#HOW DOES THAT HAVE A THOUSAND OF NOTES WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE I NEED BRAIN BLEACH EYE BLEACH AND A CIGARETTE (I DONT SMOKE)

[guzhufuren]

YUNHO WOULDNT SAY THAT

[lotuzies]

𝜗𝜚 humanizing your dr — and why you don't necessarily need it.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖⌗﹒ there are countless posts that will help you "humanize your dr", in other words, make it seem a bit more "realistic". now, although i am not against it, i mean sure, it's great for visualization, i'm not entirely for it, because it's following the premise that shifting requires a detailed process, requires specific steps in order to do it, and that's just not true.

i have seen many shifting content creators (specially on shifttok (get out of there) (seriously)) claiming that the reason why you haven't shifted yet is because you put your dr on a pedestal, then they proceed to "humanize it", listing a bunch of struggles you might encounter when you shift.

now, let me make clear the bottom line of this post: the way you perceive your desired reality does NOT influence whether you shift or not.

when someone claims that the way you perceive your dr is wrong, or that is something that needs to be changed/improved, they are reinforcing the idea that in order to shift you NEED something, you need to do certain things. (and thats WRONGGGGGHSJSHQGGAG)

shifting is simply putting your perception of this reality to another. that's it. that is the definition of shifting, that is the only thing you actually need to do.

as long as you keep endlessly looking for ways to try and stop putting your dr on a pedestal, the more you will keep persisting on the idea that something NEEDS to be changed, that shifting is this whole difficult process. and if you're familiar with the law of assumption, you already know where this is going, persisting = manifesting it into reality. and just like that, you end up in this loop of searching for something that doesn't exist in the first place.

also, this goes hand in hand with the fact that you don't necessarily need visualization. i do believe it's a great tool to shift, at least for me, but not a must due to the same reason i already listed above. so if you're not great with it, stop stressing about it.

so, it genuinely doesn't matter if you put your dr on a pedestal or if you don't even care for it as much — you are already there, the only thing you'll do is perceive it.

"alright izzy, nice! but how do i change my perception to there, then?"

ehhh, it's not really changing, it's more about recognizing it, because, like i said, you are already there. once again, nothing NEEDS to be CHANGED, stop chasing that "something", stop living in that illusion.

as to how you actually recognize it, i can't really tell you something concrete because it's different for everyone, and i'm sure you've seen thousands of methods, some may work better for you then others. what you can do is implement this new info into your attempts. (still, i can make a post explaining what works for me and why it does)

in other words: put your dr on a pedestal all you want, it's okay. WHY would that even stop you lmao?

also, lil side note: but i HATEEE when people say "humanizing your dr" (as in telling you that's what's stopping you from shifting) and then list a bunch of stuff like "oh you'll stub your toe!" "you'll get sick" "you'll break your nail!" mf if i shift to a reality where that doesn't happen simply because i am a god, then what. THEN WHAT. not everything needs to be realistic or logical. gosh. (it's fine if u do it just for visualizing tho)

that is all, byebye & go shift

[verstappenverse]

Call Me When You Breakup (Role Reversal)

Pairing: Max Verstappen x Reader

Summary: You’re with the wrong person, and Max knows it. So do you. He won’t ask you to leave but he’ll be here, hoping, aching, waiting. Just… call him when you do.

Authors Note: Okay so when I was writing Call Me When You Break Up, I genuinely couldn’t pick whether Max or the reader should be the one in a relationship bc I loved both versions too much, so… I wrote both. Figured I’d share this one too in case you needed a little comfort after the first one! (Spoiler: this one ends has a happier ending, promise 💕)

1.6k words / Inspo / Masterlist

Max knows he's in trouble the moment he sees you with him.

It shouldn’t hurt like this. Shouldn’t feel like something inside him is being wrenched apart, piece by piece. But it does. Because that’s not where you’re supposed to be.

You should be with him.

Instead, you’re laughing at something your boyfriend just said, your hand resting lightly on his arm, and Max feels like he’s suffocating in plain sight.

Because he knows that laugh. He knows your real laugh, the one that starts low in your chest and crinkles the corners of your eyes. This one is polite, forced, paper-thin.

You're fading right in front of him, and he doesn’t know how no one else sees it.

"You’re staring."

Lando’s voice pulls him back to reality, but Max doesn’t bother denying it. What’s the point? Everyone knows. They’ve always known.

Lando follows his gaze across the restaurant, shaking his head. "You really gonna keep doing this to yourself?"

Max exhales sharply, gripping his glass tighter. "What choice do I have?"

Lando scoffs. "I don’t know, maybe tell her how you feel instead of sitting here like some lovesick idiot?"

Max wants to. God, he wants to. He’s rehearsed it a thousand times, in the car, in the shower, in those sleepless hours past midnight when he’s certain no one will hear his heart breaking. But it’s never that simple.

Because you’re in a relationship. One that looks fine from the outside. One that checks boxes. One that convinces everyone… except Max, that you're happy.

But Max knows better.

Because he’s seen the way your boyfriend talks over you when you’re excitedly telling a story. How he interrupts, how he subtly corrects you. How he walks ahead without waiting, and rarely looks back to see if you’re still with him. How he only reaches for your hand when people are watching, when it can be seen, posted, admired.

But still, you stay. And Max doesn’t understand why. Because you were meant for him.

You know it too. He sees it in the way your eyes linger on him a second too long. The way your laughter always falters when he looks at you like this, like he’d burn the world down if you asked him to.

But you never ask.

And Max? He’s stuck waiting.

We’re so meant for each other. When will you wake up.

The words sit heavy in his chest, but he swallows them down. Because as much as he wants to say them, to beg you to choose him, it has to be you.

Call me when you break up.

He thinks it almost every time he sees you. It sits there behind his teeth, aching to be said. A quiet, desperate plea. Because he can’t say it first.

You have to want it. Want him.

Until then, he’ll keep watching from across the room. Holding his breath. And praying that one day, you’ll finally stop pretending.

And come home to him.

It gets worse before it gets better.

Max tries to move on. Tries to shove the feelings down, bury them beneath podium celebrations and mindless distractions. He flirts with women he doesn’t care about, lets them kiss him in the shadows of clubs, lets them wrap themselves around him like temporary bandages, but their lips never feel right.

Because they’re not yours.

You’re the only person who’s ever made him feel like he doesn’t have to win to be worth something.

He tells himself he’s fine. That if he says it enough, he’ll start believing it.

But then he sees you again.

You’re sitting alone in the paddock, scrolling through your phone, and you look exhausted. Not just physically, but in the way that sits deep in your bones. Like you haven’t been happy in a long time.

Max doesn’t think. He just moves.

"Hey."

You glance up, startled, before a slow smile spreads across your face. "Hey, Max."

It’s stupid, how much just hearing his name in your voice makes his chest ache. How his whole world rearranges itself around that one sound.

He sits beside you, close enough that your knees brush. "You okay?"

You hesitate just for a second before nodding. "Yeah. Just tired."

You’re lying. He knows it. You know he knows it, but you don’t elaborate, and Max doesn’t push.

Because this isn’t his place.

Not yet.

So he swallows the things he wants to say. Swallows the part of him that wants to take your face in his hands and ask what happened to the girl who used to give him hell just for fun. The one who could make him laugh with a single raised eyebrow, who used to challenge him just to see if he’d rise to it.

He forces himself to play the part. The best friend. The one who listens but never crosses the line. The one who waits in the background, hoping that one day you’ll finally wake up.

But waiting is hell.

Especially when he sees it clearer than ever that you’re not yourself anymore. Not the girl who used to light up every room, not the girl who used to challenge him on everything just to make him laugh. You’ve gotten quieter. Like the wrong love dimmed your light.

And Max? He wants to be the one who brings it back.

He wants to remind you what it feels like to be loved loudly. To be listened to. To be challenged and adored in equal measure. He wants to be the arms you fall into, not because you’re tired, but because it finally feels safe. He wants to fight with you and for you, and he wants to laugh until you can’t breathe, until your face crumples in that way that only happens when you’re so happy you forget to hold it all in.

The call comes finally at 2 a.m.

Max is half-asleep when his phone buzzes, the screen lighting up with your name. His heart lurches before he even picks up.

"Hello?"

Silence.

Then—

"Can I come over?"

Your voice is raw, like you’ve been crying, and suddenly Max is wide awake.

"Yeah," he says immediately, already sitting up. "Of course."

You don’t offer an explanation. You don’t need to.

Because he already knows.

You show up at his door twenty minutes later, eyes red-rimmed, wearing the same clothes from earlier.

Max doesn’t ask what happened. He just steps aside, letting you in.

You sink onto his couch without a word, pulling your knees to your chest. Max sits beside you, close but not touching. Waiting.

It takes a minute before you finally speak.

"It’s over."

The words send a jolt through his chest, but he keeps his expression careful. "Are you okay?"

"I don’t know." You let out a bitter laugh, shaking your head. “I feel like an idiot... I should’ve left a long time ago, but I was scared. Of being alone. Of starting over."

Max swallows hard. "You’re not alone."

Your eyes flick to his, something unreadable swirling in their depths. "I know."

A beat of silence. Then—

“Were you… waiting for this?”

The question slips out of you like a confession, small and uncertain, but it lands like a thunderclap between you.

Max doesn’t blink. Doesn’t deflect with a joke or pretend he didn’t hear. His eyes stay locked on yours, steady and unflinching, like he’s bracing for impact.

“Yeah,” he says, simply. “I was.”

“Max—” you breathe, voice thick and trembling.

But he cuts you off gently, a hand lifting like he’s physically trying to slow the moment down.

“Don’t,” he says softly, eyes searching yours. “Don’t say anything if you don’t mean it, not because you feel guilty, or because you’re hurting, or because I’ve been stupid enough to love you this long.”

“I think part of me always knew,” you continue, blinking hard. “That I was supposed to end up here. That it was always going to be you. But I kept talking myself out of it. Because you were safe. And I didn’t think I deserved safe.”

“You deserve everything,” Max says hoarsely.

You nod, a few tears finally escaping down your cheeks

Max is still watching you like he doesn’t dare breathe, like if he moves too fast, you’ll disappear again.

You reach for his hand, threading your fingers through his. “I don’t want to pretend anymore. I don’t want to waste another second pretending I don’t feel what I feel.”

His grip tightens instinctively. “What do you feel?”

You swallow hard, but your voice is clear now. Certain. “I’m in love with you.”

Max exhales like he’s been underwater this whole time and finally broke the surface. His hand rises to cup your jaw, thumb catching a tear before it falls.

“Say it again,” he whispers, eyes shining.

You smile through the tears. “I’m in love with you.”

“I love you too,” he says. “I’ve been yours since the beginning”

And then you’re kissing him.

It’s not perfect. It’s messy, a little desperate. There’s hesitation in the way your lips press to his, like you’re testing the waters of a dream you never let yourself have. But Max doesn’t hesitate.

His hands find your waist, anchoring you to him, pulling you into his lap like he’s afraid you’ll vanish if there’s any distance between you. His fingers slide into your hair, and he kisses you like it’s the only language he’s ever been fluent in.

Like he’s been waiting forever.

You gasp softly into his mouth, and he slows down, gentling it, letting you set the pace. Letting you feel safe. Loved. Wanted.

When you finally pull back, your foreheads rest together, breath mingling in the small space between you. Your eyes stay closed, your voice barely more than a breath.

“I’m sorry it took me so long.”

Max exhales, brushing your hair back behind your ear with a tenderness that makes your throat tighten.

“You’re here now,” he says, thumb ghosting across your cheek. “That’s all that matters.”

[kitkatkitzune]

MAKEUP MENACE

Pairing: Elijah Mikaelson x Fem!Reader

Summary: You need a model to practice your skills, thankfully Elijah is there to help… and distract you.

Warnings: Sex jokes, Flirty!Elijah, Maybe OOC!Elijah?, My minimal makeup knowledge, inconsistencies in the tense it’s written in

Notes: Special thanks to @wholoveseggs for helping me brainstorm ideas for this fic!! I hope I did your suggestions justice!

Happy Valentine’s day everyone!!

Word Count: 1.5k

———————

You groan in frustration and throw your makeup brushes down, dropping your head onto your vanity table.

Elijah, who was sitting on the chair in the corner of your shared room, reading, looks up from his book, “Darling? What’s wrong?” he’s off of the chair and at your side in a matter of seconds.

You pick your head up from the table and look up at your fiancé, “This is just so frustrating! These stupid silicone molds are nothing like real skin!” you scoff, looking back at the table.

Elijah smirks, “So silicone is nothing like the real thing?”

“Yes, Elijah! That’s what I just said!”

“So… the real thing is better?”

“Am I speaking one of the two languages you don’t speak? Yes! I just said that!” you exclaim, looking back up at him.

His grin widens, “Silicone doesn’t compare to—“

“Elijah!” you scoff, slapping his arm as you finally catch on to what he’s doing.

He laughs, “My apologies, dear, I couldn’t help it.”

You scoff, “You’re a dick.”

“Ah, but you like my ‘dick’…” he pauses for a moment, “It’s certainly better than silicone.”

“Elijah,” you groan, dropping your head back onto the table, “you’ve been hanging around Kol too much,” you mumble into your arm.

“Kol?” he questions, “You talk about male genitalia with my little brother? I don’t know how to feel about that…”

You lift your head up a bit to glare at him and he chuckles again, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry, I’ll stop. What’s wrong?”

“I’m trying to learn this new technique and practice for my exam but the silicone face pieces are making it so difficult, it just won’t work the right way because it’s not skin!”

“So you need a model?”

You sigh, nodding, “And Rebekah isn’t here for me to practice on! She’s off galavanting around with Marcel, doing God knows what that I don’t want to think about!”

Elijah hums in thought before shrugging, “You could practice on me?”

“Really?” you beam, “You’d let me?”

“As long as you promise not to stab my eye out, I think we’ll be fine.”

You squeal, standing up from your chair, pushing Elijah to sit down and he does, man-spreading. You gather all of your supplies and Elijah watches you intently, happy to see you in your element.

“Okay, let’s get started…” you begin but Elijah raises a finger, making you trail off.

With dramatic flair, he pulls out his handkerchief and tucks it into his shirt as if he was about to eat a messy dinner.

You roll your eyes and he smiles, the corners of his eyes creasing, “What? I love you, truly, but this suit was nine thousand dollars… I don’t want it stained.”

You chuckle and step closer so you’re standing in between his legs, “Are you sure this isn’t going to fracture your masculinity?” you tease.

He laughs, resting his hands on your hips, “Dear, you forget I’m over a thousand years old, this isn’t the first time I’ve worn makeup.”

“I wish there were cameras back then,“ you whine, “I’d have loved to see you all ‘dolled up’,” you quote Elijah, he would always refer to you getting dressed up as getting dolled up.

“Maybe Nik has some old paintings…” you tap your finger to your chin, grinning when he groans and rolls his eyes.

After a bit of teasing, you finally begin your work, trying not to get too distracted by the way Elijah was rubbing up and down your hips. He smiles at you knowingly, making you scowl. Deciding two can play at that game, you straddle his lap, causing his eyes to momentarily widen.

“I hope you don’t sit on all of your clients like this…” he muses.

You giggle, “Only the really pretty ones,” you use the brush you were holding to boop his nose.

He hums, moving his hands to rub up and down your back as you do his eyebrows. When he realizes you’re no longer being affected by his teasing he lowers his hands until they reach the curve of your ass and squeezes.

You immediately halt your movements and lean back, smacking his shoulder, “Behave ,” you hiss.

“I am being a perfect gentleman.”

“More like a perfect menace.”

Finally, you get to the eyes. You dip your eyeshadow brush into the brown, tapping it against the pallet before placing it on Elijah’s eyelid.

“Brown?” he questions.

You hum, “Simple yet elegant, a classic.”

When you finish his eyes you uncap a red lipstick, “And a red lip, classic and bold.”

You finish applying the color to his lips, giggling at the way he had his lips puckered. You shriek when he leans forward, grabbing your face and placing kisses all over just like you do to him, leaving red lip marks behind. He finishes his onslaught of kisses by placing one on your lips.

He pulls back, admiring his work and you narrow your eyes, using your fingers to wipe away the smudged lipstick around his mouth.

After fixing his lipstick, you grab your hand held mirror to show him the final look.

“I look absolutely fabulous, you did fantastic sweetheart.”

“You think so?”

“I know so.”

You smile, happily, and hop off his lap much to his surprise, “Stay there! I need to get my phone so I can take a picture for my portfolio.”

You’re gone before he can even protest, practically bouncing down the stairs. You see Klaus and Hope on the staircase, you had completely forgotten they had gone out shopping. Little Hope was practically buried in shopping bags.

“Auntie Y/N!! Look at all my stuff!!”

“What on earth happened to your face…?” Klaus trails off, referring to the kiss marks, you ignore him, addressing Hope.

“In a second, honey, I promise!” you pluck a few of the bags out of her arms, revealing her face, “I have to get my phone, I need to get a picture of Elijah!” you continue down the stairs.

“Elijah?” Klaus raises a brow, stopping in his spot on the steps, “Is the noble stag actually smiling for once in his immortal life?”

“No? Yes? Maybe!” you exclaim, “It’s for my portfolio!” you pass Klaus, grabbing a few more bags from Hope and she rushes up the stairs after you.

When she sees Elijah, she bursts into a fit of giggles, “Uncle ‘Lijah! You look pretty!”

Elijah shoots you a look before scooping Hope up in his arms, she pokes his rosy cheeks and laughs again.

“Pretty silly,” Klaus says, leaning on the doorway, making his presence known.

“Niklaus,” Elijah sighs.

“No! Just pretty!” Hope exclaims.

“Y/N,” Klaus pushes off the doorframe to leave the room, ��be a doll and send me whatever pictures you take…”

“Yes!” Hope squeals, “And me too! Send them to me!”

“Hope, you don’t have a cellphone,” Elijah deadpans.

