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diyeoracha · 4 years

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fanfic recommendations

for @kittensocute bc i heard “atsukita” and “iwaoi” in reference to fanfiction and i am There

i took your “i love slow burn or slow build fics... so i like relatively shorter burn fics (20-30k). If its a 10k oneshot slow burn hELL SIGN ME UP” and absolutely ran with it.

i listed my fav iwaoi fics (17) with a longer word count (longest is 80k) that are all mostly either canon compliant or divergent with only two straight up AUs. none of them feature heavy nsfw content and most if not all are tagged as friends to lovers lmao. feel free to read the my thoughts or just go into them blind!! and they’re all in order of how much I absolutely adore them :^)

now atsukita is not a big ship *sobs* but here are some of my favorite fics (7) of them! a lot of them are shorter bc i guess that’s just. what happens when it’s a small ship LOL.

the formatting in this is fucked if you open it from ur dash but if it’s on my actual blog it should be fine!

Iwaoi

the courtship ritual of the hercules beetle

Word count: 66k

thoughts: my absolute absolute absolute favorite iwaoi fic. the characterization, the fact that oikawa’s a bastard but because he and iwaizumi are older (late 20s i believe), it feels more realistic and sad rather than oikawa being a bitch for the sake of it. spoiler alert it’s slow burn and pining and mostly oikawa not realizing his feelings. this world building is pretty cool bc iwaizumi is the professional player while oikawa is an entomology professor! also i love non-linear narratives bc of This fic. there’s mutual pining in this fic but it’s really really really subtle to the point where you dont even know if oikawa likes iwa. this made me cry like twice.

sunset towns

Word count: 33k

Summary: In the summer of 2020, Oikawa Tooru returns home from his first successful stint as captain of Japan’s national volleyball team. In one hand, he holds the undisputed weight of an Olympic medal, and in the other, his unresolved feelings for a childhood best friend.

thoughts: the tone in this is So similar to the courtship ritual that I liken this as an alternate story even though it’s still oikawa’s pov. professional player oikawa and regular guy iwaizumi and oikawa is just. bumming around at iwaizumi’s place and naturally he messes up but things happen.

told before and told again

word count: 4k

thoughts: i looked through literally all the tags i could’ve thought of for this and nearly cried when i found it agian. outsider POV!!

In damp earth my body

Word count: 15k

Summary: Onscreen, the nation’s favorite setter has arranged himself so that he’s bowing, forehead pressed to the court, like he’s thanking everyone for their kindness thus far, like he’s asking for forgiveness. Hajime thinks: shit, it’s really happening

thoughts: oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and they blur the line between roommates/best friends and being fwb. this is an iwaizumi pov and the pining is obvious on his end. as a iwa stan the tone made me feel weird bc it makes it seem like iwa cares more abt oikawa than he cares abt himself but. its a good fic

i grew up, you grew down

word count: 19k

thoughts: this is also SO funny bc basically oikawa retires and moves in with iwaizumi and becomes his stay at home wife and a bunch of shit happens like people think that oikawa is dating ushijima and oikawa basically loses it every time. here’s one of my favorite quotes:

“Oikawa also bought a new ultra-strength vacuum cleaner he’d decided to name Ushiwaka out of sheer spite, because it sucked all the air right out of the room. Iwa-chan didn’t think the joke was that funny when Tooru told him, which was frankly very hurtful and insensitive.”

Mint

Word count: 19k

thoughts: iwaizumi is moving and oikawa planned a perfect last hangout and it goes to shit featuring matsuhana. oikawa pov where he pines more than iwa which is something i can get behind!! and this was written in 2015 and iwa’s moving bc of a sports medicine program so iwaizumi stans know and love him sm ;;

Almost a Stranger

Word count: 16k

thoughts: same premise as mint LOL except they’re on a trip together and there’s more non-linear narrative!! this one is a little more mature in tone than mint i would say (funny how people just like splitting them up and throwing them in different countries huh)

with every second that you could give

Word count: 9k

Summary: The journey of Iwaizumi and Oikawa going for gold.

Quote: He knows they’re too close. Iwaizumi knows it too, and they both decided to move in together anyway.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates and they’re both obviously and really pine-y for each other and everyone sees it but them. srsly. they’re sleeping in the same bed. like my god

Lost in Translation

Word count: 9k

Summary: Because misfortune come in threes, Iwaizumi Hajime starts his Thursday having a screaming fight with Shittykawa, spends his lunch break listening to the UCI women’s volleyball team gossiping about how Ushijima Wakatoshi had gone public about his longtime love affair with Oikawa Tooru, and closes out the day by drunkenly dropping his phone into a sewer grate.

thoughts: so funny. so sososoosso genuinely funny. the tone is so snappy and iwaizumi honestly just sounds like a confused teenager (which he is in this) and it gets extra points for including a lot of american culture that a lot of the other iwaoi college au ones don’t include for like. obvious reasons lol.

Something Borrowed

Word count: 16k

Summary: In which Oikawa and Iwaizumi have always been a foregone conclusion to everyone else, but a massive, unanswered question to one another.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates thats abo but it’s like. mentioned twice. whiny and possessive oikawa makes an appearance in this but it’s done really well

things that change, things that stay the same

Word count: 8k

Summary: Oikawa realizes he’s in love with his best friend; it sucks for a while. (But only for a little while.)

thoughts: high school getting together!! my second iwaoi fic ever and this one is just. so sweet. just an unsure oikawa realizing iwaizumi might be more than someone he wants as a best friend. this fic is honestly really really lovely.

galaxies, within you

Word count: 21k

Summary: Hajime and Tooru move in together at the start of university. Too bad they’re stuck with the two gremlins that haunt their apartment.

thoughts: ok this fic was so funny. theyre uni roommates and matsuhana just come fuck shit up and they all act like idiots together even though they go to different schools. and this really throws me back to university days.

Thirty Years and Change (the Games of the XXXIII Olympiad)

Word count: 19k

thoughts: pro! oikawa and iwaizumi haven’t been close for a while until oikawa invites iwaizumi to go to the games with him. there’s a lot of frustration and pining and actually talking about feelings (aka iwaizumi losing his mind and getting advice from people like akaashi)

when it starts to rain, they go inside

Word count: 33k

Summary: “Where?” starts Iwaizumi.“ My parent’s old lakehouse, silly, didn’t you hear me the first time?” OR: Oikawa takes Iwaizumi to his lakehouse for two weeks, post-graduation.

thoughts: this was actually my first iwaoi fic which is funny bc the author doesn’t even like oikawa much and i didnt even ship anything in haikyuu before i read this fic and now im in iwaoi hell. oikawa is really frustrating in this in that it’s basically a really good character analysis on how oikawa comes off as a Mean person all the time bc he’s manipulative and there’s some explicit content

shiver

Word count: 16k

Summary: Oikawa was always the brave one. Hajime just followed two paces behind.

thoughts: iwaoi roommates with oikawa admitting his feelings first back when they were in middle school and iwaizumi putting that thought on the backburner until. obviously. things happen.

Desperado

word count: 80k

thoughts: one of my favorite aus. it’s all from kyoutani’s perspective and it’s almost so au that they’re original characters (if that makes sense). basically iwaoi matsuhana are ex-grifters except iwaoi are estranged and daishou somehow brings everyone back together. excellent world building and reading the pov from someone not involved with the iwaoi drama was refreshing

sing with me a song of conquest and fate

word count: 26k

thoughts: a mythical kings au that’s just. so pretty. iwaizumi ends up becoming oikawa’s servant for some reason and the world building is a+ because you can feel the trust and frustration from both of them build

Atsukita

dreams of me and you

word count: 10k (incomplete)

my second atsukita fic that rly sent me down atskt hell ;; what is essentially post-break up when atsumu gets signed to msby and he’s just Pining and sad for the most part. but the established relationship pre-break up was written really nicely because it just fits my hc of them just being domestic and atsumu being blatantly head over heels

take me home

word count: 4k

i read this this morning and it wrecked me. domestic relationship atsukita?? sign me up

No time like the rest of my life

word count: 19k

mythology au with kita as a regular person and rest of inarizaki as fox spirits! it’s cute and the world building is absolutely lovely but it is an au so they might seem ooc but their core character values are still there

wild blue yonder

word count: 6k

literally full of similes and metaphors and it’s more of an abstract read i guess? but it’s so beautiful and soft and this is exactly how i imagine their relationship

reap and sow

word count: 8k

atsumu confesses and kita ignores him and it’s a couple years after the fact and it’s mostly just weirdly domestic almost roommate like except for the fact that atsumu makes it clear he likes kita LOL. they’re really in character for this!

weightless souls

word count: 2k

pillow talk before atsumu’s first game! the atsumu pov and voice is amazing

if we were both alone

word count: 7k

now this was actually my first atskt fic that sent me down this rare pair hell. it’s an explicit chat fic (both tropes i usually try to avoid) but atsumu types like me (except for the nsfw parts alksfjd) so i guess i like. feel appreciation LMAO.

if you do read like any of these fics pls let me know so we can discuss

♡＼(￣▽￣)／♡

#iwaoi #atsukita #i added some more on friday feb 19!

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aces-to-apples · 4 years

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Your Reputation Precedes You

A response to “On Fandom Racism (and That Conlang People Are Talking About)” because lmao that cowardly bitch just hates getting feedback from people that she can’t then harass into oblivion

i.e. God I Wish I Could Use The Tag Fandom Wank Without The Titty Police Nerfing My Post

To be frank, I'm not here because I think you or any of your little cronies are going to change your minds. If the 'name' wasn't a giveaway, your group of ~likeminded individuals~ have quite the reputation for espousing ableist, antisemitic, and, yes, racist views under wafer-thin the veneer of "calling out racism." I think we both know that what you're actually doing is using the relative anonymity of the internet and progressive language to abuse, harass, and bully fans that you personally disagree with. You and your group are toxic, hateful, and utterly pathetic, using many peoples' genuine desire to avoid accidentally causing harm and twisting it into this horrid parade of submissiveness to You, The One And Only Arbiter Of Truth And Justice In Fandom. Never mind that you have derided autistic people as lacking compassion and empathy, that you've used racist colonizer dogwhistles to describe a fictional culture based heavily on real live Maori culture, that you've mocked the idea of characters having PTSD, or that vital mental health services are anything more than "talking about your feelings with friends uwu." Let's just ignore that you have ridiculed the idea of adults in positions of power exerting that power over children in harmful and abusive ways, that creating transformative fan-content that doesn't adhere to the spirit of canon or wishes of the original author garners derision and hatefulness from you, and that you've used classic abuser tactics in order to gaslight people in your orbit into behaving more submissively towards you in order to avoid more verbal abuse.

Let's toss all of that crucial context aside in favor of only what you've written here.

What you've written here is nearly 3,000 entire words based on, at best—though, admittedly, based on your previous behavior, I am actually not willing to extend to you an iota of good faith—fallacious reasoning. You posit that a constructed language, to be used by a fictional religious group located in an entirely different galaxy than our own, is othering, racist in general, and anti-Asian specifically. This appears based in several suppositions, the first being that a language unknown by the reader will, by nature, cause the reader to feel alienated from the characters and therefore less sympathetic, empathetic, and caring towards the characters. That idea is patently ridiculous and, I believe, says far more about your ability to connect to a character speaking an unfamiliar language than any kind of overarching truth about media and the human condition. New things are interesting; new things are fun; the human brain is wired from birth to be fascinated with new things, to want to take them apart, find out how they work, and enjoy both the process and the results.

The second supposition this fallacy is based upon appears to be that to move away from the blatant Orientalism of Star Wars is inherently anti-Asian. While I find it... frankly, a little bit sad that you cling so viciously to the Orientalist, appropriative roots of Star Wars as some form of genuine representation, that's really none of my business. If you feel that a Muslim-coded character bombing a temple and becoming a terrorist and a Sith, a white woman wearing Mongolian wedding garb, a species of decadent slug-like gangsters smoking out of hookahs and keeping attractive young women chained at their feet (as it were), a species of greedy money-grubbers with exaggerated features and offensively stereotypical "Asian" accents, and an indigenous people wearing modesty garb based on the Bedu people and treated by most characters as well as the narrative as mindless animals deserving of murder and genocide are appropriate representation of the many, varied, and beautiful cultures around the world upon which they were "based," then that is very much your business. Until you pull shit like this. Until you accuse other fans, who wish to move away from such offensive coding and stereotypes, of erasing Asian culture from Star Wars. Then it becomes everyone's business, especially when you are targeting a loving and enthusiastic group of fans who are pouring their hearts and souls into creating an inventive and non-appropriative alternative to canon.

Which leads into the third supposition, that a patently racist, misogynistic white man in the 1970s, and then again in the 1990s, intended his universe to be an accurate and respectful portrayal of the various cultures he stole from. I understand that for your group of toxic bullies, the term "Death of the Author" holds no real meaning, but the simple fact of the matter is that George Lucas based his white-centered space adventure on Samurai movies while removing the cultural context that gave them any meaning, because he liked the idea of swords and noble warriors in space. He based the Force and the Jedi Order on belief systems such as Taoism and Buddhism, but only on the surface, without putting any real effort into into portraying them earnestly or accurately. He consistently disrespected both characters of color and characters coded to be a certain race, ethnicity, culture, or religion, and likewise disrespected and stole from the cultures upon which he based them. He was, and continues to be, a racist white man who wrote a racist story. His universe has Orientalism baked into its every facet, and the idea that fans who wish to move away from this and interrogate and transform the text into something better than what it is are racist is not only laughable, but incredibly disingenuous and insidious.

