#Garlic Masher

[brainintel]

https://share.temu.com/OgFLEDUub2A

[fuckingrecipes]

How do I make mindblowing spaghetti sauce? I have been gifted a fuckton of homemade canned tomatoes and nothing but time this weekend.

Do the tomatoes have skin? If so, you'll need to dump them into a bowl and remove the skin by hand. Tomato skin in sauce is no bueno.

Are your tomatoes whole? If so, you'll need to quarter them & remove the seeds & goo in the middle.

Is there lots of excess water around your tomatoes? Drain that out.

If your tomatoes have already been deskinned, seeds removed, drained and quartered; proceed to next steps.

If you want a finer sauce (less chunks), crush or dice the tomatoes now.

--

Make sure your pot is big enough to handle ALL the cans of tomatoes you'll be using at this time. For the sake of being easier to handle, I recommend no more than 3-4 cans/mason jars at a time in the pot.

For each can of tomatoes, get yourself 1 small-to-medium onion, and a couple cloves of garlic.

Chop all the onions. Crush & chop OR mince all the garlic.

In a saucepan, burner set to 'high', add enough butter that you can lean the pot around and coat the bottom. Let it melt completely.

Dump in all your onion.

Stir the onions around constantly, mixing and flipping them over until all the onions are starting to turn just thoroughly translucent, but not quite turning brown yet. (If they start to turn brown, turn the heat down a little)

Once they're translucent, push the onions to the side so you have some of your pan-bottom showing and dump your garlic in. Smush it flat-ish so most of the garlic is touching the pan. Leave it there until the bottom of the garlic is turning brown, then mix it all into the onions.

Immediately dump in all the tomatoes you used to make those onion calculations earlier. Toss in some red pepper flakes (use your own judgement here.)

For each can of tomatoes, add about 1-2 ounces of vodka or rum. (there are a lot of amazing, rich tomato flavors which can only be revealed using alcohol, and not oil or water)

For each can of tomatoes, add roughly 1 tsp of salt, if they weren't canned using salt.

Turn the heat down to 'low' and let it simmer (stay on the heat, producing lots of steam but few, if any, bubbles) for about 5 minutes.

At this point, you can add your herbs.

You want: Basil, Oregano, Thyme, Savory, Majoram, and Sage. Many Italian Seasoning or Mediteranean Seasoning blends will have them.

You can choose to use all of them, or only what you can find. For a cheap and tasty blend, Badia Italian Seasoning Blend is easy and works well.

Personally, I think a little bit of nutmeg, sumac, and sesame seeds is also lovely but it's not "traditional" Italian. A "Za'atar" spice blend should have the sumac with oregano and thyme if you can't find it as a standalone spice.

You can also track down fresh herbs, make a big herb bundle tied with string and dump it in your sauce to simmer, instead of using the dried flake stuff. Or do some fresh, some dried.

Your sauce will be looking 'wet' or 'liquidy' at this point, and will likely have tomato chunks still. You can use a potato masher to crush the tomato chunks if you want, but it's not required.

Let it keep simmering on 'low' in 5-minute increments to evaporate water off. Remember to stir every time you check the pot. It may take 30 minutes to reduce down to a thick 'sauce' texture, if there was lots of water in your tomatoes.

When the sauce consistency starts to look 'saucy' and thicker, check and stir more frequently. Babysit the pot.

Taste the sauce! Add salt to taste. (About 1-2 tsp at a time, mix thoroughly, re-taste, & repeat until it tastes great.)

TIPS:

Keep an eye and nose on your sauce at all times, especially if it's in its thicker stages. If it seems to be burning AT ANY TIME, immediately take it entirely off the heat and stir rapidly to cool it! The smell should always be 'stewing tomatoes and herbs' not 'burning or roasting'

--

If you want your sauce to have a 'brighter/fresher' tomato flavor, make sure to strain as much liquid out as you can before starting, so you don't have to cook the tomatoes as long.

