#Growingpains

[duckiewrites]

I wish there wasn't so much holding me back. I wish I could live without the fear of abandonment constantly creeping up on me. I am falling behind.

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[arrogance-sandwich]

The Friend I left in that dark little town

The love that I long for is a friend I grew up with

A friend I sat on the sidelines with during sport class

And giggled about boys and girls

Behind our books

And I've never missed the arms of an ex lover,

The love that I long for is pure and simple

Its the burn that I feel when I see her smile

Knowing she is happy brings me peace

Yet a part of me withers knowing we arent happy within each others lives

And is it over?

When I never said goodbye

And I cant remember when was the last time we spoke

Or did I live in a friendship so far away it doesn't matter?

Desperate I try to knit a web where I can hold inside all the people I've ever held that feeling with,

And with every silk thread I tangle further,

Another snaps and falls away

You liked my post.

I like yours

We used to talk for hours worried about the people we'd become.

I hope you know I still smile at the mention of your name.

////

More like a vent excerpt if anything.

[thedeluluverse]

Summary: While you have been working for BTS for a little over a year, you and your boyfriend Taehyung have only officially been together for two and a half months. Everything is going well until he starts tagging along to your shoots with your other clients, Stray Kids.  Are his suspicions correct or is he seeing things?

Pairing:  idol!Taehyung x multi-group-photographerGF!Nari a.k.a. “Burning Film” couple

Rating: PG13

Genre: idol!au, mutual pining, angst, fluff, early relationship, jealousy, coworker!au, work crushes

Word Count: 1, 965

Warnings: angst, fluff, feeling insecure, slight teasing, jealousy,

Author's Note: Here is the "Burning Film" couple again! I have created an oc basically for this storyline of Tae named Nari who represents y/n! It isn't necessary to read BF first but it would help you understand what they've bee through already plus I am proud of it so if you do, let me know what you think! Also, we stan SKZ and Felix in this house so no hate, this was just an idea I've had for awhile. Enjoy!! :)

P.S.- yes I am going to go back into Burning Film and replace y/n with Nari but another time. I have work in like 6 hours so going to catch some sleep hopefully XD

The last three months have been much deserved bliss with your new boyfriend Taehyung; not only do you finally have the man of your dreams, but your work has garnered a plethora of attention earning you the title of official photographer for the kpop group Stray Kids as well! Tae is supportive of your dream but is having a hard time adjusting to you being away from him more than usual. Noticing his demeanor change every time you say you’re going to “other work”, you make a decision as you are getting ready one day.

Nari: “BAAABBEEE!!” – you shout from the bathroom as you put the finishing touches on your outfit.

Tae: rushes to you out of breath “Yes jagiya? Is everything alright?”

Nari: giggles and turns towards him “Yes silly, I didn’t scream fire or anything. Still cute though.”

Tae: kisses the top of your head “Fair enough but I just had to make sure, and you’re the cute one baby. Anyway, why did you summon me?”

Nari: blushes slightly Wellllll, I was going to see if you wanted to accompany me to the Stray Kids photoshoot today. I know it’s been rough having less free time together lately. If not I totally get if it’d be boring for you so no pres-“

Tae: interrupts you by picking you up and spinning you around “Oh I’d love to y/n that’s such a great idea!!! I’ve always wished I could see the magic behind the camera so this is perfect! I’ll meet you by the car in 5 minutes, you’re the best!”

You can’t help but chuckle at how puppy-like he could be, but it was endearing that he wanted to understand what you did for a living. In true gentleman fashion, he opens your door when you get to the SKZ location, carries your equipment inside for you, and even brings you a water and an easy snack for while you work. Halfway through the shoot, you tell the guys to take a 10-minute break so you can assess what else you need and so they can grab a snack as well.

Tae has been waiting nearby during the shoot in case you need anything, so he takes this opportunity to use the restroom and refill his water. As he returns he sees you talking with Han, Bang Chan, and Felix, which was fine until he heard Felix exclaim, “Woah Gracie, I love you for that!”. He doesn’t say anything, but he is not thrilled about the fact that he of all people has a special nickname for you. Before today he had no issues with the guy, so what changed? You and Nari will find out soon enough don’t worry!

The shoot comes to an end about a half hour later and Tae can’t help you pack up and get out of there fast enough. I mean, you can’t really blame him since y’all have been there for close to 5 hours but it’s not like he hasn’t had longer shoots. Guess time is more of a drag when you aren’t an active participant. In any case, after picking up a quick bite y’all are home bound! As soon as he puts the car in park you can tell something is different. He uncharacteristically grabs his meal and goes inside before you can even open your door. Chalking it up to him being hangry and missing Yeontan, you give a tired exhale and head inside.

