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rrezshifts · 1 month ago

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“ how long have i known you? „ “ forever, it seems „

ꜱᴍᴀʟʟ ᴛᴏᴡɴ ʀᴇᴀʟɪᴛʏ 𝓲𝙣𝖙𝙧𝙤

THAÏS LOU HERMÈS RIVAS. is the daughter of a french immigrant father and an indigenous mexican mother. She was raised in wealth that was accumulated through the death of a great uncle [or her father’s uncle]. Her mother and father moved to Canton, Texas on a whim, tired of California life. With the wealth accumulated they opened a small knick-knack store in town. She was born August 14th, 2003, about a couple years after her parents had settled down. By this time, her parents had befriended the Shepherd’s. A small family who had a one year old son, JAEDEN AARON SHEPHERD, by the birth of their next child. Their second child, JAMES AUGUST SHEPHERD, was born a couple months before Thaïs. As soon as the infants were deemed old enough to meet, they did. From toddlers to kids to teens, Thaïs and James grew up thick as thieves.

James “Jamie” August Shepherd ✴︎ THE BEST FRIEND

esfj 17 y/o jun. 7 ‘03 gemini unlabeled cis he/him

he sees the benefits in hard work, not just career wise, but creatively, with passions, and with people he loves. he’s loves the arts, its his guilty pleasure. music, arts and crafts, culinary, etc. he loves nature. animals are his kryptonite. his household is on a pet break bc the last death ruined him. even though he’s hard working, he learned early on the importance of breaks and self care. he can talk your ear off while still allowing you room to talk his off. if you’re a shy talker though, you’re getting nothing in. he loves showing affection. it runs in the family. they’re a very [consensual] hug and kiss centered family.

📍 Canton, Texas (pop. 4,872) | 2021

𝐈. BEFORE HIGH SCHOOL — In elementary school Thaïs and James would often talk about the weddings they saw on the TLC reruns playing on tv when they got home. Thaïs wanted to get married because of it! So did James! “Perfect,” they thought, “We’ll get married to each other!” The two were seven and had no concept of what a wedding was for other than spending the rest of your life with someone, which is what they wanted. In seventh grade Thaïs had her big Aha! moment and figured out she had a crush on James. No part of her was at all interested in telling him. So she kept that information private.

𝐈𝐈. FRESHMAN YEAR — Prior to high school Thaïs and James would go to school dances together. Purely platonic and innocent intentions. That of which are totally acceptable for 11-13 year olds. But once high school rolls around, the two discovered the harsh reality that dates to parties were no longer something that could be platonic for a girl and a boy. Their freshman year homecoming dance involved them dodging dating questions left and right, despite the fact their peers have seen them go to every dance together for the past three years. The night was awkward, they were too scared to get too close, but had no where else to go. They sat as the music played, eventually leaving the event early for James’ house, where they complained about the dance and the people there all night.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. SOPHOMORE YEAR — Thaïs and James start making new and close friends away from each other, no friend group, just two different social circles. Their time started being focused on other people. Neither of them handled the change in friendship between them very well, it pushed them farther away. The longest they’ve ever gone without seeing each other outside of school was a month. A month of worrying from their parents before Thaïs got a text from James asking how she is, and confessing that he misses her. She shared the same sentiment. And the next 15 minutes was radio silence from James as he rode his bike to her house and she heard a knock at her bedroom door. She invited James in and the two talked for hours. He ended up spending the night, which her parents think nothing of after the hundreds of sleepovers they’ve had since they were five.

