#Forgive me if I wax poetic on this subject.

[honored-worm-king]

Greetings, Worm King! I hope you’re having a nice evening. I assume, from your recent posts that your relationship with Vanus has changed..quite a bit? It seems that you are no longer enemies, of course . Please forgive my curiosity…but If you don't mind a personal question, how is your relationship with the Great Mage now? Are you guys getting through your problems, have you managed to forgive each other? Has it become something... more?

And greetings to you, wherever you may be.

I do not begrudge your curiosity. I have not exactly been secretive in my writings here, after all. I only request that what is divulged here remain between friends, as it were. It simply would not do to have any prying authorities searching for my location — or my associates.

Allow me, then, to explain. Vanus and I have indeed undergone quite the recent changes in our relationship. More precisely, that we have one now. We have agreed to put aside our past differences and attempt to rebuild our previous friendship, and then some. We are no longer enemies, but partners. In order for us to even attempt this, I was required to come to terms with some aspects and facts about myself that I had been keeping buried for quite some time.

To greatly simply a complex emotional reckoning, some few years ago, I was presented with a crisis. I was… quite shocked, to not only be informed that our shared mentor, the late Ritemaster Iachesis, had passed, but to learn that no one had told me so for several years, because they assumed that I would not care. I reflected deeply upon what brought me so far from the person I once was, and why I truly pursued necromancy so intently. I decided that the pursuit of personal power to the destruction of all else was no longer worth it. I abandoned my previous life, and began to live in quiet seclusion, as something of a “recovery” period.

In the meantime, Vanus and I… reconnected. I apologized for the wrong I had done him, knowing that I could not change it, but vowing to attempt to be better going forward. I was unambiguously thrilled to have him accept those terms.

I still have many faults. I am selfish, vain, temperamental, and can still be quite ruthless, though now more often in words than actions. I am still the mer who once claimed himself to be the King of Worms, god in the making. But that is no longer entirely me. I am still growing, even after some six centuries of life. Such is life’s nature; change, and adaptation.

For now, I am simply pleased to go through that process with someone dear to me at my side.

[freckledsokka]

wip wednesday

a wee snippet of the self-indulgent tense-fuckery zukka fic i'm working on that no one asked for! most of this fic is sokka (ghost sokka? spirit sokka? who knows) waxing poetic about zuko grieving him, but i wrote this scene with korra for a touch of levity (while still being a little angsty).

note: this is NOT a reader fic. do not let the use of "you" fool you. this is fully from sokka's pov as if he's narrating this to zuko.

"You remind me of him," you tell the Avatar, something wistful tugging at the corner of your mouth, reaching to the creases of your eyes. Korra looks almost bashful, or maybe just flattered. "I get that a lot," she says quietly, as if it's a sore subject but she doesn't want to offend you by mentioning it. You smile at her, warm and reassuring. "I don't mean Aang." "Oh." She sounds surprised, which quickly gives way to embarrassed when you offer her an encouraging smirk to help the thought along. "Oh," she says again, nearly in a different octave. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I should have realized that's — of course, that's who you meant." She laughs nervously, waving her hand vaguely at herself. "Southern Water Tribe, duh." "It's not just that," you tell her, and her nervous energy seems to settle a little at the calm, smooth tone of your voice. "You have the same tenacity, the same spirit. He would be proud to see the Avatar you've become."

Korra is quiet for a moment, either out of respect or simply a loss for words. Then she smiles, a little sheepishly but no less grateful to be honored in such a way. "Tenzin told me he — the Chief? — was with you and my father the night the Red Lotus tried to kidnap me." She looks away, guilt seeping into the set of her shoulders, the way she wraps her arms across her chest. "I'm sorry, I — Did he —?" She glances back, eyes bright, pleading for some kind of forgiveness she doesn't need to be given. "Was it my fault?"

"Korra," you say slowly, frowning, placing a gentle hand on her arm. "What did Tenzin tell you? The Red Lotus had nothing to do with Sokka's passing."

Her eyes go wide. "Really? But he made it sound like — I mean, my dad became Head Chieftain not long after that, I thought —"

You can't help the chuckle low in the back of your throat, a rumble of distant thunder, warm as a summer storm. "No, Korra. Sokka never was particularly suited to be Chief. He felt it was time to pass it on, is all. That, and he felt he could do more good behind the scenes, or through his work in Republic City. But, more often than not, he was with me. Those years were some of our best." 

Korra lets out a trill of nerves, huffing in relief. "Thank the Spirits." A beat, the haunted look of someone who is technically thousands of years old yielding to the vulnerability of someone barely out of her teens carrying the weight of the Spirit and human worlds on her shoulders, knowing she is the reason your — our — friend is gone. This is the cycle we were all prepared for, and yet — "Is that why I barely remember him? Didn't he ever visit Katara at the compound? Why didn't he ever say hello?"

"I wish I could tell you, Korra, but he never gave me his reasons." A wry smile. "I'm sorry if I kept him from you."

Korra twists her mouth, setting her jaw defiantly. "Lord Zuko, if I may —" She isn't really asking permission and you know this, but you nod anyway. "That's bullshit, and you know it. He was your husband. Don't tell me you didn't know just because he didn't tell you."

Your mouth twitches knowingly, even as your expression remains impressively neutral. "I had my suspicions, of course."

"Which were?" Korra presses.

If she weren't the Avatar, I suspect you would've said something along the lines of None of your damn business or Nothing to concern yourself about. Being the Avatar still has its perks in dragging honesty out of you, it seems. Still, you manage to make it a whole production, sighing like it physically pains you to admit it. 

"He wanted to wait until you'd mastered all four elements before he would teach you" — an exaggerated eyeroll, fingers pinching the bridge of your nose — "the 'fifth element.'"

Korra's brow furrows. She blinks like she's waiting for a punchline. "The — what? There is no fifth element, unless you count energy, but —"

"I know," you agree, exhausted. "I know."

"Then what?" Korra demands, sounding as flabbergasted as she looks.

You take a deep breath, wearily replying, "Swordbending."

Korra is frozen for a moment, maybe in shock, maybe in disbelief. Then she bursts out laughing, bright and cool as snow crunching underfoot, until it dawns on her that maybe you weren't actually joking. "Wait, really?" she asks incredulously. "He actually wanted to — to teach me? Why didn't he just team up with Katara? Spirits, it would've been so much fun to have a swordmaster around."

"You told me you have to learn the elements in order, Zuko," you say in a poor imitation of my voice. It's been so long, you've almost forgotten it. "He didn't want to influence your bending, or distract you from your role as Avatar, or so I assume."

Korra huffs. "Sounds an awful lot like he did tell you things, then," she mutters indignantly.

You shrug. "Not in so many words. He said a lot without ever saying it." That wistful slant of your mouth softens into something closer to melancholy. "When you're with someone as long as I was with Sokka, you learn to read between the lines. We had our own language, in a way."

"But if you suspected, why didn't you say anything? Why not encourage him?"

There's a sadness in your smile, an ache in your eyes. "Because, young Avatar," you say gently, "you always think you'll have more time."

[stick-by-me]

have you ever considered getting a scanner for your sticker collection? it might help overcome sticker anxiety if you knew you could easily print a high quality paper version and just glue it on, or do the other way around and keep the sticker but print out paper ones to stick on things

I've definitely thought about it!! And I've certainly seen some fantastic scanned sticker collections and would love to join their number. But at the same time, I don't know if I'd ever reprint stickers from scans I take 🤔

If you'll forgive me for waxing poetic (since as we all know I'm very normal about this subject) I believe wholeheartedly in the Experience of Stickers. The sheet design, the texture, the circumstances behind an acquisition, the imprint a parting sticker leaves behind on a sheet, the wear and tear on a particular corner, the crinkle of packaging, etc, etc. All of this is an integral part of each sticker! At least, in my mind.

So while reprinting a scan gets Some of the parts of a sticker, and would certainly work if I just want to replicate the art/design, it's far from the same thing. And often, when I use a sticker I want All Of The Sticker, and a scan just wouldn't fit the bill ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

(Now I do feel a little silly saying all that, but I genuinely feel shrimp emotions about stickers so I'm not gonna pretend I don't 😭 It's a great strategy if you've yet to be claimed by the Shrimpness tho!)

As of right now, a scanner would be a bit impractical anyways. I'm mostly living in dorms and there isn't a ton of space, especially not with how many do-dads I already possess. And even when I'm home for the summer... technically our current family printer has a built-in scanner. However, said printer is the most Printer printer to ever printer. Its name is Sparkles and whenever it fails to print something we sing the Sparkles Failed Again anthem. It's to the tune of Frosty the Snowman and it's written on the top of the printer on a bright pink sticky note <3.

In short: I've thought about it, and I'd love to scan my collection, but it's unlikely I'd use scans to reprint stickers due to my Personal Sticker Philosophy™. Also, I don't have much space for new equipment right now and I don't trust my current scanner to scan anything effectively, so regardless it's a matter for the future xP

[chocobox]

hopefully i don't sound too 'woe is me' about this (i do i started waxing poetic,) i'm just trying to sort out my own feelings. that said...

i think i'm too hard on myself about trying not to feel sad that i can't ever really be a part of the self ship community the way i was anymore. i don't think it was about validation, as i tend to parrot, as much as it was about connection. i liked feeling like i could share this part of myself with others who could share their parts in return. but now that i'm as far as i am in my understanding, there is no going back even if i wanted to.

it is not a community that believes in forgiveness. it's built on 2010s tumblr politics, the type where you find the bad guys and fight them off. the type that doesn't believe in humanity. i knew the risks when i took them (said like a soldier lol.) i'm ultimately glad i separated myself from that community because it has spurred a lot of self growth and maturity i wouldn't have obtained if i had continued to obey the dni rules of my mutuals. i don't consider learning the truth to be a mistake, i'm aware now that the behavior i myself partook in was wrong, and i'm better for it. i just wish other people would have listened when i said 'actually, no, he's not a nazi' because he LITERALLY WASN'T!!!! but when i posted about him i forgot that the people who saw that post weren't seeing me, they were seeing a label they had already been told how to perceive. that's the bad guy from the bad show, this mutual has gone fallow! alas, i may use them for dopamine hits no longer! begone!

i just hate it because like. i know i wasn't doing anything wrong! i am a person who would never in a million years like a fascist! but so many people just immediately came to conclusions based on false assumptions. i almost wish i had done something bad, then at least the reaction would have been justified. no, this could have happened to any tv show. aot had just enough subject matter for people to twist into lies for it to become as hated as it is. all people know are that there are nazis, and the titans are jewish people. so they come to conclusions. but the characters they assume are nazis ARE jewish people. and then it all falls apart! because surprise, it's a narrative ABOUT antisemitism & fascism, not a narrative in favor of it! eeeeeveryone inside the walls is jewish. all of them. and there are a few nazis in there... but they're jewish children who are being exploited by the nazi government as child soldiers. so still jewish. and all of them have incredibly complicated trauma on the matter that gets explored in a nuanced and empathetic manner! Idk i'm just rambling about aot at this point lolol but my reason for talking about this is just what i said and have been saying.

i simply wish the community was truly a 'community.' it's only really for people who fit a narrow and flawed perception of how to be 'moral' with extensive virtue signaling dnis and all of the right opinions, which you've always held, because god forbid someone dredge up an old discord screenshot to justify a petty grudge. but i also hate proship communities. i hate the way they have no standards for what is and isn't okay. i hate groupthink. i wish people could form their own opinions. and i don't lack a community per se, i have many amazing friends who i am lucky to have in my life, i just enjoy new people. i enjoy self ships and self inserts and seeing other people creatively love themselves. it's just sad to know i can never be a part of it the same way again, not only due to my own disillusionment, but because unless my self ships are palatable, even if i can find mutuals who are chill and get it, they can't... reblog my posts. it's as though i'm stuck in the shallow waves of a tidepool, watching as everyone else plays in the ocean. sometimes people will come my way and offer me a bit, but they'll never invite me over with them, for i'm covered in sea urchins! what would the others think? and i don't hold it against anyone, i don't want anyone to sacrifice their community and end up like me. i just think i'm allowed to be a bit sad all the same. i do miss sharing en masse with people who will share back to me.

