#and then feeling immediately guilt for not wanting to because guilt complex
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tarnished-butsogrand ¡ 1 day ago
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Giving Niall & Harry the benefit of the doubt I think it’s probably a really weird thing to navigate everyone sending you condolences because you were so publicly linked together when in reality they were not very close and hadn’t been for a long time. I think it’s telling that they both included condolences to Liam’s family in their posts while Zayn & Louis didn’t (not saying they didn’t send them condolences privately but specifically in their posts). Usually only the people closest to the person who has passed don’t include condolences and paired with the overall tone & content I think it’s a good indicator that they don’t see themselves in that immediate circle and they don't want to give off the impression that they are. 
But I also think their posts have a lot to do with them as people removed from their relationship with Liam. Obviously we don’t actually know but you couldn’t convince me that Liam was in contact with Zayn more than Niall but Zayn is less afraid of speaking his mind. There’s a reason Niall is able to “avoid drama” and why they used to call him a fence-sitter in the band, it’s not difficult to seem unproblematic if you avoid anything controversial at all and within the last couple years Liam became one of those controversial things he ignored. Part of me doesn’t fault him for that because he always tries to protect his personal peace and his brand, it’s not something he exclusively did to Liam but it’s still disappointing he didn’t make an exception for him. Maybe I’m being too generous but I think he probably regrets that, especially knowing how awful his fans were to him in his last days. I think Harry also probably feels that regret and guilt to some extent too which would also explain the surface level statements because their true feelings are much more complex and imo would frame them in a more negative light if they were honest. This is all just speculation but some part of them probably wants to avoid making it seem like they were still super close and avoid accepting all those condolences due to the guilt of knowing that they weren’t actually there for him when he needed it. 
That being said they definitely could’ve ignored their relationship post 1D completely and just talked about what he meant to the band, especially knowing how much people were trying to erase his importance, knowing that ALL the members reiterated how important he was would’ve meant a lot but they didn’t do that for him and that hurts.  
I understand what you’re saying about them just not posting anything but honestly I think it was better for them to just do it even if it was surface level because otherwise it would’ve just turned into “why aren’t they posting?” even worse than it did when Niall’s was delayed a bit. It would’ve just pulled focus away from Liam even more so I’m personally glad they at least put something out. Even if we understand that people are not owed a public display of grief that’s certainly not the overall consensus of the general public (which is crazy on it's own). I don’t doubt that they felt pressured to put out statements but unfortunately that’s the world we’re living in and I think it probably would’ve been worse in the long run if they hadn’t put out anything at all. 
I do think it's important to note that in the same way we have now been able to process things differently with time (I have felt a million different ways about their posts/treatment of Liam in general the past few months with varying degrees of anger) it's likely they also feel differently about things after having time to process. Regardless of their relationship with him or how good/bad of friends they were knowing that millions of people are going to read your statement and scrutinize it after only a day of finding out the news, at which point most people are still in shock, is a lot of pressure. I can some what understand taking the easy way out and posting something less personal and more manufactured under those circumstances. Maybe they would change what they wrote, maybe they wouldn't we don't know.
I think ultimately it’s just so disappointing that Liam showed up for everyone time and time again but only some chose to return the favor both when he was alive and after. 
(Sorry this is so long and if you're over talking about this don't feel the need to respond, I completely understand)
I think you are being incredibly generous and kind with your evaluation of Niall and Harry's actions. Even if I deem Liam to be so controversial that it would be career suicide to be seen with him, I still cannot understand or comprehend leaving him to struggle when he clearly needed help, support and understanding. Of course, at the end of the day, it was Liam's responsibility alone to stop himself from going down the path again, and I don't claim to know how difficult struggling with addiction is, but any kind of support must have helped. Even putting their own rabid fans off of his scent would have helped. I don't think anyone expected either of them to write out essays in his support but even a word, a like, a repost. But I get it. Their brand and image is paramount, right?
Imagine having friends that stop talking to you because you are not as popular or you've not sold as many records. When Liam said the industry was scary this must have been a part of that surely. I think it's easy being friends with someone who's doing alright, but the moment comes and they're having a bad time and you just... Leave them? Stop acknowledging them? It's like the previous years of history meant nothing. I cannot imagine what it must have been like for Liam.
Liam was called out for being a lot of things, cringe, a loser, and what not. But he was never unkind? He reached out to everyone going through a tough time and when he needed help, he found no one to do it for him. Except Louis. And I am sorry but I don't think the lack of support from Niall and Harry was just disappointing. And I understand they needed to protect their personal brand and their mental peace, but I just cannot get behind or support people like that. I think that's a horrible thing to do to someone who you used to know. I think it's like slowly becoming a part of the machinery that you detested but since it cannot hurt you anymore, you embrace the system. Especially when you have made your own personal brand about treating people with kindness. Who decides who deserves this kindness then?
I hope they do feel regret. I know it sounds horrible but I hope they feel regret every single day of their lives that they took back their support from a person who needed it the most. Every single day, we hear so many stories of so many people helping each other, random acts of kindness that warm our hearts. I think of the many random strangers even Niall and Harry must have helped, but they couldn't speak one word of support for someone who used to be their friend. At least someone they used to pretend to be friends with when the act brought in the big bucks.
As for Zayn, maybe he didn't speak to Liam any more than Niall did. But to judge him by the same parameters, is kind of unfair? He left the band back in 2015, and not on great terms. Niall continued to be friends with Liam, publicly up until what? 2019? 2020? Liam hadn't talked of Zayn favourably in that Logan Paul interview, and damn right he's outspoken but he didn't say a word against him in public? (Not even for him, admittedly.) Zayn didn't make it sound like he didn't have any differences of opinion, what he wrote of in his post was of a friendship, imperfect at times but still remarkable enough, even after nine years of insignificant contact, to move him deeply. I am sorry if I am reading too much into Louis and Zayn's posts but that's all the proof I have that Liam was loved and cherished and had friends that probably looked at him with the same compassion and empathy that I will always have for him. They didn't need to be so personal, and I would have understood a short, curt message from both of them, for different reasons. I didn't know how much I needed to read what they had written until after I had read their posts and was sobbing uncontrollably.
As for the statements, maybe it is better they posted something rather than nothing at all. Maybe they did feel pressured. Maybe they will look back on that time and their feelings will change, yes, none of that's for sure. Personally, I don't think pulling the focus away from Liam was their priority when they posted. Louis and Zayn honoured a friend. Niall and Harry spoke about a colleague. I also think, in my personal opinion, the guest list shouldn't have included a lot of people who were present that day. Including Niall and Harry. I don't think they cared to know him well enough to attend. I mean if you feel weird being offered condolences for someone, knowing you didn't know them well enough to be considered a friend, then you probably shouldn't be attending their funeral? But then again, I know nothing and am no one to them and my opinion means nothing but that's how I feel about them personally.
I am sorry if I sound too harsh, or mean. Forgive me. I cannot find it in myself to be magnanimous. Not anymore. You are kind and generous towards all of them and I appreciate that, but I cannot join you.
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cinnamorollcrybaby ¡ 3 months ago
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The Reader gets jealous/upset because Sukuna gets Concubines, with a happy ending though. pleaseeeee
Wish I didn’t care
Tags: true form!Sukuna x fem!Reader, king!Sukuna, royal au (?), angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending i promise
An: Ooo, this was such a good idea. Thank you for requesting it from me!! I hope it’s everything you wanted!!
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Sukuna never felt the need to give you a title for being in his life. To him, titles were superficial… There wasn’t a title in the world that could explain or encompass the complexities of his relationship with you.
However, you, coming from the mortal realm, wanted a title. It’s not that you wanted the power that was associated with being the betrothed of the King of Curses. You just wanted to feel.. irreplaceable to him.
So, to make you happy, you were his wife.
Kings rarely ever are allowed the luxury of marrying for love. Most kings marry daughters of other powerful kings to create allies between nations. However, Sukuna didn’t need allies. He didn’t need to marry for power when he had more power than he knew what to even do with.
Everything was simply child’s play for him. He even stopped trying to conquer the mortal realm because it was just too damn easy for him. The “sorcerers” could barely even put up a fight. It was embarrassing.
Life was truly becoming boring for him.
That was, until a female curse was delivered straight to his chamber. He was confused and honestly pissed that Uraume would simply guide this harlot into his chambers without his permission. Only you were granted such luxuries.
He was leisurely splayed in his bed with no cloth to cover himself. He truly appreciated the concept of being completely in his own skin at all times, and he often encouraged you to do the same. Though, he also learned to appreciate your more modest approach. You didn’t have to show any skin to get Sukuna riled up.
“State your purpose.” His voice was low and menacing as he spoke to the woman. He slipped his robes on over his shoulders, tying it in the front so he was no longer exposing himself.
“My father sends his regards. Says that a newly wedded king deserves a ‘fresh’ concubine.” The girl spoke with no humility towards him.
Sukuna’s face twisted in disgust that her dad would even suggest such a thing. He was even more put off that she described herself as ‘fresh’ as if she were a type of vegetable in the garden.
“Your father can kindly go fuck himself. I’m not interested.” He responds coldly, and his large palm grabs onto her shoulder with the intention of throwing her out of his chambers. He knew that if you saw her here, you’d probably be devastated.
“My lord-“
“I am not your anything. You address me as Lord or King, but make no mistake. I am not your lord.” He rudely cuts her off, not letting her think she has any sort of claim to him.
“Okay, Lord Sukuna, when’s the last time she’s fulfilled her wifely duties? I can see she’s not in here tending to you now, right? She’d probably feel grateful that you’re being satisfied around the clock.” The concubine’s voice was like a purr, and she looked up at him with eyes that’d rival a siren’s.
And for a split second, Sukuna almost considers her offer.
“You’ll never believe it, Kuna!” Your happy voice fills the air, and the door swings open to reveal you holding a small flower in your hand. “I got a jasmine to bl-“ Your eyes fall upon to scene in front of you.
Sukuna’s towering over an unfamiliar woman. His hand is touching her neck and shoulder area, while she has her hand leisurely pressed against his bicep.
“Who’s.. this?” You quietly ask, and immediately, Sukuna can feel a strange feeling pour into him. It feels like… guilt? He regrets even momentarily entertaining the idea about this harlot occupying his bed.
“Nobody-“
“Oh my lady, it’s nice to meet you. I apologize. Lord Sukuna and I were just getting aquatinted with each other since we’ll be seeing each other a lot from now on.” The serpent of a female cuts him off, and he immediately realizes just what this is. Whichever king decided to send her is hoping to ruin his marriage. She’s quite literally a snake in his garden, trying to ward his wife away from him.
“I don’t… understand.” The way your voice sounds so small. The small pout upon your lips. The way the flower you were once carrying with such confidence is now sagging in your hand. Fuck. Sukuna felt like a complete imbecile.
“Oh, come on now. You know he has needs that are beyond your abilities. I’ll lay with him when you’re too-“
“Enough.” Sukuna’s voice snaps. His teeth grit together as he practically drags the woman out of his chambers. “Go fuck off for a while. I’ll deal with you later.” The door immediately slams in her face.
After a moment of trying to comprehend what just happened and how it all happened so quickly, Sukuna slowly turns to you. It feels like a gut punch once he sees the tears brimming in your eyes.
“That wasn’t…”
“You took up a concubine?” You ask in a sniffle. Your hands are barely even holding the jasmine that’s you were once so excited to show him. Flowers rarely ever bloom in Sukuna’s desolate kingdom, but with hard work and determination, you had gotten a jasmine to bloom in his kingdom.
“No, she was sent to me. I didn’t seek her out.” He tries to dispel the claims while he slowly approaches you. His chest aches as he watches you take a step back away from him. “Do not cower from me, woman.”
“Was I not good enough? Was I not doing enough for you..? I thought… I thought it was good, b-but I can try harder.” Your voice is so shaky, and you won’t even look him in the eye. What has he done?
“Silence. You will not speak of yourself like that to me.” Sukuna orders, and he takes another step forward. You take another step back with another sniffle. Your tears are streaming down your cheeks.
“Please…” The word sounds foreign on his tongue. He’s never ever pleaded for anything in his life. He could simply take what he wants, but he doesn’t want to hurt his delicate flower. He wants her to seek out comfort in him. “Please don’t cower. It was not like that. She showed up at my door, spoke of lies and filth, and I was trying to throw her out when you walked in.”
“So you didn’t even con..consider taking her on as a concubine?” You ask while you rub the tears away with the back of your hands. Hopefully, this was all just a poorly timed miscommunication.
Sukuna takes a moment before responding. He has two options. He could tell you a white lie that would instantly comfort you, but it would be a lie. Or he could tell you the truth and face the consequences of his actions.
“It was one moment of weakness.” He replies carefully.
He instantly wishes he just lied from the way your face immediately twisted in disappointment and pure hurt. The jasmine falls from your hands, and your footsteps trail away from his chambers, leaving him dumbfounded.
Sukuna is immediately on your trail, unable to let you be. He needs to fix this. His dear wife is upset, and it’s all his fault.
A pair of hands slither up his arm as he walks. He already knows who’s touching him based off the nasty feeling from their contact. “My lord, let her be. She needs to-“
“Dismantle.” The concubine’s body drops to the floor in two, split directly at her waist. He had warned her already about referring to him as her lord. She didn’t deserve to speak of you so carelessly, and she didn’t deserve to live after causing this rift in his marriage.
Sukuna continues on his hunt for you without another hitch, leaving the harlot’s body right where she once stood for one of the servants to clean up.
He searches for you in all your usual spots: the gardens, the kitchen, the library, the rooftop. You’re no where to be found. You don’t want to be found. He starts to wonder around his perimeter. The longer he goes without finding you; the more his heart starts to race.
Did you leave him? Did he lose you for good?
The thought of not having his delicate flower by his side makes his body feel ill. You must’ve placed some sort of binding curse on him, but he didn’t necessarily mind.
He’s close to waging war when he finally sees your small human body tucked underneath a weeping willow on a bed of grass. His body moves on it’s own: running to you. When’s the last time he’s ran like this?
Crouching over you, he can see no visible injuries on your body, but he knows he’s wounded your heart with his foolish actions. How could he ever have a wandering eye when you were the real prize?
His four arms carefully scoop you up and cradle your body as he takes a seat underneath the willow. Your poor cheeks are flushed and tear stained. Your eyes and lips are so puffy. You must’ve tired yourself out from crying.
“I’m sorry, flower.” He whispers softly, even if your eyes are still resting. He pulls your body closer to his chest, and he contemplates when he started becoming so soft for you.
A part of him hates it. That small unconscious voice of his telling him that he shouldn’t concern himself with the feelings of a mere mortal, but the bigger part of him knows that he can’t just ignore you. He cares far too much for you.
“Kuna..?” You murmur as your hands rub your eyes. You’re immediately met with remembering just why you had fallen asleep. “I do not wish to see you right now.”
Sukuna chuckles quietly from your defiant little comment. It reminds him of when you first arrived to his estate. “Then close your eyes.” He simply states as one of his hands start to comb through your hair. “Woman, tell me what to do to fix this.”
You shift your gaze away from him with a small huff. If he wasn’t so much bigger than you, you’d try to wiggle away from him. However, you know it is of no use. “I don’t know, Kuna.” Your words are sharp and still so full of emotion. “Imagine how you’d feel if I told you I contemplated sleeping with someone else… in a moment of weakness.”
The sheer thought of it has Sukuna’s anger burning up like an inferno. You’re his delicate flower. No one would even know how to take care of you like he can. His arms subtly tighten around your frame. “I’d kill every man you gaze at.”
“Well, men can rest easy because I only have eyes for you.” You mutter while rolling your eyes. “I love you so much that the thought of being with someone else repulses me, and it… just really hurts that you don’t feel the same.”
“Flower, I took you for granted. It was a brief moment of contemplation, but I instantly decided against it. I did not desire her in the slightest.” Sukuna tries to explain, and his hand gently brushes against your soft cheek.
“You still don’t deny that you don’t feel the same for me.” You respond quietly, still not giving him the satisfaction of you looking at him.
“You are everything to me. I will not lose sight of what’s important again.”
“Kuna.” You finally look up at him, and you frown slightly. Sukuna secretly adores the little nicknames you have adorned him with, but he’d never admit it.
“What is it, woman?” He asks, titling his head to the side a bit to get a better look at your face. You’re so pretty in his lap like this.
“Do you love me?” You quietly ask, even if you can already hear his voice telling you ‘do not ask questions you don’t want answers to’… because even if he’s the incarnate of evil, Sukuna will not lie. Liars are weak cowards who can’t get jobs done by being upfront. Sukuna isn’t afraid of what the truth is.
Your husband contemplates your question for a moment. He thinks about how disgusting that wannabe concubine was. He thinks about how you preoccupy his mind majority of the time. He thinks about the weird mix of feelings he has felt today in your absence.
“What I feel for you… is probably the closest to love that I’ll ever get.” Sukuna responds, carefully choosing his words. “You, my flower, are the only thing that keeps me grounded to the mortal plains.”
You give him the best smile you can muster despite the disappointment that you feel since he won’t tell you that he loves you. You suppose you have no one to blame other than yourself. Sukuna told you when he married you not to get your hopes up for love, but you still can’t help but crave that sort of affection from him.
“I don’t like seeing you upset, flower.” He speaks tenderly as his thumb brushes against your bottom lip. “If I could, I’d snap my fingers and assure you that I love you whole heartedly. It just not in my genetic code.”
“I know… I’m grateful for your effort at least.” You murmur as you wrap your arms around his neck.
His arms wrap around you, cradling you to his chest. He inhales deeply, savoring your sweet scent that he enjoys so much. “Am I forgiven, woman?”
“Mmm, no.” You smile cheekily in his embrace, and Sukuna chuckles heartily.
“Oh? Is someone going to use this blunder to her advantage?” When you nod in his shoulder, Sukuna lays back against the soft pillowy grass. “That’s my girl. Go on. Make me work for your forgiveness.”
On a completely unrelated note, Sukuna had that harlot’s body mailed back to her father as a ‘thank you’ for sending a whore to his kingdom.
