#HE IS YOUR FAVORITE AND YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THE MATTER
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⟡ㅤㅤCOMPASSㅤ┈─ㅤ엔하이픈
ㅤㅤㅤㅤ ( 🎞 )ㅤㅤi might get lost without you
precis : you're their compass.
엔하이픈ㅤ୨୧ㅤenhypen x 𝒻em readerㅤ..ㅤest relationship, tooth-rotting fluffㅤ/ㅤidol au! for heeseung, 600-700 words per memberㅤㅤ( 4883 )
zehra's note.ㅤmight be in my thenbhd era
LEE HEESEUNG
the world was always loud around lee heeseung. the chaos of his daily life—practices, interviews, schedules—felt like a hurricane he could never quite escape. yet somehow, in the midst of it all, you were his constant.
heeseung always said you were like his north star.
“it’s cheesy,” he’d chuckle, running a hand through his hair as you sat across from him in your tiny favorite café. his face would light up in the way it always did when he teased you, dimples pressing deep into his cheeks. “but i mean it. without you, i’d just... drift.”
today was no different. you were seated together at a secluded corner table, the kind he requested specifically so no one would recognize him. a cup of steaming caramel latte sat untouched between his hands, growing colder by the second as he focused entirely on you. his gaze was warm, dark eyes soft as they traced your every move.
“you’re staring again, heeseung,” you teased, peering over the rim of your cup.
“can’t help it,” he admitted easily, leaning closer. his elbows rested on the table as his face inched toward yours, the faintest scent of his cologne lingering in the air. “you’re the only thing that makes sense these days.”
the weight of his words hung heavy between you, but not uncomfortably so. you knew what he meant, even if he wasn’t saying it outright. he didn’t need to. heeseung had always been the type to wear his heart on his sleeve. every stolen glance, every gentle touch, every unspoken smile—it all told you the same story.
he needed you.
and it wasn’t in the dramatic, overbearing way some might imagine. heeseung wasn’t looking for someone to fix him or carry his burdens. he just needed you to remind him that amidst the chaos, there was still something real. something steady. something that felt like home.
“i think you give me too much credit,” you murmured, setting your drink down and meeting his gaze head-on.
“not possible,” he countered without missing a beat. “you’re the reason i know which way to go, even when i feel lost. like that time—”
he paused, a sheepish grin tugging at his lips as he rubbed the back of his neck.
“what?” you prompted, leaning in slightly.
“remember the night before the showcase? when i was freaking out about forgetting the choreography?”
you nodded, vividly recalling the way he had paced back and forth in his living room, muttering steps under his breath until his voice cracked from exhaustion.
“you didn’t even flinch,” he continued, the fondness in his tone evident. “you just sat there, listening, and then dragged me out for ice cream at 2 a.m. like it was the most normal thing in the world.”
you laughed softly, the sound like music to his ears. “you needed to get out of your own head. that’s all.”
heeseung shook his head, his smile widening. “no, i needed you.”
it wasn’t the first time he’d said it, and you doubted it would be the last. but every time he did, it felt like a little thread tying you closer to him, weaving your lives together in a way that felt impossible to undo.
“you know,” he said after a moment, reaching across the table to brush his fingers against yours, “i don’t tell you enough how much i appreciate you.”
your breath hitched slightly at the tenderness in his voice. it was rare for heeseung to let his walls down completely, but when he did, it always felt like a privilege to witness.
“you don’t have to,” you replied, curling your fingers around his. “i already know.”
he smiled then, the kind of smile that made you feel like the most important person in the world.
in that moment, you realized that being his compass didn’t mean guiding him to a destination. it meant being the place he could return to, no matter how far he wandered. and as his fingers tightened around yours, you knew you’d be that for him—always.
PARK JONGSEONG
it was almost comical how park jay always seemed to know what he was doing. he was the kind of person who made the world look effortless, like he had it all figured out. from his perfectly timed jokes to the confident way he carried himself, people assumed he never faltered. but you knew better.
beneath the cool exterior, jay was just as lost as anyone else. maybe even more so.
he’d told you that once, late one autumn night as the two of you sat on the hood of his car. the air was crisp, tinged with the earthy smell of fallen leaves, and the sky stretched endlessly above you, scattered with stars. jay’s jacket was draped over your shoulders, warm and slightly oversized, while he leaned back, one leg propped up on the bumper and the other dangling lazily.
“i don’t know where i’m going half the time,” he admitted, his voice low and quiet, like the confession wasn’t meant to reach anyone but you.
you turned to him then, his profile illuminated by the faint glow of the streetlight. his expression was unreadable, but you saw the vulnerability in his eyes—the kind he rarely let anyone see.
“you always seem like you do,” you said softly.
he chuckled, the sound dry and humorless. “that’s the trick, isn’t it? make it look like you’ve got it all together so no one bothers asking questions.”
it was such a jay thing to say, and yet it broke your heart a little. because while everyone else saw the polished version of him, you saw the cracks. the uncertainty. the quiet ache of someone who was searching for something he couldn’t quite name.
“you don’t have to pretend with me, you know,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
he glanced at you then, his dark eyes locking onto yours like he was searching for something. and maybe he found it, because his shoulders relaxed just a little, and the corners of his mouth lifted in the faintest hint of a smile.
“that’s why i need you,” he said simply.
the words settled between you, heavy with meaning. you didn’t respond right away, unsure of how to articulate the warmth spreading through your chest. jay wasn’t the type to say things he didn’t mean, and you knew this was as close to a confession as he’d ever get.
“where are we going tonight?” you asked instead, breaking the silence.
he smiled then, a real one this time, and it was the kind of smile that made you feel like you were exactly where you were supposed to be.
“does it matter?” he asked, tilting his head to look at you.
you shook your head, a small laugh escaping your lips. “no, i guess it doesn’t.”
and it was true. being with jay always felt like enough, no matter where you ended up. whether it was on an aimless drive through the city, sprawled out on the living room floor listening to records, or sitting in comfortable silence as the world moved on around you—he made every moment feel significant.
maybe that’s why he called you his compass. not because you showed him where to go, but because you reminded him that the destination didn’t matter as long as he had you by his side.
“you know,” he said suddenly, breaking your train of thought, “i think you’re the only person who gets me.”
you turned to him, surprised by the sincerity in his tone. “that’s not true.”
“it is,” he insisted, his gaze unwavering. “no one else makes me feel... grounded. like i’m not just floating around, waiting for something to happen.”
there it was again—that honesty he reserved only for you. it was overwhelming at times, the way he opened up to you so completely, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
“i’m glad i can be that for you,” you said finally, your voice soft but steady.
he reached for your hand then, his fingers warm against yours despite the cool night air. his touch was gentle, almost hesitant, as if he was afraid you might pull away.
but you didn’t.
instead, you held on tighter, letting him know without words that you weren’t going anywhere.
because if jay was lost, you’d be his guide. and if he ever doubted where he belonged, you’d remind him.
you were his compass, after all. and he was your home.
SIM JAEYUN
jake was always moving. whether it was the way he gestured enthusiastically as he spoke or how he could never stay in one place for too long, there was a restless energy to him that you couldn’t help but admire. he was a whirlwind of spontaneity, someone who craved adventure and thrived on the unknown.
but even whirlwinds need somewhere to land.
jake often joked that you were his anchor.
“if i didn’t have you, i’d probably end up in the middle of nowhere without a clue how i got there,” he’d say, laughing as he tossed his arm around your shoulders. the way he looked at you, though, made you think there was more truth to it than he let on.
today was one of those rare moments when jake wasn’t moving. you sat together at the edge of a quiet lake, its surface rippling gently in the breeze. the sun hung low in the sky, casting a golden glow over the water and painting the world in warm, honeyed hues.
jake leaned back on his elbows, legs stretched out in front of him as he gazed at the horizon. his golden-brown hair glinted in the light, messy from the wind, and his lips curved into a soft smile as he turned to you.
“do you ever feel like you’re not sure where you’re going?” he asked suddenly, his voice quieter than usual.
you glanced at him, caught off guard by the question. jake was usually so sure of himself, so carefree. but in that moment, there was a vulnerability in his expression that made your heart ache.
“sometimes,” you admitted, pulling your knees to your chest. “but i think that’s normal.”
he nodded, his gaze drifting back to the water. “it’s just... sometimes it feels like no matter how far i go or how many places i see, i’m still looking for something i can’t find.”
there was a pause, the kind that wasn’t uncomfortable but filled with unspoken thoughts.
“and when you’re with me?” you asked softly.
jake’s head snapped toward you, his eyes widening slightly as if he hadn’t expected the question. but then his expression softened, and a small, almost shy smile tugged at his lips.
“when i’m with you,” he said, his voice steady, “it feels like i’ve already found it.”
your breath caught at the sincerity in his tone. jake had always been charming, always quick with a joke or a playful comment, but this was different. this was real.
“jake...”
he sat up then, leaning closer until his face was mere inches from yours. his dark eyes searched yours, warm and steady despite the uncertainty he’d just confessed.
“you’re the only thing that makes sense,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “even when everything else feels... chaotic.”
it wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that, but it was the first time it felt so raw, so open. jake wasn’t one to dwell on heavy emotions, but when it came to you, he never held back.
“maybe that’s because you’re always running,” you teased gently, trying to lighten the mood. “you don’t give yourself time to just be.”
jake chuckled, the sound soft and warm. “maybe. but if i stopped running, i wouldn’t have found you.”
the weight of his words settled over you, wrapping around your heart like a warm blanket. jake had a way of saying things that made you feel like the most important person in the world, like you were the reason the stars hung in the sky.
“besides,” he added, a playful glint returning to his eyes, “you’re the one who keeps me on track. my compass, remember?”
you rolled your eyes, but the smile tugging at your lips betrayed you. “you’re ridiculous.”
“ridiculously lucky,” he shot back, leaning in to nudge your shoulder with his.
you laughed, the sound echoing across the lake, and jake’s smile widened in response. in that moment, it didn’t matter where he was going or what he was searching for. all that mattered was that he was here, with you, and for once, the restlessness inside him had quieted.
because with you, jake didn’t feel lost. he felt found.
PARK SUNGHOON
sunghoon wasn’t someone who expressed himself easily. words didn’t come naturally to him, at least not the kind that bared his heart. but you’d always known how to read between the lines, to find meaning in the silences where others might see emptiness.
he said it once, offhandedly, that you were like his compass.
“i just... think better when you’re around,” he’d muttered, his voice quiet as his fingers fidgeted with the hem of his jacket. his cheeks had turned a faint pink as he avoided your eyes, but the admission lingered, warm and sweet.
now, standing at the edge of a frozen lake, you watched sunghoon skate effortlessly across the ice. he moved like the winter wind—graceful, sure, yet untouchable. the early evening light glinted off the smooth surface, painting his figure in soft shades of gold and blue.
you stood bundled in your coat and scarf, shivering slightly as you watched him circle back toward you. he stopped a few feet away, the blades of his skates slicing cleanly into the ice, sending a spray of frost into the air.
“cold?” he asked, his voice steady but tinged with concern.
“a little,” you admitted, smiling as you rubbed your gloved hands together. “but it’s worth it to see you like this. you’re amazing out there.”
his gaze flickered down, and for a moment, you thought you saw a hint of a smile on his lips. sunghoon wasn’t one for grand reactions, but you’d learned to notice the small ones—the way his shoulders relaxed when you complimented him, the way his eyes softened when he looked at you.
“come here,” he said, holding out his hand.
you hesitated, glancing at your boots. “i’m not exactly a skating prodigy like you, sunghoon. i’ll probably fall on my face.”
his lips twitched upward, the faintest ghost of a smile. “i won’t let you.”
something about the quiet confidence in his voice made you believe him. tentatively, you reached for his hand, and he pulled you gently onto the ice. his touch was firm but careful, as if he were afraid of hurting you.
“just relax,” he said, his other hand coming to rest lightly on your waist. “i’ve got you.”
and he did. as he guided you across the ice, his movements slow and deliberate, you felt the tension in your body melt away. the world around you faded, leaving only the quiet sound of skates gliding and the warmth of his hands steadying you.
“you make this look so easy,” you said, glancing up at him.
“it’s not as hard as it looks,” he replied, his tone calm. “you just have to trust yourself.”
you raised an eyebrow. “is that what you do?”
his lips curved slightly, a soft laugh escaping him. “sometimes.”
the honesty in his voice surprised you. sunghoon rarely admitted to uncertainty—it wasn’t his style. but in moments like this, when it was just the two of you, he let his guard down in a way that made your heart ache.
“hey,” you said gently, squeezing his hand. “you don’t have to have it all figured out, you know.”
he looked at you then, his dark eyes meeting yours. for a moment, it felt like the whole world had gone still.
“you make it easier,” he said softly.
the words were simple, but the weight behind them wasn’t lost on you. sunghoon wasn’t someone who spoke in grand declarations or flowery phrases, but when he said something, he meant it.
“you’re my compass,” he added after a pause, his voice quieter now. “even when i don’t know where i’m going, i know i’ll be okay as long as you’re with me.”
your chest tightened at the raw vulnerability in his words. this was the sunghoon only you got to see—the boy who felt deeply but struggled to express it, who showed his love in actions rather than words.
“i’m not going anywhere,” you said, your voice steady. “i promise.”
his lips twitched again, and this time the smile reached his eyes. it was small, almost shy, but it was real.
“good,” he said, his grip on your hand tightening ever so slightly.
together, you continued to glide across the ice, his hand never leaving yours. and in that moment, it didn’t matter where the world took him or how lost he might feel at times. because no matter what, you’d be there to guide him.
just as he always guided you.
KIM SUNOO
sunoo had a way of brightening every space he entered. it wasn’t just the brilliance of his smile or the warmth in his eyes—it was something deeper, something unexplainable. he carried an energy that made you feel like, no matter how lost you were, everything was going to be okay.
but even someone like sunoo had his shadows.
the two of you walked side by side along a winding path in the park, the world around you cloaked in a soft, rolling fog. the trees loomed like quiet sentinels, their skeletal branches weaving into the pale gray sky. your breath puffed out in faint clouds, mingling with the damp air, and the faint crunch of leaves beneath your boots was the only sound breaking the silence.
sunoo was quiet today.
it wasn’t like him. normally, he’d fill the space with chatter—little stories about his day, playful teasing, or random observations that made you laugh. but now, his hands were shoved into his pockets, his eyes fixed on the path ahead.
“sunoo?” you said softly, glancing at him.
he hummed in acknowledgment, but he didn’t meet your gaze.
“is everything okay?”
for a moment, he didn’t answer. the fog seemed to press in closer, the world shrinking around you. then he sighed, the sound soft and almost hesitant.
“do you ever feel like... like you’re not enough?” he asked, his voice so quiet you almost didn’t hear it.
the question hit you like a sudden gust of wind, unexpected and disorienting. sunoo—the boy who radiated confidence and joy—felt this way?
“sunoo,” you said gently, stopping in your tracks. he paused too, turning to face you with a tentative look in his eyes.
“you’re more than enough,” you said firmly.
he blinked, surprised by the conviction in your voice. “you don’t understand,” he murmured, looking away. “sometimes, it feels like no matter how hard i try, i’m always falling short. like... like i’m just faking it, and one day, everyone’s going to realize.”
his words trailed off, and you saw the vulnerability etched into his expression. it broke your heart to see him like this, so uncertain, so fragile.
“you’re not faking it,” you said, stepping closer. “you’re incredible, sunoo. you’re kind and thoughtful, and you make people feel seen and loved in a way no one else can.”
he opened his mouth to protest, but you cut him off.
“and even when you’re feeling like this—when you’re doubting yourself—you’re still enough. more than enough.”
sunoo stared at you, his eyes wide and shimmering with unshed tears. then, slowly, a small, almost hesitant smile broke across his face.
“you always know what to say,” he said softly.
you shook your head, returning his smile. “it’s not about knowing what to say. i just know you. and i know how special you are, even if you don’t see it right now.”
the fog around you seemed to lighten, the world growing a little brighter. sunoo’s smile grew, and this time, it reached his eyes, chasing away the lingering shadows.
“thank you,” he said quietly.
“you don’t have to thank me,” you replied, taking his hand in yours. “just... let me remind you whenever you forget, okay?”
he nodded, squeezing your hand gently. “okay.”
the two of you started walking again, the path ahead still shrouded in mist but somehow feeling less daunting. sunoo’s hand stayed in yours, his grip warm and steady.
you were his compass, even if he didn’t realize it. and just like he lit up the world for everyone else, you’d be the light that guided him through his darkest moments.
YANG JUNGWON
jungwon was a quiet storm. he wasn’t loud or overly expressive, but everything about him carried a subtle intensity—a calm, steady rhythm that grounded you when the world felt chaotic.
you often thought of him as the anchor that kept you steady. but if you asked him, he’d say the same about you.
it was a rare rainy afternoon, the kind where the sky was more silver than gray, and the soft patter of raindrops created a soothing melody against the windows. the two of you sat on the floor of his small living room, a blanket draped over your shoulders as you shared the space in easy silence. the warm glow of a single lamp painted everything in soft hues, turning the mundane into something quietly magical.
jungwon sat across from you, his legs crossed and his fingers absently toying with the edge of the blanket you shared. his dark hair was slightly mussed, and his sweater looked a size too big, the sleeves brushing his knuckles as he moved.
“what are you thinking about?” you asked, breaking the silence.
his gaze flickered up to meet yours, the corners of his lips curling into a faint smile. “you always ask me that.”
“because you always look like you’re lost in thought,” you teased, nudging him lightly with your foot.
he chuckled softly, the sound low and warm, like the first sip of hot tea on a cold day. “maybe i just like thinking when i’m with you.”
the casual sincerity of his words made your breath catch. that was the thing about jungwon—he didn’t need grand gestures or flowery words to make you feel special. he did it in the little things, the quiet moments.
“what about right now?” you pressed gently. “what are you thinking about right now?”
he hesitated, his gaze dropping to his hands. for a moment, you thought he might deflect, but then he surprised you.
“i was thinking about how... steady everything feels when you’re here,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “like, no matter what’s going on, i know i’ll be okay if i’m with you.”
your heart swelled at his confession, and you leaned forward, resting your chin on your knees as you watched him. “jungwon...”
he glanced up, his dark eyes meeting yours with a vulnerability that he rarely showed. “you’re my compass,” he continued, his voice steadier now. “you remind me where i’m supposed to be, even when i start to lose track of myself.”
the honesty in his words left you momentarily speechless. jungwon wasn’t the type to bare his emotions so openly, but when he did, it was with a quiet strength that left no room for doubt.
“you’re where you’re supposed to be,” you said softly, reaching out to take his hand in yours. “and you’re doing just fine, jungwon. more than fine.”
he exhaled a quiet laugh, his fingers tightening around yours. “i don’t always feel that way.”
“that’s okay,” you said, squeezing his hand gently. “you don’t have to have it all figured out. that’s what i’m here for, remember?”
his smile widened, and for a moment, the room felt warmer, brighter. jungwon had a way of making the simplest moments feel profound, as if the world slowed down just for the two of you.
“thank you,” he murmured, his thumb brushing over the back of your hand.
“for what?” you asked, tilting your head.
“for being you,” he said simply.
the rain continued to fall outside, its rhythm steady and soothing. and as you sat there, your hands entwined and the world quiet around you, you realized that jungwon wasn’t just your anchor—he was the steady rhythm you didn’t know you needed.
and you? you were his compass, guiding him gently back to himself every time he lost his way.
NISHIMURA RIKI
riki wasn’t one to say what he felt outright. his emotions weren’t something he wore on his sleeve, nor did he hand them out freely to the world. to most people, he was an enigma—a mix of sharp wit and quiet confidence, always keeping others at arm’s length.
but not with you.
you had a way of getting past his defenses, slipping through the cracks in his armor like sunlight breaking through storm clouds. you didn’t push or pry; you simply stayed, steady and unwavering, until he let you in.
tonight, the two of you found yourselves at the edge of the city, sitting on the hood of his car with the skyline sprawled out below. the faint hum of distant traffic filled the cool night air, and the stars above blinked faintly against the darkness.
riki leaned back on his elbows, his long legs stretched out before him. his dark hair fell loosely over his forehead, and the soft glow of the city lights painted his sharp features in shades of silver and gold. he was quiet tonight, his usual playful banter replaced by a contemplative stillness.
“you’ve been quiet,” you remarked, glancing over at him.
he smirked faintly, tilting his head to look at you. “you say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“it’s not,” you replied, your lips curving into a small smile. “just unusual.”
he let out a soft chuckle, shaking his head. “guess i’ve got a lot on my mind.”
you waited, giving him the space to continue if he wanted to. with riki, patience was key. he wasn’t someone who spilled his thoughts easily, but when he did, it was worth every second of the wait.
“i’ve been thinking about us,” he said finally, his voice low and steady.
the admission caught you off guard, and your heart skipped a beat. “oh?” you said softly, your gaze locking onto his.
he sat up then, his elbows resting on his knees as he stared out at the skyline. “i’ve always been good at figuring things out—what i want, where i’m going. but with you...” he trailed off, his brows furrowing slightly as he searched for the right words.
“with me?” you prompted gently.
“with you, it’s different,” he said, turning to meet your eyes. “you make me feel... anchored. like no matter where i’m going, it doesn’t matter as long as you’re there.”
the vulnerability in his voice sent a wave of warmth through you. riki wasn’t someone who opened up easily, and hearing him say those words felt like he was handing you a piece of his heart.
“you know,” you began, a soft smile tugging at your lips, “you’re not as hard to figure out as you think.”
he raised an eyebrow, a faint smirk playing on his lips. “oh, really?”
“really,” you said, leaning slightly closer. “you act all cool and aloof, but deep down, you care more than you let on. you just don’t like showing it.”
his smirk widened, but there was a flicker of something softer in his eyes. “you think you’ve got me all figured out, huh?”
“pretty much,” you teased, your smile growing.
he shook his head, but the amusement in his expression was unmistakable. “you’re something else, you know that?”
“i’ll take that as a compliment,” you quipped, your tone light.
“it is,” he said quietly, his voice taking on a more serious note. “you make me... better. i don’t know how else to say it, but you do. you’re like my compass or something. you remind me where i’m supposed to be, even when i lose sight of it myself.”
the sincerity in his words made your chest tighten. for all his teasing and confidence, riki had a depth to him that he didn’t show to just anyone. but here, under the vast expanse of the night sky, he was letting you see it.
“you’re not as lost as you think you are,” you said softly, your gaze steady. “but i’ll always be here, just in case you need reminding.”
for a moment, he didn’t say anything. then, he reached out, his fingers brushing against yours before entwining them together. his grip was firm, steady, but there was a gentleness to it that made your heart flutter.
“good,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “because i don’t think i ever want to figure things out without you.”
the city lights continued to shimmer in the distance, the hum of the world fading into the background. and as the two of you sat there, hand in hand, it was clear that neither of you needed a map or a plan.
because wherever you went, you’d always be his true north.
#엔하이픈 ✧ enhypen#ㅤ𝒜𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑙 ✦ 𝒲𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 🪽 。#enhypen#enhypen x reader#enhypen fluff#enhypen imagines#enhypen soft hours#enhypen soft thoughts#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fic#enhypen comfort#enhypen drabbles#enha#enha x reader#enha fluff#lee heeseung#park jongseong#sim jaeyun#park sunghoon#kim sunoo#yang jungwon#nishimura riki#heeseung x reader#jay x reader#jake x reader#sunghoon x reader#sunoo x reader#jungwon x reader#riki x reader#enhypen x you
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Say Don't Go
Summary: You are given the opportunity of a lifetime, Spencer urges you to take it. Even if it means leaving him behind.
Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader
Category: fluff, angst
Warnings/Includes: time jumps, typical BAU crime, mentions of drugging/kidnapping/robbery, brief alcohol consumption by reader and friends, clubs, break up(?), talks of marriage, forced choices/decisions, happy ending !
Word count: 15k
a/n: so what if this pulls inspiration from the train scene in glee... SO WHAT ... and so what if i named a character after kurt
main masterlist
December 2008 – Present
"You’ve been with so many women you don’t remember their names?" Spencer asked, laughing at Derek.
"Are you surprised?" Emily snorted, raising an eyebrow.
"This has never happened to me before," Derek defended, sounding genuinely incredulous.
"It’s never happened to me before either," Spencer chimed in, grinning as he started toward the conference room.
"It can’t happen to you—you have an eidetic memory," Emily teased, her smirk unmistakable.
"Plus, you only have one name to remember," Derek added with a mischievous glint in his eye.
"Ha ha," Spencer replied, forcing a laugh, though the words cut deeper than he let on. Derek wasn’t wrong.
He only had one name to remember. One that mattered above all the others.
But Spencer had messed it up. He had let you get on that train. He had let you walk away.
Spencer's regrets weren't always loud or obvious; they often whispered to him in the quiet moments of his everyday life, weaving their way into his thoughts like unwelcome visitors he couldn’t shake.
It was in the mornings, when he brewed a pot of coffee in his lonely apartment, and his hand hovered over the second mug he used to pour for you. He’d catch himself mid-motion, the pang of realization that you weren’t there cutting through him like a knife. He’d take his coffee black, staring at the empty chair across from him, and wonder if you were having your morning cup too—if you still took it with two sugars and a splash of cream.
At work, it was the little things that brought you to mind. A joke Derek would make, or the way Emily tilted her head while teasing him, reminded Spencer of how you used to laugh with him, soft and genuine. He could still hear your voice in the back of his mind, offering your take on a case or pointing out something he’d missed. Those moments were the hardest—because they reminded him of how much better everything had been when you were there to share it with him.
And then there were the books. Spencer couldn’t walk into his favorite bookstore without being overwhelmed by the memory of browsing the aisles with you, debating over which novel to pick for your next "couples read." Now, those shelves felt empty, even when they were fully stocked. He’d run his fingers over the spines, pausing at titles he knew you would’ve loved, but he never brought himself to buy them. What was the point if you weren’t there to read them with him?
Evenings were the worst. After a long day at the BAU, when he returned to his dim apartment, the silence was deafening. He’d sit at his desk, pulling out old case files to distract himself, but his eyes would always drift to the small keepsake box he kept on the shelf. Inside were the remnants of your time together—a movie ticket stub, a pressed flower from a date, a Polaroid of you laughing at something he’d said. He’d told himself he’d put it away to move on, but instead, it became a shrine to his mistakes, one he visited more often than he’d like to admit.
And then there were the nights when the ache became unbearable, when he’d lie awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, haunted by the image of you boarding that train. He could still hear the sound of the wheels on the tracks, still see the tear-streaked expression on your face when you looked at him through the window. Those nights, he’d wonder what he’d say to you if he had another chance—what he’d do differently if he could go back.
The regret wasn’t just a feeling; it was a constant presence in his life. It was the realization that, in trying to give you what he thought you needed, he’d taken away the one thing he needed most: you.
—
June 2008
“Spencer?” you asked cautiously, looking over at your boyfriend as his car came to a stop in front of the train station.
You could see him take a deep, trembling breath, the shakiness audible even as he tried to steady himself.
When he turned to face you, his eyes were already brimming with tears, spilling over before he could even speak.
“You said we were going to dinner,” you reminded him, your throat tightening as dread began to settle in your chest. You were trying desperately to ignore the sinking feeling you couldn’t shake, clinging to the hope that you were wrong.
Spencer cleared his throat, but it didn’t stop his voice from breaking as he said, “No.” He shook his head, and the weight of his next words seemed to crush him as he continued, “You’re going to New York.”
“What?” Your voice shot up as you stared at him in disbelief, as if he had grown another head. “What do you mean? I turned Aubrey down.”
“I know,” Spencer sighed, his gaze dropping to his hands on the steering wheel as if he couldn’t bear to look at you. “I can’t let you throw your dreams away for me.”
“My dreams?” you repeated, your voice rising in anger and heartbreak. “Spencer, you are my dream. I love you!”
“I love you too,” he choked out through his tears, his voice cracking under the weight of his emotions. “That’s why I’m letting you go.”
“But—” you tried, your hands reaching for his as if grounding him could change his mind.
“No, Y/N.” His voice was firmer now, though the pain in it was unmistakable. “I—I called Aubrey. She still wants you. I told her you accepted the position. That you’re coming.”
“Why?” you cried, the single word breaking into a sob. Tears spilled down your cheeks as you searched his face, desperate for an answer that would make this make sense.
Spencer’s lips quivered, and he looked away, unable to face the devastation in your eyes. "Because you deserve to have everything you’ve ever wanted," he whispered, his voice barely audible over the lump in his throat.
"But I already have everything I want!" you shouted, your hands gripping the sides of his face, forcing him to look at you. "You’re all I need, Spencer. You’re it for me!"
He let out a shuddering breath, his tears falling freely now as his hands reached up to cover yours. For a moment, you thought he might give in, that he might change his mind. But then he shook his head again, his expression resolute despite the anguish etched into every line of his face.
