#God that actor was so chillingly good

[nirahsaooc]

Good luck to you in your holy cause Captain Sheridan. May your choices have better results than mine. 

Remembered not as a messenger. Remembered not as a reformer, not as a Prophet, not as a Hero. 

Not even...as Sebastian.”

Remembered only... as Jack.

[hellzabeth]

i have opinions about The Prince of Egypt musical adaption and you’re going to listen to them: An Essay

So, quick disclaimer: The Prince of Egypt is one of my favourite movies of all time. The casting, the music, the animation, I think it’s one of the top-tier movies that have ever been made. I went into seeing the London West End production of PoE with a full expectation that nothing I saw on stage would ever live up to how much I love the movie. I was fully aware there are plenty of limitations to what can be shown live on a stage with human actors and props.

That being said, I was enormously disappointed with how the whole thing was handled.

The Good

Now before I launch into a whole tirade of what I didn’t like about the production, it does behoove me to say what I think they did do well. 


The casting of the role of Moses was done fantastically, as was Miriam, Tzipporah, and Yocheved. The swings and the ensemble were really engaged and well placed, going through lots of quick changes to go from Hebrews to Egyptians to Midianites and back.


The two Egyptian queens, wifes of Seti and Ramses, are actually given names, lines, and character beyond being simply tacked onto their respective kings. We get to see how they feel about the events happening around them, and there’s even a scene where Ramses meets his wife and courts her, whereas in the movie, she stands in the background and says nothing. This is one of the areas I was hoping the musical, which would naturally have a longer run-time, would expand on, and I was pleased to see the opportunity was taken.

Light projections on enormous curtains were used to very good effect, taking us instantly inside the walls of the palace and then out to the desert. 


Over all, the work was really put in to be engaging and emotional, and the orchestra really worked to deliver the right musical beats.


One of two stand out scenes as being done very well was the opening “Deliver Us”, which included a bone-chilling moment of Egyptians separating a mother and her baby, with her screams as she’s dragged off-stage, and the blood on the guard’s sword. It really brings home the fear as Yocheved tries to lead Aaron and Miriam to the river with her, not to mention Yocheved’s actress nailed the lullaby. 


The second was at the other end of the show, “When You Believe” was beautifully performed by the whole cast, though it was somewhat stunted by what came before...

The Bad

Oh boy.

So the main problem with this show is not the music, not the staging, not even that sometimes the ensemble was a little off-beat (the lai-lai-lai section in Though Heaven’s Eyes comes to mind). Any mistakes there can all be forgiven, since sometimes things just happen in live performance, someone’s a bit off or something’s just not possible to do on the budget allotted. 


The problem is in the script.

The Prince of Egypt movie is a story that stands not only on the shoulders of its fantastic music and visuals, but also on its emotive retelling and portrayal of the characters within - mainly Moses and Ramses. And while the stage musical does spend a lot of time with the two mains, it neglects two other, incredibly important characters.

Pharaoh Seti, and God. 


In the movie, Seti strikes an intimidating figure. He is old, hardened, and wise in the ways of ruling his kingdom - and is voiced by Patrick Stewart, who brings his A-game to the role. Both Moses and Ramses admire him and look up to him immensely as young men, and the relationship he has with both of them deeply informs their characters as the story progresses. It’s from Seti that Moses learns that taking responsibility for your actions is the respectable thing to do (and later, the true horror of having your idol turn out to be not what you think), and it’s from Seti that Ramses takes a huge inferiority complex.

There are two lines that Seti gets in the movie, one spoken to Moses, and one to Ramses. These two lines define Moses and Ramses’ actions later on in the story:

To Ramses - “One weak link can break the chain of a mighty dynasty!” To Moses - “Oh my son... they were only slaves.”

Guess which two lines are absent from the musical?

One Weak Link is turned into an upbeat song, rather than shouted at a terrified and cowed young Ramses. Instead of being openly a traumatic, internalised moment of negative character development for Ramses, it’s treated as a general philosophy that Seti passes down to his son. Instead of a judgement that is hung over Ramses’ head like a sword of Damocles, lingering in his mind through the whole story and coming up in a shouted argument with Moses later, it’s said and then moved on from. 


The “they were only slaves” comment, on the other hand, is absent entirely. This changes Moses’ relationship with Seti enormously, as well as his relationship with the Hebrew people. Upon finding the mural depicting the killing of the slave children, Moses is appropriately horrified, and Seti shows up to comfort him and defend his terrible actions. Moses leaves this interaction... and then sings about how this is indeed all he ever wanted! He has no moment of horrific realisation that his father thinks of the slaves as lesser, as lives that can be thrown away. This means that the scene where he kills the guard doesn’t lead into a discussion of morality with Ramses as he runs away, but rather Moses breaking down about his heritage as though it’s a negative, instead of something he’s realised is just as valuable as his life as an Egyptian. Instead of Moses being shown as having a strong moral core that protests against the idea of any life being lesser, he bemoans his Hebrew blood loudly, and makes little mention of the man he killed. His issue that causes him to run away is being adopted, rather than his guilt that he’s a murderer, and nothing Ramses can say will change it.

Later on, we don’t see Ramses express this opinion either (in the movie - M:”Seti’s hands bore the blood of thousands of children!” R:“Hah, slaves!” M:“My people!”) so it seems the core reasoning for the necessity of the extremes God had to go to in order to convince Ramses to let the Hebrews go is completely gone.

Which leads us into God Himself, as a character. 


God is a tricky topic in general. He is hard to talk about as a concept and as a character, and even harder to depict in a way that won’t offend someone. The Prince of Egypt movie always struck me as a very good depiction of the Old Testament God - vengeful and strong-willed, commanding and yet nurturing, capable of great mercy and great cruelty in one fell swoop. God is incredibly present in the story, a character in and of Himself, speaking with Moses rather than simply commanding him. The conversation at the Burning Bush is bone-chillingly beautiful. Moses is allowed to question, he’s allowed to enquire, he’s allowed to express how he feels about God’s choice, and God is given the chance to respond (and reprimand, and comfort).

In the musical, the Burning Bush scene lasts all of two minutes, during which God (the ensemble cast, acting as one moving flame, speaking in unison) monologues to Moses, and Moses is not given room to question, talk to, or build a relationship with God. Later on, once some of the plagues have gotten underway, Moses rails against God, flinches in his resolve, and tries to back out... and God says nothing. It’s Miriam and the spirit of Yocheved that convince Moses to keep going. As a character, God is nearly absent. Even when it comes to calling upon the Plagues, or parting the Red Sea, God’s voice is absent. Moses does not pray. He does not even use the staff that God encouraged him to pick up as a symbol of his becoming a shepherd of the Hebrews out of Egypt. 


It’s these little changes, these little absences of such vital lines and presences, that ends up changing the whole vibe of the show. Seti is more like a dad than an emotionally distant authority figure, and God is more like an emotionally distant authority figure than a character at all. Ultimately, the whole feeling that one is left with at the end…

The Ugly

… is that the script doesn’t like God, or religion in general.

A bold statement to make, considering the source material is one of the central biblical stories in EVERY Abrahamic religion. Moses as a figure is considered so important and close to god, that The Prince of Egypt, even with its sensitive portrayal, cannot be aired in a number of Islamic states, because it’s considered disrespectful to depict any of the prophets, especially an important one like Moses. Moses is arguably the MOST important prophet in the Jewish canon.

However, I haven’t highlighted one of the most noticeable script changes - the elevation of Hotep, the high priest, to main antagonist.

In the original movie, Hotep is a secondary villain, a crony to the Pharaohs, bumbling and snide and two-faced. He and his fellow priest Hoy are there primarily to juxtapose how charlatans can control power through flattery and slight of hand, reassuring Ramses that Moses’ miracles are merely magic the same as what they can do. They even get a whole villain song, “Playing With The Big Boys” which is a lovely deconstruction of lyrics vs visuals, where while the priests boast that their gods and magic are much more powerful, in the background the staff, transformed into a snake by god, devours and defeats the priests’ snake handily. The takeaway from the song is that God’s power is true, and doesn’t need theatrics.

It’s a good little nugget of wordless world building. And it is completely absent from the stage musical, with only a vague reference to the chant of all the gods names.

Hoy is gone, and Hotep is the only priest. He actively speaks out against the Pharaoh, boasts about having all the power, and is played as bombastic and proud. He’s a wildly different character, even threatening Ramses at one point. In the end, it’s shown that Ramses won’t let the Hebrews go not because he has inherited his father Seti’s cruel attitude towards the lives he considers beneath him, but because he is being actively bullied by the priest, and will lose his power and credibility if he doesn’t do as he’s told. Ramses is even given a whole song about how little power he really has. The script desperately wants us to feel sorry for Ramses’ position and hate the unrepentantly, cartoonishly evil priest.

That’s another matter as well - a LOT of time is dedicated to making the Egyptians more human and sympathetic, portraying them as largely ignorant of the suffering beneath them, rather than actively participating in slavery. Characters speak out of turn without regard for formality and class, even to the royal family. They are casual, chummy even. And this would be fine - in fact, it’s good to have that sort of third dimension to characters, even ones who are doing reprehensible things, to show the total normalcy and banality of evil - if it were not for the fact they still include a completely open-and-shut case of evil right next to them.

Hotep has no redeeming features. And on the other side, God is barely present, certainly not in a relatable context. Moses has several lines about how cruel and unnecessary God’s plagues are - and you know what, in this version, they are unnecessary! Ramses is not the stone-hearted ruler that his movie counterpart is, he has no baggage over being a potential failure, because it was never really given to him in the same way! By taking away Ramses’ threatening nature, numbers like the Plagues lose half their appeal, as the back-and-forth ‘you who I called brother’ lines between Moses and Ramses are completely absent. Moses is faithless, and is less torn between the horror of what he’s doing and the necessity of it for the freedom of his people, and more left scrabbling for meaning that he doesn’t find. And the only thing hanging over Ramses is Hotep nit-picking everything he does and threatening him, which is considerably less compelling than the script seems to think it is.

This is best exemplified at the end, when all the issues come to a head. The angel of Death comes and takes the Egyptian first borns (which was actually a well done scene), and the Hebrews leave to a rousing rendition of When You Believe. But then we cut to Ramses and Hotep, with Hotep openly threatening to revolt against the Pharaoh - whom was believed, especially by the priesthood, to be a living god! Hotep is so devoid of redeeming features he cannot even be trusted to stand by his beliefs! - unless Ramses agrees to chase after the Hebrews. Reluctantly, Ramses is badgered into the attempt.

Back with the Hebrews, Moses parts the Red Sea… not with his faith, not by praying to God for another miracle, not even by using his staff as in the most famous scene of the movie… but by holding out his hand and demanding the ‘magic’ work. Setting aside the disrespect of Abrahamic religions to call one of the most famous miracles “magic” (and my oh my, if there was a fundamentalist of any religion in the audience they might have gasped to hear it), it again belittles the work of God, and puts all the onus on Moses, not as a conduit for God’s work, but as the worker himself. Then, the Egyptians arrive in pursuit, lead by Hotep, not Ramses. Moses sends the Hebrews through first, lead by Miriam, and stays behind with Tzipporah… to offer his life in penance to Ramses! The script has completely stripped both Ramses and Moses of their convictions towards their causes, and Moses cannot even stand by his decision to lead his people.

Then, in a moment of jarring melodrama, Moses has a sudden vision that Ramses, his brother, will one day be called Ramses the Great (an actual historical Pharaoh who reigned 1279-1213 BCE). There is no historical evidence that this was the Ramses that ruled over the Hebrews (there are 11 Pharaohs called Ramses through the history of Ancient Egypt), and maybe if the scene was acted a little better, it wouldn’t have been so sudden or jarring. Even more jarring, is that then Hotep arrives with the rest of the army, and Ramses refuses to lead the charge into the parted sea. Hotep does so himself, and is the one to have the final dramatic moment, being crushed under the water.

The Takeaway

After watching the show, I’m afraid I could never recommend it as either a play, an adaption, or even as a faithful retelling of a bible story. Its character drama isn’t compelling enough to be good as a standalone play, with it two main characters declawed and their core motivations reduced to a squabble between brothers rather than a grand interplay between two cultures and ideas and trauma handed down from their father. As an adaption of the movie it’s upsettingly bad, with grand numbers like the Plagues rendered piecemeal and fan favourites like Playing With The Big Boys missing entirely. As a retelling of the bible story, it’s insulting, completely cutting God out of the equation, taking no opportunity to reintroduce Aaron as an important character (which he was, in the bible, as Moses was a notoriously bad public speaker, with a stutter, and Aaron often interpreted for him) and more importantly, completely erasing God’s influence from the narrative.

I don’t know who this show was… for, in that case. If it wasn’t for drama lovers, movie fans, or people of the faith, then who the hell was it for? Why change such a critically acclaimed and well-beloved story? Why take away all these defining moments? If you wanted to tell a story about how religion is the true evil, how God can command people to do terrible things, and how those who uphold organised religion like Hotep are unrepentant, one-dimensional monsters… why would you tell that through the Prince of Egypt?

Underwhelming at best, infuriating at worst… just watch the movie. Or read Exodus. At least the Bible’s free.

[about-faces]

The director Joel Schumacher has passed away, and everyone's reactions have boiled down to two topics: 1.) "He was the guy who made the bad Batman films," and 2.) "Hey, he did lots of great films besides the bad Batman films!"

Thing is... I get it. I remember being a teenage comic fan in the 90's. Not just any comics: especially Batman! But ESPECIALLY Bart especially Two-Face. I remember how "Joel Schumacher" was a name that could invoke white-hot rage in myself and everyone in the fandom. He was our modern equivalent of Dr. Fredrick Wertham, the boogyman who had (far as we were concerned) single-handedly destroyed the mainstream credibility of superheroes.

Look at that picture, and try to imagine that this was the face so loathed and mocked by Batman fanboys in the 90′s.

Never mind that Schumacher didn't WRITE the Batman films. The main credit for that goes to Akiva Goldsman, who has gone on to win an Oscar and continues to find A-list success despite ruining other geek properties like Jonah Hex and Dark Tower. Never mind that Schumacher was at the mercy of producers who wanted the movies to be nothing more than merchandise machines and toy commercials. No, Schumacher was the only name associated with the films, and he was cast at the villain.

The fact that he was openly gay played no small part in making him an easy target.

One year after the disastrous release of the infamous Batman & Robin, the beloved fan-favorite cartoon Batman: The Animated Series (then rebranded as The New Batman Adventures on the WB network) produced an episode that featured a pointed jab at Schumacher. The episode was titled "Legends of the Dark Knight," a reworking of a classic 70's Batman tale where a group of kids share their own ideas of what the mysterious Batman is really like.

Halfway through the episode, the kids are overheard by another kid, who shares his own ideas about Batman. The kid, whose name is Joel, has long dirty-blond hair, and works in front of a store which bear the sign "Shoemaker," despite clearly being a department store. He waxes dreamily about the reasons he loves Batman: "All those muscles, the tight rubber armor and that flashy car. I heard it can drive up walls!"

This last line--a reference to a silly bit in Batman Forever--he says as he flamboyantly tosses a pink fur stole around his neck. To drive home the joke, one of the kids dismisses, "Yeah, sure, Joel."

At the time, it seemed like a cathartic joke for us REAL Batman fans. Now, it's clearly just cheap and gross. Instead of any actual criticism about the films, Joel Schumacher was just seen--even if just subconsciously--as the fruit who ruined Batman.

Over time, the hatred for Schumacher lessened. Starting with Blade, X-Men, and Spider-Man, on through to Batman Begins, Iron Man, and onward, superhero movies became huge mainstream successes, with greater fidelity to the source material than most adaptations we saw up to the time that Schumacher "killed" the superhero movie. There was no point in hating him anymore, if there ever was (again, Goldsman more deserves that ire, if you're gonna be angry about anyone. Why does he still get work?! WHY IS HE NOW WRITING FOR STAR TREK?!?!).

But even still, especially among Millennial and Gen-X fans, Schumacher is still--at best--considered a low point for fandom. Even though the same generations have come to appreciate and love some of his other films, such as The Lost Boys, Phone Booth, and the chillingly-prescient Falling Down, there's still this need for people to dismiss the Batman films as embarrassments that are best forgotten in favor of Schumacher's better films. And if they're to be remembered at all, it's to trash them all over again in a tone suggesting that the films are objectively, irredeemably bad.

