#GOD I’m going so insane right now
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I have so many feelings about Varania it’s not even funny
#like what was her relationship with Leto like????#given that she’s a mage; I imagine she was treated as being slightly above the average slave growing up#personally I think their mother was thus more protective of Leto bc he didn’t have an innate ability that inspired respect however small#and also I think their mother was very anti magic bc magisters and all that#I don’t think their mom was straight up hateful to her but I do think varania could always feel it#and then how do you compete with your darling brother essentially sacrificing himself to save you and your mother?#your mother who would be overcome with grief who you now have to provide for#thinking about it now this. this sounds like mage hawke with leandra after Bethany dies#GOD I’m going so insane right now#anyways I think her character was underutilized#da2#dragon age#Fenris#varania
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A portrait of Sir John Herschel because I‘m normal about Pulp Musicals
#yall don’t understand this took so long- amongst the five different versions this went through it took a total of 22 hours#and it’s finally done#god I love sir John Herschel#truly THE guy ever#it’s crazy because I started this way back in the beginning of April and finally picked it back up on Wednesday right before they announced#pulp 4 which I’m so fuckin excited about by the way#oh my god it’s going to wreck me I’m so pumped#and now I gotta get ready for pulp fortnight#but yeah I really wanted to draw him and I wanted to try something more elaborate that some of my typical stuff#I was going to do the shit where artists do the shading in greyscale and then overlay the flat colors but I decided fuck that#because I like to enjoy drawing and as I found out I DO NOT enjoy that#also for some reason doing realism and drawing curt is SO much harder than what I typically do#it took sooooooo long to get him down and make it actually look like him#oh hey fun fact about this drawing before I do my fun fact- I used a screenshot of Duke as a reference for this#ok now for a real fun fact#fun fact: Asteroids can sometimes have moons and rings of their own#alright now I’ve got a billion other drawings to go work on because the grind never stops yall#sir john herschel#john herschel#pulp musicals#the great moon hoax#the brick satellite#the ghost of the antikythera#Curt mega#my art#god yall I love pulp musicals#I’m so insanely pumped for pulp 4 it’s going to be the raddest thing ever#EVERYONE WHO IS READING THIS NEEDS TO GO LISTEN TO PULP MUSICALS PRONTO /nf#PLEASE (its on Apple Music and Spotify)
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ITS HERE
#you guys aren’t ready for how INSANE I’m gonna go#starting working on them RIGHT NOW#AUGH#I will post updates. so stoked#not sure if it has a tumblr… if not I will post the rules and stuff here if any of my heromari moots wanna participate!#honestly I might make a Twitter JUST to officially participate if they aren’t anywhere else#god heromari will be the death of me. causing me to download Twitter of all things#god#AUGHHHHHH!!!!#omori#omori mari#omori hero#heromari#heromari week 2025
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if i stay over the weekend to help on a student film set, i won’t go back to my hometown which will upset my mom (and also cause me mental distress) but if i go home (mom happy, me happy(ish)) i’ll miss out on the opportunity to learn more about working on film sets (somethign i’ll have to do next semester for my own film) and i’ll reinforce in my brain that i’m not capable of doing literally anything and that i’m a fuckifn loser
#anyway i’m going home bc my mom was happy when i said i could#and i like it when she’s happy#it wouldn’t be so bad if my dad wasn’t working insane hours that left her alone for most of the day#but yeah.#i feel like when i graduate i’ll be shit out luck bc i haven’t made good connections bc i’ve only ever been on two sets#and it’s all my fault bc i don’t know what to do to make everyone happy#god please i want a solution i can’t keep living like this#i keep telling myself ‘you don’t have to be on set to contribute to films’ i’m a fucking editor for gods sake people know me as the editor#that’s my thing but i still feel like i’m not doing enough and i’m letting everyone down and that i’m on the outside of it all all the time#bc i have to go home every weekend or the world will end or whatever#i feel so fucking useless rn y’all#first day of my period i’m probably overreacting but idk it feels so real#i messaged someone else about being on their set so i can at least say i’ve done SOMETHING and she left me on read so that’s fun#god i’m sorry for this yall i’m going through it right now
