#Eurovision ranking 2022

[eurovision-del]

Finland have definitely become one to watch in recent years, so going into Eurovision season they were one of the countries I was most excited for! With UMK happening this weekend, here's my ranking of the competing songs:

Mikael Gabriel & Nublu – Vox populi

Sini Sabotage – Kuori mua

Jesse Markin – Glow

Cyan Kicks – Dancing With Demons

Sexmane – Mania

Sara Siipola – Paskana

Windows95man – No Rules!

Despite being just seven songs, this was a super hard selection to rank – honestly you could ask me tomorrow and I’d probably switch them around again. This is a very even competition in my eyes - every song is good in its own way and I enjoy them all, but there's no standout. I was in a weird position after my first listen through all these songs when they were released where I felt really positive about this selection, but then struggled to recall any individual song. A couple of weeks to get familiar with them all has definitely helped.

Right now, I think my favourite is Vox populi. It’s a super fun track, their style of Eurodance with the slightly rockier guitars and drums creates this fantastic energy – it’s great pump up music. It’s also pretty cool that it’s bilingual, with a rap verse each in Finnish and Estonian. In fact, we’ve got a fair amount of rap and hip-hop here which I love to see, since I feel they're genres that go underrepresented in Eurovision and national finals in general. Even better, they’re all very distinct from each other. Kuori mua is another rap track, but it couldn’t be any different, with the attitude it exudes and its super slick beat. I love the sharpness of it all, and how it mixes in the piano in the second half to create a more positive sound, lifting some of the tension but keeping all the energy.

The overall production level in all these songs is great – this whole selection is high quality and just sounds good to my ears. The one slight exception is No Rules, which I feel goes a bit too heavy on the fake eagle screeches, although it very much fits the overall tone of the song. This one slight annoyance, and the fact that I preferred Vox populi when it comes to Eurodance, was what made it end up at the bottom of my list, but I honestly feel bad about it – it’s still a very fun song and does what it’s doing  well. I didn’t want to rank any of these songs last!

Because the songs are so even, I couldn't even suggest what deserves to win this Saturday. It's going to all depend on performance for me. Finland are never going to do better than last year's Eurovision result, but UMK has honestly become one of the best national finals over the past few years, and I hope this is enough to keep up the qualification streak they're on.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2022: #02 & #01

02. SPAIN Chanel - “SloMo” 3rd place

Decade Ranking: 3/79 [above Daði Freyr, below Konstrakta]

LET’S GO!

At last, I get to show my TRUE CHANEL STAN COLOURS <333333 I mean, i’m sorry for those who aren’t a fan, but SloMo was incredibly good. Chanel succeeds like no other where recent girlbosses like Eleni and Hurricane have failed - she brings out my inner squealing f*ggot and I LOVED every second in me. 

TAKE A VIDEO, WATCH IT SLO MO MO MO MO

BOOTY HYPNOTIC, MAKE ME WANT MO MO MO MO Just when you think you’ve outgrown the vapid bangers, Chanel surges forwards as a human conduit of rainbow energy and leaves you scalped and gagged and eaten. The definition of PUSSY. SLAY. CUNT. 

Y no se confundan, señoras y señores, “SloMo” is not that great of a song, I recognize that. It’s a 7/10 J-Lo reject and you can tell.  It easily could have veered into Sekret territory and become an embarrassing debaucherous cumdumpsterfire. 

But it didn’t. 🙂 

Because Chanel wouldn’t allow it. Which is impressive given her journey. See, this is another area where Chanel obseletes the Elenii and Hurricanes of this world - she was an underdog all the way through - The Spaintards (not to be confused with “Eurovision fans from Spain”) have long since forgotten but they used to loathe Chanel for daring to beat Tanxugueiras (really, her?) and Rigoberta (kinda valid at the time, but less so now obv), hurled abuse at her in a ploy to force her to quit, and when that didn’t work angrily groused RTVE to make JURIES LESS POWERFUL so a disaster like this couldn’t happen again!!! There’s a reason Chanel no longer wants to perform SloMo and wishes to move on in her life, and honestly, same girl re: ESC2022.

 In spite of all that, Chanel remained motivated and chipper put in all the effort of the world at every single performance, and unlike Cornelia improved every time. You may not like it, but THIS is what peak performance looks like. 

Was this the best live performance of all times? The fact that I’m considering it should tell you enough. It’s definitely the best live performance of a Girlbanger For The Gays since “My Number One”. Numbers do not lie. THIRD in the jury vote, THIRD in the televote, THIRD overall. 

The best part is that I did NOT see it coming? Like going into the finale, it was clear Kalush and Cornelia would come top five, and having seen the rehearsal footage, I was confident Konstrakta and Sam join them as well. I NEVER saw Chanel’s top five coming. I was convinced, cynic that I am, that she would be my default Doomed Favourite and that Brividi would eat her TV alive and the juries would ignore her. Instead, she demolished Blahmood and Blancunt, and left no crumbs. 

Afterwards, Chanel casually fanned herself as golden sparks flowed from the ceiling, a visual representation of her arch. She knew right then and there that she’d NAILED it and made herself proud.

“SloMo” was the pinacle of achievement in this year, a tale of overcoming adversity, working hard and tirelessly to accomplish be as best as you can be and proof that, no matter how deep your depths get, even the shittiest countries can accomplish great things if they keep on trying. It was #Inspiring. But above anything, it was mostly three minutes of unbrindled trashy fun that makes me SQUEAL in gayvoice. #GayPowersRestored.

And now she is THE MOST POPULAR / BEST ESC ENTRY OF ALL TIMES, as per ESCRadio’s top 250. I should hate this given what it implies about Chanel’s fanbase and also fuck Chanel’s fanbase, but I enjoyed SloMo more than Euphoria anyway, so... i... actually... agree with the results. HA HAHA HA HA HAA HAHA HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

and now for a #1 that hopefully surprises nobody. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#01. SERBIA Konstrakta - “In corpore sano” 5th place

Decade Ranking: 2/79 [Above Chanel, below Shum]

 ~OnaS eroProC Ni SomRefNe SneM~

WHAT COULD BE THE SECRET BEHIND THE PHENOMENON KONSTRAKTA? 

WHAT COULD IT BE?

WHAT COULD BE THE SECRET BEHIND THE PHENOMENON KONSTRAKTA?

WHAT COULD IT BE?

WHAT COULD BE THE SECRET?

I believe the answer lies in a stroke of brilliance. 🙂 It’s honestly near impossible to unspool “In corpore sano” and all of its layers in words because *everything* interlocks with each other perfectly. But we all know WHY we’re here

👏 BITI ZDRAVA 👏 👏 BITI ZDRAVA 👏 👏 BITI ZDRAVA 👏 👏 BITI ZDRAVA 👏

 ✋🤚 BIT 🤚✋ BIT ✋🤚  BIT🤚✋   BIT  ✋🤚   BITI ZDRAVA 

Through the power of Soap, Friendship and Biti Zdrava, Konstrakta and her kabal of spa zealots effortlessly enrolled the entire anti-vaxx country of Serbia and its minions into her Health Cult. I couldn’t be more giddy that this went to Eurovision. How could I not be/: an underground gothic pop song, the first  Eurovision entry to use BLACK HUMOUR as its preferred means of communication.😍😍 Black humour is the best humour, so yeah anything that opens with inspecting Megan Markle’s Healthy Hair, and follows it up casually informing us that a giant spleen is undesirable and ugly and may cause the irreversible condition known as death 🙂 is InstaFave material. 

BETTER WASH MY HANDS AGAIN BEFORE I BECOME SICK. IF I GET ILL, I DIE 🙂

The real genius though comes from the fact that Konstrakta took a VERY serious concept (the lack of health insurance for all the self-employed, which in Serbia includes anyone working in the culture sector), and a VERY personal topic (the death of a close friend, who passed away because he couldn’t afford aforementioned healthcare without the insurance) and turned it into a socially-critical parody. 

“In corpore sano” may be completely in Serbian and Latin (LATIN <333333) but it is also fluent in the hidden language of Sarcasm 😍 Konstrakta nailed the exercution with her flat, deadpan demeanor and anemic delivery. This is one such a case where being as low-energy as possible works miracles. She’s the 🔥 THIS IS FINE 🔥 meme incarnated in human form. 

(or for those that have played Baldur’s Gate, she has the exact same personality and demeanor as Xan <3)

WHY DON’T I JUST SAVE MYSELF THE EFFORT AND JUST LIE DOWN AND DIE? 🙂

The dichotomy of Konstrakta praising the efficiency of the autonomous nervous system or good hydration because they help keep the body hale (finally safe! God Grant Us Health!), juxtaposed to compusively washing your hands showing that she’s ridding herself of her germs but losing the battle against her dark thoughts (I Am Left On my Own), was some galatic-level storytelling genius. It is SO impressively clever, on a level you almost never see at ESC and if you do is usually executed poorly.

Which brings us to the act. Usually songs with A Profound Hidden Meaning resort to pedantic staging full of hidden symbolism. It’s tiresome to engage with when you’re ultimately tuning into have a good time. “In corpore sano” for all its ingenuity and snark, never attempts to be smarter than it is. 

At its core ICS is Nurse Pratchett and her five patients (two twunks, two stern-faced top-knot ladies and able-bodied Peter Dinklage) acting out some Biti Zdrava nonsense, and it’s all very fascinating, occult and sinister. There’s clearly more going in, some artistic vision but do you need to understand the backstory in order to get the song? 

I don’t think so. 

The hidden depths are a nothing more than a reward for the discernible sleuth willing to learn delve more deeply, and if you don’t, you can at least still get off by hand-clapping and exfoliating. This is how highbrow staging should be done. It rewards both value seekers AND those tuning in for a good time. Hans Pancake dead in a ditch (again.)

So um yeah, overall, as you know (if you’ve followed my ranking of all 2010s songs), you know that I’ll put a clever cookie with an avant garde pearl and excellent on-point emotional delivery first in any year, at any moment. “In corpore sano” isn’t quite on the level of Shum, but I can defo say that the 2020s are now 2/2 in terms of iconic favourites 🤗 

So that’s it for the 2022 ranking. I hope you’ve enjoyed this marathon more than I did (making the gifs at the end was REALLY painful because my computer’s HDD is nearing death AND my internet is slow), in any case it’s finally OVAH!! 

Let’s hear it out ONE LAST TIME for the best entry of 2022: SERBIA:

MENS INFIRMA IN CORPORE SANO

ANIMUS TRISTIS IN CORPORE SANO

MENS DESPERTA IN CORPORE SANO

MENS CONTERRITA IN CORPORE SANO

I STA CEMO SAD?

Why, I rank 2023 of course . 🧐 Probably very quickly and in some limited capacity (maybe 5 per post again) but I should be able to finish before my birthday (08/05) which is when the first dress rehearsal footage is released. I’m off to Amsterdam for EIC though, so stay tuned for the updates if and when I get back!!!

THE RANKING:

[eurovision-facts]

Eurovision Fact #821:

"Fairytale," the winning song of the 2009 contest by Alexander Rybak, has consistently been one of the 20 most watched songs on the Eurovision Song Contest official YouTube since the channel started publishing its monthly top 20 lists.

In the first list from January of 2022, the song was the 4th most watched song of the month. According to this first video, the song had spent 8 months in the top 20 at this point.

In February of 2022, it was the 7th most watched song of the month. The following month, it was only the 15th most watched song. In April, the song climbed up to 12th place. However, in May, the month of the contest, the song was not included in the top 20 list for the first time.

The rest of the year's rankings are as follows:

June: 4th most watched

July & August: 3rd most watched

September: 4th most watched

October: 3rd most watched

November: 2nd most watched

December: 4th most watched

In 2023, "Fairytale" opened the year by maintaining its spot as 4th most watched song of the month. The rest of 2023's rankings are as follows:

February: 9th most watched

March: Did not place

April: 16th most watched

May: Did not place

June: 6th most watched

July: 5th most watched

August & September: 3rd most watched

October & November: 2nd most watched

December: 3rd most watched

To open up 2024, Rybak's song was the 2nd most watched song of January. The rest of the year, as of November, is as follows:

February: 6th most watched

March: 8th most watched

April: 2nd most watched

May: 14th most watched

June: 7th most watched

July: 6th most watched

August: 2nd most watched

September & October: Most watched song of the month

[Sources]

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: January 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: February 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: March 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: April 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: May 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: June 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: July 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: August 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: September 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: October 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: November 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: December 2022, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: January 2023, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: February 2023, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: March 2023, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: July 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: April 2023, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: May 2023, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: June 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: July 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: August 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: September 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: October 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: November 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: December 2023 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: January 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: February 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: March 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: April 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: May 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: June 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: August 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: September 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: October 2024 | #UnitedByMusic, YouTube.com.

[gaymer-hag-stan]

Top 10 Most Successful Eurovision Entries (2004-Present) Based On % of Maximum Available Points Received

Because the voting system and the number of participating countries are constantly changing it's hard to gauge how good an entry compares to ones from other years based on the raw points received or their place in the final. Therefore, the most accurate way to compile a ranking is probably by % or maximum available points received.

If you're asking why it's only after 2004 it's because I'm not that crazy and I'm not gonna calculate EVERY single year 🤣 2004 was the first contest I watched in full so it's a good starting point for me.

But in case you're wondering, the most successful entry EVER is Anne-Marie David's Tu te reconnaîtras, representing Luxembourg in 1973 and receiving 80.6% of the maximum possible points!

