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anons-has-hlvrai-aus · 11 months ago

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The Metamorphosis of Gordon Freeman [Chapter 4]

“We’re Playing Assassins”

Chapter 1 | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter Summary: Forzen invites himself into Gordon’s home.

Word Count: 6,114

Ao3 Version

Notes: Thank you everybody for your patience! I hope you like bootboys, because I’ve got 18 of them, you’ll meet some of them in this chapter and the rest in a future chapter. Huge shout out to nbenrey-real on Tumblr for their Speculative Sweet Voice Translation.

“Forzen?”

“That’s my name.”

“It sure is.” Gordon sighed, “Who followed you? What the heck is going on? Why are you trying to come in through my window?”

Forzen slowly looked up at Gordon from his awkward huddle against the side of the house. “We’re playing Assassins. It's like Hide and Seek, except instead of somebody being ‘it’ that person is an assassin, and they have a NERF gun.”

“Th-that sounds bad, that sounds VERY bad. Do either of your cousins know you're out here? I need to call them before you guys take it too far.”

He gave Gordon a dirty look, a glint of what seemed to be fear in his one usable eye. “You think I'd be knocking on your window if they didn't know?”

The sound of foam darts hitting somebody from a couple houses over, followed by a muffled laugh, supplemented the answer.

“Lemme in lemme in lemme in-!”

“Okay okay okay!” He held out his non-dominant hand to pull Forzen inside. “Is it just you and the rest of Neo Team Nice playing?”

“I saw an old guy with glasses chasing after Eddy and Tower earlier, so probably not.”

“That doesn't help me any. There's a lot of people with glasses out here, especially from Black Mesa. You know from experience that people there have itchy trigger fingers.”

“You don't. You're built differently. They're all shoot first, you're all questions and stuff.” He looked around the dimly lit room with mild interest. “Woah, wicked lightshow. Did you have a perk saved up or something?”

Gorden waved him and some strings of Sweet Voice out of his room, “It's a long story, do you need me to put Irate Gamer up on the TV or something?”

“Nah, I can connect with my tablet.” The man threw his backpack onto the front of his chest to rummage around, looking incredibly silly in the process.

“Okay, you go do that.” He plucked a ziplock bag from near the bed. “Do you need anything to eat? I've got a surplus of toast from breakfast this morning, and I know you like yours extra crispy.” He shook it for emphasis.

“You got anything that’s charcoal?” He walked backwards out of the bedroom, skillfully catching a burnt bagel that was tossed his way. “Thanks.”

Once Gordon could hear the distant sounds of YouTube from the other room, he closed the bedroom door and slid himself onto his carpeted floor. Forzen was much more tolerable now that he had permanently bailed from the military, but he still had a few quirks that came from his then-situation as an extremely online 19-year-old. He was better off now, living with his two cousins and the 15 other people that were all raising Legal Hell on the HECU, but for some reason he seemed to gravitate towards Gordon every few months whenever he felt ‘homesick.’ It possibly had something to do with his parents disowning him, but Forzen frequently refused to give any other specifics.

Gordon did not appreciate these visitations at all for the first year or so, given he was still going to therapy at the time, but the man's semi-infrequent appearances had done more good for the both of them overall; Gordon was able to help Forzen engage with other people without immediately resorting to internet memes or YouTube, and in turn Forzen somewhat desensitized Gordon to the sight of camo, berets, and whatever else his brain associated with the HECU that the former soldier just had on him for some reason. Forzen was not on ‘official part of the Science Team’ status yet, what with him still being on thin ice with Tommy, but the fact that, as of last year, he and a few of his buddies from The Frat (AKA “Neo Team Nice”) were being considered for invitation to some of the Science Team's regular celebrations was a sign of progress.

There was certainly some irony in the fact that Gordon was more quick to invite a former bootboy into his life than he was of Benrey; they were pretty much the same person in some ways, but the differences were pretty transparent in Gordon’s eyes.

