#HE MAKES ME SO SAD i just want him and sara to escape together………….

[dailykeiji]

keiji has a very high chance of dying next chapter but i am desperately hoping that there will be at least 1 ending where he lives. at least 1. for the love of god please just let my man live so that he can continue growing and changing as a person. please. let him be HAPPY……… for ONCE………….

[ayellowcurtain]

2. 12 months since their break up

The hallways are so empty. Wilhelm can hear some noises but it’s far away, so it feels like the whole left wing of the school is his for the holidays. He walks around still in disbelief his life went in such a different direction than he thought it would go this time of last year, so much so that this school is now where he feels the safest. He also can’t believe he has no bodyguards for the holidays. Maybe it’s because of all the unexpected snow that came down for the past few weeks. There’s no escaping here to go anywhere else, and somehow his mess was well kept around the school bubble all year long. One good thing about taking August down and now having his social power over everyone else.

Wilhelm would like to believe that he has real friends now, people that can protect him and let him leave a “normal” life for as long as he can. His acts are justified, doesn’t matter how much they pushed Simon away, right to someone else's arms…

Wilhelm bends down, lifting his thick turtleneck to the end of his forehead, silently screaming his frustrations, holding the wool in between his fingers so hard that they go numb for a long second as he stands back up like nothing happened.

He tries to stretch his fingers to see if it helps as he turns right on the corridor, slipping a little against the wood floor because of his winter socks. Erik’s winter socks.

He’s surprised to find someone standing there, looking like he was caught doing something he isn’t supposed to do.

“Hi…” Simon says shyly, adjusting his backpack on his shoulder.

“Hi.” Wilhelm bites the inside of his cheek, pulling his sweater to cover his hands, “Didn’t know you were here.”

“Yeah, hm I just got here, actually.”

Wilhelm nods his head, still a little hurt because of their big fight two weeks ago, screaming at each other, saying things they’ll probably never forget completely. They were both wrong, he’s able to accept that much after two weeks of reliving that fight in his head, but he can’t believe Simon is still thinking about fucking morals and what’s right or wrong after everything that happened.

Some things are a lot blurrier these days and he thought Simon would know him better to understand where he was coming from.

“How are you?”

Exactly the same as I was one year ago, not an inch or thought different, Wilhelm thinks about answering but he doesn’t because he knows it’ll make Simon mad because of his bitterness that he takes as selfishness.

“I’m alive so that should count for something. I’ll still be king, so good news.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not.” He walks slowly to the breakfast table, making his fingers walk down the table. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m staying…hm, Sara went home so her bedroom was empty and I wanted to come…”

That’s weird. Maybe he did break up with his long-time boyfriend. Wilhelm can’t believe how sad it is that their video made Simon a celebrity, and he feels even worse about it because he knows how much Simon probably hates that, constantly reminded of the traumatic event that caused a pile of even worse moments in their lives. He read the tiny article about the possible break up that was based solely on the lack of PDA on their social media for the past month.

“Guess we’ll spend Christmas together then. Only took us one year but your wishes of a good Christmas will finally come true for me.”

The sigh that Simon gives echoes around the massive and empty room, and Wilhelm looks at him. He wouldn’t take his words back, but it’s nice to see that Simon got the reference.

“I thought all your anger was out of your system by now.” Wilhelm smiles at him because no, his anger is still very much simmering inside of him, and it feels like it’ll never go away, he’s just learning to live with it now that August is in his place and he can’t do the same with his mom.

“You know the news says the snow won’t stop, right? So did your boyfriend come to stay with you or…?”

Simon doesn’t answer but he blushes, giving up on eating if that was his intention, turning back around to go to his room for the holidays. Wilhelm follows, keeping a big distance between them.

Simon stops to unlock the door, and drags his bag inside, dropping everything right next to the door. Wilhelm leans against the doorway, trying to contain his desperate need for touch. For Simon’s touch to calm him down and maybe fix him a little more.

“I came because I was worried about you.”

Wilhelm is taken back, frowning because Simon, the new Simon that came to the surface since the start of the year, wouldn't give him that much. Wilhelm knows he’s just trying to move on from their break up and relationship generally, but still, the main task for Simon to move on was to shove Wilhelm to the sideline of his life completely so this doesn’t make any sense.

“Huh?!”

“The same way you read stupid gossip about my life, I read about yours. Luckily, it’s a lot easier when you’re wanting to know about how the king-to-be is doing. Maybe you were hiding deep away from the outside world in your castle, but basically every day there was a new gossip magazine saying how miserable you were, how the blinds of your bedroom were constantly closed at the castle, how your mom seemed offended every time a reporter asked about how you were doing, how nobody from the outside world had seen even a glimpse of you since you went home for the holidays. And then everything that happened this year and that I saw about you. I was worried. Being stuck here, with this terrible weather, with little to no people to talk to.”

Wilhelm chews on the inside of his bottom lip, crossing his arms tightly on his chest, measuring the right words to say to Simon. That’s one thing he really learned since he took Erik’s place: naturally, he measures every word he’ll say to be as clear as possible. While talking to Simon, that clarity comes with as much honesty as Wilhelm can give anyone. He physically can’t lie to Simon.

“Why would I leave the castle? People would harass me with invasive questions that I didn’t have the answers for. I couldn’t lie to anyone else’s face saying it wasn’t me in the video, I couldn’t lie saying I was happy to take Erik’s place. So I just spend my days as the gossip magazine probably guessed: locked inside my bedroom, miserable. So having a whole castle for me for a few days sounded a lot better than just a bedroom, so I stayed here.”

Simon doesn’t answer, and Wilhelm can’t believe hearing him confirm everything the press was saying could ever shock Simon.

“Did you really think I would be happy after our break-up?” He decides to ask, stepping inside and carefully closing the door behind him, leaning against it. “You were happy and I don’t blame you, that makes sense since you were the one wanting to break up but, like everything else in my life, it wasn’t my decision and I just have to live with it.”

“You’re not a poor victim needing someone to rescue you.” Simon says a little pissed off, taking his jacket off and hanging it on the back of his desk chair.

“I didn’t say I was. I got what I could from August, my mom, and what being a prince can give me right now. It doesn’t fix us and it doesn’t bring Erik back, but I did what I could and, for your disappointment, I don’t regret any of it. You are here, Sara is here, August is done for, so I’m as happy as my life can let me be.” Wilhelm grabs Simon’s bag to do something with himself and focus his anxiety on real things, putting it closer to his closet so Simon can organize his things later. When he turns back around Simons is two or three steps from him, putting his phone to charge, leaving it on his desk and Wilhelm steps into his personal space, watching as Simon takes a small step back to stand up straight, their noses a few inches from touching.

“It’s been a whole year, are you still sure of our break up?”

Simon sighs under a shaky breath, and just being this close to him makes Wilhelm dizzy with longing, closing his hands, sinking his nails into his palms not to do a thing he’s not allowed to do.

“A lot has happened this year…” Simon whispers, and Wilhelm nods carefully not to scare Simon away with their proximity.

“And did any of it change how you feel about…me? Do you have feelings for me?”

Simon rolls his eyes, trying to avoid the questions, stepping back with more certainty this time, creating enough space between them.

Wilhelm doesn’t let the small distance and time break their bubble, and he steps closer again, so close he bumps his lips down the bridge of Simon’s nose when he looks at him, waiting for a clear sign or a real answer.

“I never said I didn’t have feelings for you.”

Wilhelm smiles, his anxiety turning into too much energy inside his body that he doesn’t wait another second, turning his head a little to press his lips against Simon’s. When they’re the version of the outside world, Simon is the most confident, strong minded person ever, but his Simon is very different, and Wilhelm can’t help the moan that escapes his lips when Simon slowly melts into his body when they’re trying to stop kissing. Wilhelm can almost visually see the conflicting feelings when Simon frowns, trying to stand away from Wilhelm but he kisses him again for another long second, just their warm lips touching.

“Your boyfriend…?” Wilhelm holds Simon by the side of his waist, squeezing a little bit, knowing he’s about to say stupid things. “I don’t want to be your dirty little secret, Simon.”

As Wilhelm says his name, Simon grunts, pulling him in for another kiss, a lot more desperate and reckless, stumbling across the room. They stop when Simon lifts his sweater, and they both laugh with their urgency and how the sweater is a little too tight for moments like this. Before they can go any further, Wilhelm looks over his shoulder, at the tall window, the brightness from the snow being the only light coming inside. There’s no footsteps on the fresh snow but Wilhelm locks the window and closes the curtains completely. The room is pitch black when he turns around, trying to remember where Simon is but he’s found first, with no urgent kisses or touches though.

“You want me to believe you didn’t have sex this year?” He asks and Wilhelm can feel him close but still no touching or kissing.

“Why would I?” He hits Simon’s torso accidently while climbing his hands up to his shoulders, slipping to the base of his neck, slowly pulling him close, tracing a line from his neck to his ear with the tip of his nose, drunk on Simon’s smell already. “You were the best sex ever, why regress?”

He hears Simon’s laugh right in his ear, finally giving in and melting against Wilhelm’s body, wrapping both his arms around his neck, letting Wilhelm guide their steps and actions.

“I have a real hard time saying no to you…”

Wilhelm smiles, putting his hand on the back of Simon’s neck, playing with the curls that he can reach, “I would say otherwise. It’s been a year and a few days of you saying no to me.”

“Were you counting?” Simon smiles against his lips and Wilhelm wishes he could see it, leaning against Simon’s hand when he feels him putting his hair behind his ear.

“It’s hard not to when you’re all I think about.”

Simon smiles wider and Wilhelm follows, finally sneaking his hands inside Simon’s shirt, feeling when he lifts his arms to let Wilhelm get rid of it, letting it fall on the floor as the struggle to get rid of their pants and socks.

[beanieman]

My Favorite Moment From Each YTTD Character

Sara Chidouin - In the logic route when Sara decides she doesn’t want to loose anymore allies after Alice/Reko’s death. At her very core Sara’s a kind person who wants to escape with everyone. Even if she had a moment of doubt, in the end her heart is still kind. I know the emotion route is the sweeter one, but I prefer seeing Sara’s growth in the logic route. 

Joe Tazuna - My favorite Joe moment is easily when he’s in the bar after interrogating Alice. Everyone is frightened by Alice and on edge after being told about the main game. But Joe unties Alice and proclaims he doesn’t want to distrust his allies. I love how the entire rooms mood shifts into a more lighthearted feeling because of Joe’s presence. It really shows how big of an impact he has on everyone around him, not just Sara. 

Gin Ibushi - Gin hugging Sara and bringing her back down to Earth after she got the sacrifice card was so sweet. Sara had begun to spiral, but Gin was there for her, putting her heart back together. Gin is the heart of the group, and this moment very well shows it. Plus I just love Gin and Sara being siblings. 

Keiji Shinogi - My favorite moment is his banter with Gin about holding Mew Chan when he’s in the coffin. I love how Fatherly he is towards Gin, and this is just a really sweet moment. 

Alice Yabusame - “I can’t vote for anyone’s little sister” is both my favorite line from him and moment in general. In one sentence his character is completely summed up. This kind of surprised me too on first playthrough, because I thought he would vote for Kanna since he had worked so closely to Shin for both chapters. Even Kanna herself thinks he’ll vote for her, but he doesn’t. Alice knows the pain he’ll put Shin through if he kills Kanna, and he knows he can’t vote for a little girl. He votes with sympathy for both Shin and Kanna, and that really shows his big heart. 

Reko Yabusame - Technically my favorite Reko moment is when her AI talks about the pain of overcoming everyone’s deaths and how her feelings are real. But if you mean the real Reko, then Reko deciding to keep her memories of Alice is such a good scene. She accepts that they didn’t always have the best relationship, but she wants to recall all of it so she has more memories with Alice. The Yabusame’s make me sad. 

Nao Egokoro - Nao’s entire screen time is my favorite character moment, but if I had to pick one it would be when she escapes in the massacre route. She’s able to use her wits to outsmart EVERYONE and does well setting herself up for victory. I have mixed feelings on the massacre ending overall, but it does feel like the best conclusion to Nao’s character arc in my opinion. 

Kazumi Mishima - When Mishima tells Nao to vote for him so she’s not in any danger. You can tell how much love he has for his students just by his willingness to give his life for them. He seemed like a fantastic teacher who wanted his students to flourish, as all teachers should. 

Q-taro Burgerberg - His speech to the dolls at the end of 3-1. I had a rocky opinion on Q-Taro during my first playthrough, and this was my first moment while playing that really cemented “I love this character!” for me. 

Kai Satou - His final death speech gives me chills every time. I don’t have a lot to say about it, but it really is one of my favorite game moments. 

Kanna Kizuchi - Her ice cream flashback in 3B. Kanna has a lot of impactful moments that show the strength of her character, but this moment is just so nice. Kanna and Sara being able to have a lighthearted discussion about ice cream is just what I needed in such a stressful chapter. 3B stressed me out so much with the clicking clock sounds and the revels every five minutes. I needed a breather, and Kanna’s presence allowing Sara to act like a dorky teenager who likes ice cream for five minutes was a nice break from it all. Which in a way sums up Kanna’s character very well. She’s the groups humanity, and this calm scene served as a reminder for that. 

Shin Tsukimi - When he tells Sara to vote for him instead of Kanna. After spending most of the game stirring the pot and being antagonistic towards Sara, he lets his true self come out in this moment and it’s fantastic. Even if he wasn’t the kindest towards Kanna always he really did love her. He considered her his own sister without even knowing about their relation (I’m assuming.) and gave up the life he was so desperately fighting for to save hers. Instantly skyrockets him to favorite character status. 

Dolls

Ranmaru Kageyama - I verbally cheered when he ripped up Sara’s ASU-NARO form. I didn’t want her to sign it at all, so he was a real saving grace at that moment. It gives me the same energy as when Nao shoves the Reko doll for Sara’s sake. 

Naomichi Kurumada - When he begs Keiji to not forsake the other dolls. He seemed like a selfish character during 3A, so to see his growth was so satisfying. Honorable mention goes to when he decked Ranmaru on the logic route. 

Anzu Kinashi - Every single one of her plans fail, and that’s so funny to me because that’s exactly how I would be in a death game. She’s not the smartest but she’s very relatable. So all of her plans are her best moment in my eyes. 

Mai Tsurugi - Mai revealing her overly bubbly personality was fake to increases her chances of killing Q-Taro. She’s SUCH a smart character who’s able to hold onto her persona much better then Shin is. She’s able to accomplish her goal with her fake personality in about an hour, while it’s taking Shin the entire game. Mai’s the real MVP. 

Shunsuke Hayasaka - When he tells Sara to hit the dummies so she doesn’t risk hitting Gin, he’s the best Dad. I’m glad he’s still alive on my Logic route playthrough to hopefully adopt Gin later. 

Hinako Mishuku - When she showed them the hidden room to fix Ranmaru’s collar so it didn’t explode. Hinako cared for the group despite being the traitor and I stand by that. 

[boldlyvoid]

Amoreena | chapter four

Chapter Four

summary: Heaven is a real place and it's located exactly 14.6 miles away from the FBI, Quantico Headquarters. Off behind a small park, under a fantastical willow tree surrounded by wildflowers, in every colour young minds can imagine.

Don't forget, heaven also comes with angels.

Warnings: fluff, hurt/comfort, depressed spencer, reader has a daughter, falling in love, strangers to lovers, library smut, oral (female receiving) lots and lots of fluff

word count: 3.9k

from the beginning <3

Everyone at work was very understanding. Almost all of them saw it coming, he was taking more sick days than normal and he wasn’t putting up a fight anymore when the 30 days was required to take rolled around. They were profilers after all.

He arrives on Thursday morning to pack his desk. The team is finally home and all together to wish him well on his future journey, giving him hugs and kisses as they each visited his desk.

They had already replaced him, Will LaMontagne was giving the FBI a shot, finally. Spending more time with JJ, the kids were old enough now to accept both of them working. And Kate Callahan was back, now that her baby wasn’t a baby anymore either.

Even Penelope and Derek showed up, bringing a cake that said ‘happy retirement’ written across the frosting. They were happy for him, they shared the same excitement he had. There was a thrill in his eyes again as they asked him about his plans.

“Tell us about this Y/N you met,” Emily cut into the laughter to get to the serious topics.

“I’ve been going to the park a lot recently and I found this little reading nook by a pond. She was there with her daughter and they invited me over to their picnic,” he realized how fake it all sounded as he continued to speak. “Her daughter is wonderful and super smart, I took them to the Smithsonian on Sunday and I’m completely smitten.”

Everyone swooned, happy to see him finally finding someone that makes him gush like this. It had been a very, very long time since Spencer has told any of them about a person, let alone someone he was in love with.

“She is wonderful,” Penelope added, “she makes the best tea and she lives in a literal Disney movie.”

Spencer laughed, “yeah she does. They probably read more books than I have, they make so many references all the time and they even dress up for what they’re reading, it’s amazing.”

They were amazed by how giddy he was, unable to stop smiling at him, “here we dressed up for the museum, I was milo from Atlantis and she was the old man in Tarzan,” he pulled his phone from his pocket to show them the photo.

It was his background now, Y/N sent it to him when he finally went back to his place Monday night, knowing he’d miss them. Not wanting him to be alone.

He was beyond proud to show them the photo, beaming from ear to ear as they all complimented his attire.

“She looks like you,” Kate added, “must be the genius gene,” she added, making awkward eye contact with JJ as they both clocked it.

“She’s exactly like me, that’s why Y/N likes having me around, it’s good for Amoreena to feel normal with the way our brains work,” he spoke about her like she was his own. Forever grateful to have her in his life.

“So when are you proposing?” Matt teased him. Knowing the feeling of love like this all too well with his perfect wife and a handful of children.

“I’m not trying to jinx anything,” Spencer admitted. “I actually have a job interview at the Library she works at later, so I’ll be around here a lot more.”

“He’ll be moved in by the end of the month,” Tara smiled, proud of him and the courage it takes to follow your heart.

“I’m going to miss you guys,” he presses his lips together softly, nodding as he avoids eye contact with them. “But you can call me whenever you need my brain, I guess.”

