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makeste · 4 years ago

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BnHA Chapter 272: (Directed by Michael Bay)

Previously on BnHA: The My Child Soldiers Academia arc finally started to live up to its name as Tokoyami became the first (but I assure you not the last) victim of traumatic mental scarring courtesy of Horikoshi’s sick games! So he and Dark Shadow showed up to stop Dabi from murdering Hawks and were all “please don’t kill our mentor.” Dabi was all “AH BUT YOUR MENTOR KILLED SOMEONE ELSE, AND ISN’T THAT JUST LIKE THE HEROES THOUGH, THEIR HANDS ARE SO STAINED WITH BLOOD” and then he tried to set both of them on fire several times in succession. Hawks was all “Tokoyami just run away while he’s in the middle of his five-hour sermon” and so they tried but Dabi followed them! But then Geten was all “ALL RIGHT EVERYONE... CHILL” and fucking froze everything for no discernible reason, and Tokoyami fled the building with an unconscious Hawks in tow as the battle raged on. The chapter then ended with Gigantomachia being all “I smell my master!” and standing up, hahaha oh fuck.

Today on BnHA: Well you guys are not going to believe this, but it turns out that Tomura waking up is actually a very bad thing. A “worst case scenario” if you will! Because, get this, he has a quirk that can destroy anything, which spreads from whatever he touches to fucking everything and everywhere else. Gosh, if only we’d known about this since like 35 chapters ago. If only we’d had a spy among the villains who could have warned us, and three entire months to plan our attack, and literally every single hero in Japan on call to help us when the time came. Anyway so you’re really going to be shocked by this I’m telling you, but it turns out that when a crazy powerful person who wants to destroy everything finally wakes up, he immediately starts destroying everything with his crazy power. So X-Less dies and Crust dies and everyone else runs, and meanwhile the kids, who are on the outskirts of the city finishing up the evacuation, stand there in shock as the plot rampages toward them ready to swallow them whole. The chapter ends with Deku powering up to FORTY-FIVE PERCENT YEAHHHHH, and oh shit. Finally we’re doing this.

I am not even remotely done with all the shit I’m supposed to be finishing up, but fuck it, I need a break and reading the new chapter is by far the funnest thing on my current to-do list, so!

OH SNAPS MY BOY HAS FINALLY OPENED HIS EYES

IT ONLY TOOK HIM... OKAY LOOK I’M NOT GOING TO GO BACK AND COUNT ALL OF THE CHAPTERS, BUT LET’S SAY... FIFTEEN. ...HUNDRED. CHAPTERS TO FINALLY SNAP TO IT AND COME JOIN THE PARTY. BUT IT WAS WORTH THE WAIT! PROBABLY. AHH LET’S JUST READ ON

-- ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohm --

[puts on glasses and unfolds map while poring through a mess of scribbles on post-it notes] -- hold up, if my calculations are correct, I’m pretty sure “somewhere a bit further from the hospital” is, in fact, where a certain THREE TROUBLE-PRONE DISASTERS ARE CURRENTLY HOLED UP. AHHH

can it really be true. are we finally rejoining our protagonist and his buddy cop friends after 97 years. how will everyone react to Deku reacting to Tomura waking up ahhhh

so Burnin’ is yelling at the civilians to let them know if they have any family or friends who need assistance evacuating

god I hate the fact that this is a fucking understatement

they’re not taking any chances after Kamino and Fukuoka huh. fool them once, shame on you. fool them twice, oh shit. but there will not be a third time! no one fucking destroys three cities in the span of six months on their watch, no sirree

(ETA: ...)

lol the kids are trying to get the elderly citizens on a bus to evacuate, but a lady is trying to give them candy and Kacchan and Ochako are of two different minds on whether or not to accept

Kacchan is absolutely right about Ochako’s motivations, but in her defense, who the fuck turns down free chocolate

IIDA!!

FUCKING CHRIST JAPAN IT’S 200 YEARS IN THE FUTURE AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T SWITCHED TO DIGITAL RECORD-KEEPING? WHY IS THIS THE MOST REALISTIC THING IN THE ENTIRE MANGA TO DATE. MY GOOD SIR, IIDA IS LYING THROUGH HIS TEETH, ALL RECORDS AND BUILDINGS ABSOLUTELY CAN AND WILL BE COMPLETELY OBLITERATED IN THE CARNAGE TO COME. I’M SORRY TO BE THE ONE TO INFORM YOU OF THIS, BUT DAMN IT SOMEONE HAS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

(ETA: I sure hope these poor bastards had good insurance.)

also. this man here who looks like Beaker from the Muppets, who presumably has the power of Doing Anything Those Wacky Flailing Inflatable Tube Men That You See Outside Of Car Dealerships Can Do. ...yes. that’s it. that’s an intentionally incomplete sentence with a subject but no predicate. I just feel like we should all sit and stare at him for a good thirty more seconds before continuing on with our lives

OH MY GOD

THEY’RE EVACUATING THE PETS TOO AHHHH. EXCUSE ME CERTAIN SOMEONES WHO THINK ALL HEROES ARE “DIRTY.” I SEE YOUR ARGUMENTS AND RAISE YOU THIS ONE SINGLE PANEL. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. NOW WHAT DABI. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS I SEE. YOU JUST SIT AND PONDER THAT FOR A WHILE

is... this... a space shuttle man

is this literally just a man with a Boeing for a head. FUCKING QUIRKS THOUGH!!!!! ~*~wild~*~

OH MY GOD AND WE’RE BACK

time for some HORCRUX SHENANIGANS!! IS YOUR LIGHTNING BOLT SCAR BURNING DEKU. I CAN’T BELIEVE HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED IS BACK AHHHH

so now he’s slightly hunching forward with his hands pressed together and Todoroki is immediately sensing that something is wrong ahhhhh

(ETA from like 5 days later: I had that as “Tokoyami” instead of “Todoroki” for the better part of a solid week you guys. SHOUTO YOU WERE GONE FOR SO LONG I FORGOT YOUR FUCKING NAME whoop.)

here come dat angst. here comes Horikoshi’s hand beckoning the trio closer and welcoming them to the pain parade ahhh. from now on that’s how I’m ending all my sentences btw. it just seems right. ahhh

OH MY LORD OH MY

ladies and gentlemen, YOU WERE SAYING DEKU DIDN’T HAVE ENOUGH CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT LATELY? HE’S NOT INTERESTING ENOUGH AS A PROTAGONIST, IS HE? well maybe that’s because Horikoshi has been saving this one juiciest of plot nuggets for a rainy day precisely like this! BRING ON THAT CHOSEN ONE ANGST AHHHHH

anyway so yes it is indeed OFA speaking to him in the form of Lil Bro a.k.a. the first user

lol I’m trying to think of commentary but it’s difficult seeing as I’M ALREADY SCROLLING DOWN TO IMPATIENTLY READ THE NEXT PAGE

lmao the fuck

okay Princess Zelda. can you get any more flowery with those descriptions though. A TRANSCENDENT BEING. A SUPERLATIVE ENTITY. A SUBLIME, PREEMINENT ORGANISM. FREED FROM ITS SHACKLES. UNFETTERED BY ALL EARTHLY LIMITATIONS

OH MY GOD

it absolutely boggles my mind that this guy is somehow still alive. ??! how many chapters and panels has it been now. he’s like the goat in the t-rex pen in fucking Jurassic Park. WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO GET EATEN ALREADY

...

do you... want a blanket. ...?

(ETA: do you ever just. wake up and you’re like “ah shit it’s cold”, and then you destroy an entire city. mm.)

do you all suppose X-Less is fully aware that he’s about to die though? he hasn’t even moved. I imagine that sitting next to Tomura actually is much like sitting next to a giant t-rex. like he has to know there is no getting out of this alive. poor guy

damn Mic isn’t even looking back he’s just running back into the main room where all the rest of them are

wow this fight is still going on

I don’t know why, I just expected it to all magically be over all of a sudden now that we have bigger things to worry about. do you guys remember when we were all worried about the High End Noumus being the biggest threat. hahahahaha

(ETA: moment of silence for ALL OF THE FUCKING HIGH ENDS lmao. that did not go how I expected that plotline to go AT ALL, but at least we got the best fucking battle in the entire manga out of it.)

jesus CHRIST ENOUGH WITH THIS

WE GET IT TOMURA IS DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND EVIL AND AWAKE!!! JUST PLEASE GET TO IT ALREADY GOD I’M BEGGING YOU

FINALLY

goddammit. my reaction to this should have been much more “!!!” and “OH SHIT”, but he dragged it out so much that my initial reaction was one more of relief than horror. maybe it’s because of the way I read the chapters, constantly pausing to do commentary as I go along, but whenever a chapter has a ton of panels of people just staring into the distance awash with dread, it really stands out to me lol. there’s only so much I can write about that kind of thing. ah well at least we’re finally getting to the action

I genuinely can’t tell if Ujiko is frightened that he’s about to be disintegrated by Tomura’s quirk, or excited that Tomura is awake

maybe both lol. well don’t worry you’re not gonna die that easily, much as you would not catch me complaining if you did

thanks Gran

lol where was all this speed throughout the rest of this arc though. “we’re only competent when the plot necessitates it” huh. is that right

oh shit it’s destroying the rest of the lab

those are all of Ujiko’s collected quirks, right? someone please tell me if this is a good or a bad thing. on the one hand if they’re all destroyed it means Tomura can’t get them and Ujiko can’t make any more Noumus. but on the other hand this means they won’t ever be able to give them back to the original users (if any of them are even still alive). and also that’s a lot of evidence that’s being wiped out as well

oh shit they didn’t know about this?!

even after Deika City, you didn’t put two and two together?? even with all of Hawk’s intel?? what the hell did you think happened there?

well this explains why everyone was so la-dee-da-no-rush about capturing him though. well that’s on you guys. next time maybe don’t waste 20 minutes uselessly battling redshirt Noumus while Mirko has to do everything herself

anyway so I feel like people other than X-Less are almost certainly going to die here, and fuck. I’m not ready for any of this

AHH THE KIDS

BIT SLOW ON THE UPTAKE THERE KACCHAN LOL. FOR A MOMENT YOU HAD ME WORRIED THERE WAS SOMEHOW A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THREAT APPROACHING FROM THE OTHER SIDE, BEFORE YOU TURNED AROUND TO LOOK WHERE THE OTHERS WERE LOOKING

ALSO JUST A FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT SHOUTO’S DAD IS IN THAT HOSPITAL, ALONG WITH THEIR TEACHER! HERE. COME. DAT. ANGST

LOOK AT THIS CONSPICUOUSLY INTACT BUILDING AS IT STANDS THERE ALL OMINOUSLY WITH THE NEARBY BIRDS AND CRITTERS FRANTICALLY FLYING AWAY

I want to see it crumble so bad. now this is the kind of foreboding cinematic disaster movie bullshit I can get into

FFFF WHY IS THIS PANEL SO HARD TO SEE

THERE’S TOO MUCH CHAOS AND TOO MANY PEOPLE LOST AMIDST ALL THESE SHATTERING AND FALLING TUBES, BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS SAFE AHHH

...okay so I see Ryuukyuu in the top right, and I think that’s RockLockRock on her back. Thirteen is clearly there in the bottom center, but I don’t know who that is next to them. and then of course Gran and Mic on the left. and a bunch of others spread out in various other places, but... where the hell is Aizawa??

OH THANK GOD

FUCK YOU HORIKOSHI, I KNOW FULL WELL YOU’RE NOT JUST GOING TO KILL OFF THE WORLD’S PREEMINENT DAD STRAIGHT UP OUT OF THE BLUE HERE, AND YET I STILL FELT ANXIETY AT THIS LAST PANEL. HOW DID YOU EVEN

BITCH YOU BETTER LET THE FUCK GO BEFORE I --

!!!

oh my god I gasped in real life. stop making me fear for the lives of main characters!!

he. he --. crust. he. ...

I literally stopped reading and had to stop and cover my mouth with both of my hands I’m

silence. no screaming. no flailing. no freaking out. just silence

shit. rest in peace you old sedimentary bastard. respect to you for saving the father of my children in your last fleeting moments. I still have not the slightest idea how you rose through the ranks to somehow become the sixth fucking highest rated hero (HERO BILLBOARD CHART, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT. ARE YOU FEELING OKAY), but you sure did go out with style though

also this may be tacky of me to point out during such an emotionally charged moment, but one second Aizawa is wearing his goggles like normal, and the next they’re suddenly pushed up onto his forehead so we can see the anguish in his bloodshot eyes. there was no reason to do that other than angst and we all know it. so yes Shouta you dramatic bitch, I am calling you out. why Horikoshi felt he had to add to your many accumulated traumas is beyond me. you don’t deserve this and I am so, so sorry

OH GOOD I WAS JUST ABOUT TO ASK WHERE THE FUCK ENDEAVOR WAS

seeing as we just went over this with Gran, I will take the high road here and won’t ask why you’re only this fast now and couldn’t have been this useful this ages ago back before Tomura woke up. oh wait does sarcastically saying I won’t bring it up count as bringing it up. well whatever. middle road, then

sob I’m getting flashbacks to the end of Return of the Jedi when they’re all frantically flying out of the Death Star as it explodes

friendly reminder that Ryuukyuu, clearly the fastest one here despite carrying like 20 people, was number 10 in the rankings for some unknown reason. again, r.i.p. Crust you well-meaning geriatric soul

also just a stray thought, I hope it’s clear now why it was so important to give Deku those additional quirks. at a minimum he needs Blackwhip and Float just so he doesn’t instantly die the moment he’s in Tomura’s general vicinity. sob I’ve joked so much about flying quirks and here they are becoming fucking prerequisites now

anyway so Ujiko is mourning the loss of his lab, which again, good riddance mostly. but r.i.p. that evidence though

(ETA: nah the “total loss” part is referring to how the heroes fucked up so soundly and thoroughly. anyway no one would blame Mic if he accidentally dropped Ujiko in the midst of all this chaos, I’m just saying. I guess they need any intel he could still provide now more than ever though.)

OH MY GOD!!

LAUNDRY HERO WASH?! THIS SUDSY BOI CAN ACTUALLY KICK ASS WHAAAAT

oh my god oh my god it’s still spreading??!

fuck fuck fuck at this rate it’ll reach the kids

(ETA: that happened really fast actually.)

-- oh FUCK NO you had better NOT FUCKING TOUCH FUCKING PIXIE BOB, I WILL MAIL MYSELF TO JAPAN PANDEMIC OR NO PANDEMIC. DO YOU NOT SEE THE SIGN THAT SAYS “OFF-LIMITS.” RESPECT THE SIGN

SOB SHE’S SO BADASS BUT IT LOOKS LIKE IT’S STILL DISINTEGRATING FUCCCCCK. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK EVERYTHING

AHHHHH

I can’t tell if her earthbending was able to stop it or not?? god help us all if it didn’t, I’m not even sure what else could stop it at this point

SHUT UP UJIKO!!

they really did. only to fuck it up completely at the finish line. well, the man most singularly responsible for it is dead now, again r.i.p. Crust you useless old legend

lmao despite myself

“by a miracle, or maybe through sheer will” even he acknowledges that Tomura waking up was basically complete bullshit. yes blah blah yadda yadda got zapped by some exposed wires explanation science. because we all know that getting electrocuted will fix you right up when your heart has stopped and you have completely flatlined. you can definitely trust Horikoshi on this and there’s absolutely no need to google how defibrillators actually work

also is he somehow wearing a cape now. again by a miracle or maybe through sheer will

YESSSSSSS

(ETA: one has to wonder what Ujiko’s plan was, assuming this scheme had actually played out. were they just banking on Tomura not waking up cranky and disoriented and wanting to test out his power. his quirk doesn’t exactly distinguish friend from foe here I’m just saying.)

the part of me that goes all “ooh ahh” when all the buildings explode in Independence Day is singing inside. but never fear, the rest of me is appropriately horrified though. what was that Burnin’ was saying about the city becoming a large-scale battle zone? sob

also this page sure serves as a nice refresher for exactly why Tomura Waking Up Was Bad, which was inexplicably a topic of some debate in recent weeks. yes in spite of everything the villains are still the bad guys who’d have thought. almost as if the purpose of humanizing a character is to show that they’re human, not that they’re right

WHAT’S THIS NOW???

WELL I’LL BE. IT’S BEEN AN EVENTFUL THREE MONTHS, APPARENTLY!??

HOOAHHHHHHHH

IT’S A BIRD IT’S A PLANE IT’S A BADASS OH SHIIIIITTTTTT

finally finally finally!!!!!!

THE SHIT HAS HIT THE FAN, REPEAT, THE SHIT HAS HIT THE PROVERBIAL FAN. THE PLOT IS FINALLY HAPPENING, REPEAT, THE PLOT IS FINALLY FUCKING HAPPENING AHHHHHH

and there is no one coming to save them this time. no one to arrive at the last second and say “it’s all right now because I am here.” they have to save themselves. they have to save everyone. the training wheels are finally coming off. the safety net has been removed. after 272 chapters, the story has finally reached a point where these kids, these children, who in spite of all they’ve been through have been protected and shielded from the worst of it up till now, will finally have to be the ones to save the day all on their own

and they are not ready. but also maybe they kind of are??! but they definitely are not. and oh god oh god oh god, FINALLY WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS. TIME TO FIX THE MESS THOSE SILLY GROWN-UPS MADE, CHILDREN. YOU GOT THIS

#bnha 272 #shigaraki tomura #midoriya izuku #aizawa shouta #ujiko daruma #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #makeste reads bnha #if the next few chapters don't feature some kind of avengers-style epic team up pose I will sue #what has this all even been building up to if not that #remember that the kids are not allowed to die though horikoshi #remember what we agreed upon #you remember right #right #horikoshi???

