#HE MAKES ME GO FUCKING CRAZY I SWEAR
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just watched 21 jump street and looked up the cast bc thats what i do when i watch movies and found out that there was a tv show also named 21 jump street that the movie was a kinda sorta but not really sequel to the show and that the random cameo with johnny depp at the end was in fact not a random famous comedic actor cameo at all bc he was like the main character in the original tv show and that led me down a weird rabbit hole (incoming pun not intended) and learned about the other cops in that show one of them being Judy Hoffs which if youre like me ur former disney brain immediately connected that to Judy Hopps from zootopia and looked it up to see if it was intentional and apparently the name (and job) similarities were not supposed to be a reference on the zootopia team's part and its "just a play on how rabbits jump" and they were "unaware of the 21 jump street character when naming judy" which i think is some pretty big bullshit because theres no way a character who's first name is Judy and last name is hopps (spelled with two P's the way hoFFs is spelled) and just so happens to also be a young and brand new cop is just a crazy random coincidence
#no paragraph breaks bc this is how my brain works when im in lore deepdive mode#no ones gonna read this but whatever#anyway i didnt think id like 21 jump street the movie bc i usually hate 2010s R- comedy movies#and like anything jonah hill is in HAHA#but i figured ive gone long enough not knowing its references and also i felt like doing a channing tatum binge#bUt i actually giggled at a few jokes i hate to say#most of them were on channings part hes pretty funny. cant stand jonah hill tho sorry not sorry#also they look nothing alike but the amount of times i mix up tom hardy and channing tatum in my head is fucking crazy#anyway#kats movie rants#also i'll bring this up in everything thats relevant but i fucking love Zootopia ive seen it so many times#ive read and watched so many concept videos of the movie in preproduction and making ofs and docu's of that movie omfg#also yes i love nick wilde no not like that hes just silly goofy okay i just love suave sarcastic (fox) characters i swear#every time i remember how the movie plot was supposed to go (shock collars) another little piece of me dies inside because#goddamn its such a good and heartwrenching concept and i still wanna see it on the big screen SO BAD#especially all the test animations and storyboards they already did for that plot line OUGH IT LOOKED SO GOOD#and the fact that the supposed building that nick owned in the concept can be seen (delapadated) in the bkrd of the movie in a scene too BR#god i cant stop talking about it now oh god i unleashed my own beast i need to stop im stopping okay goodnight#yeah so if u cant tell i really love zootopia HAHA
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im gonna go fucking nuts. the number of thoughts in this guy’s brain? ZERO
thats a look of a CLUELESS man. he has no idea what hes doing goddamnit
put down the fucking books you bastard or so help me you lunatic
#my post#columbo#HE MAKES ME CRAZY#WHY DOES HE ACT LIKE THIS#hes such a fucking guy#hes fucking shaped like a fool#you know my wife tells me- UH HUH? UH HUH?#GO ON you silly man#im gonna shake you around watch you ricochet like a loose tooth in a blender#i swear to fucking god im normal about him.
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Analysis: Suki and Jerry’s Actual Jobs
What are Suki and Jerry’s actual jobs in Crystal Entertainment? This has been on my mind since I first watched Sing 2, mainly due to the jobs they appear to have don’t line up with what we’re told they actually are. These are my thoughts on their actual company roles with explanations, I hope you enjoy!
Ps. I know there’s more evidence in this theory for Suki than Jerry but in my defense, we rarely actually see Jerry working and not just following Jimmy so...
- <3 Gooseless
Suki: The Chief Communications Officer (CCO)
Ok, so while we’re introduced to Suki as a talent scout, she actually doesn’t really act like one. In fact, a true talent scout would likely not have been as recognizable to avoid biased treatment. Nor would they have left before the full show is concluded as to be able to give an accurate review. She acts more like a company higher up, being recognizable and known in the industry, and seems to be in a position where she might go to shows after actual scouts have previewed them if they were going conflicting results, but she does not behave like an actual talent scout (again the leaving during the show).
Instead, she is constantly with both Jimmy and Jerry. She is constantly on her phone, on a tablet, talking to someone, she never stops working. She was in the room when Porsha’s firing was been discussed. And if she was a low level employee (like a talent scout), she definitely wouldn’t have been in that room. Jimmy considered that an embarrassment, he would limit the people who saw the direct response of said event. In fact, the only people in the room were Suki, Jerry (aka Jimmy’s right hand man), The Crystals, and the personal bodyguards who I can almost guarantee signed NDAs.
She also was important enough for Jimmy and Jerry to get her before going to the theatre. Why would you get a random talent scout to go to handle the people currently putting on a show behind your back? You wouldn’t, because that wouldn’t be necessary. A talent scout would not be helpful in that situation at all. The only logical conclusion I could come up with was that she isn’t a talent scout.
But do you know who would be privy to all the public and private workings of the company, who would be privy to all the information of the events going on? Especially since it’s their job? A chief communications officer. They run the publicity of the company, the contracts with other groups, and even the talent scout division (in rare cases). And Suki seems to handle this kinda stuff even within the movie. She is constantly typing what could be things like drafting news briefings or public statements about the show, which as it is high risk for the company, would likely be made by her. She is also there in every single big media moment of the company and seems to already know what’s going on (ie. didn’t react like Jimmy did in the news report scene, she already knew what was going on).
Also, just based on Jimmy’s personality, I don’t think he’d let a regular PR Officer/Talent Scout into any of those events either, so the only people in that room are heavily trusted by him. So, Suki being the CCO and technically on equal company footing as Jerry makes much more sense than her being a talent scout. Plus, her constantly acting as a line of communication between the company and the show is a job that occasionally falls on CCOs in high risk cases so, it makes sense she would be doing that as well.
Jerry: The Chief Operating Officer (COO)
Now Jerry… Jerry, Jerry, Jerry. He’s not a personal assistant. Unless this company has the world’s worst internal management structure in history, he cannot be a personal assistant. Because that would mean the one person, Jimmy, is running everything. Now as the CEO, he would be in charge in a broad sense and almost definitely has a few personal assistants, but that being Jerry doesn’t make sense in a corporate sense.
In fact, we see him work doing the movie a few times and, while his desk is situated like a secretary’s, we don’t actually see him treated as one by other employees. Jimmy does, but Jimmy treats everyone that way so it doesn’t count.
Instead we see the hotel calling Jerry directly when something goes wrong. They didn’t call Jimmy, or Suki, or any other staff member, they called Jerry. Now, that’s a role that falls onto chief operating officer, aka the person who is in charge of the day to day of the company. He would be working closely with the chief communications officer and the CEO because his work directly overlaps with theirs.
The CEO would be relying on him to handle the tiny details (like things happening with the hotel or media interactions on site) while the CCO would be relying on him to help with the presenting of the company and its work. And once again, I don’t think Jimmy would trust a secretary or personal assistant that much. But with a COO, if he goes down, so do they. It would be safer involving them in his plans. Also, the way other employees seem to differ to him wouldn’t being doing so if he was working exclusively with Jimmy (like a secretary or personal assistant), he has to have a larger company role.
