#Glass Onion had a gun

[john-deco]

Fan art? For a movie that we only have a title to go by?

More likely than you think.

[fleshadept]

while the criticism of glass onion being a bourgeois art piece hegemonically negotiating hatred of the 1% into standard discourse is understandable, i think it's important to remember that rian johnson and daniel craig and whoever you want to criticise for making "performative" art about the systemic ways in which the ultrawealthy maintain power and specifically marginalize women of color are far closer in wealth to the average american than they ever will be to elon musk or any billionaire. daniel craig's net worth is $8 million dollars. his WHOLE net worth. you have to multiply that by 19,500 to get anywhere near elon musk's net worth of $156,000,000,000. and that's after he's lost $100bn this YEAR.

it's true that people shouldn't count watching movies as activism and definitely shouldn't see media produced by huge corporations as praxis, but that doesn't mean what political standpoints they do contain lack value or are disingenuous. the human mind is literally incapable of conceptualizing numbers after a certain point, so it's easy to think of hollywood rich and billionaire rich as similar, because both kinds of people live lives that most of us could barely dream of with privileges and access to resources that we will never have. but the difference between a millionaire and a billionaire is the difference between being able to make a movie starring daniel craig and being able to bankroll dozens of politicians and buy one of the largest social media websites used by millions of people daily on a whim

as "rich people bad" movies go, glass onion deals with it REALLY well. the scene at the end when helen destroys miles's house demonstrates a very nuanced understanding of how billionaires maintain power; blanc recognizes and tells helen that even though they found the truth, they can't do anything legally because miles burned their only physical evidence and the courts will unequivocally side with the billionaire. again. so in lieu of any justice system that will work, helen starts breaking shit. but miles doesn't even care that much, because what's a dozen million dollar glass art pieces to a man who accrues that in interest every minute? even when everyone else joins in, he doesn't care. it's annoying, but it doesn't mean anything. so the other "disruptors" stop after they've gotten their minimal catharsis, having done no real damage to his reputation or, frankly, their reliance on him.

helen burning the mona lisa to take him down, and that being presented as the best option, is really significant. as movies go, taking the stance of "destroying priceless art and private property is not only justified and moral but effective in the face of a system that gives you no other option for justice" is pretty damn rare.

it's true that if glass onion or other high budget films actually tangibly threatened the system in any way they would never get funded or see the light of day. but the cool thing about stories, and about art, is that you can't predict the effects they have on people. anti-billionaire bourgeois art isn't direct action, it isn't activism, and it isn't even important politically, but that doesn't mean it has no effect on the discourse whatsoever and can't be important to how people see the 1%

[jackawful]

So I'm fairly new to being a Gun Understander but I need everyone doing Glass Onion analysis to understand how ridiculous Duke's setup is. It's not just that he's wearing his gun in the pool & doing dumb shit like shooting into the air.

He's appendix carrying in a leather holster, putting himself in danger of accidentally shooting himself in the balls and/or femoral artery. His gun is a Yugo M57, a cold war era relic that's often considered a collector's item BUT is also relatively cheap & has wonky shit added to US imports for legal compliance...which he then got custom engraved. It's not even remotely practical for defensive use and it's chambered in a weirdass outdated caliber that I can't find 2020 price points for, but given it's like 60-120 cpr now, dude was likely spending at least 2 bucks a bullet to fire into the air at pandemic ammo prices.

This gun not only signals that this man is the epitome of toxic masculinity (carry your epi pen, bruh) BUT ALSO he is being needlessly ostentatious AND getting scammed into ineffective bullshit by his fellow right-wing grifters whenever he walks into a gun store.

[anonymous-bush]

tfw you're drunk and your feed is all glass onion but you've developed trust issues from gonchorov (1973) so you're skeptical if it's actually a thing or not

[moondove330]

Just finished watching Glass Onion. It fucks, go watch it

[quillyfied]

There being two movies now in the Benoit Blanc world, and both movies sharing some recognizable tropes and archetypes to build its flavor, there’s a specific type of character that I’m struck by, particularly as a white woman, in both Knives Out and Glass Onion:

The Sympathetic White Woman.

In KO it’s Meg. In GO it’s Whiskey. They both bond with the (WOC, very important to emphasize) protagonist by being less crappy to her than the rest of the cast, and both signal to the audience that they’re trustworthy as far as the protagonist goes. They tell the protagonist that they’re on her side. They try to be supportive. They’re sympathetic to the audience.

Then comes the moment when the Sympathetic White Woman’s security is threatened.

(Brief added interruption to just say: please dig through the notes and replies on this baby for some additional excellent thoughts from other people, including the very important distinction that Marta is a white Latina and not a woman of color (my mistake thank you for the corrections), and more thoughts on Whiskey’s actual/additional betrayal moments!)

For Meg, it’s her mom telling her she has to drop out of school if they don’t get the inheritance money. For Whiskey, it’s Duke dying. In both cases, the protagonist reaches out—Marta tells Meg she won’t let that happen, she’ll support Meg with whatever money she needs; Helen tries to soothe a hysteric Whiskey by telling her she doesn’t need Duke and he deserved what he got (not realizing Duke is dead, of course). It’s a slightly different moment in each movie, but the basic framework is the same: the woman of color protagonist reaches back to the Sympathetic White Woman, and notably, reaches DOWN, offering the support the Sympathetic White Woman offered earlier.

Only…the Sympathetic White Woman was never intending to be the one the protagonist had to reach down to. So she snaps. Meg tells her family about Marta’s mother and they use it to threaten her. Whiskey latches onto the belief that Helen killed Duke and tries to kill her with a spear gun in what she thinks is self-defense. The Sympathetic White Woman Heel-Turn.

