#For the last one - in my headcanon - I imagined that it has small crashes (which don't last long and happen quite rarely)

[thelyingjoke]

hi bow i know we haven't talked in a while but i have been thinking So Fucking Much about DICE lately so i had to ask. u got any DICE hcs?

heyyyyy first off i am SO so sorry it’s taken me so long to get to this. i’ve been going through a lot of complicated personal stuff the past several months and it’s kept me off of social media…but i am back now! hopefully. i may not be the most active but i will try my best!!

NOW FOR THE QUESTION !!! DICE is a little funny for me…i love them so much and yet my mind’s perception of them constantly shifts…i can never seem to think of anything concrete for them. i love most theories about them to where i can’t decide which ones to believe in myself. like the 11th member…i really like all of the explanations people make for them. from cameraperson to pet to kokichi’s twin. I can’t decide which i like best so they’re all true at the same time for me.

for things that i CAN decide on…hm. Well they are Definitely orphans to me. and i think that like…that horse head in kokichi’s room? they all have one of those. they like to wear them regularly i think. it’s an extra mask. it gets pulled off their faces scooby-doo style to reveal the clown mask underneath.

and i Really like the card nicknames headcanon. but i think they have more than just standard deck names. like there’s Heart, Spade, Club, Clover, Ace, Joker. then you’ve got shit like Wild +4. Basic Darkness Energy. A Deal With Dark Ruler. Sour Cream From Steven Universe. they’re an unpredictable bunch…you can never guess what nickname they’re gonna use next.

the last one actually has an explanation. in an rp from like. jan 2019 i think? it was with DICE members and one of them pointed out how this guy’s hair looks like sour cream from steven universe

and in hindsight their hair is actually not that similar at all they are both just pointy. but that has stuck with me. and it’s funny. so i’ve been calling that member Sour Cream ever since

and speaking of comparing media…i imagine the group to have a dynamic similar to Giovanni’s Boys (gender neutral) from one of my favorite shows, the hit webseries epithet erased. they’re a gang of teenage petty criminals who are initially low-ranking members of an Actual criminal organization pyramid scheme but they eventually leave after giovanni proposes making their own evil organization. they’ve got goofy nicknames like Dark Star and Crusher and Flamethrower and Car Crash (but you can only get one if you earn it). giovanni wants to be a supervillain so bad and he is the sweetest guy ever who loves his minions so very much. these snippets from the book really fit DICE i think!

i look at them replacing hot dogs with cattails, and i nod and think…yes…DICE would do that…stupid but fun…that’s all they want…

they have their differences. giovanni and his boys (gender neutral) are very stupid. but i think the fundamentals of them both being groups of teens who just want to have fun and commit harmless petty crimes and who care so much for each other is Wonderful. i often think of this song to be DICE’s theme song even if i don’t think they are actually like how the banzai blasters are in the song. they’re smarter. But it’s a banger. i find them both very very fun (i think about kokichi saying lines from ee often…i have a list)

And this is not really a headcanon but i like how in the group photo everyone else has pants that at least Reach their ankles but kokichi is a rebel and wears pants that are just slightly too small for him. why does he do that. Weirdo (affectionate)

[xerith-42]

My Street Ramblings

Ok ok ok so @gonedreaminggg put it into words very well when they described My Street characters as more of characters than people. Which is so true!! Like I can list off some personality traits of some characters, but can you honestly tell me what Katelyn really thinks about Zane? Even though they're both main characters?

(Editors note, this post ran the fuck away from me so it's long as fuck sjdfjsdhg)

The problem MS has is that a lot of these characters get boiled down to the silliest, memeist versions of themselves, until Jess did a spin maneuver and made the series a story driven show with a darker tone and promptly crashed her faster car into a brick wall. But even before that happened, a lot of MS characters were lacking because of the forced perspective.

Until the plot shows up in season 4 and mandates characters splitting up constantly, a lot of the series is (sometimes literally) only seen from Aphmau's perspective. If interesting character drama is happening and she isn't around for it, it won't be seen. This was somewhat rectified in Season 5, but it was really too little too late. Because Aphmau has to be around for important stuff to happen, we don't really know the characters on a smaller scale, because the series is allergic to taking things slow.

Imagine an episode that's just watching Nana go through her day. She wakes up, starts making coffee, pulls a blanket over Katelyn who fell asleep on the couch watching K-drama's last night, and then goes outside with her morning coffee, a small breakfast, and sits on her porch and scrolls through Tumblr while people watching.

We follow her taking the bus to get to her barista job, and watch as she goes through an opening shift. Scenes fade showing the different parts of her job, maybe she has to deal with an angry customer and we see how she responds. Maybe while she's working one of her other friends from My Street shows up and gets an order and they have a chat as she's working. We watch the care she puts into it, and how she leaves little positive notes with drawings of cats, hearts, and flowers next to their name on their order.

My Street characters suffer from feeling like they aren't doing anything if the Main Character isn't around. How does Travis like to spend his weekends? We can make headcanons about it, but the show, the actual text, can't answer such a simple question about one of it's main characters.

My Street also suffers from having too many characters, but if the series was willing to slow down, all of them could be given proper time, especially because a lot of characters probably spend time together when Aphmau and Aaron aren't around.

I'm talking about an episode where it opens on Garroth honking his horn, and then Zane comes trudging out of his house, gets in the passenger seat, and lets out a huff. Garroth just gives him the aux cord, and Zane puts on his high school emo playlist he unironically enjoys. Garroth nods along to or even lip-sings some of the song (probably Welcome To The Black parade by MCR, I just know all the Ro'maeve brothers love that song.)

Speaking of which, they then pick up Vylad, and all three of them just go for a drive. Eventually they drive into the country side, pull off, and then turn the car off. Garroth pops open the trunk and the three of them all just chill out on a pile of blankets and pillows that were already there. They sit in silence for a while. Vylad and Zane pass a vape pen around, and every now and then Garroth takes a hit off of it.

Finally they all just talk. About life, about their feelings, about their parents, whatever they can think to talk about. Maybe Garroth brings up some of his gripes about his roommate, or Vylad confesses that they're struggling to figure out how to come out to their parents. This is clearly a routine these three established, and something all three of them greatly appreciate. Garroth and Zane never quite felt like brothers to me, but this? I could see myself doing this with my brother.

And for my final random idea I had while in the shower, I want to talk about Melissa my beloved. A character who only exists to help prop up an already existing character. Melissa has almost no identity outside of being Aaron's Sister. Let me ask you this, what's her job? Without checking the wiki?

My idea is that she works for her parents company, a boring, dreadful, and soul draining office job. It's the same routine day in, day out, nothing changes. Wake up, drive to work, sit at her office for 8 hours, go home, sleep, repeat. Until on Friday, when she's truly had enough, when she's just so tired as she slams the car door as she's getting in her car to leave and hangs her head. She's so exhausted, so drained, so miserable. Her moment of anguish is interrupted by her phone playing a stupid love song, and you can just see her face relax the minute she hears it.

She answers the phone, puts it on speaker, and sets it up on a stand in her car. Her relaxed expression turns into a love struck grin, her ears relax, and her tail starts wagging the minute she hears her girlfriend Lucinda's voice. After the drudgery of every single day being the same, just hearing her voice is like medicine to Melissa.

And then the two talk the entire time Melissa is driving to Lucinda's, and they're so so so gay when they see each other in person. They both get dolled up and flirt like dorks the entire time, and then we get a montage of them going out clubbing, singing karaoke, and getting white girl wasted despite neither of them being white.

My Street characters don't feel like people because they're not. They're mostly one dimensional characters who exist to fill out a roster or scene, and we get depressingly little insight into who they are as people.

I hope this post gave them and the MS fandom something to chew on.

[dememetor]

hiiii, hope ur having a great day!

i loved the kissing hc, could u do a part 2 with hirugami and oikawa?

of course feel free to ignore this if u dont want to do it, thank uuuuu

hi! thank you so much for the request, hope you're having a wonderful day too anon! (also i hope i did hirugami okay and not ooc since i haven't finished the manga yet and he only has like 2 minutes of screentime shsj)

Kissing headcanons pt 2

kissing headcanons part 1

characters hirugami sachirou, oikawa tooru, kenma kozume, bokuto koutarou

warnings kiSsiNg but you knew that already also mentions of choking? and i swear a little

Hirugami Sachiro

is a really good kisser

his kisses are always smooth, pouring into each other; he sets a nice steady rhythm and lets your lips go with the slightest pop, like we get it you can kiss

tries to seem chill, but is really anxious the first time

obviously wants you to have a good time and wants to impress you which leads to him being a little tense in the beginning - is always hyper-aware of your every movement, trying to reciprocate and figure out what you want him to do

but once he relaxes and realises you just want him to be himself and he gives in,, hnngh

gentle but firm, tangles his fingers into your hair and leads the kiss that way

other hand is resting on your waist (usually) under your shirt

(also he can 100% unhook a bra with only one hand and from behind your back, it is actually fascinating)

(suspicious, but fascinating)

doesn’t really like tongue

but loves nose kisses

also for some reason likes tugging at your lower lip, like gently biting down

usually when you’re done making out he pulls you close and peppers your whole face with light kisses

he is just,, the absolute best best boy

i’m sorry you’ll have to top him

Oikawa Tooru

don’t get me wrong he’s all for switching and teasing and he loves seeing you all flustered and with swollen lips after a makeout session

but you can’t look me in the eye and tell me he doesn't like being topped

i mean he has to be in charge of everything when he's on the court so being able to come home, relax and let you take care of him is a nice change

ok ok i'm getting kind of distracted with this one, these are just kissing headcanons

like hirugami, is an absolutely amazing kisser, like this man knows what he's doing

you could kiss him for an hour straight and you wouldn’t be bored

loves it when you take him by the collar of his shirt and pull him in, that shit gets him SO flustered

like push him onto the bed, pinning one of his arms down, your other hand finding its way from his brown locks to his neck and squeezing gently, making him just enough dizzy, like please he loves it so much

i feel like he’s always horny so a makeout session could happen literally anywhere

no but seriously, you haven’t watched ONE movie together without ending up on top of each other

Kenma Kozume

soft, soft, soft, soft

doesn’t make a big deal out of kissing, but when you kiss him you always feel loved

was never type for longer kisses, i feel like he gets bored pretty easily

kisses! on the! gaming chair!

kisses on the forehead

kisses while he’s gaming - ok but not for long because “babe, not now”, like bAbE nOt nOw stfu and kiss me

but cuddling while he’s gaming? oh yes

lazy making out on his bed, with dim neon lights from his setup illuminating the room, him murmuring something against your lips, not wanting to pull away first

something about him makes you feel safe, you’re never uncomfortable around him, you can be yourself without worrying about doing something embarrassing

missing his lips when you lean in? accidentally crashing your teeth? he simply doesn’t care

the sight of him with red cheeks, half-lidded eyes and lips slightly parted, still tasting your kiss?

beautiful

Bokuto Koutarou

kisses you as if every kiss were your last

does the thing where he lifts you up and spins you around, meeting your lips halfway through

be prepared for him to just grab you under your thighs and lift you up

he likes to wrap his arms around your waist and pull you closer to him, holding you tight against his chest

and by tight, i mean his kisses are bone-crushing

so, so, so excited to kiss you

when he gets ahold of you, he won't let go that easily, like honestly good luck getting out of his embrace

he just wants to show you how much he loves you?? he's doing his best, if you don't marry this man i will

warning: don't try to tease him by pulling away, he will get the biggest pout

you can literally see the light leave his eyes as the betrayed expression forms on his face in slow motion and he realises he's not gonna get the kiss he wants

pretends he's hurt but only lasts 5 minutes (record time 7 minutes 36 seconds) before he's begging you to take him back again

god he's just so,, proud to have you by his side like he just loves showing you off to his friends like see that's MY partner!!

not even a kissing headcanon but I could talk about this man for days like just imagine waking up to him and the first thing you see in the morning is his smile ahsjsiw9cn

ALSO, it's the cutest thing when you can feel his lips curl into a small smile when you lean in for a kiss or like a proud grin when he manages to make you laugh

I love him

[lovee-infected]

Hello! ♥ Can I request headcanons or oneshot (whichever is easier) about how the twst boys react when they discover that MC is a girl, because they thought MC was a pretty boy, someone like Epel, when an unexpected rain happens during flying class and they can see the silhouette of the breasts or the vibrantly colored bra under the wet T-shirt 👀

At some point they all go : “My expectations for you were low , but holy f ”

Riddle Rosehearts

Class 2 E had to take Riddle who crashed the ground from the 20 meter height to the nurse office afterwards

His pe grades were already horrifying and with those two tips of something he saw under your wet clothes , it isn't really strange to end up in bed

Thankfully he doesn't end up with a broken leg , but that seemed way better than having this broken sanity now : (y/n) is a girl...?

He gets red but not of any anger , instead embarrassment . He has been treating you too casually good lord , he is never the same with girls

Riddle doesn't talk to you for a few days because he now realizes how lame your relationship may seem ; many things he should have done , many things he shouldn't have done

Would things still be the same ? Well it has to be he , thought . After all you didn't ever hide anything or lie about your gender , it was his misunderstanding

Well now , maybe he wants to treat you a bit... softer ?

Trey Clover

He isn't terrified by the gender , he is terrified by the way he saw it : Wet clothes , squishy big things under your shirt with a visible color...

He sweats at even saying it by word he wasn't ; he wasn't expecting that at all

He tries to hide his blush but that doesn't really work ; everyone knows that Trey isn't one to blush easily

He decides that it's better to skip the class now ( His eyes need some fresh air) . Just a few hours away , and he seems to be already used to it

He has to admit that it's somehow creepy to see the guy who you always liked having around is actually a girl , but he decides to pretend that he already knew it

Male or female , you're the same to him . The lovely and adorable (y/n) you always were

But still , this got him thinking...does he need to treat you like a girl sometimes ? Stuff that just girls do , say or like ?

Cater Diamond

He... notices the big deal when he's taking a rainy day selfie with you . He is making sure that you both look good but suddenly his eyes lay at the sight of your chest through his phone...

His eyes grow wider and he doesn't notice when he presses the button : The sound of his phone's flash almost made him drop it

You ask if he's alright but Cater just gives you a nervous laugh and say that the phone just slipped for a second . He neither shows you the pic you just took nor agrees on taking a second one when you ask him to

He leaves in pretext of picking his umbrella up but instead , runs to a corner where you couldn't see him : He brings that selfie from his gallery and zooms on your chest . He wants to make sure of what he just saw

Which one's worse ? The neon pink bra under your T-shirt or the... clearly visible tip of your nipple under it ? Damn you are laying your breasts on his hand in the pic...

He quickly saves it though his private albums . On the second thought , he sends all pictures he had from you to that folder as well

Well , he'll get used to it right? Perhaps he can now flirt more comfortably with you knowing that you're actually a girl . The only important thing for him is too make sure that no one ever finds out about photos he has on that private folder ; the one he keeps specifically for you

Deuce Spade

"E-eh??" Remember what happened with Eliza ? This is the second version of it . Even during his rage days ( Wild yellow hair and random fights with others) he lacked the ability to even say hi to a girl . And here he is now spending all those days together without knowing that you were a girl !??

His whole personality almost cracks for a second . All those dirty stuff other first years had shared about girls flashes before his eyes . He wasn't damn prepared -

He couldn't be any more thankful that you couldn't see the horrifying scenes and sounds through his mind at the moment- He just leaves before you could even see him blush

Ace doesn't stop teasing him though , late at the night inside Heartslabyul's , Ace is walking on his nerves asking him to tell what's wrong . Ace isn't the only curious one ; soon all his classmates too keep asking Deuce to say what is bothering him

Deuce has decided to keep his mouth shut until he comes over this fact on his own , and he's strong on it . There's no way that he'd let anyone recognize his anxiety with women

He knows his friends better than this and doesn't want to be dared to steal your underwear or poke your breasts in another round of truth or dare

Let's just...hope that things will soon get better for him or , perhaps you can be his chance to overcome his lack of skills with women ?

Ace Trappola

"Holy sh-" He then gets fired from the pe class for his impolite usage of words- ( School rules , right ?) Not that he cares though

Comparing to Deuce , he's a lot better and more experienced especially because he has been in a relationship before... which is both good and bad

The last time he got this close to any girls before you was with his ex-girlfriend ; and to be honest even that relationship didn't brought them as close as you two are now . The thought of going through similar things with a new one even though he no longer thinks about his ex ... that kinda hurts

Maybe he would've died to tell Deuce what he found out if old memories didn't haunt him . He isn't an awkward realizing your gender like Deuce is , but he can tell that it's kinda hard for him to deal with it . Mostly because of how close and dear you are to him now...

He finally realizes that he doesn't deserve carrying the shame and anxiety on his own and tells Deuce ; well at least calming Deuce down will make him pay least attention to his own problems

Leona Kingscholar

He almost chokes- He was standing in the corner without a single drop of water on his hair while you got too wet as if you took a shower with your clothes on

He is teasing you likr always again until he realizes a second color under your white clothes ... no . please don't be

He prefers to imagine that you're a guy having the kink of wearing feminine underwear . He isn't ready to accept that you're a girl and he still denies it after seeing the vibrantly visible bra with his own two eyes

God...he teased you , kicked you , laughted you off and literally stepped on you ; that's what he usually likes to treat others so..? But not a lady , never . He is raised better this to end up neglecting a lady's great level and worth

Now considering how he's been teasing you so far , what did you think of him..? Do you consider him an asshole who has no respect for women due to how he treated you ??

He is really stressed out and doesn't know what to do , he just takes off his own jacket and quickly comes to you , wrapping it around your wet body and hair and taking you to a warmer place . He keeps asking if you're alright ? Didn't you catch a cold ? Do you need a doctor ?

Leona doesn't know if your fascinated gaze means a yes or no , and it isn't going to help

He isn't going to explain himself right now , maybe give it some time ?

The only reason he treated you this casually was because he was comfortable with you and it was all...a way of showing admiration ?

Maybe it gets better when he explains himself

Ruggie Bucchi

His mouth drops open when he realizes the bra as you two were drying yourselves after the rain . (y/n) is a she...!?

He doubts , he would doubt it again if he even takes a closer look . Suddenly his body feels warmer and his cheeks get red . No way...

Ruggie barely talked to any girls other than his own family and even skipped conversations when girls were brought up , he isn't mentally prepared for it !

But now he is changing with you at the same room ?? Wait wait wait- He might act like a brat but he isn't a jerk

He leaves because he's sure that you need some privacy ; all though he still refuses to believe that you're a girl...

You never ever mentioned your gender in front of him and he never asked , but did anyone else know it except him ? He just wouldn't dare to ask

Well girl or not , he doesn't stop teasing you in general ; but also learns not to go too far since it's still hard for you to be wrapped in an all boy school...you need more support

Jack Howl

He doesn't mind going blind after seeing those nipples under your wet T-shirt . He first thought that they were a bit too big for a boy but...he soon realized that they weren't even for a boy-

He had to take a small look between your legs because he couldn't resist- he had to make sure . And NO ! He didn't see what he wished to see there

He still can't make sure ?? Those things usually proved someone being a girl but still , there is no way to make sure unless he asks you ; but how can he ? No way , he'll just melt down

He doesn't mention anything in front of you but tries indirectly bringing the issue of your gender up with Ace and Deuce : Didn't (y/n) tell you two about her schedule today?

" Her...?"

Well great , now Ace and Deuce have joined him on the ‘terrified of your gender’ army . The only way to make sure is either asking you or... stealing something that could prove it . Someone has to get inside your room but which one of them now...?