#sing 2#sing jerry#sing suki#sing analysis#sing jimmy crystal#as in i had to mention him to write this#suki being the cco makes so much more sense to me than talent scout#a talent scout is a low ranking employee on the company totem pole and wouldn't be in contact with the freaking majestic#and jerry wouldn't have been called if he was just a secretary. he has to have a job in an actual position of power over the daily workings#thank you to beyblade for making me research company positions for my entire childhood#it is surprisingly helpful#oh and porsha would not inherit the company after sing 2#one. internal reviews would absolutely be going on like crazy#and two. she has legit no experience from what we can tell so the board of directors would assume control#oh and jerry is almost definitely got arrested for aiding and abetting a legit murder attempt#scratch that. MULTIPLE MURDER ATTEMPTS#AND HINTS TOWARDS PAST ONES TOO#i swear this company is going to be burned into the ground in the public eye and popularity polls#as in. economically. crystal entertainment is absolutely fucked#i will fill every plot hole with a bulldozer made of headcanons
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the amount of things my brain has inserted hualian into at this point is astounding. tloz. pmmm. ffx. the epic of gilgamesh. More
#in pmmmverse hua cheng is some kind of fucked up sapient witch amalgamation.#also jun wu is kyubey ahahahahaha#in my final fantasy ten brainworld the story gets more changed up than pmmm bc in pmmm is very easy to draw the madoka-xl homura-hc paralle#but anyways hong'er volunteers to be a guardian for summoner princelian's pilgrimage and eventually winds up#becoming a fayth & princelians final aeon; only; something goes very wrong at the last second and xl is not able to go up against sin#his other guardians mu qing and feng xin leave him too:) and in the end he has nothing but hong'ers petrified body and a broken destiny#i want hc to fuse with sin like jecht does in the original game but since xl doesnt fight sin his final aeon never gets summoned to do that#but honestly its in character for hc to defy reason and the laws of reality for his god anyways so#hong'er gets so upset at witnessing his princes fall from grace from beyond the veil he implodes and half summons himself<3#only he looses it a little and ends up exploding the ruins of zanarkand and most of everything else around him and himself#when he tries to rip sin and/or jun wu into little shreds#get it. like the birth of wu ming#anyways in the resulting destruction xianle is presumed dead oh no:( jun wu escapes injured and is like#oh no!!! the battle with sin was fierce.... its so sad that xie lian died and also failed to defeat it.... that was crazy aha anyways#xie lian swears off summoning for a very very long time after that. hes busy roaming the countryside and pretending to cope mostly#he keeps hong'ers stone tablet with him. hong'er/wu ming/hua cheng was never truly summoned and so he sleeps too for a very long time#mmmmmm#i dont have the attention span to type out what happens after that right now but tldr xie lian returns to make a second pilgrimage#and exposes jun wu fuckery AND kills sin once and for all with his bizarre fucked up huge aeon he seems to be able to talk to#final fantasy ten isnt very popular so this probably isnt very comprehensible without context#but thats ok#its for me anyways
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i'm gonna be autistic about borderlands for a sec, everyone stay with me okay
i do not understand why the borderlands games try to make moxxi so important to jack, i dont get it, genuinely it doesn't make sense
so, spoilers for BL2, the pre-sequel, tales from the borderlands, and BL3 moxxi's heist- the general info you need is that jack and moxxi canonically dated for a period of time between the first game and TPS, how long this was we arent sure but we can make a guess that at the VERY most it was less then six months of them being together
we can piece this together by the vague timeline of TPS happening about a year or less after the first game
(this is estimated by the fact that Athena said she worked with jack five years ago, meaning TPS happened five years ago by the time the second game takes place and five years is also the amount of time that's passed between the first and the second game so- TPS took place in a very short few month period after the first game)
now we know that they couldn't have been together for long because moxxi was together with BOTH mordecai AND jack during this only a few month period of time between games- this is confirmed in a line of dialogue from BL2 where mordecai says moxxi left him for jack at the end of BL1 but then in TPS moxxi and jack are already broken up, which means they could have only been together for a few months for the timeline of five years to make sense! at the VERY most they were together for like, three months or even just a few weeks. all that matters is that it was not very long
in BL2 there's also a line about jack destroying moxxi's fighting dome because he thought she cheated on him, which is a thing he does AS handsome jack not as the normal dude jack he was when they broke up, the reason for which is still unknown but we know it was Vaguely Messy which is like whatever, sure, that sorta makes sense for him to do but what DOESN'T is the games trying to convince you that jack is in love with her.
okay you still following? cool
in TPS jack is visibly uncomfortable around moxxi and doesn't like working with her, even going as far as asking her to stop calling him 'sugar' a request she just, ignores and continues doing anyway, also during TPS is when jack gets together with nisha, his canon girlfriend he's had through the five years between BL1 and BL2. jack is INSANELY in love with nisha, we see this in the after credits art of both TPS and BL2 same with the way he talks to her/about her in TPS and in outside game material where he literally stutters when talking about her AND in the way he proudly displays her hat in his office in TFTBL alongside his most prized possessions.
he LOVES his woman with his entire heart, he gave her a whole town to prove it!! nisha is his everything outside of hyperion so, tell me, PLEASE why BL3 tried to tell us that jack was still in love with moxxi? because i do not get it at all
what im talking about here is 1. in moxxi's heist timothy is in love with moxxi, this is made canon in TPS where he fumbles through trying to flirt with her and in the heist dlc this is brought up again and timothy has a line about how jack asked moxxi on a date during his reign as handsome jack and sent timothy to go as him because he was busy but like, why would he do that? we know that jack is insane about nisha why would he then?? ask his ex that he visibly hates on a date??? and then 2. they added a fucking painting of her in his office in the casino.
i do not even know where to begin on how much i hate that detail
when you get to jack's office in the casino there are two paintings you find, one is of angel- makes sense, is his daughter who he loves even if he is really bad at it, it's the same as him having the picture of her in his office on helios, he loves his daughter, a painting of her being here is in line with everything else!! plus it's really pretty and i like it
then across from that is a painting of moxxi, which makes no fucking sense!!! why isn't it nisha!! it SHOULD be nisha!! the woman he is CURRENTLY TOGETHER WITH AND MADLY IN LOVE WITH????
i have DETESTED this detail since i first played the dlc, as much i love moxxi's heist and credit it as my favorite borderlands dlc the whole 'moxxi is jack's true love' thing makes me so confused?? they dated for MAYBE three months between BL1 and TPS and then he got into a five year long committed relationship that is never properly explored in the games and then the devs have the gall to say they wish they had done more with nisha like!!! good news you still could have!! but you didn't
anyways, i apologize for this, it has just been bothering me for months and i had to get it out and see if anyone else had noticed this and was bothered by it?? because it makes me go a little insane every time i think about it
then again maybe the character writing in BL3 is just bad
#borderlands 2#borderlands handsome jack#borderlands mad moxxi#borderlands nisha kadam#borderlands rant#i guess#i dont even like nisha and jack together either!! but the way they just erase her to shoe horn moxxi in pisses me off!!#that is NOT the love of his life#OR and hear me out here devs we COULD maybe just possibly add a picture of his first wife?? crazy thought#i swear to fuck if the answer to this is racism i am going to scream#it doesn't help that BL3 specifically has a HUGE problem with misogyny? that game is horrific in the way it treats it's female characters#also just idk jack's writing really fell off in BL3? all the characters did but his stuck out to me in moxxi's heist#it started to fall in tales when they made him super sexist out of nowhere??#and the whole him being cartoonishly evil instead of being grounded like he was in bl2 and tsp made me upset#taking this character with such depth and being like 'yeah he hates women and thinks animal abuse is funny' was a weird turn!#then they do this shit with him in bl3#there are some parts of his writing in bl3 that i like but most of it doesn't sound like him#ALSO TELL US MORE ABOUT HIS FIRST WIFE YOU ASSHOLES#i am fully going to make a huge post about jack's first wife and how awfully they treat that character as a whole#i might also talk about how gross the treatment of the female characters in bl3 is if anyone is interested? because it's gross#anyways#sorry#autism won again#a painting of nisha would have been so pretty too :(#dont play bl3 lol that's the moral here
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COLLEGE APPLICATIONS DONE I’m free from the “no fanart in portfolio” curse. Anyway hits you with my visualization of a scene I wrote a while ago blast
#me when I have so so much work to do and my best friend falls asleep in my bed and that fucks with me so bad that#I can’t sit any closer or farther than the floor beside him#these guys are fucking crazy you know when you like a man and it destroys you inside and out#last year you got toxic doomed yuri this year. you get doomed yaoi#typing yaoi in my tags in the year of 2024 took years off my lifespan (I was on the internet when OMG MY YAOI BOYS was popular)#that’s honestly the only reason I didn’t make the caption HITS U WITH MY DOOMED YAOI BEAM#me proving im not biased and can and do write queer men and not just insane lesbians#guys i swear I write men too guys please#all romantic adjacent relationships in my original story are like. m/m f/f nb/f nb/m#14 year old me literally started this story with the idea that there wouldn’t be a single m/f thing going on#and now i think that idea is flawed but we’ve gone too far now#anyway#take a shot every time i tag something with anyway#it’s just so fun#posts for one audience member (Lorien) (when he sees this specific guy in particular) (IM RAMBLING IN TAGS DONT YELL AT ME)#oc#OCs#original character#original characters#original story#not super super happy with this but like its fine#breads guys
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People being wrong about BB makes me feel so insane . I see it and go wow you really have no media literacy huh
#j.txt#girlies who only played mgsv and treat venom as a perfect pathetic soggy little guy and bb ks this evil mastermind have 0 braincells#wow you think the man whos whole arc is about being repeatedly traumatized and betrayed into discarding his humanity#to do the only thing hes ever known how to do and be good at makes him a bad person#thats crazy man you should go shut the fuck up forever#i swear people on this site have such poor media literacy when they can just ignore whats being said and treat every character#as tropes and archetypes to slam together in their yaoi makebelieve world#the metal gear 'fandom' and especially 'fanon' makes me so sad
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:)
i wanna eat reiner’s cum
#I WANT HIM SO FUCKING BAD RIGHT NOW YALL DONT UNDERSTANDDDFD#I WANNA ….. OOH DAMN. I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN#I WANNA FUCK HIM 25/8#I WANT HIM TO USE ME UNTIL I CANT TAKE NO MORE 😩#RAHHHHHHHH#SEE WHAT THIS MAN DOES TO ME?! ITS INSANE I SWEAR#HE’S MAKING ME GO CRAZY.#— harmoni rambles#— (.reiner)#he gon make me lose my mind.
