#First of all • Composition! The fact you were even able to fit this many people onto one canvas is an impressive feat

[vpofcookies]

Please tell us more about characters assigned rocks 👀

Oh no my trap card! long post time!

Okay, the rocks that I assign to characters depend on a lot of different factors (mostly vibes), am I planning aesthetic matches? eg. rubies and garnets for technoblade? Narrative matches? eg. gypsum for dream? Character matches? vibe or function? eg. feldspar for techno, muscovite for phil? The result is a pile of different rocks assigned to each of my special little guys, some with more uhh tenuous connections than others.

Let's go over the rocks I assigned to the syndicate (+dream) and why:

First up, Technoblade and K-Feldspar:

This is one based mostly off of vibes. It's one of my favorite feldspars and Technoblade is my favorite guy. And orthoclase feldspar, or K-feldspar, is PINK.

But I am nothing if not able to make explanations for things that were initially just based on vibes. Let's look a little beyond, shall we? Feldspars are known for being very structured in the sense that they have two defined cleavage planes at 90 degrees to each other, making rectangular blocks with irregular ends. Techno, to me, is the pillar of support and structure to his friends, so a cleavage pattern that reflects that is fitting. (in contrast, I think Ranboo's character could be represented by obsidian, which is glass-like). Beyond that, feldspar is the most common mineral in the earth's crust, making up about 60% of the crust. In terms of Technoblade, this could represent his impact on the mcyt community, his character's role in driving many major plotlines, or if you like the old immortals hc, a lasting impact on the world throughout history. (If you like the old immortals theory, please consider pairing feldspar techno with olivine philza! Olivine is a green mineral, the most abundant in the upper mantle!)

A couple other notes: K-feldspar is pink because it has iron mixed into it, but it's named for the high concentration of potassium. Potassium is also known for: exploding! Also. It's PINK. But, generally I do tend to associate feldspars with Philza instead of Technoblade, because feldspars are what makes moonstone and labradorite, and I tend to associate moon and star mythos and symbolism with Phil.

Philza and muscovite:

I know I just wrote muscovite, but I was thinking of fuchsite, which is a chromium-rich muscovite!

I can't really put a finger on why I feel that muscovite fits Phil so well, but I think the micas suit him. Maybe it's something about how they used to use Mica to make windows (Muscovy glass, from Moscow, gives muscovite it's name!), and I feel that Philza's builds and character act as windows into rich worldbuilding. Maybe it's something about the fact that micas are made of many many layers and Philza adds a depth to each of his characters (and even literal layers with the colorzas). Muscovite is generally clear and reflective, while biotite micas can be dark enough to be black even in thin sheets. both suit Phil in my opinion, but the inclusion of alluminum in muscovite sometimes gives it a metallic sheen. It can be thin and transparent sheets, but it's still durable and versatile as a material. Maybe that reminded me of how people always see Technoblade as the warrior, but Philza has been known as a survivor for just as long if not longer.

Connor and Ocean Jasper:

I'm going to be honest. I know nothing about this guy.

Ocean jasper is blue. He's blue. What more is there to say?

Ocean jasper, or orbicular jasper, is a pretty rare stone! The main reason I assigned this to C!connor, other than the color, is that from the little I knew of his character, he was still somehow everywhere. That sums up my understanding of jasper pretty well too! It's a silicate mineral, defined more by its crystal structure than its composition, but some people still just call it chalcedony or quartz, and jasper is everywhere with lots of varieties! It reminded me of seeing all of C!connor's appearances with his normal skin and all the time traveler theories. The same Connor under different names, the same quartz under different names.

Niki Nihachu and Rhodochrosite:

This is the one I feel fits the best, actually! Yes I did initially think of it because it's pink, but Rhodochrosite is an extremely cool mineral and I think the fact that people think of it as "just pink" reflects perception of Niki's character compared to her true depth.

Just look at the versatility of it! From crystals to roses to speleothems. Rhodochrosite has been used for manganese, which is used in steel and aluminum alloy production, or to concentrate silver. In both cases the process is destructive and creates a lot of byproducts, which reminded me of the hurt caused to C!Niki through the revolution, and the way she was spoken over and ignored after. Another aspect of rhodochrosite is that it generally forms in hydrothermal veins. High pressure formation conditions to create this beautiful mineral reflect, to me, Niki's arc of finding herself again.

Ranboo and Snowflake Obsidian:

I think any obsidian fit's C!Ranboo well, but you know I had to choose snowflake obsidian because it's black and white.

Ranboo's fragmented memory made me think that a fracturing material would be a good fit, and obsidian has the properties of glass. It is also not lost on me that obsidian forms when magma or lava hit water. However, snowflake obsidian forms through the process of devitrification (vitri-, like vitreous, meaning glass-like), where glasslike substances become crystalline. The white material is cristobalite, a silicate material that forms at high temperatures. What this means is that snowflake obsidian is not as glass-like as other types of obsidian, just as Ranboo's memory loss is not exactly what it first appears to be either.

Dream and Gypsum:

Gypsum, in some forms called selenite, is a pretty well-known mineral. However, many of the forms are known under different names so people do not realize that they are all the same mineral.

Gypsum can form roses, clear selenite, reflective satin spar, the sands of white dunes, rock, crystals, and more. It's used in construction, to make chalk, to make buildings, to analyze mineral thin sections, to measure hardness on the Mohs scale, and to charge crystals by those that believe in spiritual properties of minerals. I see these many different forms as parallels to Dream's many faces on the server, real and perceived. Many different names given to different forms of the same person. I think the many used of gypsum also reflect the perception of Dream by the rest of the server. Gypsum is attributed power by some (is Dream the most powerful villian on the server?) and use by geologists and builders (Is Dream a way to get the revival book? Is he an ally?), but one of the main qualities is that it has a very low hardness, and is very easily broken. Is the role and name assigned to Dream, by others and by himself, more than he can fulfill without breaking?

[dr3smile]

This is gonna be a very long post and I'm sorry for it.

The reason why so many people are comfortable talking like this about Daniel is because of Zac, Andrea, Jenson, and all the 'big names' that openly and harshly criticized Daniel.

The moment Zac started trash talking Daniel in front of the media he opened the door to the nasty and jealous assholes to follow in his steps.

You don't hear anybody from Alfa Romeo taking about Bottas the way Zac talked about Daniel, I don't remember anybody from Alpine trash talking Fernando every time he DNFed, and he did a lot, or when he refused to do PR or him not being able to win even though he's a 2 time world champion.

Nobody is criticizing Nico because no one at Haas said a word about his performance.

It all started with Zac and Andrea, after that the boundaries that exist between criticizing a driver for not being good and publicly harassing and insulting a human being that you don't know we're broken.

I'm a huge DR3 fan and I can admit that Daniel didn't perform as expected while he was at McLaren but to put the blame solely on him is ridiculous for the simple fact that if he was the problem McLaren now would've been fighting for 4th in the championship not for p17. They've been having problems since Jenson and Fernando, then they had one ray of hope when Carlos got his first podium with them and thought that they are now back at being the historical team they once were completely ignoring that they need to rebuild the whole team from scratch, and instead they laid all of theirs and their fans unrealistic expectations on Daniel, who just drove for Renault and put them higher in that season's championship.

Daniel become then the face of the team, promises were made by Zac and Andrea but instead of backing him up and giving him a car that fitted his style to give him a chance to show his abilities they fucked him up.

One thing that Daniel is and will always be known for is his late breaking yet his car at McLaren not only was not adequate but it penalised him every time he broke later making him go slower. So people started saying 'oh Daniel Ricciardo is exposed because he can't adapt to a new car' but how can someone change their entire composition, mentality and a decade of knowledge on how to drive fast cars that are able to win 7 Grand Prix and multiple podiums? Isn't it the job of a team to follow the style of their drivers? Yes drivers have to adapt but to demand a full 180 from someone because you're not arsed to changes is delusional.

So in conclusion is not that people have more faith in Nico and believe that he's somehow better than Daniel is that so far no one from Haas have yet giving them a reason or the permission to criticise him.

I hope this makes sense and apologize for any mistakes but English isn't my first language.

OMG Thankyou for this. This explains everything so well. You put everything into words I couldn’t come up with.

The whole braking thing at Mclaren is still an issue to this day so it’s clear they didn’t take any feedback Daniel gave them into action. They just blamed it all on him. Who are they going to blame this season? They’re not going to blame the golden child and they can’t blame a rookie. It has to fall on management.

[fayewonglibrary]

The Queen's New Voice (2001)

Overall evaluation: Turning decay into magic

Final score: ★★★★

I liked Faye Wong's last album "Fable" very much because it had depth. I like "Faye Wong" [2001] because it is pop enough. Without Zhang Yadong, Faye Wong's new album is a great departure from the past. Even if it is mainstream, it still manages to be elegant. And it is able to turn decay into magic.

"Faye Wong" [2001] is a very good album. So good that some who are searching for profound messages are unwilling to accept this fact. The first song "Wings of Light" can be a shock to everyone as soon as it opens. The chorus is particularly exciting, which makes people want to dance in the dark. It's as if Black Panther of yesteryear has returned with a manifesto that lends itself to this Internet era, full of vigor, youth and power.

The first hit song plugged on the radio, "Color Blind", is also a super nice song. Unlike "Wings of Light", "Color Blind" is like the kind of graceful and melodious Cantonese songs that were popular in the 1980s and 1990s, with a minor-key style of lingering beauty. Faye Wong hasn't sung such a nice song for a long time since "Promise". Maybe she is afraid of ruining her reputation of being "high-end", but Faye Wong's gentleness has always made me recall her with fondness. I secretly think that Faye Wong's level of singing is not inferior to Teresa Teng. Now that Faye Wong does not avoid mainstream songs and sings in Cantonese again, it is really a joyous occasion for listeners.

The most outstanding singles in the entire album include "Night Date", "Idiot", "Wandering Red Dancing Shoes", "One-Way Street" and "The Queen's New Clothes". Throughout the album, the exquisite lyrics are particularly striking. The lyricist Lin Xi wrote 9 songs and his quality level is still the same. Among them, the lyrics of "One-Way Street" have the brilliance of Luo Dayou and Bob Dylan. The words full of compassion and philosophy make Faye Wong "sing like a wandering poet". In terms of composition, "Vertigo" written by Nicholas Tse, is just mediocre. The best part of the whole song is the title and the rest is ordinary. Wu Bai, Tanya Chua, San Bao, and Chen Xiaojuan are all good, but not as outstanding as Kubert Leung ("Wings of Light", "Passing Years") and Keith Leung ("Color Blind").

The 15 songs have a coherent overall feeling. Even if some songs are not the best when listened to on their own, they fit in as a part of the album as a whole. Only by listening from beginning to end can you experience the different flavors.

In the last song, "The Queen's New Clothes", the queen Faye Wong boldly sang that as a queen, if she misjudges a man, "just think of it as buying the wrong clothes" and "there is always someone who is attentive in the store". Awesome. It seems that our queen has found a new life in a new voice.

-Dou Wanru

——————————————————————

AMBITIOUS

Overall evaluation: Refreshing

Final score: ★★★☆

After a whole year away, Faye Wong has once again become the center of attention in the music scene with her new album "Faye Wong" [2001]. It is evident that Faye Wong has really put a lot of effort into the production of this new album. She learned a lesson from the previous album in which she was too ambitious. She no longer put an over-emphasis on personal creations, but established a personal team to achieve the goal of diversifying her music direction by inviting creators from all over the world to create songs of different styles for her. Many hands make light work. The new album has indeed taken a step forward in production compared to "Fable", and it has a refreshing atmosphere.

The opening grunge song "Wings of Light" brings a great surprise to the audience. Faye Wong made a breakthrough in her intrinsic style. She no longer habitually used falsetto in the high notes, but completely opened her throat to shout, which complemented the violent distorted guitar and it became the most shining highlight of the whole album. The most unsuccessful collaboration among the various elite composers was "Vertigo" created by Nicholas Tse. Faye Wong lost her spirituality, personality and wildness in this song, and it was completely mediocre. This makes people wonder whether there were human factors in the selection of this song?

Faye Wong is undoubtedly one of the most individualistic female singers in the Hong Kong and Chinese music industry today. Although she is a queen-level figure, she still strives for breakthroughs in every album. This spirit is awe-inspiring. This attempt with the new album should also be considered a success. However, the breakthrough in her own style is still surface-level, which is obviously due to considerations of the commercial market. This is likely a shame for all mainstream singers in Hong Kong. But Faye Wong is always a name worth looking forward to. Although she can sing some karaoke songs that make people feel a wide-range of emotions, we have reason to be full of anticipation for her next album, not only because of her voice, but also because of her ideas and her ambitions.

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SOURCE: SINA ENTERTAINMENT // TRANSLATED BY: FAYE WONG FUZAO

[topknotstrunk]

Review Everything 29 - Knock at The Cabin

I don’t know why, but I feel embarrassed when I tell people I really like M. Night Shyamalan movies. Like, have they all been great? No. But they’re always interesting. I think about Lady in the Water often and The Village is one of my favorite movies. Knock at the Cabin was an interesting experience. One of the things I like about Shyamalan’s movies is that the twist, the end, is difficult for me to guess. However, I don’t know if Dave Bautista’s affable idiot with good intentions he plays in the MCU tricked me into reading Leonard as also an affable idiot intentions or what, but I bought that the strangers were being honest about what they saw and that their visions were true pretty much right away. At first I thought, “Well what if the twist is that they’re right?” And then I thought, “That feels too self evident to be a twist. I wonder if there’s another, different zag that’s gonna come along.” I knew one of the husbands was going to kill the other, since so many of the shots they’re in separate them visually. Like the strangers were meant to go to the cabin and save the world, the husbands were meant to be parted, by the language of the way the film was shot. I like stuff like this, where the visuals of the film inform the story.

Leonard’s head serving as the visual barrier.

Seated beside each other but not near each other by the strangers.

Also in the shots of them in the car when they’re singing to the family’s song Wen is between them, in the middle back seat, and after the parent visit scene when Eric stays inside to talk to Andrew who’s wandered out onto the stoop after his fleeing parents. Andrew lingers outside while Eric goes back in to take a phone call from his mom. There’s a bunch of scenes with this visual separation, these are just the ones I’m able to remember off the top of my head the day after watching the movie. Smart film making, I like it!

The scene where the Husbands were in China waiting to adopt their daughter, looking at a mural of Jesus playing a game of soccer with some kids, and Andrew telling Eric he can pray and Andrew won’t judge him, that’s when I suspected that Eric was going to be the one to die. Religious people often become martyrs in stories like this.

So, predicableness aside, I found the movie to be engrossing. It was tense, the strangers were all interesting and played well, and the tight framing on the faces in the beginning of the movie was intimate in a way that was super uncomfortable and fitting for the scene. I found the shot compositions to be visually pleasing throughout the movie, with a few particularly cool shots like the tracking shot of Leonard’s tool as he slashes down at Leonard with it. Some of the CG from the news scenes looked a little hokey and dated but it wasn’t a huge distraction.

It was neat to see two Queer characters be in a horror movie and not have the fact that they’re Queer be a thing played for laughs. When Andrew went to town on Redmond during the initial break in scene I said to my partner, “Oh, he knows what he’s doing. Look at his stance.” And then you get the scene of the assault in the bar and the clips of the training he took for self defense as a result. I like that these characters were written in what feels like an informed way, including Queer trauma without making that trauma out to be a special. When Andrew is screaming about “They’ve always hated us.” I felt that.

I also liked that there wasn’t a lot of decriving the characters. You’re just supposed to pick up who and what kind of people they are through the story, and then later, in the bar scene were the Husbands are listing each other’s faults and in Eric’s final statement, when it’s suggested who people are you as the viewer agree. Of course Eric is a bit of a stick in the mud, duh Andrew has an anger problem, you’re right Adriane is nurturing, even in this fucked up situation.

SPEAKING OF. The four Horsemen of the Apocalypse thing makes so much sense. It felt a like it was kinda tossed in there at the last minute, but here’s how it breaks down:

So the strangers are there to save the world. That means that they’re not actually the four horsemen, they’re inverted representations of them.

Adriane is a cook, she feeds people. She represents the invurse of Famine.

Sabrina is a nurse, she saves lives. She represents the inverse of Death.

Redmond was a hateful man who professes to have changed, and one who sacrifices himself instead of being a fighter, like he used to be. This one is the least believable one for me, but the stretch is that he represents the inverse of War.

Leonard is a leader, but one who is gentle, kind, and puts caring about others before all else. He is the inverse of Conquest.

Something I can’t puzzle out is the grasshoppers. I haven’t read the novel, so they might just be a hold over from there, but I don’t think so. Even after the scene where Wen meets Leonard we keep seeing them around in different shots. I know grasshoppers can symbolize good luck but I don’t feel like anything anyone went through in the “now” of the movie was good luck. Unless you wanna count having to shoot your Husband preventing the Apocalypse. There’s also the “pureness of man when seen from above angle” from the Bible but the Christian version of religion doesn’t play that strongly into the various faiths presented as important in the movie. I mean the one time we see Jesus it’s an admittedly goofy mural and the tone that Andrew uses when telling Erik he can pray without judgment seems like a joke. Erik doesn’t say he sees an angel or Jesus standing behind Leonard, just “a figure”. Maybe it’s more of a Jiminy Cricket angle, implying that the coming strangers are being honest and have clear consciousness? But I don’t think that applies to Redmond? I dunno.

In Summary: Good movie! I don’t think I’ll be watching it again but I enjoyed the time I spent with it, it was a thrilling thriller, and a good outing from a director I like.

Overall: 6/10 [Click the link here to see how my number system works.]

[dangerous-advantage]

Ranking the Best Video Game Soundtrack of All Time*

ehm.

by all rights, i should not be taking the time to do this. it's finals week, i have an essay due by midnight, and i have fifty other things to do related to my current hyperfixation.

there is no audience for this. nobody here cares about my opinions relating to video games or their soundtracks. all this does is serve as a reminder to my mutuals that i am, in fact, back on my bullshit (and also never stopped.)

(thank you guys please i swear i'll write something relevant to my current hyper fixations eventually, but for now, here this is instead.)

i present to you: my ranking of the original plants vs. zombies soundtrack.

i could talk about a lot of things pertaining to why i am doing this, but i've decided to not do that, and leave at, simply: pvz is one of my all-time favorite games, pop cap deserved better (fuck you ea) and if you haven't played pvz, i highly recommend the $5 computer version on steam (that and also peggle. play peggle right now.)

anyways, generally people will explain their criteria and stuff but i am basing this off of vibes alone. i'll be linking the songs via the images, so hopefully you can click on the images and be able to hear them.

(i would also recommend you listen to these songs, even if you don't read through this, because you deserve it. yes they're that good.)

without further ado, let's get into it.

1. Crazy Dave [Main Theme]

(Note: Plays during main menu.)

