#GOD. i hate this stupid fucking country so goddamn much

[paeinovis]

something so fuckin infuriating about the most fascist pieces of shit on the planet accusing people who are against genocide of being fascist when 1. No and 2. That Is All You Have Spouted Your Entire Political Career

[k9divine]

over the phone ⋮ jill valentine x fem!reader

content : phone sex, degradation, squirting, multiple orgasms, needy!sub!jill, dom!reader

an : this is a filler for now :3

"Keep talking."

this was a rare occurrence.

Jill's hand between her thighs, fingers rubbing frantically at her clit under her panties, bottom lip bitten back to will away the noises that wanted to come out of her throat so bad. She thinks you can't hear her, which, is stupid. You obviously can. She tries to mask it with hums. The occasional 'mhmm' and 'uh huh' buzzing through the shitty speaker of her flip phone.

A burner she has to use when she goes on missions.

"Baby?" purrs your sultry tone, fine brow quirked behind the barrier of your screen--you know, if she saw that expression on your face--she'd crumble instantly. Maybe you'll test that out when she gets back.

Your voice snaps her out of whatever daze she was in; breath stilling, fingers pausing between her legs. Shit. She's been caught.

"Uh- yes? I'm listening." she rushes out, rolling onto her back in search of a new angle. She never really liked masturbating on her side. Ever.

"You know I can hear what you're doing, right?"

Oh, God. You're laughing. At her. You're laughing at her- and, even though she hates to admit it, it's turning her on. More so than she already is.

"I- Gosh, I'm so sorry, I can't- I just-" "Relax."

You find it amusing how needy she can be sometimes, especially when she's far away from you. Like now, she's across the goddamn country. In her bed, fingering her pussy to the sound of your voice. So fucking pathetic.

"I'm not mad. Never was.. just keep going, m'kay?" you're making her skeptical, but, she obliges happily. Making quick work of her underwear, tossing them onto the floor, exposing herself to the chilly night air. Her thumb swirls around her clit, red and puffy from endless hours of neglect. It throbs under her touch, hips bucking into her palm as you begin talking her through it; not passing out the chance to throw some names at her. Your whore. Needy bitch.

After all, will you ever get a chance like this again?

"I miss you so much-"

Her whining cuts through whatever else you were just about to say, the hot sounds of her wet cunt echoing in your bedroom. You had her on speaker. Fuck.

"Aw, you miss me? Hm? Is that why you're fucking that greedy little pussy of yours right now?"

That, has her cumming.

Fingers curl into her g-spot, straight up abusing it as squirt gushes out of her clenching hole, toes digging into the sheets-- and by God, is it bliss.

Jill's head rolls back against the stale pillows, back arching off the mattress; she can't bring herself to stop. Drool slips down her cheek, brows pinched tight together, lips twisted into a pleasured scowl. There are tears in her eyes as you start speaking again, complements and insults thrown together all at once. It's making her dizzy.

"I heard that. Don't you dare stop."

Whimpering and huffing, her fingers continue obediently. Free hand cupping over her tit. The one she'd been toying with for a while now, both nipples rock hard. Thighs squeeze around her wrist, thick globs of slick drizzling down her taut anus, creating a puddle beneath her.

"I-i can't, it's- oohhhmmm- it's too much!" she cries out, to nothing, really. She's just straight up babbling at this point.

"Oh, but you can, can't you?" your slurring words spur her on, time after time again. Pulling orgasm, after orgasm, after orgasm. Until she's nothing but a breathless, sweaty, slick covered, mess.

She knew if you were there with her right now, you'd help her clean up. Washing her with a warm cloth and massaging her sore muscles. That's how it would be.

But, since it can't be that way. You talk her to sleep.

Telling her how good she did, how proud of her you were, etc. Anything to help her have a good night's rest before she comes home to you tomorrow.

"Goodnight, honey."

She'll worry about the mess in the morning.

[000life-is-meaningless000]

I've always deeply believed that the moral people people who have high morals are just mentally ill.

if you know anything about life and if you have any even at inkling of fucking intelligence or wisdom you would understand that nature is all about domination.

Nature's, all about Might Makes Right, law of the Jungle & honor among fucking thieves.

people who are base their existence of being moral are nothing more than doing mental masturbation & are seriously sick people.

Moral's do nothing but confuse someone make them weaker make them dumber and make others have to obey by their insanity.

people who are evil so-called sick minded

do the vile stuff like cannibalism warmongering Mass slaughtering beating people who are stupid

Getting extremely violent assholes, these are the people Society deep down hardcore condemns.

( Except Pedophilia, Nothing Good comes from Raping a baby, 😡 )

These are the people that end up doing all the fucking Good I end up fucking saying that with an angel ever killed a demon they'd go to fucking jail.

. . . . . . .

I said that over and over throughout my fucking life because I've always seen good people be hated by Society I've always seen all good deeds get punished.

I've always seen it throughout my entire life I never seen any Fair exchange I never seen any balance of the yin and the yang.

All the good people end up doing all the most horrible evil fucking shit.

think of the Christian crusade so-called pure good people doing the most evil fucking shit think of the Nazis they believe they were pure good people they did the most evil fucking shit.

every goddamn motherfucking time someone pure good pops out they do nothing but pure evil.

and throughout my goddamn life I've also seen cops who believe that they are that they are the law they are the right hand of good many cops there are Christians believe they are the right hand of God a lot of Christian cops believe they are the essence of good they feel like they are angels in a blue or black uniform

( Black = Pure Negative ) - ( aka, Darkness )

And, I Wondered a cops do so much God damn evil throughout Society there's a reason why they're known to be God damn terrorists.

then you have every goddamn country believe they are Good and they really do believe they are good.

then I also throughout my goddamn life seen people try to help the homeless and Society deeply fucking hate's & hurts them !

someone didn't act a fucking good and everyone wanted them to fucking die and they end up probably getting arrested for helping the needy, even though I saw the people doing it they look like fucking demons they were all dressed out and dark stuff they had probably like Gothic piercings and shit they had dark demonic makeup on them or tribal stuff on them and they were trying to help out the fucking needy.

They weren't the ones that got arrested but I just saw like normal people get arrested too.

so any one that gives the homeless people money or food they get arrested ?

at the all kinds of fucking shit go down I've seen all kinds of people who are said to be Pure Evil and dark and demonic and he really do act it they really do behave in that way I feel kinds of sick and twisted Gore on their fucking phone and all kinds of Twisted shit I see Vore, Furry Stuff, Sometime's, Giantess Stuff

&

All kinds of other weird shit from the Deep Web

&

I see all kinds of gothic stuff dark stuff demonic stuff like you can't even believe and I'm not going to go to go threw all the Topic's, But, I seen all kinds of Twisted shit that makes Mortal Kombat look, family friendly.

and the weirdest thing is are those people are sometimes the nicest most open-minded most intelligent most kind most moral motherfuckers ever seen.

But, yet they're who are moral yet their fucking immoral and they just can't baffles for the fucking shit out of Me.

but then you have your everyday mom and Paul fucking average everyday God damn, Joe, who are morally upright and they live their life morally and they're an upright citizen and there's some of the most selfish arrogant dumbass motherfuckers in existence and they're pure fucking evil they don't care about anybody

I've been around the most racist fucking people, and they didn't they they said a lot of nasty stuff but they were still open-minded to the idea of not all black people are bad despite they'll still say the N word to a lot of them ?

world is a strange fucking place,

this is why I always say morals are a mental illness, cuz I want to wrap this up and say the same thing I said to top cuz I want you to read it again

people I see in the life the normies the people who are being morally upright and morally good and moral is and moral that and they shun everything you condemn everything and shame everything and make laws for everything against the big goddamn thing and they fuck everything up with their God damn morals

they limit everybody with their goddamn morals they let no good happen because of their God damn morals cops are always stopping good things from happening because they're God damn morals and laws

A lot of good is literally stopped because of fucking morals ?

🖕🏻 - Fuck, Mortality !

I Don't want to even go through all the times that I fucking seen human civilization do all the most evil fucked up things because of so-called good, let's not forget to fucking mention how many times the government will always say either doing something in your best interest when they're fucking not.

fun fact if the light is so God damn good I date it there at the Sun and not burn out your eyes.

lightning is made up here positive energy and is attracted to negative energy but yeah if you get hit with lightning you're going to fucking, Die !

[youareyoubutwhoareyou]

God sorry I need to ramble for a minute I am so frustrated

I am barely gripping onto recovery rn I am gonna fucking lose my mind. I have an appointment to get weighed etc in just over a week and I'm gonna feel like shit if I don't hit the weight they want in that time regardless of the fact that to do that would be incredibly unhealthy and unsustainable

Literally at least half the weight they want me to lose is what they're going to remove during surgery. if it's really that important how the fuck does that make sense

Truly how the fuck does any of this make sense. You want my body to be fucked up going into surgery? Really? You want deficiencies and even worse fatigue and fog and it literally eating itself? You want me stressed and depressed and obsessive about my body even before the post op depression? That's healthier?? That's going to give a smoother recovery with better results?

