#Even in that some are available some aren't I am so confused

[studyblr-perhaps]

The biggest gripe I have with research is that most papers are hidden over a paywall, but we are supposed to know what work has been done and not repeat it (obv). Except, how tf am I do something new if I don't even have any means of knowing what others have done? I know there are a lot of ways to get the papers pirated but man I just want to legally be able to read the papers which are out, you know?

If there is someone who's been in research for a longer time, if you know the reason for all these paywalls or a way around this issue, please enlighten us. This is my official plea for help.

[sunderwight]

Shen Yuan who glitches in his transmigration, but the original Shen Qingqiu still dies of a qi deviation.

So the System still needs someone with narrative relevance to throw Luo Binghe into the Abyss. In a fit of desperation, it contrives circumstances after Shen Qingqiu's death to move Luo Binghe to An Ding Peak (not that difficult), and then the System makes Shang Qinghua be Luo Binghe's new scum master who casts him down.

Airplane's thrilled, really. Cultivators aren't supposed to get ulcers but damned if he doesn't come close to one anyway. Between Shen Qingqiu and then just a while later Liu Qingge both dying from qi deviations, and Shang Qinghua looking like a stiff breeze could take him out any day now, poor Mu Qingfang is also just about at his wits' end.

But it's not all bad news! On An Ding Peak, Luo Binghe actually finds himself surrounded by the kinds of people who are accustomed to being bullied by the rest of the sect. So they're pretty sympathetic to him, and it's easier for someone with basic laboring skills to advance on that peak too. His chores don't decrease too much, but he actually gets rewarded for doing them well, and no one tries to kick him out of the dorms or anything. Shang Qinghua doesn't either go out of his way to bully or praise Luo Binghe, correctly reasoning that his best shot at not getting a gruesome death is to just be a more forgettable bad guy than an abusive dirtbag or a heart-wrenching betrayal. He doesn't sabotage Luo Binghe's cultivation (no point, and it would just farm resentment later) but he also doesn't go out of his way to help him improve (not gonna arm his inevitable maybe-probably-murderer with better weapons!), so Luo Binghe's situation sees an overall improvement but not the zero-to-hero treatment he'd have got with Shen Yuan either.

When Shang Qinghua shoves Luo Binghe into the Abyss (he just full on picks him up and tosses him like a sack of beans, better to rip it off quick like a bandage), LBH is upset, but he's not especially surprised or dismayed about Shang Qinghua's part in it. Later on he'll be kind of confused, because he just assumed that of course the righteous sect cultivator would abhor the demon, but it turns out Shang Qinghua has been working for a demon since before Luo Binghe even came to the sect? But then it still kind of makes sense because a Heavenly Demon would definitely pose a risk to Mobei Jun and to Mobei Jun's rule. Shang Qinghua, he supposes, is just really loyal to his specific demon.

Luo Binghe's subsequent revenge quest is also somewhat mitigated by the Abyss actually not being that bad.

The Abyss is not actually that bad thanks to the glitched out Shen Yuan having been camping there for several years now.

So when Shen Yuan's transmigration failed it failed because he "woke up" during the process, realized where the System intended to put him, was like no way in goddamn hell am I being that guy about it, and actually kind of won the ensuing tug-of-war. The System couldn't put him in Shen Qingqiu but Shen Yuan didn't want to go back to his dead body either, so he ended up stuck in the nearest available space for lost interdimensional beings. Which was the Endless Abyss.

Luckily Shen Yuan's quasi-transmigrated imparted an equivalent cultivation level as Shen Jiu's to him, and the glitch made him able to sense and manipulate certain extra-dimensional energies, so he manifested as this weird godlike being able to manipulate and control aspects of the Abyss. So he set about transforming Airplane's Torment Nexus into a viable ecosystem (the current version would not be anything approaching sustainable were it not for divine/narrative intervention, and is constantly on the verge of destabilizing into unlivable ruin that would only be fit for some particularly hardy microorganisms).

It's still like, a monster land full of demonic creatures and terrifying phenomenon, but with Shen Yuan's assistance it becomes something more like a demonic wildlife reserve than a dimensional horror plane. Though it is still a dimensional horror plane, and Shen Yuan is its chief dimensional horror. He treats it sort of like those dungeon building or wildlife park sims, figuring out how to keep everything in balance while still preserving all the interesting parts. A lot of the extreme survival issues of the Abyss are more of a result of it being environmentally unstable than a result of its actual denizens, and once he smooths out a lot of the messy dimensional edges and creates stable vents for the fluctuating energy run-off, the demonic inhabits start behaving less like horror movie monsters and more like animals. They're still wild and dangerous and prone to killing one another, but also more cautious, and able to access enough stable resources that they can even start to be picky about what they pursue.

Turns out that a lot of creatures in the Abyss actually don't like fighting and dying and being brutally injured on a regular basis, even if they can heal from it!

Shen Yuan has even discovered that some like chin scritches (he's not terribly worried about habituating them to people, given how rarely any people actually access the Abyss, but also because he's not really all that people-ish himself these days).

This means that one of Luo Binghe's first encounters with the horrible creatures of the Abyss, is in fact a pack of wolf-like monsters thoroughly avoiding an actual fight with him. In fact most of the denizens of the Abyss just avoid him. They can smell the Heavenly Demon energy rolling off of him, and given the current abundance of alternatives to dealing with that, virtually none of the monsters actually choose to challenge him. There are still a few that will go after anything that's bleeding, but that problem stops once Luo Binghe's physiology heals his wounds, which takes like... a couple hours, max.

Despite the stories he's heard, Luo Binghe is relieved to find that the Abyss is not quite so terrible as all that. Normal survival skills suffice for seeing him through much of it. He's able to hunt for food, scavenge for tools, and even finds potable water fairly easily. After a few weeks, he also comes across a ruin which seems to be inhabited.

The being inhabiting it is plainly a god, although he demurs and refutes such assertions whenever Binghe is too frank. He's a strange being, at turns looking like some queer approximation of a human, at other times blinking and winking in and out of existence, in patterns of strange lights and oddly geometrical fire. But he's surprisingly not hostile, letting Binghe rest in his residence, and even directing him towards points of interest. Accompanying him, too, though he seems to think that Binghe doesn't notice the odd almost spiderweb-like patterns that appear on things which he's influencing. The god calls himself The Peerless One, or at least that's what Luo Binghe infers from some writings on the ruin. The Peerless One offers instruction, seemingly without thinking about it, and gets flustered at being addressed by title, so Binghe also begins to refer to him as Shizun after a while.

[citrustan]

dating girl (jjk)

pairing: jungkook x reader

summary: you try to convince yourself that you're really okay with 'casually dating' your crush.

genre: college au, fwb kinda thing but more than friends ygm? angst!

"Are they allowed to cancel an entire day at college? That can't be good for anyone..." Your mother ponders out loud as you walk around the city hand-in-hand.

"There's not much you can do if someone decides to paint over every projector lens on campus." You nod.

"Lucky for me, I get to spend time with my little baby," she nuzzles her nose into your hair, squeezing you in a side-hug, "Still can't believe we have to schedule our hangouts now."

"Yeah, there's that..." You smile half-heartedly.

You stop near a flower stall, taking in the hustle and bustle of the city. It's especially crowded because of your university abruptly cancelling a bunch of classes.

After your day had freed up unexpectedly, you had invited your sorta but not really boyfriend, Jungkook, to go cafe hopping to find where all the good teas are because you knew he'd be available. But he never responded.

So your mood has been a bit damp all day.

You had just stepped out of this store that sold handmade sweaters and yarn balls. Not even a good shopping spree could lift your spirits.

What certainly doesn't help is randomly seeing said sorta but not really boyfriend who didn't respond to your texts out and about with some leggy blonde girl.

You've never seen her around.

Not that you know every single person on campus, but if they've crossed Jungkook's path, you know them.

They're dining together al fresco, at one of the cafes you had literally listed in your text to Jungkook.

Talk about a slap in your face.

For a second, you think she might just be his sister or something.

But that thought bubble is quickly shot at with a razor-sharp arrow when you see him kiss her knuckles.

Your eyes involuntary darken, and your mouth forms a pout. The kind one has when they're trying to hold back a cry or a sob.

All the while, your mother had talked about your grandparents' separation, the local diner having caught fire, and matching mother and daughter shoes she had bought for your birthday.

You were listening passively so you didn't quite catch everything.

When your mother notices the look on your face, she frowns, following the line of your vision.

Upon spotting Jungkook and mystery girl, she gasps angrily, "Oh, no, he sucks." She turns back to you, "Honey, I'm so sorry."

"No, mom, this is normal," you smile weakly, "And it's okay."

"You're still seeing him, aren't you?" She tilted her head in confusion.

"Yes." You nod, "I am."

"But then he's there," she points at the pair with her chin, "seeing her. How's that okay?"

"It just is, mom! Really," you attempt to convince your mother (and yourself) that you were 100% fine with witnessing Jungkook out with other women. "We're keeping things casual. Very... casual."

"And that's a mutual decision?" She confirms.

"We both agreed." You concur.

Your mother's still unsure about your choices. "Well. Okay then."

You glance at Jungkook and mystery girl one last time.

The picture isn't pretty. He's leaning into her ear and has his large hand placed over her bare thigh as she caressed his arm with her much smaller hand, thoroughly enjoying his attention.

Your mother watches your expression go stiff, "So, how does this work again?"

Snapping you out of your daze, she pushes a few strands of hair away from your eyes.

"Oh. Um..." You exhale, "Well, we see each other and we see other people, and that's that. We're cas-" - "Yeah, casual, I heard." Your mother interrupts your blabber.

When you frown at her she sighs, "Sorry..."

"It's ok." You look down at your feet, kicking a few stray pebbles out of the way.

"I just--- I thought you guys were sleeping together." She blurts.

"Mom!" You exclaim, looking around to see if anyone had heard her, "It's not that big of a deal. I want this too. And I need to learn to date too."

Again, you try to ease your mind about your decision.

"So who else are you dating?" She asks pointedly.

This is suddenly getting very exhausting.

You lightly cringe and look around, "Uh... Nobody yet. But this guy from one of my extras--- his name's Hoseok but we call him Hobi, or Hoba, depending on how close you are to him--- anyway, he asked me out to a halloween theme party next week."

Your mother gives you a knowing look, deciding to play along anyway, "Oh! You've never mentioned him before."

"Mhm. Because it's new." You hunch your shoulders nervously.

The party was hosted by the student body to raise funds for, you don't know, collegiate stuff.

You had imagined going with Jungkook, with matching Dentist and Tooth Fairy couple costumes. But he hadn't asked you yet and you definitely weren't going to bring it up first.

It's less than a week away, so you're not expecting anything from him either. He probably already has another date lined up.

You wonder if it's the blonde he's with now.

Maybe you can do the look with Hoseok instead.

"So, are you gonna do it?"

"Do what?" Was she in your head?

"Go with Hobi or Hoba." She makes air quotations for 'Hobi or Hoba.'

"Oh, yeah. Yep. Definitely." Suddenly remembering, you add, "Oh and can you make me my costume? I want to be the Tooth Fairy?" You softly ask her, knowing it's a little last minute, but also knowing she wouldn't deny you.

"Why of course! Does... Hobi need a costume too?" She asks carefully.

"Oh, no. Probably not." Well, you don't know. You don't know if his offer even stands now and you might end up not going at all.

Your mother rubs your shoulder, "Ask him and let me know, 'kay?"

You force out an uncomfortable smile and nod, "Thanks."

Although your mother's not convinced, she decides to drop the topic all together.

"Well, that's good," she smiles down at you warmly, "Do you want to get that sweater exchanged?"

It was vague, but you appreciated her attempt either way.

"Mhm. Back to the store we go." You narrate with an airy laugh.

Your mother was in the lead, already making her way to the store you had just walked out of.

Once again, your gaze falls on Jungkook and his date, and to your surprise he was staring right back at you.

You want to give him a little smile. To show him you're unbothered. But you couldn't seem to force one out this time.

So you settle with giving him a small wave, which he returns, mirroring your expression.

His date follows his line of sight and spots you too, giving you a tight smile. It's not passive aggressive, just... decent. Not polite either. But why should she be?

Jungkook blinks at you as you hurriedly leave trying to keep up with your mother.

Maybe you should focus on Hoseok for now.

note: nobody asked for this but i was feeling a little silly :p needed some angsty ouchie with the possibility of a favourable conclusion so i indulged!

hey bonus points if you can tell what inspired this! and if you read all this lmk what you think regardless :D

[fanfics-for-you]

what's in a name? || Patrick Verona (TTIHAY) x gn!reader (Modern!College!AU)

AVAILABLE ON AO3 (SOON)

Inspiration: ✨️Patrick Verona✨️

Summary: Patrick Verona is apparently the most intimidating guy on campus. You just want to get by, pass your classes, and get to your actual dreams. When you casually approach him one day and decidedly are not scared of him, Patrick has some questions.

TWs: light language, use of Y/N (only like twice), second person POV (you, yours).

[[A/N: This is basically under the concept that you approach Patrick first, and aren't really as afraid of him as anybody else. He's intrigued. Also this is a college AU, because I am in college and I think it's weird to write about high school lmao. ALSO,,, I know this is incredibly niche and a dead tag, but... I watched the movie recently and was violently possessed to write this. The parasites in me what to continue this universe, but idk. Anyway. Enjoy :)]]

You were exhausted. Totally and completely exhausted.

You'd stayed up all night for your chem quiz, and still, didn't think you did great on it. Which made your day ever so worse. So, when you went to the library, and someone was sitting in the spot you always sat in, you halfway wanted to cry and halfway wanted to rip your hair out. Normally, such a thing wouldn't be a big deal, but today it was. So, with a certainty that rivaled a lawyer in court, you stomped over to the chair.

For a moment, the guy didn't even look at you. He kept staring at his friend, a surprisingly 'metal' dressing guy who was talking avidly about something.

You cleared your throat.

That's when they both looked at you.

You were entirely focused on the one in your seat. A taller guy with built shoulders, curly hair and a sharp jaw. In normal circumstances, you'd probably think he was hot. Today was not normal circumstances.

The man raised an eyebrow.

Okay, so maybe it was a little normal circumstances, but that wasn't relevant.

"What are you doing?"

The man answered, simply -maybe a little confused, "Sitting?"

"That's my spot," you clarified, pointedly.

"Oh, I'm sorry-" the man pretended to start getting up before pausing -speaking sarcastically, "-Oh wait, I've just remembered, this is public property."

Mindlessly noting that he had an accent that you couldn't quite place, you rolled your eyes, "I sit there everyday. Just give me the spot."

"You weren't sitting here all day," he pointed out, "-or else I wouldn't be here."

You pressed your lips together into a thin line, "I was busy failing a chem test, now get up."

His eyes skimmed over your face, thoughtfully, "Do you know who I am?"

"Why-" you sighed out, frustrated, "-would I know who you are?"

Even despite the comment, he did seem familiar somehow but you weren't going to tell him that.

He furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, and didn't say anything. You felt like you were going to explode in fiery flames.

You groaned, "Oh my god. There are thousands of seats on campus, just go sit somewhere else."

"Exactly," the man countered, "-why don't you sit somewhere else?"

"Because-" you huffed out a breath, "-that's my spot."

"And why is this spot so important to you?" He shuffled slightly, moving his hands along the cracks of the seat, "-You got something good stashed in 'ere?"

"Dear god," you huffed out a breath in defeat, "-Whatever. Enjoy your seat, asshole."

And with that, you spun on your heel and pulled yourself deeper into the library. Taking a breath in, you pulled yourself into a seat not too far from the original, but you were around the corner so you wouldn't have to look at his stupid face. You soured just at the thought.

You pulled open your chem book, and read through it -trying to figure out which ones you definitely missed, that way you could get the ballpark for what your grade might be. You really needed to know, to make sure your GPA stayed in the range for your dream university.

But, in the middle of it, you heard someone plop into the chair in front of you (it was a group of chairs, like for a group of people if necessary).

Before looking up, you spoke -sharply, "Do you mind?"

"Not at all."

Your eyes shot up at that familiar accent, and you frowned.

"You got the seat," you pointed out, bitterly, "-What the hell do you want now?"

"Your name," he answered simply.

You blinked, (what?) before settling back into your seat and flipping to the next page, "Yeah, no."

The man seemed to move forward, and unwillingly your eyes flickered to him (his curls moving with the motion), "Why not?"

"I don't give my name out to strangers," you retorted -flicking your eyes down to your book, "-especially not assholes."

"Don't know if I can change who I am," he smirked, "-but, I can work on the stranger part."

You frowned, eyeing him particularly, "Seriously, what do you want?"

"I already told you," he replied, fidgeting with something in his hands (you weren't paying attention), "-I'm Patrick, by the way."

"Well," you exhaled, sharply, and ignored his name, "-you're not getting it."

"Well," he repeated with the same sort of grin, "-I'll just have to work on that too, then."

You looked up at him again and squinted at him -trying to read him somehow. All he did was grin at you, a charming kind, of course, that made crinkles on his cheeks. You ignored the flutter in your chest that it gave you and darted your eyes back down to your book.

The next day, you were in better spirits. After studying for an entirely different class, you were pretty sure you aced that test. So, you weren't as pissed, thankfully. Until you went into the library to sit between classes like you always did.

You paused in your step and frowned.

The guy (Patrick, your mind treacherously noted) was sitting by your chair, mindlessly tapping his fingers along the arm of the chair. He wasn't in your chair, thankfully, but still, he was in the one beside it. Pointedly close.

You huffed out a breath, and moved toward the chairs, "What are you doing?"

"Sitting," he repeated.

You raised an eyebrow.

He seemed to take that as a repeat of the question -before saying, confidently (too confidently), "I'm studying for a test."

"You don't seem like the studying type," you retorted, throwing yourself into the chair and pulling out your laptop -realizing it was no use to try and get him to leave.

Patrick pointed out, "You don't even know me."

"And I don't intend to," you replied with ease, flicking your eyes to meet his, "-your point?"

He grinned the same bright one from before, amused maybe. Your heart skipped a beat, so you dropped your eyes back down to your laptop. He, on the other hand, didn't seem to look away.

"What's your major?" He asked, thoughtfully.

"I won't tell you my name," you leveled, scrolling through your online schedule for homework, "-but you think I'll tell you my major?"

"Well," he reasoned, "-a name is much more identifiable, but your major," he shrugged, "-not so much."

You eyed him again for a second, before saying, "What if you just want to look up my classes and hunt me down?"

Patrick smiled again, before asking, "What is your next class?"

"Why?" You ask, pointedly, "-So you can force me into talking to you again?"

"Preferably," he replied, grinning cheekily.

You raised an eyebrow, and bit your lip to pull down a smile that begged to quirk up, "I'm not telling you that either."

"What if I just follow you when you leave?" He questioned, curiously, "-Figure it out myself?"

"And what if I-" you smiled at him -patronizingly, "-call the campus police?"

He raised both eyebrows as if to say 'touché' without saying it out loud. You bit down another smile and moved back to your computer -pulling out your planner and jotting down dates.

"Your pissiness," he suddenly spoke, "-Are you often filled with boiling hatred?"

"No," you sigh out, before shooting him another patronizing smile, "-that's special just for you."

He laughed then, and something warm zinged down to your toes (you ignored it), "Do you seriously not know me?"

"Do you know how many Patricks exist in the world?" you point out, "-No, I don't know you."

"So you do remember my name," he smirked, patting along his lap with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

You rolled your eyes but didn't say a word.

It ended up like that for the rest of the time, Patrick shooting questions now and then, and you shutting them down. His stupid smirk and low, rumbly, accented voice, you hated that he actually seemed kinda nice -all things considered.

But, as you stood up to leave, you decided on something.

"Literature," you said simply, gathering up everything into your bag.

He paused, shooting up his eyebrows, "What?"

"My next class," you answered, nonchalantly pulling your bag onto your shoulder, "-Intro to Literature."

Patrick grinned, bright and shiny, "Gen Ed?"

"Yeah," you answered, moving to put the last few things in your bag.

"Can I walk you?"

Your eyes snapped to him then, curiously -detailing the rather honest look, before answering solidly, "No."

He burst into laughter then, throwing his head back against the chair -you mindlessly watched his curls fall back with the motion and then snapped your eyes away.

"Same time tomorrow then?" He asked, still laughing a little bit (something in you twinkled).

"Nope," you exhale a breath, ignoring the disappointment that swirled into your chest, "-I'm not on campus tomorrow."

He seemed to falter for a second, "Do you live on campus?"

You raised a solid eyebrow, you really think I'd tell you that?

"Right, yeah, okay," Patrick conceded, holding up his hands in faux surrender, "-What days are you on campus?"

You paused, pressing your lips together, but something in you did it, "Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays."

He grinned a little brighter, "Are you here around the same time on Mondays?"

Something in your chest flipped, but even still, you answered, "That's what you have to figure out. Not me."

And then, you spun on your heel and walked out of the library. His laughter trailed out behind you, and if you had a small little smile on your face at the noise, that was only for you to know.

Monday came, and you woke up early and made your way to campus -the first class of the day was at the crack of dawn. You physically despised it, but so is the schedule of a college student. Plus, you still worked, so the earlier the better for your schedule -didn't mean it didn't suck though.

Sipping on your drink, you wandered back toward the cafeteria -crossing the main connecting area, where everything led to. There was a baseball game going on, not an official one by the looks of it, in the grass. Your eyes hinged on the game for a few seconds, the echoes of laughter shooting toward your ears. It looked fun, but you weren't too invested in being outside for that long. Before you could look away though, your eyes caught on a familiar frame.

Patrick.

His hair was tied back, and he was wearing a pretty bland tank top (just grey), with some typical jeans. With his hair pulled back, you could see his jaw more distinctively -the sharp lines clear from even this far away. (Not that you were looking.) The sun bore down on them but all of the players seemed to be happily distracted. And you kinda were too.

You pursed your lips, for a moment, and looked forward again after a breath, heading toward the cafeteria again confidently.

Before you could get very far, though, you heard a familiar accent.

"Hey!" He yelled, a little distant -footsteps following his voice, "-Hey!"

At first, you weren't sure if he was talking to you, so you kept moving.

"Shit, I don't know what to call you," he called out, breathless and much, much closer.

You spun on your heels with furrowed brows, and met his eyes over a few people's heads. The grin that swallowed his face whole should've been criminal, bright and twinkly and... charming.

Before you could say anything, he was by your side with heavy breaths -assumedly from playing baseball and getting over to you. Leaning over slightly, he leveled out heavy breaths. You were almost concerned enough to offer him water, but he seemed to settle himself before you could.

"Hi," he echoed, "-'Ve been looking for you all morning, what time did you get here?"

