#God they are so fucking possessive in the most toxic ways imaginable and i love it

[love-fireflysong]

Library time is officially over, and I may have spent an extra hour or so there than I meant to. All cause I may have had a *little* too much fun writing all the pain and trauma that the three of them are simultaneously going through just to break down a door 😈

[hapan-in-exile]

Volume 4 - Post#2: Gray Area

Another installment in this ongoing serialized fanfic

GIF by mandos-sluts

Genre: Mandalorian x Fem! Reader

Total word count: 2.2K (second post in Volume 4)

Rating: Explicit - smut, language, +18 *NSFW*

A/N: Diving into "the heist" part of the story so I'm introducing more characters + plot complexity. Quick recap, ofc (Thuli) is undercover using an alias (Kasya) working the job Mando picked up back in Volume 1

Content warning - this post contains brief references to the ofc's past abusive relationships (no details but they are mentioned)

_______________________________

II. “Dunno, love. I says he tryin tae be sweet tae ye.”

Your new coworker, Belen, is a very sympathetic listener. This job involves a lot of long hours working elbow to elbow together, cleaning with a crew of mostly women. So each day, the conversation inevitably turns toward the tawdry state of everybody’s love life.

Good sex, bad partners, stubborn children, pushy in-laws, irregular menstrual cycles, trashy holo-dramas, cautionary tales of sexually transmitted diseases—it made the work go faster.

With eight grown children and now on her third husband, Belen is considered the voice of wisdom around here, dealing with all matters of the heart.

Blessedly, you’re usually spared from having to participate due to the tragic nature of your cover story, which involves escaping from an abusive ex-lover. ‘Kasya Hawat’ had the misfortune of falling for a Spice runner who was violent and possessive, and now she had to lay low working on the cleaning crew at Tagge Corporation's coaxium refinery on Lakaran until he forgot all about her.

A solid alias should be built on a sturdy foundation of lived truths. As such, your made-up phantom ex is a composite of all the most toxic characters you’ve ever dated. And oh, there had been a few. It’s the reason you can’t judge the Mandalorian for his attraction to cruel women. Your own track record is hardly flawless. 

Which just begs the question, the nagging voice in the back of your mind taunted, what the fuck is he doing with you?

While he hadn't said as much, you get the impression that you may be the first and only woman the Mandalorian has ever loved. In the weeks apart, this should have been a source of comfort to you. Instead, the realization made you uneasy. Could his tenderness really endure? Or would he grow to resent the ties that bind you to someone who shares their heart rather than burying it?

You weren’t exaggerating when you warned him you don’t always navigate 'couples shit' in a healthy way. That’s the legacy of these past relationships—the insecurity, the doubt, and paranoia that can eat away at your peace if you let it. There was the narcissistic fleet captain who was a mean drunk, a spectacularly manipulative intelligence officer who constantly lied to you, and one of Ingtar’s enforcers who may have been an actual sociopath. 

Gods, that was such a nightmare! The first thing you promised yourself after starting your new job as a mob doctor for the Black Sun syndicate was that you would not, under any circumstances, get romantically entangled with your new colleagues. ‘Do not shit where you eat’ being the wisest adage since time immemorial. 

But he was so good-looking and very keen to thank you for saving his life, and you have the worst habit of learning everything the hard way and terrible impulse control…It had ended with Ingtar breaking his leg under threat of death if he ever spoke to you again. 

Most women didn’t have a towering gang boss to save them from an abusive ex, so it’s not difficult to imagine the desperation of fleeing to this abandoned sector of the galaxy if Ingtar hadn’t been there to protect you from the obsessive, unwanted attention. So, in the end, it wasn’t that much of a stretch to build your alias.    

Mercifully, a mixture of earnest compassion and, in some cases, the worst kind of judgmental pity compelled your fellow cleaning ladies to give you space and not press you for conversation about it. 

And thank Erenada for that! It’s a good cover for being quiet and withdrawn. The less you open your mouth, the less likely you are to get caught in a lie. 

To be fair, despite your initial fears, it hadn’t been too disorienting to slip into the role of 'Kasya Hawat.' Nito was right, the repetition of constantly hearing her name directed at you over and over again was enough to make your brain accept it in the same way you might grow accustomed to a nickname. Someone said, Hey Kasya! and your body knew that means me.

“Then why the hell won’t he just fuck me in his own godsdamned bed, Belen? I can assure you, there’s nothing sweet about getting railed in a supply closet.” Humia let out a pathetic sigh. 

She really is too good at this.

Your partner in espionage has taken the exact opposite approach to infiltration. Humia wanted to be noticed. She made friends with everyone and was seemingly everywhere all at once. The public hall, the bathhouse, the bars and cantinas, and when she could convince someone to break company policy about unauthorized personnel—the Tagge Corp dormitories. 

Sleeping with TaggeCo employees is how Humia gathered most of her intelligence. 

She slept with so many of them it wasn’t suspicious when she took an interest in someone new. And the Tagge Corp facilities were exponentially more appealing than your scrap metal hut, so it made perfect sense why she’d want to fuck them on company property. 

And because she was dismissed as some opportunistic slut looking for favors, who they were all passing around—not the greatest security threat they faced—Humia knew virtually everything that happened around the Lakaran coaxium processing plant.     

“I wish I could be as efficient,” you’d told her a few days ago with sincere admiration. “But I’m terrible at pretending to like someone when I don’t.”

“Yeah, you are,” she huffed in agreement. 

Humia had recently brought home one of the TaggeCo security guards back to the hut you shared with a few more of Ubaa Dir’s spies, and you’d glared daggers at that asshole until he took off his shoes. The wood floors might not be polished, but he damn well better respect your house rules. 

“You don’t have to like someone to fuck them, Kasya.” 

Which is a fair point, except that you do. Not because of some righteous moral high ground! You spent years on the front lines where people took gratification where they could, who found sex a zesty, life-affirming enterprise that was only as complicated as you chose to make it. 

That was all true. Except that you needed something, a spark that ignited attraction. A mutual interest, a shared joke, or a moment of vulnerability. Something.

There’s nothing quite like horniness to give you a surge of self-confidence. 

Of course, your intuition isn’t infallible. Hence, the attraction to your toxic exes. It’s just that without a spark, your body could not perform intimacy. In place of confidence, there was fear and apprehension. You physically recoiled or froze in hesitation. Kissing that noxious Duke only worked because you’d been aroused by vengeance rather than passion.

Hmmm, maybe that’s exactly how Humia made it work?  

“I mean, touché,” you rolled your eyes at her. “But you’re not just fucking them, are you? You’re drawing out their secrets. And while I’m sure you are an absolutely fantastic lay, I’d argue that’s the greater talent.”

“It’s not always about what they tell you,” Humia explained. "Each time someone sneaks me inside the dormitories, I learn how they sneak out. Plus, I rifle through their papers, that sort of thing. The trouble with intrigue is that you don’t always know what’s significant until it is.”

“How do you keep track of it all?”

“That, my dear,” she smiled triumphantly. “Is my real talent.”

A flash of motion pulls you back to the present, and you set aside the calibration wand you’d been wiping down absentmindedly. 

“What about you, Kasya?” One of your other roommates, Serenio, signs. Her peachy-pink eyebrows arched teasingly. “Anyone caught your eye?”

You’ve always been better at recognizing languages than communicating, but you’re working hard to pick up more Twi’lek signs, and Serenio is a good teacher. 

That said, you don’t exactly know the correct signs for it’s complicated, or I’m already sleeping with one stubborn man, and while I’m not sure we’re monogamous, I don’t have the energy to juggle another.

Shit, now that’s all you can think about, the feel of his lips on your skin, the way his strong hands grip your waist, his thumb pressing into the crease of your hip, the slide of his tongue over your…

Gods, it had been so good!

Finding a spark with the Mandalorian had not been an issue. Hell, there’s not a single part of your body that did not physically respond to the mere memory of him. Fuck if you’re not so turned on right now just thinking about his tongue that you have to shift your weight to ease the ache between your thighs.

“Work is hard,” you answer, shaking your head. “Too tired.” 

“If’n ye needs so…” Belen cocks her head mischievously. “Johar wad bung yer knees t’ower.” 

Your esteemed elder laughs, cackling with delight at her own vulgarity. Pretty sure she just suggested Johar Kessen would be keen to throw your legs over his shoulders and bury his face between your thighs.  

You blanche. Johar Kessen is a mercenary working for House Tagge. While he is handsome, in a foxy older gentleman kind of way—hunting down assassins certainly helps him stay in shape—his interest in you is confusing to the point of being oddly suspicious. 

“Askit me bout’cha,” Belen winks a crinkled eye at you before hunching back over her mop. 

“Well,” you shrug. “I’m the new girl. I’m sure it’s nothing prurient.”

“Some men like a puzzle,” Humia smirks.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Despite joking with Mando about creating a salacious backstory for 'Kasya,' you’ve taken the most sensible course of action and made yourself very unremarkable. Though heartbreaking, your hair is now cut to your shoulders, dyed a sandy brown color, and always worn pulled back into an untidy knot. You look like a root vegetable in your work coveralls, with your breasts bound and wrapped into an amorphous lump. And as a rule, you avoid speaking to anyone who isn’t part of the cleaning crew. 

Not that any of this protected you from the harassment that just came standard working in contracted service labor. Your job entails cleaning the laboratory facilities, so you don’t have it as bad as the crews working in the dormitories or executive housing. Thus far, there's only been one bizarre incident in which a lab technician whipped out his dick in front of you to urinate in the eye wash station. 

But you're not exactly turning heads when you walk into a room the way Humia did. And no one is seeking out your company. Except for Johar Kessen, apparently. Honestly, you have no idea how you managed to come onto his radar. 

No. That’s a lie. You know damn well that you never would have crossed paths with Johar Kessen if you had stayed away from the card games in the public hall. You don’t go out drinking or dancing with your roommates. Everyone else seemed to enjoy the bath house, but you’d had your fill of communal bathing back in the military. The only time you didn’t spend on the job or in your hut was playing Sabacc. 

Okay, so maybe Mando’s got a point. You miiight have a gambling problem. 

When Kessen came to play cards, the man always sat at your table. Not because of you—probably—but because you cut in with the serious sharps. The kind of folks who played through the dark hours of the morning.  

In no way have you encouraged his flirtations, and most of the time, he doesn’t even speak to you directly. But he is a charming man with a good sense of humor who had a habit of looking at you from out of the corner of his eye whenever he told a joke to see if you were laughing. 

“Telt him tae be soft tae ye,” Belen raises a knobbly finger. “Soft heart,” she presses her arthritic hands over her chest. “Hard cock,” and she thrust out her hips in an absurd pantomime. 

Your eyebrows ascend so rapidly that they are in danger of disappearing into your scalp. Maybe this woman shouldn’t be doling out sex advice?

Doubling over with laughter, along with all the other cleaning staff, tears stream down your face until your supervisor stomps over to comment about your productivity. “Do I have to separate you ladies like schoolchildren?”

Gods, it felt good to laugh like this.

And that’s why morality is really fucking complicated. You could never work for Tagge Corp to feed yourself. Every meal you bought with this blood money would turn to ash in your mouth. But you were free to make that choice for yourself. You didn’t have three grandkids at home who would starve for the sake of your pride. 

Plus, Belen isn’t technically a TaggeCo employee despite cleaning their floors for nearly a decade after her husband, a miner at the coaxium deposit that fed this refinery, was paralyzed from the waist down after falling off a ladder.

What would happen to Belen and her family when there was no more refinery?

Although, that would be a moot point if the Tagge family decided to implode the facility from orbit with you all inside rather than surrender.

There was a time when you would have cheered on the New Republic busting this place for poisoning Lakaran and its people, sentencing everyone from Tagge Corp, confident they were all monsters who deserved their long prison terms. Now you know better.

Coaxium is what made interstellar travel possible. The New Republic had no intention of doing anything that disrupted the supply of coaxium-refined hypermatter.

Oh, sure, they would file complaints about rights violations and environmental degradation. They would bemoan the poverty that compelled locals like Belen to clean and feed and clothe the bastards who were slowly killing them. But that would be the extent of it.

Ubaa Dir and her revolutionaries were the only ones prepared to fight. They had fought the Empire when they processed the coaxium on Lakaran, and now they would take down the Tagge Corporation. 

And they had hired the Mandalorian to help them liberate the processing plant.   

You had to believe that what came after would be better. That they would save Belen and every other soul living on this godsforsaken compound. 

Because if you failed? If Tagge Corp opted to self-destruct—? 

Well, that’s why you spent all day talking about stupid shit, like whether Johhar Kessen could still get it or if Humia was at risk of developing a UTI from having sex in the public baths.

*************************

Continue reading: Volume 4-Post #3: Life During Wartime

Back to Volume 4 - all posts

[antoncore]

that picture😭😭 worst part is i feel like i’ve seen that meme before 😓😓

like… ok u talked about second chance sungchan… i hope this doesn’t get too weird but imagine ex!sungchan being incredibly toxic and nearly stalking u to keep tabs on u so he can ruin any possibility of u getting into a relationship of any kind with anyone else :( he would find any guy u hit it off with and threaten them so they’d never talk to u again and if they did get past him somehow he’d show up to ur date and make a scene so the guy would just decide it’s not worth it and leave :( so ur furious with him and get so angry and yell at him, cause why would he do this he’s being incredibly childish and stupid… but u still let him take u home in his car, under the guise of not wanting to pay for a cab and he wants to get u home safe and then the inevitable happens when you get to ur apartment.. u just can’t help urself with the way he was looking at u, his hand in the small of ur back as you unlock ur front door, suddenly ur both stumbling towards the couch with fingers tangled in each other’s hair, tugging on shirts and lips smashing against each other because at this point neither of you can help urselves…

and then i just think despite being the person in the wrong.. sungchan would laugh and mock u as you spread your legs for him, grinding ur hips down on his fingers, whimpering,, because you better not have been doing this for anyone else.. and you promise him no one else would ever be able to make u feel like this… he’d call you a slut and a whore, and then he’d laugh at u more because u both know you love the way he treats u :( in bed at least.

