#I just wanna wear a funny mustache you chuckle fucks

[cryngeisdead]

Finally posting my comic, Iosis, that I did for a collab zine about the undead. This year's been a struggle for me (and a lotta folks) re:gender shit in the states and I've been less than chill about it, so I decided to channel that into a comic about queer vampires.

One thing that may not be clear from my net presence is I've got the subtlety of a brick (insert Garth Marenghi shitpost here) but I'm really proud of how this turned out & I hope y'all enjoy it! Cheers to my beloved @bfleuter for tackling the shading on this one! <3

[gutsby]

My Body, His Choice

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: After a long day, Joel just needs some relief.

Warnings: 18+. Come get y’all juice (consensual freeuse). Unprotected p-in-v. Praise kink. Daddy kink. She/her pussy pronouns. Perverted but ever-respectful Joel.

Note: ‘Púdrete’ means ‘rot’ or ‘fuck you’ in Spanish.

Word count: 2.9k

It wasn’t often he’d fuck you anywhere but his bed.

At fifty-two, Joel was still old fashioned like that.

No matter how hard you tugged on the front of his shirt, begged him gently, baby, please take me right here on the kitchen table—on your desk—in your truck—really anyplace, Joel would shake his head and tote you away to his room. Then he’d blow your back out on a plush and cushy king-sized bed exactly how a gentleman should.

“Wasn’t raised to treat a lady any different,” he’d always say, sucking a breath through his teeth as he plunged his cock inside you from the comfort and quiet of his sheets.

‘Whatever you say, old man’ was your habitual response.

It was one that more often than not ended with you walking funny for the next couple days, thanks to that twenty-something stamina Joel was still able to boast.

So, with sore legs and a warm load leaking out of your cunt every night, you shut up. You didn’t mind being confined to his bed if it meant getting fucked like that. But you would let him know, every now and again or as often as you happened to be ovulating, that there was a freestanding offer for him to just…take, if he ever felt so inclined. The first time you’d said the real word for it, Joel had just smiled and kissed you on the top of your head.

“I’ll sure keep that in mind, sweet pea,” he’d chuckled.

Or, in boomer-speak: ‘No way in hell am I doing that.’

You’d made your peace with it. You’d quit wearing open-gusset undies in the hopes of getting bent over the sink while doing the dishes on a random Tuesday afternoon. You’d put all thoughts of freeuse out of your head and now just waited patiently under the covers at night if you wanted some action on the go. That was more than okay.

And when Joel thundered through the door an hour late one night, you just offered up a smile and a sleepy wave.

“Hi, handsome.”

You were splayed out comfortably on the sofa, and your favorite show was playing in a dim, muted glow on TV. Joel toed off his boots and ducked his head in the closet.

“I said he-llo, you big hunk.”

You regularly alternated between handsome, hunk, and some form of baby or beefcake if he appeared extra large that day. You hadn’t gotten a good look at his form coming in, but you figured you’d give it a stab, shoveling more popcorn in your mouth before returning to Narcos.

Somewhat garbled: “Well hello to you too, babycakes.”

It was either going to piss him off or earn you a big, wet kiss on the cheek—or both, if you were lucky. The words had scarcely hung in the air for more than a second or two, and your popcorn was going down in one slow, crowded gulp, when something fell heavy at your feet.

Your legs were stretched as far as they would go to the end of the couch, and Joel had just dropped his weight right next to them. Then he was leaning back, gingerly.

Carefully.

Joel groaned.

“God, he looks stupid,” he said, staring straight ahead.

You coughed. You winced at a sharp, lone kernel that had snagged your throat going down, and when it passed, you sat up and glanced over to where Joel was looking.

All you saw was a sexy, if not slightly anachronistically-mustached man with tight pants and a slutty stance onscreen.

“Javier Peña?” you asked him.

The man’s nostrils flared in response.

“With that stupid fuckin’ Members Only jacket— dumbass aviators, too, he looks like the biggest dou—”

“Joel!”

You blinked at your boyfriend in disbelief. He knew better than to abuse your favorite DEA agent right to your face. At last, Joel met your gaze, and his cheeks tinged pink.

“What? You wanna fuck him or something?” he snapped.

You turned back to the TV and pretended to consider.

“Hmmm…I don’t know, would Agent Peña come home an hour late with no explanation and then start griping about another man’s clothes when I try talking to him?”

“Yeah. And he’d probably backtalk you, too. In Spanish.”

“Púdrete.”

Joel scoffed.

“Oh yeah? Fuck me?”

You raised both brows as if to say, ‘Yeah, dude, fuck you.’

Maybe there was a smile behind your eyes as you said it.

You didn’t mean to give in, or let him off so easy, but there was just no grappling with a man in blue jeans and a sweaty, dirt-sodden shirt giving you a look like that.

His eyes smiled back.

You didn’t protest when Joel muscled his way over across the couch and pushed you back on your side. Yanking your hips to lay flush with his front, taking up most of all usable real estate on the sofa just to lie behind you and curl his bicep around your belly. He nosed against you and inhaled deeply. He hummed.

You spooned and watched Narcos in silence.

“Bad day?” you murmured at length.

“Bad don’t even begin to cover it.”

Joel let out a breath, and you felt it migrate through your skull. The whole weight of the world, or, more likely than not, some dipshits at work who’d cost their team a bid or delayed a project by a week, ten, or twenty, was hanging somewhere close over his shoulders and depressing his whole demeanor. His grip on you tightened even more.

“‘M’sorry,” he said.

“Me too.”

Joel’s fingers seared a string of small crescents in your skin through the fabric of your nightie. Realizing he was pressing in too much, he eased back. Flexed his hand.

“Ain’t no need to be—it’s on me.”

You felt a kiss land on your shoulder. Your eyelids fluttered as a scene of chaos broke out onscreen with some ill-fated raid or other, and Joel’s hand traveled up your side. It cupped one of your breasts through the sky-blue satin material, and just as fingers began to knead—

“I don’t actually wanna fuck Javi,” you sputtered, dumb.

Joel kissed the space between your shoulder and neck.

“I figured.”

Then his index and thumb found your hardening bud and pinched it between them, rolling the skin in soft, languid strokes. That, paired with the movement of lips up the length of your neck, had your head lolling back gently and your eyes struggling to focus on any of the mayhem unfolding in time. You wanted to turn away from it all—meet Joel’s mouth with a feverish kiss of your own—but when your torso jerked the slightest bit, trying to move, the arm around your front kept you pinned to the spot. Joel’s grey, stubbled chin tickled the shell of your ear.

“Keep watching, darlin’,” he mumbled.

A low whine sounded in your throat, a noise Joel was no stranger to. It bubbled up, almost reflexively, and then was swallowed back as by force when his left hand shifted from toying with your nipple to joining the hem of your dress. Your breath hitched when you felt the pads of three fingers make an easy, careless sort of petting motion between your legs. Stroking you gently there.

“‘M’sorry I was late comin’ home,” Joel continued in the same attritional vein, gliding his middle finger between where he felt the seam of your folds through your dress, “Makin’ you wait up, wasn’t too kind of me, huh, baby?”

“D-Don’t mind,” you shuddered, just as the tip of his pointer finger found your clit and made a circle around it with the other two—a torturous loop that lacked just enough pressure to make it feel really good, and teased.

You would’ve liked to press on, were it not for him, again:

“Aw, hell, honey.”

Your eyes snapped open, and fear seized you momentarily. Had something gone wrong?

Instead, when you glanced between your legs, you saw a stain—a crude Rorschach-looking splotch in its place. With all rational thought currently suspended and your brain in a primal fog of just wanting to fuck, you groaned.

“Joel, please.”

You know what to do. You know what you’re doing.

Joel continued to carry on as though he hadn’t heard you. He rubbed the wet spot even harder with his middle finger and let out the faintest trace of condescension with his breath, fanning warmly across your cheek. It was as though you could feel his big, stupid mouth forming a grin behind your head that made you purse your lips together and force back a whimper when he pressed.

“Left a real mess missin’ me here,” he chided, voice low, “Poor thing hasn’t been fucked in…what, twelve hours?”

You imagined the spot growing larger, gaining warmth and wetness and slick from the timbre of Joel’s voice alone. Nevermind the fact he was practically smearing it all through your panties, through your dress; you’d be soaking his hand in a puddle if he didn’t let up soon.

“Then fuck it again,” you gritted, hips stirring.

“But you’re so busy watchin’ your new man, I—”

At the last, you bucked pathetically against Joel’s hand.

“Don’t want him, Joel,” you moaned, “I need you.”

With what little strength you had left, you tried to turn your body to face the man behind you. He didn’t let you.

In fact, his hold constricted all the more unforgiving, and his right arm curled around your front from underneath you while his left hand took the plunge beneath your dress, finally. It was as torturous as it was fused with any pleasure, though, as his fingers made a pass through your panties, between your folds, and into your heat with little warning at all. Just a kiss to your cheek and then two thick fingers working inside your cunt all at once. You writhed at the stretch, and Joel nosed you again.

“I said you’re busy, baby,” he shushed, “Keep watchin’.”

Keep watching.

Like that wasn’t the most nonsensical instruction he’d ever given you, with his arm twisted over your front and his face in your hair and his fingers pumping in and out.

In and out.

“Don’t care about the fuckin’ show, Joel,” you keened.

He brushed the heel of his palm against your clit, and you could’ve cried from the sheer influx of pleasure.

“Sure you do, sweet pea, you’ve just been so—”

Joel pressed another kiss to your cheek and kept going.

“—busy, lately, it’s only fair I get to have my way, hm?”

Oh.

Oh.

You hadn’t heard his belt come undone. You were so focused on your own pleasure, and getting it fast, that you hadn’t stopped to consider for a moment whether Joel might be testing his ‘free pass’ after all this time.

And, as if to dispel any doubts, Joel kissed your shoulder.

“C’mon, baby, let me use this pussy how I need to.”

He couldn’t have made your body any more pliant and willing than if your limbs had been made of wax.

It was all happening like a dream, almost too good to be a real, flesh and bones man with his hand in your panties, your man, pulling the fabric aside and making you lie on your side while he tapped the head of himself right there.

The hand that had once been toying with your clit was now lifting your knee, parting your legs to make space for him behind you, just outside of you—sliding his dick back and forth at first while he left trails of kisses down your skin. You could cum from the friction of that alone, the little squelches of his skin on yours and the fact that you weren’t in a bed, for once, and he was doing it now. He was making use of your body and cherishing it whole.

In spite of that gaping chasm between you in strength and size, he was obeisant, in a way. Painstakingly slow.

“This okay, baby? Can daddy fuck you right here?”

Joel pressed the head of his cock right against the weeping ring of muscles, felt it pulse against him, and groaned. He let just the cusp of your folds suck him in, forming the slightest, shallowest ‘o,’ only for him to retreat, moving his dick back up and down your slit.

You’d already cried and told him, yes, yes, you can fuck me there, daddy, please—but Joel was too busy tilting your head back up to the screen. Making you open your eyes and watch the show, loath as you were to focus on anything else but the soft, steady brush of his member.

“Remember, hon, you gotta stay focused,” he said, too sweet, “Chin up and keep those legs spread for daddy.”

They were. You were. Your head was up, just barely, and your eyes were nearly brimming with tears from just how badly you needed him inside you. You whined when he kissed the side of your mouth, but loved it all the same because it made you feel safe where you were. At ease.

Joel held you open for him, the shelf of his belly nudging at the small of your back and only pressing harder as he sank in deeper. It was a sensation that felt almost foreign, the first inches he’d breached, as he filled you from a new angle and held you close, you whimpered.

“Fuck, that pussy stretches out so nice for me,” Joel let out in a groan, “Feels like she’s made just for me, huh?”

At that, you felt a hand pinch both of your cheeks, forcing your mouth in a little pout as you nodded fiercely.

“Y-Yes, daddy, she’s made for you, all for you.”

One inch retreating, three more pushing in. Joel’s breath was hot on your ear again, and you could feel the soft grey tufts of hair on his tummy fold into themselves against your back as he pushed even deeper. His cock parted the insides of your walls and fucked you open like it was nothing at all. Your eyes stayed fastened on the television screen, but, frankly there wasn’t a thing on the LED display that was registering more than a passing thought. You felt the hand on your face squeeze even tighter, then release. Then your head was tilting sideways of its own volition, and your body was not—being moved by Joel’s gentle thrusts now—and your lips somehow met his in a kiss. One of his moans bled into your mouth.

“Look so. damn. pretty. when you’re like this,” he panted, “Never look better than when you’re fucked out on this cock, don’t ya, sweet pea? Nod your head and tell me.”

You nodded. You told him. Or whimpered it, anyway.

It was exactly the same and somehow nothing like you’d felt with him before: a new place, a new position, but then just the way you were letting him have you was a territory left entirely uncharted for you both. He could take, and take, and take, keep fucking you until his old joints gave out, and you were a vessel for that pleasure. Your body was limp; Joel’s frame was imposing and always holding you up, milking from your cunt what he needed and always praising you for how good it felt.

“My pretty girl,” he murmured, words like syrup. Then, each new one punctuated with a thrust as he sped up, “Gonna let daddy cum inside this tight little pussy?”

