#GOOD NIGHT IM GOING TO CRY SOME MORE
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501starks · 8 months ago
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that finale got me sobbing for the entire 49 minutes
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skunkes · 7 months ago
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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kirishwima · 4 months ago
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why am i so weak to praise
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mymelodyisme · 8 months ago
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My sister’s graduation day 😤 let’s go 👏🏽
#gosh it’s gonna be a long day and I’m running on two hours of sleep again#i only get the chance to work at night because I don’t have ✨privacy✨#and I’ve been going to bed late and waking up even more tired than usual and my mom’s been scolding me for it#and now I’ve had to tell her what I’m doing and I feel like I just gave another piece of me away again#everything I am everything I do has to be for other people#im so tired when will I give my last piece away 🥹#this was to make ME proud of ME I was doing it for myself and now I feel like it’s for her#and then she’s going to tell my dad and now it’s for him too#also I can’t even cry about it because she HAS to know why I’m upset#she keeps glancing up at me and talking to me in bits#all I have left is my emotions 🥹#anyhow sorry to start the day off so gloomy and depressing I have literally nothing to be sad about I’m very privileged#sorry you guys see me being a baby constantly 🥺 I really do have a good life and shouldn’t be complaining#here’s to a better day for us all#melifails#now i feel like a jerk subjecting you all to this😭 sorry sorry let’s move on#im gonna be a busy bee hopefully I can squeeze in a time for a nap#😭 I don’t waaaaaannnnnaaa sit for hours in the California heat MAYBE with the sun hitting us in the face#our football field is NOT kind in this way#hopefully my sister gets the shady side but even then the sun will hit us in the face eventually just not as long#im !!! excited!!!! I bought ice cream for today 👏🏽 I originally bought choco chip and minto moose tracks?? my sister loves mint flavor#so I bought mint Oreos too so she can eat them with her ice cream 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽#i assume we’re getting take out of some sort so that; ice cream; and uuuuuuu I don’t remember anything else I bought; my best friend did#bring us snacks yesterday!!! pretzels and cookies!!! so that!!!#okay brain no work no more I gotta get dressed love you muah muah muah
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the-kipsabian · 1 year ago
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i thinkkkkkk ive done everything??
just took out the trash about to have a lil snack and chill until sleep consumes me for like. six hours lol
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izzy-b-hands · 1 year ago
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Absolutely horrific heart pounding nightmare woke me up for the day. That's. a start to it lmao
#text post#it started out so cool and had like. Jim as a diver? in something v futuristic for some docu that olu was narrating#but it just got. horrible minute by minute#Olu's narration revealed that the earth had been decimated by a war involving multiple nuclear weapons#and somehow things were like. okay enough for some survivors like him and jim to make it? but things were V Fucked lmao#then midway thru jims device/pod thing broke and it felt like i was literally controlling them thru an ocean under the crust of the earth#(no idea what that's abt lmao i think my brain spaced on set dressing this dream a lil bit)#and it was like trying to swim them thru pudding but with so many irradiated and fucked up and ANGRY sea creatures all around#i got them to the surface after floating past a bunch of bodies but they were basically out of air by then so they were gasping hard#and i woke up right then and woke up basically the same way lmao#it's been several minutes now and my heart is still pounding like mad#and im crying a little and can't seem to stop but today i set aside to try and force myself to have a good big cry#i need to find something to watch to make me cry tho so maybe s2 thus far again lol bc certain moments might do it#more likely i need to see what else i have from my past watchlists that are Guaranteed Cry items and try one of those#so i can get over this current thing with the ptsd and get my shit back together even temporarily#duct tape that all back together in the box in my brain until the next random trigger (bc i still dunno exactly what made this one go)#i think it might actually be my brain processing late a lot of Move Feelings re: mum & family bc that's what Housemate#and i talked abt last night a lot but ultimately im ???? as to a for sure trigger#anyway GOOD FUCKING MORNING i guess aksndjffjfj
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milo-is-rambling · 2 years ago
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Most of the time I think life is so so good and then I have one minuscule moment of pain again and it’s like nvm I need to die
#you ever have a good pain week and then you can feel your body getting tense again even when you’re trying to be proactive and it doesn’t#help anymore and you feel like a child again I feel like when I first started hurting when I first realized this was forever I feel like#when I would spend nights crying and thinking about how this was my body and this was my life and how it’ll be like this forever#I almost hate feeling good bc I forget how shitty it is when I hurt#like I truly forget that pain is forever when I have a good couple days and then it always comes back and even when it’s not brutal#immediately I know it will get there again.#I’m pmsing and I’m nervous bc I am stressed and I’ll be starting a new job next week and my shoulders are set more forward then they normal#are and ik it’s from driving and stress and sleeping in so many different places but like god how do I stop being afraid of my body#falling apart while im still using it.#I’m preparing myself for the inevitable endo flare. if it isn’t this month it’ll be some other month. how do I explain to a new boss that I#might have to call out a couple days in a row every month bc I’ll be busy curled up in a ball crying or sleeping for two days#how do I explain that I have to lie about how much I can carry and how long I can stay on my feet because if I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to#get a job anywhere#ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh I feel incredibly young and small and my life is short and just beginning and it feels like it’s racing me to the end#I will hurt in some capacity forever. I just have to deal with that. between emotional and physical pain I am hurting constantly but this#last week has been so fucking good and I have to go back to my regular life tomorrow and try to be good and fix myself and still remember to#stretch even when I’m not driving ten hours and it’s just so hard#I hope I take care of myself. I hope I stop hurting I hope I can be happy soon
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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me gearing up to hate my Fucking life as i work to finish this damned texting bitch of a program due tomorrow, logging into the school website to get the lab info page... only to see the due date's been pushed back a week. probably bc many people, like me, are really... not close to done with it lol
i wouldve known this if id gone to class today probs lol, but i was too busy being gay. so uh. yay? this is a genuine relief lol i was feeling Particularly destructive about it all.