Hugs were exchanged as Spencer had to leave, Derek even offered to drive him back to his apartment to help with 4 boxes of books from his desk, and to have a bit of a talk like they always do.

“It’s surprisingly easy to be a dad, all you have to do is be there and love them,” Derek shared a tidbit of advice

“She told me she doesn’t mind me being like Amoreena’s dad, but I don’t think I can yet. I want her to decide when she wants me in that role.”

Spencer explains his feelings the easiest to Derek. Like he was already in his mind and knew the thoughts before he said them, Derek was never mad or disappointed in him. He loved him fully, and Spencer loved him right back.

“Like when you chose Gideon?”

Spencer can only nod, it’s still too sad to think about him being gone. “You know what it’s like, you love your father but there are other people in your life who fit the role better.”

“Yeah,” Derek agreed. “You’re going to be great, regardless of the name she uses when she thinks of you.”

“Thank you,” Spencer smiled as they pulled up to his apartment, “you should bring Hank to meet the animals this weekend sometime.”

“He’d love that,” Derek smiled back at him, patting his shoulder lightly. “I’m really proud of you.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it if you didn’t first,” he admits. “You’re a strong man who decided to put his happiness first, I can be too.”

“You sure as hell can,” Derek wrapped him up in one last hug before sending him off to live that best life he was talking about.

The only person who didn’t know yet was his mother. He wasn’t sure how to tell her, he knew she’d be proud of him regardless but that anxiety of disappointing her never went away even now that he was 40.

“Spencer!”

“Hey mom,” he smiled when she picked up. “How are you?”

“I’m fantastic, Marge and I are going on a walk later to see some ducks that were born, I really love it here Spencer,” he could hear it in her voice. She was much more joyful when she was surrounded by friends.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“you sound happy, what’s going on?”

She was his mother, after all, she could know exactly how he’s feeling from just hearing him breathe or being in the same room as him. It was like a superpower, she always knew what was going on.

“I met someone,” he can’t help but smile. “And I quit the FBI to have a family.”

“You’re kidding?” He couldn’t read her tone, not sure if she was surprised or disappointed.

“Her name is Y/N, she has a 7-year-old daughter named Amoreena who is exactly like how I was as a child, you’d really like them,” he explains and he can hear his mother's smile from his end of the phone.

“I would love to meet them, you can bring them to visiting hours next Tuesday?” Diana offered, genuinely happy for him in a way that made his heart burst.

“I’ll see if they’re free and I’ll let you know.”

“I love you, Spencer,” she reminded him. “It’s nice to hear you’re happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

“I love you too, thank you, mom, for everything.”

She hangs up before they can get too emotional, leaving Spencer inside his sad little apartment all by himself. Taking the opportunity to pack his overnight bag for Y/N and pick out some books from his collection to show Amoreena.

There’s an envelope sticking out of one of his books that manages to catch his attention, taking it out to see his name written on it in Gideon’s handwriting. He almost forgot he had this, how important the words were.

Spencer,

I knew it would be you who came to the cabin to check on me. I’m sorry the explanation couldn’t be better, Spencer. I’m sorry it doesn’t make more sense, but I’ve already told you. I just don’t understand any of it anymore.

I guess I’m just looking for it again, for the belief I had in college, the belief I had when I first met Sara and it all seemed so right.

The belief in happy endings. When you find that, never let it go, Spencer.

Don’t let this job do to you what it did to me, get out and get a life when you can. I have faith in you, till I see you again, take care, son.

Gideon

He walked over to the window then, seeing a beautiful red and brown bird perched on his fire escape. He couldn’t help but smile, “I found my Sara, thank you,” he whispers to the bird who turns its head to the side before flying off.

Gideon always did have the best timing and the best advice.

—

“Y/N, your one o’clock is here to see you,” the receptionist at the Library said over the phone, hanging up and returning her attention to Spencer, “she’ll be with you in a moment.”

“Doctor Reid,” he hears her voice as she rounds the corner, appearing behind a stack of books in the most beautiful blue dress he’s ever seen. “Lovely to see you again.”

“You too,” he smiles.

“Right this way,” she can’t help but smile as she escorts him to her office.

“I don’t normally consider people who don’t send in a resume, but I have a feeling you’re going to be good at this,” she teased him as he sat at her desk.

“Allison is going on maternity leave in a few weeks, so you won’t start until she has the baby. If you’re serious about wanting this position, it’s only Monday through Thursday, 9 to 2:30.”

“You’re not going to ask me anything?”

“I don’t know if you know this, but the literary historian and I get to spend a lot of time together, I’d rather hire someone I know I already like,” she smiled again. “And it would be nice to see you every day without a 7-year-old taking all your attention away from me.”

“You just want to live out the fantasy of kissing someone in the encyclopedia section, don’t you?” He teased her right back, making her blush. “I knew it.”

“Sue me!” She laughed, and he finally understood what tinker bell meant when she said farries are born from the purest laughter.

He was in love with her right then and there, he was sure of it.

It had been under a week and yet as he stared at her, hearing her wonderful laughter and seeing her beautiful smile, knowing she wanted to spend time with him, that she genuinely liked him and none of this was one-sided, it made him fall harder than he thought he could.

“Come on then,” he stands abruptly, taking her hand and pulling her out the door.

She tries to giggle quietly as she follows him all the way back to the quietest section of the library. Most of the books on the shelves didn’t even have bar codes because they haven’t been checked out since the 60���s, no one needs them but they can’t seem to part with them.

She backs up against the shelf and pulls him into her space, he drops her hands and holds her face instead, looking at her beautiful eyes as they sparkled in the fluorescent lighting.

“I was expecting this to be hungrier than this when I imagined it all for all these years,” she whispers, biting her lip to force her smile back.

“You’re just so fucking beautiful,” is all he can say, brushing her cheeks with his thumbs lightly a few times before finally placing his lips against hers, ever so gently.

Her hands stretched around his back, pulling him in closer till their bodies are pressed together and then she’s kissing him deeper. Breathing in through her nose like she’s trying to keep him there forever, her fingernails dig into his shirt and he knows she wants more.

He slid his thigh between hers, opening his mouth to give her all the access she wanted and letting her take control of the speed. She wasn’t kidding when she said she expected it to be hungrier. She was kissing him like it was the first time she has had contact with another human being in years, and it just might have been. She said she was single for a while before Amoreena, probably the whole time since as well.

“Spencer,” she took a moment to gasp for air, breathing against his lips as he did the same. “Can we?”

He kisses along her jaw then, moving towards her ear to whisper, “do what? Use your words.”

“Anything, just touch me please, god it’s been 12 years,” she begged as quietly as possible, tugging at his hair as he nibbled on her earlobe.

He kissed down her neck making his way towards her chest. Holding her by the hips now, she arched her back into the shelf as he kissed all the way to where her dress started to cover her breasts but he didn’t stop. Kissing over her clothes as he dropped down to his knees in front of her.

He undid his tie, slipping it off his neck and handing it to her, “in case you need to scream into something.”

She held it in her hand for a second, registering what he just said and moaning softly in response as she held it closer to her lips, he took that as a yes and slipped under her dress.

She was wearing just a pair of regular cut pink underwear, not expecting this in the slightest when she got ready this morning. He kissed her over top of the fabric, spreading her legs so that he could kiss the insides of her thighs as she tried to desperately grind into his face. grazing his teeth against her skin as she shivers, thighs shaking in anticipation.

He kisses right where her clit should be under the fabric, knowing he’s correct when she whimpers around the tie he handed her. It's muffled and adorable as he kisses her again and again, knowing she wants more and teasing her gently.

He pulls her panties to the side, mesmerized by how perfect she is for only a second before returning to the task at hand. Being the first person to pleasure her in years, wanting her to have the best time possible.

With one hand he holds her panties back, using his other to slowly swipe a single finger through her folds to see just how wet she was. Smirking against her thigh as he’s able to slip right in.

“Please,” he hears her whisper, lifting the dress up so she could look at what he’s doing.

“Such a good girl for me,” he pressed the words against her skin.

He spreads her legs even further, resting one of them on his shoulder as he dives in, sucking her clit into his mouth abruptly as he pumps his single finger in and out. She jerks her hips at the sudden contact, stuffing the tie in her mouth and biting down as she whimpers.

He knows what he’s doing, where all the pleasure spots are and what feels the best on most women. Searching around and trying different tongue movements, memorizing the sounds she makes and attempting to hear them again and again, knowing it means she’s enjoying herself.

That’s all he wanted, to please her. Not even realizing how hard he was as he continues to eat her out furiously in the back corner of the DC Public Library. He forgets they’re even in public entirely as he moans against her clit, sending shockwaves through her body.

She’s quaking then, holding onto the top of his head with one hand as the other grips a shelf. She’s panting into the material of the tie, the hot breath making its way through the fabric and stopping the whorish moans he knew she’d make. It had been too long since someone treated her right.

He added a second finger then, wanting to push her over the edge as he curled them, finding her g spot and caressing it with every thrust of his fingers. She clenched around him then, a high-pitched noise left her mouth as she finished around him.

He couldn’t help but smirk, re-moving his fingers and cleaning them off in his mouth. Releasing them with a pop before dragging his tongue along her one last time. Gathering up everything she released and placing her panties back over her nicely.

He kissed over her underwear one last time before fixing her dress and standing up, “did I manage to fulfill the dream?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, looking like she was coming down from a real high, not just an orgasm. She pulled him in close and held onto him for dear life as she continued to catch her breath, and then her hand started to wander.

“Nope,” Spencer whispered, moving her hand away from his aching cock. “As much as I want to, I’d rather fuck you at home.”

“Home huh?” She teased him, kissing his cheek softly as she pulled back.

"I love you," he whispers against her ear, without a fear in the world that she didn't feel the same way.

"I love you too, Spencer."

They couldn’t stop smiling at each other, it felt surreal to be this happy. He kissed her a few more times, staying hidden in the back corner until the blood in his body let this dick and went back to where it was supposed to be.

She just held him in her arms, leaning back against the shelves as they kissed softly, running her hands through his hair gently, over and over. She whispered a few thank you’s to him, letting him know it was everything she waited for.

It was truly perfect.

—

Amoreena was so happy to see him back at the farm when she got off the bus, she missed him during the few days he wasn’t there.

She asked him to help with her homework, her teacher assigning them an “all about me” project to showcase their growth at the end of the year ceremony. It was almost June, she only had a few weeks left before she was off for the summer and free to show him around the whole kingdom.

Y/N brought out a box of craft supplies and a collection of photos. Showing Spencer every single moment of her and Amoreena’s life.

From her first sonogram to the first bump photo, she had and every maternity shot on the farm you could think of, to the day she was born, her first bath, first steps, chocolate cake shoved on her nose at her first birthday, everything. He felt like he watched her grow up in the blink of an eye, staring at all the photos while Y/N and Amoreena made a plan for her project.

She did look a lot like him, in some instances, she even looked like his mom. There was a look Diana would get when she was intrigued with something, or when she was trying to figure something out. She’d bite her tongue and tilt her head, and it was exactly what Amoreena did.

He never thought he’d see a child-like himself this early, he always expected someone to contact him at 18 and surprise him like Rossi. He really never, ever thought he'd have a child in his life who he was blessed with watching grow up. He never believed someone would have a kid so much like him and allow him to see the world through their eyes. He was amazed by how lucky he got, to be brought into an already happy family that wanted him, they didn’t just need him.

There was no need for a father in Amoreena’s life, she was happily living her life with her grandparents and her mother, explaining to him that she had a bunch of aunts and uncles, plus 15 cousins and they all lived close too. Her life was full of people to love her, and yet she wanted Spencer to love her too.

“Can I put the photo of us at the museum on here too?” She asked Y/N, looking at Spencer to see if he was okay with it too. “I already told my friends that you’re my dad.”

He felt like he couldn’t breathe, he didn’t want to cry in front of her so instead he just stopped all movement inside of his body and held it in. Looking at Y/N who was also a little emotional as Amoreena went back to looking through the photos.

Amoreena didn’t even notice how their expressions changed, she didn’t understand the weight of the words as she said them. She was oblivious to the hole in Spencer’s heart that she was filling with glitter glue, making him feel like he was whole again.

“Yeah,” he finally managed to speak. “I’d love to be on your project.”

“I know you said we don’t need dads but I kinda want one,” Amoreena’s soft expression made his heart melt even more. He was putty in her hands, willing to be whatever she wanted from him as long as he could.

“When did you say that?” Y/N asked softly, confused as to where she was when they had a conversation.

“The other morning at breakfast, um, my father left when I was little. It was just me and my wonderful mother until I was 21, then I found someone to call Dad. His name was Jason Gideon, he was my mentor and he made he feel like I was smart and loved,” he smiled, letting her know he genuinely meant it. “There’s a big difference between being a father and being someone's dad.”

“What’s that?” Amoreena’s innocent mind running wild as she tried to figure out his meaning.

“Anyone can be a father when two adults make a baby,” he said softly, making eye contact with Y/N as she blushed. Knowing where he was going with this. “But dads are special, they’re the people who are supposed to make you feel safe and loved. A person who you can turn to for advice and know he’ll love you no matter what you have to say. Dad’s are supposed to love you forever, regardless of what happens in life. Just like your mom does already.”

Amoreena leaned into his chest, pressing her head against him softly. He wrapped his arms around her gently, giving her the tiniest hug he’s ever given. “I pick you then, you’re the best guy I know and I think that means you’d be a good dad.”

Y/N silently cried, getting up from the table and walking into the kitchen so Amoreena wouldn’t see her sob. Spencer tried to widen his eyes so the tears he was generating would slip back into his tear ducts. Not wanting to cry as she held him.

“I’d love to be your dad,” he whispered, kissing her head softly as she held him tighter. “But first I’ve gotta check on your mom,” he whispered into her hair. Watching her pull away and look for where she was.

“Okay,” Amoreena shrugged, returning to her project as he wandered into the kitchen.

She was leaning against the counter when he walked in, her dress pulled up over her face as she cried into the material. Wiping her face as Spencer walked in and looking at him with the happiest smile.

She was laughing into her tears then, shaking her head as she sobbed, “why am I crying?”

He laughed then too, pulling her into a hug and spinning her around gently as she kept laughing. Her face buried into his neck as she smiled, he set her down gently so he could pull her into a kiss.

Her cheeks were all wet as he held her face, peppering kisses to her lips as they both tried to stop smiling.

“I’m going to miss hearing her call you Spencer,” Y/N whispered.

“Me too,” he giggled again. “But dad does have a good ring to it.”

tag list:

@shemarmooresfedora

@spencers-dria

@spookyspence

@reidsfish

@manuosorioh

[rhaenyratargayen]

home for the summer // part II // f.w.

read part one

summary: song fic based off of home for the summer by sara kays. Y/N realizes who her heart has always belonged to.

word count: 2.4k 

warnings: none, the fluff you guys deserve :)

Her feet felt frozen beneath her, not due to the cold weather, but the hesitation within her. Suddenly all the warmth she had felt being home with the Weasley’s was ripped away as if a dementor had sucked it out of her. Her fingers and the tip of her nose suddenly felt the sharpness of the breeze, and her stomach dropped.

Joshua kneeled before her, presenting her with the most beautiful ring. He smiled up at her and she noticed the tears that pooled in his dark eyes. The white snowflakes contrasted his dark hair as they fell lightly on top like an angel’s halo. Joshua truly was an angel, sweet and gracious, always putting her first. But even with the heartwarming thoughts of her boyfriend swarming in her mind, Y/N couldn’t bring herself to say yes.

She glanced back at the burrow, spotting the gaggle of redheaded Weasley’s gazing at her through the window. She noticed their expressions falter, probably after noticing the fact that he hadn’t slipped the ring on her finger yet. Molly, Arthur, Ginny, and all the boys, Y/N paused when she didn’t spot Fred, and her heart fell to her stomach.

She quickly turned back to Joshua with the guiltiest look, but how could she grant him a life with her if her heart belonged to another? Deep down, Y/N knew that she always belonged to Fred. It was certain back in Hogwarts, the sparks she felt when he kissed her on the astronomy tower, or let her borrow his jumpers never quite faded.

Joshua was good, he was pure and he would make an extraordinary husband, but it wasn’t fair to him to accept his proposal and Y/N knew that.

She squeezed his hand as he looked up at her, and she pursed her lips.

“I love you, Joshua.”

Joshua sighed, lowering his hand that held the velvet box.

“I do, but I can’t–“ She tried to continue.

“It’s okay.” Joshua stood up, now towering over her.

She felt the wave of guilt wash over her as he stood. She could no longer see the crown of snowflakes on his head, and the pool of tears had finally released, cascading down his flushed cheeks elegantly.

She didn’t expect him to yell, Joshua was rather cool tempered. He was a very generous lover, but he surprised her. He pulled her to him and kissed her forehead, his hand cupped her cheek as he looked down at her.

“I love you, Y/N,” he nodded, “Thank you for giving me the best six months of my life.”

Y/N felt a few wet tears trickle down her face, tears she didn’t even know were forming at his words. Joshua tucked the box back into his pocket, to give to another girl someday, a girl who loved him just as much as he loved her. He deserved that, Y/N knew, but she wasn’t the one to give that to him.

“Still friends, yeah?” Joshua chuckled, contrasting the tears that still fell.

Y/N let herself laugh, feeling the weight lifted off her chest. She laughed, a melodic chuckle that had her curling into Joshua’s chest and hugging him tightly. He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back. They only stayed like that momentarily, before Y/N remembered the huddle of her second family watching from the window.

“Better go break the news then.” She pursed her lips.

Joshua exhaled a breathy laugh and nodded, guiding her back towards the back door with his hand resting on her lower back.

The atmosphere they walked into was awkward, no one spoke, silently waiting for someone else to go first. The Weasley family looked to Y/N almost with guilty eyes, like they didn’t know whether to congratulate her or apologize. She caught the sad smile Charlie threw at Joshua, and she squeezed Joshua’s hand in hers.

“Oh, Y/N.” Ginny broke the silence, pushing past her brothers to engulf the girl in her arms.

