#Grian had to move on to a new alliance

[spark-of-teal]

Scott talking about Pearl's supposed selective memory while he is selectively remembering double life himself makes me want to murder everyone with blue hair

Doesn't he remember the axe crits? Doesn't he remember excluding Pearl? Doesn't he remember making it clear he was being begrudging toward her when he had to work with her? Doesn't he remember questioning her every move? Doesn't he remember leaving her??????

They were BOTH bad to each other in Double Life but he had a support system and a chosen soulmate who loved him! Pearl had no one! Doesn't he remember that?

And Cleo's all "blah blah blah your trauma is funny" I WANT TO THROW ALL THREE OF THEM OFF A CLIFF. STOP TALKING TO EACH OTHER YOU'RE NOT HEALTHY AND YOU NEED TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS AND YOU'RE ALL ASSHOLES. CAN'T YOU TELL AN ALLIANCE WON'T LAST WHEN THE VERY FIRST EPISODE IS FILLED WITH PASSIVE AGGRESSION???

And don't rope Impulse into it Impulse go join Grian Mumbo and Skizz that team is much more your speed he doesn't need Cleo rehashing season 1

Can we call them the Everyone Hates Eachother faction

[chloeplayz]

Scar & big B (plus grian for angst purposes) and their connections with cookies: a late night rant

Scar bakes chocolate chip cookies for grian because he’s always said that grian looks like one. He gifts it to him occasionally. Grian sometimes makes it back as well, and if one of them’s feeling goofy, they make them in shape of their faces or of jellies.

Scar brings over the habit to the life series from hermitcraft, he stole big b’s cookie in third life so he could have the biggest chocolate chip cookie to bring to grian. Kinda like a cat bringing their owner food lol.

CUE TO DOUBLE LIFE.

Scar bakes even more often batches of cookies and even sometimes mixing in with cupcakes that resemble grian’s cake tower. Though grian also started receiving cookies from big b with their whole secret soulmate ordeal. Grian and B sees it as this secret trade between them and scar was a bit sad when he found out.

So during the whole “they’re for your secret soulmate” scene, what scar had were actually raisin cookies instead of chocolate chip. When usually scar would place the chocolate chips in a specific way that resembled grian’s eyes, this time around it was just normal cookies. The raisins placed randomly.

(I’m not really on board that much with the “grian’s cheating on scar because he feels bad about hurting him” thing but god I can sure think of a lot of sad angst that comes from it so I have the brainrot but not gonna put it as my own interpretation. )

Though after double life ends the three talked about it, YES THEY’RE NOT AS TOXIC AS BEFORE!! THEY’RE MAKING PROGRESS IN COMMUNICATION!! YAY!

Limited life!

Scar and big b actually started trading cookie recipes as a result of their initial little alliance and big b being the one who’s known grian longer actually gave away little hints in interactions with scar that grian is way more powerful than he seems. (“Little hints” being dropping a literal bombshell on scar about grian’s past wild things like it’s a normal conversation) however scar at this point already figured out way more than he should know so he just pretends to not realise the little hints lol.

Secret life!

With scar and big b being semi-neighbours, they sometimes will stop by at each others’ places (aside from big b’s uh… hole) and make cookie batches together! At this point they’ve slowly moved pass double life’s events (with random moments of awkwardness but they’re making an effort to be friends with each other instead of being associated with grian by the all the time) sometimes they show up at grian’s to let him taste test new recipes that they came up with for different sweets and baked goods (branching out from cookies a little). Overall healing.

This was originally gonna be a wholesome desertduo headcanon about how they are connected by cookies but uh

Can you tell I want more Scar and BigB interactions?? CAN YOU???

[thecoddaughter]

Secret Life as Every The Crane Wives Song

(EXTREMELY LONG POST WARNING)

 

Etho: 

Nothing at All  “Do you ever feel nothing at all? I do, I do, I do. I would not wish that on you”

Counting Sheep “Feign contentment for a while, that's all you know how to do.”

Grian:

Sleeping Giant “I feel the mountains, I feel the mountains shifting under me. The sleeping giants are finally waking.”  (This man knows things about the sudden arrival of a ominous deity like entity)

Steady, Steady “I can take for better but for worse can't condone. Most of all for good just makes me ache to be alone.” (Not teaming up with people for so long because of fear of hurting them)

Ancient History “My dreams keep digging up the bones of memories. Discarded remnants of former times.” (Again, watchers…)

Pearl:

I Talk In My Sleep “I talk in my sleep when my demons won't let me be. They twist the things I say when you are far away.”

How to Rest  “Though you've convinced yourself, you're safe and sound within. The thing you fear the most never need get in.”

New Colors  “Old towns here are mean. Spit fire and gasoline. But all I want is solitude. I have half a mind to climb up in the sky and hide myself inside the moon”

The Crooked, The Cradle “I'm nobody's daughter. I'm nobody's daughter. My enemies crow. "We're alone with the kill"”  “I won't pretend my season won't end,  but I pray, when it's done, when it's through I'll have something left for you.”

Scar: 

The Garden  “The crows in the garden are laughing at my expense, drowning out all the lies that I might have told instead” (his scamming and scheming butt can't escape me)

New Discovery  “Sometimes I feel like I’m lost in the desert… I see my footprints in the sand so I know where I’ve been”  (desert... like the desert duo... i'm so clever!)

Can’t Have It All  “I won't bargain, I won't break. My mind's made up, though my head still aches and all my love you tried to take, but you can't have it all.”

Cleo:

Ribs “Brick and mortar between my bones. Built a kingdom fierce and fortified. My name fading from the yellow page. Stones are laid upon the mountainside.”

Tongues & Teeth “I will poison all your happy thoughts. I will love you like the ashes in my cigarette box and if you're fine with that you can be mine.”

Impulse:

Little Soldiers “I fought with tooth and nail before the flag had flown but you were already gone”

Strangler Fig “You built your kingdom around me. Now I'm trapped within your walls and all I want is to be free.” (That man died and joined the apocalypse willingly to be at Gem's side)

Scott:

Pretty Little Things “Cracked lips and hands, calloused hands. I still feel his touch against my skin. Past loves linger like phantom limbs.”  “Don't buy me flowers, it pains me to watch. Pretty little things wilt away.” (this man hold's onto past alliances in her heart, only second to Skizz)

Shallow River “Red sky morning, lovers' warning. Oh I know that the promise you wear, well it ain't for me.” (red sky and love refer to Jimmy’s death. The “You” is Gem though)

Bdubs:

Never Love an Anchor “It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest with this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful” (him not so subtly jumping between mounders and roomies, maybe? idk. its also just kinda his vibe.)

Naked, the Night Falls “Turn your ghosts into mine. All the years, all the years I'm alive.” (him finding Etho and Cleo again)

BigB:

Hard Sell “Hoping I can find a better me. A fresh new start buried under me.”

Metaphors “I've gotten good at leaning on metaphors. I've gotten good at living on someone else's page. I cut my teeth on second-hand sentiments. You can't trust a single thing I say.” (his cryptid butt is not escaping metaphors this go around)

Martyn:

Turn out the Lights “Sometimes all you can do is say goodnight and tuck your demons into bed cause they're not worth fighting.”

Rockslide “This wild weather's got the mountain shakin' weak. Oh I know you want to plant your feet but we best get a move on or the devil we will meet.” “That monster's comin' and it don't care for you or me. Don't look back now, honey” (This has been in my head since Martyn moved in with Jim at the top of the Mesa.)

Show Your Fangs “A ballad of a lonesome peak. I curse the ground, shed my old sins. For weight will only make me weak” “Bravely I will wield my weapon. I made from fangs of those that died.” (Big Dogs… RIP)

Skizz:

Know How “I keep my focus on what is safe. You drew a line. Made up your mind and now I'm struggling to realize.” (This song is Imp and Skizz’s relationship post Imp’s attack)

Easier “The only peace I have ever known is the peace I made with you. I won't move, but I can't stay here.” (Skizz and Tango’s relationship throughout the season)

October “Take my word but keep the upper hand. I know you, you're the daughter of a lonely man.” (My interpretation of SL!Skizz is this super caring guy who his haunted by this vague memory of bloodlust that comes out in empty threats to people he doesn’t really want to hurt.)

Gem (all of these are about session seven specifically!):

Allies or Enemies  “They spread like some awful damn disease” “Are we allies or enemies? This will be the death of me.”

The Glacier House “You cursed the Earth you settled under… Under… Understand I had to go.” “Bundle up darling, you're on your own now. Seasons change as they do. Maybe I'll see you when your shivering is through.”

I Ain’t Done “I am a pretty young thing. I am consumed by selfish wanting. Carelessly broke you down but I’m not done.” (this girl came in and told a winner and a runner up that they need to get their act together and that she was gonna be the one to get them to the end. I love her!)

Joel “Loves his wife” Smallishbeans:

Down the River “'Cause ain't it easier to just move on? One door closing means another one. Opens unto some unsuspecting fool. “Sure, you can forget about all the things you've done but what about the rest of us? High-tail it when it gets to be too much.” “Too many people with your name on top of their lists.” “You were never the one to suffer.” (All of Joel’s anger about Jim celebrating Lizzie’s death and the fact that Jim then also immediately died, leaving him alone.)