Forzen had literally been a kid trying to pay for college when he and the Science Team crossed paths. The guy wasn't even supposed to be deployed! Benrey, meanwhile, had intentionally made himself a problem for Gordon at every possible opportunity, and the three or so days they’d spent together had been more than enough Benrey for his lifetime. Forzen showed up in small doses, and usually left before he got too annoying to be around (even if he was getting better, he still had his moments of obnoxiousness).

Between the two, Forzen was also better because Gordon had managed to turn him into an almost-tolerable person; hell, he’d say the guy was a few steps away from being normal! He’d honestly much rather have Forzen teaching him how to do this alien shit.

Alas, another difference between the two annoyances in his life was that the one he tolerated more wasn’t an alien.

Although, it did give Gordon an idea…

He felt his way into the living room, Forzen somehow not needing any light to navigate the house and thus not bothering to turn any of the lights on prior to Gordon emerging from his room.

“Forzen.”

“That’s my name!” The man looked over from the center of the couch, the large smile on his face only just visible thanks to the glow of the television; his eye sparkled similarly to how Benrey’s did not that long ago.

“I’ve been consistently getting it right right for months now, you don’t need to get excited every time.”

“But it makes me happy, because sometimes I forget it too.” He relaxed to a more neutral expression.

“You forget your own name??”

“Only sometimes.”

Was this guy even sure that ‘Forzen’ was his real name? Gordon shook his head in bewilderment. That was a can of worms for somebody else to worry about. “Anyways, you and Benrey used to be friends, right?”

“We used to be best friends.”

“Cool. Did he ever tell you anything about Black Mesa?”

Forzen shrugged, “Sometimes. Neither of us liked to talk about it, so we just…didn’t.”

“You-? Hold on!” Gordon flopped into the loveseat, emoting with his hands as he usually did, albeit with more bumps into Sweet Voice. “What do you mean by ‘neither’? That means you-when did YOU visit Black Mesa prior to the Resonance Cascade?”

Forzen growled, “I don’t remember, time is an illusion. I just know it was after they let Benrey out for the first time. Military got access to experimental stuff and they’d test it out on people. They put some of the experimental stuff in my body, started teleporting everywhere, then fell into a restricted area when it stopped. Benrey harassed me until I left. We became friends after that.”

“Oh, so like, the experiments they did-wait, is that why you teleport sometimes?”

“Mm-sure.” He gnawed on his burnt bagel until it audibly crunched, a chunk of the literal charcoal freed from his efforts. He proceeded to ‘munch’ on the piece of bagel while he talked. “The Bill Nyes from your old work call it, uh, ‘harmony fuckers’ or something.”

“Can you not talk and chew at the same time please?”

Forzen obliged with a hum and another of his signature shrugs.

“Thank you.” Gordon sighed and paced around the room. That wasn’t the sort of information he came out to ask about, in fact it gave him more questions about what was going on with Benrey before the Resonance Cascade happened. What did he mean by ‘let Benrey out’? Did they keep the guy in a fucking cage? Were they trying to domesticate him? Acclimate him to being around humans? Why?

‘Focus, Freeman.’

Right, right. Thank you, inner scientist.

“Thank you.”

Forzen made a confused ‘huh’ at him.

Gordon shook his head, “Ignore that, I’m getting distracted. So-!” He shifted himself into a normal sitting position. “Everything you just said sounds VERY interesting, but I actually did have an important question to ask.”

“Mm?”

“Did Benrey, in all the time you’ve known each other, ever talk to you about the Black Mesa Sweet Voice?” He asked.

Forzen looked at him silently, eventually answering with an indifferent “no.”

Gordon swore under his breath, burying his face so deeply into his palms that it left his glasses askew. He’d hoped that maybe Forzen knew a thing or two about the Sweet Voice; having been friends with Benrey for so long, surely a normal guy (or at least normal compared to anybody else that knew Benrey) like Forzen would have been just a little curious about how the Sweet Voice worked.

Forzen had been a bootboy just one lifetime ago, though, and in Gordon’s personal experience they tended to not question or second-guess anything.

“Why do you wanna know about Sweet Voice so badly?”

Correction: Bootboys tended to not question or second-guess anything…unless it was to Gordon’s inconvenience. Forzen wasn’t a bootboy anymore, but the statement still partially stands true.