The group dispersed at the break of silence, Bill and Charlie came to Joshua’s side, leading him to the kitchen for another drink – one that he definitely needed. Molly scolded the snicker that left Ron’s lips, before smiling at Y/N who caught it and sent a wink Ron’s way.

She pulled back from Ginny’s embrace and found George’s eyes. His hands were shoved in his pocket, and even though Y/N wasn’t his twin it was like they could read each other’s minds.

“He’s upstairs.” George nodded.

Y/N gave him a gracious grin and pulled back from Ginny, rushing up the stairs. The bathroom door was open, the light still on as she reached the top of the stairs. She looked their first, considering everyone else was downstairs.

“Fred–“ She called as she entered, pausing as she walked into the empty bathroom.

She furrowed her brows, stepping back out into the hallway momentarily, and glancing up the stairs to the higher stories to the house, looking for any lights on or any sign of Fred’s presence. She stepped back into the bathroom and chewed on her bottom lip.

Had he left? Her mind wandered to dark places, falling down the rabbit hole of possible thoughts Fred was thinking. She wondered if he was angry with her, or if he ever wanted to see her again. Did he think she didn’t value their time, or value him?

She paced back and forth along the tile floor and paused as her breath hitched. She caught a piece of paper tossed in the bin, one with her name scribbled on it in Fred’s handwriting. As she reached in, she noticed the other half and felt her heart clench in her chest.

Tears pooled in her eyes as she held the two pieces of the letter to her chest. It was only split in two, she could easily piece it back together if it let her. She peeled back the envelope, carefully taking the two pieces of paper with the actual letter written on it. She held them side by side, reading over the messy handwriting.

Dear Y/N,

I don’t know when I’ll give this to you, if I ever do. The thought of you reading this is maddening. I’m not very good with words, you know this, but I figured if I wrote them down maybe they’d stop buzzing in my head all day.

Darling, you’re it for me. There’s truly no one else, you’re one of a kind. I was heartbroken when you left, and I told you I was proud of you, and I am, but the thought of being away from you for so long hurts like hell. You’re coming back soon, at least that’s what you said in your last letter.

Like I said, I don’t know if I’ll ever give this to you, but I love you, Y/N. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone else, I loved you before I even knew what love was, a tiny git on the train to Hogwarts sitting beside a pretty girl with wit. I hope you see this one day, Merlin I do. Whether it’s tomorrow or a century from now, my word still stands, I love you.

Forever yours, Freddie.

All the breath had been taken from her lungs, and the faint droplets that pooled in her eyes were now full blown tears streaming down her cheeks still burning from the cold.

Her heart tugged in her chest, begging to escape. She wanted to be with Fred, she wanted to be with him from the beginning and she cursed herself for not figuring it out sooner. Romania was a dream, an opportunity that filled her chest with light, but nothing was comparable to the feeling of loving Fred Weasley.

She thought back to the night she told Fred she was leaving, she should have noticed the fault in his gaze, she should have given in to the pit in her stomach when the words left her lips. And the night she came back, the night she spent alone with Fred under the stars, she should have noticed that it was the happiest she’d ever been.

Loving Fred Weasley was a high she never wanted to come down from.

It didn’t take long for her to grab her wand from her coat, she quickly repaired the torn letter and clutched it to her chest. She gripped her wand and apparated to the first place her mind told her.

She heard the crunch of dried leaves and dead grass beneath her boots as she carried herself quickly through the clearing before the open field. It was dark out by now, and the moon had rose to illuminate the ground below her.

She had put her heart in the driver’s seat, and her mind in the passenger’s, she trusted her heart to lead her where it desired, to Fred. So she rushed through the field, pulling her wand out and casting lumos to guide the way for her.

Pulling her coat tighter around her, she shivered as the snow fell before her feet, the light from her wand reflecting off the snow. As she continued on, she neared the center of the field, halfway between the trees she came out of and the trees across from her. She froze in her step as she caught the silhouette of a man on his knees.

She picked up her pace, catching the sounds of muffled sobs over the crunch of ice beneath her feet. Her breathing picked up and she felt the nervousness return to the pit in her stomach, as her body led her mindlessly, she called out into the night.

“Fred!”

The sobs stopped and the shadow of the man turned to face her. She exhaled a breath of relief as the moonlight illuminated his features, it was Fred.

She rushed towards him, but stopped in her tracks as she was an arms length away. Patches of blushed skin on his cheeks and nose were a sharp contrast to his usual pale, freckled skin. His hair was a mess, probably from running his hands through it so many times. Again, just like before, she felt her heart tug in her chest.

Fred’s eyes widened as he saw her, the remains of tears leaving streaks down her face. Against her chest she clutched a paper, his eyes scanned the note before his breath hitched as he recognized his own handwriting, the words he read over countless times reciting in his head like a broken record.

He was so caught up in seeing her before him, she looked relieved to see him despite the obvious distress in her appearance. He glanced at her left hand that held the note, there was no sparkly diamond ring on her finger, and his tears ceased.

He stepped forward, cautiously, he yearned to scoop her in his arms but his heart warned him not to jump too quickly. The back of his head spat heartbreaking theories into his thoughts, maybe she was only there to break the news to him first, before she returned to Joshua and kissed him under the mistletoe, showing off her ring to his family while they celebrated with butter beer.

She noticed his hesitation, it broke her heart. She felt the tears pool again at how broken he looked, and hated herself for being the reason for it. She took one long stride and wrapped her arms around his neck.

Fred’s arms instinctively wrapped around her waist, and as she relaxed into his hold, they tightened around her.

She leaned back far enough to look him in the eye while still being in his arms, and she released everything she held in from the years she knew him.

“I’m so sorry, Freddie,” She choked out, “I should’ve told you sooner, I shouldn’t have left! I should’ve stayed, worked at the shop with you and George and told you the minute I knew that I loved you Fred Weasley. I love you.”

His heart skipped a beat at her confession, but she barely gave him the time to rejoice in her feelings before she continued.

“I know you probably hate me now, I unknowingly strung you along this whole time, Godric, I’m an idiot.”

She stopped ranting when she finally looked him in the eyes again. His tears had faded to streaks just like her own, but he didn’t frown or grimace, he smiled down at her. His hand raised to cup her cheek, rubbing away the stray tears with his thumb.

“Why are you smiling?” She choked out a laugh.

“Because,” He leaned his forehead against hers, “You’re not an idiot and I could never, ever hate you, my love.”

She melted at his words, bunching up his shirt in her fists against his chest. She blinked, looking up at him through tear coated eyelashes.

“I have loved you for so long,” Fred continued, “And that is all I have ever wanted to hear you say.”

She laughed, a cheerful, glee giggle that had his body warming despite the cold.

“You’re not mad?” She asked, sheepishly.

“Mad?” Fred scoffed, “How could I be mad when the woman I’m in love with just told me she loves me?”

She smiled and leaned into him, brushing her nose against his. Fred tugged her closer, pressing against her back so that their chests pressed together. Y/N raised herself onto her tip toes, lips brushing Fred’s lightly.

Just the initial feeling of her lips again after so long had Fred’s eyes fluttering closed in bliss. He slowly leaned forward, gently pressing his lips to hers fully. She inhaled a shaky breath and released a calm one. She leaned into him, finding rhythm in their kiss, granting Fred access when his tongue swiped across her bottom lip.

He pulled back, pressing a quick peck to Y/N’s lips when they chased his own. His thumb brushed over her cheekbone and he pressed another kiss to her lips when he caught her gazing up at him so adoringly.

“‘m sorry it took so long.” Y/N giggled.

Fred shrugged, “It was worth the wait.”

He leaned down to kiss her again, finding that even after all this time, she still fit him like a puzzle piece, a perfect match.

————————————————

taglist: @starlightweasley @valwritesx @harrysweasleys @inglourious-imagines @cappsikle @whiz-bangs78 @levylovegood @wand3ringr0s3 @rogueweasleys @gloryekaterina @wolfstarsdaughter20 @charlieswanwhore @loony-loopy-lupinn @gcdric

[queridopascal]

Hello there @hb8301 and thank you so much for your request 💕 this took an unexpected turn if I'm being honest, hope you like it 😊

Regreso a casa (Pero Tovar x F!Reader)

17. Painting

27. I love yous whispered in the dark

Warning: SMUT, 18+, unprotected sex love making to be more precise (p in v), breeding kink, fluff

Prompts taken from this list

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Six months had passed since you last saw him. He had warned you he might have not come back, he had asked you if you were okay with him leaving you to seek his fortune, and you had given him permission.

There hadn't been a day when you didn't think about him, you prayed and hoped he was safe and… alive.

The grey sky and heavy rain didn't make things any easier: everything was enveloped in sadness and darkness, the entire village had fallen into a deep silence and all the inhabitants were holed up in their houses, not a single soul to be seen wandering in the streets.

It was around nine in the evening when someone knocked at your door persistently, with vehemence.

Must be a traveler who was surprised by the rain, you thought.

But when you unlatched the lock and opened the door, your heart skipped a beat as you recognized the man before you.

"P-Pero?" you muttered in disbelief with tears in your eyes and, finally, looked at him: his hair and beard were wet with rain, his heavy cloak completely drenched, but his eyes were the same as you remembered them, the warmest shade of brown dotted with tiny amber flecks, staring back at you.

"Don't cry, mi alma." he stepped forward and cupped your face "I'm back, I'm here."

"I-I thought you were dead." you cried, tears streaming down your cheeks only to be captured by the gentle touch of his thumbs.

"I had to make it home to you, I couldn't leave you like that." he whispered in a trembling voice and gazed at you like you were the only thing that mattered in the whole world.

You smiled at his words and pulled him by the lapels of his cloak, letting him into your humble house. It was dark and cozy, but the crackling fire provided just the right amount of light and warmth.

"Let me." still sniffling, you helped him out of his soaked clothes and made him sit on the chair by the fireplace "I'll prepare you something to eat."

"No need to."

"But you must be hungry… and tired."

"I am," he sighed "but all I want to do now, is to hold you in my arms."

You looked at him and he patted his thigh, still clothed with his wet undergarment. Walking over to him, he smiled at you and, once you were close enough, he put both hands on your hips and let you sit down on his lap, wrapping his arms around your body.

"Promise me you will never leave me again." you caressed his damp hair and he closed his eyes, losing himself for a moment in the comfort of your touch.

"I promise." he murmured as he reopened his eyes "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Pero tilted his head forward and kissed you with abandon, sighing into your mouth as soon as your lips parted to grant him access after months of craving you, longing for you. A gasping breath left your mouth when his tongue dipped inside, gliding against yours, tender but hungry at the same time.

"I missed you." you mumbled once your lips parted "Touch me. Please."

He stared at you for a moment, so beautiful and perfect before him, your pleading eyes the prettiest he had ever seen. Pero captured your mouth again, the kiss a searing one this time, which, paired with the eagerness of his tongue and the scrape of his teeth along your bottom lip, made your ache for him only heighten.

With his large hands settled under your ass, he carried you over to the bed, never breaking the kiss, and lay you down on it.

You removed his undergarment and tossed it out of the way, then touched his bare chest, scattered here and there with scars and little bruises, some new and some already healed. His mouth opened in a silent "o" when you traced the midline of his abdomen, soft and firm to the right point, until you reached the place where he needed you the most.

"Mi alma, are you ready for me?" he asked you, taking your chin between his fingers and tilting it up.

You agreed with a silent nod of your head and he kissed you again, slower this time, and helped you out of your gown, discarding it like you had done with his clothes.

He took a moment to admire your bare figure, his eyes tracing every curve of your body, lingering over the swell of your breasts. He touched you, slowly and gently, devoting his time in roaming every part of your silhouette as if memorizing it all over again after months of deprivation.

Positioning himself on top of you and between your legs, he skimmed your folds with the flushed tip of his cock, watching your face closely to study your reaction.

"Pero, please..." you pleaded, your body quivering with months of built-up need.

You didn't have to ask him twice, he was desperate to be inside you. Hiding his face in the crook of your neck, you gasped and cried out in unison as he entered you with a long, deep thrust that made your eyes roll back.

Pero gave you a moment to adjust to the sensation of having him inside of you after all that time, and he threw his head back when your inner muscles clenched around his length.

"Mierda." he hissed with his jaw clenched, his fingers digging into the tender flesh of your thighs and spreading them even wider.

"You feel so good." you cried out in a broken voice and he pulled out almost completely, before pushing himself right back in.

He set a perfect face, every push was rhythmic and controlled, the tip of his cock brushing against that delicious spot inside of you that you knew would make you come undone in a matter of minutes.

“You'd look so good bearing my child... ” he said in a low, guttural voice as he kept thrusting his hips, your foreheads now pressed together.

"I-I…" you cried out "Fill me up. Please."

He almost cried at your words and ducked his head to press his lips to yours, swallowing your moans and whimpers as you finally reached your peak, clamping down on his length and triggering his own release.

With a primal growl reverberating through his chest, Pero spilled inside of you, thick and warm, covering your walls with his seed before laying spent on top of your body.

{8 MONTHS LATER}

"It's finished." you announced while putting down the brush and oil paint colors you'd used to decorate the wooden crib he had built for your child.

During your pregnancy, he insisted you'd stay home and rest, so you had decided to brush up your artistic skills and start painting again.

Pero reached around you from behind and placed both hands on your swollen tummy, feeling the baby kick at the contact.

"Oh!" you exclaimed, surprised: it was the first time he had felt his child kick under his touch, the other times it happened he was at work at the carpentry.

"Tan pequeño y ya tan fuerte." ("So small, yet so strong already.")

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TOVAR TAGLIST: @gingib

[evakuality]

Matteo - episode two

Social media - I feel like the social media doesn’t always work for me just because I often sleep at the wrong times of day for Germany and so when or why things happened sometimes feels difficult for me to judge.  For example, I feel like the Sara and Leonie and messing around with David at PE feels somehow out of place.  They didn’t seem to know each other much on Friday when Sara interrupted Matteo and David and yet here they are hanging out and playing together like long time friends on social media not long after.  It’s a lovely set up for Matteo finding out more about David as he reluctantly follows Sara’s social media, but the connection from one moment to the other is difficult to follow.  More than ever I wish we had more of a sense of David and what he was up to behind the scenes so to speak.  Also, Sara’s desperation around Matteo when she’s talking to Leonie is so painful.  By the end of this episode Leonie is all ‘you need to get over this asshole’ but Sara is still super invested in this thing she’s built up in her head.  She wants this to be real so much that she’s ignoring all the red flags.  It doesn’t help that Matteo is actively curating his social media presence to fit in - so he does a lot of stuff with Sara for her Instagram.  That it’s all the same sort of stuff he does with his friends seems to go over her head - he doesn’t see her the way she wants to be seen, but then he also does things like knee-jerk into an invite to his home when he sees David hugging Leonie.  What he does and why makes sense (we’ll get to that in the actual clip) but it doesn’t make it any easier for Sara.  Though, really, she should listen to Leonie who is the only one in this scenario who has her back and can clearly see what is happening.

clip one - I really like seeing characters peacefully chilling in their own space and just being relaxed.  Matteo’s not exactly happy, of course, but he seems content in this scene.  He has his game, he has his little stalker moment on David and there are no expectations on him.  But then of course Hans comes along.  Hans, bless him, doesn’t mean to be forcing expectations on Matteo, but unfortunately he’s hitting some sore spots for Matteo.  Matteo knows he’s into guys, is fairly obvious about his attractions, but there’s this very painful understanding that the guys he likes can’t or don’t see him the same way.  David is still something exciting at this point - they made a connection and while Matteo doesn’t know if he likes guys too, he also knows they have some kinship on some issues.  So his gut reaction is to hide the picture he’s been looking at despite it being on his girlfriend’s Instagram, because it feels incriminating to him.  Here he is fantasising over yet another guy who is probably straight and probably has a thing with Leonie (he is extrapolating HARD from the small bits of info he has and from Sara’s reactions).  It’s sweet that Hans literally comes to Matteo to get advice on his choices of guys, but it feels threatening to Matteo both in a ‘I can’t let on that I’m gay’ way and because it feels like someone expecting something of him which he isn’t capable of giving - it’s very obvious that the guys Hans is choosing from and the type of guy Matteo likes are poles apart and so he literally doesn’t know which of the guys Hans wants is best.  They really aren’t his type at all.  

I also have to say that Sara’s demands for instant answers is exhausting.  Why do we have this expectation?  She’s decided that he’s not being good to her because he’s not instantly responding, but it shouldn’t be such a norm that we reply right away.  In Matteo’s case, he’s trying to chill and relax and we have both Hans and Sara intruding on that space with expectations of him.  My introverted self shudders at this and I feel for Matteo.

clip two - this of course leads into clip two when Sara confronts Matteo again.  She is once again, the one trying to use words and communicate properly.  This is exactly what we tell people to do when trying to work with relationships but she’s not really forceful enough as yet and she chooses to do it in front of his friends which doesn’t really work.  For her, she thinks this will legitimise it and has perhaps subconsciously picked up that he’s far more willing to play along if he has an audience and so this works for her.  But for him, it’s even more awkward than usual because she’s showing up his lack of attention in front of his friends.  So while she probably thinks she got some sort of positive sign out of this, for him this was very uncomfortable and he’s really starting to find it difficult to keep this up.  The discussion of relationships and communication in relationships is also very interesting.  Abdi, who seems to be really off the wall and stupid here, is the one who actually hits on the reality of the situation.  We see how attempted communication works in relationships alongside Matteo and Sara, but we also hear about Carlos and his frustrations with Kiki and a lot is being set up for the future.  We’re already getting set up for Matteo feeling really shit when David won’t contact him, when he feels played and on and off, hot and cold.  This thing with Sara here comes back to bite him later when he’s on the receiving end and it allows him to find his moment of kinship with Sara later on.  Once he knows how this feels, he realises how shitty he was being here.  

