#Even though I don't engage with any community enough to be affected by it it frustrates me

[terresdebrume]

It's funny: when I wrote my master's thesis on how writing fanfiction could help people learn a language, I had to explain fandom to my teacher. My first part was basically just an introduction to fandom and fandom history, and when I wrote that the advent of internet fandom led to more distance between fans and creators, my advisor thought I'd made a mistake

Surely, the internet and social media meant more proximity, right?

But unfortunately, creators (actors, writers, game developers, visual artists and everyone else) keep trying to engage with their fans in good faith only to keep being fucking smacked in the face by entitled people who don't know how to take a deep breath and stay polite / vent in private about their disappointments or opinions

Recent examples include:

The forced coming out of Kit Connor

The critical role cast distancing from the chat a LOT, before they were forced to prerecord the show

Apparently the Jayden Revri & George Rexstrew cameo thing (not sure if it's actually cancelled or no yet, haven't looked into it in detail)

This is the visible aspect of that, where it affects semi-famous artists (none of these shows are as mainstream as we make them out to be here in nerdom) but the truth is it's the same phenomenon that keeps independent queer or poc owned businesses from growing as much as they could, and it's the same phenomenon that drives fic writers and fanartists away from their passions and fandoms entirely

And the difficulty is that if you make the mistake of trying to talk about it then a certain portion of the fans/audience will come out to complain that your scolding tone is scary/rude/entitled/mean (the latter 3 adjectives I suspect of being used largely by the people who were entitled gits about art in the first place*) which means that if you try to engage with people at all it's more and more of a When rather than an If you get entitled dicks in your notifications

And it looks like the timer for that is shorter and shorter, and it's fucking frustrating to watch because you guys, this is how we get bland MCU bullshit pushed on us from every fucking quarter by the people who actually have the money and manpower not to give a shit

I don't have a solution for this, I'm just frustrated by the state of things

* And as for the people who are genuinely scared, I say this with all the love in my heart and a long history of anxiety: strangers do not have to bend over backwards and make themselves into cardboard cutouts to accommodate our issues. They just don't. It's inconvenient and sad but it's the truth and if you don't know that yet you need to learn it fast

[blu3-ja3]

!TRIGGER WARNING!

Semi Graphic depictions of violence. There are also bones being reset. Blood.

The 141 knew O'Conner was strong. Her dead lift was the second highest for the overall base, she's able to pin most soldiers with consistency using a lot of leg work. She carries significantly more equipment than most on the team with her medical supplies bag on her back most missions. Roach has the heaviest load out with the communication equipment he carries but even he struggled with her load out.

Ghost made Roach and Soap run 5 laps with Doc's full load out after both of them thought it would be funny to pretend to blow themselves up. Doc agreed to the punishment gathering enough of her gear for them to wear. The two were quick to realize that, though O'Connor's load out didn't look bulky or cumbersome, it was how and where it was placed that made it difficult to wear. Almost all of her medical supplies sat on her hips and upper thighs, that combined with her wearing the standard tactical gear (Kevlar vest and plates, radio, extra clips, side arm, knife, and flash bangs) it was a heavy load out. The two boys found it difficult to run, having their stride and gate being affected by the extra weight. So the fact that she can keep up with them without any noticeable issues was impressive. They all knew Doc was strong ,it wasn't up for debate. Its different, though, to see numbers on a paper and to see something in action.

Task Force 141 were sent on a simple reconnaissance operation, find information on a missing British general and squadron of high ranking soldiers. The building was surrounded by multiple high rise buildings that Price and Ghost made use of by setting up two vantage points with snipers. Gaz, Roach, and Soap are in the building while O'Connor was inside near their second floor exit in order to signal outside if needed, to watch for reinforcements, and to make sure the inside team got out quickly. But there was a change in plans as multiple enemies began making their way up the three flights of stairs towards her. O'Connor scrambled out and away quickly.

"Bravo 1, this is Alpha 2, we've found the intel. Downloading now ETA 5 minutes, how we looking Alpha 4?" Gaz's voice crackled over the radio into her ear piece. O'Connor was crouched in a room hidden with a knife as she waited for the soldiers chasing her to approach.

"This is Alpha 4, not good they've noticed their sleeping friends in the back. They're not happy about me taking out more either. We may have to find another exit, Bravo 2 is the planned repo compromised?" O'Connor whispered into her mic as she moved out into the hall after slitting an enemy's throat from behind.

"Negative, Alpha 4 your exit is clear but I don't know for how long so make it quick, Alpha Team." Ghost's voice rumbled through radio as O'Connor slipped into the room with the rest of her team.

"Copy, you boys ready to get out of here?" O'Connor asked, walking into the room. She wipes her knife off on her pants, placing it into her sheath, and readjusting the strap on her ACR so it is no longer on her back. They all moved towards the door and began to move through the building. They were moving quietly hoping to not get into an engagement in these tight quarters. They kept their heads on a swivel, checking corners and rooms as they passed. O'Connor was leading with Gaz and Soap in the middle and Roach bringing up the rear.

The building shook, followed by another, then another getting closer. Heat and light flashed to the left of O'Connor as she was flung to the right hitting wall, she felt all the air leaves her lungs. Debris scattering next to her. O'Connor shook her head trying to refocus her slightly blurring vision. It pained her but in the moment she needs to focus. She could hear a voice in her ear and it took her a second to register that it was Price.

-onner? Do you copy? Boys what the hell happened? Someone bloody responded?" There's a tinge of panic in the Captain's voice.

"O'Connor reporting," she looks to her left and can see Gaz moving, good. Soap and Roach were lying close to the wall seeming crumpled over. She begins moving towards the closer of the two which would be Soap.

"One moving, two unknown. Bravo what the hell happened?" She asked before reaching down to put two fingers on the scottish man's throat. She felt relief as she felt a pulse. She moved towards Roach next.

"No idea Alpha, multiple explosions from West of the building. Multiple targets moving on location rapidly, if you're there, you have to repo quickly." Price's voice was a little less tense but there's still obvious worry.

O'Connor reached Roach and sighed feeling a pulse from the jewish man as well. She began to check for obvious wounds on all three. Gaz had a head wound and probably a concussion, Soap's right arm was broken possibly from hitting the wall, and Roach had no obvious wounds which made her very nervous. Better the injuries you can see then the ones you don't.

"Gaz? Stay still I've got to check you out," Conscious first then knocked out, O'Connor begins to triage the head wound. There's lots of blood but all head wounds bleed like crazy so it's hard to know if it's anything serious.

"Doc? What happened?" Good speech, no slurring of words either, this could simply be a surface wound but best to not risk it.

"Sergeant can you stand? Tell me honestly." O'Connor finished her work before staring into the man's eyes, checking for any signs of serious problems. Gaz is definitely concussed but they probably all are with how close that explosion was.

" Yes ma'am I can" Gaz begins to stand as O'Connor moves to the other two. Checking Soaps arm she knows she's going to have to reset it.

"Sorry Suds, this is going to hurt a lot." O'Connor ran through the steps, steadied, braced, moved, and set. After she begins the steps hearing Soap goan in pain. She closed her eyes inhaled and followed through as quickly as possible without causing more damage. Soap yelled out in pain, briefly coming to consciousness before passing back out. Most likely due to pain.

"Gaz, can you shoot? You're in no position to carry either of these two but I need to know if you can at least shoot."

"I think I can, what the fuck happened Doc?"

"I don't know, kiddo, but we've gotta be ready to move quickly out toward extraction. Get into comms and figure out what Price has planned, he's got at least some idea if not him then Ghost."

"I can shoot too Captain, just don't think I can walk alone." O'Connor whipped her head down to Soap who was currently moving to sit up more, cradling his broken arm. O'Connor reaches into her a pack on her right and pulls out a large folded cloth. She helps Soap get his arm into a sling before moving towards Roach.

Rapidly she removes the heavier equipment, she checks what she can but knows she'll have to make a decision. Taking a deep breath she removes her backpack and begins to attach Roach's equipment. She moved towards Gaz's pack, attaching what she couldn't attach to her.

"Gaz come here, I'll need you to make sure Roach doesn't slip off, I'm going to have to carry him. Soap use the wall to stand if you can, I'll be your support. You two are going to only ones able to fire. Soap check your pistol, Gaz check your ACR." O'Connor barked orders moving Roach to be propped against the wall.

Gaz moves behind O'Connor and spots her while she picks Roach up into a fireman carry, one leg resting against her back the other against her chest and he straddles her shoulder. Shifting the weight to get slightly more comfortable, O'Connor moves towards Soap. He's not putting any weight on his left leg, it's possible it's broken but it's hard to tell. She moves the left side of Soap and wraps an arm around his waist lifting up his weight for better stability.

"Alright boys let's get out of here quickly, Soap open mic my walkie, I'm going to walk us through this along with Bravo so we can better coordinate."

"Yes ma'am" Soap says as O'Connor hears the click of open mic.

"Price, we're moving, Roach is MIA; unresponsive, Gaz and Soap are responsive. We'll be moving towards our previous repo position unless there's a safer route to extraction? How copy?"