As I said, I am not writing this to change your mind, because I truly believe that you already know that "cOnLaNgS aRe RaCiSt" is a ridiculous statement. The way you've comported yourself in fandom spaces thus far has shown to me that you are nothing more than a bully who knows that the anti-racist movement in fandom can be co-opted for your benefit. If you tout your Asian heritage and use the right language, make the "right" accusations and take advantage of white guilt and white ignorance, you can have dozens of people falling at your feet, begging for forgiveness, for absolution. And I think that gives you a thrill. So, no, none of this will change your mind because none of this is genuinely about racism—it's about power, it's about control, it's about fandom being the only space where you have some.

So I'm writing this for the creators of this wonderful conlang, which has been crafted by multiple people including people of color, who don't deserve this nonsensical vitriol, and for the fans reading this manipulative hate-fest, wondering if they really are Evil Racists because they don't participate in fandom the way you think they should.

Here it is: fandom has a lot of racism, antisemitism, misogyny, queerphobia, ableism, etc. baked into it. Unfortunately, such is the nature of living and growing up in societies and cultures that have the same. The important thing is to independently educate yourself on those issues and think critically about them—not "think critically" as in "to criticize" them, but to analyze, evaluate, pick apart, examine, and reconstruct them again in order to come to a well thought-out conclusion. Read this well-articulated attack on a group of fans who have always welcomed feedback and participation, are open about their backgrounds, their strengths and weaknesses, and wonder who is actually being genuine.

Is it the open and enthusiastic group who ask for the participation of others in this labor of love? Or is it the ringleader of a group of well-known bullies who have manipulated, gaslit, and then subsequently love-bomb people who did not simply roll over at the slightest hint of dominance? The ones who spent hours upon hours tearing apart, mocking, deriding, and falsely accusing authors of fanworks and metatextual works of various bigotries and -isms, knowing that those evaluations were spurious and meant only to cause harm, not genuine examinations of the works themselves or even presumed authorial intent. The ones who made their own, quote-unquote, community so negative and toxic that even after the departure of a large portion of them, including this author in particular, that community still has a reputation for being hateful, toxic, and full of mean-spirited harassers who will never look critically about their own behavior but only ever point fingers at others. The ones who are so very determined to cause misery wherever they go that as soon as their usual victims are no longer immediately available, they will turn on each other at the slightest hint of weakness.

This entire piece of (fan)work is misinformed at the most generous, disingenuous at the most objective, and downright spiteful when we get right into it. The creators of Dai Bendu, along with various other works, series, and fan events that these people personally dislike, have been targeted because it is so much easier to harass, bully, and use progressive language as a weapon against them, than it is to put any effort into making fandom spaces more informed, more positive, more respectful.

As someone rather eloquently put it, community is not a fucking spectator sport. You want a better community, you gotta work at it. And conversely, what you put into your community is what you'll get out of it. This author and their friends have put a lot of hate into their communities, and now they're toxic cesspools that people stay well away from, for fear of contracting some terrible form of harassment poisoning.

Congrats, Ri, you've gotten just what you wanted: adoring crowds listening to you spout your absolutely heinous personal views purely to live out some kind of power fantasy, and the rest of us staying well away, because fuck knows nothing kind, helpful, or in good faith has ever come from Virdant or her echo-chamber of petty, spiteful assholes.

No love, bad night.

P.S. Everyone actually in the Dai Bendu server knows your ass got kicked because you didn’t say shit for a full thirty days and ignored the announcement that inactive members would be culled. You ain’t cute pretending like it’s because you were ~*~Silenced~*~ after ~*~Valiantly~*~ attempting to call out racism. We see you.

#fandom bullshit #fandom racism #fandom harassment #fandom ableism #fandom antisemitism #fandom misogyny #by apples

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systematicmasspoisoning · 4 years

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Traitor Tubbo

I've seen so many excellent theories as to who the traitor is and I would like to throw my hat into the ring. I see several possible options. Depending on how this is received, this could be part one of a few. Reminder, this is all speculation. I'm analyzing a character here, not the streamer themselves, and in reality no one, especially not these teens and 20-something role players, are genuinely intending to be malicious or calculated. This is a game. But they're playing it, and my heartstrings, so damn well.

My top theory for the traitor? Tubbo.

Traitor Tubbo is definitely a fan favorite, and I'm probably a bit biased. I watch his streams most often and perhaps am overthinking things. But here's my supporting evidence: I think Tubbo has the most motivation because it's been established that Tubbo is underapprecited and underestimated. He's assumed to a yes-man, Tommy's right hand man. Schlatt specifically made him Secretary of State because he knew it would be a kick in the gut to Tommy.

But everyone also knows that shit gets done when Tubbo is on the server. This kid is dedicated. Guess thats what quarantine does to a Minecrafter. He planned the fesitval, helped streamline Pogtopia's potatoes, is an expert in redstone, is draining the ocean and making allies with the Badlands (BBH, Awesamdude, Antfrost, a few others).

Jschlatt said in his speech at the Festival that Tubbo gets things done (only to kill the kid like 10 minutes later :sadface:) and Wilbur said, later, that the planned Manberg Hotel probably won't be built now that Tubbo is (supposedly) on Pogtopia's side. I see parallels to Eret's traitor arc: he was the deus ex machina who saved them in Season 1 from being arrested for drugs, built their walls overnight and was given little credit for it. Wilbur still says to this day, "The walls I built to protect us."

Underappreciation fuels betrayal on this server. And Eret was smart. Overpowered, almost, from all his grinding (some of which he did with Tubbo, for hours on end.) He knew the revolution was 'never meant to be,' that L'Manberg was the losing side. He betrayed for power and kingship. Tubbo has different motivations - he doesn't advocate for violence, so he's said, and he just wants people to get along. He doesn't want a war. So what might he do for peace?

We all know, if we watch old SMP Earth clips and his Among Us streams that he is big brained. He's sometimes malicious and mischievous when he wants to be, as attested by his recent stair pranks. So him being the peaceful, owo baby boi side character isn't necessarily fact. It's a bit. A role, along the lines of Tubee and Big Law. He's much more.

Speaking of the stair prank, so funny, but had the potential to be cruel, too. Anyways, he clearly said that he was watching Tommy's stream, and saw Tommy die to the stairs. Then he pops on the server later and acts clueless to what went down, though he knew, mentioned in his stream earlier that day, that something important was going to happen that day. He turns up while they're discussing traitors, is quick to take control of the conversation and point out that the traitor is likely Wilbur (for being 'technically' on Dream's side, the side of chaos.) Fuel is added to the flames of confusion and infighting.

Playing dumb is one of Tubbo's most popular bits. It farms awes, as Tommy says. People underestimate him and assume he has no reason to lie. Tommy so easily believed him when Tubbo said he had the discs. In the Dream Betrayal stream, Tommy confronts Dream about the location of the discs with Tubbo in the call. The misunderstanding is cleared up. They don't question Tubbo's earlier statements. They also don't question it when Tubbo mentions he has blackmail on Dream. I have no idea what that might be, we can speculate on that all day. But when it comes to the discs, I think Tubbo lost a bargaining chip there. His lie was very thin. But we know he's good at lying (when its actually important) and thinking quick on his feet so I feel like there must be some motivation behind it. I don't know how, but I think the discs will definitely play a part in the coming war.

That same stream, with Dream's betrayal, Wilbur even foreshadowed Traitor Tubbo. He was making a list of their allies on the wall in Pogtopia and, despite his chat screaming at him to include Tubbo, he leaves the kid off the list and dismisses chat's worries. I'm being a little dramatic here, but can you imagine Tubbo coming across that? Seeing himself, once again, left out of the loop, off the list of people they can trust, possibly considered unimportant now that he's filled his role as a spy and had his arc seemingly completed? Back to being a yes man, a footnote in L'manberg's history, the sidekick to the protagonist, a foil who is killed off to fuel the protagonists' need for revenge.

Except, in Minecraft, you don't really die. You're respawned. Tubbo didn't die when he was executed on the day of the festival; a celebration he planned, was proud of, so excited to take part of that he used a dyslexic font to write his speech.

Some notes about the festival.

1. His excitement. He was looking forward to it. I say let him be excited, that's not necessarily suspicious - he worked damn hard on it.

2. But, I have thought about his difficulty choosing a side. He showed interest in blowing up L'Manberg, but then turns on a dime when Tommy says it's bad, and then comes up with a diplomatic response of "I trust your better judgment, Wilbur " There was the added element of peer pressure from Wilbur and Tommy, granted, talking over him and assuming his viewpoint. He's not always a yes man, he stands up to himself with Tommy constantly, but the scene with him on the roof with Tommy and Wilbur shows how little he is kept in the loop. (Him understanding peer pressure likely led to him forgiving Techno so easily. But I also wonder, and others have too, if he forgave Techno.... too easily.)

3. This isn't so much of a point but something that keeps the writer in me up late at night. He was very grateful when Schlatt praised him, probably something he didn't hear often under Wilbur's rule.

4. He said the phrase. In spite of him not advocating for violence, he said the phrase that would trigger an explosion. The choice was in his hands. That is assuming he got Wilbur's DM telling him what to do, but Tubbo had been told by Wilbur to check his DMs and they had been exchanging whispers frequently throughout the stream, Tubbo taking orders from Wilbur to hurry things along. On that note, why a DM? Why didn't he give Tubbo the order through a whisper thru minecraft where we could see the wording? Likely because they use their DMs to push along major plot points and discuss serious matters. This wasn't just an order from Wilbur, the character, this was an order from the streamer who has the most role playing experience and has admitted to being the puppetmaster behind a lot of Tommy and Tubbo's major actions. Tubbo, who has always tried to advocate for peace, supposedly was told a trigger phrase that would blow the place up, and he said it. It was so out of character for him, that I was surprised, and Wilbur was surprised too, from how Tubbo scrambled. So, I don't know - did Tubbo know it was a trigger phrase? What did the DM say?

There was clearly a lot of miscommunication and weird things that day so all of this is speculation. However, from Tubbo' side of the stream, you can see the deliberation when he finished the speech. The pause. The silence, like he was finished, but then Schlatt reminded him (not the real quote) "Anything else?" And then. Tubbo took the leap. To us, the uninformed audience, it seemed he was willing, in that moment, to allow the chaos.

He was given a role of power, and it backfired on him so quick after, but I would like to rewind to the moment Wilbur decided to give Tubbo a deciding role. I knew Tubbo would be playing a big part this season, cause the boy deserves it, but Wilbur putting that decision in the hands of Tubbo? Wow. *Chef's kiss* Wil's reasoning was, if Tubbo wanted to prove he wasn't a yes man, he'd make the decision NOT to pull the trigger.

But Wilbur also said that Schlatt approved of the speech and would know if Tubbo deviated, putting Tubbo at risk of being caught. He was caught anyway, obviously, but there was a moment there... where Schlatt was giving Tubbo a choice, too. To say the phrase that would prove he was a traitor. Like...Schlatt knew what was planned, and wanted to see what Tubbo would decide. Maybe it was a trigger phrase for something else, not just the bombs.

Point is. Tubbo, technically, saved the day. He was, in physical form, the button. He was the deciding factor for great destruction. He said the phrase, but instead of Manberg being blown, Schlatt moved quickly to trap Tubbo and start a bit that would STOP WILBUR IN HIS TRACKS. The button was never fully pressed. Tubbo's Traitor/Spy Arc was halted, and a diverging plot formed, one where Tubbo is exiled too, trusted again by Pogtopia, and the land isn't blown to smithereens.

As Wilbur has said time and time again, when you introduce a weapon in a story, it has to go off at some point. Traitor Tubbo has been on our minds since the day he was left behind in Manberg and given a position, (once again, might I add, as a right hand man, a loyal lackey. Never the lead.) Has that arc met its completing? Did it go off with a bang?

One possible theory is that, well, no. This has all been premeditated. Not scripted fully, but I feel as though there are strings being pulled by a master who knows how to tell a story.

When he was asked to be a spy, Tubbo's position was nearly revealed time and time again but it was Schlatt who decided he was too bored to continue walking down the tunnels. It was Schlatt who easily accepted Tubbo's blatant lie that he was pregnant and allowed for so much betrayal under his nose.

What I'm saying here is that Schlatt is, in fanfic terms, soft for Tubbo. In a less fluffy way, what I'm suggesting (which has been suggested before) is that Tubbo wasn't a double agent. He was a triple agent.

I've read a lot of fucking books, and when you're a triple agent and one side is getting suspicious of you, what's the greatest length you can go to to prove your loyalty to someone? Die for them. Organize your execution. Throw yourself on top of a bomb.

But like I said. You don't die in Minecraft.

(While I'm on the subject, does anyone find it interesting how Tubbo focused on messaging only Wilbur while Technoblade was on stage, whispering 'i thought he woulded hurt me?' and the like. Wouldn't you, if you were being executed, contact your best friend to get you out of there? Or the clearly stalling 'ally' holding a crossbow to your head? But it wasn't Tommy or Techno that Tubbo needed to convince of his innocence. Its Wilbur who was sus of him.)

I digress. Tubbo didn't die, but he execution=exile and he's living full time with Pogtopia. He's proven his loyalty. When Tubbo is asked if he's a traitor, his best friend quickly jumps to his support and says, something to the effect of, "Schlatt killed him! He couldn't be a traitor!" Suspicion is thrown off him.

He wasn't even there when Dream revealed there was a traitor. He. Played. Dumb.

Meanwhile, streaming on his own, Tubbo is seeking out tridents and OP bows, working on Redstone traps, refusing to get netherite for Tommy, going so far as to trap his friend's house under the guise of a prank, and appearing in TeamSpeak calls to listen in while Tommy was mining gold with Dream (around the time Tommy was pressuring the green bastard to reveal who the traitor is.)

