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annmarcus63 · 3 years

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The kindest thing

“Yes yes, I remember the I don't need anyone needing me situation, but well, here we are, don't you know? you are my very best friend on the whole wide world"

Geralt's heart is broken but Jaskier intends of heal him with kindness.

-I wanted to post this here again, because I can and I want to. Sorry for my bad english. Love you.-

Here's the link to ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114205

The war has shaken all the realms, everyone everywhere talks about the tragic death of queen Calanthe and the wiped out of her army, people fearfully whisper about the mountains of corpses the Nilfgaardian army leaves at its wake. Jaskier awakes sweating and trembling on a cold night, his chest contracting despite his controlling breathing. He fears the war, of course, but not for him, he’s safely away after all, whta is war for a bard but geat songs. He fears for certain witcher and his child surprise. News about princess Ciri's death haven't reached him, he really really hopes she's ok, again not for him but for Geralt. Because although the witcher has never showed any interest in the child, the bard knows the loss could be too great for the witchers' heart. Yes, he believes Geralt holds a heart, big and hard to reach, but a heart no less.

It's been over a year since that dreadful day on the mountaintop. Over a year since that scornful words and the look that spoke volumes. Jaskier healed himself with music and dancing, also with the normal tears rivering down his cheeks every now and then. Jaskier wasn't a stranger at traveling alone, after all he and Geralt used to part ways more often than not, even though that used to happen after months and months of traveling together. He forced himself to picked his broken heart, rebuilded even if he still could see the cracks.

After the sadness came the anger. Anger for the unfairness thrown so casually against him. How dares he? How. Dares. He? all those years of friendship and loyalty repaid with words aimed to pierce, and pierce they did. Words that were the outcome of the witchers' broken heart, because Yennefer had walked away from Geralt despite the love he feel for her. True love or not, it was still love. Jaskier was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And then came the sorrow for his sweet witcher, and his perpetual broken heart. He wasn't justifying the harshful words and his own broken heart, of course not, but at least he now understands why Geralt said what he said. He needed to broke something, even if that something was their friendship. Oh that idiotic emotionally abused witcher, if only Jaskier could mend him back together, if only Geralt let him. And one day the opportunity presented itself. After a very glorious performance at the local inn, he heard a couple of farmers gossiping about a witcher fighting an Alp no far from there. In all his traveling years he has never encountered with a witcher other than Geralt, he hopes that same fortune still follows him around. He packs his lute and the rest of his possessions to get back to the road. Asking is always the best resource if you want to find someone or something, and is oddly easy to locate Geralt.

Maybe destiny is part of their relationship, not that he'd ever mention it to the witcher.

An old woman point him to a road towards Kaedwen. Uh, So he's going to Kaer Morhen. He considers himself lucky to find him before disappearing like he used to every winter.

He walks and walks until the smell of smoke reaches his nose, he has learned a thing or two from Geralt about tracking, thank you very much, he's not that useless. Again maybe destiny is helping him, he's not that good, you see.

He goes through the trees until reaching a small clear and the unmistakable arrange of a camp. He sees a small figure, a girl with a black cloak covering her face, tending a very familiar horse. He clutches at his lute strap, by Melitele he's so fucking nervous, his heart beating frantically against his ribcage, his ears stuffed with white noise.

What if Geralt sends him away without a word? what if he spat more hurtful words? what if he's not welcome? Well, at least he'd have tried.

"Hi" he says softly

The child tense visibly, slowly she takes a step away from Roach and turns around.

"You better go before he sees you" so young age and so much steel in her voice, no wait-

"Princess?"

"Bard?" of course he returned to Cintra after the child surprise incident, Queen's Calanthe court liked so much his first performance that he was invited to play three more times, one on Ciri's birthday. He is the best bard of all the continent after all.

Of course Geralt would find her, of course. He felt a wave of pride surging from his chest. He did it, he found her. He was not alone.

“Jaskier?” Oh that voice, that damn voice reverberating on every fiber of his skin. And suddenly the witcher is there, in all his splendour, sword on one hand but he's not wearing his armor.

"Hello Geralt" and he gifts him with a sweet smile, despite the sweat on his palms and the creeping terror of being rejected. But Geralt doesn't said anything, doesn't move, some may think he's a statue. "Don't worry I won't stay long, I only want to talk if you allow me" he didn't came with the intention of staying, no, he'll respect the witchers blessing no matter what.

More than a year full of a banquet of emotions for the witcher, oh and how he love him still.

The silence stretch for long seconds, it may be hours for all he knows. And just when he's about to turn back to were he come from..

"I'll stay with Roach to give you privacy" dear Ciri says and Geralt nods rather insecure and Jaskier's heart aches at the picture. Jaskier follows Geralt to the camp, not that far from Roach and Ciri but that'll suffice. He's sure Geralt would want to keep an eye on her. The witcher sits against a tree leaving the bedroll for him. Jaskier place gently the lute on the ground not far from him. They sit facing each other.

breathe in breathe out, come on Jaskier you can do this. Bollocks, Geralt probably can sense how nervous he is.

He sees a small twitch on Geralt's lips like he wants to say something and Jaskier freaks out. "No!" he yelps, and then more softly he adds "No, let me talk. You know how much I love the sound of my own voice" he says with a small smile, but Geralt doesn't sees it, he's golden eyes are planted on the grass.

Here goes nothing.

“I've known you for a long time now, Geralt. It may be not that long for you with all your long long years, but it is to me as the fleeting human that I am. You knew me as the annoying bard, and now you know me as the annoying old bard. I've spent most part of my life by your side, if not the best part of it. And I did it gladly, and I would do it again gladly, because I choose to. Even in the first years when you were trying rather desperately to get rid of me. I choose to. Not because of the magnificent songs I wrote but because I liked -like- your company.” Jaskier force himself to stop, a nasty bump forming in his throat, is harder than he though. You are already here, you may as well give it all. "You...you’re all that I have" And this earns him a reaction, Geralt twitch against the tree and sends him a indecipherable look to return it at the same spot on the grass. “Yes yes, I remember the I don't need anyone needing me situation, but well, here we are, don't you know? you are my very best friend on the whole wide world" There, yes, a smile on his lips."You are, my friend. I mean, no matter how many times you denied it. It took me more than two decades to get to know you. It took me five years to know that you would rather spend a night under the stars than in a inn without proper stables for Roach. Ten years to know how much you hate fish but love the rabbit broth I cook. More than ten years to know when to shut up otherwise you'll snap at me, though I admit I've not always follow this knowledge. I could go on and on but not today. And so I know you really didn't mean what you said on the mountain, at least I hope, not completely. You were unfair and cruel. Nothing of what you accused me is my fault, not entirely, but if it’s my fault then you must know I'm truly sorry, If I had known I assure you I would have left your side a long time ago.”

"Not your fault" Geralt says with a weak whisper. And Jaskier feels something loosening up on his chest, carefully he closes the distance between them, knees almost touching. "Good, good. I came to apologize even though I didn't do anything wrong, but you should know that I won't do it again. I'll not tolerate more words with intent to hurt. I'll no longer be taken for granted or tossed aside like a old pair of shoes. Have I made myself clear? Because if you do something like that again, oh by Melitele I promise I'll make you pay.”

"Yes I understand" Answers. The white wolf stripped of all his barriers. He sounds so tired, so broken.

"Oh my sweet sweet witcher" he says lovingly, daring to reach out for a lock of white hair falling above Geralt's cheekbone to tuck it behind his ear. And Geralt for once doesn't pull away. "Life has not been kind to you. But I am, I have and will be kind to you till my last breath. You have me, even thru distance, you can count on me, even if I'm not that resourceful. Look at me Geralt. Yes, there you are. Hi. You have my undying loyalty and consideration, and you know why? because I'm your friend and I love you. By the way I'm amazingly happy for you have finally found your child surprise, although I wish it had been on better circumstances” Geralt smile at him, that small curve on his lips accompanied by the delicate flutter of his eyelids. And Jaskier falls for the man a little bit more. "Oh well, that was intense. I should get going, I'm planning on staying on the road for few more months maybe years who knows? I still have a couple of great songs on my sleeve about our adventures. Oh! and I received a letter from Oxenfurt. They recognize me as one of the best poets of the age. They have a classroom reserved for me, can you imagine? Me? teaching! a terrible idea If you ask me. But i'm not prepared for being the grumpy scholar, not yet if ever, I'll make them wait a few years, if old age doesn't take me first. You must come and visit me there, yes you must! or on the road when all this is over. Don't make me wait that long, ok?” He reach one last time to grab Geralt's wrist and squeeze, fully smiling before standing up, he dusts his fine clothes and hang his lute over his shoulder. "Be safe my witcher and take care of each other" he says loud enough to be heard by Ciri. He approaches the princess in question and Roach who neigh in delight, she's got a soft spot for him and the sugar cubes he always stuff in his pockets, just like the ones currently on his fist. Roach gently took a couple from his open hand.

“You're safe with him, princess”

"I know...and uhmm it's Ciri"

"Ciri” he replies

"Is good to know he have someone" say Ciri in a small voice.

"He’s always had but he needs to be reminded of most of the time.” She nods solemnly, in that moment Jaskier knew she'll grow up to be an excellent warrior even better than Geralt. He hopes he'll be there to witness it. And with that he leaves, throwing a last glance at the witcher, who's still sitting against the tree, lost in thought.

He looks at the sky, nightfall is about to come in more or less two hours, enough time to reach the nearest town to rent a room. He'll not perform, not tonight. Tonight is for him alone. His stomach grumbles embarrassingly loud, he's only eaten bread and a green apple on the entire day. He can't wait to get to the inn to order a plate of the delicious pork he could smell as he passed by. Perhaps he can afford to buy honey pastry, oh yes.

With every step taken away from the camp, he feels like he's finally free, the acid sensation in his chest and throat is no longer there. The sorrow finally gone. Suddenly, subtly, unexpectedly tears began to pour, he's sobbing, but smiling at the same time. He’s undoubtedly content.

Footsteps. Heavy footsteps behind him. He stops.

It can't be.

He turns unhurriedly, and he sees him, sees Geralt running towards him . A desperate expression on his handsome features. And Jaskier knows what's about to happen. With a swiftly movement takes the strap of his lute to let it fall at the ground. Sorry girl.

"...Jaskier" he grunts just before engulfin the bard in those strong arms. Barely recovered from the shock, Jaskier sobs some more on the witcher's shoulder. This is truly happening. Geralt is hugging him like he's an anchor, like he's worth it.

And then Geralt takes his face between his hands, cleaning the still flowing tears with his thumbs. Faces inches apart. "What have I done to deserve you" he whispers with devotion. "You should be angry, you should hate me. I don't deserve..."

"You deserve this and more. Much more." Geralt's eyes are wet and Jaskier feels blessed to be granted the trust to seeing him so open, so vulnerable.

"And you, do you deserve this despicable treatment? Forgive me" Jaskier smiles against the tears, bumping his forehead with Geralt's. "Forgive me"

"There's nothing to forgive, my witcher" Sweetly Geralt guides his lips to his forehead, his eyes, his nose, the corner of his lips. Jaskier may as well die with the happiness surging from every part of his being.

“I wanted to search for you, I was planning on to, after leaving Ciri at Kaer Morhen. You're too far important for me and therefore you're important to Nilfgaard. Come with me, come to Kaer Morhen with us."

"Yes" Because he'll always say yes, no matter what. Yes to this life, to the danger, to the songs. Yes to Geralt. They stayed like that for a long time, holding each other, breathing each other scents, loving each other.

There were still things left unsaid, but it was enough for now. They needed to rest. To hold each other some more, maybe.

#geraskier #jaskier #hurt jaskier #hurt Geralt #geralt of rivia #jaskier x geralt #the witcher

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mrslilyrogers · 4 years

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Betrayal Part 7

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Summary: (AU) Set in New York. You and Bucky have been married for 5 years. He’s the love of your life and you are his. At least, you thought you were until he started slipping away from you, coming home late and smelling of another woman’s perfume? You are in denial. Are you just losing your mind or are you really losing him?

Author’s notes: I’m so so sorry this took so long! I redid the whole thing. We’re going to back up a bit in this chapter and visit the past. Please check the warnings before reading. Also, my requests are open. Send ideas if you’re feeling particularly angsty! Or even fluff, I’d like to try my hand at it. As always, let me know what you think of this chapter! For tags, please send in ask!

Warnings: Cheating, Angst, Abuse, Swearing

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

2 years ago.

Bucky tapped his fingers on the table as he checked his watch again. 8:15. Forty-five minutes late. Again. He let out a huge sigh, barely able to hold himself from scratching his eyes out. The curly-haired waitress went back to him with an apologetic look on her face, “I’m sorry, sir. My manager told me I really need to take your order now. There’s already a line waiting outside…” she let her sentence trail sheepishly. Bucky tried to ignore the heat creeping up his cheeks and gave her an unconvincing smile instead, reciting his order. When she left with visible relief on her face, he picked up his phone and called his wife again. He had tried to call and text her earlier but she hadn’t picked up.

“Hello?” Y/N answered, sounding frazzled and irritated as she cleaned up after her rude customer. He just had the audacity to leave a mess after complaining and whining about the wifi three times. She could barely keep her eyes from rolling.

“Hey, babe. Where are you? I’ve been waiting for you at the restaurant,” Bucky’s defeated voice on the other line replied.

“Oh shit!” She shrieked, attracting the heads of the other customers as she glanced at the clock on the wall. She had lost track of time. Bucky had been waiting for her for almost an hour. On their anniversary. Oh crap, crap, crap.

“Oh my god, baby. I’m so sorry! I’m understaffed and I lost track of time! Could you please wait for me? I’m so sorry!” She quickly took off her apron and changed into the dress she had brought with her that morning for their date. Bucky had been planning this. He arranged for Lizzie’s babysitter and everything, practically bouncing off with excitement for this night. He wanted to try out this new restaurant and between raising Lizzie and making sure Winter Bakery was still making a profit, they haven’t seen much of each other lately. She just couldn’t find the time whereas Bucky’s stable position in Shield gave him more authority to delegate. And he literally had been trained for this for years. All those late-nighters at the university and all the grunt work he and Steve went through have finally paid up. They were at the top of their game, one of the youngest to acquire their positions. They were heroes in the investment banking world. Life was easy for him now, cherry on top of the cake. He only wished Y/N could be there with him. But she was still on shaky ground with her business and he fully understood that.