[vitaegratis]

scarednotscary​:

☾⋆ ‒‒‒‒‒  Never in a million years did Chrissy Cunningham think she would ever be sat with Edward Munson while he waxed poetic on the finer points of love. What struck her was how insightful he was on the subject and of course she couldn’t but wonder if he had been in love, because how else would he know so much? Or maybe he just had a healthier experience of it due to his uncle and therefore could apply what he knew of familial love and apply it to the romantic? If it wasn’t that then he was incredibly skilled at pulling stuff out of his ass and making it seem like he knew what he was talking about and more importantly making it make sense.

Because everything he’d said made sense. There was nothing beautiful about the trauma she’d experienced, the abuse she had endured, but what was beautiful was the way in which she chose to sail through the stormy waters. Most people could and would have turned to drugs, alcohol… casual, meaningless sex just in the vain hope of having some sort of connection with someone no matter how brief. Chrissy could have gotten angry, could have let the rage consume her until there was nothing left but ashes. Instead, she chose kindness, forgiveness and understanding, even giving those things to people that didn’t deserve it.

“I… could I ask you a question?” But she’s going to ask him anyway because she already knows he’d never deny her her curiosities just as she hope he knows that he’s not obligated to answer her. It’s a a silent and mutual understanding between the two of them, a bond of trust. “Have you… have you ever been in love? I only ask because you seem to know a lot about it, like you’ve experienced it for yourself.” And before she can stop herself she’s following up. “Because I’m not sure I’ve ever been in love. I’d know for sure if I had been, right?” And now she’s looking at him, her eyes rimmed a pale shade of pink because for a moment there things got intense enough to where she thought she might cry. Thankfully, she didn’t, that would have been awkward for all involved and besides, how could she cry when Eddie Munson had called her babe?

No, she hadn’t missed that.

       “Mm.” He can’t fault her for wondering where all this comes from - it’s not exactly his standard table top (no pun intended) sermon fare. “Well, I’ve watched a lot of tv. Seen a lot of movies. And I… I’ve thought I was, in love. But I didn’t really know what love was. I mean, what it felt like. That was… more of an infatuation, let’s say? I pined, but made no effort to reach out and get to know her… and you can’t really know that you’re in love with someone, if you don’t really know them - right?“

Liking someone, thinking they were attractive, thinking that they were decent company… there was more to it than that. “I know what it isn’t, but knowing what it is…? I mean I’ve seen a lot of movies, read a lot of books. I know what it looks like, but I don’t know what it feels like. Not first hand. I uh… I guess we’ll know when we find it, yeah?” Eddie leans over and gives her a peck on the cheek - surprisingly, he doesn’t even think twice about it. “I do know you, though. Now, I know you. You’re worthy of love. You deserve it… and you will find it, if you want it. There’s no shame in wanting someone to love you, take care of you… but I mean… you’re your own person. A whole person.That doesn’t change. It shouldn’t. The whole you complete me of it… is a nice sentiment, but. You’re not incomplete if you don’t have that.“

It would be far too easy to take a shot at a certain jock, treating her like a prized trophy or something. Like she was nothing without him, so she might as well stay, because she wouldn’t find anyone better… but that’s putting words in her mouth - isn’t it? It’s also petty.

[lizmitches]

a moment apart | hacks analysis

i was recently asked what the inspiration for the song choice in my deborah/ava fanvid was, and after waxing poetic for far too long in response, i realized it was probably time for some real, hearty analysis on the subject. long post incoming!

a moment apart by odesza features only two lyrics: i love you most and i love you more now. i've always loved it because of its simplicity; how it puts forth this idea that you can love someone even more now than you did only a second ago. and, as most things do nowadays, it made me think of ava and deborah.

the overarching idea came to me pretty simply: not only are ava and deborah a moment apart from growing closer, understanding each other, falling in love, etc., but they're also a moment apart in their reflections of one another.

in the first shot, ava’s in the hallway on the way to deborah's dressing room. “what’s your favorite joke of mine?” deborah asks in the voiceover. ava doesn’t have an answer.

the music picks up here, and we see one of my favorite things in the entire show: the visual representation of deborah and ava's closeness. at first they're far apart; completely separate. then, as time goes on, close together as one. they sit—proximity wise—a moment apart.

deborah puts forth the idea of the baseline. the idea that you have to be more than good to make it, and even then it's hell. here, her career passes in the blink of an eye, beginning on top of the world before falling into the habit of trying to remain relevant. a very literal take on the idea of a moment apart in time.

then we get to the fun part: the descent. "you think you have nothing in common with deborah vance?" the man in the antique store yells. "you're the same!"

so much of ava and deborah's stories are paralleled. even so, it's important to remember that ava and deborah are not the same person. they're two sides of the same coin; a moment apart in their likeness. while they're alike in many ways, their reflections of one another are just a little off center.

and, even though they're different people, they do share a few similar traits. for one, they both have instances where they surprise each other in different ways—often in grand gestures.

they're both fiercely ambitious, many times doing what others would label as "too much" in order to get what they want/need in any situation.

they both hold each other in the highest regard. they look at each other with a certain reverence, valuing the past, present, and future versions of each other.

"trust me," ava pleads over the phone, and deborah rubs at her brow. "okay, okay," she replies. "i do." and it's clear by the visual difference in her life pre- and post-ava that she really does.

even her home comes to life when ava's in it. a certain warmth exudes not just from the space itself, but from deborah as well. it only takes a moment for the room to fill, the colors to change, the world to brighten.

but just as things get good, they get bad again. what seems to be a recurring pattern for the two of them. fortunately for deborah and ava, 'fight' and 'forgiveness', too, are only a moment apart.

as the video comes to a close, we settle back on where we began. ava exits the hallway, approaching deborah as she sits in front of her mirror. they exist now in the same space.

"you can make anything funny," ava says. because now, only a moment apart from the beginning, she knows the answer to deborah's question; knows which joke of hers is her favorite.

she stands there, hesitantly, as the screen cuts to black. the answer stares back at all of us:

every. single. one.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

retrospective & predictions

Since we're on a hiatus week (between 320 and 321) I feel like waxing poetic about the depth and growth of bkdk for a bit. Especially because it seems like we’re right on the edge of their biggest development yet, I’m getting the urge to lay all my perspectives and insights I’ve picked up from others out on the table. This is ultimately only my subjective interpretation of subtextual material in canon, though. If you’ve never quite understood what people see in their dynamic and you’re actually open to hearing me out, maybe from this you can at least see where we’re coming from. And if you don’t like my takes after all, well, we’ll see who’s right in the coming chapters, won’t we? What I have to say can be taken platonically or romantically; I appreciate both. 

putting it under the cut, since it’ll be long:

At the risk of projecting, I want to start by examining a couple things based partly on personal experience.

From many different directions, I often hear people expressing that Deku’s persistent attachment and admiration for Bakugou is baffling at best. Despite the bullying, despite Bakugou’s loud, rude, and uncompromising personality, he still puts effort into their relationship and frequently describes him as amazing. It seems like Deku himself is aware of this as he’s said things along the lines of how he’s difficult, BUT... etc. Although I don’t think it’s exactly that Deku finds Bakugou’s personality hard to be around, but that he’s deliberately expressing patience for Bakugou’s emotional turmoil. 

I have to say I know what this sort of patience is like, as I went through it with someone I love. I only chose to put up with their behavior because I decided the possibility of what our relationship could be was worth it. I wasn’t blind or submissive to how they treated me, and I wasn’t coerced. I simply expressed myself and established my boundaries while still allowing them the opportunity to join me in my world once they got over their own hangups. And guess what? It worked out in the end. That doesn’t mean there aren’t circumstances where it’s better to cut ties, but I want to stress that true reconciliation is possible sometimes. I used to worry that other people around me thought I was delusional for seeking it, but what really helped was my therapist reminding me that I’m smart and strong. So I think Deku deserves to feel the same. In a way this is his whole mission in life, his approach to being a hero as well as his personal relationships.

Let me also be clear though that I don’t mean Deku is only tolerating Bakugou’s personality, his mannerisms, the parts of him that will likely never change. I’m drawing a line between those things and his emotional state (they so rarely align anyway, but I’ll get to that later). In fact, I think Bakugou’s general attitude is part of what Deku admires. This is gonna be hard to explain without inserting personal experience too, sorry. As a writer myself I’ve noticed I’m drawn to writing characters that are brazen and bold and don't mind telling people off. Really it’s because I operate in the world in the polar opposite way. I try not to draw attention to myself, I’m quiet, and I’m a people-pleaser. People who project confidence, especially in an impolite sort of way, fascinate me. It’s good to take cultural context into account, too: I've heard people who’d know better than me that part of the reason Bakugou is the most popular character in the Japanese fandom is likely because he contradicts a lot of their social norms. His disregard is refreshing and cathartic. I can speculate that Deku has a similar point of view based on what he thinks but does not admit about Bakugou being his image of victory and how this sometimes makes him mimic Bakugou’s speech and mannerisms: 

There’s also the bit in this fight where Deku realizes he's the only one able to receive Bakugou’s emotions. This is because he’s the most intimately familiar with him and his situation, but I think there’s another layer. Deku, as we know, has a self-sacrificing tendency, and in the current chapters we’re seeing the worst side of that. But let’s also not forget that to an extent, it can be a positive trait: resilience. When it comes to Bakugou, he has an almost comical ability to dodge the potential fallout of his outbursts. The example we all jump to (and fight about..) is how in ch1, apart from the initial shock of Bakugou suggesting he jump off the roof, the most he reacts is to criticize him for saying such a ridiculous thing. However, I think their interaction post- sludge villain is a lot more interesting:

Note two things: 1, in his head, Deku is practically making fun of how Bakugou’s acting as he stomps away without waiting for a reply. It doesn’t faze him. 2, Deku thinks, optimistically, that he can now focus on a different career choice. This is astonishing really. Up to this point, none of Bakugou’s attempts to put him down have worked; he just kept pursuing his dream. The only reason Deku concedes in this moment it because for the first time, he has been shown that he really couldn't do anything in a fight against a villain. All Might told him he couldn't be a hero (although he’s literally about to take that back in the next few pages lol) and the other heroes at the scene gave him a lecture about it too. It was those experiences, and not Bakugou’s words, that truly affected him. And when All Might tells Deku he can be a hero after all, it’s not thinking of Bakugou’s bullying that makes him sob and fall to his knees, it’s the memory of his own mom never telling him those words he so desperately needed to hear. Having spent most of their lives together, Deku must have been aware all this time that Baukgou was influenced by larger societal forces rather than a core judgement, so he didn’t take it personally. He separated the person from the action, and because he’s resilient and patient, he is thus equipped to handle Bakugou’s emotions. It’s a testament to his maturity and emotional intelligence, really. 

