#HE DOES BELIEVE IN HER she just needs to show a certain amount of Willingness to actually take the role as opposed to just like. coasting-

[yloiseconeillants]

MAYNCIENT :: Day 17 ~ Mentor

If you, too, wish to set down roots in this fertile field of study, hearken you to the Words of Halmarut and submit your application to the Akadaemia.

[mindofasupernova]

The Inventor Part 3

Kaz Brekker x reader

Description: A killer is on the loose, eliminating Kaz's informants. In a desperate attempt, Kaz meets a certain inventor that has his mind racing, trying to figure out the complex puzzle she is.

When the news of a murder in Von Raske's autumn ball reached Kaz's ears, his breath froze, an icy hand tightening his grip on his heart. Lord Von Raske was a close acquaintance of the Grand Duke Y/LN, fear invaded his mind, a single statement playing on repeat like a broken melody: Y/N had been there.

Dirtyhands had immediately sent Inej to check up on Y/N while he tried to distract himself by finishing paperwork. Two weeks had passed since their secret rendezvous, two weeks since Y/N had given him the list of components that created the poison and in those two weeks, he hadn't contacted her.

The next morning, he and his crows had spent the whole day making inquiries about possible buyers and indentured Grisha acquiring an excessive amount of alloys. No luck. No one knew anything. The only thing he had gotten were another two corpses with the same symptoms.

He had refused to call Y/N despite the little voice in the back of his mind telling him to bring the brilliant inventor, who would surely enjoy an excuse to abandon her royal life for a few hours. Even when there were no new bodies, these whispers urged him to arrange another meeting so he could just hear her chatter about dissections methods as if she were talking about the weather. Kaz shook his head, tossed his treacherous thoughts into a vault in the back of his mind while scolding himself for wanting the company of someone he barely knew.

Kaz thoughts kept drifting back to the inventor, too worried for her safety that he failed to notice Inej's presence in his office until she quietly spoke.

"She's alright, Kaz, but she believes these murders aren't just an act of vengeance against the Dregs. She wants to meet again to share her theories." Kaz glanced up, evaluating Inej words.

If it weren't for the tragedy at the ball, he would have kept thinking some other gang wanted to initiate a war against the Dregs, but now he was sure this was deeper than a petty quarrel.

Kaz nodded, analyzing the spy's face. Eyes dropping down to Inej's hands, she wore what looked liked to be a set of thin brass knuckles, two rings adjusting at her pinkies and index fingers that joined a smooth metal band facing her palm. Before Kaz could open his mouth, Inej answered his unspoken question.

"Y/N made them for me. She told me she'd noticed my chipped nails and slightly blistered hands from climbing flat buildings. She fabricated these, they work as some type of magnet, using the force of momentum and creating friction on plain surfaces." Inej's gentle voice explained, an endearing look as she stared at her knuckles.

"She gave me some truffles to bring back to the club, she thought Nina might like them."

He hadn't failed to notice Inej's troubled expression when he had ordered her to go to the Y/LN Manor. Whether he wanted it or not, the brilliant royal was worming her way into his Crows' hearts.

Kaz hummed in response, "We are meeting tomorrow at 9 in the morning, I'll tell Jesper to deliver a note."

"I'll do it right now. I want to try these." Inej gestured at the brass knuckles and without a word slipped out the window.

____________

Y/N

"Need a ride, doll?" Mr. Fahey called out, opening the hansom's door, inviting Y/N to hop inside.

Yesterday, Inej had silently returned to her room, bearing Kaz's news about the meeting. Y/N's heart thrummed excitedly in her chest, the notion of seeing the Crows again lighted up her day.

Y/N had told Ms. Ghafa she'd investigated around her social circle and that they needed to pay a visit to Mercher Dupont's valet, Dupont's most trusted employee.

"Greetings and thank you, Mr. Fahey" Y/N said politely as she stepped inside, taking a seat next to the Wraith.

"Why are you so sure the valet will have the answers we are looking for? Is he related to those theories you wanted to speak of?" interrupted Kaz, always so straightforward.

"Nice to see you again, Mr. Brekker. And they aren't just theories. You see, after the very unfortunate incident at the ball, I took it upon myself to investigate Mercher Dupont's whereabouts in the past two weeks."

"Whereabouts? What does that have to do with his murder?" the raven-haired boy pondered.

"Everything. Someone knew he'd be returning from his secret trip today and that he would go directly to the ball. It's quite obvious actually." Y/N said, watching the streets distractedly through the window as the carriage started moving.

"It's not obvious to me." voiced Jesper.

Y/N turned to look at her confused companions. Kaz frowned deepened when the girl turned to him, waiting for him to show he understood. When she was met with silence, the corners of her mouth tugged upwards, clearly proud she had noticed something the infamous criminal mastermind had not. Kaz didn't share her enthusiasm.

"When Mercher Dupont arrived at the ball he was jumpier than usual, eager to avoid conversation with anyone. It was clear he had traveled outside the country: his skin was tanned, constantly scratching and pulling at his sleeves covering what were likely mosquito bites. His shoe soles were stained with grass and an orange stain, probably jurda, laces had been recently cleaned but messily tied as if he had been in a rush to arrive on time. Jurda, mosquitos, and scorching sun at this time of year, we can only find those three in Novyi Zem." Y/N beamed, words tumbling out of her lips as if her life depended on them.

"Besides, my mother talked with his wife this morning. The poor woman said that weeks prior he'd raced into his hansom, disappearing for two whole weeks and when he had finally returned, he and his valet refused to tell her a thing." the inventor finished, just as the carriage stopped moving.

"Wait, I thought we were heading to Dupont's residence." Y/N interrupted, as the trio jumped down the carriage, a few blocks away from a jewelry shop.

"Tell me, Y/LN, would you like to see what we do for a living?" Kaz asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I did not come here to witness a robbery. Much less to help with your wicked schemes." Y/N retorted, a defiant raise of her head, body betraying her when she stepped out of the carriage as well.

"I thought you'd enjoy participating in illegal affairs since you seem so eager to associate with a bunch of criminals. Where's your sense of adventure?" Kaz taunted with a smug look on his face.

"I left it on the carriage and would very much like to go back to get it." returned the girl, crossing her arms and straightening her posture. "If you believe my willingness to help you indicates I relish taking things from others then, you are awfully mistaken."

"How do you know you don't like it if you've never done it?" Jesper joined in.

"There's nothing like a heist early in the morning." the sharpshooter said, twirling his guns before hiding them in his coat.

Y/N let out an exasperated sigh but followed nonetheless. Kaz Brekker will be my downfall.

__________

Jesper took the driver's place, dismissing the coach, being their "escape driver" as Kaz had dubbed him.

Y/N entered the shop first, a veil covering her face, and pretended to be deeply interested in some ruby rings. She was only there to watch, Kaz had assured.

A few minutes later, Kaz walked in wearing a security guard uniform, where he had managed to obtain one, Y/N had no idea. He slowly prowled to the counter, adopting his role with such grace that it stunned Y/N. When he reached the vendor, he started conversing with him as if they had known each other for years.

Every step, every gesture, every word was calculated. In another life, Mr. Brekker would have made a fine actor. A very charming and talented actor. The thought crossed Y/N's mind before she could stop it. Kaz Brekker was a dangerous man, he'd heard the horrified whispers that preceded his name, a heartless monster that terrified the streets of Ketterdam.

But now that she knew him, Y/N wasn't sure if he was as despicable as the rumors stated. He could have taken her hostage when her identity was revealed, betrayed what she had been doing in Mr. Zhang's shop in hopes of earning money, but he didn't.

Most importantly he had never doubted her abilities when he discovered she was a woman, never belittled her as many high-class men had done. In fact, she could have sworn Kaz was pleasantly surprised when she'd earnestly started the autopsy. His lips barely tugging upwards, when she handed him the list.

Y/N had also noticed how he was always covered head to toe, not a sliver of skin showing apart from his head. She had perceived the way he always avoided touches, careful of not brushing against anyone, staying away from big crowds. It made Y/N wonder why skin contact repulsed him, she wanted to figure out his enigmatic persona and discover the reason for which his heart raced.

"Fire! Fire!" with a startled jump she came back to reality, eyes landing on the blazing curtains near a thin metal drawer that was slowly melting in revealing golden necklaces.

Y/N desperately hoped this wasn't Kaz's plan, by now everyone inside was aware of the fire, quickly pushing to get to the exit. Y/N squinted her eyes at the smoke, looking for Kaz, scared he had been injured during this little stunt. But before she could call out his name, she was being pushed outside.

Y/N hurried back to hansom where Jesper and Inej were already waiting, rapidly swirling around, she almost bumped into Kaz's chest.

"That's your idea of fun?" Y/N questioned, sending a murderous glare Kaz's way, a mask to hide her relief at finding him safe and unscathed.

"Says the person who finds joy in carving corpses open." Kaz retorted, his infamous smirk widening and stepping inside the hansom, closing the door after the two girls. "But it worked, didn't it?"

Y/N turned to look at him in confusion, Kaz's smirk widening when he pulled a pendant from his coat, but it wasn't any ordinary piece, it was THE Pink Star Necklace. This necklace was the source of the hottest gossip, created by a durast master as a gift for the upcoming arrival of a Shu dignitary's daughter.

"Incentive and distraction. I knew this necklace was kept in that shop, I just didn't know where." Kaz explained proudly "The obvious instinct was rescuing the most valuable piece inside."

"That being the necklace, delivered into your waiting hands." Y/N laughed, an incredulous grin at Kaz's ingenuity.

The rumors were true, he indeed had a wonderful mind. The crime of the century without even lifting a finger. She couldn't help her smile, wondering what other tricks Kaz had under his sleeve.

"Very clever, Mr. Brekker. I'm impressed."

Kaz's smug look never faltered but his eyes softened "You've just seen the beginning."

_________

The valet had been lounging outside when they arrived at Dupont's residence. The three crows and the inventor approached, Kaz skipped straight to the point without waiting for pleasantries. After several unanswered questions and the valet affirming he couldn't tell where his master had disappeared to for the last couple of weeks, Kaz looked ready to bash his skull with his cane.

However, before his blood painted the white roses red and Y/N had a new body to examine, she quickly intervened.

"Does Mercher Openheilmer know of your affair with his sister?" and just like that, the valet was desperately sputtering the whole story of his life out.

Apparently, Mercher Dupont had woken him up in haste, ordered him to fetch the carriage, and to drive to Fourth Harbor as if the Devil himself chased after his soul. When they had gotten there, his master had hired a schooner and Captain Wagner's small crew to Novyi Zem apart from that, he knew nothing more.

In a quick bumpy ride, they arrived at Fourth Harbor looking for a certain Captain and his crew.

"Blackmail. Who would have thought Marchioness Y/N performed such ghastly deeds." Kaz mocked, while they walked to Wagner's petit schooner.

"Oh hush, you're just mad I didn't let you beat the valet up."

Kaz raised a hand, gesturing for all of them to be quiet. Heavy grunts and shattering glass could be heard from inside the ship. Inej drew her knives and Jesper pulled out his pistols, each one went their own way while Y/N trailed quietly behind Kaz as they entered the dark rickety schooner.

The captain's quarters were a mess, papers scattered and drawers open, someone was in a hurry. Y/N saw a shiny pistol laying on a coffee-stained desk, it was loaded, she hesitantly grasped it, adjusting her grip like he had seen Jesper do. She had never held a gun before, but any form of protection was welcome.

Swirling back around, Kaz was nowhere in sight, with uncertain steps she stepped into the adjoining room, shakily raising the gun. A burly blond-haired man, Captain Wagner, shoved clothes desperately into a suitcase, he froze and stared wide-eyed at Y/N. The man was sweating, pudgy hands shaking, ragged breaths escaping his mouth, he was terrified.

"I mean no harm, I simply wish to talk about one of your clients, Mercher Dupont." Y/N raised her hands in surrender, daintily placing the gun on the floor not wanting to scare the man further.

The captain nodded, taking a step forward, but before Y/N could utter a word, he lunged at her knife glinting in the moonlight. A surprised gasp left Y/N's lips when the man shoved her to the floor. Captain Wagner pinned her down, knife raised in a direct line to her throat. When his hand dived to meet its target, Y/N desperately raised her hands catching his grip, a poor attempt at preventing the sharp metal from sealing her fate. Wagner pushed harder, merely seconds before her blood decorated the cabin's walls, a crow's head sunk into the plane of her attacker's shoulder, eliciting a broken scream from the man, and with a swift kick to the ribs, Kaz yanked the man off of Y/N. Drawing quivering breaths, Y/N sat up and watched as Kaz pressed the hill of his boot into Wagner's injured shoulder.

"Why did you attack her and why in such a hurry? Why was Dupont so eager to leave for Novyi Zem?!" Kaz growled, rage blazing in his midnight eyes.

"P-Please, I got nothin' to do with Dupont's business," Wagner whined, a sharp cried pierced the air when Dirtyhands shattered his shoulder blade with a quick jab. Y/N tore her gaze away, when she turned to reprimand Kaz about his ways, the animalistic glare he sent her way snapped her mouth shut.

"He hired my crew to get him to Novyi Zem, paid good money if we never told anyone about his trip and the many oil barrels he'd insisted on carrying there." he whimpered, trying to free himself from Kaz's visceral grip.

"If I had known the four members of my crew would end up dead for his secrets, I would have never done it. He said his life depended on the secrecy and when I saw your little friend there I thought she was here to kill me just like Dupont. "

"What did he do with the oil barrels?"

"I don't know, Saints! He brought back a Zemeni man, though. P-P-Please, I have done nothin' wrong."

-----------

No one spoke during their walk back to the carriage, a thick silence hung in the air accompanied by the coopery scent wafting from Kaz's blood-splattered clothes.

Y/N was the first to break the silence, "Where are we headed to?"

"We are going to gather information and you are going back home." Kaz harshly replied, voice dripping anger.

"But-"

"No Y/N, what the hell were you thinking?! How more stupid can you be, lowering your guard down?!" Kaz snapped, black charcoal eyes burning a hole through her head.

"The man was trembling, I didn't want to scare him. I-"

"Kindness gets you killed! What was I thinking bringing down a pampered foolish rich girl who wants to play detective!"

"Kaz, there's no need t-" Jesper started.

"No, Jesper! She's a liability! We could have lost Wagner because she refused to use a damn gun!" Kaz snarled, chest heaving.

It would have hurt less if Kaz had slapped her, his words gnawed at Y/N's heartstrings. And yet, she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing the broken look on her face. Y/N schooled her features into that false look of indignance and serious arrogance she had practiced all her life.

"Very well, Mr. Brekker. It's getting late after all" she stated. Inej's comforting hand fell upon her shoulder, she smiled even when tears threatened to fall and glanced at the bleary world outside.

_____________

Fine, if Mr. Brekker isn't willing to speak anymore, I'll take matters into my own hands. Three days and no sign of Kaz. It's okay Y/N reassured herself, she could navigate the streets of the Barrel just fine.

After they had talked with Wagner and discovered Dupont's unseemly affairs that caused the death of four sailors who were also Kaz's informants, Y/N had traveled to The Exchange and after probing for answers (more like blackmailing dealers with Zia Francesca's never-ending gossip) she had gotten the address to a small house where most of the chemicals in the list had been delivered.

Pulling out a gun she had stolen from her father's collection, Y/N knocked on the door. She had failed to use a gun once and it had cost her honest companionship, she wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

The door swung wide open; a sickening smell floated in the air. A scent that made Y/N's eyes water, the scent of something rotten.

