#Every activity that is self-improving/fun gives me a point

[eddis-not-eeddis]

I got an hourly planner and instead of planning out my day, I just write in it if I’ve done something that I’m proud of or that I enjoy, and it’s amazing how much I’ve gotten done lately and how much fun I’ve had now that I’m trying to impress myself.

[p-oisn]

let's get positive ! (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

(the content below the cut contains mentions of sensitive topics such as implied su*cide & sh so pls scroll if you're uncomfortable w those !)

this is a long rant about life basically .. 💩💩

i was going to make a post like this sometime later anyways bc i felt .. like a nice person ... but i made it a bit earlier than i expected bc i saw a post from oomf that really made me think .. so here u go

this comes from my own PERSONAL experiences and this is js my point of view yk !!! im no expert on any topic HSHSJ this is js the way i cope plz dont come for me in my asks ... i am aware that it isn't the same for everyone but , i hope this message can be helpful to some extent </3

if you feel like like life is leading nowhere n you feel like giving up I PROMISE it will get better bc i felt the same for two whole years n i will say that i have improved a LOT since . yes , it took me longer than i expected but i didn't give up and you shouldn't either ! it was hard n there were times i felt like i wasn't making any progress / improvement but in the end , it still got better

be kinder (to yourself, first) ☆

i think the first step to loving yourself is to forgive yourself .. its okay to try over n over again , you're still human n i think ppl tend to forget that often bc they're so tough on theirselves . let's not forget that your body is actively trying it's best to keep u alive , your WBCs for example ! (let's appreciate these little guys for trying their best 🎉🎉) your body too , deserves to be loved back , for fighting so hard just for YOU! so pls don't hurt yourself in any way </3

appreciate yourself for achieving even the smallest of tasks because even if it wasn't something big , YOU DID IT ANYWAYS ! every small achievement of yours deserves to be appreciated . even if it's momentary happiness , appreciate yourself while it lasts . i understand that sometimes even small things could be such a hassle but you can always reward yourself later ! i personally like to buy donuts everytime i finish something (this could come in handy when you're really craving something if you get what im saying ..)

It's okay if you're going at a slower pace than other people , what matters in the end is that you get it done ! everyone is not the same so it's unfair to put yourself down for such things .. also applies to comparing yourself to someone because in the end you'll still be you .. even if you don't like it .. that makes you unique ofcourse , there's only one of you in this world so embrace yourself for that !! you're one of a kind (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

oh, but, life's the same, it's boring ... ☆

yes , a lot of days could end up being the exact same because like , there are 365 days in a year so you can except most of them to be similar .. but as a new year starts , ofc many things change without you even noticing it , you grow older ofcourse , and you could be starting a new year in school , you meet new people and so on ! if you compare your life from a year ago or even a few months ago to now , you'll surely notice a few differences atleast so .. life is not reaaaaally the same right .... everyday is a new experience ! literally anything and i mean anything could happen the next day , you could even win the lottery who knows 🤫

when i felt like everyday was the same , i tried changing my patterns .. (my current favourite thing to do is go on a walk ! sometimes i take my dog w me , it's super fun) i would do small things that i dont usually do like sketch ! or i attempt cooking something new .. but obviously there were a LOT of days where i did nothing , sometimes even weeks , and that's okay ! we all deserve days where we do nothing ESPECIALLY if you're someone who is working or js in school / college everyday .. you deserve that break

i think a big factor is being unproductive ? don't get me wrong , i still am my same unproductive self at times unfortunately , n sometimes they do get so bad that they lead to a terrible burnout .. n i went through a rly bad burnout not long ago n trust me you do not want to get this far :( how do i deal with this ? (let's take studying as an example here) well i always start off with small portions , even if it's just a page or two . n then i slowly keep increasing the amount of pages i read .. n yes ofc , i understand how brutal burnouts can get sometimes n that's why it's important to not overwhelm yourself by attempting to finish a big portion of your studies in one go .. just take it easy , let the information marinate in your head for a bit before you move on to the next topic .. so basically what im trying to say here is don't overwhelm yourself with big tasks especially when you're already burntout

friends .. they're great ☆

the thing that honestly improved my life by a mile is getting good friends .. I've had my fair share of bad friend groups so trust me when I say this , it's better to be alone than with people who drain you mentally because . you deserve someone who treats you the way you actually want to be treated .

"but it's hard to make friends" i completely get this because i am a very shy person myself </3 but i think you could start by trying to make friends online ! its easy to find someone with similar interests on the internet .. so when you feel down atleast you know that there's someone on the other side of the world who cares for you ..

but this doesn't change the fact that solitude is AMAZING too (tbh i could go on for a really long time on how i love being by myself but this is already getting super lengthy ...) you can be your own friend too ! (okay see now this seems insane but if it makes you happy WHO CARES AMIRITE) i personally enjoy my own company like omg .. she can get a good laugh out of me sometimes ... you can do whatever you want when you're alone ! you can dance to your favourite playlist or experiment with a bunch of stuff ! if you get bored you can watch your favourite movie or consume your favourite piece of media that no one gets like you 🤫 so , as much as making friends sounds great , let's appreciate solitude too !!

ah, life can be beautiful sometimes? ☆

one of the biggest reasons i go on walks almost regularly is to remind myself how beautiful the world can be sometimes .. (atp half of this is me convincing you all to go on walks) i live in a beautiful neighbourhood n there are a lot of different flowers and fruits that grow here and that makes me really happy . going on early morning walks especially is soo fun , the world is so quiet then and you can even watch the sunrise 🥹

another thing is buying myself things i like ... especially clothes ... if you think you would look good in something then js go ahead and buy it ! don't mind what other people think because like ... YOU are wearing it and if people around you have a problem with that then i think they should close their damn eyes and not look at you if it bothers them that much 🤦 you deserve to feel confident and comfortable in your own skin , you deserve to dress the way you want to ! so if you feel like dressing a particular way would make you feel better .. GO FOR IT !!! this applies to other things you like, maybe accessories, merch or stationary that look cute .. it's okay even if people judge you for your style because in the end they're the ones who are boring and miserable because they spend soo much time hating on others 😒

life is soo much more fun when you take care of yourself trust me ... you deserve to be taken care of !! so spoil yourself once in a while i promise it's okay as long as it makes you happy <3

to sum it all up .. yes , good times don't last forever but so don't bad times , and you and i both can get through a bad day because life is still going on (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡ bad times too , will pass . so please believe in yourself and hold on !! i love you

again, this is all how*I* like to cheer myself up so pls don't take anything here in a bad way 😖 all of this was made with good intentions and im so sorry if i still ended up hurting anyone in any way ..

[spookygingerr]

Art Tag

thanks so much for tagging me Doshi, @doshiart, this was really fun to do!

How did you start drawing? What year was it that you became seriously and consciously interested in it?

i have always loved drawing and i can’t even remember how or when i started. i tarted practising consistently and with clear direction and goals just last year, 2023.

When did you start sharing drawings on social media?

this year :) i was scared to become active in the fandom at first but i started by asking Willow, @ian-galagher, and question and was so reassured by how kind they are that it gave me the courage to get involved and interact with the rest of the fandom.

Your first drawing. And first fanart. What were your impressions of it then, and what are they now?

i don’t have my first drawing but i do have a notebook filled of with drawings like these. the second drawing is inspired by stardoll so that is probably my first fanart. at the time i thought i was a fashion icon, now not so much.

First gallavich fanart

i am a serial deleter of old art i don’t like anymore but these are some i kept.

On bad days where things don’t work out, what kept you inspired?

similar for Doshi! some days i’m just not feeling it so i just take a break

An old piece you strongly dislike and why?

this is the that old! i just think i could have done better, there’s ones i dislike even more but they are long gone in the digital trash can. bodies are hard but i do think im started to see improvement now …

Show me an old piece you really like and why. What’s the difference?

this is from a similar time as the gallavich one but i did way better on the arms and the rendering.

An old piece you were proud of back then

this is one of first drawings i did completely free hand and i still think i did an amazing job.

Do you do any practise sketches or warm ups?

no but i should and i’m gonna start today

Sketch vs final

Your most recent drawing

it’s for secret santa so no showing

Give yourself some praise:

i have come a long way from starting with a traced outline and meticulously copying every highlight and shadow of a photograph to now free handing from start to finish with references as guides.

Any advice you’d give to your earlier self?

don’t be afraid to make ‘bad’ art, if you were already ‘perfect’ there’d be no point in practising (i still need to listen to my own advice)

Set a goal for the coming year:

just keep consistently practising and studying

[notalakelurk]

I think I'm reaching that point in my life where I realize just how daunting being transgender, lesbian, and vaguely asexual is. Like, I've spent my life knowing that I'm not what I "am" and I'm finally gaining the courage and words to tell myself what that means, but I'm also growing smart enough to understand how hard it's going to be for me.

