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convenience93 · 8 years ago

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Milky First Style Book 22 Years History Translation Part 2

Sorry it took me some time but here is Part 2/4 of the 22 Years History segment in Milky’s style book. For part 1, please go here.

For this part, it focuses on Milky’s early days in NMB, the 48 elections, her concurrency with AKB, and also the walls she had to face along the way.

Don’t forget to check out Part 3 and Part 4 as well!

That being said, enjoy!

Entering NMB48, frantically going through intense lessons and Keicchi’s words

--- Let’s move on to the topic of when you first entered NMB48. Do you still remember your audition days?

Yes. When I passed the auditions, I remembered thinking, “Is this for real?” I didn’t think I would pass. I may have been popular back in my hometown, but I thought I was going to fail my auditions as showbiz is a completely different thing altogether.

--- Did you have any aspirations to become the center?

To begin with, I didn’t even have the mindset of the significance of the center. This was because Morning Musume which I loved from way back was not a group where the girls wrestled for the center position. On top of that, I didn’t even know of the existence of the general elections. When I was auditioning, I’ve heard people saying, “I want to become the absolute ace” but those words didn’t strike a chord with me at all. Instead, I was just determined to give my all in practice. To me, even all that practice wasn’t because I was aiming to be a center or ace or anything like that.

--- Do you still remember your lessons in the early days?

They were really rigorous. Our lessons at that time were so intense to the point that I can’t even remember most of it. All I can say to myself is that, “You did great”. Haha. After school was over, I went for lessons every day from around 5 pm. But at that time, I was still wavering because I still had that dream to become a midwife. However, I wasn’t falling behind in lessons, so I thought it would be a good idea to continue on this path and hence, I was able to come to the decision to stay on.

--- Did you feel like you were falling behind in lessons at some point?

The toughest part of lessons for me was the muscle training. This was especially for the core training exercises we did to strengthen our internal muscles where we place our elbows and toes on the floor while keeping our bodies parallel to the floor. We had to do our best to keep our balance in that posture. Otherwise, we’ll get reprimanded. Our training was just that intense. Despite all that, I didn’t feel like it was getting too tough or as though I wanted to give up. Now when I think back about it, it’s quite strange. I went through those rigorous lessons for 3 to 4 months, and was able to overcome it through sheer willpower alone.

--- Were you able to gradually get along with the other members?

Well no, I didn’t have the liberty to be looking around. I was keeping up, but everything was just so intense. That’s why I didn’t form any bonds or anything like that. Of course, going towards our first day appearing in theatre (on 1st January 2011), I was giving my all and working hard with everyone. However, as I have never done anything collectively as a group before, I couldn’t quite grasp the feeling of being united and one with everyone. So, after we had gone through the day successfully, all I felt was just…a sense of relief. To put it simply, I was fixated only on my own interests. I really had no spirit of cooperation. Haha.

--- During that time too, the ranking order within the members of your generation started to become clear as well, didn’t it?

Compared to the other members then, I think I was slow to notice that. Of course, I was happy being selected for our opening day, and also to be a Team N member (on 3rd March 2011). I just took pride in the fruits of my effort being recognised, and at that time I remember thinking, “Yes I did it! It was good that I picked up dance.”

--- Up until then, you have been raised in a community where you were always at the top of your game, so did that make you feel insecure? Did you stop and wonder if you’ll experience that same level of popularity in the bigger world out there?

At that time, I still had not faced any setbacks, so all I remember thinking was that, “Oh? I’m actually able to make my way out there.”

--- Some time after that, were you able to open your heart and confide with your fellow members?

Nope, not only did I not have a spirit of cooperation, I also was in a position where I was always standing in the front. It was a vicious cycle. Because of that, there were times where I really struggled. Once, when I wasn’t around, a few of the members were finding fault with me and talking behind my back. They were saying things like, “What’s with Milky? She’s so weird.” And at that point, one of the members raised her voice in warning and said, “You shouldn’t be saying things like that!” That person was Keicchi (Jonishi Kei). That’s why Keicchi’s my real life angel, someone I owe big time to. She’s not the type of person who would usually raise her voice, so I was really happy she did something like that for me. The root cause of all this was because I had no spirit of cooperation, but Kei stood up for me because at the back of the mind was when she remembered seeing me crying in secret from feeling so cut off from everyone else. However, I myself don’t remember that I had cried…

--- Did you notice that you had no spirit of cooperation whatsoever?

Yes. There was no doubt that the me back then had no sense of cooperation. Haha. But that wasn’t out of spite. All my life prior to that, I think I had always felt like I was out of place. It’s been like that ever since I was in elementary school. I have never truly gotten along and integrated with everyone else.

--- You never truly fit in although you were popular among both your school juniors and seniors alike?

That’s right.

--- In such circumstances, having to be on the same page with both your classmates and also your fellow members in the same generation must have given rise to some complicated feelings. How was it like experiencing idol activities for the first time?

It was fun. I was able to receive new stimulus every single day. Not only was there always coverage from the variety show, Star Hime Sagashi Tarou, there were also magazine shoots, and all that was fascinating. On top of that, there was also that sense of excitement of what will happen to us and how everything was going to pan out.

The elections, AKB48 senbatsu, and becoming a concurrent member…the joy along with the wall of AKB48 standing in the way

--- You were able to stand in the front for the first theatre performance, and you quickly rose to become a central member of the group, but before long, you were faced with a setback.

