#Federation in the QSMP Sucks

[tiredofpeoplebutstilllovethem]

Stranger Things and QSMP Crossovers

I had this idea for some reason about Steve being Tubbo from QSMP. Don't know why just do and I found a post where Steve is a year younger a Senior when The Party is on their Freshmen year and confused the hell out off the Hellfire Club about them interacting with Steve, or maybe a Age Swap AU where the adults are the same instead the kids are the teenagers and the babysitter club including Argyle are the kids.

This happened when the Eggs are still missing so, maybe it goes like Cucurucho and the other Admins sees Tubbo as threat even though they blackmailed him many times, he stills trying to break the rule of the Server, maybe they create like a way to permeant kill/kick Tubbo out of the Server and he can't come back to the Server. But Fit or any member of the QSMP heard this plan and warn the others, so they hatched a plan to protect Tubbo, while the said child is just minding his own business making a machines from the create mod to build a mechanic for mining since it's a need off fixing. They tried the teleport waypoint but, it doesn't work because the Federation shut it down and because they are in the edge from where Tubbo is, they quickly running to his house.

Tubbo who in discord hear their frantic screaming getting closer to him stop at what he is doing and see the whole server using their handglides and with the help of the Kapi bara's from the wall to him and Cucurucho did a Dr. Strange move and divide Tubbo souls from his body and the QSMP member watch in horror as Tubbo's body flop to the ground in Cucurucho arm, they immediately tries to get his body back and succeed and put him in bed to be keep watch the Federation hand and try to bring him back.

Enter Tubbo then wakes in a hospital with a bandage on his head and two people he doesn't know and realizes he is a 6 years old?! and was given the name Steve Harrington and apparently the year is 1972, he was in the hospital because he slips and hit his head hard on the concreate floor when he and his presentably best friend Tommy and Carol we're playing chase Steve then get into sports and secretly mechanic as much as he can since it's the only thing that remind him of his family back at the QSMP hopping to find a way to get out of here into his own year and out of this person body soon, as time pass on Steve slowly forgets about the QSMP members and his loved for mechanic because of his parents keep reprehended him at 'a Harrington is into business' not this honk of junk!' and keeps piling him with to do list, and leave him alone in the house while they are somewhere doing business' so he teaches himself on how to house chorus and taking care of himself.

So then everything went as the canon Stranger Things till S4 with Steve remembering who he was and slowly gets back at loving mechanic and machinery, while trying to get back home, but is torn apart between being here with the new family he had found or just going back to his waiting family and are his family in the QSMP still waiting for him or did they lose faith in him waking up?

And the Party group finds out about Steve past as Tubbo and asking questions about what is like there and so on so forth.

Oh and maybe Steve can see into his inventory and the bag he carries around is the bag that he uses in QSMP so he can stuff as much as stuff as he wants and only him no one else, he can just make things appeared out of nowhere and just making anyone thinks he is just like El/Jane. And maybe The some of the QSMP members manage to get to him and a fight for his custody ensue.

[royalarchivist]

Maxo: I haven't received an answer. Is there no one else on the island? Is it only us and The Federation?

How are we going to find answers about this mysterious island? This island, with a challenging but beautiful landscape, has pushed us to find out what hides in its depths.

With each sunrise our hopes to find life signs beyond our little community vanish... leaving a void in our souls. This is the story of people obligated to stay on an island looking for answers and a path or the truth... in the midst of an enigma that seems endless.

As days pass by, our courage and determination are being tested by the challenges of the island revealing secrets that threaten our view of reality.

The members of the Federation, an enigmatic and almighty organization, seem to be the only ones who possess any information about this place.

But their intentions and loyalty-

[Subscriber TTS plays]

Silence!

But their intentions and loyalty are questionable. Will they guide us to the truth? Or will they guide us further into the abyss of the unknown?

[kadextra]

List of everyone who's campaigning for the qsmp presidential elections & who have said their plans so far:

Forever - infiltrating the federation

Cellbit - doesn't want to be president - doing it to shield and support Forever

Baghera - doesn’t want to be president - using the platform of running as an opportunity for "another goal"

Bad - wants to overthrow the presidency in favor of a shared council

Foolish - for the memes, as a KELP (king emperor lord president) and dictator? but idk if he signed up in time

Slime/Gegg - for the memes

[polvuz]

just watched tazercract's last vod (in prison) and omfg. we might've finally got a opening to destroy the federation.

tbh I never was very fond of walter bob or any other minion, because to me that's all they're— federation minions. but this stream opened my eyes.

they are Not just minions, they are their own person. I've seen many people saying they the inhabitants gave some minions personality (like walter bob getting his name and appearance because of them) and yes I totally agree! but also, the prison guards already have a personality. and as far as I know, they first direct contact with sentient beings was with tazercraft, in prison. like backpack guard saying his name is classified? I don't watch many povs, so it could be news to only me, but since when the federation workers have names? since when they have -or rather, known- their existence as a Living Being With Consciousness? without having to be Given by others? hell, even cucurucho doesn't have a name. he tolerated to be called like that because humans, especially, crave significance, so obviously they'd give him a name. and he is even gone far by acknowledging and taking it as his own.

but that's all because of human interference.

now, at the end of the stream.

walter bob frequently did Not reciprocate mike's (numerous) hugs tentative throughout the entire episode, but in the end he Did hug mike back. this, to me, show how organic, alive, and emotional walter bob is. completely opposite of cucurucho.

if it was cucurucho, rather than any other minion, then it would've been 100% less emotional. "I want to escape!" "no." and so on. if walter bob was like cucurucho, then he would NEVER do anything. pac and mike want to escape? who cares. they feel sorry for breaking rules? no one asked.

the guards are, too, different. they were playing and talking lightly with tazercraft and walter bob whenever they felt like. pac talked so fondly of pancho that backpack guard decided to give him a whole PIE even though pac wasn't hungry anymore! the pan guard always listened to tazercraft! and even thought they were aggressive and violent against the prisoners, it's clearly they are alive.

when walter bob was took away, he was looking at tazercraft, as if either saying goodbye or for help. may be my mind, but he looked in despair to find out his first ever opportunity of being happy was teared away from him. and then the guard's message: "this is for my partner, you will not see your friend again." this has so many emotions. grief. anger. frustration. pain. revengeness and even denial. he is Not like cucurucho. he is like everyone else. he has feelings, he has a personality, he has a soul and a consciousness.

and where do I want to go with this? well, knowing all of this, the inhabitants might have a chance against the federation. the federation is strictly -might even say religiously- rational. everything done is done for a bigger, logical reason. no action is taken before being planned, calculated and accepted. not a single detail is left out and if it is, its for a reason. but they lack emotion. they lack life. and the inhabitants -the order- is full of it. they have emotions, they have life, they have logic, they have death. they have everything in balance. we have walter bob, who doesn't not want to be on the federation's side anymore. we have backpack guard, that despite developing an hatred towards pac and mike, he might be coerced to go against the federation (it's not like cucurucho will console him or treat respectably his grief, so he might turn his back at them).

and yes, I know this is little comparing to the federation size, ammo, technology, etc. but fuck it. you don't overthrow someone without doing little by little.

