#FUNNY IRISH MAN HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET HERE

[svtskneecaps]

BROTHER WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN RTGAME WAS IN A FUCKING MCC WITH TECHNOBLADE I THOUGHT HE WAS A FUNNY HAHA VARIETY STREAMER WHO DID MINECRAFT COMMUNITY BUILD STREAMS I WAS ALREADY BLOWN TO SMITHEREENS SEEING HIS ASS IN AN MCC WITH FUCKING JAMES MARIOTT AND JACK MANIFOLD SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A PERSONA 5 VOD NOW YOU'RE TELLING ME HIS ASS PLAYED THE FUCKING THIRD EVER MCC ON THE SAME TEAM AS FUCKING TECHNOBLADE WHAT DO YOU MEAN HOW IS HE EVERYWHERE I DON'T UNDERSTAND

[bucketspammer4life]

what i think your favorite PO boxer says about you

based on my biases and a year of experience (if you get mad over how i talked about your fave im going to turn you into a can of spam)

first time ive ever maxed out the tags

if i missed your fav tell me ‼️

doc louis - you have good taste and are starving for content about him, you really are a survivor

little mac - you either project onto him or just like calling him your son

glass joe - you have a thing for pathetic men (understandable tbh) and like calling him a wet cat since he fits that desc well

von kaiser - same thing as joe but add a hint of "oh no hes hot"

disco kid - you literally have no enemies i love you so much its not even funny (platonic)

king hippo - my god you are good at making up lore, how the fuck do you make a solid personality for a character that only roars and grunts

piston hondo - im 100% youre a saint, no hondo fan i met has ever been unpleasant to talk with

bear hugger - you either see him as a father figure or just think hes hot or (secret third option) you like making jokes about him being a disney princess, either way youre cool

great tiger - oh you have been here for a long time, literally every great tiger fan i know has been in the fandom since 7.000 BC or something, also youre prob really good at art

don flamenco - you use the word "cunty" on a daily basis or just like making fun of his stupid bald head, also yes he has eyeliner on 100%

aran ryan - you'd overthrow a goverment for this greasy rat, youre extremely extremely gay and/or neurodivergent and thats very good for you, you also like making him say lad and have had to go ankle deep in irish slang when making him speak in fanfics

soda popinski - ive never seen someone have soda as their fav, hes always 2nd place somehow so im just gonna go take a shot in the dark and say you like the color pink (mental gymnastics who??)

bald bull - you are a mixed bag, i gen cant put a finger on what kind of personality bull stans have but i can say you either find him hot or like making fun of him, maybe both

super macho man - least serious people ever with some traumatizing lore for the boxers & their own ocs, you prob make him say bogus 88268292 times in a sentence and i can respect that

mr sandman - ive only seen 2 (two ) ppl who have him as their fav and its kinda sad, youre starving for content of him and i wish you the best

birdie mac - hes your son (im not elaborating)

gabby jay - same thing as joe but you went over the top with liking dilfs

narcis prince - gay. gay gay homosexual gay. you went for the self obsessed blonde twink and you thought it wasnt obvious?? you fucking homosexual

heike kagero - youre 1000% queer, sorry to be a broken record about the gay thing but ur fav is literally a man with long hair & makeup that has to be some flavor of queer

hoy quarlow - you are/were another ancient punch out fan, you def shitpost a lot

bruiser bros - where are you??? ive gen never met a bruiser bros fan and its concerning like dude where did u go

texas mac - im sorry but you dont exist, ive never ever seen a texas mac fan, not even someone who mentions him

mad clown - you foul clownfucker. you have weird taste in characters you find hot and tbh im all here for it

masked muscle - same thing as texas mac but theres a slight chance you exist, if you do please show yourself

dragon chan - another punch out ancient fan, you probably were most active in 2013-2019 and kinda miss old shitposts and have either moved on or dont participate much anymore

spo aran - (this is mostly for Charlie but i have hope that theres some other spo aran fans out there) youre probably looking for other spo aran fans, goodpeed soldier, goodpeed

mask x - you arent getting away with this fuck you

[rustfoxes]

Disjointed DAtVG feelings/opinions

I've played the game for a bit, I'm not too far in yet, and honestly? I hope it gets better. Spoilers & venting below as you might guess.

Everything seems to be tell, don't show. There's very, VERY little trust in the player. Characters happen upon a ruined village? "The village is ruined! There's no one here!" Yes, we can see that. Character looks upset? Text pops up on screen to tell you that IN FACT!! Character is upset. Couldn't have guessed.

Everything is explained out loud immediately, except the arguably actually important things. If I remember correctly, there's no mention of the 10 year (?) timeskip from DAI, everyone just now knows everything about elven magic and the Fade and the Veil EXCEPT FOR THE PLAYER. None of that is explained! New players are expected to just know, which in some games works, but when you throw characters into a magical forest and say it's Arlathan forest, how tf are they supposed to know what Arlathan is.

Why is Varric a brunette all of a sudden

Characterisation of returning characters is fucking wild. Fun, jokey Harding? Massive chip on her shoulder and real aggressive for some reason. Soft-spoken and measured Solas? Yelling, again, for some damn reason. Where is his iambic pentameter? And he hates blood magic all of a sudden?? Did the writers play the earlier games at all? Solas SPECIFICALLY says in DAI that blood magic has no morality to it and is merely a tool.

The game is linear to the extent that I cannot for the life of me see the point of the game asking you to wrap up unfinished business before moving forward. What unfinished business? You've locked us into a small room with 0 exits and 1 chest. There is no business.

So far there's been zero time for any of the story to breathe. There are no story beats, because the drum machine that is the pacing just keeps hammering on. The gravity of the situation has no time to set in for anyone. THE ACTUAL GODS OF MYTH HAVE BEEN BUST OUT OF GOD-JAIL. THIS IS A HUGE FUCKING PROBLEM. "Yeah, well, people would've died if Solas hadn't been stopped from tearing down the Veil." And this is preferable???? What the actual fuck. DAI Solas wanted to rebuild and to safe-guard his people. TWO of the people he wanted to PROTECT EVERYONE FROM are now out. But oh man, that Solas, he would've hurt folks. You think the wondertwins won't? Jesus fucking Christ.

The gameplay more or less just completely scraps character classes. Playing a mage rn and for some damn reason she has separate ranged attacks. What the actual fuck. What is the point of making people choose a class if a damn mage has to stand next to enemies to attack?

So far doesn't feel like an RPG at all. Starts in media res which is fine, but your character is already established as a cool hero and an important figure. Why? Why weren't we along for that ride?

Character movement is janky af, DAI was much smoother 10 damn years ago. Hopefully they'll somehow manage to fix it.

Either they needed better actors or a much better voice director, because holy shit is the dialogue awkward and halting and just... no.

Writers have clearly had shoes far too large to fill. Dialogue wants to be funny and witty and clever. It is not. Specially not with the phoned in voice acting.

Where have my Welsh/Irish elves gone? Wtf happened there? Also why wasn't there anyone around to tell the actors how to pronounce the elvhen words??

Why the fuck is the rogue our healer.

All quests so far have been walking from A to B, collecting some coins along the path, and then fighting 5 or 10 enemies. No variation at all.

Idk man, I really hope the game will find its legs as it goes on, but so far? Massively underwhelming and honestly quite disappointing. Absolutely does not feel like DA. People critisised DA2 for being rushed and DAI for a whole host of shit, but at least I felt like I was playing a Dragon Age game.

[nyx-thedragon]

Newsies Novel Notes/Thoughts

hi hello howdy-do. I have finished reading the Newsies Novel PDF that I downloaded and I am here to share my notes/thoughts that I wrote down while reading. Once again, these are in order of when I thought of them

1- so Sarah is 16 and Davey is 15 canonically in the novel

2- Jack is Irish

3- the Jacobs family is Jewish (I think - I mean, why else would Davey mention the Irish boys and Jewish boys always fighting in his neighborhood if his family wasn't Jewish), that's cool!