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cameatslemons ¡ 4 months ago
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mouthwashing post. jimmy is a raging narcissist and im tired of people trying to give him benefit of the doubt. his inability to see two feet beyond what immediately concerns him dooms everyone on the tulpar, and even in the end, he only really cares about himself.
big list of all his narcisstic bullshit below bc im here to motherfucking prove it (mouthwashing spoilers of course)
most obviously: everything is a personal attack on him. EVERYTHING. you can see it most clearly at the birthday party; while everyone else is understandably freaking out about being laid off, jimmy starts telling curly off and insulting both him and everyone else at the table, as if being laid off is a personal attack on jimmy specifically. it doesn’t matter that anya has nothing to go back to, that swansea’s life is thrown away- jimmy is the ONLY victim here, apparently. curly is personally responsible for getting laid off, in his eyes.
i don’t actually know the words for this but the way he’s constantly going “i have to do EVERYTHING around here”- again, feeling like its a personal attack to be asked anything at all. anya asks him to take care of curly because her entire fucking life is falling apart, its her end of days, but somehow shes the villain for struggling.
also the general antagonization of anya. she’s extremely competent for the hand she was dealt! shes too poor to attend med school yet shes very knoqledgable in medication and wound care! and yeah no shit shes struggling now, someone she cared deeply about is suffering immensely and now the ship is being “run” by a man who assaulted her. no fucking shit shes breaking down. but jimmy makes it clear time and time again that this is somehow her fault, all this shit of “shouldn’t nurses EARN their titles?” while she’s having a mental breakdown.
similarly, swansea being villainized for holding the cryopod for daisuke and killing him. like, i get it, but jimmy’s whole thing of saying he can fix daisuke is… c’mon man. he’s a hero to himself, he “always” fixes things the same way he “fixed” the ship, and he will fix daisuke and claim heroism even though it’s very clear nothing else can be done for him.
“someday you’ll thank me” while forcing curly to eat his own leg. the incredible confidence that he is in the right even when literally torturing someone.
MOST IMPORTANTLY: the final scene with curly burning. jimmy doesn’t earnestly believe he has anything to be sorry for. even when apologizing to curly he says “we can BOTH be heroes!” despite everything, he still thinks he’s in the right. he STILL thinks he’s a hero, because he’s right, he’s ALWAYS right, surely. he can apologize and grovel all he wants but in the end he still thinks he’s the hero of this story; he doesn’t genuinely think he has anything to right, he’s only doing this to be freed of consequence. and/or believes a simple “sorry” is enough, that it can fix completely ruining the lives of four people with his own inferiority complex.
i do think the choice to put curly in the pod instead of himself is the only time he recognizes his own guilt, if any. maybe it’s realizing that he DOES need something more than a simple “sorry” to even begin to try to fix things, maybe it’s that he thinks this will cement him even further as a hero. even then, does this fix anything? all it’s doing is making curly suffer more. is this actually a good thing?
to him, he’s the hero here. he always is. crashing the ship is a heroic thing, putting all his crewmates through hell is a heroic thing. all because something nobody can control is somehow a personal attack on jimmy.
not to mention all the “hallucinations” he has- it’s what he thinks should happen, it’s what he wants to hear. curly still calling him a friend, the dead corpses of his crewmates praising him, even in the final cutscene with curly burning where he says “no, YOU take the pod”. none of it’s real. it’s just what jimmy thinks is “right”. despite everything, he thinks everyone should thank and praise him, because he can do no wrong.
conclusion: jimmy is a narcisstic piece of shit.
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prettybaby-reid ¡ 23 days ago
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I think the reason I’m such a Hotch girl when i realistically started watching Criminal Minds under the assumption I’d be a Reid girl is because Hotch on the surface is a completely different character from who he actually is.
Like he immediately comes off as this strict, hardass, dominant man but he just….isn’t. He consistently bends the rules when it comes to his team. He will omit things and flat out lie if it means keeping the team together and safe. He consistently breaks, snapping at unsubs, at police departments, at the media. He crumbles when there’s a case involving a negligent parent, a fire, a child in danger. he consistently overfills his glass in order to keep the team afloat.
And most of that obviously stems from guilt. Like, you see the switch post Elles departure in season 2, then following Haleys divorce in season 3 and most obviously following Haleys death in season 5. When he fails someone he overcompensates with the other people in his life. Had the situation with Elle not happened, he probably would’ve reported Reids drug abuse, but that would mean potentially losing another team member. He goes so hard when cases involve kids because he feels guilty for not only being absent so often, but because Jack goes from a 2 parent household, to 2 divorced parents, to a dead mother and he so obviously feels guilty. He goes so hard with Maeve and Savannah because he doesn’t want Reid and Morgan to go through what he went through. because he doesn’t want them to live with that guilt. He will take on the burden of others so they don’t go through what he’s gone through.
idk he’s so mischaracterized and i think he’s genuinely so much more complex than “serious boss man”
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jaegerbby ¡ 1 year ago
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➳ triggered
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--͙[ken ryuguji x female! reader]-͙-
╰┈➤ word count; 12,944
╰┈➤ rundown; in all the years you've known draken, he has only loved one girl but that doesn't mean he'll let you be with someone else.
╰┈➤ caution; TOXIC DYNAMIC. possessive! toxic! draken, dubcon/coercion, fwb to something more?, parental character death, tw/emma (lol), manhandling, emotional manipulation, abusive undertones, threats with a gun, mentions of suicide, slight mitsuya x reader, alcohol mentioned, face fucking, oral sex (m&f), unprotected sex, breeding kink, creampie, cervix fucking, belly bulge mentioned, baby trapping, impregnation, use of the word slut. draken is a literal head case in this. he gets mad when you call him draken (as he should?)
not proof read !
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you almost drop your phone when the nurse tells you about your mother's condition. "ma'am, are you there?" your lips tremble, a hum leaving you because you do not trust yourself enough to speak.
"she's in room 34, level 12. you'll be further informed when you arrive." you swallow hard, feeling your chest tighten. "thank you." it is all you can manage to say before you end the call.
your relationship with your mother is strained to say the least but the thought of her bleeding out all alone makes you sick. the last memory she has of you is bitter words.
you hurriedly pull on jeans and a shirt draken left. his scent is enough to comfort you. you dial his number while running down the stairs of your apartment complex.
the cold air meets your skin and it seems all your impulsive actions are foolish.
"ken!" you are too emotional and you need him here. you can hardly keep yourself sane, every thought in your head is blaming you. you are not the best person, you know that but did you deserve something so cruel?
"what's wrong?" the sound of his deep voice alone, makes you relax. you grip the fabric of your his shirt. "my mom is in the hospital." your words come out in a flurry, jumbled and confusing.
you cannot quell the panic that fills you.
"hey, calm down." it is soothing, draken always knows what you need.
"breathe." you take deep breaths as he guides you, clutching your chest and nodding though he is not here to see. "now, tell me what happened. i'll come."
somehow, you feel lighter, "my mom's in the hospital... can you take me?"
"give me five. don't worry, okay?" you hum shakily as you slump on a bench and bury your face in your hands.
you sit there, cold and tired. you wish you could let yourself be consumed by sleep and this would be a bad dream.
that in the morning you would not have this guilt weighing on your shoulders.
the words 'five minutes' spiral in your thoughts because it certainly felt like hours. you fidget before messaging him. one after the next, asking where he is, if he is coming, why he lied.
though, it is left unanswered. he does not reply much less open it. your lips tremble, squeezing your fists so tightly you almost break skin.
you do not want to cry but it is all getting to you. as much as you fight it, you break.
loudly sobbing, roughly drying your face but it is coated with fresh tears a second after.
you keep telling yourself that he will come. you conjure up some stupid excuse for him because he never does it himself. it is times like this where you wonder if anything he said was genuine.
you need him here and he let you down. you should have expected it, he did it before. for someone who was more important that you, who would always be more important than you.
"yn?" you are sure you look horrible with blood shot eyes and messy hair. you are not able to move, simply staring as mitsuya parks his bike.
he is so kind, you do not deserve it. he hurriedly steps towards you, his eyes softening when a fresh stream of tears slip down your face.
"are you okay?" he tugs off his jacket, wrapping it around you before he kneels down and grips your hands. he immediately rubs them with his.
he tries to make you warm but all you feel is cold.
you should not ask, you are hurt enough but it is on the tip of your tongue.
it slips.
"where's ken?" you mumble when he guides you to stand. your eyes staring up at him, wide and tear filled.
"draken? he's with emma," it hits you like a freight train and it hurts more because you knew. you got the answer you were expecting but your chest still aches.
mitsuya's large palms cup your cheeks, swiping at the tears. his face coated in worry, "why are you crying?"
"my mom's in the hospital. can you take me? please." you are cut off when he tugs you against him. gentle as he strokes your hair and tries to ease your pain.
you sob into his chest, every part of you feels broken. your fists tangling in the fabric of his t-shirt and you press against him more. it should be draken.
you hate how desperately you wish he was holding you instead.
"i will, don't cry." he mutters into your hair, squeezing you before he lets you go. his fingers lace with yours as he guides you to his bike.
your head is filled with tumultuous excuses, anything to make you believe ken has a good reason.
he does not, he never did. not a word leaves you as mitsuya drives. even though your hands grip his clothes, desperately searching for something to keep yourself afloat.
when you are at the hospital, you feel like you are out of your body.
"i'll wait for you outside," mitsuya says, releasing your shoulders, having taken you to the room. the sight of your mother laying in bed unconscious, countless tubes and machines connected to her.
you fall to your knees, begging, pleading for her to get up. she is all you have left and you hardly see her.
you grasp her hand, you were seldom given that opportunity before. she is as cold as it is outside, maybe the weather was preparing you to feel her skin.
she is as cold as she acted to you your whole life and yet you cry for her to wake up. scream that she would at least open her eyes and tell you to stop your whining. she does not.
your heart breaks for the second time that night.
---
ken <3: come over
yn: not in the mood rn
ken <3: i just want you here
you thought he would at least apologise but when has draken ever?
he does not acknowledge it, he moves on like you mean nothing. like your feelings are none of his concern.
you were friends before this.
all this arrangement showed was how little he valued you. you know he loves emma and you know he is just fucking you. he would never feel more. not when it comes to you
you always see the hearts in his eyes whenever emma comes around, sometimes you wish he would look at you that way. others, you wish you never got involved with him in the first place.
it is so easy to be swayed when it comes to him. it is almost embarrassing how easily he can get you to give in.
you tell yourself you will leave the sorrow for the morning and you find yourself at his apartment.
you hate the way he smiles when he opens the door for you.
you hate how good he looks in that stupid tank top that is fitted to his body like a second skin.
you hate how he wraps you in his arms and presses a kiss to your cheek like he did not break your heart just last week.
you shrug him off, pulling the thin jacket from your shoulders and sitting on the couch.
"why'd you cook so much?" you mutter, watching him huff as he drops down next to you. you wish you could move away because he is too close.
he is in your space. his thigh is against yours. when it comes to draken, you are too weak and you have long known it would be your downfall.
"i know you haven't been eating." he scoops some of the rice and lifts the spoon to your mouth. you wish your heart did not flutter, that he was not able to break you down and build you up with such little fanfare.
you let him feed you, silently hurting at his smile. how it reveals his sharp k9s and that stupid chip in his front tooth that he got when you were kids play fighting.
you reach for the bowl and draken's expression falters. he swallows before running a hand through his dark hair. all he does is watch you eat, he tries to make conversation but your answers are brief. you wish he tried harder, that he tried when you needed him.
there is no excuse to give when you are finished eating. you are about to stand when draken stops you.
your body still responds to his touch, jitters wash over your skin. he always has some effect on you.
"you've been avoiding me. you know i don't like that," he is annoyed, it is eerie how calm he is physically when his voice sounds so threatening.
he does not have any right to be mad at you. your face sets in a scowl, "well, i don't like being lied to." you should not provoke him and from the way his jaw clenches, you can tell you are treading on dangerous territory.
"what?" his head tilts. you did not want to fight with him, you never fought with him for years.
there are so many things you let him get away with but it was never this deep. it never hurt you this badly. you have gone too far to stop now.
"you lied to me," you should have been done with him from that night on but when have you ever been able to leave draken alone? you are upset yet you are here, in his apartment looking him dead in his eyes and for the first time he looks angry with you.
"it's been a week, why are you still mad?" he has never looked at you with such an expression before. not with such narrow eyes or such a piercing glare.
"because you told me you'd come! you said you'd be there." your body feels hot with anger as you stand. "you said not to worry. well guess what, my mom isn't here anymore. you were right, one less thing to worry about."
your blood is boiling. for the first time his presence does not calm your nerves. instead, the longer you stare at him, the more infuriated you feel.
"don't blame me, you never got along with her when she was around. i didn't cause that." his lips pull back, he roughly grips your arm as he leans down to level your gaze.
"it's my fault because i waited for you. you always disappoint me but i waited for you." your finger presses into his chest. it is accusatory because the one behind your broken heart is at the end of your nail.
"you're being dramatic." he scoffs, tongue in his cheek while he looks away from you.
"am i? you're the one who said you'd come for me but what happened?" you shove at his shoulder when he rolls his eyes and remains silent. "what happened, draken?" the glare he sends you is deadly.
"did emma call? did you forget all about me the second she called your name? did you run to her when i'm the one that needed you?"
he breathes hard, you swear you see steam coming from him. he grips your upper arms and roughly shakes you.
"yes, you fucking know that so why do you keep asking?" he says it despite all the years you have known each other, regardless of any moment you have together. like all of it is insignificant.
it stuns you for a minute. you knew, yet it still makes your heart ache to hear him say it. you lose your composure entirely for that minute.
he loves emma and you are just a girl he fucks on the side. draken does not care for you any more than he needs to, emma is always going to be his priority.
you did not hold a candle to her flame. no matter how much you dream about it, you do not think you ever would. you grit your teeth, pushing his arms away and stumbling back.
"don't look at me like that," he sighs. his hands swipe over his face before they settle in his hair and he grips at the roots. he is incredibly conflicted, it is typical for him to draw you into his arms when that expression is on your face. though he has never been the reason behind it before.
your ears feel like they are ringing, you are struggling to hold back the tears that fill your eyes. you hate him, you wish you did. hating him is momentary, it is fleeting. your hate never lasts.
"you're a fucking asshole and i hate you." all you both want from this moment is to hurt each other.
"yeah right. say that the next time you're sucking my dick." he sneers. your eyes flicker, face contorting in disgust.
you feel sick. you wonder why you are still here. you truly do not want to throw away all those years you spent by his side. but what good is there fighting for something that can never be?
you hurriedly gather your things with one fleeting glance over his living room.
you swear this is the last time you will be here.
maybe one last grace is what you need to get over him.
draken breathes heavily, holding your wrist as he tries to bring you into his arms. for the first time you fight it, that is all it would take to break your resolve.
"fuck off!" he stares at you in shock. those pretty eyes are blow wide, you never shout at him. "God knows what was going through my mind when i agree to fuck someone like you."
you shove at his chest but it does not move him in the slightest. all it does is relight his anger.
he nears you despite how many times you try to distance yourself. "i don't need you. you think it would make a difference if you left?" cause at the end of it, you know emma is the only one that matters to him.
every word is clear, he enunciates it all because he wants you to be in pain, he wants you to go home and cry over him like you always do.
your whole body tenses, teeth grinding together because you can practically feel the ache in your chest grow more intense. you can feel your heart tear apart. why do you always get hurt in the end?
"fuck you, draken." that is the last thing you say, maybe it is synonymous for 'it's over' but you have never truly been done with him.
you push past him and it is only so easy because he lets you. he lets you leave, you wish he would stop you. you are stupidly hoping he will pull you back to him and tell you he is sorry.
unbeknownst to him the tears are already falling down your cheeks as you storm out of his apartment and slam the door. it feels like you are suffocating, like a second longer in that hell hole would asphyxiate you to death.
you cannot stand the thought of being around him right now yet you know if he apologises you will fall back into his arms.
you feel like throwing up all the food you ate. you feel like he ripped your heart from your chest and tore it to pieces. you flinch at the sound of him cussing, broken glass and stomping emanate from behind the door.
the closer it gets, the more your heart aches. you do not want to see him, you do not think you can handle being near him right now.
your breath shakes as you turn on your heel and run towards the staircase. you desperately needed to be anywhere but here.
--
you stare at the door while your heart is in your throat.
"baby, open up." he bangs on it and you sit curled up on the couch wondering if seeing him is worth the pain that will follow.
tears stream down your face when you shut your eyes. "are you seriously not going to let me in?" he raises his voice, roughly twisting the knob and sucking his teeth. he huffs in exasperation.
"i'm sorry, okay? i'm sorry, just open the fucking door." draken speaks lowly. he does not want to alert the people in your apartment complex.
you are stupid.
for him at least because you do as he says.
you barely turn the lock and he forces it open. you see him and all you remember are the things he said last night.
"fuck, how much did you cry?" his thumb strokes beneath your swollen eyes.
you shove his hand away, "why are you here?"
"c'mon, baby, don't be like that." he always ruins you like this. when you try to get away all he does is bring you back.
and you go.
you go because draken fills your heart and no one compares to him. you have known him for far too long to ever let go.
his large palm cups your waist to guide you a few steps back and he shuts the door. he tugs his jacket off, placing it on the hook like that is his designated place.
like he belongs here.
"i wanted to see you." he draws closer. "i needed to see my girl." the tears come again. perhaps they never ceased. you are not his girl. not when he already has one.
"you've seen me, you can get out now." you should know better.
but you do not know when to leave and draken does not know when to let go. he tugs you in.
you hate to be near him as much as you love it. he holds you flush against him, tilting your head back to keep you looking at him. he is horrible. "you get so mad over nothing." you wish you could hate him.
despite you struggling against him, he is unmoved. just like he always is.
"you're so pretty." his plush lips spread in a heart quickening smile. your fingers tighten in the fabric of his shirt, hoping and wishing him away although you are unable to push him back.
"stop imagining emma." he looks almost irritated when you say it.
"don't be stupid." he has to bend down to press his lips to yours. they are soft, like cotton candy fluff. it takes everything in you to not reciprocate as he kisses you without relent. though you are not responsive he sucks down on your bottom lip, nipping the flesh as he pulls away.
"you don't want to kiss me anymore?"
you shake your head and hurt crosses his face. his jaw clenches but desperation is written in his eyes.
"i want you to leave, draken." he flinches, a scowl on his face but he lets you go and you stumble back.
"i make you a little mad and suddenly i'm draken to you?"
"you don't get it, this is done. whatever this was."
he comes closer, at least he tries to. when you back away he seems stunned. "no it's not." you wish he did not know it so well that you are a fool for him.
