#GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE SARAH
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Timgu 🐧
#LOOK AT THOSE LONG LIMBS#I WANT TO CLIMB HIM#🐧#GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE SARAH#OOF#LOOK AT HIM WADDLING#he's such a dork#bless him#BUT I'M STILL SIDE EYEING HIM#tim laurence#timothy laurence
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We're sisters who pray together, play together, speakin' our truth to whoever can be arsed to listen.
SARAH KAMEELA IMPEY as SAIRA SHERWANI WE ARE LADY PARTS SERIES 1 Written & directed by Nida Manzoor
#walpedit#We Are Lady Parts#Saira Sherwani#Sarah Kameela Impey#tiffanyachings#my gifs#okay i wanted to use this show to get back into giffing and do all five of them before the new series comes out#i got one out of five done so yay me i guess#anyway go watch this show it's so fucking good
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genuinely one of the most life-ruining things i've seen today. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuyck what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck what t the fuck what in the fucking fucking fuck seriously what the fuck im about to start screaming what the fuck what the fuck dnt you know how abnormal i am about them what the motherfucking fuck aHELP ME
#i need to be medically sedated.#all i wanted out of this season was an acknowledgement about those two and how they're dealing without their dad#and i wanted at least one conversation#and i got both#PLUS THIS#what fo you fucking MEAN we finally get a childhood snapshot of rafe and sarah im about to be so violently ill do you understand how#important this is to me#we are on the raod to reconciliation babey#thank you jesus and also god#sarah cameron#rafe cameron#outer banks season 4#obx s4 spoilers#outer banks#mine
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AND QUITE SUDDENLY I REMEMBERED / I HAD BEEN HERE BEFORE
I’D STOOD ON THIS SAME HILL / I KNEW THE VALLEY OF WHICH I LOOKED
#the mandela catalogue#mandela catalogue#tmc#mark heathcliff#adam murray#sarah heathcliff#evelin miller#jonah marshall#thatcher davis#cesar torres#archangel gabriel#the intruder#god this took me so long.#it shot me out of art block tho so thats good#if you understand why i gave them all these specific cards#you get a gold star sticker :)#i need an art tag like desperately. but im lazy so L#sorry if this fucks up your feed layout#idk how tumblr works so if it does i apologize#zerbs art
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Kingdom of Ash Chapter 61
Chapter; Highlights (okay the entire chapter is a highlight)🤣
As requested @mysterylilycheeta I NEED TO SQUEAL IN WYVERN FANGIRL WITH YOU NOW CAUSE OH M GOODNESS THIS CHAPTER ON SO MANY LEVELS I JUST AHAKWIHUHFEJLZXBKEKA
Agony was a song in Lorcan's blood, his bones, his breath.
Every step of the horse, every leap she made over body and debris, sent it ringing afresh. There was no end, no mercy from it. It was all he could do to keep in the saddle, to cling to consciousness.
To keep his arm around Elide.
She had come for him. Had found him, somehow, on this endless battlefield.
His name on her lips had been a summons he could never deny, even when death had held him so gently, nestled beneath all those he'd felled, I, and waited for his last breaths.
And now, charging toward that too-distant keep, so far behind the droves of soldiers and riders racing for the gates, he wondered if these minutes would be his last. Her last.
She had come for him.
Lorcan managed to glance toward the dam on their right. Toward the ruk rider signaling that it was only a matter of minutes until it unleashed hell over the plain.
He didn't know how it had become weakened. Didn't care.
Still Elide kept urging the horse onward, kept them on as straight a path toward the distant keep as possible.
No ruk would come to sweep them up. No, his luck had been spent in surviving this long, in her finding him. His power would do nothing against that water.
The farthest lines of panicked soldiers appeared, and Farasha charged past them.
Elide let out a sob, and he followed the line of her sight.
To the keep gate, still open.
"Faster, Farasha!" She didn't hide the raw terror in her voice, the desperation.
Once the dam broke, it would take less than a minute for the tidal wave to reach them.
She had come for him. She had found him.
The world went quiet. The pain in his body faded into nothing. Into something secondary.
Lorcan slid his other arm around Elide, bringing his mouth close to her ear as he said, "You have to let me go."
Each word was gravelly, his voice strained nearly to the point of uselessness.
Elide didn't shift her focus from the keep ahead. "No."