Tubbo has also been building a reputation as someone with bad wifi and a constantly crashing game, so he can conveniently leave situations and not help out when he doesn't wanna. Sidebar: I have to wonder if Tubbo will even stream the day of the war. Schlatt doesn't stream, and neither did the Dream Team when they were villains. It builds up tension and the audience wonders about their motivations. Granted, Eret did stream so his betrayal was a huge surprise, but recently Tubbo has, quite often, made a point of struggling with bad wifi and a game that seems to crash when he's not the one streaming. It wouldn't be too suspicious for him to claim technical difficulties so he can slide under the radar and not have snitches and stream snipers tracing his steps. This is a stretch, but it would be Big Brained to meta game the war.

I've watched a lot of Tubbo's streams lately. It's probably not healthy, and I'm probably connecting dots that aren't there.

But here is my prediction(s) for next week.

Dream said, jokingly, the traitor is Tommy. Despite Tommy's adamance, it may just be possible. He just doesn't know about it yet. Maybe Tubbo talks Tommy into betraying Wilbur. (Wilbur, specifically, and not necessarily their cause, which is not to be exiled and have a not-blown-up L'manberg.) Tommy has said he couldn't be the traitor because he wouldn't betray Tubbo (followed by "Wilbur, too...well...he is a little crazy lately" and you can hear Tubbo in the background making noises of agreement.)

But if betraying Tubbo was no longer a worry? I think, for Tubbo, and for the discs, Tommy would negotiate new terms with Dream. Another end to the war. Another peace treaty. Let's be real, once Tommy switches sides, Pogtopia will crumble. Him and Tubbo are the linchpins.

To continue, Dream supposedly has a contract with Schlatt, and in the stream today, he was leaving banners with a big red X on different properties, like in Tommy's house. Marking territory. He made a point of doing it while Tommy was streaming, following the kid around into the nether and giving shields with the giant red X to supposedly Pogtopian allies (Awesamdude, George.)

Wilbur told Quackity in the Dream Betrayal stream that he worries that Dream's deal with Schlatt is to rescind Manberg's independence. To give power back to Dream. To get Tommy's allyship, Dream may propose instating Tommy as president. Those are Wilbur's predictions. They're not far off the mark. Or maybe I'm just as paranoid as him lol.

I think Dream is trying to manipulate Tommy, but what will the terms be? Presidency? Or Freedom?

I'm not sure that Tommy wants to be president. He likes to play around and while he's shown he can be good at coordination and leadership, (for example, the recent MCC thing where he taught Quackity how to play and they kicked ass,) Wilbur is quite right. Tommy shouldn't be president. Narratively, we all know the server would become....chaos. Okay, that might be kind of fun and he's got good ideas.. I like the kid, and he's grown so much, but he's not "mature enough." Not like Tubbo is, according to Wilbur himself (this is referencing the Stays in The Pit battle). Dream has also said, in the eboy collaboration, that the only Dream SMP player in the video whose stood a chance was Tubbo.

Tubbo has said he doesn't want to be president either, but shit gets done when Tubbo is on. Nature is preserved, giant builds are coordinated, events planned (with cute little digital invites sent to players). The few times that Tubbo has shared his opinion about drama on the server (there's a moment before the Pit that he gives a good speech) he's shown sound logic, great empathy, a willingness to compromise, to have fun and strengthen their community.

There's an old saying, that those who seek power shouldn't have it, and those who don't want the power are the ones who deserve it. If peace wants to be preserved on the SMP, maybe Tubbo should be president, and Tommy should see what it's like to be the right hand man. Or maybe, they will simply run off to a distant jungle base and leave the war to the adults.

My point is, Tubbo is Chekov's gun. Tubbo is the button that hasn't been pushed yet. He may be the deciding factor to change the tide of the war, by changing Tommy's loyalties. Tubbo might not be fully loyal to Schlatt, I could be totally off about the triple agent thing, but he's certainly not loyal to Wilbur. To Dream? We'll have to see. From what we've been shown so far, his loyalty is to himself and to Tommy, and in the end, its usually him and Tommy against the world.

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. It's fun to speculate. He's just a kid, a smart one granted, and he's having fun; he isn't evil. Unless Evil Tubbo is the next huge arc, the villain of Season 3???? God I would love that. Go feral kiddo.

There are other streamers who are equally over looked and unappreciated and have just as much motivation to be the traitor. Niki is a strong contender, have ya'll heard about the letter she wrote to a mysterious 'friend?' Or, or, what if Philza gets whitelisted? What if there's no shocking traitor at all, just Dream trying to cause division in Pogtopia? What if it's us, the viewers, who were the traitors all along for being dirty snitches? (@rainbowtransform, great theory.)

I'm sure I'll be surprised no matter what the outcome is. But nothing would please me more than to see Tubbo get the spotlight he deserves.

Let me know your thoughts?

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maeve-of-winter · 4 years

Note

I stopped reading omgcp a while ago, but Kent was always my favorite. Can you tell me what the update about him was? I don't want to slog through the rest of it to find it.

Sorry it took so long to respond to this anon, but I really appreciate the ask. I’m going to give a summary of what actually happens in canon in Kent’s ending, and then a short breakdown of why I dislike it.

This turned into a lengthy post and a collection of what I’m sure is only a fraction of the retcons surrounding Kent’s character, so I apologize for that.

If there’s one takeaway to understand from this ending, it’s that this ending really isn’t about Kent or for Kent’s fans, and I’ll explain below.

The canon ending:

—Bitty is taking out the trash at the Haus one night after a kegster when Kent unexpectedly pops up, dressed like every one-off drug addict character ever seen on any crime drama ever. He says he didn’t know how to contact Bitty (I guess Bitty’s Twitter and Facebook must still be on lockdown at this point? Can anyone confirm?), hence why he appears out of the blue. He says he wants to talk.

Note: Kent mentions here that he’s been getting kegster invites from Ransom for years now. It’s unclear why he didn’t try to contact Ransom to get Bitty’s contact info, but that’s really just a nitpick.

—Kent says he wants to wish Bitty good luck in the playoffs (which I guess he’s been following?) and to wish him good luck with Jack. Bitty responds by inviting him in for pie.

—Kent proceeds to try Bitty’s pie and gush about it at length, like every character in the comic has at this point. Actual quote: “Oh my God. Oh my fucking God. This is. Wow. Jesus. Thank you.”

—Kent mentions again he really does want to wish Bitty good luck, and then mentions Jack and wanting to tell him something.

—Bitty asks if Kent would apologize to Jack. Kent seems surprised and says no, but then he says maybe. He brings up the last time they talked, and specifically points out the last time he and Jack spoke and comments, “Not like I said anything terrible.”

—Bitty informs Kent that he was there and confronts Kent about how he treated Jack. At this point, there’s yet another retcon, this time more subtle, about what Kent said.

4.19 version:

Parse Part III (2.09) version:

Note: No mention is made in 4.19 about anything the could be interpreted positively or sympathetically about Kent’s conversation with Jack, including his offer to Jack about freeing up cap space on the Aces so that Jack can be a part of the team [basically that means trading away current Aces players to make room for Jack’s salary], telling Jack repeatedly that he misses him, expressing frustration that Jack shut him out, or telling Jack that he and others still care about him even if Jack thinks of himself as worthless. More on that last part here.

—Kent looks defeated and responds that there was no excuse for what he said, and follows up by saying he’s sorry that Bitty had to hear what he said and also expresses that he’s sorry for saying it at all.

—In the next part, Kent explains his thoughts. Actual quote: “When Jack left hockey, it sucked. And...yeah, he shut me out of his life. But he was taking care of himself. The shit I was doing at eighteen, as a rookie, in the league...wasn't good for him. And if he thinks he owes me an apology for that, he doesn't. I made it about me. But at this point, trying to say all that to him, yeah, that'd still be more for me than for him, you know? He's way, way past...Zimms has done so much for himself...It might sound weird, but I'm proud of Zimms. Even though I was shit to him. I'm proud he's moved on in a big way. He's a great player and Jesus....I'm twenty-six and our shit was forever ago."

Note: Kent unequivocally stating that Jack doesn’t owe him any apologies is a direct narrative retcon of this panel from 2.10.

Second note: Many fans speculated Jack completely cut off all contact with Kent after his overdose when Kent went ahead into the NHL as Jack took time to recover. Kent’s statement in 4.19 is explicit canon confirmation.

—Bitty responds that they were both kids at the time. Kent dismisses that notion in regard to himself. Actual quote: “"Yeah, but Jack grew up. And seeing you guys together? That center ice kiss? Holding the cup? Listen, when I said I came here to tell you good luck, I meant it. That's why I came here, because the more things work out for you, being out and stuff...you know? The more things could work out for everyone else. You guys are doing good stuff. So thank you for that."

—Kent follows this up by effusively complimenting Bitty’s pie again and telling him he should open a bakery.

—Kent goes to leave and finds Scraps (the one other named Aces player besides Carl) hanging out with Ford and Tango. Scraps was helping them both clean up. It’s unclear if Kent is actually out to Scraps at this point.

—Kent thanks Bitty for the pie again, wishes him luck, and then leaves.

—Also, as an extra, Ngozi responded to an ask about “What’s Kent been up to?” with another drawing of Kent with Bitty’s pie and paying thousands of dollars for it because he loves it so much.

Link here.

My thoughts:

1. It’s been said before, but this scene taking place between Kent and Bitty is utterly bizarre. These two characters have no history together to make this conversation compelling or meaningful. They’ve never even spoken a word to each other on page before. Additionally, Kent is a closeted NHL player whose career could be destroyed with this information, and so he’s used to keeping his emotions in check. His decision to have this conversation with a stranger at all severely stretches the willing suspension of disbelief and makes it clear that this conversation isn’t occurring because it’s a natural decision for the characters, but for narrative convenience.

And when you factor in the part about Kent being Jack’s ex-boyfriend who was seemingly in love with him for years after their relationship ended painfully for them both, and that he’s having this heart-to-heart with Jack’s new boyfriend, it shatters the willing suspension of disbelief into a million tiny pieces. Why would Kent want to talk about his baggage with Jack to Jack’s new BF who he’s never spoken to before? There’s no real reason for it. It only happens because Ngozi wanted to have Kent apologize to Bitty regardless of how weird or illogical the scenario for them to talk. And so that’s what happens, even if it’s utterly absurd.

2. This ending really goes out of its way to paint Kent in a negative light as possible while still having Bitty be the righteous but charitable arbitrator of what’s Good and Decent behavior.

Notice that Bitty offers up an excuse for Kent’s behavior: “Y’all were kids.”

But the narrative makes it clear that the audience is not meant to excuse Kent’s behavior, as Kent then rejects that excuse and shoulders responsibility: “Yeah, but Jack grew up.” (Implying here that Kent did not.) “And seeing you guys together? That center ice kiss, holding the Cup? . . . Listen, when I said I came here to tell you good luck, I meant it. Because the more things work out for you, being out and stuff . . . you know? The more things could work out for everyone else. So thank you for that.”

And I know that as an audience, we’re meant to nod our heads in agreement with Kent and be like, “Yes, what he said was beyond the pale, good for him for admitting it, and good for him for admitting that it was perfectly fine for Jack to spend years refusing all contact with him.” But I’m definitely not nodding in agreement, and the narrative’s refusal to allow this justification really bothers me, because Bitty is right: they were kids. Jack and Kent were kids of the same age and in almost identical situations. So why is it that Jack gets a free pass for his bad decisions while Kent doesn’t?

The answer is, of course, to pacify the section of fandom that really, really wanted to see Kent come crawling back and beg for forgiveness or “get called out”, but that really isn’t any kind of satisfying answer within the story itself.

Simply put, everything about the situation and the dialogue goes to great lengths to paint Kent as the one in the wrong who’s now doing the right thing at long last by shouldering responsibility, all while simultaneously playing down any culpability Jack might hold for the tensions between the two of them. It is the “Kent Was Wrong” show, and it’s being aired because a certain portion of the fanbase thinks that Kent is villain who needs to repent for all of all of the terrible crimes against Jack and Bitty that he has committed, while Jack is an innocent smol bean who has never done anything wrong in his life.

From 1.05.

However, I will point out that while the 4.19 accomplishes that specific goal, it also fails in the area of character development. Because the narrative works so hard to make it known that Jack is completely blameless, Kent, a minor character whose appearance here in 4.19 marks only the fourth time he appears in canon proper, ultimately winds up growing more as a person than Jack. As much as I dislike his ending, Kent is someone who can admit when he’s done wrong and apologize for it. Jack, to date, has never apologized for how he treated Bitty during the latter’s freshman years. At the end of the day, Kent’s refusal to accept any excuses for his behavior, even the ones that are reasonable and justified, paints him as a more mature individual than Jack.

3. It’s impossible to ignore the equivalency of Jack and Bitty publicly kissing and coming out with “growing up” and implying that Kent’s decision to remain closeted is therefore immature. This bugs me for several reasons, which I’ll explain below.

The NHL is a highly homophobic environment, as is juniors hockey, where Kent and Jack met and became romantically involved. There’s recently been a lot of discussion on these points from former NHL players Akim Aliu and Dan Carcillo. Conformity is perceived as commitment to the team, and being different or even showing off too much is frowned upon and criticized. RL NHL players like Alex Ovechkin have been criticized for celebrating too much after scoring a goal, and just to show you how extreme it can get, player PK Subban faced ongoing tensions within his then-team the Canadiens because he opted to start his own personal charity for the Montreal Children’s Hospital rather than use the team’s established program. The incident is actually speculated to be a factor in the reasons for his trade to Nashville. That’s right; conformity is so valued that players are criticized for giving to charity the wrong way.

