#HE'S SO UNBELIEVABLY FUCKED UP IN THE MOST TRAGIC WAY

[cookies-over-yonder]

every day i'm distraught about grant wilson

[loki-cees-all]

I'm Dreaming of A White Christmas

Cee's James Conrad Fic Masterlist / AO3 Link

Pairing : James Conrad x Female Reader

Summary : After another long journey through the hot jungle with Conrad, you come to the startling realization that it’s actually Christmas Eve.

W/c : 2.8k words

Content / Warnings : Non-traditional Christmas smut, Non-traditional Christmas fluff.

Author’s Note : This fic is dedicated to Climate Change, for making me have to suffer through 20+ years of Christmas without a single fucking flake of snow to show for it 🙃

18+ Only - Minors DNI

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Sweaty would have been an understatement. 

After two days in the jungle, after traipsing through endless amounts of grimy mud and sticky bushes and shouting yourself raw, it felt like no amount of cold showers was ever going to bring your body temperature back down to something reasonable.

Hell, it was damn near midnight now, and the outside humidity was still hovering well over 90%. But even in those conditions, the entire ordeal was worth it in the end. 

You probably spent over half an hour in the shower once you made it back to the hostel. Just standing there, letting the water run down your scalp and skin, until your muscles were too heavy and exhausted to even reach for a bar of soap. Instead, your eyes fluttered closed while your mind replayed the dramatic events over the past two days. 

Eventually you forced yourself to actually wash yourself and dry off. Conrad would surely be back soon, if he wasn’t already, and you wanted to be waiting for him when he finally returned. You wanted to hear about the look of joy on that poor mother’s face when her child was finally returned safely. 

After dressing in what passes for clean clothes these days, you begin to sweat again before even making it back to the room. Cursing God, and Lucifer, and Jesus, and anyone else you could think of, you pushed open the door and flopped unceremoniously onto the stiff bed. 

Christ, even the bedsheets were sticky and miserable. It’s a good thing you were so unbelievably exhausted, otherwise you might never be able to fall asleep tonight. And a sticky bed was way better than sleeping on the ground at least, but still - you’d absolutely murder someone just for the chance at a crisp, heavy snowfall tonight. 

For a chilly, decadent Winter Wonderland, a fuzzy sweater, and a creamy hot chocolate. It’d been ages since you’d last felt a genuine shiver…

Groaning, you slowly push up to sitting and try to blink yourself awake. While rolling your shoulders to pop your neck, you glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It read half an hour till midnight, and your heart rate picked up a little bit. Only an hour had passed since temporarily parting ways with Conrad, and you already couldn’t wait to see him again. 

To keep yourself occupied while waiting, you step gingerly over to the single table in your room and grab your canvas knapsack from the chair. Inside the bag, nestled between your empty canteen and a seemingly endless supply of empty peanut wrappers, is the journal you used to document your adventures with Conrad. 

The journal has definitely seen better days. Its edges are bent and torn, the cover is littered with mud and water stains - but it was your most prized possession. Inside those pages were beautiful, tragic, tales of both wanderlust and wonderful lust. Traveling with Conrad was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, from midnight skinny-dipping to beach camping and stargazing. 

You’d seen more marvels of the world than most people ever get to dream about. And the fact that you got to experience it all with such a stunning man was nothing more than a miracle. 

In-between those special moments, there would occasionally be a less-than savory or even potentially dangerous mission to take on. They were just in order to fund your more pleasant adventures, but even the stress and peril was well worth it to you. Every moment with that tall, devastatingly handsome, perfectly muscular and very protective former soldier was a dream come true - snowy weather or not. 

A warm breeze drifts in through the open window, charitably stirring the stagnant air in the room. It was a temporary reprieve, and just enough to get you to uncap your pen and begin writing. 

Over the next several pages, recollections of the previous days’ events poured out seamlessly. The stop at this small village, just a day’s walk from Saigon, was supposed to be a quick one; just long enough to find a place to bathe and stock up on supplies for the final trek of your journey. 

But as soon as Conrad heard a mother’s anguished screams of terror down the street, he literally dropped everything and took off running. By the time you managed to pay the vendor, gather the purchased wares from the street and take off after him, he had disappeared. 

A few minutes later you finally managed to find him, down on his knees and comforting the distraught mother in broken Vietnamese while her neighbors and other children shouted additional information to him. Eventually, he was able to determine that the woman’s youngest child, a boy no more than 2 or 3 years old, had taken off suddenly - possibly into the jungle, and definitely terribly lost. 

One look from Conrad was all it took to let you know that Saigon could wait; finding this missing child was way more important than any other task he’d ever been given. Only a monster would ever disagree with him about something like that. 

Shortly thereafter, you were journeying back into the jungle with Conrad, alongside the woman’s brother and his two eldest children. All four of you walked from sunrise to sundown, meticulously searching every inch of the earth in widening, concentric circles - slowly venturing further and further into the jungle, looking for clues and desperately calling out the name of the missing child. 

If it were up to Conrad, you knew he’d keep looking throughout the night, and that he was only stopping at sunset to give you and the others a chance to rest. But as soon as he thought you were asleep, he’d slip out of your tent and go off searching by himself all night, returning to camp just before sunrise and looking more weary than ever. 

But eventually, you all did manage to find the child. When Conrad pulled that scared little boy down from the tree, you wept actual tears of joy. He was mostly uninjured, just frightened and starving and sporting a few more scrapes and cuts than before. And after getting a little bit of food and water into his belly, the former soldier dutifully carried him all the way back to the village. 

He’d directed you to go straight to the hostel to get cleaned up while he returned the child to his mother, and that was where the journal entry concluded for now. Your eyes filled with happy tears once more as you skimmed over the words you’d just written; you’d never ever seen Conrad more pleased or relieved than in the moment when he finally located the little boy alive. 

Finding people and reuniting lost loved ones was in his blood, it was woven tightly into his DNA. It was what he lived for most; the one thing he’d never been able to have himself.  

With a relieved sigh, you flip back a few pages to check the date of the previous entry, and your breath suddenly hitches in surprise. Could this be right?! Maybe all the sweat was seeping into your brain and drowning all of your synapses beyond functionality…

But no. You double- and then triple-check. You count on your fingers, you write out each date individually in the margin of the page. The last entry, written the morning you and Conrad were due to arrive in the village, two whole days prior, was dated December 22nd. Making today…December 24th. 

Christmas Eve. 

Your heart flutters in your chest as a wave of excitement and painful nostalgia crashes over the room. Life is so much different now than when you were a kid; of course Christmas wouldn’t be any exception, no matter how much you loved the holiday. And it doesn’t feel right, sweating and feeling like you’re boiling alive on the day before Christmas - yet, here it is all the same. 

Mercifully, the pain is short-lived as you sense the familiar thud of Conrad’s boots finally coming up the stairs. The sound of his voice, spirited yet exhausted, reverberates off your skin as he laughs with another guest of the hostel. You barely have enough time to bite your lip in anticipation before he’s bursting into the room, a lovely grin on his face and his jeans and knapsack covered in dirt and muck. 