𝐈𝐕. JUNIOR YEAR — Beginning of their junior year, Thaïs starts dating a boy in their class. James doesn’t like him, and tells her as such. Says he’s a dick, and that she should break up with him before he hurts her. But she doesn’t listen, chalks it up to him being overprotective. At a lake party, no adults allowed, James was searching for Thaïs, drunk, after seeing her arrive with her boyfriend his instincts told him the best way to ignore was to drink. Not much of a drinker before this, he didn’t know drunk him really wanted to talk with Thaïs. He finally spots her crying as her now ex-boyfriend yells at her behind some trees. Mind you James isn’t normally a violent person, but he was then, 4 beers deep. Punching the screaming man sends Thaïs into shock like panick as a fight breaks loose. Partygoers attempt to pull the men away from each other. But they both keep trying to go back for more. That is until Thaïs yells for James to stop, one single time, and he’s up on his feet, hands raised in surrender, and heading to her as her ex is pulled away. Thaïs noting James’ intoxicated and bloody state takes his keys and drives his hand me down truck back to her house. They sneak past her parents and come up with some lie to tell his about how his bike flipped on the gravel path at night, as Thaïs cleans his cuts. And as she held his jaw, holding it in place firmly, placing gentle pats of the alcohol soaked cotton pad to his face. James felt something that night, and he sobered a bit at the feeling of his gut twisting looking at her, and at the desire he couldn’t chase of being something more.

𝐕. SENIOR YEAR — During Thaïs and James’ spring break of their senior year, about two weeks before prom. James’ brother, Jaeden, took the opportunity of James being more busy with spring break work, to get Thaïs alone and “seduce” her. Jae noticed that he had became more attracted to her as prom got closer and she began to glow more in the preparation. He didn’t have to do too much to seduce her. The last time she got lucky was with her ex-boyfriend from junior year and he never finished the job. Not to mention she was desperate to get over James, and in her seventeen year old mind the brother who looks a lot like him is perfect for that. They would hook up a few times in one week, until one instance where James walke in as they are making out. And the Shepherd brothers, raised by the best parents, decided it was best to sit down, take in what just happened, and talk it out. During this Jaeden noticed something through James’ body language. Something that, despite James’ blessing for them to continue their relationship, caused Jaeden to cut things off with Thaïs. Jaeden wasn’t aware of James’ feeling for his best friend, and immediately stopped any opportunity to cause tension between himself and his brother, when he realized. Thaïs wasn’t too bummed though, she had her fun.

Now she just looked forward to prom. She would be attending with a boy from her calculus class who had asked her. And James would not be attending prom at all, despite her pleas. That is until the boy from calculus class ditched her a week before prom. Then he decides to step up. He buys her a corsage and drives them there in his dad’s shitty pick up truck. They stay as long as most people did, dancing, eating, talking, until the prom after party started at another wealthy student’s giant house. James and Thaïs spend the entirety of their time at that party in the kitchen. The music was quieter in the kitchen. And there they could constantly refill their drinks. The two of them drink themselves into their own little world. Their bodies lose track of where they and their surroundings are. They start leaning closer together as they laugh more and more. Until James’ face is so close to Thaïs’ that the alcohol acts for him as he leans in to kiss her. When he pulls away she stares at him for a good five seconds before launching back at him. The two make out for like twenty minutes, as students maneuver around them in the kitchen, until Thaïs gets a raging headache. James texts his brother to the best of his ability then just shares his location with him so he can come pick them up. Leaving his dad’s pick up at the mansion, claiming he’ll pick it up tomorrow. She ends up staying the night at James’ house, laying with him in his bed, and saying goodnight to him with a lazy kiss to the corner of his mouth. For the next month Thaïs initiates an “it’s complicated, near friends with benefits, no strings attached,” kind of relationship with James. Poor James, who is just happy for anything from her. He luckily gets a clue to Thaïs’ deeper feelings for him, and makes plans to ask her out after their graduation ceremony.

𝐕𝐈. ONCE DATING — The two will work towards saving the money necessary to move to California, and attend university. Thaïs’ dream is to escape the small town, always has been. James’ dreams are being content. He could see that anywhere, as long as Thaïs was there too. He’s not sure if he’ll go to university, he’s refused any monetary assistance her and her family have offered, but it interests him, so he’s seeing how much he can save. But he just wants to save enough money for housing and emergencies first. And Thaïs is more than happy to wait for him. Canton, Texas isn’t pushing her out by any means, she has all she needs and more to satiate her.