Except they're not. Oh sure, if you go in looking for a grim and gritty capital-M "Mature" take on Batman, of course you'll hate them, just like you probably also hate the Adam West Batman show. Remember, that show also used to be hated by decades of Batman fans because of how it didn't take the comics seriously.

... except it did. The show was VERY faithful to the Batman comics of the 50's, which often out-weirded and out-sillied its TV counterpart. If anything, the show made some of those stories even more entertaining with camp value and jokes that added different levels of enjoyment to the adults watching. Comic fans resented how Batman became a pop culture joke, and increasingly fought against anything that was colorful and campy (which makes me wonder if this might also be related to latent homophobia). Whether or not they admitted/realized it, the Batman fans of the 70's and 80's carried a chip on their shoulder about a show that DARED to make Batman FUN.

And really... how is that any different than Schumacher's two films?

You don't have to agree, but I think Schumacher's films are fun. I think Batman Forever is highly entertaining, that Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey are bringing their hammy A-games as much respected actors like Burgess Meredith and Caesar Romero brought to their roles. Same goes for Arnold and especially Uma in Batman and Robin. They KNOW what movies they're in, and they're all having a blast.

(How many of us remember the exact line Eddie says at this moment? I bet you probably do too, which should tell you something about how memorable this movie is)

Now, BF and particularly B&A are by no means GOOD movies, but you can't tell me that you couldn't have a blast putting the latter on at a party and riffing it with friends. It's not a pretentious, ponderous, self-serious slog like, say, the shit Zack Snyder cranked out (apologies to the one or two cool Snyder fans here, I just find his films interminable). Even besides the many things I could say to defend Schumacher's Batman films (that's a whole other essay), you can't say they were boring. They were entertaining, even if on a level of making fun of the film, and that is NOT as easy as it looks.

Let me put it to you this way: Batman Forever has, objectively, one of the worst takes on Two-Face I've ever seen. He's one-note, he's kind of a rehash of Nicholson's Joker, he gets completely overshadowed by the Riddler, he gets killed by Batman in a way that completely betrays the whole “DON’T KILL HARVEY” arc with Robin, and worst of all, he CHEATS on the coin toss. That alone would be enough for me to condemn this depiction in any other Two-Face story.

And yet, even I--the most passionate, opinionated, and picky Two-Face fan you will EVER know--still have a soft spot for Tommy Lee Jones' take on ol' Harv. He’s just too fun, too flamboyant, too damn extra not to love. If only all bad takes on Two-Face could be this fun!

But that’s the thing: it’s not because the script was good. Oh god no. I've read the script, and if it were put on the page like a comic, I would have hated it just like any other bad Two-Face comic. I have to imagine that, as director, Joel Schumacher deserves the bulk of the credit for pushing the restrained and laconic Tommy Lee Jones into that oversized performance, and making it a delight to watch despite everything it does wrong.

I'm rare for my generation to have learned how to stop worrying and love Schumacher's Batman. But the younger generation, the up-and-coming Gen-Zs getting into Batman, don't share the same grudges we did. There's a genuine, shame-free enjoyment of those films among The Kids, many of whom are LGBTQA+, who love the jokes, the silliness, the camp, the Freeze puns, the swag of Uma Thurman, and the homoerotic subtext between Two-Face and the Riddler. Maybe it's just a reaction to so much GRIM, SERIOUS shit that DC and their fanboys are trying desperately to push even today.

But comics--especially Batman--have a long history of colorful, stupid, fun shit. Schumacher's films carried on in that tradition, and they should be appreciated on their own merits by those of us who aren't limited by narrow ideas of what Batman "should" be, and who still remember how to have fun.

Schumacher's Batman films should no longer be seen as embarrassments. They didn't ruin superheroes. They didn't ruin Batman. They didn't even ruin Two-Face. Nor should they be disregarded in favor of Falling Down, like losers in a respectability competition. They're fun. They're entertaining. And they didn't pretend to be anything else.

And if you still think they're bad... I mean, objectively, you're not wrong! But be mindful of the reasons WHY you think they're bad, because on another subjective level, you may not be right either. And it's certainly not worth holding a geek-grudge over after twenty-five years.

[whitecatindisguise]

The Sundrop Alchemist (13)

Okay, fluff time is over, time for whump and angst to take the stage.

Summary: Donella experiments with the Sundrop magic, much to Varian’s dismay. This doesn’t end well.

TW: Donella, manupulation, blood, injury.

AO3 link is here.

-----

Chapter 13: The Magic of The Sun

Varian didn’t really register the moment he fell asleep. He only knew he did, because he was harshly woken up by someone pulling him up by the arm. He yelped in pain at the handling but his oppressor didn’t even spare him a glance. He was taken out of the cell and upstairs, to the room filled with various equipment of dubious use. Before he could properly react, he was pushed onto a chair, his arms and legs strapped to it, limiting movement. He struggled against the binds but it did nothing to help. 

“Well, shall we get started, Sundrop?” The woman from yesterday, Donella, he remembered, strolled into the room, tugging on her gloves to secure them on her hands. 

“My name’s Varian.” The boy spat and she gave him a sideway glance. 

“Frankly, I don’t care. Your name could as well be Susan and it wouldn’t change the fact you are the Sundrop.” She replied, making her way towards the table against the wall. “The Sundrop I want.”

“I can’t give it to you.” Varian argued. “I was born with it. It’s stuck inside me.”

“Stuck inside your hair, to be precise.” Donella added, her back still turned to the boy. “Which, intriguingly turns black once it’s cut.”

The long-haired boy froze at that statement. How did the woman knew about this? The only ones who knew were him, Mother and…

“What did you do to Hugo?!” He growled, voice low. He didn’t quite understand why he was suddenly acting protective over the older teen. But it didn’t matter at this point. If Hugo was hurt…

“Nothing. And not like I’m planning to.” Donella replied and Varian’s angered glare turned into confusion. “Unless he gives me a reason to, that is.” She finally turned and met his puzzled gaze, staring at him for a few seconds, before a menacing grin appeared on her face. “Oh, you thought he was on your side, darling? You are really naive, to trust the person you’ve only met two days ago.”

“N-no. He… he told me everything!” Varian argued. “How you sent him to get me. How he was supposed to earn my trust. Which he did, but that’s beside the point! He didn’t want to do it, though! He was to take me back!”

“Ah, yes. Hugo was always a very convincing actor.” Donella nodded, her grin not disappearing. 

“He wasn’t lying!” The blue-eyed boy cried, but the woman only shook her head at his outburst. 

“And yet, here you are.” Donella stated and Varian froze. “Tell me, what did your precious Hugo do, when he saw you in Cyrus’ grip?” She stared at his terrified expression, marveling how realisation hit him. “Exactly. Nothing. Because the hard truth is, he doesn’t care. He never did.”

“No…” The boy whispered, head bowing and tears welling in his eyes. “That’s… he was scared. He was just scared, and that’s why-”

“Oh, darling.” Donella gently cupped his cheek, her hand moving down and suddenly gripping his chin harshly. She moved his head up to face her, menacing grin still present. “The faster you admit it, the less it will hurt.”

She suddenly released her grip and let his head fall back down, heels clipping on the floor as she strolled away. He heard the door opening and several pair of feet entered the room, one audibly struggling. He looked up and saw two thugs holding up some man unknown to Varian. Donella approached the men, smiling in a way that sent chill up everyone’s spines. 

“Ah, Ludo. I’m so glad you agreed to take part in my experiment.” She addressed the struggling man.

“P-please, boss. I didn’t mean to.” The man argued, shaking visibly. The woman smiled and tutted. 

“Well, while I’m not pleased with you losing the loot, you are still a valuable asset.” Donella replied, moving her hand through the man’s hair. 

“Oh, thank you, thank you!” The man, Ludo, cried, leaning to the touch. 

The whole scene made Varian sick. While he didn’t know what exactly the man did, he had a burning suspicion the whole ordeal isn’t going to end good for him. And for Donella to play like that, it made the boy cringe. 

Suddenly, Donella grabbed the man’s hair and in one swift movement reached for the knife strapped to her hip and plunged it into Lugo’s chest. The man gasped in surprise, Varian crying out at the action. The thugs let the man go, his body slumping to the floor, a pool of blood quickly forming under him.

“W-why…?” Lugo wheezed as Donella stood up and cleaned the blade. She turned to Varian, the boy freezing once again under the woman’s gaze. 

“Why did you do that?!” Varian cried, struggling in his binds. 

“Oh, hush. He’ll be okay.” Donella rolled her eyes and looked at the boy once again. Varian’s eyes widened, coming to a terrible realisation. She was expecting him to heal him. “Bring him over.” The woman called and the thugs grabbed the barely alive Lugo, dragging him closer to Varian’s chair. “It’s your time to shine, Sundrop.” 

Varian’s eyes jumped between bleeding man and Donella. He didn’t want the man to die. But to show his magic to the woman… He didn’t want it to happen either.

“Tic-tock, darling. He doesn’t have long.” Donella whispered to the boy’s ear, her voice chillingly sweet. 

Varian stared once more at the man, before coming to a decision. He let his head fall in defeat, tears pricking at his eyes. 

“Wrap my hair around the wound... “ He whispered. With a nod from Donella, the thugs did as he asked. 

Varian’s stomach turned as he saw the blood seeping through his hair. He gulped and took a deep breath, before opening his mouth. The song didn’t sound as soothing as it usually did, when he sang. His throat was clenched, voice cracking. But it didn’t do anything in terms of magic. The soft gold glow started from the roots of his hair and travelled down, towards the wound. 

When the song stopped and the glow dimmed, the dying man gasped loudly, eyes opening wide in shock. He was still coming to himself, when the thugs dragged him away at Donella’s order, the woman turning to Varian with a pleased smile. 

“A healing power, hm?” She said, the boy rose his head and gave her a death glare.

“If you knew about me, then you already knew about that.” He spat angrily. “What was even the point of that?”

“This is for me to know and you to respect.” Donella replied, reaching for her knife once again and twirling it between her fingers. “I do, wonder, however, does this magic apply only to other people, or to the host as well?”

Before Varian could register her words, she plunged the knife into his left arm and pulled, creating a bloody wound. The boy cried out, pain exploding in his arm. Tears fell from his eyes, his breathing quickened. He was faintly aware of the woman wrapping the strand of his hair around the wound and ordering him to sing. 

Fighting against the pain, he sang, the glow appearing once again. The pain, however, didn’t cease and unwrapping the hair showed the still bleeding wound. Donella clicked her tongue in displeasure and said something to the bulky man standing guard by the door. The straps holding his arms and legs were released and he was dragged away, back to his cell. The blood kept on pouring but no one seemed to care, as he was locked back in without paying any mind to the wound. 

Varian dragged himself towards the wall and sat down, back against the cold stone, cradling the injured arm to his chest. He was so focused on the pain, he didn’t even register anyone coming in, until he heard the metallic screech of the opening door. He looked up his glassy eyes, noticing green clothes and short blonde hair. 

“Hu...go..?” He whispered, hazy from the pain. The said teen cursed loudly, quickly approaching the injured boy and reaching for the arm. Varian hissed in pain and earned a hushed apology, as Hugo inspected the wound.

“God, Goggles. What did she do to you?” He heard Hugo mutter under his breath. The teen shuffled through the medical kit he brought, taking out a bottle of transparent liquid. “Okay, this is going to sting, but I need to disinfect the wound before I can stitch it.”

Varian nodded absent-mindedly, the pain becoming unbearable. He heard Hugo uncork the bottle and the liquid touched the wound. The pain exploded in his arm and Varian screamed, before he finally passed out, welcoming the darkness that overtook him.

[falafel14]

El Camino Review: “Dude, you’re my hero and shit.”

 Where to start? (Bitch). 

Okay so I loved that Mike was the one who gave Jesse the idea to start over in Alaska. Jesse’s determination to follow a path that Mike recommended for him felt like he was desperate to honor one of his very last memories of Mike, which felt like a very Jesse thing to do. Then there was Mike’s line about how Jesse can never put things right. It’s the one thing he’ll never do. And when Mike said that I couldn’t decide whether he was establishing that Jesse’s redemption was impossible or just calling his redemption an impossibility so that Jesse could subvert expectations. In my heart, I wanted the latter. But I got the former. So was I disappointed? Actually...no. We’ve lived with the Choose-your-own-Jesse-Pinkman-ending thing for the last six years. I fan-ficced my own Jesse resolution and that gave me closure. Now I feel like I’m getting to see Vince Gilligan’s own personal Jesse resolution that he needed to give himself closure. And Vince’s choices are very different to mine, but understandably so. Vince is the one who personally made all those creative choices to put Jesse through the worst kinds of Hell (not me, I didn’t do that shit...). So after years of torturing this character so excessively I can understand why Vince needed to deliver his most abused creation to a place of peace and safety (Alaska apparently).     

And if I couldn’t get a redemption story for Jesse...well, at least I got one for Skinny Pete! Damn. Skinny has always been my favorite of Jesse’s friend circle and this film solidified why. Like Jesse, Skinny’s another smart compassionate guy who could have amounted to so much more if he hadn’t fallen into the drug world. The moment when he called Jesse his hero brought me to tears. I mean Skinny never saw the worst of Jesse’s crimes, but this line suggested to me that regardless of what Jesse had done, Skinny always saw Jesse as an impressive, admirable and decent person. And that was fucking lovely. It was heartwarming to see characters like Old Joe prepared to help Jesse out purely because they remembered him as being a good kid. But Skinny’s the one who risked his own freedom (”I’m on probation, yo!”) to give Jesse a chance to escape. So here’s hoping that your mad piano skills are discovered in prison, Skinny Pete! Oh and Badger’s lines about Skinny’s driving had me howling - “You couldn’t drive Miss Daisy!”, “You couldn’t drive Thelma and Louise off a that cliff!” Vince, if you want to write a straight up comedy next, then I’m here for it.      

Skinny Pete aside, I’d say my favorite parts of El Camino were the flashbacks. I mean...who knew we were going to get so much fucking Todd? And you know from my fanfic that I wanted the full horror of Jesse’s time as Todd’s prisoner/pet explored and...yes, it was every bit as horrific as I had expected. And yes, I feel terrible for laughing so often at Todd’s cheerful oblivious psychopathy. I wasn’t laughing all the time though. Who knew that the most heartbreaking line of all Breaking Bad canon was going to turn out to be... “Pepperoni��? Let’s just get it out of the way and say Aaron was devastating once again as Jesse Pinkman and is surely set to win a fourth Emmy for this role. And if Aaron’s going to be in the lead category this time, could we get a supporting actor nod for Plemons? Because DEAR GOD, he was blood-chillingly brilliant as Todd.

Then we have these two fuckers back together again. I knew they’d have to bring Bryan back in some way and Jesus, if you’d asked me to pick any missing Walt and Jesse moment from canon that I’d like to have seen...I swear my first choice would’ve been the journey home from 4 Days Out. This was the last time Walt still had his humanity, the last time we had juvenile “Yeah bitch!” Jesse and the last time before their relationship was so horribly poisoned by betrayal. Just before the mess of Combo’s murder, then Jesse’s heroin spiral, then Walt letting Jane die that they never came back from. It was just so wonderful to go back to a time when you could see these two genuinely cared for each other, even while being the most hilariously dysfunctional odd couple (”I totally graduated high school, dick!”) I never thought I’d get to see Bryan and Aaron acting together as Walt and Jesse again, especially this version of Walt and Jesse. It was a gift. This scene alone made the whole of El Camino worthwhile. 

Which is not to say the rest of the BrBa movie is anything shabby. While it is a getaway story rather than a redemption story, it still had me on the edge of my seat. Man, I love that Vince is such a merciless writer. Like, normally in a movie when your antihero character is in a room hiding from police, the writer will give you a moment of tension then allow the character to slip away. But Vince is all nope! The worst is going to happen. Jesse is going to get caught and worse still those guys aren’t even real cops but men who were complicit in his kidnapping ordeal. Man! And I love how Jesse gets a moment of being a badass when he judged that the Kandy Welding guy wasn’t going to shoot him, but then we get him being a dumb dipshit thinking he could call the bluff of the Disappearer guy. And yet it all felt consistent because Vince’s writing and Aaron’s performance have always balanced Jesse’s smart and stupid moments so well. And while I personally didn’t want Jesse to commit further crimes and get more blood on his hands in his bid for freedom, I can’t begrudge Vince going all the way in making Breaking Bad a contemporary Western complete with its own gunslinger quick draw scene. That was awesome (”Dude, you’re on fire...”)