"baby, what do you want to hear?" he grips your wrists to pull you in again.
"draken, it's done. i'm done, okay? i'm tired." you sob. you want to press your face to his chest and weep your pain away but he is the cause. he is the reason for it all but he is the only one you want comfort from.
"if you're tired, let's sleep. we're not done." he brings you to his chest, presses wet kisses to your cheek like he is not breaking you. "you want me to say sorry? i'm sorry. see, it's better now."
"it's not. just leave. gosh, just get out, draken." you shove at his chest but you swear a part of you dies when he lets you go.
"you want me to get out? fine. when you're done throwing this stupid tantrum and you come running back, i won't listen." his face is covered with anger.
he turns his back, the further he walks away, the more suffocated you feel.
he hears you crying.
it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.
it is gut wrenching and heart shattering.
whether you see it or not, draken is crying too.
---
if draken does not hurt someone, he surely is going to break something. he can feel the glass straining under his fingers. he grips it tighter the longer he sees you with mitsuya.
you are here, looking like the prettiest doll in the world and you are not with him.
you are in blue, the dress clings to your perfect body and a ribbon is laced around your ponytail.
you are wearing blue and so is he.
truthfully, you and draken can never get rid of each other.
he sees you sipping on some fruity cocktail because that is all you ever drink. he loves looking at you, he always looks at you but he can see mitsuya too.
he can see how he leans closer to you, how his smile only grows wider when you laugh at something he says. he can see mitsuya draping his arm around your seat and being so attentive when draken knows he is the only one that should be around you.
why are you letting mitsuya so close to you? you were with draken for a long time, he was the only one right?
he only fumes more when mikey, emma and just about everyone around him agrees that you and mitsuya would make a good couple.
he sees red.
your eyes flicker to draken despite your attempts to ignore him. his hair is draped to a little below his shoulders, his shirt is fitted and from here you can see the rings on his fingers.
you see all those things, you see ripped jeans and black boots. you see emma practically sitting on his lap. you do not care.
you do.
you came to the conclusion that he is not willing to put her in danger.
but he is willing to be a danger to you and your heart.
"is it okay if i touch you?" mitsuya's hand hovers over your waist. you nod while sipping your drink. "you can say no." he quickly follows.
"i don't mind."
he sends you a smile and his hand softly caresses your waist.
"are you doing better? if you need to talk, i'm here for you." he is sweet, he has always been. mitsuya has never been a bad friend to you.
"thanks." you down the rest of your drink before turning to face him. "i'll be fine someday." your head screams at you for lying. draken is here and he is not with you. he is with someone else.
he has always been with someone else.
"i know things have been hard since." he pauses, his hand grasps yours. "since everything but i'd still like to see you. you can still come around like you used to."
his palms are so soft, draken's are not. draken's hands have callouses, they are rough and for some reason they feel like they were meant to touch you.
you consider mitsuya, he is your friend. your eyes glimpse over his features. his thumb strokes your hand and you have just begun to appreciate the feeling of someone other than draken when it is ripped away.
the one holding your wrist feels right even though it hurts.
draken towers above you, he sends mitsuya a stony look before he pulls you up and his hand squeezes your waist.
like he wants to overwrite any other person. like he needs to reclaim the places that are only meant for him and not for another man to touch.
you melt. you thaw like ice and turn into liquid. draken pulls you alongside him and you follow.
you have to take quick steps because his are much larger than yours.
once you are outside of the club, the silence is a stark contrast to the loud music. draken breathes heavily, brushing his hair back.
"were you fucking him?" you flinch when the words come out. that was the last thing you expect him to say.
"i'm not dealing with this, draken." you shake your head but he grips your waist. he holds your body and gathers you in his arms like he always does.
"stop treating me like a stranger." his voice strains. "tell me if you were fucking him on the side."
"you're terrible." tears prick your eyes. he has the audacity to accuse you when he has never been yours. he never gave himself to you.
"you did? was he your back up if i ever stepped out?" his fingers squeeze hard enough to bruise. "i never stepped out on you, not once."
"no, draken. i'm not like you." he is destroying you. whether he knows it or not. you are sure he knows it though because draken knows you better than anyone else.
"then why were you with him, why did you let him touch you?" you try to push him away, you really do. all you want is to lay in his arms and all he does is argue with you.
"who are you to ask me that? we're done, remember?" he grits his teeth, burying his head into your neck. draken breathes in your scent and lets it intoxicate him. you intoxicate him.
"we're never going to be over, baby. not you and me." he kisses at your exposed skin. it makes you want to cry more than you already are.
"you have emma." your voice trembles. you tremble. you feel like you are a tower of cards and you are about to collapse entirely.
draken leans back to meet your eyes, his gaze trails over the tears in your pretty eyes and the pout on your lips. his nose nudges yours and then he kisses you.
he kisses you and you feel him everywhere, all at once. you feel him in his palms gliding down your body. you feel him where his tongue claims your mouth all over again. in the spit that is messily exchanged as he sloppily kisses you.
you feel your blood growing hot enough to warm you completely. he pulls away to repeatedly peck your cheek.
"let me go." you brokenly whisper.
"we're going home, okay? i'm taking you home cause you're my girl."
---
when draken gets you into his apartment, he pulls you flush against him. his hands coax over every curve of your body. "i missed you," his nose nuzzles your cheek and you tense under his touch.
it is difficult to be mad at him and being this close is only breaking your resolve further. you push at his chest but all he does is tighten his hold until you can feel the hard, defined muscle of his abdomen.
he is too tempting.
he laughs though it is not very amused. his large palms, grip your waist before they drift to the hem of your dress and slip beneath it. "you're all dressed up and it isn't for me."
"it's not like that." you cannot protest much because draken grips your jaw, forcing you to look at him. the angle he tilts your head at is incredibly uncomfortable.
"it is, you got this pretty for him." your eyes roll, an annoyed noise leaving you. it did not make sense to dispute it, not when he already came to some conclusion in his head.
his hands cup your face, the thick of his thumb swiping over your lips, smearing the lipstick. "your makeup looks so pretty." his tone of his voice is indecipherable. you cannot seem to understand him these days. you barely have the will to try.
draken cannot stand the idea of you thinking about another man. it does not sit right with him that you got this pretty and went out with someone else.
draken does not need you to do all this for his eyes to be on you. he leans closer and you do not resist, you cannot.
not when his hooded eyes meet yours and your lips brush together. you need affection, his affection. you can not deny that no matter how hard you try to.
his tongue slips out to wet his lips before he tilts his head and kisses you. it is rough, it is desperate, it does not make sense. why does he kiss you like this when he does not love you at all?
he hums into your mouth, tongue slipping inside to brush over everywhere he has already been. places he always comes back to.
your hands bunch his shirt, eyes squeezing shut because you regret it but you still kiss him with the same burning need.
you pull away breathless, turning from him because it is obvious you are not done like you said you were.
"fuck," draken rasps, leaning in again to suck at your bottom lip. his cock pulses at the way you whine. he wipes at the saliva with his thumb before pressing it against your tongue.
"wanna fuck your mouth." you swallow hard, eyes fluttering. you should not, you know you should not but just this? you just need this much and you will leave.
"gonna be a good baby and let me?" the depth of his voice makes a shiver travel down your spine. how can you refuse when he talks like that?
draken never needs much to sway you, regardless of how stubborn you act. you grip his wrist, pushing it away and he is about to grab you right back when your smaller palms trail down his chest.
the corners of his mouth pull up, "there's my girl." it is drawn out and all too smug. his tongue swipes over his teeth like he finally got what he was waiting for.
your fingers dip into the rivets of his chest and abs. he is all hard muscle where you are soft. you slowly situate yourself on your knees, your hands resting on his thighs.
you are eye level with his erection that was straining in his pants since the moment he laid his eyes on you. he is still smiling, he missed the sight of you between his legs.
each and every time he got to see you look up at him like this, it plagued his mind. you keep watching as his dexterous fingers flex, unbuckling his belt and undoing his zip.
"fuck," his hands fidget, his whole body seems to be vibrating. he tugs his shirt up, his deep v-line framed by the waistband of his boxers is revealed to you.
"did you miss it?" he stares at you the second he pushes down his pants enough to let his cock out. it looks painfully hard. it is slightly curved, just the sight of it makes your insides ache.
he is too big.
draken is bordering on perfect. maybe that is why he is such an asshole. your finger swipes over his slit, pre oozing in thick droplets. your eyes trail from the swollen brownish head to the veins that trailed along the underside.
"i did." your confession comes out breathy, thighs clenching together almost on instinct. he hums, holding his length at the base, breath hitching at the sudden contact.
he presses the tip to your lips, the glossy finish of his pre looks better on you than that stupid lipstick. "open," he sighs quietly, focused on the sticky strands of your spit and the way your tongue squirms under the weight of his cock.
"fuck." his lip pulls back in a grin, he is pretty, especially when he has that expression on his face. your mouth encloses the bulbous part, your slick muscle laves around his slit and a low moan reverberates through ken's chest.
your mouth is too warm, too wet. it feels too good around him. the silky walls of your cheeks and the way your tongue always seems to be heated. how could you expect him to not be addicted?
you pull off, saliva dripping down his length and staining your face. you always got so messy, draken's jaw slackens when you run your tongue along his length before taking him back into the wet haven of your mouth.
you sink down on him and tears prick at your eyes because it is so much. your hand grips what you cannot fit before removing your mouth with a sniffle.
he is in awe at how little your hand always looks when it is grasping him. how much softer it is than his, how it struggles to wrap around him properly.
you jerk up and down his length, swallowing hard. there is an excessive amount of saliva in your mouth. you look up at him and he cups your face. your lips come around his cock, gradually hollowing your cheeks to take him more. the salty taste of his pre is in your mouth, somehow you missed it.
half of his cock is within the confines of your mouth and it seems draken was waiting until you could not retort.
"i hope you can still take me... or maybe you got used to less." his jaw locks, the thought of mitsuya getting his claws into you makes ken sick. your eyes flick up to his, streams of tears down your face. your lipstick all smeared.
ken wants it stained around the base of his cock if he is honest.
maybe then you would know it is only for him. his hand tangles into your hair, gripping the roots as a deep groan escapes him. he watches his length disappear past your lips, the walls of your throat fluttering around him, pulsing.
all the muscles squeezing his length make his hips stutter. perspiration coats his skin and his adam's apple bobs with each of his gasps as he sinks more of his cock past your lips.
it takes a while before your cute nose is pressed to his abdomen, nuzzling the short hair. he sighs, the silky walls of your tight throat are wrapped around him like it is only his to claim.
he lets you get used to it, holding you to his base whilst your tongue wriggles beneath his cock and the heat of your mouth covers him entirely. your hands tightly grip the fabric at his thighs, eyes fluttering continuously before they finally stare up at him.
almost like you are waiting for him to use you. he thinks your eyes should not look that wide nor that innocent.
maybe it is because they never changed even as you have grown. as long as draken has known you, you have never had anyone. he wants to be your someone.
his free hand wraps around your neck, there is a prominent bulge from his member and the feel of it beneath his fingers makes him shiver.
"bet you like having me in your throat like this." he practically whines. "fuck, m'agine you're choking on my dick like a slut." he anchors his hand in your hair before he slowly thrusts. he thinks the way your shoulders tense is too cute.
low moans leave him, he grows louder as his speed increases. he cannot leave you alone, not even if he wanted to.
he does not want to.
his head tilts back, he can feel your muscles moving along him, he can feel your tongue trembling at the underside.
your mouth is so slick with him it is easy to glide his length in and out of you. his abs strain, the veins on his abdomen appearing more. there is an impeding feeling inside him.
wet sounds fill the room as he fucks your mouth, the way he dreamed of during those days without you. he wants this back so badly.
he wants you.
tears freely coat your dewy skin. his thumb rubs at your neck, the bulge forming with each thrust pulses under his digit.
"does it hurt, baby? oh, fuck, getting your pretty throat rawed like this." you feel so, so good. the way you feel on him is inconceivable and indescribable. ken wants this forever.
his grip on your hair tightens as more pre cum is spewed into the back of your throat. he humps at your mouth, he cannot do without this, he cannot do without you.
draken's teeth grind, his breathing stuttering, the evident rise of his chest growing laboured all because he is using you. your lips look like they are straining, he can feel your breaths on him. the weight of your fist tugging his pants and pressing against him. he can definitely feel the need to cum approaching quicker than usual.
he is sure it will help with the soreness of your throat right now. ken wants to give you his cum and claim your mouth again.
"only thing you're swallowing is my dick and my cum" he hates the thought of it being anyone else. his head leans back, jaw dropped to moan.
he feels like he is losing his senses, he feels you all over him. his cock throbs in your mouth, slipping in and out of the perimeter of your slicked lips. "such a good fucking girl, feel so good." he bites down on his lip before hot air puffs from his mouth, his chest and shoulders tense.
draken's deep voice is cut by groans. he is there, he is so close. the warm wetness of your mouth, the drool leaking down your jaw, the tight grip of your throat stroking his length. he cannot take it much more.
he shoves himself completely into you, gripping your hair and caressing your face. he feels the muscles squeezing down on him because he is not supposed to be there.
he wipes the tears on your cheeks but it does not make a difference when everything is so messy. draken's hips stutter, his balls coated in saliva are leaning on your jaw.
you are too good. you are perfect.
his cock throbs, he is breathless and panting as his back tenses and an onslaught of cum is poured into your eager throat. there is so much it spews out of your mouth as you try your hardest to swallow it all.
"you're so good to me, baby." you take him so well, you always do.
he feels you swallowing the salty semen, he stills for a moment. the way your throat clenches on him is otherworldly. a tandem of curses leave him before he pulls you back by your hair and his cock slips from your tight throat.
it is obscene, how the mixture of cum and spit drips from your mouth and the sticky strands remain webbed to his cock. "holy fuck." he leans your head back, admiring the dazed look in your eyes.
he is panting, barely maintaining his composure. "you're so nasty, such a pretty cock slut, huh?" his lip tilts up as he says it. you only get like this for him.
his large palms reach down to lace his fingers with yours as he lifts you. his eyes glaze over your swollen lips and the tear streaks staining your cheeks.
he is quick to press his body onto yours and kiss you. it is way too sweet, especially since his taste is still tainting your mouth. he moans, tightly wrapping you in his arms as he kisses you harder.
his teeth hit yours and ken is pushing more into you. a deep hum reverberates through him as his tongue glides along yours. it has more wetness coating between your thighs. you wondered why he fit so perfectly with you when he was not made for you.
"don't show anyone else this pretty face, it's only for me." he huffs barely an inch away. he will not let you get on your knees for another man. not as long as he is alive.
his frivolous fingers grope your ass, tugging the fabric of your dress up. the roughness of his finger tips press against the wetness your pussy has leaked into your panties. his greedy touches are accompanied by wet kisses to your cheeks.
you wish you could resist him and you try, you really do. "draken, enough." your voice is weak and distant, you hold his wrists but you do not do anything to stop him. you want to distance yourself from him. you want to end this, right?
a scowl pulls over kens features, "don't call me that like you weren't just sucking my dick." nothing you do can get you away from him. draken is truly unshakeable even as you push at his built chest.
"i want to go home," you huff, shoving at him harder but all it does is make him grip you until you are hissing in pain. "no." you brows furrow at his refusal.
draken wants you to understand that you are home. he has been dropping signs for you to stay here for years. how dense are you? when will you understand that it is you and him against the world.
"we're either fucking or this is the last time you see me," you stare at him in faux disgust. like the thought of him repulses you because you desperately try to convince yourself of it.
you swallow hard. "i already told you, we're done."
he does not falter, not even a little.
instead he reels you in closer. his harsh touches are gentler now, tracing your cheek and dusting over your lips. his eyes are so intense as he glimpses over your features. he is not holding you to him, not anymore.
you can pull away, you can leave so why don't you? something about draken enamours you until you lose cognisance.
"you don't really want that. you don't want me to go away." his voice is like temptation incarnate. he strokes at your hair, brushing the stray strands back.
perhaps, you are too far gone when it comes to him. he is all you have ever known, how can you leave him now?
he sees your bottom lip tremble at the thought and he is pulling you into his embrace. he tucks you under his chin, right against his heart. "it's okay." you cannot think much when all you can smell and feel is him. when you can still taste him on your tongue. "sleep with me and your ken won't ever leave."
he does not need a verbal response because the empty look in your eyes tells all. you are like a ditzy slut but you are his so he is okay with it.
draken scoops you up into his arms. something he usually does. your fingers dig into the fabric of his shirt whilst he carries you.
everything about you is doll like, from your features to how easily he can do with you as he pleases. you are engulfed by his scent more, if that is even possible. he situates you on his sheets, where you have spent too many nights to count.
you stare at him with wide glassy eyes. what is it that you wanted to say? no? you wanted to say no.
you wanted to be done and you wanted him to leave you alone but the thought makes you nauseous. it makes your heart ache and your ears ring. you cannot fathom being without him.
when his large frame leans down to kiss you gently. when he is cupping your face and tilting your head to deepen it. you cannot say no, not when he is doing all the things you dreamed of.
he is so much bigger than you, in every way. his palms are large and he is covered in muscle. he is tall and intimidating.
he could hurt you. instead his touch coaxes over your waist before he laces his fingers with yours.
"you're so fucking gorgeous." he muses. draken straightens up, looking down at you nestled in his sheets. it is where you belong.
he thinks you look like an angel, one that is fresh out of heaven. your eyes do not leave him as he reaches for the hem of his shirt and swiftly tugs it over his head.
he flashes you a grin, his body flexing beneath your heavy gaze. you are admiring the scars on his skin, the sharpness of his abs and the definition of his biceps. why is he so perfect? why does he always look so stunning?
