#HOPEFULLY IM NOT SEEN AS TOO WEIRD FOR MY 2 AM POSTING.......
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oh-gh0st · 1 year ago
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…OH YEAH and yellow. but in a way of ur mystery posting ur inner thoughts of the green one that disappears in the morning. where did it go…hmmm….
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LKNMFDXG I LOVE THIS..... ermmm they vanished. simple as that ! (smiling nervously)
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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councilblr-voting-rights · 2 years ago
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No1 Councilblr Weirdo Bracket (BEHIND THE SCENES)
First things first, I should note that ALL NOMINEES were included in the bracket. I only excluded TWO users for not having obvious ties to Councilblr. And when I spotted "the whole t4tnavyseal hivemind" I thought it would be funny, FOR THE BIT, to let in every hivemind member I could track down and include them in the bracket (which does mean there were contestants with no nominations).
This lead to a strange number of contestants, so I myself nominated rumiracle-whip and rubysparx to help even it out (one of them is an understated weirdo and both of them are fans of Exandroth so I call that immediately weirdo-worthy).
With a full list of contestants I got to work on the bracket. Users colestyle and burning-sol got separated to help with the odd number of contestants and to avoid any large sweeps. The regular nominees and the hivemind were separated with two exceptions, who I picked just based on *shrugs*. Users with a higher number of nominations I attempted to spread out and everyone else was randomised. I also made some other personal choices for the hell of it. Basically, it was a system of executive choices and also just a luck of the draw.
That's about everything I have to say on the behind the scenes. Since I have experience now, hopefully the next bracket will be easier to run.
Anyways, here are ALL the responses (aside from a few ommissions). CONTENT WARNING: many of these nominations were certified NOT WEIRD and dare I say NORMAL <- next time I will NOT be nice and NOT include everyone because you all cannot be trusted.
21 - colestyle
"i mean. cmon. the gillion eggs post." "i think the gillion lays eggs post is a good reason" "Have you seen his blog???" "are you kidding me" "you know why" "egg post 💀" "do I even have to explain this one" "do you really need to ask that" "funny guy. something deeply wrong with him. fussy. eggs. etc etc etc. need I say more" "eggs" "yeah" "do you even have to ask" "gillion egg webweave" "do i need to?" "self explanatory <3" "eggposting." "obviously" "Fussy, titstrider Tuesday, that gillion egg post" "very strange and off putting" "have you seen !!!!"
8 - burning-sol
"The Everything /affectionate" "Eldritchstrings and general exandroth posting" "i mean ‘weirdo’ in such a kind and positive way here because but i think if the council were to be exposed to his blog they would take some kind of psychic damage from the pinned post alone" "Many reasons, including being the person that started the Morse hivemind clicks" "just look at them" "Because they're my friend, and we can't all possibly nominate Lukas Colestyle" "excessive exandroth and eldritchstrings posting (/pos)"
5 - misty-lilies
"niklaus simp" "they want to get destroyed in a poll" "niklaus apologist 100 emoji" "accidentally started the t4t navyseal hivemind" "my favourite moot who makes banger charcter analysis posts and also is a simp for niklaus hendrix"
5 - navysealt4t
"^_^ get freaky wit it!! am a lil navyseal lover <3" "navyseal and t4t, they are cool and my mutual <3" "1 out of the 2 og t4tnavysealers…." "Them and t4tnavyseal started the t4t navyseal hivemind" "he literally WROTE an entire song for jay based on the idea of a musical. also she's my favorite mutual. so. i must be biased"
4 - willotstreet
"absolute killer.Murderer. SOMEHOW being able to rolan deep post so much im astounded. Thumbs up" "crazy insane rolan deep guy /pos" "honest;y whatever that guys got going on is infinitely funnier than anything else. i log onto this webbed site, watch ren post about their breakdown, then watch them post about how rolan deep is their wife."
3 - jadejemdoesstuff
"Scrimbles" "Hits post limit Way too frequently to be normal" "scrunkly"
3 - nickyclose
"First of all,had the SCUcondi username which was iconic,they are the ceo of Ashe winters and are my friend :}" "SAYS SO MUCH IN THEIR POSTS.SO MANY IDEAS. SOMEHOW. never runs out. Freak behavior. IDEAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! slash pos" "constantly brainrotting about npcs"
3 - spacedustmantis
"they r cool and understand gillion tidestrider" "really into plays that's kinda not normal right" "eel boy tidestrider"
2 - sp4rk-p1ug
"if he doesnt get in im blowing this whole fucking website up and deleting the cringe comp and the councilblr discord server and my blog" "i’m colestyles boyfriend"
2 - the-albatross-sails
"british representation" "called old man earl a top, british, just look at my pfp and that's all the evidence you need"
2 - dracolunae / pretzel-the-frogtopus
"No one can run that many update blogs and be considered an average blog /aff" "Beasty beastly beast best beast ORANGE Also they run like all of the update accounts All of them"
2 - alkalineleak
"1. i watched hymn liveblog making the undersea headcanon doc on discord 2. beloved jrwi riptide mutual" "big naturals"
1 - fiveminuterice
"omegaverse post"
1 - atlix2
"he's gotten a litle too silly"
1 - unwitnessprotection
"sorry for shipping william wisp and william wight. ok. sorry. god itd be so funny though. sorry also for contemplating shipping william with the wisp illusion of him. i havent gone to confession in years i could keep going"
1 - xaeyrnofnbe
"I think they are very nice :)"
1 - twinkfromconvergence / maybewren
"im their friend an i think it would be funny"
1 - viewfinder-chernobyl
"They wanted to be nominated"
1 - t4tnavyseal
"they have a cool blog :3"
1 - grrsalot
"freak (aff)"
1 - tragicfaggots
"they are silly :3"
1 - thanatosyaoi
"technically this is discord interactions based rather than blog based but. uhhh. yknow lets just go with “you had to be there” i dont need to disclose what happens in boo’s insane room"
1 - apple-the-bluebird
"You said we could nominate ourselves. Also. The year of the yaoi thing and having multiple posts on the cringe comp"
1 - chaos-caverns
"rand"
1 - seraphex
"Vibes"
1 - verdellium
"as a good friend of rosemarys heres my list on why she is weird and insane: - sent me a video of her doing an "autism jig" (intense stimming) over gillions i hate you speech - sent me a video of wym crying at 1 am over the bitb finale. unnerving and weird to wake up to at 6 am and see that video. - has a 1000 word note in her notes app about how one of his pieces in band perfectly fits albatrio. refuses to share it with me. - wrote like. 200 words to his mutual about band and jrwi. - in her drafts, there is a post that says "gillion is an exmormon. i said it." i dont know where this came from.
1 - tranny-tidestriders
"they reblogged the charlie twerking GIF about 15 times in a row. and he has autistic tboy swag"
1 - enderspawn 1 - fragilecqpricorn 1 - goatmanwithstrawberrytea 1 - asteraeliana 1 - everwizard
Someone simply submitted "ohmigoshiloveyou" and nothing else. The user "firefox-official" was nominated with the note "must i explain" but I couldn't find any obvious ties to Councilblr so I didn't include them, "sadmushroomgoblin" was nominated with no comment and excluded for the same reason.
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incorrect-ace · 6 years ago
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Not a qoute
#derpy#hello everyone long time no babble-y rant posts about nothingness hahahahah ^^#so a little heads up about the giveaway: 2 drawings r finished...the spoiler is that one is chan and one is donghun! but instead of doing...#...doing the third one and getting it over with. i sketched 5 new ones!!! so hopefully that makes 8 drawings. and considering only 19 people#...replied with art during the 24h deadline. it means that 42% of yall r actually winning. im hopig to actually be able to do all 8!!! hehe#but yeeesh! the ramble today has already been written on my main blog but im saying it again bcz i find it funny.#so for those who dont know me. i am pretty much chan in person. im overhyped. loud. giggly and a social butterfly! i also am a med student#and i work as a teacher! so as i was working as a teacher last week in a hs (mind u some of the students were older than me).#i legit went to this class when this dude was like -i know you. i have seen you before in this and this place-#so im lookin at him quizzically and being like -yknow its super weird to remember stranger's face...u dont know me until today right?-#and he keeps insisting that he remembers seeing me just out there yknow. no interactions#so im like -did i...like do something weird?-. bcz thats the only conclusion? and i knew asking this as a teacger is bad bcz impressions...#....gives respect. and if u give them kids a too relaxed impression they will not study but play around so jts a balanc3#but luckily enough he says no. he just thought i looked very unique and remember me????#and im lowkey relieved that i didnt embarrass myself publicly in his presence lmao...but at the same panicing bcz this is like a possible#...stalker. so i just look at his friend next to him pleading. as in -saveee meeee-#so his friend straight up hits his shoulder and tells him to stop being creepy towards the miss#...hahahah#this would be funny if jt was the first time. but in my university too. everytime i introduce myself to someone ive just met#they literally say --.#and im like...okay...but how do u want me to reply to that. bitch at least act clueless now ill have to laugh it off awkwardly#eitherway...im eithet a public embarrassment or a walking super model#or both#also plz strangers let me be heheheheh#thihihi#eitherway we hit 1024 followers#which is 2^10!!! which is funny. next up is 2^11 which is 2048#lets gooooo#i love yall ♡#this got deleted. but what my fellow university kids tell me is: Yes i know who u r. hehe
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gb-patch · 3 years ago
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Ask Answers: July 10th
I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!
Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.
For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?
There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.
Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0
The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.
Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.
I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.
Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!
Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!
idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately
Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.
Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 
Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.
I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 
I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!
I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 
Thank you for reporting ^^
I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 
There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!
hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 
I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.
Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 
This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.
HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 
Thank you for getting it!
Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩
Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.
Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 
Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.
Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 
Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart
Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 
Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.
Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?
No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.
Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 
You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!
Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 
I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.
is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 
A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.
I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 
If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.
Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 
It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.
I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)
L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!
I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.
Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?
I understand if it's too complicated, just curious
Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.
playing our life > anything else 
Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.
Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 
Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.
Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 
Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!
Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 
No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.
Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 
They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.
I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 
Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.
Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 
Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.
Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 
It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.
In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 
Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.
I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 
It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.
I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 
Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.
hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 
I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!
Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 
OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.
I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 
I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.
As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?
They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!
Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.
Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?
You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.
Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 
No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.
Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 
Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.
Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 
He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.
Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 
Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.
hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.
sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.
Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.
I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<
Yes you can!
what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 
That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.
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xcherry-popx · 4 years ago
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if its not too weird to ask, could you write some posts abt rad + asd (either one or both/abt comorbidity)? cuz i wanna find more info abt them & i saw stuff saying asd/rad cmrbidity was impossible too & think i may have both. i have zero access to mental health help atm and will for a pretty long time so im just doing what i can as i wait, document my symptoms and stuff and try to cope, for now. (btw im saying this 2 clarify tht im not trying to be invasive or out of curiosty. sry its so long)
It's no problem! Honestly, I'm excited to hear about someone like me, with how uncommon it is. No need to worry about it being long, because my answer ended up long as well ^-^;;
I wrote this quicker than I expected, so please forgive any mistakes, and feel free to ask for clarification. 
I’m mostly going to use the term ‘RAD’ (reactive attachment disorder), but a lot of this information applies to DAD (disinhibited attachment disorder) as well. I was diagnosed when they were still grouped together as RAD.
If any information does not apply to both, I’ll specify the differences between them.
First off: there is no reason autism and RAD can’t be comorbid. Now, most psychologist insist that they cannot exist together, but this is outdated. Unfortunatly, because RAD is so uncommon, very little discussion occurs, and thus any progress in understanding the disorder takes a bit of time.
Fortunately, some discussion has begun. This study is one from 2017. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27895198/
As of now, it’s the only scholarly discussion, but hopefully that will change in time.
Essentially, autism is something you’re born with, while Reactive Attachment Disorder is the result of severe neglect or mistreatment.
The study found that several children diagnosed with RAD met the criteria for autism. The difference in children with autism and RAD vs children with only RAD can be distinguished by focusing on traits specific to autism.
That’s actually how I first suspected I had both: I looked through several diagnosis lists and checked whether I had symptoms exclusive to each list.
One of the current diagnostic criteria for RAD  and DAD is that the child cannot also be diagnosed with autism. This is because RAD, and later, DAD, were often used to explain ‘autistic-like behavior’ in children who either did not show signs of autism early on, or who experienced severe mistreatment.
The main reason this is outdated is because it relies on the belief that autistic individuals do not form attachments to caregivers, which many autistic people will tell you is false. That all relates back to the idea that because autistic people show affection differently, they do not feel it the way allistic people do, which is, again, false.
It’s often difficult to get an RAD diagnosis, much less one along with an autism diagnosis. However, it’s not impossible, although for me it involved two different diagnosises that my grandma and I realized made most sense together.
Under the cut, I’m going to talk more generally about RAD and DAD as well as about my experiences.
 You said you don't have much access to mental health help, but I felt I should include this next segment anyways. 
Attachment therapy, one of the most well-known treatments, is harmful. I would suggest avoiding it. It goes against attachment theory, the basis of RAD. I don’t say this to scare you, but it is coercive and has resulted in death in some cases. You can look into it yourself, but it is rather sickening for me, so please take care if you do so.
While most advice involves making sure the child has an emotionally available ‘attachment figure’, usually a caretaker, that assumes you would want someone to connect to that way.
As someone with inhibited type RAD, I always struggled when people asked if I wanted to be closer to my grandma. To me, we were like strangers, maybe coworkers. I didn't want to open up to her, and so I still don’t.
I believe that, while it’s nice to have a friendly relationship with caretakers, it’s not necessary. For me, it’s always been more important to have friends I can open up to.
Don’t feel pressured to form an emotionally intimate relationship if you don’t want to or feel ready for it. I still don’t think I’m close to my grandma, but we feel like acquaintances now, and that’s enough for me. You don’t have to force a relationship, but don’t be afraid if you want to start one.
Of course, you may have different experiences, or be in a different place with your caretakers, but since I've struggled with that aspect I wanted to talk about it.
Most treatment for RAD is under the assumption that the child is young, which I assume you are not. In general, I suggest finding people you can trust, if you don’t have them already. I don’t want to make too many assumptions here, so if you want more specific advice feel free to ask me.
While RAD is the result of mistreatment such as abuse or neglect, it’s rare even among those who have experienced such things. There’s some debate on why it occurs, and I believe many theories suggest disposition can make one susceptible? But I’m not entirely certain on that front. Also, I’d like to clarify one thing. While most criteria says the mistreatment must begun before age five, it’s not necessary. What happened to me was when I was 11, and it changed me enough that I gained a official diagnosis of RAD a few years later. What matters is how it affected you, not when it occurred.
Now, I’ve mentioned there’s a difference between RAD and DAD, but I haven’t specified what it is. I'll explain that, but to do so I need to talk about how they form.
The basis of RAD and DAD is what’s called attachment theory. This states that young children need strong bond with at least one caregiver to develop. The bonds with their caregivers dictate how their attachment style forms. However, RAD and DAD have their own types of attachment, referred to as inhibited attachment and disinhibited attachment.
They used to both be classified as RAD, separated under the categories ��inhibited type’ and ‘disinhibited type’.