Did I love everything about El Camino? No. Like Felina was for Walt, Jesse’s resolution did feel a little overly neat. I didn’t really want the Vacuum repair guy to be the solution since Saul had stressed that Jesse would only have one shot with him. The guy then giving him a second chance but being persnickety over the exact money felt like a contrivance. Also, I didn’t like Jesse screwing over his parents again. I know that Jesse’s folks could be dicks, but still. Lastly, the letter to Brock. It was pure fan service, I know. But if the moral of this story is - ‘Jesse doesn’t get to make things right’ - then he shouldn’t get to write a letter to Brock either. Because what could Jesse possibly say that would make things better for Brock now? I have to say, that beat didn’t feel earned for me. 

Finally though, I will say I liked the choice to end on the Jesse/Jane scene. As with the Walt flashback, this comes just before the end of S2 and the last hope Jesse had of a happy ending. Because I don’t really feel like Jesse’s new life in Alaska will be happy from now on. I feel like Jesse will always be lonely, scarred, self-loathing, guilt-ridden and haunted. He’ll never escape who he has been. But the message of Jane’s last line seemed to be simply telling Jesse to be his own master from now on, which I suppose is a good mindset for a guy whose biggest downfall was being too easily led. Did Jesse redeem himself for his crimes? No. Could he have ever redeemed himself for his crimes? Probably not. Do I think Jesse should go on suffering? Nah...leave him be. 

[aion-rsa]

Dennis ‘Des’ Nilsen is Far From David Tennant’s First Psychopath Role

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David Tennant’s transformation into serial killer Dennis Nilsen for ITV’s Des was unsettlingly convincing. It wasn’t just the physical resemblance, though under that hairstyle and behind those 1980s glasses frames, the similarity was remarkable. It was also the posture, the unwavering eye contact, and the voice; mumbling and unconcerned, listing the terrible details of Nilsen’s crimes as if reciting a recipe instead of multiple brutal murders. 

As Nilsen, Tennant pulled off what every actor hopes to in a real-life role – a disappearing trick. He slid clean inside the role, leaving no trace of The Doctor, or Simon from There She Goes, or the demon Crowley, or Alec Hardy, or his funny, self-deprecating public persona. For those three hours on screen, he was nothing but Nilsen.   

The role is one in a long line of on-screen psychopaths for Tennant. He might be best loved around these parts as excitable, convivial romantic hero the Tenth Doctor (who, as noted below, also had his villainous moments), but David Tennant has been playing bad guys for decades, starting with a 1995 episode of ITV police procedural The Bill…

Steven Clemens in The Bill, ‘Deadline’ (1995)

In his early 20s, David Tennant went through a rite of passage for the UK acting profession: he landed a part in The Bill.  And not just any old part on The Bill, this one was a peach. Tennant wasn’t cast as some kid DC Carver caught snatching a granny’s handbag – he played psychopathic kidnapper and murderer Steven Clemens.

When 15-year-old schoolgirl Lucy Dean (an early role for Honeysuckle Weeks) was abducted after receiving threatening phone calls, the caretaker from her school was brought in for questioning. What followed was a high-stakes game of Blink between Tennant’s character and Sun Hill Station’s finest. Clemens toyed with the police, first denying responsibility and then refusing to tell them where he’d stashed Lucy. It’s a big performance, as suits the soap-like context, but even then Tennant made a good villain, revelling in his evildoing. Clemens came a cropper eventually when Lucy was found alive and the investigation linked him to the kidnap and murder of another schoolgirl. Watch the whole episode here. 

Barty Crouch Jr. in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005)

Skipping forward a decade, Tennant’s most mainstream cinematic baddie to date is Death Eater Barty Crouch Jr. in the fourth Harry Potter film. Crouch Jr. was the Voldemort supporter who engineered Harry’s entry into the Triwizard Tournament, and turned the winning trophy into a portkey that delivered Potter straight into Voldemort’s waiting arms (well, Voldemort was sort of soup at that point, but bit of magic and voila – arms!).

Crouch Jr. did all this while magically disguised as Brendan Gleeson’s character Mad-Eye Moody, so Tennant’s actual screen time in the film is pretty limited. In his few short appearances though – in a flashback to his Ministry of Magic trial and after his disguise is rumbled – Tennant makes a real impression as the unhinged, tongue-flicking baddie.

The Time Lord Victorious in Doctor Who ‘Waters of Mars’ (2009)

The majority of the time, the Tenth Doctor was a sweetie – big grin, lots of enthusiasm, two hearts full of frivolity and love. Every so often though, Ten’s genocidal, survivor-guilt past rose to the surface. Never cruel, never cowardly, no, but sometimes a bit… murdery and drunk on power. 

One such occasion was his brutal extermination of the Racnoss children in Christmas special ‘The Runaway Bride’, and another was his Time Lord Victorious trip at the end of ‘Waters of Mars’. In the special, Ten changes the events of a fixed point in time to save the lives of Captain Adelaide Brooke (Lindsay Duncan) and her surviving crew, bringing them back to Earth in the TARDIS instead of leaving them to die. Realising the serious ramifications of his timeline meddling, Brooke confronts the Doctor about his arrogance, and puts the mistake right. It doesn’t take Ten long to come back to his senses, drop the god act, and realise he’s gone too far, and it’s David Tennant’s ability to convincingly play both the power-crazed god and the devastated man that makes him one of the best in the business. 

Kilgrave in Jessica Jones (2015)

David Tennant played a bonafide demon from actual hell in Good Omens, the TV adaptation of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman’s 1990 novel, but Crowley still had nothing on his Jessica Jones character.

The first series of Marvel’s Jessica Jones on Netflix won acclaim for its depiction of a coercive, abusive relationship through a comic book fantasy lens. David Tennant was Kilgrave, a villain with the power of mind control following experiments conducted during his childhood. Instead of using his power for good (convincing people to pick up litter, be kind to animals, etc.), Kilgrave exerted his will on the world at large, bending those around him to his sick desires. When he stumbled upon super-powered private investigator Jones, he didn’t stop at using her super-strength for his own ends. Kilgrave also used his powers to keep Jones hostage and manipulate her into coerced sex. Jones’ battle to escape Kilgrave was powerfully acted by Krysten Ritter and David Tennant, who had the range to show Kilgrave’s ‘charm’ as well as his chilling megalomania. 

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Cale Erendreich in Bad Samaritan (2018)

Director Dean Devlin followed up weather-disaster flick Geostorm with Bad Samaritan, a dark psychological thriller about a small-time crook who gets into the bad books of a wealthy sicko when he stumbles upon his dark secrets while burgling his house. Misfits’ Robert Sheehan plays the burglar, and David Tennant plays the loaded psycho whose obsession with technology earned him the nickname ‘Evil Bruce Wayne’. Cale Erendreich is a Patrick Bateman-like moneybags psycho with a sick taste in torture. Overall, the film itself isn’t a huge amount of cop, but boy, does Tennant commit.

Dr Edgar Fallon in Criminal ‘Edgar’ (2019)

Netflix’s multi-lingual European series Criminal takes the best bit of Line of Duty – the police interview scenes – and strips away everything else. Every episode has a new case, a new interviewee, a new lead actor, and a team of cops trying to break them within a limited time frame. 

Kicking it all off with the first UK episode of series one (a second run is available to stream now) was David Tennant as Dr Edgar Fallon. You’ll have to watch the 42-minute episode to know whether or not Fallon is guilty of the crime about which he’s being interviewed (the rape and murder of his 14-year-old step-daughter), but Tennant is chilling and magnetic enough as the well-spoken English doctor to keep you guessing.

Dr Tom Kendrick in Deadwater Fell (2020)

When a tragedy occurs in a Scottish village, suspicion falls on those closest to the victims. David Tennant plays local GP Tom in Channel 4 drama Deadwater Fell, a four-part series available to stream on All 4, about how a small community responds to a terrible event. Is Tom really the perfect family man he appears to be, or is there something else under the surface? Without giving anything away in terms of plot, Tennant moves fluently between the roles of victim and villain in the audience’s mind as this empathetic, clever miniseries twists and turns. 

Dennis Nilsen in Des (2020)

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This starring role is the culmination of years spent clocking up experience on how to unsettle on screen. As real-life Scottish serial killer Dennis Nilsen, David Tennant is chillingly perfect. It’s both an on-point impersonation and a disquieting performance that conjures up this peculiarly banal killer. Tennant is ably aided by co-stars Daniel Mays and Jason Watkins as, respectively, Nilsen’s arresting officer DCI Peter Jay and biographer Brian Masters. It’s a triangle of excellent actors at their best, making for a compelling three-parter. 

The post Dennis ‘Des’ Nilsen is Far From David Tennant’s First Psychopath Role appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[cleodobelle]

Rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, tag some other people

Peep Show

Charmed

Girl from Nowhere

(cinematic masterpiece) Boys Over Flowers

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon

thanks @youcancallmedoctor​ and yes i did for a bit consider just putting cmbof for every choice first because i was like ‘have i ever seen a single other show’ and then because like, this would be work for my doctoral thesis to be completed after the airing of the king (of romance): the eternal monarch (of romance)

who is your favorite character in 2?

(Charmed) Piper! It’s Piper, nobody else need apply.

who is your least favorite character in 1?

(Peep Show) Ben! Every interaction with Ben when he is not unconscious is so horrible. “It’s not a fucking love story, it’s a fucking fuck story, it’s about animal lusts and dirt and fluids” is enough to keep me from rereading Wuthering Heights ever again.  

what is your favorite episode of 4?

((cinematic masterpiece) Boys Over Flowers) Episode Four! Making date plans without even making sure the other person heard them! Waiting in the snow without a cellphone for hours because you’ve never waited for someone for a date before! Namsan Tower! The coffee! The blankets! The marker! Hair straightening! Those are absolutely the only things that happen in that episode and it is a perfect episode. To pick a different episode that doesn’t also feature things that disturb me to my very core, episode 25, because it calls back to all of the good parts of 4 without any of the parts that are terrible which I’m choosing to pretend don’t exist.

what is your favorite season of 5?

(Strong Woman Do Bong Soon) The second season, which exists entirely in my head, it’s a lot like the first season except the like 40 different extremely irritating comic relief characters are all gone, nobody ever talks about them because the show is too busy being about Bong Soon, Min Hyuk, and their very strong daughters. Until then, the first season is a close runner up, provided it’s the edited version that again exists in my mind where the high schoolers, gangsters, and any guy who just screams a lot shows up exactly once as needed and then never again in a speaking role.

who is your favorite couple in 3?

(Girl from Nowhere) This is probably the one show I watch where it’s not that kind of show, so there’s only one couple that isn’t horrible and it’s Nanno and TK. I am haunted by that episode, and also where is season two of this show.

who is your favorite couple in 2?

(Charmed) Piper and Leo! I can’t think of any other couples in this show. In fact, there aren’t any. I’m pretty sure that there isn’t another really long-standing couple that a lot of people actually enjoyed having in the show despite it being terrible for everyone. It was just Piper and Leo, their one child, Wyatt, and the show ending after assuring me that their love is perfect and will last forever.

what is your favorite episode of 1?

(Peep Show) Season 7 episode 4, “The Nether Zone” which is mostly Mark and Jez trapped in the front area of an apartment building, then one of the apartments, followed by just the bathroom, and then the shower. Mark panicking about his baby’s christening while Jez is ordering a pizza to be delivered through a mail slot in the door of the place they are locked inside is funnier every time I watch it. 

what is your favorite episode of 5?

(Strong Woman Do Bong Soon) Episode 12! Beach Date! Honorable mention to episode 1 where Bong Soon and Min Hyuk meet and where you first hear “Super Power Girl”, but like, just remembering the heart drawing, the callback to the “one step”, truly amazing. The criminal stuff picking up is also like, chillingly great, but like, I would have watched the whole show without that plot just as well.

what is your favorite season of 2?

(Charmed) This is one of those shows that I’ve never really just watched all the way through, though I did make my half-sisters who had never seen a single episode watch the finale which I, a grade school kid, definitely needed to see. I have mostly watched this wildly out of order and in varying parts while staying home from school or getting ready from school, depending on how old I was and when TNT was airing it, so it’s hard to say. Probably the first? Maybe the third? I have no problem with Paige, but I did like Prue and the episodes she was present for.

how long have you watched 1?

(Peep Show) I...don’t know. I definitely started watching it in college.....maybe since 2013-2014? I know that by the time I watched it, everything had come out except for the last season which I watched as it aired in 2015. I rewatch it probably once every month, it’s just become so easy to start it anywhere in the series, work on whatever I’m actually doing, and still be able to look up and know what’s going on.

how did you become interested in 3?

(Girl from Nowhere) It was Scary-thon! Every October, I usually just reread The Haunting of Hill House and Ring, maybe rewatch Tales from the Crypt: Demon Knight, and complain about how there are no good scary movies/tv shows/books. Last year, I decided to create an event for myself, Scary-thon, in which I tried to watch and read only things in the horror genre all month to see if there was in fact worthwhile things out there. While looking for Netflix horror offerings, I saw Girl from Nowhere, thought it might be cool and that it would probably fit my theme month, and started watching it.

who is your favorite actor in 4?

((cinematic masterpiece) Boys Over Flowers) Asking me this is like asking me to pick a favorite child. Like. Okay. Like, in terms of actually being in stuff for me to watch and not just terrorizing me over instagram, it is Lee Min Ho, but like, I love Ku Hye Sun for terrorizing me on instagram.... If we’re just talking about acting in the show specifically, then like, it is Lee Min Ho because Gu Jun Pyo is exactly my favorite type of kdrama male lead, and like, he did it!

which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5?

(Peep Show, Charmed, or Strong Woman Do Bong Soon) Hm. I mean they all have very different places in my heart. I’ll say Strong Woman Do Bong Soon, because I recently finished a rewatch with my youngest brother (his first watch) and it was really fun despite the parts of the show that are teeth-grindingly annoying. I remember the most things about it of these three shows, and I love the soundtrack, am always waiting for the leads to be in more things, like it’s that show.

which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3?

(Peep Show or Girl from Nowhere) Peep Show has more episodes, so Peep Show.

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

((cinematic masterpiece) Boys Over Flowers) Okay so like...realistically, I can’t imagine surviving a day in the life of either of the leads. I think I would settle for being either the head maid at Jun Pyo’s house or the guy who owns the porridge shop that Jan Di and Ga Eul work at, like I feel like that’s just close enough to witness the stuff that the leads get up to without really having to be actively involved with any of it, or even worse, interact with Ji Hoo, who I would kill if given the opportunity.

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work?

(Girl from Nowhere and (cinematic masterpiece) Boys Over Flowers) Oh my god no, like... Okay the bullying and things that go on at Shinhwa High probably desperately need someone like Nanno to put an end to like, all of that, forever, but like....I don’t want all of them to die or go through horrifying things.

pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple?

(Peep Show) Hm. I’ve...honestly never cared to think about this. I’m going to ignore this question a bit because Peep Show is kind of a show with exclusively bad couples whether they’re likely or not, and say Elena and Zahra, because they’re kind of similar but in like, opposite directions if that makes sense. Of Jez’s girlfriends who were dating other people first the whole time, they’re kind of similar but they never meet because Jez has just probably ruined Elena’s wedding at the end of the sixth season before meeting Zahra in the seventh, and Elena never shows back up. They would not make a strangely okay or even slightly okay couple, but I would enjoy seeing it.

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5?

(Girl from Nowhere or Strong Woman Do Bong Soon) I mean...they’re different.... I guess Strong Woman Do Bong Soon has more of an actual storyline throughout since Girl from Nowhere is...I mean it’s Nanno every time but like, the...storyline really isn’t clear until the end...  I don’t know.

which has the better theme music, 2 or 4?

I can recall exactly one song from Charmed, and it’s great, but nothing compares to any song in (cinematic masterpiece) Boys Over Flowers.

[theinquisitivej]

SteamHeart Episode 20 Reactions

Chapter Twenty: Off-Road Warriors

You can listen to the full episode here.

Well damn, that was an intense dose of adrenaline via audio, wasn’t it?