[bistaxx]

also fuck the feds I hope they rot in Hell <3

[australet789]

I have SO much to say about Jaiden's decision but I 100% agree with her and whatever the Cucuruchos are doing

I dont care, specially i dont care what Cellbit says about them

Because that has been the whole mindset of the islanders so far and it only have caused more problems than fixes

Because we have the best example of what happens when you don't agree with Cellbit's ideas

Foolish

Foolish since the very beggining was pro-Federation. He wanted to play around, because he is an inmortal god that has lived many lives and has seen everything. The Feds gave him a family and love he always wanted. But he was always VERY honest about his feelings, he always says how he liked the Federation and how he wanted to be Cucurucho's friend (mostly because he wanted a cloud and a gun).

And what did they do to him?

Beat him up

Treat him like a fool, like the dumb guy, the poor "omg he is so stupid we should help him see the truth with torture". He was left behind in The Nether, only to be attacked by everyone else when he managed to come back thanks to Philza

And everyone, including Cellbit, went to kick him in the balls. The only one who stopped them, was Roier. Roier who is Cellbit's husband but mostly, Foolish's adopted son.

Foolish is technically Cellbit's family and what did he do? He so supposedly care to the ones he is family with? He decided his believes were more important and added into the bullying

So now, look at Jaiden

Jaiden who is practically alone. Jaiden whose only friends are Roier and Foolish and we know how much Cellbit doesn't care if they care about someone else, if that person betrays him, he wont take a double look to see if there's something else going with with that someone.

Jaiden, who was spyed and mistrusted because of how much she loved Cucurucho, because she managed to see they were individuals apart from The Federation, like Walter Bob was. Fucked up individuals, but their own people in the end

I understand her lying. I understand wanting to hide into Cucurucho's side because nobody else is doing it. Because she was honest all the time and the only ones who appreciated that honesty, apart for Foolish, were the Cucuruchos

Cellbit has trauma, im not denying that. Cucurucho has fucked him up, but Jaiden has trauma too and she tried to be honest with everyone about it, only for the rest to laugh in her face

So now she is becoming like Cellbit. She is going to mistrust everyone. If all the fucking island only cares about what Cellbit needs to tell about The Feds, because he is sooooo reliable, he is the smart one, he is the only solving the riddles, he is the hero! Then she is going to do the opposite and switch sides completly to defend the ones she loves. And right now, she loves the Cucuruchos. Always have loved them since her past life.

And fuck everyone, but specially Cellbit (said by her character, mind you), if he thinks otherwise.

She is tired of being in the shadow of someone else biased opinion

And if she is wrong? Then so be it, everyone always believed she was wrong in the first place.

She, has nothing to lose anymore

[anonymous-dentist]

Or: The Vampire Prince has run away from home. Coincidentally, a hot guy has passed out on Roier's doorstep.

For Day One of @ender-princee's QSMP AU Week! Idk how many of these I'm going to do, but I wanted to get at least this one done!

-

Since the death of his son, Roier has spent his days peacefully laying in the pond behind his house and watching the clouds. Sometimes he makes up stories for them, sometimes he fills his mouth with water and waits for his lungs to collapse, sometimes he imagines Jaiden on the shoreline sketching the clouds out with Bobby by her side.

It's pretty chill.

He's alone these days. Kinda? Technically, Jaiden lives with him, but he hasn't seen her since the Federation took Bobby away. He thinks that she has an apartment in the city now. Good for her, honestly. If the city makes her happy, then she should be there.

It's very quiet.

Roier's house is in the middle of the woods miles away from the nearest city. He's close to the border between the Human and Vampire Kingdoms, but he doesn't really get many visitors. And that's fine! Really! He doesn't need visitors, he has his pond, and he has his son's grave to talk to when he's lonely.

Every morning at the crack of dawn, Roier goes to the pond. He gets used to the water's temperature first, and then he flops into it face-first and sucks in enough water to make him choke. And then, once he's sputtering for air, he turns onto his back and coughs the water up and falls asleep. By mid-afternoon, he's inside and completely naked and drying his clothes out and trying not to remember what he shouldn't be. And then, in the evening, he's back in the pond just in case some polite water spirit wants to drown him, and then it's inside for bed.

This morning, though, is weird, because there's something blocking Roier's front door from the outside. After a bit of pushing and grumbling, Roier eventually manages to get the door open just to see... a man. A really attractive man: scars, facial hair, the works. A really attractive man just completely passed out and entirely unconscious on Roier's doorstep.

Roier looks at the man. He's pale- too pale to be human. And, adding in the slight point to his ears, that means that this guy? Vampire, 100-percent. So that's cool.

The sun is about to rise, so Roier decides to do his one good deed of the year, and he drags the vampire into his house. It's entirely too easy to do, the man's so light, but who's Roier to judge someone's eating habits when he's barely been making himself one meal a day since Bobby's death? Could be a similar circumstance, who knows?

Once the vampire is settled on a pile of old blankets near the stove, Roier stands up, cracks his neck, and heads outside to go wallow in the pond.

If there's one thing that Roier is besides a bad father and a brilliant chef, it's punctual.

-

It takes two days for the vampire to wake up, and Roier spends those two days in the pond floating and in the forest hunting. He thinks that vampires prefer fresh blood, but he also thinks that this guy won't care what kind of blood he gets after how long he's been passed out.

And he's right! The second the vampire is awake, he's beelining for the jug of deer blood on the table.

Roier, shirtless and drying his clothes by the fireplace after that morning's soak, hardly reacts to the poor guy guzzling down the blood like it's the first thing he's had to eat in days (mostly because it is the first thing he's had to eat in days.) He isn't naked if only for the vampire's comfort, even if it is a little uncomfortable sitting in wet clothes.