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natromanxoff · 4 years ago

Text

Queen live at Capital Centre in Landover, MD, USA - November 29, 1977

(x)

A fan filmed the first couple minutes of the show on a silent Super 8 camera, but he was caught by a security guard and the film was confiscated.

Another fan recalls the band took a 30 minute break in the middle of the show, and started the second half of the show with Tie Your Mother Down. He also says they performed both Spread Your Wings and It's Late.

Here is a review of the show from the next day's Washington Post. It reveals that the band have swapped Keep Yourself Alive with Now I'm Here. The former now follows Bohemian Rhapsody in the setlist, as it had earlier in the year.

There is a great story on Brian May's website by Tracy Chevalier, who attended the show as a youngster:

It started with a champagne toast and ended with a limo pulling away into the night. In between these two gestures symbolising glamour and sophistication, I lost my virginity. Not in the technical sense (that would take another few years), but in other ways. At my first ever rock concert — going with four friends to see Queen at the Capital Centre in November 1977 — I got an eye-opening peek at elements of the adult world, with its power and its limitations, its glittering artifice and dirty reality, and it demonstrated how little I knew and how much I had yet to learn about life.

I was ripe for it; overdue, really. I had turned 15 the month before the concert, and though people thought I looked older than I was, I was remarkably naive and unworldly at that age. Despite a few character-building events in my childhood — the death of my mother when I was almost 8, the experience of being a minority in DC public schools — I was so unsophisticated, so unaware of the world, that I didn’t even realise Queen was an English band until the lead singer Freddie Mercury appeared in a tight white catsuit on stage at the Capital Centre, raised a glass of champagne at 18,000 screaming fans, and toasted us with “Good evening, Washington” in a fruity English accent. I was stunned. Then I started screaming.

I had been a Queen fan for a couple of years by then. A Night at the Opera was the first LP I bought, and I could sing every word of every song. I don’t remember how I was introduced to Queen — though I do remember hearing their biggest hit, Bohemian Rhapsody, on the radio and being impressed by its audacity. It sure beat the hell out of the Beatles, Bob Dylan and Neil Young, which had been my older sister’s staple music diet. By 14, I was writing Queen lyrics on the desk where I sat for algebra class, swapping them back and forth with a boy I had a crush on, and daydreaming of guitarist Brian May kissing me.

The concert was part of Queen’s News of the World tour. While not a great album, especially after the double whammy of A Night at the Opera and its follow-up, A Day at the Races, it did produce two of their best-known songs, We Will Rock You and We are the Champions, which drop-kicked them firmly into stadium anthem territory. Appropriately, the concert began with the lights going down and the primitive, effective, impossible-not-to-join-in-with BOOM- BOOM-CHI, BOOM-BOOM-CHI, BOOM-BOOM-CHI intro to We Will Rock You rolling over the audience. Everyone immediately jumped up out of their seats and began to stomp and clap along. I, too, stood and stomped and clapped, watching in awe as people began flicking their Bic lighters, a gesture I had never seen before. What, were they going to set light to something? I had tried not to act surprised earlier when people nearby started smoking grass in public, but now was there going to be a riot? What other illegal things would go on that night? Then a spotlight picked out Freddie Mercury, who began to sing, “Buddy you’re a boy, make a big noise, playin’ in the street, gonna be a big man someday . . .” and I thought, “Jesus H. Christ, that is the loudest noise I’ve ever heard! Is that legal?” The wall of sound terrified me, and I wanted to cover my ears, but I didn’t dare, as it would have been a very uncool thing to do. I think I looked around for the exit, wondering how many people I would have to climb over to escape the sound. It was just so goddamned loud — exhilarating, yes, but painful, too, dangerous and overwhelming. I wavered between loving it and hating it, but knew it would be uncool to hate it, so I’d better try to love it.

Towards the end of the song the single note of an electric guitar began to hum louder and louder under the chorus we were all singing and shouting, and Brian May stepped into the light to add his distinctive sound, ending We Will Rock You with low, long-sustain, three-part harmony chords, overlaid with a high melody he made fuzzy and metallic by using a coin as a guitar pick. I adored Brian May. He was the reserved, straight guy (literally) to Freddie Mercury’s camp high jinks — tall, dark, good-looking, with long curly hair and a melancholy pensiveness that made every teenage girl want to comfort him. At this concert he was wearing a silvery white jacket with long, pleated wing sleeves; that combined with his mop of curls should have made him look effeminate, but instead he was deeply sexy.

I loved Freddie, too, for his outrageous antics, his riskiness, his joy at performing and glorious indifference to how ridiculous he looked wearing glittery leotard jumpsuits, eyeliner and a mullet, prancing and strutting and posing, twitching his hips, smacking his lips and otherwise hamming it up. But even without being conscious of Freddie’s sexual preference — I hadn’t yet met anyone who was openly gay — I instinctively sensed he was not to be lusted after. For all his extrovert, welcoming stage presence, he was clearly playing a part, which served to hold us at arm’s length; whereas Brian May’s taciturn moodiness was clearly himself served up raw.

Thank God for Freddie, though. Without him, no one would have moved on stage: Brian May was not a dancer, John Deacon, in time-honoured bassist tradition, stood solidly in one place throughout, and Roger Taylor was trapped by his drum kit.

To set us at our ease, after We Will Rock You Freddie toasted us with a glass of champagne — “Moët et Chandon, of course,” after the reference in the hit Killer Queen. My friends and I heard this and screamed and clutched one another. He mentioned Moët et Chandon! That was our champagne! He was acknowledging us! I swear he made eye contact with me, 200 yards away and over the heads of thousands.

For we had done what we thought was the most original and extravagant gesture (for 15-year-olds) a fan could make: we had sent a bottle of champagne backstage. We’d pooled our money and gotten an older sister to buy it for us — the same sister who had been obliged to drive us all the way to the Capital Centre, smirking at our overexcited fandom. We’d even made our way to the stage door down a loading dock at the back of the arena and reluctantly handed over the precious bottle to a bored roadie, who said he would take it to the band. We’d had our doubts about his reliability, and his jadedness had dampened our enthusiasm a bit: had we really blown all that money — $20, which in those days meant 20 hours of babysitting — to have some unshaven jerk with a beer belly swill the precious liquid? But clearly the roadie had pulled through for us, for there was our champagne in Freddie Mercury’s hand, and he was referring to Moët et Chandon in his pretty cabinet, the lyrics we had so cleverly quoted in the note we sent along with the bottle. We were sure we — among the many thousands — had managed to get through to the band.

If we had bothered to look around rather than feast our eyes on Brian and Freddie (I’m afraid John Deacon and Roger Taylor never got a look-in from me), we probably would have seen other clusters of fans also screaming and clutching one another during Freddie’s toast. But we didn’t look around or harbour doubts, or we ignored them. It was only much later that I allowed myself to consider the veritable champagne lake that must have existed backstage at every Queen concert. Tip to rock stars: want a free truckload of champagne wherever you go? Sing a song that mentions some — preferably name-checking a more expensive brand to ensure better quality — and watch it pour in backstage every night from adoring fans. There must have been a hundred bottles from fans back there, not counting the stash the band may well have brought with them in case Portland or Houston or Detroit weren’t so generous. No wonder that roadie looked so bored — he’d probably been put on champagne duty that night.

Freddie’s toast worked its magic, though, giving me the connection I needed to negotiate a place within the strangeness of the concertgoing experience itself: the weird, scary power of a crowd; the mixture of exhilaration and embarrassment at collective participation; the physical discomfort of standing for two hours when there’s a perfectly comfortable seat behind you. It is one of those tricky, unresolved tensions at concerts: are we there to listen to the music or actively respond to it, participate as a group or answer our needs as individuals? It’s an issue I’ve never entirely resolved — from Queen onwards I have spent concerts going in and out of myself, losing myself to the music and spectacle one minute, the next minute overly conscious of myself clapping or singing or screaming, and wondering why concerts have to be such an uncomfortable physical ordeal.

I was taken aback by the sound of Queen’s music live: not just the volume, but the familiarity and also the strange rawness of the songs. Studio albums have all the mistakes airbrushed out, the layers added in, the balance between players carefully calibrated, like clever dialogue in a play without the awkward pauses and unfinished conversations you get in real life. Queen albums were highly produced, multi-layered affairs. Live, the music was necessarily stripped of a lot of the choral mixing, more raucous, simpler and much messier.

The band wisely didn’t dare attempt to reproduce in its entirety the long, baroque confection that is Bohemian Rhapsody. For the infamous operatic middle section, the band members left the stage as the studio recording played. Freddie and Brian then changed costume, and, at the word “Beelzebub”, all four men popped out of a door in the stage floor and joined live again for the heavy metal section, fireworks going off, dry ice pouring out, everyone going berserk, me in tears of excitement. It was one of the best live moments I’ve ever witnessed. Indeed, I was spoiled by seeing Queen play live before anyone else; for sheer exuberant theatricality, no one else has come close.

The concert ended with an instrumental version of God Save the Queen and once more the flicking of the Bics, which, no longer the virgin concertgoer, I understood now as a gesture of tribute. My friends and I weren’t finished, though. Emboldened by Freddie’s toast, we decided to go to the stage entrance again and say hello. I still choke with embarrassment when I think of it. When we got there, a black limousine was pulling away, our heroes and their entourage inside, and we were left with the detritus: older, dolled-up, hard-bitten groupies who had followed the band around and not made this night’s cut. I stared at one, at her long, bleach-blond hair, her miniskirt, her bright red lipstick. She glared at me briefly; then her face went slack as she dismissed the idea of me being any sort of competition. In fact, I had not really taken in that there was a competition, that the girls (and I?) were here to spread our wares and catch the attention of one of the men, and then . . . And then? I hadn’t thought it through at all. I wouldn’t have known what to do with such a man as Brian May if he even so much as looked at me. All I knew was that I was way, way out of my depth, that even if I had eluded the roadie minding the door, there was no way I was ever going to get past a woman like this.

The contrast between the sparkling theatricality of the concert and the gritty reality of the backstage, with its dirty concrete, anonymous faces and unfulfilled dreams turned my stomach, and almost ruined the night. I wished I hadn’t seen it, because it reminded me that the show was a fantasy, while it was my aching feet and the roadies’ boredom and the groupies’ hard desperation that constituted real life. As I stood watching the limo pull away and the unsexy women stand about, licking their wounds, looking for a ride to the next city and another chance, I felt as if a door had been kicked open a crack on to a world I knew nothing about: the seamy underbelly of the concertgoing experience, a mix of sex and power and exploitation, of cigarettes and poorly applied make-up and long, cold nights waiting to be noticed and defining yourself by someone else’s attention. If that was grown-up life, I didn’t want to know about it. I wanted the champagne toast, but not the limo. Not yet.

Fan Stories

“I had just turned 16 a few weeks earlier. I was absolutely 100% in love with Queen (since age 13 when first hearing Killer Queen on the radio) and therefore could hardly believe my sister's friend, who worked with her at the Roy Rogers restaurant at the mall, who said she knew Freddie Mercury's girlfriend, Mary, and that she was going to get a backstage pass and would try to get one for us as well. Well, just before the concert she met my sister at a pre-arranged point (inside the venue) and said that she was unable to get us the backstage passes. You can imagine my disappointment and my thinking at this point that this girl was not telling the truth about knowing Freddie's girlfriend (it seemed too good to be true to me to begin with). Then after the concert, which was great of course, we were depressed (my sister and I - but especially me) at not getting to meet them, so we decided to wait for their limo to come out of the underground parking area at the Capital Centre. When it emerged we got so excited we decided to sprint to our big blue station wagon and follow them. With my learner's permit only, I followed them at probably over 80 miles per hour - I remember it being the fastest I had ever driven but I was determined not to lose them - to a restaurant somewhere in DC. At that age, I didn't have my bearings around the city. We didn't want to freak them out so I think we just watched them go inside from our car. Then we ended up waiting outside in the cold air for I think around 2 hours - anyway - enough to turn my nose red and make my lips and toes numb. We weren't allowed in the restaurant - and there was a bouncer from Liverpool out front that prevented us from even going in the lobby to warm up. At one point Roger came down the stairs into the lobby and I smiled at him and he smiled back and started over to the door - but was stopped by another man who grabbed his arm. So then he just continued downstairs to the bathroom, and ignored us when he went back up the stairs. When they finally emerged from the restaurant, I was frozen in more ways than just the temp. Brian said, "It's a bit cold out here". One of them (I don't know who because I think I was in shock) said, "So, were you at the concert?" And we said yes. My friend who was hardly a Queen fan grabbed the attention for herself by shouting "That was the best concert I've ever seen!" or some such thing. I was so embarrassed not being able to think of anything to say in my stunned condition. Freddie looked at me briefly then looked over at my sister. He nodded at my sister but he never stopped walking to the limo. Brian walked over to me and said something like, "Did you enjoy the concert?" and I think I mumbled something like, "Yes. It was fantastic." Then all I could think to say was "Can I have your autograph?" He said "Sure" and ended up giving me the autograph and his pen. So I had to tap him on the arm to get his attention to give him his pen back. "Here's your pen." Can you imagine - here I am meeting my idols and all I can say is this? This all happened within about 20 or 30 seconds it seemed, and they all got into the limo quickly - they seemed pretty tired. I can't remember if they had one or two limos. All four of the members were there and I think a couple of other men - probably manager and driver(s). Freddie didn't say anything, just acknowledged us without a smile and got into the limo. John did the same. I remember thinking Brian was pretty tall. I stood very close to him. I am almost 5 foot 9 and he towered above me it seemed. Of course the hair probably added several inches! The best part of the story I guess is that my sister's friend, the one who knew Mary, said that when the band got back to the hotel they said there were some "nice working girls" waiting outside the restaurant. I guess they thought we were older - we were only 16 and 17 and still in high school of course. We were dressed very conservatively and with long coats.

My sister's co-worker said that she was good friends with Mary, because their families had been neighbors, and so was happy to get to visit with her. Also she said she thought that Freddie was the nicest member of the group, but very shy.” - Donna13

#queen #queen band #roger taylor #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #queen concerts

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goldenpinof · 5 years ago

Text

so basically here’s a script of “Basically I’m gay” by Daniel Howell, if someone needs it

link to a google doc

Hello Internet.

«Sex! Secrecy! And a whole lot of internal screaming. Starring Daniel Howell. One of the greatest mysteries of our generation. What is Dan’s sexuality?»

Spoiler alert. I’m not straight. Sex, the foundation of life and the only thing we’re really supposed to do. Everyone’s obsessed with it. You bunch of degenerates. In the list of things that identify a person, one of the most important for other people to know is their sexuality. For, if sex is the primal force propelling all of these humans forward by their hips, they have to know. Are we gonna fuck? Or like could we? Or are you, ‘cause I’m just wondering. Now, we live in a heteronormative world, which is a long scary word that makes people feel attacked for some reason. Shh it’s okay.

What it means is people are presumed to be straight. If you’re not, then at some point, you have to “come out”, which is a whole thing. Or people might just try and guess based on something you do or the way you act, because yay stereotypes. So this is something you have to be clear on, because if you’re not, how are all these other people that aren’t you going to cope? But I’m pretty sure no one that knows me thinks I’m straight. So I don’t really need to come out as much as just clarify what the hell is going on. As here I am at age 27 and my sexual preference is seemingly still a vague, debatable, confusing, impenetrable mystery. But why? And what is it? Well, those are some big questions. Are you sure you wanna know my answers?

[YES]

Okay, well, if you say so 'cause this is a complicated and sensitive issue and when it comes to me, boy, there is a lot to unpack here and it is a total clusterfuck. So strap yourselves in and let me tell you a queer little story about a boy named Dan.

Chapter 1 – The Word

♪ When I was a young boy ♪

♪ My father ♪

Didn’t have much time for me because my conception was clearly an accident and he was a narcissistic proud man suddenly inconvenienced in the prime of his life and this emotional neglect gave me lasting problems.

Sorry that’s not all relevant right now.

I was an only child for seven years and with working parents. This meant I had to make my own fun so I was imaginative and loud which is something that my teachers used to say quite a lot followed by, “However.” Here I am age five. Look at me. Cute, poised, sassy, turning out this photo shoot like sorry, Grandma, I stunted on this set. Are you seeing this? In almost every way, I literally peaked age five. I loved being the center of attention. People said I had an infectious happiness, that my beaming smile brought them hope and joy. People that know me are laughing right now. But a boy, in the '90s being happy and generally polite acting? Sounds kinda GAY if you ask me. Literally, masculinity was so fragile, people were so proud and scared and society so aggressive that a boy smiling!?.. appearing to be empathetic or in any way emoting was seen as a threat. How dare they laugh and feel comfortable? They must be soft and weak and girly and GAY. So basically thanks, Grandma, for raising me to be a nice child, you dick. Just kidding. That’s a joke and I told you not to watch this video because it would be rude so if you send me a disappointed text telling me you’re offended, I don’t know what to tell you. Although, now I think about it, you did make me go to church for 10 years, which in hindsight probably also didn’t help ♪ Hallelujah ♪ the issue here so. But then it was time for little Dan to go to school and this is when it

♪ All went wrong ♪

'Cause it turns out most children, evil pieces of shit. Doesn’t matter if you try to raise a happy innocent child, throw that kid into school, aka, a literal Mad Max Battle Royale with the feral offspring of your local community. Yeah, that crap’ll be undone in about two weeks. I was six years old running around the playground pretending to be Sonic the Hedgehog or something when two brothers come up to me aged seven and eight with an unexplained aggressive look in their eye. And the younger one pushes me to the ground, kicks me in the stomach, and just says, “GAY.”

This was the first time I ever heard that word. Well, I don’t know what the heck gay means but apparently it means people kick you on the floor so that ain’t good. I didn’t know this child or give them any cause to have an opinion on me. And, actually, I never directly interacted with them again. What epic clustershit of failed parenting and general culture brought this tiny child to get angry and attack someone, then call them gay for looking like they were having fun outside. Are you okay, 1990s? And so my relationship with sexuality began.