Meg and Whiskey both also sort of try to make amends after their Heel-Turn moments, but…the trust is already broken. The protagonist knows better now. The Sympathetic White Woman is not to be trusted.

Why this sticks out to me personally is the very obvious callout that feminists of color have been making about white feminists for literal decades: that white feminism lacks any true support or compassion for non-white people, that it’s empty promises of support and when the chips are down, white feminism upholds whiteness over feminism in an act to protect itself. And whiteness…is a damn difficult thing to even see when you’re white and raised in an overwhelmingly white community, let alone begin to pick apart and unlearn. It’s reactionary, how Meg and Whiskey turn on Marta and Helen to protect themselves.

It would make Meg incredibly vulnerable to support Marta fully, the way she promised to back when she thought she had the resources for it, but Marta is that vulnerable every day just existing as a Latina woman in America. Whiskey’s Heel-Turn moment is a little more immediate trauma based, but when looking for someone to blame, she doesn’t hesitate to blame Andi (Helen), scrapping together the few pieces of information she has—Andi hates all of the Disruptors, Andi got screwed over by them, Andi fought with Duke just minutes before he died, Andi was in their shared room tearing it apart when Whiskey came in distraught. She’s looking for an outlet. There’s Helen red-handed and in view. Boom. Whiskey grabs the spear gun instead of talking it out with the person she admitted just hours ago to feeling sympathy for.

Growing up white and steeped in whiteness causes defensive reactions when that whiteness is brought up, or, god forbid, challenged. It’s a knee-jerk thing for people who haven’t begun to deconstruct it for themselves; even for people who have, to see just how far and deep in American society that reaches is troubling. Humbling. Enraging. The Sympathetic White Woman archetype is, to me, a warning to not let whiteness overrule sense and morals. To be smart about it. And, crucially, to check myself for condescension, especially when interacting with non-white folks in any capacity.

(Also why the presence of Benoit Blanc is so important. He is also sympathetic, he also offers his own support, but crucially, he just uses his whiteness to clear a path for the WOC protagonist to take her place and do what she needs to do. He doesn’t speak over her, he doesn’t turn on her, he just listens, and presents the truth for her to do with it what she will. Or, in one case, hands her highly volatile crystal hydrogen for when she’s really ready to tear the Murderer’s crap down.)

[internetskiff]

The most powerful ability exclusive to humanity in the Half Life/Portal shared universe is our ability to just throw bullshit at the wall and see what sticks. Aperture "OSHA are the devil" Science have managed to create completely safe interconnected points in space. The same company that turns people's blood into gasoline and shoves lions and humans into the same enclosed space for the vague concept of "Science". Meanwhile Black Mesa still has to use Xen as a crossing and their teleportation device requires an entire reactor with a village's worth of staff constantly maintaining it, just to end up having most of said staff abducted by onion-headed aliens. Even the resistance hasn't managed to create completely stable teleporters with a compressed Xen relay, meanwhile Aperture just went "oh dude let's shove a black hole into a non-waterproof gun" and have just created a teleportation method that just removes Xen from the equation entirely. Doesn't change the fact they bullshat so bad they basically got themselves gassed to death, but still.

The Resistance are a good example of this too. The Combine seem to have a complete set-in-stone thought process and understanding of science which meant they didn't even begin to explore local teleportation via Xen, meanwhile a group of random human mechanics and scientists have managed to cobble together at least two semi-functional local teleporters out of scrap metal and stolen Combine tech, to the point the All-Consuming Interdimensional Empire had to straight up copy their homework. And that isn't even the only time they seem to be taking human shit to just copy the blueprints.

They 100% just yoinked the entire damn car out of that garage just to take a crack at reverse-engineering the Tau Cannon attached to it. Even Resistance weaponry somehow manages to rival or at least stand equal to Combine tech - and we're talking improvised crossbows that shoot superheated rods of rebar at the target compared to high-tech rifles that can discharge orbs of pure dark energy. The collapse of the entire Citadel is basically set into motion as a result of a cobbled together Rebel device placed into extremely capable hands.

The events of the Portal games are a case of extremely elaborate machinelike planning versus pure human improvisation, with Chell's entire escape in the first game involving her simply weaseling her way through small cracks that GLaDOS missed while setting up her ambushes, eventually turning her own rocket turret against her to destroy her.

I suppose you could argue this falls flat in Portal 2 with Wheatley, but it's important to remember he's designed to be an utter idiot, so it's safe to say he wouldn't obsess over the larger picture like GLaDOS to the point where he fails to see the cracks. Yes, he's the one that breaks Chell out of the test chambers again, and yes, he's the one that came up with the sabotage plot - but it's important to note while he knows what to target in the sabotage, when we actually get there he doesn't quite know how to sabotage it, leaving Chell to figure it out on her own. She botches the Turret Quality Control Line with some minor guidance, but it's basically completely up to her to figure out how to cut off the Neurotoxin Supply. It's through her improvisation that Wheatley even manages to get into GLaDOS' chamber, tumbling through her neurotoxin vent and shattering the glass cage she trapped Chell inside of. It's through Chell's improvisation that the Core Transfer even occurs in the first place.

The script is flipped specifically when Wheatley takes charge, because oops - turns out a mind capable of focusing on the bigger picture might be pretty important when it comes to running an entire facility powered by it's own Reactor. Wheatley just completely zeroes in on his own personal pleasure, hacking up test chambers and the objects within them to try and figure out the easiest way to get his solution euphoria as quick as possible.

