#Gimme platonic seven or I will do it myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

billyhardgrove · 5 years ago

Note

4 and 76 w/ billy ?

4: “I’m too sober for this.”

76: “Please put your penis away.”

Enjoy xx (Also thanks for over 1000 followers!!)

It all started with the keg stand, then the beer pong, then the body shots, then the keg stand again, and again, and again. Billy was fucking drunk. No, scratch that. Billy was fucking smashed, hammered, well-and-truly-fucked. And just the thought of being the one responsible for him tonight almost led you to the half full tequila bottle tempting you to drink in order to make the process easier. But you couldn’t really afford both of you being wasted that night.

“Billy, c’mon, we’ve gotta go.” You tugged on his arm trying to get his attention. He was in the middle of sticking his tongue down some girl’s throat and you really didn’t want to interrupt, but you knew that if you didn’t interrupt now then that would lead Billy to take the girl upstairs and you wouldn’t be able to leave the party for another hour.

Pulling back from the girl, he glared at you and how you were cockblocking him. “Just gimme twenty more minutes.” He told you, smirking back to the girl suggestively before making the move of leaning in again, but you stopped him.

“No, Billy, let’s go now.” You insisted, pulling him away from the girl again. You were doing this for his sake anyway. “It’s late and you were supposed to be home over two hours ago. Your dad will have your neck if you’re late again-“

“Fuck my dad.” He slurred, partially rolling his eyes but you couldn’t be sure because he was so drunk. Once again returning his attention to the girl, you weren’t going to let him make this worse. So you did what you had to do.

Grabbing a hold of his ear as if he were a child, you tugged him away finally, leading him through the house and toward the front door.

“Ok, ok, ok.” Billy whined, stumbling as he tried to keep up with you. “I can walk on my fucking own.” He grunted as you released his ear and tried to hold him upright. “That really fucking hurt.” He added, rubbing childishly at his ear while giving you a death glare but you merely rolled your eyes at him.

The pair of you walked over to where his Camaro was parked, Billy tripping over air a couple of times in that distance, before you opened the passenger side for him. He just stared at you as if you had two heads.

“Gimme your keys.” You told him, holding your hand out for them.

“What?” He snorted in disbelief. “I’m not giving you my fucking keys, I can drive myself.”

“Billy, you can’t even see how many fingers I’m holding up right now never mind drive.” You scolded him, while lifting up your middle finger to him as he squinted at your hand.

“Yes, I can. Uh, twenty-seven?” He asked before clocking on to what he said and giggling giddily at his own words.

You couldn’t fight the smile on your lips as he grinned to the ground at himself. You couldn’t lie, drunk Billy – especially this drunk Billy – was your favourite to be around. All child-like and happy, you didn’t mind it. It was when he decided to be an aggressive, violent drunk that he was a pain to handle, especially when he decided to start a fight with anyone that walked in front of him.

Here was the thing; Billy and you were friends, just friends. You never dated, never kissed, never slept together, much to the whole school’s surprise. Everyone was certain you guys just fucked when you hung out when really you did everything but. Your relationship just wasn’t like that (no matter how much you perhaps wanted it to be different). Billy enjoyed making his way through the girls of Hawkins and you just watched idly from the side lines at how every girl acted the exact same way around him; giggly, desperate and overly-seductive. And each one always grew angry when Billy would end it after they fucked because they truly thought they were the one to ‘change’ bad-boy Billy. You couldn’t lie, you did feel bad for most of them but sometimes it was satisfying to see some of the bitchiest and nastiest girls grow annoyed at him for treating them the same as every other girl. But never were you treated like that. No, you were the only exception.

Walking towards the boy, you hoked around in his jeans pockets trying to retrieve his car keys.

“Oh, y/n, I didn’t think you felt that way about me.” He taunted, poking fun at how close your hands were to his junk even though you were just reaching into his pocket.

“Oh, good God – I’m too sober for this.” You groaned, finally finding the goddamn keys before helping Billy into the passenger seat. Aiding him in putting on his seat belt, you quickly made your way to the driver’s side, trying to make this trip back to Billy’s as quick and easy as possible.

“Don’t you dare fucking crash my car.” Billy slurred, drunkenly pointing his finger to you.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

The drive back was bearable. Billy mostly stayed in his seat, sometimes air-guitaring to a song that wasn’t even playing and sometimes just drumming his hands on the dashboard. You would have to say it was probably one of the fewer tolerable rides you’d had with the drunk boy.

Finally pulling into his driveway, you switched off the car engine before glancing to the house where it didn’t appear to have any lights on. You took that as a good sign at least for that would mean you wouldn’t have to encounter a furious Neil. You couldn’t begin to imagine what he would be like to Billy if he caught him stumbling through the house way later than they had agreed and fucked up beyond all repair. You would’ve hoped that you being there would’ve tamed the man, but part of you wouldn’t put it past Neil Hargrove to let all fury rip at Billy, even with an audience. But thank God, it looked like you wouldn’t have to worry about that tonight.

Helping Billy out of the car, you practically carried the guy through the front door as quietly as possible. Dragging him through the hallway, you made it to his bedroom, closing the door ever so gently after you. Finally, you were in the clear.

Dropping the him face first onto his bed, Billy groaned at you. “M’ jerms.”

“Huh?” You questioned, not understanding as his words were muffled against his mattress.

Lifting his head ever so slightly, he repeated. “My jeans.”

“Are you serious?” You asked. Was he really too drunk to pull off his own jeans?

“My jeans.” He repeated once more.

Sighing at him, you groaned. “Fine.”

You tugged the boy to sit upright to make it easier for you before finally you helped Billy remove his jeans as well as his t shirt. Lord knew they would be uncomfortable to sleep in, especially since his jeans were so tight.

But it was just as your back was to the boy as you folded up his jeans and placed them on his desk that he had a surprise waiting for you when you turned back around.

“Oh Jesus, Billy. Please put your penis away.” You gasped, holding your hands up in front of you face to block the sight you weren’t prepared for.

“But I sleep naked.” He whined, his boxer briefs stopped at his knees and you half expected him to stomp his foot in defiance.

“Well, I think just for tonight you can make an exception.” You told him before he finally decided to pull his underwear back up. Turning to climb back into his bed, you told him you would be back in a second before wandering to the kitchen and grabbing a glass of water and some aspirin. You hoped he had the worst hangover in the morning, especially after putting you through all this.

Walking back into his bedroom, you left the glass and tablets on his bedside cabinet before sitting yourself on the edge of his bed. Billy’s eyes were closed, his hair was in disarray upon his head and his mouth was slightly parted as he breathed deeply.

Reaching to brush a bit of his hair out of his face, you couldn’t help but smile at how peaceful he looked. Nine times out of ten, Billy’s face held a stiff frown or a knowing smirk, but right now he looked perfectly at peace. It was refreshing to see.

Pulling back your hand, you made the motion to get up from your bed, about to leave when Billy grumbled. “’ love you, y/n.”

You weren’t sure if he was awake, if he knew what he was saying, if he meant what he was saying, if it was meant in a platonic way, and perhaps that’s why you thought your heart had stopped altogether. You and Billy never told each other that you loved each other. It just wasn’t something you did.

“I mean it.” Billy then spoke again, one of his eyes peeking open to look at you. “I really just think that you’re the best girl in the world and that you’re too good to be my friend but I’m grateful that you are and I honestly think I’m going to marry you someday because you’re the only person that tolerates my bullshit and actually cares about me and I care about you a lot and you make living in this place ok and I just don’t want to ever lose you.” He rambled drunkenly and it was very clear that he wasn’t really paying attention to what he was saying.

“Alright Billy.” You grinned down at him, giggling softly at how much word vomit just came out of his mouth there. You gently rubbed your hand up and down his arm, taking his words with a pinch of salt.

“You’re laughing but I really think I am going to marry you.” He spoke, and there seemed to be an annoyed tone to his words and how you didn’t take him seriously, even though you could hardly take it as truth. “Will you marry me, y/n?” He asked innocently, his eyes now closed again as he rested but you could tell he was still awaiting your response.

“I uh…” You stared at the boy, a little baffled at the whole ridiculous conversation you were having. “Sure, Billy. I’ll marry you someday.” You told him, mainly just to shut him up and keep him satisfied more than anything, but maybe a part of you grew excited at the thought of you and Billy being something more than friends. But the realistic part of you knew that this was all just the alcohol spitting nonsense and that the blonde boy wouldn’t remember this in the morning.