I wasn’t looking to define myself as a child indiscriminately playing doctors and nurses with various friends until once somebody’s mum walked into a room to find three fully naked children sat on a bed sticking sellotape to each other’s butts. Yep, which I don’t recommend. Also, Jesus Christ, the poor woman that saw that. Then you get to the magic age around 10 or 11 where everybody suddenly wants to pretend they’re totally a “cool teenager” who’s doing all the drugs and the sex and the fights, totally. Boy, gay was a really popular word back then.

[[Boy] Uh, homework is gay. [Girl] Uh, my mum’s so gay. [Boy] Uh, you touched a girl, gay.]

This one little shit who I won’t name was one of the school bullies and he loved the word gay. He had it in for me and I have no idea why. You know me, Mr. Winnie the Pooh Meets Slender Man. Well, when I was 10 just Winnie the Pooh. I didn’t do nothin’ to no one ever and yet this guy used my pacifism as a punching bag where any group situation was an excuse to single me out call me gay for some reason and then make everyone else exclude me because they were scared of him. I had a girlfriend. We dated for six whole weeks. We kissed in a game of spin the bottle once by literally sucking on each other’s faces. Then she ended dumping me over speakerphone at a birthday party that everyone in my class but me was invited to but, hey. I don’t know what I was doing wrong, but at this age, I understood one thing. Being gay, whatever that meant, was clearly the worst thing you could be. On a Darwinian level, I was being told, okay bitch, “Survival Code”. Don’t be this apparently. Evolution. Plot twist, this bully I think he was a bit gay because once he asked me to have a sleepover at his house and I thought was me finally getting socially accepted only for him in the middle of the night to come up and ask me, “So who’s going to be the boy and the girl?” I was an innocent smol bean who didn’t really understand what he meant because, to be honest, I didn’t actually understand get how babies were made yet. But needless to say I think he was disappointed. Wow, closeted child turns into homophobic bully. Thanks again society. But this whole primary school journey was really just an amuse-bouche for the full six-course tasting menu of suffering that would be secondary school.

I went to an all-boys school. It was a literal hellscape. I thought it was hard making it through a school of 200 kids with two or three bullies. Try over a thousand where a clean 800 are fully psychopathic gorillas fueled by testosterone, Red Bull, and Eminem albums. Making sure that the word f- no longer means an innocent bundle of sticks or a cigarette anymore in the British lexicon. Nope, now it was a cool homophobic slur along with gay, gaylord, gayboy, puff, pufter, ponce, batty, batty boy, bum-boy, bender. Shit, this is so long. People have a lot of words for something they don’t wanna think about. Look at me in this stupid blazer. Oh, “you’ll grow into it at some point in the next four years”. Thanks, Mum. Day one, kid in form class, some stupid hedgehog-looking motherfucker side eyes me and says, “What you lookin at, puff?” First interaction at a new school. Great! My entire existence on a daily basis then becomes navigating this school like I’m in the bloody “Maze Runner” trying to avoid aggressive pricks with chode ties. And you know being verbally abused for being a nerd or a Greebo at least felt relevant to me at the time. Greebo, definitely one of my faves there and I’m sure that Korn and Slipknot would have been proud to have 12-year-old me as a fan. I kinda knew who I was in the hierarchy at that point. I was essentially a theater kid who spent all of his free time playing Runescape on the AOL browser on his mum’s PC instead of football. I accepted it. But at least I wasn’t actually this “gay thing” people kept throwing around because by now I understood a gay is a boy who fancies other boys. And to be honest I don’t really feel like I’ve ever fancied anyone before.

Then puberty happened.

Oh yeah, this is fun, tingly feelings, I smell bad. It was quite fun dribbling on this girl’s face playing Truth or Dare, maybe later we’ll go behind that bike sheds and, there I was sat in English class, my friend next to me. I watched as he delicately removes a pencil from its case. We briefly make eye contact as he flutters his long black eyelashes with a blink before staring forward. His eyes are so bright and beautiful yet they seem so sad and deep with emotion. I wish I could just understand. Oh fuck, I think I’m a bit gay. You’re telling me this whole time I actually have been the bad thing that people keep calling me? Shit!

Chapter 2 – Feelings

Oh do you hear it that faint hum, something coming from a deep, dark place too powerful to control? It’s the self-hatred. She is here and she’s only getting started. Short version, I fall hopelessly in love with a friend of mine who doesn’t feel the same way which crushes me into a million tiny pieces and years later actually it turns out he was gay the whole time. He just really specifically didn’t like me. [Double kill.] Here I am, 13, crying to evanescence alone in my bedroom feeling like there’s no point in really being alive as I’m clearly a faulty outcast person that has no place in the world. I stopped going to church with my grandma because I felt like I wasn’t really supposed to be there. Also, by this age, the whole Christianity thing didn’t really make much sense to me. And the adult services were dry AF compared to coloring in a picture of Jesus’s face at Sunday school. So other than the free tea and biscuits they gave away after the sermon, religion didn’t really have much to offer me. Damn, there was some good biscuits though. I miss that. But wait! All is not lost yet. Do you see that? A triumphant, rallying cry of guitars, stripey hoodies, and black hair dye. Emo had arrived! I swear to God, emo is one of the best things that happened to pop culture in the last 20 years. As well as inventing eyeliner and skinny jeans, a new word hit the theater, nerd, goth, band, kid corner that would change my world forever.

Bisexual. You can be normal and gay at the same time and some people think it’s cool? Well, slap a long fingerless glove on my arm and sign me up to Myspace 'cause Mum, I’m bi. It was a good term 'cause it was a catchall for anyone who felt sexually confused or curious that didn’t want to commit to something stronger which is very me. Big commitment issues. Thanks, fam. To be clear, regardless of whatever the 2006 teenagers thoughts and feelings were, being bi is valid and should not be excused away or erased by anyone. Thank you.

From this moment, I was a loud and proud raving bi to my close friends and the strangers on the internet who saw my clearly-labeled sexual preference on my Myspace page. And the emo friends I made at this time were awesome. We just used to hang and make out with each other and listen to music and drink bottles of Smirnoff Ice until we were sick on each other with no judgment. The judgment came several years later looking back at the photos that you can’t delete. So I didn’t need to tell my family or people at school anything. But the thing is with a Myspace page, anyone with an internet connection can read it. And so the rumors started spreading through my neighborhood that Dan Howell was in fact a bisexual. I had a friend in French class who one day, totally unprompted, just turned to me and said, “Hmm, yeah, I thought so. You give off a bi-vibe.” A bi-vi-, what the fuck is a bi-vibe? Great, yeah, nothing to make a 15-year-old feel self-conscious about his behavior like being told he emanates a bisexual aura. What am I supposed to do with that? Sorry that I give off mixed signals. I’m versatile. Turns out it was actually a social upgrade from being called gay all the time 'cause bisexual was a new word that only referred to sexuality so people actually had to decide how they felt about the fact I was attracted to boys. As opposed to gay which as we all understand is synonymous with bad and also implies a general threat, plague, curse/evil force that simply must be destroyed. People at school were actually almost nice to me with curiosity about it and a few of the boys that previously loved to just generically call me gay while throwing a compasses at me or something, now started to low-key flirt with me and some stuff happened. Go figure.

But then I entered the dark ages and no I’m not talking about my hair because I was never actually cool enough to commit to dying it black. As quickly as they arrived into my life, my emo friend group vanished into the night. Like the tip of an eyeliner pencil snapping or the HTML on your intricately-crafted MySpace page falling apart when the host websites of your embedded gifs die, so, too, did my social life. One had to suddenly focus on school, another moved town, two of them just fell out with each other and started hanging out with their old friends again. Well, we don’t all have back up friend groups, Lindsey! I went all in on the emos! You’re telling me I have to go back to sitting in my kitchen playing Runescape now! Thanks a lot. So for a year I literally had no friends. And this is when the bullying at school really stepped its pussy up. The things people used to say offhand to me in a corridor were now said loudly in classrooms where everybody would laugh. People used to sing songs about me being gay on the bus while my fellow nerds sat around me just stared awkwardly out of the window not wanting to get involved. People shouted things out during GCSE exams in front of the whole school and the low key pushing became punches. People used to wait for me after school just to throw things at me. Once a guy put his hand around my throat and pushed my head against a coat peg in the locker room while everyone was watching and just slapped me for five minutes. But I never reacted. I never cried or got angry or fought back 'cause then I’d be giving them what they wanted and I refused to play along. But this way of dealing with things definitely had an impact on my relationship with emotion going into life. I became a total outcast. No one wanted to come near me out of fear that they’d get targeted, too. So no one ever stood up for me. And, you know, I don’t blame them. I just resent them even to this day. No, I’m kidding, I don’t really. I do. No, I don’t. I, hmm. Teachers at the time obviously did nothing. In fact, one of them saw this happening to me and laughed 'cause you know, boys will be boys especially the gay ones that get killed by the other ones, am I right? Ah, classic lad banter. And home. See, keeping this on the topic of sexuality and not economic class, violence, addiction, and health issues, let’s just say some shit was goin’ down. I didn’t think I could ask my family for help or share my feelings about this, mainly due to my dad. Funny guy, kind of a woke hippie who did and said a lot of things I did respect but at the same time used to walk around the house saying how he hoped someone he had a problem with at work would *clears throat* “die of bum cancer.” Yep, so picked the one area to be a bigot that would further traumatize your child. Nice! This experience coming from a childhood hearing the word gay meaninglessly thrown around as an insult at home and school, in music, on TV, to then realizing I am actually kinda gay, to then very specifically being attacked for it was traumatic. The world was clearly telling me if I ever wanted to be accepted by anyone or, in my particular environment, survive, I couldn’t be gay. I was afraid of it, literally homophobic of myself. I am talking Pavlov, sunken place, North Korea-level mind alteration that made me terrified of and repulsed by this part of me. This is called internalized oppression. It’s a real thing and it’s some real shit.

Chapter 3 – Internalized Oppression

From this moment I was no longer advertising myself as bi. No, BRB deleting that Myspace real quick, xD lemme get on that Bebo. “My Chemical Romance”? No, I’m listen to what’s this, N-Dubz? Jesus Christ. I go away for the summer break and come back to school quiet and serious and fully straight. *coughs* I needed me some new friends that were a bit higher up the social ladder, you know what I’m sayin’ for security so I go ahead and join “The Inbetweeners”. Literally this group of friends, the exact middle ground between nerds and desperately wanting to be cool. And oh how desperate we were. The great thing about these friends was they knew loads of girls. So firstly, instant cool points. Secondly, if I date a girl *scoffs* super not gay. The problem with that was it’s not like everyone just forgot everything that’s been said about me and this group of friends, casually homophobic pretty much all the time and also they hung out in places near some even more aggressive and super homophobic peeps. Just full-time Runescape would have been a better in hindsight. I find myself going through the same shit at school but now voluntarily going through it at the weekends from the people that are supposed to be my friends thinking I’m doing the right thing whilst constantly telling myself I’m now totally heterosexual. So I did what many people choose to do at that point and I got a girlfriend. But this is pretty messed up because I really liked this girl. In fact, I loved her as a friend and I was genuinely attracted to her but I was so afraid of sexuality I didn’t even wanna do anything straight in case I had some weird gay panic that I was totally frigid and I led her on. And when she got pissed at me, understandably, for being a terrible boyfriend, I just felt even worse. This was someone who I liked that I was hurting and lying to but I couldn’t leave as then I’d have no armor. Beautiful irony here is having a girlfriend didn’t in any way stop the abuse 'cause remember, gay is a great all-purpose general insult. (Call someone gay today and we’ll throw in a free set of steak knives.) And when these neighborhood teens started heavy drinking and getting into drugs, things suddenly got quite scary as people joked about setting fire to a tent as I slept in it at Reading Festival. Or saying, “You know that notoriously unstable guy? Yeah, he said he’s gonna kill you next Saturday.” Awkward.

This was definitely the lowest point in my life. I just felt totally alone, confused and I deeply hated myself. I used to ask God, in case he was there, to please, just make me straight and everyone stop. But I saw no end, no escape, no way to change the world or who I was. So one evening I thought fuck it and I attempted suicide.

I say attempted, because just before it was too late I thought

“oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit what have i done what have i done fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck?”

“what will your grandma think don’t do this to her she tried her best and she loves you”

“your family aren’t total dicks and this will fuck them up can’t you just get over it surely”

“you’re gonna get to the last year of school and give up now really what was the point”

“I heard this is one of the most painful ways to die so not a great choice if I’m being blunt”

Felt kinda bad for a few days otherwise I pretended it never happened and I didn’t tell anyone, until now, literally. Hmm, I know pretty dark right, but hey spoiler things kinda worked out. I mean still gotta lot of issues but here I am. I’m so glad I failed for so many reasons, for the people in my life, for the future I would’ve wasted. The most important being that I thought I was trapped in a situation forever when in reality, the entire world I lived in and my life changed completely. I thought it was hopeless when in reality there was so much to hope for and that’s it. Time changes everything. With the lives that we have, we can try anything we’ve dreamed of. I want anyone that’s ever felt like this to realize you are never trapped. There is always hope. You just need to believe in yourself and get to the other side. So yeah school age 6 to 18, I’m gonna give that a bad Google review. The thing is I did stand out. I’ve always been a loudmouth, class clown, annoying shit. Since graduating, it turns out half the people I knew were fuckin’ gay. That group of friends I had, all lovely people now. Five of them were gay, five gays! That is statistically irregular. Oh but they flew under the radar. All I’m saying is I wish people just hated me for being annoying and immature. Leave the gays alone!

My light at the end of the tunnel was university. I was gonna get my A levels move to a new town and ghost these bitches. But I took a gap year first to earn some money which was very boring sitting at home and working at ASDA where I was not happy to help. My shift started at 5 a.m. on a Saturday. Signed up for a Twitter account to run my mouth off and then bam. “So my name is [Dan].” My YouTube story begins, a new chapter of my life to redefine. So you know what I do? Get a Formspring because nothing gives you that attention feeling like one of those anonymous question and answer websites that are inherently toxic and no one should use. And straight out of the bat bisexual Dan returns. 'Cause hey, just like Myspace, I’m only telling a few people on the internet right now. It’s not like one day I’m gonna get so many followers that random strangers and my family might see it. Wow, I had a lot fun with many different kinds of people in 2009. Let’s just say I got a lot out of my system. Got a couple of things in my system, too. Sorry.

And this is when, through the magic of the internet, I met Phil. And obviously we were more than friends but it was more than just romantic. This is someone that genuinely liked me. I trusted them. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And the relationship we formed at that point was something that I needed in my life. We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates, not that souls are a real thing that exist. It’s so lucky to just find someone you can be that compatible with and especially to anyone that has experienced the kind of self-hatred that I have dealt with, one person accepting you can make all the difference. And I bet so many people wanna know so much more about that which, honestly, I take as a compliment. But here’s the thing. I’m somebody that wants to keep the details of my personal life private. So is Phil. I know lots of people these days, thanks to social media, want to share and monetize every aspect of their life and then as soon as something changes suddenly it’s this huge drama because everybody got invested in the story of your life like it’s a soap opera. I don’t want that. I wanna do certain things without an audience. I wanna be spontaneous. I don’t wanna feel afraid to take risks. I want to enjoy totally fucking something up and not have to post a statement about it. And if anyone thinks people really have to share these things about their life, you need to rethink your position. And look, I understand that sex is a fun and interesting thing to talk about. I get it. I am also a disgusting pervert. But the specific minutiae of who I be fuckin’, when, why, where, how long, how, uhh, I mean? Sexuality is a general fact that it can be very useful to know about a person for several reasons, but we can’t force people to disclose that either. We don’t know this person’s life story, what they’ve been through, if they haven’t told people, if they’ll lose their job, if they’re in danger. There are so many reasons someone might not be open about it. We can preach the message that being out is good, but aggressively speculating or trying to out someone is really bad. They might not be gay, in which case we’re just harassing someone and probably stereotyping. And if they are there’s gonna be a reason why they haven’t talked about it. So I don’t wanna see any responses to me finally talking about this like no one is surprised. “Dan we been knew.” Wow, you huge galaxy brain genius. What’s it like walking around with all those brain cells in there working overtime? What, you got like three in there? Don’t lose your balance, mastermind. I haven’t exactly been subtle have I? I’m an awkward, sexually ambiguous nerd. “What the fuck even is your sexuality?” That’s not the point. I’m already dead inside so it doesn’t matter here, but to me if someone’s reaction to a person coming out is just, “yeah, I knew”, they’re showing no empathy towards the issue or that person. They’re just making it about themselves like it was a fun piece of gossip they already knew. All we have to do is listen and be accepting.