It might actually even fuck up my results because I'm almost certainly going to gain the weight back if not more

Study after study after study shows that fat =/= unhealthy, higher risk of complications, etc., that most weight loss methods don't fucking work long term unless you dedicate the rest of your life to it, that losing weight rapidly and going back and forth dieting and not is really fucking bad for you actually

And all this because of some stupid fucking number, some calculation that has been endlessly and rightfully criticised for how much bullshit and how unreliable it is. Somehow it's still held in high enough regard to disregard everything else and say thinner is always better. Always healthier. Always achievable.

I'm just so mad. I was doing well. And now I feel guilty for big portions again. For feeling full, or not feeling full. For cravings and meals out and enjoying food. I'm thinking back to tactics I used all the way back in fucking high school to avoid eating. Ten years ago. I hate this.

It really says a lot how, when I started physio to strengthen muscles so I'm in pain less, a major concern in the back of my mind was that the muscle gain would negate the weight lost. How I'm preparing myself to go to the weighing appointment without eating that day, and not drinking either if I can help it, just to get the number on the scale as low as possible

And the thing is I can't say a fucking word of this to any drs. Not only are they human and inevitably deeply influenced by diet culture etc, but with the current state of trans healthcare in this country I cannot trust them. I cannot say that my mental health is anything other than great for fear they'll shove me on a waiting list for some program for whatever it is and put my transition on hold

I've already waited so long. I'm so close. I would've been referred already and months into a wait list if not for this One thing. It is eating me alive and it will not stop until I get that goddamn referral and I am getting desperate

[freakinhorse123]

i swear to god i am so sick of the trans community being accused of being perverts and nonces over and over and over again by what seems like every fucking person in the goddamn country.

Just when trans people SOMEWHERE were about to have their lives made even the tiniest bit easier westminster had to go and open their stupid money grabbing shit eating trans hating arsehole mouths and veto the fucking scottish gender recognition act. Im so tired.

They are ALL. CIS. THIS WOULDNT HAVE AFFECTED THEM AT. ALL. but they just HAD to hate trans people that much.

FIX THE FUCKING ECONOMY! NEGOTIATE WITH THE STRIKERS- OH WAIT YOUVE TOLD COMPANIES NOT TO! NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR BIGOTRY OR CAPITALISM LEAVE TRANS PEOPLE ALONE.

[super-sayian-kitty64]

I hate how much this could potentially be a reality. Like I actually believe this is something that COULD happen and as someone who is thinking of transitioning it hurts to think about potentially being forced to show everyone that I used to be a man.

I don’t even have facial hair and I haven’t even begun to transition yet, so being forced to wear a false mustache after I transitioned would feel so much worse.

“Hey we know how much you hated your old body, but we’re going to force you to wear a shameful badge of what you never were so you can stop deceiving the masses and poisoning the minds of our youths!”

And even IF I wore the stashe with pride, I’d STILL be ostracized for it.

“Keep your disgusting gayness away from my kids! You’re scaring them!”

Motherfucker I JUST WANT SOME GODDAMN TAKIS!

And the fact that libraries are what’s being closed down to fund this depraved and degrading act and its well-deserved repeal instead of the BLOATED MILITARY or the money we are hemorrhaging towards a FUCKING TERRORIST STATE is just icing on the cake.

God I want to love this country so bad, but these stupid cronies make it SO DAMN HARD!

I want someone to light the White House alight with white phosphorus, burn all of D.C. to the ground.

I want these people gone.

Out of our government.

Out of our country.

Out of our lives.

End of story.

this stupid dream I had

[maleficentfanatic99]

*Cocomelon Extreme Rant*

*Sigh*

*Facepalm*

This show fucking sucks ass, and that show just cringe the shit out of me!!!

Now this is going to be an Extreme Rant on Cocomelon.

WARNING: This post does contain some raging caps, and alot of strong language.

If you don't like this post then don't look at this post, and go look at somthing else.

Because I needed to get this off of my chest about this Atrocious show.

Enough of that, let's get this Extreme Rant started.

*Me getting while my eyes are on Fire while I'm using my Demon Voice* WHEN I'VE WATCHED THIS SHOW FOR THE FIRST FUCKING TIME BACK IN 2022!!!

I FUCKING HATE THIS STUPID ATROCIOUS SHOW AND THAT SHOW MADE MY EYES BLEED AND HAVE SOME HEADACHES TOO!!!

SO THIS SHOW FUCKING SUCKS MAJOR ASS!!!

BEFORE I TEAR THIS SHOW APART DO I HAVE ANY POSITIVE REVIEWS ABOUT THIS SHOW?!?!

NOOOOOOOO!!!

NO I FUCKING DON'T HAVE POSITIVE REVIEWS ABOUT THIS SHOW AT ALL!!!

&

THIS ATROCIOUS SHOW DESERVES SOME NEGATIVE REVIEWS BY THE CRITICS!!!

MY FRIENDS HATES THIS SHOW AND I AGREE WITH THEM!!!

NO LET'S GET TO THE STORY AND CHARCTERS IN THIS SHOW!!!

SO THE STORY IN THIS SHOW IS SO GODDAMN BORNING AND THE CHARCTERS ARE SO FUCKING ANNOYING!!!

Well get to the songs later!

HERE'S THE ONES THAT MADE ME CRINGE IS?!?!

THE INTRO SONG LIKE WHAT THE FUCK!!!

THE INTRO IS SO STUPID AND THEY BE LIKE?!?!

"Me mocking the Cocomelon Intro"

LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! THE INTRO JUST MY EYES BLEED AND GIVES ME ALOT OF HEADACHES TOO!!!

&

NOW LET'S INTO THE WORST THING ABOUT THIS SHOW?!?!

THE WORST THING IN THIS SHOW AND IT HAS TO BE?!?!

THE SONGS!!!

LIKE OH MY FUCKING GOD LIKE THE SONGS JUST RUINED MY CHILDHOOD AND IT MADE ME CRINGE ALOT OF TIMES!!!

I RATHER LISTENING TO METAL, JAZZ, ROCK, CLASSIC ROCK, CLASSICAL, COUNTRY, POP, CLASSIC POP, RAP, CLASSIC HIP-HOP, R&B, REGGAE, DISCO, ELECTRO, AND VIDEO GAME MUSIC BETTER THAN THOSE ATROCIOUS REMAKE SONGS FROM THAT PEACE OF GARBAGE SHOW!!!

*Hearing Descendants 2 in the background*

Sorry guys, it’s just me watching Descendants 2 in the background just ignore it.

So yeah I'll might do a Reviews on Descendants Movies, and TV Series, as soon as I can whatever I feel like it.

THAT’S ALL I WANTED SAY IS COCOMELON IS GOTTA BE THE WORST SHOW EVER I SEEN IN MY MOTHER FUCKING LIFE!!!

&

NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO WATCH DESCENDANTS MOVIES TO CLEAR THE SONGS FROM COCOMELON THE ATROCIOUS SHOW OUTTA MY HEAD!!!

&

I'M GONNA GIVE THIS PIECE OF GARAGE SHOW A 0/10

"IT'S BULLSHIT!!!

*Me shaking while I'm having tears inside of my eye little bit* Oh my god! Why I have to do a Rant and now I’m gonna be stuck with the Negative Reviews.

*Showing Oliver And Company on the Screen*

Huh? What's this?

*Me look at Oliver and Company on the Screen while I'm Suprised with Tears Of Joy*

*ME SCREAMING LIKE A PARROT WHILE I'M TEARS OF JOY* OH MY GOD!!!

YEEEEEEESSSSS!!!

THAT’S MY POSITIVE REVIEW I'LL BE DOING AND THAT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE MOVIES FROM 1980S WILL BE COMING ON SEPTEMBER 1ST AND THAT’S OLIVER AND COMPANY!!!

OH MY GOD YES!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH SCREEN FOR SHOWING MY THE POSTIVE REVIEWS I'LL BE DOING?

*Happy Tears of Joy* So anyways, that's all I have to say for this post.

I'll see you guys later on my Movie Review of Oliver & Company, so until then, peace out everyone.