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ep 9 is a lot to process uhm
#well yang kindaaa went batshit crazy (only bc of that fucking cat whos the real antagonist all along) but im glad she still got herself tgt#ruby is obviously gonna live i think. but yea its implied but idt shes gna use cresent rose anymore 💔💔 LIKE NOOO CRESENT ROSE WAS SO OG#also what the actual fuck is going on w the fight scene like????#okay i get why neo has no reason to return anymore BUT JAUNE FALLING?#LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ROOSTER TEETH IS HE DEAD DONT YOU DARE KILL HIM OFF I FUCKING SWEAR#i hate that fucking cat so much bro hes so annoying i want him DEAD by next week once the final ep drops#but if he dies ... does that mean neo will die to since shes the vessel :(#as much as i hope thats not gna be the case it's a bitttt inevitable? pls let me have my delusions of neo having her redemption arc pleasee#anyways go ruby do what makes u happy 👩❤️💋👩👩❤️💋👩 as much as i love cresent rose if not using her anymore is what makes u heal +#+ happy i will have no complaints do whats best for you baby 🥹 ueueue i love her sm#no but what if she just uses summers weapons to kill off that cat#and then when they go back to remnant it's back to cresent rose (im delusional)#it's very impossible looking at rubys situation now but hey one can dream yk#SPEAKING OF SUMMER I WAS VERY SURPRISED WHEN I SAW HER IN THE FIRST BIT#i wish they showed her face like cmon why is rt acting like we didnt see her face in that one season like?? 🙁 let me see the pretty mother#AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK IS RWBY V9 EP 9 it felt like some type of filler ep 💀 not that i hate it but it was kinda short to me#season finale next week better be good or else im gna be so mad like we did not just see neo getting POSSESSED all 4 a bad ending 4 the szn#on a side note: i hope we get to see the others again pls pls pls i NEED renora development 😣😣 my og childhood bffs to lovers 40k words +#+ mutual pining and slowburn romance (it took them 8 seasons to kiss)#rwby v9 spoilers#this was so long to break down damn sorry for the typos i am not redoing all of these tags just to correct them
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when I was around twelve I used to sit at the family computer and send hatemail to a white french dude named Jacques who was a self proclaimed communist on Tumblr. This was back in the day when you didn't need a blog to send anon hate. I had no real beef with him but I just didn't like his tone. used to send him "SHUT UP Jacques" periodically. and he'd answer every single one of my asks like "who is this?? show your face or I'll fucking kill you" and I'd be like "now now, that doesn't make sense, jacques" all haughty and he'd get so fucking mad at me. One time he posted a selfie and I sent him an ask claiming I was a psychologist and that his hair parting suggested that he wasn't a communist at all. and he took it deliriously serious and went off on a 2,000 word rant. I can remember going to stay at my grandparents over that weekend, so I didn't even respond to the rant until I came back. I could've chosen to end it there, but when I returned, I sent him another ask which was like "psychologist here again: if you were a communist your hair parting would be in the middle. evenly distributed. All behavioural signs point to someone who doesn't take their own values seriously." and he went ballistic. really swearing at me. all caps type beat. he never turned the asks off, btw. which always made me wonder if he didn't know how to, or if he didn't want to cause he was convinced he was fighting a war, and this action would ensure he lost it. anyway this went on for weeks until one day I completely forgot about him like he was some kind of childhood imaginary friend I'd conjured up in my loneliness. but yesterday I happened to recall the whole scenario, because my buddy was like "remember when you were twelve and I came over to your house, and you showed me on the computer how you'd been terrorizing this random French guy for days on end. And you were laughing like fucking crazy. and I said it wasn't funny because he probably had problems, and you were like 'oh.' and you looked a bit guilty for a second, but then you went and got a grapefruit from the kitchen and threw it out of the second story window at my kid brother, who was playing in the street, and then you started laughing again?" Well. when she put it like that, needless to say I felt bad. so Jacques if you're out there I'm sorry I was such a little shit. you had totally normal hair, and you only wanted people to share stuff. If it's any consolation I know every day of my life that I'm probably going to hell for the sick things I have done
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bad dating stories time: the shoe incident
so in highschool, my best friend wasnt allowed to go on dates unless there was another couple there to keep an eye on him. part of this was his parents being insane, but also, part of it was him being insane. in a problem with no reasonable parties, there are no reasonable solutions.
at some point in my junior year, my sorta-gf broke up with me, and i just wasnt feeling dating, which was bad for my friend, because he had a good thing going with a girl he met in court.
he kind of hounded me about it. kept pushing me to just put me feet back in the dating pool and i wasnt real thrilled about it, because i knew he was pushing me for his own benefit, not mine, so i kept telling him to fuck off, and after a few weeks of being told that i would date when i was damn well ready, he eventually said: okay. what if i paid for the date AND found you a blind date AND all you had to do was show up?
and i shouldve said no, i know, but i let him wear me down, and i will own my fault in that. a date starting on such a stupid premise could never have gone well.
but he still managed to find a way to make it worse.
i dont know how long he tried to set a blind date up. it couldve been multiple attempts. he couldve stooped to this immediately. but what happened in the end was that he called a girl from the ward he attended - a girl that he knew had a giant, mushy crush on him - and he said: hey! how would you feel about going on a date this weekend?
(you know, implying it was with him, but never actually saying it.)
and she said YES WOW I WOULD LOVE TO and he said great! and then he called me up and said he found me a date.
i did not learn about his crimes until several weeks later. i will die swearing before god almighty that i would never have allowed this travesty to happen if i had known.
that was on a monday. the date of the date rolled around that friday evening, and im sorry to confess, i really phoned the whole thing in. i showed up in my favorite comfy outfit, which was also a fashion crime: basketball shorts and flipflops and a baja hoodie. it was super comfy but it made me look kind of crazy. i picked him up first, and then i picked up his date next, and then we went to pick up my date, and thats where you're gonna get the play by play.
i arrived, walked across the yard, and knocked on the front door. she opened it almost immediately, like shed been waiting right by it, and i could see her expression go from OMG IM SO EXCITED to super disappointed, then disgusted and finally pissed. and because i didn't know about my friends sins, i thought it was from my outfit. which seemed... harsh. like, hey, im allowed to be quirky, fuck you. also its a blind date, i thought the deal was that we were both going to be sad broken sacks of mortality.
anyway, we looked at each other for several seconds before she slammed the door in my face.
i looked back at my friend. he was sweating bullets. i dont know what he expected from this, but there was this big long pause where we both tried to figure out what to do, and then the door opened up, and her dad invited me in, and he said she was gonna need a few minutes to finish getting ready, and that in the meantime we could sit and talk.
we did not talk. we did sit. i sat down on the couch, and he sat down in a chair across the couch, and then instead of talking he cleaned his pistol on the coffee table. i wasnt actually sure if it was a threat, or if it was just a fidget thing for 40+ year old republican men, but when i tried to help he got snappy so i just watched him put a pistol back together.
he was okay at it.
eventually my date came downstairs, still mad as hell for reasons beyond my ken, and i felt pretty guilty for being such a mess because i thought that was why she was so angry. i tried to make up for by walking her to the car and getting the door for her, just generally trying to be extra polite, but before i could make it back to the drivers side, her dad called me back to the door. so i flipped around, went to the door, and immediately regreted my decision.
soon as i was within range, her dad got waaaay too close to me, leaned in, and said "whatever you do to her, i will do to you," and my brain went into overdrive making three consecutive realizations.
realization one was, damn, the pistol thing was a threat. that sucks. what an asshole. realization two was, wait, im autistic and even i know theres a 0% chance me and my date even hold hands, least of all boink. does this guy actually think there's even a 1% chance of anyone in that car getting laid tonight? is he an idiot? and then realization three went through, which was wait, is this guy threatening to fuck me? and unfortunately, with my brain doing so much processing, my mouth was left to run amok, so somewhere between realization 2 and 3, i said:
"i can't get pregnant"
which, i swear, wasn't actually me trying to be a smartass, it was just me pointing out that he couldn't actually follow up on that threat. it just wasn't possible. we do not live in the omegaverse and im not scared of you.
still, it was an insanely catastrophic thing to say, and the moment we both heard it, we bluescreened. that single sentence obliterated both of our momentary streams of consciousness like a saltine in front of a sand blaster. problem was, he'd probably gone his whole life not even realizing someone could say something that stupid, and making that realization was going to cost him a lot of thinking time. me though? i had been saying shit like that for 17 years, i didnt have to rewrite my expectations of human nature, i just had to plan an exit and start striding. so i was already halfway back to the car before i heard "hey. hey come back. Hey. Hey. HEY. HEY WAIT. HEY GET BACK HERE. HEY-"
and then i was in my car, and i drove away.
if this happened today, he'd have called her, and the whole thing wouldve imploded then and there, but back then, there were still a decent number of teenagers without cell phones. especially the teenagers of insane, gun toting parents. so she just said: whoa what was that all about? and i said: dont worry about it, he'll tell you about it when you get home.
and she said: ok and went back to staring daggers at me and my friend.