So anyway back to the tale. Whilst things were looking up for Dan aged 18, things quickly got messy again. Wow, that beats the emo streak of temporary self-acceptance by like six months, nice. There was a point around 2011 where the relationship with my audience shifted from what felt like direct communication between me and individuals that just saw me as a comedy creator to communities of people that formed to talk about me when I wasn’t there. Which is fine, but for some people it was about getting generally invested in me and my real life which I thought was a bit strange 'cause inevitably like anyone who puts themself out there, some people started to really dig into my private life to find out information about me that I wasn’t ready to share. And this was around the same time that YouTubers finally started to get mainstream recognition in the British press. We had the BBC knocking at our door trying to offer Dan and Phil a radio show. From that, Dan and Phil became this entertainment duo that we could have a creative career with. And we love working together, so when all these opportunities came for Dan and Phil, we were really excited but I was also scared as people clearly knew I wasn’t straight and I hadn’t told my family that. None of my old friends knew about this, and what me and Phil had was ours and personal and yet some people were trying to get access to it for their own satisfaction. It was no longer a few people on the internet, no big deal. So I just shut down. It felt like I was back at school again, surrounded by threatening people trying to expose me for their entertainment. Most I’m sure just wanted what was best for me and I feel such genuine sadness and am sorry that I couldn’t be closer to and more truthful with the people in my life that were just trying to be nice but I wasn’t ready to deal with it at this time so I had to do something to contain it. I definitely sent some mixed messages. Some were just joking around, others were super defensive that in my panic came across like “I’m now telling everyone I’m totally straight” when all I really meant was “please fuck off and don’t invade my privacy, you creepy stalkers, thank you”. But this experience seriously triggered some PTSD in me and I was back in the dark place. I didn’t want to just disappear from the internet to escape it and throw away this creative hobby that actually started paying rent. Thanks. So I just decided to put anything to do with my sexuality in a box to come back to later as I was still processing my past and I wanted to understand my identity on my own terms and timeline and not just have it hijacked as fuel for people’s sexual fantasies or some headline in an article. And whilst we’re not exactly living in a utopia yet here on YouTube, the general internet culture only five or six years ago was a much less wholesome, progressive place as this little bubble is now. Sure, a lot of people probably would have been supportive, but there was just as much open bigotry and general toxicity 'cause people felt less accountable and it was okay to say certain things 'cause it’s just on the internet and I couldn’t handle that at the time. And, generally, I can handle a lot. I have big hands with a very wide reach for playing piano, you fucking.. get your mind out of the gutter. We can’t ask people to just put their lives on hold to address their sexuality first. If a kid dreams of being a footballer and age 18 gets signed to a club and all their dreams come true but they’re scared to come out because of the insane homophobia in that community, they shouldn’t turn it down. Yes, it’s so important to be truthful about who you are and open and proud in front of the world but it’s our society’s fault that these people are scared to say who they are. So let’s all focus on making it a welcoming place and people will come out when they are ready. So when was I ready? Well, it’s always been on my mind that I need to talk about this at some point. I couldn’t just keep going forward in my life ignoring it, not only just so I can be authentic, which is very important for general existing, but also just letting people know what kind of sexual attention I want from the world. All of it from everyone. God I’m so thirsty. And if anything motivated me, it’s the idea that I can help someone else 'cause that’s basically my whole career, isn’t it, admitting to shit that I’ve been through so you will feel better about yourselves. There we go, you’re welcome. I have a platform and a following of millions of people, many of whom I know have been through exactly what I have. And if I tell my story as painful and flip floppy and flawed as it is, I know it will mean something to someone as every time someone speaks openly about sexuality, it saves lives. I’d never met a single out gay person until I was 18. And if I had, or even just seen better representation in the media, I wouldn’t have felt so totally alone. I wouldn’t even be saying this to you now if it wasn’t for TV shows, musicians, and public figures in the last couple years reinforcing this to me. It doesn’t matter if I was living the life privately as there was still so much confusion about my feelings and fear. But things are better now, on the internet, on TV, in my real life. It’s not perfect but it feels safe enough in this space right now for me to feel confident. So thank you, sincerely, to all the brave people that came before me and to any of you that made this world seem welcoming for me. And instead of procrastinating from this by focusing on work, which was a way for me to insure my own independence and survival in case I was rejected, or just doing things for other people to take my mind off it instead of asserting my own needs, which my therapist keeps telling me is one of my biggest problems. Here I am with a fresh void of time in front of me to fuck up however I want. Now look, we all have different experiences in life. Some of us are lucky, some of us not. It just so happened that the first 18 years of my life were horrendously shit. It failed me. But we get dealt cards from the start, too. If you look at my life, I was born into this world as an able-bodied, white, cis-man in Britain which immediately gives me so much privilege in this current world and I am fully aware of how much harder making it to today could have been for me, which is why we all need to stand up for equality and social justice even if it doesn’t apply to us. No one stood up for me when it mattered the most and that almost cost me everything. So if you see a woman being harassed, a gay being threatened, someone muttering something racist, say something, do something because if you’re still or silent, the victim will just think that you are against them, too. We all have a responsibility.

This tale was just some of the stuff relating to sexuality. We all have a whole sob story if we wanna tell it but I just wanted to explain the journey of how I got to this point and overcame the obstacles that tried to block this path. And now I’ve arrived.

Chapter 4 – Labels

Okay cool story, bro, it’s answer time. What’s your answer. Whaddayalikedafuk? Here’s the thing, you want me to talk candidly about sexuality as if it’s something that I understand? I don’t know what it is, why it is. Turns out no one knows. I’ve been sitting here for years waiting for scientists to just work it out like bleep bloop. [Oh this is why and exactly how it’s different for people. There we go.] Thinking I shouldn’t run off my mouth on the internet in case my theories and opinions on varying gayness get debunked next week. Well, I waited long enough and it didn’t happen. Science, ya fucked up, you let me down. And I fully expect to have to delete this video in two weeks when you find out all the answers suddenly. Thanks a bunch. What makes someone gay or straight or all the things in between? What the ever loving fuck is gender about? This is a mess. Yet people want you to give them a word because that’s how humans communicate with words that have meanings. Which is why our disgusting species is impatient, stupid, and obsessed with labels. And this applies to everything, sexuality, gender, political identity, what obscure genre of synthwave you listen to. People just want a label that represents something they understand so they already know how to feel about you and don’t have to bother thinking. [Oh you’re a feminist well I don’t need to know anything more. Oh you’re a leftist. Oh you’re a K-pop fan but but but but.] If people just want to find a way to disagree with you or dislike you, they can refer to the label and turn off their brains. Hey, what does my label say? Huh. The issue is, especially when we start talking about the writhing mass of confusion and suffering that is sexual and gender identity, the limits of language and specific terminology become a big problem. What does being gay mean? You never thought about a boob once? What does being a man mean? You wanna be an emotionless rock rubbing raw steaks against your biceps? It’s not like humanity is all in agreement right now. I don’t like the stereotypes and drama that come with all this terminology so I’m just not gonna use it. Thing is gender identity isn’t my issue. I feel comfortable with the identity that I’ve had my whole life. Dan, a tol boy from England. But being a man means nothing to me. I wouldn’t feel uncomfortable wearing makeup or a sickening pair of heels, though I can’t even draw in a straight line so that would be a disaster. Also is anyone really comfortable wearing heels? Hmm. Icons of masculinity aren’t really a big part of my life. Might as well call me a fucking formless blob that sounds more relatable. Shout out to all my formless blobs out there, rise up. I don’t have to do anything or be anything and I personally wouldn’t feel offended if I wasn’t referred to as a he. Well, she’s feeling hungry today. Stop fucking judging me, Susan. I’m sad and I’m gonna eat this whole damn cake whether you like it or not. But anyone that has this don’t really care attitude about their gender identity is in a way privileged 'cause some people, especially trans, care a lot about their gender identity and using the correct pronouns which other people should respect. Likewise with sexuality, whilst to me the endlessly increasing list of tribes and flags being flown is a bit daunting and confusing and personally stresses me out 'cause I almost find it constrictive, some people like it. Because if you’re feelings are confusing and then you look at a word that represents something and go, “wow, that me”, it can help you realize you’re valid and find a community and that’s great. There is so much controversy around this issue and others but if we all just calm down, respect each other’s experiences and try to just be nice, reasonable people, which is a lot to ask, let’s be real, it’s quite simple. If you wanna use language to express your honest feelings and identity, that’s great and other people should respect what you say. Likewise, if you hate labels and you just wanna be a formless blob, that’s fine, too. No one should force you. The only thing that isn’t cool is telling other people what they should or should not identify as 'cause that ain’t your problem or your business, bye. This was one of the things that held me back from talking about this for years. Shit’s confusing, man. Let’s just go back to cellular reproduction by mitosis so I don’t really have to be specific. Two people that I really look up to and respect, Harry Styles and Janelle Monae, both famously say that they don’t feel the need to label it which, to be honest, is how I feel and is perfectly okay. But I get it, for me, you want a word. Oh, that’s hard, though. I’m an annoying guy. I feel uncertain specifying my sexuality in the same way I wouldn’t say I am an atheist. Who the fuck am I to say whether God does or doesn’t exist? I don’t know shit 'bout shit and neither does anyone else. I mean I think it’s unlikely in the same way I know I like DICK. But I’m not gonna pretend to have a definite answer here. Looking at my public statements is inconsistent and confusing. Looking at my personal track record through life is super confusing. And looking at the void inside my soul threatening to crush the entire universe with the force of its event horizon of misery and melodrama, well, fuck let’s close that shit up. One thing’s for sure whatever heterosexual is, I ain’t it. Really if you ask me, I don’t think anyone’s totally straight. I think there’s a lot of social and emotional issues getting in the way of yet to be understood feelings of attraction that can be very flexible. And trust me, I’ve known a lot of straight guys until a couple of drinks, some deep conversation, and lingering eye contact, and suddenly they just start leaning in. What does that make them? And am I totally gay? No. Am I slightly more gay or is it just easier for gays to hook up with each other because of societal norms. It’s not like the signs for male and female bathrooms are what I’m attracted to. I don’t care what flesh organ you have between your legs, what your hair’s like, if you’re covered in it or a fuckin’ beluga whale. I’m gonna be honest, I’m not picky. I’m easy. So am I bi or pan or poly? Well, now we’re just in a clusterfuck of defining language and I’m confused and sad and horny. This is why I personally love the word queer. I understand that some people don’t as it is a slur but as someone that’s been the target of it several times throughout my life I’m up for some reclamation. It’s like recycling. The definition makes sense because until society is equal with all sexual and gender identifies, it is literally strange from a conventional viewpoint plus it’s better than a super long acronym, it’s inclusive of everyone and therefore great for formless blobs. There we go, an identity I feel comfortable with. A highly-strung, depressed queer praying for a giant meteor to hurry up and finally eradicate humanity. LMAO, yeet!

But to come full circle, I know that even today, deep in my heart the word gay scares me because that’s how I’ve been conditioned my whole life. So, you know what? Fuck the literal definition and the scientific definition and what everyone thinks. I finally have to just confront and accept this.

I’m gay.

Oh look, didn’t spontaneously fucking combust. Well, there we go, that was a lot of stress about nothing, wasn’t it? Bloody hell. So yup, I’m here, I’m queer, and don’t worry I’m still filled with existential fear.

WE’RE HERE, WE’RE QUEER WE’RE FILLED WITH EXISTENTIAL FEAR.

Chapter 5 – Fear

Even though I’m at this current place, there is still so much I’m afraid of and this has taken months to make because of that. Telling my family was a big fear. I have problems connecting with them emotionally because reasons. So I only came out to them this month and if it didn’t go well, as I’m now the independent adult that I fought so hard to be, I was ready to cut them off like the bottom of a sweater turning into a seasonal crop. But I didn’t have to, love you. I didn’t think they’d reject me these days but coming out is still a surprise. It changes things. And I’m a pretty awkward person generally but the idea of just dropping this in conversation in front of them all terrified me. And I tried several times this year to do it but I just couldn’t. So you know how I finally came out to my family? E-mail. Yep, I literally just sent them an e-mail saying and I quote,

“Hello gang. I’ve been meaning to talk to you all for a while, something quite important that should be disclosed at some point. I thought I would around Christmas, then Mum’s birthday, then last Easter Sunday, etc., but every time I meant to, I either felt like I would ruin the mood of the day or I just felt awkward and didn’t want to. So I decided just to email you all instead which is really inappropriate and just weird but that somehow seems appropriate for me and at least I’ll just finally say it.

Basically I’m gay.”

Yup. It was just getting ridiculous so I thought screw it and hey, it worked. Turns out my remaining family, pretty chill bunch of people. Even my Christian grandma said this,

“We love you for being you. It must be a great relief to finally acknowledge who you are. Popsie and I just want you to be happy. People are born as they are and have no say in it. I hope that now you will feel free to live your life as you want with no pretense.”

Aw.

“Don’t forget the iPad.”

Yes, I said I’d give her my old iPad. She mainly cares about that I thing. Wasn’t so sure when I was 17 but it went well now and I know that makes me lucky but, hey, it shows that times change. As for the other people in my life, obviously all the friends I have now are cool. If anyone in my life I’ve ever known isn’t cool with it then I don’t care. And sure here online there might be a few incredibly lost bigots following me or just some classic trolls who I think should get fucked. No, like literally, I think you should try it. You’ll probably enjoy it and you might learn something about yourself. Inevitably some of you watching this might have a weird reaction if you just feel like it was a shock or you feel hurt that I kept it from you. But I feel like I explained myself reasonably here and going forward I can’t have any space for that, sorry. I’ve come to terms with who I am and now you have to, too, ha. Funnily enough straight up homophobia is probably the one thing I’m not that afraid of, because I just don’t agree so it doesn’t hold much emotional power over me but you bet I’m opening myself up to all new kinds of in real life and international discrimination now which is fun. But one of the other big fears holding me back was, honestly, that I wouldn’t be accepted by the community. I know that it’s a big pride flag covering a lot of ground and even the idea of it and certainly most of it is amazing. But there is a lot of drama within it right now especially on the internet. You’ve got Grindr gays arguing about how manly gays should be, bi’s getting ignored, trans people, especially of color, not being historically appreciated, acephobia, fucking SWERFs and TERFs. No thank you. So even though they are my people, I know some of them will have problems with something. And even then, just seeing such a loud and proud, strong and opinionated group of people celebrating something just intimidates a smol introvert such as myself. And in my mind if these people don’t accept me because I’m not being definitive enough or I took too long then I almost feel like I’ll be alone all over again, and this is a fear that a lot of people have honestly. But I’m a nice guy and I’m trying my best so you better be welcoming, you bunch of fuckin’ queers. And obviously with the topic of sexuality, it doesn’t matter where we are or how far you think we’ve come, by merely mentioning it, I will be opening up a primordial box of bullshit which will include every single stupid argument and question since the dawn of time. [It’s not natural.] There’s gay animals. [Adam and Steve.] That’s based on a story and the protagonist that arrives later probably doesn’t agree with you. [Why can’t we have straight pride?] I could spend 10 hours on all the classic crap and people would still be asking the same things. This being posted on the internet, my hopes are so incredibly low, lower than my self-esteem. Wow, that is unhealthy. I need to stop doing that. This video is about internalized oppression and the problems of language. I’m not here to pontificate on every topic tangentially related to the entire concept of gayness. *ASMR voice*: Pontificate on every topic tangentially related to the concept of gayness.

There’s other humans and all the time in the world left for that. The time in the world coincidentally being not much longer. Climate change LMAO. But I had to tell my story so people would understand me and these things. Why coming out is still a big deal because queer people are often invisible and suffering until they have to do it. Some people grow up in supportive environments and it’s a positive experience. But more likely, especially around the world outside of the big cities, it isn’t. This is not a fight that is anywhere near over. Even in Britain today people are debating whether children should be taught to be accepting of sexual and gender identity in school.

Queer people exist. Choosing not to accept them is not an option.

To anyone watching this that isn’t out, it’s okay. You’re okay. You were born this way, it’s right, and anyone that has a problem with it is wrong. Based on your circumstance, you might not feel ready to tell people yet or that it’s safe and that’s fine, too. Just know that living your truth, with pride, is the way to be happy. You are valid. It gets so much better. And the future is clear. It’s pretty queer.

So there we go. Now I can proceed authentically in my life with full disclosure. Cute mutuals know to slide into the DMs. And you can all fuck off and leave me alone.

Bye.

#basically i'm gay #daniel howell #danielhowell #dan and phil #amazingphil #phil lester #yes im tagging i dont care #if there's a flaw somewhere (like a missed part or sm) dm me so i could fix it #id go through it again anyway but just in case #oh and it's literally just dan's substitles so all credits to him or whoever did that #hmm i wonder if they hired someone. interesting #have fun #the script

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one-more-offbeat-anthem · 4 years ago

Text

one call away

(a silly soulmate au drabble that exists purely bc of a prompt from @haybibiboi you’re welcome :P)

Castiel Novak hates his job.

Every day, he answers return calls for Costco. He gets to customers after they’ve been screened for what they want, he goes, “This is Castiel with Costco, you pressed three for returns. How may I help you?” and then people yell at him for about fifteen minutes. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Today is no different. He shifts uncomfortably in his chair--he gets off in less than two hours, and then he can go back to his apartment and finish the historical drama he’s reading right now. He fiddles with the buttons on the cuffs of his dress shirt--all of the other guys wear polos, but Castiel’s soul mark hasn’t vanished yet, and it’s a bit, well, vulgar.

Everyone’s got soul marks until they speak to their soulmate, on the inside of their wrist--the first words your soulmate will say to you. His friends had things like “Can I get that door for you?” or “Nice weather, huh?” or “Oh, you like Nirvana, too?”

Castiel’s is very different.

It’s “Oh thank FUCK!” with the fuck capitalized, as if the person is grateful for whatever’s happening.

But still.

He finishes up a frustrating call with a woman who can’t understand why the apples she already ate can’t be returned, and then his phone immediately rings again, and he answers it dully, “This is Castiel with Costco, you pressed three for returns. How may I help you?”

It sounds like the person on the other end of the line drops something, and then the voice says, “Oh thank FUCK!”

Castiel registers a couple of things at once. First, it sounds like a guy, and a guy with a really nice voice, at that. Second--he pulls up his sleeve to make sure--this guy is his soulmate?

He tunes into the fact that the guy is still talking, “Jesus Christ, I thought I’d never find you.”

“D-do you actually have a return?” Castiel asked, “Or have you just been calling people nonstop to see if I’d answer?”

“I do actually have a return, Castiel. Can I call you Cas? It just seems better. Anyways, I--”

“What’s your name?” Cas interrupts him.

“Dean. Dean Winchester.”

“Casti-Cas Novak.”

“Dude, I love your name. It’s amazing. I’d love it even if you weren’t my soulmate.” Dean clears his throat, “So, you’re not gonna believe this....but I accidentally ordered 200 ten-pound buckets of flour.”

“You did what?!” Cas nearly drops the phone, “How?”