“Of course! I already picked our appetizers though. They were trying their best to kick me out gently if I didn’t order anything,”

“Oh, my poor Bucky. You should’ve flashed them your smile, charmed your way. They would’ve made you stay,” she replied, fixing her ponytail, not having the time to retouch her makeup anymore. This’ll just have to do.

“Really, now. It was a waitress, you know.” He teased back.

A beat before Y/N replied in mock seriousness. “In that case, don’t you dare. I’ll be there in 15!”

“Wouldn’t dream of it. See you, babe. I love you--,”

But before he could even finish his sentence, the line had dropped on the other end.

_______________________________________________________________________

1 year ago.

“Daddy, look, apples!” Lizzie pointed from her seat in the grocery cart. Her legs swinging as she giggled at the heap of apples on their side. “Yeah, baby, you’re right.” Bucky replied absentmindedly, not even bothering to look as he stared confusedly at the bunch of green vegetables in front of him. The list Y/N gave him said scallions, but how the hell was he supposed to know which was which? Scallions, spring onions, green onions, they were all the same right? He suddenly regretted volunteering to do their grocery shopping alone, having no clue what half of the list Y/N prepared even meant. It was the weekend, they were all supposed to go together and then have a quick visit to the toy store after, for one more of Lizzie’s birthday gifts. She had just turned 3 a week ago and he couldn’t help but promise to let her pick out another doll. When Y/N had given him a pointed look while Lizzie clung on and gushed to him, he couldn’t help but to just give her a tiny shrug. He grew up with nothing, he was gonna give his little girl everything. But that morning when he thought the three of them finally had time to spend together, Y/N couldn’t make it again. She was having problems with her manager and had to go into work unexpectedly. Now, she wasn’t even answering his calls when he had to ask her about the most complicated grocery list he’s ever seen in his whole life.

“Daddy, when are we getting my doll?” Lizzie asked again, looking up at him as she clutched her favorite white wolf stuffed toy.

“After this, sweetheart.” He answered, preoccupied and calling Y/N again. This time when she didn’t answer, he gave up, grabbed the one nearest to him and hoped for the best.

When he’s gotten halfway through the list and let Lizzie point at the snacks she wanted for school, he let his mind wander, when the hell had they become like this? He barely saw his wife anymore. Her problems with her bakery cafe, always dragging her away from them. He wished she could find competent people who would stay but if it weren’t her manager, it was her baker and so on. And if she was finally free, he’d be the one who was busy. It was hard and annoying but coupled that with taking care of an over-enthusiastic three-year-old, it was also exhausting.

He missed Y/N and he wished he could spend time with her. He completely understood that she was always needed at work. He had been through that in their early 20s, but they didn’t have a kid then to compete for their time and understanding it was different from actually living it. Their marriage had become stagnant. The banality of their everyday life, a stark contrast to how they used to be when they were just a couple of kids off college who rented a too-small apartment with his little sister, Becca. Time has flown and he’s finally achieved the life he’s always wanted; a big duplex apartment, a steady high-income job and a family he had always yearned for but never really knew he needed. All of the things he promised himself when he was younger and had nothing, he had now and more, yet there was still something missing. He missed the thrill of his life, chasing his dreams had always kept him motivated, distracted. Now that he had it all, he was at his wits’ end. Maybe it was because they were also growing apart, he could feel it. Y/N had always been able to make him happy and whole; he had always been able to rely on her emotionally. She was the better part of him and now that she was becoming distant, he hung onto her like a lifeline but his insistence on going on vacations as a family wherever his wife and daughter wanted went unheard, all his attempts at romancing cancelled.

Even as he lined up now for the cashier, he whipped out his phone to text her. His hands had been busy typing when a brooding, dark-haired man stood behind him dressed in all black. His arms were muscled despite his age and the sagging skin on his right arm holding a tattoo of an odd skull with tentacles extending out of it was barely covered by his shirtsleeve.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t little Bucky,” a familiar husky voice mocked from behind him.

Bucky immediately felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, the voice sending a deep chill down his spine, making him go rigid as he slowly turned around, the blood draining from him when he went face to face with the man who had made his life a living hell, the man who not only broken him physically but in spirit as well. Repeatedly.

“You some errand boy now? I didn’t raise you to be like that, you know,” He continued to mock, tipping his chin to the cart with Lizzie still on it.

“Do you know him, daddy?” She asked, holding her little wolf tighter as she watched the stranger warily.

“Hey there, sweetie. Your daddy didn’t tell you about me? That’s weird. I raised him and your aunt Rebecca a long time ago. My name is Rumlow,” he flashed her a chilling smile, stepping closer to offer his hand. That’s when the fog in Bucky’s brain cleared. He moved with a lightning fast reflex, stepping in between them as he got in Rumlow’s face, fisting his collar harshly in one hand,

“Don’t you dare go near her,” his dark and low voice had threatened, dripping venom. His eyes had dilated, almost turning black as he shoved him hard. Rumlow’s grating laugh echoed around them, bringing back all those awful memories he had buried deep inside his head.

“I’ve taught you well, boy. Can’t say I’m not proud,” He clapped and actually smiled at him smugly. At this point, Lizzie had started crying making Bucky even more furious.

“I don’t ever want to see your face again. And if you go near my daughter again, I’ll make you fucking regret it. Do you understand?” His threats went on deaf ears as Rumlow broke out into a full-fledged grin.

“I’d love to see you try, James. You’ve grown soft,” He accused, eyeing Lizzie and the grocery he had still lined up, several heads already looking at them.

“Lucky for you. I have a new son here,” He continued, tilting his head to the boy standing by his mostly empty cart-- save for the beer and the liquor. Bucky flicked his attention to the boy and he felt his world spin as he saw himself in him with his eyes haunted, wary and afraid. He couldn’t have been older than eight. Rumlow smirked at the look on Bucky’s face, already detecting the turmoil brewing inside him. He had succeeded. He always knew Bucky was weak, his emotions his downfall. The fear and guilt clearly written in Bucky’s eyes made Rumlow gloat as he talked to the boy,

“What did I say, Bert, huh? You’ll only have food if you go get it yourself. Why are you still standing there?”

The boy looked around the big grocery store, mentally taking note of the stalls and where they were currently at, memorizing it in case he got lost but still, he didn’t move. Bucky looked at Rumlow and he saw the same look he’d always had directed at him before, his taunting eyes daring the boy to go or face the consequences.

“But I’m scared,” the boy replied, his voice small and frightened. Rumlow moved to him, bending his knees to get to his eye level. “Well then, you just won’t have to eat,” he told him in a hushed voice, pouting and mocking.

Bucky didn’t have to hear it to know the exact words, buried memories rushing back to the surface. He heard it countless times directed at him. The boy ran to the nearest stall, his heart pounding and hoping Rumlow would still be at that same spot when he came running back. Bucky knew the feeling, it was like he was living it all over again. As much as he wanted to help, he was rooted to the spot, even Lizzie’s crying couldn’t move him. Rumlow stood back up and faced him. “You were always my favorite,” he told him proudly as he pushed his own cart away from them, no doubt to give Bert an even harder chance of finding him.

Just before he got too far, he swiftly turned around, feigning innocence as he said, “Oh and by the way, say hi to Rebecca for me,” His lips twisted up into a sneering smirk as he left, whistling without a care in the world. And just like that Bucky was moving, grabbing Lizzie and getting out of that store as fast as he could, hoping Rumlow would stay out of his life forever.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m never letting you do the groceries again!” Y/N screeched, a horrified look on her face as she stared at their fridge. After the incident with Rumlow, Bucky had brought Lizzie to the toy store, allowing her to buy all the stuffed toys and dolls she wanted instead of just the previously promised one doll. They had gone to lunch after, he kept Lizzie distracted as much as possible to forget the man she had just met. When she brought him up again, he told her it was just a friend he didn’t like very much and that she shouldn’t bring it up to her mom because it was nothing, he promised he never had to see that man again. Lizzie seemed satisfied with his answer and went back to her usual chirpy self. On their way home, they passed by another grocery store. He had mindlessly strolled the aisles and grabbed whatever he thought they needed, his head at a different place, much as it still is now.

“Bucky, we don’t need four cartons of milk, why would you even get this?” Y/N asked incredulously, shaking her head as she chuckled.

Bucky had been staring off into space, not hearing what his wife had been saying. “Uhm, hello Bucky, you still with me?” she teased, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Oh sorry, what was that?” He asked, glancing up at her from his perch by the kitchen counter. The coffee he had brewed, now cold in his hands.

“Hey, you okay?” she asked, looking at him with concern in her eyes.

“Yeah, just didn’t sleep well,” he waved dismissively. Y/N felt a pang of guilt. He’d been bugging her to spend more time together, planning outings and dates that she never seemed to find time for.

“Well, I finally have the day free. Why don’t we go out, watch a movie or have a picnic? It’ll be fun,” she suggested, draping a hand over his shoulder while her chin rested on the other, her elbow propped up on the countertop to keep an eye level with him.

“I can’t, I’m sorry, babe. I promised to meet up with Thor,” he moved away from her touch, standing up. Y/N looked at him confusedly, “Okay, how about after?”

“Gotta go over some accounts with Sam, sorry love. I’ll be back before dinner,” He gave her a quick kiss to the cheek before heading out. Y/N stared after him, brows knitted, before shrugging. She’ll just get her errands around the house done then.

After pounding the punching bag in Thor’s gym incessantly, Bucky found himself aimlessly walking around the streets, he just needed to clear his head. The little boy’s face was still etched in his mind as he opened the door to a bar. A little too early, he knew but he couldn’t shake off the nagging thought plaguing his mind.

How could he have let that monster roam free while he had lived his life without even a glance back?

_______________________________________________________________________

Years ago.

Bucky held Becca’s hand as they ascended the rickety steps of their new home. They had just lost their parents and were now moving into an unfamiliar house. The case worker had told them they were lucky not to be separated and that they shouldn’t worry; they were getting a good foster father who would take care of them from now on.

“I had interviewed him myself, you see,” She told the children, beaming with pride.

“I couldn’t have found a better one for you guys, why, this area is still very close to where you grew up in. You could still visit your old haunts,” She ruffled Becca’s hair, trying to lighten the mood while the little girl just moved farther away, hiding behind her big brother. The worn-out door which at once might have been painted pristine white but now had chippings hanging off of it suddenly opened with a creak, a man with a charming and easy nature stepped out with a warm smile on his face that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“You guys are here! Welcome, welcome, please come in!” He gestured humbly to his house. Becca squeezed Bucky’s hand tighter which he squeezed back in return, reassuring her. There was something about this man that wasn’t quite right. He seemed relaxed and easy-going, a smile continuously plastered on his face but there was a lethality to him that the children couldn’t seem to shake off, almost as if it was buried deep inside waiting to be unleashed. The case worker hung on his every word, giggling as they talked. She slapped his arm with the horrible looking tattoo that gave Becca a fright. The children barely moved from the sofa they were seated at after the introductions.

“It’s usually like this. Don’t worry. They start to open up after a while,” the case worker sympathized with Brock, the man who introduced himself as their new foster father; he would treat them as his own, he had promised.

“It’s alright. I understand. After my wife, I’ve been all alone and this, this is a blessing to me,” He told her as he turned to the children. Her hand strayed to his arm again and lingered there.

“Oh, Brock, you are a good man. They’re great children, they won’t give you trouble.” She replied, patting his arm for reassurance. It didn’t miss Bucky how she hung off his every word.

“But I should get going, I will check up on you in a week. Children, be good. You have my number if you need anything,” She stood up, smoothing the wrinkles on her blazer.

“Wait, you’re leaving us already?” Bucky couldn’t help the whine that escaped his voice. He didn’t miss the darkness that spilled over Brock’s face for a split second before he carefully put his smile back on again.

“I’ll be back in a week, Bucky. Don’t you worry,” the case worker smiled before she walked out the door leaving him and Becca to a stranger.

When she was out of sight, Brock had suddenly changed his demeanor. The smile on his face had turned into a scowl when he faced them. “Alright, listen up both of you,” he boomed, his voice cruel. “Grab your things and get on to your rooms. I don’t want to hear any noise. No running around, and if I see you making a mess. You bet your little asses, you’ll pay for it,” He stood up and left them to their bags.

“But Mr. Brock, I’m thirsty,” Becca piped up, looking up at him timidly. The man’s grating laugh rumbled as he threw his head back, shaking it.

“That’s Rumlow to both of you, you hear me? Don’t make that mistake again. Now, come here,” He said, beckoning both the children to come over. Once they reached the kitchen, he pointed to the high cupboard. “You see that?” He asked Becca, dropping low to get to her eye level. When she just nodded her head, he continued, “That’s where the glasses and the plates are. If you want something in this house, you go get it yourself. I’m not your nanny,” He held Becca’s face in his hand roughly. His fingers wrapped around her cheeks tight as he held her by the chin. Bucky felt his fists clench at his sides, pushing Rumlow as far as he could with his eleven year old might.

“Stop that!” He screamed. Their parents never hurt them. How dare this man think he could do this to his little sister?

“Oh you wanna be the man of the house?” Rumlow jeered, shoving Bucky back making him fall to the floor. Becca’s sniffles grew louder as she tried to stop her crying, her shoulders shaking from her effort. As Bucky lay sprawled, Rumlow scooted down menacingly to him,

“You dare push me when you were just whining like a little bitch a while ago, you wanna man up? Alright, I’ll allow it,” he taunted, pondering it for a moment before his sinister smile came back on. “Let’s see how long you’ll last protecting your little sister.” He gripped his face by the chin, fingers squeezing exceedingly tight on his cheeks before he pushed him off and he hit the floor.

“I won’t be some parent to you that you could twist around your little fingers, no. I’ll make you into the best man you could be. I will teach you about order. And order only comes through pain,” He drilled into him like a soldier as he stretched his legs back up, his measured steps going to the fridge to fish out a beer. He took a long gulp before he continued,

“And the sooner you learned that, the better,”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky sat alone at one of the benches by the field at his school, choosing solitude over the roar of the cafeteria after a particularly bad morning at home. Their foster father had woken up drunk and had haphazardly thrown things at them when Bucky accidentally burnt the eggs he had been cooking for his and Becca’s packed lunch for school. He picked on the peanut butter sandwich he prepared, not having the appetite to eat when he heard jeering voices from a group of boys and sounds of flesh being hit again and again with accompanying grunts of pain. He felt his feet move on instinct when he found them by the bleachers, a scrawny boy at the center of a group huddling over him, they were laughing as he tried to fight them off, not once being able to land a punch. The blood pumped in Bucky’s veins, a constant beating in his ears, as he grabbed the biggest of the bullies by the collar and harshly yanked him off the tiny, blonde boy now sprawled on the floor with his skinny arms covering his face. When one of the other kids tried to punch him, he deftly moved out of the way and delivered a swift blow to his stomach, making sure to spare his face so as not to get in trouble. That was how Rumlow did it, might as well use the same trick right?