You blinked, all morning?

"I get here early, 7, and immediately go to class," you answered, a little blankly (looking for you, looking for you, looking for you).

"Oh," he paused, "-I got here at 8. There's classes at 7?"

"Obviously," you respond, because you did in fact just say it.

"Did you-" Patrick started, before pursing his lips together, "-Are you going to the library now?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, "No, I'm going to the cafeteria to eat between classes. Why?"

"I'm actually quite hungry myself," he avoided the question, "-Do you mind if I tag along?"

"What about your game?" You furrowed your eyebrows even further -eyeing him curiously.

"'S just to fill time," he explained, "-It's nothing serious. They're sure to find someone to fill in for me."

You flicker your eyes along his face, trying to read him. What's your prerogative?

After a moment, you come up with nothing and instead, just turn on your heel -leading the way to the cafeteria.

"I'm taking that as a yes, then?" Patrick called out from behind you, catching up and matching your stride with ease (despite you making no move to slow down).

You decidedly don't answer him, and say something focused elsewhere -eyeing him as you walk forward, "Do you always stalk people this much?"

Patrick laughed, catching your eye with his warm brown ones (they were almost sparkly under the sun of the day), "Only the ones that blindly hate me."

You pressed your lips together in a flat line (trying not to give anything away), "I didn't say that I hated you."

His face lit up at the words (and you couldn't decide if you regretted it or not), "Well, you could've convinced me."

You roll your eyes, and keep walking forward, "Not telling you my personal information isn't... hating you."

"I'm not sure not introducing yourself is exactly anything but hatred," he argued back, fluidly.

"I just told you that I don't hate you," you point out, "-so it isn't."

"Does that mean you'll eventually tell me your name?" Patrick asked, curiously.

You turned to him, flicked your eyes over him, and then looked forward again, "Maybe on good behavior."

He burst into laughter, brown eyes set on your face, "You're quite an enigma, you know that?"

"And you're not half the mystery you portray," you fire back, naturally, with the flow of the conversation.

He grinned at that, eyes shining with something you couldn't quite label, "You know, I don't think I've met a person like you. You're fearless in like a-" he motioned with his hands, "-casual way."

"I'm not fearless," you argue, approaching the door to the cafeteria, "-I'm just confident."

"Do they not go hand-in-hand?" Patrick offers, getting to the door before you and promptly holding it open for you -unflinchingly.

Something warm stirs in your stomach at the gesture (and his woodsy scent that brushes your nose as you walk past him), but you ignore it, "You can be certain and still be afraid."

"But knowing you're right doesn't necessarily mean-" Patrick followed you in, matching your stride again, as if it's natural, "-that you're confident."

You furrow your eyebrows, genuinely intrigued, "What do you mean?"

He paused, maybe a little shocked by your attentiveness, "Plenty of people know they're right and still concede to someone else because they don't want to fight it. You-" he pointed at you, "-will fight it."

"Well," you purse your lips, avoiding his eye contact, "-maybe I'm only like this with you."

"You," Patrick paused, "-You're not this fiery ball of rage with anyone else?"

You eye him for a second, before saying flatly, "Maybe."

"All of this seething hatred and impressive indifference just for me?" He grins, the big teeth-showing kind, "-I'm touched really. Because I am special to you in some weird kinda twisted way-"

Before you can stop yourself, you let out a laugh at his words -just a quick one. Barely there.

But you could still see the delight smooth along his face, and just knew he caught it.

"How much of that have you been holding back?" He tilted his head curiously, before continuing to push it, smirking, "-Oh I bet you think I'm hilarious."

Your heart skipped a beat at the smirk, and you simply pressed your lips together and turned on your heel to the food counter. There wasn't even a second before you heard footsteps following you.

"You're not denying it, you know," he called after you, close on your tail.

You peer over the selection of food, eyeing the different items thoughtfully, "But I didn't confirm it either."

"Still not denying it," Patrick hummed, sing-songy.

"You know," you turn to him (mindlessly noting that he is very close), sharply, "-someone can have one good joke and still be unfunny."

He leaned forward slightly, eyes set on yours -challenging, "Then tell me why it came out like you were holding it back?"

You blinked at him, once and then twice, the sudden closeness sent a shock through your brain and the challenging tone of his voice nearly gave you full-body shivers. You can't find words to say, and you can nearly see it processing on Patrick's face (the way that he had made your mind melt for a moment), so you turn to the counter and point at something random for them to pick out for you.

The woman eyes the two of you suspiciously, but still diligently pulls out a to-go plate and piles the... mashed potatoes onto it.

"Oh my god," he finally says after a moment (you ignore it).

You go through a few other items, and the woman gathers them onto the plate. You pay, grab your plate-

"You like me," Patrick retorts, and you're not even looking at him but you can tell he's got a shit-eating grin.

Your brain malfunctions for a moment, but you step toward the tables and fire back (on autopilot), "I won't even tell you my name."

He's hot on your trail, following you diligently, "You're avoiding the question."

You spin to him, and reply -sharply, "You didn't ask a question."

His eyes flicker along your face, taking you in (you want to squirm but you steel yourself in place -your eyes now challenging), and then he grins so bright that you'd need sunglasses in any other scenario.

"Oh, you're really into me," he continues, low, gravelly, accented voice rumbling through your ears.

You screw up your face into something defiant, roll your eyes, and turn back to slide into a table. Patrick follows you like a lost puppy. Well, an incredibly arrogant lost puppy.

"You're still not denying it," he slides into the chair beside you and you hate the way your brain swims at the woodsy smell that brushes your nose.

"'Thought you were hungry," you say, simply (avoiding the question and decidedly not denying).

"It was very obviously a ploy," Patrick chimed back, with natural ease -tilting his head slightly and looking at you with twinkling eyes, "-They had pizza out there for all the players. I've already eaten."

Your fork froze for a millisecond (even still, you were sure he caught it), and after a moment, you pulled it to your lips. Maybe conquering both of your lack of response and the way your mind lit up at the idea of 'he just wanted to see me'.

His smile and eyes seemed to soften slightly, as he leaned his head down to catch your eye and guide it back up to your natural gaze (your heart skipped a beat). His brown eyes were soft and if you were honest, maybe a little affectionate.

"What's your name?" He finally said after a soft few moments.

And just like that, for you, the moment snapped, and you rolled your eyes -turning back to your food.

"Oh, come on," Patrick tried to catch your gaze again, "-Look, I'll tell you. Patrick Verona. That's my name-"

You bit down a smile, as he motioned to you with his hands.

"-Now, your turn, tell me yours."

You raised an eyebrow.

Patrick let out a half-laugh, before leaning forward slightly on the table -not quite a breath away, but certainly closer.

"You're so stubborn," he laughed, "-I'll beg. You want me to beg?"

You can't help but let the smile slip onto your lips then, "Why would you beg for my name?"

"Because I want it," he pointed out, still grinning "-Because I want to know you, and personally, I think it should start with a name."

Your heart fluttered in your chest, and you let your fork hang there on the path to your face. You took a moment, scampered your eyes along his face (dark brown eyes so incredibly soft, curls coming down from where he put them up in individual tendrils). Your resolve was weakening, it was really and truly broken under Patrick Verona's hand.

Stupid pretty boys-

"Y/N," you said finally (quieter than intended), immediately pulling a bite to your mouth.

Patrick blinked, "What?"

"'S my name," you explain -shortly, moving a hand in front of your mouth as you chew, "-Y/N."

His eyes lit up at the words, that stupid charming grin smoothing onto his face as he repeated, softer than expected, "Y/N."

You shove down the fluster that begs to climb up your cheeks at his accented voice saying your name. It's something you'd never really thought about but now that it's said, you probably should've thought about it.

Patrick leaned back in his chair, eyes still set on you. He was still grinning, as he said simply, "Suits you."

You furrow your eyebrows, "What's that supposed to mean?"

He raises his hands in faux surrender, laughing to himself, "Jesus, you're a true ball of rage, you know 'at?"

"I'm not-" you huff out, and take a deep breath in, "-I'm not mad."

"Defensive then," he mends, "-You act as though I'm about to strike any minute."

You pursed your lips, "Whose to say you aren't?"

"Me," Patrick laughs, "-This entire conversation. The way I've acted around you since the beginning-"

"Oh, shut up," you roll your eyes, unable to stop the smile creeping onto your lips, "-you were an asshole once."

He groaned, but something like amusement was twinkling in his eyes, "You are the most stubborn human being on this earth-"

"You took my spot," you interrupt, sturdy.

"-It's public property," Patrick argued back, "-and how was I supposed to know it was yours before I sat in it?"

You paused, for a moment, before saying, "You couldn't. But, you could have given it to me when I asked."

"And then we wouldn't be here," he explained, now fully grinning, "-and wouldn't that just be such a bore."

Your eyes swam over his face a moment, Patrick Verona. And his dumb persistence. And his stupid handsome face-

God.

You let out a long sigh, picking around at your food. Eyes watching the swirl of your fork, you debate a few different things to say. Finally, after a few spare seconds, you made up your mind.

"Yeah," you hum, flickering your eyes up to his, "-it would."

Patrick grinned, big and bright and twinkly (you felt your heart skip a beat in your chest). His eyes, the deep brown that if you weren't careful you could stare at for way too long, were soft but still sort of happy, eager. Definitely eager.

And maybe, just maybe, you could get used to-

"I told you I could work on the 'stranger' thing," he suddenly said, smirking, "-You never should've doubted me."

"What?" You raised an eyebrow, confused.

"You said-" Patrick explained, "-you don't give your name out to strangers. And I said I could work on that part-"

You level a look at him.

"-And look, I did," he continued, before adding with a smirk, "-I have successfully escaped the cavernous barrier, deeper than the ocean I'd say, that walls you off from any poor soul who wishes to know you-"

"You're really pushing it, Verona," you chime back, fiery (but not quite all the way).

"What?" He raised his eyebrows, like he said nothing at all to warrant the reaction, "-You can't tell me that it's not like pulling teeth getting to know you. Or trying to anyway-"

You press your lips onto a flat line, "Wow, you must be a sort of masochist, then?

He faltered for a second, before laughing a little, "Oh absolutely, I chase the high of you ignoring me for 2 hours straight every day."

You rolled your eyes, biting down a smile, "I despise you."

"Better that than indifferent," he responded with ease, "-I prefer you feeling something rather than nothing at all."

"Oh my god-"

It continued like that, a back and forth, as you finish eating your mediocre cafeteria lunch. The silence is sparse but not uncomfortable when Patrick isn't running his mouth, that is. It was nice. Insanely nice. You'd probably never had as much fun on this campus as you did with him, just in general, but...

"Same time Wednesday?" He poses with a cheeky grin, leaning onto one hand against the table -closer to you than before.

You felt something warm swirl into your stomach, as your eyes flickered over his face. He was still smiling, like he wasn't able to stop when he was here with you. And something in you never wanted to see it go away anyway.

So, with a slight head tilt and a brighter grin than what you'd let slip past all day, you repeated.

"Same time Wednesday."

[bulkyphrase]

De-Aged Steve Rogers - a fic rec list

Some of my favorite stories featuring Steve (and sometimes others) turned into a child or younger adult.

Chase All The Clouds From The Sky by written by IndigoNight, with podfic read by reena_jenkins (@jeminamoonnight, @reena-jenkins) (Gen, General Audiences, 15,421 words)

Summary: Magic is the worst. The Avengers are prepared to deal with a wide variety of crises, but an abruptly six-year-old Steve Rogers is not one of them. Especially not when their resident Rogers-expert is reluctant to cross the Winter Soldier-sized gap separating him from his miniaturized best friend.

5 Times an Avenger Realized They Don't Know Steve + 1 Time One Did by WendyDarling95 (@cap-is-bi) (Samsteve, Teen And Up Audiences, 22,876 words)

Summary: A witch sends Steve back mentally and physically to who he was in 1941, and now the Avengers are starting to realize that while they've known Captain America for years now, they may never have met Steve Rogers. Takes place in 2016 5 chapters of an Avenger realizing Steve is more than he seems + 1 where someone knows him very well

More below the cut!

Baby Steve Adventures by catty_the_spy (@cattythespy) (Gen, General Audiences, 2,955 words)

Summary: Captain America gets hit by a spell during a battle. The rest of the Avengers look after him. Also available as a podfic read by blackglass

The Adventures of Not-So-Baby Steve by catty_the_spy (@cattythespy) (Gen, General Audiences, 2,070 words)

Summary: Steve's adjusting to not being a baby. Everyone else is adjusting too.

Small, Not Stupid by @rsadelle (Gen, General Audiences, 346 words)

Summary: Bucky's not going to let the kid fall - even if it weren't a tiny version of his former best friend, he wouldn't do that - but he's not real thrilled about having a small version of his former best friend - who he hasn't seen in seventy years - clinging to him.

The Kids Weren’t Alright by lettered (@letteredlettered) (Gen, Teen And Up Audiences, 56,199 words)

Summary: Tony accidentally turns himself into a twelve-year-old using alien tech. Steve is stuck as bodyguard, Bruce is stuck trying to fix him, and Pepper is stuck trying to ward off a twelve-year old’s attempts at flirtation. And then things go from bad to worse.

For I Am Crystal Chrome by IamShadow21, kath_ballantyne (@iamshadow21) (Gen, Teen And Up Audiences, 8,116 words)

Summary: “Don't touch that,” he forces out, his throat as rough as gravel. “Don't.” “Okay,” the person says, and doesn't try to pull out of Tony's grasp. “Okay, I won't.” Tony sucks in a sharp breath and opens his eyes. “You're American. The terrorists got you, too?” The man he's holding on to is young, very young. He's slender and frail looking with a pale, wan face, and Tony would know him anywhere. “Terrorists?” Steve Rogers asks, with confusion. “Oh shit, I really am dead, and there's an afterlife, and it sucks,” Tony moans.

Mixed-Ages Classroom by harcourt (@haforcere) (Gen, Not Rated, 5,114 words)

Summary: For this prompt, where the Avengers are de-aged, but to different ages; Clint & Tony to young children (below 10), Bruce to a toddler (whose tantrums involve hulking out to bb!hulk), Natasha & Steve back to teenagers (with scrawny!Steve). In which Hulk is a baby, Natasha and Steve know they aren't real teenagers, Clint and Tony behave badly, and Maria Hill is not a parent but Coulson might be. Also available as a podfic read by blackglass

The Tactical Applications of Caramel Apples and Ring-Tailed Lemurs by @caffienekitty (Gen, General Audiences, 2,342 words)

Summary: Loki de-ages Captain America. This is not the best idea he's ever had, but he can work with it.

Meet Tomorrow If You Choose by Dira Sudis (@dsudis) (Samsteve, Explicit, 9,440 words)

Summary: "Not quite like the other me, huh," Steve said, because there was no point pretending. "Nah, actually I was thinking I can see it," Sam said. "The way you stand--you project, you know? Like in a way you really always were the big guy, just your body took a while to catch up."

De-Aged Steve Rogers by @sabrecmc (Stony, Not Rated, 8,458 words)

Summary: Steve gets de-aged and clings to Tony

Second Childhood by @navaan (Stony, General Audiences, 2,006 words)

Summary: Steve and Tony get de-aged and it brings some problems, but maybe it gives them a chance to start over.

Smells Like Teen Spirit by @jenthesweetie (Stony, Teen And Up Audiences, 7,363 words)

Summary: Because that’s what the magic explosion had done: it had turned all of his friends into hormonal, pimpled, unbelievably obnoxious teenagers. When he called Fury to ask for advice, Fury laughed, hung up on him, called him back just to laugh some more, and then said, “If nobody’s dying, Stark, I really don’t care” and hung up again. Tony wondered vaguely who he had pissed off, besides all the usual suspects. This felt more as though he’d pissed somebody off in, like, a cosmic way.

Clint Barton And The Adventures In Terror Twin Rearing by @attackofthezee (General Audiences, 3,074 words, No Archive Warnings Apply)

Summary: “Maybe it’s aliens.” Steve hisses at Barnes. “Aliens don’t look like people Steve.” Barnes says with all the surety of an eleven year old. And ho boy, does Clint kind of want to introduce this version of these two to Thor. In which Steve and Bucky are somehow turned into their ten and eleven year old selves and Clint Barton is somehow nominated to take care of them. It goes about as well as can be expected. Also available as a podfic read by quietnight (@quietnighty)

They Could Never Be the Same by ABrighterDarkness (@alwaysabrighterdarkness) (Thundershield, Teen And Up Audiences, 1,234 words)

Summary: The situation at hand being a magically-miniaturized Steve Rogers who had hardly spoken a word but followed either Thor or Natasha around like a tiny shadow ever since they’d been released from Medical. SHIELD medical were, of course, every bit as shocked to have the Avengers show up en masse to deliver an apparently four-year-old Captain America to get checked over.

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU Drabble - Preparations

Hello!

So. I had an idea :3 That is usually how these start :3

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

Are you guys ready? So some cute shenanigans? You better be :3 ( Also, @spotaus Get in here! :D) Timeline wise? Like... early summer to mid summer ish.

*-------------------*

Nightmare looks for his target and sees is rather quickly between the different stalls. He rushes over and looks up at the woman mannign the stand. She is very familiar to for a very good reason.

Toriel smiles at him "Well hello there. Where are your fathers?"

Ngihtmare shurgs " 'Ror is arround." Next he lays some of his allowance on the stand "The best flowers I can get please."

He went with Horror today with a mission after all. It is still early as Horror left to go to the market with Crop to get some stuff for their farms. Nightmare had been quick to tag along.

He needed these flowers for a very important plan.

Toriel smiles "oh? Are you buying flowers for someone you like?"

Nightmare shakes his skull. As if. He doubts Error would even like flowers.

Toriel waits with a pleasant smile "I can't pick out the best flowers if i don't know what you need them for."

Nightmare frowns. damn. He glances over his shoulder and doesn't see Horror anywhere near. Okay. Good. He got time.

Nightmare rubs his hands as he mutters "Is for dads... for... date night..." Not that they know yet they are having a date night today.

As Nightmare mentioned. He has plans and they are very important.

Toriel smiles "That is very sweet of you." she hums as she looks at which flowers she has available from her and her husbands farm. "Well, Roses are generally seen as the more romantic flowers."

Nightmare considers the flowers but frowns at the price. He doesn't have a lot of pocket money and he still needs to get some other things too... But they deserve the best of the best! And according to the romantic books he read before that environment is important for dates!

Toriel smiles "However... Your dads are more on the practical side aren't they?"

Nightmare frowns as he thinks. Horror probably. Dust is more of a minimalist. Killer likes havign stuff but he also always uses it. Cross is almost more of a minimalist.

But... does that mean they don't like it? Or are just used to having little?

Toriel smiles as she waves at the many flowers in the stall "Sunflwoers are very pretty too."

Nightmare pulls a face. a memory from long ago. Villagers giving Dream sunflowers and telling him about how sunflowers always turn towards the sun. How it is only fitting for such a bright and sunny person like Dream.

He shakes his skull.

Toriel's voice shocks him out of his memories as she offers other flower ideas.

Toriel smiles as she holds up another flower. it is a beautiful light pink and it is a cluster of smaller flowers all packed together in a sphere shape.

Toriel smiles "A winner I see? These are hortensia's. I find them rather beautiful myself. Do you think these will do?"

Nightmare considers it and nods. They are pink and pink and red are aparently romantic colours. The flowers look nice and will look nice and full even with only a few of them! Making for a nice bouquet on the table!

Toriel nods as she starts to pack the flowers up and Nightmare waits patiently.

"Oh thank everything!" Nightmare yelps as he is suddenly removed from the ground. Nightmare shoots a glare at the skeleton holding him.

Crop smiles "Horror has been beside himself looking for you. Don't just run off in the market Ngihtmare." he smiles at Toriel "Sorry for interupting."

Toriel looks amused "It is alright. Though I would appreciate you putting my customer back down." Nightmar enods in agreement.

Crop glances at Nightmare before he looks at the stall "oh... Hey it is okay if you wanted to get flowers. I am sure Horror would love to get them for you."

Nightmare shakre shis skull as he huffs "No." That wasn't part of the plan! Nightmare had been planning this carefully!

Crop looks confused before looking at toriel. Toriel just crosses her arms as she speaks with a smile "Sorry Crop. I don't talk about what my customers order with other customers." she moves around with confidence as she packs his order.

Crop sighs but nods "alright alright. I get it. No need to gang up on me." and crop moves him back to the ground. Ngihtamre grins once he stands with both feet on the ground again.

Crop frowns at him "Horror doesn't want you walking around too much though."

Nightmare rolls his eyelights "I am fine." and he turns back to Toriel just as she hands him the wrapped flowers. the brwon wrapping makes sure nothing is visible and he smiles "Thank you Miss Toriel."

Toriel blinks in surprise before smiling "It was a pleasure to finally meet you Nightmare. Come by anytime okay?" she grabs the money and puts it away.

when Ngihtamre turns back to look at Crop he sees him quickly tapping his phone. Crop sees him look and grins "Telling Horror that I foudn you."

Nightmare did feel bad about that. He didn't mean to worry Horror. It just took longer than he thought it would to find the right stall. He knows the farmers market by now but it still takes longer than Ngihtmare would like to find the stalls and people he is searching for.

Still he walks back with Crop towards somewhere. It doesn't take long for Nightmare to spot Horror and he feels many times worse. Horror looks so worried. Nightmare quickly leaves Crop's side and joins his dad's again.

Hroror is quick to pick him up as he nuzzles him gently "don't do that... please..."

Nightmare pusehs close to Horror and tugs his skull right under his chin. It always feels safe "sorry. didn't mean to scare you."

Horror chuckles and nuzzles his skull "Will always be scared something hurts you."

Nightmare purrs as he snuggles close.

Crop joins them and sighs in relieve "Oh thank god. He just left my side again. luckily it was just to get back to you quicker."

Hroror nods and finally spots the package Nightmare has with him "what is that?"

Ngihtmare hides the package behind him "nothing..."

Horror snorts nad chuckles as he bonks their skulls softly together "alright. keep your secrets." Nightmare grins back.

Crop and Horror take a moment to calm down and check both their lists of nessesary things. Nightmare knows they are here to get more of those growth guide things for the grape vines and Horror got those first thing so he wouldn't forget.

Crop ends up having to meet up with some other farmers and Horror turns to Nightmare "Did you want to get anything?" Horror gives avery pointed look at the package in Nightmare's arm.

Nightmare hums and nods as he swings his legs, comfortable still being held in Horror's arms "wanted to get some fruits strawberries." that was the only ingredient he didn't have yet for his surprise.

