#GIVE RIVER SONG AGENCY

[aletterinthenameofsanity]

Hot take: River and the Doctor having a father/daughter relationship would have been WAY more compelling than a romance arc. I mean, you'd also have to adjust a lot of shit in Season 6 for it to work but like imagine. Amy insists on the Doctor letting her come with him to search for their daughter. River Song is not Mels but rather straight from the astronaut plot. Picks the name River Song herself because she likes the ring of it and that's how she kicks off her new regeneration- with a new name instead of comments about checking her weight. Let's Kill Hitler where Amy encourages River to save the Doctor because the Doctor has been searching for her as much as she and Rory have, where River decides to save him not because She Is River Song and River Song Wants To Marry/Kill The Doctor Timey Wimey Sexist Bullshit but because she can see that the Doctor can't be evil if her parents love him and he spent so long trying to find her.

Then, instead of entering archaeology to "find a good man," decides to become an archaeologist to make her own path outside of the path that the Silence set for her. Not about the Doctor, but about her own desire to learn, to find something permanent, to discover things in her own way outside of the TARDIS.

Let the bittersweetness of the River&Amy&Rory&theDoctor dynamic come from that. Not because Amy & Rory stopped caring after River had saved the Doctor's life, but because River insisted on getting to figure out who she was outside of the path set for her. And the fact that River will outlive her parents by mere virtue of the whole half-time-lord-DNA thing makes her relationship with the doctor tragic and compelling not because she doesn't think she'll ever live up to him but because they are the only two people that understand each other's grief

[heytherelysia]

dazai w/ a quiet + stern reader

hi so i have no idea what's up in the recent s4 bsd and im so eepy to start watching it but i love goosamu w all my heart. tried to not make this as self-insert-y as much as possible. format is very messy as it shifts to bulleted to non-bulleted.

gn reader, established relationship, semi-proofread and kinda horrible grammar, pretty tame mention of double suicide, very cheesy fluff, potentially ooc dazai.

he is the definition of what a menace is.

several papers that are scattered on the table, in need of your review and signature. in the midst of inking the papers, a finger twirls the side of your hair, and so you realize that the papers are not the only thing that acquires your attention.

you glance at the man next to you, a singular hand cups his face, twirling your hair as he kicks his feet, mimicking a lovesick schoolgirl. although, he isn't bothering you as much as he usually does. you return to your duties and he hums a song, possibly another improvised double suicide song.

osamu makes up the absence of speech you speak, he is the first to ask you how your day was when you come home. despite that you do not speak until necessary, it does not bother him. he loves hearing your voice, even if it's coming from your usual one-to-two word sentences.

your eyes and mind are occupied to the laptop before you, checking for requests that are in need of the detective's attention, but it appears that none of them are worth the agency's help, so you snap to the pile of papers next to the device.

you were accustomed to the sight of stacked papers as you rarely attend missions in the agency unless the situation is dire, that was the nature of your job as a detective. nevertheless, the agency is home to you, even with the rapscallions that also reside in the agency. one of them was near and dear to your heart.

the front door of the office was kicked by a loud 'bang!', so you hold your thought and looked up from that papers.

"good morning belladonaaaa ♡" you look at him with your eyes half closed as he approached your seat.

"...you're late, were you floating by the river again?"

"oh come on! don't be like that!" as if he was a child, he pouts and look to the side. now that he's much closer to you, your eyes instinctively snap to his other hand that's hidden on his back.

you give him a look of curiosity, "what's that behind you?" osamu snaps back to reality, he looks at you and the hidden item gripped in his hands, then he giggles. "...we're not exactly alike but... i'm thankful that we clicked and let alone that you wanted to be with me. i hope you would at least accept this as my immense thanks for you."

despite the fact that you have been dating the man for a long time now, dazai is an enigma to you. even when he has opened up to you regarding his past and suicidal nature, you feel as if you don't know everything about him, but it was never to the point that you think he is dangerous.

the subtle smile that appears on his face as he slowly gives you a bouquet of flowers made you think so.

you are only now able to notice that flowers aren't the only thing containing the bouquet now that you're actually holding it. "my favorite foods? ...you remember?"

"of course" he chuckles, "the way to their heart is through their stomach, don't you agree?"

...

the two of you found the agency members peeking through the door, literally stacked upon each other. they ran off when the both of you acknowledged their presence.

as his superior and partner, you constantly have to tame him even if it means he'll sit still for just a minute.

you suffer the same fate as kunikida and chuuya in having to deal with him, you can't tell if his continuous chatter makes your ears ring or if it's music to your ears.

literally the "talks a lot x listens" dynamic. he babbles all the words and you politely listen. dazai needs a listener anyways.

he invites you to go with him in his adventure to find the best way to go to the next life during your breaks. in some cases that you agree, you're just by the side reading a book, like a parent who is helping their child on the swing.

...

writing this made me realize that i'm horrible at writing dialogues and way better in writing descriptions.

[biblical-chronicles]

What are your top five Oasis and top five Noel and or Liam songs? I’m actually so curious, I love hearing about people’s favourites

honestly? piss off this is the worst question how am I meant to choose?? This proper overheats me brain but I'll answer just be ready for an essay xx and more than 5 songs like I can't choose as all of it changes depending on me mood and all.

Right, first off, Oasis tunes are the best, no contest. Liam brings that proper attitude, and Noel's got the lyrics and musicality locked down—perfect combo. But Liam's solo stuff, it’s missin’ that rock edge to me. Just feels a bit… tame. Guitars aren’t punchy enough, and the way they’ve produced his voice on some tracks? Breaks me heart, that.

Now, Beady Eye—I'll back ‘em all day. Weren’t half as bad as people made out; lot of the hate came from folks still bitter about the split, which, fair play, I get it. But at least Beady Eye still had a sprinkle of that rawness. Liam's solo work, though, I dunno. Some of it’s just slower, leans a bit too pop for me, y’know? But let's be honest no one is searching up Liam/Noel and expecting dead hitting hard rock. With Liam it just gets a bit redundant, but yeah, there’s some belters in there too.

Overall, gotta hand it to Noel on the solo front. He’s always been the musical and lyrical backbone, hasn’t he? His stuff feels more authentic, like it’s got a bit more weight to it. And his voice—it’s just fuller, more rounded. With Liam, though, I don’t get why they slap that weird filter on his voice in the studio. Makes it sound all poppy and high-pitched, which is mad ‘cause live, he’s still got that grit. Honestly, just wish they’d let him sound like him.

Beady Eye: Four Letter Word, Beatles and Stones, Wind up Dream, Kill for a Dream, The Roller, Flick of The Finger, Soul Love, Face the Crowd, I'm Just Saying, Shine a Light - all decent numbers in me books

solo Liam: Gready Soul, Wall of Glass, For What It's Worth, When I'm in Need, You Better Run, I Get By, Come Back to Me, All My People, Shockwave, Once, Halo, Why Me? Why Not., Meadow, The River, Gone, Invisible Sun, I'm A Wheel, Make It Up As You Go Along, Diamond In the Dark, Don't Go Halfway, I'm Free, Wave. But again, his work isn't as strong to me as it lacks experimentation, yet many people give him wayyy too much shit for his music, especially since I think his biggest weakness is the slightly wonky production making it sound almost not like Liam from time to time.

Noel's High Flying Birds (or as Liam coined them the high flying turds): the whole first album lawd it all has such a distinct vibe I'll just say the whole thing since I am the lunatic that listens to albums front to back (blame me getting a record player at 13 from me dad fer this), Second album ofc the sigh at the beginning of The Girl With X-Ray Eyes gets a separate entry here, but seriously another great album; In The Heat Of The Moment, Lock All The Doors, The Right Stuff, The Mexican, Ballad Of The Mighty I, Do The Damage, Freaky Teeth. Then album number three again great work from Noel no wonder, Keep On Reaching, It's A Beautiful World, Be Careful What You Wish For, The Man Who Built The Moon. Council Skies also holds up well in me books; Pretty Boy, Dead To The World (can make me weep definitely), Council Skies, There She Blows!. Noel is just way more likely to experiment and has more agency over his work, the lyrics just hit deeper. The production is also way better and feels better geared towards Noel's range and sets the tone well. That said, his albums, as solid as they are, could do with a bit of that Headshrinker / Bring It on Now energy now and then. Feels like they’re missin’ a proper kick up the arse, y’know? He leans heavy on the slower ballads, which are class, but sometimes you just want that raw, in-yer-face energy.

Oasis: oh we're in for a ride here, I'll divide it album by album to keep it a bit more tidy.

Definitely Maybe: Filled with absolute tunes front to back, I know it all word for word and cry everytime I hear any song off of it when outside. Every tune is amazing, I really wanted to choose a few of me favourites but I just end up naming the whole album so sorry, it is genuinely impossible to choose everything on here is a masterpiece and I don't hate any song. Can't even choose a top 5 it's just such a consistently great album, it just fucks that's all, has a song for every mood and occasion. Even summat silly like Digsy's Dinner is a tune, the "But I don't think we've been living very wise" hits sometimes you know??