Like he’s Santa Clause, and he’s finally come round to you, bearing gifts of good news and his very own presence. 

You hop out of your seat, matching his giddy grin with one of your own. “Kid’s back home now? Safe and sound?” 

Before he can even finish nodding, you’re across the room and jumping into his arms. Luckily, Conrad is already quite adept with this maneuver and he catches you with ease, bracing his arms underneath your thighs as they wrap around his waist. 

“Was that doubt I sensed in your tone just now, darling?” he teases playfully against your lips, his large hands shifting to grip your ass. 

You laugh, wrapping your arms tighter around his neck and shifting closer in his grasp to let your lips brush against his. “Oh, I wouldn’t dream of doubting you…” 

“There’s a good girl…” Conrad purrs before closing the distance between your lips, kissing you passionately and eagerly. 

You moan into it, shifting one hand to cup his jaw as your lips part between his. Rushed and heated, his kisses taste like salt and sun and rain. Like home; a new one, completely the opposite of where you’d originally come from, but still somehow everything you’d ever needed. 

It’s funny how things work out like that. 

Before you can take another breath, he begins walking you both backwards, his hands squeezing your ass before you both go toppling onto the bed. As soon as you land and arch yourself beneath him, his kisses shift down your jaw to your neck, his teeth gently scraping against the delicate skin there. 

“Christ, you smell incredible…” he groans deeply, his hands sliding up over your hips and underneath your tank top. 

You let out a soft hum, grinning as he pushes the tank top up over your breasts, and then gasping as his lips find your nipple. Conrad was always a hungry man, but never more so than after a win like today. 

“It’s called showering, Captain. You should try it sometime…” 

His smirk grows exponentially after you tease him, devilish and intense as he crawls back up to let his lips hover just a heated breath above yours. 

“Perhaps you should’ve waited for me…washed my back, while I washed yours…” he groans, the sound of it breathless and sinfully delirious already. For good measure, he rolls his hips in an enticing manner, slowly increasing the pressure against your throbbing clit. 

As if you needed any additional reasons to want him this badly. 

With each roll of his hips, you shudder in pleasure, the need at the apex of your thighs slowly drenching the fabric between you both. You need no further enticing and pull his face down, crushing his lips against yours in an even more desperate, more hurried kiss than before.

The next few moments are a flurry of breathless moans and needy groans. Two sets of hands work on one another’s clothing, pushing and pulling and stripping until you’re both as bare as the day each of you were born. 

And then suddenly, Conrad’s inside you. That familiar stretch graces you once more, kindly blessing the ever-present ache that’s existed ever since you first laid eyes on him. Your back arches further, the heels of your feet dig into his hips and you both moan in unison as he sinks in, burying himself all the way to the hilt. 

It isn’t the first time he’d had you, nor will it be the last, but it had been almost three whole days. Too long, practically a lifetime considering how good it always is - but even so, his pace is slow and languid, like he’s savoring it. He’s not a man drowning in a river after almost dying of thirst, but a man who’s been waiting patiently for a reward most definitely well-earned. 

You can’t help the gasping laugh that escapes in a sudden rush of endorphins. Your heart lurches in your chest and your pupils dilate until there’s just a sliver of color left around them. This is a reward, yes, but it’s also more than that - it’s a gift. 

Conrad, a dedicated and well-trained soldier until the very end, doesn’t miss a beat even after you laugh again and your arms tighten around his neck. He merely nips at your jaw while a curious smirk tugs at his cheeks, his hips continuing so smooth and fluid in their undulating. 

“Something funny, dear?” 

You gasp again as he punctuates that final word by slipping a large hand underneath your skull, cradling it gently and tilting it upwards. It’s a stunning move, making you feel so safe and small while he makes love to you. Your eyelids flicker, and he follows suit as you let out yet another breathless laugh. 

“It’s Christmas…” you murmur, almost in a daze. You’re not even sure if the words are audible as a rush of light crashes over you. 

“Is it now?” Conrad grins, mistakenly taking your statement as one of pure praise instead of just a reflection of today’s date. He thrusts harder, and lets out a deep groan as your muscles tighten in response. 

You moan again and start to feel like you’re floating. Consistent breaths in and out are a thing of the past, but still, you manage a frenzied response. You want him to know the truth, to celebrate the special day with him.

“No - it’s…oh, God, fuck - the 25th! It’s the 25th…”

Conrad’s moaning along with you, drowning out any response in a sea of incoherence. His hips thrust deeper, the taut muscles of his back flexing and contracting in a quick rhythm underneath your hands. His forehead falls against yours, his gasps and exhales heavily washing over your cheeks and lips and nose. He’s starting to lose his mind, and the last thing you can see clearly are his eyes rolling back into his head. 

It’s so incredibly hot when he loses control, the shameless passion he openly shows to you and only you. It’s the complete opposite of the winter wonderland you were dreaming of earlier. But when your thighs start to shake, he changes the angle of his thrusts - and then all of a sudden, it finally feels like Christmas. 

Usually when you come, he makes you see stars, but not tonight. This time, you see Christmas lights - reds and whites and greens and blues all sparkling and dancing together in unison. The room instantaneously becomes a frigid, barren landscape and Conrad is the only warm thing left in existence, his fire crackling and popping against the deep and endless midnight sky. 

Keeping you safe inside the great big dark unknown. A guiding light towards the brighter days lingering ahead. 

You whimper as you come, from the sheer force of it, and Conrad tips right over the edge with you. His back arches to push himself deeper, his hips move frantically, pushing and pulling his cock over and over between your tight muscles like he just can’t help himself. 

And why shouldn’t he? He performed a Christmas miracle yesterday. 

It all feels like a dream, but eventually, Conrad’s hips slow, and he collapses on top of you. For a moment, neither of you can move, other than gasping for breath and whimpering with each uncontrollable twitch and spasm of every nerve and muscle. Slick skin marks both the mutual satisfaction and the need for another shower - and as long as you don’t pass out beforehand, this time you’d be honored to wash Conrad’s back for him. 

Recovery takes longer than usual. Maybe it’s the culmination of the previous few days, the heat, the date; maybe it’s the reflection of the past year as a whole, or the hopeful promises of what the next one might bring. But when Conrad adjusts, and then tightens, his arms around you, burying his face into the crook of your neck and taking in a deep breath, you know it’s all of the above.

You hug him tighter in return. You press your lips to his ear, his jaw, his hair. Anywhere you can reach, anything that’s him. He’s made your year an incredible one, and you were sure that the next one was going to be even better. 

Conrad lets out a deep, peaceful hum. One that reverberates deep into your heart and makes it skip a beat. He tilts his head and presses a deep, tender kiss to your cheek. 

“Is it really the 25th?” he murmurs softly. 

“Yeah, it is…” you laugh, turning your head and nuzzling your face against his. “Merry Christmas, Conrad…”

He chuckles and returns the sweet gesture, adding in a tender caress of your jaw. His eyes flicker up and then down your face, examining and completely mesmerized by everything he finds. Everything you feel about him, he returns tenfold, and it shows in every flicker of light in his eyes, mesmerizing and breathtaking.