Unraveling “But now my love is gone and I am left unraveling.” “And I am left here withering” “And I can't help the fracturing”

The Diving Bell  “I descend so well, in an open diving bell, the beauty of the deep. Far into abyss in your silent lips call me will I sleep” 

Caleb Trask “"When a flower blossoms red. That's the day, that's the day, that's the day. I'll love you. That's the day, that's the day. I'll love you." (I’ve stated before that this is his song, not specifically bc of SL. I think of azalea’s and I think of Joel.)

Tango:

Curses “There's a fire in my brain, and I'm burning up” “Every word I say is kindling but the smoke clears when you're around. Won't you stay with me, my darling, when my walls start burning down?” (Our fire man and his forever teammate…)

Safe Ship, Harbored “Where does your faith form in me? Don't break the bottle. Don't waste your blessings on me.” “A safe ship, harbored losing all of my good years to the shallow water. I ain't proud.” (The Heart Foundation [in my opinion] seemed like a great way to make alliances and be well liked, however, it also kinda put them at a disadvantage never getting any hearts of their own.)

Mumbo:

The Moon Will Sing “On some level, I think I always understood that these hands of mine were clumsy, not clever.” “With this heart of mine that's guilty, not remorseful. There is love that doesn't have a place to rest. But it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulders” (Something, something. The love Mumbo has for Grian.)

Back to the Ground “Little buds make their graves as the warmth inside us fades but I still don't know shit about letting go.” “Our hearts lay still and cold, under frozen soil. I can't stay here anymore so remember when I go.” (Something, something. The miner destined for accidents.)

Jimmy: 

Not the Ghost “If only I could break the chain of disappointments, weighing me down. Shake off the ghosts that whisper warnings.”

Keep You Safe “When I watched my friends ride to the tops of the trees. With the risk of fall, I never climbed at all.” “Time is not your friend. Time is not your remedy. No amount of waiting will make you, make you brave.”

Canary in the Coal Mine  “You and I are friends of empty graves”  (he does not escape this song!) 

Lizzie (all of these songs with Lizzie in mind makes me cry):

Can’t Go Back “The time has come for moving on. You can't be always trying to dig up. What you've already buried.” “It's not fair (When have you ever known the world to be a fair place?) It's not fair (All things end and all things change) It's not fair (You'll look back and laugh someday) It's not fair (Or at least you'll learn to be okay)”

Of Everlong  “And if my lover will not hear it. Take my voice and take my spirit, leave me weakened and dig my hole. Only my lover, not I, can keep my soul” (Only Joel mourns her and it’s a sad sad day)

Icarus “Til your far away and breathing cleaner air, oh my brother…” (her brother... the man cursed to die... named after a bird who dies of poisoned air... who'd a thunk it...)

Unplaced songs: The hand that feeds, hole in the silver lining, Once & For All

[the-cusk]

Ok fine let's do theory time. This will be mostly about Session 7 and Gem's task. Now, I got two big points here, (a) The End/The Void is an entity that is independent of The Watchers and (b) Gem's task and, by extension, she herself came from that entity's will.

Now the obvious connection is obvious, yeah yeah who opened the End portal, but this goes farther. So, uh, remember episode 1? Specifically, when Gem and Lizzie found pumpkins and formed an alliance of sorts? Pumpkins, that's right. They became kind of a big deal. Since then, Gem and Lizzie had been consistently connected to The End. When Lizzie got the hard task to get everyone to sleep, first thing she thought of? The End. But then, why did she die to the very thing she was intertwined with.

Well, Scott of course. Scott has consistently been the most resistant to influence from cosmic entities. He actively spit in the faces of The Watchers multiple times now, after all. He was meant to die in the void. But not just because of his own aspect, but because Lizzie hasn't fully assimilated to her new connection. She didn't wear a pumpkin. The End had to shoot blindly, and with Scott's aura of negation he wasn't gonna be the one hit.

Now let's have an aside about what The End's intentions are in this series. Cause all cosmic entities gotta have one right? Well, The Watchers designed the games to be a feast of discord, war, betrayal, all of the fun stuff. The End, on the other hand, seeks to, well, end the games, as fast as possible. How were the first two reds created? Now, it's probably not exactly a humanitarian motivation from The End here. Whether it's merciful oblivion or just a thirst for finality, it still creates war and brutality, just not in the same way as The Watchers. The Watchers want the feast to stretch for as long as possible, as the payoff will be that much sweeter. The End wants to finish everything as fast as possible. You could argue that the Boogie curse has origins in The End, with Skizz as the catalyst, but I don't feel like going into that atm.

Ok, finally, how does that connect to Session 7's events? Well, as mentioned before Lizzie died when she wasn't meant to, with overwhelming feelings of rage and a desire for revenge against (most of) the server. In addition, two other reds, mumbo and jimmy, died to a forced hard task from grian and etho. So, all the reds except The Watchers' special boy Martyn are gone. Not awesome if you want everything to return to dust quickly. But, mainly, Lizzie's, uhhhh, let's call it curse, people like that word, transferred to Gem in the form of a hijacked task. I mean, it doesn't function according to any of the rules set by the Secret Keeper. And neither did Gem's end portal task, really, if you think about. Oh abd neither did Bdub's free the end. Wait. Bdub's? Free the End? And hey, would you look at that, he's also the first infected. And who's next? Impulse, Pearl? Ain't that our little end fighting army? (Also, Bdubs was the first ever person to get the Boogie curse but again, not getting into that. So, uh yeah, basically The End, an entity in opposition to The Watchers, has hijacked the task system, and possibly brought Gem in, in order to free itself and then end the series as quickly as possible. A desperation move, really, but it makes sense, this season's torture was gonna be especially prolonged.

Essentially my first theory, and I don't have too much knowledge on lore and stuff, but sometimes words are in your head and you have to get them out somehow.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Grian is a survivor.

He was never as on board with the Bad Boys shtick, only doing it cause he had to in order to join (and making many complaints along the way).

When the others died and only Grian was left, the Bad Boys would be dead as well. It only existed as long as either Jimmy or Joel did, because "Bad Boys" was their thing, and Grian was just along for the ride. He told Joel as much; he had no reason to hide it.

Grian accepted Joel's death far before it happened. He opted to join the Nosy Neighbors as a precaution. He's a planner, y'know; ahead of the game.

Grian doesn't care about the C-plots and the gimmicks. He doesn't make alliances out of love, he plays his cards and keeps his eye on the prize. Grian aims to win, and he makes this clear to everyone around him. That's all there is to it.

...

Of course, there were some minor hiccups.

Grian went along with the Bad Boys' style, leather jackets and all. Though it was unlikely he would've been kicked out for rejecting the fashion trend, the other two would not stop pushing for it, so he relented. It was stupid, and unsavory, a waste of time really. But it made the Bad Boys happy. So he wore it on his back and his sleeve. He wore them wherever he went.

When the opportunity came, he urged Jimmy to make kills using his plans, Grian's plans, because Jimmy needed the time more. He waited around a status chamber aimlessly, not partaking in the fun of his own contraption, because he caused Jimmy's death, and it was an accident and he was sorry but it didn't matter because he killed Jimmy-

So he tried making up for it. In every way he could.

At some point, Jimmy died. Got too excited trying to push a minecart and slipped and fell into his own death trap. Grian called the man an idiot. Said he died by being a fool. Because he was. He was a fool for dying the way he did.

... he was a fool for leaving them behind.

And when Joel brought up that even more stupid frog, that he knew where Jimmy's base for it was, Grian... well, he complained for starters. Complained the whole way there. Kept on complaining even during the funeral service, because Jimmy was a right fool and really needed to hear it even if he was dead.

And hear it he did. Because despite the protests, Grian went through with it. He went to the spot with Joel, he donned the mourning suit, he held a funeral service. Even threw in diamonds as a memorial tribute (Joel pointed out that those diamonds were still valuable, could put together a sword in a pinch, but... Grian didn't care. Those diamonds were for Dead Jimmy).

Still, none of that meant anything too important, of course. Grian moved on quickly. He organized, made alliances, continued to get kills. Joel, not so much. Grian could only look on in disappointment as his ally throughout this entire ordeal was throwing himself into harm's way as part of some suicidal urge to destroy the entire server and everyone in it (this included Joel himself, apparently).

Dead Jimmy had broken Alive Joel to mourn him fully, and Grian let him deal with that in his own way because he had planning to do dammit. They had burned their bridges with the Family and needed a failsafe. He accepted that Joel was nearing his end, and geared up for the next phase of surviving with his new allies. He let Joel know that once the two J's were out, the Bad Boys would be no more. Grian didn't care enough to uphold the name.

... he did try to uphold Joel though. Quite aggressively. He actually begged Joel to kill him so Joel could have more time, and Joel... didn't. He refused. He refused. The rabid wolf of a man was so stupidly loyal that he insisted on going after anyone but the one who would willingly give him time. Because that one was part of Joel's pack. A Bad Boy. And Bad Boys will make a bridge made of bread for no real reason, and Bad Boys will call each other "babe", dig straight down into lava, fail bucket clutches on a dare. Bad Boys will wear sunglasses so you don't see them cry.