Azul Ashengrotto

He is vibing with the pleasant rain as it made today's pe sessions a bit better for him . He asks you to join him

He just takes his glasses off for a second to dry them and- BANG

The color of your bra was too visible that he could even see it without his glasses on

He immediately puts them on and takes a better look , well great now he can clearly see your breasts closely . How bad he wished that he went blind for a second...

You don't get why Azul seems to be studying your chest so you ask if something's wrong?

Azul is pulled out of his thoughts and embarrassment takes him over because you realized what he was staring at : Pathetic

Azul excuses himself telling you that he has to take his pills before he returns to his Octopus form and disappears

How dumb he could be not to realize it till now... Beside that - Why the hell didn't those two tall sticks ( a.k.a Floyd and Jade) realize it either !?

God God God...he keeps swallowing his eyes at the thought...

How can he get over the fact that he was being with a girl all this time...?

Floyd Leech

Well of course he is shocked , Shrimpy was supposed to be a guy but he actually is a little girl ? Meh , what a disappointment

Well , body is body to him so he isn't really shocked or freaked out to see , well , those things under your shirt

He might not be that fascinated , but still has doubts . While you two are taking a walk back to Ramshackle dorm , he just doesn't stop staring at your chest and doesn't mind you noticing him either

To be honest , he now seems to be liking it . You were just a kiddo he always enjoyed teasing but now that you're a girl...? How different would things be ? And would the way he treated you make you possibly... have those girlish feelings for him ? Sounds fun

While saying goodbye at your door he stops for a second to say something . You don't quite get what he asked but he knows better himself : " Random question but- are those seriously soft to squeeze ?"

Jade Leech

Just as Floyd , he doesn't mind you being a girl . He actually appreciates you even more now. Night Raven College isn't a place for weak people and still , to think that a small human girl like you could last this long here... Farewell , human beings can be really interesting he can tell

He gently offers you his coat and escorts you to a warmer place , telling you to change into something dry before you catch a cold

Well the first day is nothing different or weird , but the upcoming days prove how creepy he can be...

He doesn't mind popping up out of nowhere to tell you to choose underwears with a less noticable color at school and it just makes you melt ; not just because it's embarrassing to be told so but also because it proved that Jade is watching you

He does do some research on surface females to get to know the differences between what he expected you to be and what you really are better ; not that he has a complaint though

Jamil Viper

He exactly knows what he just saw there and - He can't help but to feel ashamed . For once he leaves without taking Kalim with him , he just forgot him a the moment

He now feels... angry . You never ever shared your gender but it's not like he ever expected you to be a girl . He feels lied to ; you didn't ever tell the truth but didn't lie either ; that bugs him even more because he doesn't know if he's mad at you or not

Well he now knows when someone you thought you know ends up being something totally different ; like the way Kalim saw who he really is...well that's really annoying to think of

Jamil ignores you for a few days until you come to ask why he's avoiding you . He insists that it's nothing all though it's obvious that it is-

Alright , a few days until he cools down . He wants to keep the distance till then

Knowing your gender often makes him feel ashamed of how casually he's been treating you . Well a lot of things are different when it's an all boy school , right ?

He doesn't know if he should act cooler with you from now or pretend that he never saw anything , he needs time to make up his mind

Kalim al Asim

He was giving you a towel to dry yourself when he recognized your clothes . He was actually thinking of bringing you some dry ones when he saw what he wished he didn't saw- Aaah why would you wear such a recognizable bra : " (y/n)..??"

He quickly pulls back and apologizes ; not that you know what he is apologizing for

He returns to Jamil and tells him to leave , he just can't face you right now

There at Scarabia , Kalim tells Jamil everything since he really needs to share some feelings . He asks Jamil if he knew about this and he certainly didn't

Kalim now keeps wondering... how hard might it be for you ? A girl sorrounded by all guys out there , do you feel safe ?

He now has decided to look after you more than he already did , he just doesn't want you feeling any sad or lonely because of your current situation

He always hated loneliness and that's why he needed Jamil around , now it's your turn to have Kalim around so you'll never be alone

Vil Schoenheit

Vil is well familiar with all beauty materials - including feminine underwear - so he quickly realizes both the unusual size of your chest and the vibrantly colored bra under your clothes . He wishes he hadn't

Bearing the fact that he was having a girl beside him all this time is already hard enough , but what makes it worse is what a terrible female he thinks you are now

You seriously do need a start over ! You are no girl if you're this ignorant toward your appearance even as it makes you look like a guy

He spends all night thinking of what he now should do with you . He does know how to manage guys but girls ? That won't be called something he had much experience on

He isn't feeling as comfortable as before with you yet , he decides to give you some lessons to at least pull you out of your non feminine self

He doesn't mind telling you that you have to do a lot more for yourself as you are a girl ; and he says it as if he knew it all this time

He isn't going to turn you into a princess , it's safer for you to remain something between male and female as you are stuck between all these untrustworthy guys , but it doesn't hold him back from giving you some chance to see your female self. He brings you wigs and puts on your makeup , telling you that you sometimes need to show up like this

He still needs some time to feel as comfortable as he used to with you , but spending time with you trying to have a start over is actually helping him to like you even more than he used to

Rook Hunt

Well congrats , for so long no one had ever succeeded to shock Rook like you did ! That's an improvement . He always makes sure not miss a single detail about those he has his eyes on ; yet he failed to even recognize your gender correctly until now

A bit of fascination won't hurt , right ? After all having a boy like Epel beside him makes it really confusing to specify male and female sometimes

To be honest , he now finds you pretty fragile and helpless : Bunny between the beasts

If a hunter like him didn't know it so far , then probably no one else knew it either . So that's his little secret now

This place's a considerably dangerous zone for a lady to step on , and Rook isn't planning on exposing you like this . He isn't a monster after all...

But having Rook of all people knowing your secret is already enough of torture , isn't it ?

Epel Felmier

I-I thought we were the same...???

This can't be true , this shouldn't be ! Please don't be , please , please , please

Epel looked up to you bot only as a reliable and strong friend but also as someone who goes through similar appearance problems as Epel himself did

You made him feel better that he wasn't the only one having problems with looking too similar to girls ; seems like he was wrong

Epel wasn't ever comfortable with getting close to girls , along becoming a friend of them . He even kept you closer than his other friends since the too of you could relate a lot he thought ; now what should he do ?

He is too embarrassed to even look into your eyes now , he even skips classes you two share and in summary , does anything to avoid you for a while

That is said that girls and boys can never be just friends and... that's frustrating

Now , could the two of you ever be as close as you used to be again?

Idia Shroud

Which is worse , realizing that he's been spending all his time with a girl over the past few months or seeing her wet breasts during the class ?Man , that looked just like those anime hentais one would find online...

Beside that , having your gender exposed makes him feel a bit unsafe about his relationship with you ; if even a simple thing such as gender could be different from what he was expecting you , then what greater differences would your reality have from the (y/n) you were into his eyes ?

Idia hardly ever gets to fully trust anyone and now he isn't sure if he could trust you anymore . Well yes gender might be no big deal compared to the fearful thoughts he is having at mind ; but it's enough to send him into his safe zone and stay away from you

His face turns red and hot whenever he thinks of that scene even when he's all alone in his bedroom , God he wasn't prepared-

Ortho finally forces him to tell what's bothering him and when he confesses , Ortho gets really excited . He keeps telling Idia that as a friend , he has to stay by your side specially because you may feel lonely being a girl all on your own . He reminds Idia of the fact that this is what friends do

He now feels sorry for abandoning you like a coward , but he has to admit that it's a bit hard for him to return the old friendship you two had . Well maybe just texting you instead of face to face interaction would be better ?

Malleus Draconia

uh..? A girl...? Child of man caught in an unknown world and... That's a female . You keep fascinating him over and over ever since he met you , it's just another surprise he can tell

He kinda loses all his focus during the pe class after he accidentally notices the unusual knobs popping under your T-shirt ; are you wearing something wrapped around your...chest ?

He first thinks that it may just be somewhat of a brand new clothing trend to wear feminine-like stuff ; but remembering how you never clearly stated your gender , he now understands how wrong he was

He thought that he had you under his watch pretty well , but he even failed to realize your gender correctly ; perhaps he should learn to do it better

Malleus isn't about to treat you any differently just because you ended up being a girl , all though he has to agree that it was a bit shocking . But in general , nothing about your relationship really seems to be gender related

You don't know his name and he didn't know your gender until now ; is this how karma works ? Well that'd be a bit unfair , gender was rather worthless compared to the fear his real identity might bring you

The only thing that may change now is him being more protective over you ; not that he underestimates you but rather because there's no way for you to be totally comfortable in a school filled with rebellious guys . He wants to make sure that his currently favorite human being won't get in much trouble because of that...

Lilia Vanrouge

Eh ? Through out his hundred-year life this would be the most shameful thing he got to face . You might think that he found it to be a disgrace to his long lasting life which is filled with honor and pride ; but in that case you may like to get to know the old man better

He doesn't like being thought of as a pervert ; but it doesn't mean that he didn't enjoy himself either. Naked figures or seductive girls aren't something he gets overly excited about , same goes for you . Well accidents like this can happen everyday , right ? But this one had something rather fun along with it :

From the direct yet neutral gaze he gave your chest , you immediately realized what he was looking at and you pulled back . Lilia didn't expect you to notice it so quickly , but the embarrassed face you gave him afterwards , that was priceless

He giggles softly at the thought , a shy and cute little girl . He isn't really a fan of boys that are overly cute or childish , but when it comes to little girls , that's another story

You had already caught his eyes by being the only human being caught in this school on your own . Well , to see how feeble and shy you sometimes could be , that reminded him of Silver

Now now , what should he do ? Playing the role of a small girl's parents or something ? Doesn't sound that bad

Sebek Zigvolt

Gasp

He's about to lose his mind - he feels like he has saw you totally naked or lurked into your privacy , he feels awful

He runs to another corner to cool down from what he saw - Damn- That scene doesn't get away from his eyes for a second

Well then , take deep breathes , it's cool , it's fine - it's gonna be fine

Sebek wouldn't dare talking to you for sometime after that . His cheeks get warmer whenever he sees you around , making him change his direction to avoid you

When you finally get him to talk to you , he breaks off- He starts apologizing . He swears not to ever peek on your body again and that he won't say a word from what he saw

You probably don't know what he is talking about , but you say okay to calm him down

Sebek isn't used to having girls around but now that he does , he should be really careful . He doesn't want you to think of him as a antisocial chick when it comes to women and he tries his best to be a gentleman in front of you . Man...he really does take it seriously

Silver

A... girl?... Silver's first reaction would be nothing different from blushing and turning back ; what else would you expect him to do ?

He's a simple guy , he doesn't overreact but doesn't feel totally comfortable either

He didn't ever even think of the possibility of you being a girl , he just isn't used to having anyone else than boys in NRC around . You did always look too cute for a guy but still , he didn't see this coming...

(y/n) is a girl...A girl , this thought gets looped inside his brain . He can't stop freaking out over it . It feels like he's been building a sand castle on water all this time and now he's watching it sink . His whole expectations of you seems to be ruined

It gets even worse when the figure of you dressed in a long beautiful dress , holding a brilliant crown of your flowers on your long silky hair haunts him on his dreams - Why on earth do you have to be so beautiful (y/n)..!?

Silver refuses to accept , but he's pretty soft when it comes to girls . He's pretty shy but to have a girl he has been liking for sometime close...his inner self is getting teased - in a pleasant way

He doesn't show up in front of you for a while , but he just can't get the thought of you out of his mind . From reality to dreams , seems like you're always in front of him . As if you really walked with him once upon a dream

[kyanmapng]

han seojun sleepover headcanons.

listen to what to do (feat mark) by henry. 

˗ˋˏ author’s note ˎˊ˗

come and get your seojun love and appreciation. this one is for @seojunly who asked for sleepover hcs! 🤗 imagine sleepovers with the one and only han seojun who happens to be your childhood bestie. i focused more on 20s ver seojun but there are also flashbacks to childhood and high school days. it ended up being a hybrid of both scenario and headcanon. enjoy!

sleepovers are actually almost a weekly occurrence. most of the times it’s not really planned. you hang out with each other and suddenly it’s too late to leave and you are forced to crash. (also seojun just flat out refuses to let you leave after a certain hour, he would try to make you stay or he will walk you all the way to your apartment, there is no in-between)

even if it’s something that happens this often, don’t think for one minute that seojun is not losing his mind over it. you are best friends, right? it’s normal right? but when you fall asleep on him while watching netflix? when you cuddle closer and hug him? his soul leaves his body and he never had to urge himself to keep his self-control more. 

when you were younger you used to have sleepovers all the time as well, but when it was at his house his little sister was in the picture and it was more like a hangout than anything. and gowoon liked you as her sister and wanted to spend time with you so he was often third-wheeling and sulking in the corner. 

it doesn’t help that you are so unaware of his struggles. you unknowingly make his brain turn off every time you lean over him for something or put your hand on his thigh to support yourself. whenever your hands meet in the bowl with popcorn you turn to him and smile, sometimes he annoys you and holds your hand but you think nothing of it because he loves to tease you - but he is spazzing out about holding your hand. 

if you order pizza he always leaves the bigger pieces to you and even has less and gives you the last one, because he loves seeing you enjoy your food. 

he can actually make a lot of dishes and flexes that anytime you come over because you are only ever confident in instant ramen as to not set fire to your kitchen (you are just more of a baker, which he doesn’t mind because he has a sweet tooth and when it’s made by you? his heart is sold.) 

it depends on how tired you are, but sometimes you keep dishes overnight and sometimes you do them together and it does feel homely. working in sync and moving around each other with a practised sense of familiarity. you jam out together to your favorite songs but more often than not you stop singing and listen to him with a smile. when he notices he is a little bashful and pokes your forehead telling you to “not slack off”. 

when you were little, you used to be afraid of the dark and even had this small light, but even then you sometimes couldn’t fall asleep and seojun noticed that and would tuck you in really tight. (“no monsters can get you now, i will fight them off for you.”) you giggled and held out your hand to him shyly. he got so used to holding your hand while you dozed off that it was weird when he slept on his own. 

he likes to tease you about it now that you are older. asking if you need his hand to sleep comfortably, resulting in getting whacked by a pillow. 

maybe you have a toothbrush at seojun’s because you do this so often and it makes him smile every time he sees it. he makes faces at you through the mirror when you brush your teeth and hopes it will make you laugh and often you almost choke because when it doesn’t work he is not above tickling you. (he is a bully sometimes.) 

when you were in high school he would always make you sleep in his bed and take the couch instead. but now when he’s all grown up with bigger bed it’s always quite a fight. with you telling him it’s okay, you can fit. and him being like? i’m a guy, how can you be so calm with sharing a bed? 

and it’s like a lightbulb is lit and you realise. it’s not like you don’t see his visual, because how could you not? it’s more like … you try to overlook it to stop having thoughts that are not in childhood friend spectrum. things about how squishy he looks when he wakes up with his bedhead and puffy cheeks. how his voice gets deeper when he greets you in the morning. how he definitely put on some muscle when you end up leaning on him and maybe you walked in on him once or twice when he was changing his t-shirt. you try not to think about him borrowing you his clothes to sleep in, because you shouldn’t be thinking that! he is your best friend! 

it ends up with him on the couch again, regretting having morals and staying away. but maybe one day you drink a little too much because your friend was celebrating getting promoted and she makes you drink to loosen up. it goes on for longer than it should’ve and seojun being the worrywart he is ends up calling you to check up on you. when you answer all giddy and giggly he knows right away you are in no condition to walk home. he wheedles the location out of your drunk self and tells you to stay put. 

he shows up out of breath because he ran most of the time, too nervous you might try to meet him halfway and end up getting lost on the way. after he literally picks you up (walking is not an option with your level of intoxication) and piggybacks you home he is ready to tuck you in and be on his way, but… you end up holding him back. “can you hold my hand? i’m scared.” 

seojun’s heart does a flip and he gulps so loud it echoes through the apartment. “are you scared of the dark again?” he wants to tease but holds out his hand anyway and you grab it happily and you shake your head no to his question. confused he asks what is that you’re scared of then. and the answer shakes him up to his core. 

“i’m scared you might end up hating me.” you take a deep breath, looking away. “for liking you more than a friend.” after that you end up knocking out and he is just sitting there with his free hand on his face as if it could stop the blush. he let’s out a sigh, whispering “you are so unfair.” while tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and lying down next to you. 

you wake up with a massive hangover, but that almost doesn’t register because you are tucked into someone’s arms and you can’t remember anything. you panic for a split second before you recognize seojun’s face few centimetres away from your own. his eyes flutter open as if he sensed you waking up. and you expect him to pull away and apologize (this did happen sometimes when you both actually fell asleep in the same bed or on the couch and usually he jumped out of the bed faster than you could say his name). this time he doesn’t move, only gives you this unnerving stare that a man who just woke up shouldn’t be able to muster. 

“do you remember anything?” you try to ignore the close contact and keep your cool, racking your brain for answers. you remember your friend pouring you drinks and remember laughing when your favorite song came on before you realized it’s your ringtone. you remember seojun’s voice and how he smelled like he came straight out of the shower, you remember almost falling off his back when you thought you saw a stray cat and tried to jump off. you remember your head hitting the pillow and… oh god, your face goes red. 

“did...did i really make you hold my hand?” seojun nods. “and… is there any hope you didn’t actually hear me say that .. thing?” seojun chuckles, enjoying his upper hand. 

“i could never hate you, you dumbass. i’m in the same boat.” that takes a while to register in your hangover state. but seojun doesn’t give you the time. he kisses your forehead and holds you closer. 

“now we don’t have to fight over sleeping in one bed anymore. i’ve always slept the best with you next to me anyway.”    

[sleeping-lilies]

robin era jason, dick, and babs headcanons because there’s too much comedic potential to ignore

- dick and babs were the ultimate gossip buddies. whenever dick was with the titans for long periods of time, babs always filled him in on everything

babs: dick you’ll never believe what hal said to bruce last night, i even have videos. dick, the look on his face please—

dick, immediately locking doors so his teammates don’t hear the mad shit about to be dropped on main: tell me everything

- vice versa too, dick filled babs in on everything going on with the titans and all they can say is thank god those lines are bat secured with no villains being able to listen in, imagine deathstroke hearing through bat gossip that joey’s dating who?!?! 😳

- batkids have been and always will be the holder of superhero gossip. it’s a business, you see, but we’re getting off topic 😡

- lmfao anyways this is literally how dick finds out about jason

babs: anyways, jason—

dick: who the fuck is jason

babs: ....

dick: barbara?!?!

babs: ok promise you won’t freak out

- babs and dick’s first reaction upon meeting jason being “why is he so small i wasnt that small” “dick you were literally nine when you were robin—“ “he’s tiny” it’s like those two share the same braincell

- i’m making it so that dick gave jason his number earlier because i feel like it 😡😡😡 (not that it changes much other than the fact that i want more gossip dropped in dm’s)

- when dick gave jason his number, he went to babs like “give me jason’s number” “didn’t you literally just give him your’s?” “ya but i’m gonna make sure he texts me” “ya ok that’s fair”

- whenever jason didn’t want to be in the manor (fight with bruce, boredom, etc) he went to wherever the fuck babs lived and they would facetime dick and talk mad shit. it was a thing.

- despite them all being able to drive, babs was the only one during this time with an actual, legitimate, legal license (jason was too young to have a license and dick is too lazy/busy/whatever-excuse-he-wants-to-use to take the permit and driving test) so babs drove them around everywhere and it was a mess™ consisting of a bunch of backseat drivers

- “dick omg look at this video i found from the batcave” “omg he said robin gives him magic” “robin gives him magic” they both cry about it for years to come

- babs sometimes kidnapped jason after school after telling the head of wayne manor (alfred) and took him to get ice cream, then to the library while she worked. jason was the greatest kid in the library, he even had his own throne special chair just for him whenever he came provided by library staff who adored this absolute angel.