"Affirmative, Doc we'll keep overwatch until you reach us and we can move towards extraction. Be aware there's possibly more explosives, be careful."

They begin to move, continuing down the hall before reaching the stair case they approached from. Soap leaned heavily against O'Connor as they moved down the stairs, moving slowly. They all freeze as multiple footsteps rush around beside them. Gaz slowly approached the slightly cracked open door. He shakes his head before motioning to continue further down.

"Ghost, can we get out through the lowest level?"

"I'll guide you through but be advised you'll be leaving towards the north. Evacuation is to the south."

"Just get us out of here we'll deal with that when we get to it."

Once down on the lowest floor, Ghost begins to guide the team. They eventually get to a set of double cellar doors, they swing open revealing two silhouettes. Gaz and Soap raise their weapons before the two familiar voices of Ghost and Price are heard. Soap is handed off for Ghost to assist as they quickly make their way towards their exit.

O'Connor checks Roach more thoroughly on the boeing finding many bruises and a dislocated shoulder. The man stirred awake minutes after exiting their cellar escape. She knows all of them are in for one hell of a night because it's highly likely they all have some form of concussion. After Roach was made comfortable, Doc moved to check Soap's leg, due to the swelling she has reason to believe his knee was tweaked and nothing was broken. Double checking Gaz to find no missed injuries thankfully.

It's then that she lets the fatigue settle in, feeling all the heavy equipment and strain from carrying Roach on her shoulders across rough terrain. She looks up as Ghost approaches her and she gives him a smile.

"Come on, someone's got to check you out ma'am. Let me help you get your equipment off." She nods slowly lifting and removing her vest and packs. She groans in pain as she takes deeper breath than normal.

"I think I cracked something when I hit that wall."

"You feel comfortable enough to remove your shirt Doc?"

O'Connor winces as she moves to lift her shirt and removes it, setting it next to her. She's left in her black compression bra. She looks down at herself but can't see the culprit of the pain. She shifts forward and turns herself so her back is easily visible. She can hear Gaz sharply inhaling.

"That bad huh?"

She feels gloved hands gently prodding her back, ribs, and shoulder. Every press causes her to hiss and gasp, her knuckles turning white as she squeezed her turtle neck. She heard Ghost grunt out a possible diagnosis before moving away.

" I think most of us will be hanging around the base until we get the all clear." Soap grumbles.

O'Connor hums an affirmative before gasping in pain while pulling her shirt back on. Making a mental note to find help cutting her bra off. Price's boots appeared in her field of view. She looks up to see he's holding his knife, giving her a knowing smile. She felt relief as the back of her shirt was lifted and she heard the ripping of fabric. She sighed in relief as the last bit of restrictive fabric was cut.

"Sorry sergeant but yes we're not leaving base anytime soon," O'Connor stated as she leaned back and cringed at the instant pain. She felt her body succumbing to exhaustion

"Oi Maevis, come on tell me about the tattoo you want MacTavish to draw for you, ya?" O'Connor's eyes flew open looking towards Price, she nodded and began to talk. Knowing that Price was trying to keep her awake.

Ghost and Price kept concussion watch until they landed back at base; Echo Point: Bastion. They guide the members into medical, before going back and grabbing everyone's gear and taking it to their respective quarters.

Everyone sat together in briefing after getting wrapped up and given a go ahead. Laswell was happy to hear about the information they'd recover and Price told everyone they're on temporary leave.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

Intense Subtext in Front of Oblivious Side Characters: "I had no wife in the year six"

There's a thing, I guess it would be considered a trope, that is one of my favorite such things in any form of media but especially any sort of romance-centered story. I don't know of an existing term for this and I'm terrible at being concise so I'm not sure how I could put it briefly. Basically, it's the thing that happens when a larger interaction is happening with a group of people but there's a subtext to it that means something very different--and generally, much more meaningful--to the central characters. You could call it something like Intense Subtext in Front of Oblivious Side Characters.

I've been thinking for a while about possible parallels between BLs and Jane Austen novels and/or adaptations. This is my attempt at taking a small, specific example of a parallel I sometimes notice and talking about it. Austen's novels do a lot of this trope I mentioned. That's in part because of choices Austen made in what she wanted to write about. But it's also because of the social context of her time. There was a lot going on that people couldn't be explicit about, for a variety of reasons. I think one reason why I see similar things happening in some BLs--and maybe one reason for the appeal of certain types of BLs--is the fact that being queer in a homophobic society makes openness complicated in a way that doesn't come up as much for hetero relationships these days. Especially when we get into things like office romances, in which appearances have higher stakes. These complications around openness have a kind of similarity to the reasons Austen's characters had to play a lot of things close to the chest.

Fellow Old Fashion Cupcake fans will remember an example from that series that I think really fits here. Nozue and Togawa agree to attend a goukon, or "mixer" as it's sometimes translated--basically a group hangout intended to help men and women meet for the purpose of finding people to date. Nozue is hitting it off with a cute younger woman, which is bad enough. But then he mentions his "anti-aging" efforts, and because of the mysterious way he words it, the woman asks, "Does that mean you're in love?" which of course catches Togawa's attention even more. He's clearly affected when Nozue answers, "If I were, I wouldn't be here."

@jdramastuff did a great screenshot post of this scene if you want to see what this looked like.

After Nozue's comment, Togawa starts knocking back alcoholic drinks like it's going out of style, ensuring that Nozue will have to help him home instead of going home with the woman who's been flirting with him.

(You could argue that this isn't so much a case of subtext as it is the significance one person assigns to what another is saying. Subtext really requires some degree of communication between more than one person. But while Nozue doesn't fully grasp what's going on, I think he does understand in some ways what he's communicating. I don't want to go on too much of a tangent, so I'll just say that having just read the manga the series was based on, it strengthened my belief that while Nozue is repressed, insecure, even deluded at times, he has glimmers of awareness of his feelings for Togawa and even suspicions of Togawa's feelings for him, and on some level he knows what he's saying, though I don't think he knows in this moment how much these words will hurt Togawa.)

I have another favorite example of this, a scene from Persuasion. It's rendered really well in the 1995 adaptation of the novel with Ciaran Hinds and Amanda Root. (The whole thing is phenomenal, by the way--I think it's the best Austen adaptation ever made, personally.)

A bit of background for anyone not familiar with the story: Anne Elliott was engaged to Captain Frederick Wentworth in 1806 but was convinced by Lady Russell, her neighbor/family friend and a kind of surrogate mother to her following her mom's death, to break off the engagement. She has regretted it ever since. Wentworth was deeply hurt and angry when she broke things off, not surprisingly.

More than eight years later, Anne is visiting her sister and her sister's in-laws, the Musgroves, when Wentworth comes to the area and starts spending a lot of time at the Musgrove place (and with the Musgroves' eligible young daughters). Wentworth acknowledges Anne, but just barely, while paying enough attention to both the Musgrove girls that everyone is gossiping about which one he's going to marry. Anne's sister Mary was away at boarding school when her previous relationship with Wentworth happened, so neither Mary nor the Musgroves are aware Anne and Wentworth were involved and think they were only acquaintances.

At a dinner party, the Musgrove girls try to look up the ship that Wentworth first commanded, the Asp, in the Navy List, a book that chronicles the various ships in the British Navy, their commanders, and so forth. Wentworth tells them not to bother--"she" is not in the current version of the List because "she" no longer exists.

Louisa and Henrietta Musgrove are suitably horrified.

Admiral Croft, Wentworth's brother-in-law and superior in the Navy, remarks that Wentworth was lucky to get a command so early in his career at all, no matter how seaworthy (or un-seaworthy) the ship was.

(Remember, 1806 was the year that Anne and Wentworth became engaged and then un-engaged.)

Gut-wrenching. And nobody else sitting at that table has any idea what just happened. I love it.

I have some more thoughts about this languishing in an excessively long post in my drafts, which I'll try to get out one of these days. I know I've talked to a few people about trying to do some BL/Austen posts and had meant to tag them but the only person I remember talking with about it was @absolutebl. If you're reading this and you want a heads up next time I write about this stuff, let me know!