“Again, long story. How long were you planning to-?”

The doorbell rang, Forzen immediately cut off the TV and ducked out of view from whoever could see him from the main entryway. Gordon sidled over to the door, then stalled. He couldn’t be seen with piss-yellow Sweet Voice pouring from his mouth, he was anxious enough as it was. He rummaged around a nearby drawer and slapped on the first paper mask he was able to find before wearily cracking open the door.

“Hello?” Gordon answered, and then let out a very loud scream. He almost immediately calmed down once he recognized the visitor. “Mitchell! Don’t fucking scare me like that, dude.”

“Hello, Freeman.”

Mitchell was the less-weird of Forzen’s two cousins; both of them were weird, but if Gordon had to label only one of them as ‘the weird one’, it certainly wouldn’t have been Mitchell. He was a handsome-looking guy, despite the odd scars that he had apparently gotten while in Black Mesa, and seemed to be the closest thing to a leader when it came to the shenanigans of Neo Team Nice. Unfortunately, he had a strange aura about him that always scared the hell out of Gordon whenever they crossed paths, and he always, always talked like he had been trapped in a bad Metal Gear game for several years. Mitchell was a mixed bag to say the least, but he was never rude to Gordon, and that’s what really mattered.

“Howdy. How’s it, uh, how’s it going?”

“Fine. I have a question for you.”

“Yeaaaaah?”

Mitchell blinked a few times before answering. It made Gordon wonder if his manner of speaking was intentional. “Can I squat in your house for a couple hours?”

“Whuh-? I-? Pardon??”

The confusion must have been visible on Gordon’s face, because Mitchell immediately took this as his cue to explain everything in the most nothing way possible.

Mitchell smirked cockily. “Adrian and I made a deal that if he couldn’t find all of us before sundown, he would have to wear The Chicken Hat.”

“Can I ask why you have a chicken hat?”

“Collective punishment for us leaving the military. Everybody was supposed to get one, but they only sent a single hat, not that it affects us since the military can't force us to wear them.”

“I see…” Gordon slowly nodded. “That uh, yeah, that makes sense.”

It did not, in fact, make sense.

“I will ask only once more, Freeman. Can I-” Mitchell let out a horribly exaggerated yelp before ragdolling at the foot of the door. A little foam dart rolled onto the grass next to him.

A man dressed in cargo shorts and a white tank top came into view. He was immediately recognizable as Adrian, not because of how absolutely strapped with NERF guns he was, or the the gas mask he was wearing, but because of the tween-sized frog-thing trailing behind him like a puppy.

The two shared a moment of eye-contact before the ‘assassin’ gave a silent thumbs up. He ran out of sight just as quickly as he arrived, and Gordon decided to also make himself scarce upon Mitchell’s body despawning.

He peeled the paper mask off his face, drawing his eyes from the door back to the nearby couch. “It’s safe to come out now, man. Neither of your cousins know you snuck in here.”

“Nice.” He put the TV back on.

Gordon melted into the recliner for a bit to watch with the young man. He couldn’t help but squint while doing so.

“Don’t you think you should watch something other than Irate Gamer?” He asked, “I’m pretty sure you’ve seen this episode at least five different times at my house.”

Forzen let out a huff. “No. I like it, it makes me happy.”

“But that’s not normal. We’ve talked about this, you gotta branch out so you don’t just default to that when talking to new people.”

“If you wanna watch something else, you can just ask.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Gordon sighed, “You’re doing a really good job at fitting in right now, despite your shortcomings. You were almost as bad as Benrey in some of the ways you talked to people, but you’re doing great now! The real world, outside of Neo Team Nice and outside of the Science Team, is like a uh, a giant puzzle, right? Everybody has a place. I have a place, Adrian and Mitchell have a place, and you have a place!”

Forzen let out a grunt to imply he was sorta listening.

Gordon started to go into one of his little talks, ‘The Puzzle Metaphor’ he liked to call this one. Everybody has to fit into the puzzle, no matter what. You might have a few people without needing to fit in, but you need to be able to fit in to get along with everybody!

