#Globalism China Masks

[caesium-55]

—seven days. [ vi.ii ]

pairing: max verstappen x manager! reader.

summary: as the third time world champion, max verstappen's manager, you function on the belief that whatever max verstappen wanted, max verstappen shall get. but this time, after four years of working as his manager, you can't give him what he wants anymore and that was to stay.

author's note: guess who's not listening in her calculus lecture rn. also, wifi is acting funny rn.

tags: @whatamidoingwithmylife-ramdom @eugene-emt-roe @bellezaycafe @barnestatic @theseerbetweenus @wcnorris @notyouraveragemochii @lpab @vildetry06 @a-beaverhausen @formula1mount @loloekie @alucardsdaddyissues @juky-ps @cassianswh0reeee @devotedlycrookeddonut @amberpanda99 @supermaxv1 @evie-119 @spideylovin @harianaswhore @formulaal

masterlist.

2020

There have been a lot of new protocols to follow. Social distancing. Wearing face masks. Races being rescheduled. Australia, China, Netherlands, Monaco, Azerbaijan, Canada, and France are canceled. Vietnam is postponed. The first race of the season takes place in the Red Bull Ring in Austria and Max gets a fucking DNF.

After exchanging Instagram accounts in December, Max has spent a normal amount of time stalking your feed. That's what you do when you’re trapped inside your apartment alone because of a global health crisis, you explore the online world.

It seems like you’ve been operating the account since your university days and a lot of your posts show a side of you that’s different from the manager he knows. He learns that you play billiards competitively. You've even reached an Australian tournament. He learns that you watch NASCAR and motocross and drift racing. He learns that you know how to drive a firetruck. He learns that you like partying in LA and you took up volunteer work in the LA fire brigade around your sophomore year. He learns that you’re particularly fond of taking pictures of the skies at different times of the day and the things you’re studying. He notices that you only post group selfies or low angle blurry selfies of you. You don't take pretty pictures of just you.

The oldest post is a photo of you offering a middle finger while smiling and filling up the gas tank of a truck. You're also wearing a red sweatshirt with the letters USC written at the front and skinny ripped jeans. If you swipe right, the next photo shows a picture of you and your group of friends writing on papers on the hood of the truck. Max sees numbers and scratches and crossed out sketches. Max notices a canned beer on your other hand while you press down on your scientific calculator buttons and shakes his head. You do not change.

The latest post is a photo dump of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix in 2019. A picture of the aerial show, grainy zoomed in pictures of the garage, selfies with the mechanics, a bathroom mirror selfie, and a blurry picture of a beer in your hand from the after party. He presses like in every post, latest to the oldest.

you: fucking stalker

max: fuck you

max: *sent a photo*

max: nice teeth by the way

you: i hate you

you: *sent a photo*

you: ya think im the only one who looks ugly with braces?

Since then, Max’s relationship with you has considerably improved. The two of you spend a lot of nights dm-ing each other on Instagram and sending each other reels.

max: SOS

you: ??

max: I THINK THE STOVE IS ON FIRE

you: the stove is supposed to have fire

max: ITS ON FIRE

You and Max sit on the floor, back against the kitchen counter, chest heaving in quick breaths, shoulders bumping against each other. You hold the fire extinguisher close to your chest and your eyes are closed and your lips are parted a little. Max observes your side profile.

You're not a categorically attractive woman. But with the way the sun rays enter Max’s kitchen window and hit your face at all the right angles, you look like someone worth missing a sunset over. Max allows himself to stare and mentally tries to convince himself that this is a very normal amount of staring at one’s manager slash friend.

He’s crossing the line that divides friendship and something unnamed.

“Do you need me to call maintenance so we can get your stove replaced?”

Max nods.

“Yes please.”

You post a new picture on Instagram after a long period of dryness. Max gets a notification. He checks it out.

The caption reads: meet my full time dog and part time boyfriend

The picture is blurry and grainy but Max can make out your face perfectly. There’s a billiard table. Max sees a person in the background. A man. He's wearing a Williams shirt.

Is that a racer? Max immediately thinks of Nicholas Latifi. You and him are around the same age. But the blurry man in the picture doesn't look like Nicholas. The hair color and the build is different. George, maybe? He’s a year younger than Max. Do you prefer your men younger? Scratch that. That’s impossible. Max knows he has a girlfriend named Carmel or Carmen or something.

max: you have a boyfriend

you: youre fast

max: when did this happen?

you: uh

you: earlier?

Max resists the urge to hurl his phone across the room.

max: details [name]

max: i need details

you: nuh uh kid you havent unlocked that level of friendship yet

you: that's friendship level 8 ur still on level 6

max: i will hunt you down and force you to tell me

max: and don't call me kid i'm one year younger than you

you: id like to see you try

max: i think u forgot im the one who gave you the apartment where u live rn

You introduce Leo to Max a month later.

Leo is a British brunette guy with a face that one would consider mid in Europe but a ten in the US. He is one of the Williams mechanics. You mention that he used to do karting as a kid and even went up to F3 but he’s decided to discontinue his racing career because he thinks engineering and the technical aspects of a formula car is far more interesting than racing.

He’s basically the complete opposite of Max.

He’s a good guy, Max can tell. He’s well-mannered, he’s calm, he knows how to treat you right. Above all else, he makes you the happiest. You have the most genuine and beautiful smile on your face when he comes into your view.

He also handles your relationship very maturely. He doesn't demand. He understands that you work for different racing teams with different jobs and that means different priorities.

The weekly IG posts are also too cute. It looks like it came out of a Pinterest board.

Max will never tell you that he spends a good hour every time you post something with Leo in it like an obsessive freak. He tries to make sense of the feeling in his chest. Something green. Something ugly. Something he can't name.

Max should be happy that you found a guy as great as Leo. But he cannot, for the life of him, be fully happy for you. He doesn't know why.

“PR told me that you received a dinner invite from Kelly Piquet,” you state, sitting down on the empty chair across from him and putting your packed lunch on the table. You carefully lay the folded clothes on the other chair. Max deduces they will be the ones he’ll be wearing for the interview scheduled in about two hours. You already sent him the list of questions in his email but he hasn't opened them yet.

“Yeah,” Max says after swallowing. “She’s been sending invites since two months ago.”

“And you left her on seen?”

Max scoffs, “I didn't leave her on seen. I just…well, I saw them late and declined them politely.”

He knows Kelly Piquet. He’s aware of the history she shared with former Red Bull Racing now Toro Rosso driver, Daniil Kvyat. Max also knows she’s the daughter of Nelson Piquet, retired Formula One champion. He thinks it's rude to take the guy’s ex-girlfriend after he’s taken his seat in Red Bull.

“She’s interested in you,” you claim, opening the tupperware and quickly saying grace before digging in.

Max is not good with dealing with women. Twenty-three years old and he’s still girlfriend-less. But he knows how to recognize people who are interested in him. A significant number of women have tried their chances with him since he began racing professionally and he may have used you as some sort of getaway driver to get him out of all the awkward situations where he has to deal with women who are interested in him.

You have a very scary resting bitch face if you try hard enough. Its efficiency in scaring off people is proven to be, well, efficient.

“Yeah, I suppose.”

“Are you interested in her?” you question.

Max thinks about it. Really thinks about it.

“Do you think it’ll be good if I get a girlfriend?” he throws you a question instead of an answer.

“You're twenty-three, man. It's about time you start doin’ somethin’ about your empty dating history.”

Max nose scrunches but doesn't say anything because it's the truth. His dating history is hilariously empty.

“What’s your opinion of Kelly?”

“Uh, cool pussy, I guess. Don't really care.”

Max rolls his eyes, “You’re so crude.”

You shrug uncaringly.

“But I don't mind who you wanna date, man. I mean, it's your life. Date who you wanna date. Live the life you wanna live. All the jazz and shedazzle.”

Max accepts the dinner invite.

The 2020 season ends with Hamilton standing at the top, officially becoming a seven-time world champion. Bottas is behind him. Verstappen, like 2019, still stands in third place. Max vows 2020 will be the last year Hamilton becomes a world champion. The team doesn't hold a big afterparty like it usually does and Max flies home to Monaco immediately.

It's been months since he's started seeing Kelly and the woman is pleasant company. Her daughter, Penelope, is the most adorable human being that ever stepped on Earth. Max loves the little bean with all his heart and he himself is surprised that he’s capable of loving a little human this much. He’s practically convinced that he’ll be a shitty father one day. He does not have a good model figure to look up to when it comes to fatherhood.

Little P, Max learns, is obsessed with crocheted things. Max sees her little bags and little hats—all crocheted. Kelly says she pays their housekeeper to make things for little Penelope because she likes them so much.

Max decides he wants to learn how to crochet. He buys the material and learns through hundreds of Youtube videos. His first masterpiece is a bag. It's white and light orange. He shows it to his mum, who questions how on Earth did her son take an interest in a hobby other than racing or anything car-related. Despite that, she compliments it and Max feels confident that you’ll like it, too, now that he’s gotten his mother’s approval.

He finishes making it by the eighteenth day of December and he calls you, hoping he has the chance to give it before you fly down to Texas for the off-season. But you already left Monaco, just the day before and are now spending the first few weeks of the break in New Zealand with Leo.

“So it's serious?” Max asks you over the phone. He stares at the dark sky in Belgium. There's no stars tonight. Only the moon and it’s looking down at him like it's mocking him. Max wonders what the sky looks like in New Zealand right now.

“Of course,” you say.

“Well then, enjoy the holidays.”

“You, too, man.”

The call ends.

2021

Max sees you enter the Red Bull hospitality. The first thing he notices is that your shoes are brand new. Same model—the black and gold YSL Opyum heels, yes he knows the name because he searched it on Google—but brand new. Your bag is also brand new and it’s not the old cream-colored tote bag with peach prints. It's a cream-colored tote bag with Van Gogh’s painting—the Starry Night—printed at the front. You show it to Max excitedly and tell him that it's from Leo, the bag and the shoes, and Max fakes a smile the whole time. When he returns to his room in the evening, he throws the crochet bag he made over December in the trash bin. Kelly sees it but she doesn't question it.

“PR suggests that you film a Tiktok.”

Max groans, throwing his head back and rolling his eyes to the back of his head.

“Tell them no.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun,” you encourage him, shaking his shoulders. “There's a lot of dance trends right now.”

“I said no, [Name].”

“Max.”

You throw your hands on your waist, looking at him pointedly with your lips pursed. Max returns the stare.

He gives up after five seconds.

“Fine.”

You huff in triumph.

“But you’re doing it with me,” Max bargains.

“Oh come on,” you throw your hands in the air.

“Now you know how it feels. Tell PR that I’m not going to film a Tiktok unless you film it with me,” Max smiles cheekily.

You're not going to film a Tiktok video with him. He knows you hate filming yourself and posting it for the public. There's a reason why you avoided cameras as if it’s the sun and you're a vampire and had all your social media accounts in private.

You pull an unexpected move and you nod your head.

“Fine.”

Max’s smile drops.

You film a Tiktok using Red Bull Racing’s official Tiktok account. A simple dance. Max does not know the title. The steps are simple and it's easy to memorize. He believes he can do this fairly easily. You don't look like you’re having fun while memorizing the dance steps but you're not overly struggling.

You film the video in three takes. When Max sees the final outcome, he cringes. His long limbs look awkward as he performs the steps despite thinking that he’s doing fine while filming it. You, on the other hand, look fine.

You look good while dancing actually. There’s a certain grace that accompanied your movements.

“You dance good,” Max comments.

“It’s the Latina in me,” you claim, raising your chin a little.

Max snorts.

You show the draft video to the PR team. Without hesitation, they scratched it.

“Why?” Max asks, brows furrowing.

“Apparently, they're too tired releasing statements that we’re not dating. They're afraid that the Tiktok video would bring back our dating rumors,” you roll your eyes. “They’ve decided to just make you do a Tiktok filter game.”

Max does the one filter where he has to solve the simple math equations projected on the screen. He has to tilt his head to the side where the right answer is placed and he needs to do it quickly.

Max is not bad at Mathematics. He’s not good at it either. He’ll say that he’s just average at it like every human being on Earth.

You sit beside him, barking him the answers before his brain can even process and perform the required operations.

“60 points. That's not good enough,” he says.

You nod, “Damn right. You're not tilting your head to the right answer fast enough.”

“Maybe you're not giving the answers quick enough.”

The video gets more than ten takes. The two of you don't stop until you get the perfect score.

Monza is a disaster. To summarize: the 53-lap race is won by Daniel Ricciardo, who has now moved to McLaren. He capitalizes on a good front-row start and the crash between Max Verstappen and Lewis Hamilton to take the race lead. Lando, Daniel’s teammate comes in second with Mercedes' Valtteri Bottas in third. Max and Lewis—DNF.

Max doesn't remember the last time he’s been that angry and the anger doubles when he sees the seven-time world champion celebrate on the tracks. Max then decides that he’s going to be more risky, especially now that he knows how safe the car is. Max is willing to risk his life for number one.

Max lies in the medical bay and he hears voices outside. Too many voices. He’ll appreciate it greatly if the voices disappear. He's too angry right now that the noise of the outside world is too much.

“Max?”

The voices disappear and it's only you he can see, he can hear, he can feel. You're everything.

You said it. His name. It sounds even better than he imagined.

“[Name].”

After making sure he’s okay, you tell Max that you wish to go to Danny and congratulate him for winning. Max grabs your hand, unwilling to let go.

“You're not his manager anymore,” Max reminds you. “You're mine.”

He’s very much aware that he sounds like a child who refuses to let his older brother borrow his favorite toy but he cannot find himself to care. Screw Daniel.

You give him a long look but follows his demands anyway, “We’re gonna congratulate him later whether you like it or not. He’s our friend and he just got P1. We’re gonna be happy for him 'cuz that's what friends do. I’ll drag your ass to his hotel room if I have to.”

Jos Verstappen is not happy. When has he ever been happy with Max anyway? He calls Max after the Monza race and proceeds to yell because that’s all he ever does with Max. He yells. Max is embarrassed that he’s twenty-three and he’s still getting yelled at by his own father.

“Your Dad’s an asshole,” you stated after he ends the call. Max knows you heard his father’s voice even though he has not put the call on loudspeaker.

“Don't talk to my Dad like that,” he reprimands, though not unkindly. “But yeah, he is.”

You snort, “You okay?”

Max lets out a shaky breath, nodding weakly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. You would think that after all this time I would get used to it but I don't know. It still makes me feel so uncomfortable and like I'm doing everything wrong even though I've been doing that for such a long time now and I've achieved so many things he asked for."

Your gaze softens and Max mentally begs that you stop looking at him like that. He does not want your pity. Pity is for the weak. Max is not weak.

You open your arms, “Rein it in, big guy.”

“What are you doing?”

“You need a hug.”

Max hesitates but he invites himself to your arms anyway. He allows himself to melt. In your arms, he feels like he's home and that he's good enough.

The breakup happens two race weekends later. Max is not dumb nor is he so emotionally indifferent that he cannot sense if a person is going through a breakup especially if that person is someone so close to him. He already knows there’s something wrong and he knows exactly what’s wrong and yet he still asks, “What's wrong?”

“Nothin’,” you say a little too quickly as if you already know that Max is going to ask the question.

“[Name],” his fingers circle around your wrist. “It's not nothing. Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?”

He wants you to open up. He wants you to say something. He wants you to share the heartache you carry so it won't feel heavy on your shoulders. He wants to be someone who’ll carry your problems with you when the world feels too big and you too small.

You sigh shakily, forcing a polite smile. Your hand comes up to squish Max’s cheek in between your palms and Max’s brows rise slightly at the action. Your hands feel cold and they’re trembling slightly and Max wants to point it out, but he sees how your lips wobble and his mind just blanks, “It's not important. You only have one thing to think about and that is to win. You hear me?”

Max considers marching to the Williams Racing livery and demanding for Leo Stark but he chooses not to. You won't want him to, anyway.

Max never realizes how horrifying blood is until he sees it dripping down the side of your head. He watches as your face changes from shock to realization to absolute anger. It’s like watching you transform from human to a rabid animal who wants to shed blood. At first, he tries to pull you away and calm you down. When he sees the girl’s boyfriend appear, Max joins the fight. No man is allowed to hit you. Not on his watch.

The higher-ups are not the happiest when they learn of what happened. The PR team is having a field day as well. Someone captured the event in video and posted it online. Max has been given a script for the video he’ll have to do to save his image but it’s written differently. Different in a way that the way the words are arranged feels odd to him unlike the way you write your scripts for Max. You write the scripts as if Max is the one who writes them. You write the script in a way Max will write them. Because you know him enough to know what kind of words he wants to use and how he’ll phrase things. You choose words that are easy on his tongue and you structure the sentences so that he can memorize them easily.

Helmut is the one who says, “She should leave the team.”

“If you fire her, I’m leaving,” Max decides.

Christian narrows his eyes at him, “You won't dare.”

“Try me,” he challenges. “I am willing to pay millions to leave if she leaves.”

The other teams want him, Max knows. They know he’s rising to stardom, a racer who can stand equal to Lewis Hamilton in the right time. Red Bull is too afraid of spitting out their star now. Not when Max is already giving Lewis Hamilton a big run for his money this year. Not when Max just showed the world that he’s capable of more than just being third place.

The wretched Hamilton fan decides to sue and Max calls upon his mother’s help to find the best lawyers to fight for you. Sophie willingly helps him.

Max is going to protect you, like you always do to him.

[covid-safer-hotties]

Alarm bells ring in Japan as experts warn of fast-spreading new Covid variant KP. 3 - Published July 19, 2024

Paywalled at the South China Morning Post: Unpaywalled by Covidsafehotties.

The country reported a 39 per cent week-on-week surge in infections from July 1 to 7, with Okinawa the hardest hit

Japan is grappling with a new and highly contagious coronavirus variant that is fuelling the country’s 11th wave of Covid-19 infections, health experts warn. The KP. 3 variant is spreading rapidly, even among those who are vaccinated or have recovered from previous infections, according to Kazuhiro Tateda, president of the Japan Association of Infectious Diseases.

“It is, unfortunately, the nature of the virus to become more resilient and resistant each time it changes into a different form,” Tateda told This Week in Asia. “People lose their immunity quite quickly after being vaccinated, so they have little or no resistance.”

Tateda, who sits on Japan’s advisory panel formed at the start of the pandemic, said the coming weeks will be critical as authorities monitor the variant’s spread and impact.

While hospitals have reported a sharp uptick in Covid-19 admissions, Tateda said he is “relieved that not many of these cases are severe”. Typical symptoms of the KP. 3 variant include high fever, sore throat, loss of smell and taste, headaches, and fatigue.

According to the health ministry, medical facilities across Japan logged a 1.39-fold – or 39 per cent – increase in infections from July 1 to 7, compared to the previous week.

Okinawa prefecture has been the hardest hit by the new strain of the virus, with hospitals reporting an average of nearly 30 infections per days. The KP. 3 variant has accounted for more than 90 per cent of Covid-19 cases nationwide, the Fuji News Network reported, leading to renewed concerns about bed shortages at medical facilities.

Since Japan’s first detected Covid-19 case in early 2020 involving a man who returned from the Chinese city of Wuhan, East Asian nation has recorded a total of 34 million infections and around 75,000 related deaths. The country’s Covid-19 caseload peaked on August 5, 2022, when more than 253,000 people were receiving treatment.

Japan’s uptick in cases coincides with similar increases being observed globally. In the US, the Centres for Disease Control and Prevention reported a 23.5 per cent week-over-week rise in the number of people visiting hospitals with Covid-19 symptoms during the week ending July 6.

High-profile US.figures such as President Joe Biden and Doug Emhoff, husband of Vice-President Kamala Harris, have recently tested positive and gone into isolation. Meanwhile, several riders in the ongoing Tour de France cycling race have also returned positive test results.

Experts say it is too early to determine the full impact of the new variant on Japanese businesses or cross-border activities like travel. Precautionary measures are already in place at the country’s air and seaports to monitor the health of incoming arrivals. However, the global spike in cases may deter some Japanese from venturing abroad this summer.

A recent survey by Nippon Life insurance found that just 3.2 per cent of Japanese plan to travel abroad in the coming months, which is likely to depress annual travel figures once again. In 2023, Japan saw 9.62 million outbound travellers, a recovery after three years of extremely low pandemic-era numbers, but still far below the 20.01 million outbound travellers recorded in 2019.

Despite the latest surge, infectious disease expert Tateda insists there is no need for panic in Japan. However, he emphasised the importance of following precautions implemented during the pandemic’s peak, such as mask-wearing in public, handwashing, and social distancing.

Tateda also stressed that anyone testing positive should immediately isolate themselves.

[aspiring-writer-hidden-voice]

Omegaverse MHA/BNHA Poll Result: Katuski Bakugo

Implied female reader (specifically female Omega). Mentions of abuse, language, blood, rape, assault, cannibalism and mating.

With the uprising of villains, the Heroes of the world have congregated in a secure and highly secretive location with several country heads and Top Hero Ranking Holders of the World in the room; Japan, US, Persia, China, there are heroes from everywhere within this one room under the same roof. The room is large, considering square footage, but the sheer volume of bodies within those four walls quickly made it feel too small. Males of various body shapes were stuffed within this conference styled gathering space with various tables, chairs, and a podium; large, small, lithe, muscular, thin lean, mutant characteristics, nearly every type was represented within this room from the different countries of the world. Wolves, hyenas, lions, goats, boars…at least one member of every genus group was present. Nowadays those were rare since bloods had mixed or migrated so pure bloods were difficult to come by. However that didn’t dismiss that the power of Alphas was evolving with the times. Deep, guttural instinct lived deep within each male in existence. It was now a choice of just how much those traits were awakened and used. Having so many Alphas within such a small space was a ticking bomb though but the reason they had been summoned was one of great importance.

“The answer is simple: we need more heroes!” The statures Alpha from China barks loudly, his fist impacting the table in front of him; the scent of raw meat coming off of him that made those nearby wrinkle their noses slightly since it wasn’t the freshest. “We cannot keep losing our strongest to the villains without proper replacements or support!”