#speculation nation#ive been increasingly irritated today bc of the knowledge that this was waiting for me at home#i knew i wasnt going to finish it in a way that was favorable to me. i was going to need to sacrifice sleep.#but it seems like i wont have to. thank fucking god.#anyways yea my girlfriend was visiting for the past few days (aka why ive been largely absent from here) but she's left again#i only had a few more hours with her so i decided to skip class and be gay instead of going. Lol#and then i had to go to work to do some stuff but i procrastinated leaving bc i was watching critical role#and then the stuff took longer than expected bc i had to make creme brulee bc we were completely out but got more powder for it#did inventory. prepped my notes for the meeting (that is starting. soon.)#then came home. prepared myself for Shit Night. got started looking into shit#and then found this thing. so like lmfao like Hell im going to work on this bitch tonight. fuck that.#uhmmm sorry professor for not going to class for two consecutive class periods i was busy prepping for being gay and then being gay#Finger Guns. lmao#anyways yeah life resumes as normal. im not really getting a day off this week.#WELL depending on things maybe i could get away with not coming in on thursday#i was only scheduled an hour today but it turned into 3.5hr. im not scheduled tomorrow but it's payroll week so i'll go in to do tips#then thursday im scheduled 2 hours for recipe restocking but if no recipes need restocked then like. no need & all#the other days r proper shifts. Though if they dont give us our tapioca by the weekend i'll end up not having a sunday shift#bc BOBA MAKING IS BACKKKKKKKKK (crying tears of joy and pain)#but we're getting a new machine for it so it'll hopefully be Much easier than it used to be. which is good! i fucking hated my Life with it#anyways i know i need to sleep after the manager meeting bc lol. lmao even. staying awake any longer in this kind of mood isnt gonna help
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seahorseduh · 7 days ago
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I DID IT. I GOT INTO THE VOID STATE AND MANIFESTED EVERYTHING I WANTED. IM CRYING
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
EDIT: some people were confused about the singaporean language, i just scripted it was real in my new reality its like arabic/hebrew but with a different alphabet
here is the singaporean alphabet:
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(credit)
and the country i made called tianmo is actually called neovia in english, i made a google document about it you can find HERE :)
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
i manifested bringing my phone with me into my new reality, so this is how im communicating. im gonna be leaving tumblr now to live my dream life, ill probably reblog stuff and like things every now and then. i was using the distraction method and idk how to describe it i was just in the void, heres everything i manifested!!!
HERE IS THE DISTRACTION METHOD!!!! ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
being able to shift, manifest or go into the void on command
can’t get bullied
desired family (im in the dunphy family from modern family)
moving to tianmo (a country i made before manifesting)
extremely rich
i’m 13 again
i speak mandarin, korean, singaporean, french, german, spanish, thai, welsh, japanese and russian on a native level. Im so good at these languages i can type 200 wpm in each and i know more than most native adults! I cannot forget languages and i will keep them for the rest of my life. Nobody at school knows i know other languages yet.
living my dream life
me and family always safe and healthy
im in a lot of movies
df and db
always healthy
love school and popular 
i’m everyone’s type and i get along with everyone, i have no enemies. 
cousins with celebs
i mog every model
my city has amazing public transit and a metro
i embody the blue junimocore aesthetic
i always smell like gingerbread in winter, tropical in summer
famous grandparents
i have an extremely high spice and pain tolerance 
i always have proof that im related to famous people and people believe me
there’s usually thunderstorms at night
Im the most attractive person in the school
No matter where we travel, me or my family is always protected and safe. Nothing bad can happen to us. We cant die until we are old. I cant die unless i want to and it will be peaceful, i will barely age. My family is and me are free from any disease including age related ones and cannot get severely injured. We will live happy long lives. We can never get in any danger no matter what time it is or where we are.
I can never get hate online or in real life
I can do anything on roblox and not get banned, exploits and anything
I have a huge close friend group where nobody is left out 
I always have amazing and perfect grades, ive had amazing grades my whole life.
On my notion, i have a script for everything and theres an ai that helps me find the one.
Im a master shifter and manifestor. I can spawn things. I always get into the void state and shift if i affirm 3 times
i have an amazing bff with a 679 day streak on snapchat
I dont wear glasses and have amazing vision 
popular at school
i find skincare relaxing and fun, i have all the best korean skincare products
i look amazing in every picture, im videogenic and photogenic
i take the tram to school 
my country has the best high speed rail in the world
Good grades
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pomegranatesarchive · 8 months ago
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two lonely friends | oscar piastri
paring: oscar piastri x journalist!reader
summary: lando norris has two lonely best friends. he gets an idea, why not set them up?
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f1wags: y/n l/n, landos bestfriend was seen entering the monaco grand prix paddock today!
view comments below!
user1: OH BROTHER
user2: free my girl y/n 🗣️
user3: the day y/n stops getting referred to as “landos bestfriend” is the day i can REST
user4: landos bestfriend?? sorry i only know y/n l/n f1 journalist??
user5: y’all do this every race 🙄 OFC SHES THERE. THATS HER JOB.
user6: she’s such a moocher
user7: she’s literally there to do HER JOB?
user8: it’s crazy how after a year of oscar being in f1, we still haven’t gotten a y/n and oscar interaction ???
user9: y/n, our comfort outfit queen
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ynandlandocontent: my favorite snippet of landos and y/ns interview 🧡
view comments below!
user10: ugh them ☹️☹️
user11: literally just make out already
user12: the very best FRIENDS
user13: she’s so unprofessional 💀
user14: this wasn’t even part of the interview 😭 this was just a blooper 🙄
user15: OKAY BUT Y/N FINALLY GOT TO INTERVIEW OSCAR ???
user16: ugh i love them so much 😞
user17: lando and y/n shippers where??
user18: HERE 🙋‍♂️
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oscarpastyupdates: y/n interviewing oscar today!
view comments below!
user19: oscar “but um” piastri everyone!
user20: FINALLY SOME Y/N x OSCAR CONTENT!!
user23: why do i ship…
user24: they literally only talked once 😭😭
user23: okay let me BEEE
user25: guys did you see how hard he was blushing, or am i just crazy???
user26: they literally want each other SO BAD
user27: i can feel the tension through the screen
user28: ok so do i ship lando x y/n or oscar x y/n
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— one day later !
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ynupdates: queen y/n was seen out last night by multiple fans! she looks beautiful!
view comments below!
user29: HELLOOO???? IS THAT NOT OSCAR
user30: ARE WE JUST GOING TO PRETEND THAT THAT IS NOT OSCAR PIASTRI???
user31: omg oscar stole landos girl
user32: landos girl???
user33: wait i like this
user34: i love how the caption doesn’t mention oscar at ALL
user35: let them cook 🔥🔥
user36: okay oscar i see you 👀
user37: i wonder how lando feels about this..
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liked by charles_leclerx, yourusername, landonorris, and 673,928 others!
lando.jpg: happy birthday to my little sister! you’re ancient now 😞 here’s to many more birthdays together!
view comments below!
user38: aw ☹️
user39: okay guys i’m crying
user40: lando ALWAYS eats with his birthday captions
user41: i wonder if landos ex’s had ever felt intimidated by y/n
user42: y/n has said that she has never not gotten along with landos gfs, so there’s that!
user43: okay now kiss
user44: i still ship idc
user45: her and lando ✅ her and oscar ❌
yourusername: ugh lando you love me so much, it’s disgusting
lando.jpg: i will take away your present.
yourusername: NO IM SORRY
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liked by, mclaren, landonorris, oscarpiastri and 873,928 others!
yourusername: and who’s gonna pay attention to the redheads of the world?
pic credits: some kid named oscar??
view comments below!
user46: OKAY OKAY OKAY
user47: ugh you look so good 😔
user48: OSCAR IN THE CAPTION ??? WE ARE SO BACK!!!
user49: happy birthday queen!!
user50: happy birthday 🧡🧡
user51: oscar and y/n hard launch when???
oscarpiastri: ME I’LL PAY ATTENTION TO THE REDHEADS OF THE WOLRD!!! I WILL!!
user52: okay oscar let’s calm down..
user53: oh he’s down bad
user54: who needs more confirmation then THIS??
