#FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOU

[boxwinebaddie]

so, you're telling me....

( tw for unc nina med trauma/its-on-para-siGHT-bitch! )

***update:

that the past 2-3 weeks of hell i spent fighting for my goddamn fucking life alone in my room, tearing my body apart to try and keep it together, those abrasions and tears creating openings for worse things to burrow in along side the original things, thinking i figured out what i have only to realize the parasite was not done forming, new stuff forming while that was happening like i was a goddamn petri dish, having to spend every hour of every day doing research to find out what was wrong with me bc my family wouldnt believe me

and thought i was a psychotic basket-case and that even after four traumatic trips to the er, the doctors were still not fucking listening to me, told me i was sunburned and needed to be sedated, to take my chill pills, taking antibiotic after antibiotic, my hair coming out, my skin turning red and yellow, that shit not curing me, that shit actually making me worse??? that shit literally chemical burning me, that shit making me weaker than i was when i was a 14 year old freshman in high school, that fucking evil mystery diagnosis hive mind about to send a ectoparasites into my fucking heart and lungs and shit,

with me literally ready to FUCKING DIE...

could all have been over in one hour, after i promised myself i would not do any more research and just let it happen, happened to stumble upon the right parasite that presents identically to the one that i was told ( loose term, they didn't test me ) / thought i had...

but when smothered with VasoFUCKINGLine...

IS KILLED INSTANTANEOUSLY.

[godihatethiswebsite]

Where are my CoD girlies who also watch The Boys because—

[sashisuse]

what do you mean gege confirmed that the rest of suguru’s family except for larue and miguel died in shibuya.

[rtgame]

just thought about the ocean for slightly too long. am about to throw up

[necroticneurosis]

i painted his face again. hes the most beauitful not-quite-a-man ive ever seen in my life. i love her more than anything in this world, in the last, or the next. id burn everything for her id follow her to the ends of the earth and id do it all again just to be with her to see her to touch her. i dont know which is better. getting to look at and touch her every day of my life until i die because were so intertwined now or being able to see her outside of myself and touch her and look at her and take candids and f-

[oatmilkandvellichor]

i got so excited about a dishwasher that i forgot my parents don’t keep kosher 🙃

[borderline-culture-is]

bpd culture is oh god oh fuck why am i splitting stop splitting please shut the fuck up why do you ruin everything please i just want to love them not leave them you fucking idiot you buffoon i dont want to hate them i dont want to split STOP SPLTITING FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

.

[mrkis]

This is a Mark for you (the rest is up in my drive, I can't find it)

FUCK???? FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK LOOK AT HIM (dont look at him) LOOK AT HIM!!! can't believe you breathed the same air as him... magical

[tomatoluvr69]

Sorry you’re experiencing sad events:(

Ah thank you, it is quite alright…I am good at grief, it’s familiar to me…the rest of this got slightly lengthy so I’m putting it beneath a cut because obviously I have no idea who reading this might not care to be reminded of loss.

I’m not lucky of course to have gone through a significant loss during adolescence…but I am very lucky that I took from that experience the epiphany that to begin to heal, you must feel it fully and let it ravage you as much as physically possible…while maintaining as much of a standard of care for yourself as possible. Maybe not “you” so much as me— that’s what I’ve found helps me. I think a lot about Victorian mourning customs, or the practice of sitting shivah, etc. (I know there are more worldwide, these are just the ones I’m most familiar with due to cultural proximity); and how much a period of battening down the hatches and hunkering down and giving yourself up as a tide of feelings beyond your control comes in to wash over you can/should be engrained within both the structures of society and within the way we think about our own emotional trajectories surrounding loss. I live with someone in death care, at an eco-burial cemetery, and something that has resonated with me from him & from other friends who have worked there is that the difference in closure journeys between people who go through a traditional American funerary process (i.e. taboo, compartmentalized, jarring…I have a lot of thoughts about funerals in this culture and the way they injure the living but that’s a long ol thang and I don’t have it in me right now) versus the families and close ones of the decedents at the green sanctuary who are getting fucking down and dirty with the process— they are digging the grave with him, they are picking out the headstones, they are watching their loved ones lowered manually in nothing but a shroud (and sometimes some garments inside it), they are picking up a shovel and placing the earth back on top, they are creating wreaths out of pine boughs and wildflowers six foot in diameter above the mound…these are the ones who come back to the sanctuary months later and speak about how being involved with their grief allowed…something to occur. All of this is secondhand for me, my friends **** and *** could say this so much better but I’m not going to tell them about tumblr lmfao.

This has gotten away from me. Point is that I have accepted long ago the need for grief, (and the concept of grief as the natural continuation of love) and I can look it square in the eye and face it head on. Does it still fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucking suck?? Yes. Is it easier for me if I transition intentionally into a languid state like a brumating lizard…also yes…which is where I’m at right now.