Horror tilts his skull but nods as he glances around before starting to walk into the right direction. Nightmare is happy Horror didn't put him down yet. His back aches a little and he will need to rest it up a bit if he wants to complete his surprise without worrying any of them.

They get to the right stall and Horror lets Ngihtmare make his purchase. Horror tries to pay for him but Nightmare refuses! this is part of his surprise! He gets the things needed! Horror just shot him another curious look but seemed more amused than anything. Still, he lets him pay for the things and they walk back to meet up with Crop and drive back home.

Well. Horror walks. Nightmare is sitll being carried.

suddenly out of nowhere Horror nuzzles his skull again and Nightamre can't help but purr and lean into the contact.

Horror mumbles softly to him "It is okay if you want to get things... but you aren't an adult remember? You are our babybones. it is okay to let us take care of you."

Nightmare nods and snuggles close "I know." and that is why he is doing this. It is why the surprise has to be perfect.

They finally get home and Dust takes the chance to give him a bath and get his bandages cleaned. They still mostly do it at night but they had been trying to see how his spine was handling things and trying to go a bit longer with bandages as long as they were clean.

In the end the others go outside to work on the farm. Dust makes sure to leave him in their nest with some homework.

Nightmare doesn't complain about it. No today he needs time alone to work on his plan.

Dust immediantly notices of course and shoots him a look "Is something wrong?"

Nightmare shakes his skull "I am fine."

Dust looks uncertain as he looks back at the exit the others had already left through "I cna stay wiht you if you would like that?"

Nightmare actually would like that. a lot. after the whole school thing Ngihtmare didn't like being alone. but it was important he did this! And today he had to do it!

And it is fine! He is at home. in their nest. with all their things and no one ever comes here and the others will keep a close eye on him!

Ngihtmare shakes his skull "It is okay. You can help them." and he tries to smile for the other.

Dust sighs but gives in with a nod "We will stay close okay? Give a shout and we will be here within seconds." Dust gives him a nuzzle and goes after the others.

Nightmare grabs his homework and works on it for a bit. Just to make sure that if any of them check on him it looks like he isn't doing anything he shouldn't be doing.

Like... leaving the nest...

He finishes most of the stuff that he still had to do and glances at the window. Nothing there. He inches out of the nest and uses a reading chair to sneak a look out of the window. He sees Killer and cross at work on the upper level near the grape plants. Which emans that horror and dust are on one of the lower levels, probbaly.

The plan. is a go.

Nightmare feels himself grin as he grabs a vase and fills it with water. he carefully carries it upstairs and looks around.

The ground is still clean and the small window lets in fresh air and light. the spare fairylights light up the space nicely and the small radio is still on the tiny side table.

The main table, more like a small round table honeslty, still has four chairs and Nightmare grins as he walks over and puts the vase carefully on top. Next he grrabs the package of flowers nad puts them in the vase. perfect!

Nightmare takes a few steps back and looks his hard work of the past few days over. It is hard to sneak this by them but it is going really well! He grabs his diary and checks the list he made for this plan. Okay. He set up the table for the romantic dinner. check.

He glances to the side where he used the spare stuff for winter to make a second nest. He nods to himself and checks the bed stuff.

Look. Nightmare isn't an idiot. He used to be an adult! or at least have na adult body. He heard what people said about what they did in privacy and with those they liked. So. Obviously. bed for... bed stuff.

Ngihtamre feels himself blush adn grow embarresed as he quickly moves to the next stuff. Romantic decoration? The fairy lights and the flowers. check again! the right mood? He got the radio right there and he had found a channel that played a lot of love songs. check again.

Now. The hardest and most complex part of this plan. Getting the food ready for this date!

Nightmare clsoes his diary and nods to himself. he tugs the glitter pen back in the pen clip on the journal and make shis way back downstairs. he waits a moment and checks the window again. Everyone is still by the grapes so that still gives him time!

He gets to the kitchen and moves the chairs around until they are in the right places. Just to make sure he doesn't have to climb up and down the whole time, that is the stuff that is actually hard for his spine.

Next he grabs everything he needs and gets to work.

Trying to think of a romantic meal had been hard. Mostly because most dishes were a bit too complex for him to make on his own.

Whcih was because they hid all the knives and put the larger things out fo reach for him. You try to make some food yourself once and suddenly you are banned from the kitchen because you hurt yourself.

Nightmare is better aware of his limits now though so he has full confidence he can do this.

He grabs the bread and veggies and gets to work. He first puts some wood into the old oven and lights it up carefully. This will heat it up nicely. He stays right by the side to make sure it works the way it should but Nightmare used to cook with one of these himself and he has seen Horror use it. Once it does exactly what it should Nightmare gets to work on prepping the dough and veggies.

The dough is luckily something he made the day before. sneakily while the others were cleaning stuff up. it wasn't hard and it has been resting in the fridge.

It is nice and floofy and he splits them before making tiny balls and flattening them. He grabs the veggies and gets to work on cutting them.

Look just because they hid the knives doesn't mean they hid them well enough.

Next the sauce. which is just a pot. and the cheese, which he shreds and puts in a tiny bowl.

All the pieces are in place.

He spreads the sauce on the dough and puts veggies on top. lastly the cheese and tada! Tiny pizzas... or is it just pizza bread kinda deal?

doesn't matter. He puts them in the oven adn gets ready for part two!

The dessert!

He grabs the fresh strawberries. removes the little leaves and cuts them right down the middle. He doesn't have anything fancy planned for dessert but it will do!

Next he grabs the ice cream from the freezer and makes four nice bowls. first three scoops of vanilla ice cream, thank you Crop and Straw. Next he puts the strawberries all over it. then some whipped cream.

Nightmare nods, content with a job well done! He moves them back into the fridge to keep them cool and hoepfully the ice cream doesn't melt too quickly. He also has chocolate syrup for Cross but he knows Killer doesn't like chocolate all that much.

All the pieces are in place. Now it is time to wait for everything to finish and then he can move it up.

--

The door downstairs opens and Nightmare grins as he places the last few bowls in place. He rushes towards the small radio and turns it on, keeping it low volume for now to make sure they don't hear downstairs.

"Nightmare?!" Cross sounds worried.

Nightmare hums and answers "upstairs." He quickly goes towards the light switch adn turns it off. only leaving the light of the fairylights and the sunset through the window the light the place. he goes back to the table and lights the candles as he hears footsteps come up.

He grins as he stands before the table wiht his arms wide.

THe door opens and Cross spots him and a clear look of relieve on his face. Then his face turns to shock as he looks around the room "What?"

Killer joins his side a moment later and stares in shock himself "what?"

Nightmare grins "It is datenight." he makes sure to make it sound like a fact. Because it is a fact!

Cross and Killer both blink. look at each other confused. then look back at him and speak in unison "what?"

Nightmare snrots and puffs up his chest a bit "It is datenight. You four are dating. Datemates have dates. which happen on datenights. You four haven't had a datenight yet. so. datenight!" easy!

Cross suddenly looks around much more shocked as he sputters. Killer grins and coos as he walks voer nad hugs him "Oh nighty. You didn't need to do that!"

Dust and Horror join them upstairs to see what is going on and take in the room themselves.

Nightmare huffs "I so did. You haven't been on a date yet. so. date." he waves behind him "I also made myself some food. It is in the fridge. I am going downstairs and eat and watch my bat movie adn you guys can do datenight." easy!

Horror chuckles and walks over. he rubs his skull and Nightmare pushes his whole head nad face into the gentle touches.

"We appreciate it. but we are happy to be with you. We can move it downstairs and-"

Nightmare pulls back and shakes his skull "no! Datenight up here. Date only includes the ones who are dating. you four." he wiggles and luckily Killer puts him down.

Nightmare looks around once more. everything still looks perfect. before giving them a nod and walking towards the exit of the attic "have fun!" and he leaves his dads on their datenight.

As siad he goes downstairs and gets his own hidden food out. He crawls into the nest after putting his new favourite movie on. Ngihtmare grabs Dust's hoody and puts it on before pulling the blanket Error gave him for his brithday close.

It takes abit of moving around but he ends up comfortable against the pillows with Batsie by his side. wrapped in his blanket with his meal in his lap.

Nightmare grabs the remote before turning on the movie.

He eats his meal slowly. feeling tired after the whole day. or well week.

He had been planning this for a while and aparently with the nerves for making it perfect and the excitement to surprise them leaving he is just tired.

He yawns and ends up putting his half finished meal on the side table for now. He rolls up more with Batsie and watches the movie as the narrator talks about the wonderful world of the bats that live in the jungle.

--

He wakes up sleepy and grumpy. What? where?

He blinks and sees that Cross is holding him close very gently.

Wait that can't be right... why isnt'that right?

Cross notices he is awake and shoots him a very large and happy smile "Hey there baby... how are you feeling? Feeling hungry?"

Ngihtamre blinsk adn shakes his skull. he isn't hungry. just tired. he yawns before trying to glare at Cross. he wasn't suposed to be here... right? He had a plan...

Man he is tired.

Cross smiles and laughs softly before nuzzling him "Thank you for setting everything up for us. We had a blast."

Nightmare frowns as he looks around confused. the others are in their nest again. his plate is gone and the tv is silent. it is still clearly night outside. that doesn't make sense. he made them a nest upstairs! He figured they would... spend the night there. He looks at Cross "But... upstairs?"

Cross chuckles and nuzzles Ngihtmare "oh baby. We much prefer to be here with you when we sleep than not. of course we come actually sleep with you after our date ended." a soft kiss to his skull and softer "But no setting up dates anymore okay? We will figure that out ourselves."

Nightmare yawns and he snuggles clsoe. feeling tired "Wanted you to... have fun..." he nuzzles Cross, purring at the familiar feeling of safety and warmth "You are always busy with me... wanted you to just have fun..." he is always distracting them or something... He wants them to have fun too.

Cross hums and just holds him closer "We love taking care of you nighty. It makes us happy to be with you."

Something in him relaxes as he just melts fully against Cross.

Cross coos and nzuzles him again "Now back to sleep with you. tiny babybones need their rest. especially after they spend a long time setting up a perfect surprise."

his soul feels light after the praise and affection each word carries. He yawns and lets himself drift off again.

*-------------------*

First Drabble Prev Drabble Next Drabble

[kthasnow]

The Golden Pearl Necklace.

president!snow | arranged marriage.

warning: probably not proof read, english is not my first language, this is one of my first writing in tumblr.

summary: your husband is throwing a big party for the big politicians and celebrities to attend. your husband had left earlier so you stood alone and ate the desserts that are available. until a tall - handsome, polite gentleman approached you and gave you a necklace.

2.1K words

﹏ゞ ˖ ࣪⊹

It's a wonderful evening in the capitol, the night was decorated with fireworks, laughter can be heard from inside of the president mansion's ground. A party was ongoing - Coriolanus decided to throw a party to celebrate the results of the gold mining project that's been going on for 6 months that exceeded his expectations. It's also for him to connect with the politicians in the capitol. He's a new president after all.

The theme for tonight is; ‘golden bling’, so you decided to wear your silky white dress with a drape on the front of your chest - that has a bit of a wet touch to it. Then you added a golden corset; with a carved sun symbol in the middle of it and beads of tiny pearls and diamonds that surround the sun itself.

You liked this dress, very much so. For you have looked at yourself countless times in the mirror; admiring the way the corset hugs your waist. You can't blame yourself; this is your first time trying ‘capitol people's clothing'. The dress gives you a touch of magnetic aura.

It's the first ever party that Coriolanus has thrown since he was president and it was your first ever capitol party.

Wearing your custom shoes that are made especially from you - louboutin inspired with tiger skin on it, you walked down the steps from the president's mansion to the main area of the party. Clutching your golden purse that's been glimmering since the moment you step into the party. All eyes were on you. You wondered where Coriolanus was - not wanting to deal with all of these politicians by yourself, but Coriolanus had entered the party earlier than you.

You had no choice but to wander around the party - avoiding any eye contact and conversation as you can. These people aren't worth your time, you thought. To avoid looking like a lost cat, you walked to one of the tables with foods on display. Grabbing one or three cupcakes slowly from time to time.

But still you were - attracting attention from everyone there. You're the first lady of Panem after all. Though - nobody dared to approach you, not when you've been using your sharp glances and with no Coriolanus besides you. That's what you thought. Not until a voice made you flinch; a tad bit.

“Good evening,” You turn around and you see a tall gentleman - his deep brown skin looks glazed under the golden warm lightning of the party, wearing a white suit with a golden tie that strangely matches your white dress and golden corset. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion - ‘Am I supposed to know him?’ ‘Does he know me?’ ‘Should I talk to him?’ That was all the thoughts that came into your head.

Looking at your almost stiff and confused facial expressions. The gentleman laughed and took a tiny step back to give you some space. “Forgive me, am I making you uncomfortable?” He’d asked politely with his voice - soft after he saw you loosened up. You - still feeling the awkwardness that surrounds you both, chuckled to break your own tension. “No,” You shake your head while smiling. You didn’t know what to do. You’re new to all of these - ‘making connections’ things.

But having watched how Coriolanus would greet and socialize, you smiled and said; “Not at all, no” He smiled hearing that. “Ah yes, I haven’t even introduced myself – uhm, forgive me.” He said before wiping both of his hands on his suit - seemingly wiping his sweat. “You're more beautiful than what I've seen - that's why i'm a bit nervous,” He whispered underneath his breath - and you cocked one of your eyebrows, smiling faintly, seeing you smile - he smiled sweetly in return.

“I am Adamu, Pierre Adamu.” He said while extending his hand to shake yours. You raised your eyebrows and put down your half eaten blueberry scone on your tiny plate that's placed on the dessert table.

You nodded down. “Oh yeah,” when he saw that you didn't shake his hand, he pulled his hand back into his pocket. “What is?...” You trailed off while looking at him with your raised eyebrows. “Ah yes,” He said before clearing his throat. “Before this, I'm gonna’ say that I've been… interested in you for a while,” your eyebrows furrowed and you tilted your head - waiting for him to continue.

“I meant your outfits! You're a trend-setter, Mrs. Snow. I've seen you countless times in the papers, magazines…” Pierre's eyes met yours again, then he bit down on his lower lip. “You see, Mrs. Snow, I've seen your outfits - it's not a secret that almost every one of your outfits are custom made for you,”

“I've seen the custom outfits you'd request, the patterns, the fabric, even the design - the drawings on it. It's very… authentic, unique, original. You seem to like cultural clothing that's simple, elegant with a traditional touch,” He spoke all of that while gradually closing the distance between the both of you - slowly.

“I'm launching a clothing and accessory brand, it's very - how can I say it; high end. And don't you worry, when it launches… It will be one of the greatest brands in fashion history,” You kept on listening with your ears wide open. Leaning in a bit.

“Because…” He paused, looking at you with his eyes half lidded - gaze going up and down your body, from head to toe. Then back again at your eyes. “Because you'll be the face of my brand.” He suddenly announced and your eyes widened hearing that.

You let out a choked laugh before you managed to say; “Me? As the face of your brand?,” He nodded, licking the corner of his lips - blinking once or twice.

“Yes, the deal will be adjusted to your liking. And believe me, Mrs. Snow, we are willing to do anything, for you to agree,” Then it dawns upon you, ah this is real. “Well I have to talk with Mr. President” You said slowly and he gave you an understanding look.

“Whatever it is that you want…” He trailed off lowly. Something behind the tone of his voice is wanting something more. In a sudden - his right hand stretched out and tucked a strand of your hair behind your left ear. His eyes met yours, locking the contact.

You both stood there in silence, his fingers still grazing the back of your ear. “Golden Spanish inspired earrings with… rubies?” He asked, breaking the awkwardness, you processed what he had just said and finally laughed. “Everything's correct, except it's not rubies…” You leaned in to whisper in his ear “It's red diamonds.” Pierre then smiled and shook his head slightly. “Ah! Forgive me, it seems like my eyes aren't working properly tonight!”

We both chuckled until it came to an end. When the awkward silence started to kick in again, he cleared his throat. “Well, Mrs. Snow, I'll be waiting for your answer. But please understand that you're the face that the brand needs, you stand out, beautiful, exotic, matter of fact you're nothing like I've ever seen before —” “Alright alright.” You stopped him with your hand on his chest. But you didn't notice that until he looked down on your hand.

“Oh, forgive me,” You exclaimed, but before you could pull back your hand, he wrapped his own hand around your wrist - gently.

“No need... Mrs. Snow,” He took a deep breath and he didn't let go of my wrist just yet. “Listen eh? I have something for you,” Pierre whispered breathily as his other hand took out a card from his pocket and placed it on your hand that he's holding, after that, he let go.

“Contact me,” You nodded politely. “And, this” He cooed as he took another thing out of his pocket, it's a box. He opened it slowly, it's a necklace, a golden pearl necklace. “A thank you gift, for…” He cleared his throat “Well actually, I just wanted to give you something,”

I raised my eyebrows - “Turn around for me, will you? I'll put it on for you,” You froze, you thought this gesture was sweet. Maybe, a bit maybe, you can loosened up in this party. It's a party after all, right?

But you guessed you took too long to reply because you saw Pierre swallowing thickly and looking down towards the ground. “Sorry, I crossed a line didn't I? –” You quickly shake your head and willingly turn around. Moving your hair so it exposes your nape.

You can hear him chuckling - then you feel his whisper brushing against your ear. “Excuse me.” He proceeded to gently and slowly put on the pearl necklace making you smile even if it's faint.

Then he guides you and turns you around, he looks at you - the necklace - then back at you again. “It suits you, just like what I imagined.” He gives your shoulders a squeeze – then —

“You’re good at imagining, I see. I'm sure she's prettier than what you've imagined?,” You heard the familiar voice coming from your right and a cold hand wrapping itself around your waist. It's your husband - Coriolanus.

“Ah, yes, she is.” you see Pierre nod down and smile while taking a step back. “I've taken good care of her for her to look this good, is that right my love?,”

'My love?’ hearing that, you gritted your teeth. You didn't want to reply, not really. You didn't know what to say in social events like this - Coriolanus didn't coach you before this, so you didn't know how to act around him, how to talk, what to say – but the way he gazes at you is like he's telling you to go along with what he says.

“Hm?” Coriolanus would lean in to you, urging you to answer as his finger draws circles on the side of your waist. “Mhm” you replied - nodding while taking a sharp inhale.

“Hm,” Coriolanus hums and smiles, flashing me his teeth before he looks back towards Pierre. “Mr. Adamu, I can't help but listen to the conversation that my wife had with you,” And Pierre raises his eyebrows while blinking once or twice - tensing up and then nodding.

“I'm afraid I have to decline your offer, as her husband, is that alright with you Mr. Adamu?,” Coriolanus would smile with his eyes while saying so, his hand still lingering on your waist. Even with your corset - you can feel his touch burning through your skin.

“It… it would be a shame, but, I understand, thank you, for your time.” Pierre said casually, smiling, bowing down then walking away - his eyes met yours once more before he completely blended into the crowd.

“What was that?” You quickly asked while you threw your sharp glance at Coriolanus - your tone is not exactly gentle. “What was what?” Coriolanus lets go of your waist. “Since when did you start listening?” But Coriolanus didn't reply, so you stayed silent.

He walked towards the dessert display table, grabbing your half bite blueberry scone, leaning back on the table. He examined the scone as you changed the topic; “I think it would be lovely for me to be the face of his brand.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Really?.” He looks at you - giving you a curious look; because you both know that that isn't the reason why you're a bit pissed off now.

You sighed - “You dismissed him without asking my opinion, you can't do that –” “But I can.” You paused from his sudden intrusion - one of your eyes twitching. “I do not allow you.” You glare at him. “Well I do not allow you to not allow me, is that clear?,” this time you didn't reply - because he took a bite of the scone while closing the distance between the both of you. Towering over you, his jaw clenching.

You did not cower from his gaze, your eyebrows almost knitting together, gritting your teeth - he took another bite of the blueberry scone and as he chewed, he leaned in and whispered. “Behave,” one of his hands slithered up from your chest to your exposed collarbone. “Be the first lady that you are.”

Then he leaned back, giving you a smile before he brought the rest of the scone to your lips. “Open for me my love,” you were - overwrought. But you can feel everyone's gazes practically burning on you. And so you smiled back and let him hand feed the scone to you. “Thank you.” You'd say bitterly - hiding it with a smile.

“Even if you asked me to split the moon into two, I'll do it for you.” He spoke while stroking your collarbone. You nearly scoffed at his charade.

Oh, what a great cunning snake of a man your husband is.

﹏ゞ ˖ ࣪⊹

[alexihollis]

That Would Be Enough (Ajax's POV)

Link to Swan's POV

There had been many times where Ajax was worried that her girlfriend's thoughts were veering closer to the "murder my girlfriend in her sleep" territory than "I love her even when she annoys the crap out of me." Most of those times involved Ajax either picking a stupid fight, going against orders from Cleon, or risking getting sent to jail.

Considering that Ajax just chose option D: all of the above, yes, Ajax was very concerned about the objectively terrifying look on Rembrandt's face right now. And that was only with one eye available, the other being hidden behind a bag of frozen peas. Which was the only first aid Cleon offered while Swan got the whole damn aid kit and Mercy fussing over her in the damn bathroom! All Ajax got was the wobbly kitchen table chair.

While Rembrandt stood menacingly a little ways off, Cleon took a seat at the table, arm propped up and rubbing at her face. "Ajax. What the fuck just happened."

"A fight." Because Ajax was nothing if not stubborn.

"No, it fucking wasn't!" Ajax absolutely did not jump when Cleon slammed her hand on the table, turning a fierce, furious glare on her. "Whatever happened down there? That was not a fight!"

"Then what would you call it?" Ajax snarked.

Cleon's glare somehow sharpened. "I'd call that you deciding to beat up on my number two. And I don't take very kindly to people beating up on mine."

Ajax's stomach sank. That sounded...that sounded not good.

That sounded like being jumped out.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Cleon-" Rembrandt's voice was shaky, but she cut herself off when Cleon raised her hand.

"What. Happened?" Cleon repeated herself.

Ajax ground her teeth.

"Now."

"Swan promised she'd get us home alive," Ajax finally bit out. Cleon's brow furrowed, confused. "She didn't."

"What do you-?" Cleon stopped as realization dawned. Her eyes closed and she took a deep breath, "Fox."

Ajax didn't say anything.

Cleon's eyes opened again, clearer now. "So. What is this exactly? Some sort of vengeance? Punish Swan because the cops killed Fox?"

Well.

When she put it that way...

"You gonna turn on me next?" Cleon continued. "I made us go uptown with no weapons, knowing the other gangs didn't give one lick about us."

"You didn't-"

"Hell, if we're really trying to determine who has the most blame, what about you?" Cleon asked.

"Stop."