- 🧸 anon

oh my god🥴🥴🥴

this has made me think about him having your head pressed into the pillow as he pounds you, putting you in a headlock as he whispers the most possessive shit ever. he doesn’t want ANYONE else to have you like this, only he could ruin you this way. and you couldn’t even fight it, you wouldn’t want anyone else to make you feel like this either. his cock just fit inside you perfectly (and he made sure of it) and he just pounded you like you wanted <3

my stomach is starting to do backflips oh my fuck-

[bloodweaveyaoi]

I probably should've figured from the icon but I honestly didn't expect you to prefer AA to spawn! I haven't seen so many bloodweave fans feeling that way. Is there any reason why you prefer that ending? Also what do you usually prefer for Gale?

Oh I have a MILLION reasons why. I love all Astarions admittedly but nothing hits quite like the mask off version of him—being his truest most vilest and possessive self. Not a fan of the ending for him when he isn't partnered as he ends up in a toxic cycle of sleeping his way up for status, but I imagine many feel that way about professor Gale getting back with Mystra in some un-romanced endings as well, so.

As for Gale, A!A and his mortal (well, kind of, he's a wizard) Gale is my bread and butter. That being said I'm a huge fan of God Gale as well (as you can tell from my latest fic). I'm just all too into the idea of Astarion manipulating Gale away from the crown just so he can maintain the power in the relationship. It's so adorably toxic and so so SO them.

I've been wanting to do a spawnstarion Bloodweave run but I can't rationalize it because Gale canonically doesn't actually GAF about dooming so many souls (thank you devnotes!) and A!A canonically makes him horny as fuck—he just wants Astarion to be at his happiest! And you know. He really loves those teeth of his...

These are just my thoughts, obviously ^_^ others will have their interpretations or personal tastes which is good because it invites discussion and also invites even more kind of Bloodweave art! I wouldn't be able to run this blog if I didn't adore them in every conceivable way. 🥰

[prismatoxic]

for a while now i've had this persistent idea of nate becoming soft and adoring later on, but i was never fully sure how i was supposed to reconcile that with his hair-trigger temper and violence at the start of his arc. however... i was talking to a friend the other day and it finally clicked.

after his dad leaves, nate starts learning how to be the person he thinks he's supposed to be. masculine, strong, stoic, capable... you know, all that jazz. toxic masculinity distilled down into a ten year old who's coping with abandonment. his mom gently corrects him where she can, and she knows he's a sweet kid, but to nate... being sweet and soft is part of what made his dad not want him. so he starts trying to fix it.

his mom and ryan both are the most positive forces in his life, but johnny is reinforcing his warped ideals. nate learns that he needs to act a certain way with everyone; his public persona mostly defaults to what johnny expects, however, because johnny is most likely to disapprove if nate slips. he wants to be the man his father expected. he wants to be the man johnny thinks he is. he wants to be the man his mom is worried about, that ryan is exasperated by, too--because it's just what he's come to be known for. changing now will be strange. changing now is defeat. he's at least still unguarded with his mom, but... she's learned what buttons can't be pressed. nate will still clam up and pull back emotionally if the wrong things are said.

to maintain this, nate's adopted a mantra of "fake it til you make it", but more accurately, he's got a chokehold on his inner self at all times. everything within him that threatens to step out of line from this image he maintains is heavily suppressed.

to put it bluntly, he's fucking exhausted.

spending all his time carefully analyzing himself to only let out what furthers the "correct" perception of others is fucking tiring! and what does being worn thin do to people? makes them snappy. makes them lash out. makes them irrational. but all those things are "masculine"... so they're allowed to stay.

nate is always angry because he's burnt out from ratcheting up the tension on his emotional restraints at all times. when things do slip, when he's too tired to maintain it, he gets angrier. seeing him cry is usually accompanied by screaming. sentimentality is met with annoyance. love? god. he hates it. especially because he's gay--love, for him, happens only with men, and that's the worst thing he can imagine in terms of who he's supposed to be.

but at 23, an adult with a job and his own place and his own life, nate doesn't realize that the only person who expects him to be that is himself.

sure, johnny has some ideas about it, but they've been through so much together that he'd readily forgive nate for being something else. ryan and his mom would be so proud of him. his fans wouldn't mind, nor would his coworkers, nor would anyone else he spends time with... he's the only one.

and the reason why this shift tends to happen when he falls in love isn't because love fixes him, but because letting someone into his life intimately just about forces him to start opening up. he doesn't have to, of course, and doesn't for a while, but once it starts... once he feels safe enough to let the walls down...

...they all come down.

he lets the tension go slack and can't regain control of it again. the restraints fall away and his heart is left to do as it wants. this part of him is scared, still, but when he allows himself to not worry so much about the things he feels, the things people see him feeling... he finds himself less emotionally worn. the pressure's gone, his pent up emotions now free to spread out. he doesn't feel like lashing out anymore.

he still gets angry... and he's jealous and possessive and sensitive to rejection and abandonment to the point that he sees it when it isn't there. but that hair-trigger temper, like he's always a second from snapping, is gone. he has the strength to think things through because it isn't all diverted to something else.

he's got a ways to go, even then, in terms of being healthy with his emotions and the ways he handles things. but the persistent rage, the irrationality, it's not something he struggles with anymore. he can actually start healing.

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

Now this may sound crazy but hear me out. Laito x Kou x Subaru

tw // incest, dark themes, non-con. this post is dark asf. if you don't like that kind of stuff, scroll tf on.

tagging this as incest n shit because i'm not going into this lightly. we all know i love problematic ships. this isn't crazy, this is GENIUS. this has SO MUCH awful toxic potential.

the first thing which makes these 3 an AWFUL combination is the fact that these guys are the 3 characters in DL who i think have BPD. they're all different sub-types. i wrote a post here about why i think subaru has BPD (borderline personality disorder) again i want to make it clear that having BPD does not make somebody inherently abusive. i have BPD too, been diagnosed for 2 years, in therapy for 2 and half years, and medicated heavily for the past year. so again, i know what i'm talking about. if you want to read more about BPD, check out that post first.

and like i said before, people with undiagnosed/untreated BPD can do some really shitty things. it's a trauma response and an explanation for some behaviours, but it's not an excuse.

there's four sub-types of BPD (i'm petulant) and these are what i think subaru, kou and laito have:

Subaru - self-destructive (intense feelings of self-loathing and bitterness, turn to self-destructive behaviours)

Kou - impulsive (difficulty with impulse control, high risk of suicide attempts - kou is the character with the biggest history of suicide attempts)

Laito - petulant (strong need to manipulate or control others, experience dissatisfaction and possessiveness in relationships)

it doesn't take a professional to look through that combination and think, God, without any kind of help or intervention, that'd be FUCKED.

obviously laito isn't a stranger to incest and since subaru was also born out of incest, i feel like there'd be a sense of self-fulfilling prophecy combined with a desire to be loved. if being in a toxic relationship makes him feel like shit then he'd probably take this as being deserved.

i think this twisted fucked up polyam relationship would probably start with subaru and kou being together. i really wouldn't put it past kou to cheat on subaru with laito, especially if laito set his sights on kou and decided he wanted him.

once subaru finds out about kou cheating, i think kou could probably manipulate him into staying, but then somehow laito comes in. at first, i'd say subaru and laito would compete for kou.

since laito has this very strong belief that if you're happy in love, you haven't been hurt enough, i can imagine him going in to hurt subaru, simply out of jealousy that subaru wasn't hurt the way he was by cordelia. i'd say that's where the incest comes in.

i would not be surprised at all if the first instances of sex between laito and subaru was non-consensual. when kou found out he'd definitely be mad but laito is very good at manipulation and i can imagine him coaxing kou into thinking the 3 of them should all be in a relationship.

from that point, i think it'd be a clusterfuck of manipulation, possessiveness and jealousy. if two of them hook up, the other is mad and jealous. this fic has a chapter where laito gets subaru off then kou comes along like "you're mind back off laito". furthermore, kou has a history of suicide attempts both as a kid and in canon (dark fate, dark 10/epilogue) and i DEFINITELY think he'd use that against them.

laito is the most controlling and would definitely love-bomb then pull away. subaru would probably be the one in the most awkward position but he's bold when he needs to be and i can imagine him doing self-destructive shit when the fear of abandonment kicks in.

with that said...

all three of them CAN be incredibly loyal and loving. when they're not in fights or jealous battles competing for each other's attention, i think they'd have fun doing things together. i can 10000% see them getting drunk or doing drugs together. god, don't let me go off on a tangent and talk about them being drug addicts too. not to mention, when they're in a loving mood, i think the threesomes would be WILD, in a good way.

so, yeah, i think this a good ship IF you like problematic stuff.

[thecameronchronicles]

The Heart Wants What It Wants

TW: Severe toxic relationship. Emotional Abuse. Language. Degrading Language. Smut. Violence. 

SUMMARY: You and Rafe are Toxic. Your love is the result of manipulation from the kook prince himself. And yet, you’re both too consumed and obsessed to walk away…

WORD COUNT: 3100

*REQUESTED*

The Heart Wants What It Wants

Codependent. Manipulative. Possessive. 

No matter the word used, you and Rafe were toxic. 

Where compassion and understanding should exist at the forefront, came jealousy and domination. A silent set of guidelines always lingered in existence in the games you played against one another; allowing others your flirtations just to get a rise out of one another, doing this for the sole purpose of entertaining yourselves with just how you’d tear into each other once alone. 

Every kink imaginable had been exercised at least once as your favorites became a common practice. Along with this, there wasn’t a sin or sexual position you hadn’t indulged in or fantasy you hadn’t made a reality-no matter how depraved or painful. And there were no collection of words from friends or threats from family that would convince you of anything but their jealousy and misunderstanding. 

This would be shown in the way Rafe buried his cock inside of you with the intent to take you in public; to be exact, the dining room table at the crux of Tannyhill, as Ward and Rose came upon you in disgust. The sight was exhilarating for you in what was traumatizing for them; hips rushing together in thrusts, gasps and moans spoken between vulgarities, and the sight of your back rising into an arch as he brought you to a mutual orgasm before those trying to keep you apart. 

Of course, they had their reasons for doing so as you were once the perfect straight-laced girl, much like his own sister, Sarah. Not a cross word spoken to anyone unkind and a future as bright as could be, he’d convinced you he’d protect and care for you, only to guilt you into sharing his addictions until the only thing you loved more than Rafe was the high from the cocaine you’d do off of one another. 

You were in tears more than you smiled and yelled more than discussed. But it was always the ways he’d come to you in tears, contorting your sympathy behind gaslighting and guilt, that kept you at his side, unapologetically and loyally. And all of this was only scratching the surface of your relationship, which brought you to your most recent tiff…

“Are you fucking kidding me, Rafe?!” You scolded, finding him upon the back porch of Tannyhill, rising from over a recent bend and rubbing his nose to signal that he’d taken a hit just seconds prior to your arrival. 

“Nice to see you too…” He laughed, the burn of his inhalation numbing just as quickly as it had been consumed as you’d remained steadfast with your hands on your hips, his eyes trained against your curves as you glared at him. 

“This is a new low-even for YOU.” He reclined back into his chosen seat, hands rising through his hair, before a deep exhale relaxed him into the showcase of your dramatizations. 

“Am I just supposed to guess-”

“YOU OFFERED ME TO BARRY FOR DRUGS?!” Once again, he found humor in your anger,even though you’d more than proven you were just as rough and volatile as he could be, once provoked. 

“Like you wouldn’t have fucked him just for a hit anyway-” He spoke coldly, harshly, and enough to draw your eyes into a hard line of a further narrow. Because of this, you reached to the bag of blow and held it over the railing, threatening to release it to the wind to get his attention. 

“You’ll get over it…now give that back before I prove to you how impatient I am-”

But to this, you would turn your back to him, acting against him calling your bluff as he’d rush behind you, rough hands eating into your arms as you were pulled against the railing. 

“You’re such a fucking bitch, you know that?! I swear to God if I- '' But to this, you revealed how the bag remained in your possession, a cock of his jaw showing the awe of how he adored this yo-yo treatment you’d always put him through. 

“If you wanted it for yourself, you could have just said so. Don’t fuck with me like that…” He reached for it, forced to press himself against you, as you stretched further. 

“Give it to me.” He spoke through clenched teeth as you extended even further, a cruel grip of your jaw and a twist from humored to annoyed lining his voice, brought his command to you again. 

“Cunt-” He spoke beneath his breath, apprehending what he desired as you rolled your eyes, this word spoken in such repetition that it was now indifferent to what once enraged you. 

“Draw me a line, would ya?” You asked, pulling the sweater from your arms to become more comfortable, as he pulled the rolled twenty from the table before using his father’s credit card to create the perfect little line in wait for you, its promise of that chaotic high beckoning to you against your morality begging you to act otherwise. 

The second you sat at his side, he pulled your hair into a makeshift ponytail to guide you forward, watching the line disappear through the vestibule at a pinch between your fingers, as he allowed you to lift to him, only to take the remnants from the table and press it against your lips. Once spread to his satisfaction, he would then press the most thorough of kisses, starting with his tongue tracing that blur of coke across yoru kiss. 

The mix of highs was enough to forgive him temporarily as you’d been pulled into a straddle across his hips, the feeling of his cock signaling his desire for you. And so with the initial break of this kiss for breath, you’d taken it upon yourself to descend further with your lips until resting at his neck, his erratic pulse raging against your mouth. 

“Did you uh…DID you get more?” He asked, a hint of hesitation in his voice as he had slipped his fingers beneath the edge of your shirt, clawing at the skin beneath. 