What's The Story: Another bleedin’ masterpiece giving me all the same problem—just too bloody good from start to finish. Every track’s a belter, proper tune for any mood you’re in. And lyrically? Noel’s smashed it, hasn’t he? The Masterplan still gets me every time, proper emotional. But listen, no way am I giving you a top 5—drive me mad tryin’ to rank ‘em. Now, let’s address somethin’—all the stick Wonderwall gets. Yeah, I get it, it’s a bit corny, overplayed as hell, but don’t sit there pretendin’ you ain’t singin’ every word at the pub after two pints—or even stone-cold sober, for that matter. People need to let the poor tune breathe a bit, stop usin’ it to slate the whole catalogue, yeah? Oh, and Step Out? Absolute tune. And when Noel drops that “you’re me bitch, rescue me tonight"? fuck off I love it.

Be Here Now: Another solid album that gets way too much stick, if you ask me. Yeah, it’s not as strong as the first two, fair enough—but take it on its own, and it’s nowhere near as bad as people make it out to be. Production’s a bit wonky, I’ll give you that, but live or remastered? It’s a beast, mate. For me, it’s right up there with the others. To anyone hating "get yer shit together girl", so many absolute tunes on it; The Fame, My Big Mouth, D'You Know What I Mean, Going Nowhere, Stay Young, It's Getting Better (Man!!), Be Here Now, I Hope I Think I know, Stand By Me, Fade In-Out, All Around the World, and also I don't hate Magic Pie like many do, It's good. It was a concept album, and the concept was they were off their heads on coke—but somehow, it gave us all these bangers. What’s not to love?

SOTSOG: this is such a great album when you don't have a little gremlin in yer ear telling you how bad it is. Let's just ignore Little James (so sorry Liam) and focus on Gas Panic, Fuckin' in the Bushes, Go Let It Out, Put Yer Money Where Yer Mouth Is, I Can See A Liar, and Roll It Over. And I agree with Noel Sunday Morning Call isn't as strong but lord does he hate that song with a passion it's so hilarious.

Heathen Chemistry: I might be sounding like a broken record but yet again people hate on it too much, like calm yer tits and appreciate Force of Nature, Hung In A Bad Place, A Quick Peep, Born On A Different Cloud, The Hindu Times, Better Man, and The Cage. Yes, Noel singing "for smoking all my stash" is a bit corny but the instrumental fucks so I'm letting it slide.

Don't Believe The Truth: now this is their weakest album I believe, doesn't mean it's complete and utter shite just not as consistent. Still, Turn Up the Sun, Mucky Fingers, The Importance of Being Idle, The Meaning of Soul, Part of the Queue, A Bell Will Ring, Let There Be Love, to me are all solid.

Dig Out Your Soul: oh this album fucks alright?? I can fully listen to it, front to back, it's such a treat. Waiting for the Rapture got such brilliant guitar parts, same with Bag it Up, The Turning, and The Shock of Lightning. (Get Off Your) High Horse Lady is also great, such an interesting one from Noel, Ain't Got Nothin' is also decent and The Nature of Reality.

alright there you go I did it love x

one of the hardest tasks bestowed upon me in recent times which has proven that I am more indecisive than previously thought.

[transit-fag]

Give me Ideas for US City polls that I can do

We have already done:

Best Midwestern (3 times)

Best dense city over 100k

Best city for biking

Weirdly patriotic

Best Gay Neighborhood

Best river suburb

Best underrated city

Best overrated suburb

Best thing to be weirdly patriotic

Generic best urbanism

Worst Urbanism

Best Amtrak Hubs

Best Pacific City

Best City without Amtrak

Best Downtown (twice)

Best Streetcar

Best Southern City

Best city with under 500k

And for non city polls we have done

Best ABBA song (twice)

Amtrak route bracket

Best NYC transit Agency

Best Chicago Transit Agency

Best Bay Area Transit Agency

Best Chicago Neighborhood

Things I should rant about (twice)

Best West Coast Route

Best Union Station

Best unused Union Station

Best Streetcar

Fake elections(3 times)

Best River Basin (3 times)

There have been other polls bur these are some of the most important ones that I can think of.

[nerdieforpedro]

El vino me lo quitó (I lost him to wine)

Part Two (morado/purple) of Coasting through the Rainbow

My entire masterlist and blog are for readers 18+ MDNI. I do not consent to my work being used in AI, recommended on TikTok, borrowed or plagiarized.

Summary: The move back to the US presents Javier with new opportunities and challenges. He felt like he may have found someone to hold onto but is he really holding on to them?

Warnings: Angst, domestic Javier, allusions to smut, alcohol use, no bad jokes this time, and PTSD reference

Word Count: 1936

Notes: We’re moving forward in Javi’s story. It’s very angsty and the angst is strong in this fic but we are working toward a good ending for Javi, I promise!

Main Masterlist/ Javier Peña Masterlist/ AO3 Link

The hustle and bustle of Washington DC are confounding to Javier. Everyone is always moving quickly but seem to be doing nothing at the same time. He appreciates that there’s always something and someone to do, but there little nature. Not like Columbia where a drive could take you along rivers, forests and fields and not like Texas where he’d see animals, different fields and farms.

The overseas transfer went smoothly, due to his decorated history in the agency, the DEA want his knowledge which Peña is glad to be paid for. They included an apartment that had a parking garage. Good because Javier enjoyed driving, letting his mind wander listening to music, though with traffic as it was, it was difficult to get carried away in song while people were honking with all these one way streets.

Continuing to indulge in both women and men, Javier was able to work out some of the growing pains of his new life. None of his partners match Angelo’s looks exactly nor do they have his gentle touch. The loneliness ate at him daily however, there was a period of nearly a year that gave him a small part of familiar warmth from Columbia.

His name was James. He’s not gentle, nor does he allow Javi to hide as he hasn’t been able to being a gay black man. James is six foot three inches, broad with a three cloud tattoos on his upper right arm and a dark trail of hair leading to something Javier enjoyed. His hair is shaved on the sides and he keeps it long in the middle - a faux hawk. It looked goofy as far as Javier was concerned but give how limber his towering lover was able to make him in and out of bed, he never uttered a word about it. Often, when they began, little more than the slaps of skin were heard. Tender words were gone, neither of them had much use for them in the bedroom. Outside of it was a different matter all together.

To start, Javier met James for brunches and a few breakfasts. It was a stark difference in how his outings with Angelo went. Peña told himself he wouldn’t make that mistake again. No one wants to be hidden or a secret, he had realized that too late and been too scared to cross into the daytime. The relationship was one of two driven men.

Javier formed different relationship with agents in his new role and was helping to close cases, getting dangerous drugs off the streets.

James was a sommelier, working in a local winery and building his contacts along with gradually securing funding for establishing his own business.

In this respect, they complemented each other and spurred each other forward. They never lived together despite going from each other’s places freely at all times of day when there was time. Javier enjoyed James and cared about him, but it wasn’t quite the same as Angelo. Two ships floating in the same direction is how Javi would describe it. He did meet some of James’ friends and Javi had him out to dinners with the DEA crew he’d been advising. It was awkward at first as Javi hadn’t mentioned to any of them that he dated men in addition to women. Not that it was any of their business.

Again things were going smoothly and he though that despite not having same sense of security as he did before. Peña figured that having an undercurrent of trepidation would help him keep the relationship going.

Javier Peña finds himself wrong a second time.

James has been working many late nights similar to how Javi used to do in his younger days. He’s brought home some wine to go with dinner that Javier made - simple arroz con pollo (rice with chicken) but he added some asparagus cooked with chicken bullion and seasoned the pollo with tomatoes, lime juice and jalapeño stuffed green peppers. Normally he wouldn’t have added so many veggies, but Javi found that one of his favorite polo shirts - the pink one was a bit tight around the middle.

Javier only started cooking for one person and he wasn’t the one in the kitchen with him now. He always lingers in the back of my mind. I’m worried it’s always going to be like this. Will I ever move on? Forward?

When he and James sat down to eat, things were fine. They discussed their days like usual, ate a well-cooked meal. Afterword, when they were cleaning the kitchen up, James casually introduced the idea of California. “Going to visit you mean? We could, but we’ve never taken more than a weekend trip together Jay.” Drying his hands on the dish towel, Javi set down the plate worried that he may drop it. That’s a big step, but it has been nearly a year. Time just keeps moving doesn’t it?

“No, well yes we can visit the first time we go but eventually we would move there. I’ve been able to get all my funding, investors and contacts to open my own winery and grow the grapes I know will make an excellent wine.” James’ large palms press into Javi’s cheeks and his thumbs trace his upper lip and mustache. “Come with me Javi. I want you by my side. I’m going to start a wine empire!” The excitement is his dark orbs is accompanied by James’s cheeks puffing out from his wide smile. The bright kitchen light makes the stubble trying to grow back in on his face prominent with rich sepia skin.

“My job is here though James. I haven’t been here long enough for another transfer. Plus with all that the team has going on, it doesn’t feel right to leave them hanging.” Peña places his hands over James’. While correct in what he just said, Javi knows that he’s never told his boyfriend about what he saw in Columbia or California. Not the details that sometimes have him up at night. Make him still drink. Make him still smoke. Have him react to anything that sounds similar to a gunshot or eye any substance that looks like a white powder suspiciously. Javier is removed from most of that here. Just the mention of California has him in a cold sweat, his back starting to feel wet and tense.