But I can almost hear some of you saying, “that doesn’t mean Deku should have to be the bigger person here!” Correct! Just because Deku is perfectly alright bearing all of that, doesn’t mean atonement-era Bakugou sees it this way. We can track his awareness of Deku’s care and selflessness as follows-

The bridge scene, when they’re little kids: Bakugou conflates Deku’s heroism with pity, and subsequently thinks Deku is looking down on him because Bakugou’s own insecurity makes him defensive.

The Sludge Villain, and also Deku vs. Kacchan Part 1: Bakugou witnesses first-hand how easily Deku jumps to risk his own life, but still thinks he’s being looked down on. 

The Sports Festival: Bakugou fights Uraraka and recognizes her endurance strategy and refusal to give up as very Deku-like. He’s half right. He thinks Deku advised her in the fight, when in reality she just mimicked Deku because she admired him. I want to draw attention to his very sober comment about her not being frail. It’s a great endearment of Uraraka’s character and Bakugou’s respect for her when others didn’t take “fighting a girl” seriously, but it also reflects on his opinion of Deku. Deku isn’t weak either. He never was.

Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2: Deku finally corrects him about the whole looking-down-on-him thing, and Bakugou is informed that Deku’s selflessness is in fact the reason All Might chose him. Since Bakugou had been in search of what he himself was “doing wrong” for All Might to favor Deku over him, he now has to reconcile the fact that selflessness is a heroic trait, and moreover something he lacks. This is also possibly the first time Bakugou is able to see his past actions toward Deku as bullying since he previously thought it was more mutual. Additionally, Bakugou can now link Deku’s selfless behavior to what he perceived as pity/contempt, and realize that Deku has been giving him A LOT of grace. Maybe too much. Maybe more than Bakugou deserves, and definitely more than Deku should have to. Holy heck- now Bakugou has to figure out how to live up to all the faith that’s been placed in him. 

Subtextually, we can see Bakugou’s feelings about atonement reflected in the Todoroki family:

1, Shouto is another example of Deku growing a friendship using his selflessness (since their fight in the sports festival) and their relationship is being acknowledged here where it hasn’t been in Bakugou’s situation. Perhaps Bakugou is wishing it could be so simple for him, to be able to thank him for being his friend like that. Deku saying the pleasure is all his also probably calls to mind how a mere apology from Bakugou would probably be dismissed because that’s just the kind of accommodating person Deku is. Bakugou has to operate more quietly in order to actually make up for their past. I personally don’t interpret this scene as Bakugou being jealous of Deku and Shouto’s friendship, exactly, just the lack of emotional baggage. Side note, Deku and Fuyumi are kinda similar in their desire to repair relationships. I like that she’s the one to give him some credit. 

2, With the common terminology, this can be interpreted as Bakugou receiving a model for atonement, one that is about action, and nothing to do with receiving favor or forgiveness. It’s a sense of duty. 

Many of the above sentiments are repeated in the flashback conversation between All Might and Bakugou right before Bakugou’s sacrifice. 

Bakugou acknowledges his bullying and that it happened because of his own insecurities, but aside from that, it’s interesting he neither confirms nor denies All Might’s suggestion that he’s trying to atone, or that Deku doesn’t see it that way. All Might is a bit of an unreliable mentor sometimes, but I don’t think he’s misreading here. Rather, Bakugou is displaying his tendency to hold back when talking about things that would make him really emotional. Besides, admitting to what he’s doing kind of defeats the purpose. He isn’t seeking acknowledgement. All Might has gotten to the crux of the issue here when pointing out that Deku doesn’t recognize the atonement, likely because Deku doesn't think Bakugou even needs to atone. Am I reading into it too much to say Bakugou looks wistful at this? It’s kinda frustrating sometimes trying to interpret Bakugou’s actions because he’s so paradoxical. Loud and in your face, but also extremely reserved. Sometimes I feel like I’m grasping at thin air, but hey, being hard to figure out is part of his intrigue as a character. The simplest way to look at him is to assume that unless he’s really showing vulnerability, he’s probably deflecting and hiding something.

Speaking of Bakugou’s tendency to to hold back emotional stuff, there’s his apparent lack of issue with Deku calling him Kacchan. Maybe to begin with, in his warped perception of things where he thought they hated each other, Bakugou saw it as Deku’s way of getting back at him for calling him “useless,” and didn't dare give any indication that it actually bothered him. However... consider how betrayed Bakugou has appeared when he was noticeably thinking Deku was looking down on him- the bridge scene, and the beginning of their first year at UA when he thought Deku was hiding a quirk all along. He looks shocked and hurt. That kind of emotion couldn’t be invoked by someone Bakugou didn’t actually care about his relationship with. “Kacchan” comes from a long time ago, before their relationship was strained, so it’s connotations are pure. Maybe somewhere deep down, Bakugou has always been hoping that Deku’s continued use of the nickname was not simply a matter of habit or teasing, but a vestige of friendship they’re both clinging to, and Bakugou himself was too afraid to admit to himself that he felt this way about it, so he mostly ignored it. (These are not original thoughts I am having here lol, this is a common interpretation. I’m just laying everything out like I said.) 

And now we turn to the current situation. Personally, I’ve been looking frantically back and forth between them wondering who’s going to break down first (Deku vs. Kacchan Part 3, this time it’s just a fight to get the other person to cry? ha.) Both have looked like they’re approaching a breaking point for some time. Also, I’ve addressed this before, but I think it’s significant that Bakugou is no longer wearing his mask with his hero costume, in contrast to Deku recently donning his own. It feels symbolic of Bakugou about to be upfront about how he feels.

The question is, what is it going to take to get Deku to accept help? If you ask me, Deku has dug himself so deeply into the I’m-doing-this-for-everyone-else’s-safety-and-smiles hole, no common sense argument can possibly reach him. By the end of 320, Deku’s mask is off, and we can see how desperate he truly is. But he has not cried, yet. I predict we’re going to see a bit more of his defiance, this time on full display on his face as the remaining class members and his other friends take their turns. But then I think Bakugou has to be the one to break down so Deku can witness his actions having the opposite effect he intended. People have been pointing out that Deku is currently ignoring Bakugou, and oof, that’s gotta be intentional. Regardless of what Bakugou says, it’s going to be wrapped up not only in his understanding of Deku’s self-sacrifice, but also the betrayal Bakugou feels at being ignored/left behind that ironically echoes his previous perception of being looked down on, as well as a need to express how much he cares about Deku before it’s too late. He must show that the two of them are inseparable because they both act to save each other without thinking, and both feel like losing the other would be like dying themselves. All Might may have been right when he told them they could learn from each other after Deku vs. Kacchan Part 2, but he didn’t fully realize that idea by making sure they stuck by each other for support and balance. 

I can’t wait to see what it’ll be like when they do finally get to that point, totally in synch and in tune with each other. They’ll be a powerful force no one is quite prepared for. Who knows when that will be, or even which chapter will be their big showdown, but I know the day is coming.

To speculate even further, I think the 2nd user is going to be really important really soon. And no I don’t mean to suggest that the 2nd user is Bakugou. But I do think their resemblance is key. Okay this is gonna be convoluted...

See how 2nd is the only one still standing? I think that’s symbolic of him withholding his quirk. Deku may not even know what it is at this point, let alone have unlocked it. Given that 2nd approves of Deku’s strategy at this point, it seems odd for him to withhold his quirk based on lack of faith. I think if his quirk was something that would help Deku in combat, he would have shown it to him already like the others did. So what if those gauntlets of his are support items that are meant to make up for his lack of a combat-oriented quirk, rather than to augment it? Mind you, I still have no idea what his mysterious power might be, but I’m dead set on it not being explosion-y. Regardless, I think 2nd looking like Bakugou is more about aiding some grand visual parallel, so! You know how 2nd and 3rd were probably intending to do away with Yoichi but 2nd changed his mind as soon as they made eye contact? This is really a long shot, but I wonder if 2nd’s quirk has something to do with that exchange. Maybe it’s something psychological, or some 6th sense about people he meets. So... in that way 2nd’s quirk could play a role in bkdk reaching a deeper understanding? Idk! But it could be significant at least that 2nd left Yoichi’s question about why he reached out to him unanswered. 

One more thing- while I was gathering screenshots I found this. I think “you’re the last one I’m telling” might be foreshadowing for Bakugou revealing his hero name to Deku and it being a Big Deal:

As for other lingering threads in the overall plot right now, such as the UA traitor, Stain, whatever Tsuyu is apparently about to do, All Might’s car maybe in the background of the last page of 320... man I have no idea. All I know is there’s literally 320 chapters’ worth of build-up to this confrontation that can’t be interrupted. 

See you next week <3

[benjaminmoorepaint]

in defense of marius/character analysis

Poor Marius…much maligned, misunderstood Marius. I think he's misunderstood at least in part because book!Marius and musical!Marius are so different, so maybe people get confused? Is he a goofy awkward loverboy or weirdo goth stalker?

The answer is neither, really! Compared to the Amis, Marius is a much more fleshed out and realistic character, and we see him grow and change from the ages of 17-23. But at his core, he is serious, extremely principled, and has a strong sense of honor. His principles provide most of the conflict for him throughout his story:

Independence (Debt is slavery! Refuses to borrow money until forced by his sense of duty; won’t work more than he needs to because he wants his time to be his own, not his employers. Politically, he eventually comes to understand Combeferre’s point about it too, though it contradicts the views he inherits from his father.)

Duty (The main one, and what drives most of his decisions throughout the book. He sees his main duty to be to his father and his final wishes. This is so important to him that he borrows money from Courfeyrac to fulfill what he thinks is his duty to help the Thénardiers. He only goes out at night to make his clothes look black is because he’s in mourning for his father, a culturally expected thing at the time, as is his filial duty. Despite being a republican at the end of the book, he still takes the title of Baron because his father wanted him to. Etc.)

This one is a little harder to define, but I would call it honor, combined with a kind of chivalric sense of respect. (Purity?) Despite leaving his grandfather for not respecting his father, he still respects the man, somehow. Won’t touch Valjean’s money because he’s afraid it may have been ill-gotten. This explains his weirdness around women, too; he is offended by Courfeyrac’s insinuations, outraged that an old veteran *might* have seen Cosette’s stocking, and of course horrified by Gillenormand’s suggestion to make Cosette his mistress. We are frequently reminded how chaste his love for Cosette is. He is, essentially, Tholomyès’s polar opposite.

Loyalty— to his friends, to Cosette, and to his father.

He is also—and this is important—EXTREMELY impulsive.