- jason 🤝 babs 🤝 dick -> i believe in annoying yet endearing nicknames supremacy

- nicknames include (some used by some more than others or just one, or by both equally because they’re annoying pick and choose my good people)

little wing (iconic, we all know this one fellas and who uses it)

red (used for babs, absolutely fantastic, but in the future it gets confusing because some people with their goddamn hero names 😡)

boy wonder (classic, babs calls them both that)

barbie (for babs, jason uses this one and he’s the only one able to get away with it)

dickie (jason just really gets away with everything huh)

dickhead (jason’s lucky he’s cute)

baba black sheep (jeez i’m on a roll with babs’ nicknames she’s so nickname-able and that’s very cool and sexy of her)

jay z

jay allen

jay jay jay (shut up, dickhead—)

big bird

and a bunch more i’m too tired to look for them in canon or make new ones up, but you get the idea

- dick can totally bake, and babs and jason keep bugging him when he’s baking and add more chocolate chips while pretending to not notice that he can see them 😡😡😡

- headcanon that jason had hero worship for babs and dick because they’re so cool in and out of costume and it never really went away when he got older listen his older brother and pseudo sister are so cool and that’s not his fault but he’ll never admit it

- barbie movie marathons because barbie is an iconic legend and they all recognize it. they have the fucking “she’s the queen of the WA-A-A-AVES” song memorized along with all other barbie movie songs, they sing it on patrol.

- dick and jason’s sibling dynamic was and is basically “ur a little shit and i hate you but i will literally kill for you”

- dick had tension with bruce while jason was just a little shit who would totally cause drama for the sake of it, and people never take advantage of this absolute power duo for destroying bruce

- dick sending cryptid texts to jason through a burner phone because he’s dramatic jason totally knew it was him about things that drive bruce mad, like leaving the shower turned to the coldest setting before bruce got there, leaving the lights in the batcave on, etc. jason, a wise little child, totally took advantage of this. bruce came to accept his fate

- the gc names, guys the group chat names

- jason crashing into titans tower whenever he wants and dick doesn’t bat (hAH) an eye, occasionally he very sweetly asks babs to come with him and she agrees but only sometimes because some people have jobs, jason—wait dick is being flirted with by who?!?! i’ll leave it up to your imagination ;) and they totally crashed titans missions too

- one time bruce was busy with the league while alfred was on vacation and bruce absolutely could not dip (i’m imagining bruce getting a call from the headmaster during an honest to god fight and bruce just picking up while punching the daylights out of some asshole) (“mr wayne, what is that noise in the background?” “sorry, headmaster, the cat is having a seizure”), so when jason got into a “fight” (read: some jackass picking on jason before he snapped and yelled at him and the bitchass kid tried to punch him and jason’s no quitter) bruce called dick who was an adult and legally family (yes dick is adopted sometime after jason was, stay mad) like “son... son please” and dick was like “oh no need to plead with me, this is too good” but of course this bitchass doesn’t have an actual lisence yet and he was hanging out with babs anyways so he and babs rolled up to gotham academy and the kids stared at them like “holy shit they’re so cool” ya dick and babs are those power couple, whether romantic or not, that turn heads, they’re just that powerful strolled into the office, bailed jason out while intimidating the headmaster because the altercation was the result of school staff negligence of actual bullying like those cliche tropes, said “ayyy you got that brat good” and get him chili dogs or whatever the fandom made robin jason’s favorite food. omg i just made an entire fanfic in rough draft form someone please steal it and write it in full form and send me the link

- jason is very very tiny, you see. babs and dick pick him up and move him for any reason, whether because they want to sit on that chair or to just throw him out of harm’s way and take the bullet for themselves.

- jason and dick both get adorable blushes on their faces it’s genetic yes that’s how genetics work shut up meanwhile babs’ ears turn red when she’s embarrassed and all three of them clown each other for it

- i yelled about this to my mutual (cough cough @littlespaceboii) who also added to this absolute dogshit headcanon and then in the discord full of mutuals, but the basement of wayne manor is haunted. dick found it when he was a little gremlin (i stand by that dick was the original demon child) (“you see damian, before there was you there was me” the real reason he was good with damian lmfao) and was like “omg this is so cool” @littlespaceboii came up with that it was just alfred fucking with bruce and so when jason first came and dick was comfy around him he was like “so have you been in the basement” and jason was like “im literally robin i’ve been in the batcave?!?!” and dick goes “no the basement, the haunted one” and jason’s like “hAUNTED?!?!” cuz jason has at least some self preservations and knows not to fuck with the spookies until he too became a spooky and bruce was like “there’s no ghost it’s not haunted” because he’s a skeptic and a party pooper and babs is like “no go on let him finish” even though she knows full well there are no ghosts or does she? and uhhhh basically they becomes ghostbusters 2.0 but cooler and funnier

- this trio is basically baby pan/bisexual jason and two resident expert pan/bisexuals solidarity but that’s literally canon. they go to pride every year that jason’s alive what who said that?

- they all tease each other for their crushes like all siblings/family friends do, i don’t need to say it but it’s important that’s emphasized for my well being

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals who added onto this absolute train wreck too, but jason used to play baseball during his robin days, and dick never showed up to those games with being busy as an excuse, but babs always showed up with bruce and alfred and took pictures for dick so dick could be like “mlb players are jobless now that little wing is on the scene” babs (and sometimes bruce) always shouted loudest for jason whether he was in the field or in the dugout and jason would get this extremely adorable blush on his face (jason finds out in the future why dick never showed up (cough cough ptsd from two face’s massive baseball bat which led to everything that came after including being fired and veangance academy and nearly killing two face and omg that’s a ride) and is like oh my god my childhood is even more ruined—)

- remember when i said dick got adopted after jason did in this new absolutely fabulous canon i just created? bruce did that because “ahhh fuck that’s my kid and i want him to know i love him through every means possible since i have the ability to do so” i believe in good dad bruce supremacy and made a whole thing where he invited dick to dinner for like a week to work up the courage and bonding to ask him and show him the adoption papers and then everyone cried :) bruce decided to finally adopt dick after jason referred to dick as his brother and bruce was like “...oh” and alfred was like 👀

- dick, as the first child hero and one of the first heroes period like at least a year or two before babs, holds the “back in my day” card over literally everyone in the hero community in general and pulls it out to annoy babs and jason even tho babs literally joined the scene only a year or two after dick

jason, shaking in his panties: it’s so fucking cold

dick, standing strong in his tits out outfit, who had to wear the panties on his own decision: oh, you’re cold? back in my day—

babs, throwing her boot at his face: god shut the fuck up—

and then dick doesn’t give back her boot and it becomes a whole thing with lots of tackling and play fighting and someone nearly gets thrown off they rooftop for funsies but anyways

also on a side note, babs would take off her cape and wrap it around jason whenever she noticed his discomfort with the weather, or use the weather as an excuse whenever she saw him uneasy for whatever reason and they never mention it to each other

- yelled about this in the discord to the mutuals at some point too holy shit i have friends, but those three are team rocket. they went out as team rocket for halloween one year after bullying bruce to let jason out only jason because he can’t tell dick and babs what to do and jason is under his care and when they do convince him, dick and babs bully jason into being meowth. manifesting jason in a meowth onesie ARTISTS PLEASE—

- dick finally took his license seriously and took his driver’s test after babs became paralyzed.

- those were a rough few months for those three. and then another rough few months for those two

- yikes, sorry to throw angst at you (sorry (unfeeling)) anyways, in the future alfred finds those old photos and shows the rest of the fam, so dick and babs bully jason, 6’2 jason that towers way above both of them, and once again bullies him into being meowth “for tradition, little wing!” “shut up, dickhead” the rest of the batkids lose their shit over this, naturally. bruce and alfred stand in the back teary eyed reminiscing the old days when things were a little more simple.

- discowing walked so terrifying handsome squidward red hood helmet could run (even tho the ugly helmet tripped and fell and missed the mark because discowing wasn’t ugly and will always remain superior, i feel i have committed a terrible crime comparing the two)

dick: jason what the fuck is that

jason: it’s fashion

dick: it’s terrifying

jason: i’m only following in my older brother’s footsteps 😔

dick: listen here, you little shit strangles him haha just kidding that illegal wait theyre vigilantes they don’t follow the law—

- these three and cass refer to the rest of the batkids as “the kids” (if she’s older than jason, sometimes she is and sometimes she isn’t and i’m really confused but whatever)

- babs and dick’s relationship with jason pre death literally shaped how jason treats his siblings post pit madness like he literally goes “what would red and big bird do?!??” when he needs to go into big brother mode over the “little ones” (“little” because tim and steph are adults and duke is nearly an adult himself oh my god he’ll graduate from high school soon and jason never got to do that himself he’s totally going to the ceremony legally dead or not) 🥺

- holy trinity continue hanging out with each other, whether lunch or games or whatever, and just enjoy each other’s company after long, rough years

[beauty-and-passion]

Headcanon: the mind’s structure and the concept of a Side’s “room”

Hi.

This post is entirely based one the last asks I got, in which dear sweet anon asked me: "How do you think the rooms of the other sides will look like?"

And so here I am, talking about my own headcanons. Was the ask just an excuse to write this post? Yes.

Of course I don’t pretend to talk about possible canonical rooms Thomas can make in real life (I already wrote a post about that). This one is entirely based on the ideas I’m developing through my fanfictions.

____________________________

The mind’s structure

One of the most famous images associated with the mind and how it’s structured is the iceberg one.

For the people who have never seen it, here’s a sample image:

As you can see, it’s theorized the mind can be roughly divided into three parts:

Conscious mind, which includes all of the things that you’re actively aware of: thoughts, perceptions of the world, etc.

Subconscious/preconscious mind, which includes all of the things that you could potentially pull into conscious awareness. It’s a sort of “filter”, that controls what is allowed to be part of the conscious.

Unconscious mind, which includes everything that is outside of our conscious awareness: hidden feelings, thoughts, urges, all that’s unacceptable and/or unpleasant.

Having said that, I think you already have an idea about where some rooms might be located.

But that’s not all. This is the overall structure of the mind. The mind itself is made of a series of layers: the higher ones are part of the conscious mind, the central ones are part of the subconscious and the lower ones are part of the unconscious.

The proportions are the same as the iceberg image: few planes on top, a whole lot of planes at the bottom.

This is the only image I found that was close enough to how I imagine the planes are. Every plane has its own ecosystem: it can be a forest, a wheatfield, a beach, an island in the middle of an ocean, Thomas’ neighborhood, his house. The more Thomas grows, the more planes appear in his mind and their borders aren’t always the same: some planes might seem endlessly big, others as small as a single house.

And of course the planes aren’t flat surfaces either: they’re three-dimensional and you can move inside them, just like you can move in our world.

But if a Side wants to move from one plane to a lower one, then they sink. While when they move from a lower plane to a higher one, they rise up.

Yes, it’s a reference from Nostalgia part 2:

[Virgil]: -pops up in the same way as the others- Whoa. That was new for me. I've never done that whole... rising up thing. How do you guys do that every episode? I'm so lightheaded.

And what do you do when you rise up a lot? You end up on the reality plane. Where Thomas is, were we all live. And where Sides appears, when Thomas calls for them.

Okay, everything good?

Very nice. Now you know more than the actual Sides.

The Sides themselves doesn’t know how the mind is structured. They know there are different places and some are a bit lower than others (because they sink a lot, before reaching them), but they have no idea these places are divided into planes and they have no idea how many planes are actually in the mind. They don’t even know where exactly are their own rooms, just that some are “higher” and "lower” than others. And why should they know? They don’t need this information, to better do their job.

There’s only one Side who perfectly knows how many levels are in the mind - and yes, he needs to know for his job - and this Side is Janus.

____________________________

The rooms

A room is just one of the mind’s many layers that one Side chooses as his own.

This choice isn’t casual: the planes appear within the mind, the same mind who created the Sides. So, among a lot of other planes, there’s also one specifically made for each Side.

The room is the only place where a Side has full control over everything. While the other planes are always the same and can’t be changed by no one (except for the two Creativities, whose power “leaks” into the levels above and below their own room), a room allows full creative control to their owner. A Side can change the place, shrink it, expand it.

And this explains why Patton’s room looks like Thomas’ house: because he actively chose to make his own room look like a place dear to Thomas, associated with memories and childhood.

This also explains why Virgil chose to make his room look like Thomas’ as well: he’s Anxiety, he fears changes. The bubble is secure, the bubble is everything. And Thomas’ own house is the perfect bubble to keep his anxiety at bay.

So, let’s see each room a bit closer:

__________________

1. Logan’s room: tip of the iceberg

Logan’s room is almost at the top of the mind, the closer to reality. Again, for obvious reasons: logic is the most conscious, rational part of the mind, the less influenced by the subconscious and the unconscious.

Since I’m a sucker for the contrast between logic and powerful nature, Logan’s room is a lighthouse that stands on rocks and is surrounded by the ocean. On top of the lighthouse there’s a cozy, circular living room surrounded by glass windows. There are nice couches, tables, soft rugs and globes of yellow, warm lights all around. No need for a bookcase: the book Logan wants to read is just on the table. He needs a computer? Here it is, it just appeared on the table.

When everything is fine, the ocean is calm and peaceful, day and night alternate as always, the sky is clear and, while the outside reminds of a fresh, summer morning, the living room looks more like a warm, soft winter home.

When Logan isn’t fine, everything changes. The storm takes control of the whole room: the waves crash against the lighthouse, there are thunders and lightning. There’s no more day/night cycle, the storm can go on for days. It’s impossible to stay outside. Inside, everything turns dark.

The place doesn’t welcome you anymore, even if its owner would never send you away. But, if you’re clever, it’s better to leave.

__________________

2. Roman’s room: blooming creativity

Considering Roman is a more controlled Creativity compared to Remus, his room is located way higher than expected from a creative force like him.

Roman’s room is a realm made of ideas. But, like, literally. Everything is made of ideas. And the stronger the idea is, the most real the thing looks like.

For example: if Roman wants to make a fruit tree, the clearer and more vivid his idea of said tree is, the better the tree will be: it will have knots in the wood, ants walking on its branches, flowers will bloom and their petals will fall to let the fruit grow.

And this applies to EVERYTHING. Trees, houses, rivers, hills, mountains, clouds, sun and moon, the day/night cycle, every atmospheric phenomenon and every single grass blade.

Roman’s room is endless. He walks inside it, but he has never seen the end. When he needs a place to stay, a new house appears. When he’s tired, the sun goes down.

His own creativity stems and takes the shape of trees, flowers, fruits. So when Roman eats a fruit, a new idea is born in his mind. When a gust of wind hits him, a new idea appears. And while he walks, he keeps developing the idea, adding details and information he literally takes by the wind, the grass and everything his room has to offer.

In other words: his room is a stream of ideas that constantly changes, while still keeping the same aspect. His room is always different, because he always walks, but it still looks like a natural landscape. There is continuity with how it looked like the day before.

Unlike Remus’ room.

__________________

3. Patton’s room: first of the subconscious

I wasn’t so sure where to put Patton, then I found out memories are located in the subconscious part of the mind and, well, it made a lot of sense.

Patton is Thomas’ emotions, memories, and morality. This last aspect is very close to the conscious mind, sure, but emotions and memories are both part of the subconscious. And, since I think Patton’s first job was related to Thomas’ emotions, his room could very well be located in the high levels of the subconscious.

Patton’s room takes the appearance of Thomas’ house. Sometimes it’s his own house, sometimes it’s his childhood house. And we saw how it was inside: filled with memories, glittering aura and so on.

This is where Patton sleeps and rests, but that’s not the only place he visits. Patton frequently explores other planes of the subconscious and the conscious.

Why? He’s not sure either. He just wants to do it. He doesn’t know, but he’s acting as a sub-controller of the mind, by double checking everything that goes from unconscious to conscious and vice versa.

__________________

4. Janus’ room: an always shifting vault

Janus knows how many levels are in the mind, their position, what they have inside and, in general, everything that happens in every level - he needs to check every information that goes from unconscious to conscious, after all.

But he doesn’t know where his room actually is. Because his room is the only one that shifts.

Its general location is the low-subconscious, but Janus’ room can actually be anywhere he needs it most - and yes, this is useful for his job: if he needs to move from his room to the low unconscious, he can’t waste time sinking like all other Sides: his room shifts and, with one small sink, he’s already where he has to be.

This also makes it incredibly difficult for other Sides to actually find his room and visit him. But that’s also good, because other Sides can’t spend too much time in his room anyway.

Why? Security reasons.

Let’s take a step back. Janus is self-preservation. In other words: that force that keeps you alive and protects you, both mentally and physically.

This implies the mind itself isn’t a safe place either - after all, the unconscious is where everything dangerous is stored. And, since Janus is the one who has to keep what Thomas doesn’t like/wants to know at bay, that means he’s the first controller of the unconscious (hence the two titles of guardian and gatekeeper) and of the exchange of information that exists among all levels.

In addition to that, there’s the pull of the unconscious. Because we all experience it, once in a lifetime. We are all attracted by what we deeply hide into ourselves - something we’re not conscious of, thoughts we might think we do not have at all. We never truly fall down this spiral (that would lead to dementia, delirium and so on), because our own mind pushes us back, bringing us back to reason.

For Thomas, this force that opposes the pull of the unconscious and brings you back to reason is Janus. And, as you can figure out, it’s an incredibly powerful force. A force that never sleeps, is never tired, always vigilant, always aware.

So, what happens when Janus needs to rest? He can’t do it anywhere, because a weak self-preservation is all the unconscious needs in order to take control.

This is where his room comes into play. His room is the only place where Janus can actually rest and allow himself to be weak. His room is like a vault, secured from the mind’s influence and from anything else.

Also, since he has full control over it, he can decide when he needs to disappear. A Side is looking for him but he needs more time to rest? His room shifts multiple times, so no one can find him. He’s fine? He let the other Side find him on the first try.

Still, other Sides can’t spend more than 5 minutes into his room. His room shifts and is more secure than any other, sure, but it’s also connected to everything. Even if he’s in his room, Janus still knows what happens everywhere. And a Side who’s not self-preservation might break for the amount of information that “oozes” from the room itself.

__________________

5. Virgil’s room: a peaceful place in the middle of the unconscious

Just like Patton, Virgil chooses his room to look like Thomas’ house and, in general, all places Thomas feels more at ease.

However, it’s still a room located in the unconscious - and this is a very dangerous place, especially for Sides who live in the conscious/high subconscious. And it’s also Anxiety’s room, so the room itself is full of the influence of its owner.

Hence why, after a while, all Core Sides started to feel the influence of Virgil’s place during AA-part 2.

__________________

6. Remus’ room: bursting creativity

Remus’ room is ever changing: Remus wants a field? There’s a field. He wants an ocean? Here’s the ocean. He wants to live inside a whale? The room is now a whale.

Just like Roman’s room, everything is made of his own creativity. But, unlike Roman’s room, who solidifies his creative power into a constant, coherent landscape, Remus’ landscape always changes, glitches, switches. The room is never the same, there’s no day/night cycle, nor coherent phenomenon: It could snow with 30 °C, it could rain with no clouds. Remus’ creative potential is so strong, it actually ends up influencing the planes above and below his own - just like Roman does up in the consciousness.

And here’s the most important thing: Remus’ room has direct contact with Roman’s. Despite being separated by a huge number of layers and with the subconscious acting as a barrier between them, their rooms are able to communicate. Remus can “plant” his ideas in his room and, like roots, these ideas are able to reach Roman’s room and bloom directly inside it, without touching any other layer in the middle.