That gentle quiet flowed around him, clearing the fog of pain and battle. "You have to. You have to, Elide. I'm too heavy-and without my weight, you might make it to the keep in time."
"No." The salt of her tears filled his nose.
Lorcan brushed his mouth over her damp cheek, ignoring the roaring pain in his body. The horse galloped and galloped, as if she might outrace death itself.
"I love you," he whispered in Elide's ear. "I have loved you from the moment you picked up that axe to slay the ilken." Her tears flowed past him in the wind. "And I will be with you ..." His voice broke, but he made himself say the words, the truth in his heart. "I will be with you always."
He was not frightened of what would come for him once he tumbled off the horse. He was not frightened at all, if it meant her reaching the keep.
So Lorcan kissed Elide's cheek again, allowed himself to breathe in her scent one last time. "I love you," he repeated, and began to withdraw his arms from around her waist.
Elide slapped a hand onto his forearm. Dug in her nails, right into his skin, fierce as any ruk.
"No."
There were no tears in her voice. Nothing but solid, unwavering steel.
"No," she said again. The voice of the Lady of Perranth.
Lorcan tried to move his arm, but her grip would not be dislodged.
If he tumbled off the horse, she would go with him.
Together. They would either outrun this or die together.
"Elide-"
But Elide slammed her heels into the horse's sides.
Slammed her heels into the dark flank and screamed, "FLY, FARASHA." She cracked the reins. "FLY, FLY, FLY!"
And gods help her, that horse did.
As if the god that had crafted her filled the mare's lungs with his own breath, Farasha gave a surge of speed.
Faster than the wind. Faster than death.
Farasha cleared the first of the fleeing Darghan cavalry. Passed desperate horses and riders at an all-out gallop for the gates.
Her mighty heart did not falter, even when Lorcan knew it was raging to the point of bursting.
Less than a mile stood between them and the keep.
But a thunderous, groaning crack cleaved the world, echoing off the lake, the mountains.
There was nothing he could do, nothing that brave, unfaltering horse could do, as the dam ruptured.
Rowan made himself stand there, to watch the last moments of the Lady of Perranth and his former commander. It was all he could offer: witnessing their deaths, so he might tell the story to those he encountered. So they would not be forgotten.
The roaring of the oncoming wave became deafening, even from miles away.
Still Elide and Lorcan raced, Farasha passing horse after horse after horse.
Even up here, would they escape the wave's reach? Rowan dared to survey the battlements, to assess if he needed to get the others, needed to get Aelin, to higher ground.
But Aelin was not at his side.
She was not on the battlement at all.
Rowan's heart halted. Simply stopped beating as a ruddy-brown ruk dropped from the skies, spearing for the center of the plain.
Arcas, Borte's ruk. A golden-haired woman dangling from his talons.
Aelin. Aelin was—
Arcas neared the earth, talons splaying.
Aelin hit the ground, rolling, rolling, until she uncoiled to her feet.
Right in the path of that wave.
"Oh gods," Fenrys breathed, seeing her, too.
They all saw her.
The queen on the plain.
The endless wall of water surging for her.
The keep stones began shuddering. Rowan threw out a hand to brace himself, fear like nothing he had known ripping through him as Aelin lifted her arms above her head.
A pillar of fire shot up around her, lifting her hair with it.
The wave roared and roared for her, for the army behind her.
The shaking in the keep was not from the wave.
It was not from that wall of water at all.
Cracks formed in the earth, splintering across it. Spiderwebbing from Aelin.
"The hot springs," Chaol breathed. "The valley floor is full of veins into the earth itself."
Into the burning heart of the world.
The keep shook, more violently this time.
The pillar of fire sucked back into Aelin.
She held out a hand before her, her fist closed.
As if it would halt the wave in its tracks.
He knew then. Either as her mate or carranam, he knew.
"Three months," Rowan breathed.
The others stilled.
"Three months," he said again, his knees wobbling. "She's been making the descent into her power for three months."
Every day she had been with Maeve, bound in iron, she had gone deeper. And she had not tapped too far into that power since they'd freed her because she had kept making the plunge.
To gather up the full might of her magic.
Not for the Lock, not for Erawan.
But for Maeve's death blow.
A few weeks of descent had taken her powers to devastating levels. Three months of it
…
Holy gods. Holy rutting gods.