Once the vampire is full, he collapses onto a chair at the table with a groan. He leans back, throws his head back, covers his face with his hands, and groans again.

Me, too, Roier thinks.

(He and this vampire could probably be very good friends.)

"What the fuck?" the vampire moans.

Roier shrugs in response, not expecting to be noticed. Does the vampire even know he's there? Probably, vampires can hear heartbeats and stuff.

Eventually, the vampire looks at Roier through his fingers.

"Dude," is the first thing he says to Roier.

And then:

"Why are you shirtless?"

Now, Roier can't exactly say that he's trying to visit his (dead) son, so he just says, "Fell into the pond, man, what does it matter?"

And then, because he's a bit of an asshole, he teases, "What, are you shy?"

"No! I'm just confused!" the vampire quickly responds. "Like, okay. I fainted outside of your door, I guess? And then I wake up, and you're shirtless. It's just a lot, you know?"

Roier nods. "So you are shy. That's fine, I get it."

The vampire's hands fall from his face, and he looks at Roier with slight confusion, slight annoyance, all handsome.

"Where am I?" he asks.

"My house. We're, uhhh... two days' walk from the border? The nearest city is Quesadilla, that's four days' walk."

"Oh," the vampire quietly says.

He looks around the house curiously.

"And you're human?" he asks.

Roier grins. "Yep! Unless my dads have been keeping something from me, anyway."

The vampire lets out a quiet laugh. And then he winces and presses a hand to his ribs.

Roier politely turns back to the fireplace. None of his business...

"I hate to ask you this, but... can I stay here for a little while longer?" the vampire asks. He sounds pained- out of breath, very tense. "I... may have broken my ribs earlier. When I was. Mm, fuck! Out there."

It's very quiet in the woods now that Roier's son is dead and his co-parent is gone. Roier hates the quiet, but he can't really imagine anything else anymore. He doesn't want his guest asking questions when he sees Roier going outside at dawn.

But, like. He feels bad, okay? He remembers being all alone and hurt in the woods after what Spreen did to him, he knows the pain, he knows how fucking annoying it is to be running through a dark forest with a busted rib and a bleeding hole in his chest and back.

So he nods and says, "Sure, man. Stay however long you want. Just don't eat me, eh? I have people who'll miss me."

(He thinks.)

The vampire audibly rolls his eyes. "Vampires don't eat humans, but I guess I won't eat you. You don't look very tasty, anyway."

Hurt, Roier spins around to shout at him in protest with an, "Ayyy!!!", and thus begins what he's sure will be only the first of many arguments.

-

The vampire's name is Cellbit, and he doesn't ask questions. He sleeps for most of the day and spends his nights in the back garden tending to some wildflowers he's decided to cultivate or inside reading.

On his second day awake, he'd told Roier where he had hidden his bag before passing out, and he'd sent Roier to get it. Roier still doesn't know all of what's inside, but he does know that it's one of those special bags that are bigger on the inside, and that Cellbit has a couple of extra sets of clothes and a lot of books in it. He also has a couple of 'blood supplement pills' that are supposed to make him less hungry, but he says those are for emergencies because "they taste like shit".

Cellbit doesn't say anything about his personal life, and he doesn't explain why he ended up hiding his bag and passing out in the middle of the woods so close to the Vampire Kingdom's border with what has turned out to be several broken ribs and a broken fang and a sprained ankle and a black eye, but that's fine. Roier doesn't need to know, just like how Cellbit doesn't need to know all of Roier's baggage.

For Cellbit's sake, Roier doesn't strip naked in the afternoons when he's drying his clothes. Nah, he changes clothes and lets his wet ones dry outside in the sun. And then he lays outside and dries in the sun, and it's almost as relaxing as laying in the pond is.

It's still quiet, but there's a nice buzz in the background all day that almost reminds Roier of when times were better and his son wasn't dead.

Almost.

-

Just after sunset, Cellbit comes outside to water his flowers.

He lets out a pained breath as he kneels down next to them with his makeshift watering can: an old bowl with a hole cut in it, and an even older cup with holes punched to it stuck onto the side of the bowl.

Roier floats.

"You know," he says, "I can go into the city and get you some actual seeds if you're planning on sticking around."

"I thought you said the city was four days away?"

"Yeah, but it's not like I have anything else to do."

(It would give him an excuse to see Jaiden again.)

"Well. I don't need seeds. I like wildflowers for a reason. They get to just... be. No human intervention." A pause. "Or, well, vampire intervention."

Mmm, that sounds like a metaphor for something.

Cellbit waters his flowers. They're pink little things: ruffly like a skirt with white stripes and big, broad leaves. They're pretty, definitely something Tilín would have liked.

Roier's head bumps against the rocky wall of the pond. He grumbles and uses his hand to push himself back towards the pond's center where it's deepest.

"It's nice out here," Cellbit says. "Maybe I'll build a house here. We can be neighbors!"

Roier smiles at the thought. He moved out here with Jaiden and Bobby to get away from the city and all the bastards in it, but he wouldn't mind some company. He likes Cellbit, he thinks. Definitely neighbor-worthy.

...Though the house will be just that little bit quieter.

Maybe he and Cellbit can have their meals together. Or something.

Cellbit grunts as he stands, and then he hobbles over to the pond and sits down. He pulls his socks and shoes off and puts them next to him, he rolls his pants up to his knees, and then he sticks his feet in the water.

Roier gasps, "What, for free?"

He cackles as Cellbit kicks a wave of annoyed water at him. Some water gets in his mouth, but that's fine. Nothing he isn't used to.

-

Roier goes hunting twice a week so Cellbit has blood to eat. Drink? Feed from? Whatever.

He used to hunt more before he moved into the woods with his family. He and Spreen and Missa and Quackity and Mariana would all go out together to the outskirts of the city and see who could bag the biggest deer or the most rabbits, and it was awesome! Spreen always won, but that was just how it was.

Spreen always won.

Every time Roier carves the heart out of a deer and drains its blood, he pretends that it's Spreen's body beneath him. Spreen's final breaths- panicked and pained and pathetic. Spreen's heart- ugly. Spreen's hand holding his and Spreen's voice begging him to stop and Spreen's voice apologizing but not meaning it, never fucking meaning it, because he went too far and he didn't fucking care and-

And then Roier fills a jug with blood and brings it back to the house. Cellbit only needs to feed once a week, supposedly, but Roier likes having extra blood in the house just in case.

Cellbit seems to appreciate the thought, at least. He always brightens when Roier walks into the house with a fresh jug of blood, and he always tries helping Roier go hunting even though he can barely walk on his fucked-up ankle.

