#Gender feels

[my-wife-doesnt-approve]

Don't worry about hiding your body, worry about presenting your best and truest self to the world that you can do.

Your body is not your enemy and confidence and taking up space in body language is a hallmark of masculine presentation.

Don't shrink yourself, be proud of the beautiful person you are.

👏👏👏T H I S👏👏👏

This person is a gentle-human and a scholar, who, by the way, looks confident and hot AF, but this is the biggest takeaway for all the baby queers:

Our society (and very likely your parents, even if they have kind intentions) are trying to force you into the mainstream "acceptable" presentation for women, and being butch/masculine/gender queer/etc often means sacrificing default acceptability and the ease with which you move through the world.

But when you love who you've become, who you're becoming, their approval doesn't fucking matter anymore. No amount of passive-aggressive social acceptance can come close to the feeling of accepting yourself and being proud of who you are.

Get a better wardrobe, but also kill the tiny gender cop in your head.

Hello!

I wanted to ask a question, if that's okay. So, I'm genderfluid afab and feel like a man sometimes (probably more often than I allow myself to realise). I don't have access to a Binder or anything of that sort (transphobic parents).

Is there any way for me to look/be more masculine? I'm a bit scared of goggling because I don't want to accidentally take advice from Tate people or the like.

(PS. I really like your Siegfried Farnon cosplay!)

Heya!

This is a tough one to answer. Because "masculine" means different things to different people. And "passing", as well.

Like. When I wear my fleece jacket and baseball cap, I'm deliberately passing as a certain type of man. But I felt more masculine the other day wearing an ascot.

So, I think we need to break down this question:

1) If you're looking to pass, there are going to be trans masc guides out there that will direct you to a very particular gender presentation. They tend to assume you are white and skinny. They present themselves as a list of Dos and Do-Nots, and at the end of the day, do more harm than good, imo. Because passing guides are almost always about hiding parts of yourself physically, often to the expense of hiding parts of your psyche.

Seek them out if you must, but when it comes to passing for safety, all I can suggest is ambiguous layers, a hat, keeping your head down and your mouth shut. The best way to pass is to not draw attention to yourself, alas.

2) If you're looking to dress more masculine to alleviate gender dysphoria, then you need to drill down to what makes you dysphoric and start there. My smaller feet is one area of contention for me, so I look for semi-dressy shoes that look long and elegant (like Taft boots). Since you can't get a binder, consider layers, if your chest bothers you.

3) If you're looking to dress more masculine to seek gender euphoria, then figure out your aesthetic masculine ideal. Make a pinboard of Looks you enjoy and see if there are trends. Some folks are drawn to athletic wear. Work wear. Perhaps a vintage aesthetic -- Rockabilly. 90s grunge. 1940s British country vet (meeeee, lol).

Ask yourself: What are the hallmarks of this style? Are there casual and formal versions? How does it change seasonally? How much of it is clothing and how much of it is the body (haircut, being muscular, etc)? And above all - what is this style trying to communicate to others?

Once done, see what sort of fashion tips are out there for your style. Who are the fashion experts and how much do you care about their advice? (Menswear guy has great tips about how a modern suit "should" fit, but a lot of his advice is also personal preference with a big dollop of classism.)

Pay close attention to how men wear their clothes -- where they sit on the body, how they style the outfit. Compare how a man is styled in your preferred look to how a woman is styled and see what that sparks in you. How much of it is the clothing or body? How much is posture? You might discern some visual shorthand you can harness to be read as more masculine. You might also come up with ways to have plausible deniability around your parents by being able to pivot a masculine look to be more feminine, when needed.

After all this research, get yourself to a thrift shop or other second hand option and start experimenting. Buying actual men's clothing is probably going to be your best bet, but depending on your Look Book, that may not always be the case.

No one can tell you how to feel more masculine -- that really needs to come from within. Once you figure that out, then it's a matter of reconciling your ideal look with the peculiarities of your body. (And all men have their own challenges wrt the fit of clothes.)

Afford yourself as much grace as possible when it comes to your body. And again, remember that feeling more masculine and passing more masculine may not always overlap and could even be at odds. And only you can determine if and when that is a problem.

[undefbug]

all i do is make my silly little genderqueer self portraits and wonder if all the confusion and hurt is worth it in the end

[cryngeisdead]

Finally posting my comic, Iosis, that I did for a collab zine about the undead. This year's been a struggle for me (and a lotta folks) re:gender shit in the states and I've been less than chill about it, so I decided to channel that into a comic about queer vampires.