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#my work is just insane right now#they’ve increased the daily metrics for all of us because too many people in the department were doing well#and god forbid they give everyone a raise#so they moved the fucking goal posts#and we’re just supposed to go with it#and my husband is sick and lowkey being an asshole about it#and beba was so unbelievably fussy today it was like every single step in our morning was a problem#my god it’s like fuck this day entirely#my kitchen is a mess because we started doing the cabinets#but had to pause because he’s sick#we leave for our vacation in 10 days#and I haven’t even begun packing#the house is a fucking mess#and my manager keeps asking me why I’m work isn’t getting done#just set me on fire for fucks sake
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Wait
Wait
If the sky is fake who’s to say that Celestia isn’t fake
Like yep sure it’s 3D modelled whatever bUT WHAT IF IT’S STILL FAKE. LIKE I’M SURE SOMEONE OUT THERE IN TEYVAT WOULD BE ABLE TO CONJURE A FAKE ONE UP NO PROBLEM
WHAT IF THE TRUE CELESTIA IS OUTSIDE AND RUINED-
(incoherent and long yapping in the tags bc I want to sleep and my head hurts)
#this is a very hear me out moment#I've already stated that I’d hate Celestia if I was living in Teyvat#bc a perpetually floating rock inhabited by gods nobody ever saw or heard from IS A RED FLAG HERE I SAID IT#AND EVERYONE IS SO CHILL ABOUT IT LIKE??? NONE OF Y’ALL WORRIED??? THAT THE MANAGER OF YOUR MANAGER (archon) NEVER SHOWS UP???#THAT THE ASSUMEDLY ALMIGHTY GODS MAY WAKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDE nah annihilation time NOBODY IS WORRIED-#could not be me. could not be me I’d dig Teyvat right through to Khaenri’ah bc I’d be THAT paranoid#SECOND#Like ok Sustainer can have a nap time we all deserve it#but we literally obliterated a Divine Throne. And no alarms???? has gone off for the most Sus of the gods ever???#red. flag#something’s clearly not right#something’s very much. afoot. amiss. awry- (I’m going insane I need sleep)#SO#WHAT IF#THE CELESTIA AS WE SEE IT IS NOTHING BUT A FAKE OUT#AND THE TRUE CELESTIA IS INDEED IN THE SKY#BUT IN THE TRUE SKY#THE ONE BLOCKED OUT BY THE FIRMAMENT#AND THE SUSTAINER IS ON THE OUTSIDE SUPPORTING THE WHOLE SYSTEM#UNABLE TO WAKE UP/SYNCHRONIZE WITH TEYVAT#THAT’S IT that’S my theory now I shall finally go to sleep#genshin impact#genshin impact thoughts#afinna explores teyvat#genshin impact theory#genshin impact celestia#genshin impact teyvat#genshin impact 5.1#in my wildest dreams that won't come true bc we *know* Sustainer is alive on some level#in my wildest dreams there is a plot line in genshin that comes down to 'the gods that set out the rules are dead and gone and there was
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Man I just give up.
#dora daily#if only there was a way to just stop everything#idk if I want to die but I want everything to stop#like so many times I go out or smth and something bad happens#or I get triggered in public and I try so hard not to lose myself and start drama in public but I just can’t#every time I show any emotion people start laughing#I can’t even try to stop myself from bawling in the middle of the store without someone#just being so insensitive and rude and diminishing how I feel#you know I say I’m never mad and that is true bc I may seem mad a lot online but I’m not like this irl#but for the first time I actually got mad at someone irl and I was literally gonna beat him#I was genuinely seething so bad it’s not fair and things keep getting worse and worse#I was so close to just throwing this stupid phone and shattering it and ripping up those dumbass#birthday cards they sell in the store#and that stupid bitch of a sister I have is so fucking stupid#she sees someone anxious and incredibly upset and she acts like that ? fuck her#like bro idek how I have lived for this long and idek why I don’t go and just overdose on SOMETHING right now because#logically speaking I should just give up#but I don’t know why I can’t#like please my life is literal shit okay is replying on time so hard for you to fucking do so I don’t go even more insane fuck all of youuuu#UGHHHDJSOS#I SWEAR TO GOD I am so sick of this just you all wait#none of you deserve normal treatment all you deserve is something even worse than ghosting#just you wait let this stupid semester end and I’ll deactivate my socials go speak to the fucking wall you morons#you think I’m gonna wait around what are you paying me to be here ? if anything IM paying with my sanity#like if this was related to a spouse who was a billionaire but he was treating me as shittily as you guys treat me then I’ll say fine#at least I’m getting something out of this transaction who gives a fuck#but im not getting paid#im not receiving support#I’m getting laughed at and ignored#and used only at YOUR CONVENIENCE !!! what the FUCK ! I don’t exist for anyone and certainly not yall even if I did.