He's sweet. Roier almost doesn't want him to go, but he's going to, eventually.

They always do.

-

Roier needs to go into the city to stock up on medicines for the winter, and he tells Cellbit this and asks if Cellbit needs him to stock up on extra blood before he goes.

"I can just go with you," Cellbit replies. He rolls his ankle around in a small circle. "I'm feeling much better, and I want to get some actual gardening stuff."

'And I'll be lonely without you', Roier knows Cellbit's heart is saying, because his own is saying it, too.

...So maybe they're a little codependent already. But it's been almost two full months of them living together, and they're both two very attractive men, and they're both more than a little lonely.

Roier shrugs and agrees, and that's that.

Four days later, they're in Quesadilla, and Roier is at the pharmacy loading a basket full of everything he thinks he might need for the winter. He gets sick easily, and he gets sick often, and he does not want to die alone in a cabin in the woods during his first winter by himself. That would be embarrassing.

Cellbit is at the garden supplies shop down the road, so Roier is by himself as he waits in line to pay. And, because he's a nosy bitch, he listens as the women waiting in line in front of him gossip.

"It's been two months," one says, "he's definitely dead."

The other rolls her eyes. "Vampires can't die, idiot. He's probably just stuck in a dungeon somewhere."

"No, but he should be dead after what he's done," the first woman sniffs. "I hope the Federation dealt with him properly."

Roier stifles a wince at the mention of the Federation; ugh, he hates those guys!

"I don't know," the second woman sighs, "he is a prince. Are they even allowed to arrest princes?"

"See, this is why I'm glad the Human Kingdom has a council and a king. The Federation can arrest anybody breaking the law, and it'll be fine!"

"Well, at least he wasn't the heir to the throne. The Vampire Princess seems like a much more decent person."

"I mean, if our standards for 'decent' are if they're literally evil, then, sure, she's decent. Better than, uh... what did he do again?"

The second woman looks to the first in confusion. "I thought you knew?"

"I thought you did!"

Ignoring their arguing, Roier sneaks around them to cut in line and pay. Whoever they're talking about, Roier likes him. Anybody Cucurucho hates is a friend of Roier's!

-

Jaiden fills him in via a letter that arrives shortly after Roier and Cellbit return to the house. Roier reads it, and he tries not to look at Cellbit as he does so.

'So here's what I've heard,' the letter says. 'The Federation was interested in opening a branch in the Vampire Kingdom's capital city, and the king and queen were kind of into it. Their kids aren't, though. Princess Bagi wants to establish a more settled list of regulations- which Cucurucho is not into, by the way- and Prince Cellbit has been flat-out just arguing with Cucurucho and the other employees up there.

'But here's the thing, Prince Cellbit hasn't actually been seen in months! Cucurucho says that he's being 'dealt with' by his parents, but everybody knows that he's probably actually dead. It sucks for him, but I don't think he should've argued in the first place. I mean, the Federation does good work. If he hates it so much as to kill workers like everybody thinks he's been doing, then maybe he should be dealt with. Not by being killed, obviously, but maybe prison isn't too crazy. Hopefully that's where he ended up.

'Thanks for visiting, by the way. I missed you. I'll try and visit you before the first snow falls. I want to see Bobby one last time before the Solstice.'

Roier tosses the letter into the fire as soon as he's finished reading it.

-

By the time the first snow falls, Cellbit is fine. His ankle is better, his ribs are better, his eye is better. His fang is absolutely fucked, but he doesn't really need it if Roier is filling jars for him.

The pond, unfortunately, is frozen over. Roier sits by it the way he used to with Bobby back when they'd lace up their skates and get ready to go out onto the ice.

After a couple of minutes of dusk, Cellbit comes out to join him with a small smile. Their arms press into each other, and Roier fights the urge to rest his head on Cellbit's shoulder.

"This is my first winter away from home," Cellbit tells him.

"This is my first winter by myself," Roier tells him.

Cellbit looks mildly offended.

Roier smiles at him and gently nudges his side.

"By myself with you, gatinho," he teases. "How could I forget you?"

Cellbit looks positively regal in the snow. The way it settles in his hair looks like lace, his eyes are already as blue as ice. All he needs is a silvery crown, and he could be the Winter King from all the stories Roier heard when he was a kid.

He rolls his eyes and nudges Roier back.

Roier nudges him again.

Cellbit nudges him again, slightly harder.

Roier nudges him with his hands, pushing him over and into the snow.

Moments later, he's being tackled into the snow by a very chilly vampire. He's absolutely freezing, but his face is still very warm as Cellbit pins him down and looks into his eyes with a smile as wide as his handsome face.

Slowly, Cellbit leans his head down. At the same time, Roier props himself up on his elbows, raising his head to meet him. He moves on instinct, heart pounding, eyes fluttering shut.

Chapped lips brush against his, and Roier feels warm aaaalll over.

-

On the day of the Solstice, Roier visits Bobby's grave with a book. Every year, he and Jaiden and Bobby would snuggle together in Bobby's bed and read A Solstice Song to him; he never got into the Solstice spirit, but he loved the ghosts.

Roier clears the snow off of the bench by Bobby's tombstone. He sits, opens the book, and reads.

Hours later when he's finished, he's crawling into bed shivering and crying. He doesn't look at Cellbit, he doesn't do anything except shed his coat and hat and gloves and shoes and drop the book to the floor and get into bed.

A few very hesitant moments later, Cellbit joins him. He stay sitting up, though one of his hands finds its way into Roier's hair.

"'Fred was dead to begin with'," Cellbit reads, "'There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk,the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Elena signed it. And Elena’s name was good upon ’Change, for anything she chose to put her hand to.'"

Roier turns to hide his face in Cellbit's side, and he cries.

-

Spring comes, and Roier drains the pond to clean it.

It's as he's knee-deep in mud and dead leaves as the sun sets, and that's when Cellbit comes outside with a guilty look on his face.

"I haven't been totally honest with you," he says.

Roier sighs and sticks his shovel down into the much and leans against it.

"Is this about the Vampire Prince stuff?" he asks. "Because I don't care about any of that. You're my gatinho, and that's all that matters."

Cellbit's entire body freezes. He seems to think for a long, long moment before his shoulders start loosening.

"Oh," he says. He's smart, but he's also stupid. He didn't even give Roier a fake name, gods.

Roier takes pity on him and blows him a kiss that Cellbit gladly catches and pulls to his unbeating heart.