“Oh.”

“But we can send them to your mother!” you smirk, trying to suppress a giggle when Elijah glares at you.

Hope giggles and runs out of the room, yelling for her mother to come see ‘pretty Elijah’.

Elijah sighs and you smile, shrugging, “You’re the one who said it’s better to indulge him.”

“I suppose I did say that…”

You take a few photos of him and set your phone down, “Hope’s right, you do look pretty.”

“Well I think you’re prettier.”

He smiles and stands up, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you as close as possible to press a sweet kiss to your lips.

“Ew!” Hope yells from the doorway, causing the two of you to pull apart. She’s standing there, carrying her own makeup box that she had just got during her shopping trip with Klaus.

An idea suddenly pops into your head, making you grin, “Hey Hope, you want to make Elijah pretty?”

Seemingly forgetting about the whole previous interaction, Hope smiles, hopping up and down, “Yes! Can I make you pretty uncle Elijah?”

Elijah widens his eyes at you, as if you had just sent him to the slaughter, “Well, I have all this makeup on already, sweetie.”

“Oh come on, Elijah,” you smirk, “I can easily take that off! Let the girl do your makeup!”

“Please uncle Elijah! I promise I’ll do a good job!”

Between your encouragement and Hope’s adorable little pouty face, Elijah couldn’t say no.

Which is how he ended up with cheap, glitter makeup rubbed all over his eyelids and cheeks with cute little bows in his hair.

“I’m going to be a makeup artist! Just like you, aunt Y/N!” Hope grins at you, unveiling her work.

By some miracle, you manage to contain your laughter even as Elijah narrows his eyes at you.

“You did great, sweetheart! Isn’t that right, Elijah?”

“Yeah,” his voice almost cracks, “I look beautiful.”

Hope grins, running out of the room, shouting for everyone to come see ‘pretty Elijah’ again, making Elijah groan and bury his face in his hands.

You laugh and he looks up at you, “I’m glad you enjoy my suffering.”

“Oh honey,” you smile, placing your hands on his shoulders, “I’m your fiancé, of course I do.”

[robinvomit]

†  all the flags : tim.

⋆˙⟡ “i'm not.. emotionally unavailable. i'm emotionally encrypted. you're just not running the right program.”

⋆˙⟡ request: kal, im gonna need to see the green red and beige flags for your v1 boy ↦ kalico note: ♡ being colorblind is perfectly fine.

↦ GREEN FLAGS. "Christ, I'm in love with a problem."

says "be careful" every time you walk out the door.

gifted you a flashdrive and a note saying "if anything happens to me" and it's just a bunch of surprisingly well written love letters.

your likes, dislikes, soft spots, fears, etc. are all just locked away in his brain.

remembers your first birthday: what you wore, what the weather was like, what music was playing - the moment he realized he fucked up and actually liked you.

has a bunch of playlists inspired by you but won't actively tell you.

asks things like "what's your favorite book?" or "dream vacation?" during patrols.

has your routine down better than you.

stays up all night researching things you've mentioned in passing.

doesn't say 'i love you' but makes it clear in a thousand quiet, understandable, obsessive ways.

knows your go-to orders everywhere.

has a backup plan for all of your backup plans.

he treats your secrets like ancient, sacred knowledge.

respects your boundaries like they're the law.

doesn't offer unsolicited advice, despite wanting to, and waits for you to ask ( aka, need him. )

he's never forgetting a single thing you've told him. even things you don't even remember.

fixes things without being asked.

protects you like his life depends on it.

let's you play with his hair.

holds your wrist when out in public.

won't let you walk near the outside of the sidewalk.

slides you a snack or cup of tea when he notices your upset.

he knows all of your allergies, disorders, health issues, etc. and knows how to handle it if something goes wrong.

he has 100% broken into a vending machine for you.

defends you over the smallest things when you aren't around to hear it.

keeps a photo of you with him at all times - no, you have never seen it.

will never ask you to change. ever. for any reason.

can and will show up at your house at 2am.

can and will break into said house to be there when you get home.

has a box of every single receipt, ticket, note, letter, etc. you've ever given him and/or he acquired while with you.

he keeps the first voicemail you ever said 'i love you' in on his phone, seven different drives, backed up in several places like it could save the world someday.

tugs you by your shirt and kisses the top of your head when you get upset over something he said that wasn't meant to upset you.

he's not great at it and it only works about 20% of the time, but he attempts to watch how he sees things.

does not let you pay for food.

leaves a shirt or hoodie behind for you to find later on.

routinely messages "good morning." every single day.

will not, at any point, let either of you sleep until a fight or argument is resolved. even if he won't admit he's wrong.

↦ RED FLAGS. "God, if I say that's attractive, I probably need therapy."

he will absolutely repress his feelings into oblivion before asking for help.

he doesn't lie to you, per se, but he will omit like.. 87% of the truth.

would rather lose you than ever let you get hurt because of him.

every single person in his life is traumatized because that's simply who he lets in. ( it's red bc it's not always healthy. )

has days where he struggles with who he is outside of the mask.

he has no clue how to deal with unconditional love without dissecting it and giving you reasons to not love him.

believes in hope and redemption for everyone but himself.

he's got a file - mental, but it's still there - of everyone, including you.

copes with sarcasm and cruel comments.

deflects hurt by hurting others.

apologizing is barely something that crosses his mind and when it does, he's shit at doing it to your face.

he solves his problems by disappearing for a week.

texts after that week "what's up" like you weren't thinking he was dead 8 hours ago.

he's not going to tell you he's hurt until you find him stitching or bandaging or wrapping something.

he knows if you lie to him, and yes - he will be a hypocrite and call you out on it.

he has and will emotionally manipulate people for the greater good, even if it hurts the person.

he's not going to fight you if you want to walk away - he'll just nod, let you go, and deal with how he feels on his own.

however, sometimes, he makes it easy. silence, distance, emotional retreat.

if he feels like you're pulling away, he's going to do it first.

there is 100% a tracker on you that you have no idea about.

thinks protection involves keeping you in the dark.

his idea of opening up, early on, is brushing everything off and telling you he's fine and not to worry about it.

will ignore you if he's bothered by something. ( bothered, not mad. )

he's going to apologize more for stupid shit like burdening you or dragging you down before he apologizes for something he did wrong.

he has trained himself to not need comfort. ( he thinks it worked until you come along. )

he thinks he's expendable. which is why he can be reckless if it means protecting someone.

sleep is optional if he has work to do.

he will, at no point in his existence, admin he's jealous. but he will make someone else's life a living hell for it. behind your back.

if he sees you reciprocating anything like flirting, even leaning too close when you laugh, he's gonna up and vanish. for hours.

he does not want to be considered needy, jealous, etc. so, he just won't tell you how any of these things make him feel.

god help if you're in danger and one of the others gets to you first - he will be very quick to cut them off and take over.

self sabotage is burned into his soul.

does have deeply personal information on all of your friends, ex friends, ex lovers, etc.

↦ BEIGE FLAGS. "You're so fucking weird.."

will use outdated slang for shits and giggles - he's said "jazzed" so many times.

all of his electronics have names. yes, he expects you to use them.

you've caught him eating cereal, half asleep, with a fork.

can pick any lock, get through any firewall, dismantle any security system - but lord help if he needs to open a bag of chips or a can of biscuits.

will ghost you - then show up two days later with your favorite take out and a not-really-an-apology apology.

can skate like a pro but will trip over his own feet. ( please look into his early robin training days, it's hilarious. )

he has two forms of flirting:

blunt, straight to the point.

fighting over detective work until you're red in the face and want to strangle him.

buys you flowers often but does not give them to you, just leaves them on a counter or table.

told you he loved you on a mission once, then pretended it never happened.

corrects you, feels bad for the next week.

he has a color-coded sheet for your communication quirks.

will stare you. will blush when caught. will call you crazy if you mention it.

the type to correct things when watching a movie.

will let himself get torn to shreds if it means petting a street cat.

goes nonverbal for hours on end for absolutely no reason. just existing. nodding when needed.

disassociates on the balcony at 3am.

according to him, after being called cute, he's "statistically speaking, i'm not." aka, you're wrong but thanks.

genuinely knows this because of his time looking at data on facial symmetry, global average, basic attractive features, etc.

don't tell him you miss him because he'll never say it back, just glance to the side then be like "i'm right here."

he has mugs, silverware, specific shirts, and jackets that you are not allowed to touch. because they are his.

he will send you a total of 9 paragraphs in a text at one in the morning about something interesting he found.

like everyone else, he has favorite rooftops and spots in gotham; he will get offended if someone else is using it.

makes you watch documentaries with him.

he sent you a cute little thing for your anniversary once. it was labeled "sentiment.archive" - it was a very, very organized timeline of photos and memories.

↦ BONUS. reacting.

i love you. "okay. well.. uh, noted."

you're cute. "do you mean that in a romantic human way, or the manipulative way because you want something?"

i missed you. "i never turned the comms off?"

why do you love me? "because you looked at all the broken, beat down bullshit and still said 'that's mine.'"

your happiness is important to me. "let's settle on functional unless you plan to redefine happiness."

you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. "please aim higher."

i don't want to lose you. ( i'll be nice here- ) v1: "both of us already have. bits, pieces - parts of me. a long time ago." v2: "you're not losing me.. you won't. unless you decide it's time to go."

you cry in front of him. "hey, tell me what you need - little slower. i'm listening, i'm right here."

you reach for his hand. "hold on too tight and i might not let go."

i hate you, said during a fight. "…okay…. okay."

[sleepyhollands]

false god

PAIRING harry styles x reader

SUMMARY harry’s having trouble finding enough time to spend with y/n, even after she drops everything and joins him on tour. when they talk, they only seem to argue. when they don’t, they only seem to fuck.

WARNINGS she’s an angsty one— lots of miscommunication, poorly executed arguments, and general couple fighting content. BUT!! there is lots of really cute fluff at the end :> also, beware of smutty content such as soft!dom harry (my favorite), oral (f!receiving, implied m!receiving), unprotected p in v, a brief hesitation to get naked on y/n’s part, an even more brief mention of bondage play, harry leaves like one love bite, and tooth-rotting holding each other while having sex content. lmk if i missed anything!

WORD COUNT 5.5k

AUTHOR’S NOTE fun fact this was supposed to be done months ago and then literally everything that could have gotten in my way did just that. but she’s here now!! writing this was a challenge but i feel so good about it now that it’s complete and i can’t wait for you all to read it. please lmk you enjoyed by leaving feedback and/or reblogging!! special thanks to @cherryjuiceblues for beta reading for me <3 ily <3

LOVER SELECTION one-shots here.

copyright © sleepyhollands. all rights reserved. || my masterlist.

“harry, it doesn’t matter if—”

“it does to me!”

“hey, there are two people in this relationship, you know.”

“yeah, an‘ one of ’em feels like right shit on what’s meant to be the greatest tour of his life! doesn’t that mean anythin‘ to you?”

“of course it does, i just—”

“really? ’cause y’could’ve fooled me, love.”

“harry, i swear, if you interrupt me one more time, i’m booking the next flight home.” 

… tour had been going really well for harry! he was playing back to back sold out shows in some of the biggest cities in the world, with adoring fans lining up by the thousands, itching to hear him sing live. he’d already had some really sweet interactions on stage, and no crazy mishaps had occurred (he was especially proud of himself for having ensured everyone’s safety so far). just in the last week alone, he’d been nominated for three different awards for his newest album and performances. anyone could see that he was living a dream— the dream, really. the kind that only comes true once in a blue moon. 

and yet… tour had been going really poorly for harry. now, he doesn’t like to complain about much; he knows just how fortunate he is, and actively tries to see the bigger picture when frustrated. but it was really hard to zoom out of his particular situation when he was so zeroed in on a particular aspect that had been bugging him for weeks— y/n. 

don’t get him wrong! y/n herself wasn’t what was bothering him. it was more so her presence, and his… lack thereof. 

if there’s one thing harry prides himself on more than anything, it’s being an attentive lover— even in the most innocent and platonic of ways. he tries his absolute hardest to be a supportive brother, a considerate son, a (hopefully) decent role model to those who look up to him, and especially a present, loving boyfriend. and for the most part, he’s just as successful in those aspects as he is in his career. in fact, y/n regularly speaks of how harry treats her like she hangs the stars in the sky just for him, how he makes her feel like the most special girl in the world. 

but this tour was taking its toll, and harry was taking it out on y/n. he’s never been great at communicating everything in the most positive of ways— that’s where he turns to songwriting— and he’d let his emotions get the better of him after letting them build up for the past couple of weeks. he wasn’t proud of himself, but he needed an outlet. 

harry didn’t mean to start the fight. but when y/n asked him where he’d been after a last minute management meeting following that night’s show kept him an extra half hour later than he said he’d be, it was like all the frustration just erupted. inadequacy is one of his least favorite feelings (next to loneliness), and being a barely-there or only-sometimes-there boyfriend couldn’t be more of a trigger for that particular emotion. 

now here they were, vexation filling the tour bus around them like a fog they could barely see through, inhaling it with every breath and releasing it back into the atmosphere surrounding them. harry huffed out a sigh, arms crossed and brow furrowed as he angrily looked out the window of the tour bus to distract himself for a moment, having to mentally step away from the argument at hand, even if just for a few seconds. watching as the dark streets outside shined with the headlights of other vehicles, he found himself wishing he were in one of them. it would be nice to be in a car alone, nothing but his thoughts and some music to keep him company. 

but he had real company. she was standing not six feet away from him, emulating his defensive position with her arms drawn across her own chest, jaw clenching and relaxing every other moment. when he finally turned to look at her again, he exhaled loudly. 

“we were crazy to think that this could work,” he mumbled, barely audible to y/n, but she was able to make it out. 

even when they fought, the girl seemed to be in sync with him, inhaling deeply, subconsciously countering his previous expulsion of breath. the yin to his yang.

“what are you talking about?”

harry groaned at her words. how didn’t she get this? “y/n, i’m never around! i wake up when you’re still asleep, prepare for the day, go to the venue, help set up the stage, sound check, rehearse a bit, and then ’m off t’go get ready for a show that lasts two hours. almost each night! i come back exhausted and aching to sleep! where d’you see yourself fitting in there?”

when y/n realized it was her turn to speak again, she said, “first off, do you think you could please calm down a little? i can’t talk to you when you’re like this.”

his eyes narrowed. “like what?”

“when you’re acting like a child, harry! i mean, for god’s sake, i’m not nine! i can handle hanging out on my own for a few days at a time and just getting to cuddle with you at night until you have a day off. it’s not like i don’t have things to do throughout the day, too.”

while harry tended to say things he didn’t exactly believe in the heat of the moment, y/n meant every word she uttered. she really was content relaxing in the tour bus or a hotel room taking care of work on her laptop, catching up on new episodes of her favorite shows, or even going out to explore whatever new city they were in by herself. harry had breaks between show days once or twice a week, and the thought of having those days to themselves was enough to sate her desire to spend time with him. it annoyed her that he didn’t understand that, as she’d never been the clingy type and was always very self-sufficient. 

“oh, i’m acting like a child, am i? right, i didn’t realize that wanting t’be present in my relationship with my girlfriend was childish, but hey, you learn something new every day, i s’pose.” 

oh, y/n was really starting to seethe now. letting her arms fall to her sides with a frustrated puff, she began again. 

“god, harry, you’re not childish for wanting to spend time together! i’m saying you need to realize that i’m perfectly capable of waiting for your days off to really spend time with you. you’re acting like we can’t function without each other!”

“the whole idea of you comin‘ on tour with me was to have this time together, y/n,” harry fired back. “if we’re barely going to get to see each other anyways, then what’s the bloody point?”

…

harry might have spoken too soon. at least, that’s what he thought as he laid overtop y/n on the tour bus couch, because now the point might very well be getting to just feel her lips on his every now and again. 

it was late; harry had just come back from a show. usually, he’s too tired to do anything but crash onto a cloud-like mattress after all the jumping around he does on that stage, but this time all he wanted was his girl. it’d started innocently enough, with harry pulling y/n into his lap on the worn, red leather of the couch. his hands roamed along her hips and down to her waist beneath her soft hoodie (which wasn’t even technically her’s, but is it really theft if harry just leaves his clothes lying around for her to nab?), exploring the soft expanse of her skin, not straying any lower. her own hands were hidden in his curls, lightly scratching at his scalp in what she hoped were soothing motions. 

harry knew he was done for once he initiated the kiss. tentative at first, he pressed light pecks along the corner of her mouth, quick and feathery, like he didn’t really care if he got to kiss her so much as he got to hold her, or simply be with her. but soon, the eagerness set in, like he wasn’t sure when the next time he’d get to have her was, and suddenly he was capturing her mouth with his own, barely giving her a chance to breathe as he tasted her. while harry never really believed in a higher power, he could have sworn he found religion in her lips. 

things only escalated from there. it wasn’t long before harry was wrapping his muscular arms around y/n, so tight that he accidentally squeezed too hard, earning a squeak from the girl. he muttered a hushed but sincere “’m sorry, darling,” to compensate. one hand supported her head, the other splayed across her back as he laid her against the cushions so that he could keep loving on her on the way down. he relished her little whimpers that she tried so hard to suppress, grinning against her jawbone, her neck, any skin he came across on his journey south to more pressing territory. 

harry didn’t bother removing y/n’s hoodie, opting instead to push it up past her naval in favor of gaining access to the waistband of her fluffy sleep shorts. he felt her hands tighten their grip ever so slightly on his shoulders as he hooked his fingers under it, relaxing again when he rubbed the pad of his thumb delicately along her hipbone, reminding her it was only him. 

it was a thing with y/n. she loved harry, of course she did, and she trusted him more than anyone. and maybe it was the way she was brought up, or perhaps a few poor experiences with sexual partners in the past, but there was always a fleeting moment of anxiety before shedding the clothing barrier before sex. like dipping a toe into a cold lake and hesitating a little, then ultimately deciding that jumping in wouldn’t be so bad. 

harry never pried. the first few times they’d slept together, he noticed her nerves, and asked her if she was sure she wanted to continue. y/n had said yes each time, and after a while, he stopped asking. but still, whenever he noticed that brief nervous shift, harry gave her a chance to change her mind. 

this time, he bided his time by sponging tender kisses right above where his fingers were still half hidden under her shorts. he wanted her to feel safe, and taken care of, and he hoped his gentle touches and even breathing could remedy her anxiety. as he waited, harry’s mind drifted…. he was getting lost in the feel of her soft skin, its dips and curves and blemishes. he thought about her waist, how his hands fit so perfectly against its sides; her tummy, and how the muscles there jolted when he tickled them; and her hips… god, if y/n’s body was a church, her hips could be the altar. harry was ready to say a prayer right then, thanking every higher power for blessing him with this gorgeous girl—

“harry?” his love’s melodic voice interrupted his thoughts, and harry’s eyes snapped up to meet hers, his nose continuing to skim just above her navel. “um… you can keep going. please.” 

the corner of harry’s mouth quirked upward, and y/n could have sworn she caught a glimpse of mischief in the jade of his irises, but it was gone in an instant, as he wasted no time in stripping her of her bottoms.