And sure enough, when you teasingly brought it up to him the next day, prepared to mock him about it until the new year, he said he didn’t remember it. “I just remember that brunette at the party that you stopped me from fucking, anything after that is just a blur.” He had said. You couldn’t lie, you were a little disappointed but you surely expected it. It was silly to think he’d remember, especially with the amount he had to drink.

But little did you know, Billy was lying; he remembered everything from that night, and he still – even sober – thought it to be true.

#this is a lil rushed sorry #but it came out ridiculously long lol #i'm really not getting this whole 'drabble' thing #billy hargrove writing #Billy Hargrove #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove imagine #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things writing #dacre montgomery #dacre montgomery imagine #dacre montgomery writing

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pandawritesmanythings · 5 years ago

Text

Halfrid // Part 4

Platonic!Loki x Teen!Reader

Summary: Your life has always been dictated by the fact that you are smarter than most adults. This has made you antagonize many of them, it isn’t your fault that you are just citing facts! However, when the god of mischief becomes your friend, are there enough facts you can cite to prove his innocence?

Warnings: Censored Curse Words, dude being an entitled jerk (not Loki), Angst, Panic attack, bad writing.

Word Count: +4000K

A/N: Thank you so much for the support guys, just a heads up, some things in this chapter may not make sense now, but they will later. I don’t curse, personally, but it was important to have a catalyst in this chapter, that’s why I censored them. Leave feedback, I highly appreciate it!

TAG LIST IS OPEN!!!

PRESENT TIME

“I wish we could have met at a better time. I honestly do.” Fury had returned to the room and you had told him a short version as to why you started to investigate Loki.

“Why do you say that all of a sudden?” You asked, slightly confused.

“You see, I don’t find this kind of fire or passion in agents anymore. If we get out of this, and you are still around, come find me when you are 17, maybe I can find you an internship somewhere you can use your talents.”

He was sincere, you could see it in his eyes… Eye.

“Well, you might be the first. But thank you.”

He cleared his throat, the rumbling above had ceased a bit, according to Fury because the ground above had become a literal war zone. Military aiding the hero’s battle. The enemy ceased fire, but they were sure to resume it at any moment.

“So when was the next time you met the god of mischief?”

You almost giggled. “Ah. That was about six months after. I wish it had been under better circumstances. But the fact that our paths crossed again, is surprising in itself.”

NEW YORK 2015

Both you and Ashley leaned over to be able to look at your crush for a distance.

“We are not staring okay?” “Yeah, we totally aren’t.” You told each other.

You huffed and closed your locker with a thud, slinging your backpack over your shoulder.

“I’m not doing it.” You finalized.

“Aw, come on! Be a little courageous!”

“Being courageous is to know your mom may find out that you have been researching Loki for 6 months and still risking it by logging onto, probably, illegal websites and the dark web.”

“Soooooo, she doesn’t check your history anymore?” Ashley mused.

“Not manually, and I may have hacked into her phone so, I have that going for me.” You walked towards the exit, other middle schoolers filing after you.

“Still, if you just go and talk to him-” “Are you CRAZY?” “Don’t interrupt me. If you just ask him to walk you home, maybe then you could at least ask him out!”

“Not all of us have been able to have seven boyfriends on their 12-year life span.” You cocked an eyebrow.

“Oh, come on! I still haven’t kissed anyone. I’m waiting ‘till I’m thirteen!” She chirped.

“Why thirteen?”

“It’s supposed to be the unlucky number, right? That way I can pass my bad luck to whatever jerk deserves it!” She seemed too proud of herself.

“You are a jerk.”

She flipped her hair. “Wow. Thanks!”

You both giggled. Through the months you had learned to read her bull, call her out on it, and she had pushed you to try new things. It was a mutual relationship, she knew where your limits were and vice versa. Yet, in a way, you seemed to balance each other out.

“Anyway. Not all of us have your confidence, Ashley.”

“Well, if you don’t do it, I will.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” You gasped.

“Wanna bet?” She playfully glared at you, and you glared back.

Suddenly she made a run for it, dashing towards the exit where your crush was hanging with his friends. “Malcolm! Hey, Malcolm!”

“ASHLEY FOR THE LOVE OF G O D!”

Your crush turned around as you tackled Ashley onto the ground.

“Hey! You guys okay?”

You froze when you heard his voice. Oh, you were so sure your smile looked like a weird grimace.

“N-Nothing. It’s just someone was about to do a stupid.” You said as you got up and brushed off imaginary dust.

“A stupid?” He asked amusement in his voice.

“Is my constant state of being.” Ashley chirped.

Malcolm, your crush, raised an eyebrow in amusement. Another guy behind him chuckled.

“Well, I think we are all in a pretty similar state.” He smiled looking at his friends.

“You mean, you Malcolm.” The guy behind him called out. “Parker wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Ah, as if you weren’t in that state often Morales.” Malcolm retorted. You knew he was joking, but there was something in his tone that just…

“Actually, my friend wanted to ask you something.” Ashley pushed me towards him.

“No. I don’t.” I squealed.

“What is it?” He asked with a smug grin.

“Umm… I-I…" STOP STAMMERING BRAIN!!! "I-I was wondering…”

“Yes?”

Ashley was dying inside. You definitely needed to work on your communication skills.

“I-I…” She placed a hand on your shoulder. You took a deep breath. “I don’t know if you r-remember, b-but in… science class? Yeah! Science. We have a project together, and since Ashley is already not coming with me home today… I was wondering if maybe you… Wanted to have a coffee? To… Plan the project out! Of course!”

He had a smug grin on his face, but it softened into a smile and he nodded. “Of course, I would love to accompany this lovely damsel in distress…” He winked at you kissing your hand. You pulled it from him, there was a way that he talked that you had never noticed before. However, since you actually did have a project to do, you ignored it and gave him a smile.

“Alright! Well, I’ll wait for you outside. See ya! Yeah… Okay.”

You fled down the stairs and waited patiently for Malcolm to come by so you could start talking. However, you were unaware of the conversation that was going on back there. But Ashley wasn’t. She hid nearby, where she could hear the aftermath of your petition without the boys finding her spying on them.

“Dude! She is really cute.” Ashley heard Miles say.

“And nice, I have Spanish with her and she is always very proper and quick about her speaking. She is really cool.” Peter added.

“I don’t know. See, physically, she isn’t my cup of tea. Yeah?” Malcolm interrupted.

“But, you do know there is more to her than how she looks, right?” Miles questioned, worry in his voice. This was starting to unnerve Ashley. Few boys had ever made her feel a chill go down her spine like this guy. He looked pretty nice on the outside but in private… He didn’t seem that nice.

“Bah, I’ll see. I do have to do the project, so let’s see if she is any good.” He said as he walked out the doors. “And, remember I’m waiting for that science report.”

Ashley had heard enough. She was not gonna let this idiot take you home by any means. She dashed as quickly as she could down the stairs, near where you were furiously typing something on your phone.

“Hey! (Y/N)!”

“Gimme a second Ash, I can’t let myself forget this.” You typed a little more and then turned off your phone. “I suddenly got an idea for a new argument for my essay. I think I almost have the intro down, but I need the first transition and-” Ashley quickly pulled you aside, interrupting you. “H-Hey!”

“Sorry, but I don’t have much time. I don’t think you should go home with Malcolm.” She tried to warn you.

“What? Why?”

“I don’t think he is who he makes out to be.” She continued. “I think he is only going to take advantage of you!”

There was something deep inside you that had been telling you the same thing. But you wanted to believe otherwise.

“Alright, I’ll be careful Ash. Thank you for telling me.” You smiled.

“But… I don’t think you should be around him, I heard him back there, he-”

You interrupted her back. “I know you mean well. But I don’t want to live life thinking the worst of everyone. If he steps out of line, I’ll kick him straight in the groin.”

Ashley let out a nervous breathy laugh. “Just… Be careful, I don’t want you getting hurt-”

“Hey!” A male voice sounded behind you. “Ready to go home, princess?” Malcolm asked taking your hand and placing a kiss to it as he did before. Again, you pulled away. For some reason, that gesture unnerved you.

“Yeah…” You smiled awkwardly. “I’ll call you when I get home, okay Ash?”

“Yeah… Ok. See you (Y/N)” She said masking her worry with a winning smile and a flick of her hair as she walked away.

“So, lead the way.” The boy signalled for you to start walking and, with a timid smile, you started walking towards a coffee shop near your home.

It wasn’t anything unusual. He cracked a few jokes like he usually did in class. Offered to open the door for you when you got to the coffee shop. And although you bought your own drink, he insisted on getting you a snack.