“Liking Irate Gamer is an innocent hobby, but it’s not gonna be the most acceptable one when you’re trying to meet new people. Not everybody likes it, and they’re not gonna want you around if that’s all you wanna talk about! But, uh, you know that already.”

“…You done now?”

Forzen clearly had enough babying from Gordon today. He got annoyed with Gordon, too, sometimes, even if he clearly meant well.

“Yeah, yeah I’m done now. Ju-just trying to hold out for ya, man. Like I said, a real big improvement from how you were.” He pointed to the kitchen, “I’ll be in there if you need me…”

Gordon waited until it was dark out before politely kicking Forzen out of his house, perfectly exposing the poor man to a barrage of darts. While waiting, he had made sandwiches out of the remaining ‘toast’ from breakfast that morning, plus whatever meats and cheeses were closest to running out; Gordon passed them around to the conglomeration of buff guys loitering in his yard, plus Lydia and Seargent Nutter when they were finally tagged out.

“Excellent job, everyone!” Mitchell proudly beamed. “We have successfully conquered my brother in a test of unbridled stealth! We will prepare The Chicken Hat first thing tomorrow morning!”

Gordon cupped his hands to be heard among the discordant cheering. “Cool, great, get out of my yard now!”

“There’s no need to be a sourpuss, Gordon. You’re too young to be getting so uppity about people on your property. Maybe wait another 20 years or so.” Sgt. Nutter gave him a wrinkly grin that really emphasized her age. “How’s Harold doing? Still back in the ring?”

“He’s been back in the ring for a while now, I don’t see why he’d wanna stop.” He gave her an annoyed tone, one she apparently didn’t like.

“It’s only a question, Gordon. I just like checking up on him.”

“Well you both have phones, I don’t see why you can’t call or text instead.”

“And communicate with him directly? Goodness, Gordon, are you trying to stop my poor, purple heart?” She got up close to Gordon, an evil glint in her big, buggy eyes. “By the way, this is your reminder that the only reason your ‘Science Team’ is alive right now is because I went AWOL. If I was manning the radio array when the orders went out…”

Nutter made a slow and quiet ‘pew’ sound.

“…So don’t forget that. You can get uppity with me all you want, but don’t you dare keep that up with them.” She pointed to Forzen and his cousins. Right, fuck, all three of them were younger than Gordon by at least five years. “I’ve held a grudge with Harold for a decade now, don’t think I won’t hold one threefold against you.”

“U-understood, ma’am. Uh, sir? Uh…Sergeant! Right away! Mrs. Sgt. Coomer-Nutter! Ma’am.”

The woman giggled heartily, as if she wasn’t threatening a (probably) violent grudge against him just now. “Oh, Gordon. You silly thing. Just Sgt. Nutter is fine, or just Nutter. I only use ‘Coomer’ in legal documents and on the field.”

“I’m pretty sure one of those two things is illegal.”

“Hasn’t stopped me yet!” She grabbed another sandwich from the tray Gordon was carrying around, a corned beef in lightly-toasted pumpernickel. “Goodbye, Gordon!”

A horrible, limousine-sized monstrosity known as the Jumble Jeep pulled in, a good enough sign if any that Neo Team Nice was leaving now. The team all gave their goodbyes for the night.

A few notable ones stuck out to Gordon.

“See you, Gourd-Man.” From Forzen.

Eddy, who Gordon immediately picked out from his glasses, ran by, wishing for him to “Keep up the good health.” Gordon rightfully interpreted this as a threat since he was the one licensed medic of the group. You should never piss off the healer.

“Catch ya later, Freeman!” Was barely audible from…either Adrian or Mitchell? They both sounded alike, he couldn’t tell unless he focused on the inflection. It sounded too optimistic to be Mitchell, so it was probably the oddly tender-hearted Adrian.

“Goodbye, Human Gordon!” Was loudly uttered by a guy named Anthony. “Human Anthony, who is a human, is saying goodbye to you now!”

Anthony was most certainly not a human. Gordon didn’t know what he was, because the rest of the Team was intent on keeping it a secret, but he wasn’t hurting anybody.

“You don’t have to say that every time you leave, Anthony.” Gordon waved at him, paused, then motioned him over. “Actually, hey! Anthony! Before you leave, I have a question for you!”