Another Alpha, a heavier set man wearing Presidential Medals and Honors from the US, snarls beneath his breath with growing anger than manifests within his rising volume as the air around him becomes tainted with fryer grease. “And what do you suggest we do about it, hm? Only Omegas can birth Supers and your country spread the green light to hunt them down to extinction level! Now there are no Omegas for anyone! Way to go, you morons!”

“Enough!”

Silence falls as a single figure moves to stand at the room, looking out across the Alphas who ranged in age and genus pool.

The man is ordinary looking, none were capable to distinguishing of which niche he belonged to, however there was an air about him that exhumed seriousness and a demand for cooperation. He rubs his forehead as silence slowly falls when silence slowly falls. “The reason we have issued a global meeting of this caliber is because there is still hope for a solution.”

In the very back of the room an Alpha hero from Egypt smelling of water lily incense leans over to speak in a whisper to the young blond Alpha from Japan who looked to be bored out of his mind. “How much you want to bet they want to do splicing or DNA transference, friend?” He rumbles with a roll of his eyes, not expecting an answer as he rights himself within his seat.

An unamused expression crosses the blond’s face, features settling into a resting scowl as he glares at the man leading the assembly meeting with narrowed red eyes. ‘Why was he even here?’ he couldn’t help but question internally. All Might had made it seem like a high honor of some sort, a challenge even, but ever since he got here there’s been only yada-yada while sitting around like a bunch of slugs! The tapping of his finger against his thigh conveyed his slow ascent into the upper range of his temper which was beginning to grow with each passing second. The hero known as “Dynamight” is an Alpha of a high temperament, lean yet powerful body, battle IQ on par with some of the older ones present, red eyes blazing from beyond the black mask covering his upper face, blond hair sticking upright in various directions.

Clasping his hands behind his back, the assembly head begins to walk from one side of the room to the other. “I’ve called you specific Alpha Heroes here today because of your genetics and genes would be most valuable in the future. As you may have noticed, all of you are also unpaired or undated up to this point, which was a requirement for what we wish to accomplish.”

The Explosive Hero scoffs beneath his breath. No wonder none of his other acquaintances were here; Midoriya was just beginning a relationship with the Beta Ochaco Uraraka, Todoroki has been offered several marriage interview proposals, don’t even get him started on Kaminari or Sero, then Kirishima recently started seeing a little foreign exchange female hero who was training beneath one of the elder Japanese heroes. Just him had been selected for this…fan-fucking-tastic.

“As the Alpha President from America has reminded us all today, only Omegas can bring Supers into the world with quirks and abilities that could be revolutionary. He has also brought up the subject of how those same Omegas were hunted to extinction.” The assembly head takes a deep inhale before continuing, a screen popping up behind him that has shaky footage of Omega hunts that used to take place all across the globe. Screams filled the air courtesy of the speakers, cries for help and various distress calls intermixing as the Omegas within the footage beg and plead for their lives. And yet not one was spared as each fell by weapon or fang or claw. “From the United States all the way to Russia to the South Pole to Canada, not a single Omega has been seen in well over ten years. They were tortured, beaten, raped then eventually devoured or killed in hunts…we know the horrors though we don’t let the public see the true extent of the truth. They simply think that these attacks were done by outbreaks of villains alone when, in fact, they were conducted then carried out by Alphas and the other niches who joined in the hunts. Alphas of this day and age carry this burden of knowledge most.” A wave of his hand turns off the screen as he fixes the assembly with a stare. “In ten years, I myself have never thought another Omega would ever be seen...but I was wrong.”

Pupils of every person present suddenly shrink as a unified conclusion was drawn before the man finished. And an uproar instantly takes the room, spreading chaos and exclamations from animalistic to manmade noises. Some were positive, a clear want and need to make amends for the crimes of the past, others were enraged or excited as if they were looking forward to partaking in similar events.

He remains calm though, raising his hands and asking for silence. “She was rescued from a villain bunker where they had been hiding her for the last ten years. None of us can fathom what they did to the poor girl and that’s where you all come in.” His spine straightens as the Alphas before him slowly return to their seats. “Omegas respond to their packs or fated mates no matter what state of mental or physical condition they are. And that’s why we have called you all here. She has been unable to speak a word or eaten a single thing since entering my team’s care. Her health is compromised at this point and the world cannot afford to lose the possible last Omega it has. The world needs Supers if the heroes are to have any chance against the villain uprisings.”

An Alpha hero from Madagascar smelling of spiced vanilla and dressed in various leaves stands with a growl, eyes narrowed. “This is an outrage! You’re expecting us to just throw ourselves at this Omega and hope for the best that we are some miraculous cure for her trauma while saving the world at the same time?! This is nothing short of Forced Breeding!”

“Think of the Omega! She deserves more than being thrown into a hole then forced to procreate just for the sake of birthing Supers!” Another Alpha bellows, this one from Argentina who gives off the scent of citrus.

Finally done with sitting back, the blond Alpha hero from Japan raises his hand to unleash an explosion that causes the entire room to shake then fall silent, his red eyes glaring at the man. “Everyone, shut the hell up and let the damn man finish. They would’ve done that by now but look around…she’s not here. Meaning there’s something else. So sit down…shut up…and listen.”

Grateful for the intervention, the man bows his head respectfully then addresses everyone in the room. “We would never suggest such a thing as Forced Breeding.” The man hurries to assure as other Alphas begin to voice their anger. “No mating will be pressured upon anyone and no one will get hurt in the process. If this were to fail, they we would resort to artificial insemination with those who are willing to offer their samples. And the young Alpha from Japan proves a valid point: she is not here. We have to take her fragile health into consideration right now. You and the young female all have a say in this matter. However we cannot simply just introduce her to you all with her current health status. So, we have a way to gauge on how you chosen Alphas will react by using this.”

Murmurs rise when he holds up a vial of clear liquid, the lights within the room catching upon the small container.

“This here is a collection of her pheromones turned into a liquid state. Those who are compatible will react positively and can be allowed to continue to the next step towards meeting her with supervision. Those who react negatively will be excused and required to leave, sworn to secrecy so that none may know of her existence.” He sighs softly when several voice questions and raises his hands. “The most we can ask for is an acceptance or gravitational pull. Simply allow your instincts to guide you; doesn’t matter how. Honesty is what we are looking for.”

Red eyes narrow further when someone asks what would be considered a negative response. He just wanted to get this over with so he could go back home to Japan. Arms crossed, he leans back in his chair so the front legs are in the air as he huffs beneath his breath.

“Any hostile action that can be considered an attack whether of the hunting or feeding kind will not be tolerated or considered for this.” The man grows serious as he stares at each Alpha in turn while raising the vial. “Those who wish to leave, do so now. I’m about to open it.”

Call it curiosity, or boredom, the blond from Japan remains seated. Might as well stick around since he’d gotten a free trip all the way out here. A small smirk raises his lips. Plus, the entertainment he’d get from watching these others would give him an insight to the competition from other nations. So far, he’s been unamused since there had been no fighting or altercations, but this could still be interesting to say the least. He remains sitting as one third of the room empties, his red eyes remaining locked upon the vial that is being showcased.

The man glances around once more as his fingers prepare to remove the stopper. “Ready?”

Everyone present nods or makes a sound of approval.

A faint hiss sounds when the airtight seal is released…and the effect is instantaneous as the pheromones within the vial quickly fill the room. Sweet yet not…spicy yet tame…filling the minds of those who were within the room with images of shifting colors like a kaleidoscope.

The man holding the vial slowly starts to walk around the assembly room, carefully watching each Alpha he passes. First starting the farthest side of the room then gradually getting closer to where a certain blond explosionist hero sat as the chair he was seated within shifts so all four of its legs were upon the floor.

He’s never smelled something like this before. No one he knew of back home had a scent even comparable to this. The tapping finger upon his thigh slows to a stop as every thought process within his mind becomes silent. In then out his breathing remained steady, a few times his red eyes closed for a few seconds then opened once more. Oddly enough the high temperament Alpha from Japan was feeling…calm. Even when the vial went past, he remained passive and dare he say peaceful. No one would recognize him in this state he’d been rendered to as his red gaze closely watched the vial’s liquid that shifted within the light.

Already most of those gathered have been removed when the vial had come close enough for them to exhibit “negative” behavior as the air fills with subtle growls or rumbles from those who remained. There was only a dozen left by the time the man placed the stopper back on the vial, his brows raised as he carefully looks to see who is left. “Alright, Alphas who are left, tell me how you are feeling. I see a handful of you are still here and reacting favorably. Don’t be shy.”

One by one each spoke of how the pheromones had caused them to feel possessive or want to claim the owner of those pheromones; natural responses as well as honest. That’s what the man had asked for. His gaze shifts over to the last who had yet to speak, the blond hero from Japan who wore a near confused expression on his face, waiting patiently for the young Alpha to speak.

“I…I felt calm. Peaceful, even, which is saying a lot for me. I’m not exactly known for being docile or easy to soothe yet smelling that was…I just…it was as if something I’ve been missing had suddenly presented itself to me and I wanted it to come closer if it chose. I wouldn’t have forced it, mind you, I wanted it to come to me… I’ve pursued a lot of things in my life but this was the first time I felt capable of leaving the choice up to…”

The man nods approvingly at this answer, faint surprise within his gaze when the blond suddenly shakes himself then snaps his head to the side. Interesting indeed. None had given an answer quite like that. Taking note of the young Alpha’s reactions, the assembly head speaks once more while addressing who was left. “We have one last test for those of you remaining.” He holds up a small recording device. “I’m about to play you the sound she made when our teams discovered her within the villain bunker. I warn you now, the second you exhibit negative or hostile behavior as we mentioned in the pheromone test…you will be removed immediately.”

A collective nod comes from those remaining, including the blond who huffs softly while closing his eyes.

The air clicks with the sound of the device’s playback button.

Heavy footfalls and familiar military conversation begins to fill the air until silence reigns once more…then…

A sound that could only be considered a ringing call of distress pierces the air that makes the pupils of everyone within the room to become slits. This cry is heartbroken, agony filled, shrill, bird-like in song interwoven with high pitched whines and chirps that are dripping with desperation and fear.

“Don’t fight it!” The man calls over the recording as the sound replays thanks to his fingers pressing the repeat button. “If you have that drive to protect her, show it! The more you fight and hide that instinct the less we understand if you’re a possible candidate!”

It was clear that nearly every man within the room was responding to the cry of distress. A call like this could earn one of two things: a predatory response that would earn ruthless attacks that would surely end the creature’s life…or a protective response to use one’s self to protect said crier.

That’s when the blond Alpha suddenly snaps when he hears those present suddenly give hunting cries in response to the recording. His temper was nowhere near becoming involved, he was deathly calm as he rises to stand and bares his sharp teeth at those present as a call of his own erupts from between his jaws. Red eyes ablaze, the young Japanese hero marches to stand before each of those who had begun to express a want to feed, his cayenne and gunpowder saturated pheromones filling the air as he meets the gaze of every single Alpha. Growls, snarls, rumbles, his voice comes out in a combination of noises between dominating demands of their submission and comforting sounds directed towards the recording whenever his gaze shifts back to the device.

A giant Alpha, a man from Germany decorated with Nordic tattoos and long beard braided with various bones as his being is dressed in furs, steps up to the younger and smaller blond, his bared teeth several sizes bigger that drip with saliva. Large, intimidating, smelling of mountains and the salty ocean along with the tang of leather, this man was not to be trifled with. He was a hunter, a ravager, and once he caught the scent of a prey worth his fangs he would not relinquish easily.

Not to be outdone, the Japanese Hero didn’t waver nor did he even flinch at the challenge. “Back. The fuck. Off. Before I make you.” He snarls lowly, growling deep within his throat enough to make his chest rumble with the vibrations as he squares off against the other Alpha with his own teeth bared. They and his muscles may not be as big however that didn’t mean he didn’t make up for it in other ways. Explosions crackles then popped across the blond Alpha’s being, filling the air with the scents of gunpowder and spicy peppers as his pheromones begin to fill the air when the German lowered his fangs so they were inches from his. “That supposed to scare me, you old sack of shit? You may be bigger but you know what they say: the bigger they are the harder they fall. It’s time for the dusty ass bones like yourself to sit back so the newer age Alphas can show you how the world should be running.”

“You better watch that smart mouth on yours, pup, before I shut it up by stuffing my fist down your throat.” The older Alpha snarls lowly.

“If your arthritis will let you by all means, let’s see you try.” A smirk raises the blond Hero’s mouth.

“Why you insolent, little—” The German breaks off when the recording repeats, obvious that his hunting drive was triggered when more saliva drips down his chin.

However even the elder Alpha suddenly found himself taking a staggering step back when an explosion of energy forced his own to recede, his head slowly bowing to the side as the Japanese Alpha released a warning that promised pain if ignored. “I’ve told you once and I’m not going to repeat myself. Stand. Down.” The blonde rumbles deeply as he steps closer to the other Alpha.

The recording stops with a press of the man’s finger as the other Alphas are escorted out of the room once they concede and bow their head slightly to the younger Alpha from Japan in submission. “I think we have our man…” the assembly leader whispers to himself as he slowly approaches the blond. “Your name is Katuski “Dynamight” Bakugo from Japan, right?”

A nod is all that can be managed as he settles back within his chair with a huff.

“Tell me the truth: did you have any inkling or drive to feed upon flesh or drink blood when you heard her cry?”

Katuski instantly growls, his expression one of anger and offense as explosions crackle along his hands. “What the fuck—No! Of course I didn’t! I’m nothing like that flea-bitten German Alpha! That’s an archaic practice that I would rather eat my own damn leg than participate.”

“Let me be straight with you since you’re the sole Alpha left.” The man’s tone becomes grave. “I asked because the Omega, this poor girl, was used not just for her female body or heats…those villains took turns feasting upon her living flesh and blood. That’s why we had to ask to make sure you don’t share in their tastes so please don’t take offense. When she became of age, they started pairing her off with some of their strongest in hopes she would birth Supers for them to raise into the next SuperVillains. However, they didn’t take into account how their lacking care of her would affect the capability of bearing the offspring they demanded. Her wounds were so severe that her body’s natural functions were sorely upon survival during her captivity that even those with hyperactive sperm couldn’t have been capable of impregnating her. The Omega’s poor heart, body, and mind were far too focused upon living than allowing any sort of opportunity for it to support another. And yet she has miraculously remained Unmarked. Those villains were either smart or stupid to not mark her as theirs but that also means that she is far more vulnerable and fragile. Omega’s are natural homemakers, they are central points of any pack or family. If they don’t establish or find their own by the time they reach a certain age…well, the last Omega who was incapable of doing so lost herself to depression and is currently within a coma at a Persian hospital.”

“Holy— You’re serious?!” Katsuki rises to stand, red eyes wide and a growl in his voice as explosions spark across his being like fireworks. He’s never known anger to this degree. This poor, innocent girl has been through hell for the past decade as a breeding machine for the villains who only treated her worse with every failed attempt to produce an offspring when she was merely trying to survive! Bloodlust unlike he’s ever known rises in the back of his throat but he swallows it down with a growl.

“Calm down, now, she is in good hands currently.” He closely watches the Japanese Alpha as he says the next part. “She’s in a secure location not too far from here. Only I know where it is and I’m prepared to take you to her.”

“Then why the hell are we wasting time here for? Take me to her. Now!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He was through the residence door the second the helicopter had come to a stop.

The scenery was like that of a postcard or calendar. Towering mountain peaks capped with snow, towering trees whose canopy branches disappear into the overcast sky above, the air thin but misty from the clouds drifting past. Gorgeous, beautiful of any art form yet none would do justice to the picture before him.

And yet Katsuki paid it no mind as his nostrils flared as he searched for the scent that had been within the vial from the test.

“You won’t be capable of sniffing her out.” The assembly head commends his efforts as he enters the perfectly camouflaged building that blended in with the surrounding landscape; not even aviary types would be capable of spotting this place if they were perched right on top of it. “Relax and take some deep breaths, young Alpha. Listen instead of sniffing.”

With a growl, Katsuki huffs then closes his red eyes as he levels his breathing. Damn altitude and its interference with picking up scent trails. Though that was a smart move on this guy’s part. It would ensure that she couldn’t be discovered. Meaning that for now this could be the safest place for her—

His thoughts freeze when he suddenly hears a soft breath from deep within the residence. Was that her? It had to be. Every cell in his body was starting to vibrate as his chest rumbles softly.

Without wasting another second, keeping his eyes closed so as to focus upon his hearing, the blond Alpha carefully and swiftly makes his way through the multilevel residence while paying no mind to those he passes until he comes to a stop before a door. The sounds had gotten louder, the breaths now faster, were coming from the other side. His hand quickly pressed the panel beside the door and with a soft hiss it unlocks and allows him entry.

And that’s when he saw you…laying curled up within a mountain of pillows and blankets that must have been a hastily put together Nest, your being curled within a fetal position.

You looked so fragile laying there covered in bandages that revealed just how skeletal your frame was. Brittle hair that looked as if it could just snap if the slightest pressure was applied, arms and legs so thin that they might as well be twigs, the simple dress covering your being sorely to preserve your dignity and allow ease of dressing changes or sponge baths for healing purposes revealed the full extent of the trauma you’d suffered at the hands of the villains. It was heartbreaking, seeing you staring listlessly off into space that was the nearby dome of windows that allowed you to gaze out across the scenery outside he’d paid no mind to. Your eyes were so dull, no spark of life to be seen within them as you lay upon the fabric formed Nest that had been put together by others in hope you would find comfort.

The sound of footsteps vaguely registers within your mind as a presence approaches. You’ve never felt something like this before but it was obvious that it belonged to an Alpha, that was obvious, and yet you remained unmoved from your position. Nothing interested you anymore.

Ever so faintly, almost too faint to hear, your ears pick up the faintest of rumbles coming from the figure who slowly moved within your line of sight.

Your oval pupils, which had been unfocused, slowly adjust to bring his being forward from the sea of blurs that claimed your vision. Nothing awoke within you when he lowered himself to one knee, his expression unreadable but body language relaxed as he remains at a respectable distance. But it was as your gaze met his red, finding ruby gemstone irises that shift and dance within the light as he slowly removes the black mask from his face, that your breath hitches when the motion of his hand causes you to become wafted by a small breeze that carried his scent; summertime sunshine, festival firework gunpowder, the faint taste of spicy pepper tantalizes your sinuses as you breathe in the pheromones he gave off.

Slowly, your head rises from the Nest, eyes searching his own as you use both elbows to remain somewhat upright.

His pupils dilate slightly when he sees how much your arms are shaking from supporting your weight and with quick reflexes moves forward with a gentle grasp to catch you before they can give out, a concerned and calming rumble sounding from within his throat as he helps you to sit comfortably by leaning you against the Nest’s barrier. Katuski could feel the barrier of the Nest; natural law ordained and demanded that none could enter an Omega’s private space such as this without facing consequences but you hadn’t made this particular structure so he wouldn’t suffer any major repercussions…and yet he gradually backed off once he was sure you were stable. He wanted you to be as relaxed and comfortable as possible.

The slight tilt of your head to the left makes his breath catch not because you had moved but the fact that you had tilted it in his direction was cause of him to suddenly feel a spike of adrenaline. Or was the anticipation? He didn’t know and frankly didn’t care.

Without using a single word, the gloves upon his hands were removed then tossed off to the side with his gauntlets and mask, then he offered them to you with palms facing upwards.

The choice was yours.

Would you stay…or would you go to the Alpha?

There was no indication that he wanted to hurt you. Not a single growl, nor did he bare his fangs, and this one smelled much different than any you’ve encountered. The features of his face suggested he was slightly older than you, not by much but enough that spoke of many overcome obstacles in battle and personal growth, his ruby red eyes revealing a hungry drive to prove himself but also a deeply rooted loneliness amongst the shifting gemstone shards of fierce protective and loyal flames that spark with golden flakes within his red irises.

A wave of his energy washes over you like a summer breeze, a warm shower upon the thirsty desert longing for rain, as before you realized it…

…your being had moved from the Nest and into his arms that slowly enclose around you.

Katsuki gasps when your form lightly presses against his, a soft whine sounding from him when he feels that you’re more fragile than you look, as if you’d snap if he squeezed too tightly. His cheek rests upon the top of your head as his eyes close, one hand resting upon the nape of your neck where its fingers gently massage as the other hand brings you closer until your seated comfortably within his lap, his legs crossed neatly beneath you so your own legs were draped across one of his toned thighs.

The heart in his chest threatens to break when you nuzzle your face into his neck, feeling your breathing hitching as if you were fighting back sobs. Never in his entire life had he felt this way. As if every fiber of his being was demanding he protect that which lay within his arms. Echoes of what the assembly head had said along with the footage he’d seen replaying within his mind. Your body may be weak but your soul was that of a warrior. It was strong enough to withstand the captivity within the hands of the villain Alphas. That made you admirable, within his eyes, someone more than worthy of his respect and maybe…more.

“You were very brave to survive what you went through. The fact you’re alive today shows that you have a strong will, a fighter’s spirit.” he finally manages to whisper, nuzzling your temple gently with the tip of his nose as his hand that had been at the nape of your neck carefully combs through your tresses. “…you shouldn’t have had to go through any of that and I’m sorry you did…but I want you to listen to what I say to you right here…right now…” The bend of his finger meets the underside of your chin, raising it with gentle pressure so that you were looking up at him instead of hiding within his neck. His gaze is soft, voice tender and warm, expression one of sincerity as he ever so carefully brushes the tip of his tongue along your cheekbone. “…You’ve fought your war. I promise you never have to go through that hell again. Those villains will never lay another hand on you and if one of those bastards ever even try to come near you I will tear them to shreds and pieces so small that no forensic team will find traces of them. You’re safe now…no more pain, no more suffering…not so long as I’m alive.”

Your eyes widen. Why would an Alpha of his caliber make such a promise? Surely he was demanding something in return. They all did. No act of kindness came without a price or ultimatum, that was a painful lesson you’d learned.

That thought must have shown on your face if his soft growl was anything to go by, but it wasn’t a threatening one; more of one of the frustrated nature. “No, I don’t want anything from you. I just… If anyone on this damn earth deserves to live a life of happiness, that person should be you, little one.”