“That is an excellent question. So, do you think you can help me figure out how to return them? Also, do you actually live in Oklahoma City? It had me input my zipcode--”

“...Why is that important?”

“Because I’m about to ask you not only to help me get rid of 2,000 goddamn pounds of flour, but also go to on a date with me.” He can hear in Dean’s voice that he’s grinning.

Cas can’t help it--he’s grinning too. “Fine,” he says, “I do live in Oklahoma City. And I will go on a date with you, as long as you only return 1,990 pounds of that flour. Do you like to bake?”

“I suppose?”

“I could make you a pie.”

“Holy shit, you really are my soulmate,” Dean says, “Yeah, I think I can keep one bucket of flour.”

#this was so silly #dean WOULD accidentally order a ton of flour #offbeatwrites

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crazycookiemaniac · 4 years ago

Note

Omg why are you losing so many followers youve been drawing gay shit for forever??? (Or maybe i as a gay was just interpreting it that way)

Because I literally spammed people every day for one week lmao. And also, a lot of people follow others for specific content. The moment I stop drawing that exact thing they followed me for, they unfollow me. There are also accounts that follow just to make you follow them & if you don’t, they unfollow you after a while. There’s people who followed me for haikyuu & weren’t interested in BC content, and there were people who followed me for BC content but got showered in gay art instead and that was not their cuppa tea.

But mostly, i start appearing on people’s feed the more I post. So having me post incessantly for one week made me show up on feeds that I hadn’t shown up for a good while, so there were probably people who forgot they had followed me in the first place & me posting was a reminder to unfollow.

Truthfully, follower counts are dumb. Yes, it is important for you to have a high follower count for you to get attention, but the amount of people actually following you if you don’t have a consistent art style & rarely ever post something with different vibes than your usual ones, is equal or less than 1% of your total amount of following.

My instagram tells me I have 43k. I do not have 43k people following me. I’ve had 43k that once saw my account & pressed the follow button, but their feeds are filled up with other people’s accs that interest them more than mine (as well as my own feed does not show all the content of the 200+ something people I follow, unless I scroll down till the depths of hell to find every single post on that day and then do so on the next day as well).

Essentially, 95% of your followers are there because of content. They want to see what entertains them. Most of them don’t care about the artist and don’t interact with them at all. Many of them are scared to, given the high follower count. Social media & big accounts make people forget that there are other, real, living & breathing people that are behind them all.

So, to many, I was just a random artist they found and “lol”ed at one of my comics & pressed follow without thinking about it. Most of them don’t go to my account and see all other art I’ve posted to see if they actually like what I do, or me as a person and as an artist at all.

People who don’t know this get really discouraged when they don’t earn a lot of followers, or when they lose a lot (like I did). And some people think you gotta have hundreds of thousands to be famous. I’ve seen accs going around that paid for ads, that had over 150k followers and less than 1k likes on their posts.

Truly famous, loved, growing and/or steady accounts have an amount of likes per post proportional to their follower count. For example, if someone has 150k followers, most of their posts will vary from 20k to 100k likes.

When I was growing my account because I hopped in the fandom bandwagon and stupid little me didn’t know that would only make me crash later, I had like 20~30k and some of my posts reached more than 20k likes (because people liked my stupid comics). Nowadays, I’m not part of the fandom that made me grow anymore. I’m part of a very underrated one (Black Clover), as well a I am drawing a very underrated ship (LuGna) that above all else is getting hated on. I have everything against me in this, so it’s no wonder I lost so many followers.

They didn’t wanna see gay art. They didn’t wanna see Black Clover. They didn’t even know what the fuck was going on. Not everyone paid attention or kept up with my warnings. Despite me explaining multiple times in multiple posts what the Thunder Flames project was about, a lot of people still didn’t know what I was doing that for.

The thing about being a big follower count is that, unless you’re actually loved for what you do (and to do that, once again, I need to emphasize that you need to keep a steady rhythm, a steady vibe, a steady you. Because people follow you for your first impression on them, and you gotta keep up to that first impression if you wanna keep your followers.

I’m unsteady. One look at my gallery and you’ll see how disorganized everything is. Oh, lookit, a 1 min speedpaint of a random drawing I did on an old piece of paper! And right on the left there’s a stupid random comic I did–on the right there’s this super detailed, shaded drawing I’ve done that actually looks terrible to me and I will 100% archive it later, and then there’s B&W mixed with gray shaded, flat colored and fully shaded characters of different fandoms + OCs from commissions and whatever else.

The thing is, I made my follower count based on a fandom, and now that I’m not there most of that follower count does not have me on their feed. And most of them do not want me on their feed. Now, I’m trying to build a follower count for who I am as an artist, because the few people who have actually stayed and followed me throughout the years know how inconsistent I am in terms of art style, fandoms and everything else.

A solution to this would me either keep creating/posting the same thing all over again (just in different patterns), or creating original content (which I do plan on doing at some point). But for now? Since my follower count does absolutely not reflect on how many people actually like me and/or my art, I’m going to be as chaotic as fucking ever and do whatever the fuck I want.

So yes, I do find it comical that I lost 1k followers over this and am not fazed in the very least, especially because I literally foreshadowed losing 1k and hit the fucking jackpot.

The only reason I’m talking about this at all is because 1- it’s impossible not to notice my follower count decreasing, especially because every new 1k I thank people publicly through stories; 2- some people were actually worried I was upset over it and I have to 3- show that I am not, while simultaneously trying to show people that just because you’re losing followers doesn’t mean you have to stop doing what you want to create content to please people. It doesn’t mean you should be upset, and it doesn’t mean that what you’re doing is bad or wrong.

It means you’re fucking renewing your followers & you’ll now grow for what you’re trying to grow for, bitch. That’s what it’s all about.

Obviously, people do take a great risk doing this. I am taking a great risk doing this. I could’ve lost 5k, I could’ve lost 10k. But I only lost 1k! And that’s because I believe in the project I worked on; I knew there were people out there who enjoyed what I was doing and it’s on them that I was focused on. On the people who supported me AND my art, not just that one single funny comic post I did 3 years ago.

This answer is 100% a lot longer than what you could’ve possibly expected for and I am typing this while being awake for more than 24h so I’m sure that I’ve repeated myself a lot and that there are a lotta typos or w/e and I apologize for that!! But I’m too lazy to go back to read everything over & turn this into a neat post & I’m pretty sure I could answer your question in the first paragraph.

Oh and also. Yes. Yes I have been drawing gay shit ever since I’ve become an artist because I’m so fucking pissed at the lack of canon gay content in a way that it’s depicted as a normal fucking romantic couple instead of having eeeeeeeeveryone point their finger to the gay couple and scream “HEY THAT’S GAY!!! THIS CAN’T BE PART OF THIS VERY HETEROSEXUAL SHOW WHERE EVERYONE IS OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAVE EVER SAID THAT EXPLICITLY BECAUSE WE KNOW THAT THE CREATORS ARE EITHER HETEROSEXUAL OR TOO AFRAID TO LOSE AUDIENCE IF THEY TREAT GAY PEOPLE AS NORMAL PEOPLE!??!! WHAT SORT OF ABSURD NONSENSE IS THAT??!! GAY PEOPLE AREN’T NORMAL!! THEY’RE GAY AND THEY SHOULD HAVE A GAY SHOW JUST FOR THEM IF THEY WANNA GET SCREENTIME” and yadda yadda yadda.

I’m tired of this bullshit. Ever since I was an artist I’ve been rooting for gay ships in shonen manga while knowing they would never happen just because they were gay, and now that we are in our Blessed-By-Satan, Pandemic-Chaotic, What-The-Fuck-Is-Going-On, We-Don’t-Know-If-We-Wanna-Go-Back-Or-To-The-Future-Or-Just-IDK-Fucking-Die year 2020, in which the LGBT community is thriving and being louder than ever to fight for our rights, Me, in my twenty four years of fucking age, having gone through several fucking disappointments ONLY regarding this matter, am sitting here on my ass, hopeful as all galactic, glittery shit that for some fucking reason, my new OTP formed by very underrated characters from this very underrated franchise in the southern and western communities, becomes canon because my stupid eyes can see chemistry between them even though those stupid haters’ can’t. But that’s because they’re stupid and homophobic, and they really should just shut the fuck up. I don’t wanna dream, I want to believe. Let a bitch pray in peace.

But even if I’m getting ready for disappointment, I’m gonna make this project happen and I’m gonna have a shit ton of artbooks from this Thunder Flames project inside my fucking garage if no one wants to buy them. But I am going to invest a shit ton of money in it and I am going to have these artbooks come to life. Because I am spiteful and petty and homophobes should shut the fuck up, and I wanna do what I wanna do bc as an independent artist, I’m building my future with my own two, very toned and buff by now from all the drawing I did, hands.

God fucking damn it.

Jesus christ I’m just rambling at this point, I’m so sorry. If anyone ever reads this out of context people are going to be so confused.

But that’s fine. They won’t. You know why? Cuz I got almost 11k followers here on tumblr but less than 0.5% gives a shit that I’m here, so I’m safe.

Have a nice day, drink your water and fuck homophobes. Peace

#Anonymous

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princesscas · 4 years ago

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Hi! I have a question. I haven’t been heavily involved in tumblr/social media for a while. I had stopped watching supernatural for a couple of years and just got back into it. I ship destiel, but sometimes things about wincest come up. I keep seeing things about people not wanting to “ship shame” which you just mentioned as well, and I’m just confused. How is it okay that people ship two brothers? Like they are actual brothers on the show?? I don’t care that they’re not irl. I don’t know who the N girl you’re talking about is but apparently she cares about canon, so how can she like it? And why is it wrong for people to condemn people for shipping two brothers, when that is the thing inherently wrong? Like it’s disgusting... it’s not about them being guys, it’s incest... Again, I just don’t get it and I hope I don’t come off as rude! Thank you!

Nah, you’re not rude at all! Never ever like them. I’m still upset about what happened two days ago so what the hell, tea time!

To start off, I believe that everyone can ship whatever like like as long as they aren’t sending hate to others. Take a look at this (lengthy) post about ship wars. People can ship whatever they want, end of story. Doesn’t really matter anyway because people are gonna do what they wanna do. Do I like those types of ships like you described above? No, but it’s none of my business to tell others what they can and cannot ship. Sometimes I read darkfics. That isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. Is the post/fanfic properly tagged with such elements? Then it’s fine. Start hyjacking posts/leaving nasty comments? That’s 1000% not fine and it never will be.

Something that doesn’t get brought up enough: There is a vast difference between an ordinary w//cest shipper and a J-two-squared tinhatter who believes the said two actors are secretly gay, their wives are beards, they hate mish, everyone who doesn’t like w//cest are wrong, etc.

Now, it’s on the shipper if they start normalizing such things. (in//st, unhealthy, etc) And the rabid obsessed (N&Co) hate-everything-that-breathes crew is a prime example of this.

This thing is already long so why not throw out some receipts, huh? IMO, you cross that ‘ship whatever you want’ line when you do this:

...I ship an angel and a human my dude. (and two 100 yr old super soldiers, I wonder what they think about stucky lol) also jesus christ the rest of that is a mess.

/tw: biphobia here./ REAL bisexuals? “oh you aren’t bisexual if you like one angel and a hunter.” And they’re obsessed with calling everyone ‘teenager girls.’ This is not only wrong but also pretty damn transphobic and misogynistic. 1) Most people have aged over the years (wow that’s crazy right?) 2) trans, nonbinary, and gender fluid people exist.

Overall, these people are a horrible bunch. They’re obsessed with preaching to people about ‘tagging properly’ when they could take it upon themselves and use a blacklisting extension. Or just block every single blog they don’t like. These people are a very small portion of the fandom but they’re loud, they want you to think they make up all of the fandom but they don’t. Not even close, when other in general posts gets thousands of notes/retweets and theirs get maybe a couple hundred. (and a lot are from reblogs for replies)

Not gonna lie, I feel the need to defend w//cest shippers because I’ve known/have/had mutuals who do ship it and they’re nice as can be.

The loud bunch are so loud, it silences the others who partaking in normal fandom things. Or really, if I were them, I wouldn’t want to associate myself with those people.

Let’s pretend for a second. Imagine if you loved a ship (it could be any ship from any fandom) but the fandom is toxic as hell and the most ‘popular/well known’ blogs/artists/writers are these people. Fandom corners have history on the way they were built upon throughout the course of the fandom’s media.

You browse the tags, the blogs, the fanfics, and find yourself staring at a hateful group of cult-like bigoted people. But wait. These people? They don’t like fanfiction or fanon. No, they hate anyone who writes anything outside of textbook canon. Any characters outside of SW/DW/JW won’t be present. (if you’re curious or are brave enough, go look at the AO3 tag, it’s sad)

I try to be empathetic with people. I cannot, for the life of me, imagine what it’s like. To love a show so much with your favorite ship but one part dislikes it and another part are so inherently hateful.

The OP deleted but this thread on Reddit is exactly what I’m talking about. And they mentioned something else I think not many people bring up: OT3′s.

I’m gonna quote this but it’s 1000% true.

“What I can't for the life of me understand though is why people would hate on Misha as an actor because of his role on the show. I've seen a lot of Misha hatred - and I mean A LOT of it. In fact, I recently went through the anti-misha tag on tumblr and blocked over 200 tumblr accounts that either were dedicated to bashing him or castiel, or posted constantly about it.”

“It's really nuts to me that people would choose to put so much time and effort into hating an actor who hasn't done anything to them personally or hasn't even affected their lives, when they could be putting good feelings into praising the actors who have affected their lives in a good way instead if you feel me.”

Constantly is the key word here. I don’t think these people ever stop, not even for one second, to sit down and say, “God this is exhausting, I think I need a break this week.” I really dislike these people but I also feel empathetic for them. What is their mental health like? It isn’t healthy. Go show a therapist this, they’d probably quit on the spot. (okay prob not but that’s my best example atm)

This has gotten extremely long so I think I’ll stop here. There are some nice people out there who will ship things you don’t like but a toxic side can make it seem much worse than it actually is. Ironically, it’s usually the opposite. (ie: voltron’s’s toxic side scaring off other shippers of that fandom)

Lemme end this with pre!serum smol Steve and his legendary quote:

#i just try to be nice man #i need to go finish my fanfc instead of talking about this lol #fandom things #mandy answers anon #drama for ts #anti bibros #anti bronlies #Anonymous #tw wincest #tw incest

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superhusbands-superfan · 5 years ago

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200 prompt fest- a shifter AU with a de-aged stony twist. Stony can either be pining for each other and get together at the end or established from the beginning. You can choose the shifted forms- I just think de-aging would also be cute because their shifts would be de-aged too :) happy ending always

Hi lovely! Thanks for the prompt ❤️.

You all work MUCH faster than I was expecting and I actually broke 200 followers on Sunday. I apologize for the delay in fics, but I want them to be quality for you all before I post them. You’re amazing, and I love you guys! Thanks so much for your support.

@queene36 I’m not sure if this is exactly what you were going for, but I hope I was able to get it close enough that you still enjoy it. This is totally unlike anything I’ve ever written before, so if you like it, pretty please with cherries on top let me know 😉.

Reasons to Hate Magic (And Maybe One Reason Not To)

“Not. One. Word,” Clint said, his voice hard and unyielding, before Nat could even open her mouth to say a word. “It’s a very long story, and with any luck, Thor will be returning with a magical cure any minute now.”

“Right…” Nat said, one perfect eyebrow arched high in amusement. “So Tony is…?”

“He refuses to get down,” Clint said, looking at the ridiculously tiny kitten perched on his shoulder. “And don’t even try to move him — every time someone does I nearly get my shoulder clawed off. Thanks for that, Tony.”

Nat pursed her lips to contain a laugh. Sounded like Tony, after all.

“Not to mention every time someone so much as looks at him, this one — “ Clint nudges his foot into the ribs of the wolf puppy laying, but not sleeping, at his feed. “ — goes absolutely batshit.”

As if to underscore the point, the pup raised its head to appraise Natasha. Though she hadn’t moved even a foot closer since entering the room, it growled in warning.

“See?!” Clint burst out, pushing the animal a few inches away with his foot. He was irritated but still gentle with the gangly pup. “Like Jesus Christ, Steve give it a rest.”

“I’m not going to touch him,” Nat said in an attempt to appease all parties. “Honest.”

Steve glared at Natasha wearily — somehow even in shifted form, even as a puppy he still had his trademark Captain America Is Keeping An Eye On You Face.

“I just want him to get down,” Clint said with a distressed expression on his face. “I can’t move with him here or Steve’ll chew my leg off or something.”

Steve growled in warning.

“This would be easier if you both just turned back into children,” Clint said with the exhaustion of a man who’d been making the same argument for hours. “Just until Thor gets back. So you can, you know, talk.”

“They probably can’t control it,” Nat pointed out. “Not at this age. It’s too unpredictable.”

“Yeah, I’ve gathered as much.” Clint sighed. “A guy can dream, though.”

“How’d you get stuck watching them anyway?”

“Everyone — and I do mean everyone — fled. I had things somewhat under control for about half an hour.

“But it took Tony, who was still a human child at that point, mind you — if you can even call a 3-year-old genius ‘human’ — a total of six minutes to take apart the toaster. Then it took about eight more for him to build Steve his very own robot, and apparently, the gift-giving caused far too much excitement because next thing I knew Tony was clawing his way up to his current perch and the symphony of growling began. That was four hours ago.”

Nat snorted. Okay, so he’d done his fair share.

“All right, well I’m here now. Why don’t you take a break?”

Clint gestured at Tony silently.

Nat walked over and steadfastly ignored Steve’s increasingly loud protests.

“Hey, Tony. Can you get down for me, please?” Nat asked, using a tone that was soft, but still more order than request.

With a tiny sigh, Tony pulled himself languidly up onto his four paws, stretched for a moment, and jumped from Clint’s shoulder to the couch cushion. His tail twitched playfully. Natasha suspected he’d kept Clint trapped for hours on purpose.