…

“god, h-harry,” panted y/n, her grip on his curls constricting with every lick to her core, “’s so good, oh—”

“would feel even better if y’stopped trying t’run away from me, wouldn’t it? don’t wanna have to tie you down.”

y/n couldn’t help it! it wasn’t her fault if harry’s tongue was just too good and her body’s natural reaction was to attempt to escape his grip for a little relief. if anything, he should be happy— they’d been at this for so long y/n lost count of the minutes, and after two toe-curling orgasms, one would think harry’s jaw could use a break. 

but that thought flew out the window when y/n remembered who she was metaphorically in bed with. 

“’m sorry…,” she whimpered, gripping the side of the couch cushion as her eyes squeezed shut.

“don‘ have to be sorry, darling,” harry mumbled against her folds, chin glistening with her arousal as he placed a soft kiss to y/n’s clit, making her jolt in his hold. he breathed a short laugh, adjusting his arms so that one held her upper thigh next to his head, while the other pinned her hips to the red leather, restricting her ability to move. “jus’ wanna make you feel as good as possible, is all. will y’let me?”

harry turned his head, nipping at the inside of the girl’s thigh, and she gasped at the brief assault on the softest skin of her body, now adorning the mark of his front teeth that she loved so much. she shuddered a breath as best she could, and harry could tell by the way her knuckles were turning white in their grip on the couch that she was trying her best to be good. feeling a twinge of guilt, he figured maybe he should offer her a second to breathe. y/n opened her eyes when she felt harry’s lips retreat from her aching cunt and the weight of his head rest against the love bite. 

“hey.”

y/n cast her gaze down upon the boy (who looked far too innocent, considering what they were doing) with his cheek laid on her inner thigh, stray hairs tickling her just a tad. playfulness swam in his eyes, but there was an underlying current of concern. 

“doin‘ okay?”

she nodded, gulping. harry noticed. 

“because we can take a break if you want to. just say the word, okay?”

“i will, i-i promise. but… can you please keep going?”

that was all he needed to get right back into it, only with even more fervor than before. when y/n reached her third and final peak of the night, her whole body shook, and harry had the pleasure of getting to watch as he helped her ride out her high. he almost came in his pants, rutting his hips into the sofa, moaning against her core, begging her give it t’me, love, that’s it.

harry pulled back when she started pushing at his head, whining for relief as he gave one final lap at her core. he grinned at her fucked-out figure as he wiped his face on his forearm, then took her hand that had been grasping at the cushion in one of his, bringing the back of it to his lips for a gentle kiss. 

“feel all right, baby?”

“mhm,” she hummed between heaving breaths, glancing at what she assumed could only be a quite painful stiffy between his legs as he sat up, “do you?”

harry followed her line of vision, offering her a chuckle and an i’m fine, using his free hand to smooth his thumb along her brow. before he could even register it, her palm slipped from the grip of his other hand and traveled down to rub against the bulge in his pants, earning a sharp hiss from her boyfriend and a deep groan soon after. 

“why don’t you let me repay the favor?”

…

harry was pretty sure y/n was asleep. if she wasn’t, she was definitely on the verge— her breaths were deep and even as she laid in his hold, her head on his chest, ear pressed overtop his steadily beating heart. and who could blame her? the evening’s activities had worn her out, which meant harry had done his job properly. he was more than happy to be wide awake, running his fingertips up and down her arm, inhaling the sweet scent of her fruity body wash while she dreamt if it meant she was rested and content and happy. 

moments like these made harry think they could get away with it. the long hours spent apart, the hectic schedules, the fighting. sure, it was tough, and yes, they both had a temper that rivaled one another’s for the ‘least amount of patience award’ on any given day. but every missing ounce of patience was compensated by double its weight in love. they loved one another enough to make it work. 

they could make this work. 

right?

…

“jesus, harry, how do you think that makes me feel? you’d honestly rather i not be here? are you actually that insecure?”

“c’mon, y/n, you know tha’s not what i meant.”

y/n felt like they were going around in circles, having the same fight over and over again. only this time, the couple found themselves in a beautiful hotel room, with a beautiful view overlooking a beautiful city. and instead of getting to enjoy it, y/n was glaring at harry though the vanity mirror, his back facing her as he tamed his wild curls for tonight’s show… which he had to leave for in just a few short minutes. 

the balled up fist on y/n’s hip flew up to her face, fingers flexing to pinch at the bridge of her nose as her eyes squeezed shut for a moment. 

“i can’t believe this. i dropped everything to be here with you— to support you on the most incredible tour of your career— and instead of being happy i’m here as opposed to the alternative of thousands of miles away in a different time zone for months, you’re sitting here bitching about being too tired?” 

harry sighed deeply, only infuriating y/n more. “you’re missing the point. ’s not that i don’t want you here, or just that ’m too tired. ’s knowing you’re sitting around by yourself, waiting on me while ’m working, when you could be out with friends and family, or sleeping in the comfort of your own bed—”

“that you’re not in!” the girl loudly interjected— how didn’t he get this? “i put all those things aside for us, har. it’s not like i’m leaving my life behind for years. christ’s sake, the tour is over in two months! but somehow, being away from my home and routine is easier than being in the same room as you right now.”

harry contemplated his next words carefully, turning them over in his head a few times and editing any obvious mistakes, leaving the pair of them to marinate in suffocating silence for a good ten or so seconds before he finally spoke. 

“y/n… i can’t be a good boyfriend and a serious artist simultaneously, okay? not while ’m on tour. i can’t keep losing sleep over how well i’m balancing—”

“okay, you know what, harry? you know what? maybe you should just leave me, then. wouldn’t that be easier? you’d be able to sleep better at night, right?”

they both knew she didn’t mean it, though harry couldn’t lie and say it didn’t hurt to hear. but she was pissed, and harry knew better than to try to reason with her when she was like this. 

when she realized he wasn’t going to respond, instead electing to stare brokenly into the mirror, she continued. “you know damn well how hard i work for this relationship. i’ve flown across the oceans that have separated us, driven for hours just to get to see you for, like, one— hell, i’ve skipped some of my most important classes so we could go to shitty dive bars in the middle of the day together! yeah, remember that? i love you, okay? people who love each other are supposed to be grateful for any time they have together at all, no matter if it’s every day or once a year.”

y/n took a breath, finally cooling down after her heated rant. she took a moment to take in the sight of her boyfriend, dressed so vibrantly, feeling anything but. 

“they warned us about times like this,” the defeated tone of y/n’s whisper was enough to finally get harry to say something. 

“what was that, love?”

the girl swallowed the little saliva in her mouth before speaking up a mere decibel. “remember what my parents said? ‘the road gets hard, and you get lost when you’re led by blind faith,’” she imitated her father’s deep voice, and if not for the circumstances, harry might’ve laughed. 

they weren’t lost, were they?

…

if there was such a thing as heaven on earth, y/n is pretty sure she’s been there. in fact, she goes there whenever harry so much as touches her. 

when he kisses her shin as they lay watching a movie together on the couch, pulling her leg up off his lap and craning his neck downward to meet it in the middle. when he runs his fingers down the bridge of her nose, making an exaggerated boop! noise once he reaches the tip, gently pressing against it like a doorbell. and especially when he has her like this. 

harry’s arms felt secure wrapped around y/n’s torso, her hips moving back and forth atop his own. the feeling of his cock twitching and shifting inside her while her nipples rub deliciously along his chest made her dizzy, like she had just gotten off a loopy rollercoaster. harry’s back arched just slightly off the plush mattress of their hotel suite’s bed when y/n gave a little bounce, arms constricting around her and forcing a pleased sigh to fall from her lips. 

the girl hid her face in the crook of his neck, and harry could feel each and every hot breath against his skin. lost in pleasure, he let his large hands migrate from her hips down to her bum, where he gave a small pinch to the flesh, eliciting a yelp and a small jolt from y/n. 

“sorry, baby,” he laughed, “couldn’t help m’self.” harry gently flattened his palm against the now tender skin, rubbing there softly in an attempt to soothe the little ache he left. when he felt satisfied, he shifted to rubbing between her shoulder blades instead, his other arm still wrapped around her lower back as she returned to her previous rhythm above him. 

y/n could tell harry was enjoying himself. his groans alone were evidence enough, not to mention the little utterances of “shit, darling,” and “so good t’me,” he frequently let slip. but perhaps he just needed a bit more to reach his high, because without warning his hands were on her thighs, gripping tightly as he began to thrust upwards into her at a much quicker pace than she had originally set— it had her seeing stars in a matter of mere seconds. 

“oh, god— harry,” y/n gasped out, gripping the edge of the plush pillow by harry’s ear. she could feel him hitting that special spot inside her with every snap of his hips, and she couldn’t stop her eyes from rolling back into her head, muscles tightening all throughout her body. 

“almost there, angel… just…,” harry’s thrusts began to slow, becoming more deliberate, and now he was moving her hips to grind against his each time they met, sending y/n over the edge. 

y/n’s moans were long and drawn out as she came, body spasms making her hold on more tightly to harry for stability. she didn’t even hear him finish, too busy reveling in the euphoric feeling of cumming in his arms, surrounded by warmth and love and feeling the safest she had in a long while. 

it was moments like these where y/n couldn’t fathom how she’s ever been upset with harry. he was perfect, lying here under her unsteady body, breathing deeply not only to catch his breath, but to take in the smell of her. she wanted this for eternity. and if this was heaven, then surely hell was when they fought with each other. 

…

y/n thought she was dreaming at first, not used to being roused from her slumber by anything other than her well-timed alarm and the occasional bark of a dog on a nearby street. she expected that after blinking the sleep from her eyes a few times, the vague image of her favorite boy would dissipate, and she’d fall back into the comfort of her warm pillow. but when she squeezed them shut once, then twice, and her boyfriend’s face was still a foot away from her’s, brushing his fingertips up her nose and along her brow, she set aside her exhaustion in exchange for confusion.

now, harry knew better than to wake y/n up. in most circumstances, she’d tell him off, or gently kick at him to get him to leave her alone. he found it rather endearing, and it’s one of the reasons he’s so protective of her in her sleep— always holding her close to keep her safe, shielding her eyes from any light intruding on the space she lay, making sure both their phones were set to ‘do not disturb.’ but he had to make an exception, just this once. 

“darling,” she barely registered his whisper, “wake up f’me, please?”

a whine fell from y/n’s lips, her eyes scrunching shut as she turned her body away from him, which harry knew was code for let me sleep, for fuck’s sake! a smile graced his lips at the action, jotting down a mental note to make this up to her later. 

compensating for the newfound distance between them, harry scooted closer to her. he kneeled on the floor next to the bed, close to the pillows she rested upon. he laid one arm against the mattress, perching his chin on the back of his wrist. using his free hand, he continued to brush his fingertips lightly against his love’s cheek, her jaw— all along her face, really. god, her loves her face so much.  

“please, baby?”

harry had just come back from one of his best performances yet— the crowd’s energy was unmatched, the chemistry between him and his band members was palpable, and he’d managed to not get hit with any flying objects all night! but what really did it for him was the fan project he was surprised with at the end of the show. thousands of people in the room wore light-up bracelets that shone pink and blue during one of his favorite songs, ‘love of my life.’ if harry’s heart had been any more full in that moment, it might’ve exploded right there in his chest. 

he had been on cloud nine for a moment. but soon, realization washed over him in a way that squeezed at his lungs, stealing his breath for a second. the love of his life was somewhere miles away, probably sitting in their hotel room watching a comfort film, oblivious to anything he was feeling on that stage. he just wanted to go home to her and gush about what had happened, and how he wished she’d been there, and how it made so much sense that it would happen during ‘love of my life’ because it was the perfect representation of the amount of love he had for his, and how if she’d have been there, he would have looked directly at her and smiled the whole time. 

it made him realize how bloody stupid he was.

in retrospect, the conversation he’d needlessly just woken y/n up for could have waited until morning. but then harry wouldn’t have been able to sleep if he didn’t tell her he was sorry right away. 

a groan sounded through the room, followed by the ruffling of bedsheets as the girl turned back over to glare annoyedly at harry. he let out a soft laugh at her behavior. 

“’m sorry, baby. know you jus‘ wanna sleep right now, but ’s it okay if we talk for a mo‘?”

“now?” y/n asked in a gravelly voice.

“now, m‘ love.”

with a soft sigh, she relented, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her knuckles. harry caught the motion, bringing his hands up to pull hers away from her face. he didn’t like when y/n did that, as she always managed to do it too roughly. instead, he held her smaller hands in his own, getting up to sit on the edge of the bed, facing her. 

“what is it?” y/n asked through a yawn. harry looked at her for a moment— really looked at her— before responding.

“i’m sorry.”

it took her a moment to register his words. “for waking me up?”

harry laughed that dreamy laugh she loved so much, and it almost made up for the fact that she was up at twelve thirty in the morning. “no, y’little minx. not for that. well, yes, for that, but that’s not what i meant.”

“what are you sorry for, then?” 

harry looked at her with an expression y/n couldn’t place. it look him a few beats to speak. “i… i’m sorry i was such a prick before. i love that you’re here, an‘ that i get t’see you when i’m off. know you put aside a lot for this, an‘ i ruined it with m’own problems. didn’t mean to.”

y/n’s features softened at the boy’s sincerity, and if it weren’t for the warmth his hands encapsulating hers provided, she’d have reached out and held his face, peppering kisses over every dip and curve. 

“i know you didn’t…. i’m sorry, too.”

“for what?”

“i should’ve listened better. you were trying to tell me how you felt and i just disregarded it. that wasn’t very nice of me, either.”

the right corner of harry’s lips tugged upwards, morphing his mouth into that little half-grin y/n adored so much. “think we can get past it, darling?”

the girl scooted forward the tiniest bit, harry’s magnetic pull too hard to resist. though they were the only two in the room, she whispered, “i’ll forgive you if you forgive me.” harry liked how she made something so simple sound like a secret deal between them.

harry’s half-smile quickly quirked up, completing itself, and y/n swooned over his dimples and adorable bunny teeth. a short and quiet breath of a laugh fell past his lips, and for a moment, he just looked at her. but his gaze caught a glimpse of uncertainty in her eyes, and his grin faltered a bit. 

y/n was always good at hiding her true emotions when she wanted to. not when it really mattered, don’t get her wrong— she wasn’t one to take anyone’s shit. but at dinner with her parents or meetings at work, she was able to pretend she wasn’t exhausted or annoyed. it never worked with harry, though. he could read and understand her like his own lyrics, and tonight was no exception. he saw through the mask of humor at her uncertainty, and a pang of guilt bloomed in his chest. 

he let out a sigh as he beckoned her forward by gently tugging her hands, still in his, toward him. “c’mere, baby,” he said softly, pulling his love into his lap. y/n curled into him, knees tucked upward into her chest as his strong arms found purchase around her frame, holding her tenderly but securely. one of harry’s large hands held the back of her head against him, her ear right over his heart, listening to it beat for her. 

“love you like crazy. you’ve no idea.” he peppered light kisses to the top of her head, so softly she might’ve missed one or two. “thank you for comin‘ an‘ s’porting me. means the world, honestly.” 

“i’m happy to be anywhere with you, har,” she replied in a voice honey-thick with sleep. “even if it’s just for a few minutes. always so happy to have you.”

harry closed his eyes, laying back into the pillows, bringing y/n down with him so that she was laying overtop his sturdy body, inhaling his every exhale. 

“you have me,” he said, though he was almost certain she didn’t hear him, likely already pulled into the void of sleep, drawn in by the comfort of harry’s arms, his smell, him. 

“you’ll always have me.”

taglist (final time using the old one, see new link in bio): @fahsey @caswinchester2000 @lmaotshollandd @jackiehollanderr @nervousdadmode @amii-nyc @skitmix @auggie2000 @voguesir @yourgoldengirls @hunnybunimdun @lolooo22 @atoris-fantasy

[flowery-mess]

somebody else

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x female reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI / short smut, like a paragraph / angst, angst, angst

Words: 3k

Author's note: seems like the only thing that the writer's block will let me write is sad shit. It's inspired by the songs mentioned bellow and one of my older ideas that finally came to life

‼️ Please remember that this is a work of fiction featuring a real person and does not reflect Noah's actual feelings.

Noah Sebastian masterlist

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

songs to listen:

Astrid S - It's ok if you forget me

Walking on cars - Somebody else

cursive paragraphs are flashbacks

bold cursive is reader's letter

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

You and Noah, a couple that everyone adored in the beginning. It was almost like love at the first sight. You two hit it off shortly after you met, feeling the kind of connection that tells you there’s nothing to wait fot, that you’re meant to be. But were you really?