Taglist:

@getawayfrommewerewolf, @rika90, @princessleah129, @lady1505

[bestworstcase]

farran rereads lost lagoon: chapters 16-17

back at it.

re: romance novel: “I saw a patch of red flowers, and I thought they would be striking against Cass’s dark hair. She wasn’t exactly a flower wearer, but maybe she’d let me pin one on her dress? The color would set off her fair skin so perfectly. And she could at least keep some in a vase by her bed. I refused to believe there was a person alive who didn’t feel better with freshly cut flowers in her room.” that’s gay rapunzel

i do admittedly have some ambivalent feelings about this passage. on the one hand it’s - yes, very gay. but also it feels to me like such a clear illustration of the difficulty rapunzel has with empathy and listening to other people when their experiences or expectations or needs diverge from hers; she acknowledges that cass isn’t into flowers, but follows it up with “but maybe i can get her to wear some anyway,” and of course there’s the whole refusing to believe anyone could feel differently about having flowers in their room than she does. and it also has this weird undercurrent of - god, i don’t know how to phrase it in a succinct way.

this specific passage was on my mind when i wrote this bit in moonless air chapter 4: 

Still. She plucks at the stitches of her jack-of-plate, self-conscious.

It’s the nicest thing she owns. Soft green velvet sewn over sturdy layers of canvas and steel. Armor. She’d saved up for more than a year to buy it for herself on the anniversary of her adoption two years ago, and at the time it had been nothing but a frivolous luxury. Stupid, really. She’d never had real reason to wear it in Herzingen, not for anything besides teaching herself how to move with its weight and entertaining ridiculous fantasies—but last night, Moira had intimated that their destination in Vardaros is fancy as well as dangerous. So the jack seemed… appropriate.

Sharp. She twitches.

Clothing—fashion isn’t– Cassandra’s always hated dresses. It’s a trait that demands a certain amount of indifference to what other people think of her appearance.

And she can do indifference. Cassandra has indifference in spades. But nobody’s ever paid her a compliment quite like that before: baldly appreciative. Straightforward. Not like all the times Rapunzel coaxed her into tolerating crowns of late-summer flowers because the colors look so nice with your complexion! and not like the Commander’s gruff praise for how grown-up she looked in the hideous pastel gowns that had come with the lady-in-waiting gig.

because – like, cass is butch, and “not a flower wearer,” and here in lost lagoon we have this passage where rapunzel expresses this pretty straightforward attraction to cassandra but in the context of imagining cassandra presenting in a much more feminine way than she is comfortable with - in a dress with flowers in her hair etc - and it just... rubs me the wrong way a little bit. and this is not to say like cass can’t be butch and put a flower in her hair but when it’s paired with rapunzel specifically acknowledging that cass doesn’t WANT to wear flowers then it - yeah i feel weird about this passage. 

and that translated into cass having a whole little crisis over being complimented for her appearance without implicit pressure to be more feminine for the first time ever

anyways

i still can’t get over the name monsieur lefleur 

rapunzel summarizes hervanian culture as “brash but can be funny; distrustful but not mean-spirited” so, basically, they are americans

she is feeling very Prepared to meet with them, in contrast to every other time she’s met with foreign dignitaries or nobility before this. eugene tries to warn her that cass is PISSED with her and she just brushes him off, as one does, by saying that cass is “not all bubbles and moonbeams” but that she is “a softy” inside. 

of course this leads up to cass blowing up and going off while rapunzel tries to calm her down and just - groan this line. 

“People don’t change! You told a criminal a detail that puts my entire future at risk!”

how many times have i said “cass doesn’t act this way in tts” i feel like it’s a constant drumbeat. but i have to say, again, that cass doesn’t act this way in tts. i don’t think it’s unrealistic for her to think like this, given that her father is essentially corona’s chief of police and she idolizes him, but i feel the need to reiterate that there is zero sign of cass having this mindset in tts proper. and it does sort of bother me when people read this into cass’s character because it undermines and delegitimizes her dislike of eugene in early s1. 

which like. tts itself sort of frames their mutual dislike as a mutual problem, but it’s... really not? and imo the best illustration of this is in this exchange from cassandra vs eugene: 

CASSANDRA: Unbelievable. Did you eat all the cookies?

EUGENE: I’m not a pig, Cassandra. I ate all of your cookies; I’m saving mine for later.

CASSANDRA: Ugh– you are nothing but a self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant freeloader!

EUGENE: [scoffing] You know, I can rattle off insulting adjectives describing your personality, too, but to do so would imply that you actually have a personality, and I just wouldn’t feel right about doing that!

this is the dynamic every time they squabble in early s1. 

1 - eugene does something selfish or thoughtless - in this case taking all the cookies and milk for himself. 

2 - cassandra calls him out for it, and he doubles down, often taking a potshot at her in the process. 

3 - cassandra gets mad and calls his behavior what it is (self-serving, inconsiderate, arrogant)

4 - eugene gets defensive and insults her as a person, typically with variations on calling her icy / unfeeling / humorless / joyless. 

which is to say, their fights are initiated by eugene’s poor behavior, and cassandra attacks his behavior but eugene attacks cassandra herself. like, eugene is the dude who insults you and then goes “pfft why can’t you take a joke” when you get upset with him. that’s what this is. 

moreover, when eugene’s, for lack of a better term, residual flynn rider-ness starts to taper off, cassandra’s criticism of his behavior also tapers off, AND she gets much gentler about how she phrases this criticism once he starts to actually take it on board. but there’s no accompanying shift in the way eugene speaks to and about her - the jibes about her being humorless or cranky or soulless literally never stop and at no point does he ever seem to consider that cass might not appreciate them as much as he thinks she does. 

(to be clear, i don’t think they bother cass very much if at all - but they do create and reinforce a perception on eugene’s end that cass Doesn’t Have Feelings and the background radiation of that contributes to the toxicity that develops in season 2.)

like again, pulling from cassandra vs eugene here, eugene is extremely insulting towards cassandra even when he’s ostensibly coming to her defense: 

RANDOM THUG: Look at that, Fancy-Boots has got something to say!

EUGENE: Name-calling? Come on, we’re better than that, aren’t we? Sure, we could sit here and make fun of each other—tease Cassandra for her chronic joylessness, or me for my uncommonly good looks, or you for your poor dental hygiene, tragic fashion sense, robust body odor, and what are clearly woefully misguided decision making skills, but do you really want to go down that road?

ALL OF WHICH IS TO SAY - besides demonstrating an obvious willingness to give eugene another chance once he starts doing the bare minimum to not be a dick to her, cassandra doesn’t like eugene because eugene is an asshole to her and takes the enormous privileges he is given completely for granted. 

saying “well she doesn’t like him because he was a criminal and she doesn’t believe criminals ever change” erases that completely and reframes the conflict as cassandra treats eugene unfairly because of bigotry that she needs to unlearn. lost lagoon takes this even one step further in that lost lagoon eugene is genuinely trying to be responsible, he is taking his new lot in life seriously. he doesn’t need cass to tell him off for acting like an ass because he doesn’t act like an ass. he shows actual interest in getting to know cass and makes an effort to break through her hostility in order to get along. unlike his tts counterpart, lagoon eugene really doesn’t do anything wrong, and that makes cassandra’s intense hatred of him on the grounds that he was a thief look completely irrational and, like i said, bigoted. 

it’s just very frustrating to me.

anyways

rapunzel tries very hard to persuade cass that it’s actually totally fine that she told eugene the secret because she just can’t keep secrets from eugene (except the lagoon which she has arbitrarily decided is totes fine to keep secret and i am pretty sure this contradiction never gets pointed out) - and cass is having none of it, and of course arianna interrupts before anything can get resolved. 

they rush out and monsieur lefleur interrupts them, asking questions about the lost lagoon. he reveals that he heard an ~elegant cloaked person~ inquiring about it in the library. he asks for the book. they say no. the red herring smells to high heavens, and the chapter ends with rapunzel subtly telling cass to hide the book ~for the safety of the kingdom~ and oh my god i just can’t handle the low stakes. 

seventeen picks up from there with cassandra’s point of view; she’s suspicious of lefleur and angsts a lot about how she has no time to train and she needs to get out of corona yada yada. her plan is literally to just walk until she finds someone to hire her on as a guard which. lol. this kid.

i feel like this is the strongest passage in the whole book: 

She said there couldn’t be any secrets between Eugene and her. But why—especially when it meant sacrificing my future and everything I held dear? I’d read about romantic love in poems, and it seemed to me like a spell. Sounded great for the lovebirds, but what about the other people.

Did I just not matter in the face of this love, even though I had been the one to risk everything to show Rapunzel the world? Was I just supposed to fall on my sword because Eugene was uncomfortable that he didn’t have every last piece of information about Rapunzel?

she has a brief argument with owl, who is a pretty obvious stand-in for her own doubts / feeling that she truly belongs in corona and doesn’t actually want to leave. but she has no choice! but it’s stormy, so she can’t leave! oh no!

(i think if tts really strongly felt she had no choice but to free corona, a measly thunderstorm would not be enough to stop her.)

[shireness-says]

Birthday fic recs: @welllpthisishappening

It was @welllpthisishappening​‘s birthday yesterday! Laura is consistently one of my favorite authors, and a dear friend to boot. So, for her birthday, I’d like to recommend some of her deep-cut, hidden gem fics - favorites of mine I think everyone should be reading all the time. Go read them and check out her seriously impressive fic page. The organization is downright inspiring.

Thank you for your friendship and your fics and your willingness to listen to me have a conniption about not-your-hockey-team, darling - I hope the next year gives you all the joy that you deserve!

Start Spreading the News

Emma Swan is just looking for something that’s hers. She’s fairly certain she’s found it in New York, with a group of friends and a good job and picture frames on her apartment walls. But then the past she’s spent so long trying to ignore shows up where she least expects to find it – wearing pinstripes in right field at Yankee Stadium.

More Famous Than A Yankee Can

He knows it’s not a dream. He’s had this dream before. Finding her again and talking to her again and wearing pinstripes. They usually aren’t all the same dream. So this has to be real. But the last place Killian Jones ever expected to see Emma Swan was while he was wearing those pinstripes. With her standing on the bleachers in Yankee Stadium.

I’ve read these fics three times this year. Maybe four. I love it every time - there’s romantic type miracles and pining and fate and I can’t resist it. It’s everything you need to cheer yourself up in these weird stressful times. Every time I read one these, I immediately have to go tell Laura that it’s So Good because I just can’t resist. That good.

What Used to Be Limes

Killian Jones is ready for his rookie season in the NHL. He's got a hell of a shot. An almost acceptable amount of confidence. And a roommate he doesn't want to check. Plus, his best friend. Who he's hopelessly in love with.

A Rooting Interest

Emma's only doing Ruby a favor. And playing bartender is kind of funy — especially when the guy in front of her keeps smiling and looking up how to make drinks. She doesn't want to make a fool of herself. That seems inevitable, though. Once he leaves the tip. Two tickets to a hockey game. And the good-looking guy from the bar turns out to be the star of the New York Rangers.

Look, obviously Laura has proved she’s the master of hockey fics with her Blue Line stuff. But! These are a great pair of hockey fics not from that ‘verse. Disaster rookies! Emma who doesn’t know a thing about hockey! Flirting galore! If you haven’t read these already - you need to get on that right away. And then join me in my quest to remind Laura that if she ever has hockey feelings that don’t fit into Blue Line, she could totally add on to these ‘verses and no one would complain. Or at least I wouldn’t.

Feeling As Good As Love

Emma is excited about this weekend. It's always good — this thing they do, with the house and the ocean and the friendship that seems to stand the test of time. But now, there's an added bonus. Because this year she and Killian aren't just coming to the house on the beach with that friendship moniker hanging over them. They're coming as a couple. A real couple. That kisses. Regularly. And Emma's excited about that too. She just didn't expect her friends not to believe her.

I am, admittedly, biased, because I all but demanded that Laura write this. But that’s only because it’s so up her alley, as demonstrated by the masterpiece that ensued. The banter! The cliches list! Emma’s righteous (and warranted) anger! It’s everything the prompt demanded and more than I could have imagined. Perfect.

In Case of Emergency, Call...

Killian Jones does several things on Thanksgiving: breaks his ankle, meets a very loud redhead in the ER, tells his best friend he loves her. None of them were part of his plan. The plan only involved cookies.

This is a little bit of an odd one - because Emma’s not even there for half the fic. But her presence and her absence and her impact is just so palpable. That pining, man! I live for that pining. The best kind of friends-to-lovers, with plenty of Killian and Ariel banter and a little dose of fake married because why not. What else could you ask for?

Gone the Way of the Dinosaurs

Emma doesn't entirely understand the town of Storybrooke. It is, apparently, the kind of place with story time at the library and spring festivals on Friday night and unfairly attractive people with blue eyes who know all the words to the dinosaur song her kid is also inexplicably singing. She doesn't understand the town of Storybrooke yet, but maybe Emma is willing to do a little research.

I love librarian!Killian. I love tiny!Henry. Put them together? I’m a sucker for it. It reads so believably, both for Emma and for Storybrooke. And I think Laura might have been channeling her own shoe collection, which I find so charming. And you can learn about dinosaurs! And what names they have! Read it in the name of paleontology. 

Wrap Around Your Dreams

Emma Swan is not a very good witch. She’s emotional and prone to immediate reactions and neither one of those things are currently helping her when the body count in Storybrooke is on the rise. And there’s far too much blood at each crime scene and far too much magic and Emma has no idea where to look next. So she does the almost human thing; she starts making a list. Of clues and ideas and the absolute desperate hope that the killer isn’t what she’s certain it absolutely has to be. The last thing she expects is for the notebook to start writing back.

This is a perfect Halloween-type fic. I love epistolary fics and pen pal fics, but I’ve never seen anything like this before or since. The idea of them reaching out across all kinds of magical barriers because fate just gets me, man. Plus, the suspense is absolutely palpable. And the ending! Perfect. Another of my regular rereads. 

All Was Golden In The Sky

Magic is dying. Emma knows it. She can feel it, the emptiness rattling around in her, like it’s trying to make sure she disappears as well. What she doesn’t know is what to do about it, because, suddenly, there is a man in Storybrooke claiming she’s the Savior and a seeress certain a prophecy promises the same and the last thing she expects is for her minimal amount of lingering power to pull her away. To New York City. And another oddly familiar man with blue eyes and a smile that sinks under her skin and makes magic bloom in the air around her. Things are about to get interesting.

I was just enthralled the whole time this was posting. There were so many twists and turns, but everything still weaves together absolutely perfectly. Plus, canon has been adapted so well in this. I don’t even know how to start describing this fic - but trust me, you’ve got to read it. 

Out Of The Frying Pan

Emma Swan is only doing this for one reason, well, make that two. To get her show's numbers back up and, maybe, impress her son. She doesn't like admitting to that second one though. Killian Jones is doing this for absolutely, positively, just one reason. To expand his restaurant. And maybe get Regina off his back. So that's kind of two reasons. Neither one of them is doing a year-long Food Network all-star competition because they're celebrity chefs and there's not really any other choice. Of course not. And neither one of them is enjoying it because they maybe, kind of, sort of enjoy each other. That would be insane.

Ok, this one may not be that overlooked as much as it’s my FAVORITE THING ON THE PLANET. This is a perfect fic. Every time she posts another sequel one-/two-shot, my heart sings. It’s so good. The way Laura paints this competition, and lets everything grow over the course of weeks and month, is perfect - plus, there’s all the romance and Captain Cobra feels you could ever want. If you haven’t read this yet - Get On It Today.

Check out her fics on Tumblr and Ao3, and make sure to give her and them lots of love!

[theromanticscrooge]

Thoughts on Apriltello Across the Animated TMNT Series

After watching the Rise of the TMNT episode “Donnie Vs Witch Town,” I’ve been wanting to chime in on this topic.

My big introduction to TMNT in general was the 2012 series, so I’ve kept a few tabs on Donnie and April in the 2003, 2012, and 2018 series. From what I can tell, there’s been more of a highlight on these two as each new animated series comes out. It just depends on how Donnie or April are set up and written in each one as to what kind of dynamic they share.

2003

In the 2003 series, April seems to be a few years older than the turtles. Over the course of the series, she becomes the older sister figure of the group. She and Splinter are the guardian/parental figures of the group in certain situations. The turtles are ready to deliver nosy sibling banter and jokes when she goes out with Casey. And she’s lived in the sewers with the turtles as often as they’ve taken temporary residence above her antique shop.

In combat situations or missions, April usually acts as back-up, filling the role of ongoing research assistant to the turtles when they’re out in the field. Or, for a better description, she serves a role similar to what the Oracle does with Batman.