And when her fire hit the wall of water now towering over her, when they collided —
"GET DOWN!" Rowan bellowed, over the screaming waters. "GET DOWN NOW!"
His companions dropped to the stones, any within earshot doing the same.
Rowan plummeted into his power. Plummeted into it fast and hard, ripping out any remaining shred of magic.
Elide and Lorcan were still too far from the gates. Thousands of soldiers were still too far from the gates as the wave crested above them.
As Aelin opened her hand toward it.
Fire erupted.
Cobalt fire. The raging soul of a flame.
A tidal wave of it.
Taller than the raging waters, it blasted from her, flaring wide.
The wave slammed into it. And where water met a wall of fire, where a thousand years of confinement met three months of it, the world exploded.
Blistering steam, capable of melting flesh from bone, shot across the plain.
With a roar, Rowan threw all that remained of his magic toward the onslaught of steam, a wall of wind that shoved it toward the lake, the mountains.
Still the waters came, breaking against the flames that did not so much as yield an inch.
Maeve's death blow. Spent here, to save the army that might mean Terrasen's salvation. To spare the lives on the plain.
Rowan gritted his teeth, panting against his fraying power. A burnout lurked, deadly close.
The raging wave threw itself over and over and over into the wall of flame.
Rowan didn't see if Elide and Lorcan made it into the keep. If the other soldiers and riders on the plain stopped to gape.
Princess Hasar said, rising beside him, "That power is no blessing."
"Tell that to your soldiers," Fenrys snarled, standing, too.
"I did not mean it that way," Hasar snipped, and awe was indeed stark on her face.
Rowan leaned against the battlements, panting hard as he fought to keep the lethal steam from flowing toward the army. As he cooled and sent it whisking away.
Solid hands slid under his arms, and then Fenrys and Gavriel were there, propping him up between them.
A minute passed. Then another.
The wave began to lower. Still the fire burned.
Rowan's head pounded, his mouth going dry.
Time slipped from him. A coppery tang filled his mouth.
The wave lowered farther, raging waters quieting. Then roaring turned to lapping, rapids into eddies.
Until the wall of flame began to lower, too. Tracking the waters down and down and down. Letting them seep into the cracks of the earth.
Rowan's knees buckled, but he held on to his magic long enough for the steam to lessen.
For it, too, to be calmed.
It filled the plain, turning the world into drifting mist. Blocking the view of the queen in its center.
Then silence. Utter silence.
Fire flickered through the mist, blue turning to gold and red. A muted, throbbing glow.
Rowan spat blood onto the battlement stones, his breath like shards of glass in his throat.
The glowing flames shrank, steam rippling past. Until there was only a slim pillar of fire, veiled in the mist-shrouded plain.
Not a pillar of fire.
But Aelin.
Glowing white-hot. As if she had given herself so wholly to the flame that she had become fire herself.
The Fire-Bringer someone whispered down the battlements.
The mist rippled and billowed, casting her into nothing but a glowing effigy.
The silence turned reverent.
A gentle wind from the north swept down. The veil of mist pulled back, and there she was.
She glowed from within. Glowed golden, tendrils of her hair floating on a phantom wind.
"Mala's Heir," Yrene breathed.
Down on the plain, Elide and Lorcan had halted.
The wind pushed away more of the drifting mist, clearing the land beyond Aelin.
And where that mighty, lethal wave had loomed, where death had charged toward them, nothing remained at all.
For three months, she had sung to the darkness and the flame, and they had sung back.
For three months, she had burrowed so deep inside her power that she had plundered undiscovered depths. While Maeve and Cairn had worked on her, she had delved. Never letting them know what she mined, what she gathered to her, day by day by day.
A death blow. One to wipe a dark queen from the earth forever.
She'd kept that power coiled in herself even after she'd been freed from the irons. Had struggled to keep it down these weeks, the strain enormous. Some days, it had been easier to barely speak. Some days, swaggering arrogance had been her key to ignoring it.
Yet when she had seen that wave, when she had seen Elide and Lorcan choosing death together, when she had seen the army that might save Terrasen, she'd known. She'd felt the fire sleeping under this city, and knew they had come here for a reason.
She had come here for this reason.
A river still flowed from the dam, harmless and small, wending toward the lake.