1. 🇳🇴 Norway - 2009 - Alexander Rybak - Fairytale - 78.6%

2. 🇸🇪 Sweden - 2015 - Måns Zelmerlöw - Heroes - 77.9%

3. 🇵🇹 Portugal - 2017 - Salvador Sobral - Amar pelos dois - 77%

4. 🇸🇪 Sweden - 2012 - Loreen - Euphoria - 75.6%

5. 🇨🇭 Switzerland - 2024 - Nemo - The Code - 68.4%

6. 🇺🇦 Ukraine - 2022 - Kalush Orchestra - Stefania - 67.4%

7. 🇦🇹 Austria - 2014 - Conchita Wurst - Rise Like a Phoenix - 67.1%

8. 🇺🇦 Ukraine - 2004 - Ruslana - Wild Dances - 66.6%

9. 🇸🇪 Sweden – 2023 – Loreen – Tattoo – 66.5%

10. 🇫🇮 Finland - 2006 - Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah - 65.7%

I normally share a larger list of 100 acts in total, but immediately after the top 10, we start running into controversial acts or artists or countries or both, and I think we've had enough of that for a year. Let's at least rejoice in knowing that our top 10 is, finally, "clean"! Thank you Nemo for that!

[rainbowlack]

My dad and I just spent the past few days searching for Eurovision acts which felt like Planet of the Bass, specifically acts which felt like Biljana Electronica and DJ Crazy Times.

Why, you may ask?

Because of this specific tag @technotrousers left on the post:

…Unfortunately, our search for 13th-ranked songs proved fruitless, so we resigned ourselves to finding the acts separately.

We have come to a conclusion.

Senhit (San Marino, 2021) is our Biljana Electronica.

Our DJ Crazy Times? The rapper in Trenulețul (Moldova, 2022) whose name I'm not sure of because I'm terrible at identifying faces.

"Okay, but WHY?" you may ask, again.

That, my dear reader, is between me, my dad, and our autism.

also please go listen to my dad's favourite entry from this year (Duje) and give it the respect it deserves.

[sycamoreesc]

It's finally time: My first ever upload! Today I'm listing my top 36 of 2024's Eurovision Song Contest. I encourage you to go over there and leave a like and comment if you can

Before I start, I want to point out that I have not included Israel in a protest of their inclusion in this year's contest despite the ongoing conflict, for sending an extremely political act, and for the way their delegation behaved during the week of ESC. In case it means anything to anyone, I would have ranked the song pretty close to last anyway, because it is a pretty boring, middle of the road ballad. Eden has a lovely voice but the song was just not for me anyway. It would have placed near the bottom even if there were no issues with their participation.

Also remember!! These are all just my opinions! Please don't take me too seriously, and I'd love to hear anyone else's opinions as well ❤️

On with the show! I will go from my least favourite to my favourite.

36. Before the Party's over by Mustii for Belgium

Starting off with a controversial one, because I know how many people loved this song and hyped it up before the contest, but it absolutely did not live up to the hype. I'd say it's a fine song in studio, but Mustii just could not sing it live. I do like the ending when everything comes together, but at the same time, he is just shouting the same words over and over again. I'm also judging the whole song, and the build up to that moment, i.e. 3/4 of the song, just isn't worth it for me. So, with apologies to all the Mustii stans, I had to put this last.

35. Özünlə apar by Fahree ft. Ilkin Dovlatov for Azerbaijan

I always love when acts feature their culture in their songs, which Ilkin brings to this song through his vocalisations (not sure what they're called, please forgive me). Unfortunately, that's all it really has going for it. It's pretty boring to me, and I feel like I'm constantly waiting for it to explode into a power ballad, but it just never gets there. And other than that, there really isn't that much to say about this song. I do commend Fahree for sending the first song with Azerbaijani lyrics, though; I love when countries send songs in their own languages.

34. Dizzy by Olly Alexander for the UK

Like many other brits, I have had high hopes for us since Sam Ryder in 2022. But this is just so.... meh. That's the only way I can describe it. It's a very radio-friendly soft pop song, which is fine, but that's it. I also did not like how sexual the staging was either. The anti-gravity box thing was pretty innovative though, and I enjoyed how the dancers made it really feel like gravity was changing around Olly. But that's not really about the song. I remember being really excited when Olly was announced as our artist because I liked a lot of Years & Years stuff, and then being really disappointed when I heard the song for the first time after seeing people on social media hyping it up.

33. Sand by Saba for Denmark

This is another song that is just fine. There's nothing in it that stirs any kind of emotion within me. It's a fine song and that's about it. I genuinely don't know what else to say about it. I liked that Saba had some glittery sand at the beginning of the song to emphasise some of her movements, and I kinda wish they'd figuered out a way to keep sand in the staging for the whole song.

32. The Tower by Luna for Poland

This is interesting for me, because I remember liking it back in May, but I haven't really listened to it since, and listening to it again for this ranking, it just wasn't doing anything for me. I think Luna struggled a little bit with her breath control, but the song itself is fine. I like the chess theme they had going on, but I don't think I really understand why they chose that. Maybe someone can help me understand the significance.

31. Titan by Besa for Albania

I've heard a lot of eurofans say that this song was a lot better in the original Albanian, and of course I always love to see more languages included in Eurovision, but I actually haven't listened to the original, so that has no pull on me. I liked this song, but it's not something I could listen to a lot. The first half is a bit iffy for me, I think because I'm not a big fan of ballads, but I do love a good power ballad, so when we got to the second half, it got more interesting for me. Also, I liked the verse being more of an r&b style. Overall, it's an alright song that gets better as it goes along.

30. Hollow by Dons for Latvia

Ok please don't hate me, Dons has an incredible voice and he deserved to be in the final, but this song is just not for me at all. Like I said before, ballads aren't really for me, so this suffers a similar fate to Titan. I found it pretty boring until the final third of the song when it becomes more powerful. I also thought the staging was a bit lackluster. I know ballads are normally sung with minimal staging, but just having the big circle made me feel like it was missing something. Or maybe that was the point, it is called 'hollow' after all. Also I couldn't take it seriously because of his blue body armour, I'm sorry 😭

29. Scared of Heights by Hera Björk for Iceland

This is a bop and I like listening to it. It's also incredibly generic. Hera is a Eurovision icon and I love her glittery golden jumpsuit, but I feel like the staging was a bit empty for such an upbeat song; some dancers really would have suited this performance in my opinion. I wish I could come up with something more to say but that's literally it, and that's why I can't put it any higher.

28. Fighter by Tali for Luxembourg

Luxembourg has come back fighting (haha) with this song. I think it's a good song and I liked the staging, too. Unfortunately, it just simply doesn't evoke any strong feelings for me, so I would feel like I'd be lying to myself if I put it higher on this list. That doesn't mean it's a bad song though, and I did enjoy the little fast bits after the main chorus (I'm so sorry I don't know the terminology for that, but I hope you know what I'm on about).

27. Mon Amour by Slimane for France

Before you get mad at me, just know I recognise that Slimane has an inredible and powerful voice, and this song is a lovely love ballad. However, as I've mentioned a couple of times, ballads aren't my thing. I think I'm picky with them, because I do have a couple higher up, but Mon Amour is not one I particularly enjoy. Also, as someone who is autistic and struggles with eye contact, his consistent eye contact with the camera was extremely uncomfortable for me, and I have to look in any other direction to avoid his gaze. I do recognise that that's a me problem, though. Overall, beautiful ballad, just not for me.

26. Loop by Sarah Bonnici for Malta

Only just making it into my personal grand final is a great girlbop for the ages. I wasn't super impressed with this song back in May, but rewatching and relistening to it for this list, I couldn't help but dance along. It's really catchy in a good way, and I understand why people were annoyed or shocked that it didn't get to the final. The reason it's down here is because it's just not something I would regularly listen to. It's good, but not great, for me anyway. Sarah's voice is impressive, and so is her dancing, but in general, I'm not much of a fan of interrupting the song for a dance break that takes up a big chunk of it's run time.

25. Liar by Silia Kapsis for Cyprus

From one girlbop to another. I think that Liar got a lot of flack back in May because it got through to the final while Loop didn't. However, in my opinion, Liar is a better song. I like the beat and the cadence of the song, and Silia has proven she's an excellent performer despite only being 17. Having that kind of breath control while doing all that jumping about is pretty impressive. It also suffers the dreaded dance break interruption, but I find it less intrusive than Loop's because it's much shorter.

24. In The Middle by Natalia Barbu for Moldova

I really like this song. It's got a nice aura to it, I like the violins mixed with modern pop beats, and Natalia has a very strong voice. The chorus, while obviously lacking in lyrics, is very catchy and I genuinely enjoy singing and clapping along. The almost operatic chorus at the end caught me a bit off guard, but I wouldn't say it was unwelcome. I also liked the violin break. The only bad thing is that it's just not really that interesting of a song.

23. Zorra by Nebulossa for Spain

Another pure bop from this year, and I completely understand why everyone chants along with the chorus. It's a really well produced pop song and I love the story it tells about reclaiming this word. While I understand that some poeple in Spain thought it was a bit controversial, and also tell me if I'm missing to point here, but to me it's like english-speaking people reclaiming the word slut which I've seen many people doing online in the past couple of years, which I don't take issue with. Anyway, back to the song. I think it's fun and a great song to dance along to. Also, am I the only one who wanted to give those dancers a coat? Their butts must be so cold! 😭

22. Always on the Run by Isaak for Germany

I enjoy this song a lot, though it does seem a little derivitive of artists from the late 2010s like Rag'n'Bone Man. That doesn't make this a bad song, though, just a bit dated. I think Isaak has a great voice; he has the ability to make his voice sound very smooth and soft, to gravelly and rough, which really suits this kind of song. The staging is also simple but effective, with Isaak being in a box for the first two thirds of the song, but coming out of this box for the breakdown and final chorus, which I really enjoy the symbolism of. It's a great song overall, and I still listen to it occasionally.

21. We Will Rave by Kaleen for Austria

When I first heard this song I thought 'wow this is so 2014' but in a good way. Rave songs like this were pretty popular in the late 00s-early 10s, so this song gives me such nostalgia. I know I was just talking about how Isaak's song felt a bit dated, but We Will Rave is a great example of how to take a genre that isn't heard very often anymore and turn it into something that still hits just as hard in the modern music scene. It's a great track, fun to dance and sing along to, and gives me some of that sweet, sweet nostalgia. It does have an Interrupting Dance Break though, but it feels more forgivable here because the song is literally about dancing and raving.

20. Ramonda by Teya Dora for Serbia

Ramonda is a gorgeous ballad that Teya herself said represents having hope despite feeling at your lowest. I love the use of this flower as it blooms in unlikely places as a metaphor for this feeling. Teya also has a beautiful voice that goes from being very soft and almost dainty at the start, to being incredibly powerful at the peak of the performance. I mentioned in the paragraph I wrote about Hollow, that while ballads tend not to have much staging, there's still a way to stage a ballad well, and I think this song shows that. The rocks in the middle feel like they are surrounding Teya at the beginning and making her feel small, but by the end she is triumphantly standing taller than them as the ramonda flower blooms from them, which is excellent storytelling in itself, and also using the smoke machine and the lights to look like clouds and lightning was a brilliant effect. The reason Ramonda is only 20th in my list is because, as I've said, ballads aren't for me, so I didn't really connect with this, although I do appreciate the story being told. It's a beautiful ballad, but I would most likely skip it if it came up in my playlist.

19. Pedestal by Aiko for Czechia

I was really disappointed back in May when this song didn't get through to the final. I really enjoy pop rock like this and I enjoy the message in the song, to learn to put yourself first. Singing along to the chorus of this song is a lot of fun. I understand why they did it due to the story of the song, but the interruption to the argument did take me out of it a bit. It's a fun pop rock song that is pleasing to my ears, but it is also a little generic, and I struggle to connect with songs about relationship issues due to being aro myself. Obviously I do still enjoy the song a lot though.

18. One Milkali (One Blood) by Electric Fields for Australia

This is song is just so much fun and I resent anyone who thinks otherwise! /lh I remember being sad that this song didn't get to the finals, but rewatching the performance, I can see that Zaachariaha did have a bit of difficulty reaching the big notes. I also love their use of the digeridoo, as it's not something you see (or hear) everyday in pop music, although I'm not sure if it was implemented in a very seamless way. It just seemed a bit out of place, but maybe that's just because I'm not used to hearing it. In any case, the song is a lot of fun, I love the music, I love the message, and I just really like it to be perfectly honest. It's right up my street.

17. Firefighter by Nutsa Buzaladze for Georgia

Nutsa's vocals are so amazing. Very strong and powerful! Firefighter is a great song and she really sells it with how she nails her whole performance. The song itself is catchy and energetic, and you're really sucked into it when you listen to it. The live performance does have a dance interruption, but it feels more natural due to it happening right after the intro before the song proper starts. I also really love the sound of violins that can be heard before the final chorus when Nutza isn't singing; it really adds a kind of ethnic vibe to the song which I feel elevates it a lot.

16. Grito by iolanda for Portugal

This is the highest ranking ballad in my ranking. I love the story and the message of Grito, and iolanda has that kind of voice that kind of voice draws you in and entrances you. Or maybe that's just for me. I love that the song starts a capella, with the music building and building until it reaches that break before her big note that clears her mind, and the music is extremely soft after that, almost inaudible. It's an amazing way to show the chaos that can occur in your mind when you are overwhelmed, and then the peace that comes afterwards. Another example of excellent ballad staging. It's a meaningful ballad that just missed out on my top 15.

15. 11:11 by Megara from San Marino

Going from the highest scoring ballad to the highest scoring non-qualifier. I can't help but love this song. It reminds me of a lot of rock songs I used to listen to as a teenager, but it really sticks out as unique in this year's contest. I love the pink and black aesthetic, I love the cartoons they use, and I love the way Kenzy emphasizes her words with her facial expressions. I love the breakdown with more traditional spanish guitar mixed in with this cool rock sound (according to wikipedia, it's called fucksia rock so... do with that information what you will, I guess). In the performance however, Kenzy seemed to either forget the words or just completely run out of breath at one point, and by the end she was struggling with her breath control, so as much as I do really enjoy this song, I can't put it any higher.