If you like the savory 'cooked/stewed' tomato more than you like the fresher 'uncooked' tomato flavor, then leaving more water in the beginning will make a longer cook time, and more thoroughly stewed tomato.

If you don't have hand-canned tomatoes, you can also use canned tomatoes from the store.

[rrat-king]

because the lovely @actual-sleeping-beauty and @whatisamildopinion asked for it, here is my full proof potato soup recipe:

ingredients

bag of potatoes

2 quarts of chicken broth

1 pint heavy cream

salt

garlic

green onion

cheese (cheddar, gruyere, swiss, etc)

bacon

instructions

peel and cut your potatoes into 4ths

boil or pressure cook the potatoes in the broth with garlic and green onion till soft (i use an instapot on pressure cook for 12 minutes but boiling works just as well, just takes more time)

after potatoes are soft, blend with broth until smooth (i use an immersion blender but i have also done it by hand with a potato masher which still worked great just a little harder)

stir in heavy cream till incorporated and grate in any cheeses while it’s still hot. add bacon if preferred (if your cooking the bacon alongside the soup, i love to put the bacon fat in the soup itself. makes it richer)

enjoy!

this is kinda a ‘measure with your heart recipe so encourage you to get weird with it, mess with the ratio to make it as thick or smooth as you want.

[f4y3w00d5]

My Familys Mashed Potatoes

soooo for whatever reason we dont just. mash potatoes? lmao Ours comes out slightly orange with a slightly different texture and like fuuuck is it good only one ill eat- (also i think its a bit healthier?)

aaaaanyways

for 1-2 servings

Ingredients 1 Sweet Potato 1 Cup Of Butternut Pumpkin 1 Potato (like, the normal ones, white i think? cleaned too) 1 garlic clove Butter (like the kind you butter your bread with works, like, half a tablespoon, ish?) Milk (just like a lil splash, not a lot)

Equipment I think its called a steamer basket? the thing with holes you put on top of a pot filled with boiling water pot knife cutting board Large bowl Masher thing

Steps

Slice the potatoes (sweet and normal), and the pumpkin into relatively small cubes (no smaller than maybe 2cm)

peel and chop the garlic thinly

fill the pot up with water, turn the stove on, put the steamer thing on top (after filling with the potatoes etc), also put a lid on that

fuck around until its relatively soft (like, soft enough to mash with a fork idk)

get a better bowl (like just get a bowl large enough to fit the stuff) and put the steamed stuff in there

throw in a splash of milk n a bit of butter

mash it until its. well, mash.

idk do what ya want with it, eat it, suffocate someone in it....

[sexhaver]

writing to encourage you to post a recipe of your successful smashed potatoes!🙌 that shit looked nutritionally dense and I love more food per food when possible especially if tasty

ingredience:

3lbs fingerling potatoes (i used a 50/50 mix of yellow and red but whatever works)

6ish cups broth (if you use veggie broth this is vegetarian)

1 pint heavy cream

3-4tbsp butter

6ish cloves garlic (literally impossible to overdo the garlic here, go with your heart)

salt, pepper, thyme, and parsley

flour

BONUS: cayenne pepper and mustard powder

steps:

wash the dirt off your potatoes and dump them in a big pot (ideally one with close to 90 degree angles on the bottom instead of a curve). pour in all the broth. if the potatoes aren't entirely submerged, add water until they are (but just barely), then turn the heat on high and put a lid on it

while the potatoes start boiling, crush and peel your garlic WITHOUT CHOPPING IT

add 2 tbsp of butter to a sauce pot and heat on medium high until melted and sizzling

add the garlic cloves and swirl/baste them in the butter for a few minutes until they and the butter both start to turn brown

dump in all of the heavy cream, then add salt, pepper, parsley, thyme, cayenne pepper, and powdered mustard to taste. unfortunately i do not have measurements for any of the spices because i cooked this while drunk. follow your heart here