In regards to her dynamic with Donnie in specific, I’d say that they’re best friends and lab partners. They share strong mutual interests in science and technology. They even collaborate often enough to where Donnie has commented on how valuable her feedback is to him.

There’s one scene in particular where Donnie gets excited after April makes the comment “I could kiss you!” after he steps in and tries to rescue her. This is a one-off scene, though. April’s romantic interest is focused on Casey. And Donnie never expresses interest in trying to make any moves or pursuing any kind of romantic relationship. I think Donnie would go for it if April showed genuine interest. Otherwise, he’s satisfied being just friends.

2012

In the 2012 series, April is fifteen; the same age as all four turtles. She’s a friend, confidant, fellow kunoichi, and an adoptive member of their family.

Donnie is smitten with April from the moment he sees her and his infatuation grows deeper over the course of the series. His feelings are painfully obvious, he can get overbearing with his attempts to flirt with or impress April, and he can come across as clingy and creepy. He places April on a pedestal to the point that he can’t relax around her enough to get to know her as a three dimensional person rather than an idealized love interest.

One episode shows Donnie developing enough self awareness to approach April and tell her he’ll be better about giving her space. But it doesn’t really stick. Or, more specifically, there aren’t any other significant scenes or moments that show a deliberate shift in Donnie’s behavior or his dynamic with April.

On April’s part, she likes Donnie well enough. He’s her favorite turtle and she’s been openly affectionate in expressing her gratitude or fondness towards him. She appreciates him going out of his way to help her and her dad. The largest problem is the lack of communication. Donnie and April don’t really share their feelings well: Donnie is too forceful and can’t read the room where April seems reluctant to outright address Donnie’s feelings for fear of hurting him or otherwise.

It’s dubious how much Donnie and April have in common, too. Science and technology are the center of Donnie’s life. Sometimes, April calls one of his inventions “cool,” but there’s also been a scene where she looked bored to tears as he was describing one of his latest inventions. Donnie and April watch TV together in a big group, but there’s little to no hints at mutual interests they share or activities they’d exclusively do together.

Compare Donnie and April with Casey and April. Casey and April share chemistry from their first scene onward. He has just the right amount of self-confidence and awareness that his flirting is cool and casual. They’re comfortable around each other. April openly flirts back, banters, and has fun with Casey. She even uses “date with Casey” as a plausible cover for her outings with the group at large. If April did start up a committed romantic relationship with any character, Casey would be the most likely choice. It’d just take a couple of scenes where they had a more meaningful stare, kiss, whatever. In short, the groundwork was there. Casey and April have exactly what Donnie and April lack in more casual settings and situations.

There’s hints that Donnie and April are together in the last season. Because of how big a part Donnie’s crush on April is to his character, I’m not keen on hand-waving that all of that development happened off-screen. When romantic relationships contribute to a character’s growth or writing in a significant way, I want to see what leads up to that and how it impacts that character.

As a concept, I think Donnie’s intense crush is an interesting setup and painfully relatable. The way he acts is believable and accurate to what a lovesick socially awkward nerd can be like. But I wanted to see Donnie back off and actively work on how he acts around April. As in, he catches himself before he makes yet another awkward gift or unwanted over-the-top gesture. For me, the ideal end result would be an organic, gradual shift towards Donnie developing a healthy friendship with April.

2018

In the 2018 series, April is sixteen. According to the ages listed in the fan wiki, she’s a year older than Donnie. She’s considered part of the family to the point Splinter coaches her as much as his own kids and makes a point of wanting to meet her parents. She’s good friends with all of the turtles and it’s implied she hung out exclusively with them until she met Sunida.

But Donnie is definitely her best friend. He’s the first one she calls for help with tech related issues. They have the same taste in Jupiter Jim movies and video games. And Donnie designed part of his metal shell to accommodate April if they travel by air. There’s also a handful of episodes that specifically follow Donnie and April; and these two are the most likely dynamic duo to star in a one-off episode out of the main cast.

Unlike the 2003 and 2012 series, there’s plenty of scenes and dialogue to articulate what kind of dynamic these two share. They’re visibly comfortable around each other, share fantastic chemistry, and have complementary personalities. Donnie is snarky, arrogant, and puts on a front to mask his insecurities or doubts. He doubles down unless someone pulls him aside and talks things out. More often than not, April’s willingness to be blunt and no-nonsense helps reign him in. Where Donnie helps April troubleshoot tech, she keeps him grounded.

These two have a solid enough dynamic that a friends to lovers setup could play out in a satisfying, well done way; as long as they still had the same open communication anyway. That said, though, I prefer them as just friends in canon. They’re one of the better guy and girl friendships I’ve seen in a more comedy-centric episodic cartoon in awhile (after Rad and Enid in O.K. K.O.). 

Conclusion

Rise of the TMNT has the best Donnie and April dynamic in my opinion.

It pretty much boils down to Rise giving characters individual attention and writing as well as Rise knowing exactly how this take on Donnie and April works, how they fit, and why they fit. The 2003 series was more focused on telling a grand, ongoing adventure than much emphasis on the characters themselves. There just wasn’t as much of Donnie and April highlighted in the ’03 series as there is in Rise. The 2012 series was bogged down with enough exec mandates and other writing issues that Donnie and April probably got sidelined in favor of other plot points and character writing. It needed more time and focus to feel more fleshed out and cohesive than it turned out.

I used to write long, rambly takes called The Shipping Corner on why I thought Character A was a good fit for Character B. When I’d sit down to cobble something together, I felt like I had my best results if I could unpack why a character acted a certain way and articulate how the other character fit into or impacted their life. If given a week or so, I think I could write up a Shipping Corner for Donnie and April in Rise. I don’t think I could write one for them in the 2012 TMNT.

It’s been a few years, but The Shipping Corner still determines some parts and pieces of my shipping interests or even how I analyze some characters.

[dutydreamed-a]

pick five tropes for your character!

01. BADASS BOOKWORM

These characters are quiet, smart, and seemingly physically unimposing, but with Hidden Depths of formidable physical and practical skills. They are Brains and Brawn, with brains dominant, if not quite Strong and Skilled.

Their physical abilities might result from applying their genius to solve physical challenges like they were math problems. Their attention to detail might also result in a Diagnosis from Dr. Badass. While some badass bookworms are surprisingly strong, others might be Weak, but Skilled, relying on flawless technique or supernatural abilities. Sometimes a bookworm can lack any special physical traits, but has access to an Impossibly Cool Weapon or enough firepower to make toe-to-toe combat, as they say, academic. A favorite weapon of the bookworm might even be what's always close at hand.

Elderly examples are often Old Masters who have spent decades contemplating philosophy and punching trees in half. Another common type is the Adventurer Archaeologist, who spends as much time studying in the University as that type does evading the poison-tipped arrows of angry natives. If the bookworms are a bit ditzy or talented but lack common-sense/etc, expect them to be Crouching Moron, Hidden Badass. If they prefer not to fight, doing so only when they must, then they have Minored in Ass-Kicking. They are very likely to wear Specs of Awesome. In a Five-Man Band specializing in Brains, a Badass Bookworm might as well be The Big Guy.

The trope is the converse of Genius Bruiser. A Badass Bookworm looks like your standard geek, but then displays a surprising amount of physical prowess, whereas a Genius Bruiser looks big, strong, and tough, then unexpectedly shows off an intellectual side. See Muggle with a Degree in Magic if their bookworm side is what's making them impressive.

02. SPIRITED YOUNG LADY

There is a certain kind of character commonly found in historical fiction set in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries (though she can appear earlier or later, too). Her literary ancestress can be found in some of the best-loved novels of the Regency and Victorian eras. She is the girl who bends the rules just a little. Oh, she can dance a country dance or pour tea with the best of them, but she may also be a good walker or horseback rider. She may be the most intelligent girl in the story, and she is almost certainly the wittiest and the most outspoken, sometimes earning her the title of spitfire. She may be talented in more practical ways, as well: if given the opportunity, she may turn out to be a wise investor, and she may harbor talent for music, writing, or art that goes beyond drawing room entertainment and might become a means of financial independence if necessary. In rare cases, she may even solve a murder. Though she occasionally runs into some trouble, especially if she fails to obey the powers that be, she usually comes through in the end. She will be the Veronica of a Betty and Veronica love triangle, and the hero is likely to find her more enticing than her more docile sisters.

The Spirited Young Lady has the same grace and style as the Proper Lady plus an added spark of attitude or rebellion that is missing from her more-prim-and-proper literary cousin. This is what makes her such a popular character today: she is the character modern audiences can most admire or relate to. In historical fiction, she is likely to be a proto-feminist. In nineteenth-century literature, she may not speak out for women's rights generally (a few examples do), but she will speak out for her rights pretty clearly. Her willingness to say what she wants is part of what makes her stand out.

03. UNDYING LOYALTY

A character characterized by their loyalty. Can be a trait of both heroes and villains. Most of them are supporting characters, intended as sympathetic. Indeed, if used on a villain, it can sometimes be used to flesh them out and give them redeeming qualities. Alternatively, it can be negatively portrayed as a threat to conscience.

When given to a main character or one in an authority position, expect it to manifest itself in protective instinct: as a Papa Wolf or The Caretaker or someone who is A Father to His Men. When given to a Sidekick, expect it to be an unselfish willingness to support the main character. It can also be given to friends who, despite their differences, are genuinely fond of the other, and bonus points if it works both ways.

Should the object of this loyalty die, expect generous helpings of Due to the Dead as the loyal one works to honor the fallen one's memory.

See also: My Country, Right or Wrong, My Master, Right or Wrong, Thicker Than Water, I Will Wait for You and I Am Spartacus. An Act of True Love will often be used to prove how loyal one character is to another, by having them perform a great sacrifice to show that they'll put someone else's needs before their own.

Similar to but not to be confused with Blind Obedience, where a character follows unquestioningly believing their liege to be infallible. A loyal character isn't necessarily defined as a perpetual Yes-Man, and may know when to defy or contradict the subject of their devotion, especially if it's as much for their well being as their own. At times this trope might actually come at the expense of those they follow, since they will generally not obey an order that comes at their expense or abandonment.

04. STRANGER IN A FAMILIAR LAND

A character returns home after a long absence and finds that they no longer fit in, either because their home has changed too much over time, because they themselves were changed by their experiences or both. In the second case, it can lead to a But Now I Must Go sentiment. In less extreme cases, the character may eventually settle down again with some effort.

Prominent real-life examples are usually based on soldiers returning home, most commonly from World War I or The Vietnam War, or prisoners who find after serving their sentences that they can't adapt to life "outside". This is also relatively common among anthropologists and related fieldworkers who come home after a long stint in another society only to realize how bizarre their own culture really is. Another common case is people who were raised in another culture who travel back to their family's homeland — despite sharing cultural ties due to their family's past, they experience Heritage Disconnect and find themselves alienated due to their foreign upbringing.

Present in Western literature as early as in Homer's The Odyssey, making it Older Than Feudalism.

Related to You Can't Go Home Again, Never Accepted in His Hometown, Going Native, and possibly So What Do We Do Now?. This experience may be part of causing the character in question to go From Camouflage to Criminal. Occasionally overlaps with Where It All Began. Contrast Home Sweet Home — although this trope may also make the character realize that his home is no longer the place where he used to live. He may find that his old bed is too soft and he now Prefers Rocks to Pillows.

05. I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO

Sometimes a decent person has to do something bad because it is the only way to prevent something worse from happening. 'I Did What I Had To Do' generally involves an after-the-fact justification for morally questionable actions. The culprit presents this statement when he's confronted with a "What Were You Thinking?" or "What the Hell, Hero?" reaction from someone (particularly The Heart) to whom he owes an explanation.

The questioned character will generally say, "I did what I had to do." And, more often than not, nothing else.

The consequences of such an action vary, of course, depending on the work's place in the Sliding Scale of Idealism vs. Cynicism. A character who sincerely regrets the 'necessary' action is likely to regard it as Dirty Business, suffer Past Experience Nightmares, or try to forget through chemical means. Someone who realizes they don't feel all that bad about the 'necessity' may be suffering from Start of Darkness. A character who was already rather amoral might say this only because they're upset that they had to get their hands dirty.

Generally associated with OOC Is Serious Business. Compare Well-Intentioned Extremist and It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time. When the character's motivation is her responsibility to those under her command, see The Chains of Commanding. If the consequences shown actually justify the action, then The Extremist Was Right. A character growing too comfortable with 'doing what I had to do' is guilty of a Reverse Slippery Slope Fallacy. Can be a Moral Event Horizon if it was particularly cruel or if they're particularly callous and nonchalant about it when confronted. If invoked large-scale by a Visionary Villain, it's Utopia Justifies the Means. Also, see Just Following Orders.

TAGGED BY: @standbetween

TAGGING: @edithmaslow @wclfdreamt @papilosomnia @inqisita @highaever and you, yes you reading this right now

[anhed-nia]

BLOGTOBER 10/7/2020

I missed THE GOLDEN GLOVE at Fantastic Fest last year. It was one of my only regrets of the whole experience, but it was basically mandatory since the available screenings were opposite the much-hyped PARASITE. As annoying as that sounds, it was actually a major compliment, since what could possibly serve as a consolation prize for the most hotly anticipated movie of the year? Needless to say, I heard great things, but I could never have imagined what it was actually like. I'm still wrapping my mind around it.

Between 1970 and 1975, an exceptionally depraved serial killer named Fritz Honka murdered at least four prostitutes in Hamburg's red light district. Today, we tend to think of the archetypal serial killer in terms of ironic contradictions: The public is attracted by Ted Bundy's dashing looks and suave manner, and John Wayne Gayce's dual careers as politician and party clown. Lacking anything so remarkable, we associate psychopathy with Norman Bates' boy-next-door charm, and repeat "It's always the quiet ones" with a smirk whenever a new Jeffrey Dahmer or Dennis Nilsen is exposed to the public. The popular conception of a bloodthirsty maniac is not the fairytale monster of yore, but a wolf in sheep's clothing, whose hygienic appearance and lifestyle belie his twisted desires. In our post-everything world, the ironic surprise has become the rule. In this light, THE GOLDEN GLOVE represents a refreshing return to naked truth.

To say that writer-director Fatih Akin's version of the Fritz Honka story is shocking, repulsive, and utterly degenerated would be a gross understatement. We first meet the killer frantically trying to dispose of a corpse in his filthy flat, wallpapered with porno pinups, strewn with broken toys, and virtually projecting smell lines off of the screen. One's sense of embodiment is oppressive, even claustrophobic, as the petite Honka tries and fails to collapse the full dead weight of a human corpse into a garbage bag, before giving up and dismembering it, with nearly equal difficulty. The scene is appalling, utterly debased, and yet nothing is as shocking as the killer's visage. When he finally turns to look into the camera, it's hard to believe he's even human: the rolling glass eye, the smashed and inflated nose, the tombstone teeth and cratered skin, are almost too extreme to bear. Actually, suffering from a touch of facial blindness, I had to stare intently at Honka's face for nearly half the movie before I could fully convince myself that I was, in fact, looking at an elaborate prosthetic operation used to transform 23 year old boy band candidate Jonas Dassler into the disfigured 35 year old serial murderer.

Though West Germany remained on a steady economic upturn beginning in the 1950s and throughout the 1970s, you wouldn't know it from THE GOLDEN GLOVE. If Honka's outsides match his insides, they are further matched by his stomping grounds in the Reeperbahn, a dirty, violent, booze-soaked repository for the dregs of humanity. Though its denizens may come from different walks of life, one thing is certain: Whoever winds up there, belongs there. Honka was the child of a communist and grew up in a concentration camp, yet he swills vodka side by side with an ex-SS officer, among other societal rejects, in a crumbling dive called The Golden Glove. The scene is an excellent source of hopeless prostitutes at the end of their career, who are Honka's prime victims, as he is too frightful-looking to ensnare an attractive young girl. These pitiful women all display a peculiarly hypnotic willingness to go along with Honka, no matter how sadistic he becomes; this seems to have less to do with money, which rarely comes up, and more to do with their shared awareness that for them, and for Honka too, it's been all over, for a long time.