14. Zari by Marina Satti for Greece

I absolutely adore how Marina mixes traditional Greek music with modern pop. It's so up my street it's practically on my doorstep. Zari is a very fun song that I can't help but dance along with, and if I knew any Greek I'm sure I'd be singing along, too. I love that the dances are incorporated into the song, rather than having one long dance break, and incorporating traditional Greek dances too makes me very happy. I love the celebration of Greek culture in this song while maintaining a very modern vibe.

13. La Noia by Angelina Mango for Italy

I'm going to start this one by saying I love the instrument in the back that occurs occasionally throughout the song but I have absolutely no idea what it's called and it's driving me crazy! It's the one that lowkey sounds a bit like a kazoo, if anyone knows what on earth I'm talking about. ANYWAY, the song is great. We seem to be blessed most years with Italy sending very unique songs to the contest. While this is a pop song, I would be hard-pressed to call it generic at all. The chorus just makes you want to move your body, and the break in the song makes you really appreciate Angelina's powerful voice. I think the staging leaves a bit it be desired, but I have to admit, there's something about the way Angelina and her dancers walk exactly on the beat that really tickles my brain. Also I love her huge stomping boots, which seem a bit out of place, but I love them anyway.

12. Unforgettable by Marcus & Martinus for Sweden

This song would not have gotten this far up if the live performance wasn't so much fun. It is a pretty generic pop song about a pretty girl, which seems to be standard for Sweden, but I can't deny that it is a whole bop and a half. I actually tend to skip over the studio version, but like I said, the live performance really sells it. Marcus and Martinus both have great stage presence, and the staging being very digital really fits well with the electronic sound. It's also one of those songs I can sing along to while not being serious at all, and being very dramatic. My favourite part is the breakdown at the end (not sure if breakdown is the right word to use here, but it's the part where the're singing "her love, is dangerous and I know it," etc.); it's a whole lot of fun to sing and dance to. Just great vibes all around.

11. Jako by Ladaniva for Armenia

I was actually surprised that this landed outside of my top 10, but unfortunately I just listen to and connect more with the others more often. That doesn't change the fact that I absolutely love this song to bits! Pure traditional music with a modern twist that is just so enjoyable to listen to. Jaklin is also incredibly charismatic and is clearly very comfortable on stage. She exudes a kind of energy that I can only hope to achieve a fraction of. The whole song is just great fun and a wonderful celebration of Armenian culture. While the chorus is only made of la's, I have to say it works very well with this song, and the whole crowd being able to sing along really helps it to shine. Overall a very unique and fun experience.

10. Ulveham by Gåte for Norway

If you're like me, you will also be questioning... WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, EUROPE? For this to only make it to the final by a hair, and finishing dead last in the final with only 14 points is an absolute travesty of the highest proportions. Gunnhild's vocals are absolutely on point, the folk elements mixed with metal works perfectly, the staging was great, with the band rocking around Gunnhild in the middle, who seems to be able to control water with her voice??? How did this score so low? Also juries, you're supposed to be judging objectively, and this performance was objectively brilliant, from the vocals to the staging to the music itself. I have to say, I don't often listen to metal, but the way the folk elements weave so effortlessly in with this song is pretty incredible. If you can't tell, I'm a bit incensed by this whole thing, but at the end of the day I do understand that most voters were pooling all their votes into only like 5 songs, and Baby Lasagna would have hoovered up a lot of votes that would have gone to Ulveham in any other year. Or that's how I'm justifying it anyway.😅 So overall, I really do enjoy this song a lot, I think everything just comes together so well, and the only reason it isn't higher is because metal just does not always agree with my ears.

9. Doomsday Blue by Bambie Thug for Ireland

Doomsday Blue is a masterclass in how to create an incredible Eurovision performance. The way they used the cameras to get the absolute perfoct shots at every angle, the way they used their props perfectly (like with the candles), the tasteful costume change, and the acting performace of both Bambie and the demon all comes together to create a cohesive story and an impressive presentation of it. The song itself is very unique, using very distinct individual styles for the verses and chorus that somehow just works really well. Bambie's vocals are also incredible, being able to perform technical screams to being able to be soft and airy in the chorus, to the power in the last verse. Just like with Ulveham, this would likely place higher in this list if it wasn't for the fact that metal just isn't very accessible for me.

8. (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi by 5miinust & Puuluup for Estonia

This song is so much fun. Folk and traditional instruments mixed with rap? Yes please and thank you very much! Nendest, as I will call it here, is such a bop and anyone who doesn't find themselves bopping along with it is either lying or doesn't know what fun means. /lh I love songs that aren't too serious and yet they have a hidden meaning that is often pretty deep. The meaning in this song is the persecution and false imprisonment of poor people by the police because the police think the poor people are all drug addicts. So I just really enjoy how silly this song is while having that kind of meaning. It's a great compsition and it's performed really well, and I think it deserved to be placed higher than 20th (clearly).

7. Luktelk by Silvester Belt for Lithuania

This is a very unique and catchy song that I can't help but dance along to. I know it's about a relationship, and Silvester is asking them to stay a little longer with him, and I mentioned earlier that songs like that don't tend to resonate with me. However, this song is in Lithuanian so I don't understand what's going on there, and I can focus solely on the music and how Silvester's vocals sound, which I like a lot. The music flows so nicely, it has a fast tempo but it doesn't feel like it's rushing, I like that each line in the verses are punctuated with the double beat, and while there is a dance break, it's incredibly short, and it feels natural to have a break in lyrics in any song that has a similar breakdown before it. I also really love the red and blue colour pallette; the contrasting colours work really well with the concept of being unable to make up your mind, like the phrase 'being in two minds' about something. Overall, the song is great and I listen to it often.

6. No Rules! by Windows95man for Finland

One of my favourite types of songs are those songs that are fun and unserious, that I can be just so overdramatic while singing along to it. And that is exactly what No Rules! is. It's so much fun, and singing Henri's parts really damatically and acting out the dramatic moves is an absolute must when listening to this song. I also love that the music hearkens back to the euro-electropop and eurodance of the late 90s and early 00s (think Blue, Better Off Alone, Around the World or even Barbie Girl), while also not feeling outdated or bland. I also really enjoyed how they staged it; from the overuse of denim (and the jegg), to the creative ways they came up with to conveniently cover up Teemu's privates, it just all comes together in one big silly and overdramatic time.

5. Veronika by Raiven for Slovenia

Completely changing tunes from a silly fun-time song, to a dark and mysterious song about the first persecution of a witch in Slovenia. I was genuinely shocked that this song placed 23rd in the final, on account that it is incredibly unique, well staged, and innovative. Raiven's vocals are perfect (I believe she's a trained opera singer), and she has great stage presence. She really sells the story and I love the use of the dancers to bring an animalistic or possibly even inhuman vibe to the performance. I also really love the choice to bring out the screams at the end of the performance, as in the studio version it's more in the background, and I think bringing them to the forefront really elevates the song in a unique and interesting way. Overall, I really love this song for all it's dramaticism and telling of a Slovenian folk tale.

4. Teresa & Maria by alyona alyona & Jerry Heil for Ukraine.

This is an absolutely gorgeous song about empowerment and taking responibility for who you are and who you become. Jerry's vocals are almost ethereal, and alyona's rap verse complements the song in a very unique way. The whole sound of this song feels like I'm almost having a religious experience; it gives me chills, makes me think, and enraptures me all at the same time. The staging, while simple, is very effective. I particularly love the transition from Jerry plunging her mic into the rock as if it were a sword, to alyona's entrance with her taking a knife out of her hair. I also liked how the camera shook during alyona's verse, as if accentuating the point of the song, and making alyona seem large and powerful. Overall, a brilliant song and composition that I think falls into a lot of people's top 10s, and for good reason.

3. Rim Tim Tagi Dim by Baby Lasagna for Croatia

Before the Baby Lasagna fans come for me for not putting him first (honestly I'm scared of you guys), I want to say I think he would have been an absolutely worthy winner (in fact I think any of my top 5 would have been worthy winners), and I am sad for Croatia that they didn't get that first win, but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't enjoy the other two more. With that being said, I absolutely adore this song and it makes complete sense to me that it won the televote by a mile. It's a very catchy rock song with sentimental lyrics about leaving your home village in search of a better life. Genuinely, I can't find fault in this song or the performance; Marko's vocals are perfect, his stage presence is great, the traditional costuming is excellent (also I love the doilies on all of the instruments, especially on the drum cymbals), and overall the performance comes together perfectly. The song's ability to connect with the audince is awe-inspiring, and you can see how literally everyone in that arena was dancing along in the break. Overall, I only have one word: incredible.

2. Europapa by Joost Klein for the Netherlands

I'm not going to rehash everything that happened a la Joost's disqualification because frankly everything's already been said, and I don't want this post to get any longer than it needs to be. Anyway, This song is such a love letter to Europe (and of course to his parents), and it's such a fun 3-minute journey. I love all the references Joost makes to different countries and their traditions, and how despite how happy the song is, Joost is singing about how he feels uncomfortable away from home, while celebrating all of these places at the same time. I also love how this song, and all of Joost's music really, is clearly inspired by a lot of the electronic and jumpstyle music that was popular in the 00s; I'm particularly reminded of artists like Scooter and Basshunter, although I know there's a lot more hardcore jumpstyle out there that I was never exposed to. All that to say, this music style is another that feels very nostalgic to me while also not feeling dated. Overall, this is such a great song, a real crowd-pleaser in the best way possible, and just a real fun time all around.

1. The Code by Nemo for Switzerland

You guys have no idea how hyped I was that my favourite song won the contest. I've been watching for as long as I can remember and this has never happened to me before! Where do I even begin with this? I guess first off, I love how Nemo incorporates pop, rap, and opera into one song and somehow it's still coherent as one song. It flows together so easily, you wonder why no one has tried it before (not to my knowledge, anyway). I think Nemo has an incredibly creative brain to be able to pull something like that off. I also love the staging; using the rotating disk symbolises the struggles that we as non-binary people go through while learning to accept ourselves and balancing what is deemed 'appropriate' by society. Eventually, Nemo is able to ride this spinning disk triumphantly as they finally feel like they've figured it out. As they say, they broke the code. Nemo's gnc costume is also amazing, and I love the story that they actually picked out their outfit from random stores in Malmo literally the week of the contest. That kind of chaotic energy really feels like it suits the song and performance. The absolute grip this song had on me in May, and to some extent still now (although rn I'm really obsessed with their new song Eurostar. It's amazing and so different to The Code. If you haven't heard it go do it NOW), was palpable. I couldn't get enough. I felt like it spoke to me on some deep level, and maybe that's because it's a song all about accepting yourself, and as someone who is also nonbinary, and has also found out that they are autistic just this year at the age of 26, accepting myself is a huge part of my journey right now. So maybe it wasn't the European public's favourite, but it will forever leave a big imprint on my soul.

If you've made it this far, you are incredible and I love you as much as a person can love a person over a screen that they don't even know.

If you agreed with anything I said, let me know! If you didn't, also let me know!

Thank you so much for reading my ramblings and watching my video, it means so much 💖

[euroquision]

"The Fairest of Them All" A EuroQuision Article

Hello everyone! I hope you're ready for the first official EuroQuision article release! This one is a mathematical doozy, but trust me when I say this is worth the read. If you wanna download a PDF of the article, you can do so here!

And if you don't feel like downloading the whole thing, I'll be copying the entire article into this post after the section break so you can read it here! Thanks so much to the Patrons and other supporters that make this work possible!

The Fairest of Them All

By Beatrice Quinn

Quickly: what is the most overrated song of Eurovision 2024?

…got an answer? Ok, now: Prove it.

Today we’re talking about one of the most ambiguous, aimless, misunderstood metrics we use to say whether a song is overrated or not, and that is: Ratings. Literally! Now, we’re familiar with “ranking” Eurovision songs – dragging and re-dragging “Halo” up and down your 2022 scoreboard depending on whether or not you think Pia Maria is a real person or not – and other such activities! Ranking is crucial and emblematic to the existence of Eurovision and its fans, it hardly needs to be said. Developing babies watch the dancing fruits of Cocomelon, we watch a series of rectangles and numbers combine to shift and jump around aimlessly until they eventually settle in place. And once they’ve settled in place, forever to remain unmoving from those results, fans all across the world will continue to exist in a frenzy about how they should have landed instead.

But what’s the difference between ranking and rating? And by extension, why are the phrases “overrated” and “underrated” thrown around so frequently? Well, ranking songs is an action that always exists in and around the context of all competing songs that year. That’s why when the first Eurovision song of the season rolls around – usually courtesy of our lovely Albanians – it’s ridiculous and repeatedly unfunny to see YouTubers upload their “Eurovision 2021: Top 1 Ranking” videos. Rating a song is something you can do whether you’re talking about one song, or 42 songs. You don’t have to judge the songs ranked against each other. You can judge it based on its own merits or whatever frame of reference you have. I’m not here to write an article trying to tell people how they can or can’t rate songs – I would only ever tell that to the WiwiJury. And I would tell them politely, yet firmly, to stop.

No, I’m writing all this to do one thing: To give you a quick math lesson! And by quick, I really mean it, I promise. I swear I’m not a nerd! Well, that’s a lie. I’m a huge nerd. But I’m not a math nerd. It would be more accurate to say I’m a numbers nerd – specifically, Eurovision numbers. That’s the kind of numbers we like! We’ve seen our share of Twitter polls, asking us to choose between anything from Biggest National Final Robberies to “do you think Joker Out read the fanfic?” We just love stats and percentages! So I’m here to put those to the test in the most straight-forward, least-opinionated way possible. And let me be so clear about this: This article is not going to try and definitely prove anyone’s personal tastes right or wrong. This is about the mathematical results of how we rate Eurovision songs and whether or not this provides any accuracy.