And, to his shock and yours, the hole he’d been using all this time grew wetter, more slick, then was pulsing with arousal as an influx of pleasure washed over your body—your brain had barely registered his words before the rest of you was making an even bigger mess of it, welcoming Joel deeper each time as your cunt spasmed over again.

Pressed into the sofa with your hips tilted down, now, you didn’t need to supply a verbal answer, just pulling Joel closer and pleading in broken moans to paint you white inside. He, like you, probably couldn’t have kept it from coming out if he tried. His hands were gripping your body, pushing you down with the weight of his grasp and his thrusts and feeling too fucked out to even know how much of himself he was pouring inside you as he came.

But it filled you to the hilt, all the way down his length.

In fact, there was a moment Joel feared he might’ve stuffed you more full of cum than you could take. You’d just barely come down, still moaning and shaking and dripping with more nectar than you’d ever felt before.

Joel tried to wipe the pussydrunk look from his eyes—terrible and greedy and wanting to see what he’d left—and he was just about to pull out to make sure you were alright, when he felt something grip him. On him and around him, pinching his wrist and squeezing his length inside you, you couldn’t help but turn back to face him.

Your eyes were smiling again.

One hand had just started to inch up his arm, kneading the flesh like you needed something from him then too. Only now your gaze was drifting down to the place where your body and his were still joined, and from that look, Joel sensed there had to be a lot of him there—which is why he was shocked when next you said sweetly, softly,

“Can I have a little more, daddy?”

[tightjeansjavi]

suave

A/N: the Javier Peña brain rot is in full swing! Mans just deserves all the simple pleasures in life including face masks, a bath with his lover, and fresh fruit 🤍 thank you @angelofsmalldeath-codeine for betaing and translating! You already know how much I adore you, cariño ;)

~word count: 1.3k~

Summary: a glimpse of a self care evening with your boyfriend Javier Peña

Pairing | Javier Peña x f!reader

Warnings: domestic fluff, established relationship, mentions of alcohol and cigarettes, no age gap, intimacy, implied smut, Javier is in love, both the reader and Javier speak fluent Spanish, grumpy!javi, reader has no physical descriptions, +18 minors dni!

Espero que tengas razón, querida - I hope you’re right, darling

Bésame, Javier - Kiss me, Javier

Te quiero, mi corazón - I love you, my heart.

Te quiero, Jav - I love you, Jav

¿De verdad tengo elección, hermosa? - Do I really have a choice, hermosa?

¿Te metes en la bañera conmigo, querida? - Are you going to join me in the tub, darling?

Mmm, paciencia, mi amor - Mhm. Patience, my love

¿Confías en mí, no? - You trust me, don’t you?

Pues claro que confío en ti, querida - Of course I trust you, darling

Relájate - Relax

¡Joder! Esto está más frío de lo que me esperava - Fuck! That is colder than I was expecting

Sí lo es, pero es un frío resfrecante, ¿no? - It is, but it’s a refreshing cold, no?

Eres tan preciosa, cariño. Pero esto huele raro, y hace cosquillas - You’re so beautiful, baby. But this stuff smells funny, and it tickles

Muy guapo, Javi - Very handsome, Jav

Muy americano - Very American

Juguetona - Tease

Te necesito, hermosa. Por favor. - Need you, gorgeous. Please

¿Me puedes leer un poco, amor - Will you read to me, lover?

Pero estás tan guapo con las gafas puestas, Jav - But you look so handsome in them, Jav

Y me los pongo sólo para ti, querida - And I wear them just for you, darling

Javier Peña almost never finds the time to relax. That is until you have something to say about it. Your boyfriend believes that self care comes in the shape of a bottle, lighter, and cigarette pack. Your definition of self care is vastly different, but Javier is always a good sport, even if he’s reluctant at first.

“Hermosa, I’m failing to understand how this shit that you wanna put on my face is supposed to be relaxing.” He grumbles and drags his hand through water being filled in the tub. He’s careful to not accidentally light himself on fire due to the surrounding candles that were lit for an added ambience.

“Javier, this ‘shit’ is relaxation in a jar, guapo.” You sit along the edge of the tub with the homemade face mask resting in your lap.

He looks over at you, a few wispy strands of hair fall over his face and you reach over to gently brush them away. He catches your hand gently and pressed his plush lips to the underside of your fingertips. The trimmed hairs on his mustache lightly tickles your skin. He chuckles, eyes meeting yours.

“Espero que tengas razón, querida.”

You smile softly at him as he affectionately kisses your fingertips. You lean in close, nose brushing against his and whisper, “Bésame, Javier.”

He gently guides your fingers to rest along his sharp jawline before he closes the short gap between you and kisses you sweetly. If Javier Peña didn’t have such a demanding job, he would spend all day kissing you like this.

When he pulls away you bring your finger to the tip of his nose and lightly boop it. His face scrunches inwards at your affection.

“Te quiero, mi corazón.”

He always makes a point to tell you that he loves you. It’s important to him, and everything that he believes in. You’re special to him, and if that means he has to put up with a bit of pampering just to see you smile? So be it.

“Te quiero, Jav.” You peck his lips once more before pulling away. “Ready for some self care?”

“¿De verdad tengo elección, hermosa?”

“No.” You grin.

Soon after your dashing DEA agent is stripped down and relaxing comfortably in the tub with his arms resting on either side of the smooth porcelain. The decor in your shared bathroom reflects both of your personalities. Bright, bold, yet comforting. You and Javier both share a deep love for houseplants so it comes as no surprise that your shared bathroom is like a mini version of the Colombian rainforest.

“¿Te metes en la bañera conmigo, querida?” He asks while watching you pull the hem of your shirt over your head.

“Mmm, paciencia, mi amor.”

He huffs at this and settles deeper into the warm water and surrounding bubbles.

Once you’re undressed, you gather up yours and Javi’s clothes and fold them in a neat pile on the closed toilet seat.

He lets out a relaxed hum when he’s finally graced by your familiar presence in the tub while you situate yourself between his strong thighs. You wrap your legs around his torso, your stomach lightly pressed against his as his arms loop around your waist, hands splayed against your lower back. His thumbs gently tracing patterns along your spine as you unscrew the cap on the face mask jar.

“It’s going to feel a bit cold at first, Jav. But I promise you that it’s nice and relaxing. “¿Confías en mí, no?”

“Pues claro que confío en ti, querida.”He nods with a smile tugging against his lips.

You kiss the corner of his mouth before dipping your fingers into the jar collecting a bit of the paste. “Good boy. Close your eyes, okay? Relájate.” You whisper.

Javi’s lashes flutter shut just as you begin to apply the mask to his skin. He makes a grumbled sound from how cold it feels. It’s refreshing, in a sense. But the DEA agent isn’t quite ready to admit that yet.

“¡Joder! Esto está más frío de lo que me esperava.” He hissed between his clenched teeth.

“Sí lo es, pero es un frío resfrecante, ¿no?”

He begrudgingly agrees.

You’re careful to make sure that none of the product accidentally gets into his mustache. He peeks an eye open to see just how focused you are on applying this mask, and his heart swells.

“Javier.” You playfully chide.“No mires.”

He chuckles and slowly lets his hands rest along your hips now and pulls you in closer.

“Eres tan preciosa,cariño. Pero esto huele raro, y hace cosquillas.”

You fight the urge to roll your eyes at his playful complaining and finish applying the mask. “Muy guapo, Javi.”

“Now it’s your turn to relax, hermosa.” He releases you from his gentle grip and takes the jar from your hands. He brings it up to his nose and takes a quick sniff, shaking his head and muttering under his breath.

“Strawberries? Muy americano.” He teases.

“Says the man who sometimes uses my strawberry scented body wash.” You tease back.

He huffs at this, shaking his head as he looks at you. It’s in that moment that you wish you had a camera just so you could take a picture of him.

“Because it smells like you, querida.” He whispers and begins to gently apply the face mask. His touch is gentle, delicate and even though he tells you to close your eyes, you keep them open just so you can stare at his beautiful face.

While the face masks dry, you find yourself feeding Javier pieces of fruit that you cut up earlier. He makes a suggestive comment of wanting to eat you instead, but you decline and place another sliver of ripe mango between his perfect kissable lips. A bit of juice rolls down the corner of his lips and chin and before he can wipe it away, you lean in and playfully lick up the stray drops.

“Juguetona.” He mutters.

By the time Javier has gotten his fill of fruit, the masks are completely dry and you both gently begin to wash them off. Once your skin is bare, he wastes no time with molding his lips against yours while your arms drape around his neck, fingers sliding through the back of his hair.

“Te necesito, hermosa. Por favor.” He pants softly against your lips.

So, you let him have you.

You don’t think you’ve ever loved a man more than you love Javier Peña when he insists on getting out of the tub first just so he can wrap you up in a towel. He even lets you apply moisturizer to his face before you find yourselves in bed at last.

He’s having his bedtime cigarette while you’re reading your book with your head resting comfortably against his chest.

“Jav?” You ask softly.

“Yes, querida?” He tilts his chin down so he can look at you and blows the smoke off to the side.

“¿Me puedes leer un poco, amor?”

He’s already reaching for your book and gently plucking it from your hands. He knows how much you love his voice, and he’s happy to oblige. He however, hates his reading glasses with a passion, and thinks he looks silly in them. But for you, he’ll do anything to make you happy.

“Hate the way these silly things look on my face.” He huffs as he adjusts his reading glasses on his face.

“Pero estás tan guapo con las gafas puestas, Jav.”

He finishes off his cigarette and douses it in the bedside ashtray before his attention focuses on you once more. His freehand drops down to your face, cupping your jaw gently as he leans down. He kisses you sweetly as his thumb brushes across your cheekbone.

“Y me los pongo sólo para ti, querida.”

Banners made by the lovely @saradika 🤍

I no longer have a taglist so please follow @tightjeansjaviupdates for fic notifications and updates!

[n3ptoonz]

'Permission'

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw/F!Reader

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick

Warnings/tags: Smut; Explicit, reader is a captain, from virginia, and an admiral's daughter, power dynamic, use of ma'am/captain, rough sx, reader's call sign is "raptor", dialogue heavy, thigh fucking, alternating between names and call signs on purpose

Word count: 3.2k+

Two months ago you were going through a long transfer process. It only took forever for you to finally get the call to be set at one specific station. One would think that being the kid of an admiral would make the process quicker but they're wrong. Apparently the scheduling kept moving around and there was some big mission going on overseas on the west coast, you were supposed to be Captain of that mission but they had to quickly call in someone far more experienced than you. Must have been dire, you think to yourself.

In retrospect, it was worth it because now you were being introduced to the Dagger squad by the very man your dad constantly droned on about even though they didn't even work for the same station. It's pretty funny to you that word travels fast even if it is coast to coast. You loved Virginia, but damn you could use some new scenery.

Let's back up a little bit, this isn't really your first introduction to the Dagger squad. When you first arrived to San Diego a few days prior you had heard about a bar that the aviators go to hang out and relax before missions. Though you didn't anticipate this beaming heat, already forgetting where you were; feeling a little overdressed in your leather jacket and jeans, the heat in the bar didn't make it any better. At least you had on a plain white tee underneath.

"You're new." you hear a man say behind you at the bar. You placed your beer down and swiveled the stool you were sitting on to face him in curiosity. He was already smiling at you with some unbelievably white teeth. From his face alone he looked like a cocky guy that thinks he could get any woman to swoon over that grin.

You almost did. Almost

"You're observant." you reply, sounding a little drier than you intended. You reached out your hand to shake his and said your name to clear the air a bit. He chuckles to himself and introduces himself too with a firm handshake. Jake Seresin.

"I meant more to this city. You don't look like a Cali native. I get that feeling since I'm also not. Let me guess..." he squints at you before huffing and folding his arms dramatically, bringing a finger up to his chin. "East coast."

"Impressive." you nodded, "What gave it away?"

"Well, It's 5 in the afternoon on the hottest day of the week and you're wearing a leather jacket with jeans." he said, taking a swig. "When you live here long enough you track things like this to avoid the inevitable heatstroke."

"Inevitable?" you inquired.

"Yeah, I mean it just gets so hot that ya just wanna take your clothes off. Not my rules." he puts his hands up on feigned defense, and in your peripheral vision you spot another guy walking up behind him as he peers over his should.

"Is this man bothering you, ma'am?" he says with a stern look but it was quite obvious he's hiding a smile--if you didn't blink, you could see his mustache twitch. You lightly chuckle at Jake's expression dropping at the guy's presence before waving it off dismissively.

"We were just having a chat."

"Yeah, Bradshaw. Why don't you go over there and feel like you can win at something for once?" Jake says turning to him and pointing at the pool table, flashing a very fake flashy smile at him. When you looked over you saw a lot more people over there joking around and getting frustrated over pool.

Bradshaw, huh.

The man poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue at Jake before visibly looking like he's decided against getting into it with him. You had a feeling it was because you were watching. He turned to you and pushed past Jake to do a playful bow, his forearm meeting his torso before lowering his head.

"Bradley Bradshaw at your service." he chimes and looks up at you with a cheeky smile before standing to his full height. You were about to say something when the nice bartender lady, Penny, leaned on the bar counter next to you and told them to scram. Both looking like scolded kids, they went to head off when Bradley looked over his shoulder to wink with a smile and walking off. You swiveled your stool back towards her with a smile in acknowledgment.