Not to reduce someone’s performance to their physical appearance, but ???

To call Dassler's portrayal of Honka "sympathetic" would be a bridge too far, but it is undeniably compelling. He supports the startling impact of his facial prostheses with a performance of rare intensity, a full-body transformation into a person in so much pain that a normal life will never become an option. His physical vocabulary reminded me of the stage version of The Elephant Man, in which the lead actor wears no makeup, but conveys John Merrick's deformities using his body alone. Although there is an abundance of makeup in THE GOLDEN GLOVE, Dassler's silhouette and agonized movements would be recognizable from a mile away. In spite of his near-constant screaming rage, the actor manages to craft a rich and convincing persona. During a chapter in which Honka experiments with sobriety, we find a stunning image of him hunched in the corner of his ordinarily chaotic flat, now deathly still, his eyes gazing at nothing as cigarette smoke seeps from his pores, having no idea what to do with himself when he isn't in a rolling alcoholic rampage. The moment is brief but haunting in its contrast to the rest of the film, having everything to do with Dassler's quietly vibrating anxiety.

Performances are roundly excellent here, not that least of which are from Honka's victims. The cast of middle-aged actresses looking their most disastrous is hugely responsible for the film's impact. These are the kinds of performances people call "brave", which is a euphemism for making audiences uncomfortable with an uncompromising presentation of one's own self, unvarnished by any masturbatory solicitation. Among these women is Margarete Tiesel, herself no stranger to difficult cinema: She was the star of 2012's PARADISE: LOVE, a harrowing drama about a woman who copes with her midlife crisis by pursuing sex tourism in Kenya. Her brilliant, instinctive performance as one of Honka's only survivors--though she nearly meets a fate worse than death--makes her the leading lady of a movie that was never meant to have one.

So, what does all this unpleasantness add up to, you might be asking? It's hard to say. THE GOLDEN GLOVE is a film of enormous power, but it can be difficult to explain what the point of it is, in a world where most people feel that the purpose of art is to produce some form of pleasure. This is the challenge faced by difficult movies throughout history, like THE GOLDEN GLOVE's obvious ancestors, HENRY: PORTRAIT OF A SERIAL KILLER, MANIAC and THE TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE. Describing unremitting cruelty with relentless realism is not considered a worthy endeavor by many, even if there is real artistry in your execution; some people will even mistake you for advocating and enjoying violence and despair, as we live in a world where huge amount of movie and TV production is devoted to aspirational subjects. (The fact that people won't turn away from the Marvel Cinematic Universe movies, no matter how monotonous and condescending they become, should tell you something) How do you justify to such people, that you want to make or see work that portrays ugliness and evil with as much commitment as other movies seek to portray love, beauty, and family values? Why isn't it enough to say that these things exist, and their existence alone makes them worth contemplation?

A rare, perhaps exclusive “beautiful image” in THE GOLDEN GLOVE, from Fritz Honka’s absurd fantasies.

You may detect that I have attempted to have this frustrating conversation with many people, strangers, enemies, and friends I love and respect. I find that for some, it is simply too hard to divorce themselves from the pleasure principle. I don't say this to demean them; some hold the philosophy that art be reserved for beauty, and others have a more literary feeling that it's ok to show characters in grim circumstances, as long as the ultimate goal is to uplift the human spirit. Even I draw the line somewhere; I appreciate the punk rebellion of Troma movies as a cultural force, but I do not enjoy watching them, because I dislike what I perceive as contempt for the audience and the aestheticization of laziness--making something shitty more or less on purpose. A step or three up from that, you land in Todd Solondz territory, where you find materially gorgeous movies whose explicit statement is that our collective reverence for a quality called "humanity" is based on nothing. I like some of those movies, and sometimes I even like them when I don't like them, because I'm entranced by Solondz's technical proficiency...and maybe, deep down, I'm not completely convinced about "humanity", either. However, I don't fight very hard in arguments about him; I understand the objections. Still, I've been surprised by peers who I think of as bright and tasteful, who absolutely hated movies I thought were unassailable, like OLDBOY and WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN. In both cases, the ultimate objection was that they accuse humans of being pretentious and self-deceptive, aspiring to heroism or bemoaning their victimhood while wallowing in their own cowardice and perversity. Ok, I get it...but, not really. Why isn't it ever wholly acceptable to discuss, honestly, what we do not like about ourselves?

The beguiling thing about THE GOLDEN GLOVE is that, although it is instantly horrifying, is it also an impeccable production. The director can't help showing you crime scene photos during the ending credits, and I can't really blame him, when his crew worked so hard to bring us a vision of Fritz Honka's world that approaches virtual reality. But it isn't just slavishly realistic; it is vivid, immersive, an experience of total sensory overload. Not a square inch of this movie has been left to chance, and the product of all this graceful control is totally spellbinding. I started to think to myself that, when you've achieved this level of artifice, what really differentiates a movie like THE GOLDEN GLOVE from something like THE RED SHOES? I mean, aside from their obvious narrative differences. Both films plunge the viewer into a world that is complete beyond imagination, crafted with a rigor and sincerity that is rarely paralleled. And, I will dare to say, both films penetrate to the depths of the human soul. What Fatih Akin finds there is not the same as what Powell and Pressburger found, of course, but I don't think that makes it any less real. Akin's film is adapted from a novel by Heinz Strunk, and apparently, some critics have accused Akin of leaving behind the depth and nuance of the book, to focus instead on all that is gruesome about it. This may be true, on some level; I wouldn't know. For now, I can only insist that on watching THE GOLDEN GLOVE, for all its grotesquerie, I still got the message.

[autumnblogs]

Day 68: Reunion

https://homestuck.com/story/7457

Just because Vriska is happy to take credit for everyone’s shit being in order doesn’t really mean all the credit realistically belongs to her.

Which isn’t to say she gets none of the credit; her willingness to time-travel (which Dave is presumably still hung up on) and her ability to put Jade to sleep definitely helped things not go straight to shit.

More after the break.

https://homestuck.com/story/7458

Vriska’s presence, while tactically necessary for victory, sucks practically all the air out of the room. Almost no one else can get a word in edgewise. While she’s around post-retcon, practically everyone else is reduced to a secondary character in any conversation with her. Luckily, she doesn’t stick around long - just exactly long enough to be useful.

https://homestuck.com/story/7459

The Scourge Sisters are complicated characters.

Terezi spends a lot of this conversation hedging. It seems like, however well-intentioned and “necessary” Terezi’s choice to save Vriska’s life might have been for the greater good, the story passes very little judgement one way or the other on her whether that was right.

On the one hand, it’s the thing that Terezi did choose, and it seems appropriate that if she were going to use her power to reverse an action, it should be to reverse a choice that she made.

On the other hand... Vriska shows us that reasoning may not necessarily be sufficient, or redemptive - and indeed, while Terezi’s decision does repair things for just about everyone else... it doesn’t actually make things too much better for her in the end.

She spends a lot of time hedging throughout this conversation, using qualifiers like, Might, and I Think, and I Say - she wants to avoid directly contradicting Vriska, and there’s something deeply disconcerting about it.

Choosing not to kill Vriska may have spared her the burden of that on her conscience, but it ultimately doesn’t seem to have spared her confidence.

https://homestuck.com/story/7460

I’ve always felt like there’s an eeriness to the way the characters act here, and I feel like part of why they might feel so fake is they feel like they’ve almost kind of... reset to pre-Act 6 characterizations? The broad-strokes characterization we got from the Vriskagram leaves little for us to work with in terms of imagining their new inner lives, and because so much of Homestuck operates literally on the narrative layer, any development that we didn’t see didn’t happen; it’s completely inconsequential.

And with the characters all interacting in this no-stakes environment, they feel less like Homestuck characters, and uncomfortably more like Sitcom Characters - static, a set of self-referential character traits.

They’re still the same people - that’s the nature of the Ultimate Self - but they don’t feel like it. Or at the very least, they don’t feel like it while they’re on the Lilypad here.

Let’s see where we go.

https://homestuck.com/story/7480

John is weirdly amicable with Vriska considering the terms that they parted on the last time that they spoke - especially considering he overtly resisted the idea of giving Vriska the Ring of Life to bring her back from the dead.

Perhaps the rush at seeing all of his friends happy and alive is enough to wash that over.

https://homestuck.com/story/7487

A few things from this conversation;

The first thing is that in spite of immediately, loudly, and insistently proclaiming that he is now real as a motherfucker can be, Dave immediately starts qualifying, and explaining himself in verbal essay form the moment his own emotions are actually what’s being examined.

He directly identifies the idea of living up to an ideal of masculinity with the idea of heroism, so that’s points for my Caliborn essay, hah!

https://homestuck.com/story/7488

As predicted by Homosuck, Dave and Karkat’s relationship isn’t just turbulent, it’s anime turbulent! Hot and cold, tsundere even.

https://homestuck.com/story/7491

The parallel between Dave’s bicurious thoughts (and almost certain bisexuality) and John entertaining Black Emotions for Terezi is a weird way to do that, but I guess nobody ever accused Homestuck of being a normal work of fiction.

https://homestuck.com/story/7493

It’s nice for Rose to finally reach a place of some comfort in her storyline; a place where she can be rigorously self-critical without succumbing to pessimism and despair.

It’s nice. That’s all.

https://homestuck.com/story/7497

Jake also engaging in some rigorous self-critique, and what with his status as the Page of Hope, I don’t believe that in the long term, he will succumb to pessimism and despair either.

No sir - I think that whatever other somewhat bastardy things Jake may be, he is not, at the end of the day, a loser.

https://homestuck.com/story/7499

The great irony here, is we know of course that Vriska is wrong. Tavros is wrong too to just flatter Jake. He needs support; he needs help. He doesn’t need to give up either by falling prey to Vriska’s pessimism, or to Tavros’s false confidence.

https://homestuck.com/story/7500

I think it’s really interesting that what Vriska makes this all about is the fact that she blinded Terezi, and not that she crippled Tavros. There’s always been a degree to which, outside of her adversarial courtship with Tavros, she just doesn’t really treat him like a person - she treats him like an object of gratification, or a project, or collateral in her relationship with someone else, but never legitimately as a peer. The fact that she murdered Aradia and crippled Tavros doesn’t even factor into her self-estimation (especially now that she has resurrected Tavros as a sprite.)

https://homestuck.com/story/7501

Remarkably, Vriska actually has some good fucking advice for someone else for once. I don’t think that anyone should be comfortable with their flaws - what is legitimately a flaw is what estranges us from other people, causes us to hurt them, and ourselves. CERTAINLY no one should be as comfortable with them as Vriska is with herself.

But humans are all intrinsically flawed, it’s not something we can grow past, at least not in this life. Perfection is not something that can be attained to. But living with other human beings, being able to survive with them means being able to be comfortable now with our flaws, but with their flaws. I think that’s probably the meaning of forgiveness. Knowing that other people will hurt us, and deciding we can be down with that.

https://homestuck.com/story/7502

Roxy and Dave are adorable, enough said.

I like Dave’s description of his floppy imaginary men - comparing them to puppets, and the way he describes them railing against the confines of their virtual prison feels like a really obvious metaphor for exactly what the characters of Homestuck are busy doing.

https://homestuck.com/story/7504

I think someone - maybe even Andrew - has stated that the entire point of Rose’s quest is to alienate her from it. It’s like Baby’s First Character Arc - personal growth all wrapped up in bright pastels. Exactly the sort of thing that would piss off a challenge-seeking young lady like Rose.

The point of Rose’s rejection of her quest is that there are not arbitrary loops someone has to jump through in order to earn personhood. Or as Dave puts it in a moment, “we don’t have arcs.”

https://homestuck.com/story/7509

There’s an eerie extent to which, as friendly as she is with Vriska, Kanaya seems almost to talk about her as a dead woman walking. Even talk to her as a dead woman walking.

She has a certain emotional distance to her - fond of her, but not attached, even resigned to Vriska being the way she is. It’s like small-talk between people who used to know each other. I get the impression less that Kanaya is being friendly with Vriska, and more that... she’s being nice to each Vriska, rather than genuinely friendly.

Maybe it’s because she is moving forward into the future with people that she loves, while Vriska...

Vriska is living in the past; preoccupied with her own past misdeeds (to some extent or another), preoccupied with Lord English’s narrative, and her need to be the one who destroys him

https://homestuck.com/story/7513

It only occurred to me at this very moment  to talk about John and Jake’s shared love of terrible movies; and the way in which they both model themselves off of their movie heroes.

https://homestuck.com/story/7514

John’s warm positivity toward Jake is... honestly, one of the best things in the comic. I’m sad we don’t get to see more of Jake’s character arc, and I’ve always thought it was kind of a crime that Homestuck just leaves him here, more or less.

Reunion done, we’ll pause here for the night, and continue tomorrow. Fairly short episode tonight, but in terms of the amount of text, that was a lot of reading, so I forgive myself.

See you tomorrow for some strategizing, and some more problems and feelings.

For now, Cam signing off, Alive and thanks to you guys, not Alone.

[goodshipsherlollipop]

Self-interview (but not really) Part 2

Thanks again @sherlollyappreciationweek

Comp1mom

Q: What made you decide to create a “Christian” version of Sherlock?  According to the BBC version, he is a self-avowed atheist.

A: When I look at Sherlock’s true nature, I see such potential for him as a Christian.  He exhibits so many characteristics that we, as Christians, try to show - forgiveness of wrongs done to him (note how he doesn’t fight back when John assaults him); sacrificial love (his willingness to die for others, as in TRF); the desire for true justice, the way Moriarty says he’s  “on the side of the angels”.  At least for me, I was intrigued by the idea of converting him to Christianity, to give him a true purpose for his life that has eternal consequences.  

Q: Do you think that portraying Sherlock as a Christian is important? Why or why not?

A: I am always hopeful that people will read and see the validity in my reasoning for him becoming a Christian, given how often he has escaped death.  Quite often, in stories, Molly puts the question to him - Why are you still here?  Why have you escaped death so many times?  That should be enough to make anyone reevaluate their life’s purpose.

Q: Molly Hooper is the one who proselytizes him, right? Why do you use Molly? Why not John, who must be a believer in Christ in some way or he would have had a problem with christening Rosie?

A: For me, it HAD to be Molly.  Her character and the way she behaves in the show is consistent with the behaviour of a Christian.  She loves Sherlock unconditionally; she sees beyond the detective persona to the real man beneath.  She needs to be the catalyst for Sherlock to be open to the idea of Christianity, because he loves and trusts her.  John, although he certainly believes in God and has some Christian (or Catholic in my story canon) background, does not live a life that is consistent with Christianity and its ideals.  He has multiple sexual partners.  Although I think he is an ethical man, I don’t believe he has the kind of sexual morality that is typical of committed Christians. Identifying yourself as a Christian because you were raised in a Christian home and went to church, does not make you one if you display behaviour that is contrary to what the Bible teaches.  Either you’re committed to what you believe and try to follow what the Bible teaches, or you are not really committed to your faith, (not that Christians are perfect - far from it, but we do try to follow what the Bible teaches, and we feel guilt when we fail).  There’s a difference between being a Jesus fan and a Jesus follower.

Q: What evidence does Molly use to convince Sherlock of a Higher Power?

A:  In various stories, Molly points out the beauty and balance of creation, that it does not make sense for that balance to have occurred spontaneously.  She also points out the complexity of the human body and how it is built with all its systems designed to work in harmony.  Personally, I believe these two facts are huge considerations, and that it takes far less of a leap in logic to believe something created this beauty, rather than it happening spontaneously.  Molly also points out the fact that Sherlock has been spared from death so many times and asks him to question why that is so, whether there is a higher purpose to his life because of that.  

Q: How do you maintain Sherlock’s acerbic wit and still have him believe that Jesus Christ is more than a swear, is a deity, the Deity?