Nothing more.
Aelin lifted a glowing hand before her as blessed, cooling emptiness filled her at last.
Slowly, starting from her fingertips, the glow faded.
As if she were forged anew, forged back into her body.
Back into Aelin.
Clarity, sharp and crystal clear, filled its wake. As if she could see again, breathe again.
Inch by inch, the golden glow faded into skin and bone. Into a woman once more.
Already, a white-tailed hawk launched skyward.
But as the last of the glow faded, disappearing out through her toes, Aelin fell to her knees.
Fell to her knees in the utter silence of the world, and curled onto her side.
She had the vague sense of strong, familiar arms scooping her up. Of being carried onto a broad feathery back, still in those arms.
Of soaring through the skies, the last of the mist rippling away into the afternoon sun.
And then sweet darkness.
#Chapter 61#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Lorcan Salvaterre#Elide Lochan#Elorcan#Aelin Galathynius#Chaol Westfall#Rowan Whitethorn#Fenrys Moonbeam#Gavriel#First Read along with me NO SPOILERS PLEASE though warning for post & tags up to KoA 61 & more reacts/notes/quotes in tags below#Agony was in his very blood-Summons-She had come for him-Let go.No.Always?-She came this far-THANK YOU ELIDE-The voice of Perranth#My lady-Together till the end-if only the horse could Fly-A prayer-Made himself watch-But Aelin-hell yes-So he might tell the story#Not forgotten-For her friends-To get Aelin-Where was she?MY HEART-The shaking was her-The springs-He knew-Three months#Every single day-But for Maeve’s meant for Maeve-she knew he’d know-his power the counteracting-GET FUCKING DOWN-She had not given up#A thousand years for here months endured & one moment-Spent here-To save them-Burnout or Blessing-UTTER Awe-A miracle#A curse to enemies-All of them really-she drained the bank & there he was-THE FIRE BRINGER-glowing blinding white out for the world#she became the flame-Master of death-heir of Fire-Nothing remained-That’s what was eating her alive-Its grief but more-she was still—#capturing flame-She didnt want2lose it either-It was all of it-But also Aelin had a plan-be glad4it-They would save them she didnt need it#Back to Aelin-She began fighting-Quiet-Fell to what he knows-Sweet darkness-the power dive#No.#You know it’s bad when Rowan’s prayingWhen even Yrene is praying but not save to give peace&painless ends but Aelin’s off to save the day#Not for the Lock not for Erawan. But for Maeve's death blow. & now to save Elide; Marion would be proud#the way he’s thinking about I’ve gotta get Aelin out of here#Into the burning heart of the world. — the world shuddered#Aelin I am a god Galathynius-The raging soul of a flame-thats her-shed made the final descent right then for Elide-Rowan plummeted for her#Spent here to save the army that might mean Terrasens salvation-not2kill2spareNoblessinNocurseMiracleWomanA war won-friends held him up#One hell of a rumor-Gentle from the north-Malas Heir-she had sung to the darkness&flame&they had sung backthe same story#GETDOWN.Back into Aelin he was there there how did he get there so fast?sweet darkness 1 last time
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journey’s end au where the doctor tries to kick everyone off the TARDIS and they just go, ‘???? no?’ and won’t leave. can’t be stupid and think everyone will leave you when they won’t get out of your house.
