#Ernest van ark

[enbeast]

oOhHhH iM iMoRtAl YoU cAnT kIlL mE

dont care didnt ask + throwing acid at you + blowing you up + blowing you up + blowing you up + blowing you u

[zombiesrunmusical]

After almost a year, A Study in Ichor: The (Unofficial) Musical is finally (!!!!!!) available on YouTube!

[abeltownshipslittlebitch]

In those race missions between S1 and 2

Five and Sara Smith: *Save Van Ark’s ass multiple times from zoms.*

Van Ark, internally without a second thought: Nice! Someone new to manipulate!

[runnerk]

Hey! Another story!

Work has been ridiculous and I keep forgetting to check Tumblr. But there have been some minor implosions in the ZR/S2S world this week and I'd better start making my way into as many Runner 5 communities as I can before....well. I won't go there.

Anyway - new story alert!

[korrolrezni]

Barely the first meeting and Sam invites you to live together with him.

My, my, Mr. Yao! Aren't you a bold one-- wait, did you just say Lord Ernest Van Ark?

[dorkylittleweirdo]

Big character spoilers for s9m15 and beyond

Testing out some designs for Ernie bc I can 😌 love to see the dork clone of an evil scientist tbh

[moopledoodles]

Did a little comic for some of the new season, I do be real excited for it!

[petewentzssilkpress]

As an international student, i think van ark proposing to sigrid so she could keep her visa was so valid

[lucidii]

Van ark can suck my big toe

[ceem902]

Season 9

I feel like the only thing we got from season 9 so far is we aquired a new idiot to care about. And also more enemies and a dislike for Frances.

[zrtranscripts]

Season 9, Mission 25: Dos Oruguitas

Ethics and escapes

~

[motorcycle engine turns over but fails to start]

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Yeah, it was a bit much to expect that the bikes would suddenly have grown more petrol in their tanks overnight.

ERNEST VAN ARK: No, it's sometimes worth trying with an engine. Once it's cold, fluid vapors  can settle in the lines and then you can get a little more out of them.

MOHAMMED BOUJETTIF: It was a noble idea. Frances, it is not long until dawn. Time for you and I to lay a false trail.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Yeah, we're going to try and push the bikes as far as we can, at least downhill. Leave a trail making it look like you went the other way, towards the forest, Five.

MOHAMMED BOUJETTIF: Meanwhile, on the tabletop of the mountain, your next transport. The mini helicopter Maryam and I landed there this morning.

ERNEST VAN ARK: This plan is working, then? Red Scorpion don't know where we are?

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Yeah. Good news overnight. They were searching the glass dunes, they found where the glass was smashed and thought we must have got stuck there. They're sending soldiers beneath the glass to hunt for us. If you just keep doing what you're doing, Five, just keep moving every morning at dawn as soon as your tracker bip goes, I think we'll do it.

ERNEST VAN ARK: So all we need to do is reach the mountain top by dawn.

MOHAMMED BOUJETTIF: And your transport will leave no trace. You will have vanished like the jinn in the desert.

MARYAM ABANI: This is it, then. Five, Ernie, we’ll go up the mountain together. Mo, Frances, will we see you again?

MOHAMMED BOUJETTIF: Inshallah, one final time before the journey ends. The caravan with which my wife and children travel is passing to the west tomorrow. Frances and I will join it then and travel in safety to the Maghreb.

FRANCES DEMPSEY: Good luck, Ernie. Good luck, Five. You can do it!

MARYAM ABANI: We'll see you at the next dawn. Now run!

~

ERNEST VAN ARK: Are you sure we can make it before dawn? This path is quite steep.

MARYAM ABANI: Just keep up this pace. We're not leaving you, if that's what you're worried about.

ERNEST VAN ARK: I think I... it's not how my mind works. Not naturally, anyway.

MARYAM ABANI: Brains are plastic. You can learn to make your mind work differently. Have you ever seen a group of three-year-olds trying to share a toy? They don't know how. On the set of my TV show, I once had to break up a fight over a stuffed giraffe live on air. But we teach them how to share. They learn.

ERNEST VAN ARK: I suppose I really am only four or five years old, actually. I - what was that?

MARYAM ABANI: A rock fall. But what...? Oh no!

ERNEST VAN ARK: A Red Scorpion augmented soldier above us on that overhang. It's... it's very large, isn't it? They never let me see them up close.

SOLDIER: Enemies of Red Scorpion, halt.

MARYAM ABANI: We can't fight it, Five. Look at the way the hydraulics of its arm merge with the flesh of its chest! It's more machine than person! Our weapons would be useless against it. But your anti-tank rifle... you have some ammo left, don't you?

ERNEST VAN ARK: Yes. The physics work. If you aim for the bottom of the overhang she's standing on, Five, the whole thing will come down, and her with it.

SOLDIER: This unit’s instructions have been disregarded. Lethal countermeasures authorized.