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liked by maxverstappen1, mclaren, landonorris, and 873,928 others!
oscarpiastri: happy birthday to my best friend, and the most beautiful lady in the world 🧡
view comments below!
landonorris: bestfriend?
landonorris: oh okay
landonorris: cool cool cool
landonorris: yeah that’s chill
landonorris: totally NOT going to brust out into tears rn
landonorris: hahaha
landonorris: that would be stupid
landonorris: cool cool cool
landonorris: okay okay okay
landonorris: i set you two up and you just completely forget about me huh
landonorris: wow i can’t believe this
landonorris; i’m going to die alone
landonorris; alone and sad
landonorris: FUCK YOU GUYS
user55: let’s all just move pass lando having a mental breakdown…
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kawaiianimeredhead · 1 year ago
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Ughhh
#had to come into work on my day idd#off** which tbch i meant to prepare myself a little more for that possibility because one of my coworkers had a heart thing recently#which resulted in his heart stopping for a moment so he wasnt able to come back to work when he was expected to#and today was going to be his day back but he had an issue so he couldnt come in#and on top of that my other coworker called my boss crying because he dog ate something#i dont know what but she is incredibly and understandablely upset about the health of her dog#so he didnt think she was going to come in but when i got here she was#which i had hoped meant something good but i saw Nick ask her if he was doing ok and she just broke down crying more#i cant (but actually can unfortunately) believe he had her stay and do the longest thing we have in the morning to do#when he saw me he mentioned he was greatful we both came in cause hes got a doctors appointment#but im certain he still could have done the longer thing because trash on tuesdays is nothing#he came in last night and got some!#and he was like 'yeah she said her dog got into something that was in aluminum foil? maybe it was chocolate or something but-'#'- she said shes gonna take him to the vet as soon as she gets off. i think shes worried hes gonna die'#and like he heard all of that probably through tears and didnt send her home! or offer to help her at all#cause like i said he hardly has anyyhing to do#i cant imagine his doctor's appointment is before 9am naybe 830 at the earliest#which everything we do can be done before then#im so mad about it#trying to help her where i can but feel like i didnt do enough#cause im very unfamiliar with the floors and i had a smaller broom to sweep with#but he knows how much her dog is a big part of her world and he can hear that she thinks hes gonna die today and just be like#ok well thanks for coning in and please do the floors#shes probably worried hell die before she even gets home of shes that worried about him#i dont think it was chovolate he got i to but i didnt wanna ask becauss i know shes really trying to just push through the morning#if i had to take an absolute wild guess id think he ate an edible of some sort but thwy usually have gummies so i dont know why itd be foil#dont mind me#tag rambles
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vatelixx · 3 months ago
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On the concept of ‘want’,
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Spencer Reid x afab!BAU!reader (written with early-ish seasons Spencer in mind)
SMUT!! (and fluff, and aftercare because im not a total hedonist), allusions to both Spencer and Reader being switches (but he’s mostly just down bad), autistic Spencer (the way it should be), mean reader (to everyone but him), reader has a very very high IQ when it comes to everything but a pretty genius— Spencer just wants that cookie so fucking bad.
Warnings: sub spencer (but also not entirely; he talks about human anatomy as he destroys her), maaaaaybe slight corruption kink (what? who wrote that there???), mentions of prior bullying and insecurity, first time (for Spencer, yess devirgin that hot nerd!!— do you think the BAU will get him a cake after?), brief mentions of past hypersexuality for reader, kinda rlly domestic. Some undertones of degradation but predominantly praise. Begging, crying (pussy so good he cried), etc etc
w.c: 5k (I feed)
a/n: Spencer’s first time getting fucked, my first time writing smut (we’re both going through it here). I’ve been watching too much Criminal Minds recently, so i’ve reverted back to my tumblr roots (im home i’m home). This is a new acc so like…. hi!!!
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Right person, right time. It’s a concept that Spencer Reid is more than aware of. Define luck, at surface level, it’s a made-up hypothesis, idealistic, fantastical. Conjured up to aid the desperate (or the delusional). It’s something he refused to humour, obstinate to the notion, well, that was until you came spitballing into his life, sharp features, sharper tongue. You could cut with your words alone, a weapon to the BAU, jagged and fast-thinking, and so entirely unattainable. Rorschach tests, and an endless sea of profilers, it doesn’t matter— he’s not sure anyone is ever capable of truly pinpointing you.
Rocky start— after you became a permanent member to the team, it took months to coerce you into dropping your guard. A year and 14 days, to be exact.
But, it was possible. Hardened words and blunt comments shifted into something more with time. A gravitational pull, perhaps, that led to evolution— you, softer with him, more tender than you’ve ever showcased before.
Maybe it was that night when he told you about highschool, about what they did to him, boys like him, who were too intellectual for their own good. Different, in every sense of the word. Bullying at such a young, impressionable age can have prominent effects, chronic stress inflicted on an underdeveloped brain, they tied him to goal posts, stripped him naked, endless torment that he still carries with him now. Maybe that’s why you lowered your defenses. Put down the sword.
And sure, he never expected anything, nor asked for anything. He was definite that he wouldn’t get to experience cliche-dating. Longing glances and anticipated moments. It’s not like he was ever the most appealing candidate, too nervous, too neurodivergent. It’s hard to grow out of the mentality that no, everyone isn’t making fun of you, not when it consumed the entirety of his adolescence. That you can walk into a room, and not be seen, targeted, as an outcast. He’s just different. But he’s also human, and the chemicals in his brain do make him want.
You apparently. Because, you looked at him softly once, and he was done. Ruined. Gone for good. Or, in Morgan’s personal opinion, whipped.
And illogically, you wanted him too. That wasn’t ever part of the equation.
But theres a pattern now— dates every weekend. Movies, cafes, museums, an endless onslaught of you. Because somehow, thanks to luck, you reciprocated. He’ll never understand why, you’re too beautiful (it’s a hazard), but he tries. He tries.
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December. A haze of christmas markets and blanketing coldness. You kiss him outside and he thinks he might be dying. You make him burn cold. He’s a logical person, so obviously he’s aware that he’s only freezing because your hands are shoved in his pockets, a desperate bid to seek warmth, but regardless, it’s more than he ever expected.
He laughs against your lips, fingers gripping the front of your coat as he draws you backwards so that you’re resting against a wall. “Mm..” he hums, “You should kiss me more often.”
Everyone knows. The entire team is aware of this, an unspoken agreement that your lingering moments and aimless touching are not platonic in the slightest. You work with profilers, secrets are never quite effective. Everyone knows, but it’s taboo, something that needs to be left undisturbed. Do they expect you to break him? Does he? Maybe, maybe it would be worth it— to hurt for you, because it’s always been you. He’ll take anything, he’s not greedy. He’ll live off scraps if he has to, anything to satiate this want that burns solely for you.
“Actually.. you should just always be kissing me,” he suggests, tone soft, “Every day of the week. All the time. And—“ he laughs, “You should also stop stealing body warmth. It’s rude. Hypothermia usually occurs when body temperature dips to around 95F, oh oh but there are so many factors to consider—“
“Is this you trying to imply you’re cold?” you ask.