reduce the heat on the heavy cream mixture until it's simmering (not all the way down to low, you still want some bubbles). by this point the potatoes should be boiling (leave the lid on). set a timer for somewhere around 23-25 minutes

come back and stir the heavy cream mixture every few minutes, and stir the potatoes once or twice throughout their cooking process

when the timer goes off, strain the potatoes out from the broth, BUT make sure to save at least two cups of the broth before pouring the rest down the drain

use a potato masher to mash the potatoes, skin and all (none of this fucking around with the back of a spoon). ideally you should probably do this in a separate bowl to avoid microplastics in your food, but im not a cop (this is why we picked a pot with 90 degree angles in step 1)

once the potatoes are properly mashed, dump most (but not all!) of the reduced heavy cream mixture in with them and continue mashing to spread it out evenly (this will also mash in the garlic cloves, which is why we didn't need to slice/dice them earlier). you should leave behind enough heavy cream to coat the bottom of the pot and then some

let the potatoes rest for a second and put the heavy cream back on medium-high heat. add 2 tbsp of butter and wait until it melts, using the whisk to mix it in with the remaining heavy cream

once the butter is melted, sprinkle in some flour, using the whisk to integrate it with the butter + cream mixture. again, i don't have exact measurements for this because i was drunk, but you want to keep adding flour and whisking until you're left with some pretty thick clumps of what looks like brown dough

crank the heat just a little higher while whisking the dough around to get it nice and burnt all over. once you're satisfied with your work and/or you start smelling burning, dump in some of the saved broth to deglaze the stuff burnt to the bottom of the pan (it should sizzle at first, that's good + normal). keep up the whisking motion so the added liquid is integrated with the dough, then add more liquid and repeat over time. eventually you should end up with something recognizable as gravy. congrats, you just made gravy from roux!

use the rest of the broth to thin out the mashed potatoes if necessary, mashing it in just like the heavy cream mixture

????

profit!

[geddyqueer]

made a good soup tonight. here's how i did it:

i roasted a butternut squash. i did this by cutting the ends off, slicing it down the middle, and putting it in an oiled 9x9 pan (just barely fit) in the oven at 400 for half an hour ish.

diced an onion, minced some garlic, peeled and diced an apple (plus another half an apple, the other half had a big dent in it). i put some chipotle and dried chimayo peppers in my mortar and pestled them to smithereens. how much? enough! cumin would probably be good here but i forgot to grab it from the spice rack when i moved to the secondary location of my mortar & pestle. i waited until the squash was done in the oven to turn my burner on.

in my big pot i sauteed the onion and garlic over medium in a fair bit of olive oil. salted and peppered. when they were translucent and fragrant i tossed the apple in. meanwhile i pulled the squash out, let it cool a bit, then dug the squash off of the peel with a spoon. when i had my squash removed, i added it to the pot, along with 4 cups of stock.

i let it simmer for a little bit, then i used a potato masher and squashed the squash until it was less chunky. if you felt like it you could probably use an immersion blender for smoother results. i like a soup with a chew to it. then i added a can of chickpeas and a few handfuls of spinach. cooked until i deemed it complete.

i ate it with crumbled queso fresco. some cilantro on top would probably be dope.

[apolloendymion]

ok! i think tumblr ate my fucking apple cider recipe post. still, my autumn equinox tradition must carry on!