“Merry Christmas, darling…”

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Click here to be added to my James Conrad fic tag list! 💙

[faggot-greg-house]

time 4 me to rant abt house again. tragically i think abt that old man constantly

so let's talk about the demonization of addiction in the show, specifically in season 7 + season 8. sorry if this is formatted really weirdly or doesn't make the most sense but i'm not sorry enough to change it

house is an addict. this is an incontrovertible truth. house does not stop being an addict once he gets sober, and i think the show treats that fact in a downright cruel way. this extends through a LOT of parts of the show, particularly in the ways that house and his pain management are treated, but none of them make me quite as angry as season 7.

in season 7, house relapses. he relapses because he is terrified. house is not good at coping and we all know this, and he spent many years coping with vicodin. it made his life easier to live in so many ways!! but in season 7, he's sober (and his pain is being managed in such a shitty way but WHATEVER) and he's faced with the frankly terrifying thought of his partner having cancer, and he relapses! there is literally nothing wrong with this. relapsing is normal and okay and not an issue. recovery from addiction is not a straight line! relapsing doesn't mean you have failed or that your recovery is ruined or damaged. relapsing is common and normal and something to be treated with kindness and patience and support.

when house relapses, cuddy responds with anger and breaks up with him. i do not understand a universe where cuddy is an accomplished doctor, a kind person, and the partner of an addict, and yet she reacts the way she does to his relapse. it is utterly unbelievable to me because it is so fucking incredibly out of character.

not only is this unbelievably out of character, it is so fucking cruel. for a show with a relatively okay/nuanced depiction of addiction and disability to take such a sharp turn into "once you relapse you are a failure" is so....... demoralizing and saddening. they decided house is a failure because he relapsed. they decided house should lose the people who love him because he relapsed. they decided that house should commit literal and actual attempted vehicular manslaughter as a snowball effect result of relapsing. i don't understand how the show went that direction, and frankly it makes me so fucking sad to see

[efingart]

Hey E! idkifishouldaskhereorinyourcodaccount BUT I’ll ask anyway. I’ve noticed you post a lot about Frank Woods, what made Woods be THE favorite character for you?

Hey no worries, I'm not exactly the most organized so it doesn't make a difference to me!

Oh my god where do I start? I'm going to try so hard to hold back because I will just tell you everything I like about him and this will take me even longer to write 😅

Frank falls into the unwanted child trope a bit. Not confirmed by Activision, but close enough and it is a trope that I find myself drawn to. The idea that he was a runaway, his home life must have been bad enough that the streets were better. Born right at the start of the Great Depression so his early life was never going to be easy. But he must have been resourceful and smart enough to survive. Another quality I like in my faves. It's interesting to think about that piece of his history that we will probably never get in any detail in canon. But that's ok, I'm happy to fill in the gaps with my own headcanons and fics.

Frank was then able to pick himself off the streets and enlist (his options were so limited, but he must have made the best choice for himself at the time.) Become such a standout that he was recruited into the CIA. And there, despite being a "self-reliant loner" he developed close friendships with Mason and Bowman. (as an aside, it is always funny when people hc he's an extrovert when he's very much not)

It's clear he cares for them deeply, even at the expense of his own well being as seen in 'Payback.' I do think he was still reeling from Bowman's death and that's why he acted with such reckless disregard for his own life. (But that's headcanon)

The way he reacts when anyone else is hurt or in danger, it's always them first him second, even in the middle of a firefight (redirecting Mason's attention to the pilot in 'Victor Charlie,' the kid on the PBR in 'Crash Site', the nurse during 'Suffer With Me' in BO2, multiple examples).

Then the way he treats Bell. I think he's the first person to deliver Bell a genuine compliment in the game (if you're a good shot). He knows his people and if I could ever get the damn sound bite again of him saying to Bell that he'd bet they'd like five minutes with the supercomputer to work again I'd link it here. How does he know Bell is such a nerd if he doesn't give a damn about his team?

He and Mason are the only ones who actually treat Bell as a member of the team. And that endeared me to him before I even knew about the plot twist.

And of course, the pain of Black Ops 2. He's just fucking dragged through the ringer isn't he? Everything, the shipping container, watching his entire team die, his tragic mistakes and how he reflects them as an old man. I really love that we get to see him as an old man. See him removed from his experiences in the 80s section of BO2. It's so interesting.

I mean even while he's still managing fresh life-changing injuries he still rallies for a kid who needs him. And he must have done a good job raising David because the kid turned out just fine in the end.

I probably could think of a half dozen more specific examples, his outrage at Project Greenlight for one: "Thousands dying in a flash and you're talking about fucking infrastructure."

Or how he has David's childhood drawings hung up in his room at the Vault.

I'm sure I'll have a dozen more after Black Ops 6 comes out if they deliver on the promised emotional journey storyline for Frank. (God, I'm so unbelievably happy he's in BO6.)

TL;DR

Frank is a complicated person. He has had it rough but doesn't wallow in self-pity. He's a smart and capable leader. He's imperfect. He knows how and when to keep things light. He takes care of his people. He rallies when he's most needed even if it's at his own expense. On the shallow end of things? He's hot, he's got great fashion sense.

Sorry, it took me a bit to get this all out. I think again I was trying to balance the urge to just dump every thought and feeling I have vs trying to be a bit more thoughtful about it. Also just cross-referencing things from the games to make sure I remembered them correctly. I'm sure there's a lot I left out. I'm planning on playing through 1, CW, & 2 again before BO6 comes out so I'm sure I'll have more thoughts to share. 😅

I genuinely appreciate you asking me about this, I love talking about Frank. Thank you so so much.

[daincrediblegg]

Just a laundry list of stuff from the Terror scripts that doesn’t nearly get as talked about as much as it should and I’m going to make it everyone else’s problem

The way that neptune’s shit in front of hickey is LITERALLY a revenge shit. Puppy knew puppy always knew- but also how neptune is so beautifully and carefully tied into scenes like. The script loved this dog. So fucking much ("we put up with it because the captain loves it" DAMN RIGHT!!!! THATS HIS DOOOOOOG).

As much as I hate these bitches: that extended scene with Sir John and Lady Jane???? Him in bed with the flu and they are literally the picture of casual tenderness and affection and I might never recover from it. He literally asks her to stowaway like I CANNOT with that shit it’s so unbelievably cute. "I'm ill, Jane" will haunt me forever.

Sofia’s “you should marry a pole, not a woman”??? YYYYYYYOWCH

Also the change your jacket before you come down to dinner bit to Francis that was carried over from the book makes me go insane. Yes. Change your whole self to make yourself presentable to good society and then you can be with us. Yeah. Sooo fucking normal (I am yanking that man away from Sofia with my fucking teeth on the scruff of his neck).

Also. The Pelgar Bridgens romance. Is so real. Show gets so subtle with it I read it as a storge kinda bromance first go around but script loved these two guys being in love so much and it was beautiful that it was literally written queer love from the get go. And put up against Hickey and Gibson it’s a stark and beautiful and TRAGIC as fuck contrast. Like show showed it well but the way it was actually written is ascendant to me.