“Perhaps. Or maybe i’m implying you should be working harder to warm me up.”
You’ve grown soft, he thinks. He shouldn’t be allowed to get away with this level of affection. But its okay, you justify, mostly because it’s him. Spencer, and his pretty smile, and strange habits (sitting cross legged on tables, drinking coffee with excessive sugar, endless facts and a plethora of soft yearning glances at you when you’re interrogating— as if you’re not tearing an unsub to pieces). It’s terrifying, constant eggshells, because you can’t hurt him. Not like the others, distant fragments of your past.
You laugh in response to his comment, admiring the sight of him: flushed, with swollen lips and dilated eyes. He deserves to be like this, so thoroughly assured that despite all odds, you’re invested. All cards on the table. “You have a lot of requests, boy genius.”
He smiles boyishly. You’re hard lines, sure, a blade that can draw blood, but somehow, somehow, he’s always left unscathed. “Alright,” he answers, “You want requests? Here’s one, stay the night. Come over, stay over, i’ll cook breakfast and try not to burn it— and, and you can have the good side of the bed.”
“Spence,” you mutter, because of course there’s an underlying intention to ‘staying over’ and you're trying to be good here. To not let this fall into your past mistakes of sex and inevitable self-inflicted disgust. A cyclical cycle that clings to your skin. Everything is so new to him, the intimacy, the affection, and it’s nice being able to witness it— to see his reactions to innocuous touches, always disbelieving that he’s capable of this.
Fresh-eyes, so untainted to the sharpness of modern ‘love’.
You cup his face, god, under the dim shadows of the streetlight he’s beautiful. It’s a little alarming to be honest. More so disheartening really, because despite how much you remind him, he never believes you— obstinately refusing your compliments, as if you’d ever mock him. No, he’s different. He’s tender and disarming, and sometimes it feels unholy to touch him with calloused hands.
But, to Spencer, there is nothing unholy to this; the second you touch him, the entire universe crashes down into a singular moment.
“Just stay the night,” he reaffirms. It’s taken him over a month to get to this point, to be able to voice his wants, to comprehend his wants. Now, his thumb traces its way down the side of your face, tangible, real. “And tomorrow morning, there’ll be coffee and pancakes and—“ he laughs, “And there won’t be any regrets. I promise.”
You’re looking at him, wide-eyed and slightly disbelieving (because he’s somehow stumbled through the minefield of you without any consequences). He leans forward, his forehead resting against yours. “Don’t make me beg. I will beg.”
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To confirm, he makes you incautious, irrational, willing to blatantly disregard any sort of control. Of course you end up at his apartment; the moment he mentioned begging, you were already half-way down the street.
Spencer’s place is… well, it’s everything you’d expect of him. Scattered novels adorning the floor, a mess of untidy thoughts, neglected papers on science, endless open textbooks left half-abandoned for other pursuits. It’s so him, clean but discombobulated.
He wants to apologize, make excuses for the lack of order, he probably should. He doesn’t do that though. He only crosses the room, stopping when he’s standing right in front of you, just gazing down. He has no idea what’s to come— for once, there are no patterns, no statistics he can reference.
So, he reaches for you, fingers tugging at the edges of your jacket. “Arms. Up,” he instructs and god, it’s a stupid order, but you follow it without any protest. He folds it over the couch, abandoned. Putting it back on alludes to leaving, and he’s hopeless enough to never want you to leave.
His hands then gravitate back to you and he starts to tug aimlessly at the material of your shirt. It’s been raining, and the fabric is soaked. “Hm,” he hums, “Off. Take it off.”
You laugh at that. Straight to the point. You don’t follow his orders, because one was certainly enough, and you’ve never been the type to obey blindly. Instead, you grip his waist, drive him back towards the nearest surface. An end table, some books go clattering, light damage, they’ll survive. His response is a gasp, a hitch of the breath.
“I was promised the good side of the bed, breakfast, pancakes. But sex? Hm, did you invite me over just to get in my pants? I’m wounded, Reid.” you mutter, pressing a series of soft kisses along the curvature of his jaw.
“No! No,” he retorts, breathless, “I was going to get you some comfortable clothes to change into. Damp clothes breed bacteria. You made this dirty,” Adding, “And not in the way I was concerned about.” under his breath.
You roll your eyes, “Oh, here we go—“ sure, you have the experience he lacks, but you’ve been on your best behavior. Dirty? That’s an insult to the exhausting self-restraint you’ve upheld recently.
“Yes— i’m the dirty one here, clearly.” you scoff, “Just casually corrupting you,” You tug him away from the end-table because you don’t want him bruised in any way, shape or form (it’s actually distressing; when you’re working, you seem hellbent on making sure no one even thinks about laying a hand on him. Unsubs be damned.)
Ego-centric, completely independent, individualistic until he came along.
You push him back against the couch, watching as he stumbles, as he falls. For a minute he just lies there, looking up at you with hazy eyes— pupils dilated and lips parted on a half-pained gasp.
And it’s a sight to see, the brilliant prodigy, the young genius, his normally-composed features now twisted into something stricken. His hands tighten around the material of the couch and he lets out a sound that’s a cross between a whine and a groan.
“Oh—“ that’s just a clear-cut moan, “You can definitely definitely keep corrupting me, in fact I endorse it. Completely.”
“3 PHDS, 2 B.A’s and you’re currently asking me to corrupt you? I don’t know, Doctor Reid, that’s certainly very forward,” you say, moving to sit on his lap, aware that you really should entertain this spot more often, even if you’re at severe risk of deflating.
Deflating. God. When did it come to this?
He laughs, “You’re the only person in this entire world that makes me act without a single coherent thought,” IQ abolished. “So yeah,” he murmurs, fingers tracing mindless patterns across the exposed strip of skin above your waistline. “Defini-definitively corrupt me.”
It’s taken so much to get to this point. So much to unpack, to understand, from Spencer’s perspective. There’s a lifetime of bullying that he has to dismantle, and sometimes he still anticipates the punchline when you kiss him— the biting laughs, not entirely dissimilar to school, when someone would belittle him, fake being his friend just for entertainment value.
So, when you stumble into the bedroom, when you remove his shirt, he knows this is improvement. He’s fighting this internal battle, unsure on how he should act: coy or defiant. Both, really. He wants to cover himself up, to pretend like you don’t disarm him, to fight and fight until you make him bleed. Anything, he’ll take anything from you.
“You are so so pretty,” you mutter when he’s sprawled out across the bed. You’ve never been someone to resort to praise; sex had always been cold and clinical, something to relieve stress, to undermine the burden of work, and the endless weight of sanguinary. But now? If he is the eye of the storm, then you’ll happily commit to the chaos of this.
“Careful, you’ll make me inherit a disorder here.” he mutters. Narcism— he’s the least likely to ever develop such symptoms. “Or cry. I could cry, it’s a potential. Maybe break-down?”
“Or,” he adds, his hands tracing up towards your shoulder blades. “All of the above. The trifecta of issues. It’s very likely.”