Apollo's Foolproof From-Scratch Apple Cider That Was So Good It Allegedly Landed Me A Boyfriend

you will need:

12 apples (the variety is up to you, i usually do half granny smith and half whatever's on sale plus a red delicious for garnishing)

10oz raisins

cinnamon sticks, whole cloves, star anise, nutmeg, allspice, cardamom pods, any other warming spices u like (whole > ground) (follow ur heart on the amounts, it's like garlic just throw so much in there. just go wild)

1 orange

brown sugar (i don't have measurements but be prepared to use a LOT lmao, i always buy at least one 32oz bag. you'll be sweetening to taste.)

large pot with lid

potato masher (optional)

two large bowls/pots/receptacles to strain the cider into

fine mesh strainer

cheesecloth or coffee filters (optional)

apple corer or knife

citrus zester

slotted spoon or ladle

the steps:

1. scrub apples gently under hot water to remove grocery store wax coating. core apples making sure all seeds & stems are removed. add apples, raisins, and mulling spices to pot with enough water to fully cover ingredients, and bring to boil. reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 1 hour.

2. scrub orange to remove wax. zest and juice, avoiding the pith & seeds. use a potato masher or other utensil to lightly mash boiled apple mixture so every apple slice is at least partially broken up, then add the zest & juice to the pot. bring back to boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer for another hour. then turn off the heat and allow mixture to cool.

3. place two mesh strainers over two bowls or pots (and cover each with a cheesecloth or coffee filters, if you have them). with a slotted spoon or ladle, remove as much of the solids from the pot as you can and place them in one strainer (the larger one, if they are different sizes) to drain, then press out as much liquid into the cheesecloth as possible.

4. pour the cider from the simmer pot into the second cheesecloth and press. combine the liquid from both bowls.

5. add brown sugar to taste

cooking tips:

the times listed above are bare minimums. once all the ingredients are in the pot (minus sugar!) you can simmer as long as you want, so long as someone's nearby to supervise.

always add any sweeteners after the cooking process. otherwise, they'll burn and make the whole thing bitter.

if it's too acidic, add baking soda or more spices. if it's not acidic enough, add lemon juice, additional orange juice, or apple cider vinegar.

variations:

add 12oz fresh cranberries to the first step

sub oranges for lemons or apple cider vinegar

sub brown sugar for straight molasses, maple syrup, or alternative sweetener of your choice (I'd imagine fig or other fruit-based sweeteners would work best)

report back to me if you try something new!! i want to hear how it turned out!

serving suggestions:

add three or four cinnamon imperials (red hots) to your mug, along with a dash of fireball whiskey if you're so inclined. i cannot stress enough how fucking amazing this tastes.

garnish with apple slices, orange slices, cinnamon sticks, and/or star anise

if you have dairy-free ice cream on hand, pour some cider over a scoop. you can use dairy ice cream, but it's more likely to curdle.

freeze some in an ice cube tray, then blend with some non-frozen cider for a slushie

ok I've never tried this, but i bet blending with pumpkin puree would slap. PLEASE tell me if you try it

this makes a metric fuckload of cider, which is very rich and can be watered down considerably (seriously). share with your friends and/or freeze some to last the season (or halve it, i guess, but that's no fun :P)

[kitchenla]

Chicken Cacciatora & Butter Bean Mash and Button Champignons

Ingredients:

For Chicken Cacciatora:

4 chicken breasts or thighs

2 tbsp olive oil

1 onion, chopped

2 cloves garlic, minced

1 can (400g) diced tomatoes

1/2 cup chicken broth

1 tsp dried oregano

1 tsp dried basil

Salt and pepper to taste

Chopped fresh parsley for garnish

For Butter Bean Mash:

2 cans (400g each) butter beans, drained and rinsed

2 tbsp butter

2 cloves garlic, minced

Salt and pepper to taste

For Button Champignons:

250g button mushrooms, cleaned and sliced

2 tbsp butter

2 cloves garlic, minced

Salt and pepper to taste

Instructions:

Prepare the Chicken Cacciatora:

Season chicken breasts or thighs with salt and pepper.

Heat olive oil in a large pot over medium heat. Add chicken and cook until browned on both sides. Remove from pot and set aside.

In the same pot add onion and garlic. Cook until softened.

Add diced tomatoes, chicken broth, oregano, and basil. Stir to combine.

Return chicken to the pot . Cover and simmer for about 20-25 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through and tender.