[aropride]

trying to draw lines of who's queer and who's not is unhelpful and a waste of time and i find it's an impossible task to categorize something as uncategorizable as attraction and identity. i've started thinking of it as more of a sociopolitical label as well as an identity label, and in my opinion that's a lot more useful than sitting around trying to decide if a guy who's only ever been attracted to women and ryan reynolds counts as queer or not. because i feel like if, for instance, a straight cis man who does drag and regularly engages in trans activism and sits down with his state senator to discuss making trans sanctuary laws or whatever. wants to identify as queer. i don't really care? i don't think that affects anyone negatively. i think if someone's involved in queer activism and the queer community and they want to use the word queer for themselves i think that's fine and i think it's not any of my business.

also there's this tendency, especially online, for people to go "well what if an allocishet person uses the word queer for themself even though they arent!" and that doesn't feel like a helpful thing to worry about because like.. what if? who is really getting hurt if a gender nonconforming cishet person identifies as queer? or a woman with two husbands? i saw a post along the lines of "we've got straight girls calling themselves fagdykes this is why inclusionism is bad" and i mean. first of all i genuinely just do not believe that. i don't think there are cishet women calling themselves fagdykes. i don't think people who wouldn't be considered queer by cishet society are often proudly declaring themselves part of the queer community in general. people don't paint targets on their backs for fun. i think it's much more likely that the person they were mad at was nonbinary or bi or otherwise queer. but even if they were, like. if for some reason a completely cis completely straight woman wanted to reclaim slurs for herself, she probably has a reason for that. and it's not really our business anyway.

and i think if someone actually is "only identifying as queer to infiltrate queer spaces and cause discord and hurt people," i think that's a them problem, not a "person who uses labels i don't fully get" problem. and i don't think that happens often except for possibly in discord servers, and i think that's generally called "lying" and "being an asshole."

whenever i see stuff trying to draw a line on who's queer and who's not, whether this person can say fag or not, whether it's okay for this person to use they/them pronouns or not, whatever. "are polyamorous people queer?" "can a cis guy use they/them pronouns?" i think of ace/aro exclusionism and bi exclusionism and nonbinary exclusionism. because the arguments sound the same. something about not being "oppressed enough," about "stealing resources" (what resources?), about "well these ones are okay but those ones aren't," about fakers, about people reclaiming slurs they can't use, about how they're "making us look bad," how they're "not queer enough," whatever. and i think it's petty and useless and pretty stupid when we're in the face of a rise in violent transphobia to focus on that instead of actual problems.

i had a friend in high school who talked about how she doesn't understand sexuality and gender and gender roles because she's autistic. she was a lot like me in that we'd both pick at strict definitions of things like "queer" or "trans" and find exceptions to common strict definitions until they fell apart entirely. and she identified with just her name, not trans, not nonbinary, not cis either. not bi or pan or ace or aro or anything else, and not straight. just herself. and she was fully accepting of me and other queer people in our life and was involved in queer activism and was actively deradicalizing her mom from radfem ideology. i don't know if she identified as queer then or if she does now, but if she did/does, i don't see why she shouldn't. i don't think it'd be my place to tell her not to.

i don't know. i just think if someone wants to consider themself queer it's not my business why. because they probably have a good reason. and i think trying to define something like queerness is an impossible task, and i think there's better things to do. it's not hurting anyone for someone you or i see as allocishet to identify as queer for whatever reason. sometimes you don't have to understand the intricacies of someone's identity and life story and why they use certain words for themselves.

[sophieinwonderland]

Speaking of how people refuse to engage with "traumagenic" as an umbrella term, it repeatedly baffles me whenever I try to start conversations on the ways different traumas can affect a system, or just coin terms for specific traumagenic origins because our system finds them useful, and I'll get pushback from both pro-endos and anti-endos alike. Like, excuse me? I'm trying to have a productive discussion on trauma and healing here. Why are you so afraid to acknowledge that trauma can be diverse and more specific resources may be needed sometimes? My headmates who came from the trauma of a lack of accomodations for our disabilities have a very different relationship with our plurality and trauma than my headmates who came from not being believed about our pain or my headmates who came from being bullied or my headmates who came from financial stress. All of it is trauma, but it's not all the same, and each of us needs different things. Different resources, different methods of recovery, different words for what we went through. And it's a core part of our recovery that we need to balance all these different traumas and origins; if we just went about some sort of "one size fits all" treatment (which it feels like people expect us to go through), we'd end up in a much worse situation than if we carefully unraveled each trauma as its own thing.

I think it has to do with all the expectations around trauma that can be seen in DID spaces, especially when it comes to what trauma can cause a system to form. There's still ideas floating around over there that only specific physical and sexual abuse is "bad enough" to cause DID, and there are lots of posts that act as though everyone with DID went through the same exact traumas, eg. I remember seeing a fair amount of "this is what DID is really like" memes that include sexual abuse as if everyone with DID has suffered from it. And because it's expected that we all went through the same things and have the same process of recovery, well, there's no need to elaborate any more on our origins, right? Just say "traumagenic" and everyone has a specific picture in their mind of what you went through. It never occurs to them that being more specific might be necessary or at least helpful (even when they claim that just about anything can be trauma – which, yeah, maybe just about anything could be, but if that's so, why are you against people coining terms to find others who have gone through their niche traumas, so they can trade stories and tips on how to get better?). Add that to the claim that other forms of trauma or abuse aren't "bad enough" to cause DID, and, well... Any effect other traumas may have on a system, even if they're not considered part of that system's origin, get brushed off to the side or only vaguely acknowledged. It's better than how it used to be, but I still see this subtle attitude here and there.

I feel like I'm rambling at this point but as one specific example, we have headmates who specifically help us with eating enough, because our trauma involves food issues and a possible eating disorder. Despite these headmates likely qualifying as traumagenic or at least caregivers to traumagenic headmates, there's not much room for them in the traumagenic community, and I've seen lots of backlash for specific terms for them because... idk, I guess some people don't want to acknowledge that eating disorders or general food issues can be traumatic enough to cause systems or new headmates. Or they think any mention of such things, even in spaces specifically meant to discuss trauma, means we're "glorifying" the shit we went/go through. It's frustrating. I just want tips from other systems on how to help these kids eat more when our amnesia means I don't know why we dissociate at family dinners or what foods are safe to eat. Calling ourselves just "traumagenic" isn't going to connect us with the systems who can help with that (and before anyone says anything, neither is just going into spaces for food issues – most of the people there are singlets who don't have any idea what to do about our situation!).

.

[reborrowing]

I've seen other folks make a reference post to how borrowers work in their fiction so here's some random worldbuilding I've done with mine

There's not one universal culture, this varies by community, which can be as small as an individual family or be spread throughout a neighborhood. Communities tend to ally through loose trade networks that at least share a language, if not cultural norms.

The distinction between borrowing and theft is rooted in the idea of taking from surplus/excess. Finer nuances vary by community, but the concept is true whether taking from humans or from each other. There's usually an implication of reciprocity, that you would surrender your excess if someone else has use for it.

I'm a little wishy-washy for the actual size range, but my named ocs range from 3.5" (Kiwi) to 4.3" (Ben).

Senses differ from their human counterparts. They have a wider range of hearing, more sensitive sense of smell, weaker distance vision (but stronger night vision), and lack the degree of tactile sensitivity found in human fingers (which is why they don't have fingerprints, definitely not just because I wanted another reason for Hand Awe)

Most borrowers are colorblind. It's not unheard of to have the red-green distinction, but it's unusual enough that a lot of communities have superstitions around those who do, ranging from "psychic in a blessed way" to "probably gives good advice sometimes" to "probably can see ghosts" to "psychic in a cursed way"

An almost forgotten biological feat by modern indoor borrowers, they go into torpor when the temperature drops too low. Outdoor dwellers are well aware of this fact and factor it into their survival strategies—a frigid but hidden shelter is more appealing than somewhere warm but with a high risk of exposure, even if the latter is more comfortable. (Though of course, hidden and warm is ideal)

Borrowers have long, relatively dexterous toes that can aid in climbing, especially when un-shoed. It tends to be an individual choice to prefer the warmth and protection of full shoes or the dexterity of bare feet/foot wraps. (Everyone is clumsy and uncomfortable when forced to change their footwear habits)

Prolonged eye contact is an intimate gesture, something only to engage in with close friends, family, or lovers and often only when expressing or listening to someone express deep emotion. Lingering eye contact outside that context of closeness is seen as invasive or aggressive and definitely rude

Nipping is a common gesture of affection and excitement, lingering from childhood play instincts and almost never translates quite right across species

Coincidentally, baby teeth canines are significantly duller than the adult fangs that replace them.

Adult fur pattern varies, but typically covers at least the lower half of each limb. Fur along the back and outer sides of the upper limbs is very common. Chest and facial hair is less common, but evenly likely across the two sexes.

Young children, however, are fuzzy all over.

Borrowers require more sleep than humans do, with a healthy individual hitting at least 8-10 hours in a 24 hour period, but not all at once. Most keep biphasic or polyphasic schedules. Winter torpor is the only time long sleep periods are "normal"

There's no strong biological preference for being nocturnal or diurnal, instead people tend to follow whatever schedule they were raised on.

Yelling and screaming are considered inappropriate, animalistic behaviors. It would be like literally growling at someone. Strong anger is expressed through hissing, pain and fear are expressed through squeals and chittering. (And body language, naturally)

Tails are semi-prehensile and used for balance and body language communication. They're technically dexterous enough to wrap around and grab things, but the limb is pretty weak and injures easily when made to pull any weight. Like with rodents, tails are prone to degloving if pulled. Long tails are seen as an attractive feature because they're easy to deform or lose, so keeping a long one intact suggests someone is capable of avoiding danger altogether.

Purr purr purr, like cats, borrowers purr to express joy or as an attempt to self-soothe. In most communities, it's seen as kind of childish in public but still encouraged and enjoyed during positive physical interactions. Someone who purrs in their sleep is often seen as blessed by [insert community's higher power here]

[sumire-no-nikki]

Grow Into

It has been a rainy week over here. Only 8 days into February and I feel like I’ve lived four lives already. It has been awfully busy. I’m doing a million things and planning on doing even more. I’m not complaining though. I feel very present and engaged with every project I’m working on. It has been a very productive year so far.