“You can have whatever you’d like.” He smiled. You tried to reject his offering, but he wouldn’t have any of it. In the end, you just asked for a muffin.

He was actually really good at doing research, quickly flying through loads of information and sending them to you as you typed the essentials into the PowerPoint presentation.

“I just need to make it look pretty, but I’ll do it some other time.” You said while saving the presentation and snapping your computer closed. He did the same and got up, pulling your chair gently from behind you so you would stand up.

“Are you ready to go home, then?”

“Yeah, it’s not that far away from here, so I can go by myself.” You smiled while strapping your backpack.

“I don’t mind, I’ll go with you.” He insisted.

In the back of your mind, Ashley’s warning kept sounding off. But you decided that a little bit longer wouldn’t hurt. He had been very kind to you after all. Why not let him take you home? That sounded really nice.

Together you walked out of the quaint little coffee shop and started heading towards your apartment compound.

“So, I heard you were in the WRITE scholarship!” He smiled.

“Yeah… Wait. Who told you that?” Only your parents and Ashely knew. She wouldn’t have told him about it, right?

“I saw you taking out a paper in class, it had: WRITE ideas! Written in a corner.”

“O-Oh…” You blushed.

“I’m working on it myself. Coming along quite nicely. It’s going to be a short story, but I think I might turn it into something bigger later down the line.”

“If mine does any good, I may publish it. But, I don’t think people would want to read about it.”

“Oh! Really? Why would you say that?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

“It’s just… It may get a little controversial…” You hid your face.

“Ah. I see, one of my friends is also writing about something controversial. I’m not supposed to say, but being anti-gun control sounds pretty controversial to me.” He whispered in your direction mockingly.

You giggled at his tone. “Ah. Well, she has her beliefs. I think as long as she doesn’t try to use her essay to justify violence, it should be okay.”

“Are you anti-gun control?”

“No. I think people’s safety is way more important than things.” You honestly said. “But she can have her opinion. Honestly, that’s why we have superheroes, to protect us. That way people don’t need that many guns.”

“Yeah. I think I stan Stark the most.”

“Oh, and why?”

“Billionaire? The smartest guy on the planet? All the babes? He has everything.”

You cast your gaze to the ground. Your shoes suddenly being more interesting.

“I mean. I think he is cool because he saves people. But he just has everything.” He finished

After what seemed an eternity you arrived at the entrance of your building.

“Thanks… For coming with me.” You muttered.

“Nah, no problem.” He smiled. “By the way, can I come in? I need to pee.”

You didn’t want to. You really didn’t want to. But you found yourself nodding and leading him inside your apartment.

“The bathroom is over there… Just- Quickly, my parents shouldn’t be long.”

He ran inside the bathroom, and you walked into the open kitchen. Getting a cutting board out, you started slicing some carrots and boiling some water to make some chicken and potatoes. Your dad’s favorite dish. You really wanted to surprise him, and in about two hours he would be home.

Okay, yeah. You had lied to Malcolm about your parents being home soon. But he was making you uncomfortable, every time you let your guard down you had felt him invade your personal space, maybe he was just trying to be charming, but you wanted him out of your house, quickly.

And then you felt two hands sneak through your waist.

The handle of your knife made contact with the side of his forehead. The hands released your waist, you turned to see Malcolm stumbling backwards. His hands holding his head as he tried to recover from your hit.

“You b*tch!”

You were left paralyzed.

“Take that back…” You mumbled. The words barely coming out of your mouth.

“What if I don’t? You hit me with the handle of a knife, you b*tch.”

You head went numb. Swirling thoughts repeating over and over your head. Your demons were hunting you again.

“Get out.” You said. But it was numbed. You couldn’t hear yourself. “Get out.” This time he flinched.

Although you felt numb you grabbed his backpack and threw it through your window. Not caring about where it fell.

“Get out.” You kept saying as you pushed him down the hall. His string of curse words only worsening while all you could say was: “Get out.”

You reached the street and you were still saying it. He hadn’t touched you anymore but he was screaming at your face. And suddenly all the noise came back, crushing you.

“GET OUT!!!” You heard yourself scream.

“I’m out already you piece of-” He was interrupted all of a sudden.

“Malcolm. Stop that!” Miles came out of nowhere and pulled him away from you.

“Get out!” Was your voice failing you? You swore your voice sounded hoarse.

Two pairs of hands held you in place. “I’m sorry (Y/N). I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have left you alone with him.” You heard Ashley say near you.

“Hey, she is really cold. Is she okay?” Another male voice sounded behind you.

You shied away from his touch and retreated straight into Ashley. You did your face in her shirt. Finally allowing your voice to rest. But you felt so weak, your legs felt like jelly and your chest hurt. A lot.

“Hey, you’re okay.” She soothed you. “We’re here. We’re going to take care of you.”

Ashley ran her hand through your hair, a gesture that slowly calmed you and allowed you to regain a level of consciousness.

When you felt better, you pushed away from her and gave her a weak thanks. Then turned to see a very worried looking Peter Parker next to you.

“ ’m sorry Pete… I didn’t mean to push ya away…” You said weakly. Your throat barely emitted any sound.

“No, it’s okay. You were upset by whatever Malcolm did, you needed some space.”

You looked around, he was gone. “Wher’ did he go?” You slurred, suddenly feeling your energy drain out of you.

“Miles pushed him away. Don’t worry, he isn’t gonna bother you anymore.”

You highly doubted that.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur. You didn’t remember entering your apartment again. Just the feeling of Ashley running her fingers through your hair, and the worried questions of Peter near you. Mumbles. That was all you could hear. No definitive words, no. Just mumbling going all around you.

When you came back to your senses it was about to be 5:30 pm. Ashley was heading out the door with Peter and Miles, saying goodbye to both of them.

“I’ll see you guys on Monday, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. If she needs anything you have my phone right?”

“Yeah, I got it. Thank you, boys.” She closed the door.

“Ash?”

She whipped around to see you lifting yourself up from the sofa. “Hey… How are you feeling?”

“Like I was hit by a truck.”

She chuckled. “I made you something. I can bring it if you’re hungry.”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“Mom was calling me. I have to go, but if you need anything please let me know.” She started heading out the door. “Love ya girl.”

“I love you too.” You smiled at your friend.

But as soon as she closed the door it vanished from your face. You felt empty. That was something that happened when you got too worked up about something. Mom had told you that it would fade over time, and both of your parents constantly apologized whenever it happened. That’s why you never told them when this happened anymore.

Dad would arrive any minute, so you dragged yourself from the couch and sat in front of your computer to try and squeeze something out of your brain.

Your research for WRITE was good. But the more you looked at it, the more holes you found.

Why did Loki really attack Earth? He had been here before, why hadn’t he done it a year prior?

Was his slip up with Agent Romanoff a mistake? He hadn’t spilt any kind of information before. Not about himself. Not about his plan. Afterwards, he hadn’t even been asked why he’d done it. There was no trace of any comments from him about his actions.

You looked and looked and started breaking apart. This was never going to work. This was stupid. There was no way that anyone would believe your poorly researched essay. There were no official comments on the main perpetrator. And where would you get it?

They were right. All their words. You were useless. Stupid. You would never be enough, why couldn’t you just dissape-?

“CUPCAKE! I’M HOOOOOME!!!”

Ah… Dad…

“Cupcake?” He had opened the door. “How are you, sweetie?”

You turned around, in the darkness he couldn’t see your reddened eyes. “I’m good. Just finishing some homework.”

“That’s my girl. Hey, I gotta head for the night shift, but I’ll see you in the morning.” He headed towards you and kissed you on your forehead.

“I-I didn’t know you had a night shift today…”

“Yeah, I know I’m sorry. They need extra back up to supervise after Ultron’s attack.” His voice was apologetic. “I’m a sorry munchkin. I promise you I’ll here tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry. I know your job is important.” You smiled, even though you felt broken inside.

“Mom also has a night shift, but she couldn’t drop by to say goodnight.” He rolled his eyes. “You sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

“Yeah. I know the drill.”

“Goodnight munchkin.”

“Goodnight dad.”

You were all alone. He left. She didn’t even bother to check on you.

You walked up to your closet and pulled out a corkboard. Where for the last few months you had worked extensively in collecting research to figure out your thesis.

Pictures of security cameras. Documents. Transcriptions of recordings. Some were tied by a red cord. It looked like a detective trying to solve a case. And for a while, that’s what you thought you were. But as you looked through it, you found more wholes. Wherever you looked, the word failure just hammered in your head.

