#Ethereal may be a more fitting word to describe it

[completely-zoned-out]

I'll and Ha Hyun Sang's voices blend together so beautifully oh my goodness

[onlyswan]

summary: in which the sweet ache of yearning metamorphoses into the art of intimacy and knowing.

idol!jk x reader, est. relationship / fluffy fluff, a dash of angst, explicit content (minors dni!!) / word count: 10.5k

warnings/content: divided into seven parts. it’s like a timeline hehe <3 ; mainly in jk’s pov!! ; underaged drinking (oc is 18 in that part but the legal age of drinking in sk is 19 so!) ; mention of almost? n*des (neither sent by our mcs) ; making out ; thigh grinding ; brief or*l (f. rec + allusions to m. rec) ; mention and allusion to s*x [yesyes it’s the first time] [oc may or may not cry a little too…] ; they have a ‘what if i die before you?’ discourse lmao

playlist! restless - bibi ; lily of the valley - daniel ; who do you love - the black skirts ; intro (end of the world) - ariana grande ; snow - josh makazo

> in which masterlist!

note: look at my gorjus ethereal bf !!!! anyway… hi, i’m back ^_^ here’s my not so little offering to those who’s been missing the iw couple <3 as always i’d love to hear your thoughts :") come chat!!

—

I. THE FALLING

“just stay the night.” you blurt out, turning to jungkook to express your worry. “i can’t let you leave right now. it’s not safe.”

his wide eyes scan the headline of the news once more.

heavy snowfall, road accident, several injured… versus staying the night at the apartment of not quite his friend, not quite his lover, for the first time.

he can’t deny that he favors the latter over the former with an explicable feeling rendering him breathless. still, he can’t allow his enthusiasm to cloud his better judgement. he knows he’s still somewhat of a stranger to you. he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome or make you feel uncomfortable in your own space.

“are you sure you’re comfortable with it?”

“sure. should i be worried?“

“no! uhm, i just thought not everyone would be comfortable to have a person they’re not very close with to sleep over.”

you chuckle, lightly bumping your shoulder against his. “chill. i have bigger things to be scared of than the guy who just cried with me while watching an anime movie.”

oh… he thought you were too absorbed in wiping your own tears to notice him crying too.

he slumps back on the sofa with a sigh. “i see. i guess we’re left with no choice then.”

“i have an extra toothbrush!”

—

jungkook doesn’t quite understand people’s obsession with his eyes, but getting enamored by the innocence that yours seem to glisten with, he wonders if he is experiencing the same case.

“can you see if this fits you?”

you stand before him with a stack of neatly folded clothes, unraveling a pair of gray sweatpants to hold up infront of him.

“i think… there’s a string? oh, there’s none.”

he chuckles. “you forgot?”

“well, it’s not mine. my ex never came back for his clothes.“ you huff with a roll of your eyes, muttering a silent his loss into the air. “i’ve washed it though! don’t worry! it’s just- you know- sleeping in denim pants is uncomfortable.”

does that mean you still wear the clothes of your exes? this pisses him off for some unknown reason. he would much rather sleep uncomfortably than wear their clothes.

you kindly smile, pushing the black knitted sweater against his chest. “but this is mine. it’s really warm and comfortable!”

but on another note, you’re too sweet and thoughtful. how could he ever say no?

—

the sweatpants is a little loose around his waist. your sweater, however, feels incredibly soft against his skin. as he walks back into the living room, he pulls down his sweater paws and runs his hands across its sleeves. if he had to describe the feeling it evokes, he would say it is very much similar to rolling around on freshly washed and dried bedsheets.

“it’s nice, right?”

he whips his head around upon hearing the sound of your voice. for a quick second, you caress his arm with the back of your hand, and even with the barrier separating your skin from his, the casual touch causes his breath to hitch.

“i finished cleaning the room. i set up a comforter on the floor so you can take the bed.”

“is that so? thank you!”

he zooms past you. you’re left standing alone, blinking in confusion. he is more than happy to welcome himself into your bedroom… so he can slyly steal the bed you prepared for yourself. he slides under the covers, makes himself all cozy with his hands resting on the back of his head as if it’s not a raging winter and he’s lying under the summer sun.

“and what do we have here?”

jungkook cracks one eye open. there you are leaning against the doorframe with your arms crossed. you raise your eyebrows at him, demanding an answer.

“what?” he smiles childishly. “you’re the one doing me a favor. i’m not going to let you sleep on the floor.”

“how polite. suit yourself, sir.” you shake your head in amusement, smiling.

you enter the room, flicking the lightswitch off and locking the door at the speed of light. without thinking, probably; muscle memory formed by your routine. he is the only thing not a part of it. yet.

“goodnight, jungkook.”

“goodnight.”

he still sees you moving around in the dark. you crouch down beside him and he feels the extra pillow he’s partially crushing under his weight be jerked away all of a sudden.

“i need this one. sorry.” you whisper-shout apologetically. “goodnight! sweet dreams!”

—

jungkook sighs, tired of mindlessly scrolling through social media. his eyes flutter shut as he allows his phone to collapse on his chest. he is yet to even figure out if going to work later would be possible because of the blocked roads. he has gotten enough earful about not heading straight to the dorm and he cannot risk any more. because then, he would have to see less of you.

he sneakily opens his eyes, craning his head to the side to steal a glance of you, but he finds that you’ve already fallen asleep on your textbook and he’s unable to look away again. bathed in the warm light of the lampshade on your bedside, he has never seen you more peaceful. he learns with hard evidence that you’re a side sleeper, curled up underneath the blanket and cutely snuggled against the pillow you took from him.

he doesn’t know how long he’s been admiring you, but he knows he doesn’t want you to think of him as a creep. you stir in your sleep and his hand swiftly flies to his phone. pretending to be absorbed in reading the first tweet he comes across, he tries taking another subtle glimpse of you.

it’s as if he’s been caught and punished.

he flinches.

your textbook collides with the floor, landing only inches next to his pillow. he begins sweating. he could’ve easily gotten a concussion at best, death at worst.

he sits up with his elbows anchoring him, poking around to investigate the cause of the fall. admittedly, he’s a little sad to see your back now facing him.

“shit, what am i doing?” he roughly rubs his face to knock some sense back into him.

he needs to get some sleep. yeah, that’s it. nothing more.

he picks up your textbook, taking it upon himself to bring it over to your desk. on his way back, he also decides to to turn off the lampshade.

his finger freezes on the button, however. he sinks his teeth into his bottom lip to silence the giggle that threatens to escape him— so fucking endeared to discover that you’ve kicked off your blanket and rolled over to your other side along with the pillow, your thigh carelessly slumped over it.

he tucks himself back into bed, heart feeling all warm and fuzzy.

“so, so adorable.”

the words escape him without thought; the smile on his face ever-present even as he drifts off to dreamland.

—

II. ALLOW ME TO LINGER BY THE DOOR

“hey, it’s getting late. shouldn’t you be heading home by now?”

you sit beside jungkook on the sofa after a phone call, and his round eyes grow twice their size when you steal the iced tea from his grasp, nonchalant as your lips wrap around the same red straw his have been only seconds ago.

he awkwardly clears his throat, perhaps to mask his loud heartbeat. “is your friend okay?”

“oh, she’ll be fine. it’s her fault so i can’t do much for her this time.” you shrug, picking up your chopsticks as you eye the last dumpling in the bowl. “still hate that guy, though.”

“the one you think is lying about being rich?”

“i don’t know much about real ones, but i’m pretty sure i’ve seen enough fake diamonds!”

that seems to hits the right spot to elevate your mood. you hum happily as you chew, collapsing on the cushions and looking straight ahead at the television screen.

“sorry about that. you must be bored and tired by now.”

“about that…” jungkook swallows his nervousness. he rests his arm on top of the sofa, just to act cool. he’s so close to you yet still so distant. “i’m dead tired from filming today. i’ve been up since four in the morning. would it be too much trouble if i spend the night again?”

“i should be the one asking you that. why do you like this trashy place way more than i do?” you shake your head, wiping your mouth with a paper napkin. “i’ll go fix up so you can rest then. you’re lucky minji didn’t claim the bed first.”

fuck, he was supposed to get kicked out?

“wait! do you need a change of clothes?”

“there’s no need!” he replies a little too quickly. if he has to wear the clothes of another one of your exes, he might end up on the news for setting himself on fire. “i have extras in my backpack i didn’t got to wear today.”

“oh, okay.” you flash him a smile before disappearing into the bedroom.

yeah, how convenient.

he exhales through his mouth.

when did he start lying? his mother would be very disappointed in him. but on the other hand, his father would explode in boisterous laughter and pat him on the back. nevermind… that just makes it worse.

“guess i’m going to hell!” he shrugs, wearing a smile that is rather too jubilant.

he grabs his backpack on the floor and heads to the bathroom; your home is another home away from home.

—

jungkook is exhausted from dance practice. he must’ve exerted himself too hard again without realizing it. for the third time this week, he’s attaching pain relief patches to his neck and shoulders, shirt pulled to the side as to expose the area. normally, he’d just take it off without care, but he’s in a different setting. while he’s pretty confident with the current condition of his body, it would be rude to strip out of nowhere. and you make him nervous. would he fluster you or would you fluster him? he’s not prepared to find out yet.

“are you okay?”

his movements from below capture your attention amidst catching up to the events in your group chats.

“i’m okay, just a little sore. don’t worry!” he waves off your concern with a scrunch of his nose. “i also fell asleep in the car earlier so…”

“i can give you a massage. if you want.”

“no, it’s fine.” even though the offer sounds extremely tempting, especially coming from you. “i know you’re tired too.”

“hm, your loss. i’m kind of an expert at it.”

he squints his eyes at you. “really?”

“you don’t believe me?”

you sit up on the bed with an offended gasp, and he laughs at how you quite literally rose up to the challenge.

“we do have actual experts come in and take care of us too, you know that?”

“excuse you, i’m an actual expert! i have more than a decade of experience!”

he isn’t surprised to witness you climb down immediately afterwards, sitting behind him with your hands already on his shoulders.

“hmm, my dad worked at construction sites. my mom had a desk job. this- this was my job.” your fingers begin pressing down as if you’re assessing him, touching the bare skin of his still exposed shoulder. “got paid with extra allowance. making money was easy back then.”

“you’re so adorab- ah, ah, ah-” his sentence is cut short by his own self when you apply pressure on a big knot, gently massaging it in small circles to loosen the tightly wound muscle fibers. “fuck, it hurts… yeah, that’s good. don’t stop.”

he hears you snort, feels your forehead collapse on his back as vibrant giggles rack your body. a blush of red creeps up to his cheeks and he’s thankful that you can’t see his face.

he laughs along, belly aching. “okay, okay- i heard it! i should keep my mouth shut!”

“no no no, i won’t laugh anymore!”

“you’re still doing it right now!”

“i’ll stop!” you sniffle, laughed to the point of tears. you squeeze his shoulders. “just relax! you’re so tense here, see? no wonder it hurts.”

there’s no denying that his body is pushed to its limits everyday; he has grown accustomed of this kind of lifestyle and he doesn’t complain. you’re making him want to do it all the time, though. if it means getting pampered like this? hell yeah.

“it hurts here too. over- over here-” he reaches a hand to his back, patting the area that has been bothering him all day. “this part. will you make it go away, please?”

“here? your shoulder blade?”

“yes!”

“okay. tell me if i should go gentler or harder. i don’t want to hurt you.”

it’s his turn to snort. he shortly learns that was not a smart move.

“ah, ah, ah-” you pull at his ear and this time he moans in pain. “oh, come on! you gave that one away!”

“shut up! you’re not allowed to laugh too!”

—

he tries not to create more embarrassing sounds. at some point he begun to busy himself with his phone, but to no avail, there are occasional moans and grunts he can’t bite down because you weren’t lying about being a pretty damn good masseur. and then he does it on purpose once, just to hear you laugh again, because his being already feels a million times lighter and you show no signs of exhaustion or boredom.

“you have a mole here,” you casually observe. he feels a light touch on the side of his neck and the butterflies in his stomach become untamed. “it’s sexy.”

he blushes, caught off guard by the compliment. “thank you.”

“you’re welcome.” you hum.

the minutes pass by and he is no longer faking silence, however. all he can think about now is how he wishes that he was lying down for this. how long has it been? you’ve been definitely at it for almost an hour. he yawns, eyelids fighting to stay open but failing miserably.

“hey, wipe your drool.”

he blinks. your beautiful face greets him— for a second, he’s convinced that he has begun dreaming. with a mischievous grin, you lift the collar of his shirt to wipe the corners of his lips, and in a state of near delirium, he cackles.

“seriously, thank you… i-i don’t even know what to say. i really needed that.” he sighs, carelessly rubbing his heavy eyes. “i’ll treat you to dinner tomorrow. how about that?”

“sounds good. now go to sleep.” you pat his back before rising on your feet. “your head kept on dropping and i felt bad.”

“that happens a lot.”

“well, it’s bad for your neck. keep doing it and i’ll get more free dinners.”

the unmistakable sound of a kiss that follows, it suspiciously matches with the warmth that lingers on his cheek.

“goodnight!”

“goodnight…” he only manages to mumble.

his mind has gone off to space. you tuck yourself into your bed after turning off the lampshade while jungkook feels like he just got blasted to the moon. he needs to get out of here. STAT.

“i’ll go drink some water. do you want me to get you a glass?”

“no, i’m fine.”

he makes out your figure shuffling in the dark, snuggled closely to a pillow.

he nods, which you probably didn’t even see. he steps out of the room as quietly as possible, slowly closing the door as to produce the smallest click. he pads to the kitchen still feeling light, almost like he’s walking on a path made out of clouds. he pours himself a glass of cold water from the fridge, chugs it down to the very last drop.

he licks his lips as he sets down the glass on the counter. he sighs deeply. he can still feel the outline of your lips, sticky lip balm printed on his skin. is it normal that he couldn’t be bothered to wipe it off?

“totally worth going to hell for.” he muses, unaware of the smirk that has started playing on his lips.

he briskly washes the glass at the sink, wiping it dry with a towel before deposting it back into the rack.

as expected, you’ve already fallen asleep by the time that he returns. the light from the hallway casts a glow over your face and it’s a sight that is painfully intimate in its own peculiar way.

he can’t put a name to it, but whatever this feeling is, he likes it and he wants it to last.

and so, he lingers by the door for a few seconds more.

—

III. THE YEARNING

jungkook hisses your name with yet another curse, heart so close to jumping out of his chest. when you were on the phone incoherently begging him to take you home from the club, he expected to carry out a passed out person from his car to their apartment floor, which he found no problem with aside from the possibility of having to deal with them throwing up.

instead, he is struck by an unusual combination of amusement and distress. he has been running around trying to capture you as you spend your final bursts of energy ringing strangers’ doorbells. your exhilarated laughter echoes throughout the hallways. he must confess that he was laughing along with you the first time… until it started to get a little bit out of hand.

if someone recognizes him by chance, he would be beyond fucked.

“don’t- don't do it! stop it! please!” he finally manages to seize your wrist before it can reach another, forced to wrap his arms around your torso so you won’t escape from him again. “are you crazy? it’s 3am! people are sleeping!”

“that’s the point.” you mewl, looking back to him with a childish pout underneath the hood of your coat. “why are they sleeping? it’s when the ghosts come out. does no one ever think about ghosts’ feelings? because i do! if i were a ghost, i’d be lonely and crying right now!”

oh my god, what is happening?

“so let’s invite them and everyone for more drinks!” you jump up and down, his secure hold doesn’t hold a candle to your hypernese. “jungkook, i want to drink more! more more more! buy me!”

unfortunately, he doesn’t have the time to dwell on your cuteness. he hears a door click from behind and his instincts instantaneously kick in. oh shit, you actually fucking woke someone up. he sweeps you off your feet, clasping a hand over your mouth to mute your angry protests. he turns at a corner, trapping you against the wall.

a deep and manly voice fills the silence. “hello? who’s there?”

two pairs of eyes widen, staring at each other as if they can read minds through them. he notices the unsteady rise and fall of your chest; your heart must be beating as fast as his. he has to pull down his black mask to be able to breathe.

“you’re going to be the death of me.” he grumbles with a pointed look.

when you smile, he perceives it first through the palm of his hand before it reaches your eyes. only then does he fully register the dangerously close proximity between you.

dangerous because he wants to kiss you.

dangerous because you’d dare him to do it and his self-control has been reduced to a million cracks.

“ah, this prank again! fucking teenagers!”

and the door slams shut. you both flinch.

“that guy has a fridge full of beer!”

you are vexed, voice muffled but still clearly loud. you harshly paw at his forearm to remove his hand, and your pout finally comes into view.

“no, you’ve had enough! seriously, what am i going to do with you? huh? you shouldn’t even be drinking at all.” he blows a loud breath, frustratedly running his fingers through his hair. “how did you even get in the club? fake id? you have it, don’t you?”

you rush to defend yourself. “i’m only younger by a year and i don’t look like it! as if they actually care in those places. they only want money.”

he begins to question if the bloodshot of your eyes is solely because of the alcohol or you’re also on the verge of tears.

“why? are you mad at me?”

“no, i’m not mad. should i be?”

“…i don’t know. why do you even care about things like that? you’re not my boyfriend or my parent so i don’t need to explain myself to you.” you angrily ramble, wriggling out of the tight spot he had you trapped in.

and that felt like a fucking dagger to the heart.

“you know what? i-i can do this. i can take care of myself, so go home.”

“____, don’t be like this, please. you’re drunk.”

“i’m not drunk, just tipsy! you can go home!”

he runs after you, but you shrug him off and continue walking away, perhaps a little too fast. he curses himself when he catches up to you seconds too late, witnessing you fall over to the floor with a thump and a whimper.

“are you okay?! where does it hurt?!”

you shake your head profusely, but your hands gripping your ankle gives away the answers. he doesn’t press you further. without another word, he hooks an arm under your knees and the other under your back, swooping you from the floor. he stands up straight, adjusts your position slightly, and walks the path you attempted to travel alone in your intoxicated state.

perhaps he is mad. he went and abandoned his rest time when you said that you needed him, only for you to rudely send him home. he has the right to be mad, even just a little bit, despite the fact that he isn’t your boyfriend, right?

not that it matters.

you cling to his neck and it all melts away.

he glances down at you. a soft smile has replaced your frown. “oh, so now you’re happy again?”

“yes,” you tilt your head. “feels like i’m floating.”

“where’s your key?”

“huh?”

“your key-”

“oh!”

you dig out the item from the pocket of your coat. you proudly dangle it infront of his face along with the colorful keychains attached to it; the bear was gifted by yours truly from japan. he totally forgot that it existed. the last time he saw it was when he tossed it in the paper bag he gave you.

he’s not even your boyfriend. the two of you know that doesn’t make sense anymore.

—

after he sets you down on the sofa, he kneels on the floor to remove the heels from your aching feet. he gets the hang of it after unfastening the second strap. while he’s preoccupied, you strip off your coat to combat the increased temperature of your body.

“i need to pee.” you urgently kick off the heels as you rise on your feet.

jungkook looks up and forgets how to breathe. you are irresistibly gorgeous; the cherry red mid-thigh dress you’ve been hiding from him hugs your body so perfectly. he’s ensnared and thoroughly convinced that you’re aware of your power to leave men and women alike sweating and tongue-tied.

goddammit, he is mad. you were at the club looking like this among flashing lights and grinding bodies and he is not your boyfriend.

“doesn’t your ankle hurt?”

“doesn’t matter. i need to pee.”

he clicks his tongue as you limp your way towards the bathroom.

“you’re so hardheaded.”

he lifts up your arm to bring it over his shoulders; he holds your waist to assist you.

“and your heart is so soft.” you giggle, and his world stops when you hold his face… peppering his cheek with an amount of kisses he doesn’t have half the mind to count.

you said you’re not drunk, just tipsy. does that mean you genuinely like him this much and you’ll remember it when you wake up?

dear god, he hopes so.

—

jungkook is supposed to wake up in four hours. however, he’s still wide awake sitting by your pillow, mind completely blank on what he’s supposed to do now that you’re safe and sound. he can’t bring himself to leave just yet. you bump against his knee as you shuffle and squirm, eyes closed but yet to land in the confines of slumber. he can hear your rugged and frustrated breathing, can’t help but to hopelessly adore how pretty you are even with knitted eyebrows and tousled hair.

he likes you so much. he knows it hasn’t been that long since you met but the thought of losing the chance of winning you over makes him want to cry and throw a tantrum. you’re running in his mind day and night. you have permeated all his senses. you charm him with your unapologetic existence and you effortlessly captivate his ungiven affections.

when it comes to love, his passion becomes a weakness.

a whine emits from your parted lips as if you sense that something is wrong. your hands pat around the mattress— searching and searching, until they stumble upon him. you push yourself up, head landing on the pillow, and your arms, they hug him close by his waist. only then do you finally come to a still, chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

you are at peace and he is experiencing an emotional turmoil— falling in love. this is simply not fair.

the lines are becoming so blurry. he is losing control of his hands, hyperaware of what he is capable with his possession of them. he strokes your head gently, hair brushing across his palm— this is soothing to him as much as it is you.

this feels right, he thinks. he wants time to stretch from this galaxy to another.

he feels a weak tug at his sweater.

“i’m cold now,” your complaint comes out mumbled against the thick fabric.

next thing he knows you’re pulling him down by his collar, leaving him with no choice but to lie down beside you as to not crush you under his weight. where the hell did you gather the strength to do that?!

he hisses in panic. “yah! what are you doing?”

“i’m cold,” you repeat.

“____, we’re lying down on the blanket. if you can just scoot over for a seco- i’ll take it out. move-”

his attempts on communicating to you only fall on deaf ears. he zips his mouth to admit defeat.

you cling to him for warmth, and jungkook finds himself giving more than that. he volunteers his arm to be your pillow, softly cupping the back of your head as you nuzzle your face on his chest; his other arm wraps around your torso to keep you close. it is quite a tight fit on a single bed— he figures out a lame excuse for later.

now he can say for certain that you’re hearing his heartbeat, but he doesn’t seem to care anymore. he also doesn’t mind the scent of alcohol because it’s tragically losing the battle against your sweet perfume. it renders him enchanted. and the dress… that hypnotizing dress. he squeezes his eyes shut, trying to banish the sinful thoughts flooding his imagination.

he didn’t peg you to be the physically affectionate type, but seeing that you can’t sleep without hugging something, someone— he wants to be just the thing that you cherish as your safe haven. he wants this memory to be cute… and romantic. but too much heavy on the romance, you affect his body and heart in ways no one can.

he tries to will his growing erection to ebb away. it’s not an appropriate situation. he likes and respects you too much.

“my makeup…”

you said it so quietly, he almost believed he was making it up in his head.

“what was that?”

“will you- please, will you help me take off my makeup? it’s bothering me.” you make one final request at the depths of drowsiness, speech slurred and stuttered. “the wipes… the drawer behind you.”

he should’ve thought of that. he’s learning. next time, he will.

he settles into his previous position after grabbing the wipes.

“how do i help? is it okay if i d-”

he interrupts his question when he realizes that you’ve finally fallen asleep.

his sigh momentarily fills the defeaning silence of the night. the exhaustion has also begun to take a toll on him. he’s going to have to catch up on sleep during car rides and set breaks. he’s already dreading it as he’s planning around their hectic schedule.

as he wipes off your makeup as carefully as possible, he mutters into the thin air. “you owe me a massage for this.”

—

IV. HAPPINESS OUTSIDE DAYDREAMS

“you’re my boyfriend now and you don’t sleep on the floor anymore. how cute is that?” you happily think out loud, swinging your feet dangling at the edge of the bed. “but if you want to go back to our old ways… my bed is small even for me.”

“no way. are you kidding?!” he jokingly protests in an angry manner. “your bed is perfect.”

jungkook is on cloud nine. it sure does feel good to hear you sound so happy calling him your boyfriend, even more so to reap its special privileges.

“i keep forgetting to ask. which side do you prefer?”

you’re sat facing the door. “i don’t know, but i’m used to sleeping here.”

“alright. i’ll stay here.” he climbs under the covers, spreading his arms once his back hits the mattress. the smirk on his face widens. “come here, baby.”

a grunt slips past his lips when you jump into his arms without warning, eventually falling over to the side when he moves to envelope you in his embrace.

“you’re so warm.” you purr in contentment as you bury your face against his chest. “i love cuddling so much.”