So, yes, Kent’s growth is very likely to be stunted because he’s coping in such a highly pressurized homophobic environment, dealing with at least one homophobic teammate. Yes, he has chosen his environment insofar as joining and continuing with the NHL, but he didn’t specifically chose its homophobic and toxic culture. And it’s worth mentioning that he’s being contrasted with Jack, a character who took several years off from hockey following a drug overdose, attended an LGBTQ-friendly liberal arts school for four years where he could find himself and grow comfortable with his sexuality and build a strong support network, and then landed on an NHL team where every member was miraculously accepting and not homophobic.

Of course Kent is going to look immature in comparison to Jack if you compare them that way. Kent has been locked into a culture of toxic masculinity and homophobia since he was a teenager and forced to be closeted so he could have a career. And why should he have thought differently? He was being exposed to homophobia on his team, which would have cemented his fears of not belonging in hockey or having a place on his team if he came out as gay.

Meanwhile, with every Falc unfailingly supportive of Jack and Bitty, Jack really had nothing to fear. Honestly, from the way the story develops, it seems as though Bitty’s life was made more difficult by their post-Cup kiss, rather than Jack, who is the celebrity athlete, and, according to canon, the first gay athlete in the history of pro sports.

So while Kent (and canon) might continually praise Jack for growing up and coming out, Jack had far more time to become comfortable with himself and the idea of being openly gay, given that he’s had Samwell as a safe haven for years and multiple close friends he trusts. Kent hasn’t had either of those things. Of course he’s not ready to come out like Jack and Bitty—after all, he’s not out, and he ends up having to listen to Carl’s mockery of queer individuals. And yet, canon would have us think that this decision means he’s not “grown up” like Jack is. So Kent essentially ends up being implied to be immature for . . . being afraid of the homophobia that he already experiences.

From 3.16.

Also, I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again: it’s never sat quite right with me that Jack and Bitty both gets teams that are unfailingly supportive of their sexualities and relationship, while Kent isn’t even out as gay but is stuck dealing with open homphobia from a teammate and has no known support system. Almost as if canon is okay with protecting its main gay couple from homophobia while pushing the struggle against homophobia onto a gay minor character, all while proceeding to put the main couple on a pedestal for “growing up”. I don’t care if Ngozi told us not to worry about it; it really annoys me that no one on the Falcs or SMH is homophobic, but at least one person on the Aces is, and we’re supposed to be okay with it. After all, Ngozi herself told us: “Okay, first of all, ignore Carl”, as if homophobia is something that queer people can totally dismiss and forget about.

Link here.

So, as far as the OMGCP narrative is concerned, homophobia is meant to be something that’s should be easily shrugged off and ignored, and being afraid of it and unwilling to deal with it means that you’re immature and not ready to “grow up” in the way that openly gay individuals have already chosen to.

4. The implication that Kent was wrong to be bitter or upset about Jack cutting him off.

This is a fairly simple one, and one where the characterization does an exceptional job at refusing to admit normal behavior. It is perfectly fine for Kent to be upset and hurt that Jack ghosted him. Canon has him accepting all of the blame and saying that he was wrong to not want to let Jack go, but let’s examine the scenario.

You’re dating a guy for several months and then he abruptly overdoses in a deliberate suicide attempt right before the jump-start to both your futures. You’re forced to abruptly move away to begin your new life without any real closure from the incident, so you’re left hurt and traumatized and wondering if you could have done anything to stop him. You try to reach out to him so you can heal, only for every attempt to be rejected. This behavior and your attempts continue for years. Now, even if you decide to move on, are you going to think fondly of this guy going forward? Or are you going to be hurt and confused and questioning your entire relationship and what you could have done differently whenever you think back about him?

Jack did not overdose in a vacuum. This is not an incident that had zero effect on Kent. And yet, canon seems to want us to think that this highly emotional and traumatic event should have washed right over Kent and that he chose to bear a grudge against Jack due to, like, petty vindictiveness or something. When the real issue is that Jack deliberately refused to give Kent any closure over the incident. And if that’s the case, if Jack is just refusing to speak to Kent over and over, why shouldn’t Kent feel bitterness towards him? Maybe Kent honestly wants to give Jack up and get over him, but needs this resolution to move on, and can’t get anywhere without it. Maybe he’s still hurting from watching Jack almost die. Whatever the reason, Kent being upset with Jack is only human.

5. Finally, the complete lack of acknowledgement from Bitty or Kent regarding Kent’s individual accomplishments. It’s less obvious than the rest of what’s on page, but I find that this omission speaks the most strongly out of everything that this ending is written by someone who doesn’t really like Kent, specifically for people who don’t like Kent.

Kent was introduced with a multitude of accomplishments. Thirty-one game point streak, one of the best players in the sport, a recent hat trick (three goals) during a game, which earns him congratulations from Holster for it. And he’s not arrogant about his accomplishments—Shitty refers to him as a “modest bro”. Additionally, even though Kent is only at the Haus to see Jack, he still takes the time to take pictures with various Samwell hockey team members.

From 2.08

From Notes on 2.08.

But glaringly, none of these positive qualities are found here. Instead, all Kent does is compliment Jack on growing up, compliment Bitty on his pie, wish them both luck, and apologize to Bitty (for his treatment of Jack). There’s no mention of what’s going on in Kent’s life, no compliments about his hockey or mentions of any recent milestones he’s reached. There’s no exchange of praise between him and Bitty, even though there easily could. Just as an example, one of the many lines where Kent is gushing over Bitty’s pie could have easily led to a response from Bitty congratulating Kent for reaching the five hundredth goal of his career or something similar.

Or Bitty could have wished him luck at his next game—maybe the Aces are up against their division rivals, maybe they’re up against the top team of another conference. But there’s no mention of anything that has to do with Kent’s present or future, and that’s because this ending really isn’t about Kent or for Kent’s fans. It’s written for Jack/Bitty fans who think Kent is mean or abusive and really wanted this scene of Kent groveling to Jack and/or Bitty. Why else would Jack be absolved of all responsibility for treating Kent badly for years while Kent is left shouldering the blame?

Kent might appear in this chapter, but what we get isn’t actually Kent. This appearance is Kent being used as a device to state information to the audience instead of using interesting and emotional storytelling. We are being told via Kent yet again how Jack is a flawless cinnamon roll, that Jack is oh-so-noble, that Jack and Bitty are brave, that Jack and Bitty are special, and that Bitty’s pies are unnaturally wonderful. And that’s nothing we haven’t seen before.

We ostensibly got an ending for Kent Parson in this chapter. It was just an ending written with a certain audience in mind, and that audience wasn’t people who actually like the character or wanted better for him.

#kent parson #Anonymous #my asks #parse positive #omgcheckpleasecritical #check please #kent parson ending

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officehrs · 3 years

Text

i had a dream about r that felt so real. 😔 VERY long post excuse me ,, if u read, feel free to analyze or tell me to shut up fkfnkfnfd

i dont remember anything about how it started but the first thing that really happened was that i was on a site on my laptop in his class, solving some sort of "riddle",,,, i read it to myself aloud very quietly trying to process it, when r came up from behind me and whispered a small fragment of the sentence into my ear so breathily and slowly?? like "hmmmm [breathes] how how how [breathes] do we do thisssssssss" ... i mocked the gesture back to him when he was done (bc admittedly it WAS super weird for him) as he sat down. its important to note he acted cold towards me in a way, and seemed really different.

he asked me "so, what is it youre doinggg", the same way he said stuff before. i read to him the context of the question on the site and he understood somehow. immediately, he pulled out his phone (which was an older black samsung instead of his iphone??) and began typing an email with all the answers and an explanation. while he did, i subconsciously leaned myself against his shoulder and his whole left arm, before he began to adjust his shoulder as if to shake me off. i sat in the back of my chair, slightly saddened by his gesture, but i didnt want to push boundaries.

it only took 10 seconds and when i checked my email, it was at least 6 pages worth of text. i was super confused as to how he typed so fast!! but he didnt really say anything about it. i scrolled to the end and found he wrote about "forgiving" (idk what to call it, i didnt do anything bad HFKFJFJF) something i had done in real life, hence why this dream felt so real. he gave me an extra assignment in the email and wrote it on a white board on the wall, with a smiley face next to it 🥺 i didnt notice it until later though

i dont remember the context but HE STARTED BRUSHING MY HAIR?? it seemed like he didnt think anything of it, so in my head i was like 😳oh my god ,,, AND I WAS THINKING OF POSTING ABOUT IT ASAP ON MY ACCOUNT GJFBFNF it felt incredible and i didnt want him to stop, and he didnt for some time ,, he played with my hair a little and kept brushing bffnndn and he said stuff while he brushed in that same breathy tone and it made me Lose My Mind

then, he stopped and some stuff happened idk but i sat back down at my usual desk,, he had put a movie up on the big smartboard at the front of the class, and somehow sent us a multi-pic instagram post to look at, which was a quote from some revolutionary about going against our oppressor (🧍NDNDNDMDM) ,, i found some problematic part at the very end, which at this time he walked past my seat, walking around the class as usual. i subconsciously looked to be in deep speculation, and i felt him look down at me, and my screen?? but i didnt look up, as he seemed to be breathing in the same kind of deprived tone as before. he was still walking, though very slowly. it was somehow quiet in the class except for the movie, so his footsteps boomed throughout. somewhere at this time is where i noticed the smiley face on the board, and thought it was very sweet!!

then, the final bell rang for the day. everyone got up, including me and r. i grabbed a black acoustic guitar he just had on display in his class, and went to the cafeteria, waiting for my ride to get here (which i dont do irl?? anyway) ,, on my way there, in the hallways people were talking about the movie they watched in class, and some people were sad they missed out on seeing the insta post ,, i noted it in my head, and i kept on my way to the cafeteria.

i made it there, and found a corner to stand in. the whole place was kinda packed?? i guess it was bc some teacher/staff person was giving a speech right as i was walking into the cafeteria. he said, verbatim, "he said 'im just gonna get a whole fuckton of money and then save it all' and now look at him! hes dead! that motherfucker is dead because he didnt know how to save his shit!" which i found very weird, of course. everyone was quiet during this, and it may have been out of shock too. i was most particularly shocked by the fact that a bunch of staff was lines up near this lecturer, but didnt twitch or bat an eye at all. like they were ok with this???? something very different from irl

when the little rant ended, everyone went back to talking to each other. i began quietly playing the guitar, as i had no one to speak to, even though i did know the person i stood next to. the people who stood around me stopped talking after a few seconds, most of them watching me. unintelligibly, the person i knew asked "you play the sgrhgsuejfk?",, i assumed they had said "guitar" and after careful contemplation for like 10 seconds, i said yes. they didnt reply, so i kept playing as they watched.

some person to the left of me, standing kinda far started annoyingly asking questions towards us. they wouldnt stop, and started targeting people to ask their dumb and strange questions to. i quit playing and walked right up to their face, saying repeatedly "if you're gonna harass anyone, let it be me. why dont you harass me instead? go ahead, ask whatever. harass me, not them." i dont think they were genuinely harassing people post-dream, but thats how i felt and thats how i stated it anyway. after 10 seconds of shouting at them, the person started asking me the question, and as i was about to answer, i looked down at my phone (which read 7:50) and said "i gotta go anyway" ,, i needed to return r's guitar back to his class, so i left the cafeteria, with the person i knew following me, i think.

the hallways seemed much different. i was looking around for r's classroom, confused, and it seemed to become a maze of sorts of unlabelled, windowless doors. instead of looking for his classroom, instarted looking for r himself, wandering around. and i found him!! but he gave me a cold glance as he looked behind himself before closing the door he just opened. as a result, i went to a door parallel, across the hallway. i opened it and it lead to a dark, dimly lit hallway full of several other doors. i was very disoriented, and kept going through random doors. i found r again several times, only for him to enter through another passage of doors, coldly. eventually i found my way out of the maze, and the person i knew reappeared to the right of me, talking to me. we conversed about our day, as i tried to figure out how to get to r's classroom. the school seemed to have a different layout, one that was continuous, unfamiliar, and yet i felt as if i had a sense of direction. the person didnt comment on it, only they followed me wherever i went. we went up and down floors, made it back to the cafeteria, and as we were going up again to try to find his classroom (realizing we went the wrong way) the dream ended.

this was very strange 🧍

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drunklander · 4 years

Text

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 512

Looking for a way to spend Mother’s Day? Well, we here at Outlander have the perfect idea! Celebrate with the women you love by watching us gang rape grannie!

This episode is like the perfect storm of everything that is wrong with Outlander. The cast and crew saying it’s their strongest episode yet when it’s basically artsy gang rape. The CYA trigger warnings when the story would have worked perfectly well without including yet another rape. The kool aid-drinking fans yelling at and acting holier than thou at the fans who rightfully call out the massive problem this show has with rape and assault. The fans yelling at other fans because It’S iN tHe BoOk so it has to be included. The fans yelling at other fans for wanting to follow the books but not wanting rape every 0.5 seconds. The fans yelling at other fans to fuck off if they don’t like the show. The women in the cast throwing out trigger warnings while the men are radio silent or wanting the gladiators to face the plague and fight for their own amusement. It literally has everything.

And I am tired.

I’ve been in this fandom for six years and have had quite a journey. From first discovering the show and immediately devouring the books. The honeymoon period where I could headcanon out all the problematic bits. The getting deep into the fandom nonsense. The getting out of the fandom nonsense. The judging the fandom nonsense because it’s funny and they’re all idiots. The getting sick of the fandom nonsense because it’s not even fun to judge the dummies anymore. The becoming more and more aware that it’s impossible to whistle past the problems in the books and the show. The sticking around, holding out hope things might turn around and the initial magic could be recaptured. And finally, the giving up.