Though my ears have been dulled to this song via the many times I've listened to it, one cannot deny the instant recognition. Anyone who has played PvZ knows this song.

As you click the petals off of the flowers in the main menu or watch the lawn grass roll open across the loading screen, it plays. Embodying the ideas of PvZ as a concept. This is not just a simple tower defense game, despite what one might think. It's a masterpiece. And this song embodies that masterpiece.

The melody is short, but familiar. Jazzy and intriguing, but light. Playful. In it, we only begin to see the genius of Laura Shigihara's compositions. It's basic, but catchy (especially the end part -- you know what I'm talking about.)

Final Rating: 6.4 brains (out of 10)

2. Crazy Dave's Greeting

(Note: You guys know when this plays. And if you don't, it's when your neighbor, Crazy Dave [as seen above] is talking to you. Now go play the game.)

This is criminally underrated in the way of PvZ music. I know it's technically nothing more than a sting, but I'm trying to be thorough, and not including it feels wrong.

It's simple, barely eight seconds, and plays behind Dave as he talks. And yet, despite that, it's so incredibly snazzy that you can't help but bop along to it. That, as you already know (or will soon see, proven over and over again) is simply a testament to Laura Shigihara's creative (and lone) genius. My only complaint is that I wish it were longer.

Final Rating: 6.73 brains (out of 10)

3. Choose Your Seeds

(Note: Plays as you are choosing your seeds. What else is there to say?)

Admittedly one of the weaker tracks, if only for the repetition. It isn't terrible and fits the mood of what is happening fine, but can be irritating if you let it play too many times over. Not something you would loop just to listen to. It does, however, hype you up spectacularly for the upcoming level music (especially on "boss levels," but we'll get to that.)

It's a simple piano, reminiscent of the main title track, with a slow, dragging feel. It doesn't rush you, or demand attention. It just stands by as you frown at your seeds and plan your upcoming strategy with the seeds you can pick. In endless mode, this track becomes your friend -- a moment of relief within the madness.

Final Rating: 5.7 brains (out of 10)

4. Grasswalk

(Note: Plays during first stage of game, levels one through ten -- "Day." Alternate version, 'Grasswalk [Horde], plays when "a huge wave of zombies is approaching.")

Did you expect to hear the announcer groan, " The zombies... are coming..." at that one specific part? Could you hear it in your mind but not in your ears? Of course you could. It's ingrained into your very bones, isn't it?

This track starts out fine. Good, even. It's simple, plodding. Something to put on and nod your head slowly. It doesn't demand too much attention. It knows you're just starting, or just coming back, and are getting used to everything, and it lets you. It allows you to.

But it builds, too. Slowly. Enough for you to barely notice, to think, "Hm. I wonder where this is going." And then, that part hits, dully cementing the greatness of this song. It's just long enough for you to look forward to hearing it again, breaks up the repetition. And you think, "This is pretty great! If all of the songs are like this, I think that would be pretty cool!"

And then the rest of them are better.

Final Rating: 6.9 brains (out of 10)

5. Victory Jingle

(Note: Plays when you win a level/obtain a new seed packet.)

Again, technically not a song, but how could I not include this? When that last zombie falls and you've just planted that last plant to make perfect, symmetrical rows of plants, bopping proudly to the earth's heartbeat, and you click on that new seed packet -- could not think of a more perfect jingle than this.

It's light, energetic, but final. It's a smug, proud thing, tilting up your chin as you think, "Heh, that was easy," or "Hell YEAH I fuckin' SURVIVED that!" Either way, it feels deserved. It's also probably something you would want to learn how to play on piano, just because it's such a cool little sting. There's no reason for it, you just like it.

Final Rating: 9.4 brains (out of 10)

6. Loonboon

(Note: Plays during fast-paced mini-games, such as wall-nut bowling [as seen above. Apparently inspired by Metroid, Laura's cat, zooming around the house.)

You know it. You love it. It's there, bright an energetic, as you line up your shots to take down as many zombies in a row as you cam (who doesn't love the satisfying sound of wall-nuts crashing into zombies?) Not much else to say, really.

I will say: this soundtrack, while not the most anxiety inducing (don't worry, we'll get there) does certainly fill me with a sense of manic, potential energy. A lot of the other soundtracks are more chill, even the energetic ones, but this one is fast-paced enough that you worry you won't be able to keep up.

Final Rating: 7.5 brains (out of 10)

7. Moongrains

(Note: Plays during the 'Night' level stages. Alternate version: Moongrains [Horde] plays when, y'know. The zombies are coming but more worryingly.]

We all remember our first time, being introduced to the night levels. The horrible realization that, oh shit, sun doesn't fall from the sky? Crazy Dave, are you sure about this?

This track feels like PvZ at night. There's no other way to explain it. It's a sneaky track. For tiptoeing. As you fall into the rhythm of the new play style and begin to fall in love with the new repertoire of shrooms and other fungi offered to you during these levels, this song allows that level of mysteriousness and excitement that you come to expect from PvZ. Glorious.

Fits right along with the night-time plant ambience, my favorite of which being the crumble of gravestones being digested. That, or the sound sun shrooms make when they grow up. (Though, who could forget, the disco theme.)

Final Rating: 7.59 brains (out of 10)

8. Watery Graves

(Note: Plays during the pool stages (day). Alternate version, Watery Graves [Horde], plays when, um... you should hopefully be able to figure it out by now. It's also a complete fucking banger, btw.)

Ah, the pool levels. Just when you had the hang of the night levels, too. Personally, when I think of PvZ level tracks, this is the one my mind returns to. It's just so good. Adding those lower, 'doo-doo, doo-doo' undertones as it builds into the FUNKIEST piano you will have ever heard. You bop your head, thinking, wow. And then it's not even done! It keeps going! It stays new and interesting through the entire time, with its unique vibe, but also that mysterious PvZ vibe that carries through all of the songs.

Honestly, this track is just phenomenal. I can hear that "ding! ding! ding!" in my head just by thinking about it. It has a tropical vibe, almost, which makes sense. Also, lowkey reminds me a bit of Sunflower's song (you know the one.) And the light percussion... just a masterpiece all around.

Nothing but good things to say about this track. Absolutely spectacular. One of my favorite levels to play, strategy-wise (and plant-wise! Some banger plants here, top ten (not bought) plants come from these levels.) I don't even want to move onto the next one yet, just want to keep listening to this on loop.

Final Rating: 9.3 brains (out of 10)

9. Rigor Mormist

(Note: Plays during the pool (night) stages, also called the fog levels. Here's the alternate Horde version.)

The fog levels. Incredibly terrifying to me as a child, still innately horrifying, but less so because I'm really good at this game now. I would still honestly say these are my least favorite levels, but I might just be biased because of my childhood fear.

The song, though? You hear Moongrains and think, yeah, that's PvZ at night. You hear this and think, haha, I'm in terrible danger. You watch the fog quietly encroaching, and even though it's not worth it to invest in plants that would light the way and is probably better to just guess and pray, you want to. You make sure to always have enough sun in case you need to pull out the Blover that you probably should have switched for a more practical plant with the excuse of "balloon zombies," but you know the truth.

You'll be fine, right? I mean, sure, you're straining your ears and hoping that you get enough Cactus plants down (which you also shouldn't have invested in, but you're driven by fear) before you hear the first "fwoosh" of a balloon going up when you hear this godforsaken sound and it's fine, everything is fine. I mean, it's not like it can be any worse than this, right?

Final Rating: 8.7 brains (out of 10)

10. Stage 4 / Level 10

(Note: Where it gets worse.)

PvZ is by no means a horror game, (despite the zombies.) This is also not a song. In fact, this is the only level in the game almost entirely devoid of music. The only things you hear are the zombies, fog level ambience, and the rain. After playing the level enough, it becomes easy. Simple.

But that first time. The shocking lack of sound. The darkness taking over the screen. It's such a well-done bit of atmosphere. Calming, but simultaneously terrifying. The more zombies that appear and the longer the seconds between flashes of lightning...

Usually, level ten of each stage is accompanied by a certain soundtrack (which I'll get to later) that's bright, upbeat, and energetic. It feels victorious. You were expecting that, but now you realize, it would feel out of place here.

Final Rating: 9.68 brains (out of 10)

11. Cerebrawl

(Note: Plays on certain mini-games, such as the "I, Zombie" mini-games. According to Laura, it plays on the more "cerebral" levels.)

Don't have much to say here, but this bop doesn't need my platitudes. It can stand on it's own two feet just fine. Needless to say, this track fucks. It falls right on that line between spooky and funky that Laura has perfected. Plus, it's in one of top favorite mini games (along with several other bangers, such as "It's Raining Seeds," "Beghouled Twist," "Zombiequarium," and others.)

Final Rating: 8.5 brains (out of ten)

12. Graze the Roof

(Note: Plays during the roof levels. Here's the Horde version.)

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT TF IS UP!! GodDAMN, have I been waiting for this one (and you have, too. Don't lie to me.)

By this point, you're wondering, "Wait, there's more? We've done both the back and front lawns, and night and at day? What else could possibly be left?" And then it pulls out the roof. And with it comes Graze the Roof.

It's a culmination of everything you've grown to love about PvZ, but more. This track is so good. Laura does not fuckin' MISS, and this song? With these levels? The Roof levels are some of my favorites, and the music is a big part of that. I mean, also, obviously, the gameplay, but like. Come on. It's so damn good. Hell-to-the-yeah.

Final Rating: 9.72

13. Ultimate Battle

(Note: Only plays during the tenth level of each stage, the "final stage" of each.

If you've gotten to this point, you've probably been waiting for this. Actually, let's be for real: everybody has been waiting for this. When you get to the tenth level of stage one and this comes on, it's like you've been remade. The world will never be the same again. Because this music exists, and now you've heard it.

This track is the reason I replay the main story levels instead of just focusing on endless. I actively look forward to playing the tenth level because of this track. I will go back and play through each stage just so I can get to this point and play the conveyor belt levels.

For one glorious level, you don't give a shit about strategy or sun. You take the plants they give you, put 'em on the screen, and watch huge swathes of zombies battle your excessive amounts of plants as this BOP plays in the background. It's literally amazing. Thank you, Laura. This is... beyond words.

Final Rating: 100,000 brains (out of 10)

14. Zen Garden

(Note: Only plays during the Zen Garden mini-game.)

Calm before the storm here. Just a nice, chill song, for a nice, chill mini-game, that's actually more rewarding than most other "zen-garden" games I've played. It's just... nice. Calming.

Final Rating: 7 brains (out of 10)

15. Brainiac Maniac

(Note: Boss battle music.)

As @gamer-guy2873 in the comments section so artfully puts it: "Everybody gansta til the note is written in cursive with proper grammar."

This is a culmination of vibes, having fully pulled away from that spooky feel to a more energetic, active feel. You're gonna fight this guy. You've been training for this the entire time. And you get an absolute banger to do it with.

The more energetic feel plus the softer, more "smooth" sections brings the roof vibe together with the original vibes presented to us during the very first levels. In a lesser song, these sections would clash. But this is no "lesser song." No. This is art.

Final Rating: 9.89 brains (out of 10)

16. Zombotany (Unreleased Track)

(Note: Unreleased track. You probably haven't heard it before, and it's great, so go and do that!)

I feel like we were robbed. Hello? Hello? This is excellent. The lighter, funky feel, with the spy-esque undertones behind it? I would have loved this, playing PvZ as a kid. I mean, I do now, so I definitely would have then.

The fake-out starts and stops? The little bits of off-key notes? All arranged into this masterpiece. The little bits and peices of audio effects weaved within it? Man, this is just amazing, honestly.

Final Score: 9.6 brains (out of 10)

17. Zombie on Your Lawn

(Note: Roll credits, bitches.)

That's right. We're here, finally. Done. If you've slogged through this (or skipped over if for fear of having to spend an inordinate amount of time reading through a post about plants vs zombies/accidentally opened the read more, not realizing the level of commitment required), good job. This song serves as both a thank you and also end, which is fitting.

What can be said about this song that hasn't already? It's excellent. All of these songs are excellent. Watching the music video after defeating Zomboss was truly an experience my seven-year-old brain was not equipped to handle.

I love this game. Maybe it's nostalgia, maybe it's the music, maybe it's a lot of things. But objectively, these songs are amazing. Go check out Laura and support her if you can -- she's over on Twitch at supershigi, if that's something you're interested in.

Anyways, it's three in the morning here. I'll check for mistakes when I'm less dead. For now, let's end this already horribly long post.

Final Rating: 9.8 brains (out of 10)

(*in my opinion)

[cornedbread]

Sweet bamber how do I even express my appreciation and affection for this drawing… OP you absolutely scored with this one, take my hat, take my shoes, take my screendoor, take my everything-

TEACHER MANIA

rAHH i forgot to log in here and send this lil think i made a few weeks ago !!! but uhh yea a few teachers from Baldi Mods and all lol!!

[skzsauce01]

Harmony

Synopsis: Dogged by a shameful past, you try to fit as your new identity in a new dance program at a renowned music conservatory. The school heartthrob and world-class violinist takes interest in you, which would be fine if he wasn’t also your childhood best friend.

Warning: hysterectomy, infertility, panic, mention of murder disclaimer: fertility does NOT determine your worth as a person

Word Count: 10.3k

Pairing: fem!reader x Kim Seungmin

There he is. Of course, there he is. Where else would the handsome prodigal son of the most prominent violinist go if not the best music conservatory in the country? You watch his bleached head of hair make its way across SKZ Conservatory of Music’s courtyard as fans flock him from behind. 

As for you, you sit on a random bench by yourself, waiting to start your first day at the conservatory’s new and nameless dance program as Emily Regan, not Y/N L/N, and most definitely not the gifted Kim Seungmin’s long-lost childhood best friend.

You must have stared at him too long, for he catches you and smirks. Blushing, you quickly clear your throat and head to class. He couldn’t have recognized you, right? No, you definitely look nothing like you did when you were six. If so, then why is he following you? You speed up, and while he makes no attempt to do the same, he surely is still on your tail. You turn the last corner and he does the same. You enter a room and take a seat. He— oh, you have the same class. First year literature. Just your luck. 

He walks by where you are seated and stops. “Hi there. What’s your name?”

You wish the ground would swallow you, but at least he didn’t call you Y/N or something like that.

“R-Regan. Emily Regan,” you mutter.

“Oh, American?”

You nod, still avoiding his eye.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Emily. I’m Kim Seungmin.”

He extends a hand out to shake, and you take it hesitantly. You aren’t sure you are on first name basis yet, but Kim Seungmin does what Kim Seungmin wants, you suppose.

“Hello, Kim.”

He smiles and takes the seat next to you and you wish you could disappear. But you can’t, so you excuse yourself to use the washroom. You thought you could get another spot when you returned, only to find him reserving your spot next to him for you.

The whole class, you do your best to focus on the professor, but he makes it difficult for you. He makes no effort to hide that he’s stealing glances at you, and fear creeps up your spine. What if he connects the dots and realizes you are your father’s daughter? He’d hate you, that’s for sure. After all you’ve done to him, it’s only natural.

You shake your head and he looks at you curiously. No, the one who did all that isn’t you, but Y/N L/N. You’re Emily Regan now. You just have to make sure you keep it that way.

Still, you’re glad to be able to see him again.

You know you should not be doing this, and there is no reason for you to potentially embarrass yourself even more, but you cannot help yourself. His pieces of work are right there, and his door was propped open so that you could see the music inside. So, you let yourself in.

Being the son of a major benefactor of the school, Seungmin has his own studio on campus. Instruments of all sorts line the wall and his Stradivarius violin lays on the table beside the draft of his latest composition. No one will steal it anyway; it’s chipped and insured. 

It does, however, mean that Seungmin probably just stepped out for a bit, so you’ll have to be quick. You look at his piece and hum the notes to yourself.

A small smile forms on your lips as you read the sheet. It’s a duet, and he’s only written the second violin part for now. 

This whole thing feels familiar. Reading music with him, cheek to cheek, is something you did often. In fact, that’s exactly what you were doing that day you got that call to rush home only to find where you once lived was turned into a slaughterhouse. Your fingers curl around your cardigan as you recall that day. It was Albinoni’s Adagio. You shake your head and refocus on the notes before you, humming a little louder to drown out your thoughts. You need to finish before—

“You have perfect pitch.”

—Seungmin returns.

You shoot up straight and turn slowly around. Seungmin leans against the door with his arms crossed.

“You have perfect pitch,” he repeats, walking over to his piano. He takes the sheet and plays it on the keyboard. “You weren’t even a microtone off.”

“I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t—”

He holds up a hand to silence you. “You’re a dance major, right? Do you play anything?”

You shake your head and lie. “Not really.”

“That’s a shame. Well, it’s never too late to start.” He picks up his violin and hands it to you. “Do you want to hear how the piece actually sounds?”

Your eyes widen at the familiar instrument and you visibly flinch backwards to which he raises a brow.

“Emily? Something wrong?”

“No, er, I, uh…” What should you say? “I’m alright. Thank you, and sorry for intruding. I need to use the washroom now.”

“Hold up,” he calls, effectively making you freeze in your step. “You don’t think you can just walk in here and leave unscathed, do you?”

“W-what do you mean?” you laugh nervously.

“You’ve got to pay the admissions fee,” he replies. “If you don’t play the violin, then here.” He hands you his music. “Compose the first violin.”

“What? I don’t even play!”

“You can try, or I can call security. You might even get suspended,” he smirks.

You open and close your mouth soundlessly. If you fail here as Emily Regan the dance major, then what will become of you? You have no choice but to concede and take the paper from his hands.

“Great. It’s only thirty-two bars, so bring it by tomorrow!”

“But I—!”

He takes out his phone and begins dialing the number for security while reading out each digit.

“Fine! I’ll do it!” you relent.

He grins victoriously. “Great!”

You frown at your new project. “But if I may ask, why the first violin? Don’t people usually compose both at once or the melody part first?”

“I like playing second best,” he answers casually.

This you remember from your childhood days, but that was long, long ago, and only because you always wanted to play first. His skills have improved tremendously since then. Anyone who calls Kim Seungmin a second violinist these days would surely be mocked. “Second? But you’re a renowned soloist!”

“I just haven’t found the person I want to follow yet.”

There’s a pain in his voice that makes you bite your own lip. Even if that person is still here, how can he, the prodigal son from the greatest violinist in the nation, stand next to, let alone play with again, the child of a pariah?

“I better get started on this,” you excuse yourself. You can’t bear to see the scars you left on him any longer.

Seungmin finds you the next day with your face on your desk. 

“Rough night?” he chuckles.

You pop your head off the table and swipe your hand over your mouth to rid it of any drool. At this point, you should give up ever looking good in front of the school’s heartthrob. 

“Here,” you cough, sliding over your work. “I’m forgiven with this, right?”

He hums approvingly and pulls up a keyboard on his phone. After playing it once, he shakes his head and pulls out another score and places it in front of you. 