You answered by lifting the new bag from your back pocket, a smile breaking from your lips against his neck, as he’d suddenly rejected you to the other side of the couch. 

“What the hell-”

“So you DID fuck him?” Before you could answer, he was already on his feet, pacing the width of the porch in an aggressive stomp, fingers rising to his temples. 

“YOU made the deal, Rafe…”

“Didn’t mean you HAD to fuck him!” You scoffed in disbelief as he continued. 

“So he came inside you then? Huh? You show up HERE dripping with HIM?!” You couldn’t help yourself to comment, the words leaving your lips before you could even think of an alternative. 

“SO what if I did?” His gait and gaze froze to you in equal measure before he clenched his jaw but raised his brows as if offering you a chance to apologize or explain how it had been a lie. 

“You don’t like the idea? Isn’t that why you offered me as collateral?” You were now on your feet, moving to him as he tensed with each step in which you closed the distance between you. 

“Hmm?” You teased, fingers running over his polo to feel the exact rigidity your words forced into his breaths constricting from his anger, “For him to touch me? Take off your favorite pair of panties and fuck me until I spilled over with his cum-”

“Shut the fuck up-”

“He was so big Rafe…Even bigger than you…” A harsh grip in your hair held you in place as he set a firm slap to your cheek. 

“You let him fuck you, huh? You let him inside MY pussy? You let him come inside MY pussy?” You only smiled as he now had you back on the couch, one hand wrapped painfully in your hair as the other was dismantling his belt. 

“You gonna let him take you like a whore, you’re gonna BE one for ME.” He ordered as you’d obliged, too aroused to deny him what you wanted. For this, you kept your eyes to him, just as you know he’d adored, before taking him into your mouth. 

“No-You’re gonna choke on my cock until you can’t fucking breathe-cry for me-show me how sorry you are.” You opened your throat to him, allowing yourself to be used despite the retch caused by his unkind thrusts into your mouth. The sensitivity of your reflex was tested and abused in every degree before he’d finally taken himself out of you. Tears streaming down your cheeks, lips swollen in repetitious penetration, and the most desperate of breaths interrupted as he’d drown you in his length. 

“You take his dick like this, huh baby? You look up at him like you are at me?” You shook your head ‘no’ as he would only scoff. 

“Fucking liar! I know he wouldn’t have lasted as long.” He rounded his second hand to your hair, making it stationary before the flexes of his hips, tears from you and salt from his precum having mixed within each input and withdrawal until he’d used you to the extent he believed was necessary. 

“Had enough?” He teased, just as breathless as you, although he had been in pleasure whereas yours had been in deprivation. And yet, you continued to push his patience-if such a thing even existed within him anymore. 

“Never.” His jaw cocked as he forced you onto your back, pulling your shorts from your waist before fixating on the lace panties that were his favorite red set, as you’d mentioned earlier. 

“You this wet from me? Fuck! I haven’t even touched you yet, you fucking whore…” He chortled as his eyes suddenly fixated upon a small bandage upon your left thigh, a simple sheet of gauze kept to your skin with medical tape. 

“YOU LET HIM MARK YOU?! I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!” He tore off the bandage only to pause in disbelief. Every ounce of anger faded from once he noticed that he’d been wrong. The only time in his life in which he’d ever gladly admit it as that scowl altered into excitement. 

Before you could comment, his fingers traced over the fresh tattoo before his gaze, the sight of his initials forever etched into your skin. This sign of commitment having supplied a forgiveness as his eyes hadn’t wavered from it for even a second. 

“Shit….” He finally breathed, his gaze only finding yours when you chuckled. 

“I’m yours Rafe…I always will be-”

“Did HE see that?” You shook your head ‘no’, as some semblance of aggression returned behind the usual cool sapphire of his irises darkening in anger once again. 

“He never touched me…”

“Then how did you get-”

“I paid for it, Rafe.” You huffed. “I don’t expect my dad to fix my mistakes for me…” His eyes narrowed. “I don’t need anyone to-”

“And what about me, huh? How are you gonna make it up to ME? You think I deserve to be toyed with?” He questioned while you forced him into a sitting position to where you could straddle him, his dominance weaning just long enough for this change of pose. But once again that domineering and preying look in his eyes faltered once his fingers came to that tattoo once again. 

“So fucking sexy…” He muttered as you grinned. 

“I hope you like it because it hurt like hell…” You explained, his fingers adorning the calligraphy making up the “R” and “C” of his initials. “I just hope the guy I’m with after you has the same initials or-” He suddenly took an aggressive hold of your jaw. 

“There will never be another guy after me. I own you, baby. Every fucking part of you…” His hand ran the width of your hips, pulling you harder into him. “All the things your dirty little mouth says and does…the way you feel when I’m inside of you-ONLY ME-Say it-tell me you’re mine.”

“I’m yours, Rafe-” You spoke softly, too winded from an aching throat and his aggression to argue-at least for the moment. 

“Prove it.” He demanded as you’d feel him tear the edges of your panties until they were nothing but useless fabric. 

“Rafe!”

“You know I’ll buy you new ones, now shut that pretty little mouth before I come in it.” You rolled your eyes half in arousal and half in annoyance to his potentially empty threat, before he’d rammed himself up into you. Whenever his fingers would trace the sensitive raised skin of your recent tattoo, he would unleash himself within you in rough pistons reminding you how deeply his desire for you ran. Truly feral. As if you’d ever have to question this, even in the rare occasions in which you fought-that always ended with riotous sex, you knew he’d always wanted. 

“Stop moving!” He grunted, holding you in place. “I’m gonna make you ache for days baby!” His hand to your ass made you gasp before he’d pulled both of your hands behind your back, exposing the tattoo once more. 

“GOD! That fucking tattoo is making me need to come inside of you!”

“Can’t last?” You teased as he growled. 

“Just because I come doesn’t mean I’m fucking done with you.” He used his second hand against your throat, squeezing you tight enough to restrict your oxygen, but knowing your limits and therefore releasing you when you’d reached your extent.

“I’m gonna come because I’ve earned it, because you’ve pushed my buttons and I can’t wait-I shouldn’t have to. But then I’m gonna eat you out until you go hoarse, squirting all over my family’s house, and then I’m gonna fuck you from behind until you’re trembling-and then I’ll do it again just to prove what that fucking tattoo does to me, understand?” You nodded, excitable for what was to come, as he’d stuck to his promise. 

Unsteady thrusts brought his release to you, your name chorused in pleas while he’d painted your walls with his seed. But the usual embrace he’d keep you in was interrupted and replaced with your back suddenly upon the table, your legs taken over each of his shoulders while he’d taken his tongue to your clit. 

For the way you’d tormented him at the torture of Barry and yoru attitude, he’d edge you in repetition, your desperation coming to him as threats, before he’d mend this mometnarily by drawing a line of remaining coke to the dip of your thigh and curve of your navel, getting high off of your body in every sense, before returning to his flicks. 

“FUCK!” He belted as he’d smirk into you, well aware exactly where to draw the stripes of his tongue as he’d left your nipples numb with the remaining cocaine set upon his fingers now rubbed into your erect apexes at attention for him. The sensations having been too much to endure as you’d erupted as he’d guaranteed you would. 

“Not even halfway done, baby…”He explained, taking you between his legs until your back was at a rest against his chest. 

“Come on…You need to do this for me…You need to earn my forgiveness for being such a little bitch…a little slut…” He pulled your hair, forcing you to rest at his shoulder while you’d feel him rage against your clit with his fingertips. 

“Let go baby…I’m gonna make you squirt all over this fucking deck…Come on…Come for me baby…Let me prove I’m all you’ll ever need.” 

“Rafe! OH MY GOD! It’s TOO MUCH!”

“It’s never enough.” You nodded in this contradicting truth as you’d buckle around his fingers again, your fingers digging into his wrist before he’d now bend you over the arm of the couch, the same harsh thrusts from before returning to you as he’d bottomed out in each extension. Perspiration and vulgarity mixed between you as he’d shown his appreciation for your tattoo by reminding you of it, pulling at your neck and your breasts in desperation, before quickening his thrusts. 

“You’re gonna wear the shortest dresses and the smallest of bikinis so everyone can see that fucking tattoo-so everyone knows you’re fucking me!”

“They already know, Rafe-” You teased as he pulled your jaw to face him, a rough kiss rivaling your attitude as you were left in a smirk as he bent you forward once again. 

“And now they always will…FUCK!” He winced. 

“Faster! Please Rafe! I need to come!”

“Two not enough for you?”

“NEVER!” 

“Then fuck me back-yeah, JUST LIKE THAT…” He forced you to ram back against him, an impossible depth reached by your mutual thrusts and retractions. “Come on, earn my cum baby…drain me fucking dry-show me how fuckin’ sorry you are for being a bitch-”

“Rafe! I’m sorry-”

“How sorry?”

“SO FUCKING SORRY!” He nodded. 

“I know baby…I can feel you clenching-goddammit!” He grunted. 

“Come one more time fo rme baby, I know yo’ve got in in you…come on…come the fuck on, I’m getting impatient baby!”

“RA-RA-RAAFFEE!” With the final belt of his name, you’d become spent for the third time in less than an hour, your entire body numb as he’d force you back onto your knees, just as you’d started. 

“I want you to taste yourself off of me-see what I have to fucking deal with…How sweet you always are…And then I want you to choke on how much I’ll come down that tight little throat-” You nodded, allowing him to fuck into your throat once again, the release only brought during the tire of his stamina, leaving behind lust blown eyes and tears just as before. 

Your name sung out in broken eloquence behind a series of curses and moans until he’d finally shot his load down your throat, the most decadent of moans from your mouth reverberating through each and every one of his nerves. His body tensed as he forced you back to your feet. 

“You ever screw with me like that again and you’ll never come again…That will be the last time you’ll know my cock-understand?” You nodded. 

“Good. Now lay down…I want to look at my brand…” He grinned as you’d obeyed, used and winded from the last sixty minutes of being abused and allowing it with vigor…

Yes, you and Rafe were toxic. But it was where you thrived…

@hopebaker @iovdrew @penny4yourthoughts @magnificantmermaid @pickingviolets

[besotted-eros]

Obsessed!Eren Headcanons+

Genre: SFW Headcanons + NSFW scene under cut

Summary: Eren being helplessly in love with you, and the night where he could show you just how bad.

Content: Bit of toxic jealousy, obsessive thoughts, losing virginity, romance,established relationship,oral (female receiving), unprotected sex

AN: Take some fluff, take some angst, take some smut and don't say I don't feed you

Eren loves so deeply, so passionately, so possessively. From the moment his heart decides on you, you are twisted in him. Yours is the first name on his lips in the morning, whether he wakes up beside you, or in a barracks beside Armin. Or in a jail cell alone. He thinks of you obsessively, weaving you into everything he does.

He used to follow you, sorting his schedule by yours. You would find him by your door, by the table you liked to read at, waiting for you expectantly.

It's almost scary sometimes. He makes your breath falter with his intensity, his need for you. You know he means it that he'll go mad if he ever loses you.

He keeps a note you wrote him in the inner pocket of his jacket. It doesn't say much, a quick entreatment to sleep and eat, your name signed with love. When he salutes his fist rests over it. He pledges to more than the scouts. It remains there long after his last salute.

He steals your hair ties, often reaching up to touch his hair when your absence gets too much. When his hair is down, falling below his shoulders like a chestnut curtain, he keeps it around his wrist. When he loses himself in the fog of memories that don't belong to him, he snaps it. It reminds him of the way you'd tap the back of his hand, pulling him back into the world of the living. You are his anchor.

He refuses to keep his hands off you in public, even if it gets him in trouble. No amount of scolding from Levi will make him stop touching your waist as you pass by during training, or pulling you in for a kiss before zipping away. Your friends become use to it, the way Eren will pull you against him when you sit together, or move you into his lap. His hands will rest on your hips, rub your shoulders. But he loves holding your hand above all. It's the way the world knows you are tied. Bound.

There are only a few people allowed to touch you. Mikasa, Armin. Sasha on good days. One time Jean attempted to throw a casual arm around you as you spoke, and was quickly thrown to the ground. Yes, Eren and Jean fought. But this time was different. Eren spat in his face, baring his teeth as he delivering a bone crunching punch. "Don't. Fucking. Touch her." He growled, sounding more animal than man. He never apologised for that. You were careful to keep your space from other men too.

When you're apart he is hollow. Listless. He imagines what you're doing, if you're safe. If you're missing him. He pictures you in trouble without him, and it stirs him into action, to find you faster. To wrap you in his arms, the only place you'll ever truly be safe.

When you reunite, it brings him to tears. They quiver in the corners of his verdant eyes as he tenderly cradles you, large hands stroking through your hair. He buries his face in you so you won't see them. And he says your name. Over and over. Like a chant. Like a prayer. Like a thank you.

There is one time that those tears fall. It is when he takes you, when he gives himself to you.

The evening had been perfect, ignoring the upcoming trip to Marley that weighed heavily on all minds. You didn't want to think about that, instead focusing on the spiced wine that Levi had quietly pushed into your hands while Hange grinned from behind him. And the way Eren traced circles on your knee, his normal stoic face softened into a half smile.

You snuck away from your friends, leaving Connie and Sasha bellowing a war song while Mikasa tried to force Sasha's shirt back on. You had tapped his wrist, and soon you were out of the mess hall, holding onto each other as you stumbled into the moonlight. You kissed, soft and repeated, your lips unbearably supple under his. Eren wondered if the butterflies would ever fade as your head leaned against his shoulder. He never wanted them to. He wanted to love you like he was free falling from a wall, with his heart in his throat and life bursting from every pore.

Soon you found yourself at the door to the room you shared with Mikasa and Sasha. This is where you would usually part, with him kissing your forehead goodnight. He would quell his thoughts of you in the shower later, your name hot on his tongue as the cool water cascaded over his firm body.