The books are trash. The show is trash. There are a handful of good scenes in each which can be enjoyed on their own, but as a whole, holy shit this stuff is not good. (Seriously, I tried to do a Fiery Cross reread before the season started. I started like a year ago and am still only at Jocasta’s wedding because I just don’t care enough to actually get through it.)

Which brings us here. I am tired. I have already ranted and raged and yelled and swore and wrote far too many words about the gratuitous overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. It fucking has its own tag for fuck’s sake.

So here’s a recap. And then I think I’m done looking at this show in detail. Not because the idiot fans insist on coming to my notes to tell me to fuck off if I don’t like the show. Not because the crew are condescending douchecanoes. Not because the author is a misogynist garbage heap. But because spending an hour of my time for a few weeks out of the year to write these things isn’t worth it. I did it for as long as I did because it took so little time. So why not? But yeah, it’s not even worth that tiny commitment anymore.

And to the people who I know will @ me about how no one was forcing me to stick around and I could have quit any time, yeah, no shit captain obvious, I know that. Fuck off already. I stuck around because I really liked the little corner of the fandom that I’d found. I made some awesome friends. Most of those friends have since quit the fandom. I’m really glad to have them in my life outside of this little corner of the internet. And it was a fun writing exercise. I don’t really like the show anymore, but I enjoyed building an argument about why I don’t like it and think it’s bad that has valid points behind it. Especially considering how blindly overly adoring a bunch of the fandom is about it. But now I think I’d rather consume Outlander content as pretty people in pretty period costumes in gifsets. Or like, on in the background but not really paying close attention. Why not quit altogether? Because to quote the great Ron Swanson (I’m halfway through a Parks rewatch and I just love that show a lot ok.), I can do what I want. And besides, there’s like a fucking library’s worth of fics that I haven’t read and have been meaning to. And I like the characters enough to want to keep reading about them in stories that are better than the canon. (Bless you fic writers, blesssss.)

So. Was this whole ramble self-indulgent and overly serious for a fucking TV show? Absofuckinglutely. But please see the aforementioned Swansonism.

Alright, fuckos. Let’s do this.

This is a Roberts brainchild, isn’t it. *checks credits* Yup. Knew it. This feels very much like a Roberts special. In that he is probs quite pleased with himself but like, it’s crap.

Yes, we ARE doing ANOTHER rape story! But look! It’s a disassociation montage! It’s the ‘60s, get it?! There are callbacks! An orange from the king in season 2! A vase from season 1! A rabbit from season 3! An amber-looking dragonfly! Jamie with the young hair spouting off book lines! ApPrEcIaTe MuH aRt! We are so good at finding new and creative ways to rape our characters! Fuck off, twatwaffle. You are the worst.

Like, does Roger feel left out at this point? He’s only been hanged. Literally everyone else has either been raped, been sexually assaulted, or been threatened with rape and/or sexual assault.

“But it’s not gratuitous! Look! They’re all so different! Jamie’s was overly graphic and he got a half a season to brood about! We manged to not show much of Fergus’ (but still showed a thrust) because he’s a child and it was just a plot device for Jamie and not actually about him! Mary’s was about Fred! Claire’s with the king was about Jamie! Jamie’s with Geneva was shot like p0rn! Marsali being threatened by the sailors was to motivate Fergus! Bree’s was about the other people in the room and Roger! Claire’s really has no purpose because she’s already been kidnapped and beaten, and that is super traumatic, and we’re gonna wrap it up with a bow by the end of the episode!”

This fucking show, guys. This fucking show.

Bonus points* for the Black character spouting off the superstitious stuff.

*By bonus points I mean this show, and the books are absolute shit on matters of race. The books especially.

The cast and crew have 100% heard everyone’s thoughts on the overuse of rape in the Outlanderverse. And their response has been to include more and more of it. We had a whole season of one character’s arc being about her rape and literally as soon as that was resolved, they gang rape another character. It really does tell you as much as you need to know about them. Lazy. Fucking. Cowards.

Kidnapping not enough trauma? Let’s add some gang rape! Gang rape not enough trauma? Let’s add visualizing that your daughter and grandchild are dead! Just like Fred died! This show really brings trauma p0rn to a whole new level.

Called the Bree and Roger shit.

This scene with the men rallying to go save Claire is like another layer of fuck you. Bree, you stay home, men, give your hero lines and let’s have a getting ready montage. Because your hero moment is what this is really all about. And your manpain about killing someone. *screams into a pillow*

The petty side of me is happy that it was Fergus and Young Ian who are with Claire when they find her and not Roger. Her two sons...

Why yes, I am judging all of the fans who like get their panties all wet over Jamie being like “It is I who kills for her.” Like “yeah go ahead and rape and beat Claire within an inch of her life if it means the big strong man gets to come in and save her and say something intense.” Fuck off and go take a hard look at yourself and what that says about you.

“Was there an Indian there?” “Nope, he wouldn’t help you because LiOnEl but somehow was able to peace out when it was in his interest. Because he is as bad as the ones who actually raped you.”

The Bree and Claire hug makes me both sad and angry. I want to hug them both and take them out of this fucking place and tell them that they’ve been done dirty and deserved fucking better from the writers.

Glad Marsali gets in on the hug. Claire’s two remaining daughters.

Claire’s “I have fucking survived” speech is like the one time she she actually talks about herself not in relation to a man. It’s about her. Claire. HOWEVER! It is epically fucked up that a woman needs to check off all the trauma she’s endured to show she’s a strong character.

So. Fucked. Up.

The fact that we’re spending time on Roger’s manpain about killing someone also really tells us a lot about the show’s feelings toward women. Yeah, killing someone is a big deal. It’s normal and expected to have feelings about it. But the juxtaposition of Claire’s speech about all of her traumas with Roger being like yeah, I killed a guy who had kidnapped, beaten and raped your mom is like, read the room, bro/writers.

The fact that the men put Claire’s rapist in her surgery, her space, her place of healing, where she is able to be most herself, makes me want to punch each and every one of them in the throat. Like seriously. Fuck each and every one of them.

Also Lionel is like cartoonishly terrible. Not that nuance has ever been this show’s strong suit. But like come the fuck on.

Marsali killing Lionel is the one thing about this episode that I didn’t hate. The men are all like “We kill for Claire! Let’s all rally in this montage and go do the manly thing of defending the woman!” Marsali is just like, yeah, that’s my Ma you fucked with. She shows some agency. She doesn’t do it in a performative way for the other men or for Claire like the guys do. She just knows this fuck needs to die, knows it’s gonna be hard for her and might damn her soul (don’t worry Marsali, all that religion crap is bullshit), and does it anyway.

Marsali’s arc has been my favorite of this whole fucking series. The one bright spot I was hanging on to all of this season especially.

Her quick scene with Jamie doesn’t bother me like Roger’s does. Because Roger is like oh no, I killed a guy! Can you forgive me? For killing a rapist? Like fuck off, bro. And Marsali is like yeah, I killed a guy. I hope I’m not damned for it, but the guy needed to die so I did it.

Also like, Richard had potential to not be cartoonishly bad. But like nope. “He reaped what he sowed, but cLeArLy I’m gonna need to escalate this further. Because manly men can’t let shit go.”

Fuck all men, tbh.

*googles how to emigrate to Themyscira*

Jamie’s speech that’s like supposed to parallel Claire’s can fuck all the way off. Giving him the last voice over just underscores how this was all about men. Not Claire. But the men. Fuuuuck everything.

Look! Everything’s fine again! Back to normal! Peaceful for a bit! With a cheesy af on the nose storm coming! So you know something bad’s coming! In case you forgot!

And Jamie got a book line. So it’s all good now.

And don’t worry about Claire, y’all. She feels safe now. Her and Jamie fucked it out.

It’s amazing, in retrospect, that I ever let this story suck me in so much.

Happy Mother’s Day! See you on the other side of the hiatus.

#*#outlander starz #outlander 5x12 #drunj!der yells about outlander #rape in outlander

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mrslackles · 4 years

Text

Would you please leave my house now?

2𝓍𝟣𝟣 – 𝑅ɪᴏ’𝓈 𝐿ᴏᴏᴋʙᴏᴏᴋ: ʜᴏᴍᴇ ᴇᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴ

Rio calling his loft a house is an oddity, and yet I promise you that is the least weird thing we are about to encounter.

Before we start, I challenge you to truly scour these screenshots and by the end have a vote ready for which is the strangest decoration this man has in his home. There is no prize, but we can all collectively acknowledge what an insane weirdo Rio is.

Ready? Let’s go!

The living room

We have one exposed brick wall, one painted white brick wall, a brown leather armchair, and a lamp that I have several questions about.

We can all agree that no room would be complete without giant symmetrical abstract paintings on either side of a shelving unit filled with knick-knacks. Please also note the kids’ play area outside Marcus’ room on the left-hand side that includes a soft octopus toy and tiny chairs.

Let’s be real: the lamp situation is out of control. Especially since so many are turned on in the daytime?? There are at least 20 in this, the world’s least cosy sitting room, but no TV. There’s also a coffee table with a lamp in the middle of it, and a side table with white leather finishing and topped with another lamp and a stone statuette that looks like a cock ring.

This shelving unit contains a record player, first edition books, another painting squished in (?) and a cuboidal piece of decor I have no explanation for.

Also about a thousand vases:

There are also these woven storage baskets that I guess are for Marcus’ toys, but they are everywhere and I feel like Rio has more storage options than any sane single man does.

7.5/10

Marcus’ room

I’m going to assume the maid has just been by because this is the neatest child’s room I have ever seen in my life. There are also more stuffed animals (plus a burger!) than I had my whole childhood, and two pairs of black shoes (this is Rio’s son, after all) neatly standing at the food of the bed. There’s a colour palette far too sophisticated for someone under the age of 13, plus a ridiculous amount of art.

Also another play table, because you can ever have enough when you have one whole child.

9.5/10

The kitchen

I’m going to go on the record as not loving the moss green in the kitchen, but the rest of it has Rich Bitch Rio stamped all over it. I know professional chefs whose kitchens aren’t this fire. He has a wide stainless steel fridge and copper pots. Do you know how expensive that shit is?? (To quote Chris Morocco: Polished copper in a kitchen is a signifier of all the other things that are also being done correctly.) Beside those pots we have black crockery (what else would you expect from our goth king?) under what is either a vase or a tagine pot, and I’m not sure which I would have more questions about.

There are also half a dozen brown leather barstools at the kitchen island because if there’s one thing we know about Rio, it’s how much he loves to entertain. And then because our man is a tea-lover, there’s a stovetop kettle because he’s also British I guess.

9/10 -- Ngl, the copper pots really won me over

The bedroom

The other thing we know about Rio is that he loves blue bedding (no, really), so it’s no surprise to see some of that here. What is surprising is that whole-ass tree just casually standing there?? Also, I can sooner imagine Rio flinging himself out of that window than having a nice relaxing sit in that comfy leather chair with its matching footrest. Then there’s some more art and another vase (because honestly, what gang leader doesn’t have 30 vases in every corner of their home?).

8.5/10

Some more art

I’m gonna be real, I do not think me and Art Hoe Rio’s tastes gel, but I’m going to try to be objective about these pieces.

Outside his closet:

7/10 -- Mostly for use of colour. The framing is a little depressing

8/10 -- Reminds me of Neapolitan ice cream. Very satisfying.

Left: 7/10 -- What I imagine hung in drawing rooms in the 1800s

Right: 7.5/10 -- Some abstract drawing of a body that, together with that statuette over there, tells me Rio has some fascination with anatomy besides just couriering parts of it around

If you can tell me what is to the right side of Beth’s head here, I will applaud you. Then there’s another huge painting above the desk, not to mention the enormous storage deposit box chest on the right-hand side that has a minimum of one million tiny drawers.

Some more storage

I bet those storage boxes contain pictures of him wearing colour. Those are not allowed to see the light of day. 8/10 (P.S. Are those not the most goth photo frames you have ever seen?)

This is getting insane. Rio is either a straight-up hoarder or just loves drawers as much as he loves buttons.

7/10 for them all because they’re pretty but I also think Rio has a problem.

Here, for example, there is a whole drawer dedicated to his professional chef’s knives, black whisk and other kitchen utensils. NBD.

And above that? Even more (tiny) drawers, flanked by a kitchen scale and some other fancy kitchen gadget I can’t identify:

Then there’s this unit near his bed, which -- surprise, surprise -- has even more drawers (are there any more wooden drawers left in Detroit??):

We’re definitely not going to talk about the egg-shaped glass ornament on his bedside table. That’s a totally normal thing to want to wake up to and look at every morning.

And, last but not least, the drawers in his closet:

At least two of those are dedicated to beanies, nobody can argue with me on this.

I hope that your head isn’t completely spinning at this point and you were able to choose the weirdest piece in this place. And yes, I know, it’s tough to choose, but here’s mine:

Rio. My dude. WHAT IS THIS?? Are you a deep-sea diver (honestly, I would believe anything at this point)? Did you find this at the bottom of the ocean? Do you have an artist friend who gives you strange stuff that you don’t hide in cupboards like a normal person? Explanations are needed but also none will be accepted.

Still, I have to end on the most beautiful piece of art in Rio’s home:

Ah. I forgive you for your drawer fetish, sir.

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infinitys-spirits · 3 years

Note

Hi thanks for the response, I don’t hate you, and I want you to have a good life, I just disagree with some of views and am genuinely curious about what other people think, and I would like to address some of the tags.

First saying “lgb drop the t” is honestly not a good way to get your point across as most people agree that lgbtqia+ is something that should include everyone who is falls out of society’s norms on gender, sexuality, and anatomy.

I think something a lot of people don’t know is that trans women and men are biologically different and studies have show that trans women have a brian structure close to that of a cis women’s than a man, not only that but there have been multiple historical instances of trans people.