“This won’t do. Try again.”

Your eyes widen. “But—!”

“You didn’t put yourself into this piece did you?”

How can he say that after you spent all night researching and writing drafts, trying to make something that wouldn’t disappoint the great Kim Seungmin? You open your mouth, however, no objection comes out. Something in you knows he’s right.

“Take your time with this next one. Just bring it to my studio when you’re ready, okay?”

You give a small nod and look at the paper on your desk with dread.

“But you did work hard on this,” he continues, “so here. A reward.” He slides a cup of coffee to you.  “Tell me what you like and I’ll get that next time.”

“Thank you, but you don’t have to,” you say, a little surprised by the gesture. “This time or the next.”

“Oh, come on. A little boost is nice after a rough night, isn’t it? How many hours did you even sleep?”

Good question. You’re curious yourself. You went to bed at four and were awakened at seven by your bladder, so one, two, “Three.”

He looks at you weirdly.

“What?” you defend. “I didn’t exactly have a choice.”

“You’re not from America, are you?”

That came out of the left field. “What?”

“Americans count like this.” He raises his index finger then his middle and then his ring, counting a number with each digit. “But you went like this.” He holds up five fingers and progressively puts one down, starting from his thumb.

“I must have gotten used to it here already,” you laugh sheepishly. “Oh look, the professor!”

You feel his stare, but thankfully, he does not say anything else after the instructor greets the class.

The next attempt takes you eight days. You wouldn’t mind a little longer to work out the finer details, but seeing him in class pressures you to just turn it in.

You hold your breath as he scans over your new attempt. Your nervousness does not last long though as he does not even bother playing it and instead drops it right into the bin. He takes out yet another copy and slams it on the table in front of you.

“I really am trying my be—”

“That’s not what I’m looking for,” he cuts sternly. “Remember what I said. I want you in this piece. Not your best— you.”

“I—”

“No. Look here. Look at me. Focus.”

You gulp and do as told. His lips are pursed and his eyes intense.

“What do you feel?” His question sounds more like a statement.

“Happy?” you try.

He scowls.

“Sad?”

“No, you don’t,” he says. “Look at me. What do you feel?”

You rack your head for emotional words. What answer could he possibly be looking for? “Attraction?”

Seungmin breaks his seriousness and laughs loudly. “Attraction?”

“I mean, you have all those fans and the looks, wealth, and talent,” you try to explain, “so I thought you were looking for that.”

He pokes your forehead. “This isn’t about me or what I’m looking for. It hasn’t been since I gave you this piece. Think about it honestly. What does Emily Regan feel?”

Emily Regan? “Frustrated.”

Another shake of his head. “Deeper. Think. What do you feel?”

You bite your lip and flick your eyes to meet his. What do you feel? What do you feel, posing as a dancer here at SKZ Conservatory in front of Kim Seungmin?

“... shame.”

He smiles bittersweetly and hands you a pen. “Write,” he whispers gently.

You stare at the empty bars, pen quivering slightly above the page. Finally, you draw a small oval in a line.

You write and write, humming the notes to yourself and not realizing how time has passed. When you finally finish, the sun has already gone down. You look up and see Seungmin with his elbows resting on the table across from you and his hands clasped, not having moved a centimeter for the past few hours.

When you finally put down the pen, he turns the sheet towards himself. He stares at it for a good ten minutes before standing up with it and pulling out his Stradivarius. From his phone, he first records him playing his own composition and then plays yours over it.

The whole thing could not have been more than five minutes, but to you, it feels like an eternity. 

At last he finishes the piece with an up bow and brings his arm in a circle to his side. He stares at your work for a few more silent moments before saying, “Have you published music before?”

That certainly is not the comment you were expecting. “No?”

“It’s… familiar. I don’t mean the piece, but the style, it’s…”

“Well, do I pass?” you cut in before he can think too much of it.

He sets down his instrument. “It’s a little bland, but I'll take it. Good work, Emily.”

“I’ll be taking my leave then. Goodbye, Kim.”

“Wait—” He calls after you, but you are already out the door.

You speed walk until you are in the safety of a nearby washroom. You rest your back against the stall door and let out a sigh. Does he remember the amateur pieces you made almost two decades ago? Did you accidentally just expose yourself? No, prodigy or not, there is no way he can connect you to Y/N L/N just from thirty-two bars of music. At any rate, it’s best to lay low from him for now, you decide.

Laying low does not really work when you are one of the few members of the conservatory’s budding dance ensemble though. Seungmin is hosting a charity concert and requested dancers for his show. You manage to finish your numbers for the night without complications and are now waiting in the wings for the curtains as Seungmin begins his final piece.

You close your eyes and allow yourself to enjoy his music until something about the tune strikes you. Your eyelids flutter open as a familiar melody fills the auditorium. It’s your piece! Sure, he wrote it into a solo, but the resemblance is unmistakable. 

When he finishes, he bows and makes a speech. Your classmate nudges you to snap you out of your surprise and urges you onstage for the curtain call. The whole time, you stare at Seungmin, unsure of what to make of the situation. 

At the end of his speech, he gestures for the dancers to come forward. He meets your eyes with his usual smirk and grabs your hand for the bow.

When all is done, you want to find an explanation for that last piece, but your bladder demands to be released right at that moment. You’ve been finding yourself needing to go more and more or the area starts to hurt, so you quickly relieve yourself and speed out. To your luck, it seems Seungmin took his time packing up his violin; you see his silhouette just across the field from the performance hall.

“Wait,” you call out, running after him. He doesn’t hear you until you are closer. “Wait!”

Seungmin turns around as you stop in front of him, resting your hands on your knees to catch your breath.

“Emily?”

He takes a look at your state. You’re still in your costume from having rushed out, and your sheer asymmetrical skirt is doing nothing for you against the night wind.

He shakes off his coat and wraps it around you. “Are you here because of that last bit?”

You nod and stare at him, hoping your gaze draws an explanation out of him.

“It’s a good piece. I felt the need to share it.” He fixes the collar around your neck. “I know I should have asked first. I’ll buy you food sometime to make up for it, yeah?”

You shake your head. “It doesn’t matter that you played it; I just want to know why you did it.”

“I told you already. I like it,” he shrugs.

“You like Paganini. You like Strasate. Anything from them or even something you wrote would have made a better finish. Why this?”

“It’s a charity concert for the needy. Your piece had fitting emotions.”

You narrow your eyes at him. Is there really nothing else?

“Hold on.” He narrows his eyes back at you. “How do you know so much about composers?”

“I— It’s— This is a music conservatory! I’ve just seen their names around in murals and such!”

“Makes sense,” he nods.

“Good. Well then, have a good evening, Kim,” you bid, relieved, and begin to turn around.

“Do you want me to walk you back to the dorm? It’s quite late,” he offers.

You turn around but do not stop walking away. “I still need to change. Thank you though!”

It is only when you’re in the green room do you realize you still have his coat.

“Kim,” you call out, shuffling your feet quickly after him.

A wide grin spreads over his face as he turns around and sees your form. There’s a tuba on his shoulder. “Emily! Looking for me?”

You nod and thrust forward the bag in your hand. “Your coat. I came to return it.”

Seungmin dramatically wraps his hands around the instrument. “Oh no! My hands are full right now! Could you bring it to my studio in fifteen minutes?”

Your grip on the bag tightens in frustration, but he leans towards you, tuba looming overhead, and blinks thrice.

“Please? I’ll make it worth your effort.”

You fumble backwards, flustered, and drop your hand and the bag to your side. “Fine,” you relent. “Fifteen minutes.”

“Fifteen minutes,” he promises. As you walk out of the music hall, you hear a tuba playing fanfare.

Fifteen minutes later, you knock at his door which opens before you even finish your first knock. Seungmin greets you and gestures inside where a plate of mochi sits on his table with two cups of tea.

“Care to join me?” he invites.

You again hand him the bag and keep your feet planted where they are. “I think I’ll have to pass, but thank you.”

“Aw, don’t you like sweets?” He reaches for the plate and circles it around your face.

Still, you shake your head. “Again, thank you, but based on the last few times I was in here, I would rather not be.”

“I promise not to make you compose again. Just come in before the tea gets cold!”

“Why do you want me to anyway?”

“Huh?” His eyes widen at the question.

“I mean, other people have perfect pitch, yet you only sit with me to work through a composition. You sit next to me and buy me coffee and now you’re inviting me to tea. Why are you so interested in me?”

He tilts his head to the side. “‘Cause I like you, obviously.”

That sets off your alarms. Quickly, you dart your eyes around, looking to see if any of his fan girls are around to hear that and murder you. You then push him into the room and slam the door behind you.

“Excuse me, what?” you exclaim.

He sits by the food, crossing his legs. “I. Like. You.” he repeats slowly.

“B-b-b-but that’s impossible,” you sputter. “Curious? Maybe. But attracted to? No.”

He chuckles. “Why not? I mean, it did start out as curiosity, but the more I poked around, the more intrigued I became. You’re a woman full of mysteries, Emily. I like that.”

You put your hands in front of you and slowly back up. “No, no. No. No. There’s nothing to me at all. We don’t know each other very well. Of course a stranger is going to have a lot of unknowns. Once you get to know me, you’ll find that you’ve wasted your time and energy.” You like your acquaintanceship right now. Even being ignored by him is totally fine, but if he ever finds out who you are, he’ll hate you and spit on the person you’ve tried so hard to become.

“Oh really?” He stands and advances to you, making you shrink. “Then let’s put your theory to the test, shall we?” 

“What do you mean?” you gulp.

“You answer my questions and I’ll see if I still like you then.”

“Q-questions?”

“Yeah. We can go slowly if you’d like. Maybe one a day? How does that sound?” 

When you don’t respond, he begins. “Why do you seem so afraid of touching a violin?”

“I— uh…”

“Why did you lie about your home country? Why did you feel ‘shame’? Why did you sneak into my studio to look at my work yet claim to have no interest in music?”

With every question, he takes one step in your direction, finally backing you up against the wall. 

“And” —he lowers and softens his voice— “how does it feel to kiss you?”

“I’ll— I’ll—” You squirm in your shoes, head down and fists balled. The silence is deafening between your stutters, but he makes no effort to fill it, waiting patiently for your response.  “I’ll answer the last one,” you finally squeak.

“Alright then.”

You hear one of his hands pressing on the wall behind you and feel the other coming up to your jaw. He leans closer and closer and you squeeze your eyes tighter and tighter. You’re shaking so much, you can’t tell if you’re even still standing anymore.

His breath fans your lips as he suddenly chuckles and straightens up. He leaves a quick peck on your forehead and steps back.

“You don’t have to do things you don’t want to, Emily.” He has a soft smile which you stare at with surprise at the turn of events. “Doesn’t mean I’ll stop annoying the daylights out of you though,” he adds cheekily.

He slides the mochi back into the box they came in and hands them to you. “Go back to your dorm. Maybe we’ll continue our interrogation next time. Oh, and there’s a closer toilet if you turn right since you seem to go all the time.”

You stand there, mochi in hand, with your jaw opening and closing without any audible sound. He laughs again and turns you around towards the door.

“Go, before I poke you with my bow.”

Mention of a violin snaps your soul back into your body. “Okay, okay. Goodbye, Kim.”

“Thanks for returning the coat,” he calls after you as you disappear into the washroom on the left.

“Remember to choose a partner for this project. Let me know if you can’t get one by next week,” your literature professor concludes and whisks out the door.

You feel the entire room turn towards your direction no thanks to the one and only Kim Seungmin sitting next to you. He himself turns toward you with a plotting grin.

“Emily.”

You close your eyes and take a deep breath, pain rippling through your belly as you do so. There is no point resisting, and you don’t feel up to it today anyway.

“Are you free tonight? I’ll pick you up after your practice and we can get a head start.”

That night, you already know who has just arrived when the girls come squealing into the locker room. You couldn’t care less though. You try to rub away the pain that’s nagging at your belly and fumble around for some pain killers. You allow yourself five minutes after tossing back the pills, but begrudgingly drag your feet outside so as to not keep Seungmin waiting. 

He greets you with an electrolyte drink which you take and thank him for as discreetly as possible without catching the attention of his fans. He thankfully seems to take the hint and follows you outside, only fully approaching you when the last of the girls retreats back into the changing room.

“Ready for our project?”

“You’re awfully excited for homework,” you comment.

“It’s not just any homework.” He bumps you with his shoulder. At that moment, another wave of pain grips your stomach, causing you to stop in your step and bend over.

“Did I nudge too hard?” he gasps. “I’m sorry!”

You shake your hand. “Just… premenstrual cramps. It’s a little hard to manage these days,” you squeeze out.

He walks you to a nearby bench and kneels in front of you. He opens your drink for you and wipes sweat from your forehead.

“Are you okay? Do you want to go home and rest for today?” he asks worriedly.

“I’ll be fine in a bit; I just need the medicine to kick in. Sorry for delaying us.”

“Don’t worry about that.” He takes your hand and massages the pressure point between your thumb and index finger. “Is there anything you need?”

You assure him that you’re fine and can continue with the scheduled homework session which you know he cut short with one excuse or another. You two do the bare minimum on the assignment before he “realized” he scheduled an appointment to restring his violin. After Seungmin walks you to your dorm, you quickly put on a liner and head to bed.

That night, you learn that a liner was a mistake. You wake up as you often do by a call from the bathroom. Groggily, you swing your legs off your bed and are startled by a loud ‘squish.’ Too distracted by the gnawing in your pelvis, you think nothing of it, until you open your door and the hallway lights pour into your room, illuminating your blood-covered feet. With a gasp, you quickly turn around and see the trail of red behind you. You quickly reach for your heaviest pad only to be gripped with the worst shock of pain you’ve had yet. You fall to your knees then ultimately to the floor.

Waking up on the floor makes you forget where you are, and realizing that you are laying in a pool of blood and urine does not help. It takes a moment for you to recover from the shock the state of your room gave you, but when you do, you decide to get yourself cleaned up first then deal with the room later.

Twenty minutes later, you again face the disaster that is your dorm. Thankfully, you do not have literature today, so no one— and by no one you mean Seungmin— will notice if you take a day off to take care of it.

You begin pulling off your bedsheets to wash when you hear a knock at your door. You panic and look around. It doesn’t take a genius to know your room is in no condition for a guest right now.

“Emily?”

And of course it has to be Kim Seungmin. You freeze in your spot, not knowing what to do.

“Did she leave?” you hear him ask himself. This is good. You hope he leaves.

“I guess so,” he mutters. 

You hear some plastic shuffling outside and then his retreating footsteps. You breathe a sigh of relief which you immediately regret because of the pain that comes with breathing too heavily. Your periods have never hurt this much, you note with worry.

You return to your sheets until your phone vibrates with a notification.

Kim Seungmin- Lit [10:59 AM]: Hope you’re feeling better. I left some soup and food at your door since it seems like you aren’t home.

Kim Seungmin- Lit [10:59 AM]: Call me if you need something. Or if you need a ride to the hospital.

Hospital? You rub your abdomen, wondering if the pain warrants a visit. You take some more painkillers and eat the food before finishing cleaning your room. As you leave the washing machine running downstairs, you sit at your table after another washroom stop for a quick nap. You nestle your head in your arms and close your eyes…

… and open them a few hours later, feeling like you’d rather be dead. You can barely breathe and your room spins around you. You don’t even remember to grab your keys as you stumble out the door. Hospital, hospital. No, the hospital’s too far. The conservatory’s health center will have to suffice for now, and it’s only two buildings away.

You must look really unwell, for as soon as you step into the facility, there are already three staff members rushing to your side. You aren’t sure what happens next. It looks like your arrival caused quite the commotion, but all you can hear is Mozart’s Requiem playing somewhere. The world is closing in on you, and you feel your legs give out.

“Seungminnie…”

You wake up to the humming of machines in a hospital room. You realize they transferred you when you see an old lady sleeping in the bed beside yours.

Thankfully, you feel much better now, though you suspect it has something to do with IV connected to your wrist.

Seeing that you are awake, a nurse comes in to check your vitals.

“Are you feeling alright, Miss Regan?” she asks.

You nod and thank her as she replaces your IV bag.

“The doctor wants to see you in a bit for your consultation, but I need a bit of information from you first. We couldn’t find any family members attached to your name, so you’ll have to fill out some forms for yourself, alright sweetie?”

After making sure you are able to, she hands you a clipboard which you complete steadily until one section. “Emergency contact,” it reads.

Seeing your hesitation, the nurse chimes in. “It can be anyone. A friend, teacher, anyone you can trust just in case, you know?”

You smile politely. "May I leave it blank?"

The nurse looks stunned. "I suppose, but what if something happens?"

"You can call a lawyer."

She looks doubtful but stays quiet save for the few instructions she gives to reach your doctor’s office. As you walk there, you think about what just happened. Emergency contact? You'd just moved here for school. Your mother passed during childbirth, and your father— Emily Regan doesn’t have a father. There's no one you could have put down, you tell yourself. No one. Not even a certain overzealous violinist. 

You knock twice on the door you were told. 

“Miss Emily Regan?” the doctor greets as you walk in.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Nice to meet you. My name is Doctor Lee. How are you feeling right now?"

"A lot better."

"Glad to hear it. Please take a seat. Tell me, have you experienced frequent urination lately?"

You walk out of the pharmacy with a paper bag in your hands. Your heart drums in your ears but for a completely different reason this time. What will this mean for you? You’ll need to be resting for two months after the procedure, and as a dance major, this means you can’t attend class. Never mind its impact on your school year, what will this mean for your entire life? Your father has already tarnished the name Y/N L/N. You’ve tried so hard and lied so much just to make Emily Regan real. What have you made her into now? Dirty. Fiendish. Despicable. Even if you escaped being the daughter of the most hated artist who shamed his whole nation, you’ll never escape who you really are. And now this? Your hand unconsciously rises to your belly, rubbing it. It’s only further proof of what a defect you are. 

It is around four by the time you arrive back at the dorms. Thankfully, the hospital phoned your resident assistant who has your keys for you. You’re still distracted by your thoughts as you approach the building and nearly miss the man pacing up and down the front door.

Seungmin has his shoulders hunched and hands clasped together as he blows on them to keep warm, his grey cardigan not doing much against the evening chill. 

“Kim?” you call out, not believing your eyes. You are, after all, on a lot of drugs.

He immediately runs towards you when he recognizes you. You stand where you are and wait for him to come, now believe that he truly is here. Was he out here waiting for you? Your hand curls around your belly. He shouldn’t be wasting his efforts like this on someone like you. Never mind the faults of Y/N, even as Emily, you no longer deserve the love of someone like Kim Seungmin. You’d never wish for your childhood best friend to be with someone as flawed as you.

“What are you doing here?” you inquire as he stops in front of you, raising his hands as if wanting to hold you but is afraid you’d break under his touch.

“You didn’t pick up the phone…” he whispers. “You weren’t home and you didn’t pick up the phone…”

“I… had something going on.” You tuck away your prescription in your coat. “What are you doing here?”