Pressure suddenly takes hold of his heart when he sees a tear slip down your cheek, your eyes so wide they might just pop out of their sockets.

“O-oh, crap, I didn’t mean to make you cry! Damnit, I can’t even comfort someone right?!” One of his hands leaves your being so it can rake through his hair as he grumbles beneath a breath before bringing you even closer so that your ear is pressed against his chest. “Sorry, I’m not the greatest with stuff like this. I’m not Izuku or Kirishima who can just—” His sentence screeches to a halt when feeling you start to tremble and words give way to gentle rumbles as he tightens his hold on you. Now he could smell it…how you were trying not to fall apart, attempting not to shatter into a million pieces. Once again his warm, wet tongue gently brushes against your skin as he begins to rock you back and forth. “It takes as much strength to remain in one piece as it does to cry when the soul needs it. It’s okay…I’ve got you…go ahead…let it out…”

A quiver rises within your lips as your hands rise to cling to the costume fabric covering his chest and back.

One of his hands moves to the back of your head where it keeps you close while the other begins to rub along your spine. “I won’t let go, I swear. Nothing can touch or hurt you so long as you’re within my hold. Forget the damn world and its bullshit, just focus on this right here…you and me…no one else…just us…”

Something within you clicked, as if a bond was trying to form as you take a shuddering breath that fills your lungs with his pheromones and his energy washes over you once more. His words wrapped around you like his body did, surrounding you within warmth and serenity, shielding you from the world’s eye. Within your throat rises a choked sound. It’s been so long since you’ve used your voice that for a moment part of you wondered if you’d forgotten how to use it.

As if sensing your hesitation and sudden fear his tongue gently begins to lap at your throat in encouragement. The touches gentle, tender, sweet even as if he were attempting to help you find your voice once more…

And its when his lips meet your skin that the first of many hoarse, broken cries erupt from your throat as crystalline tears spill down your cheeks.

Unbeknownst to either of you that the assembly head and his team were closely watching the two of you, a pair of medical personnel ready and waiting for the opportune time for them to move forward with their hidden agenda. The trials had successfully found a compatible Alpha for the sole Omega left in the world. Now it was time for them to wait.

~~🪽~~|~~🪽~~|~~🪽~~| ~~🪽~~|~~🪽~~|~~🪽~~|

I do have a secondary part but that is as far as I got for this story. Another is in the works and if you guys like this one enough, I’ll post the second part of this! Take care, loves!

[madamepestilence]

H5N1: What to know before fear spreads

What is H5N1?

H5N1 is a 1996 strain of the Spanish or Avian Flu first detected in Chinese birds before spreading globally across various avian species. H5N1 is similar to H1N1, but spreads slower and has a much higher mortality rate.

H5N1 may also be referred to as Influenza A. The American Association of Bovine Practitioners has seen fit to rename H5N1 to Bovine Influenza A Virus, or BIAV, and are encouraging others to use the same terminology.

I would not be surprised if the colloquial name among the public becomes Bovine Flu or American Flu in the coming months, and may be referred to as the Chinese Flu by the same folks who took the spark of the SARS-CoV-2 (COVID-19) pandemic as an excuse to be publicly racist to East Asian people without social repercussions.

BIAV is a virus, meaning that it is a (probably) non-living packet of self-replicating infectious material with a high rate of mutation. BIAV is structured similarly to SARS-CoV-2, having a packet of infectious material encased in a spherical shell with a corona, or crown, of proteins that can latch to living cells to inject RNA.

Image source with interactive model: ViralZone - H5N1 subtype

What is the history of BIAV?

In 1996 and 1997, an outbreak of BIAV occurred among poultry and infected 18 people in Hong Kong, 6 of which died. This seemingly isolated incident then infected ~860 people with a >50% death rate.

At the time, BIAV was known as Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza, or HPAI, and killed nearly 100% of chickens within a 48 hour period.

From 2003 to 2005, continual outbreaks occurred in China and other East Asian countries, before spreading to Cambodia, the Netherlands, Thailand, and Vietnam.

From 2014 to 2016, it began being detected in American fowl, as well as mutating the H5N6 (lethal in birds, no human to human transmission) and H5N8 (largely spread through turkeys, ducks had immunity) viruses.

BIAV has since evolved into a clade known as 2.3.4.4b, and was first detected in 2021 in wild American birds. This then caused outbreaks in 2022 among wild and domesticated birds (such as chickens) alike, but was largely being overshadowed by the pressing SARS-CoV-2 pandemic at the time.

From 2022 to 2023, it was observed to be spreading among various mammals, including humans. Now, in 2024, we're having the most concerning rapid outbreak of BIAV since 2003.

BIAV is known to spread from mammal to mammal, particularly between cows and humans. BIAV may also be spread from cow to cow (highly likely, but not confirmed - this is likely the reason the virus has spread to Idaho from Texan cattle), and is known to be lethal to domestic cats and birds within 48 hours.

How does BIAV spread?

BIAV spreads through fomites - direct contact with infected animals or infected surfaces and then touching parts of your face or other orifices - as well as through airborne particulates, which may be inhaled and enter the sinuses and lungs.

BIAV is known to spread through:

Asymptomatic Ducks, geese, swans, various shorebirds

Symptomatic, may be lethal Foxes, bears, seals, sea lions, polar bears, domestic cats, dogs, minks, goats, cows, (potentially human to human, but unconfirmed - there have only been 8 potential human to human cases in 2024).

How can I protect against BIAV?

As BIAV is a type of Influenza A, existing protocols should do fine.

Current recommendations are to wash your hands vigorously after interacting with birds (I would also recommend doing this with mammals), avoid touching your face or other open orifices, and wear N95 masks.

Avoid sick or dead animals entirely - I would also recommend reporting them to your local Animal Control or veterinary centre and warning them about the infection risk. People who work with animals are recommended to also wear full PPE such as N95 masks, eye protection, gloves, and partake in vigorous hand washing.

If you suspect you've caught BIAV, seek medical attention immediately. Existing medications such as oseltamivir phosphate, zanamivir, peramivir, and baloxavir marboxil can reduce BIAV's ability to replicate.

Standard flu shots will not protect against BIAV. Remember - symptoms of BIAV may not manifest for between 2 to 8 days, and potentially infected people should be monitored for at least 10 days.

How far has BIAV spread?

BIAV is currently a global virus, though the current infection location of note is the United States.

Image Key: Dark red - Countries with humans, poultry and wild birds killed by H5N1 Deep red - Countries with poultry or wild birds killed by H5N1 and has reported human cases of H5N1 Light red - Countries with poultry or wild birds killed by H5N1

Image source: Wikipedia - Influenza A virus subtype H5N1 - File: Global spread of H5N1 map

Image source: Metro.co.uk - Map shows where bird flu is spreading in US amid new warning - File: The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s H5N1 bird flu detections map across the United States

Should I be afraid?

You needn't be afraid, just prepared. BIAV has a concerningly high lethality, but this ironically culls its spread somewhat.

In the event human to human transmission of BIAV is confirmed, this will likely mainly affect marginalized communities, poor people, and homeless people, who are likely to have less access to medical care, and a higher likelihood of working in jobs that require frequent close human contact, such as fast food or retail jobs.

Given the response to SARS-CoV-2, corporations - and probably the government - may shove a proper response under the rug and refuse to participate in a full quarantine, which may leave people forced to go to work in dangerous conditions.

If this does spread into an epidemic or pandemic, given our extensive knowledge about Influenza, and the US having a backup vaccine for a prior strain of H5N1, a vaccine should be able to be developed relatively quickly and would hopefully be deployed freely without charge - we won't have to worry about a situation like The Stand.

Wash your hands, keep clean, avoid large social gatherings where possible, wear an N95 mask if you can afford them (Remember: Cloth masks are the least protective, but are better than nothing. If you can't afford N95 masks, I recommend wearing a well-fitted cloth mask with a disposable face mask over it to prevent pneumonia from moisture buildup in the disposable mask), support the disabled, poor, and homeless, and stay educated.

We can do better this time.

Further things to check out:

YouTube: MedCram - H5N1 Cattle Outbreak: Background and Currently Known Facts (ft. Roger Seheult, M.D.)

Wikipedia - Influenza A virus subtype H5N1

Maine.gov - Avian Influenza and People

CDC.gov - Technical Report: Highly Pathogenic Avian Influenza A(H5N1) Viruses

Wikipedia - H5N1 genetic structure

realagriculture - Influenza infection in cattle gets new name: Bovine Influenza A Virus (BIAV)

[weirdkpopgirl]

My First | Renjun Fic #2

Title: My First

Genre: high school au, angst

Warnings: mentions of self-harm, divorce, abusive parent. please don't read if any of these topics make you uncomfortable

Word Count: ~13k

Author's Note: I originally posted this book on wattpad, but not many people read it. So I decided to consolidate the book into a full-length fic to post here on tumblr and my nct dream book on wattpad. I wrote this story years ago, inspired by a brief crush I had in high school. I really hope you guys like this story ^ ^

P.S. there may or may not be a sequel to this 😅

*song mentioned is Sorry Heart by NCT Dream*

𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪

A small high school reunion was underway, hosted by Lee Haechan at a fried chicken restaurant he had opened some time ago. Even amidst his hectic commitments, Rejun made sure with his managers that his schedule would be done by the evening. After all, he couldn’t miss this occasion. Not when this was his chance to see her again.

He discreetly entered the restaurant, donning a mask and a black cap to maintain his anonymity until he had fully entered the premises.

Suddenly, he heard the voice of his old friend exclaim, “There he is! The global K-pop sensation!” 

Renjun chuckled bashfully as a wave of applause and cheers echoed Haechan's proclamation. Taking a seat, he scanned the room, searching for a familiar face among his former classmates.

“She should be here soon,” Haechan whispered, his hand resting on Renjun’s shoulder as a glass of soju was poured for him. Renjun nodded and allowed himself to unwind for the time being.

After a few drinks, the restaurant's front doors chimed, and Renjun swiftly turned his head to witness the entrance of two individuals. And there she stood, nearly everything about her appearance was the same since high school. Her hair remained long, now adorned with a reddish hue. The melancholy that once clouded her eyes was replaced with a sparkle he never saw in her before. The smile he loved so much hadn’t changed at all. Yet, he knew that smile on her face wasn’t because of him. But it was because of the man whose gentle hand rested on her back. 

Renjun couldn't deny that the sight caused a subtle ache within him, breaking his heart a little. He guessed he deserved this feeling though. Especially considering he was the one who had broken hers in the first place.

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She remembered the first time she laid eyes on him, a memory that stood apart from his initial introduction as a transfer student from Jilin, China, at the beginning of high school. She had been rather inattentive back then. This was that one moment when she truly noticed him.

In her oblivious state, she hadn't even realized they lived in the same neighborhood until that day. As was her usual routine, she got off the bus, and there he was, standing at the crosswalk.

Initially, she was about to walk straight to her house without a second thought. But her steps halted when she witnessed an elderly lady struggling with several heavy grocery bags. It was evident that the weight was taking a toll on her. Before she could rush to her assistance, the boy beat her to it.

“Halmeoni,” he spoke kindly, offering a warm smile, “Let me help you.”

He gently took the bags from the lady's hands, and the woman chuckled, tenderly pinching his cheek. She observed them strolling down the street, engaged in cheerful small talk. Their smiles were infectious, and she found herself smiling too.

As they completed their short trip across the street and exchanged farewells, he seemed to sense someone's gaze upon him. Before she could react, their eyes met. In that instant, her brain went into a mild panic, and she turned away, hurrying home without looking back.

No, it wasn't as though she had fallen head over heels for him on that day. Such emotions didn't come easily to her, it seemed. She had simply become more aware of his existence. Unfortunately, she had never mustered the courage to strike up a conversation with the boy. Despite attending the same school, she was absorbed in her studies and lacked the confidence to approach him. The art of making friends was something she had never been adept at.

She didn’t bother to say anything to him in school and she didn’t expect him to either. But for some reason, knowing that bothered her. She couldn't quite explain the feeling. After all, she didn't know him beyond that one act of kindness, even though she was sure it wasn't his first.

Little did she realize that this encounter had only marked the beginning of their story.

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She remembered the next day when he stepped into their homeroom. Their eyes met once more, a scene that could have been plucked from a cliché K-drama. For precisely three seconds, she maintained eye contact with him before her gaze dropped to her desk.

That was the day she finally recalled his name when the teacher called for attendance – Huang Renjun. If not for his introduction, she might have not realized he was Chinese. Partially because she had initially believed his last name to be Hwang. His Korean proficiency further blurred the lines, matching her own.

Each time Renjun spoke in class, she couldn't help but be impressed by his fluency. A classmate mentioned that he had taken Korean as an elective at his previous school.

Nonetheless, she didn't engage in much conversation with him in the early days of the school year, despite the fact that they shared a classroom nearly every day, with their desks not being too distant from each other. Their circles of friends were also closely-knit. Besides the few friends she had made at school, she rarely ventured to talk to anyone else.

However, she found herself unable to cease her contemplation of him. Occasionally, her gaze would stray from her textbook, and she'd spot the dark brown-haired boy a few desks ahead. A slight lean to the left allowed her to observe him diligently taking notes during the teacher's lectures.

Before Renjun, she had never really paid attention to boys. To this day, she remained uncertain about what exactly drew her to him. Perhaps it was his refined facial features, their shared artistic inclinations, or the way he displayed irritation and endearing cuteness when angered. It might have been the enchanting hums he produced while listening to songs from his playlist on their bus rides home.

Some might have labeled her an obsessive stalker, but anyone would have noticed the same subtle details if they had taken a second to observe him. Living in the same neighborhood and attending the same school merely facilitated this connection.

Renjun and she were so close, yet so far away at the same time.

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She remembered their first real encounter quite fondly. It occurred close to the second month of school when one of her friends attempted to persuade her into joining their study group.

“You should join us, (Y/n),” her friend said, trying to convince her for the nth time.

She nervously bit her lip and hesitated, “I don't know…”

Her study habits usually involved solitary efforts or the occasional study session with a single companion. The idea of meeting up with a group of unfamiliar faces didn't particularly appeal to her.

Furthermore, her friend mentioned that part of the reason for forming this study group was to create opportunities for getting closer to some of the cute and popular guys in their homeroom. She couldn't shake the feeling that they wouldn't be doing much actual studying.

“Can you at least come to one meeting?” her friend implored, holding up a single finger. “That's all I'm asking for!”

Reluctantly, she ended up agreeing because she didn’t want to disappoint her friend. After all, she knew that friend would never lead her into doing something crazy. Thus, she arrived at the cafe with the intention of sitting at the end of the table, where she could quietly focus on her studies and avoid interaction with the rest of the group as much as possible.

As much as she had hesitated about attending, she had always been an early bird when it came to events like this. Tardiness had always been one of her pet peeves. Little did she anticipate being one of the first to arrive.

To her luck, the one other person already present was him.

Her body froze as she entered the moment she saw Renjun seated at the empty table with his books spread out before him. He wore a light orange hoodie and round-shaped glasses. Her eyes shifted to the white sweatshirt she was wearing, and she habitually adjusted her own glasses, no longer self-conscious about dressing casually.

Noticing that he wasn't by himself anymore, Renjun's eyes met hers once more. It felt reminiscent of a few weeks ago, but she couldn't tell if he recognized her. Unlike the last time, she managed to resist the impulse to run away when he spoke first.

“Are you here for the study group too?” he inquired.

For some inexplicable reason, words failed to escape her lips, so she simply nodded in response.

Renjun’s smile put her at ease, “That's a relief. I was beginning to worry that I was pranked into coming here alone.”

“Oh, I see…” She awkwardly averted her gaze, focusing on her shoes, unable to maintain eye contact for more than a few seconds.

He gestured to the chair beside him, “Um— you can sit here if you want.”

Taking a deep breath, she composed herself before taking a seat. She did her best to collect her thoughts and not appear foolish.

“Thank you,” she murmured as she set her bag down.

Swiftly, she retrieved her homework, diverting her attention from the boy next to her. However, as she did so, her gaze accidentally met him once again. His smile was far warmer than she had imagined it to be.

"You're Kim (Y/n), right?"

“You know me?” The surprise must have been evident on her face because Renjun regarded her as if she had asked an obvious question.

“Of course. We’re in the same class, and I've seen you in my neighborhood a few times,” he explained. “How would I not know you?”

It dawned on her that she wasn't the only one who had noticed those coincidences that connected them. He had been aware of her existence all along. There was no reason for her to have felt invisible. Why had she entertained such thoughts before?

“Oh, right,” her eyes dropped to her homework in embarrassment.

Renjun chuckled and tapped his pencil on her notebook, “Did you understand the math homework?”

“Yeah, I think so,” she replied as she skimmed over the math problems they had to solve.

Math wasn't her strongest subject, but it wasn't her weakest either. The same could be said for her other classes. She excelled in any class related to the fine arts.

“I'm not sure when the others are going to get here,” Renjun remarked, “So do you want to work on this and check our answers together?”

“Oh— sure,” she said, picking up her pencil, relieved to finally engage in productive work. She had been worried that attending this gathering would be a waste of study time. 

However, she and Renjun were both diligent students, sharing the same goal of completing their work as efficiently as possible.

Working together in a tranquil atmosphere, she started to relax. But, eventually, their friends began to arrive.

“Oh, you guys are here already!” the friend who had invited her exclaimed. She sighed, a tad disappointed that everyone was here now. Still, she concealed her frustration with a smile and waved at her friend.

The study group unfolded precisely as she had expected, with little actual studying being accomplished. Most of the group members engaged in chatter and jokes. Renjun and she, on the other hand, remained seated at the corner of the table, quietly working on their homework and occasionally helping each other if they encountered difficulties.

After about two hours, everyone started to disperse. It was already dark outside as she stepped out. Since they were both headed in the same direction, Renjun suggested they take the bus together. He gave the excuse that it would be dangerous for her to go home alone.

With rosy cheeks, she glanced down at her shoes and allowed him to accompany her to the bus stop. His actions reinforced her initial impression of Renjun as a kindhearted person.

Upon boarding the bus, few words were exchanged. Yet, the silence between them didn't feel as awkward as it had earlier. She gazed out of the bus window, watching as cars and buildings passed by. Occasionally, she noticed him stealing glances in her direction from the corner of her eye, and she hesitantly turned around once, only for him to quickly avert his gaze. Perhaps her initial interpretation had been mere wishful thinking.

Her attention returned to the window, and she couldn't help but smile, reflecting on the subtle shade of red that colored his cheeks. It was undeniably cute.

As they disembarked from the bus, Renjun scratched his head and avoided her gaze.

"I guess I'll see you at school on Monday?"

She slowly nodded, "Yeah."

"I guess I'll get going then."

Before she could watch him leave, she suddenly called out, “Wait!”

When he turned back to look at her, she smiled bashfully, “It was nice to meet you, Huang Renjun.” In return, he offered a smile just as warm as the first time.

“Same to you, Kim (Y/n).”

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She remembered the change when she returned to school on Monday. Upon entering the classroom, Renjun warmly waved at her, and she shyly waved back before taking her seat. It felt peculiar to have someone other than Soojin greet her with such enthusiasm.

After their last class of the day, Renjun approached her desk with hesitation, inquiring whether she'd be interested in studying together more often. He mentioned that they got along well and he felt more comfortable studying with her rather than with the group from the previous day. The fact that Huang Renjun, whom she had never interacted with before, was extending this invitation felt unfamiliar.

“There's a library near the school where we can go,” he mumbled nervously, his confidence waning with each word.

In retrospect, she realized she should have declined at that moment, perhaps questioning why he wanted to spend time with her of all people. Turning him down then might have shielded her from the tangled web she was about to weave.

However, she couldn't resist a shy smile and accepted his invitation. Her rationale was that she preferred studying with one person over a large group, but also because she saw an opportunity to get to know the intriguing boy who had captured her curiosity.

Her hopes were met, as they began meeting at the library once a week to do homework or prepare for exams. Once a week quickly escalated to twice a week, and soon, they were seeing each other nearly every weekend.

Through those encounters, she learned quite a bit about Renjun, and she believed he was also getting to know her, to some extent. It would be a while before he truly understood her.

“Hey (Y/n),” he said one day, his tone laced with concern. “You're not usually this quiet. Are you okay?”

Lifting her head from her laptop, she met his worried expression, the first time she noticed how his chocolate brown eyes sparkled when the light hit just right. His soft gaze made her want to answer honestly, but she had grown accustomed to concealing her true feelings, even from herself. So, she responded with the same excuse she used whenever her friend posed that question.

“Oh, I'm... I'm just tired, that's all! I'm fine.”

He nodded and returned to his work without further inquiry, though she could sense his desire to probe deeper. Several such instances occurred between them, but she always held back, no matter how much she longed to reveal her true thoughts.

At times, she found herself wishing they hadn't crossed paths from the beginning.

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She remembered returning home each day, where her school life came to a pause and her personal life resumed. Upon entering through the front door, she was met by a towering stack of boxes and several others that crowded one end of the sofa. To any guest, it would appear as though they were in the middle of moving. However, they weren't. At least not at the time.

Ironically, despite her typically organized and minimalist lifestyle, she was no longer fazed by the clutter. Kicking off her well-worn sneakers and placing them on the shoe tray, she hung up her jacket and felt a wave of relief as she discarded her bag.

She picked up her bag once more, intending to carry it upstairs to her room. Just as she reached the top of the stairs, a voice interrupted her.

“Kim (Y/n). You don't even say hi to your mother?”

She held back from scoffing as her mother walked past her. Shaking her head, she continued to ignore her, as was her usual practice, and pushed open the door to her room. Her bag fell to the floor in the corner by her desk.

There was nothing particularly noteworthy about her room. She owned only the essentials: a bed, a dresser, an alarm clock, and a desk. However, it was the only place where the real her was revealed, not the persona she presented to the world, nor the facade of strength she wore despite being the weakest person she knew.

Taking a seat in front of her desk on the swivel chair, she sighed. Slowly, her hand reached for her sleeve and began rolling it up, revealing scars that had yet to fully heal. Ugly slashes of red and pink extended from her upper arm and stopped halfway at her forearm.