That explains why Remus’ influence is able to reach Roman and how Remus’ idea can be literally picked by Roman, “ate” and processed.

__________________

The lowest level

What’s at the bottom of the mind? No one knows. No one could reach the bottom. The only one who can go deep down without going insane or losing himself is Janus, but even self-preservation isn’t able to see what the mind hides at the bottom of itself.

The lowest place Janus can reach is where there are what I called “The Faint Ones”.

The Faint Ones aren’t a Side, nor multiple Sides. They’re an indistinct agglomeration of ideas, concepts and things that will never become Sides. All the Faint Ones want is to surge to the top and take control. But, since the mind is the one in charge, all it does is pushing these forces deep down.

However, the Faint Ones can still call, ask and pray to be freed and their calls can lure the Sides down, just like marine predators do.

The Sides from the unconscious can hear these calls but, since they live in the unconscious, over time they developed some resistance. Still, they can’t venture too deep into the mind (and, with a guardian like Janus, they do not). Remus can hear the calls, but they’re more like a background noise. Virgil just hears faint voices.

On the other hand, Patton, Roman and Logan can’t hear anything from the conscious and subconscious. But if they go too deep into the mind, they start hearing the calls and they are way more hypnotic for them. (That’s also why Janus knows everything that happens inside the mind: to be sure no one goes below a certain point)

Speaking of Janus, of course he’s able to hear the voices and the more he goes down, the more he can recognize their words. Still, the Faint Ones’ calls do not act as a lure for him, no matter how down he can go. He can even face them and still be in complete control.

Because yes, he’s the only one who has ever seen the Faint Ones and knows what they look like.

_______________________________

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[starlight-loki]

The Thin Line Between Life and Death (Loki x Mystic!Reader) -- PART 1

Or, That Time You and Loki Saved the World

Request: is it alright if you do a loki x reader fic where reader's got powers like strange and wields one of the infinity stones and almost dies trying to save everyone? -- requested by anon

Warnings: this is darker than other fics i've written so far: descriptions of nausea, mentions of anxiety, and major character deaths (but not Loki, I promise).

Word Count: 4.8k (hooo weeee man, if I didn't split this into 2 parts it would've been like... over 10k omg)

A/N: For context, please read this headcanon first if you'd like to know a bit more about the reader and Loki's relationship as well as to sort of set the scene for this fic -- otherwise, if you're cool with jumping right in, enjoy! This was so much fun to write :)

Also this doesn't follow the events of Infinity War/Endgame at all; this is sort of... my take on it, I guess you could say?

Everything started going downhill when you began getting visions.

They weren't anything concerning at first, in fact they were almost cryptic, really: manifesting themselves in your dreams in subtle -- almost metaphoric -- ways. First it was simply the colour orange, which then progressed to flashes of amber light at random occasions during the events of your dreams, then it became fire. For a while, fire consumed your dreams nearly every night, burning through cities, forests, and even planets.

The Ancient One had told you from the start that dreams carried messages from your subconscious. They weren't something to be dismissed, even the most simplest elements. They were to be respected, listened to, and were meant to encourage you to shift mentally and emotionally in indescribable ways.

You figured the fire was symbolic for the stress and worry you were feeling, with everything moving so quickly over the last few days.

After all, the threat of Thanos was looming more and more. No longer was he a whispered rumour that was occasionally passed around at dinnertime with the rest of the Avengers. He was an actual threat now, and the Avengers were holding meetings twice a day to try and develop a plan of attack.

He had the power stone. It was only a matter of time before he found the others.

Twenty-four hours before everything changed, a vision came to you differently than all the others.

You were in the kitchen preparing lunch for yourself when your ears began ringing. Whispers filled your mind from the inside and spoke to you in a language you didn't understand, yet chilled you to the bone at the same time. There was a blinding flash of light that nearly paralyzed you, and as you strained to focus your eyes, you noticed a small orange stone materialize in front of you.

The soul stone.

It glided closer and closer to you, and as it did so the whispers grew louder. The lives of thousands flashed before your eyes. Their deaths did, as well. It was showing you the cycle of humanity -- birth, life, death, repeat -- almost taunting you that this seemingly inevitable thing could be controlled.

You gasped, dropped the plate in your hands accidentally. It fell to the floor with an earsplitting crash, and as quickly as the soul stone arrived, it disappeared in a swirl of orange smoke.

Your hands were shaking as you knelt down to collect the bigger pieces of the now-shattered plate. A hand on your back made you flinch in surprise and you instinctively curled closer towards the kitchen cabinets in an attempt to protect yourself.

"It's just me." Loki's soft voice seemed foggy and distant as your brain continued to adjust from the voices and the ringing you had just heard. "Are you hurt?"

You shook your head and sunk to the floor, half in defeat and half in relief that you weren't alone anymore. These visions were growing far too intense for you to handle.

You looked up at Loki, who exchanged an anxious expression with you. His green eyes searched your face, seemingly looking for an explanation of what had just happened to you.

"I saw something," you whispered, absentmindedly gripping the plate shard in your hand tighter. "Loki, I think I saw the soul stone."

His eyes widened as he knelt down beside you and gently pried the glass out of your grip, setting it down out of your reach. He replaced the broken piece in your hand with his own, and you sighed shakily as his thumb gently stroked the top of your hand.

"Did it show you anything?" He asked quietly, and you nodded quickly in response.

"I saw life, death... everything." You felt far removed from you own voice, almost like it didn't belong to you. "It's been happening in dreams too, but I've never seen the stone itself before."

You gazed at Loki, who almost seemed to disappear into his own thoughts at your mention of the visions you saw. You knew all too well about the Tesseract, and the way it had tormented Loki once before. The infinity stones were not gentle to humans, or gods for that matter.

"Do you think this has something to do with Thanos?" You asked, your voice trembling as you whispered. "Do you think maybe he managed to get the soul stone?"

Loki shook his head slowly, but it wasn't without hesitation.

"The soul stone is far away on Vormir. It's guarded heavily. I doubt-"

"Hey, you two okay?"

You glanced up quickly just as Tony stepped into the room. His eyes swept over the mess of a broken plate on the floor before landing on you and Loki, huddled together in the corner of the kitchen as if your lives depended on it.

Tony looked as exhausted as you felt. No one had really slept well in the last few days, but you couldn't imagine what it was like for Tony: he had been staying up until ungodly hours of the morning with Steve, Vision, and Rhodey, trying to formulate a plan of attack.

"Yeah," you shook your head as you tried to clear the last of the visions out of your mind. "Sorry, that was an accident. I'm just... really tired."

Tony gave a perfectly-timed yawn as he knelt down and began to pick up the broken pieces of the plate you dropped.

"I feel ya, kid."

You watched as him and Loki exchanged resigned nods of acknowledgement, and you grabbed Loki's hand before he could step forward to help Tony clean up the mess.

Should I tell him? You asked telepathically. About the soul stone?

Loki gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head.

Not yet. His voice echoed through your mind like the whispers from the soul stone moments ago, bringing you warmth rather than fear. Until we fully understand why these visions are occurring, I believe it would be best to not burden Stark with any more details. It would only cause more problems.

You nodded in agreement as you pushed yourself up onto your feet shakily. You stepped forward to help Tony clean up the mess, only feel your head spin violently. You lurched forward, grabbing onto the counter as you tried to stop yourself from falling.

"Hey, whoa!" Tony sprang up and grabbed your shoulders just as you felt Loki's arms wrap around your waist in an effort to keep you standing. "Easy there, kid. Jesus, are you okay?"

"I feel sick." You mumbled, squeezing your eyes shut in an attempt to keep the room from spinning. Even with two people supporting your weight, you still felt as though you were going to fall over.

"Go sleep, okay?" Tony told you sternly. You made a sound of protest and tried to help him continue cleaning up. Tony shook his head in response.

"Don't worry about this, we'll clean it up." His gaze shifted over to Loki, who still held you tightly. You could feel his hands trembling ever-so-slightly, and you placed your own hand over his weakly as you attempted to silently reassure him that you'd be okay.

"Loki, make sure Y/N gets some rest."

"I will."

Loki scooped you up into his arms in one fluid motion, causing you to wince as spots danced in your vision. You buried your head against his shoulder, squeezing your eyes shut as you tried to hold yourself together.

Has this ever happened to you? You manage to ask Loki telepathically as he set you carefully down on your bed. He brushed a stray strand of hair out of your face before crawling into bed beside you.

Not to this degree, he replied. You couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped your lips as he gently pulled you close, cradling the back of your head. The infinity stones all have variable levels of energy, but I have never dealt with the soul stone before.

Do you mean their frequencies vary depending on their roles?

Precisely.

You sighed defeatedly, troubled by the fact that -- out of all the infinity stones -- the one that boasted power over life and death itself just had to come find you.

You knew mystics seemed to have some sort of connection to the stones, seeing as Stephen knew the time stone and guarded it with his life. You had hoped, though, that if another stone were to find its way somehow to another mystic, it would be Wong, not you.

Loki nudged your chin up ever so slightly with his fingertips, encouraging you to look up at him. He gave you a warm, gentle smile as he caressed your cheek slowly.

"Rest now," he whispered, placing a kiss on your forehead softly. "I will stay with you, I promise."

You nodded halfheartedly in response. Every cell in your being longed for nothing more but rest, yet at the same time you were afraid to close your eyes in case the soul stone was still lurking somewhere in your mind. Waiting for you.

It felt as though you had only just closed your eyes, when the sound of thunder jolted you out of your sleep. You felt weightless as you opened your eyes slowly, taking in the purple hues of clouds above you. As you felt yourself float higher, you realized with a sickening sinking feeling that your body was still in your bed, far away from where you currently were.

Your spirit had separated from your physical body, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't seem to be able to get back.

You glanced upward as you continued your ascent just as two towering structures came into view at the top of a cliff. The whispers that had filled your mind earlier that day resumed, and you cried out in fear, clutching your head in your hands. It only made them grow stronger.

As flashes of orange began filling your vision, your blood ran cold as you realized where you were.

Somehow, your spirit had found its way to Vormir.

Reaching the top of the cliff, you stepped carefully onto the platform just as a hooded figure glided towards you.

Never before has this stone ever summoned a soul into its presence. A chill ran up your spine as the guardian's voice echoed in your mind, crackling like ice.

Many have sought this stone, but it belongs to no one.

"So why did it bring me here?" You demanded, curling your arms around your middle in an attempt control your nerves. You were vulnerable here. You were powerless without your physical body -- incantations and even the mirror realm would be of no use to you in this state.

The soul stone seems to have taken a certain interest in you. It sees potential... for what is yet to come.

"I don't understand." Your own voice seemed to wrap around you in an endless echo. You instinctively took a step back as your head spun from sensory overload.

You walk the line between the living and the dead, mystic.

"But I'm not the only mystic. There's more out there like me, surely they experienced the same thing? I mean, there's Stephen-"

No. Your breath caught in your throat as the hooded figure raised its head to gaze at you, and your eyes met fiery blood red irises. You turned your gaze to the ground in an attempt to divert your fear and calm your racing heart.

Stephen Strange is already in possession of the time stone, the guardian explained slowly. There are no other mystics who possess the strength -- or courage -- to cross over into the land of the dead.

"But I'm not dead." You protested, ignoring the small voice in the back of your mind that drew your attention back to the fact that you were currently a spirit on another planet, far away from your body. "I... I've been training in the mystic arts for a few years now. Never in my life has anything like this happened. Why now am I suddenly getting visions?"

There is another who seeks the soul stone as we speak, the guardian replied. To your relief, it kept its distance from you. He yearns to own it.

"Thanos," you whispered, feeling a cold chill run up your spine as you spoke his name.

Yes, mystic, the guardian nodded solemnly. However, there are elements of the soul stone that the Titan has not tried to understand. Just like how life and death are two sides of the same coin, so too does the soul stone have another aspect.

You gasped as the soul stone materialized in front of you, hovering level with your line of sight just like when you were in the kitchen back at the Compound. You watched as it began to spin, gradually growing faster and faster, until it split neatly into two halves.

The soul stone embodies both the physical and the spiritual, and thus each aspect is acquired through complete mastery of its respective lesson.

The guardian's words echoed in your mind as you gazed at the fragments of the soul stone curiously. The fear you had felt in connection with your earlier visions was gone now. In its place, all you felt was awe.

As one of the pieces of the soul stone began gliding closer to you, you reached out your hand in an attempt to touch it. It looked so warm, so inviting. You longed to know what it would feel like to hold a piece of ancient power in your hands.

No.

You flinched, glancing at the guarding whose voice boomed in your head. As if to reinforce his words, the shards of the soul stone vanished into thin air.

"What do you mean, 'no'?" You asked quietly. "You said there's a connection between myself and the soul stone, I don't understand."

You must earn it. It does not come willingly to anyone.

"Then I don't want it." You shook your head, taking a step back. "I don't know why any of this is happening, but I want it to stop. I want to go home."

Very well.

The guardian raised his hand, and you felt yourself being pulled backwards slowly, back the way you came.

I offer you a piece of advice, mystic, the voice in your mind echoed out louder than ever. In order to gain the physical shard of the stone, you must lose the one you love. To gain the spirit shard, you must know the path that leads you back to them.

There was a sharp tug around your middle, and you felt your heart freeze in your chest as you began plummeting down the cliff. You squeezed your eyes shut as the wind echoed like a jet plane in your ears.

Remember this, the guardian's voice was distant now. You had to strain to register the words in your mind. The spirit shard cannot be found on Vormir. The fate of the physical shard is being decided as we speak. Use this knowledge wisely, mystic.

An image flashed in your mind of a titan ascending the mountain, towards the top of the cliff upon which your spirit had just stood. You caught a glint of purple, blue, and red flash from his hand.

You gasped, bolting upright as the heavy sensation that accompanied falling back into your body ran through you. You were trembling, drenched in a cold sweat, and you yelped as two hands planted themselves firmly on your shoulders.

"Relax!" Your heart sped up in your chest as you tried to fight off whoever was holding onto you. "Y/N, relax, it's me!"

Loki came into focus in front of you, his eyes never straying from yours as you tried to catch your breath. His hands were steady, but you caught a flash of fear in his eyes as he gazed at you.

"What happened?" He whispered, pulling you into a protective and firm embrace. Your breath caught in your throat as your mind wandered back to the visions that flashed behind your eyes moments before you woke up.

"Thanos." Your voice felt far away, almost foreign to you, as you replied softly. Your trembling hands reached up to pull Loki even closer to you. You were afraid you'd lose control and end up separated from your body again. You didn't want to be alone once more.

"What?"

"Thanos." You repeated again, glancing out the window into the now-darkened sky to make sure you were no longer on Vormir. You couldn't trust yourself. "Loki, I saw him. He's got more stones. He found the Tesseract."

Loki pushed you away, only to wrap his hands firmly around your arms. The fear he had hidden so well moments ago was dancing like fire in his eyes.

"That's impossible," he said slowly, and you weren't sure if those words were for you, or if they were an attempt to convince himself. "You hid the Tesseract yourself, you took it from me and-"

"I know what I did." You snapped. You winced as Loki recoiled away from you ever-so-slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm just... Look, you have to believe me Loki. Please. I was on Vormir, or at least my spirit was. The guardian of the soul stone was there, it spoke to me, I-"

"I believe you." Loki's soft whisper stopped the rambling thoughts that were pouring out of your mouth, and you nearly cried in relief at his words. His expression softened as he took in your torn, distressed expression, and he kissed your forehead softly.

"I believe you." He repeated again, pulling you close.

"We don't have much time." Your voice felt tight in your throat as you spoke. "Right before I woke up, I saw Thanos approaching Vormir. The rest of the stones are on Earth, Loki. I think he's coming here next."

"We need to tell the others."

"Will they know what to do?"

Loki's gaze burned into yours determinedly as he took your hand and helped you up off your bed.

"All we can do is hope."

The two of you raced down the hall, pounding on every door you passed as you tried to wake everyone up at once. Tired groans of protest echoed from within a few rooms, only encouraging you to knock even louder on the Avengers' doors.

"Everyone up!" You exclaimed. You couldn't ignore the way your voice and hands trembled as you made your way down the hall. "Emergency meeting, now!"

The Compound slowly came to life once more as you and Loki reached the end of the hall, and the two of you were met with numerous confused and somewhat alarmed looks.

"What's going on?" Steve asked, effortlessly keeping up with your strides as you made your way to the meeting room.

"Y/N had a vision." Loki explained, taking your hand and giving it a small squeeze in an attempt to comfort you. "Thanos is coming."

"What!?" Bruce's shocked exclamation echoed out from behind you as he jogged to keep up. "We were monitoring his whereabouts, just a few hours ago he was still light years away from Earth looking for the other five infinity stones-"

"Yeah, well, he's managed to get two more," You answered as you sat yourself down in a chair in the meeting room. Loki sat close beside you, resting his knee against yours in a silent gesture, as if to communicate he was right by your side through all of this.

"He's on Vormir as we speak," you continued as everyone took their seats around the table. "He's looking for the soul stone. That's infinity stone number four. He'll be coming for us next."

"How do you know that?" Natasha's question sounded out from the other side of the room.

"There's six stones in total, right?"

Your question earned slow nods from the Avengers sitting around you.

"I saw his glove. He's got the power stone -- as we know -- as well as the reality stone, and now the space stone too."

"The Tesseract was destroyed along with Asgard." Thor remarked, frowning as he took in your words. You looked over at Loki quickly, the two of you exchanging anxious glances, before you looked back at Thor and shook your head.

"The Tesseract was... misplaced." You answered slowly.

Everyone flinched as Thor banged his fist against the table, his gaze immediately shifting away from you as realization burned in his eyes.

"Loki!"

"I assure you brother-"

"I knew it was a bad idea bringing Rock of Ages here onto the team." Tony interrupted pointing an accusatory finger at Loki. Several other Avengers nodded in agreement.

"It wasn't his fault!" You exclaimed loudly. The room felt silent as everyone frowned at you in confusion. "It was mine. I should've destroyed it but I didn't. I just opened a portal and... threw it in."

"Do you know where it went?" Steve asked you.

"At the time, I didn't. I had no idea Thanos was out there looking for the stones at the same time. I just wanted that thing far away from us. It's caused enough trouble, and we didn't need any more."

Loki squeezed your hand and gave you a soft smile as he heard your reply.

"There are two stones left," you continued, glancing around the room worriedly as you thought about the threat of Thanos looming over your team like a dark shadow. "Stephen is guarding the time stone downtown. Assuming he's kept his guard up as usual, he'll be one step ahead of Thanos and he'll already be taking precautions to keep it out of his reach."

You paused, glancing nervously over at Vision. His eyes met yours in understanding, and he gave the slightest nod in acknowledgement.

"The other stone," you continued quietly. "Is right here in this room with us."

A strange humming sound caused a hushed silence to fall over the Compound. You frowned, straining your ears as you tried to listen.

"Does anyone else hear that-"

Tony's question was cut off by an explosion that took out the entire side wall of the Compound. The force of the blast knocked you to the ground, and your ears rang violently as you tried to orient yourself once more with your surroundings.

"This is too easy. Everyone in one room together, how... pathetic."

You glanced up to see Thanos looming over everyone, an already victorious grin on his face as he examined the aftermath of the blast he had caused.

"I would've thought you'd make it more difficult for me."

The stones on Thanos' gauntlet began to glow, and you felt an arm yank you backwards and into their grasp before a ray of purple light blasted throughout the room. You glanced behind you to find Loki, his jaw clenched as he stared in fear towards Thanos, before casting a protective spell over the two of you.

You tried to pull away, to gather up the other members of the team and bring them to safety, but Loki's grip was firm and unrelenting.