“You didn’t—”

“Kim.”

“—the phone—”

“Kim Seungmin!”

His eyes look up to meet yours and you see the daze being snapped out of them.

“Huh?” 

You exhale sharply and repeat. “What are you doing here?”

“Your dorm doesn’t allow guys past twelve,” he replies matter of factly.

Your brows knit together. “You were out here for four hours?” 

He nods. “Where were you? You were sick yesterday, and now you’re off the map until four in the morning.”

You shouldn’t have snapped. You know what he means by his words, but you aren’t exactly having the best day, and Seungmin isn’t supposed to be here. You aren’t who he actually likes. You aren’t the six year old Y/N nor are you an ideal bachelorette. No, you are some imposter and you hate it. You hate it, so you state flatly, “Why does it matter to you where I was? If you’re worried about the literature project, then I’m sorry. I promise to finish it on time, but it was you who ended the homework session early yesterday, and as far as I’m concerned, we don’t have anything scheduled for today. Thank you for the meal earlier, but if stuff like that’s going to make you feel entitled to knowing about my every whereabouts, then please stop doing it.”

“That’s not what I—”

You close your eyes and let your head roll back. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s been a long day, so please just leave me alone for a bit.”

You walk past him, expecting the conversation to be left at that. You hear him hesitating, which you also expect, but you are not ready for the:

“No.” 

Seungmin runs in front of you and spreads his limbs out, blocking your path. “You’re suffering. I don’t know from what, or if it’s even really period cramps, but you are. I’m not letting you do it alone.” He sucks in his cheeks as he tries to find his next words. You half expect him to take you to his studio and sit you down with a drink until you give him at least a hint of what’s happening, but he surprises you with, “I’m not saying you have to share it with me, but you need to have someone.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you won’t,” he objects. “And trust me. I’ve seen a man try and it cost him his life and his daughter.”

The familiar story makes you freeze. Despite yourself, you ask, “Who?”

“My father’s best friend. The late violinist, L/N.” 

“T-the one who turned out to be a murderer?” Why are you saying this? Just leave him and go!

Seungmin approaches you now that you’ve stopped. His presence makes your eyes water. “He only got involved with the wrong people and ruined his name because he tried to deal with the grief of losing his wife on his own. He even hid it from his own best friend, and that’s how everything tumbled out of control.”

“And his daughter?” Stop it! Y/N— no, Emily, stop it!

“No one knows, though she could be dead. My father immediately sent out searches for her, but nothing ever came up.” His voice softens almost to the point of inaudible as he talks about her. “Father hasn’t played a duet since, and neither have I.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” you say.

“Don’t be. You didn’t even know about it, so what could you have done?” he laughs dryly. 

The irony makes your toes curl.

“Just don’t make me watch another person go down the same path, okay?” he pleas gently.

Again, you should have done something else. You should just say, “Okay, I’ll reach out if I need it” and leave it at that. Instead, you turn to him and ask, “Can you play me ‘Méditation’?”

You watch his eyes widen at the ‘coincidence’ of your request, especially after that story. 

“‘Méditation?’” he asks.

“Yes. Massenet’s.”

He visibly takes a step back and you know why. After all, you’ve made this exact request a million times whenever you were left to sleepover at your father’s best friend’s house.

You wake up on the couch of his studio. Seungmin lays sprawled out on the floor next to you, violin on his chest and bow dangling from his thumb. You use the blanket he put over you to lift the ten million dollar instrument onto a table before he can roll over and crush it. You cradle the Strad, lifting it over its owner to the table on the other side.

“You know who composed ‘Méditation’ but you can’t touch a violin?”

The voice startles you, and you jerk backwards, stumbling back onto the couch. Once you’ve regained your balance, you glare at the man who’s still laying on the ground, moving only his eyes to look at you.

You sigh and pull the blanket over your head. “Don’t pry my secrets or I’ll have to keep avoiding you,” you warn.

“Oh!” he hums.

You pull the blanket back down and see him sitting up now with an arm propped on his knee. “What?”

“You finally admitted to hiding things,” he tells you.

“Everyone hides things.”

“But not everyone sucks at denying it.”

“Hey!”

He points at your jacket. “Your pill bottles are literally rattling with every move you make, Miss I’m-totally-fine.”

You wrap your jacket tighter around yourself. “They’re— they’re—”

“Pill bottles,” he insists. He folds his hands on the couch and rests his head on them. “Your inept lying is adorable.”

You groan and toss the blanket over his head. He tries to pull it off, but you clamp your hand over his to stop him.

“I don’t want to tell you this, but you did house me for a night, so you deserve to know at least this much, I guess.” Your serious tone stops his resistance attempts. “I’m scheduled for surgery in a little over a week. I’ll be in a hotel for two weeks after the procedure with a nurse since I don’t have someone to care for me during the bed rest period. It’s a relatively safe procedure, so don’t worry.”

Seungmin flips your hand over and grabs it. The blanket slips off his head and you are left looking at his glassy eyes.

“I…” He takes a moment to collect his thoughts before continuing. “I won’t ask you where you’re staying if you don’t want to tell. Just promise you’ll text after the surgery. Let me know that you’re still alive at least.”

You nod. “You’ll see me working on our Powerpoint for the project at least.”

“Don’t worry about that,” he tells you.

“I won’t be able to dance for a month and a half after this. My general education classes are all I’m going to be doing,” you assure him.

“If it gets too hard—”

“I know. Thank you, Kim.” 

You roll your suitcase off the bus. You aren’t sure if it is extra windy today or if it’s just your nerves, but you shiver as you stare at the hospital before you. You take a deep breath and take a step forward only to find your feet glued to the sidewalk. 

Just then, you hear a ping through your earphones. You pull out your phone and see a message.

Kim Seungmin- Lit [7:41 AM]: [get_well_soon.mp3]

You click into it and a piano and violin playing a familiar intermezzo fills your ears. You then look down at your feet and successfully lift one up and place it in front of the other until you are in front of the reception.

“Hello. I have an appointment under Emily Regan, and I'd also like to update my emergency contact information.”

After two weeks, you’re at last pushing open the door to your own dorm room.

You aren’t sure if it’s the morphine or the darkness of the room, but stepping inside after two weeks and seeing your curtains sway lightly in the evening air makes you feel emptier than you’ve ever felt before. Suddenly, your emotions overwhelm you all at once and you succumb to the floor. Your throat tightens and you wrap your arms around your abdomen, tucking your knees to your chest. You think you are crying, but you can’t be sure. The walls are closing in. You feel yourself being shackled by chains and no matter how hard you scream, no one hears you. Your voice bounces in your head like a ricocheting bullet and water is seeping in from somewhere, filling your nose and mouth, depriving you of air. All the while, your heartbeat echoes in your head.

Ba dum.

Ba dum.

Ba 

… dum.

With a strangled gasp, you manage to break one hand free for a split moment, and you immediately look for the remote that has called a nurse for the past two weeks. Of course, you are no longer at the hospital, so the only thing you grab is your phone.

“Seungminnie… Seungminnie, Seungminnie.”

You fumble with the device, but the chains are tightening around you again. Fog clouds in and you can’t see your phone anymore. You don’t even hear it hit the floor as it slips from your hand.

Ba dum. Ba dum. Ba dum.

Suddenly, you’re six again. Before you is the empty hallway of Violinist Kim’s mansion. Your plastic princess heels thunder with every step as you run down the hall.

Ba dum. “Seungminie?”

There’s no one there. Every turn you make just leads to another empty hall. The ground begins to morph, twisting and turning under your tiny feet. 

Ba dum. Ba dum.

The giant bow on your dress unravels and cinches around your ankle, and you trip and scrape your chin.

“Seungmin!”

“Emily!”

The ribbons shrivel. The chains clatter to the ground. The water drains. You gasp haggredly for air as your hands fly up to his shoulders for support. Beside you, your phone sits on the floor, his name illuminating from the screen.

“Emily, what’s wrong?” he asks, lowering his own device from his ear.

Your hands climb up to his face, cupping it. Your eyes are still glazed over. Blood drips from your lips from having been gnawed on too much.

“You’re… you’re not Seungmin.” You put your hands all over his face, feeling its features. “Or are you? No…”

“Emily—”

“Who’s Emily? You’re not Seungmin.”

“Stop biting yourself.”

“Seungmin’s not blond. Seungmin’s not—”

“Emily!”

“WHO’S EMILY?”

He freezes and looks at you. You’re drooped over at this point, defeated and tired. He then puts one hand behind you and pulls you into his arms.

“I am Seungmin,” he says gently. The vibration of his chest as he speaks lulls you. “I am Seungmin,” he repeats. “I’m right here. You’ve found me. I’m right here.”

Shakily, one of your hands reaches up and grabs his shirt while the other circles around to your lower belly.

“... Seungminnie…”

You’re in the furthest corner of the bed, staring at him. He’s just standing there, staring at you, juice in one hand and your keys in the other.

“So,” he begins. “What do you remember?”

“Nothing,” you answer truthfully. Your eyes shift to your desk where some medicine including a bottle of Kadian and a pack of birth control sit carelessly. “But I don’t suppose I had to say much for you to figure things out.” He’s going to leave you all alone now. Why is he even still here? He should realize how unsuitable you are for someone like him. There’s undeniable evidence in front of him now.

He clutches at his chest and scrunches up his face as a glaze passes over his eyes. He takes a moment before taking out one of the pills. He hands it to you with the juice, obviously having read the administration instructions.

“Yeah,” he confirms. “That and the frequent urinations. How much did they take out?”

You look away and your hand subconsciously reaches down. So he is still holding onto hope for some miracle. That’s why he hasn’t left yet. “Enough.” Now go, Seungmin.

He sits beside you, fiddling with the blankets between his fingers.

You break the silence first. “Don’t feel inclined to stay.”

“Huh?” he questions, looking up.

“I’m” —you motion downstairs— “you know. You’re here because you like me, right? Well, I can’t exactly produce an ideal family anymore. You should probably look for someone who can help you continue your and your father’s legacy.”

He looks more confused than you’ve ever seen him. “What?”

“I’m saying you should walk away now. I won’t hold it against you, so you don’t have to live with any guilt. I never considered our relationship possible anyway.”

Confusion shifts to anger. “You— You think I— I—” He struggles with his words after having been presented a scenario he’s never even considered. He exhales long and hard. “No. Just” —he grabs at an imaginary stress ball— “no. I’m not leaving, and you can’t make me. I don’t like you just because of your fertility. How could you think that? I don’t want a child. I want you. Do you understand? You! I couldn’t even sleep or drink for the past two weeks you were hospitalized, and the only time I could eat was whenever you sent a text or when I saw your little cursor on the Powerpoint. You think a surgery like that can weigh out whatever I felt that drove me to do this?”

“Still, I’m—” 

“Worthy, beautiful, and loveable,” he insists.

Those words are foreign to you. They’ve been long before you went to the hospital. How can he believe such things about you? Would he say the same things about Y/N? 

Seungmin sighs when you don’t respond and drags you closer. You don’t resist which he takes as a good sign. “So you don’t have to hide things from me anymore, okay? I’ll be here for you.”

You try to bite your lip only to find ointment there, so you play with a loose thread on your blanket instead.

“I… I’m already hiding a lot of things from you that I’m afraid to confess,” you admit. “Will that still be okay?”

You feel him nod. “Take your time. I’ll wait until you’re comfortable.”

You close your eyes and bask in his warmth. Will he really be okay if he knew he has in his arms the daughter of a drug addict murderer? Will he really be okay knowing you’re his “best friend” who left him without a trace for all these years?

You hope so. 

You want to believe so.

“It’s out! It’s out! It’s out!” you exclaim. 

“It’s just one grade. Relax,” Seungmin chuckles. Still, he stops playing the piano and swings his legs over to look at your phone.

“Not all of us have an established violin career to fall back on,” you remind him while logging into your account. You cover your eyes and hold the phone away from you as the page loads. “I can’t look.”

Seungmin takes the device. “I think you should.”

“Why? Is it good or bad?”

“We got a hundred.”

“We did?” You uncover your eyes. “We did! We did!” 

In your excitement, you give him a quick hug. He puts your phone on the table and drags you onto the piano bench. “You’re not doing anything right now, right?” He puts a simple piece in front of you. “Try this.”

“Kim, I don’t play.”

“It’s simple. Look.” He squeezes in behind you and puts your hand on the keyboard. “That’s middle C.”

He presses on the key and you scoff. You lift your left hand up as well and humor him. You’re definitely a bit choppy, but you make your way through the piece slowly and surely. Seungmin wraps his arms around your belly and rests his head on your shoulder with his eyes closed, swaying slightly to the music. When you get to the end, you lift up your hands and rest them on your lap.

“You’re just cuddling, aren’t you?”

He opens his eyes and looks at you. “Are you uncomfortable?”

Your eyes shift to the music. “No, I like it.”

You feel his heartbeat accelerating at your words. “So uh, you’ve played piano before, haven’t you?”

“Uhm. I played a few different things.”

“Violin?”

“That was my focus.”

He’s not surprised. “Were you good?”

“I was better than you,” you tease.

“Oh, really?” He jumps up and puts his violin under his chin in a challenging stance. 

You put your hands defensively out with a laugh. “That was like years ago!”

He wiggles his eyebrow and starts performing up-bow ricochet and left hand pizzicato.

You roll your eyes humorously. “We get it, Mr. World-class-musician.”

He laughs too and sits back down beside you. “Speaking of which, I’m playing with the JYP Philharmonic next weekend. You’ll come, right?”

You nod. “If I can manage to walk there.”

“I need to get there early, but I’ll have my driver take you.” He smiles widely. “You have to come, you have to. I have someone I want you to meet.”

“Who?”

He holds a finger to his lip cheekily. “Now it’s my turn to have a little secret.”

You fix the ribbon around your neck and smooth out your skirt as your driver comes around to open your door. You thank him and make your way into the building where Seungmin asked you to meet him. You hear him before you see him.

“Oh, she’s wonderful. She really is.”

There’s another lower voice that mumbles a reply you can’t make out. 

“Kim?” you call, approaching his waiting room.

Seungmin’s grin widens as he turns around and sees you. You, on the other hand, drop the chocolate and banana you brought for him when you see the other man in the room.

Seungmin gestures to you and looks at his companion. “Dad, this is Emily Regan, the girl I’ve been talking to you about. Emily, my father.”

Violinist Kim looks as shocked as you. “Emily… Regan?” His eyes narrow.

Seungmin furrows his brows. “What’s wrong, Dad?”

He doesn’t say anything and extends a hand out to you. “Nice to meet you, Emily Regan.”

You shake his hand uncertainly, unable to look at his unblinking eyes.

“Emily? Dad?” Seungmin looks between the two of you.

The older gentleman turns to his son. “See me for a moment.”

After Seungmin sits you on a couch, the two step out into the garden as per his request. You watch as Violinist Kim says something that makes Seungmin run a hand through his hair then stab them into his pockets as he slouches backwards. He replies with something that his father quickly rebuttals. What can they possibly be discussing? It’s clear Violinist Kim does not approve of you. Does he realize who you are? Or is Emily Regan the one he disapproves of? As a parent, it’s not uncommon to want grandchildren after all.

Suddenly, someone else bursts into the room. “Mr. Kim Seungmin, the conductor is looking for you!”

The stage worker is surprised to see only you in the room, and you inform him where the performers are. He thanks you and lets himself outside to deliver the message.

You stand as Seungmin and his father walk back in. Your friend pauses in his steps to talk to you.

“I’m sorry about that,” he apologizes. “This isn’t how I thought my dad would react to this. I’ll talk to you after.” He then spots your hand which has again found its way to your abdomen and frowns. “I swear that’s not something we talked about nor is it even something worth getting upset over, okay?”

You give him an assuring smile. “Break a leg.”

You watch as he hurries to catch up to the stage worker who is giving a briefing as they walk. You don’t bother to ask what is wrong. You can already tell from the cold eyes of Violinist Kim what is wrong. All you can do is wonder how much he told his son.

The concert goes well. You can tell that whatever happened with his father took a toll on Seungmin’s mentality, but his concerto was still dynamic and captivating. A few rows in front of you,  you spot Violinist Kim still nodding along to the music and supporting his son. 

After forty minutes, the house lights come back on and it is time for intermission. Seungmin is done with his concerto, so you go back backstage to see if you can catch him. You don’t have to go that far though. On your way, you hear a tree go, “Psst, Emily!”

You look and see him waving you over. He’s still calling you Emily, so that’s good, you note.

“Why are we out here?” you inquire.

He takes you a little further into the woods until he finds a boulder for you to sit on. He hoists you up so you’re comfortable.

“I thought I should clear things up before my dad talks to you,” he explains. “I’ve seen enough K-dramas to know what kind of headache misunderstandings cause.”

You nod, prompting him to go on. He does.

“You remember when I told you about Violinist L/N?” 

This sends your heart racing. Has he found out?  

“Well his daughter used to be my best friend. The thing is, my dad thinks you look a lot like her, and he thinks I’m only with you because of it.” 

Oh, it’s just that. Thank goodness. 

He grabs your hands, his eyes serious. “I just want you to know that no matter what he tells you, that’s not it. I like you for you, Emily, and nothing more and nothing less.”

You’re still convincing yourself that he isn’t aware of your past identity, and you must be making a face that he registers as doubt for he slides a hand up to your cheek, forcing you to meet his eyes. “Please believe me.”

You snap out of it. Of course you believe him, and it wouldn’t change much if he were in love with Y/N L/N anyway. However, you don’t miss the opportunity to ask, “What would you do if she is not dead? What would you do if she came back?”

“I’d celebrate her return. I’d grab lunch with her and introduce the two of you, but that’ll be the extent of it.”

“What if she’s been doing well all these years, and you were the only one left hurting and alone, wondering where she is? Could you forgive her? Could you accept someone like that, not to mention a child of a murderer, with open arms?”

Seungmin retreats his hand and frowns at you. “Why are you saying things like that? She’s my best friend!”

You grab his hand before it can go far. This time it’s your turn to stare him in the eye. “I’m not accusing her. I’m just asking if you, Kim Seungmin, would be able to forgive her in this scenario, and I’m not going to say that you’re right or wrong if you do or don’t either.”

“Then why do you ask?” His frown shifts to a perplexed one.

You let your hand drop to your side. “I… I’m in a similar situation. I don’t know if my friend will accept me if I try to reconnect.”

“Do it.” He has on a smirk now as he walks closer. “If it’s you, I’m sure she’d love to reconnect.”

You pout at his unsatisfactory response. “You’re just biased.”

Your pursed lips only makes him stare at them. “I sure am,” he mumbles. 

He again brings his hand up to your neck, index finger resting behind your ears. You can’t tell if he’s avoiding your question or just distracted, but who cares? You’re distracted now too. The woods are setting the perfect mood, and the orchestra is playing something romantic inside. Your eyelids begin to close. He looks at you one more time, his own eyes drooping.