Before we get into all the numbers: Let’s say you’re an Albania stan – a type of stan I’m familiar with, fond of, and am deeply frightened by – and you go to EurovisionWorld.com to excitedly check the results of the star ratings left by online visitors from every end of the earth, all coming to rate a song you’re excited to rate and enjoy yourself. You get there and you see: 2 stars – 2,815 ratings. Your heart sinks. “Only two stars? Is this actually a bad song? Do people hate the song? Am I dumb for liking it?” These are all things we’ve all felt about certain songs we hold dear to our heart, but it really doesn’t make sense, right? Why should a number generated by the preferences of 2,815 people sway your feelings towards a song you like? Then, as the season goes on, more songs pop up and get rated as well. As your Albanian gem middles out around 2.3 stars after 5,000 or so people decided to rate it, you see a grinning Dutch lad beating out the majority of the competition in terms of stars. “Wait, that just has so many views and over ten thousand more ratings than Albania has, what gives?” Then: the accusations start. “Joost is overrated!!” “Baby Lasagna’s hype won’t last forever.” “Vidbir said they’ll announce the results after six business days, not counting shipping and handling, but when they do, they’re gonna be so overrated.” And on the flip side: “Everyone is sleeping on Dons.” “Hera shock Q in May.” Various statements that however passionate are sadly not actually provable – at least, not in the moment.

It goes without saying that a Eurovision song’s rating out of 5 stars on EurovisionWorld does not, in any way, affect the results and winners of Eurovision. Instead, these ratings exist as a rare form of communal discussion. While the subjectivity of musical taste varies, we all get to share our opinions. And this process is what leaves us with two sides of the same undefinable coin: Over or Under Rated. 

We all have experiences with people or conversations where a fun song may be chastised for being overrated, or overly praised for being underrated. The attitude for or against a song doesn’t always exist like this – you can love an overrated song and hate an underrated one, I don’t care. But the point here is: these terms are something we relate to being an idea or descriptor, rather than something that can be mathematically determined. In fact, by treating the Eurovision “rating” system in its current state as purely a matter of statistics, we can then use that information to reference other claims against it. It’s quite scientific, if I do say so myself. Now, are both my college degrees in film, music, and writing? Yes. Did I ever get anything higher than a B in any math class I’ve ever taken? No. But allow  me to explain!

If someone were to say “Sweden is overrated,” what if there were a way to actually find out if that’s accurate or not? And once you find that out with some quick math, you can use that as evidence as to why or why not Sweden is overrated. My hope is that once we find out whether a song is mathematically overrated or underrated, we can then discuss possible reasons why or why not. Of course, this kind of question is going to be answered by collecting a LOT of numbers and doing a LOT of organization. Luckily I know someone who personally is sick enough in the head to sit down and pour through all the numbers, make the spreadsheets, make the graph, explain the equation, and write the article about it.

…it’s me. I think the “write the article” part was a giveaway, but here we are! So enough fluff, let’s get rating!

CHAPTER 1: The EuroQuision Equation!

Say that five times fast. And if you choose not to say that five times fast: I respect your decision, but I am disappointed in you.

So, we’re working with numbers. That means I am now tasked with figuring out the best way to observe the information I’m given, find out how it all balances out, and how do we compare all of that together? For context, there are two key components to finding out how over or underrated a Eurovision song is. As you’ll see while scrolling down the songs of any Eurovision year, you’ll see the stars beside them which are a result of ratings given by any IP address that rates the song. So not only do you get to see a song’s star rating, you can also see how many people contributed to that average rating. For anyone who doesn’t know, averages are a mathematical result of adding up the values of a set of inputs, then dividing that total by the amount of inputs. It’s hard to explain averages in a proper sentence, so here’s an example. If you are given the numbers 4, 8, and 3, you would first add up the numbers. 4+8+3 equals 15. Then, you take the sum (15) and divide it by how many numbers you added together. You added 3 numbers, so you divide (15 / 3) and find the average of 4, 8, and 3 is 5.

This is how those star ratings show up the way they do. If a song is rated by 10,000 people, you would add up the total stars given by each person, then divide that by 10,000. However, there’s another statistic we can find out by collecting all of this information. Like I said before in the Albania example, there are songs that only get 10,000 ratings by April, and others have hit over 40,000. You would think it’s as simple as saying “The songs with the most ratings are overrated, case closed.” But I’m here to say: not quite! If you were to rank the songs by most to least amount of ratings, that’s one result to find, sure. But I’m choosing to ask: what’s the average amount of ratings themselves? It’s something we can actually find out, since we have all the information!

Needing only the numbers provided by EurovisionWorld.com, we can find out what the average number of ratings is, and what the average number of stars is. We can’t really say who is over or underrated until we have an idea of how many people have contributed to these ratings. After finding these averages, the next step would be to compare and contrast how close or far each country deviates from those averages. Let’s say, if I were to add up all the star scores and find their average, I get an average of 3 stars. Therefore, any song that scores fewer stars than that is under average, and those scoring higher are above average. The same goes for ratings. After adding up EVERY number of ratings from each country and dividing by 37, we’ll know the average number of times a Eurovision 2024 song is rated. This will matter greatly in comparison to other years because the global attention to Eurovision grows every year. A year like 2014 is going to have a significantly lower average number of ratings simply because not as many people rated the songs in comparison to 2024. Sounds easy enough, right?

Ok, even if it’s not “easy” to understand now, it will be very soon! To help guide us into the numbers of it all, I made some visual aids! Let’s stop talking about the numbers and actually start crunching them!

CHAPTER 2: Playing With Numbers

Before we find out if any country is over or underrated, we gotta find our global averages first! Let’s look at the stars first. As you know, a song can achieve anywhere from 1 to 5 stars on EurovisionWorld.com – a very standard format! While we the voters/raters can only select a whole number of stars (one star, four stars, etc.), the website takes all those scores and calculates the average for us and displays that as a more accurate number often with a decimal point. Another important note is that I know this information doesn’t exist in stasis: songs can continue to be rated long after the contest is over. So for accuracy’s sake, I gathered ALL numerical information for this essay on one day: April 25th! This is to account for a few factors. Like I said, the amount of ratings grows over time and has a recency bias, so I didn’t want to get the ratings in late March. I also didn’t want to wait after the contest, just in case any results of the contest cause a shift in mass ratings from the rest of the world. I chose April 25th to write down every song’s current amount of ratings and current star score so that it reflected nothing but expectation and audience reaction, and without any influence from rehearsals or live shows.

Now, a song’s release day does play a part in how many ratings and stars it gets…most times. We’ll discuss that in the analysis chapter AFTER we go over all the numbers. So, this is all you need to know right now: I collected these numbers on April 25th, 2024. Additionally, there’s something else I did for making the math easier and more score-like, which is that I convert a song’s total amount of ratings into a whole number with one decimal point so that I’m operating with two factors closer to each other in size. For example, if a song has 18,311 ratings, I’m converting that to 18.3 so that I’m working with a star score of, for example, 3.6 and a rating total of 18.3, which are easier to put into the equation and find a Deviation Score that is represented by a small, whole number. The last important detail is that there WILL be more visual aids, and if any of this is still confusing by the end, let me know and I’ll figure out how to make this easier for everyone!

Lastly, you might wonder why I’m looking at both stars and ratings in this big equation. If this is about who is or isn’t fairly rated, why do the star scores matter? Well, I’m factoring both ratings and stars in a song’s Deviation Score because these numbers don’t exist separately from each other. A song only gets a star score after thousands of people leave their opinions, and people share those opinions in this medium by clicking somewhere between one and five stars. Therefore, it isn’t fair to say a song is “overrated” simply because more people have rated that song compared to others. Spam rating exists (as EurovisionWorld has learned the hard way), and there are songs every year that are perceivably more “popular” based on things like YouTube video views or Spotify streams. Those things don’t factor into this because simply watching the video or streaming the song isn’t the same thing as “rating” it. Spotify only has stream counts, and YouTube has a like or dislike button. EurovisionWorld has a conventional 5-star rating system that is determined by people from all around the world and is mathematically calculated. So by giving a song a Deviation Score that’s based on how close/far from average a song is in stars and ratings, we’re acknowledging all the factors that go into this question.

Now onto the numbers! Do you wanna take a guess as to how many ratings were left on EurovisionWorld.com from the start of the season through Apr. 25th? There was a staggering total of 689,968 ratings across 37 songs! Over half a million ratings is a lot of opinions, right? And still that’s barely a fraction of the total people who watch the show itself. Regardless, that’s the information we have to work with! So, if there’s a total of 689,986 ratings given out to 37 different songs, that means our avg. # of ratings is: 689,968 / 37 = 18,647.7838. Obviously, 18,647.7838 is an awfully long, complicated number to use. Therefore, I’m simplifying it to just 18.6 (approx. 18,600 ratings). So, 18.6 is our avg. # of ratings. As for avg. # of stars, there is a grand total of 130.1 stars totalled up between all the songs. This is a really good number, when you consider the math. For example, if every song of 2024 only got on average one (1) star, then we’d have a total of just 37 stars. So with this info, it means our avg. # of stars is: 130.1 / 37 = 3.51621622…… and many more numbers after that. Therefore, I’ll state our avg. # of stars is 3.5. Once again, this is a good number! On a scale of only one to five stars, the average of that would just be 2.5 stars, right in the middle. That means the public thinks that overall, Eurovision 2024 is a bit above an average level of quality. And I would agree! Anyway, just to sum up all the numbers we just found out, I’ll list them here:

Total amount of ratings from all songs: 689,968

Avg. amount of ratings per song: 18.6 (simplified from 18,647)

Total amount of stars from all songs: 130.1

Avg. amount of stars per song: 3.5 (simplified from 3.5162…)

For me, the easy part is over and the hard part begins. Now is when we begin to document every song’s amount of ratings, their star scores, and running the math to see how far above or below the averages they are. For the super hot and cool nerds that like excel sheets, I’ll link the viewable sheet of all the info at the end of the article! For the sake of this article, I’m going to choose a couple key examples, and those are: Sweden, the Netherlands, Iceland, and…sadly, “Israel.”

CHAPTER 3: Do We Have a Valid Result?

Let’s actually see this equation in action and find out what we can learn from all of this. The reason we’re going to be looking at these select countries is that each of them exists at a very specific point on the spectrum of overrated or underrated. We’ll begin with the country that receives arguably the most “overrated” accusations thrown at them in a given Eurovision season, and that is: Sweden! Did you find the twins’ song unforgettable? Regardless, let’s run their numbers through our equation and figure out just how “rated” they are.

As you remember from our graphic, the equation we use is shown as (a - x) + (b - y) = z. Let’s take a look at Sweden’s stats, which are documented altogether in the same list as all 37 songs. “a” is Sweden’s star score. Sweden, as of April 25th, has a score of 3.4 stars. “x” is the total average of stars across all songs, which is 3.5. (3.4 - 3.5) = -0.1. This -0.1 means that Sweden is just ever so slightly below the average score, which is something I would agree with (but that part’s just my opinion). The second half of our equation is about ratings. Sweden was rated on EurovisionWorld a total of 18,259 times. We simplify that big number just to 18.2, and we subtract the average number of ratings from that number. (18.2 - 18.6) = -0.4. Now, we can also observe that in its total number of ratings, Sweden is actually still below average, even though not by a whole lot. Now that we have -0.1 and -0.4 reflecting Sweden’s relationship to the global average of stars and ratings respectively, we combine those! (-0.1) + (-0.4) = -0.5. There you go! Sweden got a score of, overall, slightly underrated. Shocking, right? That’s right, in numbers and stats alone, Sweden is very close to the global averages. However, the claim that they’re “underrated” isn’t as true as it sounds once we look at another country through this equation.

Next, let’s take a look at a country that was 1st in the odds…only to fall from those heights down to a last place finish in their semi-final. Iceland’s song “Scared of Heights” is an interesting case. I won’t try and pretend that these ratings exist separately from a song’s public perception – or at times, their public drama. So don’t worry, we’ll address that and much more after we do more fun math activities. Not many people were running around saying “Husavik 2025!” when this got selected, but how was it rated? Iceland has the literal lowest star score out of all 37 songs this year, sitting at 2 whole stars. Since we know the global average is 3.5, that means Iceland is -1.5 stars from the average. However, this is where we can see the ways ratings and stars can differ. When it comes to stars, a song scores anywhere from 1 to 5; it’s not a very wide range. But for ratings, Iceland only has 10,951 ratings (shown as 10.9). Even compared to Sweden, that’s eight thousand fewer ratings, meaning: people either chose not to go out of their way to leave a rating, or it's just not as popular. From the average of 18.6, Iceland’s 10.9 ratings is a whole -7.7 away from the average. Let’s combine those two differences: (-1.5) + (-7.7) = -9.2. In comparison to Sweden, Iceland is actually “underrated” when we look at the numbers. That final score of -9.2 is a culmination of the song not only getting a lower score, but it comes from fewer people deciding to rate it. Would “Scared of Heights” be closer to the average amount of stars if more people had chosen to give it a rating? Or would more ratings just reflect the same sad score of 2 stars? This is something to consider when we have more context about who/which countries have more ratings than our first two examples.

They may have been disqualified for total BS reasons, but they’ll never be disqualified from my heart! The Netherlands’ “Europapa” is a song that has a lot to give it a leg up over a country like Iceland when it comes to public perception: Joost Klein is a more  “established” artist in comparison to most Eurovision competition. “Europapa” contains satirical-yet-universal lyrics that touch on personal and international topics at the same time, and the whole thing is a lot of good fun, even with a touching ending. However, this can all add up to what no sounds like a very reasonable claim of “overrated”-ness. Do the numbers reflect that? Unsurprisingly: yes, yes they do. The Netherlands has a star score of 4.1, which is the average score from a total of 35,557 ratings. Again, we see how the number of ratings can vary much wider than just star scores on their own – I can only imagine how it feels to see someone else’s song get 20,000 more ratings than yours. Let’s run the equation!. (4.1 - 3.5) + (35.5 - 18.6) => (0.6) + (16.9) = 17.5. As you can see, now that we move to the opposite end of the spectrum, the difference in influence is more observable. That score of 17.5 now properly reflects how a star score of 4.1 comes from a severe increase in number of ratings, and Joost’s popularity can very well be a factor in that, all regardless if the song is “good” or “bad.”. Like I promised, we’ll talk about the implications and conclusions these numbers can represent in a moment. We have one more “country” to look at.