Garnish with chopped parsley before serving.

Make the Butter Bean Mash:

In a saucepan, melt butter over medium heat. Add minced garlic and cook until fragrant.

Add butter beans and mash with a potato masher until desired consistency is reached.

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Prepare the Button Champignons:

In a separate pan, melt butter over medium heat. Add minced garlic and cook until fragrant.

Add mushrooms and sauté until golden brown and tender adding a bit of paprika .

Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Serve:

Serve the Chicken Cacciatora alongside the Butter Bean Mash and Button Champignons.

Enjoy your meal!

Find out more recipes at: www.kitchenla.online

See my Shop at: https://payhip.com/Kitchenla

[laundryandtaxes]

@fetusdeletustotalus I actually happened to take pictures the most recent time I made beef burgundy, which is very handy here. What I usually make is basically an extremely simplified, totally stove-top version of the dish. I don't necessarily reference a specific recipe, but ATK has a version called Modern Beef Burgundy that's similar, though theirs is much more complex and probably, resultingly, better. I find that using fairly few ingredients works perfectly well for me, and allows me to cook this routinely without any fuss and without needing a special trip to the grocery store for anything other than a shallot if I'm out or some fresh thyme. I rely on method to build flavor, and it works for me.

Basically, for one pot:

1 lb or more of chunks of high connective tissue beef- I usually just buy what is labelled "stew beef" by the grocery store

As many carrots as I want (about twice the amount pictured), half cut into circles and half cut into quartered chunks

One onion, half cut into big chunks and half diced

A tablespoonish of butter

1 shallot, half quartered and half sliced

As much garlic as I'd like

As many potatoes as I'd like, cut to roughly similar sizes and then submerged in cold water to keep them fresh in the fridhe while everything else works. This recent batch featured maybe too many potatoes even for me, an extreme lover of potatoes

1 bay leaf

A few sprigs of thyme

3ish cups of chicken broth (not beef broth, because the storebought stuff just isn't good ime, though I've been meaning to experiment with better than bouillon beef since the chicken is so good)

3ish cups of red wine, ideally something drinkable and robust

Corn starch dissolved into a little bit of cold water- more than I, at least, initially guessed I would need

S&P

Prep all your items, and you can spend almost no time touching anything after the first few minutes.

Steps post prep:

Sear beef over medium high heat in a generousish amount of oil, just enough to get sufficient color on all chunks. I salt in the pan, and cook in batches. The reason I do this is to prevent crowding the dutch oven/steaming the meat rather than frying it. Once a chunk is ready, set it aside on a plate, etc, working in batches. You will need to monitor heat, and likely lower it at some point in this process to prevent oil smoking or anything burning. This is the only step that's trickyish.

Lower heat to medium low. Add a tablespoonish of butter. I do this for yumminess reasons and because it helps to prevent the oil/beef fat in the pan from burning. Add in the roughly chopped half of the carrots and alliums. S&P in pan. Cook until everything has some light charring. Then, add in chicken stock, wine, the bay leaf, and maybe 2 sprigs of fresh thyme. Salt again. The reason that I do this is basically to make a richer beef stock- the flavor from these carrots and onions is part of the stock, and these will eventually become mush. These are not to be eaten as pieces.

Bring to a low/moderate boil and let it reduce a little. I let it reduce until I no longer really strongly smell wine. At that point, add in beef chunks, submerging them as much as possible in liquid. Reduce to a simmer. Walk away and forget the stew for a minimum of 2 hours.

Pull beef chunks, set aside. Pour the stew liquid into a bowl through a strainer. You will be left with very mushy vegetables and your herbs in the strainer, and basically finished stew stock in the bowl. Toss the bay leaf and thyme. I personally mash the vegetables up as much as possible, then add them to the stew and stir as much as possible. If I were being sophisticated, I might immersion blend the veggies in for texture uniformity. But it's stew, and I don't have an immersion blender and this sure isn't worth using a standard blender for me. The only reason I don't just mash the vegetables in the dutch oven is that I use a potato masher and don't like using metal in my dutch oven. Otherwise, I'd just mash it in the pan directly after removing the beef.