"I don't care what you did," Roier gently says. "I don't care what people say you did. I don't care if you're the prince or some homeless guy I took pity on, you're my Cellbit. As long as you don't hurt me, I don't care."

Cellbit's eyes widen immediately in panic. "What? No, never! I'd never hurt you! I'd hurt for you, but never you. Never."

Roier smiles at him. "See? Problem solved. Now, get a shovel, we need this cleaned and refilled before mid-spring."

Cellbit wrinkles his nose at the mess, but he goes to get his gardening shovel from the shed that he and Roier built.

"Why?" he asks. "What's in mid-spring?"

Roier swallows and looks up at the still-setting sun.

"Bobby's birthday," he answers.

He waves to the setting sun. Goodnight, sweet prince.

[probatiostudies]

anyways i’m scared abt the upcoming og bolas rojas lore like… okay it was fine q!philza has q!etoiles and q!roier, the team is somewhat there we’re fine… but the rest of the og team hasn’t returned… reports are showing their status as inconclusive… q!foolish is implied to be dead or at risk of being dead by his admittedly dramatic federation coworkers… cc!slimecicle shared he’s avoiding logging back into the QSMP because he knows he’ll get sucked back into it and he wants to avoid trampling on any of the lore plans in the works… like… pls this might be something so good (and by good i mean heart-wrenching or so so silly)

[alienssstufff]

ANALYSING Q!SLIME'S FINAL BIRTHDAY GIFT [12/08/2023]

With the addition of the underground railway within the mines of q!Slime's Eggxile base, the choices on the birthday build (from the lead-up, the threshold, to the house itself) adds so much on to q!Slime's character as well as gives hints on the bigger picture of the Federation and the new wave of codes.

Prior to today's Birthday stream, the two significant builds in Eggxile are the Altar to Lil J and the Basement - two builds that represent q!Slime's religious devotion and his familial devotion respectively. I did an analysis comparing the two in another post HERE as a Part 1 - big recommend to read through that one before this one when you can!

This time I'll be going into detail specifically about the underground railway and how it represents q!Slime's 'devotion' to the island itself and the Federation.

long rambling ahead be careful [EXPLANATION UNDERCUT]

PREVIOUS KNOWLEDGE: Quick SparkNotes summary about Slime's way of building:

Slime's builds are simplistic, symmetrical layouts (preferably circular)

Comprised of mostly local, easy to obtain/manufacture materials

A lot of flora interior

NO security, little-to-no input from the Create-mod

These characteristics were derived from the similarities between Slime's existing builds of the Altar and the Basement. The uncanniness of the Birthday Build is that it is an extension NOT built by Slime, but instead is the Federation's attempt to imitate his style and forcibly insert itself into his life.

We can presume that this is the Federation's doing and by extension JuanaFlippa's current identity by the context clues during the scavenger hunt. The main giveaway being the location of the START placed at the QSMP Dinner Hall: the first sightings of the Egg Codes and the location of Gegg's assassination. The detail of the FIRST CLUE as well being Slime's train ticket to the island supports this theory in assumption that it was the Federation that both brought the original 17 residence to the island and is currently withholding the tickets themselves.

The scavenger hunt goes as planned, all in all directing Slime back to his Eggxile base. (Note the poster being placed IN FRONT of the school's only exit)

THRESHOLD BETWEEN THIS WORLD AND THE NEXT: Not much of Slime's actual base is touched in the scavenger hunt other than the nook in the Basement Slime had originally designed to be JuanaFlippa's area. Here it is decorated with the carpet, two chairs, and two presents. Everything before that (lamps including) was made by Slime.

After Slime collects what he believes is the last of the presents the lamps in the Basement are progressively removed directing him to the only other light in room being the black wool platform and chest. These lamps were destroyed NOT turned off. The contents of the chest read as follows:

Hostile architecture is defined as a design strategy to purposefully guide or restrict movement (targeting mostly the homeless. it sucks). And by limiting Slime's vision here is the first of many examples of the Federation restricting Slime's movement as the path progressively becomes more and more forced.

From here to the mine entrance Slime is still given a physical choice whether or not to follow the light. This is the Federation's way in giving Slime the illusion of free choice. 'You chose to follow the light' 'You chose to break that wall in the mines' 'You chose to activate the train carriage'

The train carriage and its small, difficult to move around, interior being the last direct choice Slime makes. It locks him inside and sends him on a trip that goes no where but down, deeper into the mines.

It's worth noting that originally these mines originally belong to Slime. He made this entrance and he was able to freely explore any part of these caves. What the train carriage does is give Slime a strict path to follow and a very limited window to look through - no straying from the path here. Look only where the Federation tells you to.

Given the connection between codes and trains, symbolically this can also represent Slime's gradual spiral (the shape of the tracks) into hell - the madness that is the island led on by the Federation.

JUANAFLIPPA'S HOUSE: The road ends at a small house at the very bottom of the lush caves. It's a nice house! Supposedly trying to replicate the arched partition walls in the Basement... But not quite perfectly imitating his style of build. The giveaways being its asymmetry and the choice of materials: a variety of different wood types, most NOT local to Eggxile (also the fake house just looks prettier wwww)

Here's the two houses for comparison (Slime's house is an 8x8 block square)

Stylistically, the vibe of this house given the location and purpose remind me of that one Cold War bunker in Las Vegas. An underground mansion designed to look like the outside world - a secluded, controlled paradise for a family to live in.

The confirmation that the underground house being a facade becomes clearer the deeper Slime explores the inside.

Normal interior. Normal kitchen. Normal table: 4 chairs (like the outside bonfire), 3 mugs (Slime, Mariana, Juanaflippa). Shelves like Slime's old house in Sacapuntas. A passageway in the wall leading to Juanaflippa's room.

All these things portraying the life Slimeriana and Juanaflippa could have lived. A happy family tucked under from all the dangers of the outside, far far away from the world. Until you look deeper into the cracks only to find out it was all fake, there is nothing back there. A mockery in disguise of a gift.

THE FEDERATION AND SLIME: Prior to the birthday stream with the assassination of Gegg, Slime had initially come to terms that Juanaflippa was well and truly dead and had told ElQuackity (a member of the Federation) that he no longer had any attachments to the island, and because of that would try to be himself. The Federation responded to this twice: the first being ElQuackity offering a position to work with them and ElQuackity win the Elections (this fails as ElQuackity is assassinated by q!BBH); the second being this birthday stream.