In the past, my parents have told me that they would "not allow any of their children to be trans." Every time I've expressed any sort of trans desire it's played like a sick joke. "Haha, look, our son is wearing women's clothes, isn't that funny and weird and disappointing to you?!" Heck, I remember when my parents said it wouldn't be okay to be gay (/lesbian), that's a core memory right there!

It doesn't help that my parents actively ignore me when I promote any talk of trans/LGBTQ+ issues (especially regarding a specific president-elect who totally "does not dislike LGBTQ+ people at all," and "in no way opposes people's rights.")

Do I think that my parents would actually hate me for transitioning? No, but it heavily pains and hurts me that they would only care about LGBTQ+ issues when it impacts them (via me). And, no small part of me doubts that they would approach my identity with any validity. It's hard not to worry that everyone's gonna think I'm just "going through a phase" when I've known I'm this way for as long as I can remember.

My birthday is coming up really soon, and my mother has been asking me what I want. This is the first birthday where I've actually been able to tell her some things that I want (in no small part because of my newfound understanding of myself and self-recognition). But it still breaks me when she pushes me to keep telling her what to buy and I know I can't tell her that I want skirts and dresses and makeup and women's clothes and cute things and to be a girl and, most of all, to be affirmed, to be told that it's okay to be me. The closest I've gotten to any of that is asking for a nail file =|:'(

Luckily, I've never been one to give up easily! There ain't nobody in the world that can get me to stop finding satisfaction in being and knowing myself, no matter how much I have to hide or fight. As a result of my upbringing, I often have a really hard time feeling any emotions anyway, there's just a plodding desire to get through life until we can be ourselves and have fun again, no matter what. Try to kill that >:]

If need be, I'll wait until I'm so old my transgenderism looks like a deterioration of my identity, lmao, WHAT A GREAT COVER UP! Be on the lookout, descendants!

p.s. It's amazingly wonderful how much better writing a blog post can make you feel. I guess I've always understood that journals/diaries are good for you, but that's never been an option for me because of snooping parents, so I'm just now getting to this at the ripe age of almost-17, lol. Anyway, I understand that this post is pretty rambly in the middle; I'll try and be a better writer next time =|;)=; So far my only experience with this at all has been the few tumblr posts that I've made here, so there's a lot of room for improvement, which is great!

[flyiingsly]

The Banquet

Square : Rations

Pairing : Kix x gn!jedi!reader

Warnings : Alcohol, reader being a bit drunk, slight mention of death, war and injuries, fluff and kitchen shenanigans, nothing comestible was harmed during the writing of this fic

Wordcount : 3,5K

Summary : You and Kix team up to prepare a meal for the rest of the 501st, but despite being used to cook together, this time might end a little differently.

A/N : My seventh commission for the @clonexreaderbingo ! This one is packed with real life cooking struggles, and it was fun as hell to write about honestly 😄 (Don't worry, I'm not getting drunk every time I'm cooking !)

For those who are familiar with it, you’ll probably notice that the main course here is inspired by the Pasta Alla Vodka’s recipe, it’s a simple dish but one of my favorite comfort food ever ! If you don’t know it yet, go check it, it’s really worth a try ! 😋

Disclaimer : I'm still struggling to understand English grammar properly, English is not my native language and even if I have proofread my writtings several times, there is probably still typos in it. I'm very self conscious about it and I apologize for it in advance, but I'm doing my best to do better and I'm actively working at improving my writting skills !

So if you spot a typo, feel free to point it to me so I can correct it, it will be much appreciated :)

It was a tradition every time the 501st was returning from a mission, especially the long ones : cooking a real meal. After days of only eating ration bars, it was a much-needed comfort that every member of the battalion dearly waited for and appreciated, a reward for both the body and the mind, and a perfect occasion to spend some time off together. It was a clone thing at first, but you, Anakin and Ahsoka grew so close to your men that you were now part of it as well, even Obi-Wan ended up being invited a few times.

The rules were simple :  you must team up two by two, and each duo had to pick a main course and a dessert recipe. In this way, the whole meal was much more looking like a big banquet were everyone could pick up a bit of the recipes they wanted to try. Those events were true feasts that lasted a large part of the night and often ended at the 79’.

At first, the meals were prepared at the GAR kitchen when the days off appeared to be spent on Coruscant, and it was a very regular occurrence. But the battalion eventually had the chance to get a very special authorization to use some of the Senate’s kitchens for that particular purpose, thanks to Senator Amidala.

It all started at a joke between Rex and Anakin, but then it turned out that the General made it happens for real, much to the surprise of his Captain. And to be honest, there were a LOT of kitchens in that Senate Building, which allowed each team to have their private little space to cook their meals. Since then, it became a thing to keep the recipes a secret until they got served.

You absolutely loved that tradition. You loved to spend time with the clones outside of the battlefield, far away from the violence of the war, and far away from the grief of losing brothers. It nearly felt like all of you were just normal people enjoying good times with your closest friends. It almost felt like you weren’t soldiers anymore and finally able to live and enjoy the real life for some times, just like if the whole world around you wasn’t at war for a moment. You liked that feeling.

You had already paired up with a couple of troopers before, even with Anakin once. It was messy as hell and he nearly set the oven on fire (even cooking with Hardcase was more peaceful), but it was a funny experience, and you definitely had to give it a try.

But most of the time, you ended up pairing with Kix. Both of you loved to cook and were very good at it. You were also very close to each other. In fact, he was the closest from you, even if you were very familiar with every one of your men, Kix was an exception above the others. You always had special healing abilities, so those and the fact that he was the medic of the company led the two of you to work together on most missions. You helped him numerous of times healing soldiers, and he taught you a lot of medical knowledge in return.

You had to face the worst injuries, the death of brothers, and the carnage of the war upon the civilians together. You had saved people together, helped people together, seen people heal together, seen people perish together. And most of all, you had seen each other cry and have mental breakdowns multiple times.

Not being able to save a life and having to face death powerlessly were traumatic events you had both endured side by side, supporting and comforting each other unfailingly. It was hard to go through every time, but it had built a profound and solid bound between the two of you that you couldn’t have formed with anybody else. It was something special and precious.

The choice of your main recipe came from a joke at first. On the flight taking you back to Coruscant, Hardcase told everyone that he’ll gave everything right now to have “a huge bowl of pasta and a glass of spotchka”. To which Fives answered that “there must be a recipe combining both pastas and spotchka existing somewhere in the galaxy”. Little do they knew that, of course, such a recipe indeed existed : the famous Pasta Alla Spotchka. It was a dish you were really fond of that you discovered on one of your previous missions, and even if you couldn’t remember exactly from when it was originated, you had been able to find its recipe and make some a few times already.

You had smiled at the thought, but decided to keep for yourself, only letting out a brief “probably, yes”. Kix immediately noticed your grin, knowing perfectly that it meant that you were up to something. That’s how you submitted him the idea right upon exiting the ship, and he enthusiastically agreed with it. You both couldn’t wait to see Hardcase’s face when he’ll found out !

For the dessert, you decided to keep it simple. There was a chocolate cookies recipe that you were used to do and had already shared with the boys on various occasions. It had become your signature cookies recipe over time, and most of them agreed on the fact that it was the best they have ever eat “in the whole galaxy”, as they like to add to embarrass you. Plus, Kix was head over heels for these, so the choice wasn’t hard to make, even more since it was making your best friend happy.

The campaign had been a complete success this time, and fortunately, no severe injuries were reported, only minor ones. It was an additional reason to celebrate, but it also meant that Kix was free of duty at the moment you landed. It only took a moment to both of you unpack your things and take a shower before heading to one of the many Coruscanti marketplaces.

You bumped into Fives and Echo at the store, teasing them about not forgetting anything this time. You were always extremely well organized when it came to grocery shopping, on the contrary of some other pairs, who sometimes had to borrow ingredients they forgot to buy. It had become a running joke among the group at this point.

***

“We better start with the cookies …”, you tell Kix while emptying your groceries bags on the kitchen counter.

“ …. So we could prepare the pasta while they bake ?” he finishes your sentence with a sly smile.

“Exactly” you pursue, smiling back at him. He couldn’t help it, finishing your sentences. But you couldn’t blame him for that, you were often doing the same. Sometimes you felt like if your minds were connected, always understanding each other only by making eye contact, or having the same ideas at the same time. You loved that connection between you, even though you were glad that he couldn’t read your thoughts for real sometimes, especially the most intimate ones.

“Did you bring your datapad and your speakers ?” you ask cheerfully.

“Of course, what a question !”

You were both music enjoyers and were used to cook while listening to your favorite songs. Soon, a flow of lively music was filling the kitchen, and you couldn’t help but sing and dance along. Your good mood was contagious, and Kix quickly joined you in.

As you were setting up all the needed kitchen utensils, Kix stopped in front the bottle of spotchka that was standing on the counter. You had taken the bigger one from the store, for the amount needed for the recipe was huge. However, there will still be some spare beverage at the end, and he knew it. He took the bottle in his hands, examining its label.