#the doctor is simultaneously so happy about this and SO annoyed. get out of his house!!! this is his tardis!!!!#(tentoo voice) OUR tardis. (doctor voice) MY TARDIS!!!!!#rose and martha and donna and jack are literally having a girls night in the same room as this argument#sarah jane was invited but did not join them. autisms.#however mickey and her have been bonding and the doctor feels so betrayed. sarah jane is supposed to be on his side!!!#can’t even complain to the metal dog. k-9 is still busy.#(sarah jane voice) oh i should invite luke and his friends- (doctor voice) NO CHILDREN ON MY SHIP#((tentoo voice. from the other room.) OUR ship)#jack manages to sneak ianto and gwen on board before sarah jane gets the bannerman gang in simply because torchwood is easier wrangled than#literal children (not saying much)#how does gwen manage to sneak rhys on that one time? no one’s really sure. he didn’t stay on very long but it was long enough for jack to#lose a bet.#i think only jackie leaves but NOT before she and tentoo and rose have established interdimensional facetime so that she can phone her#daughter and her son-in-law and her guy-who-her-son-in-law-is-cloned-from#(doctor voice) donna i need to erase ur memories ur brain will explode otherwise (rose from across the room) hey didnt i absorb something#that would explode my brain once. i still have my memories. (donna voice) YEAH DOCTOR CARE TO EXPLAIN THAT????#donna metacrisis is solved because jack says ‘fuck it let me eat the metacrisis somehow it probably wont kill me’ and then he glows for like#a week but he’s fine.#he is literally never getting rid of any of them. get found family-ed idiot#(god wait funniest fucking thing if end of time happens here and the master’s plans are completely derailed because he gets tackled by seven#different companions. kicking him while he’s on the ground while the doctor goes D:)#doctor who#tardis family au
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I'm not gonna change So stay out of my way I don't need you to understand That I'm already saved
Every time I comm @commander-sarahs-art I think she can't POSSIBLY get better than the last time AND YET she continually blows it out of the water!!!
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#bg3 tav#tav#art: xuna#xunacore#xuna u will live forever babygirl#L + ratio + +6 persuasion proficiency + +6 persuasion expertise + +2 voice of the circle + 1d4 guidance get FUCKED#literally OBSESSED with this one sarah always knows how to translate my ideas and make a fucking banger out of them
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My farmer arc
#yeah its way to late in the year to be hatching but this is florida where crackheads and repu-#anyways it doesnt get truly cold until january and they will be fully feathered by then#they have a mom#and she is UH WARM#shes a silkie so you know brooding powerhouse#my mom's silkies actually#these guys arent mine but she dont mess with them and Sarah wanted to brood on a clutch so i let her#FIRST TIME TOO SHE DID GREAT the other 3 eggs are a little younger so they will probably pip tomorrow#only one death and it was from an unobsorbed yolk#being medicated has been fucking fantastic i have a normal relationship with the internet so far and i have been like....idk healtheir?#still haveing heath problems like CURRENTLY RIGHT NOW AS IM TYPING IM IN PAIN but like overall mental health is FANTASITC i dont feel manic#anymore at all its just nice and good and ive gotten out of the years long brain fog ive had for the most part it seems#sorry for the turbo haiatus but i said before i post on my own terms for drwwings and comic#i have to thank you all with being very patient with me so eveeyone gets a cute Chick picture
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oh, i figured out aya's skill.
#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd aya#ngl this like is making me lose my mind because she's had one this entire time#and it's so fucking obvious in retrospect#but was like. was introduced. slowly. it was not really obvious at first. but you can look back and see how it's present even in the ova.#anyway i don't mean to tease but i wrote out about a third of the theory and then started cracking open other parts of the story with sarah#and now i'm exhausted so i'm going to sleep#but i am certain. like there is no doubt in my mind. that i know what aya's skill is. it fits textually and metatextually#and explains a cryptic comment asagiri made in an interview.#where he said watch aya. like. most of what's been incredible has been obvious.#but no. you can see her skill. and it's SUCH a love letter to aya koda.#in a way i was worried he wouldn't pull off. because it felt like her skill was going to manifest from the stress. and it would be like op.#which isn't. who she was. she was a subtler sort of brilliant. one who exemplified virtue. and this skill is so. it's so good. it's fitting#it also explains akutagawa's dragon outfit.#like. there are a lot of theories i've had that are theories. this is not one of them. we might get the confirmation next chapter.#unfortunately i will need to lay out some confucian concepts for it to make sense. hence why i'm saving this for later. but i'm.#asagiri is insane i want to pick his brain and also follow him around like mary magdalene and learn from him.