“Noah we should talk.” you sighed and ran your hand through your hair.

Noah stood by the big window in his apartment where you moved just a few weeks ago. It was nice for the first week or two, but then things took a turn and everything seemed to fall apart.

He knew it was coming, the talk and addressing the elephant in the room. You thought that maybe he just wasn’t used to living with a partner, that he needed time to adjust to this new living situation, but only he knew that the problem was elsewhere.

*

“Noah stop!” you laughed when Noah dipped his finger in the chocolate cream and put it on your nose.

“Nah, you look cute and now I can do this.” he leaned down to lick the sweet cream off your nose.

You were both craving something sweet and nothing seemed like a better idea than to make cupcakes when it was almost midnight.

“You’re disgusting.” you scrunched your nose and pretended to be disgusted. 

“You love it.” and he was right, you did. You loved being able to spend all of your free time with him, doing all those domestic things. And you loved him.

*

“I’m tired, can we-” he tried to speak, but you stopped him before he could finish the sentence.

“No. I can’t pretend like nothing is wrong anymore, I’m tired of that.” you stood your place, determined to not go to bed with tears in your eyes again.

“Okay.” he sighed and kept looking out of the window. He knew this was his fault and he didn’t have the courage to turn around and see your face, the hurt in your eyes.

“What happened? What changed? What did I do?” you whispered the last question, scared of what his answer will be.

One day he came home and it wasn’t your Noah anymore. He became distant, almost cold towards you. Your sweet Noah turned to someone who was barely his shadow.

The subtle touches stopped, his thousand kisses in the morning stopped, going to sleep together stopped, the intimacy of your relationship was gone.

“You did nothing wrong. I just, I-” he finally turned around to face you. When he saw you sitting on the couch in the middle of now yours living room he felt sick.

He was the cause of the tears that were threatening to start running down your cheeks, he was the reason why you felt so small in that moment.

“You just what?” you asked, hoping for an answer. You just needed to know, even if it would hurt you, nothing could be more painful than the change in his actions.

“I don’t think I can do this.” he whispered and closed his eyes with a hope that when he opens them again his head will be back where it was when he met you.

He was happy back then, hell he was happy even now, but something in his head kept telling him that he’s not worthy of this. Of your love, your kindness, the warmth you brought to his apartment, how you always welcomed him home with a smile on your face.

He was open with you in the beginning, telling you that he never imagined himself with a girlfriend in a happy relationship. He told you that accepting love is hard for him, but he promised you that he will try. Try for you.

“Can you come here please?” you shifted to the side so he could sit next to you. He did as you asked him, sat down and left enough space between you.

You saw his body was tense, his head was low and his eyes were full of mixed feelings. He wasn’t looking at you, he couldn’t.

“I don’t get it Noah, I need you to talk to me or I’m gonna go crazy.” you let out a nervous laugh and felt the first tears wet your cheek.

He heard the crying in your voice and he couldn’t help himself but to look at you. He used to look at you differently.

*

“So, what do you say?” Noah asked nervously, watching you walk through the rooms of his apartment.

He just asked you if you wanted to move in. He thought your rent was ridiculously high for the box that you called your apartment and he thought it would be a good next step for your relationship.

“Do you sleep with your window open or closed?” you asked with a serious face.

“What?” poor Noah, he was so nervous to ask you this and now you were teasing him.

“Answer, open or closed?” you kept looking at him like that question was so important.

“Open.” he gave you his answer, wondering what the outcome will be.

“Perfect. When can I move in?” you finally broke a smile and a wave of relief rushed through Noah’s body.

“Really?” he closed the space between you and took your face in his big warm hands. They felt like home.

“Really.” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his.

He couldn’t stop the smile on his face, the one when your cheeks hurt from smiling so much. He grazed your cheeks with his thumbs, his gaze flicking between your eyes and lips. The moment felt perfect.

“I love you.” he said. And then he looked at you like you hang the moon and the stars when you said those three words back.

*

And now he was looking at you with “guilt” written all over his face.

“I-” it was hard for him to tell his thoughts out loud, because he knew he’s going to hurt. “I can’t keep doing this. I’m just gonna hurt you and you don’t deserve that.”

You didn’t understand that, you didn’t get what he meant by that.

“I’m always gonna leave for tour, I’m always at the studio and coming home late. I don’t want you to be here alone, waiting for me.”

You didn’t know what to say. You talked about this, about his lifestyle and you knew what you were getting yourself into.

“Why would you think you’d hurt me? I know what comes with your job Noah and I’m okay with that.”

But you knew he was just making excuses, giving you reasons to leave him.

But your love for him was stronger.

You loved waking up next to him, feeling the warmth from his body and the weight of his arms that were wrapped around you every time you opened your eyes.

You loved weekends when you didn’t have to wake up early for work and you could sleep in, have a morning cuddle before making breakfast together.

You loved his sweet little messages during the day.

You suddenly became a fan of doing the house chores, because you were doing it together.

You loved it even when he came home late from the studio, because that meant it was one of the few times he’d let you hold him. You often took a bath together, him laying on your chest, often falling asleep from your fingers running through his hair.

“I’m gonna hurt you.” he repeated. He knew he would never hurt you intentionally, but he was scared that his lifestyle would hurt you.

“You’re just saying that because you don’t know how to accept happiness. You don’t mean that.”

“I’m not happy like this.” he said quickly and with a firm voice.

You took a few breaths before saying the next sentence. “You’re not happy?”

Silence took over the room as both of you tried to get a hold of your emotions.

You kept looking at him, wanting him to say something. But he stayed silent.

“Listen Noah, if this is a phase that we have to overcome because all of this is new for you, then we’re gonna make it work. We just have to be honest with each other.”

“I am.” short and straight answer. But it felt like a punch to your gut.

Anger took over you and suddenly you had a lot to say.

“I’m not gonna let you do this. I’m not gonna let you ruin our relationship just because you think you don’t deserve it. I don’t know what caused this, why you feel like you need to suffer and you don’t deserve to be happy. But I want to help you through it and realise that you’re a person who’s worthy of love.” your voice broke with the last sentence. The man that you were looking at deserved all of the love in the world and it seemed like he was the only one to think the opposite.

His head was hanging low, his hair long enough to cover his eyes when they fell from behind his ears, making it impossible for you to see the tears on his face.

He didn’t know why he was feeling the way he was, he just felt like he doesn’t deserve someone like you.

“I love you Noah, so much. You make me happy every day.” you continued and slowly moved to kneel in front of him. Seeing his glassy eyes and trembling chin broke your heart even more. “You’re so worthy of all my love. You treat me so well like no one else ever did. I wouldn’t want anyone else by my side. I need you to hear me when I say this, look at me.” you lifted his head with your fingers under his chin, gently forcing his eyes to look into yours. “I’m offering you my heart here, all you have to do is accept it. I wanna give you all the love you deserve, make up for everyone who made you feel like you don’t.”

Your hand slowly slid down his clothed chest, taking you back to a moment when everything was still perfect.

*

“So good.” you moaned with your head tilted backwards so you could see Noah’s face. His hips were thrusting into you, his eyes closed from all the pleasure and you used this moment to trace your fingers down his chest. It was covered in sweat and moving up and down from his heavy breathing.

“That’s it, touch yourself.” he encouraged you when your hand slipped between your bodies and started circling around your clit.

You both felt it coming. His head was in the crook of your neck, he was giving you soft irregular kisses as your back arched from the bed when the orgasm took over your body, his own following right behind you.

*

But that was weeks ago. He hasn’t touched you since then. The only physical affection he gave you these days was a quick peck or forehead kiss.

“I’m gonna wait for you when you leave for tour, I already told you that that’s not a problem for me. I’m always gonna be here when you come back.”

You mirrored his movements and let your eyes stare at the floor.

After minutes of silence you understood that his stubborn mind won’t accept anything of what you just said.

“I think that you need time to think about things. I’ll stay in the guest room and give you space. But I love you Noah, and I’m gonna keep repeating that until you’ll accept it.”

You stood up from the floor, ready to jump in a shower and cry, thinking about what you did wrong.

You felt his fingers wrap around your wrist to stop you from walking away, a small spark of hope that he’s going to open up.

“I’ll take the guest room, you stay in the bedroom.”

“Okay.” you whispered and pulled your hand out of his grip, wanting nothing more than to be upstairs alone.

You thought that giving Noah space would help. That he’d think about what you said to him that night. That he’d process that and his own feelings.

But nothing seemed to change.

From a home full of love and laughter, your apartment became cold and silent.

He didn’t kiss you when he came home anymore, he didn’t send you sweet messages throughout the day, he didn’t come back to sleep in your bedroom and he stopped showing you affection at all.

One day you decided that it was enough, enough of torturing yourself, because that’s how it felt. He left that morning, didn’t tell you where, but that became a regular thing. But the fact that he didn’t even say bye and just left like you were not there was the last drop.

You packed yourself a bag, for a week, ten days maximum. You thought that would be enough, that when Noah will read the letter you left him on the kitchen counter he will realise that you two have shit to solve out.

He came home later that day, the sun was almost set and he wanted nothing more than to disappear behind the door of the guest room just so he could avoid seeing you.

Seeing you hurt and sad, knowing that it was because of him, made him hate himself even more. You didn’t deserve any of that and he was sure he didn’t deserve your love you were willing to give him.

When he noticed your favorite shoes were missing he didn’t think too much of it, maybe you went out with a friend or for groceries. He stopped telling you where he was going a while ago, he didn’t blame you for doing the same.

But then he found the white folded paper on the kitchen counter and something immediately felt wrong. Like if he suddenly realised that you won’t be coming back from a store later.

He took the white paper in his inked hands and noticed the dots where the paper was more crinkled, knowing it was from your tears that he tried to ignore every day, every night when he tried to fall asleep, but heard your cries from down the hall.

My dear Noah,

I can’t live like this anymore.

As much as I want you to know that you’re loved and deserve to be loved, I need to feel loved too to make this work.

I tried to tell you and show you the best I could, but I guess I failed. I guess it wasn’t enough.

Living together like two strangers won’t help us, so I decided to leave for some time, to give you time alone to think about us.

I want you to know that I’m still in this and I want to give you 100% of me, but I need you to do the same.

I just wish I could have the happy version of you back, and I’m sorry if it’s my fault that you turned into this version of yourself. I’m sorry if I ever said or did something to make you feel like you’re not worthy.

Reach out when you feel ready to talk.

I love you, even if you don’t love me back.

He didn’t realise he was crying until some of the words you wrote started to blur.

He never wanted this. He never wanted to make you feel unloved, because he loved you with everything he had. He just couldn’t help it, the voices in his head that kept reminding him that you deserve so much more than he can give you.

You didn’t fail at loving him, deeply inside of him he never doubted your love for him. But the voices were stronger.

This wasn’t your fault, it was all on him.

I love you, even if you don’t love me back.

And he wanted to run after you to tell you he loves you. He wanted you to know, wanted you to stay, to tell him everything is going to be fine.

But he couldn’t.

You came back to his apartment after two weeks when you knew from Nick that he was at the studio. You packed more of your belongings. Walking through the apartment you felt sick. You kept seeing flashbacks of you two, happy in the beginning.

Then you left again.

Two weeks turned into four, then weeks turned to two months and you knew that he won’t reach out.

You went to pack all of your things from his apartment when they were gone for the weekend.

You cried the whole time, feeling humiliated that you were not worthy of a stupid text or a phone call.

When you were packed, you made your way out of there as quickly as you could.

You didn’t turn back, because despite everything, all you could see there were the happy memories with a man you thought was yours forever.

Noah tried to bullshit everyone with lies, that he moved on and that he was okay. He was far from being okay, but the thought of you being happy kept him from trying to make up the mess he made. He wanted you to be happy and was convinced that he could never do that.

And eventually you moved on. It was hard, but you did. You met someone who made you laugh. A genuine laugh that you experienced with Noah at the start of your relationship.

He was nice, attentive and made you feel loved.

But he will never know that you gave your heart to another man, to someone who you were sure you’ll love forever.

Noah found out after Matt ran into you and your new guy at a bar. He told him, because he felt it wasn’t fair to keep something like that from his best friend.

Matt told him that you looked happy, that you looked genuinely happy with that man on the small dancefloor, where he spun you around and danced with you until you ran out of breath.

Just like you and Noah used to, in your apartment almost every night before he ruined it. And now you were dancing with somebody else.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

This story is a work of fiction, with the plot and characters entirely made up. The appearance and name of the main male character are inspired by Noah Sebastian Davis, but the storyline bears no connection to the real person. Please do not steal or repost this work on other platforms without permission.

Taglist: @lacy1986 @concretejunglefm @super-btstrash-posts @amelia-acero @justcarrie @koskeepsake @dominuslunae @ami--gami @follow-me-down-to-wonderland @iloveyoutodeathbutimdrowning @lilcrazy011 @chey-h @xmads-omensx @blade-dressed-in-red @respectfulrebel @alwaysfightforwhoyouare @mrscevans @blvckmvgicwoman @punkprincess1999 @fear-its-beauty @bloody-spades @n0n3xsisting @thenmaybehellaintsobadafterall @athenexe @tashka @badomensls @fadingintothegrey @concrtlimits @whatismylifexox @theanarchymuse95 @renegadebirch @theasowle @darknightstarryeyes @montgomery-929496

If you want to be on my taglist click here

[churipu]

I LOVE HOW YOU WRITE GOJO !!! could i request him having a girlfriend that's really good in the kitchen? like both cooking AND baking !! i can imagine him getting a sugar rush (from her !!) because she tried recreating (and succeeded) his favorite kikufuku from scratch 🩷 and she's probably worrying all the time if the stuff that she makes is good because she just cooks and bakes "for fun" and not as a full time thing 🥹

SUGAR RUSH ! — GOJO SATORU + A GOOD COOK GIRLFRIEND

featuring. gojo satoru

warning. none :)

note. hii anon! <33 i absolutely love this, i can just imagine him being so happy about having a really good cook girlfriend. i hope this is to your liking, have a great day anon! and to you readers, have a big fat sloppy kiss mwah!

"baby, did you make this yourself?" gojo asks you, taking a bite out of the kikufuku mochi you made him this afternoon.

he had opened the freezer a few minutes prior to look for anything he can nibble on — and oolala he came across a tray of kikufuku he doesn't remember being there. but having a good cook of a girlfriend, he wasn't even surprised anymore, he's just very delighted to have his very own homemade kikufuku made by yours truly.

you nodded your head, "do you...like it? tell me how it tastes, i've been working on it for a while now so i'm not sure how it would taste."

"like it? i don't like it." gojo mutters out, eyeing you.

you didn't take things to the heart quickly, you've always believed that failing is a process of learning. so you chuckled, "don't worry about it, i'll try making another one for you. was it too sweet? or was the mochi skin weird on texture?"

gojo grins, "baby, i love it! you really should think about opening your own restaurant — i'll even fund it, no kidding." he tells you, taking another bite out of the kikufuku mochi.

opening a restaurant has been a long time dream. and gojo knew, but there are a few reasons to why it hasn't opened up till' now, you weren't confident with your own cooking. no matter how many times gojo told you about how good they are — you still think they aren't restaurant worthy yet.

"maybe next time? i don't think i have the time for it now," you were technically speaking half the truth.

you had a stable job that pays well (not as much as gojo who's a jujutsu sorcerer, but still enough) — you landed a job as a baker, so you all you needed to do was follow your boss' recipe and everything was settled.

"you can just resign and...focus on this one, hm?" gojo slithered his arms around your waist, pressing kisses on the side of your face— in a way on encouraging you, "i'll even help you, 'm sure it's going to be a great hit!"

you chuckled at his statement, "maybe in a few years, satoru?"

the male whines, burying his face into your neck. he'd never understood why you always tell him that, no matter how hard he tried to convince you about opening a restaurant, you'd decline saying that it wasn't time yet.

but gojo, he could see right through you like an open book. the problem wasn't it being "the wrong time", it was how you weren't confident with what you've made; despite him telling you thousands of time that what you made never fail to amaze him with your cooking.

you sometimes think he was saying that just to make you happy.

cooking for gojo has been a daily routine, he never asks for you to do it — you just liked cooking so much that you made it your job to always make sure he's full. knowing he has a sweet tooth, especially for kikufuku, you try your best to make them for him.

it was quite hard to nail the dessert on the first few times. but like everyone said: "practice makes perfect" and sure enough your hard work pays off, he does enjoy the kikufuku you took long to perfect. and your heart feels full.

"a few years? that's too long," he whines, "how about now?"

you laughed lightly, "you're cute. if you wanted to taste my cooking, i can just make it for you, y'know?" gojo laid his chin on top of your head and grumbled.

"i want the whole world to taste your cooking," he mutters out.

how sweet of him.

"aren't I your world?" you found yourself spouting out non-sense just to try to avoid the same topic yet again — gojo sensed so, and he didn't push on with it. if he finds you avoiding it, it just meant one thing; you didn't want to talk about it, it wasn't that hard to understand, really.

gojo nodded his head, "good point. you are my world," he laughs lightly, kissing the top of your head, nuzzling his nose into your hair.

if you could see his face right now, you'd be worried. gojo satoru, the strongest, had his brows furrowed and a frown on his face, he was worried about you. a lot. sometimes he just wants to cup your face, give you kisses and tell you that you're the best cook he has ever met, he was pretty damn sure he's heard you saying how you weren't a good cook because you do it as a hobby and not professionally — or along the lines of that.

"satoru, i'm trying to put these kikufuku in the freezer or they'll fall apart," you softly lets his arms go, "you can snack on these later if you're hungry. or maybe you could bring them to the kids too, i made quite a lot."

by kids you meant yuuji, nobara, and megumi. gojo being their teacher also meant you having a lot of meetings with the trio — and they have been nothing but sweet to you, sometimes you find yourself packing food for gojo to bring for them.