But Bad Boys will never turn on each other. They won't hurt their own. Joel won't hurt Grian.

And Grian... he doesn't know how to deal with that only than to grit his teeth, hope that Joel takes up his offer, and continue planning. Because Grian doesn't waste his time trying to save lost causes. He isn't some sentimental fool who sticks around to see teammates destroy themselves. He won't go chasing after a doomed partner to try and have them take time off his own clock so he won't be left alone again after the other one already died, and he isn't worried for his only remaining Bad Boy and he isn't going to chase after him trying to get the reckless idiot to kill him because he has hours to spare and Joel doesn't and Joel's running out of time he's going to die if Grian doesn't do something Joel kill me I HAVE THE TIME KILL ME JOEL KILL ME-

Joel is crying out for Grian when he dies.

...

Grian moves on. Grian doesn't stare sadly at the place where his the final Bad Boy perishes. Grian doesn't think about how he didn't see it happen, because he was looking down when the lightning struck. Grian doesn't mourn. He becomes a Nosy Neighbor. He builds another quick memorial out of courtesy, nothing more. He plans and prepares and stays alive. He doesn't miss his fallen team. His boys.

Grian isn't lonely.

...

Grian is a survivor.

[sxthee]

My blog's just revolving around them now, huh? Gods, there's no escape for this chronic brainrot—

ANYWAY.

You know how when you brainrot on desertduo sm, every song you hear is just about them???? I just had a ponder and invisible strings by taylor swift vaguely represents them???

OKAY HEAR ME OUT—

(Ramble under the cut)

I believe this song can be taken from Grian's internal dialoguing. Like Grian slowly having a soft spot for Scar and realizes he's not all that bad as soon as he slowly got to know him better. Also a great allusion to Double Life that makes use of the "soulmate" thing, wherein that idea is usually represented with strings tied to people (to which where the song will be used!)

Paragraph one. Grian crossed various places just in hopes to find his soulmate (and is walking on grass), and coincidentally, met (or revealed) him surrounded by the greenery. Teal was the color of the shirt could be just his shirt getting wet from the river water that could be visioned as teal-looking. You used to work at to make a little money just basically describes Scar's conman days way back on Third and Last Life, where he would "work" to make a "little money" to which that would be resources.

Paragraph two. Grian was baffled and confused as to how everything fell exactly to where they were at. There weren't any clues to give him a sign of this eventual thing, and for some reason, it's so intriguing. And to him, it's kinda funny at how of all things, he was tied to him. He could not believe that.

Paragraph three. Bad was the blood of the song in the cab (on your first trip to LA) ; clearly, there was somr "hate" in Grian. Hate because he was paired with Scar — someone who's prone to disasters (and whatever Grian has going in with him lmao-) And there was some slight argument between them to which where they should base. Scar wanting to reside in the jungles(?) with the Jellie pandas, and Grian on a hill across Joel and Etho (but it wasnt much of an issue because Scar came to terms with it anyway by creating a compromise himself by bringing the pandad to their base, and it's because he's Scar). While that bad blood part was more on Grian, the "secret soulmate" thing was definitely a bad blood between Scar, BigB, and Grian.

Paragraph four. Now THIS. This is what I believe to be the epitome of the desertduo in this song. As time progressed and they spent more time each other, as what most would agree (and have portrayed them), they would slice each other open out of love, and bleed them out of love, yet they are the remedy to that because they love each other. Like two forces dancing, colliding and creatinf pressure and damage as they draw closer, yet every repel they take would take then closer, to only repeat the cycle again — something like that, that's how their relationship works. And the repetition of the isn't it just so pretty to think all along there some invisible string, tying you to me? Is like something that Grian repeats in his mind over and over again. Yet again, as if he was in disbelief, yet amazed. Like.. "What the hell?" And simultaneously "Wow, he's gorgeous".

Paragraph five. Forgive me if I may have made a mistake in connecting the lyrics to the "canon" story, but as far as I could remember thanks to the desert duo dynamics I see on my feed, Scar was the one who saved Grian, like his blanket — his comfort — amidst the battlefield that they were in. Maybe Grian was still scared of hurting Scar so he pushed him away, yet Scar had his arms warmly open for him, locking away Grian's insecurities by barb wiring, and by forgiving him, and forgetting the past and wanting to move on and live with him in this new life they have. They've gone through so many hardships, and even if they had briefly separated via alliances on Last Life, somehow, they would still wound up to each other's side. (Also, with Watcher Lore being applied + the power of fanfiction, A string that pulled me out of all the wrong arms right into that dive bar: it could be Scar pulling or saving Grian from the watchers without hesitation)

Paragraph six. It's not "canon" compliant, since the two of them are just so— (iykyk) Anyway. If we are to restate this into a fanfiction with no angsty ending, we could say that Grian eventually came to terms with the past and is no longer chained to it.

Paragraph seven. It was at this point as if Grian had accepted it that it was kinda a wonderful thing. He was intrigued and found it beautiful that they were tied by a mere string. Scar gave him a hard time (he did too) and misunderstandings and quarrels were created in the process too, but in the end, it still felt like heaven. Blissful. To be by his side.

But of course this is Grian who were talking about. He may have accepted it. But he won't ever openly admit it.

JSNSKFNEJJRNRNR i have no idea if this made any sense, or had i correctly remembered how it goes to connect it to the lyrics. this is literally just all over the place, i apologizeeee JESNFNDNN what are your thoughts about this?? (-v-")7

[trafficdivorcedbracket]

Ok hear me out: Desert Duo isn't divorced. They're widowed. They're each other's widow.

I remember that in 3rd Life Scott said something along the lines of "once our husbands die in the war, we can be free". But Grian was never freed, was he? Even after he lost his first life, he still stuck by Scar's side despite no longer being indebted to him. Their relationship didn't end because they divorced, it ended because they were forced to kill each other in the end.

You could argue that the next seasons have them trying to move on from the desert. It doesn't really work when they try to work together in Last Life, that relationship ended before it even started.

In Double Life, they are tied together, and neither of them really wants to be there. Scar wants to wander around with his Jellie pandas, and Grian drags him around while simultaneously cheating on him with Big B. But they were still together in the end. They could have divorced, could have gone their separate ways like the Divorce Quartet did, but they still stuck together. Yes, because Grian was afraid Scar would just kill them if left to his devices, but my point still stands: they never divorced. If anything, they ended as a bitter couple that was only still married for the sake of convenience. It was death that did them part.

And then they were cousins in Limited Life, no one really knows what was going on there—

Yes, they are iconic. Yes, they are tragic. But I'm afraid they're not nearly as divorced as Divorce Quartet.

Regardless of the name the group gets, it is undeniable that their whole story in Double Life is about divorce. They were tied agains their will, and Scott and Cleo openly decided to cut those ties. In episode one.

So you have Martyn as the desperate ex-husband trying to get his soulmate back, killing her and eventually ending up in some sort of bitter alliance. Not forgiveness, not a return to what their relationship could be, but more like divorced parents begrudgingly reaching a truce to attend their child's school play. Or in this case, to defend themselves from a common enemy.

And then you have Pearl. Poor, poor Pearl. She went deranged in her loneliness. She sought revenge rather than reconciliation. She and Martyn joined the Broken Heart's Club because they literally had no one else. To her soulmate, Pearl was just a crazy wet cat of an ex who kept sending drunk messages only to be left on read. When the bitter alliance came, she was so hopeful, but it didn't mean anything. In the end, she killed Cleo, and she was ready to fight Scott for that first place.

She forgave Scott, yes. They were allies for a short period of time in Limited Life. And then Pearl decided to spite him and his new partner just for the sake of it, ending that alliance as well. Friendship divorce. No one else does it like her, I'm telling you.

So there you have it. Tragic for different reasons, but only one group may prevail as the most divorced. And that is the Divorce Quartet.

Thank you

RAHHHHH! ! Speak your truth to the masses ^_^

[probablyaseamonster]

Secret Life hot take kinda?

I really didn't like the merch. Felt cheap as hell. Also, I felt like there were so many ways it could've been more creative, you know?

I was hesitant to put this out there because 1) it's a complete asshole move to say "your thing sucks, here's some of MY ideas" and 2) I heard that Grian tries really hard to come up with new ideas for each season's theme ON HIS OWN and he doesn't want to be inspired or influenced by any suggestions he recieves.

But well. I have decided to share my ideas anyway, because i want to. Hope you guys like them?