"They need help!" You exclaimed in protest. "Everyone's vulnerable, all our defense and weapons are two floors down-"

"You go over there, and you'll get killed." Loki muttered through gritted teeth. "I can't lose you. Stay here."

"But-"

"Stay here!"

Loki trembled as he tried to keep his shield up. Pressing yourself closer to him, you cast the strongest protective spell you knew and placed it overtop of his. Green and gold magic intertwined together, forming a tightly-knit dome over the two of you.

"I think I can get Bruce," you whispered, nodding towards the corner of the room. "He's not very far-"

Your idea was suddenly interrupted as Thanos raised his gauntlet, and the soul stone began to glow.

You watched in horror as every member of your team outside of your protective dome was wrapped in an orange aura, and lifted off the ground.

"No!" You yelled, stumbling forward and pushing your protective spell further outwards in an attempt to save those closest to you. A spark of energy backfired, burning your hands and causing you to stumbled back with a cry of pain.

"I can't get to them," you gasped, glancing at Loki in horror. "I can't get past the soul stone."

Thanos heard your words, and he shifted his gaze in your direction with narrowed eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" You demanded, watching as Steve and Tony, among others, struggled to be released from the titan's invisible grasp.

"Those who play hero only bring more war," Thanos stated, glancing behind your shoulder at Loki and smiling coldly. "I'm putting an end to this child's play, once and for all."

"Let them go!" You yelled, reaching forward in a weak attempt to save your teammates. Your gesture only earned a piteous laugh from the titan.

"You're choosing to play a bold game, mystic." Thanos continued. "By keeping that shield of yours up, you're creating more pain. All you are doing is delaying your death."

"It'll give us more time to plot yours." Loki retorted from behind you with gritted teeth.

"Bold as ever, Asgardian." Thanos smirked. "But not strong enough. Neither of you are."

You glanced desperately over at Tony for any sort of help, but all you exchanged were helpless glances.

"There will be no more heroes," Thanos boomed, raising his gauntlet triumphantly. The soul stone began to glow once more. "No more martyrs. No more humans. Only gods."

"I believe in you, kid." Tony gasped out. "You can do this."

"I can't." You cried out, your heart racing as you glanced between your teammates and Thanos. "I don't know how."

You managed to catch a determined nod from Tony, before a loud snap reverberated through the room, knocking you and Loki backwards.

There was a gust of cold air as Thanos opened a portal with the space stone, smirking victoriously down at the two of you.

"We'll meet again, mystic."

Thanos pulled a now-unconscious Vision towards him with his gauntlet and disappeared, the portal closing as soon as it opened. You lowered your shield to run for your teammates, who were still hovering unconscious in mid-air, only to be stopped by Loki.

"Look."

You watched in horror as, one by one, each member of the Avengers dissolved into ash and vanished before your eyes. Crying out in disbelief, you lowered your protection spell and raced forward before Loki could protest.

"Tony!"

You tried to reach for his hand, to pull him out of the orange aura that held him captive. As soon as your fingers brushed his, he turned to ash immediately.

You sunk to your knees, the sudden silence that fell over the Compound feeling like a graveyard. You heard Loki run towards Thor, calling his name over and over again, before he too fell silent.

You caught his gaze from across the room, and a cold chill shook your insides as his eyes mirrored the same terror you felt inside yourself.

Unable to find the strength to stand, you crawled over to where he sat and buried your face in his shoulder. As soon as Loki's arms wrapped around you, you were unable to stop the sobs that wracked your body. You felt him trembling and realized that he, too, was crying.

"They're all gone." You whispered, your voice distorted through your tears. "Everyone's gone."

Loki didn't reply. Instead, he pulled you closer and ran his hands in small circles upon your back, almost as if he were memorizing the feel of you in his arms.

The sound of your cries echoed out through the Compound and reverberated back towards the two of you, piercing your skin like little knives. You squeezed shut your eyes, hoping that this was all a bad dream and -- when you opened your eyes again -- the Avengers would be right back in this room with you and Loki, ready to formulate a plan of attack.

When you opened your eyes, however, nothing changed.

There was only one infinity stone left.

Everyone was gone, leaving only you and Loki.

Thanos had won.

END OF PART ONE.

Taglist: @startrekkingaroundasgard @delightfulheartdream @justasmisunderstoodasloki @marvels-mischief @k8obr @pastyoverlord265 @lowkeytesss @levylovegood

Taglist for this fic only: @littleredstarfish @treblebeth @taylordani03

[thotsforvillainrights]

~A Literal Nightmare~

(Omg I fell asleep after writing that last post for Hawks. Anyway, I’m continuing clearing my drafts now with this one. Please enjoy me bringing back my “Chrono can’t drive” headcanon lmao)

headcanon|scenario|imagine|match-up

The white car sat at the end of the entryway as Nemoto and lugged out some suitcases into the trunk while Mimic sat atop his hat. Kai went ahead and got into the back seat while awaiting Mimic to sit on the other side of him and Nemoto to sit in the front. “Why sit in the back Overhaul?” Hari asked from the driver seat. “Because I have the most personal space with Mimic on the other side behind Nemoto.” Just as he said that, Irinaka interrupted him while pushing his small stature up into the seat. “It’s because it makes him feel special when riding in the back.” Nemoto and Chrono chuckled while Kai scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Nevermind all this small talk. Nemoto, I trust you secured all the money and left it in the suitcases. We can’t even fall short by a dime. This deal has to go through for the Hassaikai’s sake.” Kai was pleased when Nemoto nodded. “Fall short?! I stayed up for an extra 4 hours to recount everything! If anything, we’re over by at least a couple tHoUsAnD yEn!!!” Mimic shouted and Kai groaned loudly. “Be quiet Irinaka, I’m begging you. It’s 10 in the morning and I’m already getting a headache. Chrono, pull off and let’s go please. 

From that very moment it was clear that the others made a mistake...

The way Hari whipped the car out of the driveway and literally sped to the stop sign (which was only a few feet away) was alarming on its own. The way he also abruptly stopped at the sign way too short before taking off again...it was a red flag. 

Kai was in the backseat wondering when he had gotten to this point. When they were teens, Hari’s driving was questionable but never this bad. Irinaka was gripping on the seatbelt for dear life. It was his desperate attempt to not become a crash test dummy. Nemoto was already online googling ‘how to create a last will and testament’. Meanwhile Hari was vibing like it was any old day. Not to mention he had already switched the radio on under the opinion that ‘its too quiet’ which it wasn’t. Now they were doing almost 20 over the speed limit on back roads while Hari was spouting off Chopper City. Thank God Nemoto toughened up a bit and turned the radio off suddenly. “My apologies but I think it’s best if we calm it down so early in the morning. We don’t want to get pulled over and lose all the money.” Hari sighed but he complied nonetheless. “Nemoto if the music wasn’t your style then you could’ve just said that.” He teased with a smirk. “My taste??? Please, I can...handle it. Just not so early. Besides, Master Overhaul already mentioned a headache earlier. And if I may add something, this is a 2016 Honda Accord, NOT a Hellcat. Please stop pushing it like one.”

“Nemoto you literally drive an Altima. Please don’t speak to me.”

“Excuse me!?” Before they could break into an altercation, Kai reached forward and overhauled his glove so they could get the message to shut up. The men both fell silent and within 15 minutes they started small talk as if they weren’t fighting earlier. Mimic groaned every time Hari rounded a corner too fast and mumbled something about being carsick. Kai started to consider taking an Uber back to the base instead of stepping foot into this car again. And before you know it, Hari got into a wreck...no not a wreck going almost 100 on the highway. No not a wreck from rounding the corners without slowing down. No not a wreck from merging without using his signals. He got in a wreck trying to pull out of the parking lot after the meeting with the rival gang. Instead of waiting to sort out the dent he put in the car, he quickly sped off. “Eh, I’ll get that fixed eventually.” He mumbled carelessly while the others stared at him with wide eyes. That wasn’t even the worst of it. The worst situation of the evening is when they stopped to get food on the way back home and Hari locked his keys in the car. Overhaul had to handle the business in freeing his keys, but in all honesty Kai considered just getting that Uber and abandoning the men. It became increasingly clear by the time they got back home that they would NEVER consider Hari to be the driver ever again. “I would soon get in the car with Rappa behind the wheel before I ever set foot in a car with Hari Kurono ever again. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go kiss the ground.” Nemoto grumbled as he stepped out. Kai went shower and Mimic probably ended up going to go vomit somewhere. 

“I don’t know why you guys are overreacting. That’s not even my normal driving. I took it slow for yall.”

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

Instagram: @pastelbattydraws & @pastelbattystore

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[bakugoulovesme]

Bakugou x Reader

Title: Long Story Short

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, various pro heroes (mentioned), original character (who is not the reader)

Word Count: 2,783

Warnings: mentions of toxic ex, passing out, hospital visits (dw it’s all good), gross fluff 

Summary:  You had a terrible breakup that made you stop hero work. Now, three years later, you are dating Bakugou Katsuki and you jump back in the saddle.

A/N: Pro hero au! Lmao guys be nice I haven’t written a full fic since 2018.. oof... request headcanons pleeeaaaseee <3 (OOOH OOOH also this is the first of a very tentative series of stories based on Taylor Swift’s albums Evermore and Folklore,, AND this was crossposted on ao3) 

You told yourself never again on a night much like this one, three years ago. You remember it all very distinctly. Nyx had already promised you a change of pace, somewhere as far away from him as you could get. They were standing behind you on the rooftop, a good few paces back. It was considerate, really: giving you space so that you could have your moment of dramatic catharsis. You remember bouncing on your toes once before sparring a glance over your shoulder at them. The blank motorcycle helmet that was a staple of their hero costume stared back at you, emotionless. They offered you a single nod. You turned forward again, facing the wind. You turned the ring over and over in your hand for a few more minutes, longer than you wanted to. It seemed cliché to you even then, when the wound was still so fresh, to get rid of the ring in such an over the top way. But damn, if it didn’t feel absolutely amazing. 

And tonight you are standing atop the roof of that twenty-story building again. And Nyx, lovely Nyx, is standing behind you with their expressionless motorcycle helmet boring into your soul and their harrowing silent wisdom making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. “I’m not so sure that I’m ready,” you say after a beat. Your hero costume feels strikingly familiar and foreign all that at the same time. You play with the waistband of the jumpsuit absentmindedly. 

“I am,” they say as if it is the easiest thing in the world. Don’t they know how hard this is? Shouldn’t they of all people understand?  “And he is, too.” 

They got you. They always do. 

You heave a sigh—no turning back now. You take a deep breath and remind yourself that you can do this, that you are in fact a capable hero. Three years. You haven’t done this in three years. 

Fuck. Can you do this? What if… 

“I know what you're thinking,” Nyx says, allowing emotion to seep into their tone for the first time tonight. “And, I hate to break it to you, but… you are already doing it.” 

“This is barely a patrol,” you grumble. 

“Not a traditional one, no, but remember you’re still in your trial period. You are technically only my sidekick right now.” You don’t need to see the expression Nyx is wearing to be certain that they are smiling. 

“Ugh, don’t remind me.” 

The universe does not leave you much time to wallow in self-pity. Less than half an hour later, there’s a call. A building is collapsing. The number four hero, Edgeshot, has already taken care of the villain responsible, so it is time for clean-up duty: your specialty. All in a matter of thirty seconds, you shove your helmet onto your head (it matches the one Nyx sports; all of their sidekicks wear them) and run to grab onto Nyx as they teleport you to the scene. Gone is the gentle night air; here, everything is hot. The villain must be using some quirk-enhancing drug. (The damage they caused in their dragon form puts Ryukyu to shame.) Several voices chatter into your ears at once filling you and Nyx in. Nyx was gone the second they dropped you off, working as fast as they could to teleport people out of the upper floors of the building. 

Adrenaline pushes you forward but you are stopped quickly, debris already blocking your path into the ground level of the building. Luck must be on your side tonight because you can see the number two hero, Hawks, fly in as he uses his feathers to aid in the evacuation. You feel comfortable enough to ask Nyx through the helmet to get you inside. And they do. You could not imagine how disorienting it must be for them because, after just your second leap of the night, you are incapacitated for at least fifteen seconds. 

When the world rights itself again, you realize you have already put your shield up to protect yourself from the smoke. It does not take long to find the group of survivors to the left of you, trying—and failing—to break out of a crumbled window. You see eighteen at first glance, but as you approach, you can see a group of children, four of them all huddled together. Twenty-two, then. You drop your shield as you approach them. “Help is here,” you inform them, attempting to keep your sentences short so your helmet will translate them faster. 

“Now, everyone remain calm. Everything will be okay.” Any doubts you had earlier have been seared away. You are met with thankful sobs and incoherent clambering. You direct them to stand around you, as close as they can fit. The children are lifted into their parent’s arms as everyone scrambles forward. As soon as all twenty-two are comfortably within range, you activate your quirk again. One of the children lets out an awed gasp at the buzzing bubble of blue energy that has formed. 

You find yourself smiling. 

“What do we do now?” An older woman asks incredulously, her entire body shaking in fear. 

“We wait.” She opens her mouth to retort, but you continue. “Once the upper floors of the building and the surrounding block are completely evacuated, I will get us out of here.” 

“Are you sure you can do it, Miss Hero?” A little girl asks. “My Daddy says heroes can’t really do anything...”

Her father has the decency to look horrified, but you just laugh. You crouch down to make eye contact with her,  “I’m very sure I can do it. Do you wanna know why?”

She leans away from her father slightly, turning towards you with her eyes full of stars. It takes you a second to reply as you get the go-ahead that everything is clear. Perfect. 

“Because… you are going to help me, of course!” You exclaim, removing your helmet. This forces you to use the translator that you wear around your neck which is not as loud (or clear), but you think it’s a good trade-off. The adults (and the other children)  who were momentarily distracted hearing you speak to the little girl will need the comfort of a human face for the next part, this much you are sure. You gesture for the girl to be put down and you take her hand in one of your glowing ones. A little boy wriggles out of his mother’s grasp and grabs your other hand. You beam. 

“Now you two have a very important job: you have to keep everyone brave!”

“How we s’posed to do dat?” The boy asks. 

“Simple. You will walk with me in the front, okay? We can even sing a little song so everyone knows to keep walking,” you explain with a smile, more genuinely happy than is probably appropriate. The other children wrestle themselves out of their parent’s arms and grab their hands fiercely, ready to help drag them along. The pair holding your hands only take a minute to consider before nodding solemnly. 

The boy leads the little marching tune as you calmly begin leading everyone towards the front of the building. It’s at the moment that your shield touches the front wall that the building comes down. Hard. 

So much for raining small chunks, the full weight of the building crashes down around you. It makes you lightheaded, but you force yourself not to show any distress. You just keep walking, hunks of the building being forced out around the bubble. Suddenly though, something smacks into your shield from the inside and you lurch forward. Your eyes screw shut as you focus completely on regaining control. 

“Daddy!” The little girl yells as she pushes past the group to reach her father, still frozen in shock against the farthest side of the bubble. You didn’t even feel her drop your hand... Before you can contemplate the fate of your other small charge. The boy squeezes your hand tight. You turn to look at him and smile. One hand grips yours and the other grips a younger girl, his sister you presume, who is latched onto their mother, as well. 

You are more out of it than you realize because in no time at all, the girl is back holding your hand, dragging her father behind her. He looks sickly pale. Deep breath. “Everything’s okay. Almost over. Everyone please just keep being brave for me,” you say, squeezing the kids’ hands. 

You close your eyes again and put everything you have into walking normally. Pushing. Pushing. It feels like you let the smoke in; there doesn’t seem to be enough air for you. You can’t remember feeling this tired, at least not in a long time. Just as you reach your limit—when you are certain you are going to fail to leave all these people to get tragically smushed—there is loud cheering. Huh?

You force your eyes open. Floodlights. People. Ambulances. Reporters descending upon the lot of you, now that the danger has passed. You can finally breathe. You drop the shield and fall to your knees. 

Hmm. The ground is warm, and a lot more comfortable than you could have ever imagined. Your last thought before you blackout completely is a barely coherent image of cats rolling around on the warm concrete. 

-

All you can hear is his voice. 

For a second, the sound tricks you. You must be in your bed, at home. The heart monitor comes in second. A wave of nausea hits you as the disorientation sets in. You try to open your eyes but decide against it immediately. You don’t think your eyelids so much as fluttered, how could they when they weigh a thousand pounds each? 

His voice is what grounds you again, makes you feel more centered. You think you might even be able to tell which way is up. You can hear him but you can’t hear him. Your brain is much too full of mush at the moment to hear anything with clarity.  Everything feels sloshy; even still you attempt to move your hand towards the sound of his voice. As soon as you begin moving, his hands have met yours and his voice is softer. You still can’t hear him but you can feel him. His hands, as always, are hot and sweaty. You had always thought your hands were the hottest and the sweatiest, that is until you met Bakugou. 

“Ka-” you try to speak but your voice is much too hoarse from disuse. 

“Teddy bear,” you can finally hear him, “are you okay?”

You rumble in agreement and make a great effort to move your head in a gentle nod. He makes you regret agreeing all within a second. Now he is yelling and your eyes are all but forced open at the sound of it. 

“Katsuki,” you groan.

“What the fuck were you thinking running into a collapsing building, dumbass? You’re still just a fucking sidekick.” 

You huff feeling a little more like yourself the longer you hear him talk. “That’s just a technicality.” 

“Regardless, I…” Katsuki lets out a deep growl, “you fucking scared me, teddy bear.” 

“I’m sorry, Katsu” is all you can think to say as he cups your cheek and leans forward to rest his forehead against your own. You revel in the closeness, even the skin of his forehead is hot against you.  

“I hope you know you aren’t off the hook, idiot, but I am really proud of you,” the glare he fixes you with doesn’t match his words. 

You can’t stop yourself from beaming. 

-

“So, how much time before you get back to being that dumbass’s sidekick?” He asks as he spares a glance from the road to look at you leaned up against the window in the passenger's seat. 

“I should be good to go by Monday, believe it or not.” 

The look he gives you tells you he doesn’t. 

“I’ll call the doctor if you want,” you insist. You ignore the rush of nausea that hits you as you sit up and give him an indignant look. 

He rolls his eyes. He takes a hand off the wheel to push you gently back so you’re resting against the window again. You sigh in relief at the feeling of the cool glass on your cheek. You can see him worry his lip a bit before he bites out, “I believe you.” 

“Hmm I don’t know about that,” you start, “but, I meant it when I said me being a sidekick is just a technicality. I was a big hero before I ever came to Japan and met you.” 

He huffs. Regardless, he nods his head in agreement. He does know that you were a big hero. An annoyingly selfless one too, that’s what got you hurt in the first place. He doesn’t say anything more though, he’s happy enough to let you fall asleep with the words to some stupid song on your lips.  Even if he wasn’t driving he would be wide awake. Seeing you fall to the ground like that made him sick.                           

He shudders. He really thought he was ready for you to start hero work again, but… Seeing you like that was a lot to handle. Almost too much. He knows it’s hard for you too. You’ve had to watch him throw himself into danger countless times at this point. He hasn’t figured out how you handle the stress with such grace. He can practically see the look you would give him if he said that to you, he can practically hear your voice assuring him that the way you handle it is anything but graceful. Why is he imagining this conversation? He could be having it with you. It’s not like you’re dead or--                

“Katsu, you’re going to get wrinkles if all you do is frown all the time. You’ll look like my Grampy,” you laugh as his frown deepens, “Really, babe, what’s wrong?”

He replies immediately, “Nothing. We’re almost home.” 

“I know, but don’t think you can escape a conversation about whatever this,” you gesture at him vaguely, “Whatever this is.” 