[mooshkat]

hi im gonna rant abt the way people are reacting to the appalachian floods bc if i don't release it into the void ill scream ♡

i love how in the midst of countless videos about the destruction and loss that the hurricane caused in the appalachia area, there's videos of people Not from this area choosing the worst fucking time to say something.

like im sorry your vacation was canceled and ruined and sure that's a lot of money you're going to have to wait and fight to get back, but why the fuck are you going to get on social media to cry about it meanwhile there's entire fucking towns wiped off the map now. there's god knows how many people missing or trapped or fucking dead because there's no power, no wifi, and no cell service in those areas.

and like as someone who lives close to the gatlinburg/pigeon forge area, i fucking hate tourists. sure it generates a lot of money for the area but i hate it. and there's already people crying in the comments of videos abt the floods and mudslide that happened up there because "they're coming in a few weeks, will it be okay? will things be open? 🥺" dude an entire goddamn house was moved in the mudslide. stay the fuck out of here. and we barely got the brunt of it compared to asheville or erwin or anywhere close to that. people have lost everything from their homes to everything to their fucking names to their lives. fuck your vacation.

and also i hope every blue state liberal who thinks this devastation is "deserved" for living in a red state or that we're "stupid for not evacuationg" deep throats broken glass. there was warning for flash floods, which is normal with how much rain we get. it's as common as the tornado watches here. nobody this far inland expected it to be so bad that there was a dam passing more water in the last few days than the fucking niagra falls does at peak season. also this is the south, more specifically where it was hit was rural areas, and nobody has that kind of money or resources to evacuate like that. and when all we knew was flash floods were likely to happen, where the fuck were they supposed to go?? nobody knew where all that water was going to hit

im just. so angry. every time some natural disaster happens somewhere in the south, the rest of the country has to speak up about how they couldn't give a fuck about us and our lives outside of their vacations because we're all just a bunch of dumb, poor hicks who voted for trump down here, right? get fucked.

[stormswrath]

Political Leanings

I suppose with November fast approaching, politics are damned near impossible to avoid nowadays. I've tried to minimize it popping up on me, but I suppose the only way to avoid it is to not be online. Easier said than done. As to what I think of our presidential candidates, it is not flattering for either one. I am going to vote, and I know who I'm voting for, but I'm going to hate it. I always said voting felt like choosing the lesser of two evils. This is the first time I've REALLY felt that. It's a depressing thought.

For me, I've always felt like my political barometer was left of center. While I am relatively indifferent on a lot of hot button issues, one thing I am very much not indifferent about is how people of different demographics are treated. It is obvious what groups the laws of this country favor, and how people outside of those groups are treated or outright dismissed is disgusting. One thing I will always say is I don't care where you come from, where you live, what your ethnic background is, how much money you have in your bank account, what gods you worship, what you identify as, what you have between your legs, or whose genitals you like having in your mouth. No one is above anyone else, and everyone deserves to be seen and heard. To paraphrase Boondock Saints, do not kill, do not rape, do not steal. These are principles anyone can embrace. Being black doesn't make you a criminal. Being white doesn't make you a racist. Being Latinx doesn't make you a drug dealer or a rapist. Being Asian doesn't make you...whatever bad stereotype comes with that, and being LGBTQ doesn't make you a child molester or groomer. I could go on, but I think I made my point. We are who we choose to be, regardless of where we are on that spectrum.

As I said, that is probably my strongly political viewpoint. I am fiscally conservative. While I think it is admirable wanting to have all these programs for disadvantaged groups, if you don't have the money, you don't have the money. I would give some help to people, but I'm not going to financially screw myself to do it.

Gun rights. I do believe owning guns is perfectly fine. I also believe in regulations to attempt to keep guns from people who shouldn't have them. I understand if someone wants a gun badly enough, they will find a way to get one. Doesn't mean we have to make it as easy as walking into a Wal-Mart and saying "Gun me, please". I also don't understand the need for one person to own a triple-digit number of guns. I know gun collecting is a thing. Historical guns, antiques, things like that. But, when you are like this one guy I've met in the past whose proudest achievement is owning 80 rifles and two dozen handguns...yeah, I'm giving you bombastic side-eye.

Immigration. On one hand, I am all about preventing people from illegally crossing our borders. I mean, if you want to come here, do it the right way. At the same time, I'm not going to forget that these people are exactly that. People. And they deserve to be treated as such. And too many people that cry "illegal alien" need to honest with themselves and admit the "illegal" part isn't the problem with them. Own your bigotry.

The fact that things like climate change, poverty, and Covid are political issues is beyond absurd to me. I mean, come on. You managed to politicize a goddamn pandemic that killed millions. And climate change? You literally see and feel it every day. Sure, maybe you can argue the degree to which we affect it, but to deny its very existence? Well, flat-earthers are a thing, so why am I surprised? To quote the late, great George Carlin; "Some people are really fucking stupid!"

As I said earlier, I could on and on about this. But I won't. It saddens me that people don't vote for the good of the country. We vote because our candidate pisses off people who don't agree with us. We vote because we hope our choice will get rid of people who make us uncomfortable or scared. How many people even still read up on who they vote for? We don't learn who they are, what they believe in, or what their goals are. All so many people care about when they vote is what letter comes after their names. The D or the R.

Ok, I'm done. I still encourage anyone who can vote to do so. I hope, if you do, you take one moment to consider everyone in this country, and not just you and yours. I hope you remember the lessons from the past and take that into consideration. I, for one, would really love to see this country's 250th anniversary.

I want to remember what it means to have pride in our country and ALL of its people.

[p-t-f-s]

forgot it was possible to see sideblog notifs and im. surprised they have followers but then again so does this blog lmaooooooo. i should make vents again. i miss that. no time like the present.

fuck i need to work on my project thats past due and due tonight and if not turned in would drop me to a C but god. i hate this class and dont wanna but im already on my second retake and this time it was genuinely so much fuckin easier. even if the exact same professor bc shes the only one teaching this class did even worse with scheduling and assignment access this semester. and i genuinely have not been this suicidal since fuckin high and middle school. two different points in each. most bc of my middle school insomnia and All That That happened but my high school wasnt much worse considering i was working part time to full time my senior year of high school while also getting my associate's as my mom was kicking me out/to live with my dad in the near the end of the school year bc of me turning 18 and her being "free" of her legal duties to me [she was not bc by our law that SHE AS A FUCKING FEDERAL JUDGE KNEW was till the child of dicerce is 18 and GRADUATED HS DIPLOMA] she was finally free to move to the opposite side of the country/the political problems and backlash of challenging the baked in theosociological power structure of our city. my birthday was march and graduation was june. literal months and she couldnt wait that fuckin long. and so for the months leading up to my birthday and after i had been living out of my car which both my dad bought for me as an agreement between him and my mom as the end of his child support payments to her and so i wouldnt take the public bus after my mom forgot we had to lie to him that i was being driven to school so he would let me get my college degree bc i had to be at community college at 16 in a Large Dangerous City on the Worst Side Of Town. that shit sucked. i was Stressed and goddamn does it suck being an adult living under your own power and money, no matter how feeble, to know that even when situations are technically objectively better you can still be hella fuckin depressed. and fucking obsessive intrusive thoughts do NOT help but fuck do i wish i had the time to call for help to be able to see a fucking doctor for the first time in my life. like an actual full general doctor and getting an actual checkup and not just a walgreens sick note/athletic packet check. only having ever gone after socially pressuring ur dad by asking his gf for advice while hes halfway done in the bathroom so the conversations still going as he exits so SHE can hound on him instead of being brushed off as an anxious teenage girl bc "whats a doctor going to do?" when asked to go to the er. whos insurance ur on bc you asked him months ago while working on moving in and you couldnt go alone without ur guardian but youd been unable to hear from one ear for months after multiple home/self remedy attempts to clear wax blockage assumption. or my mother coming to visit curious as to why i still have acne after turning 18 bc you shouldnt have acne past 18 and making a dermatologist appointment she paid for to help but having previously told me that she didnt believe in getting sick bc she hadnt gotten sick for years.

and now i have about an hour left to work on a partial coding project bc now IT management is apparently the job of accounting now. i get rationally why theyre doing it and why its important but its fucking stupid and i hate it and again its fucking stupid. anyways. heres to hoping that it goes alright ig but fucking kill me and i hate everything but i swear to fuck if i dont get my bachelors next year im going to lose my shit

[beaniehasapoliticalviewpoint]

An Opening Statement:

When impressing myself into the world of politics as a kid, I always thought I’d be the cool motherfucker that’d band people together to fight against an oppressive government and liberate the minority. And then, I realized that

1. People don’t like to listen to other people

2. It’s really hard to get America to stop being lazy

3. There’s more countries than America out there

That third one is a big one, I’d say, and it defines a lot of what makes the world what it is.