“i’ve noticed,” he replies. he softly squeezes your exposed thigh after you slump your leg over his hip to maximize your comfort. “your pillow must be softer than me though.”

“no, i like you more… cuddling is proven to have health benefits, you know?”

he quirks an eyebrow. “oh really? give me examples.”

“it releases happy chemicals in the brain… it apparently also helps to lower blood pressure and heart rate, and it-” you fail to stifle a sleepy yawn, hands grasping the cloth of his shirt and forming closed fists. “…improves one’s quality of sleep.”

“i can see it’s working well for you.” he chuckles.

“is it for you?”

“mhmm, yes,” he presses his lips to your forehead. “i’m happy. there’s only happy chemicals in my brain right now.”

jungkook means it wholeheartedly and it feels strange. he doesn’t feel happy in this moment alone. this happiness is colossal and there’s not nearly enough hours in a day to take it all in. this happiness will still be here when he wakes up tomorrow, and the day after that. this happiness stays with him even when you’re not physically present. you’ve turned him into an optimistic fool but it’s not always that he experiences an attraction this strong.

he’s smitten and he can’t hide it. the people who are around him everyday sees it on his face; he doesn’t even need to say it out loud. all that corny shenanigans about romance giving you a certain type of glow is apparently true, it turns out.

“kissing is said to have the same effects, actually.”

your coyness captivates him from his thoughts.

he draws back slightly, the glint of mischief in his eyes mirroring yours. “where do you learn these things?”

“through reading and experience.” you shrug innocently. “want to test that out too?”

you’re everywhere. he can taste your lips, your tongue; your body wash floods his sense of smell with a sweet and clean scent, plus something else he can’t quite name. he can only it describe as you. your hair is tangled in his fingers and your hands… so delicate and teasing with every touch, it feels like being electrified. it still feels incredibly chilly outside but heat is radiating off his skin. he needs to peel himself off you before he loses his last shred of self-control.

“baby…” he whispers, lips only a couple inches from yours. he takes your hand in a tender hold, placing it over his racing heartbeat. “i’m not sure about this one being good for my health.”

“but it is. you just burnt some calories.” you smile, wiping the sweat that has started to form on his forehead. “should we stop?”

he feels his cheeks become more flushed, but his craving for you has overtaken his shyness. he might as well be drunk; intoxicated by you.

“no.” he refuses, conflicted and almost pained. “i can’t…”

he gets rid of the distance between your lips once more, swallowing the first obscene moan he brings out of you.

—

V. THE SPRING FLOWER IN THE EYE OF THE STORM

although you know they held affection for you, the boys you’ve attracted in your life have made one thing clear: they see you as an object of desire, and you unintentionally play the part well. if you were going to make their wet dreams come true, then you ought to derive pleasure from it as well without shame.

but with jungkook, the tables have turned. you wore the same lipstick from last time to rile him up on purpose, but instead you’re the one stuck trying to recall a time you were this putty in somebody’s hands. you’re not in control— you expect this thought would make you spiral, but it doesn’t.

you stumble inside your apartment making out with your boyfriend and you have an orange azalea tucked behind your ear. his hand is in your mess of a hair and it protects your head from the impact of the wall as your back collides with it. you don’t know if it was on purpose or not but your heart flutters nonetheless. this is sickeningly romantic and you want to drown yourself in it.

“oh, feels good.” his mouth on your neck is addictive, you imagine it would be heavenly on more vulnerable parts of you. your nails harshly dig into his shoulder as he takes his time with every lick, every nip of his teeth— eager to learn more about your body and what makes it weak at the knees.

you tug at his hair with a whisper. “jungkook…”

“mhm? yes, baby?”

you thought you’ve seen and felt enough. you know about lust, but never felt a chemistry this electrifying. there’s an emotion screaming beneath the daze in jungkook’s eyes; it’s always been there, but not this loud. you think if you trust your gut and open yourself up… you might just come to gain an understanding of it.

you bite your bottom lip, behind it a shadow of a smile. “bedroom.”

his restless hands slide down to hook around your thighs, and not long after, your legs are wrapped around his waist as he navigates your apartment blinded by the mutual refusal of your lips to disconnect. you giggle every time he bumps into something and groans. with his fear of accidentally letting you fall felt through his tight grip, you’re the one who kicks the bedroom shut. the sound couldn’t have been louder than the pounding of your heart reaching your own ears.

jungkook is gentle as he lays you down on the bed, but your lack of inhibitions reign over you. you begin unbuttoning his shirt, unconsciously grinding your heat against his thigh as you do so. it catches him by surprise, but then his strong hands find purchase on your waist, and you know he wants this as much as you do.

the kiss is broken up by a moan when his grip falls to your hips, guiding your wild movements in chasing pleasure with a tenderness and sensuality that transforms you into a feverish mess. another gush of arousal ruins your underwear worse. you kiss him again and eventually you lose count of the buttons— patience runs thin and with adrenaline rushing through your veins, you tear his shirt apart.

he hisses. “baby, shit- what did y-”

“shhh,” you place an index finger over his lips.

he chuckles raspily, shaking his head in disbelief. your giggles join him, equally amused with yourself.

it’s still for a few seconds, but you can hear each other breathe in the dark. you’ve seen him naked but his silhouette alone stirs the fuel spreading throughout your body. he’s perfect. your lips reclaim the place of your finger. your hands caress every inch of his skin, every curve of his flesh they can reach. he doesn’t make an effort to hold his noises and it turns you on more, if that is even possible at this point. his muscles continue to tense under your touches, even worse when you find his nipples to tease and play with. he’s perfect.

“it’s my turn.” he tries to say in the middle of the kiss, but you don’t hear a thing until he’s pulling away breathless and you’re whining in disappointment. “let me return the flavor please? i’ve been going crazy thinking about it. fuck, please.”

you sit up on the bed, pushing his naked chest challengingly. “what? you want to eat me out?“

he swallows, wide scandalized eyes failing to escape your keen observation. “i do.”

you watch him watch you strip off your sweater, “really…?” and then unclasp your bra, allowing its straps to provocatively slide down your shoulders.

“ye-yes, really.”

“then what’s stopping you?”

he whines out your name, interrupting himself with his craving for another kiss as he slips off your bra completely. it gets lost on the floor along with your sweater and you smirk deviously against his lips. “you’re testing me like this, huh? you’re so mean.”

you lie on your bed but you feel like you’re on top of the world. jungkook scatters kisses from your neck down to your chest, occasionally licking and biting as if he can’t help but to taste you. he uncovers another ticklish spot along your ribcage, but you bite your lip to control your giggles. instead, you touch his face to subtly guide him away from it.

he nuzzles his cheek against your palm, eyelids fluttering close as he presses a soft kiss to your wrist.

“may i?”

the shape of his lips lingers there. no one has ever kissed your wrist, nor have you ever imagined the first time to take place in bed.

your thumb strokes his cheek tenderly. the silence that follows there after concerns jungkook. he calls out your name, snapping you out of deep thought.

“may i?” he repeats himself.

he is patiently suspended over the waistband of your skirt. ever the gentleman, you half-smile.

“will you fuck me good after?”

the hand on his face sneaks down to pull up the skirt over your stomach; an even tinier piece of fabric covers the most intimate part of your body.

“whatever you want, baby, i will do it.” he promises.

you can hear the smirk in his voice, but you’re unable to form another response as his tongue laves over the lace, the warmth and wetness saturating through and stimulating your clit— once, slowly, and then over and over again.

you gasp, jolting and squirming in pleasure. he only makes it worse when he hums and you feel the vibration against you. you whine and he squeezes the soft flesh of your inner thighs in an attempt soothe you, keep you still, nuzzling his cheek as he meets your heated gaze.

“relax… is my baby always this sensitive?” he places a chaste kiss over your clit, causing your breath to hitch. “‘cause i’ve barely started.”

“jungkook,” you impatiently whine. “why’d you stop? just do it, please- need you.”

you’d wipe off that stupid smirk on his face if only you weren’t so pent up and you didn’t need his tongue.

“wow… didn’t think you’re the type to beg.” he muses, more so talking to himself. “i like it.”

hell no, you’re not.

but finally, he dives in, greedily pulling aside the flimsy material for a real taste of you. instead of a sharp remark, erotic sounds between a moan and a sob emit from your lips. your toes curl at the surge of mind-numbing ecstasy overwhelming your body. your hands fisting the sheets fly to his hair, frantically tugging like you can’t take it, but you beg and beg and beg him for more.

—

the last time you had sex was more than four months ago. you realized that you liked jungkook, and you simply didn’t want to do it with anybody else. sexual frustration combined with the romantic pining for a man that could potentially ruin your life; your youth has been nothing short of eventful.

has sex always been this good? you can’t remember. you’re drunk on pleasure even in the aftermath; you’re not sure if you’re really here or floating someplace else. as you catch your breath, jungkook soothes your body with gentle kisses and strokes of your skin, whispering sweet nothings. mostly babbling about how beautiful you are. and you feel it— feel beautiful, you mean.

you gradually open your eyes, vision adjusting to the divine view infront of you. jungkook is golden, skin still glistening with sweat under the warm glow of the lampshade. your heart skips a beat when he smiles at you.

“are you good? do you need anything? water?”

“again.”

his eyes widens. “again?“

“round two.” you giggle.

you push yourself up to reach his lips, but the kiss ends too soon for your liking.

“jungkook-” you complain.

“wait!”

you stare in bewilderment as he bends down from the edge of bed, appearing to be reaching for one of the objects discarded on the floor.

“what is it?”

“i found it!”

it’s the flower.

beaming with a hue of pure excitement, he tucks the azalea behind your ear for the second time tonight. pretty, he says it so quietly that you only understand through the movement of his lips.

he looks bewitched by you. in a different setting you’d be smug about it, but at this moment, you don’t understand. you can’t read what’s on his mind. if only you could see yourself through his eyes, even for just a moment, then maybe you’d understand why he’s dancing with fire and folding with his tower of cards.

it would be too silly and embarrassing to start crying now, right?

you swallow the lump in your throat, glassy eyes overshadowed by your boyfriend leaning in to plant a kiss on your forehead. as if that isn’t enough to entirely melt your heart, he intertwines his fingers with yours. your walls come crumbling down. in a haste to forbid your emotions from breaking free, you reach for him and slip your tongue in his mouth for a fervent kiss.

the burning tears that drip down to your temples are lost evidence you will bring to the grave.

—

“you’re not supposed to be awake.” jungkook complains as soon as he opens the door.

you only spare him a glance before returning to your task. instead of being under the sheets, you’re sat on the floor with his button-up shirt from last night laid across your lap. only several steps closer and he realizes that you’re sewing.

he exhales through his mouth in surprise, setting aside the tray of food on the bed before joining you on the floor.

“baby, what are you doing?! it’s fine. you don’t need to fix it.”

“i know, but i want to.” you reply, smiling, eyes still swollen from sleep focused on the needle and thread. “i stepped on one of the buttons so i looked for the two other.”

he’s dumbfounded watching you sew with so much care and precision. oh my god, he is in love with you. he thinks it so loud he gets terrified that he might’ve ended up speaking it out loud too.

“at least eat first!”

“wow, where did you buy ingredients so early?”

“early?” he scratches his head. “it’s lunch time.”

“what?!” your eyes grow twice their size. “jungkook, i’m late for work! what didn’t you wake me up?!”

“you- you we- you were tired!” he stutters defending himself.

he awkwardly catches his shirt when you throw it aside in a rush to get to the bathroom.

“baby, what about your food?!” he yells.

“wait, i forgot my towel-” you pop out from the doorframe, beaming at him breathlessly. “oh, please pack the food in my lunchbox!”

—

VI. SPEAKING TRUTHFULLY, YOU’RE THE ONE FOR ME

“i missed you.”

you giggle. “you look drunk.”

you hold jungkook’s cheeks in the palm of your hands, and he revels in the comforting warmth radiating from them.

he closes his eyes with a toothy grin. “i’m exhausted.”

“then go to sleep!”

“i don’t want to!”

he opens one eye, peeking at you.

“i came here so you won’t have to tire yourself out more going to my place.” you pout. “why do you hate resting?”

“this is me resting,” he says as a matter of fact, leaning down to give your lips a peck. “you are my rest.”

while it may be true that his body is begging for sleep, his mind is willing him to stay awake for as long as he can. he likes that he has nothing to prove here; he can simply be. you’re softly tracing his skin, forming constellations from the moles on his face, and he knows they’re created out of pure wonder and love.

“this one’s so cute!” you gush. “nobody talks about it enough.”

you place an affectionate kiss on the mole at the bridge of his nose.

“maybe because nobody has noticed it but you.”

you roll your eyes. “as if i’m the only one who spends their free time looking at your face.”

“but you’re the one who can view me in the highest quality.” he brings his face a little closer to tease you; noses almost brushing. “no one else can have me this close.”

“that’s right. or else you will never have me this close again.”

you squint your eyes at him as a threat; a frown making a permanent residence on your lips. fuck, when is he not thinking about kissing you?

“aigoo, look at you sulking!” he exclaims with a laugh.

“i’m not!”

“okay, whatever you say.” he replies in a sing-song voice.

it’s silent for a few beats as he engulfs you in his embrace. he feels like he’s being recharged, and with that comes along the overdue acknowledgement of his exhaustion. he meant it when he said that you are his rest.

“you know, i can’t help but to wonder sometimes.”

there is an undertone of hesitance in the way you spoke which is not typical of you. this prompts him to draw back a little, just enough to get a good look of your face.

“wonder about?”

“i’m not trying to put myself down or anything like that, by the way. i’m not expecting you to say the right thing or whatever either. i’m just-”

you pause, teeth nervously biting your lip. his heart aches in an instant when you avoid his eyes.

“i’m just genuinely curious? and saying what’s on my mind.”

“what is it?” he juts out his bottom lip. “you’re scaring me.”

“it’s not a big deal!”

“go on then. i’m listening.”

“i mean, i know i’m a catch, and- and i have a lot to offer, and i’m special in my own way. but you have a lot of…” you blink, trying to find the right term. “options.”

the word alone causes distaste to morph in his facial expression.

“okay, okay, i know! ugh, i don’t know how else to say it. but you have these beautiful and amazing people throwing themselves at you and sometimes i’m flabbergasted that you actively reject them for me.”

“baby, what are you even saying-”

“i’m serious. there are girls i would’ve totally gone for!”

“but they’re not you!”

he tilts your chin, smiling when at last, he recaptures your wide-eyed gaze.

“it’s really as simple as that.”

“but when we weren’t official yet-”

“i liked you from the start, if i didn’t make that obvious enough.”

you scrunch your cute nose; a smile of pure giddiness starting to form on your face. “you did… i knew.”

“i can’t believe you’re thinking about things like that. i only have eyes for you, baby. do you remember the first fight we had, huh? remember how i got drunk and cried?”

he doesn’t particularly like to relive the trauma and consequences of receiving unsolicited… almost naked… photos of an acquaintance while he’s watching a silly youtube video on his phone with his significant other. anything can be fixed in a relationship if both parties exert the effort, but trust, it is almost impossible to rebuild.

she didn’t know he was, is, in a relationship. in general, no one outside his inner circle really expects him to be in a relationship, or at least be in one that is serious or long-term. because, well, where would he find the time and energy for that kind of stuff?

but keeping you as a secret was his way of protecting you, and if you were hurting because of that, you didn’t show it.

oh, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t mad.

you needed some time to clear your head, you said. ignored his texts and phone calls; shooed him away when he begged at your front door. that issue may already been resolved, but he’s still not done proving that he’s solely committed to you.

you’re one of the most important people in his life. he loves you and he tends to get worried that you will never know much.

you gasp, hitting his chest. “when did that happen?!”

“why are you shocked…?” he narrows his eyes. “you didn’t know?”

“how would i know?”

he scratches his head in confusion. he should probably stop talking at this point and not dig his own grave, but his honesty leads him on. “…didn’t taehyungie-hyung send you a video? or did i make that up in my head?”

he immediately regrets it when the sparkle of mischief appears in your eyes.

“he’s still awake, right?”

“actually, he sleeps early nowadays!”

you wiggle out of his embrace, playfully sticking out your tongue at him. “i’ll go get the copy from him right now.”

“it was so long ago. it’s probably deleted by now!”

“wouldn’t hurt to check.”

“baby, no! it’s embarrassing!” he attempts to pull you back, but his hands barely reach you. “let’s just go to sleep, hm? didn’t you come here to put me to sleep?”

“aw, my love…”

he melts when you gingerly stroke his hair too. he will never live it down if his friends witnessed you babying him and him loving it.

“just close your eyes.”

and with your hand obstructing his vision, he sees pitch black and floating spots and flecks.

“i’ll be back in a minute! mwah!”

but despite his sense of sight being taken away, he still feels you spring off the mattress. the weight of your feet against the floor resonates along with the shout of your name as he follows you out of his bedroom.

you squeal in panic when you realize that you’re being chased. “go back to bed!”

“i won’t unless you go back with me!”

this is one of the instances in which jungkook is grateful for his gifts of athletic prowess and long limbs.

with little to no effort, he overtakes you in the race towards taehyung’s bedroom. doe eyes akin to a deer caught in the headlights, he swings the door open.

taehyung’s eyes flicker up from his phone. he’s frankly not surprised about the intrusion, not after hearing the commotion outside.

“need anything?”

“all the videos you have of him drunk!”

“hyung, no! you can’t give it!”

—

VII. THE CHOICE TO STAY

“give it to me.”

the blanket that jungkook carried from the bedroom is snatched away from his hands. it becomes unfurled and thrown over to shield your shivering vessel from the cold. without a word, he crawls on the couch and under the blanket, hugging you from behind as you catch up on your ongoing tv shows.

relief… he’s been looking forward to this all day.

the tension in his muscles, from head to toe, begin to fade away, especially as you take his hand in yours so you can give it a chaste kiss. it’s quick, but long enough for him to feel the softness of your lips. his hug tightens. he remains silent as he inhales, and exhales, slow and calm. he’s not trying to fall asleep as much as trying to shut down his brain. they say the world has stopped but from his point of view, it has erupted into chaos and he has no other choice but to watch it fall apart and to attempt to rebuild it at the same time. god knows he is doing the best he can but it feels like his best will never not be lacking.

jungkook is scared, and he is more scared knowing that everyone else is too. but for the past two years, whether you’re whole or broken, whether he’s climbing or falling— it never made a difference. you’ve always stayed.

he finds comfort in knowing that he has this constant among the ominous unknown.

his little firefly; your light won’t go out even as the world lets out its final sigh.

“my love, why are you sad?”

you flipped to your other side when another commercial break rolled in; now you’re hovering over him, curious eyes studying every inch of his face.

“is my love hurt anywhere?” you coo. “where should i kiss?”

his body shakes with quiet laughter as you pepper his face with kisses, trailing down to his jaw until you reach the juncture between his neck and shoulder.

“or do you want a massage? here? know you had a looong day.”

“really? how’d you know?”

“yeah, ‘cause you haven’t showered. you’re all stinky.”

“oh, am i?” he playfully pinches your waist, which you react to with a drawn out whine. “and yet you’re still cuddling with me.”

“so? do you need my massage therapy services or not?!”

“no. i only need my lover, please.” he pleads with droopy eyelids, emphasizing his request by tangling his limbs with yours.

he can’t hide from you like he hides from himself. you’re much more gentler with his heart than he is; unconciously, he trusts you more with it.

“you have me. what’s wrong?”

your hands anchored on the sofa are swept away as he pulls you closer, your weight crashing down on him entirely. he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your natural scent and the lavender in your body wash.

“eh, it’s just work… everything that could go wrong is going wrong. we’re trying to figure things out, but what can we do really…? there’s nothing. i- this-this whole thing is just so fucking frustrating, baby. i’m sorry.”

“it’s not just work! it’s your reason for living. of course this is frustrating and painful for you. it’s understandable to feel that way.”

he can practically hear you pouting. he is proven right when you lift your head, leaning in to give him a kiss. he smiles against your lips. he loves you so much.

“so please don’t burn yourself out trying to be okay. you have me by your side who can help you carry your burdens.”

it was scary at the beginning, but now it only feels right. it is impossible not to love you with all of his heart and soul; you deserve nothing less and more than what he can give. when you hug him, he hugs you back tighter.

“you’re my reason to live too.”

“i shouldn’t be. what if i die before you?”

“yah, don’t says things like that!” he scolds you faster than he can think, eyebrows knitted together and frown a tad deeper. “you won’t. it won’t happen.”

“i will die eventually.” you grimace.

“please don’t say such things as ‘i want you to move on and meet someone else and fall in love again and remarry.’ i don’t want to hear it!” he rambles so fast that he doesn’t even understand himself, stumbling and lisping. “i will seriously cry!”

“oh, i don’t care for things like that.”

you make yourself more comfortable; your boyfriend as your own personal bed. sleeping on top of him has been a natural occurence these days, not that he minds. you’re so soft and warm. it’s like hugging a stuffed toy to sleep. still, he’s mindful of you falling off the couch again.

“do whatever you like.” your eyes meet as you bestow him with a smile. “i’ll be dead; i won’t even know what happens next.”

“you don’t care? huh…” he huffs over the hypothetical.

the mere consideration of it feels like cheating. he knows that it technically isn’t, but he can’t imagine spending the rest of his life with someone who isn’t you. nevertheless, if he was being honest and it was the other way around, he’d probably do tell you to leave your heart open. but the topic is not the other way around and jungkook’s heart is stubbornly bound to you.

“why am i getting upset?”

“i don’t care because i’m confident.” you say candidly. “you can fall in love with someone else, but no one will ever love you the way that i do.”

ah, and here comes a side of you that he knows and loves. he swears that cupid is in the room and his heart was just hit by another one of his arrows. it feels so good to be loved so fearlessly.

“i know, so why even bother?” he arrives at a conclusion to his defense, but there’s a much better solution. “please never ever leave me so i won’t have to deal with this dilemma.”

he catches you roll your eyes before he comes face-to-face with the back of your head. your cheek rests on top of his chest; he feels it above his beating heart.

“what then? are we supposed to die together?”

he hums in thought. “it’s not a totally bad idea. we live together, so wouldn’t that make sense too?”

“wow, very shakespearean of you.”

“oh, that’s right! see? isn’t this your type of thing? let’s do it!”

“oh my god, you’re so stupid.” you hide your face behind your hand, giggling in disbelief of the sharp turn this conversation took.

jungkook loves making you laugh. for a little while, he forgets everything else. the world outside may be terrifying but you have your own in your shared apartment. you’re his reason to live too. you ignite the life in his veins. you kiss him with an appetite for passion and love and he enters heaven on earth.

“thank you.” you mumble against his lips.

“thank you?”

“for loving me, for living with me…” your voice wavers and his heart drops to his stomach. he can hold back his tears, but never when he sees yours flowing. “even when you’re tired and having a hard time.”

“you make it sound like a chore, but the truth is loving you gives me the strength to work hard everyday. you do know that, right? baby?” he strokes your hair tenderly, hoping that you receive his sincerity. “i should be the one thanking you… i should say it more often. you didn’t give up on loving me even when it was hurting you.”

“it’s all in the past… you were hurting too.” you reply in a faint whisper. “i love you.”

cupid must owe him a tremendous favor to have granted him the purest form of love a human being could have.

he plants a kiss on your forehead, noticing the rise of your shoulders. an endearing thing they occasionally do when you’re happy, shy, or flattered. it’s one of the many things he learned about you since you started living under the same roof.

he’s been learning about himself too. he tried saving you from himself but this fact is now well-established— you are the sun; it only hurts him to push you away because you’re in everything. it’s the little things that will haunt him if lost. when pieced together, they declare that you love him and he loves you.

the words i’m going home have gained more meaning and he’s excited to say them at the end of each day. he talks about his day and you talk about yours. you find out he’s the reason your lotion ran out too fast again and you chase him around the apartment until he promises to buy you the biggest bottle. you play rock-paper-scissors to figure out who will wash the dishes or receive the food from the delivery guy. you watch too many cooking videos on his phone until one of you falls asleep. most of the time it’s you. tonight, it’s still you.

he must confess that up to this day, he admires you when you sleep. you are safe and sound, and he is mended in places he did not know existed.

it’s time to sleep, he also decides.

he cocoons you in the blanket, then provides another layer of warmth which is his body. once settled, he closes his eyes, sighing in contentment. “what’s the use of our giant bed if we keep on sleeping on the couch?”