The ‘when they don’t talk to you, they want to sleep with you’ stuff is fascinating because a) that’s definitely not what’s happening with Matteo - he absolutely doesn’t want to sleep with Sara, but b) also it kind of IS what happens with David later.  He wants things to progress with Matteo but doing that means he has to come out and so he has to retreat.  Totally different reasons, but the idea is the same.  ‘You have a lot to learn’ the boys tell Matteo, and they’re right even if not in the way they mean.  Most of what Matteo needs to learn and figure out in relationships is actually touched on in this clip.  Of course, to really ram this point home, we get the deeply awkward Matteo and David meeting by the lockers.  David appears to be invested as well - coming up to Matteo, making the first contact here in a way.  It’s awkward for sure, but in a very different way to Sara and Matteo.  Here, they both want to actually connect but are still feeling out how to approach each other.  Of course, they are again interrupted before this can develop better, and again Matteo’s response to a romantic advice question is ‘I don’t know’ - it’s his way to slide out of having to be committed to something, but also both questions (Hans’ and Leonie’s) veer quite close to things he doesn’t want to be open about - interest in guys on the one hand and specifically David’s relationship status on the other.  So he hides behind these words and in both cases the person fills in their own gaps and assumes he’s helped them.

The bit with Amira and the weed is so close to the original that there’s not a lot to say, except that I do like that she gets to make her own defence with Matteo as a back up more than the one speaking for her the whole time as Isak does.  I’m also highly amused that they never attempt to make this exchange again and the weed just gets used by the girls.  Neither Matteo nor Abdi seems worried about it after this point.  For Matteo that makes sense - David starts to become much more important, but for Abdi it’s just funny.  Maybe he got some more weed somewhere and just decides it’s not worth pursuing anymore.

clip three - this clip is just sad all around.  Matteo clearly does care about Sara and he’d make a good friend for her but she has these expectations of him that don’t work for either of them but in totally different ways and they talk at cross purposes throughout the whole thing.  We find out later everything that’s going on with Sara here and why she wants distracting, but she’s chosen the wrong person or at least the wrong way.  And this whole idea that she can force sex on him when he’s very very clearly not ready is so uncomfortable.  Even if this was a very normal relationship in which both parties genuinely had feelings for each other, him pulling back and not being ready isn’t a bad thing and should be respected.  That Sara uses this as evidence later that he’s a shitty boyfriend is unfair.  He is a shitty boyfriend in many many ways but this isn’t one of them.  @sun-undone made a wonderful series of videos on this season and mentioned how awkward and uncomfortable the extreme close ups are in this scene (and many of the others between these two).  It works to make a claustrophobic and trapped feeling for Matteo.  We’re so tight on his face that he has no way to escape and what’s really interesting about it is that often when Sara is in reverse shot to these close ups the camera is further away allowing her to feel more comfortable.  Which sums up visually everything about this relationship really.

I want to touch briefly on the food thing - in this scene Matteo brings food for Sara, and food is usually used to show nurturing and caring etc etc.  And then he places it as far from her as he can.  Contrast this with how he uses food with David, making it playful and literally bringing him into its production and they eat together.  It’s very clear that while he cares about Sara and wants to connect with her, he’s not willing to properly nurture her in any of the ways she needs.  He also makes it very clear that it’s from her mother and not him.

clip four - in this context, clip four is very sad.  It’s just a short moment where Matteo watches David and sees him smile at Leonie and hug her.  It immediately makes him sad (sadder than usual, which is fairly sad at this point) and we just saw how little interest Matteo has in sex, but that sight and all the things it brings up for him (which have been set up through the previous episode) results in him deciding to just get it over with and try to sleep with Sara.  Of course, for her this means a whole different thing to him.  The emojis etc that he uses are really playful and happy but the Matteo we see on screen as he does that is so far from that it’s super painful to watch.  More examples of how his social media presence does not reflect his genuine lived experience.  She sees this as a final acceptance of what’s happening between them and how he now wants to be with her.  For him, it’s a final desperate attempt to stop being so invested in these guys who don’t want him and to focus on someone he knows actually does.  But it doesn’t make him happy, and he in fact looks much sadder at the end than he does at the start.

clip five - A continuation of the previous one really.  He’s decided this has to happen, has actively set up the date for the end of the week and is now trying to find a way to make it work for him.  But he looks SO depressed and out of sorts when he does so, made more so when the responses he reads are things like ‘why would you want to sleep with someone if you’re not into her’ which is a question he has no good answer to.  Of course we also get the moment when he finds David’s Instagram and the picture he’s posted and the way he responds to that is much more genuine and authentic than anything he’s done with Sara.  I do like how often we get subtle moments of comparison between how Matteo reacts to Sara vs how he reacts to David.  Once again the social media is nice in this part.  Hans and Linn and their conversations and the way Matteo is then drawn in and included.  I like that they chose to document such a small and insignificant moment, eating food together, in such a way.  It makes the ‘big’ stuff that’s scattered through feel more authentic when it’s mixed in with such normal social media behaviour.  

clip six - The cross dressing in this clip makes me feel really awkward, partly because cross dressing in general feels weird (just... dress however you like whenever you like, you know?) but obviously also because of David.  How horrible this must feel for him (and as an aside, the school must have known why he changed to them so late and how traumatic it has been for him - why did they approve the topic????), but consequently how good it must be for him that Matteo doesn’t engage with the dressing up.  On another note, Sara talking over Matteo is again a great representation of the whole way their relationship works (and how she thinks one should work maybe?)  She speaks for him and makes assumptions about what he wants in many of their interactions and it’s no different here.  I guess she’s so desperate for this to be something real that she can’t let anyone speak who may ruin that - up to and including her supposed boyfriend.  He looks so checked out and irritated with this whole situation when she’s talking for him and it doesn’t get any better after she leaves and the boys go right back to sex talk.  This whole episode is a good representation of how little presence Matteo has in his own life, particularly when he’s outside his own space and/or with other people.  The one person who sparks any sort of difference is David.  In this whole clip, Matteo doesn’t speak a word (he tries to but Sara leaps right in as if she owns his home, which.... hmmmmm) which is a huge contrast with the final clip:

clip seven - this is such a great clip and it’s fascinating that it’s so long compared to the rest given that not a lot actually happens in it.  But that’s part of its charm - this is Matteo’s and our chance to meet and get to know David properly which is allowed time to breathe and relax into it.  And over the course of the nine or so minutes, the two of them do get more and more relaxed and easy with each other.  Also, here’s to the random ticket collector who facilitated the start of this.  If he hadn’t come along and David hadn’t decided to step in to save Matteo from the consequences of his own actions, they’d probably still be staring awkwardly at each other to this day.  But also, Matteo’s flirting when he genuinely wants to do it appears to be ‘hey do you want to smoke?’ and despite David clearly not being all that into it, it works presumably because David is also besotted already and happy to go along with literally anything Matteo might suggest (like some terrible sandwich toppings).  

But honestly, the heart of this clip is literally this developing bond between the two boys and I was trying to work out why the montage ‘getting to know you’ sequence works better here than it does for Mia and Alex and I think in the end it comes down to baggage and also timing.  David is not dragging baggage behind him; we don’t have the same sense of ‘why does s/he fall for him?’ with David that we do with Alex.  In Alex’s case, Mia had been very open about how much she hated Alex and how he was treating Kiki and also just how awful she felt about being bribed into going on a date with him.  Given how important that was, we needed to see more of their bonding so we too could see Alex’s personality.  Instead we’re told that Mia starts to like him without being shown any real proof.  Whereas with David, we don’t know him just like Matteo doesn’t know him, so having some conversation filled with compliments and small moments of bonding and developing trust interspersed with the montage actually works.  We have a real sense of the sorts of things they’re talking about and the way they’re talking and we’re shown in montage that there’s more happening behind that.  In this case it works to show the development where for me it fell flat with Mia because of how long we were told and shown Alex was an asshole for.  

The upshot of this is that they have both shown vulnerability on screen by the end of the episode and have both shown themselves to be careful and considerate of the boundaries around those vulnerabilities (Matteo respects David’s wish to keep certain pages of his art book private and David doesn’t mock or scorn Matteo’s fears about not knowing what he wants to do after school).  It means that when David tells Matteo what his favourite movie is, Matteo is able to admit that he doesn’t know it.  There’s a long pause before he says it, almost like he’s weighing it up whether he wants to admit that or not.  But in the end he does say it, allows himself to show more vulnerability.  Unlike Isak, who tries to bluster his way through knowing what Even finds interesting, Matteo is willing to be real and genuine with David.  

Basically, this clip serves as a nice contrast to the rest of the episode, where people speak over Matteo and don’t allow him the space tp be himself.  Both boys here are able to be open and show themselves in a way that we repeatedly see Matteo at least unable to do so far.  So it’s not surprise that when reminded that Sara is coming he tries to remove himself from that situation.  The long look he gives David while Sara’s message is on screen really shows just how different these two people feel to him and honestly, she needed to take Leonie’s advice after this.  Matteo has made it very clear that Sara’s needs are not at the front of his mind and she really really should take that hint.  

[littlx-songbxrd]

Ok I meant to answer you're question about what I thought of the show ages ago but I forgot.

I LOVED IT OMGGGG! I got so many kitty vibes from Wilhelm and Simon! The touching! The softness! It's those vibes exactly! I want that energy in TWP.

COMRADE SIMON!! We stan! That speech he made at the very beginning about the differences in attitudes towards "tax evasion" vs. "Welfare fraud." Legend behavior.

Sara!!!! My girl!!!!!! An autistic/adhd character PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS!!!! THIS IS SO HUGE!!! I would die for my problematic queen. I made an entire post on her but the gist is, I get where she's coming from and understand why she feels the way she feels but dear God girl make better choices and stay the hell away from August.

Speaking of.... I wanna run August over several times. Vroom vroom motherfucker. The fact that he

- filmed MINORS HAVING SEX AND TGE POSTED IT ONLINE

-kissed Sara behind Felice's back when they were still dating WITHOUT HER CONSENT BTW

- Wanted to blame Simon for the drugs because he knew it would be easy because Simon's family is lower class and doesnt have the same social standing as one of the "members of the society"

- Also it didn't escape my notice that the cult like faternety type group with all the rich, mainly white boys is called The Society. This shows commentary on class is vv interesting. Especially the little things like two girls just randomly advocating for THE DEATH PENALTY. The rich people audacity.

-Anyways back to August, when he tried to excuse his actions with Wilhelm and get all teary like no bitch you can't manipulate your way out of this one. And again with Sara! When he said "Wilhelm has everything" I wanted to scream! Like he's fucking closeted and clearly suffering from panic attacks and extreme anxiety you moron.

-Anyways!! I also think that Wilhem might be autistic because he just feels autistic. Like the vibes are there.

- The girl group is so sweet? And to have the popular girl be a Black girl who isn't "stereotypically attractive" with a more medium sized body and bad acne. As someone who has really bad skin I needed that. Felice is kinda awesome imo.

Let me see what else??

-Simon and his mom speaking Spanish consistently throughout the show. It sounded pretty natural to me? But I'm not a native speaker. (Or even fluent honestly lol.)

- Simon and Wilhelm are honestly so adorable and in love and it made my heart ache. (I am so touch starved I swear..)

-My only main beef is the outing plotline and the show using an outdated medical term for Sara, aspergers. It's literally just autism. Also it's kind of offensive because Hans Asperger was a n*zi who literally killed autistic children because they weren't useful to capitalism. SOOOO yeah.

As for the outing plotline, I feel like the cishets have like three plotlines that they use for queer stories. Outing/coming out, one of them dies, or one if them bullies the other until they both fall in love. It's tired.

But overall I really loved it.

HI SORRY I HADNT REPLIED

I wanted to correctly talk to you about this series so I logged in through my computer to make it easier for me :D

LOOK AT THIS POINT IVE RELATED THEM TO LITERALLY EVERY COMFORT SHIP I HAVE LIKE. I've compared this to kitty, I've compared this to Thomastair, I've compared this to my friends to ocs who she has obsessed me with (youd actually like them if you liked this tbh) IVE COMPARED ME TO MY OCS

BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY I JUST LOVE THEM

IF KITTY DOESNT HAVE THIS ENERGY IN TWP WHAT WAS THE POINT

what was the point cc??

S I M O N

OH GOD WHEN HE SAID THAT I WENT OMG YEAH

new favorite character

Great

SHES PLAYED BY AN AUTISTIC ACTRESS?? Sorry I hadn't known! Haven't actually gotten to obsessively look at the cast I've been trying to get over the last episode BUT THATS SO COOL. SARA IS AMAZING AND I ADORE HER. I'll read your post after this! But of course STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM AUGUST GIRL PLEASE

Tbh I understood where she was coming from with everything with Simons image falling apart and her having to suffer when she had just started having friends , just after finding he had been lying to her. But love, AUGUST?

A U G U S T ???

WHO JUST FOUND OUT OUTED YOUR BROTHER

Also random and stealing this from @marzzinaa i totally hc Sara as a demi girl for some reason

Im kinda sad we didnt see her speak spanish as much we did simon :(

But oh well I LOVE HER AND YEAH STAY AWAY FROM AUGUST GOD

FAE WE RUN HIM OVER TOGETHER BROOM BROOM

You already said it all, I just agree

Ok I'll bring a machete you bring whatever you wish and we kill him sound good?

ALSO YEAH I TOTALLY NOTICED HOW THE ECONOMIC DINAMICS CAME INTO PLAY AND HOW IT BASICALLY LET YOU KNOW HOW THE PRIVILEGED ELITES COULD GET AWAY WITH ANYTHING

meanwhile they wanted to pass off to Simon who came from a lower class family the blame

Also I'd like to mention how that would also play into the stereotype latinos are all drug dealers

Which I love how they didnt make his dead beat alcoholic man the latino parent, when I first read the description I thought they might do that, but im so glad they didnt

I think it might have been a comentary idk i liked that they DIDNT make the poc parent the dead beat

THE FRIEND GROUP WAS SO COOL AND I LOVED ALL OF THEM AND YES FELICE WAS JUST <3

I love how they didnt make her stereotypically perfect AND YES MID SIZED REP WAS AMAZING TO SEE

Also im so glad you got to see that represented!!

So I am a native speaker and him talking to his mom MADE ME CRY

it was WONDERFUL I WANT MORE OF IT

pls most her phrases reminded me to my own mom

Autistic wilhelm you say?? omg tell me more (if you want)

Oh thats awful, well I'll just refer to Sara as autistic and hope the showrunners fix that next season because if they dont-

Yikes

Oh yeah, thats valid critisism. But in my opinion they actually wrote it pretty well so I wont really be complaining about an overall media problem with queer stories rn. If so I'll be here all day. But yeah its an overall problem but it wasnt done bad in my opinion so!

I'll shut up, for now

IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT FEEL FREE TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT IT WITH ME PLS ITS MY OBSESSION NOW IM GONNA BE ANNOYING ABOUT IT ALL MONTH

[nooneelsecomesclose17]

Robron week - Day 2

This is really really tenous given the prompts, but I loved the idea and I think I made it fit!

I now pronounce you...

Robert couldn't believe now time flew. It felt like only yesterday that he'd met his daughter and now she was getting married. He was waiting at the bottom of the stairs for her, Aaron outside on the excuse of checking the vintage car he'd spent months doing up for his baby girl, but Robert knew better. Aaron knew he wanted a few minutes on his own.

"Dad, you ready?"

"Been ready for hours sweetheart. You know your Dad and I got ready for our wedding in about twenty minutes."

"Which time?" He can hear the laughter in her voice, all three of their children were fascinated by their two weddings and teased them all the time.

"Haha very funny. Now come on, let me see this dress I'm paying for."

"It wasn't that much!"

"Your grandmother took you shopping, I'm sure it cost a pretty penny." He hears her footsteps at the top of the stairs and looks up. "And it's worth every single one."

She looks amazing, far too grown up for his liking. He wishes he could turn back the clock to when she was still tiny, hair in pigtails, begging him to play with her. Now she's fully grown, independent and beautiful and leaving them.

"Will I do?" She does a twirl in front of him the way she always used to, laughing as she does.

"You look beautiful. Your Dad's going to have a heart attack, you know he's not dealing with the fact you're leaving home very well. This might just tip him over the edge."

Aaron had been the one who had interrogated Euan when she'd brought him home, frightening him almost to death when he'd casually mentioned their time in prison over dessert, but in the end even he'd had to admit that they were perfect for each other.

Ana was full of dreams, regardless of any limitations and she'd ended up disappointed numerous times when she'd thought she'd failed, or things hadn't gone the way she'd hoped, but Euan seemed to balance her out, his feet firmly on the ground but fully able to keep up with Ana and her moods that he swore she got from Aaron, even if he insisted different.

"Do you think he minds that I asked you to make the speech?" He shakes his head immediately. He knew Aaron was relieved if anything, never one for public speaking, but Ana had still been worried, creeping down the stairs one night when Aaron was asleep to ask him the best way to broach the subject.

"No, course not. Anyway he's been telling me stuff to put in all week so it's just as much his speech as mine." He holds out his hand to her after checking his watch. "You ready?"

"In a minute. How did you...you and Dad, I know you started as an affair, but how did you know? That it was him you wanted?"

"Oh I don't know, it just crept on me I think. Some days it didn't matter what I had on or what I was doing, I couldn't stop thinking about him, he was there every minute, from when I woke up to when I went to sleep. You know when you've got a crush on someone and they're always in your head, and you can't shift them no matter how hard you try? It was something like that, only a hundred times more. Why?"

"I...s'pose I just wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing. You and Dad have got through everything together, I want me and Euan to be like that."

"Well maybe with a few less visits to the police station, eh?" She glares at him, looking just like Aaron. "And are you?"

"I think so. What if we're not?"

"Then your Dad and I will always be here. This is your home sweetheart, whenever you need it. But, you won't, because that lad survived dinner with your Dad, and an interrogation by your Grandma, and there's not many that can say that now is there." In fact they'd seen off more than a couple of her early boyfriends one way or another which she'd been grateful for eventually. "Right, come on, let's go make your Dad cry eh?"

He takes her arm, leading her outside, seeing Aaron polishing the front of the car. It's been a labour of love and no matter how much he'd complained about it, Robert knew he'd enjoyed every minute.

"There you are! I was beginning to think he'd taught you his escaping out of the bathroom trick." When he finally turns round Robert sees the tears start and he shakes his head a little. "Look at you."