"Aviators." she mused before sighing and patting your hand twice, heading back over to the waiting customers.

-

"This is your Captain for this mission. She is an esteemed officer with a hell of a reputation to uphold and credentials to showcase. She is the perfect fit for this mission since she specializes in communications from the ground, as this mission has much to do with which 4 pilots can stop these three underground plants from exploding. Her call sign is 'Raptor.'" Pete says with a faint smile, almost like a proud dad before stepping back and offering you the podium to give more details.

As you stepped up you got a good view of everyone's expression looking vastly different for different reasons. Hangman pinched his nose before sighing and looking up at you, he couldn't believe he didn't ask who you were that day...which was literally yesterday. Rooster tried to keep that same serious expression again, but damn it he couldn't be anymore obvious he wanted to laugh. The others shared glances with each other and back at the two. They must've caught hell on the way back to pool.

"Thank you, Maverick." you nodded towards him. "I have heard a lot about you guys, but we are going to need just four people in the air; two planes." you stated and turned to pull up a map on the screen behind you. "As mentioned before there are three plants close to this city, but not so close that flying over it would disturb it. The only thing that would, would be the actual explosion. From the collected data, it has a radius of 4 klicks in every direction."

"Captain?"

You turned your head to see Rooster with his index finger up after stating your title.

"Lieutenant." you ackowledged him and gestured for him to continue. After reading their files you know already know all there is to know, including call signs. But he didn't call you Raptor.

"How will you determine who goes in the air? Since this requires four pilots at most-"

"I was getting to that." you said. Your expression couldn't get any more flat if you wanted to. It wasn't on purpose, you just do hate being interrupted. Especially during a debriefing.

"Apologies, Captain." he cleared his throat and adjusted in his seat.

You gave a small nod before going over the rest in complete detail so there was no confusion. You did accept a few more questions, but once that was over they were dismissed and headed towards the planes. Fixing your stack of papers you just caught Rooster looking at you again at the very last second over his shoulder. Although you did want to see what this was about before anything else continued without knowing what was going on.

"Rooster." you called out to him before he left out the door. Stopping in his tracks he shamelessly watched you walk over to him. The closer you got he tensed up and stood there at attention.

"Am I going to be a distraction to you?"

"...Permission to speak freely?" he asked with a hint of mischief in his voice. So much for stern expressions.

"Granted."

"Absolutely." he stated. He took a pause and saw you didn't find that very funny, blank stare and all. "Um, no. No distractions here, ma'am. Uh, Captain...Raptor, ma'am." he cleared his throat and sniffed, still looking away from you.

"Are you sure? Because if you're not fit for this mission-"

"No distractions here, ma'am."

You nodded and patted his shoulder. "Good." you say and walk past him. "As you were." you called out, hearing him sigh from inside the room.

-

Two, long hours of frustration, bickering between the pilots, and losing count of whoever got how many push ups later, you came outside to hand out waters. Even if you were slightly annoyed you still had to build trust with this new squad you've been assigned to. It was Hangman, Bob, Coyote, and Rooster doing their last 35 push ups as the others drearily went back inside for some cold air and to feel their limbs again.

"15 more to go, boys." you said cradling the i've cold water bottles in your arms. In all honesty they wanted to collapse when it was over, but now that a woman has arrived that was out of the question. They all just slowly stood up in collective pained grunts and took the water, Bob being the only one that said thanks before downing it.

You had to admit... watching Rooster's fitted black shirt stretch against his tanned, sweat-glistened biceps during and after those push ups played in loop at the forefront of your brain from the time you came out here to now. The sheer determination on his face to get that shit over with...hm.

Were you really going to risk your career for a tall, hot, sun kissed man that could probably be wanting to sleep with you so he can get an advantage? Absolutely no-

"Do you like pizza?" Rooster's voice--though a bit out of breath--cut through your thoughts like a freshly sharpened knife.

"From time to time. Why?"

He shifts his movements before glancing at the entrance, seeing the other pilots mocking him in the door.

"Perhaps when this week is over-"

"Are you about to ask me out on a date?"

He nods slightly, "Maybe I am."

"Lieutenant."

He took a pause and quirked his head with a small smile. "Yes, I am."

"Bold." you said. "Real bold." you crossed your arms and turned to the door, seeing the others scrambling to get back inside. Heading towards the door you could almost feel him about to say something,

"My office. Two hours."

"You have an office?" he asked with that same damn cheeky smile present in his words, you didn't even need to turn around.

"Three hours."

"Okay, okay, I'm so-" he groaned in frustration. Bad and good. You used your title to your advantage and he just found that so-

-

"Hot." he muttered under his breath.

"I'm sorry?" you leaned forward in your chair onto your file-cluttered desk.

He opened and closed his mouth trying to recollect the conversation. "Sorry, what was the question?"

"I asked you, besides yourself, who you think could be fit for this mission." you cocked your head in confusion. "Are you distracted, Rooster?"

"No, ma'am."

"Then answer the question."

"Can't really say. It's a good amount of us who have exceptional abilities. And Hangman." he said. One of the few times he sounded dead ass serious.

"But if you had to pick..." you pressed. You were going to take his words with a grain of salt. This was a test. Over the last three hours you did the same thing with everybody else and ordered them not to tell anybody.

"If I had to pick," he mused, "Besides me, Phoenix, Bob, Payback, Fanboy."

"Hm, okay, thank you." you immediately started filling in notes again.

"Um," he muttered, "You never gave me an answer earlier," you looked up at him, "ma'am."

You placed your pen down, standing up from your chair and rounding the desk until you were standing in front of him.

"I have been here for all about a week and you are already trying to make moves on me. I could write you up."

"Will you," he says now looking at you. "Captain?"

The sound of his voice uttering your rank at such a register with intent and a taste of rasp made your jaw clench.

"Should I?" you dared.

"I think you would've already." he challenged.

You hum at that sentiment and head back to your chair. "Yes." you say while writing notes again.

"Sorry?"

"I like pizza and I will go on a date with you." you said as you kept writing. "Do not think this gives you any advantages over anyone else. Because it surely will not."

"If you have a bad time." he says, but his smirk quickly falling upon seeing your unamused expression once again.

"No adavantages, noted."

-

The date went well. It was a nice, fun evening of drinking, eating, dancing, flirting, Bradley occastionally saying "Ma'am" just to get your reaction. The way you kept playfully scolding him when he would act all proper around you ran circles around his mind. Your pencil khaki skirt that was just above the knees bunching up around your thighs with every movement. He wanted to get you out of here as quick as possible.

But at the end of the day, he is still a gentleman. Even if he is strong enough to pick you up against the closest wall and have his way with you.

He offered to take you home since he picked you up from the base. The ride back was relatively quiet but no signs of awkwardness. Just soft jazz buzzing quietly on the radio.

Upon arrival he decided against walking you to your door just in case and not cross any boundaries. You were still his superior, and who was he to think he could sleep with you? He presumes you had a good time but that is it. These things take time.

You thanked him for a nice outing and taking you home. Approaching your door you looked over your shoulder as you unlocked it, turning to face forward before slowly walking in and leaving the door open.

Bradley felt his heart leap out of his chest. Is this really happening? You're...letting him in?

In such a short span of time you could hear him parking and nearly teleport to your door. And as soon as you heard it close, he could not get one word in once your lips locked with his. His hands fell right to your hips to pull you closer. Half of him was completely caught off guard, but the other was making that blood flow right to his pants.

Panting softly as he backed away, he glided his hands down your hips and stopped right at the small of your back.

"Permission to speak freely." he said breathlessly. You'd think he ran a mile.

"Denied." you said in a sing-songy, whispery tone against his lips. His lips pulled into a smirk as he did that tongue-in-cheek gesture again.

"Permission to act freely?" his fingers wandered to the hem of your skirt. Your eyes darted to from his lips to his eyes the second you felt his fingers brushing against your bare thigh.

"...Granted." was the only word he needed to hear to pin you to the closest wall, and slide it up just under your ass. You were facing the wall with your hands planted to keep balance. The warmth of his breath and palms gripping and groping you freely made your knees slightly buckle.

"I won't utter a word until you give me the say-so." he whispered against your ear. You could hear his zipper coming undone and shuffling sounds until feeling his warm, throbbing dick in between your thighs. You both inhaled sharply at this. He pulled at the flesh of your upper thighs for easier access and start thrusting himself against your already soaked underwear.

There was something about not fully seeing your naked body but the lewd image of him sliding between your thighs that could make a grown man cry. It didn't help that your shaky sighs and very slight rocking of your hips were becoming more obvious by the second.

His hands went from your hips to his arms wrapping around your waist, back flush to his chest. He was right, he has not uttered a single word this whole time. Which was only like seven minutes but felt like thirty. He only grunted and sighed as he couldn't take his hands off of you, but he needed more. There was a part of you that did want to see if he could cum like this though. The friction was coated in your own fluids of arousal, and you wondered what his cum would look like on your thighs.

You swear for a split second you could hear him whine against your neck. He held you tighter and moments later you felt a warm liquid trickling down your thighs when his hips met yours. His breathed hitched the second he pulled back. Now it was your turn to be cut off by a kiss. He lightly tapped under your thigh so you could straddle him. Once you were hoisted up into his arms your brain was void of all that superior crap, you just needed him to be inside of you within the next five seconds.

"You can speak freely now," your voice just above a whisper and cupping his jaw, "Lieutenant."

"Wall or chair?" he asked, his tone much more cocky now since you used his rank.

"I gave you permission to act freely, didn't I?"

As if you hadn't said anything but a word, your back met the comfort of the soft living chair next to the couch. After swiftly sliding your underwear off he wasted no time slamming into you and bottoming out, eleciting a choked out and surprised gasp from you.

Both your legs were slung over his shoulder as he went to town and his arms caged you in when his hands gripped both arm chairs. He huffed with every stroke and tried to keep his composure, but you were so wet and nearly slippery he could die smiling.

One glance at your pleasure-contorted face made his movements stutter. You bit your fist to stop yourself from letting the entire neighborhood know what was going on at exactly midnight.

"You close?" his hoarse voice woke you from whatever haze you were falling under. You nodded lazily and whined, now gripping the pillow behind you.

"Are you?" you asked and moved one of your legs to his other shoulder so he could come closer to you.

"Not without your permission." he whispered against your lips, stilling his movements just enough to kiss your g spot. You cursed at the feeling and caressed his cheekbone.

"We will cum together." you said with a kiss, quickly broken when he somehow fucked into you deeper than before. Not even five pumps in you both reached climax. Bradley pulled out just time and made sure to lift your shirt and make a mess on your stomach. You on the other hand were trembling for a few moments before you felt your muscles relax finally.

He carefully peeled himself off of you and helped you stand up, holding your hips for support.

"You sure I won't get an advantages after all this?" he playfully asked. Almost instant teasing regret hits him the second the question comes out his mouth.

"...Denied."

[gimmethosedaddymilkers]

The Stronger Desires

So, starting off strong, we're doing the request for @cantchoosejust1 first, who lovingly requested a femme fatale reader.

Now, I haven't written anything like this, so hopefully you enjoy my spin on things.

Now, let's see exactly what happens with these two.

*Side note, I may have a poll later regarding a pfp change, just to see everyone's thoughts.*

Warnings: Cursing, canon like violence, sexual innuendos, perhaps even fluff, Female reader

The gif is unfortunately not mine, and Tumblr didn't wanna work with me, so it's from Pinterest.

Anywho

Arthur wished, truly, that he could explain exactly how he ended up in this spot, but honestly he'd be just as lost as whoever he was telling the story too.

The night had started off pretty good in all honesty. The gang had been celebrating, enjoying their success on the last job they'd managed to pull off, drinking, laughing, and causing problems for everyone else around them in the saloon.

The place had been lively. Hell, even Arthur had ACTUALLY been having fun.

The biggest smile on his face as he took a seat in the far corner to catch his breath from all the dancing and singing he'd been doing, which he was sure had made him look like an absolute fool.

He chuckles to himself as he quietly lights a cigarette and places it between his lips.

The Saint Denis saloon was...surprisingly more lively than what he'd expected it to be. Rich folks sure knew how to party properly.

Out of the corner of his eye he spots something, a brightly colored dress, not out of the norm for this place, but, for some reason, this one seemed...different.

He turned his head to look, and he was honestly surprised he managed to keep the cigarette in his mouth with the way it nearly fell open.

The woman wearing the dress was far prettier than the actual dress itself.

A gorgeous face, and absolutely wonderful hair as well.

The only part that didn't quite make much sense to him was the fact that you were all over a fat aristocrat. Balding with an awful mustache, but you seemed to be rather excited to stand next to him.

He couldn't quite understand it, how absolutely stunning you are, yet you're following a man like that around.

It boggled him.

The night continued, as they usually do, but now that he'd seen you, Arthur couldn't quite stop staring at you.

You were absolutely beautiful. You were...stunning, and it was damn near impossible for him to focus on much else.

It was hard not to when they man you were clinging too was a big as a house, and being followed around by at least four body guards.

What he was doing in a saloon he'd never know.

It's pretty late at night when things really start to get confusing for Arthur. It's about here that he'd be a little...confused when trying to retell the tale.