- Pizza on everything. I want him on tee-shirts, phone cases, keychains, stickers - he's one of the most iconic pets in the Life Series and he deserves his own merch! Also it'd be fun to draw actual pizza next to him if whatever way

Similarly: edgy red wolf-moon shirt with the line "til death do us part" with the letters L and Y drawn over the first word in a different font so it looks like Scott handwrote on top of a line from a book

Graphic design of Scarlet Pearl looking scary, either with the moon behind her or the moon-shaped scythes the fandom likes to draw her with poised and ready, and the line "something wicked this way comes" in distinct typography

Dogwarts banner as a poster. This one would be really simple I think and it's subtle enough to have people outside the fandom not even be able to GUESS what it's a reference to

Similarly, the Cherry Blossom shield pattern as a banner. I know they weren't as interesting as Dogwarts but they're like one of the only alliances who had something akin to a flag and their colours were aesthetic anyway, similar reason as Dogwarts

Fake band poster of Gem and the Scotts

Beanie designed to look like a mound of dirt, representing the Mounders

Cute design of an upside down house with the words "YES I KNOW IT'S UPSIDE DOWN" underneath. To anyone not in the fandom it reads as one of those "don't ask me blank" shirts

Cute design of an angry yorkshire terrier with a bone in its mouth with the words "the hound of hell" underneath in bloody gorey print to contrast

Stickers that come in quartets for BEST and TIES - bonus points if the B is green, the E is white-blue, the S is red, the T is orange, and the I is yellow, bonus BONUS points if the B has a mossy pattern, E has a snowflake pattern, T has a flame pattern, S has a halo, and I has demon horns

Cute ghast with puppy-dog eyes saying "We can still be friends!" Again, has a different vibe without context but isn't totally incomprehensible

Cute cartoon clock-people standing tough with the phrase "don't mess with the family" underneath in some font that makes you think of mafias or crime lords

Bread wearing sunglasses - "Bad Boys love bread, Bad Boys get bread"

Shirt with canary wings on the back

Cactus circle - "what happens in the cactus circle stays in the cactus circle" THIS one is incomprehensible to non-fans

Turtleneck with a bleeding pattern on the neck (meant to invoke images of beheading), very edgy but also works for a variety of situations

Pufferfish and poppies together somehow

Simplified flower valley with the words "hobbits invented gay people". Might get sued by whoever has the rights to Lord of the Rings.

Red shirt with snowflake pattern - "Red winter is coming!" Also might get sued by someone

Chonky Jellie with the phrase "frick you, my soulmate is my cat"

Okay! That's 20 of them! I actually have a lot more ideas but I'm stopping here because I have no clue if anyone's actually gonna read down this far! I hope you guys like these ideas (I say to my like 10 mutuals, love you guys)!

[cl4ssyjazzy]

I think a big reason for this is that it's really difficult to hold grudges against someone when you know they are being controlled. People hit, steal and insult each other, but because it's in the name of a task, something everyone is kind of forced to do, therefore everyone understands, not many people seem to mind. The secret keeper became the perfect scape goat.

When the boogieman was around, it was only ONE person being controlled, and you knew even they HAD to kill someone, but you knew WHO to kill was the only thing they could controll, you knew it didn't HAVE to be YOU. Tasks are secret, you don't really know if the task had your name, so you just have to believe it did and move on with your own task. Nobody really cared when Gem killed them because they understood that it was a task and were now concentrated on two things: completing this new task, and ensuring their allies were the last ones to fall.

Most grudges you see this season are outside of tasks, because someone CHOOSE to do something (or cause of classic miscommunication)

Check out how the biggest act of love is FAILING a task for someone, something so big it's only seen on the strongest of alliances. Failing a task is giving up your life, your chance of surviving, for the other. When Etho protected Cleo and Grian from the zombies, he placed their lives above those of the rest of the server, but most importantly, he placed them above his own life.

yeah, i'm actually really fascinated by the setup going into the last episode here.

like. okay. so the thing is: despite the tasks and the secrecy and the chaos, secret life has actually been a season of INCREDIBLY STABLE ALLIANCES. i don't think alliances have been this stable since third life. people keep on re-affirming their loyalty to one another, sacrificing themselves for one another, dying for one another.

the difference between this and third life, though, is that there aren't blood feuds driving this whole thing. sure, there are some grudges (the cleo/pearl enemyship from this season instantly exploding, for example) and some loners (poor scar) but. NOTHING like the level the end of a life series season normally gets to. everyone is mostly... friendly? and they're going to protect their own alliance first, but...

the thing is, no one has an incentive outside of the tasks to kill, it feels like. despite several tasks seemingly being DESIGNED to form grudges, that lack of grudge, killing energy is felt ALL THROUGHOUT this session. the reds only went after yellows, after all, and even that felt... almost half-hearted and cartoonish, compared to how it normally gets when there are only a few yellows left and a critical mass of reds. and without yellows to target here, what drive do the red names have to start killing?

they don't have any reason to betray each other, and they also don't have any reason to lead their allies into danger, right now. we're in a calm before the storm, sure, but i have no idea what can even START the storm.

something has to blow this up next. something has to make this fall apart. but for the season about secrets, this has been a season of people who largely stick together, and i don't know if anything can change that at this point. not when everyone is settling back into their alliances after the zombie thing last session.

i suspect we're going to have a different kind of ending: an ending of people who don't want to be doing it. who are tired. who don't want to be killing. all they want is to protect their alliances. they're on an even playing field now, after all.

the only difference from the start of the game, now, is that they have people to lose, and three already missing. three holes in the cast list to remind us that this is still a death game, even after two deathless sessions later.

i don't know where this is going. i don't know what this is setting up. but it's... strange, and i'm fascinated.

[hermitcraftjoel]

Some angsty 3rd life headcanons based around nerfing players.

Grian’s wings are clipped so he can no longer fly. They drag heavily behind him now, that extra weight on his shoulders reminding him of what he sacrificed to play this game. He no longer has the energy to take care of them. There’s no point. But he can’t bring himself to regret this. He has to make his sacrifice worth it. He has to win.

Scott’s magic is sucked out of him. All that’s left are the lights dancing around his head that reflect his lives. A mockery of the power he once had, a power that he can’t even control anymore. He feels hollow, like there’s always a piece of him missing. He secretly hopes that there’s something left, anything that he can use to escape. He regrets his choice to play this game.

Cleo’s body is falling apart. Her power is failing. She’s not allowed magic in here, after all. The sun has never bothered her, but she can’t help but feel like it’s burning her, eating away at her peeling skin and greying bones. Her arm could fall off at any moment, she could drop her sword, she could be torn to pieces in seconds. Cleo can’t do this alone and she knows it. She hates the fact that she has to rely on other people, people who pity her, belittle her, or see her as an easy target. Cleo needs to win, to prove herself. To show them that what is dead can never be killed.

Tango’s eyes no longer glow with the same brightness that they did before. The spark of redstone has been dulled so he can’t set off TNT with the snap of his fingers. Tango feels empty now, less motivated and less enthusiastic. The crimson dust that coated his hands has become a hard shell, making it difficult to move his hands. But he can’t let that stop him from winning. He just has to get creative. To prove that he doesn’t need his so-called superpowers to beat his foes.

Pearl doesn’t glow anymore. She can no longer choose to ignore the mortal confines of gravity and her eyes can’t see in the pitch darkness. She should be glad that she can’t be pinpointed like a beacon, but she feels so, so heavy. Now she’s tethered to the ground like any other person, now she can’t see in the endless blackness of the forests. For the first time in her long, long life, Pearl dreads the coming of nightfall.

Bdubs loses his camouflage, the magic his moss coat fading until it’s a piece of green fabric. He can’t help but feel exposed, everywhere, all the time. He becomes paranoid, always watching, always looking over his shoulder, but his eyes can’t work like they used to, and Bdubs still hasn’t adjusted to his reduced vision. He regrets joining this game. From now on, he’ll always be scared of what’s behind him.

Martyn is a pixie. His mischievous ways create an alliance formed upon laughter, upon a friendship. But he can’t shake the feeling that something will go terribly wrong. He is always with someone, never wanting to be alone with his thoughts. The absence of his magic leaves him always second-guessing himself. He began the game playing for some lighthearted fun, but when he sees how much it means to his new friends, he fights for them, and the friendships he’s built. Until it all crashes down. As war rages around him, Martyn realises that this game was never meant to be fun.

Lizzie’s delicate, crystalline fairy wings are torn to pieces. They hang, defeated, in tatters down her back, a cruel show of what happens to beauty in this broken world. Although it no longer gives her power, Lizzie is still drawn to the depths of the forest. Her Fairy Fort stands strong. Lizzie only wishes it isn’t so open, so the others cannot hear her weep.

Rendog was a werewolf. This part of him was so powerful, the Gamemakers could not remove it completely. He was left a human with the ears, claws and tail of a wolf. In the Gamemakers attempts to nerf them, they leave Ren’s hyper-sensitive ears constantly ringing with the climax of so many explosions that he doesn’t even flinch when TNT is activated. His claws are unceremoniously broken off and filed down to stubs. His tail is left with him as a reminder of what has been taken. Ren needs no reminders when his body is constantly in pain, battling with itself in a war that can never be won. Ren never chose to be here.

And then there’s Scar. A human who has never felt the pain of losing your magic, the part of you that makes you whole. He’s never needed to. He’s not burdened with slashed wings or faded powers. All Scar needs is a rare commodity and a charming smile. Maybe a human’s brain was the thing the Gamemakers needed to nerf after all.

[ahalliance]

—

There are too many people on his mountain.

It wasn’t too long ago that he would have welcomed the lot of them, but now all he feels is a dull sort of anger at the reminder of what he’d lost. And said anger is at the risk of rapidly growing into a fiery blaze if they don’t start heeding the warning bells that accompany a red life’s very presence.

