#Getting absolutely obsessed with all these skeletons has been the best thing I did in the last year

[somegrumpynerd]

Poor angsty lil oreo 😟 maybe he could need a reboop of his installment... or preferably a nice comforting hug from New Rat friend?? UwU seriously, would be sooo cute omg! 2 cuties hugging it out is just soo awww~ pls?? ✨🥺🙏

- 🍓

Well, the rat is me (hello!), so I guess I could give Cross a hug if he needs!

But he should be warned, I am a bear hugger >:3c

And while I'm here hugging skeletons, if I could be serious for just a second (because any longer and I'll die of sillyness deficiency)

This is the anniversary of a really sad day for me, and if I hadn't had undertale to be obsessed with and distract myself I can't imagine how much worse it would have been. So I just wanted to say thank you for letting me jump into the fandom and make stuff and have fun, it really means a lot <3

[velvetwyrme]

TOP FAVE READER INSERT UNDERTALE (OR ANY OTHER AU’S) FICS???? /genq /nf

>:3c

Oh you don't have to worry about forcing me. I've been wanting to do this for a while and you just gave me the perfect excuse!!!

List under the cut because it's LONG and I love to chatter.

A little note before you continue: I won't pick any PURELY explicit fics (... with a couple exceptions) since if I did, I'd be here forever

BUT fair warning that some of these will be dark, and may deal with heavy topics. Some will also have some spicy/explicit content in them, but I'll do my best to mark them accordingly! (I won't mark ones with just suggestive themes/moments, since I cant guarantee I'll catch all of them. Similarly, unless there is graphic death or gore, I won't mark it as such.)

I have also included the STATUS of each fic as such: Finished, Ongoing/Unfinished, Discontinued. Please note that unless the author specified that the fic is Discontinued or on Indefinite Hiatus, I will mark it as Ongoing/Unfinished. Oneshots are also marked as such.

ALSO for some of these fics it's been years since I last read them, so if I miss any warnings for them, that's why! As always, check the tags before reading and take care :]!!

MULTICHAPTERS

When Words Get Broken - Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Featuring: Some of the best Papyrus characterisation that I’ve read. The most unkissable kissable skeleton. If you want to know what I mean by that, go read this fic. I love him so so so dearly.  

Life Like A Ghibli Movie - Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

One of the fics ever. Broke me apart and put me together again. Lives permanently in my brain.

Vacuous Happiness - Sans/Reader - Finished

Rewired my brain. I feel like I went on a roadtrip which changed me irreversibly as a person. The same author is also writing a Firewatch inspired fic featuring UF!Sans which I’m enjoying as well :]

Thunderstruck - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If you haven’t read Thunderstruck what are you doing. Go read it. You’ve probably already read this fic but go read it again!!!! One of my favourite portrayals of UF!Papyrus ever. Almost certainly has some amount of influence on the way I'm writing Flipping Fate.

You, Me, and Dr. G - W.D. Gaster/Reader

I love this fic so so much. *drinks it up like water*

This is part of a series that also contains fics I love; Story That Might Happen When You Date Sans (F) and Black Thumb (F), which are respectively a Sans/Reader and Asgore/Reader. Both are really good as well. This one is just my favourite out of the 3 though. The same author also wrote Just One Word (F), which is a soulmate AU Mettaton/Reader which I also enjoyed.

Teach Me How - Sans/Reader - Finished

I read this fic waaay before I realised I was somewhere on the aro/ace spectrum and hoooo boy my obsession with it when I was younger really makes sense now. Incredibly sweet, they go from hate to love, and the reader is aro/ace. It’s a little messy, but isn’t everything?

In writing this I also realised this is by the same author who wrote You, Me and Dr. G!!! >:O

Pursuit of Happiness - Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

SO good. Y'all at Rock Bottom babey!!

A Home for Mending Souls - Underfell!Skelebros/Reader - Finished

Extremely soft. Recovery/Healing fics beloved. I love the characterisation in this fic so much. Made me very emotional.

Backroads and Bad Jokes - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I love this fic so much. Sooo many scenes live rent free in my head. I won't spoil things ;] I think it takes place in the same universe as A Home for Mending Souls?

The Nebular Theory - Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If it's not obvious already, I absolutely adore this fic. You want some REALLY good characterisation? A juicy plot that has me wishing I had the space for a red-string theory board? An attention to canon details that make me scream? Communication between characters!!!!!

READ THIS FIC.

Love? It's Complicated - Series - Finished (...?)

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

I'm cheating here by linking the entire series (which is 11 fics of various levels of interconnectedness) but it's so worth it. This series tore my heart out, stomped on it, stuck it back in and gave me a sweet little kiss at the end. Several times over!! I cried like 4 times in one night while binging it!! Also this series contains one of the few OC/Canon stories that I enjoy!!

I actually read Burning Mountain first and then everything else in order and proceeded to LOSE MY GODDAMN MIND reading the first and second fics because OH. That's why the end of BM was so... OHhhhHHhhhh.........

The current fics included in the series are all finished, but I'm not sure if the author intends to come back to it in the future.

In the meantime, their other fics A Little Bit(ty) of Trouble (F) and Cold Blood, Warm Heart (O/U) have also stolen my heart. Those ALSO deal with dark, complicated topics so tread carefully and enjoy!

Bearskinner in Three Worlds - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

The plot and writing has gripped me and won’t let go. The reader goes through so much and it’s so worth it. Loooove the polyamory negotiations. I don't want to spoil anything!!! Go read it!!

Penitent Island - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Really good plot and fun interactions! By the same author as Bearskinner. Did I mention I love this author's poly negotiations?

Transmigration of the Soul - Papyrus/Reader - Finished

One of the good ol’ classics. Japes! Drama! Romance! Really good plot! Apparently optional smut according to the tags! I don't recall that but it's a thing!

The impact of this fic can still be seen in the way I view Kindness souls and how they behave lol.

When Two Tsunderes Do on A Date, Does the Void Explode - Fellswap!Sans/Reader - Finished (?)

This series is so so funny. They’re both kinda idiots. And they're both SUPER TSUNDERE. I love all the characters here so much.

My Dearly Detested Deliveryman - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Every single one of Little_old_lady’s fics are fucking hilarious. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. This one you go through enemies to lovers with your deliveryman. Just go read it already.

Black Coffee - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Finished

Soulmate AU!! Unbelievably silly. I love it so much. Papyrus is such a little shit here.

Pussycat, Pussycat, Where Have You Been? - Fellswap!Sans/Reader - Finished

Another banger by Little_old_lady. Both Papyrus and the reader are so dumb I love them. Also Sans is a tsundere.

There’s a snake in my bed! - Mafiafell!Sans/Reader - Finished

Sans is a wholeass dumbass in this one. He's got a snake (think Daemons from His Dark Materials/The Golden Compass) who loves to go into your room. You like the snake too :D

The Skeleton Games - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content]

He’s so pathetic in this I love it. It's far more complicated than that but hrkjsjhsgf pathetic little guy.

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me A Match - Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Super heckin cute!!! I wanna give the reader a little smooch too. They are so lonely but they are making friends!!!

Dirty Laundry - Swapfell!Skelebros/Reader - Finished

THE Swapfell fic. It had me in a vice grip when I read through it the first time. And the second. And the- you get it. Brilliant characterisation and really delicious talks about developing relationships and more.

Honestly all of this author’s works are fantastic, but in particular I love Roadside Attraction (O/U), Fur a Good Time, Call… (F) and also her AU vignettes… Flotsam & Jetsam, Not So Spooky-Scary and Make Your Mark.

A Smile From the East - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I read this way back when it was still updating and it has lived in my brain since. It has everything. UF!Papyrus in all his edgy glory. Flower shop AU. Angst. Romance. It's left me hanging for like 5 years waiting for the last chapter and I encourage you to let it do the same to you.

Re-Hate-tionship - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

ENEMIES TO LOVERS!! They hate each other so so much and they WILL fuck about it. Somehow despite being very very mean to each other, they are both very sweet.

Twice a Month I Fall In Love - SwapfellPapyrus/Reader/Swap!Papyrus - Ongoing/Unfinished

I love love love this fic (I even read it again pretty recently…) SF!Papyrus and the reader swap bodies twice a month. Romance and shenanigans ensue. The reader is not the hinge in this poly! Weird things happen when you kind of want to kiss some dude you met in this other guy’s body (who you incidentally are also falling for).

Becoming Edge - Underfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

Not only is this fic just so so sweet, but it also sparked me to start experimenting more with my wardrobe which has made me much happier. Actually cured my depression because of that (Partly anyway!)

Paper Flowers - Sans/Reader - Finished

[Warning: INCREDIBLY SAD]

I need to read this again, but I still feel like I can wholeheartedly rec it. I still remember enough that thinking about the title makes me want to cry, so...

Just a Little Offbeat - Bitty SwapBros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Hi. Not-so-secret about me. I love bitty fics. This one in particular is really good.

Bitty Hunt - Reverse Harem/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

We all know the [Number] Skeletons and You" setup. We all know Bittybones AUS. But what if… YOU were the bitty? Who is incidentally a landlady? Lots of fun! Many shenanigans.

You all probably know this one but I still love it lol.

His Name Was Bob - Bitty Underfell!Sans/Reader - Finished

One of the OG bitty fics from my recollection. Really good!!!

Skeleton Kisses – Sans/Reader – Finished

SO heckin SWEET. You are in fact scared of him but it all works out :]

Tits and Dick – Underfell!Sans/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

I love them so dearly. They’re both so fucking stupid.

All the Right Moves - Dancetale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I almost got into colourguard because of this fic. I haven't read it in a long time so I can't guarantee anything about quality/content but... I really wanted to get into colourguard after reading this.

Honey, We Bee-Long - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

This is actually part of series but this is just the one I liked the most ;3c Pretty cute!!!!

New Home on the Range - Cowboy AU!Skelebros/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yeehaw. I love cowboys too much not to include this. The reader is described a lil bit, but I will overlook that because I want to kiss these boys sooooo bad. Papyrus in this is such a sweetie. Also plot >:3c

Where the Daffodils Grow - Papyrus Ensemble/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Chances are, at least some percentage of you are here because you saw the comic I drew of this fic. I love it so. Reverse harem set in Underswap!!! Lets GOOO!! PAPYRUS ENSEMBLE LETS GOOOOOO!!!!!

Cash It In - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Finished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

Tumultuous soulmate AU!!!! WAH. Super super cute!!!!! UhhhhHH I FORGOT THERE'S SMUT FIRST CHAPTER BUT LISTEN OKAY I LOVE THIS FIC TOO MUCH TO NOT INCLUDE IT KAJDHJFH

Kintsugi - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Explicit Content.]

I found this fic last year but APPARENTLY I left kudos on it?? Years ago???? SO I GOT TO REREAD IT FRESH. Dramatic, tense, and a really good read overall.

Panic Room – Swapfell/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

This one you really REALLY need to read the warnings, but if it interests you, hot damn is it a good story. SUPER dark but chewed through my brain like drywall. The worldbuilding is spectacular.

In the Language of Flowers – Various/Reader (???) – Ongoing/Unfinished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Themes.]

One of the pioneers of the “Reader is a Sans” tropes. Slowburn to the nth degree. Extremely dramatic, it's fantastic. Marked as (???) for the relationship because IDK what the specific ending relationships are going to be. Also technically Sans/Sans since… the reader is a Sans? It gets complicated man.

Joined at the Hip - Various/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

Another Reader is a Sans fic. Enemies to lovers except you are also kinda sharing the same body?? SIGN ME UP. Again, gets complicated with romance stuff because of it.

The Wolf - Various/Reader(?) - Ongoing/Unfinished

As always, it gets confusing when they’re sharing a body. In this one I love that they get along and have all that figured out. Mostly. They have the problems of two people mashed into one body. Plus! I love the naming structure in this one. Also, I (as a reader) am simping hard for Orion. He’s off the table in the fic because he’s Gemini’s brother but PERSONALLY, I love him.

He was Real. – Horrorswap!Sans/Reader – Finished

In which you dream of a strange skeleton and- he’s REAL OH OKAY YOU SHOULD PROBABLY HELP HIM HUH. Fun concept, very well executed.

A collection of Fables and Romances – Sans/Reader (Various) – Ongoing/Unfinished Series

As the title implies, it’s a collection of short fics! All of them are very good :]

Poor Little Meow Meow – Killer/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

Killer adopts cats. He’s got so many cats. And also you :>

Still Counting – Sans/Reader Series - Finished

I’m not cheating by including this entire series- it’s all one long story. And goodness gracious is it a GOOD story. It’s got [REDACTED]- well shit I guess you just gotta go read it.

thinking of you. – Underswap/Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished      

You think that Swap!Sans is a figment of your imagination, but whoop turns out he’s not!! He’s REAL babey!! Go kiss a ghost(ly skeleton) and a less than ghostly skeleton! Very cute.

Who Done It? - SpicyMobKustard/Reader - Finished

(Mafiatale!Sans/Fell!Papyrus/Reader/Fell!Sans Polycule)

The dynamics between characters are really good and it's got a solid mystery plot underscoring the developing romance :D Please note that the reader is Not the hinge in this poly- they are part of the polycule (and the only two who aren't dating are UF!Sans and UF!Papyrus, since they are related here) so if that's not your thing, don't click! If it is! Enjoy!!

R&R (Rabble & Rampallions) - Bad Sanses (plus)/Reader - Finished

This finished recently (as of writing) and it’s been such a wild ride. I want to read it again and again and again. And I will once I've let it settle in my brain more. I CRIED at the end.

Gloom & Doom All Up in Your Room - Bad Sanses/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

If you are craving more Bad Sanses content after finishing R&R… hey look there’s another brilliant fic featuring them guys. The vibe is different but still so good. Dust is very much bleeding out in your living room when you first meet him, which I feel sets the scene in terms of what sort of violence and/or gore you’ll see here.

Little Assistant - Bad Sanses/Bitty!Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

MORE Bad Sanses content. But they’ve got a bitty (you!) this time. The Star Sanses kinda accidentally suck in this, but they (or at least ONE of them) is trying to get better.

do you live with abusive skeletons? pull a power move and fuck their dad! - W.D. Gaster/Reader - Finished

Incredibly funny (and self-explanatory) title. I enjoy trope reversal and subversion >:3c

Blackcurrant - Horror Swapfell/Reader - HIATUS

Black adopts you as a pet because he doesn’t realise you are sapient. Mutt on the other hand is fully aware and thus is hostile towards you. Lots of fun :] Also very lovely art! Currently on hiatus though.

Skeleton Sisters and the Architect - Fem!Skeleharem/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

I’m so fucking gay. Girls. Holy shit. GIRLS. I am looking so respectfully. They’re all so cute and I love their names.

a full course meal - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

* Edited after note from the author! There are future installments planned 👀

A very cute series of oneshots centered around the reader and HT!Sans!!! HE’S SO BIG. WAIT THERE’S A THIRD PART I DIDN’T SEE THAT BEFORE.

Potato Soup (with a side of skeleton) - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

INCREDIBLY FUNNY PREMISE. Neither of them know how to open up but it’s somehow very endearing.

Chasing the End - Grillby/Reader - Finished

The plot had me yelling. Love some good old "before the barrier" content. We get to see baby Sans and Pap also!!!

=========================

ONESHOTS

A Unique Definition - Underswap!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

Really cute oneshot! You steal US Paps’ hoodie and it’s the cutest thing in the world.

Honeydew - Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Sweet! You meet him on a train and share honeydew it’s all very cute.

No Strings Attached - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Rewired the way I conceptualise UF!Sans. (The other fics in this series are explicit!)

Human Anatomy Fanatic - Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

[Warning: Explicit content]

Papyrus is a little freak and loves every weird and strange part of your human anatomy. Some of the sections deals (briefly) with explicit stuff, but even then, it is more focused on Papyrus being SUPER FASCINATED by how human bodies work. Somehow!! Really cute!

Pat? - Swapfell!Papyrus/Reader - Oneshot

DOGY. DOGGY MEETCUTE. Super cute!! Very embarrassing!!!! PATS!!!!!!

Emotional Drought - Bitty Horrortale!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

LONG oneshot. Very good. Prepare for complex relationships and also a delightfully open and ambiguous ending. I love this one to bits.

Soulmate of the Century - Nightmare!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The sillies. Really silly. Super cute.

Black Coffee Isn’t Too Bitter - Swapfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

Black sends Chara and Mutt to tell a human he likes them. They do a spectactularly bad job at it, but someone better than when he goes in to tell them himself. It works out somehow.

Red and the Bitty - Underfell!Sans/Reader - Oneshot

The title says Bitty, but it’s Red who’s the giant. You get sacrificed to the big bad monster and he’s an ass about it. Somehow, still pretty cute.

=========================

MISC. READER INSERTS

For the non-romantic/platonic fics that are still reader inserts.

Bitty Reader Adventures -Various & Reader - Ongoing/Unfinished

THE bitty reader fic. Series of fics. Whatever. The OG!!! I used to reread these all the time and I still like em :]

Help, I've Fallen Into a Surveillance State and I Can't Get Up! - Reader is a Sans/OC, Platonic Relationships - Ongoing/Unfinished

Yes, there is one chapter so far. Yes, it is 17k words long.

I am so fucking obsessed with this fic. It’s got trope subversion, absolutely amazing worldbuilding, snappy writing, black comedy and light-hearted normalcy in the face of horrors, paired with just enough serious introspection to balance it out?? WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT. I want to eat this fic whole. Also there is lovely art ;>

Street Kitty - Platonic Reader Insert - Ongoing/Unfinished

YOU’RE A KITTY. You menace Sans. You are literally the best cat.

Pieces - Platonic Reader Insert - Ongoing/Unfinished

I need to reread this again, but this was another one that ingrained itself into my bones. You wake up as a flower (like Flowey) and you essentially turn into Frisk’s guide. Love this fic to bits.

Monsters Should Be Cute! - Bitty Sans & Reader - Finished

Pumpkin is a menace and I love him. The undefined-other-reader-dash-underling is also a great character.

Oops, I have a Naga - Naga Bitty Sans & Reader - Finished

Sweet fic !!!!! Real cute! You have a naga now! A naga with TRAUMA.

Tib and Rib – Sans & Papyrus & Reader – Ongoing/Unfinished

This one has me crying and weeping. BLASTER BOYS. On account of the power dynamics here being messed up, this is more a platonic/QPP kinda deal. They hurt so much but they are recovering!!! It updated while I was writing this! Let me go cry!!

Honey, I’m in the mafia. – Platonic Reader Insert – Ongoing/Unfinished

Hi mossy. You thought I would include the fic you wrote inspired by my own fic?? THINK AGAIN. This fic is freakin hilarious. You have to babysit Mafiafell!Sans and Papyrus who are young teens. This can only go well.

(I actually read it the other day but realised I didn't leave kudos. djfgfgkjkajsdkjsd)

Up in the Attic – Platonic Reader Insert – Ongoing/Unfinished

You’re a kid who lives in the Swapfell’s attic. They become your guardians :D

=========================

NON-READER INSERTS

You thought I was DONE? HAHAHA ha. I had to include these.