“Is this okay…” he whispers raspily. “... Emily?”

Your eyes fly open and you shove him away a little harder than you intended to. This isn’t you. The person he wants to kiss isn’t you, and you can’t steal that away from him, even if you desperately want it yourself. You can’t have this. You can’t have him. It isn’t yours and it isn’t right.

He falls down and looks up at you, bewildered.

“I’m— I’m sorry!” you blammer. “I, uh, I have to go.”

You jump off the boulder and walk faster than you know you should post-op.

“Emily.” You hear his feet crunching leaves right behind you. “Emily. Stop. Emily. Emily. Emily.”

Why does he keep saying that name? 

You don’t turn back and you don’t slow down.

You hear him curse and speed up, which scares you, but before you can react, he sweeps you off of your feet and carries you in his arms.

“What are you doing?”

“Something you won’t on your own,” he replies vaguely. He storms to his green room and kicks the door open. He sets you down in the middle of it and pulls out his violin. “Play,” he commands you.

You shrink back at the sight of the instrument. It’s a glorious instrument carved from a choice tree and shaped over a careful flame by masterful hands, capable of drawing out the soul of its player. You know touching it will draw out what you’ve been working so hard on suppressing. You aren’t Y/N, daughter of Violinist L/N. You have no business with a violin. “I can’t. You know this, Kim.”

“You can’t play or you can’t admit the truth? Play, Emily.”

Wait, what?

He holds the Stradivarius in front of you. His tone is firm and his eyes are fierce, but he doesn’t hold the violin any closer than thirty centimeters away. He needs you to make this last leap.

“What do you know?” you demand.

“Play.”

“Tell me, what did your father really tell you?” you screech.

“Play.”

You begin shaking. The f holes are taunting you. You hear the screams of your father’s victims. You hear the TV reporters all cursing his name. They’re all inside there. They’re all inside, waiting for you to release them with your playing and eat you alive. “Kim, please.”

“Play.”

“No, I— I—”

“Play.”

He already knows. You’re sure he already knows, yet somehow, this still feels like a chasm far too wide for you to cross. Can you accept this violin? Can your past? Y/N is the child of a drug-addicted murderer. She’s a six year old whose own father bathed her in blood and blacklisted her existence. Can you accept Y/N L/N?

You look up at the deep brown eyes before you. You know he can.

“Seungmin…” you choke.

He lowers his voice and softens his gaze. “Play,” he tells you.

And so you do. You timorously reach for the instrument and perform Albinoni’s Adagio, the very last piece he’s heard you play. 

Tears roll down your face as your fingers fly across the board like you’ve played the piece all your life. You’re scared, you’re scared, you’re so, so scared. You didn’t even realize how hard you’ve been working to repress this part of you, and now that you’re facing it head-on, you don’t know what to make of it, but for once, it’s okay. Even if you fall. Even if you break apart, you finally have someone who will pick up the pieces. 

You play, and play, and play until you don’t know what to play any more, yet still you played. You don’t know how long it’s been, but you play until you can no longer lift up the scroll. You let the violin slip to your side and the bow clatter to the ground. A pair of arms wrap around you to stop you from collapsing. You close your eyes as one final tear makes its way down your face.

Seungmin presses your head into his shoulder. “I forgive you, Y/N, because I love you.”

<four years later>

You look onto the expecting crowd. Your heart’s beating quickly and the violin in your hands feels heavier than usual. Seungmin steps up next to you with his instrument. He adjusts your white skirt, his new golden band glistening under the lights as he does so.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

You smile at the familiar question. “Ready,” you reply.

He smiles back and lifts his Stradivarius under his chin. You do the same and he begins to play three one-eighth C’s followed half one. You feel his music envelop you. You close your eyes, place the tip of your bow on your E-string and let “Wedding March” flow from your soul.

A sense of peace overcomes you. After learning about your father, starting your life over, and losing your fertility, peace seems almost foreign to you, yet you’ve done it. Amidst all the chaos, you’ve finally found your harmony. 

~ ad.gold

Read it from Seungmin’s perspective here.

[snealeth]

For as much as Total Drama All-Stars is hated, and I'll admit a lot of it is for good reason, there's something I don't see anybody talk about. Like, ever. Mostly because it doesn't really fix any of the problems most people have, but I still believe it should be appreciated, because I think All-Stars has a certain something to it that I believe it does better then the entire rest of the series. And that something?

Shot composition. Because, seriously, the animation of All-Stars is really impressive, but in a way where I don't believe it's the animation itself that got an upgrade. It seems roughly the same as it was in previous seasons, even possibly a little rougher then usual. No, I credit the collective storyboarders, because the best part about All-Stars' visuals is that every single scene is composed in a really solid way that often make for interesting shots and help pretty heavily in showing whatever is needed to show the story.

My favorite example of the sheer amount of effort that goes to the shot-by-shot editing of All-Stars is Lightning's boney island scene in Evil Dread. The scene begins with a bolt of lightning in the sky, and then pans down to Lightning glaring downwards. Then cut to Lightning on a rock in the lake with a stick in his hand.

This shot specifically is pretty solid. It's very wide with a lot of empty space, and that, along with the previous tight shot of Lightning, allows the audience to focus on what's important- Lightning himself. Additionally, while Lightning's pose isn't immediately clear as to what he's doing, it is a very strong pose visually and it's obvious that whatever he's doing he's about to use a lot of force with that stick. It's almost reminiscent of some sort of canine, which fits well with Lightning's character, to the point that you'd be able to tell who Lightning is just by the pose. And the problem of it not being super clear is rectified by the fact that the shot doesn't hold for very long, and the next shot- a fish swimming into the foreground- adds in the necessary context and makes it obvious that Lightning is fishing. In a way, what I gather to be, an unorthodox way- hitting fish with a stick and hope they land on the beach. That fits Lightning's incompetency, his ego that he'll end up doing it, and, later on, his athleticism, as he proves that he can actually do it. Quick cut to the fish jumping out of the water, Lightning hitting the fish, and another cut to a dragged out shot of the fish being thrown into the air and falling to the beach. The shot is dragged out to really sell the impact of the stick, and that sells how strong Lightning actually is. Lightning brags about it, but he is caught off guard by the goose. And we are also caught off guard by the goose, because instead of cutting to another shot, the bird flies right into the current shot.

It's a neat technique to surprise the audience, since they would not expect the shot to be interrupted by the bird. But since it is, it's a neat way of allowing the audience to feel more invested in the story. And I don't think many scenes before this season really focused this much on the whole visual part of the medium. It looked pretty, and some shots were nice, but there wasn't as much thought and attention put into every shot like this. And there's a lot more examples I can bring up. The slow dragging out of the first scene with Camcody in Saving Private Leechball as the audience stews in the uncomfortableness of Sierra just looking at Cameron. The angle of Gwen walking away from the bridge showing how long of a walk it is in Moon Madness. This shot from You Regatta Be Kidding Me.

I just think there's a lot of really good scenes visually in All-Stars, and the fact that nobody talks about it, because Total Drama has not really been known for it's amazing animation, is kind of sad. There should be more discussion about it, because there's a lot of potential in analyzing all of these scenes and how they work in their attempt to emotionally affect the viewer.

[therealvinelle]

What are vampires?

(Yes, I changed the title from “What is venom?” a week after publishing and after a whole set of sorry souls reblogged the post. I’m very sorry, but as I sat down to write the follow-up piece I realized that this meta is about vampires, not venom, and the title is no longer appropriate. My perfectionism got the better of me and I’m sorry.)

There’s been a lot of speculation on that in this fandom, here comes my take. It’ll split into four parts, this being part one where I look at what venom does to the human body. In part two I look at hybrids, part three I speculate on what venom is, part four I treat possible origins and raisons d’être of venom.

So, this first part is mostly me regurgitating facts. We won’t get anywhere if we’re not all agreed on what vampires are.

Also, I get very pseudo-scientific in this meta, but I have no education in biology or medicine so I could be wrong about everything. I tried to use good sources, though, so I can’t be entirely off-base.

With that out of the way, LET’S DO THIS.

To create a vampire, you infect a human with venom. This venom spreads throughout the body, altering every cell. The process is complete when the heart stops beating. If the human was injured at the time of infection, they will be healed, as long as the heart keeps beating.

Let’s go through that.

How does the venom spread?

When Bella was bitten by James, Edward was able to suck the venom out. Several minutes passed from she was bitten until Edward sucked the venom out, yet the burn was only reported to be in her hand. By contrast, anyone who’s ever had pharmaceutical administered intravenously knows that blood travels quickly. If venom travelled like any normal fluid, Bella would have said «My hand is on fire. No wait, my arm! No, wait, my torso! No, wait-» and Edward wouldn’t have been able to suck it out.

Additionally, Bella has that scar left by James. The venom had already altered the cells at the entry point.

To me, this sounds like the venom is like Pac-Man, spreading through the body by altering one cell at a time. It’s the only explanation for why it’s so slow. More on that later, though.

How does it alter the cells, and in turn the human body?

Physically, their skin is made impervious and perfectly even, their teeth are straight, razor sharp and white, their bodies impossibly strong, fast, and precise, their senses heightened to an insane degree yet they feel no pain from most physical injuries. Their digestive system is altered so they can only consume blood, preferably human blood, anything non-blood is regurgitated. They’re much more attractive than they were in life. They’re not reliant on oxygen, and their blood doesn’t circulate. They produce their own venom.

Mentally, their minds function at the capacity necessary to even utilize a body like this. They are able to process their heightened sensory input (for example, it’s the brain that interprets visual input from the eyes. For vampires to be able to see better than humans, both eye and brain have to improve), process though much faster than humans, they forget nothing, and they feel emotion and physical sensation more strongly than humans do.

Let’s go through these alterations one by one.

Skin

Frequently likened to marble, vampire skin is as hard as stone. When Bella becomes a vampire, she’s stunned Edward’s flesh now yields to her touch. Before, if she pressed her finger on him, his skin would not yield. The shapeshifters can kill vampires because their fangs are sharp enough to pierce their skin, without that advantage they couldn’t do it. No ordinary weapon could injure a vampire.

The stone skin is an armor, protecting them.

Teeth

As us humans get older, the enamel in our teeth is worn away, revealing the tooth’s underlying yellow color (the dentin). Vampires can live for thousands of years, yet their teeth remain that perfect blinding white. What changed? I see two possible explanations, one being that vampires still have enamel, and it’s too strong to ever be worn away, or they don’t have it because their teeth have been altered to the point where they don’t need a protective layer anymore, and their composition is something completely different from that of human teeth.

I think it’s the latter, as there are two other major changes reported. Their teeth have changed shape, they are now sharp enough to pierce through human or vampire skin. They’re also venomous (more on that later), able to inject anybody they bite, fellow vampires included, with venom.

There’s also the fact that vampires are changed on a molecular level, but more on that later.

Strength, speed, and precision

Meta I wrote on vampire strength disparity.

Vampires are ridiculously powerful, no upper limit (as in, «Newborn Emmett can carry 500 tonnes») is given, but whatever it is it’s high. Alice might just be the physically weakest vampire in the saga (Jane is physically smaller, but she eats properly. Alice lives on a subpar diet), but to Bella it makes no difference, Alice blows her out of the park anyway. Edward, a malnourished and not too strong vampire, is easily able to pick up entire trees by the roots, and then throw them at a small target.

As for speed, vampires move faster than the human eye can register, which according to this article means they can reach a speed of 38 146 mph! (61 390 km/h for us metric people) (Also, the traveling object used for this calculation was a ball, and the article specifies that it would be different for bigger objects. Alas I’m not going to bother my physicist friend with this, so we’re using the ball number.)

When it comes to precision, vampires exercise perfect muscle control. They’re so graceful their steps can’t be heard by humans,  Edward can famously stroke a soap bubble without popping it, and they’re able to perfectly mimic the handwriting of others (a task anyone who’s ever googled forensic calligraphy will know is next to impossible). Much of this appears to be instinctual, like a downloaded .vampire package. Knowing how to attack prey, where to bite, that all happens on autopilot. So too does running, jumping, walking (funny how their default mode, even Carlisle’s, is to walk too quietly for their designated prey to detect). Snarling, hissing, and growling are also distinctly non-human manners vampire adopt.

Senses

Heightened sight, hearing, and smell is extremely useful. It makes them much more effective hunters. The smell especially is useful here, but really, all their senses are invaluable in this. It’s great for dealing with fellow vampires as well, they can see, hear, and smell their kind coming from a far distance.

There’s an added advantage, though. As I got into here, and here, if a vampire’s memories of their human life is dull and washed out compared to their brilliant new existence, dismissing humans as equally deserving of life becomes that much easier to justify. Heightened emotions serves this same purpose, though considering their longevity I think this is another form of survival, that they’re wired not to grow bored with life (but this is really for a separate meta).

There’s also the fact that their senses have to be tuned up to 11 to fit their other enhanced abilities. There’s no use in super-speed if you can’t see where you’re going.

Vampires’ heightened senses make them more efficient predators, and help them become the bloodthirsty sociopaths we know and love.

Pain receptors, or lack thereof

Vampires feel pain when they are thirsty, when their limbs are torn off, when they are bitten by other vampires (it appears to be the venom that stings), or when subjected to a gift that induces pain (Jane, Kate). They don’t feel pain like humans do, nor do they feel discomfort (they can sit indefinitely in any position, never feeling the need to shift around.

Interestingly, it looks to me like pain serves the same function for them as it does for humans. The brain registers pain to tell us something, a biological error message. Don’t walk on that leg, it’s injured. Get your hand off the hot stove and don’t put it there again. Pain is useful.

Vampires, by contrast, are not going to get injured from someone hitting them. There are no blood vessels that can burst, no soft tissue that can burst nor bones that can break. So, no need for their brains to register that as pain. Humans need to change positions every now and then for the sake of our circulation and so we don’t develop pressure ulcers (and I’m sure there are more reasons), vampires have no circulation and, as mentioned above, their skin is armor. No pressure ulcers.

What they do need pain for, is to let them know to feed. That’s the big one, and in turn the strongest one. The pain of the thirst is unbearable, as it has to be to turn a human who was infected with venom into a killer. It’s survival. Same goes for feeling pain when their limbs are torn off, or their bodies damaged by a bite. Their pain receptors let them know to avoid this next time.

As for Jane and Kate’s gifts, this may not serve a purpose for other vampires, but it serves a purpose for Jane and Kate. It protects them. So, sucks for everyone else, but that’s what gifts do, they give the gift-haver a leg up on others.

Digestive system

Carlisle had spent many years attempting to understand our immortal anatomy; it was a difficult task, based mostly on assumption and observation. Vampire cadavers were not available for study.

His best interpretation of our life systems was that our internal workings must be microscopically porous. Though we could swallow anything, only blood was accepted by our bodies. That blood was absorbed into our muscles and provided fuel. When the fuel was depleted, our thirst intensified to encourage us to replenish our supply. Nothing besides blood seemed to move through us at all. (Midnight Sun, chapter Home)

Ignoring the horrifying fact that the context for this quote is Edward wondering if Bella’s tear could stay in his system forever, this here is extremely interesting and I agree. Partly because I can’t think of anything better, partly because Carlisle is an in-universe medical genius who’s had access to far more data than I have. He can run experiments, I can’t. Even if I came up with a theory I thought was better, if blood absorption through porous tissue is Carlisle’s best theory then there must be evidence in favor of this which I don’t have access to. So, porous tissue it most likely is.

(Also, my «Carlisle totally volunteered for vivisection fun times with Aro in Volterra» theory survives that first paragraph. Vampire cadavers might not be available for study, but live ones absolutely are, you just pick them apart and put them back together after, and bring in Corin and/or Alec so the guinea pig has a good time too. There’s no way that never occurred to Aro. Even if it didn’t, it’s bound to have occurred to someone over the years, and Aro touches a lot of people. And we know he and Carlisle discussed what vampires even were, that they were best friends and all about that science.

We also know that sometimes, your weird science experiments involving dismemberment and tripping on Corin in Volterra, stay in Volterra. The tissue is porous, Edward, DON’T ASK ME HOW I KNOW.)

This has huge implications. What happened to the digestive system they used to have?

It’s still there, but non-operational.

Middle solution: it’s recognizably there, but welded shut. At some point, whatever the vampire ingests hits an untraversable boundary, and from there the blood is absorbed while any other matter remains, undigested (though possibly dissolved by venom) until regurgitated.

The vampire’s inner anatomy is unrecognizable from that of a human. Vampires have no need for livers, bowels, gall bladders, and so on, and so these organs no longer exist, or have even been replaced by other organs (assuming vampires need any, more on that later).

My vote lies with the third option, though both second and third are possible. The first one, not so much, as it means that in theory, they could force something through their system. They can’t.

More, vampires are nothing if not extremely efficient and economical organisms. They don’t need to feel pain from a physical blow, so they don’t. Why carry around these organs they’re not using?

Then there’s what they even need their digestive system to do. Humans need the nutrients in our meals not just as fuel, but as- well, everything. We need the building blocks for our cells. Our bodies are constantly renewing themselves. Vampires, by contrast, don’t appear to do this. There’s no waste of any kind, and their skin doesn’t get flaky. Edward specifically says blood is fuel, and I think that’s a literal interpretation.

Now we’re veering into speculation territory, and this isn’t the place for it just yet as we’re veering into what venom is and does, but I think whatever digestive process vampires have, serves to turn their blood to venom. I don’t think there’s any particular organ for this, I think that’s just because that’s what happens when venom comes into contact with blood. We see it happen when humans are bitten, and I think it’s fair to assume that the same thing happens when venom comes into contact with ingested blood.

This also helps explain why animal blood isn’t equal to human blood. Animals can’t be turned to vampires, it’s blood but venom and animal blood aren’t on the same FM, so to say. So, with no better option, yes venom can make do with animal blood, but it won’t perform as well as it would with human blood. The vampire is now weaker, with the frankly terrifying side effect that their eyes change color. We’re so used to this that we just go «oh, yeah, animal blood means their eyes turn yellow. It’s like a LED light letting you know which diet the vampire is on!» when in any other organism, a chance of color like that is usually the sign of something being wrong. Blue lips, yellow sclera, red urine, all color changes that point to something not being not as it should be.

Now, to go further here would mean getting more into what venom even is, which is best saved for part three. I’ll say this, venom appears to be the only fluid in the vampire body. It’s moistens their eyes (and melts their contacts), pools in their mouth, is injected through their fangs, and the application of venom to a wound makes them heal faster. Venom is the substance they rely on, more so even than blood, their elixir of life. (My speculation on how Edward was able to impregnate Bella is reserved for the hybrid/what is venom metas).