WHICH SURPRISINGLY isnt even how the story ends.
we went to an improv comedy show, and it was a disaster. it shouldve been like, 7/10 tops, but between my date being mad, and my friend having a good time, and me having the existential terror of knowing that a guy with a pistol was probably waiting outside his house for me to come back, it was easily 11/10. i laughed way too hard at everything. especially the jokes that flopped. id sit there in this mostly silent room and laugh until i dry heaved a little, and my date was absolutely disgusted, and even my friend was a little embarrassed, which would just make me laugh harder. i laughed so hard that night i could barely talk the next day. and then the show ended, and my friend said, you know, that was a good time, but i think we should maybe do something a little chiller? who wants to walk around the park? and his date said yeah, and my date said no, and i finally had mercy on the poor woman so i said, look, im gonna drop you off. and i am so, so sorry about this, but im dropping you off like a block away. super duper sorry.
do talk to your dad about the pistols thing if you dont want this happening more in the future tho.
and she said: okay. so i dropped her off, and she walked a block down, and that was that.
then i drove my friend and his date to a park that was good for wandering. i figured they wanted something more private, so instead of following them around point blank, i chose a park with this 30 foot rope tower, and i climbed to the top and i said: hey i can see you anywhere from up here, you are officially chaperoned from a distance. get panopticoned idiot. except my friend really is an idiot, and he didnt really get the whole 'now i dont have to third wheel so insanely hard with you guys' thing so he climbed up the tower too, and then his date followed behind him, so there are three people basically sitting together on top of a telephone pole.
and then they started making out.
i was close enough to hear it.
i didnt really know what to do so i was just kind of sitting there, dissociating, when some college kids came around and started shaking the tower. my friend's date went aaaaaaaaaa im afraid of heights :( and my friend went oh, dont worry, ill hold you tight ;) and i went hey, im gonna climb down and ask them to stop.
so i did climb down, and i did ask them to stop, and they flipped me off, which i wasnt even mad about. at that point i was i was like yeah, it would be weirder if this wasnt a mess. gods plan has been to fly this day like a 747 into my metaphorical twin towers and brother he is close enough for me to see him grinning through the cockpit window. still, eventually the college students got bored, so they climbed up the tower, which gave my friend and his date a window to climb down, and together we walked back to my car.
now, i cant explain why this is, but sitting back in the drivers seat was my carriage-back-into-a-pumpkin moment. i'd been chill about all the chaos, just rolling with the punches, but sitting down made me realize how much of a shitshow the day had been, and while i couldnt go back and fix all of it, i could go back and fix one thing.
so i told my friend and his date, hey, you two, stay here and don't do anything weird. don't. then i walked back to the rope tower, and i started picking up the shoes the college students had left at the base in order to climb.
about halfway through this, i realized that if i took all their shoes, they might think i was in it for the money, and i actually wanted them to know i was in it specifically to spite them. fuck those guys. so i put all the right shoes back, gave myself a 100 foot headstart, yelled "nice shoes, assholes", did a little jig, and started running.
my advice to everyone is that college students are faster than you think. even with the headstart, and the whole climb down the tower thing, i was still only fivish seconds ahead of them by the time i got to my car. i flung the door open, looked in the backseat, didnt see anyone, flung the stolen shoes in the backseat, heard two "ow"s, took that as proof of presence, jumped in and pealed out of the lot.
my friend and his date popped up a few seconds later. they were, uh, doing something weird in the back seat. my one request - obliterated.
they climbed up to ask where the hell all the shoes had come from, and i was like yeah i stole them from the college students, and they were like oh. cool. hope you had fun. and i was like, i did. i did. but speaking of fun, what were you doing back there?
and for the first time in my buddies life, i think he was actually embarassed.
#dating stories#anecdotes#long post#funny story#babylon#im really bad at dating#like i can do a lot better than this but also it just was kind of a nightmare for me#shit like this did make the whole thing easier tho#like#every date after this i could go you know ive seen how bad it can get#and i lived#didnt even get shot#writing
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Synopsis. No Nút November finally came, and so did he!
Pairings. [SEPARATE] Gojo x Reader, Sukuna x Reader, Choso x Reader, Geto x Reader, Nanami x Reader, Toji x Reader
Content. MDNI, fem! reader, losing NNN, PÚSSYDRUNK BOYS, bréeding, creampíes, cúmming in his pants, oraI (fem receiving), cúmplay, spítting, húmping, making Geto WHIMPER, exhibítionism (Geto), jealousy (Gojo), GOJO’S POWERS, innap. use of jujutsu, true form Sukuna, dp, p slapping, pet names, swéaring.
Word count. 5.9k
A/N. Y’all have no idea how I’ve been waiting to write this since FEBRUARY.
♡ TOJI FUSHIGURO - 8th Nov. 7:48PM
“S’stupid, so stupid-” Toji’s spitting, teeth grit so hard that he thinks he could taste the tang of metal. With a roughened grunt, his big palms smear open your sopping lips, “Such a stupid challenge, n’ a stupid month ah-”
And oh how Toji wishes he could reel back the babbles spilling from his ravaged lips. How he wishes his rumbling baritone didn’t shake ever-so-slightly near the end.
Because Toji Fushiguro was going crazy - and it was all your fault.
“Deprivin’ me of her-” Every single shred of his needy frustration from the past eight days bleeds into each gush of his furiously weepy cock. Fingers curling around the hilt to smack! smack! smack! his round, pinkish tip on your soppingly wet lips. “-ya know how hngh- crazy it drove me?”
One strong arm of his flexes mouth-wateringly tight around your squirming body, massaging your perfectly arched spine closer into his rock-hard abs. A full nelson. His favorite. One he’s missed for- “Over a week. Ohh- over a week n’ m’still not gonna lose.”
He already knew that was a lie.
Because just a single, sunken inch is enough to stretch your sloppy entrance so gapingly open, enough to have you keening for air.
To have him let his jaw fall slack with a hoarse drag of your name, drunken head falling back into the silken sheets when your gooey cunt swallows more and more of his hefty girth. So heavy and sweltering hot inside your clingy walls.
The first time in so long and it felt too good.
Your trembly fingers clutch Toji’s sweat-dampened locks. He growls with a rough pull of your hands, fat, readied balls giving such a painful squeeze at the simple gesture. Hiccuping a feverish puff of condensation by your ear, “What, ma? T-torturin’ me for eight days isn’t enough?”
“Not that–” you’re whining, batting away big bulbous tears of stimulation in your eyes. “Jus’ need you so bad.”
Fuck, that has every drop of blood in his body pumping right to his maddeningly hard dick, staggering size growing twofold.
You feel his velvety shaft kiss deeply into the bullseye of your g-spot, swollen length making your elastic walls constrict around him. Shit, all it’d taken was eight days to almost forget how jaw-droppingly big Toji was. How he was rutting up in mindless, squelching wet gyrations up into your dripping cunt.
“Shoulda thought of that before ya were holdin’ out on me.”
And Toji’s utterly seething, pressurizing his riotous hips with enough of his almost-inhuman strength that he’s fucking you like he hates you. Every one of his words are dripping in a scolding tone, pumping up harshly with sudden jabs into your snug pussy. Deeper and deeper and oh-
He can’t help but leer his glassy eyes over down at the heavenly view, splaying his beefy forearms underneath your quivering legs to stretch you out shamelessly.
“Did ya kn-know this was ah- gonna happen?” he gruffs, already feeling a slight trickle of drool down the side of his scar. “That this stupid fuckin’ challenge was gonna drive me mad? M’still not- not gonna ah- cum-”
Fuck.
But even Toji didn’t know at this point.