Many people with inhibited or disinhibited type will show signs of both, but can usually be classified as one or the other. I am inhibited type, but when I was younger I showed signs of disinhibited type in places such as school.
Inhibited attachment is what’s known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. It’s more common in mistreated children. This type is when a child avoids or ignores caregivers, often not showing affection unless convinced to.
Disinhibted attachment is what’s now known as Disinhibited Attachment Disorder. This is more common in children in institutions or group homes. This type shows affection to any and all adults. They are quick to trust strangers. When my grandma worked in foster care, she had some children who, after less than a day of meeting her, would cling to her leg and beg her to take them home.
In this case, inhibited types struggle to form attachments, while disinhibited types will form attachments quickly and easily, with no preference towards their caregivers.
I think that’s all for official information, so I'll talk a bit about my experiences with RAD.
Honestly, it’s isolating. It’s often seen as something that happens to children, and no one talked about adults with it. There’s numerous psychologists who’ll misdiagnose it in foster teens for not showing affection to adoptive parents ‘the way theyʻre supposed to’. Many people treat people with RAD or DAD as ‘psychopaths’, and there’s numerous times I’ve seen it listed as ‘terrifying’, even among the social workers that meet kids with it.
It's discouraging. But I want to tell you that you aren’t alone. I’d be happy to talk to you about your experiences, and share my own. I have hope that people will begin to recognize this disorder despite how uncommon it is, and see it for what it is.
In any case, I hope you are able to find the diagnosis you need, even if it doesn’t turn out to be this one. I wish you the best of luck!
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tellatennie · 4 years ago
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Bakugou x Soulmate!Reader
Hi! This is my first Tumblr post! Not my first time writing but it wont be as awesome as everyone else on Tumblr but I hope you like it! Im still figuring some mechanics of Tumblr out first so let me know if I mess any technical stuff up :)
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SOULMATE AU: Reflecting in the mirrors is the appearance of your soulmate 
(Y/N): age thirteen
”mommmm can you come here for a minute?” I call out of the open bathroom door. I’m freaking out. I looked in the mirror one second and it was fine then the next moment it’s reflecting a boy with spiky ash colored hair and not me. 
“Yes sweetheart?” My mom said walking next to me. “Who's....that” I say; pointing at the mirror. She smiles at me.
”Is it not you?” I shake my head. “Then that’s your soulmate” I look up at her. “My... soul..mate?”  She crouches down to meet my very short height. 
“You see, everyone has someone that’s perfect for them. Someone that you can be best friends with and hopefully marry” She stands up and looks in the mirror. “Everyone that has a soulmate sees that person in the mirror instead of themselves. I see your father, and your father sees me.” I make an o shaped mouth and nod. 
“So my soulmate sees me in their mirror?” I ask. She nods. I glance back to the mirror and leave the bathroom. 
Meanwhile, about a 30 minute drive away (No POV) 
”What the HELL” A young boy yells. 
“Language!” His mom screams. “WHY THE HELL IS THERE A PERSON IN MY MIRROR” He heard his mom stomp up the stairs. “What are you blabbering about?” She glared at him from the doorway. 
“There’s a fucking person in the mirror” He deadpans to his mother. She squeals and runs over and hugs him. “Wha- GET OFF ME YOU OLD HAG” She smiles at him and smacks him upside the head. “That’s your soulmate!”
”..my whAT?” She explains to him the details of having a soulmate without yelling more than 3 times. (Sorry, I'm lazy) The boy somewhat glares at the mirror as his mom leaves.
”Stupid fuckin system makin that extra my “soulmate”” he mumbles to himself while walking away.
BRRRINNGGG BRRRINNGG (Your POV)
I groan and hit my alarm clock. Today was the first day of school at U.A and I did not want to get out of bed. I slumped the top of my body and slowly slid off my bed onto the floor (we have all done that) I get dressed into my uniform and walk into my bathroom. I stare at the ‘reflection’ of the once young boy that turned into a handsome young man that you call your soulmate. I figured he was about the same age as me but I could always be wrong. My mom has to do my hair every morning due to me not being able to see myself anymore other than pictures. 
After she did my hair I bid her farewell and walk out the door, excited for what the first day of school will bring.
I stare at the somewhat H shaped building. My jacket hood pulled over my head, I walk into the school and search for my classroom. I made a few friends during the entrance exam, like Kirishima, Mina, and Ochaco. So at least I knew I would have friends.
I walk into my designated classroom and immediately get tackled by Mina. 
“(Y/N)!” I let out a laugh and pat her back to get off me.
”Hey Mina, can’t breathe” She got off of me and backed up whilst I stood up. I eye around the room and spot the people I saw at the exams. My gaze falls on a blonde guy sitting with Kirishima and a yellow haired boy. I remove my gaze and look for my seat but Im FrEaKiN oUt DuDeS. 
Oh right next to him that’s great 
Why am I freaking out? You probably guessed (*cough* since this is a cheesy oneshot*) . It’s the same exact boy I have seen in my mirror for the past 2 and a half years. I sit down at my seat and try not to look too much in that direction. Hoping the crimson eyes I constantly had stared into, didn’t land on me. 
“Oh! Hey (Y/N)! Nice to see you got in this class too!” 
God damn it Kirishima
I turn my head to him and smile “Hey Eijiro! Nice to see you too” He stands from his sitting position off the desk. 
“This is Denki Kaminari” He pointed at the yellow haired boy “And this is Katsuki Bakugou” He leaned in slightly and whispered “Be careful around him, he’s a hot head” The blonde boy shot up. 
“WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SAY SHITTY HAIR?” The boy glanced at me and then back to Kirishima. I see him do a double-take at me and blink slightly. He quickly regains his *terrible* posture and crosses his arms and glares daggers at Kirishima.
"This is (Y/N) (L/N) by the way" He added, acting like he didn't just get screamed at. I smile slightly and wave. I feel someone hug me from behind and put their hands over my eyes. "Guess who" a very high and obviously fake voice came from behind me. I think for a second; the only person I know that would need to make their voice higher other than Kirishima would be....
"zuku!" He huffs and removes his hands and I turn around to stand up and hug him. Me and Izuku have known each other for a while, my dad is his moms brother, making us cousins. So him and I would hang out often. Just as I was about to start a conversation with him our teacher Aizawa appeared from practically nowhere and told us to take our seats.
I got a weird feeling that someone was watching me about halfway through the lesson, figuring it to be Izuku I glance at him only to find his head stuck in his notebook writing down what Aizawa said. I looked around the classroom before giving up and looking down at my desk. I still feel watched and out of the corner of my eye I see Katsuki Bakugou staring directly at me. I make eye contact with him and hold it for about 3 seconds before snapping my eyes to my notes. I see him move his head to his notebook to start writing his notes.
When class lets out for the day I organize and pack all my things together in my bag and stand up to leave when I notice a note on my desk; neatly folded into quarters. I look around the classroom and just now notice I'm the only person left in the room. I pick up the note and open it, reading it out loud. 
"Meet me at the (Random Park Name: R/P/N) at five" I glanced at the clock that reads 3:45. Giving me plenty of time to go home, have a snack, get dressed and go. I don't know why I'm going, I just feel like I need to. 
I walk out of my house holding the note in my hand. I walk to (R/P/N) and stand outside the entrance. I walk in and sit on one of the benches and scroll on my phone. I feel someone sit next to me but I pay them no attention. I could tell it was a guy but I didn't want to seem weird or something. He cleared his throat expectantly. I look up at him to meet the gaze of Bakugou. I feel my cheeks heat up slightly and look down at my hand holding the note. 
"Um. Hi. I'm assuming you gave me the note then? Is there something you need?" I raise my head to look at him. He scoffs, "We both know we're soulmates so don't act fuckin stupid like those other idiots." He snaps. 
"Alright fine. Yes we're soulmates. Why did you want to talk to me" I said, trying to act super chill about it. "Because I wanted to get to know you dumbass"
For someone as hot as you, you seem really dumb 
"I could say the same thing to you gorgeous" I snap my head to him to see his eyebrows raised and him smirking. My face flushed, did I say that out loud?
Timeeeeskipppp
Me and Bakugou walked together for about 3 hours after that, just telling each other about ourselves. I learned that he is really sweet-hearted but he doesn't want people to know that so he made me swear not to say anything about it. Somehow our hands got linked together and we were sitting in a patch of dandelions on a large hill looking down at the city. 
"You know I've dreamed about meeting someone as pretty as you the day you appeared in my mirror" He commented, glancing over at me. He was really good at complimenting, I've lost count of how many times he's made me blush tonight.
I leaned my head on his shoulder and asked "does this mean we're a thing now?" He let out a soft laugh and put his hand under my chin and lifting me head up. He closed the gap between us. I couldn't help but notice how soft his lips were. I leaned into the kiss, deepening it as he cupped my face. When we broke apart he rested his forehead onto mine and smiled softly at me. 
"Of course we're a thing dumbass"
AHhh I'm bad at writing romantic scenes I'm sorry xD
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pbandjesse · 3 years ago
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Today felt a little weird. Not bad! Just off. Like I kept feeling like it was the end of the day multiple times. I felt like I was doing everything and also not accomplishing anything. But it was still a good day.
I slept okay last night. I have decided that the problem I have waking up in the morning when I don't have work is because. Who cares if Im late, there is nothing to be late for. But I had things to do so I would get myself up, even if I was tired.
I very much wanted a nap but I knew there would be no good time for that. I had many things to do.
I got washed and dressed. James made some amazing pumpkin crepes. I ate in my studio and got to work on art.
James took the plastic on the frames for my art. And I sewed some bears. I would also get some flipped and ready for eyes, but I was mostly focused on getting my sewing machine to work. I think I have mostly fixed it. It doesn't feel like its struggling as much.
I had some trouble with my frames. Only because not all of them ha a matt. And originally I was against the matts, but now that Ive seen the prints with the matts I like it and so 4 of the frames need them now. Ugh. Whatever, at least I got some done.
I repacked up my market stuff. Chose new stuffies and got more prints packaged. Once I was done with that I would go sit with James while they worked and checked on the island. Got it cleaned up for the tour I was doing tonight.
But quicker then I realized it was time for work! I needed to get on the call with Mike around 130. I laid in the studio for a half hour to wait. Went and grabbed the mail. Realized the front door had junk on it and cleaned that. And then it was time to get on the call.
It was a virtual field trip with 2 classes of first graders. There were some technical issues, but they were cute. I took lots of notes. It really is just a neighborhood tour and was pretty simple. I am still nervous about doing it myself, but it was fun. I want to get a general time line from Mike still, and Im going to watch another one tomorrow. But I think I would be okay leading them in the near future.
While that was happening I painted my nails. And once we were done I would have a late lunch. Hug on James. And hang out in the studio chatting with Jess and Candy about the stream.
Around 430 we got ready to get on the class. The actual stream was a little late because we had tech issues as well. But it was so fun! I loved sharing my island and hanging out with Candy was fun too. I hope her viewers enjoyed it too. She seemed really excited about my island and made me feel really good about how I have put it all together. I cant wait to do more work on it and hopefully share it again.
We ended once I showed off the majority of the island (and when the switch was dying), and had a little chat after. It was just really nice.
When we were done the whole thing I went and plugged everything in. But quicky got back on the game to send Jess something. And then James made us dinner. And I just enjoyed a chill night.
I laid in our bed for a little. Took a shower. And now Im listening to James talk to friends as they finish a dnd game. I just got a package in the mail. My new seasonal balm dotcom from glossier. Its cookie butter scented. Excellent.
I feel like I have been writing this post in weird bursts. BUt really I am just tired. I hope I sleep well and that you do too. I have the museum tomorrow, and I hope it is a positive and not stressful day. I am trying to will that. I hope you all have a great day tomorrow. Goodnight!
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shadowturtlesstuff · 4 years ago
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I’m sorry I’m not enough for you part 2
so ive actually managed a part 2 and 3 for this. 
It is nearing midnight, and once again Audrey Rose and I find ourselves in an abandoned alley stalking our killer. We have been on the case for several months now and we're hoping tonight will narrow down our lists of suspects. Just like the first time it was not my idea to try and seek out the killer, or at least seek out potential killers. Yet how could I say no to my daring wife.
We are peering out at a bar, hidden in the shadows of an alley. I am trying desperately to concentrate on the coming and goings of the people, yet my mind keeps flicking back to the first time I found myself in an alley with my wife. Although that case was more abhorrent than the current one, due to the multiple victims and the killer being someone close to my wife, I can't help but be thankful in some weird, absurd way. Even without the case I would have worked with Jonathan and possibly met Wadsworth, but the case brought up closer than I 
ever intended to be with anyone. The trauma we experience allowed us to get close fast, and that bond has grown stronger with every day that passes. 
I'm sure this near death experience will bring us closer still. 
The night is mostly quiet, the only sound is from the bar across the street. The rest is quiet. People are standing outside, drinks in every hand. I nestle myself against my wife, my hands wrapping around her and settling on her stomach. I feel her breath out, relaxing back into me despite knowing we are on the lookout for a killer. Her hair is in a loose braid, her clothes more natural than the dresses she dons everyday. She is just in a loose blouse and trousers and I can't help but want to hold her. She may look dazzling in a gown, may sweep me off my feet as she descends down the stairs in a long dress full of colour. Yet, something about her being in casual clothing, in the dark, makes my heart burst more. My wife never stops surprising me. I smile brightly into her shoulder and just rest my eyes slightly. We have been outside waiting for a while, observing everyone who enters and exits the bar, everyone traveling throughout the street and who is the drunkest. I have to wince occasionally as we witness drunken men take advantage of the women of the street. I can tell Audrey wants nothing more than to go and help them, but we both know that we cannot save everyone no matter how much we try. We just have to focus on our case and catch the killer before they can strike again. 
“Thomas.” I hear her whisper, she twists in my hands and I see that her eyes have turned glassy. I press my forehead against hers and feel her shiver underneath me. It is cold, absolutely freezing, especially since we've been standing around doing nothing for hours.
 “Yes my love.” I say back, pressing a kiss to her red nose. Her emerald eyes find mine and she smiles at me. A sad smile but a smile nonetheless.
 “Was this a good idea, or was it just a waste of our time? What if we got the wrong pub and-”
“No what ifs. Never let yourself go down that rabbit hole,” I advise because I know how the mind acts when it starts creating what if scenarios., “we have the right place, we have all the pieces but them. And with time we’ll have them too.” I try to reassure her and keep my own disbelief of my face. I do not think it works.
 “But how much time?” she whines and rests her head on my chest. I wrap my arms around her tightly and look at the bar. Nothing seems to be any different from five minutes ago. Perhaps we should head home. Try again another night, or try and catch them someplace else. Maybe Jonathan will have figured something else out that we can use to our advantage. I let my grip untighten and she moved out of my grasps, much to both of our dismay. She moves a few paces back, creating an unwelcome distance between us. I keep half my attention on her and half on the bar, just in case. I assume at this point our killer will not strike tonight. Since it has passed his normal time frame, and we haven't seen anyone leave with a woman matching the vague descriptions we have of him, it is hopefully safe to say that no one will be harmed tonight. At least by our killer.  