"like it?" you nod your head as he slips his thumbs into the rivets of his v line and tugs his jeans and boxers down.
he is bare when his knee digs into the mattress and he leans over you. "yeah? you like me?" his hand pets your hair, like you are a dumb puppy begging for praise. your cunts leaking from everything he does, you can feel the liquid dripping from your slit to your ass. "you love me. you do" draken groans.
you nod so eagerly, your throat feels constricted, you are so overwhelmed. everything he says is true. everything he does makes you want him more, love him more.
his strong arms wrap around you, the touch of his fingers on your spine makes you arch up. he is finally unzipping your dress after craving to do it for so long. he kisses your mouth softly, trailing down your neck and continuing over every inch of skin that is revealed as he tugs the fabric down.
draken settles on his knees, his hot breath hitting your breasts and wet, open mouthed kisses are left down your stomach. he huffs, his nose digging into your flesh as his hot tongue slips out. it presses into your abdomen, just above your cunt.
you grip the sheets, the sharpness of his dark eyes meet yours as the length of his tongue trails over your tummy.
there is so much tension in the air it is almost suffocating, you find yourself wishing his tongue was inside you already.
he leans back, thumbs hooking into your panties and stripping you bare of all your clothes. the slick between your legs is sticky to your panties, so soaked they are peeled away.
you swallow hard as draken's hands cup the back of your knees and spread you open for him.
"you have the prettiest cunt, i swear." he whistles. his eyes grow darker the longer he stares. he is entranced by how easy you are to wind up. "all you did was suck some cock and you're dripping." there is a hum deep in his chest.
you are left staring up at him dumbly as he admires you. you cannot formulate a coherent thought aside from him. he is the only thing in your head. your ken.
your body feels unbelievably warm, inside and out with all his fleeting touches. he leans down, your thighs propped on his shoulders as he gets closer to your slick cunt.
you feel like you are intoxicated somehow. maybe it is the alcohol but you only feel this high when he is the one touching you.
his middle and ring finger glide over your sopping entrance. a whine escapes you, fingers tightening in his sheets as he slips one of the lengthy digits inside you. he does not stop, not at all. it is relentlessly pressed all the way to his knuckle.
even as you whimper, even though your walls pulse around him. his eyes do not leave yours when the length of his tongue slips out. a thick glob of saliva slipping from the tip to your already messy cunt.
the pinkness of his lips enclose around your stiff clit. his tongue gliding along it as he sucks and the other coated finger is forcing its way inside.
he needs to stretch you out and fast. he needs you ready to take him. "ken!" it is high pitched, bordering on a whine. you grip his hair. you are already panting, already wanting more.
draken's free hand glides from your hip to grip your waist. he moans into your pussy, the vibration travelling through your entire being. his fingers pump into you with messy sounds. it is like you are sucking them in, as if you do not want to let him go.
wet squelches echo through the room, slick leaks from you and stains his digits.
"there's my girl, keep saying ken." his tongue prods your stilted bundle of nerves, sucking on it like he has done before.
he knows your body like the back of his hand. knows that every curl of his fingers within your dripping cunt has your hips stuttering and your back arching up.
he knows that his mouth on your clit makes your eyes water and your jaw hang open. knows that those moans are because he is hitting so deep inside, you cannot control yourself.
you are breathless when his fingers slip out and his mouth encloses your dripping slit. his tongue is pushed in entirely. you are squealing at the wet muscle that wriggles along your walls.
draken's eyes roll back at the taste of your cunt and he moans. he went without it, without you for too long. he does not think he can do it again.
he will not let himself be without you for that long ever again.
you cry his name, fingers gripping his hair for some semblance of self control. the tighter you hold, the harder he sucks on you.
draken feels like he could spend forever between your legs. like he could die happy if the last thing he tasted was you. his mouth has you drooling and cross eyed. it has your thighs trembling and you bite your lips so much they are raw.
ken is the only one who gets you like this, he is the only one who will ever get the opportunity. "feels good. so good. s'deep." you babble on and on and ken thinks it is the cutest.
he is lapping at your cunt like a man who is deprived of water. honestly, he is and he is upset with you. of course he is.
who did you think you were staying away from him?
he pulls back, slick coating his lips and covering his tongue. "wanna cum." you mewl and his brows raise. his fingers slip right back inside you, all at once. he does not miss a beat as he fucks them into you. "think you deserve it? you haven't been nice, babe." he presses his face to your plush thigh.
gazing up at your expression, you already look like you are fucked dumb. "m'sorry, sorry, ken. i'm sorry." you whimper, dainty fingers reaching for his hand to hold it.
you are such a baby.
what did you get by acting like this aside from making him obsessed with you?
it is such an adorable apology but you spent days away from him. he could hardly function, why did you think it was okay to do that to him? he is catching tears in your eyes, like crystals that are priceless. he sees your snotty nose and pouted lips.
he truly cannot let go of you.
his fingers quicken and your head hits the sheets, leaning back as your hips rock. "close, baby?" your head bobs quickly, "so closeee." your voice is all drawled and heavy with desire.
his mouth covers your cunt again, still fucking into you as your entire body heats up. your stomach feels like there are a million knots within it.
you are crying out his name so adorably, ken cannot help but grin a bit while he is making out with your pussy. your hand squeezes his, nails nicking his skin as you rock your hips against his face. the burning in your abdomen intensifies, only growing greater.
your thighs shift closer together but he is there to stop them, your back arches completely off the mattress when you reach that high. your mind feels white hot, vision going blurry because he does not stop even as you cum.
your tongue is practically lolling out as he laps at your cunt and your body vibrates from the feeling. high pitched moans fill the room all breathy and desperate.
your chest heaves, gripping ken's hand as you try to find your bearings. you can feel his breath hit your entrance, he does not make a move from where he is.
"those days you were ignorin' me." he pauses, his fingers dig into your thigh. you can feel him squeezing your hand tightly, it is not as gentle as it started.
"did you let him see you like this?" your eyes flutter, trying your hardest to steady your breathing. "i didn't sleep with him." you mumble, leaning into the softness of the pillows. your body feels exhausted already.
ken roughly pulls away from you, the sudden jolt shocks you but he is over you in a second. his hand grips your jaw, gaze narrowed. "don't lie." his voice is low in warning. it is hard to keep a straight face when cum is covering his lips and dripping down his face. it makes you flustered completely. his eyes stare into yours as though he is attempting to read your soul.
"m'not lying to you, ken." you shove at his chest but all draken does is grip both your wrists to tug your body down the bed.
he has your legs on either side of his waist and his cock's resting on your stomach. he can see where he will reach once he is inside. his hands caress your thighs, trailing to your hips that he grips lightly.
he leans down to claim your lips, your slick rubbing onto you and resting on your tongue. your body feels weak but your arms wrap around his neck and bring him closer. fingers wound in his hair as you kiss him more desperately, more lovingly. you wish he would believe you, when have you ever betrayed him?
his palm slips between your spread legs, prodding your entrance and you pull away from his mouth with a hiss. you are pushing at his forearm but ken does not approve at all, it is evident in his expression.
"ken, wait for a bit..." you are still unbearably sensitive. he does not see it that way, instead his head tilts, eyes so dark they seem black.
"did mitsuya loosen you up for me?" his tone is covered with anger, he feels sick to his stomach. he is being tortured by images of you and him. ken cannot take it, not at all.
your eyes widen at his words, stilling for a moment. "don't talk to me like i'm some slut." there is a frown tugging ken's lips down. you were doing so well, everything was going so well and now he is upset about things that never happened.
"you are, you were fucking him too." he grits out, jaw clenching tightly. the thought makes him want to throw up. it makes him want to hurt mitsuya for ever putting his hands on you.
"i didn't do that, ken. when did you stop trusting me?" your chest heaves, brows furrowed in dismay.
"since you started being a whore." your lip trembles, eyes filling with tears that burn. your throat feels like if you speak you will break down into tears.
you turn your head away from him, sniffles leaving you as you desperately fight tears. they still coat your cheeks like an endless waterfall.
you did not want to break down in front of him, you did not want him to see how easily he makes you cry. it is too late when you are in his room, on his bed with your heart ripped out of your chest and given to him. your body shakes with sobs, squeezing your lids shut.
"why do you always do this to me?" your voice is broken. the second his fingers stroke your face, you wonder why you always give him this power.
why do you let him him make you cry and break you down without consequence? "because i want you here." he breathes, his large palms encasing your breasts and rubbing at your nipples.
he kisses you even as you cry, even as you sob into his mouth but it is okay because you let him slip his tongue inside.
you are still okay with him biting on your bottom lip and kissing you like this. his touch trails down your stomach to your hips.
a sigh leaves him as he reaches for his hard erection, so much pre cum leaking from his swollen tip. he guides the head between your spread folds.
an excessive amount of slick coating him while he drags it along your opening. your pussy seems to miss him as much as you did because your treacherous body is growing hotter.
you both looking at where he breaches you, your breath catches at the thickness of his head is forced into your gummy walls. "real fuckin tight." ken whistles, his abs tenses because he is seconds away from fucking the entire thing into you.
your cunt is like nirvana, your insides squeeze down on him although he barely put the tip in.
"i missed you." he huffs, his fingers dig into the thick flesh of your thighs, his hips slowly surging forward and making you cry. "c'mon open up, relax for me." he thrusts again, your back arches up.
you whimper his name, ken loves the way you say it. his thumb swipes over the barely there lipstick on your mouth before he is pressing it inside.
your spit filled mouth encloses around the digit and ken grins. his eye brows knit together at the slick sound that comes from your pussy gripping him.
your silky walls are pulsing around him uncontrollably. ken wishes he could be inside you forever. he rolls your clit, your cunt gushing over his cock and he only fucks more of himself into you with each thrust.
your hand presses against ken's abdomen but he is so much stronger. he clicks his tongue. "don't try to run from it. y'know you can take it." his voice is so deep it's almost gravelly. your resistance is trembling.
"i can feel your pretty cunt squeezing me, i know you want more" his thumb slips further into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat until you gag. "i know you want to be stuffed full, you missed it, didn't you?" you nod dumbly.
he thinks you look pretty like this, swollen lips and messy hair. filled with cock and sucking on his thumb like you are made for it. you are, you are made for him.
it takes one particularly hard thrust before he is completely inside of you. his entire cock throbs alongs your pulsing walls, your body tenses because you feel so unbearably full.
you whine, you swear he is nudging your cervix. you can feel him in your stomach, you can see where the head of his cock has it bulging. you moan his name and all it does is make ken smile.
his girth stretches you out so much that it burns. you are left with your chest heaving as he pulls your leg onto his shoulder and he holds the other open.
he can see your cunt spread open around him, your pelvis is flush to his, your insides are holding him so tightly he feels like he can barely move.
his hips slam into you, your body jolts and your legs shake. he leans over, lifting you until your ass is off the bed and fucks you the way he was dying to in all the days you were not with him. "baby, baby, you're perfect" he pants. "got the sweetest cunt."
the lengthy locks of ivory hang on either side of his face, he looks too pretty. you are a whimpering, drooling mess beneath his large frame.
you press on the spot that distends your tummy with each pump of his hips. you both sigh at the feeling. ken is looking at where you are taking him between your legs, where his cock slips in and out completely doused in your juices.
you are met with the chain you got him. it hangs in your face and the anklet he got you is right next to his ear. in mockery, in proof, you are not quite sure.
when draken fucks you like this he wonders why it was so difficult for you to accept that you are his.
your fists find the soaked sheets, your body feels hot and sweat coats your skin. you feel like there is cotton in your head. tears stream down your cheeks and traces of saliva are on your lips. you are always so easily lost in him.
your eyes squeeze shut, he is pounding you into the sheets like you are a sex doll. ken is all you can feel, all you can think about. you sigh in contentment. you are hardly coherent.
"ken, you're so big." you mewl, his fingers dig into your skin, his nails pressing against the flesh.
"yeah? you missed me fucking you? missed having my cock deep in this pussy? pretty girl, all you think about is my dick." you whine and his voice is filled with amusement.
growing breathy the longer he is wrapped in your vice walls and covered in your viscous liquid.
he slams his hips to yours, each dragging you along his length. you can feel his skin sticky everywhere you are touching him.
your cream forms a white ring along the base of his cock and leaks down his balls. "messy." he clicks his tongue. your little body looks so precious under him.
you are taking a cock that is way too big for you but you take it so well.
you always do.
you can hardly think when he is shoving so deep inside that you swear he is bruising your cervix. a light clink and the coldness of metal on your forehead has your eyes opening in confusion.
"ken?" he does not stop moving. your body shakes and you writhe from his brutal ministrations. "you scared, baby?" he grins, his hand comes down to rest on your sternum and he leans over you more.
you are not scared, it should worry you that you are not scared in the slightest.
you trust him with your life.
even as he holds a gun to your head you cannot find it in yourself to be afraid of him.
it should worry you even more that the only thing that generates a reaction from you is him pressing the same gun to his temple.
you jerk.
"stop!" you cannot even reach for his hand when he is holding you down like this. you are so insanely confused.
a new influx of tears streaming from your eyes as your pleas fall on deaf ears. you wish he would stop being reckless.
"isn't that cute? now you care." he pauses his hips, your nails dig into his forearm but draken does not flinch.
he accuses you when he is the only thing you care about, the only thing you ever think of.
"i want to you to know, this is what will happen if you leave me again." your lips part in shock, his eyes are dark. so dark.
there is an overwhelming feeling of worry washing over you.
"ken, this is crazy." your voice cracks as you cry.
"is it?" you are painfully away that his cock is throbbing inside you. "it's crazy that you were running around with some other guy."
"i wasn't, i swear i wasn't."
"are you going to leave me, baby? that's all i need to know." his hand leaves your sternum to stroke your cheek. it is so gentle.
your heart feels like it has taken too much pain to work. "you don't want me." it hurts. it hurts but you know it is true.
drakens lips pulled back in a scowl. his expression is unreadable, he is unreadable. you never understand him.
he applies pressure to the trigger and nausea fills your senses. your scream bloody murder because you have to look at him hold a gun to his head but you cannot do anything. he does not allow you.
"promise you won't leave." he says and you cry, pleading endlessly. you cannot handle losing him in any capacity. you cannot lose him at all.
"m'sorry, please don't" your throat feels so tight, it hurts to speak. "i won't leave so please stop!" you hiccup, holding his hand and praying he can see the desperation in your eyes.
"say it again" his eyes grow hooded, like those words falling off your tongue are music to his ears. you only sob harder.
"i won't ever leave you. i promise i won't." you voice is hoarse and wavering. your eyes do not move from the metal barrel aimed at his head.
you are fretting in worry but ken looks glad. he looks delighted even. the flash of his teeth makes you swallow.
"and you love me?" his head tilts. "i do." you whisper. you have never told him that before.
how could you protect your heart if you were professing your love for him? right now it does not seem to matter.
"i love you, ken. always did." your voice is barely audible, you swear the pounding of your heart is louder than it.
"close your eyes." you shake your head, completely confused. you are terrified.
"do it if you love me." tears leak from your eyes because now you do not have a choice. you shake with sobs as you close your eyes.
"good girl, such a good girl. you're always so perfect for me." draken's body covers yours, his nose nuzzling your face and you cry harder when he kisses your skin.
"please, ken, please, please." your arms wrap around him, fingers finding purchase in his skin because you cannot see him.
"are you scared?" you nod your head with a broken whimper.
"please, ken, i love you. i need you." you cannot see the grin that crosses his face but draken is all too pleased.
his mouth meets your ear "i need you too." you feel an ounce of relief and then the shrill of a gun unloading makes you scream.
it is so loud you instantly feel sick. your entire body trembles, your scream aches your throat and shakes everything in the apartment.
your heart feels like it jumped out of your chest and you are expecting blood or a body but instead you hear draken's low laugh and your eyes open.
"don't leave again or it'll be a bullet." it seems he is finally satisfied. he drops the gun to the sheets and you shove it further away.
his palm cups your cheek and brings your attention back to him. he wipes at your tears, cooing at your miserable expression.
"you only have me to love. remember that." you cannot process his words. your chest is heavy, breathing stuttered by panic. still racked with sobs but you are reaching for him.
his large frame is tugged down over you, practically covering you completely. your leg is pressed closer to your chest. he is so warm, you can feel his skin and remind yourself that he is here.
he causes all your troubles yet he is the only person capable of comforting you. "relax." he coos but it only makes you cry harder.
your body trembles against him but all ken has to do is wrap his arms around you and your worries lessen. "please, never again." because you swear your heart will stop beating if he put a gun to his head for a second time.
he pacifies you with sweet caresses along your hair before he pulls back. he smiles when you whimper, drying your cheeks but they are freshly coated with new tears. you are touching at his skin frantically, anything to remind yourself that he is really with you.
"gonna let me fuck you like you deserve? since you were such a good girl." his eyes do not leave yours, he nods his head and you find yourself nodding along with him despite how far gone your mind is.
draken hums, leaning over you as your legs wrap around his toned waist. he smiles, swiping at your tears, pressing the sweetest kiss to your lips before he trails down your neck.
your eyes flutter, breathing finally slowing but a gasp escapes your lips as his mouth encloses your nipple. you swallow hard, thighs tensing around him.
his eyes flick up to yours, face all too smug when his hips begin to rock. his teeth scrape the skin of your nipple, tongue flicking over it as he pulls away.
"like when i play with these cute tits of yours?" you are too flustered, way too dazed and dumb. your head leans away, why does he make you feel like this? his deep voice has your cunt leaking and your heart beating out of your chest.
"don't act shy, your pussy's squeezing me so hard, i know you like it." you do not have a chance to deal with the way his words have settled heat into your bones because his mouth encloses over your throat to leave more marks.
his thrusts are growing faster, rougher and you find yourself melting into a puddle, like dough you become whatever he wants.
you are only capable of moaning his name so prettily that draken's insides grow fuzzy. you are so good, too good. your hand slips into the lengthy strands of his hair.
"ken." you tug him closer, you wonder how much closer he can get than being deep enough to hit your cervix. you want him closer than his lips brushing against yours every time he fucks his hips into yours. you want him closer than the way your nipples are grazing his hard chest.
you want to crawl into his skin and make it your home.
you want him.
you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders, your tongue slipping into his mouth when you pull him down. you can feel his blunt nails digging into your skin, he is bruising your waist and hips.
spit coats your mouths like gloss. "ken, i love you, i love you." you never said it to him, regardless of the countless times you thought it when you looked at him.
hearing those words roll off your tongue almost makes draken cum instantly. you are finally able to say it and you want to take advantage of it.
"fuck. you're mine. not mitsuya's, not anyone else's." his cheeks are reddened, the sharpness of his thrusts makes your back arch off the sheets. his chest heaves, the brown of his eyes stare into yours "you're mine."
you nod because it is all you ever wanted. you say yes, you sign yourself over to him entirely. you would do it in this lifetime and every single one that came after.
you cannot think at all, your jaw hanging open, your nails digging into his skin. you can feel the sting against your thighs with every thrust. something about the way he crowds over you, so much bigger, covered in muscle makes your insides hotter.
it makes you burn with want and need. your legs wrap around his waist tighter. feeling ken's hand grip your throat. you want him in every way.
you want him to fuck you like this and kiss you sweetly later. you want draken more than you have ever wanted anything else. and draken wants you like that too.
