#FUCKING VICIOUS CYCLE.
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SHEN YUAN HAREM ENJOYERS RAISE YOUR HAND!!!1!!1!
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#my art#procreate#liu qingge#gongyi xiao#luo binghe#yue qingyuan#shang qinghua#zhuzhi lang#cumplane#liushen#bingqiu#14 yr old me dekubowl truther would be proud#life is a vicious washing cycle that i have no choice but to abide to#SHEN YUAN I LOVE YOU!!!#svsss fanart#god tumblr fucking obliterated this pic
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I feel like I just saw a meta about how Steve may or may not be unable to take baths as a result of his history of, y'know, crsshing a plane straight into arctic waters, but I can't find it now--and now I'm thinking about how his PTSD probably does interweave with water and bathing but maybe it's, on good days, at least, attached specifically to cold water.
So, he can have a nice, steaming hot bath after a mission to relax his muscles, but if he accidentally falls asleep in the tub and wakes up a few hours later with the water gone cold? Then, all bets are off and he's waking up with a surge, hyperventilating until he's dizzy while his memories of what it was like to first wake up after being thawed overlaid by his existencial nightmares of being frozen entirely in ice, unable to move, unable to scream, unable to do anything but feel ice-cold down to his bones, crushed by the weight of frozen water and by the loneliness of being imprisoned in an unmarked grave.
Oh, Steve.
#i feel like he'd be especially prone to falling asleep in the bath when bucky's not back yet and he's that much more raw and depressed#and it's a vicious fucking cycle#stevie baby i love you#steve rogers#meta#fandomfluffandfuck
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out of context lyric discussion doodles solely because you guys like this... thing.... or.... whatever he is........
#i never ever ever draw bs spam or addispam because. i dont know what i want him to look like. it always changes.#i dont know what he'd look like.................. and you know what he probably doesnt entirely remember fully either so THATS MY EXCUSE#and also because its weirdly hard to draw them??? i start with his glasses n then frame everything around it usually#(which is probably causing me a lot of consistency issues but idc)#but like... what glasses.... how do i draw him theres no glasses to build his face off of#a few times before i drew the glasses first. framed the face. and THEN erased it because of how integral that part is to me#haha anyways i never draw these guys so. crumbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#i prefer the more fucked up freakass spamton anyways to be honest#i love mspaint sm is it obvious#AJWYAYYS I WANT TO DO ASKS!!!!!!!11I KEEP ACCIDENTALLY DISTRACTING MYSELF!!!!!!!1 THE VICIOUS CYCLE!!!#hi luka pretend this isnt here
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TES fest day 6: abandoned
In the grief of supposedly losing her brother, Lilanwe certainly made some choices. She joined the Worm Cult, becoming a much more cold and cynical person. Granted, it wasn't entirely Auredil's fault for what happened to him, but I don't know that she'll ever really forgive him for leaving her behind.
#yans art#tesfest24#elder scrolls online#lilanwe#like man lily and auredil's story is so fucked when I think about it now (in the best way. I love drama)#siblings who grew up relying only on each other and get pitted against each other by gods#she loses him and finds him and loses him again and refuses to accept that he's really gone while everyone around her tells her to let go#it becomes an obsession that drives her further away from people who care about her and she becomes angry and bitter#and she turns to this lone crusade against the worm cult. just hunting as many of them down as she can#just this vicious cycle of revenge and death which -chef's kiss-#also just the contrast between the two of them and her feeling like she's living in his shadow#her being an ex-agent of the worm cult who can never truly make amends#and auredil being meridia's champion who sacrificed himself to save nirn. thus dying a hero and absolving himself from the aftermath of tha#understandably she's resentful!#thanks for coming to my tedtalk
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Why does it feel like I never have enough time to do anything? I’m constantly plagued with decision paralysis and I’m certain it’s because I have so many things I want to focus on but which fucking one?!
Then I do none of them.
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You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.
I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.
Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.