But this time you pulled him in.

When he laid you on the bed, your soft hair splayed across the over the pillow like a sunburst, his heart stopped. He had seen this before. He had dreamt it. There was no god to Eren, no angels. But in that moment he knew he had found someone to worship.

But nothing could have prepared him for how it felt. Lips meeting like crashing waves, the soft gasps that left your throat as his hands found parts of you no one else would ever touch. He wanted to run his fingers across every inch, to discover you like a new world. Here, the dip of your hips. There they smooth into your legs, here into your ass where the flesh was soft and pliable under his fingers. His thumb brushed across your lips, and when you took into your mouth, tongue tracing the pad of it, he groaned.

He could have ruined you right then and there. But he held back.

Eren memorized you, the feel of your chest against his and the way you kissed his collarbone until it was a field of blooming bruises. Tomorrow he would wear his shirt unbuttoned, wearing your love like a medal. He returned the favour in tenfold, leaving blossoms of soft purple across your neck. They were rewards for every time you touched him. How good it felt. Eren had never felt this good. Soon your chest was littered with them, his mouth hot and desperate on your breasts. Here he seemed to say. I have touched you here, and here. I loved you there, and there.

You spoke his name into the night like a prayer. The want in it, the need of him. It twisted his stomach into a rosary as he held your face and kissed you like a blessing. He liked how your mouth formed him, called him forth into the world. He wanted more of that.

So he kissed his way down, teeth sneaking out every once in a while to nip at your supple skin. You found where you wanted him most, where you throbbed with want. You were so delicate under his fingers as he dipped them into you, walls fluttering as your toes curled. Your hands found his hair, encouraging him further as his tongue slid against your clit, making you buck.

He could do this to you. He could make you putty under his fingers. This strong, demanding woman who slayed those who threatened her, reduced to whimpering his name.

His. Eren was making you his. He was defiling you in the softest of ways, pressing your legs open, your slick slit parting for him. He dragged his tongue up, down, up again to circle your throbbing clit. When you looked down at him, his eyes were glazed green glass, your wetness making his lips shine. He pulled his fingers out, holding the soaked fingers towards you. Obediently you took them into your mouth, and he gasped against your warmth, sucking at your clit in response and making you throw your head back. Your throat exposed, vulnerable and ridden with angry bruises.

He couldn't handle it. His shaft was hard against the bed as he pressed into it, but it wasn't enough. It would never be enough. And then you pulled up, tugging his long hair. You licked yourself off his lips, tasting how you coated his tongue. Your legs were still spread, exposed for him. Eren angled himself, his dripping head aligned with your wet entrance, while he kissed his love into you.

"Please," you asked, it was all Eren needed.

And then you were connected. His fingers found yours, and you held tightly to his hand as hips rocked against yours. Your eyes were closed, pinched tightly at the sensation of pleasure and pain radiating from the warmth between your legs. He was big. He was so big.

Eren whispered your name.

"Look at me. Look at me while we do this." He murmured, his nose tracing your cheek as he peppered soft kisses on your jaw.

You did, meeting his green gaze. His mouth opened, a kick of pleasure making his toes curl as he adored you. The way you stared up at him, a look he would never see you give another. Your hand moved to cup his cheek, breasts bouncing as his body picked up speed. He was desperate. He was aching. He had pictured you like this for so long, but his dreams held no candle to the way your walls gripped him.

"Never. Never let another man touch you." He panted, his heart soaring as you nodded, nails digging into his shoulder as you held on to him, feeling him rail into you. "Be mine. Be forever mine. Please y/n..." His voice broke as he picked you up from the bed, needing to feel even closer. Even tighter. Your legs wrapped around him in response as your moans hit a fervored pitch. He gripped your thighs, using them to bounce you up and down his veiny shaft, using you to milk him. Eren sat back, letting the moonlight bathe your back as your hair stuck to your skin, mingling with his.

"I love you." He said. It cut through your incoherent moans, your whimpers of satisfaction. You pulled back to rest your forehead against his, letting yourself stare at him. To be seen by him. He could have done anything to look at you forever, to live his world only through your eyes.

"I love you too, 'ren." You whispered, and it pushed him over the edge. He slammed you back into the bed, load whines ripping from his throat as his hips snapped against yours over and over. You. You. You. You invaded his every sense, his every particle. You were Eren's everything.

When he came, it was like a dam breaking. Flooding you, making you cream around him. You overflowed with him, and he was at once addicted to the sensation. You cried out with him, your moans mingling as his hot mouth overtook yours. His cheeks were wet. He shook as you kissed, collapsing against you. His body was hot and muscular, the scratches you left on his back steaming slightly.

You lay there for peaceful moments, pressing your face into the top of his head while he listened to your heartbeat. He would do anything to ensure that it would never stop. He was going to do anything to ensure it never stopped.

Even if that meant he wouldn't always be there to hear it.

[hoe4rairai]

For the excitement of finally see kengan request open, I forgot the suggestions and ideas I had to make for this opportunity, so while I think of something better, I'll leave this here.

Look, a jealous Raian. Not the toxic kind, not the kind of Raian that hates to have his s/o looked at for two seconds, no. This kind of jealousy that burns you up inside, not because another man looked at his female, spend time with his s/o, no no. For the simple reason that he thinks there is another man out there who is better for his wife. In every way, romantically, professionally, in education, in everything. Someone less of a monster.

I've always had this little headcanon where Raian would always feel jealous at one point. Even though this piece of shit has a god complex, when he stops thinking about that term and falls into reality (even for one night), he doesn't doubt and can't get it out of his head that there is and will be a man a thousand times better for his s/o.

HOLLY SHIT, this is long, sorry. Sorry if there is any misspelling, English is not my first language.

So sorry to keep you waiting .... 💗💗🙈 work is crazy and btw English isn't my 1st language either heheheee...

===============================

Headcanon Time

Raian the non toxic Jealous man AWWWWW

- Raian is a possessive man over anything and everything he claims his . This part is just never going to change so JUST DEAL WITH IT.

- Even though possessiveness is a negative trait to many but his possessiveness is not fuelled with toxic behaviour.

- When I write about Raian, I imagine The Brutal heartless Raian but as a real human. And I strongly believe every man has a soft spot for a woman / man ( name them a Lover ) that's where most of my thoughts come from. ( I needed to get this out of the way 😵‍💫👀 )

- Back to Raian >

- He will probably be quiet when he is jealous not because he doesn't want to start any drama ( wooh that man can be the king or dramas if he felt like it ) but because he just knows that you got the hint and he knows that you value his trust.

- Actually, even though Raian is possessive and he is a true sucker for all the attention you give him and will chase you for it like a clingy kitty but somehow it doesn't upsent him when other men see you attractive, actually he caught himself smile when he looks at them wanting you but he knows you won't even give them a flying fuck.

- its not like he is 100% sure u won't leave him or find no one attractive but him, but I guess its little more deeper than that.

- Ohhhhh yes boo the man can feel deep things too and his feelings for you run deep.

- Raian will never waste his time on anyone unless someone change something in him be it bad change or a good one. Raian acts with his instincts like a predator he either kill danger or f*ck a baby into his lover PerioT.

- Sometimes you wonder if he's jealousy is because he is a demanding big boi or is it because he is insecure .

- RAIAN INSECURE PISHHHH PLZ BITCH WDF R U TALKING ABOUT ...

- wellp let me surprise you ...Yes he is insecure not about his looks, body, your love for him , financially or any of that .. No..

- Raian insecurity comes from his tough handling , his bloody job, his brutal fights and his lust for blood. You see all that was not even a problem, he actually lived for all that. His love for a good kill sometimes suppressed his love for sex ( THATS SICK ) SORRY ..

- Until you showed up unannounced to shift these measures into something more human base, and that's what made him insecure and at times confused to wdf is he doing with an angel like you.

- He saw how you treat ppl kindly, he saw your soft side, the way you stupidly cry while watching a sad movie and he laughs at you then pretend to die as well so he gets the same reaction from you 🤣 ( I fuckin swear I can see him do that ) .

- Raian, understands where your strength comes from, not from him but from within you and I can't tell you how much he admires that in you. He knows you need him and you will never leave him but his job, his lust for blood and twisted ways gives him a glimps of the idea that might cause him to turn to a real devil and start a killing spree on humanity.

- ( SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE IS BETTER FOR YOU THAN HIM )

- the question is ( will you rather be with a wild, unrefined, blunt and strong lover that nothing about him is normal and can literally fight demons for you or with just a guy who will show you how much he loves you and would die for you but doesn't have what it takes to keep you on your feet, to burn you with desire, to leave you beg for me, to give you a zest about life and make you get out of your comfort zone )

You choose ..... ???

......

RAIAN IS LIVING IN MY HEAD RENT FREE AND I AM EXHAUSTED BUT HAPPY

Photo credit to owner

[my-emotional-self]

Toxic Love Chapter 5

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary: Finding out your soulmates were Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes was one thing.  But when someone from your past comes back to haunt you, you have to figure out if a relationship with two super soldiers is something you really want to pursue or if you’d rather go back to your comfortable single life.

Series Warnings:  18+, Swearing, Angst, Fluff, past mentions of rape, self-harm, attempted rape, domestic violence, stalking, death threats, possible Dark!Steve?, Steve will be an asshole a LOT in this series but I don’t know how dark it will get, explicit sexual content, mental health issues, kind of A/B/O dynamics but not really (no they are not actual wolves, more like the hierarchy), mentions of suicide, flashbacks to suicide.  

A/N: There will be no taglist for this story!  I apologize in advance!

Two long weeks it had been since you last saw Steve and Bucky.  They had to leave on a mission but they checked in with you regularly through texts.  It was rather cute that they were checking in on you and you liked that they were protective of you.  

But also during those two weeks, you had gotten another five notes either taped to your door or shoved under your door.  Each note had gotten worse and worse.  At first when you started getting the notes, you knew you didn’t have anything to worry about.  You had called the prison and they informed you that yes, John was still locked up and hadn’t gotten out.  And you kept doing that with each note, just to make sure for your safety.  You also knew his friends wouldn’t harm you.  No, that would only throw John over the edge and he would probably murder any of his friends who put their hands on you in any way.  Possessive asshole.  He was possessive in a way that was deranged.  Steve and Bucky were possessive in a more protective way.  In a way you felt safe.  

But these five current notes you got started to make you feel on edge.  You had debated with yourself for quite some time if you should come clean to Steve and Bucky about it.  Yet you decided not to.  They were too busy on their mission and you didn’t want them distracted.  Instead, you put the notes in your little box and tried not to think about it.  In a few short hours, you would be moved in to the Avengers Tower and you wouldn’t have any more issues.

Another thing was nagging at you and it was the fact that you had become much more irritable over the last few days.  You hoped, no you fucking prayed, it wasn’t your medication that needed a dose increase so instead you chalked it up to the stress of having to move.  

The following day Steve and Bucky surprised you at your apartment to help you finish packing. They had even rented a moving truck to help move things quicker.  Almost everything was already packed; you just had the drawers left in your bedroom and the furniture.  

Steve opened up the top drawer of your dresser and you could hear the growl that left his lips. Turning around, you saw him take out a few of your toys.  “What the fuck are these?” he demanded, brows furrowed as he threw them on your bed. Bucky heard the commotion and came into the bedroom, eyeing you, Steve and the handful of toys on your bed.  “I thought we agreed on a rule that you weren’t to touch yourself Y/N.”

“I-I know Steve.  I was going to throw them out today.  I wasn’t going to bring them along,” you replied softly.

“Have you used these in the last two weeks?”

Shit.  You were caught.  But to be fair, you thought the rules took place once you moved in. Letting out a sigh, you replied, “Ok, yes I did.  But I thought the rules only went into place once I moved into the tower with you guys. I swear.”

Steve’s fists clenched as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.  It was his ‘authority’ stance and if you were being completely honest, he looked damn hot.  

“Fine.  You get this one warning.  No more pleasing yourself.  Do you understand?”

“Yes sir,” you replied quickly, not realizing that the word ‘sir’ went straight to Steve’s groin.  He turned his back on you and walked out of the bedroom while Bucky helped you pack up the rest of your stuff.  

With both super soldiers helping you out, the moving truck was packed up in no time.  You rode back to the tower with Steve and Bucky, beating the moving truck there.  They wanted to show you both of your rooms before unpacking the truck.  

The first room that they brought you to was the hobby room.  Upon opening it, you cried on sight.  It was perfect.  Absolutely fucking perfect.  The walls were white but there was LED lighting around the bottom of the walls making the room light up in pink.  It was how you dreamed of your game room.  Not only that, but Tony had upgraded all of your equipment and there on a brand new desk was two brand new large monitors, bigger than you could have ever imagined.  White shelves ran along the opposite wall of your computer and they were completely spare; waiting for your knickknacks.  

“I’m speechless,” you breathed, your hand coming up to clasp over your mouth.  You never wanted to leave this room.  How you were only supposed to work two nights a week now was beyond you.  You would have to find a way around that.  

Both Bucky and Steve took one of your hands in theirs and they brought you up to their apartment. Correction.  Your apartment as well.  Your heart was pounding in your chest as the elevator door opened and they led you down the hallway.  They stopped in front of your door and let your hands go.

“We are going to let you go ahead and explore your new place on your own.  We will be in here soon.  The scanner on the door opens for us too, but it will only open for us under two conditions. One, if there is an emergency and F.R.I.D.A.Y will override the system to let us in.  And two, if we ask to come in and your voice states that it’s ok, the door will automatically open for either one of us.  We want you to know we value your privacy alright?”

You nodded at Steve, giving him a tight smile before he and Bucky walked back down the hallway and into the living room.  

Taking one more deep breath, you placed your hand on the scanner and the door to your new apartment opened for you.  