Put everything back into the pot, and add your more nicely cut carrots, onions, and potatoes. Simmer for another 30 minutes minimum.

Prep corn starch. Once added to the stew, bring it to a boil for a minute minimum to allow the corn starch to set up.

Profit

Basically, once the veg is cut and the meat is seared, you're doing very little. This is definitely not the most classic or involved beef burgundy, it's just how I personally choose to make beef stew when I make it. Some people like to remove the fat from the broth, and there is a special measuring cup sort of device you can purchase cheaply for that purpose, or you can use an ice and ladle trick that I've heard works well. Or you can do what I do and just leave it.

[pagan-stitches]

Frankfurtská polévka — Frankfurter soup

Ingredients:

2 Tb lard, butter, or oil

1/4 cup flour

1 medium size onion

1 1/2 tsp sweet paprika

1 1/2 tso smoked paprika

1 1/2 tsp marjoram

6 cups chicken broth

2 cloves garlic, minced

2 medium size russet potatoes, cubed

1/2 lb good quality frankfurters

1/4 cup heavy cream

Salt and pepper to taste

Directions:

Heat the oil and fry the minced onions over medium high heat my until soft.

Stir in the flour for a few minutes.

Add paprika and marjoram and stir for 30 seconds.

Slowly add broth, whisking all the while.

Bring to a boil and add garlic and potatoes.

Cook 20 minutes over medium low heat or until potatoes are soft.

Meanwhile heat more lard, butter, or oil and fry the sliced frankfurters.

Use a potato masher and mash up the potatoes slightly to thicken the broth more.

Add the frankfurters.

Turn the heat off and stir in the cream.

Serve with bread.

[shrikeseams]

idk black bean soup, for pressure or slow cooker

A few tablespoons of oil or butter, whatever you have or like

Diced trinity (onion, celery, bell pepper. I used pre-cut stuff from the grocery store because Milton wiped out my freezer contents. Honestly whatever aromatics you have on hand will serve.)

Minced garlic, like a spoonful-ish

Minced chipotle peppers in adobo, a spoonful or two (i like the jars, but sometimes can only get cans)

Stock or bullion however you like, or whatever you have. I used better than bullion mushroom because i had a jar in my pantry. If you have an open bottle of sub-par wine, a cup or so of that might be nice. Around 4 cups total, assuming you're making a half pound of beans.

A half pound of black beans, rinsed and checked for rocks. If you're doing this in a slow cooker, pre-soak them in cold water overnight first. Scale up if you like, I just cook for one.

Cumin, to taste

Garlic salt, to taste

Sour cream, if you like that kinda thing. Straight cream would be good too. Coconut milk might work if you don't do dairy fat.

Corn muffins or cornbread to serve with

For the pressure cooker:

Put it on saute mode. Add the fat and the veggies, and let cook until soft and aromatic, and they start to stick to the bottom a little

Mix in the chipotle and, if using, bullion concentrate, then add the beans and stock/water/whatever liquid you're using.

let cook on high pressure for 45 minutes. I let it depressurise naturally, but I don't think using quick release would hurt.

Mash up ay least some of the beans. An immersion blender is nice here, but a potato masher or a large spoon does fine.

Add cumin and garlic salt to taste. For me that's at least a tablespoon of cumin and a light shake or garlic salt, but it depends on what you like and how salty your liquid was.

Serve with a plop of sour cream and a hot corn muffin.

for the slow cooker:

If you're fancy, saute your veggies in the oil on the stovetop, then add to the slow cooker. If you're not fancy, just dump 'em in there as-is.