“Let's go home. He will not kill tonight love, it doesn't fit the pattern if he does.”
My wife wraps her arms around her to contain heat and I'm about to offer her my coat when I see a flash of movement. My breath catches in my throat as my worst nightmare comes true.
Someone has a knife to Audrey’s neck.
@fangirling-again @goatahoan @city-of-fae @tillyrubes10 @readsreblogsfics @loveyatopluto 
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liberolove · 4 years ago
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Testing the Waters (pt. 2)
Summary: youve finally graduated high school and now youre moving on to college. youve decided to go to sendai university. its summer and youve become curious about checking out the dating pool in miyagi, so you download a dating app. you figure you might as well have fun before delving too deep into your studies
Part: [part two] out of ???
Pairings: nishinoya x reader / kuroo x reader / oikawa x reader / kiyoko x reader
A/N: theres tons of ships here, just me living out my hoe phase lmao please dont judge me. let me know what yall think
Genre: fluff, smut, crack
Warnings: flirting, college shinanigans
It’s been three days since the last time you saw Yuu. Gosh, even saying his name to yourself gave you goosebumps. You two have been texting non stop and honestly, it felt so refreshing. You were a pretty bad texter but he knew how to keep the conversation going. 
One of his favorite things to do was play 21 questions with you. He wasn’t like those fuckboys who would use this opportunity to ask you if you were a virgin or what your favorite position was. Yuu was different. He came up with the craziest scenarios and judged you on the way you answered. One time he asked you how you would escape a 300 lb lion that just broke out of the zoo you were visiting. You honestly had no idea how to respond but eventually you replied, 
“I’d make sure to run with a crowd and ‘accidentally’ trip a slow runner so that the lion could get distracted and probably (most likely) attack them. This would buy me some time to get the hell out there.”
This response caught Noya off guard but he loved the way you thought. You continued to come up with barbaric schemes to survive all the scenarios he would throw at you. He kept you guessing and that was what you liked so much about him. He was wild and so were you.
You were getting a little impatient over your next date so you took a deep breath and eventually asked him.
Y/N: Heeey, Yuu. I was wondering when you’d like to go out again. I’d really like to go out with you again.
Nishinoya Yuu: hey cutie! I’ve been wanting to see you again but I haven’t had any days off from work lately.. (; ・`д・´) IM DYING!! I just wanna see yoouuuuu
Y: Aw man.. :( That sucks. When do you think you’ll get your next day off?
N: idk tbh but hopefully it’s soon!!
Y: no worries, just let me know.
N: will do!!
Well, that was that. Now you wondered what you should do to pass the time. You were bored again and needed something to do. “Oh wait. I should check the app. I haven’t checked since I messaged Yuu on there. Maybe I have more matches.”
You opened up the app and you had 10 notifications. You had gotten some likes on the selfie you posted and several people viewed your profile. You checked who looked at your profile, and it was mostly ugly, older, men. “Gross,” you thought to yourself. Besides this, you noticed some new messages. 
You opened up the first message. 
“Hey sexy! Wanna come see me play? Click my link https://…..”
“Damn bots. So annoying.” You deleted the message. Next message:
“DTF?”
“I mean like yeah, but you could’ve been less forward in your message. What a turn off..” You had one last notification left. Maybe it wouldn’t be a let down.
“Are you made of Fluorine, Iodine, and Neon? 'Cause you are F-I-Ne.”
To be honest, this pick up line did make you giggle a little. You checked out the profile of the mysterious stranger who sent it and you were surprised that it was a bulked up biker. And damn, was he hot as hell. 
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His hair stood up in an organized, weird bed head kind of way. It made him look like a rooster. Rather than smile in his photos, he smirked. And his eyes looked like he could undress you solely with his gaze. He looked like your typical bad boy, but that didn’t make sense. Why would he use a chemistry pick up line?
This made you become even more interested, so you replied back with another cheesy pick up line.
Y/N: I wish I were adenine because then I could get paired with U.
Kuroo Tetsuro: Hey, kitten. I thought you’d never reply. You had me waiting.
Y: umm??? calling me kitten already?
K: What’s wrong? Are you flustered already? We haven’t even met up yet.
Y: woah there cowboy! hold your horses
K: I’m not a cowboy, but I’ll gladly have you ride me instead.
Y: skskskks i cant even-
K: Sorry. Too much?
Y: YES TOO MUCH
K: Alright. Let me start over. Ahh, a fellow chemist, I presume?
Y: yeaaah, kind of. I have a love/hate relationship with chemistry.
K: Is that so? Maybe I can help with that.
Y: oh really? how so?
K: I am a chemistry major after all. I go to Sendai. Do you go to school?
Y: uhhh i’m going to start there in the fall. I still haven’t decided what to major in, just yet.
K: Maybe you’ll end up being a chemistry major like me and I can give you private one on one lessons? 
Y: I highly doubt that, but nice try. 
K: Have you gotten a tour of the campus yet? Or are you waiting for freshman orientation?
Y: nah, I haven’t seen all of it yet. 
K: Would you like to?
Y: um sure! When are you free for my private tour? (:
K: How about tomorrow in the morning? Maybe around 9am? I can pick you up too if you’d like.
Y: Sounds good and no thanks. I’m not riding on that motorcycle! Looks scary :(
K: Don’t worry, kitten. I’ll drive safely and make sure nothing happens to you.
Y: there you go again.
K: Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. No, but really. I don’t mind picking you up. Have you ever been on a motorcycle before?
Y: nope
K: Then, let’s change that. Send me your address tomorrow morning. And get some rest.
Y: alrighty it’s a plan then!
K: No. It’s a date.
Y: sksksk omg
After that conversation, all you could think about was how the hell did you get into this mess? Motorcycles are dangerous, yet this rooster convinced you so easily to take a ride with him.. 
It was an understatement to say that you were nervous for tomorrow.
You set an alarm for 7 am the next day and went to bed.
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Your alarm woke you up and you immediately remembered why you were awake so early. You rushed into the shower and once you were out, you spent 30 minutes deciding on what to wear. You opted for some black, ripped skinny jeans and a white v-neck t-shirt. 
At 8am on the dot, your phone’s notification bell went off. It was Kuroo.
“What’s your address, baby?”
You sent him the details and continued getting ready. You put on some light makeup and brushed your hair. You checked the time, and it was already 8:55 am. Then, your phone went off again.
“I’m outside.”
Your heart almost beat out of your chest. You grabbed your purse and put on some chapstick. You know, just in case..
You locked up your apartment and walked down the stairs. You were greeted by the biggest shit eating grin on the sexiest man you’d ever seen. You never went for the bad boys but college is a time for experimenting. 
“Hey, Y/N. You ready to ride? I brought an extra helmet for you.”
“Hi, Kuroo. And yeah, I guess,” your voice shook as you replied. You were really nervous but you tried to hide it.
“Don’t worry, baby. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’ll keep you safe.”
His words made you melt and you had just met him. The way he cooed at you and looked your way made you blush. You felt your cheeks get hotter by the second.
“Alright. Hop on and hold on to my waist. Hold on tight or else you’re gonna fly away when I take off. Okay?”
“..okay..” you managed to mutter. You were shaking but you put on the helmet he gave you and lifted up your leg to sit on the metal machine. You slowly hugged Kuroo from behind and held on as tight as you could. Your head was smashed right up against his large, broad back.
“Ready?” he asked.
“..yeah,” you squeaked.
Before you finished saying this, he had taken off like the devil was chasing him. If this was his meaning of safe driving, you didn’t want to find out his meaning of reckless driving.
The ride to Sendai University only took about 5 minutes, when realistically it would take 20 minutes by bus. You arrived and Kuroo teased, “are you going to let go, kitty?”
You hadn’t realized you were still gripping onto him for dear life. You released him from your hold and your hands still tingled from the amount of force you applied to his shirt. “Sorry!”
“No worries. Hey, look! I brought you here alive. Aren’t you glad?” he cackled. 
His laugh sounded like a dying hyena but it did sound a little cute at the same time. “Yeah. Thank goodness. Your driving is insane, dude.”
He showed you all over campus, from the administrative buildings to the gymnasium, to the fields. Sendai was a pretty big campus, and it made you glad that you had a personal guide to show you all the different buildings. 
After your little tour was over, he asked, “wanna grab a bite to eat? I’ll be a gentleman and pay for you too.”
Of course, you couldn’t say no to food. Much less, FREE FOOD! You nodded and got ready to ride the devil’s machinery again.
He took you to a nearby sushi bar. “Order whatever you’d like, princess. Today, I want to spoil you rotten.”
You melted at his words and also at the variety of rolls on the menu. You didn’t ask him if he really meant that you could order anything. You just kind of went for it. You ordered everything from shrimp tempura, to octopus, to eel. Sushi was your favorite and being told that you could order everything was a dream come true.
“Damn, girl! I had no idea you had such a huge appetite!  I didn’t know you’d take me seriously on my offer. You’re gonna run my pockets dry.”
You blushed and looked away. “Sorry, Kuroo. I really couldn’t help myself. I love sushi so much.”
“I’m just teasing you, baby. You deserve to be treated like this everyday.”
You had no idea how to respond so you just kept stuffing your face with sushi.
After you finally had your fill, it was time to go home. It was getting late. Kuroo took you home and you were definitely more relaxed this time on the bike. 
“I hope you had a great time today, kitty. And I hope I met your standards.”
“Yes, I did! Thank you so much, Kuroo! This was honestly so much fun. Thanks for everything.”
“Of course. Nothing but the best for you. I just need one little favor from you, baby.”
“Oh? What is it?”
“Can I get a kiss from your soft lips? I know you want to. I saw the way you kept staring at me, today.”
“Oh.. uhh.. Y-yea-yeah. Sure, of course.. Yeah,” you stammered. 
You looked at him with soft, shy eyes and before you knew it, he leaned in quickly and kissed you on the lips. Your eyes were wide open in surprise but as he deepened the kiss, your eyes slowly shut.
The kiss felt like electricity coursing through your body. You didn’t know what it was, but this man definitely already had you wrapped around his long, slender finger. 
As soon as you realized his hold on you, he backed off, and left you wanting more. He was such a tease.
“I can’t just let you have everything today, kitten. I need you wanting more.”
You didn’t know what to respond so you looked down at the ground shyly. 
“I’ll message you later, y/n. Don’t make me wait too long, again.”
You waved and muttered, “Thank you, Kuroo.”
He revved up his bike and was gone in seconds.
You remained in a daze as you walked back up to your apartment. Once you got inside, you plopped down on your couch and released a long sigh. “Who knew that college was going to be so exciting..”
[link to kuroo pic i found]
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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago
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bella I would love a directors cut on literally any of the rilex you’ve written, but specifically it’s always her, and you, and me, or for these days you’ve been stuck in my brain 💙
OHHHHHH those are some CHOICESSSSSS lucy. fuck yeah. let’s get into it. ill link them both here but we’ll take em one at a time
it’s always her, and me, you
these days you’ve been stuck in my brain
here’s a cut for convenience cos i KNOW i’m gonna go long here.
okay! let’s start with the rilisex fic.
it’s always her, and me, and you
so like it says in the ao3 notes, this fic came from realizing just how frequently rian and alex kiss each other like, all the time? just? casually? for funsies? this was another one of those situations like i mentioned where the hook aka first line (“Rian's no expert, but he doesn't think normal friends kiss this much.”) just appeared in my head and i was like heyyy that’s a GOOD first line. i have to build from that line. that’s the hook, that’s the summary, that’s the core. 
something i discovered upon searching through the editing history of the doc: i had originally sort of intended to go a direction with this where in some other circumstance, rian would see alex giving jack a super casual friendly kiss and he’d get all sad/jealous and be like sure why SHOULDNT alex kiss jack after all its just a thing he does with his FRIENDS. but the fic ended up going a different way and honestly? im glad. i like this way better.
the role of singin in the rain in this fic actually has a HILARIOUS backstory because the night i originally wrote that conversation in the tour bus kitchen, i went into the club and said the following
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and then. the next day. rian streamed with ricky, and i asked if he’d ever seen singin in the rain, and he ANSWERED ME and said he hadn’t. so first of all i had already written the scene and i then had to rewrite it to make it so rian wouldn’t have seen it but also!!! i literally asked rian fucking dawson if he’d seen a movie for the sole reason of using that information for fanfiction!!!! and he provided me with the information i needed!!!! whole thing is just fucking hysterical to me. ANYWAY.
ANYWAY, the other reason why sitr has such a big role in the fic is because megs and i watched the movie together while i was in the middle of working on the fic, so it was extremely fresh in my mind. in fact i can probably show you this: i had this comment left for myself when i was kind of trying to figure out if i could make a real metaphor of sorts with the sitr ot3 and the Big Three of this fic. some of this ended up in rian’s wild musings in the hotel scene but i did conclude that it wouldn’t really have worked and that was definitely true but anyway. fuck it, director’s cut, here’s the kind of shit i leave for myself to refer to
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so that’s part of the reason why it became such a puzzle piece of this fic, but real talk, it’s also just because i love singin in the rain it’s one of my favorite movies lmao
briefly gonna also touch on lisa and why she’s in this fic because i realize that rian/alex/lisa is an interesting approach to rilex! first of all, i love lisa. i love alex and lisa. and it occurred to me that there was really no reason to split lisex up just to make rilex happen. plus there’s this tweet that really just pushed me over the edge of being like yeah, rilisex is extremely plausible. so that’s that on that.
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as for the scene in the hotel room while they’re watching sitr, there is a small piece of that scene - from when alex starts kissing rian’s shoulders etc to “it would defy the laws of nature not to” - that i actually wrote before anything else in that scene. that small piece got stretched out and edited quite a bit from how it started but it did function as a sort of foundation around which i built the rest of the scene, because that small section sort of ~came to me~ absolutely out of nowhere, and i really liked the Vibe it had and i wanted to include it. i THINK that was the only piece of this fic that i wrote Out Of Order - for the most part this was written chronologically.
ALSO!!! omg this is exciting, this fic actually has a deleted scene!!!!!! i hate cutting scenes but i also hate having scenes that are less than 1k and this one didn’t really contribute much to the fic. i can probably share it here right? sure why not ! hopefully you can read this. it originally took place after the scene where alex and rian call lisa for the first time. the question of “what gets left into interview videos and what gets cut” is also just interesting to me as a (fic) concept in general so...eyes emoji, but here’s my mini-exploration that i cut from the original fic. enjoy lol it’s silly <3
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oh! also one more thing!! the very final scene was included for two reasons. the first reason being that when i write getting-together fics, i really prefer to add on a scene After they Get Together because i love to write domestic established relationship stuff and i think that’s a satisfying reward for a reader who’s just slogged through all the mutual pining and bullshit to get the characters together. but the OTHER reason is that i got an anon (here it is!) and i read that ask and was immediately like well shit. now i have to fucking include this. for the anon and for myself. so you can thank that anon for that last scene. (also i wanted to include merrikat especially since i had to cut their little moment in the interview scene above.)
so....................whew. i think i’ve bled that fic dry. holy shit that’s a lot of Stuff. OKAY! let’s move on.