#text post#april rambles#it's stupid because I WANT to do it#but even wanting to do things doesn't trick my jerkass brain#the meds helped some things and fucked other things#I'm still trying to reshape my relationship with watercolor#I haven't touched it enough and yet I'm trying to learn more#which sounds dumb#but so is anxiety am i right?#so i've been poking linocut because i don't feel bad being awful or unskilled at it or whatever#it's no pressure#and I'm disproportionately afraid of pressure now#which is something the medication can't fix#now if only I could purchase motivation and courage#I'm just so worried I'll disappoint people forever#you know how vicious cycles are#anyway i'm gonna get things done one way or another
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temporary buddies
#ffxiv#ffxiv wol#geese art#ffxiv estinien#ocs#oc: kiriltugh#okay their whole deal. they don’t get along rn. like at all#me the player? i love estinien#kiril cannot fucking stand him and vice versa#they just no notttt like each other#when estinien is calling u a friend when ur about to. hm#heavensward spoilers#about tk fight nidhogg#i read that as him being like super passive aggressive LOL#bc kiril has background w the heretics#the entire time they were traveling together kiril would just kinda grumble abt estinien being wrong abt everything#until obv they eventually found out. uh oh kiril has also been wrong about everything#and estinien was like HAH. vindication. now u see.#n like this whole time estinien’s been like you’re wasting your strength when u could be using it for the fucking city thays protecting you#asshole.#so when kiril has no choice but to fight for ishgard w no like. alternative reason#estinien’s like yeah BUDDY. come and fight with someone who’s RIGHT#PAL.#DOES ANY OF THIS MAKE SENSE.#SORRY I GRADUATED TODAY. YOU ONOW HOW IT IS.#i’ll elaborate tomorrow if anyone’s interested. whatever#i realize i have to elaborate on my ocs if i want people to be interested in them#vicious cycle
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yknow whatever happens it's still crazy that despite how incredibly rigged the elections were, despite fidesz scheming and making their own candidate drop out to make extra sure karigeri loses, despite fidesz LITERALLY shipping illegal voters in, despite the insane amount of lying and fraud and corruption in the vote count. karigeri still won. like literally despite all of that. and the only way they can make him lose is to very publicly commit fraud because they know we can't do anything about it. like it all already took so many tricks that now they literally had to abandon all pretense of legitimacy and fully just come out and say yeah, this was fraudulent from the start but somehow you motherfuckers won anyway so we're gonna have to take extra measures. there's something reassuring about just how much this fuckass government has to do to keep people down;;
#thing is everyone who's anti government is emigrating in droves so there's less and less people each year#it's such a vicious cycle but what can we fucking do?? how are we supposed to get#rid of a party that 80% of the country votes for???? the fact that this is so fucking clearly and#blatantly happening right under the EU's nose but literally noone seems to give a fuck. there's no way out lol. lmao.#barking
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do yall ever have a friend who's making the stupidest mistake and you can't do anything but watch the inevitable car crash just happen
#nina rambles~✦#like ive told her so many times#dont get with him#but she just keeps getting back with him#and ugh#relationships like these where you go back and back to the person who hurts you is such a vicious cycle#and ive been throught that which is why I'm doing my best to help her out of it#but she's too blinded by his sheer toxic behavior and thinks of it as love#and theres only so much i can do#and this dude just apologized to me#what? Does he think im going to accept his thinly veiled apology?#and hes only apologizing to me beause I'm her best friend#fuck off actually lmao#why apologize to me? im not the one you hurt. but I am the one with the common sense to see right through your bullshit.#do you think if you go 'oh but I've been making amends' that I'm going to turn to my friend and go 'okay never mind he's an amazing guy'#fuck all the way off#okay im done now LMAO
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I really try to not compare myself to other authors but sometimes it’s really fucking hard.
#and then I get mad at myself for feeling bad#and it’s a vicious fucking cycle#looking for things and then hurting my own feelings#and then getting mad at myself for even looking#and starting the cycle again
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I can’t articulate it, but it gets to me that, outside of Spock and I think Tuvok, being logical and regulating emotions isn’t something that Vulcans are shown to just endure, the same way they endure lower temperatures for other species, or higher oxygen for other species, or anything else that has to be incredibly uncomfortable at best to painful at worst that they just endure
The vibe I get from it is that a majority of Vulcans enjoy it, they like being logical, maybe they didn’t get a choice in being logical as kids, but unlike the select few like Sybok, they don’t seem to be resentful that they were raised like that at all
This isn’t just something they’re all forced to do now to prevent their emotions from causing their species’ end, dedicating themselves to logic brought them inner peace
#Star Trek#Vulcans#can’t articulate it especially while really tired and lying in bed#but hopefully y’all still get what I’m trying to say#I say I think for Tuvok because I know he struggles with violent thoughts#but I don’t think it has the same vibes as Spock struggling with his human half to fully accept Vulcan’s ways#even though it seems like fully dedicating himself like that brings more harm to his human half#which causes it to be more prominent like a vicious cycle#fuck definitely can’t articulate rn#also maybe for Tuvok Vulcan’s ways are actually even more appreciated#because they’re exactly there to help Vulcans regulate intense emotions#also I think this is part of why it seems more like Spock struggles compared to other Vulcans#for other Vulcans logic and regulating all emotions is seen as a way for them to be content#to be able to live their lives peacefully and to its best extent (peace and long life)#in a way that embracing emotions wouldn’t because they’re intense emotions would destroy themselves#but for Spock logic and regulating emotions is more about trying to reach impossible standards and get acceptance from everyone else#abd things like that again very tired can’t articulate#also adding to my hc that while Vulcans regulate their emotions and come to logical terms on why they feel like they do#and peacefully handle it#Spock believes that they’re all suppressing so that’s what he’s actually doing#just suppress suppress suppress everything which isn’t healthy#just my personal thoughts
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You know it’s rough out here when you see people make the most illogical lucrative decisions business wise
#if you make a skin tutorial bundle $400 or even $50 who is paying for that my luv?#that doesn’t sound like a good idea lmao#the constant need to monetize to its limits is fucking up the potential business you could actually have#must be a vicious cycle#and it’s like the people who want to monetize insignificant things really are detached from the saying ‘less is more’#as I’m typing I realize it’s really not that deep to them and they just want some quick bucks which is understandable#but you can’t operate and go about things like a big corporation when you literally aren’t it doesn’t work like that#mr.txt
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i found this lore entry recently and have not stopped thinking about it since. it is HYSTERICALLY funny to me that fandaniel's villain origin story was just being a fuckin boomer
One of few great minds in a land that had seen the slow, yet steady numbing of its people's intelligence, Amon long lamented the sorry state of Allag , concentrating his early scientific efforts on developing medicines to increase mental capacity . He soon realized that it was not knowledge that the Allagans lacked. If anything, they had too much. What his people lacked was a leader. With a renewed sense of focus, Amon shifted his studies to the field of vivimancy, and soon was conducting experiments on his own flesh in order to attain his final goal - the resurrection of Xande the First.