Still, something that's pretty interesting is that only Wheatley has ever managed to create a trap that's impossible to foresee and avoid, something GLaDOS has repeatedly failed to do to the point she ends up commending him. I believe this is because his way of thinking is a lot closer to Chell's compared to GLaDOS'. He puts up way more of a fight as the two run through the facility trying to get to him, seemingly improvising on the spot just like Chell has been over the course of the two games. Even his lair would be impossible to survive if it weren't for a single Conversion Gel pipe he somehow failed to notice and remove.

Whether in a laboratory deep beneath the soil or an alien tower tall enough to split the clouds, the ingenuity of even a single person is enough to topple a tower or destroy a supercomputer 3 times over.

Marc Laidlaw put what I'm trying to say into a single sentence when writing for the BreenGrub twitter account:

"The superstructure is riddled with cracks."

[dingustripas]

I just finished watching Glass Onion for the third time so now you get to hear my rant about it but the details are out of order in the timeline because I’m lazy

(SPOILERS AHEAD)

When Miles lifts the gun off of Duke, we can actually see it pre-Blanc explaining it. The scene where the two hug you can see Miles take the gun and slip it into the back of his jeans.

Following the gun thing, we, the viewers actually SEE the gun itself (pre-Blanc’s explanation) when Miles goes back to the mini bar to put it in the ice bucket. Although it’s kind of hard to see it’s very clearly a gun but our eyes manipulate our minds into thinking it’s a drink because it is indeed a minibar.

They show how Miles places the drink in Dukes hand pre Blanc’s explanation but quickly distract us with the groups dynamic and Birdie.

Phillip is skeptical of Helen when she asks for Blanc, we can assume that he and Blanc have had negative run ins with people from jobs. Also Phillip might be judging Helen’s character, who she is, because he doesn’t want to put Blanc into a situation where he’s in true danger. He’s a detective not Batman.

Birdies mask at the beginning of the movie at the boat is just fucking chains across her face in diamond pattern.

Blanc doesn’t have a gag reflex when the dude in the white suit puts Miles “covid vax” down his throat. (Bc he’s 🏳️‍🌈)

Andi, when she first comes up with the idea for Alpha and starts working with Miles, is wearing dark colors. The dark blue pinstripe suit, her completely black ensamble when we see her at the Glass Onion (the bar). But when she’s challenging Miles she’s wearing both Black and white. At the trial she’s wearing a light almost off white suit. Why is this important? Because what color is Helen wearing when she shuts miles down? White. The color white is, in itself, a color that symbolizes Miles downfall.

Connecting back to the white idea, Whiskey is wearing all white (her bathing suit) when she reveals crucial information about Miles giving her the Taurus necklace for her birthday. (Which leads to his downfall when Blanc puts 2+2 together that he killed Andi)

“Im really bad at dumb things” -Blanc. The reason he didn’t catch on to what was going on with Miles earlier was because Miles is stupid. Miles is so dumb that he fucking befuddled Blanc because Miles is so stupid.

Blanc isn’t uncomfortable about his arousal around Birdie when she put her legs up on him while Miles talks about being ‘Disrupters’. He’s uncomfortable because he’s GAY and has a BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND.

There’s a bunch of owls and small trinkets of birds in Birdies room.

The movie, at the very beginning, with Miles mystery invitation box thing hints at where the envelope is hidden. The fibonacci sequence on the box has the center blocked out in black, where we will later see in the film is red which is where Miles is hiding the envelope. For fucks sake the movie even goes out of its way, with Dukes mother, to point out the sequence. (“The first one’s a fibonacci sequence” -Dukes mom).

During the dinner Whiskey is wearing the same golden chain body jewelry that Birdie was wearing earlier at the pool. So this could mean two things: 1. They have the same chain and 2. Whiskey borrowed the chain from Birdie.

Now connecting to my first point about the chain jewelry above. The reason why Miles likes Whiskey, despite her sleeping with him for the sake of Dukes channel, is because Whiskey reminds him of younger Birdie. Birdie even talks to Peg about how dazzled and amazed Miles was when he first met her and how she wishes it was like that again. Then when they’re smashing the glass sculptures, the first thing Whiskey smashes is a sculpture of a bird. Hence smashing Miles perception of her as another person he can use like he used Birdie.

“You have him turn around so he can have deniability” -Aaron Burr in Hamilton (Basically what Blanc was thinking when he walked out of the room)

When Blanc is trying to light his cigar in the “Smokeless garden” the reason the alarms go off is because because just the smoke and small flames from Blanc’s cigar could cause “another Hindenburg”.

The ending scene with Helen and Blanc after Blanc asks her if she’s ready to go home, Helen’s sitting stance mimics the Mona Lisa. Miles said “It all started with her” in reference to his success being inspired by the Mona Lisa. But it all ended with Helen and her stance at the end mimicking the Mona Lisa is meant to represent that. The beginning and end of Miles Bron.

Blanc refers to alchol as offering Helen “some courage”. Ofc as we all know alcohol is commonly referred to as “Liquid Courage”.

We should’ve known Miles was the killer for this simple reason: The glass he handed to Duke. Duke dying holding Miles’s glass is literally like a signed note. Duke died with Miles name literally written on the crime scene.

[fandomtrumpshate]

Listed fandom fun

A bit of random data before we jump into the rankings for listed fandoms …

Since the numbers post yesterday we've had signups for nearly 60 new auctions, bringing the current total to 779. That beats the number of signups for 2016/7, 2018, 2019, 2020, and 2021, and puts us withing spitting distance of our record last year of 819. Can we do it? Will we do it? Signal boost FTH posts and encourage others to participate. More money raised for good causes, more fanworks in the world — it's a win/win!