Due to the confusing nature of it all as well as all the apple pie moonshine in his system.

Things seem to be going smoothly, until all the sudden the entire saloon is screaming rather than singing.

Instinct takes over and Arthur's hand grabs the butt of his pistol before he realizes exactly what's going on.

The crowd quickly disperses, and it's then that Arthur realizes exactly what happened.

You, you're what happened.

There, on the floor is the aristocrat, though he's much less lively now that there's a bullet wound through his head.

How the hell he hadn't heard the shot he still didn't grasp.

The body guards all surround...you.

Arthur almost jumped up right then and there to defend you. He could take out all four of them in a matter of seconds, and he knew that, but right as he contemplates it he watches you pull a revolver out from under your dress.

The evening suddenly got much more interesting.

"Back off! Or I'll kill you too, that fat bastard had more money than he needed anyway, and if he'd put his hand up my skirt one more time he was gonna die in a much worse way, so be fucking GRATEFUL!"

Arthur nearly laughs out loud at the venom in your voice. It was...well it wasn't funny actually, it was more...attractive to him than anything.

For a moment you make eye contact with him, and it's a strange sensation, the way the two of you seem to talk with your eyes.

Arthur gives you a soft nod, a small smirk on his face and then he nods towards the saloon doors.

You give a nod in return and Arthur takes it as his que to leave discreetly.

It's only a moment later when you exit the saloon at a sprint, and Arthur holds his hand out for you to grab as he sits atop his horse, a black Shire.

You take his hand and he hoists you up easily, as if you weigh nothing at all.

The moment you're on his horse he takes off, the remaining guards rushing out of the saloon too.

It's only seconds after that, that the sound of the lawmen's whistles can be heard. One of the patrons must have reported the gunshot.

You hold onto Arthur for dear life, an arm around his torso and the other holding out your revolver.

"Nice to meet you mister! I take it you aren't exactly a friend of the government either?"

"No ma'am!"

Arthur laughs at the absurdity of it and keeps riding hard as the lawmen start to gather behind the two of you.

"Quick on your feet back there!"

He states, taking a turn down an alleyway that appeared to be just big enough.

"Thanks, you too, saw you reach for your gun!"

You chuckle to yourself.

"Don't exactly look the rich type. In fact, don't look like the Saint Denis type. I take it you might be in the uh...'bodyguard' business."

"If ya mean shootin' fools who deserve it, then yes, I am."

"Yeah, that's what I mean."

"Arthur Morgan."

"Y/N L/N."

"Nice to meet ya. Let's get the hell outta here."

Arthur did his best to do just that, out running the law as quickly as he could get his poor horse to go.

Finally after quite some time the two of you make it into the woods, just outside Saint Denis, the sound of the lawmen steadily fading.

You're nearly out of the woods, metaphorically of course, when a stump seems to have other ideas.

Arthur and you both go flying off the horse, and directly into the mud below.

It's dark as hell and Arthur has no clue exactly where he is, and you just barely do.

Both of you are covered in mud and Arthur's horse: Mayhem, is currently writhing on the ground attempting to right itself.

You sit up in the mud, scoffing and trying to wipe mud off your face as Arthur does the same.

"Christ Alive..."

Arthur groans, flicking his arm downwards, trying to get the mud off.

You do the same, looking at him with a look of disgust on your face, only for a moment, before you start laughing.

"Well, Mr. Morgan, how very kind of you to dump me in the mud like this."

"Well I didn't mean-"

You laugh and stand up, before you tear off your skirt, now soiled with mud, to reveal your pants underneath it.

"I needed to get that thing off anyway, I was about tired of it."

You reach your hand out, and Arthur takes it, a sort of sheepish grin on his face.

"Well, glad ya ain't too mad at me."

"Nah...you ain't crossed the line just yet cowboy."

Arthur laughs this time and pulls his hand away to run it over his stubble in an attempt to try and get the rest of the mud off.

"I'll be stinkin' for weeks with this stuff, even if I take a damn bath at the hotel."

He sighs and takes his hat off, wiping mud off the brim.

He looks up at you.

"So...Miss L/N...You...sure seem more than capable of takin' care of yourself...I assume you got somewhere you can hide out for a bit until the law gets off you?"

"Course I do."

You laugh and step closer. You take the hat from his hand and gently place it back on his head, pressing your hand to his chest in the process.

"All worried about me there, Mr. Morgan?"

"Worried? No. Curious? Yes."

You offer yet another chuckle and then step around him, letting your hand travel over his shoulder, gently taking it away as you step closer to his horse, and offer it an apple from your bag that had been hidden beneath your dress.

"Well Mr. Morgan...if you're so interested, I suppose you'll have to bump into me again sometime soon, won't you? After all you did save me back there...even if you threw me into the mud afterwards."

"Hey I said-"

"So defensive."

You tease and step back towards him, you flick his hat, making it tilt upwards slightly.

"Send me a letter sometime Mr. Morgan...I could use someone like you for some of my...endeavors. If you're willing that is."

"Depends...You ain't gonna make me dress up and sing the can can are you?"

"No, I wasn't but...now I might."

You laugh and look towards Saint Denis' in the distance.

"Well...Mr. Morgan, if you could do me a favor and drop me off near Rhodes...I think I'd be forever in your debt."

Before Arthur could really register it, that's exactly where he was, stopped in front of the Rhodes train station, holding something you'd given him as he watched you climb onto the train.

A heavy locket, sat in his palm, as well as a handkerchief you'd insisted on giving him, with your initials sewed into the corner of it.

You smile at him, and wave from your seat as the train pulls away, and something within Arthur tells him that it won't be the last time that he sees you.

He couldn't quite remember exactly how he'd managed to end up here. In all complete honesty, the only thing he really knew for certain was that you were....something, that was for sure. Spitfire and kick to you.

He'd see you again. he'd make sure of it.

Okay, so, like I said, this is slightly different than what I write, not by much, but it is a little different, so I hope it was good, and I hope that you enjoyed it! As always, I'm always happy to rewrite something if it doesn't hit the spot just right!

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #584: Enter Bowsette! (Super Smash Bros Ultimate)

Ganondorf: Uhh.....

Hades: (Starts Smirking) Well, Well, Well~

Dark Samus: ....................

Mewtwo: ..........................

Ridley: (Eyes and Mouth Widened as He Starts Blushing at a Woman in a Black Dress.....Who Almost Resembles a Certain Princess) !!!......

????: (Chuckles Evilly While Doing a Fashion Pose) Surprised to see me like this, boys?~

Ridley: Uhh. (Immediately Got Up From his Seat) E-Excuse me! Gentleman, I uh....I had to uh....go outside to uhh....do stuff. (Sprints Away Towards the Mansion Door)

Ganondorf: I'm sorry, but...do we know you? Are you like..... another one of Peach's cousins or something?

????: What? No. Guys, it's me: Bowser.

Mewtwo: (Raised an Eyebrow While Crossing his Arms) If you really are Bowser, then tell me: How many children you have and what's their name?

Bowser(?): You're kidding, right? I have eight kids! Their names are Junior, Larry, Morton Jr., Wendy, Iggy, Roy, Lemmy, and Ludwig von Koopa!

Mewtwo: Hmm....I see....In that case, then tell me.... What is your thoughts on the Mushroom Kingdom's Hero, Mario and how a lot more often he has beaten you-

Bowser(?): ('Grrrrr') Fuck that Italian Plumber! Everytime I set my plans to action, he always had to fine some way around them! One of these days, I'm gonna rule that Mushroom Kingdom and beat stupid mustache loser...(Slams her (His) Fist on the Table) ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!

'Silence'

Mewtwo: ('Sigh') I believe that answers our question, gentlemen. She is really Bowser as a woman.

Bowser: Well, duh! That's what I've been telling you for the longest. Why didn't you believe me sooner?

Mewtwo: Simple. I just didn't believe that a woman, who looks exactly like the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, or any other woman in that matter, would ever come over here and directly tell us that is she is you.

Bowser: (Shrugged) Eh. Fair point.

Ganondorf: Sooooooo......Bowser.....You mind telling us why you turned yourself into a woman in the first place?.....Or better yet how?

Bowser: Well, to answer your second question, Ganon....(Proudly Points at the Crowd He/She is Wearing on His/Her Head) I was able to have this bad boy with me!

Mewtwo: A crowd?

Bowser: Oh it's not just any crowd. This right here is a Super Crown! It allows whoever wears, turn into a literal princess.

Ganondorf: Interesting......

Dark Samus: .......................

Hades: (Chuckles Lightly) It's sounds a bit more kinky if you ask me.

Mewtwo: (Turns to Hades in a Bit of Annoyance and Disgust) Keep your disturbing fantasies to yourself, Hades.

Hades: Hey now. No need to get all fussy with yours truly, Mewwy boy. Just speaking the truth is all.

Mewtwo: (Grits his Teeth While Balling his Fist Up with Dark Magic at the God of the Underworld) Never call me that again, swine. In case you already forgotten, the only one has the privilege to call me that alone is Zelda.....

Hades: Oho! (Gives an Angry Mewtwo a Smug Look on his Face) You don't say?

Ganondorf: Calm yourselves, boys. This isn't really the time for antagonizing each other.

Bowser: Yeah! I still got a lot to tell you about this bad boy!

Hades: Why, certainly. I'll stop as long as Mewwy here calm himself down.

Mewtwo: (Starts Growling at Hades)

Bowser: Mewtwo. Don't make me get Zelda up in here.

Mewtwo: (Sighs in Defeat Before Going Back to his Previous Posture) Fine.

Bowser: Good. Now, as I was trying to say.....(Starts Grinning Evilly) I can totally use this to my advantage of winning for once!

Ganondorf: Oh really? If so, then have you come up with a plan to use it yet?

Bowser: Well, you see, I....uhh....uhhhh....('Sigh') Okay, so maybe I haven't come up with an actual plan yet.....

Hades: (Rolled his Eyes) Big surprise....

Bowser: But know this, fellas!! Once I come up with one, not only will I finally beat that stupid plumber in own game, but me, my kids, and my subjects finally reign supreme, or my name now will not be QUEEN BOWSETT-

?????: Bowser!!

Bowser: (Turns Around to See Peach Glaring at Him/Her) Oh! Uhh. Peach! (Chuckles Awkwardly) Hey! How's it going?! I-I was just.....you know.... walking around.... Hanging out with the fellas and what not.

Peach: (Points at the Super Crown on Bowser's Head)

Bowser: O-Oh! You're uh... wondering why I got this silly looking crown on my head, huh? (Chuckles Awkwardly Some More) Funny story really. You see, I-

Peach: Gimme back the crown, Bowser.

Bowser: B-But-

Peach: (Shushed Bowser to Stop Talking) Give it to me...... Now.

With a groan of defeat, Bowser (or Bowsette) finally takes the Super Crown of his head, instantly turning him back to the King Koopa he always was.

Bowser: (Gives Peach the Super Crown Back) Here.

Peach: Honestly. How many times do I have to tell you not to steal this from me and try using it for your schemes?

Hades: Wait. (Starts Chuckling) You mean to tell me this isn't the first time Koopa boy over here try to steal that crown of yours?

Peach: ('Sigh') Unfortunately..... He's been trying to steal it from me non-stop ever since I first brought it here. It's already starting to get way out of hand.

Ganondorf: Now that you mentioned it, why did you have it here in the first place?

Peach: No real reason really. I just thought it look adorable. I didn't know it had that much power in it. But since a certain King Koopa....(Glares Back at Bowser) had to go and steal for the millionth time, I guess it's for the best to put it back from where it came from.... Wherever that is. Until then, I don't want any of you to try and lay a finger on this crown. Do understand me?

Ganondorf: (Shrugged) Eh. Sure.

Hades: Whatever you say, princess.

Mewtwo: I wasn't even interested in it to begin with.....

Dark Samus: (Simply Nodded) ..............................

Bowser: (Groans While Tapping his Claws on The Table and Looking Away)

Peach: Bowser..... (Pinches Bowser's Cheek) I want you to promise me!

Bowser: (Winches in Pain) Alright! Alright! Fine! I promise I won't mess with it anymore! You have my word!

Peach: (Sighs as She Finally Let Go of Bowser's Cheek) Good. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go out and buy another safe. Maybe some protective security to go with it..... (Walks Away While Calling Out For Someone) Mario!Will you go shopping with me please?!~

Bowser: Well...... That's another golden opportunity thrown out the window.

Ganondorf: I'm sure you'll think of another plan to claim victory soon enough. No need to rush with one now.

Bowser: ('Sigh') Whatever......

Ridley: (Rushes Back to the Table with Bouquet of Roses While Wearing a Tuxedo) I'm back, mila- Wait. Guys, where the woman with the black dress go? D-Did she already left home or something?

Bowser: (Whispers to Hades) You guys wanna tell me or should I?

Hades: Nah. Let's not anything. (Starts Smirking Evilly) I honestly wanna see how this stupidity plays out.

Ridley: Guys, seriously, where the fuck she is?!