"you're my girl, my slut," he huffs into your face and the whine that leaves you is atrocious. the feeling he stirs up inside you with just those words is insane.
"maybe if i knocked your pretty ass up, you'd stop acting so stupid" he slams his hips into yours, he thrust so hard that he opens up the inside of your gummy walls every time and hits so deep you lose yourself a little bit more.
all draken can think about is pouring load after load into your leaking hole and giving you his baby. all he wants is to pound inside of you until there is no doubt that you will be swollen with his seed.
"huh? if i gave you a baby to take care of, you wouldn't have time to get mad at me" you mewl, your nails dig into his skin. he leans down to messily kiss you. his spit feels sticky in your mouth, he kisses harder, his cock being fucked into you so roughly your head blanks.
"pussy feels so good inside. you're going to take it right? all for me? going to take my cum and keep it in this cute cunt?" you cry when he pounds particularly hard and you can feel every inch of him.
you bob your head in agreement although you have no clue what he says.
"ken i love you so much." you babble, tears leak down your face.
"yeah? i should give you something then, since you're so good. should stuff this tight little hole with so much cum. you want it, pretty baby?" draken flashes you a grin when you nod. your eyes flutter, he pounds his hips harder and harder.
his movements grow uneven, he groans into your face. pressing soft kisses to your cheeks. he loses himself in the feeling of your vice walls squeezing him.
"you'll make such a pretty mommy." his forehead meets yours, you whimper so adorably when you clamp down and your pretty cunt creams all over him.
even then draken does not give you a moment's rest.
he curses lowly, his hips press flush to yours, only pulling out partially before slamming roughly into you. your body writhes with oversensitivity. you claw at his flesh, crying softly.
when he cums you swear it burns. it paints every inch of your walls and the sticky strands of cum seem never ending. it pools in your cunt and seeps around the perimeter of his thick cock.
he is panting over you, his face buried in your neck and your fingers slip into his hair. you stroke it even as he remains inside you. even as ken wraps his arms tighter around you and he presses kisses to your throat. "don't leave." he whispers so softly into your skin that you would have missed it.
"i won't." you mumble back and he huffs a heavy sigh like the reassurance is everything he needs and more. his strong arms squeeze you, fingers taunt on your skin as he coddles you against him. your legs tighten around his waist and you really think that this is what bliss truly is.
he does not want to let you go, he does not want to leave you.
his mouth presses into yours, gently kissing you, he peppers kisses to your face before he leans back. a whine escapes you when he slips his cock from your pussy.
you can feel the cum he kept plugged inside you gushing out and your body tenses. it finally dawns on you what he did. draken's eyes trail from your messy cunt to your expression and he is bothered by the unsureness contorting your features.
he presses a deep kiss to your mouth, almost like he wants to remind you it is him, that it is okay because it's him, that you were going to be with him one way or another. he caresses your face and you pursue your lips as he stands from the bed and goes to the bathroom.
you are stuck in your thoughts, your eyes on him when he reenters the room and he starts wiping you off. you are sore and tired yet you cannot seem to sleep because what does this mean for you and him?
once he is done he climbs into the bed with you, he tucks himself along your side, his bicep your pillow and his nose nuzzling your cheek. you are both still completely bare, his arm wraps around your waist and it is silent for a moment before his deep voice flitters through the air.
"do you think it took?" your brows raise, eyes slightly alarmed. what does he mean by that? you know what he means. you swear it was all in the heat of the moment.
your eyes meet his, "what?" you are exasperated but draken is unphased.
"my seed." it makes a shiver run down your spine. you furrow your brows, you are not sure what you should say.
"i don't know... i don't think so," you cannot picture yourself pregnant, not right now. you never thought he would want that, not with you.
you are surprised by how disheartened he seems.
"we can keep trying." his hand trails along your waist until it sits low on your stomach. you are stunned, you are entirely in disbelief. he gently strokes the flesh while your thoughts are a jumbled mess.
when his gaze meets yours, he smiles. it is too dangerous.
"i hope our baby has your eyes."
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i didn't think this would be so long
i have a nanami fic that's almost done and it is just as long !
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lovelybucky1 ¡ 1 year ago
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Nice Guys Finish Last
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Kinktober Day 9- Hair Pulling
warnings: hair pulling, oral sex (f!receiving), name calling, face riding, dom/sub dynamics, fwb(?), crime, tattooed and pierced anakin, 18+ minors DNI
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kinktober masterlist
Picking up Anakin from the police station yet again is not what you thought you’d be doing with your night. Your he is always getting into some kind of trouble and it always somehow becomes your responsibility to save his sorry ass.
It’s the third time this month you’ve had to get him and to say you’re pissed is an understatement. You honestly couldn’t believe the officer when he told you Anakin was taken in for vandalism. He was caught tagging a building with some buddies. How fucking juvenile.
You signed the proper paperwork and Anakin was following you out of the station. Somehow, with his pretty boy charm, he always gets off with a warning. Some day he won’t be so lucky, and you may not feel bad for him when that day comes.
“I can’t fucking believe you, Anakin!” you yell once you’re in the car.
“I don’t want to hear it,” Anakin huffs.
“Don’t give me that. I’m the one bailing you out in the middle of the night for fucking around with a can of spray paint.”
Anakin glares at you from the passenger seat. “Thanks,” he mutters.
“Why am I always the one you call? You know I won’t let you rot at the station and all your other friends are getting arrested with you?” It’s a rhetorical question; you know that’s exactly why you’re his call.
“You’re my best friend. That’s why you’re the one I call,” he says. “Sorry if I’m such an inconvenience for you.”
“Do not guilt trip me, Anakin. You are so fucking irresponsible and yeah, you are inconveniencing me because it’s Saturday night and I had plans that I left to come save you.”
Anakin raises his eyebrows at the mention of plans. “What plans?”
“Is that fucking important right now?”
Anakin wiggles his snakebites with his tongue as he looks at you. “Was it a date?”
You sigh heavily. “Yes it was.”
“First date?”
“Third.”
Anakin makes a huh noise faintly and you want to press him about it, but figure it’s better just to get him home and out of your sight before you punch him.
You start the car and pull out of the police station parking lot. You drive in silence for a few minutes, not having put on the radio in your rage.
“You weren’t drunk, were you?” you ask.
“Jesus,” he says, offended. “No, I wasn’t drunk.”
“Don’t act like that’s not a valid question. Do you have any idea how much stupid shit you do when you’re drunk?”
Anakin kicks his foot up on the dashboard and you quickly slap his thigh so he doesn’t scuff up your car with his obnoxious boot.
Before long, you turn into the parking lot of Anakin’s apartment complex and park in your usual spot. He gets out of the car, then you follow.
“You’re coming in?”
“I missed dessert. It’s the least you could do.”
Anakin attempts to smile at you, but that venture is short lived when he sees your annoyed expression illuminated by the street lights.
The two of you walk into the building and up the two flights of stairs to get to his door. He lets you in and you immediately walk over to the freezer, searching for something sweet.
“Ben’s out tonight,” he says.
“So was I, but you didn’t ask Ben to pick you up,” you respond, head still in the freezer.
“Come on, are we really gonna do this all night? Ben and I aren’t close like we are.”
You pick up a pint of half-eaten ice cream and close the freezer before opening all of the drawers until you find the spoons. You take the lid off the container and lean against the counter, glaring at Anakin where he sits at the counter.
“How was your date,” he asks.
“It was good until you dragged me away from it.”
Anakin looks down at his hands and twiddles his thumbs. “Where’d he take you?”
You fill your mouth with a spoonful of ice-cream. “The restaurant on 15th,” you respond.
Anakin furrows his brows. “That place is a dump. Why would he take you there?”
“It’s not about the food, it’s about the company.”
Anakin scoffs. “It sounds like your company is a cheap asshole who doesn’t know how to treat you.”
You stare silently at Anakin while thoughts race through your mind. The first time you got Anakin from the police station was right after your first date, and you were late your second date because you had to drive Anakin home. In an instant, anger seethes inside of you. You drop the ice cream and spoon on the countertop and storm over to the back of Anakin’s chair.
He turns his head to track your movements. When you reach him, you twist your fingers in his dark hair and pull. His head snaps back and he whines in protest.
“You son of a bitch,” you hiss.
“What?” he asks.
“You’ve been purposely ruining my dates by getting arrested.” He whimpers at the painful tug on his roots. “You can’t tell me it’s a coincidence that I’ve had to get you when I was on dates.”
“Let me go and we can talk about this,” he tries to reason.
“No, Anakin. You’re perfectly capable of talking to me like this.”
Anakin sighs. “He’s not good enough for you.”
“You’ve never even met him,” you scoff.
“I don’t need to! I know he isn’t.”
Anakin tries to look at you upside down. He’s playing with his lip rings again, a nervous habit of his.
“And how the fuck would you know that?” you ask.
“Because he’s not me.”
You freeze, and for a moment your grip on his hair loosens. “What?”
Anakin fights against your hold and manages to break free. He stands up from the stool and faces you, the tension in his brows obvious.
“I don’t want you to date that guy. Fuck, I don’t want you to date any guy. Everyone you’ve ever dated has been an asshole and you don’t deserve that.”
“So, what, you’re not an asshole?”
“I am, but I would treat you right.”
“By getting arrested every night for stupid shit?”
Anakin groans. “Can we please stop talking about it?”
You narrow your eyes at him as realization dawns on you. “Were you trying to cockblock me?” Anakin doesn’t respond. All he does is look down at his yellow laced boots to hide the flush on his cheeks. “It was my third date tonight and you knew that. You didn’t want me to go home with him.”
“Christ, no, it’s not like that-”
“Then what is it, Anakin?”
He crosses his arms over his chest. “I just don’t get what you see in him.”
“He’s nice.”
Anakin chuckles. “You don’t want nice.”
“You have no idea what I want.”
Anakin steps forward to crowd you against the counter. You’re not intimidated by him, despite the height difference. Anakin may be bigger and stronger in pretty much every physical way, but you know he wouldn’t hurt you. And you know his weak spot.
“Tell me, then. What do you want?”
“A nice guy with a good job, life goals, and no criminal record.”
Anakin places his hands on the counter on either side of your body. “But does nice make you cum?”
You gasp. “Anakin!”
“I’m serious. Does your nice, regular guy do it for you?” He looks intently at your face, searching for an answer. “Or is it only guys with tattoos and a criminal record that gets your blood pumping like this?”
“We’re friends, Anakin,” you say instead of answering his question.
“That doesn’t have to change.” You sigh and look over your shoulder to collect yourself for a moment, needing a break from Anakin’s piercing gaze. “You’re angry at me and I’m sure you’re pent up because you were planning on getting fucked tonight. Kill two birds with one stone and fuck me.”
“I can’t believe you,” you say, looking back at him.
He smirks, biting his lip. “It’ll be good, I promise. You can hit me, bite me, scratch me, whatever. Use me however you want and you’ll see why nice isn’t better.”
“Fine,” you bite.
“Where do you want me?” he asks.
You look around the open floor plan apartment. “The couch.”
“Not the bed?”
“Nice guys fuck on beds. I thought you were different.”
Anakin backs off of you and walks over to the couch, sitting lazily as we waits for you to come over. His arms are splayed over the back and his legs are spread obnoxiously. You sit on the couch next to him and look at him expectantly.
“You’re not gonna kiss me?” you ask.
Anakin shrugs. “I don’t kiss sluts.”
You raise your eyebrows at that. “I’m a slut?”
“Oh yeah,” he leans closer to you, grasping gently at your jaw. “That’s why we’re a good match. You’re a slut who needs to be fucked hard and dirty, and I’m a bad guy who loves sluts like you.”
Despite yourself, your heart rate picks up. You’re watching his lips, noticing how his tongue swipes across them. Anakin trails his hand up your thigh and inches it closer to your clothed pussy.
“I’m not gonna sit here and let you talk to me like that after the shit you pulled.”
Anakin backs off, his hands now kept to himself. “I’m all yours.”
You make a split second decision to crawl into his lap, and now that you’re seated on top of his thighs, you’re unsure what to do. His body is firm with muscle underneath you. You know he goes to the gym but you’ve never experienced his strength for yourself.
You push up the hem of his t-shirt and he takes the hint, raising his arms so you can pull it off. You’re met with the sight of his abs and chest covered with tattoos and the barbells that go through his nipples. You realize you’ve never seem him like this before and you curse yourself for not getting a glimpse sooner.
“You like what you see?” he asks cockily.
“Shut up, Anakin.”
You run your hands over his chest, dragging your nails down it to leave red marks on the pale skin. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of fucking you, but you are incredibly horny and need to get off.
“Lay down.”
He raises his eyebrows at you. “Talking to me like I’m a dog?”
“Yeah, I am. So be a good boy and lay down.”
You stand up from his lap and take off your bottoms while he changes positions. His legs are outstretched on the couch and his head is flat against the cushion.
You kneel on the couch, knees on either side of his head and you watch as he stares at your pussy.
“Like what you see?” you ask.
“Fuck yeah, I do. Been thinking ‘bout tasting this cunt since we met.”
Anakin reaches up to grab your hips and he pulls you down onto him. His nose hits your mound first, then you sit your pussy onto his mouth and chin.
He looks up at you from between your thighs as his tongue begins to explore between your folds. You wiggle your hips on top of him to get more friction, and to humiliate him a little by using him.
His nose bumps your clit as he licks thick stripes over your pussy. Anakin is attempting to taste every inch of you, and fuck, it feels good.
You reach down and grab his spiked hair with both hands like their reigns. You adjust yourself on his face so he’s hitting all the spots you want him to.
“Fuck, put your tongue inside me,” you order.
He does, and when you feel the hot muscle slide into you, you tug firmly on his hair. He groans into your pussy and fucks you with enthusiasm.
You pull on his hair again and his eyelids flutter. He clearly likes getting his hair pulled, and you enjoy causing him a little bit of pain.
“You got arrested all those times because you wanted me to sit on your fucking face? Why didn’t you just ask?”
You didn’t lift up so he could answer. It was a rhetorical question and if he stopped sucking on your clit, you would kill him.
“You were right, a nice guy wouldn’t let me drown him in my pussy.”
You grind down on his face and tug his head up to meet your body as you feel yourself getting closer.
“Don’t fucking stop, Anakin. I’m gonna cum,” you say.
His eyes are squeezed shut and his brows have a deep crease between them as he concentrates on pleasing you despite the ache that’s surely in his jaw.
“Fuck,” you gasp as you reach your peak.
Your thighs tighten around his head and he sucks firmly at your pussy to ride you through it. Your hips buck up, searching for more friction until your high passes.
You remain on him, but lean your hands back on his thighs to catch your breath. Your chest his heaving and your legs are shaking a bit.
Anakin pushes up on your thighs, signaling you to get off of him. You slide from his face down to his hips and straddle him there.
His hair is a mess, his face is wet, and his lips are swollen and red. “How was that?” he asks, voice rough.
“Nice,” you respond with a smirk.
Anakin glares at you. He sits up and grabs your hips tightly to hold you still as he grinds his hips on your ass. He spanks you with his right hand, making you gasp in surprise.
“I thought I got to do whatever I wanted?”
“You got your chance,” Anakin grumbles. “Now I’m not gonna be so nice.”
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lonestardust ¡ 1 year ago
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THIS SCENE DESTROYS ME EVERY SINGLE TIME. and carlos face here.. god..... first the relief and confidence he felt when he was asked to do a favor. because sure! finally. yes. he is here and he CAN and WANT to help, because he got immediately nonplussed when he recognised how dangerous and painful this moment is and so he didn't want to get it wrong. only to realise for good that OH......... there are things i can't control or help with.. at least not in a way I'm aware of.. but with his sheer force of love for tk he figures it so beautifully at the end
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TK trying not to cry at work and then crying at home with Carlos.
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thisisbeefjerky ¡ 2 months ago
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FUCK MAN. This is spoilers for x files fight the future if you don’t wanna see that, but I’m right in the middle of it and I’m freaking out and I need to rant about this
Ok so don’t get me wrong, I knew about the almost kiss in Fight the Future. Hell I’ve seen the clip of the outtake, the actual kiss (give it up for the 2 hottest people on the planet deciding to gift us with that take), but Nobody prepared me for what happens in the actual scene
First of all the dialogue before it, where he’s chasing her down begging her not to leave because he can’t do this without her, and it’s desperate but it’s not dramatic, it’s just true. He can’t he doesn’t want to do this without her because they complete each other. Every time she’s gone he’s just untethered, and he admits this to her but he can’t tell her why, he can’t bring himself to tell her that he loves her
AND THEN It’s only when she initiates an intimate act of the hug that he feels safe enough to take the next step, because he’s terrified, I just know his heart is pounding leading up to that move, he is just lost in her and you can Tell, and it Hurts to watch because you can tell they’re feeling so strongly
And Scully just seems like she’s completely awash in emotion, I can’t credit enough dd and ga’s performances in this because Gosh the complexity of emotion in her face, there’s the doubt, there’s the grief at potentially losing him, and the guilt of it possibly being by her own hand, there’s the fear of staying behind and holding him back, there’s the fear of being too close and not being good for him.
I mean she has the Gall to suggest that she’s never done anything to help Mulder since they met, she seems to really believe it too or she wouldn’t have made the choice to resign in the first place, and it seems like the reason she starts crying at all is the idea, made explicit and impossible to dismiss, that he wants her and needs her, and when she has that confirmed she just melts into him, and like. ow.
But what kills me the most about this scene that’s different from the outtake clip is his reaction to her jerking away. Because she gasps in pain and surprise and swerves her face away from him, and he has no idea why, and all he can think is Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I’ve ruined everything.
I mean you can see it, his face just falls, his eyes close, his head tilts back and he’s visibly berating himself internally, he just whispers “I’m sorry.” With a voice more filled with sorrow than you’ve ever heard out of a man who’s almost been kissed and is holding the love of his life in his arms. He’s so scared to have ruined everything they’ve built.