We posted yesterday about the state of our unlisted write-in fandoms (we've had nine new ones since then!). Time to check in with the rankings for the listed fandoms.

At the top of the pack we have:

87 K-Pop * 66 Good Omens 50 Sherlock Holmes * 44 Harry Potter * 37 Marvel * 32 DC * 31 Mo Dao Zu Shi / The Untamed 27 Red, White, & Royal Blue 25 Star Wars * 23 Scum Villain's Self-Saving System

Our first tie is for 11th place -

22 Avatar The Last Airbender 22 Teen Wolf

And after that, nearly every other place is a tie. And which ones are ties for which places can be shifted slightly with just one signup. Or completely upended with two. Where will your fandom land?

Remember that if your fandom isn't here (or in the rest of the list below the cut), you can write it in. Signups are OPEN through Monday!

19 Supernatural 18 9-1-1 and 9-1-1 Lone Star 18 Locked Tomb Trilogy 18 Stranger Things 17 All for the Game 16 Our Flag Means Death 16 Tolkien * 16 The Witcher 15 Boku no Hiro Akademia (My Hero Academia) 15 Original Work 15 Percy Jackson and the Olympians 14 Baldur's Gate 3 14 Hockey RPF 12 The Old Guard 12 Tian Guan Ci Fu (Heaven Official's Blessing) 11 The Magnus Archives 11 Star Trek * 10 Check Please! 10 Dungeons & Dragons 10 Haikyuu!!! 10 Hazbin Hotel 10 Jujutsu Kaisen 9 A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones/House of the Dragon 9 One PIece 8 Doctor Who * 8 Hades (video game) 8 Heartstopper 8 James Bond 8 Kingsman 8 Merlin 8 Naruto 8 Suits 7 Dragon Age * 7 Justified 7 Raven Cycle 7 Rusty Quill Gaming Podcast 7 The Sandman 7 Shadowhunters 7 SK8 the Infinity 6 Captive Prince 6 Critical Role 6 Final Fantasy * 6 Fullmetal Alchemist 6 Hannibal 6 Kinnporsche 6 The Maze Runner 6 Queen's Thief 6 Stargate 6 Steven Universe 6 Top Gun Movies 6 Yuri!!! On Ice 5 Alex Rider 5 Grishaverse 5 Interview With The Vampire 5 Malevolent (Podcast) 5 The Murderbot Diaries 5 Nirvana in Fire 5 The Owl House 5 RWBY 4 Erha He Ta De Bai Mao Shizun (The Husky & His White Cat Shizun) 4 Genshin Impact 4 Les Misérables 4 The Magicians 4 Pokemon 4 Witch Hat Atelier 3 Arcane 3 Disney's Descendants 3 Elder Scrolls 3 Hetalia 3 Hunger Games 3 Legend of Zelda 3 Spy x Family 3 Tian Ya Ke / Word of Honor 3 Trigun 3 Welcome to Night Vale 3 Wheel of Time 3 Young Royals 2 Benoit Blanc Mysteries (Knives Out, Glass Onion) 2 Disco Elysium 2 Encanto 2 Gundam Wing 2 The Last of Us 2 Leverage 2 Miraculous Ladybug 2 Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries 2 Mysterious Lotus Casebook 2 Schitt's Creek 2 Super Mario Bros. 1 Assassin's Creed 1 Attack on Titan 1 Diamond no Ace 1 Fire Emblem Three Houses 1 Homestuck 1 Stellar Firma 1 Wednesday / The Addams Family

[evydraws]

Guys. GUYS.

I may have watched Glass Onion one too many times and only now realized that they actually put a full-on Among Us scenario in there with the whole “Light out!” part!

That’s literally what you do to sabotage as an Imposter.

There’s a gun.

Everyone runs around trying to fulfill their little tasks/trying to survive/panicking.

Birdie even has a comically large knife.

AND THEN BLANC DRAGS EVERYONE AWAY FROM THE BODY TO HOLD AN EMERGENCY MEETING.

I’m probably the last one to realize this, but it’s just so visually neat I had to gush for a moment. Foreshadowing (affectionate).

[tryin2writehere]

Gentlemen Fanfic (Eddie x Susie)

PEOPLE IN GLASS HOUSES

1

Susie Glass’s layers rivaled an onion, but with hardened surfaces like the earth’s own fucking mantle. A polished design of layered wools, tweed, velvets and silks, as though they could literally armor her against a consistent onslaught of fatuity-prone workmates. Eddie spent long moments dealing devilish ideas of unfurling her from these layers. He often soothed himself with the notion that a personal union could be possible without imploding their professional partnership.

 

He found himself seeking signs like a meteorologist to predict her temperature, (cooly aloof with a sixty percent chance of snark.) When she warmed, and her eyes revealed a playful gleam, it could set him on the edge of reason.

Like he called her forth with desire alone, the outline of her body emanated on the decorative glass frame of his study. Before she was even fully in the room, he smiled, “Hello Susan.”

“Evening Edward,” she returned and sashayed across the room in a perfectly tailored blue plaid suit he’d never seen. She planted herself in a chair across from Eddie. 

The low light glinted off the amber bourbon Eddie poured into baccarat tumblers, “did you hear back from Brussels?”

“Our Belgian friends have a different timeline in mind and no sense of urgency. I reckon we’ll hear sometime next week.”

“Do you speak any Flemish?” The most successful way, he found, to get to know Susie Glass, was micro-information obtained in seemingly innocuous questions.  That and surviving nazi twat machine-gun fire.  