I of course you don’t have the statistics I wouldn’t expect you too, I just want you to have some perspective and maybe do a bit of research into the hate and oppression trans and other gender queer people face.

I know personally from being a trans person that it is not from my internalized homophobia (I don’t know why it would be) and is not autogynphobia. I struggle every feeling as if I was born into the wrong body and it makes day to day life pretty difficult so I hope you can understand at least my personal struggles even if you still don’t fully understand the trans experience.

And although I disagree with it please ask for a space or groups for only cis women with out making about excluding trans women.

I hope you have a nice day and thanks for your time :)

I’ll address each point individually to make things easy on myself.

1. Most TRAs approach us radfems with hateful intent.

2a. “Lgb drop the t” is a general radfem/gender critical tag that I use to spread my posts. It isn’t that deep. Plus, the LGB is united in our same sex attraction. The T was originally added to accommodate same-sex attracted people who also enjoyed crossdressing and considered themselves “transsexual”. The current trans rights movement is homophobic and its goals are antithetical to the rights and needs of the LGB. They ask us (I’m a lesbian for reference) to go under conversion therapy. They demand that we “examine our preferences”. I will never want a relationship with a trans woman because they are men. I will never want a relationship with a man and I never have. The trans movement says that if a son likes dresses, he must in fact be a girl. Radfems simply say that he is a boy who likes dresses and that that is fine. The same is true for girls, but a little more serious. Teenage girls, including myself at the time, often hate our bodies. We go from a regular kid to a sexual object during puberty. The trans movement says that these uncomfortable feelings must be dysphoria and that you’re actually nonbinary or trans. No, you’re just a girl who is uncomfortable with society’s expectations, and that is completely normal. Note that dysphoria is a real and severe condition, but often fades after puberty (I believe the stat is 80% of the time it fades? Don’t quote me, I’m new here and I only run this blog casually). Those with gender dysphoria often benefit from talk therapy to help them understand the source of their feelings. I’m sure a radfem who faces dysphoria can tell you more. (Forgive me, Tumblr’s formatting is being stupid and any new paragraph I try to make is a million meters down)…. 2b. The LGB isn’t the “weird kids club”. It was made for those who experience same sex attraction. It originally had nothing to do with gender identity or level of sexual attraction. I, for example, am sex-repulsed. I consider myself asexual. But I am only in the LGB for my same sex attraction towards women. Straight aces are not in the LGB. 3. Oh goodness the brain sex argument… Everyone’s brains are different. The only sex difference is in size. Men have slightly larger brains because they have larger skulls. If anything, differences within the male sex should discredit the brain sex argument. There is nothing in your anatomy that makes you desire to be more feminine or more masculine. To suggest there is is sexist. It’s like when old philosophers would say that women are just “natural followers” and shit. (My god I hate this. You’re arguing with the wrong person…) 4. The statistics. All you TRAs love to hype up about trans women getting killed. It’s unfortunate that anyone dies. BUT, the vast majority of TWs killed were in prostitution and killed by their MALE johns. They are also killed because of homophobia. But it’s still male on male violence. Consider the millions of females aborted or murdered in China’s one child policy. Consider the hundreds of thousands mutilated all around the world because of FGM. Consider those who are killed by domestic violence. Consider those who get acid thrown on them. There are billions of dead women in history who were killed just for having the misfortune of being born female. 5. I do sympathize with your struggles. You are AFAB, yes? If I had been a little younger when all this transgender stuff kicked off, I would’ve wanted to transition myself. I definitely want to be a man sometimes. I feel for you how you feel you are in the wrong body. Believe me or don’t, but I get it. I am you, in a way. You may not be a lesbian or bisexual and don’t experience internalized homophobia or biphobia. Only straight males experience autogynophilia. From your descriptions, it seems like you are dissatisfied with how the world views you. You just wanna be a person, right? You just wanna be yourself and get the respect you deserve no matter your appearance or your sex. That is completely normal and understandable. Most women feel the way you do. Even “cis” women. We all just approach it differently.

#this was long #please please just dm me #this was more stressful than I thought itd be #you seem like a nice person #but PLEASE JUST DM ME #tumblr format sucks omg #I couldn’t fit in your last part #about the separatist groups…#WE DO #we ask for female only groups!#but they get invaded by TW and called transphobic #we aren’t ALLOWED to have anything to ourselves

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theheightofdishonor · 4 years

Text

Top 10 Battles in the Metal Saga (in no particular order)

Kyoya-Ryuga

There aren’t many battles that are just about raw power the way this one is. The whole thing is just so extra, from ruining the stadium before the battle even begins to ending with Ryuga’s possession and Kyoya passing out with a dragon’s tail going through his chest. The power-play between these two is riveting. And on top of that, it’s the closest anyone but Gingka and Nemesis ever gets to beating Ryuga. However, it does annoy me that Kyoya is the only one of Ryuga’s opponents in Battle Bladers who comes out unaffected in the long-term. After their respective battles, Hikaru retires from Beyblade, Tsubasa suffers with possession, and both experience a healthy dose of PTSD but apparently, Kyoya gets away with no signs of it? I call bullshit.

2.Da Xian - Julian

If you didn’t love Da Xiang before, you had to after this battle. It did a brilliant job of highlighting how good Dashan is at manipulating people, and doing so “coolly, and brilliantly”. Dashan sees the scene as the opportunity it is and coaxes Julian from a disheartened shell of his former self to someone who’s willing to try again without the man even knowing. Oh, and he gets Julian to appreciate the value of his friends too. And beats him in battle easily. And delivers, “You think you and I are alike? That’s an insult, ” decimating Julian’s remaining pride. Talk about being cool. (Chao Xin should definitely take pointers)

3. Gingka vs 100 (supposedly) Face Hunters

I had a hard time choosing between this and the battle earlier in the episode where Gingka first saves Kenta from Face Hunters, but I think this holds more impact and the one Kenta thinks is more notable. As a fight itself, it’s short compared to some of the other more epic battles on this list, and its placement is more about the consequences of it than the contents of the actual battle itself. It’s the moment where Kenta’s admiration for Gingka really cements, and the moment that Kyoya takes a serious interest in him, shaping his relationship with two people who will be monumental in his life. Also, Gingka looks super cool and baby Kenta is adorable.

4. Excalibur-Gan Gan Galaxy

This battle has one of my favourite scenes of ALL TIME- Masamune single-handedly cutting through Sophie and Wales’s joint special move. Let me just take a second to gush about how powerful he is and how much I love him and how he deserves so much more love and did I mention he stopped the twins in their track with ONE MOVE. Your fave could never but if I don’t stop now, i’ll be talking about Masamune all day.

The visual of Pegasus and Striker moving as one force, with the music crescendoing only for Destroyer to cut them down at the climax, is breathtaking. Seriously, I’ve watched that one scene on repeat and my breath catches.

I love to see Masamune and Gingka work together as a team, especially because it’s not their preferred dynamic and it doesn’t always come easily to them. But when they try, they’re magic together, partially because they’re so alike. This is the only battle where we get the full force of the Y-Masamune-Gingka dynamic, a god-tier trio who can only possess one brain cell when they’re together because otherwise, they’d be way too strong. Let’s be real. If these morons actually combined their intelligence, they would have crushed Excalibur to dust. We need more scenes with them tbh

As a side note, it was not at all ok for these guys to crash the festival or for Yu to ruin a culturally important arena. It’s played off way to lightheartedly for my tastes. It’s not even the only time they’re insensitive- in Fury, Yu and Kyoya damage ancient ruins and Gingka’s group explicitly disobeys orders to not step on a sacred volcano. The whole thing is kinda gross and the Metal Saga should address its serious disregard for other cultures. Sophie losing her shit on a literal 12 year old was funny though.

5. The Legendary Bladers-Nemesis part 2

This is a pretty long battle, I linked it to where the battle begins but it doesn’t end until the end of the next episode. There’s a lot about this battle that drives me crazy- like why are you people just letting Kenta destroy himself, why are the strongest bladers in the world who were specifically chosen for this battle unable to withstand for more than two hits, etc BUT- this is when Ryuga hands over the Star Fragment which is cool and emotional enough to let everything else slide. It’s a pretty satisfying conclusion to the Kenta-Ryuga arc and rings parallel to Metal Fusion down to Ryuga pulling a Storm Pegasus and disappearing into thin air.Which talking about, I will forever be mad Storm Pegasus doesn’t ever come into play after Metal Fusion. Shogun Steel would have been such a perfect time to bring Storm Pegasus back to play and assure in a new era- such wasted potential, but I digress.

Oh, and friendly reminder that Yu’s Inferno Blast breaks through Rago’s barrier while 8 Legendary Bladers combined couldn’t leave a dent on Nemesis.

6. Kenta-Reiji

Talking about emotional, if you didn’t cry during this battle, you’re a liar- it’s painful to watch. The entire thing with Kenta using Libra’s performance tip and his insistence that he has to win for Yu- it breaks your heart. Reiji is such a great villain because he does exactly what he’s meant to do- make the audience be invested in him. He’s so unnecessarily cruel, so irredeamable, and this episode drills that into your skull. Even the spectators of the match can’t look on as Reiji tortured Kenta well after Sagittario has stopped spinning.

7. Easter Island

It would take too long to name everyone involved in this, so i’m not going to. But boy is it a ride You’ve got King starting it off with Chris for insulting/defeating/humiliating Masamune- a noble cause if there ever was one. His impassioned defense of his boyfriend is one of the best speeches/declarations in the Saga and is also 80% of the reason this battle is on the list. The guy has his priorities straight, ok. Gingka says it’s either Masamune’s feelings or the world and King chooses Masamune, no questions, no hesitations. Can’t say I blame him. Especially after seeing the heartbreak on Masamune’s face when Chris insults him. But of course, the world is actually more important so

Gingka jumps in to stop King which as Benkai mentions, you can’t stop him from battling by actually battling him, so I don’t know what Gingka was thinking. Johannes’s lackies, including Aguma and the Beylin Fist, joins the battle, prompting Zeo, Toby, etc to also join. Then Ryuga appears and starts draining Chris’s power before Kenta stops him (thus publically revealing their affiliation to the world) and the two disappear. Literally everyone is involved, Johannes tells Chris to “man up” when he dares to show pain that Ryuga is literally stealing his power away but then vanishes because he doesn’t want to face Gingka head on yet. Can you say hypocrite? And while this was all happening, Johannes somehow managed to buy Chris’s loyalties.

It’s insane and so much fun.

8.Tsubasa-Jack

I didn’t expect to put this on the list but I watched it recently and had a newfound appreciation for it so here it is. While the team battle with Excalibur was the climax of Tsubasa’s arc, this was the resolution. It is arguably Tsubasa’s best battle of the series. He made his recovery with Excalibur, had a practice run with the Garcias, and by this battle, Tsubasa is better than ever. There’s a satisfaction in watching Tsubasa beat Jack with ease. After struggling the entire season, it's very cathartic. There’s this one bit where Jack is complaining about battling Ryuga and how Tsubasa can’t possibly know the disappointment he felt and Tsubasa snaps, because how fucking dare he, who the fuck did Jack think he is. Again, very cathartic.

Irrelevant, but this episode has some of the best quotes including gems like

“What is this? A bunch of creepy pictures”;

“Oh dear Tsubasa” queue Jack asking for a battle;

“You’re really lacking in the culture department” - Jack to Madoka, “

The rest of Gan-Gan Galaxy are common, unrefined types”.

The list never ends. Do yourself a favour and watch the episode.

9. Zoe-Toby-Masamune

This is the only season where there’s no one Final Battle but instead two separate climactic moments- Ryuga and Gingka working together to stop Hades City from melting down(?) and Toby and Zeo fighting to bring Toby back to normal.

Unlike the Finales in Fusion and Fury, this one’s private, personal. Not only were Ryuga-Gingka battle and the Battle against Nemesis attended by a lot of people, they were also widely broadcasted across the world. In comparison, Toby, Zeo and Masamune (and Ziggurat at one point) are the only ones to witness the Finale in Masters. It’s a very intimate moment. Their friendship is fractured-Toby's brainwashed, Zeo was manipulated, and there’s still tension because Masamune left them in a time of need. The two of them are finally confronting just how much their friendship has strained: Masamune never imagined Zeo would resent him when he only ever wanted to fulfill Toby’s wish; he’s almost offended Zeo would think so badly of him. On the other hand, Zeo wrestles between accepting Ziggurat manipulated him but also his very valid resentment towards Masamune. They both hurt each other but get past it and forgive each other for the sake of their best friend. Bey battles are when bladers communicate through each other and in this one, these three use it to find their way back to each other.

10.

Gingka-Kyoya

Of course, the list wouldn’t be complete without a Gingka-Kyoya battle. Despite Kyoya being Gingka’s second biggest rival, they only have 3 complete battles with a clear winner. (Kyoya is disqualified in Survival Battle, and neither won in the Championships Team battle or the one in Fury). Despite there being so few options, it was still hard for me to choose because they’re all brilliant and my opinion changes every other day.

Honestly, I didn’t remember why I chose this battle, so I went back in and re-watched it- SO many thoughts. For one thing, Kyoya sounds like a cheesy bat man villain. Seriously though, the battle feels so off to me because in this episode, Kyoya is more or less just another evil villain; a pale foreshadow of what Ryuga will become in the Final Battle. I’m not even kidding. This hits almost the exact beats that the Gingka-Ryuga battle will. I didn’t like this battle when I re-watched it for this post. Gingka and Kyoya’s battles are important because of the history and bond they share and in this battle, neither of those are solidified and it’s just not as satisfying.