Also, on what vampires carry over from their human bodies, I do think they’re economical enough to not fix what ain’t broken. I think this because the human nervous system is absolutely brilliant, and indeed Bella regains sensation during her transformation where her spine had once been broken and unable to communicate with her brain. Question is, of course, was this because her new vampire body still uses the human nervous system, or did Bella regain sensation because her transformation had gotten to a point where this was no longer the case?

Beauty

The beauty part has gotten some very valid criticism, as beauty is very subjective and venom makes it out to be an objective, empirically measurable unit.

To caveat first, we see in canon that not all vampires are gorgeous. James was an ugly human, and so as a vampire he’s no beauty. Maggie was emaciated and not particularly attractive, so she’s bony and not hot by vampire standards. The Cullens, by contrast, were attractive humans. Human Bella is a hottie, she pulls all the guys without issue. If she were as plain as she thinks she is, she wouldn’t get male attention. Being new is only gonna get her so far. Jasper was turned because Maria thought he was a cutie, and same goes for Emmett with Rosalie.

(There’s also a certain inherent bias - I imagine attractive people have a much higher chance of getting turned than uglies.)

More, understand that vampires don’t look human. They’re flawless, desirable, perfect, yes - but they are very distinctly not human, and humans know as much instinctively:

Like any normal human, suddenly standing just a foot away from a vampire would send adrenaline racing through his veins. Fear would twist in his stomach for just a fraction of a second, and then his rational mind would take over. His brain would force him to ignore all the little discrepancies that marked me as other. His eyes would refocus and he would see nothing more than a teenage boy. I watched him come to that conclusion, that I was just a normal boy. I knew he would be wondering what his body’s strange reaction had been about. (Midnight Sun, chapter 21, page 547)

Vampires are beautiful in the way the Nefertiti bust is beautiful. It’s perfect, otherworldly, timelessly beautiful, but looking at it you know this is a bust and not a living human woman.

With that in mind, I think some of the vampire’s unnatural beauty is… not circumstantial, but happy bonuses to their other qualities. Their perfect skin, for instance, goes a long way towards making them beautiful. Perfectly smooth, a glowing white, no disruptions like blackheads, scarring, or sweat. At one point Bella describes Rosalie as looking airbrushed. Their perfect teeth, impeccable grace, these features also help.

Now, I think when venom makes a human more beautiful, I think the big thing it does is make the features perfectly symmetrical. This by itself is immediately inhuman and unnatural, more computer generated than human, just perfect enough to tick off the uncanny valley box. This would explain the flawlessness Bella keeps describing in vampires. It also explains the disparity in beauty, the features Rosalie had to work with and get symmetrical were lovelier than the ones James had, and why they can look completely different from each other yet share that same kind of uncanny impeccability. It also explains how people of wildly different face types and ethnicities can all be beautiful, the venom won’t erase the features you had but rather refine them into the best they can be.

I do think that refinement, in addition to symmetry, happens. If it didn’t, the change wouldn’t be so radical from human to vampire. More, all vampires are described as having sharp features, Esme stands out for the fact that she retained some of her human softness. So, the venom appears to make features more angular and, well, sharp.

Aro’s description is in favor of my interpretation of vampiric beauty: 

I couldn't decide if his face was beautiful or not. I suppose the features were perfect. But he was as different from the vampires beside him as they were from me. His skin was translucently white, like onionskin, and it looked just as delicate (New Moon, page 234)

His features are flawless, meaning symmetrical. He should be beautiful, so it’s the skin that gives her pause.

There’s also the matter that beauty is observed in the body, not just the form. They all look strong and limber, even the tiniest of vampires. I imagine some of this is simply texture, that vampires are made hard, smooth, and perfect, but we have this from Bella looking in the mirror after waking up a vampire:

She was fluid even in stillness, and her flawless face was pale as the moon against the frame of her dark, heavy hair. Her limbs were smooth and strong, skin glistening subtly, luminous as a pearl. (Breaking Dawn, page 261)

Fluid even in stillness, her limbs smooth and strong. This woman was starving to death when she died. Combined with the fact that Edward, who was a sick 17-year-old, has muscle definition, it seems venom does body sculpting as well. Though it’s worth noting that hydration goes a long way towards muscle definition for humans, so the change in fluid composition in vampires could have something to do with it their limber appearance.

Then there’s the other vampire beauty markers.

Their voices are described quite unusually, with words like wind chimes, bells, or feathers. They’re beautiful, but, like everything else about vampires, inhuman. When Carlisle calls Billy on the phone, Billy immediately recognized the voice as somehow wrong, it’s too clear and sharp.

I mean, I think in part this is because their vocal cords aren’t made of soft human tissue anymore, but most likely stone. No matter what they’re made of, though, it’s no surprise that we’re not getting human voices out of them.

Their scent is appetizing to humans and other vampires alike, and serves a duel purpose. Humans are attracted to them (well, vampires are too), while vampires are able to use it for tracking purposes. It’s tremendously useful for keeping track of your territory, as randos can’t walk in and eat your food and sneak off again without leaving a trail. It’s also good for meeting up with friends, we see Carlisle and Siobhan use it for this purpose in Midnight Sun.

Circulation

The purpose of blood is to carry oxygen and nutrients to the cells. Apparently, this isn’t a need vampires have. All they need is venom. The theory that their tissue is porous adds to this, as it would mean blood travels through their body in a different manner. The porous tissue replaces circulation.

So, no circulation for vampires because they don’t need it.

This meta is now getting ridiculously long, so I’m putting the venom production section in the venom meta.

The transformation

The transformation is complete when the heart stops beating. The former human is now a vampire, and no longer reliant on a heartbeat, nor oxygen. In this they are different from hybrids.

As for the process itself, I think that as the venom spreads, it starts multiplying on its own. This is why it took longer for Carlisle than it did Bella, she was bitten and injected multiple times and on every part of her body while Carlisle was grazed on the arm. Bella had more venom that could work on her, Carlisle did not. These facts support my theory of the slow spread of venom.

I’ve played with the thought of the transformation happening in stages, where the first act is the spread of the venom, which then spreads throughout the body and heals the body to put it at default, the second act is the bodysculpting, and the third act the finishing touches. It doesn’t quite fit with venom transforming as it goes, though, so I’m very hm on that.

A few observations:

Activity level doesn’t appear to help spread the venom. Carlisle exerted himself, and his transformation took far more time than normal (though lying still instead of contorting in agony probably doesn’t help in that regard). Bella laid still as a corpse, and her transformation took far less time than normal. The venom spreads in its own time, regardless of what the blood circulation is up to.

Going by the accounts of the Cullens, while the pain is constant, the transformation hurts increasingly as the venom spreads.

Bella was severely injured, and needed to be healed before she could even feel all the pain. Her broken spine, for instance, meant she couldn’t feel below the waist.

Carlisle said it’s «easier if the blood is weak» (cryptic much?! Not making it easy for me, dude. Though as this was said in the context of Edward explaining that Carlisle would only turn someone already dying, I do think he’s referring to what it’s like for vampires, though, that humans are not so tempting if they’re half dead.)

Healing

Now we’re veering into the venom meta, but: the transformation fixes anything that could impede the vampire’s function. Bella would get nothing done with her post-birth broken body, and so she’s fixed up for her. Alice’s emaciation means she’s thin and less strong than others, it doesn’t physically prevent her from doing anything.

The venom, it appears, heals the human not because it’s being altruistic, nor to make the vampire more appealing to others, but to make the human into an ideal host. BUT MORE ON THAT IN THE VENOM META.

With that, my god we’re done. And this meta is  words in total, an ugly number.

Lastly, I know that putting a read more at the end of a 4k long meta is the worst joke in the world (RIP to you poor souls scrolling past this. My reason for not being a read more kind of gal to be found here)

Nothing yet, I’m afraid.

[folkloreguk]

Paris (optional bias)

A/N: This is just something short I’ve had in my drafts for so long and I’ve finally finished it...there’s not much storyline but I swear it’s really sweet and I hope you like it x

genre: photographer!bias, suggestive themes, some kissing and cuddling, just two people on holiday and deeply in love tbh (pls send me some tissues)

words: 1.4 k

“Stay still baby,” he demanded, but not in a rough tone. It was gentle, a little sleepy. You chuckled, hearing the familiar click.

“You look so gorgeous in this light,” he mumbled, his face hidden behind his camera. The curtains of the hotel room were pulled away slightly, so the golden evening light could enter. You were going to get up, but now you fell back into bed, giving in to your boyfriend. Your hair was messy, your makeup even messier. Your clothes were everywhere but on your body.

For a moment you gazed at your boyfriend as he tried to photograph you from the perfect angle. He’d always preferred watching the world through a lens rather than just his eyes. Until you had come along. In you, he had found a new challenge. Oh, how many times you had heard him complain about how he couldn’t seem to capture your beauty in a photo. As if you were some part of nature that simply was too beautiful to fit into a picture. He had compared you to the night sky, a roaring waterfall, the light of the setting sun and fireworks – all his favourite things, basically. Although you didn’t agree. When it was hard to see your beauty in the mirror, one look at the collection of photos on your wall sufficed. Seeing yourself through his eyes made you feel like you were enough. More than enough, in fact. You understood a little better what he saw in you, and slowly you had also started seeing the good, beautiful things in yourself.

It had been a year since he had asked you to be his girlfriend. For your anniversary, you had booked a trip – your first holiday together, in fact. Now it was just the two of you, together, in a strange city. Without a care in the world. That’s what you had agreed on.

You spent your time in bed, exploring the streets where even tourists weren’t found, trying all of the local food and then spending more time in bed. As always, your boyfriend couldn’t put his camera down. Not even in his holidays. But you didn’t mind because you knew it made him happy. And when he was happy, so were you.

His hair was probably even messier than yours, but it made you smile to know you had made it that way. He grinned, watching you through his lens.

“Can I please go to the bathroom now?” you asked, stretching on top of the blankets.

“If you come back quickly,” he answered, and you laughed.

“Don’t worry,” you joked. Your legs were a little weak as you got up. You could still feel where he had touched you, making your cheeks heat up.

When you entered the bedroom again, he had taken your spot on the bed. The last sun rays were now catching in his sparkling eyes, tangling in his hair and dunking his skin in a golden, glowing light. His bare chest was rising and falling steadily and he had draped the sheets over his lower body lazily. He looked at you as if you were the rarest sight in the world, some mythical creature only the luckiest got the chance to encounter once in a lifetime and like you held all the answers to the universe all at once. An overwhelming feeling of love overcame you at the sight of him.

As soon as your leg touched the bed, he opened his arms for you. Smiling, you clung to him as he stroked your hair and kissed your forehead. Even though you were thousands of miles away, you had never felt more at home than in that moment. Your safe place was wherever he was.

Softly, his hands wandered across your skin, drawing random patterns. Sometimes he touched you as if you were artwork at a museum. Too fragile and too precious, maybe even forbidden to lay his hands on. Other times, he dug his fingers deeply into your skin and pulled you flush against his hot body, trapping you under his weight and making it hard for you to breathe with his feverish kisses. His light chuckle rang ever so delightfully in your ears as he noticed the dark hickeys on your chest. His personal masterpiece, only for you to see. If he was the artist, you were his muse and his canvas. The touch tickled you a little. When he traced the dark shapes on your skin you shivered, and when his fingertips came close to your nipples your heart skipped a beat or two. Softly, you swatted his hand away.

“Still haven’t had enough?” you asked.

“I’ll never get enough of you,” he said. You didn’t blame him. If anything, you had never related more. You had just closed your eyes, trying to listen to the way his heart was beating underneath your head, when he rolled over on top of you. When you looked up at him, he had already lowered his head to kiss you. Without your control, your lips curled into a smile. Compared to earlier, when his kisses had been so full of passion and need, they now felt soft, like candy cotton clouds on your skin. Your lips moved slow enough for you to consciously notice every little sensation. The way his hair tickled your forehead, his nose brushing against yours, and his hand intertwining with yours next to your head. Deeply, you breathed in, only to sigh because his scent overtook all your senses with a rush you thought one could only receive from consuming drugs.

His bare chest against yours was warm and your legs tangled with the blankets by your feet. Through the gap in the window you heard the lively song of birds and chatter of both other tourists and residents in the city. Physically, they were just outside, a few levels lower, on the street. But your head was miles away from it all. It was all heart eyes and lips practically quivering with the need to let him know how much you loved him. He beat you to it.

“I’m in love with you,” he whispered. “So much. All of you.”

He peppered kisses on your neck and squeezed your hands in his. How come your heart could never get used to these words? Why did it have to jump the way it did, every single time? Not once had you been able to stop the big smile on your face upon hearing the confession – not that you tried hard, because why should you have – and each time you had to regain your composition for a few seconds, until you could return those words.

“So am I,” you said. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Yesterday you said the ice cream shop downtown was the best thing that’s ever happened to you,” he teased, a smile evident in his voice.

“That was an exaggeration, obviously,” you said. “If you hadn’t been there with me, it would have only been a fifth as delicious.”

“Thank god,” he said, exaggerating. “I almost thought I had lost against some chocolate ice cream there.”

“Come here, silly,” you said. He raised his head from your neck and grinned. Sometimes you were nearly convinced he could have cured any problem with his handsome smile. But the look he was giving you was reserved only for you. It was saying words without having to speak and held countless memories from the past.

“You’re my favourite person in the whole universe,” you said. “And yes, I do know that none of the aliens out there could possibly be better than you. But I do hope we go back to that ice cream shop tonight.”

His eyes had gone from loving to amused and back to loving. Gently, his lips met yours again. The kiss only lasted for a short while, but it said enough.

“We can go back there,” he said. “Do you wanna go for dinner now? Down by the river?”

“Let’s stay like this, just five minutes longer, alright?” you asked. You weren’t quite ready to lose his warmth on your skin and to leave this little, perfect world inside the hotel room just yet. In fact, if it was possible, you’d drag out the moment forever. And he seemed to agree. He hummed and nodded quietly. The next time his lips met yours, you didn’t let him pull away so fast. Five minutes, half an hour, an hour, what even was time when you were with him?  

[fenoderee]

薫 [Guitar] Interview

Let's start with an interview with Kaoru, the main composer of the Band. He has been steering the Band in the direction of what he feels is new and interesting musically, but in what mode has he been working on the music now, and how did he complete the new song "Oboro"?

Nothing is interesting if it's exactly what you think it is at the beginning, but it becomes interesting if you think "it could look like this" and continue drawing.

-Since we're doing this remotely, I'm also curious about where you are now... Is it your home studio?

Kaoru: It's like a studio, a place where I write songs and draw pictures.

-A place where you can concentrate on one work. Have you had a studio for quite some time?

Kaoru: About five years ago. I've been using it since I started writing songs for 'The Insulated World' (released September 2018).

-I'm also curious about the monitor screen behind you, which I assume you're still writing songs on.

Kaoru: No, this is just the data for "Oboro". There's also a guitar in the composition.

-It's a studio that you can use freely 24 hours a day, are you the type of person who sets aside time to write songs?

Kaoru: Basically, I do, but it depends on the moment. When I'm in the mood, I don't need to set a time to write.

-I've heard that you've been writing songs for your next album for quite some time?

Kaoru: Yes. We started writing songs before we had finished "The Insulated World." I don't know if they will end up on the album or not, but I started writing them anyway.

-The style of your previous work was also key in terms of what inspired you to write a song and how you think about it, but what did you see in "The Insulated World“ that made you want to pursue it further?

Kaoru: To put it simply, I wanted to create something more intense. The last album was made with the intention of creating something intense, and the album before that "ARCHE" (released in December 2014), was a straightforward package of what we had created at that time. For the next album, I want to make sure that the songs I've chosen are the only ones I can think of. In that sense, I want to make a very intense album. I don't want it to be an intense album, or a slow album, or anything like that, but I want it to be a whole piece of work.

-Do you write your songs with the whole album in mind, rather than just one song at a time?

Kaoru: Yes, that's true. But when we first started writing the songs, I had a feeling about it, but I hadn't told the band yet.

-What kind of sounds and phrases come to you as a starting point when you are conscious of wanting to make something strong?

Kaoru: The way we create doesn't change much. It doesn't matter what the starting point is. I just start writing and then somewhere along the line I start to betray myself. I'll put in a phrase that sounds different. It's all about making the song more interesting. It's more like if you start off with the right idea, the song won't expand from there. I'm trying to find songs where I can find the unexpected.

-Do you also do some kind of input work to draw your own inspiration?

Kaoru: I do input, but I don't know if it's open or not. When I sit down in my studio and think "Come on, let's do it", I don't really think about anything else.

-Do you feel that starting to draw together has given some kind of feedback to your music?

Kaoru: I thought there would be, but not really (laughs). It's still the same, both in terms of salary and songs. If I tried to create it myself, I'd end up thinking in a very unorthodox way. The more I draw, the more I think the same way as I do when I write songs. It's not interesting if it's exactly what I had in mind from the start, but if I start drawing randomly and when something comes out, I think "it could look like this", and then I go on with it and it becomes interesting.

-So you don't like the fact that you can predict what you are going to do?

Kaoru: Yes. But in the case of a song, you can say "I've tried it, but I think I'll redo it", but with a picture, once you've put in one stroke, you can say "Oh, it's not the same", so the tension is different in that respect.

-Returning to the subject of one song, last year DIR EN GREY released "Ochita Koto no Aru Sora" as a download. When was this song born?

Kaoru: Last spring...well, it's been around for a while. It was a song that we had been working on. We reworked it and made it again.

-Were you in the mode of "I want to make it strong" from that point on?

Kaoru: I think we were in that mode, but I have an image of that song as a single, so it's a bit different. I wanted to put it together as a single, but with an unexpected twist. So it's a mixture of mellow, loud and core.

-But I think you felt you were able to move forward with one new song. Was there anything that came out of that?

Kaoru: It's still like we're trying to get our hands on something that's shrouded in mist. I'm still struggling with it.

-From what point did you start to make "This Single"?

Kaoru: Unusually for me, I started with a chord progression. I thought it would make a beautiful song. But as a song it was just a chord progression and I didn't have a definitive image yet. So I gave the members a listen to the song and said "Let's try it".

-Did you write the chord progressions while playing the guitar?

Kaoru: No, the keyboard. I thought it would be easier to understand the development of the song if I added the guitar when I played it for the members, so I did, but I hadn't added it before.

-A single keyboard is an instrument that makes it easy to visually see how the notes are stacked. Do you find it easier to move on to something unexpected if you use such an instrument?

Kaoru: When I'm creating phrases on the keyboard, I'm only imagining how the song will go. It's not that I'm trying to make the sound pile up purely because it's on the keyboard, but simply because it's easier to see than playing the guitar. This was especially true for "Oboro" and nowadays I always review the notes once on the keyboard. I also created "The World of Mercy" (released in September 2019) on the keyboard at first. When I added guitars to it, the song changed drastically.

-"Oboro" is finished in an arrangement that incorporates strings, but is the rough phrase of strings in your head from the beginning?