“What? Who wants to go next?” He threatened, loving the adrenaline coursing through his veins, the power he had with defending someone so helpless. The lanky blonde boy stood up beside him, blood dripping from his mouth as he held both his fists up, “I can do this all day,” he said, catching his breath but his stance clearly indicated he could barely stand up straight. Bucky just looked at him weirdly, not knowing whether to find him stupid or brave. The bullies stood against them, unsure. Bucky was the same age as them, only slightly bigger. Him and the blonde boy were still clearly outnumbered but Bucky’s eyes held a lethal strength in them, his body coiled with unleashed brutality, ready to fight. The bullies scrambled out of there as fast as they could, their feet tripping over them.

“Yeah next time, pick on someone your own size!” he hollered before looking back at the blonde boy who looked younger than them but held himself with such maturity that it didn’t seem possible. He decided right then and there he was going to make him his new friend. Rumlow had always taught him about his belief of the natural order of the world, that strength and might always won the day and that order could only be achieved through pain. If you could inflict it on others, you were stronger, better. Weaker men were useless, had to be beaten up and put in their place. “That’s just the way of the world,” he had said. But Bucky was old and smart enough to see right through his facade. He was a bully, feeding off of people who couldn’t fight back. Bucky was going to be different, he wouldn’t bow down to his will. He just needed to protect his sister, spare her from the taint of Rumlow’s anger and prove that he wouldn't become the man Rumlow has been conditioning him to be.

“You alright?” Bucky asked the boy standing beside him who was touching the bruise forming on his forehead.

“Yeah, thanks for helping me,” he replied sheepishly, ashamed he couldn’t fight for himself.

“Next time, just don’t provoke them, they aren’t worth it.”

“But they were wrong. Bullies, I’d always stand up to them,” the blonde brushed his hair back from his forehead, determination steeling his voice. Bucky smiled, maybe he could learn a thing or two from this boy too.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Steve, what’s yours?”

“Bucky. Steve, you’re a little punk. You know that?” he said teasingly, laughing.

Steve grinned back, “Jerk,”

_______________________________________________________________________

Present

The light filtered into the room as the curtains were drawn back harshly causing Bucky to groan on his bed, flitting a pillow to cover his eyes.

“Buck, come on. Get up,” Steve’s firm voice spoke through the fog in his mind.

“Get out, Steve, I’m sleeping.” he replied, turning his back to the hand shaking his shoulder.

“How long are you going to do this? It’s been two weeks. Have you even talked to your family yet?” Steve’s judgmental voice rang out, hard and unforgiving.

“She doesn’t even wanna see me,” he huffed, anger at himself boiling in his veins. He hasn’t seen his daughter in two weeks. Y/N’s short, cold replies to his messages were just updates on how Lizzie was doing, anything regarding Y/N, he had no idea about. He didn’t even know what sort of excuses she made up for Lizzie, how his “work trip” kept getting extended. When the hell could they keep that charade up? He was lucky enough she was letting him talk to his daughter on the phone for a few minutes every once in a while. He sat up on the bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes as he reached for the bottle of whiskey at the bedside table. These days he could only fall asleep when he’s had one too many to drink and even then, he’d still wake up with a headache that could only be dulled by alcohol. He barely even made it to work everyday. Sam had been good enough to cover for him, staying on neutral ground with everything that’s happening to his marriage although his eyes said otherwise, disappointment etched in them. All the while Steve had ignored him the entire time since the hospital. No amount of apologies moved him from his stance except today, when he suddenly barged into the hotel room Bucky has been renting like he owned the place.

“Jesus, Bucky, stop that!” He swiped the bottle Bucky held between his lips, splashing amber liquid on his shirt and bed.

“Damn it, Steve! Look what you did! Give that back,” Bucky held his arm out, his reflexes slow as he tried to grab it from his friend.

“Jesus Christ. You smell terrible. How much have you had to drink last night?” Steve fanned the air around him trying to rid the stench of alcohol and sweat.

“How the hell did you even get in here?” Bucky’s pissed off voice grumbled but one look at Steve’s intense stare with his brows furrowed and his jaw clenched, standing straight as a drill sergeant, arms crossed at his chest with his muscles bulging out of his fitted gray Under Armour shirt; he knew. The punk had intimidated his way in. No doubt leaving a poor breathless, flustered receptionist in his wake.

“You could get that receptionist fired, you know?” He tried appealing to his best friend’s better nature.

“You wouldn’t tell. Plus, it isn’t as if she didn’t get a hefty tip. Go take a shower, Buck, you stink.” Steve didn’t budge, staring him down with a disgusted look on his face. Bucky just scoffed,

“And then what? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Y/N kicked me out, man. Just go home, you’re wasting your time.”

Steve’s hardened face softened as he looked at his friend. His eyes were puffy, his skin pale as he scratched his wildly unkempt beard, his greasy hair sticking out on one side. What the hell had happened to Bucky? How had it gone so bad for his friend in a matter of days? He suddenly moved out of instinct, collecting clothes strewn everywhere and packed them into the suitcase at the corner of the room.

“Steve, what the hell are you doing?” Bucky exhaled loudly. It was too early for this. Where the hell was his drink?

“Get your ass moving, Bucky. You’re staying at my place,”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #bucky fanfic #bucky fic #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #steve rogers #betrayal #marvel fic #marvel x you

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twelvedy7 · 3 years

Text

Twisted - One shot

warning: sensitive topics (drugs).

I just wanted to write something a bit different. It might be a bit OCC but I thought it might be a great fit for the manga universe. This story won’t be published anywhere else than tumblr so feel free to save the story if you like it.

Oh and also english isn’t really my native language so sorry if there are incoherences.

Takano had no sense of self-control. From a very young age he has been a witness of the sheer harshness of his mother and the complete indifference of his father towards their family. Despite how much he tried to convince himself of his difference he inherited from most of their flaws, which filled him with anger every time he thought about it.

No wonder that whenever he met someone bright, kind, generous and appreciated he became more aware of his whole dark gloomy personality. That was the case with Ritsu he was still viewing today as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago.

No wonder that when he met this bright, kind and generous highschool kid he had become more aware of his dark gloomy personality. He was still viewing Ritsu as the 16 year-old teen he used to be a decade ago and yet he couldn’t understand for the life of him the reason why such a lovable person would waste their time with him rather than finding another likeable person that would be such a better companion than him.

If all the open rejections from the brunette could make him believe he hated him, he was at least smart enough to read between the lines and see what the other tried so hard to conceal under feigned anger and flustered reactions.

What seemed to be like a bitter-sweet genuine love story from two ignorant teenagers who lost each other from a foolish misunderstanding was driving him straight into madness. Ritsu was constantly on his mind, invading his thoughts at any time of the day, reminding him of the terrible person he was and how he will never be nowhere near enough for him. Even in the poorly credible reality where the younger one would actually build up the courage to admit his feelings, he knew that their relationship was sealed to failure.

One day Ritsu would mature and realise how incompatible they were and how idealistic they’ve been this whole time before leaving him to find another person that could offer him the support and love he needed. Maybe one day Ritsu would find the man of his dreams, different from senpai in every way, to finally live the blissful life he aspired to. That’s what broke his heart the most: they were not made for each other. No matter how hard he tried, it will never be enough because they were simply not meant to.

He imagined Ritsu’s soulmate to be fun, social, caring, communicative and considerate which would make him forget all the turmoil he went through for all this time. His parents might be so enchanted by their personality that the fact they weren’t An-Chan wouldn’t even bother them.

The truth is he was physically and emotionally drained. He couldn’t feel a thing if it wasn’t his love for Ritsu and sometimes he felt as if that was his last tie with sanity. There were times where he would shut down his emotions. When it became too difficult to confront their inevitable fate, he would put himself in a semi-automatic mode working up to 15 hours straight without paying attention to anything or anyone, only accomplishing what he ought to.

Over time, he came to accept that he wasn’t able to love anyone without causing them a great deal of pain and suffering. That’s why he decided to distance himself from the few people who actually cared about him in his life and managed to bring him some split meaningful moments of happiness. It was like a lightning bolt shaking him from side to side, making him surrender to the hope of one day being able to spend the rest of his life with Ritsu and recovering from his long-lost friendship with Yokozawa. He hurt them both and didn’t deserve to be part of their lives.

His phone vibrated. He broke off his thoughts to center his attention on the alias displaying on the screen: “Taisho” along with a message “I’m here.”

He stood up from the floor, came up to the entrance of his apartment and opened the door. A man of average-height in his mid-thirties was waiting for him. At first glance, he gave the impression of being a regular salary-man coming back home to his family after a long day of hard work. However, he came to discover that the man likely had a long history of debt behind him involving matters such as a costly divorce and low paychecks.

Not bothering to greet him, he pulled out 6,000 yen from his pocket and handed it to the fearful looking man who replaced the notes with a small transparent plastic bag containing a white powder.

“Same thing next week?” asked the anxious black-haired man, his light blue eyes too faithful to be a dealer squeezing behind his oval glasses.

“Yeah. See you.”

Without giving him a second glance, he double-locked the door and came back to his dimly lit living room that felt so lonely without Ritsu here. It would take some time, if not forever, to prevent this heavy load in his heart from manifesting every time he would find himself alone without the prospect of his first love joining him any time soon.

It still pained him… Nao came unannounced in the office earlier in the morning and asked Ritsu out for something that too likely looked like a date. A walk in the city center, a restaurant, and a nighttime exposure. That bastard.

The rare times he had managed to take Ritsu out for a date was by forcefully dragging him out of his apartment or bluntly lying by message playing the card of ‘emergency’. He remembered the dull ache he felt in the morning as he realised how easy it was for his “best-friend” to take him out to a full outing while he had to prepare a strategy days ahead just to drink a coffee together.

Opening the tiny bag in his hands, he chased away his dark thoughts and kneeled in front of his coffee table, pouring half of the powder out on its surface and realigned it in two fine lines with the help of an old credit card. He usually didn’t take such high doses in one shot, but tonight he knew that he needed it. The accumulated pain and overthinking were taking a toll on him. Rolling a paper, he brought it to his right nostril and sniffed the first line, ignoring the burning pain in his cavity before passing it to his left one and repeated the action.

A few seconds later he started feeling the tiny molecules flowing through his blood system, noticing the faster pace of his heart beat and the gradual relaxation of his muscles as the drug invaded his mind.

He closed his eyes.

As always, the thrill was exquisite. The far away sounds of ambient city noises echoed and at some point the only thing he could decipher in the absolute silence was his own breath. His body was soft and any psychological pain he felt instantly disappeared. It was as if someone had covered him with a warm fluffy blanket while stroking his hair with a gentle grasp, providing him an endless feeling of comfort and security he so desperately needed.

At that moment, everything stopped and all his troubles went away. Nothing mattered anymore. He was back being a young child pampered by a protective mother he never had with an unconditional sense of love. Pleasurable sensations coursed through his body from head to toes until his spirit went numb and he lost any notion of space and time.

He reached that moment of nothingness that he wished could last forever.

___

“Takano-san!”

...

“Takano-san!”

Who was it?

The voice seemed so far away he wasn’t even sure it was real.

“Masamune!” Why would someone try to break the silent darkness that was surrounding him?

For what seemed like hours, he felt himself trapped in-between the process of gaining and losing consciousness. He didn’t want to be drawn from his deep slumber yet.

He recognized some familiar voices in the background but it was hard to put a name on them as they seemed to continuously echo.

It took him several more minutes to realise that people were present and it shook him. He became hyper aware of his environment.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was a bunch of white blouses around him scampering around the room at a feverish speed.

His mind whirled. The world seemed to be going so fast but his brain was so slow.

His golden eyes blinked several times to adjust to the brightness of the room. In an instant he was blinded by the artificial light of the leds on the ceiling.

In the chaos of all the fast-paced strangers around him, he felt a delicate hand fondling with the hair on the short back of his neck and let out a soft tired moan escape his lips.

“Takano-san can you hear me?!”

He groggily stretched out his limbs while burying his head on the petite body frame behind him and looked up to see who was the kind stranger offering him such soft intentions.

Above him were two wide teary green eyes displaying a worried expression. Despite his blurry vision, he could recognize the refined and familiar traits of the man he loved. It looked surreal, having the both of them like this sharing such intimacy in a restless atmosphere.

Next to him was standing Yokozawa in his usual professional attire. He could only watch them through half-closed eyes all the while trying to figure out what they were doing in his apartment in the first place.

“He’s stable now. Overdoses happen regularly when cocaine and other powerful stimulants are added to the equation. That’s what producers do nowadays to boost the effects”. Said a firm feminine voice. He could see the lady in white gesturing around to her colleagues and immediately realised what just happened. She was staring at him, probably trying to jauge how awake her patient was.

“You were lucky Takano-san. This could have been much more serious.”

He saw his friend sitting next to Ritsu, his usual severe expression ruptured by the deep crease in his eyebrows.

“How did you find me?” asked the raven, his voice so weak he wasn’t sure the two others heard him.

The brunette brought his face closer to his ear, petting his forehead as he replied in a shaky shy voice: “Yokozawa-san found you like this…” he heard a sneeze. “The front door was unlocked and your phone was ringing without you answering it. You… You stopped breathing.”

He felt absolutely miserable.

Trying to shift his position to have a better view of his comrades, he caught the look of utter disappointment and guilt from his older friend. He probably thought that he was long done with this dark hazardous period of his life.

“I’m… I’m sorry... I didn’t want to…”

His battle to stay awake was getting harder and harder.

“It’s okay Masamune. Just rest for now.”

The nurse took a hold of his wrist and stuck the intravenous line with a patch.

“We’re going to transfer you to the clinic as you need to take several tests. You’re safe now but your body needs to recover.”

The hand that was playing with his hair resumed and he let his head fall back on his lap. This combined with the liquid in his body led him to a sleep without dreams.

___

When he woke up again, he found himself buried under the sheets of a hospital bed. It took him some time to become accustomed to the artificial lighting of the room. Gathering enough energy to finally keep his eyes open, he gazed at the clock at his right indicating 4:55AM.