And you can tell with that whispered apology that he’s thought about this. It’s not the first time by a long shot that he’s considered kissing her. In his mind he’s made a mistake, a slip up. He finally lets himself go enough to try, and she seems to reject him at the last moment, and all he can think is that it must be his fault. She must not want him that way. He apologizes before he even knows what’s going on because he’s ready to respect her wishes at the drop of a hat.
Then Scully turns to him, wanting to explain right away “it’s not you, I got hurt” and he responds perfectly adequately. With compassion, comforting her immediately with his words and his hands. But while he does this his mind is visibly completely detached. He’s gone from anticipatory terror to crushing fear and disappointment to relief and nervousness in the space of about four seconds, and he’s just standing there still trying to process what just happened, holding on to her physically for a source of stability.
And he doesn’t even get the chance to regain his footing, because before he knows it she’s losing consciousness and telling him in exact medical terms exactly what’s wrong because she’s a queen and a badass and a genius and I’m so sorry this is happening to you girl
And then of course she almost dies and he gets shot in the face so….. yeah
Basically! All this to say I’m completely normal about them and about this and nothing at all of note happens in these scenes
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arceus-insanity ¡ 5 months ago
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So When Did Things Start Going Down Hill
I don't mean everything is shit after this, but things looking back started getting (steadily) worse starting with. Check bottom for more indept view on each option
A) at first I wasn't going to include this one as it happened before most of what I considered shit started happening, but with how much it blatantly favours this lazy-ass child abuser, how could I not include it. And of course, it shows so much evidence that he hasn't changed at all, like only even offering to teach Midoriya and Bakugo to manipulate his favourite victim Shoto
B) when it first happened I was devastated but expected this to lead to greater change to the hero system and society. But no, just a meaningless footnote to the heroes epic battle
C) literally no one questions how a top hero was just so eager to kill someone, or buy a wife, breed her, abuse & neglect his kids to the point one of them was believed dead. Only citizens whining about how Dabi is bad for them
D) here's this apparently big shot hero from the States we've never heard of before and immediately dies. If they wanted to keep Shigaraki from having too many powers they could of just chalked it up to the heroes interupting the process
E) the Todoroki family all blames themselves, this isn't to go into the complexity of abusive households, but to absolve Endeavor's responsibility and guilt. Despite the fact that as the one who created and was in control of this situation, he should be held accountable for theirs as well. The only backlash for his shit is framed as ohh poor Endeavor, he didn't mean for the child he threw away to create consequences, and now people are being mean to them
F) what was the point of this arc? Deku barely asks a villain three questions before giving up. He learns the HPSC had Lady Nagant acting as a secret assassin against any undesireables for them, covered up her arrest and got a replacement assassin (Hawks who has at least one confirmed extra jurdical murder under his belt). Witnesses an innocent woman get attacked for her appearance and was turned away from multiple shelters for said appearance. Deku: Hero Society is the Best, Nothing needs to change, because not every single apple in this basket is rotten to the core! Looking back he just looks worse for this
G) so this child, who due to his parents mistake was blackmailed under great threat & risk, into giving information to the blackmailer, deserves to be chained up and forced to take further risk by the heroes. Remember Endeavor never faces any consequences, nor does Hawks, but this child, Yuga, gets treated like this.
H) once again what was the point? How does Edgeshot know he can do this? How does he know how to do this? Why is he a top hero who has never interacted with Bakugo before this, sacrifices his appearing to be unharmed self, for a random hero student in the middle of a war? Oh and Edgeshot is revealed to be alive at the end of the manga, because Heroes have no consequences and live in magical fairytail land. Again what was the fucking point!
I) This was originally going to be two points, Oh poor Endeavor, victim blaming part 2 and the hospital battle. But I ran out of options and Endeavor doesn't need another personal option. So we got the whole Todofam blaming Dabi/Touya this time, and Endeavor being a whiney responsibility dodging coward again. Then we see the heroes knew that the villains were going to go after Kurogiri, kept him in a hospital. We see that the people aren't going after doctors or patients just trying to get to Kurogiri, get demonized for it. We have victim blamer/ pick-me Tentacole say that their kids will be attacked for this (already happening), and that it's up to them/ him to inspire the violent quirkests to not constantly attack, assualt, and otherwise discriminate against them, no need for the quirkists to be given any responsibility or consequences for their own actions. Oh and Spinner has major brain damage because how else was Tentacole supposed to win this arguement. Bonus points for Hawks calling for Toga to be murdered, doubling right back down on his previous murder
J) in this already overcrowded 3rd act lets make sure all these background characters get a scene! And despite the fact it took years for Deku to get a powersuit in the epilogue, All Might just randomly gets one, no build up or anything. AFO's backstory is left in the past so no one has to consider anything
K) I had hope going into this, but at every turn they kept on making it worse. Deku only tries punching and attacking, rather than make any attempts to actually talk unlike what Shigaraki has been doing since his introduction. Is randomly able to enter Shigaraki's head, doesn't have to see just how fucked Hero Society is as it gets cut short by moral scapegoat AFO coming in and revealing he orcastrated everything! Oh and he flat out kills Shigaraki. Living up to his name and not his goal. Deku that could my ass
Sorry if this comes off as super negative but I've been wondering this for a while, and well I'm pissed at the ending. Here's some people I want to hear the opinions of:
@moodyvoid @nagitosstolenhand @codenamesazanka @shortstrawberryshake @darkonekrisrewrite @nothingofinterest @itsnothingofinterest @villainsandvictimsalliance
Feel free to @ more people
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for-those-who-wait ¡ 5 months ago
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it hurts me to ask this, but how would blorbo!Hunter respond to the death of flapjack…
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Blorbo Hunter has cat brain where he doesn't really have a complex thought process (there's another ask about this in my inbox that I'll answer once I doodle some more, I'll try to go more in-depth about it then) so I think it would be that situation where one of your pets passes and the other is confused about why their buddy isn't around anymore and why their owner is suddenly very sad
I would really like to make a comic about it but it would take a while and my brain is mush so, taking crack seriously, I think it would happen like this (very limited memory of what happens in the beginning of For the Future):
Blorbo Hunter is probably in somebody's pocket or bag for the whole altercation with Belos in Thanks to Them, so he didn't actually witness anything. Everyone is very torn up about it after they go through the portal, the blorbo is a little confused about why Hunter looks sad and weird, but he's just kind of chilling. Hunter can't really stand to look at the blorbo for a bit (something about anxiety about loss and wanting to distance himself emotionally as a coping mechanism) so he passes him off to Luz and the gang to watch over while he broods in the corner at the Owl House like normal. Blorbo Hunter is just hanging out, he's kind of wondering what's up since I think Flapjack would be as constant a presence for blorbo Hunter as he is for regular Hunter and he's similarly not used to not having that presence nearby. They are friends, they love each other, and he wants to know where his friend is!
I think blorbo Hunter has a little bit of a signal thing going where he'll make little gestures about things he wants (he just learned that Flapjack is more likely to interact with him if he opens his arms like he wants a hug, and he kept doing it). So the gang is familiar by now that when he splays his little arms out, he's referencing Flapjack. And he doesn't actually do that until they're all calming down, slowly trying to fall asleep at the Owl House, and he finally wriggles away to find Hunter (because he follows him absolutely freaking everywhere and he might as well have a natural homing beacon for that boy)
Hunter's not really trying to sleep, he's been Irreparably Traumatized, and blorbo Hunter climbs onto him and splays his arms out like "Where's Flapjack?" since Hunter usually knows where he is, and blorbo Hunter has associated Hunter with Flapjack appearing. Hunter isn't even sure if he should respond to that, because he knows by now that the blorbo just can't really understand the concept of loss like that. Hunter's probably tearing up a bit by now because of all the stress and emotions he's shoving down, and now he's got this innocent little thing looking up at him for guidance that he feels he's incapable of providing because Flapjack, the one thing the blorbo is asking for, is gone in a way that Hunter can't explain and the blorbo can't understand.
Blorbo Hunter, ever the cat, at least recognizes that Hunter's upset. The blorbo climbs up onto his chest, probably lays right up against his chin, and just sits there for the sake of closeness and an attempt at comfort. And for his part, I think Hunter would just grieve a lot about it because Flapjack was probably there to help him process even accepting blorbo Hunter in the first place (I think Flapjack would immediately love the blorbo and would have to spend a long time convincing Hunter to give him a chance as well), and now he's left with the guilt of having initially disliked the blorbo and also killing his friend. Like "I killed Flapjack with the hand that I am currently using to try and comfort this weird clone-cat-creature he was friends with, I'm so incredibly messed up and terrible for this."
This child can fit so much trauma and self-hatred in him holy crap
ANYWAY sorry for the ramble, hopefully that answers the question, thank you for asking it :))
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mohntilyet ¡ 1 month ago
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literally cannot remember if this is already a post you made but do u think about if illario was a companion character and lucanis wasnt (maybe still rescued from the ossuary, maybe not). would he even be a viable companion character. etc.
i think i've mentioned it in tags but god yeah i've been thinking about companion illario. through bias and visions i think he could have made a really great companion!!!! i just don’t think we had enough who lie to/betray you in veilguard and i was like illario would love to do this <3 or at least TRY to do this and find that he can’t, because the betrayal-according-to-approval mechanic would return in this concept. this assumes a lot of things that i consider to be canon, including that illario’s a genuinely good assassin (YMMV on this i think. i look upon him with rose tinted glasses) but we’re introduced to illario as the second-best option who accompanied lucanis on various mage-killing quests.
he’s recruited in minrathous and not treviso because he’s been killing venatori like a man crazed. i forget who made the post but the one about how veilguard recruitment quests feel forced because you are recruiting, when stumbling on the right people could have felt more organic and a lot less formulated. he’s been operating in minrathous as the ‘demon of vyrantium’, which he admits to rook that he’s not the original. the original was lucanis, who was captured and killed by the venatori, and in his grief, has been trying to kill the magister (zara) that killed his cousin. he’s actually very nice and fun for an assassin, but players get the feeling that the charm is practiced, and there are glimpses into the “something rotten” under the surface.
what the players also do not know is that his hatred for the venatori is definitely projecting his guilt, because even in this au, illario is the guy who originally betrayed his brother and his complexes (slash pos slash hot slash i often picture him on his knees) remain. anyways. plot breakdown under the cut because its so fucking long and please take with a grain of salt because this was workshopped on a call with fie, who ‘yes and’s everything i say, so it might not be the greatest plot ever. nor very coherent. however, this is my blog and i can say whatever i want
act one recruitment: hunting down and killing zara. there’s foreshadowing here or something where she definitely recognises him and the facial animation leans towards “betrayal”. like zara saying “you?” in a way that can be mistaken for fear, when it’s recognition and betrayal + illario killing her before she can reveal anything else. they find evidence that lucanis is still alive and you see how excited he is, but also very conflicted. illario finally returns to treviso, and you immediately see the favoritism when he informs caterina that lucanis could still be out there. caterina delights in the idea of her favorite weapon back in her possession, and illario swears to bring him back.
in between: there’s a venatori leak! the magisters send some back up to weisshaupt which makes things a lot harder for the veilguard (miniboss before ghil?), and it contributes to failing to strike at ghilanain. but who could it be? everyone is a bit wary of each other, and causes friction.
act two: the ossuary <3 inexplicably, illario has found where lucanis is. the veilguard fights their way in and out, escaping with lucanis and destroying the vial of blood. they also find out lucanis is possessed, and when they return to treviso, after the shock and relief leaves, there’s a gleam in caterina’s eyes. illario is moved up in line of succession because caterina can’t see an abomination becoming talon (canon not discussing that he’s fucking possessed pisses me off so bad btw), and she’s obviously envisioning a world where lucanis’ leash is passed onto the grandson she’d seen as lesser, but has recently proved himself better than she had previously judged. suddenly, illario has everything he’s ever wanted, but not in the way he’s wanted it. he’s never wanted to necessarily be greater than, and doesn’t want to lose him. illario is very uncomfortable about becoming a new caterina to lucanis, but can’t express himself or explain it because he’s deeply repressed and he’s trying to be happy because, isn’t this what he wants?
in between: illario’s acting super weird. a high approval illario is a lot more awkward and doesn’t seem to know what to say, which is a first for him. he’s obviously putting on a brave/pretty face on, and hesitates to say something— but finally just thanks rook for helping him get lucanis back. a low approval illario is actually much happier, smiling and laughing and delighted by the way things have gone, with rook/the player none the wiser about what’s happened. (kind of like… bull’s reaction to the chargers in the dreadnought quest being positive either way, but the repercussions come later)
if you are in a romance, a low approval illario will trigger a sex scene, a high approval illario does the dellamorte branded “lean in for a kiss but he can’t bring himself to actually follow through and leaves rook awkwardly”. the differences in reaction would ideally confuse and interest players :)
act three: hinges on approval rating. illario plotted to trade rook’s life for lucanis’. the venatori at weisshaupt was supposed to be their shot to kill them, but failed to do so, and now they’re forcing him to make good on his deal. there’s a cutscene where the party is led into a trap and a high ranking venatori magister— the one who actually experimented on lucanis (because zara is like a middle man. she wants the blood but isn’t the evil mage scientist who did all the experiments)— shows himself and reveals everything illario has done. he was the one behind lucanis’ initial ‘death’. how the venatori leak was him. illario is desperately trying to keep the venatori’s mouth shut, but the magister is tricking him with magic as he tries harder and harder to keep his cover. a fun, trippy kind of sequence where there are illusions and mindfucky magic as illario stabs at the magister and finds out he’s attacking air, and the party keeps getting attacked with magic that they can’t figure out is real or not until it hits them, in this hall of mirrors type freakshow. it splits into two different paths:
low approval: the deal to save lucanis over rook was made early on, and nothing they have done has made illario think differently. he’s scripted to be more defensive and try to stop the magister from speaking, ignoring the party and thinking only about how he can keep his secrets but failing to. he’s angry that his plans have fallen down around him, and attacks both the party and venatori, determined to keep his failures from reaching anyone else (god forbid it reach caterina). the party are forced to kill him when he turns on them, willing to work with the venatori to keep the power he has before it slips away from him again.
high approval: everything they have done has made illario think differently and he’s spent ages regretting and trying to find a way out of the deal (see: the distress he feels right after becoming first talon, interesting codexes, etc). he’s scripted to defend rook from magic, at cost to himself, physically protecting his friends/rook from the magister and getting in the way of spells. he admits what he’s done and pleads with them to help him, despite having no reason to trust him. after the party fights the magister off together, illario begs for forgiveness, explaining himself, how regret couldn’t make up for what he’s done but he’s still tried to change things, change himself. but how could you ignore the feeling that, as with everything else in his life, that this is another lie? you get the choice to trust him and forgive him, or kill him for betraying the veilguard. i think this can hit harder if he’s romanced and you forgive him. the image of him pleading literally on his knees is about to get me to black out, followed by a rook who gets down on the ground and lowers themselves to his level just to kiss him before pulling them both up onto their feet again…. its like a ‘i fear to stain your hands with blood’ moment <3
completed companion quest: faced with compassion that he’s basically never extended to anyone, illario is inspired. he admits this guilt to lucanis, wanting to make him talon and leave everything behind, and while lucanis initially is obviously both angry and distressed, he later seeks out illario by himself, and their reconciliation happens off screen. i’d love for rook to be there so i could this but i honestly do not think its their place like can we leave the dellamortes to do this by themselves. in private its just a very “you went through hell to get me back. i think i need to give you a chance” + a slow rebuilding of the trust they had. and also lucanis has not even gotten the same outside support system as illario has taken his place and i think it’s good to note that. well. illario is about the most positive his relationships get and the only other person he would potentially have is caterina, who is also a more intense and outwardly scheming in this au. so not to be like “lucanis has no choice” but he kinda has no choice LOL. the point is: lucanis decides to protect him, and says that this betrayal is something they have to keep secret together as long as it safeguards illario, which safeguards himself. like what would the crows think of 1) illario trying to usurp power using an outside source (infighting/betrayal is okay. bringing a third party into crow business is not), 2) illario losing the idgaf war and desperately bringing lucanis back, 3) lucanis being possessed, 4) lucanis forgiving illario despite it all because they’re so codependent they can’t even bring themselves to leave the other. house dellamorte so weak that they can’t snuff out the weakness in each other? oh fucking brother. they can’t let anyone know how dire this situation is, and need to present a united front. also the terrible fact that they love each other deeply remains. mentioned in banter probably? eg:
“So… what do the Crows think?” // “The Crows don’t know.” // “…What? But your brother, and you—“ // “Are keeping it to ourselves. We’ve discussed this. House Dellamorte can’t afford to look divided, not right now.” // “So, what, he just forgave you?! You’re moving on? From trying to kill him?” // “'Forgave' is such a strong word, but maybe someday, yes. And we’re not just family, we’re Antivan Crows. You should know by now that we’re odd like this.”