@keyenuta

@cyber-wildcat

@italian-love-cake

@26shann

@ma-lemons

@albion-93

@gengar-sans

@chompycroc

[orange-waterfalls]

Sleeping Beauty

Darkiplier x Wilford Warfstache

@grey-b0y ty for the request!(im sorry it took so long lol)

A/N: ight so. first time doin a ship. literally the best thing ive ever written. may like to do more. uhhhh Dark being an overworked bastard. Wilford being the caring boyf that he would be. Disney movies. If you couldn't already tell. Uhhhhh finished this in an hour, re-read it, may actually be the best thing I've ever made I'm ngl. Dark may be a bit OOC, but that's just cause he's a lil bit tired. uhhhhh yeah. Enjoy!

Requests are open

--

Dark let out a quiet sigh as he opened the door to his and Wilford’s house. He threw his suit jacket to the side with absolutely no fucks to give about where it landed. He stumbled through the house until he eventually landed in his office, plopping down in his chair and leaning back with a groan.

He had so much work he still had left to do, and it was already 9:00. He was so, so, so very tired. The egos had been especially annoying that week, all having the stupidest comments during meetings and refusing to shut up once they got started. Dark had noticed Wilford gave him a “look” whenever he saw the entity annoyed or angry. He didn’t want Wilford to worry, so he always brushed it off. In hindsight, it might have been a good idea to let Wil help him. They were in a relationship, after all. People are supposed to help those that they love. Dark never gave Wil much of a chance to do that. He felt bad for it at times.

Dark rubbed the bridge of his nose and yawned. He shook his head and cracked his neck and flexed his hands, trying to make himself more awake. “Trying” being the keyword here. He reached into his messenger bag and pulled out his laptop and computer mouse. He opened the laptop and opened a document of everything he was supposed to schedule, approve, and deny. He went through everything, the blue light illuminating his pale face, the bags under his eyes looking very prominent. Any person with eyesight and half a brain could see he was sleep-deprived and overworked.

He heard a noise come from somewhere in the house. He stopped clicking and raised his head a bit, trying to listen. Nothing else came. He shrugged lightly. He was probably just imagining things…

Probably…

Another noise. A THUMP. Louder this time. He took his hand away from the mouse and leaned back in his chair, watching the closed door of the office. He stared at it, waiting for another noise to show up.

The sound of shattered glass and Wilford cursing caused Dark to jump up out of his chair. He threw the door open and ran to the source of the noise.

“Wil!” He called as he stopped in the living room. The panicked look on his face died down into indifference and mild annoyance.

Wilford was laying on his back in the middle of the room, margarita glass in hand, with the window shattered and shards of glass surrounding him. He turned to Dark and smiled.

“Good evening, pumpkin!” He greeted joyfully. Dark exhaled deeply and walked over to Wilford. He had no problem with the glass because his shoes were still on. Wilford, apparently having some sort of supervision when it came to Dark, noticed this small fact. “Why do you have your shoes on? When did you get home?” Dark, ignoring the question, pulled Wilford to his feet.

“Where’s your key?” He asked, exasperated.

“Now, hold on. I asked you first. It’s not fair that I have to answer questions when you haven’t answered mine!” The reporter pouted. Dark rolled his eyes.

“Stuck in a meeting. Stuck in traffic. Got home a couple of minutes ago,” He sighed, “Where is your key, Wil?” Wilford looked around for a moment before his eyes landed on a clock. He let out an exaggerated gasp.

“Dark! It’s so late! You must be exhausted!” He said, cupping Dark’s face in his hands. He can’t help from melting into the touch of his favorite person.

“No, no, I’m fine, really,” Dark mumbled, obviously lying. Wilford frowned.

“Come along now, darling, you know you can’t lie to me,” He said, stepping a bit closer to him. He looked into Dark’s eyes while the entity avoided eye contact. Wilford huffed before his eyebrows raised and a smile formed on his lips. Dark noticed and furrowed his eyebrows

“What?” He asked, slightly worried. Wilford grabbed his hand and led him to their bedroom. Dark sighed.

“Wil, I don’t-” He was cut off by a T-shirt being thrown at his face. Dark, being extremely tired, didn’t process what had happened until he looked down and saw the shirt. He looked back up at Wilford, squinting a bit. Wilford had somehow already changed. He was wearing pink shorts and a white shirt with a rainbow on the front. Dark glanced down at the shirt and raised an eyebrow. Wilford cleared his throat.

“My eyes are up here, Darky-poo,” He teased. Dark would have blushed if he were less proud. Would have.

Dark rolled his eyes and picked up the shirt, ushering Wilford out. God knows how long into their relationship and Dark still refused to change in front of his boyfriend. Wilford shook his head and chuckled, heading into the kitchen.

--

He made two bowls of popcorn, knowing for a fact he would scarf down his in a matter of minutes. He walked into the living room. He heard creaking and looked back to see Dark walk in after him. The pale entity wore black boxers and the grey shirt that was thrown at him. Wilford smiled.

“What took so long, darling?” He asked sweetly. Dark scoffed at the third pet name that night.

“Resting my eyes,” he claimed. Wilford hummed, knowing it was a lie. He wouldn’t push it, though. Dark sighed. “What are we doing, Wil?”

“Watching Disney movies. Only the musicals, though,” Dark groaned.

“Wil-”

“Listen,” Wilford said, suddenly sounding serious. Dark closed his mouth. “I know you won’t listen to me when I tell you to rest. So, if you’re gonna stay awake, you might as well do something vaguely fun, right?” Dark smiled softly.

This person. This person loved him. This person cared about him more than anyone else did. And this person that cared about him was trying to help. Dark sighed, but not in an exasperated way. In an “I really can’t argue because a) I have nothing to argue and b) I kinda sorta really don’t wanna argue but I still wanna act like I do” kinda way. He shuffled his way over to the couch and plopped down next to Wilford, scooting as close to him as possible. Wilford grinned and settled himself.

“But do we have to do all of them?” Dark complained. Wilford stroked his mustache a bit.

“Well, no, but we gotta start somewhere.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means you get to tell me which year to start from.”

“Last year.” That earned a small glare from Wilford. “Fine, fine… uh… 19...8...9?”

“The Little Mermaid it is!” Wilford said excitedly.

“Wait, you know all the years?”

“Of course I do! What do you think I am? Some sort of commoner?!” Dark slowly blinked at that wreck of a sentence and turned back to the TV screen. Wilford put an arm around Dark, who snuggled into the touch. Then, Wilford hit the play button on his remote.

--

Two movies later, Dark was out cold. They’d barely gotten through a third of “Newsies” before Wilford looked over and saw the entity sleeping. Wilford had been mindful enough to keep his singing voice to a minimum, and so Dark hadn’t woken up. Wilford wasn’t even sure how long he’d been asleep. When did he last look? Halfway through “Beauty and the Beast?” Aw, too bad. 30 more minutes and they would’ve started on “Aladdin”! Wilford shrugged and paused the film.

He gently shifted in his spot and lifted Dark into his arms. He slowly carried the “Sleeping Beauty”(shut up I’m funny) to their room. He gently laid Dark down on the bed, covering him with the blankets. Dark almost instantly cuddled into them. Wilford bit his lip as he stared down at his lover. Well, since they didn’t watch Sleeping Beauty…

Wilford gently leaned down and brushed a small curl out of Dark’s face. He gazed at his sleeping figure in admiration before leaning down further to connect their lips in a small kiss. Very small, more of a peck than a “kiss” kiss, but still. Dark slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times as Wilford pulled away.

“Aw, Dark,” Wilford whispered, “I woke you with true love’s kiss!”

“You woke me, period,” Dark grumbled but stretched out his arms, tempting Wilford to go to bed.

Wilford climbed in next to Dark, spooning him. He held his arms tight around his partner’s torso, burying his nose into the entity’s hair and inhaling deeply.

“What are you doing?” Dark almost chuckled. Wilford smiled.

“I like your smell…”

“Oh?” Dark twisted around to look at Wilford. “And what do I smell like?”

“Home…” Wilford answered with a lovestruck look on his face. He could’ve sworn he saw a blush before getting hit in the face with a pillow. He laughed as Dark turned back around.

“You are the cheesiest person in the galaxy,” Dark said. Wilford’s lips curled into a grin as he snuggled up behind Dark again.

“Maybe…” He answered. Both of them sighed contently. “I love you…”

“I love you too...” Dark mumbled, still very tired, “Goodnight, Wil.” Wilford smiled as he tightened his grip ever-so-slightly.

“Good night, Sleeping Beauty…”

[remywrites5]

8 or 15 from the prompt list for wolfstar? I love your writing, you are amazing! So glad you’re back ❤️

Sirius was running late as usual. This time, however, it was not his fault. His Halloween costume wasn’t exactly something he could just throw on. The padded bra wasn’t too difficult but the mustache had taken him some time to glue on. Sirius was well known for showing up to James and Lily’s Halloween parties in outlandish costumes. James and Lily always went as the same thing – Jack and Sally from Nightmare before Christmas. After they had Harry they’d begun dressing him as Ooogie Boogie to match them.

           Sirius was walking as quickly as he could in his high heels. It absolutely freezing out and Sirius regretted not grabbing a jacket. His pink shirt and black leather skirt did little to help him against the cold. If he had been smarter he would have gotten an Uber to the party and not walked the ten blocks to the Potters’ house.

           By the time he arrived on the front steps he could see the house was jammed packed with just about everyone he had ever met. James loved Halloween and always went all out for his parties. Back at University their dorm room floor had always been turned into a haunted house that people would come to walk through. Sirius missed being so actively involved in the planning of Halloween but with his work and pretending to have a love life, there wasn’t much time. Besides, James had Lily for all that now.

           Sirius winded his way through the party and saw in the distance the familiar pinstripe suit James always wore. He snuck up behind his friend and pounced on him, hugging him tightly and giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Miss me?”

           “I’m sorry,” a voice said that was most definitely not James. “I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure.”

           “Oh my god,” Sirius said, releasing the stranger. “I thought you were someone else.”

           “Clearly.” The man turned towards Sirius and his face broke out into a smile, stretching the white make-up he wore. Even with it on Sirius could tell this bloke was good looking.

           “It’s just my mate James always wears that same costume.”

           “James as in James-and-Lily James?”

           “Yeah, that’s the one,” Sirius said with a nod. “So sorry for accosting you. I don’t make a habit of that.”

           “No?” the stranger asked, raising an eyebrow. “That must make me special.”

           Sirius laughed, pretending his cheeks weren’t turning pink. “I’m Sirius Black, by the way.”

           “Remus Lupin.” The man held out his hand and Sirius shook it. It was covered in a glove to make it look like a skeleton hand but even with that Sirius could feel the heat radiating off this man.

           The stranger took a moment to look Sirius over appraisingly. Sirius had a feeling the man liked what he saw. It didn’t take long for him to confirm it. “I like your costume. You’d make Freddie Mercury proud.”

           Sirius preened under the compliment. “He was iconic,”he breathed out, loving Freddie Mercury almost as much as Bowie. But he’d been Bowie before and would never be as lazy as James and reuse a costume. “So how do you know Lily and James?”

           “Lily is a friend from work,” Remus explained, leaning in closer as the music started up. Monster Mash began blaring from the sound system. “She insisted I come tonight because there was someone she wanted me to meet.”

           “That’s funny,” Sirius said, leaning in as well. He liked how tall Remus was, always having had a thing for tall blokes, and even in his heels Remus had a bit of height on him. “She told me the same thing.”

           Remus chuckled and Sirius decided he liked that quite a bit. Remus scratched idly at his cheek, white residue coming off onto his glove. “You know,” Remus said, his expression becoming just a bit mischievous. “This make up is itching like crazy. I’d love to take it off.”

           Sirius hoped and prayed he wasn’t misreading things. “I was thinking the same thing about my heels.”

           Remus licked his lips and stepped somehow closer, their bodies pressed together. “I think we’d be much more comfortable back at my place.”

           Sirius swallowed thickly. Definitely not misreading things then. “You wanna get out of here?”

           Remus nodded. “Unless you’d rather stay.”  

           “Oh god no,” Sirius snorted, grabbing Remus’ hand. “Any moment James is going to put on Thriller and make everyone dance. Bloody nightmare.” He tugged at Remus and led him through the sea of people to the front door.

           Sirius had temporarily forgotten how freezing it was outside but the moment the wind hit his skin he was unkindly reminded. He wrapped his arms around himself and began to shiver. Remus sighed beside him and shrugged out of his jacket, putting it around Sirius. Sirius shot him a grateful smile and put it on. He then snuggled in close to Remus as they walked together.

           “Ow, ow, wank shit buggering fuck,” Sirius said, wincing with every step. “How far is it to your flat? I really wasn’t joking about these heels.”

           Remus huffed. “You’re bloody ridiculous,” he admonished, pulling away from Sirius. Sirius was just about to protest when Remus bent down slightly and gestured to Sirius. “Come on then, hop on.”

           Sirius grinned and took a running start, pouncing onto Remus for the second time that night. He held on tightly as Remus straightened up and began walking. Sirius rested his chin on Remus’ shoulder as he was given a piggyback ride. “My hero,” Sirius said dreamily.