“Don’t you think it could be a good idea to taste it before using it ? We don’t know … If there’s something wrong with it, I don’t want to give my brothers some food poisoning …” he lets out, looking at you with a playful smile.

That poor attempt at justifying the opening of the bottle earlier than planned made you laugh.

“Really ? That’s all you have found to try to cover your alcoholism ?” you ask provokingly.

“Well, at least I’ve tried …” he rolls his eyes, “Can I ?”

“Only if I get some too !” you grin.

“Hehe, I knew it !”

He reached for some liquor glasses in the cupboard above he counter, picking two and filling them with the clear liquid.

“To our successful mission and the best General in the galaxy !” he cheers, offering you one of the glasses with a bright smile.

“Don’t forget the most devoted medic in the GAR.” You add, taking it from his hand.

He rolled his eyes in response, a slight blush passing on his cheeks.

“To the 501st !” he finally declares, raising his glass.

“Yeah, to the 501st !” you chuckle, raising yours too, before you both knock down their content in one go.

***

As you said, you started with the cookies. The longest part of the dough making was the chocolate preparation. You weren’t used to pre-made chocolate chips, for they were way too tiny to your taste. Instead, you preferred to cut bigger chunks from whole chocolate bars with a knife. It was a wearing job, especially for such a big quantity, but it was probably the reason why your recipe was so popular. The fuller of chocolate they were, the better the cookies ended.

You kept that part for yourself, leaving the combining of the other ingredients for Kix, who insisted to use his hands instead of a spatula. He seemed to have a lot of fun with it, even if it made him need your help when adding elements to the mixture, to not make a mess with his dough covered hands.

When you finished cutting the chocolate and added it to the preparation, you were both starting to feel joyfully dizzy. The first batch of cookies was put to bake, and you took a moment to contemplate the huge amount of dough waiting to be turned into small pieces before starting the main recipe.

“We’re a pretty effective duo, aren’t we ?” he says with pride.

“How modest” you let out ironically. He was right, but teasing him was funnier than to rule in his favor. You look at him to see his reaction, catching another roll of his eyes before looking deadpan back at you, feigning to be annoyed by your answer.

You were, indeed, always very effective when working together, either on the battlefield, at the medbay, or at whatever else like cooking. It was sometimes making you wonder in what other kind of way you could complete each other that well.

Now that you were thinking about it, you couldn’t help but find him very attractive that way, wearing his top blacks and civilian pants. But mostly, his eyes were so kind and soft, you could stare at them for hours.

“You know, I mean it. And I think that it wouldn’t have been the same with anyone else, I’m really glad to have you around.”

His comment pulled you out of your thoughts and made your heart instantly melt. If he wanted to make you blush, he won. You were used to talk that openheartedly to each other, but this time, it felt different. You couldn’t describe it, but you could feel that something more was happening. Those words sounded like a disguised confession, but you decided to ignore your instinct and brush the thought off.

“And you know I feel the same about you, I’ll be lost without you by my side.”

You felt your cheeks blushing, realizing that what you had just say wasn’t ringing any less like a confession. The thoughts that you were trying to avoid came back to your mind, but you didn’t push them back this time. You should have, but you couldn’t … You found yourself unable to get your eyes off him as tension filled the air. You felt his gaze become more intense upon you, and you caught his hand slowly and hesitantly moving toward you from the corner of your eye. You hold your breath, head spinning with nervousness. You were frozen on spot, waiting for whatever will happen next, hopping that maybe, just maybe, that strange presentiment wasn’t just your mind fooling you …

Biiip biiip biiip

You both jumped in surprise, letting out a squeak at the unexpected and piercing noise, not understanding, at first, from where the sound was coming from. You quickly got yourself together and realized it was the oven announcing that your first batch of cookies was ready.

You both looked at the oven, then back at each other with an expression of confusion on your face, before starting to laugh nervously.

“Well, seems like it’s time for the pastas !” you throw, trying to create a diversion from your awfully flustered face by running toward the oven to open it.

You weren’t really sure of what had just happened, but you decided to definitely burry your troubling thoughts with another shot of spotchka and by focusing on your main dish.

***

You forgot about that awkward moment as soon as you immersed yourself in the preparation of the pasta sauce. You firstly set a big cooking pot of water to boil for the pastas, and split the different steps of the recipe between the two of you. You picked up the slicing of the garlic while Kix chooses to set a pan with olive oil to heat and to measure the other ingredients.

You couldn’t help but cry abundantly at how strong the garlic was. As soon as you had peeled them and even before starting to slice them, the cloves were already attacking your eyes. Kix made fun of you about it until he had to open the tomato concentrate cans. He barely knew how to use a can opener, and made a mess of the whole counter trying to prevent the can lid to drown into the concentrate while opening it.

You ended up exchanging your tasks seeing how badly you were both struggling to fulfill them, and Kix still had to put his helmet on to be able to cut that stupid garlic without crying his eyes out. It was the first time that you were making such a mess in a kitchen, but paradoxically, even if you had enjoyed every one of the previous occurrences, this one was the funnier so far.   

***

It took you more time than expected, but you still managed to get everything done properly. Most of the cookies were already baked and cooling peacefully on the counter, the pastas were cooked and waiting to be mixed with the sauce, the cheese topping had been grated and reserved in the fridge, and the said sauce was finishing to simmer, close to reach the perfect consistency.

You ended up losing count of how many glasses of spotchka you had, but all that mattered was that you had enough for the recipe. At this point, the atmosphere was relaxed, and the music was still playing, you weren’t overthinking the situation anymore and everything was going on as planned.

While you were both forming the next batch of cookies, you saw him suddenly stop moving to look at the flour covered counter like if he had just discovered the meaning of life.

“Are you ok ?” you ask. He didn’t answer anything, but slowly turned his head to look at you. You noticed that his eyes slowly lowered on your dark shirt, then moved to the counter, then back on your shirt.

You were starting to worry about him when a mischievous smile grew on his lips.

“Oh no … what are you up to again ?”

You didn’t get the chance to anticipate his move, and without a warning, he had dived his hand into the thin layer of flour that was covering the counter, then had slammed it on your shoulder.

You take a step back at the unexpected impact, your eyes widening in disbelief as they looked at the white hand mark now printed on your shirt.

“Are you serious ?” you gasp, but the only answer you got was a burst of laughter.

He obviously found it hilarious, and you started to smile too, for his laugh really was contagious. You knew that he usually wasn’t so inclined at pulling pranks, so you decided to play along.

“Well, if I was you, I wouldn’t be so proud of myself, you are the one wearing black from head to toes, just saying” you warn him with a teasing smile.

“You wouldn’t dare !” he lets out, looking at you right in the eyes. You took it as a challenge, of course.

“Watch me !”

Before he could even protest, you had covered you own hand in flour and had slammed it against his chest, creating a little cloud all around the impact.

Your move was immediately taken as a declaration of war, and the beginning of a monstruous white powdered mess. A big cloud of tiny white particles formed and grew as you run after each other all around the kitchen, laughing and covering every inch of body that could possibly be reached with hand prints. The chase goes on for a couple minutes, until you managed to grab him by the arm to stop him in his tracks and slapped his chest one more time.

But he turned over so fast and with so much strength that your hand, firmly attached to his arm, followed his movement, leading your whole body to be carried away toward the nearest kitchen wall, as you were a bit tipsy and missing your usually perfect balance.

Realizing what was happening, he tried to hold you back, but stumbled upon his own feet and was carried away too by your inertia. Your back came crashing against the wall in a muffled thud. Kix’s chest nearly crashed against you, but he fortunately got the reflex to use his forearms to catch himself.

You instantly stopped laughing and went completely silent, processing what had just happen. You were just inches from each other, both panting and your heartbeats racing fast from the previous run. Kix’s arms were settled against the wall, framing your face.

You stayed motionless, looking at him with wide eyes, stunned and chocked, with no idea about what to do next. The closeness was making you nervous again, and you tried not to stare at his mouth, despite the fact that your brain was screaming you to catch the opportunity to kiss him.

But as you were fully focused on trying to refrain your thoughts, Kix decided to solve the problem by leaning toward you and gently placing his lips against yours. You tensed at the contact at first, taken aback and surprised, but you soon started to relax.

You closed your eyes, all your nervousness quicky vanishing, and you unconsciously wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer until you were completely pinned down against the wall.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for so long …” he whispers between two kisses, unable to let go of your lips now that he had tasted them.

“And so do I …” you breath out, heat and desire burning your cheeks.

You were so lost into each other and the music was so loud that neither of you heard the repeated knocks on the door followed by its opening.

“Hey guys, are you here ? We … may have forgotten to buy something … Nothing much, but, I just needed to ask you, have you some spare …”

You suddenly broke your embrace and turned your head toward the intruder. It was Fives, and it was too late, he had already saw you.