"good idea, i'll give it to them so they know how much of a good cook you are. yeah? maybe they'll help me convince you to open your very own restaurant," you laughed lightly, shaking your head at his idea.

gojo puckered his lips out, "if you don't want to open a restaurant then at least let me have one more kikufuku. last one, promise."

you shook your head, putting the tray of kikufuku inside the freezer, "you've had four! you'll get sick," gojo puts his hands on either side of your waist, carrying you to the side so he could make his way to the freezer, "hey!"

"the only thing i'll be getting is a sugar rush, angel."

"oh god, that's even worse than you getting sick," gojo turns his head to look at you, his cerulean eyes narrowed, "i am not taking care of you if you get sick, you hear me?"

gojo arched a brow, "you said that last time, and the only person who stayed by my side the whole entire time was you," he pinched your cheek gently with a large grin, "you'll take care of me, will ya'?"

knowing he was right you let out an exasperated sigh, "you're silly. don't eat more or i'll stop making them for you— i'm just afraid you'll get a sugar rush tonight. don't you remember the last time it happened?"

gojo scratches his nape with a nervous smile. a few weeks ago, you made a big strawberry swiss roll — and the male managed to chow down on it in a matter of hours. late at night, he was wide awake, babbling about how much he loves you and then proceeded to list everything that he loves about you from a to z.

it was quite sweet of him, but still: you needed sleep. as a result, you barely gotten any sleep at all and had to go to work exhausted; although gojo did apologize for his nightly sugar rush, and tried to make it up to you by "cooking" for you, which ended up disastrous as he had gotten distracted by a tv show in the middle of his cooking. no foods were served that night so you both had to get take out.

and you had to throw out your favorite non-stick pan because of that.

you appreciated his effort though (and this time he made it up to you by purchasing a pan set — which he told you was a token of his apology for ruining your favorite pan and for his sugar rush).

"hey, i was showing my love to you. and plus, you got a set of brand new pan because of my sugar rush," gojo defends himself with a smile, leaning onto the kitchen island.

"in an exchange for my exhaustion, i almost passed out at work," he gasps out dramatically.

"why wasn't i informed of that? oh my god, 'm a monster." he talked to himself, which you weren't even surprised of anymore, so you let out a soft chuckle.

"kidding. but no— i'd never like to see or hear your sugar rush anymore, i have work tomorrow. i'll be fine if it's the weekend," i poked his side, walking away.

gojo grabbed your arm, pulling you close, "what if you don't have work tomorrow?"

you arched a brow in confusion, "but i do."

he smiles ever so sweetly that it was starting to get suspicious, "oh, i know! i was just asking, y'know?"

"o...kay then?"

gojo, that slick motherfucker, called your boss and told her you were sick and wouldn't be able to come tomorrow. and so— began the restless night of his episode of sugar rush and just the tenth thousands of "i love you"s from him.

© CHURIPU 2023 , DO NOT COPY OR REPOST ANYWHERE !

[xenteaart]

contemplating mediocrity

pairing: idol!chan x reader (gn but written with f!reader in mind) word count: 0,9k genre/warnings: er, hurt to comfort, use of "baby", self-doubt, honestly not much else, pretty pg-13 author's note: heavily inspired by @withleeknow 's last seungmin fic, i couldn't handle the angst and needed to comfort myself fkdjfkdjfk. also it kinda made me reflect on why it hurt so bad so i guess this fic is a little support and comfort thingy for everyone who might not be feeling "enough". before reading you might wanna check out the inspo fic itself <3

“baby? what’s wrong?” 

ah, he’s always too quick to notice. 

you take your eyes off the laptop and put a video of 3racha’s festival performance on pause.

“nothing. you guys did a wonderful job, truly. ’m just… contemplating my mediocrity.”

“what?” he’s more just taken aback than anything else but you read it as irritation.

it’s one of those days when everything feels extra sensitive, even the things you can deal with well on a regular day.

“what? chris, baby, i’m not being self-deprecating, it’s just a fact. i truly could not be more proud of you, but sometimes i just can’t shake off the feeling of not doing enough compared to you. 

it warms my heart to know that you are so so loved and respected, it really does. but, i guess.. it’s a little humbling too? i haven’t achieved anything nearly as grand and i don’t have thousands of people cheering for me after i do as much as breathe. which you totally deserve, by the way, i’m not saying you don’t.”

long silence follows as chris frowns, carefully crafting his next response while you’re already starting to regret you opened your mouth at all. maybe, some things should be kept to yourself. maybe, it’s not really necessary to share every dark thought that comes to your pained mind after midnight. maybe, it’s safer for your relationship to just move those conversations to a cozy zoom meeting with your therapi—

“that’s a skewed perception of our dynamic though, baby.” 

oh, shit. he has the look. you know this one too well, and it says “i’m not letting this slide and we’re talking this through”. 

“how so?” you feel tired and discouraged already, mostly annoyed at yourself for making your boyfriend come up with some nonsense points to make you feel better now. 

“don’t put me on a pedestal. firstly, i think you’re forgetting how many people there actually are behind what we’re doing. daily. i’m talking all the staff and production teams, makeup, hair, clothes, art direction, schedule management. everything. there is literally a whole division for us that makes us look the way we look and helps us do what we love.”

you stay quiet, blinking slowly and pursing your lips together. 

“which isn’t to say we don’t work hard or that we haven’t achieved anything, but it wouldn’t have been possible without all that help. 

secondly, in my daily life i’m just a guy, baby. literally just a guy who loves music. nothing fancy,” chan gives you one of those wide soft smiles, and you hear your heart break a little. 

“yeah, well, not every guy who loves music has the amount of awards and recognition you do, baby.”

“okay, where is this truly going?”

there it goes.

“sometimes i worry i just can’t match it? that you’ll get bored of me because i’m not over the top extraordinary or... whatever.”

you feel stupid. 

“so you think i’m with you for your so-called achievements?”

you can’t come up with a response, so he continues, gently hugging you from behind and resting his chin on your shoulder. his favorite way of making you feel loved. 

“i’m with you because you’re my sense of normalcy, baby. you calm my mind when it’s racing too fast. you’re my safe little harbour where i can find peace after hectic schedules and loud noises and crowds. you ease the weight i carry on my shoulders every day.” 

you stay silent, focusing on the feeling of his warm breath on your cheek. the tip of his nose is touching your skin lightly.

“you love the regular channie. you kiss my puffy swollen face in the mornings, and those kisses make me wonder if i’m actually not that bad without all the makeup on after all. you laugh at my jokes and cuddle me when i get needy. you listen to my darkest nastiest thoughts and never judge me for feeling whatever it is i’m feeling. 

what i’m getting at is that... i can just be me around you, you know? that’s why i’m still here. and i feel so proud to have a partner with a big warm heart and a strong mind, honored to be cared for by someone so neat and beautiful in the most mundane things.

do you really think i’d measure my love and respect for you by something like fame or... some noble achievements?”

“i don’t know,” you sound even more confused than at the beginning of this suddenly serious conversation, caught off guard by chan’s words, but mostly — his tenderness towards you. his patience and the way he's willing to spell it out for you if you're feeling too low to see the whole picture yourself.

"well, then i’m telling you. that is just not the case. you’re already everything i could ask for, baby. someone passionate, honest, reliable, loving and kind. someone who holds my hands through the hard days and makes me laugh on the good days. simple as that."

the pressure on your chest is slowly fading as chan's words finally sinking in, finding their ways into your system and rendering as the truth. the ache isn't completely gone but you know it will be in the morning, when the sunrise washes the rest of your worries away.

for now, you turn around in chris's embrace and hide your nose in the crook of his neck, simply breathing and enjoying the lingering scent of his soap. skin to skin.

[starredblood]

CHIHIRO

PART FIVE

kang sae-byeok x fem!reader

synopsis: you take a leap of faith to go find sae-byeok after everything from the past makes sense.

wc. 5.6k

warnings: reader gets bad ptsd, fluff, comfort, angst | authors note: another series done! thank you so much for everyone’s constant words of encouragement this might be my last series for a while now that school is starting to get more hectic but stay tuned for one shot fics in the close close future because i already have something planned!

(chihiro masterlist)

(summer, 2021)

Sae-byeok did it. She finally had the guts to do what she was deathly afraid of—running away from Deok-su’s gang without a trace. After completing one last task, she threw her phone into a nearby river and abandoned her dinghy apartment for a much smaller, less spacious one two towns over. Although this meant she was free from his deadly grasp, her source of income was plummeting. It also meant she was farther away from the library and you.

Now, that Cheol’s back in school and summer is starting to dissipate by the changing colors of the leaves above her, she knows she has a cruel awakening this winter. Her new apartment—if you could even call it that, wont have proper heating for the cold weather. But she’s gone through worse.

An hour before visiting hour ends, Sae-byeok heads over to the children’s school. She can already envision the way Cheol is going to look at her for not appearing these past two weeks—shiny doe eyes and trembling lips. And that’s exactly what happened.

“I thought something bad happened to you.” Cheol grumbles.

The Kang siblings sit across from each other in the visitors lounge. Cheol, as of recently, began carrying at least two books everywhere he goes and this time is no different. But he isn’t interested in the contents inside the books—not when his sister reemerged out of the depths.

She tucks stray hairs behind her ear and couldn’t even look at him in the eye when he said that. It was too much. She promised him a lot and he still hasn’t seen the ends of any of her promises. ‘I promise we’ll live together soon’, ‘I promise mom will be here soon.’

“Sorry.” she mutters. “I had to do something—work related.”

“It’s okay, I guess.” he says, knowing he can’t ask too many questions regarding what Sae-byeok does to earn their income.

“How’s school? It’s your first week back right?”

He nods. “My teacher already said I was doing good with reading. I just need to get better at math.”

“You’re a smart kid, you’ll catch on.” she says, her voice too flat for her liking. She couldn’t even sound encouraging enough to lift his spirits, not like you could.

Just then, a volunteer from the children’s home enters the visitors room to announce that there’s only ten minutes left before the kids have to get ready for bed. Cheol’s demeanor falters by the news, his posture slackens and his eyes turn worrisome. He never gotten used to living in these environments, not when he’s outcasted by the other kids for his accent and lack of understanding of South Korean culture.

“Don’t worry,” Sae-byeok assures immediately after noticing. “I’ll be back tomorrow way earlier.”

“Okay.” he says, forcing a small smile. But he doesn’t sound convinced. “Maybe we could stop by the library?” he suggests, hopeful. Sae-byeok becomes immobilized—she doesn’t want to tell him no but she refuses to go back and face you. “…I haven’t seen noona in a week.” he adds as if he read her mind.

“What?”

He gulps. “I asked the other librarians for her but they all said she was sick. Do you know if she’s okay?”

Suddenly, a thousand scenarios of everything that could go wrong with you flashes past Sae-byeok’s eyes. Her hands began to turn clammy and her heart races. If you’ve been sick for a week that has to be alarming. But she couldn’t sit here and not do something about it, right?

Sae-byeok was your girlfriend before everything that happened to you. And after she learned about your condition, retrograde amnesia, there was nothing she could do but watch as you move in without her. It left her crying for days on end and in her mind—this was a much worse fate than death. Her biggest fear was losing you, and the fact that she did in one of the worst ways felt like life was taunting her in the cruelest of manners. You were the brightest thing in her dark and harsh life and then you were gone.

But she promised herself one thing, that she would watch over you regardless. Even if you move on to another lover, or hate her when you met her all over again, it didn’t matter—she still dedicated her time to watch over you beneath the shadows. Yet, it was hard not to get close to you again, it was a grueling task to not be able to reach out to touch you, kiss you, and just talk to you. But her fears still loom around her mind. What if she loses you again? Is it better to let go than risking the chance to love again?

The morning before she ran away, it felt like everything was back to normal again. And for a split second she forgot about your amnesia, that’s why she kissed you all of a sudden. The guilt of leaving you in the dark is swallowing her whole.

She blinks of out her deep thoughts while Cheol observes her curiously. “I’ll go check up on her.” she tells him.

“And…Is she your girlfriend again? If she is then can I be her friend again?” he asks, hopeful.

“No, she isn’t. But—“ she cuts herself off to lick her chapped lips. “you can be her friend again.” she tells her brother who beams.

Once visitation hour is over, Sae-byeok decides to take the tiring walk to your apartment rather than taking the subway, which she can’t afford to do. The second she made it to your block, an unsettling feeling started to form in her stomach like she was on the verge of throwing up. She tried not to feel in order to prevent herself from panicking. If you weren’t okay, then she wouldn’t know what to do with herself.

Before she knocked on your door, she shut her eyes and waited until her breath became steady. After knocking several times nothing occurred and she couldn’t hear anything on the other side of the door, so she does it again with more force. Still nothing.

It’s too late for you to still be at the library if you went back to work and she doubts you’d be at your mother’s house. Sae-byeok had to rationalize with herself that putting in the four digit code for your door’s code was good—she had check up on you.

When she opens the door, she barely pokes her head out to the dark entrance way. Her voice cracks when she calls out your name after not speaking for a while. Sae-byeok slightly tenses when Sen, your cat, appears from the dark alleyway surveying the door. The cat appears to be well fed, right?

She studies the apartment from the entrance. Nothing looks out of place except a kitchen cabinet that was left open revealing all of your medications and first aid kit. She says your name a little more louder, her voice bouncing off the walls. Yet nothing. The panic was starting to set it, she curls her hands into fists to stop them from shaking. Sae-byeok needs to be realistic, there’s no way you’re hurt—life wouldn’t do that do you. You’re too good, have too much to live for, and you provide good things to people’s lives. You gave Sae-byeok hope. If you’re gone, where will that hope in her go?

So, she steps inside and shuts the door behind her. She slowly drags her foot to the hallway. This place showed so signs of life besides Sen. All the lights were off except a singular lamp by your cat’s bed. When she made it to your bedroom door, the grasp on the doorknob was slippery by her sweaty hands.

She opens the door and you’re there and you look…okay?

You were sitting propped up against the bed frame with your large headphones and a book on your lap. When you see her appear from your doorway, your eyes widen but remain stiff in the position she saw you in. The only thing that was out of place, if you could even call it that, was the tip of your nose and your cheeks were red. You must’ve been recovering from a cold or something. But this means Sae-byeok worried for nothing and she trespassed into your home unexpectedly—like a freak.

“Shit, shit.” she whispers frantically, her heart falling to her stomach. She ducks her head to face the ground like she saw something unforgivable—her face becoming hotter by the second. “I’m sorry.”

Immediately, she goes to shut the door and walks swiftly to leave. She’s never been so embarrassed and now she needs several days to cope with what she’s done.

When she bursts open the door she heard you weakly say something, “Wait.” but it was too late, Sae-byeok fucked up bad. She had to leave and not face you again.

Sae-byeok reaches to pat her cheeks and felt something wet. She looks strangely at her tear coated fingers, not understanding why these high emotions bursted out of nowhere. You were okay, so why was she crying?

──・──・・✿ ・・──・──

You are familiar with grief in a sense. It’s an emotion that never truly goes away and after losing your dad when you were just a young child, you thought that’d be the last time you would deal with grief. But now that you’re older you know that it comes in more ways than just death. You grieve for the person you once might’ve been—a smarter more driven one. And you grieve not being able to reconcile with Sae-byeok, who never left your mind ever since you met her…again.

But you don’t know what it was about her that drew you in. Was it her once cold estranged demeanor or the way she softly touched you and looked at you? Maybe it’s both, it has to be. There’s nothing negative you can say about that girl, is that was love does to you?

Love is another tumultuous emotion. You didn’t know what it meant to love a person who isn’t family, but you found your answer. After confronting your mom weeks ago, you found only one thing that linked you and Sae-byeok before the accident—a journal.

The journal was small and stained by mysterious dirty liquid since you found it discarded by the dumpster. It only showed you fragments of your life before you forgot: you met her through tutoring Cheol, you recommend her favorite book, you were the one that showed her the botanical garden, you took a punch for her and that was the same night you shared your first kiss, and in the last page was a declaration. This declaration was your epiphany and you want so badly to tell her about it because you’re certain she wouldn’t runaway once she finds out.

But she disappeared.

When she came into your apartment, you were still recovering from your fever and was too weak to chase after her. But that was telling enough that she does care about you, she’s just afraid. But how can you alleviate her worries when she began hiding?

So, you didn’t have a choice but bring poor Cheol into this.

“She likes to buy her cigarettes at this convenience store.” the boy told you the other day in the library, showing you the location in your work computer. “She always takes me here to buy my snacks.”

With that piece of information you think, what other time besides night time would Sae-byeok appear at this convenience store? So, after work it’s decided: you’d wait around all night to see if she shows face. It was risky and highly unlikely that you would see her after one day of loitering.

That’s why it took you three nights. You hung around at this convenience store from eight o’ clock till midnight, whipping your head whenever the doorbell rung and drooped back to stare at your phone when it wasn’t her. And every time, you brought the stained journal and the Heaven book.

On the third night, the doorbell rings and you barely look up to see who entered the shop. You had to double take when you saw the person wearing a familiar forrest green utility jacket and short raven hair. Sae-byeok casually strolls to the front desk. It was nerve wracking deciding wether to approach her or wait for her to notice your lonely presence by the seating area—her reaction could be of many. By the time you decided to go up to her, she already paid at the counter and turned around to head out. She freezes midway when she saw you.

It was hard to determine what she could be thinking. Her eyes boring into yours, lips pressed into a thin line, and jaw clenched. But the rest of her body seemed tense—nervous even.

You clear your raspy throat and say to her soft yet firmly, “Let’s talk, Sae-byeok.”

She finally blinks and looks away from you. “There’s nothing to say.”

Clutching onto her cigarette pack, she shoves them into the depths of her pocket and walks around you. You didn’t understand what she was so afraid of—you’re right here, no anger or fear in your voice.

“You have to know I’m just going to follow you until you let me talk to you.” you say matter-of-factly, ushering out the door and letting the cool summer breeze hit your cheeks.