The word he had called you today. That insulting and disgusting word.

In your anger, you grabbed the board and knocked it over. Papers flew across the room. Strewn all around.

Sobs then proceeded to rack your body. There was no way you could do this. Who would listen to a 12-year-old anyways?

THE NEXT DAY

Neither of your parents arrived home in the morning.

New York seemed to match your mood since it was raining. It was definitely a lazy Saturday, so you decided to text Ashley that you were feeling better and that you’d see her on Monday. Then afterwards, you walked out, with your coat on and some money to spend it all in whatever you were craving for breakfast that day.

You usually didn’t ask for much, so your parents were never angry at you when you spent just a little bit more for yourself.

Is not like you were going to order a bunch of expensive items. But you just went wherever your stomach led you.

You ended up in a bustling part of the city. Despite the rain, people walked by in a hassle. You approached a food car that had a small roof to protect yourself from the light rain that fell upon New York.

“Hey, there sweetie. What would you like today?” The owner of the truck asked you kindly.

You looked at the menu, the variety of options overwhelming you. “Well… What do you recommend?”

“Ah! I think the best food to have in weather like this, is the Chocolate waffle delight. With some hot cocoa? The perfect comfort food, missy.”

“Then I’ll try it.” You smiled at him. Did you really look that bad?

After paying you still stood under the roof as the rain lightened, turning into a drizzle. The waffle was honestly really good. It was crunchy outside, but soft inside. The chocolate dripping everywhere and the sugar topping it. The hot cocoa was good too, but you preferred your dad’s. It was creamier.

As you finished your breakfast you dedicated yourself to look around at the people who walked by. Couples walked arm in arm. Families held the children’s hands. People who walked on their own, seemed to go faster. All of them had somewhere to go.

But you, today, on a Saturday like this. Had nothing to do and nowhere to go. Wasn’t that just pathetic?

If the thing with Malcolm hadn’t happened you would probably be working around those holes for your scholarship. But you didn’t feel like writing anymore. There was no motivation coursing through you like it normally did.

So you just stared.

And stared.

And stare- Wait, what?

A single person in the street stood out to you. What was he wearing?

You threw away the paper wrapper and cup of cocoa and said a hasty thank you and goodbye to the truck owner.

He was standing on the sidewalk, waiting for the crossing sign to change. And he stood out like a crown in a sea of parrots. Because yeah, New Yorkers are weird, but not that weird. Who wears a three-piece, all black, suit anyway?

You speed-walked through your pedestrian crossing, walking towards him.

It can’t be. They took him back to Asgard. They would arrest him if he ever set foot back on earth. It can’t be him.

You racked your mind for an explanation, but the place where he had just walked out of sent you into a new form of confusion. Why would he be in an elder’s home?

You finally caught up to the man. However, an inner panic overtook you so you just stood awkwardly by his side, waiting for the pedestrian light to change.

Look towards me. Come on. Notice me. You hoped since you were definitely not just going to start a conversation with an unidentified criminal. No. That would be irresponsible of you.

You bounced on the ball of your feet and when the light changed, you followed him as inconspicuously as you could.

After a minute or two of quietly following him, you just thought that maybe you were following the wrong guy. Maybe your sight failed you. There was no way this was him. I mean, he would have the FBI, the CIA, the army and the Avengers on top of him just by setting foot on earth. Yeah, you just-

“Why are you following me?”

Oh no. It’s definitely him.

“Uh-Uh, excuse me?” You tried playing dumb.

He didn’t turn around, nor he stopped. So you didn’t either.

“You have been following me for some time. Please go, I’m not friendly with kids.” He dismissively stated.

“Wow. I guess I’m just some kid. I thought I wasn’t that forgettable.” You smirked, wondering if that would steer his brain.

He only stopped when the next pedestrian light turned red.

Still not looking at you, but with a furrowed brow, he asked: “Do I know you?”

“Yep. I guess I am pretty forgettable.” You shrugged, not meeting his side looks. “I guess sneaking past the security of the highest security vehicle in the world is quite dumb.”

Is he catching on? Am I pulling this off? Or do I just look like an idiot?

It took him a second of silence and starting to cross the street to suddenly whip around in the middle of the crossing and give you a look.

“You’re my cell buffoon.” He smirked.

You gasped, feigning hurt. “Excuse Y O U. I’ll let you know that I am so much more than "entertaining”.“

You both stood there, in the middle of the street, staring at each other for a while.

"Well, this will be interesting then…” The smirk on his face told you one thing. This was just starting.

#loki #loki x reader #loki angst #loki fluff #halfrid #platonic!reader #teen!reader #loki odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Friggason

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pennamepersona · 5 years ago

Text

Where's the Logic in Giving Up Love and Morals When You Don't Want a New Job, Anyway

-All appropriate tags available on the ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15346800 -

“And of course, we’ll need you to terminate your professional association with Deadpool,” The agent says, and Peter’s head snaps up to look at them, not even pretending to scan the contract in front of him any longer.

“Come again?” Peter asks, making no effort to mask his irritation.

“Deadpool is not an acceptable individual for a SHIELD employee to be known to associate with,” The agent says, sounding surprised that Peter is finally saying something. “His methods are not condoned by the agency.”

Peter just stares in disbelief for a long moment.

“You are aware that SHIELD has assassins on staff, right?” He asks. “Like, assassins plural. As in more than one.”

“The less commonly accepted methods that SHIELD has employed are not public knowledge.” The agent says. “Deadpool’s methods are very well-known and generally frowned upon.”

Peter takes a deep breath and leans his forehead on one hand.

“You’re all such awful hypocrites,” He says, exhausted and upset down to his bones, but unwilling to lash out in an enclosed room with only a SHIELD agent and himself inside. He doesn’t trust SHIELD at all, has stayed away from any and all of their offers for as long as he could, but came to this interview anyway, if only to get them off his back.

He never intended to actually sign on as a - what was the title again? something like, “exclusive super-powered freelance agent through the Avenger’s initiate” - but figured there was no better way to get them to stop asking than to hear them out and summarily reject them.

Now he’s wondering if it was really worth it.

“I understand that your relationship with Deadpool will likely continue regardless,” The agent says, smoothly, and Peter wishes they’d stop talking because he really, really wants to punch them, and that seems unwise right now. “We only ask that it remain out of the public eye.”

“Yeah, fuck that,” Peter says, standing up and walking over to the door, hoping that it’ll open for him without fuss. “I already wasn’t interested in the job, but if you’re going to keep up with this shitty double standard for Wade, you can consider me completely off SHIELD’s contact list for good.”

“Spider-man, please,” The agent says, a touch of concern in their voice now. “We ask that you reconsider. The good that you’d be able to do if you joined - ”

“I do plenty of good now.” Peter says, turning back to glare coldly at the agent, who actually flinches slightly. Coward. “A lot of it thanks to Deadpool’s help. Now, are you going to let me out, or do I have to call for help?”

The agent gulps, pressing a button under their desk, and the door swings open. Peter marches out of it without a backward glance, practically running through the building to the nearest window, which he jumps out of almost on instinct, shooting out a strand of web to catch himself, immediately swinging to the next building, and then the building beyond, until he lands on the roof of Wade’s apartment complex.

He goes down the fire escape, skipping every other step, sliding easily through the window to Wade’s living room once he reaches it.

“Wade,” He calls, yanking off his mask and taking a deep breath of non-filtered air. “I’m back, where are you?”

“Bedroom, Peter-man,” Wade calls back, and just at the sound of his voice, Peter feels some of the tension bleed out of him. He goes into Wade’s bedroom, almost entirely packed into boxes that will soon be taken to their new apartment. The little thrill that Peter always gets at the thought of them finally moving in together still comes, and though it doesn’t lift his spirits entirely, it goes a fair way to improving his mood.

“How was the job interview?” Wade asks, half-laughing as he tosses shirts haphazardly into a box. Peter pulls them out and starts folding them, then replacing them carefully into the box, smiling as he sees that about a third of them are either shirts he’s left here or Wade stole from him ages ago.

“Awful,” Peter says, honestly. “I already wasn’t interested in the job, but then they said if I took it, I couldn’t associate with you as Spider-Man anymore.”

“Whaaaaaaat?” Wade says, drawing out the word into a half-whine. “But I’ve been cleaning up my act! Seventy-five percent less unnecessary violence, Peter, and sixty percent less killing overall, and them’s good numbers! I’d like to see SHIELD pull out those kinds of results from their butt murderers.”