Marius is not the kind of guy who thinks decisions through. His choices are almost always based on emotion. It is not logical to leave home at seventeen to live in poverty. It is not logical to wax poetic about Napoleon in a room full of radical republicans. It is not logical to resolve to die after learning your girlfriend is moving to England. He is the DEFINITION of doing things “as a matter of principle.”

And this is not an inherently bad trait. His impulsiveness saves the barricade. It’s worth noting that Enjolras, the personification of logic, did not (and would not) think to do this because his mind doesn’t work that way. It’s a terribly risky move and he would not want to risk his men if the soldiers called his bluff. But it works. Marius saves the barricade.

This is probably another reason Enjolras names him a chief of the barricade, because he recognizes Marius has something to offer that he doesn’t.

(Side note: I’m not sure where the idea that Enjolras is irritated by him comes from. He clearly likes Marius.)

“But what about Valjean? The way Marius treats him is undeniably fucked up.”

It sure is, if you know all the facts like we, the readers, do. But in typical Valjean fashion, when Valjean tells Marius the truth, he does not, in fact, tell him the whole truth. He says nothing of his life as Madeleine, of Fantine and his promise, of the Thénardiers, of Javert; in short, he tells him pretty much nothing other than the fact that he is an ex-convict.

But here’s the kicker: Valjean doesn’t know what Marius already knows about him. He has no idea that Marius saw the whole Gorbeau robbery happen while helping Javert, and for whatever reason, he forgets or doesn’t mention that Marius saw him “execute” Javert at the barricade. So from Marius’s point of view, Valjean is a. possibly still involved in crime, as evidenced by his presence there, and b. a murderer who killed Javert for revenge. Thinking this, Marius already knows that Valjean is leaving things out in what he tells him. He worries that what else he didn’t say could be even worse.

Which isn’t to say Marius is completely faultless in this—he’s learning, but his idea of honor can’t comprehend that a convict like Jean Valjean could have raised Cosette.

(Marius) had not yet come to distinguish between that which is written by man and that which is written by God, between law and right. (...) He found it quite simple that certain breaches of the written law should be followed by eternal suffering, and he accepted, as the process of civilization, social damnation. He still stood at this point, though safe to advance infallibly later on, since his nature was good, and, at bottom, wholly formed of latent progress.

But Valjean doesn’t really give him a chance. And when he does discover the truth he immediately begs for forgiveness, though of course it’s too late.

“But you!” cried Marius with a wrath in which there was veneration, “why did you not tell it to me? It is your own fault, too. You save people’s lives, and you conceal it from them! You do more, under the pretext of unmasking yourself, you calumniate yourself. It is frightful.”

“I told the truth,” replied Jean Valjean.

“No,” retorted Marius, “the truth is the whole truth; and that you did not tell. You were Monsieur Madeleine, why not have said so? You saved Javert, why not have said so? I owed my life to you, why not have said so?”

And I’m always sad that that’s something Valjean never gets to learn—by hurting himself, he hurts the people who love him! But that’s a subject for another post (or fix-it fic.)

Is Marius perfect? No, even by the end of the novel he’s not—but that’s the point. He and Cosette are the future. Their character arcs aren’t finished yet.

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

[lux-i-fer]

Can you explain why you view Cain’s emotions as being frozen by the passage of time? I’ve read a very convincing theory that he’s a psychopath so it’d be interesting to see your take ( on why he isn’t??)

Yeah I sure can! So the basic story of Cain is  that he was condemned by God to live an eternal punishment on Earth right? So he’s been alive for a pretty long time. And over that long span of time he’s become quite jaded to the world around him. Think of how Lilith or s1 Amenadiel act. Neither of them care all that much about humanity or their happenings because what is a decade in the face of someone who has lived through millennia? More importantly, why should an immortal enjoy the ‘small things’ so to speak if they have infinite time to enjoy them? Writers often wax poetic about how humans burn so bright because they never know when their flame will be snuffed out, and I think there’s some truth to that. An immortal like Cain would eventually grow tired of seizing every day like his fellow humans do. He has an infinite amount of days, what’s the rush? Eventually that mindset morphs into what’s the use? Why should I go out and do things when time doesn’t matter to me? Why should I form bonds with people I know will perish? Why should I participate in this life, knowing full well that it’ll just pass me by? Cain himself is quoted as saying this: 

“I have walked this Earth for thousands of years. I have seen everything, I have done everything. I have watched everything I have ever known turn into ashes over and over again. And I’ve been searching for a way out forever.”

This type of thinking is a slippery slope. I will say that Cain was never quite “good” to begin with, he kills his brother with a rock because he felt like Abel was taking up too much spotlight I mean who does that? Cain is a selfish and manipulative person who uses others as if they were mere chess pieces to get what he wants, there’s really no way around that. However, I would not classify him as a psychopath. An absolute asshole, yes perhaps, but not a psychopath. Like I said, he’s become impassive to the world at large. He’s a human with the world view of a celestial/infernal being. Momlotte had a similar world view (oh what’s another human death, they’ll just make more. He was getting annoying anyways) yet no one ever categorized her as a psychopath. While I admit Mom is not the best comparison, we cannot deny that she and Cain share that aspect of themselves. Because like Mom, Cain does show moments of true emotion. Tom 2.0 might not have done the best job showing that (sorry Tom :/ ) but there were still traces of it. 

I think the most notable example of this is in 3x12 when Cain tells Lucifer he wants to die. Like I said before, Cain isn’t a very expressive character but we do see some indication of emotion when Lucifer pries his desire out. I think where a lot of people get hung up is on Cain’s lack of empathy for other people--and that’s valid--but again we forgot that he has the mentality of an immortal. He just does not care about other people, and yeah that’s a dick move but it is what it is. Sometimes people just really are assholes and that’s just who they are. Forgive my forwardness, but not every prick on the street is a psychopath just because they didn’t help you pick up your groceries when the bottom of your bag gave out or because they said they loved you and then fucked off with a hooker. People can just be assholes for no reason sometimes, and that’s just what Cain is. 

But like most assholes, Cain still cares about things. Usually those things pertain to only one subject, himself, but he still values them. And like I said before, this is most visible in his quest to die. Cain truly wants to end his life and I feel as though he has very genuine emotions for why. Think about it: you’re an immortal. The first few years seem alright, but then your friends and family start to die off, one by one. Over the next few years you make more friends and acquaintances. They also die. You have to move houses because your neighbors are suspicious of your eternal youth. You now have to move every fifty years and cut all contact with the life attached to that identity. You continue this cycle for hundreds of years with no end. Doesn’t that sound depressing? Doesn’t just thinking about that grate on your very bones? Of course it does, you’re human. And so is Cain. (We could almost draw a Lilith comparison here, no?) Humans were born knowing that eventually this will all just end. In a twisted way that’s what makes living so great; it won’t last forever. Cain knows that ultimately death is where he belongs, yet it is the one thing he will never be able to do. Can you imagine that? You have the power to do anything you could ever want, but you have no power to achieve what you truly desire. I think it’s safe to say that that would do a number on anyone. 

Now I have not addressed his manipulative side in detail yet so lets carve out some time for that. Did Cain manipulate Chloe, Maze, and pretty much everyone else to get what he wants? Yes. Did he feign emotion in that process? Yes. But then again, who hasn’t? I’m not trying to justify his actions, because he did some truly horrific things, but I’m just putting it out there. How many times do we put on fronts in our own lives just to get what we want? We see it all the time. Someone flirts their way out of a situation, serial cheaters tell their spouses they love them while stringing along three other people behind their backs, or we say something we know will set someone off just to see their reaction. If we diagnose psychopaths using this logic, do we not all contain some hint of psychopathy? Well yes, we do. Humans aren’t perfect creatures. Some are better than others and some are worse. Like I said, I’m not saying that Cain was justified in his actions, but I do not think we can slap a psychopath label on him just because he’s a dick. 

I believe the psychopath theory does not take Cain’s situation into account. I believe it neglects to recognize the warped way in which he views both humanity and the world at large. Cain is a human condemned to live an immortal’s life and I don’t think that’s something to shrug at.

[corancoranthemagicalman]

K and Z please (that’s zed not zee)

K: Favorite Character Arc/Character Growth

Mhm. Well, since the Reinassance is happening and it's the freshest in my mind, I'm gonna go with Zuko from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Zuko is one of the few "villains" that I felt fully redeems himself well before the series ends. He was one of the first "untrue villains" that I began to recognize in media. Where it was a villain of circumstance rather than his character being a villain. Zuko's entire goal is to get his honor back, and he learns instead of getting his honor from his father, he has to fight for his own honor. To stand up for what he believes in, even if that means standing against his father. Zuko seeks forgiveness, which is such a rarity I feel when it comes to redeeming arcs (which can be one of my favorite character arcs), and he's just so genuine. God, some of my favorite character growth from him came from his residency in Ba Sing Se, even before he was part of the Gaang. It was just such a genuine character arc and growth and I adore him to pieces. I adore so many of those characters though, like Sokka and Toph?? They had such amazing arcs and growth. If I'm to pick another media, I suppose I really care for Peter Quill's arc in Guardians of the Galaxy. (Found family is my reoccurring theme whoops).

Z: Ramble About Something Fandom Related!!

Okay, first of all, I had to look that up and that is INSANE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S NOT ZEE. OF COURSE IT'S ZEE. THAT'S INSANE.

Second of all, aside from what I just did about ATLA? Mkay. Uh. Wow, I ramble so often that thinking of a subject to ramble about has me blue-screening. Like, I could wax poetic about Jaskier's songs from The Witcher or I could talk about my feelings on whether it was necessary to make the Skywalkers Twins or I could ramble on and on about how Coran was not given any justice. I guess I sort of want to ramble and not rant so let me ramble about this:

I love her. I love her so much. I STILL love her. I don't care that Tumblr has blacklisted Voltron because of the toxicity, I still genuinely care about the content and the content creators and Shay will always be one of my favorites. I could go on about her character but what I love most is her DESIGN. Her design is so bulky, really. Its colors are muted and she doesn't quite have that Star Trek Delicate that we see in some of the other aliens AND YET she is presented in such a graceful way? She carries herself with such confidence and she moves in a way that's so feminine it's enchanting. Hunk like swoons over her and let me tell you how AMAZING that was for my confidence. I've probably rambled about her before? I just think it's amazing that physically she showed such beauty and grace and QUEENLINESS while not being the atypical Slave Girl To Jabba The Hurt sort of character design. The character design was so fitting to the environment that they were creating while still adding to her character. That gentle soil and firm rock and just... I love her. So much

[cami-chats]

Bare Strings Of Breathlessness

Fandom: The Witcher (TV)

Pairing: Geralt/Renfri

Warnings: None

Geralt walked down the street, one hand on Roach's reins. He glanced at Jaskier then grimaced; he was waxing poetic about his newest lover. Or maybe it was the newest woman he wanted for a lover, it was hard to tell sometimes. As he looked up the street again, his eyes glanced over Renfri. He kept walking. He didn't look at her again, but from the corner of his eye he could see her approach them, taking up space next to Jaskier. 

"Oh um, hello there. Geralt why is this woman following us?" 

He stopped, turned to look at Jaskier. It was still Renfri next to him, not someone else. "You can see her?" 