JFJ being at home in combat. Jesus fucking christ. And the crown of thorns. Jesus was a man riddled with scurvy and his name was james fitzjames. also the splinter thing he literally carries the ship with him in the most painful way possible. christ alive.

[missyourflight]

some stuff i read and watched january - may

i had to stop doing f1 stuff (because it was making me miserable lol), redirected most of that energy into reading romance novels (occasionally other things but mostly romance novels lbr) and watching films. anyway now interview with the vampire's back and i'm fully deranged about that etc. highlights below!

black sails (s1 & 2 rewatch): i do enjoy s1 for my sins (marcus aurelius foreshadowing!) but it's Wild how much s2 kicks up a gear the instant they start properly pairing off flint and silver. coming back for the rest of the rewatch once i've calmed down about the vampires so the true devastation lies ahead etc. also i rewatched twelfth night for toby stephens reasons, his orsino remains a formative piece of nonsense

mary & george: i'm not going to get into the whole nicholas galitzine filmography deepdive i was compelled to do for reasons not even known to myself but i raced through this. very sexy obviously but often in a way transactional or empowering or tender without necessarily being romantic. like it's not reinventing the wheel but it felt like a more expansive presentation of intimacy than you usually see in a costume drama. tony curran great in this!

shōgun: god what a show!! epic and tragic and funny and specific and just like an unbelievable showcase for craft and talent. fuji forever

a moment of romance: andy lau so gorgeous i could die, neon bloody hong kong action with a love story that's almost chaste until they finally kiss and it's fire actually. the rain! sparklers! explosions! a motorcycle helmet that says "safety!" on it!

tampopo: spent way too much money on a bunch of criterion collection blu-rays and i Loved this one, even the freaky egg stuff. an all-time food film and also baby ken watanabe is there with a little bandana!

all that heaven allows: i always feel like i came to sirk backwards because i saw far from heaven first; did magnificent obsession and written on the wind as well and the colours are always gorgeous but this was far and away my favourite. at one point a teapot gets smashed and i gasped like my heart was breaking

thief: god this absolutely rips! unfortunately your girl Is a michael mann bro (austin butler heat 2 let's gooo) and incredibly into things like blowtorches and shots of windows exploding outwards like a shower of diamonds

challengers: feral about it obviously, itemised list of derangements here

la chimera: it's josh o'connor season and i loved this even more than challengers, there are moments in this that felt like miracles

emma. (2020): rewatched this with the blu-ray commentary which only made me love it more, also i've warmed on callum turner since i saw his trip to the criterion closet, what a babe

queen of the damned: watched this in a vampire fever and in the spirit of "how bad can it be?" and the answer was: worse even than that

furiosa: a mad max saga: i really felt the saga of it all, like the almost mythic telling of it, and hemsworth's great and the action's great, but most importantly OH GOD TOM BURKE IS SO HOT AS PRAETORIAN JACK. OH GOD HE'S SO HOT AND STOIC AND SOLID and i was not prepared for it to be a Romance like that oh god

land of milk and honey by c pam zhang: near-future dystopian unbelievably sexy food book, i still think about some of those images. a duck breast split open like a geode!! fuck!!

the spymasters series by joanna bourne: i haven't loved a romance series like this in a While, it's napoleonic era spies! everyone's in love and constantly betraying and shooting each other! it's Not lymond but it was twisty and detailed enough to scratch the lymond itch for me. you can basically read them in any order because they weren't written chronologically, but take my advice and start with the black hawk, because then you can play "what's hawker up to?" in all the other books and hurt your feelings, then go back to the spymaster's lady and do the rest in publication order. i love my terrible spy family!!

practice by rosalind brown: i'm so obsessed with this, it's about a student trying to write an essay but really it's about shakespeare and yoga and the elaborate gay fictions she's constantly making up in her head

henry henry by allen bratton: henry iv by way of brideshead and patrick melrose, i deeply loved this and i deeply loved this hal. one for the hal/hotspur yuletide enjoyers etc

you should be so lucky by cat sebastian: i also read and loved her cabot series but this one really got to me. as a brit i can never truly be a baseball understander but this crossed the bull durham/everybody wants some!! line of making me yearn about it a bit

kaliane bradley, the ministry of time: loved this so wildly that i committed multiple counts of reverse wage theft to dazedly copy the best parts into my notes app and yowl about it with my friends who'd had arcs. sexy time travel roommate situation, my beloved

add me on goodreads or letterboxd if you're into that sort of thing etc

[rosie-kairi]

Man the way KH brainrot has me going insane, especially khux and having ven shoot up from top 5 characters all the way to number 1, like he's the most tragic character and I can't get over it (i will fight anyone who says its not ven they're wrong).

Like in unchained x he's likely 8 years old, no wonder he always considered himself not very good and didn't have friends. All the keyblade wielders are preteens and teens none of them want to train a 8 year old from the ground up which sucks because we know by bbs he's actually very strong and a talented wielder.

Then we fast forward 2 years to union x and it was only recently pointed out to me that has he not replaced strelitzia he likely would've fought in the keyblade war. He narrowly escaped dying as a child soilder at 10 in war and the universe saw that and decided to make his life worse for it. Because then we find out the original darkness took advantage of him and the guilt nearly ate him alive he was willing to let his own surrogate brother strike him down as righteous justice. But when that didn't happen he then willingly jumped into a fight he knew he would lose to save his friends at 11 years old. Ven is a baby! He's too young for all this! And then he never sees his friends the only family he's ever known again! What the fuck!

And then the poor kid gets screwed over even more because a maniacal old man has been obsessed with his visage his whole life and he gets trained tortured for a year and when xehanort can't mold ven into his perfect weapon he just straight up murders him! Ven is only 12 and this is the second attempt on his life! He barely survived and then gets placed in the care of his old friends grandson that he does not know or remember and then is almost killed by him (god poor ven the memories are too painful to bear) and then he's lied to about losing his new friends and forced into a fight to the death. Once again Ven willingly enters a fight he knows will end badly for him to save his friends and he's 16! That's 4 murder attempts now!

And then poor Ven is left in an enchanted coma for 12 years since radiant garden doesn't fall for another year and then 9 years go by until KH I and then Sora goes to sleep for a year after COM, and then when he finally wakes up it's to fight in the war he barely escaped from as a child.

And only now post Melody of Memory he reaches 17 by a miracle but it seems the fortellers and MoM are the new big bads so I can only imagine what horrors wait for Ven. Poor kid barely escaped childhood and has had years of his life stolen from him like Ven cannot catch a goddamn break and he lives rent free in my head I think about his overarching story too long and I can feel the madness set in.

Totally!!!! Nothing but bad times are coming for this kid in the coming saga. There's the stress of looking for Sora, of course, but then after everyone let's their guard down DARING to believe that they'll get some peace and quiet for once in their lives THESE assholes with the animal masks and the unbelievably strong keyblades show up and Ventus recognizes them somewhat. And then that leads to him slowly getting his memories back and he remembers what happened to him in the past. He'll collapse from the weight of it all!!!