Raven immediately sets the foreboding tone, a notable change from the sweet tranquillity of the previous chapter’s closing moments. His grave description of the convoy of Mad Max-looking scary-crazy-bastards (and yes, this is about to be a Steampunk Fury Road episode, and you should have no objections to that) coming over the horizon sells the real danger that these men represent. The language paints a captivating yet frightening picture of demented vehicles, using harsh consonants to convey the sturdiness of these reinforced crafts, and hissing adjectives to emphasise the sharp, hostile shapes of these clawed, pointed carriages. Best line of the section is certainly “nothing was uniform save for the manifestly apparent expulsion of normality”. It instantly cements the chaotic, violent mindset of the men approaching the mine.

         These men call themselves the Southern Cross. Among their number is a man who’s fashioned himself into a bear (the talons fixed to his limbs make me think of a twisted, older and more cruel version of Miguel and his mongoose claw), and, as the band blows their own war trumpets in an act that is as aggressive as it is indicative of their own inflated self-importance over others, the ensuing danger becomes intensified, and chillingly unavoidable. We get the first glimpse of their leader, who wears a horse’s skull and appears to fancy himself a pale rider of death with the white, bone-like motif of his carriage and horses (I’m picturing Overwatch’s Reaper in both appearance and edgy lack of self-awareness). A lieutenant riding ahead of the pack addresses Raven. While Raven is the one who embodies the more dignified aspects of the bird with whom he shares his name, this lieutenant is the one who resembles a squawking, shrill parrot, wearing a beaked plague doctor’s mask and shrieking demands at Raven. He claims that “the Lord of Brimstone” has arrived. Oh this is going to go well.

             Raven dashes inside, hurriedly relaying the situation to the others. Within minutes, the few remaining mine workers and the team have brought Tabitha, who, lest we forget, is still going through labour (but still exhibiting her leadership skills even now by issuing orders, reinforcing that whole theme I talked about last time about motherhood / pregnancy not getting in the way of authoritative women being damn good at their jobs), inside SteamHeart. They don’t have enough soldiers to defend this post, and help isn’t coming, so things are looking grim. Even so, Annie assures us that “we’re not dying here like rats in a trap. Hell, that’s like, my one rule.”, and Laureta Sela’s delivery of that second part alleviates some of the tension by getting a chuckle out of me with that great line. As the group approach the gates, however, the pressure of the situation is once again felt as Harry informs the team that, even with SteamHeart’s technological superiority, it will take some serious damage if it charges headfirst into the enemy through the gate, and likely won’t be able to break free of them if it does so.

         Annie starts a dialogue with them through the loudspeaker. Abigail wanted to try, demonstrating her continuing desire to work on being a better figure of authority after giving the speech to the theatre a few chapters back, but Annie bluntly shoots that down as she knows they’ll have a better chance if she takes charge of this. Even so, it goes about as well as you’d expect – they don’t heed Annie’s firm warnings, and spout off rhetoric that, in addition to being violently psychotic, is grossly suggestive. Both the birdman and horse leader demand they “open wiiiide, each and every one of you; we are coming in!” Eeurggh… fuck these guys.

         The team devise a plan of escape after Jae-Hyun proposes he opens the gate to give the rest of them a chance, acknowledging the certainty that this will result in his own death. His brushing of Tabitha’s cheek indicates the loyalty and love he has for his leader who he will lay down his own life for. He steps out of SteamHeart to meet his fate, adjusting his hat as he does so; if clothes maketh the man, then this act highlights the dignity of this man in the face of these monstrously dressed, hollow creatures who call themselves men. The Southern Cross enter the mine after Hyun opens the gates, and the plague doctor spouts more inane speeches about surrender being the sensible choice in the face of such a rapturous occasion (resembling a combination of Loki in the first Avengers saying “isn’t this so much easier?!”, and a Jim Sterling character). In an instant, Harry springs SteamHeart into action, shooting forward and knocking horses and riders aside as it does so. The episode has been building anticipation to this moment – things are going to kick off hard.

         Jae-Hyun pulls the squawking doctor off his horse, and the response of arrows shot in his direction kills both men, though only the doctor meets his death with a scream. I’m torn on Jae-Hyun’s death, as it feels as if we were barely just starting to get to know this coolly tempered character, and the stern composure with which he met his death makes him someone I wish we got to spend more time with. However, I also think a character like this really helps heighten the stakes of the ensuing sequence, as well as hammers home the point that the victory of our heroes doesn’t come without sacrifice. The resilience Jae-Hyun showed as he met his death in order to save the lives of others, while still demonstrating a fighting spirit that showed he was a man who wouldn’t let monsters like these do what they wanted without retribution, makes the most of the small amount of time we spend with him. If we were to have a character with such a journey within SteamHeart, and I think that both the sequence and the story as a whole are stronger for it, I’m also glad that a specific effort is made to make this character not just a generic white guy. Instead, it’s a character of Asian descent who clearly has a defined look, style, and personality outside of what we see of him here in this book. It gives the world and the people in it a little more dimension, and reminds us that the way forward toward a more heroic and noble world is through unity and collaboration between all of us. That’s how we get to see the best of humanity. But for the worst of humanity, like the racist, murderous Southern Cross, it’s pretty satisfying to see someone of a different ethnicity literally pull them off their horse and, when it comes down to it, show that they are the better man when they each meet their deaths.

         Anyway, back to the action – I’ll do my best to make my writing engaging and analytical, but to be frank, it’s so easy to lose myself in the flow of this sequence. It’s tense as hell, compelling, features detailed description of well-choreographed action, the voice actors are all delivering their lines with pitch-perfect urgency and intensity, and all of this is packaged together (in this audio version of the book) with some truly immersive editing and sound effect choices. It’s the best action sequence of New Century to date.

         As SteamHeart breaks away, the Southern Cross give chase, abandoning their initial goal of the mine as they now want the technology of their craft, as well as to take out their frothing anger on the crew. The grassland beneath them is uneven, which isn’t good for Tabitha during all of this, so James urges Harry to seek the smoothest route. Individual horse riders catch up and start flinging projectiles at SteamHeart’s glowing cables, which you have to imagine is a weak point of the craft (kind of like those glowing spots on a videogame boss). Annie and Butler take position in SteamHeart’s sniping openings. Abigail and Jeremy are handing out ammo and hammering out any projectiles which pierce the hull of the craft, showing that this thing isn’t impervious to damage, and will fall if it takes too much. Harry is doing a mixture of evasive and ramming manoeuvres, resulting in some awesome displays of destruction as enemy carriages splinter, flip, and crash. God, this is good stuff to listen to.

         James takes over narration from Raven (incidentally, Raven was a good choice for this first part, as his journalistic ability to report the specifics of events puts you right in the action of this sequence). He recruits Jeremy, instructing him to sterilise some linens using steam from the craft’s internal pipes. Tabitha grips James’ hands as she fights the pain, and the two “breathe together”, something Harry and Tabitha did at the end of the last episode – there’s a lot of power in matching and sharing the breathing of someone else as they go through something hard that pushes them to the edge. James hides nothing from Tabitha when she asks him if he’s delivered many babies before; he’s assisted on several occasions, but this is the first time he’s delivered one himself. But even as weapons hammer the hull next to them, James assures with compassionate determination that they’re going to do this right, and that there will be another “little person in the world” in a short while, which is how they’re going to survive. It’s an exchange of nervous fear as everything happens around them, mixed with hopeful resilience.

         We switch to Annie. An approaching enemy vehicle has attached lassos to SteamHeart. Abigail, Harry, and Annie take this in, realise how they need to counter this, and brace themselves; SteamHeart builds energy in a roaring moment of anticipation before Harry jams the wheel and hammers the breaks, making the back of SteamHeart swing like an almighty pendulum, smashing the enemy vehicle in a spectacular moment of destruction.

         Now the Bear (whose cries make him sound like Tom Hardy’s Bane) and his vehicle are coming down on them. One of the Southern Cross leaps onto the windshield and embeds his tomahawk in the window and narrowly misses Harry. The proud mechanic indignantly cries out that these fuckers are “tearing my baby apart!”, and Abigail steps out the hatch to punish the window assailant by shooting him point blank in the elbow. If I recall correctly, her weapon of choice right now is a sawn-off shotgun, making the impact of this even meatier and wince-inducing [Editor’s Correction: I’ve been informed that Abigail’s weapon is a shotgun, but not a sawn-off. It’s a lever-action, short-barrel, short-stock shotgun, made for her by Harry, John Browning and William Winchester. Think Arnie during the truck chase scene in Terminator 2]. Annie asks her what the hell she thinks she’s doing, before Abby swings across to the Bear’s carriage using one of the lassos. Annie’s concern is understandable; Abigail is her charge, a possessor of the Endowment (and one who very recently demonstrated can actually put it to good use by closing these portals), and this chaotic and dangerous situation might force Annie to do what Arlington asked of her and shoot Abigail before the Endowment can be lost, which is the last thing she wants to do. We see these frantic thoughts race through her mind as she trains her rifle over the Bear and Abigail’s fight. The Bear seems to be enjoying the duel, demanding his comrades leave her alone and that he be the one to take her down. Abigail catches herself on his armour, but she spits blood in his eye, dodges his club, and, with one guided megaton hit of a punch that slows the world down to a crawl, destroys his balls.

Brutal. Awesome.

         As he reels, Abigail ropes the Bear and kicks the driver, snaring him and launching the Bear into the air as Annie tags in with a shot that severs the rope and sends him flying and crashing. A feathered carriage comes in from the side, putting Abigail in danger. Annie calls out for a bottle of bourbon, and Raven assists by giving her his whisky, though he lets her know that she owes him a drink. This, and a lot of other little asides and exchanges during this sequence is what communicates the character of the people engaged in this fight, which makes it all the more exciting and thrilling. It’s people we know and care about who are participating in this and fighting for their lives, not just nameless faces. For that same reason, it’s also what makes it tense and frightening; I really don’t want to lose anyone in this group. But, for the time being, Raven tears a piece of fabric from his shirt and jams it into the bottle, showing he understands exactly what Annie had in mind. He lights it with his cigarette (another indication of his personality – it’s amusing to see that even in this life-or-death situation, Raven prioritises having a lit cigarette in his mouth), and Annie passes the Molotov to Abigail after she realised what the two were planning and came up to them. The synthesis of this teamwork and co-operation between multiple members of the party is really satisfying to watch. Annie lays down covering fire at the feathered carriage to distract them as Abigail slings the bottle, and Annie, like John Marston activating Dead Eye, focuses her attention as time slows down and hits the bottle with one last bullet. Wild fire ignites the carriage. Annie lets out a guttural and sorely earned “YYYYESSS!”

         The last carriage is the Lord of Brimstone with his skeleton crew and his bone-white ride. They have dynamite – oh dear. Abigail extends a hand out to Annie, emphasising her support and belief in her that she can make this shot. She pulls Annie onto the roof, and as Annie is pulled into the open air before she lands next to Abby, she sees everything clearly, and identifies her target. She takes her shot immediately, and it lands, hitting the guy behind Brimstone, who was holding a stick of dynamite, which he drops inside the carriage – right next to all the other dynamite. The explosion destroys the carriage, and the leader is shot out like a comical firework, engulfed in fire, ash, and bone. Hey, he was the one who called himself “Brimstone” and obsessed over his boney white aesthetic – I’d say he got exactly what he always wanted.

         With a crash, the world goes quiet. We hear a heartbeat slow down, providing a fantastic transition that takes us from the adrenaline of this sequence back down to a place where we can catch our breath. But we’re soon reminded that, while all of this is going on, Tabitha is still facing her own fight as she’s in the middle of giving birth to her baby. As James guides the baby out, provides support to Tabitha, and things escalate to their peak, the explosion echoes out behind them as Tabitha experiences her own release as the baby boy comes out, safe. The music instantly adapts to the sweet innocence of the moment. The crew re-centre themselves, Harry slows down SteamHeart, and now that everything is okay and everyone is safe… Annie punches Abigail in the side, in an act of frustration that ends up hurting her more than Abigail (Annie is after all not quite as used to throwing punches as Abigail is, as we remember from that brawl in Secret Rooms which Abby and James adapted to but which took Annie by surprise and disorientated her). Abigail responds that, while she may have taken a risky move, they all survived and made it through this. The tone is quietly triumphant, intimate, and optimistic. Our heroes have made it through this.

         James shares Abby’s gratitude for the moment, and as Butler tells him he’s done a good thing here as Tabitha holds her child close to her, he experiences a sense of tranquil acceptance. James has been experiencing doubts about himself and his usefulness ever since he acquired the Endowment. At the end of Secret Rooms, he even wondered if he would be any good as a doctor after effectively losing one half of his eyes. But by helping another, by bringing this new life into the world, James has realised he can make enough of a difference to be at peace with himself, if only for now. It’s a revelation that endears me to James, as I’ve often found that, at times where I doubt my own self-worth, the best thing I can do is to seek out ways I can help other people, whether it’s in big ways or little ways. If I can make someone else’s day a little easier, then that alone makes me feel like I’m doing alright. And that’s a sentiment I love to see in fiction like this.

So yeah, this episode was a fantastic ride, and a complete triumph.

[andrew-buchan-fansite]

Another god: Andrew Buchan; knocked it out of the park; Andrew Buchan matched him scene for scene, astoundingly good; breathtaking; brilliant but wow, what about Andrew Buchan, unbelievable intensity; brilliant, so gripping and deliciously dark; oh Andrew Buchan, so good; such a fine actor; I don’t think I’ve seen evil more effectively played - I felt sick watching him; chillingly sinister, yet charming; damn Andrew Buchan is so good; exceptional; when he’s on screen he really holds your attention; not enough Andrew Buchan; a great nuanced performance; sublime; giving Malkovich a run for his money; a revelation; absolutely sensational! A pure acting masterclass.  

Just a flavour of the twitter reviews for ‘amiable’ Franklin Clarke in The ABC Murders.

Catch-up or watch again on the iplayer.

[silentauroriamthereal]

So. I met Benedict Cumberbatch the other night. 

I’m still processing, honestly, and the big thing that I need to write is another letter to him, one which I assume going in that he will never read (I can’t even imagine the volume of fanmail he must receive!), but I’ll still write it because I need to say it, even if it’s never read. In this post I want to talk about some of the stuff I want to say there, so I’m just kind of working through my thoughts here. 

This is going to be long, and a little emotional, so I’m putting it behind a cut to spare your dashes (among other things!). 

I have a few different things to say about the entire thing. First, let me just go through the evening as it unfolded: 

I managed to buy a ticket to the New York debut of Letters Live. I’ve adored the concept of this event since the first time they held it and when I found out they were doing one in New York right during the tiny window of when I was going to be there, I jumped at the opportunity, though the tickets were uncomfortably expensive for me. There is literally no other living person that I would have been more excited to see perform and potentially have a tiny chance to meet, though, and the timing seemed almost foreordained, so I did it. 

The event was phenomenal. A gigantic wall of a human was seated in front of me - an unpleasant man who was approximately 10 metres tall and 5 metres wide, and I’m 5′4, so... yeah. I waited until after the first act and managed to slip into a much better seat, hahaha! The performance was so well-planned, I thought. The selection of letters was specially curated for an American audience, with most of the content written by Americans. To hear Rose McGowan read her own letter to the Hollywood higher-ups was chillingly powerful, as was hearing Toni Morrison’s letter to Barack Obama. There were several letters funny enough to make me cry with laughter, and to my pleased surprise one of these was read by another well-loved actor of mine, Tom Hollander (who I keep feeling so sorry for these days - people must confuse him with Tom Holland all the time, and they’re not remotely similar, lol). Benedict’s first letter was an absolutely hilarious one that just went around facebook about a month ago, written by a Canadian man apologizing for having absolutely trashed, via a flock of seagulls, his hotel room in Victoria eighteen years ago. He also read one of the Chris Barker/Bessie Moore exchanges with Loo Brealey, and finished the evening with Stewart Stern’s incredibly stirring and moving letter to the family of James Dean following his death. 