           It was only a few blocks before they got to Remus’ flat. Once they’d scaled the front steps, Remus gently released Sirius and let him slide off his back. The moment he put pressure on his aching feet he whimpered. “Sirius,” Remus said, turning towards him. “I should warn you that I’m not much of one for one night stand,” he explained, glancing down nervously. “So I’d appreciate it if you’d at least spend the night a-and if you have to sneak away in the morning I’ll understand. Besides it’s freezing out here and you’ll catch your death – “

           “Remus!” Sirius said, interrupting him. “I’m not going anywhere.”

           Remus chewed his bottom lip for a moment and then gave a quick nod of approval. He unlocked the door and let Sirius go through first. Remus lived in a tiny flat on the second floor of his building. Although small, Remus had made it rather cozy. “It’s nice,” Sirius said, glancing around. He flopped down onto the sofa and undid his shoes, sighing in relief once his feet were free of them.

           Remus shuffled nervously and then came to sit down beside him. “I should probably go wash my face,” he said quietly, glancing over at Sirius.

           “Mmm,” Sirius hummed in agreement. “I’ll be right here.”

           Remus stood back up and disappeared down the hall to what Sirius could only conclude was the bathroom. He put his feet up and grabbed the blanket off the back of the sofa, wrapping himself up in it. He pulled his fake mustache off and settled in happily. He could feel his eyes drooping closed when his phone vibrated with a text from James.

           Oi you wanker where are you?

           Met Remus just like Lily wanted. At his flat.

           Such a slag.

           It’s not like that.

           Can’t believe you’re missing the Halloween party for a shag. Where’s the loyalty? I’ve been there before this bloke and I’ll be there after him!

           You know you’re my number one Jamie.

           Fine. Have fun. And don’t cock this up. Lily and I like Remus a lot.

           What was that you were saying about loyalty?

           Don’t be a prick. Come by tomorrow if you want.

           No way are you roping me into helping you clean up your party.

           Some friend you are.

           You love me. Now bugger off so I can kiss a cute boy.

           God’s speed my friend. Happy Halloween.

           Happy Halloween!

           Sirius glanced up to find Remus standing in the doorway, some droplets of water falling from his hair. Without the make up on Remus was devastatingly handsome. “Hello stranger,” Sirius said, smiling sleepily at Remus.

           Remus walked over and knelt down next to the sofa. “If I knew you were just going to fall asleep I would have left you at the party,” Remus teased, gently carding his fingers through Sirius’ hair.

           “Rude,” Sirius murmured, pressing into Remus’ touch. “I like it here.”

           “Yeah?” Remus asked, smiling softly and continuing to pet Sirius.

           “Definitely,” Sirius told him, his eyes drifting closed again. “Take me to bed.”

           “I don’t think you’re up for much more than sleeping,” Remus joked, sliding his arms under Sirius’ body and lifting him up. For someone with such a thin frame, Remus was deceptively strong. Sirius could feel himself swooning in his arms.

           “You could kiss me,” Sirius offered, wrapping his arms around Remus’ neck and holding onto him for the third time that night.

           Remus ducked his head down and kissed Sirius with such tenderness that Sirius felt his aching toes curl in response. Sirius had never been kissed with such reverence before. When Remus pulled away, Sirius slid his hand down and cupped Remus’ cheek, his thumb tracing Remus’ lips.

           Remus gently placed Sirius in his bed and then crawled in next to him. Sirius snuggled against him, already obsessed with being close to Remus. “I’ve never been so happy to have kissed the wrong bloke,” Sirius confessed, beaming at Remus.

           Remus chuckled. “I hope you don’t make a habit of that,” he admitted, glancing down at Sirius’ lips. “If you don’t mind I’d like to be the only person you kiss for quite some time.”

           Sirius felt his smile go impossibly wider. “I don’t mind at all. Next year though you’ll have to wear a more distinctive costume so I don’t make this mistake again.”

            Remus snorted. “I’m sure you’ll have plenty of ideas for a couples costume by then.”

           Sirius closed the distance between them and kissed Remus sweetly. “I’d already thought of ten different ideas on the way over here,” he confessed, kissing Remus again. Sirius made sure Remus knew that this time it was no accident.

[brianmayswifey]

Quick- Brian May x Reader

Summary: It’s been weeks since Brian and you had fun together due to being busy. This is how he spends time with you while shooting a music video.

Warnings: SMUT, small amounts of fluffy fluff, cursing, bad writing skills probably

Word count: 2292

A/N: This is my first fic here so please bear with me lmao. If you want to get tagged, message me. If you have requests, please do hit me up! English isn’t my first language so I hope you understand if I have some mistakes in grammar. Again, this is a work of fiction only and I don’t mean disrespect to those who are in the story. I hope you’ll like this! I’m new at writing stories and those who had inspired me are @gwilymz and @justasupersonicwoman 💖

-Kathryn💜

“Come on, love! It’s just for fun! I love the idea. Stop being a little bitch!”, you were trying to make your boyfriend, Brian laugh after he complained about that girly music video Roger has thought of. He didn’t want to get dressed like an aunt who would always gossip or an aunt you’d always see sweeping the front yard or watering the plants. You just can’t see why Brian wasn’t a fan of the idea when the other three got weird roles.

He frowned. “Look, babe. Roger and Freddie get to wear short skirts and Deaky would be ugly in his role.” You chuckle as you picture and predict what John would look like as an angry-looking grandma. “You get to wear a long dress, what are you so pissed about?” Brian didn’t respond. He stayed right on the corner of your neck while his arms were wrapped around your waist.

“Is it the time of the month, Mister May?”, you joked, which made him laugh softly. Brian lifted his chin up and cupped your cheeks in his warm hands. You placed your arms on his shoulders as you were facing each other while you were seated on his lap. “I love you, Y/N.”, he whispered and quickly planted soft kisses on your collar bone. “I love you more, Bri.”

You’ve been together for two years and a few months but you don’t know what’s with him but you were thinking maybe it was not because of the concept of the music video but because you two haven’t bonded in weeks due to him being busy in recording sessions. He’s been acting like this for days but you never give up trying to make him smile. He really misses you. You miss him so much more.

You got his extra clothes, hygiene kit, and everything else he needs ready and we went to the car. The whole ride was silent until you spoke. “Love, everything’s gonna be alright, okay?” You rubbed your hands on his thighs to try to comfort him. His body kind of jerked as you did, which startled you and made you stop. You kissed his temple instead.

As you got there, he helped you bring the things he needs and held your hand with his left one and kissed you on the forehead. He was really tall that you were just on the same level as his chest. You both came into the set seeing Deaky and Freddie getting their makeup and hair fixed, still not in their costumes, Roger still not preparing, the crew, and a lot of people wearing cow-printed clothes. Roger waved at you and Brian and smirked.

“Are you ready, Brian?”, Brian nodded, which surprised you. “Go change now, I’ll change into my costume too.”, Roger continued. You looked up at Bri and gave him a sweet smile. You accompanied him to his dressing room. You locked the door behind you and placed your hands on your hips. “I’m shocked that you’re ready.”

“Love, you don’t understand. It’s not what I was upset about.”, you squinted your eyes, gesturing that you don’t know what he meant. “Then what is it?”, you walked towards him.

“I’m just tired of doing these! I need time with you. I miss you. I miss everything we do. I’ve got no time to spend with you because of— of these stupid—“, you spoke before he was even finished. “I know, my love. I feel that too. But just finish this and then we can spend time together, okay?” He nodded and wrapped you in his warm and tight hug. “Just stop teasing me.”

You freed yourself from his embrace out of shock. “I never teased you the whole time you were busy! I- I mean I wanted to but I don’t want to cause distractions.” Brian crossed his arms. “Then what was that when you bumped your ass on my dick while you were cooking dinner and— and..FUCK I’m getting hard just by thinking about it.” You chuckled. “Plus you were touching me in the car on our way here!”, you crossed your arms as he said that. “I DIDN’T! I touched you on the thigh to comfort you because you seem so mad!”

He laughed. “Well I wasn’t comforted! You almost touched me on the crotch, Ms. L/N!”, he hugged you before you can even speak. You felt his hard cock pressing against your stomach. “Let’s get you dressed, Brian.” He let go of your hug and kissed you on the forehead.

You unbuttoned his shirt which was already unbuttoned on the top half. Brian was staring at you as he slid his arms between yours and your waist. You looked up to him and suddenly your faces were just centimeters apart. Brian closed his eyes as he brought physical connection between him and you by pressing his lips against yours. He began rubbing his left hand on your ass and squeezing it gently while his right hand was cupping your neck. You opened your mouth slightly, inviting his tongue in. He responded quickly, making his cock harder. You felt a pool of wetness between your thighs as your kiss brought heat to your bodies. You buried your left hand through his curls and you were about to touch his huge and hard manhood when you heard a knock, which broke the kiss. It was that annoying “watcher” of your boyfriend’s band, Queen, named Paul Prenter. “Hurry up! Set that aside, whatever you’re doing!”

Brian rolled his eyes. “That fucki— annoying bitch.” You cracked up by his words. “Wear your costume now, babe so that I can apply your makeup.”, you hugged him once more while he ran his fingers through your soft hair. He gave you a gentle kiss on your forehead. “I love you so much, Y/N. I couldn’t ask for more.” You smiled and whispered as your face was pressed on his chest, “I love you too, Bri.”

You were fixing his used clothes in his bag when he called your name. “Love, I’m done.”, he said like a child calling his mum’s name after taking a poo. You turned around to see him in a pink coloured silk dress with white laces on each end of the holes. It was long and below the knee. He gave you an uncomfortable smile as your lips started to form a huge smile and making you laugh. Your laughter was so loud that the boys heard it outside and giggled as they were excited to see Brian. Though he was embarrassed, he can’t help but smile and turn his face as red as a tomato for he fell more in love with your smile and laughter. He loved it when you’re happy, he didn’t care if he looked funny as long as it makes you happy. As your stomach started to hurt and as you began to shed tears, Brian rubbed your back and your head, helping you to stop.

Your laughter ended and you said weakly, “sorry, babe. It- it’s just that you’re too cute!” Brian pouted. “Go wear your socks and I’ll put your makeup on.”

After applying makeup on him, you went out of the room and the five of you immediately laughed at each other. It was funny seeing Roger in short skirts, Deaky in a grandma look, and Fred in a sexy woman costume, with his mustache still there. They all laughed at Brian and they made fun of each other until the hairstylist called Brian to get his hair fixed.

They shot the other parts and the director told everyone to take their lunch. Some of the people in cow printed clothes went out to buy food while Deaky, Freddie, and Roger took their lunch together. “We’ll just take a look at what’s upstairs.” Brian told the guys with your hand in his. “Oh yeah sure.”, Roger smiled at us. Brian immediately pulled you by the hand and we went upstairs.

You were astonished by the design of the rooms upstairs. “Brian, looked out how beau—“, you stopped as Brian pulled you into a room— not that clean but it had complete furnitures, the bed, cabinets, and everything. Brian pushed the door behind him and pinned you against the wall. “We gotta do this fast or they’ll notice we’re gone for too long.”, he said with a breathy voice. You were so confused. But before you could even speak, he kissed you passionately. You quickly responded to his kiss and he lifted your shirt above your head. He undid the hooks of your bra and massaged your tits.

“Brian...”

He didn’t respond but he took one of your nipples into his mouth while he used the other one to pinch on the other nipple gently. Brian wanted to finish it quickly so that they won’t doubt you so he asked, “Love, do you want me inside of you know?” You moaned into his neck. “Yes please!”

He dropped you on the bed gently before taking off the long dress he was wearing. His cock was so hard that it has reached its full size. It was already out of his underwear. He pulled your skirt and panties down, revealing your wet pussy. Brian pulled his underwear down and threw it on his right side of the bedroom. His huge cock hit his stomach. He ran his hands on your lower legs up to your thighs before spreading them to make more space for his cock to enter. He pulled you to the edge of the bed for easier access. Gently, he rubbed circles on your already aching pussy especially on your clit, which made soft moans escape from your mouth. “So fucking wet for me already...”. “Fuck Brian... I love it”. He smirked as he heard your moans of satisfaction. He held you by your hips and asked, “You ready beautiful angel?” You smiled and nodded. “I wanna hear it, babe.” “Yes, my love!”

He held his shaft to guide his dick on it’s way to your slit. He went all the way inside already, making him groan and you wanted to scream from how good it feels but Brian covered your mouth. “Babe, it feels good— ugh..fuck!”, you moaned. “I know, my star. But you have to control your volume, baby.” You nodded,

Brian continued but now his thrusts were done in a fast pace, making you grip on the sheets. You reached your clit and rubbed it as he was fucking you hard. “You’re so tight, babe. I love it...” he doesn’t know if he can last any longer but he wants you to reach your climax before he can cum. “Cum inside me, love!” You moaned. “Are you on birth control right now?” He asked as he deepened his cock inside you, causing you to whimper. “Yes, love.”

“You’re so hot— you’re perfect.”, he groaned. His face was pink and covered in a sheen of sweat, some strands of his hair were sticking on his forehead. His mouth was slightly agape, trying to catch some breath. You were looking at him, feeling flustered for he looks so hot in your eyes but you were trying to hold back your loud moans by screaming silent moans. Suddenly, you felt tightening in your core. He felt your pussy gripping on his cock, making him moan loud and causing him to move in and out of you faster. “I’m cumming, Brian!”, you moaned.