He rolls over on top, you’re down to just your lingerie now, pretty lace contrasting against your skin. Removing your clothes had been a whole ordeal, he’s fairly certain he almost died; you’re the epitome of beautiful, and he’s not sure how he ended up with everything when he was so resolute, silently accepting, he would always obtain nothing.
“I want to kiss you, but I don’t know, I feel like my body has lost the ability to function at the moment.” he breathes out.
“You should definitely kiss me,” you confirm, posing it as a choice, one that he has any say over— when in reality, youre already tugging him closer. Lips meeting lips. It’s not sane how the world fades into a nebulous haze the moment your mouths connect; time remains constant, logistically, nothing has changed. But it’s just so much that for a moment you doubt the concept of existence, doubt everything but him.
Genius falling for genius. Only you could laugh when he traces molecules into your skin. Spelling out words with elements: Livermorium, Uranium. LV U, it might not be an exact replica of the three worded phrase, but it certainly gets the point across.
“Spence—“ you bite into his lip, tugging the soft tissue between your teeth.
He groans, whimpers, pulls you closer, eliminating every infinitesimal distance between, slotting his hips against yours. He draws away from your mouth, lips leaving a trail of kisses down your neck as he reaches for your hand, interlocking his fingers with yours and pinning it against the bed. His free one is now wandering, slipping beneath your panties to touch.
“Do you know how much I studied about human anatomy after you first kissed me?”
“Weeks.” he answers when you respond with a muffled groan. Your hands are on his back now, tracing the journey of his spine. He’s in over his head, but there’s so much want, so much he wants to do but never thought he would be capable of. And oh, when he begins to draw circles against your clit, slow experimental halos, those soft touches of yours evolve into grasping, gripping. By the time he’s got a finger slotted inside, he’s fairly certain he’s being scratched. Nail indents and faint white lines, souvenirs.
“I know about every erogenous zone the human body possesses, every single one.” He says, because whilst he might lack in physical experience, he has enough intellect to memorize placement, biology. Plus, he’s a fast learner. His finger bends, and both of you moan.
“Spence— fuck, feels good.” you gasp, tangled hands clutching tighter, tighter again until your knuckles are white and you’re trembling.
The human body is something of a fascination to him; the way it reacts, how each nerve and ligament can respond to even the most tentative of touches. But you aren’t every human, you are you, and he has an insatiable desire to discover and catalog every single response your body gives.
He adds another finger, slowly, eyes fixed on your face, gauging the reaction. When he curls both digits, a sharp exhale is your response. “I’m convinced I’ve discovered new anatomy facts in the last few months, just because of you.”
Maybe it’s not fair that he’s so good. First times are supposed to be fumbling and awkward, a mess of hormones and inexperience. To say you haven’t been touched like this before is a severe understatement. The meaningless sex, the onslaught of bodies doesn’t measure up to him, the way he’s so focused on how you respond, on what your body enjoys— it would be endearing (and it is!), but you're currently too preoccupied to voice such a notion.
“Doing so good, holy shit—“ you mutter, blissed out beyond comprehension. You're making art on his back, only vaguely aware of the pain. Though when you realize you’ve scarred his skin, you're drawing away, moving to tangle your hand in his hair instead. But Spencer doesn’t even care, doesn’t even register the inflictions; he likes the physical marks you leave behind, a tangible remnant of all you do to him.
And sure, he’d laugh, usually, at your responses. But it’s hard to laugh, when his own ability to form any coherent sound has been completely destroyed. He’s a mess, his breathing shaky, and his brain is a constant buzz of fragmented musings consisting of you, you, you.
He draws his fingers out, earning a discernible groan, maybe a fuck you (which he does intend to do). But right now, he’s already slotting his face between your thighs, removing those soaked, ruined, panties of yours. He doesn’t have a single thing to compare it to. But he already knows this is his favorite place to be, and he’s fairly certain he’ll be spending most nights between your thighs, learning and memorizing every reaction and noise, each movement, and the ways to repeat them.
He runs his tongue along your clit, savoring just how wet you are, a mess that he can bury his face into. You’re looking down at him with something akin to shock now, and he can only laugh, blow air against your clit, then drag his tongue back over the sensitive bud, drawing it into his mouth to suck.
His movements are tentative at first, unpractised, but soon gaining confidence. He doesnt need to do this, you're aware— you could take him now. And yet, hes here, between your thighs for no reason other than want. Your reaction is visceral, because it’s always been about efficiency in the past, quick touches to get you there before the other person can derive their own pleasure from the act.
He’s not like that. God, hes not like that at all.
“Oh,” is all you can say, gripping his hair down to the root, instructing each movement until he gains incentive, finding repeat patterns that your body reacts to. Then, you can only arch and moan, noises filtered out into the air. He’s back to opening you up now, two deft fingers pressed inside, working diligently to tear you apart.
“Oh? That’s all you have to say to me? Oh?” he retorts.
“Shut up,” you huff, “Put that mouth of yours to work.”
“Mhm— I plan to. God, you’re so perfect.” he mutters, voice distorted, muffled. “That’s it—“ he fights the urge to explain exactly what’s occurring in your body every time his fingers abuse that spot. Instead, he keeps his mouth busy.
He’s certain he’s memorized most areas of your body from years of pining, and that’s what brings him an unrepentant sense of satisfaction. Because he was memorizing your body, you, long before he even got the chance to touch or taste you.
“Wanna stay here,” he says, and he’s being petulant now, because there’s something so good about being reduced to movements. To follow the pattern, to take care of your body, mindless to anything else but you. Pussy-drunk, to put it less eloquently.
“Shit,” you buck up against his mouth, watching as he buries his face entirely into you, as he replaces his fingers with his tongue, nose bumping bumping your clit, consuming his senses entirely.
“Use my face, yeah. ‘M all yours anyway.”
“Fuck, fuck fuck— Spence. Gonna cum—“
When you fall apart, inevitable, he doesn’t stop— not until you’re boneless and spent beneath him. Back arching, stars burning through closed eyes. Pretty constellations that have you blissed out beyond belief. The pleasure is white-hot, feverish in intensity.
And then he’s moving, shifting his body back over you. He’s all soft touches and languid kisses against your mouth, not bothering to break contact as he settles himself fully over you, the weight of his hips pressing into yours. He’s hard, dick pushing up against his boxers, his sexual libido had always been low until you came into his life. Now, his wants seem to fight for release constantly.
“My turn, I believe.” he grins, pressing a kiss to your jaw, “Not that you have to, of course. It’s not an obligation, uh— more so a beg?”
“Of course it’s an obligation,” he goes to protest, to say you don’t owe him anything, so you sigh. “A thankyou, maybe?”
Fumbling hands, still shaky from pleasure, undo buttons. Unclasping his belt, removing loose fabric until he's bare before you. There’s something nervous to his gaze, something unspoken, lingering in the air. “Hey, hey. I’ve got you, yeah? You’re okay,” you promise, before your eyes shamelessly look down. He’s straining, pre-cum lingering at his tip, dick pressed up against his stomach now. “Fuck, okay— yeah. Good. Great even.” first time you've ever stumbled over a sentence in your life.