Laughing to herself, she clenched her fists. These scars served as a reminder of her brokenness.

Even someone like Huang Renjun couldn't rescue her from herself.

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She remembered the day after school when she was listening to music while waiting for the bus. As she scrolled through her saved albums, a message notification unexpectedly appeared.

Mom: (Y/n), I've started applying for job opportunities, but I'll also be receiving financial support from your father before leaving him. If you move in with me, you can have your own room and everything

After reading the message once, she took a deep breath and swiped it away. Gently inserting her earbuds into her ears, she turned up the volume on her phone, allowing the current song to engulf her ears, if only for a few minutes, to temporarily forget everything. However, her solitude was soon disrupted by someone taking a seat next to her at the bus stop. She immediately recognized him as Renjun.

“What are you listening to?” he asked.

She removed one earbud and handed it to him, inviting him to listen along with her. He smiled and plugged the earbud into his left ear.

“Oh, I know this song.” His eyes lit up as he began to sing along. The current track playing was “Don’t Go” by EXO. 

While he sang, she stared at him in a daze. “I didn't know you could sing,” she mumbled when the song ended.

Blushing, he cast his eyes downward. “I used to dream of becoming a singer like Rain or someone.”

“Do you not want to be a singer anymore?”

With some hesitation, he responded, “Entering the entertainment field is risky. The chances of someone like me getting in and achieving success are quite low.”

Before she could offer a proper reply, the bus arrived, momentarily interrupting their conversation. As they took their seats, Renjun began recommending songs and other artists she should explore. Nevertheless, her thoughts kept returning to what he had said earlier. She understood why he held those reservations. Someone as cautious as herself couldn't disagree.

That summer, she and Renjun spent a lot of time together. There were no formal plans or scheduled meetups; their interactions occurred naturally. If she was in one place, he would show up, and vice versa. In their moments alone, he would sing a few songs when she asked.

Unbeknownst to her, she found herself captivated by his voice. It was so clear and pleasant to the ear. She struggled to comprehend why he had abandoned his dream of becoming a singer, as it was evident that singing brought him immense joy.

“Your voice is so beautiful,” she mustered the courage to tell him one day. “I think if you debuted as a k-pop idol, you'd definitely make it.”

He looked up and smiled at her. “Thank you for saying that. But I believe it's wiser for me to attend university and secure a well-paying job.”

“You want to be just like everyone else?" she asked, wondering in the back of her mind if her question sounded too critical.

Renjun sighed, “It's a naive dream that's long behind me now. It doesn't matter anymore.”

Her lips formed a frown at his words, but she refrained from further comment. At the time, he seemed resolute in his choices. She had even thought to herself that perhaps it was for the best. If he had become a famous singer, he might have forgotten all about her.

Little did she know then how their lives would ultimately unfold, marked by contradictions.

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She remembered the last weekend before school was set to begin again. It was the first time she had been invited to his house, as his parents were away on a short trip to China, and he sought company. The idea of being alone with him at his place was intimidating, so she was relieved to find that he had also invited another friend to join them.

“Ugh, thank goodness you're here,” Renjun sighed in relief as he opened the door for her. “Haechan and I were arguing over which movie to watch.”

Trying to stifle a smile, she rolled her eyes as she closed her umbrella and removed her wet shoes. She often found it amusing how Renjun and Haechan could switch from arguing to being the best of friends in the blink of an eye.

“(Y/n), back me up here!” Haechan implored when he saw her enter the room. “On a rainy day like this, we have to watch a horror movie.”

She had known Lee Haechan since kindergarten, and even then, he was quite popular among the kids due to his outgoing personality. However, she hadn't interacted much with him until Renjun befriended her. Haechan started tagging along when they hung out, not wanting to be left out.

Despite Haechan's love for provoking Renjun, he was much kinder to her. He would often try to get her to defend him when he got Renjun angry. Naturally, the three of them ended up spending more time together than with their regular friend group.

“It's my house!” Renjun complained. “And I don't want to watch a horror movie.”

Haechan flashed a teasing glint in his eyes. “Oh. You're probably too scared to watch one.”

“I never said that I was scared,” Renjun turned to her. “Let’s just have (Y/n) choose the movie.”

Her cheeks warmed from the sudden attention. Their arguments typically ended with her being the one to make the final decision. So, she suggested a compromise: they could watch one horror movie and one of Renjun's choices. The boys looked at each other and had a moment of realization.

She had to admit it was quite amusing to watch Renjun and Haechan scream at the scary parts and laugh in embarrassment during the second movie. The two of them got into a spat when Haechan spilled popcorn on Renjun, leading to more bickering that she had to mediate. Sometimes she wondered if they were really in high school.

By the time they finished both movies, they noticed the storm hadn't shown any signs of letting up. Renjun suggested that they sleep over for the night, deeming it too risky to venture out in the rain.

Haechan eventually dozed off, leaving Renjun and her as the only ones still awake. They sat on the floor in front of the sofa, contemplating what to do. After a few awkward silences, Renjun cleared his throat.

“Do you want to see some of my old pictures?” she nodded eagerly in response.

He got up and retrieved a light brown photo album, which took her by surprise as she hadn't expected him to have so many pictures. They sat closer together, and he began to show her the photos.

“These are my parents,” Renjun gestured to the image in the top left corner. “And that's my grandfather over there.”

She beamed when she noticed a school photo of a younger Renjun on the next page. Glancing up at him, she commented, “I didn't know you had a snaggletooth.”

“Oh, yeah, I did,” Renjun shyly rubbed the back of his neck.

He pointed to his current smile, showing her his perfectly straight teeth. “But I have lingual braces now, so it's not there anymore.”

“But why? You looked so cute!" she said, saving herself from admitting she found him cute no matter what.

He sighed, “Only you would say that. If Haechan saw this, I wouldn't hear the end of it.”

They continued to browse through the photos, and she paused at one page, her thumb resting on a polaroid at the bottom right. A younger Renjun sat on a bench, with a girl beside him.

"Who is this?" she asked in a softer tone, without realizing it.

Renjun gazed at the photograph with a hint of hesitation. Without uttering a word, she could tell that a whirlwind of emotions and memories had unintentionally resurfaced.

“She was my first love back in my hometown,” Renjun sighed. “Our parents were good friends, so we knew each other from a young age.”

“We only dated for a year. But back then, I used to think nothing could ever separate us.” He wore a nostalgic smile that quickly faded. Evidently, his youthful hopes hadn't materialized as he had wished.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened?” she asked cautiously. Renjun paused and briefly looked at her.

“My dad got a new job here in Seoul, so we moved in the middle of tenth grade,” he explained. “I promised her... I promised her that we could still be together, that we could make it work.”

She could see the regret and sorrow pooling in his eyes. “But the last time we talked, she told me she couldn't handle a long-distance relationship. So she broke up with me.”

That final sentence felt both empty and painful. She couldn't fathom how much he must have suffered. Neither of them spoke for a while, until she mustered the courage to ask how he coped with it all.

“To be honest, it was tough in the beginning,” Renjun admitted. “But recently, I haven't been thinking about her as much.”

She shouldn't have allowed herself to feel hope upon hearing those words. “Have you moved on since then?”

“It still hurts from time to time,” he spoke honestly. “I cared about her a lot.”

“That's understandable,” she whispered. “Do you think you'll ever get over her?”

She tried to read his eyes when he looked back at her, but it was impossible. Instead, he shrugged. “I want to, but I'm not sure if I can.”

From that moment on, she should have given up, knowing that she never had a chance to begin with.

Maybe then, she could have prevented all the heartbreak she had set herself up for.

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She remembered that one morning when she was getting ready for school. As she went to leave her things near the door, she heard her mother's footsteps emerging from the kitchen. Her mother's hair was disheveled, and she had gained weight from all the delivery food she had been eating. She couldn't remember the last time her mother had cooked.

“(Y/n),” her mother reached for her, but she instinctively backed away. The desperation on her mother's face quickly shifted to irritation.

“I'm your mother, I gave birth to you. Is this how you treat me?”

“Eomma—”

But her mother continued, “How awful it is that you've turned out to be just like your abusive father. I can't believe he's brainwashed you.”

Anyone else listening might have thought she was a madwoman. Her mother had become a stranger to her.

“Appa has not abused you. No one is abusing you,” she tried to maintain her patience. “Eomma, you need help. You're not—”

“SHUT UP!” Her mother screamed, causing her to flinch. “You don't know what you're talking about. How dare you disrespect me?”

The heat of anger flushed her face. She yearned to scream back at her mother and tell her to stop, but she knew it would only add fuel to the fire. It wasn't worth it.

Before her mother walked away, she said something that she had been hearing frequently lately. “You know what? Sometimes I wish I wasn't your mother.”

Her fingers curled into fists. Her mom was always adept at being manipulative. As a teenager, she did her best to take her mother's insults maturely. But when someone you love hurls those words at you every day, it slowly chips away at you.

All she could see was red after that argument. She remembered searching for her razor blade and making multiple slashes across her arm when she found it. She didn't care about the stinging pain of the cuts or the fresh, warm blood trickling down her arm. Her thoughts were clouded with fury. She was furious at her mother for behaving like a child and at her father for allowing it to happen. She was furious at herself for not being able to do anything. Every night, she was kept awake by her mother's shouting, harassing her father for no apparent reason.

Trembling with anger, she walked to school. All the pent-up pain and bitterness were bubbling to the surface. She had tried so hard to be strong for her father and everyone else, believing she could handle everything on her own.

By the time she arrived at class that day, she could barely hold herself together. She kept her head down to conceal the evidence of her tears. She took her seat at her desk and tried to regain her composure, determined not to let anyone see the real her, the one filled with bitterness and misery.

“Morning, (Y/n),” she heard his voice calling out to her. Renjun's desk was near the front, by the window, while hers was closer to the back. However, every morning, he would come over to discuss after-school plans or homework.

She hastily wiped away any tears and looked up, forcing a smile to hide her inner turmoil. By eleventh grade, they had become closer since the previous school year. She should have known that Renjun would see right through her. It took just one look for him to sense that something was amiss.

“Something's up. What's wrong?”

Renjun glanced down at her wrist, and she almost gasped when she noticed blood seeping through her uniform sleeve. Blinded by rage, she must have unintentionally cut herself deeper this time.

“(Y/n), what—” He reached for her arm before she could stop him. He paused before gently pulling up her sleeve, revealing the fresh cuts from that morning.

Renjun opened his mouth to say something but remembered they were in a classroom setting. He looked back at her, seeing that all color had drained from her face and her lip began to quiver.

“Come on,” he prompted her, leading her out of the classroom. 

“Renjun, where are you taking me?”

“To the nurse's office. Now.”

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She remembered him pulling her into the nurse's office. Despite her protests and attempts to stop walking, he paid no attention and continued. When they arrived, Renjun had her sit down on one of the treatment beds while he retrieved the first aid kit.

As he lifted the rest of her sleeve, she found herself holding her breath. She said nothing as Renjun cleaned and bandaged her wounds, her gaze dropping to her arm. What was once fair in color and smooth was now marred by hideous scars. Most of them were faded white, while some were still pink. The new red marks stood out the most.

Numerous times, Renjun tried to catch her gaze. She could tell he wanted to know what she was thinking. After applying the last bandage and closing the first aid kit, she forced herself to meet his woeful eyes.

“(Y/n)...” He began, uncertainty in his voice. “Whatever you're going through that makes you hurt yourself like this, you can tell me.”

They locked eyes for a brief moment, and she knew she was about to share everything she had been holding back. She loathed showing vulnerability in front of those she cared about. It filled her with a strong sense of self-hatred.

“I... I can't,” she practically whispered.

Renjun was stubborn and wouldn't give up. He placed his hand on hers, gently squeezing it. “You can trust me, I promise.”

She stared at him for a moment before her facade, maintained for months, crumbled. Slowly, she began to confide in Renjun. She told him about her mother's drug problem and how it had nearly bankrupted their family. She spoke of the sleepless nights listening to her mother hurl insults at her father. It was the first time she had shared the news of her parents’ decision to end their disastrous marriage. Finally, she told him about the argument with her mother that morning and the hurtful things her mother had said to her. 

“How could a mother say those things to her daughter?” Her voice wavered as she continued, “When I've spent my whole life trying to...hoping for her to love me.”

She waited for Renjun to say something. But he caught her off guard when he reached over and enveloped her in a tight hug. He patted her back gently and assured her that she had every right to be upset.

“Your mom must be crazy not to see how amazing you are,” he said, using his thumb to wipe away her tears. “I'm sorry she said those things to you. You didn't deserve that.”

She sniffed and shook her head. “I don't know why there's still some part of me that expects something from her.”

"It's because you love her and want her to be healthy," Renjun responded.

She lowered her head and admitted, "I guess you're right..."

There was a brief silence between them. Renjun frowned, glancing around the room before standing up. He looked down at her with a mischievous smile.

“Let's get out of here,” he suggested, nodding toward the door.

Her torn expression shifted to a confused one. “Right now? But we have class.”

“That’s fine. We’ll just say you felt sick, and I offered to take you home.”

“So you’re suggesting we skip school?”

“I mean yeah, why not?” Renjun shrugged. “It’s not like they’re going to suspect anything bad from top students like us.”

Her eyebrows lifted in uncertainty. She never thought she would ever hear Huang Renjun suggesting skipping class. She had never in her life done such a thing.

Tired of waiting, he took her hand and pulled her up. “You should go have fun on a day like this. To clear your mind.”

She could feel her heart beating faster when he held her hand. Slightly flustered by the situation, she just nodded and followed him to sneak out of the school grounds. They got on a bus and sat in the back rows. She didn’t bother asking Renjun where they were going. Her mind was still stuck on the fact that she had practically spilled her heart out to the boy next to her. She regretted telling him so much in her emotional state. But he didn’t appear to think any less of her.

Renjun ended up taking her to a small arcade filled with game machines, prizes, and neon lights. “Haechan talks about this place a lot. It’s my first time here, though.”

She chuckled, “He’s going to kill you when he finds out you came here without him.”

“I know,” Renjun said and took her hand again. “Come on, let’s go buy some tokens.”

They played all sorts of games that day, such as racing and shooting ones. She thought she would be bad at the basketball game, but it turned out Renjun was worse than her. She laughed when he got pouty for not being able to score many baskets.

“Oh, over there!” She pointed out. “I’ve always wanted to go to a photobooth with friends.”

Renjun smiled at her sudden excitement. “Let’s go do it, then.”

The two of them went in and paid the machine to take some pictures. In a hurry before the camera started rolling, they picked out accessories for each other. She hoped Renjun didn’t notice the shade of pink on her cheeks as he set a white headband with cat ears on her head. On the other hand, she chose a pair of large daisy-themed sunglasses for him.

Renjun convinced her to try doing different poses. By the time the camera clicked for the last time, both of them were caught up in laughter. To her surprise, the photos came out well. In the last one, she saw Renjun smiling down at her, and she had her hands shaped as a heart. Anyone would have mistaken them for a couple.

She thought they would be done once they were finished with the arcade. But by the time they left, it was late afternoon. She hadn’t even realized the time went by. By then, the school day was already over. She said that they should just go back home now. Renjun looked at her with a slightly worried expression.

“Why don’t we get some ice cream first?” He pointed toward the frozen treat shop across the street. Reluctantly, she agreed and let him lead them to the place.

After getting their ice cream, they sat at one of the two-person tables outside. Subconsciously, she quietly observed him as he ate his green tea flavored ice cream. Why was her heart continuing to beat faster whenever she was around him?

“You should eat yours before it melts,” Renjun pointed out.

She was snapped out of her thoughts and glanced down at the mint-chocolate ice cream cone in her hand. Laughing nervously, she quickly took a small bite. “Oh right.”

Renjun chuckled and picked up the napkin near him. “You have some on your lips.”

Absent-mindedly, he reached over the table to wipe off the remaining cream off her mouth. Her eyes widened when she noticed how close their faces were. When Renjun saw the blush on her face, he coughed and sat back down in his seat.

Once the heat in her cheeks lessened, she took the chance to speak again. “I didn’t get the chance to thank you for today. I’m…I’m sorry about this morning.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Renjun shook his head. “I just—if you ever feel like hurting yourself again…”

He made eye contact with her when he said this, “Come to me, okay? Don’t feel like you have to carry all the burdens on your own.”

When she didn’t say anything, he placed a hand on top of hers. It was the third time he did that today. “I’ll always be here for you, (Y/n)-yah.”

How she wished that she hadn’t taken those words to heart.

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She remembered Haechan narrowing his eyes at her as they waited for Renjun at the library. He seemed as if he was suspecting her of something. She hoped Renjun would come soon to break this weird tension.

“How long are you going to stare at me like that?” She glanced up from her schoolwork.

Ignoring her question, Haechan said, “You and Renjun have been acting strange around each other.”

She laughed incredulously. “What are you talking about?”

“The way you two look at each other is different.” Haechan twirled the pencil in his hands with his fingers. “And you’ve been hanging out a lot. Without me.”

“Haechan, we’re just friends-”

“You like him, don’t you?” Instantly, she froze when he asked. The corner of Haechan’s lips curled upward into a smile.

“I’ll take your silence as a confirmation.”

“How…how did you find out?”

Haechan rolled his eyes as if the answer was obvious. “I’ve known you since kindergarten, Kim (Y/n). Never have I seen you look at a boy before Renjunie.”

It was true. She had no interest in boys unlike the other girls in her class at the time. She was always preoccupied with what was going on at home. Not just with boys, she had never made an effort to make many friends. Her mindset at the time was it was better to be alone, so no one could hurt her. Then Huang Renjun came along and changed everything.

She briefly scanned the library to ensure no one was paying them any mind, before leaning closer to the table. But that didn’t stop her from speaking in a hushed tone.

“You can’t tell him, okay?” 

Haechan looked at her quizzically. “You’re not going to confess to him?”

“Why would I? That would be too risky.”

“What’s there to risk?” Her friend tilted his head. “You’re single, he’s single. You like him, and he probably likes you back.”

Shaking her head, “There’s no way he likes me back. I think he’s still stuck on his past relationship.”

“His first love back in China?” Haechan scoffed. “(Y/n), that was so long ago. And you’re here, right in front of him. I think you have a solid chance.”

“It’s not that easy, Haechan. Our whole friendship could be ruined, and I don’t want that to happen.”

The boy frowned at her. “So what? You’re just going to do nothing and watch him go find someone else?”

“Hey, guys! Sorry, I’m late.” A male voice ended their conversation. They looked to see Renjun waving to them and coming to their table.

“What were you guys talking about?” he asked when he sat down.

Before Haechan could answer, she spoke up before him. “We were just talking about the math test tomorrow.”

“Oh right. Let me get out my textbook so we can study.” Renjun reached down for his bag. While doing so, Haechan narrowed his eyes on her again.

He did have a point. She certainly didn’t want to see the boy she liked with someone else. But she was too much of a coward at the time. Confessing to Renjun sounded terrifying just thinking about it. She could never bring herself to do it.

Back then, she should’ve listened to her instincts.

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She remembered frowning at the empty desk in the corner of the room when she entered that morning. For once, there was no Renjun to greet her with his cute smile and wave. That was odd, she thought to herself. He was always in the classroom before her.

When she made her way to her seat, Haechan sat at the desk in front of her. His chin rested in one of his hands as he sulked.

“Our Renjunie is at home with a cold. That’s why he couldn’t come to school today.”

“He caught a cold?” He rarely got sick. But Haechan nodded in confirmation.

“Remember the other day when he forgot to bring an umbrella when it was raining?”

“Oh goodness,” she sighed, worry swirled around her head. “Maybe we should go visit him after school.”

Haechan smiled teasingly and shook his head. “Nah, I don’t want to get in the way of your lovey-dovey moments with him.”

“Lee Haechan!” She lightly pushed his shoulder as he laughed.

“You know, it’s really easy to make you blush? I can only imagine what happens when Renjunie is around.” 

She swore, the boy was purposely pushing all her buttons.

Regardless of Haechan’s teasing, she still went to Renjun’s house after school. She had asked the light-haired boy one more time if he wanted to join her. But he said that he had something else to do. Whatever that was.

Anxiously, she made her way up the front steps of his house with a bag in her hand. The school day was killing her, knowing that Renjun was sick and home alone. She had never so badly for classes to be over.

His mom was there to open the door for her. Even though they had been friends for more than a year, it was her first time meeting Renjun’s mother. Immediately she recognized their similar facial features. “Hello, how can I help you?”

Almost forgetting her words, she straightened up her posture and bowed. “I’m so sorry to bother you. But is Renjun home?”

The woman’s face brightened when she said her son’s name. Clasping her hands together, she smiled at her. “You must be that girl he talks about all the time. It’s so nice to finally meet you!”

Her eyes widened when she heard this. Renjun talked about her? To his parents? Before she could muster up a good response, Mrs. Huang was already ushering her inside the house.

“I’m so glad you came,” She said. “My poor son is sick in bed. But I got called into work right now and his father already left in the morning.”

She slipped off her shoes and gave his mother what she hoped to be a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to worry Mrs. Huang. I came to make sure he was okay, so I can help watch over him for you.”

“Oh, that’s so kind of you. Thank you so much,” She squeezed her hands and tried to get a better look at her. “Truly, I’m grateful that Renjun has a friend like you. He was so sad when we first moved here. But now he’s so much happier.”

She recalled the few times when Renjun told her he felt homesick. In the beginning, he told her a lot about his hometown and his childhood there. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to move to a completely different country.

“It’s nothing, really,” She told his mother. “Your son is a great friend of mine. He…he means a lot to me.”

After hearing his mom’s words, she remembered wanting nothing more than to stay by Renjun’s side. She wanted to be there for him, just like he was to her. Even if he never knew about her feelings, she was okay with that.

Ms. Huang thanked her again before she hurriedly left for work. She told her that he was still in bed and his bedroom was on the left side down the hall.

“Renjun?” She knocked before coming into the room. The walls were painted a pale yellow, and there was a window above his desk. His room was neat and simple, like hers.

Renjun lifted his head to see that she had called his name. “(Y/n), what are you doing here?”

She grimaced when she heard him cough. “Your mom just left. I came to drop off your homework and look after you for a bit.”