"I mean, if you hadn't picked that fight in the park, you would have easily beat the cops to Union Square, right?" Cleon asked. "And, if you didn't, who honestly would have stayed behind to fight?"

"Cleon," Rembrandt sounded queasy.

"So, if we're going by your logic, aren't you the one to blame for Fox dying?"

Hot tears were rolling down Ajax's face, the fucking traitors. The faster she wiped them away, though, the faster they came, in higher quantities, until she could barely make out Cleon sitting in front of her. The older woman sighed and Ajax heard the scrape of metal on linoleum as she scooted her chair closer, before pulling Ajax in for a hug. Ajax buried her face in Cleon's shoulder, feeling the rough leather and patches of her vest.

"Fox's death isn't your fault," Cleon said, her voice steady and calming. "She wanted to protect the others and that cop- It happens. It fucking sucks, but you went through something very similar that night and I am so, so grateful that cop didn't take you away from us, too."

After a few minutes, when Ajax's breathing calmed and her brain felt less fuzzy, Cleon pulled away slightly, holding Ajax's shoulders tight. Her eyes were watery.

"I know how you feel," Cleon said. "It kills me that Fox died and there is a part of me that will always know it is because I made the choice to go uptown that night. And I hate that while I was protected with Masai, you all were fighting for your damn lives. But so much of that was out of my control and yours. None of that was your fault." Cleon took a deep breath, "It also wasn't Swan's."

Aw, fuck.

"She already feels like shit about it," Cleon continued. "Did she even fight back?"

"I don't know," Ajax answered as honest as she could. The fight- whatever it was...it was a blur.

"Motherfucker," Cleon muttered, looking to the ceiling as her arms dropped. "I knew she wasn't- Goddamnit." Cleon shook her head, looking back at Ajax. "You are doing her jobs for a month and I don't want to hear a single complaint out of you."

"So you aren't gonna...jump me out?" Ajax asked.

"Oh, for fuck's- No!" Cleon exclaimed, looking back at Rembrandt who looked nearly boneless with relief. "Rem- No! No, I was not going to- Okay. I'm starting to feel like the bad guy, but it is reasonable for me to be angry when members of my gang randomly start beating each other."

"It wasn't random-"

"Ajax!" Rembrandt exclaimed.

Ajax shut up.

"Swan's jobs for a month," Cleon repeated. "You two are gonna avoid each other for a bit, a bit of space should help. And maybe don't got to Jenkins for like...a month."

Ajax blinked. "What, I'm not allowed to drink now?"

"No. Mercy works there now. I would also advise you avoid her," Cleon said. "She hasn't had enough exposure to you to get attached. We might actually find you in the ocean if you don't."

"I could take her." Because Ajax would always be Ajax.

"Yeah, uh, sure. Let's just say I have no clue how she earned her name," Cleon said.

With that, Cleon sent her and Rembrandt on their way back to the apartment they shared with Cochise and Cowgirl. It was a tense walk, Rembrandt saying nothing until they closed their apartment door behind them, Cochise and Cowgirl off on some errand or another.

"Rem-"

"Cleon would have been well within her rights to jump you out, you realize that, right?" Rembrandt wasn't looking at Ajax, her voice hollow as she stared off into the apartment, leaning against their door.

Ajax swallowed before nodding, shoving her hands into her pockets. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

"What would we have done, then?" Rembrandt asked, now looking at her with wide, hopeless eyes. "What would we do without the Warriors? We can't afford rent, we have no family, we have nothing without them, we almost died without them."

Ajax preferred to not remember their pre-Warrior days.

"You keep telling me things are gonna be different," Rembrandt continued. "But every time something happens, every time you feel something you don't want to feel, you start another fight. Now, it's landed you in jail, threatened your position in the gang- Ajax, I will follow you to the edge of the fucking Earth, you know that, but don't make me if we don't have to."

Fuck.

"I'm sorry," Ajax's voice was rough, hoarse. She held her hand out to Rembrandt, who took it, and pulled her in tight, burying her face in Rembrandt's curls. "I'm sorry. I won't. I promise. I won't do that to you."

And maybe Rembrandt didn't believe her in that moment, but Ajax would show her. Maybe Rembrandt couldn't believe another promise to her, but Ajax would make a promise to herself to stop scaring her girlfriend and that would have to be enough.

It would be enough.

[likeadevils]

Reputation Timeline

This is a very long post that puts all the songs on Reputation in order of Taylor creating them. I’ve also included a few other songs she worked on while writing rep and quotes from Taylor and her collaborators talking about her process.

If you don't want to read all that, check out this playlist of the album in order or this playlist of her entire discography.

I’ve also added this color coded scale of how sure I am of the date: 

Confirmed: There is some type of official source for the date

Inferring: Nobody has officially said “This is when we wrote it,” but all available evidence points to that date

Speculation: This date is based off pure vibes and guesswork and is highly likely to change.

Unknown: All that is known is the year (from the US Copyright Offices

February 13, 2015: Taylor's interview with Vogue is published (likely conducted on January 14/15).

"I don’t worry that I haven’t started the next record yet. I don’t worry that I don’t know what it’s going to be. I’m not worried that I have absolutely no timetable as to when it needs to be done. It could be two years from now; it could be three, it could be four. Or it could be one. You get these bursts of inspiration right at the moment you’re not expecting to. You just have to live your life, and hopefully you’ll take the right risks."

March 2, 2015: Taylor is photographed leaving a studio. (Note: I can not find a place that specifies if this is a recording studio, dance, photography, radio, or television studio).

May 20, 2015: Taylor's interview with Marie Claire is published (likely conducted two months beforehand).

Taylor is not even sure she'll have made another album by the time 2020 rolls around. "I'm not going to put out an album until I've made one that's better than this one and that's going to be really hard," she says. And how might her music evolve if she does find love? "If that does happen, I think I could find complexity in happiness," she says. "I don't think anything's ever simple. Just because you're happy in a relationship doesn't mean there aren't moments of confusion or frustration or loneliness or sadness. Hopefully, if I ever find some sort of meaningful relationship, I'll be able to still find inspiration, just through everyday ups and downs."

October 7, 2015: Taylor is photographed leaving a recording studio in New York.

November 13, 2015: Taylor's interview with Vogue Australia is published (likely conducted two months beforehand).

Every two years since 2006 she has released an album, followed by a tour, then moved onto the next one. But her latest album, 1989, might change plans a bit. “This album has produced more number ones than any album in the past, so we’re just going to go with it,” she says, going on to explain how the usual album cycle could be extended. “Then I’ll feel like I’ll need to give people a breather from me because at a certain point they’re going to get a little sick of hearing about me, so I’ll need to go away for a while then, depending on my gauge on how sick of me they are, I’ll decide when to put out the next album.” [...]  “I’ve been learning every single day what the right amount of sharing [of her personal life] is, and lately it’s been not natural because this album is such a snapshot of my life – it was so vivid, direct and honest.”

April 20, 2016: Taylor interview with Vogue is published (conducted in February).

So what the hell are you going to do with the rest of your life, Taylor Swift? “I have no idea,” she says, with a sigh that’s more blissful than anxious. “This is the first time in ten years that I haven’t known. I just decided that after the past year, with all of the unbelievable things that happened . . . I decided I was going to live my life a little bit without the pressure on myself to create something.” Do not freak: Swift is not abandoning making music. Those who know her know this is chemically impossible. (“Her not being creative is one of the last things I’d ever worry about,” the musician and producer Jack Antonoff tells me later.) “I’m always going to be writing songs,” Swift says. “The thing is, with me, I could very well come up with three things in the next two weeks and then jump back into the studio, and all of a sudden the next record is started. That’s an option, too.” But probably not for the moment.

August 29, 2016: Taylor writes in her diary "This summer is the apocalypse."

Gorgeous: Sep. 1-5, 16, 17, 19 (Confirmed)

In the Making of a Song video, Taylor is seen wearing this outfit in her Nashville apartment, which dates the song to September 17. From there, the rest of the dates are just math. 

King of My Heart: Sep. 6, 19, 20, 21 (Confirmed)

In the Making of a Song video, Taylor is seen wearing the same outfit in the Gorgeous video and the KOMH video. It's also the same outfit as a video she later posted to The Swift Life (RIP) where she talked about how excited she was to be working after a long break.

September 9, 2016: Gigi Hadid says "You know, [Taylor] is starting to go back to work in the studio again."

I Don't Wanna Live Forever: Early Oct. (Speculation)

In a teaser for the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen in an unfamiliar outfit (black mesh top) with bleached hair and a thin gold choker that she was fond of in October 2016. She is not wearing her silver J pendant, which she got as a 27th birthday present (Dec 13, 2016). IDWLF is the only song with no video footage that was written in 2016. I don't recognize the studio in the clip, but she recorded IDWLF with Jack Antonoff, who is based in New York. Taylor was on the east coast until October 22nd, and was seen in New York between October 11-13.

Delicate: Oct. 24-26 (Speculation)

Taylor is seen wearing the aforementioned thin gold choker,  with her post Sep. 24 haircut (straight across bangs instead of a side part). Since she normally goes into the studio with Max Martin and Shellback with a few ideas, and creates multiple songs during their sessions, I'm inclined to group this song with IDSB and place it in late October.

I Did Something Bad: Oct. 14, 27 (Confirmed)

In the Making of a Song video, at 4:18 you can spot a gold temporary tattoo on the inside of her wrist, similar to ones she was wore at Drake’s Birthday Party on October 23. Since she is seen working until sundown (She leaves LA on October 28) and had to be in Nashville 13 days priar (She was seen in New York City until the 13), October 14 and 27th are the only dates that make sense. 

January 3, 2017: Taylor writes in her diary "I get all scared about the future because so much has changed in the last year of my life. I mean this time last year I was living in LA, getting ready for Grammys and now, I’m essentially based in London, hiding out trying to protect us from the nasty world that just wants to ruin things. We have been together and no one has found out for 3 months now. I want it to stay that way because I don’t want anything about this to change or become too complicated or intruded upon. But it’s senseless to worry about someday not being happy when I am happy now. Ok. Breathe."

Don't Blame Me: Jan. 10, 11, 12 (Inferring)

Taylor is seen wearing a similar jacket as she was papped wearing on the 11th in the Making of a Song video. (This is pure speculation on my part, but the mood also seems to be a bit lower than on other days). We know she was in LA around this time “for work.”

Dancing With Our Hands Tied: Jan. 11 (Confirmed)

This post explains the situation pretty well. There are multiple accounts of what seems to be a similar story. January 11th one of two times she is seen leaving the gym after a long paparazzi dry spell, the other being in July. Seeing as the song is produced by Max Martin, who is located in LA, and the July pictures are in New York, I’m inclined to agree with the original source.

Dress: Late January/Early February 2017 (Speculation)

Jack Antonoff: “Dress is my second favorite [from Reputation]. It's the first one we made for it." Taylor was mostly based in London in early 2017, but there’s two times we know she was in the states. The first is in early January, when Taylor was in California working with Max Martin and Shellback. The second time is in late January/early February, when she was in Nashville preparing for Super Saturday Night. My guess is this was written in Late January, mostly because she was on the east coast, but theoretically she could've done it earlier in the month, or even later in the year.

Look What You Made Me Do: Late January/Early February 2017 (Speculation)

In promos for the Making of a Song Video, as well as in Miss Americana, Taylor is seen with straight hair and her J initial necklace (dating the song to post-Dec 13, 2016). Her hairstyle (the deep side part) is very Mid-2016. For most of 2017, she seems to favor the straight across braids with strands on the side. Long story short (ha), the hair makes me what to put this as early in the timeline as possible. We know Taylor was on the east coast (specifically Nashville) in early February, preparing for Super Saturday Night.

New Years Day: 2017 (Unknown)

There isn’t any footage of this, but Jack Antonoff has said that it came together fairly quickly and unexpectedly while they were hanging out at his house. 

...Ready For It?: May 2017 (Speculation)

In promos for the Making of a Song series, as well as Miss Americana, Taylor is seen with curly hair, her J necklace, and not her Sapphire Evil Eye Ring, which starts showing up on June 27th (We don’t know exactly when or why she got the sapphire ring). . Since the song partially focuses on whether or not her lover is ready for the media frenzy that surrounds dating her, I’m inclined to place this song in May, when her and Joe’s relationship leaked to the press. The song was recorded in Sweden, and we can assume she was in Europe between May 15 and June 1, 2017. (That being said, we can assume she is in Europe for most of the first half of 2017). 

Call It What You Want: June 2017 (Speculation)

In the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen with straight hair, her J necklace, and not her sapphire evil eye ring. Once again, I am tempted to put this after her relationship leaked to the press, probably in early June (She is in the states on the 1st and 3rd, and probably leaves sometime in mid-June).

End Game: Mid July (Confirmed)

Ed Sheeran has said that the song was written around July 14th, while he was playing in Connecticut and Taylor was in Rhode island. Ed: End Game was written - I was playing Mohegan Sun in Connecticut, and she has a place in Rhode Island, which isn't too far. So she hits me up like, 'I know you're in Connecticut, come around.' I go around, she plays me some of what turned out to be reputation, and plays me this End Game, and I was like 'Man, I really like this. Can I do a verse? Can I do a rap verse?' And she was like, 'Yeah, for sure!' So the next day, I remember, I was in bed, and woke up and got my laptop out, put the song, just looped it, wrote this verse, and I went in with Max Martin, who she did the song with, and recorded it. Then Future did a verse, and then Taylor wrote a verse and we did the video.

Getaway Car: July 2017 (Speculation)

In the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen with curly hair, her J necklace, and her sapphire evil eye ring, placing the song sometime shortly before/after June 27th. We know she was in the states for most of July, and in New York City on the 17th and 24th.

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things: July 2017 (Speculation)

In the Making of a Song series, Taylor is seen with straight hair, her J necklace, and her sapphire evil eye ring. For all the same reasons as Getaway Car, this song was probably recorded in July. The exact order of Getaway Car and TIWWCHNT is probably impossible for anyone not involved in the making of the song to know. I could see arguments for either order, but Taylor has said that reputation is in fairly chronological order, I’m putting it in order of tracklist.

So It Goes: September 2017 (Inferring)

Oscar Görres, a cowritter on the song, said he got a call from Max Martin, Shellback, and Taylor asking to use his track after he’d just had a child. According to social media, he had a daughter in 2015 and a son in September of 2017. The interview is a bit confusing, timeline-wise. On one had, Görres says “I’d just become a father,” but then he implies that Max and Shellback had already completed most of the album. (For context, English isn’t his first language). Personally, I believe the believe the September 2017 date. Multiple sessioners have said Taylor said all songs on the album were about her relationship with Joe, and the tracklists in the reputation magazines are out of order, suggesting a late change. Taylor has has also been known to add a song to the album incredibly last minute— most notably Forever & Always on Fearless, but also with Death By A Thousand Cuts on Lover, which had to have been written post April 20, 2019 (but that's for another album).

And that's all for this timeline! Check out my others:

TIMELINES: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights PLAYLISTS: debut • fearless • speak now • red • 1989 • rep • lover • folklore • evermore • midnights • entire discography GENERAL: tag

[ateezlovely]

Good luck kiss

pairing: choi san x reader (genderneutral)

genre: fluff + racer san

description: struggling from lack of sleep you end up going to the racetrack and meet a dark-haired boy with a lip piercing that captures your heart (1.8k words)

note: that gif of him makes me think of him as a street racer so i had to indulge in those thoughts ^-^

—

Feeling yourself bump into someone else you turn to them and mumble a sorry as you continue hurrying down the hallway. Only having a passing thought about the boy with dark hair and lip piercing that you bumped into.

Waking up this morning was especially hard, you had not been able to fall asleep until five in the morning, and the class you were rushing to started at eight. It wasn’t unusual for you to be late to class or even miss class because of how badly you struggled with sleeping. You slow down and try to catch your breath as you approach the classroom, trying to not look like a mess.

Music appreciation was not your favorite class but it wasn’t the worse either. It really didn’t help that the eight am class was the only one available and usually you didn’t wake up before 11 am.

Luckily there was a minute until class started and a few other people walked in at the same time as you. Walking to the back of the classroom, just in case you fell asleep, you took one of the few seats left. As you are getting out what you need to take notes someone sits next to you but you don’t pay attention because the professor stands up to greet the class.

Only ten minutes into the lecture, you struggle to keep your eyes open and stay conscious so you lean against the desk laying your head on your folded arms. Drifting in and out of consciousness you only wake up when you hear the loud shuffling of everyone leaving. You feel confused for a moment before you start gathering your things and realize someone had opened your notebook and written notes of today's lecture. None of your friends are in this class and you’ve only talked to a handful of the other students, so you aren’t sure who wrote the notes for you. Deciding not to worry about it you head back to your place so you can get some sleep before your 1 pm class and your shift at work.

It was busy at the coffee shop you worked at even though it was Friday afternoon. You enjoyed working the busy afternoon shifts because it meant you didn’t have any time to stop moving and feel how tired you were. It was fun working with your coworker Wooyoung, he was energetic and always making you laugh. You also became close friends with him outside of work and shared some classes with him.

‘’So any fun plans this Friday night?’’ Wooyoung asked as the both of you were cleaning up the shop to close for the night.

‘’Well, I have a very comfy bed and homework waiting for me at home’’ you sigh and immediately Wooyoung starts booing at you.

‘’That’s so lame! It’s Friday night you should do something fun’’ he exclaims while tugging on your arm, ‘’Oh! You should come with me to see my friends.’’

“Oh…I don’t know’’ you wearily say walking out of the store and waiting for Wooyoung to lock the doors.

“I swear it will be fun, we are meeting at the racing tracks!’’

“The racing tracks? What do you do there?’’ you have heard of people talk about going to the racing tracks on the weekends but never were intrigued to go. It wasn’t any official racing but it wasn’t illegal.

‘’My friends compete in the racing, we just hang around having fun’’ Wooyoung hooks his arm with yours and you walk with him to his car thinking that it might not be a bad idea to go. Since you aren't able to sleep early, staying out late won't be a problem.

‘’I won’t be intruding or anything? I haven’t met any of your friends before’’

‘’Don’t worry about it, it isn’t some closed thing’’ he assured you and you nodded getting into his car. Although you didn’t have trouble making friends or talking to people you didn’t know, you found yourself feeling nervous. Maybe it was the lack of sleep or because it wasn’t a familiar setting.

The racetrack was not what you had imagined. It was a normal-sized racetrack with barriers along the outside of the track but that was it. There were four cars on the actual track and many other cars in the parking lot. As soon as Wooyoung parked his car he hopped out and started shouting and laughing at his friends. You got out and followed him to where a group of people was standing near the starting line on the track.

You stood near the group of people whom you assumed were all of Wooyoungs friends because you heard familiar names that you remember Wooyoung saying before.

‘’Hey Wooyoung, who did you bring with you?’’ the tall man with yellow and red hair asked, suddenly bringing all the attention to you.

‘’This is my coworker and friend y/n, this is their first time here!’’

Shyly you wave and introduce yourself and Wooyoung giggles at how shy you are acting. He starts to tease you a bit and you roll your eyes before joining the conversation. One of the boys, you think his name is Yunho, asks if you want a drink and you nod eagerly.

Taking a few sips and standing facing the barrier you look at the cars on the track that seem to be getting ready to start the race. It is loud with everyone talking and revving of the engines.

While you were wondering how safe this was, a voice next to you startles you out of your thoughts, ‘’Do you enjoy watching racing?’’

Looking over at the person talking to you, it’s a boy with dark hair and lip piercing you say ‘’Huh? Oh, well this is my first time watching actually…’’

‘’Really?’’ he seem surprised for a moment before smirking, ‘’I guess that makes sense cause I definitely would have remembered seeing someone so pretty like you before’’

You look away for a second but look back at him and lick your lips. He is leaning against the barrier with his body facing you.

‘’I bet you say that to all the new pretty people that come here,’’ you tease with a smile.

A small playful gasps leave his pouty lips, ‘’What do you take me for? Some creepy guy that flirts with everyone?’’

This makes you laugh out loud, ‘’Well I don’t know you at all so maybe you are’’

‘’I promise I am not some creepy guy that hits on everyone, I only hit on the really pretty people that catch my eye’’ he says staring into your eyes that make you feel like you have met him before.

‘’Hmm…well I can’t be sure of anything yet,’’ and then you realize something, ‘’I mean I don’t even know your name.’’

‘’It’s San, and yours is y/n’’ he smiles and you are shocked for a moment, not knowing that he knew your name.

‘’You know my name?’’

‘’I do…hurts me that you didn’t know mine though.’’ He pouts again and you look at his soft pouting lips wanting to feel his lip piercing against your lips.

‘’C’mon that isn’t my fault’’ you whine a bit and you feel slightly bad that you didn’t know who he was. But this makes San giggle and you can’t help but look at his side profile as he laughs, thinking that his smile makes him look pretty.

‘’So how do you know my name?’’ you ask nudging his arm.

‘’Well actually…’’ suddenly San looks bashful and he bites his bottom lip, ‘’I saw you today in class, I sat next to you while you slept and took notes for you. Your name was written in your notebook’’

‘’Really? I was wondering who did that!’’ you exclaim with wide eyes.

‘’Mhm I did that, you looked really peaceful sleeping so I took notes for you’’ San shrugged as if it was no big deal. You smiled at him and thought that even though he looked like a tough guy on the outside, he was really sweet.

''Thank you for doing that...maybe I should probably stop sleeping in class''

''Besides the drool, I thought you looked pretty sleeping but you should try to get better sleep'' San teased and you blushed.

''Hey! I didn't drool!'' you whined lightly hitting his arm, ''I have trouble sleeping so I can't help but fall asleep in class sometimes''

''Well if you ever need someone to help you sleep, you can call me'' he winked and you smiled laughing at him.

The cars on the track all started up and everyone started to yell and cheer, the race was starting now. Two of the guys on the track came up to San and started talking to him about something you couldn’t hear.

You started to wonder the reason why San came to the racetrack when he hopped over the barrier and turned to you saying, ‘’It’s my time to shine now, will you wait for me after the race is over?’’

‘’Maybe I will wait if you win the race’’ you reply teasing him, except San takes this seriously.

‘’I will win just for you sweetheart’’ he winks and starts to walk backward away from you but stops to ask, ‘’will you give me a good luck kiss?’’

A blush blooms on your cheeks and your heart starts to beat fast, ‘’how about I give you a kiss if you win’’

‘’Oh baby, there's no if, I’m going to win!’’

Watching as San gets into his car you feel as though your heart is going to leap out of your chest. Wooyoung comes next to you and teases you that he watched and heard everything that happened between you and San. The redness of your cheeks deepens and you shove Wooyoung telling him to be quiet. You barely acknowledge Wooyoungs teasing as the race starts and the four cars take off going fast on the track.