He watches them through narrowed eyes. Jimmy looks nervous beyond belief, shooting him furtive glances, and pretending not to be. He is failing miserably, but at least he has the decency to be visibly on edge. Impulse has a hand on his shoulder but his eyes are elsewhere, the light green observing something happening down the mountain. Martyn, who seems to be completely uncaring, elbows Mumbo in the side. The dark haired man grins, swatting at Martyn’s shoulder and barely missing as he slips out of the way just in time.

Grian is the only one looking in his direction. It only serves to make the quiet, desperate fury in his heart buzz stronger.

Scar steps out of his hut, from dark into day, arms spread out wide and crooked grin plastered onto his face. His crimson eyes are sharper than ever as they land, one by one, on each of the Southerners. “Welcome! How may I be of service to you today?”

“Right,” his attention snaps to Martyn, who seems to have sobered up and stopped joking around with Mumbo. Despite this, he’s still sporting an easy smile. “Sorry to drop by unannounced Scar, but we were in the area and figured we would try our hand at some trading.”

There’s a pause. Jimmy speaks up, voice hesitant. “Figured you could use the company as well.”

Scar’s sword weighs heavy at his side, tucked beneath his robes. He bites back the urge to draw it and to ruin their day with a few simple slices. Realistically, he doubts he’d get there in time, but god was it tempting. Besides, he’s too close to the edge of the cliff, and he doesn’t trust any of them to not shove him off it despite their usual unwillingness to kill a red life.

He’d been the one to fix the mess of the red lives in the first place. And all he had been gifted in return was a permanent solitude, a burden that only grew heavier each new day spent with it. He’d put so much effort into fostering his alliances, had tried so hard to form meaningful partnerships, but it had all backfired. His contracts were only good on paper — no written agreement could ever bring about the same relief a real friendship could.

And it was unfair. This loneliness was unfair.

“Yeah.” He swallows past the bitter lump in his throat. “I suppose I could. But it wouldn’t be in your best interests.”

“Come on, a few minutes won’t hurt!” Mumbo sounds more optimistic than he looks, and a skeptical stare from Scar is enough to make him flounder a little bit. “Ah— as long as you promise to not do anything, of course.”

“Of course.” It comes out strained, forced out through clenched teeth. It isn’t convincing in the slightest, but by the time they could even think to say anything he’s already moved on. He claps his hands together, attempting another one of his signature grins. He hopes it sticks well enough.

“I have many resources on sale here! Unfortunately, my lives are all currently out of stock due to some unforeseen circumstances, but I can offer a variety of ores. I’m assuming you’d prefer diamonds?”

Scar’s eyes land on Grian, decked out in iron armour. Unlike Jimmy or Mumbo, Grian continues to meet his eyes without flinching, golden yellow crossing ruby red. His anger, coated in the bloodlust of a man of his status, continues to fester.

“Yeah.” Eventually, finally, Grian speaks up. His voice is even, but Scar knows him well enough to pick out the hints of something unsteady that lurks within. “Yeah, I’d definitely need some diamonds. What would you want for, say, two?”

Grian is unlike Martyn as well, Scar realises. Martyn had been bold, almost completely unperturbed by his presence. He’d looked him straight in the eye, smiled, and asked to trade.

Grian’s voice is rocky with remorse. Strands of his dusty blonde hair fall into his eyes, and when he tucks them back behind his ear, the tension in his hand is ever so slight, but just ever so noticeable.

Scar finds appreciation in that, in the balance between fear and indifference. His ire cools into something calmer. His smile is a little bit more solid as he shines it at Grian.

“What do you have on you?”

“Uh-“ Grian raises his eyebrows, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Not sure. I’d have to check my bags.”

Scar thinks he can hear the distant sound of voices, climbing the mountain.

Impulse speaks up, belatedly. He has torn his eyes away from whatever he had been watching before, maybe the owners of the voices. “I have some ender pearls, if they so interest you!” As always, his smile is wide and bright, but Scar has to hold back a sigh as Impulse’s eyes refuse to meet his, the light green landing just a little below where they should be.

He ignores it, and nods instead. “Ender pearls would be of great use to me, Impulse, thank you for the offer. And, uh, how many—?”

“Would three be enough?”

Scar knows he could squeeze out more, could strike a better bargain if he really wanted to. But exhaustion clings to his bones, and he wants to get out of the cold, biting air and into the semi warmth of his home.

The isolation has been gnawing at his last remaining soul. He knows letting the Southlanders leave would only worsen it, but he doesn’t have it in him to care anymore.

He steps forwards, opening the small satchel that hangs around his waist, pulling out the owed diamonds. Impulse beams, pulling out the ender pearls. Grian hasn’t moved, but his expression seems to crease into a small frown. “Hey, Scar, heads up-“

There’s a presence from behind him shouting a teasing, harmless greeting in his ear. His upper body locks up in the terror of the surprise, and before he can process what’s happening and the apparent levity of it all, he’s stumbling backwards, legs on autopilot.

When his foot hits the open air, his heart skips a beat.

There’s a few screams that ring out as he slips from the cliffside, but he can barely make them out over the rush of panic that grips him as he realises he’s mere seconds away from death. His final death.

Red eyes widen in pure, unrestrained fear. His body hits the ground at a horrible angle and agony rushes up his back and neck, limbs shaking from the force of the shock, a gasp of pain beginning to fall from his lips as he-

As he-

As he wakes up in his bed, heart pounding away at his ribcage like a jackhammer. Remnants of green sparks flutter around him before they fade into nothing.

The gasp tears through his throat as he doubles over from the leftover, lingering pain that a respawn always brings. He hacks up nothing but spit and air as he grips the bedsheets tighter, claw-like fingers digging into the white fabric. He breathes in deep once and then bites down hard on his lower lip, shutting his eyes, holding back a whimper.

It takes a few more moments for Scar’s shaking to subside, and when he does he cracks open a hesitant eye, breathing heavily yet with a confused reluctance. He should be dead. Deader than dead, gone, reduced to a lonely ghost doomed to amble through the already blood soaked lands until someone eventually won.

But as he draws in a breath, he is just invigorated with more life than ever before.

His mind takes a few seconds longer to refocuse properly. When it does, his newfound clarity has made him aware of a figure crouching by his side, dusty blonde hair falling into a similar pair of blood red eyes.

—

[creatorofchaos]

Last Life Theory:

Season 2 actually happens before Season 1, all of which happen before Season 6 of Hermitcraft, but after the events of Evo.

⚠️ warning: moving ahead are spoilers for Last Life, Third Life, Hermitcraft, and Evo.

Implications:

I think that the implications here are pretty horrifying in themselves. For one, similar to if the season progressed in normal numerical order, every participant would have to experience the terrifying reality of permadying once again.

However, the second reason is much more scarring. There are players in season 2 who did not appear in season one, namely, Mumbo, Lizzie, and Pearl.

We can see the effects of season 2 play out in the dynamics that reappear in season 1.

Game Mechanics:

Starting out is the change in game mechanics. There is no BoogieMan in season 1. Instead, everyone started at 3 lives and then progressively died or were killed. But the paranoia remained so much so, that Grian inadvertently kills Scar with a creeper. Fan theory proposition was that it was to test whether they finally escaped the world’s mechanics, only for everyone to be sorely disappointed that they had not.

People:

Mumbo:

Next are the people. The obvious one being Mumbo. His relationship with Grian doesn’t start in earnest like you would expect two close friends to be. Instead, they pull together as the Southlanders unite. Lore-wise, an argument could be made that this is where the Grian/Mumbo friendship begins moving towards Hermitcraft. Adding fuel to this flame, Grian in Season 1 mentions to Scar in seemingly out of context form, “Do you think Mumbo would be proud?” If season 1 truly took place before season 2, this extremely dramatic line makes no sense. After all, who is Mumbo? He had not appeared in season 1 so there is no point to pushing this line unless Mumbo and Grian had some kind of relationship (friendship, we will use) before the events of season 1.

Lizzie:

Next is Lizzie (LDShadowLady). She is one of the older Minecraft players who never dabbled with the Hermits much before the events of Last Life and had her most active following during the times of DanTDM, CaptainSparklez, SkyDoesMinecraft, and Stampy. However, there is also one other old Minecraft player on the server - Martyn, aka InTheLittleWood. Martyn was a member of the Yogscast and made cameos in the music parodies “Screw the Nether” and “How Do I Craft This Again?”

Now what do these two older MCYTers have in common? They have in common a single individual - Rendog. In season 2, Ren is Lizzie’s knight, or at least the fandom put them in these roles. However, upon entering Season 1, Lizzie is nowhere to be found. Who better to take the new mantle of royalty than the knight appointed by the queen herself before? Thereby, Dogwarts is born. But for Ren to thrive, he too needs a knight of his own. Sniffing out the only other old soul on the server, he comes to Martyn, who is left without the allies he had in Season 2. After all, in a boogie-filled rage, he stabs Grian in the back, attempting to kill him, only for his kill to be stolen by Joel. Martyn is more than happy to join Ren - a new ally and friend - in his quest to win. This alliance is only further solidified with Grian’s constant antagonization of Dogwarts.