#rrez’s small town reality #first legit thing i’m posting to tumblr in ages #everyone clap #and i’ve written too much #small town dr #romcom dr #shiftblr #reality shifting #desired reality #shifting antis dni #shifting blog #shiftblr community #reality shifter #shifting community #shifting awareness #shifting realities #shifting motivation #shifting diary #rrezshifts

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merwgue · 9 months ago

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In A Court of Mist and Fury (ACOMAF), Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship disintegrates, and many fans are quick to place blame entirely on one or the other. Some see Tamlin as the villain—overbearing, controlling, and dismissive of Feyre’s needs. Others view Feyre as the one in the wrong, shutting down emotionally, and failing to give Tamlin a chance to understand her. But the truth is, both Feyre and Tamlin were in the wrong, and neither can be fully blamed for their relationship’s collapse. Why? Because they were both navigating the deep, complex waters of trauma. And trauma doesn’t just break people—it breaks communication, relationships, and trust.

Tysm for @extremely-judgemental for allowing me to post this, even though its been a work in progress for 2 days, I'm extremely grateful that they allowed me to take inspiration and use there post as a guide!!

The Silent Pact: Avoiding the Pain

Feyre and Tamlin's relationship post-Under the Mountain is one that’s built on a foundation of avoidance. After the trauma they both endured at the hands of Amarantha, they fall into a silent agreement not to discuss what happened. At first glance, this seems like an obvious red flag—after all, how can a couple move forward without addressing the deep emotional wounds they both carry? But in reality, avoidance of trauma isn’t a flaw exclusive to Tamlin or Feyre—it’s a very human reaction to extreme pain.

Psychologically, avoidance is one of the most common coping mechanisms for trauma survivors. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), avoidance is a key symptom of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Survivors avoid thoughts, memories, and discussions that remind them of their trauma because it’s too painful to confront. In Feyre and Tamlin’s case, talking about what happened Under the Mountain would mean reopening wounds that were still raw. Tamlin is a High Lord, a man who feels responsible for everyone, and his inability to protect Feyre still haunts him. For Feyre, she’s dealing with not only the trauma of her own experiences but the guilt of the lives she took.

It’s easy to sit back and say, “Well, they should have talked about it,” but if we’re being realistic, many of us avoid difficult conversations about our own emotions and pain, especially with those we love most. Trauma survivors often feel that talking about their pain will burden others or that they’ll be seen as weak for struggling to cope. In relationships, this can create a wall between partners who are both silently suffering, as neither wants to “break” the other with their vulnerability.

The Psychological Cost of Silence

Tamlin and Feyre’s mutual avoidance wasn’t about not caring—it was about protecting themselves from further pain. Dr. Judith Herman, a renowned expert on trauma recovery, explains in her book Trauma and Recovery that trauma survivors often experience a “double-edged sword” of wanting to connect with others but fearing the vulnerability that comes with opening up. Tamlin, as High Lord, is burdened with the expectation to be strong and unbreakable. He can’t afford to show his weakness, not to Feyre, not to his court. He believes that if he holds everything together, he can fix what’s broken. Feyre, on the other hand, feels emotionally and physically depleted. She can’t summon the energy to reach out, and the more isolated she feels, the more she retreats.

Dr. Herman also notes that trauma can cause survivors to feel alienated from others, even those they love. This is exactly what happens to Feyre—she feels like she’s drowning in her own despair, and instead of being able to share that with Tamlin, she perceives his actions as controlling and suffocating. To Feyre, Tamlin’s need to protect her feels like a cage, not comfort. She becomes emotionally numb, which is another common symptom of trauma survivors. According to the National Center for PTSD, emotional numbness, or feeling “shut down,” is a way for trauma survivors to protect themselves from being overwhelmed by their feelings.