4- Snyder's name is Nigel?? (throwing up ngl that does not fit him)

5- love that Kloppman is like a grandfather figure to the boys it's so sweet (Kloppman deserves the 'Best Adult in the Newsies Story' Award, right next to Denton)

6- Spot is ginger (scratching my head bc I never imagined him as ginger ever)

7- Davey is said to actually fight and hold his own when the mercenaries from the World show up (I like this better than him not being shown to fight in the movie - Davey can fight if he needs to, let the boy fight!!)

8- call me a hater, but once again the romance between Jack and Sarah is unneeded and feels kinda forced. the, what, second scene we see with them she's already kissing him? idk man it just feels forced and rushed, y'know?

9- okay I've never mentioned this before, but why was Sarah at the newsies rally??

10- Davey jumping on Snyder's back to distract him from grabbing Jack oh novel Davey I love you (why did they take away most of his fighting stuff in the movie??)

11- Les kicking a cop!!

12- Denton getting clubbed to protect Kid Blink (love you Denton)

13- a bunch of police falling through the trapdoor on the stage I wish that was in the movie

14- Jack using the fire curtain to get away from the police. very smart, shoutout to Race and Boots for that

15- Davey feeling guilty for not being arrested with the other newsies but also relieved that he wasn't ooh yeah I understand

16- objecting on the ground of "Brooklyn, yer honor" Spot Conlon the newsie that you are (that line is just so funny and iconic I love it so much I love that it's in the book and the movie)

17- the other newsies hearing Snyder's whole speech about Jack and his life instead of just Davey oooh why wasn't that in the movie what that would've been so interesting to see

18- "It's not fair" I love how Davey is vocal about his opinion instead of just looking at Jack with disappointment like in the movie

19- Les is not taken with to the Refuge to try to break Jack out. very smart, makes sense. so why was he taken with in the movie??

20- Davey watching the conversation between Jack and Pulitzer through the window

21- hate hate hate how Davey is spelled "Davy" in the book. it looks ugly without the "e"

22- "[Davey] felt as though someone he loved had died" in response to finding out Jack sold out to Pulitzer HELLO??? (my homo-alarm is going CRAZY)

23- WHO THE FUCK TORE UP JACK'S PICTURE OF HIS PARENTS!? I KNOW YOU'RE MAD BUT THAT'S TOO FAR, GUYS!! (also I forgot to note this down but I love that Jack has a picture of/with his parents it's so fucking cute. wanna explode whoever it is that tore it up though cuz what the fuck)

24- "You touch Davy and I'll..." oh? getting protective I see... (homo alert! homo alert!)

25- okay so Davey doesn't get beaten up by the Delanceys and instead Jack and the Jacobs siblings beat the two of them up with no issue. hmmm (why wasn't that in the movie? why did they have Sarah be a helpless girl who punched Oscar(?) once and then laid on the ground yelling? why was Davey not shown to fight well enough to not get beaten up by the Delanceys in the movie?? novel Davey and your fighting ability, I will avenge you)

26- Mayer giving Jack some of his old clothes and some food and telling him he'll always have a home with them oh don't make me cry that is so sweet

27- we lost that sweet scene with Mayer and Jack in the movie I can't believe this that would've been such a good scene! could've gotten rid of the rooftop scene with Sarah if there was worry about the runtime being too long, it would've been a much better scene imo (grgrgrggrrgr Mayer Jacobs and Jack Kelly father-son relationship I will avenge you!!) (this is also partially because I am still a hater of the Sarah/Jack relationship/romance because it was so not needed imo)

28- "I wanted to go to Santa Fe, but my real family was right here all along" (YES! GREAT WAY TO END THE STORY! oh my goodness the movie added the Sarah/Jack kiss instead of having this line??? bro I need to have a conversation with the scriptwriters or whoever it was that approved these changes oh my GOD) (i'm assuming the novel came before the movie when I say this)

There was at least one other thing that I didn't end up actually writing down but mentioned when I was annotating the PDF last night but then the annotations disappeared?? for some reason?? when I went to finish reading this morning so I don't know what it was. maybe I'll remember it later? probably not tbh :(

and something that I typed up while watching the movie last night before starting to read the PDF (it is, once again, about the romance subplot. please forgive me for being such a huge and vocal hater about it, it just pisses me off soooo much for some reason):

"dude genuinely the romance subplot was not needed. and the scene with Jack and Sarah on the roof could've been replaced with a scene of like, the newsies talking about the strike and maybe some of them bringing up concerns or something. or even Davey interacting with the newsies and getting to know them. or show how he's dealing with being the co-leader of a whole strike at fifteen years old. something like that.

sorry not sorry but I am very very adamant that not every fucking story needs a romance subplot. especially not this one. I would say if they absolutely had to have a romance subplot, have it be between Jack and Davey, but this movie was made in 1992 and that probably wouldn't have gone over super well, let's be honest."

okay, that's all for now. I might try writing a little newsies fic / one-shot at some point soon-ish? maybe. it will probably be Javey with a bit of background Sprace and Jack / Spot friendship if I ever do get around to it.

uhh have a good day everyone! stay cool :3

[wolfavens]

ghost car of barna road

track 3 - liberty belle 1/2

my manager greeted me in irish.

i blinked at the screen in mute panic. i couldn’t remember how to reply. words and languages collided in my brain. it was a car crash, baby, and in the end all that came out of my mouth was a prolonged aaah with no end in sight. a perfect visual representation would be a multilanguage tsunami, pouring out of my ears and pooling around my slippers on the dusty rug of my childhood bedroom.

i used to write those words down into a black notebook, watching you mock me from that dusty rug. you and your smug gaeltacht born grin. who would��ve thought i will forget them all by the time i’m 30.

“how did the move go?”

move. to galway. my hometown. i found my voice again and rushed out: “oh yeah! the move went okay. got here late last night. drive was smooth. not many cars around after midnight.”

“hehe, don’t get used to it. it’s a totally different story after 8am.”

we chatted for a while, arranging to meet in dublin next month when i was all settled in. won’t take long. all i needed was to get a flat, a car - did i need help with the flat? there are probably relocation programmes for employees available. no. i think i got it. did i tho?

we finished the call twenty minutes later. the fact i managed to scrape by enough words to at least tell him goodbye in irish seemed to cheer him up a bit.

i finished up some minor work tasks, sipping at the remainder of my mother’s disgusting herbal tea and took a short break to open the dusty unused storage areas of my childhood bedroom. i needed to clean up the old junk before moving in the new junk. i had to give one thing to my mother; she did an excellent job of preserving this place. if ever i managed to do something worthwhile with my life she could start charging fucking entry for this museum of fiadh kavanagh.

shaking my head i started pulling out old clothes and creating a pile on the floor. if she believed i still fit into these jeans i should be worried about early onset neurodegenerative diseases.

i was done with the columns and moving on to the hangers by the time she stuck her head in and quirked her dark eyebrows at me. “need any help?”

“mom, why the fuck did you keep all this?” i asked, showcasing fist-full of short gothic dresses. “aren’t you worried about clothes moths?”

ignoring my point she sat down on the bed, smiling. “oh, i though you might still like to keep some of it. it’s not like we need extra storage.”

“mom, look at me!” i threw another armful onto the pile, lifting my arms to indicate my age ravaged body. “how could i possibly fit into size four?! some of these are from the children’s section!”