"Dad." She's blushing and his eyes soften as he looks at Aaron. Somehow they've managed to raise three wonderful children. "Would you be really offended if we left the car here, and walked?"

Aaron looks stunned, after the fuss she'd made about it but he nods. "Whatever you want, it's your day. The two of you can drive it to the station later if you want. Your Dad will pick it up."

"I will?"

"Yes. So why the change of mind?"

"Just feel like walking. It's a nice day."

"It's freezing!" He can't help complaining. It was mid December after all. "The church heaters better be switched on!"

"Come on old man, don't want you seizing up do we." With that Aaron takes Ana's other arm and the three of them set off towards the church. When they reach it he's surprised that their other daughter, Sara, isn't waiting for them as she's bridesmaid, but there's no one in sight. "Must all be inside, can't say I blame them."

"No, they're not. Come on." With that Ana lets go of their arm and starts walking.

They end up outside the village hall and he and Aaron both stop when they see the guests gather round the exact spot where they'd got married years earlier. It's decorated with hundreds of lights and it looks like something out of a fairytale.

"What the..."

"It didn't feel right getting married in church, neither of us is religious, and besides the two of you haven't done too badly after getting married here. We decided to surprise you."

"How did you do this? I walked up to your Aunt Vic's this morning and there wasn't a single sign of any of this."

"Everyone helped. Seb was in charge, which means it's a miracle that it's all working right but anyway...surprise!"

He doesn't know what to say, and he can see Aaron doesn't either, he's just standing there, mouth open.

"Well done, munchkin, you've managed to stun them into silence." Seb ambles over, the tie of his suit already loose and his hair all over the place.

"Don't call me that! Idiot!" She manages to punch him in the arm before he darts away, her aim always good. "It's my wedding day, you're meant to be nice to me!"

"Yeah yeah." He grins at her before kissing her cheek. "Good luck...munchkin. You look amazing."

When he's gone she falters almost and Robert knows exactly what it is, nerves, a little bit of sadness that this part of life is over and a new one is beginning.

"You ready sweetheart?" Aaron's there, as always, calm and reassuring and she nods, taking his arm once more, looking at Robert to take the other. "Let's get you married then."

[aliaslua]

Right to live

Chapter 02 of my on going series: In broad daylight

Chapter summary: Michelangelo has a productive therapy session after his interview. April and Casey announce their wedding and in a jealousy crisis, Donatello has his first one-night-stand. Warning: This chapter contain light smut (mature, not explicit) if you're a minor please DON'T INTERACT. TW: Trauma mention (nothing too graphic or descriptive, but it does contain a short account of a panic attack).

Michelangelo started therapy after his first panic attack.

It was - maybe - the worst night of his life. At that point in time he didn’t even knew what a trigger was - and even if he did, he wouldn’t be able to identify or anticipate his reaction. If felt like he was dying in a literal, visceral sense. It was like having a bomb growing inside his shell, the beating counting down to a heart attack, he felt his lips cold, his head heavy and the touch of Donatello’s hand in his shoulders felt cold against his skin for the first time in his life. He could still remembers his brothers calling to him and his inhuman effort to look them in the eyes, just as he gazed into the house he grew up in and didn’t recognize the color of the new floor tiles.

The rest was a blur.

Dr. Miller was April’s last effort to persuade Leo and Raph that Mikey needed professional counseling. At this point, Mikey didn't have enough will to have a strong opinion on his treatment, he didn't have the will to do anything, really. All his days were spent sleeping by day and having terrible night anxiety, followed by an earth-shattering cry until morning, when he went back to sleep.  Despite their best effort to care for and protect the younger sibling, all of his brothers knew that he had become impossible to handle - and more important than that, his emotional and physical dependency got so intense that it was perfectly clear that there was nothing they could do: Michelangelo need help, professional help.

On the first day they entered Dr. Miller’s office, April had reassured everybody she had send the therapist recent photos of Mikey and explained all his possible triggers in detail. The clinic would open two hours early so that they could have privacy and that this first encounter would include Mikey, his brothers and Sara Miller only.

Mikey was so nervous he felt like this situation alone would end up triggering his next attack: his hands were sweaty, his chest heavy and the feeling in his stomach made him realize that maybe he would throw up all those recent pizza slices. When the door to her office opened, he felt an immediate relief upon looking at her.

Sara (as he would start calling her later) was a 67 years old black woman, wearing a knitted cardigan and a puffy ponytail. She looked at him with eyes free from any king of judgment: any kind of feeling at all, actually, it was very… neutral. After gazing at him and his brothers she had smiled lightly and then calmly said:

"Good morning. I am Dr. Miller. Are you Michelangelo?" Mikey just nodded " Welcome. Please, come in.”

So he did, on that Monday morning and all the next yet to come, for two years straight.

━━━━━━ • ✿ • ━━━━━━

“Did you see the interview?” Mikey asked just as he entered her office, not even worrying about greeting Sara.

“Yes I did.” She answered with the same peaceful deep voice, unbothered by the absence of a greet “You looked very handsome.”

“I sure did!” The mutant turtle seated at the large red sofa, his body melting in the comfortable cushions, he grabbed one of the small pillows behind him and held it tight against his chest “Ugh! It was so fun!”

Sara smiled. She always gave him a kind of smile that made Mikey feel like she was the perfect embodiment of a fairytale grandma and for the first time, Michelangelo actually considered she might actually be someone else’s grandmother.

“I am glad to hear that. Did you do the exercises he practiced?”

Mikey hummed “It helped. But what really made all difference was that Leo was there. And April. Oh, April is getting married!” He announced “She and Casey told us about the engagement just after we all saw the interview air. It was a great night.” He stopped for a minute and laid his head against the couch, focusing on the abstract painting that always caught his attention since the first day he sat there, he knew his voice let out a sadness he was trying to hide. He didn’t need to pretend there.

“It was… Weird, I guess… Like, I should be happy for them, right? Casey is a nice man, he treats her right, they already have a life together, an apartment with a huge TV and an aquarium… I can’t argue with that, right? Right?” Sara didn’t answer, Michelangelo laid his head completely on the couch, staring at the sealing “She was my first love…. Or something like it. I feel so attached to her and…” He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, trying to measure all the feelings filling his chest “...I think I… Should I feel happy for her? Because I felt… Huh, I felt betrayed.”

“Do you feel resentment?” Dr. Miller finally asked, gazing calmly at him.

“Yeah, I guess… I didn’t know what I expected... and I don’t want to marry April. Not anymore, I mean. She is like a sister to me. No! It’s more than that… She’s like… I- It just.. it was all so fast! Everything is so fast right now, and she decided to announce just as the interview ended and I felt so… I felt so overshadowed!”

“You felt it was your night.”

“It WAS my night. And I don’t mean to sound selfish, you know? I just… Wished they had waited.”

Sara looked at her patient making a conscious effort to avoid giving away her own feelings, the enormous man in front her had a gloomy expression and tired eyes.

“Mikey, is not the first time you mention feeling like this.”

“Like what?”

“ Overshadowed .” She quoted him.

“Yeah… I guess it's something I’ve been feeling for a while.”

“You mentioned once that you felt… Smushed, is the word you used.”

“Yeah. Smushed between my brothers.”

“Hmm” Sara nodded “What about that?”

“Well, you know about that… They are all special in their own way. Leo is the leader, Raph is the muscle, Donnie is the genius, I am the… Comic relief?”

“You sound like you are all characters of a cartoon.”

“We look like it!” Mikey said, humorous. Sara did her best  to contain a tiny smile that formed in her cheeks.

“Well, you are your own person, Mikey. You don’t have to fulfill an imaginary role you fantasized for yourself.”

“Yeah I feel like you’re always telling me that.” He sighed “What this has to do with April?”

“You were telling me about her engagement…”

“Yeah. It was crazy… I mean, me, Leo and Raph kept it together but Donnie just… Bolted.” A nervous laugh escaped him “She told the news and he just… Left. I guess it was too much for him. You know, April was the only person we knew for so long… It was only natural to fall for her, right? She’s so nice, kind, and after the expected first meeting shock she treated us with… Dignity is the world Master Splinter likes to use... But then we all grew out of it.”

A long silence followed before he complemented:

“I guess Donnie didn’t”

━━━━━━ • ✿ • ━━━━━━

Donatello felt his feet too tight against the leather shoe and considered for the third time on that evening that maybe this was a terrible idea.

Ignoring his own better judgement, he knocked.

Alicia Ellis awakened in him two utterly contradictory and madding feelings: disgust and lust.

Many times he had tried - and succeeded- at disguising the amount of attention he paid to her body, especially since the context they first met didn’t allowed for flirtatious endeavors and despite knowing his physical body was searching it’s hormonal peak, Donatello proud himself on being utterly respectful: an effort that he felt he was making alone. Ellis never even tried to hide her indiscreet wants, playing with their encounters just enough to not be considered harassment, but clear enough to not allow ambiguity. Was that even possible? Donnie asked himself. Did it even matter now?

He felt disgusted mostly towards himself, actually, knowing full well why he had come to her apartment after that eventful night, just as the women he thought he could win over announced her engagement to the man he honestly felt he could one day surpass - pathetic, he beat himself again, cringing at the mere fact he once imagined a possible future for them, together. What a pathetic, emotional, delusional monster you are, dreaming about the pretty girl that once held your hand… And now you surrender to your most selfish desire, luring this woman who will be stupid enough to let you in.

This is going to ruin you. Was the last thing he thought before she opened the door.

She was astonishingly beautiful, with her thick luxurious wavy hair and round plump figure, pressed against a tight outfit he didn’t have enough interest to notice in detail.

“Took you long enough.” She said in a malicious tone, grabbing him by his belt. The apartment was warm, had a delicious floral smell and it was lit in subtle yellow light that mimicked candles. It was sexy, inviting and terribly scary, just like her.

This is going to ruin me . The feeling echoed towards Donnie as he willfully closed the door behind him.

It wasn’t hard for him to understand why a woman like her would take interest in being with a man like him, the internet had allowed Donnie to have a very indiscreet access to the human world - especially since people seemed really comfortable in sharing online things they wouldn’t even tell a best friend - and he knew way before they even came out to the surface that most probably wouldn’t be difficult to find someone willing to share a bed with him. Alicia was just a part of a very niche - yet not so small as one may think - group.

The thought brought him a small relief and a strike of courage that he much needed at that moment.

“I didn’t think you would come.” She said, bringing two glasses of a clear-yellow liquid. What an inappropriate move to bring a glass of white wine to a young adult not-yet-of-age , his better judgment told him as he accepted the glass, but wasn’t he 21 yet? Yes, he was... Maybe it was just judgment.

“Me neither” He answered after a sigh, too honest for his own sake.

“What changed your mind?” She mischievously asked, crossing her legs in an angle that brushed against his knee.

Donatello considered for a minute to said the truth, my heart was broken and honestly I really want to have sex, how would she respond to that? Was there a polite way of saying it? Instead, he said: “I’ve decided to change my approach on things.”

“Oh, really?” She smiled honestly “...And how’s that gonna happen?”

I will take every opportunity that life gives me, irrespective of its consequences, “I’ll stop sabotaging my wants…” He turned his body a little bit in her direction, he had planned a second sentence to follow but it seemed like he had already said all she needed to hear.

She slid her knee between his legs to climb his lap, brushing the space between the buttons of his shirt lightly. How quickly she hopped on top of him and how quickly his body responded to the feel of her warm perfumed breath against his neck. “That’s great to hear.”

It wasn’t Donatello’s first kiss but the tension of feeling the soft lips of a woman he barely knew nothing about added to the oh-so-suggestive friction of her thighs against  his zipper made it an entirely new experience. If he granted himself a moment of reason, Donnie would most likely find her too hurried and eager - but again, what was his experience in this field? Wasn’t this how the encounter should go? What else was he expecting? Independent of what his reason may have considered, the friction of her palms against the now prominent bulge in his pants added to the delicious sounds coming from her throat made every single indecision go away.

He felt his head light and dizzy as their tongues danced against each other and the urge to feel relief made him bold. She answered the squeeze he gave her bottom with an audible moan that gave Donatello’s stomach a cold wave of shock along with the first visible stain in between his paints. She felt the thickness of his fluid against the fabric and smiled against his lips.

“Such a passionate… response.” She said in what sounded like a performative tone - well, she was a journalist.

He took her incentive and slide her tube dress above her ass, stoking it as he lowered his lips to her neck. Her skin was soft and the way it reacted to his mouth - the small flinches of her body and the building pressure between his legs could only compare to the amazing feeling of her silk soft thigh skin. She used her hands to guide his head further down, lowering the piece of garment herself, he instinctively took one of her nipples in his mouth, enjoying the contrast between the soft skin of her breasts and the beaded texture of her nipples.

When Alicia laid her body against him on the couch, he followed her moves and felt the soft pillow against his head, the discreet but unmistakable sound of his zipper being opened followed by her stocked gasp at his member followed by “Oh I’m gonna have fun tonight!”. Donatello held her waist closer to his own, trying to reach her lips again, wondering if he could say the same. The warmth between her legs and the delicious feeling that jolted through his body and she aligned him to her entry - and the irresistible pleasure of feeling his tip tease her plump lips - made him think that the most likely answer was yes .

...And what an unnecessary concern the wine proved to be: he didn’t even get to drink it.

━━━━━━ • ✿ • ━━━━━━

“...you know, Raph made a friend.” Mikey had stood on his feet and now looked through the squared window. He had a regular habit of standing up during the sessions, usually as they were reaching the middle of the appointment. Sara it wrote down anyway, before adding:

“Really?”

Mikey hummed “...It’s a complicated story - but he left to buy a bear, this old man didn’t want to sell it to him, so he got really angry, so someone threatened to call the police, so he started to freak out and then this… girl appeared!”  He was switching his body height between his legs “Clara. What a name! Heh- I don’t get to say that, huh? Well, her name was Clara and he said she looked like an anime version of a character from Fresh prince of bel air … Can you imagine?” He turned to look at her. Sara just nodded.

“Wanna hear some really crazy stuff? Raph told me that they were talking and she told him she saw my interview… and she said she was in love with me!” He offered his therapist an incredulous happy smile “ME! Can you believe it?”

Sara hummed and made another note.

“I know she was kidding, I don’t think she loves me. But saying it like this sounds like… Like I am a celebrity! Like she would like to know me… Like…”

“Like you have been seen.”

“HELL YEAH!” He exclaimed, sitting down on the couch again grabbing his trust-worthy pillow “... And that sucker didn’t even got her number…” A deep sigh followed silence. Very discreetly, Dr. Miller checked her watch.

“It doesn’t matter, really, it just made me realize… That I wished I had someone…”

More silence.

“-I know I already have someone, if that's what you’re gonna say… I know my brothers are my care net and that I have friends and confidants, and bla bla bla”.

“Well I wasn’t going to…” She said peacefully.

“ I want… A lover . Someone to be my special one. Someone to cherish and spoil and share my life with! Someone who can say they’re in love with me… For real.”

More deep silence.

“... And why don’t you?” She finally prompted. Michelangelo turned to look at her with a impatient expression:

“Are you kiddin’ me?”

“I am definitely not.”

“You can’t be that cynical!”

“I am not.”

“Sara…” He sighed uneasily “... not this again.” she heard pain in his words.

“You have the right to live, Mikey.” She gazed at him with the same kind eyes, letting her strong words get to him “...Just like anyone else.”

This time, that was an anxious silence. Michelangelo rubbed his hands together as if he was facing a cold storm “What if it happens again?”

“Then you will do what we practiced.” She waited for an answer that didn’t come “... Do you wanna remember it once again with me?”

He simply nodded.

“I am more…” She started.

“...than people perceive me.”

“I’ve the right…”

“...to occupy space.”

“No one…”

“No one can deny me my right to live.”

“That was great, Mikey.” Dr. Miller said kindly.

He squeezed the tears away from his eyes, not even realizing they were there. “...Yeah… Yeah, it was.”

━━━━━━ • ✿ • ━━━━━━

It was certainly.... Memorable , Donatello thought, staring at his brand new shoes as they made the path back to the lair. How was it again that he found himself in that situation? That sad looking, empty feeling, walk-of-shame. Oh, yeah, Alicia Ellis.

Something felt terrible wrong about that whole endeavor. He tried to think about the details, to analyze the facts: it has been clearly consensual, sober, communicative sex. So why did he feel like some part of him had been left behind in that apartment? Was it his clear shyness when they finally consumed the act or her generous overlook at his even clearer lack of experience? Had him fail his mission? Factually not! He performed… Fine - it was hard to measure, but she seemed pleased enough. He was also pleased… Physically, at least.

So why did he feel so… Empty?

He walked among the streets of New York without the concern his older brother seemed to carry. Donatello was always really good at not carrying - just as he was good at carrying too much . Oh, yes, his overthinking nature was still going to kill him, no matter how hard he tried to pretend like it didn’t matter at all.

Nothing mattered, everything mattered. What a contradictory and childish state of mind. Could he ever find balance? Would he ever be able to take risks and still be prudent? To be disappointed and not lose all faith? To love deeply and move over from it, stronger and ready to love again? Did he ever truly love her ?

He remembered her ring shining against the light, mocking his defeat. A zirconium, Casey Jones…  Can’t even buy her a real diamond . He muttered to himself and the night, kicking a small rock in the path.

The worst part, the real strike of the devil - was the fact that she looked immensely happy. Heartbreakingly happy. And there was nothing, nothing in this world that Donnie could think that could justify taking this away from her - not even the fantasy that she could be happier.

He took a deep breath and grabbed the keys in his pocket. That was no way out of it: we would have to get over her. At least now he knew that running away to unknown women’s homes was not a viable solution.

[lilyharvord]

Would u consider writing a marecal fic where Mare gets pregnant without knowing in the middle of everything and then has a miscarriage during like a battle scene and she’s all confused and hurting and Cal is freaking out and then he helps her through it??

May I... may I interest you perhaps in Cal not knowing at all?... And it’s sort of in the middle of everything sort of not.... and she loses the baby while she’s alone? Um...so yeah, for some reasons I couldn’t stop thinking about that scene in The Help while I thought about this ask, so here we are...  wow this shit was sad... ): 

Closing the door as softly as he could behind him, Cal smiled to himself before softly setting his bag down next to the end table that took up more space in the tiny hallway than necessary. Edging forward to glance around the corner at the living room, his smile slowly died when he realized it empty. 