As you kick off your shoes and scan the house, you don’t see Tae anywhere; you peak into the living room and his room because he likes to eat in there sometimes but still no luck. Assuming he must have something to work on after hearing him in his studio, you resign yourself to eating at the kitchen island alone with Yeontan peacefully asleep at your feet.

After eating, you shuffle to his studio door looking for some company, but your knocks are met with silence then a “C’mon Nari, can’t you tell I am busy right now? I’ll be out when I’m done, go watch TV or something aish!”. Tears pricking behind your eyes, you give a quiet “oh, okay sorry I won’t bother you anymore love…” before you walk away and curl up on the couch listening to calming lo-fi music as you try to quiet your brain. You didn’t do anything to make him upset as far as you can recall so unless something gets brought to your attention, you decide to enjoy the rest of your afternoon doodling in your notebook.

The sun has long set, and you can’t remember when you passed out on the couch exactly before you got awoken abruptly by the loud opening of Tae’s studio door and him stomping to take Yeontan on a walk. You are less in a daze when he comes back and are just looking up pleadingly at him only for him to bark out a “what?!” and in return you croak out an unconvincing “nothing” just for him to scoff at you. “Yeah sure, you’ve looked pitiful since we fucking got home. What’s the problem huh? Miss your strays?”.

You blink wide-eyed “what the hell are you talking about? You’re the one who has been in a shitty mood since a random point in the shoot. You wanna tell me what’s going on?” He sits in the big armchair near you, running his hands through his hair then gets up and paces for a good 3 minutes before sitting back down with his elbows on his knees and hands clasped; deeply sighing, he finally reveals the truth.

You sniffle, heart pounding in anticipation trying to look strong even though you were terrified you had blinked wrong or something and were about to be single. He takes a long sip of water then glares up at you, “So you wanna know what’s going on huh? Well, I don’t ‘knaur’ Gracie, what is going on?” Confusion shadows your features as you meet his eyes, “Why did you ask like that and why on earth did you call me Gracie???” He darkly chuckles and says, “Oh, is that an issue?” Nari rolls her eyes and says “Why are you laughing first of all? And it isn’t an issue per say, it just shocked me because you have never called me that once since we’ve met.”

Tae leans back in his chair manspreading trying to affirm his authority and explains, “Well, here goes and don’t you fucking interrupt me. If you somehow have questions, be a patient little cheater and wait until I’m done okay?” You nod in anticipation trying to stay strong and not react to his accusation yet. “Well, whatever name you’re going by, you are right. I haven’t been in the best mood, and it wasn’t a ‘random point’, it was when you had called for a 10-minute break. I had returned from the bathroom and saw you had relocated from our spot to near the Aussies and Han.”

You raise your hand giving him the grandest power complex to which he only tilts his head towards you beckoning you to speak. “You know I’m friends with all of them so why did seeing that turn you into a dick?”. Poking his cheek with his tongue, he clarified, “It didn’t turn me into a dick darling. I just don’t like people trying to take what is mine.” “Nobody was trying to take me you dumbass.” “Then why the shit does Felix have a special nickname for you AND said he loves you??” he slightly yelled with tears in his eyes.

As he hid his face in his hands, taking deep breaths to avoid sobbing, you were trying to process the words that just came out of his mouth. After stuttering and trying to form sentences, you explain the situation as he comes to sit next to you. Turning towards him and covering his hands with yours, you take a deep breath and bring him up to speed; “So the name thing first. Well as you know he and Bang Chan are Australian. So, them trying to say my first name just winds up in a 10-minute loop of aggressive ‘nauring’ you know? So, I decided to tell them my middle name and Bang Chan immediately fell in love with calling me ‘Gracie’ so only the Aussies call me that, for that reason only okay?” He cracks a small smile, “I guess that does make sense….. but why did he say he loved you?” You choke on air, and you ask incredulously, “Ummm when the hell did he say that?!?!”

He glances at the floor sheepish worried he misheard something now and is starting to feel like the biggest asshole to ever exist. “I dunno, I just heard him tell you ‘Woah Gracie, I love you for that!’ and just after the unexplained name thing it sent me spiraling.” You give a small smile this time and go “calm down tiger, I had just shown him a photo I had edited of him and hella fixed the lighting, so he was grateful because it was an important photo of him. That’s it I promise okay? I swear on Tannie!!”