Ventus is so. Everything to me. I think he's probably my favorite character in the "mainline" series proper. You can fit SO much horrific experiences inside of this little blonde boy

[0another-nameless-ghoul0]

ok a little while ago I saw a post about how sadly symbolic it is that Luis stopped Krauser with a gun after knives were repeatedly shown to be the most useful/powerful weapon (I cant find the post but if anyone recognises this pls link <3), and it got me thinking about how unbelievably horrifically sad that is.

Luis's only goal during the Krauser scene was saving Leon. there's literally no other reason for him to force himself up in agony and aim and shoot and then hold himself up until Leon is safe other then to save him. Luis is a scientist, he knew he was done for.

By that point, Luis's motive had been slowly built to the point that we know he has changed, or rather tried to. There's a lot of hints that show that Luis himself didn't think he could change, 'makes me feel better' rather then making *him* better, and obviously his line (that literally broke me) 'people can change, right?' these are his dying words, he doesn't try and justify himself or say that yeah he wasn't good but now he is, he doesn't even try and make Leon think of him in a positive way, he literally tells Leon he led a shitty life, THIS IS THE ONLY MAN WHO WILL REMEBER AND KNOW HIM IN HIS LAST MOMENTS, AND HE TELLS HIM THAT HES ESSENTIALLY A BAD PERSON. THATS SO FUCKING TRAGIC?????????

(sorry lol) He does everything he possibly can to help Leon in his last moments, putting himself is agony to save him, giving him the key, telling him to save himself and Ashley and also to end this. (btw can we talk about that?? if this poor guy wasn't tragic enough his last moments were spent begging the only guy he trusted to undo his life's work, I'm lit gonna cry jesus)

Anyways, to the point I was trying to make: in his last moments, when he knows he wont make it, when he understands just how bad he had been for the world and the one guy he trusts, he does one last thing to try and make something good happen. one last thing, one last moment of influence o this world, and even then he cant be good enough.

Knives are shown again and again and again to be superior, and Krauser has a knife to Leon and Luis has to use a gun to try and save him. even in his final moments he cant be good enough. his very last positive moment and its a losing battle. that is so unbelievably heart shattering sad.

[clarajohnson]

the magicians s2e6

quentin coldwater you are so goddamn embarrassing i love you

once again alice is such a fun fucking character. she liked when q did pretend cirque du soleil ????? i could cry !!!!

margo's outfits are improving but i'm looking forward to when we get past the amazon corsets

the only thing better than "no offense q but you're a little crazy right now" is him blithely acknowledging it, "maybe, yeah"

my children loved me i was a good mother!

NIFFIN ALICE I LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i couldn't possibly make fun of q for trying to summon niffin alice like sorry you would do it too for alice quinn

best bitches !!!! they could've parented a demon baby together it would've been okay

okay i think he actually would've liked a unicorn milk latte. or have requested one in earnest at least.

like i need more people calling me daddy!

something hale and summer do is they occasionally adopt the same affect, the same intonation, it's such a subtle thing and it doesn't come up all the time but it so clearly telegraphs that these people are completely tethered to each other

"i know my daughter she's trying to protect us" oh PLEASE

ughhhhhhhhhhh i forgot about loria. oh my god fuck your parents dude. BUT ELIOT DON'T !!!!!

cin-ci-nahhh-tee.

SCREAM at the virgin queen margo

god fillory is so much fun like it's total bullshit all the time but it's also SO fun i enjoy that half of the plot so much

what's fen's title? do we know? queen consort? she has to have a title right

"if ess was a girl and you found pussy you know interesting in a sometimes you like thai food kind of way"

not to do this because i do this constantly all the time but margo hanson is my best friend i'm in love with her

don't worry the thing will not be born AUGH once again i feel like this is such a randomly traumatic plot to force on julia

niffin alice has terrible posture. somebody get her a better niffin bra!

q thinks people's love for him is so conditional every time it comes up it makes me so sad. also i would like for him to get a better hair routine i know grief and everything but dude it's stringy.

i remember when i first watched this episode i wanted daniel to have died from falling off the ladder he doesn't even deserve all that i was just mad at him for being a shit dad

ess is hot but not hot enough to act like this. you're a virgin to me sweetheart? i think margo should be allowed to kill him.

actually margo should be allowed to kill me if she wants to

queliot obviously first most tragic romance in the magicians but fen/baylor is possibly ranked second when you think about it. wait kady/penny. okay fen/baylor is top three.

JESUS CHRIST I FORGOT ABOUT DANA'S WHOLE THING

even i studied and i'm dead!

it's so sweet that she has dreams about forgetting to study. sorry i feel like somebody applauding disney for having a gay character but i genuinely like the female characters in this show so much. they get to do all kinds of shit! and feel shit!

yeah honestly the reynard plot occasionally veers into an almost anti-choice rhetoric, i could have done without like 90% of this plot

i love asking questions that have a 50/50 shot of being resolved in this episode but do we ever find out who dana's son is

once again! best bitches!

you guys have been so royally fucked with! sometimes the florida jumps out of him

"she never figured out how to be a woman" is such an insane thing to say. the magicians should've dug into motherhood more. haha. wrote a thesis on motherhood voice.

I FORGOT ALICE WAS IN THE TATTOO OH MY GODDDDDDD

cripes reynard is so fucking scary

benedict you are an angel

"we're gonna put our jimmy choos so far up your ass you're gonna taste next season" as a declaration of war is unbelievably good

[polyhexian]

i bet eventually jaspers face HURTS when hes sick good lord

Jasper's face probably ALWAYS hurts lol

MH:

Jasper let out a deep sigh in his sleep, strands of corn-stalk hair falling across his forehead past the wrinkled red-pink flesh of his scars. His face looked as peaceful as it ever did, but the way that the skin had healed pulled one of his eyebrows down in a look of mock worry, and the bridge of his nose up almost until a snarl. One of his eyelids was so deformed that it didn't quite close all the way when he was asleep, showing just a sliver of pink between them. The smallest cut tore through his lips and pulled one into a minute but immutable scowl.

That's his canon timeline scars so it's also most of eventually. But I've interpreted hunters possession scars not like the scars you get from cuts, but from burns or acid. So his face is all manner of fucked up now. He had the slashes but now they've sort of bled out so it's just his whole face now, both eyes, nose, most of his lips. And then it goes down on his right jaw and down his neck and into his chest. The skin is stiff and painful when he moves it too much. So big expressions hurt. Which means scowling- but also smiling. For someone like jasper, I think, the fact that smiling is painful is particularly... Tragic. I think it also makes his eyelids stiff in a way that means he's always aware of when he's blinking, if you've ever had something on your eyelids in a way that makes you constantly aware of them instead of just doing it autonomously it is... Very exhausting and stressful.

And then of course there's the sun. His face is going to burn so easily. It's gonna itch when he's outside.

He spent almost all of his life in a mask. I'm sure he very much wishes he could still wear one both because he doesn't want anyone looking at him but also because it just straight up fucking hurts. But he wants very much to be Jasper even if being jasper kind of sucks ass a lot of the time.