“you look like a string, you could easily fit. it’s the cigarettes. they are not good for ya.”

i rolled my eyes. “i’m not even fucki…”

the feel of a familiar soft fabric beneath my fingertips made me stop midsentence. i pulled it out into the light with shaking fingers, heart racing against my ribcage. it looked huge in my palms. the faded graphics were barely visible in the shadowy light of my room. if you tried hard enough you could just barely make out the name of the band. distantly i heard my mom echo my name but i was stuck in the past, standing in the cold autumn rain by the open driver’s side window of your car.

“ooooh, i remember this one,” my mother said with a nostalgic smile.

i made a small sound at the back of my throat.

“it’s the donovan boy’s, isn’t it? i remember teasing him about it. i told him: young man, this is not a free laundry i run here! you know what he said to me?”

i nodded, whispering, “it’s not my fault yer daughter is a stinkin’ thief.”

she laughed. “little bastard. he was the worst influence on you. funny how he turned out. would never expect a son of deirdre donovan to make something of himself. i guess we owe it all to the wife. she…”

my body snapped back to action. i was moving away before she could say her name. putting the sweater on the bed next to her, i brushed my hands against my sweatpants and mumbled: “right, look we need to get rid of all this before i can unpack. do you know someone with skinny teenage children? ideally with a questionable fashion sense?”

“we can drive to the clothes recycling point.”

“grand! let’s do that after work.” i told her, kicking my way through the discarted clothes toward the closet and dumping whatever was left on top of the rest. “i need to get back to work now. i have a meeting in 20.”

“oh, ok. sorry.” she chuckled, standing up. “i will bring some bags to put all of this in.” she reached for the sweater on her way out and i jumped in to block her path on impulse.

“uh… where are you taking that?”

she blinked up at me, brown eyes surprised. “downstairs. i figured i could return it to the rightful owner rather than donate it to charity. although,” she giggled, pulling it apart for scale, “i doubt it will still fit him.”

she was gone before i could open my mouth, taking the sweater with her. my clenched fists unclenched with effort as i pushed the door closed and leaned my back against it. i was breathing too hard. the way you handed me that sweater through the driver’s side window on that rainy, a blast from the past; a ghostly memory. just enough to make me shudder.

[violetpurpleviolet]

Supernatural , Season 6, Episode 9

Clap Your Hands If You Believe

How old are Sam and Dean now?

I'm gonna look it up. Okay, Reddit says, 32 and 28.( Why are they so old?)

WHAT THE INTRO? X-FILES? "The truth is in there"

"What, flying saucers not insane enough for you?"

"If you want to add glitter to that glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your wackadoo all over us."

HAHAHAHA Soulless Sam.

Oh my god this episode is so unhinged and funny.

Ah, the newspaper name they claim to be working for "The Mirror" Reminds me of Once Upon A Time, again, Sydney's newspaper is called The Mirror right? Also, the Pinocchio reference immediately after they talk to a man in a workshop who says his son is missing.

"I think the fourth kind is a butt thing." Sammy! Also, whenever I say Sammy I can hear him telling me not to call him that. :( He'd prolly hate it.

"I've had time to adjust" "Did it happen when you were kids?" "No, like half an hour ago"

I think if i decide to quote all the stuff sam says here, I'd be typing the entire episode.

AHAHAHA, I find it funny every time I see Sam's jeans, he's already so tall, how does he get jeans that are bigger than him? The boot cut-ish jeans, I don't know what they're called, sue me.

Okay, I'm not taking feet pics, I just wanted to show his jeans. Also, Dean just got abused by aliens? or was about to?????? What?

'So you're saying having a soul means suffering?" "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying."

Is that a fairy? fayre? What? Why's he look at it and say nipple?

Okay, so the fairy was naked. Hahahaha this is hilarious.

Does SPN have AUs? Like..Marvel? (Don't answer if its spoilers)

I mean, even I know fairies hate iron. How did Sam and Dean not figure that out?

I got a haircut on Sunday, and I just realised my haircut matches Sam's. Am I horrified or honoured? I don't know.

Buddy, you have got to be fucking kidding me, what in the Once Upon A Time cross-over is this? I don't know. What? I hope Dean is just going crazy, I don't want to accept that fairies exist in the spn world.

"I mean, hell, I didn't know better, I'd say you have a bunch of elves working for you." "Except, I do know better, you have a bunch of elves working for you." Why is the line so unhinged. I love it! Go soulless, Sammy! We support Winchester's rights but also Winchester's wrongs (soullessness).

Leprechaun? Or was he Scottish? Wait, leprechauns are Irish. I just wanted to link this to Crowley too badly. I'm sorry, my bad.

They only take firstborns? AHAA I'm safe! @thedeadliestdeathtoeverdie beware!

Ah no, Dean attacked a short person? "FIGHT THE FAIRES, YOU FIGHT THOSE FAIRIES" "FIGHT THE FARIES"

Cream hits them like tequila. Okay. Cool.

LEPRECHAUNS AND FAIRIES ARE REAL IN THE SPN WORLD????

hahahahahahah blue fairy, real boy again. I love this epiosde , but i also hate it.

I thought he was going to make a fucked up deal with a leprechaun next, that god, that didn't happen. Demon deals all over again.

They have to count grains of salt, damm goofy, also, wouldn't Sam have thought to have that way sooner? Why did he let the fight happen in the first place? Or did he not believe in it? But then salt works for most creatures, he should have tried it earlier on, at least.

"When's a deals ever been a good deal?"

Literally what I thought!

He's having second thoughts about getting his soul back isn't he?

"You're not having second thoughts are you?

"No"

Why is every damn episode ending with one brother lying to the other.

[idridian]

for the reverse unpopular opinion thing: here's a blank check to talk about douglas rain 😘

thank you kindly for activating my trap card, here's a NON-EXHAUSTIVE list (in no particular order and pulled entirely from memory) of delightful facts about douglas rain:

cared so incredibly much about the canadian theatre scene and tried to improve it wherever he could, be that by performing or by teaching younger actors. he had many opinions about how to get people interested in theatre

rehearsals were apparently his favourite part of acting and he was highkey intense about it for understandable reasons, which does NOT detract from the ???? factor of finding out that he straight up built a partial replica of the stratford festival theatre stage in his fuckin attic at home so he could practice his lines and blocking there. like what the fuck douglas, can you chill

the only thing funnier than this is the line immediately preceding this nugget of info in his stratford festival archives entry, where one of the artistic directors of the shaw festival is like "douglas rain had the uncanny ability to be word-perfect by week two of rehearsals" like yeah bitch, i wonder why. he went home from rehearsals and went to his attic to continue rehearsing there lol

during the very first season of stratford, he understudied alec guinness as the title role in richard iii, and one time the director 'Big Man' guthrie challenged him to imitate mr guinness' performance as closely as he could, which resulted in guinness grabbing a two-by-four and chasing douglas around the stage with it???? douglas was not entirely sure if it was because he did it really well or really badly

apparently kept a vegetable garden. this has nothing to do with anything; i just think it's cute that he had hobbies

spoke in a particular (now basically extinct, from what i understand) version of canadian english called canadian dainty, which veers slightly towards british pronunciation. combined with his very precise diction, this makes him say some words kinda funny, which i find very endearing/entertaining

he was apparently also really good at doing other accents. the only physical evidence i have of this is his performance in william lyon mackenzie: a friend to his country, where he does a scottish accent (and again, i am delighted), but i've read in Extremely Old Newspapers that he could do like,,, a perfect irish accent as a child??

i tracked down his yearbook entry from when he graduated in 1950 (in my defence, the manitoba university has an archive of decades worth of yearbooks freely available as pdfs on their website; what else are they for if not this) and the last sentence of his entry says "future is undecided, but indications are good" which is incredibly funny. they really said 'yeah idk what his deal is exactly, but he seems to be having fun'. and they were RIGHT

my honest impression of him is that he would never intentionally cause chaos because that would be impolite, but if you dropped him into a chaotic situation he would take a look around and then immediately refuse to leave, which imo is even more hysterical

"all the best sweetie"

while i categorically enjoy everything he's involved in by pure virtue of him being there, i harbour a particular fondness for roles where he plays just,,,, an absolute DUMBASS. like i cannot express in words the joy i felt when listening to tartuffe (1968) and hearing him make indignant grumbling noises as he crawled under a table while martha henry, his irl wife playing his wife in the play, made fun of him. 11/10 it means everything to me

i find him very handsome also. again, nothing to do with anything, i just like to look at him y'know

anyway i have to stop now because if left to my own devices, this post would just keep going forever, but you get the point. i adore him <3

[aviculor]

Oddity is another new release from this year. IFC Films immediately looks familiar, didn't I just see them on Stopmotion too? Well shit, do I recognize anything else in their Wikipedia article? Birth/Rebirth, In A Violent Nature, When Evil Lurks, Late Night With the Devil, Skinamarink, Pontypool, Relic, Hatching, Antichrist, The House That Jack Built, all three Human Centipede movies...dude, are you kidding me right now? Even if these credits are for distribution and not production, they have their fingers in an impressive selection of pies.