“Assassins,” Peter corrects, absently. “And yeah, I know. I told them they were being hypocrites, and that if they kept it up, Spider-Man wasn’t going to respond to any of their calls, anymore. Scared the agent pretty good, too, so hopefully it sticks.”

“Aw, spidey, you do care,” Wade says, putting a hand to his face and striking a ridiculous pose straight out of a bad anime. Peter half expects Wade to call him “senpai” next.

“Dude, we’re literally moving in together,” He says, laughing. “If I didn’t care, I sure wouldn’t be subjecting myself to your messy ass twenty-four seven.”

“Love you too, pumpkin,” Wade grins, closing the shirt box and taping it shut. “Now then, what’s your sweet self craving for dinner?”

“How about that sushi place down the street?” Peter suggests, and judging by Wade’s squeal, he’s made a good choice. “My turn to pay, remember.”

“See if you can beat me to it, then,” Wade challenges, chuckling when Peter flicks his forehead before grabbing a change of clothes from one of the few drawers that hasn’t been packed up.

“Gimme ten minutes and then we can get going,” He says, brushing a quick kiss to Wade’s lips.

“I’ll drag your ass outside if you’re not done in five,” Wade says, pinching said ass as he walks by, laughing loudly at the subsequent yelp.

“You should probably find a new roof to hang out on, now,” Clint says, striding casually over to where Peter’s lying on his back, looking up at the clouds as they slowly turn from white to faintly pink and purple, reflecting the setting sun.

“Wade said to wait here,” Peter says, not moving. “And so here I wait.”

Clint doesn’t say anything back, just drops to lay next to Peter in companionable silence, which Peter expects won’t last long, but appreciates nonetheless.

“You really made a statement at that interview,” Clint says, after a minute or so of quiet, which is longer than Peter thought he’d last, so really, props to Clint. “Pissed a few people off, especially once the footage from the security feed got stolen. They might unofficially suspect Deadpool, but not enough to do anything about it.”

“Wade didn’t,” Peter says, almost certain.

“He did not,” Clint agrees. “I did.”

“Why?” Peter asks, honestly surprised. He turns to look Clint in the eyes, but Clint’s still staring up at the sky.

“Because you’re right.” He says, sounding just a bit tired. “SHIELD has a shitty double standard, and besides that, Wade does damn good work. He’s not subtle enough for them, is their problem, but honestly, fuck that. Wade’s probably the most honest out of all of us, and if that makes it so they can’t use him, that’s probably a good thing.”

Peter doesn’t say anything for a longer moment than originally planned, too shocked by Clint’s outburst of emotion against the agency he’s been working with for a long time, to Peter’s understanding, to be certain of what to say. Clint just sighs, long and more than a bit tired, now.

“I like Wade,” He says. “We don’t hang out a lot, but when we do, he’s a breath of fresh air. I can only let my guard down around so many people, and Wade’s right up there with Nat for easiest person to talk to. I respect him and how he does his work and lives his life. I’ve done a lot of objectionable shit in my life, and I’m sure I’ll do more, but I’m not about to just sit there and see Wade Wilson get bad mouthed. Mild annoyances might be all I’m up to at the moment, but you two’ve got me in your corner, alright?”

“Okay,” Peter says, still unsure of what to make of all this, but then Clint snaps upright and scratches at the side of his head and yawns.

“Welp, that’s all the emotion and sincerity I’m due for today,” He says, stretching and popping out his hearing aids. “Tell Wade I said hey.”

Peter gives him a thumbs up, which Clint nods at before jumping off the side of the tower to what Peter assumes is some kind of safe ledge. He doesn’t hear any crashes or shouting, and he’s seen Clint do way more risky looking maneuvers and come out fine, so he isn’t worried.

“Spidey-pie!” Wade shouts, dropping down onto the roof from seemingly nowhere, startling Peter more than he cares to admit.

“Wade, you scared me,” Peter says, standing up and leaning hard into Wade’s firm body. “Clint says hey, by the way.”

“Oh, rhymes,” Wade purrs. “I’ll tell the purple bird hells-o next time I see him, but not tonight. We’ve got date night, and I’m not about to forfeit that, even for a good ol’ pal like Hawk’s Eye. Wow, and he’s even blonde, too. Not a lot of personality similarities, though, so I guess it’s just the sharpshooting. She did guns, too, and Barton’s way more into the old-fashioned bow and all those Cupid’s arrows aimed towards platonic appreciation, isn’t he?”

“I’ll take you at your word,” Peter says, guiding Wade’s arms around him before leaping off Avenger’s Tower into freefall, catching them about halfway down at the exact second before Wade’s shrieks hit an uncomfortable pitch. “Where to, babe?”

“August fourth!” Wade shouts, and Peter rolls his eyes with enough fondness that his chest clenches, steering them in the general direction of a Mexican place he can remember going to sometime last fall, knowing that Wade will guide him if he goes the wrong way.

Peter’s about 84% of the way through finishing up with his current project, so he’s completely planning on staying overnight to push through and just be done. It absolutely isn’t the first time he’s done it, and he knows it won’t be the last, especially since he’s still doing this after finishing his Master’s six months ago. Beyond that, it isn’t as though he lacks for company in the labs, even at two in the morning.

What is surprising, though, is the company he has tonight. This morning. Whatever, he’s had coffee, but not enough for a worthwhile thought process that isn’t attached to his work.

“‘Sup?” Peter asks, absently, poking a small and obscenely sharp scalpel at tiny filaments.

“Do I have to do small talk before I say the important thing?” Dr. Banner asks. “Because I’m still not good at that.”

“Nope,” Peter says. “Get real, Dr. Banner. I live with Deadpool, I gave up small talk a long time ago. Also, I suck at it, too.”

“I’m positive I’ve told you before to call me Bruce,” Dr. Banner says, sounding a bit tired, but when Peter glances up, he’s smiling.

“You’ve got, like, a bajillion PhDs, Dr. Banner. Gonna show some respect. Besides, I like you.” Peter says, setting his small scalpel down, just in case this conversation requires actual mental fortitude.

“Seven PhDs, actually.” Dr. Banner says.

“Dude, it’s two in the morning and I’m doing science. I respect you, but not enough to remembers details at two in the morning when I’m doing science.” Peter says, leaning heavily into the lab table.

“It’s five thirty,” Dr. Banner says, looking a bit concerned.

“Oh,” Peter says. “Well, that’s cool. So what’s up?”

“Um,” Dr. Banner says, showcasing off his finely honed communication skills. “I heard about Wade and SHIELD.”

“Did he do something recently?” Peter asks, trying to go back through the past month or so and recall Wade saying anything particularly odd that could’ve been translated to ‘I blew up a SHIELD helicarrier because I wanted to test a new cocktail of explosives’ if someone Not-Wade had said it.

“Not that I know of, but probably,” Dr. Banner says. “Just sort of judging by his usual - anyway, no, I meant what you said during your interview.”

“Oh, that,” Peter says. “SHIELD sucks. No offense, Dr. Banner, I know they’re what keeps you and your research going smoothly, but I’m not a fan.”

“Neither am I, if I’m being honest,” Dr. Banner says. “But Asgardian research grants aren’t really a thing, and the research I do is important enough to be worth dealing with a clearly corrupt and dangerous agency.”

“I’m betting that having a boyfriend who’s a literal god and could kick SHIELD’s collective ass doesn’t hurt,” Peter notes, which makes Dr. Banner flush faintly and nod.

“That, too. But you are right, is the point, specifically about how they treat Deadpool. I don’t know him personally, but I know you well enough after working with you for this long to trust your judgement of him. I’ve seen how much he helps you with, um, with your mental state.”

“He gets it,” Peter says, simply, not quite sure if he’s making sense but very sure that he’s tired and probably isn’t going to end up finishing his project tonight. This morning. Seriously, whatever.

“I can see that,” Dr. Banner smiles, again. “I just wanted to let you know that, while this is technically a SHIELD facility, you and Deadpool are supported by Thor and me, which Thor said, loudly, to some of the SHIELD staff who were talking about revoking your access to the building.”

“Oh, shit,” Peter says. “Whoa, thanks Dr. Banner. That’s. I didn’t know that was happening, though I should’ve guessed, probably, but anyway, thanks so much, jesus, that’s really good of you guys.”

“I like to think we get it,” Dr. Banner says, a bit wryly, which makes Peter laugh.

“Yeah, I think you do,” Peter says. “Now, not that this hasn’t been a great talk, but I’m gonna call my boyfriend to pick me up, now, because I don’t think I’m actually conscious enough to get home on my own.”