He's just a sad wet cat of a man here. Pathetic. Miserable. Face all fucked up. Epilepsy. Some brain damage. Unbelievable trauma and mental health problems. Has had a bird nannying him most of his life and the bird is dead.

It's very hard for anyone in his general vicinity not to feel at least a little pity for him lmfao I mean. Jesus Christ. Look at him

[netherfeildren]

hello vic, it’s vatican garden anon again back from my european vacation…. i’ve been trying to figure out how to put this in words and will probably come up short on what i want to express BUT lemme give it a go.

i know when you replied to my initial ask you said “take that back” in regards to me saying your words matched the artwork i was viewing but no girl, i stand by that statement wholeheartedly. a couple days after being in the vatican i visited the borghese gallery and got the chance to see bernini’s rape of proserpina, a piece i have been wanting to see irl for about 10 years and was finally able to do so. and though it’s beauty and magnificence struck me like a dagger to the chest i couldn’t stop remembering your words in TCC when din is chasing reader and finally catches her. i couldn’t stop seeing them in the stone. the way you are able to help create distinct images in your readers’ minds rivals that of published authors. i’ve read so many books and fanfic through the years and none of it has stuck with me in such a deep way like your pieces do. like dude, i’m out here looking at sculptures and paintings and what comes to mind is something you wrote and i read weeks ago.

i don’t know much about anything but i do know your writing matches thousand year old masterpieces AND that i will be here tooting your horn whenever you post new pieces. you are a gift to this community and i hope you continue being unhinged as hell here and on twitter cause man do you give me some laughs with the stuff you post over on that hellhole.

ps PINK — fantastic magnificent jaw dropping panty soaking piece of writing there. i don’t know how you came up with that idea but girl am i GLAD you did. the daddy kink the slight breeding kink the fucking your ex-husband’s DAD, my god. you ticked a good chunk off my list. i can’t wait to see how you bring it all together in the last chapter.

hugs and kisses,

vatican garden non 🫶🏽

hello, my friend. apologies for sitting on this for a few days, but you’ve truly left me speechless this time. a mere thank you seems entirely ineffectual and redundant so i’m only going to say it once and not go on and on and that’s it. thank you truly from the bottom of my heart so much. your words and your kindness mean everything to me because to be honest my writing means everything to me and for you to share the way you feel about my work with me… there are no words. i really truly appreciate you so much.

i love the borghese, one of my favorite museums in the whole world. i feel like the focus is always on proserpina’s face, so tragic, unbelieving, etc. but pluto’s expression is what i always remember the most, that evil smirk like he knows he’s caught is prize and is so triumphant in it. i have a lot of bernini saved in the tcc pinterest board so it seems as if i’ve somewhat captured the atmosphere i was going for.

i hope you had an amazing time on your trip and i’m so glad to hear you’ve finally gotten to see the sculpture. i hope it was all you’d imagined and more. and please, let’s not draw attention to my very personal private internet diary where i act completely normal and sane and not at all unhinged.

one million hugs and kisses in return :)

[curlytheintrovert]

My Favorite Papa Joel Moments (Pt.8): The Finale!

🦠 It’s the sweetest, most tragic thing that while Ellie is so closed off, Joel is so open. He’s trying so unbelievably hard to get her out of her PTSD head space…and it’s kills me how little it helps. Joel has finally accepted his role as her dad, he’s raw and heartfelt, his voice and mannerisms are even softer, but Ellie is just gone. (And Joel openly talking about Sarah?! It’s such a testament to how he’s opened himself for Ellie) It’s not until the giraffe scene that we see Ellie come out from the darkness, which shows how heart shattering it is that Joel’s sweet attempts has been so ineffective. And even when Joel’s happily looks at her laughing, he pauses and looks heartbroken, like he knows. It’s clearly what compels him to try and convince her they don’t have to go through with the plan for a cure. He doesn’t want her to break anymore than she already has, showing how he has always prioritized Ellie’s emotional well-being.

🦠 For how emotional and devastating this series has been, Joel’s confession was the one moment that really made me tear up. Joel admitting to trying to commit suicide explains EVERYTHING about his character. It gave a full, complete picture of him in a way that’s breath taking. Sarah, and in turn fatherhood, truly was his purpose—when he lost both of them something fractured. And it fractured so hard he wanted to die. He loves hard and it explains so fucking beautifully why he tried so hard to push Ellie away at first. It explains why he’s capable of ruthless murder. It explains why he’s so closed off. And it explains why loving and protecting Ellie felt like his downfall. Joel already lived through his downfall once, and he lived in the miserable aftermath for years and years. But when he says “It wasn’t time that did it” and his eyes just shine with love, it reinforced to me why a suicide attempt makes so much sense on his part: He’s hopelessly devoted to and in love with his children.

🦠 Joel’s binge killing through the hospital…there are no words. When I rewatched it a second time it brought me to tears. In my previous pt. 7 post I addressed how bone chilling Pedro’s performance at Lakeside is when he’s silent and flat eyed. And that exact same look occupies his face throughout the entire scene. It’s terrifying. I don’t even know if I see this man blink. The way it’s shot is cinematically perfect: the tragic music, how you don’t fully see rebels faces and sound is muffled. We are in Joel’s head space, we live in it more than we ever have. But the music really makes you understand how horrific it is…your heart breaks for the rebels but also for Joel too. He loves his daughter so much that he doesn’t see people, he doesn’t feel anything, it’s just Ellie. That’s all there is for him. Honestly my favorite shot of the entire show is the bullet casings falling around his eerily steady, calm footsteps. Like his humanity is crumbling one bullet, one life, at a time…Yet the best parallel is the distinct way Joel carries Ellie, and by extension Saran, bridal style through a similarly horrific situation, but this time he redeemed himself no matter the cost.😭 He saved his girl!

🦠 Now for the ethical question everyone will be discussing: Did Joel do the right thing? My favorite thing in the tlou podcast is when Neil talked about the test players for the game and their thoughts on the ending. It was a 50/50 chance for those without kids and 100% of those with kids agreed with Joel’s choice. I personally am a parent and am completely in agreement! As a parent there’s nothing you wouldn’t do for your child and it’s painted so beautifully in this episode. Joel killing and lying to keep her alive would have seemed like nothing compared to losing her, and I uncomfortably have to agree. No parent should be excepted to just accept their child’s death (and especially if you knew you had the capability to stop it!) I’m so sad but so interested to see where our favorite tragic father-daughter duo will go from here…season 2 is gonna be a doozy!