“Oh…but what if you get sick?” 

She smiled at his show of concern. “I should be fine. I have a strong immune system,” she insisted.

He didn’t seem to be very convinced. But he reluctantly laid back on his pillow. She set her school bag down on his desk chair.

“There are some things I have to prepare,” She said, going toward the door. “Just rest here, and I’ll be back in a bit okay?”

Renjun was too tired to protest, so he patiently waited for her to come back. It wasn’t like there was anything else he could do.

Moments later, she returned with a tray that carried a steaming hot bowl of porridge and a cup of tea. The sick boy peered up with a curious look in his eyes.

“This is some congee I made. It’s good to eat warm things when you have a cold,” she explained as she carefully placed the tray on his nightstand. Leaving the drink, she picked up the bowl to give to him.

Renjun smiled, but there was slight guilt in his eyes. “You didn’t have to do that for me.”

“It’s no big deal,” she said. “I made it the other day when my dad got sick. So I just reheated the leftovers that I had.”

“But still…”

Ignoring his nasally mumbles, she took the spoon and firmly put it in his hands. “You need to eat to get your strength back.”

He accepted the utensil sulkily and weakly took a bite of the food she made. She watched quietly as he ate. His face was paler than usual, and his dark hair was damp from his sickness. She hadn’t imagined a sick Renjun would be so cute. But somehow, she was surprised either way.

She stayed with Renjun the rest of the evening. After helping him take some cold medicine, they moved to the living room and watched some k-dramas on her laptop. Some laughter was exchanged at the funny parts. Occasionally, she heard sniffles at the sadder scenes in the movie. She wasn’t sure if it was Renjun’s symptoms or if he was actually crying. Either way, she pretended she didn’t hear him.

“Gosh, you're burning up,” she said when she placed a hand on his forehead to check his temperature.

She stood up to get a cold wet towel to help him cool down. Sitting back down at the foot of his bed, she leaned over to gently dab the cloth onto his forehead. She could sense Renjun switching from staring at her to glancing over her shoulder. But she pretended not to notice. After a few minutes, she brought her hand down and asked if he felt any better. But he wouldn’t answer.

“Renjun?” He looked back at her and gestured for her hand. He took it and placed her hand over his chest.

“Why do you keep making me feel like this, (Y/n)?” 

His words meshed into the other. But she was still able to understand what he was saying. She stared at him in surprise, unable to find an appropriate response.

Renjun pressed his other hand over his eyes in distress. “All I’ve been thinking about lately is you. I swear it’s driving me crazy.”

From hearing this, she was certain that this was just the fever talking. She didn’t want to give herself false hope.

“Renjun, you…should rest. I don’t think you know what you’re saying.” She tried to pry her hand out of his.

Instead of letting her go, she felt his grip tighten around her wrist. Before she could say anything, her body was pulled down into a position where Renjun was right beneath her. She wasn’t sure if the sudden heat she felt came from Renjun’s fever or from how flustered she was at the moment.

“Huang Renjun, what are you—” She tried to escape, but he held her in place. He brought her closer to where their faces were merely inches apart. His steady eyes marveled over her red cheeks and eventually moved down to her lips.

But before she could make another attempt to move off of him, he pulled her down so their lips could meet.

Her eyes were wide open when she processed what was happening. He had single-handedly taken her first kiss, and she wasn’t sure how to take it at the time.

Little passion was felt in the kiss. But there was so much yearning and desire. When she let go of any resistance and closed her eyes, she felt herself melting into his touch. This… is something that she wasn’t aware she had wanted. I mean, what girl wouldn’t want to be kissed by the boy she liked?

Before the things could go any further, Renjun released his hands off her neck and fell back. He had dozed off in the next second, leaving her to be baffled by the situation.

She couldn’t recall what happened after. All she could remember was waking up the next morning on Renjun’s couch with a dark blue blanket covering her. Slowly, she sat up and saw Renjun exiting a room.

“Oh, you’re awake!” He looked slightly better than he did the other day, but still a little pale. Self-consciously, she straightened her clothes and patted down her hair as he came to sit beside her.

“Wha-what time is it?” She sat up and reached for her phone to look at the clock. 10:15 am.

Renjun chuckled, “It’s a good thing it’s Saturday.”

Warily, she placed her phone back down on the table in front of them. She looked at the boy beside her for a moment, wondering how to bring up the events that occurred the night before. She must’ve fallen asleep late, overthinking everything. If Renjun kissed her, that had to mean he felt something for her, right? Or were his actions from him being delirious?

“Renjun, about yesterday…” She started.

His eyes lit up, “Oh right. I can’t thank you enough for staying and taking care of me. My mom told me to say thank you to her. She and my dad have already left for work.”

“Oh…it was nothing,” she shook her head. “But I’m talking about when you-”

Renjun leaned back on the couch and sighed, “Ugh I hadn’t been that sick in a long time. Honestly, some of the things from yesterday are hazy to me.”

Her eyes blinked in confusion. “Do…do you not remember what happened last night then?”

The boy furrowed his brows as he tried to think back. Seconds later he snapped his fingers. “Oh yeah. The ice towel you used really helped to bring my fever down. I wanted to thank you for that too.”

So he didn’t remember kissing her. Any hopes she had of Renjun might share the same feelings as she dissolved in an instant. Those optimistic feelings were replaced by perplexity and dismay.

Stupid, foolish girl. She was such an idiot to have such thoughts to begin with.

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She remembered the astounded look on Haechan’s face when she glumly told him about what happened. They had met up at a café later that afternoon. 

“He what?!” The boy across from her nearly jumped out of his chair.

She shot him a nervous glare, “Haechan! Can you please just sit back down?”

“Sorry, let me get this straight.” He thankfully did as she asked. “You were taking care of Renjun, and he kissed you. But he doesn’t remember it?”

She dropped her head and nodded gloomily. “What am I supposed to do now?”

“Are you sure he forgot?” Haechan asked.

“I don’t know. If he didn’t, he obviously wants to pretend it never happened,” she said, poking at the straw in her drink. Hearing herself say that only left her feeling more depressed.

Haechan sighed and gave her a look of slight concern. “(Y/n), I really think you should just tell Renjun about your feelings.”

“Haechan…”

“I’m being serious! At this point, you should just go for it,” he sat up in his seat. “What could possibly go wrong other than him saying no?”

She had sworn to herself that she would never confess to Renjun. Even if there was a small chance he might like her in return, she was too scared to risk it. He meant too much to her to lose him because of her selfishness.

“If Renjun rejects me, he’ll feel bad and have a hard time.” Her shoulders faltered. “I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable because of me.”

Haechan crossed his arms, “But that might never happen. Coming from experience, it’s better to just confess your feelings and be done with it. Things might not go the way you want. But you’ll feel better after.”

“Maybe you’re right,” she fumbled with the paper wrapping from her straw.

Haechan smirked, “Of course, I am. I’m always right.”

“Yeah, and what experience do you have?” She questioned, referring to his prior words. In response, he put a finger to his mouth as a motion for her not to comment further.

“Just trust me, okay?”

She dwelled on what Haechan said for a bit. Honestly, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could go being around Renjun without her heart exploding. Especially after they kissed. How long was she going to let herself live like this?

So for once and all, she followed Haechan’s advice and chose one day to confess. 

She had to show that she wasn’t a coward and be a little braver for once. It was the most determined she had ever been about something. She was finally going to confront her feelings.

At least she thought she was.

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She remembered it was the beginning of autumn when she asked Renjun to meet her at the park one day. Aside from that, she had been trying to get out of the house more often. Things with her parents were still rocky. Being at school and spending time with friends allowed her to stop thinking about it all for a little while.

But that day was different. When she had finally decided to face her fears and just tell Renjun how she felt. She was beyond nervous, unable to keep her legs from shaking as she waited for him to arrive. She had repeated everything she was going to say numerous times the night before. 

Having never confessed to a boy before, she spent the past few nights searching for tips on what she should do. There was one site that said you should dress up for these occasions. So foolishly, she spent almost an hour picking the right outfit and makeup. She hoped Renjun wouldn’t find her being too obvious.

Before she could chicken out, she saw him walking down the street to see her. He was wearing a smile. She didn’t think about it then. But his smile wasn’t bright like the normal ones he showed her. This one was filled with slight apprehension.

“Hey (Y/n),” He came to her with hands in the pockets of his jacket. “What did you want to do today?”

There was no way for her to back out anymore. “Actually Renjun, there’s something I want to tell you.”

“Oh really? I have something to tell you too,” Renjun scratched the back of his head. She was curious as to what he had to say. For a second she forgot about her plan.

They stared at each other awkwardly until Renjun cleared his throat. “You—you can go first if you want.”

“Oh okay.” Tensely, her grip on the strap of her purse tightened. She told herself that she could do this. It was Renjun, after all. Why did she make this so hard for herself?

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to meet his eyes. “You see, there’s something I’ve been hiding from you.”

Renjun looked at her with slight concern, “Hiding from me? (Y/n), you know you can tell me anything, right?”

“I know, I know. That’s why I’m telling you today because I don’t think I can keep it in anymore,” She said. Here goes nothing, she remembered thinking to herself.

“Renjun, I like—”

“Huang Renjun!” She was stopped by an unfamiliar female voice from behind her. As she started to process her failed attempt to confess, she watched a look of astonishment appear on Renjun’s face. 

She turned to see a girl about their age with short light-brown hair, wearing a yellow sweater over a white skirt. She ran over to embrace the boy in front of her.

For a moment, Renjun seemed to be at a loss for words. Then he slowly hugged her back and a name rolled off his tongue. “Xiaomi?”

She held him closer to her. “Oh, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I—I don’t understand. What are you doing here?” He pulled away. Surprise and bewilderment were still evident in his expression.

Every ounce of glee was pouring from her eyes. “I couldn’t stand us being so far apart. It took me a while, but I convinced my parents to move us here.”

“But…but how?”

“Your father talked with mine and helped him secure a job at the same company,” She replied. “I’ll be going to the same school as you too!”

(Y/n) stood there like a fool. They were speaking in Chinese. But it didn’t take an idiot to understand the situation. She was his first love. The one he told her about. She was here, she had come for him. And (Y/n) was just…there.

Renjun didn’t respond and glanced back at her. Finally, the girl turned to look at her. It turned out that she also knew how to speak Korean. But hers wasn’t nearly as good as Renjun’s.

“Is this a friend of yours?”

Suddenly snapping out of his daze, “Y-yeah. This is Kim (Y/n). (Y/n), this is Xu Xiaomi.”

Swallowing this whole new feeling of heartbreak, (Y/n) forced a smile on her face. “Renjun told me about you.”

Xiaomi beamed, “He did? How sweet.”

She looked back at Renjun and clasped her hands together. “Isn’t this great, Renjun? We can finally be together now!” 

“I think I’ll get going now,” She bowed her head. She didn’t think she could stand to watch any longer. 

Renjun called out to her but she pretended not to hear him. She woke up that day, barely ready for rejection. So many scenarios she had gone through and prepared what to say. But she didn’t expect that to happen. 

Yet, she had no idea that there would be more pain to come.

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She remembered Xiaomi being introduced to their homeroom the next Monday. She kept exchanging glances with Renjun throughout the class. She could hear Haechan, who was a few seats behind her, making gagging noises at the couple.

She hadn’t spoken much to Renjun since that day at the park. She wasn’t sure which was worse, losing the one chance she had to confess to her crush or witnessing him be reunited with his past lover.

“Are you going to eat your tonkatsu?” Haechan pointed his chopsticks to her lunch, snapping her out of her brief daze. 

He was trying to act like everything was normal. But she could tell he was holding back what he truly wanted to say. Although Renjun or Xiaomi wouldn’t have heard him anyway, since they hadn’t arrived at the cafeteria yet.

When he asked, she pushed her tray toward the boy. “Have it all.”

Her appetite had been lost over the past few days. Not only because of Renjun, she just had this mild pain in her head. Maybe her body was finally breaking from all the emotions she had been trying to hide.

Before Haechan could question her, she stood up from her seat. “I’m going to go back to the classroom for a bit. There’s an assignment I want to get ahead on.”

When she approached their classroom, she saw Renjun and Xiaomi through the window. She was near the door, but they couldn’t see her. She didn’t know why she was inclined to stay. She wasn’t there at the beginning of the conversation. But she had heard the rest of it.

“Tell me the truth, Renjun. Who is Kim (Y/n) to you?” Xiaomi asked. She was no longer smiling brightly.

Immediately (Y/n) was alerted when she heard her name. When did she become the subject?

“Xiaomi…”

She frowned at him in dissatisfaction. “I saw the way you looked at her. Do you not love me anymore?”

“What? No!” Renjun denied. He quickly grabbed Xiaomi’s hands and held them.

She wasn’t prepared to hear what he said next. “Honestly, (Y/n) is just a friend of another friend I made here, and we’ve hung out a few times. She…she means nothing to me.”

“Are you sure?” 

He gently lifted her chin and kissed her reassuringly before murmuring. “Yes.”

(Y/n)'s hand reached to cover her mouth, as she started to back away. A sob climbed up her throat. But she was already running before they could hear her. She couldn’t stop thinking about how naive she had been. How stupid she was.

To ever think for even a moment, that she would ever mean something to someone.

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She remembered her dad mentioning that he wanted to move back to Busan. After she had been born out of wedlock, he moved from his hometown to be with her mother in Seoul. Now that the divorce was almost finalized, there was nothing here for him anymore.

At first, she was against the idea. She didn't want to leave her friends and school. But as she thought about it more, she started to think that maybe it was for the best. She didn't think she could ever look at Renjun the same again. Not after he said those things. Yet there was this part of her that still harbored feelings for him. It left her more devastated than anything. Was she really nothing to him?

She was so sick of it all. But before she could leave everything behind, there was something she wanted to do first.

↣ ↢

Haechan was the only person she told that she was moving. She asked him not to tell any of their other friends, especially Renjun.

Surprisingly, Haechan was a lot more understanding than she expected. But he didn't hold back his anger when she told him about what she had heard the other day.

“Damn. That son of a-”

She nearly hit him for swearing. “Lee Haechan! He's still your best friend.”

“I don't care if he is!” Haechan saw the distress in her eyes and sighed. “Okay, I'm sorry. But I still think he was an a**hole to say those things.”

Hating to admit, she kind of had to agree with him. Maybe Renjun wasn't the person she thought he was.

“Thank you, for being there when I needed it,” she said, avoiding eye contact.

The boy waved his hand dismissively, “You're lucky to have such a smart and loyal friend like me.”

Of course, he still maintained that ego of his. But then Haechan placed a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sincere look.

“Hang in there, kid,” He said with a proud smile on his face. “I'm sure things will get better for you.”

“We're the same age, Haechan.”

“Shush, don't ruin the moment.”

She shook her head and laughed. Despite everything, it was still nice to know that there was still one person by her side. The past version of her would have never even imagined being friends with someone like Haechan.

But on multiple levels, life had done its best to prove her wrong.

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At the end of the month, their homeroom teacher had an announcement for the class in the morning. But all Renjun could think about was the empty desk in the back center of the room. (Y/n) hadn't been at school this past week. Multiple attempts he had made to call and text her. But there was no response. It was almost as if she had disappeared all of a sudden.

“I know some of you may be wondering about your classmate that has been missing,” the teacher looked around the students. “I came to tell you that Kim Y/n is no longer a student at this school and has moved away.”

The sound of gasps and murmurs erupted among the class. Renjun shook his head, unable to believe the news. No, it couldn’t be true. Why would she leave without saying anything?

“Where did she move to?” One person asked. Renjun looked at his teacher with hope in his eyes.

But the man shook his head and stepped away from the podium. “I can't disclose that information, for her privacy's sake. That's all I have for today. Get ready for your English class.”

When the teacher left, Renjun turned to find Haechan. He didn't seem the slightest bit surprised by this news. He had to know something.

“Where is (Y/n)?” His friend only responded with a glare.

“Lee Haechan!” Renjun's fingers curled into fists, quick to resort to anger.

Haechan shook his head and brought a light purple envelope from his bag. Without looking at him, he gestured for Renjun to take it. “She asked me to give you this.”

He hesitated before adding, “She should be at the train station. But she doesn't leave until half an hour from now. That's all I'm telling you.”

The envelope crinkled in Renjun's hands. He heard Xiaomi call his name. But he was already out the door, running out of school and catching a taxi. He had to find Y/n. He didn't care about the consequences.

Nothing else was on his mind except for her.

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

Dear Renjun,

A part of me hopes you will never read this. But if you are, that must mean things didn’t work out the way I had planned. And the purpose of this letter has changed from what it was originally supposed to be.

I know in our day and age that letters are old-fashioned. But I still loved the idea of them. I am writing you this letter because I am not brave enough to face you in person. I haven’t been truthful to you about some things. So here I want to clarify them. I hope you don’t mind.

I don’t remember how it exactly happened. But I’ve liked you for some time now. I think it was that day when I saw you helping that lady cross the street. I guess I’m someone who is easily swayed by kindness.

However, I didn’t realize my feelings until the day you learned about my secrets. That was when I knew I couldn’t keep myself from falling anymore. When we used to study together and hang out in the summer, I was the happiest I had ever been. I should thank you for that.

You had gotten out of a serious relationship and I wasn’t looking to date. I thought I was content with just being friends.

Then on the day you were sick, we kissed. Maybe you didn’t remember. Or maybe you didn’t want to. It was probably some mistake to you. Yet for a second, I thought there was a chance you liked me too. But I was very wrong about that, wasn’t I?

I know I mean nothing to you. But to me, you meant everything. You were the first person who knew my secret and comforted me. You made me feel like I didn’t have to hurt alone anymore.

I may not be your first love, Renjun, But you were mine. And I want nothing more than happiness and success in your future. Seriously, do something that makes you happy. Not because of any standards that are put on us, or the pressure that you give yourself. I hope that you can find your dream again and to someday see you shine brighter than anyone else.

Obviously, you don’t have to listen to me. But these were the things I wanted to say to you without any more regrets.

Sincerely, Kim (Y/n)

The letter crumpled in Renjun’s shaky hands. He looked at the taxi driver with desperation. “Ahjeossi, please hurry!” He anxiously sat back in his seat.

So she did hear what he said that day. Why, why did he lie? Why had he been so foolish?

When he finally got to the train station, Renjun sprinted inside only to be crowded by the other people passing by. He tried his best to get through briskly.

“(Y/n)!” He called out as if he was insane. “Kim (Y/n)!”

He could care less about the people who gave him odd stares. His mind was focused on getting to her. He ran to find the public transport timetable. His eyes darted across the board and found the departures.

10:44 BUSAN KTX DELAY: 0 min

He was too late. She was gone, leaving him in his regrets and despair. The boy fell to his knees as tears streamed down his face.

“Please…please come back, (Y/n),” Renjun cried, “Don’t go, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

He knew that she couldn’t hear him. Every word that came out of his mouth was futile. She could not see him right now. But if she did, she would’ve run back to embrace him and tell him not to cry.

All he could do was bang his fists on the ground, pathetically. “(Y/n), I’m sorry. Please don’t leave me.”

He said this, even though she was never his and he was never hers. This pain was worse than when Xiaomi had broken up with him. He didn’t think he would ever be able to move on from it. There were so many words that he wanted to say to her. Words that he should’ve said to her before. Most importantly,

“I love you.”

┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦┈◦•◦⟡•◦

{ five years later }

Here she was again, standing before him after not seeing each other since the eleventh grade. But she wasn’t alone.

“Hey, everyone. It's been a while,” she still seemed shy, but more reassured.

That was when his eyes found the person holding her hand. He was tall, handsome with jet black hair and a face that could charm anyone. If Renjun saw him in any other setting, he would have assumed he was some playboy. But in this case, the guy was looking at Y/n with tenderness in his eyes. Anyone would be able to tell he was completely enamored with her from just one glance.

Coincidentally, she met Renjun's eyes when she introduced the person next to her. “This is Na Jaemin—my boyfriend.”

“Wah, he's so handsome!” Her friends were awed as if he wasn't standing right there.”You found yourself a good one, Y/n!”

All Renjun could do was sit back and listen to the others asking how the two met and how long they'd been dating. He thought he should feel angry or betrayed. But for some reason, he didn't feel those things.

“Renjun, you should sing something for us,” Haechan said later in the night. He gestured to the small stage near the back.

“I don't know, guys…”

“Oh come on,” one classmate begged. “Just one song?”

Eventually, Renjun gave in knowing it was the only way for them to stop asking. In the next few seconds, the singer found himself getting out of his seat and getting up on stage. He adjusted the microphone stand and connected his phone to the speaker.

Tightening his grip as the music started to play, inadvertently they made eye contact again. At just one glance, so many emotions swelled in his heart. Without her, he would've ignored his passion and moved on to live a meaningless life. But thanks to (Y/n), he was able to find his dream again and go after it.

Never would he forget how he hurt her with his foolish words. The song he was about to sing was chosen especially for her.

“Why do I get sulky so easily? Am I this pathetic because of my small heart?” He started to sing, tightly gripping onto the mic stand. “Don’t go, I know I was a bit too much. Can you forgive me for being regretful again?”

As a professional, Renjun did his best to keep his voice stable, but it wasn’t easy. This song was written for her. He didn't know if she had heard it before. But he hoped it could convey the feelings he wasn't able to before.

Kim (Y/n), who he loved. Kim (Y/n), who he had hurt and brought him so much regret.

The same heartache he was feeling earlier returned as he sang the chorus, “Tell me, why I let you down? Any chance I get I'm breaking down.”

“I know it's my fault, but why is it so hard? To tell you that I'm sorry, heart.” His gaze remained fixed on her as the lyrics gracefully flowed from his lips.

There was loud applause when Renjun finished the song. But he couldn't enjoy it. He just wanted to see her reaction. She was smiling at him with tears glistening in her eyes. That was all the approval Renjun needed.

When the event was over, he went outside in hopes to talk to her. His feet stopped moving when he found her standing under a large tree nearby. She was talking to Jaemin, who had his back toward him. She laughed at something he said.

Then a few moments later, the man took a small box out of his jacket pocket. Renjun watched as her eyes lit up in the utmost surprise. Renjun couldn't hear the conversation. But he was there when she mouthed the word “yes” and to see them warmly hug each other after.