‘’Hm…that does seem fair’’ and as soon as you say that San leans over the barrier, your faces so close you can smell his cologne and see how pretty the color of his eyes are. There is a soft smile on his lips as he brings one hand to the side of your face and closes the distance between you two.

His lips are softer than you imagined and his lip piercing briefly feels cold against your mouth. You can’t help but sigh out of bliss into his mouth and San smiles against your mouth.

He pulls away softly and whispers a ‘’pretty,’’ before he hops over the barrier again so he can pull you even closer and tell you how he is going to kiss you forever and never going to let you go.

[chirpsythismorning]

Skam show-runner Julie Andem clocking the fuck out of Mike being queer-coded in s1 of Stranger Things, and then using it as inspiration to queer-code Isak in s3 of Skam can be something so epic.

THIS! THIS is what I'm talking about!

In ST, there are two scenes in s1 (pretty/still pretty) that milkvans use as irrefutable proof that Mike has always had romantic feelings for El, with the primary object in the scene being a mirror.

THIS. MEANS. SOMETHING.

Mirrors in film mean something more often than not, but especially when they are the focus of a scene is when they definitely mean something. And the way they go about it differently in between those two scenes in ST, drastically differently, and considering the subject matter is very very queer coded, is how you really know there is a significance in this case.

And that scene above from Skam proves it.

Because apparently, another filmmaker watched ST, picked up on those odd details surrounding Mike and said shit I'm gonna use that...

Notice how Isak here, a gay teenager who is fully in denial with others and himself, to the point where he makes really homophobic remarks often, gets caught denying a bunch of girls as being attractive in a conversation with his friends. And so now they're questioning him and making him feel on edge bc the focus is on him and his attraction (lack thereof) to girls.

While his friends aren't even implying he is gay in this moment, it's just them genuinely being confused why he doesn't think any of the girls they think are attractive are attractive, you can still see that Isak starts to feel the pressure and so he latches onto the first girl he thinks of, Emma.

Emma just so happens to look like Natalie Portman with her extremely short hair.

Low and behold this very girl enters the room shortly after he says this and so now Isak has to face this and give his friends the impression he is fully interested in this girl, otherwise they would DEFINITELY suspect something is off. And so he goes all out.

He outs himself.

He literally says Don't you look like that boy from Stranger Things, and then follows it up with saying he would only be attracted to her if we're assuming he is attracted to boys, only to quickly backtrack and start to approach her really flirtatiously, then going all out by making out with her.

As this happens, he is kissing her in the bathroom, in front of a mirror...

Now I want to make clear, I am not saying ST was inspired by Skam. I'm pretty sure I did make that clear, it's actually the other way around, which is even more incriminating arguably.

S1 of Stranger Things came out in 2016, whereas s3 of Skam came out the following year in 2017. The hype for ST was so immense, to the point where you had Norwegian teens referencing it in everyday conversation.

The creator of Skam took scenes from ST that framed Mike very peculiarly in s1, and used it as queer-coding for a character that ended up being revealed as gay.

For those that haven't seen Skam Norway... Run. Leap. Drive. Teleport. Do what you have to do and go watch it. It's not available on any streaming, in fact it's only available online through fan-sites outside of where it's based. Conveniently, all 4 seasons with English subs can be found HERE.

Basically this show is amazing and you need to watch it. Some seasons I like more than others. But the gist of it is that every season focuses on a different character from the main group, where they experience some sort of misunderstanding/miscommunication that leads to them being misinformed about certain things, followed by them making mistakes and having doubts, though it tends to end in a way that feels so refreshing compared to what we're used to.

Skam also translates in english to shame, so the idea is that there is an arc surrounding some form of shame every season.

With Isak in particular, he's the focus for s3, though his arc starts to become more clear as early as the end of s1.

Eva, the character in focus for s1, borrows Isak’s phone to call someone, and ends up seeing that there's gay porn in a bunch of his tabs on his browser. Their friend Noora also witnesses this and she ends up being the focus of s2.

Throughout s2, we get even more blatant hints that Isak is gay and in love with his best friend...

So it's established pretty early on throughout the series that Isak is queer and in denial about it, but it isn't until s3 that he himself is able to confront it.

The way they go about this arc, with Isak having unrequited feelings, is exactly how ST would have done it IF Mike hadn't returned Will's feelings.

So if you're looking for more byler proof, go watch this show and see how they don't let Isak pine over his best friend Jonas for more than 2 seasons.

When the story finally puts Isak at the forefront, they give him his own love interest instead of keeping him pining for his friend. It's really pure and amazing and TBH I would have been fine if ST was framed this way, with it being clear from the beginning Isak's feelings were unrequited, and with the other half of the series focusing on him moving on and finding love himself, and also with his best friend and him still being very close.

Although Isak has that queer-coding from the very beginning, with him looking at his friend all fondly, he is still not able to confront any of it. The following season he dates a girl and is a little over the top about it, though we can also see that he is struggling despite not wanting to face it. It isn't until s3 when the story shows us his inner struggle at the forefront, that we see him finally confront it and accept it.

For those that don't know, Skam also loosely inspired the Nick Nelson gay test scene... So we have character that despite showing many signs of being queer, to the point where we know he literally watched gay porn, is still finding himself in a situation where he's taking gay tests 2 years later....

While he might have the knowledge deep down, he was not willing to face it. In fact he was doing everything he could to avoid confronting it.

But then he falls in love and suddenly it's not something he can ignore anymore...

[allthoseotherworlds]

Okay, here's what I am imagining after that weird male-presenting timelord scene. Please imagine Sylvie and Shaun just standing awkwardly to the side the whole time. Also on AO3.

“It's a shame you're not a woman anymore,” Donna was saying, “‘cause she'd have understood. We've got all that power - but there is a way to get rid of it. Something a male-presenting Time Lord will never understand.”

The Doctor watched, confused, as Donna and Rose released the metacrisis energy. He wasn't confused about the release of the energy, of course, now that it had been pointed out as an option. He was so, so grateful that there was a way out of this, a way not to lose the friend he cared so much about and had always regretted losing.

But.

He watched as the remains of golden regeneration energy fizzled away into the air, then turned back to Donna and Rose.

“That's incredible! The metacrisis energy was too much for one person to release, but split between two, it's reduced enough to be let go without damage. Brilliant!” He paused. “I'm not sure what gender has to do with it though?”

“Oh, you know,” Donna said. “It's just…” she paused. “I always heard that woman are more emotionally mature, that sort of thing.”

“Actually,” Rose said thoughtfully, “I'm not sure that's true. I've known plenty of women who could use more emotional maturity. Think about Nerys-”

“Oh, that woman!” Donna grumbled. “You may have a point.” She turned back to the Doctor. “It's still not something you'd ever come up with though. I guess I assumed it's because you're a man now.”

“Am I?” The Doctor asked. He didn't know why he said it, really. He mostly let humans assume what they wanted, and it mostly didn't bother him. But it was Donna, and she was clearly accepting and loving towards Rose, and this face seemed much worse at hiding things than his last.

“Well, aren't you?” Donna said. “I mean, you've never corrected anyone.”

“I guess we never did ask your pronouns,” Rose said. “But when you assumed he for the Meep I guess I assumed that meant you were a man.”

“Most people do. The Doctor said. Mostly I let them.”

“But…?” Donna asked gently, and the Doctor was suddenly so proud of her and Rose and the loving relationship they had with each other.

“Well, you know,” the Doctor ran a haha through his hair. “I'm just… the Doctor. Sometimes people think I'm a woman, and sometimes people think I'm a man, and I'm not really either. I'm just the Doctor. I know what humans are like, in this time period, so I mostly use “woman” or “man” because it's what people expect. But it's not… it's not some fundamental thing about me, a defining trait or experience. It's just something to go along with. It's just how other people treat me, not something I am.”

Donna nodded, thoughtfully, but it was Rose who spoke.

“You do… know that gender normally is something people experience and feel strongly about?” she said. “I mean, that's why I'm trans - I just feel it inside. It's not about how other people see me.”

“I'm not sure I've ever felt that,” the Doctor said. “Like I said, I'm just… me. Everything else is just other people.”

“I'm sorry for assuming,” Donna said. “What about pronouns? Do you have a preference?”

“Oh, I don't think so,” the Doctor said, mostly by reflex, before stopping. “Actually, of the available options in English, I think ‘they’ is most accurate. But like I said, it's not that important to me. I just brought it up because,  I don't know, I guess I just wanted you to know.”

“Well, now we know,” Donna said. “Thank you, Doctor.”

“Thank you,” the Doctor said. “Both of you.”

This face was more emotionally open, but even it had its limits apparently, and the Doctor shook themself off and gestured at the exit to the unit compound. “Now, shall we go find the Tardis?”

[xticklemeemox]

Phantom's Mask

(In advance, I am so sorry for how confusing this gets with what side of Phantom's face is always covered. To clarify, it is HIS right, so the right side of his face from his perspective. It will be described both ways, but I swear I was trying so hard to not make it confusing but I failed so this is to clarify. Polyghouls btw who love Copia. (The relationship between Copia and his ghouls is technically up for interpretation) also why can I never write in the same tense. Also I might change Phantom's backstory, I just don't like it too much???) Oh and I've never written poly for more than three people so... yeah. I hope I did the relationship justice. I tried to mention everyone but writing is hard. I'm so sorry if the ghouls aren't written right 😭 I tried sprinkling on my own hc's for appearances too)

Word count: 13,758

Masterlist

Link to AO3 version:

Fic under the cut

Phantom was the newest quintessence ghoul.

When Papa Emeritus the Fourth summoned him, Phantom's face was covered almost completely by dirty bandages, curls of black and white hair peeking out between the gaps on his head. His left eye, the only one visible, was stunning. The sclera was pitch black like all ghouls, with the iris being a mix of varying shades of purple with flecks of a violet shade that made the whole eye: sclera, pupil, and iris, look like one giant swirling galaxy. Copia had never seen an eye like that before on a ghoul, not even his dearest Aether's eyes, a similar purple color, had looked quite so... enthralling.

(Picture for reference because I can't quite explain what I see in my head. The violet is what Phantom's marking glow, and the galaxy behind him is literally what I picture his eyes as.)

As soon as realization struck, Phantom had scrambled back and to the edge of the summoning circle with a low, distressed keen when he realized he couldn't leave the circle. He trembled from the cold, growling weakly in an attempt to be threatening.

Copia ordered everyone else to leave, even his pack ghouls. Dewdrop protested, not willing to leave Copia alone with a potential threat, but to everyone's surprise, it was Swiss who pulled the short ghoul back towards the entrance of the summoning room, knocking the horns of their masks together with care, the chains attached to the piercings on his long ears chiming with the motion. In a gentle murmur, Swiss explained with knowing eyes that Papa could handle the situation and that they should trust him.

Copia was grateful, recognizing that Swiss saw what he sees too in this ghoul, a fear that won't go away by simply having the situation explained. It will take some time yet for their newest quintessence ghoul to trust them, but Copia is hoping this conversation will be a start, if he decides to stay.

When the door clicked shut behind Rain, who had an arm around the freshly summoned Aurora's shoulder, warm blanket wrapped closely around her, Copia sat on the clean stone floor, letting some moments pass in silence as the black summoning candles, placed in the shape of a pentagram, flickered with an eerie purple flame.

Phantom was sitting, knees to his chest, watching every rise and fall of Copia's own chest with a razor-sharp, fearful gaze. His tail was wrapped around his thigh, the tip twitching occasionally with his distress.

"I am Papa Emeritus the Fourth, the representative for our Lord Lucifer here on Earth, but to you, ghoul, I am Copia. This is the Ministry, the main branch of the Clergy of Satan. I have summoned you to replace my quintessance ghoul in the musical aspects we here at the Ministry require." Copia starts, keeping his voice low and as calming as he is able. "Do you have a name?"

Copia lets the ghoul take in every available feature he can, such as his welcoming expression and unguarded posture. The white iris of one of his eyes. After a moment, the ghoul shakes his head, the tip of his long, pointed ear, the only one still tipped at all, twitching as a bang sounds from outside the room. Papa ignores it, it was probably Dewdrop anyway.

Curiously, the ghouls skin seemed to be two different shades, mostly a light gray, and lavender purple in random splotches.

"Well, that's alright. One of us here can name you, or you can choose if you'd prefer. Most of our ghouls usually have names, but some, like Swiss, our only multighoul, had their names given to them by either other ghouls or one of the humans here."

As Copia continues speaking, explaining a bit about the other ghouls in his pack, the ghoul ever so slowly loosens up, tense muscles unwinding though his gaze never falters. His black tail, a long, thin thing with an end like a fluffy lavender cloud, shimmers with quintessance magic as it flicks back and forth in interest.

"Now, I can send you back if you wish it. I am not forcing you to stay here, like we used to do with older ghouls."

It was nothing more than a desperate whisper, but it was like shouting as the silence in the room afterwards was deafening. "No! Please, I'll stay."

"Yes, yes, of course. We will be happy to have you, truly. I hope you'll come to enjoy it here." Papa nods along easily with a kind smile that errs on the side of awkward. "We just have to perform the binding spell that will tie your presence here to my life force. When I die, I will see you down in Hell with our Lord. If both parties are willing, this can be removed if you wish it. It is not something I like to force upon you."

Copia didn't particularly like that aspect of the binding, fearing it was wrong to do to the ghouls, especially if they had nothing to do with the death of the other bonded. Sister Imperator insisted though, not long after he had summoned all of his ghouls.

She would never tell anyone this, be it in this life or any other, but she requires this binding spell for Copia's benefit. If anything were to happen to her dear boy, she wants his ghouls, his true family, to be with him always. It is the least she can do, when the man doesn't even know that he is her son, and she left him to rot as a lonely orphan.

"Let us share our blood as you repeat after me, yes?"

As the spell was performed, Papa Emeritus glowed with power. His white eye was like a beacon that lit up a path to what the ghoul hoped was a better future, and the ghoul was eager to follow.

Papa retrieves the still warm blanket that Dewdrop was keeping hot before he left, handing it over to the ghoul who takes it cautiously. As he wraps himself in it, his shivering lessens immediately and his visible eye goes half lidded at the welcome warmth.

"I can call one of the others in here to show you around-" Seeing the violet cracks that all ghouls share in the color of their elements light up along with the tensing of his muscles, Copia quickly changes his next words, "or I can take you directly to your room in the ghoul den and tell the others to leave you in peace?"

The ghoul nods, slowly standing, and as he waits for Copia to do the same, black claws nervously fidget with the fraying end of one of the bandages on his face. "I can see about getting you a custom mask, if you'd like. Its a requirement for the ghouls to stay in uniform except in the den, but if you'd like to wear one all the time, it is allowed as well."

Nodding, he agrees easily before hesitating. He gestures at his face, and Copia stares in confusion for a moment, trying to decipher what the ghoul is attempting to tell him with what feels like a game of charades. "Oh, you only want half a mask? That can be arranged, but might I ask why?"

Still glowing with quintessance magic, the ghoul unwinds enough of his bandages to show the bottom half of his face.

"I see. I apologize for asking, and will be sure to warn the others against doing so as well, though they're always respectful regardless. Let's get you clean bandages first, and if you'll allow it, I can help wrap them so they're not quite so... suffocating. My anxiety is skyrocketing just looking at you, dear ghoul."

✨

Anti-social is what the Brothers and Sisters of the Ministry called him. He never spoke, or stayed at events long enough to socialize. His quintessance magic was always swirling around him in little swirls and streaks that trailed after him as he performed his duties, hidden entirely by the regulation Prequelle era uniform that all ghouls were required to wear. It was the most practical choice for everyday duties, compared to older eras outfits.

When hallways got too crowded, he'd stick himself up against the wall and get out as quick as possible. Whenever any of the ghouls or humans yelled or showed any amount of distaste in his general direction, he'd disappear entirely and not be seen for hours.

For the first week topside, Phantom had no name. In fact, he was rarely seen by anyone, be they ghoul or human. He never spoke and always disappeared in the blink of an eye. The pack was giving him time to adjust, to come to terms with how different topside is from the Pits. Aurora adjusted well, is thriving even despite some minor setbacks (like a later incident over a month after her summoning when she killed one of Copia'a pet rats accidentally (it was on purpose but she didn't know the little thing was Copia's.) The funeral was so lovely.)

Dewdrop is the one who named him.

Though people only see him for his temper, Dewdrop is a very observant ghoul. The humans seem to forget that he used to be a water ghoul, and even though he was weaker than others of his kind, Dewdrop knew when to be patient and watch for an opportunity to kill and that skill remained even after his transformation, though its purpose has changed.

So he watched alongside Swiss and they noticed things, spoke with each other about the ghoul and his mannerisms. He was an unusual sort, but they understood something no one else seemed to.

Dewdrop didn't have anyone who understood. Swiss had Dewdrop. Phantom will have the both of them, if he'll allow it.

This ghoul had never had a pack. You could see it in the way he carried himself around others, the difference in interaction between ghoul and human.

He leaned towards any of the pack ghouls, longing in his lone eye but never quite able to bring himself to reach out or ask for the affection he clearly wanted. Every pack activity or commonality was met with a confused stare and a sense of unease that radiated off of him. He avoided humans like the plague. If any came around while he was in the room, the ghoul disappeared with a shimmer of quintessance within the blink of an eye, escaping from the situation silently as though he had never been there in the first place.

He's like a phantom, there one moment and gone the next.

So Dewdrop said so, one night as the ghouls were getting ready for bed in the common room of the band ghoul den. Cumulus was braiding his hair back, as she did every night. The newest ghoul was watching in the corner of the room in a pair of Dew's own pajamas, the cuff of the sleeves and pants far too short on the taller quintessance ghoul. Dew was the only one with a similar build and close enough in height, so the new ghoul was stuck borrowing his clothes much like Aurora was borrowing Sunshine's old things. The ghoulette wouldn't mind as she took her most favorite possessions with her when she and Aether were transfered to a different church.

Off to the side observing the pack from afar, the ghoul sat idly fiddling with the Meliora mask strapped to his belt. He had opted for just the bandages tonight, having just come from Papa's room where the man always helps him rewrap them after his duties are over and he is free to remove his mask. The pack understands that the ghoul trusts Papa, really, they do, but they can't help but wish he'd show them that same trust. Whatever he is afraid of, he doesn't need to be with them, they're his pack whether he realizes it or not. His right eye was covered, as it always was, alongside the entirety of the right half of his face, but the bandages made it so that most of his left side was covered too. No one could really tell what he looked like, and they were so curious but unwilling to pry and scare him off.

His available eye was trained on Cumulus' hands, or more accurately the hair her pale grey fingers ran through lovingly, the other only visible when his magic was at work and caused the iris to glow, otherwise hidden in the shadow of his Meliora mask. Dewdrops hair was stunning in a way he couldn't quite grasp, he's never seen anything like it. It was like looking at a living flame, ombre all the way down to his lower back. At his roots was a cobalt blue, a shade leftover from his days as a water ghoul, then a pale yellow that turned darker into an orangish red. His hair was one of the more unusual color combinations of all the ghouls.

Unlike most ghouls that had streaks of their elemental color in their hair, Dewdrops entire head was his element, and when he got angry, he lit up like a flame. Quite literally.

Cumulus and Dew were talking quietly as she worked with practiced ease, and Dewdrop idly watched his other packmates move about and get ready for a pile in the living room. One moment, the quintessance ghoul was off in a corner by himself, and when next Dew looked over, he was directly beside him. Close enough to touch, if either of them wished, and Dewdrop could see that wish in the galaxy of the other ghouls eye. This close, Dew could see that the bare amount of violet freckles on Phantom's cheeks were actually small little diamond star shapes.

"You're quite like a phantom you know, so silent and steady. I can never tell just how you get from place to place so silently, its impressive." Dewdrop comments, after a moment or two of the ghoul just watching Cumulus finish tying off his hair.

The ghouls eye lights up, markings glowing faintly. He nods eagerly, seemingly happy to be praised.

"Hm, how about Phantom then? For your name? You've not been given one yet, by yourself or any of us." Dew offers with a fanged smile, keeping his attention solely on the ghoul next to him, despite feeling the gaze of every member of his pack at his back.

He had nodded so enthusiastically Dew feared his head would fall off, as the humans say, purple whirls appearing and sparks of quintessance popping around him, the violet streaks in his black and white hair and the cracks along his body all lighting up. Phantom was literally glowing with happiness, and it was very, very cute.

His mouth was covered by the bandages he always wore, but everyone could see Phantom's wide, elated smile.

"Its a pleasure to meet you Phantom, I'm Dewdrop." With a large grin, more reminiscent of baring teeth, Dew reached out a hand, and with a fiery gaze, dared Phantom to reach back.

Phantom stared for a moment, smile never faltering even as he glanced at Dewdrops hand, before his gaze turned excited but so, so nervous. When Phantom's hand met Dewdrops's, the fire ghoul tightened his grip firmly, but still so gentle, "We're your pack, Phantom, whenever you're ready for us."

Phantom freezes, gaze focused on where his hand meets Dew's. He flexes his fingers, the black claws scraping carefully over Dewdrop's hand as Phantom tests out the feeling of another hand in his own, eye shuttering as the sensation overwhelms him.

Trying to keep his smile up as his temper skyrockets, Dewdrop reigns in the anger he feels being able to physically see how a gentle touch causes Phantom to nearly shut down. So many of his reactions to things are leading up to a conclusion Dewdrop is sure he's not going to like.

"Phantom! I love it! Oh I can't believe we finally have something to call you! This is exciting!" Aurora launches herself forward, tripping over the too-long hem of her pajama pantleg as she goes but catching herself with ease, continuing her path towards the quintessance ghoul.

She stops herself from colliding into him only barely, remembering how he hasn't truly let anyone touch him since he arrived. Aurora wants to though, she wants to hug him and talk with him, hold his hand and feel the magic under his skin mingle with hers, to get to know Phantom properly. They were summoned on the same day, Aurora first, and Phantom second. She saw how distressed he was when he arrived and was so confused as to why he felt that way.

Aurora was happy to be topside, excited to perform her duties as an air and quintessance hybrid and perform in the Ghost project. She was a multighoulette, like the ghoulette before her, though Aurora didn't quite understand why the humans called her that. It wasn't unheard of for some ghouls to have two elements, one from each of their parents usually. Cirrus and Cumulus had only shrugged, called the humans strange beings and left it at that. Swiss on the other hand, with a bit of every element, was highly unusual. Almost unheard of even. Aurora had never seen another ghoul like him, and his eyes were so, so pretty with the way they looked like a pale opal stone, and how they shined brighter with whatever color of magic he was using- oh, wait, she was talking to Phantom! Who finally got a name!