“You have friends in all directions,” Wade murmurs, the rumbling in his chest making Peter sigh softly, leaning further into him.

“We both do,” Peter says, taking his volume cues from Wade. “They see you. They might not know you like I do, but not everyone on the outside pretends you’re unmanageable.”

“So I’m hearin’,” Wade says. “Nice to be appreciated.”

“You deserve it,” Peter says, leaning up to kiss him. Wade returns the kiss, but keeps it soft, gentle, unhurried.

“Deservin’ ain’t a part of lovin’,” Wade says against his lips. Peter hums his assent and leans back in, savoring the taste of his concrete happiness.

#my-writing #spideypool #writing commissions #marvel fanfiction #spiderman x deadpool #peter parker/wade wilson

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amalgamezz · 7 years ago

Note

1-50 (I can't think of another question for 51 I'm sorry T^T)

Thank you for asking!! :D

My answer to some questions will be brief because there are 50 of them so if anyone wants me to elaborate, please feel free to send me another ask.

Also gonna put everything under read more because it’s hella long.

Oh boi, here we go…

1. Favorite character

2. Favorite route

So far, Jumin Route remains my favourite because it hits home for me and literally serves as a call out post to my own ass ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. Favorite theme

Endless Struggle (Ray’s Theme)

I’m The Strongest (Saeran’s Theme)

4. Favorite chat background

5. Favorite “Cheritz” voice

Jumin Han cuz I’m biased

6. Favorite voice

Gimme a sec. Let me check.

Oh no,

I’m still biased 😱

7. Favorite chat emoji

8. Favorite kiss

9. Favorite confession of love

10. Favorite RFA party outfits

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

11. Favorite party guest

[¯\_(ツ)_/¯ intensifies]

12. Favorite chat

13. Favorite call

This

and this

What can I say? I live for angst ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

14. Favorite CG

Also arguably the best VN of the game.

15. Favorite good end

I’d prefer his NE, but on the other hand, I live for drama ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

16. Favorite after ending

He grows so much. I’m proud of him.

17. Favorite bad end

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

18. Worst bad end

See q(48).

19. Favorite headcanon

Saeran is a Jumin stan

Fite me on this (ง'̀-‘́)ง

20. Favorite ship (platonic/romantic)

I’m not a shipper but I’d say I do find these ships interesting:

- Vanderwood/Jaehee

- Saeran/Yoosung

- Saeyoung/Yoosung

- V/Zen

21. Favorite character interaction with each other

Jumin vs. Zen

Seven vs. Yoosung

22. Best plot

I’d say I really love Saeran’s character arc,,,,,,,,,

But there are various factors that make it very difficult for me to fully enjoy his route. As someone who does love Saeran, I feel goddamn conflicted about it and my stand is also controversial af so I’m not gonna spill it here either. For now, I’ll just rewrite a part of the route in my head and pretend it to be canon instead lol

23. Best character development

Jumin, Saeran, Yoosung

Don’t make me choose between them pls

24. Best antagonist

Probably Rika and her natural manipulative talents lmao because how else the stans can still excuse her doing after all that.

25. Worst antagonist

Echo Girl, Choi Sisters. Mainly because those types of antagonists are very common and have no depth at all.

26. Best character design

HAVE U SEEN MY HUSBAND?

27. Character who left the biggest impression on you

You can pinpoint the fraction of a second in which I fell in love.

28. Character you’d want to be BFFs with

Jumin, Seven, Jaehee

29. Character you romantically ship yourself with

I’ve come to a realization that my hopeless aromantic ass isn’t actually romantically attracted to any character but if I must choose, Jumin is the only one whom I can imagine myself romancing with lmao

30. Most relatable character

I’m a disastrous mix of Jumin and Seven. It’s hilarious 😂

31. Most tragic character

*clenches fist*

Would choose the other one to emphasize my point but I’d rather minimize her appearance on my blog.

32. Funniest character

YOUR TURN, SEVEN.

33. First route

Zen. Honestly, that still surprises me because realistically our personalities would clash a looooooot.

34. First impression of the game

“It’s just a goddamn dating sim. What makes it so hot?”

No wonder it’s called Mistake Messenger.

35. First impression for each character

Zen [*excessively flirtin’ and braggin’*]

Pls pls pls stop flirting with me. Pls stop talking about ur look. It’s such a turn offffff T^T

Jaehee [”You like Zen, do you???”]

But I don’t;;;;;;;

Jumin [”Please only call me when necessary” *hang up*]

R00d. I like him.

Yoosung [*skipping classes, staying up 24/24 gaming, failing tests*]

Goddamn relatable, bro

Seven [*meme my way through depression*]

L3t’s m4rry 4t th3 sp4c3 st4t10ns!!!

Little did I know how he’d betray me in his own damn route 🙂

V [*hops in* *hops out*]

Annyeong-

Oh.

Unknown [*currently abroad but wants MC to help return a phone by going to an apartment somewhere in Korea*]

Sounds fake but okay

[*actually got prologue BE*]

Who wears like this these days?

Do you need help with your jacket?

Rika

So, how many bucks do you wanna bet she will somehow show up alive?

[*pretends to be surprised as she actually shows up alive*]

36. First character you fell for

Don’t judge me, okay

37. Korean OP vs English OP

Korean version.

38. Current number of hourglasses

I have 730 HGs and 26k hearts. So that would be 990 in total.

39. How did you find out about this game? What made you decide to download it?

A friend recommended it to me. My curiosity got me and I searched up the fandom. Amused, I then downloaded it for a laugh.

FYI, she quit some months after.

But look at where I am now.

40. When did you start playing it?

Oct 3rd, 2016

41. Have you completed all the routes and unlocked the secret endings?

Yup

42. Free to play or paid to play? If so, what did you spend on?

I’ve got phone call cards for all characters. Best purchases ever made.

43. Were you ever obsessed with this game at one point?

I’ve never thought I’d spend any cent on a game, not mentioning an otome game. And yet.

So, you might as well assume I’m still very obsessed lol

44. How dedicated are you to this game? Do you set alarms and try to get 100% for each day etc?

I’m a human disaster. Who needs alarms? What is sleep? 😂

45. Do you play the game blindly or follow walkthroughs?

I went blindly mostly. There were some arcs of a route that I searched up for general tips/ideas of what I should do rather than strictly stick to the walkthrough.

46. Did you play the game properly? From casual route to deep route in recommended order?

My playing order was Zen > Jumin > Seven > Jaehee > Yoosung > V > Saeran

The main reason is that I was about two months late into fandom. I didn’t want to be spoiled any further so I just jumped into deep route right after I got enough 80 HGs.

The other reason is I was too thirsty for curious about Juju; I can’t wait any longer lmao

47. Moments that made you laugh out loud?

There are a lot but this one is off the top of my head.

48. Ever cried or shed a tear while playing?

I fuck’d up 😂 Even this is too angsty for me.

49. How many photos/screenshots of MM are in your photo gallery?

None. A 3 GB otome game is already an overkill for my phone’s memory 😂

50. How has this game affected you overall? Do you regret playing it?

Financial -20%

I’ve spent $30 on an otome game. This itself is a goddamn record-breaking 😂

Health -50%

Mystic Messenger has utterly destroyed my sleep cycle #feelingblessed?

Education +20%

Mystic Messenger is not just a dating game. It touches various real-life topics and can actually be deep in many ways. I’m grateful that I’ve got to learn a lot from it.

Life productivity -50%

Catch me doing anything MM-related instead of doing homework. Maybe I’m also doing it right now.

Pleasure and Friendship +600%

Tbqh, the best thing this game has brought to me is that I get to know a lot of amazing folks whom I’m honoured to call my friends. You know who you are. Lots of 💜💜💜

Overall: +500%

Do I regret it? The stats are suggesting no; nope; nada. Zero regrets.

#ask unc #sapphiraice #anonymous

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thedegenerateasexual · 7 years ago

Text

more let’s talk about love under the cut, chapters 17-26:

chapter 17:

this is fully just a feenie and alice fight and tbh feenie is so in the wrong it’s ridiculous

“[Ryan] thinks we ditched you last night.”

“You did ditch me.” She laughed a little.

“Yeah. Well. Anyway, just call him.”

Alice couldn’t even pretend to be mad. Ryan had to be the sweetest person on the planet and besides, it had all worked out. “So you’re just not going to apologize?” she joked.

“Are you going to apologize?” Feenie shot back.