“I can’t do this.” she says, her voice louder now that they’re on the streets. It was the same thing she said last time and you wonder what she truly means by it.

“But you can!”

You flinch. Sae-byeok crosses the busy walkway street, with both sides of the road filled with cars waiting for the light to turn green. You’ve been keen on avoiding crossing large walkways but you can see her tall lean body start getting smaller and smaller until she ends up on the other side of the road.

There wasn’t much time for you to think about your next moves, even with how hard your heart was hammering against your chest. Sae-byeok was getting away. You ball both your hands up into fists and force your shaky legs to cross.

By the time Sae-byeok had crossed the streets she heard two things: cars honking and a blood curling scream that came from you.

You didn’t know what to do, you were walking by so slow due to fright of the cars revving their engines all around you. By the time you made it to the center of the road, the light had already turned green and then the honking began.

Suddenly, you were back in that taxi car a few months ago with your head leaning against the backseat window and in a moments flash, you saw a car’s headlights aim for impact on your side.

You didn’t know what to do except collapse on the ground and cover your ears from the blasting horns bursting your eardrums. The whole time you tried bracing yourself for impact again, just like you did a few months ago. But the cars—they had to be taunting you, they couldn’t stop beeping and beeping. And all you could do was scream for help while you crouched helplessly on the ground.

Your shouting got louder when you felt something touch you, something calloused and warm. By the time you opened your eyes and realized Sae-byeok tried to carry you bridal style across the street you both collapsed on the sidewalk after she tripped on the ledge.

“Are you ladies okay?” and “Why didn’t you cross?” were heard in multiple variations by passerby’s once the two of you fell on the cemented floor. But neither of you cared enough to respond. Sae-byeok only cared about your well being and you were too busy reliving the horrors you experienced the day you got into that accident.

“It’s okay, it’s okay!” you heard a muffle voice say but you were terrified to remove your hands from your ears. What were once screams coming from your mouth was replaced with soft trembly cries. “You’re safe—I got you! You’re safe, please don’t be scared!”

You shook your heard, convinced that you were still in the middle of the street.

“Please—Please open your eyes and look at me, please!”

The fear started to subside when you felt gentle motions trace along your back and several kisses to your temples. By the time you started to slowly remove your shaky hands from your ears, it felt like light years have passed.

“That’s it. Now just open your eyes and you’ll see that I’m here and I swear I’m not leaving your side.” you hear Sae-byeok fully and clearly. You bat open your eyes, your eyelashes drenched with tears and you saw her. Sae-byeok’s eyes were also swimming in tears but she only cared to wipe yours away with the pads of her thumbs. “You’re safe and look—I made sure that you have your things.”

She grabs your book and journal that were sitting beside her from the sidewalk and placed them on your lap. You couldn’t comprehend what was going on yet, still catching your breath but she waited for you. It got better when she began to reach for your hands and rub them against hers, blowing into them to provide heat. When your eyesight became clearer after the tears and fear dwindling away by Sae-byeok’s gentleness. It was exactly what you needed.

Her hands were scraped and red after the fall, but she didn’t care.

“I’m…” you croak, your voice still unstable. “I’m…sorry.”

Sae-byeok pauses what she was doing and stares at you, her eyes drooping with melancholia. “No,” she breathes with her low and raspy voice. “you didn’t do anything wrong. Please believe me when I say that.”

You try to hold back more sobs but end up hiccuping instead. And all you had the ability to say was, “T—Take me home.”

She stood up first and reached both her hands out to you, helping you stand up. She lets one of her hands drop and the other one to remain holding yours as she leads you to your apartment—making sure you’re walking on the safe side of the sidewalk the entire time.

The whole walk home was excruciatingly embarrassing as you started to register what occurred to you and how many people saw. Including Sae-byeok. It was a huge moment of weakness in your end. Ever since the accident you can’t handle even standing close to cars let alone hear their loud honking noises on the bustling sides of town. And what just occurred was your biggest fear. Your stomach drops having to imagine what would’ve happened to you if Sae-byeok wasn’t there or hadn’t noticed.

Your tears were fully dry by the time you both made it to your apartment and you dart straight to your bedroom to collapse on the mattress. Although you felt much more relaxed, sometimes you felt your hands get shaky again.

Sae-byeok sat on the corner on the bed, quietly observing you which is something she’s a natural at. Now that the high intensity situation was over, she felt more insecure about being able to soothe you and console you with words. She hoped that at least her presence was helpful rather than a nuisance.

“Stay tonight.” you murmur. You could see her chest stop moving, she was holding her breath to your request. For a moment you thought she’d stand up to walk away but she just nodded. A small breath of air escapes your mouth, you think it’s a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” you whisper much quieter.

Sae-byeok remained in stand by, ready to move in lighting speed when you get back up from your bed. You sluggishly head to your drawer and pull out a stripped pajama set for her.

“I’m going to freshen up.” you mutter flatly. It was as if all of your emotions had been drained from your body, it worried her. “You can change in my room…I’ll have a toothbrush for you when I get out.”

Sae-byeok didn’t know what to say. It hurt seeing you so fragile and shaken up.

After the two of you got ready for bed, not saying another word to each other, Sae-byeok tried to figure out how to talk to you in a way that’ll ease your aching heart. Her luck of courage came when Sen started to crawl on top of her chest, making you chuckle softly at the sight.

“She’s cute.” Sae-byeok says, gently patting along the cat’s back.

You remained quiet which makes her anxious. Then you swallow thickly before speaking up after a long time of just pure stillness, “Promise me you’ll still be here by the time I wake up.”

She holds her breath to think. You still needed to talk to her about that kiss and what it meant. Maybe this’ll be the last time she’s going to lay on your bed, comforted by the warmth radiating off your body.

“Okay…” she says and lets Sen hop off her chest and onto the ground, her nails could be heard pattering against the floor. She was afraid to hear you out, but the anticipation of knowing was killing her. “I’m sorry I kissed you.” she says in rapid fire speed.

Again, you were quiet until she heard vibrations that sounded like chuckling. “It’s okay—it was just unexpected.”

“Yeah.” she gulps and lets both her hands rest on top of her stomach.

“Girlfriend.” you hum as if that was the most interesting word you heard.

“What?”

“You were my girlfriend, right?” you ask but didn’t hear a peep from her. “How long have we been dating for?”

Sae-byeok shuts her eyes and grinds her teeth. It was like you were taunting her. “Stop.”

“Weren’t you curious in the slightest when I brought your favorite book and a journal when I saw you at the convenience store?”

Her silence only made you more determined to tell her everything you found out. And you refuse to let what just occurred to you get in the way of telling her. You rise up from the bed and turn on your lamp, letting soft yellow lighting to intimately illuminate the room ever so slightly. Sae-byeok watched as you got up and picked up something from your desk and sat down on the mattress where you were previous laying on.

First, you flip through the pages of her favorite book and find a particular section that was bookmarked with a sticky tab “Look at this quote from your favorite book, ‘There are all kinds of things of things in the world I don't understand, but I really wanted to understand you.’…”

Sae-byeok has no idea where you’re going with this. She follows suit and also decides to sit up. “What are you trying to say?”

“Don’t run away, Sae-byeok.” you whisper, looking deep into her concerned eyes. “Let’s talk. I swear it’s better than running away from it.”

“What else is there to say—?”

“Technically, we never broke up. So, you’re still my girlfriend.”

“Thats not how it works.” she frowns. It if were only that easy—but the small smile creeping up your lips made her stomach do that weird thing that it has been doing ever since she met you. However, you were right, she can’t runaway from the sad truth anymore. It was time to say goodbye to you for good. “Okay…Let’s talk.”

You place the book beside you and sort through the torn and yellowed pages of your journal that looks like it belongs in ancient times. You stop midway through the pages and glance back at her. “Is your favorite color green?”

“Yeah?” she answers questioningly. “How did you know?”

“My mom tried to throw away everything containing you but I found my journal by the dumpster.”

“She never liked me.” she mutters so low that you didn’t hear her while you flipped to the last page of the journal.

“Most of the pages are stained or ripped but I found something interesting about you.” you explain. Your eyes gleam with adoration at whatever you were reading. “Here: ‘Sae-byeok reminds me of flowers like azaleas, wisterias, and lily of the valleys. What these flowers have in common is that they’re all poisonous yet so beautiful. More beautiful than flowers we can actually touch and that perfectly describes who she is as a person. A beautiful yet untouchable one. However, she allows me to hug her, caress her hair, and kiss her cheek from time to time because I think I gained a trust with her that is special. The more I got to know her the more I realized that my fondness for her transcends that of friendship and even romance…I don’t know what it is yet but I hope it’s love. I think I love, Sae-byeok’.”

Silence fills the room. She stares at you intently yet her face was beet red. What you said to her was an overwhelming profession of love that she never imagined anyone would say to her. She doesn’t think she deserves an ounce of what you wrote in that journal. But the way you’re staring at her with full admiration in your eyes is making her think otherwise.

“I told you about that list I make to help my memory.” you add with more fervor, smiling wider than before. “It’s all about poisonous flowers—I didn’t know at first why I chose that to memorize but now I do. My feelings for you never went away—not really.“

“I’m scared. I lost you once I don’t think I can lose you again.” she finally admits what she meant all along. Her ultimate fear—loss. Even if she wants nothing more than to be with you.

“I understand. But love always comes with sacrifices, doesn’t it?”

“I’m so sorry.” she whispers. “For everything—for running away. For being the reason you…” she couldn’t even finish by the guilt bubbling her stomach.

You press your forehead against hers and reach over to take on her hands to rub soothing circles around them. “It’s okay. I know you never meant to hurt me.”

When she didn’t respond verbally, you didn’t expect her to do so by softly pressing her lips against yours. Unlike the first time she kissed you, which was a mere second peck, this one was meant to be savored. The moment you kissed her back, she adjusted herself to hover over you—one hand trailing up your arm leaving goosebumps on its trail and the other holding the back of your head. Sae-byeok’s hands roamed all over you with ease, you couldn’t be surprised.

The kiss had so much familiarity. The movement of your mouths against each other felt routinely yet the fiery passion had never engulfed. When you both pull apart, you were laying in between your pillows and her on top staring heavily into your eyes. The feeling of her fingers touching the exposed skin on your waist made your stomach knot up.

“I promise I won’t hurt you anyone, okay?” she reassures you breathlessly. “I hope this means you’ll be my girlfriend again.”

“I’ll love to be your girlfriend—again.” you say with a soft laugh that she reciprocates before dipping down to kiss you one more time.

The morning started with clanging sounds coming outside your bedroom. After several failed attempts to open your eyes, you forced your tired body to cooperate with you when you saw Sae-byeok’s spot on the bed empty. The only trail she left was the imprint of her head on your pillow.

You walk to the kitchen and your heart swells with content seeing Sae-byeok. She kept her promise.

Currently your girlfriend was sitting crisscrossed on the floor in front of Sen’s bowl, pouring her food. You place a hand on her shoulder to not startle her too much and sit beside her on the ground, observing as Sen began to dive into her food bowl.

“Good morning.” Sae-byeok says, leaning to press a chaste kiss on your cheek. “I think I fed her the right amount. Hope you don’t mind.”

“You did it just right.” you yawn, leaning your head on her shoulder, still sleepy.

“Are you free all day?” she asks after.

“Unfortunately, I have to go in for work in about two hours.” you sigh exasperatedly. “Good thing you woke me up because I might’ve forgotten to turn on my alarm.”

“I’ll make breakfast now then.” she says and nudges you off your shoulder playfully. You let out a groan while grabs your hand to help you rise off the floor. Her hands remain holding yours however and her eyes were hesitantly searching yours like she was trying to look for any sign of discomfort. “Um…Do you want to go visit Cheol after work with me? I know you had a tough time last night so if you want to get rest I understand.”

“What? Of course, I want to go with you.” you say. “Just please pick me up.”

“Obviously.” she rolls her eyes and strides to the kitchen. “He missed you a lot by the way. He was asking me if you could be his friend again if it meant you’d be my girlfriend again.” she says coolly.

“Really?” you snort and lean on the counter to observe her as she began prepping the stove. Instinctively, you reach over to move a stray hair that fell above her eyes. This gesture alone made the tips of her ears red which she tries masking with her pokerface expression. She amuses you so much. You could get used to this very well.

“Really.” she repeats softly, a subtle smile setting on her lips.

This quiet morning with you is something she hopes to see for a very long time. Although, she may not have a lot of things to give—she promises to herself that she will provide you with all the care and love in the world now that she has you back in her arms. But she’ll never tell you that out loud, of course.

──・──・・✿ ・・──・──

(winter, 2021)

It is one of those rare occasions where Sae-byeok takes Cheol to visit you at your apartment. Usually, the three of you spend time in the library, cafe, or the children’s home. But rarely ever in your place—she thought it was still too early in your relationship to make a big commitment like that. It was your apartment, it’s personal. And by bringing Cheol to your personal abode it meant that Sae-byeok was seriously committing herself to you.

You two have only been dating since August. And throughout these past months of being with you, it brought her nothing but peace and happiness. She didn’t have to be anyone but herself around you and vise versa. You both understood each other from the get-go. She never thought she was able to be vulnerable to anyone like this before.

When the Kang siblings walk up the stairs to your apartment floor, Cheol practically couldn’t stand still from the excitement of seeing you and your home. Sae-byeok had to hold back laughing at him as she knocked on your door.

“Noona!” Cheol beams once the door opened, expecting you to appear right after he spoke.

Sae-byeok gets an unsettling feeling when the door revealed no one at first. She tells her brother to quiet down, making him pout.

When an older woman who has striking facial similarities to you appeared instead, her heart rate began to increase slowly but surely. This must’ve been your mother—was this some sort of family gathering that she wasn’t aware of?

However, when your mom opens the door wider, her hand was placed on her hip and she frantically look between Sae-byeok and Cheol. Worry was covering all of her features.

“Are you, Sae-byeok?” she says, almost demandingly but her eyes couldn’t look anything but stressed. Sae-byeok nods and is unable to open her mouth up to speak. “Who’s this?”

When she doesn’t respond Cheol steps in and bows. “I’m Cheol. She’s my sister.”

“I see.” your mom says, raising a skeptical brow. “Sae-byeok, can I speak to you for a moment—alone. Come in both of you, of course.”

Something was very off putting about all of this but it doesn’t look like they have a choice but to enter the apartment. Besides all of your belongings still here, yet there was no signs of you anywhere.

While Cheol sat on the living room couch with a book to keep him busy, your mom pulled Sae-byeok to the kitchen.

“She got into a car accident last week.” she says, her voice quiet but loud enough for Sae-byeok to hear the tremble in her voice.

The world felt like it collapsed in on her with this news. Sae-byeok didn’t want to show any signs of fear that she was feeling and gripped onto the edge of your kitchen counter to hold herself together. This wasn’t happening. Not to you—this isn’t true…

“She’s—alright.” your mom says hesitantly and runs her hands through her unruly hair. “But the doctor said she has some sort of amnesia from the accident—and we still aren’t sure how many memories she’s lost but the doctor is positive she lost at least a year’s worth of memories. Hopefully, not any more but she’s still has so much head trauma to determine.”

Your mom started to become blurry in Sae-byeok’s vision. It’s been awhile since she’s cried—especially in front of someone. If you lost a years worth of memories that must mean—

“Just forget about her, okay?” your mom declares softly. Clearly she was trying to sound more stern but her weariness made it sound like a tired plead. “She forgot about you…and it’s best if she recovers without your presence. It’ll just make it harder for her to heal. So, please, don’t come back and don’t go looking for her. For her sake.”

When Sae-byeok and Cheol stood outside your apartment with the news of your tragic accident, there was nothing left to say.

Cheol couldn’t help but glance up, concerned by his sister’s behavior. She’s always been quiet but this type of quiet is scary. Her facial muscles kept twitching due to holding back any signs of sadness and worry. She didn’t want to say it but she was trying not to feel anything right now.

You forgot about her? Just like that? Sae-byeok is upset, at you, at the world—at everyone. She doesn’t understand how you broke her heart so silently yet so harshly.

“Noona,” Cheol finally speaks up, a little fear in his voice for her reaction. “is she okay?”

Sae-byeok doesn’t say anything, making him puzzle up a story.

Now, Sae-byeok has to decisions to make: take a lifetime to get over you or secretly watch over you if you decide to continue to live your life without her in it. So, what will it be?

🏷️: @lyzem @monkey4lifer @tlouloser @bitchybananaflower @yenyu1s @marfe816 @gummyoonji @peelover25 @saebyeokbliss @knfthxv @we1rdth0ughts @monroesturnns @wiltingconquest @noaanotfound @tyresedidujsfart @madebysae @jumpedthenfell-13 @ninistranaut

[walltalks]

I know that this has been hashed over like a thousand times but it’s been in my notes app for like a month, so I’m making it everyone else’s problem now.

Okay, I see people hashing out the amount of control Jackie had over Shauna or how much control Shauna had over Jackie, but that feels like the incorrect conversation to be having. As I see it there was no true power struggle and need for control over the other, instead it’s two opposing forces coming together and then being repelled like magnets. Let’s start with Jackie because I feel like people get her character wrong way too much. Jackie is not a mean girl, she never was and she never will be—I will not hear it. Jackie adheres to societal expectations like inescapable prophecies (and she also isn’t the only one. I will get to that in a second). For her, becoming exactly like her mother is simply something she cannot escape. There is no free will in question it’s just a truth for her. She doesn’t choose the roles she plays she just does. She plays the role of the popular girl in a small town, and learns it with precision (which is partially why she struggles with the wilderness so much. She doesn’t know how to be a person. She just knows how to play a role). That’s something that I’m going to say that might be controversial, but Jackie really isn’t a person—and, okay, that’s harsh, but what I mean is that she doesn’t do things because she wants to she does them because she thinks she should. Or well, most things. She chooses soccer and she chooses Shauna. But that’s it the rest of her life is dictated by the part she thinks she’s supposed to play. She plays her high school part, and she intends to play her college part. She’ll go to the state school and rush a sorority. She’ll end up with some frat guy and get a Mrs. degree and when they graduate they’ll get married and she’ll be a stay at home mom while her husband works; and it doesn’t matter what she wants because this is a prophecy that is inevitable.