He growls as he pulls into the parking garage for the apartment building, but he decides not to comment. Instead, he takes the opportunity to tease you and poke at your ribs as he helps you toward the door. 

Walking mixed with the impromptu tickle fight leaves you weaker than you thought you would be. You almost eat shit in the elevator when he lets go of you for just a second to punch the button to your floor. “Fuck, baby, are you okay?” He launched toward you as soon as you wobbled, catching you with his strong arms around your waist securely. 

You groan softly and bury your face in his chest as the elevator starts to move. “I am now,” you say muffled as you nuzzle your face against his pecs. 

“Perv,” he spits out, pushing your face away while still keeping an arm around you to keep you upright. He has to drag you down the hall to your shared apartment because you are so stubborn: refusing to be carried while being virtually unable to walk. He knows that’s a large part of why he loves you so his griping is lighthearted. 

He leads you to the couch and plops you down onto the cushions. “You stay here. I mean it. I’m going to make that dumb recipe your mom told me about,” he says. He turns shuffling off to find his apron. 

Your stomach turns, but this time in a much more pleasant way. He’s so fucking cute sometimes it makes you sick. Warmth settles over you as you pull the burgundy throw blanket over your shoulders and lie your head down on the scratchy decorative pillows. Everything feels a million times more comfortable now that you are comparing it to the impersonal feeling of a hospital bed. 

Well, now everything feels different. Hero work felt different. Talking to Nyx felt different. Waking up in a hospital bed too, didn’t feel as hollow as you remember. You know it’s because of the idiot you can hear maneuvering around the kitchen. He makes everything feel exciting, it’s nothing like before. The apartment is warm, and the couch is a lot more comfortable than you could have ever imagined. As you fall asleep for the first of many sorely needed naps you think of the yearly fireworks your town had as a kid and how alive you felt listening to them. In the other room, Katsuki sparks off a mini-explosion to light the stove.

[dazedbydazai]

Can i request about the (fem) reader x dazai and she has an ability to talk with spirits, ghost, dead People and one Day she ask dazai if he want to talk to oda face to face just a Scenario or headcanon anything You want 😁 and btw i really like your style of writting it's refreshing 👍💕

Ahh sorry this took so long anon :( i literally had to rewrite this 3 or 4 times before I finally somehow liked how it turned out. But I do hope you like it! ❤️

Warmth | Dazai Osamu

➤ Genre: Angst (?), Fluff

➤ WC: 1.4K

Dazai sat in the same old spot, at the same old bar, staring at his half empty glass of whiskey. It was one of those days where he felt extremely down and just wanted to drink his sorrows away.

He looked at his right and imagined his best friend sitting beside him, same drink in hand, as he chatted away about what kind of work Mori had him do that day.

Dazai would smile a little, remembering the good old days but his heart felt a slight sting as he realizes that he can't have those moments anymore.

But there is one thing that seemed to ease the pain in his heart. And that was you.

Ever since you started dating, Dazai could feel the weight on his shoulders gradually lifting. You were the light at the end of the tunnel and you showed Dazai that there's always a brighter side, a more beautiful side to life, which was somewhat similar to what his best friend told him. You were a ray of sunshine that enveloped Dazai in a warm and comforting hug. It was scary at first, to let another person enter his life and do so much to change it, but he couldn't deny that he felt relieved every time you were around.

And as he took one last sip of his drink, he knew he had to see you right now before he's tempted to give in to his dark thoughts.

A knock on your door wakes you in your sleep.

"Y/N?" You hear Dazai call out from the other side.

You slowly get up and open the door for him, letting him inside your small apartment.

"Y/N," He repeats your name, his voice barely above a whisper but you catch the slight distress in his tone.

You close the door behind him and when you turn around, he's crashing down on you, enveloping you in a tight embrace.

You were a bit surprised but returned the hug. You smelled the alcohol in his breath but didn't say anything about it.

Instead, you rubbed his back and asked, "Is everything okay, Dazai?"

There's a beat of silence before Dazai sighs and loosens his hold on you.

"Yeah. Just missing an old friend."

And you knew exactly who he was talking about.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You ask as you make your way to sit on the couch.

He shakes his head and opts to bury his face in your neck, arms wrapping loosely around your waist. You stay silent for a good minute before a thought suddenly hits you.

You slowly stroke Dazai's hair and pull away from him.

"I've got an idea," You say and Dazai just stares at you, confused. "Stay there."

You get up from the couch and move to sit on the coffee table.

And Dazai knew exactly what you were going to do as he sees a faint cloud of white smoke emerge from below you, an indication that your ability was activating.

"Y/N, you don't have to do this," Dazai tries to say but you just place a finger on your lips to shush him. And then your whole living room was engulfed in smoke.

Your body was still seated on the table but your spirit was already travelling to the other side.

"Oda-san?" You call out. It took a few minutes before you heard an answer.

"Y/N? Is that you?" You turn around and saw Oda sitting under a tree.

"Oda-san!" You wave at him. "How are you?"

Oda chuckles at your question. "I'm as fine as I can be. How about you? What are you doing here?"

"Well, someone else is not feeling good right now. So, I was wondering if you could help me out for a bit?"

Oda raises a brow but he knew who you were pertaining to.

"What did that suicidal maniac get himself into now?

Meanwhile, Dazai was just quietly sitting on the couch with his legs pulled up to his chest. It's been a few minutes since you haven't said anything and he was about to reach for your hand to nullify your ability but then a voice stops him in his tracks.

"Oi, Dazai," Oda's deep voice echoed in the small room.

"Odasaku?" Dazai whips his head to the side as he sees the silhouette of his best friend in the white smoke.

"Didn't I tell you to not cause trouble for Y/N?" He sees Oda crossing his arms but there's slight teasing in his voice. "What suicide method did you try to use now?"

Dazai lets out a small laugh. "The method of drowning in alcohol and self-pity. Although it didn't work out well."

Oda chuckles at that.

"Well, whatever it is you're thinking or feeling, you know you don't have to hide it from Y/N anymore, right?"

"Yeah," Dazai nods his head as he looks sideways towards you. "But I'm still scared, Odasaku. I don't think I could fully open up to her without hurting her along the way."

Oda sighs as he leans on the wall, his silhouette becoming a little clearer and more life-like.

"Y/N knows of your past. She's aware of the things you did. And even if she didn't know all the details to it, she won't judge you for it. This girl clearly loves you and is always willing to accept you."

"That's the scary part, Odasaku. She’s so good to me. I don't want to disappoint her. I don't want to hurt her," Dazai pauses for a second as he looks longingly at your face. "I don't want to lose her."

"Dazai," Oda reaches a hand out and a puff of smoke lands on Dazai's shoulder. "You're not going to lose her. I've talked to her a couple of times to know that she's not easily scared off. She's pretty strong, you know?"

"You two have been secretly meeting and talking behind my back?" Dazai gasps dramatically. "Don't tell me you're planning on stealing my girl?"

"Idiot," Oda scoffs and moves to smack him on the side of his head but the smoke just dissipates and causes Dazai to cough. "My point is, Y/N loves and accepts who you are. She wanted to get to know you more that's why she visited me a couple of times. And if that's not enough of a reason for you to trust her-"

Oda stops mid-sentence when Dazai chuckles. 

"I get it, Odasaku. You surely know exactly what words to say to convince me," Dazai smiles and this time, his eyes were shining and his heart was no longer feeling that awful sting.

"I am your friend, after all," Oda places his hand on Dazai's shoulder once more. "Take good care of each other, okay? I’ll be watching over you.”

Dazai nods and then he's reaching a hand out to you. He holds your right hand in his and the smoke immediately vanishes together with his late friend.

Your eyes slowly open and you yawn as you feel the exhaustion creep up your body – a side effect of using your ability.

"Hey," You smile at Dazai. "Did you have a good talk?"

Dazai nods as he raises your hand and kisses your knuckles. "Thank you, my love."

You blush as he rises to his feet and helps you up with him. He wraps his left arm around your waist while his right hand gently brushes your cheek.

"You don't know how much this means to me. To have you so close to me like this and to feel your warmth," Dazai leans his forehead against yours and closes his eyes. "It's the best feeling in the world.” And as he tells you he loves you; you no longer hear the tinge of pain and distress in his voice from before.

"I love you too, Dazai. So much," You close your eyes as well as you feel his lips brush against yours.

And before Dazai closes the distance between you, he whispers, "Thank you for existing."

To this day, Dazai never forgot his best friend's words of advice.

Dazai rarely talked about himself before. But when he's with you, he was able to be himself. He opened up to you and even let you see his most vulnerable side. That's how much he trusted you.

And from then on, he knew he would be happily spending the rest of his life with you by his side.

[oceanera12]

501st headcanons?

 Sorry, this took so long to answer: my work started back up! Hooray! But that means I haven’t been on my computer so...

Honestly, the 501st is harder for me than the 212th and I don’t know why so a lot of this was me just spitballing ideas and going, “Yes,” or “Nope!” so please forgive the lack of organization.

The 501st blue was picked out by Anakin because of his lightsaber color. The men like it too because of the major contrast with the white, unlike some lighter colors.

There was a Commander of the 501st before Ahsoka came along. Don’t know his name or anything, but let’s say he was a CC and he died early in the war. Like really early, which really stinks because he was training to be a Commander on Kamino and then he’s dead. So Captain Rex kind of took charge and everyone had a silent agreement the position would stay open out of respect for their fallen brother

Then Ahsoka came along and everyone approved of this small child so yay, Commander on deck again!

Rex headcanons!

Rex got his name for always winning King of the Hill (or the Kamino equivalent of it, which I imagine had to involve climbing up a ladder to the top bunk and fighting to remain on top).

Because of that, he got used to heights and has a pretty good head for high places (which is good since people really seem to like throwing him up, over, or down from high places)

Rex is the last surviving member of his batch

Everyone thinks the tally marks on his armor are for the number of battles lost or maybe won. Or maybe it’s people he’s lost or droid’s he’s killed. Or how many days the campaign has gone on for, each cluster being separate campaigns. Reality: it’s the number of times Anakin has come up with a stupid Skywalker plan and it somehow works. Rex started it as a joke, thinking it would only happen a few times. Now he just looks at them and thinks: “How the kriff am I still alive?”

Rex secretly likes the Coruscant Symphony (or whatever the Star Wars equivalent is) and will play the music in his earpiece on his breaks and before battles to calm him down or hype him up (depending on the situation. Usually calm him down because he is low-key panicking on the recent Skywalker plan)

Although Rex wields his twin DC-17′s, he is also a very good sniper. A fact that only a few people know so it’s very fun to watch the men’s reactions when he takes down a target from 1,000 meters away

Jesse and Kix headcanons!

Kix and Jesse first met as cadets when Jesse had to go to the med bay for an injury. Kix was there for some training and got to be Jesse’s “doctor”. They ended up bounding and would eat lunch together in the mess when they could.

Most people think Kix is Jesse’s impulse control. It’s actually the other way around. Jesse keeps a pretty level head and knows when to charge and when to stay down. Kix’s entire focus is on when a brother goes down and he will charge blindly into the fray to treat them. If Jesse wasn’t there to keep him put until it was safe, Kix would probably be dead.

Kix’s tattoo was a saying an old batchmate said a lot. Kix grew to appreciate it and had it immortalized on his head after that batchmate was killed by (you guessed it) a droid.

Jesse took a considerable less time deciding on his tattoo and was debating between the Republic cog or a shattered Separatist symbol. He ended up flipping a coin and got the cog. The reason the thing is so big was that he lost a bet-- and the winner got to pick how big to make the tattoo. Jesse ended up embracing it and putting it on his helmet.

Jesse and Kix got their tattoo’s at the same time. Kix would tell anyone that Jesse cried (which he didn’t) and Jesse would say Kix actually yelped or flinched with each prick (which he did). Most people believed Kix and thought Jesse was lying (since Kix worked with needles all the time)

When Kix has stayed up longer than forty-eight hours, Jesse will physically drag Kix to a bed and knock him out with a sedative. Once, Kix resisted so Jesse just knocked him out.

Kix is a better shot then Jesse. Jesse is better at hand-to-hand combat.

Kix grew out his hair in season 7 to hide the fact that he removed his chip (he didn’t have proof to what it was but he needed to study it so he removed it). Jesse never asked about the scar, determining that Kix would tell him when he was ready.

Hardcase, Dogma, and Tup headcanons!

Dogma and Tup were in the same batch. Hardcase unofficially adopts them as his little brothers (although Dogma acts older since he’s a bit more down to earth)

Hardcase has ADHD

Dogma has OCD

Tup started growing out his hair the moment he left Kamino and has only gotten trims off of it since. Dogma and Hardcase are the only people who are allowed to brush/touch it (After Hardcase dies and Dogma is... taken away, Fives is given permission)

Hardcase likes heavy rock music while Tup and Dogma are more classic rock.

Dogma is obsessed with the reg manuals (similar to Echo) and follows orders to the letter, something Hardcase and him disagree on a lot.

Tup is the peacemaker between the two and keeps the other from strangling the other.

When Hardcase dies, Dogma convinces himself it Hardcase’s fault for not following orders. Only later, after Krell shows his true colors, does Dogma realize it was Krell’s fault. Dogma shot Krell for Hardcase.

Dogma and Tup are allowed to talk to one another after Krell through communications and pending Dogma’s investigation. When Tup’s calls stop coming, Dogma panics a little thinking it’s his fault. Rex later calls him and tells him what actually happened.

Dogma takes the news as small mercy as he finds out the day before he’s sent to reconditioning. 

Fives and Echo headcanons!

Echo is Fives impulse control.

Echo has a habit of repeating orders even after he’s an ARC trooper. Of course, no one is allowed to call him out for it (except Fives)

Of the two, Fives is a better shot while Echo is better with hand-to-hand and battle tactics. Echo’s more practical while Fives is more emotional.

Fives has nightmares about Rishi. Echo’s the only one that can calm him down.

After Echo “dies” Fives has imaginary conversations in his head with Echo because he needs his impulse control.

When Echo comes back he has actual one-sided verbal conversations with Fives in his room on the Bad Batch’s ship.

Appo headcanons!

Did you guys know Appo was promoted around the same time Rex was? I like to think that was the moment Anakin realized Ahsoka wasn’t coming back to the position and he didn’t want to steal Rex from her soooo...

I’m guessing both Rex and Appo took the same “crash course in being a Commander” because of the short notice.

Appo and Rex didn’t get along very well on a personal level. But in battle, they were a force to be reckoned with. Which was why Anakin made sure they lead separate parts of the Battalion. 

Appo likes seafood.

And I’m going to stop there because DANG this is long.

[yukipri]

On the Baratie, Part 5 Epilogue - a One Piece Mermaid AU Text Story

Here’s the final part of the Baratie series!

Includes my personal headcanons for Thatch’s backstory in this AU (and possibly canon, as I doubt we’ll learn much more about him sigh).

WARNINGS (actual warnings this time):

＊Trigger warnings for non-graphic violence, gore, unwilling self-harm, mention of thoughts of suicide, and body horror. Canon-typical dark backstory.

Slight ship warnings for: minor Sanji x Luffy, Thatch x Luffy, hint of bg Sabo x Luffy, but not ship-focused.

Continues off of past parts!

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 1

👒🐟On the Baratie, Prologue

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 2

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 3

👒🐟On the Baratie, Part 4

~~

They've been traveling together for a while now. With more additions to the crew, Sanji's no longer the newest member. They leave East Blue, crossing over to the Grand Line. Their voyage continues onward.

Fitting into his role as the second cook of the ASL Pirates was easier than Sanji could have ever hoped, and he knows it's largely due to Thatch. Thatch, who, for all his incredible skill and titles and history, turns out to be...a remarkably normal person. It takes less than an hour for Sanji's awe over Thatch being his childhood idol to turn into pure indignation when the other cook professes his love for Luffy, and now their daily proposals to Luffy with food are just part of routine on the Merry.

(Sanji still knows his cooking is amateur in comparison to Thatch's, but none of their crew seems to realize, and Luffy eats all their food with equal gusto. Even Thatch himself only ever compliments Sanji, often with ridiculous faux outrage that Sanji's cooking looks better, which is absolutely false, Sanji would know. But even so, the man sounds so genuinely offended that Sanji can't help but appreciate the lengths the older man will go to in order to keep Sanji from feeling inferior.)

It's during a rare moment of calm, when the skies are clear and Deuce and Nami seem relaxed about their progress, when Sanji decides there's never going to be a better time to ask. He finishes washing the last of the pastry plates from the desserts the crew had just finished devouring (his hands momentarily pause on a plate that Ace had to pull out of Luffy's throat when she swallowed it whole along with the pastry, and Sanji allows himself a moment of imagining that the plate with her slobber is somewhat like an indirect kiss...), before he exits the kitchen to go to his locker.

From the locker, buried beneath gravure magazines of buxom ladies whose beauty will never compare to Luffy's, he pulls out a magazine far more valuable to him, the only one of its kind that he'd brought with him from the Baratie.

Back up on the main deck, Sanji finds Thatch sitting by the mast while watching Luffy and Usopp play with some new contraption the latter made. He looks up when he senses Sanji's approach, grimacing when the movement makes the wind blow his now loose hair into his mouth.

"I need a hair tie if Marco's not going to send me my damn hair wax," Thatch complains, even as he pats the ground next to him for Sanji to sit.

"You could always ask our lovely navigator," Sanji grunts as he drops down, careful not to fold the magazine, which Thatch has yet to notice.

"Ah, beautiful Miss Nami might have one, but her hair's pretty short...honestly more likely Deuce'll have one." Thatch sulks, because he'd really rather get a hair tie from a pretty lady, but as it is, Thatch probably has the longest hair on the crew at the moment, followed by their first mate. "If only our ladies had longer hair...ah, my darling Seastar with long hair..."

Sanji lets himself get drawn into imagining their most dazzling Lady Captain leaning against the rail of the Merry, sunlight sparkling off the waves in the background paling in comparison to her radiance. Her face is shadowed by her trademark straw hat, before she raises her head, causing long, silky strands to ripple around her like dark angel wings, glittering threads of black diamond dancing across her cheeks before she tucks them behind her ear with a small smile--

Both cooks sigh dreamily in perfect unison.

"Hey Luffy, they're thinking somethin' pervy about you again!" Usopp shouts in the background.

Both cooks ignore him, likewise in perfect synch.

Thatch regretfully pulls out of his Luffy Vision first. "So, you got something to talk to me about?" He knows it can't be about dinner, because they'd already started prepping for that.

Sanji blinks, and oh, there's Luffy, with her short hair, still just as lovely, probably doing something incredibly stupid and dangerous, but that's okay because Sabo's stepping in, and the Revolutionary may be batshit crazy but he won't let Luffy hurt herself--and right, he wanted to talk to Thatch.

He carefully brings the magazine out in front of him, and Thatch leans over curiously. The pages easily fall open to the column, remembering the page Sanji poured over countless times. Sanji hears Thatch's breath hitch.

"This you?" Sanji asks, looking at the faded photo of the smiling boy, before his eyes flick to Thatch.

The older man's eyes are wide, glued to the page. Sanji wordlessly offers him the magazine, and Thatch slowly takes it, his hands handling the paper carefully as though worried it'll crack.

"Yeah, that's me alright," Thatch murmurs, eyes scanning the column before his lips twist into a wry smile. "How the hell did you get your hands on this fossil?"

"Found it while we were looking for stuff for the Baratie's collection, some old second hand shop," Sanji says, and it's not a lie, but it's not like he can admit he was obsessed with them and actually hunted for them after obtaining the first ones.

Thatch makes a low sound of understanding, before he starts flipping through the rest of the magazine, pages that Sanji honestly doesn't even remember. "I wonder if this magazine's still even going..."

