#Felt Better Alive
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fatally-alive · 28 days ago
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" 𝙰𝚗𝚍 𝙸 𝚑𝚊𝚍 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚗𝚎𝚍 𝚃𝚘 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚒𝚗 𝚊 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚠𝚊𝚢 𝚊𝚜 𝚘𝚗𝚕𝚢 𝚊 𝚌𝚘𝚠𝚋𝚘𝚢 𝚌𝚊𝚗 ..."
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fidjiefidjie · 2 months ago
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Bon Matin 💙 🎸👋 🆕️
Peter Doherty 🎶 Felt Better Alive
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uncanny-tranny · 1 year ago
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the décor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' décor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
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sunlitlemonade · 10 months ago
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no see the thing about jason & dick is that they have too much between them. they have too many complications for people who never really had the chance to know each other. that's your little brother, one of your biggest regrets. that's your big brother, the most unfamiliar warmth you have ever experienced. that's your little wing. that's the boy you saw swinging around once and thought "he's the most amazing thing I have ever seen". do you understand. do you. realise. there's miles upon miles of unspeakable grief and they have no way to go about it because they carry their blood in their mouth and yearning in their ribcages and they're too stubborn to say anything or reach out and yet too attached to what could have been to let go and they don't want to admit it but they keep coming back because that's my brother that's my brother that's my brother that's my brother
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Have a late valentines gift from the automaton au guys♡ they love you
(I love you too)
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pluralthey · 8 months ago
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i didn't sleep well today, and i took a nap where caboodle curled up right next to me. she's a very cuddly cat and i miss being able to have her in my room all the time. co-sleeping with pets is important to me, and the current dog is really wishy-washy about it. you can't really predict whether an animal is going to want to cuddle up to you every night or not. but with caboodle, it reminded me of my old dog, and these images that i'd drawn before, as i was aware of the time bomb in her head ticking faster and faster.
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that-foul-legacy-lover · 4 months ago
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sometimes you wake up and and just want to go back to sleep.
not particularly because you're still tired, but because you feel awful, limbs heavy and anxiety threading through every inch of your body- or is it hunger? no, it's too deep and crushing to be simple hunger. you have to get up. but you can't get up. you roll under the covers, wrapping your arms around your shoulders with a grimace, heart fluttering and squeezing erratically. it hurts, and you need to get up, but dread weighs you down and confines you to the mattress, sinking into your bones and burrowing into the marrow like tiny mites.
instinctively you freeze when a pair of arms snakes around your waist, claws resting against your skin- ah. it's just Foul Legacy.
he has a nest of blankets and pillows in his own room, but in all honesty most nights are spent happily curled up beside you, taking up all the extra space on your bed with his lovely, cozy Abyssal self. Legacy purrs quietly, kneading gently against your stomach with his talons and tugging your shoulders until you flip over to face him. he croons, languid, delighted, nudging his head against yours and licking your cheek before pulling back with dreamy adoration in his crystalline eye. you stare, exhale, and a matching smile spreads across your own lips, minus the fangs and the ridges of his mask. Legacy chitters in contentment, as the sight of your happiness warms him more than any burning ember or flame could dream.
the knot of dread in your stomach uncurls and dissipates into wisps, and you peacefully snuggle into your beloved moth's arms.
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pez dispenser debris for the fic ask thing? 👀
As much as this is my “kill no darlings you will get EVERY flashback” fic, there’s overarching sociopolitical backstory explaining why Izuku and the rest of class 3A exploded in the public eye that I don’t think I’ll ever fully fit in.
It’s a combination of it being more of a meta analysis than anything and also requiring information from a perspective that I know will never appear in the fic. Like, the fic still gets the different moments that make up this analysis, but there’s no explicit connecting thread to show how they all locked together to create this sort of global cult following of class 3-A. I almost put in a little fake news article opinion piece that was meant to sort of walk the reader through why society is Like This, but I decided it was too heavy handed and deleted it.
Everything that I’m going to reference has already appeared in pez dispenser debris to some degree, and none of it will ever actually materially impact the plot. They may receive a little more detail down the line if they’re mentioned in passing in the fic, so out of an abundance of caution, I’ll stick it below the cut so people can avoid this, but I don’t personally consider any of this spoilers.
Izuku and the rest of the class are famous in pez dispenser debris in a way that’s pretty much unprecedented for students. Canonically, not even all might had a name for himself until after his graduation. Pretty much everyone from class 3A are public figures, with Izuku specifically being considered a major global figure.
In my mind, there was this perfect storm right during their second year that catapulted them into fame. The class personally has varying levels of awareness of why they got so popular, but there was this perfect cross winds of societal unrest and fear that made them household names.
There was an approximately one month span in their second year where they were just hit one after another with a major firestorms of events: The UA Sports Festival, the Sidekick Strike, and the Tartarus Prison Break/Desertion of Yokohama.
The UA Sports Festival is the one that the kids attribute this most to, because so many of the news articles that followed referenced their performance in it. But it probably gave them less mileage than what the other two events did.
What the UA Sports Festival did was showcase their skills to the world in a venue designed to show them off. The public was already on edge. All Might had retired, crime rates kept going up, and people were rapidly losing confidence in existing heroes. Class 2A made such an insane showing of skill in the second Sports Festival that it made the public rave about them for weeks after. It was extremely reassuring to Japan that they had such powerful heroes in the barrel and would soon be on the streets. But that attention probably would have died down had it not been for the Sidekick Strike and Yokohama.
The Sidekick Strike actually had nothing to do with them. But it undermined the public’s faith in heroes at just the right time.
The Sidekick Strike is just one of those things that I have no POV that would even tangentially be involved in it so we’ll get a few passing references in media clips and it’ll never be discussed in depth. Which is a shame because it’s such an interesting conflict to me.
The Sidekick Strike was heavily inspired by the 1919 Boston Police Strike. Effectively, it was the height of the labor rights movement, and police officers got together and went on strike to get the police union recognized. They had tried to negotiate and negotiations failed, and so they all walked off the job. The city descended into lawlessness, the national guard was deployed, it was a whole thing. Famously, Calvin Coolidge fired the entire police force over it on the grounds that there was no striking from public safety.
I thought it would be really interesting if there was something similar that happened with the sidekicks. The thing is that the heroics structure as it stands really incentivizes abuse towards sidekicks. We have a society where there’s a decent amount of heroes who are only in it for the fame. A not insignificant amount of money must come from marketing deals. And it’s a ranked system, so they’re all in competition with each other.
Heroes wouldn’t be incentivized to showcase their sidekicks—they’d be incentivized to take advantage of them and take credit for their work.
Like, think about the work-study experiences. Momo didn’t even officially work for the hero she studied with. She wasn’t getting paid. An adult woman used her for a shampoo ad. Who wants to bet whether Momo saw a dime from it? It’s probably very predatory because the nature of the system incentivizes predation.
I thought the underlying legal issues would be interesting and complex. Who owns a sidekick’s image—the agency or the individual? Who gets the proceeds of their brand deals? This all would be governed by their employment contracts, and sidekicks just starting out have very little leverage compared to big name heroes. And those heroes would want to keep their sidekicks names small and theirs big. The rankings are competitive, after all.