"Of course I can, she's wearing bright red, it's rather hard to miss. Can I help you with something?" 

"You can't. He can." 

Geralt's eyes flitted to her. She looked much the same as the last time he'd seen her alive. The gouge on the side of her neck had turned into a pit of whitened scar, but the smirk was the same, her bob of brown hair was the same, and the way she was looking at him was familiar of the night before their fight. She didn't have the brooch on her cloak because he'd taken it-- still had it in his bag somewhere-- but she had the same sword at her hip and she probably had that dagger somewhere too. "I killed you," he said, and started walking up the street again. If it really was her, she wouldn't be so easy to forgive him. Butcher of Blaviken and he had deserved it. Not the way everyone else remembered it, but he'd killed all her men, then her. Whatever fake forgiveness she was offering, he wasn't interested. 

"You- I'm sorry," Jaskier said, hurrying to keep pace with him since he'd learned that Geralt would leave him behind, "did you say you killed her? I've seen the people you kill, they aren't walking around a month later like a goddess from the heavens to grace us." 

"Thank you for the compliment, I think," she said, easily keeping up. "Who are you?" 

"Oh, Jaskier, the Witcher's bard," he said, offering a hand, which she took. "I'm sure you've heard my work. White Wolf, that was my doing." 

"Good marketing," she agreed. "Wish I'd had one of you around when I was working." 

"Feel free to have me around now," he hurried to say, only to stutter to a halt when Geralt glared at him. "I- I- well what I mean to say is, you're here for Geralt and I would never do anything to upset my best friend, because we are friends, aren't we Geralt? So if you're around long enough, I'm sure you'll be made into a song or two yourself. What's your name, again?" 

She hadn't introduced herself in the first place, but she said, "Renfri." 

"Renfri, of course, pleasure to meet you. Um, how do you and Geralt know one another?" 

"We met when there was a... possible monster in Blaviken." 

"Blaviken?" Jaskier repeated, looking to Geralt then back to Renfri. Neither of them offered more details. "Right. Well. I'm sure that was most interesting, I'd love to hear the story sometime." 

"No you wouldn't," she said softly. "I have a story for Geralt though. Maybe he'll tell you about it someday." 

Geralt looked at her again, and it seemed she'd only had eyes for him for that entire conversation. "Jaskier." 

"Hm?" 

"Go entertain yourself in a pub." 

"Al...right. Consider me gone. I'm out. I'll just be, y'know, up there," he said, pointing towards a random building and taking off at something like a march. 

"What are you doing here?" 

"I wanted to see you." 

"The man who killed you." Geralt grunted. 

"It didn't last." 

"Necromancy is forbidden magic." 

"That's not the fault of the subject. I didn't have time to ask a necromancer for help if I failed." 

"Did you fail?" 

She tilted her head in question. 

"You're alive. I take it Stregabor is dead." 

"After what he did, wouldn't you agree he is the lesser of the evils? That is the phrase he used, isn't it? Lesser of two evils." 

"Hm." After the rest of the town had seen her dead at his hand, Stregabor would have thought himself safe. Whoever brought her back must not have made a fuss over it. "Why are you here?" 

"I already said." 

"To see me." 

She nodded. 

Geralt snorted, then started walking again. This wasn't exactly a city, but it was large for a town. There was a stable up ahead that could board Roach for the night, and for once, he had the coin to pay for it. 

"You think you can escape your destiny." 

"There's no such fucking thing as destiny." 

"There is." The girl in the wood, she had said before she left that morning, The girl in the wood is your destiny. 

"Destiny for some mage cunt to break the law and resurrect you?" 

"I wouldn't call that destiny, I'd call it a fucking good run for me. Destiny didn't do shit, I decided to help you on my own." 

"Hm." 

Renfri grabbed his arm, and he froze. Despite Jaskier talking with her, he'd still half expected for her to be a hallucination. "I only had vengeance on my mind. It's done. My men are dead, and I'm not a princess anymore. I'm just as lost as you are Geralt. I can help you a lot more than that bard of your's does, I bet." 

He looked down at where she was gripping his forearm. "He does plenty." 

"I'm sure," she said, tone not changing. "What harm could come from letting me travel with you?" 

"My throat cut in the night," he offered, and she rolled her eyes as she let go. 

"Don't be so dramatic. If I was here to kill you, I would've declared it and run at you, sword drawn." And she might actually win that time. 

Geralt grunted, and they walked towards the stables. He didn't welcome her back or anything of the sort, but he didn't object to her presence again. He paid for Roach's stay and gave the horse a parting pat. Grabbed her brooch so he wouldn't forget to return it. Whether she thought of herself like a princess or not, it was still a piece of the life she’d known. "Let's find that fool bard before he gets his balls kicked in." 

"He that annoying?" 

"He takes to sleeping with married women." 

Renfri snorted. "Maybe he deserves to get his balls kicked in." 

"Hm," he said in agreement, but they were still going to protect him if he got into trouble-- which he would, he always did. They walked into the tavern, and while she gave the room a scan, he walked up to the bar. "Two ales." 

The barkeep looked at his eyes then his necklace. "Not sure I want your kind settin' up shop. Trouble follows you." 

He tossed some coins on the counter. 

A pause, then the barkeep shrugged and swept the coins into his hand. "Your funeral mate," he said, but he got the drinks. 

Renfri joined him at the bar and Geralt pushed an ale towards her, followed by tossing her brooch on the counter next to the cup. She downed half her drink before she paid it any attention. She picked it up, rubbing her thumb over the metal. "You kept it." 

He grunted, taking a pull from his cup. 

The corner of her mouth quirked up, and she pinned it on her cloak where it belonged. "Thanks." 

He didn't say anything, and a minute later, Jaskier stumbled in the front door. He saw them, frowned, and made his way over. "Every time you meet a woman, you forget all about me. I'm starting to take it personally Geralt, I really am." 

"Take it however you like." 

"All these women you meet, hm?" Renfri asked, looking supremely amused. 

He took another drink, and she laughed. It was good to have her back. For however long that lasted. 

[alphawave-writes]

It’s lonely at the top--Sigma x Dr. Harold Winston

Synopsis: Sigma explores his past as he remembers the love that blossoms between him and Dr Harold Winston, the one man in the universe that understands him, and shares in his loneliness.

Read it here, or on AO3. Read my other Sigma fanfic series, ‘the Universe sings’, here

-

Siebren didn’t recall the first time he met Harold Winston, but he certainly remembered the second time. They apparently met once back on earth, when Siebren was petitioning for funding by the other scientific companies. Harold was in the background during the video call when Siebren was campaigning to join Lucheng Interstellar’s then-brand new mission, but he never spoke. In a sense, their real first meeting was later, up on the surface of the moon. He remembered when the spaceship propelled him out of the atmosphere and into the inky depths of space, him and a few Lucheng Interstellar astronauts buckled up in the typical astronaut gear. The others were only there to monitor the progress of the space station. None of them had the twinkle of wonder in their eyes. None of them looked upon the stars in utter amazement like Siebren did. They didn’t think of this trip as a step forward to understanding the world. It wasn’t too surprising that he did not make friends with them.

As he first stepped foot on Horizon Lunar Colony, went through the standard decompression procedure that he’d been taught and retaught thousands of times, he was ashamed to admit that his thoughts were not on his research or the stars beyond but on the academic worth of his new peers. It was a condition of his contract that he collaborated with the other researchers on a paper. He had never met the staff of Horizon before today. Time will tell whether his months here will be fruitful or pointless.

At the entrance to the main section of the colony stood a single man. He’s roughly Siebren’s age, with salt and pepper hair and a kind smile. If the horrendous five o’clock shadow and white lab coat didn’t prove to Siebren that he was a researcher, the way the other astronauts shoved past the man proved it.

He wiped his coat down, frowning as the other astronauts went off on their own accord. It took him a second to realise that Siebren had stayed behind, staring at the walls and ceiling. He pushed up his glasses with his left hand, extending his right in greeting. “S-sorry, I didn’t notice you there. I’m Dr. Harold Winston. You must be Dr. Siebren de Kuiper, right? It’s an honour to have you here.”

Siebren took the offered hand and shook firmly. He’s mildly surprised by the strength in the man’s grip, but didn’t remark upon it. “Not the friendliest bunch, are they.”

“No, not really.” Harold glanced left and right before leaning forward conspiratorially. “Keep this between you and me, but they’re pissed at me for what I did last time.”

“What did you do?”

“The last time they came over, I had just finished administering the gene therapy treatment to Specimen 8. They were only here to check the base’s integrity, same like today, only one gentlemen in that group was not an animal fan, and the other specimens could smell it. I turned my head, and in that moment Specimen 8 had escaped from its cage and ran up the guy’s pants and…well…let’s just say it wasn’t a very pleasant place to bite.” Harold smirked. “Or at least, I told them Specimen 8 escaped from its cage.”

Siebren laughed at the ridiculousness of it all. He’d laugh longer, but Harold suddenly put his hand on his mouth, muffling him. The Lucheng astronauts return, scowling at Harold before continuing onward. He wasn’t sure if it was out of the suddenness of the action, or whether it’s the latent stages of space adaptation syndrome, but all he could focus on was the skin on his lips, impossibly warm and soft.

Long after the astronauts have left, the hand is still over his mouth. If he squinted, Harold’s eyes looked cloudy and unfocused, a flame rekindled after months of winter.

Harold blinked rapidly, and the flame was gone. He took a step back, then another, wiping his hand hastily on his coat. “S-sorry,” he smiled nervously. “It gets a bit lonely up here.”

There was more to Harold’s words, but Siebren didn’t call Harold out on it. He forced himself to smile politely. “I’ll forgive you if you give me the grand tour. I’ve only heard wonderful things about this facility and the research your team have been doing.”

In all of Siebren’s life, he had never seen someone smile so brightly.

Harold led him around the base, making sure to stop by all the important areas. They walked past the laboratories, the simian’s centre, the hydroponics centre, and the garage where they stored their moon rovers, to name just a few. As they moved on, Harold spoke less about the Colony and his team’s research, and more about his fondness for the subjects.. Any other time Siebren might have been annoying, but Harold’s face lit up, and he spoke like he was singing his praises to the gods, and Siebren found that he was enraptured entirely. As they passed by a particularly sunny window, Siebren swore that Harold glowed.

It’s in the final stretches to the sleeping quarters that Siebren was finally able to put a word in. He tried his best to remain stoic and impassive—he had to prove himself as a reputable scientist after all—but one glance at the stars outside and soon he was waxing poetic about the mysteries of the universe. There was passion in his voice, so desperate to be unleashed from its cage that it spilled eagerly down his lips.

He only caught himself when they came to a stop in front of what Siebren assumed to be his new sleeping quarters. A piece of notepaper was stuck in front of the door, his name lovingly written in blue marker.

“You really do love space, don’t you?” Harold remarked.

Siebren cleared his throat loudly. It wasn’t enough to stop the heat rising from his cheeks. He could imagine the face his mother would make if she was here, seeing him blush like a schoolgirl.

“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” He walked two steps backward to his own sleeping quarters, directly opposite Siebren’s. “If you are half as enthusiastic for your research, I think we can do great things together.”