The first thing he felt was an atrocious headache that hit him with a massive chest pain undertaking his whole body. He noticed the numerous wires connected to his skin accompanied with the steady regular bips of a machine.

He heard a light snore on his right. Shifting his head, he immediately saw the small fragile figure crawling up into a ball on the couch. A cheap blanket was covering him from toes to his neck. This sight made him feel so terribly selfish. As seconds went by he started getting back to a normal state of awareness despite a fizzy pang at the back of his skull.

With as much strength as he could gather he sprawled a hand towards him and rested it on the others’ laps. He stroked his thigh lightly with the help of his thumb and stared at his seemingly exhausted resting face. He felt so worthless. He knew he had hurt him badly in the past already and the only thing he could think of is that this was too much.

“I’m so sorry Ritsu…”.

After reuniting with his first love following the 10 years they had spent apart from one another he had started to believe in fate. Yet he had been too trustful, using it as a justification for every one of his impatient and inappropriate moves towards the younger one. Everything became painfully obvious. This whole thing they had was destructive and that was mainly his fault. It was time to finally respect the distance that Ritsu wanted and deserved. He could not go back to these college years pretending that nobody cared about him.

Now Ritsu would need him.

Still, they were nowhere near close from getting into a relationship. Too many mistakes had been made. It was crucial for both men to work on themselves first as jumping the steps one more time would only bring them unhappiness.

That day Takano swore he would stop pursuing Ritsu. He’s forever been broken and finally accepting to get help was a start towards a less twisted life.

“It’s okay Ritsu.”

One day they would be okay. They would get the life they both secretly wanted.

#sekaiichihatsukoi #Sekaiichi Hatsukoi #junjou romantica #Ritsu Onodera #Takano Masamune #yokozawa takafumi

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wrestlingisfake · 4 years

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Wrestle Kingdom 15 day 2 preview

TBD vs. Jay White - White is challenging for the IWGP heavyweight title and IWGP intercontinental title, against the winner of Tetsuya Naito vs. Kota Ibushi from last night. In fact several of the matches on this card are major spoilers for yesterday’s show, so I guess the whole thing needs to go under the cut.

Kota Ibushi vs. Jay White - Ibushi defeated Tetsuya Naito last night to become the 73rd IWGP heavyweight champion and the 27th IWGP intercontinental champion. White is using his “IWGP double championship right to challenge” contract to receive this title shot. If White wins, Ibushi’s 24 hours as double champion would be the shortest reign in the history of either championship.

Ibushi was devastated when he was knocked out of the Double Gold Dash last year, and moreso when he lost to White in the consolation match. Ibushi and White met again during the G1 Climax, where Jay beat him again. Ibushi nevertheless won the G1 Climax to earn the “right to challenge” contract. However, the contract is defended like a championship, and Ibushi put it on the line against White...who beat him again. White then elected to take January 4 off and schedule his title match with Naito for January 5. However, Naito decided to spend the 4th defending the title against Ibushi. The upshot is that Ibushi has finally achieved his dream, but he must immediately put it all on the line against his nemesis, who isn’t exhausted from working last night.

Frankly, I’m not sure why they set this up where the 1/4 main event sets up who gets to wrestle White, like he’s the biggest star in this thing. I suppose maybe the idea is that he’s unavoidable so that you’ll worry until the very end that he could ruin everything. Maybe that psychology connects with the Japanese audience. It doesn’t with me. I’d rather just see the best and/or biggest match close the second show, and White vs. Ibushi isn’t it. Their match at Wrestle Kingdom 14 last year was so dull that I lost interest for about 20 minutes. Jay will go for the same cheap heat spots he always goes for, and Ibushi will randomly no-sell or oversell each of them, depending on whether he wants to be Ultra Instinct Shaggy or Ricky Morton at any given moment.

I suppose White-Ibushi matches have been fun, sometimes. I really liked the G1 Climax 2019 final. But personally I was over this feud months ago. I really hope they’ve come up with some new material, or this is going to be a long slog for me. I’m picking Ibushi to win, because I really don’t think they’ll book White to win just to troll the Tokyo Dome. But the bigger problem is, I wouldn’t care if they did.

Taiji Ishimori vs. Hiromu Takahashi - Ishimori is defending the IWGP junior heavyweight championship. Hiromu defeated El Phantasmo last night to earn this title shot. Ishimori won the title from Takahashi on August 29, although they met again in the Best of the Super Jr. tournament on November 15, where Hiromu won. So this is the rubber match.

This match should be good to great, but it feels inevitable that Takahashi will regain the title. That’s not all bad, since he’s a big star and I’m a fan, but the match would mean more if Ishimori had been built up bigger. I suppose the pandemic made that difficult, since there were enough shows (or junior heavyweights) for Taiji to really burn through other top contenders.

I guess I’ll just try to get in the mindset of enjoying Hiromu’s coronation, instead of hoping for a match that could go either way. Then, on the off chance Ishimori actually wins, I’ll be properly shocked. But I’m not betting on that happening.

EVIL vs. SANADA - Welp, it had to happen--after Evil turned on Los Ingobernables de Japon and joined Bullet Club, it was only a matter of time before his tag team partner Sanada finally got a hold of him and...wait. I’m looking at my notes for the Evil-Sanada match from October 17. I’m frankly not sure why Sanada suddenly got mad at Evil two months after winning that match. I’m pretty sure they just ran out of ideas for each guy. Well, the October bout wasn’t as emotionally charged as I wanted anyway, so I’ll take a delayed grudge match if I can get it.

I believe Kevin Kelly commented recently that a win for Sanada here moves him closer to the main event title picture, but a loss sends him tumbling back down. I’d agree with that assessment. Along the same lines, a win for Evil suggests a renewed push for him, whereas a loss would signal that they’re putting him on the back burner for a while. I don’t expect either guy to headline the really big shows, but even on the lesser shows, only the winner of this match makes sense chasing the heavyweight and intercontinental titles.

I’d be in favor of these two brawling all around the ringside area (as much as safety procedures allow) and getting it out of their system. Blow this feud off quickly, so we can get on with new business--Sanada working his way up the ladder, and Evil plotting against his rivals within Bullet Club. I’m picking Sanada to win.

Shingo Takagi vs. Jeff Cobb - Takagi is defending the NEVER title. Cobb beat Shingo in their last singles encounter in September, but Takagi wasn’t champion yet. So Cobb had to beat him again in a tag match in December to set up this match. Of course, in the meantime, Cobb turned heel by joining Will Ospreay’s new stable, the Empire.

You could always count on either of these guys to have a great clubberin’ battle, but Cobb’s heel turn should add a vicious new edge to this matchup. We should get a strong showcase of what to expect from Evil Jeff Cobb, above and beyond what he demonstrated in World Tag League. Accordingly, I think he basically has to win the title. There just isn’t anything so important that it’s worth keeping the belt on Takagi; the most interesting thing he could do right now is chase Cobb. So this is another “feels like a foregone conclusion” match on a card full of them. At least this one should be fairly different from the others.

El Desperado & Yoshinobu Kanemaru vs. Master Wato & Ryusuke Taguchi - Despy and Kanemaru are defending the IWGP junior heavyweight tag team titles. Wato and Taguchi each managed to beat Despy in one-on-one matches during Best of the Super Jr., so I guess they figured they’d make a go of it as a team.

If you’d told me a year ago that a Young Lion would come back from excursion with a bunch of fancy vignettes, and it was all to build to this match, past-me would never have dreamed that the new guy would be the dimmest star of this group. But as it happens, Desperado had an epic star-making performance in BOSJ, Taguchi is a comedy institution in the promotion, and Kanemaru is at least a champion. Wato just hasn’t been booked like a hot new star, and the whole idea of having guys like Taguchi and Hiroyoshi Tenzan coach him just makes him look weaker. You get the feeling this match is designed to help him recover from all that, except that I have no confidence he’ll actually win the big one in the Tokyo Dome. If he loses here, he’s basically Captain New Japan Mark II.

What’s worse for Wato is that I’m not even sure it’s a good idea for him to finally win the big one, not at Desperado’s expense. The drama of the BOSJ final took me from “Oh, that one guy who looks like Skeletor cosplaying El Kabong” to “holy shit El Desperado isn’t fucking around.” They need to run with that, and maybe dropping the tag title is step one. But dropping it to Master Wato? I guess Wato could pin Kanemaru, but still.

To me the best finish for everyone involved is if the champs retain and Wato flips out and turns on Taguchi. But that sort of thing is awfully swerve-y for New Japan, and it’s smarter not to assume it’ll happen every time it’d be a little convenient. So I guess we’ll see what they’ve got. But I feel safe predicting the champs retain and Wato doesn’t get over as a babyface.

Toru Yano vs. Bad Luck Fale vs. Chase Owens vs. BUSHI - This is a four-way match to decide who gets first possession of the provisional KOPW 2021 trophy. Whoever holds the trophy at the end of the year will be the official King of Pro Wrestling in 2021, or something. Yano won the title for 2020, but it’s a new year so we have a new title. The participants here were the final four of last night’s New Japan Ranbo gauntlet match. I gather that the first man to score a fall over any other opponent wins.

This is a pretty oddball lineup so I would imagine this match will just be a lot of shenanigans. All four guys will cheat to win, but Owens and Fale will work together to double-team cheat, so they can be bigger heels than the other two.

Yano originally won the KOPW 2020 trophy in a four-way like this one, by stealing a pin over Kazuchika Okada of all people. So I would think that makes him a heavy favorite to win here. The only question is if the bookers think it’d be funnier for his tricks to backfire when dealing with the massive, extremely irritated Fale. I think I’d rather see Fale defending the trophy for six months, to be honest, but my gut says Yano will win again.

AZM & Saya Kamitani & Utami Hayashishita vs. Natsupo & Himeka & Maika - This is one of two women’s matches to provide exposure to STARDOM, the women’s promotion owned by New Japan’s parent company. In Japan it’s seems to be considered normal for promotions to be all-male or all-female, and for fans to only want to see one or the other on a given event. So I get the impression some New Japan fans have a problem with running Stardom matches on a NJPW show, although I certainly don’t see why. In any case, TV and streaming rights mean that Western fans probably won’t actually see this match; I’m not even sure it will be televised. And I unfortunately know nothing baout Stardom, so it’s kind of pointless for me to comment on performers I’ve never heard of in a match I’ll probably never get to see.

Tam Nakano & Mayu Iwatani vs. Syuri & Giulia - Another women’s match to showcase Stardom. In this case I at least recognize Iwatani’s name from some ROH shows a couple of years ago, but that’s about it. I’m all for getting women’s wrestling some more exposure anywhere you can do it, but unfortunately these matches are aimed at the live audience in the Tokyo Dome, and won’t do much good raising my awareness.

#njpw #wrestle kingdom 15 #jay white #taiji ishimori #other guys but they're spoilers

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tacitwhisky · 5 years

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Jon of the Kingsguard: Story Autopsy

While not the first jonsa story I posted, Jon of the Kingsguard is the first I wrote. The initial concept isn’t original to me: I can’t find it now, but an ask reblogged by asoiaf university offhandedly mentioned Jon joining the Kingsguard and how it would complicate Joffrey and Sansa, and that immediately got me thinking. Jon going south is such an interesting context for him, and the way he interacts with being in the capital and the more southern view of knighthood and duty, while still being fundamentally being the same person, was really intriguing to me.

Another driving idea behind the story was the concept that Jon and Sansa both start in this fic and canon not valuing the other: Sansa is status conscious and looks down at Jon because of his birth while Jon is dismissive of her feminine pursuits (there’s a good meta here that talks about how Jon is very supportive of tomboys like Arya or Ygritte, but tends to not like traditionally feminine women because of Catelyn). That duality of the two, their mutual dislike for superficial reasons, was really fascinating to me, and I liked the idea of their arcs mirroring each other as they learn to value the other (I quote the relevant part of a related meta here, if you’re interested).

I also made the decision early on to ignore the parts of asoiaf canon that weren’t conducive to the story: no white walkers, no war of the five kings, no Hound, no Petyr or Renly or Stannis. Partly this was a decision I made just for my own sanity, but mostly because paring down and narrowing the scope of the world was the only way to truly let the premise of Jon joining the Kingsguard breathe and develop fully.

The Original Vision: Or, No Plan Survives First Contact With The Page

My original vision for the story was as one of those lyrical oneshots that gracefully dip in and out of events and time, and that’s how I originally started out writing it. It was one of those stories that just gripped me and wouldn’t let me work on other stuff until I’d gotten it out of my system. I wrote the first third of it in about a week, the words just flowing one after another.

I got as far as the first time Joffrey hits Sansa, but then realized I wasn’t quite happy with how Jon and Sansa’s dynamic had developed so far. Ironically enough for a jonsa fic, I felt like the two hadn’t interacted enough. By that point I’d run out of steam for the story though, and decided to just set it aside with the vague idea of maybe turning it into its own original story at some point.

(Which, for the record, wouldn’t work: there’s simply too many things specific to the asioaf world in the story, and a lot of the background of the plot would have to be expanded for it to make sense on its own. Joffrey, for example, would need actual scenes of him being horrible earlier in the story rather than only showing up onscreen right before the end, Danaerys kind of reads like a deus ex machina, etc.)

I let the draft sit for almost a year, until I’d gotten over my hesitation over spending writing time on fanfic and written and posted Tipsy in a Red Push Up Bra (have I ever mentioned that I dislike that title? Because I do, but could never come up with something better). At that point I decided to take a look at Kingsguard again, and fix the things I didn’t like in what I’d already written before moving forward.

Adding The Jonsa Spice

Most of the process of second drafting was simply adding more interactions between Jon and Sansa. Which again, is odd that I didn’t do in the first place, but whatever. I’ll run through a few here.

“Do you know where Arya is?” Sansa tosses her hair, the red-bronze sheen of it flashing in the light, a quiver wobbling the edge of her voice. “She’s going to ruin everything.”

Jon sighs and whistles Ghost to him. It will be worse for Arya if she’s late. “I’ll help you look.”

Originally Arya popped up before the second paragraph above, and Sansa dragged her off and that was the end of the scene. I’m not really sure what I was thinking, because the story inherently needs a scene at the start to show the status quo of Jon and Sansa’s relationship where they actually interact and talk. It’s just a basic tenet of writing.

They reach the stables, and Nymeria pads out to nose Ghost and Lady. Sansa’s nose wrinkles at the sudden scent of horse and hay, and she lifts the hem of her skirts above the churned earth and mud. And where is your prince now, he thinks darkly, or is trudging through mud a job only for bastards?