~
these days you’ve been stuck in my brain
so!!! THIS fic was the breakthrough after (what felt like) a long bout of writer’s block. long for me was maybe two weeks, but i am the kind of person who is always writing, and two weeks was a long time to go with little to no inspiration/motivation to write anything. i had also been in a weird narrative headspace because i’d been binge-watching disney shows (jessie > austin and ally > girl meets world) and i don’t know how well i can explain this but the way those shows are written is a lot snappier and cares way less for realistic and consistent character development or plots or relationships, and so i was stuck between caring a lot about including those things in my fics but also being unable to conceptualize them in writing because my brain was in Disney Writing Mode. does that make sense? this is rhetorical so let’s go with yes. so anyway. i was in a slump
actually what i ended up doing was basically googling something like “au prompts tumblr” or something and just scrolling through posts. i saw something about soulmate telepathy and i actually tried to write something totally different before i wrote this one, but the first attempt was a different concept and then the direction i took it was like......it wasn’t quite right and i realized that i was kind of writing dark disney style? there is really no way for me to explain what i mean by that because it seems really obvious to me but that’s just because i’m inside my own head so just take my word. 
anyway. attempt #1 of soulmate telepathy rilex went poorly, and this fic was attempt #2. i kinda took the soulmate telepathy thing and changed it as i saw fit and i also went back to skim helen’s telepathy fic because obviously she’s the pro and then i tried not to steal her ideas. and as i was writing it i kinda realized i was doing the whole quirky funny best friend character with jack and also doing the whole “somehow this not-very-dramatic situation with teenagers is treated as The Most Dramatic Thing Ever and that’s totally normal and nobody finds it strange” disney trope with rian and alex being soulmates and i was like (deep sigh) i have to accept that no matter how much i try to fight this, this fic is going to be tainted with disney. and that’s life
on top of that i will add that the real-life rilex were extremely inspiring during the two-day period during which i wrote this fic, because that was when the once in a lifetime video came out and in the brief pre-video livestream rilex were Beyond Married and that definitely helped in the writing of fic rilex!
hmmmm what can i tell you about this fic itself.................honestly, i don’t think there’s much to tell! rian is a band kid because in real life rian was a band kid and he’s staff manager at rita’s just like he was in real life. there is truthfully not a lot to unpack here that i can think of!
oh here’s something i guess: rian and alex go on a date in this fic! that is because watching So Much Disney made me realize that i often forget the fact that people just. go on dates. sometimes. look i clearly do not have an active romantic life but i also really liked the idea of alex and rian going on a date despite not knowing if they’d be soulmates or not and liking each other organically just by getting to know each other, rather than being victim to the whole soulmate thing. like i wanted them to build a connection so that they would want to be soulmates. and then the audience would want that for them too. stakes!! very important.
i can tell you i had a mild crisis over the title of the fic because i am not a fan of the word brain and i didnt wanna use that sticky lyric for the title when it had a word i hated but it was objectively a much better title option than the other one i had, which was “sticky just like the song in my head” but i obviously decided on the former and it has not upset me nearly as much as i expected it to so that was the right decision imo
so! i think that’s all on that! sorry (?) that it got so long although then again i don’t know what’s to be expected in a director’s cut for two long fics but thank you for asking me about these, i love them both so very much rilex is so supremely underrated but so very important
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riskeith · 4 years ago
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hehe, hi!! hope you slept well even if you stayed up until 3-4 am (?) also what fic... what paring... 👀
genshin charas be like: *wavy beautiful flowy deep hair* tbh and we just gotta accept that. just keep practicing and i’m sure you’ll do them more than justice. your stuff is already great so far!! I JUST SAW HIS ISLE ANIMATION RAZOR IS LITERALLY BEST BOY? also his voice actor... ☹️🥺 razor is catboy we love it.
i’m gonna run around with him and just think about you always i promise!!!! [as if i don’t do that already hehe 😏] some day it will be i’m actually hopefully they’ll do it. too many people want cross server they cannot pass that up.. :(
thank u!! hehe, it’s a tododeku piece and it was one of my first bnha fics i started working on. basically it’s a radio au? i love those so much... midoriya’s a radio host and todoroki listens to him to help his insomnia and they start talking and it’s basically Yearning... jshdjdhdkd this one is actually one of those fics ive always wanted to do but felt stuck with multiple times shdjdsshdh but i don’t wanna let it die just yet so we’ll see what i’ll do with it. and yeah!!! long fics are super intimidating. i agree with everything you said lmao. the stuff i post is actually only one shots. multi-cap scares the fuck out of me bc what if you just lose motivation and then there are people that are waiting for updates and aaah. when i used to do longer fics i used to write it all out before posting the chapters that way i was Sure it was all done. most of my longer fics just end up never leaving my drive account because of that reason.. i literally have fics with over 20k words that have just died out... yikes. hahahah. and omg imagine a wip dump i���d read them all!! who knows what gold your big brain has hidden from us....
YOU HAVE A STUDY? now that’s just sexy of you. stop i feel like people that study at home in a specific office are studious. there’s something super fancy about having a work space at home... and a bookshelf my god what a dream... 😍 books are the most important!!!!! my makeup is hidden in a makeup bag so it doesn’t touch them. i’d literally cry if anything happened to any of them shsjdjk. your bookshelf said 2013 vibes and i adore it. all of those are such good vibes tbh i can’t believe you have them at home... awww <3 do you like the movie adaptions as well?
what happens after 12 yo? do you have secondary school?
I HAVE NO CLUE... god albedo so gorgeous. we’ve just been praising him for days and i’m still not tired of him. he’s so perfect!!!!! if he comes back another time i’m definitely gonna go for it. also AHH? i cant wait for the razor pic aaah you made me so excited now... <3
i made a asia server acc earlier!! god it feels so weird to start anew sjdkdhdk all the tutorials.. not having wings... nothing. just paimon and me running around in the whispering woods. kind of tedious actually but gotta do it for the wifey.. 🥰 i’m thinking i’m gonna hustle hard this weekend to hopefully get up at least to level 10 or something. omg we are literally gonna be that meme where the short person stands in front of taller person and says “they asked for no pickles”... have you seen them? i suck at explaining shjdjdjd anyway. CANT WAIT TO SEE YOU PLAY... 😍 the homoerotic tension in the domains... 😍 also i was thinking,. we get a lot of primogems early in the game and i’m gonna try to spin for xingqiu so we can have that date after all... 😏
YOU HAVE 5 ACCS? my girl is booked and busy. can i ask what for help... also do you ever tweet the wrong things on the wrong accs? and idk what a moment is but i’d absolutely watch that. i wanna see ur cute screenshots... 🥺 YOUR THEME IS SOOOOOO FUCKING GOOD!!!!! ohdhsjshsjshsjsj it’s soooo fucking nice I LOVE IT the colors and the pose. THE MOON ABOVE HIS HEAD. mark me as in love... 🥺
it’s me who cannot wait to hear from YOU. i can’t stop thinking about how soon we’ll run around together aaaah... <3333
i finished responding to your ask at like 3am and slept then!! it was.... drarry 😳😳 they’re legitimately all i read these days even tho i have like one (1) knowledge about hp and its lore FHDKFHSDFJSDKKHSD just the enemies to lovers dynamic you know??? ugh 😩😘👌
fjksdfh thank!! HE’S THE BESTEST BOY!! lil pup 🥺🥺 AND HERE’S THE IMAGE: 
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LOOK AT HIM M.A. LOOK!!!!!!!!!!! dont you just want to give him everything <333 all the wolfhook he wants... all the good pats... 😭😭😭😭
hehe <33 and hopefully some day!!! i think realistically they wouldn’t, but one can hope hfsdkfhkdsjkh
:o concept! oooo does todoroki know it’s midoriya or is he just pining for the mystery radio show host 😩🤪 i hope you’re able to keep it alive! ahaha ganbatte plus ultra 💪💪💪 you 🤝 me sticking to one-shots. fjdslfkj damn writing it ALL before posting tho requires so much patience... that’s so admirable.... im legit so hungry for like attention and validation from my fics i can’t not post fhdsfsdhsdhk even if it’s still a wip... and the giving up on a multichap i’ve done that LOLLLLLLLLLL i was so in denial about it too even tho i knew i was never gonna go back to it i went from pretending it didnt exist to announcing a hiatus to then announcing its discontinuation fhdskfjsdkjfskdhfdsks
FHSKFHSDKJ ye!! ahah actually now that you say it like that ... makes me sound so profesh 😩 nice! that’s good protect the books first and foremost hfksdhkfs. 2013 was a vibe too i reckon.. that was when catching fire came out <333 which relates to your question, i do *mostly* like the movie adaptations! if i watch the movies before the books then it’s all good, but if i’ve already read the books and then i go into the adaptation..... yikes HSHAH but sometimes it’s been so long i forget the book plot so it’s alright. i do think the hunger games adaptations were really good though!!! hbu do you like the movies?
yup we call it high school!! and that goes from 13-18 yo. 
albedo... always on the mind 🥰🥰🥰 i think once i get xiao i might maybe roll of every banner after? just to try LOL idkk. 
!! im so sorry you have to go through all that tedious stuff again 😭😭😭 but im so thankful 😍😍😍😍 once you reach co-op levels dw we can do all the quests together so you won’t have to suffer through them with difficulty 🤪 and no i didn’t know that meme but i just looked it up and omg that energy... can’t wait for that to be us :p XINGQIU!!! im so excited omg.. that was one of the other reasons i was willing to start again so i could try roll him fshfksjd. channeling luck for you so you get him again!!! and then chongyun can be with the boyf <33 
5 but only 3 i use!!! my kpop twt, anime, and then my ‘main’ (for posting just fics and art etc). the other 2 are basically just there to save URLs hfskdfhskd. and no i don’t!! im super conscientious about that bc im so paranoid hfkshfsdfhsdfjksdhfks y’all won’t catch me slipping 🤪 and a moment is basically just a collection of tweets! but i realised you actually need to tweet them first for that to happen fshfhsdkfd but here are some thumbnails!
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THANK UUUU chongyun really is my muse.. who needs irl photography when i can do all this in game <33333 
ME NEITHER!! you got me smiling like a fool just thinking about it... hope you slept well! mwah :*
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cockbiteproductions · 4 years ago
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all prime numbers in the Misc section and all multiples of 10 in the other sections
we shall go backwards as the question list was posted backwards...... (and also why i rbed it.... why is it backwards? i dont know but i love it. edit: now that ive seen question 1 it looks to me like one of those forum profile copy pastes where you fill out the entire thing and put it in your profile.)
200: My crush’s name is: hmm...... well. i would rather not say!!!! they could see this post!!!!!!! and we do not want that happening.......
190: My 1st job was: lifeguard in the summer after 9th or 10th grade i think? it was decently fun. i grew up swimming competitively so the swimming part was a breeze. the remembering what to do if someone is drowning part? a bit harder. memory bad. what to do if someone has a potential broken spine/head injury when they’re in deep water? i don’t know bud. but it involves 3 whole people to get them out. 2 in the water, one person at all times holding their head in line with the rest of their body, the other one strapping them to the board (these two people in the water switch off, too) and then one person standing on the side of the pool looking very concerned. also don’t tell anyone but sometimes if i had like a 6 am shift i would get really groggy and almost fall asleep on the stand.
180: Marriage is: whatever people make of it but unfortunately bogged down with like a lot of societal expectations. to me it just sounds like hanging with your “best” friend until you die but a lot of other people interpret it differently.
170: What did you do yesterday? LOL wouldn’t it be nice if i remembered. wait no i do remember. i woke up “early” and watched a dnd livestream and struggled through buffering from my shit wifi. then i took a nap. then i had a chipotle burrito that was way too spicy. and i played a lot of minecraft. and i wrote a bit. and i also did like another 2-3 pages of the codecademy html intro course im working on.
160: Soul mates: nope. [taylor mason voice] i don’t believe in the concept of a soul. you are compatible with some people more than others and that’s based on your values and interests and personality. nothing Soul about it. it’s fun in fanfic and fiction though, but that’s because it’s fiction.
150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes..... i like brown hair! but blonde is nice too.
140: Mac or PC: clown face emoji. mac. It’s A Unix System. more convenient for me. my current mac is a giant piece of shit though. though i think that’s my own fault for keeping all my old files from my old mac. shoulda started over. i think i might try to get this one factory reset or something.
130: Wal-Mart or Target: idk walmart. i go there a lot during college. walmart just has a larger selection. i used to go to target a lot as a kid though because my mom liked it more. i think it’s like slightly more bougie?
120: Gay Marriage: fuckin go for it pals. sad that it took as long as it did to become legal.
110: My Neighbors: they are nice i think. the ones to the right are teachers or something. the ones to the left are.... idk. their kids were like maybe 5 years older than me and my brother when we were growing up though and sometimes they would indulge in us tiny annoying kids and hang with us
100: Cried in front of someone: when the finale of the clone wars came out a few months ago and i was sobbing and i ran into the living room to tell my roommate and friend that i was sobbing. i was sobbing. i also recorded myself watching the entire eps and i Sure Was Sobbing.
90: Texted: actual sms text, yesterday in response to a friend who texted me a tik tok. instant messaging like 20 minutes ago to milo. i havent responded yet because im answering this and i cant multitask for shit.
89: Who makes you laugh the most: me obviously. i think i’m fucking hilarious. me aside, @redvsblue​ is the funniest person on this planet. also my friend holly irl who shares my incredibly dumb sense of humor. also you!
83: The most difficult thing to do is: hmm........ in general or for me personally? idk..... a lot? i am not a very courageous person. so i guess being brave.
79: First time you had a crush: >:( not appreciating this line of questioning that lines up with the prime numbers/mult of 10. i will not be saying as they ALSO follow me on tumblr. though they don’t use it often. shout out to middle school.......
73: Tomorrow: hopefully wake up around 1 pm at the latest. make a plum smoothie. play some more minecraft and get more netherite (new update slaps). do more coding tutorials. get some writing done. the same ol same ol.
71: Next Summer: hopefully i will have a job lined up for the fall and the pandemic is Over. i would like to just [do nothing] for the last summer Ever before job starts. if i don’t have a job then it’s Job Hunting Time.
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: what the fuck...... like in a bad way? good way? cry of laughter? sadness? me, probably. my own damn brain be like “well it’s time to think about Yourself and be sad!” i know. very narcissistic of me. also dave filoni (director, producer, writer on clone wars).
61: My Car: not really mine. i just use it. beige 201? toyota camery. my brother tried to convince my dad he needed it more than i did last school year. my brother, who lived on campus in boston and flies to school from nc when he goes there, needs the car more than me, who lived off campus and drove to and from school to get back to nc, thinks he needed the car more than me. what a guy.
59: The movie I cried at was: last movie huh......... when was the last time i saw a movie? idk probably the rise of skywalker when leia died. i don’t know. i sure as hell didn’t cry at cats.
53: How do you like your steak cooked: i am vegetarian.