“You’re…you’re sure about that?”

“I’m serious. All the other scientists here, they’re passionate about their work, but they don’t see the beauty in the world beyond. You and I might be the only ones that understand that.” He gestured to his door. “You ever want or need anything, I’m right here.”

Another time, Siebren might have told Harold the same. At that moment however, he was overwhelmed by a strange heat growing within his chest. He retreated into his quarters, unpacked the few things he had been allowed to take onboard, and lied down on his bed, staring into the ceiling until the heat dissipated into the air.

He spared no thought for the people he left behind on earth. They didn’t hold a candle to the enigmatic Dr. Harold Winston.

The other scientists at Horizon were certainly smart and polite, but Siebren was closest to Harold by far. In the laboratory, they worked together with ease, ideas and discussions rattling off at rapid speed. They never stopped talking to each other, and when they did, that was only because they were apart. Many of the scientists joked that they were boyfriends, but Harold never took offense, and if Siebren was being totally honest, neither did he. He had never connected with another person as well as he did with Dr. Harold Winston. It didn’t matter what people thought. All that mattered was that he found someone like him, who appreciated his eccentricities and passions.

Evidently, Harold thought the same way. The distance between the two of them grew shorter with every rotation of the Earth's axis.

It was but a natural progress that they began to visit each other in their private quarters. Harold was an avid reader, obsessed with all forms and genres of literature. In his room he has crafted a makeshift bookshelf where he kept the physical copies, hidden away from sight. Physical books could be a dangerous weapon in the simians’ hands, and thus it was considered contraband. In response to learning this secret, Siebren revealed his own secret collection: a digital stockpile of every single song and album he had ever heard in his life, stored in a tiny USB, and a pair of ear buds, smuggled in a microscopic slit in his suitcase.

Bonds are forged over secrets, and thus they grew closer still. In the nighttime, when all the other scientists are asleep, Harold would creep over to Siebren’s door and knock in a precise pattern: two knocks in rapid succession, a pause, one knock, another pause, two quick knocks. Siebren would open the door and silently hand one of the earbuds over. Harold would always put it in his left ear, Siebren placing his in his right ear. They’d curl up together in a tiny beanbag chair, the only place that the desk lamp would reach, and Harold would open up the book he had chosen for that night.

Some nights Harold would read out loud, his voice a quiet harmony. Other nights he’d remain silent, reading in peace. A few rare occasions in those silent moments, Siebren took the book from Harold’s hands and read in his place. He wasn’t used to reading out loud, stumbling over his words every now and then, his voice harsh and abrasive like sandpaper, but Harold listened to him anyway with rapturous attention.

It wasn’t uncommon for them to fall asleep in those moments, nestled into each other, like the world didn’t matter. Like the universe was made for the two of them alone.

The holiday season came. All of the other scientists had exited the space station. It was standard practice to let the majority of the scientists go home for the holidays. The base was well equipped with enough autonomous robots to maintain the base while everyone was away but Siebren and Harold chose to stay behind. They sat in the break room, alone, listless. Two empty mugs sat in front of them on the table. A recent batch of eggs sent from the sister base some kilometres away meant that they had the means to make something that tasted like eggnog. It was a pity they didn’t allow alcohol up here. Siebren could make a pretty decent advocaat with the ingredients on hand.

It made sense for Siebren to stay behind. His contract specifically stated he remained on Horizon until the end of his six months contract, which will terminate on Valentine’s day. As for Harold’s reason of staying behind, it remained a mystery. Even though microgravity was all but terminated at the moon base, standard practice was that astronauts and scientists stayed for a year maximum. From what Siebren gathered, Harold had been here for two years.

He’d say something, but an unknown tension grew between them. It was palpable and malleable, so thick that Siebren could taste it in the air. Harold was avoiding his gaze, adjusting his glasses nervously, but if Siebren were to turn his head away, he could feel Harold’s eyes roaming over his body.

With everyone gone, something between them had changed.

“You have family?” Harold asked.

Siebren blinked rapidly. “I’m sorry?”

“I just…I never asked. You know,” he gestured at the Christmas decorations. “Thought today of all days would be a good time.”

Siebren glanced down at his hands folded over his lap. His Christmas playlist chimed over the speakers, but it didn’t give him any comfort. “In terms of immediate family, I only have my mother. I’ve got cousins and nephews and nieces, but they’re scattered across the globe.” He poured himself another cup of eggnog. “I haven’t seen any of them in seven years. Almost exactly seven years, now that I think about it. Our last big family gathering was last Christmas back in Den Haag, crowding together for some gourmetten.”

“No one else in your life?”

“No,” he replied. “I’ve been too busy with my career. The universe’s mysteries have still yet to be seen to mankind, and I will not rest until I find it. I never had the time or interest in romance.” He glanced at Harold. “You?”

A sad look passed over Harold’s eyes and faded away like a comet. “A sister. She lives in Lijiang with her family. We weren’t close though. If I went down to Earth today, she won’t be there to see me.”

Siebren frowned. “No partner yourself?”

“I never found the one. Tried for the better half of my twenties, and when I found failure after failure, I…well, I just kinda gave up. By the time I decided to get back on the saddle, no one wanted a greying, middle aged man like myself.”

“I find that hard to believe. You look rather handsome for your age, and I can only imagine you were equally as attractive when you were younger.” Siebren quickly waved a hand over his face. “Not that I’m the best judge of beauty myself.”

Siebren didn’t know if he imagined the reddish tint on Harold’s cheeks. “Guess I haven’t found anyone that appreciates me yet.” He shook his head, a bittersweet smile forced upon his lips. “At least I’ve got a new family here with the primates. Who needs a partner when you’ve got thirty children?”

The look flashed over Harold’s eyes again, and this time Siebren understood what it meant. “Are you lonely, Harold?”

“L-Lonely?”

“Yes, lonely,” Siebren frowned. “You’ve never mentioned anyone back on Earth until now, and I don’t see you talk to the others on your team all that often.”

Harold shrunk in his seat. Siebren sighed, rising from his seat to approach him. He was significantly taller than Harold, but staring down at him like this, he looked weak and wanting. He didn’t know what force compelled him to run his hand down Harold’s scalp, but he didn’t fight it. A microcosm of emotions breathed out from Harold’s lips; desire and hurt and hesitation fighting for dominance. They looked into each other’s eyes, saw the universe reflected back, and it’s divinely beautiful, escaping all other description.

“Harold,” Siebren started then paused. His heartbeat hammered in his ears, a frantic rhythm that threatened to drown out all sound. He let out a quiet breath. “I’m lonely too.”

Harold pulled Siebren’s hand down so it was now cupping his face. He leant into it, his eyes fluttering. “You too?”

Siebren nodded. “Men of science like us, we seek the mysteries of the world before us because we are in love with it. We hear the melodies the universe sings for us, and we transcribe it, because we want it to be a love song. It’s confusing, time-consuming, and very very lonely, but we wouldn’t love it if it weren’t all these things.”

“Love?” Harold’s eyes widen.

Siebren smiled. “That’s why we’re here, aren’t we?”

Harold didn’t respond in words. He removed his glasses with one hand, flicked his eyes up to Siebren’s lips, and before he could react, Harold kissed him with the force of a black hole. He was sucked in, pulled in by the gravitational attraction of Harold’s lips, density and mass colliding together with wondrous force.

 And then, just as suddenly it appeared, the force disappeared. Their combined breaths melted into stardust. They stared at each other, aware in that moment of the Earth reflected in their eyes, big yet small, significant and insignificant.

Harold retreated, pushing himself away from the table and, indirectly, from Siebren. He quickly put his glasses back on, adjusting them with shaky hands. “S-sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

“L-likewise for myself.” Siebren cleared his throat.

Logic would dictate that the moment they shared was an outlier, threatening to corrupt the fabric of their bond. Relationships were messy and required far too much effort, Siebren thought, but then he saw the prism of the Milky Way in Harold’s eyes and wondered if perhaps he required further experiments with the other tools at his disposal. A kiss on the lips is one thing, but what about the caress of a hand, or the whisper to an ear?

Siebren shook his head violently, but it was too late. It was Harold Winston’s life to be exceptionally observant in shifts of behavior. Siebren was transparent, his inner thoughts printed in black and white across his face.

“Dr. de Kuiper…Siebren…you feel the same way, don’t you?”

“Any other time, I would deny this, but in the interest of transparency…yes. I think so.”

Harold nodded vacantly. “A relationship wouldn’t work. You’ll be leaving soon, and I’ll remain up here. The subjects need a familiar face. If I do go down to earth, it won't be for long.” He smiled weakly. “Pretty sure long-distance relationships never had the impassable distance of space to deal with.”

“Harold,” Siebren said forcefully, causing Harold to stiffen in surprise. His face softened. “Tell me the truth. Do you want to pursue a relationship with me?”

Harold paused for a moment before nodding. “Yeah.” He didn’t dare look up at Siebren.

Siebren let out a quiet breath. With as much discipline he could muster, he grabbed his chair and pulled it close to Harold, sitting down. He took Harold’s hands into his own, thumbs tracing planetary orbits. He’d never knew or cared about romance, and now suddenly confronted with this possibility, he wished that he did care, if only so he wouldn’t be at a complete loss like he was now. Research required references and accounts, a base in existing literature to form new ideas and discoveries, but Siebren had none to reliably depend on. What reference was there for this, the bond they shared, the gravity that pulled them together?

“I don’t know how long it will last, but I will give it a try,” Siebren rubbed the back of his head. “Even if I have absolutely no idea how I should behave in a relationship.”

Harold laughed quietly, his nerves dissipating. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned since working here, society’s rules don’t matter here. Up here, the politics and squabbles of earth don't matter anymore.” He leaned forward, the flash of flames in his eyes, a mark of his desire. “I know exactly when the new crew will arrive. We’ve got about 36 hours, give and take.”

“Oh?” Sigma’s eyes widen. “Oh! Uh…OK. Here or…?” He glanced around their surroundings.

“Probably somewhere comfier than here. I mean, unless I totally misinterpreted that and you don’t want to…well…” Harold chuckled nervously. “I just realized how forward that sounded. We can take things slow. I'll honestly be happy with whatever you're happy with.”

Siebren couldn’t help but smile. Wordlessly they stood up, the two of them staring at their conjoined hands. Atoms split apart, forming heat and light where their palms touched. Their thoughts fused together, brain waves synchronizing as an image floated above. It was the two of them, lying side by side on Siebren’s bed, mapping out the stars with their fingertips. Galaxies blossomed with their kisses, the whole expanse of space to explore within the boundaries of a King-sized bed. They look up at each other and knew in that moment that they had found the one. They walked over to the sleeping quarters, hand in hand, safe in the knowledge that, at least for a little while, there was one more person in their small, solitary world that understood them.

The man known as Sigma flies alone up to Horizon Lunar Colony. It’s been at least a decade, but upon arrival, he notices that nothing has changed in this place. The walls are still that familiar off-white. The moon outside the base is still inviting. The telescope still reaches out for Earth like an outstretched hand, asking for a dance. It’s beautiful, but there’s a staleness to the air, the smell of decay and abandonment. No longer can he hear the hoots and grunts of the chimpanzees, the squeaks of the hamster, or the grunts of the gorillas. The buzzing sounds of the speakers are gone, replaced with a single tone.