“Oh maker !” he exclaims, his jaw dropping in shock, before a wide smile appeared on his lips.

“ I KNEW IT !!!” he shouts triumphantly. You didn’t even get the time to react that he had already escaped the kitchen, running in the corridor still yelling at the top of his lungs.

“I KNEW IT ! GUYS ! I KNEW IT !” his voice was getting farer and farer, and you both knew that soon every single members of the 501st will be informed about that.

You looked at each other, oscillating between concern and confusion.

“Oh kriff it, we’re caught anyway …” Kix whispers with another roll of his eyes. His resigned expression made you chuckle, but soon, his soft smile was back on his face again. He leaned toward you, passionately kiss you again, making you instantly forget about Fives and the tons of teasing that were about to come your way in the next hours.

[katscatnip]

Listening to one song on repeat

My experience with listening to a certain sound or song on repeat for long periods of time.

Shown below all this text is my most recent streams on Spotify. as you can see,, there is just one song listed, and that's because It's all I've listened to for the past 2 days or so.

I have done this kinda thing sing as long as I recall having personal access and control over what I listen to. my earliest memories of it being the time my mom let me chose the song we play on the sound system (the song in question was Rock the Nation by Michael Franti) and i would constantly ask her to "play it again!" until she couldn't handle it anymore. Next it was when we bought the Curious George movie on CD and in the bonus features, there was a music video for the song played earlier in the movie Upsidedown by Jack Johnson (again was eventually asked to stop playing it over and over lmao.

Next was when i was old enough to stay for the "after school program" it essentially let the kids get into fun toys and boardgames and such and what I would do every single time is find one of the three sony CD walkmen in the electronics box, put in the Shrek soundtrack cd and set SmashMouth's allstar to loop, then proceed to walk up and down the gym's left wall gliding my fingers against the textured grout for the next hour and a half to three hours depending if it was an extended day.

Next was another walkman, my older sibling's bf at the time would bring one over with him when he visited along with his latest playlist burned to a cd and would let me borrow it. this is when I heard the oh-so-familiar and desired FireFlies by Owlcity (my current fav song at the time that I could only hear on the car radio when going into town) where I would proceed to lie on my upper bunk bed in complete darkness and imagine I was in space.

Another time was when a different friend would bring over their iPod and I would loop a couple greenday and Metallica songs over and over (I don't remember the song names now lmao)

Fast forward to my teen years im actively annoying my siblings after playing a song 7 times too many. yada yada ya-

I am aware of that now,,

my friends have been pointing out traits that were worth looking into for a while and I finally did and ya. when I went in they said it was not hard to notice and identify it from the moment I walked in the door.

Anyway, this post isnt about that its actually about how self-aware and insecure I've become from having others perceive this part of me. I've never really had any bad experiences aside from the occasional family member shout at me to "stop playing the same song" which is whatever.

The real issue for me is things like Spotify Wrapped and the idea that what I listen to as an auditory stim is perceived as my "taste" in music and such. i guess its rooted in maintaining a kind of character in the social aspect, and feeling like I have to make what I listen to look palatable to peers and that means having a high listen count and knowledge of artists whose music has meaning and depth while also not being caught listening to the opposite (breakcore, hyperpop, noise, goofy nonsensical hip-hopy stuff, etc)(?)

Which I'm finding to be stackingly exhausting and I think I've trying this year and lastyear to give myself the grace of being me and not conforming to the shape I feel pressured to fit into.

I hear and read a lot of peer's takes or reviews on music and such (which I think is important to have ofc) but it kinda feels to cliquey for me to feel fully comfortable being in those circle's conversations.

sometimes i just like the noises and vibration pattern coming from a specific artist's stuff and don't take in or care about the meaning or depth of a song's lyrics,, anyways yeah. here's some of the semi-recent past loops: (noise warning on some!🔊) 757, Hollywood baby, Improved mashcore, kickback, 3 o'clock things, Being so normal, Uncanny long arms, Leg room, Stuck Inside

below is my current song backslide by 21 Pilots. the tapeworm synth and silly bass drops itch the itch good :+)

[ainyan]

What was one thing about developing Kali that you needed to tweak to get right?

What is your favorite trait of Kali's?

What was one thing about developing Kali that you needed to tweak to get right?

Kali was originally Ciprys, my main play character. When I started shipping her with Thancred, @sylaurin rightly got a teeny bit annoyed (as Ciprys happens to be married to her Cirdan XD) and I decided to create a new character to ship with Thancred instead.

When transferring Ciprys to Kali, I realized that there were certain personality traits that I had assigned the original Ciprys that I really did not like (and subsequently stripped entirely from both Kali and Ciprys, giving Cip a completely different and much more fun personality and tempering them in Kali).

The original Ciprys was far more self-destructive; she was inclined towards self-hatred and loathing and would often throw herself into dangerous situations not because she needed to, but because she wanted to. While not actively suicidal, she didn't feel worthy of survival and courted death assiduously. (You can see an echo of this in Nadir, which is NOT a canon story for Kali, but is for the original Ciprys).

I started writing her during a really bad point in my career, and it translated into a really negative character. By the time I created Kali, things had improved, and that translated to an overall more optimistic character. While Kali still has self-esteem and self-worth issues, they're far more manageable and she most definitely has a very strong survival instinct - and a lot more reasons to want to live.

Some people (eyes @sasslett) think Kali is still too hard on herself, but for me, she hits just the right notes of self-confident (as the Warrior), and uncertain (as a woman) to keep her from being arrogant or overbearingly perfect.

What is your favorite trait of Kali's?

My favorite trait of Kali's is her love for learning; it's one of those self-insert traits that I tend to add to almost every character I play. I love learning. If I could, I would spend my entire life in school just studying every subject I could get my hands on. In Kali, it's that drive to learn that sends her out adventuring, that makes her look to see what's beyond the next hill, that makes her so eager to be a part of the Studium. And I love how it shows in every part of her, from the Warrior, to the crafter, to the woman.

EEE! Thank you for asking :D

[firespirited]

About yesterday's cry for connection, several things happened at once, as they do. On top of the seasonal despresh hitting it's lows and teasing brief moments of clarity.

Small on the richter scale: The gmail app once again failed to block dad's email which was a seemingly anodyne "happy birthday did you get my ecard (i did and promptly put my emails on their 'do not send' list) , did you do anything special with your friends for the big 4.0?" 1- He's acting like we're buddies, I haven't spoken to him in a decade 2- He's either forgotten or in denial about his complete failure at being a decent human being in November which led to sis finally giving up on him. 3- One of his fave digs was my lack of solid friends (he moved us every three years so that's partly on him) and inability to do milestone stuff like an 18th or 21st birthday bash. It's very on brand to be able to break me in two nice sentences. But it's not so much him per se but the friends who turned out to be anti vaxx or anti mask so I expressed sadness and haven't tried to rebuild. I'm not sure there is any thing to rebuild when folks are explicit their beliefs exclude you.

Bigger on the richter scale: I've injured my pectorals several times in march doing abdominal building exercises and having to catch myself when my hip give out from pain. It's very painful and sets me right back. I need to work on all the muscles around the hips before I can start work on my atrophied lower back. It's at least 3 more months added to the rehabilitation process. Realistically I don't think I'll be rerooting or doing any handicrafts over 40 minutes long per week until 2024. And then it won't be commissions.

It's been 3 full months of rehab work, there is real visible progress but it's very slow and disappointingly small.

I also have to whittle down the project dolls I've kept and get it all out of the house even at a loss (oof) along with a serious re-evaluation of what I buy (double oof). Project dolls are only fun if you can actually *do* the project not just know the exact steps you *would* do. That means other types of treats and finding other things to do when I've got some free time and am itching to make something. The ones that will stay need hairstyles, maybe quick decoden hair and wigs so I won't be reminded until I'm ready, plastic is patient but I am not! (That'll actually be fun to do)

In good news, the anemia has improved and my eyebrows are growing back brown (4mm of brown, 6 of white lol) , I'm on a more solid treatment for GI candida and hope to heal my sore half taste-broken tongue.

I've resolved to purchase anti-mosquito summer clothes for walks if needed as a necessary health expense. Ties into the money insecurities mentioned before with a mental 'fix'.

Tiny on the richter scale but these things add up :

The whiplash of seeing dolltwt acting like they're the nice place for nice people or "it's only funny when it's us, it's malicious if you're someone who can't sit with us". Can't believe I got sucked into that nonsense. Stupid rabbithole to go down.

A youtuber getting too parasocially needy and setting off all my alarm bells.

Way more youtubers who *were* interesting and educational on certain subjects but lately have got lost in navel gazing about whether they're making the mind changing art/activism they dreamed of. It's part film grad, part evangelical need to have convert notches on your belt instead seeing the value in rebuilding broken things, paying someone's bills, prevention not miracles.