One thing that may not be clear from my net presence is I've got the subtlety of a brick (insert Garth Marenghi shitpost here) but I'm really proud of how this turned out & I hope y'all enjoy it! Cheers to my beloved @bfleuter for tackling the shading on this one! <3

[assembling--philosophies]

I’ve been having a lot of gender struggles lately.

Realizing that some of the things I did in my medical transition were due to *CIS* expectations rather than what actually made me feel like myself, to the point that I am pausing my medical transition to figure out what would make me most comfortable.

But Butch Wolverine tho.

Butch Wolverine makes me cry. Because it feels… like something. Like close to what my gender feels like.

And people are thirsty about Butch Wolverine.

A hairy butch. A mutant butch. A broad butch.

And it makes me feel not entirely ugly.

[tmootsie]

Is there a flag for gender neutral?

Or anything to fit me...?

I like he/they pronouns, i wear any gender clothes and any gender haircuts basically that goes for everything but my pronouns

Thx for reading ❤️

[aspecbuddie]

how did it take me this long to realise I'm trans when I spent my teens wanting to look like gerard way and frank iero????

[yaknowlikenyah]

Guy but not a man. Dude but not a boy. You know?

[archqueer]

Yeah hi my gender identity is that winged lion that serves cunt in dungeon meshi

[that-one-genderfluid-trash-rat]

Do you ever have those days where you just don't want to be perceived? Like today I just didn't want to exist. I didn't want pronouns, which is usually fine I'm just gender that day, but today my name didn't even feel right. I just didn't want to be... I felt kinda broken and it wasn't fun. I know I'm valid and that my feelings are valid, it was just a hard day to gender I suppose. Also my space bar is being weird and it's not nice.

[kendrene]

Gender affirming haircut acquired

[groovy-lady]

I’m still up in the air on if I’m nonbinary/girlflux or a cis woman. 🤔 I like wearing dresses a lot and sometimes wearing suits, I don’t feel dysphoric about my body, I’m nowadays happier using mostly she/her pronouns though I also like they/them pronouns, and tbh the only thing that changes about my gender is just my level of femininity but my gender (female) stays the same. So I guess Girlflux fits me though idk if I can use Girlflux since I was born a woman. Idk 🤷🏻‍♀️

[nastasya--filippovna]

Gender is something invented by bathroom companies to sell more bathrooms

[your-fathers-favourite-daughter]

Hi dolls ♡

Have been doing a lot of thinking and I decided to officially come out as gender fluid on here. I'm bad at coming out so yipee.

Anyway, love you guys ♡

[lowdowndandy]

I'm a boy in a girl way.

like at recess when one of the girls had to be the prince or knight in armor. my gender is fairy prince at the end of thumbalina (you have to imagine the wings). it's frodo with a stick pretending to fight off orcs on the monkey bars. It's Sun Wukong on the Trampoline with a field hockey stick in place of a staff.

My gender is like that fish that changes when there's so many girls around they've got no other choice than to become handsome.

I mean, who wants to be The Boy™ when we play our games- we're all scraping our knees and tasting blood and trading lunch - but. But. But. But.

You know, I never chose to be the boy. Not then, not when our group was only girls. It was given to me, tenderly, with outstretched arms - hopeful faces I knew thought were placing a burden on my shoulders.

D'you wanna know why they picked me? Over and over game after game through fairy tales and Disney princesses and Lord of the Rings and when we got older and we learned to write our stories down, why they picked me?

Because I'm good at it.

I never got to be the princess because everyone wanted me to be their prince.

And- if I'm being honest, it's not like I'd have ever turned down the opportunity. It's hard to describe gender euphoria when you don't even know the meaning of either word in 4th grade. Or 5th. Or 16th birthday. Or at your high school graduation.

But when I was six I used to play with a little girl down the street. Bugs thawed my ice-incased body, freeing my wings so I could save Thumbalina from marrying the mole. And with a kiss I gave her wings (you have to imagine the wings) but she called me her prince and I was able to fly.

[aoifereal]

It feels kind of silly but I'm still feeling happy because yesterday I was wearing a typical outfit of mine but the t shirt was a heavy one so obscured my boobs pretty completely and I have no confidence in my voice but I still god ma'amed by strangers.