“American Exceptionalism is the belief that the United States is either distinctive, unique, or exemplary compared to other nations.” - Donald E. Pease (I think, that’s what Wikipedia said they got the quote from)

You see, I live in a country that loves to suck it’s own dick, and pass around the fruits of that labour by spreading its seeds of “democracy” and “freedom” onto other countries that did not ask. Now, I love my country, I think US propaganda does a great job of making even the most US hating individual feel proud to love this country, and I do in fact feel wonderful every single day knowing I’m a citizen of the country that loves to spout off how free it is. I’m also not blind, it’s also a damn shame what the country looks like now. Shit, let’s be honest, the American government is an absolute cesspool of old dudes jerking each other off and making fuck tons of money doing it, which, by the way, could very easily be cut to go into our economy, but I digress, the American government is at core the fault of our country, and by god thank you for letting us see that, and giving us the option to vote them out- except we don’t. Because no one votes. And when they do, it’s always “vote blue no matter who” or “trump is the best”, stupid shit like that. The solution? Simple. Hell, let’s cut this whole chapter down to two simple words. “Start. Reading.”. It’s that simple. I mean, we literally have the biggest goddamn treasure trove of information ever held accessible to the common man, and y’all motherfuckers use it to argue whether or not trans people should get rights. They should by the way. Because they’re people. Expanding off that, I’m not saying I’m not guilty of the same stupid shit. My heart strings soar when I see some dumb shit confederate get clowned on online. But none of it means anything. I can talk smack all I want on this earth but it’s not gonna make it any greener. We’re members of a generation capable of making the most change, and we have been given the greatest informative platform to do it on. Stop staring at the next controversy when they made Ariel black; who the fuck cares if they removed a gay character from a show. While y’all weren’t looking, they let Florida allow first responders to legally deny medical care at their own whim, based on their beliefs. Imagine if you pissed some motherfucker off in 8th grade when you snitched on him for passing notes in class, and then 10 years later you go to a specialist, the same guy, and he denies you care because he’s a salty motherfucker, and you DIE. Who let this law pass? Certainly not the citizens of Florida, you guys are fucking awesome, but can’t see the obvious issues here.

We, as citizens of the United States, are held victim by our own beliefs and emotions. We impose our own restrictions on ourselves, by acting like the differences in the world is because one side lives a different kind of life. We draw so much attention to the smallest of differences, the pigment of our skin, who we love, who we want to be, and we miss the big picture. It’s not republicans Vs. democrats, the gays Vs the church or the north Vs the south (god forbid that shit happens again), it’s the fucking people Vs the goddamn government, and it always has been. Every distraction from our common goal of uniting against corruption gives more power to the corrupt, and they fucking LOVE it. And no, this isn’t me saying if you think gay people are inherently evil or some shit that’s ok. It’s not. You’re weird. Weirdo. This is me saying theirs a far larger issue at hand that could kill us all, and both of y’all need to shut the fuck up and look around you.

So yeah. I’m trying to be the cool motherfucker that bands the oppressed together against a common enemy. I wish I could. I’d be lying to myself, and you, if I said something like, “I’ve grown”. I haven’t. I’m no better than the person next to me, no greater than the young child behind me or the older folk in front. We’re all equal in a struggle against power. (And NO this isn’t some Marx shit, the economy is a joke and I’ll get to that later) All I’m saying is, we could do with a lot more loving in this world, because shit, that would make me feel a helluva lot better, and I’m sure you would too.

Remember when I said that thing about American Exceptionalism? Promise I didn’t forget about it while I ranted about America. Because it’s wrong. We aren’t special. We’re one empire in the long line of many, not the first nor the last. The entire world is out there, billions of people, millions of cultures, thousands more being made. Many suffering a helluva lot more than my upper middle class in college ass. Many living a lot more luxurious than I am too. Despite us all being the same species we manage to become so different, global divisions of “countries” and “nations”. I can’t speak of the minds of everyone, because I’m not everyone. I can’t say that every single person should act some way, because I didn’t grow up in their shoes, in their home. Everyone lives different lives, everyone lives differently. So why the hell should my country pretend to know what’s best for them. American “global security” is an authoritarian grip on the less fortunate, for our benefit. And only the people can fix that.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #135

Who is your most loved person? Mom and Girt, just in different ways.

Have you ever been bullied? I'm really fucking grateful I wasn't.

Who makes you the happiest? Girt.

What is the most heroic thing you’ve ever done? Uhhhhh... this is bad, I don't know lmfao

What calms you down when you’re upset? What works best for me these days is Girt hugging me really tight.

Have you been betrayed in the past? How? Maybe, idr.

Who do you miss the most? My dog that passed away, Teddy.

What’s one sweet/candy you miss from your childhood? Is this item something you can still buy or has it been discontinued? BABY BOTTLE POPS those bitches were GREAT. I know I've seen them in a gas station before not too many years ago, but idk if they're still around. I just know they're nowhere near as big as when I was a kid.

Do you have a favourite celebrity chef? No.

Do you prefer diamonds or pearls? I honestly find diamonds like, incomparably prettier. Yes, pearls are pretty, but diamonds are stunning.

Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you’re looking forward to? The entire Rammstein fanbase is aware a "Making Of" video is coming sometime soon-ish for the "Dicke Titten" mv which is wildly beloved for how fucking endearingly stupid it is but the sneakpeak clips were shared in like, I wanna say February & by now everyone is ready to corner them with pitchforks lmao who knows when that'll be here, + there's also something being made with things filmed in Mexico but I'm pretty sure the details aren't public. OH AND ALSO the remake for Silent Hill 2 should be out this year and I physically cannot fucking wait. Oh my god wait another thing, like two days ago Markiplier finally namedropped the legit movie he's been working on (Iron Lung, based off a super fuckin cool indie horror game) so that's super exciting, I think I remember him saying it should be out by maybe like the end of the year.

How do you go about finding books/movies/music to read/watch/listen to? Uh... I don't really search for new books, I'm just sticking with WoF right now, I'll only be interested in a movie that I just like happen to see a trailer for, music is mostly YouTube recommendations...

What’s a band/musician you were really into for a while but who you don’t care about or hardly listen to anymore? "Don't care about" doesn't really fit this, but I think the closest to this general description is Metallica. I got into them right after Ozzy, and for most of my life since then I considered them my second-favorite band, and I still love A LOT of their music, but I just barely listen anymore; I haven't listened to any of their new album (I do plan to, I just haven't yet), and I didn't really explore their last one much either. The last one I cared much about was Death Magnetic, and that released in... holy motherfucking shit 2008 are you KIDDING NO GODDAMN WAY

What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? Ummmm I know Girt's shown me songs I wasn't into, but I don't think anything I had that strong a reaction to.

Do you find it difficult to keep up with online friendships? Generally, no; they're easier for me.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? Totally, 100% honest, Sara. We tried friendship so many times since we were around 8 and 10 years old, and it never ended well. We just don't mix.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? Yes.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I wanna go to Alaska but I know Girt doesn't lol, he HATES the cold. Props for ultimately being like "yeah we can" I'm guessing because of how exciting the idea is to me, but a honeymoon destination should be a mutual agreement so I'm not dragging him there. I'm thinking maybe Italy, going to Venice would especially be a fucking dream, plus Rome is in the country too.

What do you think of your parent(s)? I am fully convinced I have the best mother in the world. She's absolutely not perfect, but she is a legend of a mom. My dad always could've been a better father, and I think I'm always going to feel some hurt over how he left my family, but he tries.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would…? I would be extremely fucking concerned and try very very hard to get him to get in touch with a psychiatrist, but seeing as I can't even get this man to agree to going for a yearly physical THAT HIS INSURANCE FULLY COVERS, I am VERY doubtful he'd go for mental health, and if that was the case, I'd turn to his mom and sister.

What’s your least favorite pizza topping? Mushrooms.

What’s your dream pet? The absolute top of the list is probably a high-expression sunset morph ball python, but they are ABSURDLY expensive, like that is absolutely never happening unless they become much more common. More obtainable is a Grammastola pulchra/Brazilian Black tarantula, as well as an Ephebopus murinus/skeleton leg tarantula, I adore both of those. Also one that will very likely never happen because of their rarity in the hobby (and price tag) is a Sonoran coachwhip, famous for their ability to be a gorgeous pink, but I'm very particular in wanting a black fade on it, lol. Odds are very high that you have probably seen this exact snake before, a lot of people unfamiliar with snakes immediately assume it's fake so they've done their rounds online. Fun fact the potential of seeing this exact snake in the wild is a major reason I want to visit Arizona, haha.

Most unattractive male name, in your opinion? To be totally honest there are a lot of male names I really don't like, like Edwin/Erwin/Edward (apparently I just have a vendetta against names that sound like this lmao), Bob, and even Donald, which no, he doesn't know & I don't plan on telling him lmfao this poor guy I hate his real name AND his nickname help

Is your pet dog male or female? She's a female.

Have you or would you try shark meat? No to both.

Do you know anyone that’s pescatarian? Not personally, but a WoW streamer/content creator I sometimes watch is, she's the only person I know of.