—

(?). AN ETERNAL RECORD: MY TREASURE, MY LOVE (ARCHIVED)

[DEC 25 ‘17 02:12AM]

“is it rolling?”

“yes, it’s rolling.”

you excitedly look at the film camera from the thick pile of snow on the ground, moving your arms up and down and your legs from side to side. an attempt to create a snow angel.

your giggles and the crackles of the snow are heard through the speaker.

the lens zoom in on your face.

childlike joy in the form of an everlasting smile and snowflakes on your hair.

“am i doing it?!”

“you are!”

“really?”

“really!”

“is it pretty?”

your face comes out of the frame. for a second only the white snow is seen, and then the dark brown of your coat as you skip towards the camera.

“let me watch!”

the camera shakes before it pans to the ground.

rustling of clothes and a shy, panicked voice.

“hold on- i-i’ll just fix the…”

“why?”

“huh, what do i do?” a forced laugh to mask nervousness. “i think it didn’t save-”

[prettyboykatsuki]

exception(al) | sunday hsr

𖤓 tags ; afab + gn!reader, established relationship, established d/s dynamic (implied to be 24/7), extremely submissive!reader, soft dom!sunday, shoe humping, oral (m!recieving), cock worship, deep throating, lots of praise / pet names, thumb sucking, cum swallowing 18+

𖤓 wc ; 2.2k

𖤓 a/n ; if you care abt me you won't say a word about this post. okay. alright. takes place in this universe, but not required reading.

𖤓 synopsis ; he'd give you anything you ask for. his one love. his only exception.

If Sunday could use one word to describe you, he would pick the plainest option: obedient.

You're other things. Loyal, desperate, beautiful, adoring. There are other words more well-fitted to your character and better words to describe the way you look through his lens. Ethereal. Charming. Provocative

But above all else, if Sunday had to sum up all of your parts he'd choose to put your obedience on the pedestal it deserves to stand on.

Obedience like yours can't be bought with fear, can't even be bought with manipulation. You have to get lucky to find someone so perfectly, unflinchingly obedient in the same way you are.

The leash Sunday keeps you on, intentionally tight, never appears that way on your throat.

That is to say: you bear the suffocation of Sunday's affection so well, a lesser person would be at risk for taking you for granted.

Not Sunday. Never him, of course. No one knows better how much you deserved to be cherished then him. That's how the cycle between you always goes. You live at his beck and call— his mercy. You're obedient with his whims and patient with his insecurities. Eventually, after some time passes, he'll praise and reward your efforts.

(The truth is, Sunday is always one difficult day away from spoiling you. Showering you in his affection after the thread-bare strands of his patience snap is his idea of letting go. There's few things more precious than how doe-eyed you get when he does.

But, a good owner knows to raise loyal pets - you must let them work towards rewards. He refrains for your sake. Always for your sake.)

Sunday always asks you what you want as a reward. Your requests are usually innocuous. Prey-like innocence in your eyes as you fiddle with the ends of his coat and ask for things like a date together or a bath or matching rings.

Sunday sometimes wants to tell you that's not the sort of thing you really need to beg him for. Sunday wants to tell you everything in his order is also yours.

He is yours, just like you're his. Mind, body, soul—devoured heart and all.

(Later, when Aeons abandon Sunday, he will find contentment in the fact you still belong to him. Even falling through Dreams or chained to hell. Still his. )

He doubts he ever will. He will continue along with rewarding you ask. Anything you want, you can earn.

It's rare you ask him for anything sexual so overtly. You do often beg to touch him and it's rare that Sunday lets you. He doesn't like to indulge too often, lest he lose the control that binds him so tightly.

Your latest request is half surprising. The desire to pleasure him being predictable and your bashful request to rub yourself against the toe of his dress shoes being the surprise.

He could tell at the time that it took all of your courage to ask. Clenched fists at the knees, gaze cast down instead of looking into his eyes, fidgety and uncertain.

It's an easy desire to fulfill and Sunday is, by all means, a loving master. If you want it, he'll will it by any means.

"Are you sure this is what you want, my heart?"

The affection bleeds into his voice as he cast his gaze at you. Bent down on your knees, naked from the neck down with the exception of a heather-blue collar with golden embellishments. You flicker your eyes up to him after he speaks to you, but don't talk.

"You may speak," He hums. He places a hand on your head, reaching down to pet your cheek and scratch under your chin. You preen under the silent doting. "It's your reward today, remember?"

"It's important to mind the rules no matter what."

He thinks about bending down and kissing you with a hand on your throat but keeps his composure. Instead, he pats your head and offers a smile. "That's right. Very clever, my dove."

You're elated just hearing it, staring at him. Pure need paints your expression, eyes wet as you squirm naked underneath him. He meets your look patiently, expectantly.

"Use your words."

"My reward," You swallow thickly. "Is it okay if I have?"

"Of course," He appeases your anxiety with a hand cupping your chin, thumb running your lower lip. "Do as you please."

You always wear your heart on your sleeve but it's times like this he finds it most impactful. Excitement radiates off of you in waves, shaky hands fumbling with his slacks. Your fingers are shaking as you unzip them slowly. Each step you take to get him undressed, you look up at him and wait for him to nod. Always obedient.

You get him partially undressed, each step slow - before you permit yourself to pull the rest of his clothes down. His cock springs free from fabric confines as you tuck the band underneath it. He hitches a breath trying not to lose his composure.

"You're hard," You observe in awe. He laughs breathlessly.

"Of course," He tells you staring down at where his cock cast shadow over your face. "It's you, after all."

The praise makes you wide-eyed. You mutter some kind of thank you that he smiles at gently. He can't help but be entertained by how you assess him. You've seen it before, a few times - yet you're awestruck. Every movement is tentative despite all of his encouragement. You mostly stare at it.

"It's alright. Take what you want." Sunday tells you, like it's some sort of gift. You treat it as such.

He feels his stomach tighten as soon as your hands fist the shaft of his cock. You frown a little. "It's really okay?"

"Yes," He hums, suddenly feeling aware of every nerve in his body. Spurred by his approval, Sunday merely watches you. He's fascinated, in his own right.

You're shaking with want by the time you move to do anything.

You stick your tongue out of your mouth tentatively, eyes transfixed on the tip so eagerly it makes his chest feel tight. Sunday is more familiar than most with desperation, but yours he knows like the back of his hand.

And Aeons, don't you look so desperate? The warm wet slide of your tongue is messy as you run it from base to tip, spitting gathered saliva on the tip with each go. It's clumsy, too desperate to count as a kitten lick and too practiced to count as virginal. It falls somewhere in between, like watching desire mix with your perfectionism.

He adjusts himself slightly. He tugs on the leash in your hand to pull your closer until you're wrapped around his leg, cock pressed against your cheek as he pushes you down by the shoulder. You squeak suddenly at the sensation, too enraptured with his cock to remember the other half of your request.

"I won't help you," He hums, teases - something he rarely does. You nod, not expecting it. You never are and it endears him.

There's parts of him that couldn't understand that this is what you wanted. You begged him for it but it felt unfathomable before now.

Your longing for his cock down your throat, in your mouth is so obvious it makes him waver. It's not something he gets used to. You slide your tongue all over his cock, drool giving your skin shine as you wet it over and over not even taking it in your mouth. Just spitting and licking like you're trying to remember every inch with your mouth and burn it into your memory.

Blissed out with your eyes nearly lidded shut, he can feel you rut your soft cunt over the point of his dress shoes over and over all the while.

It's interesting to affirm all the ways you feel pleasure. Sunday knows you let to put something in your mouth. He's fond of the habit - opts for cum soaked gloves or his own tongue to fulfill the urge for you.

This is an extension of your baser desire. Still, still - you do it with remarkable enthusiasm. It would almost feel torturous if you weren't so thorough. You remember points of pleasure on his cock. Along the veins, underneath the glans.

When the arousal starts to floor his system, you dip your tongue messily into the tip - precum staining your saliva with a pale white.

It moves you further along. You open your mouth up all the way, staring as you hollow your cheeks around the shaft of his cock with impressive ease. Fluttering your eyes shut, you hold onto his thigh and ease yourself as far down as you can go.

Your throat is wet and wanting for him. Over eager even with all the patience you try to demonstrate.

A thought passes by him as he watches you do it so expertly. The warm, slick cavern of your mouth accommodates him perfectly. No teeth, just throat and spit and drool. The corners of your lips flood with saliva as you take his cock in, breathing through your nose.

"Have you been practicing? To do this?"

You jolt, suddenly embarrassed. But you don't move to pull yourself off of his cock. Instead you stay for several moments, stretched throat - nose pressed into the thin hair above his cock and breathe him, humping his dress shoes like you're in heat. When you look up, he gets the confirmation he wants.

He's impossible endeared by you.

There's something strange in that it seems you relax after making it down. Heat stricken, swallowing his cock, chasing animalistic pleasure - truly content as your whole body begins breaking out in an aroused shudder. He can feel your chest against his leg, hardened nipples evidence of your arousal. Your wetness shines his shoe till it's reflective.

When you find you can no longer hold it and breathe, you pull back - a filthy slurping noise resulting. The tip sits on your tongue afterwards as you hum. It's lewd and filthy, not something he thought he'd be so interested in.

But it's you, after all.

Sunday admires you. How wrecked and lustful you look. How excited you are from something like this. An extension of your loyalty to him, down to bone.

He'd underestimated you, somehow. His mistake. When you pull off, before you go back down - he hooks his thumb into his cheek. His voice is thick with desire. The arousal is painful in his stomach as it ties in knots, cock twitching at the sight of your spit-soaked face.

"What do you want?"

You look at him confused before something seems to cross your mind. He encourages you. "Tell me,"

"Cum down my throat," You offer, debauched beyond his understanding. "Please."

Fuck. He takes in a breath.

"If it pleases you, dove," He says, then pets you affection as you go to deep throat him again. He decides to praise you. He can't think of anyone who would deny how sincerely you've earned it. "It feels good. You're thoughtful, hm? I'll return the favor ten fold after, like always."

You make a strangled noise as his cock hits the back of your throat again faster. You're sucking hard this time, quicker - your hand massaging his balls as you do. You hold his gaze the entire time even when you gasp for air, nose running. You're still perfect somehow, doe-eyed and innocent to him despite yourself.

"You're beautiful," He tells you and means it more than anything. Means it as you swallow and suck on his cock like it's everything you could ask for, means it as you hump against his shoes and stare up at him with crushing reverence.

Beautiful, perfect, the sweetest thing he's ever felt in his life. His most obedient possession. His from top to bottom, skin and bone and mind and body. Everything in Sundays possession - wholly his.

He pets your cheek as you move back and forth slowly, doing it properly. Bobbing your head back and forth, slow and smooth and deep with each motion until you feel comfortable enough to go rhythmically without gagging in excess.

You suck with such fervor he's inclined to believe you feel more pleasure than he does. Muffled whimpers and whines as you chase your own high. Sloppy at both ends.

Sunday lets himself slip. He moans - moans your name, soft and sweet and watches your whole body go alight at the reaction.

He can feel you cum before he can see it, the wet pulse of it and the sound of your high pitched whine.

It makes you cum, hearing Sunday express that. So he lets go, just for you, like always and watches tears fill the corner of your eyes like it's the happiest you could be.

Obedient thing you are, so tender - sweeter than all things in the world. Sweeter than a a dream. The thought makes his body lurch. His hips thrust this time and you let him with ease, shaking as Sunday lets himself fuck your throat a little harder.

"Gonna cum for you, sweet thing," He says, holding you close as he bottoms out again. He puts a hand on the back of your neck to hold you steady.

Sunday groans, shudders as an orgasm rips through him something irreparable. He cums hard, and you swallow all of it like it's easy despite how far he is down your throat.

He stays like that, catching his breath until he's ready to pull off. A long thick trail of saliva follows, drool dripping down against the hotel room floor as you leave your mouth open to show you swallowed it all.

Your expression morphs into fucked out pleasure, voice hoarse as you smile. "Thank you,"

You're his exception, Sunday thinks. If he's to deviate from structure, order, routine - it'd be only for you. He wipes the spit from your chin as he bends down to kiss your forehead.

"You made me feel good and did exceptionally well," He murmurs, soft and sweet. You melt under the touch, under the praise. "I love you,"

You smile happily. "Me too. I love you,"

"Now get up," He says, stroking your skin. "My turn, hm"

[kyoghurts]

So.... Just imagine!

Rayne being enamoured with a lullaby at night and searched for the source of the voice and saw an ethereal person that seemed to look like a moon fairy.....

This scenario speaks out so much heart throbbing moments like "ah.... So this is my first love..." Lmaoooo.... I. love. him.

moon fairy wait thats so cute ><

rayne ames being invested to rumors are scarce but does not equal to being completely indifferent to them. not when it pertains to an eerily beautiful voice trickling down the halls at night, that some have gave it a name already. rayne thinks it's stupid.

ah— no, more like he thought it was stupid.

because the moment he took the time to delve in this silly rumor that's been brewing on everyone's mouth. now, he thinks, it's stupid to describe them as eerily. it's literally the last thing that came to mind to define the voice, the word barely fits.

you, sitting in the corner as you look out from the wide, nearly up the ceiling wall window, the moonlight eases itself on the comfort of your skin, making you look so...otherworldly. you're glowing. and hell, your singing voice was on another level, crafted and shaped from another plane of existence, something so far and so beautiful he'll never be able to unhear it.

in fact, he doesn't want to unhear it. he stands there, rendered speechless. the unknown sensation of his beating heart wriggles its way to his consciousness, the faint but strong budamps each time you hit a high note with precise and encompassing quietness makes him so alarmed that he had to check his chest and- what the fuck? why does he feel all hyper aware and mushy inside?

for a while as he short-circuits, and its mid-way through the bridge of your song when you notice a silhouette poking through your vision, faint presence lurking from afar, you squint your eyes to guess if you're right. and it elicits a gasp when you see quick movement flashing and then in a blink of an eye, he's gone.

he noticed you noticing him. it only takes half a second to fleet from sight. especially when he's...when he's like this. when he's clearly tense under the pressure of not knowing what the hell is going on with him. he calls it a night without hesitation and goes straight to bed, but does it make it any better? absolutely not.

it only got worse to actually have the time to let what had transpired sink in, over and over and over again. your voice coming close to call it eerily but not so much as to creep him out and shudder. it's kind of addicting, to be honest, and soft, and ethereal. shit, he's falling asleep under the lullaby echoing in his mind.

when the darkness finally pulls down like a curtain covering his eyes, he thinks again, maybe it's the sleep finally claiming him, but he's not quite opposed to the thoughts faintly whispering him.

the image of you, along the sweet curl of a smile on your face, lets him muse as he sleeps. he doesn't know what sort of magic you have, but it sure does pull him in. and for whatever reason it may be, he wants to see you again, to hear your voice, and maybe he'll find the courage to reveal himself as the one admiring a moon fairy from afar.

i did not just became inactive on his bday nono i celebrated it w myself yesterday haha silly me

taglist. @seneon (when will the rayne reqs stop. apparently, i still have a long way to go.)

© kyoghurts. ★ reblogs & likes are well appreciated!

[theoreticaltranstherian]

ARTISTS! PICREW FOLKS! ECT!

I have a challenge.

I am going to, using my magical powers of description and poetic word choice, describe myself.

You should try to draw/make me based on what I describe and mention me in the post/reblog this post with the picture!

No pressure but if you see this and aren't an artist but know someone who may be, perhaps reblog and mention them? Just if you don't mind :)

However, do not (and I can't stress this enough) use AI art for this. I do not support the use of AI art at all and I do not want to interact with jt whatsoever

(it's gonna be in the third person bc I can write like that better)

(also sorry for my weird similies)

He stood there in front of the mirror, somehwat awkwardly, observing himself. He was 5'6 - no idea why he had that memorized, but oh well - and built like a tree. That is, if that tree was in fact not a tree but a stick with limbs. He had Fluffy red hair that fell to his shoulders when it was wet but rested normally a few inches above. How he hated that hair; Utterly untameable and never sat quite right. He had disproportionately long legs, not so much that it stood out normally, but if it was mentioned you could see it and when wearing skirts or shorts his long expanse of leg seemed to stretch on forever. He had very little muscle, and as he flexed experimentally in the mirror, he snorted - He looked like he was built with pencils. His shoulders and hips were the same width, that is to say quite narrow and somewhat awkwardly thin; it matched the rest of him, but he couldn't help but wish that he was bulkier. His neck was functional if not a little short. Attached to it, as with most humanoids, was his head. He wore thick rimmed round glasses both because they had to be with how thick his lenses were and they hid more of his face, which he was quite insecure about anyway. His ears were ever so slightly uneven, leading to his glasses never quite sitting right on his face and usually resting on his nose. Oh, his nose; the only thing he didn't despise about his face. Not that it was a specifically good nose - One of the nostrils were a bit bigger than the other and it was sort of small - but it looked the least weird out of all his facial features. Resting below his nose was a septum ring, the same black one he'd had on since he got the piercing only because he couldn't be bothered to change it. Continuing down past his lightly freckled face was his mouth, as was to be expected. He had pale lips to match his equally pale skin, the two only differentiated by a slight pink tinge on the former and the assumption that he was not in fact a snake and did have lips. He had eyebrows slightly darker than his hair, although to tell the truth he sometimes would use mascara to make them darker because of his fragile masculinity and his need to fit traditional male standards of appearance so as not to be misgendered. His face overall was the shape of one of those Japanese watermelons that had started to become squared but only very barely before escaping its clear plastic prison. He wasn't insecure about his height, but that didn't stop him from always wearing platforms; he just liked how they looked. He was currently wearing his favorite outfit, consisting of a black tank top that went a few inches up his neck, an olive and dark green striped button up not fulfilling its namesake over top, and some pale dark green cargo pants. He hated wearing jewelry, as it was just one more thing to lose, but he always had on a chain with a gold ring holding a small clock face; His partner had asked him out with it, and he kept it with him because he knew if he set it down in his dump of a room it would be lost to the ether the second he looked away. He also had his ears pierced, but rarely wore earrings and instead always had on a pair of headphones to help with the constant anxiety from noise. He had tried to wear headphones with earrings in the past but found it extremely uncomfortable. As he stepped back from the mirror, he realized his internal monolog was extremely monotonous, and decided to stop observing himself.

Thank you to @annotated-catastrophe for the original idea!!!!

[revenant-coining]

Non-Inherently Xenic Neoender Umbrellas

plaint text: Non-Inherently Xenogender Gender Umbrellas

Reblogs of this post won't always be up to date, but this notion link will be (link).

Last Updated: December 15th 2022. Total Terms Listed: 52 i think

Formatted as: Name + link to coining post: basic definition (basic as in might not include every concept/experience)

Aetherine (link): a non-xenine umbrella term that encompasses all things related to the otherworldly/ethereal. It is usually centered around the idea of otherworldly ideas/concepts/things and/or connection to concepts/ideas/things from other planets, whether fictional or real, but not always.

Altumen (link): an umbrella term for terms (genders, identity, orientation, alterhuman, etc.) connected to the deep sea, deep sea creatures, speculative biology, merfolk, merfolk culture, and nonhumanity/alterhumanity.

Ambedoric (link): a umbrella term that is centered and based on the concept of ambedo (link leads to definition). It is a very broad umbrella term that can include xenogenders, aesthetigenders, neurogenders, etc. underneath it. It can, however, be simply used as a xenogender, but does not definitively have to be.

Apalaros (link): a gender umbrella that is mostly based on fragility. May be similar to being kenochoric in a lighter since. It has close ties to feeling fragile and almost ghostly. Things like photographs, snowglobes, and time may be considered Apalaros in nature. This is not inherently a xenogender.

Aquarine (link): similar to soporine and kenochoric, it is an umbrella term surrounding the themes of aquatics, the ocean, water, marine life, and anything related.

Bellunic (link): A gender umbrella that is best described as being cutesy, childish, and sweet. Genders under this umbrella may be related to ribbons, bows, strawberries/strawberry flavor, pastels, pink, frilly skirts/dresses, stuffed toys, candy, and dolls. These genders are typically feminine but are not inherently female.

Cringenic / Cringern (link): a gender umbrella related to all things cringe! designed with otherkin, neurodivergent, and queer people in mind, this gender umbrella is related to reclaiming the word cringe and being unashamedly yourself. cringenic / cringern is, overal, related to being againdt cringe culture peace, love, kindness, unity, and of course, being "cringe". it's usually also related to accepting others, being childish, and etc, but doesn't have to be.

Cuteseyic (link): A non-xenine neogender umbrella related to cute(sy) things. This umbrella term encompasses all things related to cuteness. It is usually centered around cutesy concepts/things, however one may identify under cuteseyic if they do not fit under this definition.

Cybertrecores (link): An umbrella term that describes an identity, understandable only in concepts of one being Cybertronian. It is connected to the anatomy of Cybertronian species, it's culture, machines and mechanisms, transformation, mass shifting, shapeshifting, and everything else, that might be connected to Cybertronians.

Dimensen (link): an umbrella term connected to alternate dimensions, multiverse theory, subdimensions, pocket dimensions, fate, soulmates, and the like.

Dreandna (link): is an umbrella term themed off of the album Dreamland by Glass Animlals. It is connected to feelings of wistfulness, love, sadness, melancholy, disturbing, haziness, and dreaminess. This umbrella term is more based on vibes than a concrete definition.

Edisicial (link): a gender/gender umbrella for EDIN(s) (edisicial in nature (superficially)) identities. Edisicial is a Neogender.

Esperkyn (link): a (primarily) gender umbrella, similar to (but distinct from) the xenogender umbrella. It is for identities based on feelings of hope, a better tomorrow than today, victory through adversity, and many other similar concepts. While I did coin the term as a way of describing gender, other types of good-faith identities may also qualify as Esperic.

Everithe (link): a NON-XENIC neogender umbrella related to lightness, dawn, infinity, everlasting, gold, and existence. this can be metaphorical, literal, or something in-between.

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Fantasium (link): a gender umbrella related to fantasy, nobility, mythical creatures, nature, non-humanity, divinity, ethereal things and such. it may be related to the concepts tied to these, their aesthetics, their meaning, anything.

Feruvel (link): An identity centered around things connected to beastliness, animals, ferality, nonhumanity, etc. It encompasses things like predator / prey dynamics, primal instincts, wild animals, feral monsters and anything that someone might consider a part of beastliness and pure nonhumanity. This label is not exclusive to alterhumans, though one might feel this identity in a different way due to ones alterhumanity.

Furrean/Furriean (link): A semi-xenine neogender umbrella related to furries, furriness, being a furry, fursuits, furry characters, furry art, and other aspects of the furrydom!

Gesneriad (link): a gender quality that describes a gender identity directly/heavily/partly connected to clothing/clothing aesthetics, it can also relate to the the person’s fashion style, or what the person is wearing as of right now.

Hedoxine (link): an umbrella term for a gender or genders related to, connected to, or affected by the concepts of hedonism, decadence, indulgence, and/or pleasure.

Howabeiyn (link): is an umbrella term themed off of the album How to be a Human Being by Glass Animals. It is connected to feelings of unnerve, urgency, haziness, wistfulness, confusion, distraught, and fuzziness. This umbrella term is more based on vibes than a concrete definition.

Hypnocerics (link): An umbrella for terms connected to the concepts of mind and hypnosis. It is not a xenogender, though it may overlap.

Inbissiec (link): an umbrella term centered on the idea of being bizarre. It is an umbrella term circling all labels that center around being odd.

Incovodian (link): a gender umbrella relating to all things incomprehensible and dark. this gender umbrella encompasses things related to the void, nothingness, space, the darkest depths of the ocean, and strange phenomena that can't be explained. this isn't all that it encompasses however, those are just examples.

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Kasvionan (link): a gender identity/umbrella centered around plants (inclusive of any kind of plant), and possibly also sunlight, growth, beauty, and/or strength. This is a non xenic identity/umbrella, simular to kenochroic, luxine, or macashric. (do not tag as xenogender).

Kenochoric (link): an umbrella term for identities centered around things like liminal spaces, loneliness/emptiness, nostalgia, the uncanny, distortion, obscurity, disconnect, nonhumanity, and many other related things. It can be an identity of its own, but it also describes any identity with characteristics that fit its "vibe."

Kerlinux (link): a neogender umbrella for genders related to the linux operating system, free and open source software, computers, and so on. it's a broader version of linuxgender, which is under this umbrella. this may also be used as an individual gender.