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!!!!!!
#i’m gonna do my reactions in the tags cackles#oh woag this is fascinating#not the sounds i expected#ouhh this is six minutes long holy shit#i do really like his voice cackles#ouhh okay more sounds got added#OUH okay nodding nodding kicking up a little i like this#YEAAHHH drums fuck yeah#they don’t know you like i do……..#GOD GUITAR HOLY FUCK#WHATTTTTT#THERES A DIFFEREENCEEE!!!!!!!#dude holy shit#this part fucks#oh woah a cappella???#dude this song has so much#and now an organ#this is wild to me this is like a whole movie /silly#WOAH#look around look around round round…..#i wonder how we used to go so long without it AUGH#i am right beside yoOOUU!!!!#IF I BURN OUTTTTT AND SLIPPP AWAYY!!!!!!!!#god i do really like his voice this dude can sing#fuck yeah the drums again#GOD i love when he screams#CAN I HIDE IN YOU AWHILEEEEE!!!!!!!#okay kind of a banger NOT was i expected god damn#it had some parts that didn’t make me as crazy but there were others that were insane dude#answering asks
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It is ectoloader appreciation hours in this house today, my friends.
If anyone has literally anything or thoughts for them at any time, please, this is a gentle invitation to slide things into my inbox or dms or anything- /lh
#ectoloader#bnha#please help theyre all I can think about right now#I love them so much but oh my god#this is an invitation to anyone who has anything for them any thoughts or anything please slide things my way#I’m.#going to go feral#I just need to ramble about these teacher gays and aaaueghrhdhshfhshfjdh#I’m going insane#I have college advisory shit to plan out and all I can think about is#’hee hoo little old gays doing their little old things and being adorable’#hhhhhhhhh#but also masquerade au ectoloader are on brain HARD rn and I think I need to get them OUT for my own sanity
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hii i think that loser princess boy oc you have is neat so i drew him. hes blue because i hit him with the blueberry blast 🫐🫐🫐💥💥💥
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
OMG MY BOY!!!!!! ALSKWKXBWJXBWJXBW HE’S SO CUTE IN YOUR STYLE AWWWWW
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OMG AJZBSJZVSJXBEJXBW
#It’s my boy!!!!!!!!!#asks#oc#olive (oc)#mutuals#favorites#apple I love you so much for this. oh my god I’m going insane right now.#also his favorite food is blueberries now cause I said so#🎨
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good god.. been dealing with THINGS. very many of them
#i worked from home this whole week and only went in today and it was expectedly super exhausting and not productive#but i also worked the whole weekend too and i am so totally spent like burnt out emotionally and on every other level LMAO. anyway#i came home to roommate and she was like oh I was hoping you’d want to go for a walk and i was like listen my love i am not in shape to#even breathe-in breathe-out right now without falling apart and she was like ok got it! and went for the walk herself and she brought back#my favorite sour candies and my favorite watermelon cider and . oh my god get this i’ve been meaning to replace the battery on my AirTag i#keep in my car bc I always park it where the fuck ever and forget#and she actually got me the AirTag as a bday gift but i digress. anyway i always forget which battery i need and she went and bought it for#me and said this is to ‘refill your battery hehe’ and i’ve also . been told some other things like borderline incredible things (positive)#(not by her but well. someone else. shan’t say it and such)#and it’s just sooooo much all at once i feel like i’m exploding i need to decompress for one thousand years#like this is mostly positive trust me i just have not been shown love for so direly insanely long and now im receiving it in a genuine way#and idk how to even deal with it or how to express my gratefulness like how do you. how do you begin to give all of that back im dizzy
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it’s totally okay to be christian but some of y’all need to shut the fuck up I literally can’t do this anymore
#I’ve been told that I’m going to hell THREE TIMES TODAY#just for saying that there are more than two genders#I don’t care if it’s what you believe in#I don’t care if your million year old book says I’m doomed to eternal punishment for kissing boys#some of y’all are fucking insane#your idea of gender is just as nonexistent as your god#and you have no respect for people with different beliefs#I’m obviously not saying this about all christians#my grandma was christian#a lot of my friends are christian#literally half of my family is christian#but so many of you are fucked in the head#i think if god really loved me he wouldn’t send me to hell for being myself#I’d rather do that than suppress it the rest of my life#I already did that for 5 years#sorry about this stupid vent/rant#I just wanna throw up everywhere right now
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Jrwi episode 98 spoilers
I’m having totally normal late night thoughts about this episode.
