#HES A HAZARD TO SOCIETY!!!!!!!

[dootznbootz]

I've been seeing some shit on how certain folks apparently think it's like, surprising that Penelope just accepted Odysseus and all the stuff he's done without question and/or disappointment in Would You Fall in Love With Me Again when like... Not only against Odyssey!Penelope but ALSO Epic's. We may have only gotten 2 songs it's still a concept album. THERE'S STILL TIME! of the real Penelope in Epic but like, even then we can see that she's equally as wild

[mylordshesacactus]

Today as their christmas present (to ourselves. tired dogs.) we took the kids to a brand new sniffspot.

I threw a stick for K'seil and it ended up going very high, flipping beautifully end-over-end as it fell to earth in a perfect arc and landed with a loud CLONK directly on top of Hazard's big ole head.

anyway i had to make a run to petco to buy him one of those big menorah cookies as an apology.

[hazard-and-friends]

since we’re doing this, let’s add Hazard (a sort of domesticated demon)

Hazard is approximately half shar pei and half cattle dog, to everyone’s regret. he has strong prey drive through chasing but won’t kill an animal on purpose. he comes with herding instinct. stresses up very easily about anything. comes with separation anxiety, stranger danger, dog-dog reactivity, and body handling issues. very handler sensitive but not at all inclined to look to you for input.

[narastories]

Tea time with Hassel is fucking wild. So far he told the director that:

- he bought a random woman a rose because it matched her clothes, then he was surprised when she came by the next day to ask him out? He then made a scene and demanded the rose back??

- he likes clean things because it's fun to make them dirty ??!?!?

- we're not getting rid of him unless the director personally sends him away ...

That last one btw was extra hilarious bc I was too lazy to look at recipes, so I was like eh let's make it super strong, let's put this salted plum in it too that's going to be disgusting (aka match his personality) and then he apparently was like yum you get an interaction and also you're not getting rid of me now lol

[burntbagelvibes]

Rodents can be peoples too…..they wouldn’t be good at it but still

[aaaagggg]

Eclipse as some sort of werecoyote. I just heard the words " at this point coyotes are doing well out spite. " and my brain went " like tsams Eclipse?" And so werecoyote Eclipse.

[notebookroom]

some old FNAF AR gijinka Firework Freddy

[disappointment-comics]

something to be said about bakugou getting the Troubled Teen Industry redemption treatment. like of course he deserved to be corrected for his early series behaviour but. some of y’all just wanna see “bad” kids get their “comeuppance”

[spacestation-l7]

Guess who just watched Father Ted for priest content and ended up loving it!!

[ourple-octoling]

What are some weird interests or hobbies you have that people probably wouldn't expect you to have?

questions for muses or whatever

"I guess playin' the sax and making resin jewelry and art? Granted, I haven't touched my saxophone in years-- So my skills are kinda rusty. As for the resin stuff, my mom liked that and she also sells the jewelry within the store... And I kinda picked up the progress she didn't finish. I eventually grew to like it."

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Describing the Robin suit as 'pint-sized hazard colors' is brilliant

Damian: If a villain got to you, I'd hunt them down to the ends of the earth so they could face justice.

Jason: If you asked, I would kill every person in this room without a second thought.

Bruce and Dick:

Tim, thouroughly disturbed and a little scared: ...you guys know normal siblings don't say these things to each other right?

[cloudbattrolls]

On a less cursed note, I only realized when they met but Jamie is basically It's On Sight, Bitch with Hazard purely because he is offended on a nerd level that Hazard knows more than him about some things.

Hazard meanwhile does not care about that and is just trying to avoid an argument or offending Velour as Velour talks about his products and he isn't really interested.

[hazard-and-friends]

Pictured: A delicate little flower princess who did this every. single. time.

His paws aren't burnt or injured or anything, the path was warm but not burning, we've had multiple rest and water breaks. He just says it's hot and sunny and the correct thing to do is take a nap in the mud in the shade until it stops being so hot. boss. :c boss why are you not listening to me. boss. boss it's hooooot boss.

This is where he wants to be:

[spokenfromtheheartandsoul]

idk man like imagine how tired you'd be if YOU had to move to an entirely new place and start all over. not even because of the occupational hazards of your job which would have at least been expected if not reasonable (see: assassins) but instead because your trigger-happy younger brother decided to add live props to an impassioned karaoke performance on a whim and now you've found yourself a co-owner AND manager AND chef to an entire burger restaurant establishment. where the total number of employees other than yourself is a grand total of one (1) aka the same younger brother who has never touched a spatula in his life. and now you're just trying to make decent burgers while settling in to your new neighborhood and stay under the radar while your brother insists on exploring his sense of fashion by dressing in the brightest colors and prints known to man immediately following shifts at your real job (see: ASSASSINS) because it's not like it requires blending into society or anything. and then right when you think you're finally going to have a nice and peaceful friday night at home you get rear-ended by an unhinged and unnecessarily attractive mechanic who insists on fixing your jeep for free but is also SO maddeningly infuriating to interact with that you begin to question whether the free service is worth your sanity. because upon returning to pick up your car the Unhinged Mechanic begins an entirely unprompted striptease to reveal to you that he has - for reasons beyond your comprehension - decided to steal your burger pin. and then he starts going off about his sensitive nipples while he makes YOU take it off of him. and then as if all of THAT wasn't enough you also come home to find your younger brother delightedly getting groped in front of god and your respectable burger establishment in broad daylight while he nuzzles and adoringly stares into the eyes of the exact same cocky one-night-stand you EXPLICITLY warned him to stay away from. and then to top it all off the Unhinged Mechanic has now inexplicably shown up at your closed restaurant and has the audacity to demand service in return for having had to repair the jeep that HE damaged in the first place. because apparently the best place to have a beer is your CLOSED burger restaurant. and although you feel like your actions would be very justified in doing so, you somehow manage to refrain from killing him on sight because you are a Good and Reasonable Assassin. but this also means having to endure watching Unhinged Mechanic down no less than nine beers in one go all while he antagonizes you. and right when you finally decide to put your foot down and kick him out the Unhinged Mechanic decides that THAT is the perfect time to make a move on you. so now not only are you both exhausted and irritated and confused but ALSO sexually frustrated while having to forcibly remove him from your premises by his feet. imagine that. imagine you have to deal with ALL that in the span of 1 week without losing it and somehow YOU'RE the unreasonable and rigid one??????