You could be educating for education's sake (teacher isn't a lesser job) and doing art for art's sake. I can handle a certain amount of self indulgence and there is always a place for self congratulation on a hard job but the performative is winning out over the active work and I just don't have much grace left to spare right now. I'd rather hear a well made liberal journalistic podcast on a subject than watch a radical leftist who'll derail the point with the implication that it's a sacrifice to be talking about this subject instead of being a 'proper' film maker.

Doesn’t sound like much but when you've carved out your hour of listening and that's not happening because it's become messy then there's a hole and it's really hard to find the right balance of interesting but no cliffhangers or nihilism, no toxic positivity no false promises. With my current desperation for routines and extreme pickyness: You see the problem right?

So, in a nutshell I need to find new treats, new entertainment, more courage to get rid of items I'm attached to, find rerooters in the EU so I can just refer all queries without having to explain that my back is rekt and the rest of me is rekt so healing will be stupid long, set a goal of acceptable hip pain while exercising and a goal of how much hip pain to aim for that won't mess with ab and dorsal work. Wait til enough emotional balance to donate recycle clothes that look rough. Dare to open up and make new friends knowing that heartbreak is inevitable. Cool cool cool. We'll start small.

❤️❤️❤️

[dez-wade]

(This is all in character I can’t be bothered to add q! every time)

I’m ngl at least between the brazilian characters and gringo characters I feel like you are just not allowed to criticize anyone from either side lol. Like I personally find it valid to not let go of some memories or events, even if it’s months old. Examples being foolish arresting pac and mike, Jaiden finding the way stone, forever hitting leo etc. because these were big emotional rp moments and it just feels like disservice for them to not have any lasting impact. And if characters forgive each other, we get the satisfaction of growing character development and relationships

From MY PERSPECTIVE viewers of pretty much any character are always going to lean into self-victimizing angst and idk what can even be done about it lul. Like no character or storyline in IMPROV rp is gonna be perfect or even have perfect reasoning (also instead of viewers using “sillyness” as a reasoning I think it’s perfectly fine to just like…..conclude that maybe the cc thought that course of action would enable funner rp)

That ended up a bit too long, so there's me criticizing the fandom under cut.

I think the point of me being bothered about people not forgetting some actions, is that they don't do it in a constructive way. For example, I think the Bobby Fields should be remembered because it shapes Jaiden's mistrust and paranoia and also has great moments with Forever paralleling Jaiden, including a lot of foreshadowing that would pay off in Forever's arc. But when people just go about mindless hate or just to twist a character into what they aren't just to justify to keep talking badly about them months after the fact, it's no fun. Especially because a lot of it was also hate to the CC.

The Leo incident could have been amazing but the CC got SO much hate that he almost dropped QSMP and to this day he barely talks about it because it reminds him of the hate he got. It wasn't just qForever hate. He dropped an entire villain arc because of that. He apologized multiple times to cc!Foolish because of guilt.

I feel like there were very few CCs that were so harshly "criticized" as he was.

And what bothers me is also not "they're being silly" it's the hypocrisy of the fandom, I usually don't mind what the characters do. How you're complaining about Foolish not being taken seriously ever by his peers, but when he betrayed his friends and arrested them it's because "it's funny" or "just a joke". The selectiveness of what should be taken seriously or not is only when it benefits the characters.

I think it's fine if the characters do it because they're "silly" or "just a little guy", some characters ARE like that (actually, most of them.) But also some people are allowed to not like when they screw over a character they like because of sillyness. It doesn't erase the character's feelings.

I don't think things will get better though because since the characters share the name with the CCs, and the CCs are very active on Twitter, no matter if people are using Q or not before the name it's always gonna have people complaining and mistaking it as hate. So a lot of people walk around eggshells when this happens. But I usually don't see that happening with some characters who are freely criticized. So people end up getting mad at the double standards.

The Jaiden situation for example, breaking into the Fear room, I particularly didn't give a shit about it and I even felt disappointed the codebreakers weren't working. I actually wanted her to read the files. But people defending her immediately brought Forever up to talk about how what he did to her was way worse, even though Forever is not even involved in that situation and it's about Jaiden and Cellbit, the guy who even defended her from Forever about the Bobby Fields. Other people brought him up to say how unfair it was the massive hate Forever got for doing something similar, while Jaiden got it easy. It's not that people want her to be hated, but it does sting seeing the same people who complained the most about qForever can brush it off when another CC does it.

So the double standards do exist, for me most people would appreciate the drama the characters create. I think it's funny to criticize because it's a story after all, but you can't help but feel annoyed at how some characters have it worse than others for similar actions.

Another great example is when people defended Foolish for arresting Tazercraft saying how it was just a joke, but when they tricked him into believing they killed Leo then revealed that it was a prank and started laughing, these same people were criticizing Tazercraft saying it wasn't a funny joke. That they thought it was cruel. Even though that was the lesson they wanted Foolish to learn, that what might be funny to you, might not be so funny for the others. And he understood that! His chat didn't, and for them Foolish was the sole victim.

So in the end, what bothers me is mostly the fandom lol

I don't dislike any character, despite having been displeased with a lot of multiple characters' actions. But some people can make the character more annoying just by how they try to defend them. But it's always important to try to separate them to the max.

[escape-rock-bottom]

Burning Out

I have a feeling every living human being will (and has) experienced burnout on some level at some point in their lives. It’s that feeling of being absolutely drained of energy even though you haven’t been doing much for a while. It’s the feeling that you’re at your wit’s end when it comes to work, socializing, or personal care.

It’s almost similar to depression, but lacks the feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and despair that accompany depression. Basically, you just don’t have it in you to do any more. It’s a state that you can come out of, but the time you spend there will vary on how overworked you were.

Burnout is caused by intense stress of some sort. The stress could be physical, relationship based, work based, or even just caused by your own thoughts and emotions. Depending on how much stress you come under, the burnout can be more severe and even chronic.

Chronic cases seem to affect people under constant stress over a long duration of time with little breaks, and severe cases seem to affect those who are under more severe stress. Regardless, your mileage may vary — What causes me burnout may not affect another in the slightest and the duration of my burnout may not match that of yours.

What’s important here is to understand what causes you burnout and what helps you recover quickly and effectively. What’s also important to understand is how vital it is to your success, mental health, and general wellbeing to avoid completely running yourself into the ground.

Do the people who are always constantly under stress look happy to you? Do you feel they’re heading for their own rock bottom eventually? Do you think that their dreams and passion will die out the longer they push past their limits? Don’t get me wrong, there’s good stress and pushing past your comfort zone is the way to improve, but there is a DANGER! RED ZONE! when it comes to how much you push your boundaries.

Here’s a list of all the fun and wonderful things burnout can cause if you decide to ignore your needs!

Depression, anxiety, chronic stress, irritability, and a variety of mood disorders

Dwindling relationships and a lack of sociability

A constant feeling of dread when it comes to doing anything

Loss of momentum in work, school, self improvement

Loss of interest and effort put into work, school, relationships, or even your own family

Lack of self-care and hygiene

Mental and physical fatigue and a lack of energy

Okay, so how do you recover from or avoid burnout altogether? I hate to say it but the answer is not that simple since the exact methods will vary from person to person, but here’s a general small list of things you can try to avoid burnout:

Pace yourself and don’t take on more than you can possibly handle at once

Learn to prioritize and optimize your time. Some tasks will take more energy than others, so try to narrow down the most important ones and the easiest ones. Some people benefit from doing the smaller tasks first before moving on to the bigger ones. Some find doing the big ones first helps more. Then, there’s the option of breaking up the big task with smaller ones.

Avoid “busy work”, focus on “important work”. Busy work can be a distraction from what’s really important, and can cause you to feel too busy (because you kind of are)

Allow yourself mindfulness and self care time every workday, and wind down on your off days. Try not to pack your weekends full of things to do if you can avoid it!

Try giving yourself “do nothing” time at least once a week. Yep, you have nothing to do at that time. You can fill that time with hobbies, fun family activities, exercise routines, or anything that can help alleviate stress.

If you begin to feel overwhelmed, take a quick break. Recollect your thoughts, journal, or practice mindfulness to get yourself back together before you jump back in

As for recovery, it looks pretty similar to the avoidance tactics. Recovery will require a longer period of time to yourself in which you do not have any particular work to get done. It will also require that you focus on mindfulness, relaxation, and stress management. However, if you can avoid it, you wouldn’t have to worry about taking a bunch of time away from work!

Burnout is no joke. It’s a thing we all experience, yet no one really talks about it. We live in a time where working hard and pushing constantly is heavily rewarded and admired but we are not machines. We are flawed and limited human beings who need a dang break every once in a while.

Heck, if we were machines capable of 24/7 work with no negative psychological or physical effects, I’d say go for the hustle culture! However, we’re not (yet?). Keep that in mind next time you want to load your schedule with tasks that don’t matter or can be handled by someone else. Once again, hard work is good, but too much of a good thing is often bad.