“Very little.  Mostly vulgarities, really.  I get by with French.  You?”

“Not a word,” he rounded his desk, sat on the edge, and handed her the drink, eyeing her on-business demeanor. 

She sipped, looking up at him through thick eyelashes and fringe, and his chest tightened slightly.

“Jack is doing well?”

Her countenance visibly lightened with her brother’s name, her azure eyes suddenly balmy, “he is indeed. Fortuitous you mentioning him.”

“How so?”

“I’ve a meeting tomorrow afternoon with an unpleasant but necessary gym owner. Thought you might like to join me.”

“I would like to join you, yes.  A gym owner?”

“I’m looking to acquire a few more locations.”

“For Jack?”

“He isn’t ready to train, and I need to keep him busy, keep his mind occupied while he’s recovering.  GlassKnuckle is a fine place, but his pride…he needs a bit of a fresh start. He’d be a good coach really,” she paused and smirked. “He’d be a shit awful manager, but I can outsource that to a degree. It’s the only environment I reckon will keep him contented until he can train again.”

Eddie nearly asked if fighting again was even a realistic possibility, but thought better of it.  He didn’t want to squash the hopeful glimmer in her eyes or again draw attention to his own culpability in Jack’s condition.

Instead he asked, “who is this unpleasant Gym Owner?”

“Sugar Walsh.  He owns three locations, and rumours abound he’s looking to unload them and retire.”

“What time tomorrow?”

“Two o’clock. You available then?”

“I’m not, unfortunately. I’m taking Chuckles and Junior to the doctor.”

“The doctor?” she leaned forward in concern.

“Just a scheduled check-up for the baby, but she asked me -“

“Of course,” she nodded, “you’re a good brother.”

“Mm. Yes, I try. Can we reschedule?”

“Had better not. As I said, he’s unpleasant as it is.”

She stared into her drink, her posture stiffening slightly, her body weighted again with some unknown problem-to-be-solved.

“Susie?”

She glanced up at him.

“Is there something -”

“- nothing I can’t handle,” she blinked softly.

“Of course,” he nodded again. “We should return around four pm tomorrow; would you like to have dinner with me, and we can discuss some overdue security upgrades?” 

“Dinner with the Duke of Halstead.  What shall I wear?”

“Something blue.  Compliments your eyes.”

“Hm. Blue it is.” She swallowed the last of her drink and was gone before he could conjure a chaste enough reason for her to stay.

[goodnightmemes]

GLASS ONION: A KNIVES OUT MYSTERY (2022) SENTENCE STARTERS

❛ You can’t keep making excuses for every one of [name]’s insane whims. ❜

❛ Genius always looks like insanity at first, though, right? ❜

❛ Hey, please stop fire-spinning inside. ❜

❛ I say it like I see it, no filter. If people can’t handle it, that’s their problem. ❜

❛ You’ve got to stay off the Twitter. ❜

❛ Are you mocking me? ❜

❛ This can’t Shazam. It’s a lamp. ❜

❛ Where’s my speargun? I gotta pack. ❜

❛ He told me you haven’t left the bath for a week. ❜

❛ My mind is a fueled-up racing car, and I got nowhere to drive it. ❜

❛ I need danger, a hunt, a challenge. ❜

❛ There’s someone here for you! With a box! ❜

❛ Hello, stranger danger. ❜

❛ Excuse me, I love your accent. I had to try it. ❜

❛ You must be very special. ❜

❛ When you throw a murder mystery party, you do it right, buddy. ❜

❛ I’m not here. ❜

❛ He’s just staying here. He’s going through things. ❜

❛ This rich-people shit is weird. ❜

❛ This is stretching my stride-taking abilities. ❜

❛ Okay, let’s stop talking and actually start hanging out and having fun. ❜

❛ Why is it on the roof? ❜

❛ I wanted to ask, what are you doing here? ❜

❛ Is this part of the game? ❜

❛ I’ve learned through bitter experience that an anonymous invitation is not to be trifled with. ❜

❛ You really try. I like that. You really make an effort. ❜

❛ You never know when shit’s gonna go down. ❜

❛ I’m uncomfortable. I’m gonna go for a swim. ❜

❛ It’s true. I say it like I see it. ❜

❛ If you want to shake things up, you start with something small. ❜

❛ That’s the place where you have to look within yourself and ask, “Am I the kind of person who will keep going?” ❜

❛ That was some real red-pill stuff. ❜

❛ Every single one of you is holding on for dear life to [name]’s golden titties. ❜

❛ Wow. That was so real. ❜

❛ I’m a truth-teller. Some people can’t handle it. ❜

❛ It’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth. Don’t you think? ❜

❛ Are you calling me dangerous? ❜

❛ A few cocktails before I’m murdered. ❜

❛ Halle Berry! That has a kick. ❜

❛ This simple thing that you thought you were looking at, it suddenly takes on layers and depth so complex, it gives you vertigo. ❜

❛ Every time we’ve gotten to the point where I’m going to strangle you, you pull something like this, and it’s magic. ❜

❛ I wanna be responsible for something that gets mentioned in the same breath as the Mona Lisa. ❜

❛ This is reckless. And you’re gonna get somebody killed. ❜

❛ It’s been a memorable weekend already, to be sure, but now the real fun starts. ❜

❛ Tonight, in this very room, a murder will be committed. ❜

❛ Well, to be clear, I mean, I didn’t know what a “blood diamond” was so… ❜

❛ What am I supposed to do now? Play Yahtzee all weekend? ❜

❛ I like the Glass Onion as a metaphor. An object that seems densely layered, but in reality the center is in plain sight. ❜