I find it endlessly hilarious how extra Jon can be, and the general saltiness between Jon and Sansa in these first few chapters was a huge amount of fun to write. This scene also emphasizes Sansa’s initially chivalric view of the world. I love any fic where Jon and Sansa are cast as knight and lady, and here they go on essentially a quest, even if it’s a mundane one. That’s what this is about:

Once out in the yard again Sansa makes to walk off, but abruptly turns on her heel and gives Jon a swift courtesy. “Thank you for your aid, Jon.”

It’s also just a nice character beat for her: Sansa never forgets her courtesies even if only to Jon.

Chapter two also had a couple scenes added and expanded. The scene with Jon and Sansa in the sparring yard was entirely added in the second draft both to give them more interaction, and to punch up Jon’s sense that something is going on between Sansa and Joffrey that he doesn’t understand. That feeling finally blossoms in the wedding scene, which is also the emotionally largest addition to the second draft: the bedding.

Carefully, Jon lowers her into the bed, and only then does Sansa look at him again, eyes trapped, the line of her jaw clenched and sharp and fragile as a shard of glass. The night’s wine has left Jon’s mind murky and slow. “Your grace,” he mumbles, tongue thick, meaning to step back. Her hand flashes out, fingers clutching his sleeve. “Don’t call me that,” she whispers, eyes pleading, “please don’t call me that. I’m still Sansa.”

In the original draft Jon lays Sansa on the bed and just… leaves. Really odd decision on my part, and even just this short interaction pulls the whole chapter together and solidifies what Sansa’s going through in a tangible way. It’s honestly one of my favorite moments in the story now, and really sets the groundwork for their relationship.

Alayaya

Maybe the biggest addition in terms of word count I made in that second draft oddly enough doesn’t include Sansa. The entire second half of chapter three where Jon visits Chataya’s brothel with Tyrion is a second draft edition. Part of the decision to add the scene was pacing: once I gave up on the idea of this fic as a oneshot, crash cutting from Jon deciding to join the Kingsguard to Joffrey’s coronation felt really jarring.

The other part was to just explore Jon’s headspace: in canon Jon is a tightly wound ball of expectation and duty, and piling knighthood and it’s hangups around sex on top of that would ony make it worse. Which itself ended up being a larger part of the story than I initially planned.

Jon flushes. The girl is beautiful, freckled and lushly curved, with long red hair brushed to a copper sheen that reaches to her hip. As if she can feel his eyes on her the girl glances up at him, a slow, wicked smile turning the corners of her lips. There is nothing of her but for the red of her hair that is like Sansa, yet her smile coils something sick in Jon’s gut, and for a moment he can again feel Sansa’s fingers tangling in his sleeve, the fragile weight of her in his arms, the way her eyes had pled with him

Jon wrenches his gaze away. I am no Joffrey. He downs the goblet in a single swallow, tongue barely recognizing the smooth ripple that marks it as Arbor Gold. “Not her.”

I’ll talk more about this in the next section, but I wanted Jon’s feelings for Sansa to be ambiguous here, especially with how tangled up they are in ideas of chivalry and duty and westerosi patriarchy. You can read this scene as Jon shying away from attraction to his sister, as Dancy being a figure of temptation for his honor, or as Jon simply still being traumatized by the bedding and worrying he’ll be like Joffrey.

“I am bastard too counted your Westorosi way.” Alayaya tilts her head to the side as she returns to where he stands. She hands him his cup. “My father was a summer islander like my mother, a sailor passing through Kingslanding on his way to Braavos. But among my people there is no shame in bastard birth, for the gods made not only us but our desires too, and in that way we bastards are a gift of the gods.”

“I’ve never felt a gift.” Jon laughs, the sound more hollow than he expected.

I hadn’t originally planned for it, but Alayaya’s views on her own bastardry (which aren’t canon, but are a reasonable extrapolation) are a great contrast with Jon. Here she’s offering another way of viewing his bastard identity, a way of freeing himself from its shackles, but Jon just isn’t there. Stories are all about contrasts and foils, and Alayaya is a great one for Jon. Not to mention what surprisingly good chemistry they have.

To Romance Or Not To Romance?

In the notes for the first chapter I wrote:

I went back and forth quite a bit on whether this should be under the Jon/Sansa tag or not. Ultimately I did decide to put it there (for now), because I think if you’re into Jonsa you’ll enjoy it, but do note that the romantic elements of this story are not at all overt, so fair warning.

This pretty accurately reflected my initial mindset on how explicitly romantic the story was going to be. Being the first jonsa story I wrote, I think I wasn’t entirely comfortable with the incest facets of it (to be honest it’s still not an attractive part of the pairing to me), and they think of each other as brother and sister for most of this story. Even without any romance I was still driven to write the story: I generally find intimate platonic relationships as interesting as romantic ones.

As I finished retrofitting old chapters and writing new ones, more and more feelings started to show up between Jon and Sansa, until I realized that there was really no holding it back: this was going to be a fic where they had romantic feelings for each other far before they find out their cousins. Still, vacillating back and forth on how blatant to be about their attraction to each other is something that hounded me as I moved past the material I’d originally written, and kept moving itself earlier and earlier into the story.

Relationship Progression

The story can actually be broken into several distinct periods in the evolution of their relationship. The status quo when the story starts is Jon and Sansa are mostly salty at each other because of how few things they have in common and their general disdain and resentment. Neither of them have anything really like attraction for each other, but the underlying situation is there: they’re simultaneously too distant to really feel like siblings, but also too close to see each other as potential romantic interests.

The saltiness begins to give way as Jon begins to see more than just the image Sansa projects (her crying into his shirt over Lady), comes back a little bit in chapter two, and then gives way even more as he begins to see how not-perfect her life is.

“Joffrey is to break lances with Ser Loras.” There is something queer in Sansa’s voice, an uncertain edge to it that Jon cannot place. “He asked I watch.”

He bites his lip, but does not know what to say. Since she’d been old enough to curl up in old Nan’s lap Sansa had dreamed of marrying a lord like Joffrey, a shining prince with flashing blue eyes and gold hair. This is the song she’s always wanted: and she is not his sister in the way Arya is, in the way where he can ask her what troubles her.

It’s still very opaque to him though until the end of chapter two:

The gale of voices of the ladies holding Joffrey aloft in the corridor is louder now, the sound pulsing in Jon’s blood. He reaches up and wraps his hand around Sansa’s fingers, and it takes all the will he has not to kneel in that moment and swear to her by the old gods and the new that he will protect her from Joffrey and the Lannisters and all the realm. But this is not a song and he is not a knight, not any more than he has ever been a Stark. Carefully, he untangles her fingers from his sleeve and gives them a tight squeeze. “Sansa,” he says meeting her eyes, and later he knows he will tell himself it is the wine that makes him step forward and brush his lips against her forehead. “Sansa Stark.”

This interaction is the start of an underlying, recurring tenderness in their relationship that will only grow over the course of the story. On a side note, this scene is also yet another invocation of the knight and maiden motif, and how Jon’s sense of duty is conflicted by his bastard identity.

Jon and Sansa’s relationship is kind of on hold for chapter three (Jon visits the brothel) and four (Arya leaves), and then picks up again in chapter five (Joffrey first hits Sansa), though they’re still not particularly close in that chapter, still at a sort of wary distance. The attraction element is beginning to strengthen though, like in this moment:

Sansa blinks and looks away, out to the window. For a moment she looks so like a maiden from a song waiting in her tower for some brave knight to come save her that it cuts Jon to the bone.

Which is a bit much for your sister.

Chapters six and seven are the next stage, when Jon and Sansa are drawn closer because of the situation they’re going through together: they’re really the only other person either of them can depend on and trust. But just as much as that kind of situation can forge a bond, I also wanted to show just how ugly abuse can be in tearing people apart.

Not to get pretentious, but one of the inspirations for that and the scene I’ll go into next was a section in Anna Karenina where she and her lover are shunned from society, and she starts to cling and become jealous of him even as he begins to resent her. Desperation and loneliness aren’t always pretty, and often don’t forge a bond.

Trauma and Abuse

Sansa giggles. “What do you think, Jon? Would fucking me keep you true?”

The words catch Jon like a slap. He drops her hands. “That isn’t funny, Sansa.”

This scene is a really pivotal one, bringing to the front a lot of the underlying elements of the story so far: how abuse can tear people apart, the latent attraction in Jon and Sansa’s relationship, and showing the emotional toll Joffrey’s abuse has taken on Sansa.

Ironically for such a pivotal scene though, it isn’t one I originally planned. I don’t remember how the idea first came to me, but I do remember that I initially rejected it for being too shippy and clashing too much with the tone of the story. But the idea stuck with me, and in execution I just tried to make it clear that Sansa isn’t so much jealous as simple insecurity and desperation: as much as Jon has been beside her, he isn’t the one undergoing abuse, and Sansa is very, very aware that he has a choice in whether to stay with her. As she says, he can leave the tower whenever he wants even as she’s trapped there.

She rolls her eyes. “I could make you happier than she makes Jaime, you know. All the court says I’m more beautiful than her. I’d treat you gentler too, let you use me like one of your whores and never once complain. I’m sorry I have all these bruises, but you can give me one of your own if you want. Would doing that make it easier for you? Would it make fucking your sister sweeter? I want it to be sweet for you, Jon, truly I do, so sweet you’ll never leave me, so sweet you’ll strike me at even the thought of another man in me.”

This is Sansa, in a moment of desperation beginning to lose her grasp on what a normal relationship is, conflating abuse with love, and embracing the idea that her only value to men, even Jon, is her appearance. It's a bit of a nod to what Cersei in canon tells Sansa tears aren’t a woman's only weapons, that she also has one between her legs. Just as later Jaime will be a good foil for Jon when it comes to why the knight saves the maiden (which I’ll go into in a bit), Cersei is the other side of the coin from Sansa. Not exploring that dynamic between Sansa and Cersei in actual scenes is actually something I kind of regret not doing, though I didn’t think of it till too late; if I was ever to expand or turn this into an original story it’s something I’d definitely include.

There is a dull roar in Jon’s ears as he reaches up and clasps Sansa’s face between his hands, jerks her eyes back to meet his. “I will never strike you.” The words are sharp, short, harsh, but Jon needs her to understand, needs her to know beyond the flicker of a doubt. “And I will never leave you, Sansa. I swear that, swear it before the sight of gods and men, swear it by the old gods and the new. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever, not until I draw my last breath and the life leaves my body and the crows come to feast on my eyes. You are my heart, Sansa. You are all I have. Never doubt that. Never.”

This is really the only way I ever thought about writing Jon react. There are other ways that might make sense, but needing to give Sansa comfort in that moment is the only thing that felt truly right to me.

Would Fucking Me Keep You True?

One of the techniques Martin uses a lot in asoiaf is a short phrase that gets stuck in a character’s head and repeats whenever they’re feeling a particular emotion. This is a technique that really works for me because it’s something that happens to me in real life (hurrah for mental illness), and “would fucking me keep your true?” is the one that crops up the most in this fic. Mostly it’s because it’s just such a good shorthand for the for the tangled and complex feelings Jon has for Sansa and his sense of duty and understanding of knighthood.

That tangle of feelings is what marks the next section of Jon and Sansa’s relationship through till the last chapter; as indefinable as it is, it’s the only solid and true thing in their lives, and it’s what Jon clings to after he leaves Sansa and sets off to find Dany and bring her back.

---

This post got much longer than I thought it would, so I’m going to break this off here and finish it up in another post down the line.

#jon of the kingsguard #story autopsy #bts

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louis-damien · 5 years

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Story time!

When I was still experimenting with labels last summer (July-August) and tried out trans for while a, guy confessed to me that he liked me- when he still thought I was a girl. I started talking to this guy and one day I brought it up and I was like "Yeah I think I'm trans" and this fucking dude made a weird fucking egg analogy. He grabbed a white egg and a brown egg and he broke both of them open and he's like "I don't care about what your shell looks like, I like you for who you are" and I was like aw sweet. This dude later took me to the county fair and the entire day I talked to him like I would talk to a friend. Casual conversation, light touches to the arm or hand cause I'm a touchy person, y'know, friend stuff.

This guy texts me the next day and he's like "I know it's only been like two days and it's probably too early but I love you" and I texted back "Thanks" cause I just thought of the dude as a friend. Anyway a couple days later he asks me if I want to walk down to the bridge that's an hour walk from my house. I say yes, and bring my little brother.

This guy was just a general ass to my little brother the entire time, which was the final straw. Sometimes I don't get along very well with my brother, but he's my number one priority. After being an ass to my brother, he tired to kiss me? So I said no because at this point I did not like this guy even as a friend anymore. Anyway I send my brother home ahead of me but not by far, and I had to gently break up with this guy that I wasn't even fuckin dating! I did the whole "Not emotionally stable enough for a relationship" bit- which, at the time, I wasn't. I had really bad dysphoria and it was probably the lowest I've ever felt in my life. Also did I mention that guy was an ass to most people? Cause he was.

Anyway guy gets upset, pulls the pity card, "Oh at least you're breaking up with me face to face- I once had a girl break up with me over text boohoo". Normally I'm very compassionate but I was just Fed Up at this point. Remember, we're taking an hour-long walk in July in Iowa. It's fucking hot. And I live in the country, right near a buncha farmland. Anyway, I get Fed Up with this guy, and I chucked an ear of corn at his head. Blocked him on Snapchat (never gave him my phone number), done with him.

Fast Foward about a month. School has started, I'm starting to question if I really am trans (spoiler alert, I'm not), and my now-boyfriend asks me out to our school's homecoming dance, I say yes cause I've crushed on him since like preschool. (Mutual on and off crushing since preschool apparently, both of us were just too fucking scared to say anything) Anyway, I have a happy and healthy relationship with a great guy.

Flash Foward again. Now it's second semester, I have geometry with AssHat from before. I sit right in front of him. For the most part he doesn't bother me, because once he tried to pull the "You're probably miserable since you turned me down" and like ha bitch, no I'm not, I'm flourishing! I tell him about happy healthy relationship, he backs off for a little.

Then, he starts telling me to kys, that the world would be better without me. This goes on for three days before I yell at him when one of my favorite teachers was in the classroom. (Not the math teacher though, she was somewhere else, Spanish teacher was watching us.) Guy gets taken to principal's office, I spend the rest of class explaining my situation to the superintendent and stuff.