“Human Gordon has a question for Human Anthony?” He ran over and stopped a perfect five feet away from him. His orange-yellow eyes focused directly on Gordon’s face, and his arms waved a bit in front of him before he snapped them behind his back, military style. “What is your question?”

“So from one not-alien that has been to Black Mesa to another, have you ever heard of something called the Black Mesa Sweet Voice?”

Please say yes, please say yes! He needed somebody, anybody that could help him turn the fucking bubbles off. He didn’t want to bother Coomer after saying he wasn’t calling anybody tonight, and he couldn’t wait until Benrey got back in the morning, assuming that’s when he was planning to come back. He needed to speak and breathe without those terrible little orbs popping up in his peripherals. He dearly missed the chromesthesia; it was a little intrusive when he became too focused on one emotion, but it didn’t make his every thought into a public service announcement.

“Yes! I HAVE heard of this Sweetened Vocalization!”

“That’s great!” Gordon didn’t even hide the elation in his voice. ‘Pistachio, let’s go!’

“So you’ve used it before?”

“No!”

“Shit.” Gordon hissed. ‘Mahogany, fuck me.’

“But!” Anthony smiled. “Human Johnson has!”

“No I haven’t!” Johnson distantly rebuttaled. “You’re thinking of Jackson!”

“Oh yes! I apologize for the confusion! Both of you look alike!” Anthony clapped his hands over Gordon’s shoulders. It felt like he had been slapped with a live lobster. “Human Jackson is the ‘Jack of all trades’. He has many experiences with many things, he will help you! I will bring him to you!”

“Thank-”

“JACKSON!!!!!”

“Aaugh!” Gordon let out a weak scream. “Jeez, you’re so loud!”

“Thank you! It is because of my human lungs! Look, here comes Jackson!”

“Thank you, I can see that! I’ll meet him halfway.”

Gordon pried himself out of Anthony’s hold and slinked from one broad-shouldered man to another. Jackson and Johnson were easy to spot because they both had a cigar of some sort in their mouth, but Jackson’s was seemingly always lit, if how much smoke it actually produced was anything to go by. They did look a little too much alike, in Anthony’s defense.

“Hi, howdy, good evening.”

“Freeman!” Jackson laughed, “What’cha doing asking about that Sweet Voice?” Smoke puffed out with every hard consonant, fading almost immediately when it did.

“That’s a long story.” Gordon repeated his current go-to explanation. “You know how to use it though, right? The Sweet Voice?”

Jackson tugged the cigar from his mouth and cleanly sung four notes, two low notes followed by a high and medium note, in a voice that very distinctly sounded like Hatsune Miku. Instead of bubbles, the Voice took the form of pastel-colored smoke.

“That is wonderful, incredible even.”

“Glad you think so.” He put the cigar back in his mouth. “I know you ain’t asking around just to look at pretty colors, though.”

Sighing, Gordon removed a mask he had thrown on before kicking Forzen out. “So I, uh, kinda got stuck with it. I was hoping you might know how to turn it off?”

“Turn it off?” Jackson repeated. He took the cigar out again. “Fuck if I know. I’ve been stuck with it for years, now!”

“What?”

He held the cigar out to Gordon. “This thing ain’t even real. I just carry it so nobody finds out I blow balls from my mouth.”

“In PUBLIC?” A guy immediately responded, like a knee-jerk reaction.

“Yes Mike, in public, shaddup.” He sneered. The smoke wavered into an almost-bubbly shape when it went from white to more vibrant colors. ‘Orange to cyan. You’re pissing me off, man!’

“So you can’t turn it off?” Gordon asked.

“I don’t know, they just gave me the surgery and asked if it worked. Adam got the same surgery and he only made bubbles one time before it stopped working for him. I’ve learned that keeping my mind empty and suppressing my emotions keeps it a white and smoky-looking, so I just ‘picked up’ smoking to mask the problem.”

“That’s probably not healthy.”

“It’s not, but I don’t know how else to fix the problem. I’d marry the first guy that could perform that miracle, though.”

A deep, familiar voice butted in from behind. “Sound like a you problem, man.”