"You’ll resent me one day," he said, his voice cracking. "You’ll look back and wonder what you could’ve done, what you could’ve been if you hadn’t stayed for me. I can’t live with that. I can’t live knowing I held you back."
"That’s not fair!" you cried, your voice breaking under the weight of your sobs. "You don’t get to decide what’s best for me! I chose you, Spencer. I chose us!"
"I know," he whispered, his hands tightening over yours as if trying to memorize the feeling. "And that’s why I have to do this. Because I love you too much to let you give up your future for me."
"My future is with you!" you insisted, but he was already pulling your hands away from his face, gently but firmly.
"I called Aubrey," he repeated, his voice hollow. "She’ll be waiting for you at the station in New York. Your ticket is already bought. Your bags… they’re in the trunk."
You froze, staring at him in disbelief. "You… you packed my things?"
Spencer nodded, his expression breaking entirely under the weight of your hurt. "I knew you wouldn’t leave if I didn’t."
"You had no right!" you shouted, shoving at his chest. "No right, Spencer!"
He took it, letting you pound against him until your strength gave out, until your sobs consumed you, leaving you trembling and broken in his arms. "I’m sorry," he murmured over and over, pressing his lips to your hair. "I’m so sorry."
But he wasn’t sorry enough to stop you from going.
As the train whistle sounded in the distance, Spencer gently pulled away, his hands lingering on your shoulders. "You have to go," he said softly, his voice thick with tears. "The train won’t wait."
"I hate you," you whispered, the words cutting him deeper than anything else ever could.
"I know," he said, his voice barely audible as he let his hands drop to his lap. "But one day… I hope you’ll understand."
He opened the car door for you, but you didn’t move. You just sat there, staring at him with tears streaming down your face, your chest heaving with the weight of everything unsaid.
Finally, you whispered, "Goodbye, Spencer," your voice trembling as you stepped out of the car.
He didn’t respond, didn’t say anything as he watched you walk away, each step feeling like a dagger to his heart.
And when the train finally began to pull out of the station, Spencer felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach. The reality of what he’d done crashed into him like a freight train. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.
Before he even realized what he was doing, his legs were moving, carrying him toward the train. "No," he whispered to himself, his voice shaky and panicked. "What have I done?"
His feet pounded against the pavement as he ran alongside the train, desperate, tears streaming down his face. He called your name, his voice breaking, though he wasn’t sure if you could even hear him through the thick glass and the noise of the train.
Inside the train car, you were curled into the seat, staring blankly out the window, your face streaked with tears. You weren’t expecting to see him. But then, there he was—running alongside the train, his expression frantic, his lips forming words you couldn’t quite hear.
Your heart shattered all over again. The sight of him, so desperate, so raw, made it even harder to leave. Your hand instinctively pressed against the cold glass, a futile attempt to reach for him.
Spencer’s legs burned, his lungs screamed for air, but he kept running, the distance between him and the train growing with every passing second. His vision blurred from the tears, but he didn’t stop. He couldn’t.
But you… you couldn’t bear to watch. Your tears fell harder as you pulled your hand away from the window and turned your head, unable to keep looking at him. You had to look away, even though it felt like it was tearing you apart from the inside.
Spencer stumbled, slowing as the train picked up speed, his legs finally giving out beneath him. He collapsed onto the pavement, gasping for air, watching helplessly as the train—and you—disappeared into the horizon.
He buried his face in his hands, his body shaking with sobs. "What have I done?" he whispered to no one, the words echoing into the empty night.
You were gone. And Spencer knew, deep down, that he’d just made the worst mistake of his life.
—
September 2008
You loved your new life. How could you not? You had everything you had once dreamed of—your new position as second in command to the CEO of your favorite designer brand was everything you’d worked so hard for. The thrill of overseeing campaigns, approving designs, and brushing shoulders with some of the biggest names in the industry was exhilarating.
You’d settled into your new routine as well as anyone could when starting fresh in a bustling city like New York. Moving in with Aubrey Wilkes, the CEO herself, was daunting at first, but she made it easier. Her mentorship was invaluable, and her sharp wit and genuine kindness turned her into a friend as much as a boss.
Your days were filled with meetings in glass-walled boardrooms, late nights spent poring over designs and strategies, and the occasional glamorous event that kept your calendar full. You had the life you always said you wanted.
And yet...
Every single day, Spencer found his way into your thoughts.
It wasn’t always obvious at first. Maybe it was a book you saw in a shop window that reminded you of one of his recommendations, or a classical piece playing softly in a café that you knew he loved. Sometimes it was the sound of someone’s laugh that carried the same rhythm as his, or the sight of a man at the train station holding a bouquet of daisies like the ones he used to bring you.
Other times, it was the silence that brought him back. At the end of a long day, when you’d kick off your heels and collapse onto your couch, you’d find yourself wishing you could tell him about your wins and your struggles. You’d wonder how he’d react to the stories you had to tell, imagining his soft smile or the way his hands would flutter nervously when he was excited for you.
There were nights when it hit harder—when the city lights felt too bright and the penthouse apartment too cold. On those nights, you’d curl up in bed and stare out at the skyline, wondering if Spencer ever thought about you, too. If he regretted what he’d done. If he missed you as much as you missed him.
Because no matter how perfect your new life seemed on paper, a part of you still felt like it was missing. And that part had a name. Spencer Reid.
—
February 2007
It was a crisp evening as the warm glow of the restaurant's candles reflected off the polished surfaces, casting a cozy light over the two of you. Spencer had chosen this place because it was where you first met, a sentimental touch to the holiday of love that made your heart swell. The quiet buzz of conversation and the clinking of glasses provided a soothing backdrop as you both enjoyed your meal, the comfort of each other's presence making the night feel perfect.
You were mid-laugh at something Spencer had said when a woman approached your table, her eyes wide with admiration. "I’m so sorry to bother you," she began, her voice apologetic but earnest. "But that is the most fabulous dress I have ever seen. Can I ask where you got it?"
Caught off guard, you felt heat rush to your cheeks as you glanced down at the material that clung to your body in all the right places. You smoothed your hand over the fabric, feeling both flattered and shy under the woman’s praise.
Spencer, noticing your blush, smirked proudly from across the table. His hand reached out instinctively, wrapping around yours and giving it a gentle squeeze. The warmth of his touch grounded you, reminding you that he was there, always your biggest supporter.
"I–um," you stammered, your voice soft as you tried to find the words. "I made it."
The woman’s face lit up with genuine astonishment. "You made it?" she repeated, her tone filled with awe. "That’s incredible. You have such talent."
Spencer’s smirk deepened into a full-blown grin as he interjected, his voice laced with pride. "She’s amazing, isn’t she? I keep telling her she could make a career out of this, but she’s too modest to listen."
"Spencer," you mumbled, playfully rolling your eyes at him as your blush deepened.
The woman smiled warmly at the exchange, clearly charmed by the both of you. "Well, if you ever decide to give your talents to the world, give me a call." With a quick admiring glance at your dress one last time, she handed you a business card before turning to rejoin her party, leaving you and Spencer alone once again.
You stared at the card in your hand, the golden lettering catching the soft glow of the restaurant’s lights. Your heart nearly stopped as you read the name printed at the top—Aubrey Wilkes.
Your favorite designer.
The logo you’d admired countless times on magazine covers and in shop windows felt surreal in your grasp. For a moment, you couldn’t breathe, the weight of the opportunity this might represent sinking in.
Spencer noticed the stunned look on your face and tilted his head, his curiosity piqued. "What’s wrong?" he asked, his tone soft yet concerned.
You slowly turned the card toward him, your hand trembling slightly. "It’s… her," you whispered, your voice barely audible.
Spencer leaned closer, his eyes scanning the card before widening in recognition. His lips curled into a delighted smile, the kind that lit up his whole face. "Aubrey Wilkes?" he exclaimed, excitement evident in his tone. "Y/N, do you know what this means?"
"I…" you began, but words failed you. It felt too big, too unexpected to process.
"It means you’re amazing," Spencer continued, his voice steady as he reached across the table to take your free hand. "And now someone else sees it too."
You looked back at Spencer, who was still holding your hand, his thumb now tracing gentle circles over your knuckles. "I told you people would notice," he said, his voice soft but insistent. "You’re incredible, and you should let the world see it."
Your eyes softened as you gazed at him, a small, grateful smile tugging at your lips. "Thank you, Spencer," you whispered.
"Always," he replied, his expression filled with a quiet devotion that made your heart flutter.
The moment lingered between you, the restaurant and its patrons fading into the background as the two of you shared a look that said more than words ever could.
—
April 2007
"Spencer, I’m not going," you sighed, the weight of the conversation pressing heavily on your chest as you leaned back in your chair. His persistence, while well-meaning, was starting to wear on you.
"Y/N," he began, his tone both patient and pleading, "this isn’t just some casual opportunity. This is Aubrey Wilkes. She gave you her card. She wants to see what you can do. Do you even know how rare that is?"
You folded your arms across your chest, avoiding his gaze. "I know exactly how rare it is, Spencer. But it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to New York."
Spencer leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands clasped tightly as if physically holding himself back from pressing harder. "Why not?" he asked softly, his voice tinged with frustration but also genuine concern. "Is it fear? Because I know you, Y/N. You can do this. You’re more than talented enough."
"It’s not fear," you shot back, though your voice faltered just enough for him to notice. You stared at the floor, your fingers gripping the edge of your chair. "It’s… it’s everything else. I have a life here. I have a job. I have you."
Spencer’s heart clenched at your words. He reached out, his hand brushing against yours. "I know, and I love our life together," he said earnestly. "But I don’t want you to look back in ten years and wonder ‘what if.’ I don’t want you to resent me for holding you back from something you were meant to do."
You flinched at his words, your head snapping up to meet his eyes. "You think I’d ever resent you? Spencer, you’re the best thing in my life. You’re the one who’s always supported me, encouraged me to believe in myself when no one else did."
"And I’m still doing that," he countered gently. "That’s why I’m pushing this. I can’t stand the thought of you letting this slip away because you’re scared to leave me behind."
"It’s not just that," you admitted, your voice breaking as tears pricked your eyes. "I don’t want to lose us. What if I go, and everything falls apart?"
Spencer reached for your hands, cradling them between his. His thumbs traced soothing circles over your knuckles as he looked at you with all the tenderness in the world. "You won’t lose me, Y/N," he promised, his voice steady but thick with emotion. "I’ll be here, cheering you on, no matter where you are. I’d rather see you chasing your dreams, even if it’s from a distance, than staying here and giving up on them for me."
Your tears spilled over, and you shook your head, torn between love for him and the fear of what leaving might mean. "I just don’t know, Spencer," you whispered, your voice cracking under the weight of your emotions.
"I do," he said softly, leaning forward to rest his forehead against yours. "I know how much you’re capable of, and I know you’ll regret it if you don’t at least try. And I love you too much to let that happen."
His words hung heavy in the air, the weight of them settling between you like an immovable wall. You shook your head, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill again. “I’m just—I’m not going. Leave it alone,” you said firmly, your voice quieter than you intended but laced with finality.
Spencer hesitated, his hand still outstretched as if reaching for you might close the growing distance between you. “Y/N,” he murmured softly, his tone a mix of frustration and desperation.
“Can we be done with this, please?” you interrupted, your voice trembling but resolute. You didn’t want to cry again, didn’t want to feel like you were fighting with the one person who always understood you.
Spencer stared at you for a long moment, his brow furrowed, his lips parting as if he wanted to argue further. But then he closed his mouth, his shoulders slumping as he dropped his hand. “Okay,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.
The word hung between you, filled with unspoken emotions—disappointment, worry, and love all tangled together. Spencer looked down at the table, fiddling with his napkin as if it held answers he couldn’t find in your eyes.
You turned your gaze away, your chest tightening as silence settled over the room. It wasn’t the kind of silence that came with comfort—it was heavy, suffocating, filled with everything neither of you was saying.
And though you had put an end to the conversation, it didn’t feel like a victory. It felt like a crack in something you weren’t sure how to fix.
—
August 2007
"Who was that?" Spencer asked as you walked back inside from the patio, his brow furrowed slightly with curiosity. He had noticed the look on your face as you ended the call—something between apprehension and surprise.
You glanced down at your phone, the screen still lit with the call log. "Aubrey," you said hesitantly, tucking the device into your pocket.
Spencer tilted his head, his interest piqued. "Aubrey Wilkes?"
"Yeah," you admitted, your tone cautious as you avoided his gaze. "She… uh, she got my number. I don’t know how, but she did." You let out a nervous laugh, brushing a stray piece of hair behind your ear.
Spencer’s expression shifted to one of intrigue and concern. "And?" he prompted, sensing there was more to the story.
You took a deep breath, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. "She asked me to consider coming. Said there’s a spot opening next year—her number two is supposed to leave for another job in Milan."
Spencer’s lips parted slightly, his eyes searching your face as he processed the news. "That’s… huge," he said slowly, his voice laced with both excitement and hesitation.
"I know," you said, crossing your arms over your chest. "It’s… it’s everything I dreamed about. She said she’d hold the spot for me if I wanted it."
Spencer stepped closer, his gaze softening as he tried to read the emotions flickering across your face. "What did you say?"
"I didn’t say anything," you admitted, looking up at him with wide, uncertain eyes. "I told her I needed time to think about it."
He nodded, his hands slipping into his pockets as he took a moment to respond. "And… are you thinking about it?"
You hesitated, your eyes dropping to the floor. "I don’t know," you said quietly. "I told you I wasn’t going. But now… it’s like she’s dangling everything I’ve ever wanted right in front of me, and I don’t know if I can ignore it anymore."
Spencer’s heart ached at your words, but he forced a gentle smile as he said, “You shouldn’t ignore it.”
You sighed heavily, the weight of the decision pressing down on you like a storm cloud. "It’s just too much to think about right now," you murmured, walking over to where he sat. Without hesitation, you nestled into his side, your head resting on his shoulder as his arm wrapped protectively around you. The warmth of his embrace was like a balm, soothing the whirlwind of thoughts in your mind.
"Will you read to me?" you asked softly, your voice tinged with exhaustion.
“Of course, my love,” he replied without hesitation, his tone tender. He reached for the book he had been reading earlier, adjusting slightly so you could be more comfortable.
As his calm, steady voice filled the room, weaving through the story’s narrative, you felt your nerves begin to settle. The cadence of his words acted like a lullaby, each one wrapping around you like a warm blanket. Spencer kept reading, even when he noticed your body growing heavier against his, your breathing slowing to a steady rhythm as you drifted off to sleep.
He paused mid-sentence, tilting his head slightly to glance down at you. You were wearing a sweater you had designed and crafted yourself, the intricate stitching a testament to your talent and creativity. In your peaceful state, with your lips slightly parted and your lashes resting against your cheeks, you looked serene.
Spencer’s chest tightened as he watched you, a flood of emotions washing over him. He felt an overwhelming admiration for you—for your strength, your brilliance, your passion. But beneath that admiration was a deep-seated fear.
He didn’t want you to give up this massive opportunity, the one you had dreamed of for so long, the one that could change your life. And yet, he couldn’t shake the gnawing guilt that maybe he was the reason you were hesitating.
The thought that he might be holding you back, even unintentionally, was almost unbearable. He wanted to be the one who supported you, who cheered you on, who encouraged you to take risks and chase your dreams. But as he held you in his arms, he wondered if his love for you was making it harder for you to leave.
Spencer pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there as he whispered into the quiet room, “I just want you to be happy.”
He knew that when the time came, he would have to push you, no matter how much it hurt. Because loving you meant wanting the best for you—even if it meant letting you go.
—
March 2008
You and Spencer were strolling through the mall, casually browsing the stores as you searched for the perfect gift for your grandmother’s upcoming birthday. The two of you laughed together as you passed by store windows, debating what she might like—a scarf, a brooch, maybe a fancy tea set.
But then your steps slowed, your attention caught by something glinting behind a clear glass case. It was almost subconscious, your feet carrying you toward it before you even realized what had drawn you in.
"Rings?" Spencer asked, his voice soft and amused as he came to stand beside you. His eyes flicked to the sparkling display before landing on your face, a tender smile curling on his lips.
"Do you ever think about getting married?" you asked suddenly, your gaze still fixed on the rings, their polished surfaces reflecting the light.
The question caught Spencer off guard. He blinked, his smile faltering for just a second before it returned, gentler this time. "Of course," he said softly, the vulnerability in his tone unmistakable. "Do… do you?"
You finally tore your eyes away from the display, turning to face him with a grin. Your heart swelled at the look on his face—so earnest, so full of quiet hope.
"Yes," you admitted, your smile widening as you decided to tease him just a little. "Preferably to a tall, nerdy doctor. But, you know, beggars can’t be choosers."
Spencer’s cheeks flushed, his lips pulling into a bashful smile as he looked down at you. "I think you might be in luck," he said, his voice laced with warmth and a hint of playful humor.
"Oh?" you asked, tilting your head and feigning surprise.
"Yeah," he murmured, his eyes glimmering with affection. "I hear there’s one who’s absolutely crazy about you."
Your laughter bubbled up, filling the air between you as you leaned into his side. He wrapped an arm around you instinctively, pulling you closer as you both stood there, the sparkling rings forgotten as you focused entirely on each other.
In that moment, with his arm around you and the warmth of his love so evident, you couldn’t help but imagine a future where one of those rings might be yours—and that future felt a lot closer than you’d ever thought possible.
—
May 2008
“Aubrey,” you sighed into the phone, keeping your voice low as you closed the bedroom door behind you. Spencer had finally fallen asleep after hours of tossing and turning, his fever making rest nearly impossible. The last thing you wanted was to wake him now. “I told you I can’t.”
Unbeknownst to you, the sound of the door clicking shut had stirred Spencer. His eyes fluttered open, confusion washing over him as he realized you weren’t lying beside him anymore. He sat up slightly, his head still heavy with fatigue, and strained to hear your voice coming from somewhere outside the room.
He didn’t mean to eavesdrop. At least, that’s what he told himself. But the moment he heard Aubrey’s name fall from your lips, his chest tightened, and his focus sharpened.
“No… no… it’s not that…” Your voice wavered, and Spencer could picture you chewing your thumb nervously—something you always did when you were stressed. “I can’t leave. My whole life is in Virginia… well, no… he told me to go… yes, I know—”
Spencer’s breath hitched, his heart clenching at your words.
“I love him, I love my life with him,” you continued, and Spencer felt his chest ache in equal parts relief and guilt. “Obviously… I’m sure it would work, but—” You sighed deeply, the sound heavy with frustration and longing. “My answer is still no. I’m sorry.”
Spencer’s mind raced as he processed what he’d just heard. He could feel the weight of your words pressing against his chest, a reminder of the sacrifice you were making. He knew he was the reason you were staying. You were giving up your dream for him, and as much as he loved you for it, he couldn’t let it happen.
Hearing your footsteps approaching, Spencer quickly laid back down, shutting his eyes tight like a child pretending to sleep past their bedtime. He tried to even out his breathing, though his heart raced beneath the covers.
You slipped back into the bedroom quietly, the dim light from the hallway casting a soft glow as you moved toward the bed. Sliding under the covers, you nestled into his side, resting your head on his chest. Your lips pressed a tender kiss over his heart, and you whispered, “I love you so much, Spencer Reid.”
Spencer’s chest swelled at your words, his arms instinctively wrapping around you as he fought back the wave of emotions threatening to overcome him.
As your breathing steadied and you drifted off to sleep, Spencer lay awake, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t shake the echo of your words—“I love him… he told me to go.”
By the time sleep finally claimed him, his mind was filled with plans. He had to get you to New York. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how much it scared him, he had to make sure you followed your dreams—even if it meant losing you in the process.
—
December 2008 – Present
"Reid, are you paying attention?" Hotch’s firm yet concerned tone cut through the fog in Spencer’s mind, snapping him out of his reverie.
Spencer’s head jerked up, his eyes meeting Hotch’s piercing gaze. "Yes, sir," he replied quickly, his voice steady though his heart wasn’t.
"Good. Let’s keep it that way," Hotch grumbled, clearly not in the mood for distractions.
The team was seated around the conference table in the BAU’s jet, discussing the details of their latest case. They were headed to New York, where several women had been drugged and abducted from exclusive nightclubs in the Upper East Side. The unsub’s profile was slowly taking shape, but for Spencer, focusing on the details was harder than usual.
Even hearing the name New York was like a dagger twisting in his side. It brought with it a flood of memories he had tried and failed to suppress—memories of you.
He could picture the night you had finally told Aubrey no, the way your voice trembled with conviction when you said you were staying in Virginia. And yet, here he was, sitting on a jet bound for the very city where you were supposed to be building your dream.
Spencer clenched his jaw, trying to push the thoughts away. This is my job. Focus on the case. He repeated the mantra in his mind, forcing himself to look at the crime scene photos spread across the table.
But as the jet began its descent into the city, he couldn’t stop his gaze from drifting to the window. The glittering skyline of New York City came into view, and his chest tightened. He wondered, not for the first time, what your life might have looked like now. Would you be walking those streets right now, thriving in a world that had always been meant for you?
"Reid, thoughts?" JJ’s voice broke through his spiral, and Spencer quickly blinked, realizing the team was looking at him expectantly.
"Uh…" He cleared his throat, sitting up straighter. "The unsub likely uses a combination of charm and familiarity to gain the victims’ trust. Based on the timeline, he’s calculated and methodical, which suggests he’s not working impulsively. He might be using the same clubs regularly to scope out his targets."
JJ nodded, taking notes as Morgan chimed in with his own observations. Hotch seemed satisfied that Spencer was back on track, but Spencer could still feel the weight of his thoughts pressing down on him.
As the jet landed and the team prepared to disembark, Spencer grabbed his bag and fell into step behind the others. He reminded himself that the job came first, that the women out there needed them to be focused and sharp.
But as they exited the airport and the cold New York air hit his face, Spencer couldn’t help but feel the ghost of what could have been following close behind.
As the team settled into the precinct, the familiar buzz of activity filled the air—phones ringing, officers shuffling papers, and the hum of conversation about the case. Spencer sat at a desk, his eyes scanning over a map as he worked on the geographical profile. On the surface, he looked focused, but internally, he was at war with himself.
No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get you out of his head. The sharp lines on the map blurred as his thoughts drifted.
Which building do you live in? The question looped through his mind like a broken record. He knew you had moved to the Upper East Side with Aubrey when you first came to New York. But that had been months ago—almost a year, actually. Maybe you didn’t live with her anymore. Maybe you had your own place now.
And then, more troubling thoughts crept in. Are you being safe? His chest tightened at the idea of you walking these streets, the same streets where women were being drugged and taken.
Spencer’s eyes darted back to the photos of the nightclubs spread across the desk. He knew it was unlikely you frequented places like these. You’d never been one for the nightlife, always shying away from loud music and crowded spaces. He remembered how you used to fidget at gatherings, instinctively seeking out quieter corners where you could breathe.
But the thought of you even being near these places, of someone seeing you, targeting you—it made his stomach churn.
God, I hope you’re safe, Spencer thought, clenching his jaw as he tried to shake the image of you from his mind.
“Reid, you okay?” Morgan’s voice broke through his spiraling thoughts, pulling him back to the present.
Spencer blinked, his hands tightening around the edges of the map. “Yeah,” he said quickly, his voice a little too sharp. He cleared his throat, forcing himself to sound calmer. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just trying to piece together the unsub’s movements.”
Morgan studied him for a moment, clearly unconvinced but deciding to let it slide. “Alright, well, let me know if you need a second pair of eyes.”
Spencer nodded, returning his gaze to the map. But even as he tried to refocus, his mind kept drifting back to you. He hadn’t seen you in so long, hadn’t heard your voice, hadn’t even been able to convince himself to reach out.
And yet, here he was, in your city, wondering if you were okay, if you were happy, if you were thinking about him too.
After spending the day checking out the crime scenes and canvasing the surrounding areas, the team returned to the precinct to deliver their initial profile to the local police. Spencer sat near the back of the room, his hands clasped tightly in front of him as he tried to keep his focus on the case.
Emily stood at the front, presenting the profile with her usual confidence. "We believe the unsub is targeting wealthy women," she explained, her tone even but firm. "Women who appear successful and independent—CEO’s, CFO’s, designers, singers, dancers, actors, chefs, etcetera. He sees them as trophies, not just victims. He uses their wealth and status to justify robbing them, taking their IDs, and eventually breaking into their homes after he’s done with them. This is about control and power, and his choice of victims reflects that."
Spencer’s stomach churned as he listened, each word cutting deeper into his already frayed nerves. His mind was no longer on the women they were profiling; it was back on you.
Every victim they described could have been you. Successful, talented, determined—everything about you fit the profile. You had climbed to the top of your field, a name that carried weight and admiration. You were exactly the kind of woman this unsub sought to dominate, to tear down.
Spencer swallowed hard, his gaze flickering to the board where photos of the victims were pinned. Each face reminded him of you in some way—the confident smiles, the elegant postures, the undeniable strength that radiated from their pictures.
He tried to push the thoughts away, to remind himself that you were likely far from this mess, probably tucked away in a luxurious apartment or a designer studio, far removed from the chaos he was immersed in.
But the fear gnawed at him anyway. What if you weren’t safe? What if you were walking these streets late at night, lost in thought or distracted, completely unaware of the danger lurking nearby?
Morgan’s voice pulled him back to the moment, but Spencer barely registered what was being said. He felt frozen, paralyzed by the weight of his thoughts and the eerie similarities between you and the women they were trying to protect.
The briefing ended, and the room began to clear out, officers heading back to their tasks. Spencer stayed seated, staring blankly at the photos on the board. His chest felt tight, his mind racing with all the possibilities he didn’t want to consider.
"Reid?" JJ’s voice broke through the haze, her expression soft as she approached him. "What’s up with you? Is something wrong?”
He blinked, forcing himself to shake his head. "No," he lied, his voice flat. "Everything is fine."
But he wasn’t fine. Not even close. Every instinct in him screamed to find you, to check on you, to make sure you were okay. Because no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the thought that this case wasn’t just about catching an unsub—it was about protecting you from a danger he couldn’t control.
—
You were getting ready with Aubrey and the rest of your group, the energy in the room buzzing with excitement. It was Blake’s 27th birthday, and they had chosen to celebrate with a night out at the clubs.
The leopard-print dress you wore hugged your frame perfectly, its bold design a gift from Aubrey herself. As you zipped up your deep burgundy leather boots, the rich color catching the light, you couldn’t help but glance at your reflection. The outfit was striking—you felt sexy and confident.
“Shots!” Kurt’s voice boomed from the living room, drawing laughter and cheers from the group. You rolled your eyes playfully, shaking your head as you finished adjusting your boots.
“You ready to go, superstar?” Aubrey teased, leaning in the doorway with a knowing smile. She looked impeccable, as always, her outfit radiating confidence and style.
“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied with a grin, standing and smoothing out your dress.
“Good,” Aubrey said, linking her arm with yours. “Because tonight, we’re leaving all the stress and work drama behind. It’s Blake’s night, and you, my dear, are going to have fun.”
You laughed, letting her guide you toward the rest of the group. As the music played loudly in the background and someone handed you a shot glass, you tried to push away the unease creeping in. This wasn’t your scene, but for Blake—and with your friends by your side—you’d make the best of it.
What’s the harm of one night out on the town?
Aubrey, with her effortless charm and impressive connections, had managed to get your group into one of the most exclusive clubs in the city. As you approached the entrance, you couldn’t help but feel a flicker of excitement as you passed the long line of people waiting to get in.
The bouncer gave your group a once-over before glancing at his clipboard, where your names were already on the list. He nodded to the hostess, who gestured for you to follow her inside. You exchanged amused glances with Aubrey, her confident smirk making it clear she was in her element.
The energy of the club hit you immediately—a pulsing rhythm of music, vibrant lights reflecting off chandeliers and mirrored disco balls, and the faint scent of expensive perfume mingling with the coolness of the air-conditioned space.
You were quickly led to a private VIP lounge area, tucked away yet with a perfect view of the dance floor. The sleek leather seating, soft glow of ambient lighting, and low table with a bottle of premium alcohol chilling on ice made it clear this was luxury at its finest.
As you settled in with the group, Aubrey leaned over with a grin. "Not bad, huh?"
"Not bad at all," you admitted, finally starting to feel the buzz of excitement that the rest of the group had radiated all night.
Kurt popped the cork on the bottle with a celebratory cheer, pouring out drinks as Blake laughed and raised their glass. "To the best birthday ever!" Blake called out, their joy infectious as everyone clinked their glasses together.
You took a sip, letting the fizzy warmth spread through you, and glanced out at the dance floor, watching the kaleidoscope of lights play over the crowd. For the first time in a long while, you let yourself relax, leaning into the moment. Tonight wasn’t about anything else—it was about celebrating Blake, being with friends, and maybe, just maybe, finding some joy in the chaos.