“Israel,” as I’m sure you need no reminding, is the reason all of Eurovision 2024 was a complex, un-fun, total mess of a season. All the reasons supporting this can fill up their own article, so we’re going to be focusing on how 2024’s hottest potato fares in terms of stars and ratings. “Israel” and their song “Octo–” sorry, “Hurricane” has the same star score as the Netherlands, which is 4.1 stars out of 5. However, “Hurricane” has almost ten thousand more ratings than “Europapa,” at 45,255 ratings. (4.1 - 3.5) + (45.2 - 18.6) => (0.6) + (26.6) = 27.2. Just for another moment, let’s disregard the implications of this number and just compare it to the 3 other examples we’ve done. At one end of the spectrum, Iceland is underrated with a Deviation Score of -9.2, and Sweden has a Dev. Score of -0.5. As a reminder, if a country is completely and perfectly “average,” they would receive a score of 0; as in, it’s not overrated nor is it underrated. However, the score for songs being underrated are a lot less severe than the others. The Netherlands’ Dev. Score of 17.5 and “Israel’s” 27.2 are up in the double digits, but why?

Well, the first explanation is very easily observable: “Israel,” the Netherlands, and several other countries are simply rated more than other countries are. Therefore, this is evidence to support the claim that more people overrate songs than people who underrate other songs. For context, the country with the lowest number of ratings is Albania, with only 9,094 ratings and a star score of 3.1 stars. The country with the highest number of ratings is actually Croatia, with 47,315 ratings as of April 25th and has the highest “overrated” Dev. Score with 29.5. And now that we have our equation and can actually tell who is statistically over or underrated, let’s actually ask what that “means.”

CHAPTER 4: Take (It) Away

At ten pages (and two visual aids) in, we finally have some concrete numbers to look at and discuss, leading with the question: What are we meant to take away? If being over/underrated is now mathematically observable, what does it all mean? To answer that question, we need to look at the entirety of our data table and apply real-world context to the numbers we’re looking at. As I mentioned near the beginning of this article, this is not about simple labels. Let’s start with the observation I made right before this chapter, “More people are more likely to overrate songs than people are to underrate them.” This is visible in multiple ways. First, as we discovered when we found the global average of each song’s star score, we got a score of 3.5/5 – above average! But it’s not just about the stars; there’s another noticeable trend between the highest star-scoring songs and how many people have rated them. Ten songs from 2024 have a star score of 4 stars or higher – Croatia, Greece, and Serbia were all tied at 4.3 stars. Between all ten songs, they have a total of 292,504 ratings. Now at the other end of the star spectrum, how do the lowest scorers look?

Well, no song this year got less than 2 stars, now matter how much I dislike “Scared of Heights.” However, there are eight songs that scored below 3 stars, in comparison to the ten higher scoring songs. Fun fact: Finland’s “No Rules!” is the lowest-ranking song that qualified for the final (as of April 25th), whereas the highest ranked NQ was Belgium. Anyway, between those eight songs underneath 3 stars, there’s only 129,063 ratings, which is approx. 170 thousand fewer ratings. The numbers don’t lie: if anyone ever claims “Eurofans just like to hate things,” statistically that’s wrong! It’s not impossible, either. On that note, though, one would be allowed to ask “But doesn’t that mean there are songs that are overrated?” And if you’re talking about the literal, specific definition of songs having a greater number of ratings than others, then yes you’re right. But I have a feeling that most people say the word “overrated” more emotionally than logically. Remember how I introduced Sweden as one of the most frequently overrated countries? My guess is that you didn’t disagree with that claim. And I’m not just guessing: I’ve seen every upset Kaarija stan, Mans-hater, and person with ears that dislikes “If I Were Sorry.” Sweden’s no stranger to the overrated accusation, but we just saw how this year that’s statistically untrue. The most perfectly middle-rated song this year is Luxembourg’s “Fighter” with a Deviation Score of -0.4. Sweden, Slovenia, Austria, and Czechia round out the Top 5 Most-Midrated Songs of 2024. And like the title of this article says, these five songs are by all definition “the fairest” of them all. Czechia is actually closest to the average number of ratings (that 18.6 we’ve been using in the equation) with 18,614 ratings. But hey, I like to indulge my own curiosity, so I wondered if these numbers are connected at all to who did or didn’t qualify. In Eurovision 2024, 11 songs did not qualify to the Grand Final. So, let’s look at the 11 most statistically-underrated songs!

They are from lowest to highest (of the low): Albania, Iceland, Azerbaijan, Moldova, Australia, San Marino, Armenia, Portugal, Malta, Latvia, and Cyprus. Now, Denmark and Poland aren’t that much higher than these 11, but they managed to not be in the bottom 11. And of these lowest 11 Dev. Scores, 7 ended up being NQ’s. In fact, it’s more understandable why the few Q’s of the bottom 11 are here. Armenia was the last-revealed song of 2024, and Portugal had the very last National Final of the season. They didn’t have as much time between their selection and April 25th when I collected the numbers like other songs had. And yet, Albania was one of the earliest selections and sits at the very bottom of the list – time may not heal all wounds. 

Cyprus and Latvia are the other two songs from the Bottom 11 of the Underrated’s that qualified, and I genuinely think this is where the legitimate factor of chance plays a part. Cyprus came 6th in its semi, so we can state that the live performance and competition of the semi elevated Cyprus to a better position in the televoters’ preference, despite the odds! Latvia could be a similar case, as it finished 7th in the second semi-final. Then come Saturday, the two songs ended up right next to each other on the scoreboard with Cyprus at 15th and Latvia at 16th. As we keep moving up the list of Deviation Scores, we can spot the four songs that did qualify in the eyes of the raters, but not in the show itself. Denmark is just above Cyprus, and two more spots up is Poland. Four more spots up is Czechia among the most midrated songs of the year, so they were a true “Could go either way” case. Then in the biggest jump to our final non-qualifier, Belgium is 11 spots higher than Czechia and sits at being the 9th Most Overrated of 2024. Here and now, we have finally arrived at the fabled: Shock NQ. Now, a non-qualifier being a “shock” is up to your own opinion. If you’re me, you’re sitting here writing this article knowing damn well you knew Belgium’s Q-streak was over before Mustii hit the stage. This is the honest truth, and only Silia Kapsis has the right to try and say otherwise. But it also can be said that it’s not about asking “Who was the Shock NQ?” and more about asking “Who had the most attention before they NQ’d?” And the answer would be Belgium! Anyway, at this point I’m starting to think to myself “Huh, can using this over/underrated equation be a method to possibly predict a country’s qualification?”

…and then I remembered: Qualifiers are chosen entirely by televote. Therefore, if the Deviation Scores can predict the qualifiers with about 64% accuracy, can it predict the televoting Top Ten?...Let’s find out!

When looking at the Top Ten Most Overrated Songs of 2024, we have:

1st. Croatia

2nd. Israel

3rd. Netherlands

4th. Switzerland

5th. Italy

6th. France

7th. Ukraine

8th. Greece

9th. Belgium

10th. Ireland

(11th: Lithuania)

And for comparison, let’s look at the Top Ten of the 2024 Televote:

1st. Croatia

2nd. Israel

3rd. Ukraine

4th. France

5th. Switzerland

6th. Ireland

7th. Italy

8th. Greece

9th. Armenia

10th. Lithuania

To begin, you’ll notice I included the 11th Most Overrated song in parenthesis, which is Lithuania. I did this to reflect that even though the Netherlands is 3rd Most Overrated, they sadly weren’t able to receive the televotes they deserved the night of the Final. Using the data from this table alone, my conclusion on the Netherlands is that they were easily going to place Top Ten in the Televote, which would then leave who in 11th? Lithuania. All that’s left is to replace Belgium – a poorly-staged pop ballad with a party-harshing climax – with Armenia, which is a song bursting with fun, flawless vocals, and something so Armenian it caused Azerbaijan to get sent to the Doom Dimension. Additionally, mostly out of curiosity, I checked how many more reviews “Jako” has on EurovisionWorld as of May 22nd, and they’re up from ~12,000 ratings to ~18,000 while maintaining their 3.7 star score both times – that’s a show of quality and enjoyment from audiences over time. So other than those cases…I think I just mathematically figured out how to predict the televote? And, I don’t even mean the Top Ten – I mean the whole competition.

So I ask you this: What do we do when we are suddenly given information about the ways the results of Eurovision can be reflected in data before the fact? The answer is not “try and make a profit.” No, that’s not how EuroQuision works. Instead: we use it as mathematical evidence that propaganda fucking works.

CHAPTER 5: Couldn’t See It Comin’

Except: now we know we did see it coming.

Before we dive into the serious stuff, you might be thinking that what I’ve presented is an attempt or desire to “break Eurovision” or take advantage of this information for personal gain. I won’t deny that bets play a huge role in Eurovision – it’s how we get the odds in the first place. But if you know me, you know I’m not in this for the money, even though that may differ from the EBU’s intentions. The truth is that I don’t have any practical means to try and “profit” from any way this information could be used. Part of journalism and sharing of information is the inability I have to control how it’s used despite my best intention.

My intention with this article is to provide evidence that “Israel’s�� attempts at utilizing Eurovision to get a good result and repaint their global image was nearly perfect, and the numbers said it was going to happen the whole time. Even without the numbers from EurovisionWorld, we knew how desperate “Israel’s” pleas for votes from the world were. From Duolingo’ing her way across the internet to coordinated efforts to vote en masse in various countries, Eden Golan was gunning for a televote win that she nearly reached, and that’s assuming every single one of those votes were completely legitimate. This is not said to try and accuse anyone of fraudulent voting when I don’t have evidence to support that. I mention it because vote buying is a practice that has been done in the past and actual delegations received punishment for doing so. Given the context of every other effort “Israel” put into their campaign for votes – and I mean everything: begging other artists/teams for positive press and harassing them to the point of retaliation – doesn’t make fraudulent voting seem out of the question. 

Unfortunately, I am no expert on voter fraud – ironic, me being an American and all, but I digress. This is something that, if proven true, will be revealed in the time post-Eurovision 2024. And if it’s true, I will happily discuss it! But for now, I can only  talk about what we do know, which is the newfound connection between EurovisionWorld’s sample of public ratings indicating a song’s predicted success or failure in the contest. This connection is reflective of the greatest tool a Eurovision song has: public perception. Or as some countries treat it: propaganda. Even though “Israel” is a country being sued by the ICJ for genocide, actively commit acts of violence to Palestinians as well as fellow-EBU member countries Lebanon, Jordan, and Egpyt, and were told multiple times by the EBU reference group to rewrite their political song lyrics, they still performed and qualified and finished Top Ten. Truly, did we even need my equation to prove “Hurricane” was overrated? Not really. Instead, “Hurricane” being so statistically overrated was a symptom of the larger effect of a successful PR campaign. When you consider that “Israel’s” mere existence inside of Eurovision is in itself a PR campaign, none of this is surprising. “Israeli” media took every possible moment to try and tell the world that their Eurovision participation was a good thing and truly represented being “united by music.” They did this in commercials and even in what “Israel” calls a sketch comedy show. 

All of these factors had me worried that despite my best hopes and efforts, somehow “Israel” would pull off a good result when they should have been removed months ago. However, the numbers were there the whole time. As we can see, the numbers don’t only apply to solely to “Israel.” Just as they came 2nd in my list and 2nd in the televote, Croatia was 1st in both, and the accuracy of the Top Ten as well as the bottom eleven/NQ’s can’t be ignored either. Truly think about that for a moment: on April 25th – several days before we saw any rehearsal footage or official performance – we knew with 80-90% accuracy the Grand Final televote results and who wasn’t going to qualify with 64% accuracy. And before you suggest that this was a Eurovision 2024-exclusive phenomenon, I thought of that too! So as a surprise fun addition, I ran my equation with the 2023 songs as well!

Since I can’t travel back in time to April 25th 2023, there’s no way I could collect all the ratings and stars with the same accuracy as I did for 2024, Thankfully, using the Wayback Machine Internet Archive. I managed to “go back in time” to a window of time spanning from mid-April to early-May and collect all the numbers. Even with a wider window of information, the 2023 Deviation Scores proved to be almost identical in accuracy – even more accurate in some cases. Starting with the Bottom 11 Most Underrated according to my equation, 9 of those countries turned out to be NQ’s. At the other end with the Top 10 Most Overrated, 7 out of those 10 did in fact finish in the Televote Top 10. And who was the most “overrated” of 2023? Not Finland, not Sweden, but “Israel” and “Unicorn.” This shows that for two years in a row, despite the drastic shift in public opinion and discussion concerning Israel’s participation, their songs that directly correlate to geopolitical aggression and self-victimization proved effective in the realm of Eurovision. So once again, I ask you, the reader: What do we do? CONCLUSION

Since I’m aware that a 20-page article is a bit long, I will go ahead and just list out the most important bits of information I covered and discussed:

Using the information from EurovisionWorld.com, we created an equation that figures out how close or far a song is from the global average of both stars and number of ratings.

Comparing these Deviation Scores reflects a somewhat-accurate correlation between how much the public “rates” a song and whether that song qualifies or potentially comes Top Ten in the Televote

Once these connections can be observed, we can discuss what factors or influences play a part in these connections (Is a song more popular? Is it less popular? Is it representing a country committing war crimes and hopes no one notices? Etc etc.)

Finally, here in the conclusion of all of this, we can answer that third point. As I mentioned, cases like Joost and “Europapa” being overrated are fairly easy to explain; well-known artist, extremely radio-friendly banger song, the list goes on. It also reflects why Iceland and “Scared of Heights” is near the bottom; a more “generic” paint-by-numbers pop song with simple English lyrics, a very unambitious composition, etc etc. However, there’s a difference between a song being over/underrated based on merit, and those with scores based on skewed public opinion one way or another.