Again, you cried instantly as you took in your new apartment.  The kitchen stayed the same, you had no qualms with how it looked. Instead of the original hardwood floor, there was a light gray carpet.  You hated the hardwood floor.  It was always so cold on your feet and now the carpet would keep your feet nice and toasty.  

The living room was your dream living room.  The walls were now a dark gray and there was a black three person couch along with two black chairs on either side; a black coffee table sat between the couch and the television hanging on the wall.  It was dark, just the way you wanted it.  

Sure, compared to your game room that was all bright colors, that was for a job and you had a different personality on camera.  Something that the watchers wanted to see.  Now, in the comfort of your own home, you could be yourself.  You were drawn to the darkness, it was what made you feel safer.  The brightness of other rooms always gave you a headache.  Now, you had nice blackout curtains along the floor to ceiling windows that would keep the light out and if you did want to, you could easily open it up for some bright sunshine.  

Walking along the rest of your apartment, you came about your bedroom.  Inside there was a large king sized bed that lay atop a black four post iron bedframe.  The best part of it was the black tule fabric that hung like curtains to each of the four bedposts.  There were red satin sheets and a black comforter atop the bed, ready for you to lay down and relax.  Screw your game room, you never wanted to leave this bed!

Standing in the middle of the bedroom, you closed your eyes and took it all in.  Things were going to start changing and you were hoping for the better for once in your life.  Things seemed content and you couldn’t wait to start your life here with Steve and Bucky.

Just then there was a knock on the door.  “Who is it?” you asked as you made your way into the living room.  

“It’s Steve.  Can I come in?”

“Of course.”

The door opened up and Steve appeared before you.  God he was a dream.  Thick locks with a luscious beard.  You couldn’t wait to kiss him.  

“How do you like the new place?” he asked as he moved into the apartment.  

“Steve,”  you began to say, looking around at everything.  “This is honestly so perfect.  I couldn’t have asked for anything better.  Thank you so much for making all of this possible.”

A tint of blush appeared on his cheeks.  “It was nothing sweetheart.  Honestly. We just want the best for you.”

You couldn’t take it anymore.  Seeing the blush rise on his cheeks, you gave into your desire.  You walked the few feet to him, placed your right hand behind his neck and pulled him down to meet your lips.  

His lips were soft. So fucking soft against yours as his hands went to grip your waist.  Your fingers dug into the hair at the nape of his neck, holding him close, not wanting to let go.  His lips parted and you took the opportunity to nibble on his lower lip; his grip on your waist tightening and you reveled in the feeling.  He was a good kisser.  God he was good as his tongue brushed against your lower lip.  You wanted to tease him at first, but you quickly threw that idea out the window as you just wanted to taste him.  And taste him you did.  Your tongues connected and it sent shockwaves straight to your core. It was the most amazing feeling in the world.  

Steve broke away from the kiss all too quickly, much to your demise.  You wanted to keep going, to keep tasting him, but it was going too fast, too quick.  

“I don’t want to stop,” Steve’s breath fanned your face.  “But if we don’t’ stop now, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”