Uhh, anyway, Oddity. An Irish film where a medium is trying to uncover the truth of her sister's murder by holding a seance in the house where it happened. Just came out on Shudder today, but I did spy it online last month at the same time as Longlegs.

You can tell this was directed by a man because there's no way in hell any woman would have actually opened the door for a crazed man in the middle of the night.

Not even a solid year since his wife's death, huh? I have to admit, that does make him look a little suspicious. The man who was arrested and sentenced for the murder was his former patient. His new lover has to tell him it would be weird to not want to hang onto mementos. He forgot the anniversary. He was going in for handshake with his sister-in-law.

Darcy might be imposing herself on Ted and Yana, but I really think I'm on her side here.

Oh, I guess I have to rescind that first thought after the read more. She did not, in fact, open that door. I mean, it was obvious Olin was framed or else this wouldn't be much of a movie. But the scenario that allegedly happend is ludicrous. Almost like the type of narrative a guy who thinks he's smarter than he actually is would fabricate in order to have his wife murdered so he could get with a young blonde pharmaceutical rep.

What, uhh, what exactly was Darcy's plan, though? And why did she not expect Ted would do something after she confronted him? The only reason he didn't kill her right then and there was because he's a dirty coward who never gets his own hands dirty.

Ted was such a complete fucking bastard. He deserved far worse than an implied death after the credits started rolling. Brick joke was funny, but the makeup effect on the ghost bellboy was unimpressive and the scene building up to it definitely went on for too long.

I called the twist as soon as Ted mentioned his new girlfriend, so I can't help but feel like the plot could have gone a few more places. I will say it was an interesting role reversal that the villain was a staunch nonbeliever while the hero was an occultist who practiced black magic. I feel like they could have gotten a lot more mileage out of the fact that Dani was haunting the house. Presumably, Darcy was too by the ending. Unless maybe she was haunting her antique store and that's how she mailed the bell to Ted. But again, Dani's ghost was just there to scare Yana away which was criminally underutilizing her. The payoff at the end could have been a lot more satisfying.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Chortle headlines roundup, anyone?

Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope. We're not doing this. Jeremy Hardy went in his late 50s, Paul Sinha's health is deteriorating, if we lose Mark Steel before his time then they'll have to just cancel Radio 4. Not doing that. Fuck that shit. He's only 63, that's younger than my parents. Absolutely not.

...The article does say the condition is treatable and he'll likely be okay after a while, so that's good. It also has some on-brand quotes from him that muse on mortality. Good man. We are not losing that one yet.

(Obviously... not to make a serious issue all about me and other lovers of Radio 4 or anything... I wish a speedy recovery and the best for him and his family and all that.)

I wasn't sure I was going to watch season 3 of this - not that seasons 1 or 2 were bad, but season 2 didn't keep my attention all that well (except when Joe Wilkinson and Jessica Hynes were on), I figured I get the idea and don't really need to see a lot more. But actually, that's quite a good lineup. Roisin Conaty is always funny. Add in Alan Davies, Guz Khan, and Chris McCausland - and yeah, I'll probably give Knockoff Taskmaster a watch again.

You know, I wondered about then when I watched the French and Saunders show. The constant fat jokes about Dawn French seemed okay because she was one of the writers, she was choosing to say it about herself, that makes it okay the same way it is when Jo Brand does it. But still, there really were a lot of them. And obviously comedians are pressured to make any feature about themselves into a USP, so just because she agreed to do the jokes doesn't mean she always wanted to. That show was funny, it's a pity to see this.

(Obligatory note that the headline, like most headlines, is a bit sensationalized, these Chortle headline round-ups are meant to be partly a joke about how the headlines don't really tell you anything and just throw a bunch of disparate facts in your face all at once, and you should really read the articles if you want to know stuff. But the information in the headline is basically accurate.)

The Aussies are coming! The Aussies are coming! With their excessive Rs after vowels and their mildly racist names for coolers!

(I briefly misread the Sam Campbell article's description as calling him a "Taskmaster winner", and had a split second of believing Chortle had somehow made a colossal blunder and accidentally posted a huge spoiler that made me very pleased.)

If they make that, I'll probably watch it. I might watch some of the Irish one because Aisling Bea and Catherine Bohart, even though the worst fucking person in the world is also on it.

I did watch the first two episodes of the Canadian one. Have I admitted that on here yet? It wasn't my finest hour - and it was just one hour, two episodes - when I watched reality TV on Amazon Prime. But Mae Martin was in it. Mae Martin was in it looking focused and intense as they tried not to laugh and for personal reasons I just had to see that. Then (spoiler alert, I guess) they were out after two episodes, so I didn't watch any further.

I have to admit I rather enjoyed it, though. The rest of the cast was also funny. It had Jon Lajoie, guy who made a bunch of funny videos when I was in high school that my friends and I used to quote all the time, then didn't make anything for like 12 years, then came back in 2020 with this absolute earworm that hit the perfect note of what we needed in early pandemic days:

Anyway, he was on the Canadian LOL show, and he was pretty entertaining. Also Colin Mochrie from Who's Line, which I used to watch as a kid. Tom Green, quite a good stand-up comedian who went to my high school (not at the same time or anything, he's much older than me, he's just the only famous person who ever went to my high school). K Trevor Wilson, aka Squirrly Dan from Letterkenny. Andrew Phung from Kim's Convenience. It was fun seeing the mishmash of Canadian comedy people from all these different things in one room. I guess would be less of a novelty in the UK, since we don't have panel shows here.

And I've got to admit, when I forced the judgmental "there is no logical reason why this is a higher form of entertainment than any other shit reality TV" part of my brain to turn off, I found the format pretty funny. I'd watch Irish people do that. I'd watch British people do it. I mean, I didn't love it enough to finish the show after Mae was gone. But I might go back to it at some point.

Still doing that, are we? Going with the cheeky term "peeing Tom" for men who spy on naked women without their consent? I don't object to Hugh Dennis playing the role obviously, they're not going to portray that as a guy we're supposed to like. Just not sure I love Chortle's word choice.

That's good. Put your minds at ease, people who are worried that Jim Davidson isn't mentoring aspiring comedians. Everything's okay.

I was about to say "Steve, what the fuck would you consider a 5-star show then?", but then I remembered that to be fair to Steve Bennett, the quality of this show does vary wildly depending what night you see it and who's in the audience. Don't turn up to this and derail it with heckles, everyone, even though you're allowed. The show in its proper form is brilliant.

I tried to ignore this one, I really did. But I'm sorry, that's too funny a headline not to include here. Sorry, Johnny. Bad luck.