Phantom who had looked so scared when he first arrived, but now couldn't seem to stop smiling, even as he had jerked back instinctually away from her.

"Are you going to sleep with us here tonight?" Aurora chirps, swaying back and forth lightly on the balls of her feet with a grin that promised mischief, her tail following the motion.

Phantom's smile falters, and he quickly steps back away from both her and Dewdrop, almost falling over a bean bag that lay haphazardly in the middle of the room as the tiny feathers that make up Aurora's eyebrows raise.

He shakes his head profusely, putting on his mask, as Phantom hastily waves his hands as though he was referring to the entirety of himself. "Aurora darling, let's leave Phantom be. He'll join when he's ready to, and we'll be here with open arms." Rain steps in, putting an arm around her shoulder.

His tail and hers curl together, the feathered end of hers stroking gently over the lunate finned tip of his. With a nod of his head, gesturing for Phantom to go on and leave like the pack can tell he wishes to, Phantom is gone within a millisecond. "Good call on the name Dew, he is like a little phantom." Swiss comments, voice muffled from where he placed it back on Mountain's chest.

Both ghouls were laid on the giant bed already, almost naked as ghouls were known to prefer, both purring up a storm. "He's cute."

Their tails too were intertwined, much like their limbs. Swiss grins, wrapping himself around Mountain even further at his words. This is the first he's spoken in a couple days, and while understanding that the earth ghoul simply doesn't want to speak often, its always a joy to hear the pleasant rumble of his voice. Aurora jumps atop the two and Swiss wraps one arm around her as Rain curls up at Mountains side snuggling into the warmth the bigger ghoul provides. Dewdrop lays out at Rain's other side, burying his face into the water ghouls back and reaching a hand over to rest in Swiss' curls. Eveyone is careful of each others horns, mindful of the sharp points and different lengths and shapes, none of them feeling like glamouring them away at the moment.

Cirrus and Cumulus giggle off to the side, not yet ready for bed, a little too high strung and needy. "Anyone care to join us?" Cirrus offers, mouthing at Cumulus' neck with a hand in her curly grey strands.

Swiss moves to get up immediately at the offer, ever eager, and Aurora whines in disappointment. "I'll be back in a little while, don't worry. Have at Mountain, he's terribly comfortable."

Mountain grumbles, baring his teeth in jest even as his free arm wraps around Aurora and brings her closer, replacing Swiss' warmth with hers and beginning to slowly stroke along the curl of her horns. Aurora shudders and starts to purr, leaning into the touch as her eyes fall to half mast, arousal simmering low in her gut that she ignores for the time being in favor of Mountains affection.

✨

When Papa Emeritus IV gave Phantom his new mask, he lit up, glowing happily as his tail practically wagged like a dog. It was a half-Meliora era mask, custom made to fit his face shape, leave his long ears unglamored, and cover the right side of his face in its entirety.

In a single second, he was gone and a few moments later, he had returned without any of his bandages and the mask firmly in place. His black and white hair was in loose, messy curls, and for the first time everyone got a full, no, half look at his face. There was a large patch of lavender skin around his visible eye that splashed up into his hairline, little dots of the same lavender dotting around his forehead and jaw, but his skin was otherwise a pale grey a few shades lighter than Cumulus' and undertoned with a purple blush. When he smiled, sharp fangs peeked out from the side visible.

Phantom was so, so pretty. The beginnings of their pack bond with him had stirred then, sluggish and weak from the lack of contact required to form it properly.

The poor ghoul had panicked then, confused and alarmed at the sudden onslaught of other presences he was now keenly aware of, disappearing once more as the pack all turned to look at Copia as one, placing down their respective instruments. Practice hadn't even had the chance to start.

Papa sighs, the faintest bit of indignation traveling over the bond he shares with his pack.

"Give him time, my ghouls, he'll come around eventually."

"Maybe wait until practice is over next time, Papa." Dewdrop wraps himself around Copia, nudging his cheek against the man's, seeking affection.

Copia had begun to pet his hair, and seeing one pack member getting attention from their Papa caused all the ghouls to come over, which started an impromptu ghoul pile. Copia was exasperated. They really were supposed to be practicing. There was only a few months until tour and Aurora and Phantom needed practice. It doesn't help that Aether and Sunny weren't here to help them learn their parts.

✨

Rain had forgotten his phone in the practice room earlier in the day and didn't realize til nearly dinner since he was terribly busy with chores. Rain couldn't wait for the clergymen to get better, this illness floating around was becoming an annoyance. Everyone loved to stare at the band ghouls, like they were something to be gawked at in curiosity. Not to mention the whispering, that the ghouls with enhanced hearing could hear clear as day. Mountain always withdrew into himself even further and talked even less than usual. Dewdrop's hold on his temper loosened exponentially and Swiss' smiles lost their genuine edge. Cumulus and Cirrus stuck close to each other like glue, and wherever they went, Swiss wasn't far behind. Aurora seemed to do the best under the attention, eager to chat her way into an easygoing conversation if she noticed the other pack members struggling. Rain was grateful, since that role usually fell to Aether and Sunshine, the two most suited to dealing with humans. When they were sent away, no one else could really manage to do so despite Dew's best efforts, and so it fell to Rain who, like the ghoulettes, stuck to Mountains side eagerly. Rain was finding Phantom to be the most elusive of them all when it came to dealing with the clergymen and their whispers. He did his chores quickly and disappeared with a wink of quintessance, but Rain knew he still heard what the more rude members of the clergy say about him. That he must be ugly under his mask, that it was strange how the ghoul didn't even seem to socialize with his own pack-

Nearly to the practice room, Rain pauses, just barely sniffing the air before he catches a strong wiff of a peculiar smell.

Rain smelled blood.

It was coming strongly from the practice room, but Rain knew no one was allowed in except the ghouls, Papa, occasionally Sister Imperator, and a single Brother who cleans when needed. No one should be in there, Rain had seen everyone around mere moments before and no one was even close to this section of the abbey. Rain starts listing off those people in his head before he comes to a conclusion, the faing trickle of awareness of one of his pack bonds growing stronger as he nears.

Ah, its Phantom then. Its hard to pin the ghoul down unless he wants to be found, much like Mountain.

Opening the door, the smell gets stronger and Rain has to take a moment to compose himself. Fuck. That smelled good.

Rain pinches his nose briefly, careful of his paired nostril piercings and their connecting chain, trying desperately to get ahold of himself. He'll have to find one of the others after this, no doubt, to satisfy the craving for blood now rushing through his veins.

Phantom sits in one of the bean bags, in the act of wiping blood onto his uniform pants as it spills from his fingers slowly.

"You've been practicing too hard, you need to rest your fingers for a couple days." Phantom jumps, flinching back and strumming out a discordant note.

He rips the headphones off his head, accidentally taking his mp3 player with it, puts the guitar down, and stands all in one moment. The journal on his lap slips onto the floor, and Phantom eyes it nervously while keeping an eye on Rain. The usual markings are glowly faintly in his fear and surprise, but they fade as he realizes who it is. Watcher In The Sky leaks out faintly from the still playing mp3 device.

He moves to pick them up but grimaces as he remembers his bloody hands, half hidden by his mask before just staring at them forlornly. Rain moves forward, the smell of blood growing stronger as he takes notice of the multitude of cuts and dried blood on Phantom's hand and the sheen of it on the ground and his black Fantomen.

"I didn't mean to startle you, I'm sorry. You'll rust up your strings this way, and hurting yourself does more harm then good. You can't play properly if your hands are that injured. Let me fix them up for you. Is that okay?" Rain asks, picking up the journal.

He catches a glimpse of the handwriting and knows immediately it is Aethers. Longing fills him immediately, his heart heavy in his chest. Fuck he misses Aether. Its been hard to adjust without him or Sunny, but Papa assured the pack he did what he could, and they'd be able to see them soon if Saltarian allowed it. Rain hates the man, but he is grateful Saltarian begrudgingly agreed to let the ghouls stay for magical assistance even if he declared there was no more use for them in the band. They'd been transferred to a different branch, together thankfully, but the distance was heartbreaking for all involved.

The notebook is filled with notes on chords, explanations for the difficult sections and how his hands would need to be placed. Crude drawings of hands on a fret board were even included. It was opened up to a page for Watcher In The Sky, for when they'd need to slide their hands up the neck. Little smiley faces and encouraging notes were written on the sides, and Rain smiles. Aether always did love adding smiley faces to things, where possible.

Phantom had even added his own little mote, a simple 'This section makes me want to lean along with the guitar sound. Ask Rain or Dew?'

Closing the notebook and placing it back on the bean bag, Rain looks up to see Phantom watching him. He's less wary now, just curious. His hands are still bleeding, droplets slowly sliding down his fingers to the floor.

"May I?" Reaching out a hand, Rain waits with a patient smile.

Phantom takes it, reaching across the distance slowly and clearly ready to take his hand back should Rain's movements turn threatening. A thumb rubs across the slight bit of webbing on Rain's hands that make playing a little difficult, so curious about them and a chuckle falls from Rain's lips before he can stop it. Phantom's eye meets his own immediately, intensely focused as Rain's laughter naturally dies down.

Leading him over to the cabinet full of medical supplies, injuries common with magic being channeled for practice so often, Rain uses his other hand to dig around for what he's looking for. Phantom still holds his other hand, grip on the looser side, but firm, like he doesn't want to let go.

"These are Dew's," Rain begins explaining, feeling anxiety trickle down the bond when Phantom sees the nametag taped on the side of the small bin. "He burns his fingers on the strings when he gets too into a song and also doesn't know when enough practicing is enough for the day. He won't mind us using these, Papa keeps everything well stocked for us."

Worry still creases Phantom's visible eye, and he tilts his head to the side as if to ask 'Are you sure?'.

"Trust me, Dew won't be mad, I promise. He would also like your cuts taken care of." Rain slowly brings Phantom's hands closer to himself, sanitization wipes in hand as they sit facing each other on two bean bags.

He starts off with those, apologizing every time Phantom flinches from the pain. Moving on to antibiotic ointment, Rain lathers it thoroughly and carefully wraps gauze around his fingers. Using some tape over each finger pad, Rain finishes the first aid. Phantom has been watching him the whole time, the crack like markings by his temple and branching up from his neck over his jaw glowing a soft violet.

"All done. You shouldn't practice for at least a few days, or these won't heal and you'll be right back to square one with injured hands and an inability to play at all." Rain keeps a gentle hold on Phantom's hands, loose enough that the other ghoul could pull them back with ease if he wished.

Rain is just glad that the ghoul is letting himself be touched at all.

At Rain's words, Phantom shakes his head side to side. "Hm?"

Something close to a sigh of frustration spills from behind Phantom's lips and he grabs the notebook and pen beside him, one hand still holding Rain's. One handed, he opens the notebook to the back where there's only a few blank pages and begins to write. The letters are shaky and barely legible in English but he manages well enough.

'I need to practice.'

The word 'need' is underlined thickly and Rain tilts his head.

"A few days off won't hurt anything, your fingers need to rest and the Fantomen will still be here for use." Rain reassures, confused as to what the other ghoul is getting at.

'I HAVE to be good enough. I can't be sent back.'

Clarity hits him like a thunderstrike. "You won't be sent back! I promise. Papa wouldn't allow it, you're one of us. Aether and Sunny were just transferred to a different abbey, not sent back to the Pits."

Something settles in Phantom's eyes then, a sort of resignation. He scribbles out something quickly, shaking his head, black tears bubbling in his visible eye. He stands, the pen clattering to the floor as Phantom clutches the notebook to his chest, the words written facing Rain so he can read them.

'I can't be sent away. I love it here, I love the pack. Its here or erasure.'

Phantom takes his hand back from Rain's and the quintessance ghoul is left feeling cold. Colder than he's ever felt, before he learned what a kind, gentle touch could feel like. He ignores it, so used to doing so that he could pretend it was easy.

In an instant, he's gone, quintessance sparking in his wake as Phantom vanishes.

"Shit." Rain mutters, standing too after picking up the pen and placing it with the first aid kit.

Looking around the room, Rain's gaze falls on the bloody guitar. Phantom left without cleaning it. He really must've been upset for that to slip his mind. The entire time Phantom has been here, he's treated Aether's guitar like a precious artifact, something to be treasured.

While carefully cleaning the guitar and changing the strings with reverence, Rain lets his mind wander. Everyone was a little upset every time they approached Phantom and he eyed them carefully, like they'd hurt him if they got too close. Those looks have lessened with time, with every kind word or scarce gentle touch, but he'd retreat back into himself if pushed too far.

The mystery that was Phantom was unraveling slowly, but Rain was beginning to fear that if nothing was done soon, then the terrified longing that lives in Phantom's heart was going to consume him and he'll suffer for it.

✨

Phantom didn't speak for the first month he was topside. At that point the pack had assumed he couldn't, or simply didn't want to. At least, until the Swiss Incident™️.

Now, despite its title, Swiss Incidents happened often. Usually, it was nothing more serious than going a bit too far pranking a human, or causing damage by roughhousing (or fucking) a bit too close to a priceless artifact. This time though, well-

One of the Cardinals in the Ministry was holding Mass. His name was Eugene, and no one particularly liked him. You would think, as a Cardinal in the Church of Satan, he would have some sense of decorum, would take care to be respectful and not leer so fervently at the younger Brothers and Sisters. You would think he would treat his fellow man or ghoul with respect, but he was well known for being intentionally cruel, always managing to scrape by with a harsh reprimand, but never any worse. He was cautious around Papa Emeritus and Sister Imperator, but once, just once, his temper got the better of him and that was his mistake.

See, Phantom was helping the Brothers on cleanup duty, as was his delegated task for this Mass. It wasn't often the band ghouls were asked to help with such mundane activities. As chaotic and unpredictable as they are, things often end up more of a mess than they were before.

At home, the ghouls were allowed to be unglamored, but still in uniform. His ears were out, tail swaying gently at his side as he kept pushing the waves of his hair back away from his visible eye, diligently cleaning a table. Phantom wasn't wearing his bandages underneath so his black and white hair was allowed to fluff out around his head and brush his shoulders freely.

Phantom lifts up a vase gently with one arm while the other takes special care to wipe down the table thoroughly. His fingers are bandaged, and he tries to hold the vase securely.

"Be careful with that, ghoul. Its worth more than your life!" Eugene, that despicable Cardinal, yells from the other side of the room, beady gaze locked on the new ghoul.

Phantom startles, tail straightening in fright and then curling around and around his thigh as the vase crashes to the ground with a loud shattering sound.

"Fucking- Ghoul, what did I just tell you?!" The Cardinal's stomps can be heard easily, and Phantom hunches over, refusing to turn around.

He's projecting his distress clearly across the thin threads of his bond with the pack and it makes their own negative emotions crackle with further intensity as his quintessance magic works its wonders. It seems they were lucky Aether was such a level-headed ghoul who kept a tight reign on filtering his emotions through the bond.

Aether had other ghouls to teach him, to help him understand how dangerous his magic could be. Phantom had no one and Aether wasn't at the Ministry anymore.

By now, all attention is on the two as the Cardinal grows closer. A Brother leaves the room to find Papa Emeritus, fearing the situation could escalate. The pack ghouls, normally not all asked to attend Mass to help out afterwards, are all scattered throughout the room watching the scene with attentive eyes, tails swishing agitatedly. Eugene was not in luck, the ghouls were only around to witness this since so many Brothers and Sisters had come down with colds due to the chilly weather.

"Turn around, ghoul, and look at me!" Cardinal Eugene seethes, physically grabbing Phantom to turn the ghoul around, grip so strong it would bruise a human easily.

At this move, the ghouls begin pushing their way through the crowd to get to Phantom, trying to move the humans aside gently even in their agitated state, but this made them slower.

"Ghoul, repeat what I fucking told you, and tell me exactly what you just did! That was a priceless vase that has been here for hundreds of years! It is irreplaceable, unlike your sorry waste of space. I've said it again and again that you ghouls aren't disciplined properly and look at what happens! I should have you sent back to the Pits for this after a few weeks of solitary confinement like we used to do to misbehaving little shits like you!"

Phantom had never had the displeasure of being directly confronted by the Cardinal, so the man was angry when Phantom didn't respond to him, not knowing the ghoul had never spoken. He is shaking so terribly its visible to everyone close enough, claws digging into his arms to try and contain the uncontrollable movement. He wants nothing more than to escape, but this Cardinal said he could be sent back, not to mention the solitary confinement. There's no way his anxiety could handle even a day in something like that, let alone weeks. He'd send himself back to the Pits before a week had even been up. Phantom can't go back to the Pits, he can't, he can't he can't he can't-

Quintessance is pouring out of the ghoul as his anxiety runs wild. His eyes and the cracks along his body glow, as well as the streaks in his hair all the while his quintessance physically manifests around him in frantic little sparks that sizzle and pop.

A nearby Sister moves forward to inform the Cardinal that Phantom, like Mountain, doesn't speak and can't reply but the Cardinal seals his fate long before she has the chance.

Cardinal Eugene slaps Phantom harshly, and in the silence of the room it echoes. Fingers catch purposefully on the mask secured to Phantom's face. It clatters to the ground a couple feet away with a thud but no ones eyes are really on the mask, but the wearer as the Cardinal shakes his hand out and slaps him a second time, the myriad of rings adorning his fingers slamming into Phantom's cheekbone. He knows the first didn't do much, and wanted to make sure the punishment stuck.

No one speaks. All is quiet and all eyes are on Phantom's scars. The right side of his face, usually hidden by the mask is now bared for everyone to see. Three long marks like claws are ripped into his face. One goes from his cheek right beside his nose, seeming to glance over his eye and through his eyebrow before disappearing into his hairline.

Another brushes his chin, goes through his lip and then cheekbone where there is a gap before faint marks lead to the torn tip of his ear. The final scar is on his forehead and shoots up into his hairline, where some hair refuses to grow back. The hair there is white, as though when the injury tore through his skin, it also marked a white streak into its path to match his already mismatched hair.

Each scar is surrounded by harsh burns that turn the light purple-grey and lavender of his skin a pale pink, as though whoever made the injuries hand was on fire at the same time.

His right eye is now visible, the same shade as his other eye, but with a faintly milky sheen. Both eyes well up with the black tears common for ghouls, spilling over his cheeks as Phantom lets out a choked sob, hands reaching up to cover his face. This is the first noise they'd ever heard from the younger ghoul, and Dewdrops hair is aflame with his wrath in an instant, already moving to tear the Cardinal apart with his bare hands with vengeful glee.

His voice is faint, a near whisper as he manages to say, "'m sorry, sir."

Cardinal Eugene takes a moment to really get a look at the ghoul and then laughs out his final words, and Dewdrop never gets the chance to tear into him.

"Satan below, no wonder you hide your face! You're a sore sight on the-"

Cardinal Eugene gurgles, blood bubbling past his lips as his entire body is thrown with the full weight of Swiss on his back. With a sickening crack, Swiss tightens his fist around the Cardinals black hair and slams his head into the ground as he removes his other hand where it has plunged into the mans lungs from behind. With force, Swiss slams the Cardinals head into the floor once, twice more, before moving on as the marble cracks under the pressure. He tears into the Cardinals spine, severing it as claws dig into the back of his ribs, the flesh tearing with ease beneath the might of Swiss' fury.

First, there is relief at the Cardinal being away from him, finally. Then, Phantom sees Swiss, still mutilating the dead man, angry for him. Realization strikes through his heart, and his knees tremble with the emotions warring within him.

Slowly, Phantom's knees give out and he slides to the ground, staring blankly ahead, glazed eyes peeking through the gaps in his fingers but not seeing the crowd of onlookers or the body being torn apart in front of him. His vision is filled quickly with Aurora on her knees before him as she tries to pull his hands away from his face with such gentle care.

"No, no, don't look at me." He croaks through his sobbing, voice weak from disuse, shaking his head back and forth desperately.

"You don't need to hide from us Phantom." She whispers, giving up and simply holding his mask out to him.

He takes it quickly, fitting it back in place and holding it there with a white-knuckled hand. So suddenly that his brain simply short circuits, Aurora reaches around and pulls him to herself tightly, arms wrapped around his middle. With no small amount of effort, Aurora calls upon her faint quintessance magic, hoping it will help soothe Phantom at least a little.

"I've- I've not been hugged in- in so long." He whispers, voice breaking off as the strange mixture of despair and elation collide within him.

It was only seconds, but the moment felt like a lifetime as Cumulus and Rain stand off to the side, clearly wanting to join. Phantom's head drops to rest on Aurora's shoulder as he lets himself cry, trying desperately to hide himself from the gazes burning into him.

Cirrus and Mountain, ever the level headed of the bunch despite the snarling and snapping they do at the dead Cardinal, pull Swiss back, away from the corpse and the blood spreading out over the cracked marble floor.

Swiss thrashes, kicking his feet out as though he could close the distance now between himself and the Cardinal and manage to stomp his head in. Eyes glowing brightly and tail lashing back and forth, he still isn't satisfied with the damage done. As Phantom's sobs continue somewhere near him, Swiss knows he will never be satisfied, even if he could tear the man into pieces and stuff him through a shredder a million times over.

Dewdrop paces back and forth, just beside Phantom and Aurora, Rain watching him in concern, but knowing the other ghoul was too hot for him to touch right now. The fire ghoul was smoking, embers bursting to life and winking from existence sporadically as he hissed, claws stretching out and curling back in like he wishes he was the one ripping into the Cardinal. His small horns, bone white at the base that fade into a blood red at the tip, glow with the fire sizzling under his skin.

With a bang, the door to the room flies open and slams against the wall. Papa Emeritus the Fourth stalks in with his robes trailing behind him, white eye glowing brightly as he takes in the state of the room, followed by the Brother that went to retrieve him. His ghouls gathered around Phantom and the blood covering Swiss from the mouth down, and the cooling body of Cardinal Eugene. Papa was quick to stalk up to the scene, a murderous look in his usually kind eyes. Now slightly calmer, Swiss begins to stammer, the fight leaving him quickly at the sight of Copia. "Papa, I- I won't apologize for this. He deserved it! He touched- hurt Phantom."

Copia knows without a doubt that kind-hearted, fun-loving Swiss would never have done something like this unprovoked, ghoul or not. There had only been one incident similar to this, over Dewdrop years ago after his element change. He knows this Cardinal deserved it, knows it was only a matter of time before Copia was forced to deal with the man himself. Always so arrogant, so cruel to the ghouls, to his fellow clergymen, for no reason. It's a wonder the man could consider himself a follower of Satan being so disrespectful to other living beings.