There was a set of schematics on the beat up coffee table, and a cup of tea next to it though. 

Stepping completely into the room, he ran his hands along the worn back of the couch, and glanced at the papers. They appeared to be a set of battle plans for an assault on a Lakeland stronghold. Tyton’s name was even signed at the bottom of them. Cal flipped the folder closed, not to stop him from looking at it though. The door was unlocked, which meant anyone could have been here. Gisa could have walked from her shop a few blocks over, or Ruth could have swung by and dropped off the tea leaves from the little terrace garden she kept. Neither of them had clearance for those files, and if they had seen them it put them at risk.  

“Mare?” Cal called softly, and regretfully. He hoped that his visit would be a surprise. He had a whole evening planned. First he’d surprise her here, then they’d take a walk into downtown Ascendent, and then he’d buy her dinner at her favorite restaurant on the lake. Plan never lasted the first ten minutes of battle. He found himself repeating that phrase more and more lately. 

When there was no reply, he walked back into the hallway and poked his head into the kitchen. The tea box was open, and he took the two steps it always took him to reach the counter. Mare’s shoebox apartment sometimes drove him insane, simply because it was so small they were always on top of each other when he stayed here. But it felt oddly empty without her loud personality filling it right that second.  

He set his hand on the kettle and lifted the lid. It was still practically full, and the water was hot. She had just poured her tea and sat down... he smiled and then gently closed the lid and spun around to search the kitchen. 

“I told you once that I was a good hunter. I still am a very good hunter, and if you want to be found...” trailing off with a smile, he edged back into the hallway and walked towards her bedroom. Opening the door quickly, he almost jumped into the space. The bed was mussed, she obviously hadn’t made it this morning, and her sleeping clothes were thrown on the chair near the window, but there was no sign of her. 

Now he just felt stupid for calling out like he did. 

Something clattered in the bathroom, something heavy. It almost made him jump out of his skin. “Mare?” He called to her. When she did’t reply, he crossed the room to the worn bathroom door. He remembered having to sand it down when she first moved in because the last tenant had left it a mess. 

The handle stuck when he turned it, and he tried it twice more before recognizing that it was locked. Knocking softly and calling through the wood, he tried to keep his worry out of his voice. “Mare are you okay?”

“Yes. Fine. Just need... a few minutes. Go to Gisa’s shop and wait for me.” 

HIs brows drew together when he heard the strain in her voice. Turning away from the door he crossed to the nightstand on the other side of her bed where he thought she kept the emergency key to unlock any door in the house. The landlord had warned her it was an old house and the doors tended to lock on their own and that it was best if she kept that key on her at all times just in case. 

Before he could open the door, there was another heavy clatter followed by a something that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Spinning on his heel, he dropped his shoulder as he hit the door as hard as he could. It splintered under his weight and he ended up almost spilling onto the ground when he fell through. 

He managed to catch himself on the sink but the first thing he still noticed was the metallic reek of blood that permeated from almost every direction in the bathroom.

“Get out! Get out Cal!” Mare screamed as she threw part of the towel rack that had fallen to pieces around her at his head. He barely managed to dodge it, but he couldn’t take his eyes off of the puddles of blood around the tiny bathroom. His heartbeat was practically in his throat as he slowly raised his eyes to see Mare curdled up on the floor against the edge of the bathtub, her face red and tear streaked. She looked terrified, or perhaps sick. All the color was gone from her face, and that scared him more than anything. 

Hesitantly, so he didn't touch anything around his feet, he slowly crouched down, searching Mare for a wound. There’s wasn't a visible one that could have possibly spilled that much blood. 

“There’s so much blood. I didn’t think there’d be so much.” Mare hiccuped before gripping her hair in one hand and clenching it into a fist. When she closed her eyes, more tears rolled down to the join the others in neck of her thick sweater. 

“Hey, okay, it’s...” was it going to be okay? Cal didn’t think that was best thing to say anymore, so he slowly rose to step over the blood and join Mare on the other side of the puddles. 

“I lost it.” Mare whispered as he slowly sank down onto the floor with her. “I lost it.” She repeated once more when he slowly wrapped an arm around her shoulders and brought her towards him so she could bury her face in his neck.

 Her face was burning against his still wind kissed skin. Glancing around the bathroom once more, Cal slowly began piecing things together. His stomach dropped to his knees when he reached the obvious conclusion, but he didn’t dare say anything in case it made this whole thing worse for Mare who seemed to have finally quieted in his arms. 

“I barely had it,” she croaked, “I didn’t even know if it was a boy or--or a girl. It didn’t even have fingers or toes.” 

He ran his hand up and down her back slowly, trying to keep her sobs at bay. She didn’t seem in danger of dropping into hysterics, but then again, Mare had always been spectacular at hiding how close she was to the edge. 

“I told Gisa... and she told my mom.” This time a tiny sob escaped. “I told Sara I was coming to see her tomorrow.” 

“Let’s get you in a warm bath.” Cal whispered against her temple. He pulled a hand away to stretch and turn the bath on when she didn’t protest. She only curled his jacket into her fist, but didn’t say anything else, not even when he slowly lifted her to remove her shirt and the remainder of her undergarments. Tossing them into the corner, he slowly wrapped an arm under her legs and lifted her off of the ground. Steam rolled out of the bath and around the room, fogging the mirror. The room was horrible at ventilating, it always had been. It drove him insane when he showered because it was like stepping out into a muggy Archeon day when he finished. 

Setting Mare in the water, he picked up a towel and set it over the largest puddle of blood before grabbing one of the small washcloths. When he turned around, Mare had drawn her knees up to her chest and was staring blankly at the other side of the bath. 

Dunking the cloth in the water, Cal sank to his knees outside of the bath before pressing it to the base of Mare’s neck. Squeezing it to run the water down her back, he whispered, “The next one...” he swallowed, realizing the mistake, and ended up biting his tongue. After this traumatic incident, he highly doubted there would be another one ever again. 

“I dreamed it was a boy two nights ago,” Mare’s spoke as if she hadn’t even heard him. Then again, maybe she hadn’t, because her lips had curled up at the edges into a whimsical smile that made him pause from wiping the cloth up and down her back. She closed her eyes and expelled a long sigh along with one more tear. He tracked its path as it rolled down her cheek, counting the long seconds that she sat in silence. The last thing he wanted to do now was say something that pushed her deeper into this terrible moment. 

When she spoke again, it was with a crushed whisper. “I’d already named him Shade.” Her shoulders caved with the name, and she dropped her head to rest it on her knees, as if suddenly the weight of that idea, or dream had become too much. Dropping the cloth into the water, he replaced it with his hand on her neck, caressing the heavy branching scars there. 

 “Then we’ll bury him by the lake. Near your favorite tree.” He whispered, and she finally turned blank eyes on him. He’d seen a similar ache in those eyes before, when she’d lashed out on the Blackrun, and when she’d stared him down on a balcony after making a decision that had almost ruined his life. It was a bone deep sorrow, an ache for a future that could never exist. 

He gave her a halfhearted smile in response, and she nodded before reaching out with a dripping hand to cup his cheek. Water rolled down and droplets landed on his pant leg, and still he couldn’t pull his eyes from her face. She returned his smile, but that look didn't leave her eyes. 

Reaching up, Cal closed his hand around hers and slowly brought her fingers to his lips. “I’m here. For as long as you need me to be, I am here.” And in that boiling bathroom, surrounded by smoke, he let unspoken words hang between them. 

And I will be there long after you no longer do. 

[youllneverknowrac]

Oscar Diaz-No Sharing

Written for a follower on wattpad

Enjoy guys! <3

~

It was your senior year, the year everything was suppose to be perfect. You already had the somewhat perfect life, at least in your own opinion. You were the top cheerleader and your boyfriend of two years just made captain on the varsity team. You had straight A’s and amazing friends...See? Perfect. That was until Oscar Diaz got out of jail and walked into your life a few weeks ago.

You met him the last weekend before school started back up at a party that you attended after a argument with your boyfriend. His party to be more precise. One thing led to another and somehow you ended up in his bed. Your boyfriend long forgotten as Oscar thrusted into you, his lips making sure to cover every single inch of your body. After that, you were hooked. The two of you meeting up almost every night for a secret rendezvous.

“What are you thinking about?” Oscar asks softly as you lay your head on his chest.

“Hm? Oh nothing, just the game tomorrow.”

“Damn I forgot you had a game tomorrow.” Oscar frowns, hating that practices and game days took up so much of your day,”You gonna come over after? You can stay the night.”

“Our first sleepover?” You smile as you sit up in the bed, the sheet falling into your lap and exposing your bare chest,”Sounds fun.”

“Well on one condition.” He smirks as he takes in your freshly fucked body,”You gotta bring your little uniform and put on a show for me.”

“You’re so lame.” You giggle as you throw the rest of the sheet off of you,”I’m not saying no, but I’ll let you know tomorrow.”

“Why? Plans with your little boyfriend?” Oscar asks, his mood completely changing,”You still letting him hit?”

“What? No!” You scoff as you search for your underwear,”I haven’t slept with him since I met you. Why are you even bringing him up?”

“I’m bringing him up because he’s obviously the reason you can’t give me a straight answer about tomorrow.” He says as he reaches for

his boxers and pulls them on from where he still lays,”I don’t know why you can’t just leave his ass.”

“Oscar.” You sigh softly as you pull on your underwear, followed by your t-shirt,”I’ve been with him for so long, I can’t just break it off for no reason.”

“Oh so I’m not reason enough?” Oscar asks with a raised eyebrow

“I didn’t mean it like that.” You say with a shake of your head as you stride over to the bed and straddle his lap, your hands on either side of his face,”You’re more than reason enough, but he’s not going to see it like that. I don’t want everybody to know that I did him dirty. Just give me a little more time and I’ll do it. I promise.”

“How long?” Oscar says with a scowl

“Few days, a week tops.” You shrug as you rest your forehead against his and let him hear what he wants,”Look we have a dinner planned with his family tomorrow after the game and then after that me and my little uniform are all yours. So lighten up Spooooky.”

“Aight, fine.” He says with a small smile,”I can’t wait till you’re only mine.” He adds, his hands sliding down to your ass and roughly squeezing it,”Never sharing you with anybody again. You’re only gonna be my girl.”

“Your’s.” You agree with a smile and pull your shirt off once more so you can remind him of that fact.

~

*Why are you ignoring me?* You read the seventh message from Oscar popping up on your screen before you glance at your boyfriend in the drivers seat who had picked you up this morning.

*Can’t talk right now. I’ll hit you up later.* you quickly reply before blocking his number and deleting the evidence. Already knowing that you’ll get a earful about it tonight, Oscar hating when you blocked him.

“We still on for tonight?” Aaron asks as he focuses on the road in front of him.

“Yeah. Totally.” You smile as you look over at him.

“Maybe I could sneak in tonight.” He offers hopefully.

“Oh...I don’t know. I think Sara was spending the night.” You lie with ease,”Sorry. She asked me yesterday.”

“Seriously babe?”

“Seriously what?”

“We haven’t done anything in weeks, I mean even the last time you kissed me was like a week ago. Is something going on?”

“Nothing’s gong on.” You groan,”I’m fine. Everything is fine, but I already said yes to Sara.”

“Then what’s up? Why have you been distant?”

“I’m not trying to be, I swear. I’m sorry if I’m coming off that way.”

“Do you still love me?” He asks, his eyes glancing over at you,”Cause it doesn’t feel like it lately.”

“Yes. Always.” You tell him, which wasn’t a lie. He was your best friend before he was your boyfriend, you’d always have love for him. He was your first everything which is why you feel like the shittiest person in the world right now.

“I love you more.” He reply’s contently with your answer and grabs your hand to press a small kiss to the back of it.

I’m the worst person ever. The thought replaying over and over again in your mind as you stare at Aaron with a sad smile as he continues the drive to school.

~

“Yeah! Let’s go boys!” You cheer as the football game resumes after half time. Your red and blue uniform ironed to perfection, your white sneakers a blinding white, and Aaron’s jersey number painted on your cheek.

“Yo! Y/N!” You hear a all to familiar voice yell from the sidelines,”Aye, turn your ass around ma!”

You slowly turn around and take in the scene before you, Oscar along with the core 4 seated in the first row of the stands. You offer a small wave with your Pom-Pom before turning around and trying to calm your nerves down. Of course he would show up here, you’ve been ignoring him since this morning. This was his way of getting innocent revenge, he knew him being here would make you squirm at the thought of Aaron possibly finding out about you two. You shake the thought and get back into your over preppy robotic persona with the rest of your squad. You try to focus on the game but every few minutes you catch yourself glancing back at Oscar.

“Winning touch down by Mr.Aaron Cardenas!” The announcer shouts, the crowd going crazy as the home team wins a while later. You shout out in victory and do one final jump before your boyfriend comes over and picks you up.

“Did you see that?!” He asks out of breath as he spins you around one time.

“I did, good job.” You smile and wrap your arms around his neck. His face inching towards yours for a kiss,”You’re all sweaty.” You object and turn your head to the side, Aaron not liking this and setting you back down.

“It’s never been a problem before.” He says,”What’s going on Y/N?”

“Nothing, I already told you.” You say with a small reassuring smile,”Just go hop in the shower so we can get going. I don’t want to keep your parents waiting.”

“No, you’ve been being distant so I’m going to ask you again. What’s up? And don’t lie to me, we’ve known each other for far too long. Just be real with me Y/N.”

“I can’t tell you Aaron. At least not here, so please can we just hurry and go with your parents.” You tell him quietly as you look at anywhere but him.

“No.” He says with a shake of his head,”I’m done tonight. If you can’t be honest with me then what’s the point of us being together. It seems like we both need some time for our selves.”

“Aaron I.” You begin to object but get cut off by him.

“Stop.” He says with a sigh,”Hit me up when you actually want to act like a girlfriend, or don’t. I don’t care at this point.” With those final words he picks up his helmet and bag from the ground and heads for the locker rooms. You can’t help but get teary eyed as you gather the rest of your things, not bothering to shower or change. You just wanted to get out of here and fast.

“Where you think you going? Walking past me like I’m a fucking stranger.” Oscar smacks as you walk by him as he leaned on the hood of his car with his arms crossed,”You still ignoring me?”

“I’m going home.” You reply as you stop in your tracks and slowly turn to face him with tears in your eyes,”Can I please do that? I know you’re angry, but can we just do this tomorrow?”

“Get in the car.” He says as he pushes himself forward and snatches your bag,”Lets go.” He demands and tosses your belongings in the back before sliding into the drivers seat. A small huff escapes you as you walk over to the car and climb in. You didn’t really feel like walking anyway.

“Go on then. Take me home.” You say after buckling up.

“Nah.” He says with a shake of his head as he reaches into the back seat and grabs a rag,”And take that stupid shit off your face. You’re my girl not his.” Oscar orders as he tosses the rag into your lap.

“If you’re going to be a dick just let me get out right now.” You warn as you reach for the door handle.

“Chill. I’m just saying that I don’t want to see his fucking jersey number on your face.” He says as he stops your actions by pulling out of the parking spot.

“Yeah well he’s not a issue anymore, you obviously know that since I’m currently in your car and not with him.”

“Is that why you’re crying?” Oscar asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Yes.” You say as you wipe at a fallen tear with a shake of your head,”I feel like shit.”

“He found out about us?” He asks confusedly

“No. He just said that I was being distant and acting weird so he dumped me.”

“I don’t really see the problem ma.” Oscar shrugs,”You were going to break up with him anyway.”

“Yes Oscar but I still feel like a horrible person.” You snort,”You wouldn’t understand...and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” You add as you pull down the visor and begin to rub at your cheek with the rag.

Oscar doesn’t reply and opts for turning the radio on instead so you can recompose yourself. It’s not until the car is parked in the driveway that he speaks,”You gonna be okay?” He asks, annoyed at the reason you were upset but keeping it to himself so he could try to help you feel better.

“I’m okay.” You nod,”I just needed to get that out...and I did. So let’s go in, yeah?” You sniffle offering a small reassuring smile. You don’t regret what you had going on with Oscar because what you two shared was special. He made you feel things that Aaron never could, how could you regret that? The only thing that you wish you could change was how the whole relationship started. It’s to late for that though, now it’s time to live in the present. In the present with Oscar,”It’s our first sleep over and I promised you a little show. You don’t want to miss it, do you?” You smirk as you hurry out of the car, the older Diaz brother hot on your heels.

~

“Who’s girl are you?” Oscar asks sleepily as the two of you cuddle under his sheets after a few wild rounds.

“Your girl.” You reply with a lazy smile.

“Hm, that’s right.” He grins as he nuzzles his face into your neck,”Say it again.”

“I’m your girl. Only yours.”

“Yeah, my girl.” He says as he let’s his eyes close, the two of you dozing off moments later, this being the first night of many for you two.

[stellar-starseed]

Teacher’s Pet

Group: Ateez

Pairing: Student!Mingi x Teacher;Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,550

Summary: Mingi’s senior year takes a turn as he finds himself entangled with his teacher.

Part: 5

Other Chapter(s): Master List

Warnings: 18+, language, drug use, sexual content, themes of grooming

Gif does not belong to me

Part V

Mingi didn’t get any sleep after finding out his brother hurt himself. He felt guilty, and he could feel the disappointment dripping from his mother’s voice even when she said goodbye to him the following morning. Mingi was defeated. Today was the start of his birthday weekend, and he was not ready to celebrate much of anything.

Sulking through the school halls, Mingi reached his locker only to find a chocolate heart sitting on top of a card. Mingi couldn’t contain his smile.

“Happy birthday, man!” Yunho shouted from down the hall. Mingi quickly shoved the card in his inside jacket pocket and shut his locker. He failed to discard the chocolate heart before Yeosang saw.

“Happy birthday! Is that from Sara?” Yeosang’s tone had a hint of ‘knowing something happened’ laced into it.