Fragmented memories resurface, of the research he performed, of the opportunities he acquired, but most of all on the romance that died in the outer reaches of space. Harold had joked they were star-crossed lovers in a more literal of the word. That was not too long before the fatal incident. Siebren remembered the horror he felt, guilt and regret dunking his face in cold water. He had planned to meet Harold when he touched down on Earth, two weeks after. He had planned to ask Harold if he was willing to take the next step in their relationship. His mother had gifted Siebren his father’s old engagement ring, her silent blessing.

No one could have predicted the animal uprising. Not even sweet, kind Harold, the one person who genuinely cared for the gorillas as living beings and not as test subjects.

Sigma frowns, letting the memories wash away. He cannot let himself get lost to sentimentality. He’s here for one purpose only. He’s here on a mission.

The gravity programs have malfunctioned, bringing back the microgravity of the moon, but Sigma’s powers prove to be beneficial. He walks, not floats, past the entrance hallway, past the break rooms, and enters the laboratory area.

He finds them there, floating near the corner of the laboratory. Papers float in perfect position around them, some scientific in nature, others more intimate passages meant for private eyes. There’s writing on every single piece of paper, starting messy and illegible on the left, before becoming more clear and distinct. Purple veins crept up their skin, tufts of hair sticking out in uncomfortable angles.

Sigma clears his throat loudly, and they turn to him, eyes wide and animalistic. He sees that even their face is distorted and pale, an oxygen mask hiding their nose and lips, the tube winding round their neck and leading down to a makeshift backpack that’s constantly extracting the air and pumping it, purifying it.

“How did you get here?” The voice croaked, barely audible from behind the mask.

Sigma frowns. “I was sent to rescue you. I’ve come to take you back down to Earth.”

They float up to him, propelling forward by the microgravity before pulling to a stop on the table. Sigma waves his hands and they gently fall down, standing on normal gravity. They look up to him, a flash of recognition passing over their eyes like a comet. “Siebren?”

“It’s Sigma now. The man you knew as Siebren de Kuiper is long gone now.”

“He’s not there?” They point at his forehead.

 “Bits and pieces, struggling to remain together.” Sigma frowns, as Siebren’s memories return. “I made the same mistake you did. I didn’t double check my math, and I paid the price.”

“And Subject 28?”

“Lived his dreams in Overwatch.”

“Lived?”

“Overwatch is no more. He’s still alive though. Goes by Winston nowadays.”

The figure laughed for a second before coughing violently into their mask. Their eyes smiled. “Of all the names in the world, that’s what he chooses. I should’ve known.”

They start choking suddenly, a horrendous gasp that sounds like the air had turned to poison. Sigma watches as they take a syringe and plunge it into their neck, depressing it right into the carotid artery. The puncture wound heals almost in an instant. Their skin reverts into something that vaguely resembles human flesh.

Sigma takes their hand and slowly leads them out of the laboratory. They’re both wearing gloves, but Sigma still feels the faint heat of their flesh escaping, and the memories flood back. He’s reminded of lonely days in the break room and lonely nights in sleeping quarters, curled up next to someone with a kind face and a kinder heart.

He should consider himself lucky, all things considering. Subject 31, as he’s currently known, has spent years living in complete isolation, the only human contact coming from the Lucheng Intersteller astronauts desperate to find a way to bring him home. The force of gravity is the main issue, the pressure of the spacecraft entering the earth’s atmosphere to high for their fragile body. That is why Talon ordered Sigma to come here and guide him back.

It’s almost cruel how much of their life events intertwine, like the universe is playing games to pull them apart and bring them back together again.

“Where are you taking me?” They ask.

Sigma turns to them, trying his hardest not to smile. It’s difficult, though. Even after all this time, even though his mind is fragile and memories are splintered, a familiar warmth creeps down his chest. “Home, Harold. I’m taking you home.”

There’s a cough, and then a weak laugh. “It’s been so long. I cannot recall how long I’ve been waiting for today.” He turns to Sigma, a smile hidden beneath his mask. “If you’re no longer Siebren, I’m allowed to give myself a new name.”

Siebren laughed quietly. “Then what’s your name now?”

“I’m rather a fan of Tristan, actually.”

“From Tristan and Iseult?”

They shrugged, grinning with their eyes. “I always liked a good story. Even the ones that end in tragedy.”

Sigma can feel years and years of lost and yearning resurface in their eyes, twinkling with the brightness of the North star. It’s the same person underneath that mask, the same brilliant man with a heart as big as the universe. It’s poetic that they find each other again, after years of loneliness. They did once before, and they have done it again today. They cannot escape the black hole that pulls them together, distorting time and space and matter. They always find a way back to each other.

Sigma squeezes his hand tightly. The man now known as Tristan squeezes back. “Let’s go home, Siebren.”

Sigma nods. “We’ve both got a lot of catching up to do, Harold.”

“I can’t wait.”

The entire trip to the spacecraft, they walked hand in hand, afraid that if they let go, they’ll be all alone again, trapped in their gilded cages.

[nocturnememory]

I love love live your writing and how you portray the characters so realistically i really enjoy and appreciate that. that being said i come actoss alot of tomarry harrymort ffs where voldemort is evil and all and harry knows that and acts accordingly. but i find that often times the fact that voldemort still killed harrys parents gets kind of swept under the rug. he also kills other people harry holds dear and maybe knows longer but still? (part1)

I don’t know if part two got lost lol, but I’ll answer this one anyway, as best as I can.

This is literally my biggest pet-peeve in stories. This and ignoring Harry’s childhood. And the racism/prejudice of the Purebloods (but that’s a much larger can of worms)

Erasing who Voldemort is ruins the appeal of the pairing. I didn’t fall into the ship because it was all sunshine and daisies and I like the idea of some snake-faced demigod boning our resident boy who lived (or girl who lived)

I didn’t even get into it because of Tom Riddle. No matter how much we could wax poetic about his appeal.

The dynamic is what intrigues me. The complexity. The opposing force. The balance between them.

I don’t want to ignore who either character is just to make them fall in love. The interest lies in finding a way to make it happen in some way that’s believable but doesn’t destroy the core of the character. (And it doesn’t, and maybe shouldn’t, be called love in the strictest sense of the word, maybe inseparable obsession/devotion, a terrible sort of love.)

The complexity of dealing with all the things that should, by rights, keep these two apart is what I want to explore. So there’s no sugar-coating it. Harrie hates him, and she’s right to hate him.

Harry too, deserves to hate him. Taking that away from him undervalues him as a human being. Let him hate, let him grieve, let him struggle.. he’s not any less good and kind for not instantly forgiving and forgetting.

Listen, the problem is that not everyone wants complicated, some people are just here for the snake-faced boning, or for Tom Riddle’s Redemption Arc. And that’s fine. 

Different strokes, and all that.

Fiction is an escape for a lot of people, and while some (like me) use it to delve into darker things, or explore…less than acceptable subjects, some people just want easy.

That’s cool. It’s just not for me.

[thequietgod]

📕, 📘, 🖤, 💕

There they sat, books either placed on their laps or spread about them as they stared through the window at the snow falling steadily to the ground.  Questions back and forth came from their lips, an effort to break the ice after years of being apart.  The shadows of the castle’s library covered their bodies, though faint light filtered in through the windowpane.  Vincent could admire Charles’s golden eyes, glinting in the darkness, but that was about it.  The right side of his companion’s face was able to be seen, but he seemed to have a tendency to hide his face further in the shadows whenever another question came to mind.

📕Do you ever run out of things to be curious about?

”Ha-ha.  Are you not a fan of my continuous string of curiosities, Charles?  Please, forgive me if I wax poetic too often…  To be honest, I never analyzed my willingness to examine and understand the seemingly endless universes around us for what it was.  In a literal sense, I would have to assume that no, there will most likely not be an extent to my curiosity because of the infinite nature of our existence.  To be fair to myself, I must say that I do not think we will reach an ending to the mysteries of the various worlds around us.  With that said, I will not say never to that possibility, though.”

📘In the remainder of your life, what else do you hope to learn?

“I will not know the answer to that question until I’ve managed to find a limit to my understanding of something… Or someone.  Moreover, I believe we can both agree that the subject on my mind the most these days is the person seated in front of me right now.  Would that be fair to say?”

🖤Do you believe immortality changes someone for the worst?

“No, not at all.  It is probable that immortality is a natural process for those with souls.  The transition from mortality to immortality is not immoral since it will inevitably happen.  The choices we make after immortality are what determines if we are morally just.  Is there a reason you are asking this?  I know what we have become has been a lot to take in and contemplate, Charles.  But I do not think there is anything we need to fear.  Our souls have already exploded to create our universes, after all.  Technically, we are no longer bound to conventional moral standards anymore.  If we still had souls and if we were still being examined by the God of our previous world, that would be a different story.  Our morality would be judged entirely by them, in that regard…  Which is, well, a rather limited perspective on what is morally right or wrong, correct?”

💕Do you think two immortals could handle one another’s company forever?

“Soulmates could…  Haha.  Was that too forward of me?  Soulmates are intended to balance one another’s strengths and weaknesses when it comes to creating and structuring their worlds.  It’s an equal bond that is meant to foster creativity and kindness between two souls.  I don’t think any immortal with their soulmate at their side would want to leave…  I suppose…  I suppose we will have to see for ourselves, won’t we?”

[pendulumprince]

Episode 25: OUR GHOSTLY BIG SIS COMES BARGING IN.

Okay, recap time

Go declares war on the KoH

Asks Blue Angel if she’s gonna join him and Playmaker on their hellish crusade

Akira doesn’t want her to, naturally

Back at SOL, Kita is freaking the fuck out because of Faust and Vyra

Akira heads off to work

Aoi is left to wonder what the hell she should do

After the opening!

Back in the hotdog truck

AI IS HYPED

SO SO HAPPY

YES MY LITTLE JELLYBEAN

AND IT’S ALL BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE SHIT TALKING KITA ON THE INTERNET

Folks are demanding apologizes and Kita’s termination?? Hot damn, I love.

Yusaku tells Ai to shut the fuck up, he and Shoichi are doin some shit

Trying to find the source of Another, looking into who the victims are, ect ect

Back at the KoH lair

Faust and Vyra get back

Faust congradulates Vyra on a job well done

But Vyra? Is having second thoughts??

“If Dr. Kogami’s plan is implemented… it’ll be the biggest cyber crime in history. That means Revolver, as the leader of the KoH, will commit a historical crime. You’re fine with that? Because you think of Revolver as your younger brother…"

HOT DAMN, IT’S FAUST AND VYRA (or should I say Kyoko) IRL WITH BABY!REV

OKAY BUT REV’S FACE IS STILL OBSCURED

DAMNIT VRAINS. WHY CENSOR A BABY.

“As the mastermind behind Anothers… I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel guilt. But he’ll be feeling guilt that’s hundreds of times bigger!”

JUST WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY GOING TO DO?!

But now Faust is speaking

“To stop Dr. Kogami’s plan before it’s executed… we must defeat Playmaker, acquire the ignis and find the Cyberse World first.