❛ It’s like putting a loaded gun on the table and turning off the lights! ❜

❛ Well, I’m out of here. Tomorrow morning. Gone. ❜

❛ You’re murdering my vibe. ❜

❛ So you come here, in your Gucci flats, telling us that we owe you? ❜

❛ What do you want? A check? You want performative pity? ❜

❛ I want the truth! ❜

❛ But me, I’m tired of pretending like you’re the victim in this game. ❜

❛ That changes things, right? ❜

❛ Have we ever not pulled through? Pulled it off? ❜

❛ We won’t know the cause of death without an autopsy. ❜

❛ Listen, I must insist that nobody touch the body or disturb anything around it. ❜

Are you treating this as a crime scene then? ❜

❛ I’ll pay you one billion dollars to tell me which one of them tried to kill me. ❜

❛ Oh, fiddlesticks. ❜

❛ Is that a speargun? ❜

❛ Oh, hell’s bells! Just, everybody, just stay here! ❜

❛ I can peel back the layers, I can take it to a point, but what lies at the center, only one person can tell us who killed [name]. ❜

❛ You’re not in the bath again, are you? ❜

❛ Heavens, the dog ate the caviar again. ❜

❛ It’s a stupid idea, right? ❜

❛ Listen, I want to be clear, huh? I am not Batman. ❜

❛ Any feelings of reverence or respect that you had for me when you crossed my threshold, buttress those feelings now. ❜

❛ Yeah, I’m trying real hard to buttress, but this sounds nuts. ❜

❛ Is this safe? ❜

❛ I shouldn’t be here. This is nuts. But I’m here. So let’s do this. ❜

❛ The reality-distortion field ends here. I can’t let you do this. ❜

❛ Look me in the eye! You know it’s a lie! ❜

❛ You must be really great at Clue, huh? ❜

❛ I’m very bad at dumb things. My Achilles’ heel. ❜

❛ This is your last chance to back out. ❜

❛ I think it’s really shitty what they all did to you. ❜

❛ I sold my soul for this. ❜

❛ I thought you said you didn’t drink? ❜

❛ That’s hard kombucha. That’s Jared Leto’s hard kombucha. ❜

❛ We’re running out of time! ❜

❛ Please. Think of the danger here. You gotta step back and let me handle this. ❜

❛ I never email anything that I wouldn’t want to see on the front page of The Times. ❜

❛ I think maybe you should take up drinking. You’re just killing it. ❜

❛ Something is just teasing the edge of my brain. ❜

❛ Oh, if I ever meet Jared Leto, I’m gonna whoop his kombucha-brewing ass. ❜

❛ My therapist says this is a toxic relationship. ❜

❛ We will do what we always do. Deny, half-apologize, and then go silent awhile. ❜

❛ Please tell me you did not think sweatshops are where they make sweatpants. ❜

❛ I will do whatever I have to do to save myself, and he is my only lifeline. ❜

❛ This never happens in Clue. ❜

❛ He’s a son of a bitch. Leave his ass. ❜

❛ I don’t feel sorry for him. He deserved what he got, and you are better off without him. ❜

❛ Please don’t kill me! Oh my God, please don’t kill me! ❜

❛ I’m not trying to kill you, you crazy bitch! ❜

❛ Shitballs! ❜

❛ It hides not behind complexity, but behind mind-numbing obvious clarity. ❜

❛ A veritable minefield of malapropisms and factual errors. ❜

❛ Oh, please. Just tell us who tried to kill me. ❜

❛ Nobody tried to kill you, you vainglorious buffoon. ❜

❛ What is reality?! ❜

❛ Does he keep a vial of poison in his tooth or something? Is that a rich person thing? ❜

❛ Oh, it’s so dumb, it’s brilliant. ❜

❛ No! It’s just dumb! ❜

❛ You dim-witted, brainless jackass! ❜

❛ Your one murder, with any panache at all, and you stole the whole idea from me. ❜

❛ Wow! We got some big accusations flying around here. ❜

❛ You need evidence, and you’ve got nothing. ❜

❛ Anywhere you go, it’s going to be your word against mine. How do you think that’s gonna go? ❜

❛ There’s nothing I can do. Except maybe offer you some courage. ❜

❛ I hope your little bitch tantrum gave you closure ’cause it accomplished nothing! ❜

❛ You’re ruined. ❜

❛ Did you get the son of a bitch? ❜

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

So SPOILERS FOR GLASS ONION but man I gotta say...

I love that I knew before we even knew that Andi had been killed before the film that Miles was the murderer. You know how?

I saw Miles do a lift when he and Duke hugged.

I saw him lift Duke's gun. Which meant he shot Andi on the island, which meant, eventually, that he was the one who knew Andi should've been dead.

But y'all, not only did that not ruin the rest of the movie for me (I didn't know a lot of other things that hadn't been revealed yet, and it's a very good film anyway) but like. It made me feel SMART. It made me eager to see the outcome where I was RIGHT.

The fact that they filmed it in such a way where I could spot the lift is amazing, because so many films would've just filmed that scene normally and then filmed a close-up of the lift later for the reveal. But no. Edward Norton went through the motions of one hand grabbing something and then surreptitiously tucking it into the back of his pants, right there the first time around.

It's there to be seen. I saw it. And it didn't harm my enjoyment of the subsequent reveals at ALL.