"I know, my ghoul, it is alright. Calm yourself and fix your mask. Cirrus, darling, can you and Mountain clean this up? I'll deal with the fall out with Imperator and Saltarian. You can let Swiss go, I think he's calm enough now, si?" Copia gestures to the ghoul practically vibrating in Mountain and Cirrus' tight but not bruising grips, gaze focused on Phantom, and by extension, Aurora at his side.

As soon as they let Swiss go, he's off like a shot, fluttering about at Phantom's side, not sure what to do with his hands, the young ghoul still on the ground as Aurora keeps her tight hug around his middle. He's sobbing, taking in quiet, choking, painful breaths as he shakes and shakes.

"Can I hug you Phantom? Please?" When Phantom gives a shaky nod, looking at Swiss through watery eyes and reaching out with his available hand, Swiss is already reaching forth to wrap himself around both he and Aurora, uncaring of the blood covering himself.

"Come on, let's get you both back to the den. Papa will deal with everything, and this will never happen again, I swear it."

Easily pulling the two shorter ghouls up with him, Swiss snarls at a Sister who got too close, not caring of the pitying look upon her visage. Phantom doesn't need pity. Pity won't help him, or change whatever happened. Pity didn't move anyone to action when Swiss was a kit, packless and alone, and so, so hungry. Hungry for food, for a safe place to sleep, for love and affection.

Dewdrop and Rain are at their sides in an instant, Cumulus bringing up the rear, making an attempt at a protective barrier between the youngest ghouls and the rest of the clergy, all three ghouls tails lashing about agitatedly as everyone begins the walk back down to the ghoul den. Phantom's tail wraps around Swiss's thigh as they walk, the swirling mists of his magic at the end a tickle against Swiss' thigh.

As they go, Papa Emeritus watches fondly, anger still simmering just under his skin.

First, he addresses the cooling corpse at his feet.

"I, Papa Emeritus the Fourth, Copia Emeritus, head of the Clergy of Satan, request our unholy Lord Lucifer that he strip Cardinal Eugene Simmons of his title and remove the amenities that would be granted to him in Hell. I beseech you, our Lord, that my request be granted for this man has wronged me in a way I will never forgive."

Shocked gasps sound from around him, but Copia pays them no mind, focused on the power within him, and how it swells with glee at being accessed. Copia feels a surge of emotion, not his own nor his ghouls, one of acceptance and care and knows his Lord has answered. Warmth fills him, like a gentle flame, a breeze carrying it through his hair. With reverence, Copia kisses the grucifix clasped in his hand before letting it rest gently near his heart as the chain falls back into place.

The only constant in Copia's life has been his faith, and he prays with every ounce of his heart and soul. Perhaps that is why his Lord so readily hears him, accepts him, cares for him in a way he never heard about from his half-brothers.

He turns to address his Ministry next, those still gathered after Mass has ended.

"Hear this, and be certain everyone at the Ministry knows." He begins, white eye glowing with the power still writhing within him and teeth bared in a snarl reminiscent of the ghouls he's defending.

Clergymen and women back up, eyes wide. They have never seen their beloved Papa this angry before, the man always so kind and awkward, never truly upholding the imposing image of a Papa, unlike Primo or Secondo. "Let this be a lesson, do not ever strike one of my ghouls, or any of the others here. They all fall under my protection and if any one of you dares to harm them, I will send you to our Lord Lucifer for punishment at the hands of the very ghouls you wronged."

Everyone seems to forget that Copia was a nobody before Papacy. By luck he had been granted the position of Cardinal, through his faith in his Lord and the kindness people seem to take for weakness. Sister Imperator had noticed him, how the flame of their Lord seemed to glow within him, granted him the title of Cardinal, and stood behind him despite only being half of the Emeritus bloodline when she pushed for his ascent to Papa Emeritus IV.

He has been alone his entire life, right up until he attained the first of his beloved ghouls, Dewdrop and Mountain, who were his first true friends despite being summoned by Terzo. They were so wary of him at first, as they had every right to be after the death of the Emeritus brothers... after that dreadful photoshoot with Terzo's... fucking head.

When Copia had treated them the same as he treated the other humans, they were both so confused. Even Terzo had kept things distant between them all outside of stage antics, except for his relationship with Omega. Up until that point, every ghoul knew that they were thought of as mere servants, disposable beings meant for their magical abilities despite how much power they held in their hands alone. But when Copia came into power, he started lifting older regulations for the ghouls that were unnecessary or cruel, and Sister Imperator did nothing to stop him. At least, in this matter alone.

The ghouls mattered to someone topside, for once, but never dared bring up any further mistreatment to their dear Papa, who was already so stressed in his position. They were all born and raised in the Pits, and could handle a little rough treatement from some puny humans, if it meant the burden on Copia's shoulders could be lessened.

✨

Phantom could barely see out of his right eye. Packless as he was in the Pits, and from such a young age, he was lucky some scars and an injured eye was most of what he got out of it all. Nevermind the torn ear and the way his smile has never been the same.

He was smiling now though, a tiny little nervous thing that barely stirred the scarring of his lip, clinging to Swiss and not giving any signs of letting go. Swiss would never make him, would destroy the world if that was what the little ghoul wanted. Phantom was finally letting them hold him, love him as they wanted to, and Swiss was reveling in every millisecond the quintessance ghoul was allowing.

His mask was off, lain to the side. No one was going to force or ask it of him, but Phantom had done it all on his own. He had growled out a quiet curse as he just couldn't get comfortable laying on Swiss with it on. In utter frustration, Phantom had ripped the mask off, letting it clatter onto the floor beside the overly large mattress and buried his face back into the crook of Swiss' neck as he clumsily glamored his horns away for easier cuddling.

Noticing Phantom was still shaking like a leaf in the wind, Cumulus had grabbed him a blanket (or three) and laid them all over him. She knows his shaking likely isn't due to being cold, but it makes her feel better to know she tried to help anyway.

A stuttering rumble had started up not long after everyone joined Swiss, Phantom, and Aurora in the common room. It was his first ever ghoul pile, and Swiss hopes Papa will be able to join soon, if at all. Phantom adores the man, clearly, and trusts him more than he trusts them.

Almost as soon as it had started, Phantom's purr cuts off and tries to hide himself further, trying not to jostle Aurora, who had her cheek lain over his lower ribcage. "'m sorry. I know it doesn't sound right."

Answering before anyone else has the chance, Dewdrop is quick to reassure him. "Mine was like that too, at first, and so was Swiss'. Mountain's is more of a low rumble than a purr. It's alright, Phantom, you don't have to worry so much about what we'll think of you. Your purring will improve over time."

Leaning over Swiss, Dewdrop hesitates before placing a gentle kiss into Phantom's hair then settles back between Cirrus and Swiss. Mountain, full length stretched out over the bed, rubs Cumulus back with gentle strokes as the ghoulette lays atop him.

The earth and air ghouls had come back a few minutes prior, eager to check on Phantom, and Rain had went to find Copia when the man hadn't returned quick enough for their liking. He likely got stuck arguing with Saltarian again.

The door to the den opens, seven pairs of eyes zeroing in on the sound with glowing eyes. Rain enters, pulling along an exhausted Copia and everyone relaxes immediately. Rain strips down to his underwear, like everyone else save Phantom who remains in his uniform underclothes, and Copia follows with ease.

"How did it go?" Cirrus asks, moving to lay on her back so Rain can lay on her and lean into Dew at the same time.

From his newly acquired place snuggled into Mountains side, Copia's muffled answer is heard quite easily as Mountain frees an arm to wrap around the man.

"Saltarian was pissed, as expected. He never has liked how 'lenient' I am with the ghouls. Nihil wasn't pleased but didn't put up much of a fight when Sister Imperator let the situation go with nothing more than a reminder to keep you all in check better. Not surprising, considering she leaves you all to me anyway and doesn't care as long as you don't risk the safety of the Clergy."

Cumulus starts running a hand through the mans salt and pepper hair soothingly. Phantom sits up quickly, and the ghouls all shuffle positions so he can do so with ease. Swiss and Aurora follow, not eager to let him go and they drape themselves over or around him while trying not to stifle him too terribly. The red handprint on his face has long since healed, but the echoes of the pain still linger and a dark cloud seems to hover over him.

"I'm so sorry Papa. I- I should have listened to that Cardinal better. Not startled so easily. I caused you trouble- he just- I-" Phantom rambles, tears blurring up his good eye as the other ones vision barely changes.

"My ghoul, it is alright, truly. I should be the one apologizing, as Papa I should never have let Cardinal Eugene keep his position when I first started hearing the rumors of his previous actions against the clergymen and your fellow ghouls. I... To be honest with you all, even though I am Papa, I still get stuck in my mindset of my younger self. I had no power then, and it feels like I still lack it even now, and my insecurity led to inaction that led to you getting hurt."

Mountain sits up, Cumulus staying in his lap, and leans over onto Papa as much as he is able with another body restricting his movements. Long arms wrap around the smaller man, kicking up a deep rumbling purr that reverberates through his body and immediately makes Copia feel a little better. One set of clawed fingers stroke along his forearms lovingly, while Cumulus' wraps an arm around his middle to try and keep him close.

Every ghoul pile is such a mess of limbs and bodies overtop or around each other. Copia wouldn't trade it for the world.

"I don't blame you Papa! I could never. You've done nothing but help me here, and I've done nothing but cause trouble." Phantom exclaims, still so quiet as he does so.

"No, no, Phantom, you're no trouble at all and if you were, I'd welcome it happily. Its my fault. I'm the one who lost composure and killed the fucker." Swiss butts in, iridescent eyes glowing with the shadows of his past fury, "He laid hands on you, and I'd kill him again and anyone else without a thought if they try anything similar to you or the rest of our pack."

"Phantom..." Rain begins, turning his thoughts around in his mind to try and figure out how to put his next words as the finned tip of his tail that resembles that of a beta fish mixed with something a little more fantastical begins to sway in thought, "Swiss and Dewdrop understand you better than you think, but there's even things they can't figure out, or don't know how to help with. We... the pack, we want to help you, and love you, if you'll allow it. But we need to know how to do that. You'll have to trust us, at least a little bit with your heart. You don't need to be afraid anymore."

Phantom stares, tightening the blankets around himself as the tears in his eyes finally bubble over and slip down his cheeks. His shaking is back full force and he just wants to hide. He doesn't know what to do. He's never had a pack before, he doesn't know how to act, or if he is over or understepping boundaries.

"My sire did this to me." Phantom starts instead of answering Rain, voice cracking and breaking from emotion and disuse, "I'm fully quintessance, but both of my parents were fire. I look like the both of them, my dam had said. But my sire was convinced she'd slept with someone else without proper communication between them, despite them agreeing to be a mated duo. She was the best mother anyone could have asked for, and I didn't care if she really loved my father or not. He was always distant and cold after I was born."

Phantom has to take a breath, voice hoarse as Cirrus gets up to retrieve a bottle of water. "It was harder on my dam, who knew him before for obvious reasons. She always said he used to be so kind, but I could never quite manage to picture it. His anger and aggression couldn't have just appeared overnight. He hated me. I suppose the sight of me grew to be too much eventually, and he killed my mother for her supposed betrayal, then went after me. I was young then, and didn't really know what was going on."

"My magic before that point was weak, unstable. I couldn't control it and my sire always used it as a means to put me down. But then he did this to my face, and all the quintessance magic that had built up inside of me over the years now had a prime target. When I was finally able to open my eyes after the purple light flooded my vision, my sire was gone. Everything around me was gone for at least fifty feet. I passed out after that, and when I awoke I could feel my own magic healing the wounds... it was- it wasn't comfortable and the scars never left."

"No one in the village would help me. I was a scarred quintessance ghoul in a village of fire ghouls, with nothing but fire villages around for days. No matter how young I was, they were wary and so left me on my own. I've been alone ever since then, and other ghouls grew more wary the older I got. Quintessance ghouls, I hear, are the least likely of all ghouls to be packless due to the nature of our magic and how it connects us to others."

Phantom curls into the blankets when he finishes, sinking into the warmth of Swiss at his back. The ghouls press closer, the pile becoming a tighter fit but they all manage.

"You must have been so lonely." Aurora says first, everyone else still gathering their thoughts. "Your village failed you. Your father failed you. Kits are to always be protected, no matter the element, no matter their physical state!"

"Aurora darling, ghouls preach about protecting the kits, but if you're different, they can be as bad as humans. Dewdrop and Swiss were packless as well, for similar reasons." Cirrus says, reaching a hand over everyone towards the other ghoulette, who takes it as tears well in her eyes.

"But its not right!" Aurora exclaims, burying her face into Phantom's ribs.

"It isn't, and so I take care of my ghouls as best as I can. It makes no difference in Hell, but here, I'm trying to make things better for you all. No ghoul here is packless unless they choose so, regardless of their state of being."

After a few moments of silence, the ghouls simply basking in the closeness of each other and their beloved Papa, Phantom speaks up once more.

"I'm sorry I haven't spoken 'til now. I was scared and that fear made it- so hard to speak to you. Like my throat had closed up and no words would come out. You were all so different from what I'm used to... so kind, thoughtful, so accommodating to my silence, and you all look at me like- like I'm worth something. I wasn't sure if I could trust you all, but I wanted to, I really did. When Swiss- when Swiss killed that man for hurting me, it was like something finally clicked within me and I knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that I could really trust you."

"Its okay to be scared Phantom. Swiss was too, at first, but he hid his fear with smiles and jokes. I was an asshole to everyone around me, its a wonder Terzo let me stay at all." Dewdrop explains kindly.

"Mountain doesn't speak often, as you know, and if you ever want to be silent, you can. We won't hold it against you, and its perfectly fine to do. You'll just need to learn sign, Cirrus is the best of us at it, so she and Mounty can teach you." Copia says, reaching out to place a gentle hand on Phantom's ankle.

"Thank you, Papa. I appreciate everything you've done for me. Is it- Can- I don't want to talk anymore, for now." Phantom chokes out through a hiccuping sob.

"Of course, my beloved ghoul."

When that conversation dies down, the pack focusing on calming down and comforting Phantom, shaking with fresh sobs but happy, so happy, they move on to other things. Lighter topics, like Dewdrop sharing the latest gossip from loose lips uncaring of the presence of a ghoul and Mountain updating everyone on the state of his greenhouse plants in Primo's garden. Rain, ever the opportunist, shifts positions with Dewdrop and the fire ghoul, lost in his conversation with Cumulus about this new braiding style he'd seen one of the Brothers sporting and wanted to try, lets him.

Purrs rumble low in everyone's chests, except for Papa of course, and Phantom lets his stuttering one loose, knowing now, despite his continued anxiety, that they won't judge him for it.

"Wait a fucking second!" Dewdrop sits up suddenly as everyone settles down to sleep, heterochromatic eyes wide with indignation as his hair flames up gently, "Swiss did you take a fucking shower? You did not! Go on, you're getting blood all over the bed- Rain! Stop licking the blood off his arm, thats disgusting, you don't know if that Cardinal was vaccinated or not."

Swiss and Rain let out joint whines of despair, for differing reasons.

"But I'm hungry!"

"I don't wanna move~ It's so comfy here."

"Rain, princess, sweetheart, love of my life, you can just ask one of us. You know that! Swiss, shower, right now. You managed to get it past your fucking uniform. Were you working with your sleeves rolled up again? You know Sister Imperator will give you bathroom duty again if she sees you."

Rain manages to look properly chastised, leaning over to whisper in Cirrus' ear. Within seconds, his two rows of razor-sharp teeth are gently biting into the inside of her elbow, forked tongue catching any blood that spills past his lips. Swiss, on the other hand, still looks to be defiant with a sweet little smirk pulling at his lips, and Dewdrop's hair flames up in an instant just to be dramatic.

"Mounty, be a dear and go toss Swiss in the bath, will you?" With a simple bat of Dewdrop's pale eyelashes, Mountain is up and tossing Swiss over his shoulder, tail swishing excitedly behind him.

Copia lets out a full body laugh as everyone turns to watch the two go. Swiss, one arm propping his head up as it rests against Mountain's back, is grinning widely in triumph.

Ghoul got what he wanted, clearly, if the satisfied flicking of his fluffy tail is anything to go by, or the mischievous glint in his iridescent eyes.

"That shithead probably had that planned from the start, insatiable as he is." Dewdrop mutters before turning to Phantom, "Let's get you a change of clothes. You'll be permitted to go out shopping for your own things soon, but mine have done well enough so far despite the length issues."

Phantom nods with a small smile pulled wider by the scars on his cheek and lip, standing and bringing the blankets with him. He reaches for his mask and places it back on, eager for the comfort it still provides even if he knows the pack won't judge him.

He feels it then, a gentle caress on the door of his mind, its warm like Dew's hand as he carefully leads him down the hallway towards his room. Phantom, with a bit of struggle at the new sensation, opens that door, allowing that warm presence to speak to him.

'I'm sorry for what happened today.' Dewdrop's voice is gentle, more gentle than Phantom has ever heard it aloud.

'It wasn't your fault. You don't need to apologize. Besides, Swiss more than made up for it.' Phantom replies truthfully. 'I've never had someone defend me like that. No one in the Pits cared enough.'

'Any one of us would do just as Swiss did. He just happened to beat me to it, actually.' Dew admits easily, searching through his drawers for something that might fit Phantom.

He pulls out a plain black tee and hands it over before going to rummage through his closet. As Phantom changes into the new shirt and folds his uniform top as neatly as he can manage before placing his mask back on, Dewdrop lets out a small yip of excitement.

The fire ghoul turns around, the blue and red of his heterochromatic eyes alight with anticipation, and maybe a little bit of fear. He holds out something wrapped in a paper bag, held closed by black hairtie.

"For you, a present." Dewdrop says aloud, and slowly, as though the item will attack him, Phantom reaches out to take it, beginning a cautious endeavor to open it.

"I got it in town a few days ago. I don't even know if you'll like it, or if it will fit. You've not had the chance to really figure out your tastes. Not to mention how surprised I was when I saw Halloween items this time of year but I see you hanging around the bats in the rafters a lot so I figured-"

With a whoosh of air and a resounding thud, Dewdrop falls back into the doors of his closet as Phantom launches himself into his arms, taller than himself by a few inches. In one hand clutched tightly is a pair of grey pajama pants, smiling bats printed all over.

Dewdrop winces as his aching back flares up with more pain yet continues to smile as Phantom's neverending wave of 'thank you's' reverberate through his skull. The quintessance ghoul is radiating such intense feelings of happiness and gratefulness that Dew is surprised he doesn't burst with it at the seams.

"You're welcome. Now go on, try them on." Dew directs, happy to see the other ghoul so happy after so long of small, nervous smiles.

After being asked to turn around, Dew does so and waits for Phantom's permission to face him again. Excited as he is, Phantom begins ripping off his pants before Dewdrop fully turns around and the fire ghoul catches a glimpse of the others vitiligo markings down his legs.

A gentle tug at his sleeve has Dew turning to face Phantom again, and there's such a wide smile on the other ghouls face as quintessance sparks around him that Dew can't help but grin back.

The pajama pants are far too long. They were a few inches past Phantom's ankle and dragged on the floor heavily. That's not even to mention how tightly Phantom had to tie the strings around the waist, and the pj's were still too loose, riding low on his hips and threatening to slip off entirely. Dewdrop was worried he would get a pair too small, but now it seems the pajamas are far too large. They look more likely to fit Swiss properly.

"Fuck, they're too big. We can take them back to-"

With a growl, Phantom leaps away to the other side of the room. 'No! They're mine! You gave them to me so I'm keeping them.'

"I only meant we could exchange them for a pair that fits better." Dew explains, but Phantom is vehemently shaking his head in refusal.

'Mine.' The stars in Phantom's eyes are bright as his magic swirls in them like a galaxy, his star freckles glowing brightly.

Acquiescing for now, Dewdrop gets Phantom to calm down enough for his marks to stop glowing quite so bright, fading back into the translucent like veins that grow more prominent as they pass over his jaw. Moving closer again, Phantom hesitates before asking shyly to hold Dew's hand again.

"Of course. You don't have to ask everytime unless my hands are full or we're in the presence of higher ups excluding Papa." Dew reassures, offering his hand up but letting Phantom make the move to grab it.

When he does, there is a slow slide of contentment down the pack bond and Dew smiles, happy to see that Phantom's body craves affection and can accept it. It had been so difficult for Swiss when he'd first arrived, to long for touch so deeply but his own body rejected it with tingles of unpleasantness that had to be drowned so slowly. Now the multighoul couldn't get enough of physical touch, and Dew knows Phantom will be the same way.

Grinning sleepily, Phantom sways with the motion of his tail as his visible eye droops shut. "Let's get you to bed. You've had a difficult day."

Phantom leans heavily on Dew as they make their way back to the common room, head leaning on Dewdrops shoulder with his back hunched into what must be an uncomfortable position, letting go of his hand to wrap both arms around one of Dew's own instead. The curls of his black and white hair tickle Dewdrops neck as they make their way down the hall, brushing against the scarring left behind after his gills were melted shut.

They could hear Swiss and Mountain as they passed by the bathroom, and Dewdrop laughs at the curiosity on Phantom's face, wondering if he'll have the courage to ask. A breathy moan reaches their ears just as they fully pass the door and Phantom's visible cheek and the tip of his ears turn a deeper shade of purple.

Back in the common room, everyone else seems to have gotten comfy after changing into their sleepwear. For some, like Rain, that meant completely naked in order to stay as cool as possible, and Dewdrop needed to stay as warm as possible so he was fully clothed in his warmest pajamas. That's not even to mention how the fire ghoul will hoard the blankets and lay claim on Mountain's chest once he and Swiss come to bed.

Phantom, seeing how everyone is so familiar with each other, even Papa who is holding Cirrus to himself lovingly as he leans on Rain's shoulder, wonders how he is supposed to fit in. Did he already miss his chance to truly become part of the pack, since it took him so long to get over his fears-

Aurora jumps up from where Cumulus was fishtail braiding her watercolor rainbow hair back, bouncing on the bed with clumsy steps to reach Phantom and Dewdrop. She pauses just before Phantom, fanged smile wide and cheery and showing off her freshly done smiley piercing. There is hesitation in her lavender eyes as she wrings her blush pink hands.

"Are you going to sleep with us this time?"

Phantom nods without any doubt, wanting to truly experience the ghoul piles he has seen nearly every day since being summoned. Aurora launches herself at him with a laugh, holding him close as Phantom melts into her embrace. "I call dibs on first to cuddle Phantom in his first pile!" She exclaims, already falling backwards and pulling Phantom down with her.

Dewdrop manages to let go of the quintessance ghouls hand before he's dragged down too. His back could not handle that right now. Instead, he makes his way over to Rain and Papa as he says "Aurora darling, by all means you and Swiss already claimed that before I sent us all off to get ready for bed."