One by One – Finished

… (Knock, knock, knock)

If you need an indication as to how much I love this fic; I wrote out the last line on a blackboard and that remained on my wall for at least 5 years. It’s since been rubbed off, but I can still recite it to this day.

Cathartic AND beautiful. I've read this many times and also tried to copy-paste by hand into a word document before I realised Ao3 had a download feature.

Day to Day and One by One’s sequel, Truant similarly demolished me.

Brothers Beyond Bonedaries - Finished

Another fic which I haven’t read in years but really should. Both Sans and Papyrus are fallen humans who die and then...? Well go read it and find out ;]

How to raise your bitty - Finished (?)

Don’t have a brother? Storebought Adopted is fine! AKA. Razz (SF!Sans) gets a bitty named Slim (SF!Papyrus). I love it dearly. Again, it’s a series, so the series is technically unfinished, but each individual fic is complete.

The Planet Sanses - Ongoing/Unfinished

REALLY fun concept- what if Blue recruited the Bad Sanses to also help out when the other Star Sanses are busy. Thus the Bad Sanses become!! THE PLANET SANSES. The rest of the series is also fun- I liked the first fic, Blood Moon the most though :]!!

Remembrance - Finished

Some old-school Papyrus angst. This one is the first Undertale fic I bookmarked and thus holds an important place in my heart. Papyrus is so so so sad.

Appreciation for Honesty - Finished

AND WHAT’S THIS? MORE PAPYRUS ANGST? You can really see I was going through it back then. This one similarly broke my heart. You ever think about how many lies Papyrus is told? He does.

Flowey Is Not A Good Life Coach - Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Content.]

*Deep breath* Okay so. This is pure whump. Papyrus gets hurt. He gets hurt and it gets better but oh my goodness gracious does he get hurt.

If you want to read about Papyrus getting broken (in more ways than one) then you should read this fic. If you don’t, then go read one of the other fics I’ve linked that have nicer themes. Something funny. Or cute.

The Pap Chat Logs – Finished

[Warning: Contains Dark/Heavy Content.]

Read these if you want to be SAD. These are mostly chatlogs from an old discord server (that I actually joined and never talked in) which all deal with a great amount of PAPYRUS ANGST. Please note that these talk about a lot very very heavy content. Read the tags and click away if you need to.

In particular, I’d recommend Deitale and "The Great Papyrus" is an Excellent Host- the latter has also been turned into a comic! (Which you should also read, if you haven’t already)

=========================

And there we are! I ran out of links! Not as in I don't have more fics I want to add to this list, but rather tumblr only allows you to add 100 links. Augh. Suffering.

But I don't want to end it on such an angsty note!!! SO... the only logical course of action is to link...

SAUCY FICTION!! - Finished

[Warning: EXPLICIT!!!!! Talk about dicks and boobs!!!]

The only fully explicit fic I will link here. It is the funniest thing I’ve read in my life. Also, there’s a comic of it. I never need to read anything else in my entire life ever.

Wait, there’s a sequel-

=========================

This list in theory is much longer, but I was forcibly cut short by tumblr's limit to 100 links per post. Theoretically I could do a reblog and add more, but I've already gone on long enough. Tumblr Is barely letting me save this post as is ^^"

Also, I'm terrible at remembering to bookmark fics I like, so there's probably a ton I missed!!! :( Not to mention a few have been deleted since I last went and looked :< snowflakeimagines' Meet Ugly series... I would have added you to my list if I could.

There were a bunch of "weirder" fics that didn't make the cut, but this is still a pretty comprehensive list of fics I like :]

If any of yall have recommendations... hand them over. I have gone through the entirety of the reader insert tags, but somehow I still miss things.

Thank you for reading ;3c!!

[yanderelovebites]

It’s been some time since I’ve been on here… but I’ve been having this idea on my mind for awhile. Yandere dollmaker with a darling who reads Yandere stories—she knows the signs but isn’t the best at avoiding getting kidnapped because she thinks “I’m not the person people obsess over”. Have Yandere be an actual label in this world. Have it be an arranged marriage. Have her freak out because by law she has to know her fiancé is a Yandere and she knows he’s also a dollmaker. Have her remember every creepy Yandere dollmaker story ending up with their partner being turned into a doll…

And after meeting him get embarrassed because he finds the stereotype ridiculous and depending on which novel it is, hilarious. Have it obvious he is disgusted at the idea someone would literally make their target of affection into a doll. He says “It’s cliché at this point, like authors can’t make up their own ideas. I get maybe comparing them to a doll or doing things to make them doll like—but full blown make them a doll… UCK!”

Have dollmaker Yandere not help the case when he takes notes of the kind of clothes you wear and start sketching outfits. If darling has any deformities he’s already making the limbs to be exactly that. It absolutely doesn’t help that one time he makes you sit still so he can model a doll face after your face.

It gets worse when your parents decide you have to move in.

You see it all in real time. The outfits and at some point you see it. The doll he made to look like you. It was freaking you out and all he did was say “I made her just like you~”

You have further reason not to believe he wouldn’t commit to your fears because the staff on hand mentioned how all his exes mysteriously disappeared. You’ve read too many novels to not assume the worst.

He gets tired of this chase for your affection so he makes you sit with him while he works. It’s creepy being around so many limbs and eyes that you feel follow you.

After weeks of that he’d finally address the comments. He doesn’t say what happened to them, just that “I didn’t turn them into dolls” to make you feel better. He’s aware of the fact you’re always going to hop back to that.

You don’t know why but his parents seemed relieved when you actually make it to the marriage date. It told you enough though-clearly his exes never did. Against your better judgement you had to ask in the honeymoon.

He tells you youll never find them. They’re gone, vile, and didn’t deserve anything. It doesn’t make sense…

It starts to, however when he lets you talk with the maid again who tell you more about the girls. From the sounds of each, they were of higher standing than you and more outgoing. They went to parties! Closest thing to going to parties you did was book signings… it was clear after hearing everything that maybe he hated their outgoing personality…

Until he finds out they’ve been talking about them. It’s clear they’re side subjects and the next time you see the maid, her eye is badly injured. You ask and she just tells you a punishment was given and she can no longer speak about the former ladies.

You kept digging and digging despite what you’ve read, honestly you were turning into the protagonist that dies if you look back on your actions.

Then you find not female skeletons, but male skeletons in the basement. They forgot to lock it. He found out.

He questioned why you went down there. He loses control, which resulted in your face getting hit and your ankle broke. He’s upset when he comes down from his manic moment. Holds you… then tells you who they are. The only one without a head was his first fiancée’s affair partner. The others were men who wanted his others and he had no idea if they actually had affairs or not.

That’s why he loves you so much. You don’t have those types of connections. He doesn’t have to doubt you. He takes you upstairs and has the maids get your ankle set. It still didn’t tell you what happened to the girls… but if he kept the skeletons of the affairs… what about the girls? He said he didn’t turn them into dolls, so what did he do?

You couldn’t leave bed for weeks. He himself came to take care of you. You were his everything,the one person who didn’t betray his love once… and creepily you begin to notice something… your ankle did not get better once you healed. You needed a cane to walk. Then one day someone poisoned your food.

He went on a rampage of the servants. Blaming each one as the doctors took care of you and you learn you’ll never walk again, but at least you’re alive. You’re still able to “provide” as the man put. Your husband didn’t see it the same way you did… you saw freedom lost, but he saw an opportunity gained. He loved taking care of you, choosing your clothes and brushing your hair…

So he started doing that again. You protested at first but it seemed futile. You didn’t understand how this all could happen. You did find out it was the brother of one of the maids that poisoned you.

You felt anxious all the time… as he does your hair, as he chooses your outfits, as he takes you with him throughout the home in your wheelchair.

But he doesn’t see why? He told you how this would end. Didnt he? Didn’t he laugh at the idea of literally turning you into a doll? Didnt he say he understood doing this that made them doll like… he may have not been the reason for your legs to be paralyzed, but now you are doll like. You need him to move around the house. He picks your outfits. He brushes your hair and teeth. He personally bathes you! The only thing you ever do by yourself is eat, but if it was his way he’d do it too.

And that’s without the NSFW

Might make a part two of what would happen if you passed away. I just find the ‘makes you an actual doll’ thing too overdone at this point for this type of Yandere.

[freyaloi]

You know... I can't help but feel that Orb is talking about Junior and his father here. (also possibly referring to the royal family from their own era but anyway) Time to get my brain worms out.

When Junior's animations changed a few months ago, I've been pondering the meaning of it ever since.

I may be fairly new to the game and not particularly active but it's the story, and more specifically Junior that caught my eye and made me want to play, even if sporadically.

When I first saw him, he was a lot more confident, standing tall and proud, flourishing his cutlass as if he didn't have a care in the world.

These days, however, his animations seem a lot more guarded, he's hunched, hiding his face, turning away... He's even putting his cutlass between himself and us. Now to me, that tells me there's something wrong with him or something is going on, and I've always wondered if everything he's done in the name of his father is starting to catch up to him.

In the book where he describes himself, he gives no hint of having any evil nature. Ambitious, overconfident and a bit of an idiot? Absolutely, but not evil... But back then he didn't have any street smarts either, so to speak. Now I know being a skeleton changes things and messes with the mind, but it wasn't until he met Wanda that he fixated on Serving his Father, obsessively so, desperate to prove himself like so many others. That adoration and idealisation he had of Flameheart as a child still persists even though his mental image was reshaped by her.

Flameheart was never a good man, he was a bully and a tyrant and still is, but even though he was an absent father, he still gave Junior the best childhood he could, perhaps reliving his own ideal childhood fantasies through his newly adopted son. (that could be another reason why he adopted the child in the first place because it seems so out of character but anyway) That left Junior with a deep level of affection for him, which of course we know about... (but perhaps some melancholy too)

But the Flameheart we have now isn't the one he knew growing up. He in fact never was, only telling him an idealised version of events and keeping secrets. Junior himself says his father told him he didn't need to know what he saved the boy from. (Flameheart attacked and sank the ship Junior was on as a baby so there's that)

That brings me to my theory...

I can't help but wonder if actually working 'with' his Father has begun to create cracks in that blazing ideal image of his, that those rose-tinted glasses are beginning to slip, no matter which shape they take. He had one idea of his father in his mind as a child, that of a hero, which set him on his journey in the first place. No doubt the Cap'n gave him one too, telling him of the betrayal and the horrors he committed... Then so did Wanda, praising him, lording him, and elevating him to the kingly status Flameheart craves now. (though part of that was obviously her own ambition speaking)

But with them all out of the picture, Junior gets to see his father for who he truly is now, for the bloodthirsty, blazing pit of vicious sadistic hatred that he actually is.

For a while, I could see him obsessively working to serve his father as he said he would, in fact, we've seen this with him creating and being the face of the Reapers we know today, resurrecting his father and being his right-hand man. I'm sure for a while he would have been over the moon to be working alongside his father, the man he adored growing up, his idol, his role model... Well, you know what they say about meeting your idols...

Here we are now, with Flameheart back near his full power and seeking more and yet... You would think Junior would be elated, even with his reserved and tempered mannerisms. Yet to my eyes... He looks the complete opposite, small, retreating... in pain even....

Let's not forget he's a Skeleton Lord, even though he's nowhere near the power level of Flameheart, he's not just a regular old skeleton... So like Duke, like Wanda... He still retains the majority of his mind. And to my knowledge... He is not bound to Flameheart by magic... only by word. Junior is an intelligent man, one who has gained the use of dark magic, and knows a great deal of disciplines from the outside world. He's a studious, patient and learned man who was trained to be very observant.

So is he having second thoughts? Is that why they changed his animations? Is he beginning to see the truth of his actions and having regrets? Has he realised that the man he's working for, isn't the matching up to the ideal image in his head? (whatever that looks like now)

It could also be he's being prepared to be sacrificed in some ritual, I could see Flameheart doing something like that to maintain his status and power... after all, his biggest fear is being beaten... and currently the biggest potential threat to him... is his right-hand man... as always. After all, it wouldn't be out of fashion for a King's closest advisor and Servant to inevitably betray them.

It would be poetic and fitting for Flameheart (should he need to be defeated at some point for plot resolution) to be beaten by his hubris again, at the hand of his second-in-command. After all, Junior had always dreamed of surpassing his father's legend... And betrayal is a founding principle of the Reaper's Bones... A founding act that Flameheart himself initiated three decades ago.

And we all know, Junior is not safe... but then, now that Flameheart is back, with a thirst for vengeance and army at his fingertips... nobody is.

Anyway, this is my long-ass theoretical ramble that I desperately needed to get out of my brain (god there is so much more i could add but this is plenty long enough so props to you if you read this marathon of prattling). I could be completely off the mark, but fair enough, but this is what I do, latch onto a character, learn the lore and theorise. :)

Anyway, let's see where the story goes, as always me and Raven will be watching from the sidelines with popcorn in hand.

[drownedinlavender]

Helloooo, so I'm writing a long kyman fic. It's gonna be a slow burn multi-chapter one. I got like a good 1/3 of it down with like a skeleton of events mapped out. Since I haven't been active in any fandom or like written fanfic since I was a teen, I wanted to post an excerpt to kinda test the waters a bit haha I'm kinda shy about sharing stuff but was greatly inspired by a lot of people's work.

Anyway, the premise is Cartman impulsively taking the fall on something and being admitted to inpatient cause of it. This excerpt is when he facetimes the gang to tell them about it. Stan and Kenny are at school during lunch, Kyle's at the hospital (has to do with what Cartman took the blame for), and Eric's at home about to leave.

I'd greatly appreciate any criticism or input! Thank u for ur time 💜💖 ^^)/

"Dude, a psych ward? That sounds pretty serious," Stan looks mildly concerned.

"It is serious, Stan. That's why Kyle's gonna owe me big time when I get back," Eric smuggly declares, "Like sucking my balls big big time."

Kenny sneakers at the brunette still obsessing over a bet they made years ago when they were just kids.

"Man, you gotta lay off the balls thing, Cartman. That's hella gay," Stan drily informs while munching on a fry.

"Hey! It's not gay! It's about humiliation and having power over an individual," Eric offendedly denies, choosing to die on that hill.

Kyle, who has been absolutely seething in the background, finally bursts, "Fuck you, Cartman! I didn't ask you to cover for me, you did that all on your own!"

Eric scoffs, "Okay, fine, Kahl, would you prefer me going to PC principal and telling him I take it all back. That he should take you off the team like he wanted? Is that what you want, Kahl?"

Kyle tenses his jaw muscles as he grinds his teeth. Of course that's not what he wants but is Cartman holding one over his head any better? His eyes flicker to the side as he contemplates for a brief moment. Stan continues eating, staring at his screen waiting for his best friend to speak as if he's watching an enthralling reality tv show. Once Kenny's giggling fit finally subsides, he lays his head on one outstretched arm and sneaks a French fry from whoever's lunch tray is right across from him.

"Fine," Kyle bitterly concedes with a sigh, "but I'm not helping you do anything illegal like murder or whatever. And I'm definitely not sucking your balls," he points at Cartman through the screen.

"Oh…" a small voice utters in surprise across the room from Kyle. The redhead looks up at a shocked nurse half way through the door. "I-I'll come back in a second to check your vitals," she embarrassedly scurries out of the room.

Kyle's mortified face soon matches his hair. "God, damn it, Cartman!"

Kenny practically dies of laughter, not even bothering to hold his phone up right anymore.

"Dude," Stan snorts before cracking up as well.

Kyle hides his face with one hand, trying with every fiber of his being to maintain any ounce of composure he can muster before combusting from rage.

Eric's amused smile warps into a shit eating grin, he absolutely could not be any more delighted by the current turn of events. He obnoxiously clears his throat before continuing, "Very well, I'll leave a legally binding contract in your room before departing, Kahl. Now Kenny," he seamlessly changes the topic.

Kenny straightens himself out the best he can. "Uh-huh?" He responds through tears.

"Wait a second, fatass, do NOT break into my room!" Kyle protests.

Eric purposely ignores his rival, knowing it'll anger him further. "Kenny, my mom says you can use your spare key to clear out my fridge whenever. She's gonna stay up in Denver with some cousin until I'm out. We don't want the food rotting up and stinking up the place so do it sooner rather than later, got it?"

"Seriously, dude?!" Kenny immediately straightens himself out in elated surprise. Woohoo!" He cheers. He knows their fridge is always packed so he and his little sister are definitely set for bit.

"Knock yourself out, dude, just don't let anything rot in there. Seriously, I'll kick your ass if I come back and my house reeks like spoiled ass."

"You got it, bro," Kenny assures with a thumbs up.

"Don't ignore me, asshole!" Kyle's demands only serve to further Cartman's amusement.

"Welp, gotta go pack up some essentials. Don't know how long I'll have to be admitted … but it's all worth it for my dear friend Kahl's sake," Eric fakes sincerity. With a hand over his heart, he winks at Kyle.

"Oh, Fuck off," Kyle rolls his eyes.

"Well, good luck, dude. Don't blow up the place trying to escape," Stan waves goodbye from his screen.

"Guys, wanna say bye to Cartman? He's gonna go do some time at a loony bin," Kenny asks, reversing his camera to show the rest of their lunch table.

"We heard. You guys are super loud," Craig complains before biting his burger.

"Hey! Don't call it a loony bin, asswipe! That's totally insensitive to people with mental health issues. Not cool dude," Cartman condescendingly lectures, doing what he does best, playing the victim.

"Cartman's getting admitted? Dude, that's crazy!" Tweek comments.

"Wait, who's getting what now?" Clyde looks up from his phone, unaware of the conversation going on around him.

"Cartman, dude, he got in trouble again so PC principal's sending him to a psych ward," Tweek rapidly explains.

"Oh," Clyde responds in his usual nasally tone.

"All in order to save Kyle from getting kicked off the team," Cartman adds.

"Don't act like you did it from the kindness of your heart, fatass!" Kyle quickly corrects.

"First it's Cartman, then they'll be coming for the rest of us!" The jittery blond panics.

Craig pats his boyfriend's shoulder. "No they won't, honey, we don't cause the town to blow up every other month like they do."

"Hey!" Kyle indignantly exclaims.

"We haven't been directly responsible for the town's destruction for like," Stan counts the time in his head, "at least a year now!" He defends himself and his friends, receiving a middle finger from an unimpressed Craig.

"L-l-later, Eric, don't dr-dro-dr-dro-drop the soap," Jimmy jokes before offering up his signature smile.

"Jim, that's for jail," Tolkien corrects.

"Aw, we'll miss you, Eric! Don't take too long in the psych ward!" Butters gleefully shouts.

Kyle rolls his eyes, feeling himself getting more and more irritated by the situation at hand. "Oh, for Pete's sake, it's not like he's dying, you guys." The longer these farewells are dragging on, the more he can feel a twinge of guilt spreading throughout his subconscious and twisting up his guts.

"Poopsikins, mommy can't find Mr. Kitty's carrier, do you remember where we left it?" Liane can be heard calling from the background.

"Just a second, meeem!" Eric hollers off camera before getting back in frame and sticking out his tongue with a peace sign, "Later, losers ~ " he sings-songs and hangs up.