“Thank you.” Nat looked from the brown kitten to Clint. “Get out of here. I’ve got this.”

Clint didn’t need to be told twice. He raced out of the room without looking back.

Nat smiled after him, still a little amused by the situation, and when she turned back to take his seat on the couch she startled.

Steve had silently hopped on the couch when no one was paying attention and curled up in the corner. And apparently Tony had seen that as an opportunity to be seized, judging by the way he was approaching the fluffy gray wolf pup.

Keeping a careful eye on Steve’s reaction, Tony climbed up onto his back and curled into the soft fur.

Nat smiled. It was kind of the most precious thing she’d ever seen.

“JARVIS?” Nat said, voice soft.

“Would you like a photograph Agent Romanoff?”

“Several. Please.”

Another few hours, one failed attempt at a cure, a return trip to Asgard, and Thor was back with the right concoction to turn Steve and Tony back to their respective ages.

“Ugh,” Tony blurted the minute he was back in human — adult human — form. “I hate magic. I hate it.”

“You can say that again,” Steve agreed readily. He glanced at the fridge. “I need food.”

“You and me both,” Tony said. No one really preferred eating in their shifted forms, and they’d been stuck that way for nearly an entire day. “JARVIS, I want two giant pizzas in the next fifteen minutes.”

“On it, Sir.”

“In the meantime, Steve would you care to join me in raiding the fridge?”

“Absolutely.” Steve glanced at Thor. “And thanks, Thor, for the save.”

“Yes, how could I forget,” Tony said, grinning over his shoulder. “Thank you for saving us from having to grow up a second time. I’m honestly not sure I could’ve managed it, setting aside the whole ‘apparently toddlers can’t control their shifted forms’ business. Which sucks, by the way. Even if Steve does make an incredibly comfortable, fluffy place for a catnap.”

Steve snorted a little. “Thanks. I think.”

“It was a compliment,” Tony said flirtatiously. Steve flushed.

“Ooooookay,” Bruce said, glancing between Tony and Steve. “You two are definitely back to your versions of normal which means I’m officially done with babysitting duty.” He made a beeline for his lab.

“Hey!” Tony protested lightly. He pulled open the fridge and surveyed their options. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Steve didn’t even question it. He just said, “Thanks, Bruce.”

“It means you’re back to flirting outrageously and refusing to do anything about it,” Clint chimed in from… somewhere. Probably those damn vents.

Tony glared at the ceiling. “Stay in your lane, Katniss. No one asked you.” He passed Steve a package of half-eaten lunch meat.

Not ideal, but it would work until the pizza arrived.

Steve grabbed a slice of turkey, rolled it up, and popped it in his mouth. Silence fell in the kitchen as Bruce disappeared, Clint faded back into the shadows, and Thor… left. Probably heading for either Jane or Asgard.

Tony spread some peanut butter on a piece of wheat bread.

“Sorry, by the way,” Steve said, sounding a little uneasy. “About the whole… overprotective thing.”

Tony shrugged it off, smiling. “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t mind. I was much smaller than I’m used to being, so it didn’t hurt. Knowing you had my back and all, even if we were just up against the team.”

Steve grinned. “I’ll always have your back, Tony.”

“I know.” Tony said it easily as if that fact was just one of the many scientific laws of the universe he respected so much. Then he hesitated a little, looked a less grounded and sure. “You uh. You know I have yours too, right?”

“Oh,” Steve said, surprised. “Yeah, I know that Tony.”

“Good,” Tony said. He looked at Steve, dark eyes wide and darting from Steve’s face to other parts of the room nervously. “That’s… that’s…”

“Good?” Steve guessed.

“Yes.” Tony nodded. And kept nodding. “Good.”

Steve was getting worried. He stepped closer to Tony, trying to get him to focus. “Tony, is everything okay?”

Tony looked at his feet for a second, then up at Steve.

They both froze. Suddenly, they were much closer than either expected, practically sharing the same air.

Tony met Steve’s gaze for a split second. He looked at Steve’s mouth and decided it was finally time for him to take a chance.

Tony leaned forward ever so slightly and kissed Steve.

It happened so fast Steve almost could have imagined it. Just the slightest brush of Tony’s lips against his.

Steve’s heart nearly stopped.

“Sorry,” Tony whispered, refusing to look Steve in the eye now. He started to take a step back, but Steve’s hand shot out to grab his wrist and stop him.

“Why would you be sorry?” Steve asked, his voice soft.

“Because I just kissed you?”

“There’s no reason to apologize for that.”

“No?”

“No,” Steve said, finally smiling as wide as he wanted to. “No reason at all.”

Tony smiled, his grin probably matching Steve’s in size. “You sure?”

“Very sure.” Steve nodded. “Come here,” he said, and pulled Tony closer, into another (longer) kiss.

Fin.

(If anyone is wondering, Tony’s shifted form appears to be a brown, shorthaired housecat. Might I have taken some inspiration from Captain Marvel in terms of Tony’s true shifted form? It’s possible. It’s very very possible)

#stony fic #steve tony fic #superhusbands fic #stevetony #stony #de-aged #shifter au #superhusbands superfan writes #ss replies #thanks for the prompt!!

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el-gilliath · 5 years ago

Text

Day 3: Quick and Dirty (well it’s 3200 words)

Prompt by @andrea-lyn waaay back when: porn themed mechanic, “I need new shocks, but I don’t have any money” malex

Probably an established relationship thing, but Alex swinging by one day with his jeep and getting Michael to fix it, but oops, he doesn’t have any money. So they need to work out some alternate methods.

Alex doesn’t like the sounds his new car is making. Having finally gotten out of the military, he had to trade in his lovely jeep, it belonging to the Air Force and all, for an older SUV. It’s a nice car, but he knows the shocks have seen better days since the ride is bumpier than it should be. Serves him right for buying a car without taking anyone to check it out with him. Like his, oh, mechanic boyfriend. He also knows that if he comes in now, after the sale is said and done, Michael will mock him relentlessly, because yes, he should have asked him to begin with. Everyone called Michael whenever they needed something fixed, even Maria after their pretty shitty break-up (though they had become friends again), even Kyle (they still didn’t like each other).

But Michael, being the resident drunk and bad-boy always showed up. The fact that the residents of Roswell still treated him like shit even when they called him for every little thing, made Alex’s heart hurt for his sweet boyfriend.

It had taken Maria refusing to serve drinks to anyone who treated Michael like shit and The Righteous Fury of Isobel Evans, which frankly was scarier than anything, to make people treat Michael somewhat with respect. But when the Hospital’s power had shut down and no one could fix it besides Michael, saving several people (including kids) on life support, Roswell had calmed down and finally started treated him like a valuable member of their town.

Alex knows that Michael will never admit it, but people saying Hello, Thank you and Goodbye when they come by the junkyard, means more to him than anything after living so long being the pariah of the town.

But that still doesn’t help with how he can make Michael take a look at his car without being mocked. He already knows Michael would do anything for him, he would do the same for Michael, but Michael still won’t do it quietly. He’ll make stupid comments that’ll make Alex want to strangle him because he knows he’s right, and that’s not good for any relationship. Besides, Michael should never know just how many times he’s right, there will be no living with him.

Which means he needs to come up with a plan. A plan Michael hopefully won’t be able to resist going along with that will also get Alex what he wants. A plan that hopefully makes Michael forget comments and being right. Well, there’s only one plan that will work for that.

He sets course for the junkyard, knowing it’s late enough in the day that Michael is probably there alone by now, or he will be soon. It only takes him a ten minute, bumpy, drive but sure enough, Michael is alone with his top half under the hood of a gray Mercedes. He moved from under the hood as he hears the car, and smiles when he sees Alex’s car stop. He’s wearing dirty jeans, an oil stained white t-shirt and the ever-present cowboy hat on his head. Which means Alex needs to work fast and he’s ready the second he gets out of the car.

“Hey-”

“Hello Mr. Guerin,” Alex interrupts. Michael’s eyes go wide, with wonder, amusement and just a tiny bit of lust. Oh yeah, this’ll work. “I was wondering if you could take a look at the shocks of my car? They seem to be a bit… stiff.”

“I-uh. Sure, I can take a look,” Michael replies, full on gaping at him at this point.

“Oh can you, that would be very kind. It’s been a bit of a bouncy ride these last few weeks, and it keeps. Squeaking.”

“Squeaking.”

“Mhm. Maybe even more like a whimper.” He knows he’s laying it on thick, but it’s worth it for the audible swallow Michael does. He walks closer and lays a hand ever so softly against his chest. “I would really appreciate it, Mr. Guerin.”

Michael searches his eyes for a few minutes, flickering back and forth as he tries to determine what it is exactly Alex wants. In the end, he just nods, a wry smile on his lips.

“Of course, Captain Manes. Give me a few minutes to check out the, uh, situation,” he says, fingers coming up to lightly flick the brim of the cowboy hat still on his head. Alex bites his lip and smiles as he steps back and does a lazy gesture against his car, a gesture he knows make Michael nostrils flare in obvious interest, especially when paired with the lip bite. It works as well as it always does, Michael gives him a dark look before he strides over to Alex’s SUV. The examination doesn’t take more than ten minutes, as Michael walks around the car, but it does enable Alex to ogle his boyfriends fantastic behind when he bends down or crouches to check the struts and shocks on each tire.

“Yeah, the shocks definitely need replacing, might be worth checking out the rest of the suspension too, just in case. How long have you had this car?”

“Oh not that long, I bought it used. How much do you think it’ll cost me?”

Michael narrows his eyes slightly, but Alex just smiles so he will keep playing along. “Probably about a grand. They’re a bit more expensive for this kind of SUV.”

“Oh…”

“Is there a problem?” Michael asks, suspicion lacing his voice now. He knows Alex is good for it, which means he is definitely on to him.

“I don’t have that kind of money. Is there… Any other way I could pay it off?” he replies, walking with slow, measured steps towards Michael.

“Like what?”

“Hmm.” He stops in front of him, slowly pulling off his shirt, leaving him only in a blue t-shirt. He bites his lip again and looks up at Michael through his lashes as he settles his hand low on Michael’s stomach, as close to the ridiculously large belt buckle as he can. “Maybe I can help you out with that boner you seem to be getting.”

For a moment, Michael froze so completely that Alex’s brain started shouting for him to abort mission, as if he had royally fucked up by trying to play a game Michael did not approve of. But that quickly goes away as he notices Michael’s pupils dilate, the way his breath stutters for the smallest second, the way the tiniest of shivers run through his body.

“I’m sure we can work out some, arrangement,” Michael replies, the muscles of his arms tensing as if he’s preparing for something that Alex really wants to be a part of. “Maybe you can show me your particular set of skills.”

“I’d love too, Mr. Guerin.” He slides his hand down over the belt buckle, cupping Michael’s noticeably growing erection. He gets a growl directly into his ear for his troubles, the growl intensifying when he lifts his other hand and lightly flicks a nipple with his fingernail. He lifts his hand further and plucks Michael’s black hat from his head.

“Mind if I borrow this?” He asks, just as he places it firmly on his own head. Alex wearing his hat turns Michael on just as much as Michael in full mechanical mode turns Alex on and they both know it. Alex isn’t surprised when he’s swiftly turned around shoved up against the front of his SUV, Michael plastering himself to his front.

“Now, don’t be a tease, darlin’. You want that suspension checked out and those shocks replaced, I’d really like it if you would get naked so I can touch you,” Michael all but growls out. He follows his words with his hands sliding inside Alex’s t-shirt, caressing his stomach and sides as he slowly lifts the t-shirt up. Alex just lifts his hands and lets Michael take it off completely.

“Can I kiss you, Mr. Guerin?”

“Darlin’, you can do whatever you want.”

It’s enough of an invitation for Alex, who pulls Michael closer by his t-shirt and slots their lips together. Alex is good at many things, but he’s particularly good at kisser. He knows the tricks to bring Michael to his knees, the flick of a tongue against Michael’s that makes him moan, the soft sting of teeth that gets a clutch of his hips, the light brush of lips that makes Michael unable to let him go for any stretch of time. He utilizes every one of them, teasing Michael as he lifts his grease stained t-shirt up and off, as he runs his hands across his sweaty, toned upper body and down towards the always ridiculously large belt buckle, opening it with deft hands.

“How much did you say those shocks were going to cost me, again?” Alex whispers against Michael’s lips as he puts his hands down Michael’s pants, palming his erection. He’s fully hard by now, and Alex congratulates himself on another job well done. He’s also very thankful that Michael never wears underwear.

“The uh, shocks are about 200 a pop,” Michael starts, as Alex lowers the zipper on his jeans to give himself better room.

“Mhm, and checking the suspension, what’ll that cost me?”

“De-depends on if you have to do something abo-, shit, about it. Checking it fully will be around 200, changing it will be- Jesus Christ how do you expect me to concentrate when you do that?”

“When I do what?” Alex asks innocently, his hand gently rolling Michael’s balls in his hand. “I need a cost assessment so I know what I’m using my skills to pay off.”

“I’ll tell you what you can use your fucking skills for,” Michael suddenly says, one hand coming up to grip Alex’s hair as the other wrenches his hand out of his pants. “Get down on your knees, and suck me off. Make sure I’m good and hard, then I want you to turn around, open your pants and get yourself ready so I can fuck you.”

Alex takes a deep breath, as the want surges through him. “Yes, Mr. Guerin.”

Michael holds out a hand just in case he needs it, for when he goes down on the prosthesis, but Alex knows what he’s doing at this point, sliding as smoothly onto his knees as he can and pulling down Michael’s jeans at the same time. The dick in front of him is as perfect as it’s always been, it makes him want to lick Michael all over. But he doesn’t have time for that, so he settles for licking the head of Michael’s dick, causing a loud groan to escape Michael’s mouth.

“You have a beautiful dick, Mr. Guerin.”

“Jesus you’re laying it on thick,” Michael murmurs above him, which turns into another groan as Alex takes the head of his dick in his mouth and gives it a light suck.

“Don’t you like it, Mr. Guerin?”

“I do, sweetheart. Believe me, I do.”

“Good,” Alex says with a grin, before he sucks as much of Michael’s dick into his mouth as he can fit. IT’s always an experience sucking Michael’s dick, the moans he gets from tonguing the head, the slight whimper as he doesn’t cover his teeth and runs them lightly across the shaft. The shudder as he plays with the slit and fondles his balls at the same time. It’s euphoria to turn someone on this much, just by being who he is.

“That’s enough darlin’, I really don’t want to come before I get my dick inside of you,” Michael says, pulling himself back until only the head is still in Alex’s mouth, who can resist a hard suck that elicits a groan out of Michael.

“Whatever you say, Mr. Guerin,” Alex replies, as he releases the head of Michael’s erection with a soft pop. Michael holds out a hand to help him up, attentive to a fault, and drags him into a kiss when he’s back on his feet. It’s a slow, lazy kiss, tongues tangling and lips brushing as Michael opens Alex’s pants, pushing them down along with his boxers to get a hand on his ass.

“I really love your ass.”

“Good. You got lube?”

Michael replied by stretching his hand out and turning slightly towards the Airstream, where the door opened and lube zoomed into his hand seconds later. “Yes, now turn around darlin’.”

Alex didn’t answer, just pulled Michael into another short but filthy kiss before he turned around and leaned against his car. He leaned forward, separating his feet as much as he could as Michael pushed his pants and boxers even lower, his hand softly caressing the inside of Alex’s thigh as he went back up. The quiet snick of the opening lube came a second later, followed by a wet thumb ever so slightly pushing against his rim.

“Prep?”

“Don’t need much, just, please, Mr. Guerin.

Michael’s hand comes up and tangles in his hair, pulling his head backwards as he sets his teeth in Alex’s neck, biting down firmly until Alex moans loudly. He soothes the bite with his tongue after, as his thumb starts to lightly push against Alex’s entrance, testing how much prep he actually needs. Considering they had sex earlier than morning, it gives easily enough and Alex whimpers as Michael pushes his thumb as far in as he can.

“Guess you weren’t lying. Good boy,” Michael whispers hotly in his ear as he removes his thumb to another whimper from Alex, replacing it quickly enough by his finger. He moves it in and out a few times, lightly crooking his finger before joining it with a second. As much as Alex knows what makes Michael tick, vice versa is also true. Michael knows exactly how to take Alex apart with only a touch, with teeth in his neck and a hand softly pulling his hair. The two fingers moving firmly inside him are proof of that, avoiding his prostate except for intentional jabs every now and then to stimulate it, the teasing tongue that sometimes replaced the nibbling teeth just another testament to how well Michael knows him.

He whimpers again, as Michael removes his fingers. The ripping of a condom wrapper makes him look back, watching as Michael rolls it down his erection and dribbles some more lube on, winking at Alex as he notices him watching. They don’t need words at this point, the look in their eyes are more than enough to tell them if they still want this.

Michael searches his for a moment, before he lines up, his hand clutching his hip tightly as he starts to push in. The slight discomfort at the stretch is exactly why he didn’t want more prep, he likes feeling it when Michael’s not in him any more.

“You okay?” Michael asks, and Alex only nods, pushing his ass back further to get Michael to move. Michael chuckles, biting down hard on his neck to make Alex gasp as he pushes all the way in. They might be a couple that doesn’t care much for the traditional top or bottom roles, but holy hell does it feel good to have Michael inside of him, the way his dick drags just correctly, the slight angle change Michael does to push against his prostate with every motion. It drives him crazy, the way Michael takes his time, prolonging the pleasure and drawing every bit of emotion out of him. He can’t stop making noises as Michael pushes back inside of him, can’t stop the whimpers as he pulls back. He knows they are out in public, if anyone comes to the Junkyard they will see them and their drawn out coupling in full color, complete with noises and Alex looking wrecked.