Listen: seeing Benedict perform live, with my own two naked eyes, breathing the same air as him - it may sound ridiculous, but that alone was profoundly moving to me. Just seeing him, period. Then seeing him perform - breathtaking. And then hearing him read this particular letter was just - it’s hard to even put it into words. I felt a little as though I was hearing him read what could be his own epitaph. Listen to these words: 

A star goes wild in the places beyond air — a dark star born of coldness and invisible. It hits the upper edges of our atmosphere and look! It is seen! It flames and arcs and dazzles. It goes out in ash and memory. But its after-image remains in our eyes to be looked at again and again. For it was rare. And it was beautiful. And we thank God and nature for sending it in front of our eyes. So few things blaze. So little is beautiful. Our world doesn't seem equipped to contain its brilliance too long. Ecstasy is only recognizable when one has experienced pain. Beauty only exists when set against ugliness. Peace is not appreciated without war ahead of it. How we wish that life could support only the good. But it vanishes when its opposite no longer exists as a setting. It is a white marble on unmelting snow. And Jimmy stands clear and unique in a world where much is synthetic and dishonest and drab. He came and rearranged our molecules.

I mean, this is exactly how I already feel about the nature of Ben’s talent, the privilege I feel at being allowed to experience it in any way, in any medium. He has a talent that lights up the cosmos and I’m just so grateful to the universe that this talent exists and has been given a place to be seen and witnessed by the rest of us. His talent blazes, and my life is the richer for being able to experience it. 

I tried really, really, really hard not to hope too much to have a chance to meet him at the stage door after. It’s kind of impossible not to hope, but I told myself sternly that I already never thought I would have the chance to see him perform in person, and it really would have been enough. I’d joked to my friends before leaving for New York that if he so much as laid his own two beautiful eyes on me and actually saw me, heard my voice, any of that, that I could die in peace. I’ve never expected that, though, to have any sort of fleeting brush of contact like that. It’s not the nature of the way a person like him relates to a person like me. In fact, allow me a tangential paragraph here: 

Being a fan can feel one-sided. I know everything that a person can possibly know about a person whom I have never met. I can guarantee that I have seen, read, or listened to every interview he’s done, ever, with very, very few exceptions. ALL of the press junkets. I could have written his imdb page. Like many of us! I know every line on his beautiful face. I know the freckles on his skin, the tendons of his forearms and calves. I know every part of his physicality that’s ever been shown to the public, and with him, that’s a fair bit! His voice is my ringtone (it’s a clip of Sherlock saying “it’s a text alert; it means I’ve got a text”) and his voice is more dearly familiar to me than most of the people I know personally. I know his facial expressions, though he’s constantly reinventing the way the muscles of his face can move for every new role he plays. I’ve analyzed his accents from a phonetics standpoint. In short, I know everything that’s possible for someone like me to know about someone like him. And he knows nothing about me - not my name, not what I do, not what I eat, not my voice or my talents or my eyes or fingernails or passions or pet peeves - not of my existence, full stop. But that doesn’t mean that our relationship - and bear with me on that word - is one-sided. This is how it works: he gives. He gives and gives and gives. Benedict doesn’t phone it in. He BLAZES. He burned through so much energy playing Hamlet (any wonder, have you seen him in it???) in the summer of 2016 that one of the reasons Dr. Strange had to push back its filming schedule was to give him the chance to bulk up again after the play’s run. Benedict commits, and like the aforementioned star analogy, he radiates energy to every possible point of contact around him. THIS is his side of the relationship: he blazes out his talent/energy/love/passion/commitment, and we receive it, and the appreciation and love and passion we feel in return for it is something that we share with each other, not with him. That’s how fandom works: it’s not a direct thing. Not in the standard, interpersonal way. He shines; we turn to each other rather than to him, to talk about how it made us feel, how it moved us, how it excited us and made us laugh and inspired us. Somehow, this entire experience crystallized this for me perfectly. 

Now, back to the stage door: there was an absolute CRUSH of people at the barricades. I don’t want to talk about this part too much because it was extremely unpleasant. We had to wait for a long time. I would have stayed until he left the building, no matter how long it took, unless it would have made me look like a total creep, because that’s not something I ever want to do to someone I admire. He did come out eventually, and that’s when the pushing and screaming started. I once said that I would never scream at a celebrity, and I didn’t. The crowd, unfortunately, was a mix of three groups of people: 1. aggressive paparazzi 2. aggressive fanboys who had brought comic book shit for Ben to sign so that they could sell it on ebay 3. genuine fans. Guess which group was not at all problematic?? Turns out I was standing right in a knot of #2′s, and because they were hollering at him, like screaming at him to get over there and sign their shit, Ben went over to the other side of the barricade to sign stuff there. He told off one of the paps and said he was there to be with the “real people”, which I appreciated. He did come back near us, and I had the briefest of moments to talk to him. I thanked him for not having become a lawyer, and he laughed. Everyone was thrusting stuff in his face and yelling. I just had my little ticket from the show, and the comic book manchildren kept putting their stuff on top of mine. Ben finally said he was going back inside, that his wife was there waiting for him, but he turned back toward me and I managed to ask (possibly plead) if he would sign my ticket. He looked me in the eye then, smiled, and said, “Of course”. 

I stammered out a congratulations on Patrick Melrose and he smiled again and said thank you, while he was signing. But that one moment of eye contact is all I wanted. He looked at me, and he saw me. And I made him laugh. 

I was literally almost suffocated by the awful people around me, none of which were: a) female, or b) actual fans. I’ve thought sometimes, while watching videos of Benedict on the red carpet, with all of those media folk screaming at him to turn this way, smile into their camera, all of that, that it feels very much like harassment. I know that people in his position know that it comes with the job, that the fame and riches are supposed to be the offset of having no privacy, of being followed by media and fans alike, quite literally, of being shrieked and barked at like they’re trained performing animals (which I don’t like, either!). I know he knows that, but it doesn’t mean that it’s pleasant in any way. He handles it like a pro, because he is in every way a consummate professional. But it can’t be pleasant for him. He’s incredibly, extraordinarily generous with his time. As a performer myself, I know how I feel when I’ve just finished a solo concert or an opera - I feel like taking off my heels and fancy dress, putting on pyjama pants and relaxing every muscle I have on a couch somewhere, preferably with a tall drink in hand. Performing Hamlet is considered one of the most demanding male roles in the English theatrical repertoire, yet Benedict would not only perform it a stunning eight times per week, but then sometimes spend up to THREE HOURS signing autographs and taking selfies after. If he chooses to limit how long he gets screamed at by aggressive, even violent paps and shitheads who just want to use his signature for money, good for him! I respect that, even if I felt incredibly sorry for the people further back who didn’t get to have that, one brief moment of contact with this person we all admire so very, very deeply. And so, because of this, because of seeing firsthand how gross people are to him and just the sheer volume of what he puts up with for our sake, so that some of us, at least, can have that tiny moment, I don’t think I would do it again, if only to reduce that volume by one teeny tiny amount. I got my one, deeply, deeply hoped-for, fleeting, searing moment of contact. It’s all that I could have asked for. He saw me, and I had the chance to say some tiny part of my gratitude to him for what he gives of himself to all of us. That’s all I wanted. 

The wait, the near-suffocation, all of that, was worth it, to win that one precious moment. I clutched my precious ticket and fought my way out of the crowd and wandered dazedly off toward the subway, through late Friday night Times Square crowds, feeling so much that I didn’t even know how to process it. I felt like I was about to burst into tears and I couldn’t have even said why or whether I was happy or sad or possibly a cornucopia of every human emotion ever. I felt - and still feel - a bit like I just had a brush with an actual, blazing sun. It was shattering, and I will be forever changed by it. I am so grateful. 

[colinandezra-blog]

The Lobster interview Thrillist NY | September 9th 2016

Colin Farrell talked to me about love, longevity and lobsters by Matt Patches

‘God, love is still as confounding as ever. Just, what is it? It's unquantifiable.’

Manhattan's Baccarat Hotel is an old-fashioned luxury establishment where pleated silk drapes the walls, cafe tables are cut from immaculate white marble, and anything that could be crystal is crystal. But its bar is more like a cavernous speakeasy -- a chillingly empty one when I arrive to my interview with actor Colin Farrell to discuss his new movie, The Lobster.

Everything's a little off at the timeless setting -- Farrell himself, who appears to have walked off the cover of a fashion magazine; the view out the window, with mist drifting along the city block, just to make this feel as much like The Shining as possible; and the surreal conversation, which focuses on a movie about true love, carnal instincts, futuristic dystopias, and transforming human beings into animals. The venue for the chat with Farrell about The Lobster was so perfect that we didn't even notice that lobster rolls were on the menu.

This place is extravagant. C. God, it really is, isn't it? It's so empty.

Have you shacked up in any peculiar hotels over the years? C. The Parknasilla, the place we shot The Lobster, was pretty spooky not to just take the opportunity for some free publicity. Beautiful, but it was just old. It was on the west coast of Ireland, in a town called Sneem.

Is it close to where you grew up? C. About three-hours drive. From one coast to the other. Dublin is on the east coast and then Sneem is kind of southwest on the lip of the Atlantic Ocean.

In the movie, society threatens to turn your character into an animal if he doesn't fall in love within a 45-day window. Your brother had already been turned into a dog. Do you have a new sympathy for animals? Have you gone vegan? C. No. I am a carnivore, yeah. Or, omnivore. Every now and then I get a hankering for a piece of red meat.

What were you shooting when you learned about The Lobster? Did you experience dramatic whiplash? The movie is idiosyncratic in every way imaginable. C. I was in-between jobs and I don't think I had anything lined up. Had I lined up True Detective? I'm not sure if True Detective was on the cards because that came after The Lobster. I had seen Dogtooth, [director] Yorgos Lanthimos' previous work. I hadn't seen Alps yet, but I heard that the same director who did Dogtooth is making his first English language film. I thought this should be interesting, based on what an experience I had in the theater watching Dogtooth and how overwhelmed and assaulted my senses were. So I read the script of Lobster and I found it head-scratchingly good and beautiful and absurd and violent. A kind of kaleidoscopic experience.

Do you go to the movie theater often? C. I love going to the movies. Yeah, all the time. I'm a fan of film, first. I would hate just because I'm involved in the making of films for that to cut into my enjoyment of them as a cinema-goer. Room had a really kind of strong effect on me, when I saw Room. That moved me because of the writing and particularly the physical situation in the first hour of the film, it felt like there was a particular cinematic [experience] that was created, represented by the unusualness of the world that she presented to the child. I think that Brie Larson is amazing, but just to see a kid go through what you see that child go through in the film, I thought was incredibly moving.

The Lobster speaks universally about love, but do you think the idea of people scrutinizing romantic relationships satirizes Hollywood in a specific way? C. Not at all. I think the filmmakers have bigger sights than having a poke at Hollywood or any of those conventions. Yorgos and his co-writer start off with whatever the idea is they start off with, whether it's to do with romantic love or relationships. Then it branches out and becomes bigger and bigger and, as it needs to, the story involves.

So you didn't binge-watch The Bachelor to prep for the movie. C. No, never. That's my sister.

You and she attended the Met Gala together the other night. What the hell is that event like? C. Crazy, man. You stand there and you go on the red carpet and then you walk around the museum and then you sit down and have dinner and then you leave. It was my first time there. It was easy, actually -- it wasn't as overwhelming as I thought it would be. The red carpet was a bit of a big affair, but it was all incredibly well-orchestrated. Jesus, it was like a military mission.

The Lobster swings for the fences with its exploration of love. Did you walk away from the movie with romantic enlightenment? C. No, no. God, love is still as confounding as ever. Just, what is it? It's unquantifiable.

Though there are reporters who scrutinize your love life on a daily basis. That must be relatable. C. Yeah, there's that. Through the years you learn to try and turn a blind eye to that. It's not always possible to ignore what's being said or what's being spoken of in regards to you life. I live in Los Angeles, but I don't feel like I live in Hollywood. I truly don't. I'm not outside of it in a negative way. I'm not not part of the community. I go to the Golden Globes or whatever and I see people that I work with or people that I've gotten to know a little bit through the years. Outside of that or outside of the twice a year where I may step on a red carpet, I have no part in that world. I have a couple of kids and I have a couple of mates.

A big shift from a decade ago. C. Ah, yeah, ten years ago I was more... Life was just different. Just tipping 40 now, so life is very different than it was ten years ago.

Your character wants to become a lobster because he'll live for 100 years. Share the feeling? C. I wouldn't mind living for 100 years.

Really? What would you want to see? C. I don't know, whatever year 87 provides for me.

What will they think of Minority Report in 100 years? It's kind of a bit dated already! No, no, but shit's just moving very quickly. Retinal scans and tube stations and shit. Things are happening very fast.

Is that scary for you? C. No.

Now a moment of reflection. It's been a year since you jumped to HBO for True Detective. How was that experience, in retrospect? C. I loved it. I did, I loved that character. I loved playing Ray Velcoro. I really, really did. I could have kept going with it for a while. I know the receipt of it was sketchy. The first year was so strong, across the board, and it was such a shock to people. It came out of nowhere, seemingly, so the expectation was high and also the expectation of disappointment was present and all that kind of stuff. But I loved, from the inside, telling that story. I loved it.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Hey Arnold! The Jungle Movie review

Satisfying people is pretty damn hard. We all know you can never satisfy everyone; it’s just not possible, realistically. You can only hope to satisfy the largest number of people possible. And satisfying people with a grand finale to a beloved cartoon is even harder, because you need to wrap up all the loose threads, answer the outstanding questions, and bring the character arcs to a close. Shows like Avatar: The Last Airbender, Ed, Edd n Eddy, and Gravity Falls were able to do this really well, while shows like Danny Phantom, The Legend of Korra, and Teen Titans gave mixed to downright awful (that’s only in “Phantom Planet’s” case, don’t get your panties in a twist) finales. It’s fucking hard to do! And I can only imagine it is exponentially harder when you’re doing it for a show that ended without a conclusion fifteen years ago. But that’s what they finally did for Hey Arnold, the beloved Nickelodeon classic about a young boy in an urban setting getting into all manner of adventures with his colorful cast of friends. This story was over a decade in the making, set to wrap up the plot point of what actually happened to Arnold’s parents, a mystery that has haunted fans for years. And then finally, in 2015, we got word production was moving forward, after years of lost hope and acceptance that we’d never get the story. In 2017, it debuted on TV… was it as satisfying as a finale should be? Did this really live up to what it should be?

Oh fuck yes it did.

Look, I’m not gonna try and hide this, this was my most anticipated movie of the year, and while it isn’t the perfect film or the be-all-end-all of cinematic brilliance, it delivers a true Hey Arnold experience and gives us satisfaction and closure while still leaving room for more adventures. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves; you know what’s coming first! THE PLOT!

Set a year after the original series ended (try wrapping your head around THAT one), Arnold is having nightmares about never finding his parents. He has just about given up hope, until the day good ol’ Mr. Simmons announces there’s a contest that will give the winner the chance to go to San Lorenzo, the place where Arnold’s parents disappeared years ago. Arnold of course desperately wants to go, and with help from his best pal Gerald, his secret admirer Helga, and all the folks he’s helped over the series, he wins! But his grandparents tell him he’s only there for a class trip and not to go off looking for his parents… which Arnold sadly complies to, though he does try and look up his parents’ old friend Eduardo. All is not well, though; as Arnold soon discovers from Eduardo, there is a vicious South American pirate named Lasombra out to nab Arnold, believing that Arnold can lead him to a valuable treasure. Things get hairier from there as Arnold and the gang get held hostage by the pirates; can Arnold save his friends and find his parents, or is Arnold Shortman going to get cut down to size?

God it is so good to hear most of the original voice cast again! Yeah, Arnold and Gerald have new VAs since their old ones grew up (they do cameo in the film, though) and some had to be replaced due to their VAs dying since the show ended, but other than that… everyone is back! Maurice LaMarche is back as Big Bob, and just as much of a bullheaded jerk with a heart of gold as he ever was; Dan Castellanetta is still Grandpa Phil, and he’s still sharp as a knife after all these years (and now that I know who Castellanetta is, I can hear a great deal of Homer-esque delivery in Phil’s voice!); Tress MacNeille has returned as Grandma Gertie, and is as insanely entertaining as she ever was; Dan Butler brings the camp as Mr. Simmons, who is finally, in a brief but telling scene, confirmed to be gay; Nika Futterman and Kath Soucie return as Olga and Miriam Pataki, and most importantly, Francesca Marie Smith returns as Helga, voicing her without missing a beat, slipping into the role like a glove even after all these years!