[moose-posts]

my absolutely spoiler-filled thoughts on Glass Onion are:

1. Benoit Blanc is the gayest detective I have ever seen and I am in love with him (Phillip is his husband and I am in love with him too)

2. When it was revealed how Miles had access to Duke’s gun all I could do was laugh at this very literal meaning of Chekhov’s Gun (Johnson really Hansel and Gretled the shit out of this movie)

3. We love an old white gay using his privilege to help women of colour destroy oppressive systems and get revenge (his outfits…I just-)

4. The reveal of background info in the middle of the movie was so damn satisfying to watch (and Chekhov’s Hot Sauce to fake Helen’s death)

5. I need about 3 more of these, two being a spring and winter setting as others have rightfully suggested and one prequel where we get Benoit and Phillip’s romance which just so happens to take place as Blanc is solving a crime (because of course he is)

Thank you for your attention

[themultifandomgal]

Shelby Sister- Grace

This was requested on Wattpad

Being a Shelby has its perks. People move out of the way in the streets, I get things for free. However, I don't get to date, I'm whispered about, but I couldn't care less. Tommy and I are the closest out of all our siblings, but I guess being twins will do that. We do everything together, always have. That was until 'she' came along. Grace. They had a one night stand and now they're married. There's something about her that I do not like. It's like she's getting in between me and my brother. Tonight Tommy is holding a banquet. I have such a bad feeling, maybe it's because Grace will be there.

I finish getting ready and Isaiah escorts me to the hall where said banquet is being held at

"Glass of champagne Miss Shelby"

"Thank you" I take a glass from the tray and walk towards my brother and his new wife

"Tommy" I greet kissing his cheek

"YN"

"Grace" I cross my arms as Tommy rolls his eyes

"Come on its been 2 years. YN, Grace is my wife"

"That doesn't mean I trust her. Tom are you forgetting that this woman betrayed your trust, broke your heart and then suddenly after a one night stand found out she was pregnant. Convenient don't you think?"

"YN that's enough"

"I said I was sorry for what I did"

"Whatever. I'm going to get drunk, dance with a few guys and then go to bed" Tommy clear his throat "on my own of course. But Tom one day I would like to get married, just so you know"

"And I will find you a decent man when your ready" I'm the one now that rolls their eyes. Before I can turn I hear a gun shot ring

"YN? YN please tell me your ok" Tommy is quick to my side

"Yeah I'm fine" I turn around and see blood coming from Grace

"Shit. Grace" Tom is quick to catch her before she hits the ground. He applies pressure on her wound, I place my fingers on her neck buts she's gone.

That was a year ago. Tommy misses Grace dearly, he has her hung up in his study. I'm the one who now looks after Charlie, their son

"Auntie YN?"

"Hmm?" I turn around to see my nephew holding his stuffed bear

"When will daddy play with me?"

"He's a busy man I'm afraid, but I can play if you want?"

"No. It's ok. I just wanted daddy" the little man walks off upset for the 5th time this week and it's on Tuesday. Getting fed up with his behaviour, I make my way to his office, not bothering in knock I just walk in

"What?" I place my hands on my hips and raise my eyebrow

"Don't 'what?' me"

"YN I'm busy I haven't got time for this"

"Your busy? when are you not busy? Tommy you have a son"

"I do know"

"Do you?" I throw my hands in the air "because it looks like I have a child and you don't"

"What are you on about YN? I told you I was busy"

"To busy to spend time with your son?"

"Unfortunately yes" he sighs

"Tom I am taking care of your child. I'm not his mum"

"Don't you think I know that!" he shouts banging his hands on his desk "his mum died in my arms, because of who I am. Someone. Shot her"

"Tommy I was there. I was the one who dragged you away. I might not have been her favourite person and vis versa, but I felt your pain. You lost your wife that day but Charlie lost his mum and dad. The thing is though he didn't have to lose his dad. So you can either hide away in here or come and have lunch with your son. Your choice" and with that I leave the his office.

I place some soup and bread in front of Charlie

"Is dad having soup with us?" before I can respond Tommy walks into the room

"He is, if that's ok with you?"

"Dad! Come sit here!" Charlie pats the place next to him. Tommy pulls out the chair and sits down

"Soup?"

"No..." I give him a look "sure"

"Me and auntie YN made it with potatoes and carrots and onion" Charlie then gasps "maybe you could make it with us next time"

"Maybe I can" I place the soup in front of Tommy and give him a smile

"I'd like that. I think auntie YN would like that as well. I think she misses you"

"I've miss you guys as well" Tommy ruffles Charlie's hair.

[bi-bats]

TRICK OR TREAT !!!!!!!!!!! =D

!! HAPPY HALLOWEEENNNNNNN LEOOOOOOOO

I can't NOT give you a jaytimkon snippet for Halloween. I know what you're looking for in the candy bowl 😂 SOOOOO here's the beginning of the next chapter of Bad Days!! I really want to get it posted soon but I have to write smut for it and that always takes me forever to do 😂😂😂

Anyways, I won't delay any longer, here's your treat!!

~ ✨ ~

Kon hovers an inch above the fire escape, hesitating. He’s already been here for three minutes, trying to work up the nerve to knock. 

But he’s just being a bother, isn’t he? Jason doesn’t want him here. He’s fine with having him around sometimes, sure, but Tim is always there. 

It’s Jason and Tim, and Kon. 

Just because they get along, had like, one actual real conversation and they all took a nap on his couch? That doesn’t mean that he wants to let Kon mope around his apartment.

Even though Kon kinda wants to see him.

He should leave. It’s ridiculously late anyways, so ridiculously late that it’s actually ridiculously early, and Jason’s probably falling asleep, probably has his mouth hanging just a tiny bit open and his head nuzzled into his pillow the way he nuzzled into Kon and his heart does a soft little squeeze in his chest and why is he still here he’s just been floating out here like an idiot he needs to leave—

The blinds on the other end of the window he’s staring at pull up, and Jason looks at him through the glass, unnaturally bright green eyes dancing with something amused. 