“Shit-” Your body bows in an even sluttier way, hips swiveling in slow, sultry grinds to guide the very end of his weepy cock into kissing your most sensitive spots. Drawing wet, translucent glides of steaming hot precum down your insides. “W-wasn’t on purpose, Toji I s-swear- s’a chall-”
“Challenge my ass.” he’s rolling his eyes, and you feel his lips graze across yours in a messy excuse of a kiss. Dark brows furrows, a low ah! ah! ah! leaving his mouth with every slurping plunge. “My only ch-challenge right ah- fuckin’ now s’to get you to cum–”
You shake your bleary head, fingers dipping to his wrist. “No– wan’ you to cum first-”
Earning you a sweet, simpering smack! right alongside the peak of your throbbing clit, he’s smoothing over the sting with methodical massages of his rude fingers. “Move that damn hand.”
Leaving you gasping when he shotguns his painfully hard cock at such an angle to mash ruthlessly into your g-spot, your cervix. Punishing, bruising spearheads to remind you. “A challenge and m’gonna t-treat it like one. Cum.”
But oh, if Toji Fushiguro thought that he was running on merely the fumes of his sanity before then he wasn’t ready for you to finally reach your orgasm.
Milking his cock in only a few more shuddering jams before you’re crashing headfirst into a sudden wave of your high, tightly stuffed pussy gushing out in honeyed gushes. It glistens down into his drenched tufts of black, squirting all over his rippling abs to shine an almost-creamy sheen.
His dewy eyes widen - you squirted. You squirted.
And in response all Toji can do is bite down into the tender crook of your neck. Bite and bite until he was cumming.
Whimpering out a broken tone into your skin, his sharp canines dig even more animalistically. Dangerously pulsing cock snapping upwards in a sudden surge that has his rummagingly fat tip bumping into your womb, a thorough thrust before dumping out thick, voluminous spurts of his cum.
“F-fuck–” he’s breathing out unsteadily, sculpted chest heaving for breath. Eyes still scrunched firmly shut no matter how much he wanted to see that prettily fucked-out expression on your face, because ever slight squeeze of your cozy walls had him twitching out another ribbon of cum. “Oh god- shit, ma- this pussy- gonna be- hngh- death-”
Easily overstimulating Toji until he could feel embarrassing tears prick behind his lids, cumming after what felt like so long and now he didn’t want to stop. Couldn’t stop.
Instead swirling a ravenous thumb down the edges of your leaking slit, pooling the creamy dredges of his seed that’d formed a little ring around his thick base.
Without warning he’s shoving every single pearlescent bead back into your already overspilling pussy.
“Heh, whatever-” he tuts, sliding his tongue down those syrupy splatters of your slick - glossing all the way up to his scar. “Now that I’ve already lost this stupid challenge, jus’ stop yer whinin’ and ride me proper, doll.”
♡ NANAMI KENTO - 21st Nov. 5:31PM
Nanami Kento was not going to lose to your little challenge.
He was not going to let down his gorgeous wife.
He was not going to-
“Fuck.” Nanami heaves, he gasps for air. “Fuck.”
Thick fingers curl even tighter around his fat hilt, squeezing within an inch of himself. He’s hissing at the way that makes his angrily red tip blush even deeper, beading down glistening beads of precum that drip! drip! drip! right onto your pretty face.
“Tha’s it-” he’s huffing out, darkened eyes drooping into a sultry half-lid. Muscled thighs spreading further, he sears a firm five-fingered grip onto your hair. Cool wedding ring brushing over your scalp, “K-keep that gorgeous face still f’me, my love.”
But oh, despite that sweet, sweet pet name his tone drips with such sheerly primal need. Hoarse towards the end with something dangerous.
It was only a brief mention of this month that ended up with you two this - just a tiny joke of a special reward at the end that had Nanami clenching his teeth and his sanity to keep from cumming this entire month.
And he’d only made it so far.
All it took was a single pissed off work meeting, a single complaint from a client, one bad day at work for him to slam your shared apartment door open. Striding his way towards you darkly before spitting to you - his beautiful wife - “on your knees.”
Not even to have your pretty mouth on him- no, Nanami’s blond brows furrow deeper, sweat sheening a thin layer on his forehead when his greedy palms just drag down his drooling length. Over and over.
“Ken-”
“Shit.” His fat, rotund head twitches at the mere sound of your honeyed voice, his favorite song. Gushing out a steady stream of glossing precum against the side of your lips, and Nanami just hunches. “Shhh, darling you’re gonna have me-”
“I want you to, Ken.” you’re batting your lashes up at him in a way that makes him gasp, admiring all the dips and curves of his sculpted body. “Please?”
He pants out such a shuddering breath that you feel fan your face, stern lips falling further and further slack with every sodden clench of his balls. Every swirl of the soft pad of his thumb around the bawling pinkish divot of his tip.
“Take it.” Reward be damned. He was nothing against you. His metallic wristwatch flashes with every hurried pump up and down up and down up and- “T-take it all f’me, my wife.”
And oh then he’s cumming - head thrown back, toned abs rippling, face burning red when he’s moaning your name like a mantra. Over and over again into the heady living room air because Nanami hadn’t even made it as far as the bedroom before giving into that dark urge to paint your pretty features white with himself.
Spazzing tip weeping out thick dredge after dredge of his seed that sticks to you like a sloppy second skin. Drooling down the side of your mouth, and he’s guiding his fat cock to gloss over your lips. Pretty.
“My love- get up-” he’s hissing through clenched teeth. And before those syrupy slurring words can even register in your mind, Nanami’s swiftly looping two strong arms around your waist. Dragging you upwards like some glorified ragdoll. “Need- hahhh– I need-”
Immediately, you’re being carried to splay all out on the plushy sofa nearby, Nanami hovering over you with kiss after messy kiss. Tasting himself, tasting you.
“Have no idea how much- hngh–” Shit, he can’t even speak right now, words breaking into the most whiny groans you’ve ever heard pulled from the man. “How much I missed-” And with a particularly loud squelch! he’s reeling back just enough from the filthy kiss. Drunken grin leering across his face at the dripping gleam all over the lower half of your face, delicate strings of spit and cum still connecting you to him. “-this.”
You’re blinking away the haze, pressing pecks into sight dimple at the corner of his mouth. “M-missed this, too- Hah, don’t even care about that ch-challenge.”
Gliding an open palm down your curved spine, he grins. “Exactly what I like to hear.”
And then you feel like you’re being split open apart so widely that it feels like Nanami’s reaching into your very lungs, swiping the milky tip of his still-hard cock against those hidden-away sensitive spots of yours. He’s prying open your snug cunt with steady, slow spearheads, barely even tugging away his work tie before folding you into such a thorough mating press.
“I remember–” he’s dancing a thumb across your sodden lips, glossing it over in the most obscene opaque coating of cum you’d never even imagine. Popping it into his mouth. Sucking. “-something about a reward.”
He’s smearing his left hand down your throbbing clit - purposefully, to chuckle at the way you whine and puff about the cool sting of his golden wedding band. But more importantly, Nanami’s other hand draws down an invisible line about halfway down your stomach.
Fuck.
Exactly where he could feel his leaky cock bludgeon solid, circular bruises into your spongy cervix. Bouncing back at the recoil, exactly where he knew that little nudge was, dragging his pulsing cock to massage your cunt, your womb-
You suck in a shuddered inhale, “Wh-what about the reward?”
“Well, since there’s no ngh- u-use in the challenge anymore…” His long fingers press down hard. And oh the way the realization dawns on your face makes you look so beautiful underneath him - his beautiful wife. But Nanami can’t help but think how much more of a beautiful momma you’d be. How perfect. Unable to tear his eyes away from the slow dribble of cum down your lips. “How about a reward for both of us, my love? Two or three rewards?”
♡ GETO SUGURU - 11th Nov. 3:33AM
“S-Sugu-”
“...”
“Sugu-”
“Shhh–” Your leader’s silky smooth voice thrums at your throat, pressing an unapologetic trail of kisses down the tender skin. And you jolt at the sharp nip of his canines, “We’re trying to have a hah- meeting here, honey.”
But it was anything but that.
Fed up with your little challenge, Geto had all but demanded you sit with him through your next cult meeting. Plopping you down all prettily on his manspread lap as soon as the rest of your members filed in, acting for all the world like he wasn’t just taking filthy advantage of that short skirt he’d insisted you wear.
Stuffed staggeringly deeply inside.
Your saturated pussy lips bulge around his fat length, swirling his swollen cock around your walls with even the tiniest jostles. Firmly and readily cockwarming him for hours now.
And both of you were nearing your limits - especially Geto, but, of course, he couldn’t let you know that yet.