MARYAM ABANI: Fire, Five! [explosion] You did it! It's fallen 100 feet below us, but it won't stay down there for long. We have to hurry, run!

~

SAM YAO: Okay... okay! Hi! Uh, yeah, I got your call. I can see what's happening via the satellites, Maryam. Keep moving. I'll give you the status report. Um... okay. Could be worse, given there's a super soldier climbing up a mountain behind you. It's moving... moving quite slowly.

MARYAM ABANI: The mountain is fairly unstable. It's probably assessing the terrain. And it will already have summoned Guillemette. Red Scorpion will be on their way now. Maybe its orders are to wait for backup.

ERNEST VAN ARK: Those things were made out of my cell cultures, weren't they?

SAM YAO: Augmented somehow, yeah, with stuff they took from you to make them heal very fast. Okay. Okay. I'm-I'm gonna let Veronica take over just for a bit. This feels like your department, Ronnie.

VERONICA MCSHELL: Thank you, Sam. Yes. Okay. The super soldier is using its grappling claws to ascend the side of the mountain.

[gunshots]

MARYAM ABANI: It's firing at us!

VERONICA MCSHELL: Keep moving. It doesn't have a good vantage point to target you yet. Only a 2% chance of hitting you.

MARYAM ABANI: Its shots are going wide.

ERNEST VAN ARK: They're not. It's hitting its target every time. Can't you see, falling out of the sky, all those little bodies?

MARYAM ABANI: It's... firing at the birds? Something weird is going on. Now it seems to be aiming for that seam of quartz to our left.

VERONICA MCSHELL: Okay, keep moving. Those super soldiers have a kill switch implanted in them. I think I can hack into it and turn it off. You need to be out of its range. Those wild shots might still hit you as it ascends the mountain. Run!

~

[gunshots]

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Stop. Stop.

MARYAM ABANI: That super soldier is not right. Look at it. It's following us, but sometimes it's walking backwards down the mountain.

ERNEST VAN ARK: Is this what you did when you -

SOLDIER: Halt.

ERNEST VAN ARK: You said you implanted a virus into the super soldiers.

MARYAM ABANI: Yes, to stop their augments from working properly.

SOLDIER: Stop.

ERNEST VAN ARK: Do you think that one could have been out of Red Scorpion all this time?

MARYAM ABANI: Veronica, have you managed to connect to it?

SOLDIER: Stop.

VERONICA MCSHELL: It's... it’s not responding in a normal way. It should be giving me orderly replies to preset commands. Instead, it's confused. I don't think it can communicate with Red Scorpion at all. 

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Ernest. Ernest. Stop. Ernest.

ERNEST VAN ARK: It knows my name.

[explosions]

VERONICA MCSHELL: It’s also firing rockets at you. You have to keep moving!

SOLDIER: Ernest, stop.

VERONICA MCSHELL: It's not long until dawn, and then Red Scorpion really will be on their way. Please, keep running!

SOLDIER: Ernest.

~

[explosions]

ERNEST VAN ARK: Runner Five, does it look to you as if that augmented soldier is... in pain?

MARYAM ABANI: That ought not to be possible. The augments suppress their pain and emotions.

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Ernest, stop. Help me.

VERONICA MCSHELL: They’re not supposed to be able to do that.

MARYAM ABANI: Is it what I did? Have I done this to all of them?

VERONICA MCSHELL: No! No, I-I've looked at the virus you installed. It... it takes power from the augments. It couldn't cause this sort of code breakdown. Unless... one of them was already malfunctioning, the augments already not properly installed, the body already rejecting them. Then... then maybe -

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Ernest, help me. Help me.

VERONICA MCSHELL: If it's rejecting the augments, the pain would be excruciating. But the augments have taken over the work of some of the vital organs...

SOLDIER: Ernest, please.

ERNEST VAN ARK: It’s calling for me. Runner Five, you can go to the helicopter. I can stay here. I think I can... [sighs] I don't think there's any way back for it, but maybe I can work out a way to end its life, put it out of its suffering.

MARYAM ABANI: Ernie...

ERNEST VAN ARK: Is that him again? The easiest way to end things is killing! My stupid, ugly brain!

MARYAM ABANI: No, I think... I think what you're saying is kind. But it's not behaving rationally. It's as likely to kill you, Ernie, and if we leave you here, Red Scorpion will be here soon. Please, Five, lead the way. Just keep moving. It's not long now until dawn.

SOLDIER: Ernest...

~

ERNEST VAN ARK: So the augment at the back of the skull is the one. Without that, brain functions cease?

VERONICA MCSHELL: Yes. All I can see in the schematics tells me if you can get that augment out, it... its pain will be over.

ERNEST VAN ARK: All right. We're at the top of the mountain now. Five, you get into the helicopter. You too, Maryam. Just... look, just give me a moment or two with it. If you're in danger, just take off, okay?

MARYAM ABANI: We’ve no option, Five. The bip is going to sound from your tracker at dawn in 90 seconds.