There’s so much to be concerned about. The fact he’s naked, that you could destroy everything with a few serrated words, years and years of rebuilding, reconstructing. But you don’t— and he can’t help but laugh nervously. “Glad to be up to your standards. I’d uh, hate to disappoint.”
“Always the over-achiever,” you respond, shifting away from him— there’s amusement to your expression when he groans, pitifully, when he rolls onto his back, draping an arm over his face.
Predictable. Condoms in his bedside table. At least he's prepared. You open the wrapper with your teeth, discarding it somewhere amongst the tangle of limbs and sheets, too hellbent on finding him again.
Oh, in this position, you have full, unrestricted view of his body. Endless planes of skin, begging to be marked, sentenced indefinitely to your touch. By the time you straddle his hips, hes a flushed mess beneath you. “I— um, you look really really pretty right now.” he stumbles, idiot.
His dilated eyes take you in. Every contour and curve, the way your hair hangs over your face, eyes up eyes up eyes up. He fails when you run your hand across his dick, thumb brushing against the tip. By the time you’ve slipped the condom over him, hes gone. Bucking and moaning, and so so much better than his hand could ever be.
He wants to be inside of you, but it’s hard to think right now, let alone vocalize the words. I want, he thinks, I want everything, with you.
Your name is on his tongue, muttered and repeated, a reverent prayer of sorts. He needs to gain back his control here, to return to equal footing.
“Yeah—“ he breathes out, “So much of an overachiever, considering I had you making all of those noises—“ his words falter, die out, when you sink down. When you take him. Wrapped around, tight. Warm heat that sets alight every nerve in his overstimulated body. He has half the mind to apologize for his comment because you’re about to ruin him, he knows.
“I thought you wanted me to corrupt you, hm?” you retort. The pace is slow, mostly for his own sanity. Though, the feel of him, the way he slots into you, warm skin pressed against warm skin is intoxicating, and it’s a battle to keep your composure. To not just fall apart under the weight of him.
“What’s that, pretty boy? Struggling? Because you were so egotistical a few seconds ago? Where’s all that ego gone? Straight between your legs, I think.”
A whimper. It’s a whimper, a pained thing ripped straight from his throat. He’s making indiscernible noises now, messy sounds pooling from his swollen lips. The praise, the strained undertones of degradation? It’s too much. But god does he love you for it, because that’s you through and through. Sharp, and brittle to everyone but him, he wants to look, he does, albeit he has to turn his head to the side, bury half of his face in a pillow because he’s gone. At this point, he can only take it.
“I— um, mhm. Yeah,” he slurs. He’s almost incoherent at this point; he’s been reduced to nothing, just a mass of skin, bone, and flesh at your disposal, to own and use and he can’t find it in himself to feel humiliated about it, not when it’s you.
“Can’t— um, I was wrong, you’re— oh god,” the sounds of your body hitting his, back arching as your pace picks up. “Oh, ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry —baby, can’t, can’t take it. That’s…”
It’s a lot for his first time, that’s for certain.
“Yes, you you can. I know you can, Spence.” you mutter, interlocking your fingers, letting them hang near your hips. “You feel so good— so so fucking good. Look at you, so brain dead for me. Taking it all so well, love.”
Love?— oh he wants to be buried with that one. He’s a mindless disaster, impenetrably devoted to you alone.
He doesn’t even know how he’s saying words at this point, it’s as if his brain-to-mouth connection has been severed by your very presence itself. It’s not possible to form a coherent thought when you’re riding him like this, taking him so deep that he’s seeing stars. There’s tears pooling in his eyes, he looks pretty when he cries. Especially when it’s derived from pleasure, when he can let go of the burdens, everything he’s endured, when it’s just sensation. Nothing more, no more thoughts.
There’s safety here, an element of home, home home bliss, that has him keening. He wants to stay buried here forever, where nothing can ever hurt him again. When it’s just you, and your pretty words, and your exploitative power to destroy him. You never do, anyway. Even when you could, you restrain.
“Can’t, ’m gonna…, Please, please, don’t stop.” he whines, “Pleasepleaseplease— oh, can’t— I can’t.”
He grips you tight, rolls you over, mostly so he can feel you closer. The sight of you riding him was excruciating, but this is worse because now there’s no gap separating you. Now, he can bury his face into the crook of your neck, burn himself in the warmth of your touch.
“Spence..” you mutter.
“I know. I know—“ hes ruined, sloppy thrusts, whimpers catching against the stifling air. “Feels s’good.”
He doesn’t know what to do, how to breathe, so he just runs his thumb over your clit, watching your prominent reaction, watching as you gasp, moan— oh, and then you’re clenching around him, tightening the pleasure, and yesyesyes.
You’re too gone, moving still, and he can only cant his hips forwards, buck and squirm until he’s sobbing under the weight of your ministrations, releasing so hard that he can barely remember his name, no cognitive function, in the haze of his orgasm.
“There’s my boy— so pretty for me.” he can vaguely hear you saying, and if you’re talking him through it, he can only hear snippets of praise now anyway.
“Mhm— mhm. Yours, yeah.” he mumbles, body sinking against the sheets, a few little whimpers escaping his lips as you milk the rest of his pleasure from him.
Tangled limbs and sweat-stained skin. “You okay?” you ask in the aftermath.
“So okay,” he agrees, shifting closer, back pressed against your torso— sue him for being little spoon.
──────────────────
The next morning, you wake to an absence of Spencer. It’s unsettling, to say the least. So, you're quick to fumble over the buttons of one of his shirts, fabric creased, matching the tousled nature of your hair, disheveled, remnants of the ruination of last night.
For a moment, you consider that he might’ve left — but there he is, in the kitchen, attempting to make breakfast.
“Hey,” you mutter, leaning against the counter to watch.
Scratches adorn his back, indent marks from your nails, crescent reminders, stain his waist, and he’s content to wear them. If anything, he can’t wait to add to the budding collection.
Pancakes. The good side of the bed. Coffee. All of his promises from last night are being thoroughly met, even if he’s burning the food, and shit, he didn’t realize the coffee would be finished so soon. For all his calculations, he’s fairly off-center today.
And then, you come padding across his kitchen, embellished in only his shirt, unbuttoned near the top to expose your collarbone, and he’s fairly certain the last remainders of his IQ disappear.
“Hi! Hi,” he says, wide-eyed, “Um, making.. breakfast. You look, wow yeah.”
Breakfast lays forgotten.
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florida3exclamationpoints · 2 years ago
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I'm gonna **** ******
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hypnagogics · 6 months ago
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Okay.. but like, loser ellie but she’s also a stoner and explains the entire lore of spider man to you while you’re trying to have seggs and she’s like stoned out of her mind and yapping about literally spider man 😭
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before you read!!
☆: THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY IM CRYING LMFAO had me dying for like 10 mins straight. this is longer than intended bc im a yapper as we know, and i kinda don't know much of the spiderman lore (and you can def tell oops)…BUT I LOVE THE WAY YOUR MIND WORKS NONNIE.