“Something wrong?” he’s lilting his baritone voice in volume, just enough for the surrounding members to catch interest in. Deliberate. One massive palm gripping a handful of your hips, “Seems like you’re having oh- difficulty gettin’ comfortable, gorgeous?”
Muscular thighs bouncing up and down in a relentless little cadence that had you gripping onto his decadent robes for balance. Tiny, rummaging thrusts of his sloppy length pierce your snug insides. Ridges upon ridges of his prominent veins massaging every single sweet spot he could reach - all of them.
They had him coaching those gruff grunts to the very back of his throat, fists curling on the table to prevent himself from simply slamming you down until you were stupid on his thick cock.
Babbling out in a desperate tone, “Suguru I can’t-”
Oh? He grits his teeth at the clingy squeeze of your velvety walls around his rotund tip, the way your ass jiggles at every slight gyration. So filthy. Raising one dark brow, Geto flicks a finger at the rest of the meeting to carry on. “Can’t even handle a lil’ cockwarming, hm? What h-happened to my stubborn girl from before? And her no-nut-Nov-”
“Stop teasing!” you’re mewling out with a pretty pout that makes him twitch inside. “Jus’ want you t-to cum–” d-don’t care that i-it’s November anymore-”
His rock-hard cock throb throb throbs inside your melty walls, bumping every oozing wave of precum into the very bottom of your pussy. And you could hear mutters spurting from every corner of the room now.
They knew. They always did.
“Oh so now, you don’t care?” Geto snickers, leaning back in his velvety chair to seep a bit more power behind his swiveling hips. “D-didn’t hngh- seem so greedy for my cock when ya made me p-promise not to cum for a month.”
As if to prove his point - and disprove yours - Geto’s hand comes slamming! down onto the vast mahogany table, grin wide. Dangerous. A primal rasp resounding at the back of his throat when he’d punishing your poor pussy with his first thorough thrust yet.
One. Two. Three.
“P-please!”
“P-p-please, what?” he’s mocking, dramatics of your own whiny tone.
“Please, Sugu–” You’ve definitely attracted the attention of every other person in this meeting room right now. But Geto couldn’t give a fuck. Not when those words fall from your syrupy sweet lips, “-m’s-sorry jus’ fuck-”
SLAM!
He stands. One hand at your neck, the other at your clit.
And as soon as your needy front is hitting the cool table, Geto’s merciless cockhead is diving thoroughly into your sweetened spots. The sudden change in angle letting him barrel his girthy shaft to tuck away at your very womb, all it takes for you to cum.
Eyes rolling to the back of your head, nails clawing at the poor wood, he’s driving his weepy cock in to pound you through every single one of your highs.
Peak after peak that Geto can’t help but get addicted to, and he’s missed this heavenly feeling so much that he can’t help but let his mean mouth hang open. Dark, dewy eyes rolling so far into the back of his head that he’s forced to scrunch them closed.
The table rattles precariously when he’s rutting his hips into you ferally, sharp hip bones smacking aching bruises against the fat of your ass. Pressing you down with his entire body weight when-
“Oh- oh shit, all your f-fault. Fuck-” He half-collapses when he cums. Over and over in thick, stringy wads that gush into your very cervix. Sloshing around with each of his jackhammers, it paints your velvety walls with a dripping white coat. Again. And again. And again and again- “So jus- take it-”
Shit.
Geto almost forgot how unfairly good it felt to have his achy cock milked by your cunt. Mustering up every shred of will to crack an eye open, he could spy the way your soppingly wet slit was overspilling with so much of his seed.
Licking his lips, he’s holding back a whimper.
And, truly, it was almost embarrassing the way that obscene sight was all it took for Geto’s once-softening cock to shoot up another few wispy ribbons of cum all over again.
So much of it that he couldn’t control.
Couldn’t even think of taming the way he was hiking up one powerful thigh onto the table to drive even more forcefully into you. Fingers curling almost painfully tightly around your throat to reel you into a filthy kiss of teeth and tongue.
He has absolutely no shame wrapping his glossy lips around your tongue to suck. And even less at the way that honeyed taste of you is all it takes for him to shoot a well round of sputtering blanks into your pussy.
Chuckling tearily at those downturned, greedy eyes - shit, when did he even start crying? “A-aw look, you’ve interrupted the meeting, gorgeous.”
♡ CHOSO KAMO - 4th Nov. 10:01PM
“F-four days?” Choso’s swallowing a heavy gulp, burning face buried into the crook of your neck. And he can’t stop from heaving in deep inhales, from letting his mouth water. “-s’only been four days, baby?”
That cute, broken quiver in his tone has you tittering out a teasing giggle, something that only has his breath even more shortened. Brows knitting together when his hips just rut-
“Sorry.” your lovely boyfriend’s hiccuping, trembly fingers wrapping even tighter around your body. And he’s trying - scrambling - oh-so-desperately to stray his glassy gaze back onto the movie on-screen. He has to. He needs to or else he’s about to lose his fucking sanity. “Sorry didn’t hngh- didn’t mean to, jus’ ignore-”
But that’s when Choso’s breath hitches, when his large body wrecks with a violent shudder running down his spine. “Are you alright, Cho?”
Because oh, your taunting body was squirming up just right against the hefty girth of his swollen cock. Dragging your ass down the exact line of his sensitive slit in a way that has his hand grasping roughly onto your hips to make you stop-
“M’gonna ah- m’not gonna be able t-to do it, baby–” he’s pleading in a filthy kiss against your lips. Sucking. Begging. “Please- don’t-”
“Don’t what, Cho?”
Shit, that nickname has him hurling his hips forwards with a choked-up grunt. Seeing white-hot pleasure behind his eyes at every one of your smoothly swiveling gyrations, seeing you in all your dripping wet glory when he thumbs your drenched panties just to the side.
“Shit.” he gasps, dewy eyes widening, breath turning feverish at your neck. “Shit shit shit- wh-why are you so-”
And Choso moans, he can’t even finish his sentence right now. Can’t do anything but tug down his too-tight gray sweatpants to glide a steamingly hot smear of precum down your slit.
“So what- oh-” Your taunting mouth only drops further and further open when he’s dragging his achy cock down your cunt like he was addicted. Getting off to the way that your saturatedly wet pussy lips were coating him in a glossy sheen, sucking him up like you wanted-
“Just the tip.”
It’s his little mantra.
Rasped out over and over into your open mouth, panted in every messy kiss of his reddened, fat head against your sloppy hole. Once. Twice. Pretty pecks to French kisses..
“What was that–?” you’re batting your lashes, your hips meeting his messy cadence when his own speeds up. Keening at the sculpted leg being thrown over yours to angle his driving pistons more determinedly - desperately.
With a low whine at the back of his throat, the curved tips of Choso’s fingers find their sultry way down to your clit. And he’s giving you a harsh tug at the very peak before sobbing, “Just want to put it in, baby- jus’ the tip- p-please-”
“Just the tip?”
The movie long-forgotten.
The resounding squelch! squelch! squelch! of skin on sodden skin rings louder in your ears, as do those tiny hitches in Choso’s pants. Words gurgled though those big, bulbous tears rolling down his cheek, “Please- can’t do it anymore. Ngh- wan’ to c-cum- can I cum inside?” Drooping, half-lidded eyes boring right into your bleary ones, “Please?”
And all you can do is nod.
All Choso can do is try not to lose his fucking mind just as soon as the thick circumference of his head is bullying past your swollen folds, feeding you inch after ragingly needy inch of his cock.
All it takes for him to lose - because with the most broken of moans, you’re being stuffed snugly full with the sheer volume of Choso’s cum. With just the tip. And there’s so much of it, it’s like he hasn’t cum for years, sloshing to hit the very back of your womb, slopping around in a way that makes you shiver.
Wrangling to slip out his cock the tiniest inch-
“No!” Choso gasps, eyes blowing wide almost comically. “No no no- wanted- inside- hngh-” His ruddy lower lip wobbles at the slow, sultry dribble of his potent seed down your inner thighs, glossing over his own hands when he’s smearing your sodden pussy lips stretched even wider. “Inside, baby–”
“O-oh my god-” your eyes can just barely crack open when two slender fingers slip into your slick entrance, plugging you staggeringly full as soon as he’s shoving you tight with the rest of his angry cock. Rock-hard length stretching your meshing cunt taut, the very tips of his fingers being jostled to the side of every spongy g-spot in your walls. “Cho- s’too full it won’t- won’t- ah-”
The sheer stimulation was maddening.
And Choso was drunk on your pretty moans.
“Yes it will-” he’s babbling, syrupy saliva being drooled in a streaming wad right onto your lolling tongue. And with his free hand, he’s prying your pretty mouth shut. “Don’t- hngh- don’t sound so cute, baby s’gonna make me- oh-”
But you could already guess.