Gordon quickly turned around, meeting Benrey’s face by mere inches. Jackson screamed in Hatsune Miku.

“What’s up? Sharing notes with the class? S’all cool. It’s your first day, gotta catch up to the curriculum.”

“Where the hell have you been?” Gordon asked. He chose to ignore the baker’s dozen of scared and confused mumblings from the former-bootboys nearby.

“Doesn’t matter. So you wanna do Sweet Voice?”

With a tired exhale, Gordon let out a long and defeated “Yessss.”

“Okay, okay children. Class is-class is in session. I’m gonna teach you how to sing so good man.”

“I don’t wanna know how to sing! I wanna turn it off!”

“Oh that’s easy.” Benrey smiled.

He quickly shoo’d off Neo Team Nice, minus Jackson and Adam, promising to bring them back safely before promptly no-clipping them into Gordon’s house.

To Gordon’s (not) surprise, the group took Benrey’s words at face value and left. Gordon hoped he wasn’t expected to drive the men home, but he didn’t trust the other man with transporting them so…he might as well.

“You coming?” Benrey shouted.

Gordon turned to see a head and upper torso clipping through a wall. He didn’t feel like commenting, just nodding and heading back inside was enough to ease whatever worries Benrey had for him.

Gordon, Benrey, Jackson and Adam sat in a circle near the center of the living room floor. Chairs were apparently out of the question for the lesson, and nobody was willing to challenge ‘Professor’ Benrey about it.

“Your Sweet Voice is mapped to the first noise you made when you got it. Talking or yelling or whatever will map it to your normal voice, you gotta go into your settings and key-bind it to something else.” Benrey explained.

Jackson sheepishly raised his hand. “Can you explain that in non-gamer terms?”

“No.”

Gordon gave Benrey a Look.

“I’m joking, man. Lighten up.” He made a weird rattling noise before continuing. “Go into the filing cabinet in your brain. Go to your brain cabinet.”

Jackson and Adam both nodded.

“You too, Feetman.”

Gordon let out an aggravated “fine.” Admittedly, he had an easier time imagining the video game menu, so he stuck with that.

To put it simply, the Sweet Voice (SV) worked by pairing up vibrations in the voice box; if you matched the SV with humming, for example, it would only appear when you hummed. You could also completely change the sound output of the SV, which was apparently how Jackson managed to get his Miku voice.

Having access to the SV automatically gave one the ability to do what Benrey called a ‘throat whistle’ (which he humorously shortened to thistle). It was like laryngeal stridor, a condition that caused somebody to ‘whistle’ while breathing, except this was entirely on command and not connected to any health issue that Gordon could think of. Jackson had seemingly figured out how to thistle on his own and matched it while thinking about a certain digital idol, and from there you could probably guess what happened.

Gordon wasn’t sure how Benrey and Jackson had managed to help him actually perform a thistle, it all sounded like nonsense when Benrey explained and Jackson just kept telling him to ‘not overthink it’, but he did eventually get the hang of thistling. It was oddly fun on its own.

Adam had apparently thistled by accident when he got the SV and didn’t know how to replicate the sound, which was why it hadn’t worked for him for so long. He seemed quite elated with having a new set of noises to bother his boyfriend with.

It was a very effective lesson overall.

Unfortunately, this was also how he learned that you could have a maximum of two voices paired on you at any time, which was both a blessing and a curse as demonstrated when Benrey opened his mouth and released a horrifying harmony of his usual ‘singing’ voice and a high-pitched beep.

Gordon was grateful when he stopped.

“Pretty cool, right?”

“NEVER do that again!” He demanded, spewing a LOT of dark blue at Benrey. Neither of them needed a reminder for that translation.

“Ouch, man.” Benrey frowned.

He frowned. “And I mean it, too.”

Jackson,now that he was more acquainted with the non-human, seemed more humored by the display than anything. “I can finally go to the non-smoking sections of buildings without looking like a jackass! This is the best day of my life!” He looked at Benrey. “Fucking marry me, dude!”

“Not interested.”