Do you think the government has a cure for cancer, but is hiding it from public? At the BARE minimum, they refuse to delve into potential solutions. Cancer and keeping it at bay RAKES in money. I mean honestly, throughout my WHOLE life I've read articles or just heard news about how "it looks like this is capable of curing it," and what happens next? Nothing, you never hear about it ever again.

Do people normally describe you as sexy? God no. The only one who ever does is sometimes my boyfriend and I can't even believe him lmfao

Was your ex born in America? They all were unless you count Juan, who I dated less than a day. He's from Mexico and is now back there.

Has your best friend ever made you cry? He's never meant to, but yes.

Do you still talk to the person you liked six months ago? Yeah, we're still dating.

Has anyone ever talked you into doing something you didn’t want to do? Yes.

Are you smiling in your Facebook profile picture? Yes.

Be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? Or are they actually not worthy of your affections? I don't deserve him, is more like it.

List 5 things that have been on your mind most recently. Job situation, my physical health, wanting to move out/in together with Girt, being excited to get my tattoo finished next month, and photography stuff.

Would you ever wear black lipstick? Do you know anyone who does? In the incredibly rare occasion I have lipstick on, it's black.

If you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark colour or a light? And if you wear mascara, what colour is it? Still black lol, but again I barely ever, ever wear makeup.

Do you combine your socks and underwear in the same drawer? Yeah, seems like most people do.

Does the last person you kissed live within walking distance? No, he lives around 30 minutes away by car.

Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them? Yeah, Girt.

Do you know a girl named Beth? Tell me about her. I know an older woman named Beth; she's the mother of who was once my little sister's best friend, but they moved away when Nicole and Lauren were maaaybe pre-teens. She's actually dealing with the recent loss of her son because of drugs, something that's so mind-boggling to me because I remember this boy as a little, innocent kid. Addiction just doesn't discriminate.

Do you think the last person you kissed has ever lied to you? I suppose it's possible over something small, but I don't think so. We put a lot of focus on honesty in our relationship.

Have you ever been hit on by somebody way too old for you? As a teenager, yes.

First kink tried? Not sharing, crossing a boundary for me.

First time doing oral? I was somewhere around 17, maybe 16.

Do you send nudes? Do you like receiving them? No to either, I am very glad no partner I've ever had has felt the need to do that.

How much teasing do you like? Both people I've been sexual with have called me one and I treat others how I wanna be treated u kno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Are you okay with name-calling in bed? I don't know tbh, not something I have experience with but honestly for someone with my self-esteem and whatnot it's probably better that I never find out.

How often do you do unprotected sex? I am unwilling to ever do that unless we've made the confident decision that we want to have a kid.

Do you like wearing/seeing people in lingerie? I don't wear and never have worn it but bitch lingerie is ALWAYS hot what the fuck homie

Are stockings/thigh-highs a turn on? BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITCH

How many other people know your bra size? hunny I don't even know my bra size 😭

Do you have any friends you’d sleep with? No.

Does the person you like have any flaws? Of course he does, everybody does. They're non-deal breaker flaws I've chosen to accept.

Has anyone ever given you a ring? Why? Jason did for one of our anniversaries, I think either the second or third. It wasn't a promise or engagement ring, just a pretty ring. I remember the gem broke off pretty quickly and this man was so mad lmao, I actually kept the frame of the ring (I lost the jewel) for a very, very long time, I'm talking 'til like maybe this past year, but I eventually didn't even want it as a memory anymore.

Creation theory, evolution or the Big Bang theory? Well I mean the last two generally go hand-in-hand, but I do have to admit I'm not totally sold on the "everything exploded from condensed nothingness" theory, but I 100% believe in the evolution of life forms. I'm completely uncertain of what I think the very origin of the universe is, especially when you consider I don't believe in a god, either. I don't necessarily refute the BBT either though, I tend to trust scientists with weighty degrees that actually study this shit for a living.

What was your last serious conversation about? Well, I found out last night Girt's last remaining grandparent/his mom's mom has cancer, and she's absolutely too weak for chemotherapy, so. I was talking to him about tagging along the next time he goes to see her. I just kinda randomly thought about her (I already knew she wasn't well) and realized it'd be nice to meet her before she, y'know.

Have you ever been into a real cave? No, but this is a MAJOR adventure goal!!!! Girt recently learned that I wanna do this and his reaction was priceless, the "YOU ARE ALLOWED IN THE MOUTH OF A CAVE PEOPLE LITERALLY DIE THERE BLAH BLAH BLAH" was so immediate, too bad bitch I'm goin spelunking

Have you ever posted mean comments on YouTube? I know I did once as a kid lmfao help this child or smush her like a bug idc

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Uh probably the first Silent Hill. It took SO much reading and lore videos to understand lmao. I really do hope they remake the OG game one day, like don't get me wrong, I ADORE it, but so much could be improved ((((DAHLIA'S VOICE ACTING)))), including with just making the story easier to understand without actually changing the story (I'd be pissed and so would the entire horror game fanbase).

Who was the last person to play with your hair? Are they cute? Girt, yeah he mad cute

Who was the last person close to you that died? Did you cry? Jason's mom, and I cried for days on end after Mom told me. She's the only human person that I've lost to death that was truly a painful loss for me, like it was personal. All other people I've known who have died I either very, very barely knew or in my maternal grandmother's case, hated.

Do you know anyone who uses medical marijuana? I mean I might, but if they do, they're sadly having to do it illegally because even medical usage is illegal in NC. Piece of shit state <33333

Do you know anyone who’s died in childbirth? Thank god I don't, this is such a heartbreaking topic to me. I was actually worrying about my friend Bethany who just gave birth while dealing with a severe case of the flu; it looks like things got a bit scary, but thank all the stars in the fucking sky she's home safe with her family now. She was so heartbroken because her daughter was brought home before she was able to come with.

Do you agree with the “they’re just being kids” excuse? This WILDLY depends, like I hope that's obvious. Kids playing make-believe and making a mess in the mud outside? That's "just being kids," but things like picking on others and such absolutely is not.

Have you told your parents all of your secrets from when you were a teen? No. My mom has cryptically commented that she "knows" a lot of things which is terrifying lmao but idk what exactly.

What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I'm not at all sure, I don't really think she's ever called me a bad name...

What’s your stance on spooning? I like it because it makes me feel safe and loved, I am That Bitch hunched over dying when Girt rolls away lmao, not in like a genuinely offended way or anything though, he sleeps way better facing away with more space.

Do you currently want a new computer? Nah, mine's fine.

How would your parents react if you got a tattoo? Neither would care; they both are aware of how much I love tattoos and plan to get dozens more. I seem to remember my dad being caught off-guard/seeming a bit nervous when I told him I got a tattoo the first time, though.

Who is your truest friend? Girt. He's honestly the greatest friend I've ever had, as far as being a genuine friend goes.

Who is your oldest friend? Sam, he's gotta be near 40 now.

How long have you known them? Uhhhh I can't remember the exact year, but I know Jason and I were still together when we "met" (we've been WoW buddies for a very long time, used to play all day somedays voice chatting together). I'm gonna guess like... *around* 2013-2014? I'd really like to meet him and his wife one day, he's always treated me like his little sister and honestly it was interactions with him that helped me get through 2016. At least I had someone to talk to/stay preoccupied with. If I'm not mistaken his wife's actually pretty big on the makeup side of TikTok now, which is great for her because she's never been able to work because of health reasons.

Where are they right now? Uh, they live in New Jersey. I'm assuming he's home because my b.net app says he's playing Call of Duty right now.

Have you ever dated a friend of one of your siblings? Omg no, that'd be weird. Girt actually (very vaguely) knew Ashley before he knew me, but they were never friends beforehand.

Have you ever dated someone who had a child? No, and I'd prefer not to.

What has been your biggest failure in life? Not loving, respecting, and taking care of myself properly, honestly.

Do you trust yourself? lol no, I change my mind too much for that shit

Would you ever consider getting an abortion, under any circumstances? Yes, I would get an abortion in any case where I didn't want a child.

What was the last bug you killed? An ant in the house. I generally try to avoid killing bugs, but ants in the house are not okay.

Do you prefer profile pictures by yourself of with someone else? You know, I think I've always used ones where it's just me.

Has a boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s parents ever gotten mad at you? Why? Probably at some point with either Jason or Sara.

What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. Omg idk if this is THE funniest, but it's the most recent really funny one that I remember: my 8-year-old niece Aubree literally going, "Why do you need a boyfriend at your age?!" when Girt was with me at their house, like GIRL your mother is TWO years older than me with three children & I am a grown-ass woman 😭 I love that girl to death.