Kocirine (link): a non-xenic neogender gender umbrella for genders similar to scene, neon, and/or high-contrast aesthetics. it may feel chaotic, cluttered, bright, high contrast, clashing, hyper, or "cringe", but it doesn't have to be. it could describe one's gender being related to scene and neon aesthetics, just having a lot of clashing and contrasting genders, some combination of those things, or something different.

Liminic (link): A non-xenine umbrella term for any identity related to liminality. This doesn't just have to include liminality as in liminal aesthetics, but can also be an identity that feels "transitional", in a sense. This is typically used as a descriptor for gender, but can be used as any identity, such as an allion, perspeque, personalius, xeniden, or a chornosian term. (doesn't just have to be limited to those though)

Liminix (link): a gender/umbrella term for genders that feel deeply and inseparably connected to liminal spaces. this gender may feel as though it exists within a liminal space, or simply be inseparably connected to the individual’s interest in liminal spaces. an eerie, unsettling, liminal gender.

Lumenoir (link): centring around golden light and positivity, Lumenoir is an umbrella term that includes identities that relate to sunshine, kindness, compassion, glitter, gold, brilliance, and all that shines. It is strongly positive and perhaps may be glowing or luminous. Some experiences that fall under this label could relate to sun showers, the light of dawn, acts of kindness, or angelic halos! Experiences that fall under this label may include concepts not listed above and may differ from what I have stated in this post! It mostly is about how the term feels and what vibes it gives off rather than a literal checklist of what to include and what not to include!

Luxine (link) is an umbrella term centered around the ideas of divinity, light, holiness, and vastness.

Macarshric (link): a neogender that is NOT xenic or xenine. It is the sum of macabre and horror themes which generally means the distress or disturbed feelings that can arise from death and/or violence. Macarshric is its own gender, but it can also be an umbrella if the user chooses.

Mechaneve (link): A non-xenine umbrella term that can encompass all things related to mechanical engineering, machinery, and other similar concepts and themes. Can be based off of vibes too like an id that feels mechanic. This term is usually a gender, but is not exclusive to being only a gender.

Mellic (link): an umbrella term for genders centered around the themes of sleepiness, stars, blankets, pyjamas, plushies, nighttime, moons, stars and other similar concepts. the label broadly covers any genders that feel sleepy-in-nature (SLEEPIN) or related to concepts of sleepiness and bedtime.

Mislypec (link): is an umbrella term connected to zombies, apocalypses, radiation, mutant creatures, nuclear mutation, and concepts of sentience, consciousness, and nonhumanity.

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Mortelum (link): a term for someone whose identity relates to a variety of concepts centring around death, the passage of time, and the intersection between those two concepts. Mortelum may also relate to the imagery of said concepts, such as vast grandfather clocks or rotting bones. The following concepts all fall under mortelum.

N’rosesgender / Nrosesgender (link): A gender/umbrella term for genders related to Guns N’ Roses in any way

Ocularic (link): An umbrella term similar to kenochoric or luxine, which encompasses anything relating to unease, being watched, eye horror, dread, forbidden knowledge, and the dangerous curiosity of the unknown.

Occunous (link): A neogender umbrella related to watching and being watched, paranoia, eyes, the need to know everything despite the risks, the need to collect and store information even to one's own detriment, and The Beholding from The Magnus Archives!

Polyhedral (link): a gender quality that describes a gender identity that is heavily/directly connected to shapes/objects that have many sides, this can be both on a molecular or normal scale.

Rosenion (link): an umbrella term for gender similar to love, red/pink/violet, and amatopunk aesthetics. it may feel bright, comforting, caring, safe, warm, loving, lovestruck, obsessive, or soft, but it doesn’t have to be. it can describe your gender feeling comforting and caring, being described by love and stereotypical romantic/sexual/platonic/etc gestures, relating to one’s amatopunk identity, a combination of those things, or something different.

Rosetoric (link): a umbrella term that is centered and based on roses and femininity (link leads to an image of roses). It is a very broad umbrella term that can include xenogenders, aesthetigenders, neurogenders, etc. underneath it. It can, however, be simply used as a xenogender, but does not definitively have to be. The umbrella, in general, is feminine, but does not necessarily have to be feminine and can include any type of genderedness under it.

Scalecosmic (link): an umbrella term that describes gender(s) that can be described by space, space objects, or particles that don't exist on Earth, but indeed are somewhere in space (antimatter, for example).

Scerine (link): A nonxenine gender umbrella related to scenecore, rejection of cringe culture, being cringe but free, etc!

Scenemis (link): an umbrella term for something that affects ones gender or alterhumanity or full identity. It's defined by and influenced by emo and scene culture, scenecore, cringyness, early 2000s aesthetics, bright colors or black/gray colors, webcore, Invader Zim, Hot Topic, PLUR, and more! Anyone who's identity is influenced by these things may be Scenemis!

Sonderous (link): An umbrella term/descriptor for genders related to sonder. Similar to Kenochoric, this term isn’t inherently xenine, though they can overlap.

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Soporine (link): an umbrella term for genders based on sleepiness (or lack thereof), dreams, drowsyness, etc.

SPAN/Spangender (link): a non-xenic umbrella term for all Space-in-nature genders, meaning genders that primarily related to space and/or have a space-like quality. It can be used as a gender on its own.

Spiritine (link): an identity directly connected to/representing one’s spirituality or religious beliefs. this could have a few different meanings, including not being able to separate one’s spiritual and queer identity, feeling that one’s queer identity is spiritual, or being xenine + identifying with spirituality-themed xenic identities such as religiogenders.

Temporine (link): a gender (umbrella) related to the passing of time and any other related things such as mortality and limits, as well as endlessness and the infinite. it also covers themes of life, death, the universe, and nothingness, among other things. however, these are not strict rules, merely loose guidelines for what "counts" as tempoirine. many other things can be considered tempoirine.

Twistidatian / Intwistian (link): a gender umbrella term for identities related to, connected to, or are “intimidating with a twist”. that twist is often cute, gentle, and soft. could be seen as a counterpart to twistute. intwistian by itself is not a xenogender, but terms under the umbrella can be xenogenders.

Twistute (link): an umbrella term ( like kenochoric and luxine ) for identities related to, connected to, or are “ cute with a twist “. that twist is often dark, creepy, or unsettling. some examples of this are pastel clothing with eyes or teeth, candy gore, and yami kawai. this is not a xenogender, but genders under this could be described as xenogenders.

Valmia (link): a term for genders that are bloody, painful, realistic, cartoony gore, pain, and/or weirdcore gore and similar.

Warfaren (link): An identity centered around things connected to war and military. It encompasses things like carnage, warfare, military jobs, outfits, weaponry and machines.

Wilderic (link): an umbrella term, connected to forests, plants, wilderness, wonder, the natural world, ecology and nature.

Wisteric/Glicinoric (link): a umbrella term that is centered and based on wisteria flowers (link leads to an image of wisteria). It is a very broad umbrella term that can include xenogenders, aesthetigenders, neurogenders, etc. underneath it. It can, however, be simply used as a xenogender, but does not definitively have to be.

Zabainal (link): is an umbrella term themed off of the album ZABA by Glass Animals. It is connected to feelings of haziness, weirdness, strangeness, floaty vibes, confusion, and calmness. This umbrella term is more based on vibes than a concrete definition.

tagging for reach /nf: @sunshinesolaic , @epikulupu , @kenochoric

[musigrusi]

Blue Freckles

Summary: Good ole sex pollen, Porn with Plot. That‘s it.

Pairing: Alpha-17 x Jedi!Reader

WC: 17‘095

Warnings: Listen I have no idea what to warn you about. Definitely NSFW, Sex, Masturbation, I think, I can‘t remember… Reader is never mentioned by name so you can

immagine what you want. Is described as female tho (referred to as „She“)

A/N: This is my first fanfic, a one shot, and I will never elaborate ever again on this story :) I also have no self restrain when it comes to word counts. English aint my 1st language so beware of typos and weird descriptions. Also also, I wrote this 6 months ago and I don‘t have the never to check if any cursive, grammar or whatever the hell else might find itself in there has improved or needs improvement. May the gods forgive my sins.

+++

Alpha-17 never really liked the Jedi. They were too idealistic, too gentle for war, which made his whole involvement with them even more annoying. Amongst the Jedi he worked with, there were many with well known names, like Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi and so on. And although he dealt better with Skywalker than his far more idealistic master, Kenobi, he did have a favorite Jedi.

She was cynical, a fighter, wise beyond her years but most importantly, she was pragmatic. So pragmatic in fact, that even Alpha sometimes had trouble keeping up. To Jedi standards she was cold and distanced, that she didnt like to talk a lot certainly did not boost her popularity but she didnt seem too bothered by it.

All in all, Alpha found himself enjoying her company, even though their so-called company consisted of them lounging in her quarters on a leather couch she once found in a dumpster on some high class planet and subsequently claimed as her own while both would quietly go through the endless reports and info dumps waiting for them.

She was matter of factly, and Alpha enjoyed not having that tingly feeling of displeasure with her, compared to when whoever was on the recieving end of his honest and cynical opinion would contort their face in offence, anger and annoyance. It didnt seem to bother her and she also didnt feel the need to clap back with equally harsh words, rather choosing a very classy yet pragmatic tone in her speech accompanied by the typical etheral Jedi presence.

It was quite a sight to behold, watching this 4‘11 woman with a presence as soothing as honey and a smile as gentle as a summer breeze, tell some poor sap that had the audacity to hurt one of her troops to smack his face into a brick wall. I suggest you aquaint your facial features with a piece of solid building equipment was the phrase she spoke, so elegantly and soft, one would think it was a poem. But with a sharp underlying edge to it, that worried Alpha more than once might cut her opponent‘s throat clean through.

The two of them were two sides of the same coin, most of the time sharing the same thought, but whereas Alpha spat his words with whatever anger and frustration was bothering him in that moment, she spoke the exact same words, clad in elegance, with that signature regal and etheral presence of a Jedi. Sometimes she used the same tone on him, it riled him up to no end but her apologies quieted his strom just as quickly.

I jest, my friend she would say, with that kind smile while putting a hand on his arm. The calmness that she convayed through the foce immediately would spread through him and he would drop his shoulder, breathing a heavy and irritated sigh while shaking his head.

That day, his Jedi was sent on a diplomatic mission. Alpha wanted to acompany her, but she asked him to stay on the ship. Keep our boys in line while I‘m gone, won‘t you? she spoke to him with a smile in her voice as they were walking down the corridors to the hangar.

Her Clone Commander Venom had to accompany her, Something, Something, being more fit to tag along on a diplomatic mission than him. Alpha wasnt happy when he heard this but he knew she was right. Besides, Venom was one of his best and he trusted the man more than himself, especially when it came to keeping his mouth shut while having to endure politicians and insults.

He didnt let them pick the three squads to accompany them though and neither argued with his choices. They both knew that Alpha didnt like to be excluded, and so they let him chose the squad and prep the whole mission.

It was a rather simple mission. Go down there with humanitarian aids and supplies, deliver to the ungrateful King that had been nothing but derogatory not only to the troops but also their Jedi, pack their things again and never come back to this foce forsaken shithole.

„If everything goes smoothly, the whole ordeal shoudln‘t last more than half a day.“ Alpha finished his presentation. His Jedi had a pleased smile on her face and nodded. „That sounds wonderful. Ven, do you have anything to add?“ she turned to her second in command as he turned his eyes to hers „No, General. Everything‘s clear. Could‘t have done it better myself“ he stated with a smug grin.

Alpha crossed his arm, contorting his face into a unimpressed frown „I was the one beating this training into you, woud‘nt have made a good teacher if you could do better.“

The Commander grinned even wider at the realisation that his former Instructor took the bait and redied himself to throw the ever grumpy Alpha another jab. But before the situation could escalate to their daily scuffle, their Jedi intervened „Alright boys, if there is nothing more to add to this meeting I suggest scheduling your fighting to later, I need our Commander looking shiny and presentable to the people of Korrina.“ The small mischevious glint in her eyes didn‘t go unnoticed by either men, as they made their way out of the meeting room towards the hangar.

„What, are you implying I‘d lose aginst Alpha? Some faither you have in me!“ Venom complained as he put his bucket back on his head while Alpha looked like he won the Jackpot.

„Captain, please do remind us, what‘s the current score between you two?“

„39 to 136 in my favor, and 15 undecided“ Alpha‘s smirk grew more sinister.

„That means, statistically spoken, there is a 70% chance in favor of Alpha winning.“ She spoke with a smooth and neutral tone as they entered the hangar.

„I do have faith in you, Venom. Though it‘s only at 30%“ She finished and smiled at him, again with that mischevious glint in her eyes. Venom was folding in on himself in defeat and took his spot next to his general on the bomber ship, grabbed the handle and looked at her again as she took a seat. „Come back quick and in one piece. I want to incease that presentage to 80 by next week“ Alpha spoke and nodded to them as the ship departed. The last thing he saw of them was Venom-probably sighing in frustrated resignation- as he let his head hang low and shook it, and his Jedi waving at him with her gentle smile as the doors closed and the ship vanished into the atmosphere, followerd by a dozen more bombers.

The Cruizer was quiet after that. Alpha spent his time reading up on his reports, eating a bite, then enjoying a luxurious 1 hour nap and finally getting in his daily workout. As he stepped out of the fresher, he looked to his data pad. Strange he thought, They should‘ve gotten back by now. Alpha was slightly uneasy at the lack of return and decided to send a text to Venom.

He watched the screen as he sent the message. First one checkmark appeared, then another, indicating the message was sent and recieved. A second later the checks turned green, he read them, and then a typing bubble appeared, vanished, appeared again, then vanished again.

For Kiff‘s sake Venom, just reply you dikut.

Alpha was getting more and more agitated as he watched the bubble appear and vanish again a few times before finally a message came back.

King took a liking to the Jedi, invited her to his gardens and is walking the 12th round now.

„Of course he kiffing did“ He grumbled and sent another text, Ofc. Get her out of there and inform me when you‘re back. Tell her it‘s an emergency if he keeps pushing it.

He saw Venom‘s typing bubble appear again but didnt bother waiting for a response and shut off the pad before throwing it on his cot.

Presented with a few free hours in the first time in… actually he didn‘t know but presented with the option he decided to do the only logical thing and spend it doing his favorite thing:

Taking a loooooong ass nap

As he laid down in his cot and made himself comfortable, he though of how he could use this nap as an excuse to keep his Jedi off of his case for the next 3 weeks, oh the bliss, oh the joy.

An outrageous 6 hours later, a knock on his door woke him from a dreamless floating slumber. He rolled onto his stomach in his sleep, half haning off of his bed and flailed his left arm around to grab his data pad. The knocking returned, this time more intense Some asshole is pounding on my door he thought still half asleep but as pissed as awake him would be. He managed to heave himself out of bed, his long sleep making him more groggy and disoriented, considering he was used to a meagre 3-4 hrs a night and by the data pad that finally found its way into his hand, he slept for at least 6 hours.

He punched the door lock open, took a deep breath and stared ahead, ready to chew out whoever dared pestering him, when suddenly Venom‘s distinct black on white painted marks appeared. Alpha‘s mouth snapped shut as he looked at his protegee for a few seconds.

„Well are you just gonna stand there or tell me what the kiff happened?“ he grumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest, mustering Venom with a tired glare.

Venom stood quietly for another second, then shook his head and sighed heavily. Alpha raised one unimpressed brow at that and stepped aside, beckoning Venom to come in, which he promptly did while he took off his helmet.

Alpha watched him let himself fall on his also stolen from a dumbster on an upscale planet leather lounge chair. „Who pissed in your morning caf?“ he finally asked when he figured that Venom wasn‘t in the mood to participate in a bit of wiord diarrhea.

„That-„ he started, then his face contorted into an expression of pure and utter disgust „-KING“. Alpha kept his spot next to the closed door and watched Venom go through all five stages of grief in rapid sucession.

„He‘s the most disgusting, arrogant, self absorbed and narcissistic piece of politician shit out there“ he finally spat out while laying his right arm over his face, and then letting out a deeply enraged and tired groan. Still marinating in his dark corner by the door, Alpha snorted and then broke out into a cackle.

Venom didnt take too kindly to his former instructor‘s amusement at his horrible experience and glared at him from under his slightly lifted arm. „If you‘d have been in my shoes or know half of the shit that dude pulled, you‘d be planning a planet wide wipe out contingency plan, not laugh at my misery.“

„alright, hit me with it“ Alpha countered as he stalked over to his neatly piled armor in the other corner. Might as well get ready, he did sleep enough for the next 5 rotations anyways.

For the next 40 minutes, he‘d be slowly putting on his armor piece by piece, while listening to Venom‘s descriptions of the day‘s happenings, sometimes stopping and mulling over whatever outrageously creative insult the king used against the troops before grunting displeased and proceeding with his armor.

Alpha by proxy already held a grudge against the king but when Venom started to unpack his treatment of their Jedi, Alpha decided to put the man on his shitlist‘s top ten. Mysogony was strong and raging in all shapes and forms in this galaxy, and yet this bastard took the kiffing cake in all categories of assholery.

„The general didnt really speak much, leaving the droid to translate, but at one point the guy apparently insulted one of the boys and she wasnt having none of it so she replied to him in Korrinian. You should have seen his change in character when he heard her speak his language. He did a full 180, turning into a complete Simp, it was disgusting“ Venom has put himself hanging over the chair on his head at this point while he recounted the day.

Alpha tensed at that, he only had to add his blasters and bucket to his armor and he was fully dressed.

„He had her drink some wine and had servants bring snacks and then he dragged her to the gardens and she went, something about keeping him occupied and away from the troops while they unloadede all the cargo.“ He vaguely gestured in the air in front of him as he was describing the happenings. The captain turned his back to Venom and checked his guns, he felt very uneasy with this revelation. If only he were there, he would‘ve saved her and the troops from that slimey worm by keeping him at the other end of his DC17‘s barrel.

Venom sighed „and then he dragged her to the gardens, going round and round and round and roooound again with her through the gardens…“ he paused his description for a moment, then contiued „The general seemed to go pale by the 15th round and I called it quits. I told them there was an emergency and we had to leave immediately. The bastard had the nerve to argue but I got us out of there eventually and here we are, a mere moment later than planned“ the Commander finally finished his story and turned to look at Alpha who was still standing there with his back turned to him.

„Is she alright?“ Alpha asked quietly.

„She was pale, elliviated heart rate, slightly above average body temperature and said she felt sligjly ill but she said she was gonna be fine after a nap. Something Something, a plant in the gardens being mildly poisonous to her, blah blah, you know the drill“. He whipped around and stared at Venom in disbelief.

„Poisonous?! And you didnt drag her to the med bay???“ The underlying panick in Alpha‘s tone was clear to both.

The commander sighed for the 1000th time in the last hour „Relaaaax, she‘s gonna be fine. Just a little stomach bug. She wasn‘t crawling back to her quaters.“

„Besides, you know she‘s got better self preservation skills than all Jedii combined.“ That did finally calm Alpha‘s nerves enough to put a wellfare check on his Jedi on the list but not top priority. Besides, she probably would not want her nap to be disturbed to recover more quickly.

Alpha siged and relaxed a bit „Yeah that is true“ he said and turned to the door. „Are you taking a break too? I‘ll take over rounds. Got enough sleep to last me the next week.“ Before he left the room he turned to Venom again, waiting for a response „Sure, if you‘re offering. I‘ll see you later then.“

Alpha nodded with an affirmative grunt and turned to leave „Tell our general I said hi.“ Venom called after his former instructor who just lifted his arm and flipped him off over his shoulder before the door closed again.

Alpha spent the next three hours doing inspections, following up on reports and checking the new incoming reports before he turned his attention to the next point on his list, his Jedi.

As he made his way down to her quarters, he noticed Venom‘s response from their earlier chat. Alpha clicked on the chat and saw that Venom had sent him a video of the General. He opened the link and pressed play, the audio playing in his bucket while the video flickered to life. There was sound of commotions in the background, probably the unloading of the cargo, while the video fixated on the Jedi walking next to the King through the gardens, a good 50 feet away. You could see the King babble on, his Jedi holding a gentle smile but an umistakable air of deathly annoyance radiating off of her as she trudged along, following the tall gangly man into the sad excuse of a garden, looks more like a bloody jungle to me, thought Alpha as he held a smug smile.

He closed the video, ready to put away his pad, when he noticed another video sent by Venom.

We‘re on our way back, General aint looking too peachy.

He frowned at that, of course he knew she apparently didnt feel to well but the video of her did paint a much more worrying picture of her well being than he previously anticipated.

The video showed her sitting in the bomber, she had her eyes closed and head slightly lowered. Her eyebrows were knitted together in pain, worry- well whatever it was, it wasnt good and Alpha did not like it one bit. He could make out some beads of sweat and she was chewing on her lower lip.

Oh I am having Venom‘s head on a spear if this turns out to be an emergency. He closed his pad and continued his way down the corridor with more urgency than before.

His Jedi enjoyed solitude every now and then and chose her quarters to be in a more remote part of the ship. When his legs finally carried him to her door, he stopped for a moment, worry flooding his mind again. Was she alright? Was she throwing up? Maybe she already developped a deadly fever and there was no hope? Maybe…she already died?

Alpha shook the thoughts from his mind and briskly knocked two times, then waited a few seconds and knocked once again. But there was no answer. He waited what felt like years, then knocked again. But again, no answer.

So he decided to do the next best thing and entered the pin code into the door lock. The door opened with a hiss and he was greeted with an empty room. As he entered, he noticed the bed was disturbed, at least she‘s not dead.. and looks like she took that nap. There were clothes scattered around the floor and he coud make out the sound of the shower running.

He called out her name once, loud and clear. She heard him call out to her from the shower before, she definitely must‘ve heard him now too. But no response came, not a word, not even a whimper or a breath. the dreadful feeling that had been festering in his chest since he saw them leave to the mission now made itself unmistakenly known and he took off his bucket, the hiss of the seal comming off being alltogether too loud for the quiet room. He placed his helmet down on her dining table (This one was a standart of the GAR, no stolen garbage here) and made his way over to the shower as he called her name a second time, this time his voice was unfiltered and un-modulated, however he still got no response.

The door was wide open to the fresher, he hesitated for a moment as his mind conjured all kinds of horrendous immages of his Jedi suffering or already having succumbed to the poison before he once more shrugged them off and stepped around the corner and into the door frame.

For a moment he felt panic course through his veins as he was unable to see her, but the feeling quickly vanished when he spotted her naked form sitting in the corner of her shower, her eyes staring expressionless into the floor in front of her feet with her knees pulled up to her chest, as the water was trickling onto her.

He sighed in relief, glad to see her alive and well, but the panic came rushing back when he paid more attention her rigid stare. His Jedi was not one to ignore his presence, no matter her mood or the circumstances, especially not when she was sitting in the shower with him staring her down.

For a third time he tried calling her name, and she did seem to hear and slightly react to him, going by the small twitch of her lip, but she stayed otherwise still and unmoving. Alpha‘s nerves were close to snapping in half at this point and he took two large strides, crouched down in front of her and said her name again.

„Are you alright?“ he asked. Again, she heard him, but she did not move, did not speak, nothing. Maybe the poison caused her to space out? Some kind of hallucinogenic? He waved a hand in front of her face, hoping to get her attention that way. For the first few seconds, she did not react, but then she finally lifted her head and looked at him with that same blank stare.

He was used to her unreadable blank expression but this whole business was odd, and very suspicious. But if she was on a trip right now, he needed to make sure she would get through it as comfortably as possible.

„Do you know where you are?“ he asked in a much more quiet voice, trying to sound gentle, emphasis on trying. She stared at him a few seconds, still holding eye contact, then slowly nodded. „Good“ he whispered, „and do you know who you are?“. It felt like forever before she nodded again, but he believed her. Maybe the posion is slowing down her reaction time, he theorized silently before asking another question.

He dreaded the answer, worried it might be not what he wanted but he had to know.

„Are you hurt?“

The words were barely a whisper and the time stretched painfully as he waited for a response. He watched her face, her eyes, the blank expression suddenly sparking to life and he feared his worries might come true. Suddenly though, she tore her gaze away from his and looked to her feet again and slowly lifted her shoulder.

Unsure

Panic flooded Alpha‘s mind, his gaze scanning her body and the floor around her for any indication of an injury, then it occured to him.