[astromechs]

I read through your breakdown of comic related ideas that could have been used in Gamora's post Endgame arc and they were really good! All the details you hit on were smart and logical. I most loved how you pointed out that Gamora's arc/story didn't end at the hands of Thanos in the comics and it didn't have to end that way in the films either.

I think the main thing that keeps me from having vol 3 be at the top of my faves list with 1&2 is that every writing move for Gamora after IW turned out to be more in favor of making sure what Thanos did stood out than it was about making sure Gamora's own arc stood out. Her being a guardian wasn't a cute little subplot in a larger story. It was the story. Her relationships and things she accomplished weren't fun little bonuses, they were huge gains after years of serving Thanos and only having his vision for her life count towards her identity. Taking these away from her first through her murder and then through the time travel wasn't a small roadblock. It was no different than taking the history of Iron Man building his suit, or the significance of Captain America's shield. In vol 1 Rocket talked about how they all had dead people and the poignancy was that even though they all had those tragedies in the past, once they found eachother they got to move forward. Gamora's death turned her into another tragedy in the past and also another poor dead lady at the hands of an abuser power hungry God like Meredith and Lylla. Worse though is that we never got to explore what that tragedy really meant to Gamora either through redirecting back onto her life through a funeral or by having her past self get to reflect on it and work through those feelings. It was obvious in Endgame that 2014 Gamora had a lot to process between being in the future, finding out she was killed and realizing she had a family. She wasn't unaffected or emotionless about everything. Even if she decided to make different choices all of this was something major to mentally work out. We never got to see her go through much of the process and as such it kind of made Gamora less of an active participant in the aftermath of a story very much linked to her. It also impacted an important relationship for Nebula too which was the most central relationship between women in the story.

My other problem is that they stayed cleverly away from humanizing her death. It was like how in real life when people want to water down a heinous crime they will say tragic event or unfortunate incident instead of murder, mass shooting, assault etc. But the reason you need to use the actual words is because it gives a raw look at what happened. It makes it real. It's why using a victims name is so important too. It brings back the humanity. Peter is the only one who sort of touched on the reality of what happened and what Gamora meant to the entire existence of the team. That's not enough though. If they were going to do what they did there should have been more ownership of it.

I did love how they handled the arc between Peter and Gamora and in many ways it was a creative and moving take on a love story and finding your way back to someone. I don't want to ignore this or overlook the good. It's just that there was so much more to Gamora's story and it feels like they put a band-aid on the wound rather than cleaning it out and really examining the damage so there could be more thorough healing on Gamora's end.

i'm right there with you, and that's why gamora's arc in vol 3 left something to be desired, for me; the writing tried to both sweep the death under the rug and also sometimes acknowledge it, and then not exploring this gamora's experience about it in much depth. i wish the film had done this, because ultimately some of the issues i had with it would've been improved. it's like you said — gamora's overall story being overshadowed for the benefit of thanos, and then not much ground there being made up for.

all things considered, though, even with the issues i have regarding how gamora as a character specifically was handled, i really like how the arc was handled between gamora and peter in vol 3. it was really poignant and beautiful, and had a lot of hope for them finding their way back to each other after that tragedy. it ended exactly where it needed to, canonically — and i'm excited to take it from here and explore it in some of my own future writing.

(and thank you so much! 💙)

[pazodetrasalba]

Game Theory

Dear Caroline:

I'd guess this kind of criticism would come from either people who are more ruthlessly utilitarian than you, or from people who really enjoy, as you say, 'the object level of their life'. In the first case, I would suspect they are taking their principles too far, to the point that they become robotic slaves of Optimization, perfect +EV machines, which to me feels slightly inhuman and undesirable. At the same time, though, there might be this very EA disdain for fame, glory, recognition and doing intellectually stimulating things, which are meant to be sacrificed on the altar of Utility. After all, EA's stereotypical heroes are people who went into neglected areas and got high impact but little to no public recognition, like Stanislav Petrov and Victor Zhdanov. It seems to include an ethical distaste for conventional rewards in status, fun and pleasure.

As for the second type of objectors, I can find it easier to agree a bit with them, but am still more in your camp here than theirs. You are an incredibly smart and sophisticated person, which matches well with those meta levels of enjoyment that you mention. To a certain point, I suspect this is true of everyone: we are actually hardwired to enjoy the good things in life much less than how we suffer their lack and the bad things in life -an evil but effective motivator of sorts. Even if actual experiences are pleasurable, I would concur that imagining their realization, and turning the into levels passed in some ever-going Game of Life is much more inherently satisfying.

Complex aesthetic and intellectual self-cultivation tends to work for me better than the activities that society generally considers high-status, but I've probably pushed in this direction to a fault. In my socio-economic background, work was inherently tough, unpleasant, dull - each and every coin drenched in the sweat of mostly mindless and physically extenuating activity, which probably communicated the wrong message to my teenage self: strictly search for a job that is intellectually satisfying and that gives you enormous amounts of free time for learning and reading. But I am aware that this might be too egoistic and self-serving, and that one should also cultivate a moral inclination to improving the world and other people's lives, even if not maximally. And I feel that in some people, helping others through sacrificing some of your own appetites is its own, weird source of pleasure and happiness.

Quote:

I agree that it’s good for my job to be optimized for effectiveness and stuff. But I think a lot of my leisure time should be optimized for what I enjoy, and it so happens that signaling is one of my favorite leisure activities.

Caroline Ellison

[flyiingsly]

How to get away with bad pranks

Square : Fives

Pairing : Fives x gn!reader

Warnings : mentions of blood and injuries, reader being shot at, Fives being a tease, swearing, kissing and pining

Wordcount : 2,7k

Summary : You catch Fives trying to pull a prank on Kix, but things backfire quickly on you, leading you into an unexpected but enjoyable position.

A/N : Here it is finally, my first submission for the @clonexreaderbingo ! I'm a bit nervous about posting it, because it's the first time ever that I'm sharing something I wrote on Tumblr, so it's a big first for me ! I had so much fun writing this one, I hope you'll enjoy it :D

Disclaimer : I'm still struggling to understand English grammar properly, English is not my native language and even if I have proofread my writtings several times, there is probably still typos in it. I'm very self conscious about it and I apologize for it in advance, but I'm doing my best to do better and I'm actively working at improving my writting skills !

So if you spot a typo, feel free to point it to me so I can correct it, it will be much appreciated :)

It was Fives's idea, of course ... He was always the one for the worst prank ideas ever ... And much to your despair, he was the kind to drag everyone around him along when things go out of hands.

That’s how you ended, thanks to him, running for your life around the corridors of the 501st quarters, a very angry Kix after you, firing paralyzing blaster charges at you and cursing like an angry hutt. As most of the time when someone got caught between him and the one he wanted to prank, you were only at the wrong place at the wrong moment.

You were searching for some band-aids to begin with, as you badly cut your hand with scrap metal while fixing an astromech droid who got shot on your last mission. You didn’t wanted to bother Kix, for he was currently reporting about the latest medical interventions from that said mission to Rex. So you decided to go get some at the medbay on your own. Since you were accredited as a medic too, you had the authorization to treat your own wounds if needed, if they weren’t too bad, of course, and a total access to the medbay.

You thought you’ll be alone, since there was nobody left here to heal. All injured men were already back on duty, thanks to the wonderful cares Kix provided to them. But when you opened the door, you heard some suspect noises. You stop moving for a moment, feeling that something was kind of wrong.

“Is there anybody here ?” you shout.

“Ho, hey, (y/n) ! What are doing here ?” a very awkward and embarrassed Fives answer you, popping his head from behind the curtain separating the entrance of the medbay and the nearest examination room.

Oh, not that idiot again you thought. His presence here wasn’t suggesting any good. And not to add to your bad premonition, the lights were shut, except for that one lamp behind the curtain, and you immediately knew that whatever you were going to find behind it would be something overstepping every possible protocols.

You were absolutely fond of each one of your comrades for sure, you could give your own life for them. But this one … You were particularly susceptible to his charms to be honest, even if you knew that when he had decided to be sneaky and to play a joke on someone, he could become a huge pain in the ass.

“I came here to find some disinfectant and band-aids, I cut my hand … And what about you ? You know you have no authorization to be here alone Fives. You know you can come and find me if you get injured, I will not judge you, you know me !”

You try not to sound too suspicious, for maybe he was here because he really needed it and not to do something unreasonable for once.

He had, indeed, developed the bad habit of injuring himself in the stupidest of ways. Not very serious injuries fortunately, but Kix was tired of having to deal with his case and one day reprimanded him, so he became reluctant to find him when in need of a medic. That was why you offered him to come find you if that had to happen again. Which he did most of the time. And when he didn’t, you always ended up noticing he was injured anyway. Of course, all of this gave you the opportunity to spend more time with him, but you wish it could be under others circumstances.