A:  I try to show that Sherlock is not the “perfect” Christian.  He has many years of conditioning in one type of behaviour, and that is something that is going to come out from time to time. I don’t find it as difficult to write him as someone who does not use the name of Jesus Christ in a profane way, because he doesn't talk that way in the show (unlike John). Personally, I am also not comfortable in writing (or reading) stories that use the name of Jesus Christ as an expletive.

Q: What does belief in Jesus Christ do for his detective work? Or does it influence his detective work?

A: Oh, I definitely think his faith adds an element of compassion to Sherlock’s detective work.  He is no longer answerable only to himself, but he is trying to behave in a way that displays his faith and pleases God.  That means thinking before he speaks, caring about the people involved in the case, rather than just the case itself. His motives, to glorify God in his work, are his priority.

Q: Is there any evidence in Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s writing that Sherlock Holmes believes in Something Higher than himself?

A:  I absolutely believe ACD’s Sherlock believed in God, which is one of the reasons I felt it believable to change BBC Sherlock’s atheistic stance.  ACD’s Sherlock mentions Providence, as evidenced in this quote from The Naval Treaty.

“Our highest assurance of the goodness of Providence seems to me to rest in the flowers. All other things, our powers, our desires, our food, are all really necessary for our existence in the first instance. But this rose is an extra. Its smell and its color are an embellishment of life, not a condition of it. It is only goodness which gives extras, and so I say again that we have much to hope from the flowers.”

Also, in The Boscombe Valley Mystery, when Sherlock lets a dying killer go, he says, “You are yourself aware that you will soon have to answer for your deed at a higher court than the Assizes.” This implies God will judge the man after he dies.

Penelope Chestnut

Q: How long have you written  Sherlolly stories? What made you start writing?

A: A dear friend of mine recommended watching Sherlock, and my husband and I binge watched it in the summer of 2017.  After the final episode, I was so sad that the Sherlock and Molly dynamic was not resolved, I was moved to write a happy ending for them.  My daughters have been involved in fanfiction for years, so I knew people did this kind of thing.  My intention was to write a one-shot happy ending for them, just for my own satisfaction.  After I wrote it, though, I found I didn't want to let the characters go.   I had fallen in love with their story, and I wanted to keep writing for them.  60 chapters later, I decided to start publishing my story, A Journey to Love, Faith and Marriage.  This was just over 3 years ago, on November 7th 2017,  when I joined fanfiction.net.  I later joined ao3 as well and was publishing on both sites for quite some time.  I've had a better response though on fanfiction.net, so have pretty much limited myself to that site over the past year and a half.  I continue to make revisions and correct errors on my fanfiction.net stories, while I don’t really do anything on ao3. I have been likened to a writing machine on a couple occasions.  To date, on fanfiction.net, I have published over 1.9m words.  Putting that in perspective, in three years I've published the equivalent of more than 7 volumes of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (the longest book in her series), or close to two and a half volumes of the Holy Bible.

Q: Do you have a certain routine you follow when you write?

A: I don’t have a set daily routine, but I do set myself a goal to complete a certain amount of work per week.  This has changed over time.  Currently, I set myself the goal to write at least one chapter of a story each week, to keep myself in line with my publishing schedule of one chapter per week.  If I am writing an installment for my COVID-19 series that is published in addition to my regular publishing schedule, I still try to write that in addition to my usual chapter writing for the week.  So, at times I write more in a week than other times. I am also working on revising one of my AU’s into a Christian historical romance I hope to publish professionally next year.  

Q: What is it like being a Christian author?

A: It brings me joy to spread a Christian message through my work, but, like anyone else, at times I do suffer self-doubt.  I've questioned in the past whether my limited audience makes worthwhile the enormous effort I put into writing these stories.  It can definitely be discouraging to get very little return on your work, and I have a bad habit of comparing myself to more “popular” writers in the fandom.  I am, however, getting better at recognizing my own self-worth, having confidence that the lack of readers is not a reflection on my ability and talent as a writer, but more a reflection on the general lack of interest from the majority of Sherlolly fans in reading stories with Christian themes and the values that go along with it (particularly sexual purity outside marriage). Just as I don’t care to read stories of characters with a colourful sexual history because I don’t agree with that kind of behaviour due to my Christian beliefs, I imagine those without similar beliefs are probably not interested in reading about sexual purity or abstinence before marriage, as it is not something they can relate to. Thankfully, I am blessed to have a small but vocal support group who really give me the impetus to keep writing these Christian stories.

Q: Are there any devices you use in your writing as a legally blind author?

A:  As I mentioned earlier, I absolutely would be lost without my iPad.  Actually, it is the larger sized iPad Pro.  I would also be lost without programs that give me the ability to resize the font so I can read it!  Thank God for technology!

If you made it to the end of this two-part interview, I hope you enjoyed getting to know my writing journey better.  God bless!

[ryuspike]

Shin Mao the Terrible... Dad

Despite the title, this is actually a pretty positive analysis of Mao Mao’s dad, Shin Mao. I say positive because ‘m not gonna be condemning this guy just because he is a bad father. Without a doubt he is guilty of committing some atrocious amounts of emotional abuse and neglect with his obvious favoritism. But if the episode “Small” is any indication, there is some logic behind his actions. So like Ol’ Blue sitting Mao Mao down for another therapy session, let’s dive in.

One of Shin Mao’s most notable characteristics is not his height, but the height of his ego. Much like Mao Mao, Shin Mao has an obsession with things needing to be grand no matter how mundane the task is. He doesn’t want you to just chop some fire wood, he wants you to mow down an entire forest in a single slice (god that hurts my environmental heart)! This mentality, much like his son, draws from his own insecurities.

Spoilers for the end of the episode “Small” but Shin Mao is actually a small cat in a big suit. This fact completely embarrasses him to the point that he doesn’t want Mao Mao to look at his shamefully weak body. This is why he has been so dismissive of Mao Mao all these years. He is basically projecting his own self loafing onto his son. Something that is clearly unhealthy for the both of them.

This is not to say that he doesn’t love his son. Shin Mao did appear hurt when Mao Mao called him out on the “embarrassing yourself” comment. Right before getting knocked out of his suit, he was about to say something to his son with a softer expression on his face. Chances are, it would not be as meaningful or heartfelt as “You are not small” but it does show that he does care about Mao Mao. It is just that his ambition to build a legacy to overcompensate for his meager height blinded him to his own children’s well-being.

Shin Mao is a tragic character who let his pride prevent him from being a truly loving father to his kids. With Mao Mao as the runt of the litter, Shin believed his son wouldn’t make it as a hero. In fact, this is where another trait of Mao Mao’s comes into play. In the episode “Thumb War” Mao Mao is revealed to easily give up on something when it seems like it is impossible to win. Sounds pretty familiar, huh? Shin Mao is basically Mao Mao if his ego wasn’t regularly reeled in. All of Mao Mao’s worse aspects were inherited by his father whether he knows it or not. A fact that Shin Mao begins to fully comprehend by episode’s end.

So what does this mean for Shin Mao’s future involvement in the series? My guess is that future episodes will have Shin try to repair his broken bond with his son. He dealt a lot of damage and literally missed out on much of his son’s life. I doubt that he would be completely redeemable as he is still a very prideful dude who doesn’t want others to see him as vulnerable or weak. He will still act like an asshole, but he will make more of an effort to try being a bit more thoughtful. Baby steps.

Something else that I’m predicting to happen in future episodes is the characters of Mao Mao’s sisters. Until Mao Mao, they were not runts. Shin Mao placed a lot of pressure onto them into being great heroes due to his insecurities. When we finally meet them, the Mao Sisters are going to be heavily affected by Shin’s selfish upbringing. I imagine that some of them will have huge egos due to Shin filling their heads with praise and admiration. Some of them will likely be stressed as they strive to be what their father wanted them to be. All of them will look down at Mao Mao in some way because Shin’s neglect of him would likely influence them to believe that Mao Mao is just some useless runt.

An episode that I hope that will be explored is Shin Mao, now humbled by his son, reveals his true self to his daughters. I can only imagine that Mao Mao’s sisters’ own perception of their father matches Mao Mao’s overly-glorified version of him. Their reaction to finding out that everything they thought they knew about their father would be shattered. One or more them might snap and go villain because they aren’t sure if being heroes was a lie too. It will be here that Shin Mao will be humbled once more as he learns of the negative effects his parenting had effected his family. He will learn the hard way how his actions will always come with consequence.

Is Shin a terrible father? Oh yes indeed. Does he deserve the hate he does? No doubt. Does he deserve redemption? It is my belief that everybody deserves the chance to be redeemed. Whether or not they succeed is determined by their effort and willingness to change. Shin Mao is on that path. He realizes now that he had made a terrible mistake by misjudging him based on his size. He will likely try to fix the mistakes he made by acting like the father he should’ve been long ago. How well he can accomplish this is up to him. Good luck Shin Mao!

Side Note: We don’t get too see Mao Mao’s mom in this episode but we now know he has one and she is not dead! I have to wonder what kind of woman has must be if she is married to a guy like Shin Mao? I imagine that she is like Badgerclops. Super mellow and serves as Shin’s anchor for when his head gets too full of hot air, but not strict enough to stop him from pushing his insecurities out onto their kids. Whether or not she is a good mom is up in their air, but there is one thing that I am certain of... There are people out there that want to bang her already. They don’t need to see her. Her existence is enough.

[megashadowdragon]

Fire Emblem: Three Houses - Perspective, Tragedy, and the Value of Connection

comment by a

Pinned by Aleczandxr)Table of Contents: Introduction: 0:00 Rhea and the Church of Seiros: 4:22 Claude and the Golden Deer: 15:35 Edelgard and the Black Eagles: 29:10 Dimitri and the Blue Lions: 37:57 Conclusion: 58:11 Please note that a decent portion of this video involves summarizing certain lore, backstory, character and plot elements in order to provide a foundation for my arguments about the themes and ideas presented. This game has an extensive and quite complex setting and story, and it is told piece-meal across four routes, so I felt the need to summarize them for the sections in which they were relevant. Also, the main point of this video is now to have four all-encompassing character analyses for Rhea, Claude, Edelgard and Dimitri, but to go over their backgrounds, mindsets, philosophies and how they are integrative with the game's main themes of perspective and the importance of a connection and "light" like Byleth. This isn't intended to discuss every little nuance of each character, and there are undoubtedly some things I left out about each of them, simply because they wouldn't contribute to the intent of the video. So simply put: don't expect me to talk about every aspect of these characters, because that isn't the point. HAVING SAID THAT - I now realize that the main problem with this video is that I didn’t really delve into Rhea to the fullest extent. In the process of writing her part I got a bit too caught up in leaning on summarizing the lore of the game and talking about how you can be her “light”  and didn’t give her quite as much sympathy as she deserved with regards to her motivations. My phrasing should’ve been more fair and elaborate to help justify her perspective. ALSO: Note that I said that Rhea created the Empire, but it’s more accurate to say that she fostered the founding of the Empire, which is what she said in the scene I provided.Show less

comments I saw on the channel

I think it’s interesting to characterize Byleth as a light for Dimitri and Edelgard but not for Claude. There’s some nice visual storytelling in the fact that in the reunion cutscene with Claude, he’s already in the light while Byleth has to walk out of the darkness to meet him (which is the exact opposite for Dimitri’s cutscene). It reinforces the fact that what Claude needs isn’t “a light” or someone to pull him up, but a partner and companion with the power to help bring his dreams to fruition.

Edelgarld isn't in need of a light either,  she also just needs someone who she can trust to break the stalemate situation,  because if byleth didn't come she would have still won the war with the help of cornelia and house Gloucester in the alliance,  this is made proof in the amount of chapters you have to beat.

yes she can win, but  the " with the help of Cornelia" caveat to that statement is the big problem there. Yes if Byleth didn't exist she likely would have been able to win the war, but in order to do so she would have had to sell her soul completely to the devil (TWSITD) and compromise her morals for the sake of victory. Once you start down that slippery slope, it's difficult to pull yourself back. We see this in the Azure moon route where Edelgard becomes so committed to attaining absolute victory, that she's barely even tries to reach an understanding with Dimitri to avoid greater bloodshed. She becomes convinced of the fact that only she knows what is right for Fodlan and is prepared to do anything to win, including using her own people as meat shields and trap bait if need be. She's even willing to quite literally surrender her own humanity in order to increase the odds of her success. Edelgard and Dimitri are both good people who find themselves surrounded by darkness in different forms. They both need Byleth to act as a guiding light of sorts to lead them out of that darkness and into the brighter future that they hope for.

I feel like in that cutscene Claude is in a way serving as Byleth’s light which is why they have to walk out to meet Claude in the light. Claude focuses mostly in comforting Byleth, offering food and companionship first and foremost and throughout the story serves more in a guiding or advisor role letting Byleth be the leader/figurehead. This is all the more clear in the final battle where Claude sets up Byleth for victory even at risk of his own well being.

The tragedy of the game really hit me when the new difficulty mode came out and I had to pick a route again. I realized that no matter what house leader I chose to support, it meant i would have to watch the lives of others end in tragedy because my choice deprived them of the support they would desperately need

@kamden madan  that’s why I feel like a dick in silver snow I canonically upheld a system that harmed my students was the  cause of multiple wars lead to death innocents and then put people  for responsible  said system on top with no reforms no matter how much I like the church characters I can’t side with them it makes me sick to the core .

if Byleth doesn't join any faction, Edelgard probably would have won eventually, but at that point she probably would've compromised so many of her moral stances that I'd see it more as TWSITD's victory and not Edelgard's

What I love about Edelgard is just how much the butterfly effect is conveyed with this one character. If you opt not to help her, she closes off her heart completely. She becomes a ruthless empress intent to conquer all and absolutely destroy anyone in her path with no qualms or empathy. But the one action you choose in the crypt changes everything. Edelgard did not expect Byleth to side with her. In every single situation, Byleth should try to kill her. They have absolutely nothing to gain and everything to lose by siding with her. The Church turns on them, they become one of the biggest enemies there. But in that instant, Byleth's choice to believe in Edelgard purely because they care about her shakes her to the core. When you next see her, she cries tears of joy over Byleth's reappearance. Her moves are less brutal and cruel, and she has opened up more to her fellow classmates. The Agarthans do not dominate every choice that Adrestia makes, and as such she tries to win the war while minimizing casualties. The Agarthans do not seize Faerghus, and Dimitri is not driven out. He does not lose himself with madness, and instead goes down as a noble king who harbored the Archbishop and tried his best to fend off Adrestia. Claude can be spared, which will ultimately lead to peace between Fodlan and Almyra as he is the next in line. Edelgard's willingness to show empathy pays off in the end, as she mentions that she wanted to create a treaty with the nation. Who better to help create ties than Claude? All because Byleth reached for her hand.Show less

I always wondered why there wasn't such a heavy emphasis on Edelgard's and Dimitri's relationship in BE but if you recall the conversation that Edelgard, Dimitri, Byleth and Hubert have right before the attack on the Empire in the BL route, it's revealed that Edelgard forgot that Dimitri was the boy that she stayed with for all those years which makes sense if you realise Edelgard was tortured shortly after her time in FaerghusShow less It is apparently a realistic symptom of trauma like Edelgard endured that huge chunks of her life surrounding the trauma would fade from memory. One of the things I liked a lot about 3H was that all four of the leads Byleth can side with are carrying around a lot of trauma but it manifests in very different ways for all of them. Of course, it's a major knife in the heart to realize that if things are consistent between Azure Moon and Crimson Flower, Edelgard's memories of who Dimitri was to her come back into focus when he calls her "El." Which in Azure Moon happens moments after they realize neither of them can back down and they're going to fight to the death for their principles, and in Crimson Flower happens as Dimitri's bleeding out at her feet.Show less

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Collective Action: an interview with Cory Doctorow, author of ‘Radicalized’

A few weeks ago, we reviewed Radicalized, a fantastic collection of four stories from author Cory Doctorow about the extreme measures that people (or a certain Kryptonian) will take to push back against extreme forms of oppression or circumstance.  

Recently, I had the chance to speak with Mr. Doctorow about what inspired these tales as well as what some of the real world parallels they were inspired from.

There will also be spoilers for the various stories in Radicalized (especially Model Minority), so make sure you’ve already them first…which you really should have already.