Three days of in-school suspension. That's all of the punishment that AssHat got. As soon as that was over, he went straight back to the same geometry class, same seat. My best friends actually had to rearrange things themselves, and my favorite ginger switched seats with me.

AssHat later got suspended for fighting in that same geometry class. @totalllytoby was the only one in our friend group to witness that one cause the other 3 of us were in band setting up for a school assembly.

High school is fucking weird man.

#my life #dino talks #long post #suicide mention

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bacontodae · 7 years

Text

Cheat |Pt.3|

Pairing: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Angst

Length: 4.5k

|Pt.1| |Pt.2|

You were pretty convinced that it would take a year at the most to get over a heart break; it was useless spending the next couple years of your life sulking about your ex. So it came as a surprise to you that four years on, you still thought about Baekhyun and everything you shared and experienced together.

He was undeniably one of the biggest things that happened to you as you had never really bothered to care about love or any of that boring shit. All the “inspirational” quotes on Instagram were complete bullshit to you, you just needed to work and earn the money to get you to a financially stable position and maybe then, would you find a partner.

But thanks to Baekhyun, that wouldn’t be the case as he just stepped into your life, made you feel like a Queen and then proceeded to cheat, make your life a living hell and make you feel guilty for doing what anyone else would have done in that same situation. He deserved to be hated by you and you definitely knew that but it was hard. Unless you had experienced it yourself, you wouldn’t know the real pain and heart break that you would feel as your soul left your body to join other broken hearts.

Every day you would curse at yourself because you knew that what you were doing was damaging your mental state but that was what love did to you. It ate away at your brain, telling you to hold grudges and to remember all the pain he caused but then it would tell you to give him a second chance, to relive the good times again. You had an angel and a devil on each of your shoulders like the cartoons but little did anyone know how emotionally tiring those stupid miniature figures actually were.

Four years may seem like an eternity to some and to others a short while but to you, it was bang in the middle. It wasn’t too long where you could actually feel yourself going insane but it wasn’t too short where you had sat for a couple of hours one day wondering where all of your time went. Seeing Baekhyun and Taeyeon going on dates together and kissing in public all over Dispatch and other Korean news websites was what made the years long as they always looked so happy and like they didn’t give a damn about everyone else which was exactly what you wanted with Baekhyun. The people knew that you were a sweetheart and you were not here to cause any sort of trouble or harm to Baekhyun and the fans but it was the fact that people thought you were taking Taeyeon’s place.

You and Baekhyun were in love but there were always some salty fans that just had to rain on your parade and ruin everything. Dates were crashed by jealous fans and on countless occasions, certain fans had tried to assault you in attempts to scare you off away from their “oppa”. But none of this made you want to leave Baekhyun and this only made your anger build and build years later. The amount of times that you had sacrificed your happiness for him and your relationship was almost embarrassing considering the fact that he did a 180 turn from you to Taeyeon.

When the word had got out, hundreds of people mocked you saying that he cheated because you were not good enough or up to his standards. All the harsh words were egging you on to leave everything behind and live another life in another place at another time. Despite your friends pleading, you had a plan and that plan was to end it all here. Your will was written and the decision was locked. It may of been a slightly dramatic thing to end your life just because of an ex boyfriend but the way that the couple seemed to mock you unknowingly through their public displays of affection was close to unbearable, like you couldn’t escape them not matter how hard you struggled to.

It was Chanyeol who basically lectured you and pushed the idea into your head that ending something so special because of something that could be changed and resolved was so stupid. When you would have late night chats with him about your feelings and how your day had went, he would always end the call with “Stay strong Y/N”. He may have been harsh with his technique of pushing the idea of suicide out of your mind and turning over a new leaf instead but it most definitely worked as you were now in another part of the city with a reasonable apartment that you shared with your dog.

You could finally witness the light that had been missing from your life without really realising that you had done it. It was such a refreshing feeling and the gratitude you felt towards your friends (Chanyeol especially) was overwhelming. You no longer tortured yourself by checking the reporting websites for updates on Baekhyun but instead, you made the mature decision to congratulate the couple on their engagement.

Yes, engagement. And the wedding was in two weeks.

“Come on!” Chaewon exclaimed through the door of your bedroom. Somehow, that certain someone had managed to convince you to take a nice trip out with her to town to buy a new dress for their wedding. And yes, you were invited by the one and only Baekhyun and yes, you had also been persuaded to go by all of your friends as it would be “part of the healing process”. Whatever it was, you were sort of glad that you could confidently say yes to Baekhyun over the phone and his cheers of glee warmed your chest.

“Alright, calm your tits.” You mumbled but Chaewon still caught on and accused you through the wooden barrier that her tits were perfectly calm and stable. It was very obvious to you that when you had first met her, she was destined to be your best friend. After all, who has a conversation about shook tits?

Giving your hair once last shake, you walked out of the bedroom to see Chaewon pacing around, hands on her breasts. There was no point questioning her so you grabbed the car keys of your dining table and called for your confusing best friend to follow.

To your surprise, you ended up meeting a lot of your old (and new) friends at the dress shop in which you bought a lovely black and white dress. Apparently the wedding was going to be absolutely huge with basically everyone and their mothers going to it to watch the deep in love couple finally seal the deal. Of course it was slightly heart breaking whenever someone brought it up and gushed about how amazing the wedding will be as the feelings for Baekhyun still remained and would most likely never leave. You would try and blame yourself for everything such as not giving him a second chance but why would you give a cheater a second chance?

The dress was classy and accentuated all your curves as the white detailing outlined your body shape. It was slightly below mid thigh and you were close to not buying it and going for a longer flowy dress but with the persuasion of your law school graduate best friend, you ended buying it with a smile on your face. You decided on simple black heels that you made sure they wouldn’t kill your feet by the end of the night. After all, it was inevitable that everyone would have you dancing or probably running after someone the whole night.

The two of you made a pit stop at a rather aesthetic coffee shop that was decorated with rustic wood and bunches of classic flowers. It was small but cosy inside and it was tempting to hide in the storage room so you could spend the whole entire day and night here. The waiter took you to your table which had a small plant in a light grey pot and the smallest salt and pepper jars you had ever seen. The whole shop was very easy on the eyes.

“What are you going to get?” Chaewon asked whilst scouring through the drinks menu like a hawk. Everything on the menu sounded so good and like a bloody mission to try and decide on one thing to get.

“Would it be greedy to get everything?”

“Yes.” Chaewon deadpanned before bursting into a fit of laughter which was typical of her. You know, everyone had that friend that would do the most random things out of the blue and you would laugh because there was no other way that you could actually respond without being miserable or mean; she was one of those people.

Thankfully the waiter came to take your orders in time before Chaewon would actually end up buckling over and falling of her seat with tears in her eyes and her limbs flying about like leaves on a windy day.

You and Chaewon had finally (and safely despite having a near miss with another driver who was very obviously drunk) made it home and had invested yourselves in a warm cup of hot chocolate and a deep conversation about life. It started off with Chaewon talking and moaning about her co worker who would not leave her alone even though she would talk about him all the time because he was “really attractive and probably an A* in bed”; but then you ended up slipping into a discussion about how you were going to deal with having to face the bride and groom in two weeks. The thought alone made you cringe and want to curl up in a ball and forget about all of it.

The wedding was much too close to just cancel on them and besides, that would be horrible and would completely let down your friends, your family, yourself but more importantly, Baekhyun. Several years on from that messy situation and yet you still didn’t want to see him upset or hurt. Then again, he had cancelled on you that one time when you two had arranged to meet up in town to talk things over. He had said that it was due to nerves and that he wasn’t ready to tell everything to you just yet, and you believed him. He sounded so sincere and you knew exactly what his sincere voice sounded like.

“I honestly just think that you should turn up, make him so jealous by having some handsome ass man hanging on your arm and have him regretting everything.” Chaewon explained and the idea didn’t sound half bad. You could get Chanyeol to turn up with you and you could give a twinkling gaze towards Baekhyun whenever he looked at you. Sure, it was petty but it would give you that confidence that you were lacking.

“Maybe but that would just ruin his day and I can’t do that on his wedding day.” You got satisfaction from being petty and showing someone that you weren’t completely helpless but it would just be immoral of you to do that on a once in a life time experience.

“Wow, you’re boring me. Just do it and he’ll feel guilty; it’ll be great.” Chaewon rolled her eyes at you and took a sip at her warm beverage.

“You’re a horrible person.” You said and she rolled her eyes at you again.

Someone humming the traditional wedding ceremony tune began to slowly wake you up from an uncomfortable sleep filled with anxiety, guilt and anticipation. You had barely caught any sleep that night as you were basically reciting the exact words you would say to Baekhyun and Taeyeon when you saw them later that day.

The sweet humming got closer before you bedroom door was pushed open and a wide awake Chaewon started going through your drawers.

“What are you doing?” You asked her, silently cringing at the sudden whiff of your morning breath. It was always that worst feeling when you first smelt that horrible stench otherwise known as morning breath.

“Trying to find your expensive bra…” She mumbled almost incoherently. Her comment made you rise from your position in bed and shoot her a questioning look. She only raised her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders before trotting out of the room, your expensive bra in hand.

Once you were left alone once again in the naturally lit room that you essentially kept all your secrets in, the real realisation of what the day had in stored for you finally settled in. An unsettling bubbling feeling coursed throughout your veins and your heart thumped loudly in your ears. There was absolutely no reason to be this anxious about the wedding but you still seemed to be panicking and planning out different escape routes and strategies in case things got nasty. It was unlikely that anything terrible would happen but you weren’t too sure on how their friends and family would react towards you.

Would Baekhyun’s parents send cold glares your way for destroying their son’s happiness all those years ago? Or would Taeyeon herself turn on you that evening and completely break you apart until you fled the ceremony, shoes in hand and mascara running down your face uncontrollably. But, that was all very dramatic and (hopefully) unlikely.

On the more optimistic side, you could spend this day with your best friend as you both pampered yourselves ready for one of the biggest events you would ever attend. It had taken some convincing to let the nearly-wed couple allow Chaewon to come but when they had, it had felt like a few more bricks had been taken off of the almost toppling stack of your shoulders. It was rather easy though; all you had to do was remind them of the hurt and the agony you had suffered for years and then you were well on your way.

A familiar jingle filled up the empty space of your bedroom. Your phone displayed a few notifications from your various social medias on the lock screen and a text from Chanyeol.

From Chanyeol: I’ll pick you up at 1. Be ready

The winky face he included on the end of the message implied that he was clearly teasing you about this whole situation. Chanyeol had the ability to sense awkwardness in advance and he used that to his advantage as he would constantly tease you about awkward situations before they had even happened. You crossed your fingers and hoped that today wouldn’t be as disgustingly awkward as everyone was making it out to be; you just want to celebrate your friend’s new beginning.

The ceremony venue was absolutely breathtaking. Mahogany chairs decorated with white cushions in rows of six were lined up on either side of a pristine white carpet that was rolled out leading to the front. There were trios of white candles in an alternating pattern at the end of the last chair of a row; they were scented like roses and added to the flower theme of the ceremony. Cherry blossom plants were stood at the entrance where the bride would walk through and tiny pink blossoms lined the edge of the carpet. Great time and effort had been put into the setup of the wedding and despite all the hard feelings, you felt so much excitement and anticipation for the couple.

You spotted Chanyeol and the others just outside of the venue where everyone else was crowded, waiting to take their seats. You had arrived with Chaewon who was currently gawking at the special couple taking pictures against a rustic wall. They looked so perfect together as Taeyeon stood in the most beautiful white dress and as Baekhyun stared adoringly at her with the utmost love for her doing laps in his eyes. Obviously, the slightest bit of jealous coursed through your veins but the feeling of satisfaction and admiration overpowered it greatly.

The photographer continued to take pictures of the family and friends as you quietly stood at the side of the meadow outside as it was the polite thing to do regarding your situation. Chaewon had ran off somewhere probably making new friends leaving you alone but the scenery and atmosphere made you feel warm and content inside. You watched Baekhyun and Taeyeon laugh with Chanyeol and the others as huge grins took over their faces; it was so refreshing to see Baekhyun happy again all thanks to his friends and family.

It was almost time to go inside the beautifully decorated venue when Baekhyun caught your eye from across the field and beckoned you to come over. Your group of friends all looked in your direction as a wave of realisation (and guilt) washed over their faces. You allowed an amused chuckle to escape your lips and you struggled to walk over in the heels you were wearing.

“I’m so sorry Y/N!” Baekhyun exclaimed holding out his arm to allow you to slip in next to him for another round of photos with you. He looked unbelievably handsome in his black suit and tie, hair perfectly styled to perfection and a light smile constantly on his face.

“No it’s fine. I enjoyed watching you from over there.” You smiled back. Though is sounded a little creepy, it was true as nothing warmed your heart quite as much as watching your friends be happy. The photographer took multiple pictures of your group and it felt so right to be standing together once again. All those years back and everything had separated you all apart but the happiness of Baekhyun and Taeyeon managed to bring you all back to where you belong. Today could only get better and better if the beginning was the only thing to go by.

The organ echoed throughout the hall as the traditional music began to play despite the old lady at the organ looking like she was about to crash out on the keys. Everyone turned their heads towards the entrance where Taeyeon had begun to stride on in looking like a goddess but you kept your excitable gaze on Baekhyun. His eyes were becoming glossy and his hands were shaking uncontrollably; you just wanted to run up and tell him everything will be alright and that this will be the happiest day of his life.

The ceremony ran smoothly and just about everyone teared up when each partner said their vows. It was crystal clear how thankful each one of them were for each other and how in love they were when their adoring gazes poured into each other’s eyes.

This made you think about your own love life and how little there was of it. You were grateful for being single as it didn't restrict to anything but watching them together up there made you regret a few things. Perhaps you were too harsh on Baekhyun making him feel lost and almost like he had to date Taeyeon just so that he was happy. It was incredibly wrong for you to be pondering about such things at a certain time but it was out of your control for the most part.

As everyone was filing out of the beautifully decked out hall, you caught up to Jongdae who was laughing at something Minseok must’ve said. You tapped him on the shoulder and greeted both of them before expressing your happiness for the newlywed couple.

“I don’t think I’ve seen Baekhyun this happy in a while.” Minseok said shaking his head slightly with a soft smile upon his lips. You and Jongdae nodded in agreement.

“It’s definitely refreshing to see that bright smile of his.” You commented causing Jongdae to mumble something under his breath (probably about how his smile was bright too) but he was smiling nonetheless.