The thing that makes people think that Jackie is trying to hold something over Shauna, is that Jackie assumes that Shauna also feels this way. And this brings me back to the fact that Jackie isn’t the only one who feels destined to the people they think they will inevitably become. A good example is Nat who gives in to the fact that she knows she’s going to be a junky and a burnout. Nat who feels like she can’t escape from what she comes from and what she is going to be. So does Jeff and so does Van. They all feel like they can’t escape the inevitability of becoming their parents, of getting trapped in Wiskayok, of this prophecy that tells them that they will never amount to anything. Jackie isn’t the only one, and so why should it be a stretch that Shauna feels the same way. Jackie doesn’t mean to control Shauna she just thinks that they are headed towards the same prophecy and Shauna in some way feels it the way Jackie does. Jackie pushes Randy on Shauna because it has nothing to do with Shauna needing to actually like him because for her being with Jeff has nothing to do with liking him. She’s just doing what she’s supposed to, and Jeff is a part of that (she assumes that Shauna understands). If Shauna gets with Randy then they can both be playing their societal parts but then cheat the system a little bit by doing double dates and using that as an excuse to actually hangout with each other (killing two birds with one stone. Fulfill my societal duties and hangout with the person I actually love). If they play their roles parallel then really they’re doing it together just with the extra inescapable bits on the side. For Jackie a husband is a nameless faceless thing that she’s simply just destined for and it has no bearings on what she actually wants. Same with having a boyfriend, and not to say that she never liked Jeff as like a person but it was always apparent that he was a means to an end. If she wanted to play her part she needed to have a boyfriend. It’s like needing a car to get to your job, and sometimes you have to fill it up with gas (and sometimes you have to give him a blow job). It’s just something to be dealt with because there’s no other choice. Jackie holds onto Shauna the way she does because that relationship is the only relationship that she genuinely wants and is not tied to her role in society.

The biggest problem with this line of thinking, outside of the fact that it’s just sad, is it does indeed work under the assumption that Shauna feels the same societal pressure that Jackie does and is working under the same constraints. The thing is Shauna doesn’t feel even close to the way Jackie does. Shauna is desperate to get out of Wiskayok and make something of herself. She doesn’t feel the impending doom of becoming something she’s destined for, so she doesn’t feel the need to fall into playing the part she’ll become because she understands that she has free will (Her and Tai are the same in this way). However, it’s not like she’s healthy with this line of thinking either. This all manifests In hyper independents, and the need to grasp control over things in her life. That means shoving down her emotions and falling on anger and journaling things but not talking about it and fucking her best friends boyfriend so that she can take something back (what that “thing” is, is up to interpretation and I doubt that she even knows). Shauna is afraid to lose the sense of self that she has and is afraid to fall into expectation. I think it’s easy to assume that Shauna’s sense of self is so fragile because she “grew up under Jackie’s thumb,” but that’s forgetting that Shauna and Jackie are born from the same environment. That Shauna’s way of thinking is considered the more impractical of the two, and anyone who knows how small towns work really do know that a lot of people don’t escape and do really become their parents. Yes Shauna understands she has free will more than Jackie (not that that bar is very high), but also maybe she is afraid that everyone around her is right and she really can’t escape all the things she’s so desperate to. Who is she if she never escapes? What is she if she never makes anything of herself? Oh…look…the fear of failure. The smart kid is afraid that she isn’t worth anything if she isn’t good at everything, crazy. And that’s kind of where all of her disdain for Jackie really comes from (besides all the hyper independence and anger issues). Jackie doesn’t have a fear of failure because she doesn’t want to make anything of herself, and she’s so good at playing the role she has because she gives in to the point of not being a person in her own right. Shauna is so afraid of everything Jackie thinks is inevitable. Shauna hates it. Shauna hates Jackie for it because on some level Shauna wants what Jackie has. Shauna is just a teenage girl, and she understands very little about herself even if she’s convinced she has so much control over everything. She wants attention and notoriety and to be good at something and appreciated for it. She wants to be wanted. Which *wee woo* *wee woo* is where her own hyper independents bites her in the ass. Shauna is a character that wants to push things away while keeping things close, and all the different parts of herself are battling it out in a cage match. Which, I mean, yeah who isn’t complicated? It’s just Shauna doesn’t process any of this and instead shoves it down or scribbles it into her journals, or both.

And now one can probably see why these two characters are at odds with each other, and it’s not like they aren’t both being reasonable in their own right. Jackie who lives in expectation and just wants to carve a little bit of something out for herself, and Shauna who wants so desperately to be something and make something for herself and prove that she is capable.

Codependency and hyper independence beating each other up in a fight to the death.

[emthephantom]

Wednesday-T.N (Part 4 of No One Noticed)

Theo Nott x F!Reader Something happens with the boys and you're the only one who can help, will you be successful? Warnings: Some angst (tiniest bit) Words: 827 A/N: This is definitely an ooc Mattheo but it adds to the story, I hope you enjoy :) Series Masterlist

Wednesday classes were finally over and you were glad to retreat to your dorm. Your feet dragged all the way, your robes begging to be taken off. When you finally enter your dorm, you’re met with a small gift box on your bed. 

Suddenly your tired energy vanished as you rushed to open it. Inside was a note that read ‘thought you’d enjoy having some decorations in your room, meet at my dorm later, Theo x’ Your interest was piqued at the mention of a decoration, so you didn’t hesitate to open the tissue paper. Once revealed, you find a photo frame with a picture of you and the boys from yesterday. You were proudly wearing the crown while Mattheo and Enzo were laughing, and Theo- well he was looking at you, clearly enthralled with your wide grin. After staring at the picture for a few moments, you were drawn to the inscription at the bottom, ‘you are not alone.’ The simple sentence almost brings you to tears, how could someone care so much.  

You place the gift on your desk, making sure it was visible from all angles- it was nice to have the reassurance. Putting on fresh clothes, you make your way to the boys' dorm, knocking softly. 

A panicked Theo opens the door, pulling you inside, ‘Thank Godric you’re here, you need to help Mattheo.’ You match Theo’s energy immediately, worrying immensely about your friend.  

 ‘What’s wrong, is he okay?’ Theo leads you towards the bathroom door where you can hear muffled sobs. Your heart breaks as you recognise the feeling- you knew what was happening.  

‘Okay you go, I’ll try sort this,’ you softly say to Theo,’ take care of yourself too Theo, go get some food from the kitchens.’ He hadn’t noticed his grumbling stomach, his worries pushed away all his needs. He nods and turns away. 

You knock and slowly open the door. Mattheo is cradled against the bathtub, tears falling from his eyes. A similar state you were in just a few nights ago.  

‘Mattheo? It’s Y/N.’  

‘Don’t call me that,’ he sobs, 'Call me anything but that.’ 

You inch closer, sitting across from him, 'What do you want me to say?’ 

‘Anything that doesn’t remind me of my father. I’m just his monster.’ 

‘Matt, come on, you’re not a monster,’ you grab his hands, pulling them away from his eyes, ‘We can’t choose our family and you’re nothing like him.’ His tear-filled eyes look into yours, telling you a thousand stories. 

‘I heard them say I’d end up like him, worse if that’s possible. Can I ever be my own person, Y/N, if all everyone does is assume I’m like him?’ 

‘Of course you can. I don’t know you well but I know for certain you’re nothing like him.’ you take his hands in yours, speaking sincerely.   

He takes a deep shuddering breathe before speaking, ‘This is so stupid. It’s be hurting for a while but today, it just snapped. It’s hopeless I can’t talk to anyone about it.’ 

‘Hey don’t say that, it’s valid to be upset about something like this. You can always talk to me about it, I, uh,’ you stop, hesitance lacing your voice’ I understand how you feel. It’s a loneliness that no one can change so you feel like there’s nothing for you anymore, right?’ you look down, fidgeting with your fingers to avoid Mattheo’s gaze. 

Mattheo breathes out a sigh of content, ‘Yeah, exactly like that, I have Theo and Enzo but do I really have them? I mean I refused to let them help, it’s only a matter of time before they stop trying.’ 

‘You guys are best friends; they wouldn’t leave you like that. You just need to let them in, like you let me in.’ 

‘Theo said you’d understand so I decided to try.’ Mattheo whispers. 

‘You’re not alone Matt.’ you bring him to his feet, brushing his curls out of his face 

‘Same goes for you, Y/N, thank you.’ 

The two of you emerge from the bathroom and you lead Mattheo to his bed, sending him a look of encouragement. Theo and Enzo look at you like you’re a hero, wonder painting their faces. You join Theo in his bed, sitting crossed legged in front of him, ‘He’s going to be okay’ 

Theo’s blue eyes drop to your lips for a split second before he regains his composure. ‘Thank you, Y/N, we were getting really worried.’ Your eyes drift towards the other two, who are in a quiet conversation, Enzo nodding his head every so often and Mattheo slowly returning to his usual self. 

‘Third reason, you care about others before yourself.’ You feel Theo’s breath near your ear and turn to face him. The thought of kissing him flashes through your mind; instead, you grab his hand, your thumb tracing over knuckles.  

‘You know, I’m starting to look forward to these.’ you admit. 

‘That means they’re working.’ 

Taglist: @nottinmyheart @minhlajenni

[outer-edges]

i think we need to talk more about how in daredevil s2, karen is the first person to cross the line around frank's bed in the hospital room. that taped line is small, but it's everything. it's a physical representation of the line that separates the evil (frank) from the good (everyone else). it shows the way everyone separates frank from his emotions and his humanity, it’s the black and white morals everyone else is viewing the situation through, and the way everyone sees him as a monster because of what he's done, regardless of his reasons. everyone except karen. she doesn't care about crossing the line, even when matt is pulling her back.

this can also be read as the reason why karen and matt will never work. because karen is willing to cross that line in order to find the truth, which is where justice lies in her eyes. she doesn't hold herself, or anyone else, to the same exact moral standard matt does, and matt pulling her back is the reason they would have inevitably fallen apart even without the intervention of both frank and elektra. it's important to note that he is not "holding her back" by any means because for the most part they are on the same side and neither are necessarily one hundred percent right or wrong, but they are just fundamentally incompatible because of internal values and moral codes. matt will NEVER cross that line, but karen has and is willing to do it again.

it's also why her and frank are perfectly matched for each other in a way (though, they will never work out because of the thousand and one other circumstances holding them apart, but that's a completely different set of issues) because even though frank is in the wrong for killing all those people and karen doesn't agree with his methods, shit, she understands them. she's killed people, not for the same reasons at all, but she has. she's killed, and she's willing to go to any lengths to find truth and justice, and she knows that about herself. she sees those parts of herself - the parts she may not like that much - mirrored in frank.

[sid-the-sandwich]

Rewriting some of my least fav moments from Obey Me! (OG) Season 1

I was lying in bed, and I was just thinking about my fav and least fav moment from each season and how I would personally change them to make them better in my eyes. (I'll try as best to follow the plot, so it fits.)

This just contains 3 moments from the OG season 1.

there's going to be heavy spoilers below,

First change should be lesson 14, 15 and 16, honestly, I do like the 'Belphie attacking us' storyline, but I wasn't a fan of the time travel. I know why they did it; so, they could have Belphie say the line 'Hello there brothers' the way he does in the game but also have Belphie kill the MC. (I'm pretty sure Belphie’s character was built on this line [it says so in the early-stage references video])

So how would I change this? I would simply make both happen but in the same timeline. Belphie turns up and says his line then explaining how Lucifer locked him up, Beel gets angry and argues with Lucifer, this in turn makes the other 4 brothers (Mammon, Levi, Satan and Asmo) busy trying to diffuse the situation.

while this is happening, Belphie and MC stands to the side, where Belphie talks to MC just like how he does when we meet him before he kills us in lesson 16. MC can tell something is wrong just by the way of Belphie's voice and Belphie congratulates him on getting all 6 pacts; MC thinks, but realises they only got 5. after this Belphie chokes us for a few seconds until one of the brothers notice, making Lucifer and Beel stop fighting. it takes them a few moments to realise what is going on.

the brothers try to pry Belphie and MC away from each other but to no avail as even though Belphie is the youngest, he is decently strong and fuelled with festering rage for like thousands of years. lucifer is frozen in shock, which is different than he usually is.

During this, the MC has the visions of Lilith telling them it’s not their time yet and showing the flashback when they fall. MC in turn says Lilith’s name and mutters 'human' or 'Lilith human'. this makes Belphie tighten his grip saying not to say her name with their 'filthy mouth'.

But Lucifer realises what MC is trying to say and repeats saying, 'Lilith is, was human', this makes Belphie pause for the first time... his hand shakes; he refuses to accept it but Lucifer continues talking and explaining that night. This makes Belphie tear up and he drops MC rather harshly, Mammon catches MC and cradles them, crying and helping them breath.

Belphie turns to Lucifer and wraps his hands around his neck as if to strangle him... but he doesn't tighten his grip and his hands shake more; Belphie screams at Lucifer shouting insults at him, punching Lucifer in the stomach and chest in frustration. Lucifer doesn’t say anything how you'd expect and doesn’t scream but just holds/hugs Belphie after his breakdown, soothing him.

(NOTE: Diavolo and Barbatos aren’t present in this scene)

the second thing I want to change is after chapter 16, when the brothers surround MC, hugging them cuz they are part Lilith.

this is a simple change, this scene is going to take place in MC's bedroom, and the brothers are all doting on MC, not because they are part Lilith, but because they just got attacked and strangled. The brothers force MC to lay in bed so the brothers can attend to their (MC's) needs.

each brother will be doing something unique for MC:

Asmo would give MC a leg/ arm massage,

Beel will be feeding MC (and himself at the same time),

Satan would be reciting a bunch of spells for healing trying them all on MC,

Levi brings in a handheld console and a bunch of games, he also brings in a boxset of TSL,

Lucifer would tell MC they are allowed a singular day off RAD,

Mammon would tell everyone to leave MC alone, telling his brothers, they are getting too close.

meanwhile, standing in the corner awkwardly, Belphie stands there awkwardly, not really knowing what to do, he does feel regret but how does he even apologise to the human he almost killed?

then Diavolo and Barbatos comes to the MC's room for an unrelated reason, but seeing all the brothers surrounding MC, they get confused asking what happened.

Lucifer lies and just says MC wasn't feeling well and is resting. Diavolo sees Belphie and asks what Belphie is doing back from the human world (I'm assuming Dia thinks Belphie actually did go to the human world for the exchange program) and then Dia asks why Belphie isn’t joining his brothers with MC.

At this MC should be given a choice to 'defend' or passively aggressively reply, the 'defend' makes Belphie's intimacy go up. and the scene continues as normal.

The third thing I want to change is after this, is when Belphie latches onto MC (as if they were best buddies) and then uses the MC as a bridge between him and his brothers.

the way I would change this, is that I would make Belphie use his brothers as a bridge to apologise to MC, so the same things that happen in the game, happen, but the aim is to hang out with MC, for Belphie to show MC that he isn't all bad. this in turn also allows Belphie to get closer to his brothers as well. MC also notices Belphie passing quick glances at them in classes and stuff.

How Belphie uses the brothers to get closer to MC:

Mammon- Being MC's guardian, Mammon keeps MC close to him during RAD the days after the whole Belphie incident. after Lucifer announced Diavolo's birthday, Mammon drags MC to the music room, telling MC to keep a lookout as he looks for things to steal and turn a profit. MC spots Belphie, and MC tells Mammon. Belphie comes inside the room and accuses Mammon of trying to steal. Mammon disagrees in classic tsundere fashion becuz he can’t admit he wanted to get a gift for MC. Belphie suggests the 3 of them should get jobs so they can get Dia a gift. Mammon agrees becuz he wants money and MC can agree either enthusiastically or reluctantly (based on player choice). after this, the trio go and work at Hell's Kitchen and work their asses off, MC gets to see a calm and smart side to Belphie,

Levi- Levi and MC are hanging out in his room playing a videogame, until Levi's phone starts ringing uncontrollably. At first, he ignores it, but after like 5 rings, Levi answers despite being in the middle of a game; Levi is rightfully annoyed. Levi simply agrees on the phone becuz he's a people pleaser and then his expression becomes wary and panicked, MC can ask what’s wrong or just not mention anything, (depends on player choice) either way, Levi will tell the player that Belphie wants to play games with them and how it’s going to be awkward with all three of them here, considering what happened. Belphie turns up anyway, and bursts into Levi’s room to play a game, they play and although tense at first, everything is normal as the game progresses and the trio plays games and gets closer. Belphie falls asleep midgame, and his head is drooping. MC is given the choice of either placing Belphie’s head on the player’s lap or Levi’s lap (Placing on the players lap will up intimacy). Either way Levi will tell MC that Belphie is a lot like a little cat that loves naps.

Satan- This will happen a lot like it is in the game, except it is MC and Satan playing cards in MC's room. Belphie interrupts, saying how Lucifer was calling for Satan. Satan grumbles but goes without much resistance. this only leaves Belphie and MC alone in the room. its awkward silence so Belphie mentions how weird Satan is acting considering he just readily agreed with Lucifer. MC mentions about the changing relationship between Lucifer and Satan and what happened. After a while, Satan returns, stating he overheard everything and comments how he still loves to torment lucifer just to see him suffer. Belphie then suggests the 'Anti-Lucifer League', an idea he thought of in the attic. Satan and Belphie drag MC to the library where they officially initiate the club, making MC a member as per Satan's request. MC can see a playful side of Belphie from this.