[artemis-pendragon]

I don't think you get to decide what I do or don't support, espeically when I have been putting as much money as I can into donating, buying esims, promoting gofundmes, and lending my bank account to donation drives that require a US bank account as I can since the latest war on Gaza began. I am listening to what actual minorities in my life who have lived through the presidencies of men much less dangerous and unhinged than Trump are saying about it. Fuck Biden. Fuck him. He's a war criminal and completely irredeemable. I am not voting for him because of who he is, I am voting for whoever will not continue to stack the goddamn Supreme Court against minorities for a second term. Have you read Project 2025 dude? Shit is scary as fuck. I hate every option but letting Trump just have the presidency is stupid and irresponsible. God. Please don't put words in others' mouths or make assumptions based on what shitty choices we have to make in a political system where we literally have no chance of a third party winning. It's just not possible, because this shithole country founded on inequity and inequality won't allow it without some serious political restructuring. And we cant get that done between now and November. Biden is a fucking genocide enabler and participant but Trump wants Gaza burned to the ground. Gone. No line he won't cross. In fact he will gleefully cross them all. Remember how he literally proposed a "Muslim ban"? Please please please please don't let the rhetoric spread by Russian and Chinese bot farms get to y'all. I hate Biden so much. I hope he dies literally today. But if it's between him and Trump what else am I meant to do??? Let MAGA have the country???

Guys. Look at me. You guys. We have to vote. I know we're all sick of the two party system. But we have to vote. And we have to tell our family and our friends and our coworkers and our distant acquaintances and anyone who will listen to vote. I am so serious. Project 2025 is a fucking shit show. We literally have to vote.

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Let Me See Inside - Ch. 1

Series Summary: Can Rae help Ben find what he's looking for?

Chapter Summary: Ben is trying to keep a low profile, and ducks into a little bar, but finds something else entirely inside.

Warnings/Explicit 18+: Some objectification of a woman, some show level violence. Cursing. Some angst.

Pairings: Soldier Boy (Ben) x Rae Stewart (OFC)

Word Count: 2K+

A/N: So, I won't say much about this series yet because I don't want to give away spoilers. But suffice it to say, I was unhappy with SB's ending on the show, so I needed to continue the story and change the ending. Hope you guys enjoy!!

A/N 2: This chapter will also fulfill one of my prompts for the 30 Day Writing Challenge. The prompt used here will be: Use the words, small town, bar, and jukebox.

Series Master List || Soldier Boy Master List || Main Master List

Tag Lists

Ben walked quickly down Wadsworth Avenue towards 189th Street. He kept his stolen baseball cap pulled low, eyes on the ground. The last thing he needed was to be recognized.

He needed to get somewhere safe and rest for a bit. After everything at the compound he was a little tired. He'd been walking for more than eight hours, from the compound where he was being kept in a small town in New Jersey, all the way into New York City. He just needed half an hour to recharge.

He spotted a little hole in the wall bar and smiled darkly. Recharge and rehydrate with something that might burn away the noise in his head. He needed a little numbness too.

He pushed through the door, glad to see there were fewer than a dozen people inside. He pulled his hat off automatically out of an old, ingrained habit. Gentlemen removed their hats when they entered an establishment.

He thought of putting it back on but then ran his hand through his hair and shrugged. He seriously doubted anyone in this dark, lonely bar was going to recognize him, especially not in jeans and a t-shirt.

A sad country song was playing on the jukebox in the corner and Ben grimaced. God, he hated that whiny, hillbilly shit. Give him some Nina Simone singing something soft and sultry over that crap any day of the week.

He walked up to the bar and sat down as the bartender approached with a wide smile.

"Hi there."

Shit, she was pretty. Bright blue eyes, strawberry blonde hair and tits like ripe melons. The rest of her body was perfect too, curvy and squeezable.

Fuck, he really didn't have time for distractions.

He smiled at her as he sat down and she came a little closer.

"Kinda looks like you've had a rough day." She sympathized. He liked her voice, it was low and husky.

Ben barked a laugh without humor. "You have no idea, sweetheart."

He shook his head. "Rough day, rough week, year, rough forty fucking years...goddamn rough century."

He ran his hand over his face and then caught her look of confusion mixed with polite concern. He pushed a hand through his hair again and chastised himself.

Stop talking, asshole! You wanna get caught?

He waved a hand towards her. "Don't worry about it, honey. Just give me something dark and hard."

She turned her back to him to pour the drink, and he took the opportunity to check out her ass. Fuck it was perfect, bite-able.

Eyes on the prize, fucker. He reminded himself.

She turned back and handed him his drink, and then rested her elbows on the bar, framing her tits and putting them on display in her little scooped-neck t-shirt. He knew she was aware of what she was doing, there was a glint of something calculating in her eyes.

"Wanna talk about what went wrong?" She asked. "That's what I'm here for."

That's not what you're here for, baby. He wanted to tell her. You're here to be fucked stupid; that body was made to be ridden hard by someone who knows how. Those tits and that ass are here for my enjoyment.

But he didn't say any of that. He really didn't have time to follow through with the flirtation. But, Jesus Christ, was he tempted.

As he fought down his libido, the bartender pulled back slightly and frowned. "Hey you look familiar."

Ben felt a lurch in his gut and he clenched his jaw.

Her eyes widened slightly and he knew she'd figured it out.

"Oh my god!" She said excitedly. "You're Soldier Boy."

Fuck.

He really didn't want to have to kill this pretty little thing. So before she could draw too much attention, he grabbed hold of her wrist and shook his head. His eyes held a dark, dire warning.

"No, I'm not, sweetheart. And if you know what's good for you, you'll realize you're mistaken."

She nodded quickly, eyes as wide as saucers, shock filling them. He kept his steely gaze on her a moment more before he let go of her wrist and took a sip of the whiskey she'd poured for him.

She moved away and began wiping down the counter. He sensed her taking sneak peaks at him as she cleaned the already spotless bar.

Eventually she slid back down the bar to stand in front of him. "I promise I'll never tell anyone. But...I heard you died. What happened."

Ben stared up at her, surprised, a little pleasantly, by her boldness. But he shook his head. "It's a very long story, sweetheart."

"It's Rae." She said with a smile. "As opposed to sweetheart and honey."

He stared up at her again, and an itchy kind of prickle flashed over his skin. His instincts were standing at attention and he frowned at her. Something was snagging in his brain, telling him something was off.

He looked down at the whiskey in his hand. "What ah...what brand is this?"

Rae looked confused for a second. "Oh, um..." She looked around her, and turned the label on the bottle towards her. "It's Cragganmore."

Ben stared hard at the beautiful face in front of him and felt disappointment creeping in. But he let out a small chuckle.

"Huh...you got the flavor wrong. Cragganmore is a Scotch whisky, and Scotch whisky has a smokier flavor. What you've got here is sweeter, more like a bourbon."

He watched a flicker of something like fear come and go from her expression and he cursed his shitty luck. He was gonna halve to kill her after all.

He leapt across the bar and slammed her into the back counter, smashing bottles and cracking her head against the mirror.

He wrapped his hand around her throat and she immediately started clawing the back of his hand, desperate for air.

He did not let up on the pressure. "Get out of my head, bitch."

She was shaking her head, mouthing something and he finally let go of her throat enough that she could suck in a bit of air and speak in a gargled raspy voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He smashed her head against the mirror again and watched her eyes roll back as she was once again deprived of oxygen.

"Bullshit! I've seen Mindstorm at work, I know what it feels like to be trapped in your own head. And if this isn't some fucked up scene you're projecting into my brain, why has the same shitty country song been playing on the jukebox this whole fucking time?"

He looked over his shoulder briefly and laughed again, squeezing tighter. "And I gotta say these bar patrons are pretty fucking calm about the fact that I'm about to choke the bartender to death "

He shook her by the neck like a ragdoll. "Now, who the fuck are you and why are you doing this? Who do you work for?"

He let up a bit again and she began coughing harshly through her abused vocal cords.

"Ben." She said, throat raw sounding. "Ben, please calm down. I'm here to help you. I promise. But I need you to calm down and...

Her eyes went wide at something behind him, but when he looked, there was nothing there.

"No!" She yelled out hoarsely. She waved her arm towards something he couldn't see. "Don't. I'm fine. DON'T!"

Suddenly he could feel a mask being placed over his mouth, and taste the poison on his tongue. But there was still nothing physical to fight. He struggled wildly, blindly, desperate not to be returned to that place of endless nightmares.

But it was inevitable, he'd never been able to free himself once the toxin started doing its work.

His last view just before his eyes closed was of the pretty little bartender's face, and she was incredibly angry.

She looked sexy when she was mad.

***

Rae ripped the delicate sensory monitor from off her head and threw it aside, not giving a shit that she might damage the tech that cost the American government millions of dollars.

She watched the guards in their Hazmat suits lifting Ben off the ground to safely store him away in the cryo-chamber until their next try.

She stormed out of the small, hermetically sealed room she conducted the sessions from, and headed down the sterile white hallways until she reached the office she was looking for.