And that’s not all, obviously, tons of the other kids and side characters have their voice actors return for this, and man is that just a big plus! And even if it’s only for brief cameos that have little bearing on the overall plot, god, it is so good to see characters like Pigeon Man and Stoop Kid again after all this time! This movie really delivers the fanservice, but not in a manipulative or cheap way; it truly feels like a culmination of the series rather than just going “Hey remember this?! Wasn’t that COOL?!”

As for new voices, the ones they got to replace do a fine job at replicating the voice actors they’re replacing while still giving their own flair. Mason Vale Cotton, the new  Arnold here, is especially great, giving Arnold the perfect young boy voice and even delivering some surprisingly emotional moments. If they do bring the show back for another season, they’d better keep him on as Arnold, because they really got something special here.

I’d also be foolish to not mention the big name in the cast: Alfred Molina. He is playing the villain Lasombra, and god, you can just tell he is having the time of his life. Lasombra is one of the most magnificent bastards you will ever see in any Nickelodeon production, and he’s an actual, legitimate threat. Chillingly, he manages to rack up a body count over the course of the movie, using his own men as bait for traps. And while there’s no blood, you see people actually, legitimately die onscreen in this Hey Arnold movie. What the actual FUCK.

The plot is just as good as you’d expect, though the pace of it moves a bit quick at some points, and there are some pretty corny moments, especially during the ending portion where Arnold is required to do something very obvious but is freaking out about not knowing what to do. It’s rather dopey, especially since Arnold is probably the smartest kid in his neighborhood. And then there’s some gratuitous CGI usage... Still, I can’t say that there’s anything that particularly ruins the movie outside of nitpicks. Let me put it this way; there are elements of Big Picture Show, The SpongeBob Squarepants Movie and its sequel, and Channel Chasers that I don’t think work particularly well, but they certainly don’t keep any of them from being fantastic films in their own right. The problems with this movie are small, few, and don’t hold it back too much, or even much at all.

This movie is ever so satisfying. It’s everything a fan could have wanted out of a finale of the show, everything we could have hoped for. It has a great villain, as much of the original cast as possible, a good story, solid pacing, funny jokes, and an actual conclusion to the series that puts everyone where they deserve to be! I definitely recommend this, especially if you’re a fan of the original show. As my most anticipated film of the year, I was not let down at all. It may not be my most favorite, but damn if it isn’t the most satisfying!

More TV shows need to take note: this right here? THIS is how you end your show… though, with any luck, we may get another season out of this. If we do, I think it’s safe to say Nickelodeon is about to hit a new Renaissance era, what with this and Rocko’s Modern Life and Invader Zim getting TV movies (and possibly resurrections as shows). The timeline we’re living in is weird as Hell, but goddamn is all this making it worth it.

[nanyoky]

Someone’s stomach still hates her, so it’s BREAD NIGHT instead of sushi night but HERE WE GO

lol cheryl. for just one tiny moment, i bet a couple kids were ready for a columbus style defamation and dressing down, but not our cheryl. nope. she’s just taking another opportunity to be the live action pacifica northwest.

“the southside kids are fine, but their parents are FURIOUS.” i’m gunna need more than that mayor mac- why? are the southside kids studying too hard now that they have real books? does sweetpea’s mum have to drive him all the way across town to his new school every morning? if the city shut down the school and absorbed these kids into the other district, the district buses would have to come to them, yes? so why would Mama Sweets driving him??? I NEED MORE DETAILS MAYOR MAC.

a neighborhood party for both north and southside. but the serpents are hired as security. do you see the problem here folks???? i mean- obviously not every single southsider is in the gang, but they are a good chunk of the people you’re trying to integrate into the community. so..... what’s really happening.... is a party of northsiders........ with southsiders as The Help. ......great plan i can’t wait.

there’s something really hilarious about the marked height difference between archie and hiram and archie is enjoying every inch of it- deep, deep down inside while he tries to figure out what the fuck is happening in his dining room.

me @ Hal: you’ve got the personality of a brillo pad go out in the garage or something

chic is chillingly cavalier, which is just how i want him, but betty brining up  the “cresent moons” on her palms was ham handed and awkward come on we were doing so much better with dialogue recently

this guy can’t possibly be legit there’s no way a trained agent of anything would trust archie with a can of pringles

there is just so much in the gang checking out betty’s picture of chic. kevin thinks he looks hot and maybe familiar because kevin likes pretty, hooded eyed bad boys who probably have a switchblade in their back pocket ((me too bro it’s okay)). veronica calling him “the omen.” betty sort of expecting but not knowing how to react to her friends thinking her long lost brother is a babe. also summarizing her current home life perfectly in how alice is being awkwardly infantizing and how hal is being definitely not chic’s biological dad and pissy about it. excellent. all excellent.

betty’s “hanging out with toni? cool. that’s cool” face is just... so betty.

“oldest living serpent” SHUT UP i bet he’s adorable i can’t wait

“your dad doesn’t like me” “what? no!” veronica is suddenly a worse liar than betty and that is SAYING something

veronica references the movie “foxcatcher” which i both want to see and don’t want to see and have been waffling about for over a year. anyone care to swing me on it?

varchie is lying to one another and it is all going to blow up so terribly

hoooooolllllyyyyyyy shhhiiiiitttttt. i see. this is a topical episode. and tangentially personal. i went to school near the dakota borders. i have friends who spent weeks at the pipeline protests. but also um.... why do i get the sense that for some bizarre reason, this is going to be jughead’s narrative....... *SIGH*

i need about twelve drinks right now. but also did i nail it with that columbus reference or what?

((fun fact to lighten the mood: my city is working on getting a statue of christopher columbus replaced with one of prince because he was from here and he “represents us better”. bless this midwest))

*HEFTY SIGH* mayor mac. i genuinely want to see more of your adulterous but charming affair with papa keller but you keep fighting tooth and nail to stay on my shitlist

kevin’s porn watching has solved a mystery that shouldn’t really have been a mystery to anyone? i thought fantasy fulfillment was pretty fuckin clear. also, kev, WHY ARE YOU WATCHING PORN IN POP’S WHAT THE FUCK BRO WHO DOES THAT

Archie: *jake peralta voice* why does everyone keep touchin my butt?

IS THE SHERIFF THERE TO WATCH KEVIN’S TRYOUT HELP MY HEART DON’T YOU *DARE* BE SHADY PAPA KELLER DON’T YOU BETRAY MY BOY

KEVIN’S GOOD. KEVIN’S A GOOD WRESTLER. MY LITTLE HEART.

none of these boys better make ANY comments about kevin wrestling or i will come after them with A BAT

this is a much needed self esteem boost for kevin- being better at something traditionally masculine than archie, the all american boy and I SUPPORT HIS PRIDE I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY KEV EVEN IF YOU LOOK AT CAM BOYS AT A PUBLIC DINER YA WEIRDO

this is an A+ sweater from betty holy jeez contender #1 for outfit mvp

bets did you watch a bunch of your brother’s sexy vids? holy jeez i need to feel better so i can have a drink ARE YOU ENJOYING THIS ESSAY I KNOW YOU ARE

kevin’s writing a gossip column now? i both love and hate this. give me a sample of it and i will swing one way or the other

“this is a story we need to tell” close jughead. this is a story you need to help the right people tell. as support. not the main voice. please tell me that is on its way. (i doubt it)

also i feel like the writers came up with this history of the gang, shall we say, quite a ways after casting of the gang.... not that the gang has to be all direct descendants of the tribe but.... still. 

kevin’s going to help archie practice cuz he’s the best of all of us. also it’s going to make him feel good about himself and i don’t begrudge him that in the slightest.

“you don’t really think this could be long term, do you?” chic you were living in a hostel where people get stabbed/their stuff stolen- how is that long term?

it’s a repeat but i think this is the first time this season we’ve heard a character’s original song? i miss the pussycats. i miss “we tell our own story” divas of color. i honestly kinda miss “i wanna be a musician” archie tbh. the music in general has taken a definite turn this season and i like all the retro but god the s1 soundtrack was SO damn good and atmospheric

Hiram has mastered the painfully overt backhanded compliment in a way i would have scoffed at two years ago but honestly i know people liek this now and it’s a nightmare.

lol veronica and archie turn this into the cold war of in-law relations. “i’m glad you’re not man enough to wrestle archie makes me feel like my daughter’s virtue is safe with you” “oh yeah well i think archie is hot” “yeah and we are TOTES comfortable kissing in front of you because our relationship is TOO HOT TO CONTAIN SO THERE”

*long, loud groan* oh my gggaaaaawwwwddd hal

that being said i kinda feel the same way about the narrative doing this weird displacement where Chic replaces Polly as the Problem Cooper and Sweetpea and Fangs are splitting up the threads of Joaquin’s storyline like come on writers either get your actors back or write something new- don’t just rework existing threads of character and plot for new faces.

kevin stop looking so eager we know hiram is a babe okay but that’s your friend’s dad

kevin and chuck both know enough about wrestling to know hiram is being a dick and not demonstrating for the sake of demonstrating. i mean- i don’t know shit about wrestling and i could tell that- but i have the benefit of knowing the narrative

“Get the message?” no hiram i think you’re being a tad too subtle. try farting on him.

TONI. THAT’S MY GIRL. FINALLY. THANK GOD. i was so scared this storyline was going to let jughead be this painfully white without acknowledgement but here we go. thank god. jughead has been whiter than i am recently and that is SAYING something.

okay so josie’s mad at veronica now which means we don’t get a pussycat reunion? DID THEY LOSE MELODY AND VAL TO OTHER GIGS??? JESUS RIVERDALE HOLD ON TO YOUR CAST ((i’m just assuming. i don’t know if polly and joaquin and melody and val and smithers all have other acting jobs keeping them from doing riverdale- it’s just it doesn’t make sense narrative-wise so i assume it’s a scheduling thing))

“cameras aren’t here, jackie o” that’s my girl

“the old ways die hard it seems” SOCIAL COMMENTARY

i love this wrestling plotline for many kevin reasons, but one of them is it gives and opportunity to show kevin interacting with a male friend. they’re obviously making a better effort to make him more than the “sassy gay friend” but this is one i feel a lot of people would miss. we’re used to gay men befriending women and being romantically involved with or lusting after men exclusively. but kevin and archie are friends! and we love them both! kevin jokes around about archie being hot and neither of them are uncomfortable! archie goes to kevin for help with something kevin has more knowledge/skill at! if i remember right archie was the first one to call joaquin kevin’s boyfriend! they are bros! and this is just really nice!

also how did i not notice kevin is ridiculously buff before? did he beefcake up between seasons or did those sweaters just slim him down a lot somehow? woops better go back and rewatch season one again to check. god what a chore.

chic is AGGRESSIVELY questioning betty’s intentions because we aren’t aware enough that he has TRUST ISSUES

i still don’t know how i feel about any of this and i keep swinging back and forth on “dark betty” from episode to episode depending on what they’re doing with it

“i took care of her while you were in prison” “excuse me” OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT HERE LIES ARCHIE ANDREWS DUMB BOY GOOD BOY SWEET BOY

i really need to know what veronica knows about her parents and how she is biding her time and handling it because the writers are just not throwing her a goddamn bone lately other than to occasionally call out toxic masculinity

honestly i feel like i don’t understand hiram. maybe because i’m not a blindly competitive douchenozzle. but like- surely laying things out so bullheaded and aggressive can’t be a better strategy than lying in wait and learning what you can? he could pretty easily wreck their relationship- those two keep screwing things up between them anyway. it can’t be that hard to be subtle buddy ((hiram is a gryffindor. nell is a slytherpuff. nell does not understand lion people.))

we see more hints of veronica faking the koolaid drinking with her parents. but is that truly what hermione wants? who is real? season one or two hermione?! i must know!!!!

*jughead continues to make this about him* toni: “i thought you were apologizing.” thank god for tony. give her her own narrative and stop making her only scenes be about jughead one way or another. she’s got such potential

for all that i still think the narrative is still going to find a way to keep jughead’s feelings at the forefront of this plot thread, there was some good delivery on “i had no right.” a kid realizing for the first time that just because he feels really strongly about something, does not mean he’s universally in the right on the subject. i know so many grown ass adults who don’t know this. i’m just really hoping not just jughead as a character takes a step back for a bit, but the narrative lets him and uses the room he makes well.

of course hiram invites veronica thinking archie isn’t going to make the team

slap his butt ronnie

so which chuck are we getting today god only knows because his redemption never saw any continuation or closure beyond gettin flirty with josie so i have no idea if it was genuine

Me, who knows nothing about sports of any kind beyond that i like it when Klose does the flippy: Wrestling is an aesthetically stupid sport

we’re all acknowledging how very uncomfortable and surreal this is for veronica right? watching her boyfriend grapple with the guy who publicly humiliated and harassed her a few months back? but in like- a “sportsman behavior” setting? very weird.

was that archie realizing he was being tested? is dating a lodge like converting to judaism? gotta be denied three times and persist?

alice is being so painfully stepfordy and i’m frightened and intrigued by the moment when the other shoe will drop and chic sees the alice cooper we all know and love to hate and hate to love

again- i’m really shocked that like- no one read between the lines on what chic’s livelihood came from

“he has to go and you know damn well why” *clutches pearls* oh good heavens hal what reason could that possibly be??? i haven’t the foggiest

PENELOPE IS LIKE AN AMALGAMATION OF EVERY DISNEY VILLAIN EVER IN THIS SHOT I’M DYING

OH SHIT. OH SHIT. VERONICA AND THE PUSSYCATS.

like on the one hand, that was a fucking power move and i kind of just have to give props for the sheer audacity, but on the other hand PEOPLE NEED TO STOP CUTTING JOSIE OFF FROM ANY AND ALL SUPPORT SHE’S JUST BEING MANIPULATED AND ATTACKED ON ALL SIDES AND I NEED HER TO BE OKAY BECAUSE SHE HAS FAR TOO MANY FEELINGS IN HER BIG BROWN EYES

oh god oh god this is too fucking real i need a drink but i’m still sick fuck this is real. fuck. toni’s face. cuz honestly she’s tough but you can tell she’s not used to the spotlight and it took all her courage to get up and be the voice of the protest only to be derailed and minimalized fuck let this girl have more to do than occasionally be the voice of reason to jughead and the serpents. 

BAHAHAHA is hal going to sleep with penelope to get back at alice for having a kid with fp back in highschool jesus christ this show

i’m reserving judgement on the chic plotline until it progresses more but right now i’m just kinda “....huh.” about it

oh betty. oh honey. oh babe.

“That was the old me” archie has been through five “new me”s in the past month. i mean this is obviously to get on hiram’s good side, but still it’s hilarious.

oh of course. they couldn’t just let this fucking go could they. gotta frame the serpents for something else. or not! maybe it was the serpents! doesn’t actually matter. either way mayor mac, lodges and papa keller are going to be the absolute worst about it.

can we get back to being a gothic mystery show next ep? please?

Episode Scorecard:

Number of Sick Beatdrop editing sequences: none. it seems they’ve abandoned this, sadly, along with the rest of the season one soundtrack and editing style. which is a shame.

Do I Still Miss Joaquin: please just imagine wrestling matches with Joaquin dragging all the other teen serpents along with to be the loudest, rowdiest, Team Keller-est cheering section riverdale has ever seen. Kevin is equal parts pleased and mortified. cheryl and toni are dating by now, so cheryl makes them all tshirts. they all have no fucking clue how wrestling works. they love it.

Episode Hair MVP: jughead’s bangs were corkscrewing again- like mine do when my hair air dries just right. i live the curly/wavy combo life too juggie. i know it’s hard.

Episode Outfit MVP: betty’s felted floral sweater- tho i’m still perplexed by the collars on this show. someone in wardrobe has a signature and i don’t begrudge them- i’ve just never seen collars on any outfit anywhere like these ones

[doorianpavus]

Hey there Favourite avengers movies scenes? Favourite captain America movies scenes?

Hi!

Im gonna count Age of Ultron and the first Avengers in here tbh, AIW hasn’t came out yet but that trailer has me LIVING.