It wasn’t until later in the evening, as the excitement of the night wore on, that you noticed something was wrong. Analise hadn’t returned from the bathroom in a very long time. At first, you didn’t think much of it—maybe she’d gotten caught up chatting with someone or had taken a phone call. But as the minutes stretched into an hour, unease began to settle in.
You mentioned it to Aubrey, and soon, the rest of your group was involved, searching the crowded club for her. You checked every possible place she could be—the bathroom, the dance floor, the bar. You even tried calling her phone, but it went straight to voicemail.
A sinking feeling twisted in your gut as you decided to check with door security. Maybe she’d decided to leave early and hadn’t told anyone. But when you explained the situation, the response you got made your heart drop.
“She left about 40 minutes ago,” the bouncer informed you, his tone matter-of-fact. “She was with a man.”
Your blood ran cold. Analise was a married lesbian woman with children. There was no way she would leave with a man.
“That’s impossible,” you said, your voice shaking. “She wouldn’t… she would never do that.”
The bouncer frowned, his expression darkening as he realized the weight of your words. Aubrey, ever composed, stepped forward, her voice sharp and commanding. “We need to check the security footage. Now.”
The staff moved quickly, pulling up the tapes as your group crowded around, watching with bated breath. And there it was—clear as day. Analise stumbling out of the bathroom, visibly dazed, as a man wrapped an arm around her, guiding her toward the exit. You could see her trying to resist, her movements sluggish and uncoordinated, but she was no match for him.
Your stomach churned as the man led her out of the club. It was clear she’d been drugged and coerced.
“We’re calling the police,” one of the security staff said, already reaching for his radio.
The next thirty minutes passed in a blur. The authorities arrived swiftly, questioning the staff and reviewing the footage. Your group, shaken and worried sick, was told to wait outside. When the police finally addressed you, it was to inform you that they needed to take statements from everyone who had been with Analise that night.
Before you knew it, you were sitting in the back of a police car, the flashing lights reflecting off the club’s exterior as it faded into the distance. Aubrey sat beside you, her normally composed demeanor fractured by worry. The rest of your group was being transported in other cars, but you all shared the same fear: What if it’s too late?
As the car sped toward the station, you stared out the window, your mind racing with a million thoughts. Analise’s face, her laugh, her stories about her wife and kids—it all played in your mind like a reel you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t shake the feeling that this was your fault, that somehow you should have noticed sooner, should have done something.
Aubrey reached over, squeezing your hand tightly. “We’ll find her,” she said firmly, though her voice wavered.
You nodded, but the knot in your stomach didn’t loosen. All you could do now was hope the authorities could act quickly enough. Analise’s life could depend on it.
Your group was led into a quiet room, far from the noise and chaos of the precinct. The space felt sterile and impersonal, and the tension in the air was palpable as you waited, all of you exchanging worried glances. One by one, your friends were called out by law enforcement to give their accounts of the night’s events.
You tried to steady your breathing, but your heart sank when one of the officers mentioned that the Behavioral Analysis Unit was on the case. The BAU, you thought, your stomach twisting into knots. That could only mean one thing—Spencer.
Your mind raced. Please, let him be out in the field. Let him be anywhere but here, you silently begged. The idea of seeing him again, especially under these circumstances, felt overwhelming.
But then a petite, pretty blonde woman entered the room, her calm demeanor a stark contrast to your spiraling nerves. She scanned the list in her hands before looking up and saying your name with a polite smile.
You hesitated but stood up, smoothing your dress as you followed her down the hallway. She led you to a small interrogation room, where the walls seemed to close in just a little too tightly.
“Have a seat,” the woman said gently, gesturing to the chair across from her. She handed you a steaming cup of coffee, the rich aroma filling the room.
“Thank you,” you murmured softly, clutching the cup between your hands as if it were a lifeline.
The woman gave you a reassuring smile, her blue eyes warm and steady. “My name is Jennifer Jareau,” she said, her voice calm and professional. “I’m an agent with the BAU, and I just have a few questions for you. You’re not in any trouble; we’re just trying to get a clear picture of what happened tonight.”
You nodded, swallowing hard. “Okay.”
JJ leaned forward slightly, her posture open and non-threatening. “I know tonight was difficult, but anything you can tell us might help us find your friend and bring her home safely.”
You took a deep breath, letting her words settle over you. As much as you were afraid of what this moment represented, you knew you had to focus on Analise. You began recounting the evening, walking her through everything you could remember—how Analise had gone to the bathroom, how long she’d been gone, and how your group had discovered she had left the club with a man.
JJ listened intently, taking notes but never breaking eye contact. Her steady presence made it easier to keep talking, even as your voice faltered at times.
When you finished, she nodded thoughtfully. “You’ve been really helpful. Thank you for being so detailed—it makes a big difference.”
You offered a small, shaky smile. “I just want her to be okay.”
“We’re going to do everything we can,” JJ said firmly, her voice filled with quiet determination.
You nodded again, but as she stood to leave, a new wave of anxiety washed over you. What if Spencer really is here? What if he walks through that door next? You weren’t sure you were ready for that moment. Not now. Not like this.
—
When the call came in about a new abduction, Spencer held his breath, his stomach tightening as a familiar sense of dread crept in. For a brief, harrowing moment, he waited to hear your name. But it wasn’t.
“Analise Bordeaux,” Penelope said over the phone, her tone efficient but tinged with urgency. “She’s a top-rated journalist for the New York Times. Married, with two kids. Her wife also reported her missing earlier tonight after she didn’t return home at a previously agreed time.”
Spencer let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, but the relief was fleeting. Another brilliant, accomplished woman was in danger, and the unsub’s pattern was becoming even clearer.
“Morgan, Reid,” Hotch’s voice cut through the tense moment, bringing everyone back to focus. “I want the two of you to head to the club. Talk to the staff, review the footage, and see if anyone remembers anything unusual.”
“Got it,” Morgan replied, already grabbing his jacket.
Spencer nodded, silently falling into step with his partner. The ride to the club was quiet, the weight of the case settling heavily between them. Spencer’s mind wandered, as it often did in moments like this, and despite his best efforts, his thoughts drifted to you. Were you okay? Were you being safe in this massive, chaotic city? The idea of something happening to you gnawed at him in a way he couldn’t shake.
When they arrived at the club, the music still pulsed faintly in the background as staff cleaned up after the night’s events. The bouncer and several employees were waiting for them, and Derek immediately took the lead, flashing his badge and asking for access to the security footage.
Spencer scanned the room as they worked, his sharp eyes noting every detail. The club was upscale, the kind of place that catered to high-profile clients, which fit the unsub’s victimology perfectly. He and Derek pored over the footage, watching as Analise stumbled out of the bathroom, her movements sluggish and disoriented. The man who had escorted her out didn’t seem remarkable at first glance, but Spencer’s mind was already analyzing every subtle detail—the way he scanned the room, the calculated calmness in his movements.
“This guy fits in with the crowd,” Derek muttered, narrowing his eyes at the screen.
Spencer nodded. “He knows exactly how to stay under the radar. He’s blending in, using the chaos of the club to his advantage.”
After questioning staff and gathering everything they could from the scene, the two men left the club and headed back to the precinct. The weight of what they’d seen hung heavily in the air between them, but Spencer was unusually quiet.
“You good, pretty boy?” Derek finally asked, glancing over at him.
“Yeah,” Spencer lied, his voice quieter than usual. “Just… thinking.”
Derek didn’t push, but Spencer could feel his partner’s eyes on him.
When Derek and Spencer arrived back at the precinct, they headed straight to the makeshift conference area where the rest of the team was gathered. The atmosphere was tense but focused, with everyone comparing notes and piecing together the puzzle of Analise’s abduction.
JJ was finishing up her report on the interviews she had conducted with Analise’s friends. She held a notepad in her hand, skimming through her findings as she updated the team.
“We have a list of people Analise spent the evening with,” JJ said, holding up the notepad. “Her coworkers and a few close friends all confirmed she wasn’t acting like herself before she went to the bathroom. Said she was dazed, disoriented in the footage—classic signs of being drugged. One of them even mentioned they tried calling her, but her phone’s off now.”
As JJ spoke, Spencer’s gaze landed on the notepad in her hand. Something about it nagged at him—a sense of urgency he couldn’t quite place.
“Can I see that?” he asked, pointing to the list of names.
JJ didn’t hesitate, handing the notepad over with a slight frown of curiosity. “Sure,” she said. “What are you thinking?”
Spencer didn’t answer immediately. His eyes scanned the list quickly, his brain processing each name at lightning speed. And then he saw it.
Your name.
It hit him like a punch to the gut, and for a moment, the room seemed to tilt. His breath caught in his throat, and his grip on the notepad tightened as if he needed to steady himself.
You’re here.
“What is it, Reid?” JJ asked, her voice breaking through the sudden rush of emotions.
Spencer forced himself to look up, his expression carefully neutral. “Um,” he muttered, his voice tight. “I just… wanted to see if anyone stood out.”
He handed the notepad back to JJ, his hand trembling slightly. He hoped she didn’t notice, but Morgan, standing nearby, narrowed his eyes at him.
Spencer’s mind raced. He hadn’t seen you in so long, hadn’t spoken to you since the night he let you go. And now, here you were, tangled up in a case involving dangerous predators and a missing woman. He clenched his jaw, trying to suppress the panic rising in his chest.
“You recognize anyone?” JJ asked, her tone casual as she flipped back through the list.
“No,” Spencer lied once more, his voice steadier this time.
But inside, he felt like he was falling apart. Because no matter how much he tried to focus on the case, on the unsub, on finding Analise, one thought overpowered everything else: You were here.
“What do you think, Hotch?” Rossi started, leaning back slightly in his chair. “Should we let them go?” He gestured vaguely, referring to your group still waiting in the designated room.
“No,” Spencer said quickly, speaking up out of turn. His voice was firmer than he’d intended, and everyone turned to look at him with raised brows.
“They’re safer here,” Spencer continued, his tone more measured now. “The unsub might have seen them. If they were with Analise all night, they could’ve been noticed, even targeted.”
“Reid’s right,” Hotch said, nodding as he turned back to Rossi. “We’ll keep them here until we have more information. JJ, did any of them mention recognizing the unsub from the footage? Or if Analise recently changed anything in her routine that might have drawn attention?”
JJ gently took her notepad back from Spencer, giving him another curious glance before flipping through her notes. “Uh… yes,” she said, stopping on a specific page. “One of them—Y/N Y/L—mentioned that Analise had just gotten a promotion at work. They went out to celebrate at a new restaurant last Thursday.”
Spencer stiffened at the mention of your name, doing his best to keep his expression neutral.
“Alright,” Hotch said decisively. “Let’s bring Y/N back into the interrogation room. She might have seen this man at the restaurant and didn’t realize it.”
“I’ll go get her,” JJ offered, already rising from her seat and heading toward the door.
“I’ll come too,” Spencer blurted out before he could stop himself.
Everyone turned to look at him again, surprise flashing across their faces.
“May—maybe a second set of ears,” Spencer stammered, quickly trying to justify his outburst. “Um, a new perspective might help.”
Hotch studied him for a moment, his sharp eyes narrowing slightly as if trying to read Spencer’s motives. Then, with a curt nod, he said, “Fine. Go with her.”
JJ gave Spencer a questioning look but said nothing, motioning for him to follow her. As they walked down the hallway toward the room where you and your friends were waiting, Spencer felt his chest tighten with every step.
He hadn’t seen you in so long, hadn’t prepared himself for this moment. And now, he was seconds away from coming face-to-face with the person he’d never stopped thinking about.
—
You were just starting to lose your patience, shifting in your seat and glancing at the clock for the hundredth time, when the door opened again. The same woman from before, Jennifer, stepped inside with her calm and professional demeanor.
“Y/N?” she said with a polite smile. “Can we see you again?”
Your friends exchanged questioning glances, murmuring words of encouragement as you stood. “Good luck,” one of them whispered as you followed JJ out of the room and down the hallway.
You tried to steady yourself, reminding yourself this was all routine. Just more questions. Nothing out of the ordinary. But as you stepped into the cold interrogation room again, the air felt different—charged, heavy.
And then you saw him.
Sitting in the chair across from the table, Spencer.
Your breath caught in your throat, and the room that had felt icy before now felt like it was a thousand degrees hotter. You froze for a moment, your mind racing to make sense of the sight in front of you. He looked the same, yet different. His hair was slightly longer, his face a little more tired, but those eyes—the same deep, thoughtful eyes you’d once adored—were unmistakable.
Spencer’s head snapped up as you entered, and for a second, he looked just as startled as you felt. His mouth parted slightly, but no words came out.
“Y/N,” JJ said gently, breaking the heavy silence. She gestured toward the chair across from Spencer. “Have a seat.”
You nodded stiffly, forcing your legs to move as you crossed the room and sat down. Your heart pounded in your chest, and you couldn’t tell if it was from nerves, shock, or something else entirely.
Spencer cleared his throat, his hands fidgeting slightly in his lap. “Hi,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.
You blinked, your throat dry as you nodded again. “Hello, agent,” you replied, equally quiet.
JJ glanced between the two of you, her brows furrowing slightly in confusion, but she quickly masked it. “Y/N, we just have a few follow-up questions,” she said, sitting down beside Spencer and pulling out her notepad.
But it didn’t matter what she said. The only thing you could focus on was Spencer, sitting right there in front of you, as if the years between you had suddenly disappeared.
The questions started simply enough—where had you and your group gone to dinner? How many people were there? Did anyone stand out or seem to take special interest in you?
“There was one person,” you said after a moment of thought, tilting your head slightly as you tried to recall the details. “He was a busboy, I believe. But he kept coming by our table to check on us.”
Spencer, who had been taking notes alongside JJ, immediately perked up at that. “He wasn’t your server?” he asked, his voice calm but focused.
You shook your head, brushing a stray strand of hair behind your ear. “No, our server was a woman. She was very attentive, but this guy—he kept showing up. At first, we thought he was just really good at his job, but it started to feel… I don’t know, a little strange.”
JJ leaned forward slightly, her pen poised over her notepad. “Strange how? Did he say anything to you, or was it more about his behavior?”
“It was mostly his behavior,” you replied, frowning as you tried to piece together the memory. “He’d clear away plates that didn’t really need to be cleared yet, or refill water glasses that were barely half-empty. And every time he came by, he’d linger for just a second too long. It was subtle, but… noticeable.”
Spencer exchanged a quick glance with JJ before asking, “Can you describe him? Anything about his appearance that stood out?”
You nodded, your eyes narrowing slightly as you focused on the image in your mind. “He was average height, maybe a little shorter than you,” you glanced at Spencer. “Dark hair, clean-shaven. He had this kind of… intense way of looking at people, like he was trying to figure them out.”
Spencer scribbled furiously in his notebook, his pen moving so fast it almost blurred. “Do you remember if he wore anything unusual? Jewelry, a watch, anything like that?”
You paused, biting your lip as you thought. “I… I think he had a tattoo on his wrist,” you said finally. “It was hard to see because of the uniform, but when he reached over to clear a plate, I noticed it. It looked like… a triangle, or something geometric.”
“That’s good,” JJ said with a nod, giving you an encouraging smile. “That’s really helpful, Y/N.”
But your gaze shifted to Spencer, who was still scribbling notes with an intensity you hadn’t seen from him before. When he finally looked up, his eyes met yours, and for a brief moment, the weight of everything unsaid passed between you.
“Anything else you remember, no matter how small?” he asked softly, his voice steady but carrying an edge of something deeper—something that felt almost personal.
You shook your head slightly. “No, I think that’s it. I didn’t think much of it at the time, but now…” You trailed off, a shiver running down your spine at the realization of how close your group may have been to danger.
Spencer nodded, his expression unreadable as he set his pen down. “Thank you,” he said quietly.
JJ stood, glancing at her notes before giving you another reassuring smile. “We’ll follow up with the restaurant and see if anyone knows him. You’ve been really helpful, Y/N.”
You nodded, rising from your chair, but your eyes lingered on Spencer for just a moment longer before you turned to leave the room. And as you walked back to your friends, you couldn’t help but feel like this encounter had stirred up more than just memories of the night—it had brought something long-buried between you and Spencer back to the surface.
Before you could reach the room where your friends were waiting, you felt a gentle hand on your arm. The unexpected touch made you stop, turning instinctively.
There he was—Spencer, standing just behind you, his face filled with an urgency that took your breath away. He looked like he was holding back a storm, his words spilling out before he could second-guess himself.
“Can I see you before I leave?” he asked, his voice low but rushed, as if afraid you might say no.
For a moment, you just stared at him, your mind scrambling to process the request. And before you even realized it, you nodded. “Okay,” you said softly, the word leaving your lips almost automatically.
Relief flashed across Spencer’s face, but he didn’t linger. He simply gave you a small, grateful nod before turning back toward the team. You stood there for a second, trying to collect yourself, before heading back into the room with your friends.
As soon as you sat down next to Aubrey, she leaned in, her sharp eyes scanning your face. “Was that Spencer?” she asked in a hushed whisper, her voice filled with curiosity and concern.
You nodded again, unable to bring yourself to speak.
“Are you okay?” Aubrey pressed, her hand resting lightly on your arm.
This time, you shook your head. The motion was small, but it felt monumental, like admitting the weight of everything that had just happened. Your teeth sank into your bottom lip, the sharp pressure a weak attempt to distract yourself from the knot of emotions tightening in your chest.
Aubrey frowned, her expression softening as she studied you. “Do you want to talk about it?”
You shook your head again, swallowing hard as you tried to push the overwhelming feelings down. “Not yet,” you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper.
Aubrey nodded, giving your arm a gentle squeeze. “Alright. But I’m here when you’re ready.”
You gave her a faint smile, grateful for her understanding. But as you sat there, surrounded by your friends and the low hum of their conversations, your mind was elsewhere—focused on Spencer, and the inevitable conversation that now loomed on the horizon.
—
Luckily, your information turned out to be exactly what the team needed. With Penelope’s tech skills and the restaurant staff’s confirmation, they were able to identify the unsub and locate Analise.
The relief was almost overwhelming when the news came in: Analise was found unharmed, aside from the lingering effects of the drugs and the red marks on her wrists where she’d been bound. The man hadn’t had the chance to carry out his full plan—robbing her or doing worse—thanks to the swift intervention of the police and FBI.
By the time everything was resolved, the authorities had cleared you and your friends to leave that same night. The long hours of tension melted away as you gathered your things, and your group began heading toward the precinct exit.
You stuck close to Aubrey, practically glued to her side as you wrapped an arm around her waist. Her presence grounded you, the warmth and familiarity of her reassuring after everything you’d been through.
“Finally,” Aubrey murmured as the two of you reached the doors, her tone light but laced with exhaustion.
You nodded, tightening your hold on her as you pushed through the glass doors into the cool night air. But as you stepped outside, your eyes darted around instinctively, searching for a glimpse of Spencer.
And there he was, standing just a short distance away, speaking with Morgan and Hotch. His back was to you, but even from where you stood, you could feel the weight of the moment.
You immediately turned your head, your arm tightening around Aubrey as you kept moving. You didn’t want to stop, didn’t want to risk Spencer catching sight of you—or worse, calling out to you.
Aubrey glanced down at you as the two of you walked quickly toward the car. “You okay?” she asked softly, her voice steady despite her own obvious fatigue.
“Yeah,” you whispered, though your grip on her waist betrayed your nerves.
As you slid into the car, your heart still raced. The thought of seeing Spencer again—even after everything—left you feeling exposed, vulnerable. And yet, there was a tiny, nagging part of you that wondered what would’ve happened if you’d let yourself stop.
But for now, you were content to let an officer drive you home, the city lights blurring outside the window as you leaned against the seat, trying to process the night’s events—and the man who still had the power to shake you to your core.
The incessant ringing of your phone jolted you awake, the sound cutting through the fog of your restless sleep. You groaned, squinting against the morning light as you reached for your phone on the nightstand.
Your heart skipped a beat when you glanced at the screen. No name was displayed, just a number. But it was a number you could never forget, no matter how hard you’d tried.
You had deleted Spencer’s contact months ago, telling yourself it was for the best, a necessary step in moving on. But his number was burned into your memory, a string of digits that you could recite as easily as your own name.
For a moment, you just stared at the screen, your thumb hovering over the answer button. The ringtone seemed louder, more insistent, as if demanding a decision.
Your chest tightened, and a million thoughts ran through your mind. Why is he calling? What does he want? Can I even handle hearing his voice right now?
But before you could overthink it any further, your thumb moved almost of its own accord, pressing the button and bringing the phone to your ear.
“Hello?” you said softly, your voice still heavy with sleep.
There was a pause on the other end, just long enough to make your heart race, and then you heard it—a voice you hadn’t heard in what felt like a lifetime.
“Y/N,” Spencer said, his tone cautious, almost tentative. “I… I’m sorry to call so early. I wasn’t sure if you’d pick up.”
You swallowed hard, gripping the phone tighter. “What’s going on, Spencer?” you asked, your tone carefully neutral.
He hesitated, and you could practically hear him piecing his words together. “I just… I couldn’t leave New York without talking to you,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “Not after last night. Not after seeing you again.”
Your heart ached at the vulnerability in his words, but you didn’t respond right away, unsure of what to say. The silence stretched between you, heavy with unspoken emotions.
“I know this isn’t fair,” Spencer continued, his words tumbling out now, “but… can we talk? Just the two of us? Please?”
You closed your eyes, leaning back against the headboard as you exhaled slowly. You didn’t know what to say—didn’t know if you were ready to reopen wounds you’d worked so hard to heal. But the sound of his voice, the raw emotion in it, made it impossible to say no.
“Okay,” you said quietly. “When?”
“Now?” he asked, his voice tinged with hope and hesitation. “I can come to you, or we can meet somewhere—whatever you’re comfortable with.”
You glanced at the clock on your bedside table, your mind still racing. “There’s a café a couple of blocks from me,” you said finally, giving him the address. “I’ll meet you there in an hour.”
“Thank you,” he said, relief evident in his tone. “I’ll see you soon.”
As the call ended, you sat there for a moment, staring at the phone in your hand. Part of you wanted to crawl back into bed and pretend none of this was happening. But another part—the part that had never really let Spencer go—knew this was a conversation that was long overdue.
—
November 2004
“Excuse me, miss?” a voice spoke from behind you, polite but a little unsure.
You turned around, confused, to find a lanky man with slicked-back hair and glasses standing there, looking at you expectantly. He wore an awkward smile, his hands fidgeting slightly as he shifted on his feet.
“Yes?” you asked, tilting your head, trying to place him.
“If it’s no bother, we would really appreciate the check. We were just called into work,” he explained sheepishly, gesturing to a man sitting at the table behind him, who was watching the interaction with an amused grin.
For a moment, you just stared at him, unsure of how to respond. “Um,” you started, your tone hesitant, “I’m sorry, but I don’t work here.”
The man sitting across from him burst into laughter, shaking his head. “Nice going, Reid.”
The one who had spoken—Reid, apparently—turned bright red, stumbling over his words as he tried to apologize. “I—I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to assume, I just—your outfit—it looks just like the uniforms the waitstaff are wearing!”
You frowned, glancing down at your clothes—a crisp white blouse tucked into sleek black slacks. Then it clicked, and a laugh bubbled up before you could stop it. “Oh, wow,” you said, grinning at him. “That’s… actually kind of funny. I designed the uniforms, so I guess I subconsciously dressed accordingly.”
Reid blinked, his eyes widening behind his glasses. “You designed them?” he asked, his embarrassment giving way to genuine curiosity.
“Yeah,” you said with a shrug, glancing around the restaurant. “I work for the owner—well, freelance. They hired me to design uniforms that were professional but stylish.”
“That’s… really impressive,” Reid said, his tone sincere as he adjusted his glasses. “They’re—um, they’re very nice. Clearly convincing,” he added, his cheeks still pink.
The man at his table laughed again, shaking his head. “You’re lucky she’s nice, kid. That could’ve gone way worse.”
You smiled, brushing off the comment. “No harm done,” you said, waving a hand. Then, looking back at Reid, you added, “Just maybe double-check next time before you assume.”
“Noted,” he said, offering a sheepish smile. “And again, I’m really sorry.”
As you walked away, you couldn’t help but smile to yourself, shaking your head at the interaction. Little did you know, it was the beginning of something much bigger than a misunderstanding over a uniform.
—
December 2008 – Present
You sat at the small table in the café, nervously fidgeting with the edge of the tablecloth with one hand while biting your thumb with the other. The café was quiet, the gentle hum of conversation and the hiss of the espresso machine creating a soothing background. Still, your nerves were anything but calm.
You hadn’t seen Spencer yet, but you felt his presence looming, the anticipation making your chest feel tight. Your mind raced with a million thoughts—what he would say, what you should say, how this meeting would go after all the time that had passed.
“Excuse me, miss,” a familiar voice interrupted, laced with a soft, teasing tone. “You don’t happen to work here, do you?”
Your head snapped up, and your lips parted in surprise, only for the tension in your chest to loosen when you saw him. Spencer stood there, looking both nervous and amused, his hands tucked awkwardly into his coat pockets. His hair was slightly tousled from the cold, and his glasses caught the soft glow of the café lights.
You couldn’t help it—amusement took over as you remembered the very first time he had said those words to you. “Seriously?” you said, a small smile creeping onto your lips. “You’re going to lead with that?”
Spencer shrugged, his lips curving into a sheepish grin. “I figured it worked the first time,” he said, his voice soft as his eyes flickered to yours.
Your heart stuttered at the look he gave you, and for a moment, it felt like you were back in 2005, standing in that restaurant, completely oblivious to what the future held.
You shook your head, gesturing to the seat across from you. “Sit down, Reid,” you said, your tone light, though your voice still carried the weight of everything unsaid.
Spencer moved carefully, as if afraid to disrupt the fragile moment between you. He slid into the chair, his hands resting on the table, fidgeting slightly with the edge of his sleeve.
“You remembered,” you said after a beat, unable to stop yourself.
“Of course I did,” he said softly, his eyes meeting yours. “I remember everything about you.”
The weight of his words settled between you, and for a moment, neither of you spoke. Then, slowly, you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.
“Well,” you said, breaking the silence, “I guess we have a lot to talk about.”
Spencer nodded, his expression serious but filled with something you couldn’t quite place—hope, maybe? “Yeah,” he said. “We do.”
And just like that, the conversation you’d both been avoiding for years finally began.
Spencer folded his hands on the table, his long fingers twitching slightly as though unsure of where to begin. He glanced down at the tablecloth before looking back up at you, his lips parting as if to speak, but no words came out right away.
You tilted your head, studying him. “You’ve never been one to struggle for words,” you teased lightly, trying to ease the tension that hung thick in the air.
He let out a breathy laugh, shaking his head. “I guess there’s a first time for everything.” His voice was soft, almost tentative.
The silence that followed wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was heavy—weighted with years of unanswered questions, unresolved feelings, and all the things neither of you had said when you had the chance.
Spencer finally spoke, his voice low and earnest. “I shouldn’t have forced you to go.”
Your heart clenched at his words, the directness of them catching you off guard. You opened your mouth to respond, but he pressed on, his words tumbling out in a rush, as though he’d been holding them back for too long.
“I thought I was doing the right thing,” he said, his gaze locked on yours. “I thought I was giving you the chance to live the life you deserved, to follow your dreams without me holding you back. But all I did was hurt you. And…” He hesitated, his voice dropping even lower. “I hurt myself too.”
You blinked, stunned by the raw honesty in his tone. You hadn’t expected him to dive in so quickly, to say the things you’d spent so long wondering if he even felt.
“Spencer,” you began, your voice wavering slightly, “you didn’t just hurt me. You made a decision for both of us without even asking how I felt. You thought you were protecting me, but you didn’t give me a choice.”
He flinched slightly at your words, but he didn’t look away. “I know,” he said, his voice thick with regret. “I know I handled it all wrong. I’ve replayed that night a thousand times in my head, and every time, I wish I’d done it differently. I wish I’d just… trusted you.”
You swallowed hard, the vulnerability in his words stirring something deep within you. “You think I didn’t want to go? That I didn’t think about what it could’ve meant for my career? I stayed because I loved you, Spencer. You were my dream. Not New York. Not Aubrey. You.”
Spencer’s hands tightened on the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white. “And I threw it away,” he said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.
You took a shaky breath, trying to steady yourself. “You didn’t throw it away. You made a choice. We both did. And we have to live with that.”
He nodded slowly, his jaw tightening as he processed your words. For a moment, you thought that might be the end of it—that he would drop it and let you both walk away again.
But then he looked up, and his eyes were filled with something fierce, something determined. “I don’t want to live with it,” he said firmly. “Not anymore. Not if there’s even the smallest chance I can fix this—fix us.”
Your breath caught, your heart pounding in your chest as his words hung between you. You wanted to say something, to respond, but you weren’t sure if you could trust yourself to speak.