Kaoru: I didn't include it in the demo stage. In fact, I was thinking of not including it. But when I created the guitar solo and was thinking about what to do before it, I came up with the idea of strings. I put them in, and it worked out well, so I decided to put strings in the second half as well.

-So the guitar solo led to the string arrangement.

Kaoru: To put it coolly, yes (laughs). For a while we were trying to get rid of the guitar solo, but recently we've been trying to add the flavor of the guitar solo to the songs. I was struggling with this until about halfway through, when I really thought the guitar solo was necessary. Even now, there are times when I don't think it's necessary. But this is the same idea I had when I started adding guitar solos again. I grew up with that kind of music, and I was always impressed by the cool guitar solos of my favorite artists. I don't think solos are really necessary in this day and age, but as long as it's not too dull, it's okay. That's why I think about the phrases I use in my solos, but it's not like I have any deep feelings about them.

-When you were thinking about the phrases and melody for the guitar solo, did you have a song in mind yet?

Kaoru: I had a tentative song in mind, but I hadn't finished the verses yet.

-Oh, really? It's a solo with a melody and tone that fits the color of the poem very well.

Kaoru: So maybe it was my mouth that called up this poem (laughs).

-I'll say it, brother!

Kaoru: That's a lie, a lie (laughs). When I was thinking about the guitar solo, I felt like I was drawing a picture. I was trying to figure out what kind of sound I wanted the chords to make while creating a certain atmosphere. It's like I'm trying to figure out what emotion I want to put into it. The general idea was to keep the first phrase as it was, but change the nuances in the details.

It's limited, so you can't do something like a power collision, but it will surely be a live that is nothing but DIR EN GREY's live.

-You're a real romantic when you can get away with this kind of melody and arrangement.

Kaoru: Yeah, that's right (laughs).

-Another thing I noticed was how few guitar tracks there were. Is this a result of your desire for a change in the construction of the sound?

Kaoru: I think a lot of people feel that this song is easy to understand, but we just didn't make it easy to hear everything. If you listen to it carefully, it's actually not an easy song to understand at all...let's just say that (laughs). If you listen to it thinking that you can hear everything that is in it, you will never hear it. In fact, there are many "sounds" that are far away. I put them in such a way that you can't hear them. So I'm trying to make you feel it. I think the guitars in this song are meant to be felt. I don't want you to listen to it, but to feel it. That's why it doesn't come out with a bang, but there's something there. The number of tracks is smaller than in the days of "Dum Spiro Spero" (Continued in August 2011), but I thought it would be more interesting to let the listener hear that there are actually various sounds at key points. In that sense, I want the album to be dense.

-Did you come up with such a clever method while struggling with the music in your secret studio?

Kaoru: I'm basically twisted (laughs). But when I think something is not interesting, I naturally come up with something like that. When the album finally comes out, I think it's OK as long as everything is interesting and fits together. It's not like I haven't done this before, but this time I took the plunge.

-In this case, I think you have to be very careful about sound awards and mix balance. What kind of instructions did you give during the recording process?

Kaoru: I didn't make any detailed instructions. I just recorded it normally, reamped it in the studio, and at the last minute asked the engineer, "This is how I want it". The rest was left to the mix engineer. However, I had already talked with the members at the pre-production stage. I wanted the whole thing to sound like a warble, and the guitars were relatively up front. When it came time to mix it, I tried to make it more of a feeling than a sound.

-Neil Avalon was the mix engineer, was it easy to convey the subtle nuances?

Kaoru: Neil seemed to understand. Even so, it was difficult to convey even the most recognizable nuances, and I had many exchanges.

-You said you were going to have him play the guitar, but could you give us some pointers on "this part is actually the guitar"?

Kaoru: To make it easy to understand, in the A melody, there's a kind of arpeggio that goes back and forth. It's like a single note phrase.

-Is it an echo-like effect with a lot of depth?

Kaoru: Yes, yes. That's the one that's actually getting straightened out little by little (laughs). But you can't tell unless you listen carefully. The first shot is a bit choppy, so you can understand it, but the second half is very year-round and you may not understand it. It's interesting to understand.

-As I unraveled Oboro, using what you taught me as a hint, I felt like I was getting deeper and deeper into it.

Kaoru: Yes, I think it will be fun, so please listen carefully. Well, I'll try not to make you sit down (laughs).

-I'm a passenger, though, lol.

Kaoru: It's just something I came up with. But it wouldn't be interesting to have a song where everything is played, or where all the voices are heard, or where all the sounds of the five players must be heard because it's a band. If that's the case, then the guitar doesn't have to be played loudly.

-Did completing this song make what you wanted to do for the album clearer?

Kaoru: It's just that now that "Oboro" is done, I don't think there will be any more songs like this one (laughs). But we originally wrote this song as a ballad, and the album's ballad will be released as a single first. "Oboro" exists in my mind only as a single song, so I think I need a song with a different selection.

-Are you starting to give shape to it?

Kaoru: No, it takes a lot of time. It takes a lot of time for me and my team members to get to know each other. It's hard to find something that says, "Oh, you don't have to think that hard". So I try not to think about it (laughs).

-That's just like Dr. Den who is in album production mode (laughs). I always send the best car with the best machine to the landing place.

Kaoru: It's true. I can't decide, or rather I don't want to decide. I want to use the possibilities to the fullest as they grow. The members say to me, "Shouldn't you decide what kind of album you want to make?“ I usually answer, "No, I'd like to keep it a little more vague“. This always lasts until the second half of the album production (laughs).

-Since last year you haven't been able to perform live as much as you'd like, does that put you in a better frame of mind to concentrate on writing songs?

Kaoru: We haven't toured for a year now, we used to tour twice a year. Now I think there were hints in the casual conversations I had with the members in the dressing rooms before the gigs. I would get an idea for a song from a casual conversation, like "this song might fit this way". So I think it would be better if I had a chance to talk to the band members.

-Conversations with the members are different during the writing period and in the dressing room. In the dressing room, they might express their honest opinions, so it's easier to understand what they are thinking about.

Kaoru: Yes, that's true. It's hard to see because we don't have that now.

-Is your biggest input from your members?

Kaoru: I want to make decisions myself, but there are many things I can't decide. If the members say "it's good", I think "oh, it's good". I don't know if it's the right answer on my own.

-At the audience concert in May, I was asked to start by talking with the 5 members in the dressing room.

Kaoru: I don't think we have time for that (laughs). It's been a long time since I've been to a live concert.

-When the magazine goes on sale, the live performance will be in a few days. It's been a long time since you've done a live power exchange with the audience, how are you feeling now?

Kaoru: I sent my ideas for the setlist to the members just the other day, but no one responded, so I don't know if they think it's okay or if they'll think about it after rehearsal (laughs). I'm not sure how that will feel. But I'm not worried at all. I'm sure it will be nothing but a DIR EN GREY concert. Also, in a situation like this, everyone has their own opinion, and it doesn't mean that those who come to see the show are right. It will be the first one, or the beginning, or if it is the first step to get something, it will be the second step, so I would like to think about it after we try it.

Text/ YUKINOBU HASEGAWA, HIROKI KATAGIRI [GiGS/Equipment]

Photo/ REISHI EGUMA [C-LOVe CREATORS]

Translations by me.

[fanficsandfluff]

That Damned Laugh

To the anon who informed me of Rainbow Rowell's RACISM, i am writing this for my love of the characters, not the author's writing skill or fame. fuck her. i am still very much aware of what she wrote about and how she portrayed a character, but i cannot stop this inspiration when it comes to me. (wait to be clear to everyone reading this who hadn't seen the anons and my discussion, carry on wasnt the accused racist book. that was something else.)

If you, anon, end up seeing this and maybe don't like what I'm doing or whatnot, I'd love to hear from you again.

For those of you who maybe do practice Death of the Author, I hope you enjoy!