Whoever was hired to organise and decorate this wedding needed a promotion immediately. The décor was similar to the ceremony layout but the place had a more lively and energetic atmosphere to it. Several courses of amazing food were being served to each and every person and rounds of various alcoholic beverages were being served. You were sat at a table with Chaewon and the boys (excluding Chanyeol who was obviously the best man sitting at the table with the parents and the dreamy couple).

Poor Chanyeol’s speech was a stuttering mess but it had the whole room laughing hysterically at his adorableness so as a result, he didn’t really mind. Taeyeon’s speech was exactly what you would’ve expected from her- beautiful and graceful- she spoke with no hitches other than when she teared up when talking about how accepting everyone was. However, Baekhyun’s speech was the most hard hitting for you especially as he mentioned you on multiple occasions. He talked about how everyone deserves a best friend who is as accepting and encouraging as you. He expressed how none of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for your “stubborn ass” and that he is unimaginably thankful to have you in his life. Obviously, the battle against the tears was once again lost but you smiled through it all.

The friendship between you two was an emotional rollercoaster within itself. You started off as his choreographer and then as his friend until he never gave up on his flirting techniques that would make anyone and their mothers cringe. You became lovers who were completely star struck by each other but all of that came crashing down like mountain of fragile playing cards when the reality of his careless actions hit you. It was then that you became complete strangers, never acknowledging each other no matter how hard it was to forget the good times. Then, something clicked; you realised how pathetic this whole situation was and how you had lost someone who meant so much to you that no words could ever express the gratitude and love you felt towards them. Would it be silly to refer to him as your guardian angel? Because that was what he was to you. To call him your best friend once again was perhaps the best feeling in the world and you promised to never let each other go again.

The crisp air nipped at your bare arms and legs as you watched the city lights glimmer in the pale moonlight. You would do this often- watch over the busy city and imagine what each person was doing or going through right then. You would get so invested in watching birds glide past or watching stray leaves float peacefully in the gusts of wind that any of your own problems would disappear with them. Some would call you crazy but it was all just a coping mechanism in the end. And it worked, so it didn’t matter what anyone thought, as long as you were calm and at peace.

The soft creaking of the balcony door brought you straight back into reality but you just assumed it was the wind colliding with the delicate door frame. That was until a gentle voice spoke up and a body came close to your side.

“You’re still doing this?” You registered the tranquil voice to be Baekhyun’s and you instantly relaxed again.

“What do you mean?” The question came out much more quietly than you had anticipated but Baekhyun heard you perfectly.

“Trying to imagine yourself as a bird or a leave.” He chuckled into the cold air and turned his head to you with the softest of smiles. You purely replied back with a gentle smile of your own and rested a hand on his forearm.

“I have told you once but I’ll tell you again, it’s the best way to forget all of your problems and to just focus on everything peaceful about the world.” Baekhyun’s nose crinkled as he knitted his brows together in false confusion.

“There is nothing peaceful about traffic or a busy city.”

You let out mere laugh.

“That is when you’re up here and not a part of it.”

Now it was his turn to laugh at your bluntness as it reminded him of all the unforgettable times you two shared together…as a couple. It was so wrong of him to think about such a topic at his wedding day with the love of his life but there was still something so enticing about you and your romantic feelings towards him. Even after all this time, he still likes to believe that you think about him romantically and you recall all of the major events in your relationship at least once a day. Perhaps that’s a little selfish and conceited of him to imagine but he couldn’t say he didn’t do that himself.

“I still think about you,” He shifted from one foot to the other to gain a better look at your concentrated face. “I miss you a lot actually.”

You averted your gaze towards him expecting to see his famous shit eating grin but instead you were greeted with a frown and unreadable eyes. He looked so upset but at the same time he looked angry, like he was ready to explode at any minute and break down.

“I miss you too Baekhyun.” You said barely above a whisper as you took a hold of his hand trying to ease whatever tension he was feeling. It was unclear of what he was going to do or how he was going to react but you had enough faith in him to assure yourself that he wasn’t going to try anything.

“No. I mean, yeah of course we miss each other but I really miss you. A lot of the time I just lay awake thinking about you and how much I regret…” He paused and looked away from your expecting gaze. “…doing what I did. I’m obviously glad we are best friends again as you honestly mean the fucking world to me.“

He took hold of both of your hands and started into your eyes with what you could barely make out being regret and sadness. “But I will never forget what I did to you and how much I destroyed your life. I will never forget the countless times I went to bed crying my eyes out because of how much I hated myself.”

Your eyes began to sting and your nose began to tingle as Baekhyun began to become more blurry as your eyes began to cloud up.

“I will never stop loving you even if it means I destroy myself in the process. You mean the absolute world to me.” He paused to let himself take in a huge breath and for you to allow warm tears roll down your cheeks and eventually evaporate on your arms.

“I never want to lose you again Y/N. I love you.” It was then that he wrapped you up in his arms and rested his tear stained cheek on the side of your head as you two sobbed into each other’s shoulders hoping that this special moment would never end.

A/N: at last, i have graced your feed with pt3 which so many of you enjoy (i hope). i’m so sorry this took so long! i started school and just got uninterested in writing anything but im back and ready to write more.

though this is the final part so give it some love <3

#baekhyun #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun angst #exo scenarios #exo fanfic #baekhyun scenario #byun baekhyun #exo angst

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nylonsandlipstick · 8 years

Note

can you please explain the asoiaf houses lol

@kitawolf12: GO INTO DETAIL CAUSE I’M CURIOUSIf you still want to, I understand if you don’t.

I’ll definitely go into further detail!

So it really comes down to house motto as those are the words that the house members live by and what truly make the members who they are.

Okay so let’s start with Peter. Tully’s coat of arms says Family, Duty, Honor. I could honestly stop right there and move on from Peter because in just those three words Peter is described but I’ll continue. The entire time throughout the books, Peter spends the time worrying about his family. He spends the first half of the LWW telling his siblings that they should return to the professor’s mansion and telling the animals that he wants him and his siblings to just leave so that nothing will hurt them. Peter’s loyalty to his family is basically written across his face and paints every single little thing he does. His family is number one and everybody knows that. His duty is seen more in when he fights in wars and becomes High King. He didn’t throw himself into being general of the Narnian army in LWW or didn’t shirk from his kingly responsibilities. He follows his duties through and tries to do them to his best abilities. When he returned in PC he stepped right into his old shoes of being king and spends the book doing his duty: trying to save the Narnian people from Miraz and giving Narnia back to its rightful owners. Honor for Peter is a little different because unlike in the films, Peter spends the books a lot more level-headed and not trying to fight someone at every corner. But I think it’s less personal honor and more his family, kingdom’s, and people’s honor. He acts in a respectable manner at all times and tries to keep his siblings under check so that no one of importance sees them acting as anything but what kings and queens should act like. He also fights Miraz in a battle to the death, yes to get back Narnia, but just the way he holds himself it’s as if he’s fighting for the Narnian people’s honor. If he had lost, the Telmarine wouldn’t have been able to say that Peter had gone down without a good fight.

For Susan (pardon the fact that most of this will be speculation and go off on very few things that come out of deep analyses as Lewis wrote rather little about her) I say Tyrell because of their Growing Strong motto. The Tyrell house is known for their flowers (considering it is their sigil) which represents beauty and gentleness, both of which Susan is known for, but they also have thorns, something which Susan also has. In canon, Susan was very much against fighting and conflict and always the voice peace and reason. Also, she was the gentle queen, she wasn’t known for her daring like Lucy or her movie-verse self. And while she doesn’t necessarily like violence, her thorns come out during her non-belief in Narnia and the general snobbish and offhanded way she tends to treat her siblings. Something that I feel like really puts her in Tyrell is that the Tyrell women are usually clever and shrewd. In A Song of Ice and Fire (I’m going to go off the books since it’s what I know better considering I’ve read them like four times), we have Tyrells constantly showing themselves as benevolent figures to those around them to garner their trust only to strike in a cunning manner that rivals the Lannisters but is much more subtle. And while the current Tyrell family is a much more stable and nuclear family that cares each other, the past generations have had instabilities, usually rivalries within themselves. Although Susan is very much a protective older sister who only hopes to keep her family safe, she’s very much in the middle as she is constantly battling her siblings over the subject of Narnia while also trying to maintain a nuclear family (can’t really have your cake and eat it too). Back to the shrewdness and cleverness (sorry for getting off track), Susan is known to be the “logical” sister. She’s constantly calling her siblings out on the trouble that they can cause/get into, usually advising a more secure route to a situation and sometimes suggesting not to get involved at all. It’s a very thin strand I’m standing on when I call Susan shrewd and clever, but it’s easily surmised that Susan is the one that thinks long and hard before acting, even more so than Peter who’s all about self-preservation.

Edmund I feel like fits in Arryn for a little bit more than just what the house represents. Just in physical aspects, the Arryn have a small castle located at the top of a mountain that is known for being impregnable. Edmund as a person is known for being “impregnable”. He builds up these walls around himself and tries to close himself off emotionally from others so as not to fall apart. The way the Arryn castle is described and located in really just presents a symbolic representation of who Edmund is as a person. He doesn’t want anyone in so he tries to put his true vulnerable self on top of an impregnable “mountain” so to speak. The Arryn motto is As High as Honor which describes the family’s value of honor and truly honor only. They value respectability and being able to hold oneself together in difficult situations. While Edmund did mess up and isn’t the most level-headed of the characters (he and Lucy are actually the two most temperamental of the Pevensies, having on several occasions let their anger get the best of them) it’s very obvious that he tries his hard to change that. He tries to change his snide ways to become a better person and redeem himself from what he did to his siblings and Narnia when he turned to the White Witch’s side. He had “no honor” when he committed those acts of deceiving himself and his future country. We don’t see him during his fifteen-years reign but we do see an older Edmund in HHB which is after all that time of trying to redeem himself and just the way he holds himself is different. He jokes around a bit but he’s generally more serious than before. He tries to show his better side and restrain himself a bit instead of let his temper fly out as he would have originally. In PC he does act a little bit more immaturely than in HHB, but I attribute that to having spent an entire year being treated like the child he used to be. He just holds this self-respect for himself and his kingdom and understands what it means to have honor. Also, something that goes back to the placement of the Arryn castle, bastards born in the Vale are generally given the surname “Stone” which goes hand-in-hand with that trying to keep his vulnerability to himself thing. He tries to act like he’s made of stone, like being called a traitor and never fully trusted doesn’t get to him. (Also, fun fact: the founder of the Arryn house Ser Artys Arryn was said to have reached the mountain where the small castle would be built by flying on top of a large falcon which really reminds me of that PC film scene where he flies on the griffin’s back.)

So, originally for Lucy I was playing with the idea of her being a Lannister because of her temperment and how much of a key figure she is in the Narnian kingdom, but it’s only in a superficial manner and hardly even that. Martell just seemed better fit for her. The Martell words are Unbowed, Unbroken, Unbent which is so so prominent when Dorne resisted direct conquest and only joined the rest of the Seven Kingdoms through marriage. They’re all stubbornness and pride which basically describes Lucy. She’s unbowed, unbroken, unbent. Even as a little girl running through this new land, she doesn’t act like what a typical child would. She runs toward the danger and runs away from parental comfort (Peter and Susan) and is very stubborn in her need to save Mr. Tumnus and later the Narnians themselves. The Martells are just so inherently strong-willed and determined not to be defeated that while they are “legally” extinct, they still exist as the Sand Snakes who carry their blood. We don’t see this as much (or rather it’s not emphasized as much) in the films, but in the books Lucy doesn’t hear “no” and doesn’t go down without a fight. She’s such a strong personality with an unbroken spirit that she fights alongside her brothers and their soldiers in wars. The Martells have historically, and technically speaking, been undefeated and unconquered by outsiders (something they make known through their motto). Even when they were finally taken over, the Dornish and Martell people rose up and resisted Daeron I and rebelled against him and even killed him. And while many members of other houses were killed and houses dwindled in numbers and only remained intact through prominence, the Martells survived and prevailed, although in obscurity. That really just is Lucy. She’s strong, she’s a great fighter, she constantly tries to survive and remain on top of everything, and even though she’s kind of forgotten in favor of her High King eldest brother or more-beautiful sister or ex-traitor elder brother, the thing is is that she’s alive and thriving and untouched by everything she’s gone through. She has this stubborn will to survive and just exist.

#text #peter pevensie #susan pevensie #edmund pevensie #lucy pevensie #asks #asofai au #au