AiPT!: Every story in Radicalized is great, but Model Minority really stood out to me, mostly because it was one of the best and most uniquely structured Superman stories I’ve ever read. What was your approach going into it to make Model Minority different than what has come before it?

Cory Doctorow: Humans have always been portrayed as his Achilles heel, but I think there’s an even deeper [issue] for Superman that goes back to his origins as a character. He was created by Jewish men in Brooklyn who were horrified about the rise of Nazism across the Atlantic. They wanted to build an immortal and unstoppable hero who could conceivably punch Nazis until they…well, stopped being Nazis!

But the actual answer to Nazis in Europe — although there were many brave individuals — was in no way an individual action. In fact, the answer was the largest collective action in the history of the world.

For reason both noble and base, I think we like to frame big fights as a struggle between individuals. The heroic individual who was at the right place at the right time and makes the sacrifice that makes things happen. Humanitarian movements definitely cultivate this.

Rosa Parks gets a lot of press as a solitary hero for her bus protest during the Civil Rights movement. But she was actually a community organizer who—along with her colleagues—planned out a strategy to get her arrested so that a case would be keyed up with a certain set of legal consequences that would be easier to argue in court and play into existing precedencies. If Rosa Parks had merely been a lone individual who was brave enough to refuse to give up her seat, she likely would have died in jail. It’s because she was part of a huge collective that she was able to have such a huge impact.

That’s what Model Minority really tries to dig into—the limits of individual action and the importance of collective action. Our perception of the individual as the driving force for change (rather than the collective) is something that still has a paralyzing effect on society’s willingness to confront its own issues. Look at climate change. It’s not happening because you didn’t recycle enough. But chances are (if you live in a city) that your biggest contribution to climate change is probably your commute. But you can’t dig a subway— Elon Musk can’t do that. And if even you could, you couldn’t rezone all the buildings for it to work. It would have to be a collective action.

AiPT!: Aside from Model Minority, the rest of the stories in Radicalized had a very near-future, Black Mirror-esque feel. Do you see the technology and events that took place as things we will see in the next few years?

Doctorow: I’m not a believer in the ability of science fiction to predict the future because I’m not a believer in predictable futures. That’s one of the big differences between an activist and a futurist. Activists believe that the future changes based on what we do. If the future were predictable, there’d be no reason to bring forth an event to create change.

The model of these stories is to show that the future can be great if we just don’t f*ck it up. The thing that drives a story like Unauthorized Bread is not merely that it shows how technological oppression takes place. It also shows how technical liberation takes place. People put a lot of emphasis on what technology does, but often overlook who it does those things for and who it does those things to. Often times that’s way more important.

Masque of Red Death was inspired in part by Doug Rushkoff’s story where he spoke to a bunch of hedge fund managers about their doomsday bunkers. They were trying to figure out how to make their bunkers sustainable after the apocalypse, but what worried them in particular was that their guards would kill them and take their food. One of the solutions they came up with were biometric food lockers that would only open for them. Once again, the issue isn’t what the technology does, but who has their finger on the button controlling it.

Going back to Model Minority, we have these predictive policing tools like the one Bruce sold to the NYPD. In reality, those tools are super racist. Patrick Ball, who runs the Human Rights Data Analysis Group, took PredPol (which is a major predictive policing tool) and gave it 2016 policing data from Oakland. He then asked it to provide where it predicted the most drug crime would be in 2017. He was then able to compare its predictions to the NIH survey about drug usage.

Predpol predicted that all of the drug crime was going to take place in black neighborhoods, which follows the police pattern that created its training data. If you’re only asking black people to turn out their pockets to look for drugs, then you all the drugs you find are going to be in black people’s pockets. According to the NIH data, however, illegal drug usage was pretty much even across the entire area among all demographics.

Now think about this: Instead of unfairly targeting a group of people, you could potentially use the exact same technology and data provided by PredPol (compared with the NIH data) to determine if policing patterns are racially biased. It’s all about whose finger is on the button.

AiPT!: Do you see the crisis on America’s southern border as a potential breaking point for people to become radicalized on both sides of the issue?

Doctorow: As a Canadian, I am somewhat baffled by both the American relationship to guns and the American relationship to healthcare. Every country has blind spots—when I lived in England, I couldn’t believe a country that managed to conquer the world still hadn’t figured out plumbing.

But America’s blind spots are pretty weird. The fact that they can’t do something every other country in the world has figured out is pretty baffling. It also spawns another weird question: Why is it that frustrated white dudes routinely shoot up mosques or kill their ex-wives, but don’t murder the healthcare executives who doom the people they love most in the world to die a slow, painful death? The pat answer would be that those executives are protected by a large amount of wealth and power. It’s much easier to punch down than punch up.

The other thing that Radicalized tries to do is to rebut our dominant model of radicalization, which is the contagion model. The idea with that model is there are a lot of people out there with very bad and dangerous ideas. If you get exposed to those ideas, then you will have the ideas too and go do bad and dangerous things.

But there’s not a lot of evidence to support that. Boston University did a study on the history of suicide bombers in the occupied territory in the West Bank. What they found was the biggest predictor of whether someone became radicalized was not ideology or a commitment to violence—it was if they were already suicidally depressed.

That trauma model—where people who are traumatized become much more susceptible/vulnerable to people with bad ideas—is a much truer account of what goes on in radicalization. It suggests that what we really need to be doing is reducing the amount of trauma as opposed to the exposure of people to bad ideas.

AiPT!: Where do you see that model at work in the current global landscape?

Doctorow: I feel like the people who are fighting it are being affected by racism that has been compounded by trauma. We’ve had 40 years of tightening belts and shifts in wealth from the middle to the wealthy. This has produced a large group of people who are traumatized and ready to be radicalized by difficult circumstances.

This about it this way: You think you have a secure chair at the table. Then someone announces “Actually, it’s not your chair. It’s musical chairs and at the end of the every turn, we’re going to decide whether or not you get one. Oh, and by the way, we’re going to let a bunch of people who have never had a chair compete for the chairs, as well…and we’re going to take away chairs at a faster than any in point in human history.”

When you consider that framework, it’s not a surprise that people can become racist, xenophobic a------s. It doesn’t exonerate or excuse them, obviously, but it does help explain it.

The arguments anti-vaxxers make today aren’t any better or more informed than they used to be. It was a stupid argument then and it’s a stupid argument now. Same with flat eartherism. What changes are the material circumstances of the people who believe the arguments. When you look at the rise of authoritarian movements throughout history, they almost always follow some sort of collective trauma.

Another source of trauma for people is that despite the wealth of information at our fingertips, there is a collective inability to trust it. There so many different sources of information that it becomes impossible to adjudicate them all, which forces you to defer to whomever is deemed the expert…or whoever shouts their information the loudest. That’s part of the reason you can have the FDA saying for 15 years that opioids were safe. Even the government can’t be trusted as a source. This leads to people often times finding someone who “feels” like someone they can trust whether they are credible or not—and you just believe whatever they tell you.

AiPT!: Moving onto something a little more light-hearted: Is Superman (or any other character in the DC Universe) someone you’d like to revisit in the future?

Doctorow: Honestly, I didn’t really always want to write Superman. In this instance, Superman was simply the right metaphor for the bigger question about individual and collective action and being an ally.

Speaking as someone whose father was a Jewish immigrant refugee to Canada, it was odd to see how he was initially treated as a racialized minority, but later “became” white. It showed me how whiteness is socially constructed—and how the last people on the whiteness boat are usually the first ones to get kicked off. In Charlotte, we had people chanting “Jews will not replace us,” but there are still conservative Jews (including within my own family) who treat white supremacy as a small price to pay as support for Israel and other portions of the GOP agenda.

One thing I wanted to draw attention to in Model Minority is that Superman’s whiteness (and humanity) is assigned to him as a courtesy. It is entirely contingent on his support of the establishment, who can withdraw it at a moment’s notice. It also shows the difficulty of allyship. No matter what you go through to help others, your struggle will pale in comparison to the ones without your privilege who you’re trying to help. Just like when Superman was asked “Where were you for the last 100 years,” you might have to confront the fact that you were previously a part of the problem.

That’s not to say we need to play oppression Olympics with everyone to compete for who has struggled the most in society. But I do think we need to acknowledge that the daily experience of different people in different experiences is something that we can’t fully comprehend.

AiPT!: This probably won’t be possible with Model Minority due to all the licensing red tape you’d have to jump through, but are there plans to make any of the other stories in Radicalized into other media properties?

Doctorow: Unauthorized Bread is currently in development as a television project. That’s all I can say for now

www.adventuresinpoortaste.com/2019/08/13/collective-action-an-interview-with-cory-doctorow-author-of-radicalized/

[neo-culture-mafia]

NCT 2018 Reaction to Their S/O Wanting to Join Their Line of Work

(A/N This refers back to the first post I made about them and their positions within the syndicate)

LEE TAEYONG

Hunny, you are out of your damn mind if he will let anyone he loves come CLOSE to atleast grazing the tip of the ice berg of what he calls his work life. Even though he doesn’t let you get close to the work, he keeps you close to him. Once you ask, he thinks this is a joke and that you’re upset that some nights you don’t see him because of his job. In actual reality you want to join. You want to see what makes him tick and function every single day.

He’s smart and won’t let you get close though. If anything, he’ll start disappearing more so you don’t get the wrong idea and follow him to work one day. He wants you to work along side him, he wants to see your beautiful smile everyday, he wants to have your cooking everyday...but he wants your safety more. He already doesn’t get any relaxation away from home because he doesn’t know when he’ll come home and you won’t be there because you’ve been taken or you were just fed up with being lonely. His high-up position doesn’t help your position either. 

“I care...I always care...that’s my problem.”

__________

MOON TAEIL

He’ll laugh in your face. He already hates being in the position he hates so adding you into the equation doesn’t even want to be thrown across his mind. If he was a prospect or even just an associate, MAYBE. However, him being first bred Under-Boss, you aren’t going to find much luck with your requests.

Along with Taeyong, he just wants to guarantee your safety. He’s taught you how to defend yourself if he wasn’t home and something were to happen. He’s also taught you were to go if you were ever in danger (it’s not headquarters though). He goes through every Godly measure possible to make sure you NEVER get wrapped up in something he shouldn’t have even dragged you into in the first place. 

“Some people just care too much...it’s called love.”

____________

SEO JOHNNY 

He was always worrying about you even if he didn’t want to let it show. He would only say yes because he knows he couldn’t live with himself if he came home and you weren’t there because his work got in the way. Once he said yes though, STRICT. You both would actually move into one of the dorms on the base* because he didn’t want to risk having someone hurt you on your commute. (*you called it ‘The Compound’ and he didn’t like it because it reminded him of a prison, which it wasn’t)

He loved his work...just not as much as you. You are his rock and if you were gone...so was he. He protected you with all the force and power he had within himself. You would be working an office-style job just so you wouldn’t hurt yourself on a knife or something. This is the same man that bubble-wrapped all the corners of your house because you stubbed your toe...then an hour later his gang was on TV for wire transferring all the money from the national bank. 

“When strict with someone else, both rarely fails.”

_____________

NAKAMOTO YUTA

He hated to send you to Korea when he was stationed in Japan, but he felt it was safest for you. You had asked him, and he ran the idea across Taeyong. Tae was okay with the idea, but with the tensions with Yakuza being so high in Japan, he decided for the time being that you would need to train and prepare in Korea. Every day you trained with his colleagues and stayed on base going over practice missions and runs. Every weekend he would fly to Seoul and help you train. 

He needed you to be prepared for whatever you were getting yourself into with Neo Culture. He believed that after training you could handle your own. He would help you get transfer papers so you could be stationed with him. He would rule with you along side him. In outsiders eyes you were just a soldier, sometimes sniper. In his eyes and the eyes of his members, you were the queen that deserved and demanded as much respect as he did. 

“She is the queen that can go from royalty to gangster in .5 seconds.”

________

QIAN KUN

Even though he was on the down-low himself, it was still a no from him. He was hesitant to say no because he thought you just wanted to learn medical background, but after realizing you wanted to go farther with it...it was a flat out no. He got protection for him and his family in China and you were also under that protection plan. 

He loved how you admired his work but he just couldn’t find the willingness inside his heart to put you at risk for anything. He understood where you were coming from and decided that he would always keep you informed on everything because that’s all you really wanted. You just wanted to be there. 

“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.”

(IT IS SO HARD FINDING TOUGH LOOKING PICTURES OF KUN!!! HE’S SUCH A LIL’ BEAN!)

_________________

KIM DOYOUNG

His sass and diva-ness would come out. He would make it seem as if you weren’t cut out for this, that you would never get anywhere, that you would be nothing in the group. But he knew he was lying to not only you but himself. He would get carried away with his words and once he saw your eyes fill with tears, he would get upset and regretful. You were a tough cookie and a force to be reckoned with and he knew that, but his words resorted you to a mess of small whimpers and a few stray tears. 

He along with the other boys just wanted to protect you the most he could. All he could do once he apologized for his words with hugs and more sweet words, was try to make you understand where he was coming from. You also explained that you looked up to him and you just wanted to be closer to him and learn the things that he does. He teaches you some stuff eventually, some at home, and a couple of times at the base.

“When you love someone, you protect them from the pain you’re not supposed to cause.”

_____________

TEN

You actually worked alongside him from the beginning. You both trained together since you were little. You were each other's ride or die before ‘die’ was even put into the equation. He loved working along side you so when he couldn’t demonstrate something, you were there with flexibility. Plus he loved how you were the only woman trainer and he was the only one who could come close to touching you. 

When he was first sworn in, he took videos of you to show Taeyong. Taeyong didn’t even have to think twice. The only thing is that if you slipped up, Ten would get the brute force of it all. You were both carefree and fun in your lives though so you both understood eachother well. 

“If you hurt my queen, I can make your death look like an accident.”

_________________

JUNG JAEHYUN

He actually considered it for a couple days. Then he was called into work for an interrogation. He didn’t mind it, and thought nothing of it...just doing his job. Once he walked in and saw the man sitting there, he sighed. He ‘tsked’ as he came closer. “I know about you.” Jaehyun said as he set his box full of instruments down on the small metal table next to his chair. He actually knew nothing about this man, just routine. The man just rolled his eyes. “Yeah...sure.” He said and spit at Jaehyun’s feet. Jaehyun turned his chair around and sat down backwards. “Tell me my man...I already know what you did...you already know what’s gonna happen...just spit it out al-” “How’s y/n doing?” The man asked and Jaehyun sat there, emotionless...cold with the look of merciless murder stuck in his eyes. “Still kissing the sam-” Jaehyun didn’t let the man finish before a bullet was placed in his skull. He chuckled as he set his gun down back on his hip. He shook his head, resting it on top of his arms.

He knew he was lying. You and Jae have known eachother since diapers. You wouldn’t do something like that, he wouldn’t even have to think twice about it. Now he realized that you were known by others, and he needed to take more drastic measures. Once he got home, he took you, essentials, and money and ran back to base. You understood and stayed hidden. You didn’t work, and you stayed put - regretting even asking to get involved. 

“It doesn’t matter what is infront of her...because I’m right there behind her.”

_____________

DONG SICHENG (WINWIN)

He’s already lost most of his family so he says yes...TO OFFICE WORK. He only says yes so he can keep an eye on you at all times. When I mean all times I mean ALL TIMES. Your desk is right by his...filing cabinet, next to his...coat hanger, next to his...wanna take a nap? Pull out couch next to his desk...Wanna eat lunch? He owns the restaurant you’ll BOTH be dining at.

He blames himself for what happened with his own family so he takes ALL precaution on keeping you by his side forever. You are more than willing to stay by him and stand with his ‘ridiculous’ rules. You understand that he can’t lose you so you have no problem in constantly reassuring him with your cooperation that you are not going anywhere. 

“I’m afraid to lose you, for I will lose myself.”