“Say my name, baby and we’ll cum together!”, Brian groaned. “Cum inside me Brian!”, you can’t hold more moans now that you’re near to reaching your climax. Brian held your neck, choking you a bit as he was trying to cum inside you. More moans filled the small room until both of you came at the same time. Hot white ropes filled you and while his cock was still inside you, Brian gave you a long passionate kiss.

“How about the design of this roo— Oh my gosh I’m sorry!”, Deaky opened the door while Brian’s dick was still inside you while you were kissing. Freddie and Roger were behind him. “Oh fucking— you decided to get horny while shooting?”, Roger asked as Brian pulled out and tried to cover you with the pillows on the bed and he was struggling to cover his body. “I understand that we’ve been busy for lots of weeks, darling but you should have told us or just locked the door so that we won’t blast in! But, it’s okay, Y/N looks so happy! Go clean up, lovies!”, Freddie laughed.

“I’m sorry, guys!”, you apologized. “No darling, it’s totally fine!”, Freddie and Deaky giggled. They closed the door and left. “I can’t believe I fucked you while you’re looking like a woman, Brian.”, you laughed. He reacted as if he forgot that he was still wearing makeup and curlers were still on his hair. He kissed you once more and said, “I couldn’t ask for more. I don’t need anybody else in my life, except after marriage, we’ll make a family, yeah?”, you smiled and nodded. He picked up your clothes and got his handkerchief to wipe off extra cum still coming out of your hole and the sweat covering your bodies because he forgot to get tissues from his bag. He kissed your temple and whispered, “Thanks for this, love. You’re amazing...as always. I love you more than everything else in this world.” You smiled and replied “I love you too, Brian.”

He helped you fix your hair and clothed you before he clothed himself and both of you returned downstairs to have the second part of shooting the music video.

[romericasecretsanta]

good times, riches, sonuvabitches

So many things have happened to make this belated Secret Santa gift...so happy day after Christmas to conflicted-in-wonderland, and this is a submission so I have no idea how to @ or tag this. BUT this can also be read over at ffnet, just in case the format turns out wonky. 

This started out for the prompt of a Prince and the Pauper AU, but I tried putting a twist on it and then it got out of hand. THANK YOU for your continued beautiful contributions to this lovely rarepair, and hope your holiday season is going well!!

good times, riches, sonuvabitches

Lovino knew that shit was about to go down when he came in to work (at precisely 7:30, which was a godawful time to even be thinking about being awake, much less at work) and his phone was already ringing. His phone ringing was never good. On the plus side, his boss — Utley —wasn’t in yet, so it was unlikely it was him on the other end with yet another unreasonable and smarmy request. So he sighed, put down his coffee, and answered the phone.

“Yes, Vargas speaking.”

“Oh shit, someone actually answered!” came an all-too-chipper voice through the headset. Lovino briefly pulled the phone away from his face and closed his eyes, already able to tell this was a capital M capital P Morning Person. Ughhh.

“Yes, I answered my phone, because it was ringing,” he said pointedly once he’d collected himself.

“Oh yeah I tried a bunch of random phone numbers already but you’re the first to pick up. I guess not a lot of people are in at this time?”

There was literally no one else on Lovino’s floor.

“Is this a prank call?” he asked, much more politely than he was thinking in his head.

“Whoops, no, it’s not! I need someone to help me out with something, and it’s kind of important? I figured anyone who was willing to here this early would be exactly the kind of person for the job, but I guess there’s not a lot…”

Lovino held back a groan. Great. He’d been here for less than five minutes and already someone had a task for him. “I’d love to help,” he said, maybe a bit too dryly because the person on the other end picked up on it.

“You sure, dude? You don’t have to.”

He stopped, took a breath, and tried to think about what his brother had told him about self-sabotaging. “No, I can do it,” he finally said. “Just...haven’t gotten through my coffee yet.”

“Yeah, I get that!” was the reply, sounding like a person who’d never needed caffeine in their life. “Well come on up to the top floor, I’ll meet you up here!” And then they hung up.

Lovino put the phone down, mind suddenly racing. The top floor? As in the floor where all bigwigs hung out? Who the hell would be calling down here from all the way up there?

Only one way to find out, he decided, and downed his coffee.

He headed for the elevator.

  The person who had called, it turned out, was named Alfred — a fact that Lovino learned as soon as he exited the elevator from a very loud and very enthusiastic voice. He was so taken aback that it actually took him a moment to visually process the person standing in front of him. The guy was blonde, wearing glasses, and seemed to be fairly well-built under the ridiculous T-shirt he was wearing, featuring a screen-printed Errol Flynn with his stupid distinctive mustache.

Seriously, did they just let the people on the top floor dress however the hell they wanted?

Aside from the terrible fashion sense, he was actually pretty good looking. Not that it mattered to Lovino, who just wanted to know what awful task he was being setting up for now.

“Did you get your coffee? I got some more if you want.”

Lovino considered it. Top floor coffee was tempting, but really he just wanted to know what he’d been called up for. So: “No, not at the moment. Thank you, though. What was it you needed help with?”

Alfred looked almost disappointed, but soon enough he was smiling again, although a bit sheepishly. “Right, that. It’s gonna sound like a really weird request.”

“Okaaaay,” he said warily.

“You know that big meeting happening down in Florida the day after tomorrow?”

He sure did. Everyone who was anyone was going — so basically, all of higher management was having a “conference” down in the Florida keys while some important CEO meeting happened between seven of the top-ranking companies on the East coast. Utley had been rubbing it in everyone’s faces for weeks that he was going.

“Well, it’s about the actual meeting, between the big seven. I need someone to present some information at that meeting, someone reliable and who’d be able to answer questions about the information, so like, someone who knows a lot about what we do and has a good head on their shoulders, and I know it’s usually the ground-level guys who can answer the questions like logistics, what actually needs to get done…”

True, and gratifying to hear acknowledged, but. “Isn’t that meeting between the CEOs of these companies, though? Do you mean you need someone to give this information to Mr. Jones before the meeting?” He glanced at the double doors at the end of the hall, which had a plaque reading Jones, A. F. The mysterious CEO of their company — no one seemed to actually know what he looked like, just that he had a head for business and finances. When he looked back, Alfred was giving him a funny look.

“Right...um, well. This would actually be a job that involved. Um.” He looked at the ceiling and rolled his head back and forth nervously, like he was trying to crack his neck.

Lovino took pity on him. “I’ve been asked to do all kinds of off-the-wall things,” he told him. “Just tell me.”

“Okay, well, it would involve...pretending to be the CEO at the meeting and presenting all the information yourself,” he said quickly.

“What.”

Alfred chuckled weakly. “Uh, yeah. Y’know, the dude’s just been an isolationist so long, right? And he’s super nervous about this, and it’s not like any of these guys knows what he looks like, so why not get someone else to do that part?” He phrased it like he was actually asking, so Lovino gave him an incredulous look.

Alfred hurried to continue. “And obviously you’d be paid for the trouble, and you’d be doing him a huge favor, so....” He trailed off and looked at Lovino expectantly.

“Where’d you say that coffee was?” he asked in lieu of an answer.

“Oh! Right over here.” Alfred motioned to an open doorway. Lovino walked through in a daze and briefly noted that what appeared to be a break room wasn’t that much bigger than the one on his own floor, except fewer people used this one. And it had a really super nice Keurig. “Is it okay if I use this?” he murmured, pointing at the bag of coffee grounds and the resuable K-cups beside the machine.

“Yeah, go for it!”

While he waited for the coffee maker to warm up and brew his coffee, Lovino turned and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms as he thought. Alfred imitated his position, crossing his arms and tilting his head as he looked at Lovino consideringly, and also, thankfully, not saying anything.

“I guess none of these big seven guys know what Mr. Jones looks like either,” he mused.

Alfred shook his head, smiling vaguely.

“How long is this meeting supposed to be? Not that I’ve decided I’m doing it yet or anything.”

“In theory about an hour, it really is just a show-and-tell kind of thing to compare notes on trends and stuff. These are all guys we’ve been friendly with in the past but we’re trying to strengthen relationships, y’know? And like, I’m really not trying to pressure you here, if you don’t wanna do it I’m sure that uh, Mr. Jones can suck it up but he really really doesn’t want to.”

Lovino raised an eyebrow.

“Why not?”

This seemed to stop him short.

“Personal reasons?” he tried, weakly.

Lovino bristled. “‘Personal reasons’ better not mean ‘I think I can foist all my work off on my poor underpaid and overworked minions because I wanna vacation in the Florida keys —”

“No!” Alfred interjected. “Really, it’s not that. Um. Anxiety kinda runs in the family? And I, uh, well I heard his brother has it even worse even though it would be super convenient if he could do it because they’re twins, actually, and it’s dumb because Jones is a cheerful enough dude, I feel like he does well enough interacting with people but for some reason it’s just the idea of going to this meeting —”

This time Lovino was the one who interrupted. “Well, anxiety doesn’t always work out in a way that’s convenient! You should know better, honestly, who talks about their boss like that?” This was conveniently ignoring the shit he’d said about his boss, but Utley didn’t have anxiety, he was just an asshole.

Alfred blinked. “Right. Sorry.” He seemed genuinely sheepish, so Lovino let it go. For now.

“How extensive do you think the Q&A session would be?” he asked.

“With seven people there all trying to talk about their own accomplishments, shouldn’t be too long.”

“Yeah, except we want to impress everyone not just sit there in silence.”

“Haha, yeah, ideally. But we could have a plan to like, extract you if you needed an out.” He perked up. “Oh man, ‘extraction,’ makes it sound like a secret mission, right?”

Lovino rolled his eyes and picked up his coffee, taking a sip.

Fuck it was good.

“Okay, I made up my mind. I’ll do it if you put one of these coffeemakers in the lounge on my floor. Lord knows we need one down there”

“Done!” Alfred said immediately, like he was afraid Lovino would take it back.

“Done,” he repeated. And stared at Alfred for a second. “So, do you have the information for me to look over or…?”

“Oh, yeah, I pulled some stuff together for you to look at, you can tell me what else you think you’ll need.”

Well at least he wouldn’t have to do that himself. This was probably the weirdest thing he’d ever done, but already it beat the hell out of the work he usually did.

The next day, he was on a plane to Florida.

  Lovino ended up being chauffeured — chauffeured, damn he could get used to this — to a restaurant on Key West, where the meeting was being held in a private room above the bar. Alfred was texting him nonstop the entire ride, which usually would have been annoying but the man was so earnest and nice that Lovino couldn’t really bring himself to be annoyed. Even if the guy did use an unnatural amount of emojis.

He was the first one there, and the staff had already put a bunch of food on the side table, so he took some pictures of some truly beautiful sliders that he sent fo Alfred before he put his phone away, munching on a caprese skewer as he looked over some of his last minute notes.

He’d spent the entirety of yesterday with Alfred, going over graphs and charts and all kinds of information collected into easy-to-digest yet impressive tidbits for the other CEOs. Some of the information had been outdated, from what Lovino had seen on the floor, and he’d made Alfred update it accordingly. Also some of the graphs were just confusing, so he’d edited those, as well. But all in all, the info provided had been excellently organized; “of course,” Alfred had said, “I wasn’t going to ask you to do all that after asking a huge favor like two days beforehand!” Which was more consideration than he got from his own boss, so that was nice.

He was feeling pretty confident, until the door opened and his brother walked in.

“Porca vacca.”

“Lovi?!”

And then Beilschmidt walked in behind him, and everything got even worse.

“Feliciano, why is your brother here?”

Lovino groaned, pulled out his phone, and opened his conversation with Alfred.

Hey about that thing you said about underpaid and overworked minions, Alfred’s last text read. He ignored that in favor of sending, Well this is a fucking mess

He immediately got a reply: oh god do you need an extraction???

No, just going to have to talk to you afterwards

That sounds super ominous :((((

Feliciano had started making confused noises so he put his phone away without answering and started on damage control.

Because of course. He’d been so focused on the information he was presenting, he’d forgotten that his fucking twin was the assistant to one of the CEOs attending the goddamn meeting. God he was an idiot.

But he plastered on a fake smile — which was enough to make Feliciano recoil warily, but Beilschmidt didn’t know any better — and started bullshitting.

“I’m Mr. Jones’s assistant,” he told them. “He got food poisoning so I’m here in his place.”

“You’re going to be giving his presentation, then?” another voice came from the doorway. Kirkland, if Lovino remembered correctly from his prep. “Bit rude to send an assistant to a meeting like this.”

Lovino grit his teeth and kept smiling. “Beilschmidt brought his.” And he just happened to be his brother. Dammit.

“Yes, well, he’s not the one giving the presentation, ‘izzee?”

“Well, food poisoning, it can’t be helped, non?” Bonnefoy had arrived, and was examining the food suspiciously.

Kirkland opened his mouth, no doubt to complain some more, but Lovino beat him to it. “I assure you I’m well-prepared to present this information.”

There was some minor grumbling, but no one else objected. The last of the bigshots filed into the room. Braginsky actually started eating the food, despite Bonnefoy’s protests, while Wang and Honda looked on in what looked like either mild disgust or vague amazement.

His brother kept trying to get his attention, tugging on his sleeve and whispering, “When did you get promoted? Why didn’t you tell me, fratello?”