James releases Javi and looks at the man he loves, the man he wants to walk long rows of greenery with and finally make a wine he’ll drink more than one glass of. The color has drained from Javi’s face, pallor has taken over. He’s surprised that Peña isn’t trembling, he just might start. “Sweetheart, does going to Cali bother you that much? Javi baby what happened? I’ll be right there with you. This is my dream. I’ve worked toward it for years.”

“Chasing a dream like that is a young man’s game. I’m damn near forty years old. I can consult for a while yet, but I don’t know about being out in a winery out in the hot sun. I can’t give you an answer right now James.” Javier turns away and places his palms face down on the counter, hanging his head. His age isn’t really that much of a factor, but he truly doesn’t want to go. And retirement has been on his mind since his work at the consulate, not that he knew what he would do whenever he did retire, but he didn’t want to be hurting for money like some law enforcement retirees are a few years into not working.

Crossing his arms, James knows Javier focuses more on facts when he wants to mask the real reason he doesn’t want to discuss something. Why didn’t he feel comfortable telling him? He knows that some things went down both in Columbia and Cali, things that made Javier famous in some circles, but only broad strokes. There were times he watched as Javi slept and murmured to himself, tossing in the bed. Peña would never speak about it, only that there were some ghosts that would always haunt him, choices that could have been different and kept more people alive. He holds himself responsible for that. James wanted to know why Javi felt like the world was on his shoulders, he couldn’t control everything. Javi knew that, but he knew it was it youth and the idiotic belief that his small team and the Columbia government at the time would be able to take care of everything eventually. He had been mistaken on every front, costing the lives of so many - some he knew personally, others he did not. “Is this it Javier? We’re not even going to discuss it more and you’re never going to tell me what in California keeps you up at night? It’s been nearly a year for us! I haven’t earned enough trust for you to be vulnerable with me?!” Placing his hand over Javier’s with the other on Peña’s back, James rubbed it in silence. Javi wasn’t answering nor was he looking at him. A hole might form in the counter between Javier’s hands.

Without turning his head, Javier spoke, “We’ve never been about emotions James. You know that as well as I do. Don’t try and act like we ever have been. I’m not going and that’s final. I am proud of you though.” Finally, Javier turns his body to face James head on. A small smirk graces his face. Something else has ended again but it doesn’t cause another chasm, only a fracture - that will heal.

Kissing Peña’s forehead, James has his fingers in the black silky hair he enjoyed stroking after sex and occasionally when Javi would be working at his desk before coming to the table for dinner. It’s the last time he’ll have it in his hand. Embracing Javier and cradling his head near his heart, James knows his periodically cantankerous partner is right, he has not expressed his feelings about what he and Javi have. It’s too late to make him understand what life he wanted to build with the DEA consultant. His heart is beating swiftly, holding on to Javier. He might disappear right before his eyes, fade away. A winery won’t share meals with him or cuddle at night nor will it listen to his ideas - some outlandish and other actual options making them both laugh.

Once they let go of each other James walked out of Peña’s apartment and out of his life.

If there was one thing Javier envied about James it was his ability to press forward with his goal no matter what was around him. It was a quality that Javier used to have and admired in himself and now in someone else. In the past it would be work that would drive Peña but now he wants to put that energy toward a relationship.

Javier can’t seem to find a right path forward in his relationships. After James departs, it’s a few weeks later that he receives a bottle of red wine - a prototype of his brand.

Red wines are supposed to be sweet to Peña’s limited knowledge, but even after finishing the entire bottle in once sitting, there was nothing saccharine about what he just drank. “The shit’s just bitter. Maybe it’s just how I am. Can I even taste anything other than bitter and sour?” The question made Javier wonder if he should even try again. Maybe being by himself would be good for him. Maybe he could figure out what he wanted. Eventually.

Different brands of wine 🍷: @djarinmuse @megamindsecretlair @tinytinymenace @schnarfer @rulexofxnines

@djarins-cyare @secretelephanttattoo @soft-persephone @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @604to647

@morallyinept @for-a-longlongtime @soft-girl-musings @saturn-rings-writes @professionalpromqueen

@angelofsmalldeath-codeine @connectioneverywhere @fhatbhabiee @yorksgirl @guelyury

@readingiskeepingmegoing @survivingandenduring @rosecentaur1916 @westside-rot @romanarose

@lady-bess @sin-djarin @legendary-pink-dot @80ssong @kilamonster

@boliv-jenta

Part One - Rojo. Part Three

[todaysdocument]

Letter from J. W. M. McCulloch to Archibald Mackirdy

Record Group 84: Records of the Foreign Service Posts of the Department of StateSeries: United States Consular Records for Muscat, OmanFile Unit: 1898

Letterhead: Office of J. W. McCulloch Distiller High Grade Sour Mash Whiskies Exclusively, Owensboro, KY. These are "Kentucky Whiskies" in the original meaning of the words, sour mash distillation doubled in copper over fire. My warehouses (the most expensive in the state) are built dry, airy, and light to mature whiskey by natural means, the best yet known. These whiskies also also bottled in quarts, pints and half pints under U.S. Government supervision as provided by the bottling in bond bill. Dec 8th, 1898. Hon. Archibald Mackirdy, Maskat. Dear Sir:- A few days ago, in Washington, a prominent Government Official suggested that you would kindly inform me if there are any Wholesale Liquor Merchants in your territory now handling or likely to handle American whisky, and would give me the addresses of such as are reputable and regarded financially responsible. For this courtesy, I shall hold myself indebted to you with the hope of liquid-ating it sometime, and soon, should I establish an agency, through your favor. My "GREEN RIVER" famous in the United States as "The Whisky Without a Headache stands first among Kentucky's finest brands, immortalized in story and in song. For its purity and superior excellence, it is used now exclusively in the U.S. Navy Hospitals wherever located. Thanking you in advance for the desired information, I am, Yours Sincerely. J W M McCulloch [signature] P.S. Unable to secure the proper stamps, I ask the liberty to send coin for return postage in the booklet herewith.

[songforten]

🔥favorite and least favorite doctor who episodes (if you can choose at all lol)

OUGH this is hard... can i do top five and bottom five maybe

bottom five:

let's kill h*tler. do i need to explain this one? i don't think i need to explain this one

spyfall part 2. i don't think i need to explain this one either.

girl in the fireplace. i know that's the one my pfp is from. rose is just so pretty in it. anyway. it's a poorly written episode that gets way too much praise, not to mention just how painfully ooc everyone is. you can really feel how much moffat hates rose in that one. and also it feels so gross when you think about how the real madame de pompadour was groomed from age 6 to be a king's consort and basically allowed no agency in her life whatsoever, coupled with moffat's weird obsession with "someone meets the doctor as a little kid and grows up to be obsessed with him" is so painfully... icky.

kill the moon. outside of being an awful episode with a weirdly anti abortion message, it's the episode that made SO MANY PEOPLE give up on my baby girl twelve. if you stopped watching twelve because of that episode i'm begging you on my knees to give him another shot his era is so so good other than a couple stinkers.

legend of the sea devils. i cannot even begin to express my sheer hatred for this episode. everything about it sucks so so bad and i'm beating it with hammers in my mind 24/7. it's just everything i hate about the chibnall era coalesced into one steaming pile of dogshit.

top five:

heaven sent. sorry to be basic but. heaven sent. i love it so much it's so perfect. and reading it through a classics lens makes it even better. i'm planning on doing the capstone for my degree (partly) on this episode as a modern representation of katabasis. the acting, the music, rachel talalay's directing, g-d. it's so good.

dalek. honestly every single one of nine's episodes fuck so hard and i don't dislike a single one of them. but eccleston really acted his ass off in this one and it's such a wonderful exploration of the doctor's time war trauma. it's the only episode that manages to make daleks scary. rose is amazing in it. "it's not the one pointing a gun at me" and "and what about you, doctor? what the hell are you changing into?" "oh rose. they're all dead" OUGHHHH. the ending hits so fucking hard.

mummy on the orient express. i think i'm legally obligated to put this one on my top five because i have watched it nearly a dozen times this year alone. it's such a good episode. great monster. clara and the doctor both get to be incredibly bisexual. it's the one episode of doctor who in which the phrase "sex machine" exists. what more could you possibly ask for.

the christmas invasion. it's sooooo good it's so good. it's tied with the husbands of river song as my favorite christmas special, but it's higher on my list of Overall Episodes. if that makes sense. again rose is incredible in it. david tennant makes the entrance of all time. they're so in love and so fucking stupid about it. song for ten... well i woke up today... and the world was a restless plaaaace.... it could have been that way for me........

the pilot. bill is gorgeous and perfect and wonderful. twelve being a wacky professor was the best choice anyone has ever made. it's like a crash course in doctor who but also a fun and well made episode with absolutely gorgeous music. i love it i love it i love it. murray gold put the s10 soundtrack on spotify right now.

it's so hard limiting myself to just five... i'm sure i'll think of an episode tomorrow and be like DAMN that should have been on the list... but that's okay <3

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

1, 17 and 37 for Vetinari?