I will admit though that this battle was important for them, mostly Kyoya who was headed towards unhinged-Ryuga territory before Gingka saved him. It kickstarts Kyoya into being the lovable grump we know he’s capable of being and creates a debt towards Gingka which in turn develops into an actual friendship. It’s an important step of their journey and I can’t begrudge it too much ig. If you really want to watch a Gingka-Kyoya battle for non-thematic reasons, though, I recommend the World Championships or the one in Metal Fury Ep 1

#metal saga #beyblade metal saga #gingka hagane #beyblade #metal fusion #metal masters #metal fury #beyblade metal fight #metal fight #kyoya tategami #kenta yumiya #ryuga

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theonewiththefanfics · 6 years

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A Midnight Reminder (one-shot)

Synopsys: Ben Hardy has been dating the Reader for little more than a year now, and their relationship has been amazing so far. But when some things are revealed and insecurities flare up, she’ll need to remind him of who owns her heart.

Pairing: Ben Hardy x f!Reader

Genre: fluff, toiny bit of angst, SMUT

Warnings: SMUT (unprotected sex and all that good jazz. Wrap it before you tap it, guys.), swearing, jealousy

Word count: 3499

“I have better things to do on my Saturday nights,” Ben said as Roger Taylor and then smugly smiled. “I could give you their names.” On cue, Gwilym as Brian May rolled his eyes and that’s when the director called cut. The two men stood up and stretched their legs, looking at a makeup artist who was doing the finishing touches on Rami’s hair, and Joe who had just decided to tag along, since he wasn’t in the scene. But that was not what took away Ben’s attention. There in the corner talking to Lucy was the most beautiful girl, with Y/E/C eyes that sparkled like diamonds and a smile that always took his breath away. “I hope my name is the only one you’re giving away,” Y/N said, giving him a small smile when Ben finally caught up on the fact, that she was actually there. In a second’s time, he had sprinted across the set and Y/N, anticipating his next move, had already jumped up, their bodies colliding as she wrapped her legs around his waist and her arms had a death grip on his shoulders. “You’re here, you’re here, you’re here,” Ben kept mumbling in the crook of Y/N’s neck and she just vigorously nodded as a response. Without thinking much, he started to make his way back to his assigned trailer when she muttered in his skin, “Are you not gonna let me say hi to Rami? Or introduce me to the rest of the guys?” “Nope,” Ben popped the ‘p’. “I haven’t seen you in two months, so forgive me if I wanna spend all of my time with my girlfriend. Alone.” At the last word Y/N saw his pupils dilate and a shiver went down her spine, but she had to be the grownup, even though her heart screamed to give into the mind of that horny teenager.

“Come on,” she said pecking his lips. “I wanna meet Queen.” Begrudgingly, Ben set the girl down and interlocking their fingers, he led her around the set to meet the guys. “Okay, that’s Gwil, Joe and you know Rami. Great, now you’ve met them, let’s go,” the excitement in Ben’s voice as he thought of spending time alone with Y/N was palpable, but she just laughed, pulling him back. “Don’t be rude,” Y/N kissed him quickly. “I’m here for two whole weeks, so we’ll have enough time. Besides, I don’t think I heard them call wrap, so you still have work to finish.” Ben groaned and dramatically let his head flop down on Y/N’s shoulder. “But you’re here,” he whined, wrapping both arms around her waist. “Wow, you really have him wrapped around your finger,” Joe said, but it was not meant in a mean-spirited way. Y/N shrugged. “What can I say- he has me the same way.” Sooner rather than later, the guys were called to re-set, and they ran through the scene a few more times, Rami finally joining in before they wrapped for the day. Ben was the first one to dash to hair and makeup, sprinting to wardrobe just so he didn’t have to waste any second, he could be spending with Y/N. When he found her again, she was talking to Allen Leech and the man was completely in awe. Ben grinned, seeing her get along with his fellow cast mates so well and came up from behind, wrapping his arms around her waist. “Hey, my Ben’s back!” Y/N smiled pecking his lips. “Allen and I were talking about going to your trailer and just chilling. Maybe order a pizza or something.” “Sure, you were. Or is that just your way of saying you want pizza?” “I’m off the fucking diet, so if you wanna talk shit about me enjoying life, I can go straight home.” Ben didn’t say anything just smiled and kissed her cheek, as he, Y/N and Allen all made their way to get together the rest of the gang and hang out.

***

The cast, including Lucy all, sat in the ‘Band’ trailer, just talking and discussing things. Loud laughter erupted through the small space as everyone cackled at what Allen’s reaction to his first meeting Y/N had been. “I’m just a huge fan of her music and movies. Can you blame me?” Y/N just waved a hand in a ‘stop it’ motion and snuggled closer to Ben. The man smiled down at her, and honestly, he couldn’t say that Allen tripping over a bunch of wires and stumbling over every single word that tried to make its way out of his mouth, was that off from his own experience. Y/N was an actual Rockstar and an Academy Award-winning actress. They’d met when he first had heard the rumours about a biopic of Queen being made. Instantly, Ben had gone to the closest studio to his London apartment to meet up with the person that would be his drumming teacher when he’d walked into someone, literally making the person fall on their ass. “Holy, shit! I’m so so sor-“ but he stopped mid-sentence seeing the one the only Y/N Y/L/N brush off the dust from her jeans. “ ‘S fine. Should’ve been watching where I was going anyway.” She looked up only to see two big green eyes and a wide goofy grin. “You’re Y/N Y/L/N.” The girl chuckled extending a hand. “And you’re Ben Hardy.” He started nervously laughing. “You know who I am.” On the inside he was feeling like a child on Christmas, the giddiness almost making him bounce on his feet. “I do,” she smirked before walking around the man and towards the exit of the studio. “And if what I’ve heard from Rog and Bri is true, I’ll be seeing you around. Top candidate for the role of mister Taylor and all.” Ben stood there, in the middle of the hallway, a dumb grin stretched across his face until his drum teacher clapped down on his shoulder, bringing the man back to reality. “You look happy.” “I just met Y/N Y/L/N.” “Ah,” his teacher smiled, leading them to the practice studio. “Well, then you might want to keep your fangirling on the inside. You’ll be seeing her a lot around here.” And he had. She was there to record another album while Westworld was on break, her playing one of the main characters and all before she went back to LA to start filming. But it was three months down the line they had formed something akin to a friendship. It was the middle of the night, when he’d seen her again, tears streaming down her face as she stormed inside the studio and suddenly, she had screamed. Ben was by the drums, trying to memorize the beats to ‘Another One Bites the Dust’ when the loud yell had scared him. Instantly, he was out of the recording booth and saw a hunched over form sobbing in her hands. “Are you alright?” he wanted to smack himself the moment those words left his mouth. Of course, she wasn’t alright. No one cries like that when everything is good. “I- yeah,” Y/N said, wiping a tear away. “What are you doing here anyway? It’s past one o’clock already.” “Practicing,” Ben said, and she just nodded. Slowly he made his way next to the couch and sat down beside her. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Y/N shook her head and rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Just hold me, please.” So, he did. He wrapped both his arms around the girl and hugged her. Together they laid down on the sofa and fell asleep. After that incident, they became closer and closer until the man finally gathered the courage and asked her out for a coffee. The smile she had given him had made his heart stop. Ben was so far back into the memories of how he’d met the girl and had fallen in love with the talented human being, it was when she said words he never expected to hear, that brought him back. “You know, if things had been different, it wouldn’t be me and Ben here together, but me and your lead singer,” she pointed at Rami with her chin, who chuckled at that. That threw Ben for a loop. Of course, he’d heard the rumours of the two stars of Night at the Museum hitting it off behind the scenes as well, but never did he think it was true. Media always liked to speculate. When the two had started filming the first movie, tabloids absolutely loved writing that the actors who played the love interests in the movie had a romance of their own going on off stage. Instant jealousy rippled through his veins as he looked at Rami, who had his own hand on Lucy’s knee, her eyes wide and looking back and forth between the two. “And what happened?” she asked. Ben felt Y/N shrug. “I don’t know. I think we kinda decided to try it out because everyone else was saying how good we looked together, how great the chemistry was and blah blah blah. But as the ‘relationship’,” Y/N put the word in air quotes with her fingers, “progressed, it just didn’t feel natural. It felt like I was dating my best friend, but not in a good way.” Rami nodded along, looking off into the distance. “We tried to see what everyone else saw, but ultimately it was not what either of us wanted or needed. And honestly, I know you feel the same Y/N, so I’m just gonna say it- kissing you off-set was the weirdest fucking thing ever. I think that is why it took us until the third one to actually do anything. Just the thought of you that way made me feel weird.” Her loud laugh echoed through the trailer, but Ben couldn’t stop thinking about the new revelation. She had been together with Rami. Not for long and neither seemed to have enjoyed that kind of a relationship, but still. It was a pretty big thing Y/N had kept from him and the actor didn’t like it. Of course, he realized how unfair he was being towards the two, all of that having happened years ago, but when you’re surrounded by the glitz and glam so much, it’s hard to sometimes distinguish what is real and it makes you question things. “Don’t take this wrong, Rami, but even if we had ended up having something serious, it wouldn’t have lasted long.” “Yeah,” the man nodded and looked down at Lucy with the same fond smile Y/N looked up at Ben. “Why’s that?” the blond asked, uncertainty in his eyes. Y/N seeing this sighed and slid a palm to cup his cheek. “Because I found love in you. And I could not fathom being with someone who doesn't own my heart.” There was an audible ‘aww’ from Gwil and Allen, but Joe scoffed, playfully rolling his eyes. The bromance between the two was one of Y/N’s favourite things as Ben always sent her funny snaps and Instagram messages of the two goofing around. "Gross," he muttered and the trailer was overtaken by laughter.

***

Y/N’s head was heavy as she leaned against Ben’s shoulder, as they made their way together to his trailer, after four more hours of talking and giggling with the cast. “You alright?” he asked, the deep voice she adored so much laced with concern. “Mhm,” she hummed, closing her eyes for a second. “Just tired.” He pressed a sweet kiss to her temple and wrapped his arm tighter around her waist. “We’re almost there.” She walked the rest of the way with her eyes closed, trusting Ben to guide her and not let her trip over things or hit her head at a low hanging sign. With a soft click. Ben unlocked his trailer and he let Y/N step inside first. She didn’t even wait for the door to be closed when she pulled off her pants and shirt. “Giving me a show, are we?” Ben smirked, eyes raking up and down his girlfriend’s body, but both of them knew, he was just teasing. Y/N was so tired she could fall asleep while standing up. Gently, he scooped her up in his arms and went over to the bed, placing her above the covers, while he quickly got rid of his own clothes. A soft whine of ‘come here’ fluttered through the air, making his heart clench. As he laid down, Y/N pulling the bedding from underneath her and over them, Ben wrapped her in his embrace and sweetly kissed her. “Night, love.” “Love you.” Y/N fell asleep in a second, but Ben seemed to be doomed never to close his eyes. The thought of her being with Rami had overtaken every part of his brain and he hated how bitter it made him feel. She wasn’t in love with his costar, Y/N was in love with Ben, and he knew it without a doubt, so why this new revelation made him so jealous, was beyond the Brit. “Baby, you okay?” her voice was raspy with sleep and Ben sighed, turning to his side to wrap an arm around her midsection. Her worried tone made his chest hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “About what?” “About you and Rami? Why didn’t you tell me you had a thing with him?” Y/N was becoming wider awake with every passing second, so she leaned up on her elbow to better look at Ben’s face. “Because, as I said before, it wasn’t even a thing. And what does it matter? That was more than two years ago, and nothing came of it. He’s like a brother to me.” A devilish smirk appeared on her face. “Is someone jealous?” Y/N whispered leaning up and letting her teeth nip at Ben’s ear. He groaned feeling her hips roll into his as she had hiked her knee over his side. “Can you blame me? You’re this amazing actress/ fucking rock and roll legend at this point. How could I not be when you could have anyone you wished to?” She continued on with the motions, eliciting delightful moans from Ben. “And have you seen yourself in the mirror, darling?” Y/N groaned, feeling him stiffen with every movement their bodies made. “Fuck, if I let myself go off every time, I read a comment on any social media about how much of an Adonis you are and how much everyone wants to be with you, I’d handcuff you to the bed and glue myself on top of you, just to make a statement that you’re mine.” Ben’s mouth quirked up. “You know, that doesn’t sound that bad. Actually, that sounds like fucking heaven.” His hands settled on her soft sides, as they helped her keep a steady rolling rhythm. The fabric that separated the two was beyond offensive in Ben’s opinion, but there was just something about teasing Y/N and in the end himself, that made the climax of everything so much more amazing. “Ben, I need you,” Y/N’s voice was desperate. The man just hummed as his lips lazily moved up and down the column of her throat, and he smiled, feeling her get more and more frustrated. But it was when she pulled his hands away from her waist and pushed them up and over his head, pushing him on his back and grabbing his wrists in a tight grip, an animalistic growl reverberated through the air and his bones. “Now,” her voice was low and dangerous and holy shit did that turn him on. Instantly her nightshirt was off, and her panties followed suit, Ben practically ripping his own boxers away. There was no time for foreplay, as the ache in both of their bodies had become insufferable. As much as Ben wanted to slam up and be hugged by Y/N’s velvety wall, he let her grip his member at the base and slowly ease down. Profanities, that he didn’t even know he knew, passed Ben’s lips and Y/N echoed them by pressing their lips in a tight kiss. It had been so long, too long since they had been together like this, she was almost sure she’d burst just from the feeling of him being sheeted inside. Ben gave Y/N a minute to gather her breath and as she did so, he felt her stretch and adjust, and once again mould to him. Her mouth was by his ear, praising him and whispering confessions of love as her hands moved up and down his biceps. It was in that moment, that Ben wanted to punch the living daylights out of himself for ever doubting Y/N and her feelings, for ever thinking that she was with him simply because it was easy and practical. Because in reality, it was far from it. The distance and work lead to fights and tears, and they had to solve the issues, rather than abandoning them, which is what both had usually done. If they didn’t, the pair knew all of the brilliant moments spent together, the tender lovemaking, and gentle laughs would crumble. And never had Y/N or Ben wished to keep something so much as they did with one another. “Can I move?” Ben’s words were a plea because suddenly not moving was incredibly uncomfortable. The soft moan rippling from Y/N’s throat was all the green light he needed, so clasping both his hands down on the small of her back, he pushed his hips up, until he had bottomed out and then slipped almost all the way out, leaving only the tip in. Her sigh of content was a sound Ben assumed he would only get to hear in heaven. Yet there he was, biting down on the shoulder of the most gorgeous girl he’d ever met as she marked his neck with love bites of her own. “I love you,” he groaned feeling Y/N tighten around him as his shaft finally hit that spot that made her Y/E/C eyes roll to the back of her head. “I love you so fucking much.” “I love you too, Ben,” her reply was breathless, but her gaze was fiery and piercing. “And don’t you ever forget that or doubt it.” Each word was accentuated by a harsher snap of her hips. The sounds of their bodies colliding, and Y/N’s slick having coated both of their thighs, sweat sliding down their frames and onto the sheets was more than obscene. He knew he wouldn’t last long, he could feel the release approaching like a freight train, but at the same time, Ben was not about to cum first. Detaching their lips from the heavy kiss the pair had been engaged in, he licked the pad of his thumb and brought it between them. The second Y/N felt him touch her clit, she saw white. Her vision blurred at the edges and the hold she had had on Ben’s arms became so strong, her nails broke his skin in places. Instantly, she wanted to apologize, guilt settling in her chest, but the movement of his finger became more erratic and without a warning, she was cumming all over him. It was like the orgasm had been pulled from somewhere deep within her soul, for she had never actually felt on the verge of passing out. Y/N screamed Ben’s name into the dark and if he hadn’t had a hold on her body, she would have most likely fallen off the bed, her thighs and stomach spasming so hard. Ben shut his eyes, forehead scrunching up as Y/N squeezed him so painfully hard, she almost pushed his member out of her, but instead, he trust up a few more times and let bliss take over his body. She felt him release, hot thick streams of cum filling her up and painting every inch of her walls. Ben remained like that- still buried to the hilt inside her warm and now leaking center- for what felt like an eternity, but not nearly enough, before Y/N rolled off of him, a whine of discontent making its way into the air that smelled of sex and love. “Do you think anyone heard us?” Y/N asked, already being pulled back to dreamland by Ben’s steadying heartbeat. “Well, if they did, then they will definitely know, who made you feel that good.” And with a snort, Y/N closed her eyes.