It’s a situation where I do think that like. The sidekicks would have a point in unionizing. The use of their image, appropriate compensation, and proper credit for their busts would all be like, very legitimate concerns in a normal employment context.
I see agencies like Idaten settling immediately with the union and having their sidekicks back on the street before the day is out. In my mind, idaten is considered the gold standard for sidekick jobs already, and their employees mostly did it out of solidarity with the people they worked alongside of. Like, Idaten was already doing most of the union’s demands and signed off very quickly on the remaining ones. If it was just about the Idaten sidekicks, none of them would have gone on strike, but they had a lot of colleagues who they depended on in the field who were in terrible situations. What were they gonna say, sorry, sucks to be you, I got a great gig though so condolences? These were the people keeping them alive. They went on strike because they knew Idaten would publicly settle before the day was out and set an example for the rest of the agencies. Hopefully it would help other agencies follow their lead.
But that didn’t happen. Some agencies, like Endeavor’s, fired everyone immediately. And I think a lot of agencies spent a long time picking over every line item in prolonged negotiations. It dragged out.
And that went over fucking terribly.
All Might just retired. Crime is up. And their sworn defenders are bickering over who gets what cut of the action figure line. Like I think the public would have fucking hated this in a post-All Might world. It would have seemed like the only real hero just medically and irreversibly retired and the rest of them are squabbling about whose turn it is in the spotlight.
I also think that the villains would have taken advantage of it.
The Tartarus Prison Break in pez isn’t the one that happened in canon. Here, the League of Villains attacked Tartarus and set everyone loose. In the process, they made a very clear stance: they are going to leave with All for One, and they are not going to attack any civilians. They won’t fight at all unless attacked first.
All of the horrible and sadistic villains they just let go have not made the same promise.
They chose to do this now because of the Sidekick Strike. All their heroes don’t give a fuck about protecting them, so they’re strapped for staffing. So they’re taking back their leader and going back to ground, and the heroes are free to immediately go after and contain all those bad bad villains who just escaped. And those guys are headed to the heavily populated mainland, so better be quick.
The whole world knew that was their explicit reasoning and promise. Because Himiko fucking lived tweeted the escape.
The Sidekick Strike took the hit for a lot of the blame, but I do see all the sidekicks breaking strike lines to go respond to the crisis. But response times were severely handicapped by the fact that most if not all of them were cut off from their agencies. It was just a complete systemic breakdown.
And then there became the question of what crisis do you respond to: All for One’s escape, or everyone else’s?
I mentioned in one of the little fake tumblr posts that the Tartarus Prison Break was seen as Endeavor’s greatest failure. And part of that is because he chose to sacrifice the nearby area, Yokohama, to contain All for One.
I am one of the biggest haters of Endeavor’s later arc, specifically because it required going back on the nature of the abuse he had subjected his family to that was already established in canon, but that’s a different rant. This is not canon endeavor. I hate what they did with canon endeavor.
That being said, I do think that the self doubt weighed on him once he became number one. And this was the moment of his career where it really crushed him.
All for One had escaped. So had every other villain from Tartarus. He should go after the most immediate threats. He knew this. It was basic triage.
But they would never have a better chance to stop All for One.
Prisoners in Tartarus aren’t exactly hitting all their macros and micros or training daily. They are not adherents to the Bakugou Katsuki Fitness Lifestyle. All for One was coming off spending the last few months drugged up to his eyeballs and strapped to a chair in a straitjacket with at least fifty guns pointed at him at all times. The man has not scratched his own nose in weeks. He’s weaker now than he’ll ever be again.
It was their best chance.
If he escaped, and he went back to ground, he’d have the time and space to get as strong as he wanted, and then he’d come back for real. And he’d be coming back for everything.
Stopping him the first time had cost them All Might.
And Endeavor simply was not All Might. And he still wouldn’t be All Might when the next fight came.
It really was the hardest decision of Endeavor’s life. He had to admit to himself that his own inadequacy was going to cost them countless lives. But he thought it was a hard decision he had to make. He was losing the battle for the barest chance at winning the war.
So he made the call that all heroes were to respond to All for One. They had to hit the league of villains now with their full force if they were to stand a chance. They could not afford to divide their already sparse forces. They’d respond to Yokohama when AfO was contained.
He was also the one who made the call to broadcast the warning message that we hear in the Twitter post. He thought it would give civilians their best chance. He didn’t want them to act with the expectation of the heroes being en route.
Of course, that meant that the entire city got fucking sirens going off and a message telling them that the heroes were not going to save them. Which, as you can expect, did not do a lot for public morale.
In my head, Tartarus is like, the equivalent to Gotham’s Arkham. It’s borderline an institute for the criminally insane. You don’t end up there unless you did something super fucked, are super dangerous, and have extreme violent tendencies. It’s exclusively for the most dangerous and indiscriminately violent criminals in the country.
The entire world was watching in real time while the tragedy unfolded. A lot of people were livestreaming after the emergency broadcast dropped, because they didn’t want the government to be able to handwave away how terrible their death was, or because they didn’t know what else to do, or because they just didn’t want to be alone. The full expectation was that it’d be a massacre.
But it wasn’t. Because Class 2-A responded instead.
The Class 2-A defensive efforts were discussed in one of the silly little fake tumblr posts and in the fake twitter post. In those, we find out that 1) Class 2-A, along with Lemillion, Suneater, and Nejire responded to the scene; 2) the entire class rolled out of Mirio’s fucking mom van and tamaki and nejire’s cars like they were fucking clown cars; 3) the HPSC claimed it was a legitimate operation blessed and coordinated by them; and 4) a lot of people think this was a lie, in part because videos leaked of Aizawa bitching them all out in the street afterwards. We also see Izuku’s green lightning at the end of the twitter video, showing him responding to the scene just as the first villains hit the mainland.
This fight has a lot of names in the backstory that lives in my head. It’s called the Tartarus Prison Break for obvious reasons. It’s also been called in some circles the Desertion of Yokohama, because of the call Endeavor made.
But it’s also called the Battle of Yokohoma. And it’s ranked alongside the Battle of Kamino as one of the finest acts of modern day heroics. And that’s because of Class 2-A. If it hadn’t been for them showing up, it would have gone down in history as the Massacre of Yokohama.
Like. It kills me that I can’t include the full details of what happened, but there’s just too much to make in a flashback. It’s a fic in and of itself. But it really was the fight that made Class 2-A.
It was the first fight where they were really the only heroes that could be counted on. Granted, they’d had to fight for their lives alone, but this wasn’t just their lives. These were thousands of terrified civilians who all thought they were going to die.
It was the first true test of them as heroes in the world. And they actually rose to the occasion. They didn’t just fight the villains—they realized that they needed to get emergency services working throughout the city if everyone was going to make it. Momo and Tsuyu conducted a mildly hostile take over of the emergency call center so they could coordinate relief. They had fucking Tokoyami and Dark Shadow single-handedly holding the line on the hospital while Kaminari, Shoji, Jiro, and Sato all learned to drive for the Very First Time while commandeering the city’s fucking ambulances. They were fighting and containing villains, performing emergency aid, putting out literal fires, everything. It was the hardest fight of their lives.