“Perfectly understandable!” He returned to slouching, and looked over at Adam, who had figured out how to alternate between a car horn rendition of ‘la cucaracha’ and a slide whistle. Jackson started responding with his Hatsune Miku voice and what sounded like the rough imitation of an electric guitar.

Benrey gave Gordon an intense look. “Now you.”

Jackson and Adam stopped what they were doing to watch.

Gordon’s heart started to thump in his head at the attention, he could barely hear himself think. His hands balled up in front of him and pulled strands of carpet into their grip.

‘Pink lemonade. I’m nervous, not afraid!’

It felt like being stuck at an interview. He hated interviews. He was always being judged.

A pair of hands placed themselves over one of his own, the left hand.

“Hey man,” Benrey spoke in a slightly hushed tone. “Don’t take the class thing too serious? S’just a silly joke. Just a goof. Like the passports. I’m not testing you or anything.”

He looked into the other’s eyes, shiny cyan scleras with irises so deep and dark that they blended into the pupil. He must have learned that from Dr. Coomer, because he did the same thing when Gordon needed help calming down. He wasn’t sure when they would have told him, but that probably didn’t matter right now.

His heartbeat settled some.

‘Breathe, Freeman.’

The reminders from his inner scientist came to him clearly now.

‘Square breaths. Inhale four, hold four, exhale four, hold four, repeat.’

In four.

Hold four.

Out four.

Hold hour.

In. Hold. Out. Hold.

Again.

And again.

And once more.

‘Focus.’

Focus.

Settings Menu, Sweet Voice, he could see it now.

Input 1: Default

Re-binding Input 1…

Input 1: Thistle

Inhale, exhale.

No Sweet Voice, not even a single bubble!

Benrey looked at him expectantly.

Was he waiting for Gordon to serenade him with the song of his people? Jackson and Adam were waiting as well.

He was tempted. He shouldn’t have been.

‘What are YOU waiting for?’ Asked an irrational thought. ‘This is something you’ve always wanted to do, isn’t it?’

Maybe for a moment, but that was when the Player was in control. It had been a fleeting desire that scuttled off after that game of Spin the Bottle, nothing more.

…

And yet?

Output 1: Default

Re-binding Output 1…

Gordon took in a slow breathe. He felt the slight constriction in his throat as he sung out the unearthly tone of a synthesizer he’d once heard humming away in a plant nursery. It was in that eerie pitch that lingered only for alien abductions in movies or shows.

That’s what Gordon felt now.

That’s what Gordon was now.

He let the pitch fluctuate, and held it in spots where it sounded nice until he ran out of air. He squeezed his eyes shut, forcing breathe back into his lungs to hold back tears.

It was beautiful, and terrifying, and dreadful, and wonderful, and every other appropriate descriptor that his shitty, shitty memory failed to conjure.

One of Benrey’s hands moved off of Gordon’s, he felt something wipe a dampness out of his eyes, slightly dislodging his glasses. Gordon had a pretty good idea of who the culprit was; his eyes confirmed his suspicions once he willed them open.

Benrey pulled his hand away from Gordon’s face, clasping it over his mouth. If there was Sweet Voice, it was well hidden. Usually he would try to calm down Gordon with some blue but…maybe he was trying to avoid that.

“Uh,” The man mumbled behind his covered mouth, “final lesson for tonight. Binding the Sweet Voice doesn’t mean it’ll only show up when you want it. Big emotions will make it all just kinda-pfffffft. Ya know?”

“Why are you telling me-?” Gordon didn’t finish, he immediately noticed how his shaky breath let out tiny yellow bubbles. ‘Lemonade means I’m afraid.’

“Hey-” Jackson frowned, “I don’t really know what’s going on but…you seem scared right now, and it’s okay if you are. You just…can’t let it consume you, okay? Your beautiful friend seems to know what he’s doing, I think you can rely on him for whatever is going on.”

Gordon nodded without comment.

“You go sleep now.” Benrey got up.

“I can’t do that, I have to-”

“Sleep now, please?” His face was blank.

Gordon struggled to convey his concerns. He knew that arguing with Benrey wouldn’t make him any less stubborn, but Gordon had to take Jackson and Adam home. He had a car, he knew the area, he knew where they lived.