Fandom: Carry On

Characters: Simon Snow, Baz Pitch

Words: 1,905

~~~~~

BAZ

Simon Snow does not laugh, full stop.

(Well, to be fair I'm not a cackler much myself, but I do at least guffaw from time to time.)

Snow spent so much of his youth being weighed down by the 'Chosen One' moniker and being tormented by yours truly. Still, I know of that little list he kept of things he liked about Watford and all its experiences and people. It seemed he did take joy in most of it all. After all, I'm sure he had fun at Bunce's house on many an occasion.

But just being around him and in this way for a while now, you start to notice. He's seen me laugh. A few times, in fact. And hard. I'm not very proud of it; what that man can do to me and make me do. He doesn't like when I cover my hand over my smile. It's habit, though, I've reminded him countless times. The fangs and all. We're working on it.

But Simon may just smile or huff. I've giggled with him on our particularly soft nights or togethertimes.

All this to say... I've found a new hobby/goal/obsession recently.

Make Simon Snow laugh.

My cheekiness all these years has kept my humor to cruel, lowbrow tones. Maybe it makes me less funny, I don't know. But once or twice I'd nail a comeback or snarky one-liner (of course with a bit of flirt thrown in) and Snow will giggle and shake his head. But that's all I've achieved! A small, pandering, boring -- though still admirably adorable -- (Damn that Snow) giggle.

I've moved on to physical humor. I tried throwing myself dramatically over him when he's in bed, but he just seems to think it's all part of my Pitch flair.

Today I made a minor breakthrough.

I was in the kitchen trying to mix myself a smoothie. Bunce has been gushing about a smoothie craze for weeks now, so I finally figured why not. The damn lid wasn't on tight enough. Not-yet-smooth smoothie shot everywhere. There was a pause as it happened, my one hand on the Liquify button, my other resting nonchalantly atop the lid that didn't do any lidding, dammit.

Snow looked up at me from his seat by the kitchen counter, eyes drawn from his phone. A beat. He barked out a laugh. A much louder one than I think I'd ever heard him make.

"Put a sock in it, Snow," I growled, to keep with my facade, though inside I was jittery with glee. I wanted to hear more.

Snow convinced me to binge a new show. Crime Minds. Something like that. No, criminal. It's Criminal Minds.

You wouldn't expect this to be a series fit enough for a cuddle, but Snow and I are an unexpected couple. So it works.

A few dumb jokes are littered throughout the show, in between corpses and the same police station set being reorganized and shot from different angles every episode. One such joke was so inconspicuous and so nothing that I cannot even recall it now. But both Snow and I chuckled at it. Then Snow made an additional comment to it, making me laugh. And soon we were both giggling together like schoolboys, like we had early on when we were maybe still a bit bashful with each other.

He shoved his face into my ribs and snorted when I whispered the new inside joke much later on in the episode. I was also grinning like a madman, but the soft tickle his action gave me didn't exactly---

Oh.

In bed. Perfect. Lovers fool around all the time in bed. Not fool around as in sex--well, no, of course sex, but I mean they also play around-- never mind.

SIMON

Baz has been acting off lately. I can't quite put my finger on what it is. He seems distracted. More like how I act. I'm always thinking of something else, not able to stay focused on one thing for long. He's like that, but trying to act like he isn't.

We're doing something odd today. We're in bed at sunset. It's hardly sunset, as a matter of fact. The sun isn't seeping orange and red into the flat yet. Penelope took us out on a hike today. It tuckered the both of us out. Baz drained a buck when we got home.

I'm laying perpendicular to Baz (or is it parallel? composite? I could never remember mathematics), my legs resting over his stomach. He's reading and I'm playing a puzzle app on my phone.

BAZ

Now's the time, Baz. Just do it, don't think.

His socked feet are right in front of me. There's only been a handful of times we've sat in this position, half of them being my lower half resting on Simon's sturdier upper half. It's now or never.

I stare at his feet for too long, zoning out and forgetting that I was left staring at them, so it definitely looked like I have a fetish for feet. Which I don't. Focus, Basilton.

I take a finger-- no, two fingers. I scratch quickly at his heel. His leg jerks, foot being pulled back.

"What?" he asks me, as if I hadn't been plotting this for weeks. As if I just did it to get his attention.

"Something on the bottom of your sock, love."

Simon went right back to his head hanging upside down off the side of the bed, phone held out in front of his eyes.

Well, that proved one thing. He's ticklish.

He places his ankles right back where they originally were, crossed, atop my stomach. I try again, this time on his arch. I apply more pressure.

"Bahaz!" Simon shakes his foot out, "Is that how you start a foot massage?"

"Would you like a foot massage?"

"No. Not if it's going to tickle like that."

My cheeks heat up. Damn that buck. I'm rosier than I usually am.

"You're ticklish?" I ask, coolly. I barely stuttered.

"I wouldn't try it," he's back to looking at his phone again, "Penny did once and I nearly broke her elbow or something. She wouldn't stop talking about it for days."

"So you're very ticklish, then."

"Don't," this is the first time Snow seems to tense up.

There's a moment of quiet between us. A tense quiet. I lunge for his ankles and he shoots up into a sitting position. I scratch at his arch with four fingers now and he screams.

"Baz!" Simon whines a bit and he somehow yanks his legs free, not without losing one of his socks in my grip.

SIMON

He's grinning at me. No. Sneering.

I still hate when he does that. Reminds me of back when I wanted to throttle him. Sometimes I still do.

"Baz," I warn. His whole posture changes into a predator's, like he's the lion and I'm his fresh zebra. The new stance sends a shiver down my spine, with his shoulders hunched and all, ready to pounce.

"Baz... Baz, Baz, Baz..." I say over and over again because he's smiling at me, and then I start to smile, too, "Bahaz!" I try once more, but his name is all that's coming out, and now I'm giggling. I'm nervous. He did this to me.

BAZ

He's already giggling and I haven't even laid a hand on him.

"Yes, Snow?" I respond to his many calls of my name before I lurch forward, sending my whole body crashing on top of his and trying to pin him. I dig my fingers into his sides and don't stop for as long as I can maintain contact through his squirming.

"Gehehet off!" he's already crumbling, words being broken up with short laughs.

I slide my fingertips to his stomach and scratch there; Snow bucks. It gets even better when my cold fingers make contact with his warm skin beneath the shirt he's wearing. He yelps like I've never heard him yelp (like he's burnt his finger, but he's also 11-years-old again), and he dissolves into loud, beautiful laughter.

"St-Stohohop! Baz! I'm going to end you!"

"Isn't that how we always said it would end? Snuffing each other out? I'm perfectly happy that it's now going to end in my favor. You should've told me you were this easy to defeat earlier on, Snow."

"Shut up!" he cackles, legs kicking wildly behind me, as my body is thrown over his torso. Now I have both my hands buried into his sides, squeezing and squeezing. I get curious, my cheeks still burning with blood, and I lean down to his neck and... (no, I don't bite) I start nibbling. Snow loses it.

His whole face scrunches up, as I watch when I pull my head back. His smile is huge and bright. And the laughs bubble up from his stomach, releasing softer into the air like he sucked a little of the joy from it before releasing to keep for himself.

"Dohon't do that!"

"I thought you love my kisses."

"Not tha-HAAT!"

He shrieks again, hands too slow to stop my face from moving in. I nibble and even lick a few times, careful not to touch him with my fangs.

Did I mention that my hands are still tickling at his sides and ribs while I'm nibbling? Oh yes, I've waited so long for this sound. I wasn't going to make it come out lightly.

I blow a raspberry and that's when Snow's laughter catches and turns all hiccuppy. The noises are infecting me, starting to make me giggle. I shift, and my face now descends towards his stomach, which is bared after I rucked the shirt up.

SIMON

"TYRANNUS BASILTON G-GRIMM FUCKING PITCH-- OR WHATEVER YOUR LONG STUPID ARSEHOLE NAME IS--"

He's laughing at me. I keep laughing even without him tickling me.

"I swehehear I'm going to fucking kill you and your whole family if you do that dohown thehere--" I'm hiccuping. Crowley, how embarrassing.

BAZ

He's got me. I can hardly breathe from laughter. I keel over into him or he into me, but soon we're a laughing pile together on top of the mussed up sheets on the bed.

I make a loud snort and that reels us both back in again, laughing til we're red in the face and til my cheeks hurt.

Simon is giggling away, taking deep breaths to try and calm himself, but he just keeps on giggling. I'm able to sit up a little more and Snow's head is in my lap. He's beaming and looking up at me through squinted, teary eyes.

"That was fun," I say, and I don't think it's the brightest or smartest thing to say. But I say it.

"I love you," Snow's smile is still wide, like he's drunk from it. There's a moment where I feel like I've died again, color drained from me.

It doesn't seem to bother him, that he's said that. For the first time. I run my fingers through his reddish curls once, letting them tangle in the locks towards the back of his head. I hunch myself down so I can kiss him.

"I've wanted to hear that for so long," I whisper.

"That I love you? You haven't figured it out by now?"

"No, you idiot," I say with nothing but fondness, brushing my nose along Simon's jaw, "Your laugh."

[shotorokiworld]

emotive .1

pairing: daisuke kanbe x fem!reader

warnings: not really any yet....

summary: the story of how and why daisuke kanbe fell in love with you. proving once again, that opposites attract 

a/n: this is my first time posting my writing anywhere so I may or may not have panicked a little. there are probably some mistakes i didn’t fix, as i was rereading i kept overthinking things so i just said screw it (like how daisuke kinda comes off a little creepy but idk i swear i already have part 2 written and it gets better). oh and one other thing! i have never read the manga and i based his personality solely off of the first episode of the show, which might’ve been a bad move but we’ll see. please enjoy!

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Daisuke Kanbe is known as a cold, collected(despite his reckless tendencies), intimidating man, which he is. What very little emotion he shows comes in the form of a cocky smirk or a challenging raise of his eyebrows, if even that. He likes it that way and he enjoys the fact that people perceive him this way.

People can’t stand not being able to read other’s faces or get a rise out of them. This just gives him yet another advantage while he’s working on cases in the field. Suspects and witnesses alike tend to crumble under his gaze, they can’t figure out what he’s thinking, they can’t call his bluff, and before you know it, words are spilling out of them.

It’s not like he doesn’t have any emotions, it’s just been so long since he’s experienced most of them. The adrenaline rush he gets from acting so reckless on the job is the closest thing to excitement or fear he’s felt in years. If it weren’t for those moments, life would be such a boring existence for a man like Daisuke.

All of this makes it a bit easier to understand why he fell in love with you. You were so different from him, you were warm, inviting, and all kinds of people were drawn to you. Normally, Daisuke couldn’t stand people like that, they gave him migraines. However, there was one thing that set you apart from the majority. The way you felt everything so intensely. You never tried to hide the way you were feeling, even if you could. Your face was easy to read, you didn’t hide behind a facade, anyone would describe you as an open book.

This is what made him gravitate towards you in the first place. He had never met anyone so open and unashamed of bearing their soul to the world. It almost made his head spin trying to understand how your mind worked.

At first he would just watch you more intently in the office, where you worked as a secretary. Then he would find himself thinking about you while he’s out in the field; his eyebrows would pull together ever-so-slightly in annoyance. He doesn’t want to think about the obnoxiously kind, headache-inducing enigma that is you. Though just two weeks later that’s all he seems to be able to think about, and he’s given up trying not to. His mind was filled with questions that needed answers.  

There is only so much observing someone from afar can tell you about them. Having only spoken 15 words to you, at most, in the few weeks you had been working in the office, didn’t help much either. If he was gonna figure you out, he was gonna have to put in some effort. You’re so open with the people around you, so one conversation should be enough to satiate his curiosity, right? Wrong. It only made things worse for him.

It had been a quiet day, a few members of the staff had been let go early but you were still there and Daisuke sat lounging at his desk. He knew this would be the perfect time to strike. Not only was the office dead, but if you questioned his sudden curiosity in you, he could play if off as boredom. Just as he had made the decision, you were walking by his desk, lunch box in hand. Without hesitation, his arm juts out in front of you, blocking your path, and stopping you in your tracks. Your eyes widen a bit in surprise before you turn to him with your typical kind expression, tilting your head to the side in question.

“Daisuke? Everything alright?,” you asked in a sweet, curious tone.

When his gaze finally rose to meet yours, he had the same bored look on his face that he normally does, which took you some time to get used to. The first few days of working in the office you had assumed he didn’t like you, or that you had done something to upset him already. Those assumptions died when you realized that everyone in the office got the same treatment, but that didn’t stop Daisuke from noticing your face drop or the way you wouldn’t look him in the eye while talking to him during that time.

Things were different now though, you held eye contact and didn’t uncomfortably fidget while waiting for his response. He waited a few moments to answer, taking in your demeanor.

“Sit with me?” It was a question, technically, but it didn’t sound like one coming from him. He knew you wouldn’t say no, you were too amicable to do that.

He was right. You moved to sit in the seat only a few feet away, although not before pausing to give him a confused look then ultimately shrugging it off and joining him. You placed your lunch down on the desk in front of you and saw from the corner of your eye that he was just watching you as you unpacked your meal, not moving to do the same. You looked relaxed as you moved, but he could tell by the way you chewed at the inside of your cheek, and the way that your eyes darted around the desktop, that you were nervous.

So he’ll start by simply breaking the ice, casually asking “how are you liking your job so far?” You’d be a bit surprised that he asked, considering he doesn’t seem like the type of man to enjoy small talk, but you perk up anyway.

“I’m really enjoying it actually,” you tell him with a bright smile, “everyone is so nice, and it keeps me on my toes, so I’m never really bored.”

“You fit in well. Where did you work before you came here?” His eyes never leave your face, he doesn’t want to miss a single movement.

“I was a university hired tutor, my school offered me a position as a composition tutor so I could have a steady income while looking for a job I really wanted,” you explained, no hesitation in your response.

“And you wanted to be a secretary for a bunch of second rate detectives?” He tilted his head every so slightly, to watch and see if he had pressed any of your buttons.

Which he had, your eyebrows drew closer together and you shook your head, “well first, I don’t consider any of you to be second rate, and second no being a secretary isn’t my end goal, I’m not exactly sure what the right job for me is just yet,” you turned to him and shrugged, “I just know I want to be part of the team that keeps the people in this city safe.” Then you gave him a big smile and stuffed a bite of food into your mouth.

Daisuke wanted to know the reason behind that decision but he decided to dive into that rabbit hole at a later date. So he kept asking you things, nothing too personal at first, he was letting you get comfortable answering his questions without overthinking or hesitating. He had figured out pretty early on that you were a bit oblivious to certain things. Here you sat, happily talking Daisuke’s ear off while you enjoyed your lunch. Not once did you find it even a bit odd that he was asking you so many questions, but not once giving you the chance to ask your own or say anything about himself. Why was that so interesting and frustrating at the same time?

As time went on Daisuke started trying to dig a little deeper, asking you things a little more personal than your average lunch break would involve. This went unnoticed by you, but he had barely begun to scrape the surface when the phone on your desk rang across the room.

That was the end of his interrogation, work began to pick up, and Daisuke found himself feeling disappointed. He didn’t want to stop talking to you, even though it was more like listening to you speak while he hung onto every word.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[marzipanandminutiae]

you asked and I am desperate for an excuse to happy to deliver! presenting A Point-By-Point Takedown of This BS Doll Article By Some Lady Calling Herself A Professional Antiques Appraiser

so she starts off with a random story about how she was in a warehouse doing appraisals and a dresser started glowing, and when she looked in the dresser the source of the glow was an antique doll. this convinced her that dolls “carry the energy of wicked little girls.” but not all of them! anyway now she’s scared of dolls. but not really. but yes, really

...okay then

she then shares a doll one E.H. sent her photos of for appraisal

(Pretty! French fashion doll, I’d say maybe a Barrois or an early Bru, late 1860s.  You can tell by the distinctive “cobalt blue” eyes, that deep sapphire shade that only appears in the earliest era of FFs. Wig looks original, almost certainly mohair, and she has some sort of blouse or gown on that seems antique from the look of the lace. Could be a modern-made garment with antique materials. She’d probably fetch over $1,000 at auction unless there's some REALLY bad damage elsewhere on her person.)

EH’s one doll has a fabulous body that points to its age as 3rd quarter 19th century, because the body is made of fine-grained hand stitched leather. So what follows is a rough explanation of how you can determine if your doll is OLD, and that of course influences value – to an extent. The older dolls that are valuable are ALSO rare. And by the 1890’s dolls really were NOT rare.

Couple of issues with this. first of all, kid leather bodies can be seen on dolls as far back as the 1820s and as late in time as the early 1920s. the typical French fashion bodies were fairly distinctive,  but just saying that the material determines the age isn’t correct. or if it is, it’s not a very precise dating

also like...what even is the last sentence? dolls weren’t rare in the 1890s. dolls weren’t rare in the 1860s. dolls can be made out of literally anything, at any price point, and have been present in almost every culture in human history. dolls, as a broad category, have never been inherently rare

if she’s saying dolls from the 1890s are not considered rare by today’s standards...oh honey, meet my dear friend the Simon and Halbig 1159

(This doll is c. 1900. This doll fetched $1,800 at auction. What was that about age determining value, again?)

also maybe Google “German art character dolls.” friendly suggestion

Another fact about doll valuation is that the best antique dolls are not replicas of children, but are replicas of fabulously well-dressed young women.

this is so ridiculous I laughed out loud. there is no single “best” type of antique doll. some people will pay top dollar for Kewpies, others for 1880s child dolls, others still for first-issue Barbies. there are examples that are the rarest in their class of doll, sure, but no one class dominates across the board. it’s one thing to say a certain type is your favorite and another to say it’s the Best(TM) as a professional appraiser

My favorite fashionable young lady dolls, French or German, have leather bodies made of kid leather, stuffed with cork or sawdust. When you check the bodies, look for tight stitching at the joints, because, if the arms and legs are meant to move, they must be compress seamed. That makes sense because with the stuffing, a moved joint will pop open if not sewn correctly. Look for another overlay of leather at the joint called a gusset, which indicates greater value. Only the legs, the body, and the top of the arms and shoulders will be made of leather. The arms will be creamy porcelain or bisque, or sometimes a wood pulp combination composite material. You will notice the head and shoulder plate fits in a U-curve around the shoulders, which are leather and affixed expertly.

couple of things

1. not all FFs have the bisque lower arms- that’s a rarity point, not the norm. most with leather bodies have leather arms, too.

(This is my Jeanette. She has leather arms. Guess she’s not really a French fashion doll, then, despite her markings, face painting, face mold, body construction, eye type, and literally everything else about her!)

2. this describes most reproduction FFs out there, and many bodies used for German child dolls later on. so unless you’re planning to give people other things to look for, not entirely helpful

oh but wait! here are the other things to look for! let’s venture

The best French Fashion dolls wear the latest styles and little girls never played with them. Wealthy fashionistas in the 3rd quarter of the 19th century collected them.

remember, all that contemporary hand-wringing about little girls being corrupted by their fashionable “Paris dolls” was planted by Big Children(TM). #wakeupsheeple #thetruthisoutthere

These come in the finest white leather bodies with a nice bust line and quite wide hips, as we know as the style for the shapely ladies of the 1870 and 1880’s.

...who’s going to tell her leather bodies are definitely not the finest

can it be me

can it be me with my Charlotte, who has one of the rarest wooden body types that I’m still not sure how I got for such a (relative) steal

can it be us, perched on the end of her bed, at midnight

The hairstyles of real human hair will also be ‘period’, and some will have real gem jewelry. These weren’t meant as toys for a middle class little girl. These were expensive and can sell today for a couple thousand dollars in perfect shape. Surprisingly the leather has withstood time if well preserved.

as I said earlier, for French fashions, mohair (wool from an angora goat) was a WAY more common wig material than human hair. sometimes the hair will be down, not in a “period” style, because it was meant to be played with and styled by the child owner

real gem jewelry DID exist for these dolls, but most of what you’re likely to find is of rhinestones and gilt. that was much more common, as you’d expect

a middle-class little girl, if she was very lucky, might be able to count one middling or lower-range French lady among her dolls. they were expensive, but, well, middle-class girls often have one American Girl doll today, right? these dolls ranged in price from AG-level to “this was bought for a young princess and has that real gem jewelry mentioned above”

her price assessment is accurate for the majority of FFs, with outliers on either end ranging from “got really lucky with a seller who didn’t know what they had” to “a museum bought this doll because not even the richest collectors could afford to.” but...well, just keep that “couple of thousand dollars” figure in your mind for later

Let’s compare this leather-bodied doll with another cheaper type of body. In the late 19th century a ball-jointed body could be made of a wood pulp composition material, or even Papiermâché with little hinges of wood at the joints. Of course, since these bodies are wood based, they’re painted, and you’ll find the ghastly colors, as the once flesh tones turn to green or olive.

remember that doll from 1900 I showed you? 

she has a jointed composition body

$1,800

I do not feel any further comment is necessary at this juncture

(leather bodies came to be considered something of a budget option when the jointed compo bodies came into common use, because they couldn’t be posed and took less work/expense to make)

Finally, let’s think about the heads, if we dare.

oh bite me

Most heads are made of a porcelain type of material, and in this case, the porcelain is usually white with a painted ON skin tone. If the head is Bisque, bisque is material that will take a color or stain into itself and is often not painted nor glazed. The porcelain heads are more prized.

okay kids

porcelain is a type of very fine, translucent ceramic. it can be made matte, often called bisque, or shiny and glossy, often called china

(this stylish miss by Francois Gaultier is of matte bisque, the most common type of porcelain finish used for French fashion dolls. she’s also rocking the baby bangs look, and kudos to her for that)

(this early girl by Rohmer, on the other hand, has a glossy, shiny china head. note again the cobalt-blue eyes, another clue to her age. this is rarer than matte bisque for French fashions, though German glazed china dolls with molded hair could be quite commonplace depending on many factors like size, body type, hairstyle, etc.)

complicating everything further, a lot of older and even contemporary sources can use “bisque,” “porcelain,” and “china” interchangeably. context is key. but in modern terms, that’s sort of the breakdown

ding dong this blogger is wrong

You’ll see what I mean when I say dolls are sometimes too lifelike for my taste–or my nightmares. Notice the toes on EH’s doll. Pretty obsessive. The value is unknown until I find the maker of the doll, but a rough estimate might be $600, because the outfit seems original.

stitched toes are normal on kid-bodied French fashions in the most common size range (14″-17″). also

(The actual picture provided)

THIS gives you nightmares? really? I have Many Questions

also remember that valuation from earlier? a couple of thousand dollars? yeah. now she comes back with $600

depending on size, condition, and costume intricacy, I’ve seldom seen a doll of this type sell for less than $1,700 at auction (source: the online catalogue of past auctions at Theriault’s, the premier doll auction house in the U.S., and also personal experience)

and that’s a problem because the doll’s owner is PAYING for this “appraiser’s” services. they’re PAYING for an accurate idea of what they have and what it’s worth, whether for selling or insurance purposes. even if it’s just out of personal curiosity, you shouldn’t be swindled for a slew of misinformation and half-truths capped off by a wildly inaccurate dollar value

also the Creepy Doll stuff is massively unprofessional

Marzi out

[pandoraimperatrix]

hey Pandoraimperatix, my friend I would like to request sunflower Behave Yourself Make Me for Batcat and Violet Stop staring at me to distract me!" "Oh , I'm not staring to distract you ." for Dickkory.

Sorry for the huge delay, it has been busy lately.

We go back to the Titans AU that only exists in my heart in a time between season one and two in which Trigon is gone, but the core four + Jason are living together as a family and the rest of the adults Titans are... Dunno.

Beware, this is so sugary I’m now dependent of insulin.

--------

It started as a regular game night, and for the first two hours or so it really happened as it should.

Gar was in charge of food, so even though everything in the menu was vegetarian he managed to serve a delicious feast with plenty decadent deep fried snacks that Dick would never approve, there was no cauliflower pizza nonsense and frizzy drinks with real sugar in their composition among the diet options.

Rachel fixed the games, Gar offered, but she dismissed him saying that he had too much a niche taste and Jason would only pick the boring battle ones. Besides, she was better at guessing which kind of game would entertain their family without causing a horrible fight over whom was owing whom rent at monopoly or something.

Jason was in charge of music, because he was the only one of the whole team with a decent taste. Or that's what he claimed.

Dick and Kory were not allowed to have any say in the game night activities, the kids said they were merely invited to join. Dick, being true to his namesake wanted to forbid the whole thing, already thinking of all the many ways a night of fun and games could turn into chaos and disgrace. But when Rachel proposed it, she already expected that from him, and that’s why she asked him right after Kory’s morning flight, so when she entered the room, skin glowing fresh from a sunbath, he seemed to had lost the train of his thoughts, mumbling something incoherent, Rachel took that as a yes and ran with it.

But after all the food was gone the strangest thing started to happen. Stranger than Jason going to bed early instead of throwing a fit after losing three rounds or darts in a row. Dick was worried and even tried to talk to him, worried he was just self-isolating out of frustration, but when he went to the boy's room found him actually reading, that gave him a weird mix of surprise and bittersweet joy over his little brother's evolution. He was better now, and didn't need him as much.

But when he went back to the living room there was only Kory.

“Where are Gar and Rachel?”

Kory took a while to answer because she had just stuffed her mouth with a particular big deep fried veggie dumpling, Dick tried to not fixate too much on how plump and kissable her lips were, but he probably didn’t make a very good job. All those long acting classes with Alfred growing up and now, twenty years and an alien princess after, he suddenly couldn’t hide his feelings. Dishonour on him, dishonour on his bats.

“Could have asked you the same,” she said finally swallowing down, and now it was her elegant neck and the dark path to her cleavage that was catching his eyes. Damn, it should be worrisome how much pull she had over him. It was true that he had a past o falling in love with his female teammates and it usually ended badly, but there was something different about him and Kory. While with Dawn and Babs there was always the shadow of this other man he supposed to be, a better man, and the weight of the expectations he put on himself and that he felt at the time that his exes added to, crushed their relationship.

Kory… Well, even after meeting Bruce last time they went to Gotham to officialise Jason’s situation – and also a move orchestrated by Alfred to meet his new grandchildren – she didn’t change with him. Of course, she didn’t have years of indoctrinating to find Batman the most amazing man in existence,  but even after learning his status, and listening to stories about him, she didn’t look as impressed as people usually did. And for some crazy miracle, she was still very much interested in him, Dick, whom she already knew better than most people, maybe even better than Donna, and enough to know all his worst faults, enough to tell him he was being stupid when he let all his paranoia and inferiority complex make him act out. And she was still there, in love with him.

“Are they coming back? There’s still food.”

“Who’s to say?” she said in a nonchalant tone, as she picked the fallen darts from the floor.

He crossed his arms, eying her with amused suspicion.

“Miss Anders, what are you planning?”

“Me?” she asked over her shoulder. “Nothing at all,” and he didn’t believe a bit, but waited and she straighten up, turning back to face him. “But we don’t need the kids to have fun, do we?”

And he could have died right there, the last thing he’d see was the smile she was giving to him, his favourite, that was in equal measures playful, promising, innocent and very dirty. That picture alone with be worthier than any paradise.

Dick walked towards her, and positioned his body behind hers, framing her hips with his hands. “Depending of the type of fun you have in mind…” he said against her ear after pulling her hair aside.

Kory clicked her tongue in disapproval, but leaned back into him slightly, “Grayson, Grayson, what a naughty mind you have.” She prepared to throw a dart and recoiled when he kissed her neck. “I was merely trying to challenge you for a darts’ competition.”

“Yeah?”

She turned her face to look at him, her eyes glowing so green in the way he learned it meant she was getting aroused.

“Yes.”

Dick let her go and didn’t comment when she let out a disappointed sigh.

“I accept,” he took a sip of his own sugar free pop and regretted immediately because it became flat after being forgotten for so long, “what do I get when I win?”

“Cocky, aren’t we?”

“In time.”

She bended in half unable to hide her giggles.

“You are ridiculous.”

He just pouted.

Kory rolled her eyes in amusement, took a deep breath to calm herself and prepared to throw her first dart.

"Stop staring at me to distract me!" She complained.

"Oh, I'm not staring to distract you."

She threw it and it missed, badly. Dick pressed his lips but wasn’t able to hold his own laughter.

“That’s your fault!” her face was glowing golden, and Dick resented the fact they didn’t get to meet earlier, how had been Kory as a teenager? Was she easier to rile up back then? Nowadays, she was the coolest person he ever met, cooler than Bruce, than his uncle Clark. It was the rarest thing to see Kory act in a self-conscious way, and he would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy this newfound power he had. The power to make Princess Koriand’r blush.

“I’ll be more careful now when you start throwing starbolts around from now on,” he teased.

“I’ll use you as my training target, then” was her comeback.

“I think I’ll be fine.”

She sighed and turned back to him, her hands on her hips.

“Why are you torturing me?”

He gave her his best kicked puppy look.

“We are here, all alone, and all you care about is some dumb game…”

Kory’s face broke in one of her full smiles and she threw the darts without even looking, all of them bull’s eye, and walked towards him, hugging him by the neck. 

“Awnnnn, is that it? Why didn’t you say earlier?”

He let go of his demure stance and in a display of his true intentions hoisted her up by her backside, Kory let out an elated exclamation and adjusted her arms grabbing his face and bringing their lips together.

“Hmm,” he made as she parted from his lips to let him breathe and spread kisses down his neck, “can we really? Won’t they come back?”

“Nah,” she said licking his ear, “I gave them money.”

“Not only she has a very good aim, but she’s also so smart,” he mumbled as he walked them to the sofa.

“Aren’t I a catch?” she said opening her legs to accommodate him after he lied her body on the cushions, and pushed his floppy hair back behind his ear, “aren’t you lucky?”

“The luckiest,” and he kissed her.

[genaleah]

ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible. 

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that. 

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually. 

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done. 

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess?  🤔  I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc.  It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM  Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with. 

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite. 

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join: 

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.