There was a hot second where Class 2-A was The Moment. Like. The entire world was watching them during this fight, and they had no fucking idea until it was over. People lost their minds when the first footage made it out of Yokohama of a bunch of teenagers showing up and immediately throwing hands with S-Class villains.
It was global news. Think of the kind of media attention that was received by the search for the Titan, the Tham Luang Cave Rescue, the Suez Canal getting blocked by the Ever Given (rip queen you will always be famous to me), that kind of thing. Class 2-A was fighting for their fucking lives and then found out three days later while they were all still in the hospital that there was a prayer vigil going on in Portugal for them during the battle and CNN had 24 hours live coverage of the fight that had so many viewers it outnumbered the population of Finland. Like what do you even do with that information.
The world expected a massacre. They didn’t expect a bunch of footage of high schoolers kicking the shit out of superpowered murders and personally ferrying the injured to the hospitals they were also defending.
The other part about this fight that really made them permanently part of the public consciousness is that it was not lost on everyone that every single person who responded to that fight did so at the risk of their license.
All of them had provisional licenses, save Lemillion, Suneater, and Nejire, all of whom went AWOL from the explicit directives ordering them to respond to the fight against All for One. The operation could not have been less authorized. They had to steal their gear and jimmy the UA fence to even get out. The explicit plan was to steal one of the UA buses and have Bakugou fucking drive them to the fight (he also did not know how to drive but he seemed the most likely of them to break literally every single motor vehicle code to get them there but still be naturally talented at it enough to not kill them) but Izuku told Mirio what bullshit they were up to and Mirio, who was with Tamaki and Nejire when the news broke, immediately decided he would be on that bullshit too and pulled up in his mom van.
In my mind, there were strict rules around provisional licenses and how they could be used, and they broke pretty much all of them to respond to Yokohama. It would have been grounds to revoke their provisionals and permanently bar them from heroics. Lemillion, Suneater, and Nejire could have all lost their licenses for helping them and for going AWOL.
The HPSC fucking fell over themselves to legitimatize the entire operation. They knew they were utterly fucked if they didn’t. These kids already had murals being painted of their faces in other fucking countries. There was a little old lady in Kyoto livestreaming herself working overtime to embroider Iida’s face onto a cushion because that lovely young man saved her darling granddaughter from *checks notes* horrible and painful death directly caused by the failings of the current HPSC administration. There were multiple trending posts online agreeing to fucking riot if those kids got in trouble for this.
Every single actual hero in the immediate vicinity of this disaster had responded to fight a villain who wasn’t actually attacking anyone. And then they fucking lost. They publicly broadcast a message saying Good Luck Champs Because We’re Not Going To Save You. It was an actual PR nightmare that they had a bare chance of salvaging if they just latched onto these kids like an aggressive parasite and that is exactly what they did.
They totally knew. Actually, it was a joint operation coordinated by and between UA and and the HPSC. Why would the kids be in trouble?? They had responded because the HPSC told them to.
UA gave it a week of dead silence and then issued a short statement praising the bravery of their students in a recent HPSC approved mission, and then they never said another word about it. They didn’t have any choice but to go along with the HPSC’s story. If they contradicted them, all of class 2-a would find their licenses pulled by the end of the day, and lord knows they wouldn’t wait for the court of public opinion to work its magic and would just all go out and become fucking vigilantes, because why not. Aizawa has aged 100 years since he got this class. Every single day he thinks of how it was a 50/50 shot between him and Vlad.
No one in the class is fully aware of just how famous they were in the immediate aftermath, because the school bent over backwards to try and shield them from it as much as possible. Like, they have an idea, but none of them saw the full explosion firsthand because of just how hard the school worked to keep it from them. Aizawa confiscated the internet router and told them it was punishment for whatever the fuck they did to the buses (thank god Mirio was just as crazy as them because they were NOT GOOD at hotwiring cars) but really it was to try and insulate them from it a little bit. Like. Japan’s Imperial Family wanted to do an official visit. The White House offered to host them. They received interview requests from every major talk show on the planet. Buzzfeed wanted to do a puppy interview with them.
Right now, Aizawa’s terrified for Midoriya’s graduation, but in the aftermath of that, he was breathing into a paper bag about all of them. Society had sort of latched onto them like they were the last life raft on the titanic. All for One was back, and All Might wasn’t, and the heroes had publicly broadcast a message saying they were useless, but don’t fucking worry, fifteen year old Iida Tenya is on the case. Society will be upheld by Kaminari Denki, currently viral for driving a real life city ambulance one hundred miles per hour down the street while screaming “WEE WOO BITCH.” And don’t forget the pillar that will be Mina Ashido, who rushed over to him earlier that day to show him her extra sparkly pink nails. And if you have a major fight that needs to be won? Don’t fucking worry, just send out bone-breaking boy wonder Midoriya Izuku and his equally reckless brother Toogata Mirio, because their dumbasses managed to take down an S-Class villain team that only All Might could defeat the first time around. Don’t worry about the multi week hospitalization they needed after, because that’s an acceptable burden to put on children.
When Aizawa started this job, he promised himself he would never send a student out to die. Some of them would die. But it would be tragedy, not damnation. He’d have given them their best chance. Part of the reason why he made that promise was because he sort of felt like his teacher sent him out set up to die, and it’s only luck that he made it through his first couple of years.
He has gone to the funeral of every single student he has ever had who did not make it. He goes back to their graves every year.
He was fucking petrified after Yokohama that society would push these kids too far too soon. Every single one of his classes before them had gotten the benefit of being practically unknown their first few years. They didn’t have the world talking about them like they were already the top heroes. He was terrified they wouldn’t have the space to learn and grow when they started.
A lot of teachers would have tried to mine the notoriety of Yokohama to hard launch their students’ careers. Aizawa told Nedzu point blank that he would quit tomorrow if he did not help him quash this thing as much as possible, and nedzu agreed.
This world killed its real heroes. It sucked them dry and left them like All Might, and he just needed fucking time. He needed fucking time to let them be kids and maybe they’d survive.
Izuku ended up being the one who escaped the aftermath of everything the least. His Quirk was too much like All Might’s for the world to let go of him easily.
And then Stain got fucking dogpiled by idaten in the aftermath of the Tartarus prison break and implied he considered Izuku the only true hero in the absence of all might and everyone started asking super inconvenient questions like “how does stain even know you exist” and “no really he called you by your actual legal name how does he even know that” and it just. It didn’t help things. Izuku’s suffering.
So yeah. There was just this absolute collision of a total lack of faith in current heroes combined with a huge swell of public trust in class 2-a that led us to being in the landscape we are now. All of the currently licensed heroes said that they wouldn’t be there to save the public, and then Class 2-A immediately hit back that they would be there. Actually, they’ll risk everything to be there. They’ll die to protect the public and they’ll risk the entire future they had been trying to build and they will fucking be there to save them.