So far the Federation has not destroyed anything Slime has built but instead added on top of it. These decisions both give Slime a reason to stay on the island whilst pushing him to do things aligned with the Federation's goals shown by the gifts he gets in the scavenger hunt (Ghillie suit, landmines, grappling hook, dark metal ingots).

Interestingly the 2nd prize during the scavenger hunt is quite literally called the CHARLIE Flag and is the nautical symbol for YES. While the purpose of this flag is for whatever mission the Federation is about to send Slime on, this is also metaphorical as the only response Slime can give right now is YES.

Additionally the flag metaphor could be applied on the controls at the beginning of the tracks: Red flag both socially and in Nautical terms (BRAVO) meaning danger/carrying dangerous cargo.

These are literal red flags in the world in the architecture that are warnings to Slime that once he 'agrees' to these terms and conditions, life for him will only get more dangerous with no way in turning back. Deliberate decisions made by the Federation in guise of Slime's actions and the places he's impacted in the world.

In the end, Slime is a product of the early QSMP and how its history shapes a person and is represented physically by the builds he makes. By the interference of the new tech and prettier structures, the Federation overwrites Slime's creations against his will, creating a world unfamiliar to him - blending what is the truth of the past with the new, augmented present. In another context, change like this can be a good thing - but in this circumstance presents itself as an invasive decision into Slime's private life. This is the Federation forcibly applying itself as one of Slime's priorities in sacrifice of rewriting everything Slime has gone through.

[isa-ghost]

Hey, do you have any Phil & Charlie hcs or perhaps Phil & Foolish?

I'm having such a struggle picking which fucking one to do bc on one hand Foolish probably has more material to work with but on the other I've seen Phil and Charlie interact so much (but like outside of qsmp) that I'd have a way better idea of their dynamic. Charlie Slimecicle log on qsmp more often you talented fuck.

Anyway we're gonna attempt some Phil/Foolish ones. I think they're called Immortals or some shit?? Idr.

qPhil headcanons masterlist

Phil had no fucking clue what Foolish's deal was prior to being paired with him on Bolas. He knew he was a goofy happy-go-lucky and talented guy that?? Maybe had allegiances with the Feds?? Hard to tell?? He thought it was a bit tbh. But Purgatory opened Phil's eyes up and he learned that yeah, he's kinda right to a degree. But there are still layers to Foolish despite how Just Vibing he is.

And holy shit can he TELL Foolish has the capacity to be terrifying. You're telling me an immortal shark-totem hybrid doesn't have the ability to kill a motherfucker violently??? NAH. Phil can tell if enough of the right buttons are pushed, Foolish would snap and tear a bitch to shreds. Likely for Leo.

Phil's not entirely sure he can trust Foolish bc he's so unclear about where his loyalties lie, but Phil CAN tell that Foolish keeps it that way for a reason, and Phil thinks it's smart. Despite not entirely trusting him, he believes Foolish wouldn't like. Sell out his friends for a corn chip, yknow?

Now when you take all the serious out of these two though, THEN it gets interesting. Foolish is one of the islanders that has the easiest time getting Phil to let loose. It's just contagious, Foolish is too silly.

At the same time Phil looks at him and is just like ???? How the fuck does he smile through the horrors like that ???? Like clearly he's aware Situations suck and he's anxious like anyone else so how does he have the willpower to be silly and chill???? Phil envies it. He's too full of anxiety. Survivalist's curse.

Foolish's laugh is pure serotonin to Phil. And kryptonite, Foolish's laugh makes Phil laugh. He can't help it. Motherfucker sounds like a window washer squeegee thing when he's dying.

They have 2 very different flavors of immortality to me and while I don't know how a conversation about it would go bc Foolish is so casual and Phil is so? Not secretive but like. Not nonchalant about it? There's still something there that the ccs should cook on. I'm begging them to, in fact.

Also something about how one of them has deep ties to the air and the other technically has deep ties to the sea. Something about that. Especially when used in like, a serious situation. Like spying on the Federation or some shit. Do you see my vision. Using their inborn abilities to their advantage while in collaboration with each other for the sake of them and their friends. Do you see it.

Phil: Gifting shed feathers to trusted loved ones 🤝🏻 Foolish: Gifting lost shark teeth to trusted loved ones

I don't headcanon Phil as a short king like the entire rest of the fandom apparently does but obviously Foolish is fucking enormous compared to 99% of people, Phil included. If Phil could fly he'd spitefully hover just a little higher than Foolish's full height just to mess with him.

FUCKING. TALENTED BIG BUILDS DUO. SHAKING THEM BY THE SHOULDERS WHEN WILL THEY COLLAB. (The kids beg for this often)

Foolish has no idea if he's some kinda deity or if he's just immortal with some kinda weird totem roots and it drives Phil insane bc the hardcore deities have such a different energy than him yet you're telling him (maybe) both are divinity??

Speaking of the hardcore deities, Phil desperately wants to introduce Foolish to the Ocean Overlord bc they're (maybe) both himbo gods with some sort of tie to the ocean that are just vibing their asses off. (Oh my god wait I'm cooking on that idea. Doozers let's cook together on this).

Phil is jealous that Foolish can still swim, the thing he's deeply connected to (esp with those cosmetic fins he has) but he can't fly, the thing he's deeply connected to. But really it's just that Foolish is lucky bc the Federation would have to horrifically butcher him more or less in order to take away his ability to swim properly. Phil's easier to forcibly contain.

Believe it or not, if a situation arose where it was necessary, Phil would pick Foolish for his team (again) in a heartbeat. He may not be as passionate about fighting as Etoiles, or as ruthless as Fit, but hes powerful nonetheless, a trusted friend, has been in that situation with Phil before, and is a beacon of positivity; excellent for morale. Silly disposition and weird alliances aside, Foolish is an invaluable addition to a team from an objective perspective.

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Favorite Qsmp Moments By Yours Truly

Reblogged this post about my Top 3, and felt compelled to put down all the moments I remember the most fondly (which is a lot so good luck getting through the whole post, if you make it to end you get the eggs back on the server)

#Lore

Pretty much the entire Happy Pills arc (Philza seeing the fake room and fake Richas, the lead up to Forever pulling a gun on him, Cellbit and Forever's argument, Forever hysterically sobbing while talking to fake Richas, the reveal that Forever destroyed the entire goddamn server and forced the Fed to do a server rollback, the Curing, the calm afterwards)

Pac being walked back to Chume Labs by Cellbit after being cured, them having their heart to heart, Cellbit recognizing his struggle and telling him he saved himself and Forever, that he was a hero, and Pac quietly recovering in his first moment of peace since it all started.