"You know …. For someone being sent off to an insane asylum, he seems really unbothered by it," Tolkien points out.

Kyle's eyes flicker down for just a second before choosing to quickly dismiss further analyzing Cartman's reaction to being sent away. "Well, yeah, it's Cartman. Do you really expect him to react normally about anything?"

"That's true," Tolkien immediately agrees, chalking it up to Cartman just being Cartman.

For a brief moment, Kyle remembers the time he was admitted when the town wouldn't believe him about Mr. Hankey but before he can even decide on entertaining that thought, Stan speaks.

"Wow … so he's really leaving, huh?" Stan says more than asks, looking a bit absent minded.

"I guess so," Kenny pensively looks down at the lunch table, head resting on crossed arms. He turns to Stan and forlornly admits, "dude … I'm actually feeling kinda bummed out."

Kyle bites the inside of his cheek. The reality of their current predicament further sinking in.

"Aw, Ken," Stan frowns and pats Kenny's shoulder.

"It's okay, Ken," Butters comforts, patting Kenny's back, "he said so himself, he probably won't be there for long."

"Isn't this a good thing though? Things are going to be a lot more peaceful while he's gone," Tolkien suggests.

"If Cartman gets admitted for the rest of the school year, I'll be sooooo happy," Craig chants in a monotone.

A sniffle directs everyone's focus towards Clyde.

"Clyde, you okay, buddy?" Craig puts down his lunch to fully focus on his friend's concerns.

"We *sniff* were starting to *sniff* get along more *sniff* this year," he powers through a closing throat.

Kyle bites his cheek even harder. Cartman was certainly a lot tamer as of late. Things were finally getting comfortable between the two of them, too.

"He was being a lot c-coo-c-coo-cooler this y-year," Jimmy admits.

The nurse knocks before entering Kyle's room this time. "I'm going to take your vitals again, okay?" She smiles.

"Yeah, sure," Kyle replies before addressing his friends, "I gotta go guys. Stan, can you come pick up my keys and move my car before my parents get back? I have a minor concussion so I'm under observation for a bit."

"Yeah, dude, totally," Stan confirms.

"Later," Kenny mumbles, waving with one hand, his face fully immersed in his crossed arms.

"Alright, thanks, see you guys later," Kyle says his goodbyes, queuing the nurse to begin taking his blood pressure.

Kyle barely moves, too busy contemplating Eric's departure. First, Stan moves and now Cartman's going to be gone for God knows how long? He bitterly sighs.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Review Blurbs: Deadpool and Wolverine

Is this late as shit? Yes. Am I sorry? Yes. Is there a point to this part of the post? Probably not.

--General Thoughts--

-If there's one thing Deadpool does best, its their music montage openers. I was jamming out so hard to the "Bye Bye Bye" sequence, it's the best gag of the DP movies imo

-Aspect of the movie I didn't think I'd like as much as I did was the music score. Both the featured songs and most surprisingly the original score were hype (big budget productions like MCU works aren't really known for their soundtracks save for central themes and they haven't been getting me as much since Portals in Endgame, but the LFG theme absolutely fucks). Props to DP for always going out of its way to do fun stuff with the scores like with Holy Shit Balls in DP 2

-It warmed my heart when all the people Wade had met were there for his surprise party. And how he carried their picture and said he only had 9 people in his life but those 9 people were his world. Most emotional part of the movie for me personally

-Bringing in Johnny Storm instead of Cap was fucking genius. When he said "flame on" and shot into the air just like the old days? 10/10 Welcome back Mr. Storm

-I was tweaking the hell out when Elektra, Blade, Gambit and Laura came in omg I don't care if its lazy fan pandering I'm the fan being pandered to and I fucking love character cameos (fuck Twitter for spoiling the Gambit cameo for me but at least the rest were a surprise)

-Blade going "there's only one Blade and will only ever be one" and DP looking straight into the camera... nice (Blade is getting a movie in 2025 for those who didn't know)

-Someone on the Deadpool writer's team really likes Juggernaut. Like really likes Juggernaut. Good for them

-I'm wondering how many people were confused by the appearance of Lady Deadpool (never in all my years did I think we'd get her on the big screen, hell yeah)

-The storyline was more consistent and interesting than I thought it would be, DP fucking around with the TVA and the Void was not something I expected (and him using the "worst" Wolverine to save his timeline was actually really sweet and a compelling plot point for this new Logan)

-The humor was also great, my expectations for Marvel works have been pretty low for a while so this really was an awesome surprise for how much I enjoyed it

-I hate retcons unless there's a really damn good reason so I'm glad they kept that the Logan Wolverine is dead (the bit of DP finding his skeleton and throwing a tantrum was great)

-There were issues with some of the emotional beats but the ones that hit really had that Marvel touch that I've missed, especially when Nova was in Logan's mind and suddenly made the voices in his head cut off into dead silence, I got chills (very Multiverse of Madness-esque, I loved it)

-I've seen people shouting it out and yeah they're right, we finally got practical effects! I'm glad the movie committed to costuming and practical effects instead of CGI (CGI can be great but Marvel has really been lacking). And eventually Wolverine's classic suit actually grew on me, the yellow from him and DP's red compliment each other really well visually (long live the ketchup and mustard duo)

-"You got the wrong guy" "You were always the wrong guy... 'till you weren't" god this line... this is what I expect out of a Wolverine plotline, and it shows how much of an influence Logan had on Laura. This really felt like a love letter to Wolverine

-I love Jennifer Garner and I'm so glad she got to play Elektra and give a proper homage to the character, as well as Tatum's Gambit and the og Blade (you don't understand I am obsessed with this Elektra what is it about Marvel girls in red help me)

-Also adored them getting Wesley Snipes back for Blade to pay him homage, his performance really felt like a man out of time when he played Blade exactly as he did in 1998, and it gave a certain nostalgic feeling even for someone like me who didn't watch the og Blade (I believe the word is "anemoia"). Hard to describe but it felt special, you don't get the chance to pull off something like this in cinema too often and I'm very happy they pulled it off here

-The actors knocked it out of the fucking park. I forgot how much I loved Ryan Reynold's DP since it isn't always comic accurate but holy shit this movie made me fall in love all over again, and Hugh Jackman killed it as always (the scene where he put his head up to Wade's gun was phenomenal). Chris Evans' Johnny Storm was almost jarring from how long its been since he was cemented as Captain America lmao but the man's still got it, Rob Delaney as Mr. Paradox was very fun to watch, Emma Corrin had an insane amount of facial control for Cassandra Nova, and Jennifer Garner actually stole my fucking heart with Elektra

-LAURAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I love Laura Kinney so much holy shit was I happy to see her here. They did her so well, she's matured a lot and was wise enough to get through to Logan and tell him what he needed to hear, while also being just as aggressively feral in combat as she was in Logan because who is Laura Kinney if not someone who shouts war cries before slicing a dude's ankles off? (and the sunglasses, girl I hadn't even thought about those). The details show how much care they put into paying homage to Laura and doing her justice, probably the best written character in the movie for me next to the literal main characters. She was different, and grown up, but still so Laura, the same rowdy kid we loved in Logan. So happy to see my not-so-little devil child back in action <3

-The car scene.

-Genuinely curious about the increase in search results for the Honda Odyssey and if sales were affected after this movie, if anyone finds that data get back to me

-The scene where Wade meets Dogpool/Mary Puppins and she's licking his mouth and you think he's allowing it cause he's distracted and then a moment later he opens his mouth more and you realize he's very aware there is a dog shoving its tongue in his mouth and he lets it happen cause he's a goddamn freak while keeping eye contact with Nicepool the entire time had me fucking cackling (its some gross humor that hits for me)

-DP introducing Logan all nervously to Blind Al was... an interesting choice. Very heterosexual of them.

-Deadpool throwing in an "I'm genderblind" joke went over so many people's heads

-The credits montage was so damn sweet. For some reason the MCU seems to hate the X-Men and the clips made me feel like the people behind this movie really cared for the old Marvel properties (Elektra, Blade, and especially the X-Men). It got me when they started showing Fantastic Four, X-Men and First Class BTS footage, those were some of the first Marvel movies I ever watched and First Class was what really got me into the X-Men, it made me really happy seeing flashes of it all <3

-The MCU will never be Earth-616 GIVE IT UP FEIGE

--Criticisms--

-Tonally and structurally, the movie was kind of all over the place (not horrifically so, but the structure definitely could've been better). They put a lot of time into character cameos, some of which weren't necessary (sorry Sabretooth)

-Certain emotional moments would abruptly cut off into the next scene and it was very jarring (the moment when DP is pouring his heart to Logan at the TVA felt rushed, as did multiple other moments)

-They ran the meta jokes into the fucking ground, I would've made them more sparse so it didn't lose its flavor. I love a good fourth wall break but they overdid it (DP headbutting the camera and the withered remains of the Fox logo were great bits, but after that the jokes kept happening and it lost its effect)

-Nicepool was... meh. Felt like his bit overstayed its welcome and then I was just bored (though I did laugh at "The Proposal")

-I realize the humor parts that didn't hit for me were when the movie overdid a certain bit, if they kept it in moderation it would've landed better for people who aren't the biggest on DP's style of humor imo. Not all the humor hit for me, but more of it hit than I expected so cheers to that

-Some of the fight choreography felt a bit bland, and others were hard to keep track of cause of how fast-paced it was. Thankfully there were multiple fight scenes and some were great so it wasn't the worst issue, but this is a Marvel action movie so it does stand out to me when its off

-Gambit felt off to me and I think its cause Channing Tatum was so focused on getting the Cajun accent down his acting was a bit stiff, no hate to him cause that shit's hard but its a lesson in how putting on accents can really affect your acting ability (British actors who do other accents have to study and practice for years)

-Cassandra Nova was... interesting. Not sure why Marvel leaned so goddamn hard into the "creepy woman who eerily taunts you" trope because that very much is a trope and it can be very annoying (*cough cough* male writers *cough cough*). She was most fascinating when she acted like an actual person and outside of that she felt very tropey, I would've wanted more personality

-In lieu of the above, I was heavily disappointed with how Cassandra's arc went. When she let DP and Logan go and got the info from Pyro about the Time Rippers, I really thought they were building her up to be a big villain down the line (and we'd see her in other MCU properties, maybe something with Dr. Strange or Wanda, or even a way to introduce more X-Men). She became more morally gray in the second act and I thought we'd have a interesting and complex anti-hero/villain but then they reverted her back to her prior trope and killed her off by the third act. Hugely wasted potential and given how dirty they did Wanda it left a shit taste in my mouth for the MCU's female antagonists (especially considering how well done Sylvie was in Loki)

-Hate how they did Vanessa. Her character motivations were inconsistent from the previous movies, and it felt like the writers didn't know where to go with her and DP yet keep making the them a couple. Vanessa and Wade not lasting because of his immortality is interesting, it could've made for a very impactful lesson on how you need to enjoy what you have and fight for it even if it won't last, with DP finding community among a fellow regenerative hero (Logan), but they just didn't go anywhere with that. And the breakup was meant to be a huge thing for Wade to try and want to be better but it feels unearned when Vanessa just... gets back with him? Cause he saved the world? It's very "get the girl" with no thought to how or why Vanessa would've changed her mind and its fucking annoying. Alternatively, Wade fighting tooth and nail to save Vanessa and her not getting back with him but them rekindling their friendship like Eddie did with Anne in Venom could've been such a great display of men and women bonding despite a lack of romance, but the movie decided to do the most lazy comphet shit possible and give Vanessa no character to make her get back with Wade

-And another thing Wade failing to get into the Avengers because he wanted to keep Vanessa from breaking up with him and Happy not being convinced could've been a phenomenal message on how motivations need to be about wanting better for yourself to do actual good in the world but then it never happened

-Not to mention it pissed me off when the movie made such a stance on how Wade's whole world was his friends and he'd do anything to save them, yet had his entire motivation towards the end being just to save Vanessa (his whole fucking montage when he was getting anti-mattered was about Vanessa and no one else). What happened to Blind Al? Peter? Negasonic and Yukio? Colossus? They just not as important anymore cause they're not a romance option? Fuck off Marvel.

-I noticed the distinct lack of intimacy between Negasonic and Yukio and before anyone whines, no its not necessary to have explicit intimacy for them to be a romantic pairing, but for the love of god use your braincells cause I know for a damn fact they never kiss or anything so its easy for the censorship countries to translate them as just being friends. Disney is goddamn spineless and I swear to god every problem I have with this movie can be traced back to them

-I feel like a Deadpool movie is quite literally the one movie they can afford to make a joke when it comes to you-know-who from the first movie but I'm sure they had their reasons

-Felt like Logan's backstory and guilty complex was built up a lot just to have it be that he wasn't around when the X-Men got killed cause he was drinking, kind of a disappointing payoff (I think it could've worked, just wasn't feeling it much from this execution)

-Would've liked more scenes with Deadpool's loved ones throughout the movie, they had so little screen time it kinda fell flat when they were brought up as motivation for Wade. We're supposed to rely on the previous movies to show us why they matter but even sequels need some basis as a stand-alone, or there would be absolutely no reason to watch it if you haven't watched the others

--Final Thoughts--

Overall, great movie. The issues I had with it didn't take away from my enjoyment, and if anything the reason I have so many criticisms is because I was so invested to begin with. I thoroughly enjoyed it the whole way through, Deadpool and Wolverine was every bit as gimmicky and campy in the best ways that you'd expect from a DP movie, and I'd highly recommend it for anyone that wants a bit of gratuitous action and a good time.

[botanyshitposts]

is that why you think mammals have more than two sexes

idk if this was supposed to be like, a bizarre transphobic jab, but partially, actually. in biology very, very few things actually occur in binary groups; i prefer to imagine biological sex, as well as gender, by imagining two overlapping bell curves. there’s an average that we expect from gender and sex matching up at birth because most people will fall within the first quartile of the curves where all the most average genes were turned on and all the non-genetic factors surrounding that turn out in an average expected way, and there are more people who still are just as male or female but have different genes turned on and off or whatnot and wouldnt check every single box if like, The Chromosome Police showed up and made them do a cheek swab or whatever, and there are people who are intersex, which covers a wide range of different expressions of the genome.

but! we don’t have The Chromosome Police and we don’t need them, because we have gender to do this for us, which is something that has much more to do with a mix of genetic and sociological factors. in my opinion, gender makes it so that even if you’re a cis man who doesnt have like, idk penis gene #435 on the Y chromosome, youre still a man, and even if youre a woman who doesnt have vagina gene #874 turned on, youre still a woman. hell, some people go their entire lives without knowing that they have full extra chromosomes. it just....it just doesnt matter.

to expand on this, my theory is that gender serves the function of convenience more than like, a law or whatever; we have a system where there are usually a small set of things that happen as a result of a wide range of thousands of different things that turn off and on during development, and a lot of different moving parts are going on in that department that help mitigate disaster if one deletes itself or whatever, and not all those things are guaranteed to turn on or off, and as a result we’ve developed a system where regardless of whats in your pants- because anything could be there, honestly, evolution works in systems and as a result doesnt know or care- there’s a social thing that functions differently on another level thats more elastic, so no matter if you’re a woman who was born with one singular penis gene turned on or a woman who had a lot of them turn on, you both can kind of be in the same clump of ‘people who are this’. not ‘people who look like this’ or ‘people who do this thing’ or ‘people who have x combinations of chromosomes’, but ‘people who, for whatever multitude of reasons and results or relationships with themselves, are this way or another way or are existing successfully in some distant combination of ways’, and having those people around- if we follow this theory- apparently was not at all disastrous enough for evolution to pump the breaks and start killing people who never activated Penis And Vagina Gene #1456. in fact, trans people have been around as long as humans have, and that includes nonbinary people, intersex people, and cis people with different gender expressions. ancient societies had us around, there are just as many of us now as there always was, and biology just. it does not care.

think of all the things that go into a person. there is a whole lot of stuff that we do not understand. there are so many things that could change, or differ from individual to individual, and having a lot of moving parts like this with millions of different viable combinations of biological and environmental things works, because it means that the entire system doesnt break like a fucking twig if both a penis and a vagina gene turn on at the same time, or if little grog in the forest grows up hunting mammoths with his 8 moms and no dads in a nomadic tribe in prehistoric france. it also means that even if someone ends up as another combination, they dont immediately collapse into a heap of dust! great system, for the most part.

now, this is all contentious. first of all, this is my own set of theories on why this exists, and second of all i have complex feelings about the science surrounding this itself; as a biologist im fascinated, but as a trans queer person it’s terrifying. the reason this is is because there are two groups of people who want to learn things like this: people who actually want to study the details of human sex and gender, and people who want to find The Ultimate Queer Gene to ‘fix’ us forever, which like. as ive covered before. egregious moral, ethical, and basic human rights reasons aside. not something that actually would improve us as a species even if we did go to the farthest ends of the bell curves i mentioned and manage to transform the entire human race into two massive homogeneous supermale and superfemale groups with only the the most Epic And Extreme big dick and boob genes selected for (or, if were going off TERF logic, femurs of a bizarrely specific length or like, a skull shape or smth, you can see where this goes very quickly).

like. this shit is complicated. it is. sometimes, things in biology- especially when it comes to real people of our own species- are best left as enigmas, you know what im saying. but in the meantime, we can take estimates, we can say ‘we can make an educated guess about the biological sex of a skeleton by looking at their pelvis’, but we cant say ‘all cis women have femurs of exactly x cm, which is absolutely a normal and not creepy thing to obsess over’, and we cant say ‘all human beings are either male or female and that looks one of two ways’, because as we know from intersex people and all the other caveats in this subject, this is not true.

we can say with confidence that most human beings have a gender that matches what is average for their biological sex (which doesnt always define itself as the exact same set of characteristics to begin with) but not always, and most human beings have have a gender which falls vaguely under the umbrella of two vaguely defined existences, but not always, and most women have a femur length between x and x cm long, but women come in all shapes and sizes and therefore it isnt a good way to define what being a living breathing person of a particular circumstance means or looks like, holy shit, etc, and we can use this knowledge to make educated guesses about the world, but we can also use knowledge of what isn’t the majority of people to make educated guesses about what those guesses mean, and what roles they play (and hopefully will get some more rights in the meantime).

so yeah like. most people are one of two biological sexes, but its more complicated than ‘peepis or vagornio’, you feel.

[foxheartedfantasy]

More Eris Vanserra headcanons because I refuse to give up this obsession

- Eris has a pet fox. It’s one of my personal headcanons that fey associated animals are typically longer lived, so Eris has had this same fox since he found it when he was like seven. It was a small fight with his father over whether to keep the thing, but he did train it quite well. His names is Bars, short for Bartholomew, and he rarely lets anyone but Eris touch him. This is a direct result of Eris’ training him as a messenger (and an incident where Beron threw the animal into the river after it got too close to him). The only person Bars will approach aside from Eris is Lucien, whose pockets he shoves his nose into, often looking for any time of food or treat. 