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i really am the kind of bitch who loves reading textbooks huh
#not to be obnoxious but i totally do#i keep saying i don't have time for recreational reading but my biochem textbook? organic chem? physics? psych? chem????#i WILL get burned out eventually. i will. but rn i'm having sm fun w my full study days.#absolutely salivating to start sarah bakewell's at the existentialist cafe soon#a stack is sitting in my bookcase waiting to be read. i miss reading like i used to. i miss it sm#but i just got done w an intense study session and so. much. serotonin#i've just been studying and working out and taking walks and applying my lip balm and spritzing on a yummy perfume and vibing to music#and. as always. minding my own fucking business#studying and consuming knowledge is actually part of my self care routine. if i don't i feel like utter shit#someone talk science w me i would literally fall in love w u#p
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the worst part of this job is client interaction because i can really be out here asking y/n questions and my client will literally tell me every single thing EXCEPT the answer to my question
#i am AT MY LIMIT AGAIN MY DUDES#all i wanted to know from my client was 1) is there a problem with the tenants vacating because i am getting the vibe it's a Problem#and 2) if there is no problem when is the move-out date#this is just so i can draft this stupid settlement deed right#it's all information i need like if i could do without this i WOULD just so i wouldn't have to claw information out of my client-#-like it's killing him to tell me things that i actually have to know to be able to do the work he's engaged me to do#and he went on a whole spiel about how he's going to take opposing counsel to the law society like ?????????????????#buddy can we go one step at a time#that side track went on for almost ten mins and i was actively trying to turn the convo back!!! but we got back to the main issue!!#and i PRY that information out of him by baiting him to answer like i'm fucking cross-examining at trial#and come to this conclusion that it sounds like the tenants ARE vacating on the 29th#to attempt to get a firm answer i go 'okay so the tenants WILL vacate that's what you're telling me?? there's no problem??'#and he said 'under the tenancy act we can't force them to leave'#WHAT DOES THIS MEAN#BUDDY YOU'RE KILLING ME#what's a nice law job where i don't have to talk to people#work stories#sarah talks about herself
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not to be like "angelique did nothing wrong" but i think angelique has a hell of a lot more compelling motivations for her actions than barnabas ever did.
#this fandom does not want to admit the collinses are bad people. but i do. they suck ❤️#if they piss off a witch accidentally because this time the employee you were sexually exploiting for your own amusement#without offering the social/material/cultural benefits of marriage (or. yknow. emotional/romantic); turns out to be able to fuck you up?#well. damn. that sucks for you. stop workplace harassing. learn from your mistakes (they won't)#why were you in the french caribbean; huh? what were you doing there? where did the du pres money come from? let's speak on that.#where did the collinses get lucrative contacts with landowning french people in the west indies?#like. OBVIOUSLY sarah did not ''deserve'' her death as an innocent ... but do i think killing Innocence as representative of what happened#to ang .. and josette ... AND martinique ... makes sense? well. yes.
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the honest to god worship of kenny in some twdg spaces needs to be studied... are we forgetting the everything about him being a complex and nuanced character or am i just insane. this man is NOT a hero he is literally just on a downward spiral
#and like i really appreciate him as a character and his arc in season one is good#but he's. so fucking flawed. like arguably more so or equal to jane#people get pissed at jane for advocating for killing sarah but kenny literally gets angry as hell at lee if he saves ben???#This Is The Same Situation Some of You Just Hate Women!!!!!#he gets on my nerves so much... the way he treats lee when you don't kill anyone he doesn't like#he's. A deeply broken man. Thats for sure !#and don't get me wrong i'm not a kenny hater but the fandom's treatment of him#(especially on reddit and instagram)#Makes me WANT TO EXPLODE#STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!!#like he is not the hero people paint him out to be. Compelling?? yes!#Good sometimes??? Yeah!!!!!#he's a conflicting character sometimes you love him sometimes you hate him. most times i am angry with him.#idk it just pisses me off times a million when even the official walking dead accounts feed into this#give me the skybound instagram account login details for 1 day and i will reverse everything that these people think#twdg#idk#tag rant
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i made this stupid mandela catalog inspired doodle n u all must see it
context under cut
this is so stupid but i love it
#mandela catalouge#mandela catalouge volume 4#<-this was about adam n sarah texting#i am actually watching all of mandela catalouge rn#i ran out of house to watch so im finally watching thru it all bcs i think its neat :3#i like this kinda horror even tho it freaks me the fuck out the most#the concept of stuff taking your identity but more imporantl its just the warped faces they use in it#idc how “cringey” or cliche they r to some ppl they get me and i am here for it#boiling doodles
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priest: i don't, ah, quite know what to say to you. if you are in such terrible danger, why are you taking it all so calmly? constantine: hmh! i dunno, father. i had a bloke beaten to a pulp earlier this evening. that sound calm to you? priest: you did what...? constantine: i must've been off me bleedin' rocker. i've never done anything like it before in me life, y'know?