So I am doing alright (all things considered that is) & just must force myself at gunpoint to give myself extreme grace and allow for levels of rest and behaviors that I would not ordinarily indulge in routinely…I’m coming out of the worst of the shock & able to go about some of my normal activities. And also in this particular case I’d known it was coming for a long time, it just happened months earlier than expected, which is a whole nother feeling as well… Mostly I’m just listening to a lot of familiar and beloved comfort music, meal prepping big batches of things when I’ve got some energy so I can just eat from them when I’m feeling really rough, and pouring myself into garden prep which was the most beautiful and profound balm for me when I experienced the last death of a loved one in spring of 2020. This won’t be as difficult, I won’t get into specifics…but I anticipate a lot of garden time as like…stopgap therapy again. Anyways this sort of turned into a diary entry and I’ve done enough oversharing on my blog for the day…thanks for the kind wishes. I will be okay, but part and parcel with that for me is accepting that I won’t be okay for a while and just changing my expectations and standards for myself and my lifestyle into realistic ones, and also just straight up letting myself lie down feeling bad with generous frequency so it can have time to build and then dissipate naturally like it must if i would like to ever move on. If I feel it, then I can process it. It’s in trying to ignore it and shove it aside without confronting the truth of loss and change that the grief gets stuck and begins to morph and malinger into deep spiraling harm, in my incredibly limited (I’m super young and never lost a parent/sibling/partner/child) experience

[m0n0-t0n3]

FUCK BRONYA FUCK OFF I DONT WANT YOU GIVE ME HOT DRAGON GUY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

[melissa-titanium]

bestie bestie i am . i am now in act 3 of homestuck and im obsessed with jade the SILLY shes so SILLY shes just like me fr. why my fave pair of glasses gotta be round. why do i always love the green nerds!

I FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKING KNEW IT I FUCKING KNEW IT IKNEW YOU WERE GONNA BE A JADE ENJOYER THAT IS ALSO!!!!! WHAT I THOUGHT WHEN I FIRST GOT INTO HS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! funnily enough one of my like. first? not actually first we Dont TalkAbout My First Exposure To Homestuck but like RIGHTBEFORE I GOT INTO IT. was a rlly popular phibby twt artist (dia)) who is a hs enjoyer as WELL as a jade enjoyer BC I CANT EVEN LIE JADE AND MARFY ARE LIKE LITERALLY THE SAME BUT IN DIFFERENT FONTS i think theyd be friends i cant lie. i havent thought about marcy in 8 years its been So Long RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH@@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dirtreally]

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yoyos are so awesome i love you yoyos

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

This is for Agni and Estinien. What was house life like when Agni gave birth to her second set of twins

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!" Agnes screamed, pushing with every onze of strength that she had. "ESTINIEN! WHY DO YOU MAKE BIG BAAAAAAAAAAAAABIES?!"

Her husband chuckled and kissed her head. "We're both big people, Agi. Tis not too much of a leap to--"

"STINIEN!"

Right. Shutting up. I don't think she wants me talking about that.

"Just a bit more, Agi. Just a bit more." Padma said. "I can see the head..."

Agnes took a deep breath, squeezed Estinien's hand, and screamed. "WHY DID WE HAVE TWO SETS OF TWINS?!?!?!?!?"

Because I'm that good? You're that good? We're that good? I mean, that's four babies for two pregnancies---a deal!

Padma smiled and held the squirming infant. "Tis a boy! With a good set of lungs like his sister and brothers!" She handed the crying infant to her assistant and looked back at Agnes. "Agi, how are you feeling?"

She rolled her eyes. "Like I fucking pushed out a baby, and there's still another one in here."

Estinien swallowed thickly. "Just a little while more, my love." He brought her hand to his lips and stared into her chocolate brown eyes. "Only a--"

"ONLY ONE MORE BABY! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

Several minutes later, Laurent Varlineau was born, crying even more than his twin.

Several more minutes later, Agnes and Estinien were left alone with their newborns, laying in bed. Agnes, holding Laurent, cooed at the baby. "He's so beautiful, love. Look at his little face!"

"Aye, both beautiful. All thanks to you." A lopsided smile appeared on his face. "Truly, thank you for them."

A few fell from her eyes. "You never need to thank me, 'Stinien. Never. I love you." She leaned her head to rest on his shoulder. "I love you."

"As I ever and always love you." He felt tears in his own eyes. Always. My wife. My Agi. My everything.

[grippingbeskar]

THE NEW JOEL PIECE.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS

I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT AND YOUR TALENT.

😭😭THANK U SO MUCH IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT 💞

[pineapplesunkist]

*turns you into stone*

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

[johannepetereric]

Because I’m a lazy ADHD fuck, when I told Mom I’d like to look into neuroscience courses (or ones that at least include neurology), she asked me if I’d be willing to Study (TM) for it. You know, cuz it’s high intensity, and med students sometimes get Special Treatment of some sort—oh my gosh Mommy says it falls under STEM so FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! I’d got my work cut out fir me to be able study myself!