Ahhh our difficult to pin down patrician!! A classic and a favourite <3 <3

1. Canon I outright reject

Hahaha well. I mean. TP wrote a Trope, a caricature, not a character with Vetinari. He's too perfect to be believable as a real person*. So, you know.

--

*I get why. Vetinari can't have any real fuck-ups, because then TP would be writing a different series than one-offs "the baddie of the week," which is what his bread and butter was. To have Vetinari be a real man would mean there would be true mistakes and real repercussions that couldn't be resolved as easily as TP liked to wrap up his stories. And that's fair! He wasn't writing complex political fantasy. But that does mean the canon is limiting and 2D when it comes to side-characters, including Vetinari.

--

I suppose, I reject the portrayal of Vetinari at seventeen in Night Watch because lol like hell is that any seventeen year old I've ever known. And I've known (and was my myself) "firm head on your shoulders, grounded, hyper realistic about the world" sorts of kids. They're still kids. Vetinari in Night Watch was just Mini-Patrician.

And I reject that whole-heartedly. This is one of those instances where TP really shone with his bit-characters because Downey is a perfect Stroppy Posh Obnoxious Dick-swinging Prick as only a fundamentally rich, privileged seventeen year old boy can be. Vetinari is very bland in comparison. Again! Too perfect. It's boring.

So yeah, I prefer an Awkward, Weird, Posh Prick of a seventeen year old to whatever TP wrote with Vetinari. He can still inhume a patrician. Just give him pimples and make him awkward and weird. The Tiger Scene is a small recompense - and even then, it feels too....adultish? In a weird way? That just doesn't jive with me.

17. Quotes, songs, poems, etc. that I associate with them

Too many to list outright. Fuck. Here are a very, very few that I've compiled offhand. Honestly, this is deserving of a whole second ask.

Poems/Books

Blitzed Out, Lauren Turner (poem) - granted, I apply different aspects of this poem to almost all characters.

The Glass Essay, Anne Carson (poem)

Willful Subjects, Sarah Ahmed - a full book on the concept of will and willfulness. Particularly of the concept of "willfullness" as a charge to be laid against others in a means to remove their will/agency. Anyway, it's always struck me as a book Vetinari would have on his bookshelf.

Coyote in the Dark, Coyotes Remembered, Mary Oliver (poem)

Two Atheists Banking on an Afterlife, Lauren Turner (poem)

The Awake and Sleeping Ye, Anne-Marie Turza (poem)

The Undying, Anne Boyer - another full book. Granted Vetinari doesn't have cancer, but her writing on illness and disability are things I lean on when writing Vetinari.

Litany, Billy Collins (poem)

Songs

Feel It Still, Portugal - the Man

Bury a Friend, Billie Eilish

When We Were Young, The Killers

If I had a heart, Fever Ray

Devil's Backbone, The Civil Wars

Fair, The Amazing Devil (this is truly The Downey/Vetinari song)

They Provide the Paint, Streetlight Manifesto

Drinking Song for the Socially Anxious, The Amazing Devil (another Downey/Vetinari one lol)

Quotes

"If God exists he isn't just butter and good luck. / He's also the tick that killed my wonderful dog Luke." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"To love rightly is to love what is orderly and beautiful in an educated and disciplined way." - Plato's Republic

"When we cut the ripe melon, should we not give it thanks? / Aand should we not thank the knife also? / We do not live in a simple world." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "At the River Clarion"

"What I want to say is / that the past is the past, / and the present is what your life is, / and you are capable / of choosing what that will be, / darling citizen." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Mornings at Blackwater"

"I don't know what God is. / I don't know what death is. / But I believe they have between them / some fervent and necessary arrangement." - Mary Oliver excerpt from "Sometimes"

(Honestly - every Mary Oliver poem has a small set of lines somewhere within it that will remind me of Vetinari. Or, rather, I will call them to mind when I write him. Obviously, when I am reading Mary Oliver I am too busy weeping over small and gargantuan beauties to be thinking about fanfiction.)

"Regardless, I want to spell out that, in Judaism, a person can do real, profound, comprehensive repentance work and even get right with God—experience atonement—even if their victim never forgives them. Repentance and forgiveness are separate processes.” - Danya Ruttenberg excerpt from On Repentance and Repair

"Monuments are interesting mostly in how they diminish all other aspects of the landscape. Each highly perceptible thing makes something else almost imperceptible." - Anne Boyer excerpt from Garments Against Women

"It took me so long to realize / there are people who start fires, not to tend them, / but to see how things burn, and it took me even longer / to realize some places need fire simply to survive." - Caitlin Scarano, excerpt from “During the Wildfires” (this is also a Grima quote, honestly)

37. What they really think about themselves

As noted in the first question - Vetinari is a hard one to read and write because he's two dimensional in the text but given enough that he's not a full blank slate. But it's also a lot of nonsense we're given to work with. Masks, really.

And I think that's partially it - does Vetinari know what he thinks about himself? Or is he wholly Patrician, now? When he looks in a mirror, what does he see? Ghosts of previous patricians hovering in the hinterlands? Nothing so melodramatic as that, likely, but maybe. He has his maudlin moments in the books.

Fundamtenally, though, I think Vetinari's biggest trick is that he isn't faking anything. There's no mask. There's no cover. This is just who he is as a person. Cold, ruthless, calculating, cunning - but also given to a dry sense of humour, partial to moments of sentimentality, of being maudlin or philosophical when the mood strikes - also loves his irony and sense of occasion or moment and so on.

I think he has a fairly grounded sense of self. We're never given reason to think there's misalignment between how Vetinari sees himself (practical, efficient, capable) and how he behaves as patrician (practical, efficient, capable).

I'm not sure I'm really get at this question. But that's what I have to say on it for now. More may come to me later.

----

Thank you so much!! I do love talking about this weird freak of a man. Bless him that scag.

[variousqueerthings]

You always say you're going to take me there for dinner and then you always cancel at the last minute

man, husbands of river song is going to pull a double by giving me a character-farewell that I... actually like. for a character that I've criticized pretty heavily. twice in a row, who'da thought, but yeah this episode, like hell bent, is messy, but it's mostly enjoyable messy rather than nonsense messy, youknow?

anyway, brace yourselves... I'm about to give a m*ffat episode... a good rating

sexism rank objectification (female character is ogled/harassed/turned into a sex joke by the doctor and/or a lead we’re supposed to root for and/or the camera): 5/10

sexism rank plot-point (lead female character is only there to serve plot, not to have her emotional interiority explored, or given agency to her emotional interiority): 7/10

interesting complex or pointlessly complex (does the complexity serve the narrative or does it just serve to be confusing as a stand-in for smart, this includes visually): 7/10

furthers character and/or lore and/or plot development (broader question that ties into the previous ones, at least two of these, ideally three should be fulfilled): 7/10

companion matters (the companion doesn’t always have to be there, but if the companion is there, can they function without the doctor– and overall per season how often is the companion the focus or POV of the story): 10/10

the doctor is more than just “godlike” (examines the doctor’s flaws and limitations, doesn’t solve a plot by having it revolve entirely around the doctor’s existence): 9/10

doesn’t look down on previous doctor who (by erasing or mocking its importance, by redoing and “bettering” previous beloved plotpoints or characters, etc.): 5/10

isn’t trying to insert hamfisted sexiness (m*ffat famously talked a lot about how dw should be sexier multiple times, he sucks at writing it): 5/10

internal world has consistency (characters have backgrounds, feel rooted in a place with other people, generally feel like they have Lives): 6/10

Politics (how conservative is the story): 6/10

FULL RATING: 67/100 (if I can count….)

see what I mean? messy, but fun. also greg davies is there, mostly yelling and being large or uh... being a disembodied head and still yelling

OBJECTIFICATION: because this is a river song episode, it does unfortunately fuck up on this point again, because if there's one constant for river song episodes it's that she's Sexy in a dom mummy kind of way, but it's Empowering because she's the one who casually dismisses and objectifies men, she ooowns her sexuality, which just so happens to be the kind of woman that m*ffat thinks is hot

it's actually not so bad once you get past the first bit of it. once the doctor and river song are in the tardis things get a lot better and then stay relatively even for the rest of the episode. and then the ending is. actually quite moving

PLOT-POINT: this could go both higher and lower. lower, because I think if there's one thing that bothered me throughout river's whole narrative it was the way she clearly never had a positive view of her relationship with the doctor, always defining herself as someone who couldn't help but love someone who was so far above her, so brilliant, so amazing, so extraordinary, that nobody could hope to be on their level -- not to mention all the stuff (which isn't in this episode thank goodness) about how once the doctor sees you age, it's over

and now we've reached the end of the story, this core of river, the whole... thing of having been groomed from birth to revolve entirely around the doctor, to never feel worthy, to think the doctor is just plain "too good" for her, is confirmed for good to be simply the way this story is, without further analysis or deconstruction

that being said, this episode gives us more crumbs than any before. the doctor is incredibly kind towards river, in a way I don't think eleven ever really was outside of a small handful of moments, and it's confirmed that they've been avoiding the singing towers and that if it were up to the doctor they'd never go there, but then the universe decides on it, so the doctor pulls out all the stops (in a doctor-like way, not in a "godlike unknowable being" type way) to make it a good last time for them. so in that sense, this episode manages to be all about river in a way I don't think any previous ones have been

for once it's the doctor revolving around her, not the other way around. this also further by showing little tidbits into river's life outside of the doctor, and the doctor being confused (and jealous, sure, but... ehhh lower-and-higher rating, it's complicated, it's kind of het but also kind of not) about her sheer amount of other spouses that she never mentions. so the doctor is crashing into her adventure basically, not the other way around. if this had been the template for river song episodes, i might have liked them better. the closes we get to something like this is back in s5 with flesh and stone/time of angels, but after the beginning it very much became about the doctor and not about river. this story is firmly river, the entire way through. all it took was for it to be her very last flipping episode