[coralinehecc]

Corals Monthly Update #3

HOHOHO!! FIRST BLOG POST OF 2023 AND I’M NEARLY 2 WEEKS LATE!!! Super sorry about the long wait! I’ve had tests recently and only got off of school like a few days ago haha! So! Welcome back to my monthly update on what I get up to in my life! Now, before we get into January, I, for the final time, have to tap back into the previous month. Curse past me for thinking the 21st was a good day to start doing these!!! ANYHOW! The rest of December and early January were a BLAST! But lemmie talk about what happened after I made the last update. CHRISTMAS!! I had a great time with my family and I got a bunch of fluffy things cuz that’s apparently the easiest thing to get me now. We also had dinner on Christmas day with my Grandparents like every year. Over-all that day was very fun! I even got drunk playing Minecraft which was funny for everyone in VC. The next few days weren’t anything exciting, however my brother Finn had a bunch of his friends over for his birthday which was chaotic. But the excitement picks back up on the 28th! BECAUSE SKYE AND VI CAME OVER FOR NEW YEARS!! We’ve been planning this since like, June, so it was awesome seeing them again! We did all kinds of stuff from shopping to playing some awesome games! (I am now chronically addicted to Ultra Kill thanks guys)

We even did some baking! Here is our glorious creation I dubbed, “The Jimothy”. 

Overall the rest of December was awesome! I’m glad I got to celebrate New Years with my besties! Overall, I’ll give it a 10/10! Best way to end 2022 >:D Here’s a few more misc photos hehehhehe

NOW! FOR JANUARY!! January started off still vibing with the guys. However they would then go home on the 4th which sucks. But before that, both Skye and I spent a lot of money on consoles that are almost as old as ourselves. They bought a fucking PS Vita and I got a motherfucking Wii. We both had fun with em and I even helped Skye homebrew their Vita since I wanted to put PebbleCD on it (I failed but shut uuup) But yea, sadly the guys had to go and it sucked! But I still had a great time. There’s a bit of a gap here right up until the 12th, where finally, the big event happened. CAREY IN THE HOUSE WENT LIVE!! I had finished it a few days prior but figured I’d build up hype by posting it on that Friday. AND IT SURE WORKED! The video blew up faster than any of my videos before it! I am so happy the response has been overwhelmingly positive. I also love how the only main complaint that was common amongst people was that Careys exaggerated accent was annoying which, yea can’t argue against. For anyone wishing for more CITH content, I did a behind the scenes mega thread over on my twitter if you wanna have a deeper look into the production! I’ll even link it here:  https://twitter.com/Carey_Black_/status/1619731723352444928 Now, to move onto why it took me forever to make an update. My mock exams.. BUT BEFORE THAT!! THERE’S ALSO THE FACT THAT MR WULF AND I WERE ABLE TO ARCHIVE THE ORIGINAL EDDSWORLD BANG BOOM SPLAT PROJECT FILE!!

This all started because Wulf wanted to edit the credits for his arcade BBS build since I was helping him out and since I said SWF modding is hard he just casually asked Psycosis and after seeing his WIP cabinet, gave Wulf the FLA! So a current “BBS arcade version” is in the works by yours truly thanks to both the generosity of Psycosis and the fact that Mr Wulf is a fucking mad man who could stop global warming in a month if he wanted to LOL! Here’s Wulfs finished Cabinet btw!:  https://twitter.com/MrWulfOfficial/status/1622295302685315073 But yea, for real. My mock exams were a pain! For those outside of Ireland or have a different name for em, Mock exams are, well, exams that act like a practice run for your finals. They’re always harder than the actual finals and are usually graded stricter too! Why? Who knows! The Irish education system is a joke. I feel like I did somewhat ok in them anyway? Some were definitely worse than others but overall it was more of an inconvenience. I did get this really cool art piece out of it however.

Exams would later spill over into February and like I said at the start, I finished and got off school a few days ago. Overall, this month was about a 7/10. It was pretty good, especially in the Eddsworld department, but mocks and other personal tid bits I didn’t mention here dragged it down for me. Since February seems to be mostly me being off school, I hope this month will be better haha! Only time will tell! Thank you for reading! And I hope to see you next month!! (Hopefully on time too haha!) 

[rottingmanifesto]

Pre-Fire Part 2 + Fire

-It’s interesting to see how awkward Lincoln is at the country club. Understandably so, considering he’s never been and the connotations of the time, but I wish we saw more to that side of him. It wears off by the time he meets Sal (despite the numerous micro-aggressions), but still, I wonder.

-I want to know more about the event Giorgi talks about with Lincoln. It was likely in 1964, maybe September or October before he went to boot camp. Regardless, I want to see/hear more about that night!

-“You make him sound like a goddamn lawyer.” Oh if only

-Ah. Sal.

-eyyy Vito! I love how skeptical he is of everything, especially when Sal starts talking.

-WHY DID HE SAY “it’s pretty fuckin’ ballsy” TO SAL. LINCOLN YOU ARE SO STUPID

-anyway.

-Ow this hurts. I think even if he said yes Lincoln would’ve been manipulated.

-“But you know, even after we’re all evened up, you’re still gonna be sloppin’ around in the ass end of this city. Not much of a future in that.” Why does this line remind me of The Outsiders by SE Hinton? No clue, but still, interesting line.

-This also reveals a bit about Lincoln— not only is there that loyalty, but he also doesn’t think far into the future. He has general ideas of how things might go, but otherwise? He goes off of the past to shape his present. I don’t know, I just like that characterization.

-I bet Giorgi suggested Lincoln take over, and feels shame when Lincoln says no.

-John’s part is fascinating to me. What exactly did he mean? My interpretation is mostly that Lincoln just went with things with some plan but not much, he wasn’t bogged down by details when he had a goal in mind. But that’s my theory, I’m not quite sure what he meant.

Heist

-“Fuckers!” That line is so funny to me I don’t know why

-I love how Giorgi is the voice of reason here: Lincoln says nothing and both Danny and Ellis want to use the TNT. How the hell does this friend group even function

-the vault falling is so funny to me, looney tunes ass hijink

Burke’s Place

-DANNY MY BELOVED

-I wanna know how Lincoln got the Casanova nickname. Like I can deduce what it means, but I want to know the story

-“yeah. Unfortunately.”

-The banter between these four is great, I wish we saw more of it

-Danny switches accents with his dad. Little details like this make the characters feel human to me (even if it sounds more Scottish than Irish)

-they never cleaned the car :(

-NICKIIIIIIII my favorite (fictional) lesbian

Mardi Gras

-I want the lore on the underground tunnels. It looks so cool! NOLA doesn’t have any so I wonder where they got the idea

-the ass joke. Enough said

-what kind of building has a ladder to the underground canals? That’s what I want to know

-“fuck you pig!” Best line in the whole series 10/10 no more games needed

-look, I know plot armor and all that, but how did they not get caught? You’d think the police would be looking for them even above ground before they even got up there

-Danny, hon. You’re an awful actor

-“We all got a friend in Jesus.”

-the graveyard looks so cool ngl

-“I’m sleepin’ on a bed of tiddies” yeah if only man

The Fire

-I love Sammy and Ellis’ banter. Again, wish we saw more, like a prequel DLC or something

-“It’s freedom. Real freedom.” The cost of freedom is buried in the ground.

-Sammy’s suspicions were right, but he couldn’t warn anyone

-ah the kiss of death

-the dramatic irony of “ain’t no one standing over me again” and his death being, well, someone standing over him.

-Lincoln’s hallucinations are interesting. It would’ve been nice to know the lore (if it was fumes, or PTSD, or something else)

-What would’ve happened if he didn’t make that call?

-“You’re goddamn right I did.”

Recovery

-This is where the timeline confuses me. We see Robert Kennedy’s assassination (in June of 1968), but we also see Anna’s death around the same time despite Lincoln allegedly being (partially) incapacitated. So either RK’s assassination happened earlier in this world, or there was an accidental retcon.