____________ KIM JUNGWOO

He would be okay with having you shoot his sniper a couple times. Well he would kind of let you pull the trigger. You would lay super close to him and he would have the finger on the trigger. Your hand would be atop of his, ready to push your finger to get him to shoot. He had calibrated his gun so that only a certain amount of pressure would shoot it off. You being a smaller individual and not worked on your strength still needed help. You would press down on his trigger finger and would take it as the sign to shoot. On ground projects were a no-no for you. You were his and him being a manipulator would mean you would be following his actions. 

You were his and even though he was nice and soft looking along with being pretty good at sharing...he was not okay with sharing you. He understood that you had the guts and understanding of what he did, but he couldn’t bring himself to just let you go and run to do work. 

“I’m not jealous, but when something is mine...it’s mine.”

____________

WONG YUKHEI (LUCAS)

He doesn’t even want you to work an office job. You understood what he does and how he is used to get information out of people. You believe you could do the same using the same methods. He doesn’t deny you could get ALOT of people do give up ALOT of information with your body, but he just doesn’t think it’s for the best. He sees the nasty and cruelness of it all and while he’s usually on the superior end of the mix, you would most likely be on the opposite side. It’s very easy to take over you especially when your smaller and a little weak. 

He’s afraid that you’ll see him on the job and get the wrong idea. He only has intentions and eyes for you, but to see those eyes trained on someone else can send you into a spiral of jealousy. He’s the same way though so for right now atleast, you will have to wait. 

“It’s not the love that changes, but the mask he puts on everyday.”

____________

LEE MARK

He took it as a joke for weeks. You pestered him about it until one day he snaps. “NO, NO, NO. Just stop! You’re doing it to make me angry and it’s working. Are you happy? You wouldn’t be doing anything useful. You would sit your ass down and wait! For what? NOTHING! Just listen to me the first time, y/n!” He backed you into the corner, spitting his harsh words like knives. You knew he wouldn’t touch you or hurt you, he was doing it to make sure he had the upper hand. He was expecting you to sit back, bite your tongue, and apologize with tears in your eyes...but it took a turn. “No. You listen to me the first time, Mark!” You said and pushed his chest back. He had his gaze cold on the exterior but on the inside he was shocked...and impressed. “Stop shutting people out and putting everyone’s safety before yours. Let me do this, let me prove myself, let me be with you.” You said as you pushed him more. He just heard you out silently. “I’m tired of staying up all night waiting for a fucking call saying you were hurt and you’re not coming home. I’m tired of being separated on lock downs and not being able to see you everyday. I’m tir-” 

He wouldn’t waste time once he pieced everything together, You were hurt and you needed help. You needed him. He finally understood fully and once he did he moved both of you together, He was still new at the whole relationship thing, but he wanted this one to last. He knew it had too and he was ready to do anything to see you happy and safe. 

“I’m not jealous, I’m territorial. Jealous is wanting something that isn’t yours. Territorial is protecting the one thing that is already yours.”

(I GOT CARRIED AWAY OMG I’M SO SORRY)

_______________

HUANG RENJUN 

You both have anger issues so when you brought up how you wanted to join he was angry that he wasn’t censoring his life from you. Then you got angry at him being angry for no reason. He doesn’t want you wrapped up in all of this because you have a chance at a normal life. He feels as if he had hit a dead-end and this is all he has left. He doesn’t want this for you.

He will distance himself from you and try to break things off softly. Yet when you showed up at the Junior Forces Dorm with an upset expression and a broken heart in the middle of the night, he realized how delicately you were built. Maybe it was the hallucination serum Jeno gave him to distract his sense of loss, or how you were drenched in rain as you stood there in his sweatshirt but he realized he needed you more than he needed this life. He lets you come around, but is very blunt with other people about the reasons why. 

“I would break my own heart to protect yours.”

_____________

LEE JENO

He thought he was under another hallucination when you asked him to take you back to base to train with him and his friends. You thought it was cool what he did so you wanted to learn from him. He laughs it off and suggests cuddling instead. You were dissapointed as you agreed but he was silently going crazy over the conversation. 

He was worrying that you would go against him and get yourself in trouble with getting mixed up with the wrong people. He wanted what was best for you and he understood that it wasn’t easy just sitting on the sidelines and watch him do dangerous yet enticing work, but it’s what was safest. 

“I decline to accept your invitation to your ideal life of badassery and dangerous agendas.”

____________ LEE DONGHYUCK (HAECHAN)

He was super cool with letting you sit back and watch and possibly join him on hits and missions. Especially because it was more believable for a young couple to get ice cream and sit outside rather than a random boy in a school uniform sitting there making awkward eye contact with his subject while he licks his ice cream cone. He had a habit on forgetting to look natural, so when your giggles pulled him back to reality he remembers he was supposed to be acting like a regular teenager on a date. 

He was really good at listening to 2 conversations at once so he talks to you about your day while he figures out where the bomb is hiding. He loves going on those little ‘work’ dates but once he’s forced to go into higher up parties, he makes sure to leave you behind with a good hug and a promise to be back before you fall asleep. 

“Putting on a brave face for the ones you love the most is most ideal when you’re supposed to be two different people.”

______________

NA JAEMIN

He held you close to him after you had gotten out of school. You were a broken individual that keeps getting the piss beat out of them on the daily. He didn’t find it fair but because of where he was within the ranks, he couldn’t go and beat the shit out of the people that was doing this to you. His hands were tied as he watch you fall apart. You suddenly sat up and proposed the idea that you join and he could teach you how to work with explosives and fire so you could get revenge and stand up for yourself. “I’m sorry, bunny.” He wiped you tears away quickly, hating to shoot your idea down. “I don’t think it works like that.” He said and he watched as your eyes grew more wet and your head disappeared into his shoulder again.

He wanted you to join, but it would have to come when you were a little older. You needed to finish school and then he wouldn’t have a problem teaching how to take out your aggression using flames and such. But for now, you and him needed to wait. Right now he just needed to hold you and make you feel wanted. 

“Be patient. Everything is coming together.”

_______________

ZHONG CHENLE

Made a deal with you. If you could get out of the hardest escape room in the city in less time than he did, then he would introduce you to the guys. You went...and you were 2 seconds...over time...I know, it’s depressing. He still thought it was worthy enough. He introduced you to everyone and you all clicked very mutually. 

He is okay with you sitting beside him and figuring out the fastest and safest ways out...just as long as you’re not the one who has to get out. He is protective for the right reasons but still give you room to breathe. 

“Our skills are the keys that set us free.”

____________________

PARK JISUNG

He tried to hide the practice that he did from you. You knew mafia related, and you knew what he did. He thought you would leave him like his family did once you found out. But from the text messages and the computer file marked ‘ANTI-DOCTOR REMEDIES’ you did some research and concluded what he did. You didn’t despise him, it was his job. You wanted to work along side him for a while.

The first time you accompanied Jisung to an enemy case...you got 5 steps in the door and ran out. You let him do what he needed and after he got cleaned up, he came back and wouldn’t let you go until you told him you were okay. He knew you wouldn’t last 30 seconds but he just wanted to see your flustered reaction to be completely honest. He was impressed that you got the nerve to even follow him down the hallway to the ‘appointment.’ He would share it with you, but leave out the gruesome imagery. 

“Reversal is such a mind relaxer.”

[benscursedkid]

What about 27,28,29,30,31,46,63 and 71 for Rebekah and Jacob?

of course!! thanks for asking, bubs, and i hope you enjoy! 💞✨

27. What is their biggest strength? 

Rebekah- her biggest strength as a character would probably have to be her determination. not to be confused with stubbornness, she’s not a particularly stubborn individual, it’s more like the second she sets her mind to something she cares about and matters to her, she’ll make damn sure she achieves it, whatever it may be. it ranges from idle tasks to making sure she studies for a certain amount of time, doesn’t forget to put away her journals, reminds her friends of this and that to, say, finding her missing brother and making her family whole again. it would definitely take something huge and extremely impactful to deter her from her quest.

Jacob- i would say that his biggest character strength is also one of his biggest character flaws. his ability and willingness to adapt to others has proven in the past to be very useful in his pursuit of the vaults– it makes it easier to trust him and believe the things he tells you. it’s also something that made him fairly well liked among his peers. he was whoever he needed to be, whoever you wanted him to be. unfortunately, this also made him a bit of an enigma, hard to place and understand. his few friends and close family members are really the only ones who truly knew him, and he was grateful for them, but because of his dicey charisma, he often times found himself more lonely than not.

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

Rebekah- i think it’s fairly safe to say she’s aware of the quality in herself, but if asked, i doubt she would assume that it’s necessarily her biggest strength. she’s more likely to guess something like creativity or kindness. and while these are definitely defining character traits that should be valued, as an individual, they’re not quite as useful as her determination.

Jacob- likewise, he probably wouldn’t assume it’s his biggest character strength, but he is much more aware of the quality and does place it higher up on a list of valued traits of his. probably only behind his intelligence and creativity in his mind.

29. How would they describe their own personality?

Rebekah- so, i wouldn’t go as far to say she’s particularly self-deprecating, but she definitely doesn’t give herself enough credit. she doesn’t really think of herself or her personality as anything truly special, so, if asked, she’d likely say something along the lines of “average” or “background”. however, it’s actually something that doesn’t really bother her. she’s okay with it and, to tell you the truth, she doesn’t think she’d be able to handle the life of someone so significant. she’s perfectly fine to sticking to her quiet corners and forgotten hallways.

Jacob- varies depending on when you ask him. if you were to ask him before attending Hogwarts, he’d probably say something a bit happier and encouraging, though still quite modest. after starting school, he probably wouldn’t even know where to begin defining himself. in years 1-4, he’d be more prone to saying “intelligent”, “creative”, and “friendly”. years 5-6 though? he’d have no idea. it’s around that time that he loses himself, so your guess, really, is as good as his. finally, after being let out of the portrait curse five years later, he’d definitely say something darker, more like, “no good”, “absent”, and, “more trouble than he’s worth”.

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

Rebekah & Jacob- for both, it depends heavily on the level of fright. if it’s a silly little jump scare played by a friend or a harmless spook around Halloween, they’re more likely to let it go and even have a laugh at themselves. but if it’s something more threatening, possibly on the verge of life-or-death, their first isnstict is definitely to fight or defend; protect. whether it be themselves or someone else who may be with them at the time, it doesn’t really matter.

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

Rebekah- i love this question for Rebekah in particular because her levels of selfish/selflessness are very muddled. in general, she’s not a very selfish person. when it comes to friends and people she cares about, she’s more likely to put their needs before her own. as i stated earlier, she’s big on making sure the people around her are comfortable. so, more often than not, she tends to be rather selfless with them. however, though the occurrence itself is very rare, when Rebekah gets particularly attached to a person, because of what happened with Jacob and her parents, she gets absolutely terrified of losing them. she’ll do just about anything to make sure it doesn’t happen, even if her methods aren’t very conventional. however, if the person is around to tell her what they want, she’s more inclinded to listen and take their words into account. in Jacob’s case, for example, he wasn’t there to tell her what he wanted or why he disappeared, so she automatically assumed he was stuck and wanted to come home... because that’s what she wanted. when Penny asked her what she would do if, perhaps, he didn’t want to be found, she didn’t believe it and couldn’t accept it because “why wouldn’t he wand to come home? of course he does!” she didn’t stop to consider what she’d do if he didn’t because she wanted him back so much, she couldn’t stand the thought. she just blantantly refused to think about it at all, despite the possibility that he truly felt that way. luckily for her, that wasn’t the case, but anyone who’s caught up knows that he’s not the best at showing it.

Jacob- also not especially selfish. in fact, i’d even go as far to say that, looking at the big picture, he’s probably a bit more selfless than Rebekah. this comes as a bit of a surprise for a lot of people who are familiar with the both of them as Rebekah is particularly known for being kind and caring and altogether one who puts others first. while Jacob is likewise understanding and good, the only time he’s ever truly put his needs above all else is after he began to lose himself in the vaults. but during this time he wasn’t really himself, the vaults and R having corrupted and changed him, poisoned his mind and tried to mold it to their own benefit. so, taking this into account, he’s shockingly the less selfish sibling. and one person who he will always put first, even if it means distancing himself and allowing her to hate him, is Rebekah. but what he doesn’t seem to understand is that what he thinks is best for her isn’t the same as what might actually be best for her. but i suppose they’re both guilty in the regard.

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

Rebekah- she can express her emotions well enough. she’s very gentle and kind-hearted and she feels that expressing emotions is very important in relationships of all kinds. it’s not hard for her to tell someone what she thinks or how she feels– unless it’s a romantic confession, those take a while –and she’s pretty good at it. as for hiding emotions? it’s a bit harder considering she’s kind of an open book. i mean, she doesn’t even lie about pursuing the vaults. everybody knows. she really only lies to the staff when she’s doing something she specifically isn’t supposed to. but, because of this, she has learned to get better at lying and dissuading a conversation when she doesn’t want to talk about something. so over the years, she has gotten better at hiding things.

Jacob- he is equally as good at expressing his emotions as he is hiding them... which is fairly good. he’s a bit less private than his sister in a general sense. he’s not particularly quiet, nor is he very shy like she is. he’s more outgoing and talkative than she is for the most part. he doesn’t mind explaining himself and doesn’t find it difficult to express and regulate his emotions. however, it’s also relatively easy for him to hide his emotions. don’t play poker with him. unless you’re particularly close with him, it’s extremely hard to know what he’s thinking whenever he does go quiet. but, thankfully, the small few people who are close with him and do understand him know this and are patient with him. this, in turn, relaxes him and makes him more comfortable around them. he’ll tell them if he thinks it’s something they either ought to know or would like to know.

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

posted here! ✨

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

Rebekah- very good with children. like with most people, she’s good at knowing just what the child needs. if it’s a quieter child, she can be quiet and comforting. if the child is more lively and energetic, she can do that, too. children like her company and kindness. having children was always something she wanted eventually. that hasn’t really changed much. like a lovesick teenager, she would occasionally imagine what having a family with Ben might be like, but she understands that’s way down a line they haven’t even crossed yet and also depends heavily on his feelings towards the matter. as of sixth year, everything is messy and bleak so it’s not really something she thinks much about anymore. though, her and Ben do end up having three children after the second war. two sons and a daughter. the oldest being their son Eddie, their second son as the youngest, Noah, leaving their daughter Sienna stuck being the middle child.

Jacob- also amazing with kids. he’s a bit more active and lighter than Rebekah. where she’s shy and gentle and rather quiet, he is very sociable, outgoing, and just generally playful. children love his enthusiasm and playing with him is always fun. he’s a bit on the taller side at 6’2, so they also like climbing all over him. but if he’s with a child who’s more timid or quiet, it has never failed him to read them a story or break out the art supplies and let them loose on the paper. as for having children, he always thought it was a nice idea. he loved being a big brother growing up and helping Rebekah learn things and keep her company. he was rather good at it, too. unfortunately though, as of where things are right now, he’s no longer so sure. it’s not so much that he doesn’t want them anymore more than it is he doesn’t necessarily think it’s the best idea. after all that’s happened and the things he’s done, he’s scared to mess up and not be the father they need or the kind that they deserve. i’m personally still on the fence on whether that’s in the cards for him down the line. the only person he could really see himself doing that with in the past was Stelina... but he’s definitely not going to seek her out after what he’s put her through.

[theonceoverthinker]

“The Heart of the Truest Believer” Unused Script Snippets Compilation

So, as some of you know, recently I was lucky enough to win a script for “The Heart of the Truest Believer” in an OUAT auction. I think scripts are some of the most fun things you can win in auctions like these -- it’s cool to see how lines change and develop over the course of the writing and filming processes, they open the door to additional fun fan speculation, and of course, we get to see lines and actions that didn’t make the cut and in some cases, maybe see a completely new product!

And now that I have the script, I wanted to share it with everyone so we can do all of that groovy stuff!

There were a fair amount of changes, additional bits of dialogue, and honestly just funny things I noticed that I wanted to point out to laugh at like a fourth grader! I put in every thing that was in the script, but not in the episode, but if there’s a scene or something from the episode that you want to see, please let me know and i’ll see what I can do to get it to you (Sorry, buying the scripts and scanning can get expensive and I’m going to London this summer)!