I just imagine as Gillion is laying on this table, trying with all his power to stay awake, in a fully delirious ramble, constantly asking May where Chip and Jay are as she can only just reassure him that they’re coming. Not because he’s concerned for himself, but in his state completely forgot they left to go save his life, and that he’s worried for their well being. Until the very end, putting everyone else’s in front of his own needs. And as the remaining of his strength begins to leave him, where his vision starts to fade, his hearing goes quiet, and his breathing slows, tears pool from the corners of his eyes and they trail down the side of his face as he can do nothing but sink into this abyss, so tired. He doesn’t fear his death, but he mourns that it’s happening, that Chip or Jay aren’t here to see him off. But maybe it’s better for them to not see him in his final moments.
And in this darkness, he can do nothing but sink further and further down, suffocating. Until there’s this golden light that appears from above, and it grows brighter until it engulfs him into it.
His eyes open. And he’s on the ship, Chip was telling Ollie about these cookies filled with raspberry filling, Jay was navigating the ship and besides her sat this shirt round grey creature with a puffy striped tail, it’s peaceful as they sailed along the waves. It feels like he can breath again, the pain on his chest gone, this ever looming dread hanging over him is gone. This was nothing more than a dream, but it would be a calm one.
#jrwi podcast#jrwi spoilers#jrwi episode 98 spoilers#gillion tidestrider#lol idk how to write and it didn’t begin with the intention to#I’m just going insane over how emotional that scene could’ve been#I probably could’ve given more detail on the dream section#but I’m actually not fully caught up on the campaign LMAO#so I don’t fully know all the crew members yet enough to describe them#I hope Gillion is having an amazing dream right now ❤️#I hope this is going to be the best sleep he’s ever had#ignoring the new danger of the state of May’s health oh god I hope she’s okay I’ve literally only known her for this one episode oh god oh f#I know he’s only gonna get like a long rest 8 hour sleep but I know truthfully if it weren’t needed so Charlie just does nothing the entire#time that Gillion would be asleep for wAY THE FUCK LONGER PROBABLY#BRO NEEDS LIKE A WHOLE DAY TO JUST SNORE MIMIMI PEACEFULLY
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reading my resume from a few years ago is like the Fuck is this man doing
#NO WONDER U DIDNT GET HIRED *says someone who is also not going to get hired*#anyway harlequin haha u think im sooo hot and sexy haha#im feeling so sick right now but it’s also like#i don’t know if anyone else gets this but when im sick i just feel like everything is new#it’s like i’m 13 again but somehow also a lot more positive#but also im ill right now and i want my symptoms to stop#so i can finally cook in the kitchen without infecting everyone and eat some actual food bc my god im going insane#also i dont care about how mcuh im typing i hope everuone has a good night and never gets ill and kisses 1000 people today bye
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#Transitionary periods of life are So! Stressful!!#I hate getting texts and stuff from friends and family like ‘did you get into [prestigious university i applied for] yet?’#like. No! they only let in like 15% of applicants! it’s going to take them a while to decide!!#and their immediate follow-up question is ‘when will you find out?’#That information! is NOWHERE. on their WEBSITE!!!#plus we just had three snow days at work and I missed out on like 20 of my work hours for last week#so my paycheck is gonna be super slim on Friday!#and I have not bought groceries in a while!#thank god I have a remote job or I would probably be freezing my ass off in a tent right now! (woo precarious situations!)#oh. and I have my comprehensive exams to prepare for too.#I have three weekends to write three 5 page (single-spaced; 10 if they’re double-spaced) research papers#these three weekends will be happening in March.#that’s. not very far away from us right now. I got. a few weeks. tops. to prepare for this.#and I did do a lot of prep work already. I took a capstone course. I did an independent study#and I read a LOT of stuff about phonetics/phonology last month#but like. I won’t know the questions until the weekend I have to write the paper. 5 pages in 2 days. that’s stressful.#i am suprised I’m not wearing a rut in the floor from pacing so much!#I will be going insane. through no fault of my own. (unless you count giving up a cushy job and moving internationally a fault? yeah ok)
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i am but a simple homosexual. i wanna see men whimpering. that’s all.
#i’m going fucking insane#this is about ghost from cod btw#also men in general#completely off topic for this post#maybe not completely#but god i am so obsessed with romance#and like#being loved#i need a boyfriend right now actually#real#he gotta whimper also#/j but only kind of
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