“For what?”

“For fucking leaving.”

(Ah, there it was.)

(Damn it.)

“Um, well, not to be petty, but you left me first.”

“We went upstairs. You actually left the party. That is not the same thing.” She looked Alice right in the eyes. “I’m not going to apologize for having sex with my boyfriend when you fucking jumped ship the first chance you got because you couldn’t stand being alone for thirty minutes. Miss me with that bullshit.”

WOW

dude she was ASSAULTED and could have been RAPED you do not get to be like that lmao it was unsafe for her to be there alone

so much for feenie being the good egg

chapter 18:

so she’s telling takumi about the fight and feenie and ryan and:

“Tell me about them. What do you like most?”

“Ryan is the literal light of my life. I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as considerate and driven as him. He’s all-around amazing. And Feenie, well, she’s my oldest friend and soulmate. Her word, not mine, but I believe it,” Alice said before laughing at a random memory that popped into her head. “When we were little, people used to call us Ebony and Ivory, which is kind of offensive now that I’m thinking about it.”

“But she’s dating Ryan? And you’re okay with that?” The back end of her taco fell onto her plate with a small bit of it landing on her shirt. Takumi passed her some napkins.

“Oh, it’s not like a romantic kind of soulmate,” she said, dabbing her shirt. “Feenie’s pretty hardcore, but she has her sentimental moments. Once she said if reincarnation were real, we’d meet each other in every single life because nothing can keep us apart. We’re meant to be.”

He looked confused. “If you’re soulmates, aren’t you supposed to be in love with each other? That’s how it works.”

“I suppose it could be romantic or whatever, but she has Ryan. They’re meant to be right now, but we’re meant to be forever, if that makes sense.”

He finished chewing before saying, “Not really.”

Oh Boy

omg aw he offered to let her crash at his place for a bit until it blows over

“I never lived with my best friends, but I know what it’s like when they start dating and suddenly, everything feels like them versus you and they’re all you have. You don’t have to slink around feeling terrible. If you need space, I have space.”

She wanted to kiss his cheek.

Kiss. His. Cheek.

alice is so gone. i have only liked someone enough to voluntarily kiss their cheek one (1) time. it’s a rare feeling. i guess she cheek kisses more than i do tho. she platonically cheek-kisses!

hahahahaha and so since he’s babysitting his nieces that evening guess who gets roped into it! i would probably literally kiss a stranger on the cheek before i willingly interacted with their children alone

chapter 19:

while crashed out at takumi’s alice looks at one of his photography albums:

Near the end of the album, it happened: Takumi and the girl kissing.

“Wow, you’re real fond of that whole kissing thing.”

“And you’re not?”

“I don’t dislike kissing.” Alice closed that album and picked another. “I also don’t take pictures of myself while doing it.”

alice u liar u hate kissing

haha look at her fishing around to see if it’s safe tho

“So,” Alice began, drawing out the word, “kissing is important to you?”

“Honestly expressing my feelings is important to me.” He flipped a page. There were several pictures of a bonfire at night. A Southeast-Asian guy with dewy brown skin was wrapped in a red blanket, laughing in one photo. “Sometimes that means kissing. Or spending three days editing photos and videos together for my brother. Or letting a girl I just met stay in my house and look through my pictures because she’s scared to go home.”

i cannot BELIEVE he is being so smooth when she is literally going thru pics of him & his ex...also like How Candid honestly

“I spend a lot of time trying to figure stuff out. Like, my feelings and sorting through my thoughts. I don’t think I overthink, but I like to know why things are the way they are for me and why they’re different for someone else.”

“I think everyone does that.”

“No, they don’t. At least, I don’t think they do. Not the way I do it,” she said. “So. Like. If I ask you something and it seems strange, I’m not being weird, I’m trying to understand.”

ACE MOOD like i said it’s a contemplative existence

chapter 20:

aw man alice went back to therapy after all just to talk about feenie and ryan (theyre still not speaking)

it’s not a v long chapter but anyways

chapter 21:

Ryan caved first.

THANK GOD

Feenie took longer to come around. No one mentioned anything, let alone apologized. Her simply consisted of asking Alice if Family Night for that week could be on Thursday. When she had learned Alice had been hiding at Takumi’s, she curiously had nothing to say, no questions to ask, no teasing jokes to make Alice squirm.

yikes

yk tho for real feenie is a really well written character...like alice, you want to like her, but part of you also wonder if the relation has played its course, which is heartbreaking. nice job 10/10

anyway she and ryan are hanging out and takumi called her from a bar for a ride lol he’s hammered

and ryan like...really really tried to get her to not leave again and she kissed him on the cheek again? and before i was like, aw, cute, how platonic! and now i am Wary of both ryan and feenie. like is he emotionally cheating on feenie with her...is that a thing...i don’t like it

OH SHIT back at his house he’s gotten kind of rambly and:

“If you were dating someone, and you knew they loved you with their whole heart, had absolutely no doubts about it, could you cheat on them?”

Obviously, that question sent her mind into overdrive, connecting all the dots. A roommate who moved out suddenly. A part-time job to cover his rent. Essie telling her he’s single “now.”

Takumi had a someone.

A someone who had, apparently, cheated on him.

hhhhholy shit

“Me personally?” she asked finally. “No. I mean, it’s highly unlikely.”

Cheating on someone was one of those things she was destined to never understand. Choosing to not have sex with someone else didn’t seem like that hard of a concept to grasp, and yet she had comforted more than one person who had been cheated on.

you should NOT have to be ace to understand this shit why are people Like this

So he told her.

All of it.

Everything Alice did and didn’t want to know.

Takumi and his ex-girlfriend and former almost-wife, Rena, had started dating in college when they were nineteen. And it just … worked. They had gone to the same college, lived together for two years, and then earlier this year, she cheated on him. She had always been a social butterfly (his words) and an innocent flirt (her words), but when it came to some guy named Thad (Alice’s words: “Really? That’s his name?”), that innocence fluttered. Except it wasn’t only Thad. She cheated again with someone else. And once more for good measure before they broke up.

They began talking again a few weeks ago, very tentative (his words). Tomorrow night, they were supposed to have dinner to talk about being friends again and possiblyseeing if that could lead somewhere back to being together, but he had seen her kissing some guy downtown earlier. Which was why he was so drunk. He realized that even though she might have missed him (her words), she didn’t really want to be with him anymore (his words).

Y I K E S

ohhh man this is so sweet though like he asked her for relationship advice and she totally fumbled through it because of limited experience but she honest-to-god tried her best

chapter 22:

lol alice’s mom called and is on her ass about being a lawyer again...alice was like gimme 3 weeks to come up w/ a new plan bc i cant deal w/ being a lawyer im proud of her

oh shit it’s feenie backstory time

“Marie called me yesterday.” Marie—Feenie’s mom. “She worked whatever connections she has and had my case for fighting that dude in the bar last year thrown out. Apparently, that gave her the right to interrogate me. She wanted to know when I was going back to school, why I was wasting my life, why I was embarrassing her like this.” Feenie exhaled. “I want to have a family with Ryan because that’s what’s right for me. I don’t get how me wanting to get knocked up and be a housewife affects her. She doesn’t want me to have kids, so she’s never going to see them. Even if I die, she will never see them.”

Alice knew that. She’d known it for years.

In elementary school, when they were told to be doctors and astronauts and firefighters, Feenie stood up and said she wanted to be a mom. Back then, her favorite game had been House. Feenie was always the stay-at-home mom, while Alice was the working mom, and they had seven stuffed-animal children. Feenie did all the cooking, cleaning, and made sure Alice had her newspaper when she got home from work.

She wanted to be everything Marie hadn’t been for her even then.

Their relationship ultimately died when Marie wished Feenie had never been born. She said Feenie ruined all the plans she’d had for herself.

ohhhhh honey ))): okay some of my waryness has abated no wonder she’s like that

oh nevermind feenie immediately bit her head off when she mentioned takumi feenie sucks

chapter 23:

movie night with takumi and alice!! not much to copypasta but this near the end:

She took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to share. I don’t want to tell you.”

It was his turn to fix her hood. (He knew not to touch her hair.) “Okay,” he said. “You don’t ever have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”

But part of her did want to. Her secret shouldn’t even have been one—it should have been a nonissue. Why couldn’t being asexual just be accepted?

Why did she have to spend the rest of her life coming out over and over and over…? And once she did, would people always expect her to talk about it? It would always be a huge deal, she would always be subjected to questions, and she would always have to defend herself.