I won’t pretend for a moment that spam-liking or spam-disliking doesn’t exist. For example, I’m aware of how Bashar Murad was the clear favorite to win over Hera Bjork, but sadly finished 2nd in what felt like a very devastating blow to the potential of Palestinian representation at Eurovision when it’s needed most. Anyone who rated Iceland poorly because of this is able to do so just as fairly as those who rate it low based on song quality alone. I cannot control the reasons as to why people choose to rate a song high vs. low.

Conversely, you might reasonably be saying “If ‘Israel’ is continuing to treat this as one big PR stunt, wouldn’t that mean all those positive ratings and their televote score are a result of artificially inflating the numbers and/or buying votes?” And as much as that’s one possible explanation, I’ll remind you that there are people who genuinely just enjoy “Hurricane” and dislike having to engage in contextualizing “Israel’s” Eurovision participation. For example, Worldvishawn is a Eurovision TikTok creator with over 300,000 followers, and on multiple occasions has published videos voicing his enjoyment and support of “Hurricane” this year. In a video discussing “Hurricane’s” rehearsals, he notes that the song is a “9/10” and is a case where “the live vocals are better than the studio version.” The issue here is not the fact that a fan of Eurovision has a positive opinion of a song that a lot of people dislike, that’s never a problem with me. The issue is that people with large platforms are able to give their opinions to hundreds of thousands of people with the click of a button and provides a space where people can attempt to remove any context of “Hurricane” and “Israel” whatsoever and just say the song is good. This is what indicates to me that all the positive numbers surrounding this song aren’t all completely fabricated and this should not conclude in a baseless accusation of buying or faking votes.

Eurovision 2024 was a year where at every level of control, nearly everyone chose to do nothing rather than doing something. At the tippy top of the ranks, it was up to the EBU to remove “Israel” because of their own previously-established actions and morals concerning geopolitical violence during Eurovision, specifically in the case of Russia. After they refused to do that, it was the responsibility of participating broadcasters to withdraw and refuse to participate. After all 37 broadcasters refused to actually do anything, it was up to the artists to put their career aside and take a stand in the public eye. And then, none of the artists did that! Some showed and voiced their advocacy, but none of them showed solidarity. If you aren’t familiar with the difference between advocacy and solidarity, advocacy is when you “advocate” your morals and beliefs in your words and attitude. Solidarity is when you put those words to action and actually do something actionable to disrupt the status quo to be in solidarity with those who are suffering and against a system of power that is ignoring them. And since none of the artists’ advocacy led to solidarity, there we were with a Grand Final with “Israel” coming 2nd in the televote and no one doing anything about it.

Now, I could go down the entire chain of responsibility of “Who needs to do something about this?” and eventually land where I and many others have been for months, which is the fun destination of Boycottville, but a lot of people hear the B-word and think its an invitation to start arguing and calling me a hypocrite. What I will state is this: boycotting is not something asked of us to try and simply prove our morals for show or optics, and it is not something we ask people do to in order to shame them should they choose not to. Boycotting is what we do when every level of command above us refuses to do anything about a system that is completely broken and exploitable. The numbers were there from the beginning and even I can admit I was foolish when I stated in my own video essay that “‘Israel’ isn’t going to get an enormous televote score.” That is something I said based on optimism and my own reasoning, before I actually came up with this equation and ran all the numbers. I was proven very wrong and I think I’m not the only one.

In the end, I need to remind us all that this was never about the results, it was never about “making sure ‘Israel’ doesn’t win.” If this were truly about making sure “Israel” didn’t win, then we would all have had to agree on one (1) artist to mass-vote for AND hope the juries liked as well, but that would be literally impossible. Whereas Eurofans could argue “Let’s mass-vote Croatia!” or “Mass-vote Ukraine again,” that is nowhere as easily and streamlined as it is for Zionists, “fake” votes, and “Israeli” fans to just spend all their money on voting for “Hurricane.” So once again: THIS IS NOT ABOUT RESULTS. The numbers sadly reflected “Israel” succeeding in their campaign nearly the entire way, and because they know that Eurovision is a system where everyone from the broadcasters to the fans don’t actually want to do anything that poses a threat to this silly contest, they’ll get the numbers they want. Trying to beat “Israel” at the game of Eurovision is a mathematical impossibility as things currently stand, and if EVERYONE continues to not want to change their behavior (the EBU, the broadcasters, the artists, the news websites, even the fans themselves), then “Israel” will keep playing this game successfully for years to come.

“The Fairest of Them All”

Researched and Written by Beatrice Quinn

Research Data Links:

Eurovision 2024: Deviation Scores

Eurovision 2023: Deviation Scores

THANK YOU TO MY PATREON SUPPORTERS!

$1 Members

Elliot1000

Jonny

Myrthe VT

Pax

Yas

Free Members

Forest

Gabe

If you want to support me directly, consider joining my Patreon!

Join for free or in one of three tiers! <3

[trickerys-domain]

Y'all ready for my hilariously candid unpopular UMK ranking!

Obligatory preferace that I'm just an opinionated bitch. This selection is overall really strong and I'm very much excited for the live show. I think a lot of these songs will make or break during the live. I also think there is an odd disparity in the obvious budget and set quiality for the 7 music videos. Almost like they had a different line-up and some songs were last minute replacements.

I also did not factor in whether a song would do well in eurovision at all because frankly rn I do not care.

This ranking will also probably change so like who cares, I'm ready to enjoy a great liveshow full of people who give a shit about their art.

Ok, here we go!

7. Vox Populi - Mikael Gabriel

The general sound of this one is fun and easy. Good filler or backgroud music. Like if it came on in shuffle I probably wouldn't skip it. However, the lyrics are like really bad. Especially in context of the seeming general opinion of this man I am seeing. Also, this man is strategically pandering and a. Its not working, b. No on seems to have noticed. The use of Matti and that obviously käärijä influenced face in the music video smacked me on first watch. He is capitalizing and I'm very curious to see what he does with the live. Not excited, just curious.

6. Dancing with Demons - Cyan Kicks

I liked Hurricane better. There its been said. I do enjoy listening to this but I forget about it a lot. It also took me until basically now to kinda remember what it sounds like. Meanwhile I can still think of the Hurricane chorus 2 years later having not listened to it since UMK 2022. I do think Cyan Kicks has a really good fun sound, I just don't vibe with this song all that much.

Also, this bears no weight on my opinion of either song. But I need to call out the hypocrisy I've been seeing online. I've seen so many people comment that they don't like the amount of autotune Sexmane uses in Mania and then go on to say how much Dancing with Demons showcases Susanna's voice. Like...... there is so much autotune on Dancing with Demons. It will not sound like that live. And that's fine, its clearly an artistic choice that fits with their musical style, like Sexmane. But pls just sit with that for a bit before complaining about the, frankly much less, autotune in a rap song. Tangent rant over.

5. Kuori Moi - Sini Sabotage

This is where my ranking will probably swap a lot. This song is really catchy and I ingeneral like this type of music. I call it chill sex. This is also a very fun unserious song and video played straight, and I appreciate that. I am worried about something with vocals this chill live. They're good vocals, but very intentionally monotone and if the staging isn't engaging it might fall flat. This song is mostly at 5th place because I dont have anything bad to say about it, but it doesn't stand out quite as much as some of the others. I adored her interview tho.

4. Paskana - Sara Siipola

This is a great power ballad while still being upbeat. It doesn't drag. The vocals are great. The music video is great even while being very simple. The lyrics and message are really really good too. This song gets stuck in my head a lot and I think it is, on a technical level, the stongest song this year. I really hope the staging supports the song but with how raw and peeled back the vibe of the song is it will be difficult to make staging that is engaging without being distracting.

3. No Rules! - Windows95Man

Pure unashamed 90s nostalgia schlock. This is very much the type of trashy eurodance I enjoy, so home run for me. I think the staging will be very fun, but maybe too much. Or it will be organized chaos like Portion Boys last year. Speaking of, this is definitely this years silly fan fave that will be well received but probably not win, a la Portion Boys and Teflon Brothers. For being trashy eurodance, I do think it is construced very well. It flows and it actually written well, its bad on purpose and it is successful. Is it the most original or masterful, no. It is very enjoyable and fun and low pressure, yes.

2. MANIA - Sexmane

This one gets stuck in my head the most. Good beat, good flow. I really like the sound of the chorus, including the auto tune. The lyrics hold more than I think comes across initially and you can tell Sexmane really connects with this song the way his voice delivers even in the studio version. This is the song that I'm most excited to see live because I wanna know what kind of staging he pulls out. Side note: I think it's really funny that the brother called Sexmane is less sexual musically than the one just called Isaac.

1. Glow - Jesse Markin

This is just a really phenomenally written and positive song. It is really nice to have some good classic rap at a competition like UMK. The flow is impeccable with his rapping too. There's a lot of American artists who can't write that well in english. The message of this song is really uplifting without feeling hollow because it recognizes you gotta actually work at being in a good place. Jessie is someone who knows exactly who he is as an artist and person and that translates into the song. Also Alpaca!

I think the the songs that have the biggest chance of winning are Paskana, Dancing with Demons, and No Rules!

But truly I have no clue how this will go. This is a very evenly matched line-up both in quality and fan reception. The live perfomances will 100% decide the outcome.

[silverraes]

My Top 9 albums of 2023

tagged by @mysterygrl20 tysm <3

my taste in music is kind of all over the place so prepare yourself for a wild ride, although I also listen to a lot of kpop (I've kinda been slacking on keeping up with releases over the past year tho oops) and we definitely have some overlap in favorite albums

I apologize in advance for how long this post is going to become but you're really opening the floodgates by letting me talk about music lol

(it's been a very dry year for my favorite metal bands or this list would've been even more chaotic lmao)

1) Dear Insanity... by DPR Ian

while I struggled to rank most of these, there was absolutely no question about my #1 album of the year. I only just discovered DPR Ian in 2023 and he very quickly became my favorite artist ever. you might have even seen me talk about this album an unhealthy amount of times already lol. he's just such an insanely good artist and every single song on this album is just soooo damn good.

part of why I love him so much is also the story he tells throughout his music videos and just how insanely good all of his MVs look and how well the visuals fit the music so I feel obligated to link the MV to my favorite song off this album:

(some flashing lights in this one, folks, be warned)

2) The World Ep.2: Outlaw by Ateez

everything Ateez releases is immediately getting added to my favorites, what can I say. I didn't have the money to go to their 2023 tour but I did see them live in 2022... absolutely worth the one and only time I ever caught corona. not a single bad song on this album, they're all absolute bangers.

3) Take Me Back To Eden by Sleep Token

I only just discovered Sleep Token in 2023 but I absolutely fell in love with this entire album and their style in general. almost got to see them live but then I ended up getting surgery on the exact day of their concert... :')

4) OO-LI by Woodz

I am a Woodz stan first and a human second. I'm convinced this man is incapable of releasing bad music, everything he does is just so damn good and I love how he explores a bunch of different genres while still making all of his music just sound like him y'know

also honorable mention to Amnesia which is only a single album so it didn't make the list but if you like more eerie stuff and the general vibe of his music, definitely check it out, I love it so much

5) On My Youth by WayV

WayV will forever have me in a chokehold. they've been my favorite NCT unit since their debut and honestly also the only unit I managed to properly keep up with over the last year ashgasj. I just really love their style of music and how they've actually been sticking to it

6) The Name Chapter: Temptation by TXT

It's truly been a TXT kinda year for me, I've been listening to them a lot. there aren't many songs on this album but I still love it so so much, all of the songs are great and Sugar Rush Ride is such a unique title track

7) Dark Blood by Enhypen

honestly Enhypen are part of the reason why I might have to update my top 3 kpop groups to a top 5 lol. all of their albums so far have been great and this one was no different, I still listen to a lot of the songs on it on repeat

8) RUSH! (Are U Coming?) by Måneskin

well what can I say, Måneskin have had me in a chokehold ever since they won the Eurovision and I actually got to see them live in 2023! drove all the way over to Berlin for them and everything, great album with great songs. I love both their more rock-ish songs and their slower songs and this album has a great mix of both (although I wish there would've been some more Italian songs on here)

9) MONO by K.Flay

K.Flay has been one of my more underrated faves for a couple years by now and I'll take any chance to gush about her music. there's just something very unique about K.Flay's music and this album certainly didn't disappoint. honestly, the only reason why I ended up putting this one on the "last" place is that I haven't listened to it as much as the other albums on this list

Honorable mentions!

bc once I start talking about music, I just simply can not stop at only 9 albums and this list isn't quite chaotic enough yet to properly describe my taste in music lmao

ODD-VENTURE by MCND

this is a rather recent one so I haven't listened to it enough for it to make the list, but I love everything MCND put out and this is definitely also a great album! (plus the title track is yeehaw kpop which is incredibly creative of them and I didn't know I needed that in my life)

HAPPYPILLS by Utsu-P

and this is where I expose the true chaotic nature of my taste in music lmao. Utsu-P's music is the perfect clash of world's between teen-me's obession with vocaloid and current-me's love for metal. I didn't include this album bc I still haven't gotten around to listening to all of it, but the songs that I did listen to, I absolutely loved

Phantomime by Ghost

oh you thought you made it through an entire post of me talking about music without mentioning Ghost? Hah, fool. jokes aside, this is an album full of cover songs so I didn't include it but it's still full of bangers. I reached audio cap now but I'll include their Jesus He Knows Me cover bc this was an absolute treat to witness live:

if you've made it this far without getting whiplash: congrats!

tagging (as always, no pressure, feel free to ignore this): @negrowhat @fallsouthwinter @spicypussywave @thisisworsethanitlookslike @supanuts @buddhamethods @alienwlw and anyone else who wants to do it!