Because just the slightest note of your voice, the slightest grind of your hips to fuck back into his mindlessly messy cadence had him jolting inside you. Too-sensitive tip twitching out in honeyed ribbons of precum that drip down your walls.
Choso hisses with a sudden thwack! of his hefty balls kissing up against your cunt, gliding a hand underneath your thigh to pound into you languidly. Desperately. “Four days- shit- couldn’t make four days without this c-cute cunt-”
“Baby—” you’re huffing, your half-lucid eyes drifting away to the black screen. “The movie’s over.”
He huffs out a wet bout of laughter into your lips, nipping slightly at the very bottom one. “But I g-guess that doesn’t matter when I ah- already l-lost does it, baby?” Reeling out the sticky digits of his fingers, snapping at those delicate strings of cum and your sweet, sweet juices. He grins. “Because I already have four day t-to make up for-”
♡ RYOMEN SUKUNA - 7th Nov. 8:29PM
Times like this, the king of curses found himself on his knees. Times like this, he wanted to ruin you.
“Awww, don’ be like that, woman-” he’s digging the rough dark claws on two hands onto the small of your back. Inhuman stretch wrenching you down, down, down that never-ending girth of his twin cocks. “Not when I’ve hngh- got you like this-”
But the only answer you’re giving him is another one of your stubborn pouts, brows scrunched together in a way that makes his tips twitch. Eagerly nudging up in a wet kiss against one of those sweet spots Sukuna knew would make you mewl.
Your lower lip wobbles with a whine, “M’ s-still mad at you, Kuna.”
Ah, he’d roll his eyes at your adorable antics but he knew that wouldn’t quite help his case. You’ve been like this ever since you’d joked about that little tradition humans did in November - and he took it seriously.
Too seriously, according to you, perhaps. With the way your devilish boyfriend was still fucking you into the decadent royal mattress - simply leaving you teasingly high and dry the mere moment he felt his orgasm coming.
And now, the very actions had him groaning. Powerfully muscled hips staggering upwards to bob you slowly on his cocks, rearing his fat tips against your cervix, your g-spot, your cervix, your g-spot, your- “What more do you ngh, want, brat?”
It’s asked with a sudden sopping swat planted on your beading cunt, and Sukuna’s taking the opportunity to let his other tongue take over. A slow, lewd drag of those massive tastebuds down your throbbing clit.
“I-I don’t ngh-” you’re moaning, and he already knows he’s winning. By the way your melty walls are cozying up even hotter around his thick cocks, your eyes rolling to the back of your head. “-don’t know-”
“Awww–” The third of Sukuna’s big, beefy arms just can’t help but thread through one of your own, bringing it right up to his lips to leave a saccharine sweet kiss on the back of your hand. “My woman- my love-” One. Then another. And Another. “My queen, tell me what you want.”
Your tone cracks into a saturated whine when he ambushes a particularly sensitive part of your g-spot, drawing a wet glisten of precum down the side of your walls. Swelteringly hot. “W-want more-” Your trembly arms snake around his broad shoulders, digging into the smooth muscle. “-wan’ more, Kuna- hah- please-”
And who was Ryomen Sukuna to ever say no to you?
In just a few split-seconds, you’re being dragged right off of his bulging cocks. Throat just barely moving to whimper in disappointment, when Sukuna manhandles you to splay out pliantly on all fours on those silken sheets.
Face buried into the mushy pillows, his cocks buried in your dripping cunt.
“Shit-” he’s shuddering, heavy balls clenching at the newly sodden wave of slick that drools down your slit. And Sukuna can feel himself drool ever-so-slightly, hiding his burning face away in your neck. Thank fuck for doggy. “Is tha’s all you wanted, then–”
And every one of his surging thrusts have you plummeting further and further up the bed, gripping onto the mahogany headboard. He’s swiping down your thrumming clit, kissing a wet trail down your sluttily arched spine.
You sob when his smacking hips turn bruising, your gummy walls stretched to your limits. “Y-you were so mean-”
“Mhm– so mean, baby.”
“M-made me so hngh- mad- never liked that ah- stupid challenge-”
Sukuna’s just snickering, flashes of white-hot pleasure sparking behind his eyes. Every time he’s milking himself on your tight pussy forcing him to hold back his whimpers, his gasps. One large set of his rough digits curling around your throat to haul you off of the bed, your head airy when he’s fucking each and every single thought out of your syrupy mind. “Don’ worry, my ah- spoiled brat. M’gonna fill up this oh fuuuck- cute cunt n’ there nothin’ you n’ any stupid challenge can do about it.”
Both of his rock-hard cocks were so messy, dragging out the sloppiest of slurps when he’s rummaging around your velvety insides. Spurts of wispy white precum staining down your sodden walls, making you gasp.
“M’so close-” You’re arched into the perfect bow for Sukuna to drag his lips down yours in a filthy kiss, humming darkly. “Gonna ah-”
Your pretty cunt has Sukuna chuckling, babbling out drunkenly. “So cum then- hah- why dontcha cum. Cum all over my cocks-” And he wants it. Needs it now, and shit- he’s never participating in this puny human custom ever again. Lazing out his second tongue to squelch an unapologetic pathway to your clit. Rolling. Sucking. “-go on then, woman. Show off f’me.”
And each one of his words were trembling with sheer desperation, cracking, even when you’re finally reaching your peak. Pound after pound. Every flick of his monstrous tongue drags you through your high, letting your toes curl.
With a sudden, hefty shudder, his cum-filled balls clench - and Sukuna’s finally cumming. Harder than he has in all his thousands of years. Harder than he ever thinks he could.
You’re simply at the mercy of both weepy ends of his cocks when they burst out thick streams of his seed, reverberating the most filthiest of sounds that make your ears buzz. Doubly. And his balls smacking against your ass grow drippingly wetter, your poor pussy overspilling each of his steamingly hot ribbons of cum.
“Fuck-” Sukuna sucks in a sharp breath, tears crinkling at the very ends of his eyes from how heavenly it felt having his stringy seed slosh against and between his jostling lengths. His hand feels for that inflationary bump where you’d been stuffed full, purring. “Did you take your pill?”
You blink, “N-no?”
“Good. Because m’suddenly wanting for an h-heir this Christmas.”
♡ GOJO SATORU - 1st Nov. 12:17AM
Shit, he’s going to lose. Gojo’s musing with whatever’s left of his syrupy mind - or wait, was it even November, yet?
Ah, he can’t even remember. Can’t even think to do anything but piston the very cockhead of his needy length between your puffed-up pussy lips. Spreading apart your folds with an easy, glistening swipe. And he’s so half-lucid that Gojo giggles at the way your ready cunt is taking him in so well.
“You’re mine-” Gojo’s panting out a feverish breath. Kissing your sopping wet cervix easily with each furious thrust, he’s spitting out a wet drawl of profanity into your lips. “M-mine, y’know that?”
“Toru–” Fuck, your cracking whine has Gojo’s glassy eyes veering into the back of his head. Murmuring out a vibrating groan. “S’jus’ hah- what’s gotten into you-”
And the strongest could babble about how seeing that newly appointed teacher at Jujutsu Tech churned his gears. He could tell you about how easy it is to conjure up a hollow purple when some bastard is making eyes at his wife.
Especially in November of all days, when he’d finally said he was going to make it through the whole month. He has to.
But, no.
Instead, he’s crackling the very soft tips of his fingers with jujutsu. Pinching your clit ever-so-slightly–
“Fuck!” Your spine’s arching into such a delicious bow that has his mouth watering. His thoroughly sunken cock bursts out in a few dangerously wispy waves of precum that make him shutter a gasp. “U-using jujutsu’s not ngh- fair-”
“Fair?” he hiccups, nosing down the side of your neck. “Not fair is how hah- good this pretty pussy of yours f-feel, sweetheart.” And he’s rutting into you so sloppily, massaging down your elastic walls with each of his prominent veins. Over and over Gojo can feel himself losing his mind- “Shit- I think I-I’m the one that-”
You can’t even react.
Because in a split-second, Gojo’s splayed out all the way near the foot of the bed. Teleported.
Strong hands jostling your legs spread even further open, drool dripping down the side of his mouth when he just drinks in your essence, feverishly hot breath hovering over your quivering cunt. And that pathetic mewl barely out of your lips before-
“A-at least I can’t lose the ch-challenge way, heh-” Gojo’s lips move sultry and slow over your already thrumming clit, wrapping around so prettily to suck on the saturated beads of slick.