So instead, you just stared at him, waiting for him to keep going. And in that moment, Spencer Reid, the man who rarely hesitated to explain every detail, every fact, every statistic, did something unexpected.
He waited too.
The weight of his words hung heavily in the air between you, his eyes searching yours for any sign of hope, for any clue as to how you might respond. You could see the vulnerability etched into every line of his face, the desperation for you to believe him, to give him a chance.
“Spencer,” you began softly, your voice trembling just enough to betray the storm of emotions swirling within you. “Fix us? There is no us anymore. You made that abundantly clear when you kicked me out of my home.”
Your words were sharp, cutting through the fragile hope that had been lingering in the air. Spencer flinched as if you’d physically struck him, his face falling with the weight of your statement. He opened his mouth to respond but stopped, his lips pressing into a thin line as he struggled to find the right words.
“I didn’t—” he started, but then stopped himself, shaking his head. “I didn’t kick you out, Y/N. I thought—”
“You thought you knew what was best for me,” you interrupted, your tone more firm now as the hurt you’d buried for so long began to surface. “You didn’t even ask me how I felt. You made a decision for both of us and expected me to just accept it. And when I didn’t? When I tried to fight for us? You pushed me away like I didn’t matter.”
“You mattered,” Spencer said quickly, his voice cracking. “You still matter. I—I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was protecting you.”
“Protecting me?” you repeated, a bitter laugh escaping your lips. “You weren’t protecting me, Spencer. You were protecting yourself. You were afraid I’d resent you, so instead, you pushed me out of your life completely. And guess what? It hurt just as much—maybe even more.”
His shoulders slumped, and he ran a hand through his hair, the gesture so familiar it made your chest ache. “You’re right,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “I was afraid. I was terrified. Not just of you resenting me, but of… of failing you. Of not being enough. I convinced myself that letting you go was the selfless thing to do, but all I did was hurt you. And myself.”
You looked at him, his confession hanging heavily in the air between you. Part of you wanted to lash out, to make him feel a fraction of the pain you’d carried for so long. But another part of you—a part you didn’t want to admit existed—still ached for him, still felt the pull of the man you’d once loved so deeply.
“You can’t just come back now and expect to fix everything,” you said, your voice softer but no less firm. “It’s not that simple.”
“I know,” he said quickly, his eyes pleading. “I know it’s not. But I had to try. I couldn’t leave New York without telling you how I feel, without letting you know that I’m sorry—for everything.”
You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you tried to steady yourself. “And what happens after this, Spencer? What are you expecting? That I’ll just forget everything and we’ll go back to how things were?”
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t expect that. I don’t expect anything from you, Y/N. I just…” He paused, his voice breaking as he added, “I just needed you to know that I never stopped loving you. Not for a second.”
Your breath caught in your throat, and for a moment, you didn’t know what to say. The sincerity in his voice, the pain in his eyes—it was all too much.
But so was the weight of everything that had happened, the scars that hadn’t fully healed.
“I never stopped loving you either,” you said finally, your voice trembling again. The admission felt heavy, like a weight you had been carrying for far too long, now released.
“Really?” Spencer asked, his voice barely above a whisper, as if he was afraid to believe it.
You nodded, swallowing hard. “Well, it’s only been half a year, Spencer. I thought I was going to marry you. That doesn’t just go away.”
“No,” he agreed, shaking his head slowly, his eyes never leaving yours. “No, it doesn’t.”
For a moment, the two of you sat in silence, the quiet of the café wrapping around you like a fragile cocoon. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving just the two of you and the raw, unspoken emotions lingering between you.
Then, Spencer shifted in his seat, his hands fumbling around in his bag as if he were searching for something. You watched him curiously, your heart pounding in your chest as he finally pulled out a small box.
“What is that?” you choked out, your voice barely audible.
Spencer held the box in his hand, staring at it for a moment before looking back up at you. “I bought this the day we went to the mall,” he began, his voice soft but steady. “When you asked me if I ever thought about marriage.” He paused, his fingers brushing over the edges of the box as if grounding himself. “When you went into the lingerie store, I went back and bought the ring you were staring at.”
Your breath hitched, your mind racing. “How did you know?” you whispered, the words barely escaping your lips.
“I’m a profiler,” he said with a small, almost shy smile. “I know—knew you so well. It wasn’t hard to see which one caught your eye.”
“It’s—the ring is in there right now?” you asked, your voice trembling.
Spencer nodded, his expression cautious but hopeful. “Do you want to see it?” he asked tentatively, his fingers tightening slightly around the box.
You hesitated, your heart pounding in your chest. Then, slowly, you nodded, unable to find the words to say anything else.
Spencer opened the box, turning it toward you, and for a moment, you forgot how to breathe.
The ring was simple yet elegant—exactly the kind of style you’d always admired. A delicate band of platinum, with a perfectly cut diamond set in the center, surrounded by smaller stones that sparkled as if they held their own light.
“Yes,” you whispered, barely audible, your eyes never leaving the ring.
Spencer’s head snapped up, his brows knitting together in confusion. “What?” he rushed out, his voice filled with a mixture of disbelief and hope.
“Yes,” you said again, louder this time, your gaze shifting from the ring to meet his wide, questioning eyes.
“Yes… what?” Spencer asked, his voice trembling, as if he couldn’t allow himself to believe what he thought he was hearing.
You took a shaky breath, your emotions swelling and threatening to overflow. “I’ll marry you,” you said firmly, the words filling the space between you like a beacon.
Spencer froze, his lips parting slightly as he processed what you’d just said. For a moment, he looked like he might cry, his eyes glistening with unshed tears as his hand tightened around the small box.
“You will?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper, full of awe and disbelief.
“Yes,” you said again, nodding for emphasis. “I love you, Spencer. I never stopped. And I don’t want to waste any more time pretending like I don’t.”
Spencer’s hands trembled as he reached for yours, his grip warm and steady despite his obvious emotion. “I—I don’t even know what to say,” he admitted, a nervous, breathless laugh escaping him.
“You don’t have to say anything,” you replied, your voice soft but certain. “Just… ask me.”
Spencer blinked, his lips curving into the smallest, most genuine smile you’d seen in years. Taking a deep, steadying breath, he slid out of his chair and knelt on one knee, still holding the box open.
“Y/N,” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you, and I’ll love you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?”
You nodded, tears streaming down your cheeks as you whispered, “Yes.”
Spencer slid the ring onto your finger, his hands shaking as he did so, and when he stood, you launched yourself into his arms. He caught you easily, holding you tightly as you both laughed and cried, the weight of years of pain and longing finally lifting.
In that small café, with the world around you fading into the background, the two of you found your way back to each other—against all odds, against all fears. And for the first time in what felt like forever, everything felt right.
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tag list <333 @yokaimoon @khxna @noelliece @dreamsarebig @sleepey-looney @cocobean16 @placidus @criminalmindssworld @lilu842 @greatoperawombategg @charismatic-writer @fxoxo @hearts4spensco @furrybouquettrash @kathrynlakestone @chaneladdicted @time-himself @mentallyunwellsposts @sapph1re @idefktbh17 @gilwm @reggieswriter @loumouse @spencerreidsreads @i-live-in-spite @fanfic-viewer @bootylovers44 @atheniandrinkscoffee @niktwazny303 @dead-universe @hbwrelic @kniselle @cynbx @danielle143 @katemusic @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx @laurakirsten0502 @geepinky @mxlviaa @libraprincessfairy @fortheloveofgubler @super-nerd22 @k-illdarlings @softestqueeen @eliscannotdance @pleasantwitchgarden @alexxavicry @ill-be-okay-soon-enough @criminal-spence @navs-bhat @taygrls @person-005
#doctor spencer reid#dr spencer reid#spencer reid#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds#spencer reid fic#spencer reid x reader#bau team#criminal minds fandom#bau family#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid criminal minds#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid x you#mgg x reader#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x y/n#criminal minds fluff#criminal minds fanfic#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds x reader#bau x reader#bau
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i absolutely LOVE the winter games idea it’s so cutesy ☺️☺️
could i have ☃️ “hey, look.” ¹ “aw, they’re so cute when they’re asleep.” ² with the lions (poly!marauders + lily; still haven’t found a good name for them yet but it is my all time favorite ship. lots of love to go around 🥳)
LOVE YOU MAMA ELLE 💋💋
aahhh thank you Evie!!! <3
poly!marauders + Lily x fem!reader who waited up for them [692 words]
CW: Lily scolds the boys, they mostly deserved it, Snivellus reference, fluff
The Slug Club’s holiday party ran late tonight, which meant that so did James and Sirius’ detention.
“Can’t believe I’ve managed to make sure I was never invited to the bloody thing and I still had to attend.” Sirius grumbled as he loosened his tie.
“Be swotty like Rem and Lils, get invited. So we do the opposite-”
“Now, I wouldn’t call flooding the Slytherin bathrooms the opposite of being swotty.” Remus contested with a smirk. Lily didn’t find it nearly as funny.
“And we still get invited!” James continued as though he’d not been interrupted.
“Again… I wouldn’t call serving detention by serving hors d'oeuvres-”
“We can argue semantics all night,” Lily muttered as she shouldered on ahead; legs shorter than any of the boys’ yet forcing them to speed up in order to keep up with her, “the bottom line is that we were supposed to meet up with Y/N after the party; and whilst two of us were there on purpose, the two of you could have spent the night with her and not left her waiting.”
The four of them were approaching the portrait hole by the time Lily turned to see three rather contrite boys hanging their heads in shame.
“Sorry, Lils.” James murmured, Sirius nodding quickly.
“I’m sorry too.”
“Me…too?”
“No, Rem.” Lily sighed around a smile, and she let out a reluctant breathy chuckle when his shoulders fell in relief.
“Sorry,” he offered with a shy smirk, “force of habit.”
The common room sat vacant; all students having either attended the Slug Club Party, attended the much more popular and heavily attended anti-Slug Club Party for those who weren’t invited and felt rather jilted by the matter, or long gone to bed.
“She’s not here.” James surmised aloud which saw Remus placing a comforting hand on his shoulder at the sad lilt of his voice.
“Do you think she went up to the dorm?” Sirius asked, and Lily fought the urge to roll her eyes at him.
“Probably went back to her own common room; tired of waiting ‘round for the lot of us.”
Sirius grimaced at what he could tell was ire still being directed at him as Remus let out a sad hum.
“Should we go find her?”
“It’s late, Jamie.” Sirius responded as he made for the stairs towards the boys common room. “I say we-”
“Hey, look!” Remus whispered loudly as he halted from where he’d been following after Sirius.
Lily came around the corner of the sofa to see you - wrapped snugly in a Gryffindor throw blanket - sound asleep. Exactly where you said you’d be waiting for them. Her heart was both broken that they’d left you hanging and so warm at the sentiment.
You’d waited for them.
“Awe!” James cooed, causing Remus to snort at him as he pinched his side chidingly.
“She’s so cute when she’s asleep.” Sirius commented as he leaned his weight on his forearms against the back of a chair to watch the steady rise and fall of your chest.
“You take that back, Sirius.” James scolded. “She’s so cute all the time.”
“I’m going to be the opposite of cute if you two wake her up.” Lily threatened sternly, gently lowering herself to her knees in front of you and brushing gently at the skin above your eyebrow.
The four of them took a moment to appreciate the view; you looked so warm and so content bathed in the warm glow from the fire whilst the candles in the Christmas tree behind the sofa backlit you in a way that made you look ethereal and otherworldly.
“Can’t believe I had to offer Snivellus pigs in a blanket when I could’ve been here snuggling her.” Sirius pouted, earning a commiserating sound from the back of James’ throat.
“Why don’t we get her upstairs, hm?” Remus offered, causing James to jump to attention.
“You guys go, I’ll carry her.”
“No fair! That just means you’ll get to snuggle her first!” Sirius whined as Remus ushered him in the direction of the stairs.
“Fat chance.” Lily argued. “If anyone gets to cuddle her first, it’s me.”
#elle's cold#marauders era#marauders au#marauders fanfiction#reader insert#self insert#remus lupin#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#poly!marauders + lily#poly!marauders x reader#poly!marauders x you#poly!marauders + lily x reader#poly!marauders + lily x you#poly!marauders + lily fluff#ellecdc fics
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Arcane characters spending Valentine’s Day with their s/o
Jinx
Valentine’s Day with Jinx was never going to be typical. She’d been planning for weeks, bouncing off walls with excitement. When you walked into the room, you were greeted with a chaotic mess of glitter, balloons, and something suspiciously resembling confetti.
“Surprise!” Jinx yelled, her grin wide as she threw a handful of glitter at you. “It’s your day, and I’m gonna make it the best one ever!”
You couldn’t help but laugh, knowing that even with the mess, Jinx was doing her best to make you happy. She pulled you into a hug and kissed you on the cheek, whispering, “Happy Valentine’s, you beautiful mess.”
Vi
Vi wasn’t the romantic type in the traditional sense, but Valentine’s Day with her was filled with meaningful little gestures. She took you out for a casual but perfect breakfast at a local café, laughing over pancakes and hot cocoa.
Afterward, she pulled you into a nearby park, her arm draped casually around your shoulders. You were in her world now—no one else mattered. When she caught your eye, her lips curled into a grin, and she kissed your forehead.
“I’m not good at this whole lovey-dovey thing, but I’ll always show you I care, even if I’m not great with words,” she said softly.
Sevika
Sevika didn’t understand the fuss over Valentine’s Day, but she’d been working on a small surprise for you. She led you into a quiet room after a long day, where there were candles lit and your favorite food was waiting on the table.
She was quieter than usual, but her eyes spoke volumes. As she sat beside you and served you a plate, she leaned in close and whispered, “I don’t do all that fancy stuff, but this? This is my way of saying… I care about you, more than you know.”
You smiled softly, taking her hand, and she didn’t need to say anything more. Her actions said it all.
Silco
Silco wasn’t one for big romantic gestures, but on Valentine’s Day, he did something different. He set up a private dinner for the two of you in a luxurious corner of the room, complete with fine wine and his usual sharp gaze softened by the warmth in his eyes.
“Tonight is about you,” he said, his voice hushed as he poured you another glass of wine. “You’ve proven time and time again how valuable you are to me. I wanted tonight to reflect that.”
You smiled, touched by his sincerity. “I’m grateful, Silco. This means more than you know.”
And as the evening passed, it felt like the world had slowed down, leaving only the two of you.
Vander
Vander’s Valentine’s Day gift to you was simple, but thoughtful. He took you to a quiet spot along the river, away from the usual hustle of the city, where you could enjoy each other’s company without interruption. The sun had just set, and the soft glow from the lanterns cast a warm light over everything.
“You make every day worth living,” he murmured, holding your hand tightly as you gazed at the water. “But tonight, I want to make sure you feel special.”
Vander didn’t need grand gestures to make you feel loved—his heart was more than enough. As he kissed your forehead, you knew you were his forever.
Ekko
Ekko always thought Valentine’s Day was overrated, but when it came to you, he made it something special. He’d spent hours tinkering in his workshop, only to reveal a custom watch he had made just for you—a blend of his tech expertise and affection.
“You’re the most important thing in my life,” he said as he carefully fastened the watch around your wrist. “And I want you to always have something that reminds you of me.”
You smiled softly, your heart swelling. “It’s perfect, Ekko. Thank you.”
The rest of the day was spent doing things you both enjoyed—movies, games, and quiet moments—reminding you that love didn’t need to be flashy to feel real.
Jayce
Jayce had gone all out for Valentine’s Day, turning the whole evening into a sophisticated experience. He’d arranged a private dinner in one of the most luxurious spots in Piltover, complete with a view of the city skyline. The table was decorated with candles, and soft music played in the background.
“I wanted tonight to be perfect for you,” he said with a tender smile as he poured you a glass of wine. “Because you are perfect to me.”
You could see the sincerity in his eyes as he spoke, and you felt warmth fill your chest. “This is more than perfect, Jayce. I’m so lucky.”
He kissed your hand gently. “The luck is mine.”
Victor
Victor wasn’t the type to do something extravagant, but his gesture on Valentine’s Day meant more than anything. He invited you to his workshop, where he had set up a simple, intimate dinner for two, surrounded by the quiet hum of his machines.
“I know I’m not great with these things,” he said, scratching the back of his neck nervously, “but I wanted you to know how much you mean to me.”
You smiled, touched by his honesty. “You don’t need to do anything big, Victor. Just being with you is enough.”
He gave you a small, shy smile before pulling you into a soft, lingering kiss.
Caitlyn
Caitlyn’s Valentine’s Day was all about making you feel cherished in the most personal way. She led you to a beautifully decorated spot in her home, where a small, intimate dinner awaited. The table was set with your favorite foods, and the room was filled with soft, romantic music.
“I don’t have grand ideas like some, but I wanted this day to be all about you,” Caitlyn said with a warm smile. “You make me feel loved every day, and today, I want to make sure you feel the same way.”
You smiled, touched by her simplicity. “You already make me feel special, Caitlyn. Thank you for everything.”
She kissed your hand gently, her love shining through every small gesture.
#x reader#arcane imagine#arcane x reader#arcane headcanon#arcane vi#ekko arcane#arcane jayce#vi arcane#jinx arcane#sevika x reader#arcane sevika#arcane silco#silco#arcane caitlyn#ekko x reader#jinx x you#jinx x reader#vi x reader#character x reader
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And It Is All That Matters
Sylus x gn!Reader
You can thank my yearning for this one. And you can thank my willpower to *not* fall asleep before I could post it
Warnings: fluff, domestic fluff, cuddling, kissing, classical music, playful banter, established relationship
Word Count: 660
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Time was a lost concept. All that exists is right here, right now. Where is the sun positioned in the sky? Who knows? It could be right outside the window and you wouldn’t care. Is there something important coming up? Who cares? None of it matters.
All that exists is right here, right now - that is all that matters.
A record of Sylus’s spins its steady dance, brought to life by the arm of the phonograph. Gymnopédie No. 1, he said it was called. You don’t even remember that. All you know is how sweet it sounds filling the air of your bedroom. It’s my favorite right now, you said in return. He found it was his, too.
He sighs against your neck, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. His nose brushes against your pulse, down to where your shoulder begins. You smell like his cologne, spiced and warm. He’s never liked it on himself half as much as he adores it on you.
Like your own personal weighted blanket, he’s on his stomach on top of you. His feet hang off the end of the bed, but he refuses to shift up any higher than this. You can’t complain. Each breath you take is pressed back on with his body. He’s worried about suffocating you, but you hug his hips with your knees, refusing to let him ease up at all.
You think his arms are asleep. They must be. They rest beneath you, encircling your waist possessively. Every minute flex of his muscles, every minor twitch of his fingers, you feel it all. If his arms are asleep, he doesn’t complain. He just holds you tighter. You can’t feel self-conscious of your body when he holds you like he carries the universe in his embrace. You’ve tried - he squashes them out before the flame has a chance to grow to anything more than an ember.
His hair is soft. It smells sweet and floral, and unmistakably like your shampoo. You scratch at the nape of his neck, but you don’t mention it. Instead, you press your nose to the crown of his head, breathing him in. He notices, of course. Why should he say anything when he’s breathing you in just the same?
“I bought a dress for you the other day,” he murmurs. His voice is low and rich, lips brushing your skin with every syllable. “It’ll be here tomorrow. I had them alter it to your measurements.”
You brush his bangs from his forehead. “And just when did you get my measurements?” you ask with faux suspicion.
He grins. “I’ve been hugging you all week - you didn’t notice?”
“I thought you were just being clingy.” You sigh heavily. “I guess I should just leave now if you’ve already gotten them all.”
You push at his shoulders lightly. There’s not even enough force there to push Mephisto over. He tightens his hold on you and kisses your neck in delicate pecks. “I have to double check them all.”
“And?” You brush his forehead with your nose. “What’re the results?”
He hums, planting a lingering kiss behind your ear. “Give me a bit longer to calculate them all. I wouldn’t want to have this dress refitted because I rushed my work.”
You kiss his forehead, right at the hairline. He makes a pleased sound. You’re not sure he expected to. He can feel your smile as you kiss the spot again and again.
“I love you, Sy…” you whisper, like it’s a secret nobody else in the world knows.
“I love you, too, sweetheart.”
His thumb brushes the curve of your hip as you wrap your arms around his neck. He raises his head just enough to kiss you properly; soft and sweet and slow. He kisses the corner of your mouth when he pulls away. His nose finds the junction of your shoulder. Yours finds the silky locks of his hair. And it is all that matters.
---
Tag List:
@the-golden-jhope @huen1ngk41 @armycaratlover @sylusfluffymeow @cheesemachine44 @nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pikachuzhc
#fanfic#fanfiction#sylus#sylus x reader#love and deepspace sylus#lads sylus#lnds sylus#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#lads#lads x reader#lnds#lnds x reader#gn reader#x gn reader#gender neutral reader#x gender neutral reader#fluff
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Thoughts and theories in regards to my favorite senior necromancer
This man swept me of my feet so completely that I am still reeling. He is my new Solavellan and the amount of feels I have about him, its ungodly.
So I present to you my way to long essay about why Emmrich is the saddest and greatest man Bioware ever created, right next to Solas.
Please be aware of spoilers if you have not completed the game yet.
Also, shutout to @jaal-ama-daravv - you were looking for others peoples thoughts and theories. Also, thank you for all your posts and love for Emmrich.
(Edit for typos)
Their whole romance starts with dear Rook trying to flirt with him. And Rook being Rook their flirts are… questionable. I image Rook always doing a facepalm “Oh god, what did I just say?” afterwards. They… are not really that good at flirting. Half the time he doesn’t even seem to get that Rook was flirty with him.
But, oh, he did get it. He just couldn’t really comprehend it. This pretty, young and exciting person, flirting with him?!? Rook can be anything up to their mid-40s according to canon. That is not that much younger than him. But to him, they do SEEM young. Despite them being somewhat younger than Emmrich, I do think though, in quite a few ways, they are more experienced and knowledgeable than him. Emmrich led a pretty sheltered life. His childhood seems to be a happy one, despite them being poor. The loss of his parents had a huge impact on his life. To a degree where it still impacts him in a major way, even now, a lifetime later. But outside of that, I don’t think there was much strife or adventure in his life.
He is a quiet man who loves his books, and his time and work in the necropolis. He rarely even left the Necropolis. He never saw much of the world outside of it. But he always wanted to. Always dreamed of some kind of adventure. I think this is one of the reasons he so readily agreed to help Rook. A chance for adventure (and to help the world).
So here he finds himself in the company of a vibrant adventurous Rook who has seen and experienced so much. I think no matter their age difference, they would seem younger, “fresh faced” and vibrant to him. They are so full of life compared to him, who has not done that much living in recent years. They are less stuck in their ways, are out in the world and not sequestered in a life of routine.
In some ways he seems to be older than he is. That man is in his 50s. That is NOT old. But he seems to have lacked the courage to take life by its horns and just ride it. He is cautious, a coward in many ways. But somehow this dear Rook seems to bring out a different side of him. An almost forgotten yearning for more.
So, Rook awkwardly flirts with him. Bumbles and stumbles over words to flatter him. And he is exhilarated, touched and most of all confused. Why would this beautiful, vibrant person be interested in HIM of all people. There are other people around who should be so much more interesting to them than him. And how could he not be interested in them himself? They are, in a way, what he wants to be. Adventurous. Full of life. Indomitable. No matter what life throws at them, they refuse to yield. They have a courage the lacks, or thinks he lacks.
But that man is so much braver than he thinks. The fact that he is so open with Rook about his thanatophobia, even with a Rook that is not romantically interested in him is so touching. He tells them his most inner fears and all he wishes for it in return is some respect and kindness.
So, after some light and awkward flirting he tells them. If they DO mean it, he is interested. Emmrich is a deeply romantic man. In the dept of his heart he does not want a short-term affair. He wants someone to spend his life with. He wants something real. He wants everything. It’s what he always wanted, but never found and had completely given up upon. So he opens up a bit more.
But around that time, he also realizes that he absolutely has to tell them about his plans for lichdom. He tells the Rook on the friendship path why he hopes for their help in regard of Johanna. He explains why it is so important to him to find and stop Johanna.
Same goes for Rook on the romance path. But here comes the other side of the coin. Lichdom puts a possible halt on their fledging romance. He cannot know if Rook would be willing to continue what they’ve barely started.
They may either continue under the understanding that they have just temporary affair. What he never wanted. He always wanted that eternal flame – but by the Maker he wants to be with them, even if it is just a short time. He is still all feely at this point and the whole scope of his emotions have not yet hit him.
Or even, can he dare to dream, beyond that point of no return and stay with him after he becomes a Lich.
But he must put it out there. He cannot go further into their romance pretending his plans do not exist. He thinks Rook has a right to know what they are getting in to, and he is correct (and much respected) for that.
At the end, Rook commits to being with him with the full knowledge that Lichdom will come, sooner or later. If they stay with him from that point on is still undecided, but for now they are his. And how can he say no to that. He certainly did not expect this. I believe he fully expected this to be their end. But his confession ended truly in a night of unexpected splendor.
So, we know he always wanted “enduring affection”, love and commitment. And he had his fair share of lovers, paramours and affairs. I would think that he is someone who, when he does fall in love, loves so deeply and completely that it often scared his lovers away.
Not necessarily in an unhealthy way, but he is, underneath all that poise and manners, a deeply romantic man with strong emotions. I don’t think that Rook is special b/c he loves them more than he could love someone else, but b/c they not only accept all his love, more so, they welcome and return it in equal measure. They accept him and want him, even with all the baggage he comes with.
I think he was burned quite a few times in the past. So, he is trying to hold back, “be normal about it”. It’s just hard when this person he loves so much looks at him like he is their moon and stars and flame eternal. It’s hard when he feels finally and completely seen. He told them about his deepest fears, his plans about lichdom, and they are still here, willing to be on his side all the way. And while they seem to act like teenagers being all over each other, all want and need and stolen kisses, I think what they feel goes way deeper from the start.
At the same time, I also think that is partly at fault for not being able to find a lasting relationship. He had people in his live who did not want to fully commit to him. But I also think, the he never truly committed to anyone. He did, surely, on a more surface level. But a part of him always stayed closed off. He never gave himself completely. His fears made sure of that. What happens with Rook, the wonderful, oh so romantic start of their relationship? Only to end in this uncomfortable limbo because he lacks “the guts to say how he feels”? I think that was not the first time a relationship ended sour this way for him.
Take the amount of his feelings, add to that his thanatophobia, and that poor man becomes more and more a complete mess. What starts out as exciting and new and OMG THEY LIKE ME, becomes soon a new target for his fears. All those feelings inside him warring with each other. He wants to pin them against a wall and declare his undying love and run and hide at the same time.
Then comes Manfreds sacrifice and his big decision. Will he restore Manfred? Will he give up his friend to achieve his dreams?
Since I went with Manfred, I will mainly describe my feelings regarding mortal Emmrich. Though I believe Lich Emmrich suffers from the same base fears, they just find a different target.
Tbh, what Lace says to him certainly would not have helped. Her words feed into his doubts and fears and give them credibility. See, even Lace says this might not be right. Rook is younger. They move too fast. He will die earlier. Rook will be devastated. A whirlwind of emotions and half formed thoughts fueled by fear.
All he ever sees and what is constantly on his mind is not the time they can spend together, but the end of their time together. His death, their death, it does not matter. One of them will be gone and the other will be left with the pain he felt after his parents died. A pain that might even be worse than what he felt back then.
Rook being younger just becomes the vehicle by which he tries to convince himself that this might not be such a good idea after all. But its all his fears speaking.
And fear can be so strong, so overwhelming.
When they had this fight, my read on his words was that he wanted to break up with Rook. His words at that moment are condescending, bordering on mean. He is lashing out. We know he can be vindictive when he feels wronged, but he is nothing but kind and gentle to those he likes and who treat him with respect. I think, in a way, that it was not necessarily a conscious decision, but more of an instinct to hurt Rook. To make them angry and not love him anymore. To make it easier to end it, spare them the pain of breaking up now and of loosing him to death one day. By protecting himself from the pain of their death should he outlive them.
As if that would work and make any difference to Rook, or him. They are already so madly in love with each other.
And I think, what makes Rook different from his previous partners is that they realized, if they let him finish this sentence, he might break something beyond repair. Even if it was his fear speaking at that moment, not his love. Running away from his feelings is a recurring theme for him. And he does not WANT to break up with them. But his fear tells him its better this way. Fear is a liar, though.
So they speak a harsh truth. It’s his fear, insecurities and cowardice speaking. They do not let him get away with it. It is harsh, yes. But I think it was also necessary. It spells out a truth he did not want to admit to himself. He is afraid, insecure and a coward. And the big question, is that what he wants to be? They are, in sadly not the nicest way, telling him to get hid goddamn shit together. And sometimes that’s needed. Especially for an academic man like Emmrich. No Emmrich, that is not logical. It is pure emotion and fear is running your life, not you.