“Yeah.” Mingi let out the air he had been holding and slipped the chocolate in his pocket.

“Cute.” Yeosang nodded. “Gotta go, I have a hot date with the English teacher.” He chuckled

“What?” Mingi was abrupt and his hazy mind was suddenly very alert.

“I have English class first, dude. Calm down.” Yeosang chuckled and lightly punched Mingi’s arm. Yunho soon had Mingi in a headlock.

“We’re going to get fucked up tonight!” Jungho called down the hall.

“What are you thinking, Mingi? Maybe we head over to Hongjoon’s weekly get down?”

“Aren’t we tired of Hongjoong’s? I mean I almost got arrested.” Mingi freed himself of Yunho’s grasp.

“Maybe you’re right.” Jongho nodded. “We can chill at Yunho’s he has all the shit we need.”

“And you’ve got the weed.” Yunho laughs.

“This is true.” Jungho nods, proud of himself.

The day goes by quicker than expected and Mingi is relieved to be out of school. He is even more relieved to have a few minutes to himself on the way home. He pulls out the chocolate and the letter from his jacket. He pops the whole heart in his mouth and opens the letter.

Hey Handsome,

Happy birthday! I can’t wait to see you. Pick you up at the agreed upon time. Our spot.

Love,

-Your girl

Mingi’s heart was soaring at this point. His birthday weekend couldn’t get any better. He was even looking forward to letting loose with his friends tonight. After the guilt trip he put himself on for his little brother, he was ready to shed all responsibility.

“Hey, hey hey! Where do you think you’re going?” Yunho shouted, as he hung out the car window. Jungho pulled the car over.

“You think cause you’re legal you can ditch your friends?” Jongho called from the drivers side.

“He’s pining over Sara’s note!” Yunho grabbed for the card in Mingi’s hand and Mingi was too slow to react.

“Your girl? Sara never writes shit like that. I should know I’ve read all her love notes to you.” Yunho questions. Mingi climbs into the back seat of the car and slumps down.

“Is that one of the college chicks my brother said you were hanging out with?” Yunho questioned. Mingi’s head shot up and he stumbled over his words at first.

“Yes.” He finally got out.

“My man, that’s why you lied!” Jungho was ecstatic. “I’m almost proud of you, but what about Sara weren’t you guys like exclusive?”

“No.” Mingi shook his head vigorously. “We’re not exclusive.” He confirmed.

“Hey,” Your fiancé smiled and wrapped his arms around you. His excitement from getting his old college band back together was oozing from every pore. Jason was always a lover of mediocre music and you never quite got over his taste.

“Come on, babe! Dance with me. You used to dance with me way back when.” You scoffed and pushed him away gently. You used the excuse that you were cooking dinner for once.

“Babe, really. Are you seeing someone?” His question was so out of the blue you were caught off guard.

“What? No! Because I want to make you a nice dinner you think I’m cheating on you?”

“I thought this nice dinner was to make up for the convention you’re going to tomorrow?”

“That too, I want it to be nice.”

Your fiancé closed in and wrapped his arms around you slowly. You cringed internally, but tried your best not to let him see it. You turned around in his arms and gave him the sweetest kiss you could muster.

You had such pep in your step lately that your fiancé was quick to catch on, and his mention you cheating struck a nerve. You suddenly felt the need to be extra careful and tried to be a more attentive partner.

When your fiancé mentioned his gig out of town, you planned to go and even invited your coworker for a little girls night out. Your coworker jumped at the chance. Little did you know this would be the last night of life as you knew it.

“This? You mean to tell me our girls night out is to come and see this crappy music show?” Angela laughed as she sipped on her drink.

“It’s bad.” You laugh and nod. “But I had to support.” You shrug.

“I don’t approve.” Angie shakes her head and downs a shot.

It wasn’t long before you were both tipsy and needed to get some air. The dance moves your fiancé tried to pull off had you and Angela laughing louder than either of you expected. Angela waved you outside and you laughed your way to your car. You leaned up against the door and caught your breath.

“He’s not it is he?” Angela says after she lets out another chuckle. “You’re having an affair!” She giggles. When you don’t correct her she gasps.

“I know. I think I’m going to call it off with him.” You roll your eyes at yourself for being a bad person.

“Who your husband or the other guy?”

“Fiancé.” You correct. Angela scoffs. “And I think I’m going to call it off with him.”

“Oh my goodness. That must be some good Deeee!” Angela sings.

“I mean... yeah. Hell yeah.” You chuckle and take a swig from your drink.

“Who is this magical mystery man?”

“Come on I can’t say anything. That ruins half the fun.”

“Girl, I will not tell a soul. You plan to leave your man for him that’s serious. Who is it?”

“Mingi.” You mumble and take another drink.

“Mingi? Isn’t that like one of your students names?”

“Yeah like that.” You chuckle and shrug it off as if it were a coincidence. Angela laughs.

“Wait. Not your student right?”

“What? No!”

“Really...” Angela stands up straight. “Your student?” She shouts.

“Keep your voice down I told you no.”

“Everything else is saying yes. I have to say something.”

“What the fuck Angela you just said you wouldn’t tell anyone. I told you it wasn’t fucking him alright!”

Angela shook her head and stomped out the cigarette she had been smoking. She gave you one last long look and walked away. You cursed yourself and got in your car. How the fuck were you going to handle this?

Mingi stepped over drunken passed out bodies and nodded at the few still trying to keep the party going as he headed out. He hit the sidewalk and shoved his hands in his pockets. It was a chilly night, but at this hour no one was really out and Mingi felt free.

One thing Mingi missed was the illusion of freedom before all of this happened. He felt that he could escape this bullshit and become whatever he wanted. It was starting to become clear that being caught between these two worlds he found himself in was starting to suffocate him. He couldn’t be himself to the fullest. Not in any situation.

As he continued his walks, Mingi glanced around the neighborhoods with the dim lighting of the street lamps spotlighting creatures that dared to come out. Mingi walked through several familiar neighborhoods before his own came into view. His family came to mind and how he loved them, but never wanted to stick around this place. A pang of guilt hit him as he walked through the door. His mom was waiting up at the kitchen table.

“Happy birthday my boy.” She stood up. Mingi walked towards her with a smile on his face. She wrapped her arms so tight around him. “I love you.” She said as she kissed his cheek.

“Love you too.” Mingi followed his mom’s gesture toward the table and saw the cake that had already been cut into. “Thank you.” He chuckled.

“The boys wanted a piece and wouldn’t stop bugging. I let them each have a slice. Enjoy, sweetheart. I’m going to bed.”

Mingi looked at his sad birthday cake and smiled. His family always made his birthday cakes and they always looked a little lopsided, but he loved them. They always tasted great. After dipping his finger in the frosting, Mingi headed to his room to pack a bag.

“Why do I have to wear this?” Mingi chuckled as you struggled to put the bandana over his eyes. You left momentarily to find a chair to stand on. He laughed louder and wrapped his arms around you.

“You’re very cute, you know that?” He smiled down at you. The kind of smile that made your knees weak. You glanced away trying to regain composure and he stole a swift kiss. You finally managed to tie the bandana over his eyes and guide him into your car.

“Can I at least have a hint?”

“We’re going away for a weekend.” You shrug as if he could see you.

“Well that’s no help at all.”

“It’s supposed to be a surprise!”

“Well, how much longer?” He whines.

“Oh, hush before I put a sock in your mouth.”

“Kinky.” Mingi laughs. You smack his chest and lightly chuckle yourself.

When you finally see the farm in front of you-you glance over to see Mingi is fussing with the bandana. You smile to yourself and pull the car up to the house.

“We’re here?” Mingi asks, his tone of voice getting excited.

“Yup, I’ll come get you.” You walk around the car and gingerly help Mingi out, trying to be careful of his head.

“Okay, you can take off the blindfold now.” You stood there smiling up at him. He slowly removed the bandana and saw the large birthday banner you had displayed for him. His smile grew so wide and he rushed to grab you in a tight hug, lifting you off the ground.

“Happy birthday!” You say excitedly with your hands held out to present the banner. Mingi chuckled at you, his smile was so wide yours only grew as you watched him. You walked over and wrapped your arms around him, burring your face in his chest.

“I love you.” He said without hesitation, his arms naturally slipping around you. Your arms tightened around him and your smile grew wider.

“I love you too.” This time his arms tightened around you. He kissed the top of your head and you grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the house.

Mingi’s arms slipped around you from behind as you stood in the entry of the house. You took in the fresh air. It seemed like it was much easier to breathe out here. No judgement, no fiancé, no rules. Just you and Mingi. You hadn’t said anything to anyone about him before and now that Angela knew you didn’t feel safe. Although you denied any of it, you were certain in the look she had in her eyes that you were going to have to face the truth. You took a deep breath.

“It even smells good.”

“You smell good.” Mingi said as he leaned down and hurried his face in your neck. His fingers slipped through your hair and his other arm snaked around your waist and pulled you closer to him.

“Mmm.” You let yourself fall back into him and giggled at the tickling sensation of his lips on your neck. Your hand found it’s way behind you and held on to the back of his neck as he continued his attack on your neck. You turned around in his arms after a moment and looked him in the eye.

“Shouldn’t we grab our bags?” You question. Mingi shakes his head.

“They can wait.” He dives in and presses his soft lips to yours. His tongue eagerly parts your lips and deepens the kiss. You weren’t planning on arguing, but if you were, Mingi had made you too weak in the knees to do anything about it.

You pulled away from the mesmerizing kiss long enough to gain your composure. You smiled up at him and bit down on your lip. Mingi smiled at you.

“Thank you.” He says sincerely before kissing you. You nod in the kiss and pull him into the living room.

“Dinner is on the way...” You walk Mingi to a large comfortable chair on the opposite side of the large open room. You gently guide him to sit down. “We should be done by the time it gets here.” You shrug and drop down to your knees in front of him. You lean forward, placing a hand on either of his knees and gently, slowly sliding your hands up his thighs.

“How will we ever pass the time?” Mingi questioned with a smirk. You tried to bite on your lip to hide the smile. Your hands slipped under his oversized shirt and began to unbutton his pants.

“You’ve been just so good lately.” You say lowly. He assist you in pulling his pants down and you gently release his hard cock from his underwear. You stroke him slowly for some time. Mingi’s hips lift as he tries to get you to stroke him faster. You finally dip your head down and take the head of his delicious dick in your mouth. You moan as you taste him. Your tongue explores as your hand continues stroking him. Though your pace hasn’t quickened, Mingi’s mouth has fallen open with a gasp. His hips, tired from their efforts, have relaxed back into the chair.

“Fuck.” He whispered. You let your hand fall to his balls for a light massage as you took him as far in your mouth as you could. The sounds that escaped his mouth were all worth it. You felt him hit the back of your throat, your gag reflexes strong, you began to choke around him. His hand quickly fell on top of your head. He held you in place as he bucked his hips. You were gasping for air when he lifted his hand. You continued to stroke him as you gained your composure. You wiped your mouth and tried once again to put him in your mouth. Mingi didn’t try to hold you in place this time, but you did gag over him again.

“Shit, baby, I love it when you choke on me.” His head fell back and you pulled him out of your mouth, alternating between stroking and sucking. “Fuck.” He said as he slumped down in the chair and tried to match your rhythm with his hips.

You moan over his cock as you feel his warm cum hit the back of your throat. You stroke and lick him clean. Mingi’s head has fallen back on the chair and he looks spent.

“You’re amazing.” He whispers as you stand up. Mingi pulls you onto his lap and kisses you. The doorbell rings.

“Just in time.” You smile at him.

Mingi was eager to eat and started in quickly. You both were silent for a moment as you ate. Slowly the conversation started flowing. Mingi filled you in on his improvements in school because of your precious study sessions. You boast at what a great teacher you can be. When Mingi mentions going off to college you become solemn.

“You’re going to meet so many people. I bet you’ll meet someone special.” You chuckle and grab your glass of wine. Mingi shakes his head and grabs your hand.

“What are you talking about?” He shook his head and continued to eat when you ignored his question.

“I’m happy that you’re going to experience the world, Mingi.” You nod and kiss his and. “You’re going to have so much fun and you’re going to grow so much.”

Mingi put down his utensils and crossed his arms over his chest. You tried to avoid his burning look and take a long drink from your glass. Mingi’s irritated state softened and he took your hand.

“Why do you keep talking about the future like I’m going to run off with someone else or leave you out of it?” Mingi traced shapes on the inside of your hand as he spoke. “Do you love me?”

“I do.”

“Say it.”

“Mingi, I love you.” You say almost sternly.

“If you really love me why would you just let me go?”

“It’s not that simple. It’s because I love you that I want to let you go.” You didn’t realize how emotional this would make you, but you began to tear up. You drank the remaining droplets from your glass and filled it. You gulped the better part of the glass and began to stand. Mingi pushed his chair back and grabbed for you. He pulled you down on to his lap.

“It is that simple. If you love me we can be together. Me going to school out of town doesn’t change anything. If anything it will make it easier.”

“Mingi, you’re young.” You sniff. “You need time to experience things. Once you have done everything you should be doing without me holding you back, if you still want me, you can find me.”

“I want you now. I don’t need to experience anything to know I love you. I want to be with you. I only think about you!”

“I wanted your birthday weekend to be perfect.” You sniffed again and wiped the tears falling freely from your eyes. Mingi turned your face to him and kissed your lips gently. He wiped both of your cheeks.

“You make everything perfect.” He whispered as he gently leaned his forehead against yours. You smiled and shook your head. You offered your half full wine glass to him and he took a drink. Mingi stood, momentarily lifting you. He walked you upstairs to the master bedroom.

After finishing the glass of wine, Mingi placed the empty glass on the dresser and took your hand, pulling you close to him. He kissed you sweetly and rubbed his hands up and down your arms.

“You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up.” He pressed his lips to yours passionately. “If I could be with you all the time, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

You placed your hands on his face and kissed him hard before pulling his shirt over his head. Mingi walked you towards the bed as you both undressed each other. You couldn’t bring yourself to burst his bubble. Not on his birthday weekend. You wanted to be in this fantasy with him. This perfect weekend with this perfect man.

“Say you love me.” He said as he sat back on the bed and looked at you with his beautiful pleading eyes.

“I love you, Mingi.” You climbed on the bed and straddled him. “So much.” You said as you looked in his eyes. Your hands caressed his chest and you’re fingers felt his abs as you admired his bare body. You reach down and pump his growing cock before you tease yourself with the tip. You drag it over your clit and Mingi can feel how wet you are for him. You slip him inside you and gently let yourself down on him. You moan as he fills you up.

“You sound so beautiful.” He says. Everything about this felt like it was the end, but you wanted to enjoy it.

Mingi’s hands find their way to your ass, guiding you down onto him.

“Fuck, Mingi.” You moan as you both find a good pace, he hits the right spots. You grind your hips into his trying to feel him as deep inside as you can. You both speed up your pace, Mingi is bucking his hips into you his ragged breath and grunts turning you on all the more.

You find a better angle to bounce on top of him. You feel yourself about to cum and you announce it, mumbling next to Mingi’s ear. He nods and wraps an arm around your waist as if to steady you. You brace yourself with your hands on his shoulders and call out as your climax hits you.

Mingi continues to thrust into you even as you slow down. You have no recovery time as you ride out your climax to find your on your way to another. Mingi has grabbed on to your hips and began to pull you down in time with his thrusts. He can’t hold back as he lets out a string of curse words. You both climax together this time. Mingi’s thrusts become rocking motions until you both collapse on the bed. It wasn’t long before you were both fast asleep.

———————————————————————————

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed!

This story will be coming to an end in a chapter or two just a forewarning.

Stay safe stay healthy. Catch you on the next episode.

[tk-writer]

ransara (platonic or not) with a starter u think would fit ?

It didn’t take long for Sara to notice that Ranmaru rarely smiled. 

Even though they had been friends for a few months, he never let himself be vulnerable around her and seldom showed any emotion other than his usual dolefulness. Maybe it was his personality, or maybe he was going through something unknown to anyone else, but it would have been dishonest to say that it didn’t bother her. She did her best to include him whenever she could, like inviting him along when she hung out with Joe and Ryoko. She even went out of her way to include him in their conversations so he wouldn’t feel like a fourth wheel. But no matter what she did, he stayed as solemn as ever. Even Joe’s stupid jokes failed to have any effect. He’d grin halfheartedly, and sometimes chuckle under his breath, but he never really, truly laughed. And Sara was determined to change that. She knew what to do; Joe and her always messed around this way, and it always helped her feel closer to him. Perhaps this method would work on Ranmaru, too.

She waited until they were alone to act. The perfect situation arose when she invited him over one day for lunch. Her parents were out running an errand, so they had the house to themselves for a spell. After making lunch together they sat next to each other on the couch to eat.

“Hey, Ranmaru?” she piped up after finishing her plate.

He had just finished shoving another rice ball in his mouth, so it took him a second to respond.

“Hm? What’s up?”

“How come you never smile?”

He stared at her, looking a bit puzzled by her sudden question.

“Uh… I dunno… why do you ask?”

“It worries me. You seem so sad all the time.”

He shrugged as he took another bite of seasoned rice.

“I’m alright. I guess I’m just a naturally gloomy guy.”

“Maybe so, but I’d really like to hear you laugh for real one of these days.”

It was subtle, but she could’ve sworn he tensed up. His shoulders flinched ever so slightly, and he almost gagged on his food. This stirred her curiosity even more.

“Why…? It’s… it’s nothing special…”

“Don’t be so modest. I bet it’s really cute.”

When he was in between bites and not paying attention, Sara reached over to gently pinch his side. The reaction was instantaneous; he just about leapt into the air and squealed in an uncharacteristically high pitched voice. Sara couldn’t help but giggle; she never would have expected that out of such a serious guy.

“Was that a squeal I heard?” she asked with a smirk.

His eyes widened with shock when he realized what was about to go down.

“Hey… no!! Don’t come any closer!!”

But it was too late. Sara cornered him in an instant and left no room for escape. She climbed over his hips, pinning him down so all he could do was wiggle his upper body a little. He started babbling before she even touched him, pleading for mercy she wasn’t planning on giving.