She‘s unsure if she‘s hurt?

How was he supposed to react to THAT ? Meanwhile she was still idly staring into space.

„You don‘t know?“ he asked baffled and she nodded, this time reacting a lot quicker. So no reaction interfering poison then.

Before Alpha could ask his next question though, he heard a small whimper. His eyes immediately fixated her face again and he tried to read her expression for any sort of information. Her jaw was slightly quivering, she‘s upset, and her eyes, they held such a profound look of desperation, were her eyes always that glossy?

No,

No she‘s about to cry

And if he thought his system might be going into panic mode before, he was certain it was going now. Kiff, he thought he might suffer an aneurysm. Never before did he see his Jedi so desperate before, let alone this close to tears.

he didnt know what to do, he wasnt trained in emotional support, he barely knew how to deal with his own emotions, let alone with those of others!

It took him what felt like hours to pull himself out of his panic attack before he managed to scream at his mind to spit out a constipated „Where are you hurt?“. When she didnt answer, but a first tear started rolling down her cheek, he panicked even more.

He, as gently as he could, put a hand on her shoulder and grabbed with his other hand her right hand that was still slung around her legs, keeping her in a small ball of misery.

„What happend? Is there anything I can do?“ by now he was desperate too, for any way to help console his Jedi and it was clear in his voice, „please, tell me what I should do..“.

That last part seemingly caught her attention again, as she snapped her head around and stared at his eyes again, this time not a blank look at all, but one akin of a tooka ready to scramble away in fear. Alpha‘s mind raced again, confusion flooding his thoughts.

Is she scared? What did that King do to her?! and with that, a burning rage filled him, oh that bastard was no longer top ten, he was number one on his shitlist.

But before he could get up, take the next best ship down to the planet and skin the bastard king alive, she returned the hold on her hand and grabbed his vambrace and cestplate. He could feel the force flowing through him, but it wasnt the usual calming sensation he knew. It was… chaotic. Panic and content, despair and happiness, all emotions seemed to go through him, conveyed by her through the force, at once.

She looked at him with more panic now, the marks of tears rolling down her cheek somewhat visible and the force feeling like a throusand little needle jabs.

„Stay“ she managed to whimper and gripped onto him even more tightly. Alpha took a deep breath „Okay, I‘ll stay“, he told her and placed his hands around hers. It seemed to do the trick and the look of panic left her eyes again, making room for confusion.

Again he tried to pry for more information „What‘s going on?“, and this time he didnt have to wait too long for an answer.

„T‘ hurts“ she murmured and leaned onto him, resting her head on his chestplate. Alpha felt another wave of the force run through him, it wasn‘t as panicked or desperate as before, it all around felt more.. confused. For a moment he stayed rigid, then slowly put his arms around her and pulled her more into his embrace.

Her breathing became more heavy, he could feel her heart rate increase too and her skin felt abalze.

„Do you know what‘s going on?“ She shook her head to that and remained quiet.

Alpha felt restless. The best course of action would be to..

„I‘m going to bring you to the Medbay, alright?“, but before he even finished the sentence he felt that familiar spike of panic, so no med bay for her then, he figured.

She pulled herself out of his embrace and pulled herself upright on her knees. It was only now that Alpha was made aware of how undressed she was. It wasn‘t the first time he saw her naked but it was the first time having her so up close and personal when she was naked.

Alpha would be lying if he said he did not find her attractive, there was not a man on the ship that would disagree with that sentiment anyways. But still, he wasnt too sure what he should make of this new discovered awareness.

All the while she watched him, with her big doe eyes, but with an eerie sharpness to her gaze. She knew, she felt his conflict and he knew as well. She edged closer to him, trailing her slightly shaking arms to rest on his shoulders, still fixating him with her stare. And Alpha let her, he watched her come closer, letting his hands fall to her side.

The initial discomfort of his revelation was washed away by curiosity, though there still was a pestering voice in the back of his head screaming at him to get a grip, that this was not normal, that he needed to figure out what was going on first, and entertain his curiosity second. But his Jedi‘s equally curious emotions he felt through the force were too enticing, so he watched her.

She got closer to him when she was sure she had him watching her and her alone, still staring into his eyes with a barely noticeable glint of desperation. They eventually were close enough to be sharing their breath, mere inches from each others faces, when his Jedi whispered, barely audible through the rushing sound of the running water of the shower.

„Help me“ her eyes finally broke their fixating gaze on him and began roaming over his face.

Alpha watched her closely as she took a trembling hand and started tracing his facial features. First his jaw, then his cheeck and eyebrows, then his nose and finally, ghosting over his lips. She was breathing hard still, the force felt frayed, compared to her usual strong transmission (?). At this point she had moved her body to be almost touching his plastroids, she was so incredibly close and Alpha could feel not only his excitement rise, but hers too.

„How?“ he finally whispered back. It seemed to be the reply she was hoping for, going by the brilliant smile she showed him as she began tracing her fingers from his lips, down to his chin and neck, to his shoulder and all the way down to his hand on her hip, before she softly took his wrist and began guiding his hand.

Alpha watched her intently, her eyes, her lips, every small detail on her face, as she guided his hand lower. She had a more clear desperate look in her eyes, a beautiful glow to her skin, and some blue freckles too and-

In an instant, Alpha‘s eyes narrowed and he resisted all movements. She snapped her eyes back up to his and watched him.

„s wrong?“ she spoke between more laboured breaths and released his hand. It seemed by the way the force felt to smooth its frayed edges again, she came back to reality too, which subsequently left her entire body shaking in exhaustion.

„You got blue freckles“ Alpha stated blankly. His Jedi, through the drowsyness and exhaustion, blinked in surpirse and searched his eyes. He gave her a moment but when she seemed to have trouble catching on, he raised one brow and looked at her sceptically.

He brought a hand to her face, smoothed it over said „freckles“ and watched them trickle down her face with the help of the still running shower.

„You didnt have blue freckles on your face this morning“ he said, continuing to gently rub away her freckles „and they are not water proof“.

He watched her intently, as her eyes once again began to look more desperate. His Jedi nodded in acknowledgement after a few seconds and lowered her gaze.

„I see“, she stated before she began sobbing quietly. Immediately, Alpha pulled her closer to him and ran a -what he hoped to be- soothing hand over her back. Whatever interpretational support he had through the force previously, was causing him a major headache now with its feedback, subsequently forcing him to suffer through part of her emotions and pains alongside her as well.

Alpha was torn. He was quite certain of what plagued his Jedi, and he knew there was no cure but to wait for the affects to vanish in the following hours. And he also knew how painful it could be, from his own experience. But this would most certainly ruin their friendship, one of the few things he had going for himself in his life, and not something he would ever want to give up.

She was sobbing more violently now with the dread of having to suffer through this agony for the comming hours, Alpha‘s presence being little help in consoling her.

„Please help“

Alpha blinked, as he stared at the fresher‘s wall, his Jedi tucked into his arms and her head buried in his chest. For a moment he thought his own mind made up the sound but then again.

„Please, Alpha… Please help me“

Her voice was so weak, she barely managed to chocke out her beg through all the crying and Alpha‘s heart shattered. His conflict slowly resolved itself as he watched her suffer in his arms, what good was his friendship with her if he would just willingly sit by and watch her sufffer.

„It hurts so much“

And with those last words, his resolve was broken. He breathed a heavy sigh and slightly adjusted his hold on her for her to be more comfortable against his plastroid armor. If he was gonna do this, he had to be sure, though.

„Do you understand what you‘re asking of me?“ he asked her in a clear tone, there was no pressure to his question.

„Yes“ she breathed almost immediately, but a moment later she spoke again „No, wait“.

She gently pushed herself off of Alpha and looked at him with a worried look. „I don‘t want to make you feel obligated. You can leave now, if you wish to not be involved with me… in.. that kind of way. I will be fine, I can manage“. it seemed to take her allher strength to get these words out.

At that Alpha snorted, her eyes grew wide in surprise „Yeah no, you definitely will not be fine and I‘m certainly not gonna leave my Jedi to be looked after by some two rotation old shiny fresh out of the tube.“ The tought alone made Alpha‘s blood curdle and he looked at her hard. „Just tell me what you want me to do and I‘ll do it.“ Her eyes went even more wide at Alpha‘s statement but she nodded quickly.

Truth be told, he did fantasize about such an encounter on a hand full of occasions, but he was always quick to shut them down. He knew it was only natural for him to react to her in such a way, but there was no need to entertain a thought that will never come to be, but oh how he regretted that now. He was entirely overwhelmed and he could not help but think that those fantasies might‘ve helped him deal with this situation better.

His Jedi still stared at him with wide eyes, she did not move an inch and the look in her eyes made it clear to Alpha, that she was horribly lost. „Did you ever…“ He trailed off, not too sure how to ask her if she ever engaged in intercourse.

The way her eyes flickered in panic told him all he needed to know.

„No, I… just never found the right person…“ she quietly screeched out and looked away, her face growing as red as an alderaani tomato. Alpha sighed somewhat relieved and drew her closer to him. „It‘s fine, I‘ll help. Just tell me when you want me to stop, alright?“

She nodded more enthusiastically and put her arms around his neck again, resuming her previous observation of his features. He felt the force creep through him again, this time less frayed. Alpha was glad she didnt ask any questions and busied herself with her task, she didn‘t have to know how Alpha had his first few encounters in some shaby back alley on the lower levels of Couruscant.

He was pulled out of his thoughts when she lightly tugged at his right wrist again, she was much more hesitant and weak now than she was before. Alpha pulled his wrist from her grasp and a soft whine left her parted lips before she shot him a confused look. He leaned down next to her ear and proceeded to take off the gloves behind her back.

„Just a moment, it‘ll be more comfortable for you this way.“ he could feel her shudder but she didnt move away, instead creeping closer and leaning herself onto him, nudging his face into her neck.

Alpha took the hint and started to slowly run his freed hands up and down her back, over her shoulder and to the small of her back. A soft moan escaped her as she melted more into him. Alpha could feel how hot she was under his touch, a stark contrast to the cold water in which they both were fully drenched in by now. He felt how strong her heart hammered against her ribcage, how hard she grasped for air.

It didn‘t take long before she was squirming in his embrace however. The force felt agitated and impatient, and Alpha had a good guess what was bothering her.

„More?“ he muttered to her and she eagerly nodded in response

A breathy „mhm“ was all she managed as she tried to get more, more of whatever it was she was yearning for. Alpha did as she asked and let his hands roam a bit more. With every caressing touch he would let his hand roam further down along her back untill he brushed over her bum and down her thigh.

His Jedi was hanging onto him, burried in his frame and breathing heavily. He wasnt too sure if she was alright with this direction but before doubt could infest him, she let another wave of the force wash through him. It was tingly and happy, yet desperate and impatient. He took this as a yes an decided to take it up a notch. His hands started roaming her thighs and bum again before he took a handfull in each and squeezed her ass - as gently as he could but firm enough to catch her off guard.

Immediately her hands gripped his shoulders on either side as she but down on her lower lip. She whimpered harshly before reining herself in again and stared at him again with those big doey eyes. There was no panic in her eyes or the force so he took this as his go ahead. He still had a firm grip on her behind and took the opportunity to arrange them in a more… comfortabe position, then unlatched his chestplate and took off one of his shoulder plates and thew it at the shower‘s button. The water finally stopped and Alpha turned his attentin back to his Jedi who had found a new occupation by running her hands over his now unarmored chest and shoulders.

Alpha was now kneeling down with her straddling his lap. He let his hands roam again, but returning to her bum every now and then for a grab. His Jedi seemed more calm, slinging her arms around his neck and nuzzling him occasionally. But the calm didnt last, before she grew irritated again. She called his name, the weakness still clouding her senses but she seemed more daring, as she started squirming again, untill she sealed herself to him in a tight embrace, placing herself directly on his codpiece.

Her head lifted itself from his shoulder, keeping her face at minimal distance to his as she looked at him expectantly. Alpha searched her eyes for any sign of doubt but before he could conclude his search, she started grinding up on him. A deep sigh left her lips as she tilted her head back and closed her eyes.

He let her do as she pleased, holding her steady and close to him. When she looked at him again, she grabbed the back of his neck and began threading her fingers through his hair, closed her eyes and leaned her forehead on his. For a moment, he closed his eyes too, relishing the feeling of her pressed up against him.

Alpha felt her grow more exhausted again, she could barely cling onto him as she tried to reach her peak but her body was failing her. Her right hand left his shoulder, trailing down her chest and belly to her source of agony but Alpha grabbed her hand before she could help herself.

„I‘ll take care of you, you just hold onto me, okay?“ he spoke softly to her. She felt so frail in his arms at that moment, as she nodded and grabbed onto his blacks again with both shaking hands. He didnt waste much time, seeing how desperate she was, and let his free hand glide down between them. His right arm had snaked around her waist to keep her secure and he tried soothing her by letting his fingers trail over her shoulder blade, while the left hand slid down over her belly button and lower untill his fingers curved along the form of her sex (Because any other word freaks me out too much).

Her breath hitched as her body immediately reacted to the change in friction and Alpha watched as a ray of emotions passed over her face and through the force before she started grinding onhim again.

Quiet mewls echoed through the fresher as she moved her body into his hand with new found vigor. Her eyes were still closed, forehead still resting on his, as she once again snaked one hand into his hair, this time grabbing him more desperately.

Alpha watched her for a moment, helping herself, before joining her efforts and experimentally nudged his thumb over her nub (Again, leave me alone, idk how to smut okay). Her reaction was immediate as she threw her head back and let out a breathy moan. She pushed herself down onto his hand and Alpha took the opportunity and stroked her again with his thumb.

Everything around them seemed to go blurry, Alpha kept his gaze fixated on his Jedi as she relished in the friction he provided her. She was beautiful beyond compare and even in her dishiveled state, she had an etheral presence. Alpha‘s eyes were glued. to her, he couldnt look away, he wouldnt. And when she brought her head up again and returned his gaze, everything else vanished.

Her movements slowed down and her focus was fixated on him alone. A shakey hand glided up from his shoulder to cup his face and her eyes sparkled with something so brilliant, something Alpha has never seen before. Again he felt the familiar touch of the force, trying to convey how she felt, she probably saw his confusion, and Alpha was left stunned at the sheer brilliance of her adoration, her adoration for him.

But the moment did not last long, the force twisted and turned sour and her expression soon followed, contorting into one of pain. Alpha decided he could relish in this revelation later, he had more pressing matters to attend and tightened his grip on her again while gentily beginning a circular motion.

Her sudden gasp did not go unnoticed but Alpha did not bother acknowledging it. Within moments she regained focus and began moving with him, and with that, Alpha decided to increase his measures, handling her more roughly and teasing her entrance with his middle finger.

Her breathing became more ragged and she clung to him even more as he continued to increase speed and pressure.

„Yes, Alpha.. please.. more“ she whispered in his ear „I want more..!“

So he did as told.

While he continued to pleasure her with his left hand (????), and his right hand busied itself with her bum and with keeping her safely lodged to his chest, he plotted to make use of his mouth too and started nuzzling his 5o‘cklock shadow from the base of her neck, up to her cheek before returning to her neck‘s junction and placing a small kiss here, a little bite there. He believed she enjoyed it, going by the way she grabbed him more tightly, bared her neck to him more for better access and the little moans she spilled, that accompanied his kisses.

Alpha was having too much fun with this, how easily he could please her. So he took it a step further and promptly slipped his finger into her entrance while he left a particularly bruising hickey on her neck. She did not react how expected though, but after an initial moan of surprise took full advantage to the newly granted pleasure.

She was gaining her strength back and no longer struggling as much, but using every opportunity Alpha offered to her and moved with him to reach her end. She was close, he knew, so he increased his efforts and slipped another finger into her heat.

The added fricktion was praised with more soft moans as she lifted herself more onto her knees and subsequently pushed down harder onto his fingers. Alpha matched her movements and guided her with his right hand, holding her at her waist with a solid grip.

Words of affirmation and sounds of pleasure tumbled from her lips as they both chased her release, her eyes closed through it all untill something changed and she tore her eyes wide open to look at him with her doe eyes.

„Alpha I‘m…“ her words failed her but he didnt have to hear them to know what was comming.

„I know“ he whispered into her ear as he buried his face in her neck again, but it all came crashing down far more quickly than expected. Before he knew it her walls quenched around his fingers and she let out a soft cry, her hands trying to find more purchase on him as she laid her head on his shoulder. He kept going, even through her peak, allowing her to ride out her high as she followed his lead, slowing down her hips‘ movements before comming to an exhausted halt.

His Jedi was breathing heavily, head still resting on his shoulder, the force felt like it was floating around him like a thousand little butterflies. He slowly pulled out his hand from underneath her, ignoring her almost inaudiable whimper and the slick sticking to him and rested his hand on her still trembling hips. When her breathing finally had slowed, he cleared his throat, causing her to perk up and lift her head off of his shoulder a bit.

„We should get you cleaned up, the longer that aphrodisiac is on you, the harder this will be on you.“ he could feel her nodd at that, so he heaved himself and her in his arms up to stand, before gently letting her stand on her own. Her legs were still shaking though, which left her almost falling to the floor again, werent it for Alpha‘s quick reflexes as he grabbed her by the hips again to steady her.

She was situated with her back to him, bracing herself against her shower wall to keep upright and his hands resting at her sides. If anyone would‘ve walked in on this, well.. it would‘ve been just as compromising as their previous position.

Alpha had to shake the thought from his mind, but it only served to draw his attention even more to their positioning. Instead of focusing more on how her ass was pushing up against his very tight feeling codpiece, he redirected his attention to his current gaol: Wash the damn poison off of his Jedi and THEN continue to deal with the consequences.

So he proceeded to turn on the shower, thoroughly drenching both of them before gently swipe his hand down her back in an effort to remove any remaining pollen. A bunch of them were stuck in her hair though and any effort of removing them was in vain. In the mean time, his Jedi was able to regain enough self control and grabbed the bottle of shampoo, which she promptly handed to him.

Wordlessly he put a generous amount on her head and began massaging her scalp. She leaned back into him, fully bracing her standing weight against him as she enjoyed the treatment and smiled with peacefully closed eyes and her head resting on his chest. Alpha looked down on her as he continued his task, his heart singing with content at her peacefull expression, but his own mind was quick to betray him, as he noticed not only the hickeys he left along her neck but further down, her chest.

Alpha always considered himself an Ass type of man, but now, he wasnt too sure anymore. The more he stared at her mounds and perky nipples, the more he yearned to touch and fondle them. He knew that, given the circumstances, he could fulfull that yearning but as his eyes wandered to per peaceful expression again, he put an extra short leash on himself, before murmuring to her ear an instruction to turn around.

Her eyes slowly opened and looked at him as she wordlessly followed his instructions and he began to scrub down her arms, back and sides. She was quick to melt into his form however, getting the shampoo on his blacks as well.

„You missed a spot“ was the first thing she said, when she noticed how he respectfully evaded her bum and giggled when her Captain went stiff for a brief second.

„Oh? Where?“ he asked, feigning ignorance, and she grabbed his arm, putting it to her bum „Here“.

Alpha thought to entertain her humerous mood and traveled a few inches up from where she guided his hand to. „Here?“ he asked again, and she giggled at that „no, lower“. So he inched his hand lower again, „Better?“, „no“, „Lower?“, she nodded and he moved. He asked again, „Better?“ and she shook her head again, a quiet giggle audible.

Finally, he placed both his hands on her cheeks and squeezed gently. „How about now?“ he asked one more time, and she nodded affirmingly into his chest giggling again.

„You still missed a spot“ she said again after a brief moment of silence, as Alpha finished rinsing off the soap from her back. This time she pushed herself from him to look at him, Alpha looked back and watched, as she turned around in his arms, pressing her back into his chest again.

Oh force help him, Alpha tried his best to keep a blank stare to his face, but the way she draped one arm around his neck and looked up at him with a FULL VIEW was not making his pants feel any more lose. The water beads on her skin making this whole scene feel like straight out of an adult holo.

She was looking at him intently, a smile tugging at her lips while her hand started going through his now damp hair again. The force danced around him, leaving him with a tingly feeling as if she‘s teasing me. In an instant, Alpha decided to play along her little game and smirked at her. For a moment she blinked, surprised at his change in demeanor, but then, as his hands ran up from her hips to cup her brests, she closed her eyes, held onto his arm with her own and melted into him with a content sigh.

He buried his face in her neck again, gently nuzzling her„That the spot you meant?“ and she replied with a dreamy „mhm“. Now that Alpha was more aware of his own predicament, it made him more susceptible to her actions as well and right now, he was going through an internal crisis.

She felt wonderful against him, everything felt fuzzy and tingly and by the force she was so soft. He wanted more, so much more, but he wasnt too sure if she would need him to help her like that anymore, the worst of it seemed to have passed by now. And besides his body‘s current predicament, there was also that pestering annoyance with his heart.

Alpha felt a pang of disapointment at his revelation, his cynical mind chastising him for even believing that there was a chance. He didnt let his actions mirror his internal conflict but of course his Jedi knew something was off and he knew too, by the way the force twisted around him in confusion. Funny thing, the force… I wonder if she feels me the same way I feel her now.

Her eyes opened and looked up at him again, she was trying to figure him out. But Alpha had other plans. He didnt want to mull over what is, istnt, could or couldnt be at this moment, instead enjoy whatever time he had with her before everything would come crashing down eventually.

He grabbed her brests, rougher, much rougher than before and started kneading and caressing them. She moaned out his name at that and tugged at his hair. He let his hands wander all over her body, if she wanted him to stop, she would tell him, and resumed his nipping, biting and kissing of her neck and shoulder.

But within an instant she snapped out of the pleasuring high he was carrying her to and turned around in his arms. He looked at her a bit dumbfounded, still holding her close to him though as she ran a hand over his chest. Alpha stayed still and watched, her eyes following her hand‘s movement before they migrated over his collar bone, along his neck and finally cradled his face in her hand. Her thumb ran over his cheek as her eyes tried to read him. Alpha resigned to watching her, the way she so gently touched him made his insides feel gooey and he leaned into her touch which granted him a smile from her.

Alpha wanted to scream and hold her as tightly to him as he could, he did not feel such genuine excitement since he was a cadet and Jango offered him and his batchmates a piece of chocolat.

But of course his own mind came crashing through, obliterating whatever pleasant feeling that was growing in him by harshly reminding him of their position, their duty, the war, and everything else.

Again Alpha tried to hide his soured mood but this time, she was the one to orchistrate the distraction. While he was preoccupued with his cynical thoughts, her other hand came up to cradle his face, pulling him down to her and crashing her lips to his.

Her kiss was slow and timid, but Alpha shook the surprise quickly and reciprocated the kiss with more fierce passion, his hands shooting up to hold her face close to him as hers slid down to rest on his chest.

For a moment, they kissed passionately, before he felt her push him gently. He released her from the kiss and let his hands slide back down to rest on her hips as they leaned in to touch their foreheads. She held onto his shoulders, breathing heavily as she started tugging at the fabric of his blacks.

„This is unfair“ whe whined quietly and looked up at him.

For a split second, Alpha stood there, baffled, then barked our a laugh.

„This isnt funny either, stop laughing!“ there was a pout on her face now and if it werent for the playful glimmer in his eyes, Alpha would‘ve fallen to his knees and asked for forgiveness.

Alpha had to stifle his laugh, „What do you want me to do about it?“ he asked with smug smile and raised eyebrow.

His Jedi smiled up at him and tugged at the neck of his shirt. Alpha‘s insides became all gooey again at her sparkling eyes.

„Take it off“ she said, still smiling brightly and batting her eyelashes at him while still tugging at his shirt.

Alpha‘s breath caught in his throat. Sure he knew he‘d be in some kind of stage of undressed by the end of this but he figured it to be more a consequence of action, not an outright demand of his Jedi to take off his gear.

But who was he to deny her anyways, he thought and grinned at her before giving in „Alright“ he answered with a playful tone and let his hands slide from her side to begin unclapsing his armor. Experienced as he was, it didnt take long for him to get rid of the top half of his armor, the pieces falling to the shower‘s floor with a heavy bang each time, untill he ridded himself of his left vambrace, the last remaining piece.

Previously standing to the side and watching him take off his armor, his Jedi creeped her way back into his arms just as he let the vambrace fall to the ground and started tugging at the hem of his shirt while chewing on her bottom lip. Alpha smirked, enjoying how eager his Jedi was to have him undressed, but took pitty at her futile attempts to lift up his shirt and pulled it over his head with one swift move.