Asmo- MC is with Solomon shopping for a gift for Diavolo, where they bump into Belphie. Belphie questions what they are doing and they state they were shopping. Belphie says he was with Asmo, but Asmo got distracted. Solomon, being the nosey man he is asks if Belphie has made a pact with MC yet, and then asks for one himself. Belphie refuses both questions. then the trio walk until they must split ways, Solomon says goodbye, leaving Belphie and MC alone to walk home. when they get back home, Asmo drags them into his room to choose clothes, the trio chat and giggle.

Beel- Beel's is going to stay the same as to what it is in-game, it’s a good contrast to the rest. it shows MC the love between Belphie and his brothers. Also its really cute and wholesome

Lucifer- Lucifer's is also going to stay the same, it gives Belphie closure with what happened to Lillith.

Also adding one thing i forgot earlier but had in the back of my mind; this is not really to do with the story chapters but rather the texts between Belphie and MC, I wanted to change this. Belphie would not text MC directly at first, instead, he would text the brothers (in order we hang with them in-game) asking them about MC. And only after Lucifer, Belphie will text us for the first time directly.

I'm finally done, this took hours to complete, pls comments what else you think should be changed in the game.

[usmsgutterson]

Hi! I’m back :] im here to request a platonic!crows x reader kind just want some hurt/comfort I’m feeling pretty bad atm and just don’t do well w asking for comfort?? So could I request a reader who’s just having a bad time,nothing super specific just like feeling Sad more than usual and like being a bit more distant/distracted? If your not up for writing this that’s perfectly fine too :] Have a nice day! -🍒Anon

Come Home- Platonic! crows x reader

Hi! This one is hitting really fuckin close to home right now but selfishly, I could use a good cry and I'm in the same boat as you, so we're all good!

I'm sorry you've not been feeling too great lately and I am sending you hugs and a mug of your preferred hot drink of choice! I also hope you feel better and am sending good vibes your way :)

Fic type- this is hurt/comfort but pretty heavy on the comforting!

Warnings- mentions and depictions of general sadness, mention of lack of sleep/trouble sleeping both generally and due to sadness, mentions of being unable to reach out to people in search of comfort or a place to vent, mentions of being distant (emotionally) and also isolating oneself, a 'there but not there' kind of sadness, mentions of retreating into your own thoughts/mind

The crows couldn't quite say who'd noticed it first amongst them. Nina was pretty sure they'd all noticed it around the same time, could remember the fact that it was a date in the middle of the Spring.

You'd spent a lot of time in your room in the Slat, not really talking to anyone, seemingly both content and somehow discontent in the idea of burrowing into your own thoughts, retreating into your own mind.

When you were with the others, you were distant. It was like you were there but not there all the same, responding to conversations and laughing occasionally, but Nina could see it.

She knew what it looked like to be wrapped up in ones own thoughts, and recognizing it within you was like seeing water in the middle of the ocean; it was about as obvious as the day was long.

Wylan and Jesper and Matthias picked up on that, too, then Inej and Kaz. They'd all picked up on it the same day, and were sitting at a U-shaped booth in the Crow Club to discuss it in the days after they'd noticed.

"They're not the type to ask for help," Matthias noted. "I think they'd rather struggle in silence most days then reach out and vent to someone."

"They don't directly ask to be comforted or seek out things that people would typically find comforting," Inej noted. "I don't think I've ever seen them hug someone or be hugged themselves. They handle their emotions internally, it seems."

"How do we comfort someone who does not want to be comforted?" Matthias asked. "How on earth are we meant to be subtle about it?"

"The rest of us can worry about that," Jesper said. "Matthias, Kaz, don't you worry a hair on your pretty little heads."

"Hugs and arms around shoulders aren't always how it's done," Kaz said. "There are a thousand other ways, Jesper. Comfort doesn't just have to be about physically touching someone."

"Nice gestures," Nina suggested. "I didn't think you had a nice bone in your body. I'm pleased to be wrong in that."

"Pleased to have been underestimated," Kaz said. "Matthias, you're not touch averse. We are not one and the same, so you'll just have to figure it out on your own."

Matthias scoffed, and Kaz spoke the word before he got the chance to whisper it.

"Demjin," Kaz said, taking delight in Matthias' scowl.

"All right," Wylan said. "Our plan is figured out. Find ways to subtly comfort the one of us who needs comforting and just hope they don't notice? How long do we keep that up?"

"Until they notice or they feel better," Nina said. "It's--it's whichever comes first. Stop asking questions. We'll work out the rest of the details as we go along."

Everyone nodded. Whatever qualms anyone else had about the plan went unsaid, and the world around the six of them settled with the knowledge that they were going to help you feel better, even if you never caught on.

If you never noticed, if you thought your mood was brightening naturally, if you never figured it out and never said the profuse thanks that Nina knew you would've, that would've been fine. It would've been great because you were fine again, and in the end, that was all any of them wanted.

-

"Brought you a coffee," Jesper said, passing you the to-go mug as he found you in the Slat. "Kaz and I were in the Harbor. Kaz needed a dose of caffeine and I figured you'd probably done without."

"It's seven and a half bells in the morning. You were on the Harbor to scout before we left, and Kaz found the time for a pit stop?"

"I did things more efficiently then he'd expected," Jesper said with a charming grin. "Had twenty kruge. Grabbed Wylan a tea, gave it to him by the Crow Club. We leave for Ravka in a quarter of an hour, and it'll take us that time to get from here to Inejs berth. Your things are on her boat?"

"Matthias helped me take my things to the boat after Nina had the gall to wake me at five bells and then bribe me with waffles. I felt like a bunny with a carrot being dangled over its head."

Jesper noticed, though, that you were smiling.

"Thank you for the coffee," you said. "Saints, was the sleepy time tea a mistake. Do you know if Kaz has any jurda on him?"

"You've been having trouble sleeping?" Jesper asked. "I mean--he's finnicky with his coffee and the grounds he imports are delayed by two weeks, so he does. He's been keeping an eye on the shipments because the idiot would rather chew his way through a mile and a half of jurda before he listened to his bodys calling for sleep."

"As for the trouble sleeping--yes. It's been a rough few weeks and my sleeping has been impacted a bit. Didn't get much before, but now it's worse. Sleepy time tea has made me sluggish even though I've been awake for two and a half hours now. The box did say that was a risk, though," you said. "As for the jurda, I'm in desperate need."

"Lucky for you, I miscalculated the amount coming in our last shipment. I've been selling it at the Crow Club to keep the pigeons at the tables longer but we've still got a surplus," Kaz said, passing you a small black velvet pouch with jurda inside.

"How long on the boat?" Jesper asked.

"A week and a half, but the boat we've got is slower then the Ferolind, so it might take as long as it took to get to Fjerda."

"Good thing I thought to get books for the trip then," you said, smile prickling the edges of your lips when you noticed Jespers expression of terror. "Wylans bringing his flute, Jes. You'll be fine."

You took a sip of your coffee as Jesper gave a shake of his head.

"You say that I'll be fine, but you'll see. At the end of our first week, I'll be begging Wylan to play something slow so that I'll fall asleep and you can toss me overboard and have me drown in peace."

"You'll manage," Kaz cut in. "You managed the first time around, didn't you?"

"Just barely," Jesper said exasperatedly. The three of you left the Slat, Wylan joining you as he walked out of the Crow Club.

You took another sip of your coffee, sighed as the contentment you'd missed creeped back in just a bit. Things had been terrible for weeks, a general feeling of sadness having wormed its way into your heart and left you feeling like a shell of the person you were. That was the first decent--albeit early--morning you'd had in what felt like forever.

-

Nina and Matthias were sitting on one end of the ship, you and Inej sat together on the other, in the elevated area that was reserved for the captain to keep watch of the boat and manage the wheel.

The only sound to disturb you was the waves, and it didn't disturb you at all as you leaned back in your chair and continued on with your fifth book in a week. It was a book you'd not particularly enjoyed, and a last minute grab. It was a book of sonnets that you'd grabbed on the off chance you'd be in a sonnet-y mood, and thus far, it seemed you were not.

Wylan had begun to play the flute from somewhere near the center of the ship, and as you heard it, you smiled. You looked away from your book for a moment, glancing at Wylan as you closed it, having given up.

Nina couldn't blame you for that as she noticed it, though. It grew boring to read sonnets about the love someone felt for one singular person after you'd read two of them. She had not a single clue as to how you'd managed to read fifty.

You settled simply to observe the world around you instead of reading, thumb idly tapping along to the beat of Wylans tune against the surface of the hardcover book you had in your lap.

She looked at your eyes. She knew what it looked like when a person was distant and she knew what it looked like when, albeit slowly, that person was coming back to the rest of the world.

Come on back, Y/N, she thought. We've missed you. Come back to us.

She caught your grin, caught Jesper rushing up the steps to the captains watching port. She saw him reach for your hand and grab Inejs as well. Wylan started playing a dancing song and everyone on the ship was all smiles.

Even the crew was looking giddy, though their expressions only brightened when Inej signaled for them to take a break for a dance or two.

Hell, even Nina was smiling, having only realized it when she looked at Matthias and saw he was grinning as he squeezed her hand and pulled her up, their laughter coming up naturally as they rushed toward you and Inej and Jesper.

Someone--probably Specht, as he'd unearthed a talent for it in the weeks before--was playing a violin to go along with Wylans flute. You were beaming, and Nina was beaming, and Inej and Matthias and Jesper were all smiles.

Nina caught your gaze. Just a bit more, Y/N, she thought. Come home.

You were laughing as you turned and caught sight of it, Kaz standing to Wylans left, face only slightly turned to the waves so that nobody would see his grin.

You met Ninas gaze, wiped away a tear as she gave a joyous holler.

"Yes!" she shouted. "Yes!"

"Why are you acting like someone has thrown millions of kruge on the deck?" Jesper asked.

They're home, Nina thought. The distant look in their eyes is gone. Maybe not forever, maybe just for now, but it's good enough for me.

"I'm just so happy," she said. "Oh, I love moments like these. I love them with my whole heart. They remind me of home, of dancing with classmates by the tea samovars the minute we heard music."

Inej was hugging you as tightly as she could. "Better?" she asked. "Jesper mentioned it's been a rough time."

"Better than I was, yeah," you said. Inej pulled away and the music dulled, the moment becoming somber.

Wylan joined up, as did Kaz, and you were faced by the six people you loved the most in the entirety of the world. All of them had been trying to comfort you in the two weeks before you'd boarded the boat and in the week since you had. They'd been trying to go for subtility, but you'd noticed, and you appreciated it relentlessly.

"Thank you guys," you said. "For all of it."

"You noticed?" Matthias asked.

"You laughed at my jokes, Matthias. Nina, you offered me your toffees several times. You've never done that before. Kaz has brought me books and given me jurda and let me refuse on jobs wherein I was necessary. He's said that he would find someone else if I couldn't do it and he's said it in a way that wasn't malicious. He's told me a number of times that he understands what it is to be in pain, though he admits his is a different kind. He's given me several passes when the pain was most unbearable," you said.

"Inej has let me exist in the silence and not say a damn thing, she's swayed with me to the music we hear while wandering about in the mostly empty bodegas and boutiques. Wylan has willingly played the flute and the pianoforte around even people he does not feel secure because it might just have made me smile, he's tried to get me laugh so many times in the past month that I have entirely lost count."

"Jesper, you brought me coffee and leant me your Ketterdam uni jumper. You joke more than Wylan does, and your reassurances were near constant. I know you probably didn't want me to notice, but I did. Thank you."

Everyone--excluding Kaz, of course--pulled you into a hug. Nina was more relieved then not that you'd noticed, relieved that you were feeling better than you had three weeks before. She was happy you were okay, happy that you were smiling and that you were going to be okay eventually, even if it took time to get there.

Everyone pulled away eventually, and you gave Kaz a nod. You received a nod in return and knew that it was enough.

Being with your friends on a boat on the way to a job was enough, certainly.

[httpseungmxn]

Sweet Siren 

Yang Jeongi x Reader(afab)

🍰🍬 - fluffy and suggestive;)

Authors note: My first I.N fic and I was absolutely terrified while making it because I didn't want to portray him wrong. However if he does seem a little oc, I apologize in advance and I'll get better🫡 I also want to warn that I've never been to a fanmeet before so I'm just sort of going off of what I've been told and what I've seen online.

I hope you enjoy!

Warnings: reader is referred to as “Princess”, slight grinding and very little making out, intercourse implied at the end

Triggers: N/A

A fanmeet. That's what this was called apparently. Your friend had been talking about it for months now. She had won two tickets in a raffle but none of her other friends agreed to go, you were the only one who said yes.

You adored your friend, she had been there for you many times when you needed her, and had helped pick you help when you hit rock bottom.

The least you could do is go to a fanmeet with her for one of those hundreds of kpop groups she adored. There was no doubt nothing could go wrong with this. Right….?

You knew the name of the group and the name of the members from the thousands of times she had told you. Driving it into your head so you wouldn't forget when you had conversations about them.

The members were attractive, and as far as you knew they had some pretty good songs. Nothing that truly caught your eye. You were more of a kpop pirate-group kinda gal. That's right. You knew kpop. Very few, but you knew a few groups. Ateez was top of your list though. 

The line wasn't going very long so the waiting was boring, but seeing the smile on your friends face was making it worth it. She had never been this happy about anything before, as far as you had seen.

You had gotten so wrapped up in your thoughts that you didn't realize it was your duos turn. The squeal-like noise your friend let out almost made you crack up from how out of place it sounded.

Watching her walk on up to the first member, he had faded salmon-y pink hair and beautiful sharp cat-like eyes. She spoke about this one often. What was his name? Oh right. Hyunjin.

You didn't think meeting with each member would go so quickly but before you knew it you were sitting down in front of the last one, the youngest one. His name was Jeongin, but everyone called him I.N 

Out of all the members she had spoken about over the years, he was your favorite. It wasn't just about his looks though. He was very talented and at such a young age he became part of one of the biggest kpop boy groups.

His voice when he spoke was so different from his singing voice. When he sang, he sounded like a siren pulling you in slowly to take you away to the depths of the ocean. When he spoke, he made you want to reach out and squish his cheeks.

This boy was absolutely adorable. From his fluffy dark hair, to his smile that reminded you of a precious angel who left earth too soon, to his biceps that were sprinkled with body glitter, then to his- wait. Biceps.

You hadn't realized before in his photos or videos, but boy was he packing some muscle. Eyes lingering on his arms for a moment too long, his voice pulling you from your trance.

“ hiii, whats your name? ”

Looking up to him, mouth slightly open for a moment before speaking up and answering his question.

“ that's a beautiful name. have you got anything for me to sign? ”

Nodding slowly you passed him the album and hoodie you had bought just earlier at a table selling merch. Watching him right out his signature.

“ you're beautiful. ”, the words tumbled out of your mouth too quickly, you hadn't realized what you were saying until you had said it. A hot blaze of blush settling across your cheeks.

“ oh really? ”, a smirk adoring his lips as he asked you. Watching you nod slowly before he leant closer to you.

“ you're very beautiful as well. ”, a wink. Something that caused you an internal panic attack because he was just so close to you. If you had leaned forward, you were sure your lips would touch his. Staring into his eyes nervously.

Letting out an almost shaky breath of relief when he finally pulled back and passed you your things. Giving you another bright smile and a small hug as he said bye.

“ it was very nice to meet you, princess. ”, nodding shyly, you stood from your seat and walked on over to your friend rather quickly. Your heart was beating fast and you could swear you felt his eyes still on your body as you walked away.

When you both had made your way to a sort of rest stop area, you heard a loud voice booming in the room you had just left. The voice was mentioning something about the group taking a short break before they'd be back.

You were waiting outside the bathroom waiting for your friend, telling a security guard that you were waiting on someone when he tried to lead you away with a group of other fans. Not understanding why he was doing so until you saw the idols pass by to go to the rest room as well.

All but one. One of the idols wasn't following the rest of the group into the bathroom. The youngest. Stood in front of you staring you down. That damn smirk on his lips again as he stared deep into your eyes.

Within just seconds you were pressed up against the locked door of the bathroom your best friend was in. A gasp escaping your lips as you stared up at him. How had you gotten yourself into a position like this?

At first you thought maybe you had accidentally fainted. When you felt his lips pressed against yours though, you knew you were awake and well.

Well? You wouldn't quite call it that anymore because when his tongue prodded against your lips, your heart almost stopped.

Arms coming up to wrap around his neck, you pressed closer to him. Your lips molding together just right, almost as if you were made for him. He tasted faintly like coconut or maybe vanilla lip balm and smelled of….matcha?

That's right. You had seen him drinking a matcha latte before the fanmeet had officially started. He had good taste in drinks. Matcha lattes were a classic.

Letting out a soft gasp into the kiss when you felt his knee slot between your legs. Feeling his bulge press gently against your thigh. Unable to resist the urge and grinding in sync with him slowly.

Breathing slightly labored from the intense feeling and his lips constantly pressed against yours. You could get used to this forever. You knew you wouldn't be able to though, so you held onto it for now. 

When your friend suddenly unlocked the door your “attacker” pulled from you. Slipping something into your hand and winking at you before he finally entered the bathroom his friends had went into. Leaving you feeling fuzzy inside. Your lips slightly swollen from the kiss-attack. 

Slipping the paper into your pocket and giving your friend a smile as she walked out. Following her along to the exit of the building. Glancing back at the hall where you had just made out with the idol.

Once in the car, you made sure your friend was unable to see what you were doing because you knew it would be all over if she saw the note. Reading over it with a blush fanning back over your cheeks and all the way up to your ears.

    “ xxx-xxx-xxx ♡

      I'll be waiting for your call tonight. 

                         — xoxo, Jeongin. ”

Would you call him? Would you run the risk of a scandal coming out? Would you be a idols possible fwb?

Of course you were going to call him. You'd be stupid not to.

—

Authors ending note; What do you think? Was it good? Was it bad? Do you want more? Let me know in the comments! 🫶