COMPLEXITY: I'll call this one doctor who complex. it's silly, it has various locations, kinda takes you for a spin, but it's quite simple and doesn't try anything clever where it's not needed. this episode is a romp, and it remains a romp right until the end, where it's a sweet story about a long long goodbye

CHARACTERS/LORE/PLOT: river song has gone to the library to die. i don't think this technically means she could never come back, because m*ffat utterly fucked the whole "we meet backwards" lore. they definitely just meet out of order, not in strict reverse linear order

but. but. I get that this is the big goodbye, you'd want it to remain that way. also it introduces nardole who is with us throughout s10

I don't... love nardole. i think he was good comic relief for this episode, now that I'm watching s10 I think he's too comic to be able to carry the dramatic scenes, but yeah. he's fine here

COMPANIONS MATTER: it's fuckn river song's episode, we're just gatecrashing it! this will be the second time (after the girl who waited) that this point gets a rating like this, and while there have been a few scattered episodes with 7/8 ratings, it on average sits firmly at a 5 or below so just... bask in it for a second after five seasons of companions being sidelined the majority of the time

“GODLIKE” DOCTOR: the doctor is doing some smart things here and there, but again, it's firmly river's episode and that's really really ever-more striking the more I think about it. so much of this era of doctor who consists either of The Doctor Is Always The Centre Of The Universe Narrative type episodes or the doctor enters someone else's story and then takes over

it's so very refreshing for the doctor to let river do her thing, it's what we've been told is so great about her as a person, but I think far more seldomly seen

PREVIOUS DOCTOR WHO: there's a lot of river-and-doctor history which, because river only really occurred multiple times in eleven's arc, means we don't actually go back very far. it is one of those things that weakens river's character, and yes yes I know in audio books she meets previous doctors (further weakening the whole "meeting in reverse linear" idea), but in the show she never does, making it odd that she'd be prepared to meet any of the other faces

I think river could have been so much stronger as a character if she'd not been presented as The character. the one who knows the doctor best, who is the best, who was created For the doctor, etcetc. broken record I know. but it's little things like this that hammer it home

and ofc we already have this character, it's the master, and gomez!master provides a far more compelling "version" of what they were trying to do with river being a mysterious femme fatale. there were just things that could have been done differently to ground her more, and that feels very obvious when trying to do callbacks here and you're like... your callbacks happened two-three seasons ago

actually noticed just now that the master and river never met, which also, the other thing being that river is very disconnected from the rest of doctor who mythos. sure she's mentioned to know various aliens and she's there in the pandorica episode, but her main stories aren't ever putting her in a wider context of the story. if river song episodes were totally excised, then apart from the odd mention of the doctor having ostensibly been "married" she may as well not exist

“SEXINESS”: there is some stuff. Idk whether this belongs in objectification as well or not, but m*ffat gets some last digs in with his favourite historical women he loves to objectify, because the doctor married Elizabeth 1st, Cleopatra, and Marilyn Monroe -- these were all eleven-doctor episodes, so more of a uuuurgh in hindsight about some of the ways this was written, because flipping 12yr old looking eleven was too much to resist for these women.

I lie, because actually Elizabeth married ten (in day of the doctor, so eleven era), but it was an egregious mischaracterisation of ten as well. and ofc. the fuckn jokes about all of that. finally, Elizabeth the first, whom I have no flipping opinion about usually, because who tf cares about the royal family (well, apart from the Shakespeare play versions of them + Lion in the Winter), is free from this hopefully

there's a bit of "sexy voice" going on at times, but that's just par for the course with river song episodes, and again, it's not too egregious in comparison to usually

INTERNAL WORLD: yeah, fun, silly, simple stuff, good times good times. nothing massive and complicated, but then steven not everything needs to be so damned massive and complicated all the time, does it????

POLITICS: still question the politics of river and guns. will do so forever. look, i know the doctor isn't so pacifist as all that, but there was a lot of gun-related arcs in nu!who era that was often quite complicated (for example eleven in town called mercy or twelve in hell bent) and it never seemed to apply to river

it's actually another way she sometimes felt disconnected from everything else. there's doctor who with its themes, and then there's the doctor and river adventures, and they never quite meet up

there's also ofc the ongoing silliness of "marriage as concept" and unexamined amatonormative + heteronormative ideas, but like. do I expect them to know what that means, never mind how to do an interesting exploration of relationship dynamics unless it's by accident? so I take what I want from it on that front

FULL RATING: 67/100 (if I can count….)

on the whole a fun episode and I was very prepared to not enjoy it, because I haven't been the biggest enjoyer of river song as character in the past + I obviously am not a fan of attempting to make the doctor alloromantic, which arguably... they also didn't manage to do

and if that felt strong with eleven, oh boy does it go through the roof with twelve! now I've had "aplatonic doctor" as concept put into my brain, it applies so strongly to twelve (as well as eleven) and I can absolutely read this episode through that lens and come out with a great deal of enjoyment for it

on the whole, this is a story about the doctor doing things for river, which is a rarity. it's a fun adventure between the two of them, which is also rare. and it's a neat little exploration on the themes of ending and putting off that ending (which also exists in clara's story), and how endings may be sad, but there's all the bits that come before that and that's important. and also ofc it's slowly gearing up to saying goodbye to this era's doctor -- the ponds have left, clara has gone, and now river...

[presidentdisastraofgallifrey]

Rating Every Nu Who Episode: Season 6

A Christmas Carol: 9/10 this episode is so sad and sweet and hopeful and about how you have to live now because if you save life for later you'll never get to it.

The Impossible Astronaut: 6/10 and thus begins one of my least favorite arcs that could have been so interesting but isn't. Does get some points because seeing him die and then running into him immediately is funny.

Day of the Moon: 7/10 loses some points for the arc but as an episode is actually pretty fun. I like the Silence.

The Curse of the Black Spot: 8/10 this episode is fun and a nice break.

The Doctor's Wife: 5/10 I really wanted to like this episode, and it has some fun moments, but as a whole feels a little random and outside everything else.

The Rebel Flesh/The Almost People: 4/10 no. Just no. It might stand ok on it's own but as a lead up to anything is very not good.

A Good Man Goes to War: 0/10 one of my least favorite episodes ever. Suddenly Amy has been kidnapped for months, and now she has a baby, but it's not really here and also is River who was taken in by these people that will never be mentioned again but then also taken away by the Silence and raised specifically to kill the Doctor? Nope. River deserves a better backstory and more of her own life, as implied by being a professor and archaeologist. Even Amy deserves better than being reduced to being kidnapped for her baby.

Let's Kill Hitler: 2/10 this one gets a couple points for a lead up that might be interesting, but it is WAY too unlikely that River had all of the following happen in her childhood: (1) raised by a group of people who changed her name to match their language conventions (don't remember their name, sorry), (2) was raised by the silence to kill the Doctor, (3) was abandoned by the silence despite them still wanting the Doctor dead and nearly died on the streets, (4) spent the rest of her childhood somewhere near enough to Amy to be best friends and apparently living a normal enough life to have a best friend, and (5) by college back to being controlled by the Silence. Also absolutely every plot point except the tiny people in the assassin ship is awful.

Night Terrors: 6/10 I mostly like this one actually but there's a paradox that really bugs me: apparently George's anxiety is only triggered by overhearing his parents debate sending him away, but they were only discussing that in the first place because of issues that were apparently caused by said anxiety. Still a sweet story, but it bugs me.

The Girl Who Waited: 8/10 I like future!Amy SO much better than current Amy, but also feel like this is one of the only episodes where Amy really gets to be her own character at all.

The God Complex: 9/10 the worst fears thing is fun, I don't care how little sense it makes.

Closing Time: 8/10 this was a fun break. I like that he speaks baby.

The Wedding of River Song: 2/10 the points only being for the interesting all-history-at-once alternate universe. The plot is awful and I hate it and if their wedding isn't really a wedding but him giving her instructions (or something like that, it's been a while), then when did he tell her his name as previously established? It's the worst and I hate it.

Bonus Character Rating:

Eleven: 7/10 he's kinda fun.

Amy: 1/10 she's worse than last season.

Rory: 1/10 he's kind of just furniture.

River: 6/10 she's still fun but I feel like she lost a lot of agency and personality in this arc.

[odditycircus-2002]

When Jimmy Crystal Proposed to You

We should be about a good junk of the way done with your life story with Jimmy Crystal, at least until I get another stroke of inspiration. For now, I hope you enjoy this set of headcanons!