Tamlin: The Strong Protector, Who Never Heals

On the surface, Tamlin seems like the “strong” one in the relationship. He’s the High Lord, after all, and High Lords don’t fall apart. But beneath that strength is a man who’s been shattered by his own trauma and guilt. Tamlin failed to protect Feyre Under the Mountain, and that failure haunts him. In his mind, the only way to keep her safe is to control her environment. He barricades her inside his estate, thinking that if she’s sheltered, nothing can hurt her.

But what Tamlin doesn’t realize is that his overprotectiveness isn’t strength—it’s fear. Fear of losing her again. Fear of failing again. And fear of facing his own trauma. This isn’t unique to Tamlin; many trauma survivors, particularly men, fall into the trap of thinking they need to be invulnerable to protect their loved ones. Dr. Terrence Real, a therapist specializing in male depression, explains that men are often conditioned to believe they must be the “fixers” in relationships. When they can’t fix the problem, they feel powerless, and that powerlessness turns into control as they try to manage their environment instead of addressing their emotional wounds.

Tamlin’s way of coping is to be the protector at all costs, but in doing so, he isolates himself from Feyre’s emotional needs. His controlling behavior isn’t about dominance—it’s about shielding himself from the fear of another failure. Research shows that controlling behavior in relationships is often rooted in anxiety and a fear of abandonment (Simpson et al., 2017). In trying to keep Feyre safe, Tamlin inadvertently builds a prison around her, and that isolation becomes unbearable for her.

Feyre: The Self-Destructive Survivor

Feyre, on the other hand, is falling apart in silence. She’s lost, broken, and burdened by the trauma of her experiences and the lives she took Under the Mountain. Yet, she doesn’t know how to express that pain, especially to Tamlin. Psychologist Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, in his book The Body Keeps the Score, emphasizes that trauma survivors often feel disconnected from their bodies and emotions. They may become passive or disengaged, unable to articulate what they need. For Feyre, this is exactly what happens—she feels hollow, empty, and disconnected from herself, so she withdraws from Tamlin. Instead of sharing her pain, she self-destructs. The nightmares, the apathy, the loss of interest in the things she once loved—it’s all part of the trauma she hasn’t processed.

Research into PTSD and depression shows that survivors often feel a profound sense of isolation, even when surrounded by loved ones (National Institute of Mental Health, 2021). They may believe that no one can understand what they’ve been through, or worse, that no one cares. Feyre falls into this trap—she interprets Tamlin’s controlling behavior as indifference to her emotional needs when, in reality, it’s his misguided attempt to protect her.

The Insecurity and Breakdown of Their Relationship

At the core of Feyre and Tamlin’s relationship is deep insecurity. Tamlin is insecure because of his failure to protect Feyre, and Feyre is insecure because she feels like a burden. Neither of them feels safe enough to admit that they’re struggling, and so they continue to put on masks for each other. Tamlin pretends to be strong, while Feyre pretends she can handle it all on her own.

Their avoidance of the issue and failure to communicate lead to the mutual destruction of their relationship. This isn’t because one of them was “right” and the other was “wrong”—they were both struggling with unprocessed trauma. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, one of the keys to a successful relationship is the ability to repair conflicts through open communication. When couples avoid discussing their pain, resentment builds, and the relationship begins to fracture.

But for trauma survivors like Feyre and Tamlin, communication isn’t as simple as sitting down and having a conversation. Trauma creates emotional barriers that make it difficult to open up, even to those we love most. This is why Feyre’s resentment toward Tamlin grows, and why Tamlin becomes increasingly controlling—they’re both reacting to their trauma in ways that only push each other further away.

Conclusion: No True Villains, Just Trauma

So, can we truly blame either Feyre or Tamlin for the collapse of their relationship? In reality, they were both victims of their trauma, and they both failed each other because they couldn’t face it. Their silence wasn’t malicious, and their emotional distance wasn’t about a lack of love. It was about fear—fear of reopening wounds, fear of being vulnerable, and fear of losing the other person.