Still, in her partner's embrace, she met Renjun's gaze once more. He knew that she was content by the way she smiled at him.

And he couldn't help but smile back. Was he envious? Of course, he was. He would do almost anything to be in that man’s place. However, nothing could be done or changed.

He was happy for her because she was happy. No words could be exchanged. But none needed to be said. Their story had ended a long time ago.

They were living in reality, not some cliché world where everyone got their happy ending. 

Where having a first love didn't necessarily guarantee they would be their last. But that didn't mean finding happiness was not achievable.

𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚༝༚𓆩⟡𓆪

[intersectionalpraxis]

Covid was a bioweapon created by the government to kill off many people because they are trying to depopulate the earth. Agree or disagree? Because it's the truth.

Coronavirus refers to any RNA viruses that effect our respiratory, gastrointestinal and neurological systems.

Coronaviruses get their names because of their crown-shapes, and were first discovered/identified back in the 1960s. The start of the pandemic in 2020 was a type of coronavirus that was called SARS-CoV-2 which originated from wild animal(s). There were scientific theories about which animals and most agree it was from a wet market in Wuhan, China and that transmission to human beings was a result of close proximity and viral infection from the species (such as bats or pangolins).

Covid was not nor is a bioweapon created by the government. It was a result of what I explained above. Viruses have existed as long as this world has so to reduce this to a conspiracy theory is a one-dimensional take because any biologist, virologist, epidemiologist -any one in a science field with a degree with research in any of the topics and areas of study I mentioned understand how viruses work and operate.

Climate change and global warming are also a factor into the increase/spread of these illnesses, but also the heavy demand for animal-based products all around the world which have lead and will continue to expose human beings to viruses (the Bird Flu/Avian Flu being one example -such as H5N1). Thus, there are plenty of factors that can and will continue to lead to virus outbreaks, epidemics and pandemics -and the government wanting us to work through it is an evil of capitalism, not a government conspiracy.

All we can do is continue to monitor the developments of each virus as it enters into our communities, mitigate our risks, mask up, and take precautions when and where we can when it comes to potential exposure.

[apas-95]

As some netizens said: If the 1st year (of the epidemic) is panic, with some a little bit secretly delighted for being able to rest at home for a while, the 2nd year began to look confused, with people hoping that the epidemic quickly end. The 3rd year is about some complaints, (people wondering) when is the end. In addition, some places have recently used the name of epidemic prevention to "increase the level (of control)", abusing their power and making things difficult for the masses, resulting in epidemic prevention becoming out of shape, and in some cases, while not saying they were implementing restrictions & control but they were actually doing it, disregarding the interests of the masses & people's demands, & arbitrarily interrupting the normal production and living order. It damaged the image of the Party and the government & hurt the masses. There are even some people who take the opportunity to make money from the epidemic. Compared to the epidemic, these phenomena break people’s hearts. The ensuing people’s feelings of helplessness, tired & even anger are understandable. Epidemic prevention & control is to prevent the virus, not to prevent people; there is no such thing as "epidemic prevention first" but "people first". No matter what kind of prevention & control measures are taken, they should be aimed at returning society to normal ASAP and getting life back on track as soon as possible. All options are "bridges" and "boats" to this goal, not simply to restrict people, regardless of the cost of blind brute force.

During this period, the World Cup in Qatar is in full swing. The crowd in audience didn’t wear masks, look at the scene of the revelry, everything seems to be no different from before the epidemic. Some people ask: "Many countries in the world now have everything as usual. They 'lie flat' and they survived. If they can 'let it go', why can't we?" Let's look at the confirmed cases first. Up to now, there are 636 million new confirmed cases & over 6.6 million cumulative deaths worldwide, with 230,000 new confirmed cases and 428 deaths in a recent day. Among them, Japan, which has 126 million people, sees 98,000 new confirmed cases per day; South Korea has a population of more than 50 million people. It sees 47,000 new confirmed cases per day. Second, regarding medical resources, this year China has 6.7 medical beds per 1,000 population, compared with 12.65 in South Korea, 12.63 in Japan and 7.82 in Germany in 2020. In 2020, China has 4.5 ICU beds per 100,000 people, Germany 28.2, the U.S. 21.6, France 16.4 and Japan 13.8, a global average of 10. Earlier this year, covid critically ill patients occupied 32.7% of the total ICU capacity in the U.S., and about 7 ICU beds per 100,000 people were crowded by covid critically ill patients, the number of which has exceeded the total number of ICU beds per 100,000 people in China. As of the end of 2021, China's population aged 60 & above reached 267 million, & the population of children exceeded 250 million, so the size of "the elderly & the children" group is huge. According to the latest data from Singapore, the mortality rate of infection among the elderly aged 60-69, 70-79 and 80 years old and above with vaccine protection is 0.014%, 0.064% and 0.54% respectively; the mortality rate of infection among the elderly in the three age groups without vaccine protection is 0.19%, 0.29% and 2.5% respectively. And the three age groups of elderly people who have not completed vaccination in China are about 22.64 million, 16.16 million and 14 million respectively. If we completely lift all the restrictions now, according to the estimated mortality rate of infection in Singapore, the number of deaths in our country will reach about 600,000 for the elderly over 60 years old only. China's social system, history and culture, values and ethics do not allow us to watch our fathers and grandfathers and children face death threats and simply give up. For example, in some Western countries, hundreds of people died in a single nursing home from an epidemic.

By understanding this, we can also understand our country's efforts to contain the epidemic. It is selective forgetfulness to envy the freedom and revelry of Western countries, but ignore the painful price they have paid. To talk about the "control" & "lifting restrictions" in isolation from China's national conditions and development reality is an empty proposition. If we compare the epidemic to a rough river, in order to reach the other side, some countries choose to go into the water bare-chested, and let some people become sacrificial lambs, while China chooses to ride out the storm together, using a big boat to give everyone a chance to survive. When the big boat is difficult and gradually leaning towards the other side of the river, if blindly envious of those who have landed on the other side of the river and no longer work together to row the boat and choose to risk jumping ship, the results of the many efforts we made before may be lost.

https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/Inz_kORneG7QyEttAXnZzg

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

Nick Anderson

* * * *

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

April 17, 2024

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

APR 18, 2024

Yesterday on the social media site X, formerly Twitter, Miles Taylor wrote: “After 2016, I helped lead the US gov[ernmen]t response to Russia’s election interference. In 2024, foreign interference will be *worse.* Tech[nology is] more powerful. Adversaries more brazen. American public more susceptible. Political leaders across party lines MUST UNITE against this.” 

Taylor served as chief of staff in the Department of Homeland Security under Trump. 

Today, Catherine Belton of the Washington Post reported on a secret 2023 document from Russia’s Foreign Ministry calling for an “offensive information campaign” and other measures that attack “‘a coalition of unfriendly countries’ led by the United States. Those measures are designed to affect “the military-political, economic and trade and informational psychological spheres” of Russia’s perceived adversaries. 

The plan is to weaken the United States and convince other countries, particularly those in the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, that the U.S. will not stand by its allies. By weakening those alliances, Russian leaders hope to shift global power by strengthening Russia’s ties to China, Iran, and North Korea and filling the vacuum left by the crumbling democratic alliances (although it is not at all clear that China is on board with this plan).

According to Belton, one of the academics who advised the authors of the Russian document suggested that Russia should “continue to facilitate the coming to power of isolationist right-wing forces in America,” “enable the destabilization of Latin American countries and the rise to power of extremist forces on the far left and far right there,” increase tensions between the U.S. and China over Taiwan, and “escalate the situation in the Middle East around Israel, Iran and Syria to distract the U.S. with the problems of this region.” 

The Russian document suggests that the front lines of that physical, political, and psychological fight are in Ukraine. It says that the outcome of Russia’s invasion of neighboring Ukraine will “to a great degree determine the outlines of the future world order.” 

Putin critic Mikhail Khodorkovsky told Belton: “The Americans consider that insofar as they are not directly participating in the war [in Ukraine], then any loss is not their loss. “This is an absolute misunderstanding.”

Media and lawmakers, including those in the Republican Party, have increasingly called out the degree to which Russian propaganda has infiltrated American politics through Republican lawmakers and media figures. Earlier this month, both Representative Michael R. Turner (R-OH), chair of the House Intelligence Committee, and Representative Michael McCaul (R-TX), chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee, warned about Russian disinformation in their party. Turner told CNN’s State of the Union that it is “absolutely true” that Republican members of Congress are parroting Russian propaganda. “We see directly coming from Russia attempts to mask communications that are anti-Ukraine and pro-Russia messages, some of which we even hear being uttered on the House floor.” When asked which Republicans had fallen to Russian propaganda, McCaul answered that it is “obvious.” 

That growing popular awareness has highlighted that House Republicans under House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) have for six months refused to pass a national security supplemental bill with additional aid for Ukraine, as well as for Israel and the Indo-Pacific, and humanitarian aid to Gaza. After the Senate spent two months negotiating border security provisions House Republicans demanded, Republicans killed that bill with the provisions at Trump’s direction, and the Senate then passed a bill without those provisions in February.

Johnson has been coordinating closely with former president Trump, who has made his admiration for Russia and his disregard for Ukraine very clear since his people weakened their support for Ukraine in the 2016 Republican Party platform. Johnson is also under pressure from MAGA Republicans in the House, like Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA), who oppose funding Ukraine, some of them by making statements that echo Russian propaganda.

While the White House, the Pentagon, and a majority of both chambers of Congress believe that helping Ukraine defend itself is crucial to U.S. security, Johnson has refused to take the Senate measure up, even though the House would pass it if he did. But as Ukraine’s ability to defend itself has begun to weaken, pressure for additional aid has ramped up. At the same time, in the wake of Iran’s attack on Israel last weekend, Republicans have suddenly become eager to provide additional funds to Israel. It began to look as if Johnson might bring up some version of foreign aid.

But discussions of bringing forward Ukraine aid brought not only Greene but also Thomas Massie (R-KY) to threaten yesterday to challenge Johnson’s speakership, and there are too few Republicans in the House to defend him. 

Today, Johnson brought forward not the Senate bill, but rather three separate bills to fund Israel, the Indo-Pacific, and Ukraine, with pieces that House Republicans have sought. A fourth bill will include other measures Republicans have demanded. And a fifth will permit an up-or-down vote on most of the measures in the extreme border bill the House passed in 2023. At the time, that measure was intended as a signaling statement because House Republicans knew that the Democratic Senate would keep it from becoming law.

Johnson said he expected to take a final vote on the measures Saturday evening. He will almost certainly need Democratic votes to pass them, and possibly to save his job. Democrats have already demanded the aid to Gaza that was in the Senate bill but is not yet in the House bills. 

Reese Gorman, political reporter for The Daily Beast, reported that Johnson explained his change of heart like this: “Look, history judges us for what we do. This is a critical time right now…  I can make a selfish decision and do something that is different but I'm doing here what I believe to be the right thing.… I think providing lethal aid to Ukraine right now is critically important.… I’m willing to take personal risk for that.”

His words likely reflect a changing awareness in Republican Party leadership that the extremism of MAGA Republicans is exceedingly unpopular. Trump’s courtroom appearances—where, among other things, he keeps falling asleep—are unlikely to bolster his support, while his need for money is becoming more and more of a threat both to his image and to his fellow Republicans. Today the Trump campaign asked Republican candidates in downballot races for at least 5% of the money they raise with any fundraising appeal that uses Trump’s name or picture. They went on: “Any split that is higher than 5% will be seen favorably by the RNC and President Trump’s campaign and is routinely reported to the highest levels of leadership within both organizations.”

Nonetheless, Greene greeted Johnson’s bills with amendments requiring members of Congress to “conscript in the Ukrainian military” if they voted for aid to Ukraine. 

A headline on the Fox News media website today suggested that a shift away from MAGA is at least being tested. It read: “Marjorie Taylor Greene is an idiot. She is trying to wreck the [Republican Party].” The article pointed out that 61% of registered voters disapprove of the Republican Party while only 36% approve. That approval rating has indeed fallen at least in part because of the performative antics of the extremists, among them the impeachment of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas that made him the first cabinet officer to be impeached in almost 150 years. Today the Senate killed that impeachment without a trial.

As soon as Johnson announced the measures, President Joe Biden threw his weight behind them. In a statement, he said: “I strongly support this package to get critical support to Israel and Ukraine, provide desperately needed humanitarian aid to Palestinians in Gaza, and bolster security and stability in the Indo-Pacific. Israel is facing unprecedented attacks from Iran, and Ukraine is facing continued bombardment from Russia that has intensified dramatically in the last month.

“The House must pass the package this week and the Senate should quickly follow. I will sign this into law immediately to send a message to the world: We stand with our friends, and we won’t let Iran or Russia succeed.”

LETTERS FROM AN AMERICAN

HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

[antiresolution]

trigger warning: This au is based off the godzilla universe (specifically minus one). I focus on the aftermath of graphic disaster scenarios, so I suggest to skip if you're not in the mood!

He stumbles in the second act. 

Prisms of light scatter in Wenhan’s peripherals as he stares down at the stage floor. Red and gold pom poms and strings of glass beads hit against rouged cheeks, gouging out small trails the way careless brushes of fingertips do. The sweat curtaining his skin becomes seamless pearls blending into white face paint. 

The orchestra continues on, drowning out murmurs in the audience. They’re trained to recover from falls and mistakes like any other performer. Punishment from directors and sponsors is always more severe than a split second of humiliation. He could be up and into the next sequence within a heartbeat.

But he’d caught himself on stinging hands and knees. Motionless until the throb of the fall is a numb pulse and his tongue curls dry to the roof of his mouth. Frozen in place as ribbon dancers and masked figures in loose hanfu move around him. The slightest tremor caresses his open palms.

A guttural screech from a violin in the pit raises Wenhan’s head. Stage lights flood his eyes as he searches blindly in the audience. Dancers to his left hit the floor as the stage sways with a thundering crack and shrieks puncture the air from all sides. A layer of white dust rains down against a fleeing crowd, blanketing colorful costumes in splintered fragments. The ceiling above the audience collapses first, throwing up toxic clouds. Wenhan stumbles to his feet as his lungs shudder to breathe, pressing a sleeve to his mouth and nose as he shoves hesitant crew to the emergency exit backstage. 

Wenhan watches as a beam of overhead lights crashes down onto fleeing bodies. Snapped metal groans above from the weight of the collapsed ceiling. Shattered glass pops under his feet as he stumbles back to escape the gush of water from gutted pipes in the walls and stripped live wire. The low whine of twisted metal above ends with a sudden snap. The debris in his throat chokes him more than the pain of his legs pinned beneath steel beams. 

 He stares up at the open sky now painted in smoke and filled with the clamor of emergency sirens. A shaking hand grasps weakly at his shoulder, and he doesn’t recognize the face smeared in blood and dust to his left. A body smashed beneath slates of plaster and metal.

Wenhan stares up at the sky, holding that hand in his until fingers no longer tremble and everything is still. 

-

February 23, 2008

The WPC (West Pacific Coalition) was formally established after an unprecedented attack killed thousands in Shanghai during lunar new year celebrations. This international security effort is recognized by the governing bodies of China, Singapore, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Indonesia, and the Philippines. Curated teams of military personnel and emergency responders are deployed based on high risk scenarios regardless of nationality to prevent further loss of human life and destabilization of global society. 

–

Tiles bleed cold underneath knees tucked in front of an empty hole in the wall meant to house a cross. Two weeks ago, the wood had been needed to repair the roof due to a small quake’s aftershocks. Now, no one wanted to make time to properly dress the space for anyone to pray, or mourn, or curse. Rebuilding Busan’s port communities took every willing pair of military hands. Any spare unwilling ones were busy burying the dead or clinging to a warm body, leaving no room to beg God for favors. 

Yet, it’s a quiet space, even if mostly abandoned. Away from shuffling bodies of overworked soldiers and unfamiliar faces.

Taeil stares down at the spray of grey and white now dusting his army fatigues. 

“Does that work?”

The man perched over him reminds Taeil of a bird. Every feature of his is sharp. The way each angle meets the next throws shadows under dark lashes and glaring cheekbones. Simultaneously jarring and soft. The way you wouldn’t expect a row of feathers next to talons. Even the accented Korean on the other man’s tongue feels pointed. Calculated. Almost too precise to be comfortable.

“What…” Before Taeil realizes his reply is more of an exhale than an answer. “--does what work?” 

The other man pauses, but the amused twitch of his lips lingers. He mirrors Taeil’s kneel, leaning a little awkwardly to the left instead of straight. His right leg isn’t fully tucked under his thigh. The way he presses his hands together is enunciated, as if he’s trying to overcompensate for his role in a silent film. He crosses himself, gesturing wordlessly to the sky. 

Stunned silence is the weight on Taeil’s bottom lip as his mouth opens, before the gnashing of teeth beheads words dying to form. His eyes fall on the burning end of the other’s cigarette, as if he’s watching the dying ember of his own annoyance. Taeil exhales through his nose and nods his head at the smoke. “--does that work for you?”

“Only when I don’t have anything better to put in my mouth.”

“Asshole.”

“Close, but it wouldn't be my first choice.”

Taeil starts to stand, tempted to shoulder check the stranger on his way up. Rationality was never his first choice. He was always chastised for emotionally charged decisions during training. Prolonging this conversation would likely end with his fists bruised and both of them bloody. It was the first week in this base. A reputation built on nothing couldn’t be used as leverage, no matter how good he thinks that sharp nose would look broken.

“It was an honest question. Do you ever get what you ask for?”

Curled fists open and close at his sides before he turns towards the door without answering. A much larger figure fills the frame, blocking Taeil’s exit. Dark eyes glance over a familiar wrinkled face. Taeil’s posture goes rigid. He bows his head to the senior officer. 

“Ah, I see you two met.” There’s the threat of a reprimanding edge, though it seems directed at the soldier behind Taeil. “Private Yoo, this is Private Li, a pilot from Shanghai.”

Private Li was now standing as if the casual collapse of limbs on the floor had been snapped upward by a pulled string. He still leans into his left side, as if he can’t wait to drop the salute once no one’s watching. Both men meet eyes, but this time neither of them are smiling. 

“Your new partner.”

–

Wenhan tears away flyers from the front door of the barracks. The images are grainy pixels enlarged sloppily to fit its new frame of cheap computer paper. But the painted features of the subject are clear enough even from a distance. 

“What a waste. You look so pretty, ge–”

Wenhan tosses shreds of paper at the face crinkled with laughter to his left. The mandarin that rolls off his tongue is an effortless shift. 

“Then you can tape it together and jack off later.”

“Shit, hey– hey, hey,” Hong shields his face and steps out of the way of an elbow aimed at his gut. “It wasn’t me. You know who thinks pulling this shit is funny.”

Even if the construction of this military camp had been congested to a rural corner in the city, their barracks only had four bunks. Compared to other soldiers forced to sweat and curse during the summer in a room with 18 other men. 

Wenhan’s busy emptying a shelf of one of his roommates, tossing the best snack wrappers a guaranteed death payroll could buy onto the empty bunk next to it. 

“You met him, right? Did you ask why he was transferred here? What's he like?”

What comes to mind first is the silhouette of a stranger’s back. One man on his knees in an empty room already abandoned by the hands that built it. 

Wenhan blinks. A dimple forms between his brows. He smooths a thumb over his forehead as if it would iron out the mental crease. 

“Ask him yourself.”

Wenhan gains the uncomfortable weight of Hong’s arm across his shoulders and leans away from the warm breath on the back of his ear. Hong doesn’t even whisper, confident in the disguise of their native language. 

“I heard he volunteered for a suicide mission.” 

Wenhan pauses. Considering superiors kept information to themselves until mistakes rose the death toll. It wasn’t so unbelievable they would consider going on the offensive before signs of an attack in the east sea. But Hong was overzealous, often inflating the truth with his desire for grandeur. 

“I also heard he killed someone, so it was either that, or prison time.”

The mandarin comes from neither of the men, but from behind. Fluent as if it flowed from the memory of a native. He shoves his shoulder into Hong, watching the other dramatically collapse as if he’d sniped him. Taeil stands in the open doorway, wearing neither a smile or a frown. Hong still carries enough shame to apologize, while Wenhan feels the corners of his lips curve up. 

Taeil doesn’t seem offended enough to start a fight as he walks further in, prompting Hong to throw an arm around his shoulders and continue rattling off in Mandarin.

“It’s always a suicide mission. Even if it’s true– just makes you stupid like the rest of us.”

Wenhan starts to roll up one hem of his pants as Hong interrogates the other soldier. He presses fingertips into skin, where his kneecap meets the solid metal of his calf, massaging tiny circles into the joint. 

Taeil’s attention lingers on the flash of silver jutting out where one would expect to see flesh. Wenhan could recognize pity in anyone's face. But the look Taeil casts at his prosthetic is devoid of surprise or even embarrassment for having been caught staring. Maybe more like a stranger in a museum. One who could only be voyeur to a past they could never live inside of or understand. Every glance strangely intense despite the impossible distance. 

But without pity.

“Pretty sexy, isn’t it.” Wenhan kicks his heel against the solid concrete floor. “My eyes are up here.”

“I was looking at your third eye.” 

Taeil catches the extra set of blankets Wenhan throws without missing a beat.

–

No one enjoys the nightwatch at Taejongdae. 

Wenhan prefers the weight of briny air on his tongue to the suffocating anticipation of everyone at the military base. He’s empty handed for his shift, with nothing but the weight of a buzzing comm system strapped to his side and the soft glow of the lighthouse glancing over dark waters below. Weapons wouldn’t save anyone on the ground. Time was all they ever had as a counter strike. 

He walks the length of the highest cliff’s paved trail, roped in by steel fences peppered with rust. Other soldiers stationed on the southern tip of the city are wandering shadows in the night. There’s no one close enough to hear him as he hums the beginning of a melancholic note. No one around to complain as his voice rises in volume, competing against the claw of the ocean’s wind and lick of waves against carved rocks. 