- Eris spends a lot of his free time writing music. He knows how to play piano, violin, and a few wind instruments, though piano matched with his voice is typically his favorite outlet. He learned these as a necessity as a prince, but actually took to it quite quickly. He doesn’t often play in front of other people. 

- Eris has an obsession with magical theory. It’s applications, origins, and any experimentation are something he often reads often and studies, spending a large amount of time ‘playing’ with his magic to see what he can do. This has led to an extraordinary amount of control out of it. (Said control also developed out of necessity, as his fire magic is directly connected to his emotions. This more often than not leads him to come off as cold and aloof, when he is often just trying not to burst at the seams and set everything on fire). 

- Eris’s office is the only messy room that can be claimed as his. He keeps his bedroom pristine, and his estate is also immaculate. His office however is a mess of chaotically organized bookshelves, stacks upon stacks of drawings, writings, and sheet music. There are various little jars of things he’s collected from the forest, from small, preserved skeletons, to animal teeth he’s found, to full jars of acorns he collected on a whim. 

- He gets very homesick, very quickly when in other courts, and often dresses in reds despite not actually thinking it meshes with his hair color well. He prefers burgundies / red-violet colors, but usually defaults to gray and gold when he doesn’t want to stand out. He also prides himself on being the best dressed of all his brothers, often irritating his tailors with his pickiness over design. He does not know how to design clothes, but he certainly knows what details he likes. 

- Speaking of being picky with clothes, Eris is slightly finicking when it comes to how his clothes fit. He hates stiff necklines on clothing, but has been essentially taught not to pick at his collar. This does not prevent him from fixing his hair every time it is visible to him, even if it’s not messed up. This absolutely comes from his mother’s habit of fixing his hair whenever she can get him still long enough. 

- Slight appearance headcanons: Eris actually has quite a slight build, especially when compared to Beron who I always imagine as mildly bulky. He most closely matches his mother in posture, build, and especially the way he speaks, but his facial features and physical mannerisms and posturing more closely resembles Beron. Eris also despises facial hair, and unfortunately has to shave most days. He also has small flecks of blue in his eyes, though since they’re mostly golden brown, it’s almost impossible to tell. 

[stellocchia]

Okay, okay, Undertale AU now. 

So... I’ve been playing Undertale again... as I do once a year since it came out. It’s tradition. So I was kind of thinking who from the Dsmp whould fit which role... and yeah... 

(I also wanted to add that none of the characters who are in a romantic relationship in the game are in this au. As a matter of fact, no romance in general here!)

First of all, we gotta give the role of Frisk to Ranboo, not because he played Undertale, but because of that one time that he told the story of how he flirted with his opponents in volleyball (was it volleyball? Maybe another sport. It’s irrelevant!) and that’s simply a very Frisk thing to do...

Then first monster we encounter is Flowey and... I mean... that’s c!Dream right there. All the focus on “fun” and “power” and seeing life as a “game” and the bloodlust... yeah, no that’s definitely Dream right there. 

Then Toriel comes in! Yay! Puffy is Toriel, no doubt. Both of them have a focus on protecting the children and they’re both really kind, but can get hella scary when angry... 

Also Niki is Napstablook ... mostly because she basically did end up haunting/being haunted by the Secret City for a while... also pretty sure both like music and are pretty soft spoken

Then we get the skeleton brothers! Well, Sans first... and who would fit Sans better then Wilbur! Both of their characters struggled heavily with mental health related problems and they are both really strong but somehow also weak at the same time... (strongest boss in the game with 1 hp and all that) not to mention that they both have way too many simps...

Also that means Tommy is Papyrus. I do not make the rules here. Hyper younger brother who is endlessly optimistic and soft hearted? Yep! That’s him!

Which, may have you think that Tubbo is Undyne because, you know, best friends, but no. Undyne is, in fact, Philza Minecraft everybody. They don’t call him Angel of Death for nothing, so he definitely gets to be the captain of the royal guard in this one! He’s just a much more laid back but equally deadly Undyne.

Also Techno gets the role of the socially anxious nerdy scientist, because he’s been ibernating under a pile of dogs for a few months now and also because he once got peer pressured into murder much like Alphys did into building a murderous robot... so yeah. 

Also, to complete the ghost family now: Jack Manifold gets the role of Mad Dummy, cousin of Napstablook, because they’re both short, bald and full of spite

And none other then Eret gets the role of Mettaton (other cousin of Napstablook) because they’re both absolutely fabulous and because they’d rock the Mettaton EX form...

Moving on,Schlatt is Asgore. He and Puffy are brother and sister. Why? Because they are both sheeps and it would fit... though admittedly Schlatt has had less moral qualms with killing children then Asgore so far, they do both have that in common as well

Which brings us to Tubbo inevitably being Asriel, because sheep guy, but also because, as a character, he has a history of being pushed around by power hungry people with more charisma then him, and also because Asriel in his God of Hyperdeath form has a f*cking rainbow laser cannon and I think that’s a very Tubbo thing to have...

Quackity is Chara. Both are pretty vengful and power-hungry characters who are not afraid of doing some seriously f*cked up shit to get to their goals, but also they both care about those close to them deeply and have a sort of tragedy to their character

Also Awesamdude gets to be Gaster, and no it’s not only because there is as much Awesamdad fan content as there was Dadster despite neither of them ever being confirmed as canon, but because both characters are brilliant inventors who got screwed over by their own creation...

For some other fun bonuses I could think about: 

Sapnap as Monster Kid just because of the absurdly chaotic personality

BBH gets to be Muffet, for no particular reason aside from general vibe

Foolish as Burgerpants because they’re both underpaid and extremely stressed

Punz as Grillby because: money and intimidating aura

Purpled as Nice Cream Guy because: money

And this is pretty much all I could think about... I would include others but I’m kind of stomped at the moment...

So here’s some revisited quotes instead (under the cut):

Flowey!Dream: “Howdy! it’s me Dream. Dream the Dreamon!”

Toriel!Puffy: “Did you want to hear about the book I’m reading? It’s called “72 ways to crack an Egg”. How about it?”

Papyrus!Tommy: “Ah yes, Music Disks, a great reference for theoretical battle scenarios and parties! To which I get invited just constantly!”

Papyrus!Tommy: “W-well, that’s not what I expected... but st- still! I believe in you prick! You can definitely do better! Even if you don’t think so! I... promise....”

Sans!Wilbur: “On days like this, kids like you... should be suffering in Limbo!”

Sans!Wilbur: “Just... don’t say I didn’t warn you. Well. I’m going to Punz’s. Tommy, do you want anything?”

Undyne!Phil: “...Forget it. Look mate. Tommy didn't come to his meeting today. Say what you want about him. He's loud, he's bit selfish, he's obsessed with disks... But Tommy has NEVER missed a meeting. (...) But now he's gone. And his brother isn't around, either. ... What did you do to him? What did you DO TO HIM? Tommy, who I have trained every day... Even though I KNOW he's too soft to ever hurt anyone. Tommy who is... was just a child... ... Go ahead. Prepare however you want. But when you step forward... I will KILL you”

Alphys!Techno: “A long time ago, I made a robot named Eret. Originally I built them to be a farmer robot for my potatoes... didn’t turn out quite right there. Anyway, recently I decided to make them more useful. Heh, you know, just some practical adjustments.... and I might have been carried away a bit and added some, um... Anti-human combat features?”

Asgore!Schlatt: “I'd like to ask, 'would you like a protein shake?' But... you know how it is”

Asriel!Tubbo: “I always was a pushover, wasn’t I, Quackity? I know... you’re not actually Quackity are you? Quackity’s been gone for a long time. Um... what... what is your name? Ranboo? That’s... a weird name bossman...”

Chara!Quackity: “Hey man. I am Quackity. Thank you man. Your power brought me back from Limbo. My "human soul"... my "determination"... they were not mine, but YOURS. At first, I was so confused. Our plan had failed, hadn't it? Why was I brought back to life? ...You. With your “guidance” I realized the purpose of my reincarnation: POWER”

[kindahoping4forever]

...Ready For It? // Ashton Irwin

Thank you to everyone who said they wanted to read this story, whether it was in the poll I posted 12 hours ago or when I first posted In My Dreams... You Should See The Things We Do back in June (!) - I actually started working on this not that long after I posted and while the skeleton concept stayed the same, everything else was kind of fluid until last month when I finally felt satisfied with it. As always, thank you to @cal-puddies​ for listening to me whine and obsess over every detail and for (virtually) slapping me upside the head every time I said I was going to just scrap it (and there were many times, trust.)

Note this is a sequel but I think there’s enough context within this piece that you’d be able to enjoy as a standalone if you haven’t read or forgot what happened during In My Dreams...

Warnings: Sexual tension, frustration and resolution. I couldn’t figure out how to do specific warnings without also spoiling the narrative (yes, really) so this is kind of a blanket fluffy smut warning. The sex is explicit in detail but not extreme in nature. ‘Tis a soft, dirty story you’re about to read. Also yes, Ash wears the mountain pants again and no, I will not apologize.��

Word Count: 10,555

Masterlist // Ko-Fi and New 2021 Taglist linked above

Let  me  know  what  you  think!

“I can’t say this is how I imagined getting you out of your clothes for the first time but after months of isolation, I’ll take what I can get,” you quip.

Ashton giggles as he peels off his button down shirt, leaving him in a classic white tank. “I can’t say anything about tonight has gone the way I imagined it would,” he confesses. “I’m sorry things have been kind of a bust.”

You try not to blatantly ogle his muscular build as you playfully jab, “You mean, you didn’t spend all that time longing for us to spend hours waiting outside a restaurant for a socially distant table only to be turned away because now it’s closing time and ending up having to eat drive thru burgers in the backseat of your car?”

“With ketchup dripping all over one of my best shirts? And you saving the day with a suspiciously convenient stain remover pen?” He riffs, passing his top to you.

“Exactly how I pictured it,” you shrug, dabbing at his shirt with the aforementioned magic pen.  “Shame, our fantasies tend to match up a lot better than this.”

You’d never thought much of long distance relationships and you especially never thought you’d find yourself in one with only a few miles separating you but 2020 had been full of surprises; getting to know Ash had turned out to be the silver lining in an otherwise terrible year. 

You’ve each reflected on it plenty and agreed it seems as if your connection was destined to see you both through this strange period. You met at the last party you were invited to before quarantine started, you ran into each other again at the last concert either of you got to attend. Your first date was also your final restaurant meal, the last time you went to a movie was with a group of mutual friends and you sat next to him, giggling like a teenager, intentionally brushing his fingers in the popcorn tub.

When the stay at home order was issued, it didn’t take long for you to check in with each other and while it wasn’t an easy time, you were grateful to build a bond with literally no outside influence. And now after countless texted inside jokes, heart to heart phone calls (and more than a few naughty ones), restrictions had been relaxed and you were finally able to reunite. Only the real world is proving to be a bit more complicated than either of you remember.

“You know, I’m not usually a ‘hop in the backseat on a first date’ kind of gal, but this is pretty fun,” you joke.

Ashton grins. “If it makes you feel any better, I think technically this is maybe our third or fourth date?”

“Anything pre-quarantine doesn’t count,” you shake your head insistently. “That was a lifetime ago, another world. I cook now, I go for walks, I do crosswords now. Whoever you went out with in The Before Times - I don’t know her.”

His loud laugh fills the car and the warmth of it overwhelms you; after months of hearing it through a speaker, you can’t believe you’re finally getting to witness it in person. 

"So if we’re starting over at square one, then what’s the explanation for that kiss you laid on me when I picked you up?” He teases.

“I’m a complex woman, I feel like you should know that by now,” you reply with a coy shrug, handing him his now stain free shirt.

The two of you finish your meals, chatting happily and making non-stop jokes about what a fail your date was. You’re relieved at how natural things are flowing; you knew there was undeniable chemistry but part of you was still nervous about getting used to being around each other - another person, even - again. But beyond the standard date jitters, things were comfortable and familiar.

Your anxiety briefly returns as he pulls the car into your driveway. Of course you want to invite him in, you’ve been waiting so long to invite him in but things just feel… off. You turn, ready to offer an apologetic goodnight but before you get a chance, he’s turning to look at you sheepishly.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but would you mind if we maybe called it a night?” He rushes out, nervously running a hand through his hair. You watch him, fascinated. You’re still not used to how long his hair got in quarantine and you’re definitely not used to seeing him bashful. “I know we joked about it and I appreciate you being cool about everything but I really did want to give you the night out you deserve… and that just didn’t happen. I’d like to try again.”

Your heart swells at his sincerity; he’d always been so genuine and open over the phone, but it’s almost overwhelming experiencing it while he’s looking into your eyes. “Have I never told you that ketchup stains are one of my biggest turn ons?” You tease, hoping to ease some of his obvious embarrassment. “Hey, we’ve waited this long, what’s a little bit longer?”

A little bit longer ends up being the following weekend. It turns out, coming up with romantic and yet responsibly distanced date ideas is harder than either of you thought. With you both having the luxury of working from home and generally not having to venture out unless absolutely necessary, you both decide you’re most comfortable with eliminating the public out of the equation as much as you can.

You settle on a short hike followed by a picnic and when you open your front door you realize just how unprepared you are for the concept of Morning Ash. You smile to yourself as you realize that he must have overslept as his face is still adorably puffy from sleeping, hair still wet from the shower. Yesterday’s five o’clock shadow is still present - he must have been running so late he had to forego his morning shave. The thought of waking up next to him looking like this pops into your mind, that soon you could be the reason he’s running late in the morning and your stomach actually drops.

You push your thoughts aside as you move to greet him with a hug; his cologne is prominent and obviously freshly sprayed and you think to yourself that you're excited to smell like him for the rest of the day.

“Got a surprise for you in the car,” he murmurs.

You’re in the middle of wondering how he makes even a simple white t-shirt look devastating when he opens the passenger door for you. Before you even climb in, you’re instantly greeted by the smell of fresh coffee and breakfast burritos and he chuckles at the way your face lights up. 

“Flowers seemed too formal for a morning date, I figured caffeine and grease was just as nice.” 

“I’ve never felt more seen by a partner,” you smile, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in for a sweet, slow kiss. 

You start to pull away to get in the car but Ashton snakes his arms around you and draws you back in for a few more smooches. “Figure we should get as many of these in as we can now, those burritos are no joke,” he laughs.

It’s a bit of a drive to get to a hiking trail that seemed unlikely to be crowded but you don’t mind. After months of waiting to be in this man’s presence, the more time you can spend with him the better. The trip passes quickly, with the two of you basking in each other’s company, play-arguing over playlists and agreeing that “when this is all over” you should plan a road trip together.

“Looks like we’ve got the place to ourselves,” he observes, pulling the car into the empty lot. He’s first out of the car and you hear a distinct “UGH” from him as soon as he steps out. He sees your puzzled look through the windshield as he walks around to your side to open your door. “I didn’t expect it to be so fuckin’ hot,” he explains.

You get out and instantly scrunch up your face as a gust of hot wind breezes over you. “Well, we did travel more inland, I guess it makes sense it’d be a little warmer,” you reason. 

You commiserate about the weather and then Ash starts gathering your things from the trunk of the car, taking non-essentials out of your backpacks since the heat is going to make your hike a lot less leisurely than planned. 

Despite the weather, the first portion of your hike is nice: you stroll and talk, enjoying the scenery and your time together. Ashton brought his camera with him and you catch him sneaking a few photos of you along the trail so you teasingly start snapping an excessive amount of pics of him using your phone.

As you get closer to the area you planned on stopping at for lunch, the heat starts getting more and more intense. The morning clouds have now dissipated and the sun is bright and unrelenting, causing the conversation to drag as you both start breathing a little more labored, focusing on getting to your stopping point as quickly as possible. It takes a lot longer than expected and by the time you reach your picnic spot, you’re both exhausted and covered in sweat.

You spread a blanket on the ground and immediately throw yourself on it, grateful for a chance to rest. You look up and see Ash peeling off his t-shirt and draping it over a rock in hopes it will dry before you have to head back.

Normally you’d be silently reprimanding yourself for staring at his bare flesh on display but truthfully all you’re thinking about is how much skin he’s exposing to the sun. “Think we left the sunscreen in the car,” you declare, sitting up to dig through your stuff. “As much as I’m enjoying the show, you’re gonna get fried if you don’t throw that back on.”

He sprawls out on the blanket next to you. “We’re shaded, it’ll be fine,” he insists, pulling his sweat-soaked hair back with a rubber band from his wrist.

The picnic is pleasant but far from the romantic adventure you’d envisioned. You’d hoped the two of you would be laughing under a tree, eating a delicious meal as an equally delicious breeze grazes your skin. The reality is the two of you sitting in silence because you’re so uncomfortable under the unforgiving sunshine, eating food that you would’ve preserved better had you known about the weather, as a hot wind scorches your skin. The part of you that had fantasized about sneaking in a heated makeout can’t get enough of the irony that this date is definitely heated, just not in the way it should’ve been.

With the peak temperature of the day still to come, you agree to call it and head for the car already; Ash puts his shirt back on and you notice him wincing as he moves his obviously sunburned skin, but you choose to say nothing.

The trek back is quiet, both of you physically drained and a bit mentally defeated at yet another date gone awry. At one point, you stop in a shaded area to catch your breath and you give him a quick kiss. “Had fun,” you say quietly. He offers you a soft smile in return.

The drive home is equally lowkey, the discontent and exhaustion of the day filling where there should be sexual tension. He knows the mood has deflated considerably so he doesn’t even ask you to come back to his, he just drives you home. 

The car pulls into your driveway and you turn to him. “Think we’re cursed or something?” Your voice is joking but he can detect the undertone of worry.

Ash gives you a bright smile that’s instantly a comfort. “Nah… maybe cursed with too much ambition and insufficient planning skills but I have no doubt this is exactly where I’m meant to be.” He reaches for your hand, interlacing your fingers and kissing your knuckles.

He walks you to your door and gives you a long kiss that almost has you reconsidering inviting him in. “We got this,” he whispers. 

You ruffle his hair. “I’ve also got aloe you can borrow for these sunburns, how are you even able to move?” You laugh, unlocking your door.

A few days pass before either of you broach the subject of another date; you’re finally the one to bring it up and you both agree on a simple dinner at home for the next night.

“Third time’s a charm, right?” You joke as he opens the door.

He draws you in for a slow kiss as you step inside. You murmur when you feel his facial hair brush against you; his beard is fuller than when you last saw him and you suspect he may have quit shaving simply based on the reaction you’d had to the look on your date. “Well, we’re already off to a good start, I’d say,” he comments against your lips.

You’ve only ever seen Ashton’s house in the background of your video chats and when he notices you looking around with fascination, he excitedly offers to give you a tour. You swear you can actually hear your heart going pitter patter as he proudly escorts you around, sharing funny memories about his friends involving each room or telling elaborate stories about different trinkets he owns. You can tell he’s missed entertaining people in his home and you’re so happy that you’re able to fill that void for him tonight.

You follow him to the kitchen. “Smells amazing, must be quite the dish,” you tease, knowing full well you sent him the “secret” recipe for your grandma’s spaghetti sauce the night before. He pokes at you and you giggle, “Anything I can do to help?”

