#healingfrombetrayal

[emotionalghostown]

The dare (TW)

This story takes me back to undergrad, senior year, during the spring semester. By then, I’d accumulated enough credits to have a little fun, so I was practically on a self-imposed break. Every night was an excuse to go out, drink, and laugh with my friends. And in that friend group, two people stood out: Mal and Andy.

Mal was my absolute favourite, the nerdiest, sweetest, most awkward lesbian I’d ever met. We clicked instantly, and she became a pleasant presence in my life, always around for a good laugh and a ridiculous conversation. For context, I’m a pansexual woman, and most of my friends then and now are LGBTQ+—and believe me, I have plenty of stories about that part of my life to tell. But that’s for another day.

Then there was Andy. Tall, skinny, blond with blue eyes. He was shy, nerdy, and played the piano like an absolute dream. And if you’ve read my other posts, you know I had a bit of a colonizer complex. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Dad. I’ve grown, I swear. But back then, I had a thing for his type, and I’d caught myself crushing on him more than once. We often partied at his place, and this time, it was for his birthday.

It was a massive party, and we all got absolutely hammered. As people drifted off to bed, I learned that my sleeping spot was conveniently set up in his room. I was too drunk to care and fell asleep almost instantly, passing out before the party had even ended. But later in the night, I felt someone climb into bed. It was Andy, slipping in beside me. What happened next felt like a blur—I wasn’t fully conscious, much less able to consent. We had sex, but on my end, it was hazy, unwanted, and wrong.

The next few days were a mess. I was shattered, crying at random moments, struggling to hold myself together while still having to see him almost daily. He acted as if I’d rejected him, like he was the wounded party, moping around as if I’d ghosted him after some casual hookup. But that was far from the truth. My friends started shunning me, and I felt completely betrayed and isolated.

Then, months later, the few friends I had left finally told me the part that destroyed me even more: Mal and Andy had made a dare. A stupid, childish game to see who could get more dates and hookups, and I’d been their “special little dare.” I was nothing but a challenge, an object, a game to them.

That night, and the months that followed, shattered something in me. I learned how betrayal feels when it comes from people you trusted, people you considered friends. I had to face the horrifying reality that I’d been violated, that I’d experienced something no one should ever have to endure. The worst part was the twisted guilt, the battle in my own mind. I had been violated, but not in a way that was easy to categorize or even easy to say. It left me grappling with questions I never wanted to ask myself, left me blaming myself for something I’d had no control over.

But I came out of it with hard lessons. This experience stripped away my naivety and taught me that cruelty sometimes hides behind friendly faces, and that betrayal can come from the people closest to you. It forced me to learn, to grow, and to remember this: never lower your guard, never take responsibility for other people’s cruelty, and always, always speak your truth.

[arcanes-things]

THINGS I LEFT UNSAID- V

09-10-2024

"I hate you!!!" "I hate you, I hate your very existence. I hate the way you snicker after making fun of me. I hate how you envy me. I hate how you belittle me, I hate how you said 'Be careful, the way you break your watches and your phone, your husband will break your marriage.' It wasn't funny, no one laughed. I hate how you thought it was ok for you to say that. I hate you. I hate the very air you breathe."

These were the words that I wanted to say to you. But I held my peace. I watched you suffer, I watched as you suffered your very own personal hell, that was custom-made for you, by you. But even till then, I was too blind to call you a friend. The betrayal hit and everything made sense once we broke apart. That is when we drifted apart because you got upset over a matter that was child's play. But now you suffer your own demise. I won't call myself a saint, for I have equally sinned. But in the days when I look back at every action you took and every word you said, it makes my blood boil making me wish that, time had turned back and I had said these words out loud…

" That we are nothing close to friends. We came together because of convenience. Where I took it as a genuine bond, you looked at it for your own gain. How could you be so cheap? How could you be so unhappy? You wronged me in every step of life, you became the core reason why I hate the way I smile, and I hate the way I act, I am afraid to be me. The reason that I lost my spark. Never have I ever, wished for anyone's demise, but for you, if I have to be banished to the depth of hell for asking it, I would willingly burn in hell. But as long as you are burning deeper than I am. I am happy with it. "

Evil much? I don't know. Because there hasn't been a person who has damaged me as you have done to me before. So, now that you are still suffering, I have matured enough to let it go. Thanks to you, I am now flourishing and becoming a better person. I still hate you though, I have cut you off from my life, but still, there is another one, the 3rd member of the trio that I have kept in contact with, just so I know you would see it, and be jealous again. And I will laugh at you again. When I am happy with my life, that's where you belong, behind my back. You are a coward to never come in front…

[thefathershow]

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