Aurora lets out an indignant squawk even as she gently runs her fingers through Phantom's loose curls and strokes over the scaled curves and nubs of his black and violet ombre horns. Said ghoul has started up a quiet, stuttering purr as his tail swishes back and forth by their feet contentedly. Sparks of quintessance tickle Aurora's hands and other bits of bare skin, the stars on his cheeks and dotting his horns glowing gently with his contentment. The others begin to settle around them, not caring that they've taken up one edge of the bed. Eventually, Swiss and Mountain make their way back to the common room, completely unglamored, and Mountain has to duck under the light fixture to avoid shattering the fragile glass with his antler-like horns and sheer height. Swiss takes one glance at Aurora holding Phantom close and grins, diving to Aurora's side and wrapping both of them in his arms and pulling them to his larger frame. He smells of sex and Mountain, yet still something entirely just him and Phantom revels in it. One action to protect him led to Phantom regarding Swiss as safe.

"Little bug, I'm glad to see you're wearing the pajamas Dew got you. He's been talking our ears off in his worry over whether you'd like them." Swiss comments, and Phantom eagerly sends down a wave of thankfulness towards Swiss' bond, towards that door in his mind that wafts the essence of the multighoul's soul.

Cumulus, finishing off the second of two thick braids of her own curly white hair, moves to begin brushing Dew's as Cirrus happily lays herself over Cumulus' back with a sleepy smirk. Copia is already snoring at the head of the bed, wrapped in at least two blankets that were lovingly tucked in. His makeup has been removed, and the man has changed into what is clearly one of Cumulu's shirts.

With ease, Mountain picks all three ghouls up and lays them up by Papa as though they weighed next to nothing. Phantom is so busy basking in the safesafesafe flooding his entire system that he doesn't even care.

Everyone begins to cluster up to cuddle and sleep, gravitating around Aurora and Phantom with extra blankets or pillows, like Dewdrop and the ghoulettes, or absolutely no cover at all like Rain, who is completely naked and content to simply use Papa for warmth as the one with the lowest temperature aside from himself.

"Would you like your mask off, Phantom? You don't have to remove it if you don't want, but I can't imagine its comfortable to sleep in." Cirrus asks, closest to the three still attached and the one brave enough to ask first as everyone begins to settle.

Phantom is hesitant but agrees, and Cirrus reaches over to gently remove it. Once its placed off to the side carefully, Cirrus carefully cups Phantom's scarred cheek in her well-manicured hands, gazing upon their quintessance ghoul with quiet adoration. "I'm proud of you for opening up to us, we all are."

Adding on as tears well up in Phantom's eyes again, "You're beautiful, and we're glad to have you."

'But I replaced Aether, I- I'm scarred and can't control my magic properly-' He sends down the bond, frantic, like he needs them to know his faults and expects rejection for it, wants to be rejected, like it will be safer for his heart even as it cracks in his chest.

"Aether is still here topside, and we'll see him soon I imagine. Saltarian can't keep him and Sunshine away from us forever. That's enough for now, the hope for that future. And you may have been summoned to take Aether's spot in the band, but we have never thought of you as a replacement. You're a welcome addition, you and Aurora. You're pack, whether you're in the band or not, just the same as with Aether and Sunshine. Your magic will grow easier to control in time, with practice, so don't worry so much about that."

"As for you being scarred, that truly means nothing to us. I'm sorry that you went through something so terrible that it managed to scar a ghoul but your scars do not make up your entire existence. You're far more than the marks left upon your skin, and they are not all we see when we look at you." Cirrus finishes, wiping Phantom's tears as they slip over his the bridge of his nose.

Swiss kisses his hair as Aurora pulls him closer. Dewdrop, with his hair finished, wraps a hand around his bicep as the others reach out to comfort the young ghoul in any way they can with physical contact. Papa continues snoring as Rain holds the man close in his blanket cocoon. Mountain, content to watch everyone fall asleep first, is a silent but steady presence. Cumulus has made herself comfortable on Cirrus' other side as she wants for the ghoulette to lay down.

'Thank you.' Phantom's elation floods the pack bond, infecting everyone with a happy buzz that settles them further.

Cirrus rubs a thumb over the scarring on his lip, smiling at the way it lifts the ghouls own grin into something a bit lopsided but so blindingly pretty, so full of light, it almost hurts to look at.

Phantom has never been so comfortable in his entire life, has never felt so safe in the company of others. He has a pack now, and they accept him as he is, scars and unstable magic and all.

[rachelambery]

apologies.

Janis Ian x Regina George - College AU! (No Cady)

warnings : angst ! sexual tones , fluff ... uhm i think that's it

"It's so nice in here!" Gretchen says, squealing and flapping her hands. Regina takes in the room, the plain walls, wooden bed frames. "Ugh." She sighs and places the bin she had in her hand onto the ground. Her and Gretchen make their way out of the dorm and back to her car grabbing their bags of clothes. Out of the corner of Regina's eyes, she catches a glimpse of black hair and a maxi skirt. looks like Janis. She brushes the thought off and continues upstairs behind Gretchen.

Even after taking the time to unpack and decorate her dorm, the thought of the Janis lookalike still lingers in her brain. "Do you ever feel bad for what we did to Janis?" Regina asks, plopping down on her beds, sliding off her shoes. "Uhm.. Sometimes, but it's been so long that it doesn't really bother me anymore," Gretchen says as she pins up a poster to the wall. "Why?" She adds on at the end. "No.. No reason." She smiles.

---

"Do you wanna go out? You've been down all day. There's a party in one of the frat houses, I'm sure there's a guy who will take your mind off things." Gretchen offers up, sifting through her clothes, looking for a good outfit. Regina nods and does the same, after a few minutes of looking she settles on an outfit. "Aren't college boys like.. really gross?" Regina questions, zipping up her boots. "I guess," Gretchen doesn't look away from the mirror as she does her makeup. "But some of them are nice, and clean." She shrugs casually. "Okay." She responds, kind of against the whole idea.

---

As they enter the house, there's a mob of people at the front, causing entering to be almost impossible. It's crowded, and nasty. "Fuck it's gross in here." Regina says under her breath. "HUH?!" Gretchen replies, already having hearing loss by the loud ass music and all the people talking. "NOTHING" Regina yells back, pushing through groups of people until she made it to the kitchen. She looks for someone she knows, but to no avail. Grabbing a cup and some vodka will suffice, as she throws back pure vodka she looks around for Gretchen, seeing her in the corner of the party with a guy already.

"Hey! Regina George!" A taller man says, Regina looks at him confused. Trying to figure out how the hell she knows this dude. "I sat next to you in Econ!" He adds in, noticing Regina's confused expression. Which, didn't leave. 'Did I even take econ? Who the fuck is this man. Why am I at this party.' Are all the thoughts running through her head. "Oh! Yeah.." She awkwardly replies. He starts talking, but Regina's already uninterested, saying 'Mhm, Yeah, and For sure.' at every opportunity possible.

As she takes in her surroundings, trying to ignore this dude. The same girl catches her attention. Maxi skirt, Black hair with messy bangs, Loud boots. But this time instead of thinking it's a Janis lookalike, it clicks. That's Janis! She practically breaks, she looks just as good as she did in highschool.

What am I thinking? Is all that runs through her head, maybe it's the alcohol. She hasn't even had that much. As she clicks back into the present, the man is still there. "Excuse me." She says, pushing around him. Her eyes follow the presence that Janis has. She slides through a few people, managing to make it just a few inches away from her. Right as she's near her, Janis turns around, her drink sloshing around a bit. "Oh my god I am so sorry-" She cuts herself off as her gaze moves from the stain on Regina's shirt to her face. "Regina." Her arms cross and her body tilts. "Janis." She nods, "I saw you and I wanted to talk to you." Her tone is very clearly uneasy, apologetic. "Go ahead." Janis licks her bottom lip before biting it lightly.

God. She looks good. Nope, she can't think that. "I'm sorry, for the whole lesbian accusation, and being a bitch to you." She's tense, she can't tell why she's apologizing, or what she's feeling. "So now you're apologizing?" Her mouth hangs open, complete disbelief. "I don't think I ever hated you. I think I had a thing for you." It spills out, she tries to pull it back in, eyes opening, mouth opening, her head moves around frantically. Janis's expression has changed, mouth still agape, eyebrows furrowed.

"For me?" She laughs lightly, Regina can't even respond. I mean she didn't lie, she only doubled down back in highschool to cover up her crush. "Jesus christ." Is all she can utter before walking away from her, pushing people away as she walks away. "Regina!" Gretchen calls out. "What happened." She matches Regina's pace "We're going back to the dorm." Her tone is flat, inside all she can feel is a fire, it's painful and it's killing her, the second the door opens and they make it away from the house she breathes deep, talking to Gretchen. "I admitted to Janis that I had a crush on her in highschool." Gretchen's face mirrors what Janis's looked like when she told her the same thing. "I'm never leaving our dorm." Is all she says before an uncomfortable silence falls over the two of them.

-----

She opens the dorm, jumping into her bed, sliding her shoes off. Hitting the wall with a bang, she passes out just minutes later.

-----

When she wakes up just a few minutes later, her phone lights up.

JanisIIIan_. sent a message request!

She picks her phone up and immediately reads the message

So you liked me in highschool?

Accept.

I did.

so outing me to everyone and being a unbelievable cunt to me was your way of flirting?

...

I guess.

and how'd you end up at an art school?

cosmetology program.

Janis i'm sorry, i know what i did was wrong.

you looked really good tonight.

Thank you. So did you.

I wanna see you again.

You do?

There's another party tonight. I need a buffer, just incase this is a sick joke.

it's not, I promise. I'll see you there.

Janis reacted ♥️

Regina put her phone down, she can't sleep this time, she's taking over her brain.

----

"Do I look good?" She turns around and looks at Gretchen, flattening her jeans down. "Yes!" She smiles proudly. Regina nods and sits down to put on her shoes "So.. who are you trying to impress?" Gretchen asks excitedly. Regina thinks for a second. "Oh, some dude from my Econn class invited me out. I wanna look cute." She swallows the truth like a sour pill, something feels wrong about hiding this. Gretchen was the only person who knew in highschool, and Karen. But she probably forgot it immediately.

----

She steps inside the party, ears practically falling off at the volume of everything. Her eyes look around the crowds, but it's hard to find your dark haired emo girl when every other person is a dark haired emo girl. "What type of fucking party is this." she utters under her breath, pushing through people until her eyes land on a pair of black and gray stripped socks. "Janis!" Regina utters to her as she practically pushes people down. She turns around, scanning her up and down. "You look really good." Is all that falls from her mouth, a comfortable silence sits for a second as they situate with eachothers company. "What kind of party is this?" Regina asks, Janis begins to move forward towards a ratted couch a little bit away from the bulk of the people. "It's my people." She utters. "You may be the only person wearing pink on here." She giggles lightly. She sounds so pretty, why is it so hard to talk to her. "Are you even a lesbian?" Regina questions, fidgeting with her charm bracelet. "I realized it was never confirmed." She stutters out, refusing to look in her eyes

Janis nods. "That's why I got so mad." She adjusts how she's sitting, her legs open wide. Is it wild to think about sitting on her lap? yes. But she can't shake the thought out of her head, or any thought of Janis. They're romantic, and she hadn't had these type of thoughts in months. Not since senior prom, when the last thing she saw before winning was Janis's face in the crowd. It was hard to look away, and at that point, she'd convinced herself well that she hated Janis. That she despised her, she knew the butterflies in her stomach meant something. But her brain didn't wanna say the truth.

"Now the bigger question is.. are you a lesbian? Or just searching for a fun little experiment." Her tone is a mix between teasing and accusation, feels like she's laughing along with her, and that she's pointing fingers. "I've never been with a girl. But I've never liked any of the men i've dated." She practically swallows all possible air in the room. "So I'd say yes." She says with a tone of uncertainty, she's never said that out loud, that she likes girls. Or hated all her other boyfriends. She looks around the room as if someone will get her, she'll lose her crown. She'll lose everything. But lo and behold. No one gives a shit, no one bats an eye. It's nice, but embarrassing for her, that the secret she's held for so long seems to hold no weight.

"I wanna kiss you." She blurts out, she's never been this awkward with someone, its practically unseen for her, and she can't fathom why it's so hard to speak, or breathe, or- Her thoughts are cut short but Janis's lips crashing into Regina's, the kiss is needy, like it'll turn Regina back into a princess, her hands find Janis's cheek. Janis pulls away for a second, Regina looks at her through her lashes. "I liked that." Jesus fuck she's awkward right now. She's internally cringing everytime she opens her mouth, it's unreal how bad this is, her words just fall flat. A soft laugh erupts from Janis.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time." Janis admits, Regina's hand moves towards Janis's lips, clearing off the sparkles that she'd transferred "Made you shine." She utters while doing it. "You're being so awkward." She giggles at her. "It's really cute."

--

hayyyy should i do a part 2 to this or should i nawt 😊🎉

[kerubimcrepin]

Live-read: The Wheel of Destiny #1, Atcham.

You can find this article on the Dofus MMO’s site, by simply googling it.

Before I begin this post I want to acknowledge multiple things:

On the hierarchy of canonical media, web articles are like... the bottom of the barrel. I already suspected this, but season 4 fully retconning Eva's parents from the lore articles sealed the deal. For this reason, take these as nothing but the sort of canon that will get retconned at the first available opportunity.

I recently found out that the Wheel of Destiny 8, the one about Kerubim, seems to use stolen fanart by Flowerimh, which is sad. I don't know where else to put this, because I don't want to make a separate post about this. Flowerimh isn't even active anymore...

Despite these two things, let us proceed to read this article together:

So, this article happens anywhere from one year to a decade before Joris was born, and at this time, Atcham and Julith were already acquainted and spending free time together.

Spoiler alert: They are searching for Kerubim.

Keke getting called a "precious runt" is on par with the shit Joris gets called. Wonderful. I do wonder why they would search for him in Brakmar. Someone confused him for Atcham? Maybe they asked Kerubim himself, and he didn't want to deal with them, and so, sent them to Brakmar on a wild goose chase?

I will not be asking "what did he do" because, like, Fifi Pretty Calves exists. He has enough enemies to have a price on his head.

I am literally in love with him, and every single way he is described in this part of the text.

"He had a preference for sibilant sounds", "Aw, poor little puppy", "the only reason he hadn't robbed them blind is because he wanted to know more".

He was so excited.... he thought they wanted him (not carnally).... 😢

He takes a lot of pride in his work and insane behaviours.

Atcham considers himself an extraordinary adventurer and a valiant fighter. AND HE ISSSSSS. But it is interesting that besides being a killer for hire, he probably also adventures.

[Taps this meme I made about Kerubim and Atcham once again]

He was so ready to be the one people wanted to kill just once, and they ruined his whole fucking evening.

Imagine this being your day-to-day life, for decades. Just people laughing at you, laughing because you still hadn't caught on that you're the joke, and laughing when you finally understand that, and get upset.

Laughing about you behind your back, to some random stranger, too. Because they still hadn't realized they're literally talking about him.

I think this is a good time to say that I headcanon Atcham as autistic. It is simply a headcanon, but one rooted in the themes of his character. I think it is a fitting conclusion, (albeit, just like my hcs of Joris having ADHD and OCD and Kerubim having comorbid BPD and HPD, very accidental one, on part of the writers).

I could talk for hours on the way neurodivergence, disability, body issues, and violence-as-response-to-abuse intersect in Atcham's character, — or the way he hates everyone preemptively, because he knows that they will probably hurt him, yet still tries to be at least a bit kind and fair to others (....who aren't Kerubim).

I am probably not autistic, — however, I am neurodivergent, and I love & relate to him, so yeah. Always rotating this bingus in my brain.

Imagine this being your whole life.

I read descriptions of Atcham being cool and fast, and all the analysis leaves my brain as I say "awooga hummina hummina".

The fact that nobody ever wed him is literally so unrealistic, like WHAT DO YOU MEAN you don't want the weird, mentally ill, neurodivergent twink.

We never see Atcham's home in Brakmar, but from the description of "tattered", and the way his bed looks in the comic panel I inserted earlier in the post, it is safe to say his home is the definition of "girlrotting". It probably smells. Bad.

Says the woman whose kindness will also be the death of her, — and her ruthlessness too.

Because of her visiting his home so nonchalantly, and their interactions as a whole, I like to view Atcham and Julith as somewhat close friends, — as close as two very emotionally repressed people, who have a huge age difference, and don't like to admit that they feel anything positive, can be.

He probably didn't mourn her, — not after she was presumed dead for ten years, and not after she died for real.

But he probably still thinks about her, once in a while.

[tadpoleatemybrain]

How In the Hells?

Astarion x gender-neutral Generi-Tav (I don't make good Tavs T_T)

Words: 1k-1.5k

Tw: pregnancy, mentions of abortion

"What?" The question left Astarion’s lips before he could even attempt to stop himself. Confusion and disbelief were transparent in his expression. Voice soft and questioning. Not the reaction anyone would have anticipated from someone who had just been told he was about to become a father. The doctor even seemed a bit surprised. Reactions to this particular revelation varied wildly, but they usually leaned more towards happiness or unhappiness, not disbelief.

"You're sure?" Tav questioned, seeming equally doubtful. 

"Yes, the tests were all positive. You’re pregnant." The doctor confirmed, growing a bit weary. Why was a couple with this configuration confused that pregnancy had occurred? Of course, said couple hadn’t been…entirely truthful. As they couldn’t know everyone’s general opinion on vampires it had been in their best interest to conceal that little detail. Mostly just covering the neck holes. Hoping the red eyes and paleness could be explained away.

"Yay, darling, we're so excited, aren't we?" Astarion said with feigned excitement, an attempt to gloss over his first reaction. A smile painted on as he took Tav's hand. Yet, both looked into each other's eyes bewildered. 

This wasn't a possibility they had ever considered and therefore taken no steps to prevent...obviously. They had assumed one partner being undead had removed that potential. Naturally throwing caution to the wind during what most would have considered their honeymoon. 

What a honeymoon it had been too. Traveling the coast, hunting monsters, resting in each other's arms every night. Just the two of them. Truly everything the couple could have hoped for and then some. It had only been cut short by Tav's sudden fatigue and consistent nausea. Quickly pivoting to getting to the closest settlement and seeking out whatever healer they had available. Fortunately, the first village they found had a doctor.

The pair listened to the doctor inform them of what to expect, what steps to take, and when they should come back for checkups. Yet, the words weren't quite sticking. How could they when the doctor was speaking on a normal pregnancy and nothing about this was normal. They didn’t dare to bring this up to the doctor either, doubting that he would have any experience on this topic.

When the two were finally alone again, the act dropped. Able to fully expose their confusion and panic. 

The two lines were spoken simultaneously. 

"How in the hells am I pregnant?!" 

"How in the hells are you pregnant?!" 

It was almost a relief for the two to share the sentiment. Able to trust each other enough not to minimize their reactions. However, their opinions on the matter couldn’t be any more different. One was filled with a sense of hope and joy and the other could only feel dread.

“This is…this is…wow. Unexpected definitely. Gods, what are we going to do?” Tav asked.

"Well, obviously, we need to get rid of it. The sooner, the better." Astarion stated. Firmly believing that nothing good could come of this. That this had to be some sort of fluke or worse some sort of curse. What would cause him to think any other way?

So many questions filled his mind. Who did one even call for that? How did that procedure even work in this scenario? Could it? Where would they have to go? If anyone knew this information it certainly couldn't be common. Hells Astarion didn’t even know a word for this whatever this thing inside of Tav was. Could it even be called a baby?

"What?" Tav asked as if the wind had been knocked out of them. This miraculous gift had been given to them, and he didn't want it? Shouldn't he be overjoyed? An opportunity to have a family together. Something they had thought they had to abandon. Yet here it was.

"You've already had one parasite inside you, you want another?" 

"A parasite?! It's a child! Our child!" Tav shouted. Clearly pissed at the comparison. A baby wasn’t a mind-flayer tadpole. 

“We have to assume it's at least partially a vampire and what do vampires need? Blood. Where is the blood Tav? Inside you. Where is the baby? Also inside you! Do you not see the problem?!”

"I've sustained you, haven't I?! I think I can handle another!" They retorted.

"That’s different. I have consciousness. I have control. I want to protect you. That-" He pointed to their stomach. 

"doesn't. All it wants to do is live and it will, even at your expense. Gods, why is this even an argument?!" The vampire replied exasperated. Running his hand through his hair. Why was he so much more concerned about the ramifications of this than Tav was? It was their life that was in jeopardy. They sunk into a chair. It would be a lie to say that they weren’t concerned at all. His points were valid, but there was a counterpoint to be made.

“What if it’s not even a vampire at all? What if that can’t be passed down? It could be a half-elf.” What if the elf part was all that could be passed on? If that was the case then the largest part of his concerns went out the window. A half-elf pregnancy wasn’t uncommon. Surely something any doctor could handle.

“That feels incredibly optimistic. Do forgive me for not sharing in it, but we have to think in the worst case.” Given how most things in his life had gone it wasn’t odd for him to believe that things would continue to go wrong. Optimism was still quite new to the vampire.

"Astarion, we can figure this out. One way or the other. After everything we've been through I think we can handle a baby. What if…what if we never have another chance?" Tav looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"We've been fine without it and we already planned a life without it. Why is that suddenly ch-" Tav cut him off.

"Because we didn't think we could, but now we can. That has changed everything." They stood up and took his hand.

"You're set on this aren't you?" He sighed as his thumb rubbed over the back of their hand.

"Please, can we at least try? If-if it gets bad we’ll get help.” There were a few people they could turn to. How helpful they would be in this particular instance…well that would remain to be seen. Of course, they were going to look into this as much as possible before they decided to get anyone else involved. There were dozens of libraries on the coast including Candlekeep, surely at least one of them would have something regarding this. However, getting into Candlekeep was easier said than done.

“Alright, but if this goes terribly I won’t hesitate. I just got you Tav, and I won’t be losing you so soon. I can’t…” Tav heard the break in his voice and pulled him into a hug. 

“I think you’re worrying too much. We just need to change some plans, do a little research and everything will be fine.” They said reassuringly.

“This does change all of our plans doesn’t it?” They couldn’t continue to travel and slay monsters with a little one in tow. Now they would have to consider settling down, getting steady jobs, and putting down roots. All things they had intended to do at some point, but now so much sooner than before and with one other to account for.

“Mhmm, but we’ve always been pretty good at adjusting plans.” Tav looked up at him with a soft smile.

“A rogue is nothing if not adaptable.” Astarion agreed.