Mix in the chipotle and, if using, bullion concentrate, then add the beans and stock/water/whatever liquid you're using.

let cook on high for... probably ly at least four hours. Let's say most of the day to be sure? Idk, I always wind up letting g my slow cooker beans go for at least 8 hours. If you want them quicker, just make sure the beans are all cooked until fully soft. Nobody really likes crunchy black beans.

Mash up ay least some of the beans. An immersion blender is nice here, but a potato masher or a large spoon does fine.

Add cumin and garlic salt to taste. For me that's at least a tablespoon of cumin and a light shake or garlic salt, but it depends on what you like and how salty your liquid was.

Serve with a plop of sour cream and a hot corn muffin.

[mar-see-ah]

Not pictured: cranberry sauce, which I baked earlier to free up oven space for later. Green beans and stuffing are prepped for the oven. Pecan pie truffles are a REVELATION. Mashers need to be made (but onions have been caramelized and garlic roasted). Gravy made with turkey stock, onions, red wine, sage, and bay is simmering, waiting for drippings from the smoker.

[ronniefein]

Some people say that on Thanksgiving, the mashed potatoes are more important than the turkey. Well, I don’t know about that but if mashed potatoes are a thing at your feast, check out this dairy-free version.

Follow me on Instagram @ronnievfein

DAIRY FREE MASHED POTATOES

5 medium all-purpose potatoes such as Yukon Gold

1/4 cup olive oil

1 medium onion, finely chopped

1 large clove garlic, chopped

3 tablespoons lemon juice

3 tablespoons chicken or vegetable stock

salt to taste

pinch or two of cayenne pepper, optional

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Peel the potatoes, cut them into chunks and cook them in lightly salted water for about 15 minutes, or until they are fork tender. While the potatoes are cooking, heat the olive oil in a sauté pan and add the onion. Cook, stirring occasionally, for about 3 minutes, then add the garlic. Cook for another 1-2 minutes, or until the vegetables have softened. Set aside. Drain the potatoes and mash them with a ricer or potato masher until the lumps have disappeared. Add the vegetables and olive oil and continue mashing u til the mixture is fairly smooth. Stir in the lemon juice, stock, salt and the cayenne pepper. Place the mixture in a baking dish. Bake for about 10 minutes or until heated through.

Makes 6 servings

[bigshort2015]

today i was such a good boy.

i...

neatened up my room (which involved cleaning up/organizing my desk, unpacking my overnight bag, and putting away my CVS purchases that were in my tote bag)

cleaned out expired stuff from the fridge and finally threw out some leftovers that were wayyy too old and washed the tupperware they were in

did TWO loads of laundry and TWO loads of ironing!!!

dusted and wiped down surfaces in the apartment

vacuumed and swiffered the entire apartment including moving heavy furniture to vacuum and swiffer behind/under those as well

vacuumed the couch and cleaned the fabric

ran errands and got some random kitchen gadgets ive been meaning to buy since moving in (garlic press & potato masher, mainly)

and now i am all done and its only like 4:30pm 😊 and later im going to get very spicy soup from the place near our building and my roommate is going to show me more of scream queens. i still have a little bit of a cough but overall life is good!!

[ask-the-usa-manor]

chicken parmesan recipe

(Your sarcastic ask isn't winning today. /lh) "Chicken parm—?" Vermont blinked, "Do we look like Google to y-"

"Set a wire rack inside a rimmed baking sheet!" New York started, shoving everything off the counter and slamming said materials down, "Line another rimmed baking sheet with foil! Cut two 12-inch sheets of plastic wrap!!!" Vermont stood, staring at New York blankly.

NY slowly turned back to him, "...Did you hear me?"

"Yes, but-"

Vermont was cut off by an apron smacking him in the face.