Also, there’s a fair amount of shippy stuff in here, namely for Swan Fire, Sleeping Warrior, and Captain Swan (Ergo, the early ship tags). It’s not all that’s in here by any means, but I do want you going into this knowing that. 

Finally, as a personal plea from me, let’s please try not to go too beserk over this, or rather, like our fandom sometimes tends to do. I wanted to share all of this good stuff for fun and archival purposes and I’d hate to inadvertently cause the next fandom war. And look, I get it: Fandoms be fandoms and my plea probably won’t factor into much in the grand scheme of things, but hey, I had to try, am I right? Just remember to treat each other the way you’d want to be treated. Certain scenes and ship that you might not like could mean a great deal to others and we should all try and respect each other. 

Okay! Now that that’s out of the way, without further adieu, join me under the cut and let’s get to it!

First off, here’s a little observation: Apparently, in addition to comforting Emma, the doctor was supposed to give Emma a tissue. And given the sentences before that note, she’d definitely need it. :(

Another small cut line, but it makes you think just what a war on magic would be like. Also, I love the buildup of Tamara and Greg as these big antagonists and a third faction to counter the efforts of Pan and the heroes, only to pull the rug up from them and the audience. Kind of reminds me of how Dragon Ball Z transitioned from the androids to Cell.

Okay, enough nerding out! Moving on!

I was so happy that we got a juicy little bit of Rumple-y goodness in here! While I’m personally okay with the scene being excluded from the final episode, I do love how this scene builds up Rumple’s transformation back into his Dark One persona. I love the idea of the most dramatic spinning in television history and that crescendo of suspense. You know Isham would’ve had a time and a half orchestrating this scene! Can you just imagine the strings and the percussion?!

And speaking of Rumple, here’s some more Rumple dialogue!!! It builds on what we got in the final version in a more detailed way and makes for a strong moment in the Emma and Rumple dynamic. 

As an added bonus, if you look at the bottom left of the page, it appears that whoever previously had this script helped setting up the sets! So that’s nifty!

Tamara is Spider-Man. OUAT/MCU CROSSOVER CONFIRMED!!

In a similar vein, we see Greg and Tamara here trying to do a bit more damage to the enemies than what we got in the finished episode.  

Phillip! That’s Lumiere’s line! Silly man...

We get a bit more unused dialogue here (Loving the “arrow” joke!)! It’s basically just exposition, but we do get a bit of colliding personalities in here, especially between Neal and Mulan. Considering that these characters don’t get a ton of screen time after this season, this was a nice discovery to uncover.

I also like the smidge of character development Mulan got from Belle -- she’s now taken an interest in seeking knowledge after seeing how effective it can be!

More towards the bottom of the page, here we get two things that I found cool. First, we see a bit more to the guessing game of what is attacking the Jolly Roger and for certain Killian fans, seeing a Kraken out there is pretty cool! 

Second...look the descriptions of some of the actions in these scripts is just phenomenal. And if you ever want to ensure a good ole case of alcohol poisoning, take a drink every time the F word is used! You will be PLASTERED before long! XD

We get a lot of additional dialogue here with some twinges of both Swan Fire and Sleeping Warrior nestled neatly in the actions and dialogue. My friends, I’d have KILLED to see that hand hold in the final product! I also really admire Neal’s steadfast determination here! It’s very reminiscent of Baelfire and is just utterly heartwarming to see how much he cares about his family.

And on top of that, we get a smidge more lore for the after effects of the sleeping curse! I’m no lore snob and I do find the explanation to be a biiiiiiiit weird, but hey -- it’s OUAT and weird is what I signed up for! It works well enough for me.

Tamara, you can’t blame others for your actions! You know better...or at least you should. I don’t know. For a while, at least, you seemed pretty smart and devious. 

But more importantly than that: THE DARK ONE IS BACK! ...I just really liked that line. It reminds me of that old movie Commando. Rumple was trying to leave his past behind...sort of, but to save what matters to him, he’s gotta go back to his old ways. It’s a great mix of menacing and oddly triumphant! Honestly, it just sounds badass and I love that script note!!! 

Like I said...the drinking games that could stem from these scripts could KILL someone! ...There’s nothing new here: I just thought this was funny.

MOVING ON!

Once again, we see some more Neal and Mulan dialogue with both direct and indirect nods to Swan Fire and Sleeping Warrior! I just have a lot of feels for these two, okay?!

So, we’ll see this a bit later in more detail, but there seemed to be something of a D-plot about the Jolly Roger sinking as a result of the storm. It’s only mentioned in the final product during the scene where our team finally arrives on the island, but there’s quite a few lines about this being more of a substantial plot point than what we ended up getting. Once again, I’m overall okay with its exclusion since the conflict of them having to work together was the more important part of the conflict. 

And hey! We get a little bit of CS dialogue too, and I’m not complaining about that at all! I can’t help but feel like had that been included, it (Namely Killian calling Emma a sailor) would’ve been one of those OUAT-y things that just makes its way into all kinds of fan works -- like an OUAT meme that’s not played for comedy. You get what I’m saying? Ah well! 

Let’s keep going!

...Again, not new, but the script direction was just too funny to leave out of this post!

Here we get a bit more dialogue of Emma trying to get her reluctant teammates to listen to her. While I’m fine with the scene as we got it, I would’ve liked it if this went into the final version. It builds up Emma’s desperation nicely and gives their lack of teamwork a subtle hint of tragedy that a solution is literally right in their face, but they won’t listen.

I also like that there’s a bit more to Hook’s extra line. Does one take it as him not believing her alongside the group, or him believing her and tragically pointing out that no one else does? I think the ultimate interpretation would’ve come down to how Colin played it, but I appreciate the nuance of the line!

So, here, like I said before, here’s where we get more of the meat of the Jolly Roger sinking plot point. There’s more of a weight to it. As I said before, while I like this extra dialogue, I do think that the final version was effective enough in showing the team working together and that an extra scene wouldn’t have contributed that meaningfully to it in the overall grand scheme of things.

That all having been said, additionally, we get some awesome Emma here, and I am always a fan of that! We get to see a bit of smugness with that “I was right” line and some frack-a-lackin’great leadership as she leads the group onto Neverland’s shores! It’s an honestly cool moment and I’m picturing Jen slaying as she delivers these great lines!

As you might be able to see on the first picture in this set, there’s a bit of cutoff dialogue. Unfortunately, that’s how I got the script and it happens occasionally in this script. However, if I may speculate, going by Emma’s next line, it seems like Hook was telling her that if they follow through with her plan, Pan will know they’re on his island for sure and will likely be able to find them with relative ease. It’s fitting for Hook’s view of Pan for him to be apprehensive about giving Pan an in like this and makes Emma’s willingness to go into the metaphorical fires of Neverland to be even cooler!

Finally, we end off with another bit of Swan Fire, and it’s honestly pretty touching! Like, he cries over her and she’s the love of his life! That’s just sweet!

Also, I’m pretty sure that Robin line at the top is new, and it’s pretty funny! Robin’s character does snark really well!

And with that, our journey through the uncut side of “The Heart of the Truest Believer” is complete! I hope you all liked these snippets and maybe got a bit more material to think on! I know I did!

[thehivemindwrites]

A  Series of Disconnected Thoughts, Cast into the Void in No Particular Order

1. I’ve been finding myself thinking more and more about Kill Six Billion Demons recently. Not just because it’s absolutely gorgeous artwork and Moebius-meets-prog-metal stylings are extremely my shit (KSBD is responsible for adding Gojira to my rotation of workout music, and that alone has me in its debt), but because I can really appreciate a main character who is a walking disaster coming to some kind of enlightenment through a combination of getting her ass handed to her repeatedly, making questionable decisions, and basically just deciding to struggle forwards because I don’t know, what the fuck else is there to do? It’s hardly original (see: basically any shounen about The Power of Friendship and Not Giving Up) but damn if the presentation of it in this particular case isn’t particularly delightful. Plus it gave us the image of a giant hulking demon wearing a jacket that says KILL BOSS and that’s rad.The creator of KSBD is also co-creator, as it happens, of the newly released Lancer TTRPG, which I backed on Kickstarter and will, one day, get a rad fucking hardcover copy of (but for now I’m reading through the pdf and swearing oaths that one day I will play it). Anyway, as someone who also got where he is through a series of questionable decisions and getting his ass handed to him by life in general (oh, and an enormous amount of luck), I can relate. Plus the phrase “Reach heaven through violence,” while kind of terrible on the surface, feels good to shout at yourself while you’re off for a run. 

2. Part of this whole exercise thing - a side-effect of it, if you wanna call it that - is that generally I feel better about myself like in general. I’ve mentioned that before. What it doesn’t do, of course, is magically mean that I’m now 100% good and not still dogged by a persistent sense of self-loathing that I’ve just had to accept will never really go away. Like for example: I’ve lost 35 kg since starting this whole gym thing, except you might remember the goal was 40. I still haven’t hit that goal, and frankly I’ve spent the last like three months bouncing around the same like, 3 kg zone because I’ve been traveling a lot and that basically fucks up my workout and eating routine. It’s frustrating, and it sure does let the part of me that knows deep down that I’m a fat fucker and always will be no matter what I do run wild from time to time. Which is, I’m coming to understand, just gonna always be there. This stuff doesn’t go away! Ever! 

Which doesn’t mean it’s right, even a little. You tune it out and throw yourself into battle with it over and over again. You get bloodied and broken and claw back and then you get bloodied and broken some more. Insert that gif from Princess Bride of Westly saying LIFE IS PAIN, HIGHNESS here. Thing is, there’s something about the struggle that’s nice. I am not sure how motivated I’d be to do anything if part of it wasn’t motivated by the desire to prove my dumb brain wrong about, uh, me. If I wasn’t fighting the various little demons that plague me every so often, I doubt I’d be so well-adjusted. I certainly wouldn’t be mentally healthy. None of this makes sense as I read it back, of course - it sounds like I’m saying “boy it’s nice to be miserable,” which isn’t true. Being miserable sucks shit! I don’t recommend it! But it is nice to see misery coming and punch it in the face (metaphorically speaking). Sometimes I think the thing that makes me go to the gym and work so hard (this sounds like I’m bragging, but I can assure you I’m not - “work so hard” means “not collapse and fall off the elliptical after five minutes because oh god I don’t want to be here”) is out of some desire for self-annihilation through pushing myself past my physical limits. Reach heaven through violence (see, I told you it sounded cool).

3. The world has gotten really fucking bad for a lot of people, and I don’t know that it will get better for them any time soon. In fact, given the latest talk from the ol’ UN Climate Change report, it’s gonna get even worse. I would very much prefer that were not the case! It’s motivation enough to get out and vote and shit, at least for me - and as someone who is, you know, ridiculously privileged, that’s the absolute least I can do. Which is why I try to do more, mostly involving donating money to causes that seem like they’re able to cause the sort of trouble that needs to be caused. Or just use expertise to protect the people I don’t know how to protect, because I’m a lot of things, and one of them happens to be smart enough to know that I don’t know shit. So I make sure people that do know shit have the money they need. Pretty straightforward, I think. 

The other thing I try to do, because giving money isn’t really something I think about much at all (I’m stupidly fucking fortunate to have a job that pays well, remember), is occasionally go out and actually be present at protests and the like - there are a lot of climate protests and they’re all a good time. Occasionally it’s worth overcoming one’s intense social anxiety to do so. Lord knows it’s significantly less of a risk for me to be out shouting at cops than most. 

4. She-Ra might be one of the best shows out there. There’s something nice about a show that both does and does not present a simple world. Yes, the Horde is bad. Like, objectively bad! They do a lot of looting and subjugating and are generally just deeply not chill people.On the other hand, the people who make up the Horde are still people, and I have a lot of time for a show that can manage to humanize its Big Bad Villain whilst still making it very clear they are  still, you know, not good. It’s messy, and complicated, and sad, because sometimes you have to fight people you used to be friends with! Sometimes you have to make the call that hey, we can’t be friends anymore, because I can’t support the things you’re doing anymore. I’ve made that call before - I bet everyone has, at some point (if you haven’t, I’m sure you’ll have to eventually). Fortunately for me, it’s never been that difficult of a choice, if only because the people I had to go against weren’t people I’d known for very long. 

Anyway, that’s part of it - you gotta just cut people out sometimes. There’s more to it though, because the other thing the show believes is that everyone - even the real shitty people - can change. It doesn’t mean everything’s forgiven, and it doesn’t erase all the bad shit, but they can still change. It’s worth changing, even if it isn’t a cure-all. 

So yeah, I like She-Ra a lot. It’s also just well-written, and funny, and it’s a real good time to see a bunch of diverse characters running around having adventures and being fuckin’ rad. Plus, they’ve shown an incredible willingness to completely change the stakes from season to season - the end of season four in particular is  the equivalent of detonating all the things you thought were important. It pulls a bait and switch so ruthless that I might have applauded if I wasn’t so self-conscious about making noise that my neighbors might hear. The combination of season 3 and 4 was a masterclass on raising the stakes and then explaining that actually, you were playing for stakes even higher than you could’ve thought possible. Oh, and the people you thought you could trust were just using you, and hey, what if we got rid of the thing that you’ve more or less defined yourself by for the entire show? Good luck in season five, motherfucker! I’m a fan, is what I’m saying.

6. Work on Vanquisher 2103 continues apace. I mentioned this before, but we’re doing a once-a-month schedule while the holidays and work beat my ass into the ground, and as it turns out I really enjoy taking a full month to write a chapter. It’s a comically slow pace, but it’s working for me and hopefully the fact that the chapters have tended to be a little longer (and allowed me to expand on ideas a little more, and do a little more research here and there) makes it worth the longer wait. I’d like this thing to be good! There’s a part of my brain, again, that will always insist that nobody reads this and it’s bad and I’m fucking up, constantly - that point, at least, is probably accurate. I am writing characters who in theory have life experiences that are very much Not Mine, which involves a lot of reading things from people who would know better than I do. It’s nerve-wracking, and the only thing I am bone-deep certain of is that I’ll fuck up and hopefully y’all will forgive me for fucking up when that happens. I’ll keep reading and refining and eventually maybe it’ll be okay. Hopefully, anyway.

7. I went to Ireland and guys, Ireland is bullshit. I am offended by its gorgeous cliff-sides and open grasslands and heart-rending beauty. The immense friendliness of the people I met and the fact that you can’t sit in a pub without hearing some dude play a jaunty reel on a tin whistle or accordion or something is a personal insult. I was Arthur Dent angrily demanding to know why this bloody fish is so good the whole time.

I cultivated an immense drinking habit while there. I was also approached by a random German tourist who somehow clocked that I could speak German and we shouted about socialism for an hour auf Deutsch. I met some woman from Louisiana and we ended up having drinks a couple nights in a row to talk about traveling in general and Germany in particular, because her ex-husband is German. There were some Swedish retirees who were both very pleased by their country’s social safety net and also depressingly sour about the fact that refugees got cheap dental care - we might have had some harsh words exchanged before more drinks helped smooth over our frank discussion of differing viewpoints. I had to explain American health care to some people from the UK who were surprisingly gung-ho about the idea of privatized medicine until they talked to me (one of them talked about how the UK used to be an Empire and could be again in such a way that made me want to throw things. We did not talk for very long because I couldn’t fuckin’ handle it). These were strangers that I willingly engaged, because I was having an adventure, and I guarantee none of this would have happened if I hadn’t been going to the gym and committed to the idea of proving the voice in my head that tells me I’m an awkward mess that nobody would ever want to talk to in their life wrong (also, let’s be honest, if I hadn’t had several pints of cider at the time). 

By the end of the trip if I heard one more pub singer’s version of Whisky in the Jar though, that I was gonna produce my pistol and fucking shoot myself in the head.

Go to Ireland if you can. If you live there, fuck you how dare you live somewhere that rad.

8. I didn’t have an eighth thing but I’m committed to this “each thing is numbered” bit which means that even the end of this thing has to follow the trope. This is the end of the post where I say “okay bye I’ll be back the next time I get the urge to throw a bunch of highly unpolished ideas out.”