[aijamisespava]

Eurovision Thought: My Junior Eurovision Winners

While my rankings for Eurovision are rather expansive, currently going back to 2005, Junior Eurovision has not met that fate yet. I may make it my next project to check off all the years since it only goes back to 2003. But for now, I'll reveal my winners for 2022 and 2023 for you, the only years I've ranked thus far.

2022: "Lose My Head" by Freya Skye (United Kingdom) 2023: "Hoiame kokku" by Arhanna (Estonia)

This seems like a fun adventure ahead coming soon, and I can't wait for it!

[billy-hitchcock]

Here we go again

So I'm getting back into Eurovision and before I try out another poll tournament I'm going to give my top 5 from each year since 2021

2021

5.Italy Måneskin Zitti E Buoni

4.Switzerland Gjon's Tears Tout l'Univers

3.Ukraine Go_A Shum (There isn't a yellow option)

2.Finland Blind Channel Dark Side

1.Bulgaria Victoria Growing up is getting old

2022

5.Azerbaijan Nadir Rustamli Fade to black

4.Montenegro Vladana Breathe

3.Moldova Zdob și Zdub & Advahov Brothers Trenulețul

2.France Alvan & Ahez Fulenn

1.Australia Sheldon Riley Not the same

2023

5.Slovenia Joker Out Carpe Diem 4.France La Zarra Évidemment 3.Norway Alessandra Queen Of Kings 2.Finland Käärijä Cha Cha Cha 1.Croatia Let 3 Mama ŠČ!

2024

5.Estonia 5Minuust & Puuluup (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi (it wont let me use black lmao) 4.Switzerland Nemo The Code 3.Croatia Baby Lasagna Rim Tim Tagi Dim 2.Norway Gåte Ulveham 1.Ireland Bambie Thug Doomsday Blue

Please leave your personal opinions in the comments!

Ok I thought it'd be irresponsible to talk about Eurovision without speaking about Israel, I excluded Israel in all these rankings because no matter what you support you have to admit that they have broken international law and brought this years contest into disrepute (the reason they disqualified Russia in 2022) by harassing other delegates and if the EBU wants Eurovision to continue I think we need Israel banned until this horrible conflict is over and sorted.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2022: #03

03. SWEDEN Cornelia Jakobs - “Hold me closer” 4th place

Decade Ranking: 6/79 [Above Monika Liu, below Barbara Pravi]

Reality can sometimes be a big cruel jape. Through providence, Sweden finally send a woman to Eurovision She was selected basically through sheer luck (and thank Vishnu can you imagine how low Sweden would have ranked if they had picked Baggy Anders?) and yet quickly became their best hope for a top 3 since 2012, and rose as a contender, beloved by all. 

She was left stranded in fouth place. 

Seriously, how did Cornelia not win? Yeah I know why (The Circumstances) but honestly it’s moments like *this song* being a *fourth placer* that sometimes call the validity of the contest into question. I honest, hand-on-heart feel that without the invasion everyone would have flocked to the altar to Cornelia and willed her victory into reality. Like, yeah the Chanel stans calculated that -surprise- Spain would have won with a Ukraine WD, but are we really going do indulge their headcanon? Fuck no, and I say this as someone who has just ranked Chanel ahead of Cornelia Jakobs. 

Anyway, we have finally arrived at the final instance of “This was some really good music” on the 2022 ranking. As with many of my faves this year, I felt like Sweden finally did something that they should have done years ago: send a GREAT indie pop song to the contest, one that validates Sweden’s reputation at the contest while simultaneously invalidating the claim that only overproduced, generic-sounding scandi-blandi pop has a shot at winning Mello. 

 And it’s definitely a challenge to be a better ballad than “Hold me closer” - It’s as graceful and poignant as Cornelia Jakobs herself.  Lines such as “So baby bye bye, wish you the best, but most of all I wish that I could love you less”, “you say it isn’t me but when did that ever help” and “so before the sunrise, could you just holllllllllllld me tiiiiiiiiiight” just go through bone and marrow, through sinew and flesh, through heart and soul. 

The Real Songs of this world don’t have “socially relevant” or "academic” topics - they turn the most banal, universal feelings and make them feel special. Cornelia delivered her message with such a rawness, with such a fatalistic truth I’m longer flesh and bone when I give Hold Me Closer a listen. I’m a marshmallow man. 

Because I went there. We ALL went there. Everybody who has ever loved and has felt unloved has went there, which is everyone. When Cornelia sings from the heart, truthfully and unpretentiously, she speaks for us, and that’s #Powerful.

So why only third? Well, two things. First of all, while I love the staging (Cornelia slamming a giant hoop, then fruitlessly begging the crowd for affection 😭😭😭) , the performances are Melfest were better. The first ever live performance of Hold Me Closer was its best, and Sweden never managed to recreate the same feeling of magic in Turin, despite being one of the few countries to be fully unaffected by the Kinetic Sun. 

And secondly, I usually do rank my indie weirdo’s first, so why not change it up? In Corpore Sano and SloMo are not as good as songs, sure, but Eurovision is a Live Performance Contest first, and only a Song Contest second. And thank fuck it is, because otherwise the stage show would hold no relevance of its own and we would just be ranking music videos. 

Still, there’s only one truth to Hold Me Closer and that is this:

Tattoo will do better in Liverpool and this is something we should ALL feel a little bit uneasy about.  🙂

The Ranking. 

[eurovision-facts]

Eurovision Fact #538:

The most listened to song on the Eurovision YouTube channel during the month of September was Little Big's "Uno," which was supposed to be Russia's 2020 entry.

The song has placed in the top spot on these top-20 lists a total of 10 times, and there are only 21 of these top-20 rankings. It earned this spot in: January, February, March, April, August, September, October, November, and December of 2022, and January of 2023.

[Source]

Eurovision Top 20 Most Watched: The biggest videos on our YouTube Channel, YouTube.com.

[bettyg196]

My thoughts on Eurovision 2024 entries

Here are my ranking, my ratings, and my comments on the songs of Eurovision 2024.

Please note that I reviewed the entries before the beginning of the rehearsals, the post has already aged before it was published.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LUXEMBOURG : Tali - Fighter

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 23th

A nice song sung mainly in French with about 15% to 20% English lyrics. Frankly, it’s a song that could have competed in Destination Eurovision if France Télévisions hadn’t abandoned it. It's a nice entry overall, I would have liked it to be entirely sung in French, maybe I would have ranked it higher. The performance during the Luxembourg Song Contest is convincing in itself, I just hope that Tali will abandon her dominatrix look for her future performance in Malmö.

GEORGIA : Nutsa Buzaladze - Firefighter

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 12th

I loved Georgia in 2022, I loved Georgia in 2023 and I love Georgia again this year! Firefighter is the banger the country deserves. I love the dancebreak before the second verse, it’s a strong and catchy song. Nutsa will slay on stage, I trust her.

IRELAND : Bambie Thug - Doomsday Blue

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 6th

Doomsday Blue is very chaotic, contrasting and noisy. It’s a multi-genre song, powerful and soft at the same time, but above all very impactful. It caught my attention from the start. Okay, the performance during the Eurosong was not perfect but the Late Late Show is not an appropriate show for national finals. Despite everything, Bambie Thug slayed and won the national final by the will of the Irish public, desperate for the country to qualify to the grand final. This entry will stand out from the other songs during the 1st semi-final that's for sure, we can only hope that the staging and the performance are much superior to that of the Eurosong. Either it passes or it breaks. Ireland took a big risk this year and I hope it pays off because for once the Emerald Isle deserves its place in the final for daring and originality.

LATVIA : Dons - Hollow

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 21st

What a voice. It's a solid song. I like how the entry is constructed and produced, it's a track that will attract everyone's attention during the second semi-final, provided it has a much more impactful staging than that during Supernova . It was the best choice to make for Latvia, qualification will be difficult given the competition. However, Dons has an excellent presence and is very professional on stage, and as Hollow is one of the few ballads in this semi-final, I still think Latvia has a chance to advance to the final, but it will be very hard.

SLOVENIA : Raiven - Veronika

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 4th

Veronika is a powerful song, the narration and construction is so well done. This is what I expected from Raiven musically. Slovenia should qualify without any problem provided they have a magical and impactful display. I'm not worried about the performance in Malmö, Raiven will do the job impeccably.

DENMARK : Saba - Sand

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 13th

Finally Denmark is starting to wake up. In all honesty, it’s a very good song even if it’s clearly a Melfest reject. The melody is catchy, impactful and powerful enough to grab attention. It's going to be hard to qualify for the final but I know that Saba will put in a very good performance, she has the skills for that. On the other hand, she must be more confident on stage and the staging should be slightly less bright. For me it's the best Danish entry in the competition since Higher Ground 6 years ago.

SAN MARINO : Megara - 11:11

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 7th

Is 11:11 objectively better than Arcadia ? No. Do I care ? Neither. I'm just happy that Megara is finally going to Eurovision and it's no secret, I really like the song. The track is very different from the one of Benidorm Fest 2023, we stay in rock and in the group's universe. I really appreciate the touch of flamenco in the dancebreak, it sounds more fun and accessible compared to their entry from the Spanish national selection. As they represent San Marino, it is clear, to my regret, that the Spanish group will not qualify for the final unless there is a huge turnaround.

AUSTRIA : Kaleen - We Will Rave

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 19th

We Will Rave is a bop, in fact I expected the worst but it sounds better than I would have hoped. The song is repetitive and not groundbreaking but it is catchy and very memorable. Can Austria qualify ? Everything will depend on the performance, the staging of the song and the dance number of Kaleen, if the whole act is great then the country can go to the final to aim for the top 20 at least. That said, the nation is not immune to the fan flop of the year, the concurrence is tough in the second semi-final.

MALTA : Sarah Bonnici - Loop

Rating : 7/10

Ranking : 25th

Loop is pretty good, Sarah Bonnici performs her song carefully, the performance in the final of the Malta Eurovision Song Contest is convincing. Too bad the revamp isn't as good, but it's far from bad. That said, it's all-purpose, it's clearly Walmart's SloMo and Malta will go unnoticed in its semi-final. Too bad because the performer seems likeable to me and the country just has the misfortune of sending a bop in this very good edition of the contest.

GERMANY : Isaak - Always On The Run

Rating : 4,5/10

Ranking : 33rd

It’s a radio-friendly song, it’s very ordinary but the production is okay. But it’s deja vu and overheard, I would have liked there is something more in this entry because it’s too standard for Eurovision. It's a shame to see that Germany is starting to send too generic tracks to the contest again after a clearly undeserved last place last year.

ALBANIA : Besa - Titan

Rating : 4,5/10

Ranking : 32nd

Besa is a great performer on stage. The Albanian version of Titan had Eurovision potential. Although I liked the revamp at first, I grew tired of listening to it after a second listen. Certainly, the revamp sounds more modern, but the absence of the Albanian language made the song considerably less impactful than the original version. In the end, I give Albania a 4.5/10, which must focus everything on staging because the vote of the Albanian diaspora may not be enough to qualify for the final.

AZERBAIJAN : Fahree feat Ilkin Dovlatov - Özünlə Apar

Rating : 3/10

Ranking : 36th

Yeah meh for the Azeri song. It's going nowhere, I find it boring. Okay, it's more ethnic compared to last year's proposal and at least the Azerbaijani language is present but that's it. I pass.

CZECHIA : Aiko - Pedestal

Rating : 8/10

Ranking : 17th

I have loved Pedestal since the first listen and the first performance during the Czech national selection. It’s the kind of song that boosts self-confidence, it’s a song that could have been found in Olivia Rodrigo’s discography. Aiko is an artist who knows how to sing and perform as we saw during the pre-parties, I hope she will have a performance that lives up to her track.

CROATIA : Baby Lasagna - Rim Tim Tagi Dim

Rating : 10/10

Ranking : 1st

I love the beginning, the song is incredibly catchy, fun, epic and memorable. It reminds me of Rammstein. His performances during the Croatian national final are brilliant. I validate the hype and this is my personal winner of Eurovision 2024.

NETHERLANDS : Joost Klein - Europapa

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 14th

It’s a catchy and fun Dutch song. At first, I thought it wasn't really competitive and strong, but it kinda grew on me to the point where I gave her an 8.5/10 haha ! Joost Klein will entertain Europe during the 2nd semi-final. It is a very beautiful tribute to his parents and to Europe.

POLAND : Luna - The Tower

Rating : 7/10

Ranking : 24th

Luna is quite a good choice, the song is very respectable by TVP standards. Overall it's good, but I wonder how it will go on stage in Malmö. Will it be enough to reach the final ? We will see.

AUSTRALIA : Electric Fields - One Milkali (One Blood)

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 22nd

First of all, I am very happy that Electric Fields is finally going to Eurovision. Okay, the song is less strong and impactful compared to 2000 and Whatever, but it's still a good song to listen to, it's not that bad. Australia's qualification for the final will depend on the staging during its semi-final, it's either make or break.

CYPRUS : Silia Kapsis - Liar

Rating : 5,5/10

Ranking : 29th

It's cool to see Liar finally released even if we'll never hear the full version from Melissa Mantzoukis. It’s basic girlbop with a dancebreak, it’s already done, already heard and seen before. It's not the best bop Cyprus has sent to Eurovision and I wish the country would take more risks musically next time because it's getting a bit boring. Or maybe the nation should send a ballad and a GOOD ballad, not Andrew Lambrou's bland ballad from last year. That said, Liar is still pretty memorable. With a good live performance, Silia Kapsis can qualify but it will be hard without the presence of Greece in its semi-final.

ICELAND : Hera Björk - Scared Of Heights

Rating : 5,5/10

Ranking : 30th

Clearly, I prefer the iconic Je ne sais quoi. Scared of Heights is a happy and very generic pop song, it's memorable but it's dated and absolutely uncompetitive. Too bad, Iceland had so many good options to take in it's national final like Anita, Sigga Ózk, Bashar Murad or even VÆB and the country took the worst one among the finalists. But hey, Hera Björk is back, I'm happy for her but it will be very difficult to qualify for the final this year.