In the end, both Feyre and Tamlin’s coping mechanisms—whether it was Tamlin’s control or Feyre’s withdrawal—were their ways of surviving. It’s easy to say they should have communicated, but as we’ve seen, trauma complicates everything. Both were struggling to keep their heads above water, and unfortunately, neither of them could see the other drowning.

Here are some quotes from books I've done my research on!! I wanted to make sure my arguments were as clean and precise because mental health Is not something you half ass

1. On Trauma and Avoidance:

Judith Herman, "Trauma and Recovery":

"Trauma isolates; the words and feelings associated with it often remain unspoken. Survivors find it difficult to share their experiences with others because talking about the trauma seems like a betrayal of the self."

Bessel van der Kolk, "The Body Keeps the Score":

"Trauma by nature drives us to the edge of comprehension, cutting us off from language based on common experience or an imaginable past... It is as if time stops, and we are trapped in a perpetual state of helplessness."

2. On Emotional Numbing:

Bessel van der Kolk:

"Many traumatized people seem to shut down emotionally. As long as they are not being confronted with their trauma, they function relatively well. But as soon as something reminds them of the past, they may become helpless, upset, or furious."

Feyre’s emotional shutdown and numbness, post-trauma, is a common response for trauma survivors. Her inability to connect emotionally with Tamlin can be seen as a coping mechanism to avoid pain.

3. On Controlling Behavior as a Response to Anxiety:

Simpson et al. (2017), Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

"Individuals with a high need for control often display overbearing or controlling behaviors in relationships as a way to reduce their own internal anxiety. This behavior often stems from feelings of powerlessness or fear of failure."

This aligns with Tamlin’s overprotective behavior toward Feyre, not as a way to dominate but to manage his own anxieties about failing her again.

4. On Insecure Relationships and Trauma:

Dr. Terrence Real, "I Don't Want to Talk About It":

"Men are often taught that emotional vulnerability is a weakness. As a result, many men struggle with expressing their pain or discussing their emotional needs, which can lead to controlling or distant behaviors in relationships."

Tamlin’s desire to protect Feyre without acknowledging his own emotional needs fits into this psychological framework. His need to appear strong likely prevented him from admitting his own trauma.

5. On Communication Breakdown in Trauma Survivors:

John Gottman, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work":

"When couples avoid difficult conversations, the issue doesn’t go away—it festers and can lead to increased resentment. Open, honest communication, even when difficult, is necessary for a relationship to thrive, especially in times of emotional distress."

This quote highlights why the breakdown between Feyre and Tamlin happened. By avoiding discussions about their trauma, they allowed distance and resentment to grow.

6. On the Difficulty of Vulnerability:

Brené Brown, "Daring Greatly":

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn’t feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive."

Both Feyre and Tamlin were afraid of vulnerability, thinking it would expose their weaknesses rather than heal their bond. This is part of why their relationship fell apart.

7. On Emotional Isolation Post-Trauma:

National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD Fact Sheet:

"Trauma survivors may feel detached or estranged from others. They may avoid close relationships or feel emotionally numb, which can make it difficult to connect with loved ones."

This highlights how Feyre, in particular, felt emotionally detached and distanced herself from Tamlin, contributing to the breakdown of their relationship.

8. On Mutual Coping with Trauma in Relationships:

Susan M. Johnson, "Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love":

"Trauma survivors in relationships often either withdraw or become overly controlling as a way to manage their overwhelming emotions. Without understanding this cycle, couples can become trapped in mutual avoidance."

This captures the essence of Feyre and Tamlin’s post-trauma dynamic—Feyre withdrawing emotionally and Tamlin becoming more controlling, both as coping mechanisms to deal with their trauma.

This was genuinely one of the hardest essay arguments I've written, I've spent 2 days writing this, that's why I didn't post anything these past few days. I hope this was precise enough and of course If you have anything to add don't hesitate to tell me! Thank you!!💞

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