“Illario. How long do you think you can keep that secret?” // “Considering only us, Lucanis and I know about it, hopefully forever. He insists that no one else has to know. Or should I be afraid that you’re going to go tell on me?” // “No! It’s just… Lucanis doesn’t, I don’t know, want vengeance?” // “Ha! He is the vengeancey one. But no. No, he’s… between the two of us, he’s always been the good one.” // “Lucky you.”
i also picture a lot of post revelations blackwall type banters and maybe something like davrin going “I have to believe you can be better, that you’ve changed. Half the Wardens are like that.” and once again i have to grieve varric because if there’s anyone that would understand lying their ass off and having mixed feelings about their brother, IT’S HIM LOOLLL. i think harding would treat him quite harshly, and neve loses a lot of respect because why would you ever even think about working with the venatori. but there’s a recognition over how he’s changed for the better. i think bellara is the surprise sympathiser, with everything she feels about cyrian. (“For a second, listening to Anaris to be with my brother again was worth it. So… yeah. I get it.” // “You weren’t foolish enough to fall for it. I did.” // “But you’re fixing it, aren’t you?” // “I’m trying.” // “Cyrian tried too. And if I can still forgive him, I can forgive you too.” // “…Thank you.” )
i also think a serious talk about being talon happens, where lucanis doesn't think he should be talon (possessed so his self worth is at an all time low. and also he's always thought illario should be talon anyway) and asks illario to keep the title. which is... weird because suddenly illario realises he doesn't necessarily want to be talon anymore. sure he can, sure he finally has caterina's approval, but he's got a new chance in life and he's not sure he wants to spend his life running an organisation that doesn't even care about him, would betray him first chance they got and remind him of the way he used to be, or see who he is the way the veilguard/lucanis has. his bitterness towards caterina also trumps his envy of lucanis, and the idea of lucanis resenting him as much as he resents caterina is something he'd like to avoid, which is another reason he's uncomfortable with being expected to tug at the leash. indecisive, illario can't quite fully commit himself to the crows, but is nervous about what leaving them would mean.
endgame: he would take lucanis’ place as a magekiller in this ofc, so he’s the guy killing ghil, and (for now….) first talon leading the crows to fight in minrathous (illario: “one of us should probably say something. remind the crows in whose name this fight is to be fought. we are emotional beings after all, and rhetoric is the fuel that feeds the fire—“ viago: “maker’s sake just give your speech”) i’ve also implied romance throughout this ask while not discussing it properly (ask me about it later. i need time to think on the whole romance arc and beats i know it exists but i refuse to give out half baked illario thoughts.) and i think the endgame post-fade prison talk would be very sweet and so intensely genuine/sincere and illario’s half struggling with being this truthful but pushes through because he wants to say “i love you” and really mean it. almost losing rook has put his priorities in order, and rook is at the top of this order, which has made him reevaluate everything else in his life and realise, "i don't think i can live without you. please don't make me". it’s fun for me that lucanis’ romance is a first in many different ways, but for illario it would be the first time experiencing actual romantic feelings for someone that he’s not faking, so you can imagine the damage its wrecking on his crow-psyche. sometime here i think there’d also be a decision where he’d ask to leave the crows and be with rook, tho i also think if given the chance to develop he could actually find something he cares more about than being first talon. genuine affection might kill him, reciprocated affection would probably be the nail in that “fuck the crows actually i just found out i like life outside of treviso” coffin.
but this is kind of leaning towards “illario only leaves the crows if you romance him” which i don’t like the sound of. he should be able to do that without a romantic relationship. i think narratively the best way to end this arc is for illario to leave the crows after having found alternatives to what he believed his life should amount to (as i think lucanis should have in veilguard), but i also don’t exactly know how to end it. i do want house dellamorte to be defunct, like an ‘illario leaves, and so does lucanis’ thing, where even lucanis gets the chance to grow out of believing “death is his calling”. i also like the idea that illario, ever the extrovert, gets real friends and is like “LUCANIS. you gotta fucking experience this” LMFAO. i’m thinking maybe the companion you spend most time with illario in the party after his act 3 quest starts to suggest things, so neve being like “you made a pretty great demon of vyrantium. consider making venatori-killing your full time job, you were good at it, despite all the traitor stuff.” or taash going “you know, you wouldn’t be the first lord of fortune to make mind numbingly stupid mistakes. drop by sometime. you and isabela can bond over it.” and they’re half joking but it makes the cogs in illario’s mind turn where he’s like “whoa. i could just. stay with the people who like me!” and where he goes is mentioned in the epilogue. a romanced illario would potentially just join the faction rook is a part of, tho a de riva would probably be unique in choosing if they want to remain a crow.
HOWEVER. i honestly don’t know if this is in character. fie and i convinced ourselves it was but i’ve had some time to really chew on it and idk if he’d want to give his ambitions up?? if someone has managed to read on this far, feel free to suggest things if you like i am always stumped because i don’t actually want to crows to stop being an assassin house, and there’s ofc no way to really make them ‘softer’ without taking away the bite that makes them interesting to play with. but extricating the dellamorte cousins from this WHILE feeling true to dragon age writing is difficult lol. just let me think. i’ll be back with some results hopefully.
side note: if illario is killed, lucanis takes his place with some difficulty (spite getting in the way, and no relationship building as he would get in canon) especially because despite his incredibly complicated feelings about his cousin trying to kill him, all of his anger is directed at rook for actually killing him. it doesn’t matter if lucanis would/could have never forgiven him, or otherwise, rook has taken that chance of hashing it out with illario from him completely, and lucanis won’t forgive them for it.
anyways the potential endings and first talons:
lucanis defaults into first talon if illario is killed as the only remaining heir, and struggles in this role alone, though the fact he is an abomination helps keep the crows in control for a while #cycles #snakethateatsitsowntail #housedellamorteissocooked
illario can remain first talon if encouraged to stay during the endgame, or if romanced by a rook de riva that also chooses to stay with the crows. depending on how the crow missions were complete, his direction with the crows either hardens/softens the organisation.
teia becomes first talon if illario decides to leave the crows, and rook has made choices that lean towards ‘softening’ the crows, eg. sparing ivenci to humiliate him, helping the crow-venatori loves run away, being kind towards jacobus, etc. the crows gain a reputation for coercion and can once in a while be found targeting, killing or exposing corrupt officials.
viago becomes first talon if illario decides to leave the crows, and rook has made choices that lean towards ‘hardening’ the crows, eg. killing ivenci to humiliate him, turning in the crow-venatori lovers, being harsh with jacobus, etc. the crows gain a reputation for efficient, quick assassinations that tip the scales towards anyone who can pay for their services.
if missions were not complete, the antivan crows’ reputation falls as they get sloppier, unable to recover from their losses and struggling to keep ahold of their power. there’s a reshuffling of talons, but the crows are in such disarray that it takes a decade for them to recover and gain back the effeciency they used to be infamous for.
ANYWAYS. sorry for that it is actually getting away from me and i don’t know how much of this is clear and how much of it is just my wishful thinking. i think there’s enough good things here to publish as an answer tho i’m aware this plot is kind of dollar store zevran LOL. maybe the best way to describe it is that i’ve accidentally combined blackwall, bull, and zevran’s arcs into this. hope this is at least a bit compelling for you anon!!!!!
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humanpurposes ¡ 6 months ago
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I really feel like the writers of HotD could benefit from keeping in mind the phrase "don't play the ending."
At the end of season one, Alicent has Aegon crowned King and puts herself physically between him and a dragon.
And all through season two she's having a miserable time. From episode one she straight up dislikes her sons, is terrified of Aemond, is hooking up with Cole and feeling guilty about it, is feeling guilty about Rhaenyra, feeling guilty about the war, constantly being undermined... but is there actually a moment where the stakes escalate for her? Jaehearys dies while she was doing the dirty with Criston, but she already felt guilty about that. She feels sorry for Helaena, but she already struggles in her relationship with Helaena. She hates Aegon and thinks he'd be a bad King, but she already hated Aegon and thought he'd be a bad King. Then she doesn't want to start a war, but she already did that by naming her son King over Rhaenya. She gets dismissed from the Small Council by Aemond but in the first episode she's already aware that none of the men around her actually respect her. So what is she doing here? What does she want? How is she relevant to the story aside from looking sad and feeling all this guilt for a conflict that is way more complex than her misunderstanding the final words of her rotting husband?
At the end of season one, Rhaenyra learns that her son is dead after she's been hesitant to let the conflict come to all out war. In that final shot of epsiode 10 she's full of anguish and rage. I'm thinking "cool, so when the story picks up again she's going to be ready for war."
But then she's spent so much of season two stalling because she doesn't want to incite bloodshed because war is bad. And she can't justify getting revenge for her son but she can justify letting hundreds die because of some dream her ancestor had. She wants the throne but she's hesitant to fight for it.
There's such a disconnect between where we left off and where we picked up, because there's no starting point in the character arcs. Alicent will become haunted by grief and guilt, oh so lets do that from episode one. Rhaenyra wants to be Queen and was vilified by the fictional history, so lets absolve her of her wrongs and effectively remove her agency.
And my boy Aemond... I love the idea of him feeling remorseful about Luke's death but knowing that he can't appear weak, and so losing his humanity more and more to this image of a Kinslayer. But the execution leaves a lot to be desired for me. I would LOVE to have seen this through his family relationships. Let him have a conversation with Helaena, when her son was murdered as revenge for someone he killed. Let us see the distance growing between him immediately after he comes back from Storm's End. It was clearly the intention all along that Aemond was going to become "the villain" of the series and I love that, but if he's going to feel like he has no choice but to "dracarys" his brother, boot his mum off the Small Council and then leave his family undefended by flying off with Vhagar, I want that to feel earned. (also I want my fav to have more screen time obvs) but I would love for his scenes to have more room to breathe, like the only interaction he's had with Helaena was a scene that was one sentence long, I AM SUFFERING HERE.
In a season with only 8 episodes the pacing is crazy. We've skipped over what clearly was a crucial few days between 1.10 and 2.01. We've got characters stalling for no apparent reason. Simultaneously we're rushing through scenes and character interactions to move on to the next thing. It's genuinely frustrating to watch. Kudos to all the actors doing an amazing job with the script they've been given.
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limnsaber ¡ 3 months ago
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Watching real tv is you scrape and claw for character backstory that they made cohesive on accident. Dana Scully!!!
She has this amazing internal drive and is an amazingly strong person, but also thinks that she has a desperate need to prove herself. She keeps her walls up, even when she doesn’t want to. She’s the third child in a family of six with a homemaker mother and a doting, perpetually absent father. She thinks she has daddy issues, and she does, but she never gives herself enough credit. “I want to be praised” girl it’s human to want to be recognized. She struggles with the feeling of cycles, of staying in place, of never really changing. She has this complex that I like to call the “Starbuck complex” (named for her childhood nickname, given to her by her navy captain dad, referring to the first mate in Moby Dick (she called him Ahab the captain from Moby Dick)) where she LOVES to play second fiddle and step up to the batting plate. Mulder forges ahead and she follows him, and she charts their course as they go. He drives, and she has the map in the passenger seat. She LOVES that— when it doesn’t grate at her to not be seen. If Mulder saw her, it would be okay. And he does see her, for who she is, but not always what she needs in their interpersonal relationship. They’ve got issues!!
One of Scully’s earliest memories is that of her hiding a rabbit kit in a metal lunch box after her older overbearing brother Bill says that he’d kill it. Of course, she leaves it in the lunch box, and comes back to find it dead. There’s this innate part of Scully here — the kindness, the protector. I think this is the instance that incited her desire to become a doctor. And there’s this other part of Scully, even while small, who keeps her walls up to protect herself and what she holds dear. She didn’t tell her family about the FBI until she was sure she was doing it. And they disapproved, and she had to go on knowing they did. She never explained her and Mulder’s relationship to her family, who always seem astounded when they display their characteristic normal levels of Mulder-Scully devotion. She keeps her cancer to herself, and learns that it’s okay to reach out to people, but she keeps her walls up because she’s afraid. She’s afraid to believe.
Like the previous example, Scully’s first encounter with morality and the question of who she wanted to be was when she caught and killed a snake in the backyard with her bb gun when she was six. She was playing with her brothers, and was caught up in it, but regretted it immediately after. It spurs her to realize the effects of her actions and consider who she wants to be (and also there’s Catholic guilt in here and Scully’s desire to protect and heal, which is very good). It’s a foundational experience for her.
Thirty years on, she’ll have a snake in the ouroboros tattooed on her lower back. “Everyone gets the tattoo they deserve.”
Dana Scully, physicist, doctor, agent, spends her life searching for the answers of the universe. She comes full circle to find the truth. She wants a normal life, but she doesn’t want your normal life. When considering the paths not taken, had she had a normal life, she says “what I would have missed.” She heads for adventure because she wants to. Reason and faith in harmony. And no matter her self doubt, she knows what she’s about. Reason, faith, justice, truth, love, the greater good, and the pursuit of knowledge in the face of the unknown.
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heelluring ¡ 8 months ago
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— his regrets... • l.hs
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wherein the sinner was once again hit by guilt but he guessed, it hurts the most when it hit the second time around [ part 1 ]
author's note ~ ! hi! so, i decided to write this since there are a lot of requests. i dont know if i ever gave the story any justice, i just hope i was able to deliver what i want to write. anyways, here you go. happy reading!
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Heeseung stands outside the restaurant that both of you frequently visits. in the past, he'll drive to the restaurant while u're the one entertaining him through the passenger's seat. he'll call u pretty and will watch as a soft blush stain ur cheeks together with a subtle hit on his arms in attempt to hide your shyness. Both of you were happy that time, heeseung was happy, you were happy— when did everything go wrong?
oh, right. he cheated. he did the very same thing he promised he wouldn't do when you said yes to him. cheating with her older sister at that. what is he thinking, right? Heeseung also, didn't know.
And as much as he regret it, it wouldn't change a thing. He'll never feel your presence in his arms, again or feel how your lips fit so well in his.
It's been years since he saw even your shadows but you're still the one haunting his mind. After getting caught with his affair, he immediately ran after you but was failed. Came running to your apartment, but no one was there. Your landlord assured him though, he was told that your things are still in the apartment and that made him hope, maybe this will be a passing tumbles? Maybe he can still fix this?
He was definitely wrong. It was all but a delusion. You never came even if he waited for almost a week in that apartment just leaving whenever he had to go to work. But, you successfully avoided him. The next time he came, your apartment was wide open, your things were gone including you, and workers from the complex are now starting to clean the unit for the new potential buyers.
You successfully vanished through his life, didn't even get him a chance to see you before completely walking out of his life. The same time you left, so is heeseung's life started to crumble. He was called by the HR department one day, saying he's just there to talk. Though the way they have every evidence of his infidelity and disgusting rendezvous with Rina told him otherwise. That's just like a punch for him. Your crying and pained face draws on his mind, he can't think about anything but how hurt you were the day you found out. He was a jerk, a sinful man that doesn't deserve any forgiveness. If all, it just made another salt that was rubbed on his wounds. He was so stupid. How could he do that?
After all the things you did for him, this is what he decided to give back and thus, karma's out for him. Things happened so fast that when he came into realization, the company already sent a letter making him choose if they'll forcefully fire him or he'll just voluntarily resign. It doesn't matter anyways. His business was all the employees could talk about for the past few weeks, even if he gets fired or resigned, doesn't matter because people knew what he did and that goes the same with Rina. With no stable income, life was hard. Heeseung had a hard time applying in a new position. No one's accepting him, in the end, he became content with jobs that had nothing to do with his past career. Being a janitor or a delivery guy, he did everything and anything just to survive.
"Heeseung? what are you doing there? There's a lot of people since dinner already started, we need you at the back" Even being a waiter in your favorite restaurant was one of the things he did just to put food in his mouth. But he knew it wasn't just because of that. Heeseung wanted to be able to hold at least one small fragment of your memory that was still enclosed in this restaurant. Because, every time he sees that one special corner, he was able to be happy at least for a short period of time.
"Serve the new guests, it's on table 15" Heeseung nodded at that taking the menus on his arm before walking towards the table. It was a couple, the man was the only one he could see while the woman's back was facing him. A certain feeling took over his system. The woman looks familiar but that's impossible. Heeseung shook his head and his doubt, before putting on a smile.
"Good evening, and welcome to Chaconne. My name is Evan, and I would be your server for the night. Here's our—" His tongue was cut off when the woman looked at him. It was you, it was really you. Heeseung wanted to cry, to just get on his knees and say all the things he couldn't get to say all these years. But, who is he fooling? He knew that what he really wanted to do was to hide in shame and guilt. He always wanted to appear in front of you as a successful and strong person but instead, you saw this side of him. The one who's currently paying his dues with karma. You didn't say anything, just looking at him with sadness in eyes. He can't read that sadness as something different though. He knew that it was accompanied with pity, pity with someone you're just acquainted with.
"Sir? Are you alright?" The guy you're with asked. "Ah.. ah— yes. Yes, I am. I'm sorry for that, Sir. So here's our menu..." It was smooth, he was able to calm down. He needs to be professional, he can't afford losing this job and he also can't afford to make you uncomfortable. After a while, the guy who he knew called Jay called him again to take the orders. It was an understatement when we say heeseung can't take his eyes off of you that whole night. You look beautiful as ever, the only difference is that you look happier. Jay said something to you, and that made your eyes widen in bliss before giggling, hitting him softly with your hands. As a man, heeseung knew how Jay loves you. The way he looks at you, how he softly caresses your hand on his, drawing small shapes on its surface in process, how he smiles just to you was all he needed to know. Besides, it's the same look he's given to you. You look so happy, you might as well be glowing when you're with him. Heeseung on the other hand, can't do anything but be happy for you. You now feel at peace and secured, it's a long way from how miserable you have been with him and heeseung can't help but thank the one above for that. Even when you two finally finished your dinner, leaving gracefully with your chivarious man supporting you, heeseung can't help but to follow you with his eyes.
Oh how he wished, he was that man. Heeseung was not a saint. Of course, on top of being happy for you, he also felt bitterness creeping up his system. But it's all in vain.
"Hey, heeseung." One of his co-workers called when it was closing time handing him a dark blue colored envelope. "Remember the couple you served earlier? The woman told me to give this to you." His eyes widened, taking the envelope before saying his goodbyes to the other workers. He was in the park when he decided to open it. A can of beer, and a cup of ramen placed hastily on his side as he took the envelope out. It was elegant and sealed, he flipped it twice before carefully ripping through it when he made sure there were no written words outside.
Hey, heeseung. It's been awhile, years even. I know things didn't end well between us. I don't know if you're angry at me for the things I also did just to get back at you, and I won't blame you if you are. It doesn't matter though, I will still say sorry for those things. I was driven by my anger and pain, and because of that you lose your means to support yourself. I'm sorry Heeseung... for everything. For me, those moments were nothing but a memory, just a painful part of my past. I was able to move on and I hope that goes the same with you. You don't need to suffer, give yourself a chance again. Forgive yourself.
It's nice to see you again, Heeseung. You might not believe this but I hope you'll be happy, I am hoping for your best.
Heeseung didn't know he was crying until a tear stains the paper, the next thing he knew, his vision was blurry. "You were still saying sorry to me even though we knew I deserved it? Even wishing me happiness when I'm the one who took that away from you in the past. Y/n... how can you be so cruel?" His thumb brush on your signed name, as he whispers those words. How come, after all these years, you're still the one who can make himself feel understood. His whole system was numb, can't feel anything aside from pain. Is this the kind of pain you felt that night? Heeseung's happiness was with you but now, yours was nowhere with him. He feels relieved, yet there's a bittersweet feeling because this just means that he has to let you go, that this will be the last night he'll have a touch on your memories.
"Thank you... thank you so much... and i love you..."
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heelluring, 2024
likes, reblogs, and comments are deeply appreciated ❤️
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soralymystaken ¡ 9 months ago
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I think a lot about Lloyd and Harumi, solely because they have one of the most unique yet complex relationship dynamics in all of Ninjago, and it’s something I don’t feel like we talk about enough.