-John falling asleep next to Lincoln reveals a lot about his motivations. If he really were there just to help with revenge, then why stick around? All he has to do (technically) is the setup, but instead, John chooses to help and keep watch over his friend. I really do believe John cares deeply for Lincoln (whether that be romantic or platonic is up to the player).

-The conversation between Lincoln and FJ is sad to me— the beginning of the end.

[strangefellows]

Two different fandoms and I know in general but I'm curious about the details, Cu and Emet?

First impression

Emet: God my reaction was basically OH GOD, NO when he popped up the first time because I'd been so burned by Ardyn's treatment and how he was mishandled in XV, and Emet giving me Ardyn vibes nearly immediately triggered my panic button of NO I DON'T WANT THIS AGAIN. I did NOT want to like him and get fucked over again.

Cu: Hot! Hot guy! Oh, Cu Chulainn, I know him! He's my dad's favorite myth hero! My dad and I watched UBW together, so he was pretty hyped to see Cu, and though at the time I didn't know as much about him, I thought he looked pretty cool and I'm a nut for Irish/Celtic mythos, so I was intrigued.

Impression now

Emet: MY LOVE MY DARLING, YOU BASTARD MAN. I can tell you the exact moment I gave in was in Amaurot, during Hyth's little speech about Emet when they had a nearly frame-by-frame perfect recreation of an Ardyn scene (the bit where Emet's walking down the street shot in dif angles) and it hit me that Ishikawa was not going to do me dirty like Tabata did, and I just went "oh okay I can safely love him". He's fantastic and one of my favorite FF characters now but also FUCK YOU FOR LEAVING YOU ABSOLUTE BITCHLORD

Cu: I LOVE HIM SO MUCH [sobbing] his interactions with Rin and Shirou in UBW were what sold me on him completely, he was just so warm and friendly and teasing, and so clearly a loyal badass, and his death scene absolutely destroyed my ass, and then I read about myth Cu and screamed a bit because he's SO COOL, and then FGO ruined me further. He's incredible.

Favorite moment

Emet: "You've committed the cardinal sin of boring me." is one of them for sure, but also Literally Everything In Elpis. The moment when you go in as a DPS and this motherfucker is a DRK.

Cu: Absolutely destroying Kirei in UBW, CasCu wrecking Corrupted Emiya's shit in the Fuyuki Singularity anime, every single time in my FGO file this absolute Irish cockroach has been my last man standing and saved the entire fight for me singlehandedly, my love my darling.

Idea for a story

Emet: YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED YOU BITCH; anything like that I guess, but also let me see more past shenanigans.

Cu: God, IDK, myth stuff? Chaldea shenanigans? Let this man have a damn nap?

Unpopular opinion

Emet: ....I'm not sure what's unpopular or not anymore? It's hard to say.

Cu: I absolutely fucking despise the "Oh no, you killed Cu!" joke, it's not funny, mildly insulting frankly, and it needs to knock it off. He has plenty of comedic potential without him needing to be lol-murdered every five minutes. The comedic abuse angle is awful. (On a less salty note, I don't ship Cu and Emiya, though yall do yall XD)

Favorite relationship

Emet: EmetAzemHyth OT3, obviously! Though Emet and non-Azem WoLs is fun to explore too, his relationship with them.

Cu: Besides how much I fucking adore the BFF relationship I've written between him and my Fujimaru? ALL ABOARD THE GOOD DINGHY SS CUROBIN!!!! Though CuGil is a fun secondary ship, and like I said for Gil, the Cu+Gil+Emiya friendship trio is delightful.

Favorite headcanon

Emet: I like the idea he has some sentimental feelings towards the Garlean Empire (its people specifically) despite everything, and it would kinda break his heart to see it as of EW.

Cu: Trans Cu thanks very much. Also I headcanon a VERY DIFFERENT version of events regarding Aife and Connla's conception that I won't talk about here, but I do prefer my version given Cu's stated personality. (Also I like thinking he was actually pretty loyal to Emer despite the flirting, he doesn't seem the type to actively cheat, regardless of what's said his personality doesn't to me seem the type.)

[mino2aur]

fallout 4 companions pros and cons list

dogmeat

pros: funny doggy, no judging you ever

cons: ?

codsworth

pros: robot, funny voice, has a flamethrower, incredible lust for violence

cons: VERY judgemental, british

piper

pros: kinda quirky, strange facial animation

cons: keeps spreading synth fearmongering despite claiming to be pro synth rights, strange facial animation, still says "sweet summer child"

preston

pros: genuinely a nice dude, radiant quests (if youre a settlementpilled minutechad)

cons: ? (radiant quests if youre a hater and a loser)

danse

pros: large and sexy, autistic

cons: brotherhood of steel

deacon

pros: railroad, bald guy swag, silly and funny

cons: ?

strong or whatever his name is

pros: super mutant, silly and funny

cons: deeply depressing if youve played new vegas and saw how much of a downgrade they gave mutants between games. jesus christ

curie

pros: robot, funny voice, dubious ethics

cons: has to get turned into a synth which is way less cool, french

hancock

pros: people magazine's sexiest man alive 200 years running, anarchist, ghoul

cons: ?

macready

pros: hey thats the kid from fallout 3 but hes an adult now. thats so epic.

cons: shut the fuck up macready get out of here

cait

pros: likes stealing and murder, irish, hotted woman

cons: poorly written

x6 88

im not gonna lie to you i did not realise you could companion this guy during my last full playthrough so i dont know anything about him. he seems nice tho

nick valentine

pros: sexy as all hell, synth, good gimmick

cons: ?

DLCS BELOW

ada

pros: robot, i straight up think she is attracted to the player character, you can give her laser gun arms, nice voice

cons: ?

old longfellow

pros: funny oldman, reminds me of movie "the lighthouse"

cons: ?

porter gage

pros: some people are attracted to him

cons: not me though fuck off im not gonna piss off my man preston

[thepiinkpages]

I've never been into audio books until I actually listened to one... I get it now.

GENRE: ROMANCE, DARK, MAFIA, CONTEMPORARY

RATING: 4 OUT OF 5 STARS

ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭━☆ﾟ*:. ੈ✩‧₊˚⁺✧.｡+.｡☆ﾟ:;｡+☆ﾟ¨ﾟﾟ･:..ﾞ

.ೃ࿐

...The only reason I came to read this book is because it came up on my fyp with the caption 'When he says I miss you but...". This one caught my eye because it said Rafe Visconti googled how to grovel for pointers to win Penny back. And ya'll know how much I love a groveling man. Now, when I first started this book I noticed it was a but more than 200 pages. Which is fine but unfortunately because i'm a dunce and I was excited about reading about a groveling man, I didn't read the entire description where it said it was only part 2... OKAYYY.

If you like men that act like Elijah Mikaelson, this man is for you. Me on the other hand, I was more of a Klaus Mikaelson fan so Rafe was a bit too tame for me. Maybe his brother Gabe is more my style. The fact that he changed his favorite drink (whiskey) to vodka because he knew Penny did like it was so cute. I still can't believe he chased her with a fucking hammer.

I loved the banter in this book too. It was TOO funny. My girl really said I'd rather shit in my hands and clap....GIRLLLL. Also the whole fortune teller card reading part was a fresh idea. I liked how Rafe was bascially warned about Penny *insert cackle here*

I think this book was meant to be a teaser or something because I was waiting for the adult fun time scene only for it to never come. Call me crazy but I was disappointed. It was cute how the feelings were being slowly shown. Especially when Ms Penny was rocking a full bush and he went down on her... GOBSMACKED. I see how you do things Somme Sketcher. And the fact that Rafe killed the Irish dude because he bet Penny thinking he would win but then he lost so because he hates cheating, my man really said guess I'll just have to kill him then...GEEZ. Plus the Amax card part... If you heard a scream that was me.