In a perfect world they would have told him so in a calm and collected manner. Less harsh words and more kindness. But would that have had the same impact on Emmrich? Rook is a person too, with their own fears and hopes and dreams. And Emmrich right now is breaking their heart. I think he needed that. To see the pain and hurt he inflicted on them.
Can you imagine the regret he would feel in the end? If he left Rook? It would leave him a broken shell of a man. His final defeat. Fear had won. Nothing would be better, and no one would have been spared any pain. I would just be a lifetime of regret and what ifs. The one person who accepted him fully, loved him so deeply, and HE threw everything away.
I think, the time Rook was trapped inside the fade prison might have been the best thing that could happen in the long run. It’s all his fears come to reality. Rook is gone. He lost them. And he just wants to curl up and hide. But he can’t. He needs to find them. If he lets fear win now, Rook might be lost forever. He cannot allow himself to be coward now. I think this time was a come-to-Jesus moment for him. It forced him to look at his fears and what they’ve cost him. It’s a moment where he needs to stop letting fear control his life.
The last real private moment they had was a fight, filled with fear and anger. (That short apology in the middle of a battlefield was hardly private and could in no way make up for the words that were said.)
That last evening should have been a time filled with love. A memory to cherish. But now it’s a memory one would want to forget. And that was his own doing. It was not something out of his control, like “death”. It was his words and actions that tainted their time together. And what if that was the last time they’d seen each other, been with each other? What if that is his last real memory of them? The look of anger and pain and hurt on Rooks face, caused by HIM, by what he had actively said and done? I think this might be the first time he realizes that his fears take more from him, than death ever could.
Phobias and anxieties are not cured that easily, of course. I think in a way, they will always stay with him, to a degree. But I do think he had some important realizations that will put him on a path of growing. At least in regards of how he deals with his fears.
And then he found them. He found his Rook. They are back and they are alive. He can hold them in his arms again and how could he ever even think about turning away from them? They are a gift, a miracle, the deepest wish fulfilled. A wish he’d given up upon. Something he thought he would never have.
And then the last scene with the coffin. Okay here I go the Astarion route and I am absolutely convinced that that coffin is his. Of course he had planned all things in regards to his death. He had chosen the crypt he wanted to be buried in. And at that moment he took them there. The place that had been the mark of the final end, now the mark of the rest of his life. And Rook? Rook still wants him, after everything. They still love him.
When they pull him into a kiss? He doesn’t see the end of their time, but the start of the rest of their life together. That look on his face when Rook leads him to that coffin? This look of absolute vulnerability? I think, in a way, this is a first time for him. All open and vulnerable. All he is and feels no longer hidden away but cherished and loved. He will always fear loosing them, them loosing him, how could he not. But they are here and HE is finally able to truly commit. He is finally giving everything. He will always fear, but now love wins. Rook holds his heart in their hands, and he trusts them completely. He gives himself to them. He is theirs, forever.
Hell, that man breaks my heart in so many ways.
So what’s in store for them in the future? Sadly we do not get epilogue sliders for our LIs.
But those two I truly think are in it for the long haul. There will be many good days, filled with happiness and laughter and kisses. They will go on adventures, see the world, experience life together in its fullest.
There will also be bad days, when fear rears its head, and his chest hurts from the sheer pain it inflicts on him. But I hope he comes to a point where he is able to turn to Rook in those times, instead of pushing them away. Where he lets them comfort him, hold him, until this feeling loses its grip on him.
Those bad days will never diminish those wonderful days they have together, though. Just a rain cloud, hiding the sun for a day or two. And it can’t rain forever.
Then, when one of them finally goes on to their last journey, they will wait for their love. And when they are united again, they walk eternity hand in hand.
#emmrich#emmrich volkarin#emmrook#emmrich x rook#dragon age emmrich#da4 emmrich#dragon age#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#veilguard#da#dav#datv#let me explain to you in this essay#he deserves all the love and kindness#i have a demon of obsession within me
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Work has been kicking my ass the last couple of weeks, so I haven’t really had time to write. This is all I’ve got for y’all right now 🤍
Lovers of Compass!Sanemi and Reader discussing books, rejoice. They’re still a couple of fucking nerds (no matter how horny)
It’s almost one in the morning when your phone buzzes.
A message; one from the only person you text, who also happens to be your favorite. On your screen is a picture of the front cover of the book you’d given Sanemi before he left the day before; beneath it, the chat bubble signals he’s sending a follow up.
You caught up yet? Sanemi’s text reads.
You toss your own book to the side, straightening up in bed. Though no one is around to see, a smile unfurls across your lips and your thumbs hurry across your phone’s keyboard.
How far are you?
Sanemi’s reply is instant. Halfway. Can’t finish tonight but I’ve got a few things I need to discuss right the fuck now.
You glance at the time. It’s nearing one-thirty, and your alarm is set for six. Dragging yourself out of bed after less than five hours of sleep is a kind of stupidity you know better than to indulge.
You hit the call button anyway.
Sanemi picks up on the second ring. “I’ve got five minutes,” he warns, voice low, like he’s wary of being overheard. “So if I hang up all of a sudden, it’s ‘cuz of work —“
“Hi to you too,” you tease, settling back against your pillows.
A pause. “Hey there, beautiful,” you can hear his smile even through the phone. “You okay?”
“Better, now that I hear your voice,” and you can’t even be bothered to be embarrassed by the cheesiness of the admission. Texting him is one thing; hearing him, actually hearing that wonderfully gravelly voice of his soothes a tension in your limbs you hadn’t realized you’d been carrying.
He’s okay. He’s unharmed — safe, even. For now, that has to be enough.
Sanemi’s laugh comes through the phone as a staticky exhale of breath. “Normally, I’d ask what you’re wearing, but I’m dead fuckin’ serious — if they don’t win this war —“
“Which battle did you get to?” You sit up, wracking your memory for the approximate place Sanemi has reached in his book. “Did the cadre reunite?”
“No, half of ‘em are still across the fucking continent.”
“Ohhhh, yeah. Okay. I know where you are.” You tug at a loose thread on your comforter. “I can’t say anything. You’ll just have to keep reading.”
“God dammit,” and you imagine he’s rolling his eyes, maybe even glaring down at the book in distaste. “Shit’s got me stressed the fuck out. I don’t know how she’s gonna wrap this up —“
You giggle as he launches into a rant over loose plot ends. Squaring the mental image of your boyfriend — the one currently ranting about the various loose plot ends to still be tied up in his current read — with the one you know must be sitting in some alley or warehouse, waiting to do things he’ll never speak of, feels impossible at times. But here, for this small moment, Sanemi isn’t a Hashira. He’s just a boy, spouting off theories and guesses as to his book’s ending with an almost childlike enthusiasm. Here, there are no orders to leave, no bruised knuckles or bloodstained hands he has to scrub clean in your bathroom sink.
It’s just you and him; your Sanemi. Your wonderful, gentle, sweet Sanemi.
“Ah shit,” he cuts his impassioned tirade off with sigh. There’s a rustling on the other end of the line, but it’s too muffled to be distinguishable. “‘M gonna have to go —“
Just like that, the moment ends and the smile you’d been wearing slides from your face.“Oh.” And you hate how small your voice sounds. “That’s okay — I’m glad I got to talk to you for a sec.”
The rustling stops. “Me too,” Sanemi says softly. “Fuck, I miss you.”
This is the part you hate most; the part when he has to stop being yours and go be theirs, no matter how much you know he doesn’t want to.
Your moments with him are pennies to the hours the Corps gets to demand. As long as they keep their claws in him, this will always be how your moments with him end: in abrupt, hushed voices, Sanemi’s shoulders sagging with a guilt he shouldn’t have to feel.
You grimace. This forced distance between you is bad enough, and you don’t want him to feel worse than he likely already does. You knew what you signed up for by telling him you loved him. You can’t be mad for getting exactly what you’d known to expect. And besides, your ire is reserved for the Corps and the Corps alone. Sanemi doesn’t deserve it. You can’t leave him on your sour note.
He’ll be yours again soon enough, even if only temporarily. That has to be enough, for now. Better to give him something to look forward to, rather than reminding him — and yourself — of what you’re both currently without.
“If you still wanted to know — I’m wearing your shirt. Only your shirt.” You smirk. “A thong, too. The lacy green one.”
A favorite of Sanemi’s, as he’d mentioned a handful of times. One that always set his eyes wide, made his tongue flick out to wet his lips.
Your distraction works. A strangled groan crackles through the phone. “You’re killin’ me, woman.”
#sanemi shinazugawa#kny sanemi#sanemi x reader#kny x reader#kny fanfic#shinazugawa sanemi#sanemi shinazugawa x reader
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hii! aventurine, blade, jing yuan and moze with a very clingy teen!reader?
[character] was kind/helped them once and the neglected and lonely reader became attached to him in no time
like they follow char around like a toddler, always want to be near him, buys them presents, runs to them for comfort etc.
dont stray too far
synopsis -
includes - blade, jing yuan, aventurine, moze
warnings - gn!teen!reader, fluff, slight angst, slight crack, wc - 754
blade ★↷
↪it was assumed a lot that blade was a closed off and rather blunt person, not someone who was kind and polite. which was somewhat correct but maybe blade was less emotionally competent than most and so struggled to express some emotions.
↪and that kinder side of himself was much more expressed around you. while the difference was very visibly noticeable, it definitely was in his words and actions.
↪for example, how he let you cling to him and follow him around - although if things were going to get rather violent, he would always shoo you away. or how he would indulge you and go out of his way to do what you wanted to do.
↪or even in the way that he listened. whenever you ran to him for comfort he would always sit and listen to you, giving you that undivided attention that had been absent in your life for so long.
jing yuan ★↷
↪the general may not exactly always show it, especially when faced with his enemies, but he could be extremely kind and gentle. and it was probably less known that he had a softer spot, reserved for those he cared about and actually liked.
↪jing yuan found it absolutely endearing how you always wanted to be near him, practically clinging to him and running to him when he strayed too far. some would say he was worse with how he panicked when you weren't in his line of sight.
↪most of the generals free time had devolved into him spending time with you, indulging you by taking you out into the busy streets of the luofu or simply sitting at home with you - either lazing the day away or him teaching you all sorts of things.
↪and whenever you brought him a gift, he would make such a big deal out of it. thanking you and then getting you a gift of your own - maybe even matching accessories if he so wished.
aventurine ★↷
↪it would have been a passing act of kindness from him, something subconsciously triggered by those faint recollections of a younger version of him who was never helped with pure intentions.
↪so he understood why you latched onto him so quickly, shocked yes and a bit of pity that it was him of all people, but he understood why. and even though he would've seen you better off with someone else, you didn't see that and so he'd still try his hardest for you.
↪he would absolutely cherish any and all gifts you gave him. they would always be kept in pristine condition to ensure they remained the original quality for as long as possible - no matter what the gift was, it became one of favorite things he owned purely because it was a gift from you.
↪it still greatly shocked him when you turned to him for comfort. he never saw himself as the comforting type but you clearly did and he knew it probably would do more harm if he pushed you away. so he tried his hardest to find ways to help you.
moze ★↷
↪most people probably wouldn't assume that moze was the “kind” type. his more closed off and often intimidating demeanor definitely made him come off in such ways. but those that knew him would've known differently.
↪at first, he found it somewhat inconvenient that you liked to follow him around and being near to him. moze loved lurking in the shadows and you innocently staring at where he just disappeared did not help. although eventually he would teach you how to hide efficiently alongside him.
↪but another side with that is that you developed the uncanny ability to locate him at all times. which you mostly used to run to him for comfort, something that shocked him at first but eventually he got used to - still awkward for him occasionally but that was due to his emotional awkwardness.
↪it became a very well known point to never ask moze about the little trinkets and gifts he had on him - the ones that certainly did not fit his usual style. because most knew very well that they were gifts from you.
taglist - @little-miss-chaoss, @frankiesteinn
#—stellaronhvnters.#x reader#x gender neutral reader#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x gender neutral reader#honkai star rail x gender neutral reader#hsr blade#blade x reader#hsr jing yuan#jing yuan x reader#hsr aventurine#aventurine x reader#hsr moze#moze x reader
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childhood sweetheart material
oh my god!!! it's finally here, i made sure to change the posting settings this time!! i know it's not a bakery request but i've been writing them and i have a bunch in my drafts, i've got my sister editing them for me and hopefully one will be out soon... but for now enjoy my lovely's <3
pairing; carlos sainz jr x childhood best friend viviana martinez [original character]
blurb; this is a list of cute things childhood friend turned husband carlos sainz jr and his childhood friend turned wife viviana martinez do in my smau series that i'm working on called since we were eighteen, this story features a original character but for your reading pleasure, i've used 'you' and 'y/n' in this little snippet <3
currently playing; everything has changed by taylor swift ft ed sheeran "cause all i know is we said, "hello" and your eyes look like comin' home, all i know is a simple name and everything has changed, all i know is you held the door, you'll be mine and i'll be yours, all i know since yesterday is everything has changed"
from day one, you were the one;
your families have been friends for the longest time and while carlos was born a few years before you, you've been friends since you could babble at eachother
carlos can in fact still remember meeting you for the very first time, how tiny you were and his mother still has the photo of three year old carlos kissing your forehead but her personal favorite was one of you two falling asleep on eachother in the backseat of a car when she was dropping you off after a play-date
and so the years kept passing;
as years go by, you and carlos slowly begin to drift apart pursuing different careers and life goals, you knew from a young a age that you loved carlos but didn't realize it was in the romantic way until far later in life
during your teenage years, your parents thought you two were dating and no matter how much your denied it, they never believed you but that was probably due to the platonic to you both kisses you would place on eachothers cheeks or foreheads
when you were nineteen and about to move away and not see carlos for the next four to five years, not that you knew that at the time, you'd begged him to be your first time, it was one of those cliche moments of not wanting to go to college a virgin but he turned you down, saying he didn't want to ruin what you had, what a joke that seemed like now
when you two were young, around the ages of fourteen and eleven, you joked about marrying eachother one day, you even made a contract about how if you were still single after you'd turned twenty two that you'd tie the knot with eachother but as you grew apart, that contract was long forgotten about
coming back to eachother;
you found eachother again at a family reunion, you'd arrived early and got talking with his mother, catching up about life when she brought out old photo albums and low and behold at the back of the album was a paper or contract that you'd long forgotten had existed
you'd been sipping a drink in the garden when you heard the familiar voice, you'd gotten to talking when the topic of relationships came up and you discovered the both of you were single
you joked about tying the knot but he joked back about taking him to dinner first, which you did for giggles but you just fell in love with talking to eachother and began to meet up more often which eventually led to confessed feelings that had been hidden for too long, this left the rest as history
telling your families;
you were both nervous to say the least, your parents had been friends since they themselves were children, little did either of you know both of your sisters had already started to notice the change between you, the little stares and stolen glances but they had noticed it too late.. about three years too late in fact
the two of you had been planning to tell them sooner but you didn't want to give them false hope in case you broke up but you began to like the privacy and how it was just the two of you and before you knew, the two of you were approaching your three year anniversary
it was actually at your anniversary dinner that carlos proposed, you had both just stepped off a twelve hour flight and decided that instead of going out you'd get pizza
carlos thought there would be no better time than when you both sat on the couch eating pizza in comfy clothes to propose, you however almost lost it, you knew your answer was yes but instead of saying the first words out of your mouth were "you let me do this sweatpants" [if you've seen this video, i love you]
it was a week later at the traditional joint family dinner when everyone found out, your younger sister basically screaming her head off when she saw the ring on your finger as you reached for your wine glass
"what is that!" she squealed to which you winced in return and carlos chuckled, your mother looked betrayed as she too just now noticed the ring adorning your finger "when did that happen, i didn't even know you were seeing someone" she asked flabbergasted.
"does this mean you and carlos aren't together" your youngest sister had asked, she was only ten but loved carlos so much, you and carlos shared a knowing look before he shrugged his shoulders and leaned over to kiss you... that set off a frenzy among your family members
when it comes to work;
you work as an actress in horror / thriller films but you absolutely hate being scared, your the biggest wuss carlos knows but his favorite thing about your job is that he has a video on his phone of when one of your cast-mates scared the shit out of you and you screamed like the scream queen that you are
you often come home from set covered in fake blood to which carlos can't help but panic every time thinking your injured before he catches his breath and then helps you wipe it all off but not without you covering him in fake blood first
carlos quite often comes to your photo-shoots and one time the photographer wasn't happy with how the photos were working out, said that their was no real chemistry between you and the male model you had been working with and so he called a break during which you hung out with carlos, sitting in his lap and just enjoying eachothers company when the photographer caught sight of you both and it was like a light bulb went off in his head, that was the birth of the photo you had forever pinned to your instagram account
carlos always insisted on watching your movies, no matter how often you told him he didn't need to you would still come home to find him curled up on the couch with pinon as he pointed and mumbled "there's our girl" in his rough tired voice
your not afraid to show your support to carlos at his races either, attending as a long lost but now returned childhood friend at first but then eventually as his girlfriend and then wife but nobody knew that
while lando was basically carlos's best friend, to you he was your paddock child and you never let him forget it either
one of carlos's favorite things about your job was getting to see you in the gorgeous red carpet dresses, you would always show him and if he happened to be off racing, you'd facetime him instead, he loved being able to zip them up and feel your warm skin as he did it, his favorite dress was this one:
you were honestly carlos's biggest fan and without both his and his fans knowledge, you'd started an account on instagram where you posted the most outrageous things about him like this: which is one of your more tame posts btw
whenever carlos wins a race, gets on the podium or just no matter what place he gets, your wrapping your arms around him as soon as you can and whispering in his ear "i'm so proud of you mi sol"
kisses + cuddles;
there's different kinds of cuddles when it comes to yours and carlos's relationship, these include;
straddled cuddles were your sitting in his lap and wrapped around him, there is nothing sexual about it, just the two of you enjoying eachothers company
hugs from behind no matter where you are, in the motor-home or even the supermarket, carlos just likes to be holding you
and your personal favorite is when he's so exhausted and turns into the little spoon
and finally there's just this;
and then there's all the different kinds of kisses you two share
there's shoulder kisses most of which occur when carlos is hugging you from behind but they also happen in the early morning when carlos is awake and your still asleep but he just feels the need to kiss you in some way
thigh kisses, he loves to kiss your thighs and not just in the sexual way which he does indeed enjoy giving you but it also happens when he's laying in your hold with his head half in your lap and half resting on your legs
then there's the tippy toe kisses, the height difference between you and carlos was adorable but you often have to either stand on your tip toes or wear heels in order just to kiss him
then there's the kisses that you place all over his face after race cause no matter what place he comes, your always so happy for him and just need him to know how much you love him
then there's the kisses you have to tug at his shirt in order to give to him
there's the one where your kissing in bed, not in a sexual way but the 'i've missed you' loving way that has you rolling around and giggling, never wanting the kisses to end
and finally there's the kisses that both of you moaning in-between, it's these ones that normally led to your sexual encounters with eachother
touches and intimate moments;
you two have a habit of one of you two laying in bed, watching the other change in the morning or after a shower, you once said you trusted no one like how you trusted carlos and that's why you let him watch you change
then there's the times when either of you come home either from work or a race, so you sit behind eachother and gently massage the others shoulders
if your ever in the way which carlos says that you never are, he'll hook his fingers into your belt loops and gently scoot you out the way
carlos is the kind of boyfriend where if your too tired to move at the end of the day or after an event, he'll sit and gently wash your makeup from your face while your falling asleep
during the races that happen in colder countries, your often caught on camera pulling carlos close to hug him in order to warm up
your also often caught on camera walking through the paddock together with carlos's hand tucked into the back pocket of your jeans if you happen to be wearing them
and then one of your favorite things about your relationship was taking baths with carlos after a long day, feeling his body pressing against your own just brought you a sense of comfort and peace
dates [of sorts];
one of your favorite dates or even just times that you spend together is having pancake wars; where you two always try to one up eachother with your pancake recipes
whenever you guys go out for dinner, carlos always makes sure to give you the first bite of his food just in case you want to switch meals like you sometimes did
you would also often bring him lunch and end half the time end up staying so that you could eat together
he'll also sit and read you poetry late at night from your favorite poetry books
whenever you guys stay home and have date night in, carlos will often hover over your shoulder and wait to taste test the meal your cooking
then there are the museum dates you guys go on, art museums in particular have always been a part of your love for italian and spanish culture, a fan once took a photo of you and carlos in a museum where he was holding you up so that you could take photos of some of your favorite works of art
and finally and personally carlos's favorite was whenever you two went out for gelato, carlos loved the stuff and you loved taking photos of him
the little things;
just a list of all the little things that you and carlos do slash remember about eachother
your carlos's lock screen and he's yours
he wears your hair ties on his wrist and carries period products in his travel bag just in case you need them in an emergency
he always messages you when your filming to make sure that you've been eating and drinking
the two of you know eachothers routines off by heart, like when he comes home from a morning run, you'll have the shower running and waiting for him
you have a love of classic literature and you often come home to find that he's deep cleaned your bookshelves
you take care of him when he's sick
he'd been whimpering and complaining of a sore throat all day, after a while you'd had enough so you decided to call his mother and ask what she once did when he was sick as a child, when you brought carlos a mug of manzanilla or homemade chamomile tea explaining you'd gotten the recipe from his mother, carlos knew right then and there that he was going to marry you
he once gifted you a stuffed bear and a bottle of his cologne for your birthday so that you had something to cuddle when he was gone and the cologne was for when you missed his smell.. he had to comfort you when you started crying
he loves knowing that you wear his shirts to bed, reminds him that your his
and finally with all the button ups that carlos wears, you often find yourself sewing buttons back onto them, carlos once found you on the couch furiously sewing buttons back onto around ten or so shirts that you'd discovered while doing the washing
no one touches the hair except for you;
when your bored, you often end up begging carlos to let you braid his hair... it's always a yes because ever since childhood, he could never say no to you
you also love to laugh at how messy and fluffed up his hair gets in the morning, the first time you'd seen it you burst out laughing which caused him to blush
down and dirty;
while not going to into detail, here's a list of some of the things you and carlos do in bed
carlos loves eating you out, as mentioned beforehand when discussing his love for giving you thigh kisses
another obvious one was the fact that carlos loved having his pulled during sex
then there's the guided grinding, where his hands gripped at your hips while grinding you down against him
carlos's favorite position to take you in is doggy and no, i personally think there's no explanation needed
carlos has a thing for choking too, you in fact introduced him to it
and finally while it not's something you explore very regularly, you also share a spitting kink
the wedding;
it's been described by friends and family as the most beautiful wedding they'd ever attended, there are photos in the wedding album of you and carlos shoving cake in eachothers faces and instead of a three course meal, you both served pizza at your wedding instead
nicknames;
your nicknames for carlos include; mi sol [my sun] mi vida [my life] papi and mi amor [my love]
carlos called you his wife all the time, including long before you two were married
his nicknames for you include; my wife, mi vida, mi amor and corazón [heart]
aesthetic playlist;
a list of songs that describe you, carlos and your relationship
young and beautiful by lana del ray
boyfriend by ariana grande ft social house
just friends by why don't we
we can't be friends [wait for your love] by ariana grande
never be the same by camila cabello
lay all your love on me by abba
senorita by shawn mendes ft camila cabello
older by isabel larosa
money money money by abba
too sweet by hozier
everything has changed by taylor swift ft ed sheeran [taylor's version]
teenager in love by madison beer
me gustas tu by manu chao
more songs like this can be found on their official playlist
and finally;
this is just how i picture you'd reveal your relationship to the public
movies.with.y/n
movies.with.y/n; my heart always knew it'd be you @ carlossainz55
#formula one#formula 1#formula one fanfiction#carlos sainz smut#carlos sainz x reader#carlos sainz smau#carlos sainz jr x reader#f1 x reader#f1 social media au#f1 fanfiction#f1 x you
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my apology letter
PAIRING ↬ boyfriend!zhong chenle x fem!reader
TAGS ↬ heavy angst. some fluff. no happy ending this is a breakup fic you have been warned
SUMMARY ↬ Chenle always thought that love truly wins all. Your relationship with him was filled with joy and connection. But lately, cracks have begun form. Between small misunderstandings, unspoken frustrations, and the growing sense that he’s not enough for you, Chenle begins to doubt his theory. Is love enough to bridge the gaps between you or is letting go the ultimate act of love?
WORD COUNT ↬ 3.0k+
AUTHOR’S NOTE ↬ i'm sorry in advance !!!! not really. suffer. happy birthday chenle. i hate (love) you so. very. very. much. title and fic based on my apology letter by kim yeon woo!
PLAYLIST ↬ my apology letter - kim yeon woo, who - lauv (feat. bts), lie with you - ten, line without a hook - ricky montgomery, the scientist - coldplay
CHENLE SITS DOWN, AND BEGINS WRITING HIS LETTER.
He’s lost track of how many times he’s sat in this exact seat. It used to be different. So different. At first it was nice. You were beautiful in every way possible. Kind, patient, and thoughtful. You always made him feel like the most important person in the world, even while surrounded by others. This table was a place of warmth, laughter, and love. Now the mood was only as tense as ever.
He takes a deep breath, letting his thoughts consume him as he begins to write.
I miss your laugh. I miss making you laugh. I miss that joyous echo of good times I could feel around the apartment, and I swear to god it was my favorite sound ever. I miss that. I miss us.
He remembers how the mornings would go. You’d both sit at the table, sharing a simple warm breakfast that you or him had prepared. All that really seemed to matter was the two of you in that moment of time.
He looked at you, the sunlight reflecting off of your face. You were always smiling at your phone, lips quirking as your fingers began typing. You placed your phone against your chest after hitting send, waiting for him to react.
As Chenle was absentmindedly scrolling through the news, he noticed a notification pop up on his screen.
My Love: “You okay? You’ve been quiet today.”
Quiet, huh? You always enjoyed texting him to get his attention. Thought it was funny. He looked up to see you smiling at him with a concerned expression. Not wanting you to worry too much Chenle smiled and shook his head, but did not say anything else.
The two of you continued eating in silence.
Chenle sets down the pen, this burden in his chest growing heavier. Where did it all go wrong with you two?
The two of you used to be inseparable. Days consisted of stolen glances, shared jokes, silly photos and videos, small moments that brought this intimacy together. Now, you barely interact with each other, barely talk to each other. His mind drifts to details of last night.
You sat on the floor, folding the laundry in front of the TV. Your movements were slow and graceful, thoughtfully folding every article of clothing. Chenle sat on the couch behind you, staring mindlessly at the TV, playing some show he couldn’t care less about. He didn’t look at you, you didn’t look at him.
The silence was tense and deafening, yet neither of you made moves to break it.
Chenle picks up the pen again with a stronger grip.
I don’t know how we got here. I don’t know how to fix it. Actually, that’s a lie. I do. But maybe I’m not cut out for that. I know I’m losing you, and it feels like I’m losing myself too.
Chenle’s mind drifts to a day where everything seemed perfect, but always something tugging at the back of his mind.
The amusement park date. Your laughter was vibrant and warm, eyes sparked with determination as you tossed beanbags, threw balls at cans, aimed darts, always determined to best him. The two of you definitely had a competitive streak, but Chenle always made the sacrifice for you. You ended up winning a small stuffed dolphin, holding it high above your head like a trophy.
Chenle mock pouted, and laughed, “Guess I’ll stick to basketball.” He pulled you into his arms, the dolphin nearly squished between you as he pecked your cheek, while the two of you broke out into fits of giggles.
But even in the moment of happiness and joy, there was still something eating at him from inside.
Chenle grips his pen tighter as he recalls those fleeting moments of joy, moments that now feel bittersweet. He lets the ink flow on the paper again, writing some more.
I think about how happy we’ve been, and yet there’s always this weight, this worry I can’t stop thinking about. Even in our brightest moments, something felt... off. It’s not because of you, but because of me. It's slowly destroying me.
Later that evening, the two of you had dinner at your favorite restaurant. Chenle thinks about the way your face lit up when the waiter placed your meal in front of you. He could never get over these small things that you did that make his heart feel giddy as well.
You slipped out your phone and took a photo of the meal, sending it to him with a caption to the photo.
My Love: [Photo Attached]
My Love: "We should make this at home sometime! You’re practically a chef. 😊"
Chenle chuckled, replying out loud, “Only if you clean it up afterwards.”
You smirked and rolled your eyes, ignoring him as you dove into your meal. For a while, everything felt easy, like it used to.
But then you got home.
It started with something small. Just a simple misunderstanding about weekend plans. Chenle couldn’t even remember the exact details now, only how frustrated he felt when his words seemed to fall short. He’d tried to explain, stumbling over his thoughts, but the look on your face never changed. You remained calm, patient, nodding along as if you understood every word.
You always did that—nodded and smiled. But had you really understood him?
Chenle sets the pen down again, and stares at the words he just wrote on the page.