“The groceries should be delivered any minute,” he answers, checking his phone. “There’s gloves and sanitizer wipes under the sink if you don’t mind taking care of that when it arrives.”

A few minutes later, you peck his cheek as you pass by to go outside and tend to your assignment. Ash nearly spirals when it’s discovered that the shopper made some substitutions without asking but you reassure him that dinner’s not ruined even if the sauce uses regular sugar instead of brown and will be poured over fettuccine noodles instead of spaghetti. 

“Not to jinx anything but I think this is our best first date yet,” you joke after dinner, getting out two coffee mugs from the cabinet he’d directed you to.

“All we had to do was eliminate the variables: other people, the weather, the outside world in general,” he ticks off the list on his fingers with a smile.

You hit the brew button on the coffeemaker and slide closer to where he stands loading the dishwasher. “Well. Just proves that all we really need is each other,” you muse, with a sweet smile. He grins at you, drying his hands so that he can cradle your face and kiss you. His hands are soft from the soap he just used and you sigh approvingly into his mouth as his thumb draws circles on your cheek.

That flirty but sweet tone continues as you move to the living room; you sit on the couch, drinking your coffee, chatting comfortably. You both keep finding reasons to scoot closer together, a thick layer of tension between you. You’d each talked a big game when sharing fantasies about what your first time might be like but now that it might be here, you’re surprised by the hazy combination of excitement and nerves you feel.

It’s hard to say who makes the first move: there’s a lull in the conversation and then suddenly, a kiss. Ashton’s hands quickly make their way into your hair and before long, things get heated and you find yourself climbing into his lap to straddle him. This was about as far as things had gotten between you pre-quarantine and it’s as glorious as you remember.

You roll your hips above him and he groans into the mark he was leaving on your neck; your shirt rides up with your movements and his fingers softly dance over the exposed skin. As you nibble along his jaw, his hands find their way up the back of your shirt and you shiver at his warmth. You put your hands on his wrists, guiding them up, letting him know it’s OK to take your shirt off; he does and you silently thank your past self for wearing one of your pretty bras tonight. 

“So beautiful, baby,” he breathes and then his mouth is back on yours, hands busy exploring the new skin on display for him. You shift your hips again and this time find yourself the one to groan, feeling him hard beneath you for the first time; you’ve spent a lot of time wondering what this would feel like and it’s more intoxicating than you ever could’ve imagined.

Ash lifts you off his lap and lays you back on the couch, peeling his own shirt off before moving to be on top of you. He kisses you hungrily and then makes his way down your body, the scratch of his beard deliciously teasing you, lips pecking over every inch of your neck before they attach to the tops of your breasts.

You pull him back up to your mouth and slide your hands down to unbuckle his belt. You brush over his length through his jeans and nearly gasp at the contact; you know he’s not even fully hard and he feels huge. This revelation has you getting impatient and you attempt to push his pants down. "Jesus dude, are these painted on or what?" You joke, struggling.

 "Hey, I could ask you the same thing," he retorts, running his hands along your ass to prove his point. With a goofy smile, he asks, "Should we pause and de-pants ourselves?" 

You laugh as you untangle yourself from his body and pull your pants off while he does the same. He eyes your matching lace lingerie and teases, "That’s some mighty fancy underwear you've got on there, Miss ‘Let’s Take The Pressure Off And Not Expect Anything To Happen Tomorrow Night’.”

You feel your cheeks warming at both his gawking attention and his implication you were hoping things would end up this way. You playfully fire back, "Maybe I dress like this all the time, you don't know me… or maybe I wanted to feel sexy for myself tonight." You try to pull him into a kiss but he pulls back, looking at you with a raised eyebrow. "Or maybe I'm really behind on laundry and I only have the nice stuff left," you say with a sheepish giggle. 

“That I believe,” he laughs delightedly. "Whatever the reason, you look fucking incredible.”

You intend to murmur a thanks but the way his kisses are currently being  peppered in between your breasts causes it to come out as a moan instead. His fingers toy with the closure of your bra and he looks at you to softly ask, “May I?”

You nod enthusiastically and close your eyes as his mouth acquaints itself with your bare breasts, your hands tangling in his hair. Your mouths find each other again, tongues familiarizing themselves with every detail of each other. You reach between your bodies and grip the tent in his underwear; you trace the shape of him through the material and he breaks your kiss to let out a strained moan. “God, I can’t wait to make you cum,” you murmur, a bit surprised by your own boldness.

You feel Ash breathe deeply, affected by your words. “Well, I’m afraid I have a strict ‘ladies first’ policy in this house, so I clearly need to get started,” he jokes, attempting to steady himself. “Bedroom?”

He helps you off the couch and you start to reach for your discarded clothes but he pulls you along, shaking his head. “You won’t be needing those for a while,” he grins.

You follow him to his room, impressing yourself with how steady on your feet you are, how calm you feel; your heart is racing but it’s from anticipation instead of uncertainty, which is unusual for you when you’re about to sleep with someone new. You tend to make these decisions impulsively, with a bit of a “fuck now, ask questions later” attitude. The fact that you’ve waited for this long to be with him and that you feel totally at ease, wandering through his upstairs hallway in just your panties, is the latest in a series of signs telling you that your feelings for Ashton are different.

You settle on the bed while he pauses in the doorway, fiddling with the dimmer on the light switch, determined to get it just right. He finally comes over and you don’t waste any time, climbing over to the edge of the bed to pull off his boxers. His cock springs free and you bite your lip, hoping you’re not actually drooling like you fear you might be.

“You good?” He goads you with a smug smile. During a couple of your video romps, you’d gotten yourself off with toys and he teased you about your selections, calling you a size queen. As you find yourself fascinated surveying the notable length and girth in front of you, you have to admit, he’s not wrong.

You silence his remarks by leaning forward and tentatively licking his tip, closing your eyes in satisfaction when you taste a drop of precum. You roll your tongue around the head, tracing every curve and ridge with your tongue. When you get comfortable enough to wrap your lips around him and slowly start taking him into your mouth, he quietly breathes your name, brushing your hair out of your face, and you feel like you could cum right then and there.

He senses your eagerness and lets you work for a bit longer before he gently pulls you off with a heavy sigh. "Ladies first, remember?" He rasps, flashing you a dazzling smile that would've made you weak even if he wasn't naked in front of you.

He gestures for you to lay back as he kneels at the edge of the bed, dragging his beard across your thighs before hooking his thumbs in your panties to slowly pull them off. You close your eyes, a blissful, close-mouthed smile decorating your face. Ash groans, gazing up at you. “Do you have any idea how many times I laid in this bed picturing what it’d be like to have you here like this?” He asks, raising himself up to kiss you passionately. “Better than I ever could’ve imagined.” 

His lips travel back down your body and you’re so caught up in how dreamy it is to finally feel him like this, you don’t notice he’s already made it back down your body and you cry out when his tongue licks a bold stripe up your center. You’re almost certain you feel him smile against you, proud of the reaction he’s achieved. 

You run your hands through his long hair, trying your best not to tug at it too much, although you suspect he might enjoy that. He alternates between soft, fluttering licks at you and long, intentional strokes, using every centimeter of his wide tongue. It’s overwhelming but you breathe deeply, trying to maintain control; it’s when he wraps his lips around your clit and starts sucking that you start writhing, your legs involuntarily closing in around his head and you tap at him to get his attention.

He immediately pulls back. “Too much?” He reassuringly squeezes your ankle, looking at you encouragingly. “Tell me what you need, sweetheart, wanna do what I can to make you feel good.”

You sit up on your arms, lightheaded from both pleasure and his care. “Ash, oh my god, it feels amazing,” you insist, reaching out to brush his hair out of his eyes. “I just… I really wanna cum with you in me... and I can’t always go for two… and it was feeling so good right now…”

Ashton leans up, pausing your nervous rambling with a sweet kiss. “Hey, it’s all good, I’m glad you told me,” he soothes. “Do you want to go ahead or do you need more time? We can do something else to get you ready. Your call.” 

You grin and guide his hand to run along your wet folds. “I think this qualifies as ready, don’t you?” 

“Alright, cheeky girl,” he teases, casually lifting his fingers from your wetness to his mouth, tasting you on them. “Still, there’s lube in the left nightstand if you want to get it out just in case.”

“Gentlemanly offer and a brag at the same time, I’m into it,” you laugh.

He giggles loudly, moving off the bed. “Gotta grab the condoms,” he explains, leaving the room.

You retrieve the bottle of lube like he suggested and tidy the bed up a little bit, adjusting the pillows to make yourself comfortable. He’s gone for what feels like a long time but you chalk it up to your excitement for what’s about to happen. You sit back, surveying the room, making mental notes about different things you want to ask him about later. Finally, you hear him call your name from down the hall and you curiously holler back at him.

He pops his head in the room, looking mildly panicked. “Please tell me you saw a box of condoms in the groceries you put away,” he inquires breathlessly.

Your heart sinks. “Um… no? I didn’t,” you take a steadying breath, bracing yourself for what seems like very bad news. “It was mostly food. And the napkins we used. Toothpaste I put in the bathroom. No condoms.”

Ash inhales sharply, nodding rapidly, which unsettles you; he comes to sit on the edge of the bed and drags his hands over his face and through his hair. “Well. This is just never gonna fucking happen, I guess,” he declares dramatically. You feel weirdly exposed now that the mood has shifted and you reach for a blanket to cover yourself with before you crawl over to him.

You rest your head on his shoulder, letting him know you’re there. He smiles sadly and strokes over your hair. “I’m so sorry, baby. I hadn’t dated in a while and then with lockdown… I didn’t know until yesterday what I had was expired so I tossed them and ordered some today… and they’re just… not here,” he says regretfully.

You chew your lip, evaluating how you should respond; you’re disappointed, obviously - very disappointed - but Ashton is clearly upset with himself and you don’t want to make him feel any worse. “I suppose it’d be irresponsible of me to suggest we ignore this road block by employing the old ‘spray and pray’ method?” You joke… at least you think you’re joking.

He snorts, turning to look at you with a smile on his face, which makes you feel better about things. “I’m sure you’re not serious but no, after all this time, after we finally had the perfect date, no, I’m not going to pull out and ‘spray and pray,’ he chuckles.

You smile back at him. “Well,” you start flirtatiously, “I meant it when I said I couldn’t wait to make you cum.” Your fingers dance along his bare thigh, travelling close to his softened cock. “We can still fool around, if you want.”

He looks at you fondly, squeezing your hand on his leg. “I really don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

“Ash, as sweet as you are, this is an entirely selfish act on my part, I really just want you to moan for me,” you smirk, moving to sit back against the pillows. “Plus this is possibly the most turned on I’ve ever been and if I don’t get off soon, I might actually die.”

Grinning, he crawls up the bed and settles in next to you. “Well. Can’t have that, now can we?” He teases in a low voice, kissing you with an intoxicating restraint. “Got anything particular in mind?” He feels you sigh against him as he gets his mouth on your neck and his hand on your breast.

It takes you a second to find your voice again, still getting used to the novelty of being able to feel his touch. “To be honest, I wouldn’t mind getting my mouth back on you,” you confess with heavy breath. “Or we could just, you know, play with each other.” You slide your hand down to find his cock, lightly rubbing your fingertips up and down his shaft, feeling it start to rise for you again.

Ash groans and throws his arm around your shoulders, turning so that you’re cradled into his side. Your hand lazily drags over his length while he holds you, kissing you with a renewed intensity. The arm around you softly massages your shoulder while his free arm is exploring your body: palming your breasts, twirling your nipples, fingers caressing the rise and fall of your tummy. 

He breaks the kiss as his hand makes its way between your legs, tentatively brushing along your inner thigh, watching you closely as his fingers move to trace your lips and then your folds. He swirls through your wetness and then gently starts rubbing your clit; your hand instantly stills on him and you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. 

“This feel alright?” He asks, studying your face. 

You take your free hand and place it on his, encouraging him to apply more pressure. “So good, Ash,” you murmur, raising your mouth to his again, eager to have his affection completely enveloping you.

You resume your motion on his cock, stroking him firmly, listening for the hitches in his breath or gentle grunts to tell you that your instincts of how to please him are correct. You try to recall what you can from the months you spent watching him touch himself online; you vividly remember him twisting over the tip while he used his other hand to cradle his balls. You give it a try and he lets out a loud moan, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

The two of you familiarize yourselves with each other’s bodies, savoring the noises you’re pulling from each other because although it’s not the first time you’ve ever heard them, it’s the first time they’re being caused by you. 

Ashton’s fingers tease along your entrance and you can’t breathe out a “Please” fast enough; he slides two fingers inside and starts thrusting. He starts with a moderate pace but you’re so worked up, you’re bucking against his hand almost immediately, overwhelmed at the thought of some part of him finally inside you.

You try your best to keep jerking him off but it’d be an understatement to say you’ve become distracted as his fingers move in you; you whisper an apology as you let go of him, starting to lose control, digging your nails into his bicep, whining at how you can feel it flex from the way he’s working your body. 

Ash can’t get enough of how receptive you are to him so when you mutter out another “Sorry” upon realizing how red the skin around his snake tattoo is from you holding on to him, he squeezes your shoulder in reassurance. “Listen, you can scratch that thing clean off if it means I’m making you feel that good,” he teases, nipping at your neck. “Are you as close as it sounds like you are?”

You’re sure your cheeks must already be flushed but you still feel them warm up at the implication that he recognizes your noises from quarantine. You nod, chest heaving, trying to catch your breath.

"Do you need something different to help you finish or keep this up?" He asks, understanding in his eyes.

You groan and jump as his fingers hit your spot again. "Um, actually I think I’d like if you went back to just my clit."

He nods, following your instructions. He rubs careful circles, checking your face to see if he’s getting the pressure right. You start to tuck your face into Ashton’s chest to minimize your reactions but he tenderly pulls you back to lay with him, stroking his hand through your hair to soothe you as he feels you start to shake in his arms. “God, you’re so fuckin’ beautiful like this,” he praises, sucking below your ear. “Let me hear you, baby, you always sound so good when you cum for me.”

His raspy affirmations work in perfect tandem with the vigorous movement of his fingers and you begin to unravel. You breathily cry out his name as your back rises off the bed and your hands fly out on either side of you, one gripping the sheets, the other grabbing for his arm again.

Your hips buck, riding the waves of pleasure surging through your body. Ash watches you carefully, continuing to work you until he detects a slight wince of overstimulation and he removes his hand, deciding to kiss you through the rest of your orgasm. 

Your body finally relaxes and while you’re definitely exhausted, you’re also eager to satisfy him in return. While he presses kisses over your face, whispering quiet praises as you settle, your hands move to explore his body again, one caressing at his chest and abs, the other taking hold of his cock, making good use of the precum he released while playing with you, starting to build momentum again.

He groans, closing his eyes, losing himself in your touch. You can't resist shifting slightly to travel down his body, pecking your way down his stomach, nibbling at his hips before moving your lips back to his cock. You suckle at the head and the throaty "Baby" you receive in return is already worth your trouble.

Ashton traces designs on your back while you suck him off; he constantly murmurs encouragement, which you appreciate because your heart is racing, this is the first time tonight you've felt truly nervous. You've always enjoyed giving head but you've fantasized about blowing Ash for so long you were slightly afraid it might not live up to expectations - for the both of you, since you'd shared many fantasies with him.

You try to pace yourself, not wanting to get greedy and take too much at once, using your hand to make up for what your mouth can't handle yet; every time you pull off to catch your breath and check in with him, he sweetly wipes at your mouth with his thumb and it's much cuter than it should be, considering the situation.

You bob along his shaft a few more times, fluttering your tongue along the underside, finding a particular vein you remember him paying special attention to. Your memory serves you correct and he emits a surprised whimper. He squeezes your shoulder a few times and you pull off curiously.

"Want your mouth on mine when I cum," he rasps.

You quickly reclaim your place laying in his arms, kissing him as requested. It’s just a few tugs until his breathing starts to stutter against your lips. "Fuck, yes, cum for me, Ash," you murmur, letting out a little moan yourself when you feel his cock throb in your hold.

Ash huffs out short belabored breaths as he moves his hand down to join yours, showing you how to work through his orgasm, adjusting slightly so that his cum shoots on to his own stomach instead of yours.

You lightly kiss him through it until he pulls your hand off of him, lacing his fingers in yours, squeezing briefly. You lay back in his arms, basking in the intimacy of the moment.

He pecks your forehead before he regrettably pulls away from you to gesture towards the tissue box on the bedside table. “Would you mind?”

You start to reach for it and then pause, deciding you’re comfortable enough to make a request. “Actually… could I…?” You trail off, raising your eyebrows as you steal a glance at his torso.  

Ashton chuckles out a surprised “OK” and then you’re quickly shuffling down his body to get your mouth on his cum covered skin. He breathes in sharply when he feels your warm breath on him and his stomach flutters under your tongue as you clean him up, blissfully humming as you discover his taste.

Your hair falls in your face and he brushes it out of the way, not wanting to miss a second of what you’re doing. When you’re finished, you sit up and daintily wipe your mouth with your fingertips. You catch a glimpse of Ash looking downright dazed, chest still heaving from his orgasm, eyes glazed over from watching you eagerly volunteer to lick up his release.

With the heat of the moment having passed, you start feeling slightly self-conscious about your boldness. “Was that over the top? I feel like that was too much for a first time, oh my god,” you laugh, hands covering your face nervously. “I just… on our calls, every time I would watch you cum, I would just… think about it…” You shake your head, surprised at your own behavior.

He laughs and reaches for you, kissing the top of your head as you lay against him. "Just the right amount of 'too much', trust me." His voice gets deeper as he leans in to whisper, “I’d thought about it too, for the record. As fuckin’ hot as I’d thought it’d be.”

You lay quietly wrapped up in him for a bit longer and when you move to get out of bed, he grabs your hand, squeezing it gently. “D’ya wanna stay tonight?” He asks, hazel eyes swimming with sweetness and sincerity. “I didn’t want to jinx it and get stuff for breakfast but I was thinking we could order in.”

You smile brightly, leaning in to peck his lips. “You can finally make me your famous coffee you’re always bragging about,” you tease.

“It’s disgusting, you’ll love it,” he grins, playfully pinching your ass as you get out of bed.

The next morning you wake up to the feeling of Ash climbing back into bed beside you. You open one eye and look him up and down suspiciously. “Where have you been?” You murmur.

He settles on his side, pulling you closer to him so your faces are inches from each other, at the edge of your respective pillows. “Ordered breakfast already, had to go unlock the front gate,” he explains, voice still thick with sleep. He strokes your hair and smiles at how you close your eyes, melting into his touch. “Sleep OK, baby?”

You feel your lips curl into a dreamy smile; you already knew you loved hearing him call you that but hearing it in his deep morning voice is fucking transcendent. “To be honest, it’s been so long since I slept next to someone, I wasn’t sure how it was gonna go at first,” you laugh, scooting closer. “You’re warm, though, which was nice.” 

“Well at least I have that going for me,” he jokes with a mock pout, which you promptly move in to kiss right off his face. You enjoy a sleepy, slow makeout for a few minutes and then he pulls away. 