You can only keen, you can only thread your shaky fingers through his snow locks. Giving a harsh tug that does absolutely nothing to deter his messy make out with your cunt - if anything, your husband’s surging his face even deeper into his favorite heaven between your thighs.
Nose meshing against the very tip top of your presoaked slit, dragging in a wet glide with every languid roll of his tongue into your sloppy entrance. Jaw grinding deeper and deeper-
He’s simpering out such a fucked-out smile on your pussy, long pinkish tongue lolling out to smear open your swollen folds. And all you can do is watch and watch as he’s slurping up syrupy stripes, slender fingers dancing their way dangerously up, up, up-
“Ah!” Your entire body wracks with a sudden surge of electricity - coming from the slender digits currently bullying their way into your slippery entrance. Gushing a thumb over your clit- “Toru what did I tell you about-”
“Ah, the jujutsu?” Gojo leans his head deliriously against part of your inner thigh, leaving a wet trail of bites. Hips mindlessly grinding down pathetically onto the plush mattress. Fuck.
And he looked so pretty like this - gaze drooping so close-lidded that they were almost shut, blue eyes half-glowing, mouth all glossed over with a dripping wave of your sweet, sweet juices. With this, you’re gifted with another swat of his thumb over your sodden clit, slurring, “Can’t r-remember a thing–”
And then you’re cumming.
Toes curling, your hips jerking upwards into his ready hold, fisting painfully at Gojo’s hair. If it hurt then he didn’t show it. Anything but. Because he’s hiking his legs up into a seated position, your trembly thighs splayed out shamelessly on the muscles of his broad shoulders.
Dragging and dragging you through your high with drippingly wet sucks on your clit, those drawing squelches ring in your ears and make you gasp. It was so filthy.
But not as filthy as the way that Gojo’s head drops backwards with a wet whimper, his eyes firmly scrunched shut. “O-oh sweetheart I-” Bedroom lights flickering.
And then nothing more is said as he just rips down the rest of his overpriced trousers until they were nothing but tatters hanging haphazardly around his slender waist.
Jittery fingers immediately taking hold of his cock - his furiously cumming cock. From just eating out his girl.
So reddish and weepy at the very thick tip of his, streaming out thick ribbon after ribbon of his seed that coats his fist a glossy white. You could see the way his hefty balls clenched, how his girthy shaft was twitching ferally in his fingers.
He bares you with his drunken gaze, lightning bolting at the ends of his eyes. Kiss electric. Sucking on your tongue over and over - before shoving two of his dripping wet digits between your pretty lips.
“There we- hngh- go don’t give a fuck about November-” You flinch when he smacks! his cock along your overworked clit. Circling the very edge of your entrance with his fat, sobbing tip.
Coated such a creamy ring with his cum. His.
Prattling, “Th-this is what my girl s’pposed to hah- look like. My girl.” And as soon as he sinks in just the barest of his bulbous head - the lights go out, in all of Tokyo. Soon, in all of Japan. “Heheh, doesn’t c-count that I lost no nut November if I can’t hngh- see it, right?”
A/N. Hope y’all have a lovely lovely NNN *evil laughs*
Plagiarism not authorized.
#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#gojo x reader#geto x reader#sukuna x reader#nanami x reader#gojo smut#geto smut#sukuna smut#nanami smut#tonywrites#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#choso x reader#choso smut#toji x reader#toji smut#jjk x reader smut#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#gojo x reader smut#toji x reader smut#satoru gojo x reader#toji fushiguro smut#nanami x reader smut#choso x reader smut#geto x reader smut
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IHATEARTBLOCKUHUHUHHUHUHUHUHUHUH7
I hate autodesk sketchbook too but hey that’s what I have run bc I’m out of decent paper rn
#idv fanart#idv prospector#idv norton#idv#norton campbell#identity 5#i was gonna put a ship in this but imma stray far FAR away from that bc that shit is VOLATILE#i swear i'll post g/t soon i have artblock okay#art block#Artblock#Maybe one day I’ll make good and appealing digital artwork#I’m working on a fucking Norton doll but his LIMBS KEEP ROTATING#I make dolls for fun or smth#I’m really sad#if you dm me and ask about my interests I’d enjoy that but maybe don’t I’m freaky#He’s okay he just need clothes real bad.#Rn my Norton is wire#Oh wait he’s like also bald m#Lmao#I’m happy to talk about ships in private dms but on here? NAhhh#I’m better at traditional trust me#I go crazy with traditional#If you read this all good on you#Thanks bro
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I will read more books i promise though i cannot say if id talk as much as i do this.
#Many a media i will enjoy but not do all. This with#Im not sure if i can have more than one major one at a time but we shall see.#Floyd.txt#Im trying to get thru what i have...at the moment....#I do think the length of it fueled it a bit. A little. We spend so much time with this freak and see so much into his mind#And he intrigues and fascinates me so so much psychological stuff is so ohh ohhh ohh god#I could talk on everything that was so from the isolation and the the fucking whatever whatever#I have to wonder whats base level and what isnt i dont look around. Because i will see something stupid and talk about it too long.#Most of all hes so pathetic and sad and failguy and i see so much of my struggles in him i can't help but want to squeeze him tight like a#Teddy bearrrrr i wont overshare but man it was a little crazy to see some elements like WOAH okay. Cool. I understand him#Like no one fucking else. Thats a little unironic but i swear to god some stuff i could totally go oh yeah this is xyz and someone else wil#Just..ugh whatever IM SHUTTING UP NOW IM SHUTTING UP. THERES REASONS I WILL HAVE CERTAIN IDEAS ABOUT HIM IM JUST SAYING. BUDDY...#So many reasons it makes me mad when people see him as a cold heartless monster but ultimately did you fucking read the book at all im seri#THE PEOPLE WHO THOUGHT HE FELT NO GUILT OTL WHAT??? WHAT??? WHAT?????????#WHAT????
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It can't be only in my imagination, the universe is giving me obvious and numerous signs about a person. It shouldn't be considered delusional just because he's kinda famous or never heard of me in his conscious life. 😳 It must be real.... All those signs seem to lead somewhere...if i keep a positive energy magic might happen
#thoughts#my thoughts#text#I'm not crazy i swear 😭#is it fate?#is it manifestation?#is it something bigger than us#it must be something#and that something is not just in my head#it is#but there must be something outside of me too#those signs make me go crazy#could..he..be...my..s....s...soulmate?🥹#i sound crazy#but i know i am not#those fucking signs man...#they are so weird and strangely synchronized
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#lost how far i was into death is the only ending for the villainess manhwa#and im sure i read through like. waay further in novel form but obv its been long enough that the manga should be pretty caught up now#BUT OH MY GOD i picked a random chapter and iT WAS ECLISE(? girl whats the actual romanization for these names)#TELLING THE FEMALE LEAD TO LEAVE HIS COLLAR ON AND HE'L BEHAVE SO SHE WONT THROW HIM AWAY#GIRLLLLL 😭 i always felt so bad for him i think i liked all the male leads enough but he always. damn. he doesnt miss </3#44597#THE LATER CHAPTERS WHERE HE GETS CRAZIER(?) ARE WILD TOO BUT I FORGOT HOW CRAZY.. MF DO BE CRAZY THO 💀#also liked vinter.. forgot if he was any good in the end but hes v perceptive and a little manipulative but w good intentions#which sounds shitty but i swear it makes him interesting. forgot the other dudes tbh but i probably didnt like them 💀#loyal wolf guardian and clever bunny wizard.. my choices are funny im ngl#WAIT THERES THAT ONE GUY THAT LOVES PENELOPE THROUGH AND THROUGH.. THE ONE WHO SAVES HER FROM THE ISLAND RIGHT?#such a good guy i support that mf so hard ! but hes just not for me yk </3#the brothers suck tho 🤷♀️ iirc#ohh its kallisto. hes hot tho#actually him saying he dgaf abt the empire and would run it to the ground if penelope wanted it is pretty lit too. team kallisto tbh#OUgH CALLISTO IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IM NGL#WATCHING PENELOPES FOCUS ON JUSTRAISING LIKABILITY FOR SURVIVAL TURN INTO HER ACTUALLY FALLING FOR CALLISTO IS SO AAAAAAA#nvm seeing his favourability for her vs eclise's just broke my heart. i hate him sm#penelope slowly and unconsciously realizing shes formed a real connection w these ppl outside of treating this like a game im going to sob#buT STILL NOT KNOWING HOW TO MAKR THAT 99% INTO A 100%.. PLEASR THAT MAN CAN READ YOU LIKE A BOOK HE KNOWS YOURE LYINGGG 😭#ohhhhh then it all goes to shit and she doesnt trust anyone this is so pAINFUL STOP
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