Pearl:

Lastly, we have Pearl. To be honest, I haven’t had the time to watch Pearl’s Last Life perspective, but I vaguely remember her being in Evo with Grian when I used to watch that series. This leads in to the timeline placement outside of the last life series.

Series Placement:

Evo:

Lining this up with the Hermitcraft series, especially before season 6, allows for a number of interesting implications surrounding the connection of the two series. For one, Evo, from Grian’s perspective, ended with the ender dragon fight, in which the Watchers had him join them after everyone fought in the End themselves instead of together (not 100% sure on this ending, so correct me if I’m wrong). However, there are a number of people besides Grian from Evo that appear in Last Life, including Pearl, Martyn, Jimmy (Solidarity), and Bigb.

If we take the presumption that Last Life Season 1 is the season before Hermitcraft season 6 and Last life season 2 is before Season 1, we see that, when Evo ended these 5 players entered Last Life with a number of the Hermits, alongside a couple non-Hermits.

In season 2, Grian allies himself with two of his former Evo members, Jimmy and Martyn. Both of these people come to betray him at some point in the series, in which neither were red names. This is an important distinction to Mumbo - whom Grian holds in high regard during the events of season 1, and then reconnects with once on the Hermitcraft server. Comparatively, Grian, in last life season 1, is antagonistic to his former allies in season 2. Grian has had mixed relations with Joel and has yet to interact with Pear in Last Life for any long length of time. All in all, of the Evo members, Grian is the only survivor who makes it to Hermitcraft season 6.

Going into season 1, Grian only allies himself with Scar. Compared to season 2 where Grian has more allies than he knows what to do with, only targeting Scar, Etho, and Scott for much of the season. Season 2 tears apart Grian’s ability to trust his friends. From Boogie kills to red life backstabbings, he goes from a solid alliance to putting together a fragmented and outnumbered red-name team. Ironically, the only individuals in Session 7 of season 2 who does not in some way hinder his plans are Scar and Pearl, both of whom were absent for at least a large chunk of the session. Pearl does not appear in Season 1 and Grian is eventually pigeonholed into another contract aligning himself with Scar.

Connection to Hermitcraft:

Etho, BDubs, and the nHo:

The Hermits in season 5 that are in Last Life are Scar, Etho, Ren, Tango, Impulse, BDubs, Cleo, and Mumbo. Two of these individuals - Bdubs and Etho - are notorious for having been part of the nHo in season 5, of which disbanded due to external conflicts that lead to Etho, Beef, and BDubs retreating from Hermitcraft for a short time (until the events of season 7). Etho returned to playing only single player Minecraft, BDubs took a hiatus for family matters, eventually also return to YouTube largely outside of Minecraft, before turning to single player as well, and Beef, who drifted away from Vanilla Minecraft and at times, the game altogether. All three individuals returned by Season 7 but didn’t do anywhere near the level of collaboration that was present in season 5.

The events of session 7 last life season 2 can begin to shed light though on this fan-made timeline. Bdubs once again dies and becomes a red life, staying loyal to Etho before being finished off by Grian (the eventual three of four way split to appear in last life season 1). Even after the Last Life events end and Hermitcraft begins again, BDubs and Etho are nowhere near as close as they were in last life season 2 or Hermitcraft season 5. This can be obviously explained away by breaking the fourth wall to avoid stale interactions, but for the sake of our timeline, is important.

The Grian Paradox:

Now, why is it that Grian, in this fan-made timeline, gets to survive and live on in Hermitcraft, but his fellow Evo members do not? Well, the simple answer is that Grian wins Last life season 1.

If we assume that the individuals from season 2 return in season 1, less a few members, we can make an even more interesting proposition: Grian is the only individual to remember external events, and by extension, the events of Last Life. For purposes of continuity, let’s say it is because Grian was chosen by the Watchers and this became another world of his he gets the misfortune of watching played out like a puppet show.

Grian is the only individual in last life season 1 to mention someone outside of the game that eventually enters, Scar not even giving Grian’s concern much thought. He ends up winning in the end of last life season 1, allowing him to enter Hermitcraft.

Placement Before Hermitcraft Season 6:

But why put last life before season 6 of Hermitcraft? Why not season 8, when Pearl joins? I place it here because it is the last season break we have in which this last life event could occur, where Grian then joins the Hermits (or rejoins if a later season), but is still before the events of Demise in Season 6.

Demise shares many of the traits of the Last Life Universe, but instead of three lives, a player had one life. Upon dying, the player then had to kill as many of the still alive players as possible. The one hindrance, direct pvp kills we’re not allowed; only traps and natural deaths were allowed.

In our fanmade timeline, Grian had to test the waters one final time, just to make sure his friends in Hermitcraft wouldn’t befell the same fate the rest all forgot from their experiences in Last life.

Please add what else you can think of for this theory below, or correct me if I’m wrong!

Note: if I happened to use anyone’s art in the pictures above, let me know so that I can give them proper credit.

Further note: I do not give permission to MatPat, The Game Theorists, or any channel related to the prior two mentioned individuals permission to use the forgoing information for any content they wish to produce without my explicit permission, of which I have not rendered.

[redorich]

Dream goes investigate the "hobbit crater" and see what the hell is happening over there.

It was the worst mistake of his life and that's the first time anyone see the message of a death for Dream.

Early-game, when the Hermits’ post-apocalyptic village was still under construction and the bunker half-finished at best, they all agreed that under no circumstances should they allow themselves to be seen. Xisuma, out of commission as he was (and still is) from protecting his Hermits from the Split, would not be able to protect them from the server’s native admins, or respawn them very often.

Then Puffy shows up. Unlike the others who came before her, seeking alliance or offering protection, all Puffy does is poke around a bit in the seemingly empty village, before placing down a barrel and leaving some much-needed items inside. (The dirt, in the small quantity she left, is next to useless, but thoughtful. The saplings are mostly irrelevant, given that Impulse and Etho have set up a gigantic tree farm burrowed into the side of the canyon; however, Puffy included jungle saplings, which they had none of. The best gift, though, is hands-down the pig spawner. Cub loses his shit for a solid hour over the block’s existence, and in the meantime Tango gratefully stops trying to set up a hoglin farm while wearing unenchanted iron armor.)

So, the Hermits reconvene. Some say they should make traps. Doc seems especially in favor of this-- not out of any outstanding fear of intruders, but more just because he wants an excuse to build extravagant redstone traps. Grian, on the other hand, protests: he likes the idea of building mean little gremlin traps as well, but what if they hurt Puffy? She’s been nothing but nice, and every time she comes by she brings more gifts.

Stress speaks up, saying that she’s spotted Puffy wearing the cloak that Cleo sewed and Stress embroidered. Not only does Puffy wear it in the canyon, but she also wears it aboveground, as Stress has seen on her furtive seed-gathering trips to the surface.

The Hermits unanimously agree that it would be cruel to harm their kind visitor. At the same time, they do need to set up protections for themselves. They settle on a compromise: they leave the area surrounding Puffy’s barrel unprotected. When she next stops by, among their gifts for her is a written note warning her that the rest of the area now contains lethal traps, and should she venture far from her barrel while in the canyon, she will fall prey to them.

Dream follows Puffy. It’s what he does-- it just so happens that this time she doesn’t know about it. He wants to know why she’s been visiting L’Manhole so frequently. She stops in front of a barrel and pulls out an assortment of items: a diamond pickaxe, lightly worn but with mending on it; a piece of paper with writing he can’t make out from the distance he’s at; a stack of gold blocks; slimeballs.

She puts the items in her inventory and in their place she leaves new items. Dream can’t quite make out everything she’s doing, but he catches a glimpse of a netherite scrap, a handful of bamboo, and a bag of carrots among the items she places in the barrel.

Hm. The Hermit is trading materials with Puffy. Interesting.

Obviously, as soon as Puffy leaves, Dream investigates. Instead of inspecting the barrel, he treads off into the village up ahead. It’s warmly lit with lanterns-- a waste of iron that shouldn’t be affordable to The Hermit yet. Despite the lively appearance of the venue, it appears as though anyone who might have once lived here disappeared into thin air as soon as Dream set foot in their village not five minutes ago.

On a strange urge, he drops to the ground, flattening himself against the stone-and-dirt path as half a stack of flaming arrows pierce the air where his head was not a second prior.

“Shit!” Dream hisses. “I must have tripped a wire...”

The tell-tale noise of pistons gives him just enough warning to jump away, clambering up a beautifully cultivated tree to get away from the solid box of ancient debris tearing its way out of the ground and enclosing the space Dream would have been in. He finds himself morbidly unable to look away as the box of ancient debris gets lava poured into it by a dispenser hidden in the overhang of a nearby roof.

Dream’s head jerks to the side when he hears faint laughter. The Hermit! A spectral arrow embeds itself into his shoulder. He’s screwed now-- the Hermit will the able to see him even if he hides.

An anvil falls onto the tree he’s in, crushing the pretty leaves and nearly crushing his head as well. Obviously, he has to keep moving. Dream hops down onto the ground, avoiding the pressure plates that he now knows are not just decorative. Firework rockets explode past him as he flattens himself against a building. His clothes get singed and his ears ring, but he dodges well enough to make it out unharmed. However, the wall he presses himself against must have a pufferfish on the other side-- or rather, from what his ringing ears can make out, multiple pufferfish-- because his muscles immediately tense in pain as a wave of nausea crashes over him.