I’m here in my study, lounging on my reading chair and sipping coffee (inexplicably at almost 19:00! don't worry it's decaf!). I feel enveloped by the silence as I reflect on the past couple of days that have been quiet on my end. It’s not out of sadness or anything painful like that. There are just periods of time when I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I've always been this way, I think. My inner world just feels so much more enticing that it doesn’t feel necessary to venture out. I’m thankful that my friends and loved ones understand this. I suppose an extrovert might read this and think, oh how pitiful. But there’s nothing sad about it. I feel very nourished swimming in the lake of my own mind. There’s never anything to explain or justify, and I feel thoroughly fulfilled going about my days and getting things done this way.

At any rate I think I’m coming out of it now. I feel like my internal gauge is reading “ready to socialize again” so I’m crawling out of my personal wonderland to say hello.

I will say that something rather shocking happened to me recently. Shocking, sad in a way, but ultimately triumphant.

To make a long story short, I found out that someone had wronged me, for the millionth time, despite all the reassurances and chances in the world. It was something juvenile enough on its own. And it wasn’t the act itself that was upsetting to me, but the intention and effort to lie about it. This person hurt me with the attempt to misrepresent facts, and in doing so has communicated to me that they don’t think I’m important or worthy of consideration. When it mattered, they would choose to run me over. With every “I’m sorry” and every “I forgive you,” my affection for this person is diluted.

In the past, I took incidents like this very personally. When I wasn’t chosen by a friend group, it was some sort of judgment against me. When my mother compared me to other girls, it was an indication of my shortcomings. I always felt alone. Everyone else had an ally while I was left to starve for someone to fight my corner, to acknowledge my worth and defend it. I saw another person’s inability to value me as my personal responsibility. I thought I had to work hard to earn someone’s attention and investment. And because this is inevitably a fool’s errand, the result was always the same. I renewed my self hatred with every disappointment. I was sure there was something inherently unlovable about me.

But in the moment in which the truth hesitantly came out from this person, I saw very clearly that I had nothing to do with it. That while it was hurtful to me, while it was a blatant disregard of my own wellbeing, there was nothing I could have done to prevent this. No amount of loving harder, understanding better, or caring deeper would have changed the situation. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the other person.

While the conversation was unfolding, I was struck by the growth I noticed in myself. I have myself. I am my greatest ally. Yes, this person hurt me, but it doesn’t matter in the end. I will not be consumed by someone else’s failings. These were the thoughts I had, and I haven’t felt this proud of myself in a long time.

I don’t need their consideration if it’s not something they can provide. You wouldn’t go to the desert for snow after all. And that’s not a judgement against them. They are who they are. They can only be who they are. They make their choices. We’re just all different. And I’m at peace with that because I have all that I need right here. I have me.

I saw myself in that moment, reading someone’s apologies for something they’ve shown to not have any intention of changing or correcting, and felt such possessiveness over my heart and mind. I saw the woman I am and thought, you’re mine. You’re mine and I will take care of you. I smiled even after that shocking confrontation—all the unpleasantness just slid off my back. I held myself. The love I had been looking for all my life was right there. I was enough.

Perhaps this is very elementary to some people. But it meant a lot to hear it come from me. Not as an advice, not from a therapist, not from a self help book. It came from me because I wanted to tell myself that I love the girl I was, the woman I am and will be after all.

I was listening to a political podcast last week and the host brought up the fact that strong people are not those who can maintain an extended period of stability, but those who can go through all manner of changes. There’s a focus on making sure we don’t disrupt our lives as much as possible. We enter adulthood seeking a city to claim as ours, a career to specialize in, a partner to settle down with. A divergence from that path is widely considered as a bad thing, or worse, a failure. But I’m more convinced now than ever that if things don’t go well for me, I’ll be just fine anyway. I’m not worried anymore. I’m shedding the years of anxiety and control, and I’m giving way to a version of myself that’s even more liberated, resilient. I am growing into strength. I will keep on going no matter what. It’s in my nature.

Anyway, here are two books I’ve started reading recently. Water by John Boyle which is a book I bought last year while I was in Bath, and the other one is Nobody, Somebody, Anybody by Kelly McClorey. Both books are on my 24 books for 2024. I realized I hadn’t read one book from the list in January as I was feeling rather spontaneous then, so I’ve got to catch up with the list this month. I also plan to reread The Searcher by Tana French at the end of the month because the sequel novel is coming out first week of March and I want to be prepared. As a Tana French-stan (as the young ones say these days—how do you do fellow kids? lol) I cannot tell you just how excited I am for this new book. I’ve pre-ordered a signed copy and I am shaking with anticipation just typing this. Tana French novels represent a very specific feeling and time in my life, so I always welcome the opportunity to jump back into her written world. This is funny, now that I think about it, because her books are actually pretty damn bleak. Oh well!

Reading has been going in a somewhat slower pace, in comparison to how it was in the last quarter of last year. I’m fine with it so long as I’m on track to complete my annual goal. I do wish I would have more time to just devour more books though. Someone on Reddit calculated how many books they have left to read if they live up to a certain age and read a certain amount of books annually. That mildly alarmed me. I obviously have a handful of decades ahead of me (if everything goes well lol) but to have a concrete number of books you’ve got left to read in your lifetime is such an existential experience. But it’s a bit silly too, honestly, because all sorts of things could happen. You could die tomorrow, you could live longer than expected. You just never know.

Here’s a recent addition to the vinyl collection. It’s the deluxe edition of Billie Marten’s first album on colored vinyl. I have a copy of the first pressing from 2016, and I will say the main differences here is that the first pressing came in a nice sturdy textured cardboard gatefold, and the booklet has more pages and artwork. The packaging just feels more luxurious. It’s on a standard black vinyl and it sounds just fine. The repress on the other hand is an MOV pressing, which means it’s digitally mastered and not by the original label. The audio quality is very clean though, and it comes with deluxe edition tracks. It’s also numbered and limited to only 1000 copies. I plugged in my headphones into the receiver the other day to do an up close listening and it was a delight to listen to. It was like being in an amphitheater. I’m so happy to have this in my collection, relieved I snagged one before the scalpers hoard all the copies and start selling it for $300 a piece lmao. (Ah, vinyl collecting is just god awful nowadays… but that’s a topic for another day.)

Alright, that’s all for now. Here’s a Faye Webster song I’ve been revisiting a lot lately. It makes me want to be in silky pjs and walk around my house with a cup of coffee whenever I listen to this song. It feels like gentle morning sunshine, don’t you think?

I’m going to read now until my eyelids can’t stay open. I’m very cosy here. I hope you’re also keeping cosy wherever you are!

Toodeloo!

[jen-with-a-pen]

If people aren't comfortable reblogging fics to their blog (which I am not, due to a personal history of being doxxed and humiliated to my irl friends and family), are comments sufficient enough engagement or would you rather that reader not engage with your work at all?

I feel like that came out sounding passive aggressive but I truly mean it as a genuine question and am just not sure how to rework it to sound less snarky! I see this discourse on and off from different fic writers and respect both opinions and think everyone should be able to curate interaction with their fics as they see fit.

Hi, anon.

I've been thinking carefully on how to respond to this. I can tell you're not trying to come off as snarky– which i say as someone who can't read tone for shit most of the time and whose own tone can come off aggressive or bitchy when I don't mean it to be.

I'm gonna address your ask as thoroughly as I can, if that's cool. Sorry if it's a long response. I'll put a cut in so I don't interrupt feeds ✂️

First, I want to pose a question to your question, which I mean genuinely with no spite whatsoever: why are you on Tumblr if you're not reblogging or don't even reblog?

As I've stated in other replies to the post I made a few weeks back, from the way I see it, Tumblr is literally built upon the foundation of sharing creations and content. There is no dead-set algorithm here like there is for Instagram or TikTok. Sharing is, quite fucking literally, caring here. We are able to form communities of all sizes because we share things. Reblogging is essential to the upkeep, and quite frankly the existence, of fandom and communities. Without sharing, our communities crumble and become ruins. We are actively seeing this as we speak: many mutuals and authors I follow are starting to quit writing due to passive, demanding consumption patterns and 0 engagement.

I know you probably know this, but I thought I'd restate it for answer's sake.

To answer the meat of your ask, I will pull from both personal experience and mutuals' experiences and input.

In my own personal opinion, if you are solely commenting on fics and are not engaging in anything else (no likes, no reblogs, etc.) then I personally think that Tumblr is not the site you should be on and, frankly, you should go sign up for AO3 if that's all you're going to do.

And I mean this earnestly. If all you want to do for engagement is commenting, then AO3 needs you because sharing does NOT affect authors nearly as much over there as it does here. In fact comments on AO3 are the literal equivalent to reblog on Tumblr: we don't get any and when we do it's like finding an oasis in a never ending desert.

Now in terms of what mutuals and other authors have said on the matter, it seems the consensus is that commenting without reblogging is a case-by-case basis. I'm going to quote a mutual of mine here:

"...if someone is commenting on my work but not reblogging… I'd say it's case by case. If it's just MY fics they aren’t reblogging, then it'd be a problem, but if they don’t reblog ANY [fics] I'd be more okay."