Avengers 1 had a couple of good moments. The last battle and Natasha Romanoff vs the Gangsters were really good. I also loved Steve in the boxing arena, with all the flash backs although i think it was very short. Short but sweet. The first time Thor and Iron man battle in the forest was hilarious, i loved it. All time fav scene from Avengers one though, is when Loki and Tony have that convo in his towers. Like, leading up to it with Loki on the Balcony and Tony staring him down as he was de-armored was intense. Also, it was so cool to see Tony try and keep calm and quippy when facing down Loki. I kinda got the impression Tony was bluffing the whole way through it, like i defo didn’t think he was expecting to get thrown out a window. (This is of topic, but i LOVED how Iron man 3 tied in so well with Tony in the Avengers. Like tbh, Tony is the only real human avengers if you take Clint and Nat of the team. Theres a god, a super soldier and the hulk. Then theres plain old human Tony who got thrown of Stark tower from the highest window and flew into a worm hole to save New york. I love how IM3 explored that being an Avenger fucked him up a bit.)

To be perfectly honest though, Age of Ultron was good when i seen it because i was still in that hazy, “Marvel is everything and i love them” phase. Now, i can see that its just not a good movie. It was great to see Steve and Sam again, and Nat and the into of the Maximoff twins but the movie was defo flawed. Our expectations were too high and ofc, it was never going to live up to Avengers 1. If i had to pick a scene, it would be the opening one where the Avengers assault the Hydra base. The party scene was also amazing, it really humanized everyone and was real entertaining to watch, honestly i could have just watched 2 hours of that party instead of 2 hours of Joss wheadon jerking all over Natasha Romanoffs characterization from Avengers 1/iron man 2

The Captian America Movies are the best in the Mcu in my opinion. Like, i stan Steve and Buck TO THE GRAVE, but when it comes down to it, their movies are just good. No ifs or buts because they are mcu movies. The Cap movies are genuinely good movies. All 3 of them have Bucky and Steve at the centre of it. The cap movies are about Cap, yeah, but they are also about Steve and Bucky. Everything Steve does is in direct response to Bucky. He literally travels across Europe in the first one to save him, he brings down Hydra in the second to save him and he goes toe to toe with Iron man and the might of a small African nation to save him. Steve Rogers Loves Bucky Barnes, the point that Steve puts his safety above everyone elses, even his own. In the first movie, i LOVED the musical number Cap does. The Star spangled man with a plan is iconic and Steve obvi loved it. I also loved all of Skinny Steves scenes. My fav though, is when Steve and his buds storm the Hydra base to save Bucky and they get trapped on the other side of the bridge. Bucky lands safe and Steve tells him to go. Bucky, with the most conviction i have ever seen, tell him NO, NOT WITHOUT STEVE. Its a PERFECT summery scene of their relationship. Bucky is going no where without Steve. I loved that Scene, the acting from Seb and Chris and the Reveal of the red skull is ICONIC and i loved it. 

Tbh, all of Cap 2 the winter soldier is brilliant. It is a wonderful piece of Cinema and can stand on its own as a good movie. It has so many good scenes. Robert Redford is a PERFECT villain as Alexander Pierce. He’s spine chillingly evil in the most stoic way. You grow to like him and then its like, oh…hes a Nazi and an abuser so….yikes. Any scene with The winter soldier in it is amazing. I really fell in love with him here. Bucky in Cap 1 was handsome and charming. You liked him. Though in Cap 2, hes not Bucky, not really. Hes the Winter soldier. And at first, hes this menacing assassin who is unstoppable had has literally shaped the world into what it is now…and then you find out its Bucky. You find out that this Machine was Bucky Barnes. The Bucky Barnes that Steve loved and grew up with and shared his entire live with. An abused and brainwashed Bucky Barnes was turned into a killer he never ever wanted to be. Sebs acting is on point in this movie, he kills it as both the heartless assassin and the longest suffering victim of abuse and torture. So any Winter soldier scene. Though my fav is probably the scene in the hellicarrier, when Steve and Buck finally meet and Bucky isnt wearing the Mask and hes not even Bucky. Hes the winter soldier who looks like Bucky and Steve is visually shook. This is the last thing he wants but the Winter soldier doesnt know better. Steve has to deal with 101 emotions in that moment. The winter soldier only deals with one. Then slowly, over the course of the fight, Bucky starts to try and break down the walls. “Im with you till the end of the line” is what tips him over the edge. The Winter soldier finally broke and Bucky is trying to get back out. Bucky is seeing what he has done to Steves face. The face of the man he swore to protect and love and care for all those years ago. And he’s beat it to a pulp. It was an amazing scene and viewing it a couple of times makes it so much better.  Again, Seb and Chris shine as actors in this scene. They take it from good to amazing.

Civil war, while i loved the drama between Buck and Steve, my fav scene was the one in Bucks apartment. It was awesome to see some Buckish meta, the little gadgits he had in his kitchen and the diary he owned. The action that followed the Bucky/Steve reunion was A+ and it was the longest scene of Bucky we’ve had up to that point. It was nice to see him in action, not quite as the Winter Soldier but not Quite as Bucky either. Tbh, anything Bucky or Bucky related in the MCU im all about it. 

Sorry this got really long but i got carried away. If i loved Bucky Barnes anymore than i do already i’d be Steve Rogers, and if i didnt already wanna equal parts die and kill for Steve Rogers, i’d be Bucky Barnes. 

[jemkook-blog]

begin

word count: 4590 series: wings pairing: slight jungkook/reader, implied yoonkook

warning! mentions of death, grief, and vague cruelty

Jeon Jungkook is not a normal man. If it wasn’t clear enough based on the wealth he now lived in, the throngs of people that seem to linger at his doorstep would be enough to clue someone in. Though the first floor of his three story house is open to the public, offering warm meals and soft beds to anyone who needs them, it’s not this that draws so much interest, nor is it the cause of the lingering unease that seems to surround the beautiful black and white home. The second floor is even more uninteresting than the first, with nothing more than bedrooms, bathrooms, and the like.

However, the third floor houses a far more interesting room. Spanning most of the floor space is a marble room, austere and cold, with little more than a few art pieces to give it life. Towards the back of the room is a straight backed silver throne, glittering in the harsh light. Its midnight cushions seem to draw the focus and the light from the room, drawing attention to the man who sits in it. Just above his head, a silver skull is embedded into the chair, a reminder of who the master of the house is.

It’s here that Jeon Jungkook sits, waiting for a guest to enter his room. The light outside is fading, so several candles have been lit in a path that leads toward the throne, their dim light causing shadows to play across the room. It’s fitting, he thinks, because this interplay of light and darkness is the closest that his visitors will ever get to understanding the true nature of the world. They fit into the world of the light or the world of darkness, but never both, each wondering what life is like on the other side. However, the realms of day and night meet in startling clarity through him, and he straddles the line between good and evil, swaying from side to side but remaining impartial.

A knock sounds at the door, and the man in the throne shifts slightly, resting his arm on the throne and propping his chin up with one hand. “Enter,” he says, voice soft yet still somehow resonant. The wooden door creaks open, and a young boy steps through, no more than fifteen, looking scared and frightened. Unwillingly, he feels a shred of sympathy tug at his heart. Once, he was in this boy’s place. Unlike him, however, the boy likely didn’t have the same gifts that he did. They had been his saving grace and the cause of his fall.

“You’re the Messenger, right?” the boy asks, looking away timidly.

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” Jungkook answers, a small smirk coming to his face. “I’m certainly not an actor or a fraud, if that’s what you’re implying.”

The boy shakes his head frantically, meeting the older man’s eyes momentarily before ducking his head again. “Not at all, sir. I don’t know why I said that.”

“It’s alright,” he responds, a smile coming to his face unconsciously. Though the corners of his mouth barely turn, it seems to comfort the boy. “What is it you need?”

“My father is dying, sir. I want to know what will become of him.”

“And can you pay?”

“I can give you all that I have, sir, but it’s not the price you require.”

Jungkook’s eyes narrow. “Then why are you here? More accurately, who let you in here if you don’t have the money to request my services?”

“Please don’t think that it’s the staff’s fault, sir. I can be very persuasive when I need to be. I’ll give you whatever I can, monetary or otherwise. I just want to know what the future holds.”

“I see.”

The boy drops to his knees, still steadfastly refusing eye contact, but spreading his hands in a plea. “I am desperate to know more, sir. You are the only one who can ease my curiosity.”

“What about the messenger to the east? He’s older than I am, and far more lenient than I am known to be.”

“I don’t want kindness, sir. I want the truth, and you are the only one who can deliver that to me.”

Jungkook leans forward, all traces of disinterest gone as a new light takes over his eyes. “You say you’ll do anything to learn the truth, right?”

“Anything, sir.”

“Give me all the money you have on you, save a few coins. That will help you get home.”

“You’re very generous, sir.” The boy digs out two fistfuls of bills, keeping only a single bill for himself. It totals out to approximately a thousand dollars, nowhere near his usual fee, but he supposes that the payoff might turn out greater than any monetary gifts.

Jungkook stands, his white shirt shifting around him in the slight breeze. He walks over to the painting just behind his throne, a gray sparrowhawk flying against a worn, blank background. “Come here. What’s your name, child?”

“Hyunjun, sir.”

“Hyunjun, tell me what you see in the painting.”

“A bird, sir.”

“Look harder.”

Hyunjun squeezes his eyes shut, concentrating hard as his eyebrows furrow. He opens them again, this time with a look of intense determination, and it’s then that Jungkook sees what he’s looking for.

Slowly, the boy begins to shake, his fists clenching and unclenching as his eyes roll up into the back of his head. He trades his concentration for intense pain, tears sliding down his cheeks, and the moment he relaxes, he flies backward, hitting the ground with a thump.

The brunette clicks his tongue with distaste, glancing fondly at the painting for only a second before striding over to the still trembling boy, heels clicking against the marble floor. “Get up,” he says, his voice losing any trace of emotion that it had earlier been imbued with.

“Sir, if I can ask, what was that?”

“Get up, Hyunjun. If you deserved to know, you would already, so I’m afraid I can’t tell you anything more than that.” He shoots a cutting look at the young boy. “Don’t look so injured. I’ll give you what I said I would, and I didn’t kill you, so you really did get quite the deal.”

The boy rises, following him back around to the front of the throne. “Stand there,” he instructs, pointing to the veins of black that marred the otherwise flawless white floor. He obeys, his hands still shaking. Jungkook lowers himself onto the throne and closes his eyes. To an outsider, he might look as though he is asleep, or as though he is a lifelike statue. Then his eyes open, changed from a warm brown to a cold crystal blue, and darkness envelops the room.

The candle smoke makes Hyunjun cough, but appears not to faze the brunette. Only he remains enveloped in light, surrounding him in an inconsistent and flickering glow. Slowly, a monstrous grin spreads over his face, sending shivers down the boy’s spine. His chillingly blue eyes focus on the veins of black on the ground, tracing upward until they meet the boy’s in the longest eye contact they had shared yet.

Hyunjun cannot look away.

He watches as the Fallen Messenger rises from his throne, taking slow steps as he walks to meet him. With every click of his boots, the boy feels a jolt run down his spine. Tentatively, almost as though he doesn’t wish to scare the boy, he leans forward and brushes his lips against the boy’s forehead. He then backs away, those startling eyes taking on a wondering look, seeming as though he’s receiving a message from God.

After all, that’s what he’s doing.

He sinks back onto his throne gracefully, the light dispersing from his body as he closes his eyes once more. One by one, the candles light, flickering back on until his eyes open once more, brown ringed by blue once more. “Your father will die,” he says nonchalantly. To Hyunjun, it’s inhuman; to Jungkook, it’s  just the way of things. “You could have done great things if you were a little stronger, boy, but you’ll have to settle. If you play your cards right, you’ll make it big in the Underworld. In the end, you’ll have exactly what you needed to save your father’s life.”

With that, he flicks his hand, clearly done with the boy. Shaking, not knowing what else to do, Hyunjun leaves, feeling the beginning sparks of rage ignite in his heart.

Jungkook stretches once, preparing himself for what was to come, then entered the dark room. There are no candles or electricity here by his request, and only instinct and a divine guidance shepherd his hands as he grabs the ink and the brush on a worn wooden desk. He draws a simple diamond, corners pointing at each wall of the room. Towards the north, he paints a tear drop, and he feels the moisture gather on his lashes and drip on the ground, though he knows it won’t budge the ink.

Toward the south, he paints a shattered rock, and he resists the urge to clutch at his chest as he feels pain spread through his heart. Toward the east, he paints a stilled wind, and all breath leaves his body. Still, it’s with steady hands that he paints the last symbol, a blazing fire. He’s  allowed three seconds of respite, then he catches  on fire.

The flames flicker blue and purple around him, and he fights off the urge to shudder in repulsion. It was fire that had ruined his life, fire that had scarred his soul, fire that had stolen the only love Jeon Jungkook had ever known. Yet he needs it, so he sits inside it like bitter rivals forced to work together, and he’s glad that he’s crying, that his chest hurts, and that he can’t breathe. At least for a moment, he can pretend he doesn’t enjoy what he does.

He rises to his feet, liquid blue eyes meeting the painted black ones on the wall across from him. His love is rendered in beautiful colors there, and Jungkook resists the urge to reach out and touch it, missing him with a passion that doubles the ache in his chest.He maintains eye contact with the poster, and the flames consume his mind as well. He remembers the heat that had emanated from the small building that had housed the first person who had taught him trust. He remembers seeing the ashes afterward, how nothing remained, not even the promise ring that the older man had bought just a few days earlier.

That’s right, my Fallen Messenger. Feed me your sorrow.

He screams, the tears on his cheeks crystallizing and exploding outward, leaving blood red marks in their wake. He beats at his chest as his breath began to return, the intake of oxygen fueling the dancing flames until they filled the room. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it vanishes. Though Jungkook can no longer see, he knows what he would find if he could. Everything would remain untouched except for the vanished ink diamond and the new vision that fills his mind.

He stumbles out of the room, his blue eyes darkening and shifting until everything burns gold, and a servant materializes from nowhere, handing him a long black jacket, which he dons quickly and proceeds to the throne room. At the end of the room lies a set of plain double doors, which he pushes open to reveal a white marble balcony. Although he can hear chatter from the throng below him that never seems to abandon their posts at his house, it quickly silences as he steps into view, his golden eyes casting a dim glow around him.

“Thank you,” he says, soft spoken, but these words alone cause a ripple of unease to spread through the crowd. “Is there a Jiyoon in the crowd?” The crowd parts in several places, revealing a battered old woman, a tired looking middle aged mother, and a young child. He shakes his head, something that should be imperceptible to the crowd, but they seem to get the idea. “Another,” he says, and the door at the front of the house swings open to reveal two well dressed and muscular men. “Guide them quickly.”

With every passing moment, Jungkook’s eyes glow brighter and brighter until the space in front of him is gilded with the harsh light. Twenty minutes pass, and he doesn’t move a muscle. The crowd hardly dares to breathe, freezing the moment in a portrait of wary subservience. Finally, the crowd parts once more, revealing a plainly dressed young woman with a serene expression on her face.

“Come in,” he says, and he can hear the crowd’s sympathetic mutters, acting as though he intended to kill her. He smiles, a clear signal that he’s finished with the meeting. “Thank you, everyone.”

He steps back, closing the doors to the balcony behind him. His thoughts are blurred, however, as his eyes fade back to brown, and he finds himself looking down at his hands quizzically. He takes a hesitant step toward the doors that would lead to the rest of the house. For some reason, he wants to say that this was all a mistake, that she could go home and that he had misinterpreted his vision. He knows that would be a lie, however, and in the grand scheme of things, what he saw in her future wasn’t nearly as bad as other things that he had seen before.

When he reaches his throne, he finds that he can’t remember taking the steps to get there, but he doesn’t question it, choosing to sit just as a knock comes. “Enter,” he says, his voice rough, though he can’t pinpoint why. He feels detached, as though he isn’t quite himself, and he can feel the press of tears against his lashes before he blinks them away.

Jiyoon steps through the doorway, wearing a plain white cotton dress and a remote look on her face. “What do you have to tell me, sir?” she asks, her tone respectful but flat, disinterest clearly marked in her distant features.

“Step closer,” he says, surprising himself. He prefers people to stand back. It’s more impartial that way, and yet he finds himself soothed when she comes closer. He closes his eyes, feeling the solidity of the chair beneath him and inhales, grounding himself. He must be having an off day. There can be no other explanation for the calm that spreads through him due to her presence. She lowers her eyes, and he suddenly finds himself irritated. The show of submission would be pleasing from anyone else, but he can’t stand it when it comes from her. He stands up, all traces of his usual disinterest gone as he stalks toward her, his emotions flashing in his eyes.