◇: sfw but suggestive themes. warning: FAR from my best work, just wanted to keep momentum going ig. basically just fluff, lots of buildup as usual SORRY i have to establish a plot before we get to the good stuff…they're of age obviously, their relationship is left vague/up for interpretation so fill in the blanks w/ your own thoughts! “babe” pet name usage, consumption of weed, duh. ok i suppose that's all. OH AND SBWM REFERENCE HAHAHA (shameless self plug :3) + 1.0k wc.
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One nice, regular night, chilling at Ellie’s humble abode, getting high, the usual Friday evening activities. You both were laying down in her bed, wrapped up in her dinosaur bedsheets of course, you were resting your head on her chest, occasionally coughing and swatting away the residual smoke that lingered in the air.
The weed had made your head fuzzy and your mouth drier than the Sahara desert, but despite all the not-so-great things, you loved to get high with Ellie.
Sometimes you'd fuck, sometimes you'd talk about life and reminisce about the good, the bad, and the ugly, and sometimes you'd just lay there to enjoy each other's company.
She was so warm and comfortable, you simply wished to merge bodies and become one with her, to make a home inside her ribcage even. You'd be perfectly fine just napping there on her cushiony chest, listening to her steady heartbeat and slow intakes of breath, if it wasn't for the familiar ache of need between your legs.
Shifting to look up at her, she was so incredibly zooted out of her mind, you found it hilarious. Chunky glasses covered in fingerprint smudges and sitting crooked atop her nose, eyes blood-red and so heavy lidded, you'd have thought she was asleep had you not taken a closer look.
You lifted yourself up and pressed your lips to the side of her pink cheek, repeatedly kissing her soft, smooth skin. She let out a husky giggle, her voice all hoarse and crackly from the substance. “Hiiii.”
She dragged out the vowel, grinning widely at you. Her smile was infectious, and you laughed at her state. Burying your face again in the crook of her neck, you mumbled, “Hi Ellie…you're so cute.”
Tangled up together, you kissed her some more on her neck, wanting to be as close as possible to her. She sighed, and angled her head to give you better access to more surface area. “That feels nice.” She'd slur, and you were pretty turned on at this point, to say the least.
It was worth asking. “Ellie…do you wanna fuckkk?” You whisper against her ear, and watch in delight as the bright-red blush spreads across her entire face like a wildfire, even reaching her collar, and spreading underneathyour shirt. “Um, yeah, duh. C’mere.”
You pressed a sloppy kiss to her lips, tangling your hands in her auburn locks and parting your puffy lips to invite her tongue in, not noticing the spit dribble down your chin where your faces met. Her breathing quickened immediately, and she whined into your mouth, the kisses getting even messier to the point where your teeth were clinking together, so you backed away for a breather.
The two of you shifted positions so she was now on top of you, resting her hand on your hip, thumb rubbing small circles. She moved in to initiate more lip-locking, but pulled away abruptly.
“Babe I forgot to tell you, so y’know Peter Parker, right?” And there she goes.
“Yeah, yeah I know him, can you just-” You try to rush past the beginnings of her rambling, because you knew once she got started, there was no end in sight. At least for a while.
You tried pulling her in to meet your lips again by the back of her head, but were met with lots of resistance. She seemed to look more alert now, a miracle. The power of superheroes!
She shuffled off of you and sat upright, assuming a cross-legged position, clearly not noticing your exasperated huffs and purposely obnoxious eye rolling, and the fact that there was a whole-ass human, half undressed, horny girl on her bed right there in front of her, who was slowly losing patience.
Ellie just went to her own world. Her eyes sparkled with passionate wonder as she thought about the series so dear to her heart. “Okay I rewatched all the movies a few days ago and I noticed something new…”
You were ready to give up what you originally had in mind, she was too far gone. She talked and talked endlessly, and you had to feign interest, nodding along and murmuring, “Mhm, yeah Els. Wow that's cool. Huh, never knew.” As enthusiastically as you could, so she didn't feel like she wasn't being listened to.
It was worth noting too though, when she started info-dumping about her interests she really was adorable, an excitement in her grassy eyes you never see otherwise, gesturing wildly with her hands and mapping out ideas to make it easy for someone who's never seen any of it to digest all this new information.
“...And then, in the movies Into the Spiderverse and Across the Spiderverse, there's this character called Gwen Stacy.”
She stops to cough and clear her throat, now seemingly appearing to completely forget that you were even there.
“And- oh yeah! She's also in the comics and ugh she's awesome, I really love her suit. It's got a hood on it…if I were to have a spider suit, it would be her style. Hm, it would also be mostly like, green…with red accents, ah I'm gonna show you all the sketches I made of it. But anyway…”
To be completely honest, you've been out of the mood for enough time now, and you've come to the realization that it actually didn't bother you.
This was Ellie, and you loved her for her! There was always next time you two met for a smoke session, you just loved spending time with someone so treasured such as her, and you'd be lying to say the Spiderman world wasn't a little interesting.
"That's so cool, wait. Okay can you explain the timeline of it all, oh and also how do all these different movies interact, is it the same universe, or something like the multiverse I think you mentioned?”
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chososlilprincess · 1 year ago
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last part of virgin!Choso<3 (im gonna write more for him tho, just in other scenarios!!) other parts here: part 1 part 2 part 4
.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.
Virgin Choso who stands on his small balcony, looking over the city, a grey cloud creeping out between his lips.
Choso had taken up smoking. He’d asked Leiri about it when he’d seen her doing it, and she’d told him it helped her to relax. he’d bought a pack right after that. The first couple of times he’d coughed the smoke out. But now he does it smoothly, inhaling and exhaling the smoke with no problem. It makes him feel at ease even just for a moment, and lord knows he needs it right now. Humans are fucking weird he thinks, they’d jepordize their health for a little break from their troubles. Guess that doesnt sound so ridiculous now that he thinks about it. Either way hes a human now too, or a half one atleast.
he squeezes the cigarette into an ashtray and looks at the time when he hears the door bell ringing. Its late and you’re here.
he hears you running up the stairs, and when you get to the top you run to him, giving him a soft hug. His heart keens.
“hi Choso!” you smile and let go of him, he immediately misses the feel of you, “hey,” he mumbles.
“why do you smell like cigerattes?” you huff and your nose crickles. cute.
he raises his shoulders.
“i cant believe it…who taught u to do that huh?” you make a disappointed face and fold your arms, tapping your foot on the floor. And he knows youre just joking, you and Yuji have been using enough sarcasm around him for him to have a pretty good understanding of it.
“Leiri,” he shrugs.
“of course…that hag,” you grin. And you look so fucking adorable, in your little outfit, and the way you look when you smile makes him weak. He has your bag ready on the couch, he had washed your panties before putting everything back into it. But he can’t think about that now, or he’ll turn bright red.
he sighs “i made dinner,” he says, “if you’re hungry,” you stop infront of him and you almost look like youre gonna cry from happiness. “im starving,” you say quickly, “what did you make?”
He’d made rice bowls for you. your favourite. And you eat like a girl who’d gotten her first meal in months. Happily humming while eating your food.