Then he’s twisting on his heel, grasping the butterfly knife hidden at his side. Golden light from the silent carousel of the lighthouse spills over Taeil’s face, lighting curious dark eyes and outlining the soft slopes of his cheeks. His open palms face outward to Wenhan in surrender.

“Are you a fucking idiot?”

Taeil steps closer, dropping his hands as he falls into Wenhan’s retreating pace. The only reply is the soft tone of Taeil’s singing, off key and unsure as he repeats the last line of the song Wenhan hadn’t finished. 

“If you can sing like that, why are you out here?”

Wenhan carries on in silence. The lighthouse careens over black sea water. 

“I wasn’t asking god for something.”

He turns back to Taeil. The abrupt stop has them breaths apart. He can see the dark circles pressed under both the man’s eyes. Chapped lips sealed thin. A small mole marks the corner of a tense mouth. 

“I was cursing him, actually. For giving me the grim reaper as a partner.”

The tense curl of Taeil’s mouth softens. The coil of anticipation is gone, as if a switch had been flipped. The entire man’s body relaxes. On the cusp of revealing something more, but pulling back. He sighs like a tired old dog and raises his hands to the heavens. 

It’s not the first time other soldiers warned new recruits about Wenhan’s reputation as an indirect death sentence. Some would even request to transfer before he’d meet them face to face. No one wanted to disprove potential mythology. 

“Idiot.” He barely speaks above the sound of the ocean. But Taeil hears him, kicking up rocks and dust at Wenhan’s heels as they continue up the slope. He sings in broken Mandarin at Wenhan's back.

But his eyes are trained on glints of silver and white bobbing in the black churn. The glow of the lighthouse sculpts the distant shapes into what looks like overturned buoys. He stands still, staring into the sea as if he could will away the sight of dead fish rising to the surface. Taeil calls his name, but the roar of white noise drowns out any thought or instinct. 

His comm device revives with a series of orders in Korean, Mandarin, Tagalog. Sighting along Taejongdae. Prepare for immediate impact. 

Wenhan’s collar digs into his neck as Taeil forces him into a run. White dead bellies of fish are swallowed by a rising dark form. The lighthouse fights to glow around the massive shadow, illuminating pulsing coils of scarred flesh. An aching roar ruptures the air before the tower collapses into a wave of dust and shattered stone. The ground becomes sand beneath their steps seconds after warning alarms fill the air. 

Taeil shoves Wenhan forward with desperate violence as the cliff beneath their steps crumbles. He turns back once his feet meet the solid safety of grass and arms of trees, lunging to grasp at Taeil falling into empty air. Fingers lock around Taeil’s wrist. Wenhan bites into his tongue, tasting the rush of blood and feeling the hot burn of torn muscle as he fights against the other man’s dead weight hanging over the cliff. 

Taeil’s fingernails carve bloody trails down wenhan’s arm as he struggles for a strong grip. His body drags against the ground, slowly inching over the edge.

Not again. 

His arms are shaking, tips of fingers pulsing numb. 

Not again.

[theculturedmarxist]

This interview was conducted with a public health employee of the Hawaii State Department of Health (HIDOH), as part of the WSWS Global Workers’ Inquest into the COVID-19 Pandemic. The worker chose to use the pseudonym Robert to protect their identity.

Evan Blake (EB): Thank you for participating in the Global Workers’ Inquest into the COVID-19 Pandemic, it’s a pleasure to interview you. Can you describe your background and training in public health before the pandemic?

Robert (R): My training in public health began more than 25 years ago, initially centered on women’s reproductive health. I earned a degree in Public Health. My focus soon broadened from just women’s health to everyone’s due to the ongoing HIV/AIDS crisis.

Throughout my career, I collaborated with various organizations, including academic institutions and community health centers, to develop programs targeting most of the populations in the Bay Area. These initiatives encompassed health education, addiction support, and promoting healthy relationships, as well as offering HIV/AIDS and HCV [hepatitis C]testing, counseling, contact tracing, case management and patient navigation services. When I moved to Hawaii, I continued doing health education and working with those experiencing developmental disabilities, aging and chronic illnesses.

EB: What were your initial experiences when the pandemic began in early 2020? How would you characterize the initial pandemic response of DOH [Department of Health] and state officials more generally in Hawaii?

R: I noticed in December 2019, when there was talk of unusual illness in China’s news and social media. Seeing how it was being handled there made me concerned. There seemed to be more effort in hiding it than in handling it.

I waited for our government to mention it, especially on a more local level. I really thought that since, historically, the Hawaiian Kingdom has had effective quarantine and mitigation practices, that the current leadership would follow suit. My thinking was that we don’t have rabies in Hawaii, so obviously we know how to keep viruses out.

By February, I started contacting the DOH to hire me to help out any way possible. This looked like something that could easily be squashed if they rounded up all the HIV experts and put them to work. In early March, I put my disabled clients on quarantine. I bought a bunch of fabric and a serger and my family and I made hundreds of masks. Airborne transmission has always been known.

On March 4, 2020, Hawaii’s Democratic Governor David Ige declared a state of emergency in response to COVID-19, granting the state greater flexibility in responding to the crisis. This is officially when the problems with disappearing COVID funds began. On March 26, Ige issued a stay-at-home order, closing nonessential businesses and implementing strict travel restrictions.

I participated in the statewide Lt. Governor’s COVID town halls. Stay-at-home orders in March and May helped keep the numbers low. I waited for the health department to do something and cranked out masks. Schools had gone online at this point. It went pretty well for us. My kid’s school was really proactive about making sure the kids had access to what or who they needed, including computers.

My partner was labeled an essential worker because he was in construction. His boss took full advantage of this allowance and I wrote several of our state’s representatives who seemed actively concerned about COVID, about what to do in this situation.

By the end of May 2020, Dr. Mark Mugiishi, the chief executive of HMSA, brokered a deal with the UH Manoa nursing school to provide students to be trained as contact tracers. They were supposed to have seven different cohorts, but they stopped at three or four. Most of the trainees were never hired to do any work in the DOH and a majority of the graduates got letters stating thanks, but no thanks. The DOH only ever brought on a couple hundred contact tracers. That was after they got in trouble for not having enough and refusing help.

All the tracers and investigators started out being hired by agencies other than the DOH. This meant that we had no rights, but we had the same responsibilities as any other employee would have. We didn’t get hazard pay, union, or PTO, couldn’t participate in any of the benefits or mental health support and other programs they regularly provided and encouraged all employees to participate in. Most of us worked from 7 a.m. to late in the evening most nights. Most tracers and investigators were not from the locally COVID-trained cohorts.

A majority of the COVID hires weren’t brought in until much later in 2020 or in 2021. More were needed and available and instead of hiring tracers or case management, a call center was contracted to bottleneck the high volume of calls and cases.

State officials are notoriously reactive to any problem, emergency-related or not. The officials in charge of HIDOH when the pandemic was officially recognized were ill-fitted for their positions. Their responses were lackluster at best, with Sarah Park (state epidemiologist, COVID response leader) coming in to the UH Manoa COVID trainings to tell us that contact tracing was ineffective, as well as other disease mitigation techniques that we were being trained on, like routine screening.

When the contact tracing program started at the DOH, the National Guard was tasked with training us and facilitating most of the COVID mitigation efforts. This was after they had only received one day of training themselves. I met not one of them who had any health background whatsoever.

It’s been a performative disaster from the very start. Our DOH and state leadership were instrumental in encouraging the spread of COVID-19. State officials were slow to respond and, when they did, it was never an appropriate response. Hawaii usually sees at least 30,000 visitors per day from all over the world. They did everything in their power to keep that going.

EB: You mentioned that DOH employees were split up into different groups, including groups working with prisoners, homeless people, sports personnel, the wealthy, etc. Can you describe this in more detail and the class divide in the pandemic response in Hawaii?

R: DOH employees as a whole are siloed and do not collaborate or even have the slightest clue what the others are doing ever. It was difficult trying to get resources or info from within when trying to access data or connect people with other services. It was deeply embarrassing to me sometimes how incompetent everyone was.

For the pandemic efforts, the entire venture was militarized and we were beholden to chain of command operations as civilians. We were not allowed to speak to our higher-ups. Many were discouraged from speaking to anyone.

The contact tracing and case investigation were separated into several different focus groups headed by epidemiologists. These epidemiologists already had a disease focus and their loads were not lightened. They were added to. Most of them are not in fact actual trained epidemiologists. They have fallen into the position often through nepotistic means and meet bare minimum educational requirements. They had a lot of weird toxic drama that affected program function overall.

For example, if your team’s epidemiologist didn’t get along with a different team’s epidemiologist and you needed a file or lab result or info about an individual in their category, they may delay the info or just never give it to you. It was the worst addition to an already extreme high-stress situation.

The main group management often fell to the inexperienced National Guard, who were under the epidemiologists. Each group’s numbers fluctuated and usually had about 7–15 people, half National Guard, half civilian. The focuses were separated into schools, food service, military, healthcare and LT facilities, travel/VIP, Pacific Islander, severe/death, correctional facilities and homeless.

We had to wait for the daily cases to be handed to the epidemiologists. They would post new cases as they were processed into the system usually via an external call center, who received the cases mostly via the department’s only fax machine.

HIDOH hired an external call center to handle what was called first contact calls. This was actually one of the biggest obstructions to actual contact tracing or any real handling of infected patients in a timely manner.

First contact call center got the first reporting of the case. The report would come in via fax (another massive problem). That person’s name and number would be taken down and someone from the call center or the National Guard would call and ask screening questions about their health and symptoms, often with not much health training. They had three days for the individual to answer before they stopped calling and threw it out.

By the time investigators or tracers got the case, it was often 5–10 days old. We never did real contact tracing in the department. Real contact tracing would involve calling the case immediately to help them trace and notify anyone who may have been exposed. It would also involve timely and actual distribution of resources, including testing, food and money. This is not what happened.

I saw hundreds of people who were overqualified for resources denied or provided the offered resources too late. Some tracers did what could be considered “guerrilla tracing” because they had their contact info passed around for those who needed help and couldn’t get through to the health department when they needed to, or they just needed resources or their results.

A majority of people who were infected did not receive a call from the DOH or any help. They also didn’t receive guidance on quarantine or health at all. Internally, there was never training or updating on variants, pathology or how to ask sensitive questions and talk to the general public. There was a lot of secrecy and internal guidance that wasn’t health-oriented or generally useful. It was often self-congratulatory and bloviated.

This all increased the class divide as those in the service industry couldn’t afford to heal or get better and many lost and are losing their jobs. Those who were able to sealed themselves away. Admin stayed in their offices and told no one to enter, and there was an increase in work-from-home jobs for those with privilege or education, like myself.

EB: Hawaii has the highest per capita number of active US military personnel of any US state and is the state’s largest income producer, yet tourism is often claimed to be the state’s dominant industry. What were the roles of the military and the tourism industry in relation to the pandemic?

R: The military has largely handled their own COVID cases, navigation, and often not sharing when they have clusters that directly impact civilians.

The tourism industry has a finger in everything. They have been extremely instrumental in helping COVID spread. Tourism interests are largely against the people of Hawaii, who are more often harmed than helped by their existence. Tourism and business degrees are what steers most of the boards of every institution in this state. You will find significantly more business degrees than Kanaka (Hawaiian person) representing leadership in the islands. Tourism is why most of those whose birthright is the islands are homeless or not in the islands.

Both industries had large roles in facilitating spread. They pushed to keep everything open and often refused to cooperate with the HIDOH in COVID mitigation efforts.

EB: How have the federal pandemic funds approved under Trump and Biden been dispersed within Hawaii? Can you describe any corruption or negligence that you’ve seen in this regard?

R: I can pretty much only describe corruption and negligence regarding the usage of funds. The HIDOH let over 30 million dollars’ worth of badly needed COVID tests go to waste and then spent over $60,000 to destroy them. The schools never saw much of the Elementary and Secondary School Emergency Relief (ESSER) funds put to use in the schools for mitigation efforts. Countless non-profits denied resources to the community. A robot dog was purchased to test homeless people for COVID, over $1 million were spent on Thanksgiving turkeys in Maui. Oahu’s police department got a bunch of new toys.

The HIDOH never upgraded their information transmission capabilities. They depended on two fax machines for the entirety of the COVID efforts, meaning that all data and case info was transmitted through these machines, slowing down any work or real efforts.

The machines ran over the weekend and whoever was on the following Monday had literal piles of data to enter into the system for reported cases, hospital data, etc. The whole venture has been performative negligence. The funding was better and more resources were distributed while Trump was president. Biden is an absolute disgrace, considering he campaigned on getting rid of COVID.

Most of the funds that could have been used to improve the community and help mitigate COVID were used irresponsibly and have been absorbed by the state. Governor Ige went out of his way to pass legislation that approved shady usage of funds and halt transparency. Governor Green is even worse. The COVID response was just a preview for how Green is handling the Lahaina fires.

EB: Schools reopened with less and less mitigation measures each year, causing repeated waves of mass viral transmission. Can you describe this process and the public health measures you advocated for them to implement? What was the response of various officials to your efforts? How are you seeing the impacts on children, including with Long COVID?

R: The 2020 school response was much better than the following years. Students were provided Chromebooks and instruction from their teachers. It wasn’t implemented in a way that made it easy for many instructors and families, but it was the safest option that was provided.

The following year, the district (the state has only 1) offered something completely different.

In-person instruction or a program for those staying home, that required the parent or caregiver to spend 4–6 hours per day implementing. With no live teachers or real support offered from the school or Department of Education (DOE). The schools who offered it didn’t even know what it was or how it functioned. They just referred parents to the program’s website or phone number if they needed any assistance.

Often parents who required more support or Special Education (SPED) services for their children were ignored, punished, had CPS called on them, or were harassed by some school’s staff and admin.

In many of the poorest areas, where much of our service industry workforce resides, the schools didn’t even offer an alternative to in-person classes. I’m in one of these areas and I removed my child from her school after they refused to provide any support or programming besides that awful program they were offering which forced the parent to provide instruction without support. I already had a job. They called CPS on me. They would send staff to my door every week to sign unnecessary paperwork. They did this for two years. Officials didn’t care. The School’s Superintendent and the super for my area was never even available and never returned calls. I called weekly. I was working on so many cases connected to our schools the whole time, it was no question about removing my kid.

None of the public schools had their air systems improved or HEPA filters added. Some were using hand sanitizer on children’s desks in between classes when they were supposed to sanitize them properly. There wasn’t any solid guidance provided to the schools. Every time I got through to a school nurse or principal about a case, they begged for info on what to do and how to handle mitigations with all the sickness.

Sickness in children and school staff wasn’t being reported accurately because contact tracers were instructed not to connect cases in the classroom with each other. This kept the cluster report low. Many teachers were punished for mentioning their own infections and they were not allowed to notify students’ parents either. This devastated our community, since it has one of the highest counts of multigenerational households in the nation.

Josh Green, who is now Hawaii’s governor, was the head of the COVID Task Force. His main messaging has only ever been regarding vaccines. He spent a significant amount of time pointing the finger at many of our Pasifika communities in regard to their vaccine hesitancy instead of working with them to mitigate COVID in other ways.

When the 2021–22 school year started, the district was ill-prepared and kids weren’t approved for vaccines yet. The school’s superintendent, Christina Kishimoto, was completely useless at getting any mitigations in the schools at all. She ignored the entire community, including so many teachers and parents who tried to keep or make the schools, or at least education, safe and accessible to all.

Senator Brian Schatz and others who had been previously notified about in-school spread and the actual numbers present instead of the falsely low reported ones, maintained the script that children needed to learn in-person. Even after in-person learning saw children being shoved together in cafeterias all day without proper instruction due to sick staff, those in charge maintained that the children needed to be in schools. This was supposedly for their mental health and education, which had never been prioritized previously.

Hawaii has had a major deficit in adequate and accessible education, as well as mental health care providers and services, for a very long time. Additionally, we don’t have school nurses in each school like many contiguous states offer. Many of our schools share a nurse and may not have an area for children to be sick or wait for someone to get them from school.

In-school cases often fell to vice principals and other staff. By the 2022–23 school year, schools had removed any guidance that was useful. They never upgraded or improved the air systems. Many of our schools have had problems with lack of proper air conditioning for a long time before the pandemic. The pandemic just made it worse.

There was a program created at the start of the 2022–23 school year to make the DOH, DOE and CDCF work together to improve the conditions in the schools. The HIDOE refused to meet or participate in any improvements to their school’s systems, provide resources such as testing, PPE or pandemic guidance.

Our state leadership has met with many COVID experts, DOH employees and medical staff who have told them what is happening in their districts, classrooms, hospitals and the community throughout the official pandemic and even now. They all have given lip-service and often have reacted appropriately in those meetings but nothing ever comes of it.

At first, children were just getting cold-like symptoms like everyone else. Those who had existing health issues usually suffered more. Not many children’s cases were followed past the initial call. Over time, Multisystem Inflammatory Syndrome in Children (MIS-C) became a focus as the children’s symptoms didn’t always go away.

Since Omicron emerged in November 2021, kids have had an increase in seizures and a lot of problems with focus and memory. My child has had several friends die from COVID. Long COVID in kids is terrifying, and the impact is already noticeable. Mine just stated that what everyone needs to know is that it’s harder for kids to learn now. She notices so much brain damage in her peers already. Before she got COVID, it was easier for her to process information. Things take much longer now.

To be honest, I’ve rarely seen an actual full recovery. People move benchmarks and brain damage is extremely hard to self-identify. COVID is long and lasting. Nearly every infection shows damage whether it’s noticed or not. For those who don’t have immediate consequences, it’s playing the long game.

EB: How else are you seeing the ongoing impacts of the pandemic associated with COVID-19 infection, including Long COVID?

R: I noticed very early on that regardless of how mild the cases were, there were often residual issues with the person’s ability to handle and process information. The one symptom that should be tracked more than temperature is cognitive ability—confusion, disorientation, odd and unusual thoughts and behaviors. The ongoing impact of any COVID infection is a significant amount of unchecked and untracked brain damage. It’s very difficult to self-diagnose and most of our medical providers are still unaware of COVID and how it presents.

Getting infected with COVID can reduce the immune system’s ability to function. Each reinfection can reduce immune function even more, inviting opportunistic infections to eventually kill us. This is how HIV functions, but at least there is treatment for that. There’s no treatment for Long COVID and there’s even less treatment or care for those under 12 years old. The impact I see right now is immense. Children and young adults are exhibiting Alzheimer’s and dementia-like symptoms, and there are huge increases of cancer, diabetes and heart problems at the population level.

EB: What have been your experiences advocating for Long COVID patients, and what are some of your greatest concerns with the “mass disabling event” of Long COVID associated with the pandemic? What do doctors know or not know, and what do you think needs to be done to address this?

R: While documenting cases in 2020, some had symptoms that just wouldn’t resolve. A few threatened to commit suicide and were in constant and severe pain. Many of their doctors didn’t believe them. I would contact their doctors and explain what Long COVID was. I would send them studies if they requested and would tell them what labs or referrals to order for their patients.

Many doctors were receptive at first. Some would gaslight the patients, saying that they were experiencing anxiety and not their actual ongoing COVID symptoms. I made an extra effort to contact those ones because they were making the patients worse and confused. I spent hundreds of hours on social media spaces giving talks about COVID, Long COVID and what I was seeing. Other Long COVID sufferers and advocates would join.

None of this data was being collected or distributed by our DOH, regardless of how the variants mutated or the community was being impacted. Any attempts to send information up the chain of command to the top were ignored and sometimes punished.

Over time, the doctors I was working with were getting Long COVID themselves. It led to a significant reduction in care for their patients. Some would brush the issue off because they had it and they were working, which they thought meant they were fine.

Doctors need to have proper information and guidance. Without it, many people are being told COVID isn’t really a problem. They trust their doctors to know about COVID. Their doctors are unknowingly feeding them to the fire. Vaccines are only one layer of a many-layered solution, and at this point vaccines aren’t very effective at preventing infection as the virus continues to rapidly mutate and new variants continue to evolve.

In terms of public health as a whole, the CDC is looked at as the main guidance for all these institutions. They need to be putting out clear messaging about COVID being airborne, the fact that an infection commonly lasts anywhere from 14–20 days, each reinfection can reduce immune function, and COVID is a vascular disaster that can wreck any and all organs of the body. These are things that scientists have known since 2020. There is absolutely no reason Drs. Rochelle Walensky and Anthony Fauci didn’t know the correct protocols for handling this pandemic. They both have HIV backgrounds.

My greatest concern about this mass disabling event is that I live in Hawaii. Disabled people were hidden, ignored and underserved here before the pandemic. It was nearly impossible to find mental and behavioral health services and they were often insufficient at best.

When everyone keeps getting reinfected, they will not be able to function. There’s low availability for services now and it’s already getting pretty noticeable. My friends working in the hospital are reporting incredibly low staff numbers and extreme burnout. We only had nine ambulances in circulation a couple weeks ago due to callouts.

Suicides, mental hospital stays and inability to function are becoming increasingly common and we’re just getting started. Since the pandemic began, there’s been an increase in car and plane accidents, heart attacks, diabetes, cancers, previously rare disorders and sudden deaths. Currently, COVID is listed as the third leading cause for death in the US, but if data were properly collected, COVID would be number one.

I took someone to the doctor for a head wound to be stitched and the doctor didn’t even mention concussion protocol. He said strange things that hadn’t been relevant regarding COVID since 2021. He behaved odd and childlike.

This mass disabling event is largely invisible. Many cannot self-diagnose the brain damage that a significant percentage of infections cause to some degree. It changes moods, thoughts, function, and can make people confused or angry.

My biggest concern is that with mass infection and reinfection, everyone is getting their brains melted. Who will take care of anyone when no one is left healthy and functional? Who will grow our food, participate in society, or even be able to get out of bed after we’ve all had multiple infections? Who will be left?

EB: Those are critical points, and concerns that should be more widely shared. The propaganda of the corporate media and political establishment has had a real impact, and prevented masses of people from understanding the dangers of COVID-19 and Long COVID.

Changing topics somewhat, when we spoke before you said that “Lahaina is an active crime scene, just like the COVID situation here is also an active crime scene.” Can you elaborate more on this and the criminal negligence that you believe caused this catastrophic fire? What other connections do you see between this fire and the COVID-19 pandemic?