He contemplates jerking himself off, but all that flies out of the window as Michael starts with the short, but powerful jabs, driving himself in and out of him with a motion that would push his own already painful erection into the SUV if Michael wasn’t holding him in place with both hands on his hips.

“Mi-Michael!” he all but screams out as Michael pushes in hard against his prostate and stays there, rotating his hips so he can drag his dig just. Right inside Alex.

“Hush, darlin’,” Michael answers back, snaking his hand around to fist Alex’s dick, holding him tight as Michael moves his hand along his dick, grinding his hips into Alex’s ass at the same time. It’s euphoric, the perfect pressure on his prostate and on his dick.

The orgasm takes him completely by surprise, it just rushes up inside of him as Michael once again tugs his hair and bites his neck in the same place as before, the sharp sting of pain and pleasure making him tumble over the edge, his dick jerking in Michael’s grip as he moans loudly, his hands curling on the hood of the car. He feels Michael still behind him, only his hand moving gently on his dick to wring every last sensation out of him, falling away when Alex lets loose a moan that means he’s about to be overstimulated. But he’s determined to see this through.

“Come on, Mr. Guerin, don’t you want to come in my ass?”

He’s lifted up by Michael’s hand snaking around his chest shortly after, the other hand still in his hair. “You are laying it on way thick.”

“Are you saying you don’t like it?” he asks, pushing his ass back against Michael’s hips. That only gets him a short growl, before Michael pushes him back down against the car, pulling out and slamming back into him.

He can’t help but moan as Michael sets a hard and fast pace, designed only for his own pleasure. It still turns him on, Michael’s hand holding him down ever so gently, as he pushes in and out of him, rough circular motions in between. He takes it all, short moans leaving him whenever Michael does something he likes particularly well.

It doesn’t take long before Michael’s rhythm starts to falter, his breathing turns rougher, his hands grip harder. Alex rides it out, pushing back against him the way he knows Michael likes until Michael pushes in deep, freezing as a guttural groan leaves him. Alex can feel him coming, feels it in the way Michael plasters himself up against his back, circling him with his arms as his hips jerks one, two times.

It’s always been one of the hottest things Alex knows, the way Michael just surrenders himself when he comes. It makes Alex grin, pulling Michael’s arms tight around him for a second.

“I don’t know what has gotten into you Alex, but that might be one of the hottest things I have ever done.”

“I just wanted to have some fun,” Alex replies, laughing softly as Michael snorts.

“You know, you didn’t have to do all that just to make me check out your shocks, I would’ve done that for free anyway.”

“I know, Michael. I wanted too.”

“Good. Also, the next time you buy a new car, just take me with you. That way you won’t buy a car with bad suspension.”

Damn it.

#rnmweek19 #roswellweek19 #day 3 #malex fic #my fic #this is absolutely ridiculous and i love it okay #alex manes #michael guerin #mechanic michael

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axther · 4 years ago

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Hi! I loved the way you did my Bnha matchup awhile ago and I was wondering if I could get a Haikyuu one! I’m a 5’1 pan female with long hair that fades from red to blonde. I am very curvy/busty and I am very insecure about it. I am soft-spoken, intelligent, shy, extremely patient, and I get flustered really easily. I love to play the ukulele and sing! I have been bullied for most of my life. I’m also an INTJ, Aquarius and Hufflepuff! Thank you so much!

omfg im so sorry queen 😔 i took far too long w this. I started this at midnight and all my sins are outside the door (05/26: peep the grapes of wrath reference 👀) (also I would just like to mention that i saw the difference between this matchup and your previous one, and the first one was four pages in total. On this one, the first first matchup is four pages. I’m genuinely seeing progress, and it’s throwing me for a loop)

#1 is...Kuroo!

you saw this coming, let’s not lie

Kuroo is abso-fucking-lutely a tiddy man

Patient plus gets flustered easily??

Redhead?????

Sign this bastard up right now

You walked in through the door and in .005 seconds he’s at your side

“Hey hey hey there, cutie! You here looking for someone?”

You tell him that you’re there to apply as a manager

and you’re already lighting up like a Christmas tree

Yamamoto is crying in the background because hallelujah, they’ve got a cute manager!!

And off the bat, Kuroo’s there for you

The flirting gets taken back a notch so you can focus on your duties as manager

But once you have a moment??

He’s at your side like glue

Slowly, you create yourself a niche on the team

They joke that you and Yaku are good mom/bad mom

And Kuroo watches it all

Lev sometimes pisses him off by getting a step too close

And Kenma just gives Kuroo a side glance

And it takes him little over three months to realise that he has a crush on you

What worries him about it is that this is a genuine crush

Most of the ones he had before were driven by looks, or by a solitary incident

And he would just bottle it up and let it fade

But this time??

He’s this 🤏 close to getting a ring and proposing on the SPOT

So while you had out water bottles he leans against the wall with a lovesick grin

And he pines

But one day

You were let off your duties one day

And after practice, Kuroo goes to look for you

And he hears snickering by the music room

And he turns

Some girls tease you about being thiccer than them

And you’re about to cry and you’re holding yourself

There’s a ukelele in your arms but you’re clearly upset

Kuroo steps in immediately

He’s furious because Jesus Christ, girls can be so damn mean

And he’s biting their heads off

And no matter how they try to play it off, he’s not having it

Once they leave with hisses and their wounded pride, you drop to the floor on your knees

He’s kneeling with you, talking as softly and gently as he can

And honestly?

He’s panicking, too.

He’s a bit of a womaniser, yes, but most of the time it results in little more than first dates

And here’s the girl of his dreams, breaking down in the hallway after school’s over

About fifteen minutes in, Kenma and Yaku find him and you

And you have your head on his shoulder, and you’ve cried yourself asleep

He looks up at them, puts a finger to his mouth, and the two leaves

The next day Kuroo’s literally never leaving your side

He told all of the team what happened

And Lev mentioned it to his seatmate

Who mentioned it to a TA

Who mentioned it to...yeah you know what’s up

So when you get to your shoe locker, it’s filled with positive notes and even some sweets!

There’s even a rose in there, and you keep all of it with you all day

Classmates come up and tell you that if you need anything, they’re there for you!

The three girls that started it in the first place are forced to publicly apologise, thanks to not only both of the volleyball teams but a couple of delinquents that lent some muscle

Kuroo is with you all day and he’s ecstatic that people are coming together to make you happy! And soon enough people figure out exactly why Kuroo had to be picked up and dragged away from your class

And soon you and Kuroo become the talk of the school, in the way that you and Kuroo don’t know

People ship it ofc 😚✨

by the end of the week people are asking Kuroo when he’s going to get the balls to ask you out

Very quickly he has the support of the entire school on asking you out

Cue the wildest week of his life

Everyone’s giving him ideas left and right

And he gets overwhelmed, which feels weird, but that friday, he’s walking you home

And he’s biting his lip, but in a nervous way

You lean in and ask him what’s wrong

“Nothing! Nothing at all! Just thinking at lot, that’s all. Nothing you should worry your pretty little head about.”

He ruffles your hair but you see right through him

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

And there’s a moment

He stood still

The hundred muscles in his neck stood out in high relief

And the sunset went deep into his eyes and lit the embers in them

And before you or him could think

He leans down and kisses you

It’s soft, and quiet, lingering but barely there

Neither of you pull away until he opens his eyes, and he takes a second,

And you stare up at him

And he’s staring at you

And then he steals another kiss again, this time definitely there,

And he picks you up and swings you around while still kissing you

When you pull away from breath he’s laughing and just giddy as hell

He holds you in his arms, rocking you back and forth

He’s nuzzling your hair and just so, so soft

Damn now I feel soft

#2 is...Nishinoya!

Boy is THRILLED

You’re shorter than him!!

Than HIM!!!! As soon as he sees you he’s on his knees begging to god he has a chance

You call him ‘sempai’ and the boy is gone

He can and will dramatically fall over with his hand over his heart every time you do anything vaguely cute

Though you brush off his affections, considering how he would act around Kiyoko, he’s dead serious

As soon as he realises he likes you, he’ll stop flirting with anyone else

It’s abrupt, and most of the team notices

The best way to convey how he feels about you is this

99 percent of the time, your interactions could be considered as him, laying on his stomach and letting his legs swing back and forth

And he’s staring at you with a blush and holding up his head with his hands while you literally just stand there

But anyway

Even though everyone wants to help Nishinoya get with you, he refuses

He wants this to be 200% his own making!!

All from the heart!!

He starts out with flirting with you like he used to

But when all that happens is that you get flustered, he moves onto plan B

And that’s gifts!!

You find that every day, as soon as you step into the gym, Nishinoya has some sort of treat or present

The first day, he gave you GariGari popsicles

the second, he gave a bunch of crude (but well intentioned) chocolates

He’s doing his absolute best!!

You get an inkling of an idea, but you’re too shy to ask him what his intentions are 👉👈

And though he’s so rambunctious, he’s too shy to tell you outright immediately 👉👈

It goes to mutual pining

And then he gives you another gift...

So it’s just this cycle

(and now the meme makes sense)

But then, after a month, it becomes clear to Nishinoya and his wallet that this isn’t working

So he leaves love letters!!

He wants to be as romantic as possible!!

And every time you get them, he sees you get all giddy and flustered and now he’s giddy

Does Tanaka call him a simp?

Yes

But he calls Tanaka a simp for Kiyoko right on back, so...

#3 is...Yachi!

Blushy baby blushy baby blushy baby

Take one (1) look at her and tell me she wouldn’t absolutely have a crush on you

She has the cute classmate that gets really flustered

And is super sweet and patient and never get angry

Oh my god she would love you so much

She wouldn’t confess to your face, either

She blabs to the entire team and all her friends about you

And it’s cute as hell because she’ll talk about how gentle you were when someone was freaking out over a test

Or how you aced said test

She’s in constant awe of you

She thinks you’re an angel

So one day, while she’s talking to her friends

And you were supposed to be out delivering papers, but you’re done early

You overhear her

“She’s just so kind and sweet and pretty...I love her so much…”

Yachi sounds so dejected

You want to comfort her

But then

“Honestly, YN’s just the best girl...she’s pretty, and she’s smart. I don’t think I’d ever be able to ask her out.”

Yachi’s friends see you right behind her

And they’re all like ‘ahaha we dippin’

As they leave, Yachi turns

And is face to face with you

She lights up in the spot

And she’s stammering, trying to somehow make an excuse

When you give her a soft smile and play a bit with your hands

“I would….I would like it if, maybe, a-and you don’t have to if you don’t want to! But there’s a crepe shop that just opened, and would you wanna…?”

You ask her, and she’s elated

She’s lowkey shrieking with joy

She’s jumping on you with a hug

And she may be bright red, but goddamnit!! She’s gonna kiss her gf!!!

@shslpotato

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #matchup #matchups #haikyuu matchup

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groovyzombiellama · 6 years ago

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The Call

Title: The Call Requested? No. Plot: You answer the phone to the worst possible news in your life, your Old Man and your brother being held hostage and you devise a plan with the rest of the Sons to have them set free. Word count: 1472

---***---

It was a Saturday like any other, you woke up, got ready for the day, had breakfast and sent your Old Man off to church. You chose not to get too involved with this job, since the last time you got involved in a gun trading business almost ended up with you losing your life, and Jax agreed fully with your decision. He still had nightmares of those events from time to time, not just while he was sleeping, but also almost every waking moment since they accepted to do this job. So you had no idea what they were going to be doing, or who with, only the important details that Jax always gives you before every job so you would know what to do and who to call in case something goes south. You actually had no idea how south things are going to go, until you answer your phone to a voice you’ve never heard before call you from Jax’s burner phone. You start freaking out, unsure of what to do, and demand that the caller confirms to you that you that Jax is okay, otherwise there was no deal. You could only hear the man snort on the other end, informing you that you’ve got some serious balls to be demanding anything from him.

“Darlin’ I’m so sorry. Please don’t get involved.“ Jax begins to say into the phone, and your heartbeat slows down a little when you hear his voice, but all of a sudden you feel your hands start to shake as Jax grunts, signaling the man holding the phone to his ear hurt him in some way. You wanted nothing more than to rip his heart out for even thinking of touching the love of your life. Tears begin to stream down your cheeks and your hand covers your mouth, as your eyes widen once you hear a click, signaling a gun is being cocked, and you didn’t need a long time to figure out that it was pointed at your Old Man. The man who called you spoke once again, indicating that you get another shot to get the information about the merchandise from Jax, before one of the two most important people in your life gets shot. “If I don’t get the information about the merchandise, you’ll get to choose who dies, your brother or your Old Man.“ Your hand flew up to your mouth once you heard that, realizing Jax was not the only one who was captured, but Opie too. You could feel a panic attack starting to creep up on you, and you had to remind yourself to stay calm.

Then you heard Jax’s voice again and that helped you calm down at least a little bit. Jax recognized the pace your breath was at and asked you to calm down and try your best to focus on what he was telling you. You wrote down all of his instructions so you wouldn’t forget it in the moment, and after calming down for a few minutes, you memorized everything and burned the piece of paper you wrote on, just in case some rivals decide to come raid your house while you’re gone. After doing everything Jax instructed you to, it was time to head over to the drop point, and you prayed to god that Gemma would not ask you a lot of questions once you drop the boys off at her house for the night. She knew from the look on your face immediately that something was wrong, and your eyes potrayed fear, nervousness and determination all mixed into one. You were terrified of what could happen, but you were going to make sure that you do whatever you can to get your brother and Old Man back safely.

While you were driving, you remembered the time you were involved with one of Jax’s jobs and how it could have ended, gently touching the scar on your left shoulder that was your reminder of the events. You got stabbed in the shoulder and left to bleed, the blade slicing just inches from your artery. Thankfully Jax found you in time to drive you to the hospital. You placed a kiss on your “Jax“ necklace and the crow pendant next to it, as it has been keeping you safe since then, as you saw it waiting for you in a box on the living room table when you were back from the hospital. Jax caught Opie looking at him and could immediately tell that neither one of the men wanted you involved in any of this shit. They shouldn’t have come alone, but they hoped that you would team up with the rest of the guys and have them hide and wait to help in case things go bad. And you did, as you were nearing the drop point, you gave Happy a call, letting him know what you know and after waiting for him and the rest to show up, a plan was in motion. You opened your trunk and each one of the guys took a gun, courtesy of Gemma. Kozik and Tig were gonna take the left side of the drop point, Happy and Chibs were on the right, and Juice was given the honor of getting the MB13.

Your heart dropped as you saw Jax and Opie with three men next to each of them pointing their guns at them stepped out first and the man who you guessed was the one who called you was using them as a shield. You were instructed to hand the merchandise over to one of the prospects that was sent out, but instead of just giving him what was asked of you, you pulled out your gun behind you and shot the prospect. “Get on the ground!“ You yelled at Opie and Jax, and they managed to free themselves and do so as the grip of their captors was loosened by their surprise due to your plot twist. They were all taken down one by one, they perfectly positioned them far enough to be able to get taken down by two of the Sons each, without damaging Jax or Opie. The lead gang member was shocked and pulled out his gun, ready to shoot it at you, but it was quickly shot out of his grasp by Juice. You rolled your eyes and looked over behind you to the far away spot you knew he was positioned at with a grin, knowing his “have fun with it“ meter was higher than the “just end it so we can go home“ one.

You raise your arms at him, before dropping them in annoyance, knowing he’s got that shit eating grin of his on his face, and he finally got to live out his fantasy of bringing the headshot he only saw in games so far to life. Your hand flew up again, only this time forming the heavy metal horns with your fingers, knowing you made him chuckle. After Jax was freed from his handcuffs you ran up to him to engulf him in your arms. “Thank you darlin’, for always having my back. Jesus Christ I love you so much!“ Jax said into your hair as he held you close to him, as if you could vanish at any moment. You told him you loved him back and that you’d always have his back, before kissing his cheek and parting slightly. You both heard the click of Opies handcuffs hitting the ground and you rushed to hug your brother.

“Whoa there little bug, you’re gonna knock me over!“ Opie said with a chuckle as he took a few steps back once you collided with him. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at the nickname, he has been calling you that ever since you were kids, because he’s older than you and you just loved to bug him and annoy him when you were little, because you looked up to him so much. “I’m so happy you are safe. But if you call me that one more time I’ll let Juice know he can claim another headshot.“ You winked at your brother, earning a chuckle from him as you kissed his cheek too. It was time to head home, and you were driving with Jax in the passanger side, holding your hand and looking at you in adoration, and Kozik and Chibs in the back, while Juice, Tig, Happy and Opie were driving behind you. You could finally let out a breath of relief, followed by laughter as everyone was commenting on your skills as a leader, including the guys driving behind you on the speakerphone. You looked over at Jax who winked at you. These crazy men were your family, and you wouldn’t have it any other way.

---***--- Hey guys, I hope you like it :) I have one more request for a written imagine with Jax in the making, one about Theo Raeken and one about Eddie Brock. So go ahead and send in requests if you have any and I’ll make sure I finish them. I’m a little short on time because I have exams the next three days and I should focus on that, but after that, I hope to be back with those three fics and I was thinking about doing some social media posts too, or texting fics with Jax (or any other SOA character) along with the written stuff, so send in requests for those too. Also, keep in mind that I will write for any celeb you want and if I have never seen anything about the character or celeb you can fill me in a little bit and I’ll write about it to the best of my abilities. Requests are open, and I continue posting after the from the 4th of April, so keep the requests coming. Also, also, I’m under 200 followers away from hitting 1k which is insane, thank you so much. If you have any ideas on what I should do to celebrate when I reach that milestone, let me know. (It could be an all types of imagines spree, or if you know a good prompts list or have your own and you would like me to write about it send it over, or something else (my brain is blank at the moment, sorry) let me know) <3

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thestarshiphope · 6 years ago

Text

Personal Log: Aishi Taro

*The recording device crackles to life*

<Begin Log, 8/00/00> I’m beginning this audio log at the recommendation of our therapeutic hologram. Just as kind of a way to keep myself sane while we’re out here. I guess I’ll start with a few details. My name is Aishi Taro, chief of security for Project Gofer. I turned 28 just before the meteor showers. I have two moms and a dad. Or...had, I guess.