So often I see online that their dynamic is overly simplified. I so often see people arguing between them being “true-love” or “friends to lovers to enemies,” but stating it’s just one of those is overlooking all of the complexities. Even stating it as a one-sided thing from Lloyd isn’t looking at the whole picture. Of course, there can be many interpretations of how they interact. Again, that’s the reason I adore this dynamic so much. This, however, is my personal interpretation:
Also, warning, spoilers plus some swearing.
At the beginning, we see Lloyd have the whole “love-at-first-sight” trope, and we learn that Harumi invited him into the castle. While, of course this immediately is seemed as a positive interaction, later events reveal otherwise. It continues like this: Lloyd falls deeper in love with Harumi whilst she continues manipulating him to keep him on strings. She eventually realizes his feelings, and wants plays on that, making the process work exponentially better. Finally, we learn Harumi’s motives and her reasoning, and, in the episode, Lloyd is devastated. However, I have some additions on this, but I’m gonna finish up my review of canon before getting to that. We do also know that Lloyd still has feelings, though. We primarily see thing from Lloyd still trying to save her from Garmadon’s grasp along with his sadness from her death.
The next time we see her and Lloyd’s dynamic (at least as far as I want to mention,) is Crystalized. When Lloyd is captured, he apologizes. He still clearly has feelings for Harumi, and, in a turn of events, it seems that Harumi does as well, as she convinces the Overlord to spare him and to try to get him on their side.
Okay, enough about prior knowledge, lets discuss headcanons. So, firstly, I’m 100% sure that Lloyd was tormented by Harumi’s origin story. We know how high of a standard he holds himself to, and we also know how morally-driven he is. Him learning about the real stories of the real people who he had really hurt couldn’t have been taken easily. I’ve actually written a whole fic that revolves on that fact, and how Lloyd’s lingering feelings would have amplified that feeling to oblivion. Also, for people who assume he would immediately drop his feelings when he learned Harumi’s true motives, literally just look at how he talks about Garmadon and you’ll see he can’t exactly move on that easily. Things like this take time, and, again, he has guilt because of this whole thing. Moving on from a relationship when you believe you were the reason the person tried to destroy the entire world and subsequently died isn’t the same as a high school breakup. That’s fucking devastating, and especially for someone who hasn’t had the best relationships up to that point.
However, this dynamic really starts to become cloudy when you look at Harumi. Now, look: I’m like 90% sure she only had feelings for Lloyd in S15 as fan-service, but, fan-service or not, it’s canon, and therefore I’m still gonna cover it.
So, first off, when and how did Harumi develop feelings? Personally, I think there could be three main reasons. For one, gaslighting. The whole time, she was gaslighting Lloyd into loving her. Sometimes, when you keep up a lie like that for so long and with that level of commitment, you can convince even yourself of these feelings. Do I think this is the case for Harumi? Well, it depends. If you truly do believe there is a spark between them, then no. However, if you really don’t like the fact that they were given a romantic storyline in S15, then this is a totally valid reasoning.
The second reason that comes to mind is Lloyd’s persistence. Now, just to cover all our basis, reminder that “being persistent” and “never giving up on a love that could be” are not cutesy tropes and relationship goals, and no means no. I see too much stuff online saying shit like “I never gave up on her and, even though she said no 20 times, she gave in in the end.” This is not something to romanticize. If someone rejects you, fucking respect that and move tf on. That being said, though, I think that could actually be the case in this dynamic, albeit in a much less creepy way than some fuckers online do it. Lloyd clearly, even after all of the shit Harumi pulled, still has lingering feelings: a mix of platonic and romantic. I truly believe Lloyd is someone who believes that anyone can change for the better, and applies this to Harumi. The fact that, even after all the pain Harumi caused, he still searched for her in the rubble could be the reason she developed feelings. In my opinion, this is the most likely option.
The final one is a bit colder, and is for y’all who believe Harumi is evil through-and-through. Lloyd is fucking overpowered. Harumi’s reasoning to the Overlord could be just that: the reason. I personally don’t love this one as much, but if this is something you resonate with, I would totally understand why.
All of these factors strung together make Lloyd and Harumi one of my favorite dynamics. There is so much more that I didn’t even discuss here. Is it romantic or platonic or just romantic for one of them? Did Harumi develop feelings even sooner yet denied them solely because of her hatred? Is Lloyd’s relationship with Harumi less to do with Harumi herself and more-so to do with trying to rebuild a relationship with his father through her to prove he can hold onto someone he loves? All of these are questions I’d love to dive into but simply do not have time.
Hopefully you enjoyed my little rant. I love overthinking stuff like this and also love chatting about over-the-top headcanons. If you have any thoughts on this (or other headcanons you want to share), please do!
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sleepynoons ¡ 1 month ago
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YABA BY FUJII KAZE – umemiya hajime (wbk) x gn!reader, sfw
genre – fluff, angst word count – ~3,000 warnings – characters aged up, references to previous toxic/abusive romantic relationships, description of physical injuries, overstimulation synopsis – you and umemiya rarely fight. but a problem's been brewing for a while now, and it's finally hit its boiling point. is this the end of your relationship?
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“You know you don’t have to come every day.”
A laugh follows – bright, energetic, a refreshing sound to lighten your dreary day.
“But I want to!”
Shaking your head, you hang your work bag on his outstretched arm before the two of you begin to walk away from your office.
The commute is not too long, only a few train stops and blocks away from your place. But your boyfriend, Hajime, lives in the opposite direction, so the trip back to his is always twice as long for him after he accompanies you home. It’s a very kind gesture, of course, and you appreciate getting to see his enthusiastic self more often than not, but the guilt has been gnawing at you.
You suggest, “How about you just drop me off at the platform tonight?”
Your boyfriend immediately deflates at the idea and pouts, discontent whimpers escaping his downturned lips. “I was actually going to ask you to come to my place.”
You startle at his confession. It’s always been Hajime coming over to yours that you had practically forgotten the option that you can drop him off for once.
“O-oh, yeah, sure! Sorry, Ume, I didn’t know you made plans for us!”
Delighted, Hajime shoots back up in posture and grabs you by the hand to drag you to the train station.
Throughout the train ride, he fills you in on the details of his day. Hajime works at the botanical garden near the middle of the city, and is currently on his rotation in the lush greenhouse that hosts various trees, flowers, and other flora. He tells you about a crow that somehow found its way inside, a successful cultivation of a once-dying plant, his coworker slipping in a murky puddle that led to the discovery of a broken, leaking pipe.
You think his job's very fitting. For someone as abundant with care and love as he is, it makes sense that his career reflects that vital part of himself. The few times you have stayed overnight at his place, you would wake up and catch him out of bed, already by the windows spraying water and wiping leaves, all with a contented, satisfied look on his face.
“We also got these keychains at work today!”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out two key rings, each attached with a small wooden plaque. You flip one of the plaques over to see your name engraved into the wood.
You gasp, hands flying to your cheeks. “These are so adorable!”
“Right?” He grins, pearly whites almost blinding you, and drops yours into your lap.
“Where should I hang it?” you wonder aloud. As soon as those words escape, though, you feel Hajime freeze beside you.
You glance at him. “Ume?”
Your boyfriend has never been a great liar, but from the strained look on his face, it’s more than obvious that he’s hiding something.
Bumping his shoulder, you ask again, “Hello? Earth to Umemiya Hajime?”
He whines as he says, “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“The keychains?”
“No… Something else…”
You chuckle. “You don’t have to spoil it yet, then, but you’re going to have to explain what’s going on as soon as we get to your place.”
Comically dramatic, Hajime releases a loud sigh and relaxes back in his seat before he perks right up again, rambling on about another story he overheard from work.
As soon as the two of you step out of the station, you shiver at the biting cold. It doesn’t help that the wind is strong as well, and you can only imagine how much colder and more annoying it must have been for Hajime to return home later all those nights because of you. The two of you speed to his apartment, keeping the lower halves of your faces buried in your scarves, and zoom up the stairs of the complex until the two of you finally arrive in front of his door.
The heater’s already on inside, and you shudder as you feel the icy sting at your cheeks melt away in contact with the warm, buttery temperature. Hajime matches your expression and sings happily as he toes his shoes off and drops your bag on top of the shoe rack. He then helps you unwind, unraveling your scarf around your neck and helping you slide off your heavy, wool coat, and gently folds and places them on top of your bag.
“I’ll warm up dinner, so take your time,” he says over his shoulder as he walks towards the kitchen.
You kick your shoes off and head inside his bathroom, where you take a quick breather. Not that you have an opinion on surprises or that Hajime’s unromantic – he is, very much –, but it has been a while since the last time either of you have planned anything spontaneous for the other. You wonder what it is that your boyfriend has in mind.
By the time you come out, Hajime’s already under the kotatsu, peeling a tangerine as he waits for you.
“You brought it out!” you exclaim.
He nods while giggling at your reaction. “It’s cold today, so I figured.”
You sit down next to him, thanking him with a few gracious kisses on his cheek. “Alright, then. Ume, time’s up.”
He laughs but shakes his head. “You should eat first!”
You lean over to put your chin on his shoulder, looking up at him with a slight huff. “You can’t keep stalling, Ume!”
You continue to stare at him, wide-eyed and a little desperate, while he does his best to avoid looking back at you. Surprisingly, after a few more seconds, your boyfriend still doesn’t budge or relent, despite his usual impulse to give in.
“Fine,” you sigh, shoulders drooping in disappointment. You sit back up, but with a softer voice, you mumble, “Just tell me if it’s good or bad news.”
At that, Hajime breaks. He wraps his arms around you and embraces you tightly.
“Of course, it’s good!” he exclaims. He’s looking at you seriously, his eyes flaring with grey sparks of excitement and delight. “Well, it’s not really news. I just wanted to ask you to move in with me.”
You gape, chin dropping and mouth opening in surprise.
He’s holding you by the shoulders, and looks more serious than he was before. “I think it’d be great! I get to see you every day, and we wouldn’t have to worry about making time for each. What do you think?”
You think his hands feel a little too heavy, a little too tight. The stars in his eyes seem to sparkle even brighter, and you almost wince at how electrifying – a little too much, really – his stare is. Then, there’s also how close he is to you, and combined with the heater, it’s a little too sweltering for you. 
The more you try to think, to come up with some response, to find it in you to want to say “yes,” the more “a little” becomes “too much.”
Hajime tilts his head, leaning even closer until his forehead brushes against yours. His hand comes up to your cheek and whispers, “Do you want to live with me?”
The slight sheen of sweat from his palm against your face, the feel of his breath against your skin, the dilation of his pupils –
It’s too much.
Out of sheer instinct, you push him away, hard and forceful hands against his chest. The recoil of the movement forces both of you back a little, and you’re both shocked.
But within a heartbeat, numbing surprise is replaced by sheer humiliation. Heat travels to your head and neck, and now, it’s beyond too much. You scramble to your feet, grunting when you knock your arms and knees against the frames of the kotatsu, and dash out of the living room to the front entrance, barely caring to slide your work shoes on properly. You hear your boyfriend yell out something that you can’t quite decipher through the throbbing that deafens your ears, and you think you respond with a blubber of an apology, but all of that doesn’t matter much anymore when you’re sprinting out of Hajime’s apartment.
You don’t know where you are. You just avoid people and bright lights, and continue to run, run, run until you quite literally can’t. 
You don’t know how many blocks you’ve traversed or what area of the neighborhood you’re in when you stop, hands flying to rest at your bent knees as you wheeze to breath. Hell, you haven’t been at Hajime’s place often enough to know the area he lives in the first place. All you can tell is that you’re next to a children’s park where the street lights are flickering and the surrounding houses are quiet, save for a few barking dogs. You only stopped here because you feel nauseated. You continue to dry-heave and lean against an adjacent rail, aching to feel the icy metal counter the burning at your fingertips.
You’re heated – from embarrassment or overstimulation, probably both – that you can’t even feel the cold through your thin work shirt and suit pants. You wish you could, though, because you’d do anything to feel different, to snap yourself out of whatever it is that’s possessing you.
Squatting down to the ground, you continue to gasp until your lungs no longer feel like they’re going to give out, eventually transitioning to the lingering sensation of a dry, aching throat. Your head is spinning less, and it’s only becoming more and more apparent to you that you’re in a terrible position.
You have no idea where you are right now, and without a phone, you can’t navigate your way back. The sweat that clings to your skin and dampens your clothes is becoming increasingly uncomfortable, causing you to shiver as it chills with the temperature. With enough wandering, you probably could find Hajime’s place, but deep down, something in your heart stubbornly refuses to let you return to safety and comfort.
When did you become like this?
You bite down on your lip. Ever since you started dating Hajime, you’ve refused to let yourself think back, instead willing yourself to face forward and move past the raised voices, tight grips on bruised wrists, and hot flashes of pain from reddened skin that had plagued you before. Because Hajime isn’t like others.
He’s charismatic, boyishly charming, and very optimistic. He has calloused hands, yet they’re the softest pair you’ve ever held. He gives you the tightest hugs and often lifts you up and spins your around in the process, and they never fail to make you feel untouchable, invincible and self-assured in a way that only he can make you feel. And most importantly, he’s so incredibly loving, overflowing in the way that he’s so soft-hearted and delicate and patient with you. It’s not infantilizing or patronizing, either. He’s simply so genuine in character that you can’t help but love him.
He’s not like anyone else. You know that.
But fear isn’t something that’s so easily forgotten or overcome. The possibility that you two don’t work out is a real, tangible danger, and you don’t want to lose yourself again. You can’t afford that, so you don’t – won’t – let yourself fall in any deeper. Moving in together would require more commitment and time spent together, meaning more opportunities for slip-ups and mistakes and fights, and you can’t help but tear up at the thought. You only want to make Hajime happy, but that’s unrealistic.
A yell of your name disrupts your thoughts, and you look up to see your boyfriend running over. He calls your name again before dropping down next to you, draping your coat over your shoulders, and taking your hands in his much warmer ones.
He blows on your trembling fingers, cheeks puffing with every exhale, before he brings you in closer, awkwardly forcing your face into his neck while he wraps himself around you.
He says your name one last time. You think you hear a tremble or a shake in his voice, but you don’t comment on it.
“You’re going to get sick,” he croaks.
You feel tears beginning stream down your face, and you can barely muster an apology. “I-I'm s-sorry, Ume.”
He pats at your back. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”
A few minutes later, once your crying has reduced to the occasional sniffle, he helps you up and moves the two of you over to an empty bench that is placed beside a vending machine. Without asking, he slots a few coins in, and the machine retrieves two cans of hot tea, one of which he passes to you as he sits beside you.
From the corner of your eye, you watch as he cracks open the drink and takes a sip. You expect him to ask you about what you’re thinking, what’s going on, why you reacted the way you did.
“I’m sorry.”
You startle, but you don’t say anything.
“I should’ve asked if it was okay to touch you.”
You swivel your head to look at him, eyebrows scrunched with confusion. You ask, “What are you talking about?”
He nudges his head back towards the railing. “Earlier, when we crouching. I just couldn’t help it, but I should’ve asked. ”
“O-oh.”
You look back down at your lap.
You take a deep breath before pressing, “Aren’t you going to ask me about my meltdown?”
He simply shrugs and takes another sip. He exhales, followed by a puff of condensation, and responds, “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“But aren’t you curious?”
You’re facing him again, and Hajime, with his dimmed, stormy grey eyes, stares at you.
“Why the rush?” he replies. “We have time.” He raises his hand, reaching over, before pausing in realization. You catch his hesitant stare and lean forward yourself so that his hand can pat you on the head. He smiles before continuing, “We can go at whatever pace we want. We should slow down when we need to, and make big decisions when we have to. I don’t want me or this relationship to be a source of stress for you.”
You’re stunned, but you really shouldn’t be. Of course, he’s so understanding and empathetic. Sometimes, you think your boyfriend can be a little too laidback, but it’s moments like this that remind you that you’re grateful for that part of him as well.
“S-so...,” you whisper, “... we don’t need to move in together?"
He nods and kisses you on the temple. “Not at all! I’m realizing it came off really forceful, but really, I only wanted to ask you to consider the possibility of it.”
Feeling a little weak, you sigh and rest your head on his shoulder. You mutter, “I totally overreacted. I’m so sorry, Ume.”
He kisses you again, this time on the center of your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. But we can figure this out together, yeah? We’ll live together eventually – or at least I hope so –, and we’ll fix whatever’s bothering you.”
You purse your lips together at his words. When he finishes, you immediately ask, “How can you sound so confident? What if something happens, and we break up?”
Hajime groans at the question, more than displeased at the thought. Chewing at his lip, he thinks for a few seconds before he answers, “Well, that’d really suck, and I can’t promise you that we won’t break up. But!”
He grabs your hand in his and puffs out his chest. You can’t help but chuckle at his antics. 
“But,” he resumes, “I want to be with you, so I’ll do whatever I can so that we don’t break up. If we still do, then that can’t be helped, but while we’re together, I’ll do my best to make us happy!”
He raises your clasped hands up towards the sky and laughs loudly. You can’t help but reciprocate his energy, giggling as well.
“When you put it like that,” you admit, still chuckling, “it feels like everything’s going to be just fine.”
“Of course, it will be!” he exclaims and flashes you a proud smirk. “The two of us will make it work.”
You shake your head out of disbelief. Less than an hour ago, it felt like the world was closing in on you, like you were going to lose your foothold at any point. But here you are, with your lover, and his words seemed to have revived you, renewed your faith with blinding, unfailing hope, and you feel like you can take on any problem that could be thrown at the two of you.
The surge of confidence helps you make your decision, and you hold his face with one hand, guiding him gently to hear you out.
“Hajime,” you say, taking care to speak slowly, wanting to get your feelings as clearly as possible across, “I appreciate the offer – I truly do –, but I don’t think we should move in together just yet. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to or that I care about you or us any less, but I... I just need to think about it more. Can you, um, give me some time?”
Instead of agreeing or denying, your boyfriend whispers, “Can I hug you?,” to which you can barely nod at before he’s crushing you in his arms. You gasp out loud at the impact, but this time, it’s not too much. It’s grounding, reassuring, loving in a way that only Hajime can manage.
Even though you need air, you still manage to choke out a laugh, and you hug him back. If the two of you can figure every problem out like this, then everything will probably be alright.
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winter event masterlist
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