Would it ever stop feeling like A Thing, a barrier, between her and everyone else?

LITERALLY! god what a mood

chapter 24:

also short, but when alice spotted feenie shopping for wedding dresses and offered to come along we had this exchange:

Feenie clicked her tongue. “Sure you can pry yourself away from Takumi long enough to spend time with me?”

Alice sighed and stood up. Feenie didn’t stop her.

ok look 1. feenie was so disappointed they didnt bang and now this?? 2. she gets to ditch alice at the party to be with her BF but alice doesn’t get to date anyone?? wow

chapter 25:

i could have honestly pasted the entire thing because it’s so goddamn cute and i can’t pick a favorite part but the tl;dr is that takumi is sick and alice went over to take care of him and he kept talking about how great she was in a slightly fever-addled way

wait no i can paste my least favorite part:

“Yeah. I haven’t heard from him in two days, but he called in sick on Saturday.”

Ryan twirled the screwdriver between his fingers, focused. “Are you sure he’s actually sick?”

“It’s either that or he’s packing and needed some time off.” Alice shrugged. “He already signed the lease for his new place.”

“Maybe he’s doing something else that doesn’t involve you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Ryan’s face was so open, so honest. It always told the truth before he was ready to speak.

(Basically, he couldn’t lie to save his life.)

“I just think it’s funny that you talk to him and see him every day and all of a sudden he disappears and doesn’t tell you why. I mean, you’re guessing he’s sick or packing. You don’t actually know.”

WHY are they being like this with her wow they are HORRIBLE best friends

also, theyre getting married in 6 months vs two years suddenly. feenie moved up the date :/

chapter 26:

ALICE AND FEENIE AND RYAN ARE FINALLY HAVING IT OUT:

“You spend a lot of time with him.”

“You two spend a lot of time together without me.”

“That’s different. We’re engaged.”

“So I’m just supposed to sit around and wait for you both to remember I exist?”

“Of course not, but you shouldn’t edge us out. You’re the one making it as if it has to be him or us.”

“How am I doing that? And why is this all my fault? Why do you two have a Get Out of Ditching Alice pass that I’m supposed to accept because you say so? How is that fair to me?”

“We don’t ditch you,” Ryan said.

“You do. You have for years. I just don’t say anything because I don’t want us to fight, but the second I find an actual friend on my own, you two act like this. Neither of you said anything when I spent time with Margot. Why is Takumi suddenly different?”

shit dude! she’s right! and then feenie enters:

“Maybe we minded then and didn’t say anything either.”

Alice whipped around at the sound of Feenie’s voice. Feenie leaned against the refrigerator, arms crossed.

“Maybe,” she continued, “we were really hurt, but you were too busy being happy to notice. Just like right now.”

An enraged fierceness made the edges of Alice’s vision turn red. She balled her hands into fists. “I wouldn’t even have met Margot if you hadn’t decided to move in with Ryan at the last minute. The millisecond you two started dating, he came first. You started to choose him over me every single time.” She turned that rage on Ryan. “And you have always chosen her over me.” Her phone buzzed. “Takumi’s outside.” She slung her purse strap over her shoulder while marching for the door.

man this is fucking sad i hope they make this better somehow :/

anyway she goes to hang out w/ takumi and

“You wound me, madam.” He clutched his chest, wincing. “Especially since it’s your fault. It’s hard not to have an ego when you’ve told me you love my beautiful face.”

“Shut it.”

“How beautiful are we talking here? What’s my code?”

She groaned. “Not this again.”

OMG IS SHE GONNA TELL HIM...i’m on the edge of my seat here

“Tell me and I’ll bake you cookies when I’m not sick.”

“What kind of cookies?” she asked, leaning back into his arms. “And you have to use real flour. None of that ultra-buckwheat high-fiber stuff.”

“Oatmeal chocolate chip?”

“Deal.” She stared at the ceiling. “Black. I’d like two dozen cookies, please.”

just shrieked

“Black? I thought the Cutie Code was Green to Red.”

“It is. Was.” The gears and wheels turning inside Alice’s head locked into place as realization sank in. Meeting Takumi had challenged everything she thought she knew about herself, made her work to find out who she was on a fundamental level. He challenged her in the best way possible, wholly unaware of the effect he had on her, pushing her so far out of her comfort zone she had to question everything. She had discovered, no, was still discovering, who she was now, who she wanted to be, what she could and could not handle. He had given her a reason to reconnect with herself.

Feenie had been right—this, he, would always be someone she would want to remember.

“You exceeded my Cutie Code,” she said. “You’re the reason why I retired it. I don’t need it anymore.”

NOOOOO she should keep her cutie code! don’t throw it away fro some boy! even a great boy! it’s too good!

“I need to tell you something.” She took a step back. “Like, whatever you’re going to say, don’t say it because I need to tell you this first.”

O H S H I T HERE IT COMES

i know this is probably a happy book and he’ll accept her but i’m still so stressed out

“So you know how some people like jogging?”

“I’m one of those people, so yes.”

“Ah, yeah, okay. That worked out.” Her breathy laugh sounded forced. “So, you see, I am not one of those people. I don’t care about jogging.”

“Mmm…” He squinted at her for a moment. “Somehow, I knew that.”

“Oh, great. Good. This is going well.” Her hands began to shake. She pressed her fingers to her lips to steel herself before continuing. “Now take the word jogging and replace it with sex.”

“You don’t like sex?”

(Wow, he asked that fast.)

“No.” She held up her hand. “No, the correct sentence is I don’t care about sex.” She took a deep breath and held it. “Because I’m not sexually attracted to anyone.”

HTAT’S A GREAT ANALOGY

that’s much better than my “i’m the way gay guys feel about girls and the way gay girls feel about guys all at the same time”

“Huh,” he said, face neutral. “I thought you were bisexual.”

“I am. Minus the sexual.” She waited, watching him process through her answer. She waited for the judgment, the questions, the confusion, the thoughtful concern followed by the inevitable interruptions. Second by second, it dawned on her that she waited in vain because he was waiting for her. “My sexuality is nope.” She laughed with relief because still, second by second, he continued to wait, to listen. So she laughed again, tiny bubbles of happy that floated out of her.

HES LISTENING TO HER I LOVE THIS NOBODY ELSE BOTHERED BUT HE’S LISTENING

“How many people have you told?”

“Explicitly? You’re number four. Feenie, Ryan, and a counselor I’m seeing.”

Takumi started to speak but closed his mouth and stood up straight, focusing on the counter. Each second he didn’t look at her made tiny seeds of dread bloom in the depths of her soul. “That’s why you’re happy,” he mumbled. He nodded as if he couldn’t stop and sighed before looking at her again. His eyes had taken on a glossy, reddened tint.

“Thank you for trusting me. Realizing that, um,” Takumi said, pausing for a moment, “that hit me kind of hard.”

“What do you mean?” Alice asked quietly.

“Four. Obviously, you’ve been keeping this a secret for a reason.”

She hadn’t been thinking about trust when she told him. Ryan and Feenie had been there when she figured it out (thank God). Dr. Burris had to pry it out of her, didn’t he? And she still couldn’t say the word properly to him. Telling Takumi had been a choice—not by chance or out of necessity. It was her decision, completely on her own.

(She trusted him.)

htis fucking book hasnt made me cry in like a dozen chapters and i thought the heavy shit was over but nooooooo

and like lol i keep saying this text is calling me out...not to get personal, Again, but literally u realize stuff about urself when you read shit like this...i always play like i’m so comfortable with everything but the truth is i put ace on my profile and let other people google it and it has nothing to do with me i never see it--i dont think i’ve ever told ANYBODY irl so like...tbh i couldn’t get it out as well as she did i bet like you go alice

“I wasn’t trying to have sex with you the other night,” he said. “And I am so, so sorry if I made you feel that way.”

He was so close and so far away, as if there was an imaginary pane of glass between them. She wanted him to hug her and make the tension go away.

“No, I didn’t think that at all. That’s not why I told you.”

“This should go without saying, but I’m going to say it anyway, partly because I want to, but also because I think you need to hear it. If knowing you’re asexual makes someone see you differently, then they don’t deserve to be in your life. My feelings for you are exactly the same as they were an hour ago. This doesn’t change anything between us.”

HEYYYYYYYYYY YEAH!!!!! i’m so happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!! if anybody ever said anything like this to me i’d die on the spot!!!!!!!! YOU GO ALICE

gotta break this post here bc it’s getting long again, hopefully i can finish the rest of the book before dawn & in the next one

#personal #LTAL

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