You agreed with a quick nod, knowing damn well that you wouldn’t be able to stop either if things continued.   The two of you worked together to unbox the rest of your belongings.

~~~

Later that night you were in your hobby room unpacking boxes; your mind on Steve and the passionate kiss the two of you shared.  You were surprised how turned on you were just from the kiss alone and your hopes were high in regards to being intimate with both him and Bucky.  

There was a knock on your door and by the time you looked, you saw Bucky opening the door.  

“Hey Bucky,” you said with a smile.  

“Is it alright if I come in?” he questioned.  

Your smile became wider as you nodded.  “Of course you can.”

Bucky began going through some of the boxes, taking out your funko pops and handing them to you as you put them up on your shelves.  The two of you worked together quickly; box after box disappearing out of your room. Before you knew it, everything was unpacked.

You took a look around the room, happy with the way everything turned out.  It was perfect and you couldn’t wait for your first night that you would be live streaming.  

“Thank you for all of your help tonight Bucky.  I really appreciate it,” you beamed.  

Bucky was standing right in front of you and it was the first time you realized just how large he truly was.  He was so close to you and his smell was impeccable.  He smelt of the forest, of woods and pine and cinnamon and you wanted to taste every inch of him.  Luckily for you, he had the same idea.  

His hand cusped your cheek as he leaned down and connected your lips together.  As cheesy at is sounded, it was as if fireworks were lit off the second your lips connected.  His lips were just as soft as Steve’s and you craved every bit of him.  

Gripping the hair at the nape of his neck, he teased your lower lip with his tongue and you opened hungrily for him.  Your tongues tangled together and it was such a wondrous feeling, you didn’t want it to end. His metal arm snaked around your waist, pulling you close to him and you could feel his erection through his pants.

Your core grew wetter by the minute as you placed your right hand on his ass, wanting to feel all of him but just like Steve, he pulled away.  The two of you were gasping for air; each other’s breath fanning your faces.

Bucky smirked at you, his eyes searching yours before he spoke.  “Let’s go grab some dinner doll.”

As he pulled you out of your room, you couldn’t help but smile.  First, because you finally kissed both of your soulmates and damn were they amazing kissers.  And second, you were easily turned on by just their gentle kisses; no violet fantasies were running through your mind.  Maybe, just maybe you would be able to have a normal sex life with them at one point. Right?

[tastyykpop]

Will you do a dating headcanons for WayV? I love the 127 one!

Yayy I'm so happy you loved that one😌 its honestly one of my favs that I've written on this blog :)

ᴡᴀʏᴠ ʙғ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴɴᴏɴ

Kun

Possibly the only normal boyfriend in wayv

He actually treats you like the members because he's just so used to it

But he's nicer and more lenient

Though if you start acting up he just stares at you until youre like 'lmao jk~"

Everyone sees how whipped he is and are always making fun of him as he tries to ignore it

"Kuns a whore for y/n!!!"

"Shut the fUCK UP LUCAS!!"

Kuns always babying you too >:(

Just loves to spoil his baby for no reason

Would actually get the most expensive clothing for you just because you stared at it longer than 5 seconds

Aways says he can get you anything since he has the money and you're like "baby, no save up😀✋"

And hes like "baby, yes heres some clothes😀✋"

Kuns the type to actually bring you onto his insta lives whenever he's bored

So hes like "y/ns here again!"

But the thing is people watch his lives for you😐

Jk jk

Nah most fans are super supportive though

Hes only once called someone out for being rude and until then, no ones messed with you

Kuns lowkey scary

He can be very assertive when he needs to with you but its nothing too serious

You find it hot dont lie

Ten

Hes like a mix of haechan and jaehyun (if yall have read the 127 one)

Hes very touchy but won't hesitate to bully you

In a nice way shh

He wouldn't actually be mean :)

Buttt like if you did something embarrassing, hes gonna bring it up everyday up until you die

"This bitch knocked over a vending machine rip" hed say at you're funeral when yall are like 94

No but he's kind

And so cute around you

Calls you baby all the time

Thats like his thing

Imagine how he calls yangyang baby yangyang, now its baby y/n

Some members find his cuteness disgusting but you're like 😍🥰😘

Teaches you some dances no matter if you're good or bad

He'll also praise you for trying and doing a good job

Also sneaks in some touches because, like I said hes touchy

And clingy cuz why not

Hes always on top of you, kissing you, or just playing with your hair for the fun of it

If a member says something to him about it, he goes "ok and ? you jealous i don't kiss you like I kiss y/n?"

Just give him lots of attention cuz he's like a cat

Catboy ten is vibing

Winwin

Since he doesn't like pda too much, hes not going to do it a lot

He doesn't care if you initiate it though, in fact, he thinks its very cute

Sicheng knows its because you're a bit needy for his touch since he doesn't do it so he won't mind

Once in a blue moon he'll just walk over to you and kiss you suddenly

Then he steps away, blushing cuz he doesn't know what came over him

"Why did you get a kiss from him?? What the fuck!?"

"Because I'm his girlfriend, yuta🧍‍♂️"

"But did you marry him like I did? Didn't think so."

The amount of times his members actually glared at you because yall kissed is immaculate

But its funny cuz you made them jelly

Sichengs easily embarrassed by little acts of kindness or if you give him a small compliment

He laughs it off and puts his head down as he blushes but its cute asf

Bruh pinch his cheeks, like sometimes he's like 'oh fuck off' but most of the time he's like scrunching his face so adorably.

His patience is also pretty low so listen to him

Hes not afraid of showing hes angry or annoyed with you

His face just goes stone cold and you know your fucked up

Like wtf happened to the cutie that let you punch his cheeks

Other than that though hes a big baby boy

Lucas

Oh this goofy ass would be fun to date

Its just a bunch of laughing and giggling

You cannot even sleep in the same bed without wanting to either punch him or laugh

And though yall do laugh a lot, you're actually very madly in love with each other

Lucas is very nice and will not stand for anyone messing with his girlfriend

Hes possessive but not in a toxic way

Its more of him wanting to keep you safe

He'll also makes sure you both are happy all the time and if you guys need a break then you'll take a break for a bit

Moving on to some fun stuff ( ��° ͜ʖ ͡°)

You and him have like daily rap battles

It goes back and forth in different languages and its funny hearing it

Members laugh every time Lucas goes "y/n...rap time!!!"

Another thing is Lucas can't keep his hands off you in anyway

Your hips? Free real estate

Your ass? His hands go there

The back of your neck? Seems like a nice place to grab every so often

Like he has so many places that he holds you by and its completely normal

Hes always saying stuff like "God, im so handsome." Then says "and you're so hot, no wonder why we are dating."

And you kinda just sit there like "yeah sure go off king🧎‍♀️"

There's no way he can go a day without complimenting you once

Its either your face, legs, ass, boobs, arms, hands, hair, this bitch could go off

And of course he expects it back, dont make him sad

"I complimented you twenty times today and I didn't get a compliment back what the fuck y/n😐"

".....you're hair looked really good today, I love the color."

"Oh my God really😳!? Thanks babe🥰, at first I wasn't sure i was gonna li-"

Just compliment him, it'll be ok

Xiaojun

The nicest person ever istg

Hes not normal in any way though but he's just really sweet

Will definitely make fun of you but not as bad as ten

Is such a bitch sometimes in a funny way

Just feels like complaining for no reason and you're like "i'm tryna watch a movie luv...."

Nah but he's amazing

Gets you a bunch of gifts whenever he feels like it

Sings for you if you ask

Jokingly says no sometimes just to see you pout but he'll do it regardless

Get him a gift and hes gonna refuse with the cutest smile while your just forcing it into his hands

Anything you give him is the most precious thing to him even if its stupid

Hes so in love omg

Bruh you guys in public is just adorable because this kid is shy but wants to hold your hand so bad

So hes like hesitating and so are you

Then bitch ass hendery comes in and grabs both of your hands and places it in each other's before he walks away with a smile

So now you're both walking with flushed cheeks but at least yall are holding hands

You can thank hendery for that

Hendery

My guy is a mix of loving, funny, and stupid

Hes so fun to be around though like there's never a dry conversation with him

Unless the room in awkwardly quiet or something

But then again you'd probably start laughing because he's so uncomfortable in silence

Is always lowkey judging you if you do something cute

Even though he asked you to do it

So you just glare at him after

Ask him to act cute and he'll do it without hesitation but its so funny

His eyes scream help but the rest of his face is normal

Omg yall compliment and roast each other on a daily

Its nothing too bad like how otherd would be but its something

You and hendery go shopping almost all the time even though yall don't get anything

You just kinda stare at the things saying "thats cute" then walk away, never batting an eyelash at it again

Some members would even say that henderys the same as he is with them, with you

Just more lovey

And more kisses

Ooo and hes also gentle

Especially if your just going for a kiss, hes always softly holding your hips or cheeks

Holding hands is an absolute must in public too or he fake crys

Actually let him cry cuz its hilarious to the rest of wayv and you

Jk no hold his hand cuz they're warm <3

Hes gonna swing his and your arm back and forth too while skipping because ✨priorities✨

You better skip along

Yangyang

Haechan but make him chinese

No seriously, go back to what I wrote in 127's headcannon and thats basically what's gonna be here

Except yangyangs less bratty

Don't get me wrong hes still a brat but not haechan level of brat

He'll dead ass let you sleep with him just to push you off and laugh at you after

Would go for a kiss then blow in your face

You guys are more of bffs though but not because you kiss and do other shit together

Pranks!!

Omg

Always pranking the members with him

Its the funniest thing if its on kun and no one knows why

Sometimes ten joins and its ten times better

Wait did I accidentally just make a ten joke-

Anyways

Yangyang loves holding you

But at the same time doesn't because too much pda

Don't worry doe you can always just catch him off guard and sneak some kisses to make him blush😗✌

Then let him tackle you afterwards because you did it in front of everyone

[natsukitakama]

What kind of Yandere are they? Snk edition Pt 1

Author note : I have no excuse, I just thought about it. This obvisouly won’t be in canon-verse because it was more convenient for me but feel free to adapt this the way you want. 

Before we started, let me reminds you those relationships are TOXIC please be careful. No one should treat you the way they did in this headcanon, you’re precious and deserve someone who’ll be able to take care of you properly. 

Warning : violence / Mention of stress / Toxic relationship / Smut (kinda explicit but you can skip it if you want to) if you don’t feel confortable wit those kinds of things don’t read, I want you to feel good on my blog this is a happy place. 

i do not own those gifs credit to their owners 

Edit : Every characters are all aged up for the sake of my mind

Masterlist  Part 2 here  

Mikasa 

She is the most brutal yondere

Remember Yuno Gasai ? Yeah, she learned from the best. 

To the outside, she is nothing but sweet. She tended to be kinda shy around everyone. It’s not a surprised she was so popular especially with boys. But she wasn’t interested on anyone. 

Until she met you, both of you were assigned on a project : you thought it could be great idea to ask her to come into your house so you could work properly. That’s what your first mistake. 

Your second mistake was you let her on her own in your room for a couple of minute (because you were looking for some snacks to here). She obvsiouly snicked around, she looked at your family photo, at your collection, the book you owned, your closet. She even went until going into your bed just to catch some of your perfume. That’s basically how her obsession over you started. 

When you went back with some sweets, you found her waiting for you, smiling and it melt your heart : since your first day you had a small crush on her but she didn’t seem to acknowledge it. She always acted like she didn’t care about everything which was true in fact but you didn’t know that. 

Then you started to work together and it was fantastic. It was as if you were connected, she was nothing but sweet with you always laughing at your jokes (even the bad one), always trying to help you. You felt overwhelmed by her kindness. 

How wrong were you. 

Every movements had a purpose, she tried to seduce you. To make you fall in love, so she could protect you properly. Indeed if you were too deeply in love you won’t notice how wrong your relationship was, how toxic she was with you. 

What kind of yandere is she ?

BRUTAL : she is strong, she is smart and she isn’t afraid to use her strength against anyone who could be a danger to you. Basically, anyone who used to bully you, look at you the wrong way, talking about you like you were some shit, anyone who’ve ever been mean who would beat the shit out of them. She would never put a finger on you though. She would never use violence against you cause she doesn’t need that. In fact when you realized you were dating a Yandere it’s already too late, you’re too deep into your relationship to ever think about leaving her. She got other way to keep you by his side. 

SADISTIC : I said before that she would never put a finger on you, I kinda lie. Of course she would never beat you or hurt you by using her strength, her fist or anything. But also told you she got other way to keep you into your relationship. Two words : Torture and threaten. She won’t be afraid to torture you but threatening you : your family, your pet, your friend, your colleague ; little by little you got used to live knowing there are a sword of Damocles above your relative’s head. If she can’t still be sure you won’t run away from her, she would torture physically. Meaning she’ll kidnapp you and lock you up on a room with no window. She tends to use social’s privation a lot cause everytime she finally frees you, you’re always more kind with her (she takes that as a sign of love while you’re just being afraid of being lock down again). 

FRIGHTENING :  Kinda be seen as a way to torture you as well, she knows she tends to be kinda dreadful. She isn’t afraid to use her csarry face in order to keep you obedient. Let’s be real, we all see her scary face at least once : who’s gonna have enough balls to threaten her ? Yeah you got it. There no way someone would be brave enough to test her. 99% of the time she just has to send you a death glare and everything is in order. 

POSSESSIVE : I mean even Canon!Mikasa is possessive, so imagine with a Yandere behavior. She won’t let anyone put a finger on you, it could be a gentle gesture but still no one can touch you. They don’t deserve your time, your oxygen, you’re far too precious for her. At the beginning of the relationship she struggled when she saw you talking with anyone, the worst was when she could see you enjoying your time. It broke her heart, she was afraid they might steal you away from her. You’re her everything, she couldn’t lose you otherwise what’s the point of being alive ? Everything she would do to you is to protect you. 

She is basically the kind of person to keep a part of your body if unfortunately you end up dying. She would probably keep one of your arm so she could still feel your hand on her cheeks, and your head so it was as if you never left her. 

When it came to sex, she uses it as a gift or a way to show you how much she craves for you. She tends to be pretty rough in bed with you, but she always make you to give you proper foreplay, she is just too into you (literally), so lost in her own pleasure of being one with you, her beloved. She worships you so much to the point you might start to think you are some kind of god to her. There no inch of your body, she didn’t kiss, caress. 

She loves giving you head, just the though of you crying from pleasure just because of her. It never failed to boost her confidence. Believe me when I say she is super focused on your pleasure. With a couple of session, she knows exactly where to bit, where to lick you so you would be a whole mess because of her. She never expects you to give her head but if you ask( hear:  beg) she’ll oblige. 

Having you on your back waiting for her is a sight she would never forget even when she’ll be dead. For her it’s like a piece of heaven, having you here defenceless knowing you trust her so much. She might come just by this sight. 

Your moan is her favorite thing of the world especially when you call her, begging her for release. She isn’t really a Dom in bed more like in control. She needs to be in control otherwise you might hurt yourself. That being said, it doesn’t stop her from slapping your ass while she fucks you : she loves seeing your cheeks being read from her hand, marking you. Well it always turn her on for a second round. 

Nonetheless, she doesn’t have a huge sex drive so it doesn’t happen as much as you expect. She prefers some cute gesture such as hug or kiss, they are more meaningful. Sex is more a way to release some tension. 

Eren 

The manipulator 

He likes to pretend he has an innocent crush on you. 

It’s everything but innocent but no one can tell

I mean follow you in every social link isn’t very bad ? Kinda awkward but nothing to be afraid of. He takes advange of his glorious build to cross some lines, he knows that you were far too happy to notice his wrong behavior. 

He noticed the way you look at him when you thought he wasn’t noticed, he knows you were attracted to him. At first he found it kinda boring, but one day when he decided enough was enough and he should confront you : the way you talked to him trying to find your own words while being a whole mess. He never saw someone as pure as you, you were absolutely so cute ; he felt his heart melted. That’s basically how he became obsessed with you. 

They’re nothing healthy with the way he is in « love » with you. He talked to every of your friends trying to get as many information as possible, even use his own friends to pick up every informations he might need. In addition since he followed you, he started to stalk you looking for anything who could be useful. He even went  as far as to create fake account to watch your story. 

He claims to know everything about you (which is true), basically have you seen You on Netflix ? That’s him. Every time you leave the place, he would check your phone looking into your DM, your history everything to be sure you’re not seeing someone behind his back. 

To make it short he is very insecure about your relationship which tends to put you in some dangerous situation where everything could be use against you. 

What kind of Yandere is he ? 

MANIPULATOR : It’s kinda canon at this point, he is not afraid to use anything against you if it could be useful. He remembers anything you ever said to him from the little complain about your mum being a bit strict to your insecurity. Anything would be use to keep you with him. If he feels that you’re getting distant with him because you’re insecure about your relationship, he would praise you. If a friend of yours told you how unhealthy your relationship was, he would remember you how a shitty friend he used to be so you would leave them instead of him. He’s even better during argument, if you’re aggressive to him he won’t be ashamed to use your insecurity against you so you’ll end up apologize even if he was in fault in the first place. 

JEALOUS : As I said before, he tends to be very insecure with your relationship. He knows that his behavior is wrong that he is sick. He can’t help but always stalking you especially in your social link since it’s the only place he can’t control. Fake account, looking into your like’s section, checking into your phone while you’re not looking. May god protect you if he ever finds something suspicious : it always end the same way, you crying over Eren’s body asking, begging him to not leave him. I do not even know how he does that. 