Rather than focusing on eating his own bowl, he thinks about eating every meal of the day with you, sitting across from him.
when you’re done you put your plate in the sink and you yawn, you look adorable when you yawn, you look adorable when you do anything.
you turn around, “Choso?”
his heart skips a beat. he nods.
“it’s really late and um…dark outside and i don’t really want to walk home alone,” you look away, are you….blushing?
“is it okay if i stay here for the night?”
And hes heard the stories. About what happens to pretty girls when they’re alone at night and they don’t see the stranger walking behind them. And his fist clenches at the thought of someone being mean to you. He’s stronger than any human. he’d crush their fucking skull.
“you can stay,” he says quickly, a little too eagerly he realises. And you smile, “give me your plate,” you say, looking greatful that he let you stay, unknowing of the fact that he’d do just about anything if it meant your safety, or your happiness.
You start washing the dishes in his tiny kitchen, and when Choso tries insisting that he wants to help, you splash a bit of water on him. And you laugh so sweetly, when he jumps a little, trying not to get hit.
When youre done washing up, You both stand in silence for a while. For some reason its not as akward as it sounds.
“i will sleep on the couch,” he says,
“no Choso…id feel bad, you sleep in your bed,” you mumble.
You both argue like that for a while, and youre not letting up. stubborn little human.
you both get quiet for a moment.
“how big is your bed?”
“Queen size,”
“so why dont we just…sleep in it together?”
youre blushing slightly again. it must be his imagination.
And then he thinks about it. Friends sleep in the same bed sometimes right? you dont mean anything by it, he thinks, its just you being polite.
“i guess…we could do that yes,” he agrees.
you smile and nod, “okay,”
Choso excuses himself to go to the bathroom then, telling you to go ahead and get ready for bed.
He looks at himself in the mirror. He takes out his buns, his hair falling down to his shoulders. His eyes are dark and sunken. He looks dead he thinks. He looks down, “behave,” he says quietly, mostly to his heart, but also his dick.
he buries his head in his hands And He realizes he cant, he realizes the second he’s gonna look at you in his bed, he won’t be able to stop himself. to stop himself from confessing everything he feels, everything he’s done. that he thinks about you all the time, that you drive him insane, that he stole your pretty panties and came in his hand from the smell of your wet cunt.
When he rounds the corner of his bedroom, you’re sitting patiently on the edge of his bed, waiting for him.
“i am going to sleep on the couch, i don’t think this is a good idea,” he says it quickly, before he changes his mind, before its too late to go back.
you open your mouth to speak, hesitating a little.
“is it because of what yuji told me?”
his brain goes quiet. “what?”
“that you…that you like me?”
fuck. its over. he sighs angrily. that little fucki-
you stand and walk to him.
and when you put your hand on his chest, for a moment he forgets why hes mad, he forgets who he is and what year hes in. all he sees is you. And how close you are all of a sudden. and how youre leaning in, standing on your tippy toes, pressing your soft lips to his, in a short gentle kiss. His world stops for a moment.
And when he regains his senses, his instincts take over and he kisses you back ferociously, it’s sloppy and uncoordinated, but neither of you seem to care.
You walk backwards onto his bed, and you push him down so he’s sitting on the edge. He looks at you like a puppy dog, and his cheeks are flushed red.
When you sit down in his lap his dick twitches in his pants.
“i- i didnt think you…,” he stutters. he doesn’t really believe what’s happening.
“well i do,” you say, while cupping his face in your hands. “a lot,”
“can i…” he needs it he needs it he needs it, “can i eat your pussy?” he mumbles it quietly.
your eyes widen. fuck, he shouldn’t have said that, it was way too fast, you were just kissing.
“oh…uh okay,”
fuck. yes.
he lifts you up from his lap, and you skriek a little from surprise. He puts you down in a chair in the corner of his bedroom.
he gets on his knees infront of you and speaks quietly,
“i…im sorry i,” he sniffles a little, he’s so overwhelmed. And you’re letting him taste you.
you lean down and give him a kiss, biting your lip slightly.
“its okay…we can talk later, if you need it i’ll give it to you okay?”
And fuck he almost cries, and he buries his face in your lap. You shush him a little, caressing his hair. Hes hugging your legs.
He lifts his head, and you start unbuttoning your pants. Slowly sliding them down your hips as they fall to the floor. You spread your legs and he whimpers. Your panties are pink this time, and theres a big wet spot on them. And he doesn’t spare a second, he dives his head into your cunt, rubbing his face in it and licking at the wet spot desperately. you moan his name softly, and he cant help but grind his hard cock against the leg of the chair. Hes pathetic but he doesnt care, he wants you to feel good, he wants to make you cum on his face. He groans into your weeping pussy as he thinks about you cumming for him.
He pulls away a little, silently begging you to remove your panties. He wants to see your pussy so bad. His pussy.
You slide down your panties to reveal your soaked cunt. Choso almost growls. He looks up at you, asking for permission to keep going. you nod, your eyes half lidded. Spoiled little princess, he thinks, and thats exactly how hes going to treat you from now on.
he leans in again, kissing your pussy and it makes a wet sound. He licks his lips and groans deeply at your taste. He starts lapping at your cunt like a dehydrated puppy. He’s making out with your pussy now, swiping his tongue all over. You can tell he’s inexperienced, but it doesn’t matter, he’s doing such a good job.
you feel so good, his tongue is too much, its all too much. You love him so much. And you cum unexpectedly, crying out his name, begging him to keep going and he whines. You thrash around and Choso keeps you steady, his strong hands grasping your hips.
After youre done he keeps licking up your cum, making sure youre cleaned.
“Choso…stop, too much,” you say softly.
He pulls away.
His face is covered in your juices, dripping all the way down his neck. And he looks so happy. He stands up, like its on instinct. He needs to hold you.
He grabs you into his arms and plop down onto the bed, with you on his chest. He squeezes you into him, kissing your hair while you slide your panties on again.
“mine,” he says softly. youre his now.
You look up at him, searching his eyes, “Choso i wanna um…you know,” you gesture to his crotch. you want to make him feel good too.
but he looks away shyly. its embarrassing and pathetic, “i um..,” he sits up with you in his lap.
He doesnt feel hard under you anymore. And then it clicks.
“oh my god did you…”
he blushes furiously and nods, “its embarrassing,” he had cum in his pants the second he put his face in your bare pussy.
“no! no…it’s really…hot,” you reason and he looks less embarrassed. He looks into your eyes then, looks at your pretty little face and he already knows he wants you to be his forever.
“do you want to be my girlfriend?” he asks nervously.
you giggle and nod eagerly, jumping on him, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling into his neck.
hes the luckiest man in the world he thinks. And you both fall asleep, you laying on his chest.
.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.
guys they didn’t actually fuck and i’m SORRY
now….part 4?? hey!!! HEY OKAY IM SORRY!! comment if yall want more ill do a lil short one where buddy ACTUALLY looses his virginity.
taglist:
@iqzo @multy-fandom-lover
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monstersqueen · 2 years ago
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no seriously how am i supposed to resist this mix of resentment and hope and heartbreak and loyalty and history and trust and also murder attempts.
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