It was his turn to go big eyed because he knew when you swore on a pet, you meant business! “Okay I believe you Nari I really do.” You breath the deepest sigh of relief ever until he interrupts with “But I do have one more question…” “Oh?” you question, “what’s up Tae?”. “Okay now don’t get mad, but are you sure there’s nothing there? I mean it seemed like there was some flirting, at least from where I stood.” “I mean I doubt he was flirting with me; he knows I am with you plus I double doubt you started a trend of fine Korean men finding me attractive.” you chuckle.

Suddenly his countenance darkened again in an instant as he backed away, “fine Korean men????” you gulp, “I mean, I didn’t mean fine fine, I just meant that I am a photographer, so I appreciate aesthetically pleasing things and people.” You say as you start to get off the couch, but he stands and pulls your hair getting you to look him in the eyes “So you aren’t attracted to him AT ALL then??” Tears form once again in your eyes as you explain yourself, yet again…”Okay so he maybe was my first SKZ bias, and you aren’t the first person to point out that he flirts with me a lot. I won’t deny that before we were together it was very nice, but I love you not him okay?”

There’s a long pause until you both sit back down, and he looks like he has seen a ghost, “wait…love me???” You chuckle, “Yes you idiot, lovingly of course!” He has tears in his eyes then asks, “Are you sure??? I mean, it has only been a few months and I know I’m taller, but my voice can’t get near his and I was an ass earlier…” “Hun, I agree you could’ve handled everything earlier better and come to me sooner and been upfront. But it doesn’t mean that you are inherently an ass okay? I don’t care that your voice isn’t just like his, I love your voice and it’s been my peace for years now.”

“Well, good points all around and I just…. I really am sorry that I freaked out so much earlier, I just love you too, so it lit a fire in my soul. I’m sincerely sorry and I’ll do better okay? I can’t lose you…”. You are both sobbing at this point and then while you pull each other into the most intense embrace, you reassure him

“You won’t”.

[maisiemkelly]

let them eat cake

[yourstrulywildflower]

Today I got the exciting news that I got the job I was praying for! I’m sooo excited to start fresh in a new city! Here is to new beginnings 🍻

[tllancaster]

The agony of seeing someone younger make the same mistake you made, knowing that you never listened to the advice you want to give now.

The duality of man is thinking “children cannot help themselves and we all need to be patient with them as they explore what it means to be human in public” and also “damn, I wish this crying baby was not on the plane rn :/“

[emotionalghostown]

The dare (TW)

This story takes me back to undergrad, senior year, during the spring semester. By then, I’d accumulated enough credits to have a little fun, so I was practically on a self-imposed break. Every night was an excuse to go out, drink, and laugh with my friends. And in that friend group, two people stood out: Mal and Andy.

Mal was my absolute favourite, the nerdiest, sweetest, most awkward lesbian I’d ever met. We clicked instantly, and she became a pleasant presence in my life, always around for a good laugh and a ridiculous conversation. For context, I’m a pansexual woman, and most of my friends then and now are LGBTQ+—and believe me, I have plenty of stories about that part of my life to tell. But that’s for another day.

Then there was Andy. Tall, skinny, blond with blue eyes. He was shy, nerdy, and played the piano like an absolute dream. And if you’ve read my other posts, you know I had a bit of a colonizer complex. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. I’ve grown, I swear. But back then, I had a thing for his type, and I’d caught myself crushing on him more than once. We often partied at his place, and this time, it was for his birthday.

It was a massive party, and we all got absolutely hammered. As people drifted off to bed, I learned that my sleeping spot was conveniently set up in his room. I was too drunk to care and fell asleep almost instantly, passing out before the party had even ended. But later in the night, I felt someone climb into bed. It was Andy, slipping in beside me. What happened next felt like a blur—I wasn’t fully conscious, much less able to consent. We had sex, but on my end, it was hazy, unwanted, and wrong.

The next few days were a mess. I was shattered, crying at random moments, struggling to hold myself together while still having to see him almost daily. He acted as if I’d rejected him, like he was the wounded party, moping around as if I’d ghosted him after some casual hookup. But that was far from the truth. My friends started shunning me, and I felt completely betrayed and isolated.

Then, months later, the few friends I had left finally told me the part that destroyed me even more: Mal and Andy had made a dare. A stupid, childish game to see who could get more dates and hookups, and I’d been their “special little dare.” I was nothing but a challenge, an object, a game to them.

That night, and the months that followed, shattered something in me. I learned how betrayal feels when it comes from people you trusted, people you considered friends. I had to face the horrifying reality that I’d been violated, that I’d experienced something no one should ever have to endure. The worst part was the twisted guilt, the battle in my own mind. I had been violated, but not in a way that was easy to categorize or even easy to say. It left me grappling with questions I never wanted to ask myself, left me blaming myself for something I’d had no control over.