[thelivingautomaton]

hello time of wheelies, i am still livetweeting the books but i am now done with book 2 and figured you all might want an update, the most important being: y'all were right about the religious freaks with coffee, good god

yeah so let's start there with the seanchan because hooooooooly fuck

literally every time any of the seanchan are on the page i just sat there open-mouthed going "oh my god these guys are such FREAKS". but it's also so galaxy brained of robert jordan to introduce another antagonistic faction but have them be completely unconnected to the ongoing battle of dark vs light + unrelated to all the other factions in the setting?

and all the insane details about their culture. the nails! the blood! the insect-like armor! THE GROLM? (they're dimension-hopping colonizers????) also i only picked up on it b/c i was on the lookout but when lord turak is talking about "caf" and saying that the aroma is almost better than the taste, i literally sat up and yelled THOSE FUCKS HAVE COFFEE

for real though it is so unbelievably funny/based for rj to be like, okay, the prophesied last battle between the forces of good and evil is about to take place, world-shattering apocalypse, make or break. meanwhile, some guys from across the ocean are gonna invade and Do A Colonialism.

also, the damane? UNBELIEVABLY fucked on every conceptual level. special shoutout to renna's cloyingly patronizing treatment of egwene though, that shit actually made my stomach churn. (also also, shoutout to nynaeve for immediately seeing the damane/sul'dam/a'dam for what they are and reacting with the extremest revulsion when she has to put the bracelet on, love u bb girl <3)

kinda wanted at least one comedic interaction in the battle of falme where a bunch of seanchan soldiers run into The Actual Ghost Of Artur Hawkwing and lose their shit though. actually i thought it was soooooo funny as a narrative choice to have the horn blown but you barely see what happens in the big clash on the ground cos you're in rand's pov and he's too busy fighting ba'alzamon in a giant laser light show in the sky

(i still. don't really understand how that worked exactly but WHATEVER, it's fine. sad about the heron blade though ;-; but at least rand got to "prove" he has/had the right to it beforehand when he defeated turak. without channeling, even! which makes it 5x more badass)

also i thought it was interesting that by around the midway point of the book you have the pov characters dealing with three different factions whose way of doing things seems strange and alien: the seanchan, the aiel, and the cairhien nobles with the great game. just thought it was an interesting parallel

also, rand trying his best to Not Participate in the great game and just getting pulled in deeper was never not funny, sorry not sorry. rand and co infiltrating barthanes's mansion to try and grab the horn and the dagger was Peak D&D Heist energy and i loved it

the other big thing that had me losing my shit was surprise! parallel dimensions

LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK. the moment that the realization hit that the washed-out otherworld that rand/hurin/loial found themselves in was an ALTERNATE UNIVERSE where artur hawkwing didn't defeat the trollocs, i fucking went crazy. and then loial talking about the excerpt from "mirrors of the wheel" and going on about worlds that are shadows of the real world! i was hooting and hollering and going "this is just like chronicles of amber" (which i highly recommend for y'all, VERY different vibe compared to wheel of time but they're super fun and you'll love them if you like the whack-ass stealthy sci-fi/genre blends in WOT)

and then the escalation to rand actively trying to use the stone and flickering through countless permutations of his own life? utterly fucking bananas. also: unbearably tragic! literally what if you lived out hundreds of versions of your life but despite the seemingly-infinite choices open to you, they all really boil down to one choice: play the role that's meant for you and be doomed by the narrative, or don't play and be doomed anyways. like. FUCK

robert jordan i am begging you to give me more insane alternate realities for your made up fantasy universe, i am begging you for more insane creepy shit like the otherworld being devoid of people and all the color washed out since it's a "weak reflection", it is SO GOOD

this is tangentially related but: i knew who """selene""" really was going in, but i did NOT know her introduction in the books was this fucking batshit, and also that she comes across as literally the shadiest motherfucker alive. "oooh, here i am in my pretty white dress being attacked by a beast, come save me! no i don't know how i got here, i was just riding! don't mind how i know a surprisingly specific amount about the portal stones! you're my hero! you can blow the horn and be a great man!" unironically i love her so much for this scheme, and how it plays off so well vs rand's insistence that he's just a shepherd + his starting to settle into the position of "lord" and/or "dragon"

but fr though i think this conflict is sooooo interesting as a central narrative theme, i.e. the choice to seek out glory and heroism for its own sake vs taking it upon yourself as your duty because there's no one else who can vs running away from that duty and responsibility. "We may be a poor pair of heroes, but we are what there is." "It was not what I was made for, but all was breaking apart, and they were alone, and I was all they had." everything with rand feeling the "threads" of his duties and "death is lighter than a feather, duty heavier than a mountain" and the idea of choosing to sheathe the blade in yourself when the moment comes. and how that ties in with ingtar's final choice and his sacrifice!

it's all about the CHOICE!!! this is literally me irl rn:

oh my god what else. i loved getting so much more detail on the aes sedai (who are basically underfunded academics constantly squabbling among their respective departments, i have decided) and how channeling works/feels. (the parallel between the girls imagining saidar as a flower vs rand feeling saidin as the flame and void with a sickly light in it. chef's kiss!!! but also, rand simultaneously craving saidin and being sickened by it? chewing glass about it, nbd) verin mathwin aka The Aes Sedai Ever is unbelievably great. a lot of this book felt like buildup so i'm hype for things to start popping off, especially now that rand has apparently accepted the mantle of dragon. these books are crazy and i love them

[hanasnx]

im absolutely obsessed with the way you write anakin, sometimes i even forget that your content isn't part of the star wars canon - it is, in my heart.

even when we're talking about his debauchery, you manage to write in a way that is not only sensual but has this lingering tragicness? like in the moment it's "anii ;))" and when the post-nut clarity hits makes me go "ani :((".

most of your writing takes places before revenge of the sith -if i'm not mistaken-, and knowing how close he truly is to the edge? makes it all the more painfully delicious. i want to give him head so good he won't turn to the dark side, but knowing him, it'll just push him further into its arms. 

you have such a good grasp on his character and a beautiful tongue that shares it. i love how unabashed, indulgent, unfiltered and most importantly true your writing is. 

mwak lov it, keep it up <3

~🥩

"i even forget that your content isn't part of the star wars canon - it is, in my heart." jesus fuck this shit hit me. it means so much to me to read this because i do try my hardest to fit these concepts into the anakin skywalker we know in canon. im a stickler for his characterization, borderline clinically obsessed with getting it right. the fact it can fit within star wars canon to you makes me so unbelievably happy.

"even when we're talking about his debauchery, you manage to write in a way that is not only sensual but has this lingering tragicness?" shut the fuck up i'll kiss you. like thank you? oh my god? sensing the layers i try to put into my writing is a huge compliment, i thank you for your fine-tuned comprehension.