Jason’s thick, calloused fingers pop the lock on the window and slide it open, and Kon’s stomach goes tight.

“You gonna hang out there until the sun comes up?” 

A smirk begins to crawl across Jason’s lips as he leans his palms on the windowsill.

Kon feels his face go warm as his eyes drop down at the fire escape. He floats down far enough to toe at the metal, rubbing at his arm.

“Nah, man, sorry. I was just— looking for Tim, but he’s not here, so. Yeah, it’s cool, I’ll see you—”

“Kon.”

Kon’s eyes flicker up and snag on the frown on Jason’s lips. 

“You’ve been out here for the last five minutes. You okay?”

Kon opens his mouth to say Yeah, dude, I’m fine, don’t sweat it, I’ll see you later, but nothing makes it out. He ends up just sort of floating there, saying nothing, for a solid five seconds before he clamps his mouth shut. 

Then he floats up a few feet, ready to just fly off because seriously, what the fuck is he doing there? 

And then Jason’s hand wraps around his ankle, warm and steady. 

“Come inside,” he says, his tone a low, steady rumble. 

Kon hesitates, letting Jason hold him there, before he gives in to the lull of the request. 

“Okay,” he says, and his voice is quiet and contained in a way he tries not to be in front of anyone.

Jason doesn’t release him, holding his leg like the string of a balloon as he tugs him into the apartment. 

He only lets go to close the window, and Kon lets himself float down until he’s hovering just above the ground, not quite putting his feet down. 

The apartment is clean except for a few guns on the counter and some dishes in the sink. The couch is laid out into the futon, the blanket they all slept under draped across it like Jason was sitting there the whole time Kon was outside, a book open and face down next to the slightly sunken spot. 

It smells like the lemon cleaning spray that Alfred uses at the manor, and soy sauce and onions and pork from whatever Jason has on the stove, and the scent of the cologne Jason uses, warm and sweet and spicy, and at the bottom of all of it, it smells like Jason himself, that warm human smell that Kon doesn’t realize he’s looking for until he finds it.

“What are you doing up?” Jason asks, walking to the sink and turning on the tap.

“What are you doing up?” Kon asks back, still hovering in the space between Jason’s couch and the little wooden dining table he has set up in the corner.

The question didn’t come out as confrontationally as he thinks it does, but he still blushes. 

God, what’s wrong with him?

“Sorry, I’m — that was rude.” Kon shifts his weight from one foot to the other in the air.

Jason gives him a shrug. “S’alright, I get it. Bad day?”

“Yeah,” Kon mumbles.

Somehow, the look that Jason turns and gives him makes him feel even more self-conscious than he already does.

“Dads, huh?” Jason asks, raising an eyebrow.

Kon clenches his jaw a little, so he doesn’t scowl. 

“You hungry?” Jason asks. 

Kon’s jaw loosens. 

First, the answer to that question has never been no, and the smell of sweet and salty Asian barbecue pork isn’t making him less hungry. 

But also, he thought Jason was going to ask what happened, and then he’d have to explain when he doesn’t even really have a right to be upset.

“Yeah, I could eat.”

Jason nods and turns, shutting the tap and silencing the rush of water before he grabs a dishtowel and wipes his hands. 

He glances back at Kon, then drops his eyes to the inch of space between his feet and the ground. Jason grins a little, something amused glittering in the bright green of his eyes.

“The floor isn’t lava, you know.”

Kon hesitates for a moment before lowering down slowly, letting his feet graze the floor. 

“Take a seat, I’ll grab a couple of plates.”

Kon walks to the couch, touching his feet to the hardwood on every step without allowing the ground to bear his weight. He lets himself settle on the couch where Jason was sitting so he can watch him move around the kitchen. A rush of steam plumes out of the steamer basket when he opens the lid, his feet make soft noises as his socks pad against the wood.

He tucks his knees up a little, not quite all the way against his chest, but enough to make room for Jason to sit down across from him. 

Jason places the steamer basket on the couch and hands Kon a plate, then drops three buns on it. 

“If I’d known you were coming I would’ve made some classic comfort food.” 

Kon snorts humorlessly, picking up a bun. It’s a little bouncy under his fingers, and he already knows it’s going to be fluffy and delicious before he even bites into it. 

He doesn’t think he wants to eat anything that reminds him of Ma’s kitchen right now anyways.

“Don’t sweat it, I’m already interrupting your—morning,” Kon decides after a glance at the clock on the stove.

“I wasn’t busy,” Jason says, tearing off a chunk of the bun in his hands to let the inside cool. Steam pours out of it in a puff, carrying the smell of the spices.

“Thanks,” Kon says, biting into his bun without waiting. He was right, it’s fucking delicious. The pork is moist and tender and the dough didn’t get soggy at all, and he makes a pleased noise as he rolls it over his tongue. 

“That’s a nice benefit of your genes, huh?” Jason says, blowing on his food and eyeing Kon’s lips.

Kon shrugs. He doesn’t really want to think about his genetics right now. 

“So, where do I aim?” Jason asks. 

Kon’s eyebrows furrow as he tilts his head at Jason.

“Shoulder? Head? I can steal some kryptonite bullets from B in the morning.”

Kon pauses chewing for a second, looking at the amusement in Jason’s eyes before he swallows his food. 

“Are you giving me the Clark is an Asshole special?”

Jason grins, crooked and wide and a little dangerous, and Kon’s stomach does a flip.