“That’s why we needed Anothers as a way to capture Playmaker. Don’t blame yourself too much.

“If Playmaker is searching for the remoal program, he may eventually come to you.”

VYRA’S HOPING THAT’LL HAPPEN lmao she’s revved to kick Playmaker’s ass

Okay, back to the hotdog truck!

Were… were Yusaku and Shoichi there all night??

Yeah. Yusaku’s knocked out

Shoichi punches him in the head to wake him up

So in Link Vrains

THE KOH ARE CHASING THE GO TEDDY BEAR

WHO ARE YOU, BITCH

Okay that’s?? That’s Go’s voice

Lmaoooo HE WAS THE TEDDY BEAR

Did we guess that? Why didn’t we guess that, this bitch loves playing dress up

The KoH mook just shit his pants

GO’S CRACKING HIS KNUCKLES

“Entertain me. Speed duel!”

IT’S BEING SHOWN ON LIVE BROADCAST?!

Damnit, I love Go so mcuh?! Nobody touch me

Commentators are saying there are only “two people” folks can rely on to fight the KoH

BUT ANOTHER JUMPS IN

“NO, THERE’S ONE MORE: BLUE ANGEL.”

But she hasn’t shown up

Everybody’s hoping she will

Meanwhile, Ema’s listening to all this

Back at school folks are wondering why Blue Angel hasn’t shown up yet

AS AOI PASSES BY

She’s walking to class, when

EMA ROLLS UP ON HER MOTORCYCLE

NEARLY KNOCKS AOI OVER

Tbh I was expecting her to grab Aoi and ride off with her

Ema asks if she’s Aoi Zaize, says she wants to talk to her

BUT AOI

LIKE A SMART BEAN

IGNORES HER, KEEPS WALKING

Ema expected as much…

“I know you’re there, Blue Angel.”

THAT STOPS AOI DEAD IN HER TRACKS

SHE THINKS BACK TO WHEN THEY FIRST MET

“You’re Ghost Girl.”

YAAAAAS

They go down to the pier

Aoi wants to know wtf she wants

Ema asks if Blue Angel is done for; people are waiting for her to show up

Aoi thinks she’s exaggerating, says she fights for NO ONE

SHE FIGHTS FOR HERSELF

EMA KNOWS AND APPICIATES THIS

And agrees that, since Blue Angel was created to get Akira’s attention, she’s no longer needed

… right? Disappearing than LOSING

And it’s much better to only do things for your own sake

So screw everybody else

R i g h t ?

Ema walks off

Aoi is left DUMBSTRUCK and BAMBOOZLED

“Bye, Blue Angel. No, I mean Zaizen Aoi.”

SHE’S OFF

AOI STARES AFTER HER

… and while she’s driving

Ema? Has second thoughts?? For the first time in her life???

“Sheesh. Why do I do this?”

Back in the hotdog truck, Shoichi’s staring pensively at the computer

Yusaku walks in

Shoichi tells him he hasn’t found anything

“Oh? Is the great Kusanagi giving up?"

“I’m only getting started, idiot.” HE AFFECTIONATELY FLICKS AI OMG

“‘Idiot is a forbidden word~!” Oh yeah, Yusaku wanted him to act more like a stereotypical AI lmao

Yusaku tells Shoichi to go the fuck to sleep, he’ll handle the rest

Shoichi insists on maing Yusaku dinner first

They’re so goddamn domestic I swear

“But there are only hotdogs and chili dogs!” YOU’RE JUST MAD YOU CAN’T EAT HOTDOGS AI

“That’s not true. There are also cheese dogs and fries!” such sass, Shoichi

Okay, Aoi finally makes it home after dodging her hordes of thirsty fans

And she’s pissed that Ema just came at her sideways like that??

She catches sight of her duel disk…

BACK IN LINK VRAINS

PIDEGON IS SEARCHING FOR FROG

FROG’S DOWN BELOW

THEY’VE BEEN CALLED BACK BY THEIR BOSSES

NO BROADCASTING IN LINK VRAINS

… because apparently, young folks have been coming to Link Vrains because of the broadcasts, despite the KoH

PIDGEON REFUSES TO BELIEVE IT

FROG SCREAMS AT HIM TO STFU

PIDGEON IS OFFENDED

BUT

AW SHIT

VYRA SHOWS UP

FROG AND PIGEON HOLD EACH OTHER

SHE ASKS IF THEY KNOW WHERE PLAYMAKER IS

THEY INSIST THEY DON’T; SHE DOENS’T BELIEVE THEM

OH NO

NO

DON’T TURN THEM INTO ANOTHER

… ah, she decides to let them go

Tells them to bring Playmaker to her so she can end him

But

BUT

NOT SO FAST, BITCH

BLUE ANGEL IS HERE

AND SHE CHALLENGES VYRA TO A DUEL

“I’m in a super bad mood. I feel like beating someone, no matter who. And you just so happen to be unlucky.” DAMN

Vyra thought she wasn’t coming back; Blue Angel tells her to save the lecture for someone who gives a shit

“You know more than anyone how scary computer viruses are. But you came here to get infected again.”

“WHO SAID I WAS GOING TO LOSE? And I want to forget that incident, so stop reminding me!”

“Then I’ll tell you this: you were the computer virus’s first test subject.” HOT DAMN WE WERE RIGHT

So they took data from Aoi/BA, perfected it, and made Another

THAT’S WHY VYRA WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH AOI

HOLY SHIT

ANOTHER HAS BEEN A THING SINCE EPISODE FUCKING S I X

“You sound like you created it. Is that true.”

“What if I say yes?”

AOI WANTS TO FUCKING TAKE A SWING AT VYRA

BUT SHE’LL SETTLE FOR CRUSHING HER IN A DUEL INSTEAD

“I take back saying I didn’t care who my opponent was.  I will beat you! I’LL PAT YOU BACK MANY TIMES OVER.”

YAS GIRL SLAY

“Okay. I’ll take responsibility for what I did.”

“I hate those words.”

FROG AND PIDEON REV UP THEIR CAMERAS

PIDEON IS SO HAPPY HIS STRONG AND POWERFUL SENPAI IS BACK

IF I DIDN’T SHIP THESE TWO BEFORE, I FUCKING DO NOW

BLUE ANGEL’S THEME IS PLAYING

THE DUEL IS BEING LIVESTREAMED

THE PUBLIC IS WATCHING

OUR BOYS IN THE HOTDOG TRUCK ARE WATCHING

YUSAKU DOESN’T EVEN LOOK WORRIED LMAO HE KNOWS HIS GIRL HAS THIS

… back at SOL

Akira’s leaving for the day

“Blue Angel has returned to Link Vrains!”

HE TURNS BACK AROUND

ASKS HAYAMI IF HE CAN SEE WHAT SHE’S LOOKING AT

AKIRA LOOKS READY TO SCREAM, AOI’S BACK TO HER OLD SHENANIGANS AGAIN

And! Hayami knows Blue Angel is his sister?? SHE THINKS SHE’S FUCKING INCREDIBLE???

Akira, in his infinite intelligence, still doesn’t get why she’s doing this

Anyea, KICK HER ASS BLUE ANGEL

VYRA ACTIVATES THE DUEL GALE

AOI FALLS??

BUT NAH, SHE’S GOOD

SHE SEES THREE LITTLE KIDS CHEERING HER ON

WHAT

WHY ARE THOSE LITTLE MUNCHKINS THERE, THAT’S RIDICULOUS

THE DUEL IS ON

GET SET TO GET REKT, VYRA

BLUE ANGEL TAKES FIRST TURN

ACTIVATES A FIELD SPELL

ADDS ONE MONSTER TO HER HAND

SPECIAL SUMMONS IT, A 800 ATK MONSTER

AND SHE NORMAL SUMMONS ANOTHER AT 100 ATK

SHE LINK SUMMONS THEM

YAAAS IT’S HOLLY ANGEL

SHE BRINGS HER MONSTER BACK OUT, AT 0 DEF

DEALS 200 LP IN DAMAGE TO VYRA

AND BECAUSE OF HER FIELD SPELL, DEALS 200 MORE

VYRA IS NOW AT 3600 LP

“I was screaming from the bottomless darkness during that incident.”

Oh. My god.

Was Aoi conscious, just trapped in her body?

“While I felt like I was going to be crushed by heavy sadness, fear, and despair… I kept screaming with all my might. A sorrowful scream that no one could hear.”

AOI NO

“Many people who’ve been turned into Anothers are enduring the same pain. I’ll never forgive you!"

SHE SETS A FACEDOWN AND ENDS HER TURN

“I’ll show you why i love Trickstars until it makes you sick!”

“… you don’t know anything.”

THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

“Your deck is too popular now. You think I didn’t have a counterstrategy?”

AW SHE SHE STUDIES BLUE ANGEL’S PLAYING STYLE

VYRA TAKES HER TURN

SHE SPECIAL SUMMONS A MONSTER FROM HER HAND AT 700 ATK

DESTROY’S AOIU’S FIELD SPELL

NORMAL SUMMONS ANOTHE OF THE SAME MONSTER

SETS A FACEDWON

ACTIVATES A SPELL

IT ALLOWS HER TO ACTIVATE HER OWN TRAP

IT’S A VIRUS

RELEASES ONE OF HER MONSTERS

AND FOR THE NEXT THREE TURNS

MONSTERS WITH 2000 OR BELOW DEF HAVE THEIR EFFECTS NEGATED

… AND THEIR ATK BECOMES 0?!

LINK MONSTERS DON’T HAVE DEF, SO HOLLY ANGEL ISN’T EFFECTED

VYRA KNEW THAT SHIT

SHE TRIBUTES HER OTHER MONSTER TO ACTIVATE A SPELL

SUMMONS THREE 0 DEF TOKENS

SHE LINK SUMMONS

IT’S A 2400 ATK LINK MONSTER

GOES IN FOR THE ATTACK AGAINST HOLLY ANGEL

BLUE ANGEL ACTIVATES HER TRAP

SENDS HER OTHER MONSTER TO THE GRAVE

AND IT PROTECTS HOLLY ANGEL

“BUT YOU STILL TAKE DAMAGE” BUT OF COURSE

BLUE ANGEL IS DOWN TO 3600 LP

FALLS OFF HER BOARD

VYRA ENDS HER TURN

BLUE ANGEL BREAKS OUT HER WHIP, GETS HERSELF BACK ON THAT D BOARD

“THE BATTLE IS ONLY GETTING STARTED.”

“The true terror is yet to come. You’ll feel all of it, Blue Angel."

FUCK

THE CROWD, AKIRA AND HAYAMI CONTINUE TO WATCH

Ai makes some duel commentary

As expected, Yusaku tells him to be quiet

Him and Shoichi are doing some shit

They hacked into some surveillance camera?

Okay, there’s a bright light in one of the cars

Only flashes for a moment…

But hidden in the darkness is!!

AH, IT’S KYOKO

Preview time!

Blue Angel and Vyra continye their duel while Shoichi’S voiceover waxes poetic about *~miracles~*

“She’s Aoi Zaizen’s doctor” AH YUSAKU FIGURED IT OUT