“Well …”, he hesitate, “I, huh … No, I’m fine, I just wanted to make a little surprise for Kix, you know …” He finally admit, a nervous smile playing on his lips.

So, it was what you were fearing, he was doing something stupid, again …

“Oh my god, Fives, I hope it’s not that bad this time !” you groan, hurrying toward the curtain and opening it.

It was that bad.

“FIVES WHAT THE …. ???”

You didn’t get the chance to finish your sentence that you hear a desperate scream behind you. You turn back and see Kix, who just happened to enter the room. You forgot to close the door behind you, so the sound of its opening didn’t inform you of his arrival.

“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE ?” he screams, anger piercing trough his voice, “THIS TIME I SWEAR I’LL KILL YOU !” he adds, grabbing his paralyzing blaster from his belt.

“Wait …” you try to explain, but you were cut by Fives taking you by the hand and dragging you across the room to the door.

“Run !”

“I didn’t do anythiiiing !” you try to protest anyway, but it was too late, Kix was already chasing after you, aiming at you with his weapon.

The best option would have been to stay and explain yourself about the fact that it was absolutely none of your fault, but now that you were running away, considering how angry Kix was, you became highly suspect and were almost immediately assigned guilty. Even though he knew you usually were the wise one, trying your best to discourage his irresponsibles brothers to make a mess. But he was way too furious to think about it right now, and you cannot blame him.

So here you were, dodging electric shocks, passing by other soldiers whit absolutely no idea of what was happening, with a still bleeding hand, and pursued by a very hysterical medic.

“FIVES I SWEAR I KRIFFIN' HATE YOU FOR MAKER’S SAKE !” you bark at the clone, your cheeks burning from the sudden adrenaline rush.

“Oh, I don’t really think so my dear ! » he answers, smiling with pride.

You were speechless. So that dumbass still had the nerves to do humor to your face after embarking you in his mess ! You promise to yourself that you were going to make him pay for that, one way or another.

But the only thing that matters at that very moment was to find a place to hide until Kix could finally calm down. Thankfully, you were running faster than him, and you managed to pass a few automatic doors that you closed behind you to slow him down.

“THERE !” Fives suddenly yells, pointing at a little door on the right side of the corridor. You reach it within seconds, and he slams the controlling pad to open it, pushing you inside and closing it quickly again before you could even ask what was behind it.

It was dark, but you could still distinguish some blurry shapes around you, even without really knowing what they were. All you could tell was that the space was very tight.

Both of you remain silent for a moment. You were both shaking and panting from your intense and unexpected run. You could feel your heart pumping in your ears, and your blood rushing through your veins. You both try to listen to what was going on outside. It was very quiet. Too quiet.

After what seemed like an eternity, you hear fast footsteps and a ragged breathing passing by the door at full speed without slowing down at its sight.

You look around you, realizing that your eyes had got used to the darkness, as you were now able to see what was around you. You were in some sort of closet, and there only was a shelf against the back wall, crowded with what was looking like tools and cans of paint. Some kind of a storeroom in fact.

Your heartbeat had finally calmed down, and you let out a sigh of relief. You were safe in here. But for how long ?

You then notice that you were barely more than a foot from each other. A very thigh space, indeed.

You raise your head toward the man standing right in front of you, and when you meet his gaze, it was already upon you. His eyes were glowing and intensely focused on your face. Your heart start to race again, as you felt a bit taken aback by the closeness and the way he was looking at you. You weren’t expecting your day to go on like this.

“Well, what are we supposed to do now ?” you ask him nervously, whispering as quietly as possible.

“Now that you ask …” A mischievous smirk was growing on his lips, making you fear the worst. “I see plenty of possibilities honestly …”

Of course, you should have known what kind of answer that question was calling for. You knew him so well, it was inevitable, and yet, you had to ask anyway.

Teasing each other with suggestive remarks had always been a thing between soldiers, and Fives was always going for it any time he had the opportunity. Witnessing this behavior usually made you laugh and roll your eyes, not really minding it. But this time, it makes you feel unusually flustered, and your brain start to send you unwanted and detailed glimpses of what those possibilities could look like.

You didn’t know what came to your confused mind, but you decide to play his game, just to see if he was bold enough to go along with someone who was not one of his brothers.

“Oh really ? I’d like to see that.” You tease, raising an eyebrow in defiance, but instantly internally facepalming for it. “What the hell are you doing ?” you wordlessly yelled at yourself, feeling the heat rising to your face.

“W-what ?” he mumbles in a high-pitched tone, forgetting to whisper, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping at your words. He was obviously not expecting that kind of answer.

“What ?” you repeat, as shocked as him. But quickly, his expression of pure confusion makes you chuckle, allowing you to release a bit of your nervousness.

“Relax, I was joking … I just wanted to see if you were going to add to it, apparently not.” You were grinning, a bit proud of yourself afterward.

“You’re an awful person, you know that ?”

“Hey ! You started this !”

He rolls up his eyes and pulls his best annoyed face, but ends up smiling at you anyway. He never was good at feigning annoyance, or any other emotion, actually.

The silence fall between you again, but you feel that there still was some tension in the air, and you knew by the look on his face that something was bothering him. He was so close that you could hear his heart starting to race again.

“Fives ? Are you okay ?” you ask after you noticed that his gaze was locked on you again, but for way too long this time.

He seems like paralyzed, wanting to move but too hesitant to do so. He opens his mouth like if he was about to say something but immediately shut it again. His eyes were still glowing, and without a warning, he closes the space between you, cups your face with both his hands, and his lips came crashing against yours.

It happened so fast that you couldn’t saw it coming. You let out a muffled squeak of surprise and your whole body tense up at first, but soon you close your eyes and relax, allowing yourself to get carried away by the moment. He wasn’t lying when he bragged about being a good kisser.

But he breaks the kiss, you were both panting. He quickly lets go of you and takes a step behind, a frightened expression on his face.

“I … I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I … I got overwhelmed …” he was so embarrassed and afraid of your reaction that he was struggling to find his words. At this point, the idea of whispering to avoid being caught was far gone from his mind.

You, on the other hand, were standing completely silent, still processing what had just happened, trying your best to refrain your mind from going wild over inappropriate thoughts. You bite your lips, avoiding his gaze, trying to get yourself together and carefully pick up your words.

“Was that what you were thinking about when you were talking about “possibilities” ?” you ask blankly.

He hesitate for a moment before answering you, not sure if he could tell you the truth at first, but soon remembers that he was screwed anyway.

“Well …” he sighs, “to be honest, yes, and I had to admit that I have been thinking about it since the first time I met you.” He spits out in one go, immediately cursing himself as he saw your eyes growing wider than ever.

You still didn’t answer anything, but on the inside, his confession had turned you into a huge mess. You were doing your best to keep your composure, but it was becoming harder and harder.

“Oh kriff, what’s wrong with me …” he breathes out, hiding his eyes under his hand.

Without hesitating much longer, you came closer to him and gently take his hand in one of yours to uncover his face, much to his surprise. Your sudden closeness was unexpected, as he was waiting for you to storm out of the closet and go report him right in the minute. But instead, his fear was greeted by the feeling of your lips passionately meeting his again.

He immediately dives in, answering and deepening the kiss, one of his hands unconsciously finding its way to your hip, grabbing it firmly, while the fingers of the other hand came running through your hair. You wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer, desperately wanting to feel his body against yours.

It was so intense and thrilling, and you were holding your breath so tight that you were seeing stars, and you both had to stop kissing so you could reach for air. But it didn’t take long for him to come back at it, teasingly biting your lower lips in the process. You couldn’t help but let out a faint moan as it made your excitation level dangerously increase. You could feel him smiles mischievously at your reaction, visibly enjoying it.

You were both so focus on each other that you didn’t even notice that footsteps were passing by the door once again to stop in front of it. Only a second after, It was slammed open without a warning, making you jump in surprise, stopping you in your tracks and bringing in the violent light of the corridor.

“HERE YOU ARE !” You hear Kix screaming triumphantly at you, although you were too blinded by the sudden burst of luminosity to clearly see him. All you could distinguish was the form of the blaster he was still holding in his hand.

He instantly stops moving when he notices in which position and how close you were, dropping his jaw in disbelief.

Fives and you both throw a horrified look at each other, not expecting to be catch like that. You had nearly forgot why you were here in the first place.

“We … we can explain !” the ARC trooper stutters.

But Kix quickly moves on and you didn’t even get a chance to protest that he was already aiming his blaster at you, not bothering to ask for a clarification. You both let out a scream, trying to beg him not to fire at you.

“PLEASE, KIX, DON’T DO THAT, I’M SOR …”

Fives couldn’t finish his sentence that a shot reaches him, making him collapse on the floor in a painful start. Nearly immediately after, you felt a dazzling pain passing through your whole body and your muscles contracting. You wanted to scream but you were unable to, and soon your mind blacks out, leaving you unconscious too.