She slammed into the room without knocking.

"Goddamn it Mallory, you said you wanted me to use my powers to build bridges in Soldier Boy's mind, to lay groundwork that will let us try to undo whatever shit the Russians did to him, right?"

Lieutenant-Colonel Grace Mallory sat behind her desk, fingers steepled against her chin, and said nothing.

Rae clapped her hands as though she was trying to wake her. "Hello? That's right, isn't it? I mean that was the objective? I didn't misunderstand the assignment did I?"

Mallory shook her head. "No, you didn't."

"Okay, well I can't build any fucking bridges if your bloody goons come tearing in to gas him every ten fucking minutes." Rae fumed, fists balled up at her sides

Mallory's voice was calm and it annoyed Rae. "My men said that he was headed towards going nuclear. They said the Geiger counter was climbing fast."

Rae rolled her eyes. "If they'd just stayed away, I could have talked him back down."

She sighed deeply and flopped down into the chair in front of Mallory's desk. "You know it gets harder every time we have to start over again, because his subconscious remembers. And for someone like Be-"

Rae cleared her throat. "For someone like Soldier Boy, whose instincts are razor sharp...well, he's caught on so fast the last few times. This time he barely even sat down before he started to get suspicious."

Rae ran both her hands over her face. "By the way, remind me to buy a bottle of Cragganmore so I can memorize the taste and send the right flavor into his brain next time."

Mallory got up and walked over to the small wooden cabinet in the corner of her office and pulled out a bottle of the scottish whiskey.

"I can save you the expense."

She poured them each two fingers and brought them back to her desk. She slid the tumbler towards Rae and raised her glass.

"Slàinte Mhath!" She said in Gaelic before sipping it slowly.

Rae took a sip of hers and it burned a path down her throat, causing her to grimace.

She was quiet a moment before she continued, her voice soft. "You know all he sees are nightmares when he's in that fucking tube. He's not resting peacefully, he's in one long, endless nightmare. It's all death and blood. And people screaming so loud I can hardly stand to be inside his head."

Mallory's expression was troubled for a moment before she downed the rest of her whiskey. "Look, Stewart, I didn't recruit you for this job so we could coddle Soldier Boy's fragile psyche back into a sense of harmony."

She leaned back in her chair and steepled her fingers again. "Homelander has got Ryan and he's going to hurt him one way or another. As long as he's with that maniac, Ryan is not safe. And I swore to myself that I wouldn't let anymo-".

Mallory dropped her hands, rubbing her palms against her thighs. Her voice was dipped low, but vehement as she continued.

"I swore I wouldn't let any more children die."

Rae could practically see the unbending determination slide back into Mallory's backbone.

"And Soldier Boy is still the only one capable of taking out Homelander. So we need him. But we need him whole, we need him on our side, and we don't need him going nuclear any time he gets stressed."

Mallory leveled her gaze at Rae. "Which is why I need you to keep trying. Try to get through to him, try to de-program whatever the Russians did to him, and let's get our weapon up and running"

***

Ben walked quickly down Wadsworth Avenue towards 189th Street...

...he needed to get somewhere safe and rest for a bit.

He spotted a little hole in the wall bar and smiled darkly. Recharge and rehydrate with something that might burn away the noise in his head. He needed a little numbness too.

As he entered, he smiled at the sound of Nina Simone's sultry voice crooning out of the jukebox in the corner. One of his favorites.

He walked up to the bar and sat down as the bartender approached with a wide smile.

"Hi there."

[1016anon]

Title: I Want You to Stay Author: 1016anon Fandom: Bridgerton/Ice Dancing Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton/Kate Sharma Summary: He's not ready to let her go.

A/N - This is all penny_loaf's fault. Angst. Hoping to write a series, but we shall see. Also, entire fic is based on this video of Virtue Moir. And yes, Wuthering Heights.

They've practiced this goddamn routine, they've performed it before audiences at other galas, he's always hit his choreo marks meant to play up his relationship with Kate, the ones he was stupid enough to fall for. There's only so many times you can press your forehead and stare into the eyes of the girl-- woman-- you've spent all your waking hours with since you were nine and she was seven.

There is no one on earth who knows him better-- there is no one on earth he knows better-- than her, and they're meant to be retiring to go out into the real world to do god knows what, but fuck it-- he's not ready to let her go.

It's the fucking Olympics.

And it's different.

It's not even about the medal and how much he hates Rimsky-Korsakov now. They're going to go home, do all the press, play up their relationship for the good of the country-- or maybe the truth is that he no longer knows what is performance and what's real. He's always on. He supposes he should be thankful he can still read her well enough to know when the play-acting they're doing is exhausting her.

She soldiers on. They always do.

They're together in this. They've always been together on this.

But now they're going to pretend they're going to stay together after retirement when what's really going to happen after all the press settles is that she is going to India.

Permanently.

She told him, the morning after their medal.

They're in this together and she didn't tell him.

He had no idea what to say to that, so he just... didn't say anything. Stared at her blankly, then acted like she hadn't said anything. He was about to pull their suitcase out to pack-- she got first shower, it's how it's always been-- because they probably had a flight to catch, then remembered: they're at the Olympics. They're supposed to enjoy their stay, go watch the Austrians sweep all the medals in giant slaloms, or something.

They agreed to retire. He thought she'd at least stay in the same country. They'd had plans of going to university-- he was there when she'd opened her acceptance letter. Yes, different universities, not the same university-- it wasn't his idea but his mother had said something about codependence, as though it wasn't her who engineered their entire career. Different universities but if he needed to see her, she was half an hour away, without traffic and breaking all the speed limits.

He knows this because one night he had a panic attack and he had to know.

She was, of course, in the passenger seat next to him, hand in his because if they're not in bodily contact in some way, shape, or form, for more than five seconds, they get points deducted.

Now, it's all he can think about.

It's the fucking Olympics, they're retiring, and she's going to India.

So yes, he fucking hits all his choreo marks and then some; this is going to end up on youtube in all the fanvids about how they're soulmates and he can't keep his eyes off her but he doesn't care.

It bothers her. It's always bothered her that the general public-- not only skating enthusiasts-- speculate and ask invasive questions about the nature of their relationship. He tones it down for her, but he's always been happy to demonstrate to the world that she's the other half of him.

He can't help stare at her with far more emotion than he should on international television while the lyrics say if you dare, come a little closer, her not meeting his eyes but hesitantly taking his outstretched hand and putting herself in the circle of his arms, delicately touching his inner elbow, chest, until her fingers finally come to rest on the back of his head.

She doesn't comb her fingers through his hair.

It's devastating, despite the Olympics.

She's the other half of him and she's going to India.

He holds her head a little too intensely.

The song was supposed to be about them retiring, not about her leaving him.

But there are some things he does automatically when they're not in competition-choreo mode and right now, he's not in competition-choreo mode. He brushes away strands of hair from her face; she hates it when it gets stuck in her mouth after a lift.

Throughout their routine, she has her damn performance smile on, keeps her eyes half lowered and won't look at him; while he knows he can't keep everything he's feeling off his face. He's gotten better, by necessity, but he knows he's got his jaw clenched and his eyes are too intense.

He trails his hand down the bare skin of her arm, shoulder, spine, then over the flimsy pink material of her costume, the divot of her hipbone only he can feel, the curve of her ass, and god, she's not wearing tights-- he knew, but it means something different when his hand meets her cold bare skin down her thigh, calf, never losing contact until he's pulling her by her skates, backwards, into him, inhaling her scent when she's fitted perfectly under him.

All the other lifts they do take their skating to the next level; it's one of their hallmarks, how technically innovative and dazzling and fast they are. This one, however, is one of his favorites-- the feeling of her hanging onto him, body pressed up against his back, warm breath on the back of his neck.

The song says not really sure how to feel about it--

Anthony knows exactly how he feels about it when he stares back at her and puts his hand out for her to take, deliberate and tense and waiting for her to return to him.

Obviously she takes his hand.

In the end, it's her putting her forehead to his (for the goddamn choreo) that makes him pull himself together. He doesn't lie back down on the ice; it feels too much like lying down to die. He's able to give audiences (and the camera) and appropriate happy-to-be-at-the-Olympics smile, not his my-world-is-falling-apart smile.

Because he soldiers through it. That's what he does. That what they do, except apparently now there is no they, only Anthony Bridgerton and Kate Sharma, not the portmanteau he's always secretly loved: Kathony.

People always want to know if they're in a romantic relationship and Anthony, to be honest, doesn't know and more importantly, doesn't care. She's part of him, he's part of her; he doesn't know who he is without her and he knows it's the same for her, so how can she go to India?

Or perhaps the idea is that she wants him to come to India with her? Of course he'll go to India with her. They have ice rinks in India, he's sure. Fuck it, he'll start the process of becoming a naturalized citizen if that's what it takes but she cannot leave him.