Sorry, sorry, don’t wanna get morose just yet. We’ve got a crew of about 26 on board and the sixteen Ultimates in cold sleep. Orders are to keep them frozen until we arrive. No idea why, and it’s a shame. I’d love to talk to them. I’m sure they’ve got some stories to tell.

Also, because Earth time doesn’t really matter out here, we’ve been counting up since we left. It’s been 200 hours since launch, so a little over 8 days. We’re already coming up to Uranus’ orbit soon. Yes, haha, that’s so funny.

<Begin Log, 29/00/00> We’ve just crossed the Kuiper Belt, which means we’re officially beyond the Solar System’s borders. Hard to believe we’re never going back. All we can do now is keep moving forward. Not that that’s sitting well with a lot of the crew; most of them are homesick, depressed, and agitated. There’s already been two fistfights I had to break up.

Okabe and Yamasaki are always in the lab, tending to the Ultimates’ pods. I have to make sure they’re sleeping and eating properly. Honestly, I’ve been slacking on it myself. I looked into one of the pods, just to see if I could see any of them, but it’s fogged up. I feel so sorry for these kids. They had no idea what they were really in for.

<Begin Log, 17/02/00> Sure is a lot of nothing out here. Yeah, the stars are pretty, but other than that it’s just void. All that’s separating us from are a couple centimeters of metal, plastic, and glass. Okay, okay, not gonna think too much about that. We’ve been having fewer incidents, and I think we’ve started to settle into the idea that this is home now.

We all try to keep ourselves busy. Not much time for small talk, although I have been talking to Kobayashi lately. She’s real pretty, but I can tell she’s been depressed ever since we left home. Maybe I’ll ask her out, see if she’d be interested. Not much we can do here, but hey, a little company’s nice, right?

<Begin Log, 24/04/00> My date with Kobayashi went well, I think. It’s the first time I’ve seen her smile since we got here, so that’s gotta count for something. She brought up the breeding program, but then asked me to forget about it. Honestly, it’s been on my mind too. We’re all expected to do our part in one way or another.

Not that that’s the only reason I’ve been talking to her. I mean, yeah, she’s pretty, but she’s a great conversationalist too. We talked for about three hours nonstop yesterday. She gets so passionate about her work. Thanks to her, our colony’s going to have some fast-growing plants with rich fruits and vegetables.

Not that we’ll get to enjoy them. For now, we’re stuck eating worms and algae wafers. Better than nothing, I guess. Anyway, I think I’m gonna ask her out again tomorrow. I wanna hear more about what she has to say.

<Begin Log, 16/08/00> We had our first death today. Hibiki, one of the junior scientists, locked himself in his room and overdosed on medication. Okabe and Yamasaki have taken it the hardest. It was during my latest date with Kotone as well, and I think she might be blaming herself as well. As of today, nobody’s allowed medicine without supervision.

I wonder how many others have been contemplating the same thing. I hope this doesn’t happen again.

<Begin Log, 22/02/01> Kotone’s pregnant. I was so excited when she told me. It w@sn’t ab0ut the pr gram, bu-

-nev3r h@d the chance aga1n.

<Begin Log, 04/05/04> For the first time, we’ve passed another star. Proxima Centauri, I think it’s called. Kotone and Mio were so excited. For a little bit, I thought our journey was over, but Yamasaki told me we’ve got a long ways to go. Proxima Centauri does have a planet, but the star’s too unstable for us to stay there.

I hope we get there before Mio has kids of her own. She deserves to at least know what living on a planet feels like before then.

-gin log, 10/10/15> I talked to Kotone today, and she told me some strange things. She said that, last week, when she went into the lab, Yamasaki was...well, he wasn’t doing anything. That’s just it. He was standing in the corner of the room, staring out the window. When she went to check on him, she noticed he had purple bit marks along his wrist and hand. And they were self-inflicted. Otherwise, he seemed pretty normal, which is even weirder.

Yamasaki’s been acting twitchy lately. I don’t know what it is, but our therapy hologram’s been trying to help him.

Even that doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Last night, I heard a scratching outside my door. I went to check, but...nobody was there.

I swear to God, if I find a penrose triangle drawn anywhere, I’m going to start interrogating everyone. At least Kotone’s keeping Mio out of this.

<Begin log, 16/10/15> The weirdest thing just happened.

It was during our night time. I heard a loud banging noise from outside my door, kinda like the scratching from a few days ago. But then I heard it again. And again. After the fourth time, I got up to check out what it was.

And...I don’t even know how to describe it. It was Sasaki. He was standing there at the end of the hall, I only saw his shadow at first, but he was...he was smashing his forehead against the wall. Just standing there and smashing it, over and over. As I got closer, I noticed the bloodstain he’d left on the wall, as well as the open wound on his forehead.

When I tried to get his attention, he just seemed dazed. Like he wasn’t really there. After I was able to wrestle him away from the wall and to the infirmary, he suddenly came back. He’s in recovery and they’re checking to see if he’s suffered any sort of brain injury.

What the hell is happening on this ship?

<Begin log, 15/11/15> What the actual flying fuck is happening around here? Kotone went in for work today, but she...she found Okabe. He was almost dead, with a syringe jammed into one of his eyes. He’s in intensive care right now and now we’re looking for the one who did it. Kotone’s keeping Mio safe, thankfully.

Yamasaki’s missing. I hope he wasn’t taken.

I miss when things were boring.

<Begin log, 24/11/15> We found Yamasaki on the fourth deck. He’d chewed the ends of his fingers into bloody stumps and was writing messages on the walls.

He’d gone pure fucking mental. I guess fifteen years in space can do that to a guy. He’s the one who went and stabbed Okabe in the eye. He tried to attack us too. I shot him in the knee and we locked him in an empty storage room with some food, just so we’ll have a temporary place to keep him until he calms down.

Even if he has gone mental, that doesn’t explain what’s happened to people like Sasaki. Is our ship haunted? Is this a curse for abandoning everyone back on Earth?

<Begin log, 04/12/15> More than half the crew’s refusing to work. They’re not acting like themselves right now, or they’re talking pure nonsense, like how one of them is president of last Tuesday. Others forget who we are or forget what they were talking about midway through a sentence. Some are even saying things like how we need to turn around and go back to Earth, or that we should cut the life support for the ultimates and Okabe. If they start getting violent, I might have to resort to more extreme measures.

Not that I want to. Eight of the women are pregnant.

Kotone...Mio...God, please protect them.

<Begin log, 24/12/15> Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

This is bad. This is really fucking bad. There was another fight on the top decks, now we’ve basically got a riot going on. At least five crew members are dead. I’m stuck down here on the third deck with Sasaki and Chief Engineer Mizuguchi. We’ve heard gunshots and screams from upstairs.

I can’t get to Kotone and Mio down here! I need to get back up there!

<Begin log, 30/12/15> We couldn’t get up to the top decks. We had no choice but to barricade ourselves in heat exchange and hope it all dies down.

While we were building the barricade, one of them came down to us and pulled out a knife. I shot him, but it hardly seemed like it phased him until he started walking away, dragging a bloody hand across the wall.

I’m down to my last magazine. I need to save our bullets.

<Begin log, 11/01/16> It’s quiet. Too quiet.

<Begin log, 29/01/16> Please. Where’s Kotone and Mio? Sasaki’s on his side, rocking back and forth with a blank look on his face. Mizuguchi’s cradling his stomach in pain. He must be hungry.

Uesugi, why aren’t you there? Why aren’t you helping us? What’s wrong with you?

<Begin log, 13/02/16> It’s all quiet now. I don’t know what happened, but I can’t even hear people walking around upstairs. And at this point, the three of us are too weak to move the barricade. All I’ve got is one can of food left and the seven bullets still in my gun.

I don’t know what’s happened to the Ultimates either. Maybe they’re still frozen or they did cut off life support like they said. I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know at this point.

Is this it? Are we the only ones left? Humanity’s last hope devolving into...this? All of that culture and history and it just comes down to three starving, dying, incoherent men? Some legacy, eh?

Kotone...Mio...I love you both. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.

<Begin log, 25/02/16> I’m alone now. I shot them both while they were asleep. They were in pain, rambling, gibbering, they wouldn’t shut up. I can’t move anymore. Don’t want to.

<Begin log, 05/03/16> *There’s a long silence followed by a soft laughter that devolves into frenzied heaving. There’s the sound of a gunshot and metallic clattering. The rest of the recording is one long stretch of ghostly silence*

*Recording ends*

Jesus fucking Christ...

#danganronpa #v3 #danganronpa v3 #miu iruma #starship hope #DR #ndrv3

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makeste · 6 years ago

Text

BnHA Chapter 015: Some Antics on a Boat

Previously on BnHA: Field trip from hell. Ride of the Valkyries played while about 200 villains appeared out of nowhere and tried to murder our beloved superpowered children and split them all up, thus setting the stage for lots of mayhem.

Today on BnHA: We meet the U.A. principal. Deku hangs out with Tsuyu and Mineta on a boat. Mineta gets a lot of focus, and I was prepared for it to be the worst thing ever, but it mostly isn’t, except for about once every four pages or so, when it kinda is.

(ETA: Yeah so he officially took it Too Far in chapter 17 and as of that chapter is now in fact dead to me. But I’m not gonna bother changing the recap, so you can all come along on that journey with me if you are so inclined.)

(As always, all comments not marked with an ETA are my unspoiled reactions from my first readthrough of this chapter. I’ve read up through chapter 19 23 now, so any ETAs will reflect that.)

I really have to hunt down these color pages one of these days. I tried a brief google search the other day but it brought up too many pages I hadn’t seen yet, and I didn’t want to spoil myself by accident. guess I’ll have to be patient

son of a bitch All Might is in the break room all the way back at fucking U.A.??

here I thought there was a break room hidden somewhere in USJ. I mean, you’d think they would have one; rescue training has got to be tiring

he says he should be fine in another ten minutes. then he says he’s going now

but he immediately coughs up blood orz

HEY IT’S THIS PANDA WITH A SCAR!! I KNOW THIS GUY! well I don’t know him but I’ve seen him before!

holy fucking SHIT he’s the fucking principal??

what the fuck kind of I’ll-fuck-your-shit-up powers is he fucking hiding behind that cuddly face then

because I know it’s just an assumption, but surely the principal of U.A. has to be a stone-cold badass, right?

I can’t believe this fucking little gerbil knows Deku’s secret

now he’s fucking plugging the fucking superhero vitamin shoppe I can’t

and he’s holding up a tablet with a yahoo news article about All Might saving everyone and their fucking dog earlier that morning

that’s a nice little plug for you, tumblr. yahoo still owns this shit, right?

so this fucking rat praises All Might for being his good heroic self, but then gently tells him off and reminds him to take it easy

I’m glad he’s reminding All Might to take better care of himself, but...

you would fucking think so! and yet!!

oh my god now this guy is sitting down to have tea with him. he’s never going to make it to USJ at this rate

I have to assume the principal isn’t secretly evil, since if he was, he could take down All Might all too easily since he knows all of his fucking secrets. but he sure does have the worst fucking timing, jesus

though again, we still don’t know how much danger All Might would actually be in if he did go to USJ. those villains seemed pretty damn confident. maybe he should just stay here and enjoy some tea

he calls him “Sensei”... not sure if that’s just because the principal outranks him, or if he actually was his teacher at some point. it’s probably the former, but. hmm

and now we’re back at USJ! Thirteen and Iida are on the run along with Still Too Many Arms and The Bulky Guy with Slightly Racist Lips. (do you guys think they’re racist? idk I just think it’s 2018 and there are other ways to draw POC, Japan)

anyway, they’re fighting Dr. Neck who at this point really needs a new name because he’s still a shadowy blob and now he’s looking more like an octopus but Dr. Octopus is already taken, so

for now I’m just gonna call him Not Today, Satan. you know. cuz of all the Swirling Evil

Thirteen is sending Iida back to U.A. to let them know what’s going on since the communications and alarms are down! good thinking to send the guy with super speed. I just hope he has the stamina. they never really mentioned anything about that but I’ll assume he’s good to run however many miles back to the U.A. campus

that is, assuming he’s fast enough to dodge Not Today, Satan. but I have faith

Iida’s trying to argue that he should stay, but clearly this is the most useful thing he can do at the moment, especially considering that he’s the only one who can do it! just go, Iida.

THIS IS YOUR MOMENT, CLASS REPRESENTATIVE

lmao and I was actually thinking the same as NTS here:

oh, just, everyone. in shounen manga, ever, since the beginning of time. but I’m so fucking happy you pointed that out lmao

back on the boat, Mineta is still freaking out very unhelpfully. he thinks they should all just hide somewhere until the grown-up heroes come to save them

meanwhile, Deku is being smart and useful and brings up a very good point that hadn’t even occurred to me:

basically, he deduces that the bad guys don’t know what the kids’ quirks are. so they have the element of surprise on their side, AND the bonus advantage of the villains underestimating them

I’m super impressed with this kid’s leadership and planning skills right now. I know he’s already showed them off, but I’m still mad about him not utilizing Ochako’s powers properly the last time lol. but this time he seems to be off to a great start

also, what a contrast from his first time facing a group of intimidating “villains” back during the entrance exam! he’s come such a long way so quickly

Tsuyu starts listing all of her gross frog abilities (sorry, I love her, but “I can spit out my stomach” is not something I ever needed or wanted to know and now I kind of want to spit out my eyes from the mental image).

so gross

Mineta becomes derangedly fixated on her usage of the word “secrete” and just. why

I actually kind of wish they weren’t loudly explaining all of their strengths and weaknesses to each other within possible earshot of the baddies (some of whom could possess super-hearing for all they know), especially barely three pages after Not Today, Satan chewed out their friends for doing the same exact fucking thing. but whatever

now Mineta’s doing something. what’s your power then, Mineta. something to do with grapes I’m guessing??

how did this kid make it past the entrance exam

LMAO

THEY’RE SO MAD. EVEN DEKU. THAT’S THE MOST STERN I’VE EVER SEEN HIM. HE LOOKS LIKE LUFFY AFTER SOMEBODY HAS JUST TOLD HIM THERE’S NO FOOD

sob now Mineta is crying

this is quality fucking comedy

oh shit the villains are getting tired of waiting

um this unsettling man with a grasshopper face just fucking broke the boat in half

so Mineta shoots out a bunch of panic grapes for absolutely no reason

literally Lambo and his grenade trigger-response

I confess, I really think Mineta is cute and somewhat hilarious when he’s not being a perverted shithead

(ETA: I was young and naive and I didn’t expect him to actually go and start feeling people up holy shit)

Deku berates him at first but then realizes that the bad guys are avoiding the grapes out of an abundance of caution!

Mineta freaks out again, and I was this close to writing down a paragraph about how I really empathize with him, since he’s just a kid and only like four days into high school, and all of a sudden he’s just thrust into this situation where he might fucking die (and probably die horribly at that). this close. but then he has to ruin it with a line about how much he wishes he could have sexually assaulted Momo before he kicked it

so that’s... great

but Deku saves the moment by quoting All Might while simultaneously doing That Thing I Fucking Love where someone tries to be brave and determined even though they’re also clearly scared. look he is trembling

Deku my son you are a constant delight and a gift to the world

oh my god

sure, just casually mention Kacchan as your inspiration for whatever heroic and probably very stupid thing you’re about to do next. go ahead, do that. don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine

...that is very Kacchan-like. like, the face and everything. he knows his shit

also, what exactly is he planning to do?

so he’s thinking that he can’t take out all of them no matter how extreme he goes. and then he says something about not sacrificing his whole arm, so is he gonna pull another stunt like he did with the baseball and his index finger?

GASP HE’S THINKING ABOUT THE EGG IN THE MICROWAVE

IS HE GONNA DO IT? CLENCH LIGHTLY DEKU!!!! I BELIEVE IN YOU

HE’S PULLING BACK HIS MIDDLE FINGER OH MY GOD IS HE GONNA FLICK THE WATER AND CREATE SOME SORT OF TIDAL WAVE

AHHH

THE WORST FUCKING STATE, LITERALLY MY LEAST FAVORITE!! BUT!! ALSO ONE OF THE SMALLEST SO IT’S FITTING!!!

YESSSS

EVEN BETTER THAN A TIDAL WAVE OMG. DUDE CREATED A FUCKING VORTEX

OH FUCK ME I DIDN’T NEED TO SEE THE AFTERMATH. WE ALREADY GET IT, JESUS

lkshdgk it’s not supposed to do that fuckk

Mineta is inspired, somehow, but doesn’t know how the fuck to direct it so he just throws more grapes

but now the grapes are actually coming in handy!!

looks like team rocket’s blasting off againnnn... *ping*

yay! and Deku’s not crying even though his hand is mangled! such a brave strong boy.

and then shawarma after

BONUS:

interesting that he thinks this is somehow “the right balance”

(ETA: hey Horikoshi, psa, literally committing sexual battery is not “balance” in any way, shape, of form. jesus christ. I love Japan for the most part, but the rampant misogyny there is completely ridiculous and I really need them to get their shit together already. #metoo needs to get the fuck underway there like yesterday.)

one thing I DO like though is that Horikoshi actually gives a very thoughtful and detailed explanation for exactly how he passed the exam! thank you for that! now I can stop wondering. I still have no clue about the invisible girl though lol

#bnha #boku no hero academia #makeste reads bnha #all might #midoriya izuku #asui tsuyu #mineta minoru #it really is a shame because he could have been a perfectly serviceable character if it wasn't for this crap #that moment with him explaining his quirk on the boat and the other two just going 'jiiii' was legit one of the funniest things I've read #alas #this is why we can't have nice things

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