"It is," Sanji informs him. "It's changed a lot, but we still get it delivered."

Thatch laughs then, shaking his head as he closes the magazine and hands it back to Sanji with the same care. "I'm sure it has changed, after what happened, oh man..."

Sanji frowns. So something did happen.

"So how did the kid in this end up a Whitebeard pirate?" he asks, but he means, How did the boy's adventure end?

"Mm, you sure you wanna know? It's not a particularly nice story, though I suppose it has a happy end." Thatch leans back heavily against the mast, his hand subconsciously reaching up to brush hair away from his face, lingering on the deep, if old scar around his left eye. Sanji wonders if it's related.

"If it's something you don't mind sharing. I'm sure I can handle it."

They're interrupted by a crash, and look up to see Sabo heaving Luffy up back over the rail by the end of her tail. She'd clearly almost fallen overboard, again, but is laughing as carefree as ever, even as Usopp wrings his hands apologetically behind them. Sabo doesn't look mad though, and is stroking Luffy's hair now that she's safely back on deck and in his arms, his face disgustingly besotted.

Deuce and Nami come out of the cabin at the noise, and Ace and Zoro startle awake from their respective naps as well. Deuce takes one look at what's going on, and launches into a full blown scolding session for all three of the members involved, clearly dissatisfied with the way Sabo handled it. It had only taken the first mate a few days in his company before Deuce had determined that no matter how sensible Sabo may seem at times, he's still Another Stupid Brother, and therefore gets the same treatment.

The rest of the crew listening in winces when Deuce hurls a, "Luffy being stupid is one thing, but you're WAY too lenient with her, you foolish Revolutionary!" Nami and Koala cheer him on in the background.

("Told you," Ace mouths, before hastily looking away when Deuce's gaze snaps to him.)

Usopp looks thoroughly chastised and sincerely sorry, Sabo looks weirdly pleased as though being told he's lenient is a compliment, and Luffy looks bored and is searching for an escape when her gaze lands on the two cooks.

"Thatch! Story time?!" is all the warning they get, before Luffy's arms grab onto the mast behind them and the mermaid torpedoes head-first into Thatch's chest. It's a testament to the Whitebeard Commander's sturdiness that all he does is grunt at the considerable impact, even as Sanji winces in sympathy. That'll definitely bruise.

"Alright, yeah story time, if anyone wants to hear my boring old past," Thatch agrees, and Luffy cheers, turning herself sideways and flopping down on Thatch's crossed legs to look up at him with eyes sparkling with expectation. Sanji isn't even jealous, because in her new position, Luffy's thrown her tail across Sanji's lap, and he begins reverently rubbing circles into her soft scales, heat creeping up his cheeks when her flukes flick with pleasure.

Deuce sighs, giving up on his scolding as everyone gathers around the cooks. But he doesn't seem too disappointed, and pulls out his notebook as he joins them, as though he intends on recording whatever Thatch's going to say. Ace plops himself down on Thatch's other side, ruffling Luffy's hair distractedly and hiding his curiosity poorly. Sanji gets the feeling that despite knowing him for much longer, Ace hasn't heard much about Thatch's past either.

"Well, so..."

~~

Thatch was born to a middle class family in a relatively active port town on the Grand Line. His parents ran a modest diner, certainly nothing high class, but popular enough among the locals to almost always have full seats.

Thatch was what they called a "child prodigy." He'd started helping in the kitchen simply because he wanted to do the same things as his parents, but by the time he was seven, he'd already surpassed both of them in skill. His parents decided to leave the kitchen to him, while they focussed on management.

With Thatch behind the menu, the restaurant's popularity grew, drawing more traffic. Among their visitors were occasional food critics, who spread their business's reputation and made it something of a cult tourist spot.

When Thatch was nine, his father came up with the idea that it might be good publicity, for people to know that a literal child was behind their now famous restaurant's food. And in the name of said publicity, he also decided to have the restaurant officially under Thatch's name, although is parents still managed it.

"Child prodigy chef owns his own restaurant," was definitely a headline that journalists latched onto. The berries were rolling in.

Thatch himself, he didn't really care about that. He rarely ever left the kitchen now, constantly cooking, constantly coming up with new menu items, constantly training new chefs as their once small family diner expanded into a chain. He didn't really mind it, he loved cooking after all, but he often wished he still had time to talk to patrons, or explore town. While there weren't any child labor laws in their country, he couldn't go to school or make friends or do anything a normal child might otherwise enjoy.

So when the largest, most prominent cooking magazine sent a representative to talk about a potential column centered around him, Thatch was hopeful. He'd always dreamed of leaving the island, and it'd never seemed like an achievable dream. He wanted to exposure to new things to expand his cooking repertoire, and he wanted to be able to challenge himself as a cook--but more than anything, he also just wanted go and see what might be out there, outside of his diner's kitchen.

His parents reluctantly agreed. At this point, Thatch had trained enough experienced cooks, and their reputation was established enough that Thatch's temporary absence wouldn't damage them. And Thatch knew his parents were drawn by the potential for greater publicity from the column, and Thatch (and their restaurant) possibly becoming a household name not just on the Grand Line, but across the world.

(Thatch never thought his parents were bad people, or even bad parents. He hadn't wanted for anything, and they let him pursue and nurture his passion. That they were business-minded, and had also come to see Thatch as an asset and publicity tool was something he understood. They still loved him, in their own way.)

His parents' only condition was that Thatch return in a few years, before he was fifteen. A "child prodigy" becomes less interesting with age, and eventually becomes "a normal adult." They wanted Thatch back before that, to reestablish his connection to their diner, before he inevitably faded out of public interest, or had to re-establish his identity as an adult cook.

And so at eleven years old, what seemed like the entire town saw off Thatch, who set sail on a small ship manned by experienced sailors, and chaperoned by the journalist who would be documenting his voyage.

For the first two years, the journey was everything Thatch had ever wanted. They would go to new islands, information provided to him by the journalist, and then he would be given free reign to do whatever he wanted, so long as it included food and cooking, which is what Thatch would have been drawn to do anyway. That there were always a handful of adults a few paces behind him, documenting everything he did and forcing him to voice his thoughts out loud, all eventually faded into the background. Thatch got used to voicing his inner thoughts for their benefit. It was hardly a chore, and Thatch was having the time of his life.

But all things eventually change. Due to the success of the column, Thatch's journalist was given a promotion, and the last stretch of his journey before Thatch was to return to his home island was assigned to a new journalist. Thatch had always known that their relationship was strictly professional, and was used to changing traveling companions at this point. It felt a bit lonely that the first journalist, the only person who had remained a constant, was leaving...but he understood.

It's just business, after all.

The new journalist replaced the old one, and their journey continued--or at least, it was supposed to.

Child!Thatch, adult Thatch would later think, was remarkably naive and sheltered for all that he was a veteran cook. He was used to having things being laid out in front of him on a neat platter, for the adults in his life to control all aspects of his life, conveniently convincing himself that it's what he wanted anyway. He was used to the adults taking care of all the details, because all Thatch had to do to make everyone happy was cook. He not once doubted those responsible for his life, and blindly trusted that they would keep everything smooth and safe for him.

Because when one day, thirteen-year old Thatch woke up to see red staining the walls of the cabin, and then looked around to find the corpses of everyone else on the ship strewn around him, it took a remarkably long time for him to process that this definitely wasn't what was supposed to happen.

He was disoriented, too numb to even feel panic or put up a fight when the new journalist came in and tied him up to pass him to the pirates who had decimated the crew.

Pirates. It wasn't the Golden Age of Piracy yet, and although the Roger Pirates and other famous names were often whispered about, most sailors didn't expect to personally run into pirates. Thatch had been warned of their existence, but hadn't really thought much on them, as they had seemed irrelevant to his own peaceful civilian adventures.

The pirates and the journalist had a deal, he gathered. The pirates had wanted to get their hands on the famous child prodigy cook, and were willing to pay good money. The journalist had agreed, and had summoned the pirates to their location. Everyone but Thatch and the journalist had been killed to erase witnesses.

Before handing Thatch off to them, the journalist demanded payment first. Thatch remembers wondering why the journalist hadn't demanded anything before agreeing to the deal--it seemed a bad business tactic.

Thatch was standing right next to the journalist when the pirate captain drew his sword. Thatch wasn't scared, because he knew he wouldn't be hurt. He was an asset. And he probably knew what would happen before the journalist did.

He still remembers feeling the whoosh of air as the sword came, the sound of it hitting flesh, the dull thunk, the loosening of the arms gripping the rope that held Thatch bound.

Thatch thought ah, so human heads can be severed just as easily as fish heads.

Thatch didn't put up a fuss, going with the pirates. It was clear he couldn't have stayed on the ransacked ship, because even if he did, he had no way of manning the ship alone, even if he even knew how. And so he wordlessly followed, and continued to do what he'd done his whole life: obey adults.

And at first it wasn't bad. A kitchen was a kitchen, no matter how dirty, and Thatch knew how to please people with food. The pirates seemed overjoyed with Thatch's skill.

But some part of Thatch really wondered if that's all they wanted from him, and that bad feeling manifested itself as reality soon.

Hey brat, the captain said one day, and dumped a sack of ingredients Thatch had never used before into the kitchen. Turn this into something good. We need to get rid of an entire rival crew, and they're gluttons.

Thatch may never have used them before, but he recognized the things in the bag. They were all things he knew to avoid.

The pirate captain was asking him to make poison.

Thatch was a cook. No matter the reasons why people wanted him to cook, no matter who benefited and what money was passed around, and no matter how terrible the conditions--Thatch was alright so long as he could cook. Thatch cooked so that he could make delicious things that would in the end, contribute to nourishing people. He polished his skills to make that experience better, to make his patrons happier, to make himself feel more accomplished as a result.

Poison...that wasn't something that a cook could make.

Thatch, for the first time, spoke back to an adult. He felt that numb feeling again, over any fear.

I'm a cook, I can't make anything that can harm people. Please let me start preparing dinner. Thatch stated it as fact, and to him, it was.

The pirate struck Thatch. It was the first time he'd ever been hit, because as a child prodigy, as an asset, he'd always been too valuable to damage. But now...

You'll make it, or we have no need for you.

Bars were added to the kitchen, making it Thatch's cell. All edible ingredients were confiscated. And every day, the pirates came in with more ingredients, more demands.

Make an aphrodisiac. Make a date rape drug. Make something that'll make someone lose feeling in their limbs. Make something that'll cause loss of senses. Make something that'll cause crazy hallucinations. Make something deadly, but undetectable in water. Make something that can dissolve guts from the inside out. Make something that won't kill, but cause excruciating pain. Make something that WILL kill, but only after several days.

The pirates didn't want a cook. They wanted a master poisons brewer. Which, Thatch was not.

Every time Thatch refused, they beat him. They threatened to cut off his legs, because why would he need them, when all he needed were his hands? They threatened to carve out his eyes, and the captain stabbed a knife close to his left eye to show how serious he was. They left Thatch with running water, but didn't give him anything to eat, other than the deadly, horrible ingredients they'd left inside the kitchen for him to turn into even worse poisons.

Thatch sorted the ingredients by those least harmful, and kept himself alive by reluctantly eating those first, but knew that the longer this continued, the more permanent and fatal the damage those ingredients would cause.

(He tried to come up with ways to use what he had to nullify effects, but he was just a kid, and it was his first time trying to make actual medicine. His experiments were risky, and often failed.)

Thatch didn't know how long he was in there, his sense of time and self muddled as he survived off of numbing agents and aphrodisiacs and hallucinogens. They barely kept him alive, and made him feel horrible. He tried to remember why it was so important he kept eating them, and rationing them like they were valuable.

In the corner of the kitchen was an ever growing pile of bright, beautiful fruits that he knew would cause immediate agonizing death...but they looked so lusciously juicy and ripe, and it was getting harder to remember why he couldn't eat them.

Perhaps it was the hallucinogens, perhaps it was everything wrong with his body that Thatch had unwillingly caused himself by eating, but one day, Thatch realized he was going through the movements of peeling those fruits, chopping them, squeezing the juices and watching with fascination as they sizzled into the bubbling pot he was brewing. He was too entranced by the concoction to even notice that his hands were burning and blistering, or perhaps they were just too numb.

He added spices, adjusted heat, and hummed. It had been too long, since he had cooked.

Except he wasn't cooking, because this wasn't food.

It smelled quite delicious, Thatch thought, mildly impressed with himself. Something tropical and fruity, mellowed by mushrooms and a great many other herbs. And it looked aesthetically pleasing, with its dancing, hypnotic colors. If he hadn't known what had gone into it, he'd consider it presentable to critics as his next seasonal special.

But now that it was done, and ready to be served, Thatch had no clue what to do with it.

He hadn't thought that far (he wasn't thinking at all), and didn't know how to think about the thing he made, when it wasn't edible.

He supposed he could possibly see if it could melt through the bars of his cell, though he wasn't sure where he'd even go if he could escape. The cell didn't have any windows, and Thatch wasn't even sure they were at an island, they could still be on open water. Thatch might be able to throw it on a pirate, as a weapon. But there were dozens of pirates on board, and not nearly enough for all of them.

He could drink it himself. It would be an escape of sorts, he supposed.

It never crossed Thatch's mind to offer the concoction to the pirates, as a creation to be used.

He stood in the kitchen for hours, aimlessly stirring the pot, watching the brew get darker and darker, its magical colors turning into murky brown. Eventually, it became a thick, black tar-like substance that reflected no light, that looked like a void as Thatch stared into it.

A thin gray haze gradually began filling the room, and Thatch was well aware of it. He was already starting to feel noticeably worse than before. He supposed that was one way of giving himself a time limit: he'd either decide what to do with the brew, or succumb to the fumes first.

He distantly heard muted sounds overhead, and he realized the pirates may be fighting someone. It happened once in a while. But it was usually with other pirates, and he doubted it was the marines, and no civilian vessel would dare get close to such an obvious pirate ship. And well, if it was pirates...that's just more of the same, wasn't it?

Thatch eventually heard footsteps approaching the room, and someone coughing as they inhaled the fumes, now dense enough to be a dark smog that made it hard to see his own hands (or maybe that was the effect of the poison in him).

A creak--the cell doors were opening.

Thatch could barely think anymore, but made a split second decision. He didn't know what the consequences would be, but had a hunch he wouldn't survive long enough to find out anyway, so what did it matter.

He picked up the pot, and hurled all of its contents at the approaching figure.

There was a FUCK! and then--

Thatch won't ever forget what happened when that brew hit a human body.

But as he fell, the last of his strength gone, wondering if he should feel horrible or proud that he killed someone on his way out, Thatch saw the room light up, the black haze vanishing into searing, brilliant turquoise flames.

~~

"And so that's how I met Marco!" Thatch says, voice surprisingly chipper, even though Sanji feels like retching.

"You melted him," Ace says flatly, voice a mix of horror and awe.

"Sure did, if he had been anyone else they probably woulda been a puddle of human goo, and even he got halfway there," Thatch agrees, his hands stroking Luffy's hair harder, as they'd been doing all throughout his story telling. "Though lucky me, to have thrown poison at possibly one of the only people in the world with instant self-regeneration and possibly immortality."

"Was he mad? Pineapple bird-man. Melting doesn't sound very fun," Luffy frowns. She'd admittedly fallen asleep for most of the story, but woke up again when Thatch's hands in her hair got more tense, more urgent. She contentedly nuzzles into his thigh, more interested in making sure that Thatch's alright than in his answer, and she purrs when he crooks his fingers to scritch her reassuringly.

"Oh sure, he was mad for a little bit, but he's a nice guy and was a worry-wort even back then, so he brought me to Pops. And well, it took a while, but we're best buddies now and have been for years! Fancy that."

Deuce was shaking his head. "I still can't believe that stupid crew wanted to take down Pops with poison of all things, and were stupid enough to enter his territory without it even being ready."

"Well, it's not like they could have won in direct combat, and to be fair, back then the Four Emperors weren't that established, and territories in the New World were a lot looser than they are now." Thatch shrugged. "If nothing else, it was a creative angle, if a poorly thought out one, unlike some people's way of challenging Pops." Ace fidgets uncomfortably here, and Deuce snorts.

"You..." Sanji's finally recovering from his queasiness, because fuck Thatch's tale really wasn't pretty, especially from a cook's perspective. "You don't mind fighting, and killing people now?" He glances at the swords strapped to Thatch's belt, and thinks about his own insistence to never use his hands in combat.

"Well, I'd prefer not to do it, same as anyone else. But I don't mind fighting in general, and once Pops adopted me, I wanted to be able to defend myself." Thatch laughs here, and it sounds bitter, making Luffy look up. "Haruta actually suggested I use poison, if I knew how to make one that could almost take down the Phoenix, and, well...that's a no. May have thrown him overboard for that, but he deserved it. I told them I was good with knives, and Vista helped me develop my own style."

The conversation moves on then, the other crew members chipping in with questions, but Sanji sort of tunes it all out. He thought he was over his queasiness, but it's back again. Being forced to brew poison, and being offered nothing but harmful things to eat...fuck. Even Judge hadn't done that...

He feels something wrap around him then, and Sanji looks down, and realizes that Luffy's looped her tail so that her flukes curl behind his back, securely holding him, even as she continues to nuzzle Thatch's leg for attention.

How weak he must be, Sanji thinks, to need his captain's comfort now. But it helps, and he gradually relaxes.

Eventually the others realize that the story's over, and disperse back to their usual tasks, leaving Thatch and Sanji and a snoozing Luffy curled around both of their laps.

"Well, I guess that explains how the boy prodigy's journey ended," Sanji says, reaching over to Thatch's side to run his hand through Luffy's hair, smiling when she hums happily.

Thatch makes a soft sound, that sounds like possibly disagreement. "Well, sure, I ended up joining the Whitebeard pirates, and never ended up going back to my hometown. Everyone thought I was dead anyway, and being on the Moby was better than any restaurant for me, because I got to feed my brothers and travel, at least wherever the Moby goes, and that's still a fine adventure in its own way. But I guess you're right in that with a territory and a literal army backing me up...it's not quite the same kind of adventure, without the trill of the unknown."

Thatch looks up then, and when his eyes sweep across their little ship, and the small crew strewn about it, he looks fond. "But I guess in a way, that's what I'm doing now, isn't it? I may no longer be a 'boy prodigy,' but me traveling with you guys, going back up the Grand Line...it's sorta like that journey again."

Sanji blinks.

"The end of that journey...maybe you're on it with me, right now." Thatch winks.

Sanji snorts. "That's so cheesy," he says, but he doesn't meant it, not really, because he can't deny the giddiness that begins welling up in him at the thought.

Because what adult doesn't still have a child inside them, buried underneath layers of years, still craving those wishful dreams from long ago?

There's a moment of silence, before both cooks break out into laughter, carefree and boyish.

And so their journey continues onward.

~~

~~

Aaand that's a wrap! For this lil story series within this ever growing AU at least!

It may be a cheesy ending, but it still feels like an ending of sorts? which, is something I usually never actually manage to write to, everything I write is usually either short or abandoned....so I Feel Accomplished ^ ^;;

If you managed to get through it all, thanks so much for reading and sticking with this!!!! ;A; I’m definitely extremely curious to know if you have any thoughts regarding my take on Thatch's past, or anything else, because as always any comments are HUGELY appreciated!

Thanks again!

❀ ❀ Send YukiPri an Ask! ❀ ❀

~This ask has been added to the Mermaid AU Text Headcanons Compilation post~

[rosealine-bishop]

Greaseball Headcanons

Okay so, @marastriker and I were talking last night about some GB headcanons. Not all were happy. But Im of the strong belief that no one starts out being the way they are and that their circumstances change and make them the way they are. So, playing off of that, here are some headcanons I've got about GB. (Some HCs may be familiar because they're also on this post here since they and I also were talking about other things and got to talking about potential kids and how GB & Dinah + Electra & CB would be as parents)

Anywho, I've talked about the background long enough, let's get to the main post.