Another mutuals also put it this way:

"... I feel like there *is* both sides in this sense; yes comments are nice and engaging even though they aren't the preferred and most helpful way to boost writers..."

I feel like both of them put it into words where I struggled to. I will also say that I do agree with the point being that if you're not gonna reblog ANYTHING– no art, no content, no photos, no other fics, nothing– AND your profile adheres to the guidelines set forth in basic Tumblr etiquette (not looking like a bot and not a minor) then sure, comment away.

The verdict, in summary with my opinion and mutuals': it depends on your behavior and your interactions with other works and content.

I hate the word content but I couldn't think of another one.

But, my question still stands: why are you on Tumblr when you don't even participate in the basic fundamental function of this site?

I also wanted to take the time to address the other part of your ask regarding the doxxing and people finding out your identity.

It has been very widely known for (close to) two decades now that Tumblr is the place where you can have an anonymous identity. Truly. I've been on here for the collective half of the last decade and have been on the Internet for a little more than half my life, now, and Tumblr and fandom are literally the biggest and best places where you can be someone else. You can be completely anonymous.

The common denominator, however, is you.

The amount of information you have on your blog is what you choose to put on it. If you state your real name, your state and city, have one of those (imo stupid) carrd things or whatever, then honey– and I mean this in the nicest way possible, truly– that is on you. I know for a fact (from good and bad experiences) that you have all of the power in the world to annonymize yourself while still maintaining yourself on the Internet. That make sense?

A couple of mutuals made very excellent points regarding this:

"...I have a best friend irl who has Tumblr and is so close to the fandoms I'm in, and she doesn't know I write here. I am anonymous on here. I'm suprised she hasnt connected the dots because my aesthetics are the same in real life..."

"...I personally think its pretty easy to be anonymous on tumblr. Especially since usually all we ask is you have that you aren’t a minor at the top of your blog..."

"...it's really easy to be anonymous on the internet [...] you can be an ENTIRELY different person on the internet..."

From that last mutual, I'll paraphrase and go off of another point they made: the fact that you do want to participate and comment negates your ENTIRE arguement because someone– anyone– can find you and your blog through said comment(s).

Your digital footprint is what you leave behind. So if you have your city and state and grade and real name and all this other shit in your blog or carrd or whatever, then you are the only one who is responsible for having put said information out there.

Hell, I've been mutuals with some people going on 2-3 YEARS at this point and the only other things they know about me is my state, general city vicinity, my cat, and what I do for a living. That's it. And we span from early twenties to married with a kid or two.

We are in charge of what we share and I implore you– as someone with a certification in legal information technology– to please educate yourself on your Internet privacy and digital footprint. Please take the time to think about your actions and the information you have online. I STILL do this to this day, even after getting certified and being on the Internet for half my life.

I am sorry that you've gotten doxxed in the past. Truly, I am. It's a horrible act and I hope you never have to experience that again. Please know I am not being dismissive of that nor trying to blame you for said acts.

But it all comes down to you at the end of the day. In general, it's you, your actions, and the consequences of your actions. And if you happen to be a minor, then I strongly urge you to rethink your decisions and maybe step away from social media and utilize critical thinking in order to asses your situation and who you surround yourself with, both online and offline. I wish I had someone to tell me that when I was 14– fuck, even when I was 18.

And I mean it when I say AO3 might suit you more than Tumblr. If any fandom site has more capabilities to be anonymous than Tumblr itself, it's AO3.

Anyways, I think that's all I have to say for you. My DMs and ask box are always open and I am open to more commentary on the matter and related ones so long as it is civil and respectful. I refuse to stop having this conversation.

Thank you for listening ❤️

[creature-wizard]

Here's a perspective that I believe hasn't been offered by any other anons that you got. Or at least, I couldn't find, even though I was reading your blog for hours at this point. It's really engaging!

Law of assumption, Neville Goddard's ideas, and to a little bit greater extent Edward Art (the latter goes more into concepts and ideas I look for in spirituality, so I preferred reading/listening to him than Neville) have provided me with genuine, complex, eye opening and enriching spiritual experience and, whether you want to believe it or not, actual results that I have not expected.

That being said, I'm really glad that you are addressing all these issues within the community and aren't afraid to criticize aspects that need to be talked about, -- like really obvious red flags that Neville definitely pulled some stuff out of his ass, or the fact that most of these manifesting gurus are probably... just lying about things and aren't free from criticism,-- or in some cases, directly called out, like literal spiritual abuse that is rampant at this point. (Yes, loa practitioner lurking the blog and seeing this anon message of mine; I'm talking about you guilt tripping people, especially children, who are already desperate enough, telling them they have manifested fucking wars, diseases, or severe abuse they go through. Shame on you.)

I don't engage with loa community specifically for these reasons, despite that I think there is some grain of truth in ideas, and I'm saying this as someone who has been interested in spirituality my whole life, and I'm coming from my experience with other beliefs, belief systems, and religions that I looked into. This is a separate philosophical topic on its own, and I'll probably end up writing a whole a book here if I keep going, so I'll just say instead that personally for me, I found several aspects of loa to be similar to various therapeutic techniques I implement for my CPTSD. To think about it, I find it kind of ironic, because I wouldn't recommend loa to traumatized people, especially ones that still go through shit.

Anyway, I just really wanted to say thank you, and yeah, keep posting in the tag! Like you yourself answered to some other anon, by their logic they're manifesting your posts into reality, so it's on them, lmfao.

It's kind of funny to watch though. Being true to your beliefs implies not being affected by opinions of other people and being unafraid to possible criticism of your position. So, not even in the context of loa but spirituality as a whole, them being offended is most likely a projection, where they realize they have been bullshitting themselves this whole time.

I also fully agree with your observation that a lot of these people are mean girl wannabees. In my case, I managed to experience a deeper connection to the world and people around me, but as for your average loa poster on tumblr dot com, they seem to be more egocentric and detached from others than even some random Christian online. It's really gross.

This is definitely an interesting perspective, and if you managed to turn this stuff into a beneficial practice, then more power to you! I'm pretty much all for people trying things as long as they're informed, respectful, and sensible about it.

[heich0e]

I am consumed by thoughts about the bff!osamu series.

I guess all of this could be chalked up to fear, denial and lack of self awareness, but if the line between friendship and something more was so clear to reader, so important to her, why didn't she communicate that to him before?

Something along the lines of "you are my best friend and life companion. I can't imagine living without you, but it can never be romantic or sexual."

But, you know, in a way an actual human would speak, lol.

I'm sure this will be resolved in future parts, but I am fixated.

As always, your writing is incredible. So immersive and flows so well. Thank you for all of the work and care you put into what you do 🥹

GOD I LOVE ASKS LIKE THIS BC I GET TO KIND OF DISSECT MY OWN WRITING i apologize if this gets long-winded <3

without giving away too much of what's yet to unfold, i think there's something to be said (and it's even briefly touched on in part 9) about unspoken understandings. there are lots of things in ANY sort of relationship, though not explicitly ever said, that are sort of inferred or even just expected to be understood by both parties. i think this is where a lot of misunderstandings arise in relationships, but it's particularly devastating in this case because reader and osamu's is one that is based largely on just sort of KNOWING what the other is thinking. all of which is to say that reader didn't think there was any reason that she would ever have to say something like that to him, because WHY wouldn't he just automatically assume it (not totally fair of her to think, but sometimes ppl make mistakes! to err is human, etc.)

just like with atsumu, osamu doesn't hide much (if anything) from reader, beyond this one instance. i think it would be reasonable for anyone to feel like they were kind of lied to in this situation, but especially if reader doesn't reciprocate osamu's romantic affection--because wouldn't that give her grounds to sort of question the entire foundation that their DECADES LONG relationship is built on? something that, up until this point, has been so cardinal to her life that she has never once had to question the validity of.

as for WHY she's so mad, again, I don't want to give too much away. but i think that even without any other mitigating factors, just that sense of having the rug pulled out from under you would be enough to justify a fairly harsh reaction--but fear, denial, and a sort of almost embarrassment at not recognizing it sooner, like you mentioned, could all reasonably come into play too.

thank you so SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH for reading--this story means a lot to me, and seeing you engage with it beyond just a kind of surface-level enjoyment is so incredibly meaningful as the person who's writing it :') i hope u can stick it out to the end!! SQUISHIN U SQUEEZIN U LOVIN U ETC xoxoxo

[most-definitively-a-human]

Oh dear. It seems I may have made yet another character autistic without realising. We've got three now. (Most likely.) Yay!

I'm happy her experiences are different enough to mine that I'll still have fun. (I get bored when characters are too similar to me)

I'm seeking out the input of people who aren't as negatively affected by autism as I am to get a clear view of things. I'm disabled to the point where I can't drive or work by it, have a caregiver, and don't relate much to much of the autistic representation I see. My experiences with autism are predominately sensory, motor, and with executive function, but I don't struggle to make friends and Lumin's are mainly social and about routine, I think that's why I didn't notice for so long. In many ways we're complete opposites.