There’s a lot of people that never forgave the heroes for deserting Yokohama. And there’s even more people who have absolute faith in Izuku and his classmates because they didn’t. That’s why the world is watching them so aggressively. These kids are the most trusted heroes in Japan right now.
I wish I could fit in more about what happened, because I love this backstory so much, but 1) some of it absolutely requires POVs like Endeavors, which we won’t get in pez dispenser debris, 2) there’s no one POV that could tell the full story via flashback and 3) it’d just be too long of a divergence. Like. It really is a whole fic of its own. I’d love to write it one day but I probably won’t have the time
#pez dispenser debris#bnha#the sheer drama of the battle of Yokohama#you know the fanfiction battle that lives in my head lol#it’s SO dramatic to me and I’m obsessed with it#when the footage first leaked of class 2A responding people fucking rioted#people all over the world stayed up all night to watch them fight#like They Were The Moment#it was one of those really unique moments of humanity where the entire world held its breath at the same time#and it was just them all really coming into themselves as heroes#there’s so many fucking dramatic moments of it#Izuku had the exact same analysis of all for one’s escape as endeavor#he knew he’d never get a better chance to stop him than right this second. and he also knew that all for one would be coming for him.#no one knew it would one day be his fight. endeavor didn’t know. but Izuku saw afo’s escape and realized that if he went and tried to end#him now it would be his best chance at surviving to adulthood. he picked Yokohama. he doesn’t regret that.#there’s this dramatic moment where all might finds him when they’re breaking out of the school and tells him he’s proud and then lets him go#there’s this huge dramatic fight between Izuku and Mirio and a villain team that wrecked havoc over Japan for nine months until they were#stopped by all might and sir nighteye. there’s TikTok edits of the end of the fight between them and All Might/Nighteye and the end of the#fight between them and Izuku/Mirio. there’s TikTok edits. I’m sick in the head over this fanfic battle I’m sick over it someone sedate me#the entire world is kind of obsessed over this fight but class 3A doesn’t like to talk about it. they were all sort of scared out of their#minds. like no one was coming. it was just them and some of the worst villains alive. everyone close enough to respond was responding to afo#and everyone else was too far away to make it. and like. the UNSPEAKABLE relief the heroes felt when dawn came and Yokohama was still#standing. Aizawa was one of the first to respond to Tartarus before endeavor made the call otherwise he would have been awol too. he got#news mid-battle that UAs class 2A had responded to Yokohama and he spent the entire night terrified that one of them would be dead by the#time he got there. and then he made it and his kids were bloody and exhausted and in shock but they were fucking alive.#he nearly kills yagi in the aftermath what do you MEAN you KNEW THEY WERE DOING THIS and HUGGED THEM GOODBYE#there was also this entire HPSC document leak that happened that I’ve referenced a few times but that was months later so it wasn’t part of#the perfect storm during the twoish weeks surrounding their second sports festival. like what a time. Aizawa has never been more stressed ou#in his life. except for maybe right now when there’s two Izukus and both are in crisis.
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evie-doesnt-write · 4 months ago
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I feel because of Jinx and Viktor’s popularity in fandom (having some of the most annoying fans in Arcane fandom) and the attention they receive in the show itself, people forget/don’t realise how bad they were done by the writers in s2
#saying this as someone who had thought jayce was reasonable for killing viktor in s2#the way they stripped all nuance from viktor’s actions and made jayce 100% right and the arcane/glorious evolution instead of highly flawed#and morally dubious/neutral#into just bad and wrong(tm)#was weird. it was weird.#i don’t want to compare to league because i do think adaptations should be judged on themselves for the most part#and i’m not too familiar.#but i think the ending should have been left open. like let piltover and zaun still be at war and the characters finding their place in that#also escalation from misguidedly transforming unwitting but willing people to viktor just deciding to turn everyone into an emotionless robo#was weird too#someone smarter than me do a deep dive idek#everyone became a centrist when faced with the true enemy; extremist zaunite (but like not even for zaun)#its not that i wanted viktor to be innocent. his actions in act 2 were morally dubious and he was destined to become darker and more extreme#but the way they did it was weird#and the way they resolved his character. it just feel so half-assed if you look past how emotionally charged and beautiful it was#do not even get me started on jinx… the ‘jinx is alive’ theory better be real because that’s the only way to salvage her character#but like i think they handled her character terribly for all of act 3#i think ekko and mel were done dirty in the way characters like lucas in st were. but i won’t get into that rn#jayce and vi also kinda felt reduced to their relationships…#arcane s2 act 3#arcane critical#arcane criticism#arcane#arcane season 2#arcane s2#viktor arcane#viktor#jinx arcane#jinx
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fish-bowl-2 · 21 days ago
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You can have Ed all
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fatally-alive · 19 days ago
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With ‘Calvados’, Doherty takes a closer look at the world around him, taking inspiration from the natural world and produce in Normandy, where he lives.It is described as a “hymn to craftsmanship and patience”, and sees the Libertines frontman lean into a tranquil, uplifting sound and providing a portrait of a farmer’s life in the lyrics.
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dreamy-pill · 2 months ago
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I was hoping someone else would point this out, but I guess I’ll try to say it.
I think Ford thought he was being the more realistic one when it really came down to either Stan and him and their future plans to travel the world on a boat. Let’s just safely assume Ford (at the time he was just a teen) accidentally browsed through the rich people’s magazine (most likely belonging to their father) and then started comparing their life to theirs. Now, it could’ve just been jealousy or straight-up determination, but Ford making a name for himself was something he thought he could do. West Coast Tech was just the perfect opportunity. Ford rationalized that his desire to make a name for himself must make sense, since (he assumes) it’s highly likely that Stan is also impatient to leave Glass Shard and would’ve also wanted to find his own identity, too.
I just think it would make for some interesting material if Ford planned their whole future out all in his head and thought that the boat could wait so they could both make a name for themselves to prove something to their father*, out in the real world after high school. Ford thought that they both would’ve been ready by the time they were much older to eventually take on the world together, and then had the bright idea that it could’ve been their perfect retirement plan.
*This way, it didn’t just seem like they ran away from home and responsibilities. It might not seem like it, but Ford thought very dearly of his family. He wanted Stan and him to prove themselves to their father so they could stay in the family, and never risked the chance of their own father disowning or throwing either one of them out (see what I did? foreshadowing Ford’s fears).
Does anyone remember Ford’s reaction to Stan side-hugging him when he got his award for the perpetual motion machine? He was clearly frowning, which turned into a grimace.
What if Ford heard the silent grumbles from their father about “Stan riding on his coattails”, and he didn’t want his father to think so badly of Stan? Does it change the scene a little bit if Ford was staring at Stan that way because he secretly wanted Stan to take the hint and knock it off (even though Stan was just super excited for his brother) while they’re in front of their parents? Does it even change a single thing if it seemed like Ford was secretly looking out for his brother by silently pleading for him to behave? Just imagine Fillbrick giving Stan the indifferent stare as the photographer shoots the photo of the twins, and Ford gulps before giving his best smile. The whole time, Stan is oblivious as he smiles broadly.