Immediately her small cold hands started skimming over his drenched body, tracing his scars and muscles and alpha had to suppress a moan. Oh the things she does to him. His hands found her sides again and started roaming all over her, her eyes shooting up to meet his and he took the opportunity to lean down and kiss her deeply. As she mewled into the kiss he grabbed her ass and she let out a high pitched moan, before grabbing his face, smiling at him and resuming their kiss.

Oh the things she does to him!

Just when Alpha thought his codpiece might just break from his errection, she snaked one hand down, letting her fingertips glide over his chest and abdomen untill she reached his belt and started fumbling with it.

Alpha moaned loudly into the kiss before pulling away and spinning her around again. „Stop it or you‘ll regret it, sweetheart“ he growled as he nibbled at her ear lobe, letting one hand mound her chest, while the other creeped down and between her legs.

First she giggled at his threat, then, after a particularly rough grab of her brests and hard stroke to her heat, she yelped out a moan and braced herself with both arms against the wall. Alpha kept teasing her for a moment as her moans became louder, god how he loved hearing them, before he coundt take it anymore and began grinding on her ass.

She caught on quickly to his at first almost unnoticable movements before she let her left hand wonder down to his and yank it away.

At first caught off guard, Alpha slowed his movements, but when she threw her head back onto his shoulder and looked at her with her doe eyes again, filled with lust, he couldnt supress a growl.

„More, Alpha.“ despite being out of breath, her demand left no room for arguments and Alpha gladly took his unemployed hand to fumble around on his belt, understanding very clearly what she was implying to him. The now familiar feeling of the force tingling around him in agitation filled him with even more of a sense of urgency than his desperately errect Penis (BECAUSE WE CALL IT WHAT IT IS FUCK OFF) already did.

While he kept her occupied with his hand on her chest, she returned the favor by pushing her behind more on him, earning another growl from Alpha who was desperately trying to rid himself of his belt.

Finally the familiar *snap* of his belt mixed with the sound of the running shower and their shared sounds of pleasure, letting relief wash through Alpha, and -going by the force‘s more calm disposition- her as well.

He unlatched his codpiece, letting it fall to the ground with a heavy sigh, before undoing the zip as his Penis sprung free. His Jedi didnt give him much time to adjust though, as she pushed herself even more against him and Alpha took a hold of her hips, supporting her efforts as he let a deep groan emmit from him as she started moving against his errecrion.

As she continued grinding, her movements became more pronounced, more hurried. Alpha, through his high, realized how she stopped momentarily, re positioned herself and contunued rocking her hips, now with his penis squeezed between her trembling thighs and slicked heat. He enjoyed watching her take matters into her own hand (litterally haha) but when she grabbed his arm and guided him in between her legs, and his other to grab her chest, he understood and wordlessly began his work.

He caged her in with his arms, his much bigger frame covering her completely, as he started grinding up on her in a slow but rough pace. His Jedi melted into him, moaning his name and grabbing onto him, wherever she could for support as he kept rocking his hips.

For a moment, she was content with his efforts but when the familiar sensation of a growing orgasm started spreading through her, she became impatient and met Alpha‘s thrusts with her own grinding hips. He didnt take too kindly to her efforts however and stilled her hips with a bruising grip.

He leaned down to her ear and growled. „Do you want this to last more than 30 seconds?“ hearing his gruff tone, she stopped all her squrming and moving and nodded with a small whimper. „Good, then let me take care of you.“ again, she nodded obediently and tried to keep herself still as he losened his vice like grip on her hips and smoothed his hands over her body.

he kept his nose burried in her neck as he slipped his hand in between her folds again and picked up his maddeningly slow pace again. he let his his hands work harder as they groped her chest, caressed her body and pleasured her sex, while he slowly dragged his errection over her folds to ensure he‘d last longer, because by the force, he was so kiffing close already.

His Jedi did a wonderful job, keeping still for him, but she reached out to him through the force and he felt just how desperate she was. It was almost impressing, seeing how rigid she stayed, so he picked up the pace drawing faste circles on her sex, but keeping his gringing to a slow and steady minimum. He felt as her heart beat faster against his hand, her breathing becomming more erratic and her whole body started to shake as her second orgasm ran its course through her body.

She leaned back on him as she enjoyed her bliss, whereas Alpha tried to keep himself from losing it, just by seeing and watching her.

She kept her eyes closed as she held onto his arms and slowed her breath. The room was quiet except for the pitter patter of the still running shower as she sighed in content.

But she wasnt oblibvious to her Captain‘s unfinished business and the thought of his member pressing up to her heat had her mind spinning with unbridled hunger again. Alpha too noticed her change in demeanor and let a breathy moan escape him as she started grinding again.

„What did I say, sweetheart?“ he growled in a warning tone, but she ignored him and continued her assault, only stopping momentarily, as she leaned back to look him in the eyes.

„Take me“ she whispered „and dont hold back“. Her eyes burned with need and lust as she lifted a hand to trace his lips.

It took all strength within him to not completely lose his mind then and there, but he took her word and quickly adjusted their position as he cursed under his breath. She followed his lead, bracing herself against the shower wall and slightly bending over for him. With one hand he kept an iron grip on her hip as he stroked himself with the other, before running his errection along her folds waiting, watching her reaction. She tried pushing herself more against him, but he stopped her with his hold, then leaned over and asked her one last time „Are you sure?“.

„Yes, yes by the force, yes!“ and with those words all his self control went flying out the air lock as he pushed his penis into her, the room filling with the sound of their groans, grabbing both her hips to slowly push into her.

Alpha was glad that, in all places he could have found her, he found her in the shower, as the water that covered them both allowing him to enter her more smoothly. And considering their impressive difference in size, smooth entry was certainly what they needed now.

As he slowly gained inch by inch, both of them moaned and mewled at the extatic feeling. He felt her tremble under his hands, so he began drawing circled with his thumbs on her hips, trying to soothe any discomfort. But as he was 2/3ds buried in her heat, he couldn‘t take it anymore and began pulling out, only to reconquer her inch by inch again. At first his Jedi begged him to not pull out, but when he pushed back in, this time with less hesitation, she threw her head back, yelling out his name in pleasure.

Alpha kept his pace agonizingly slow, stillable to recognize his worry for his Jedi and her well being, but as he desperarely tried to keep his thrusts slow and controlled, she was starting to meet his thrusts.

„Alpha, for force‘s sake, please…“ she begged as a sob escaped her lips, „please“, the desperation clear in her voice. Alpha‘s errection twitched at the sound of his Jedi‘s pleas, his own resolve crumbling and he did as told.

„As you wish, princess“ he whispered into her ear, a shudder running through her body, as he leaned down to her and gradually began thrusting faster, stronger and deeper.

She showered him with words of praise, how good he felt, how strong he was, every word spurring him on to do better, please her more and chasing his own release. At one moment, one of her small hands reached back, flailing to find anything to hold onto, he grabbed it, interwiened their fingers, snaked their arms around her and pulled her closer to his chest.

He began kissing along her neck again, sucking at the already formed hickeys and continued dragging his errection along her tight walls at an increasing speed and ferocity. She kept moaning more praises and pleas but her words became increasingly incoherent, the closer Alpha brought her to her orgasm. He felt pride bubble in his chest and smirked at the thought of making his Jedi Cock Dumb. Oh how he would relish in this memory for all the remainder of his miserable existance.

It didnt take long as her moans became louder, more primal, and somewhere in the jumble of words, Alpha could make out a breathlessly whispered „m‘ close“. He growled, letting her know that he heard her, but it seemed his growling had quite the effect on her as he felt her walls tighten. „You like that?“ he asked, his voice rough from straining „You like hearing me growl?“. She nodded feverishly at that, moaning out some incoherent affirmations to his question and pressed herself more to his chest, a look of delerious bliss on her face as she looked at him through hooded eyelids.

Alpha cursed loudly when he saw her expression and lost all self control, grabbing her hips with bruising force and began pounding into her at a neck breaking speed, burrying his errection all the way into her womb. Only a few thrusts into his mission he felt her walls clench around him, her body shaking more violently as her orgasm flooded her system. Alpha was not far behind, watching her in excasy, sreaming out in overstimulation and pleasure edging him on before thrusting into her sharply once, twice, and finally releasing into her with one final hard thrust.

Both were breathing heavily, grateful for the cool water running over both as they slowly came back to reality. Alpha still held her hips flush against his, but he losened his grip on her and hugged her more gently to him. She lowered her arms from the wall, no longer needing to brace against her Captain‘s dizzying pace and snuck her hands into his. She was extatic, the tingly feeling of the force conveying as much to him and he burried his face in her neck, ghosting his lips over her neck, occasionally planting a soft kiss here and there. He didnt want this to end, holding her in his arms, kissing her and dick burried to the brim in her. He didnt want to return to the harsh reality of his existance, but he knew it was only a question of time. Still he held onto her, not wanting to end the moment and leaving that choice to her.

They both stayed like that, basking in each other‘s presence and enjoying the water gently trickle down their bodies, for what felt like an eternity and a split second alike.

„Alpha?“ her words broke him out of his trance and he hummed in acknowledgement, already dreadding her next words.

„Would you say yes, if I asked you to do it again?“ the tone of her voice was so gentle and sweet, Alpha almost didnt register what she was asking for, but smiled into her skin when he did, leaving a particularly long kiss at her neck and hummed in affirmation.

„Good“ she whispered, melting into his embrace. „Because I will need your help too, I can barely stand“ Alpha‘s face blanched at first but his colour returned when she started giggling. „Sure thing“ he replied finally with a smile of his own.

As they eventually managed to separate from each other, their plan was to shower, properly this time and return to the ajacent bedroom. But of course the pollen still had an affect on his Jedi and it didnt take long for her to be all over him again, making out and drowning in his frame.

Finally, after another round with her back pressed up against the cold shower wall and her legs and arms curled around him as he pounded into her with one hand to her ass and the other threading through her silky hair, they managed to actually get cleaned, Alpha discarding all of his armor and clothes along the way, and migrated to the bedroom. True to his word, Alpha carried his Jedi bridal style and sat her down on her GAR standard issue, not stolen table, as they dried themselves off.

It took Alpha exactly 2 minutes and 32 seconds to dry himself completely, then he returned to the shower to collect and dry off his armor and wrung out his blacks before throwing them over the transperisteel (Glass, idk look it up again to be sure, editor) in a futile attempt at letting them dry up, at least a bit. He didnt want to drag a swamp along when he would have to return to the corridors of the cruizer.

When he stepped back into the bedroom, his Jedi was still perched up on the table, her back turned to him and with a brush in one hand and a bunch of her hair in the other as she violently raked through it.

At first Alpha believed her to be upset or angry, but when he walked closer, she turned around at the sound of his steps, wearing a bright smile with a twinkle in her eyes, and then resumed her assault on her hair.

I just hope that whatever Padawan is bestowed upon her, doesn‘t have long hair, he thought as he kept watching her with more apprehension, worried she might ponce him and try to brush out his unruly, yet thankfully short curls. That is, unless they find out about this. She will be ruined.

Alpha sighed and shook his head at the thought, tired and annoyed of his own mind ruining the playful moment for him. „What is it?“ he took a breath and woke himself from his trance. She was still staring at him, her face neutral now, brush set down and all attention on him. She was reaching out to him through the force, the touch gentle and inviting, come closer. Instinctually, his feet carried him to stand in front of him and she grabbed his hands in hers, still fixating him with her eyes.

Again a sigh left his lips and he shook his head, „Don‘t worry about it“. He tried sounding convincing and forced a smile on his face, but she knew, and so did he. Thankfully though, she understood that he did not wish to speak of it and let it slide, her eyes falling to their intervened hands.

„Will you stay a moment longer?“ she asked, barely above a whisper. He watched her as she played around with his hands in hers, „You must be tired, after all… this…“.

There was a shy smile tugging at her lips as she lifted her gaze to meet his again and he was still watching her intently as she cast her gaze to the side. „I know I certainly am.“ The comment was barely a whisper, but Alpha heard and closed his hands around hers.

„Sure..“ he grumbled, a smile tugging at his lips as he spoke „If that‘s what you wish for“.

A small giggle left her lips as she nodded and looked at him again. „Will you carry me?“ her eyes looked at him with so much hope shining in them, giving his insides that now all too familiar gooey feeling and he nodded before picking her up again, turning on his heel, takng two long strides and putting her down on the bed. Alpha turned around again and went to the small kitchen isle to grab a bottle of water, thinking she would be waiting patiently for him, but when he turned around, she had discarded of her towel, that previously was wrapped around her body, laying on her back, draped like a beautiful statue and looked at him expectantly.

Alpha swallowed but willed his growing errection to stay down as he made his way back to the bed, put the bottle down on the bedside and rolled onto his back as well, unfortunately dropping his towel on the floor as well.

The moment Alpha was lying on his back though, she had already creeped her way into his embrace, laying her head on his arm and curling around him. By instinct, Alpha put his arm around her and interwened their fingers as she put her free hand on his chest, onto a particularly large scar, whose shape she began tracing with her fingertips.

His mind wandered back and forth between the current happenings and what was to happen. Was this a one time thing? Will she be angry with him for not just turning on his heels when he realized what was going on? So many questions swarmed his mind and he tried to rid himself of them every few minutes, focusing his attention on her, and how she felt, lying against him. But he couldn‘t help his mind returning to all these uncertain questions.

Amongst all of them, one in particular infested his thoughts.

Was this real?

Or was it just the pollen?

He had his own run in with a similar kind of pollen a few years ago and knew the unbearable desire it could awake within one‘s heart, he would‘ve not been too surprised that side effects could be temporary affection towards any intercourse engaging partner. It would make sense biologically and chemically, but the possibility tore his heart appart.

Alpha has seen many people die, some he didn‘t know too well, others he hated and those he cared for deeply. But thinking of losing her was unbearable to him now. Funny how I‘m just thinking of this now, he thought as he realized just how attached he was to his Jedi and how much he truly cared for her. Or maybe the pollen are affecting me too… I did touch them, so it‘s possible.

„How did you get this scar, if you don‘t mind me asking?“

He was pulled out of his thoughts and looked at her, her eyes still on the scar and hand tracing around the edges, as he thought of the answer. It was a large scar, the size of his palm with frizzled ends to the scar tissue, one he got after fighting Grievous as he was stabbed with a lightsaber. He was almost done for but saved in the last minute and thanks to the long necks technology and some unfortunate deceased clone‘s donation, he was also fit to serve again, but the Republic kept him from the front lines, damning him to instruct new troops and staying away from most battles, thus how he ended up with his Jedi.

Never thought I‘d be happy thinking about this tin can stabbing me, he thought and then replied to his Jedi with the encounter, keeping things short and simple. When he finished, she hummed in acknowledgement and moved her hand to another scar, running diagonally over his right collar bone.

„And this one?“, again, Alpha answered her, describing how one of his CC trainees accidentaly sliced through his blacks during a lesson in Marksmanship.

She hummed again, then readjusted herself in his arms to lie on her stomach and prepped herself up on her elbows before tracing his face, finally stopping at a scar that ran from the corner of his upper lip to about an inch below his eye.

This time she didnt need to ask as Alpha responded the unspoken question. „Rough landing on Florrum, banged my head against the console.“ he stated simply. For a while she kept her eyes on the scar, tracing it and his lips and then smiled.

„You look handsome with them“ she said quietly, apparently lost in her own mind. A smile tugged at Alpha‘s lips and he lifted his hand to tuck a lose strand of her silky hair behind her ear as she leaned in closer to him, their lips almost touching.

„I would like to say you‘re beautiful“ he whispered, looking at her lips „But words don‘t do you justice.“, he finished his thoughts and looked at her eyes again. Her look was unreadable but he hadnt much time before she closed the distance between them. With all urgency gone, the kiss was slow and sensual. Alpha forced his brain to brand the memory of the feeling of her soft lips agains his rough ones, into it as he moved with her, cradling her face in his palm.

All of a sudden, his Jedi pulled back from him, at which he almost whined, before she threw her leg over him and straddled him. For a brief moment, she ran her hands over his abdomen, over his chest and shoulders and down to his hands again, which seized the hold on her hips again. She returned her path back to his neck and leaned down to kiss him again.

Of course it didn‘t take long before Alpha felt himself getting hard again, his Jedi was quick to notice it too and purpousefully began teasing his errection with her hips. Her efforts quickly bore fruit as Alpha tried to surpress a groan but failed miserably. She couldn‘t help but giggle at his reaction but of course, he wasn‘t one to yield so quickly, so he took a handfull of her ass in each hand and squeezed. With a yelp she jumped, leaning forward which gave Alpha a wonderful view of her brests and a brilliant idea came to his mind as he saw his opportinity and began nibbling, kissing and licking at her chest. Her hands shot up to weave through his curls an take a hold of him as she moaned out his name breathlessly.

For a while they continued as such, Alpha taking care of one brest before focusing his attention on the other while she continued to tease his errection with the guidance of his hands on her behind. This time it all felt different, maybe because it wasn‘t so rushed, not desperate, but Alpha didn‘t care to investigate any further, not when this all felt so peaceful. A second later after his conclusion, she pushed herself up and looked at him with the same undefining stare as she let her hands ghost over his face, and thread though his hair, before leaning down again to capture him in a searing kiss.

Despite the building tension, it was all so very gentle. The kiss, the touching, the feeling, all was gentle and soft (Except his dick, that ish is rock hard, i tell ya). As they continued their kissing, his Jedi let one hand wander down between them before gently ghosting her fingers over his errection and then fully wrapping her small fingers around him as she began to stroke him at a slow pace. Every last coherent thought left his mind, as his sole focus lied on her hands around his hardened Penis and her every move.

She continued stroking him, experimenting with different pressure and movements, but stopped apruptly, letting Alpha crash back down to reality, only to open his eyes and watching her adjust herself to take him again. As much as he cursed out the bastard King before, he couldn‘t help but to think of sending him a thank you post card after this, maybe even a bottle of some courescanti wine.

As she finally had adjusted her body over his and positioned his errection at her entrance, she began a slow descend, letting him fill her up, inch by inch, untill she settled on his hips again, eyes closed, having fully accomodated to his size with a moan.

Alpha just watched the scene unfold in front of him, ready to blow his load just by watching her, as she began running her hands over his body. He let his hands fall from her hips and grabbed her roaming hands, worrying if he didn‘t, he‘ll cum then and there, and interwened their fingers again. She opened her eyes again and squeezed his hands as she began to rock her hips in small circles.

He watched in extacy as she moved, willing, oh so willing to bring them to the release they both desired. Her hair framing her like a brilliant halo, an everpresent smile on her lips and the glistening glow of her slightly sweaty skin. She was beginning to experiment with her hips, rolling them this or that way, to see what kind of reaction she could get from Alpha as he lied there beneath her, growling and moaning at every change.

Eventually, Alpha couldn‘t take it anymore and growled loudly, roughly grabbed her already bruised hips, planted his feet into the mattress and began pounding into her. At the change of pace, she gave an undignified squeak as she lost her balance and slung her arms around his neck as she now laid on his chest, mewling into his neck as she let him bring them over the edge.

Alpha had already begun his thrusting at a high speed but as they both drew closer to their end, he picked up the pace even more before he felt his release wash over him. He continued pounding up into her, releasing his seed once more and tipping her over the edge as well as she moved her hips in sync to his to ride out their orgasms together.

Both of them were still comming down from their high, breathing hard with a pounding heart, when suddenly, from the fresher, Alpha‘s comlink started beeping.

„Dank Farrick“ his Jedi cursed, for the first time no less and he couldn‘t help but laugh at that. He let his grip on her losen as he rolled them both to the side „I have to get that, been M.I.A. for a bit too long“ he told her with an apologetic smile. She shook her head and grabbed his face, kissing him one more time „I know“.

With that, Alpha rolled out of bed and wandered into the fresher to check his comlink. It was an urgency call, and given the fact that Venom was probably still asleep, and his Jedi technically too, he was the next in command. So he went on to qickly freshen up, and pulled on his still slightly damp and cold blacks before gearing up in record time.

He stepped out of the fresher again, all geared up and grabbed his bucket on the table before wandering over to his Jedi, who was observing him from under the blankets.

„Urgency call?“ she asked, the disapointment written across her face.

„Yeah…“ he was hesitant and just as disapointed, but he knew. He knew it was his own fault for letting himself go down the drain and now he wanted to bang his head against the durasteel walls for it.

She nodded at him, the blanket wrapped all around her and pulled up, right under her nose and her eyes looking to the ground.

Alpha didn‘t have the courage to say anything, what was he supposed to say anyways? Thanks for the fuck? At a loss for words and no courrage in his heart, he decided to do the next best thing and pulled on his bucket, turned on his heel and dragged his feet to her door. He hesitated for a moment at the door, she reached out to him through the force again, filled with endless sadness, and Alpha took this as his cue to get out, vanishing into the corridors of the cruizer to return to his miserable existance.

It has been four days since the events took place and Alpha was currently lying in his cot and trying to sleep. But his efforts amounted to nothing but a hateful stare at the ceiling and a massive hard-on at the memories that have been running through Alpha‘s mind in a perma-loop for the last 4 days. Thanks to some Seppie attack on a close by system, his Jedi was off the cruizer for most of the time and he had yet to cross her path. He did also put in an effort to miss the reports, excusing himself to Venom about some Rookie Training or whatever else came to his mind that would work as a poor excuse. Thankfully, Venom didn‘t press his former instructor about it and just told him, he‘d let the Jedi know.

A chime of his comlink pulled him out of his thoughts and he looked at the flimsy thing, lying on his table as it kept chiming with the threat of an incomming call.

What bastard is pestering me in the middle of the night? he thought, as he begrudgingly got up and wandered over to his table.

Alpha-77 ‚Fordo‘

Alpha moaned when he remembered his weekly call with his fellow Alpha ARC and grabbed the comlink before migrating back to his cot and picking up the call.

„You bastard, you didn‘t call me yesterday, I thought the seppies finally got you only to find out through Fox of all brothers that you‘re still alive and kicking! I almost had a Heart Attack you dikut!“ Alpha waited for his brother to finish his rant, just sighing in resignation every now and then before returning the greeting.

„Well hello to you as well“ he grumbled before Fordo picked up his guilt tripping and gaslighting again.

For a while he kept going but then suddenly he stopped.

„What‘s on your mind, brother?“ he asked, his tone much too serious for Alpha‘s liking. „Gee you sound like you expect me to confess to a murder, who pissed in your coffee?“ he snapped back as he laid back down on his mattress.

„Don‘t try to divert from my question. What‘s going on? You didn‘t send me one com, not even an insult or a picture of whatever ugly ass thing you found, and telling me you named it after me.“

„So naming an ugly ass thing now isnt insulting to you?“ Alpha tried his luck again, sharing his thoughts and feelings certainly wasnt on his to do list.

He could hear a sigh on the other end of the comm „If you don‘t want to tell me that‘s fine, but you should talk about your problems, and even if it‘s to just trauma dump. That Jedi of yours, she seems nice enough, I‘m sure she‘d be more than happy to help ya.“

The comm stayed silent for a while, Alpha could already feel a tension headache forming „That‘s exactly the problem…“ he spoke barely above a whisper, but the disapointment, anger and frustration at the whole ordeal were clear in his voice.

„What did the Jedi do?“ Fordo‘s voice was as sharp as a knife „She has a name, you know..“ Alpha replied, more tired than angry now „and she didn‘t do anything.. well kinda... argh… it‘s not her fault either way though.“

And so he began his story telling. From the planned aid, to the garden, the talk with Venom at his return, and everything from the moment he stepped into her room to the moment he left, though he kept that part as vague as possible.

„You had sex with her?“ Fordo finally asked when all was said and Alpha couldn‘t help but sight for what felt like the 100th time. „Yes, I had sex with her…“ he replied dejected „Then why do you sound so depressed, shouldn‘t you be leaping around like a baby tooka in joy? I mean you fucked the woman of your dreams.“ Alpha felt like he could see Fordo‘s smug look through the force and groaned, „She‘s not my drea-„ he cut himself off, electing to not argue with his brother and instead focus on the cause of his sour mood. „The pollen, you bastard“ he finally said irritated.

„She was high on an aphrodisiac pollen and just needed someone to fuck it out of her system, that‘s all..“ Alpha was bitter and angry, not at her, it wasn‘t her fault, but at himself and the universe for playing such a cruel game with him.