“Please, no! Sara, I’m really… EEHEEHEEHEEHEE!! GAAAAAH!”

He cried out the moment her fingers started dancing over his belly. Although his shirt provided some protection, he was simply too ticklish for his own good. He practically howled when she spidered her nails up and down his sides, and even snorted when she began to poke into his ribs at random. Meanwhile, he scream-laughed as he swung his arms from side to side in a desperate attempt to fling her off, but his defenses were weak and after a few seconds he gave up. Consumed by helpless giggles, there wasn’t much else he could do at that point but laugh.

Sara grinned triumphantly as she tickled him, finding herself lost in the moment. For the first time, Ranmaru looked… happy. Sure, his laugh may have been forced, but seeing him finally let down his defenses gave her a lovely feeling she couldn’t quite describe. And as she suspected, his laugh was adorable. It was goofy, loud, and downright silly, which made it all the more endearing. Even his genuine smile was warm and wonderful, the complete opposite of his usual demeanor.

However, she didn’t want to take it too far, so after a couple minutes she stopped and gave him a chance to catch his breath. He kept giggling long after her hands left his body.

“What the hell… was that for…” he sputtered out in between gulps of air.

“Heh, sorry… I got a little carried away…”

He crossed his arms around his chest and curled into a ball, facing away from her. He must have been really embarrassed. Sara felt a little guilty for teasing him.

“I’m glad I got to hear it though,” she said softly.

“Hear… what?” He seemed to perk up at her comment.

“Hear your laugh, duh!”

He sat up and looked at her timidly, as if afraid to ask his next question.

“Did… did you like it?”

She nodded without hesitation.

“Of course. It’s really funny, but it’s nice.”

Ranmaru looked away as his blush deepened, his entire head becoming a comical shade of tomato red. Although he wasn’t facing her, Sara thought she saw a small smile break through. 

She grinned triumphantly, happy that the two of them were able to grow a little closer that day.

[dayables]

4 and Shin? That's a dark one, but you write him well so I'd trust you with it. If you want something lighter instead, 17 for Shin!

Thank you for asking this! As you can see, I got into a very deep ramble about his life pre-death game and it doesn’t really tie in but I’ve kept it there :)  The last few parapraghs are the actual answers ahaha. Play some sad music in those paragrapths because I nearly cried with halloween music in the background.    4) What they would do if they had one month to live.   If Shin had one month left to live? We see it in the game kind of. Or at least kind of. Obviously imitating your ‘scary friend’ most likely abuser to try and turn everyone against your biggest threat isn’t going to work in real life. 

What the game and his 0.0% score does tell us (or heavily shove in our direction so we infer it) is that Shin is petrified of certain death to the point of desperation.

I do believe/headcanon that he is a very logical person. Almost everything he does is backed up by logic in the death game except for his last moments because screw logic that’s never worked before.  (The opposite of Keiji who’s likely very emotional until his potential last moments but this isn’t about him). So the question is, when did Shin’s last moments begin for him?  As the player, it’s when it’s that final choice between him and Kanna. To Shin this is likely a very different response. His last moments start the very second he gets told he’s doomed to die. Almost all of Shin’s choices in the game are emotional. Trusting Sara or at least earning her trust is the logical choice here. Making yourself her enemy because you are scared is the emotional one. He just lies to himself on the basis that she’s untrustworthy. Which, you can trick yourself into believing is logical.  It triggers a kind of flight or fight response in all our characters when they realise they can die here. All the cast barr Shin choose to fight and try and escape. Shin chooses the flight option here. Nothing he does actually prevents his death in the end. He just runs away from the inevitable doom. 

 I am once again inferring by comparing him to rest of the cast the death is a deep rooted trauma (and I definitely have thoughts on why). While the concept of death is one that scares everyone, no one seems to revel in it the way Shin does. He is living an incredibly safe life. A free lance programmer (by the sounds of it)  which earns an average of £60 an hour. He has a side job at a convenience store (that wasn’t a lie). He doesn’t leave his apartment much meaning he doesn’t have much of a social life. Shin is in a position in life where it’ll be near impossible to hurt him. Obviously he isn’t earning 60 quid an hour, but he has the potential too. Once he’s set up and successful, he’ll be able to die old. Alone, maybe not happy, but old.  For a guy likely in his early to mid twenties, things are bound to change but only as much as he lets them. From one person who will happily spend all their life in their own company to another, Shin isn’t going to change that. Not when he’s too scared to let someone past arms width and will avoid doing so. By the time he gets his game together and his skinny self to therapy it’ll likely be too late to make the same connections he has the chance too at his current age.  It’s not emotional because even the most introverted of introverts desires a life all alone. It’s a logical one for the fears and life he has. I don’t think that means he isn’t happy. It just thinks there’s a potential that he could have been happier. 

For Midori to have gotten as close as he was and no one to pull up the red flags his friends either didn’t care or didn’t exist. Most likely the latter seeing as he is very much in the process of mourning three years after his friends death. He likely wasn’t close enough to his parents to feel he could go to them over something as silly as Midori’s death. In the aftermath, Shin will be confused and muddled. In some ways, he’ll be elevated because he is free, he can move on. In other ways he’ll be lost, devastated and empty. Shin will also have a semblance of independence back. He doesn’t think he shows enough gratitude to his parents for materialistic items. Midori’s abuse was likely emotional or verbal. It probably consisted of vague threats, put downs, anger, power dynamics and a shrug at Shin’s emotions. I’m in no way a professional but after years of this Shin is going to think his emotions are something he should be able to handle himself, something he might not be able to do if he started to repress them in his teens. Shin likely has a warped sense of independence. Instead of being free from others control, he’ll likely think it means he can’t get help and must deal with everything alone. 

Being told that his death is round the corner strips two things that he values most away from him. He now has zero control over his life and worse, it ends with him dyeing. Shin would grasp for straws to have that independence back and therefore escape his own death. If he couldn’t get his independence back then he’ll try and avoid the end outcome. 

His last month would be a goose chase to avoid death. There’d be a list of everything he has to do. Fuck his jobs, fuck debt he needs to get to the hospital. Get checked up! Make sure he’s well. He’d do it everyday. Does he have enough medicine? Wet wipes, stock up on healthy food, hand sanitizer? Does he have enough hand sanitizer? Make sure his room is squeaky clean, don’t let anyone in, don’t answer the phone. Bolt the windows and live off ramen and debt for the rest of the month. Beanie on, beanie off, what is he going to die from? Has he prevented any possible cause? He’s forgotten to call his parents. That’s fine because he shouldn’t be dyeing anyway. It’s logical. It’s all logical. This is not his fear of death speaking through everything he is doing is logical! Now he just needs to figure out what’s causing this all? How did that person know? Then on the last day. He’d just give up. He’d finally pick up that phone and call his parents. He’d thank them and explain. He’d apologize for the debt because he’s swimming in it then he’d hang up. Shin would then proceed to cry in bed all day and trying to sleep so he just doesn’t wake up.  Then, while it’s a tragedy, I think he’d accept it. I don’t think he ever really thought he had a chance but his emotions drove him round and round in circles. Maybe he would regret his whole life and look back on it all. In a none death game scenario Shin seems like a brooder. He doesn’t have Kanna to live for so he has no reason to push forward. I think in the end he’d reach the conclusion his life was pretty pointless. Just as he’d slip from consciousness I imagine he’d think of Midori. Nearly everything we know about Shin seems to revolves about Midori . We, the player, never know him before the guy entered his life. That guy has a big impacts in his life and in a world where that was the only person to leave such a big mark? I think he’d go back to Midori. Especially with nothing to distract him from his mourning. 

It’s quite sad really. He lets his fear control him too much. Midori controls him too much and they’re both aware of that fact. But in the short, Shin would try and avoid his death. Hell he’ll likely die of exhaustion or caffeine overdose

His ending in the main game, I think that’s the best way Shin could have gone at that age. Dying for Kanna and letting go of his cynicism. 

Ending this off with 17 because I need that jokeness now, after all that. 

17) What would they sing at Karaoke? 

Everyone expects Shin to like bang out with some Beyonce or something. Maybe one of those silly little disney parodies. Everyone would make a joke about what he should sing because he’s indecisive as hell. 

Keiji Kai and all of those mature adults suggest Single Ladies,  Mr. Brightside,  Fireworks, Wannabe because classic Karoke songs you actually have to be able to sing when Shin 100% can’t? Count them in! 

Midori would suggest something embarrassing he knew wouldn’t even be funny to watch. Just painful. 

Gin, Sara, Reko and Alice are snickering behind their hands as they suggest Poor Unfourtunate Souls,  How Bad Can I Be (Alice ended up doing that one), The oogie boogie song and the price Ali reprise. 

When he refuses Sara refuses to let him get away with not being painted as some corny villian and dedicates her singing of Cruella De Vil to him.

Then Kanna taps on his shoulder and tells him what to sing and A: It’s Kanna’s suggestion B: It’s not and a bonus C if he’s drunk: He gets to whack a certain police officer and teacher with a hockey stick. 

And my inner theatre Kid shines through as he I say Shin sings Revolting Children and can’t get his letters write, drunk or sober. 

‘R e v o t l i n !’  instead of ‘ R E V O L T I N G’ 

‘S P L L!’ instead of ‘ S P E L’ 

‘TOO LATE FOR YOU?’ Instead of  ‘ 2-L-8-4-U ‘

I kid you not I have knows this song for years and I still struggle. You can not do that spelling rhythm first time. 

Also the lines. The lines!   We will become a screaming hoard.//Take out your hockey sticks and use it as a sword.// Never again will we be ignored.//We'll find out where the chalk is stored// And draw rude pictures on the board.

It’s such a childish song but it’s so hard. He struggles and struggles and one day he will get it because it’s so simple and why can’t he do it roght! Also, it suits him. Sue me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6PXm34OBP8

[thekillerssluts]

Will Butler: “I am very American and that is my thing I have to deal with“

In times like these, where some of us are reflecting on what the future will bring and what role we can play to make it more bearable, Will Butler uses his new solo record “Generations” to ask profound questions in a very intense and compelling way.

As a member of the renowned Indie Rock Band Arcade Fire his fans quite often perceive the multitalented musician as an entertainer who likes goofing around with his bandmates and who gets carried away on all kinds of escapades on his instruments. Nevertheless, there is a very serious person behind that facade who is deeply involved in community work with a strong political opinion. Not only a Master’s Degree from Harvard in public policy can prove that, but also his engagement in countless events with political focus.

It was a special honor to chat with Will Butler about his new solo record “Generations”. An album which sounds quite joyous at first glance but has a lot to offer when you listen closely. We talked about how the Covid crisis affected his work and life, how he deals with the political situation in the US and how it is for him as a live enthusiast to not be able to perform his new record on stage:

Great to have you back with us! Last time you talked to my colleague Gabi about your first solo album “Policy”. That was quite a while ago.  

Oh yes, many years ago. Five years and a lot changed since then.

How is life treating you, how is the whole Covid crisis treating you?

It’s been weird six month. This summer I am in New York. The summer felt pretty good, it seems we are through the worst and people were out and about and going back to living their lives. Now fall comes and we will see what happens.

How does it feel to release an album in those times? We interviewed artists with quite opposite opinions. Some say people can´t focus on music at the moment as they are distracted with more important things while others say it’s especially important now to have the distraction of music. Which side are you on?

What I have been seeing is that people are very grateful for music that has come out, both a as a distraction but also as a spiritual nourishment, like some sort of comfort. Music sometimes works like food, where it comforts you and make you ready for the fight ahead. That side to me is quite beautiful.

Honestly, I was very thankful that you released that album. For me music is exactly what you just described, it gives me comfort and positiveness. It often helps to escape reality, although I have to say that your album “Generations” pushes you right into reality.

(laughing) Oops.

I have the feeling it´s not an album for pure distraction, it´s music you have to dive deep into and confront.

Yes, it definitely has an urgency to it. It is contiguous with the last four or five years which have been very intense, especially in the US but all around the world. So, it´s definitely coming from the same soil as this mad year.

I think you already started working on the album before the whole lockdown happened?

I finished recording the album on March 9, I thought that was the perfect time, so it was marked in my calendar. It happened that just a few days later New York shut down and went into complete lockdown. Mixing then took probably the next six weeks; half the record was mixed in Montreal. And suddenly we had to deal with a lot of things like schools closing, people had to figure out helping their parents and how to get help for other people. It was suddenly chaos and a terrifying time. That itself was complicated even though only the mixing was left to do.

Interestingly enough the record sounds as if it was written with all the things happening already in your head. It fits so much with the times.

Yes, I kept checking in with the record and I thought yes, it’s still the same world. So much  has come out of the police crisis, the refugee crisis happening at the same time, which is still ongoing. These where part of the impetus for the world we are in right now. The pandemic is particularly strange and not what I was imagining. It just adds to the weirdness that was already there.

I saw you live several times with your band Arcade Fire and also solo. You seem to be such a live person. The new songs sound to me like they’re made for being performed live. How do you feel about not being able to play them now?

I am really sad to not be touring this fall. I planned on touring the US before the election in September and October. I wanted to do political town halls where I can have local politicians and invite activists to talk about shit. Now I´m very sad to not be able to do that. It´s such a crazy time and I want to be useful, useful in a sense of being able to talk to people in different cities about important stuff. It´s hard to not have that toolbox. Also, the songs were very much written live. I booked shows before we went into the studio and we were trying to figure out how to play the songs live.

That sounds tough, so it´s even more devastating not being able to do it. What do you do now to raise your voice?

It´s hard. I´m not that good at the internet. I do some stuff online but this is not my natural medium. So what I’m doing is I´m talking to friends, my wife and I are also very active in our community. I think it´s very important to have that intimate connection to friends and family and talk to them.

Listening to your lyrics you seem to have a lot of questions but no answers. I think none of us do, but it makes exchange of thoughts even more important to make sure the head is not exploding.

Yes exactly. For me music is a force that is moving forward, by its nature it is a creative act. To me there is hope in the music and hope in the drums that are a bit of a propulsion. But there is not a lot of hope or knowledge in the head. I think that is a bit true for all of us these days. Our heads are completely toasted. Nevertheless, there is still hope in our friendships, there is still hope in our neighborhoods, there is still hope in our families.

It´s great that you talk about hope. That would have been actually my last question, what gives you hope? I think we all need something positive to not go totally mental.

Yes, very much though and you have to be grateful to see a lot of people around you being safe and remind yourself that you are not alone. Follow the ones who have a good common sense and surround yourself with the good ones out there.

What I learned is also being thankful for the little things and everything we took for granted for a long time. I, for example, took concerts for granted. I could never imagine that there is a world without live music. When I see videos from gigs it feels like another life.

You are so right. I could also never envision that this is going to happen and now I´m like what? It´s genuinely deeply confusing. It is going to echo in our lives for a very long time how strange this year was.

Talking about how important friends and family are – you have recorded “Generations” with the same solo band as “Policy”. Do you need that intimacy of knowing the people well you work with?

Yes, my actual touring band consisted of my wife’s sister Julie, my wife contributed a lot to the record – she is a great musician, and Sara Dobbs who is a friend and was our neighbor in New York. My drummer Miles is also part of it. There is a lot there, we’ve been playing together for five years now. There is a lot of instinct and call and response, that’s hard to manufacture. That´s how it works; you always work with the people you are familiar with.

You come from a very musical family with your grandfather Alvino Rey being a musician, your mom playing the harp, you and your brother in the same band. Is the title “Generations” referring to that legacy?

Yes, very much so. My mom’s grandfather was the last son of a Mormon pioneer from across the American west. He decided to be a musician and he encouraged his children to be musicians. My grandmother, who grew up in a family band, married the grand Alvino, they had kids who were all musicians, so there is a beautiful heritage that stretches back and such a deep privilege to have. But there are also very horrifying things you inherit, every country and every people inherit their different stretch of horrors, as part of why they are where they are. In America it is particularly situated around race and gender. I think we are starting to unpack those burdens as a country but this will take a couple of generations.

Tackling those inherited problems will be even harder if Trump will be elected again.

(sighs) That’s going to be really dark. I can´t predict anything anymore, my capacity for prediction is just gone but if it happens it will be really bad.

So now we are back at all the questions you have in your songs about the past, the future and where we are.

You are exactly right!

You have lived in Canada for quite some time. Do you sometimes wish you have stayed there?

No, never to be honest. I love Montreal, it´s one of the greatest cities in the world and I have friends and family there. I am very American and that is my thing I have to deal with – these are my problems, I´m a citizen here – let´s try to fix it to the extent we can.

Do you see the future differently since you became a father? You have always been a very political person but did something change since you have a family?

Having kids didn´t really change my vision of the past or future in a particular way. It´s not like now I make sure my kids have a better world but I feel like I have learned a lot about humanity, about nature and nurture and where humans come from and particular reasons why they are cruel and why they are kind and something about fundamental things like human love. I learned a lot about all those things in the past years. I feel a great responsibility – not so much to make a better world for them but to make sure that they´ve got their shit together as much as I can.

Unfortunately, we are running out of time. I could go on with you forever. I wish you all the best for the record. I really appreciate that you put some good music out, although it is something you have to get your head around and digest while swaying to the joyful tunes.

Thank you. This is something very meaningful. Thank you for letting me know.

I have to be honest I also need a deeper thought about your video for “Bethlehem” which you just have released.

I´m thinking in metaphors my whole life, so I was like let´s just cook our way through this one. Let´s just cook some of our anger and fear into a big meal.

To me at first glance it looked like a big feast inspired by Klu Klux Klan in a way. Watching it once I was not quite sure what feelings to have about the scenery; if it’s something positive or negative.

Oh wow, I was not intending that but that is not the worst vision of it. It was part of the goal to create something beautiful but also horrifying. It´s a horror film kind of comedy. It should be contradictory, so you are absolutely right with your feelings.  

So again, good luck for the record and let´s hope that we can get all back together again at a concert and celebrate and sing and shout together and enjoy the moment.

Thank you. Thank you so much. And yes let´s hope so (sighs). Fingers crossed on that one.

https://fastforward-magazine.de/will-butler-i-am-very-american-and-that-is-my-thing-i-have-to-deal-with/