"You always tried to meet me where I was, even when I couldn’t meet you halfway. I see that now. And I hate that I didn’t see it sooner."
He swallows hard, glancing toward the bedroom door. The stuffed dolphin you won that day lay peacefully tucked away in the closet. It reminds you of the time when things were simpler, or maybe just felt that way.
He stares at the words, hoping they’ll somehow fix what’s broken. But words alone aren’t enough.
They never have been.
Chenle’s been so lost in his memories and thoughts that he hasn’t noticed how much time has passed. He lifts his head and sees you standing in the kitchen. You’ve been here the whole time.
Preparing a lunch for the two of you, you move quietly, chopping the vegetables and stirring a pot on the stove. He barely hears your movements, soft and careful. He wonders if you feel the tension between you two as acutely as he does.
And for that moment, he just watches you. Your posture is relaxed, your head tilted slightly as if you’re caught in your own world. You seem so at peace, and it breaks him.
Chenle wants to reach out to you. To stop this moment from becoming what he knows it has to be. He wants to take your hand, to hold on to you just a little longer. But he knows that’s selfish. This cannot wait.
He swallows hard, his throat tightening as he tears his gaze away from you. His hands clenched into fists on the table, fingers trembling slightly. This is it.
Taking a deep breath, Chenle forces himself to speak. His voice is low, almost breaking, the words that come out of his mouth are barely audible.
“Y/N, let’s break up.”
Chenle had been distant lately, but you didn’t press him. He always had this quiet side to him, and you figured he’d come around when he was ready. You trusted him.
Lunch was extra special today. You were making tteok-bokki—Chenle’s favorite. It wasn’t a particularly hard dish, but he appreciated the effort you put in for it. You focused on the ingredients, the soft sizzle of the stove and the aroma that filled the kitchen. Smells like these made everything feel brighter.
You lost yourself in the rhythm of cooking, chopping vegetables and stirring the sauce until it thickened just right. He had taught you how to make the dish originally, cooking it to perfection until you got it just the way he liked it.
You glanced over your shoulder at him briefly. He was at the dining table, hunched over something. A notebook? His phone? You couldn’t tell. He didn’t look up.
It wasn’t like him to be so withdrawn. He’d always try—he’d send funny memes or silly videos to make you smile. Lately, though, his texts had seemed less and less. You told yourself he was just busy, and would make time as usual to make it up to you.
When the food was nearly ready, you began washing the dishes in the sink, suddenly remembering something you’d been meaning to ask. You turned around, leaning slightly on the counter, and smiled.
“Chenle,” you said, your voice soft but clear. “Take off early for work today and let’s go out to eat dinner together, alright?”
Your hands begin to move, signing something quickly as you mouthed the words out, the gestures being full of emotion to convey your thoughts and feelings. It was your way of making sure he understood. He didn’t know a lot of sign language, but he always made the effort to try and guess.
He initially looked at you with a serious face, his lips in a tight thin line. His eyes were conflicted. Why he looked so pained for some reason, you had no idea. But as soon as you started signing his lips curved into a smile once more, a familiar smile that you loved looking at all day long.
Eventually after no reaction, Chenle seemed to process your words and nodded his head. He held his hand up in a ‘ok’ position to ensure that he had understood and got the memo.
Pleased with his response, you turned back around and finished up your task in the kitchen.
Chenle had asked you to prepare him lunch. You suggested his favorite. He needed this moment to himself, to let the words leave his mouth and test the weight of them in the air.
“Let’s break up,” he had whispered while your back was turned. The words had tasted bitter, like ash on his tongue, their weight heavier than he could have anticipated.
But you hadn’t heard him.
You’d been deaf since the moment he met you. He could still remember your first conversation. It was brief and awkward, with you typing out sentences on your phone and holding the screen in front of him. He’d smiled at how patient you were. A patience you still had today. From that moment, he was hooked.
Yet now, after all this time, he hated himself for how little he’d tried to understand you better.
Chenle leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. The guilt felt like a heavy weight, weighing his shoulders down.
He loved you. God, he loved you so much. But it wasn’t enough. Love alone wasn’t enough to bridge the gap of happiness between the two of you.
He thought about all the times you had signed something to him, your gestures full of emotion, but he could only guess their meaning. You never scolded him for not understanding, never grew angry when he needed you to repeat yourself or resort to texting instead. You were always kind and understanding. Patient and calm.
But you shouldn’t have to be patient. You shouldn’t have to wait for him to change. You shouldn’t have to wait this long.
He had taken advantage of your patience, convincing himself that things would work out eventually. He would catch on quickly. Or so he thought.
He had barely scratched the surface of learning sign language, and didn’t put in as much effort as he should’ve.
He wasn’t enough for her. His mind flooded with these thoughts and revelations. These words were sharp and seemed to pierce his heart, filling him with immense pain.
The gap between his hearing and your not hearing had grown too large, too large to ignore. At first, he had thought together you could leap over it, that your love would be enough. But he was wrong.
You deserved someone who would dive into that gap and build a bridge, piece by piece, brick by brick. Someone who would work to understand every gesture, every look you made, every unspoken word.
He wasn’t that person. He would never be that person.
Chenle glanced at the letter on the table, the words he had written laid out before his own eyes. He wanted to say goodbye, but he couldn’t find a way to do it face to face. Not properly. Not without him breaking down.
Maybe he wasn’t strong enough to say the words. Call him a coward. He couldn’t face you. He couldn’t even say he wanted to break up with you outright. Yet he wasn’t brave enough to stay and keep letting you down.
He heard you call his name again, your voice soft and light, the way you always spoke just for him. Your hands moved as you spoke, signing the words with ease, your face glowing after looking at him.
And in that moment, he realized: no matter who he met in the future, he would never love anyone the way he loved you.
But that love wasn’t enough.
The apartment felt emptier than ever when you walked in one day after work.
You’d noticed the change the moment you opened the door: the subtle shift in the air, the absence of his shoes by the entrance, the way the quiet seemed louder than usual, some space seemed emptier than you remembered. Your chest tightened as you stepped further inside looking around the living room.
That’s when you saw it.
A neatly folded envelope sat on the table, your name written on it in Chenle’s familiar handwriting. Beside it, the small dolphin you’d won at the amusement park laid out next to the letter on the table, its glossy black eyes staring back up at you.
You took a deep breath and swallowed, your hands trembling as you picked up the envelope. You didn’t open it right away. Instead, you stood there, staring at the letter, trying to steady your breathing for a bit. You knew this was coming. You tried to ignore the signs, but you were correct.
When you finally sat down, it was in the same chair Chenle always used. You never sat in it, since it always seemed like his spot. The cushion still felt warm somehow, as though he had been there just moments ago. You placed the envelope on the table in front of you, staring at it for what felt like an eternity before you finally gathered enough courage to open it.
The letter was written in his careful handwriting, each word deliberate, each line heavy with emotion. As you began to read, tears blurred your vision.
My dearest Y/N,
By the time you’re reading this, I’ll be gone. I know you probably saw it coming—I’ve been distant for a while now. And I know you deserve more than this. A goodbye in words rather than on a page. But this is the only way I could say everything I need to.
From the moment I met you, you were the brightest part of my life. You lit up every room you walked into. You taught me so much about patience, about kindness, about love.
And I failed you.
Things have been different, haven’t you noticed? I miss your laugh. I miss making you laugh. I miss that joyous echo of good times I could feel around the apartment, and I swear to god it was my favorite sound ever. I miss that. I miss us.
I don’t know how we got here. I don’t know how to fix it. Actually, that’s a lie. I do. But maybe I’m not cut out for that. I know I’m losing you, and it feels like I’m losing myself too.
I’ve tried to convince myself that our love would be enough to bridge the gap between us, that I could make up for my shortcomings. But the truth is, I haven’t. I’ve barely tried to learn about you and your world. You’ve carried so much of the burden, of the weight of our relationship, and I just let you.
You deserve someone who won’t let you do that. Someone who will learn every gesture, every sign there is in the vocabulary of sign language, who will work tirelessly to meet you where you are.
That someone isn’t me.
I hate myself for not being enough for you. I hate that I couldn’t give you what you deserve. And I hate that my love for you isn’t enough to fix this.
You always tried to meet me where I was, even when I couldn’t meet you halfway. I see that now. And I hate that I didn’t see it sooner.
I think about how happy we’ve been, and yet there’s always this weight, this worry I can’t stop thinking about. Even in our brightest moments, something felt... off. It’s not because of you, but because of me. It's slowly destroying me.
I hope that someday, you find someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Someone who will put in the effort I didn’t, someone who will never let you feel alone.
I’ll never stop loving you, Y/N. I just hope that letting you go gives you the chance to find the happiness I couldn’t give you.
I’m so sorry.
- Chenle
Your hands trembled, shaking the letter slightly, your tears dripping onto the paper and smudging the ink. You pressed your lips together, trying to stifle the sobs threatening to escape, but it was no use.
The dolphin on the table stared back at you as if it held all the memories you’d shared—the laughter, the quiet moments, the love.
You folded the letter carefully, placing it back in the envelope as your tears continued to fall. Sitting there in the silence, you felt the weight of his absence settle around you.
And yet, even through the pain, you couldn’t bring yourself to blame him.
Because you understood. And that hurt the most.
TAGLIST ↬ @lyvhie @aquaphoenixz @galacticnct @ldh0000 @polarisjisung @peterm4rker @sleepyvic @chenlesfavorite (u too pookie)
#nct#nct dream#nct 127#nct scenarios#nct x reader#nct imagines#nct dream fic#nct fic#chenle x reader#chenle scenarios#nct chenle#chenle#zhong chenle fic#zhong chenle x reader#chenle nct#chenle imagine#nct u#nct fics#nct dream reactions#nct dream fanfic#nct hard hours#nct fanfic#nct dream hard hours#zhong chenle#zhong chenle imagines#zhong chenle hard hours#nct dream imagine#chenle angst#nct angst#nct dream angst
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Mail time. Theo clearly isn't the best candidate to lecture people on "good manners" but that's not going to stop him.
Also using this as a header for more LORE RAMBLES: THEO EDITION, because again I have more interesting asks about Theo than I can answer with drawings -- so REAMS OF WORDS it is!
Questions and answers under the cut...
Well, Theo isn’t terribly fond of the guy. He’s never met him, of course, but from his research into Old Kingdom history, he thinks of Ambroys as a conceited, shallow, disloyal, cowardly liar – and he’s not exactly wrong, ha.
If they met in the past, when Ambroys was his cocky, younger self, I think Ambroys would take advantage of Theo’s poor social skills and unpopularity by bullying him for some cheap points with other people who would find amusement in that. Ambroys wouldn’t have much use for him otherwise. Theo would spend far more time seething about Ambroys and plans for his revenge on that POMPOUS POPINJAY than Ambroys would spend thinking about Theo at all.
If they met in modern times – well that’s something we’ll address eventually, but Theo and Ambroys would not get along much better. Present-day Ambroys does not like mages one bit. Also, he is quite used to being literally worshipped. A little hater like Theo would not be looked upon kindly.
Thank you!! Now you too are present in a lore dump!
Theo is indeed a fan of the performing arts, and art in general (though he is, predictably, very particular in his tastes). Opera and such was performed during Ambroys’ time, and much of it was likely lost during the apocalyptic era between the time of the Old Kingdoms and the modern day, but I imagine some scant examples of the genre (and traditional plays by the likes of Furry Shakespeare, because Shakespeare is one of those people who just exists in every universe no matter how bizarre) would still survive into the Theo’s time.
Theo’s hometown of Northcrest would be too small and rural to have a real theatre, so experiencing “proper” performances would be rare treats for him, when he followed his mother on business excursions to the rich districts of Ironfrost. I love that you picked up on the fact that he would want his own private box, haha. He wants to observe, not be observed!
You’re right that musicals would probably still be in their vaudeville and burlesque era, and Theo would find them to be distasteful, vulgar pap suited only for the soft, feeble minds of the unwashed masses, not a refined intellectual like himself. (Which is funny because I think a real-world modern-day Theo would like musicals because in some ways, he is a theater kid without the charisma or confidence to actually perform.) While his mother did not enjoy theatre to the same extent he did (her tastes were more in feats of choreographry and human/anthro excellence like ballet), they would bitch about the decline of society together if they saw a poster for one of those terrible, gaudy cabaret catastrophes. In general, Theo hates anything modern and likes anything old-fashioned, and that shifts according to the decade he lives in. An Amaranthine Theo would hate swing music, but a real-world modern-day Theo would like it. Embarrassing!
Also, he will memorize and quote his favorite soliloquies at people for the faintest of reasons. Don’t test him.
No, I don’t think Hyden has strong enough arms or a sturdy enough back to lift an entire person, even one as little as Theo. Hyden might be large but he’s not as powerful as his height and bulk make him look. I think even Theo is more physically adept than Hyden is (and that’s not saying much).
Also, while he would learn to tolerate it from someone like Hyden (in the same way your cat might begrudgingly tolerate you grabbing their little feet), Theo does not like being picked up by people. I can speak from experience than when you’re a short person, people love to pick you up randomly to establish dominance and it’s not a very dignified experience. Theo has a hard enough time being taken seriously even without being lugged about like a wheezing sack of flour.
Theo would be the first to inform you he is not the person to consult on romantic matters. At the same time, he would still give his advice: stop being a fatuous little fool and turn your efforts to matters of greater importance, like work or supporting your family or collecting every edition of your favorite encyclopedia or hitting your head against a wall. All would be better ways to spend your energy.
(I think you’re alluding to a person with a crush on him – God knows why such a person would exist in his universe – asking him for romantic advice, but I feel compelled to specify that the message he’d give a man seeking instructions on how to deal with a lady would be akin to “GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HER”)
(Or maybe you mean someone Theo has a crush on? Well, the answer would be the same. Theo isn't duplicitous enough or proud enough to try to swindle someone towards viewing him as a romantic prospect. But he sure wouldn't suggest they get with someone else. NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO BE IN LOVE. STOP IT, HE SAYS.)
Yes, those are self-inflicted injuries. He’s had a compulsion to bite and scratch himself ever since he was a kid. Sometimes as a punishment, sometimes as a ritual to quell distressing thoughts, sometimes out of the need to replace distressing sensations and events that are out of his control with one that is in his control, no matter how painful.
He does not particularly value his body nor its integrity. However, he is aware the scars are alarming, and finds them somewhat embarrassing reminders of his flaws in self-regulation. He deals with both the sight of the scars and the urge to harm by wearing his gloves, which is something he started doing in his late teens – they cover the marks and help redirect him by replacing the sensation of flesh with fabric when he goes to bite down.
On your question about Theo’s body-image: no, he does not care for how he looks. He likes that his eyes are grey (like mother’s) and that his fur is monochrome (like mother’s), and if pressed he might say the eyebrows aren’t bad, except for the parts where he’s pulled the hair out of them, but that’s it. He hates that he’s not just short but dwarfish, he does not like his heavy-set build, he would not choose to be born a rat, he despises his face, his teeth repulse him, he at least can make peace with the fact that he can’t grow facial hair because he’d never want a mustache like his father’s but it’s still somewhat emasculating, and on and on and on with the insecurities. He definitely feels physically inferior to other males. Your average man is not only much, much taller than him (and the world is cruel to a short king), but stronger and more classically virile as well. But he makes the best of that by dismissing those physical qualities as consolation prizes afforded to males who are obviously inferior to him intellectually, morally, and spiritually. He doesn’t care for brutes, but he doesn’t highly value machismo anyway… He thinks of himself as a gentleman whose best qualities reside in his mind and actions. A man who is reedy and petite but smarter or more charismatic than him is much more threatening to his ego than the bulkiest bruiser. (However, he will still try to fight both for dominance, either physically or verbally, and probably lose.)
Theo is highly offended and disgusted by nudity, both other’s and his own. Even states of mild undress are distressing to him, hence why he looks away when buttoning Hyden’s shirt. He’s willing to stomach some discomfort when it comes to helping a loved one, but only if it’s strictly necessary. He would pointedly not look and scold someone, even someone he was more comfortable with, if they were “too underdressed,” and freak out if they came into his vicinity in the nude. I think it would take years of gradual desensitization to lessen his negative reactions to nudity. It’s not just him being fussy, it borders on a phobia.
(Haha this shows how long I sit on asks before I get around to answering them SORRY...!!!!)
I don’t talk about it a lot because while the character’s sexual orientations do inform their lives and development, romance and sex are not usually at the top of my priority list when it comes to my stories… but I’ve alluded and mentioned directly that Theo is “canonically” bisexual (always feels weird to say “canon” about my imaginary friends, ha). But he is in denial/in the closet about it. Of course, he wouldn’t be aware of the concept of “bisexuality”, nor would that exact label exist in his world, so it’s not like he would identify that way even if he wasn’t repressing hardcore.
He is revolted by sex and intimacy, but that’s more due to his psychological baggage, his perception of his parent’s relationship and his cultural mores than something necessarily inborn or inherent to him.
(Hyden is actually Also Straight, possibly even straighter than Ambroys if we’re measuring by “creator’s admittance that character may be bi-curious one day.” I have a track record.)
Only if it’s karmic in some way, involving a person or persons he’s already predisposed to hating. Granted, dying of one’s own stupidity would be a form of justice in his eyes, but there’s limitations to that. Hearing about, say, an incident like Nutty Putty cave would not be amusing even though he would argue it’s the cave explorer’s “own fault” for going in there because it was such a gruesome and prolonged end, far outweighing the punishment Theo would find fair for such hubris. Of course, if the same cave explorer bullied him in prep school, then yes, it would be hilarious.
I don’t have a character named Herbert, so I am assuming you mean Theo here, from context. :’D
I’d like to draw Theo practicing his fencing some day! It’s on The List along with, er, fifty other drawings, ha. There’s just so much I need to make and so little time…
But besides that, Theo is not a particularly sporty guy. He doesn’t tend to enjoy competitive sports, either participating or watching. Physically he’s just not suited to them, and his schoolboy days did not endear him to them.
He does enjoy taking walks and admiring picturesque landscapes. He also hunted with his mother. One of the duties of the Norths is (or was, before he started shirking all his duties to focus entirely on his madness quest) to eliminate monstrous predators lurking on the outskirts of their territory before they could terrorize the mundane locals. Mages can sense magic, and thus are more capable of tracking down and felling corrupt magical beasts than your average person. Also, sometimes one wants a pheasant for dinner on special occasions. So, he grew up learning to hunt, and he’s decent with a rifle. He doesn’t go out to do much anymore, though. His mother’s death and subsequent self-imposed isolation exacerbated his already present issues with social phobia and paranoia, so he doesn’t feel safe outside his house. Someone could see him out there, and Something could happen. (He isn’t sure what exactly, but surely nothing good.)
During the course of Amaranthine’s story he is, of course, forced to go outside again and travel, so he’ll rediscover his hobby of killing animals again. …Good for him. I suppose.
(This is in reference to the tags I put on my post of Theo's romance meme: #ok one piece of commentary: brain problems + highly repressed upbringing = where i put theo on the kinky slider. it had to be there #you should think less '50 shades' and more '50 year old guys waxing poetic about quicksand scenes in old adventure films' for that one #he's not a quicksand guy. but that's the vibe.)
Hahaha, I appreciate your curiosity, but I’m not sure if it’s a terrific idea to share Theo’s “quicksand” equivalents. Alas, I don’t want to encourage the perception that my characters exist to be romantic or sexual wish-fulfillment, instead of the dysfunctional little narrative fidget toys they are, by going too in-depth too often on their hypothetical sex lives. Also, I get my (un)fair share of fetish-mining asks, and if I mention certain kinks, the senders of those asks might think they can wheedle that kind of smut art from me, which… is not the case, even if I did like the things Theo is partial to. Frankly, I don’t have time to draw smut art when I have so many comics of my characters angsting at each other that I ought to be drawing instead!!!
Anyway, complaining over. But I do know what Theo’s “interests” are, and don’t worry, they are suitably cringe. I find amusement in giving embarrassing proclivities to all my favorite characters, even if it will never come up in their stories. It keeps them humble.
The Theo befriending scenarios are becoming more elaborate…!
Magic can’t really do that in Amaranthine (it’s more limited than a lot of people think)! But even if you could, I think Theo might realize something was off eventually. Granted, he is blind to a lot of manipulation when he trusts someone, and for his own stupid reasons he trusts Hyden, so that alone would provide cover for some time. Being nice to him in Hyden’s guise might even fulfill some boyhood dreams of his, so that helps too. Still, I don’t think anyone but Hyden could manage to act like Hyden forever.
Theo abhors liars, manipulators, and traitors (I know, this is very funny considering I just talked about how Theo likes Hyden – again, Theo is not a great judge of character). While he would be mortified at his own gullibility, it’s not like he’d spare you any judgment for being the one to take advantage of his hospitality in the first place.
So, in attempting to befriend him, you would have 1) caused harm to someone he has charged himself with protecting by kidnapping Hyden, 2) committed the sin of deceiving him and 3) wounded his ego by exposing a huge vulnerability in his psychological armor. These are not crimes he is likely to excuse. Among Theo’s many faults are his capacity for spite and appetite for disproportionate vengeance. In other words, he would want to hurt you very, very badly.
Anyway, in summation, this is not a great way to try and win Theo’s affection. If befriending something hostile is what you’re after, I’d recommend purchasing a pet cobra or something, it would be more rewarding and less difficult to manage.
Ooh, this is another one of those “it depends” sort of questions… an Amaranthine Theo is completely unsuited for parenthood because he is just totally off his rocker and devoted to an impossible, nature-impugning, corruptive madness quest, so there’s not really much space left in his brain for any of the tasks involved in parenting.
Also, how well and in what way he would approach parenting would depend on if he has a partner and who they are, if the kid is biological (and therefore an extension of the North line) or adopted (and therefore might be spared some of those expectations), and what the kid or kids are like.
But, I’ll try to speak generally. He does put an importance on family so he would not be neglectful. In fact, I think he’d tend towards being smothering, way too over-protective. He would have high expectations for their academic career (despite flopping in his own) and would be upset if his children didn’t share his interest in intellectual pursuits. He lacks a lot of knowledge about life, and so he wouldn’t be able to pass that on to his children, despite desiring that they be self-sufficient and capable. He would try and keep them from being romantically involved until they could marry, which he wouldn’t think would be difficult considering how he himself is, but I think he would be disappointed and frustrated by the fact that most people (and therefore probably his kids) aren’t so averse to macking on other teenagers in their school days. His tendency towards being neurotic and temperamental would be an issue, and I think even if he tried to control his explosive tendencies around his children, they’d still pick up on it and be afraid of his moods. I think, with his immature development, he would have a lot of difficulty not descending to a teenager’s level of petty sniping if his teenage child did what teenagers do and started challenging him.
So… this is not painting a rosy picture. Don’t get me wrong, he’d try his best, and he would aim to be a good, supportive, and loving parent, but the man has issues. He wouldn’t be perfect. He might not even be good. He is Theo, after all.
Speaking of parenthood, let's get into some...
Family Matters
NO, they did not like each other. Their passive-aggression is as genuine as it is petty. They were the most divorced people to still technically be married.
Love was never in the cards for these two. The marriage was purely strategic, and all parties were aware of that. Leonard would have liked to have his wife love him, if only because it would be much more pleasant and convenient for him, but it wasn’t a requirement. He could seek love elsewhere if need be. He was always an opportunistic fellow that way.
Jo never held fondness for Leonard, either before or after their engagement. The marriage was at the behest of her father, and Jo had always put her duties to her family line above whatever selfish wants she might have had. She was willing to tolerate Leonard, which is about the best you could expect from her. However, he tried her patience too often to maintain even that level of camaraderie.
Leonard liked how Jo looked, and he liked the idea he had of her personality. Because Jo was deferential to her father, he assumed she would be similarly deferential to him. Hahaha. Not so. After her father passed, she inherited the Barony and thus, in her mind, the right to dictate the use of her family’s assets, the alliances she would forge with her noble connections, and the future of her estate. All her plans conflicted sharply with Leonard’s ideas of what he was going to do with the North’s influence, and he thought himself the keeper of their assets by patriarchal right. They clashed often and they both were too proud, power-hungry, and conniving to reconcile.
Leonard stayed because giving up the marriage would be giving up his avenue to social power. If he wanted to appear like he held the reins to potential allies and business connections, he had to stay in the manor, stay in Northcrest, and keep that ring on his finger. But he did take a very “I just live here” attitude to his home life. Jo stayed because her family’s long-held values maintained that it was her duty to do so, and to falter in her duties would be a permanent black stain on her good name. Also, it proved her superiority to the clearly weak-willed, dissolute Leonard, and that was an ego boost she wouldn’t pass up.
AHAHAH. THEO PEGGED FOR INBRED.
Yes, well, as you intuited, the Norths are one of those inbred noble families, like those you mentioned.
They’re a mage bloodline, and in the old days, mage nobility was a separate form of titled aristocracy from mundane nobility. Legitimate heirs had to have magical ability. If a mundane Viscount produced a mundane child, that was the end of the line of inheritance. Hence, noble mages in the Old Kingdoms only married other mages, to try to ensure their offspring could inherit their titles. While not all practiced inbreeding, it was a practice some families employed to try to “enhance” the magical ability and purity of their line, or just keep their wealth and power within their family (the Hyden family is another infamous example).
However, most magical lineages were wiped out during the fall of the Old Kingdoms, and those that survived were scattered to remote areas of the continent. Very few mages still exist, and the North family is one of the only lineages to survive “intact” to the modern day. They cling to their family’s history and their magical bloodline as their source of power and would never risk a union with a mundane. Like many other old traditions best left in the past, the Norths clung to the old ways, marrying within their line, inbreeding like an endangered species (which I suppose you could argue they were).
Of course, as the North’s numbers declined, the marriages shifted from pairing distant relatives to being cousin-cousin pairs. That level of consanguinity isn’t great for your offspring’s health or fertility, as it turns out, and further diminished their numbers (and options) until it came time for Jocosa to make their dying lineage limp along for another generation. By the time she was of age, there were no branches on the family tree left to harvest a husband from. Thus, the Norths needed to go further afield of the stagnant gene pool they’d been festering in.
Because of that, Theo is arguably a bit less inbred than previous generations of his family. The damage was already done, though. The fruits of the North’s unfortunate marriage practices have garnered them a deserved reputation for weak bodies, sick minds and dying young, and so far, Theo is two-for-three. We’ll see if he gets the triple.
Related to the above: if you haven’t realized already, the Norths are fucking freaks. Especially in the modern day of Amaranthine, caring about matching species in a marriage is seen as hyper-traditionalist, bizarre and absurdly impractical. But, well, the Norths are all those things. Jocosa’s parents were a stoat-stoat pair, their parents were stoat-stoat, and so on up the family tree, with maybe some rare exceptions where you might find a few polecats or minks scattered about in amongst the other long pointy-faced carnivores. Jocosa’s parents really would have preferred to have another mustelid marriage rather than wed their daughter to a rat.
But, that was a preference, and magical ability was a necessity. When Jocosa needed to marry, there were no other magical stoats, weasels, or even an otter for them to choose from.
That’s when an opportunistic young rat caught wind that there was a beautiful noble girl in need of a husband, just when he needed a rise in social station. Leonard was reasonably wealthy, and more importantly charming, quick-witted, and not afraid of lying his ass off to close a deal. He befriended Jocosa’s father and was able to delicately pick his way around or find loopholes in the Norths’ strict rules for marriage. Importantly for the Norths, Leonard had magical ability, albeit extremely weakly. You might say he was a sparkler while Jocosa was a flamethrower (in this analogy, in his prime, Hyden was an atomic bomb). Not ideal, but Leonard had enough magic to count as a mage for heir-producing purposes. Ultimately, Jocosa’s parents saw Leonard as the best option in a bad situation, rat or no. Preferable to dying out altogether, at least.
...
AND ON THAT, UH, HAPPY NOTE: thanks for reading and thank you all as always for sending questions about my little guy and being interested in him, even with all his slimy, weird, unpleasant foibles and flaws!