But I came out of it with hard lessons. This experience stripped away my naivety and taught me that cruelty sometimes hides behind friendly faces, and that betrayal can come from the people closest to you. It forced me to learn, to grow, and to remember this: never lower your guard, never take responsibility for other people’s cruelty, and always, always speak your truth.

[chefturnedtrainer]

A Birthday Reflection: When Celebrations Feel Hollow

Birthdays are supposed to be a time of joy, a day to reflect on another year lived, and ideally, feel celebrated by the people around you. But this year, my birthday was anything but joyful. It was bland, uneventful, and—if I’m being honest—disappointing. I spent half the day working remotely, and after lunch, I made the decision to go offline to spend time with my wife and daughter. Despite this, the weight of the day hung heavily over me.

In an age where we’ve become conditioned to social media validation, I couldn’t help but notice the silence. I received fewer than 50 greetings on Facebook, most of them from acquaintances or distant relatives. Two were from coworkers, and two others from my siblings. A couple of phone calls came in, but they were from distant family members. The absence that hit hardest, though, was the lack of any acknowledgment from my parents or my sister who works abroad. Not a single message or call from them on my birthday.

It stung, but not in the way it used to. It was more a dull ache than a sharp pain, and that’s what concerned me the most. The truth is, I’ve been distant from my family for years, starting around 2015 when I began being left out of family gatherings. Each time I expressed hurt or tried to distance myself, I was branded as uncaring. The irony was that during times of financial crisis in the household—when my parents struggled to pay for electricity, food, or other basic needs—I stepped in to take care of it, no questions asked. I didn’t do it for recognition, but deep down, I wanted to be acknowledged for helping out. Unfortunately, my efforts were never seen or appreciated.

My father, in particular, has become a sore point in my life. He often compares me to my sister, who sends a significant amount of money every month to support their lifestyle. "Kulang kulang hapmilyun," he says, referring to the half a million she sends regularly. Meanwhile, I am constantly reminded of how little I contribute in comparison. It's hard not to internalize that, no matter how much I’ve done or continue to do.

The lies and broken promises only add to the strain. Earlier this year, he told me he couldn't send the house budget, so I covered it for the time being. He promised to repay me, but the money never came. I even bought a second-hand car, under the impression that repairs and a repaint would be covered by a mechanic he recommended. Turns out, there was no such agreement. To top it all off, the car I actually wanted—an old white Honda Civic that I’d driven for years—wasn't even an option. He refused to sell it to me, preferring to give it to a relative or scrap it entirely rather than let me buy it. Why? I still don’t know.

In just a few short months, my relationship with my parents has deteriorated. I’ve stopped pretending, stopped forcing smiles or pleasantries for the sake of peace. It’s a strange dynamic—being financially supportive of people who refuse to acknowledge your efforts or even treat you with basic respect. I’m still living at the family home, mainly because I haven’t finalized paperwork to get my own place. But I worry about what this environment will teach my daughter. Will she grow up thinking that this animosity is normal? Will she believe that this strained relationship with her grandparents is just the way things are?

This birthday wasn’t just a reminder of getting older; it was a stark reflection of how much has changed. A year that should have been filled with celebration felt hollow, not because of the lack of a party or grand gestures, but because the relationships I once relied on have frayed beyond recognition.

Maybe the lesson here is that not every birthday is meant to be celebrated. Sometimes, it’s just another day. But I hope as I move forward, that I can create a new kind of celebration—one rooted in the love and support of my wife and daughter, and not dependent on the validation I once sought from my parents or social media.

[today-i-live-tomorrow-i-die]

it does really feel like im valuing myself more

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

[arrogance-sandwich]

You have to say goodbye now or you wont ever get to

Before I met you, I was a person

I wanted this so badly it nearly bore me into the depths of hell.

The excuses I lined up with everything you had said and done,

Trying to preserve what I wish I had.

Afterwards I am a person

Saying goodbye to friends is one of the hardest things to do. I always feel guilty and empty, like I should be there to help them.

[thedeluluverse]

NEW FIC ALERT

Dropping this baby at 11 a.m. CST tomorrow!

[maisiemkelly]

oh...

[yourstrulywildflower]

Interview #2 today! It went great and the ladies were so sweet!

And we end the evening right! 👑

[raurquiz]

#Happybirthday #BethToussaint #actress #model #IsharaYar #startrek #thenextgeneration #legacy #AnnaSheridan #Babylon5 #scream3 #redyeye #Berserker #GrowingPains #Cheers #Matlock #Savannah #theyoungandtherestless #melroseplace #dallas #fortress2 #startrek58 @TrekCore