He takes a deep breath before quietly saying, “Hey… I wanted to apologize for how I acted last night with the whole condom thing. I just got so frustrated because it seemed like we’d finally gotten it right… but that kind of negativity has no place in our relationship. Especially in a situation like that where you were feeling disappointed and vulnerable as well. So I’m sorry.”

“Ash,” you whisper softly. You take in the sight of him: long, dark curls darting out every which way from sleeping, scruffy beard you’re still certain he grew just for you, lips swollen from your kisses. His eyes are gorgeous as always but you can see the concern and remorse behind them and you feel like you can’t put him at ease soon enough. “You don’t have to apologize, it was disappointing and you don’t have to be Mr. Positivity 24/7 if you don’t feel like it. Not for me. I’d rather know how you’re really feeling.” 

“I guess I thought this would be easier. We’ve had so long to think about being together and to plan for it and it’s just been a constant let down,” he admits.

You chew your lip. “Well, listen. Last night still worked out? We still got to be intimate, I still got to experience waking up next to you. Sort of,” you tease. He cracks a smile and you couldn’t be more thankful. “But what you just said, maybe that’s part of the problem. Maybe because we had so much time to think about this, maybe we’ve built it up too much in our minds and we’re just setting ourselves up to be disappointed.”

He nods, mulling over your words. “Like the fantasy was important during lockdown but now it’s tripping us up. If we were in more normal circumstances, we would’ve just slept together without much thought.”

“You really think your game’s that good?” You joke and he pinches you in response. “You’re right, though, I haven’t thought this much about a first time since I was a virgin.”

“So we need to find a middle ground between this idealization we’ve invented and doing it just to get it over with,” he suggests.

“Exactly,” you peck his lips in encouragement. “At the end of the day, it’s just sex. I’ve been looking forward to being with you, not to some super romantic, candlelit lovemaking experience at the end of a dream date.” “Whenever it happens, it’ll be perfect because we’re perfect,” he smiles.

The two of you carry that mentality with you throughout the next couple weeks. You hang out, go on a couple dates and even end up having a spontaneous video sex session like old times. You still burn with desire nearly every time he’s near you but removing that looming pressure to set the mood really does help put you at ease with each other. You feel more connected than ever, like you’re able to focus on him now instead of the experience.

“The drive-ins are opened back up now,” Ashton mentions during your afternoon call. “Think you might wanna catch a movie tonight?”

“God, remember movies? That could be fun,” you agree.

“A buddy of mine went last weekend, opened up the hatchback, put a bunch of pillows down, made it nice and cozy. Thought I might ask if I could borrow his car… we could have a little picnic back there before the movie,” he proposes.

You smile to yourself, loving how excited he gets planning dates. “Better bring your comfiest hoodie for me to steal, we’re gonna get fuckin’ snuggly.”

Ash loves a good reveal so when he picks you up, he’s sure to walk you around the front of the car so you don’t peek in the back of the mini SUV. You have fun teasing him on the way there, adjusting the mirrors, exaggeratedly acting like you’re glancing over your shoulder; watching his eyes go wide and hearing his stern “Hey!” simply never gets old. 

Amused as he is by your game, Ashton knows how to tease you right back and when you arrive at the drive-in, before he gets out of the car to finish setting up, he offers you a kiss and a quiet warning of “Be good” that basically guarantees you’ll stay in your seat until he says otherwise.

After a few minutes, he finally calls you back there and you’re blown away at the elaborate transformation. He pops the hatchback up to reveal the back rows of seats have all been laid flat and a thin layer of memory foam lays across them, covered by piles and piles of blankets. Pillows of every shape and size adorn the setup, along with a small cooler and a tote of movie snacks. In the center of the makeshift bed is the pizza you picked up for dinner and two champagne flutes filled with your favorite soda.

“Ash,” you coo as you climb into the back of the car. “This is so fucking cute? You said your friend put some pillows down, not made an entire love nest back here.”

“Well, I may have embellished a little,” he chuckles modestly, following you inside. “One of our first hang outs was at a movie, so I thought our grand return should be special.” 

You grin as you serve pizza onto each of your plates. “That feels like that was a thousand years ago but I still remember the chill that ran down my spine every time you leaned over the armrest to whisper some comment about the movie.”

“Yeah? I remember being nervous because I couldn’t tell if you were aroused or annoyed, to be honest,” he laughs. 

“Oh it was definitely both at first. You talked a lot and I didn’t pay LA ticket prices to hear your commentary track,” you giggle, playfully shoving his shoulder as his jaw drops. “But then I decided I really liked how it felt to have you pay attention to me.”

“And of course what I was saying was clever and enlightening and added to your cinematic experience,” he adds on with a smirk.

You give him a tight-lipped smile, raising your eyebrows in exaggeratedly mocking agreement. He flicks your leg in response and you yelp, unable to keep from smiling at him. The two of you continue reminiscing and making easy conversation while you devour your pizza dinner. By the time you’re done, the sun is setting.

You lay back on the pillows you’ve propped up and watch intently as Ash gets rid of the pizza box at a nearby trash can. You’d both agreed that the dress code for tonight was ‘comfort’ and he went with a black t-shirt and an endearingly bizarre pair of lounge pants that feature a mountain landscape illustrated across the legs. Unsurprisingly, the t-shirt hugs his chest and biceps, drawing attention to the tattoos up and down his arms that you haven’t been able to keep your hands off of. What is surprising is how the loose pants still cling to his body in all the right ways - pulling across his thick thighs and ass, making you wonder if he’s keeping things in his pockets or if the bulging in front you’re seeing is all him. You squeeze your legs together, pleased that he’s almost back at the car, eager to feel him, even if it’s just for a snugged up movie date.

He flashes you a dazzling smile as he walks up to the car. “What’s got you all dreamy-eyed?” He teases, settling in next to you. You feel your breath hitch as he comfortably rests his hand on your bare thigh, toying with the hem of your lounge shorts, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Just happy to be here,” you shrug, leaning over to peck his bearded cheek.

He hums at your affection, leaning his head on your shoulder as he fiddles with his phone, pulling up a radio app so he can tune to the station that will be broadcasting the audio for your screen. “It’s kind of a deadzone out there, there’s only maybe 5 other cars,” he reports, reaching behind you to make sure the bluetooth speaker he’s connected to is on. “Even with all the distancing, we probably didn’t need to park all the way back here.”

“I like it… Gives the illusion you rented out the place just for me, makes me feel special,” you joke. He giggles and kisses your shoulder.

The first movie of your double feature starts a few minutes later and you couldn’t possibly enjoy it more. The two of you trade jokes and snacks; it’s all just so comfortable and lovely, unfiltered and natural.

During the intermission, you decide to get out and stretch a bit before the second film starts. You notice that when you feel Ashton’s eyes poring over you as you bend and twist, you only feel pride and desire, none of the nervousness or timidity you’d felt a few weeks ago.

Once the movie starts, you sit and try to patiently wait and see if he’s going to make a move but by the time the opening credits are over, you can’t help but advance things yourself. You scoot closer but his eyes remain trained on the screen; you decide to more explicitly ask for his attention by nuzzling your face into his neck, pressing a few light kisses behind his ear, scratching his beard with your nails. “I’m having a good time,” you whisper, feeling him grin under your touch. “This was such a great idea, I’m happy you suggested it.”

He slinks his arm around your waist, pulling you closer. “I’m so glad you like it,” he beams at you. “It’s fun to be out in the world again but also still pretty much alone.”

“Alone enough to do this,” you lilt, leaning in to plant your lips on his. Your kiss is gentle but urgent and he reciprocates your energy, cupping your face with one hand and using the other to press you against him, murmuring when you slide your tongue into his mouth. Just when things start to get heated, one of you pulls back and warmly smiles at the other, as if you’re both excited for more but still wanting to appreciate what’s happening in this moment.

You don’t want to disrupt the makeout but you can’t fight the craving you have to feel more of him; you’re finally able to pull yourself away and you lay down on the bed, patting the spot next to you in what you hope is an alluring manner.

He moves closer and you close your eyes, ready to feel his touch. You’re startled to instead hear a grunt of frustration and the shifting of a leather seat. Your eyes snap open and you see him straining to reach into the front seat, trying to reach the keys in the ignition. You’re half a second away from asking what the hell he’s doing when you hear a distant beep and the hatchback slowly begins to close at the end of the cabin. 

He plops himself on the pillow next to you. “Thought we could use a little more privacy,” he explains, grabbing a handful of your ass and using it to pull you closer. “Just in case someone else out there thinks the movie is as boring as we did.”

You start to giggle at his remark but your laughter is interrupted by his lips returning to yours. You both let your mouths and hands do as they please, exploring and enjoying without hesitation and without expectation. You’ve just peeled off his shirt and are sucking a mark at his collarbone when you feel his hand slip up your shirt to palm your breast. You give a light bite to his skin as his fingers pull at your nipple; he groans as you breathily tell him, “You can do it harder.”

A few dozen kisses later, his hand is sliding down your stomach and past the waistband of your shorts. You pull out of his kiss to whine quietly as his long fingers brush through your wetness, only touching your clit incidentally before adding light pressure. 

“Good?” Ashton checks with a smile as your head lulls back and you grab onto him.

“Oh, you know… ‘s alright I guess,” you joke, your attempt at being casual undermined by the way you’re basically grinding into his hand. You let out a long moan and he quickly brings his mouth back down to yours in an attempt to silence it.

As his fingers and lips drive you wild, you find your own hands reaching for his pants and you sigh into his mouth when you feel his cock hard and ready for you. You run your fingers across the straining fabric, teasing him with one hand while the other works to loosen the drawstring. 

You dip your hand inside and grip his cock, choking back a moan when you feel how much he’s already leaked for you. The slickness helps you easily begin stroking him and you shift so you can study his face, wanting to see evidence of the pleasure you’re giving him. As your thumb swipes over his tip and your fingers firmly squeeze his length, Ash’s eyes flutter shut and he bites his lip, quietly muttering your name under his breath.

His fingers slip inside you and you gasp as pumps them in and out, dragging them against your walls, teasing your spot. It’s an intense moment when your eyes lock as his fingers work inside of you while yours glide up and down his cock, the two of you breathing heavy as you basically fuck each other without fucking.

“Ash…” You start, voice wavering.

“Yeah,” he answers in strained agreement. “Do you want --”

“Yes, yes I do. I brought --”

“So did I.”

You break apart from each other and reach for your belongings, chuckling as he pulls a handful of condoms from his backpack and tosses them onto the bed at the same time you pull some from your purse and add them to the pile.

“Well it’s good to know we’re both the kind of people who can learn from their mistakes,” he laughs, pulling you into a delighted kiss. 

An exciting energy fills the car as you both shift around, getting yourselves situated. Ashton pulls back a layer of blankets from the seats in case you want to cover up and bursts out laughing when he turns around to see you’ve already stripped off your shorts and panties and are sitting there pantsless and unbothered.

“We’re parked in the back, there’s barely anyone here and the windows are fogged up,” you shrug, grinning.

You find yourself captivated as you watch him kick his pants off and get up on his knees, wrapping a hand around his cock, pumping it a few times before rolling a condom on. This is really happening. Finally, really happening.

“C’mere,” he breathes, reaching for you. You crawl to him and he cradles your face, kissing you softly. You nibble at his lip as you pull away and the two of you can’t stop smiling.

You climb into his lap, sitting on his legs, staring into his eyes. “Ready?” He asks you, sweetly rubbing your thighs. 

You nod eagerly and lift yourself up to hover over his cock. He slicks the tip through your folds, stopping to tease over your clit a few times and then he’s watching your face as he presses against your entrance. 

Your mouth drops open as you start to take him. He's so thick the stretch is instant, breathtaking and everything you've been dreaming of. His fingers gingerly brush over your hip, encouraging you as you ease him further inside you, rocking up and down until you're impossibly full.

Ash wraps his arms around you, kissing you deeply, hands in your hair then running down your back, then squeezing your ass. You feel completely surrounded by him and it’s overwhelming in the best way. You break the kiss to quickly peel your t-shirt off and then you’re reattaching your lips to his, pressing your chest against his, needing to feel as much of his skin on yours as you possibly can.

“Yes, baby, fuck” he murmurs as you slowly begin to move on his cock. “Feel so fuckin’ perfect… better than I’ve been imagining.”

You respond with a series of whimpers, so caught up in the feeling of finally having him in you. You move cautiously, almost torturously slow until you adjust to his size and then you pick up the pace, his hands firmly gripping your ass, helping you along.

You don’t even have the end goal of an orgasm in mind, you just can’t get enough of the new sensations his cock is making you feel. You shift from rocking to bouncing on him, moaning loudly each time his length hits a new place inside you.

“Ash… your cock feels so fucking good,” you pant, riding him with increasing speed, losing yourself in it. “Can’t believe you’re finally filling me up, baby… fuck.”

Your movements are bordering on frantic when you feel Ashton lightly squeeze your hips, attempting to still them, gently breathing your name. You slow down and look at him inquisitively. The mixture of amusement, desire and warmth painting his face is enough to make your pounding heart skip a beat.

“Can I?” He softly asks. You nod and he carefully pulls out of you and lays you back against the pillows before settling over you. He pecks over your neck and face as he guides himself back inside you. “Think we owe it to ourselves to slow down and live in this for a while.”

He starts to push up so he can get to work but you stop him, tucking his long hair behind his ear, stroking your hand over his beard. “You’re right, just feels so good,” you grin. “Hard not to get carried away.”

Ashton kisses over your palm and begins leisurely moving his hips. He keeps a moderate pace, steady enough that you’re feeling consistent pleasure, feeling something building in your core, but not so hurried that you’re aching to reach the finish line. You hook your leg around his hip and when he pushes it slightly back towards you, he slides in deeper and his groan blends with yours to form possibly the most gorgeous sound you’ve ever heard.

“Jesus, baby… pussy’s takin’ me so well,” he praises, voice sounding more wrecked than you expected. “Such a pretty, giving pussy, baby… what a good girl.”

You shiver at his words, your hands running up and down his back, feeling his muscles flex as he moves above you; you slide your hands down to grab his ass, pulling him closer, willing him even deeper. Ash reaches between your bodies to find your clit, teasing it with just the right amount of pressure to make you moan. The snap of his hips has become slightly quicker and you can tell by his breathing that he’s getting close.

“Ash… so good, yes,” you mumble, reaching down to direct his hand in the pattern you need. He mimics your movements expertly and you start rocking your hips along with him, feeling the stirrings of your climax. “Fuck, like that… god, please.”

“Yeah?” He pants, watching your body start to tense. He takes his free hand and reaches for yours, lacing your fingers, squeezing encouragingly. “Been waiting so long to feel you cum around my cock… come on, baby, cum.”

The first pulse of your orgasm hits you so forcefully you’re shocked he doesn’t react to how hard you squeeze his hand. By the time the next one hits, you’re crying out in senseless mutters from how heavenly this moment feels, how his thick cock couldn’t fit more perfectly inside you as you tighten around it. The sensations feel like they might echo forever as you start to come back down, Ash continuing to move gently in you, reassuring you in a soft voice about how incredible you feel around him.

You pull him down to kiss him breathlessly, satisfied from your orgasm but still hungry for his affection, still needing him on you. “Want you to cum for me, babe,” you whisper. “Let me know how much you love being buried in this pussy.”

Your words drive Ashton’s thrusts to become frenzied as he growls your name, followed by a raspy string of curses. He lets out a deep groan as he fills the condom, rocking into you deep and slow as he works through his climax. His head drops to burrow into your neck and you shiver at how his beard prickles your overstimulated skin. You stroke through his curls, lightly damp with sweat, and whisper in his ear, “So good, Ash… so fuckin’ good.”

He plants an exhausted but sweet kiss on you, only breaking it for you both to whine as he pulls out of you; he carefully ties off the condom while you reach for some of the leftover napkins from dinner to clean yourself up. You sort through each other’s clothes, the two of you grinning like fools the entire time you’re getting dressed.

Ash leans back against the pillows and sighs loudly, gesturing for you to come lay with him. You crawl toward him, making a small detour over the front seat to press the release on the hatchback again. You settle against him as the door opens, the cool night air filling the car again, the long forgotten movie still being projected in the distance.

“Worth the wait?�� You tease, giving him a toothy smile.

He holds you tight to his chest. “Fuckin’ hell, baby… as much as we built it up, think we still might’ve undersold it. Like. Goddamn.”

You hum in agreement, closing your eyes, enjoying the afterglow. “I’m glad we just kind of let it happen. That’s probably the best first time I’ve ever had. Definitely the most comfortable.”

“Same. Easy but still just… perfect,” he says dreamily.

You play with his fingers, chuckling, “I was so comfortable I almost asked you to cum on me until I remembered we were fucking in your friend’s car.”

“I mean, it was already questionable for us to have gotten fully naked in his car, we might as well have gone all out,” Ashton laughs loudly, squeezing your hand. “I think Cal had a suspicion this might happen, he left breath mints, condoms and Clorox wipes in the glove compartment.” 

You cackle. “No blacklight, though?”

He pinches your leg and leans in to drown your laughter with a kiss. You gaze at him for a beat, marvelling at how normal everything feels for once. You notice he’s looking at you with a familiar fire in his eyes and you swear even though you were naked with him just a few minutes ago, you actually feel butterflies in your stomach.

You raise your eyebrows at him expectantly and Ash smirks. “Was just thinkin’ it’s for the best anyways. The first time I cover you in cum I don’t want it to be in a dark backseat, I want to be able to see it.”

You quietly groan, a naughty glint in your eye to match his. You sit up and plant a heated kiss on him, pulling away to murmur, “Well. It’s still early… my place or yours?”

————-

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[gignikinszz]

anakin is on the train and this dipshit infront of him has been humming christmas songs everyday on his morning work commute for the past week and it’s the middle of fucking august so he’s ready to confront this motherfucker for his crimes against humanity and his eardrums then boom obi wan meet cute

anon. im obsessed 💍💍💍💍 ficlet under the cut xx

i took a few liberties with this, but i hope u still like it :)) modern au, annoyances to lovers but only from anakin's pov, 1.3k. mentions of christmas music and horrible hours of the morning beware

It was 5:15. Five-fifteen in the goddamn morning. It was six in the goddamn morning, and it was the middle of August. The seventeenth of August, to be exact.

The third week, to the day, of Anakin’s personal hell.

Some context: Anakin was on the train, just trying to get to his job at a local bakery, still trying to wake up. He’d been late that morning and hadn’t had time for coffee, and was therefore grumpy. Grumpier than usual. So fucking grumpy.

And that same motherfucker from the past three weeks was singing. Again.

Now, Anakin wasn’t a cold-hearted monster, okay? He wasn’t against singing, not at all. Not even at 5:15 in the goddamn morning on a Thursday. Not even on the train. No, what he was against, morally and spiritually and on all levels (including physical), was the fact that the stranger was singing Christmas music. In August.