#my draws#theo#asks#lore dump#amaranthine#warning for a discussion of self-harming behavior in one response#and eyebrow-raising blue-blood inbreeding ala the hapsburgs (or the late queen or any royals really) in another#...this guy's got some stuff going on
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okay pookies!! I’m in a writers slump so I’m going to pop off some mini blurbs with Instagram links<3 because the words are not being written correctly for my wips [cries]🎀✨
Simon “Ghost” Riley
playing with his cat
admittedly, Simon is up at odd hours from bouts of insomnia. it doesn’t really bother him when his cat is up too, sitting in bed and flipping him around. it’s cute, more so funny when he flips his cat off and gets pounced on, not taking it seriously - one of the rare times he’ll let chuckle and crack a smile to himself
John Price:
pranking Price by telling him your tampon is stuck
John comes as soon as you call for him - what he wasn’t expecting was you telling him your tampons stuck. but John’s smart, he sees your phone in his peripheral and doesn’t say anything about it. he knows your pranking him, if it wasn’t obvious from your phone recording him and the way you giggle, well, “I know you’re cycle, love.”
driving around to see Christmas lights
John loves his dog, just a sweetheart. one thing his dog loves is seeing Christmas lights - John doesn’t really know why, but he’s more than happy to drive around so his puppy can see them all. it makes him chuckle seeing their tail wag, heater keeping the car nice and warm as they drive down a couple blocks
John “Soap” MacTavish:
bear hugging Johnny
you didn’t really know what Johnny was doing, you just knew you wanted to hug him. it’s out of the blue, catches him off guard in a way that has him asking if you’re okay - and you are. he doesn’t waste time, moving to scoop you up, hold you close and goof around. he had been organizing your books, just a little surprise
asking Recruiter!Johnny questions
Johnny didn’t want to be stuck recruiting people, but he somehow got picked to do it. what he wasn’t expecting was your question, “Are you hot?”. he wants to sputter out, try to be slick - respond with a, “Well, you can come find out.”, but he stops himself. he knows he’ll be telling the 141 about this, chest puffed up and a lopsided smile as he brags
showing off for the neighbors
Johnny is springy and flexible, his ass can dance. if you catch him while he’s on a jog he’ll flag you down and start flipping around. he’s a show off, it goes to his head how the neighborhood moms watch him. his show is for you, but he won’t turn down the ego boost he gets from others eyeing him up
“you know where the matter daddy is?”
Johnny’s a menace when it comes to the 141, calling Gaz for ‘help’. he can barely get the opener out without laughing, hitting the punchline takes a hot minute. Gaz can hear him sputtering on the other side, little bursts of laughter leaving him. it’s amazing that Gaz falls for the joke at all, Johnny laughing harder as he grips his phone
König:
playing with his cat
does König talk to his pretty kitty in German? of course he does, and he’ll goof around with them too. his favorite thing is pretend dialing on his cat’s toe beans. he’ll pretend to meow for his cat and voice the person ‘on the line’. totally straight faced, he takes business calls with his kitty very seriously
parenting his cat
sometimes being a parent is having human children, other times it’s cradling your baby kitty in your shirt while you make lunch. König is the latter, and he’ll always say how easy it is to be a parent. “Ja, she is a little thing. Here, I have photos—”, he carries printed photos of her in his wallet to show off, his favorite is of her swaddled in bed with her favorite blankie
walking his cat
König likes getting out, it’s natural for him. it gets a little lonely sometimes though… and boy is excited when he learns cat harnesses exist. weather permitting, he enjoys going on walks with his cat. sure, his kitty might wander into a bush here and there, but König will get them out before trailing down the block
#I need my mojo back#[blows up]#ghost#simon ghost riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost call of duty#ghost headcanons#price#john price#price cod#price call of duty#price headcanons#soap#john soap mactavish#john mactavish#soap cod#soap call of duty#soap headcanons#konig#könig#könig cod#könig call of duty#könig headcanons#cod#cod thoughts#call of duty#hit post#queued post
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-> L&DS Men as catboys ! x reader - Headcanons
⊹₊ ˚‧︵‿₊୨୧₊‿︵‧ ˚ ₊⊹. ฅ^.ᆺ.^ฅ
―୨୧⋆ ˚. Inspired from the current in-game event obviously, a bunch of headcanons imagining what it's like for you to leave everyday with them as catboys.
SFW, gn! Reader, very fluffy, cute and domestic, lots of comfort, just talking about what kind of cat they are, what personality they have, their habits and hobbies, their relationship with reader etc. Just a little CW for Sylus's part where I talk about dead animals and his sadistic tendencies, because it's Sylus after all.
ฅ≽^•⩊•^≼ฅ 𓆝 ✮彡🐾~ enter ! ~🐾✮彡 𓆞 ฅ^>⩊<^ฅ
XAVIER ᡣ𐭩
• Not much of a surprise if I tell you that catboy Xavier is the most chill and sleepy cat ever.
• He sleeps for around 12 to 15 hours a day, and 12 hours is really the minimum, otherwise he gets grumpy.
• I imagine him to be either a British shorthair or a Ragdoll. Probably more of a Ragdoll because of his blue eyes and how chill he is, but the roundness of a British shorthair also fits him in my opinion. You can carry a Ragdoll, lift it up, move it around and yet the cat stays very relaxed most of the time. I think Xavier is similar in that sense, he doesn't really budge no matter what you do. You can poke him, pet him, scratch him, cup his face, give him belly rubs, annoy him by breathing on his ears, yap for hours next to him and he has to listen to you, carry him around whatever you want, and he won't say much, he'll be as limp as a mop.
• Cat Xavier considers you as the only person with whom he feels fully comfortable. There's nobody else but you to make him feel safe enough to put his guard down and relinquish his wary personality.
• Therefore, for cat Xavier, as long as he can spend time next to you, safe and sound in the comfort of your warm mutual home and safe place, the rest does not matter much.
• So he is very easy-going with pretty much anything. However, as much as he is compliant and he never complains, that does not mean he won't hold a grudge against you for what you have done. Cat Xavier, just like any cat, has his limits, the only difference is that he is more tolerant with your bullshit than most cats.
• But he'll let you know when he is upset at you because you either went too far, you bothered him a little too much or he was missing you too much because you were away for too long. He's not very mean, he just gets very pouty and he sulks in his little corner, ignoring you for a while. (like 10 minutes lol) Sometimes he can gently tease with humour about you doing something wrong, but he'll always accept your apologies and he'll forgive you.
• Cat Xavier has a preference for the particularly warmest places of the house, which are sometimes a little strange. It goes from his little cushion/bed, to the pile of pillows and plushies, then to the closet with your clothes inside, literally on top of the freakin' radiator, inside the washing machine's drum, and finally ; and most importantly, your belly <3.
• Cat Xavier absolutely loves sleeping on your belly, or just sleeping on any body parts of yours in general, or even just laying there putting half of his weight on top of you for no reason other than appreciating the warmth of your body. In his daily life, it's very important for him to constantly have physical contact with you, it could be just a light brushing of his tail around your body, or a well-deserved pat on the head, a little rub on your arm or leg, or better : his very favorite scratches around his ears.
• He's not a loud cat at all, very quiet and rarely ever makes noise except for purring. The only downside is that sometimes when you call him and he doesn't answer because he is sleeping or quietly focused on his activity, then you have to search for him everywhere around the house, while imagining the worst case scenarios. It's very stressful.
• His favorite hobbies include napping, getting pets and scratches around his ears from you, playing video games and board games, reading, eating fried chicken, finding new napping spots around the house, cuddling on the couch with you, and bathing. He is definitely an only indoor cat, I believe. Rarely, he accepts going outside with you for a stroll at a calm park or to do some grocery shopping.
• Yes! Catboy Xavier likes bathing! He is one of those rare cats who actually appreciates being washed with warm water. He likes swimming in it too, as long as it's very warm.
• When it comes to what he doesn't like ; Xavier despises getting his claws trimmed, being cold and coming in contact with cold stuff, rain, you being away for multiple days, and being brushed.
• But you absolutely have to brush him or else your home would be covered with white fur everywhere. His fur is quite thick and fluffy and he sheds a lot. He knows that well, so he'll stay patient and won't complain, but deep inside he really wants to escape the brush.
• Cat Xavier is a very obedient cat, he can be just a bit reluctant to do certain things when he doesn't appreciate them or when he feels very lazy (just like anyone). But he won't be stubborn about it and eventually he'll give in.
• He is a little bit of a glutton, you have to hide away some food or else he'll eat almost everything and then he will have a stomach ache, whining about the consequences of his own actions. Secretly, he does try to steal some food from time to time by avoiding your surveillance and unfortunately for you, it works.
• Cat Xavier is not a mischievous cat tho, he doesn't play tricks or tries to mess things up, in fact he is so wise and well-behaved that he even learned to scratch his nails on nothing else but the cat tree you got him ; so your furniture was absolutely never damaged.
• Cat Xavier is usually a very lazy cat who doesn't push himself to hard when it comes to tasks. However, he does like to take care of your home and to partake in some little domestic activities alongside you, such as doing the laundry and changing the bedsheets after cleaning them ; even if he's not the most dutiful, he is willing to accomplish those things if it means making you proud of him.
• For example, a nice attention of his is to do little tasks around the house while you're not there or while you are resting, in hopes that you'll praise him or that you'll reward him later. Like watering the plants or picking up the trash.
• And that's it, don't expect him to do more than that. Catboy Xavier is too lazy to do something that requires too much effort, either mental or physical.
• Instead, what you can expect out of him everyday is his ability to monopolize the sofa and keep it warm by doing so. Reaching his arms to you with open hands, demanding a cuddle or a pet out of you, you don't know which exactly, but you just gotta approach him a little bit and you'll know soon enough when he'll lock you in his embrace and he'll nuzzle his face against you.
• Catboy Xavier looks up at you, with no words out of his mouth you can still identify this typical naive pleading look of his ; the one that says "please, give me your affection too".
• Basically, Xavier as a catboy is a very quiet, well-behaved, cuddly and clingy companion, who appreciates nothing more and nothing less, than the domesticity of indoor activities and the comforting warmth of your presence.
≽ܫ≼ ⋆˚🐾˖°
ZAYNE ᡣ𐭩
• Catboy Zayne is, as expected, a very calm pet and a good caretaker of your home, one who rarely ever complains and who does his work dutifully.
• Catboy Xavier is like a true perfect butler who takes care of everything. Or maybe more like a maide actually. He takes care of all the tasks around the house ; cleaning, sweeping, cooking, ironing, washing, folding, refreshing, repairing, doing the laundry, collecting the trash, making the bed etc. He takes care of your garden too, gets rid of the weeds, gives a cut to your plants after watering them. He also manages your paperwork and your schedule (such as your taxes). And of course he takes care of you and your health, helping you relax when you need to, advising you proper medication and sometimes provides a massage as a supplement. He's basically an excellent handyman, the perfect man you could imagine, always ready to be at your service, and not because he is forced to but because he genuinely believes it is his obligation. Catboy Zayne loves to take care of everything for you; for him it is a synonym of taking care of you too.
• Therefore, it's very comforting to live alongside him when all the sheets and clothes smell fresh and clean, every room is perfectly dusted and neatly organized, the flowers are beautiful and lively, the meals are delicious and nutritious, and a cat is there to greet you every morning when you wake up and every night when you come back home.
• Although, what you don't know, is that housework isn't only the way for him to take care of you, it is also his way to indulge in his obsession with you. Cat Zayne is obsessed with your scent and he loves holding on to everything that belongs to you ; so much so that doing housework becomes a pretense for him to indulge in his guilty pleasure.
• Every time he grasps in his hands an object you own, he feels content with the idea that he is sharing it with you, that everything which is yours is now also his, that everything you have touched is linked to him when he touches them. Sometimes he even keeps a few insignificant trinkets that he puts in a little box, dedicated to your items. Every time he is folding your clothes, he inhales a few of them, feeling satisfied with how good his owner smells. He previously questioned himself if what he was doing was perverted and wrong, but he estimated that it was not since he has no sexual interest in it. And it might be a little dirty and weird, but truly, he is just merely enjoying your scent because he loves you and misses you so much while he works, nothing more and nothing less.
• As you would expect he never ever tells you about all of this, and somehow you never really notice his strange behavior. He isn't ashamed of the passion he has for you, but he is a little scared you might take your distance with him after knowing about it while he kept it as a secret for so long. Moreover, he is terrified that you'll consider him a bad and unruly pet.
• His slight obsessiveness also translates into him watching over you constantly when you don't notice it, particularly when you have your back turned away from him. Cat Zayne is constantly surveiling you and that is also his own way of taking care of you ; he could be behind the corner of your bedroom's door without you knowing and looking at you discreetly because he doesn't want to disturb you, he could be looking at you through the window while you enjoy some time in the garden, or he could be silently watching over you when you are working, passing behind you multiple times to observe what you do with curiosity and to admire your figure. It might seem really creepy but it isn't (please believe me). Catboy Zayne observes you a lot but not in a controlling manner, it's more of a constant admiration and curiosity towards you. Think of those cats who follow you when you go to the toilets for example, it is strange but it's usually out of care and appreciation. Similarly, cat Zayne appreciates watching you from afar, because he knows most of the time he's too busy and shy to get closer to you.
• He watches you so often, that he developed a certain skill to know in advance what you are going to do and what you are going to say sometimes. For example, he is quick to catch a glass or a mug you accidentally knocked, based on your position and his prediction of your next movements, as you angrily tell him what your boss did today. Or he warns you when you are about to bump your head onto the door-frame as he puts his hand over it. Or he can also complete some of your sentences when you converse with him.
• In general, cat Zayne is very quick to react and possesses good reflexes. Probably the most skilled out of all the catboys.
• In all logic, he is also very meticulous, which goes along with his responsibilities and his carefulness around you.
• Catboy Zayne has a certain degree of obsession with order and perfection ; if your home would be a mess, he would never forgive himself, as he considers it his duty to take care of the safe and harmonious place for your well-being.
• You tend to worry about his own well-being when you witness him working so much, so you try to help him to relieve him of his workload. Zayne appreciates the gesture, but he still insists on putting you aside so that you can let him take the matters in his hands.
• Instead, you suggest him to take some time off more often, and encourage him to develop his hobbies in his free-time.
• Catboy Zayne rarely allows himself to take breaks, but with time he does start to develop certain hobbies (outside of the obsessive ones), supported by the enthusiasm of your encouragement. As a result, he started to read more often, to play chess, to play with a few feathery toys you bought him, to listen to music, to run outside, to contemplate the birds and the shining sun by the window, and most importantly, he takes advantage of this precious time to stay glued to you.
• As much as he is shy and discreet around you, catboy Zayne is most definitely a very cuddly cat who loves being held in your arms. Most definitely a Main coon in my opinion, and I cannot imagine him as any other breed other than this one. Main coons are known to be giant cats with a very long and thick fur, big pointy ears, as well as a very big fluffy tail too. Paradoxical to their size and their fit body, they're usually not very courageous and physically strong cats, nor do they have a particular inclination to outdoor activities. Instead, they prefer living a comfortable life without too much physical effort, just enough to explore a little and satisfy their curiosity, while they enjoy their leisurely activities at home most of the time. They are also very cuddly and affectionate, they love to have lazy cuddle sessions. Thus, I believe catboy Zayne would be more similar to this breed both physically and in terms of personality.
• So typically like a Main coon, cat Zayne is very cuddly and he is definitely not a courageous cat outdoors. He doesn't hunt, he only goes out when it's sunny and when he's not too busy, and he would much rather stay inside with you to continue observing you.
• Since he doesn't have a lot of time off, you can be sure he'll be really clingy when he has the opportunity to do so. It's his most favorite activity, to just lay with you and cuddle in bed or on the couch, or really just anywhere in the house. He also wants to be held and picked up but it can be a little difficult considering his size and weight. He can be a little suffocating, because he constantly lays on top of you when you sleep and rubs himself on you to smell you and leave his scent above, which are signs of great possessiveness over you. But if you tell him to stop, he will. Cat Zayne wants to be the most obedient cat in all circumstances.
• Actually, at any of your orders cat Zayne will listen and execute those orders of yours immediately. He doesn't listen to anybody else, only you. Not that he meets a lot of people anyway, since he prefers to stay at home during 90% of his time, but even if he would, he'd feel very uneasy around new people.
• I guess he is sort of a "scaredy cat", if you could call him like that. He is scared of strangers and gets easily startled by sudden movements or by very loud noises, it makes him wince and cover his ears because of his highly sensitive hearing.
• Catboy Zayne dislikes anything which disturbs his tranquility. Meaning : sudden or brutal movements like a door closed by the wind, loud noises like the honking of cars, when he cannot get his work properly done, when it is stormy outside, thunderstorms, dogs barking, and the absolute worst being strangers coming over to your house.
• When a stranger invades your home, he hides pathetically in a closet or under your bed, far away from the menace, and he only comes out once it goes away.
• To make up for the mental disturbance of this event, Catboy Zayne tends to come over to you, and it's one of those rare times when he allows himself to be visibly vulnerable around you, by asking you to comfort him. Sometimes he doesn't even say it verbally, he just silently approaches you, and after so much time spent living alongside him, you can already guess he is feeling unwell by just looking at his expression, and you know exactly what to do.
• The only thing which could revitalize him is you and your cuddles, and the only other thing which could do the same is : salmon. Salmon being cat Zayne's favorite meal and you being aware about it, you decide to cook for him a big juicy piece of salmon.
• It's probably more than just the salmon that he finds comforting ; it is the fact that you act so patiently and you take your time to cook for him, it is the special and meticulous attention of yours to make it the most delicious meal, it is the kindness and altruism of your action. Basically, it is the fact that he witnesses you being good, amazing even, at taking care of him, at imitating the way he usually acts ; while you are supposed to be the one that he serves. Zayne is reminded that, as him being your pet and as you being his owner, the roles should be reversed from time to time, and he can definitely count on you to be a good caretaker for him.
• Zayne as a catboy is an obedient and attentive pet, one who perfectly accomplishes his obligations and who greatly takes care of his owner, because he immensely cherishes them. But in reality, he is a gentle giant who needs a lot of comfort and care too.
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RAFAYEL ᡣ𐭩
• Catboy Rafayel is a very playful and active kind of cat. Probably one the most energetic cats out of them all.
• He is a goofball, he likes to play with various things such as : toys, furniture that he can scratch, your hair, your hands, your legs, a bunch of random trinkets you buy that he likes to push to the edge until it drops to the ground.
• He is playful but he is not a meanie, therefore he won't purposely play with something which is too valuable to you or something which looks too fragile to be played with, at the risk of breaking it. And catboy Rafayel is a very witty cat with good observation skills, and an excellent capacity at understanding his surroundings to easily identify exactly those objects.
• However, occasionally they do break. Rafayel immediately apologizes and begs for forgiveness, teary eyed and feeling guilty for overestimating his judgment capacities. You, of course, forgive him ; no little trinket is more important than your precious kitty.
• His playfulness also consists of him teasing you a little bit. Again, not in a mean way, but just enough to catch your attention. For example, he'll brush his tail under your nose, he'll rub himself all over you, he will run around your legs for no reason, he'll lightly push his claws inside your arm, not enough to hurt you but enough to mark it with punctured dots. Or he will call you ridiculous nicknames that only he finds funny.
• In general, cat Rafayel is a harmless being, he could never hurt you or any living thing, not even a fly. He knows how to use his fangs and claws if he really feels in danger, just like any adult cat, but he tends to be naive and wimpy. Therefore he's not really alert enough to raise his guard fast enough in some situations, and you have to intervene to protect him instead. The advantage is that when he grabs your arm or leg, bites it and scratches it like a madman, it doesn't hurt at all, it's like those kittens who try to act fiercely.
• Cat Rafayel is definitely more of an outdoor cat. Home for him is the place where he knows he can always return safely to. Home is the place where he can sleep, eat, leisurely rest, and selfishly enjoy all of your attention all for himself. He requires it almost constantly and orders you around for things he wants. Which doesn't mean you necessarily indulge in his requests, but he'll continue to meow, whine and act needy in hopes you accept, until eventually he gives up, and just an hour later he'll already forget about it.
• Cat Rafayel being essentially an outdoor cat means he loves exploring nature, laying in the grass, sunbathing, and hunting. Now, he's not a very good hunter, but nothing makes him prouder than bringing you an object he found (like a little trinket to make himself forgiven) or a little prey he caught between his claws. It's usually a small lizard or a baby mouse. Birds are too fast for him. He never kills them because he feels too bad about it, so he only brings it to you and then releases the poor creature. One time, he brought you a big rat, his biggest catch, then you had to eradicate it from your place and it took a whole week...
• Ah also, he is surprisingly a very good swimmer who's not afraid of the water at all. The bath isn't his favorite thing but he tolerates it since it helps him to be clean, and ironically, later on you see him literally swimming in the lake nearby.
• Indoors, he likes painting of course, crafting little gifts for you, sleeping with you when he comes back home, playing with you, fetch the ball and bring it back to you, watching movies and series, as well as wild life documentaries, especially the ones about fish and other oceanic species.
• Noticing his interest in this very specific topic, you decide to buy him an aquarium full of little fishies, specifically made out for little kitties like him to put their paws in from the top, catch a fish and eat it. However, cat Rafayel only plays with them and stays there watching them for hours on end.
• It turns out he categorically refuses to eat fish. How strange... He's quite a picky eater of a cat. Instead, he only accepts eating other kinds of meat, especially turkey meat being his favorite. He's also addicted to these little cat treats you give him after you play with him or after learning him a trick.
• Other things he dislikes are : getting dirty outside, staining his fur with paint, being bored and not entertained enough, breaking something or making a mistake you warned him not to do, when you don't play with him, when you don't pay attention to him, when you leave him alone at home.
• Catboy Rafayel hates staying at home alone so much, that he even begs to follow you when you leave the house, pretending he does it to protect you (even if you just go out for a 5 min walk). Accompanying you wherever you go is also one of his favorite things.
• You just have to understand that, Rafayel essentially lives for your attention and your care for him, he craves it all the time and if he doesn't get it, suddenly the walls of your house feel immensely suffocating.
• I think cat Rafayel is most similar to a Somali cat. It's a breed of cat with thin and long fur, large ears and a very fluffy tail ; a type of cat which is very energetic and lively, hence the need to go outside and to be regularly entertained with games. But most importantly, it is a breed of cat that is very VERY possessive of their owner ; as much as they like to have their independence, they value their owner more than anything and cannot stand being on their own for a long time. Similarly, cat Rafayel values your presence a lot and he doesn't know what to do anymore without you.
• He's not the most physically affectionate cat ; he accepts everything and he does like it when you pet him, hug him and give him little pecks since it shows him you pay attention to him, but he doesn't require it all the time, and he doesn't like when the petting sessions take too long, otherwise he gets bored. His favorite spot to be pet is around his neck.
• Catboy Rafayel is a very intelligent and observant cat I believe, he can easily discern when you are feeling unwell, either sad or mad or tired ; whatever it is, he can make out your emotions even if you don't verbally tell him.
• Therefore, catboy Rafayel is very good at comforting you, always in a very gentle way. He doesn't need you to tell him what happened if you don't want to, without that he can still wrap his body around you, embrace your figure and softly pat your head, with an additional kiss on your forehead if he has to wipe away your tears. And if you need to let it all out, of course he is also all ears for you, he can quietly sit while listening to you for as long as you need ; after all, if you're not feeling well enough, then he doesn't have anybody to play with.
• I think he'd lift up your spirits by bringing you to a nice spot outside, to have some fresh air and change your mind with something else, like seeing fireworks or going to the beach, or play with snow if it's winter, or jumping into puddles after the rain. After all, those are the activities that he likes to do, so naturally he wants to share them with you too.
• He could also comfort you by suggesting to do something for you. Although, he isn't the most skilled with his hands when it comes to doing something other than painting or crafting stuff. So if you tell him that you want him to cook, or take care of some stuff around the house, he'll do it but it's not certain it'll come out great. He really tries his best tho lol.
• For example, one morning he tried to make some pancakes with a fruit salad, scrambled eggs and bacon, tea and coffee and your favorite fruit juice. He decided he'll do everything on his own without your help, while you'll be sleeping, and then he'd be able to bring you an amazing plate right at your bed when you wake up, because he knew you were working a lot and you were very tired lately.
• Unfortunately, his plan didn't go as well as he thought ; he burnt the bacon, he couldn't even cook the eggs because he kept piercing them too hard with his claws and they would drop to the floor (it's hard to cook with these...), he cut his fingers multiple times while cutting the fruits, he teared apart the bag of flour while trying to open it, etc...
• Cat Rafayel felt so disappointed, all he had left was a tiny fruit salad, coffee and tea and a fruit juice to bring you. With his bandaged hand, he brings you the plate at your bed and looks down in embrassement, telling you he tried to make it better than this but he failed. That's when you notice a little heart made with cream on top of the coffee's foam, a sign of his hard work and dedication.
• Rafayel as a catboy is truly a dedicated pet to his owner, ready to do anything for them because they are the most essential being in his life. While he may sometimes act selfish, wimpy, clumsy, possessive and capricious ; his playful and witty personality is at the service of his one and only.
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SYLUS ᡣ𐭩
• It's not very easy to live with Catboy Sylus, he's a very unruly cat, it is useless to expect him to act exactly like you want him to, to follow your orders or your advice, or to wait for him to come back home.
• Catboy Sylus is absent most of the time, busying himself with stuff that you don't even know about and roaming around only God knows where. You've tried to ask him about it sometimes but he refused to tell you anything. So you can only hope he comes back home safely every now and then, and that he doesn't act too recklessly outside.
• It worries you, because when he does come back home every 2 or 3 days, it's usually in the middle of the night or right at dawn, and occasionally his body is covered with scars and bruises. Most of the time it's nothing too serious, but you still have to take care of those, otherwise the veterinary bills would wreck your bank account.
• Most of his scars are rather small, but one of his ears is chipped off and he's got two big scars on his lower back, maybe from an opponent who tried to catch him from behind.
• Cat Sylus is most likely a moggy or a sort of unknown mixed breed ; a very tall cat with very pointy ears, short white and brownish fur, a short tail as well and an angular face. If I'd really try to assign him a certain cat breed, then he'd be most similar to a skinny Siamese or an Oriental shorthair, or some sort of mix of the two (both breeds are pretty similar anyway). But again, I imagine him more to be a moggy stray cat that you found one day, badly injured and alone in the streets, and brought home despite his unknown origins. He does have some similarities with the two breeds aforementioned ; he's very energetic and highly intelligent, you can never try to trick him and you can never put him down to calm him.
• For example, once you had to give him medication, on veterinary's orders, just one pill everyday. Such a tiny little thing to make him swallow just once at one moment of the day, yet a merciful battle. The only way to make him eat it was to negotiate with him ; for one pill swallowed, he was granted a chicken leg.
• It is rather strange to witness that cat Sylus has very carnal instincts, and it might be because he used to live in the dangerous streets, but then again he doesn't look like a cat with direct wild feline genes. Whatever it is, it causes him to require a strictly carnivore diet and he also has a refined palate, meaning he only accepts to eat the best quality meat, real whole meat that humans also eat instead of the foul processed stuff given to regular cats. Or worse, smelly biscuits as treats. He'd be greatly insulted if you gave him those.
• About his hobbies, you don't know exactly what he does outside except than fighting and hunting, but he is supposedly a very good fighter, and most certainly a very good hunter, considering how many dead animals he brings you. It can be small lizards, mice, rats and other rodents. He also brings birds quite often ; from a tiny sparrow to a very large starling or crow. Although he strangely never kills those unlike his other prey, he keeps them alive and leaves them injured in your care, like you don't have enough work taking care of him already...
• In any case, you do take care of these little birds, feeding them and keeping them at your home so they can rest and heal their wounds, until you can let them fly away when they are healthy enough. Their wounds are always shallow and never enough to kill them, but still hurtful enough to leave them immobilized, which makes you wonder if Sylus doesn't purposely hunt them this way to satisfy his cruel and sadistic tendencies. You see him standing next to these birds when they are in cage, quietly trying to rest, and for unknown reasons he doesn't attack them but he just sits there peacefully, admiring them. When you asked him about it and pointed out his cruel behavior, he got offended by your words and retorted that you mistakenly considered him as a blood thirsty creature because of your prejudice against him, and at those words he left by jumping out of the window.
• In contrast, at home, he is very tranquil and mostly quiet, except those few times when he chooses to meow very loudly to annoy you, other than that he rarely interacts with you. He usually keeps his distances from you and he sleeps at the top of his cat tree, or any other high spot that he can find at your place. You've never seen him sleep very soundly tho, you notice that he always stays half awake, keeping his guard up even inside your home, suspecting whoever might try to break in, and positioned at a strategical spot, ready to pounce on them.
• During those moments, it's best to stay away and not bother him, cat Sylus might hiss at you if you get too close when he wants to be alone, and he is usually not a cuddly cat. If you force him into pets or a hug he will definitely make you regret it. He does not hesitate to scratch or bite you, thus injuring you and letting blood gush out of your wound. However, you can sense that he doesn't use his full strength on you, he could hurt you much more if he wanted to, considering how strong and fierce he is, but you notice that he holds back to push his claws or fangs too deep into your skin, and he carefully avoids the most delicate parts of your body such as your face.
• Gradually, he becomes nicer around you and is more inclined to get closer to you. For example, he likes to rest next to you on the couch, while you watch the TV or read a book, and the background sound of the variety show or of the book's pages being turned lulls him to sleep. He also appreciates sitting on the counter top of your kitchen while you cook and make yourself some tea or coffee, the buzzing noise of the teapot and the crackling sounds of the pan's oil give him a peculiar feeling of familiarity, that he does not remember to have ever experienced before.