Benrey didn’t know that stuff, if he did he would maybe feel better about letting him take them home?

Gordon thistled out a shaky tone. Where words failed him, a blossom of technicolored orbs seemed to convey everything he felt.

It all must’ve been more complex than how he currently understood it; he wasn’t sure how ‘yellow like curry means I’m worried’ and ‘robin eggs with wine, I NEED to know it’s fine’ were able to combine with a few other colors Gordon didn’t notice in order to explain his concerns…but for Benrey it was more than enough.

Benrey looked at the other two men in the room. “Go wait outside, please.”

They both nodded and bid Gordon ‘goodnight.’

With the living room empty, he crouched back down to Gordon’s level and let out a sigh. “Words are hard.”

Gordon laughed. “Yeah. Th-they are.”

“But you understand words better right now, I think.”

“…Yeah. I do. My brain is translating the rhymes alright, though.”

“It’ll make sense, eventually.” Benrey said, “You won’t even need the rhymes…You’re doing good, even if Sweet Voice doesn’t make sense yet.”

Gordon waited for more, but received nothing else. Benrey looked like he was waiting, too, but for what…Gordon didn’t know.

Benrey let out another sigh and sang a string of blue between them both.

Gordon tentatively reached out to an orb, it popped at his touch and filled Gordon with a familiar calming sensation. It was much more appreciated than he had realized, and so he felt compelled to pop two more bubbles to let the calm completely overtake him.

“Thanks.” He mumbled.

A tiny smile showed up on Benrey’s face as he sat back up and reached over to help Gordon do the same.

The room had become completely dark without Gordon even realizing it. He had never turned the lights back on, having just used the perpetual stream of Sweet Voice to light his way. Now the only light left was the slowly-fading bubbles of calming blue, and even those were soon gone.

Gordon’s eyesight slowly adjusted, as was typical of the human eye.

Benrey coughed a bit, getting his attention. Gordon’s eyes had adjusted enough to barely notice the man’s hunched over posture, which almost immediately straightened upon Gordon looking his way.

“I can handle things.” Benrey told him. “You’ve had a long day, you need rest. I know how to find uh, Forzen. The bootboys all live together, that’s what Bubby said. I can-” He smacked his lips a couple times, sighed again, then let silence overcome the room for a minute. “…yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Gordon let out a tired laugh. The irrational thoughts whispered to him sweet assurances that it would be fine.

Gordon allowed them to win.

“Okay, I’ll trust you.” He took out his phone and unlocked it. “Give me your number, if anything goes wrong-”

“Nothing will go wrong.” Benrey insisted.

He looked at the man with doubt. “If anything goes wrong, doesn’t have to be tonight, it could be tomorrow, or next week, or whatever…if anything goes wrong, if anything IS wrong, call me. Not text, call. If I can’t do anything to help, I can at least contact the rest of the Science Team for you.”

Benrey looked at the ground before telling Gordon his number. He flew off before Gordon’s confirmation text could send, but the irrational thoughts convinced him to let it go for now.

Gordon went about his usual routine, this time in darkness; he was actually proud of himself for being able to handle it for this long, as silly as it likely would have sounded to an outsider.

About five minutes after Benrey had left, his phone buzzed.

‘bootboys delibirded pls be sleep when i hime’

He couldn’t help but snort at the text. At least Jackson and Adam were home now.

It was only 10 o’clock at night, but Benrey was right: Gordon had a long day today, what with the doctor’s appointment and the alien puberty and the game of Assassins happening outside his house and his first ever lesson regarding the aforementioned alien puberty, he definitely deserved a long rest.

Gordon’s eyes drooped shut the moment his head hit the pillow, but his mind did not ease itself into sleep until he was able to hear a mumbling in his attic that unmistakably belonged to his new roommate. The barely-hushed hoots and hollers of a man deep into an online match was oddly soothing as Gordon slipped into unconsciousness.

#hlvrai #hlvrai au #hlvrai metamorphosis au #metamorphosis au #fanfic #the metamorphosis of gordon freeman #half life but the ai is self aware #half life vr but the ai is self aware

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