The hospital visits when Forever was comatose. Philza, Bad and Cellbit's visits are the ones people talk about the most for the serious parts but Fit also visited and opened up a surprising amount, I feel like it said a lot about his character that he opened up to a man in a coma, desperate to get his words off his chest, but not trusting enough to tell someone who would remember them the next day

Bad getting really pissed at the Federation for the first time and lassoing Cucurucho to "walk him like a dog" (you could feel the anti-Federation sentiment really solidify in this moment, before it was more so Cellbit's personal vendetta but this became one of the moments that made it a server-wide stance)

Vegetta and later Foolish fighting off the Codes who were trying to kill Leo (the absolute stress from Foolish's fight when he kept shouting at Leo to warp out and her not doing it was unreal)

Tallulah's first death, how hard Fit, Forever and their eggs fought to protect her, and how absolutely furious Philza was

Pretty much every Forever and Cucurucho interaction post-Happy Pills; their dynamic was never the same after that, and you can see how tense Forever is every time he's alone with Cucurucho

Charlie's rampage after Flippa died the first time (pre-trial); he's too good at voice acting cause holy shit

Maxo's "King of the Codes" dream after his leg got infected

Quackity coming back after El Quackity vanished and being himself yet completely different (not remembering anyone, only speaking spanish, not being able to read or write), and Maxo and Roier sticking by him trying to press for answers while Q just wanted to build his house

Etoiles getting hyped for his big final fight with the Codes, and the excitement immediately being sapped out of him when he sees Pomme in the cage

The first time we saw a Federation worker other than Cucurucho (Cellbit was the first to see one I believe)

Tubbo's "Fire won't break it. TNT won't break it. I will." speech after Quackity abducted Fred

Funnies/Generally Cool

The Gordinho Gostozinho highlights (from funny ones like the Foolish and Austin kiss to lore like the ambush on El Quackity)

Foolish roleplaying being very fucking drunk in the club after the spiderbit wedding (him being like "you want a shot? I'll give you a fucking shot" and pulling out a gun and shooting Charlie was so goddamn funny, second time he shot Charlie that night); he was wildly good at roleplaying a drunk person and after the Brazil meetup where we learned he's apparently a tank when it comes to drinking I'm starting to see where it comes from lmao

Maxo waking up in Pierre's bed with his moan remix playing after he died during a serious lore moment, and his face of absolute defeat and bitter resentment actually had me struggling to breath from how hard I was laughing (also Baghera hysterically laughing at the clip and showing it to people)

Polis singing My Heart Will Go On with his very crunchy microphone to Cellbit (and Cell losing his shit)

Vegetta starting to suck off Foolish in the middle of a theater full of people the first fucking day the French were on the server, and the ensuing shouting from everyone angrily trying to stop them

SASUKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Debate moderator Fit during the election arc (+him reading out Gegg's speeches, as well as just Gegg's speeches in general)

Lawyer Jaiden/Bad/Quackity/Roier being genuinely really good at acting as lawyers (and lawyer Fit offering to bribe and then murder the judge if the trial didn't go their way. Also the trial derailing into exposing Foolish for his love life with Mariana for some reason)

All the victims of Eh Vegetta

The emotional rollercoaster that is the Frubbo arc, Tubbo's thirst tweets included

Felps

The first time the admins did a roundup of everyone's early-game builds and they kept showing Mariana's base with the negative buzzer sound, each time of which made Mariana more angry until he was just swearing in spanish

Mousey's first experiences in Lucky Ducks, and the pinpointable moments that led to her totally not gambling addiction

Abueloier (specifically his first interaction with Quackity cause of how good Roier is at making Q laugh with horny humor + the moment when Abueloier said he had been fighting with Roier for 20 years and Cellbit asked "how did you fight with a baby" and them cracking up cause Roier hadn't thought that part through)

Baghera being consistently bad at predicting mines for the sake of avoiding them

Fit killing Tubbo with the potato gun after he started strip teasing on Pac

That clip of Missa jumping off the wall to hit a bucket clutch, miscalculating and hitting part of the wall, falling further, hitting part of the wall again and getting downed on it, falling while downed, and finally hitting the ground where he was unable to clutch because he was downed, and immediately dying

Every moment where Tina is unhinged (her raging at Bad when he's being a nuisance, her being down horrendous for Bagi, etc)

Charlie talking about his dead daughter and Foolish interrupting him to ask if he lactates (Charlie doesn't usually hesitate with responses cause of how quick witted he is but he had to fully pause after that one)

Spreen teaching Fit how to do a line being his most meaningful contribution to their marriage

Felps Square, and the rise of Squole (Felps Square x Tubhole)

The Jaidens (and how hilariously shit they were at being stealthy)

The French Beast aka Etoiles various adventures destroying the Codes and typing his win streak in chat after every fight

Philza getting to really know Tazercraft during Tallulah's birthday party (seriously watch the clips Mike is fucking hilarious)

The post-lore hangout (might've been the election dinner?) where Foolish, Mouse, Tina, and Felps went dungeoning together; I got to learn more about Mouse, and the chemistry the Foolish/Tina/Mouse group had with Felps was really fun

Rivers being awkward as fuck around other people that aren't Roier

The entire trial of Juanaflippa, including Charlie and Mariana being in holding and breaking out

Antoine's "because he's a fucking troll" about Pierre

The moment when Kameto logged on

Forever calling Bad "sir" (if yk yk)

Fit complaining to Philza and co. about Spreen being a "fucking asshole husband who went out for cigarettes"

Vegetta and Roier debuting as strippers and Quackity's reaction (+Vegetta getting stuck in the wall)

Flippa's turtle falling off a ledge and killing itself right in front of Charlie and Mariana's sex roleplay

Mine Roulette with Antoine, Bad, Baghera, Pomme and Foolish (that evening was such a vibe and it was my first time watching from Antoine's stream)

Etoiles saying that Pierre is married and has kids but all he can think about is being depressed over the admins nerfing Create after Tubbo kept breaking things

Ramón being mad at Fit for keeping secrets from him and saying "talk to my shell" before carrying on with his redstone

The pinpointable moments where Tallulah gets more sassy and confident until she's unironically putting "serve cunt" in her signs

Bad trying to get info from Cucurucho, being told by Dapper and Ramón not to flirt, and immediately slipping up with the "you come here often"

Missa singing When You're Gone during his dog funeral (I know this sounds sad but it was really fucking funny, Missa's language vocabulary is 70% incompressible whimpering)

Fit losing his absolute mind after Cucuruchito started heavy flirting with him out of no where

Vegetta's mines and all the carnage they have caused (you could make a whole comp from just the French's arrival)

That era where Tazercraft where abusing create mod and breaking Federation shit near on the daily (the poor admins lmao)

Forever and Bad exploring the Federation construction site and Forever making Cucurucho drink his pee before being shot at for making Cucurucho drink his pee

And of course, all of the lovely Qsmp songs/memes (Vivo Turbo ad, Pac e Mike wow wow, Eh Vegetta, Maxo moan remix, Pomme Pomme Dapper Dapper remix, Quackity paga el servidor, honorary French member Bebou, meus pais/minhas mães, the inactive members being referenced to this day, Amiga...)