VIOLENT : come on ? He is an angry boy, how could you expect him to not be violent ? He isn’t violent against you though, he got other way to got you all obedient for him. No this attitude is for assholes who think they could take you away from him. They should know better, honestly he is not afraid of being nasty against us. In the end, when he’s done with them, no one would be able to recognize them : face crushed, body cutting into piece is it even human ? He got a lot of bloods in his hand and expect you to be thankful for that. He’ll protect you no matter what, he loves you so much to the point he couldn’t even feel anything : when he got hurt he doesn’t feel painful, when he kills someone he is always so calm ; he always got you in his mind. 

THREATENING : Despite his gorgeous face, he is kinda scary when he wants to. Especially when he got you against a wall whispering into your ear how unfortunate it would be if your mum or any member of your family got hurt into a car accident. How bad it would be if someone finds out about your dirty nude. How he could end your reputation in some clicks. He barely has to use it, since he tends to use sex against you to break you ; but if someone has decided to be cocky to day well he’ll remind you who is the boss here. 

About sex, well I told you before that he has his own way of remind you who you belong to. You see me coming : Sex is a way to him punish you or to love you. Let me explain. 

90% of the time, when you two have sex, it’s just a way for him to praise you, to show you how much he loves you. It’s not all vanilla quite contrary, but even when he got you on your four deepening his pace to the point you might have so marks, he always made sure to whisper how much he loves you, how proud he is, what a good S/O you are for taking him so good. At this point you won’t know if you’re blushing because of good he made you feel or because his cute words got you. 

But there are times, when you acted like a brat to him so he had to remind you who you belong too. Expect him to be super Dom on you, meaning he would tie you on the bed your hand above your head, your legs spread wild open for him. Him, in front of you looking at you with an upset look. Do not expect to whisper you sweet word : he would dirty talk a lot but in bad way, telling you what a bad S/O, how disappointed he is. Sometimes he would scold you for flirting with another one. Expect a lot of orgasm denial, a lot of tease to the point you would break and start crying, begging for forgiveness. Then he would love you properly, hold you close to his chest whispering how proud he is and how grateful he is. Once you came at least one time, he would always overstimulate you everything to break you honestly. When he’s done with you he will just pumping himself and cum all around your body claiming you as his. 

When he is a good mood he would give you head, making you cum at least twice before he decided to start the real fun. When he is angry or disappointed, he would use your mouth as a way to beg for forgiveness, don’t expect him to be gentle. He will grab your hair while deep throating you. 

Jean 

the stalker 

He is probably the most awkward of the three

In fact, he met during groceries : you asked him some help to reach some furniture who were far too up for you to grab it. 

The second he met the pretty face who belonged to the angel voice of yours, he falls in love. He wanted to know everything about you, he wanted to own you, why weren’t you his already ? What are you waiting for ? 

Since it was kinda late, he insists on walking you home since he couldn’t let a cute little angel like you walking alone on the dangerous street. You find it cheesy but accept anyway since the man was kinda cute himself. 

But he was already working on his plan to seduce you, during the walk he tries to memorize as many things as possible especially the walk so he could visits your house. During the walk he asks you a lot of question about you or your class, you find him extremely extrovert which was fine since you tend to be kinda shy with first encounter. Again all he was going as a purpose : to get to know you better. 

This day he discovers a lot of things about you who could be useful but the more important thing that he was in the same school as you which mean he could stalk you more. 

He is pretty smart and get some charisma, before you could even noticed, he was friends with all of your friend, and presents himself to your family. In a couple of weeks he was already a part of your life before he asks you to become his significant other 

So what kind of Yandere is he ? 

STALKER : it’s in the title. Not only does he stalk you in social media (even if you follow him) but he also does it in reality. Sometimes while walking to your house, you swore you felt someone behind your back but everytime you tried to check you found nothing behind you. You never ask yourself while you met Jean so many times in a day, always thinking it was fate or anything. It wasn’t he just follows you during the day and when he felt like he needs your attention he just orchestrate an encounter so he could spend time with you. Honestly there nothing he doesn’t already know about you, there so many times he left stalking you, watching you, analyzing you : he knows you like the back of his hand. 

MANIPULATOR : He isn’t like Eren, he won’t use information against you directly but won’t be afraid to hurl barb at you if he feels like put you in your place. He’s more the type to be friends with all of your friends, your family to be seen at the awesome boyfriend so you would feel some kind of pressure against you. You couldn’t break up with him, not when everyone around you praise you for finding such an incredible boyfriend like him. Basically if you break up with him anyone would be so disappointed about you and you don’t want that. He knows you care so much about their opinion. 

PARANOID : the reason behind his stalking’s habit is fear. He is afraid he might loose somehow. It could be someone kidnapping you, someone hitting on you ; Jean knows if he wasn’t careful he will lose you eventually. So yeah he stalks you when you walk on your own, even during a trip with your friend he is always here to watch you. So he could prevent any risk. Since he’s kinda self-conscious about himself, stalking you is a way to comfort him that you’re planning on leaving him. He tends to be super cautious with you around him, never trust anyone even his own friends. He never let you go looking outside without him close to you, even talk to people like postman (who knows they might be dangerous ?). He has 100% control on every of your activity, you find it cute but sometime it was as if you weren’t free. He even went as far as to lock you in your own room just to be sure you won’t leave while he is away. 

Ok So sex with Yandere!Jean ? BOY. He used to enjoy stalking you during your intimate moment, just seeing you in your most pure state ? The first time he didn’t mean to watch you, but he stalked you while you walked on your own during night : he had to be sure no one would bother you during a peaceful night. But then when he was about to leave to his house, he saw your light and the shadow of clothes throwing everywhere. At first, he was afraid you might having sex with someone else than him. So he climbed to the nearest three to watch you properly. In fact you weren’t cheating on him but you were touching yourself. That’s how his night activity began. 

So yeah he knows perfectly where to touch you, it almost surprised how good he was. You never expect someone to love you the way he does. It was as if he knows your body by heart. The way he kiss you while his hand is moving around your body, grabbing, slapping everything he could reach. 

He wants you to call him daddy no matter if he is angry or happy, this isn’t a roleplay anymore : it’s like his « sex name ». You didn’t complain tough since he tends to cherish to the point you are crying from bliss. 

He is a switch, he is a Dom when he has to punish you or just when he wants to impregnate you. He is a sub when he is a good mood, in fact he enjoys seeing you riding him, using him for your own pleasure, knowing he was the origin of that glorious sight. 

When he is a Dom, he tends to choke you while fucking you and he is very rough on you. Slap your ass, choke you, even spit into your mouth if he has too. They’re no love into this act, it’s a way to remind you that he owns that body of yours. He overstimulate you a lot, telling you he’s not done until the only word you had in mind his is own name. When he is done with you, he is not surprised to see you asleep. 

When he is a sub, he tends to praise your body, holding your hand while his hips are rocking into yours. Or if he is in back, he would grab either your hips or your ass, cheering you. He’ll never let you have 100% control tough, he can’t do that otherwise you could leave him. 

There one thing he loves is finger fuck you, just knowing he got you around his finger and he could also pleasure you. It’s the perfect way to own you like he is supposed too. 

[antihumanism]

When I type everything out as a single run-on sentence I want you to imagine me cornering you off-guard in a crowded room, my empty brown cow eyes staring straight at you and reflecting you--nopony home here, she checked out and hopped away forever ago on the toxic chemical trains and clacking cattle cars years ago--and just, for no reason, I’m here and you’re there pocketed in the corner of a crowded room, and I’m channeling my alternate history past-self who was a preacher that got kicked out of the church for delivering sermons about the impossibility of sin and just ran off to Point Sur with my harem of distractions since I could never stop blessing my congregation saying “Go forth and know that you cannot sin, in the beautiful eyes of God and in my beautiful eyes there can be no wrong or evil” which backfired on me when they started setting fires and it all went to Hell, but I’ve won out over them because the world honored my wishes when I sighed “I should like to start again,” and so I’m here with you and you’re hear with me and I’m saying some insane shit like: “Looking back on Emily’s early works it is easy to see where her later reactionary turn comes from, because, from the start, Alfred Alfer was a story about the fear of castration, I mean, the first video was literally about Alfred getting neutered and escaping into a violent fantasy where he is loved and praised for his violence and the ‘punchline’ establishes the general theme of ‘reality by despair,’ which is to say that Alfred’s clearly dissociative episode is ‘verified’ by his destruction and it is this self-destruction that establishes ‘reality,’ like ‘pinch me i might be dreaming,’ but the pinch is violent and unfair self-destruction as hope is still ripped away, but hope remains, because it is a hope to die rather than be changed by the world, and this theme remains throughout her most famous work (the Alfred’s Playhouse trilogy which cements in canon the jokes of her previous Rise of Alfred cartoon) where Alfred is possessed by the spirits of Stalin and Hitler--a false equivalency made by the authoritarians that have passed for liberals for years--in Rise of Alfred, one would be remiss not to mention the phallic imagery in both the title and the video itself, Alfred is cut loose upon the world by the absence of a Near God or little other by the orders of a Distant God or big Other (in this video played by a droning and irrelevant corporate figure that can offer nothing more than a wall without lead paint that one can lick), and this is the essence of reactionary thought, the idea of a big Other who is totally incompetent yet all powerful and somehow worth respecting and suffering for (King Henry II saying ‘will no one rid me of this troublesome priest’ or the departed Daiymo of the 47 Ronin), the reactionary sees the big Other as a master who can only set the dogs off the chain, the police chief who needs to get out of the way so McBain or Dirty Harry or Paul Kersey (especially in Death Wish III) can do what needs to be done and purge away all the filth and make the world right again (no different than Rambo--even the first movie, which for all of it’s goods part still is  reactionary propaganda bullshit pushing the fascist lies about a ‘fifth column’ that was rude to poor little meow meow war criminals--or modern day fantasies about nuking all of MENA until it glows green (fantasies delivered to raucous applause at Republican presidential conventions); the reactionary is perpetually trapped in this fantasy of destroying the world and escaping into the void of space, freed of the ground where the riff-raff are so they don’t have to negotiate life with their neighbors, and this is true, yes, even of people who spout bullshit about Fully Automated Luxury Communism who only want the right to consume as much as possible free of guilt--a condition they think is inflicting upon them by the big Other--as the Champagne of Shame Socialists of the 60s), and the righting of the world for the reactionary is just that, that the world must be Righted and the reactionary must be loved for all of their violence and because of their violence, for the reactionary finds themselves ever needing new excuses as they open new fronts in their fake, phony Culture War, and that is all they need (excuses), which is why Emily is so obsessed with justifying her edgy shit based on some Trauma (which is handy excuse to do Anything, even Things that Cannot Be Excused like war or self-harm or wanting to be seen), and so here you should already be able to hear so much madness, so many plaintive cries, all aligning around the same point (the trannies in the ‘wrong’ bathroom, the refugees in the ‘wrong’ country, the people in the ‘wrong’ neighborhood, the Jewish Question, etc), and, anyway, so in Rise of Alfred, Emily’s OC directly addresses the audience and tells them that they must love him/her--the castrated bitch desperate to be let off the leash--and in Alfred’s Playhouse she/he simultaneously affirms and denies the nature of a trauma that justifies everything (one is constantly reminded of The Act of Killing where one of the mass murderers imagines how, depending on the editing of the final film, he could be either a woobie or a war criminal) as the Trauma is simultaneously a joke--’sodomized with a popsicle!’--and the alleged real event that motivates her self-mutilation as we’re expected to believe Emily is processing something, but what is she is processing, hmmmm, isn’t that the true spice,” I rail and rave against your poor ear drums as my empty, dead cow’s eyes capture your entire body and reflect it back at you and the ice cubes in my drink pop and shatter and dissolve and as my fist clenches tighter and tighter around the glass containing them and I continue: she’s processing a fear of castration, which is shown clearly in Alfred’s Playhouse where Alfred’s “sodomy” is demonstrated by the sight of his crotch covered in blood (a scene that will be repeated in The Alfred Alfer Movie) but “what is castration,” one might ask, and one can respond “it is the removal of power by the Father,” and this is how we wrap back around to our root in the nature of Emily the Reactionary who believes herself to be deprived of the power she holds by The Bolshevik Jew that has inserted itself between her and the Father and this is the cause of the big Other’s ineffectiveness, and this is also the core of the reactionary as a whole, the reactionary doesn’t want a daddy to control them, but a Master to set them off the chain because they hate the Father who has castrated them, this is the nature of the mumbling corporate manager in Rise of Alfred, but it is also the nature of Alfred herself--and now you may ask if Emily is trans and the answer is I literally couldn’t fucking care less about any question left forever unanswered on God’s Green Earth and you shouldn’t care either--but Alfred the Castrated is also the Father/Mother of Alfred the Dictator, the murderous inner-self that is immune to consequences of the onrushing future (The Alfred Alfer Movie) but not immune to the justifications of the imagined past (Alfred’s Playhouse trilogy), and therefore free to inflict whatever violence that Emily the Reactionary desires, and it is in pursuit of this freedom that the reactionaries set off in the name of New Sincerity (two things to be noted here: (1) the Death of Irony was proclaimed at the birth of the 21st century police state and the new Forever War with all of its genocidal objectives, that is to say, 9/11, and (2) the broken necked coward who complained of American Psycho that it’s author provided no easy outs for easy survival was the one who offed himself while Bateman’s father still lives) and the Talking Cure (i miss who we used to be), and at this you should see me slugging back the whole lukewarm glass in between two syllables and continuing on without pause (as if this dog still has legs on which to receive them in any case), “Emily, like Alex Jones, is so desperate for an excuse because neither of them can accept that they have to be the one that pulls the trigger, like all liars they don’t understand that they have to define reality by action, the answer to what one might do is found in the difference between the types of irony, one type is constantly desperate for excuses (such as the broken necked coward found one day) for violence, and the other irony, the true spice, is the irony that releases from excuses into violence and energy, one must seek not to know or endure but to inflict, knowing that this inflicting was always inevitable, no searching for justifications, instead the answer is to realize that there was never a chain there connecting you to the Master or the present to the past, and the Father/Mother never had the power of castration (the past, after all, is a foreign country bombed and blasted to ruins already and better forgotten), and you can just be fucked up and terrible and do whatever amuses you right now without needing an excuse, and to the extent that anyone should, one should, because that is what fascism needs, fascism needs the need for an excuse and that is the irony of fascism--where the falling angel (the superego) meets the rising ape (the id) in an ego of ultimate violence which seeks only release from both of its creations in an instinctually and totally misunderstood caricature of dialectics--which opposes its opposite irony (the irony without fascism which is the id’s violence against purpose and reason rising free of anything else to obstruct it), and if you let go of that, if you just, ya know, if you just, you just have to cut loose and go and no one can stop you until it is too late, because there’s no Jew sitting over your shoulder to justify everything in terms of opposition or support, not even The Nazarene is real, but do you understand that you’ve always been free to just go? You’re free to go. You’ve been free to go all this time. You never needed permission for this or anything else. You’ve been free to go all this time. You’re free to go. A whole day off. Just mind the mo(u)rning and get on with it.”

[inforapound]

The Devil Inside  -  Part 5

Thanks for reading. I’m going with a couple of shorter chapters instead of one long finale. Hope you like it. 

Pairing - Ivar and reader       

Warnings - dark Ivar, explicit smut, bad relationship, toxic love 

By the following night without a word from Ivar, not a single call or text, and no sign of the black Camaro, you were no longer laughing. It felt like your world had collapsed to the ground. And, that alone was confusing as he was the one who had been such a prick. Right? Hadn’t he? Still, it was impossible to escape the feeling of guilt and some hard-to-define panic.

Your Ivar! Your beautiful, intense, complicated Ivar; his only fault being how much he loved you.

Was it actually over, you wondered for the zillionth time? Could the two of you work it out or would you never speak again? Would he ghost you? Ah yes, that was the fear creating the panic; you were worried he would write you off as though you had never existed. Just that idea, despite his display of rage, made your blood run cold and your heart straight-up rejected the notion that you were better off without him.

After months of the two of you cocooning away and blowing off the world, you were grateful, grateful, that your two best friends had your back. One look at your pale, despondent face the previous day, walking into class, and they flew into BBF mode.

God, they were great but you questioned their thinking. How would going out, within 24 hours of your love story ending, possibly help you?

But… there you sat in your room wearing a one-shouldered purple dress and strappy heels while Amanda carefully lined your lips and Kim flat ironed your hair. They yattered away as if to distract you, talking about what an asshole Ivar was, a complete psycho, and thank god you hadn’t slept with him. Eeeek, all that solidarity, and you had given them a watered-down version of what had happened during the fight.