Yes, that is the case. In the first general elections I participated in, I was unable to rank. I had assumed that I would definitely make it in, so I really cried a lot about it. I couldn’t believe that my name wasn’t even called out. I was comforted by everyone who told me that it’s okay but I was so upset that those words had no effect on me. So you know it was from that time feelings of frustration began to sprout.

--- And just before the elections, you were selected to be an AKB48 senbatsu member in “Everyday Kachuusha” for the first time.

I remember it very well. At the filming, rather than being filled with happiness, I felt like I still had a long way to go. That’s because at that time the focus was mainly on the seniors we referred to as AKB48’s Kami7. They were all extremely dignified while enjoying the music video filming in Guam. As for me, I may have entered the senbatsu, but I couldn’t enter that sphere, so it was as though I was just standing there watching alone from the sidelines. On top of that, unsurprisingly, I also had no closeups. I was only in the group dance scenes. When I first found out that I had entered the senbatsu, I thought, “I did it!” but when filming actually started, the reality that I had hit a wall made me want to just pack up and go home. Haha. The person who took concern of me back then was Oshima Yuko. She kindly invited me to go out for a meal with her, and I was really happy about that.

--- In 2012, you faced your second ever general elections.

I told myself back then I’ll definitely make it this time around. I ended up being ranked 19th but at that time, the 19th spot was said to be a “legendary rank”. The 1st time it was Matsui Jurina’s rank, the 2nd time it was Sashihara Rino’s rank, and the 3rd time it was Yokoyama Yui’s rank. It was as though it was the rank for people who would later climb up the ladder of success. And so, I was happy to have gotten that rank. Besides, it was also a huge jump up from being unranked. Haha. Well…I was only able to think like that much later as I wasn’t aware of that legend. At that time, I was so frustrated about how I failed to enter the senbatsu that I cried so much.

--- So you weren’t satisfied with just being in 19th place.

It’s not like I worked hard only for the sake of the elections, but at that time, I did put a lot of effort into my blog and Google Plus, updating them 4 times a day. In NMB48, I was No. 1 in terms of the rate I was updating.

--- On your Google Plus, you used the expression “chapu chapu” when referring to the action of going for a bath. That became quite a buzzword among the fans didn’t it?

Hehehe. I like posting up things which I myself find funny or interesting just to see what kind of responses I get from them. It’s fun imagining the sort of responses I would get. It was the same for “chapu chapu”, but for our producer Akimoto Yasushi, it was that image I uploaded of my right eye and left eye which he told me was amusing. That’s why the next time, I uploaded images of my right knee and left knee. Haha. I wasn’t aiming to become popular like that, but I figured things like that could become hot topics.

--- Among the fans, you were widely recognised to be a “fisher”. How do you yourself take that?

I had no intention to “fish” whatsoever though. Haha. It’s just my identity as a “fisher” became a thing among the fans, and if I left it as that, then that’ll be just uninteresting. I’m quite a contrarian, so I often feel inclined to do the opposite of what is expected of me. Following that, Warukii came into being as a standalone character of its own that “Warukii” even became the title of a song. When I got to know of the song title though, I was shocked. Haha.

(T/N: Warukii is “Waru” and “Mirukii” combined which literally translates as “Bad Milky”, implying that she plays sweet but often has hidden intentions or ulterior motives.)

--- In that year in March 2012, it was announced that you would join AKB48 Team B as a concurrent member.

I didn’t even know then what it meant to be a concurrent member. However, I was happy that it was only me and Jurina that were receiving special recognition. At that time, the member concurrency system wasn’t established yet, so in any case, it was shocking to me. I barely have any memory of what happened during that period of time because I just suddenly got so busy. I had to remember 2 times more things than I usually did, and my commuting hours between Osaka and Tokyo increased by twofold too. One time, I even made two round trips in one day. To be honest, I was just dead tired every day. The two to three years following 2012, all I have are vague memories.

--- Were there any times you felt glad that you became a concurrent member?

It was good that I was able to appear in theatre performances. Izurina (Izuta Rina) would constantly teach and supervise me, and I’m still thankful to her for that until today. However, there were times it was really hard on me physically.

--- There was even a time you got hives on your face and throughout your body didn’t you?

Yes. It was the first time in my life getting hives (red, itchy skin rash). Suddenly there were leopard prints all over my body. It was on my face, my legs, my back – all over my whole body. It was as though my whole body was just screaming out. Perhaps this was because my stamina had surpassed its limit. If I’m not mistaken, it was the day of the TV shooting of “NMB48 Geinin!”. When I saw my face covered in hives, it made me feel scared and insecure. I could do nothing else but cry, so in the end, the shooting was postphoned, and I went home. While I was crying, I remember Maachun (Ogasawara Mayu) and Ripopo (Kotani Riho) by my side kindly comforting me.

--- From being a concurrent member, were you able to once again appreciate NMB48’s good points?

Yes, I was able to. It was how everyone in NMB48 just always gives their all. In AKB48, it feels as though once the switch is turned on, everyone gets into the zone immediately. However, for NMB48, be it from starting rehearsals or before starting anything at all, we’ll always get ourselves powered up from doing an enjin together. I came to understand that from my time as a concurrent member.

(T/N: The “enjin” is when the members huddle up in a circle and yell out a cheer together to pump themselves up usually before lives etc.)

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