• Cat Sylus starts to take a liking into those pets you give him after a few months since you rescued him. When you argued that you cared for him and you loved him, and you were there for him no matter what, he started thinking that maybe you're right, maybe he could lower his guard a little more when he is at home, with only you and him. So now, he accepts getting pets every once in a while, mostly being caressed on his head and back, and getting head pats. He despises getting scratches, and don't you dare touch him anywhere else other than his back and head ; but other than that he likes your gentle and slow touch, one that he never had the privilege to deserve before because he was considered a bad cat.
• The more catboy Sylus gets comfortable around your home and around you, the more he starts acting in surprising ways. For example, he started smelling your potted flowers that you keep by your window while he watches over the street, seemingly pleased by their smell, and he doesn't even try to eat the leaves or play with them like most cats do. He also started appreciating the music you play on your vinyl, he likes everything but particularly jazz, r&b and some classical music. As another example, he started asking you if he can eat the exact same meals as you every day, especially if it's meat nicely seasoned and cooked. The more he'd spend time with you, the more he seemed to develop a certain refined and sophisticated taste.
• Overall, it turns out that Sylus respects your home a lot. He considers it a safe haven that he was extremely lucky to be brought to, so he'll never damage it and little by little he learns to love its little details that makes it such a special place for you and him. Like the flowers and plants, your collection of CDs and vinyls, a framed photo of you and a bunch of silly magnets as souvenirs on the fridge, the dent on the couch after so many years of you sitting there, and his own dent he started creating right next to it. He doesn't know if he really deserves this, after all he could've continued his life as a stray cat wandering the streets and never have the chance to experience this, and it wouldn't have changed much. But he is glad you gave him the opportunity to live something like this, and he could never be more grateful to you.
• Catboy Sylus does not tell you how grateful he really is, because he struggles to express his feelings, but instead he tries to show it. He does not know how to take care of a home and how to do housework, at all, but he decided he'll do things his own way.
• A special activity of his, that you don't know about, is guarding your home while you are away and guarding your bed while you are sleeping. Similarly to a dog, cat Sylus likes to do surveillance work around his territory, and most importantly around his owner. He paces around the house, doing some rounds to check every weak spot of your defenses. For example, at the back of your house, the fence is slightly crooked, which could become an opening for the enemy's strike. Which enemy? Who knows... But Sylus won't back down when it comes to your safety. At night, when he guards your bed, he lays at its foot and waits patiently for any suspicious sign, while keeping his senses alert. Later on, he even came to lay directly next to you, stayed closer to you to guarantee your protection in the most optimal way ; the warmth of your sleeping body next to him and the slight brushing of your ticking finger on his tail could never distract him! Then, just a few minutes before you wake up, when he senses you moving slightly, as the sun starts rising up at the same time, he promptly leaves to continue his duties outside.
• His strong territorial instincts and his possessiveness are at the same time a blessing and a curse. One day, one of your close relatives came by while you were absent, to drop off some of your belongings and a delicious home-made meal out of family generosity. Having called you prior and since they had a copy of your keys, they entered your home without knocking. Suddenly, something jumped on them and pushed them to the floor, keeping them locked with a strong grip as they panicked. When you came back home, it was difficult to explain to them that the enormous and threatening beast who attacked them, was actually the nice little catboy you rescued a while back, and that he wasn't a dangerous monster, he was just very protective and rigorous to his duties. For Sylus, anybody coming into your home, except you and him, is a threat, and he has a hard time understanding that it's not always true, but he might learn with time.
• One of the most difficult things with Catboy Sylus is the bath. When you thought that giving him his meds was already the hardest task you were ever given to, the bath was the ultimate challenge you could've never imagined, especially considering that he needs it quite often since he goes outside a lot. Sylus absolutely despises the water and the shampoo. It's probably because he never had the opportunity to get used to it and to get regularly bathed while living on the streets, but still he is particularly stubborn and difficult to handle. So it's a battle (again), where he sometimes slips out of your grasp, but you do manage to give him his bath after negotiating with him (again) a whole rotisserie chicken to eat after, only if he behaves. Sylus stays still, grumbling a little bit.
• About his emotions, catboy Sylus used to be a very grumpy cat, always with an angry expression with his eyebrows frowned and a mean look directed towards you. Now that he is less wary around you, he shifted his irritated look to a snarky smirk constantly plastered on his face, that you cannot seem to know how to remove. When he does his regular surveillance, he smirks, when he eats his food out of the plate you just gave him, he smirks, when he spends time sitting next to you, he smirks, and when you call him and his ears twitch and perk up just before he turns his head to look at you : his smirk grows even wider.
• Scrutinizing his face while he smirks at you like that, you notice the faint squinting of his crimson eyes, which indicates you the only thing you need to know now : Sylus is very content around you in your home.
• Sylus as a catboy is the most loyal and protective companion. As much as you take care of him and of his wounds, and you satisfy his refined taste, he does not require anything out of you in exchange ; being the true guardian that he is, all that matters for him is accomplishing his duty to protect your home, with you and him around.
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Pulled an all-nighter for my assignment only to get a shitty grade, so now I comfort myself with fictional catboys stories.
─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─
After I wrote this (and you have to believe me), it turned out that Xavier is canonically a Ragdoll and Zayne is canonically a Main coon in the cat event, and it makes me so happy to know I guessed it right. Also, I do not know if I exactly wrote this as them being cats or catboys, it's a little difference so it doesn't matter much right? I guess it's kind of both.
I hope I didn't make the characters too ooc since I don't know them all that well in-game as of right now. Let me know in the comments.
Anyway, this took me a whole week to write ; so thank you very much for reading and coming all this way, I hope you liked it just as much as I liked writing it ! ദ്ദി(• ˕ •マ.ᐟ
#l&ds#lnds#lads#love and deepspace#l&ds sylus#l&ds rafayel#l&ds xavier#l&ds zayne#Fluff love and deepspace#fluff sylus#fluff rafayel#fluff zayne#fluff xavier#love and deepspace x reader#l&ds x reader#lads x reader#l&ds men as catboys#antares writes#fluff headcanons#l&ds headcanons#love and deepspace headcanons#comfort love and deepspace#catboys love and deepspace#catboy xavier#catboy zayne#catboy sylus#catboy rafayel
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u have beautiful writing and it’s honestly a talent! you’re so quick with it like hello? may u please do how arcane characters would react to having a partner who likes making handmade gifts instead of buying them? me personally i LOVE making handmade gifts because it seems more beautiful putting in work for my friends and family! honestly you’re my favorite writer on this app I’ll most definitely think about makin u a handmade gift! you’re so cool!
FIRST OFF??? YOU are the coolest person EVER and reading your message made me do a little happy dance in my chair, so thank you for THAT! 🥹 The fact that you’re out here pouring love into handmade gifts for your friends and family?? ICONIC. Handmade gifts are SO slept on, and you’re out here proving they’re the superior love language. If I could, I’d be your hype squad 24/7. (Also, i would ugly cry if you made me a gift Mamas.)
Okay, okay, let’s jump into how the Arcane characters would react to having a partner who loves making handmade gifts because spoiler: they’re all gonna be absolutely obsessed with you. Let’s GO.
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Jinx
Jinx would LOSE HER MIND every single time you gave her a gift. She’s such a sucker for anything you pour your heart into.
• “Wait, wait—YOU made this? For ME?” She’s staring at it with huge eyes like you just handed her a treasure map.
• She’d keep EVERYTHING you give her, no matter what it is. You could hand her a crocheted pigeon and she’d be like, “This is the best thing anyone’s ever given me.”
• She’d totally try to make something for you in return, but it’d be chaotic as hell. Like, you’d get a DIY flamethrower or something held together with duct tape and glitter.
Basically, she’s your number one fan and would brag about you constantly.
Vi
Vi is playing it cool, but deep down, she’s melting into a puddle of feelings. She’d get all quiet when you give her something and just kinda… stare at it like she can’t believe someone would put in that much effort for her.
• If you made her something wearable, like a bracelet or beanie? That thing is NEVER coming off.
• She’s not much for words, but she’d pull you into a tight hug and just whisper, “Thanks. I mean it.”
• Also, if anyone dares to make fun of your gifts, she’s throwing hands. (“What’d you say about my partner’s hand-painted mug? Yeah, that’s what I thought.”)
Sevika
Sevika would be SO caught off guard when you hand her a gift. She’s not used to people doing thoughtful stuff for her, so she’s just… staring at you, holding your gift like it’s a foreign object.
• If it’s something practical, like a leather pouch or gloves? She’s putting them to use immediately. And trust, she’ll let everyone know her partner made them.
• If it’s something sentimental? She’s keeping it tucked away somewhere safe, but you’ll catch her looking at it when she thinks you’re not watching.
She’s a little rough around the edges, but trust me, she cherishes EVERY handmade thing you give her.
Silco
Silco would be SO intrigued by the concept of handmade gifts. Like, he’s trying to figure out why you’d put in so much effort instead of just buying something. But the more he thinks about it, the more he realizes it’s because you care about him. And yeah, that hits him right in his cold, scheming heart.
• Something elegant or functional, like a pen case or a decorative box? He’s putting it on his desk like it belongs in a museum.
• Something more emotional, like a portrait of him and Jinx? He’ll treasure it forever but keep it private—it’s too precious for the world to see.
You’ve officially cracked the Silco Code: thoughtful effort = instant softie.
Vander
Vander is 100% DAD MODE ACTIVATED every time you give him something. He’s smiling so big it hurts, just standing there like, “You made this? For me?”
• If it’s something for the bar, like a new sign or decoration? He’s putting it up immediately and making everyone compliment it.
• More personal gifts, like a knitted scarf? He’s rocking it every single day, even if it’s summer.
• He’d also love hearing about your process, sitting there with his tea like, “Tell me about this one. What inspired you?” Big golden retriever vibes, honestly.
Ekko
Ekko would be OBSESSED with your gifts. Like, you’ve unlocked a whole new love language for him.
• If you made him something for the Firelights, like a custom mask or patch? He’s adding it to his gear immediately. “Look at this! My partner made it. Isn’t it sick?”
• If it’s something sentimental, he’d carry it around like a good luck charm. It could be the tiniest trinket, and he’d be like, “This? This is everything.”
• He’d also 100% try to make something for you in return. Now you’ve got matching handmade energy, and everyone is jealous of your vibes.
Jayce
Jayce would be SO touched by your gifts. This man is a golden retriever in human form, so every time you give him something, he’s beaming like you just made his whole week.
• If it’s something for his lab, like a personalized toolbox? He’s showing it off to Viktor like, “Look what my partner made. Aren’t they amazing?”
• Something sentimental, like a framed photo or painting? He’s hanging it in his house and telling EVERYONE about it.
Jayce is basically your personal hype squad, and he’s never gonna stop appreciating your creativity.
Viktor
Viktor would be SO soft about your gifts. Like, he’s not used to people going out of their way for him, so when you hand him something, he’s just sitting there like, “You made this? For me?”
• If it’s something practical, like a custom notebook for his designs, he’s using it every day and thinking of you while he works.
• Sentimental gifts, like a sketch or keepsake? He’s keeping them close, tucked away in a spot where he can see them when he needs a boost.
You’d inspire him to start tinkering on something special just for you. Now you’ve got your own Viktor Original™.
Caitlyn
Caitlyn would be SO charmed by your gifts. She’s used to fancy, expensive things, but the effort and love you put into your handmade stuff? That’s what gets her.
• Make her something practical, like gloves or a scarf? She’s wearing them CONSTANTLY and bragging to everyone.
• If it’s more sentimental, like a personal letter or drawing? She’s keeping it somewhere safe and rereading it when she misses you.
Caitlyn loves thoughtful gestures, so you’re basically her dream partner. Period.
Mel Medarda
Mel would be absolutely enchanted by your gifts. She’s surrounded by luxury, but your handmade work feels so much more personal.
• Something elegant, like jewelry or an intricate painting? She’s showing it off at council meetings like it’s priceless.
• Something heartfelt? She’s keeping it in her private quarters where she can admire it when she’s alone.
Mel would also encourage you to turn your craft into a business because she believes in your talent 100%.
Ambessa Medarda
Ambessa would be IMPRESSED. She’s a practical person, so if you make her something functional, like a knife sheath or leather gear, she’s putting it to use immediately.
• If it’s sentimental, she’d keep it hidden, but trust—it means a lot to her.
She’d respect your dedication and probably compare you to a warrior. “It takes discipline to create something with your own hands.”
Heimerdinger
Heimerdinger would be THRILLED. He LOVES creativity, and your handmade gifts would light up his world.
• If you made him something clever or whimsical, he’s showing it off to everyone in Piltover. “Look what my partner made! Aren’t they brilliant?”
• Sentimental stuff? He’s putting it in his workshop where he can admire it while he tinkers.
He’d also want to collaborate on a project with you because you’re basically his new favorite inventor.
Salo
Okay, Salo would be one of those people who doesn’t know how to react at first, but you’d totally catch him staring at your gift later, all soft and thoughtful.
• If you made him something like a carved figurine or a small keepsake, he’d keep it in his pocket for good luck and touch it when he’s thinking about you.
• He wouldn’t be super showy about it, but you’d KNOW it meant a lot to him when he said something lowkey like, “You didn’t have to, but… thanks. This is nice.”
• Deep down, he’d be so touched that you took the time to make something just for him. Handmade gifts just hit different for someone like Salo, who appreciates quiet, meaningful gestures.
Scar
Scar is giving CHAOTIC, “OMG YOU MADE THIS??” energy every single time. Like, no matter what it is, he’s holding it up like you just gifted him the crown jewels.
• If you made him something goofy, like a silly little knitted hat or a bracelet, he’s rocking it IMMEDIATELY. “Look at this! My partner made it! Aren’t they the best?”
• He’d totally try to “help” you make stuff sometimes, but he’d just end up making a mess and laughing about it the whole time.
• Scar is your ultimate hype man, always gassing you up and telling everyone how talented you are. You could hand him a macaroni necklace, and he’d be like, “Masterpiece. Absolute masterpiece.”
Maddie Nolen
Maddie is secretly the softest bean about your handmade gifts. Like, she’d be a little shy at first when you gave her something, but you’d catch her smiling at it later when she thought you weren’t looking.
• If you made her something practical, like a cozy scarf or a cute notebook, she’d use it all the time and feel so warm and fuzzy knowing it came from you.
• Sentimental gifts? She’s absolutely treasuring them forever. She’d keep them somewhere special, like her desk or bedside table, and glance at them whenever she’s missing you.
• Maddie would totally ask about your process too, like, “How did you even come up with this? It’s amazing.” She’s so supportive, and your gifts would mean the world to her.
Lest
Lest would be absolutely ENCHANTED by your handmade gifts. Like, she’d hold them so gently, as if she’s afraid of breaking something so precious.
• If you made her something elegant or delicate, like a hand-painted vase or a piece of embroidery, she’d treat it like it’s the most valuable thing she owns.
• Lest would also love the thought and care behind your gifts. She’s the type to listen closely when you explain how you made something, nodding along with genuine interest.
• You’d totally catch her showing off your gifts to her friends, like, “My partner made this. Isn’t it beautiful?” She’d treasure everything you give her, no matter how big or small.
And that’s it! TL;DR: YOU are a gift, and every Arcane character would feel insanely lucky to have someone as thoughtful and creative as you. Keep being amazing, bestie. 💜
#x reader#arcane x reader#character x reader#imagine#arcane imagine#headcannons#arcane#arcane headcanon#jinx arcane#jinx x reader#arcane sevika#silco x reader#arcane silco#arcane jayce#arcane victor#victor arcane#arcane vander#vi arcane#maddie arcane#ambessa medarda#mel medarda#lest arcane#firelight ekko#arcane ekko#ekko arcane
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27 Asks! Thank you!!! :}} 🐗
@sillyandquest
I really want to show them off but I also really don't want people to steal/use them <:( I've had too much of that recently..
Also thank you!! :)))))
@ocinstit
I'm not sure what you're asking.. <:0 So far he's only seen her in her security guard uniform if that what you meant! No Vanny costume yet.
@platinumsun490
WWAAAAHGHG THANK YOU!!! :DDDDD
:DDD Thank you! I'm glad to hear you like how I do my asks! Also I hope you have a better time in the fandom than I did 😅
I have not played it or seen a play through yet <:00
(My cookie run ocs)
Thank you <:) The doctors believe they've found what it is and now its a matter of trying to treat it..
Also AAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! :DDD What inspired me to make them was seeing other people making pirate cookie OCs and all the beautiful and creative designs everyone had. It made me want to make some of my own! :}}
As for how I designed them, I'm afraid its a process I cant really explain.. I just kind'a slapped things together and tweaked them until I was satisfied. Although I kept in mind that I wanted all of them to look different. So if I accidentally game 2 of them the same shaped shirt collars, I'd go back and change it on one of them :00 I think that con
Now, some information...
Well, the first thing that came to mind is Blue Beauty's lore change! :00 I changed it so she came from the same ocean that Star Coral cookie is from! So her redesign will be very space themed...👀👀
And lastly, thank you so much! I hope tomorrow goes well for you too! :))
@captain-skyler1987
LSKJFKSFSKDFSK
@avaveevo
She's pretty much the same as she is in canon, minus a few dialogue charges :0
@lycaran
DARK CACAOOOOOOO 😭😭💞💞💞💞
@ozzytheplushiemonster (XDD Its okay, I was late too)
I present to you!,
A barrel of redvines! :))
@smithanonsworld
I wanna pet it so bad <:'((((
@misscherrypie
AWWW I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH 😭😭💞💞💞
Man, for their own sakes the Autobots shouldn't study most of our history 💀
@palettepainter
The main thing I thought of for my Metagross is that his four brains are slightly out of sync. And when he talks there are four voices talking at once in slightly different tones. Sometimes when he gets really anxious or frustrated the voices will say different things entirely :( the poor guys..
As for my Queenie, yes! She has major mom vibes :))
Thank you very much <:)) you guys' comments have been very comforting during this time 😭💞💞
(Worm post)
XD Well I'm glad you liked the drawing! :))))
@thesweetdevilsamantha
:DDD Thank you!! :)))))
@londontragedies
WAAGG THANK TOOU SO MUCH!!! 😭😭💞💞💞💞
XD aww! What a cute draWHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE ACCUSED OF BLOWING UP A PIRATE SHIP?
@dreamweave01
Thank you so much!! :DDDD And tbh I don't think I can just claim an art style.. If you want to to replicate my art style once or twice purely for the sake of a learning exercise, then who am I to stop you? That's what I did to learn too :0
@r4iri0ts
I've been hanging in there as best I can.. I'm still unwell and these past few days have been really bad so I'm trying to take it easy. Hoping that this will all blow over soon😔
Thank you <:))) I'm hoping this is over soon!
Pirates have become my favorite thing to dress as for Halloween. But I gotta say, your costume is much funnier XDD
@cat7890
I am scared and also confused 💀
I'm hanging in there as best I can. Have had some bad health days recently and all the art theft, tracings and new redesign thefts have been the cherry on top. 😔
Also thank you! :D I used to be so nervous about jumping from fandom to fandom, basically asking my followers for permission to do so. I'm so glad I'm out of that headspace and know fully understand that this is MY hobby blog, and I can draw from what ever fandom I want! XDD
Yeah 🥲
#my response#the amazing digital circus#cookie run ocs#cookie run kingdom#my ocs#fnaf security breach#Pokémon scarlet and violet
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Lovestruck (an Elvis fic/imagine)
Pairing: yandere!Elvis x Reader
Summary: It’s 1975 and Linda has rejected Elvis’ proposal, leaving him drug dependent. Worried and frustrated, his family and Linda get an in-home nurse to get him back on track with his health. But what happens when Elvis mistakes her kindness for love?
Warnings/Triggers: this is a yandere fic so expect dark themes such as, obsessive, compulsive, manipulative, crazed behavior. Elvis is delusional. References to sex and baby making. Forced marriage, and slight kidnapping? References to the colonel.
Priscilla left. And Elvis believed he was heartbroken, keyword: believed. And he sulked and sulked and sulked for weeks.
But then Linda came around. He was convinced he was in love with her, letting her move in and redecorate his house and make friends with his baby daughter. He even thought about proposing. But she said she wasn't sure if that's what she wanted.
And while she was a good distraction at first, when she rejected his proposal, the drugs became more of a distraction to him. And he made it okay by telling himself that drugs couldn't tell him no.
And that's how it went for the longest time. But people were worried. His family was worried— even baby Lisa knew something was up with her daddy.
So Linda, armed with everyone else's concern, took matters into her own hands. She called so many doctors and rehabilitation centers, and eventually she got a nurse to agree to live in at Graceland to try and get him off all the pills.
•
You walk into the grand house, following the gorgeous woman. She's sweet, has a good character and you can tell from just talking the few words you have.
The house looks different from the pictures that were once in the pages of a tabloid, with Elvis on the couch with a guitar. Back then the house was light, with royal blues and whites, but now it was like a vampire's lair— all red and gold.
"I just want to say thank you. We've tried to get him to go to rehab, but he refuses every time."
You smile sweetly at Linda. This is the first job that could actually mean something for you, and you feel as though you should be the one saying thank you. Before this opportunity, you were prescribing solutions to trust fund teens in California who got ahold of drugs at their high school parties. It was a good job, but you wanted more— you went to school for more. You felt as though your talents could be put to better use, and this was that breakthrough you were looking for since you graduated college.
"No, this is an honor, seriously. And sometimes it's better for people of his caliber to be kept away from prying eyes in times like these. Going to a center would put him at more of a risk for a press leak." You sit down with her as you make it to the living room, and there you find Elvis' father as well. He stands and shakes your hand.
You sit with them and talk about plans and the goals they have for his recovery, and all the while, you're stuck wondering why the man himself isn't here. This is a meeting about his health, after all. But they don't mention it, so you don't either.
And once they're satisfied with everything, Linda shows you to what's going to be your room for the next however many months.
An hour later, you go down to dinner, not expecting Elvis because Linda informed you that he usually took his dinner in his room nowadays. But to everyone's surprise, about halfway into the meal, the stairs creak, and almost immediately his presence engulfs you. Your eyes widen and you instantly stand up, still not quite believing that you're in the same room as your favorite singer.
His eyes scan the room before they zero in on you; it takes your breath away completely. And because of the nerves wracking your body, you give him the most awkward smile ever, mentally scolding yourself for being so stupid. He's human just like you. That's what you repeat to yourself over and over as he slowly stalks over to you from around the table.
Everyone— the few members of the Memphis mafia that decided to stay for dinner, Linda, Vernon, the cook who was plating the food— all stare with bated breath, all of them knowing how Elvis feels about rehab. He doesn't believe he has a problem. "Well what do we have here, hm? Ya sneak through the gate, honey?"
It takes you a minute to shake yourself from your trance, but once you do you shake your head. You're acting like a little girl that's seeing Santa Claus for the first time. "N- no, sir... pardon me, my name is Y/N," you stick your hand out for him to shake, "I'm your new nurse."
Linda winces and you shoot her a confused look. She expected him to blow up, or for his jaw to tick, or for him to say something snide— anything other than the gentle smile that graces his lips. He takes your hand and places a kiss on the back. Vernon clears his throat awkwardly. What is happening, you wonder to yourself. Everyone is acting like they're at a funeral. Except Elvis. He's acting like he got the latest Cadillac model.
Bless Linda's poor heart, and the fact that she can tell you innocently have no clue what the look in her boyfriend's eyes is. If she were anyone else, she'd want to tear your hair out. But she keeps quiet, just grateful that he's taking the news well. "Well I'll be damned, I didn't know I was sick. Honey, am I sick?" His eyes turn to Linda— only for a split second before they're piercing into you again. Is this love at first sight... because it sure seems like it to Elvis. He had to talk to all the other girls for at least a day before he felt something. Linda bats her eyelashes, "it's just in case, E, that's all. Gotta have ya perfect for the stage, yeah?"
He hums, and then finally lets your hand go. He gestures to your chair and then sits at the head of the table that's conveniently beside you. "Welcome then, Y/N."
You smile, this time a lot more gracefully, and then sit like he did. "Well why y'all starin' like dummies? Eat." He instructs everyone at the table, and like little minions, they all obey.
But he talks to you. About everything under the sun. And during such a time, you both come to an agreement on what he needs to do differently in order to maintain his health. A nice and easy regiment that should keep him from facing very terrible withdrawals. He seems to like you, or maybe he's just a really nice guy, but either way, you decide you're going to really enjoy staying here.
Weeks pass much the same. You like being friends with Elvis, and you realize that he's extremely humble and down to earth, not at all like the negative press he gets. You get a solid routine down; once a day, you give him a checkup, and you also lessen his pill intake everyday until he's down to strictly only what he actually needs. And much to the Colonel's dismay— a man you deemed icky the first time you met him— Elvis fires Dr. Nick and takes on a doctor you personally recommend.
•
Elvis knew this time. And despite his earlier feelings, he was mentally thanking Linda for rejecting him. And whether or not you liked it, you were going to be his.
You were his guardian Angel. That had to be it. You were saving his life. Of course he had a problem, and now he knew it. You were sent to him by God and were there to save him. He knew it. He knew that had to be the truth. Why else would you be so willing to better such a man?
Oh, and the way you smiled at him. The way your eyes lingered on him. The way you so very clearly wanted to be his. He wasn't blind, and the way you always looked at him with a twinkle in your eyes, that had to be you pleading for him to take you away— make you his. And once he knew for sure his plan would work, he'd do just that. He'd save you just the same way you saved him. And you'd be together, like you both wanted. Forever.
His hands would linger. When you'd check his blood pressure and breathing, he'd put his hand on your shoulder. And you never told him no, you never pushed him away. And he knew signs when they were given— you were definitely giving him signs.
There was this language between the two of you, a silent pining. He knew it. 'Just a while longer, angel. We'll be together.' It was a mantra inside his head every second of every day.
Four months into your residency as Elvis liked to call it, and fours months of mutual pining, Elvis knew it was time. He put his plan into action. You came home from the pharmacy to see bags in the foyer— your bags. With tears in your eyes, you walked up the stairs, "Elvis? Hello?"
You paused as he walked out of his room, looking the picture of health and happiness. He could see the confusion written all over your face. He was about to explain when you cut him off. "M' fired? Ya want me to leave?"
And then he saw resolution mix in with the emotions filling your face. You dry your tears. "Well thank you for the opportunity. It was great, and I hope I helped you well enough, Mr. Presley." You seemed almost fine with the idea, just a little beaten up about losing a job. But he knew better, you were playing hard to get.
"Mr. Presley? Baby, don't call me that, Mr. Presley is my daddy. Can't ya tell? We're goin' away... you and me." He grabbed your hand, a smile painting his face.
And there was that confusion again, and if he weren't so crazy, he'd also see that the look he thought was love was actually a little bit of fear. He'd been extra touchy and sweet, but you thought that was just the type of person he was. But now you could tell that he was just rather crazy. What did he mean going away? You were his nurse. "What're you talking about, Elvis?"
"C'mon, darlin' let's not dance around this no more. I see the way ya look at me— we're in love." He grins wolfishly, his grip tightening. He looks down at your lips.
You shake your head slowly, your eyes widening. You take a step back, looking behind you for any sign of anyone else, but it's then that you realize the house is eerily silent except for the two of you. He pulls you back, your face making contact with his chest. His free hand tangles into your hair and tilts your face so you can look at him. "Angel, I know moving away seems scary, but we can be together. We can start that life we both want, hm? I know ya feel the same, ya don't gotta say it right now."
And you can't even say anything or even try and run because he's got you thrown over his shoulder and in his car within minutes. He buckles you in and gets in the drivers seat after instructing Sonny to load your stuff into another car and to meet him at the airport.
He looks at you from the rear view mirror with a crazed smirk, one he thinks is harmless and loving. "How's Vegas sound, angel? We can get married in a chapel and ya can watch my shows every night, and we'll make Lisa Marie a big sister. I can tell yer beggin' for me to make ya a mama," his fingers drum on the steering wheel as he speeds through Memphis to the airport, "Oh yeah, I can see it now. Ya won't leave the bed for months after we get hitched. And I'll make this one last 'cause yer my soulmate. I was a dumb sonofabitch for thinkin' it was Cilla."
And as you stare at him through the mirror, tears fighting to fall from your eyes, you realize that this is one situation you don't think you can get out of. You screwed up.
Heyyy lovies! So I wrote this today because I wanted to read a fic like this but I couldn’t find one, so I just wrote it myself. First time writing darker themes, so bear with me if it’s not that good. Enjoy anyway, or at least I hope. Much love❣️ (I also just wanted an excuse to use that picture because he looks so scrumptious in it).
#70s#elvis fic#elvis presley#elvisaaronpresley#vintage#elvis fans#elvis the pelvis#elvis x reader#elvis x y/n#fanfic#50s elvis#70s elvis#60s elvis#elvis presley fanfiction#elvis fanfiction#elvis the king#yandere
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