My experiences are a skewed and incomplete perspective of what the spectrum is, and something I'd like to rectify/add onto.

About Lumin

Lumin despises interruptions, experiences outbursts of rage whenever interupted, and follows a strict schedule (mainly due to being a workaholic but she does find it soothing). She prefers to do things together than talk most of the time (like sparring), has to excercise to deal with a ceaseless and restless energy, and doesn't understand people different to herself and assumes everyone is similarly oppurtunistic.

She communicates in a blunt, direct manner, with occasional vivid metaphor. She despises looping floral speech, abhors small talk and beaureocracy, and doesn't understand how to interact with others outside of intimidation or power plays as that was all she was taught.

Other people's emotions and sentimentality baffle her, and she's annoyed by their outbursts. She sometimes attempts to soothe people by saying things like "you have nothing to cry about" and "it could be worse" with genuine kind intent. She wishes she could find people who aren't so easily upset.

As a doctor, she is baffled by people who say she has a bad bedside manner. Why are they angry at her for failing to interrupt her duty to engage in pleasantries? Do they want her to be slow and incompetent? If you want pleasantries go elsewhere. You have a broken arm. Why isn't that your priority?

She couldn't bear working as a soldier since she hated being ordered about and 'being in the prescence of so many unambitious idiots' (I think she might also be overwhelmed by all the people but too proud to admit it) (she also hates turning her hobby into a job) (sparring is the one thing in her life that wasn't graded and she wants to keep it that way)

When she meets Asran (a small child of eight years) she decides to entertain him by reading out loud medical textbooks. This works. She does not have any other ideas for methods of entertainment other than "put him in a garden and ignore him" or "give him non sharp medical tools to fiddle with"

Most people dislike her, and she gave up on trying to be friendly long ago. She tries to seem as intimidating and unpleasant as possible because if she can't be loved, at least she can be feared.

She also has a strict moral code and is relentlessly adherent to authority figures she admires. She thinks it is sacriledge to question them.

Typing this out, it seems the main reason I didn't realise it is because she doesn't need a carer like me. She seems pretty obvious now that I type everything up.

I do have another few points of difficulty though.

Reasons why I'm uncertain

-Her inability to empathise is more due to her experiencing severe trauma and also being a jerk. She could understand others if she tried. She just doesn't want to because a) she has work to do and b) to her people are all the same anyway. No point in analysing them when the only important thing is ascertaining whether or not they're useful or a threat. (She would still have a naturally blunt style of communication without trauma - might be even blunter) (And would still be fixated on medical knowledge to the detriment of everything else.)

-She's an alien mermaid with a different set of instincts. She has a heightened prey drive and heightened instincts. Due to her species this explains much of the autism like symptoms, like the sensory seeking behaviour and love of schedule. In short, she wouldn't qualify for a diagnosis without being an alien so I'm not quite sure if she counts.

Personally I think her experiences will be very relatable to many autistic people, but I'm not quite sure yet due to the alien mermaid thing.

I want to make sure I'm describing her accurately. I'm not interested in changing her to be more in line with the diagnostic criteria - she's her own person and close to being fully developed as a character at this point. If she's subclinical that's great because people on the border between neurotypical and autistic get someone to relate to, and if she isn't that's also great. Either way she'll resonate with people, and that I'm content with

I just want to know how best to describe her and make no false promises. (Don't want to say she's autistic rep when she might just a more relatable than average ornery fish lady)

[readingrobin]

This month started off at a real drag and didn't really kick up until probably the near end of it. Looks like I read about maybe 800 pages more than last month, yet still covered the same amount of books. I'm gonna chalk that up to the good amount of DNFs I had for this month. It's a downer when that happens, but hey it's going to happen. I will say that I'm glad I ended this month on a high note with a book I really enjoyed that I've been meaning to get around to for a while.

Total Books Read: 6

Total Pages Read: 2,965

Total DNFs: 4

Books Read:

Bloodmarked by Tracy Deonn (4.75/5) - The only downside of the book is a somewhat rushed climax, which was an issue I had with Legendborn as well but, other than that....Oh my god, Bloodmarked took everything Legendborn did and took it to another level. Dynamics get more complex, institutions that were sketchy become full on villainous, and, in the end, Bree takes on such a risky, yet understandable move that I'm eagerly waiting to see the fallout of. Deonn expands upon the themes of generational trauma and grief, concentrating on, now that Bree can recognize these things in her own history, how does that affect her personally? How does she, as an individual, relate to all these expectations and duties brought onto her by her ancestors? Bree's reflection on these ties continue to make her such an engaging, powerful character I love to watch develop. We see new sides of the Rootcrafter community, and I gotta say, I love the new character Valec. I may be a bit biased since I love charismatic infernal dealmakers, but I hope we see more from him as well. As much as I loathe love triangles, the connection between Bree, Nick, and Sel never really bothered me. I've found that, if the two love interests have an already established relationship, the love triangle becomes a little more digestable, as their whole dynamic doesn't thrive off any jealousy or competition for someone's love. This book only fueled my need for a Bree/Sel relationship, but I would hate for Nick to go by the wayside. 

Scurry by Mac Smith (4/5) - If you were a Warrior cats fan as a kid, this graphic novel is definitely for you. In a post-apocalyptic world, house mice try to survive through scraps found in abandoned houses, but resources are dwindling. They must venture from their home, with the threat of cats, wolves, and other dangers that lay beyond in the forest. The art is absolutely phenomenal, very cinematic with great lighting. Give it a try if you're a fan of animal survival fiction like Watership Down or Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.

Shadow Weaver by MarcyKate Connolly (2/5) -Just a very middle of the road middle grade sort of book. While I appreciated the dark tone, there was nothing really that hooked me in. Emmeline seemed totally oblivious to her shadow's darker nature right up until the story decided that it was time to get suspicious. Apparently putting a man in a coma near the very beginning didn't set off any alarm bells. I understand that their relationship may have affected her shortsightedness, but almost every piece of dialogue her shadow has is a big red flag. Even kid me probably would have given Emmeline a big side eye at how she kept dismissing the shadow's clear malevolence. Though I have to say, without spoilers, once we learn of the shadow's motivations, I can't blame her for being the way she is. I'm probably not going to read the sequel because I simply don't have enough interest, but I hope she gets her slay girl slay moment. But, given that this is series targeted towards children, probably not.

The Book That No One Wanted to Read by Richard Ayoade (3/5) - About as funny as you're going to get with a comedic talent like Richard Ayoade. it's a sweet junior fiction about a book that doesn't want to be read and has some great observational humor from a book's perspective. Tor Freeman's illustrations are a great addition here, adding to the humor and giving the book more character.

The Fox Girl and the White Gazelle by Victoria Williamson (4/5) - Always had a soft spot for stories featuring two characters from different worlds who come together and find that they have more in common than they realized. Caylin and Reema are two characters that know the trauma of loss, to varying degrees sure, but they know what it means to lose someone dear to you. They bond through caring for an injured fox, sympathizing with a creature that is deemed unwanted by society and has access to a kind of freedom they long for. Though getting off to a rocky start, the two develop a close friendship, bringing out the best in each other and staying resilient in troubled times. An inspirational story for sure, great for helping children empathize with refugee stories and introducing them to the harder aspects of life certain children go through. 

The Scapegracers by H.A. Clarke (5/5) (Review)

DNFs:

Wolfsangel by M.D. Lachlan - I was almost halfway in without really connecting to the characters, plot, or writing style. It takes a while for things to happen and even then, the action seems to drag a bit. Once I noticed that I was skimming more than actually taking in information, I decided to stop. There are some really good bits of dialogue here and there, but it wasn’t enough for me to keep reading.

A Blade So Black by L.L. McKinney - I think I knew I was in trouble when there were two time skips, one three months and another a year, within the first 50 pages. We pass right by Alice’s training to fight against Nightmares, as well as her learning more about Wonderland, which really didn’t set the story off at a good pace. It also didn’t help that the book opens with the protagonist immediately in danger, which is somewhat of a bookish pet peeve for me. Without the proper build-up, it makes the moment seem so much emptier and it’s difficult to feel for the character that’s still an absolute stranger to us. I also wasn’t a fan of the author skipping through what could have been great character development between Alice and Hatta and worldbuilding in favor of getting to the action faster. As a result, I felt forced into a world that felt like it was making itself up as it went along. I wanted to be learning about Wonderland and all its history and eccentricities alongside her, not in retrospect. I also didn’t believe the attachment between Alice and Hatta because we don’t see it develop naturally. Hatta goes from stranger, to mentor she has a crush on, to no way I don’t have a crush on him but mayyyyybbeee and that’s all we really see of their dynamic in the beginning. The fact that I have to wait 1/3 of a book to get to actual plot is kind of a breaking point here. I wish I liked it more, because it does sound like a cool concept, but I think it’s all lost on me.