PREV

NEXT

(I don't own this gif)

You and Jimmy were out for another one of your date nights, which isn't that out of the ordinary even with both of your busy schedules. Jimmy with getting Crystal Enterprises to be known as both the most well-known entertainment agency and the best entertainment agency. You were with your band when it came to writing new songs, recording songs, tours, making music videos, and trying your hand at acting. What made this date extra special for you both? It's the anniversary of when you both started officially dating.

Much to your pleasant surprise, instead of the usual high-class and swanky restaurants and shows; Jimmy instead invited you to the park you both used to frequent for a walk and boat ride. With no immediate work business to attend to, you and Jimmy start to relax and enjoy the mostly quiet ride, save for your ferryman. You leaned against Jimmy, who wrapped an arm around your waist, as you absorb this moment in time to commit every detail from memory.

From the sound of the river's waves gently crashing against the sides of the gondola; the way Redshore city's lights illuminated the night sky so brightly that it almost appears to still be day; down to the warmth of your then boyfriend's hand on your waist and the smell of his cologne mixed with the natural scent that just smelt like him.

You then strike up a conversation with Jimmy, chatting and joking in a way you haven't for a long while.

"I've missed having nights like this, no, I've missed us. I've missed you, Jimmy."

Jimmy then lifts your head with a single finger, careful not to pierce your throat with one of his claws. He gives you a charming and soft smile with hooded eyes fixated on you.

"I know and so do I, Sunshine. I promise, after tonight, we'll be spending a lot more quality time together."

You felt a pang of dejection when you and Jimmy's ride came to an end, as if you both were now leaving behind your own little world. However, you're quick to shake off this feeling when Jimmy leads you back with his arm hooked in yours to his limo and had his driver take you to your next destination for dinner.

You were fully expecting Jimmy to take you to one of the many fancy restaurants under his company's brand name, so imagine your surprise when he pulls up to a 1950s-themed restaurant and not just any 50s-themed restaurant, but the one you like to frequent with the rest of your band every other Wednesday, the Joe Rabbit Trim. Jimmy chuckles when seeing your surprised expression.

"What, you think I'd take you to our usual food joints? C'mon, sweetheart, it's our one-year anniversary; give me a bit of credit here, even if this place looks like a wax museum with a pulse."

You let Jimmy know your appreciation and pleasant surprise by wrapping your arms around your boyfriend and giving him a smooch on the cheeks.

"Thanks, Jimbo"

Jimmy wraps an arm around your waist as he grumbles about "acting lovey-dovey" in public, but the smile on his face tells you otherwise. You are eventually led to a pink Cadillac that was cut in half and recycled as a booth. Similarly, with the boat ride, you chat about everything and anything, including the performances up on stage. Jimmy gives them more scrutiny than necessary.

"How do they even hold auditions here? Is the manager tone deaf or what?"

You placate Jimmy with a paw over his own before replying.

"Jim, you're here on an anniversary date with your girlfriend, not at work."

"I know, I know, sweetheart. Thanks for the reminder."

"Anytime, hun."

You give Jimmy a wink, who gives you a charming smile. Halfway through your dinner, the restaurant manager announces the start of what Joe Rabbit Trim's also well known for, its Twist contest. You immediately volunteer yourself and Jimmy as the first contestants.

"Woah, woah, woah, Sunshine, I don't do no twist. It ain't exactly my style, ya hear?"

"No, no, no, I do believe it is our anniversary date, and you're the one who decided to take me out to my favorite food joint. Please, Jimmy? Won't you dance with your girl?"

You plead sweetly with one paw over Jimmy's own as you flutter your lashes. Your boyfriend gives a scowl before eventually sighing and giving in. You give joyful shout and drag Jimmy by the paw out of your booth to get up on stage, causing him to more or less stumble behind you to keep up.

Not surprisingly, given you and Jimmy's celebrity couple status and respective careers, the restaurant's patrons cheer when both of you come on stage and announce your names. The crowd's applause didn't die until a song, "You Can Never Tell" by Chuck Berry, started to play, signaling you and Jimmy to start dancing.

For a wolf that claimed that he "don't do no twist," you can confidently say that Jimmy ain't too shabby, especially when he started to loosen up through the song and really get into it. You almost forgot the fact that you were performing in front of a crowd as your attention was on your date, smiling widely for the entire song. Jimmy, for his part, couldn't quite keep his gaze off you, practically hypnotized by how you danced with exuberance with a hint of a provocative motive, causing the necklace he gave you to bounce wildly against your chest. Like earlier during the boat ride, it was as if you and Jimmy were in your little fantasy world. You find yourself wishing that you could stay in this moment forever.

However, like before, this little moment came to an end along with the song. You're pulled out of your stupor by the applause and cheers of the crowd. You and Jimmy both face the crowd with smiles and waves, with you giving an exaggerated courtesy. You'd thought that would be the end of being up on stage that night until Jimmy grabbed the microphone from the manager before he could ask for the next pair of volunteers. Your boyfriend started off as if he were on a talk show or wrapping up another show.

"Heya everybody, how ya doin' tonight? Thank you, thank you all, you're too kind, honestly, too kind. I know you didn't expect us up on this stage tonight to give you a show, but let's be honest, you're glad we did."

The crowd chuckles at the quip. Jimmy then places a paw into his pants pocket and takes on a lax posture.

"But this just ain't any ol' date night for us. No, it's our one-year anniversary tonight!"

As expected, this gets the crowd roused in delight, causing another round of applause from the crowd. They quiet down when Jimmy gestures with the hand holding the mic to settle down.

"And as much as Sunny loves this quirky place, and to be honest, I might buy this joint later, it ain't the only reason why I'm here."

Jimmy then walks over to you and takes out a blue velvet box. You let out a gasp with both of your paws covering your muzzle when Jimmy then gets down on one knee to pop open the box, revealing a sunflower-themed ring with a diamond in the center that sparkles beautifully in the spotlight.

"Y/N L/N aka Sunflower aka Sunny aka, Light of my life, will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Crystal? I can't think of anyone else I'd want to spend the rest of my life with."

Looking back now, you suppose you should've noticed the dozens of pairs of eyes staring intently at you, all of them watching with great intent. All of them practically begging you to say yes because who in their right mind would say no to the Jimmy Crystal? Maybe you should've known from the fact there was a crowd watching you in a public space that's a haven to you and your friends; the way the spotlights were shining on you two and you two alone; maybe you could've noticed the millions of little signs that this was another show of Jimmy's starring you but ran completely by him. Yet, at that moment, you didn't notice any of the dozens of pairs of eyes, the lights, the suffocating silence, nor the thick tension. You were only focused on Jimmy giving you a soft smile with steely blue eyes fixated on you and how your heart felt ready to burst out of your chest.

Of course, you said yes!

Jimmy barely got the ring on you before you grabbed him to smash your lips together. Your new fiance rolls along with it and dips you as the crowd explodes from jubilation at what unfolded before them.

It wasn't long after you called your family and gathered your friends to tell them of your engagement. Of course, all of you celebrated, and they (for the most part) were indeed happy for you! Yet, some of the conversations you had with your bandmates/closest friends weren't ... fully congratulatory. It was more on the cautious side and questioning if you fully thought your marriage through with Mr. Crystal if you're sure he'd make a good husband. You wave them all off and shut them down, not wanting to think of anything they have to say in regard to your relationship with Jimmy. All while not realizing how this sprouted some new unspoken strain between you and your band.

Playlist while writing this:

"A Place with No Name" by Michael Jackson

"For Your Entertainment" by Adam Lambert

"Die Young" by Ke$ha

"Feeling Good" by Michael Buble

"Fly Me to the Moon" by Bart Howard

"Carousel" By Melanie Martinez

"Cry Wolf" by A-ha""Cry Wolf" by A-ha

"Just the Two of Us" by Bill Withers

[lady-of-the-spirit]

ur river song post is funny bc in one of the audio dramas ten is faced with a similar dilemma - someone he thinks is brilliant is dying but can be saved as a data file and river asks him, “what kind of life is that? you can’t do that.”

and ten responds, “it’s a life!” like hmmm is it tho

OOF YIKES THAT'S A LOT like Ten is talking to River after doing this exact thing to her and hearing her give her negative opinion on what's going to happen to her and like... he knows that's what she's going to go through because HE DOES IT TO HER but he 1) can't change it and 2) wouldn't change it

because that's Ten's whole thing, isn't it? He is of the opinion that life in any form > death. he won't kill, he won't let anyone else kill, he will always try to save anyone in any way he can. even if that means taking away their agency (taking Donna's memories away when she was screaming NO at him because he couldn't let her die) or subjecting them to a fate worse than death (the family of blood). life is what's valuable, but he usually doesn't stop to consider the quality of that life.

he's so fucked up it's fascinating

[dustedmagazine]

Algiers – Shook (Matador)

On Shook, Franklin James Fisher, Lee Tesche, Ryan Mahan and Matt Tong sound refreshed, energized by collaboration and completely confident in their identity. Switching organically between punk, gospel, soul, hip hop, jazz and afro-futurism, Algiers speaks directly to a world under siege, a cacophonous ball of confusion from which they meld a cohesive interrogation of the violence at the heart of American power and a celebration of resistance and survival.