Needless to say that Kix didn’t hesitate to use what he saw to tease you when you woke up as a revenge for the prank, and he seemed to immensely enjoy it. The last thing you wanted was to get involved in Fives' plans, but you had to admit that it was more than worth it this time.

[theavscout]

Hmm.. I don’t know why but my hashtag says

#animalcrossing now I am sitting here with a bit of bewilderment.. which animal is crossing. Not going to lie since I have lived here I have seen more coyotes then I have ever seen in my life. When I was younger my father would take us to Phoenix, Arizona every summer. My father had a business trip and my mother would take us adventuring, site seeing and giving us lessons on the culture in that specifics state environments. Anyways at the water park hotel they had a kids club there that the kids could join if their parents were in their own clubs. Which I feel like my dad was in all the social light “clubs” the first class airline private lodges etc..

VIP rewards first in line, free lodging between flights.. you pay into these clubs or you get a certain amount of points. I really do feel like I am running out of time. So I hardly relax now a days but I do feel like when I am in peaceful environments like the beach in Hawaii or it could be a local one all my worries drift away with the sounds of the sea. I really am sleepy but in the Phoenix kids club there was sick games we would play. We also had to learn vapid information in and out Arizona and the desert. Of course basic survival skills how to live in the desert, horseback riding and other fun activities and of course Indians!! I love learning about Indians they are super bad ass. My grandmother Marlene growing up had a nice time share in arizona that we would stay in. It was one of my favorites because the decor was very Pablo house and made of clay rocks vibe and then we had the Indians turquoise everything, but my favorite about the spot was the golf course, the pool, and the in house ms Pac-Man that I would play none stop. I learned how to golf at the la Quinta and ever since there age 6yrs old I fell in love with it. I have played at a local course almost every place I have been too. Man it feels good to let my self free write it has been so long since I have had the chance to do this. I really which I had a man in my bed right now to cuddle with I am so lonely.

Back to the airport clubs: All the free snacks perks etc.. it was a good time networking with all the major players in the field. My favorite beyond favorite was the take your daughter to work day. He had been training me as his personal assistant since I was a small baby, teaching me how the proper way to answer the phone is. Having me always record the family messages, learning to take notes and how to carry out quality customer service skills.

I know my grammar is trash but I know it will only improve in time. I truly am my worst critic, I just can’t help myself I have been tough on myself like this my whole life. I hold myself to the high standards I hold others that doesn’t mean I always oblige either. Right now I am wondering how safe it is for me right here. And when I die am I going from natural causes? Is my husband going to murder me but really we both go live in another country happy ever after. I was always hoping my hero would come save me. Take me away for 6mths to a year and learn about another country while I am alway. I do i do i do speak it into reality I know my dreams matter and I know they can in fact come true.

Body check: my hips and neck have been a highlight of pain today. We all know a body in motion stays in motions.. however I was having a tough time today. I got rid of my dads old bed it was gross and we needed to do that long over due. I was happy to also cut up old furniture that smelled like dog piss because the wood had been saturated in the dog urine for so long. I was so happy to see it burn it had a funky smell to it though and my chimney through off a high alert to everyone during the day they are pain in the ass complaining about my chimney smoke. Whatever, right now I am in bed and I am so happy to be. I don’t know how comfortable I feel with the bed on the floor but I do.

Man I really wish someone who enjoys hanging out with me would come back over. Sweet dreams, may God bless your life tonight and may we all get the rest we need. Amen.

[mavstudentvoice]

How Working Out Changed My Life (and Why You Should Start Doing It Too): 5 Tips to Get You Started

Why I Started 

I used to hate working out and did not ever even have the desire to go. I was content with my life at the time and didn't really feel the need to. But I got to a very dark point in my life and did not even want to do anything but sit at home. So one day I decided I was sick of that and wanted to do something about it. My friend Orin talked about how working out is fun and beneficial for yourself, so I decided to try it.

For the first months, I was not very comfortable and felt embarrassed. I was comparing myself to others and that was not helpful at all. The only person you should compare yourself to is you from yesterday.

So over time, I started to realize that I was changing. When I looked in the mirror and saw changes to my body it made me feel substantially better and made me want to go to work out a lot. Eventually when I got to college is when I started to see a real big change—I lost 40 lbs. and was now devoted to going. 

The Benefits of Working Out

According to Mayo Clinic Health System, “Up to 44% of college students reported having symptoms of depression and anxiety.” Exercise is a strong strategy for managing the symptoms of depression, along with many other benefits to exercising:

Regular exercise lowers the chance of developing chronic diseases including heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers.

Regular exercise helps maintain a healthy weight.

It enhances mental health by lowering anxiety and stress.

Sleep patterns, which depression can disturb, can be improved with regular exercise.

Regular exercise has been found to increase the production of endorphins, which are brain chemicals that act as natural mood enhancers.

Regular exercise can also increase energy and raise self-esteem, enhancing general well-being.

Exercise can help people shift their attention away from negative emotions and thoughts and give them a sense of success when they reach a goal. In general, frequent exercise is a crucial part of living a healthy lifestyle.

Simple Steps to Start

1. Set realistic goals. Start by setting small, achievable goals and make sure you have the tools and resources to achieve them. 

2. Find a workout friend. Having someone to exercise with can make going to the gym more enjoyable and help keep you motivated. 

3. Track your progress. Track your progress by keeping a journal or using an app to help you stay organized. This can help you stay motivated and see your progress over time. 

4. Choose activities you enjoy. If you do not enjoy the activities you're doing, you're more likely to give up. Choose activities that are enjoyable and motivating so you are more likely to stick with them. 

5. Reward yourself. Reward yourself with small treats when you reach certain goals. This can help keep you motivated and remind you of the progress you are making.

I wanted to share my personal experience about how working out has made a significant impact on my life that I could not have had if I had never started. I still have a long way to reach the goals I have set, but working out (as dumb as it might sound) made me optimistic in life and gave me something to look forward to every day. I highly recommend you just start even if you have no desire to go as you may understand why I feel like this, and many other people do too. So just start, you might as well try. If I can do it, anyone can!

-Tyler 

[suns-sword]

Sure I’ll try. The conditions you listed in the tags are fair enough (and I do like both ships anyway).

I will say that a lot of what I have to say will be from the light novels as just about every character other than yumiella and Alicia lost a lot of characterization in the manga and anime. I’ll try to keep the points and moments in chronological order for convenience .

The first moment when I felt like the ship had legs was in the Patrick intermission chapter, when we saw him grinding his level and reminiscing about his thoughts on yumiella. He takes the time and really puts in the effort to understand her. Catching himself when he thinks about her in anyway other than the reality that he has experienced. Neither idealized or villainized.  To me that is one of the first and simplistic foundations of love. It’s also the scene I think about when people call him boring. Yeah he doesn’t have any major character quirks, but he takes the time to try and understand the world and people around him. He isn’t calm because he is just chill like that, he stays calm because he wants to be dependable.

This dependable nature also comes to show that he puts in effort not just to improve himself but to actively make up for yumiella which we first see when he convinces the edwin that she is just a regular (if very strange) girl. This more or less becomes his default job to help her, and it very noticeably makes her feel less lonely to not be hated or feared for reasons she can’t really understand. Also worth noting that it’s also the only reason yumiella survives Alicia’s back stabbing event (not talking about the protection amulet since that’s just anything a concerned significant other would ask of her in that verse). His efforts were the only reason she didn’t die alone and betrayed.

Then after the demon lord fight he comforts her by telling her that he has complete faith him her to make the best choices she can when it matters. That even if she made a mistake or just plainly made the wrong choice, he will still be there, still loving her. It from bother their perspectives means so much. Yumiella because she thought she would never even gain so much as a friend, and Patrick because we know it’s not blind love (as mentioned before).

That’s the main moments from the first book, and I’ll admit it’s very sparse. The first book was defiantly more about setting up yumiella’s character than anything else in the world.

I’m the second novel we are not much better in terms of quantity, but we see even more clearly that their love isn’t just a passing phase or puppy love, that both sides are working hard to make each other happy. Both of them are facing difficulties fitting together in a more permanent setting. Patric because of self doubt and anxiety on whether he is just projecting his own feelings on her, and yumiella because of how weak to embossment she is making it near impossible to express her feelings towards him. Neither of them gives up even when they both can tell it’s not going perfectly. It might be a bit of projection on my end but the idea of someone putting in that kinda effort, not just when it’s fun or convenient is what you want most after you feel unlovable or absolutely alone for years of your life. This effort even gets to manifest in the climax in the form of Patrick covering her biggest weakness so this time everyone gets to live through the end of the book. He is strong where she is weak and weak where she is strong, when together their strength is greater than its sum.

It’s late here so I’ll leave it there. Sorry for any typing inconstancy, on Mobil and it’s hard to proof read.

i genuinely wonder if someone could EVER successfully sell me on patrieumi