„There was no real emotion involved, just…sex“ his statement came out much more quiet, but he didnt have the energy to argue anymore. „How do you know?“ Fordo asked, but Alpha could only sigh again in irritation.

„When we were done and I was about to walk out the door, she.. felt sad.“

„And you know this becauseee……?“

„Force bond thingy, don‘t ask, I got no clue… Only that she can convey her feelings to me through the force or whatever“

„Involuntarily?“

„no, only voluntary… I think.“

The com stayed quiet for a moment before Fordo spoke again. „And you don‘t think she purpousefully conveyed to you that she was sad because you were leaving?“

Alpha‘s reply was quick and very harsh, „Why should she?“

Another sigh came from his com „You bastard just told me she looked at you with twinkle stars in her eyes before you fucked her brains out, for being one of the best, you sure are dumb as shit right now.“

Fordo always had a way of getting through to Alpha with harsh words and insults but right now he was about ready to rip his brother‘s head clean off.

„Because, as I just told you, she was high as fuck!“ he finally snapped at Fordo, „And not because of my dick!“

„Well then if you check the bloody plant‘s affects, you‘ll have your force damned answer!“ Fordo snapped back at him with the same harsh tone „Grow a damn pair since you clearly lost your old one then talk to her about this and stop bitching around!“ and with that Fordo hung up on him, before he could get out another word.

Alpha was a bit dumbfounded at his brother‘s outburst and too damn proud to admit that he had a good point, nonetheless he followed up on the topic.

It didnt take Alpha too long before he found what he was looking for. The description of blue sex pollen was rather striking, even in a galaxy as strange as theirs. As he read through the effects of the plant he was pretty surprised with what he found.

Not only were the effects only there for a brief time, about 4 hours at most, but the pollen did not cause any emotional change towards any partner. Alpha was still in the middle of the Holo entry when he got an alert to his comlink and so he proceeded to get ready, projecting the site onto his HUD. He continued going through the document as he made his way down the halls and after finishing his read, started reconstructing the events of that day. By all accounts, she must‘ve been in the 4th hour of contact with the pollen, so the effects were minimal. But Alpha couldnt believe that, given how genuinely in pain she was.

The intensity of the reaction might vary, according to the person‘s body weight. Those of lower weight might experience greater effects than those of a higher weight. The duration does not change much, however, usually lasting up to 4 hours.

„Well I‘ll be damned..“ Alpha muttered to himself. This revelation put the whole ordeal in an entirely new light, one in his favor. But still, his cynical mind did not allow him any resolve. At the end of the day, she‘s still a Jedi and on top of that I probably fucked up, considering I avoided her like the pague.

With a heavy sigh, Alpha reached his destination and opened the door to the central command room.

The first thing he noticed was her and his heart stopped beating, before resuming so frantically. She stood with her back to him, wearing her normal white flowy attire with her hair in a lose braid falling down her back. Venom stood next to her, bucket still on but even so, Alpha could feel the perplexed look on his protegee‘s face at his appearance. Truth be told, Alpha didn‘t even check the list of present officers, too engrossed in his search for information.

He didn‘t feel as on edge as he thought he would, especially with the revelations of the past 30 minutes. He walked into the room, taking his spot next to his Jedi as she was still discussing the ongoing rebuilding efforts with her council. Alpha didn‘t pay much mind to it all either, still reading through the paper for a second time now, worried the words might‘ve changed in the last 20 seconds he didnt look at them, but of course they were still the same, not much interested in changing at all.

As the meeting dragged on, Alpha did not speak one word and just kept his post, standing next to his Jedi. Eventually a HUD chat from Venom popped up.

Didn‘t expect you to show up.

Thought you finally bit the dust.

A small smile threatened to tug at his lips as he read the message.

Why, so you can snag my secret stash of correllian whiskey?

A reply came a few seconds later

That and your leather chair >:)

Alpha snorted and shook his head a bit.

Good to have you back, old man.

This time the smile stayed on his lips as he thought about how much he did not miss these useless meetings, where he served no other purpouse than being a pretty little wall decoration to his Jedi. Not that he minded the last part though…

Eventually the meeting came to a close and his Jedi closed the holo projection, dismissed all present officers before turning to Alpha.

He steeled himself to be met with a sour or angly look, maybe that cold stare she always uses to scare any politicians into doing whatever she wanted but there was none of that.

She immediately looked at him, at first wearing that unreadable expression, before it morphed into a gentle smile.

„Commander, you are dismissed. I am sure you must be tired after yesterday‘s battle.“ Venom nodded at her words and turned on his heel, presumibly to get his much needed sleep.

Suddenly Alpha felt his nerves go blank. He was alone with her now, he won‘t be able to get out if this one, well he could, but he shouldn‘t. At this point, Alpha felt too curious about the whole ordeal and wanted answers. If he dealt with it now, it was done and over and he could move on with his life.

„I seem to have forgotten to eat my breakfast this morning, would you accompany me to the mess hall?“ her question was innocent enough and he supposed he‘d be able to survive the short walk to the mess hall with her, so he nodded and trudged out of the central command room after her.

As per usual, she seemingly floated down the corridor at a leisurely pace, at first not speaking a word. But when they turned into a more quiet corridor, she stopped, sighed before taking a deep breath and turned to look at him. The look of sheer determination shown on her face would‘ve send Alpha into a doting frienzy if it weren‘t for his own fried nerves, and boy was he glad to have been wearing his bucket at that very moment.

For a moment they just stood there, facing eachother and no words spoken. Then, all the determination seemed to wash off of her face, replaced by anger and she cast her gaze to the side with an angry huff.

„If I would have known how much suffering I‘d have caused you, I would have never asked for your help, Alpha“ but despite the angry glare, her voice was soft and sad. „I am so sorry“

Alpha was stunned. In all the possible scenarios that ran through his mind, this one was not amongst them. But it was clear to him now where she got the idea from, and why she kept giving him a way out.

„You didn‘t cause me any suffering“ it sounded way too harsh, almost passive agressive and his brain went into overdrive to find a way out of this mess.

„I mean.. yes you kind of did but..“ Kiffin‘ hell, way to go, you dikut. Her face remained downcast but he could still see her emotions wash over her face and as he spoke his last sentence, he could make out panic. Not the same as she held in her eyes that night, no. This kind was more profound, more damaging.

„No wait! I didnt- I just-“ before he could build a coherent sentence though, he had already yanked off his bucket, letting it fall carelessly to the ground and took the three strides to be standing right in front of her. Her eyes had jumped up at the sound of his clattering helmet and the heavy footsteps, looking at the man in front of her now, as he lifted his hands, ready to grasp her arms, but at the last moment he stopped, clenched his fists and lowered them to his sides again.

His Jedi seemingly resigned to staying quiet and letting him talk first, so he did, or tried at least.

„I dont regret what happened“ Alpha began, speaking his words slowly and clearly, „and I would do it again in a heartbeat if you asked me“ he realized just after he spoke his words how they could be percieved but hey, he was already going down, might as well commit to this nightmare and finally added„for any reason.“

When she didnt react and just kept staring at him with her big doe eyes, he decided to give it all the last push.

„The only suffering I felt was caused by my own wishful thinking. Not any action you took, just my wishful interpretation of it. And that is no one else‘s fault but my own.“

But still, she did not speak, did not move, and Alpha worried she might‘ve also stopped breathing alltogether. When she still did not react in any way after what felt like centuries, he cast his gaze down, closing his eyes and tensed before taking a deep breath.

This was it, it‘s all over now, you‘ll be going back to kamino and get decomissioned. It‘s high time anyways, you lived ling beyond your expiration date, old man.

„What wishes were you thinking of?“ her voice was barely ringing through all of his ten thousand racing thoughts but it all quieted down when he heard the words. A small glimmer of hope rose in him but again, his mind squashed it and all the little ambers around it. Still, his heart yearned for one answer.

„Did it mean anything to you?“ he almost regretted his words but her answer came faster than his regret.

„Yes.“ the word was barely a whisper.

He wanted to tear his eyes open and look at hers but he coudn‘t bring himself to do so. Still, maybe if he got more answers he would find his courrage again.

„Do I mean anything to you?“

He felt her hands grab his as she spoke her next words

„A lot more than you can immagine“

This time he dared opening his eyes. She was still looking at him, but the blank stare was replaced with a soft smile and that adoring look she wore once before in her eyes. Alpha felt himself regaining his courrage so he asked his last question.

„I looked up the pollen, were you ever even…“ but he didnt finish his sentence, as he saw how a smile threatened to take over on her face.

„At first, yes… but later…“ she trailed off, not finishing her sentence, as he smiled at her a bit unsure. At that she grinned at him before biting her lower lip and stealing a glance at his lips. Alpha took the hint and started to lean down but before their lips could meet, her comlink chimed.

„General, there is an emergency on the bridge, please report!“ the cracked voice of their Admiral rang through the abandoned corridor and they distanced themselves from each other. She let go of his hands before reaching out and pulling his helmet to her with the force. She took a good look at it, tracing over some scratches and dents before pushing it back to Alpha, smiled at him one more time and then turned to leave.

before she vanished though the doorway she stopped briefly and turned around, „Captain“ she called for his attention and he turned to look at her „Please let me know should you ever fall into a riovilian Aphrodisiac flower so that I can return the favor, yes?“

Alpha saw the playful glimmer in her eyes and nodded his head with a smile as he watched her dash away.

THE END FUCK YES

[writingmoth]

finger painting and creative for either

Finger Painting: share a small snippet from your earliest work (or the earliest that you can get back to). How would you rewrite it today? Either share the rewrite itself or just describe how you'd do it.

god 😭i can't share my oldest work because it's in portuguese (and i may have lost it... currently looking for it, but welp, i can't find it) but my first work in english was a wip nicknamed #aroaceprincess (i used to post about it mostly on twitter) and later titled Queen of Hearts. i wrote like, two drafts for it, then shelved it bc i just couldn't bear to look at it anymore. here's a snippet from its third chapter:

He snorts. “What about the office jobs isn’t easy?” “…But you shouldn’t blame yourself or to feel ashamed for something that is out of your control,” she finishes as if he has not said anything. He can’t blame her; he is being an asshole and they all know it. “We will help you. We are your friends. And your team.” I don’t want any help, he almost snarls, but he bites back the words and looks away from them. He has been waiting, wary, for them to leave, to give up on him, since what had happened six months ago. Maybe he has tried to push them away too, just a little, when things are just too much and he can’t deal with them in a way that doesn’t involve being completely and utterly alone. But they haven’t left, not even when Isabel did. But the small voice in his head shrieks in frustration and shame, and Rafael is far too gone to not listen to it. “I won’t need any help. You three, though, will.” He jabs a finger at Fernando’s chest, but the bastard doesn’t even blink, you are not fooling me written all over his stupid face. “I’d appoint you as the new scout leader since I let the old one die screaming, but I’m giving my post as the leader of the squadron to Anabel. If you behave she will choose you. Probably. Also, Anabel, congratulations.” They watch him in silence. Emília’s shoulders slump. “Rafael,” she says softly. “Don’t be like this.”

this was written in 2017, i think? it's from the second draft because the first draft has disappeared into the ether at this point. i don't think there is anything inherently wrong about it, but it doesn't fit my style much anymore. or at least the style i'm aiming for lol. rafael is far too aware of his own thought process here and that wasn't intentional. i just wanted the reader to know something about him, so i straight up told the reader about it 🤷 if i tried writing it today, i'd try to make all of his feelings more obvious in the narrative itself instead of pausing everything to have him think about what he is feeling, if that makes sense? i'm a big fan of letting the readers reach their own conclusions about how a character thinks by molding the writing in a way that makes it more clear (main reason i tend to dislike first person - it feels too self aware).

Creative!: free space! share something you've been dying to share about your writing! Could be an OC that never gets the limelight, a moment you were proud of, or anything else you'd like to share

it's so hard to choose one thing. but.... vespertine!!!!!!!

this is a sketch i made of them back in 2020 so its not accurate but vespertine is my most recent obsession in the world of antisnowwhite and fantasy romance wip. they have godzilla energy. think force of nature. very silent until they are not. they are blind (most recent iteration quite literally has no eyes (anymore) but i'm not sure if it will stay that way) and very, VERY angry.

who knows when i will get to write them tho 😭 i can imagine them showing up halfway through the antisnowwhite series but since i have no clue of how long antisnowwhite is going to be that doesn't help much. they live in my head rent free though.

i will mention them in fantasy romance wip, but not by name so it probably won't be obvious who they are. i'm excited to get to write that at least.

thank you so much for the ask!!

[liketwoswansinbalance]

"Simony" Analysis and Trivia

If anyone’s interested, this is just a look behind the curtain of my thought process surrounding “Simony,” my speculative, Fall prediction fic. Except, it takes place during Rise, if an alternate series of events were to occur. I would suggest reading my fic before reading this post if you haven't, so you aren’t confused.

⸻

Rhian looked ethereal in the light, like a spirit. - Foreshadowing his death.

The walls behind him looked more the pure white of sugar glass, with distortions and cracks. - Imagery to represent Good’s and Rhian’s corruption.

There’s a lot of light-and-dark, black-and-white, shadow-and-sun imagery. This was intentional because I wanted a literal Halo Effect to apply to Rhian as people who are attractive are often judged as more innocent and honorable. At the same time, he’s also being backlit, so a shadow is cast on his face, to signify his turn. Additionally, when I described him from Rafal’s perspective across the room, I not only wanted to emphasize attractiveness but light that could burn out your corneas, if given the chance. Hence, how Rafal would react to the glaring light. He’d probably squint, or not be able to look at it head on. I also have in mind how when you narrow your eyes at light, you tend to see alternating flashes of red and black in your field of vision. So, that could also extend to literally “seeing red,” conveying anger.

Rafal’s figurative “death” of the soul is by burning alive. I repeatedly used the word burn and the adjacent imagery to signify this. This idea is also associated with the persecution of Evil in the tales through burning witches on pyres.

Rhian’s death is by “drowning,” in a way. He may have choked on his own blood, or I’d prefer the interpretation of Rafal’s fatal blow to the heart ending his life, to serve symbolism around matters of the heart. Rhian’s own figurative heart could have proven fatal one day, if he fell in love with someone worse. Even Vulcan was about to kill him. Also, drowning is the same fate Rafal would have had if he had lost to James Hook in the sea.

When Rafal says: “Where’s your right hand?” I originally intended for it to just be a way to ask Rhian: “Where’s your second-in-command (meaning: Dean Hook)?” The phrase right hand would have been interchangeable with any synonym. Though coincidentally, I discovered that this was an unintentionally fitting choice of words. The original Captain Hook’s right hand in Peter and Wendy was replaced by a hook, so Rhian’s figurative “right hand” has been replaced by a Hook, James Hook.

Rafal felt like he’d been impaled. - A reference to Rafal’s sacrifice in Rise.

“I fix everything.” Rafal berated. “And then what? Do I get any credit? I don’t care whether I do.” - I let Rafal be a hypocrite here because it humanizes him. (Rhian gets his hypocritical moment in the sun later. It’s meant to showcase that they’re both in the wrong.) I think it shows how skewed his perspective has become, maybe, ’cause he does want recognition? But anyway, Rafal is far gone, too steeped in his pride (and his probable superiority complex) as compared to canon Rafal.

Do you want your subordinates to hail and herald you like a martyr, Rhian? - Foreshadowing Rhian’s death, again.

To let rot and turn to dust in the storybooks. - A reference to Rafal’s demise in TLEA.

Approaching smoothly, he loomed over Rhian, and hooked his hand under Rhian’s chin, - A reference to James Hook.

“I almost drowned to know that which you don’t.” He dropped his hand, and Rhian’s head nodded forward like a sodden mass. - Drowning, heavy imagery, and the effects of Rhian's magic-induced paralysis.

Rhian quailed in Rafal’s grip. - Rafal’s bird motif.

Rafal’s suit flickered to black for a moment, burnt and blackened, a scorched figure against the white, and Rhian shook his head vaguely, as if to dislodge water. Surely, he was hallucinating. - Another reference to Rafal’s burning-to-ash death in TLEA, foreshadowing Rafal wearing all-black eventually, and drowning imagery.

He was hollow and numb, like an effigy. - A reference to how Rafal’s influence caused Sophie to feel emotionally-numb in TLEA, except this time it's his own soul cooling. Also, burning imagery in the bit about the effigy.

They were a specter of what they’d once been. - Rhian’s ghost foreshadowing.

And then, clarity in denial:

“I'm not Evil—I can't be," Rhian choked.

“And I'm not Good. I wasn’t, even when I had you.” Rafal’s finger burned with a black glow, blotting out the light in the echoing, empty room. He shot a Stun Spell at Rhian.

“I don't want to die.”

Rafal seized one of Rhian’s wrists to keep him from moving. “You’re human, Rhian,” Rafal said as he touched his brother’s face gently. “As in mortal.” He drew a dagger from his side, and held it steady above Rhian’s heart.

Did anyone catch this book 1 reference I alluded to?

This whole section is a backwards version of Agatha and Sophie’s final conversation in book 1 as Sophie dies. If it’s not a callback, then it’s a “call-forward.” First, Sophie gets over her delusions of Goodness and her denial of her Evil, at least partly by the end. Here, Rhian never has the time for that revelation. Agatha tells Sophie that she’s not Evil, she’s human, and brings her back to life. I decided to have Rafal use a spin on the familiar words. To echo them in a more sinister way because he’s paralyzed Rhian, and is about to kill him, not revive him. Thus, the meaning of human was twisted.

“No, Rafal! I forgive you. I love you,” Rhian gasped. - Time for Rhian’s hypocritical moment! He’s trying to follow the Rules (Defend. Forgive. Help. Give. Love.) again in a slapdash way because he’s desperate to bridge the rift between him and Rafal. It’s too little, too late. This was his mistake. And, he’s coming from the wrong angle because he still believes he’s in the right, and that he’s the victim. To be fair, he is now. But, if anything, what Rafal wants is an apology from him. Though, they should both apologize, really.

Rhian’s body splintered into pure, golden light, dissipating in the air. - A reference to Rhian’s soul during the Circus of Talents. Also, it seemed fitting for him to return to magic, being a sorcerer himself.

The burning, bright blue sky - The imagery of Rafal's surroundings is intended to be unsettling because I think most murders take place under dreary, bleak, overcast skies, or any time the weather is poor, for obvious mirroring of the mood. Yet, a pleasant summer sky would make it seem like Rafal’s murder was impact-less, and hopefully, it would hurt him more to see that nothing has changed, except their relationship and his own internal conflict. In fact, probably something had to stay the same to reveal the internal turmoil and the changes to Rafal’s psyche. I just thought it made for a better contrast.

his face had gone white at the black depths of his soul. - Black and white imagery. And, now, Rafal has to play both roles himself, as one School Master ruling both Evers and Nevers without anyone to mediate him. This also acts as a tribute to the swans of the School crest.

His hands were pale, shaking, and blue-veined. - A nod to James Hook’s blue blood.

Once pillars, that stood for Good and Evil. Stable and constant. - I compared the brothers to pillars because I wanted the act of fratricide to feel like an act of seismic effects/proportions, shaking the Woods to its very core, overturning all existing structures and the preconceived notions of Good and Evil.

Also, I tried to mimic the mood/tone in book 1 from that scene where rain washes the glitter out of Sophie’s skin, and Agatha leaves her, taking the umbrella or something. There’s a rift between the two, and Agatha basically refuses to help Sophie anymore until Sophie listens to her, or helps herself.

Love had burned Rafal, every time, like a sorcerer of the New tales, lashed to a stake. - Burning imagery. Foreshadowing to what Rafal believes the new tales will be like because he's secured Evil’s losing streak. Also, a reference to the New Evil regime in TLEA.

Aside from “Fear and Loathing” by MARINA which I thought fit thematically, I think “the last beautiful thing I saw is the thing that blinded me” has visceral imagery that matched the concept of my imagery. Overall, the song is haunting, cinematic, and climatic.

My foot fell upon your grave

Like a pressure point

Hidden beneath the soil

Down came sheets of pouring hail

I sheltered in a church's arch within

From the shards of glass falling so pale

And I look up, and saw the sun

It separated all the colors

And the ice, into my eyes

It fell and left me blind

That was the last thing that I saw:

The fractured glass and its downpour

I felt the blood mix with the water

And I didn't see no more

The white light features here, as well as the ice in the person’s eyes. I connected this to the figurative ice in Rafal’s eyes. Also, the last beautiful sight a person has blinding them could refer to both Rafal’s “death” and Rhian’s death. They both see the other in their final seconds together, and the remnants of their beautiful relationship before Rafal resorts to extremist actions, subscribing to the weird, self-fulfilling, tragic prophecy that he neglected to tell Rhian about.

I was tempted to include more diction with religious connotations altogether, but mostly, I left it at cathedral and martyr. I thought acolytes in place of followers would be unsubtle, and a stretch to be in character with Rafal’s brand of mocking.

I also almost kept a reference to August Sader in how Rafal could have had a thought about how his brother was under his nose this whole time, his nemesis. And, how they were in a fairy tale. Anything could happen in a fairy tale. But, it felt too intentional, like he had a plan, and reasoning to back it up. So, it had to be cut. Rafal’s decision to kill Rhian was meant to be more of a split-second, impulsive one.

[oblivions-arts-culture]

ENVY'S TOP TEN ALBUMS OF 2022 -part 1

No one asked and none of you know who I am but I made SO MANY spreadsheets and lists about this, so!!!!!

10

Wet Leg’s breakout single Chaise Longue could have been their whole legacy, a novelty-adjacent one hit wonder who never captured that magic again. Except they did; and I actually think they did it better on a lot of the tracks on their debut album. The excitement around the Isle of Wight’s premier indie rock act is well warranted, and their debut LP delivers on the promise of their viral hit. The humour never runs dry, the energy persists through to the last note, and the fun never stops. It’s been a long time since a debut album made me so excited for the next one.

10

(yeah I couldn't choose. This is a top 11 xoxox)

It’s hard to pin down exactly what’s so captivating about this album. It’s enchanting on a surface level, a gorgeously written and utterly unique post-rock project filled with alluring idiosyncrasies. But I don’t have words for the beautiful, ethereal something in the heart of the album that keeps me coming back. Maybe I’m entranced by the swirling mix of guitars and brass. Maybe it’s the vivid but abstract tapestry of Isaac Wood’s lyrics, enthralling in their oddness but relatable in a way I don’t know how to describe. Maybe I’m trying too hard to make sense of my love for this album, but we all know snow globes don’t shake on their own.

9

I have very little to add to the discussion of this album, save to add to the chorus of people singing its praises. Though I can understand why Kendrick Lamar’s latest record has been somewhat divisive; it’s certainly not an easy listen, but it’s a deeply rewarding one. The strength of Lamar’s conceptual vision runs like a rich vein throughout, adding a theatrical element to even the musical arrangements that elevates the work without taking away its sting. Lyrically, the album touches on every touchy topic under the sun. It’s challenging, at times deeply uncomfortable, but also truthful, and nuanced in a way that so many attempts to diagnose our age have lacked. He’s also getting bonus points for the best song about Being Trans a cis person has ever written. Same Love by Macklemore this is not.

8

Don’t let the minimalist album cover or the lofi, rough-around-the-edges production fool you: Adrienne Lenneker has fit the entire universe into this double LP. Big Thief step well beyond their comfort zone on this record, and out into the cosmos beyond with swirling, almost shoegazey guitars that blend seamlessly into more straightforward folk and country without missing a beat. This is an album about finding the small, mundane joys in life, and filling them with love until they expand into the celestial. But in spite of the grand scope, the album art still sells the vibe; it’s the whole universe, but it’s about the view of it all from beside a warm campfire, surrounded by friends. It’s sweet, it’s heart-wrenching, it’s at times bizarre, and it’s in a league all of its own.

7

If Big Thief takes the beauty of the mundane and makes it celestial, Friendship has chosen to preserve the mundanity in its retelling. That may sound like a criticism – and certainly more cynical listeners may write the album off as boring – but I promise you it isn’t. Appreciating the little things is not always about finding a life-affirming revelation in every cup of coffee. Sometimes it’s about taking things as they are, no matter how boring or unglamorous. There’s something deeply comforting about Friendship’s expression of this reality through stark, alt-country instrumentation and the blue-collar emotional truths in the blunt imagery of their lyricism. As the year went on I found myself returning more and more to this album’s down-to-earth roots.