Today, it was Jingle Bells, though really, the song should’ve been named Jingle Hell. Overly jaunty, reminiscent of fifth-grade showcases, jarring and horrid, even when sung with a voice as nice as Christmas Music Man’s. A disgusting display of Christmas cheer, absolutely murdering Anakin’s poor eardrums, making him wish for the fiftieth time in the past twenty-one days that his stupid dog and stupider cat hadn’t totally destroyed his earbuds fighting over them, and that he wasn’t too busy (lazy) to go get new ones.

God, he was going to lose it. If he heard one more annoying-ass sing, he was going to—

… you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I’ll give it to someone special…

Last Christmas. The stranger, who always, for some sick and twisted reason, sat directly behind Anakin, was singing Last Christmas.

“Yo, dipshit, can you, like shut the fu—ck.” Anakin choked as he finally got a glimpse of the stranger. “Not up. Um. You can keep singing. Bye.”

Oh, shit.

Oh, shit. He was hot. Oh, fuck. Oh, god. He was so fucking hot and Anakin had just called him a dipshit. And spazzed out. And, worse, told him he could keep singing his awful Christmas music. He’d told the most attractive asshole motherfucker he’d ever seen that he could keep singing Last Christmas. At 5:15 in the goddamn morning. In the middle of August.

Oh, fucking shit.

Anakin spent the rest of that (thankfully not-very-long, after his outburst) train ride in silence, rethinking his life, wondering how someone so hot could be committing such heinous crimes against humanity. It didn’t make sense, at first. The man had looked nice. Or just hot. Anakin didn’t know. He’d been wearing a sweater vest with nothing underneath, showing off his very muscular arms, and he’d had very soft-looking hair. How could someone who dressed like a slutty 80-year-old have such poor taste in music? Have such little respect for Anakin, and Anakin’s eardrums, and the world at large?

It didn’t make sense, but when Anakin talked to Ahsoka, who was opening with him that day, she told him it did.

“You know,” she said, “if he’s really that hot, there’s gotta be something wrong with him. So the universe is fair and shit.”

And Anakin had to agree. There truly was something wrong with the man. Deeply, deeply wrong. Disturbed, even. Not that it made it fair that Anakin still had to suffer every morning. Or that his eardrums felt like they might die.

The next morning, he resolved to put a stop to it, good looks aside. For the sake of both his sanity, and for the world. Well, the world of the train at 5:15 in the morning. It was important to him, okay?

So he steeled himself the next morning. Got up early so he could get coffee and fix his hair, because presentation was important in these sorts of confrontations. Not for any other reason. Anakin also wore his nice work shirt, the one without too many stains, for the impending argument, of course. He would’ve looked his best while telling any asshole to stop fucking singing Christmas songs on the train at ass-o’clock every morning, whether or not they were hot.

Okay, maybe it had something to do with the fact that the guy was hot. Whatever. Sue Anakin for wanting to make a better second impression.

When he got to the train, he felt all wound-up, just waiting for the inevitable. For Holly Jolly Christmas or All I Want for Christmas is You or Chestnuts Roasting on the Open Fire of Anakin’s Burning Hatred for Christmas Songs. Or whatever that last one was called. His knee was bouncing, fingers tapping, heart pounding in anticipation. For the inevitable confrontation, of course.

It began five minutes after Anakin sat down. 5:18 in the morning.

Fucking Spooky Scary Skeletons.

An insult to Anakin’s pride, to his honor, to his family, to the month of August, to Halloween, and to the world at large, that’s what the man behind him was singing. An insult of the highest order, and Anakin had only had one cup of coffee.

So he did something wild, something insane, something totally out of character for him.

He waited.

He waited until the train made its next stop, the one before his, and he moved quickly to sit across the aisle from the man.

“Hey,” he said before he could chicken out. “What the fuck is your problem?”

Hot Asshole turned to look at him slowly. “What do you mean?” He asked, all posh and British and refined, and wow, Anakin was beginning to understand the appeal of those love-hate, enemies-to-lovers, 100k slow burn type relationships. That was hot. Despite, or perhaps even more so because of, the man’s infuriating little eyebrow thing, it was really hot.

“Your stupid music,” Anakin heard himself saying, refusing to back down despite the sight in front of him. “Sir, are you aware that it’s August?”

The man smiled. Pretty, Anakin’s mind supplied. Shut up, he snapped back.

“What does that have to do with anything?” he asked, folding his hands over one knee, crossing it over the other.

Anakin blinked, slowly, trying to let his brain catch up. “Well, you’re. It’s. That’s a Halloween song,” he said, feeling dumber by the second.

“And?” The man was still smiling, all innocent, and Anakin was suddenly unsure if it was nerves or annoyance making his face flush.

“And, um—well—whoever you are, you’re singing Halloween music. It’s August.”

“I’m Obi-Wan,” the man said unhelpfully. “And I don’t see what the issue is. Spooky Scary Skeletons is about bones. The human body. Personally, I think bodies are relevant year-round, don’t you?”

No, it was definitely annoyance.

“That’s about spooky, scary skeletons. It’s a fucking Halloween song. And even if it was applicable, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve been singing fucking Christmas music every day for the past three weeks.” Anakin gave the man his best glare, but it didn’t seem to phase him. On the contrary, he just smiled a little brighter.

“It’s just what’s been stuck in my head,” he said, sounding innocent. “I don’t know what you want me to do about it.”

“I—just—I—I want you to go out with me!” Okay, so Anakin didn’t mean to say that. In the slightest. And Obi-Wan was looking at him weirdly, and also, that wasn’t even a good solution to what Obi-Wan was asking, so Anakin opened his mouth to backtrack, but before he could—

“Okay.” Obi-Wan shrugged, smiling slightly. Anakin’s heart did a funny little somersault. “Is this your stop?”

And shit—it was, and Anakin hadn’t even gotten past the initial asking. No time to ask for horrible, hot, annoyingly heart-pounding Christmas Asshole’s number.

But that was fine. After all, Anakin was probably going to have to tell him to sing an appropriate song the next day, as well.

[sapphire-innit]

Saddest Beach Party Ever :(

Watch out for this one folks, it gets a bit dark -- mind the tags (though nothing outside of what you'd expect for.. this episode)

VOD: Tommy Is Left ALONE at his Exile Party with Dream (Start - 35:30)

(rp) I have Absolutely been putting off watching this one because I WILL cry and I am scared

I can't imagine what it was like to watch live and see NO ONE on the beach

He's keeping up a good face, adding more chairs... I'm not looking forward to it setting in.

like fuck man, fuck Dream for chasing of Ghostbur for MULTIPLE reasons but also because no one else even KNEW about the party :(

He's so excited about maybe seeing Tubbo I hate it Thanks

and now he's putting things down for Quackity and adding more things he's still so happy and excited (though you can occasionally see the mask break - there's a lot of nervous energy here)

"Where... no, well go place this" "why did Fundy leave the game" THANKS I HATE IT

Lazer and Fundy have been some of the people who have visited toooo :(

Tommy's face when no one is on the nether path.............. ouch

.............................................................................................

log off right now green demon

log off RIGHT NOW

just stewing in silence ..... painful....

cc!Tommy really is one of the best actors on the server, this hurts quite a bit

............

I know that's Dream joining the call and I hate it

fuck

"I'm running a little late, sorry :)" >:|

fuck, Tommy apologized and tossed his armor immediately INCLUDING HIS GIFT SHOES AND AXE, Dream didn't even ask

Dream of course taking the chance to be '''''''benevolent''''.... probably as a reward for Tommy doing it immediately and without prompting >:|

and ofc Dream just straight up lies about the invites to rub salt into the wound. Cant have Tommy thinking people CARE ABOUT HIM OR ANYTHING.

Even mentioned Tubbo SPECIFICALLY YOU BASTARD "in L'manburg" was that truly necessary bastard

the sun setting... a symbol of hope... the symbol of their friendship.... disappearing into the ocean... I hate it :(

Dream pushing him into eating the cake.. "I've lost my appetite"

just digging in that Tubbo For Sure got the Invite Definitely and no one came except Dream.

"I didn't mind being a little bit late because I thought everyone else would be here" why did he keep pointing out he was late, kept hammering that point home. Like even Dreams attention is not important to Dream? like it has to be earned maybe ..?

"No one cares about me anymore" "that's not true" *BREAKS CAKE* "None of them care about me anymore"

IS HE BREAKING THE PATH OHNOOO ;-;

"No one cares... other than You(Derogatory)"

"Maybe they had something more important" I hate how Dream hides his digs behind sounding consoling it fucking SUCKS

I hate how depressed he sounds, how resigned

....threw away the chicken, and he isn't eating or healing. I knew to watch out for it but its never been this pronounced before. He's down to three hearts ;-;

"I'm pretty sure he burned it, or lost it" I do not believe that for a SECOND Dream, or at least its not as clear cut as it seems. Tubbo CARES ABOUT TOMMY, I *JUST SAW* a clip of him holding the compass aaaaa

ohno

"at least SOMEONE on this entire 30 person server got an invite" "He said he was going to give it to at least 13 people, and at least one person I saw give it in person"

ohno

ohnooooooooooo

he really is gonna toss the compass isn't he nooooooooo

...............

staring into the lava again. "he burned it. On purpose"

Dream quibbling ... but doubling down i hate it

.......its just... so clear he's not only thinking about the compass in lava

Dream shooting at the Ghast,,, telling Tommy to sleep on it, coaxing him back from the edge "almost fell off, careful Tommy" I hate it here

"I don't sleep anymore Dream" "I just want to go home" "Please can I go home" he sounds so broken ;A;

"why can't I stay" :( :( :(

"It's not like they want you anyway Tommy. No one showed up to your party and everyone was invited" And THIS is why Dream tanked the party on purpose. Because if Tommy thinks no one even wants him, he won't even try to get back, and will just stay under Dreams control. There's such a mental and emotional difference and toll from "Outside forces (Dream) are keeping me from going home and maybe I can subvert or change them" and "Home doesn't want me and they're better off without me"

It truly is creepy how Dream is trying to coax him with the Christmas tree, like he's trying to pull this balancing act because he can tell Tommy is on the edge of really giving up and I hate it so much

He still hasn't eaten

"c'monn you want to see the Christmas tree :)" overwriting his feelings as well ugh

"I'm sure if you asked them, they'd say they care about you" I see you invalidating any future concern someone might show him

ALSO TOMMY CALLING EXILE HOME IS SURE SOMETHING

.....him asking Dream to defend him is... painful. Especially having just watched the latest stream where he asked the same of Tubbo right after being triggered as hell ugh. He really has gotten used to being made helpless and depending on Dream, even on the one day he didn't get his armor and weapons taken away from him. He sounds so resigned :(

(( LOL OK THE DNF JOKE WAS PRETTY FUNNY THO))

he's bribing him with the trident and I hate it. Though at least hes enjoying it??? Mixed feelings on that. He ate too and I hate that Dreams honeymoon stage is w o r k i n g )

that is the most sincere I have ever heard Tommy say Dream cares about him and it FUCKING SUCKS

I know we never could have had "Happy Party AU" because Dream never would have allowed people to come and validate Tommy but man Trident tricks w everyone would have been nice

...lol someone pointed out the red looks like blood. the fake girlfriend bits are so Weird

Dream what do you GET out of this, why are you so OBSESSED. He spends so much time here

"I wont bring it up with them because that would be awkward" oof and I bet he won't believe it if anyone says they didn't get the invite will he oof

.. He pulls out the Axe but lets dream actually kill the skeleton, he already put it away before Dream even got on screen how many times do i have to say THANKS I HATE IT HERE before it becomes meaningless

So this was around the point (or maybe a little bit later, but talking about this point) during dsmp where I started seeing it cross my dash without any context and saw a lot of takes about "oh but they didn't get the invite" and I had NO IDEA why Tommy was so upset about what was clearly a misunderstanding or why he was making it such a big deal.... well I get it now

Tommy really really isn't in a place where he can believe someone when they say they didn't get an invite. And it Really Truly WAS a big deal and actually I'm 100% on Tommy's side on this issue now (though I also don't blame the other characters for this: See Big Green Bastard Man who is truly at fault) I can understand completely why he throws it in their face later though

He's doubting if he wants to go back now.. that was exactly the point of it all :(

"Thanks for letting me keep my armor today btw" I hate how sincere Tommy is about this. I hate how Dream has so effectively done this, where Tommy sees it as a FAVOR that Dream doesn't come and blow up all of his things and hard work and THANKS him for it.

People much smarter than me have pointed out how 1:1 this is to real abusive relationships and how well its portrayed. I don't have anything clever or insightful to say here I guess, just that its exhausting and heavy to watch (but also really powerful as well, because we DON'T see shit like this played this realistically, or in this much accurate detail)

I just want Tommy to be out of here safely and realize what is being done to him is WRONG and not his fault and be given a chance to actually heal. I know the likelihood of that in the future, considering whats to come, is also. complicated to say the least.

[undertaker1827]

Undertaker headcanons from the late 19th century (1889) to the present day with an S / O that is also immortal. Just cute things about how they would have fun and a relationship that would really be "forever" (I'm a little obsessed with eternal romances with immortal creatures, sorry XD)

Aww that’s such a sweet idea, don’t apologise!! Here you go, hope you enjoy!

Masterlist

-

Alright people sit down and buckle up we start in the Victorian era

Undertaker is doing just that, lowkey experimenting on the dead and the like as well but we’re ignoring that for now

You’re absolutely not working as a servant in some lord’s house, equally you probably can’t quite get up into high society given Undertaker’s occupation, likely somewhere in the middle

To be honest, you probably ended up involved in the Phantomhives’ underground network and you are more than capable of working the system so you can be accepted equally by both London’s high society and the working classes

The mortician deals with people from all walks of life and you regularly interact with them so it’s hardly surprising

During this time, the two of you would eat out as much as possible , just to experience the class divide from both ends

The funeral parlour isn’t in the best part of London, so you went to the local pub one night for dinner and a drink

The atmosphere was positively alive, the people inside loud and buzzing with warm energy despite the winter cold trying to deep in through the windows

You had a basic meal of chicken and vegetable broth, sat at a table just off the corner of the bar

The place might have smelt of alcohol but the people sat at another table playing music more than made up for it

There was a violinist, a singer and a flute player, all producing jigs, country music and the best old songs, the kind the two of you hadn’t heard in a good few years

Alternately, Undertaker took you out to the fanciest, most expensive restaurant London had to offer

You didn’t even know where he got the money from

He wore a sleek black top hat and tails, hair drawn back and hidden away for once

A crisp white shirt and a red tie, polished black loafers and you wearing your finest

You lost track of how many courses you ate, lost in the small orchestra playing exquisite music from the front

Undertaker had reserved the best table they had to offer and ultimately spared no expense

Afterwards, you decided that whilst the experiences were polar opposites, you had enjoyed both for entirely different reasons

Moving on to the early 1900’s, the industrial revolution was a scream for you both

Picture the most ridiculous, steampunk-looking ‘automated vehicle’ you can, complete with the crazy lights on the front and the carriage wheels, chugging out black smoke

Undertaker had one

It was such a wild thing to invent that he just couldn’t resist

You were the talk of his part of London, specifically how the ‘unusual’ mortician has managed to afford one was of great debate among the gossips

Of course, you two sat on the sidelines and watched it all unfold, grinning like mad people and never giving out any information

You did make the occasional comment though, only to stir the pot and confuse everyone even further

Your favourite memory of that car had to be when you chugged over Westminster bridge in it, the mortician tipping his hat while you just nodded at the pavement full of top hats who halted what they were doing to watch you go by

You laughed for ages after that one

It couldn’t last forever though, and when the First World War came, it was as hard on the two of you as any

Undertaker seemed always to be working during those four years, the list of casualties endless

You helped him wherever you could, devoting the rest of your time to helping out at the local shelter, nursing when the hospitals were being overrun

You would both pass information along the underground as well, anything to end the death and destruction

The Second World War passed in much the same way, though now there seemed to be even less time to rest

You would stand and quietly hold each other on the long nights when it all seemed endless, listening to Churchill over the radio and trying to not get too down

The next little while passed by uneventfully really - everyone was trying to recover from the after effects of the fighting and the Cold War was in full flow

When it got to the 50’s and 60’s though, things started looking up once more

You lost count of the number of dances you went to with the mortician, each of which he invited you to in a most gentlemanly manner

Eventually you invited him to a few, though he jokingly complained each time that he should be the one to ask you

Undertaker’s slow dances went unrivalled, both at events and whilst you were alone in the parlour

Those were your favourites, gazing lovingly into his phosphorescent eyes, glowing softly in the half dark as he smiled back at you

He would hold your body to his as close as possible, keeping you flush together whilst still moving to the music

He would have an arm securely around your waist, far too much contact for the dance you were doing but you had no complaints

When it got late and dark and you were still stepping around each other, you would lay your head on his shoulder and his hand would move automatically to your hair, ever so softly combing back through it and nails caressing your scalp so masterfully that it took far more effort than it should have done to stay awake

He knew that of course and would grin, wasting no time in sitting down somewhere with you in his lap, whispering sweet nothings until your eyes did finally close, albeit against your will

You would smile in the morning when you woke up in bed, but still wrapped tightly in the mortician’s embrace

Moving swiftly onto the 70’s, I just want to say if you don’t think Undertaker could disco with the best of them, you are so wrong

He’s a fabulous dancer, no matter what the era or style and there wasn’t the move he didn’t know

You would often catch him dancing away to the pop songs over the radio or on the little TV you two had purchased

When he saw you, not only would he not stop but he would grab you and get you to start dancing with him

The reaper took full advantage of the fashion for flares and all things day glow, mismatching neon socks worn proudly

And of course if this wasn’t the era of the best comedy movies

You went to the movie theatre to see all of them, got them on DVD and ultimately there wasn’t a single reference that went over your head

It was also impossible to pick your favourite

From then on, the two of you really just watched fashions and trends progress into the ones we know now

He has a black hearse of course, but not your average one

It’s all sharp angles and gleaming chrome, a skull pendent hanging off the rear view

When it’s Halloween season, he puts a skeleton in the back so others can see it through the back window

The tech side of things is definitely a bonus, phones are just convenient and there’s so much media (films, music) you can never get bored

You’ve been to festivals together, fringe all the way

Undertaker teleported you to the front when your favourite band came on; it was the best thing

He even hoisted you up on his shoulders at one point and when you waved at the lead singer, they waved back

You have a collection of memorabilia from all of them, not to mention all the concerts you’ve been to together

You have literally hundreds of photo albums, dating right back to when cameras were first invented

At the time, nobody could work out how you got a camera either

Undertaking itself hasn’t changed that much over the years of course and the mortician still lives and works in the same place as he always has

You asked him about it once

He said he’d been there so long by now that he couldn’t imagine going anywhere else, wouldn’t even know where to start

He asked you to move in not too long ago and given how much time you already spent at his place, you agreed

You spent your first night there wrapped firmly in the mortician’s arms, laying on his chest rather than a pillow and held securely under his covers

You were curled around each other with as much contact as you could muster and got all the better night’s sleep for it

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

lewis pepper

let's get into it (send me a character)

First impression: uhh lemme see, i joined the fandom at the release of hellbent so i think my first impression upon finishing the videos was GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

Impression now: it remains, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. but also mwah kisses on head. he's a fucking disaster and i love him

Favorite moment: guess what i have an entire tag about it and it's THIS:

LOOK. AT. HIM. LOOK HIM FACE. he went from 100 to 0 about arthur SO FUCKING FAST. like i'm literally just repeating what i've already said here but, arthur is running directly at him and vivi, arm outstretched, looking panicked, a perfect mirror of the moments right before his death – and his reaction is fucking nothing. no panic. no anger. zero. oh hey arthur. you're here. you see that shit with mystery? crazy right. fucking VIVI is more alarmed than he is. i don't know if he has just hit his limit of shit to process tonight but MAN i have OPINIONS ABOUT IT

Idea for a story: [gestures at my entire ao3 account]

i do want to maybe go back to, though, that one canon divergent au idea i was kicking around a while back, where lewis reanimates with Zero memories. and he's just kind of, hanging out. he uses his OP ghost powers to just like, start a weird inn thing for ghosts, because he's literally got nowhere to be as far as he knows, might as well make some friends and help some people out.

and then, of course, vivi hears about this weird teleporting ghost inn that will sometimes appear to lost travelers, and is like ARTHUR WE GOTTA GO

Unpopular opinion: he's such a hot mess?? i feel like people act like he's so put together and like, has Plans and Goals and shit, and Definitely Knows What He's Doing, and he doesn't. he does not know. his attempts to catch arthur are so Amazingly Roundabout that he's either very bad at planning or Not Actually Trying. he sees vivi one (1) time and immediately has to take a nap for [checks the moon phases] several weeks?? he has a bunch of baby ghosts for snuggles! he's fundamentally a dork and he's also a giant on fire skeleton! he's a Fucking Disaster!