*** Lucy’s head was laying on Rami’s sweaty chest, both of their breathing laboured. “Do you think they heard us?” she asked, big eyes drooping closed from the activities they had taken part in. Rami shrugged, pulling Lucy’s body closer and together they fell asleep.

***

Joe’s eyes were wide as he stared at the ceiling. “I hate my life,” he muttered and turned to the side, just in case his neighbours decided to go at it again, placing a pillow over his head. No matter which pair.

Tags (crossed out wouldn't take): @16wiishes @wanderingsami @desir-ae @thiccio-and-thicciet @roseslovedreams @vesoleil @gloomybisexualemo @kostyaownsmyheart @perriwiinkle @screaminggalileochickenwrites @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @sweet-ladyy @magicwithaknife

A/N: I’m so tired and stressed and holy shit does everything feel like it’s happening all at once.

I have two fics of Roger (both set in the 80s Retro and 70s Vintage world) lined up to write. On is in the early days of how they met and then another one is revolving around the Golden Globes.

P.S. what did you think?

P.S.S. my tags are always open.

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alukaforyou · 5 years

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and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

#.txt

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badlydrawndrawnings · 5 years

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A take I been trying to put into words since December

Canonically, Haru says she won’t forgive Goro, but she knows how he feels when it comes to their fathers. So like, in my interpretation of the Engine Room Scene (ERS) and beyond with the idea Goro is dead, to summarize a quote something from my Kamen Rider fandom days (I usually apply this to all the PT honestly), they will never forgive Goro but would willingly put flowers on Goro’s grave...if Goro had one. Imagine a group of teens and a cat placing flowers at the National Diet they’ll get weird looks.

So, when it comes to Goro and being alive post ERS (I hate the whole Schrodinger Goro situation Atlus did just accept the mess you created) I am a bit lenient on fan art and fanfiction that has Haru forgiving Goro, in part because the fan works I seen this happening are usually set several years after Persona 5 (or just a few years). There’s usually a natural off-screen development of Haru’s feeling changing and forgiving Goro (or show it in its glory).

I personally don’t think they can be friends even if/when Haru forgives Goro but I do think that eventually, they can hold a normal conversation with one another without too many hard feelings. But my hot take isn’t about this route. My hot take is that I don’t like fanart and fanfiction of Haru being over the top violent to Goro that borderlines has her murdering him. Look, I can see a punch or a slap, but I legitimately can’t see Haru randomly decides to pull out a weapon and pretty much leaving him for almost dead or actually dead.

Yes, Haru as a sadistic side, but remember that Haru tried talking to Goro during the ERS in hopes he can make a second to last life changing moment when Cognitive!Goro showed up. And in Royal, Haru is glad that Goro (Real or Not it’s a Goro) took responsibility for his actions and seems to be at peace with it. This peace allowed her to perfectly willing to work with him again like she would have done if Cognitive!Goro haven’t shown up. A Haru who made peace certainly won’t do anything violent on a person who admits responsibility for his actions.

And it makes sense. Haru never wanted her dad dead, and doesn’t want to kill anymore for that ‘justice’. Haru knows her dad is honestly really shitty or most of her teenage life (maybe pre-teen too my timeline is jumble up at the moment). Not only that, Haru knows her dad used his future killer to order breakdowns and/or shutdowns to fuel his goals of reaching the top (and that engagement to Sugimura was made for a reason).

So it bothers me to hell and back to see people basically turning Haru into a murderer who is killing Goro for ‘justice’. I do enjoy the idea that Haru can hurt Goro, but for me it can’t include violence at all.

This is part two to this post here, but you don’t actually need to read it for this.

This really makes sense if Goro decides to show up alive and working the Shadow Ops in another spinoff. Goro can’t go to regular jail for his mostly supernatural crimes I figure after getting revealing to be alive and getting busted on a non-supernatural crime the Shadow Ops did their research and pull strings to get Goro serve time under their heavy watch look it’s the best option I can think of okay.

Haru may have peace with everything that Goro done but it’s freaking hard to keep it up like he was dead and now he’s not. She slap him and that didn’t really a reaction from Goro (not help it’s totally random) and Haru has some standards she doesn’t want to beat up Goro she’s scare she may kill him and Haru doesn’t want to have blood on her hand.

Words can be sharper than the sword (or ax blade) and Haru decides to guilt trip Goro about her father’s death. She sometimes ‘mock’ Goro and Shido’s own father-son relationship at times and brings up Shido a lot and compare her to her good memories of Okumura Sr, but it slowly starts to work less and less to where Goro doesn’t reaction (his reactions are of annoyance and anger and that’s good enough for Haru). And it turns out Goro made peace with what Cognitive!Goro said in the ERS about himself, with him accepting he just wanted to ruin Shido’s career and life at the end of the dad there’s not a real personal emotional stake there anymore.

Haru is now like, super annoyed with this development and keeps it to herself until it builds up over time. She ends up deciding to take jab at Goro’s dead mother about her life choice or career when Goro got visitation rights to visit Joker (the others are curious to see how Goro is under this heavy watch so they always tag along). it’s something so harsh and nasty that basically it’s something a real rich bitch who thinks poorly of sex workers would say. So obviously, this hidden rich bitch inside Haru that she didn't even know exist says it out of annoyance/anger, and Haru is at first happy. She got through his armor at last.

And it’s going terribly wrong. Goro and Joker (this only works with Joker and Royal Knowledge of Goro’s past) are fighting and Goro is cursing at him Goro said that they cross a line he thought they would never do given some of the PT member’s own past with their mothers. Goro is all pissed at Joker for allowing this to happen ‘it was personal and sensitive and you made it out to be a sick joke like almost everyone else’ and Goro storms out of whatever they out and Joker goes after him and everyone is just ‘WTF JUST HAPPEN’. They’re thinking about what Goro said about his mother in the ERS and they’re come to the conclusion Goro told Joker something important that they don’t even know.

Joker and Goro are soon back but Goro isn’t willing to be in the same room at the moment until it gets clear up. Joker tells them all that Goro told Joker personal and sensitive information and Goro thought Joker told them all and was under the conclusion they possibly hypocrites and had some double standard when it came to mothers who don’t fit society standards and careers.

The PT is freaking out now, and Joker tells them Goro’s mom was a prostitute. Shido was a client, and the two decided to have something more, leading to Goro’s birth, and Joker explains how she tried to basically work part time for Goro’s sake. Everyone is taking it in slowly because ‘this is heavy’. Haru is freaking the f*ck out and tells Joker that she didn’t know she swears on her life. Everyone is trying to calm down Haru because they believe her but they realize it’s just a matter of the PT trying to convince Goro they don’t know and aren’t judgmental of Goro’s mother choice of career. And like, Goro decides to tell them that he knows now and they decide to not bring up the subject again out of respect for his mother (it helps Goro tells them that he never blamed his mother and her career for his situation it was just Shido only and Goro overreacted).

This is now awkward as hell territory because we have the supernatural hitman that is Goro who killed two of the PT’s parents and unintentionally cruel shaming of a prostitute from Haru and everyone can see they don’t want to even be in the same room anymore. Goro and Haru don’t talk or interact with each other than a few ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’. It gets real bad where Goro bails out more than Haru. And Ryuji -who from the link above would be the one who makes the first move on forgiving Goro sans Joker- tells Haru that Goro still thinks at times they’re talking shit about his mother behind his back and Ryuji is trying get Goro to understand they aren’t they all mutually agree they’ll just roast Goro and Shido.

The message eventually gets across because Haru apologizes about disrespecting Goro’s mother (she explains she’s not apologizing to Goro per say just his mother) and Goro accepts it. Haru and Goro go back on their usual terms: awkward conversations that aren’t longer than five sentences that are safe and boring topics like weather, food (which Haru realize food is Goro’s go to topic it’s a real safety net), and coffee. On one topic about food Goro slips up and mentions his mother and her ‘cooking’ (which is just her microwaving food yes it’s an anime detail but it works with Royal info of her). Haru ends up telling Goro -and I say this because there is little information of Mrs. Okumura- that she has no idea if her mom is dead or alive (Haru tells him she thinks her mom is dead), which is why she is -was- close to her father. It another level of awkward and they carry on the topic as if it never happen.

So eventually Haru decides that enough is enough and she needs to get a better picture of her dad’s action with the conspiracy. Haru tears off the bandage and asks Goro to talk about her father when he was working with Shido’s conspiracy, and everyone starts to freak out. Goro even wars her that what her dad did could really change her perspective. Haru doesn’t care and just wants to know all the dirt her father had and the group itself if Goro has to tell.

It takes several weeks/months because they’re not in each other presence 24/7 anymore, but Goro eventually keeps his end of the bargain. He tells every dirty secret the conspiracy had and what they order for Goro to do, and her dad has a something of a list (and the nude Wild Duck Burger Worker makes sense now Haru actually asks Goro if she can reveal this to the others it’s just...wild and Goro agrees to it). At the end of airing the laundry Haru thanks Goro and tells him she needs to think it all over.

When they meet up again -could be a year or two or more; Goro’s ‘time’ prevents from being free to do whatever 24/7- Haru and Goro have a real solo talk with one another without the other PT members interfering and being nosy. And it turns out that Goro did his own thinking as well.

So Goro reaffirms Haru’s thoughts that he will never apologized for Okumura Sr’s death (Haru suspects this will never actually change). Haru is shock to learn that Goro will however, apologized for taking Haru’s chance to properly make sense of her feelings of her dad post-change of heart and whether or not she wanted to truly forgive him post-change of heart. Goro even says this was partly inspired by Haru’s own apology about his mother’s career and Haru owning up to her actions because Haru could have kept it under the bridge but didn’t, and Goro realize he can do it too.

On Haru’s side of the conversation, she admits that with this much time to think things over and what she learn of her father, what she hates the most of her father’s death (other than a possible second chance with the idealize father Haru remembers from her childhood) is that she can never properly get to tell him her feelings and his wrongdoings towards her. Sure Haru can say it to a photo of him or his grave/urn, but it’s not the same as saying it to his face. Haru had that much anger (and hate) towards her had for a long time and felt rob, and she is glad that Goro recognizes his actions at last and is apologizing for that at least.

In a way, that helps Haru realize she can slowly forgive Goro, and says it as much. But she makes it clear they are never going to be friends, and Goro is fine with that; he just wants their situation to be more civil than before. And then they go on the topic of food like always and Haru makes plans for everyone to eat at a Big Bang Burger restaurant because Goro let it slip that he never ate there and Haru is almost insulted that Goro ‘worked’ for Okumura Foods (it’s a stretch and they both know it) and never tried a product before.

Honestly this is just my interpretation of how Haru and Goro evolution of their no-way-they’ll-become-friends-but-will-be-okay-in-each-other-presence-relationship would be without the violent takes but the harshness of the violent takes like we need some drama but not a murder drama.

#goro akechi #haru okumura #p5r spoilers #persona 5 royal spoilers #persona 5 the royal spoilers #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #persona 5 the royal #this is a text post

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umbillicalnoose · 5 years

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i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.

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