Fisher’s voice is a commanding presence throughout, and the call-and-response construction of many of the songs provides a unifying motif. In the adrenaline-fueled rushes of “Something Wrong” and “Good Man,” the band rediscovers the power that made their first two albums so compelling. But it’s the engagement with collaborators that provides the most interesting moments. Rapper Big Rube calls for resistance over a minimal orchestra swell and massed distant voices on “As it Resounds”; billy woods and Backxwash speak directly to police violence and the manipulation of white grievance over a skittering drum machine and piano motif on “Bite Back.” Mark Cisneros ties the “Out Of Style Tragedy” of domestic weaponization to victory of political and financial self-interest as the band chants Sun Ra’s “Nuclear War” in the background. Jae Matthews provides the female counterpoint to Fisher and Samuel T. Herring on the lacerating “I Can’t Stand It.” LaToya Kent speaks from the perspective of a black mother: “Burying her feelings with the men she bore to life/Her heart heavier than the body.”  On “An Echophonic Soul,” DeForrest Brown, Jr’s electronics and Patrick Shirioshi’s sax provide a keening background to an invocation of the other dead in the electric mist.

The record closes with Lee Bains III intoning, “When we die/The neighbors will bring casseroles/Drag shows will be held in our honor/… /The marchers in the boulevard will take their knee/Raise their fist/Drop their face/Silent in the midday traffic/Like a stone in a quick river/When we die, our beloved, our kinfolk/Fear not, we rise.” The song delivers a modicum of hope amid the bloodshed and culture war bullshit that drives it. At a time when black, female and queer lives and agency are being erased and their histories whitewashed, the diversity of voices and styles gives Shook astonishing power as an expression of possibility. Algiers may not have the answers but they’re damn sure asking the right questions. The material is here, heed the call.

As a sidenote, in January Queens producer King Vision Ultra released Shook World, a mix tape built on stems from Shook (supplied by Algiers) and his own sound archive featuring guests such as DJ Haram, ELUCID, Dreamcrusher and Dis Fig. It is envisioned as a companion piece rather than a remix, a conversation which broadens the scope of both records. It is well worth hearing and can be found here: https://algierstheband.bandcamp.com/album/shook-world-hosted-by-algiers

Andrew Forell

[casbooks]

Books of 2023:

Book 13 of 2023

Title: Up-Close & Personal: In-Country, Chieu Hoi, Vietnam 1969-1970 Authors: Robert C Bogison ISBN: 9781097969142 Tags: AC-47 Spooky, EOD, FSB Dirk (Vietnam War), FSB Schroeder (Vietnam War), III Corps (Vietnam), KHM Cambodia, KHM Cambodian Incursion (1970) (Vietnam War), Military Police, THA RTA Royal Thai Army, UH-1 Huey, US CIA Central Intelligence Agency, US USA 159th Transportation Bn, US USA 159th Transportation Bn - 5th Transportation Co. (Heavy Boat), US USA 18th Military Police Brigade, US USA 1st ID, US USA 212th Military Police Sentry Dog Co, US USA 25th ID, US USA 284th Military Police Co., US USA 39th Infantry Regiment, US USA 39th Infantry Regiment - 2/39, US USA 458th Transportation Corps, US USA 504th Military Police Bn., US USA 504th Military Police Bn. - 188th Military Police Co., US USA 557th Military Police Co., US USA 615th Military Police Co., US USA 716th Military Police Bn., US USA 720th Military Police Bn., US USA 720th Military Police Bn. - B Co. (Bushwhackers), US USA 89th Military Police Group, US USA 90th Replacement Bn, US USA Army Tugboats, US USA Colonel Robert A. Rheault, US USA Combat Trackers - K9, US USA Fort Gordon GA, US USA Fort Leavenworth KS - USDB CTF Correctional Training Facility, US USA Fort Leavenworth KS - USDB United States Disciplinary Barracks, US USA Fort Riley KS, US USA Fort Riley KS - CTF Correctional Traning Facility, US USA PBR Patrol Boat River, US USA Sgt. Alvin Smith, US USA ST 2122 El Cid - Small Harbor Tugboat, US USA United States Army, US USMC United States Marine Corps, USA 5th SFG, USA 9th ID, USA Green Berets, USA Special Forces, VNM 1st ID, VNM An Hoa Hung Village, VNM Bearcat Base / Long Thanh North Airfield (Vietnam War), VNM Bien Hoa, VNM Bien Hoa Airbase (Vietnam War), VNM Camp David Long (Vietnam War), VNM CIA Phung Hoang / Phoenix Program (1965-1972) (Vietnam War), VNM Cu Chi, VNM Cu Lao Ba Xe Leper Colony, VNM Da Nang, VNM Dong Nai Province, VNM Dong Nai Province - Buffalo Shack, VNM Dong Nai Province - Cogido Bridge, VNM Dong Nai Province - Duck Farm, VNM Dong Nai Province - Finger of the Land, VNM Dong Nai Province - French Fort, VNM Dong Nai Province - French Pier, VNM Dong Nai Province - Heel of the Booth, VNM Dong Nai Province - Rabbit Ears, VNM Dong Nai Province - Rice Mill, VNM Dong Nai River, VNM DRV NVA Thai Khac Chuyen / Chu Van Thai Khac, VNM Green Beret Affair (Vietnam War), VNM Highway 1, VNM Hill 15, VNM Hill 85, VNM Lai Khe, VNM LBJ Long Binh Jail - USARVIS US Army Vietnam Installation Stockade (Vietnam War), VNM Long Binh, VNM Long Binh Post (Vietnam War), VNM Michelin Rubber Plantation, VNM Operation Corral (1967) (Vietnam War), VNM Operation Stabilize (1967-1970) (Vietnam War), VNM RVN ARVN Army of the Republic of Vietnam, VNM RVN ARVN MP Quan Canh Military Police, VNM RVN ARVN RF/PF Regional Forces/Popular Forces (Vietnam War), VNM RVN RVNP Can Sat National Police, VNM Song Buong - Black River, VNM Tan Hiep, VNM Tan Mai, VNM US Project Gamma - Det B-57 - E Co (Vietnam War), VNM US USA 24th Evacuation Hospital - Long Binh (Vietnam War), VNM US USA 93rd Evacuation Hospital - Long Binh (Vietnam War), VNM USA MRF Mobile Riverine Force (Vietnam War), VNM Vung Tao Rating: ★★★★★ Subject: Books.Military.20th-21st Century.Asia.Vietnam War.US Army.Military Police Description: The Vietnam War has tormented American consciousness for more than half a hundred years, and shows no sign of flagging. Up-Close & Personal is a signal contribution to understanding that drawn-out conflict from a soldier's point of view, informed by knowledge gained from being "up-close" at the basic, ground-pounding or river-patrolling combat level. The author pulls no punches. Detail is uncompromising, hard, often excruciating. All this amid the tumult of politicized youth on the home front shouting "Make love not War" and "Tune in drop out.

Review:  I tend not to give 5 stars to books, as I like to reserve that for books that have a profound effect on me. This book qualifies and let me explain why. It's not a perfect book by any means. There are little errors here and there with spelling and such, plus the story isn't that captivating/page turning thrilling. It can even be a slog at times. So why 5 stars? Because Bogison does what few others can - he really conveys the emotional aspect of his thoughts, his feelings, his mental state, his wrestling with what to do, how to do it, what is right and what is wrong... in big decisions and small. He doesn't just tell the good, but also the bad, he explains the stuff he wrestles with and not everything gets wrapped up nice and clean and with a little bow. When I grabbed this book, I was expecting a story about a Military Police in Vietnam. I was expecting a lot of bar fights, investigations of murder and accidents, regular law enforcement stuff. By the title, I also expected discussion of the Chieu Hoi Program/Force 66 - Luc Luong 66. - Let me be clear, this book has 0 of that... none.. nada... zip zilch... NO. Instead it's a book about an MP who is assigned to correctional facilities in the US (Ft. Riley) and Vietnam (LBJ) and ends up in a very special unit of MP's that is called an Ambush and Recon unit made up of MP's instead of infantryman! Because of the location in the Delta, they also have a joint unit with PBR's and skimmers that he finds himself leading as well. It was fascinating to read, the people, the stories, the bureaucracy, and more was captivating and it left me really thinking about the choices he made and how his personality affected his life's course. His temperament is always to attack, to challenge, to push - even against those who are trying to help him. He either sits quietly or attacks ferociously even when confronted with cooler heads to learn from and imitate - he does neither. Whether it was the helicopter crash, the tug boat incident, or a handful of other stories included, one can't help but really feel what the author felt as he just did his best, and all too often memoirs like this one are more about snippets of stories, or tell you what happened but forget the human element. This one has a consistent narrative and does well to really put you in his boots, and look through his eyes.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Porridge Radio Album Review: Clouds In The Sky They Will Always Be There For Me

(Secretly Canadian)

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Dana Margolin has come out the other side of exhausting touring, a breakup, and a debilitating sense of "What now?" with Porridge Radio's best record yet. For the Brighton quartet's fourth studio album Clouds In The Sky They Will Always Be There For Me, Margolin returned to her roots as a writer and performer to alleviate burnout, embracing poetry and workshopping the songs solo like she used to do at open mic nights. She dove headfirst into not-yet fully formed material via the rawness of her emotions. It allowed her, the band (keyboardist/backing vocalist Georgie Stott, drummer/keyboardist Sam Yardley, bassist Dan Hutchins) and indie rock producer du jour Dom Monks to foster a live recording environment that allowed for intimacy and intense vulnerability. The result is one of those indie rock records like Modest Mouse's The Lonesome Crowded West, Wolf Parade's Apologies to the Queen Mary, or Black Country, New Road's Ants From Up There, whose widescreen sound gives heft to its big feelings.