6

From the year’s least-flashy album to perhaps the year’s boldest stylistic statement. The quality and creativity of the production alone on Death’s Dynamic Shroud’s latest LP would have been enough to land Darklife a spot on this list; there really is nothing like the sound of this sprawling tapestry of experimental electronica. But what keeps me coming back is the strength of the songwriting that production is draped around; each track is its own world, with multiple ideas bouncing off of each other in ways that at times sew mesmerising chaos and in others offer striking, impossible moments of cathartic clarity. This is an LP that is begging to be experienced as an LP, a project even grander than the sum of its parts. If you want just a taste though, Judgment Bolt is the year’s biggest banger.

[happilyghostlyarie]

Hello me.

I see the term agender used to describe a sense of self that doesn't want to be seen, but I do want to be seen, oh so desperately. I want everyone that looks at me to know who it is that they're looking at. I want my intentions and intent to be communicated wholly without having to say a thing. I want to be perceived and it is scary. One of the first things that started me on my gender deconstruction journey was the words; "You are an experience" I am an experience and I want everyone to witness that. I hate the expectations that are laid on me. I hate wanting to live up to those expectations. To try and fit into any of my labels. Aromantic. Asexual. Agender. Autistic. I find myself trying my best to fit just right into these labels and I feel such an all-consuming Joy when I seem to do that just right. I use these words not for myself but to reach community. They fit the most but they aren't me. They could never capture my person. After all, I am an experience. I want to be beautiful. To be seen as beautiful. To be beheld. To be ethereal. To be awe-inspiring. My relationship with fiction might be my relationship with myself. How is reality any more real than what's in my head? I love my labels because I think I enjoy being unique. I enjoy being new and unexpected and weird and unknown because, with all my desire to want to be seen, I don't think I'll ever be known. I think my fictional relationships with people are just as meaningful as my real ones. In all my fantasies I am beheld. I enjoy the idolization. I enjoy people loving me even if I may not love them. I think I want to be an Idol, yet I want to be a human. Relatable to those who feel just as odd and unexplainable. I never know if my words do me justice. I know that I am performing. I am always performing even in my most private moments. Sometimes that is scary, sometimes it is comfortingly familiar. My feelings about nearly everything change constantly. I want to look at myself and feel right. Sometimes I look at myself and it feels more like someone else is looking at her. She's so pretty. I don't know what I want this body to be. I wish I could try on other bodies to see if I'll be in one and feel like I'm me. I feel like myself when I am alone without mirrors. Who do I hope to be? I wonder how people feel like themselves and know themselves. How are your thoughts and your actions yours? How does that work? A body and mind that belong to me is such a foreign concept. My happiness feels like a fluff chapter of a book. My sadness feels only escapable by having never existed in the first place. I feel uncomfortable.

[theoddshq]

DESDEMONA HERION (joy sunday fc) the odds are in your favor! Please report to your nearest Capitol Agent to be prepped for the 74th Annual Hunger Games!

ooc

Alias/Age/Pronouns/Timezone: nikki/26/she/her/central

Triggers: [REDACTED]

If you had to describe your muse as a canon Hunger Games character, or mix, who would you compare them to and why? She’s like…. Cinna sun, Effie moon, Cesar Flickerman rising. Simply Capitol through and through; like Effie and Cesar I think she really loves the show of it all, but there’s a twinge that it doesn’t feel right a la Cinna.

Anything else? I hope I get accepted!!!

basics

[JOY SUNDAY, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER] The 74th Annual Hunger Games are upon us and here comes DESDEMONA HERION, a DISTRICT 4 STYLIST. Word around The Capitol is that they’re ETHEREAL and INTELLECTUAL but can also be SHALLOW and HEDONISTIC. According to sources, they’re 23 and were once described as incessant whispers in the back of the room, risky fashion and safe politics, tongue swollen from biting it, drowning out the noise with a little help. What a character! As we always say, may the odds be ever in their favor!

biography

Fifty years ago, Orson Herion defied all odds and emerged from the 24th Hunger Games victorious. It was rare for a tribute from District 11, but Orson’s knowledge of the land and propensity to keep his head down and work hard paid off. By the time he’d married and had children and grandchildren, Orson’s story was veiled with the mist of the past– told only in increments at the end of holiday meals or at speaking engagements at the Academy (only, Orson said, when they couldn’t get a more impressive Victor to speak). 

Victory Village was lonely, and Orson didn’t fit in at home anymore. He hated the eyes on him and he hated sitting around while everyone he grew up with worked the land day after day, so he relocated permanently to the Capitol after the 27th Hunger Games. As a mentor, he was caring and kind but ultimately not helpful strategically. However, he made up for this with his down-to-earth charm; Orson attracted several high-paying sponsors with his gentle spirit and authenticity, and for the first time District 11 had a fighting chance for several years in a row. 

One of those sponsors had a daughter of marrying age, and after a quick courtship, Orson and Yorke were married. Yorke was a new beginning for him, a true embracing of the Capitol lifestyle. In many ways, she coached him and helped him overcome his image as the simple farmer from District 11. In a few short years, Orson Herion became well-respected, a friend to the high and mighty. He was a beacon of light, proof that the games worked. 

Orson and Yorke were blessed with a son a few years later, a brilliant baby boy they named Phineas Herion. He took after his mother in the way he could captivate a room with his retellings of mythologies and Panem history, or quiet a crowd with his skilled lyre-playing. His parents and tutors had high hopes for him, and Phineas would go on to achieve all of them. He attended the Academy and excelled in rhetoric studies, which put Phineas on direct path to become a political speechwriter. He married one of his classmates, Wimberly, and moved out of his parents’ estate. By time Phineas was twenty-five, he had everything: a respectable home, a beautiful wife, and his dream job. By forty, the Herions had three young children– but more importantly, Phineas had gained the trust of one Calpurnius Copperhead and become the venerable Senior Speechwriter for the President.

Desdemona was the oldest of the three, with the twins Moor and Emilia three years her junior. Growing up in the Capitol, luxury, showmanship, and excess were each as natural as breathing. Desdemona thrived under the Capitol’s care, well-read enough to say the right thing at any time, likeable enough to befriend anyone, and, most importantly, stylish enough to put her own twist on things. She knew what was expected of her– of everyone around her, really– excel at everything you do, find your perfect match and be important. 

For a time, she thought Oslo Copperhead would be her match. They’d grown up together and were practically attached at the hip– but everything made a lot more sense when he realized he liked boys instead. Still, she views Oslo as her platonic soulmate; Even if she didn’t fully understand the pressures he was under, Des was the closest he’d get. She’d never be expected to lead Panem, sure, but the burden of the Herion name was heavy in its own way. 

The parties were Des’ saving grace. Even before it was considered proper for Desdemona to make an appearance at the late-night clubs, she had a hand in them. Upperclassmen and young women with a keen eye for style came to her day in and day out for custom outfits or finishing details. On days when Grandfather looked a little too forlorn– usually around the Reaping– or days when Father reminded Des that he’d gotten his dream job and his dream partner so young, Desdemona lost herself in the clothes. She could’ve been content working as an independent stylist, putting together looks for the Capitol elite, but there were already so many. She’d disparage her Grandfather’s name, her Father’s sacrifice by settling for mediocrity. So there was only one place to go– the Games.

There were always openings in the outer districts– stylists looking to move up to 1 or 2 or 4, to work with tributes who had a fighting chance at success– but working in a place like District 12 would’ve been social suicide, so Des waited. She hovered around Oslo’s station as District 1 Escort and gleaned as much as she could– learned the sponsors and the history of the Games and watched, over and over, as Oslo lost tributes. It wore on him in ways Desdemona couldn’t comprehend, made his once-soft edges into something akin to sandpaper, but her eagerness to please blinded her to the reality.

In a sick way, the District 4 stylist’s undoing was Desdemona’s big break. The stylist, Wren, had been sure that Amoreena Prime was a shoe-in two years ago– he made her a beautiful display of netting and diamond seacreatures that, rumor has it, he hand painted with jewels. When she died on day six, everyone could tell he’d checked out. He lasted another round before announcing his retirement, which was essentially admitting defeat. He would resign to styling a few big names in the Capitol before he would fade out of the collective memory.

Thanks to a word from Oslo– which Desdemona had to beg for– Des was a shoe-in for the District 4 slot. She’s aching to prove herself, to continue the bright spot of her Grandfather’s legacy, and she’s hopeful that she’ll be a household name by the end of the 74th Hunger Games.

writing sample

[REDACTED]

stats

Deceive - 1Fight - 1Lore (knowledge) - 2Notice - 2Physique - 1Provoke - 2Rapport - 3Resourcefulness - 2Stealth - 3Will - 2

extras

PINCHREST | SPOTIFY

[queen-of-midnights]

Dreamer of light

Masterlist

Word count: 1k

Chapter 8

"Training"

I had an interesting early morning, to say the least, as I woke up with none other than Morrigan on my doorstep, a pile of leathers in hands, trying to pass off as friendly, so I took up her offer on trying all of them on. Maybe she isn't so bad.

"So how are you dealing with it all? Your sisters, they..." she averted her gaze while I analyzed the outfits, mostly trying not to sound offensive when she describes them. Understandable.

"Are having a terrible time with it, indeed. But it was expected. It's unlike anything you may experience, I find out so many new things about myself, some worse than others. And then there is a matter of my new 'position' which is more than weird." She smiled sadly, reaching out a hand and placed it on my arm in support.

"Well, you can expect that given that you and your sister took parts of the Cauldron with you. And the fact that you nearly destroyed it is.. unbelievable. "She looked at me as if I cut the world apart and then sew it back together, amazement shone across her delicate features.

"So it's still standing?" I ask as I go to change, finding a white pair of leathers that I liked.

"From intel, yes." Morrigan sounded shaken, that meeting really gave her a good scare, it seems.

The leathers fit me like a glove, the white giving me the same comfort it did on the Mortal Lands. Thankfully that did not change. I take a moment for the first time since I became Fae to take in my features in, pointed ears, my brown hair had a strange kind of glow, the tattoos on my arms also shone quite brightly, although now they were covered, my features were more perfected and despite the fact that my limbs were slightly longer, that did not change my slightly more curved figure. I still find myself sometimes in small things.

My wings also looked completely ethereal, they somehow didn't get stuck while putting on the costume.

I sense Morrigan's worry from the time I spent alone confined in the bathroom with no word, so I sighed and got out, continuing the conversation.

"Unfortunate thing. I have to finish the job now. Again." She simply stared at me, her eyes giving dome sort of shine.

"You look.. wow." I giggle, so this is what left her speechless, huh?

"I also like it, a lot." She shot up, looking excited.

"You should wear it, then. Oh, I have so many ideas for dresses, we must go shopping!" Maybe we can become friends.

"I would love that, Mor. Thank you." She smiled and hugged me, leaving while reminding me that I am expected to be on the rooftop in 15 minutes, so I decided that I was also going to tale my leave not long after her.

The house led me to the roof easily, as I was yet to get used to my surroundings. There was no one there yet so I went along and sat in the middle of the fighting ring. Spreading my wings, feeling the coolness of the early morning air, feeling the sparks of life and energy led by the cool wind.

I felt at peace.

Then I heard multiple gasps and I turned to found my friends and sisters all wearing on surprised expressions. When Feyre saw the confusion on my face, she spoke.

"Look around you, Sienna." And then I saw them, the same energies I felt could now be seen, resembling shards of light. Now I understood their reaction. It was mesmerizing.

Slowly I took my concentration off of them and saw them turn into mist. With their departure, quietness settled in. But I could feel that one person was not entirely content, turning around to see Rhys' frown lessen trying to force a smile.

I dislike his pride, and I believed through and through that we could get along. Now I am seriously doubtful.

I had no time left to think about it as Cassian laughed loudly before picking me up and spinning me around, making me giggle in return.

"You're ready for training, little one?" He put me down gently while smiling widely.

"I believe so." At that Feyre put a hand on my shoulder, fake whispering.

"Sadly you won't say that after the actual training." And with that we began.

It is quite unfortunate that Feyre was right, training was extremely difficult, especially when I was not particularly athletic.

Warm ups were decent, mostly because they were meant for beginners. But after, when we worked on my back muscles, especially those of my wings, I can wholeheartedly admit that I have not felt such pain in a while.

"Have you had the instinct to take flight ever since you got them?" I nodded.

"Every single day. Why do you think I pick forests as my place for my walks?" He grinned.

"Smart choice." He patted me on the back as I winced, my muscles already sore. He gave me an apologetic look.

"Seems we'll have to leave that for another day. Go and fresh up, Amren is waiting for you. You'll need your luck then." He seemed pained only by the thought, which was understandable as they had no idea about the likes of us, although they still see me as the little sister. All but one.

"Unfortunately, I don't believe in luck. Thanks for everything, Cass." He hummed, turning back to his own devices.

With that, I left for my room, ever muscle in my body sore, I basically had to drag myself to the bath, which was already filled with water and flower petals, as well as scents, lilac, rain and sea salt.

The warmth was all I needed, although, I had one thought in mind, how in the world would I dry up my wings to not look like a disheveled duck?

[quaissants]

THE COMPANY    ୨୧    LEE HEESEUNG

purpose slowly learning what i want for myself and the world ・ gender neutral reader + word count 862 genre comfort .. fluff .. college au warnings allusion to short-term friendships .. mention of impersonations .. past prejudice ifykyk — back to the drawing board

you’re just about used to being alone.

well aware you’d get raised brows if you ever said it aloud, you keep it to yourself. because only those who look between the lines truly know the stark difference between it and its relative—loneliness. and you just so happen to frequently fall under the latter.

it’s not that bad, really. the journey home may be longer than your acquaintances’, but they’ll never hear a complaint from you. why would they? you’ve got the starter pack for a lone commuter:

sturdy shoes that no longer pick a fight with your barely healed heels

a playlist curated to be an energizer, “complemented” by advertisements every once in three tracks (the burdens of being a free user)

cute earbuds that only earn such title because their runtime is longer than your friendships

the thing is you’re a multitasker—maybe not the most graceful, given how many times you’ve almost dropped one or things (self included)—but a multitasker nonetheless. it’s just such a curious thing; observing others wading through the motions of life with their own methods while you skim through yours.

but then there’s that cute guy donning your campus neighbour’s id lace. sat on the bench next to the guard’s post, he’s fit so snug in his cream toned sweater and black pants. then you notice his doe-eyed gaze shifting to the main entrance to your campus before tilting down to his phone screen again?

he’s quite the surprising sight.

“heeseung, what are you doing here?”

it’s hard to ignore the big tumbles your stomach takes when he responds with that smile—the one where the corners of his lips reach so high that his eyes transform into crescent moons. you wouldn’t be surprised if he said that he was carved from the beautiful.. whatever the orbiting sphere is classified as, for even beneath the sweltering sunlight, he possesses the same ethereal glow. no rose tinted glasses are needed to see it seeping through the gaps of his tender heart.

as he rises from the seat, his lithe fingers adjust the strap of his bag. ain’t it just a little too obvious now who he was here for? the interested glance casted by the security guard certainly backs it up.

“well psych research methods was canceled last minute, and i know your schedule too well now that i know you’d be heading home by this time.” he’s kind too—just a little bit like you. “so i’m gonna accompany you. that is, if you don’t mind me tagging along.”

“i mean,” of course your initial answer is.. “are you sure? you live farther from campus than i do, won’t you get tired?”

ain’t that ironic coming from you, the person who always gives despite not receiving anything in return? heeseung seems to think of it as such, for he reacts with the dulcet tune called his laughter—a short version for this time.

“‘doesn’t matter to me. i mean, a text would already suffice. but what if someone gets ahold of your phone and pretends to be you to pull me into whole horror storyline where i have a fifty-fifty chance of making it out as the final girl? not that they’d succeed in tricking me because they won’t be able to nail your texting style. still, i’d rather make sure myself that you get home safely.”

heeseung truly is.. so much. he’s worth more than the words you’ve already gathered to describe him. so for once, you choose not to rely on your strength, but try to improve your weakness—hold his hand and squeeze it twice.

it’s a language only the two of you know. and maybe that’s how it’ll be for years to come. it just feels so much more special; feeling him squeeze your hand thrice. because that’s how he lets you know that it’s you are no problem to him.

with all but one starter items shared between the two of you—as lovely as he is for volunteering several times, you’re adamant on not letting heeseung suffer in your standardized shoes—you find yourself heading home with a pair of entwined pinkies and hearts. your smile’s not as artificial as it’s used to, for your lover’s anecdotes are enough to keep such a pretty expression on your face.

you still stand by your belief—being alone isn’t always such a bad thing. at the same time, neither is indulging in being together with the guy who tumbled into your life with almost nothing but a curiosity about the fellow college student who’d sit alone in the food court on saturdays mornings. he’d wonder what about that little orange notebook that has them so immersed in its pages, only to learn sooner than he expected of the world you’d been scribbling upon those once blank spaces.

as for your perspective, you’d thought of him as a wolf who’d lure you in his trap by coating everything with milk and honey. but now you know him as the darling who, if you could, want to gift the universe.

little do you know, you already have. you just have yet to see yourself the way he does.

🎐 .. @stealanity @strxwberry-skiess + send an ask to be added!

QUAISSANTS, 2024. do not steal or else i will bite.

[sara-scribbles]

Flower Crowns

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland Malleus Draconia/GN!Reader Word Count: 795 Note: I have recently got into the game when it released in EN. It's a lot of fun and I like a lot of the characters. I may have looked into more information as I'm waiting for the rest of chapter 3 to arrive. Warnings: None

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After meeting for a few months with Tsunotarou, as you and Grim had dubbed him, you had fallen into a rhythm of sorts. Three nights a week you would sneak out once Grim fell asleep, which was often very quickly, and hangout behind the dorm. Oftentimes it was just a quiet night of watching the stars and listening to the nocturnal animals. Sometimes you would tell him about your day or rant about your frustrations. He was a good listener and never seemed bored that you were the only one speaking.

The times he did talk, Tsunotarou would describe a new gargoyle he had found or some anecdote about his day. He still kept things vague enough that you couldn’t tell much. You had already figured out which house he belonged to, but still hadn’t found out who he was exactly. With the many students in Diasomina, it was possible to never have a class with him. Yet, you didn’t worry too much about who he was. You enjoyed his company and he yours. It was nice to have someone to talk to who didn’t cause you stress like a certain cat and duo.

Tonight was no different except for the basket of daisies you carried. Seeing your horned friend, you beamed widely as you showed him your basket. “Professor Crewel was going to throw them out because they were the wrong kind, but I asked if I could have them,” you explained excitedly. “I thought we could make daisy crowns.”

He eyed the basket of small white flowers with curiosity. “I’ve never made daisy crowns before. Will you teach me?”

“Of course!” You did your best to show him how to weave the stems together while being careful not to break them. You tried to explain though he found it hard to grip the small flowers without snapping the stems.

He gingerly held a flower between two fingers as his brows drew together in concentration. “This is a lot harder without magic.”

Chuckling, you carefully linked your flowers together. “I’m sure magic comes in very handy. Still there’s nothing like making something with your own hands I think.”

He frowned when the daisies he had twined together fell apart. “Hmm…” He glanced over at your work. “You are quite talented, child of man,” he murmured in awe.

“I’ve had a lot of practice. I used to make these for the kids I would look after. They always found it a lot of fun.” You smiled wistfully as you completed the crown. “Ta-da!” You plopped the crown on your head.

Tsunotarou chuckled, his eyes glimmered with amusement. “I still have much to do,” he said, gesturing to his unfinished piece. “The flowers suit you.”

You warmed at the compliment. “Thanks…”

As he went back to work, you took the crown off and started remaking it. Every so often you would peek over at him before going back to work. The silence was comfortable and filled with the buzz of the night life. Overhead the full moon illuminated the area, making everything seem almost dream-like.

Finally, he seemed to finish. He held out the crown that was very crooked and a few petals on some of the daisies had fallen off. “It’s not as nice as yours.” He frowned as he scrutinized his work.

“It’s not bad for the first time,” you commented. “Here I made this a little bigger.” You held out your reworked crown. “I tried to make it big enough so it’ll fit over your horns.”

His mouth opened silently before he smiled. “Thank you. Would you like to put it on me?”

“S-sure.” Standing, you carefully leaned closer to him. Hands slightly shaking, you slipped the crown over his horns and on to his head. Stepping back you observed your handiwork. “You look…look very ethereal.” You felt your face warm at the look he was giving you.

Clearing your throat, you plopped back down on the ground. “L-looks like we’re out of flowers,” you commented, trying to calm your suddenly rapidly beating heart.

Hearing a rustle and seeing him move a bit closer, you looked up just as he dropped the daisy crown he had made on your head. “There, you look just as beautiful.”

The crown sagged a bit but you nevertheless felt touched and a tad warm again. Leaning back against the fence, you looked up at the moon. You both remained quiet as the night time sounds filled the silence. Perhaps if anyone were to happen upon you two, it would be an odd sight. A tall, horned fae and a human sitting side by side under the moon with the dark fae watching the human fondly. Both wearing flower crowns, seeming to be in their own secret world.

[aro-comics]

Squishes Vs Crushes (Part 3)

Squishes Vs. Crushes, Part 3/4 - The part on squishes!! I know a lot of you have been confused about what a squish actually is, and I hope that this can help 💚✨ As you've probably noticed, I've chosen to draw my ocs again. I'm so sorry that I keep dropping them in without context (although they are significant, I'll explain in the comments), but I ... couldn't bring myself to draw the person who I really felt that way for, in the words that I wrote. It’s something I'm still working through I guess. It’s hard to realize someone you used to think would follow for the rest of your life ... isn’t the right fit for you, that way. I've been an open book so far with this account, but I'm not ready to share this yet. I hope that I've still managed to convey the feeling regardless 💚 About slide 5 - I've had relatively close relationships with my squishes, which may not be helpful if you're not close with yours. The most important thing I believe describes a squish is the desire to be close to someone in a platonic way (however you define it for yourself), but wanting emotional intimacy commonly seen with romance. This isn't an end-all, be-all description, but it's how I percieve it/how I've seen it generally described. Feel free to comment if you've had a different experience! As always, I'd love to know what y'all think 💚💚💚

[Image Description:

Title slide: Celia excitedly raises her arms, and says “next up, we have-”

(Title) “The Squish, AKA platonic attraction”. In the corner is a note written: “May be commonly confused with, but is not actually a crush/romantic attraction”

Slide 2: Another sketch slide. Celia stands holding her hand to her chest, which now glows with a warm light orange. 

“In terms of physical sensation, it’s a lot more gentle of a warmth that fills your chest. There are definitely no”butterflies” or any feelings in your stomach.”

Slide 3: “Instead of wanting to do traditionally romantic activities, you’ll want to just … hang out with them, a lot.” 

A drawing of  Celia, playing video games with one of her former squishes. She says “Eat dust!” while he retorts “Didn’t you say you were good at this?”

(note from author: this never actually happened. I wish it did, though.)

“Eat pizza, get into ridiculous shenanigans together. Like the “best friend” kind of stuff.”

Slide 4: “It fills you all over with a sense of calm and peace - like a warm field on a sunny day.”

A younger Celia, sitting in a sunny schoolyard field filled with dandelions. Her former childhood friend/squish, a boy with short orange hair, is sitting with her. 

Slide 5: A pure text slide. “It’s something much deeper, and more grounded.” An asterisk is drawn, indicating to the reader to check the description later.

Slide 6: “They make you feel safe, and you want to stay with them - ”

A drawing of two of Celia’s OCs (who are named Collin and Lucian). The taller boy, a biracial black man with curly brown hair pulled into a ponytail and warm brown eyes grins as his friend, a shorter east asian boy with tan skin, medium length spiky dark hair and green eyes leans next to him. They appear to be talking.

Slide 7: “ - By their side -”

The two characters are now walking on what appears to be an ethereal lake. It is mirror like, and it reflects the rich blue and magenta sky onto the its surface. 

Slide 8: “- For a long, long time.”

The two walk into the distance, and the clouds and sky twinkle above them.

Slide 9: Celia speaks to the viewer, and says “It’s a lot more underwhelming than a crush, and you won’t have that same obsessive feeling.

Slide 10: Celia continues: “But, at the same time, I would say it’s a lot more meaningful of a feeling, and I’m more motivated to maintain a bond with that person.”]