The Ember’s Lantern by Colleen Houck - Given that I had read Houck's Tiger’s Curse series way back when in high school and loved it, I figured I would feel the same way about a story that attempts to exude spookiness and Halloween vibes. What I didn’t expect was for it to, well, fall supremely smack on its face. I don’t know if my tastes have changed over the years, but I didn’t recall her style feeling so bland and empty. There’s nothing that gives any personality or atmosphere to the writing. It’s mostly simple statements, descriptions, and maybe some internal feelings, but it feels rare. I never really felt entrenched in the world that was being built, and, despite some interesting lore behind the lanterns, it never felt properly realized. Also, Ember was too frustrating as a lead character. She kept making poor decision after poor decision that, without a plot security net, would have definitely gotten her killed immediately. I think her stubbornness was meant to come off as endearing, but it was more of a hindrance. 

Thirst No. 1 by Christopher Pike - Bought this book years ago during my teenage vampire craze and yeah, so many of them I got during that phase have NOT held up. I didn’t feel anything for Alisa, a protagonist that has a self-proclaimed “expertise in everything” and as much charisma and personality as a pale block of wood. She’s a five thousand year old vampire that was a little too ready to jump into a jacuzzi naked with an 18 year old boy in order to manipulate him for information, who naturally becomes her love interest. Ultimately, I think she might have worked better in an adult series, with her unlikability possibly working in her favor, but in this direction, she just seemed entirely superficial.

Average Rating: (3.79/5)

[gunsli-01]

Valentines day Prisoner good points

Haruka, as silly as it is he's a good listener even if it's because of his upbringing he tries his best to listen and now actively engage with others. Though when he's comfortable, he can become intuitive and respond quickly to circumstances.

Yuno despite her coldness she seems to be genuinely empathetic willing to match the atmosphere of those around her and only push things just the right amount. Probably the type to want to just stay home but would be willing to do something big on this day for the right person.

Futa ah he's not the best when it comes to being socially inclined but- for as much as he kicks up a fuss he's at least active in trying to work towards solutions that take all parties into consideration. Even if he doesn't have the social skills or understanding of people needed to properly mediate altercations of any kind.

Mu unlike Futa she does have an inkling of mediation skills that would be well suited in any situation. Now, while she's not the most outwardly considerate or empathetic, she attempts to make up for this through gift giving. She has her own unique ways of showing affection but could probably learn a bit more about being direct from Futa or Kotoko. However, strong suits are she's strong-willed, fashion savvy, and would probably be genuinely fun to hang out with.

Shidou strong suits he minds the business that's paus him. Shidou for all I know about him doesn't seem to overstep boundaries or ask more questions than necessary. He's a bit to content with acting on his own without the input of others but he tries to respect others actions and feelings towards what he's done. He doesn't seem like one to push the needle which is nice from someone his age because the older you get the more opinionated you become and a lot of people find it hard to keep things to themselves. Prime example being me right now.

Mahiru while she strives towards being the ideal woman cooking, cleaning, styling Mahiru is best when she's on her own. She has a quiet kind b ess and maturity to her that makes her comfortable to be around. Because it feels like she's not expecting anything from anyone making affection from her seem unconditional which can be comforting to a lot of people who were always expected to perform in some way.

Kazui, he's fun. He gossips about workplace affairs and is a rather active communicator. However, he discusses things in a flippant/casual way that makes talking to him fun and relaxing instead of tedious or stunted. I also like hearing gossip so that's a plus.

Amane, hm, as hardworking as she seems, I think it's best when she's just relaxing. Amane is good a creating a open atmosphere and isn't one to harp on things she may not understand yet. Sure she won't eat sweets but when she takes the time to relax and talk to the others she seems to enjoy herself in a quietly unrestrained way.

Mikoto, don't bother your service or office workers this Valentines Day. Best feature he's so fucking tired and dude so am I. Don't ask that person at work if they have plans today as small talk don't go love is in the air today huh to someone working the register. Just finish your transaction or shift and leave. Good points ah ha ha it's not good to be a working adult but at least in Milgram he could get a break. He tries his best but jeez he seems tired.

Kotoko she's a go-getter, studious, and seems to have many skills. Though she isn't worldly enough to apply them in a useful way.

[mimzy-writing-online]

You probably know this by now, I don't know if you keep up with Whumptober, but one of the prompts this year includes "blindness". I'm not blind but based on your posts about writing blind characters, and based on how I would feel if one of my disabilities were used as a whump prompt, I'm not super comfortable with it. I was wondering what your thoughts are on blindness being a Whumptober prompt.

(unironically and with feeling) thanks, I hate it.

Yes, I’m familiar with Whumptober, but I’ve never participated myself and I haven’t seen this year’s prompts.

Edit: I later did see the prompts and check out the blog. I think it's a good set of prompts and I look forward to all the promising content, especially since some of my favorite tropes are there. To be clear before you read this, I have no problem with Whumptober2021 or whump in general. This is not the first time blindness has been included for a list of whump prompts, and it won't be the last.

This post directed at the concept of "blindness" as a whump prompt and why I think it's a bad idea. The intended audience is individual writers thinking about future projects.

The timing of this is almost too perfect because I read a fanfic earlier this week that would meet that prompt exactly. Tags included whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. Now whump, hurt/comfort, and angst with a happy ending are tags I enjoy reading, but blindness as whump has a specific message to it.

To explain that message, I want to discuss what whump is. Many readers are already familiar with the genre, but I think taking the specific definitions and picking apart what it means and what expectations we carry when reading whump fanfiction

Urban Dictionary defines it as: taking a character and putting them through physical and/or mental torment and is typically followed by the same character being treated for their traumas. To indicate the characters place in the situation they’d typically be called a whumpee (the character being hurt/comforted), the whumper (the character that causes harm and trauma), and the caretaker (the character designated the helping/healing/comforting the whumpee).

Fanlore has a page for whump that explains it in depth, including where it started in fanfiction, examples of whump, and even a list of “popular targets” in different fandoms. (Warning: you might find yourself called out on the popular targets list)

“The term whump (or whumping) generally refers to a form of Hurt/Comfort that is heavy on the hurt and is often found in gen stories. The exact definition varies and has evolved over time. Essentially, whump involves taking a canon character, and placing them in physically painful or psychologically-damaging scenarios. Often this character is a fan favorite…”

To add to that, I think an important detail is the distinction Fanlore makes between hurt/comfort and whump:

“While some communities and fandoms may use whump as a synonym for hurt/comfort, there is still a recognition that whump refers to darker and more extreme scenarios. And there are still whump fics been written that have very little, or no comfort at the end of the story.”

The big appeal of hurt/comfort is getting to both explore the darker sides of pain and then experience the catharsis of being taken care of, of being supported by your loved ones as you recover from the trauma. The character is the proxy for experiencing those highs and lows while you yourself are safe at home.

I personally don’t read much/any whump without some h/c involved, but I’m happy there are stories out there for people who do enjoy it. I’m not here to judge what you like reading or what you do to your characters.

What I want is to express how blindness, my disability, used as a whump prompt personally makes me feel and what message it sends to me, to others, and how that message affects my daily life.

Whump undeniably involves watching a character suffer through something painful and traumatic.

My use of the word “suffer” is what I want you to focus on.

Vision loss can be painful and traumatic. I personally developed an anxiety disorder in response to vision loss. Others experience depression. For some it might result in relapsing into old, maladaptive coping mechanisms like drug use, self harm, or eating disorders.

A big part of my anxiety was how people reacted to my vision loss. It was a cause of their stress. They were worried because they genuinely believed I would never live a happy life without normal vision, and that my life would only be struggle and pain.

I recently saw an old friend who hadn’t heard about my vision loss. The conversation was awkward, but the worst part was how they reacted as though I had experienced an insurmountable tragedy. And even when I assured them I’m happy with my life, they clearly didn’t believe me. They acted like I was just lying or in denial.

I love that people want to empathize with my situation and ask themselves what they would do in my situation, but I hate when the conclusion they come to is something along the lines of “I could never do that, I’d be too miserable thinking about everything I lost, I’d never be able to do anything I enjoyed ever again.” But I did go blind. And I’m not miserable, I’m actually happy with the direction my life is going, and I still enjoy my hobbies, even if I engage with them differently.

I’m not suffering. My life didn’t end with vision loss. It’s not ruined, broken, or worthless.

I read a fanfic that was tagged with whump, blindness, and angst with a happy ending. A general synopsis of the plot: the whumpee had gone blind due to a curse. It was true love’s kiss that broke the curse. Even from the summary I knew it was going to end with whumpee being cured somehow and that I’d leave that fanfic vaguely dissatisfied no matter how good the rest of the fanfic was.

I can say this for the fanfic: the whumpee had already accepted that they would likely be blind for the rest of their life, but everyone around them was treating it as a tragedy that needed to be fixed, working tirelessly for a cure despite the whumpee’s protests that they didn’t have to.

It actually hit home to my personal experience.

I still left it dissatisfied with the ending. I might love curse fics in that fandom, and I love the “true love’s kiss” trope, but it wasn’t enough to distract me from the fact that: an actual person out in the world thought the best happy ending, maybe the only happy ending, would be if the character got their sight back.

(note: I clicked kudos and exited out of the story's page because no fanfic writer deserves unsolicited critique or hate, especially for content I consumed for free and at my own volition.)