“Not now,” he hissed back. Then he addressed the room. “Let’s get started, shall we?”

  Afterwards, he met Alfred at Ernest Hemingway’s house. The man was crouched next to a bush in the backyard, petting a six-toed cat. His other hand was clenched on the bottom of his T-shirt, loosening and tightening reflexively.

“Hey, quit that,” Lovino told him as he approached. “You’ll wrinkle your..” he looked closer, “Star Trek shirt?”

It said, in large letters and no accompanying picture: BEAM ME SOMEWHERE MR. SCOTT. What a weirdo.

Alfred startled and made to get up, but Lovino beat him to the punch and sat down instead, reaching out to pet the cat, who seemed thrilled to have two people’s attention on her.

“How’d it go?” Alfred asked, seeming scared of the answer.

“Well. They didn’t think I was Jones, because it turns out that my brother was there as Beilschmidt’s assistant. And we’re twins, so that one wasn’t getting explained away. So I told them he was sick and gave his presentation anyway.”

Alfred sighed. “I guess it’s for the best? I was thinking about it and I’d have to send you in his place every time we met with these guys in order to keep up the lie. Not really my best plan.”

Lovino nodded. “Shame, though,” he said with a barely contained smile. “Because I was really good.”

Alfred looked up at him and grinned. “Yeah?”

And he sounded genuinely excited about it, which made Lovino’s grin come out full-force. “Yeah, I fucking aced it.”

“Nice!” Alfred exclaimed, and offered his palm for a high five. Lovino indulged him.

They smiled at each other for a few moments, but were interrupted by the last voice Lovino wanted to hear right now.

“Why the hell are you down here?” Utley demanded, strolling up with a posse of his insufferable friends (who were also higher management demons). “I know you weren’t invited to the conference, I would have seen you at the orientation this morning. And you definitely don’t have the vacation time to have taken a trip just to follow your betters here.”

“Who,” Alfred cut in, “are you?”

“Who are you? With Vargas, are you?”

“Alfred,” he introduced himself mildly. “I’m with the Jones company.”

“Mike Utley, junior second-level assistant manager.” He paused to preen. “I haven’t seen you around before, but if you’re associating with Vargas you must be another one of the peons. Honestly, the shitty quality of the people we hire never ceases to amaze.”

“All the work I’ve seen so far from Lovino has been excellent,” Alfred said, and although he was still speaking calmly and politely, Lovino got the strong sense the guy was pissed. Actually it was kind of hot.

Utley sniffed dismissively. “I’m sure you think so, but as his supervisor I can tell you his work really is abysmal. I’d find a better role model if I were you.” He turned and walked off without another word.

Alfred stared after him. “What an asshole!” he exclaimed after a minute of silence.

“You’re telling me.”

“That guy is your boss?” he asked incredulously.

“Yeah. He’s pretty typical for that management level, unfortunately.”

Alfred huffed and resumed petting the cat, who had been plaintively nudging at his stationary hand.

“We’ll see about that,” he muttered. “Hey, how would you feel about a promotion?”

Lovino laughed, not sure if he was being serious. “Gonna put in a good word for me with Jones?”

Alfred looked at him blankly, so Lovino prompted, “Your boss? The CEO?”

“Oh, right. Seriously, though, would you want to be in a higher position? Like, managerial?”

Jesus, he wasn’t joking. “You’re not joking, are you?”

“Nah, I figure that meeting counts as a trial-by-fire interview, right? You’ve definitely proved you’re more than competent. And you’ve basically dressed for an interview, too, right?”

“I’ve what now?”

He had dressed nicely, like how he thought a CEO would.

“I just, I mean, you look real good?” Alfred offered, crooking a half-grin at him.

And, oh. That was an awfully sweet smile.

“This coming from a guy who seems to always wear shitty T-shirts,” he grumbled.

But he smiled back.

The next week, he was back on his own floor. He and his coworkers were all at their desks, sharing looks and grimaces as Utley’s voice drifted through the door to his office, complaining as usual.

The elevator opened, and Alfred stepped out. His T-shirt read, HAS ANYONE SEEN MY SALT SHAKER? Lovino had just enough time to roll his eyes before Alfred hopped up on a desk and cleared his throat.

“I have an announcement!” he announced, very loudly. He waited a few seconds for Utley to emerge, giving him a pointed look but continuing before the man could launch into a tirade.

“My name,” he said, “is Alfred F. Jones. You all work for me, and can I just say, I really appreciate it, because everything I’ve seen coming out of this department has been excellent.”

Lovino’s jaw actually dropped, because wait, what?

And more importantly— he stole a glance at Utley, who’d gone ashen. Oh my god.

“And while you’ve all been doing awesome, it’s come to my attention that there have been some managerial issues, so I just wanted to let you guys know that I’m going to be doing a review of some of the positions on this floor and the others.” The beautiful bastard actually turned and smiled at Utley while he said it. Lovino’s coworkers started whispering frantically amongst themselves, but he was too caught up in watching Alfred’s performance to join them.

“Helping me do that,” the CEO continued, “will be my new COO, and my brother, that’s President Williams if you don’t know, tells me that stands for chief operating officer, which is very exciting, I’ve never had one before.” He beamed down at the crowd, who were all staring at him in disbelief.

“Oh yeah, and the COO is gonna be Lovino Vargas.”

Everyone went nuts.

Alfred jumped off the desk and made his way to Lovino, who was standing stock-still in shock. He gently guided him towards the elevator with a warm hand on his shoulder — past Utley, who had sat down with his head in his hands, and past all of his coworkers, who congratulated him and cheered as they went by.

Once they were safe in the elevator, Alfred gave him a shy smile. “Was that too dramatic? Mattie said I should just ask you normally but I thought it would super cool that way.”

“When you asked if I wanted a promotion I figured you meant something like an assistant, not…” He trailed off but collected himself. “Mattie is your brother? You mentioned a twin?”

“Yep, that’s him! And, uh, I’m sorry about the whole thing where I didn’t tell you who I was, I just, I got nervous, and uh.” He stopped and shrugged. “It was nice just being Alfred for a while.”

“What does the F stand for?” Lovino asked suddenly.

“Hm? Oh, uh, nothing, actually. My middle name actually starts with a D, but I wanted to put Jones AF on my business cards, so…”

Lovino laughed, which made Alfred visibly relax.

“I think we’ll make great partners,” Lovino told him.

And standing there with Alfred smiling at him, hopeful about his future for the first time in a long while, he thought he might mean that in more ways than one.

[imagine--drv3]

NSFW Warning!

What would Ouma, Kiibo and Amami do if they were asked to try some dirty talk?

Sure thing, coming right up! This should be a fun one, actually. NSFW below the cut!

Kokichi Ouma

He’s super ready when you ask.

He doesn’t do it right away though. He starts with some pretty impressive foreplay, running his fingertips across you, heightening your senses, preparing you.

He looks you right in the eyes, smirking seductively and leaning into your ear, letting out a small chuckle.

It sends tingles up your spine.

He parts his lips and whispers.

“You wanna hear something really bad?”

You nod, practically trembling in anticipation.

He whispers softly, his voice gravelly-

“According to all known laws of aviation,   there is no way a bee should be able to fly.   Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.   The bee, of course, flies anyway   because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.   Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.   Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.   Barry! Breakfast is ready!   Ooming!   Hang on a second.   Hello?   - Barry? - Adam?   - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can't. I'll pick you up.   Looking sharp.   Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.   Sorry. I'm excited.   Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son.   A perfect report card, all B's.   Very proud.   Ma! I got a thing going here.   - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That's me!   - Wave to us! We'll be in row 118,000. - Bye!   Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!   - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry.   - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation.   Never thought I'd make it.   Three days grade school, three days high school.   Those were awkward.   Three days college. I'm glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive.   You did come back different.   - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good.   - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah.   - You going to the funeral? - No, I'm not going.   Everybody knows, sting someone, you die.   Don't waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead.   I guess he could have just gotten out of the way.   I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day.   That's why we don't need vacations.   Boy, quite a bit of pomp... under the circumstances.   - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are!   - Bee-men. - Amen!   Hallelujah!   Students, faculty, distinguished bees,   please welcome Dean Buzzwell.   Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of...   ...9:15.   That concludes our ceremonies.   And begins your career at Honex Industries!   Will we pick ourjob today?   I heard it's just orientation.   Heads up! Here we go.   Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times.   - Wonder what it'll be like? - A little scary.   Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco   and a part of the Hexagon Group.   This is it!   Wow.   Wow.   We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life   to get to the point where you can work for your whole life.   Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive.   Our top-secret formula   is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured   into this soothing sweet syrup   with its distinctive golden glow you know as...   Honey!   - That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!   - She is? - Yes, we're all cousins.   - Right. You're right. - At Honex, we constantly strive   to improve every aspect of bee existence.   These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology.   - What do you think he makes? - Not enough.   Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman.   - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey   that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions.   Oan anyone work on the Krelman?   Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know   that every small job, if it's done well, means a lot.   But choose carefully   because you'll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life.   The same job the rest of your life? I didn't know that.   What's the difference?   You'll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven't had one day off   in 27 million years.   So you'll just work us to death?   We'll sure try.   Wow! That blew my mind!   "What's the difference?" How can you say that?   One job forever? That's an insane choice to have to make.   I'm relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life.   But, Adam, how could they never have told us that?   Why would you question anything? We're bees.   We're the most perfectly functioning society on Earth.   You ever think maybe things work a little too well here?   Like what? Give me one example.   I don't know. But you know what I'm talking about.   Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach.   Wait a second. Oheck it out.   - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow.   I've never seen them this close.   They know what it's like outside the hive.   Yeah, but some don't come back.   - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks!   You guys did great!   You're monsters! You're sky freaks! I love it! I love it!   - I wonder where they were. - I don't know.   Their day's not planned.   Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what.   You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that.   Right.   Look. That's more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime.   It's just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it.   Perhaps. Unless you're wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it.   Those ladies? Aren't they our cousins too?   Distant. Distant.   Look at these two.   - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let's have fun with them.   It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock.   Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom!   He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me!   - Oh, my! - I never thought I'd knock him out.   What were you doing during this?   Trying to alert the authorities.   I can autograph that.   A little gusty out there today, wasn't it, comrades?   Yeah. Gusty.   We're hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow.   - Six miles, huh? - Barry!   A puddle jump for us, but maybe you're not up for it.   - Maybe I am. - You are not!   We're going 0900 at J-Gate.   What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough?   I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means.   Hey, Honex!   Dad, you surprised me.   You decide what you're interested in?   - Well, there's a lot of choices. - But you only get one.   Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day?   Son, let me tell you about stirring.   You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around.   You get yourself into a rhythm. It's a beautiful thing.   You know, Dad, the more I think about it,   maybe the honey field just isn't right for me.   You were thinking of what, making balloon animals?   That's a bad job for a guy with a stinger.   Janet, your son's not sure he wants to go into honey!   - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I'm not trying to be funny.   You're not funny! You're going into honey. Our son, the stirrer!   - You're gonna be a stirrer? - No one's listening to me!   Wait till you see the sticks I have.   I could say anything right now. I'm gonna get an ant tattoo!   Let's open some honey and celebrate!   Maybe I'll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae.   Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody "dawg"!   I'm so proud.   - We're starting work today! - Today's the day.   Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone.   Yeah, right.   Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal...   - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left!   One of them's yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side.   - What'd you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar!   Wow!   Oouple of newbies?   Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready!   Make your choice.   - You want to go first? - No, you go.   Oh, my. What's available?   Restroom attendant's open, not for the reason you think.   - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you're on.   I'm sorry, the Krelman just closed out.   Wax monkey's always open.   The Krelman opened up again.   What happened?   A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He's dead. Another dead one.   Deady. Deadified. Two more dead.   Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That's life!   Oh, this is so hard!   Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer,   humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor,   mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should... Barry?   Barry!   All right, we've got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine...   What happened to you? Where are you?   - I'm going out. - Out? Out where?   - Out there. - Oh, no!   I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life.   You're gonna die! You're crazy! Hello?   Another call coming in.   If anyone's feeling brave, there's a Korean deli on 83rd   that gets their roses today.   Hey, guys.   - Look at that. - Isn't that the kid we saw yesterday?   Hold it, son, flight deck's restricted.   It's OK, Lou. We're gonna take him up.   Really? Feeling lucky, are you?   Sign here, here. Just initial that.   - Thank you. - OK.   You got a rain advisory today,   and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain.   So be careful. As always, watch your brooms,   hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats.   Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us.”

You leave before he can go any further.

How the fuck did he have it memorized.

Rantarou Amami

He’s actually quite talented.

He’s also very willing to do whatever you’d like to try in bed, but he likes to have some notice beforehand.

And you do give him some, so he practices some dirty talk, and he’s a natural!

When he actually gets in bed with you, you’re amazed.

Everything he says has you on the edge, and his words mixed with his teasing touch are euphoric.

He keeps it up for as long as he can, and the way his voice gets huskier and more breathy as he gets more aroused just makes it that much more incredible.

You can’t keep your hands and mouth off him, which he loves.

He just keeps fueling the fire, right up until you both climax.

You’re definitely making him do this again.

Kiibo

You...want him to say something dirty?

...

“compost”