ERNEST VAN ARK: All right, look, my hands are up. [gunshots] Okay, I can see what you're doing. You're firing at the sky, not at me. Are you hurting?

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Ernest. Hurting, hurting everywhere...

ERNEST VAN ARK: I can take the chip from the back of your neck, and then you will... you'll stop hurting. Do you understand, though? That will be the end. The end of your life.

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Yes. End. End of watch. Lights out. Day is done. Sleep.

MARYAM ABANI: 45 seconds until the bip.

ERNEST VAN ARK: It's okay. It's okay. Do you have a name?

SOLDIER: [with difficulty] Don’t remember.

ERNEST VAN ARK: I see your serial number here. 2759. Turn around, 2759. Yes, I see it. I'm going to take out this augment now,2759. Day is done. Sleep. There. That's done. Sleep now, 2759. Return to the earth.

MARYAM ABANI: That was... that was really good, Ernie. You calmed her. In her last moments, someone touched her with kindness. That's-that's worth something. [tracker beeps] That's it. Dawn. Red Scorpion know where we are again. Come on, Ernie, into the copter. I'm starting the engine.

ERNEST VAN ARK: They made her that way out of me.

MARYAM ABANI: I know.

ERNEST VAN ARK: Take me away from here.

MARYAM ABANI: We're heading home.

~

[enbeast]

explaining how each zr villain misgenders me after i jokingly went to rate zr villains based on how likely they were ro misgender me but then i realised that they pretty much all would. i will also include some ppl who are like minor villains or get redeemed and shit? idk its my list i make the rules

spoilers for like up to s8

van ark: would say "well biologically" and be really pretensious about his transphobia

simon: would not misgender me because hes my friend and also trans. is slightly obnoxious about validating my gender but in a fun way

amelia: misgendered me because she didnt know, blustered when she was corrected, was rude and i thought she was gonna be a real asshole about it but then the next time it she used pronouns she used the correct ones. if i tried to thank her for making the effort shed deny any knowledge of the entire subject

moonchild: technically doesnt misgender me and talks a big game about respecting my gender but lets it slip during while drunk/high that she considers me a quirky woman and subtly tries to pressure me into shaving my beard and growing my hair

sigrid: uses all the right words and pronouns but will absolutely call me a slur during a heated argument and misgender me when shes about to kill me but only if theres no one around who would call her out on it.

ian: perpetually looks like hes sucking on a lemon because sigrid told him hes not allowed to be publicly transphobic because its bad optics. doesn't misgender me to my face either because hes (correctly) scared ill beat him up. misgendered me as hard as he could for the brief period when he had me chained up in private. called me a biological female in his shitty documentary

brain moonchild: never misgenders me and is chiller about it, more focused on trying to gaslight me about mindcontrol. only mentions that id make a really hot woman one time in the context of it being a shame im not.

annie: does not misgender me because she has my pronouns on file and it never occurs to her to consider me anything else

the glass protocol: never misgenders me due to nonbinary solidarity

the last riders: actively tried to be as offensive as possible but theyre such fucking losers im not even mad

colonel sage (my most hated enemy): never misgenders me but asks a lot of annoying questions and is uncomfortably interested in my Trans Experience. not in a creepy way or anything. just annoying

shona: generally cool but did call me a scared little girl to try and taunt me while she was trying to hunt me in the tunnels. only misgenders me for the purpose of being the worst

[zombiesrunmusical]

@midwestern-runner-five is Ernest Van Ark in A Study in Ichor: The Musical, which is OUT NOW 🙌✨ 🎉

[abeltownshipslittlebitch]

Spoilers for ZR S9M24 below

ERNIE IM SO SORRY MY MUSTY DUSTY CLOWN ASS THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BE MAD AT FIVE AND TURN EVIL AND KILL US I AM SO SORRY YOU DESERVE BETTER

[runnerk]

It's only been 4 months between chapters. Eek. It might as well have been 4 years. But this story is too important to me to abandon it, so I made it a point to add another chapter.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51023710/chapters/145604116

[only-mostlydead]

I finished my writing replay of ZRS1 and I have some THOUGHTS:

There is not enough Janine. Why isn’t there more Janine?

Why did they wait so long to introduce Simon? 5imon brotp hijinks could've abounded this whole time

Maggie Doane deserved better

You pick up on things that seem innocuous but become relevant later. Like, oh, Finland has no Rofflenet? Really?? How strange! (Sigrid you bitCH)

The flip between “I am actively plotting your demise” Sara and “I would trust you with my life” Sara is so wild but also feels completely natural and I love her

I am not prepared to deal with the emotional roller coaster that is Archie Jensen again

Were we really supposed to think Van Ark was a good guy? His name is Ernest Van Ark for Chrissakes. Was Evil Van Badguy taken?

Ed and Molly are underutilized

Major De Santa's big damn hero entrance gives me chills every time

S2S absolutely banked on people continuing to play because they made us fall in love with Sam

Also I only have three chapters left on The Cave, HOW