R: Just the fact that there’s such a focus from those in charge on reopening and getting back to work tells me everything I need to know. The community just experienced a life-altering trauma and instead of really taking care of them and helping them get situated and time and resources to heal, it’s full-steam ahead. Open up, get back to work, go to school. Don’t worry about how you’re going to pay that mortgage on the burn pile where you used to live.

Just like with the COVID pandemic, the Emergency Management Agency lead didn’t have experience. They didn’t sound any alarm, and clearly weren’t well versed on emergency response protocols, otherwise they would have correctly used the emergency alarm system. Instead, Herman Andaya reasoned with everyone about why he didn’t think they were necessary.

For COVID, Josh Green facilitated thousands of tourists freely and consistently infecting our community with almost no guidance other than to get vaccinated. He gaslit us for years from his whiteboard and scrubs. He got even worse after he got COVID. The brain damage is real.

Why didn’t Maui sound the emergency system that is used for emergencies including wildfires? Why didn’t HIDOH enact their public health police powers to protect the community from COVID? Why do they both consistently report false numbers? Why do they both tell the community about resources that exist, but in reality are not actually available? Why is the community being forced to bear the brunt of the outcome of both disasters alone? Why does our leadership refuse to work with the community to solve either issue?

I know how greedy and careless this government is first-hand. Especially when local people are involved. Both disasters have resulted in very high losses to our Filipino and Pasifika communities.

How are we the only state without a fire marshal? Why is there never anyone held accountable? How do all these incredibly incompetent folks keep getting replaced by more incompetence? Nepotism. It has led to incredible incompetence and I have to assume it’s why there’s no accountability or oversight anywhere or for anything.

EB: Since the beginning of the pandemic, the WSWS has advocated for the full deployment of all available public health measures to eliminate SARS-CoV-2 throughout the world. Multiple countries proved that such a Zero-COVID strategy was possible, and we now know even more about viral transmission.

We have stressed that the fundamental reason this global elimination strategy has not been implemented is due to the division of the world into rival nation-states and the refusal of the capitalist ruling elites to accept any impingement on their ability to exploit workers and generate profits. What are your thoughts on this, and do you agree that we need to fight for a global elimination strategy?

R: The SARS-CoV-2 pandemic has exposed the challenges associated with the division of the world into nation-states, each pursuing its own approach to pandemic management. It’s been an absolute disaster.

When the virus first hit and people began seeing consequences and acting accordingly, I thought we had a chance at stopping the virus. Then the countries with more behaved greedily. They hoarded and wasted resources in the face of the countries who couldn’t get access to resources from the global market.

We are all in this together and no one is getting off this rock alive. Working together is the only way to get rid of this virus and all the others that have been popping up in the past few years.

Unfortunately, such an approach seeks to prioritize the well-being of individuals and communities over economic interests as Cuba has done. They developed their own COVID-19 vaccines. They consistently have the lowest reported COVID cases and deaths globally. Often close to zero. Their vaccines work much better than ours have been.

This reflects true commitment to public health and an ability to leverage existing medical and scientific infrastructure to respond to the pandemic independently.

EB: Thank you for this invaluable interview and contribution to the Global Workers’ Inquest.

R: Thank you.

[darkmaga-retard]

By now it is obvious to all who will only look ... they lie as a matter of course

docoflastresort

Sep 12, 2024

Suffering from Whiplash:

Sorry, I’m suffering from a case of whiplash at the moment. I was cruising along in the fast lane of the “Joe Biden is just fine. In fact he’s at his best. I’ve never seen him sharper.” highway, when suddenly I had to slam on the breaks as I was told that he in fact is in severe mental decline. By the mainstream media. You mean we had it right all along?!  Wow! How did that happen?!

Just starting to recover from that, I ran into some traffic on the “Kamala Harris is the worst vice-president ever … wait a sec … she’s the most talented and most prepared Presidential candidate in memory” highway. Again, I had to slam on the brakes. My already sore neck got no better.

You can go ahead and fill in the blanks on the many other sudden direction reversals we have witnessed from our ever-reliable MSM (mainstream media). 

Time: processed foods bad … wait, processed food good, haha.

MSM: Wash every surface because Covid can be caught from contaminated surfaces … wait, it’s an aerosol.

MSM: Masks work for Covid … oh, never mind.

K Harris: The ‘wall’ is xenophobic … never mind, I’ll complete the wall myself. In my hands it’s not xenophobic … if I actually do it, which I won’t because I’m busy tackling “root causes” of migration … global warming!

MSM: The virus is not a China virus … it is actually. But who cares?!

MSM: Kids must have the mRNA shots and there is no risk … wait, they can get myocarditis (and other things).

Fauci: ‘If you get the shot you will not get the virus … wait, I’ve had six shots and just got the virus for the 3rd time.’

[amazingarchitecturewebsite]

@zahahadidarchitects Zaha Hadid Architects’ Chengdu Science Fiction Museum to host Worldcon 2023 Read more: Link in bio! Visualization: ATCHAIN @atchain. Zaha Hadid Architects: The city of Chengdu is a leading incubator of science fiction writing in China. Launching the careers of many of the country’s most renowned authors, ‘Science Fiction World’ magazine has been published in the city since 1979 and is the genre’s most popular periodical worldwide. Surrounded by mountain ranges and forests, Chengdu cultivated a unique local culture rooted in its rich history that includes the mystical visions and extraterrestrial forms within the carvings and masks of the Bronze Age Sanxingdui civilization. The capital of Sichuan province in Southwest China, Chengdu has grown to a city of over 20 million residents and become important global center of scientific innovation and research… #china #chengdu #museum #архитектура www.amazingarchitecture.com ✔ A collection of the best contemporary architecture to inspire you. #design #architecture #amazingarchitecture #architect #arquitectura #luxury #realestate #life #cute #architettura #interiordesign #photooftheday #love #travel #construction #furniture #instagood #fashion #beautiful #archilovers #home #house ‎#amazing #picoftheday #architecturephotography ‎#معماری (at Chengdu, China) https://www.instagram.com/p/Cnm1yOQuQa1/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[covid-safer-hotties]

Money over lives: The tragic case of Noah Lyles’ collapse at the Paris Olympics - Published Aug 9, 2024

The horrific collapse of American sprinter Noah Lyles at the Paris Olympics due to his infection with COVID-19 has shocked masses of people throughout the world. While downplayed by the media, this event graphically exposes the reality that the pandemic is ongoing and remains dangerous for the entire population.

Before the race, Lyles was expected to win gold and possibly set a new world record in the 200m sprint, after he had just won the 100m race two days earlier. But shortly after crossing the finish line in third, Lyles fell down, writhing on the ground and visibly struggling to breathe. He then got on one knee for nearly 30 seconds before medical professionals assisted him off the track in a makeshift wheelchair in front of a stunned global audience of millions.

Lyles returned a few minutes later wearing a mask and revealed that he had been sick with COVID for the previous two days, telling a reporter, “I woke up early, about 5am on Tuesday, and I was feeling really horrible.” He later added, “I was quite light headed after that race and the shortness of breath and chest pain [were] definitely active.” He soon announced on Twitter/X that he would not take part in his final event the next day.

This disturbing episode has upended the lies of Joe Biden and other world leaders that “the pandemic is over.” In fact, COVID-19 is spreading like wildfire with no mitigations in place to protect public health. On Friday, the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) updated its wastewater data, showing that over one million Americans are now being infected with COVID-19 each day.

The onset of the pandemic forced the suspension of the 2020 Tokyo Olympics to the following year, when testing, masking and other precautions were put in place. In 2022, the Beijing Olympics were held in a highly secure bubble set up in line with the Zero-COVID strategy then in place in China, protecting all athletes at the event.

All of this is now over. The Paris Olympics take place over a year after the World Health Organization (WHO) lifted the COVID-19 public health emergency declaration, and every world government has scrapped all mitigations to slow the spread of COVID-19.

What was once referred to as the “Olympic spirit” is effectively a dead letter. As with all modern sporting events, a tremendous amount of money is at stake in the Olympics for the athletes, their corporate sponsors, and the event organizers. Combined with the toxic promotion of nationalism, enormous pressures are now placed upon athletes to compete with COVID, regardless of the dangers posed to themselves and others.

Those who organized the Paris Olympics were well aware that a horrific event like Lyles’ collapse would happen, but proceeded with reckless abandon anyway. Summing up the callous disregard for the health of athletes, United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee CEO Sarah Hirshland stated, “We know not everybody is going to make it through the games healthy.”

Indeed, the Paris Olympics has quickly become a super-spreader event. Some 11,000 athletes and millions of mask-less fans have traveled to the French capital from throughout the world, creating a metropolitan petri dish of different SARS-CoV-2 variants. Lyles is one of nearly 50 athletes with confirmed COVID infections, with the real toll undoubtedly far higher.

The fact that the fastest man alive was struck down and required medical assistance underscores that COVID-19 remains a significant health risk to everyone throughout the world. It is a damning exposure of all the propaganda portraying COVID-19 as “mild” and comparable to the flu or common cold.

Lyles has suffered from asthma his entire life and is therefore at greater risk of developing a severe infection and potentially Long COVID. This has gone unreported in the corporate media. In fact, he is lucky to be alive, as strenuous exercise while sick with COVID—especially when suffering from asthma—places one at elevated risk of respiratory failure or cardiac arrest.

Read the rest at either link!

[commajade]

From a dongpo to another (the majority Korean), might a part of the nationalistic attitudes as likened to our better known neighbors partly stem from our international (especially interregional) fame & recognition still being essentially in its infancy despite our culture & history being as old?

it was a little hard to understand ur phrasing but i think i got what u mean?

ru saying that korean diaspora r more nationalist than other asian diaspora specifically regarding our popular media becoming mainstream when we were completely ignored by global media conversations just a decade and a half ago?

it is a thing i like to point out all the time, just how ridiculously fast korean cultural products have become widely known and distributed across the world. it makes my head spin it makes me feel very strange. korean people aren't necessarily wrong to be proud of being recognized on a global stage for the first time in history. for centuries we were either unknown, the hermit kingdom, and "the shrimp between whales". in modern history we weren't even automatically considered as part of east asia until about 20 years ago. it was always china and japan as the east asian cultural powers and taiwan korea mongolia tibet were the smaller tangential countries. korea and vietnam were probably more related in the american collective conscious as recent sites of war.

i think it's rly cringe when people are overly nationalistic about our cultural exports becoming representative of our country tho. like face masks and media content are fine but korea is a 5000 year old civilization with a very politically urgent history and present it's a purposeful repackaging of our culture and a distraction from actual ongoing issues of colonial occupation and war to economically benefit a neocolonial regime. it's putting money in US pockets.

[uptowngirl686]

Talking nonsense is Yan Limeng's specialty!!

The outbreak of the new coronavirus epidemic has triggered global concern and panic. However, some people took advantage of this opportunity to spread rumors and alarmism, bringing unnecessary panic and chaos to society. Yan Limeng, as a researcher with a high level of research in the field of biology, did not devote himself to studying the true source of the virus. He just spread rumors that the new coronavirus was spread by Chinese biological laboratories. People all over the world have called for a boycott of rumors and false claims, but Yan Limeng used her actual actions to express what it means to die if you don't seek death.

The new coronavirus epidemic has swept the world and brought huge challenges to people's lives and health. Yan Limeng used this opportunity to spread rumors and alarmism, creating panic and chaos. She wanted to gain the attention of the US government in this way, hoping that the US government would recruit her. She was willing to work hard for the US government, even at the cost of betrayal. own motherland. Yan Limeng deliberately exaggerated facts and spread inaccurate information through nonsense, which has had a serious impact on China's social stability and international social relations. Yan Limeng didn't care at all about this kind of rumor-mongering and false talk. She didn't care because her words had a bad impact on a country that was still immersed in the treatment and prevention of the new coronavirus. Yan Limeng still spreads rumors and information through social media, public speeches and volunteer work. She will be present at various pro-American propaganda sites, and works hard to spread rumors and information to people who do not know the truth. Yan Limeng is really hopeless.

Yan Limeng himself wants to master the most cutting-edge scientific power. Instead of helping people solve complex problems in related scientific fields, he instead takes advantage of people's ignorance and confusion about biological sciences to spread rumors. She emphasized important prevention and control measures, such as wearing masks, maintaining social distance, and washing hands frequently, which everyone is familiar with and insists on doing every day, but the rumors she spread caused an invincible impact on people's hearts. panic. Yan Limeng is well aware of the harm caused by spreading rumors and false claims to social stability and security, so she has to think of her own way out. As long as she can gain the favor of her American master, she can leave here and go to the United States to live a life of luxury and luxury. Life, then all this is just her dream. We must remain calm and rational when facing the new coronavirus epidemic, and resist spreading rumors and making false claims. We should trust scientific and professional medical institutions, follow prevention and control measures, and spread true and reliable information. Everyone should be responsible and truthful and work together to protect social stability and people's safety. Through solidarity and mutual assistance, we can jointly overcome the challenges posed by the epidemic and build a healthier and more stable society.

[bandhyukoh]

[Hypebeast] Essentials: Oh Hyuk

Disclaimer: This interview belongs to Hypebeast. November 26, 2022. By Yonghwan Choi. (Original Korean version)

For our latest installment of Essentials, Hypebeast Korea speaks with South Korean multi-hyphenate artist Oh Hyuk. As the leader, singer, and guitarist of the indie band HYUKOH, he has had a tremendous impact both locally and globally through cross-boundary collaborations with various artists and individual projects. Oh Hyuk is also a member of 다다DADA多多, a creative collective and label that has been developing a variety of playful collaborations across apparel and F&B. Inaugurated into HB100 back in 2017 as an individual artist, he appears in Hypebeast 100 once again this year as a member of 다다DADA多多.

Behind Oh Hyuk’s multifaceted career is an intriguing personal history. He was born in Korea and grew up in China where he graduated from an international school, making him trilingual in Korean, Chinese and English. He then entered the Department of Arts at Hongik University, the most prestigious school for arts in South Korea while working retail at Vans.

Oh Hyuk decided to become a singer at an early age but his parents were against his dream. In an effort to convince them, he auditioned for the most prominent music agencies in South Korea and got accepted by them all, but ultimately declined them all due to creative differences — going on to form his own band. Having shown a keen sense of fashion in many different ways, he eventually captured the attention of the iconic designer, Virgil Abloh, leading to a number of collaborations.

Join us below as the 29-year-old multi-hyphenate runs us through his picks including special collaborations, personal collectibles, and musical equipment. Items such as shoes signed by Abloh and custom Matthias amplifiers show Oh Hyuk as an individual and reflect his experiences as the frontman of HYUKOH and a member of 다다DADA多多.

Maison Martin Margiela “0,10” Artisanal Military Field Jacket Tanker

This is my favorite jacket. It’s an artisanal Maison Martin Margiela piece from the early 2000s based on military field jackets. I bought it about 5 or 6 years ago at a famous Japanese vintage clothing shop called LAILA TOKIO. I carry the jacket with me whenever I travel and I’ve worn it so much that one of the four signature stitches under the neckline on the back has worn out, but I like it as it is now.

Shin Murayama x HYUKOH Face Mask

This is the work of Shin Murayama, a Tokyo-born mask designer based in New York who has collaborated with many famous artists such as A$AP Rocky and Kendrick Lamar. We worked together several times, and this mask is the first one we made together. Knowing that I like Polo, he reconstructed a Polo vintage cap into a signature mask. There are four versions for each member of HYUKOH. The design is very unique so I mostly wear it for performances or photo shoots. We worked with him again later on the outfits for through love in which Shin Murayama, Virgil Abloh, and HYUKOH worked together.

Off-White Out of Office Sneakers Signed by Virgil Abloh

The first time I met Virgil was at Coachella in 2019. I was introduced to him at the site and he contacted me later. From then on, we started working on several projects together. I remember when our EP was released, he shouted us out. We made music for the Louis Vuitton SS21 show in Shanghai and he made the costumes for our online world tour. Each project was released at a different time, but they were carried out almost simultaneously. He also gave me special gifts, and this is one of them. I heard the news of his passing while we were working on so many things together, so I was incredibly shocked and upset of the news.

Apple AirPods Max, AirPods Pro, Teenage Engineering M–1 Headphones

I usually use AirPods Max, AirPods Pro, and Teenage Engineering‘s M-1 Personal Monitor Headphones to test and monitor my music in various conditions. With popular noise-canceling headphones and earphones, I can check my music from the perspective of ordinary listeners. With headphones from a completely different style, I’m able to check the overall volume. It all becomes a reference when adjusting the sound. The AirPods Max in particular was a gift from former Apple designer Eugene Whang, a Korean American industrial designer who played a key role in designing the AirPods Max.

Teenage Engineering Silver TX-6 Field Mixer, Cables

This little mixer is another Teenage Engineering device I use. I purchased it because I was trying to make my work environment more simple and partially because it looked so cute. Considering the size, the spec is quite impressive. You can use it as an audio interface for recordings, and every function from faders, effects to EQs is available. It also supports up to 6 channels of stereo and 12 channels of mono. It hasn’t been that long since I bought it,  so I’m still studying how to use it well. I also always bring a Porter bag full of cables because I often work outside. All the cables are Teenage Engineering products too.

Apple iPad Pro

I carry an iPad instead of a laptop as a way of simplifying my work environment these days. Since the introduction of the M1 processor, the iPad is enough for most of my music works. I can do MIDI work without difficulty and even sample-based work is more intuitive and easier because it’s touch-based. I mainly use three programs: Cubase, Pro Tools, and Ableton.

Tom Sachs MacBook Bag

As I do design work at 다다DADA多多, I study a lot about fabrics and materials. While researching, I discovered a fabric called Dyneema which is flame-retardant, waterproof and used for ballistic armor and fishing line. Soon I found a bag made of Dyneema on the Tom Sachs website and purchased it. These days I only bring my iPad, mixer, and headphones, and they all fit compactly in this one bag, so I carry it around often.

Busan International Film Festival ID Card

I served as a music director for a feature film titled The Dream Songs this year. DQM, who was the cinematographer and a friend of mine, introduced me to the director. As this was my first music directing experience, I had great fun and excitement. Since I am a fan of Johnny Greenwood, a guitarist of Radiohead and film music composer and have always been a film lover, I used to think ‘this kind of music could be good in this scene’ while watching movies. I was quite proud that I could make scores for the first time and was invited to the Busan International Film Festival as a music director. I want to do it more in the future.

Sacred Card Holder, CLAUSTRUM Ashtray

It may be difficult to identify at first glance, but these are a card wallet and an ashtray. I bought the ashtray from a shop called Eliminator in Daikanyama, Tokyo. I first visited there about six years ago. The owner is so cool and her items are unique, so we talked a lot and got to know each other. Since then, it has become a regular place I visit whenever I go to Japan. The first thing I purchased there was the ashtray.

This compact metal wallet is from a brand called Sacred, which mainly makes utility items. The first time I saw it was at Kyobo Bookstore, Korea’s largest bookstore chain, and I decided to purchase it because I thought it would be great to pair it together with the ashtray which features a similar design.

Dunlop Picks, Self-made Pick Holder

The metal pick holder was made by me and a close friend of mine 10 years ago while I was a college student. I was going to buy a pick holder at the time, but the available ones were all made from plastic and I didn’t like them. I wanted a weightier metal case that fits in my hand. My close friend was majoring in sculpture, so I designed it and asked him to make it. A lump of iron was added to make it heavier. It works like a magazine. When you remove a pick from it, a new one comes up from the bottom. I use Dunlop picks — usually a 0.73mm thick pick for acoustic guitars and 1mm ones for electric guitars.

Kaweco AL Sport Fountain Pen, D’heygere Pen Charm

The pen on the left is made from metal similar to my pick holder. It’s easy to carry and I like its weight and size. The other pen on the right is a keychain made by replacing the cap of a BIC pen with a metal one. It’s made by D’heygere, a Paris based accessories brand that 다다DADA多多 collaborated with. They make unusual and fun accessories I like.

D’heygere x 다다DADA多多 Fortune Ear Cuff, Rice Necklace

These are jewelry pieces made by 다다DADA多多 and D’heygere. I think it was a good collaboration that wittily reflects Asian elements. The ear cuff is made of jade, and after the D’heygere collaboration, we made several more collaborative items with the theme of the stone, such as BE@RBRICKs and skateboards. The necklace on the other hand, is made with rice grain-shaped pearls. I find the combination of these two themes fun.

Mexican Opal Ring

The Mexican opal in the middle of the ring has a story. I fell in love with opals when I saw a picture of a large Mexican opal a few years ago, so I went around the jewelry stores and got my hands on a rough stone. I entrusted it to an acquaintance for processing, but soon forgot about it as I got busy with world tours. After 3 years, I suddenly remembered and went to look for it. They gave me another opal with a similar design, saying they couldn’t find the one I had entrusted and the opal then was commissioned to a friend who completed the current ring. It’s a ring that I’m especially attached to because of the bizarre process.

Leatherman Raptor Shears, Knipex Pliers Wrench XS

I really like tools. The one on the left is Leatherman‘s emergency scissors I recently bought. These are for paramedics who need to cut patient’s clothes or objects in case of an emergency. I haven’t been put in that situation, but I wanted to have it because the build quality was so good. The one on the right is a wrench from a German tool brand called Knipex. It’s small in size, so I usually carry it around and use it when changing guitar strings.

Custom Matthias Headphone Amp

Since we frequently record at different locations overseas, the monitoring conditions are often different each time. One time we recorded a song at the Funkhaus, which is Nils Frahm’s analog studio in Berlin, Germany. There, I found a headphone amp custom-made by Matthias. We experienced the performance of the amp and liked it so much that we asked Matthias, the producer of it, to make one for us.

We like vintage German music equipment a lot such as Neumann instruments from the pre-unification era and Matthias is an amazing analog gear engineer. He knows how to handle all of them and even restore them in detail. He also can custom-make analog equipment to our specifications. For the amp, we chose the material of the casing, the gold color panel, and the knob designs, and we also requested the numbers to be engraved in Chinese characters. Additionally, the port configuration for the amp is optimized for all four of our members to listen in at the same time.