47: Who’s your best friend: @worthyghouls​ i guess. but also concept of “best friend” is so weird. No Best Friends. just lots of people i am good friends with. feels weird to all my other friends to pick One of them and be like “well i like you more than everyone else” :)
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: only in the vaguest vaguest vaguest sense. i would like to graduate with my bs degree. i would like to live in a city (doesn’t have to be a super big one. where im at rn is fine). i would like to have my first or second job i feel comfortable doing related to the degree i am getting. i would like to live in my own apartment (with roommates)/not with my parents. i would like to not be rent burdened. i would like my roommate to know how to take care of a cat or be okay with helping me learn how to take care of one. i would like to have a cat with said roommate. and that’s about it tbh. not very ambitious, i know. i just want a simple life......
41: Have you pre-named your children: bold of you to assume i will have children. no. if i ended up with child it would be like that tag on ao3 called “accidental baby acquisition” and i would name it on the spot.
30: Actress: hmm..... lauren marcus. lauren lopez. does fiona nova count if she’s going to be in rvb zero? also lindsay jones. aubrey plaza. idk. not many actresses i follow from project to project. it’s more i will see them in something and appreciate them in that role immensely. 
20: Holiday: halloween is pretty chill. just getting candy from strangers? dope. scary aesthetic? amazing. i also like christmas just for the sole fact that i get time off from [life].
10: Restaurant: a favorite restaurant??? who has one of those???? i sure don’t. and i’m not gonna say something cringey like olive garden or mcdonalds. i simply do not have one.
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gb-patch · 4 years ago
Text
Ask Answers: May 15th Part 2
And here’s the next part of the long answer set of the day!
When will OL: N&F take place? Beginnings and Always took place during summer breaks, will now and forever take place during a fall break or will the characters be going to school at the time of the events we play through? 
It takes place over all of the fall season, so school will be happening in OL2. Some events do take place in school, though many times events only start after school is already out for the day, haha.
Hey!! I have kind of a weird question?? I’m sorry if it’s been answered before and I just haven’t seen it but is OL 2 taking place during the same years as OL 1? I’m just curious, thank you for such amazing games!!! 
It’s a similar time frame, but not 100% exactly same.
Do you have any idea when the demo for now and forever will be available? 
Hopefully this fall! But that’s not a guarantee.
Okay the crime show in Step 2: Growing up. Long blonde hair, police station, crime series? Was it The Closer? Because I’m the same age as MC and Cove and my mom was constantly watching that when I was 13. 😂 
Haha, yeah! The Closer and, to a lesser degree, Medium were the kind of shows I was referencing there. My mom also used to watch those back in the day.
Hey um this might be an odd question but if the setting of OL: N&F is  fall/autumn, what country or city will it take because my mind tells me it is either Poland or Canada. Also I can't wait for the game I am hyped 
It’s set in the USA again. We’d like to be able to have cameos and that’s easiest to do if the OL games take place in the same country.
Is it possible for the PC of OL to have non-seriously dated other people in the in between years even if they’ve had a consistent crush on Cove? 
You can causally date Baxter in Step 3 if you get his DLC and then ultimately choose Cove in Step 4. If you mean off-screen people, it doesn’t really come up, but you can certainly headcanon that. The game never says Cove is the only partner you’ve ever had.
Is there going to be a Kickstarter for Now and Forever as well? For like voiced names and stuff again? Didn’t find B&A until after it was released and I’d really love the opportunity to hear my name in the game 🥺 
Yeah, we are gonna have a Kickstarter with getting a voiced name as a reward! Though, it will be more expensive than it was for OL1. I feel bad to raise the price but we realized too late the first time around that it was being super undersold for the amount of work it took, aha.
Do you know how much the remaining DLC for OL will cost? (Step 4, Derek, Baxter) 
Step 4: Free
Wedding DLC: $2.99USD
Derek DLC: $4.99USD
 Baxter DLC: $4.99USD
Has an artist for the new position been picked yet?! I'm super excited for the new game! 
We did fill that spot. Thank you so much for taking the time to apply!
hmmm what would it take to get each of the XOXO jerk squad to feel the need to hug you? 
They’d have to first like you a fair amount, otherwise the most you’d get is maybe a pat on the shoulder. If they were attached, they might hug you if you broke down crying or if you gave them super good news.
Unless it’s Shiloh, of course. If you want a hug you only have to ask!
May i ask how the Derek DLC will work? I believe that there aren’t any memories in step 4 and doesnt derek’s dlc take place during that step? So will the dlc add memories? Thank you! 
Derek’s DLC will add five Moments to Step 2 (a new page will appear on that screen if you get the DLC). Then in Step 4 you’ll have to choose between playing the default epilogue or going through the Derek romance story.
Is the pc version on itch,io different from the steam version? Like an offline one or something? 
Steam has achievements, but that’s about it. Both can be played offline, if you prefer.
I've been wondering this for awhile, what determines if cove winds up with a ponytail in step 3? I've done multiple runs with different MCs with varying hairstyles. Or does it have to do with a particular moment in step 2? 
I’m afraid I can’t say exact choices that determine things. But generally it’s preference based options in the Step before that decide those things.
Any Floret Bond updates? 
No, the artist had to leave the project and it’s been on-hold. I’m not sure if I want to try working just with what we have or replacing it all entirely. The design is a bit too specific for us to easily find someone who could mimic it. Hopefully we’ll work things out later, though.
In step 3 is Cove's plan always to stay in sunset bird? 
Yeah. He is never ready at 18-years-old to make a big life change.
I love your content! If it's alright to ask, you answered in a previous ask about how Jeremy was too particular with what he likes his types to be romanceable with just any MC and it's sort of got me wondering.. What /are/ his types and/or preferences and such? Sorry if it's a lot! 
Jeremy likes stubborn jerks and will not date someone who’s sweet or even generally a decent person, haha.
uh, excuse me if you said this somewhere before, but how will step 4 be actually? Will it he like an actual step and have moments and dlc and all? Or will it be more like a long epilogue of some sort?
Will the step 4, the wedding and extra routes dlcs be paid too? Im just confused, sorry if im asking too much
Step 4 is only an epilogue, so it’s just a long series of scenes one after the other rather than a collection of Moments you can choose from.
The Step 4 epilogue is free, the wedding DLC, Derek DLC, and Baxter DLC cost money.
i’m not sure how much of the wedding dlc you have planned already, or if this would be to spoilery, but what kind of wedding traditions will be included? i keep thinking about how flustered cove would get over a garter toss & was wondering if we’d see a scene like that haha. obviously no worries if it’s not included, i’ll enjoy literally anything cove related 
I don’t know for sure yet, haha. Right now we’re focused on the parts before the big day. We’ll see how many scene alterations we can include for the wedding itself later on.
Hello! Firstly, thank you for creating such an amazing game like OL, and I couldn’t be more excited for OL2! Out of curiosity, are you looking for any writers to come on for OL2 or are you all pretty much set in that department? Just thought I’d shoot my shot haha but I’m still excited regardless ^^! 
We will be hiring writers for OL2 later this year! Thank you for the interest.
Will we be blessed with a spin-off Yandere Cove, like XOXO Blood Droplets? 
Sadly, no. It’s a shame but there’s not enough time to keep making OL1 bonus/spin-off content.
How is Q pronounced?
I’m afraid Q’s full name hasn’t been publicly announced yet so I can’t answer here (Q and T are the first letters of the names for the new LIs in Our Life: Now & Forever).
Question; is the steam version getting a Mac update?  I purchased the dlc there thinking it had Mac support without realizing it and just wondered if I’d need to refund it to purchase on itch.io 😭 
I’m really sorry, you will need to get a refund from Steam. We do hope to have it there for Steam eventually, but have no idea of when it’ll happen. Apple requires special notarization to be an officially accepted app for their devices. We don’t have that. Steam requires having that, Itch will let you release it as an non-notarized third party app. That’s why Itch is the only place that has the Mac version right now.
would you mind posting outfit sheets for Cove in every step? it would make things a lot easier for us artists. it would save a lot of time spent looking for references 
I think we did do the earlier steps when they were finished way back in 2019 (this game took a long time to make, aha), but we can probably repost them sometime!
In our life n&f, will we be able to get into qprs/will there be more options in regards to having deep platonic relationships with the love interests? Because as an aroace individual, it would be great if there could also be emphasis on platonic love so that it's more aspec inclusive. 
It’s a little hard to say at this point. There may not be things like a wedding DLC for OL2 and so the relationship for platonic and romantic feelings might not go as far as it did in the first game. We’ll kind of have to see how much we can do based on timeframe/budget constraints that will only be set near the end of the year. But we will be keeping things like that in mind at least.
hi! i really really like your game and im absolutely in love with it! i cant wait to try your other games like xoxo droplet and future OL NF :))
during the step 3 erands moment i got curious, which fudge flavor is his favorite? it seems like he likes all of them, but which 4 do you think he would like best?
also i noticed that in some playthroughs cove would let me give him a piggy back ride, and in some he wouldn't, how come?
how does your choices affect cove's interests or looks? i replayed the game without changing any choices but i got cove to look different, is it just random?
thank you!
Cove’s favorite flavors are ones with nuts and that are fruity! But he appreciates them all. Whether or not you can give him a piggyback ride depends on if your MC is fit/large enough to hold a muscular 6-foot-tall beach boy, haha.
Cove’s appearance does depend on choices and it’s generally tied to choices that are preference based rather than emotion/action based, such as which key chain you pick in Step 1.
Is it possible for cove to reject MC's proposal at the end of step 3? 
Nope. He’ll always accept.
hi! i was wondering how heavily the side characters will be featured in the our life wedding dlc? obviously it'll be cove & mc focused, but i was thinking it'd be sweet if we could take lizzie dress / suit shopping or dance with cliff at the wedding or something. 
The side characters are there about as often as they are in normal events. So, it’s clearly focused on Cove but he’s not the only person you have any meaningful moments with.
When will responses be sent out to applicants? 
I’m afraid we don’t send responses out to all applications, only ones we’re interested in offering the position to. Not everyone likes rejection emails and the amount of applications is too high to contact them all to say we’re not hiring them. We post updates on the job page when a position has news. Right now we’ve filled every role that was open.
Is there also going to be the option to keep your relationships with the love interests platonic in Our Life: Now and Forever? That's something I really appreciate in Our Life: Beginnings and Always
Yeah! OL will never force you to end up in a romantic relationship with someone.
I was wondering, in the Step 3 Happiness moment, what are the different fishes Cove can compare MC to? I got "you'd be a paradise fish, because being with you is paradise," but my friend got "you'd be an angelfish." Are there more variations? 
He says paradise fish if you’re a couple, angelfish if he’s just crushing, and then a royal dottyback/queenfish/emperor tetra (based on your gender) if he likes the MC platonicly.
Hello! So, in one of the Step 3 DLCs, Cove's arm was gone. I think it was to show him putting his arm behind his back. But if that wasn't the case, did it get yeeted? 
Thanks for letting us know. That was an error we tried to fix a little while back. When did you make the save file you were playing? If it was older that might be why it happened. Or maybe the error wasn’t fully fixed after all.
Asking for your opinion, but do you think Cove would at all be into ABBA? Because all I could imagine during the car trip in step 3 was him and the MC belting to Mamma Mia. 
Haha, yeah, there’d definitely be some ABBA songs he was into.
So throughout the game, Cove can develop different interests depending on the player’s choices; does this mean that he can have different careers in Step 4? Or his is line of work in adulthood never mentioned at all? 
He can have different career paths in Step 4!
Hi!! I'm so so sorry if this has been asked before but I just acquired knowledge about the so famous nsfw dlc for OL and nearly chocked on my bubblegum 💀💀💀 So, my real inquiry is if that specific moment will have any kind of impact at some point of the fourth step OR if it will just be treated as a side-story-ish “what if” scenario.Also, is there any chance there'll be something similar for Step 4? Haha jk,,, unless 😳Questions apart let me thank you profoundly for making the best visual novel I've ever played 😭 Really really looking forward the epilogue and OL2 💕 Have a nice day 
It’s just a bonus side story that’s fully separate from the main game.
It would be nice to have one for Step 4 too, but I sadly don’t see us having time to actually do it. I don’t know, if people are still asking for more OL1 content several months from now it might be doable and worth doing.
I'd just like to ask, when is Baxter's birthday :0 -- I'm really curious esp with their zodiac signs so ;w; 
I don’t know, haha. Maybe I’ll come up with one someday.
Please help!! I bought the Step 3 DLC but I still have no idea how to get to where you can propose to Cove - any tips? 
&
How do I get the option to propose to Cove at the end of the game?
You can click HERE for a discussion on that.
I love that Miranda and Terry are getting together! I'm curious if you have canon sexualities for them? Also just wanted to say how much I love OL and how much joy it brings me everytime I play it <3 
Terry likes ladies and Miranda likes dudes!
ngl Step 4 Terry's design reads like y'all see trans guys as their assigned gender more than you see them as men to me (a trans guy)... like maybe if he isn't heavily dysphoric, I could see it, but everything you've said about him doesn't line up with that. Even then, immediate warning bells go off in my head looking at him. I wouldn't have touched the game if I saw him ahead of time.
I’m sorry you aren’t comfortable with the way the design looks. The situation with Terry is that he’s now open about who he is, but the body he was born with is still physically the same. He only came out recently as an adult and hasn’t gone through any treatments/procedures yet (his chest is flatter because he wears a binder). However, even though his body hasn’t transitioned at the point Step 4 happens, no one treats him as anything other than the guy he is. Having a trans character who’s identity is supported/respected from the start is what we’re going for in this case. But what we’re doing with Terry isn’t the only trans content we’ve ever had/ever will have in the future.
how would baxter react to bae pyoun and vice versa? and can you please detailly explain both love interests personalities from our life 2: now and forever? i was just curious, sorry for dumb question!! 
I imagine it’d be pretty opposite experiences, haha. Bae would initially think Baxter is pushy and thoughtless, but would quickly realize, oh, he’s instead a soft, considerate boy. Very cute. Baxter would first be struck with the impression that Bae is charming and gentlemanly, but then would realize that, no, he’s a sarcastic asshole. And I’m afraid we can’t reveal the personalities for the next game yet.
Sorry if you've already answered this, but I have a question about the patreon exclusive moment you're working on. I was wondering if it's mainly going to be CGs or if it's mostly character sprites + backgrounds with some CGs.
Either way, thank you for doing the Lord's work and not only making Cove, but making this bonus moment as well 😌😌😌
It’s mostly sprites/backgrounds with two CGs!
—– —– —– —–
Thank you again for the interesting questions everyone :D
We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog
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jilyss · 5 years ago
Text
what happens in greece shouldn’t stay in greece
my take on “2 people I know who broke up years ago are on separate romantic vacations w their partners iN THE SAME GREEK TOWN and Im just sitting here watching it unfold on ig, where they have each other blocked. ”
read on Ao3
Lily stretched out onto the warm sand, letting it settle around her fingers and toes. Sighing happily, she shifted so that her head was resting on her boyfriend Blake’s stomach. His fingers moved to play lazily with her red hair tied back in a messy bun, and she closed her eyes, letting the sun coat her skin. 