[4typercent]

The house on fire is his dating history

Dont ask , i was bored

[iamumbra195]

School Bus Graveyard incorrect quotes because I'm bored

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Taylor: Look how creepy it is looking down this hallway.

Ashlyn: I'm gonna get vertigo.

Aiden: I'm a Virgo!

Tyler, deadpan: No, you're a virgin.

...

Aiden: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Tyler: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Aiden: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING ASHLYN WITH ME

Logan, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

...

Taylor: Why is Tyler so upset?

Logan: He took one of those “Which Character Are You?” quizzes

Taylor: And...?

Logan: He got Aiden.

...

Ashlyn: What did you do with the phantom's body?

Aiden: What didn’t I do with the body?

Everyone:

Aiden: Okay, that sounded more sexual than I intended. I disposed of the phantom respectfully.

...

Aiden: Here’s a fun Christmas idea. We hang mistletoe, but instead of kissing, you have to FIGHT whoever else is under it.

Logan: Aiden, no.

Ben, with text to speech: Mistlefoe.

Logan: Please stop encouraging him.

...

Taylor: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth?

Tyler: You’re a hazard to society

Aiden: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

...

Emma, trying to be nice to Ashlyn's new friends: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Mike, excited for his daughter: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

...

Logan: What's a word thats a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?

Ben: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-

Aiden: Smad.

...

Ashlyn: Why are you on the floor?

Aiden: I'm depressed.

Aiden: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ben, please.

...

Taylor: Aiden and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us

Ashlyn, sighing: What did he do?

Taylor: he chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...

Aiden: Who wants a steering wheel?

...

Aiden: If I accidentally sat on a voodoo doll of myself, would I be trapped forever in that position, doomed to starve to death?

Logan: How am I supposed to know?

Tyler: You say that as if we don’t use you as a source of knowledge of the occult.

Logan: ...You wouldn't be trapped.

...

Ashlyn: Tyler, keep an eye on Aiden today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched.

Tyler: Sure, I’d love to see him get punched.

Ashlyn: Try again.

Tyler, sighing: I will stop Aiden from getting punched.

...

Aiden, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him

Tyler: You did WHAT–

Ben: William Snakespeare

...

Ashlyn: Dandelions symbolize everything I want to be in life

Taylor: Fluffy and dead with a gust of wind?

Ashlyn: Unapologetic. Hard to kill. Feral, filled with sunlight, bright, beautiful in a way that the conventional and controlling hate but cannot ever fully destroy. Stubborn. Happy. Bastardous. Friends with bees. Highly disapproving of lawns. Full of wishes that will be carried far after I die.

Aiden: edible

...

Taylor, whispering to Aiden, who’s on the phone with Ashlyn: Ask her something!

Aiden: How are you feeling?

Ashlyn: Fine.

Taylor: Something personal!

Aiden: At what age did you start hearing voices?

...

Aiden: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited

Logan: If?

Tyler: Great, the only party I’d actually go to and he might not even die.

...

Logan: We need a distraction.

Ashlyn: Is anyone here good at jumping up and down and making weird noises?

Aiden, whispering: My time has come

...

Tyler: Where are you going?

Taylor: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Tyler: I'll come with

...

Mike, buying a whole bag of knives, guns and other weapons like he's going to war on a random Tuesday: I can explain

Jacob (shop owner): Can you?

Mike: If you give me thirty seconds to think of a lie.

...

Taylor: Heads up, if you try to make a candle with food colouring, it will just sink to the bottom of the glass, and when the flame eventually reaches the bottom all the food colouring will catch fire and become one giant tall flame that you cannot possibly blow out and the glass will start to crack and then you'll throw your tea on it in a panic and then the extremely hot food colouring will boil and sizzle horribly and then the glass will shatter.

Tyler, sighing: What did you do?

Taylor, wailing: A MISTAKE

...

Mr. Thomas: What are your goals?

Ashlyn: To pet all the dogs.

Mr. Thomas: No, I meant your goals for this trip.

Ashlyn: To pet all the dogs in Savannah.

...

Logan: Is letting someone win at chess sapiosexual bottoming?

Ashlyn: Does anyone in this godforsaken group ever think before they speak?

...

Taylor: Aiden isn’t answering their phone

Ashlyn: I’ll call

Taylor: Ben and I have both tried six times each, what makes you thi-

Aiden: Hello?

...

Aiden: I was arrested for being too cool.

Tyler: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

...

Aiden: Jail is no fun. I’ll tell you that much

Taylor: You’ve been to jail?

Aiden: Once. In Monopoly.

...

Mike: You love me, right?

Emma: Normally, I’d say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere and I don’t like it.

...

Aiden: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Ashlyn: Okay

Aiden: And make out during the scary parts.

Ashlyn: The-

Ashlyn: The scary parts?

Ashlyn: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

...

Ashlyn: How petty can you get?

Tyler: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Taylor: I KNEW IT-

...

Aiden: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Logan: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up.

...

Mike: So what’s for dinner?

Emma, staring at the food she just burnt: Regret.

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That's all for today!