Why read a story I knew would disappoint me?

Because blindness representation is so damn rare that I feel like I’m wandering in a desert, dying from thirst and desperate for that oasis. But sometimes that oasis is a mirage and the author is unintentionally telling you that your life is actually awful and you’ll never be fully happy like this. And that is a shit mentality to walk through life with.

I don’t appreciate blindness being a whump plot. I hate it. Hundreds (thousands?) of fanfictions featuring blind characters are about to enter the internet and the overall message is going to be “You poor thing! You must be in so much pain, you must be miserable! Who’s going to save you? Who’s going to comfort you? Wouldn’t it be terrible if there was no one in your life to take care of you? You poor helpless thing!”

And I feel objectified. I feel trivialized. The mirage in the desert is going to become a starch, empty room filled with dozens of water bottles, almost all of them poisoned. My representation is going to hurt me personally, and it’s going to reinforce that idea strangers have about how awful my life must be.

(I returned to school this past month, and every day I’m hesitant to tell someone I’m visually impaired because I don’t want to be treated differently. If I’ve managed to pass as sighted this whole time and then suddenly reveal “oh yeah, I’m visually impaired” I feel this instant silence, this pause of awkwardness as people suddenly question how they’re supposed to treat me. They treated me like a person, and now I’m something strange and unfamiliar.)

I’ve worked so hard to improve representation for blind people, to give internet strangers the exposure to a blind person they need to normalize blindness because I hope that if they’re ever so lucky as to meet a blind person, they’ll treat that person with respect. That hope that another person in the blind community will find a friend they feel comfortable and accepted with. I hope that I’ll meet people who accept my blindness as just another aspect of me (like being bisexual or gender fluid or a writer or a cat lover).

Please don’t turn me and my community into a caricature. Don’t erase everything I’ve worked for with this blog.

To be clear, this is not just me saying "I hate the cure trope" again. This is me saying "the purpose of whump is to painfully hurt your favorite character, and I hate that your idea of pain and suffering is my daily (wonderful) life."

[dragynkeep]

I get it can be viewing a situation with another character as something to heal, a coping mechanism.

Writing nightmares and episodes and shit, fine by me, as long as you recognize it or depict it as something that shouldn’t be happening, yet happen. That goes for abuse, abuse should never happen, etc.. It’s always in movies and shit. Though I do not agree with writing children with old people in sexual situations on any account. That is written CP... Anything sexual with children in a manner that you yourself are writing to be attractive or “hot” is gross, in reality it really is.

It does happen to people, writing it so that people know it’s a bad thing and the weight of it and how much it can have an effect on someone, probably better? Instead of you know, “normalizing it”

I would not want some 20+ year old writing about me like that against my will. These characters aren’t real, yet you have to think about it. Thinking things through is always important.

I just don’t agree with it, you’re not gonna stop because of this I know. Though, I implore you to think about it harder and why is it that you find this Fun to write, or depict.

It’s not being “uptight” it’s going along with gut, experience and thought. I have been groomed before and all that shit, stuff I haven’t even told anyone. It’s just that personally I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the shit I went through, or what has anyone went through.

And the proshipping community IS a safe space for pedophiles. Everywhere. It’s like a ground where they have literally every damn say. You can’t just say “no its not” because that’s like closing your eyes and pretending someone isn’t there. I have seen plenty of people in the proshipping community be outed as pedophiles. Its fucked. Not necessarily saying all of them are, but it’s still fucked because WHY are you giving into that behavior.

Not to mention minors get into this community and that has them vulnerable. They just get into it and learn “oh its fine to be under 18 and with an adult” when its fucking not fine but they believe it because they learn that from adults or other children who have been groomed by adults who happened to be their “friend”.

It’s a fucking system man, one moment you’re fine with some bullshit, the next you have now convinced a teenager it’s fine that an adult is talking to them sexually because they see it in fanfiction and as something desirable.

You can't normalise something that society sees as wrong. Someone writing fanfiction about age gaps and noncon is not gonna suddenly change everyone's perspective any more than Game of Thrones did.

All this says is you want adults to baby teenagers on the internet. Outside of tagging triggering content and warning those who are affected by it to not read it, we are not required to do anymore. If you are old enough to be on these sites unsupervised by your parents, you are old enough to make decisions not to engage in fiction that is not written for you.

Because a proshipper is just someone who believes that fiction does not equal 1:1 with reality. Fiction can conjure up feelings like happiness or sorrow, but it cannot on its own tell someone that something socially unacceptable is actually okay. What is needed for it to be able to do that is ignorance, and that's where you have propaganda. Teenagers should not be getting their socially acceptable behaviour lessons from a buncha strangers on the internet writing and drawing shit. That's on their parents.

Also the fact that you literally wrote "written CP" is fucking gross. There is no such thing as written CP, because it has to be pictures of an idenfiable child who is real. Not pixels, real. Because at the end of the day, that is a real human being that is being hurt and exploited for other people's gain. To equate that with a fictional character going through a story is dishonest and you should be ashamed.

Both of us have been groomed. We have been hurt in horrible ways, so no, you don't get to use the "I was groomed" card to shame other survivors because you personally don't like it.

Cause that's what this long ass ask is about. You're not being smart, you're not helping people, you're shaming them for doing stuff that you personally don't like. And rather than be an adult and click off or simply don't interact, you get on your high horse and you look down at the proshippers who are gross and have nasty likes in fiction. Grow tf up.

Any proshipper who is one knows that pedophiles are not welcome in this community. Are there gonna be some? Yeah, because pedophiles use anything they can to groom children and abuse them. It's not the object they use, it's the trust they build with their victim in order to get them to do what they want. You think they just sprung up when fanfiction became more widespread and easily accesible? No, you fucking doughnut.

And I've seen many antis being outed as pedophiles. Almost like every community is in danger of them, lmao.

You don't have to agree with proshipping. You don't have to like it. No one is making you.

But you are literally the one coming into proshippers' spaces, many of whom talk about their past with abuse and assault, and shame them into going back into privacy with things that don't have to be private. Why don't you block and create your own space away, so that you're comfortable with other people who like the same stuff that you do?

Oh wait, cause you'd rather sit in my inbox and cry over it. Piss off.

[koreanstudyjunkie]

Things That Hinder Your Korean Progress | How to learn more efficiently.

Disclaimer: These are just some tips to hopefully help you stay on track or get back on track if you’ve been out of it recently. I think It can help you if you're lost.

1. Relying On Romanization or Hesitating To Learn Hangul

Romanization is not inherently bad or evil though a lot of people in the Korean learning community may act as if it is. English is written in "roman" letters and when a Korean word is written out in these "English" letters, It is referred to as "Romanization". When you first start learning to read, you want to stop relying on romanization as early on as possible.

2. Ignoring Particles

there's no need to learn every single particle at once, but once you start learning grammar and making your own sentences, definitely don't negelct the particles. [Click here to see a list of all the major Korean particles & their usages]

3. Neglecting To Practice Speaking (or any one skill in general whether it be reading, writing, listening, or speaking)

This also depends on your goal. If you just want to be able to have a conversation, then of course you want to practice speaking & listening most of all. But It's also good to know that writing and reading can improve both speaking & listening skills and vice versa. So why not try and do them all here and there.

4. Not Learning About Korean Culture

Culture directly affects your Korean. The best way to learn about the culture is to watch & engage with Korea media (shows, social media, videos, etc.)

5.) Not Learning Enough Grammar/Vocabulary (Learning too much grammar/vocabulary)

It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you may get into a phase where you only study grammar or only study vocab. But try to balance both.

> Quizlet: Vocabulary Masterlist

6. Skipping Review

I'm so guilty of this, but reviewing is essential. What's the point of learning something if you forget about it every time and have to re-learn it over and over again.

> The Best Technique For Studying/Reviewing Grammar: how to remember grammar you learn

7. Overdoing it and then getting burned out

I do this as well. we all get excited and study a lot but then we might get burned out and not study for a long time. Study to your heart's content, but be sure to plan for after that excitement dies down and you're less motivated.

> How to make a Korean study routine

8. Not taking breaks when needed (believing that you’ll forget everything of you don’t study for a day or a few days)

Trust me when I say, a day off or even a week off will not kill all of your progress. You may forget a few things, but you'll relearn quicker than when you first learned it and you'll be much happier for it at the end of the day.

Even when studying, taking a break after some time (20-30-40 minutes or whatever) or hours of studying is just a good practice to have. Not just studying, but with any tasks that you spend lots of time doing.

9. Comparing yourself to others

So what If someone has studied for less time than you but "knows" more. We're all learning at our own pace. You're situation is not the same as everyone else.

10. Thinking it’s a one and done situation.

It's not just 2 years or 3 years of studying and your done forever. Learning a language is a life-long thing. The more you learn, the less you know and this is not meant to discourage you.

I believe it actually will improve your mindset towards studying Korean to know that you have the rest of your life to improve not just a year or a few months.

Korean is EASY to learn BUT HARD to master. Most of you may have hit a plateau, just know it's okay and happens to everyone. Keep studying. You progress fast in the beginning and then it slows down to a more realistic pace. The only way to break past is to keep going!