“Gorgeous, isn’t it?” Blake murmured, and she could feel the rumble in his stomach as he spoke. They were on a vacation in Lindos, Greece, a small town on the coast. While it was still a touristy town, it was relatively quiet compared to the busy city of Athens they had visited yesterday. At the moment, there were only a few families and couples scattered along the beach, splashing in the water and enjoying the sun.  
“The best place I’ve ever visited,” Lily replied, falling into a peaceful quiet. But within a few minutes, she was already hot, feeling a light sheen of sweat break out on her skin. Sitting up, she pulled off her shirt, revealing a yellow bikini. “Do you want to go in the water? I’m a little hot.”
Blake shook his head, reaching for his phone. “I’m good. Maybe in a minute?”
Lily nodded, shifting again so that she was lying sprawled out next to him, and forced herself to relax in the sun.
XXX
Marlene was sitting next to her roommate Dorcas, watching the newest episode of the Bachelor, and mindlessly scrolling through Instagram when she saw Blake’s newest post of his and Lily’s Greece trip. She double tapped it, not thinking much about it since Lily had sent her a nearly identical picture a few hours ago to prove they were still alive. 
She tossed the phone onto the couch and stood up. “Lily seems like she really likes Blake,” she called as she opened the fridge. “Think they’re gonna move into together after their trip?”
Dorcas shook her head. “No way. I mean, she might be ready, but I don’t think Blake is the type to commit this soon. How long have they been dating?” 
“I think they took this trip because it’s been a year. I don’t think that was the ‘official’ reason or whatever, but yeah, it’s been a year.”
“Hmm,” Dorcas said, eyes focused back on the tv. “I hope Lily isn’t expecting anything.”
Marlene closed the fridge, holding a bottle of Dr. Pepper. Sitting down next to Dorcas, she propped her legs up and pulled out her phone again. “I don’t think so. She’s been warier this time around than with her other boyfriends. She always goes into everything headstrong, you know? Loves first and asks questions later? I think she’s trying to take it slower with Blake.”
Dorcas nodded, tucking her legs underneath her. “Hopefully Blake sticks. I mean, he’s a little arrogant sometimes, but I think he’s been my favorite so far, besides James, I mean.”
Marlene snorted. “Just don’t tell Lily that. She’ll blow your head off.” Dorcas grinned. Marlene went back to scrolling through Instagram, bored. 
As Dorcas reached for the chip bag next to Marlene, Marlene suddenly sat straight up, eyes wide and staring at her screen. 
“Wha - Mar, what’s wrong?” Dorcas said, tugging at the chip bag. “Let me have some chips - “
“It’s not that,” Marlene said, waving her free hand frantically. “Look at this.” She shoved the phone into Dorcas’s face. It showed a picture of James and his friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter, snorkeling just off the coast of a beach. Dorcas’s eyes flicked up to the location at the top of the picture. Lindos, Greece. Her eyes narrowed. 
“Isn’t that where -”
“Yes! Lily and James are in the same town.” Marlene bolted out of her chair, pacing anxiously around the room. “And I’m pretty sure James still has her blocked on Instagram, and Lily barely checks anyway. Dor, do you know what this means?”
Dorcas rolled her eyes. “So what? The probability that they run into each other is super low, and even if they do, it’s going to end up in a big fight, just like every other time they’ve seen each other since.”
Marlene’s eyes flashed excitedly. “I’m calling Sirius, right now.”
Now Dorcas jumped up, reaching out to grab the phone from Marlene’s hand. “Marlene! You can’t just -”
Marlene jumped out of Dorcas’ reach, standing on the couch. Dorcas followed her, and practically leapt on top of her, laughing as she pulled her down and wrestled the phone out of her hand. 
Holding it above her head, Dorcas used her other hand to push Marlene away. “If we interfere now, it’ll throw both of them into a nervous wreck and ruin their vacations.” Marlene lunged at Dorcas, who stepped neatly away, grinning. “It’ll be much better if we let them just find each other. It’s a small town, there’s a good chance they will run into each other at the beach already.”
Marlene stepped back, eyes widening as she understood Dorcas’ plot. “What happens if they don’t run into each other?” 
Dorcas shrugged. “If they’re meant to be, they’ll run into together sooner than later.”
Marlene snatched her phone back and sat down heavily on the couch. “Fine, I won’t call Sirius. But, if Lily hasn’t seen him by her last day, I’m calling him.”
Dorcas shoved her legs off the couch so that she could sit down. “Deal.” 
XXX
At exactly 8:00 am, Remus’ alarm went off and four men collectively groaned. James, who was sleeping closest to alarm, tapped at the phone’s screen aggressively until he hit the snooze button. No one moved otherwise until it went off a few minutes later, and Remus finally sat up, rubbing at his eyes. “We gotta get going if we want to make it anywhere before all the tourists get there.” When no one moved, he pulled the covers off of Peter, who he was sharing the bed with, who instantly groaned and curled into a ball. 
Remus shuffled out of bed and pulled the covers off of James and Sirius, who reacted similarly. They had been out late the night before, at a local bar and had had one too many drinks, but Remus was determined to make the most of their vacation, so despite his hangover, he was getting up. 
Their Airbnb room was already littered with various clean and dirty clothing items, and when James finally got up, he had to sort through until he found a clean outfit. Head pounding, he got dressed and wishing that he hadn’t gotten so crazy last night. He hadn’t meant to drink as much as he did, but it had been a long time since he had gotten that wasted that he had let himself get carried away. By the time he was finally dressed, Sirius was still in bed. James chucked a pillow at him, and when Sirius didn’t even flinch, jumped on top of him. 
“James - urgh!”
A few minutes later, Remus was pushing everyone out the door, ready for another day in Greece. 
XXX
“Hey babe, look at this,” Blake said, grabbing Lily’s hand, and pulling her over to a vendor’s stall filled with tea bags and glowing candles. Instantly, she broke out into a huge smile. She had always loved candles, especially the smell just after lighting them. 
Lily let her fingers slip from Blake’s to pick up the one closest to her, taking a deep breath of the lemon lavender candle. She spun around, intending to show Blake when she thought she saw a figure pass by in the corner of her eye. Confused at the familiarity of the figure, she tried to step out of the vendor’s stall to get a better view of the person, but Blake stepped in her way, handing her another candle. 
Shaking her head, Lily focused back on Blake. She had to have been seeing things - the chances of seeing him in Greece, were impossible, and it had to have been someone who had a similar body type. 
“You want to get anything?” Blake asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. Lily shook her head, still distracted. 
“I’ve got plenty already. Do you want to go get lunch soon? I’m starving.”
XXX
Later that afternoon, Lily had almost completely forgotten that she had seen her ex-boyfriend’s lookalike in Greece. But not quite. Every dark-haired stranger that was taller than her caught her eye for the rest of the day, but finally, after dinner when they had wandered down to the beach to watch the sunset, she managed to forget about it as she stepped side by side with Blake. 
They had just sat down on a pier bench, with a view of the boardwalk and the beach in front of them, when Blake cleared his throat. “Can we talk for a minute?” 
Lily gave him a questioning look, suddenly nervous. “Yeah, of course. What’s up?”
Blake glanced at his hands, which were twisting in his lap and cleared his throat again. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking… about us.” Lily’s heart rate skyrocketed, and she couldn’t breathe. Blake reached into his pocket, pulling out a small velvet box, but didn’t open it. “A lot of people wanted me to propose on this trip. But you - I don’t think we’re ready for that yet.” He laughed lightly. “But I am ready to make a promise and move in together. I love you, and I know it’s cheesy or whatever - but I know how I feel about you, and I know where I want us to end up.” 
Lily gasped as he opened the velvet box to reveal a small diamond encased in a silver ring. He held the ring out to her, and Lily took a deep breath. 
Unbidended, a memory of the man she thought she had seen earlier popped back into her head. Late one night, she and the man she had been almost positive she was going to marry, had snuck to the top of a building and stayed until the sun had gone down. Wrapped in a blanket together, and laughing together was the happiest Lily had ever felt. 
“Lily?” Blake’s voice brought her back to the present, and she rapidly blinked away the image of James’ unruly black hair and sparkling eyes. “Are you ok?”
Lily smiled, trying to shake off the weird feeling surrounding her. “Yeah, you just surprised me.” She took Blake’s free hand and squeezed it tightly. “I think a promise ring is a great idea. Um…” 
He raised an eyebrow as she trailed off. “Is something wrong?” 
Lily bit her lip, glancing up at him. “I don’t want to put the ring on my ring finger if that’s alright with you? You know how my friends are, and I still want to take this slow so -”
“Oh yeah, of course. I wouldn’t expect you to.” Blake grabbed her right hand and put the ring on her ring finger. “We’re taking it slow, I know.” 
Lily pulled him in for a kiss, taking her time to show him how much she appreciated the gesture. The longer kiss was definitely not because she had thought of her ex-boyfriend when she thought her current boyfriend was proposing and she felt guilty. 
XXX
Earlier that afternoon, James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter had rented bikes to go up and down the boardwalk as the sun had gone down. The cool air from the ocean mixing with the heat of the day had made everything seem calm and peaceful amongst an orange sky. Letting the wind push their backs, they took their time biking home. 
XXX
Blake stood up, grabbing Lily’s hand. “Let’s go back to the hotel?” He whispered in her ear, sending goosebumps down her arm. Lily nodded, laying her head on his shoulder as they began the walk back. His fingers wandered down her back, and although at any other time Lily would have loved the attention, tonight, she couldn’t stop comparing Blake with James, and she hated herself for it. The unwanted memory that had popped up had brought emotions she had forgotten about to the surface, and the whole reason she was taking it so slow with Blake in the first place. Pushing the thoughts aside once again, she planted a kiss on Blake’s cheek. 
XXX
Sirius brought his bike to a screeching halt, nearly causing Remus to crash into him. As the rest of them stopped, he reached out with one hand to get James’ attention. “Is that Evans?”
“What?” Peter asked. “Are you out of your mind? We’re in Greece.”
“No, no - over there, by that bench. Is that Evans?”
James’ heart rate quickened, and his breath caught as he caught sight of Lily Evans. There was no doubt in his mind that that was her. Her red hair caught in the golden hour lighting, and her skirt swished around her long legs that he knew so well. Swallowing hard, he shook his head. “Nope, not her.” 
Sirius shot him a pained look. “That’s Evans.” He sat back on his bike and stood up to pedal. “I’m going to go say hi. Oi, Evans!”
“No, Sirius! No!” James called after him, grabbing onto the back of his shirt. “You can’t -”
But it was too late. Lily glanced over her shoulder and spotted the Sirius pedaling towards her, and the three men standing sheepishly behind him. 
“Sirius? What are you doing here?” Lily detached herself from Blake, only holding onto his hand now. As her eyes took in the four men that used to be her best friends, her heart twisted painfully in her chest. When James and Lily had first broken up, they had done their best to stay in touch, but it had gotten too hard for Lily to stay near James, and she had eventually stopped returning their calls. 
“I just couldn’t stay away, Evans,” Sirius smirked, stopping right next to them. He glanced over at Blake and stuck out his hand. “Sirius, Lily’s former friend.”
“I’m Blake, Lily’s boyfriend.” Blake tightened his grip on Lily’s hand, pulling her closer, but shook Sirius’ hand. 
James, Peter, and Remus made their way over, and each introduced themselves to Blake. “How’ve you been, Lily? We haven’t seen much of you lately,” Remus asked. 
“Good!” Lily said quickly, trying to break the awkward tension that hung around them. “I got a new job at Time, so I’m keeping busy.”
“What are you guys doing here?” Peter asked. 
James looked away from Blake and Lily, having not said much. They had broken up over a year ago, and he had gotten over her, but that didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt that she had a boyfriend, and especially since he still couldn’t bring himself to date seriously. 
“Couple’s getaway,” Blake said, kissing her cheek and pulled her even closer. Lily tried to smile, but no longer felt comfortable with him in front of her former friends. “What about you?”
“Remus just finished up his medical school, and the rest of us decided to take a vacation before he went into residency,” Peter said.
“Can I talk to you for a minute, Evans?” Sirius blurted out, eyeing Lily and Blake carefully.  
“Um, yeah sure.” Lily let go of Blake, sending him a quick smile, and followed Sirius a distance off to the side, leaving Blake with the three other men. 
“What’s up?” Lily said, folding her arms and watching Sirius carefully. Knowing him, she knew he wasn’t going to be gentle, so she prepared herself for whatever blunt fact he threw at her. Not being one to hold back, Sirius started talking immediately.
“What’s up with you and Blake? Are you guys engaged?” 
Lily shook her head, holding up her right hand. “Promised, I guess. As of today.”
“Hasn’t it been a year?” 
Lily frowned. “A year isn’t a very long time -”
“And yet when you were with James you were ready to say yes within a year. What’s the difference?”
Lily shrugged. “I guess I learned my lesson. I need more time.”
Sirius rolled his eyes. “That’s bullshit, Lily, and you know it. What’s Blake holding out for?”
“It’s not him that holding out, it’s me,” Lily whispered, her eyes suddenly stinging. Sirius always had a way of making all her emotions come out at once with his honesty. “I’m just not ready for the next step.”
“You mean he’s not James?” 
Lily glared at him. “What are you trying to do Sirius? James and I broke up because James freaked out over marriage, and said he was never ready to get married and didn’t want any type of long term commitment.”
Sirius shrugged. “I’m not trying to do anything. All I know is that it’s been over a year, and James still barely smiles or goes on any dates. You got a boyfriend three months later, Marlene says you aren’t as happy as you were with James, and you don’t even talk to us anymore.”
Lily let a single tear slip out and brushed it away angrily. She looked over her shoulder, at James and Blake, standing side by side, talking politely. “You know I couldn’t hang out with you guys anymore because James is always there.”
Sirius was quiet for a minute. “Come back, Lily.”
“What?” Lily choked out, brushing back another tear. 
“Ditch Blake. You and James are meant to be.” 
Lily swallowed hard. “You’re talking for James? If he wants this, he should man up and come talk to me himself.”
“No, I’m not… he’s not - look all I’m saying is that-”
“I’m with Blake now,” Lily said firmly, pushing a strand of hair out of her face. “James and I are over. I’m not sure how we ended up here, at the same time, but I would really like to just… not see James again.”
Sirius shrugged, turning on his heel. “Fine.”
As they rejoined the group, Blake tucked Lily under his arm. “Everything alright?”
“Yeah, all good,” Lily said, sneaking a glance at James, who was staring at the ground. She waved at Remus and Peter, both standing with their hands shoved in their pockets. “I’ll see you later, I guess.” 
They murmured their goodbyes, and then Lily and Blake walked quickly away. As they made their way to the hotel room, Lily checked her phone and saw that Marlene had called her. 
“Hey, Marly called, I’ll be right in,” She told Blake, and made her way down the elevator and into the hotel lobby before she called. 
“Hey Mar, did you call me?”
“Yeah, Sirius just called me. Said you might need some help. What’s up?” 
“Huh, that’s surprising coming from Sirius. Did he tell you what happened?” Lily collapsed heavily on a plush red chair. 