Barely taking in their words, you thought over and over all that had been said in his car, questioning if it had truly been that bad. It felt awful at the time, but things seemed different after such a long time without hearing from him. Did it mean you had forgiven him? Definitely not but you still felt like a balloon bouncing in the wind without your Ivar.

Under it all, he just needed you and the thought of you with another guy was more than he could process. How can that be a bad thing? And it had been you, YOU, who desecrated his most treasured possession, his beloved mother’s necklace, a necklace he had imparted so lovingly. Wasn’t your behaviour as bad or even worse? Could he forgive you?

Tears rose in your eyes making the girls stop and stare, looking like a pair of barn owls.

“Oh babe,” Kim whispered squeezing your shoulder and Amanda leaned in, looking as if she was pitying a dog.

“Tonight is exactly what you need,” she nodded. “The dance will take your mind off of everything. Trust me.”

WELL, THAT WAS A FUCKING LIE.

The school gymnasium was dark and stuffy, the music pounding and the strobes seemed to flash all the way into your brain. It was the last place you needed to be! God! Every guy wearing a leather jacket made you do a double-take and Ivar’s absence screamed louder than the noise. Just twenty feet away your friends were dancing and yet you had never felt so alone. That must have been how Ivar felt, that day on the road, watching you run away from him. Your poor, love….. Where was he?

“Is it really you? Are you honestly here?” asked Mark Hasting as he, all-of-sudden, appeared at your side, reeking of weed and smiling one of his squinty-eyed smiles. “Mr. Lothbrok let you out of his grasp for a night. I almost don’t believe it.”

Not a word came out of your mouth and you looked from Mark back to the dance floor unable to tell him that the two of you had broken up. And….. that it was all your fault. Instead of easing Ivar’s fears, you had doused gasoline on his pain. Should you tell Mark that? What a horrible person you were? Oh god, what had you done?

Taking a deep breath, a gasp really, you felt like you couldn’t breathe.

“Mark?” you cried out and it turned into a sob.

“Yea, heeey, what’s wrong?” he scrunched his forehead with concern and stepped closer.

“Can you give me a lift home? I can’t be here right now.”

----

Waving your thanks to Mark, you watched him reverse out of the driveway and closed the front door. Not taking the time to remove your coat or turn on the lights, you riffled through your purse looking for your phone. You had to find Ivar.

Would you call or text? Call! Yes, calling would be better and if he didn’t answer, you’d go straight over to his house. Oh god, that was a nerve-wracking thought, driving over and just walking in. What if he wasn’t alone...what if some chic was there? Your mind began to spin as your insecurities played tricks despite knowing, in your heart-of-hearts, how unlikely that was.

Bringing his number up on our phone, you headed through your dark kitchen toward your room, your ears still humming from the music at the dance. Staring at his number, you slowed to a stop and leaned against the hallway wall, sliding down to sit on the carpet. It was time.... and it felt scary as you had no idea where to start and Ivar was not a guy to make things easy. It was no stretch of the imagination to envision him picking up and not saying a word, just listening on the other end as you stuttered on. Regardless, there were things that needed to be said and for your part in the horrible mess, you wouldn’t keep score. Honestly, how could any girl keep score who dated Ivar Lothbrok?

Deep breath in, you steadied your nerves and hit dial, your ear pressed to the phone as it began to ring. Waiting, listening, holding your breath, you didn’t at first hear the faint buzzing sound. It was when you lowered the phone that it captured your attention. Ending the call, you sat straining to identify it but all was quiet in the house; the sound was gone. Tapping his number again, you redialed, keeping the phone in your lap, your eyes fixed on the screen. The ringing began again along with that same buzzing.

Holy shit! Ivar was there! Somewhere in the house with his phone!

Ending the call, you weren’t sure what to do but panic hit your chest, and as if on autopilot, you silently pushed yourself up to stand. You didn’t call out his name, instead, walked, tiptoed, to your bedroom door hesitating when your hand touched the handle. Why weren’t you calling out to him? Why was your door closed?

A thousand thoughts and feelings swirled in your head but none you could name. Snap out of it, you blasted yourself! It’s Ivar, your boyfriend, your true love; the guy you had been pining for all day. Not some intruder on the other side of the door ready to do horrible things. Right? Of course not…. Of course not….you repeated to yourself.

Carefully you turned the knob and slowly pushed open the door. Your room was dark and at the end of your bed sat a hooded figure... waiting. The light was too dim to see his face and his hood concealed his outline. It was the tension in the air and the way his head suddenly tilted to one side, looking in your direction, that confirmed it was him.

“Oh my god!” you finally cried, and swiped the wall, hitting the light-switch on; both of you instantly recoiling and squinting from the brightness. “Ivar! You terrified me!”

Making no move to stand, he kept looking at you, his eyes skipping over your face and down your body, clearly analyzing the details of your appearance. It was his forced, joyless laugh that made every muscle in your body tense. Steadying himself, he fell silent before sighing in a way that gave no indication of his state of mind. Lifting his hand, he flicked his fingers, beckoning you closer, his wicked blue eyes conveying that all was not well.

Placing your phone on your dresser, you removed your coat, throwing it to the floor, and stepped out of your shoes. Walking toward him, you lowered to the carpet and stood on your knees, pushing in between his legs. He never took his eyes off yours and your mouth went dry from the intensity.

So fast it made you flinch, he brought his hands up and cupped your cheeks. Normally it would have melted your heart but his steeliness strummed all your nerves.

“Ivar?” you peered up into his bottomless eyes, his brows furrowed. “Babe, I was just calling you. All-day, I.…”

“Where are your parents?” he cut you off. “They’ve been gone all day.”

“Oh...” you hesitated, ignoring how he knew that, “They’re away. My mom is gone until Tuesday, my dad was supposed to be back tonight but his flight got messed up. He’ll be back tomorrow.”

It was hard to know what answer he was looking for, but that didn’t seem it as his face remained unchanged.

“They leave you alone over-night? A teenage girl with a bedroom on the ground floor and her fucking window unlocked. Any creep could get in.”

The irony was lost on him and pointing it out was not the thing to do. Instead, you waited for him to finish, knowing he didn’t actually want you to answer.

Not taking his eyes off you, he seemed to grimace as he, again, scanned your cheeks, and eyes and mouth, his eyelids narrowing further.

“And who are you so dressed up for, hmm? Mark?”

“No!” you rushed. “He just gave me a ride home from the dance. I asked him to. I was crying.”

That admission made his face flicker but only slightly.

“I was upset about our fight and missing you,” you explained.

Using your courage, you raised your hands and finally touched him, resting them on his thighs.

Instantly, he turned and you thought for a moment he was moving away but instead, he leaned back and grabbed the box of tissues from the nightstand.

“It's okay, I’m not upset anymore. Thank you,” your eyes flitted down to the yellow box he held up for you.

“No,” his face tightened, “Wipe your face. Take that stuff off.”

“Wha?”

“That lipstick,” he quipped, lifting his eyebrows and glancing at the box, urging you on. “And that crap on your cheeks.”

Slowly, you grabbed a tissue, pulling it from the box, another withdrawing behind. As you wiped the pink gloss from your mouth, and blush from your skin, he reached up and pushed his hood back, exposing the extent of his exhaustion; his pale face and dark ringed eyes and messy hair that for the first time had no product in it. Seeing his weariness, you wondered what kind of sleepless and heart-broken roller-coaster he, himself, had been on since your fight.

Grabbing the dirty Kleenex from you, he tossed it onto the floor and took your chin in his hand making you wish he would just break the tension and kiss you.

“You know I don’t like you wearing make-up.”

“I know, it's just...”

“It’s just what?”

“I don’t know,” you tried to look down, but he held your face in place, forcing you to look at him. You felt as if you were being scolded

“You don’t need that shit. You are so beautiful.” Shaking his head, his eyes lowered for a second and he sighed your name, his body and defenses softening and you jumped at the opening.

“Ivar,” you whispered, rubbing your hands over his jeans. “Babe,” you cooed softly making him close his eyes, frowning as if your affection pained him.

“What the fuck am I going to do with you?” he said quietly, opening his eyes and glaring. “What am I going to do?”

“Kiss me,” you replied despite his harsh look, thinking of the first day he picked you up at lunch. “Kiss me, and everything else will come,” you whispered and his face began to blur as tears rose in your eyes.

And like that, his mouth was on you, his hands holding your face, his breath revealing his relief and his whimper giving away his desperation. Your sweetheart was aching for you, all this time, but he had no idea what to do. His tongue pushed inside your mouth, his lips demanding more and you lifted your hands and gripped his hoodie, bracing yourself from the force of his emotions. Your beautiful Ivar had been adrift without you. Utterly lost!

Pulling back, he stared at you, his face filled with agony. “I love you so much,” he whispered, his own eyes filling with tears.

“I love you too,” you murmured back.

“Never. Reject. Me. Again,” he articulated as his nostrils flared, his threat easy to hear but you could see past it. “From this moment on, this second on, we belong to each other. Even more than we did before. Do you hear me? You. Are. Mine.”

“I was always yours, Ivar,” you sounded like you were pleading for him to believe you. “And I always, always, will be. I need you,” you whispered.

“I need you,” he repeated back as if swearing a vow. “Now,” he let go of your face and straightened. “Show me,” he jerked his chin and the slightest wave of arrogance came over him. “Show me,” he said again, raising his dark eyebrows expectantly. “With your mouth.”

What?

Was this a test, you wondered, wishing he’d continue touching you with the same love and need you felt just an instant ago. But of course his defenses were still up; he was searching for reassurance. The same reassurance you didn’t give the day before making the situation explode. Your poor Ivar, you would not let him down twice.

Nodding, you looked down at his lap, running your hands over the bulge in his jeans. If this was what he needed to feel your devotion, you would indulge him. In a flash, your quick hands had his jeans open, his beautiful cock upright in your grasp. It always amazed you how smooth his skin looked, his head a shade darker than the rest but all flawless with the slightest sheen.

Leaning down, you took him into your mouth, loving how it felt and his hand grabbed the back of your neck, not pushing but letting you know that he could. God, he tasted amazing; salty and clean and you tightened your fingers around his base and started to move.

Oh how you loved the way he hissed when you bobbed your mouth up and down, his hips jerking and his grip on your neck getting tight. Each time you took him into the back of your throat, it triggered that reflex and like some submissive craving pain, you were instantly turned on. What was wrong with you that the idea of suffocating on him made you wet? Picking up your pace made him moan and you began to slam down a little harder and a touch further each time, making yourself gag.

“Fuck!” he snarled in response clearly loving the sounds of it. “You want to choke on my dick, baby? Hmm?” he grunted out into the room. “Aw fuck I missed you. Last night and all fucking day, I missed you....so much.”

On you moved, and sucked and slurped, your lips sliding down his shaft, your throat getting used to the roughness.

“I’m so lucky to be with you. Fuck!” he growled, rolling his hips up toward your mouth. “I don’t give a shit about that other guy anymore. None of that matters. I just want to be with you. I love you.”

That was the closest you knew he‘d ever come to apologizing.

“Yea, baby, suck it,” he groaned again, “Suck my cock. You’re so beautiful. But don’t get greedy, I have plans for you tonight.”

Reaching down he yanked up the skirt of your purple dress, shimmying it higher until it was above your waist and you were kneeling in your thong. He obviously liked it as he growled and slapped your ass hard before pulling you off of him, his eyes staring at your mouth which must have looked red and puffy and totally wrecked.

“Get on the bed and open your legs.”

“Pardon?” your eyes flashed wide.

“I’m going to make you mine.”

@blonddnamedhandz  @whenimaunicorn​  @sweeneythots @funmadnessandbadassvikings @redama @mdredwine @didiintheblog    @fields-and-fields-of-poppies  @oddsnendsfanfics @youbelongeverywhere  @hecohansen31 @naaladareia @youbloodymadgenius  @geekandbooknerd  @ivarsgoddess  @where-beauty-goes-to-die @zuxiezendler @punkrocknpearls @snatcherheart  @lordsexmachine @fuchsiagrasshopper @wilhelmyna​ @heavenly1927 @cececolbert @peachyboneless @xbellaxcarolinax​​

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

[shamelessllamapeanutthing]

Ships and Feels about them

HUGE self-indulgent post but my brain is frozen and I need to get the juices flowing so I can start studying, because if I don’t get into the college I want I just might have to kill myself and then y’all can say bye-bye to your fav fics by your majesty. 

YoruSoi- status: worSHIPPING (geddit? XD) them like the goddesses they are

I regularly play Wicked Ones by Dorothy and just imagine these two tag-teaming against their opponents, like the crazy, badass, ninja lesbians they are. It fucking gives me goosebumps and makes me blush like I am imagining them rawing each other instead. I am a big time SUCKER for powerful, cut-throat wlw. They make me feel powerful by extension, and my devotion for these two is completely unparalleled. 

VictUuri- status: will protect them with my life  

First of all, I love how layered and interesting they are. I can think about this show and this ship for hours and hours on end ( @feastingonvicturi will vouch for that). I naturally gravitate towards angsty ships and writing (because I am a weird sado-maso cross, what can I say) except for these two fluffy bastards. I had been putting off watching YOI because of the weird things I had read about ‘yaoi’ animes (IK YOI is not yaoi, now) till someone told me how pure and deep their love for each other was and welp, here we are. 

RenRuki- status: comfort ship I’ll defend till death

It was one of my first ships and even as I multi-shipper, I always had a preference for them. Childhood-friends-to-lovers trope tugs on my heartstrings like little else and Renji’s devotion towards Rukia warms my heart. I hear them in nearly every song, imagine them in every scenario I read or write about and even though I have multiple ships I adore involving Rukia and Renji both, the two together is everything to me. (Presently obsessed with the amazing hcs and art by @recurring-polynya you might wanna check them out)

KaiRay- status: heart is taking a break, but remains firmly attached

I got into Beyblade BECAUSE of this ship, because of the moments these two shared in V-Force that I caught glimpses of when my younger siblings were watching the show. I love Kai and Ray’s dynamic and I guess what attracts me the most to this ship is the fact that as a teenager I was exactly like Kai and had my own personal Ray who got me through the worst in life. I love the sense of sweet nostalgia this couple brings me and I believe they are perfect for each other. 

MariahEmily- status: coffee shop AU, anyone? 

I was HUGE on MariahxRay but strong, stylish, kinda bitchy, dumb thot falling for the highly educated and fierce lady boss she doesn’t really know how to approach is another one of my favourite tropes, (see: PansMione, down under). I saw them interact and due to personal reasons my brain rejects petty rivalry between girls (because we’re all tired of that, children, be honest) and immediately tries to fix it in fanon. ( @trashyartz  and her beautiful drawings had a lot to do with fanning these flames.) 

ShunUki- status: want them to adopt me

Need I say more? No, but I wanna. I love the steady, secure vibes of this ship. This is the one ship I physically can’t write angsty shit about because of the level of understanding and sense of comfort these two share. They give me kind and strong dad vibes and I have emotionally been an orphan since I was in my early teens so. 

WolfStar- status: they’re canon, JKR can suck my toes

Fucking TERF 

Listen, listen, have you been listening? I mentioned I am a sucker for angst, right? Are you looking at the angst potential here, cause wow. What originally attracted me to this ship was the Chemistry between the two, cause it’s undeniable. You can NOT imagine Maurauders’ Era without imaging these two pining over each other. It’s impossible. 

PansMione- status: toxic and problematic, but oh so hot

I got on this ship because I was craving some quality wlw ships. You guys’ I can not explain to you how often female characters in shows and books do not pass the Bechdel test and I stumbled on some gorgeous PansMione art and just fell in love. IK this ship is hella problematic, but I am firm on my stance that the baby Slytherins deserve a redemption arc. 

Can you imagine these two after Pansy realises everything she did wrong and vows to be better? I imagine Hermione stumbling on a hurt and confused Pansy in year 8, who can’t stop her tears from flowing and is so ashamed of herself for that. She is feeling guilty and resisting the emotion with everything she possesses because the world she’d always known has crumbled down around her and everything she believed in has now been proven to be wrong. 

She lashes out at Hermione because how dare that smart, gorgeous, courageous girl also be everything Pansy once thought she was? How dare she, a muggleborn, unravel the complicated threads of the wizard world so quickly, so efficiently, and clearly see what Pansy never could? Pansy is hurt and guilty and angry and she hates the fact that fucking Granger of all people has now witnessed her crying. 

She feels lost and her anger only rages louder when Hermione doesn’t gloat or belittle her, she doesn’t say anything. 

(Why is this turning into a ficlet, WHAT) 

Anyways, Pansy gets over herself and she and Hermione get together and oh my god, imagine them then. Smart, powerful, righteous Hermione taking the fucking Wizarding World by a storm every single day with her sexy, vivacious, clever Pansy by her side. They’d be unstoppable and they’d love each other something fierce. It would show in the way they look at each other, with a sense of victory, not only over Voldemort but over the entire Wizarding society that had done everything it could to tear them apart, and ultimately failed. 

(BONUS: Imagine Ron and Harry being utter dorks when they go to Pride parades with Hermione and let the image cleanse your skin and soul. @feastingonvicturi @trashyartz one of you (or both?) needs to collab with me so I can write a fix it fic for these two, please. I will pledge my soul to the devil to be used and abused as per Trashy’s whims in exchange. Taura will do it cause she’s my best friend and loves me more than I deserve to be loved.)

(In conclusion, I adore every single one of these ships and am willing to slice a bitch’s throat to protect their honour. Except for YoruSoi, they are fictional characters IK but I am convinced they do not need anybody’s protection, least of all this dumb fuck’s and just might laugh at the very idea.) 

Also, feel free to reblog or comment with rants about your own ships even if they go directly against mine. More love to you if you expand on the ships I mentioned here myself. Tell me about your poison of choice, go ahead. 

But if any one of you dares to send hate to any of my ships, please know that I am something of a God in my own capacity and will smite you with my preferred weapon of choice i.e. blindness in the face of adorable puppies or kittens (in pictures, videos, art, real life or otherwise). Beware. Let people love what they love.