[giiyus]

he finished the library and now is trying to find cucurucho

tubbo is speedrunning building the library for cucurucho so he can interrogate him about the eggs' whereabouts later!!

[totem-but-shark]

I saw bad got to visit a new renovated federation office and keen eyed ghosties were able to catch that qfoolish has a new office there. Whilst a month or two ago this would've been something that excited me im now not sure how to feel.

For the reset Qfoolishs federation detective lore that he'd been working on for months was completely disregarded and practically erased with no continuation planned, it was just cut. Pancks (agent 18s admin) confirmed it was cancelled and whilst I had assumed this was the case for a while it still sucked to know for sure. I just don't know if I can trust the administration with his story again or even want them to pick it up, i don't want to see my fave dragged through another arc of empty leads and abandoned storylines. I don't want to continue like nothing occurred especially when im not seeing change in how player lore is handled. I don't want to be let down again. It almost feels insulting, being thrown meaningless scraps of lore that are then too also dead ends, it's draining.

I have been following qfoolishs story for the entirety of the qsmp and though this isn't the first time his lore has been abandoned or fallen through at this point i am out of good will. After months of pouring love and dedication into the qsmp world and it's lore, being patient and understanding when things didn't seem to make sense or storylines ended abruptly without explanation i simply now don't have the energy to put myself through the same process again without sign of change. I love the qsmp and qfoolish but my trust in the lore side of the project has not been repaired. I am not hopeful for the story moving forward

[linimoonlight]

This might just be me being petty but i love that the capitalism on the qsmp is kinda annoying and the players are also already cursing it out for putting all their basic needs and fun behind paywalls.

It makes total sense from a game pov to slow down progress. But even from a lore pov it should suck and i'm glad it kinda does! Because its still the federation forcing capitalism onto their lifes after for months they have all worked together and helped each other. Its just another thing the federation does to make their lifes more difficult and control them. Its probably also a good way for the federation to divide the islanders more cause this kinda makes everyone work for themselves and they might be less likely to help out others without expecting monitary gain. Or thats what the federation might hope for (besides stocking up their bad financial standing) because the islanders are less of a threat if they dont all work together.

Having said that, i really hope the islanders band together to break the economy and destroy the federation imposed capitalism and we can all eventually leave this system behind <3

[comradeboyhalo]

i honestly think that getting rid of egg lives might help the story bc we all know ive been a hater of "egg kidnappings" ever since dapper just gets continuously nerfed for the plot. its not really interesting anymore. i actually enjoy code attacks, but when theyre mindlessly op, then theyre also not fun to watch. maybe getting rid of the mindset that "eggs must die" or "eggs are the only way to prompt islanders to do x" will actually stop future plots from feeling repetitive. cause qsmp wasn't originally about eggs. it originally didnt rely on egg lives as motivations and the greater qsmp story is still federation-based.

at the same time, i really do understand what a good plot device death is, and how it's been such a good plot device when its executed well. thinking about dapper's nightmare and death in particular, those both hit q!bad so hard because dapper is mortal. but, inversely, dapper being targeted/nerfed/kidnapped so many times has sucked the shock out of it for me. im more emotionally connected to his soul vulture self-harming, even though he's never been in any danger of dying. child death isnt the only way to invoke grief.

*but it's hard to be unbiased on this because im a bbh main and i feel like all his closest friends end up being the eggs. during the kidnapping arc, he mainly interacted with bagi but now she has a different schedule. if any of the late night trio die, bbh streams will start to feel so much emptier and i already went through that with dsmp.

[antimony-medusa]

Okay so Hurt/Comfort went live today and my gift (the gift to me) was this absofucking lutely INCREDIBLE codebreakers gladiator au, which is mostly etoiles dialogue, and it is absolutely pitch-perfect. Stream "smiling like you mean it" forever.

“Hell of a risk to take when they’re the ones feeding you,” Philza said after that, eyebrows raised. Survival was very difficult outside of Federation control, and he was a little bit scrawny, so this was fair. “Is this– tell me if I’m asking too many fucking questions, but is this where you are unless they’ve got you fighting?” Oh, shit, exposition time. Etoiles had never had to explain being a gladiator to anybody before, though he had taught people how to fight, a long time ago– he had taught a little girl, and some friends, and now he was trapped in a dark pit to be driven into battle as a slave, which was really just a more literal version of how existence had metaphorically felt before this. “Mostly I am here, yes,” he admitted. He collapsed into a cross-legged seated position, facing Philza but out of grabbing range. Philza sat down as well, breathing still labored. “But I am meant to be in solitary– more usually, we would be in the barracks, but I snore so much and I stink, and so they voted me down here.” “Really, is that why,” Phil deadpanned, mouth twitching. “It is exactly why,” Etoiles said mournfully. “The Federation asks, what do you think of Etoiles, and the others say that I am shit, that I should be told nothing and will probably die to a capybara one day. They made a poll and I was voted last in all categories. They put a rock in as a joke and it was voted more handsome than me, a better talker, and then they took pity, they gave me a signed paper that said everyone agrees I am too ugly to live–” Philza choked out a laugh, sucked in a breath and let it out in shivery mirthful gasps, almost doubling over. Probably because he had a broken rib or two. “Shut up,” he managed, wheezing, “shut the fuck up, quit , that is such bullshit–” “I would show you the certificate, but one day I ran out of toilet paper, so it’s gone,” Etoiles sighed, sending Philza into another fit of smothered laughter. “And now you laugh at my pain, you have come into the ditch I was thrown into just to mock me, Phil, Phil. I deserve this. I deserve your cruelty. You can do an event with only armor you stole and I need sponsors to live, bro, I am a weakling.”