“That you saw each other on the boardwalk in Greece, but that was it.”
“He thinks I should get back together with James.”
“What?” Marlene shrieked so loudly that Lily had to pull the phone away from her ear. “James wants to get back together?”
“No, no. At least, I don’t think so. Did you tell Sirius that I’m not happy?”
The other end of the line was quiet. 
“Marlene.” 
“Ok, don’t get mad at me, but he called like two months ago? Just to catch up, you know, and I might have mentioned that you were happier with James than you are with Blake.”
Lily wanted to reach through the phone and strangle Marlene. “What does that even mean?” 
“It means that Blake is nice and all, but you and James… you guys were just meant for each other.”
Lily groaned, leaning back, and kicking her feet up on the coffee table. “I’m so confused Marlene.”
“Wait, you’re actually considering this?”
“No, yes, well, no, definitely not, but I thought I saw James earlier today, and then Blake gave me a promise ring, but there was this moment James popped into my head during that and I haven’t been able to shake it all day, and I love Blake and I don’t even know if James loves me anymore, and I can’t just leave Blake because he wants to get married and James doesn’t and -”
“Lily, Lily, Lily, can you please just calm down for a minute? “Look, James wasn’t ready back then. But maybe he is now. And I know you love Blake but are you completely over James? In my opinion - Look, you got together with Blake three months after you guys broke up. I don’t really think you were ever over James.”
“You’re just telling me this now?” Lily sighed. “So what do you think I should do?”
“Call James.” 
“Are you out of your mind? While I’m with Blake?”
“Lily, sometimes you are too good for your own good.” Lily could practically see Marlene’s face through the phone, exasperated and impressed. “You can explain to him later. But you never know what could happen. If anything, it will get you some closure.”
Lily sighed again, sweeping her fingers through her hair. “Fine. See you in a few days.”
After hanging up, she pulled up James’ contact information and set the phone on her lap. She sat staring at the phone for almost half an hour, tapping her finger on it occasionally as the screen went dark. Her brain was a jumbled mess. 
When she had first met Blake, it had been an accident. Marlene had invited Lily to a party but had left twenty minutes in, leaving Lily alone. Blake had taken pity on her and talked to her for most of the night, and before Lily really thought about it, they were dating. Thinking back, Lily wasn’t even sure that she had consciously made a decision to date him, it had just kind of… happened. Obviously, that wasn’t the start to a healthy relationship, but Lily, still in a James induced post-breakup fog, wasn’t thinking straight. 
The more Lily thought about it, she more she realized that she hadn’t been entirely truthful to Blake, not that she had even known. At the beginning of the relationship, she still loved James, and if she was completely honest with herself, she still did. 
Admitting that simple fact, that yes, Lily Evans, still loved James Potter, gave Lily more questions than answers. What if James didn’t love her anymore? Had he gotten over her? Was Sirius right? And if Marlene and Sirius were right about James being ready to move forward, what was Lily going to do about it?
Before Lily could do anything, Lily’s phone lit up with a text from Blake. 
wya?
A second later, her screen changed, indicating a call from James. Heart racing, Lily picked up the phone, at war with herself over what to do. Squeezing her eyes shut as if she could block out the ringing, Lily tapped the green button and pressed the phone to her ear.  
“Hello?” She said softly. 
“Hey,” James murmured. There was some shuffling on his end of the line, and then silence. “Um, Sirius said you needed to talk to me?”
“That bastard,” she swore, sitting back in the chair. 
James breathed heavily on the other side of the phone, and Lily could picture him running his hands through his hair in the angry way that he so often did. “So you didn’t need to talk to me?”
“Um, no. Yes - I mean, no, not really.”
James stayed silent on the other end, knowing that she needed a minute before she could speak. 
Lily bit her lip again, bouncing her knee up and down. “Sirius told me that you haven’t been yourself lately.”
James cursed bitterly again and Lily instantly felt bad. She hadn’t meant to start so abruptly, and that wasn’t she even wanted to talk about. “He said that? Things have just been really busy at work lately, and you know my parents are getting older. I guess I’m just a little stressed. I’m fine.”
Lily nodded, even though he couldn’t see her. “That’s not what I wanted to talk about, actually.” She took a deep breath as if to say something, but couldn’t form the words of what she actually wanted to say. 
“Ok, I’m listening…”
“Do you still love me?” Lily cursed herself for starting so abruptly again, but kept talking anyway. “Don’t answer that. I mean, when I first started dating Blake, I still loved you. And seeing you today, and talking to Sirius, made me realize that… I might still love you.”
“Fuck Lily, I - you can’t just come out of left field and say that. You - We broke up over a year ago and I - you broke it off because I was scared, how are you still - why would you still love me?” Lily could hear James’ anger in his voice. “You wanted marriage, and I wasn’t ready for it, so you broke it off. And now you want it again?”
Lily’s throat clenched, and she swallowed tightly. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”
“Do you love Blake? He seems like a nice enough guy.”
“Yes,” Lily whispered.
“Then it seems like you have a problem.” James' voice was hard and cold. “I’m not your second option Lily, and you weren’t willing to just wait  -”
“What do you want now, James?” Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. “Do you still love me?” 
The question hung between them, fraught with tension and longing. It was silent on both ends, and Lily let out a silent, shaky, breath. 
“No. It’s too late. I - sorry.” 
Lily had to hold the phone away as she felt tears stream down her face. “Alright. I guess I’ll see you around.”
“Yeah. Bye.” James hung up, and Lily stifled a sob through her hand. The hotel receptionist sitting on the other side of the lobby cast her a sympathetic look, and Lily realized that she hadn’t exactly been quiet while talking to James. Wiping her eyes, she straightened out her shirt, stood up, and walked back to the hotel room. 
XXX
Lily was able to successfully avoid any questions about her phone call when she returned to Blake but spent the rest of the trip trying to stay as positive as she could. Two days after seeing James and Sirius, Lily and Blake were packing up to return home. 
As Lily haphazardly tucked the last of her swimsuits into her suitcase, Blake wrapped his arms around her from behind, lifting her off her feet for a second. Lily laughed, using one hand to push him off while she used the other to zip the suitcase. She turned around in his arms, giving him a quick kiss before dodging his next attempt.
Blake righted her suitcase, then turned around, folding his arms. “Is everything ok with you? You seem… off.”
Lily flashed a small smile. “I think I’m just a little jetlagged. It’s finally catching up to me.”
Blake raised his eyebrows. “C’mon Lily, I know you better than that. What’s really wrong? Is it the promise ring? Was it too fast? We can always -”
“No, no - I just - Seeing James here really surprised me. It kind of threw me for a loop for a minute.”
“Oh.” Blake took a step back, looking disappointed. “A lot of people told me that you weren’t over him yet when we started dating.” Lily’s eyes darted up to look at him. “I didn’t want to believe it because -”
“Blake.” Lily took a deep breath, stopping him before he could say anything else that hit too close to home. “Looking back on it, I don’t think I was a hundred percent over him before we started dating but I didn’t realize it at the time.”
“So… I’m a rebound?”
“No! I mean, no - I always wanted to be serious.”
Blake took in a big breath, leaning back against the wall behind him. “Were you only interested in me because I eventually wanted to get married? I mean that’s why you broke up with James, right? Because he didn’t want to get married?” Lily felt his eyes bore into her and she shut her eyes tightly. When she didn’t reply, he said quietly “Talk to me, Lily. Do you still love him?”
Lily’s chest felt like it had been wrenched open and her heart had been smashed to pieces. Because it was true. She was still in love with James, despite ignoring it for the better part of a year, and seeing him again had opened that hole in her heart once again. 
“Maybe we should just go home. I think we’re both a little jet-lagged -”
“Damn it, Lily, just tell me!”
Lily threw her hands into the air, shrugging. “I don’t know! I thought I was way past it, I was in love with you, and then I saw James and now…”
“You love James again.”
Lily stayed quiet while Blake moved to sit behind her on the bed. Voice cracking, Lily said, “Maybe we should take a break.”
“If you still love him… I think this is over, Lily.”
“No - Blake, I don’t - Give me a week, and I’ll-” Lily stopped herself. Looking at her current situation, Lily couldn’t see herself marrying Blake, and James wasn’t going to talk to her again. There was no way a ‘break’ could make any of this work out, and she needed to move on - from Blake and James - and accept it. “I’m sorry,” she choked out, tucking a strand of loose hair back. 
“Me too,” Blake said quietly. “Was any of it even real for you? Or did I just waste a year of my life?”
“It was real, all of it.” Lily smiled through her tears, standing up and giving him a hug. “I’m sorry it ended here.”
Blake broke the hug rather abruptly, brushing a tear back himself. “I’ll uh… catch the first flight back. Goodbye, Lily.” He grabbed his suitcase, gave her one last quick smile, and walked out the door. 
And just like that, Lily was alone, in a lonely hotel room, on the other side of the world as her friends. 
As soon as the door closed, Lily fell back on the bed, using a pillow to muffle her sobs. She cried so hard that she could barely breathe, gasping for air through the wave of tears and snot rolling down her face. 
It must have been hours before she was finally able to pull herself together enough to remember that she was had a flight to catch. Assuming Blake had already caught a flight, she was going to be able to take their already scheduled flight home. She pulled up the boarding pass on her phone and realized that the plane was scheduled to leave in less than an hour. 
Checking the time was enough to almost make her start crying again, but she was drained, and no more tears came out. Instead, she stumbled her way into the bathroom, where she stripped off her clothes and turned on a cold shower. 
Over an hour later, her face still red and puffy, she emerged from the bathroom, dressed in loose shorts and a t-shirt. She grabbed her phone, took a steadying breath, and dialed Marlene, who promptly answered. 
“Hey! Did you talk with James yet?” Her bright cheery voice made her burst into tears immediately. Trying to cover her sniffles, she tried to answer, but when nothing came out, she hung up the phone and tossed it onto the bed. Marlene was going to kill her for it later, but she couldn’t care less at the moment. 
Lily forced herself to drink a huge bottle of water to try to calm her pounding head and rehydrate after crying so hard. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she evaluated her options. All in all, she really only had one: book a flight home. 
But like Marlene had said, sometimes Lily was ‘too good for her own good’, so Lily decided to add a completely out of the blue second option: not go home yet. She couldn’t go home yet - Marlene and Dorcas would want to try to persuade her to get back together with James or Blake, and would refuse to accept Lily’s decision for at least a few days. Right now, Lily couldn’t handle that when she didn’t even know what she wanted for herself. She knew she couldn’t be with Blake, and although she was still in love with James, he had made it clear that it was too late. And even if it wasn’t, how would they pick up the pieces of what they had together? 
Opening her phone back up to see eight missed calls from Marlene, four from Dorcas, and two from Sirius, nearly threw Lily for a loop again. She bit down hard on her lip to check her emotions, opened her browser, and booked a cheap hotel in Athens for two more nights. She didn’t have to checkout for another three hours, which meant she still had a little bit of time to kill before she needed to leave. 
As her phone lit up again with a call from Marlene, she glanced in the mirror to see that her face, for the most part, had returned to normal. She switched her phone to airplane mode, pulled on her shoes, and walked out the door. 
And right into James. 
“James? What are you doing -”
“Why aren’t you answering anyone’s calls? Marlene has called me three times now to ask if she’s seen you,” He said flatly, arms folded against his chest. His face looked tired, and his hair more scrambled than usual. 
Lily took a small step back, looking down at her feet. “Blake and I broke up. I’m actually about to head home right now”
“Without your suitcase?”
Lily opened her mouth, ready to lie, but she knew James could see right through her, like he had always been able to. “Plane doesn’t leave for a few hours.”
“Why did you two break up?” 
Lily leaned against the doorway. “We… things were moving too fast for me. And I wasn’t-” She rolled her eyes, sighing. “You already know the rest, I guess.”
“And now you’re just going back home?” His tone was even colder than before, and he looked angry. 
Lily shot him a look. “Why did you say it like that?”
James took a step towards her, lowering his voice. “You’re just going to give up?”
“What do you mean give up? I realized that I wasn’t being honest to Blake, even if I didn’t realize it. So, we ended it.”
“And that it’s?”
“What do you want me to say?”
“You’re always the good girl, Evans, the one who always does the right thing, even when it hurts you. Why didn’t you just keep Blake and do the wrong thing for once in your life?”
Lily stepped back bewildered. “Are you serious?” Her voice raised a notch. James glanced down the hallway as a family walked by them, and pushed both of them inside, closing the door behind them. Lily continued. “Why do you even care? I made the right decision, and now I’m moving on. And for the record, I’m not doing the right thing here. I’m not going home.”
“What?” James asked, as if he hadn’t heard correctly. 
Now, Lily felt stupid. “I mean, I am, just… I decided to take a detour to Athens before I go back.” She paused, not knowing what to say next. “Why does it really matter that I did the right thing here? I’m confused.”
“Because - this would all be a lot easier if you just… stayed with him.” His eyes were downcast, and Lily suddenly realized what he was trying to say. 
“Because then it would be an easier decision for you?” She whispered. His eyes shot up to meet hers and he thrust a hand in his hair. He shrugged. 
“You left me, Lil, after one of the best years of my life. And you moved on so quick, and I thought I could never be that happy again.” When he looked up at Lily again, her heart wanted to break all over again. His face was so troubled and shattered, and it was clear that he was in pain. “If you were still together with him, I could have just checked on you and left.” His voice choked a little and he threw his hands in the air. 
“What do you want me to say, James? You freaked out - in a major way - after I mentioned marriage once, and then went AWOL on me.”
James tipped his head back, leaning into his heels. “I messed up, okay? I never pictured myself getting married when I was little because I was always with Sirius, and we never thought about the future. It wasn’t on my radar.”
“Then why were we even dating?” Lily could understand that he hadn’t thought it about marriage a lot. James wasn’t the type to get caught up in romantic daydreams, he liked to do things headfirst, and think later. But what had hurt Lily so much a year ago was that he didn’t think about the future of them together.
“Because I’ve been in love with you since we were eighteen, Evans!” James burst out. “I’ve always loved you, and -”
Lily stood up, taking one small step towards him. When he didn’t move, she took another, and another until she was close enough to feel his heat. “Does it still scare you?”
James looked down at her, glancing at her lips, then looked up to the ceiling, tipping his head back. Lily held her breath. He released his breath slowly, lowering his head so that he was looking directly at her. “No.”
Lily didn’t move, not sure that she was comprehending what was happening. She didn’t want to make a move if he didn’t want it, so she stayed frozen in place, staring at James’ hazel eyes. James inched forward so that their fronts were touching, glancing down at her lips once more. An instant later, Lily grabbed his shirt and pulled him to her, crashing her lips onto his, and wrapping her arms around his neck to pull him down to her level. He responded instantly, leaning into her and putting steady pressure on her hips with his hands. Lily took a step forward, forcing him backward until he was leaning against the wall. She used one hand to thread through his soft hair - something she had missed more than a little since they had broken up, and used the other to feel the strong muscles in his back.
A second later, James flipped them around so that Lily was the one against the wall. He pulled away for a second to catch his breath and used his arm to prop himself against the wall, still inches from Lily’s head. 