Favorite relationship: arthur arthur arthur GOD i'm still obsessed with them. so fucking much. from all angles. they're teenage nerds being nerd friends together. they're two fucked up kids bonding over weird ass half-remembered childhoods. the post death weird shit!! arthur looked desperately for lewis for SO LONG and lewis hunted arthur for SO LONG. now lewis has to figure out "i thought you were evil and i hated you??" vs. "you are my best friend and i love and trust you unconditionally just as much as vivi" and "DID YOU EVEN MURDER ME??"

Favorite headcanon: 1. he created the deadbeats. 2. he was a station experiment pre-showing up with the peppers. i have Strong Feelings about both of these.

like 1. shows so much about his character!! he's desperate for companionship, even though he's trying to be Scary, he's got these little bean ghosts and they absolutely betray that he is Not as much of a single-minded revenge hunter as he wants you to think. it's like if instead of a menacing cat for stroking the bond villain had a herd of foster kittens running around his feet. sir it's undermining your image. but he doesn't care bc the reward of having some semblance of friends, comfort, is irreplaceable

and 2. just makes sense. listen are you listening it Fits. idk what they wanted with him but like, it can't have been anything good. do you think he knew reverb. do you think he walked into the cave and reverb was like WAITAFUCKINGMINUTE IT'S THAT DORK ASS LOSER BABY. WHY IS HE SO TALL NOW. WHO SAID YOU COULD GET TALL. and then he murdered him.

[tinyboxxtink]

Helpless *Part 4*

Well, this is where I decided to go! LoL. Let me know what ya’ll think....

Masterlist

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 5

@wanniiieeee

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@dumauier

@word-scribbless

“Why am I like this?!” You yelled to no one in particular in the kitchen.

“The doctors can’t explain it,” Arianna came from behind you, giving you a wink.

“Ha, Ha ha.” You laughed sarcastically. “Seriously, I did it AGAIN,”

“Your little ‘Rain Man’ routine? Aw honey…” Ari made a fake pout face, rubbing your shoulder like a child. “Did you find out anything useful?”

“Useful….?” Your panic attack of the moment was quickly replaced with questioning.

“Well, yeah. Honey if you’re gonna hook him you need a way in,” Ari dropped off her dirty dishes and grabbed a rag, acting completely nonchalant. You blinked several times, making sure you heard her right. When she looked to you for a response, you knew you had.

“A-Are you serious Arianna?!” You screeched a little too loudly, she pulled you into her bosom in  a corner of the kitchen.

“Are you serious?!” You whispered this time. “We haven’t done that since high school, when we were living in that car!”

“Right, and unless you wanna go BACK to living in that car, we’re gonna need a...helping hand,” She nodded towards the front.

“I-I can’t believe this, is THIS why you pushed this?! Was this your plan this entire time?”

“No! Of course not! I really think the little obsession you have with him is….endearing,” she put a hand to your face, but you slapped it away.

“But when I googled him last night, I figured-- I mean, why don’t we both get something out of it?” She shrugged.

“Wha--We-I--...” your brain was running faster than you could process words.

“Look what’s the big deal? You get to sleep with him, care about him, blah blah blah--  all I’m asking you to do is find a crack in that armor,”

“So you can exploit it,” you added coldly.

“Exploit’s such a dirty word Y/N, come on All I do is do some research, dig some skeletons out the closet. If they don’t want them to get out, all they have to do is, I don’t know, throw us a few thousand dollars, and boom! We’re set for another few months!”

“Except that I actually like him, Arianna. He’s a good guy, he doesn’t deserve--”

“Well if he’s such a good guy, then you won’t find anything right?”

“I...yeah, well--”

“He’s still a politician, sweetie. Don’t let the dimples fool you,” She chuckled.

“Look, I hate to rain on your little fairy tale babe I really do, but we need this,” She took your hands in hers.

“Do you remember how hard it was for us when we moved here? Not eating for days? Taking turns sleeping so no one would break into the car? Not SHOWERING?” She shook you.

“YES, okay? Yes, I get it. We need this,” you sighed.

“We need this,” she repeated, putting a finger in your face.

“ORDER UP! Y/N!!” The cook called you for Rafael’s meal.

“I--That’s his, I gotta go,” You moved past her and grabbed the plate with a towel and walked out.

---

Rafael was reading his phone when you came back and placed the steaming plate in front of him.

“Thanks,” He said half heartedly, not looking up from his phone. Well Arianna would be sorely disappointed that you’ve already fucked this up before you knew what you were doing.

“Well don’t eat it all at once,” You tried joking, failing miserably. Who said that?

Rafael glanced up at you, then the food, then you, then his phone with a chuckle as he put it away.

“You gonna make me eat alone?” he grabbed a fork and stuck it in the pasta.

“...I’m working,”

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” he winked.

You were starving, you had forgotten to eat before your shift. And the chicken parmesan looked delicious. You grabbed a fork from underneath the bar and after looking around, took a quick bite off Rafael’s plate.

“Mmmm….” you closed your eyes and licked your lips; their food was absolutely delicious, and your stingy ass boss never let you have any free meals. Finally you looked to see Rafael just beaming at you.  

“What?” you scrunched your nose.

“You make these cute little noises when you eat. Like you're savoring every bite,”

“Oh my god…” You instantly swallowed the food and put the fork down.

“No no no! It’s adorable,” he assured you.

“...Well that’s what happens when you’re used to going days without food,” you replied with an embarrassed smile. “You learn to appreciate food,”

“I hear that,” Rafael nodded, continuing to eat.

“Right...the barrio,” you looked to the sky, as if whoever up there was going to absolve you of anything.

“That must’ve been really hard,” you placed your hand over the one he wasn’t using to eat, giving him the softest eyes and a comforting smile.

“I thought we were past that, camarera,” He raised an eyebrow at you.

“Right. Yeah,” You moved your hand and turned away from him, cursing at yourself silently. Arianna was wrong about this, he was too smart. Even if you WANTED to manipulate something out of him, he made you too nervous. He could see through you. Still, the thought of going without food was too scary to ignore.

“I just thought, it was nice to finally find a guy that got what it was like growing up with nothing,” you turned back to him with a sad shrug.

“You know most of the people that come in here are full of money. Always have been, always will be. Then they procreate and give their money to their spoiled little offspring who just grow up and spend it and continue the bourgeois cycle. The rich get richer, and hood rats like us just run around trying to grab the scraps they drop on the floor,” You gestured around the restaurant angrily as you talked.

"Hey, this hood rat did pretty damn good for himself, thank you," Rafael said between mouthfuls of food.

"Right. Well, let me know how that goes for you," you rolled your eyes.

"Hey," He swallowed, "If I can do it, anyone can. Believe me," looked at you with those puppy dog eyes of his.

"Right, sure," you replied sarcastically with a laugh.

"I'm serious!" This time he reached for your hand underneath the bar.

"What about your voo--science?" he asked earnestly.

"What about it?" you raised an eyebrow.

"What if I could do something about it?" He asked, sincerely. Oh God, he was being so sweet.

"B-But I didn't win the game, we're tied," You pointed out, making him sit back and chuckle.

"....So we are," he licked his lips with a smirk.

"Alright then, ask me one more. But NOTHING about family, comprende?"

"Fine by me, I've got one already," you smirked.

"Hit me,"

"Do you want to sleep with Liv?"

His smiled faded to a shocked stare. You saw the thought of lying go through his mind, but apparently he was learning. There was no point in lying, you'd call him out either way.

"...Yes," He finally replied, looking down at the floor for a microsecond. He definitely did not want you to know that.

"But look-- we're better as friends. I know that, she knows that. We've just been friends for such a long time, and we just have chemistry. But nothing will ever happen, I swear," It was like watching yourself, the words just kept tumbling out of him. Finally, he stopped at looked you in the eyes.

"Happy now?" he shook his head, taking a gulp of his scotch.

"Hey I didn't ask for an explanation counselor, you provided that on your own accord," you put your hands up and giggled.

"I--You..." He went over the conversation in his head, realizing only just now you hadn't actually asked to elaborate.

"....You make me nervous," He shook his head with a smile, looking down at his food. His cheeks were the just the faintest shade of pink.

"You are right about one thing though," he spoke without looking up from the floor.

"What's that?"

"It's nice to talk to someone who knows what it's like to not know where your next meal is coming from, or if the next beating is gonna be the one that kills you--" He stopped mid sentence, the pink draining from his face. Actually ALL color for that matter drained from his face. Your eyes went wide, your own face feeling pale.

You hadn't braced yourself for that one, that's for sure. You thought maybe his dad took off on him when he was a kid, maybe he was an alcoholic who would come home drunk every night. Maybe a gambling problem. Not...that.

"I--I didn't mean..." Rafael barely coughed out, his eyes still wide with shock and confusion. How in the FUCK did he let that slip? He would absolutely never even mention things about his dad, let alone make a flippant comment about him. You made him nervous sure, but this was something else. He felt too comfortable around you, too safe. And he wasn't entirely sure he liked that.

"I...I need....I'll be back," He stammered, clearly freaked out. He stumbled off the bar stool and made a bee line to the bathroom.

Arianna took this moment to come out and check on you.

"Well now, did I miss something or were you the one making him nervous?" She giggled but you glared right back at her. "What?"

"I-I can't believe you made me do that!"

"I didn't make you do anything!"

"You--You got in my head, Ari. I lead him, I stroked his hand, I did everything to make him let his guard down, and I didn't even MEAN to do it!" You tried to keep a low voice but you were in moral turmoil right now.

"Babe, you need to learn to embrace this superpower," she took you by the shoulders once again. "You have this way of...enchanting people,"

"Now who's making it sound like magic?" you rolled your eyes.

"Ok for lack of a better word, hypnotizing? Better? People just TELL you things, unprompted. I don't know what it is about you. Your whole cute little "door mouse" demeanor, those big doe eyes. Whatever it is, you charm secrets out of people like snakes. That's why we're friends!" She giggled, but stopped when you made a look of disgust. Did she really just say that?

"I mean, that's one of the reasons we're friends. Not the main one, definitely not," she shook her head, assuring you the best she could.

"But I don't like doing it!!!" You stomped your foot, tears in your eyes. You hated doing it, you hated it. Your "door mouse" demeanor was really genuine, you hated hurting people. But Ari made you do it; and you let her.

"With great power, comes great responsiblity," Ari said in a bold voice, ignoring your eye roll.

"Look if I could do it you KNOW I'd be all over that. But you've got the silver tongue, so I gotta handle the silver,"  She winked, giving you a small hug, like that would make you feel any better. After a moment, she pulled back and gestured to the bathroom.

"So what crawled up his butt?"

"His dad used to beat him," You said it without thinking, instantly slapping your hands over you and hating yourself for just giving her what she wanted.

"OOOH!! Daddy issues, my favorite," she giggled, clapping her hands together.

"ARI, SERIOUSLY. STOP," "This isn't a game, this is people's lives!" The angry tears lining your eyes threatened to drop any second.

"YES, it is. It's our lives, that you need to save. Let the fancy abogado cry about his daddy for a minute, then suggest you go home and make it better," She told you in a completely serious tone and face.

"And do it FAST, we're closing soon," She warned, going to the back as you saw Rafael coming back from the bathroom.

Were you really gonna let her make you destroy someone you actually cared about....again?

[strandedcrow]

As asked for, here it is,, me thinking about Sapnap’s character and how he could hurt us so bad if he wanted to.

So part of what I’m about to go into is based in canon, but is not canon itself. That bit serves as a speculation of one potential way Sapnap could play his character (but currently doesn’t really seem to be?). And this is just me talking about characters for fun, not a serious prediction or critique or anything :)

And, because this is built entirely around his dynamic with c!Dream, about half of this is about him. 

(also here is the obligatory disclaimer that this is all about the dream smp storyline and characters, so i’m talking about roleplay, not the actual content creators themselves. also, heads up, i briefly talk about the beginning of the march 1st tommy stream.)

I already talked about how Sapnap’s character is endlessly loyal to Dream on a surface level, and how the reason he was so upset about Dream saying Spirit didn’t matter was because of how he was punished for killing Spirit, but when Tommy used Spirit against him, Dream went and told Tommy he didn’t care about Spirit. This gave the impression that Dream only cared about Spirit when it was Sapnap who used them, not Tommy. 

But now let’s talk about how Sapnap is, as is everyone else in the server, an unreliable narrator, and how Dream definitely did care about Tommy using Spirit’s leather as leverage against him. A lot.

Spirit, for anyone who might have only heard of the horse, was Dream’s pet on the server back when it first started, before Tommy even joined. They were Dream’s prized pet and a horse he genuinely cared about. Sapnap then borrowed them and ended up causing them to die to the mobs that night. Given this was before lore and before anyone had actual characters, the reactions they had were more reflections of their actual reactions to it than anything planned or acted up (although still acted up to a degree seeing as they're all friends playing minecraft on stream together, but not to the degree we would expect to see today on the server). But, these early days are treated as being canon in the server’s storyline, and the members who were around back then do tend to treat this time period as canon in terms of their character’s backgrounds and personalities, so I believe that these reactions should be treated as canon.

So for those unfamiliar with the death of Spirit, and who have not actually seen what happened for themselves, a brief explanation of how they reacted: Dream was upset. The two had been joking around until a skeleton shot down Spirit, and Sapnap went silent in that way we all know and recognize as the immediate realization that “Oh I just messed up bad.” After about a minute of sapnap’s shocked silence, Dream figured out that Sapnap had killed his horse and was in a mix of disbelief and being sad over the loss of his pet while Sapnap was continually apologizing. Dream did genuinely care about Spirit, and was upset when they died. Looking back at this through the current lens of Dream’s character, this was the moment Dream had his first attachment on the server ripped away from him, and by his own best friend.

Dream cared about Spirit. A lot. He griefed Sapnap’s house as an act of revenge over their death. This could be considered the first time Dream snapped, if we view his pre-lore self with the same familiarity we have with his current in-lore character.

When Tommy used Spirit as leverage against him, Dream snapped for the second time.

During the meeting with Dream following Tommy and Ranboo robbing George and griefing his house, Tommy attempted to use Spirit’s leather as leverage to bend Dream to his will. And it worked. Not for long, but it still worked. When Tommy brought out Spirit’s leather to use against Dream, he backed down immediately, and the atmosphere of the meeting between Dream, Tommy, and the others present (Tubbo, Fundy, Quackity, and Ranboo) shifted entirely. 

Dream’s initial reaction to Tommy bringing out Spirit was to grow quiet and listen. 

“Dream you don’t have anything on me anymore, because you don’t have the discs.”

“What if I get it Tommy? Right now I have nothing, but what if I get it?”

Fundy and Quackity joined in with Tommy, excited at the realization that they were the ones with leverage against Dream for once. Dream finally snapped. Dream denounced Spirit, which Sapnap heard and seemingly took at face value. Dream gave Tubbo the exile or war ultimatum. Four days later, Dream commissioned Sam to construct Pandora’s Vault.

Dream’s obsession with controlling attachments on the server shifted from wanting to have the discs to use against Tommy to wanting to have leverage against everyone once his own attachment was used against him for the second time, once unintentional and once very intentional. 

Which takes us to Pandora’s Vault. It was painfully clear from the moment that Tommy started his stream that something was about to go very wrong. And everything started off as the fighting and shouting back and forth that we pretty much all saw coming with those two being kept together in lockdown where Dream had already spent the past month in solitary confinement. But it was established that the fighting we were seeing had been going on, likely for the entire past week, and had reached some form of plateau.

Even Sam was encouraging patience from Tommy, indicating that things had been consistently bad the entire time that they were both in there, and that further escalation may have stopped. They were fighting continuously, with Tommy insulting and hitting the cat that had been given to him to keep him company while stuck in there with Dream, while Dream talked about how he loved the cat and would try and stop Tommy from striking it.

And then Tommy killed the cat. 

And Dream’s initial reaction to Tommy killing the cat was to grow quiet and listen. 

We all know what happened after that. 

So, time to bring this back around to Sapnap and how his character has so much potential to absolutely destroy us.

(This is where I start talking more about hypotheticals than analysis of his character as he is in canon currently.)

I’ve mentioned before that Sapnap is loyal to Dream, and how he is constantly seeking Dream’s approval despite constantly being put down by him. But why? Why would Sapnap be doing this? What is a reasonable explanation for his character to behave this way other than the current, vague explanation we’ve been given that he still views Dream as his best friend? Why does he stay loyal to Dream when it mostly just leaves him hurt and taken advantage of?

Maybe it’s because he sees the state of the server as it is right now as a home ripped apart by a friend that he is responsible for breaking in the first place.

He sees his best friend, who he hurt, and sees that he still hurts, and returns that hurt to everyone around him tenfold. Sapnap holds himself responsible for the state that his best friend, and subsequently the rest of the server, is currently in, and he thinks that helping to fix his friend is the key to fixing everything. That it’s the key to ridding himself of the guilt of accidentally killing Spirit and setting off Dream’s downward spiral all those months ago. 

Sapnap sees the world crumbling down around him. Sapnap sees a country blown to bedrock. Sapnap sees his friends getting hurt and killed by each other. Sapnap sees a child being brutally murdered. And Sapnap sees his own mistake at the core of all of it.

Sapnap needs Dreams approval because he needs to be forgiven, not just by Dream, but by everyone else he thinks he caused to suffer.