This is more than wanting her to stay. This is far, far more than codependence; it is a borderline enmeshment of personality. Of his time on earth, from his birth to present day-- including hours for sleeping-- he has spent more than seventy percent of his life with her.

There is no Anthony without Kate, there is no Kate without Anthony. She refuses to allow him to come with her to India, hoping to salvage something of herself when Anthony knows the truth:

There is not enough to salvage.

For both of them, that point of no return passed long ago. If they had different personalities, if their parents had encouraged stronger boundaries, if they hadn't been isolated from all their siblings for the sake of becoming the greatest of all time and a collection of round medals; if their parents had learned that children are not a second chance for parents to fulfill their lost childhood dreams-- perhaps Anthony and Kate could have built lives of their own.

But they didn't.

So here they are.

She is leaving him, will not allow him to follow, and he knows this as surely as he knows her name: even if she comes out of this a healthy, whole, entire person-- he will not.

Anthony is Kate, as his own being.

She is all he has.

And he is never listening to this goddamn Rihanna song again.

[0aurelion-sol0]

SNK keeps on being amazing. ( A rant that is not really one. )

133.

Just this panel alone is able to confirm everything that I wanted from this manga.

Eren's condition has always been what I suspected.

Ever since he sided with his brother Zeke, who manipulated Marley in attacking Eldia to retrieve the founder and other titans. Something THEY DIDN'T WANT TO DO, because they were being pressured by many other countries and were not as powerful as before due to their lack of powerful weapons like the ones in the Middle Eastern Alliance which were able to PIERCE through the fucking Armored Titan.

THIS resulted in the fucking festival and we know what happened then. Dozens of people died including children continuing the cycle of hate that has been started for god knows how long. And Eren WILLINGLY took a part in it because he wanted his actions to be a little easier while he was going to genocide the whole fucking world.

INCLUDING his own island because let's be honest when Eren is done with the Rumbling, destroying every ecosystems. EVERYTHING that keeps a planet alive, his little island won't live for long.

"The ground... It's crying." CHAPTER 131 said by one of the goddamn kids he fucking killed.

Marley is now sure, let's fucking kill all Eldians.

He did his attack on Liberio, he betrayed everyone. Crushing Hange's every possibilities of finding a peaceful way of settling things down after having been hidden MANY useful informations by Eren, Zeke and his group but also the Azumabitos.

Sparking a civil war inside Eldia, leading to an Eldian supremacist group cause let's be honest when Floch killed that Marleyan and than gave his little first king Fritz speech, it was like seeing Hitler all over again and the Klux Klux Klan.

I MEAN... FLOCH OF ALL PEOPLE! A guy who has PTSD after seing dozens of his comrades died, their faces exploded by fucking thrown rocks. He bastardized Erwin's ideologies and no matter how good willing he was, he was just a dead man walking acting like a fool.

He also betrays his own party now, the Jeagerist by allowing the very people they tried to stop the power to stop him. By activating the Rumbling, he also caused the death of Eldians inside the walls as we've been shown with Hitch.

AND THE WORST... destroy every connection he has with his friends. Hurting them, putting them in danger by the very group he created and the Titans.

Oh but that's not all...

He uses the titan the same way Marley did it, with oppression and violence. He is not stopping the cycle of hate, he is continuing it. And it will have repercussions inside the very group of people he tried to defend.

People killed each other inside the walls and they will kill each other without it. Mikasa as shown us that when her parents got murdered and she almost became a slave.

And he killed Hange with these same titans. I don't care if they sacrificed themself. He didn't live up to what he preached. They died and Hange was someone close to him and was concerned with his well being. Maybe it was too late but they also had many other priorities as Hange was commander. They also fell into depression because of their position. One of his mentors and friends, one who tried to talk with him while he was in that cell planning to destroy the world...

talking to himself...

At this point, you know where I'm going with this. We've all suspected it, we all know it. Let's not be blind about it.

Eren is influenced by the Attack Titan. Not Ymir (at least I hope so and I think so), not Kruger and certainly not Grisha.

It's pretty clear now.

I mean Eren's change happens off screen, every time we see him he is completely different from what we used to know of him.

He barely cares about his friend and don't give me the bullcrap of (hE dOeS tHiS fOr tHeM.) If he was he would have secured them and put them in a place where they wouldn't interfere, he would have tried to convince them. HE WOULD HAVE COMMANDED FLOCH NOT TO HURT THEM.

He would have not commited genocide after knowing what it led to with Reiner, Annie and Bertholt.

That's not Eren. And the stupid argument of "hE's aLwAyS bEeN vIoLeNt". That's just bullcrap and it just destroy every bit of beautiful empathy we have seen of him. With Mikasa, Armin and Historia. Levi who he respected a lot.

It just isn't coherent. Every action he does is not coherent since the timeskip.

NOW HE'S CHALLENGING HIS FRIEND ? WTF ?

I mean is no one questionning this, doesn't it seem off from what we've seen of him.

Eren is no strategist BUT... he isn't stupid. Every sane person would know that these actions will not benefit anybody.

But... they still happened.

If we look back again, here is Eren being positive trying to put Armin in a good mood.

The outside world... endless possibilities. It's a man who wonders.

Yet, AT THE RIGHT MOMENT... he has a flashback of Faye. And his face just change.

Isn't it just weird ? Like at the right moment where he can have a positive outlook on thing. NOPE.

And this has been going and going and going...

Here:

Chapter 130.

Eren arrives in Liberio what does he see.

A flashback of his mother's death

I mean it's pretty clear now.

_________________________________________

Eren has been influenced and convinced by the Attack Titan that there's no way out. He's been reliving past memories of his and others, past memories that were traumatic. It put him in a state of depression and dread through 5 FUCKING YEARS. On top of that, he is able to see the future and what he saw will happen and has happened hence his reaction to Sasha's death.

A fucking mental breakdown.

Jesus Christ, I don't know if I've ever cursed that much in my life.

It's impossible to stop what is going to happen, because what is going to happen, needs to happen.

But as we know Sasha is in the afterlife with Erwin, Hange and the others. And we have been confirmed that this is the afterlife. So we have time-travelling, afterlife, 13 years curse, people who can turn into titans, parallel dimensions and Eren who can see through birds.

But the fandom said, no, the prospect of him being manipulated by the Attack Titan is impossible even after knowing it has special abilities.

I MEAN...

Umm... This has happened before. And I saw no one complain.

So why this ?

Is impossible ?

Especially when Eren's whole arc is about questionning his perspective of the world and becoming in control of his violence and rage. Having an agency. HELLOOOO!!!????

What better way of having the main threat of that being the very thing that causes all of his problems and his powers.

Doesn't this remind anyone of anything ?

Yep. The Uprising Arc. And who ? Historia, the girl whose all life, she couldn't act as herself or have any real agency.

Yes, you know the girl whose pregnant and decided to live the rest of her life Little House On The Prairie style. ( I mean I don't think it's her but... that's what it's looking right now. )

And who is a descendent of Ymir Fritz. With too much uncanney similarities between the two.

They could have said the Founder, Eren Jeager or something else but no they said... "It's the Attack Titan."

And it's not Ymir, if she was the one to control Eren. Why wouldn't she free herself on her own if she's able to do that ?

And in 131, she was clearly in a position where she was questionning her choice.

And perhaps she probably tried to stop Eren but the Attack Titan took over him and her. Using her powers as she is the founder.

And now just like Eren, she has no eyes. She is still a slave. Why ? I thought Eren freed her. So ? This is the only logical explanation right now.

I mean when is the last time we saw Eren.

He was sleeping inside his titan in 131. Having a dream about seeing his "sight" of freedom as a kid. And also potentially watching things with birds.

It's just weird. If he was fully in control, the characters wouldn't have questionned it and none of this weird shit would be happening.

He clearly doesn't have a free will.

This requires too much energy and Eren is a normal Eldian, not one of Royal Blood. Being both in Paths, watching this " sight ", communicating, watching with birds, moving his titan which is enormous and the thousands of colossal titans is clearly hard and too dangerous for only one person to do.

Isayama has fooled us all and me in the process.

All this time, it was that goddamn thing pulling the strings. And with the help of Isayama since he is the goddamn author of this series

In chapter 88, we learn the true meaning of Shingeki No Kyojin.

The beauty of the japanese language, as confusing as it is, can be translated by Attack On Titan, at least for us american and western audiences.

( yes because as someone pointed out in the comments, it's a mistranslation but since I don't understand how to give credit by linking because I don't understand how it works, i can't credit. So you can find the person in the comments. DO NOT JUDGE ME, tumblr is not the best place to post sometimes. )

But it's not the Attack on Titan anymore.

It's the Attack Titan.

( piece of shit is it's surname. )