Here's some quotes:

𐙚₊˚⊹ "...'You're a dog, Penelope.... I should look into putting you down'...'They already tried'...'And?'... 'I bit the vet." 𐙚₊˚⊹ 

𐙚₊˚⊹ "...'Why do you care if I cry?'... 'Because last night, I saw you laugh." 𐙚₊˚⊹ 

𐙚₊˚⊹ "...'Do I look like I eat that shit?'... 'What do you eat then? The blood of forty virgins for breakfast or something?'"𐙚₊˚⊹ 

This book was hilarious but I will be waiting for better, HOTTER, things in the next book.. MUAH.

[lasseizlesbontempsrouler]

more maine

giggles give this man a whoopie pie

he always has a toothpick in his mouth

he has a chewing problem

and anxiety about shit being in his teeth

the south after maine stole their aesthetic:

silly little man (always has the best christmas tree):

live alabama reaction:

he's actually really fit

his legs r so

foaming at the mouth

my dude runs up and down lighthouses for fun

like every day

he likes blueberries

minnesota state food blueberry muffin moment

they bake them together

he wakes up really fucking early to see the sunrise

maine super fucking early with coffee to watch the sunrise:

florida also up early with orange juice, paints and an easel:

new jersey

I'M GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET FOR THIS MAN

"cypress stop giving states scars" shut up i'm giving states scars

giggles kicks my feet new jersey has a shit ton of scars

him and new york are brothers

his (non-hockey) sports teams are all new york teams

he uses that weird irish spring soap

he does not sleep

new york and new jersey at 3 am seeing each other in the kitchen both on their way to make black coffee

dude is feral for horror movies, but specifically the like "creepy kids" movies (coraline + shit)

dude has the most cracked screen on his iphone ever

"jersey what the fuck is that how do you see"

"fuck you it's perfectly fine"

and no one can see what's going on because of how cracked the screen is

he refuses to go get it fixed though :/

hates maryland

HOLY SHIT HE H A T E S MARYLAND

oh that pa guys chill (penn who is like married to maryland rn)

FUCKING HATES MARYLAND

CONFIDENT PRIDEFUL LITTLE BITCH

SO ANNOYING AND HIS FOOD ISN'T EVEN GOOD

he have dobermans

he have dobies

new jersey has dobermans i accept no arguemnts i am right

he bites

girls when california?

jers when california (i'm so funny i tried to make new jersey + girls rhyme)

new mexico

him and arizona are brothers ("cypress you keep saying this" ik)

new mexico existing:

new york just: this u? (he's blasting santa fe from newsies)

he does the roadrunner "meep meep" when he gets excited

he's not really big on alcohol

also him with his wine

damn good wine

he's also pretty boy (land of enchantment)

very pretty boy

i'd like to kiss his forehead please

giggles he's also so smart

brilliant little guy patting his head

he's also like one of the youngest bitches here

very into preserving nature AND cultures

he thinks california is cool

no but honestly he's an advocate for preservation of a lot of things

new mexico likes cows

dude would sit in an open field with cows and read quietly for hours

arizona trying to find new mex:

new mexico with water and textbooks in the field with cows:

not a pasture though like just an open field

he likes hot air balloons too

they fascinate him

did you know that the first atomic bomb was in new mexico

hehe

also he's big on not disrupting the dead

we respect the dead

honestly he's ur average pretty boy college student complete with two phds and a bigger liking for animals than people

New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Maine.

hi can i go feral for maine

biting him and shaking my head like a dog

lobster man

him and maryland bond over crustaceans

i'm literally gnawing on maine rn

he would hate louisiana but they're related so he loves louisiana

he and canada best friends real

they bully america together

m state thing but he know better than to argue with maryland

him and michigan sitting in the back with their respective drinks

they're friends

whoo

most boring music taste ever

demiro demisex maine real so true canon

also i've decided he gendern't

new york i have

here + here !!

NEW JERSEY I LOVE NEW JERSEY HE MAKES ME GIGGLE AND KICK MY FEET

here actually i'm heading to sleep now i'll finish this as a reblog tmrw

[fruggo]

Hello ! I saw the enemies fo lovers things and I wanna request if possible

“ rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago. “

With frank if you would and thank you

yessirrr i love frank sm it’s not ok. also umm i may have accidentally written friends to enemies to lovers or something idk. and though i wouldnt necessarily call you friends at the start, you werent really enemies yet???? idk🐸just ummm yeh i love frank

also help how do i not go overboard???? i feel like i made this way too long, please help and i am sorry

warnings: canon-typical violence, swearing, frank being a bastard but then you’re like awwww he’s a cute bastard aaaaw

~~

Things were weird with Frank, and they always had been from the moment you stepped foot in the Entity’s realm. He always tunneled you relentlessly, and that made you think of him as a big asshole, but there were some strange details tacked onto the sentiment that greatly confused you, should you think about it for more than three seconds.

Sometimes, it seemed like he went easy on you in chases, like he put in no effort. He would chase you for a while, let you waste his time, and then leave without even getting a hit on you when he definitely had the ability to.

And you hated saying this, but when he handled you, it almost felt…gentle. Granted, he was a killer, and his job was to murder you, but your experiences with him did not quite line up with those of the other survivors.

They always described trials against Frank as “stepping on legos in the middle of the night” or something akin to that. You never felt like that, though—when he chased you, it felt fair. Almost as if he played nice with you. And more often than not, the killer would let you go when he caught you. The reason remained a mystery to you until quite a bit later.

This trial, Frank was in 100% bastard mode. You had begun to think of his trials as quite easy due to his seemingly calm nature around you, so you were rather caught off guard when he downed you in the first 30 seconds of the match and tossed you onto a hook, no gentleness whatsoever.

You wanted to yell at him and ask what the fuck was wrong with him until you realized this was his fucking job, and this is how he should have been treating you all along. Maybe you had just been imagining it all, but you could have sworn he used to leave you alone more than this. Something just felt different.

After you were unhooked, he went for you again. And again. And then you were dead, completely wiped out of the trial. Frank had demolished you with no remorse.

You knew it was silly to feel betrayed, but you really couldn’t help it. In such an insane and hellish place, anything that could be even remotely perceived as kindness seemed like so much more of a big deal than it truly was. So Frank’s supposed “gentleness” with you had felt somewhat like a friend doing you a selfless favor. Of course, it was not a selfless favor, and it was certainly nowhere near kindness, because he was still a killer chasing you with a knife, but your standards had really lowered in this place.

After that trial, you were back to hating Frank for tunneling and bullying you (like you probably should). You began to understand the survivors’ saying about the legos—and you hoped that Frank would step on some legos too, because he fucking sucked sometimes.

And for a while, that’s just how it was. You nearly forgot how he used to go easier on you, and how you used to do okay in his matches. Now every time you were pit against each other it just felt like you were being stuck with a bunch of pins; you never had any time to breathe or rest or do literally anything. He just went after you until you were gone, and there was next to nothing you could do about it.

Everything changed very suddenly during a trial at Ormond.

You were expecting the same old routine with this asshole—chase, blah blah blah, die. You hardly had energy to fight back anymore.

So when he arrived out of breath at the killer shack, somehow knowing you would be here, Frank was surprised to find you relaxing under the window with your arms loosely crossed, a disapproving scowl upon your countenance. It was enough to make him hesitate in his tracks.

You let out a deep breath, refusing to break eye contact with his mask; you kept up that menacing frown for as long as you could, trying to make him feel guilty (who knows if it was even possible for him to feel guilty? But it was worth a try).