Can you imagine Ford having their future all planned out because he was trying to take into consideration of Stan’s own life - therefore his own - and just not saying anything because he was silently hoping the twin tuition their mother claimed they had was just slightly true? Then Stanley would’ve also not been too afraid to open up to Ford about his own dreams?
The problem with Ford’s assumptions about Stan is that Ford thinks that Stan will do anything if it meant it would save his own skin, even at the price of family (i.e. Ford’s project).
What Ford doesn’t know is how far Stan would go in the name of family (i.e. Stan’s sacrifice) until it is already far too late*.
*Luckily, not too late as the whole family gets their happy ending.
I thought this was going to be an analysis, but it feels more like a headcanon. Hope you liked it.
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kacievvbbbb · 6 months ago
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Look how sad Yuuji is at the thought that Gojo could ever think he was forgettable 🥺. Gojo is his sensei and Yuuji loves his sensei, so much.
And Yuuji knows what it is like to feel like one cog in the never-ending curse machine, easily replaceable when broken and that's fine for him (at this point) but he would never let any of his friends think they were replaceable, EVER.
And so I actually don't care what Gege thinks; even it is in the way only one cog can only remember another, Itadori Yuuji will always remember Gojo Satoru.
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scootersscooter · 1 year ago
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Something about Lex being so certain she was going to die in Toy Zone and her dying wish being that her sister never needed her the way that she had needed her, that Hannah would be strong enough to escape the mall and still make it out of Hatchetfield to California even if she had no one by her side when she got there
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mulders-too-large-shirt · 2 months ago
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s6 episode 12 thoughts
so. we must return to see what is going to happen to cassandra and mulder and scully!!! and also spender and diana and CSM!! but they’re of less importance to me!!! because mulder and scully are my best friends!!
i am anticipating: some angst, a spender death or exile, a bizarre plot point with krycek that will never again be addressed, and mulder trusting diana despite all signs saying he should absolutely not. and me yelling at my screen while that goes down. AND maybe some more scully diving into her trauma from the abduction. and CSM somehow making it out unscathed. or only mildly scathed. 
post-episode thoughts: this episode pissed me off and gave me a headache.
also, re: my predictions- i got a bingo.
let’s go!!!
omg, my laptop thinks i’m on s7 because i somehow let a bunch of episodes play all night... LMAOOO!!! it wants me to watch 7x03- GIRL!!! we are not there yet!!! do not rush me!!!
we open with mulder narrating- a key feature of these mytharc episodes- over a photo of his father and CSM. and again, i still cannot tell which is supposed to be which, because they do not look at all like any of the versions of the characters we have been previously introduced to. unless i wasn’t paying attention when he showed that picture from his scrapbook, and these are the same actors that featured in that brief shot. in which case: i apologize.
is he burning the photo??? or is that just a fun fire overlay to indicate the dramatic nature of the subject matter? he’s talking about the generation of his father being hardened by war.
bro just used the term “hurly-burly” seriously in a sentence. i think i need him.
omg!!! i see younger CSM now!! from the 70’s!!! and his buddies from the syndicate!!! did they put modern CSM's actor in a bunch of makeup to achieve this look? or did they have another guy about 20 years younger with a similar face shape on standby? fascinating questions are being raised here…
younger CSM is presenting an american flag to the aliens. and they are just little guys. they don’t look scary at all. must be those are what they look like in their raw form. that is, when they’re not shapeshifting. hmm…
just little dudes. intent on colonization. but they look so... cartoonish.
much to ponder. is victory the absence of defeat, as mulder claims the syndicate mistakenly believed?
YAY FOX MULDER FBI BADGE :D yay blurry sequence of them opening the door holding guns! intro time!!!
there hasn’t been a change in the display text in a while. usually we only get that for mytharc stuff, so i was lowkey expecting it today. i guess one must expect the unexpected. and not expect the expected. amen.
back to cassandra begging to be shot in mulder’s apartment!!! while scully is yelling!! 
but the door is broken down before he can make a choice on if he should shoot or not!! there are people in hazmat suits entering his place!! are they spraying our agents?? is cassandra somehow a contamination threat?? or is this simply an excuse to take her?
these people are from the CDC!! and the agents and cassandra are going to be taken into custody over a contagion of unknown origin!! is that diana in the hazmat suit telling them this?!? or just some random person? because why would diana be with the CDC?
mulder sadly showers in a sad quarantine facility. and so does scully. but they don’t seem to be looking at each other.
OH! he just looked down at her. THEY’RE LOWKEY INSPECTING EACH OTHER, LMAO. now. i imagine that they’re trying to see if there is any sort of contagion on each other. but it would be funny to imagine otherwise. gaze upon the sad showering naked body of your partner. let that eye contact do the talking.
(still thinking about this the next day as i edit my notes. i will need to ponder this moment for a few decades. guys, you don't have time to be flirting right now. put a pin in it. circle back.
also, i can imagine nothing less romantic. they've seen each other naked a bunch of times now, and it's always been for decidedly un-sensual reasons. in clinical-adjacent settings. how strange it must be to see your crush half or barely dressed with regularity, but never in a romantic light. is it ethical to steal glances at each other while the government takes you hostage? so much to ponder)
and then they are buzzed with some weird machines. scully wants to know who will tell them what this is about!! and her wet hair is SO CUTE. OH MY GOD. i need to emphasize how CUTE it is. i’m sorry she is in distress; i genuinely apologize. but. i’m. gonna embarrass myself over here. 
mulder asks where they are, and scully says probably fort marlene. which is so cool of her. she can guess which secret quarantine facility they were transported to based on their travel time. shoutout to scully. with wet hair. locked in this sad little cell with mulder.
and it *is* diana who comes in!!!! she says that she is very sorry, but cassandra might have contracted an organism that makes her blowup. which scully clearly thinks is the stupidest thing she has ever heard, LMAO. 
diana, you're literally not even in the hazmat suit anymore. clearly you don't even believe this nonsense. nor have you made an attempt to indicate you do. i'm crying. "okay, you guys might have a super secret alien blowing up disease, so we'll need to take you far away from others for their protection, but let me come on in and join ya" ijbol
diana says that she just HAD to take cassandra, and scully is calling her nonsense out- she was in a hospital for days!! no one was sick!! but mulder is trying to interrupt. SIT DOWN, MAN. 
OH, DO NOT SNAP AT HER, MULDER!!! diana is gonna piss me tf off. what does scully being suspended from her position at the FBI have to do with her being a medical doctor and knowing that you’re full of absolute nonsense?!?!?
diana just HAD to get that dig in there.
SCULLY GETS UP AND WALKS AWAY, LMAOOOO. do NOT fuck with her.
she was so mad she had to leave AND they have no clothes. truly a terrible situation to find yourself in.