Dream only closes his eyes for a split second. That moment is all that the Hermit needs. A netherite axe gleaming with enchantments bites into his arm. Choking back a scream, Dream is forced to drop the sword that he’d unconsciously drawn at the start of the violence. He looks around wildly, but he still can’t see the Hermit. Is it invisible, or did it throw its axe? Cold sweat runs down Dream’s neck.

That’s not sweat running down his neck. It’s sand. He looks up slowly, trepidatiously. He can just barely make out invisibility potion particles, in addition to a grid of scaffolding high in the air and a damning block of sand in the Hermit’s invisible hand. The two stand in a frozen stalemate for several heart-stopping moments, until Dream sees the sand start to fall and bursts into motion.

Dream sprints to the edge of the village, back where Puffy had placed her items into a barrel. If he can just make it there, he should be able to make it out alive--!

There’s now a maze of fucking cacti and sweet berry bushes. Shit. He turns back around, but steps on a pressure plate. His stomach sinks as he falls into a pit of... minecarts?

Oh shit, oh fuck, oh no, entity cramming!

<Dreamwastaken was squished to death>

[aquatic-update]

in another world, bigb tells cleo he’s the boogeyman. it’s near the end of the session and he has yet to get a kill, he can feel the curse at his heels and he’s desperate. he tells her in private- lizzie and ren are allies, but it’s not the same- and braces himself for her rejection. but cleo runs the numbers quickly; it’s better for both of them if she’s on yellow than if he’s on red, and so she agrees to help him. this time, she doesn’t run when he draws his sword, and the last words she hears from him aren’t “i’m sorry,” but “thank you.” 

in another world, bigb kills lizzie. there are several opportunities, but he can’t quite build up the nerve until grian jokingly dumps a bucket of lava at lizzie’s feet. the southlanders are laughing while lizzie jumps around in a panic. this time, bigb doesn’t stand frozen; he rushes towards her, water bucket in hand, and just as she’s thanking him, he switches to a sword and delivers the final blow. suddenly, the southlanders aren’t laughing anymore. across the server, ren howls with rage, abandons his trap, and sets his sights on a new target.

in another world, bigb kills martyn. it’s a risky move- jimmy is right there, and they’re all crammed in the shadow tower together. but as martyn creeps up to the edge of ren’s pit, bigb takes his chance. a crit with an axe takes off the first few hearts, and the fall does the rest. at the bottom of the pit, ren has just placed the last of skizz’s items into a chest when martyn hits the ground next to him. this time, the shadow alliance survives with little consequence; martyn wasn’t one of theirs, and at the end of the day, his name is still green.

in another world, bigb doesn’t kill cleo. he still keeps it a secret, and struggles to find opportunity for a kill, but as the session draws to a close he knows he’s failed. but he’s strong enough to fight the curse, to stay loyal to his closest ally, no matter the cost. he and cleo return to the castle to end the session, and bigb starts silently gathering his things; he’ll want a good set of gear for what’s to come. this time, when bigb tells cleo “i’m sorry,” it’s followed not with the slash of a blade, but by a shower of green particles as he gives all but his last life to her and leaves the castle as a red.

in another world, bigb kills jimmy when they’re alone. he only pulls it off because jimmy is too shocked to react properly. this time, jimmy is the first to be exiled from the southlands and join joel on red; the shadow alliance has never had a bigger target on their backs.

in another world, bigb takes a risk and it doesn’t pay off; failed kill after failed kill leaves him on red by the end of the session, all his friendships splintered for nothing.

in another world, bigb cuts a deal with one of the yellows; he gets a kill, and then immediately returns a life to his victim, joining them as a yellow.

in another world, bigb buys a soul from scar, which he takes by sword to cure his curse.

in another world, bigb catches joel off-guard and eliminates him from the game.

in another world, bigb has been forgiven by cleo.

in another world, bigb never betrayed her.

[hermette-historian]

A Comedy of Errors: The B-Team vs. TEA

You know it's funny, sometimes, how history repeats itself. How many of you knew there was in fact a full on Hermitcraft war all the way back in Season 1? Oh, there was chaos before Grian alright. Have an "abbreviated" summary of events, and see for yourselves just how little our favorite characters have changed.

Part I: The Setup

Biffa2001 is a chaos gremlin. He's has already shown earlier in the season just how bold he can be with threats (however empty) and interfering with other people's stuff. Biffa decides that holding everyone's bases hostage for diamond blocks isn't chaotic enough for him, so he goes in and closes down every shop in the bazaar under threat of foreclosure.

Biffa also has a best friend, our beloved Xisuma. X finds out that his shop has been closed and instead of confronting Biffa goes after DMAC, whom he discovered has not only "illegally" reopened his own shop but has been buying up and undercutting Xisuma's own prices on enchanted iron tools for weeks. (In the meantime, DMAC covered Biffa's entire base in iron golems in retribution for closing the emporium).

Biffa and Xisuma decide that too much shady shit has been going down on this server lately, and that they need to be the ones to bring down the hammer and stop it. They form "The Agency" (later TEA for Tea Eaters' Alliance) and their first target is not DMAC, but GenerikB's Hermits Hurtin' Hurdles from way back at the beginning of the season. The gauntlet has been long abandoned at this point, having been bested by both Joe Hills and Hypnotizd, and parts of it have even been torn down to make way for a slime farm. The Agency decides that it's far too dangerous to be left standing, and bricks the whole passage up with wooden fences. A few days later they return while GB is still out with food poisoning following his vacation. Having decided that the Hermit himself is dangerous to the well-being of the server due to his nasty habit of having a literal hit list, they punish him by filling every air block in his entire underground base with the same wooden fences.

GB, obviously, is pissed. He comes back from his illness to find he's been quarantined, spends several hours trying to tear down the fences by hand, and finally with a heavy heart resorts to burning them. He bricks off as many of the offshoot farms as he can, rescues what important materials he can find, and sets fire to the inside of his base-burning out not only the fences, but nearly a year's worth of carefully placed wooden structures and decorative leaves.

Now effectively homeless until he can hire Topmass to build him a new base, GB decides he needs backup if he's going to go up against The Agency. Within a week the other half of the B-Team (Bdubs, of course) and the "Goon Squad" (Skyzm, Pungence, and Juicetra) join the server and descend on The Agency's respective bases like flies, leaving their calling card: Several extremely large cobblestone Bs.

That, obviously, is not enough. While TEA is building their diamond-studded headquarters at a sit e offshore from Xisuma's base, GB puts up a new shop in the bazaar: The Angels with Bent Halos Foundation, where one can become an "involunteer" and donate their items to the poor and needy of the server (himself. He's just stealing Biffa's stuff.) He also decides that Hypnotizd is a suspiciously neutral party, and sends the Goon Squad out to the remote reaches of the server to investigate his massive, technologically advanced base...

Part II: The Escalation

Enter Joe Hills, and the errors with him. Joe realizes his shop has been closed a few months too late, and misreads the "B" on the sign as meaning "B-Team" regarding recent events. In a fit of righteous anger he griefs the AWBH foundation. The next day he realizes his mistake and very quickly shifts the target of his rage, beginning construction on a courthouse in which he plans to put TEA on trial. Meanwhile TEA builds their own shopfront in the second floor of the bazaar, a sort of police station in which neutral parties can leave complaints and report crimes.

Before Joe can realize his mistake and clean up the mess he made, Juicetra arrives at AWBH and assumes that TEA is responsible for destroying it. He rushes upstairs and leaves a very strongly worded message in their dropbox before bricking up their own shop, "a taste of their own medicine".

GB follows up close behind. Unlike Juicetra, he knows who vandalized the shop and leaves a report formally suing Joe for the damages in the form of an involuntary donation-forcing TEA to work on his side. (He also leaves a second report complaining about the noise from the chickens that X hid in the walls of the bazaar, but that has little to do with the situation).

The turnaround time on the complaints is mere hours. TEA arrives on the scene of the crime to help GB clean up the mess and retrieve his missing items from Joe's shop, and promises that justice will be done. In possibly violent ways.

Part III: The Suspense

The Goon Squad senses the impending "shit's about to go down" and retreats to the mountains, building a secret hideaway for neutral parties to use when bits start to explode. Topmass and his build team finish GB's new base in creative mode (we'll talk about the implications of that later). Hypno pokes his head into the rest of the server for about 0.2 seconds and sees that Bdubs has involunteered the decorative emerald blocks at his nether tunnel, but shows little interest in the whole affair. The neutral parties begin to take sides...

Part IV: A Long-Expected Party

Weeks pass, and nothing is heard from either side of the conflict. And then, a spark.

The Agency receives intelligence containing the coordinates of the Goon Squad's base, and deeming them a higher threat than either the B-Team (due to the substantiated squashing of GB's base) or Joe (who hasn't been seen on the server for weeks due to the birth of his child) decide it's time they paid their due. It takes a reasonable level of hunting, but eventually they are able to track down the coordinates and...redecorate a bit. Just to remind the Goons that the Agency is watching.