(Might make this a two parter because it genuinely gets so so long)

(also @sweet-dining-car this is the post I mentioned)

TW: abuse, alcoholism, death, violence

So, for starters, GB wasn't always the way he is now. (Even now he actually deflects and has created this persona of a meathead who can be a total dick, but genuinely he's just a soft and nice guy at heart) Back when he was a kid, he actually was the cutest and sweetest kid out there. He was always so nice to all the other trains, and acting as a protector for all of the other trainlets (even if he was the runt of the litter. He just wanted to be like his favorite super hero: Captain America)

He would always be seen trailing Poppa or getting the most upset and doing his best to cheer up Poppa whenever he was having a bad day or looked even the slightest bit upset.

On that same note, Momma to him was like a second mother and both her and Poppa were the perfect relationship. (yes in my HCs Momma and Poppa exist together and same for the Hip Hoppers and the Rockies)

Unfortunately, at home, it wasn't as good as he could imagine it was in the train yard. At home, his dad was the biggest homophobic and toxic masculine guy you can image. A raging alcoholic with gigantic anger issues. He would constantly beat GBs mom and sometimes GB too.

His dad believed that BECAUSE he was the runt, that constant abuse would make him stronger. GB used to be the biggest cry baby but through years and years of abuse, would learn to hide it and "be a man"

His mother would sneak in some vinyls she managed to get for GB of Elvis or Frank Sinatra or anyone else she could find and she would help him hide everything when his dad would get home from work.

GB has always had a soft spot for dining cars because his mom worked close by them and he would sometimes visit her at work when he was way younger.

GB isnt actually straight. He's bi but represses it and hides behind the toxic masculinity because he made the mistake of telling his dad when his dad had a good week and he was almost beaten within the edge of his life. (and since that day, the abuse towards him was actually way worse)

GB would hide any of the abuse behind clothing and sunglasses and a cool guy persona. He would use it to deflect and pretend that nothing was wrong at home.

Eventually when GBs parents split (which was close to him turning 18), his dad managed to convince the court that his mom was unfit to be a parent. (Him and his mom talked about it before and agreed that in the end if the court asks GB his opinion on where he wants to live, he would choose his dad and then go find her when he turns 18. Because that way it would be best for the two of them)

So, at 18 he left without telling anyone and went to go find his mom. However, he never did and in fact found out about the fate of his mom from a phone call, telling him that she was found beaten to death. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what had happened.

GB actually blames himself for his mother's death, but like a good son, uses whatever money he had earned to give his mom a proper burial.

When he has to go back to get her personal belongings, he takes all the photos and rips his dad out of all of them and hangs them around his small one bedroom apartment. He even managed to find some old recordings of his mom singing and some old home videos. (he cherishes those and will play them when he's sad so that he never forgets his mom. and in a way he always has a part of her with him)

He actually is really good at metal working (thank you mara for this headcanon) so he uses his skills to make his necklace from one of his mom's old earrings so she's always with him and in a way that necklace becomes his lucky necklace in all his early races.

Speaking of races, his first race outfit wasn't the best quality at all. He didn't have much so he created the whole outfit from scratch and he actually used to hide his face no matter what, behind a poorly made train helmet, to hide from the risk of his dad finding him.

The longer he was away from that situation, the more he actually would hide behind the early version of the persona that he has now. He's always idolized Elvis and he holds a spot close to his heart for the singer, that he started slowly changing his appearance to look more like Elvis.

He started working out so he would never be seen as weak ever again.

Eventually, he made a big enough name for himself that he would get interviews on TV every now and then and that's how his dad found out about him still being alive. At first it didn't really click in his dad's head but the moment GB started speaking, his dad knew exactly that that was his son. (Yes he sounded more like Elvis but a father never forgets his son's voice)

So, his dad, as an anonymous donor, asked a young CB to crash GB in the next race. CB, not one down to turn down money did just that. And yes, that whole interaction had put GB out of many races and caused him to pawn off any and all belongings to pay for his hospital bills because any small sponsor he had managed to get dropped him.

(No one wants damaged goods)

and while GB is back to normal, he every now and then when he's super stressed, will feel his bones aching, like a phantom injury and he will start limping slightly because he never fully healed from that.

But now that he knew about CB would go to him and ask him to throw races in his favor, sometimes paying in sexual favors, sometimes in actual money. Because otherwise, he felt like he could never be at 100% and would always lose any race after his accident.

He needed the sponsors and money so he would do anything to get back into the top contenders.

He has major daddy issues that he and Dinah have discussed before. She's probably the only one who knows about GBs true past (aside from Pearl and Poppa and Momma)

Because of his trauma, he actually hates hearing even the word "daddy" so one night when CB accidentally lets it slip during one of their sexual encounters, GB slaps him. Thats the only time GB would actually hit anyone.

On that note, GB actually wont ever truly hurt anyone. For all he knew, Rusty actually did crash and all the damage was from that crash. He had no idea the Diesels roughed him up.

But one night when him and Rusty talk and he finds out about what actually happens, Electra has to get his components (namely Krupp and Killerwatt) to hold him back as GB unleashes hell and yells at the diesels. Like there is pure murder in his eyes.

Yes, sometimes GB hurts other trains during races but after every race they get an anonymous donor paying for all the repairs and a letter along with it with a long apology and flowers. (Dinah helps him spell check it)

GB has only cried twice since he was a child. Once when he found out his mother died (and thats the only time he would turn to alcohol. Otherwise he swears off of it completely) and second when he found out Dinah was pregnant.

GB is 100% terrified of thunderstorms because it reminds himself of his old living situation. Often times you can find him hiding in the closet or under the bed, pillows over his ears and under many layers of blankets.

He would actually be one to collect Squishmallows and other stuffed animals because he never got to as a kid. But whenever he gets any stuffed animal, Dinah names them. However, when his kids are born, he gets matching squishmallows with Norma Jean and Presely and names them after his kids. (Thats probably the only time he gets to name any stuffed animal)

GB actually really really loves Dinah. On the yard he may be this dick towards her but the moment he gets home he apologizes to Dinah profusely and will do anything she wants to make up for it.

He would NEVER do anything to hurt her and when she's pregnant will go above and beyond to be there for her. He even went to Dustin to ask for advice and tried to ask him to keep the fact that Dinah was pregnant under wraps (unfortunately, Dustin, being the sweetie that he is, cannot keep it under wraps and eventually the whole yard knows. Poppa actually gives him some of the best fatherly advice.)

When he finds out that Dinah is pregnant, however, he has multiple night terrors about his childhood. He becomes extremely scared that he'd be like his dad and both Dinah and Poppa reassure him that he's nothing like his dad. That in fact, he has more of his mom in him than he realizes. (Dinah even says he looks more like his mom than his dad, even though GB doesnt see it. She's also not one to admit that she actually knows that its true. She's seen a few ripped up pictures in the trash of his dad back when GB and her first started dating.)

Dinah is actually the one who helps GB compile all of the pictures of GB and his mom into a photo album. This photo album eventually has pictures of Dinah and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean and GB and then Dinah, Norma Jean, GB and Presely. So its just one big happy book about everything right in his life.

One day, he even finds Norma Jean decorating it and Norma Jean, being the little kid she is is worried that her dad was going to be mad because it looks like he had a bad day at the yard and she just touched something that he cherished, even if she was trying to make it pretty, but GB actually tears up at it because its the cutest thing he's seen and now that book is just that much more special to him. He actually gets the whole family to do hand prints on the back and then sign their name underneath (with an addition of him writing "One Big Happy Family" underneath it all)

_________________________________________________________

Okay okay this has to be it for this post because there are just so many more headcanons and I wanted to end it on a happier note. So if anyone wants to know more I'll create a part two but for now this is what we've got because good god is it long.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

this ask = open invitation to ramble about why you love monitor trinkett! (i totally get the Falling For A One-Off Character thing)

eheheh ok buckle in

first of all i have to just give the disclaimer that a fair portion of this is my own headcanon/conjecture (i actually lowkey want to email in to the BF podcast about this at some point, haha), so. yeah. TARDIS Wiki has like. two sentences in their database about her lol

i have SO MANY reasons for loving Trinkett tbh? i mean i do have the natural tendency to get overly attached to side characters so i'm just automatically predisposed to meet a cool side character and go "i want that one". i really don't know what initially made me latch onto her tho, just that it happened and now i have a small fixation.

because Trinkett is a protector. not in the way i always write about with other characters; she's a very passive protector and that's absolutely fantastic. she's a security monitor -- not a security guard, a monitor, a computer person. she watches and she listens and she works behind the scenes and in the background (i actually have a ton of meta about this bc i worked as a computer person at a church for several years and it's a very interesting role to be in, you learn a LOT doing stuff like that) and she does whatever she can to help. she's a protector in the background and a helper when people need it but she's basically the least deferent character ever? she's in a rather passive role, like i said, but she's incredibly assertive and her disregard for authority is on par with Leela's (more on that here in a sec). she's openly annoyed by the Time Lords -- in fact, if i remember right i think she snarks Vansell to his face which is like. a power move if i ever saw one.

actually, basically everything she does in the latter half of the audio is a power move?? sassing Vansell and other Time Lords, jumping right into the action despite only having very minimal combat training.. she heckin takes Guard Commander Reldath's* gun from him and starts shooting Daleks, like an absolute girlboss. but also she's very respectful of Evelyn and almost a bit protective of Romana? literally what is not to love tbh. she doesn't even like the Time Lords but she sees their homeworld getting invaded (after her own has been nearly destroyed) and is like "k cool give me a gun i'm killing some pepperpots". and this is AFTER she thinks her homeworld has been destroyed.

on that note!!! we know Archetryx does partially survive, but in Gallifrey: Appropriation there's a scene where someone mentions a Chancellery Guard named Trinkett in Commander Reldath's attack group, which would imply that she decided to stay on Gallifrey for some reason?? my headcanon (which will be explored in one of my current fic WIPs) is that bc of the way Archetryx and Etra Prime collided, the capital city and a lot of that half of the planet were largely destroyed and with it everything/everyone Trinkett knows, so like... what's she got to stay for, right? plus she and Reldath were instant bros (tho at the end of TAE i got the impression that Evelyn shipped them sdjhgdshg XDDDD) and she kinda formed an attachment to Romana, so.

which begs the question, or actually two questions: 1) why the heck is she never mentioned in the Gallifrey series aside from that one namedrop, and 2) how come we never hear about any of the type of controversies with her than surrounded Leela as an offworlder on Gallifrey, especially since Trinkett isn't there by marriage? answer for #1: i have no clue but i would imagine it's probably the same thing as with why they never mention Rodan -- they just straight-up forgot. answer for #2, which is a lot more headcanony: basically my take on why, based on what very little canon evidence we have about all this, Trinkett apparently slotted into Gallifreyan society much better than Leela, is essentially that she's better at blending in. she fits more naturally because of her cultural and intellectual background, and also because of her role being somewhat in the background on Archetryx -- even with her inbuilt disregard for authority (and Time Lords) she's just far more the type of character who's able to fade into Gallifreyan society far better than Leela every could.

and now, my last and greatest headcanon: you've read LTBM so you know my whole thought about Leela following Andred around while he's on guard duty and pestering him. well, the thing is Andred is the same rank as Reldath and if Trinkett stays on Gallifrey and winds up working under Reldath... it's not much of a stretch to imagine Leela and Trinkett somehow meeting at some point, and bc of all the aforementioned stuff -- scorn for authority, very assertive personalities -- obviously they would hit it off instantly. (Andred and Reldath: oh rassilon no now there's two of them)

aaaaand now my brain just completely crashed and i cannot word any longer haha, but thank you for enabling me to ramble!!!! i have so many rambles in me and someday i will find ways to express them all

*Reldath is actually kinda important in Enemy Lines lol AND APPARENTLY LEELA KNEW HIM so like.... yea this fits with all my headcanons this is why i need to write a fic

[rwriting]

the last victim // sayu yagami (deathnote)

description: gosh, i love sayu yagami so much. i have so many headcanons for her –  it’s a little embarrassing… i really wanted to write this piece! it’s post canon with a few dark themes. i’m of the opinion that sayu’s a character with so much potential, so little of which is explored in the canon. hoping you all enjoy! 

word count: 1.6k

content warnings: light yagami (ha, ha…), implied self-harm, self-hatred (?), the term psychopath (ableism), magazines being gross, sibling and parent death, bullying… sorry, i know that’s quite a lot to bear with. please take care of yourself!

 Breathe.

She’s trying, she really is.

Breathe.

Her hands spasm and reach for her throat.

Breathe.

She forces her hands to her sides.

Breathe.

She opens her eyes.

Sayu Yagami stares at the ceiling of her apartment, head fuzzy with… she wants to say the remnants of a dream, but perhaps a nightmare is closer to the truth. She can’t quite remember. Besides, her waking, no matter the night she’s experienced, is never pleasant. It always involves too much breathlessness, too much begging, too much… emotion.

Sayu feels torn about that. Too much emotion. It seems weird to think that she could be overwhelmed with emotion, when she spends so much time simply without it. She’s not sure what is worse: drowning beneath the waves, or feeling as if she’s dying of thirst.

Maybe I deserve them both, she thinks. It’s a recurring thought – she can never be rid of it. It sneaks up behind her, holds her hand. Offers comfort, somehow. There’s a reason for this, it whispers. Sayu thinks she likes reasons, likes logic, likes… explanations. That’s understandable, they all say. You want to know how one of your own hurt so many others.

I don’t, thinks Sayu. She doesn’t know if it’s a lie or not. How odd to not even know if you yourself are telling the truth.

Desperate not to get stuck in a loop of contemplation as she’s prone to (she’s spent days like this before; lying in bed, pondering and pondering and pondering), she swings her legs off the bed and plants them on the cold, cold, floor. The sensation of the frozen tiles and the jolt they send through her is oddly pleasant; it’ll prevent her from falling back to sleep at the very least.

A quick walk to the bathroom and she considers herself fully awake. Well, as awake as she gets; too many days of hers are spent in a daze, a state so distanced from reality she can hardly call it a state of being awake. A state of dreams and disillusionment.

She takes in her face in as she stares at the mirror. For a terrifying moment, her eyes gloss over her own reflection as if there is nothing there – as if it the face of someone else, or simply a smudge. Or a ghost… she thinks, and smiles in spite of herself. A ghost. That is what she feels like so often, floating from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day… or place to place, though she rarely leaves her home. The high rise apartment with its large windows and intimidating staircases isn’t exactly comforting, but that doesn’t mean she’s not enamoured with it – obsessed with the way it makes her feel. The way it makes her feel. Calm, mysterious. Like she has a plan. Like him.

She focuses once again on the mirror, on her reflection. All her features are accented, more obvious, more vivid. No. All of his features are more accented, more obvious, more visible, no, wait, all of a sudden they’re the only ones there, and he’s here in the mirror, she can see him, she can touch him, she can let him out!

The mirror cracks as Sayu’s fist makes contact with it, the sound loud and unforgiving. Unforgiving also is the gift it gave her – an open wound, leaking blood. She watches the blood trickle slowly, dripping down into the sink. She doesn’t bother to wash it away. Somehow, to do so would feel like a betrayal. To what, she’s not sure. Maybe she wants evidence. This happened. Or maybe it’s to do with the blood – maybe she considers it proof her existence, her being, her living.

There are other ways to see that blood you know…

The thought is not so much a thought as a temptation; a beg disguised as a calm offer. No, she thinks sternly. She almost wants to say it out loud, but there is something sacred in the silence. Even her footsteps seem more quiet than usual, the sound of her bare feet not muffled by socks but just by the air itself.

Her feet take her away, to kitchen, where she reaches up to a shelf, to grasp in her hand (the one free of blood) a small medical box, filled mainly with bandages and gauze. She tends to her hand, and for a few seconds wishes she had someone to do this for her, with her. It’s a bad idea, a bad thought. Not only is it a foolish longing, but it leads to a reminiscing; an unearthed memory which she wants to hold dear. If only it weren’t so tainted.

Her knowledge of how the memory will make her feel, her warning to herself – none if it seems to help, to stop it as it takes shape in her mind. She’d have been eight when it had happened. She’d planted some flowers on her windowsill and had cut her hand on one of the small terracotta plant pots. Downstairs she’d gone, tears welling in her eyes. And there he was, washing his hands in the sink, turning to meet her with a small smile on his face. Okay, what’d you do this time?

She’d stuck out her hand to show him, and his eyes had widened almost imperceptibly. That looks a little serious, Sayu. Despite the pain, she’d stuck out her tongue at him cheekily, at which he had offered a slight grin. Alright. Sit at the table and I’ll tend to it. Even at eleven, he’d had a presence – a sort of commanding aura which made one want to heed his words, hold them close. Obey him. She hadn’t though it dangerous then, it was hard to think of it as anything but now.

My brother. It’s the only way she can think of him. His name… his name invites too much. Personal effects gone through, a computer dragged away by two men in suits. And headlines, so many headlines. Who knew how the press got hold of the information; who cared. All it mattered was that she could no longer see his name - in her mind or written on paper – without every article she’d ever read crashing down on her, words, words, words. Genius. God complex. Misguided youth. Psychopath. Saviour. Killer. Kira. That one hurt almost as much, despite how impersonal it was, a moniker started by… who even knew? The internet was a cluttered, anonymous, graveyard and, beyond that, a mystery. Who cared enough to track down the first person to gift her brother with this title, to find them out?

She thought of this annoyingly often. Maybe if her brother had been given a different title, no title at all, things may have progressed differently. It was so, so foolish. She knew this. It sounded like a time traveller’s pathetic attempt to change the future without destroying the past. Pathetic. The word repeat itself a little in her mind, echoing.

There were articles on her too, of course. Complicit? they said, the question mark seeming more for show than anything else. Yagami sister involved in killings? Imagine that. Her, an accomplice to the Kira killings, and not questioned by the great detective L simply because he thought her young and girlish. Complicit… the word reverberates and she questions it, pulls it apart. Was she complicit? Did she know of her brother’s actions before they were revealed in the news? She was more observant than anyone gave her credit for, but Light (LightLightLightLightLightLightLight) ‘s change in demeanour could have been down to any number of factors, including adolescence, or even his father’s work. Our father’s work, Sayu corrects herself. He belonged to both of them. And now he belonged to the earth.

I lost you both, Sayu thinks. Although she’d previously envied her father and brother’s strong sense of justice, now she felt quite thankfully to not share it. In a way, it led them both to their deaths. One at the hand of the other.

As she looks out the wide window of the apartment, she feels lonely. There are a few precious memories involving both her brother and the night skies, but they’re not what evokes this emotion. Seeing how much there is out there, the bright lights of all the other people living lives like hers, makes her realise how few people there are in her life. She’d maintained no friendships from her school or university, nor her bonds with her mother. Not that the former had many any effort on their own parts – any interest displayed in her was as ‘the sister of Kira’. She could recall so many times, the insensitive questions, the pulling of her hair, the tearing of her clothes. They’d scream at her.

Did my uncle deserve to die, you stupid girl? Did you agree with your brother? Did you go to sleep every night knowing what he was doing in the next room? Did you care?

Her own thoughts, both then and now, are a mirror.

Did my brother deserve to die? Did you disagree with him? Did you wake up every morning to watch the news and fear for your life? Did it scare you?

They’re ugly thoughts, but anger doesn’t need to be beautiful. Neither does justice.

And there’s no justice, she thinks. There never was.