“mulder, this stinks. and not just because i think that woman is a… (she looks at him shuffling around) well, i think you know what i think that woman is” <- LMAOOOOOO
“no, actually, you hide your feelings very well”
giggling. a little bit. and not a lot bit. because i’m still angry at him for snapping at her. 
there is something very funny about scully being unable to conceal her disdain. poised and polished scully can't hold her tongue. i find it endearing.
apparently, skinner heard spender make the phone call to the CDC. scully thinks it’s nonsense- it’s a fancy kidnapping, and it’s remarkable that cassandra was well. mulder points out she did come to his apartment and asked to be killed. but she said that was because people were after her, and if they got her the world would end, not because she had spontaneous combustion disease. which i feel is an important distinction.
scully says cassandra wanted to be killed because she wanted the testing to stop- the same testing that happened to her :( and mulder says she’s "the one"
krycek is in new york city, talking about medical records with CSM. hmm. what is he doing there?
no one can decide how to pronounce cassandra’s name, lmao. cah-sahn-dra or cah-SAND-dra. the syndicate says that when the aliens learn of her, colonization will begin, and so regardless of how you say her name, they have to kill her now.
but CSM says no! he says let cassandra be turned over!!! save ourselves!!
“bill mulder was against this” well. y’all had him killed. so. what do you care what he thinks?
“bill mulder sacrificed his only daughter because he knew this day would arrive”
i had kind of thought that the whole “bill mulder sacrificing samantha” thing was a coverup for a totally random and tragic accident, but this confirms, i suppose, that my assumption was incorrect. i guess they also mentioned that in FTF. hmm. not sure which interpretation is more poignant. i do kinda like the idea that she was the favorite, though, and that is why our mulder stayed behind. he wanted to save her. and left him to pick up the pieces. it's an angsty thought to dwell on.
CSM asks what choice they have “if we want to see those we sacrificed return to us” <- did they ALL sacrifice people?? as an agreement to not snitch?? so bill mulder wasn’t the only one who had to do so?? there are many implications here….
back at fort marlene, mulder is in some very ill-fitting clothes, yelling around for shoes that fit him. he sees someone in the distance and runs after. is he being lured into a trap?
peeeek into that door, strange, tall man. this woman says she can’t be seen with him. IT’S MARITA??? OH MY GOSH!!!
i was wondering if we would ever see her again!!!!
she looks so sick. so, so, horribly sick. she says they have done terrible tests on her. new tests, with the alien virus and the vaccine. to try and buy time against the colonists. and they couldn’t buy enough time, because cassandra spender happened.
she says if the aliens learn of cassandra, there will be no stopping of the plans. and she leaves. 
woah… an unexpected cameo on her behalf. i feel very bad for her. may she make a full recovery and return to doing whatever it is she does, exactly. sneak about.
spender rushes into a room with diana to find his mother!! she’s hooked up to a million wires. she wants to know why they’re keeping her here. and spender says they’re keeping her safe from dad!!! and there won’t be anymore tests!!!
she says he doesn’t understand, but he insists he does. and she says he has to let her go, he has to let them hurt her, or everyone dies. she begs and begs, but he leaves. 
knock at the gunmen’s door!! who goes there? has frohike always had a ponytail? IT’S MULDER!! but is it really him?? did he really break out?? or is it an alien?
scully called him here!!! she has information on diana!!! and he doesn’t want to hear it!! 
she says he’s being manipulated by her, and that he knew her in the past, but he doesn’t anymore. if he won’t listen to her, may he please listen to his only friends.
oh. this isn’t going to go well. 
there are no records of her in europe for 7 years. and she took WEEKLY TRIPS TO AND FROM TUNISIA?? is she with the bee people?? she was visiting every european chapter of the UFO network (MUFON) and collecting data on the abductees!!!
he says she’s reaching…. omfg… BRO. you believed in the CHUPACABRA.
yes. guilt him with the story of your abduction, scully. remind him how he couldn't protect you. rub it in. make him realize.
if cassandra is the critical test subject, there had to be others!!! and why has diana, of all people, been assigned to her?! and why is there no information on any of the things she has been doing for the last 7 years? and why is she suddenly back in his life??
OH SHIT!! he still won’t believe her. the gunmen look around awkwardly…
“well, then i can’t help you anymore” <- GET HIS ASS!!
“scully, you’re making this personal” YOU TRUST YOUR EX OVER HER?? YOUR PARTNER OF HOW MANY YEARS NOW?!? YEAH, I WOULD BE MAKING IT PERSONAL TOO!!!!
“because it IS personal, mulder. because without the FBI, personal interest is all i have. and if you take that away, then there is no reason for me to continue” <- YES!!! YOU TELL HIM!!!!! WALK AWAY!!!
augh. this is so frustrating. why can’t he open his EYEBALLS?! and SEE!! and i don’t believe for a second that scully will just leave him to it. she will want to save cassandra. and get herself in so much more trouble in the process. and try to save the world, of course. while he sits there and drags his stupid feet in their stupid too small shoes. so yes. leave his ass. do it by yourself if you have to.
mulder is going to watergate. well. why do that? is he gonna meet diana? oh god. yes. he is. he knocks at her door. 
he takes out a lock pick when she doesn’t answer and just. goes in there. i guess now he’s serious about getting results. she seems to have a nice place. he finds cigarettes. and some bras. 
but the door opens!!! and in walks CSM!!!!
mulder has his gun pointed at him!!!
this has to be all the proof he needs!!!! if CSM is here, clearly they are working together for nefarious purposes!!! LOOK!!! USE CONTEXT CLUES, MOTHERFUCKER!!!
CSM caught mulder going through the drawers, and says he has a lingerie fetish which is crazy. damn. low blow from the guy who made his career on low blows.
OHHHH... mulder pulls him up to a sofa, has the gun right at his forehead, and says he has nothing to lose. 
“i remember looking over a gun barrel at you once before, agent mulder” <- YES SO DO I!!! and it was amazing. love when he would burn the world down to avenge scully. even if he chose to find peace and say goodbye to her instead of resorting to violence. remember how loyal he was?!
“you couldn’t pull the trigger then. what makes you think you can now?” (he cocks the gun) LMAOOOO. fuck around and find out.
but CSM says he came here looking for his son. because he has betrayed him, and joined mulder's side. “that presumes my cause is wrong” “oh, it is, agent mulder, it is”
CSM is laughing as mulder says he’s not the one using innocent lab rats. he says his father was against it, too. the lone dissenter. but he came to his senses and gave up samantha. 
mulder says you FORCED him to do that, he didn't want to! but CSM laughs again, saying he’s wrong. and we jump back to 1973. “that was your father’s objection: that we would ally ourselves with the alien colonists”
so he bought them some time, i guess? so they could try and come up with a way to defeat them?
“you put those lives on hold so that you alone could survive”
“no, agent mulder, so YOU could. that’s exactly what your father failed to realize. he railed at us, and our plans, even as the process has begun” hmm…. hmmmmm….
and then we see the syndicate from 1973, and a ton of children walk in!! CSM says they agreed to painful sacrifices. including cassandra!!! he gave the aliens his wife!!! so they all had to give someone up as insurance they wouldn't rebel, i suppose.
mulder is furious they sent them away like things, but CSM says it was the right thing to do, so they would come back to them. and the kids are shown crying as the aliens come to fetch them. including samantha.
mulder calls him a liar. he points out that she was taken in front of him, not in some hangar. but CSM says that was because bill didn’t realize that he also had to give up a child, as the aliens demanded. it was the only way they could get THE ALIEN FETUS??