UNITED KINGDOM : Olly Alexander - Dizzy

Rating : 7,5/10

Ranking : 20th

Dizzy is a good pop song but it won't win the contest, too commercial. I like the 90s vibes, it’s retro. In the final, the United Kingdom will finish at worst top 20, at best top 10 with a good live performance and a good staging.

ESTONIA : 5MIINUST & Puuluup - (nendest) Narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 15th

It is very funny ! This is the Estonia I want to see in the contest ! I love it, the Estonians too, they clearly made the right choice at Eesti Laul. It was obvious, this entry is very memorable and emblematic. It will go very easily to the final, however the juries will not like it, so I think the country will finish in the top 20 at least.

ARMENIA : Ladaniva - Jako

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 5th

Jako is awesome ! It breathes and sweats Armenian folk music. It’s the perfect song to show and embrace Armenian identity on the Eurovision stage. Thank you Ladaniva !

ISRAEL : Eden Golan - Hurricane

Rating : 3/10

Ranking : 37th

That's it ? It’s painfully basic, bland, weak and boring. It sounds like the discount version of “A Million Voices”.

GREECE : Marina Satti - Zari

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 10th

Zari is an earworm, I always have the rhythms and melody playing in my head. It’s so true to Marina Satti’s musical universe, I really appreciate that Greece sent something bold, ethnic, original and catchy for the competition. I hope Marina will qualify for the final.

BELGIUM : Mustii - Before The Party's Over

Rating : 8/10

Ranking : 16th

In all honesty, it's a good song that grabs attention, sounds heartfelt, and is memorable. However, I have a feeling that it won't do better than Gustaph last year, who knows why. Maybe a top 20 in the final ? That said, it remains one of my favorite songs of this edition and I wish the best for our Belgian neighbors in Malmö.

SPAIN : Nebulossa - Zorra

Rating : 6,5/10

Ranking : 26th

It’s a catchy synthwave song, the 80s vibes are nice. The live performance is much better than the studio version, but let's be honest, it will be a miracle if Spain finishes at least in the top 20. Zorra is clearly very weak compared to SloMo and Eaea.

SERBIA : Teya Dora - Ramonda

Rating : 4/10

Ranking : 35th

There are two songs that I don't understand the hype among the fans and this song is one of them. Don't get me wrong, it's a nice song (and Serbia could have sent worse), but it seriously lacks of impact and isn't really memorable. Teya Dora is a good singer but I'm not a fan of her soporific musical universe.

PORTUGAL : Iolanda - Grito

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 9th

It’s a very beautiful, punchy Portuguese ballad, both modern and somehow traditional. It highlights Iolanda's voice well. The live performance is better than the studio version. Grito being one of the rare ballads of the first semi-final, it should and must qualify for the grand final.

FRANCE : Slimane - Mon amour

Rating : 9/10

Ranking : 8th

Mon amour is what I expected from Slimane for the contest, so I’m not disappointed. Very good song, nothing else to say. Slimane remained fully in his universe and that is the main thing. It remains to be seen how the staging will be in Malmö, hoping that there will not be too many unnecessary artifices. Bonne chance Slimane !

SWITZERLAND : Nemo - The Code

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 2nd

The Code is a rollercoaster, we hear a lot of musical styles. It’s superbly catchy and memorable. Nemo is very charismatic and tells their story through this entry in a very theatrical way. If the staging is done well, there is a chance that we will go to Switzerland in 2025. I wish the best to our Swiss neighbors.

MOLDOVA : Natalia Barbu - In The Middle

Rating : 4/10

Ranking : 34th

Honestly, I prefer Fight (Barbu's song at Eurovision 2007). In The Middle is a decent song but nothing more, there is nothing memorable in this far too anecdotal entry. The chorus is the strongest part of the song, too bad the live performance is too static overall, they look like statues on stage. Unless the staging and camera work is exceptional, I don't see Moldova in the final this year.

NORWAY : Gåte - Ulveham

Rating : 8/10

Ranking : 18th

At first, I didn't understand the fans' hype for Ulveham, I found that the song was slow to take off and that it was quite muddled and messy. But it was after Gåte’s performance during the second semi-final of the Norwegian national final that I better understood the idea and the history of the track. In the end, it's a good rock song in Norwegian with excellent staging and very good camera work. Norway will go to the final without any problem, however, I believe that the international juries will perhaps not understand the Norwegian entry.

LITHUANIA : Silverster Belt - Luktelk

Rating : 5/10

Ranking : 31st

The choreography and singing are on point, the staging is correct. This entry has its place at Eurovision... But I don't like Luktelk as much as most people in the Eurofandom do. This song goes nowhere and has nothing particularly special about it. Dancing on stage is more like a warm-up before a dance class. With Ramonda, it is the most overrated song of the edition. Why this 5/10 you ask me ? For the presence of the Lithuanian language and especially for the overall performance which saves this very average track.

FINLAND : Windows95Man - No Rules !

Rating : 6/10

Ranking : 28th

It's a fun song that doesn't take itself seriously, it's not very competitive for the contest but I like it. It's clearly not the worst song of this year, however Paskana would have been a better option for Finland. I think the country will go to the final and have a similar fate that Fulenn and I Wrote A Song got, a penultimate place.

SWEDEN : Marcus & Martinus - Unforgettable

Rating : 6/10

Ranking : 27th

Unforgettable could have been more memorable as a track, it's a little too boilerplate. It's still a good song though. Marcus & Martinus know how to sing, perform and drive the audience crazy at each performance. The staging is very professional with a futuristic atmosphere. Let's be honest, Sweden won't win for an eighth time this year, but they will make a top 5 without any problem thanks to the international juries and the Nordic televoting.

UKRAINE : alyona alyona & Jerry Heil - Teresa & Maria

Rating : 8,5/10

Ranking : 11th

Great duo, very beautiful song with a lot of impact, Teresa & Maria is a banger. Jerry Heil and Alyona Alyona convinced me with this track from the first listen. Ukraine will make a top 5 without any problem in the final. On the other hand, I hope for a better staging and a change of outfit for Malmö, they look like nuns without their headdress on stage.

ITALY : Angelina Mango - La Noia

Rating : 9,5/10

Ranking : 3rd

What a bop !!! La noia is very easy to remember and very danceable. It fits so well with current music. Angelina Mango is the perfect representative for Italy at Eurovision. She rocked in Sanremo, she’s going to rock in Malmö. I would be very surprised if Italy does not make a top 3 in the final.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And that concludes my thoughts on Eurovision 2024 entries.

Thank you for reading.

[anyways-wonderwall]

Eurovision Special!

I would just like to start this by saying woah. I have been keeping up with Eurovision for the past 7 years and have written about the last four, and this is easily the biggest shitshow I have ever seen. Never before has my Twitter been solely about Eurovision, and never have I seen Americans actually kinda care.

Just to make it clear from the beginning, Israel should not have been in this competition and should never be invited back after all they did this year, although we all know that since they own Moroccan Oil they will never face any consequences. Not only that but their song this year sucked! It got the lowest rating from me this year, even putting controversial stuff aside.

Anyways, it is time for the annual tradition of me telling you what my five favorite songs were and what I thought of the entries this year. If you've read any of my other Eurovision posts (I've reviewed 2021, 2022, and 2023), you'll know that I go through and grade all of these songs on a spreadsheet through a very objective rigorous process. I grade on five categories (which are eerily similar to what the jury does): Singer, Song, Catchiness, Performance, and the bonus points category Diversity. The max score is technically a 40, but that last category can and has put some songs over the edge. Oh and this ranking is based on how much I like the song, so the order may not fully match the scores.

All the drama aside, this was one of the best years song-wise for Eurovision (this was definitely the hardest its been to rank the songs ever). I think countries are starting to understand that being quirky pays off, so now we're getting real song diversity and really amazing performances. Also, Eastern Europe really gave it their all this year and I cannot thank them enough. (Oh and all of these songs, minus Croatia, are NOT IN ENGLISH!! Truly an incredible year)

5. Netherlands - Europapa by Joost Klein

Score: 35/40

Notes: good energy song itself is meh

Final Ranking: uhhhhhh, that's a long story

Look I get it, this song truly embodies Eurovision in every way. It's in Dutch, one of the silliest languages out there, he's out there wearing crazy outfits and has a silly haircut, its a euro-techno hit, he has the emotional angle since it was dedicated to his parents; this is one of the most perfect Eurovision songs to enter. All that aside though, its not that interesting or awesome as a song. The main riff is incredibly catchy and the production choices with the piano are pretty cool, but it just feels like a rip off of the silliness of last year's "Cha Cha Cha," down to ending in a boring techno breakdown. I think this song is a clear response to that (down to the shoulder pads) but it still is pretty good and did a great job making this year even crazier than anyone thought possible.

4. Greece - ZARI by Marina Satti

Score: 33/40

Notes: I've never been more flummoxed

Final Ranking: 11th

This song on the other hand, is one of the most interesting things I have ever heard. Marina Satti as an artist and this song has been occupying my thoughts nonstop, because what the hell is happening here. It's like Rosalina-style cumbia got lost in the East Mediterranean and the music video leaves me even more confused. The crazy jumps from Arab traditional flute sounds to strings to a cumbia baseline to a men's choir, to a melodramatic echoey bridge? I took a whole class on writing about music and I can't find the words to describe this one. And all of her media around it uses 2005 word art fonts and clip art? And she is serious about everything the entire time. Everything she does is hilarious and off the wall, yet she continues the persona of a pop diva. I seriously cannot get enough of her.

just want to point out that this is one of her real album covers. The word icon doesn't cover it.

3. Armenia - Jako by LADAVINA

Score: 41/40

Notes: Trumpet player hot or not

Final Ranking: 8th

Speaking of icons, look at these two! I really think this year was countries really embracing their native genres, whether that be Eurodance, Mediterranean Cumbia, Eastern European Emo, or Armenian folk music. This song just truly embodies fun. The lively beat, the screaming and yipping, a crowd cheering, the wailing trumpet, the random instruments whispering in the background. Listening to this makes you feel like you are a part of the coolest party ever, with flute and ukulele solos, and freedom to yell as loud as you want. I cannot get enough of this song and the energy these two bring to it, and I am so glad Armenia picked an absolute banger to represent them this year.

2. Estonia - (nendest) narkootikumidest ei tea me (küll) midagi by 5MIINUST x Puuluup

Score: 44/40

Notes: EASTERN EUROPE IS BACK BABEY

Final Ranking: 20th

This song is just awesome, in every way. You have this weird Estonian string thing, voices so low that it sounds like throat singing, all mixed with that kind of techno that feels so intrinsically Eastern European. The music video has them driving around a Soviet-style building complex just messing around in abandoned warehouses and parking lots. This is what I'm talking about when I say that countries are going back to their roots and not just trying to send what they think is the most marketable. I see this as a sequel to Moldova's entry last year, which involved a Eurovision veteran with some new faces, mixing old and new to make a masterpiece that has so much personality.

Croatia - Rim Tim Tagi Dim by Baby Lasagna

Score: 43/40

Notes: Meow cat, please meow back

Final ranking: 2nd!

Look at this guy, he looks like someone who you would love to bring home to your parents and would like cats. He wasn't supposed to compete for Croatia this year and was put in last minute and I'm so glad because my life would have been so much darker without this banger in it. It's a classic emo anthem about leaving your farm-filled hometown to go to the big scary city, but he doesn't take himself too seriously with a name like "Baby Lasagna" and a chorus of nonsense words. The music videos as sped up farmers dancing and a cat that looks exactly like mine (both one-eyed and orange), and is a perfect mix of vulnerable and silly. This really seems like someone who was genuinely making something fun and expressing himself, and just happened to almost win Eurovision in the process.

Here's to hoping Eurovision actually happens next year after everything that went down, and if you're curious my least favorite songs were the offensively boring entries from Israel and Albania.

[eurovision-revisited]

Eurovision 2002 - Number 29 - Laura - "Addicted to You"

Like Spain, Finland put a lot of effort and money into Eurovision 2002. While Spain had a brand new singing competition, Finland poured money into promoting their singer, Laura Voutilainen and the song Addicted to You across Finland and Europe prior to the competition.

Laura is a big name. She'd been in the Finnish charts since the mid-1990s, scoring top 10 hits and released many other singles. She'd won the Finnish music industry Emma award for best female vocalist in both 1994 and 1996, and after releasing five albums up to 2002, she was still going strong.

In Euroviisut 2002 she won easily, topping the regional jury vote and then the televote only final by a long way from second place. Everything was set for a big result for Finland travelling just across the short distance across the Gulf of Finland in what is almost a home event. YLE had been pushing for Eurovision success for some years maybe this was the one, although not achieving it for a whole variety of reasons.

Addicted to You is a disco floor-filler. It meets all the requirements for Eurovision template. High-tempo, big vocals, well sung and full of energy. 2001 had shown that party songs and big female-front bops were what the Eurovision audience wanted, and Laura was delivering it. It even got a decent running order, pretty much at the mid-point of the competition.

It came 20th of 24 songs. I don't know why. It feels like a song that the fanbase should still be celebrating, yet it's sort of slipped out of the collective Eurovision fanbase memory. It's not in the latest songfestival.be top 500 (2022 version), and it's ranked 12th in 2002 by the ESC Discord global ranking at the time of writing. Despite all it's energy, somehow, it fails to take off.

Like the Netherlands in 2001, the effort, promotion and investment of a broadcaster failed and instead of a national celebration, relegation was the result. Finland and YLE had been truly trying hard with their national final and yet, here they are, relegated again. Laura did not deserve this outcome at all. She tried to qualify again in 2007 but fell short. Her music career luckily wasn't affected by this and she has still be releasing music all the way up to the 2020s. Her last album (her 14th) was out in 2019, with other music published more recently than that.