"Cut two chicken breasts in half lengthwise, making four roughly equal pieces," New Jersey continued, popping out of seemingly nowhere with a chef getup already on as he sliced the meat, "Place one sheet of plastic on a clean cutting board. Put a chicken piece in the center of the plastic and top with the other sheet of plastic." Jersey stopped to stare at Vermont, knife in hand. After a second of hesitance, Vermont decided he'd choose his battles today and followed the instructions under the very judgmental eyes of his brothers.

Once done, Rhode Island popped out of heaven knows where and started to beat the ever-loving heck out of the chicken with the flat side of a meat mallet. "You just gotta-" Rhode Island was putting his heart and soul into beating up the poultry, "You just gotta pretend it's your least favorite sibling." Vermont cringed every time the mallet met the chicken, "...Am I your least favorite sibling?"

Rhode Island didn't answer. He just kept beating the poultry piece by piece until all the pieces were 1/4-inch thick before carelessly tossing the mallet into the sink. He threw a good amount of pepper and salt on them before walking away.

"Put 3/4 a cup of all-purpose flour in a pie plate and dredge each piece in it one at a time!" New Hampshire went on, scaring Vermont. He didn't hear her get here. Or get her ingredients out. What the-?

New Hampshire turned the chicken to coat and packed the flour into the crevices. She shook of the excess before placing each piece back on the rack.

New York pointed to a kitchen cabinet, "Get a medium bowl."

Vermont grabbed a bowl and paused. Since when did he listen to any of these people???

New Jersey dumped a cup of breadcrumbs, a 1/4 cup of Parmesan, a 1/2 teaspoon of salt, and a 1/4 teaspoon of pepper into Vermont's bowl. New York joined in by cracking an egg and dumping a 1/2 cup of milk. Vermont whisked for his life.

New Hampshire dunked the chicken in the mix, allowing any excess to drip off. She then packed seasoned breadcrumbs onto the chicken. VERY gently.

The rest of the excess was shaken off, and the chicken was returned to the rack. It was then sent off to be refrigerated from 30 minutes to 12 hours; no more, no less.

Vermont was shaken. This cooking felt aggressive, "...Are we done?"

New Jersey raised his eyebrows, "Can you magically summon sauce into existence?"

"Well-"

"HEAT 1/3 CUP OF OLIVE OIL in a large pot over medium-high heat," New York interrupted, the stove roaring to life, "3 cloves of garlic. FINELY GRATED. 1 teaspoon dried oregano! 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes! FASTER, MONTY, FASTER! This can only be on for a minute!"

As Vermont scrambled around the kitchen, New Jersey wasn't helping. "Two 28-ounce cans of diced tomatoes," NJ listed, leaning against the counter, "3 sprigs basil, 1 teaspoon salt."

After the ingredients were added, the pot was brought to a boil then promptly reduced to a simmer. It cooked on the stove, uncovered, for about 30 minutes. Vermont tried to creep away the whole time, but he simply wasn't allowed. The tomatoes were smashed with a potato masher until smooth. A little extra salt was tossed in.

Meanwhile, New Hampshire poured a 1/2 cup of olive oil into a large skillet on medium-high heat. She cooked the chicken from the fridge for one minute on each side (not cooked through) before placing them on the foil-lined baking sheet, about 3 inches apart.

New York arranged an oven rack to be directly underneath the broiler before preheating it to high. New Jersey and Vermont topped each piece of chicken with a 2/3 cup of the sauce and spread it evenly to coat. New Hampshire sprinkled 1 tablespoon of Parmesan and a 1/2 cup of mozzarella on each one. It was then broiled until the cheese melted and browned in some spots, about 2 to 3 minutes.

12 ounces of spaghetti were cooked until al dente. It was drained and stirred into the remaining sauce, before getting placed into a serving dish and topped with the chicken.

Vermont, after being voluntold, finished the meal by sprinkling more Parmesan and torn basil on top.

Staring at their creation, he looked to the others. "...What now? "Then have Italy take all the credit for your own recipe," America shrugged, taking a dish, "Not that we're bitter. Or anything."