“We’re really doing this?” Lily asked, letting her hands trail from James’ back to his front, up to his chest, and back into his hair. 
“Oh, hell yes,” James sighed, lips crashing down onto hers once more. Lily grinned at his eagerness, biting down softly on his lower lip. He groaned and reached down to grab her legs. She settled on his hips, pressed against the wall, just slightly taller than him. He used the height to litter her neck with kisses, and Lily knew that she would have more than a few marks in a couple of hours. 
James pulled them off the wall and lowered her down onto the bed. As Lily fell back, James stood over her, reaching up to pull off his shirt. He had just leaned down to kiss her, her nails gently scratching his tan skin, when he stopped. 
“James?”
“You were here. With Blake. In this bed.” His eyes clouded heavily, and although he was still on top of her, he lifted himself a few inches from her. 
Lily let her head fall back into the bed and closed her eyes. “I -”
“It’s fine, Lil, it’s not a big deal. Your choice of what you want to do with your body. But…”
“You don’t want to stay in the same room,” Lily finished. She sat up, and James rolled to the other side of the bed. Straightening her shirt, she tucked a loose piece of hair back. “Maybe it’s a good idea that we don’t rush right into this.”
He sat up next to her, their shoulders just brushing. “I mean, you did break up with him… three hours ago?”
Lily smiled, although a little guilt crept into her. “Almost four. But yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“We’ll get back to London, and figure everything out there. I think we both need some time before we go back to how it was.”
“Hmm,” James murmured, leaning over to kiss her again.
“Want to go to Athens?” Lily said, pulling away once again. “I mean, I know we’re not trying to rush anything, but I did book a hotel and I already paid for it, and checkout is in shit - fifteen minutes - so -”
“Lily, hey Lily!” James cut off her ramble, laughing. “Yes, yes, I’ll go to Athens with you. We don’t have to go slow on everything.”
Lily gave him a devious look and kissed him once again. James pulled away, laughing a few minutes later, checking his watch. “I uh... I better give the guys an update if I’m leaving mid-trip. I gotta cancel a flight, tell the guys, and pack my bags.” 
Lily pecked him once again but stood up. “I should probably call Marlene and tell her I’m okay.”
“I bet twenty bucks she won’t forgive you for a week.”
Lily grinned, picking up her phone. “Hm. Well, when I tell her I got back together with you, she is going to literally knock Dorcas out with her screaming.”
James opened the hotel door, tousling his hair with one hand. He leaned over and gave Lily another deep kiss, and when he finally pulled away, he winked. “Poor Dorcas.”
“Hm,” Lily murmured, swaying into him as he kissed her neck. Then, laughing gently, she pulled away, pushing on his chest gently. “Go, go tell Sirius that I’m fine. I’ll call Marlene, and meet you out front in an hour.”
“Sounds good.” James kissed her once more. “See you in a bit.”
As James walked down the hallway, Lily quietly closed the door. She collapsed on the bed, picked up her phone and dialed Marlene. The sudden changes - breaking up with Blake, getting back together with James - would take some getting used to, but the instant James had come into her hotel room, she felt a thousand times more comfortable than she ever had with Blake. And with that happy feeling, Lily gathered the last of her things, checked out of the hotel room, and went to go meet her boyfriend.
read on Ao3!
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survivor-mesopotamia · 4 years ago
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Ep. #4 - “I’m extending a bridge to you” (Zach)
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There is zero upside to being captain. If captains are swapped, then I'm basically screwed, and if they pick, then I have to reveal my allegiances to people still in the game. I absolutely do not want to be captain. I'm not crazy about Zach being it either, I'd prefer it to be someone like Kyle or Grace, but if Zach is going to push for it we will see what happens
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https://youtu.be/9jTSUqwcuPU Confessional 7 (Round 3 #2)
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Voting out Chrissa was probably one of the hardest votes I've ever had to encountered, and it honestly really hurts. For me, voting her out was the best strategically because we talked the least. And by the time tribal started, I ended up in alliances of 3 with Will & Megan and JJ & Julian respectively. Given the ranking system, we are all expecting some sort of tribe swap, which might be best for my game so long as I have someone else on my tribe with me. However, JJ recently got into a lot of trouble. Stuff about sending nudes because he "perceived there to be consent". Yikes. Apparently other people know about it too, which makes sense because this call happened in tengaged about it. We are thinking he might be removed, but we don't know what's to happen yet. I think most of us are running under the assumption that he'd be voted out next tribal should he not be removed. It's pretty gross what he did, and I definitely won't be aligned with him any longer. 
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTzwD-rR8Ws&feature=youtu.be
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I am happy JJ is out of the game, both because he deserves it based on his behavior and because one less number. The tribe challenge has me worried. I hope it is a challenge with Zach representing us, because he is good and it also keeps him a bigger target than me. If it's a swap, I'm very nervous and will probably have to paint myself as being on the outs if I end up in a minority, which would almost certainly happen relative to the other two tribes. No matter what, the backstabbing is probably going to start very soon, so buckle your seatbelts everyone.
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Confessional 9: https://youtu.be/WhBt-uWOdEA Confessional 10: https://youtu.be/1ZbVWE-2AqM
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volunteering for the summit bc im bored and wanna just be a bit risky. i feel like if a twist gets leashed upon me, it'll be surface level. Praying for the best!
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Tribe Summit - https://youtu.be/46NdXf1N37U
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeX4PKTjQlw&feature=youtu.be
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https://youtu.be/96RCT99DDWI Confessional #8 (Round 4 Confessional #1) Contents: JJ's removal, the summit, Kyle's removal, new tribe.
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Holy shit so we've had a tribe swap and two removals. Both kinda shocking and completely out of the blue what had happened. Oddly still not the craziest thing I've seen done on either end of org playing but still. So far with the new tribe I feel I got the good end of the stick with zach and Collin and myself staying together for the most part kinda wish we had all stayed together because of you know being out numbered by returning players there's the enitial Holy shit fuck I'm screwed feeling but so far the tribe seems pretty cool. Which is odd and weird from what I've heard for Tumblr games from my understanding they're the more cutthroat game but so far everything has kinda been predictable in placements just as an outsider looking in but ya know. So far I'm really enjoying Abby she seems pretty cool and like I could work with her for a while but yeah that's all for now
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post swap BIG boy confessional https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyooK5AHp1Y&feature=youtu.be
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https://youtu.be/6IrXzJm6qNk
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https://youtu.be/MoJSBeUUdWQ
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https://youtu.be/CSKB4qzvWU0 Group Confessional #1 Catching up on Each other's games and preparing for what the swap has in store for us
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Uhm hi so a lot has happened and I'm sorry I didn't do confessionals before describing it all but yah -Not sure if I did a conf for the last round but basically the challenge was more flash games (yay fml) and my tribe flopped yet again (yay) -We decided to vote out chrissa unan but chrissa apparently voted for me so that was cute, already breaking my goal of not getting votes so early THANKS CHRISSA -Then JJ got removed from the game for sexually harassing ppl which is NOT COOl but then my tribe was down to four members and thats just sad luv -Then there was a random ass ranking for this summit thing and i was like wtf i dont know but I kinda figured id be getting voted as the team captain for my tribe which like eeeek could potentially put a target on my back but also i like these people and i think they like me so i'll just accept it -turns out the other tribe captains voted in were Johnny and Zach and I was like well thats cute tbh i think i like both of them (i have been on zoom calls in friend groups with zachary lately and although he is pretty quiet he seems like a nice person) (and i think i know johnny from a sequester mini before and hes a brother of aepi which is basically the partner fraternity to the sorority i was in called aephi and so were basically connected by greek life blood because hes a pi and im a phi and yas Jews -Okay anyway i volunteer to not be a tribe captain because 1. i didnt want the blood on my hands for picking a tribe (memories of svalbard ahhhh) and 2. i wanted to be on johnny's tribe hehehehe. so i did that and then i let johnny pick first and guess what!! he picked me first on his tribe!! even before anyone from his og tribe!! i thought that was weird but really cool -the new tribe seemed pretty cool and chill and i thought i was digging everyone BUT THEN kyle makes fucking COMMENTS ABOUT JEW STEREOTYPES and i was like SIR and i kinda missed everything in the heat of the moment but basically kyle got removed and im not surprised he did because to my knowledge, i already know of three fkn jews on our tribe (benji me and johnny) and we have a jew host so like why kyle would make comments like that is beyond me but WHY DO I KEEP GETTING PUT ON TRIBES WITH CRAZY PPL -anyway right now i adore johnny and i want to work with him i feel like he and i vibe so well together and we are already planning on making a stoner alliance with abi and jay from his OG tribe lmfaooo -i also like grace and julian on my tribe and benji so far is really cool and isabelle is a sweetheart so i really just hope we dont lose the next challenge and have to vote someone out because i like these people so far and i wanna get to know them more -this has been a really mentally difficult week both in game and in real life and im sorry i havent been doing more confessionals but ive really just needed a huge break due to everything thats been going on 
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I've locked in a five person alliance with original An (Johnny Isabelle and Benji), plus Adam. Johnny I'm connected to with Trace, Isabelle and I somehow both go to Georgetown, and I like speaking with Benji. I don't know how this alliance interacts with original alliance, that's future me's problem, but I really like this group
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If Megan “may have accidentally” found out information from the other tribe, then I “may have accidentally” decided to shift the target onto her. Somebody not purely abiding by the rules of the game is somebody I won’t completely trust
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So JJ and Kyle both got removed. OOP!!! Now to figure out how messy this game is gonna be. Will Will and I be able to play middle for our first tribal and get to choose between returnees and newbies? hopefully. More on that scoop later! 
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https://youtu.be/vGd9Ik49CmU Confessional #10 (Round 4 Confessional #3)
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stpzz7-cKUg
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Confessional 11: https://youtu.be/ad2R99H1g1k
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https://youtu.be/PjodrB6CgLo
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https://youtu.be/y0n7YKB0EF0
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NOOOOOOO HOW COULD WE OF LOST we had everything planned i do feel kinda safe I've talked to abby mostly and i think i have a girls alliance in the works with her but for now being the only two female identifying people on the tribe. We have to pull in some boys but we've got our old tribe mates which lucky for me is my main alliance from that tribe not having Michael is a big yay because love him but pretty sure he was planning on flipping on us to work with some people from the an tribe but ya know it is what it is and hopefully this is the only trival Council we have to go to and hopefully from the sounds of it it's Eric going home so hopefully that's the case and i don't end up voinv home because FYCUCJUCK THAT SHIT
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9YueU_paNg&feature=youtu.be
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Of the players left on my tribe, I think Megan is the biggest threat to my game, with many cross-tribe ties. Last night, I began laying the groundwork with Johnny of eventually making her the target, without expressly stating my desire to vote her out. We'll see how this plays out, but I want Megan out first
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From the other tribe, I badly want an original An to go. It takes away an option from the Ans on my swap tribe and locks them in more with me, while preserving my options. On the flip side, a Triforce member going is the worst case scenario for the exact same reason as above, this time benefiting original An. Original Enlil going is fairly neutral
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https://youtu.be/7IpJ1SC2ah8
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So we lost :( It really sucks bc i put more effort into my lip sync than I think I ever have before. And of course with losing comes tribal, the first tribal for some people on my new tribe. I don't think I've done a confessional since we swapped so I'll just run down how I feel about everyone. Monty/Abby - Just gonna bunch these two together since they were on my original tribe. While they weren't in my alliance, I bonded with them like I bonded with everyone on An. We made an alliance immediately at Ea and I feel real good about facing this swap with them. Part of me does worry they knew about that original alliance and they'll throw me under the bus though. Will - Okay so I was completely blindsided by the fact that I already knew Will before the game! We played at least 1 ORG together and I remember him a little bit from just being in the community. I feel like I've really hit it off with him again and working with him feels natural. He was the first one who threw Cameron out as a vote to me last night and a lot of people really latched onto that plan. So he's definitely charismatic and influential. Eric - I've known Eric for quite some time actually. He's someone who's very easy for me to trust. Like I really hope I'm not getting the wrong read on him but he just feels honest in our conversations. He did kinda suck in the music video challenge tho LOL so I feel like he could be in danger if we go to tribal again. Cameron - They're who I'm voting out tonight. I've had no contact with them outside of the tribe chat at all. And our interactions in the tribe chat I just feel...idk like every time I talk they give me some snide remark. Zach even told me that Cameron barely spoke to him and Collin on their original tribe. So it just feels easy, if a bit TOO easy, like I'm scared it's secretly me somehow. So I guess the upside to anxiety is you never get blindsided cuz you always think it's you. Zach - I've been talking to him more often these last few days and he is wayyy smarter than most 15 year olds I've interacted with. He knew it was Cameron immediately when I started talking to him about the vote (Though I suspect it's because Will told him). He's told me more info about his original tribe than I really thought I'd get out of him. He's basically telling me that it was Zach/Collin/Kyle vs. Cameron/The rest of the newbies. So like it makes sense that he's willing to just let Cameron go. However this situation is worrying because Zach's position is almost EXACTLY my position in a game I played very recently (703 San Andres). I've seen firsthand how a competent duo in the minority can upset the majority if just one person in that majority makes a mistake. So I'm not gonna promise Zach anything just yet, I don't want him to sell me out. But I would like to see him stick around even if we lose another time. Collin - Okay I REALLY like Collin. He's super nice, he basically compliments me every time I talk to him. Which is nice, but I know he's playing that social game. And he's playing it WELL. I think if all goes well at tribal, then I'm gonna talk to Collin about really working together going forward. Basically my overarching plan on this tribe has been to make sure that if my name comes up, there will always be someone to shut it down. And I really feel like Collin, Monty, and Eric would especially keep me safe. 
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Cameron left.......it sucks, because it takes away my options, but among the Enki's it is the least bad scenario, since I was closer with Collin and Zach. I don't hold it against them for voting against Cameron, do what you gotta do, but I am nervous for them. I'm not throwing any challenges or anything, but I hope they survive, and I'm less nervous about myself losing than them
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kWts3h2n9s
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hi hi hi so far so good on the Ea tribe! i dont think anyone know about zach and i so we're remaining in the clear hehe (he has been a little difficult to corral tho) i feel like im making good connections so far so hopefully ill remain utr and if we go back to tribal i wont be a target, and if we dont i hope the other tribe takes out a big target for us
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Have I mentioned that I love winning? It's just so great that nobody knows me and Monty are working together and we're subtly pulling the strings - Jay thinks he came up with Cameron's name, great he's the mastermind now and we can target him. Collin and Zach want to form a four with me and Eric - great, that keeps me and Monty apart so nobody will know and we can still vote separately. Eric's an easy target for everyone so we (Monty) just get the other returnees to target him (if we lose again) and then I can use that to flip Eric on Abby or Jay and it's just... so delicious. It's so easy to take everyone out one by one when nobody knows that you have a solid F2 already.
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https://youtu.be/CVG2Z_-XjBM from this past round
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https://youtu.be/yMGLsGhv6wc Confessional 12
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https://youtu.be/ylahV3wyXrs
Cameron voted out 7-1
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