constantine: but there's header gets his guts blown out, and george is stickin' his head in the noose, and helen gets ... jesus, then friggin' sarah bites me head off — ! everything's coming to bits in me hands and it's so easy to just see red and now, shit, they could've killed the tosser for all i know! and now i'm just like the bastards i've hated all me life! kill him! fire him! close them down! piss all over him! screw you, i can do whatever i want! i so much as blink and you're dead, pal! i'm in charge!! ...
constantine: 'scuse me, father. i'm always like this when i don't get me own way. — hellblazer #81, "rake at the gates of hell pt. 4"
babygirl you are just....so, sooooo offputting. (and grieving, and guilty, and terrified, but yeah: offputting.)
anyway, it's issues like this one that remind me why i kind of hesitate over some of the retcons in the recent spurrier runs, like the one with him now having opened dream's pouch of sand and stolen some before they even met. because like, it's easy enough to look at john constantine now — with 70 years of worst possible choices and unresolved trauma crystallizing underneath his skin to cover up all the soft, hopeful bits where he's used to getting hit — and assign him arbiter of ill intentions, magus of wasted potential, saint of shit choices, but man . . . he was new to this, once. he was still new to this 80 issues in.
80 issues in, and he's not used to losing friends yet; he even has time enough between catastrophes to grieve each individual one. still has enough left to live for at this stage to necessitate running and hiding, instead of bodily throwing himself at the problem like he learns to later, or sitting apathetically by to do nothing except smoke and watch the world fall apart when he finally gives up. fuck, he still apologizes.
and you're telling me this guy, this soppy wet cat motherfucker hiding from the devil in a church basement, so guilty over not knowing what happened to the guy that he paid people (paid chas, so chas could pay people) to attack that the bottle he's holding in this scene isn't even his second or third........this guy's past, more innocent self lied right to the face of DREAM OF THE ENDLESS and got away with it?
hm. i just don't know about all that.
#also this is where my headcanons tag is from <3#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#( visage. ) AND I'M A BASTARD.#( character study. ) A WALKING PLAGUE OF A MAN.#sometimes i just think that. people really like to reduce constantine down to one or two things#and somehow. after 250 issues of putting his life on the line bc he could never really make himself look away from people suffering#the soft sullen guilty person who wants so fucking desperately to be a better man? is never one of those two things#idk man. i think about this issue all the time#if i put these pages side-by-side with his grief in hellblazer 2? with his grief in hellblazer 213? 215? during the empathy virus arc?#it becomes CRYSTAL clear that the guy we know at the end of hellblazer isn't someone the guy who sat vigil for gary lester would recognize#in fact i think he's someone that hellblazer 81 constantine would fucking Hate#ANYway yeah. i don't think he lied to dream about the pouch. i don't think he ever got it open. i don't think that's canon for me#i want him to fucking Earn his asshole nature. the hard way. by making All The Wrong Choices that it took to get him there#he paved that road with good intentions himself but. he also used to remember the ones he started with#idk if i'm making sense but i have had this panel open on my laptop for Two Months now#bc i can never stop thinking about how fucking crushed he is here to realize that he might be exactly as bad a man as sarah said he was#and how little it will surprise him later on to learn that he is Easily capable of So Much Fuckin Worse#and with that your honor the defense rests. our evidence? just. just Look at this fuckin guy#scopophobia /#scopophobia#eye contact /#eye contact tw
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I really love The Magic Thief because Conn is such an enticing protagonist (all sassy and snarky but 90% of it is his internal narration, not spoken aloud, he observes so much, and he's clever!) and also because Nevery, despite his seeming aloofness and the *gestures* crotchety old wizard vibes of him, he's JUST as chaotic as Conn
#the magic thief#sarah prineas#the letter to the duchess: hey im back to help you out. if you dont like it ill leave you to deal with the proble. (you need me willa lol)#duchess letter back: fine but NO PYROTECHNIC EXPERIMENTS THIS TIME#nevery to conn later: ill teach you magic if youll teach me lockpicking#nevery is a force of chaotic good disguised as a crotchety old man#this is why he and conn get on so well#conn is a force of chaotic good who has never tried being anything but#nevery just knows how to sass with plausible deniability#i fucking love them both#''if you deem that twenty years' banishment is enough''
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