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alxttlepain · 7 years

Text

It was Valentine’s Day and Jooheon was very excited. However, it had nothing to do with Valentine’s Day, or girls giving chocolates, since he knew that he wouldn’t eat sweets for a long time, but because, finally, after a little more than a year in hospital, he was finally receiving discharge. A private nurse would keep him company while necessary, but comparing this with being watched by so many doctors and nurses - people whom he was eternally grateful to - he loved the idea of having a little more freedom, and mainly, privacy. He was comfortably seated in the wheelchair that the younger member of the group was pushing, sometimes he was moving it sideways more abruptly, which made both of them laugh loudly and receive a disapproving glance from the boy’s mother, though she didn’t say a thing, once she was worried about that childish play, but happy to see her son and his friend interacting in such a good mood. Jooheon felt as happy as he didn’t remember feeling before, just the fact that he was leaving behind those monotonously white corridors, could make him feel like he was finally getting his life back. He was trying to not think about the fact he didn’t know when he would walk alone again and, even more, if he would be able to stand with his group mates in this lifetime, he was trying to focus on the fact he was there, alive even against the probabilities. It was a time to be hopeful. Finally they reached the courtyard, the daylight making the boy’s eyes hurt, while a smile grew bigger as he felt the heat against his extremely white skin. They went into a van that would be his during that period, where the wheelchair could fit perfectly and he knew the back seats could turn into a sort of stretcher, but he wished to never need this functionality. They went to the apartment his parents rented in Seoul, since he begged to don’t go back to Daegu, he didn’t want to stay away from the members, he would feel even further away from Monsta X. The request was accepted with good will, his parents understood how much the group was important to him. They went up the elevator, talking loudly, on a video call with the other members of the group who, because of the tight schedules, couldn’t be there to see him, but who already promised to spend the night there with him, Minhyuk playing about being his Valentine’s gift , which made the mother sigh,she couldn’t actually understand how they could be such innocent brats. Changkyun continued to guide the other to the room, which was very colorful and with posters attached to the wall, another request from the young man who said he couldn’t bear any white place. The Monsta X’s boys took care personally, with posters of girl-groups and female solo singers, a Spica poster had been put there by Wonho, hoping it could help him remember, even if they couldn’t talk about it. “You can’t create false memories”, the doctors who accompanied the boy used to say. He knew he would remember. Or he’d like to believe he would. “I asked the doctors and they let me give you that”, he said, holding out the cell phone so the other man could take it. “Is it mine?”, he asked, looking at the device with a sense of recognition that was probably not real. “Yes, I kept it charged for you”, he teased, waiting for the other to hold. Changkyun erased the messages he sent to the woman, but after much thought, he decided to not erase the romantic messages, neither the quarrel part, that he believed it caused the whole tragedy. He had shown the messages to the doctors, asking if it might or might not be harmful, but reading messages he had sent wouldn’t create false memories, according to the doctor in charge, on the contrary, it could help him. And emotionally the rapper was fine to deal even with the most turbulent messages there. “He is a strong little man”, the doctor repeated, like someone who talks about a child who took injection without crying or grimacing. Changkyun said goodbye to the other, promising that he would come back later with the other group mates after fulfilling the daily schedule. Jooheon felt a little jealous, but at the same time he was happy that the group was holding on, he knew that they were holding on tight and struggling to keep his place alive in the fans’ memories. As soon as he left, the boy looked at the device, the face that was thinner with a longer hair reflected on the black mirror. ‘I look like a beggar,’ he thought, before unlocking the screen. He decided to look at his photo folder first. There were pictures of his friends and pictures of his dog, Sanche, who now slept comfortably on the boy’s bed. There were pictures taken by Kihyun, which he always sent to everyone. Some landscapes. Photos from the sky. A derp face he saved from twitter. Pictures of shoes that were probably more expensive than it should be… Until he saw pictures of him dressed as a vampire next to a woman.She was also dressed as a vampire, although she wore a short, tight dress. They both smiled and embraced with a strange intimacy. Jooheon recognized her from the visit she made to the hospital a few times. A friend he couldn’t remember at the moment. Going up on the camera roll, more pictures with her. Some seemed to have taken without her noticing. She was cooking while wearing something that looked like pajamas. One of them she was wearing his cap. Until he found a photo with a writing below. Bbo noona. He recognized his own disastrous handwriting as he tried to write using his fingers against the cell phone screen. He decided to check her name on his phone. And suddenly he started reading the messages they sent to each other for a year. At first she just looked like a friend, but that seemed to change in the most recent messages, if he could call ‘recent’ messages from more than a year ago. She was definitely more than a friend. He didn’t keep reading until the last messages. He stopped where they were deciding about the Halloween’s costumes. He wanted some different costumes, like Captain America and Agent Carter or Superman and Wonder Woman, she laughed at his absurdity, at last they agreed to go like vampires. There would be many others so it wouldn’t be suspicious. He laughed alone in the room, seeing the emoji they exchanged and the photo pretending to cry that he sent after agreeing. It was the last message he read before deciding to send a new message to her. He didn’t know if it would be a good idea or not, but he knew very well that life was not very good with third chances, so he decided to do whatever he wanted with the second chance he had. | 안녕? | Happy Valentine’s Day? ㅋㅋ | - Jooheon He didn’t know how she would answer to that message and he knew he should 'avoid false memories’, which he repeated even in his dreams, like a mantra. But depending on her response, who knows if some real memory wouldn’t manifest?

Bohyung visits on the hospital weren’t frequent. There were a lot of reasons for her to avoid that hospital. She didn’t want people to start rumors or to go too deep into her visits. She didn’t want to catch any attention or end up being on those mean comments people would leave in those gossip sites. But she couldn’t help but also avoid to not feel hurt. Because every time he looked at her like she was a stranger. He talked to her in a extremely polite way, things that were slowly dropping when they were intimate. At first she hoped he would slowly remember her, at least as a friend. But no, every visit she paid to him he would smile at her with those eyes that apologized for not remembering her. His mother would always be nice to her, asking her to be patient with him. And she was. But maybe it wasn’t for him to remember her. Maybe it would spare him. So if her visit was at least weekly at first it was turning into a visit every 15 days. And then once in a month. It had been 2 months since she last visited him. He probably didn’t care either. But she missed him everyday. Her best friend kept telling her she should move on, that living in the past would be a mistake and she would turn into a prisoner of memories she was the only one still having. She tried to leave it all behind. She tried to delete his pictures from her phone but she was unable to do so, the pictures they were together the ones she had of him. Small candid pictures. Pictures he would randomly send her to try to convince her to do something with his silly expressions. They had a special folder on there with just a heart on it. The guilt would also join her in the loneliest nights. “That’s what you deserve.” The voice in the back of her head told her. She had to fight it everyday when she laid down to sleep. That day she didn’t expect anything. She didn’t make chocolates to anyone, even friends or anything. On that Valentine’s Day she just hoped the world would forget she existed. The vocalist was smart enough to avoid social media the entire day. Maybe watching a movie would keep her mind busy. Two entire movies and some good popcorn. She thought it was the best to avoid the romantic movies just in case. She also didn’t even change her clothes deciding to spend the day with her pajamas on, after all no one would see her that day. She allowed herself to just not care about anyway. She was searching for a third movie to watch when she felt sleepy and decided to take a nap then. What she didn’t expect when she woke up was to find a message from that number. But even before opening it she told herself to calm down. It was probably just a message from one of the guys again. She hoped it would at least be good news, he was stable now but the fear of him getting worse all of sudden was what haunted her all the time. Reading that message her heart pounded on her chest and she could feel her entire skin growing cold, her blood pressure going low for the surprise. Her mouth got dry as she wondered. Has he reminded of her? What did that message meant? It was signed under his name. Bohyung spent some time looking at the screen of her phone before she finally decided to type back | 오래만에… | Happy Valentine’s Day, Jooheonie. | | 뽀 Without noticing she was crying, tears streaming down her cheeks while she stared at that phone. She wanted to ask him so many things, but she didn’t want to pressure him. She still wondered if she should make her way back into his life after all. She sure didn’t feel like she deserved that. She should have even avoided answering that message. But she couldn’t. She simple couldn’t. | Do you remember me? | | 뽀 The second message was tapped even if her hands were shaking and she seemed to have a hard time to breathe in that moment.

#mxnomercy #bbo;verse #bbo;au #(( I never know if I should tag as au or nah))#((anyway thanks for breaking my heart even on Valentine’s Day AMAZING))#(( MY FEELS ))#bbo;keeps #submission

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annmarcus63 · 4 years

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The kindst thing

The war has shaken all the realms, everyone everywhere talks about the tragic death of queen Calanthe and the wiped out of her army, people fearfully whisper about the mountains of corpses the Nilfgaardian army leaves at its wake. Jaskier awakes sweating and trembling on a cold night, his chest contracting despite his controlling breathing. He fears the war, of course, but not for him, he’s safely away after all. He fears for certain witcher and his child surprise. News about princess Ciri's death haven't reached him, he really really hopes she's ok, again not for him but for Geralt. Because although the witcher never showed any interest in the child, the bard knows the loss could be too great for the witchers' heart. Yes, he believes Geralt holds a heart, big and hard to reach, but a heart no less.

And then came the anger for the unfairness thrown so casually against him. How dares he? How. Dares. He? all those years of friendship and loyalty repaid with words aimed to pierce, and pierce they did. Words that were the outcome of the witchers' broken heart, because Yennefer had walked away from Geralt despite the love he feel for her. True love or not, it was still love. Jaskier was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

And then came the sorrow for his sweet witcher, and his perpetual broken heart. He wasn't justifying the harshful words and his own broken heart, of course not, but at least he now understands why Geralt said what he said. He needed to broke something, even if that something was their friendship. Oh his sweet emotionally abused witcher, if only Jaskier could mend him back together, if only Geralt let him. And one day the opportunity presented itself. After a very glorious performance on the local inn, he heard a couple of farmers gossiping about a witcher fighting an Alp no far from there. In all his traveling years he has never encountered with a witcher other than Geralt, he hopes that same fortune still follows him around. He packs his lute and the rest of his possessions to get back to the road. Asking is always the best resource if you want to find someone or something, and is oddly easy to locate Geralt.

Maybe destiny is part of their relationship, not that he'd ever mention it to the witcher.

An old woman point him to a road towards Kaedwen. Uh, So he's going to Kaer Morhen. He considers himself lucky to find him before disappearing like he used to every winter.

What if Geralt sends him away without a word? what if he spat more hurtful words? what if he's not welcome? Well, at least he'd have tried.

"Hi" he says softly

The child tense visibly, slowly she takes a step away from Roach and turns around.

"You better go before he sees you" so young age and so much steel in her voice, no wait-

"Princess?"

"Bard?" of course he returned to Cintra after the child surprise incident, Queen Calanthe liked so much his first performance that invite him to play three more times, one on Ciri's birthday. He is the best bard of all continents after all.

Of course Geralt would find her, of course. He felt a wave of pride surging from his chest. He did it, he found her. He was not alone.

“Jaskier?” Oh that voice, that damn voice reverberating on every fiber of his skin. And suddenly the witcher is there, in all his splendour, sword on one hand but he's not wearing his armor.

More than a year full of a banquet of emotions for the witcher, oh and how he love him still.

The silence stretch for long seconds, it may be hours for all he knows. And just when he's about to turn back to were he come from..

breathe in breathe out, come on Jaskier you can do this. Bollocks, Geralt probably can sense how nervous he is.

Here goes nothing.

“I've known you for a long time now, Geralt. It may be not that long for you with all your immortal years, but it is to me as the fleeting human that I am. You knew me as the annoying little bard, and now you know me as the annoying old bard. I've spent most part of my life by your side, if not the best part of it. And I did it gladly, and I would do it again gladly, because I choose to. Even in the first years when you were trying rather desperately to get rid of me. I choose to. No because of the magnificent songs I wrote but because I liked -like- your company.” Jaskier force himself to stop, a nasty bump forming in his throat, is harder than he though. You are already here, you may as well give it all. "You...you’re all that I have" And this earns him a reaction, Geralt twitch against the tree and sends him a indecipherable look, to return it at the same spot on the grass. “Yes yes, I remember the I don't need anyone needing me situation, but well, here we are, don't you know? you are my very best friend on the whole wide world" There, yes, a smile on his lips."You are, my friend. I mean, no matter how many times you denied it. It took me more than two decades to get to know you. It took me five years to know that you would rather spend a night under the stars, than in a inn without proper stables for Roach. Ten years to know how much you hate fish, but love the rabbit broth I cook. More than ten years to know when to shut up otherwise you'll snap at me, though I admit I've not always follow this knowledge. I could go on and on but not today. And so I know you didn't mean what you said on the mountain, at least I hope, not completely. You were unfair and cruel. Nothing of what you accused me is my fault, not entirely, but if it’s my fault then you must know I'm truly sorry. If I had known I assure you I would have left your side a long time ago.”

"You're not at fault" Geralt says with a weak whisper. And Jaskier feels something loosening up on his chest, carefully he closes the distance between them, knees almost touching. "Good, good. I came to apologize even though I didn't do anything wrong, but you should know that I won't do it again. I'll not tolerate more words with intent to hurt. I'll no longer be taken for granted or tossed aside like an old pair of shoes. Have I made myself clear? Because if you do something like that again, oh by Melitele I promise I'll make you pay.”

"Yes I understand" Answers. The white wolf stripped of all his barriers. He sounds so tired, so broken.

"Oh my sweet sweet witcher" he says lovingly, daring to reach out for a lock of white hair falling above Geralt's cheekbone to tuck it behind his ear. And Geralt for once, doesn't pull away. "Life has not been kind to you. But I am, I have and will be kind to you till my last breath. You have me, even thru distance, you can count on me, even if I'm not that resourceful. Look at me Geralt. Yes, there you are. Hi. You have my undying loyalty and consideration, and you know why? because I'm your friend and I love you. By the way I'm amazingly happy for you have finally found your child surprise, although I wish it had been on better circumstances” Geralt smile at him, that small curve on his lips accompanied by the delicate flutter of his eyelids. And Jaskier falls for the man a little bit more. "Oh well, that was intense. I should get going, I'm planning on staying on the road for few more months maybe years who knows? I still have a couple of great songs on my sleeve about our adventures. Oh, and I received a letter from Oxenfurt. They recognize me as one of the best poets of the age. They have a classroom reserved for me, can you imagine? Me, teaching! a terrible idea If you ask me. But I'll make them wait some years, if old age doesn't take me first. You must come and visit me there, yes you must! or on the road when all this is over. Don't make me wait that long, ok?” He reaches one last time to grab Geralt's wrist and squeeze, fully smiling before standing up, he dust his fine clothes and hangs his lute over his shoulder. "Be safe my witcher and take care of each other" he says loud enough to be heard by Ciri. He approaches the princess in question and Roach who neigh in delight, she's got a soft spot for him and the sugar cubes he always stuffs in his pockets, just like the ones currently on his fist. Roach gently took a couple from his open hand.

“You're safe with him, princess”

"I know...and uhmm it's Ciri"

"Ciri” he replies

"Is good to know he have someone" say Ciri in a small voice.

"He’s always had, only thah he needs to be reminded of now and then.” She nods solemnly, in that moment Jaskier knew she'll grow up to be an excellent warrior even better than Geralt. He hopes he'll be there to witness it. And with that he leaves, throwing a last glance at the witcher, who's still sitting against the tree, lost in thought.

Footsteps. Heavy footsteps behind him. He stops.

It can't be.

Geralt takes his face between his hands, cleaning the still flowing tears with his thumbs. Faces inches apart. "What have I done to deserve you" he whispers with devotion. "You should be angry, you should hate me. I don't deserve..."

"You deserve this and more. Much more." Geralt's eyes are wet and Jaskier feels blessed to be granted the trust to seeing him so open, so vulnerable.

"And you, do you deserve this despicable treatment? Please forgive me" Jaskier smiles against the tears, bumping his forehead with Geralt's. "Forgive me"

"There's nothing to forgive, my sweet sweet witcher" Sweetly Geralt guides his lips to his forehead, his eyes, his nose, the corner of his lips. Jaskier may as well die with the happiness surging from every part of his being.

There are still things left unsaid, but it was enough for now. They needed to rest. To hold each other some more, maybe.

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Hello everyone! no beta, sorry :( I’m sure there’d be a lot of mistakes, be kind to me

#The Witcher #the witcher fic #ficlet #geralt x jaskier #geraskier #geralt x dandelion #geralt the witcher #jaskier x geralt #the witcher (2019)#netflix the witcher #mine

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