WHERE DID THE FETUS COME FROM???!
they needed the fetus to get the alien genome to make the hybrid- the new race who would survive the holocaust. so he could survive. and live to see his sister. 
mulder is furious. he sits down. and asks if CSM has succeeded. he says they did in spite of themselves, as the plan was only to buy time; they never thought they would actually come up with a solution. and when mulder asks about the vaccine, CSM says it was his father’s idea. but it’s too late, and the colonization is going to begin.
a state of emergency will be declared. due to the bee disease. yes, we have been over this. 
i am only halfway through the episode and i have taken SO many notes. i feel this is a good place to check in and gather my thoughts. 
how do i feel about this world building? well, i don’t know whether or not to believe it, to start. but it feels…. idk. too neatly put together. also, again, i ask: where did the fetus come from? did i miss something? am i silly?
hmm. idk. maybe it’s just that i don’t watch this show for the whole alien colonization subplot, so it doesn’t feel super interesting. i guess it is kind of neat to learn about why all the choices that have been made have been made, and to feel those mysterious undercurrents bubbling beneath the surface, but getting the answers directly feels kinda cheap. and i don’t buy for a second that CSM was doing all of these terrible things for the right reasons. don’t try and make me feel bad for him. not gonna work, buddy. it all fits together too neatly.
i guess now we should go back to the plot at hand, which, shall i remind us all, is going on IN diana’s apartment.
CSM says he must hand over cassandra and the colonization will begin. and mulder cannot stop it now, or else he will never see his sister again. 
“it’s what your father realized. it’s what you’ll realize as your father’s son. or die in vain with the rest of the world”
okay. i feel like i’m not getting something, because why would mulder live if everyone else dies?? did his father somehow agree to spare him when he gave them samantha? and by “spare” him, we of course just mean he will survive to get turned into the alien slave race, right? because the vaccine isn’t ready yet. or at least not available to the masses. so the aliens will kill everyone but spare the syndicate and their families and make them slaves?? and why not just make everyone slaves then?? it sounds like they'd get more done that way. what do they even want to do with earth??
girl. who knows?
CSM hands him a paper, saying to save her, and save himself. and then he leaves. mulder is perplexed. but so am i. so i guess we’re matching.
spender comes to the syndicate place in new york!! looking for his father!!! and who does he find but krycek!!! who says he’s gone. and they aren’t coming back. they went to west virgina, where they will begin medical preparations to receive the hybrid genes.
okay. that clears up part of my confusion. i guess i didn’t realize that genes were transferable. but also, they did transfer them into cassandra. but i thought that was only focused on women? or was the reason they only chose women so they could get a two-for-one by experimenting on them to make full alien hybrid adults and also make the alien hybrid children? 
sigh. does anyone know what’s going on?
also, why isn’t krycek there in west virginia with them? what is he planning?
he says CSM went to get cassandra, and that his doctors are already looking at her. spender thinks he has her locked away, but. alas. krycek says she’s probably being prepped as they speak. 
cassandra is being swarmed by doctors. and she is screaming and screaming as they drug her. i find myself genuinely terrified. and CSM walks in, saying he needs a few minutes. she calls him the biggest bastard of all. she’s crying, saying the others never question his authority, even though he’s a coward. 
he wants to talk about the future, not the past. he says they’re here now because of what he’s done. but for so many years, she didn’t understand it was all him. he says he ordered the tests, but he didn’t want to harm her- he wanted to save her and their son. 
so what i'm hearing here is "i am very sorry i spent all that time torturing you, but i did it to save the elite few. and i'm not really that sorry" which is... a choice?
she says you can never save spender, because he knows what CSM has done to her…
wow. normally i like to add my own thoughts to these recounts of events, but it’s going too fast for me to even gather them. the minute i have formulated a thought, another thing has happened and takes its place.
there is only one way to save spender, she says. but CSM says he can’t kill her. and he runs away. 
diana comes back to her apartment and finds mulder. he says he came here looking for evidence. she swears that she is loyal to him and the x files. lying through her TEETH.
mulder says he found no evidence of her being a traitor, but he says fate found him. he found CSM. and he says that he knows he must give up so the ones he loves can survive. 
don’t touch him queen. she takes the paper from his hand. “that’s where we need to be if we want to survive it” <- HE WANTS TO BRING HER?!? this has to be a trap, right?
(after pondering this, i think him bringing her with him to the end of the world site makes sense. mulder always wants someone to save. so yes, he would bring the woman whose apartment he broke into with him when the end of the world arrived. but still. the optics of it, man. bringing her. trusting CSM's story. after everything he has done.
let's say yes, the end of the world is soon. and you won't go try and bring your mom with you? okay, maybe she's too far away, and that is very sad, because you have to go now. what about your best friends who live right nearby? you don't want to bring them? you want to bring this woman who clearly despises you, sabotages your work, torments you and your partner, and is working with your mortal enemy, who you have previously described as the devil?
i guess that is his thing. he needs to feel like he can save someone, because he couldn't save his sister. and maybe learning that the world is about to end provokes in you a sense of despair. but to hear him say he needs to give up... that is just. so deeply unlike him. what is he thinking? why doesn't he want to go down swinging?
the whole thing just... man. made me frustrated. like, do i know this mulder? or did he get swapped with some other dude?)
no, don’t kiss him, diana. i don’t want to see that. okay. whatever. you can’t hear me, i guess.
spender is going back to fort marlene, where he does not find his mother. but he does find marita!!! she asks for his help!!! he says he doesn’t know her,,, but she knows where they’re taking his mother. and how.
and she knows his name…. she says he has to trust him. huh. CSM must have spoken about him before. i wonder what he had to say.
ew, they're getting the alien fetus of mysterious origins out. man. i didn’t want to see, like, any of this. put the fetus in the pressure cooker looking thing, why don't you? can you just… thaw him out??
but the woman who wouldn’t get mulder shoes walks in while the thawing takes place. OHHHH!!! the eyeballs!!! scraped off the face!!! she’s one of the rebels!!!!
do we cheer? has crisis been averted?
mulder calls scully, and she says she was just calling him. oh... :( she still wanted to talk to him after the earlier outburst
he says he’s with diana, and they’re going to come get her. but she wants to go find cassandra!!! mulder says it’s no use, but she’s going there whether he comes or not. and “there” is the potomac yards, because spender called her and told her that's where she is being held.
lmao. don’t let him get you down, queen. you must save the day. alone if you must. this is not fair, but it is the scully curse. 
god. again, the optics. mulder was really going to try and ascend to the alien apocalypse with his ex AND the woman he recently declared his love for by his side. and let everyone else on the planet die. mulder. use your brain. this does not make you look like a great guy.
mulder says he’ll be there, and sends diana ahead to west virginia. good on him for choosing hope?? i guess? a little late, but better than never.
well, they’re now chasing a train. and scully is FLOORING IT. ooo, i didn't know she could drive crazy like that! she angles the car across the train tracks!!!! 
mulder gets out and they shoot the train together!!! the train brakes…. and they run!!!