“Just kill me,” you said, voice steady and seemingly unbothered. Underneath the surface, you were trembling, but you stood your ground. “That’s what you’re gonna do, isn’t it? You’re going to chase me until I’m miserable and kill me off as soon as you can?”

Frank went still, not even fidgeting with his knife like he usually did; he was intrigued by your sudden confidence.

You went on. “I’m really sick and tired of you, you know that? I’m sick of you and your bullshit. Why can’t you treat me like everybody else? At first, you went easy on me. Now you just torture me with your stupid mind games, and frankly, I’m sick of playing! I’m done with you—I don’t care anymore! Just kill me, and I’ll get out of your way, okay asshole? Mori me if you want. I don’t give a shit.”

You put your hands up exasperatedly, fully expecting him to take the offer and just send you back to the campfire right then and there. But the man sighed, pocketed his knife, and sat down right next to you as if this were a normal thing for him to do.

You scooted a few inches away out of instinct. Frank noticed, but he chose not to say a word about it.

It was a long time before he said anything, and when he finally did, you wanted to punch him so bad.

“It’s complicated,” he mumbled. And that was all.

Oh, yeah? It was complicated? You scoffed, hanging your head with a bitter smile. “Oh, okay. Sure.”

Silence again.

Awkward, suffocating silence.

And then Frank got up and left. You were unbothered for the remainder of the trial, not even a scratch or bruise on your body.

~~

Sometimes you simply did things, and you didn’t know why. This thing that you just did was irrational, stupid, unplanned, unwise, and everything in-between, and you knew it was, but frequently you just had no impulse control. Perhaps it was the Entity’s influence, or maybe you had always been this way—you couldn’t really remember.

How did you get here again? Why were you laying on the ground? And why did your leg hurt so fucking much?

Oh, yes. Yes, yes, you remember now.

Funnily enough, it seems as though the Entity, along with certain killers, did not like it when survivors tried to enter their side of the forest! But you did it anyways, and it appeared that you had suffered the consequences. It’s not like you had put much thought into it; where was the point in that when nothing mattered anymore and you were stuck in an endless cycle of death?

You remembered entering the killer’s woods, looking around, and doing…something. What was that something? You couldn’t be sure, but then you remembered somebody coming up to you and probably definitely hurting you. Yep, your leg definitely was in a lot of pain. You couldn’t even look at it. Did you pass out for a while? Maybe. How long were you out for?

You lay still there for a while, thinking. Man, it really hurt, and boy, were you miserable. Maybe more miserable than you’d ever felt here. The Entity normally healed wounds immediately, but perhaps you had just angered it so much you deserved to suffer.

Oh, dear! You seemed to be passing out at this time. Yes, that was almost certainly what was happening. Black spots danced across your eyes as your body began to feel distant and numb, but you didn’t feel very worried about it. In fact, you felt like making jokes right now, but you had nobody to make jokes to and you probably couldn’t even speak.

Just as you began to accept it, there was a strange thumping sensation vibrating through the ground growing closer…and closer…

Footsteps! That’s good!

Oh. Not if it’s a killer. That’s not good, probably.

But you had no way of protesting when you felt yourself being picked up, because those black spots in your eyes were dancing a lot faster now, perhaps something akin to an Irish jig, and you also couldn’t feel your limbs.

Then you were fast asleep again, dreaming of Irish dancers who were actually big fluffy cloud people wearing leprechaun clothes. Nobody but you would ever know this, and it was going to stay that way.

On the bright side, it made it a lot easier for your rescuer to carry you to safety like this.

~~

When you awoke once more, you were horrified to find yourself in the Ormond lodge of all places. You knew immediately what had happened and were determined to escape as soon as possible.

Your injured leg proved to be a huge problem, however, and you collapsed the second you attempted to find freedom. Trying again, you collapsed once more, and probably maimed yourself further in the process.

Hearing the commotion from the second floor, your least favorite member of The Legion descended down from the main stairs, refusing to look directly at you even as he scooped you up and plunked you (gently) back onto the couch, which was rather comfortable (not that you would ever tell him that).

So he was playing it cool, huh?

Okay. You could play it cool, too. You were cool. Smooth as butter.

No. You really couldn’t be cool in a situation like this, and plus, your mind was still a little woohoo since whatever accident had occurred. Suddenly you blurted out, “Frank, I hate your guts.”

And he had the audacity to laugh. He laughed at you! He did the man chuckle thing, as if what you were saying was funny. No! You were completely serious! You did hate his guts!

Perhaps your face showed how upset you were, because he started to apologize (still laughing).

“Maybe you should go back to sleep,” Frank said after calming down a bit.

No. You couldn’t go back to sleep. You did not want to experience dancing cloud people dressed as leprechauns ever again in your life, for the rest of eternity. Never again.

So you shook your head violently, refusing to give an explanation, which just provoked Frank to anger all of a sudden. If you went back to sleep, he could have some alone time while the rest of The Legion was gone. He kept pushing, and you kept resisting, and he pushed and you resisted, until finally he gave up and let you off with a warning. If you made him mad again, he was throwing you out in the snow.

Fine with me, you said. Okay, I’ll do it right now, he said. No balls, you said.

So then Frank casually went to scoop you up in his arms again, and you started to freak out and beat your hands against his chest until he put you back down. He was was awfully mindful of your hurt leg for someone who was about to throw you into the snow.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry—please don’t throw me out,” you fussed. You thought he wouldn’t actually do it. You didn’t know it, but you were right—he was just messing with you because it was funny seeing you scared.

After a bit more griping back and forth, Frank began to grow concerned about your leg. He didn’t know how to bring up the topic because things were so odd between the two of you; this was your first interaction since the brief encounter in the shack. But he swallowed his pride, because the wound seemed to be getting worse by the minute.

“Hey, do you want me to, uhh…get some supplies?” Frank asked awkwardly. When you didn’t understand, he continued, “Your leg? It looks like it hurts…I could fix it if you want.”

You barked out a laugh at his words, unbelieving of this shift in attitude. “Rich coming from the guy who tried to kill me three days ago,” you snickered, genuinely finding it amusing.

Frank took offense. He was trying to be nice for once, and you thought it was funny. And his situation really was complex, whether you chose to believe it or not. Maybe he should just tell you to get it off of his chest.

“Listen,” he said, voice laced with seriousness. “When I told you things were complicated, I meant it.”

Sensing the mood change from his tone and body language, you stopped smiling and decided to pay attention to him. Just this once. Never again. After this you could go back to hating him.

Frank continued. “The Entity was going to start…well, hurting me, if I didn’t start doing better in trials. I really didn’t want to sacrifice you, which is embarrassing to admit, but I’ll say it. And I don’t think it liked that.”

You were surprised. And also relieved that you had been right all along—he had been going easy on you at first.

“Why me, though?” you asked, confused. “Why wouldn’t you want to sacrifice me? What about the other survivors?”

If the slight tilt of his head at your question didn’t answer it for you, the way he started tapping his feet and cracking his knuckles so nervously did.

Boy, if looks could kill, you would have died instantly at the scowl Frank sent your way; you grinned pridefully at the realization that this man was down bad. You couldn’t see the expression behind his mask, though, which Frank was thankful for.

He hated every second of this, but you loved it. You reveled in his embarrassment.

Leaning forward on your hands, you begged, “Tell me more! I want to hear all about your feelings for me.”

“I could stab you right now, you know that?”

“But you won’t. You liiiiike me!”

“What are you, eight years old?”

“No, but I am severely injured and have lost a lot of blood so I am not necessarily in the right headspace at the moment.”

“You make a fair point.”

“So tell me! What’s your favorite thing about me?”

“Your ass.”

“No, really.”

“Okay, your ass and your hair.”

“You know what, Frank, I still hate your guts.”

“No, you don’t.”

You paused for a moment. It was probably the blood loss talking, you decided later, but you said, “No. Maybe I don’t.”