"you have such a good grasp on his character and a beautiful tongue that shares it. i love how unabashed, indulgent, unfiltered and most importantly true your writing is." this was such a beautiful sentence to read and to know its about me makes it all the more special. truly i loved this message, i was so pleased to be the one to receive it. i boasted about this message tbh i read it out to my boyfriend in the car when i got it. and then i gatekept it for a bit. it makes me really happy youre reading my work and appreciating it. and then taking the time out of your day to message me about it. thank you sincerely

[unohanabbygirl]

Wow you’ve got me pondering one of the truly darkest HIPS timelines where Luke dies and Osferth is found by Aemond. I can imagine Aemond making his way to Osferth after investigating any child born with dragonscales and when he does find Osferth he basically kidnaps him. (If we want to make it really sad Aemond was following Corlys and snatched up Osferth right after the two made contact). In this timeline Aemond never learned how to control himself as a prime alpha unlike Corlys because he was too obsessed with proving his memories wrong, so when he does kidnap Osferth and holds him captive, he ends up assaulting Osferth at the same age he did Luke when Osferth goes into heat. Truly one of the darkest most tragic ways this timeline can go. The only possible way I can imagine this being any sadder is if Luke IS alive and was away when Aemond found Osferth and now must grapple with his son undergoing the same thing he did, from the same person in fact. You can’t tell me that Luke doesn’t have nightmares about Aemond attacking Osferth in the OG story once Osferth presents. Damn. Why is HIPS so TRAGIC

Since Osferths birth Luke has been praying for his baby to be a beta for many reasons but mainly because beta’s don’t have to deal with the pain of being an omega in such a disgusting society while also having the privilege of not succumbing to the mindless base instinct to breed like alpha’s and omega’s do. It’s the perfect safe space in between but especially since if Osferth happened to be an omega Luke wouldn’t be able to let go of the fear that Aemond would somehow end up finding and hurting him. Only to fall into a horrible depression once Osferth starts to smell unbelievably sweet, the first sign of many. Feeling that he’a failed his son once again.

If Aemond ever touched Osferth Luke would probably have a fucking heart attack. Knowing that his son not only fell victim but that it was to the very man who did the same to him. Grappling with the chance that a child may come about from this yet again. It’s something so tragic that no one in that situation would be able to recover.

The most likely way this particular timeline would end is that both Luke and Osferth take their lives together. The painful reality is just too much, stuck wondering if this is something that’ll keep occurring till the end, they’d rather end things themselves than wait to find out the answer. Taking a painless poison before bed as they fall asleep in each other’s arms and never wake up. It’s painful but their love for each other makes it horribly beautiful at the same time.

[girltomboy]

I finished Yellowjackets S2

Boy, the quality difference in these two seasons is unbelievable. I hate the term "prestige TV" but at times Yellowjackets does feel as such, like an insanely good TV show. And other times it borders on CW-levels of bad and strained. At least some of the questions I had after S1 were answered; although I am not impressed overall - everything this season felt rushed and forced.

It seemed to me like everyone was out of character, which is why I keep insisting it felt so forced. Like Natalie staying at Lottie's resort thing and actually getting into all of it instead of planning an escape, or accepting Misty's rescue offer. Misty doing the same, when she only went there to help Natalie (and ended up killing her EYEROLL). Shauna seemed to be the only one who hadn't completely transformed throughout the season, but her whole Randy cheating-set-up arc was so boring and weird. Like WE DON'T CARE!!

Then there was Taissa's family being completely abandoned and forgotten right when they all needed her the most, and then her visions/sleepwalking seemingly completely stopping once she visited Van and went to Lottie's with her. Not to mention her professional victory being just thrown to the side, like nbd just gotta make a quick several-day trip to my friend's cult camp after causing a car accident and putting my wife in a coma and hallucinating my kid in my house. And Van coming up with the idea of canceling the intervention and Taissa agreeing was kind of an ugly setup, even though the surprise intervention wasn't a brilliant one either. Like just don't feed into Lottie's homicidal instincts in the first place. Also, Lottie becoming a cult leader after being released from a mental institution was a choice, considering Natalie's death will most likely fall under her blame. And now she's just gonna go back to being held in a psychiatric institution because all her high school friends decided to visit her bee farm and it all ended up becoming a killing sacrifice.

The cop arc was so fucking insufferable I wanted to skip all the scenes with "Jay" (forgot his real name) and/or Kevin. They even made me hate Callie's parts, and I don't want to hate Callie at all, cause he was the creepy one! The same goes for Jeff, his whole role this season was just painfully pathetic. I hate the whole sidekick syndrome that characters in this show inevitably gradually start suffering from. Even Misty's boyfriend was more interesting than any of the Shauna vs cops chase.

Natalie's death was just completely ridiculous to me. And all of it tracing back to the night Nat was tripping on acid and saw Misty for a split second was just... what? Are you telling me she died a fucking goofy Tom & Jerry ass death at the hands of probably her best friend because she saw her that night and the acid somehow cursed her? Or is there a curse nestled deep inside Misty? Or deep inside Nat, considering all the shit she's been through. Idk but I cringed so hard I had to shelter my eyes a little when I saw how she died.

On the other hand, Kevin dying on the same night and a similar death as Natalie, and both of them completely unaware of what was going on with the other was just tragic. Regardless of the goofy ways they both died. I know Kevin wasn't a huge part of Natalie's life, and that their affair got cut short, but I expected him to be more protective of her. But ACAB even in Yellowjackets so it's not that big of a surprise.

Moreover, coach Ben not being in any of the present-time narratives makes me wonder not if but when and how they will find out that he burned down the cabin, and eat him too. I feel bad for him because I thought he was evil at first (when he was trying to play along with Misty's crush on him) but then we found out he was gay and was just humoring Misty to avoid hurting her feelings. He was also against the whole cannibalism thing from the start, which is ironic because that's probably how he will end up. We'll probably find out more about Javi's secret little cave, and find out who his "friend" is as well.

Also, speaking of Javi, are we going to just forget about Crystal? I mean, I remember how quickly they abandoned even the memory of Javi when he was missing in S1, but at this point they got to taste human flesh and survive thanks to it, I thought they'd be more eager to find her frozen body instead of going through the hassle to pick and chase a whole other person to sacrifice. Digging through the snow would've been easier than all that, but then again, she could have been eaten by something else, and then the trouble of digging for her would have been useless. At least the chase got them something.

AND speaking of Crystal, I kinda thought the new girls they snuck in at the beginning of the season were going to be sacrificed and eaten right away. I like the roles they were given, especially Akilah's and Gia's (I think that's her name?) but I still think it was corny af to just add more girls to the team and pretend they were there the whole time.

Overall I think most of the present-time scenes this season could have been skipped and overlooked because for me personally all they did was interrupt the wilderness parts which were far more interesting and more important. I did LOVE adult Lottie's character but they did her so wrong by taking her back to the institution. Her cult thing was a bit weird but I don't think there was anything sketchy or dangerous about it. I also liked adult Van and can confidently say the criticism I saw about her not being "butch enough" was stupid and weird. I'm willing to bet her cancer will be confirmed to have disappeared next season because of how Lottie looked at her and said "You'll see". In fairness, their lives will probably go back on track now thanks to the sacrifice, and Lottie will end up being right.

I wish they had focused more on the relationships and dynamics of the kids in the wilderness. Like, Nat and Travis for starters, Travis and Javi, Taissa and Van, Shauna and Taissa, Lottie and pretty much everyone else. I felt like this season leaned more into their adult lives which was a complete waste. I don't care about Shauna's fake affair with strawberry lotion in a condom, or her daughter going bowling with a creepy fake cop, I want to see more of how they slip into insanity in the middle of nowhere, especially since Shauna JUST gave birth to the dead child (where is it? When will they eat it?) of her best friend's boyfriend, after she JUST ate her best friend, who froze to death and then got an accidental cremation. Like, are you kidding? Why would they not explore all that instead of putting me through whatever the hell all of that was?