NOOO!! scully’s CAR!!! it got ran over by a TRAIN!!!
i hope she has good insurance 💔
the syndicate and their family members are going to the hanger to get beamed up, i suppose. when someone approaches our agents. IT’S SKINNER!!!! he wants to know what the hell is going on.
oh, skinner, i didn’t realize how badly i wanted to see you, but now that there is a big smile on my face, i know it to be so.
yeah. get in the backseat, mulder. let scully take shotgun. atone for your crimes.
who is arriving at the hangar….? the syndicate goes to investigate. it’s cassandra on the stretcher. with CSM. 
he wants to know where krycek is!! and i do, too!! he’s at fort marlene, stalking about. is he looking for marita?! will they be reunited?! are they still together?
krycek cannot find the alien fetus!!! he is furious!!! where did it go?!
spender calls out to him. he can’t get past security- they won’t let him remove a patient. and look! it’s marita that spender has with him!!! oh, this is an uncomfortable reunion between krycek and marita, who we last saw kissing passionately. his jaw drops.
krycek calls spender a sorry son of a bitch, saying the rebels are going to win. they took it. marita is shocked at this news, but spender just wants to know what “it” is. and can you blame the guy? he just got thrown into all of this.
diana pulls up at the hangar, and sees CSM. why is there music swelling between them? what is their relationship?
oh. the hangar is opening. but the syndicate didn’t send a message to the aliens!! so who goes there?
diana and CSM start to escape. and it seems that normal people are emerging from the hangar??? diana and CSM drive away!!!
but they aren’t normal people!!! they’re the faceless rebels!!! surrounding the syndicate!!! with their fire sticks!!! 
(fire roars and people scream)
is.... that the end of the syndicate?
kersh is looking at photos of the burnt bodies that skinner handed him. he says the loss of life is beyond words. and spender is there, too. kersh says he cannot imagine how it must be, losing his mother.
oh, now i feel bad for him. he even got kersh to use a kind tone.
spender says he is responsible for those deaths!!! also mulder is here! and scully, too! 
he says the agents might have prevented the terrible attacks!!! kersh's kind tone doesn't last long.
HE INTERRUPTED KERSH??? OMFG???
spender says it’s his fault the agents were suspended, and kersh ought to do everything he can to get them back on the x files. far worse can and will happen. 
spender gets up and leaves, saying he will pack up his things.
“you have answers now? why didn’t i hear about those answers before?”, kersh asks mulder
“i’ve had answers for years” 
“then why didn’t we hear about them?”
“no one ever listened” <- WELL!!! get his ass.
he says the people burned themselves, from choices made by men long ago who thought they could sleep with the enemy. 
kersh doesn't know wtf this means, and scully says. well. he's probably right. so just go along with it.
spender tells CSM to get out of his old office. he’s holding the photo of him and bill mulder!!! he says he was a good man and a friend who betrayed him. 
he said he came here hoping his mother wasn’t right. he hoped his son might live to honor me. like bill mulder’s son.
AND THEN HE PULLS OUT A GUN AND SHOOTS HIM!!???
the end?!?!
hey man. entirely too much just happened in one episode.
okay. um. 
well. i didn’t like this one. 
there was too much going on!!! my brain wasn’t handling it!! why would mulder choose diana over scully?? is he stupid?? 
is the syndicate over now?? but now they have to deal with the alien rebels?? was krycek working for the rebels the whole time?? is that a good thing? but it's krycek; he can't be good. is spender dead?? just when i started to like him?
will mulder and scully go back on the x files?? will it be under skinner? how will they just go back to work after all of that? 
“hey scully. i'm sorry i didn’t believe you when you said my ex was manipulating me even though you found incredibly detailed receipts with my best friends in the whole world. and i'm sorry for how i wanted to give up and let everyone in the world die, because the man who is responsible for torturing you and thousands of other women told me there was nothing i could do. and i'm sorry i agreed with him despite having no reason to trust him whatsoever, and only changed my mind at the last minute.
do you want to go hunt some werewolves now? and not acknowledge how i blew off all of your trauma in favor of trusting someone i haven’t seen in years and a guy i previously called the devil? i know you’ve saved me more times than can be counted, but it was an honest mistake!”
grrr. i’m growling. hissing, even. how can he be so stupid?! 
beyond mulder’s dumb choices, it was just far too much at one time. which always happens with these episodes, but this might even be a record for most stuff packed into one episode. and it just made me frustrated. and therefore, i didn’t enjoy it. 
we got the marita reveal; tons of 1973 lore; attempts at humanizing CSM- and then him immediately being evil again; foolish mulder choices; scully being taken advantage of; krycek doing… whatever it is he does, really; the end of the syndicate; spender redemption arc and possibly death; and the rise of the rebels as the new big bad? so… are the other aliens who are made of the purity stuff just not a threat anymore? or will they be competing for dominance in colonization?? and where did the fetus come from and where did it go?
hmm. i need to go ponder. but i’m not very pleased. 
a day later, i am still not very pleased. the smashing of too many things together is a simple writing flaw. it comes with the territory. i'm used to it by now, if still mildly perturbed. but man, mulder trusting diana and CSM over scully. whew. sometimes, it's like the writers have this character, and spend so much time crafting him as this devoted, if deeply flawed and egotistical guy who would do anything to save the people he loves, and then... they just... make him not care about anyone or anything. and pretend like it's the same guy. as if i was not the victim of a bait and switch here. and it's happened often enough where you'd think i'd see some sort of pattern or in-character justification for his sudden change of heart, but we never get it. never.
so, CSM claimed he could see his sister if everyone else in the world died and they became alien slaves. how many times has he dangled his sister over mulder's head before? why is this something he would still even consider? why does he take CSM's word about his father at face value? he doesn't even LIKE his father, and now CSM says oh, he wanted to save everyone, and mulder just. eats it up. with no evidence to support thing. i just don't get it. and then he gives up. sits in diana's apartment, ready to let everyone die. it's only scully's call that wakes him up, makes him take his characteristic action.
idk. is there something i'm missing here? does this make sense to anyone else? have you all come to see some sort of internal logic to his actions after spending years with these episodes and arcs, and i just have to put the pieces together and come to the conclusions that you reached decades ago? will there be some reveal that makes this all make sense eventually? am i even being coherent?
hmm. this is another of those episodes that makes me want to throw my laptop in the river. i will ponder other, better episodes in the meantime.
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fromtheseventhhell · 1 year ago
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She could feel the hole inside her every morning when she woke. It wasn't hunger, though sometimes there was that too. It was a hollow place, an emptiness where her heart had been, where her brothers had lived, and her parents. Her head hurt too. Not as bad as it had at first, but still pretty bad. Arya was used to that, though, and at least the lump was going down. But the hole inside her stayed the same. The hole will never feel any better, she told herself when she went to sleep. (Arya XII, ASoS)
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