— Encylopaedia Eorzea Volume I, p. 25
#final fantasy xiv#ffxiv#ffxiv amon#ffxiv fandaniel#i just. i Just.#the fact that he tried to fix it by doing research to literally just give people extra brain cells#before deciding the problem was ipad babies is KILLING me#i don't know why it's so hilarious but oh my fucking god#like obviously his real problem with it was a) that whole post about how there's Fun and there's Satisfaction from Achievement#which you need a balance of; because if you don't get enough fun you get stressed#but if you don't get the feel-good chemicals that come from working at and accomplishing things#it will fuck you up Badly; and make you horribly depressed; and you will probably try and substitute more and more Fun in a vicious cycle#b) not only did he live in the depressing nightmare sinkhole of resulting society-wide mental illness#but his attempts to preserve his sanity with meaningful work kept being appropriated into Fun by other people instead#and c) his exposure to the endpoint of 'utopia'; where everyone is happy and all their needs are (supposedly) met#was watching people get Bored and proceed to entertain themselves with horrific sadism and cruelty#he doesn't come right out and explicitly make that connection out loud; but going by his speech in the aitiascope it's pretty obvious#there's a Lot going on there; especially once you start getting into how he leans *into* the cruelty he hated so much#i could go on and probably i'll write up posts about it. it's fucked up and tragic and on a serious narrative level it tracks#but it's also SO SO FUNNY#ffxivtag#FF tag#shitposting#ableism cw#endwalker spoilers
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I've had enough character development for this year. Can we skip to the beach filler episode?
#lmao#had a great day mostly but im feeling the burnout#hindsight im glad im gonna be taking summer off from college#yeah it'll take me a bit longer to get my degree but i crammed in a lot of shit within a year#and working on projects and theory and application non stop#caught up to me#there's still a part of me thats like BITCH TAKE 1 CLASS THATS 1 LESS TO WORRY ABOUT#but the other is like BITCH 1 CLASS AINT GON DO SHIT CHILL YOU OVERACHIEVING CHICKEN FRIED FUCK#“you take everything on like you're running out of time even though the thing you need most is rest.”#thank you friendo for calling me out on my bullshit 🙏🏻💯#maybe i should hire them to tell me when i need to slow the fuck down#cause even though ive gotten better with taking care of myself i get so caught up with my ambitions that it bites me in the ass#that and when you're disabled and if you get that window of opportunity where you feel good you want to crank all the shit out you can#before going back into hibernation mode#vicious cycle#anyway i be ranting#no magenta here but some other color that we shouldn't be able to comprehend but we do anyway
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my biggest fear is coming to life with every passing day (turning into my mother)
#rey vents!#every day of my life#i promised myself#i would not go through what she did#that the generational trauma ends there#and now#she is me i am her#and i know the cycle repeated with her mother#but godddd#i can't have that happen to my children one day#but she thought that about me a few years back#and here we are#vicious fucking cycle#girl blogger#spilled words#chaotic academia#womanhood#female rage#female hysteria
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also it is EVIL EVIL that you have to provide references and have a credit score of like 650 to literally have a place to live. this is what happens when necessities are treated like businesses...'oh it's their property they have to protect their investment' BITCH!! people need places to live no matter what! I hate this country
#this is not something I personally need to be worried about but it pissesme the fuck off. poverty is a godddamn vicious cycle#cor.txt
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