It takes a few days, but Skyzm discovers the vandalism and on his own swears revenge from the Goon Squad. Word then reaches GB-famous for his fairness and generosity and certainly not killing people-who is righteously angered by the Agency's actions and leaves the Goon Squad a voucher for an involuntary donation to them such that justice might be done.

A few days later, the Goons come back to the hideout and in a familiar move, angrily burn the vandalism out from the inside. They proceed on a tnt-fueled rampage through all of the little marks that TEA left on their home, and in a final act of revenge vandalize the police station as well as the neighboring TEA-owned Tnt shop and chicken farm.

Here's where things take a turn for the IRL. Juicetra enlists the help of his fanbase via Twitter, and asks them one fateful evening if they have the coordinates or approximate location of the TEA headquarters (which, you may recall from several paragraphs ago, is a) full of diamonds and b) severely lacking security). But before the nosy fans that had scouted the location during the world tour could spill the tea, Xisuma catches wind of the possible heist and very quickly moves the diamonds to a safer location. Only he forgot to tell Biffa. Responding to the emergency call of “someone stole our diamonds!!” results in awkward apologies and a trip to view the damage to the police station, and then…to do nothing about it?

Unfortunately, this is pretty much where the story ends. The server was wrapping up at this point, and two weeks after the last installment both members of the B-team left for good. Two of the three members of the goon squad remained active until the very end, but the third was too preoccupied with FTB to focus on any shenanigans. Joe Hills did return from his baby-related hiatus, but the courthouse went unused. And the tension regarding the dictatorial Tea Eater’s Alliance dissolved.

For now.

See you in season 2! /t

[bird-of-fyre]

Empires SMP x Wynncraft AU

Been playing a bunch of Wynncraft (an MMO in MC co-owned and I think also created by Grian) and the two BIG plot devices in it are Corruption (Wyyn Province) and Decay (Gavel Province). Both are similar and have ties to the same catalyst.

What’s going on in Empires right now? Corruption. So my brain went brrr and we have this. Feel free to write for, make fanart, etc. with this AU just tag me so that I can see it!

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There are 2 realms in Wynncraft that are constantly at odds with each other. The Realm of Darkness (Dern) and the Realm of Light. When the two forces meet, corruption is formed and the battlefield of their war took place within the Nether. In Wynn, Human miners unearthed a Nether portal and entered, the magic within corrupting and changing them; they returned leading armies of undead that still terrorize the province today. In Gavel, a parasitic entity emerged from a Dern portal and began to infect the magic-enriched land with the Decay.

Corruption spreads like a weed through roots spanning under the entirety of Wynn; the only known force to stall it is Ice Magic. Decay spreads like an infection and slowly consumes the land, it is weak to Light Magic.

The land Empires SMP takes place on is going to be known as Empiria because I feel it deserves a name for this AU. A strange magic protects this land that is believed to be a result of the banishment of Corruption by the Gods before they fell into slumber. Empirians call it "Respawn Magic” as upon dying one is revived at perfect health (though scars may remain depending on the cause of death). Death to age is still a thing, however lifespans of most inhabitants are extended two decades with the exception of elves who live even longer.

Several Empires already existed  before the present day crew, these being the following: Rivendell, Mythland, The Overgrown, The Ocean Empire, The Lost Empire, and Smallhold. The rest only came to rise in the past decade

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Characters:

Fwhip: A human that hails from the Wynn province. Him and his sister Gem lived in Detlas together as their parents died in a battle against the endless armies of undead. Fwhip was fascinated by the corruption in their land and sought to study it, perhaps maybe even find out a cure. Gem stopped him from this obsession, reminding him that those that went down that path all ended up becoming harbingers of the corruption. They moved to the land of Empiria shortly around the present day where Fwhip found the Grimlands and the crystalized redstone that tainted it drew his attention. Gem wasn’t fond of the idea but it was a different kind of corruption than that back home so she let him study it. Somehow manages to come off as unhinged yet still in complete control.

Gem: Hailing from Wynn, Gem and Fwhip left for new lands to escape the corruption and undead armies. She settled in a mountainous biome full of amethyst crystals so that she could keep an eye on her brother as his fascination with volatile crystalized redstone worries her. She knew basic fire magic pre-Emperia but now is a bit more adept in her powers and has also learned many more spells. She joined the Wither Rose Alliance with Fwhip and Sausage simply to keep the two chaotic gremlins in line.

Jimmy: A Cod-Hybrid from the Ocean Empire and the adopted brother of Lizzie. He left home to found his own empire in the nearby swamp with his sister’s well wishes. His kingdom is small, but he is a kind and generous ruler that doesn’t see himself above his subjects. While working on paths he found a human washed up on the shore in poor condition; this individual was Joel, a nobody from a far away land who really had just given up on any form of future. Jimmy tends to be the person that generally gets picked on by other rulers for having the smallest empire and because he’s very gullible. Close friends with Pix, who he eagerly loves hearing stories of Corkus from.

Joel: Originally from the port town of Nemract in Wynn, Joel tried to start a religion called Jeremyism in memorium of a donkey he lost to the corruption that never took off due to the Bovemists and their own religion. He cheated some pirates in gambling so they took him hostage and forced him to be part of their crew, not that he was complaining, it was way better than the life he had before. Unfortunately, this didn’t last very long as a battle against some rival pirates during a horrible storm ended with him getting tossed overboard. He awoke on the shore of a swamp where he encountered a cod-hybrid who, with their sister, helped him get back on his feet. After experiencing the Cod and Ocean Empires he decided to start his own in the mesa across the ocean so that he can remain close allies with the duo that saved his life. Him and Lizzie marry a few years later.

Joey: A parrot-hybrid that rules over the Lost Empire as its emperor. He is extremely flirtatious and has questionable morals, but despite this he does care for his people. Fascinated by supernatural forces such as immortality and corruption and also always is looking to grow more powerful in any way he can. He has wind magic but doesn’t tend to use it very much.

Kathrine: A fae whose ancestors were originally from the Realm of Light in a time before the Decay took root in Gavel and Dernic forces made their way into the said realm. When she learns of the origins of several new rulers she is surprised as she had only ever been told of Gavel and Dern. Her and Scott are close, given both their ancestral homes were in Gavel.

Lizzie: An axolotl hybrid who rules over the Ocean Empire. She is a generous and humble ruler who takes pride in he empire and her people. She found a young cod-hybrid caught in a fishermans net when she was still a princess and saved him, declaring him her new brother (which he was happy about). When she was asked to help with a human that had washed onto the shores of Jimmy’s empire she had not been expecting to fall in love with the stranger and is now married to Joel. Wields powerful water magic and takes nonsense from nobody (including her husband).

Pearl: The carefree ruler of Smallhold, an Empire that originally started out as a poor farming village that was struggling on hard times. Pearl is a nymph who took pity on the town and used her magic to help the village through hard times, eventually having them elect her as their queen. Despite her title, she prefers to see herself on equal terms as her people.

Pix: A human from the province of Corkus with great enthusiasm, ambition, and taste for the occasional mischief. He left the island province for new beginnings after accidentally breaking several Corkian laws that would have ended him in prison. His dedication to The Vigil is something he learned from interaction and time spent with the Avos; a race of bird humanoids that were the only inhabitants of Corkus before humans settled there. Pix is fantastic when it comes to metallurgy and uses this knowledge to his advantage when it comes to the copper and other metals he uses in his Empire.

Sausage: Born in the province of Fruma to a poor family Sausage always desired more and often had dreams about becoming a royal and learning magic as only they were allowed the luxury of such. He acted as the robin hood of Fruma for a time before he was eventually caught by the Fruman army and shipped off to Wynn as a soldier to aid the said province in their eternal war against the undead. Unlike most Fruman humans entering Wynn, Sausage did not loose his memories and took the first chance he got to stow away on a ship to new lands. Unfortunately, the ship in question was destroyed in a storm and he washed up onto the shores of Mythland (a smaller town without leadership at the time) and was made its king a year or so thereafter. Given he has no magical abilities of his own due to his origins, he turned to Blood Magic as it’s the closest he’ll ever get.

Scott: The elves of Rivendell originally hailed from Aldorei in Gavel, leaving to escape the Decay. Scott was young when they left for the new lands and, unfortunately, several of the fleeting group were lost to creatures of Dern and Decay; including his older brother, Xornoth. There had been no time to retrieve the bodies of the fallen so those that were left behind were assumed dead or infected. While cold and normally detached from the affairs of others, he does care about his fellow empires. He has light magic but struggles to wield it properly.

Shelby: Gone from her village Shelby returned to find it overun by the Decay and the monsters that come with it. Unable to do anything for her people, she left for new lands. Gavel’s best and brightest couldn’t find a cure for the Decay in their homeland so she hopes that maybe, in this new one, that she might find something to save her people.

Xornoth: Once an elf, now a twisted demonic entity with a lust for destruction. Wounded and separated from his family in an attack while attempting to leave Gavel, he was captured by an acolyte of Dern named Bak’al who brought him back to the realm of darkness. It is here that Xornoth was slowly and painfully corrupted in both mind and body, becoming yet another agent of the beast that governs the dark realm.