“It’s not a pleasant vision, as I’m sure you must have guessed,” he says, his voice edged with anger that he can’t quantify, nor can he understand its source. “In fact, I’ll make it simple for you. Either you rise and live in sin, or you die.”

“That’s an easy decision to make, sir,” she replies, lifting her eyes to meet his, and he finds himself taken aback by the cool determination within them. “I’d rather die.”

He winces before he can stop himself, nodding shortly. He should have been surprised. Most people would do anything to save their own skins, but from the moment he had seen her, he knew that she possessed a rare sense of dignity that he could respect. It’s familiar to him, and he finds himself pacing back and forth. It’s an old nervous habit of his, but he can usually control himself better in front of the townspeople. Something about her makes him drop his guard, and he can sense the confusion rolling off of her in waves. He’s nothing like the stories she’s been told, where he walked with arrogance and remained aloof, uncaring about the fate of those he doomed.

“Will you do something for me, then?” As her confusion multiplies, he amends his statement. “A small experiment of sorts, just to check something.”

She nods. “If it will help you, then I suppose I can do whatever you need me to, provided that I won’t be endangering myself.”

He hesitates, but plows forward anyway. “Honestly, it might. I can’t guarantee anything, but…” Jungkook’s eyes snap upward to meet hers, and he can read how startled she is by the look of desperation in them. He’s losing his cool, he’s nothing like how he’s supposed to be. He’s acting as though he’s still the mild-mannered, gentle boy of fifteen who delivered messages of hope rather than the hardened nineteen year old that he’s become, but he can’t help it. His world is fracturing, splitting at the seams, and he needs to know if he’s right about the source. “I really need to know,” he says, more honest than he thinks he’s been in months.

“What’s the harm?” she responds, sarcasm tinging her voice, but she offers him a placating smile. He probably looks like a wild animal, rabid and desperate for a small morsel of reassurance, but he can’t bring himself to care as he grabs her hand and tugs her toward the painting in the back, ignoring her surprised shout as his fingers interlace with hers. When they cross the room, he looks at the painting and prays more earnestly than he has in months.

Without letting go, he says, “What do you see?” He knows he’s squeezing her hand too hard, like he’s scared she’ll run away. He knows that this is the first time that they’ve met, but he hopes with all of his heart that he’s right, and that he’s not going crazy with grief.

Her eyes widen, and she quickly averts her eyes to Jungkook’s instead. She’s shaking, though it would probably be imperceptible if it weren’t for the fact that he’s still clutching her hand like it’s a lifeline, desperation coursing through him. “Too much,” she says, her eyes holding panic and fear.

Too much. The words ring in his ears, and he sinks down to the ground, ignoring that Jiyoon’s nails catch on his hand as it slides out of her grip, ignoring the blood that begins to well in invisible cuts on his hand, ignoring the fact that she crouches down beside him, concern in the hand that reaches out toward him tentatively, unsure if it’s needed or wanted. He looks up at her, and he sees the face that’s printed over her own, sees the rainbow colors of the painting in his ritual room streaked through her hair and swirling in her eyes. He clutches at his head, feeling a horrid headache coming on, but she’s still right beside him, and that propels him to lean toward her, catching a few strands of her soft hair between his fingers.

“Live in sin,” he chokes out, knowing that she’ll do nothing of the sort.

“Jungkook, are you okay? Do you need me to get anyone for you?” A laugh bubbles out of him, but he shakes his head.

“Please just stay,” he says, and she gathers his meaning instantly. She looks unsure, taking her time to decide whether this decision would be good or not, but she agrees, a small nod all he needs before he lets out a soft cry and envelops her in a warm hug, a few soft tears dripping onto her dress as he tries to steady his breath.

After some time passed, he finally pulls away, an apologetic smile on his face. It’s so different from his usual detached, monstrous grins that Jiyoon blinks a few times, shocked that a man renowned for being cruel can make such a gentle expression. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, a bashful blush crossing his face. “Don’t feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do.”

Yet Jiyoon finds herself thinking that if this is the boy who lies behind the uncaring harbinger of doom, she wouldn’t mind staying with him at all.

“So that’s the lower floors, and you’ve seen my area of work, so to speak…” Jungkook is practically bouncing off the walls with excitement by this point, his overeagerness apparent in the way he bounds down the hall. Jiyoon can’t help but let out a soft laugh every now and then as she sees how he behaves, more like a child than the regal countenance he keeps up in front of everyone. He stops in front of a nondescript wooden door, still smiling, but something in him is tenser than it was before. “Here’s probably the most important room in this house.”

He pushes the door open, letting faded light spill into the dark room. She walks in behind him, eyes roaming around the sparsely furnished room. Finally, her eyes land on the painting on the wall, and she looks at it, confusion in her eyes. “Who’s this?” she says, her voice high, like she has a suspicion that she doesn’t want to be confirmed.

His eyes darken and a frown paints his lips as he stares at the painting. “He’s…not anyone important.” He takes a deep breath, then forces a smile on his face. “Actually, he was once very important to me. You could say that he’s my reason for being.” A soft sigh leaves his mouth, and something about it propels her to take his hand in her own. He relaxes and continues, saying, “I used to be a good messenger. I don’t know if you remember that or not, but I tried to help everyone that I could. I came from nothing, so I wanted to help my people.”

“What happened?” she prompts, noticing the rising tension in his shoulders, how he seems to cave in on himself with each word. He grips her hand tightly, and she winces, but he doesn’t seem to notice, his eyes still hungrily tracing across the lines of the painting.

“He died,” Jungkook says, and that seems to end the conversation. He turns away from her, shaking off her hand and retreating into himself. Just as she begins to follow suit, he mutters something softly, almost too low for her to catch, but she manages to hear it.

“And I died with him.”

It’s been a week since Jiyoon joined the Jeon household, but he can see a change in his own attitude already. He smiles more easily now, allowing more people to come into his throne room for visitations. He’s lowered his prices partially, making more people able to afford his services. Though he finds it hard to provide his clients with favorable news, he tries to help them find solutions for their problems. He can’t help but feel a lightness in his chest that wasn’t there before. It’s not love; he’ll never get what he had back again, but this is the closest he’ll ever get to finding it again. She is his best friend, his only confidant. It’s not love, but he treasures her deeply.

He enters his ritual room after instructing her to go downstairs and help those who needed a meal tonight. The door shuts behind him, and he grabs the ink, hasty to return to her. The diamond he paints is perfect despite his rush, and it’s with a smile that he paints the first symbol in the north, a small mountain range, and he feels a strength in his chest that causes him to move more fluidly as he paints fire to the south. His eyes light up, fire billowing in his eye sockets, and a smile stretches across his face and touches his eyes, still crystal blue behind the reddish flames. To the east, he paints water, and he begins to slowly liquefy, his feet disappearing into puddles. Quickly, before the water can swallow his hands, he paints a gusting wind to the west.

His hands become water as well, and he has three seconds before it swallows his head as well. A wind starts up, scattering the puddle that is his body across the room until he becomes his own storm, water and wind and two orbs of fire streaking across the room.

That’s good, my Fallen Messenger. Feed me your joy. I haven’t tasted it in so long. I had forgotten that you possessed such a thing.

The water glows gold and begins to spin in a column in the center of the room, a beacon of light should anyone come in. The strength that had filled him begins to dissipate, making him feel more mortal than superhuman. The glowing orbs of fire in the center of the storm extinguish, and they leave in their place a wind battered Jungkook, rubbing at his eyes as the wind vanishes. He steps out of the room, his eyes already changed to gold, and finds Jiyoon waiting with his coat. She laughs when she sees his appearance and reaches toward him, fingers smoothing down his hair. She steps back, then tugs at his billowing white shirt, straightening it so that it stayed tucked into his black pants properly.

“Thanks, mom,” he teases, but she just rolls her eyes with a small grin on her face.

“You’d be a mess without me,” she quips right back.

And, possessed by the vision he had seen and the happiness that swirled within him, he leans down and kisses her, lips brushing softly against hers. He pulls away after a moment, and though no emotion can be read in his solid gold eyes, he seems a little sheepish. “Don’t get me wrong,” he says. “It’s not like that. I just didn’t know how else to thank you. I just acted on impulse.”

Her shocked expression morphs into one of understanding, and she pokes him lightly. “You’re lucky I’m not head over heels for you, Jeon Jungkook, or else I would be crying my eyes out.”

He ducks his head sheepishly. “Are you going to go home tonight? I want to spend more time with you.”

She shakes her head, and that’s all he needs to see before knowing that no matter how close he thinks them to be, there are things that she still can’t tell him.

He perks up as she continues, however, saying, “I have a surprise for you. I’m not sure when it will be ready, but I know you’re going to love it.”

“Sounds good!” he cheers, before looking at the sky outside. “I have to go, but you should get it ready as soon as you can.”

“Alright, you impatient bastard. Go on.”

He sends her off with a wave as he spins around, walking away with a bounce in his step. Once he’s out of sight, her smile drops, turning unreadable as she pinches the bridge of her nose. After a moment, however, she collects herself and begins the walk home.

She shakes the black haired man, trying to awaken him. He rolls over with a groan, flinging an arm over his face to shield his eyes from the dying light. “What do you want, Jiyoon?”

She sighs. “I shouldn’t tell you with that attitude. You’re lucky I’m in a good mood.”

“Well? Get on with it.”

She shoots him a sour look, to which he responds with a gummy smile. “Yoongi, I found your fallen angel.”

[paoulkaye-blog]

Action vs. Live Action

                 So… can we talk for a second about all of the live-action ‘remakes’ we’re seeing? I mean, okay, yes, Hollywood has run out of ideas, and Disney struck on a way to make even more money out of its old movies by remaking them shot-by-shot with actual people, but seriously. It even goes beyond that to movie adaptations of books, or comics (thanks, Marvel) or even video games. And why are some of these great and why do some of them suck?

                Let me just state up front that I am in no way a qualified film or entertainment media critic. I’m just someone who happens to enjoy a good story and feel confident in my ability to spot why certain elements work in some mediums, but not others.

                Personally, I was okay with Beauty and the Beast. I liked the actors, I thought they did a great job with the music, and some of the added scenes actually explained a few things that I was curious about.  I was NOT okay, nor do I think anyone was, with M. Night Shamablamadingdong’s The Last Airbender and its monumental waste of such an astoundingly good premise. The Super Mario Brother’s movie makes me cringe, Warcraft was pretty and actually more fun than I expected, Doom was… just… ugh, and the Transformers movies literally turn me into my 13 year old self every time I watch them. These are to say nothing of the other ‘darker and edgier’ reboots of countless older movies or shows that my generation grew up with.

                Now, look back on the movies mentioned and notice: The first is a movie-to-movie ‘remake,’ which is pretty straightforward, especially since Disney wisely avoided the ‘darker and edgier’ nonsense. You already have motion-picture length pacing and beats there, so it’s pretty easy to translate. The second was an attempt to shove a 26 episode animated season into a 2-3 hour long movie, and M. Night Sheboygan managed to surgically remove all of the fun and leave behind (and magnify) the Aangst. The video game movies have their own issues which I’ll go into later, and the Transformers have been longstanding victims of the basest of Hollywood whims: Marketing.

                So why are some of these good, and why are some of them awful? As I said before, Beauty and the Beast had the advantage of being exactly what it said on the cover: A live-action remake. Not a re-imagining, not something set in the same universe, a literal remake. At this point, Disney’s only real gambles were casting (and you cannot go wrong with Kevin Kline in my book), character design (admittedly not my favorite part) and what, if anything, they decided to add. I love that the Sorceress that curses the prince has an expanded role. I love that there’s an added moment of heartbreak when you discover what happened to Belle’s mom. I like that Gaston in this version isn’t just the town braggart, he was in the military and has a record to back up his attitude. What I got out of the new one was pretty much the same if not a little more than I got out of the animated one, and that’s worth the price of admission for me.

                The Last Airbender sacrificed too much of what was great about the original series to focus on the melodrama and high-destiny crap that, while present in the original, was always counterbalanced by the fact that our hero was 10-13 years old. Aang in the cartoon occasionally went off the reservation to have some fun, to sidetrack himself and his friends on this all important journey to save the world to just be kids for a while. Sure, that seems like needless fluff for a movie, but in the long running series, those side stories helped flesh out the world, deepen the connections between all of the characters (both good and bad) and with the exception of the Great Divide, all of them played an important role later in the series when the good guys went to recruit their friends for an attack on the bad guys. And, of course, there was the absolute screw up of the special effects or lack thereof for the various bending arts in the movie. Just… such a waste.

                Video Game based movies suffer the inherent problem of presenting the viewer with a world they are familiar with, ideally, and have had agency in through gameplay. Then the movie, by being a movie, removes that agency and tells a static story. Often with the ‘darker and edgier’ thing thrown in. The Super Mario Brothers movie was an early casualty of this, and it’s easy to argue that Doom wasn’t… Doom enough. That it was trying to be ‘Alien’ but with demons. And besides, turning an inherently arcade concept like Doom into a movie is just silly because the story is too flimsy on the face of it, and anything you fabricate to help tell a better story in that same arcade environment is only going to upset someone somewhere by not being ‘true to the original’.

                Warcraft got off sort of light here, I feel, since they went back to the beginning of the franchise history to tell an origins story. They were presenting a story that was pretty much always established cannon, with a few minor tweaks, but in a way most players in the Warcraft universe hadn’t been able to see before. All in all, Warcraft was a good video game movie because it did something the developer was not interested in doing with the game itself, and that’s the sort of partnership that cross-media endeavors like this can actually do well. Sure, it had issues with the acting, way too much CGI, and was a bit on the too-serious side when there’s quite of lot of tongue-in-cheek humor to be found in the games, but it told a serviceable story and looked pretty good while it did so.

                And then there’s Transformers. God, I love these movies, and I will happily admit that, but they are, objectively, bad. They appeal to the 13 year old in me, and that kid loves these movies, even if the adult I am these days has to cringe and sigh at some of the… I don’t dare call them ‘comedic’ moments. They’re just painful.

                Transformers bears multiple scars: It’s ‘darker and edgier’, it’s a marketing juggernaut, and in the vast macrocosm of Transformers, it had to twist and change and modify a lot of the existing cannon in order to be made in movie format. The fights are more violent, with punches and kicks that shear off whole pounds of metal instead of ineffectual laser blasts that fly all over the place. The stakes are higher, with Earth routinely being threaten by whatever the Transformers did there that we could think of this time. The humans are the most unbearable they have ever been, with only a few exceptions, and the story is often a convoluted mess that, when viewed objectively, makes no fucking sense from one half hour to the next.

                So why do I love them? Well, mostly it’s Optimus Prime. Dude’s a badass. Like, a badass beyond what you get in movies these days. Peter Cullen’s voice work does a wonderful job in portraying a tired soldier who is simply too fed up with Megatron’s nonsense to let him get away again. The immortal line ‘… Give me your FACE’ was one of the few times I ever stood up and cheered in a movie theater. The one armed beat down of Megatron right after the chillingly awesome delivery of ‘Let’s find out’ is burned into my memory. Seriously, the trailer for the fourth movie showed Optimus Prime riding Grimlock into battle. How do you not immediately go see that movie in theaters? The next one looks tailor made to appeal to my inner child, even just in the subtitle. ‘The Last Knight’? I like Knights. I like Transformers. Sold.

                But while I have such a big soft spot in my heart for Transformers, it indulges in the kind of nonsense that I just will not put up with from other movies, the cringe-inducing comedy being chief among them. There are any number of reasons for a remake to be bad, and they’re hard to get right, because you need just enough of the old and enough of the new that it will play on nostalgia and still be accessible and look good and… it’s just too much. Good remakes, especially live action ones, are hard. They are a challenge for any studio or director or crew to put together and have it go well. You either have to cut too much, or add too much, or change just that one thing that made the original work and… why do movie studios do this to themselves? Multi-billion dollar risks on things that have already been done seems like bad business sense.

                But for the time being, that’s the direction film entertainment has chosen to go. I’m sure I’ll get back on this subject later with regard to Marvel and DC, and maybe I’ll dig into projects that were announced but never got finished, and why that might have been a good or a bad thing, but that’s for later. Right now, I think I need to go dig up my copy of Revenge of the Fallen again and watch it with my kids. Watch most of it with them, maybe. Some of it. I’ll be skipping around, I think. Thanks for reading.