Throughout Clouds In The Sky, Margolin sings lines that unfurl to reveal her headspace, often snaking into new ideas. When she delivers lines in repetition, sometimes with as little as two words, she embodies that part of all of us that tries to convince ourselves we're not about to succumb to exhaustion or the weight of our fraying sense of self. Often, she uses metaphors, like on the swaying "Lavender, Raspberries", where imperfectly layered vocals, distorted guitars, and crashing drums soundtrack a tale of someone jumping from their balcony into the river, being subsumed by both nature and the manmade. "I am the asphalt," declares Margolin, "I'll never die." A song like "God Of Everything Else", on the other hand, is more direct, a bonafide break-up song where Margolin's vocals are clear enough to cut through the grey of the strings and chugging drums. "Don't need to know where you are / You'll be hit by a wave of me," she sings triumphantly, before croakily screaming and admitting that she might not be in control after all: "I go everywhere just to get away from you."

The messy grandeur of Clouds In The Sky's instrumentation exemplifies just how much of a journey it is to reclaim one's own agency, even going so far as to recontextualize the tone of the lyrics. "In A Dream I'm A Painting" reads on paper like a love song, but the song's various builds--Margolin going from creaky falsetto to bold wail, the instrumentation from humming keyboards and steady drums to buzzsaw guitars--show an appropriately dishonest narrator. "Nothing makes me sad now, everything makes me happy," sings Margolin, in a way that you know even she's not convinced. The chintzy drones of "A Hole in the Ground" render the song's surreal imagery representing heartbreak, "The hard bits of my heart / They fall into the hole and they tear it apart," very real and borderline horrifying. And when Margolin sings with a throated cry, "I am everyone and everything / And I will run until I can reach you" on epic opener "Anybody", the song's subsequent collision of power chords and massive drum fills, keyboards pulsating like sirens, lets you know she might have failed.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention "You Will Come Home", which might be Porridge Radio's finest composition to date. Margolin details the devitalizing post-everything solitude: "I stay home seeing ghosts from the past / Giving up talking, my walls just myself and you." She and Stott repeat the ultimate reveal, "I would do anything to see what I'm waiting for," a capella, before the drums and guitar return and Margolin shouts the same line with a raspy vibrato. It's one of the most thrilling moments I've heard on a record this year, and one that previews the entirety of rejoicing album closer "Sick Of The Blues". It's here where Margolin finally feels like she's in charge, the entire band taking a victory lap. "I memorize your face," Margolin sings, clarifying, "But I can't remember," free from the leverage of depression. The band's "Where Is My Mind" style harmonics give way to an all-out massacre of riffs and cascading drums. Then, you look back and realize that on Clouds In The Sky, Margolin finds something anthemic and downright holy in the simple return to homeostasis.

[belamuse]

Me: Her purse is propped open between us, a small cavern of an altar. Matchsticks, a heart-shaped rock, the seal of The Magdalene, salt. We’re in the front pew, a place we’ve never been together but we have been here separately. I remember the view of the back of her head that godd-awful night in the old church. Her father on the stage, every seat filled to hear him confess. My hands at her back even though she didn’t know it then. My heart churning with a rage that started a week before. I’m gagging at the memory of a pious pastor yelling his indignation. I’m listening in when his second-in-command warns my then-husband. “We can never tell him about our own sin,” he says. “Look what he’ll do with a man so human.” And then I’m bouncing my baby on my lap while she sits stiff backed against a wooden pew.

[Lilith: I come to check on her every full moon, just to make sure she has some sense of not being the only woman. Moonlight slivers through ancient tree branches and you’d think there’s some sort of rule about me coming and going from the garden. There’s not. I do as I please and most of the time I please to not be in this little kingdom. But for her, I return. For her, I watch. For her, I spread salt from the Red Sea and bring fish I’ve caught with my own hands. For her, I hum songs I’ve learned from the women who come to the water to wash. For her, I slip through the shadows and leave just the slightest trace of solidarity.]

Me: But now we’re here, facing a pulpit we’ve sworn we’d never return to. Her purse is an altar and I’m sprinkling salt across the church carpet before I’m crossing an invisible line and walking my boots up those fucking stairs. I’m in all black but my lips are Amanda Lovelace red. Give ‘Em Lilith roars from the back of my left arm, Medusa stares vacant-eyed and snake-shrouded from further down. To my left, just behind my mother-in-love sits the man whose stage I’ve taken. My feet stand where he’s worn the carpet thin. My arms rest on the unholy wood of his pulpit. “Bet you never thought you’d see me here,” I wink to the crowd. And I know he’s fuming. I know he’s curdling. I know he’s seen me as his arch-nemesis for years now. I know he’s fucking furious that he can’t keep me from eulogizing my father on his stage. I know he’s live-streaming every word. And I know exactly who I am as I do it.

[Lilith: They’d tell you she was banished. They’d tell you I was banished, too. But what they won’t admit is that we delivered ourselves from the tomb of the garden over long periods of time. We took little bites of fruit over years, letting it build resolve in our bodies and a reservoir of iron in our veins. We shaped our agency long and scaled along our arms, coated our chests in salt and clay. We burrowed below the tree, suckling from the river that fed it. We passed reclaimed names between one another in the dark. “Inanna,” we whispered. “Ninlil,” we chanted. We have remembered who we are.]

Me: My voice does not shake. My love does not waver. And I am a woman on fire. Lanterns flicker from the rafters, candles lit against the dark of a man built cave. Reclaimed souls catch in the light and I am certain of every one of them. A coven swings from the ceiling, fills the corners, stamps their feet into the ground just to my right. And far in the back a woman I’ve known all my life nods furiously all the way through my eulogy. I’m… surprised. But maybe I’m not shocked. Haven’t we always been moving in this direction? Haven’t we always been so close to taking it all back?

[Lilith: The sound of feet following after us echoes everywhere we go. Arm in arm, an unlikely duo, but we were always going to end up this way. “They’re dangerous,” they’ll say about us. “They’ll convince you sin is freedom.” And so the liberated ones willingly pick up their nets to follow. Wild creatures swallow the seeds and drink from the river, bodies becoming trees of life all on their own. She has salt in her hair now, a golden twin to my dark mass, and we take to the full moon again and again, silver water lapping against our bare skin floating starfish wide on the surface. “Hello,” we say to the women and kurgarra slipping over the banks. “Welcome to the church of the wild.”]

Me: Weeks later the pastor responds to an email and insists he only did what the lord told him to do. “I returned to the verse we use when battling demons,” he insists. And I know what he is implying. I know what burned in his chest while I spoke from his spot. I know he saw Lilith standing dressed in black and all red-lipped at that pulpit. I know his homophobia rots inside his shame, his transphobia stinks in the cesspool of his misogyny. And he is not a man who weeps when he hears he’s caused harm. He is a man who stews in self-righteousness, who vomits at the thought of a world without power for men like him. I have never used his name when I tell the gospel truth, but I’ll admit I had one thought as he took the stage after me - when he lounged against the pulpit like a casual good ‘ol boy, took a knife to the still bleeding wound in my boy’s belly and dug in hard - I thought, “Would you like me to start?”

[Lilith: “A succubus,” they call me now. “Mother of demons, queen of hell, dark witch.” And I don’t really care what title they’ve given me as long as I’m free. I rinse the names from my skin every morning, coat myself in salt again and again. I pop the seeds of forbidden fruit between my teeth, stain my lips pomegranate red, and let the juices run down my chest. I’m warm in the sun of a life I chose, quick to welcome other wanderers to a haven claimed just for them. I never say his name out loud. He’s never earned the esteem. But I wonder what it’s like to live in his rotten mind where sinners suffer a hell he’s created for them. I wonder what it’s like to live with indignation and putrid shame filling the air every second of every day. I wonder if someday he’ll admit he eats a knockoff fruit every night in the dark glow of his own pain. I don’t care what he calls me or how afraid he is of me returning again. I don’t just rival his power. I rival his godd’s. And I suspect that is what he is most afraid of.]

Written from yesterday’s Lilith Returned prompt: This week the invitation is to write the Abrahamic version of Lilith’s story from outside the patriarchal lens. Give us the same outline, but remove the villain arc. Write her as a refugee of an oppressive garden and a controlling husband. Consider what might be different if you simply change the lens or the setting.I’d challenge you to really lean into the universal experience of women and nonbinary kin who leave religious patriarchy. What has always been the same for us? What narrative have we been pushing uphill all this time?And what happens if we just step to the side and let that fucking boulder roll downhill?What happens if the devil is just some guy? What happens if Lilith was never the mother of demons? What if she was just the First Wife who got out?