#Emilia Perez

[bagholes]

English subtitles for Johanne Sacreblue

You've probably heard of a parody of Emilia Pérez (produced by a Mexican trans woman!!!) called Johanne Sacreblue. The whole thing is in Spanish (and French, obviously), so I translated the whole thing to English (see read more)

While I wasn't involved in the production of the original short, I'm Mexican and I have a degree in Translation and Applied Linguistics, so hopefully you'll enjoy my translation. Please give the video some love and don't give Emilia Pérez more attention!!

!!!!!!!! ENGLISH SUBTITLES !!!!!!!!!

(Hey! I'm a professional translator, and I translated the whole thing in English. Please upvote so more people can enjoy this video!)

Ah, nauseating France.   

Home of wonderful food such as baguettes, croissants, and more.

Lots of wonderful people live here.

Obviously, we’re French. 

This might look like a love story,

but open your eyes and pay attention!

In France there’s rising burglary rates. 

But why tell you about France when I can show you?

Welcome to la France!

♫

Welcome to la France.

A unique and special country.

Where you’ll know what it means to truly love. Love, love from France.

Live the experience of this place. 

[Homer Simpson voice] Wow, classy.

Maitre D': Good evening, sir. Would you please leave without a fuss right now?

Homer: OK.

Welcome to la France

where you’ll get your heart stolen,

and your wallet, too.

Welcome to la France,

but if you’re Muslim, homosexual, or Black,

I want you to stay back. 

Crêpes? Les crêpes? I didn’t shower today. 

I’m not worried. I smell just fine. 

Like rats, sweat, and wine.

The cheese I eat smells better than me,

but my perfume can take care of it. 

I love feeling superior. 

Here’s some rapping just because. 

Oh, mon ami. Merci. Sacré bleu. Comment tu t’appelles? Merci. Déjà vu. Bon voyage! Pizza, kwason. 

It’s croissant, croissant, croissant!

Welcome to la France

where you’ll get your heart stolen,

and your wallet, too.

Welcome to la France,

but if you’re Muslim, homosexual, or Black,

I want you to stay back. 

Hit it, Mbappé. 

Viva Cinco the Mayo!

Long live cakes!

Marie Antoinette! 

Long live cakes!

My fucking crêpe still hurts when I think of you

Part 1: surprise and challenge.

Maybe all those years living in a ranch were good for him.

He wasn’t living in a ranch!

He lived in Mexico City for ten years.

Same thing. It might as well have been a jungle.

Mexicans are savages. 

Do you know what they do to cheese over there?

They eat it fresh!

I don’t think he copied their ways.

He’s still a good Frenchman.

He better be. I expect no less.

He’s my only son. 

All the suffering in Mexico must’ve gotten rid of his rebel nature. 

He’ll be the perfect man. The perfect male successor for the largest baguette company in France.

My son. My manly son. 

Did I already mention that my son is a man?

He’s here!

Maman, papa… bonjour!

Son of a-

[title credits] Johanne Sacreblue. Directed by someone with ADHD.

What were you up to in Mexico?

I learned how to open a beer using a bill.

Jonathan is using a dress, Bridgitte. And he has breasts! What do you think he was up to in Mexico?

Now my name is Johanne.

Nonsense! You’re not getting the company. No way. 

That’s fine. I don’t even want it. 

Honey, it’s your future. You’re our only DAUGHTER. You have to take the position. 

You’ll get the company. End of story. 

You don’t even want me to own the company!

Because I didn’t think it’s what you wanted!

Why did we stop speaking French?

What did you say?

Nothing. I got confused.

I’ll tell you something: remember the Ratatouille? They gave us this letter. They challenged us to the national France competition to decide once and for all what’s better: baguettes or croissants. 

Do you want to enjoy your fortune? Win this competition and manage the company. Or go back to Mexico to eat guacamole.

For the last time, no! You won’t get the company. 

I’m the only one who’s always loved croissants.

I’m the oldest son. It’s my right. 

Your right? How can think that about your brothers?

Any of them could do a good job.

Hugo can’t get over his artistic phase and he’s addicted to sniffing paint thinner!

I’m not just sniffing paint thinner! Yellow paint makes me happy.

Mario Hugo! Good luck with his twangy voice.

Mario Hugo: I agree with my beloved brother, but I love you, my family. 

No one knows what you’re saying!

Dugo is young! Why can’t it be me?

Well, first of all, you don’t have a penis!

Oof. Gotcha.

I’m trans. Other than that, I haven’t changed at all. 

Does it really affect you that much?

I’ve made myself clear: anything that affects our family affects me!

It’s not that we don’t love you, honey, it’s just that… you embarrass us. 

You’re not even an Hugo!

Yes, I am! I’m [French accent] Arturo! (Translator’s note: the rhyme got lost in translation. Sorry about that). 

“Arturo” isn’t “Hugo”!

Yes, it is! Ar-tu-ro!

Where did you get that?

Well… Chofls!! The letter!

The Sacrebleu have invited us to the Great Paris Competition. We will show once and for all what food item best represents our country! If you beat that family’s stupid transexual, you’ll get the company

I don’t know what to do, bestie. I don’t want to own that goddamn company. 

And why don’t you learn how to do something?

Because if I do it, they’re gonna cut me off, and I’ll be an unemployed, 28-year-old trans woman who has no life skills. 

Why don’t you just tell your father that you don’t want to do it and that you won’t do it?

It’s too late. I have no choice. 

Bestie, I’m so sorry you can’t enjoy your fortune with no commitment.

It’s awful…

Good evening, ladies. What can I get you?

I’ll have some French molletes.

I’ll have chicken.

Of course, ma’am. How shall we cook it?

Anything is fine as long as you kill it as cruelly as possible. 

Excellent choice, ma’am.

Anything else? Would that be all?

That’ll be all. Well, actually, I think I also want-

You said that would be all! You must assume the consequences of your decisions. Rot in hell! [spits]

Oh my, what a great service!

I know! They have the best customer service in France! Okay, so are you signing up for the competition?

I really don’t have a choice…

Bestie, you can do anything. You’re stronger than every woman I know, and I’m not just saying this because you used to be a man…

Thanks for the clarification.

You’re gonna compete and you’re gonna win.

Emily, you have no idea how much that means to me. You’re the only reason I wanted to come to Paris. I wanted to see my friend Emily in Paris. It was the only reason I wanted to come tot this city: see Emily in Paris.

Oh là là, I know! Everyone tells me that! What I don’t get is why you don’t want to compete. This is such an honor for France-

It’s just that there’s a lot of things I don’t understand since I came back. Why are we so impolite? Why do we love animal cruelty? And why exactly do we hate Muslims? 

Because it’s fun!

Yeah, maybe, but have you ever considered that it’s wrong?

Oh my God! You’re right! I’d never thought about it! We’re awful!

Oui!

What we do to birds… we drown them in cognac! Why are we doing it? Who thought of that?

I don’t know.

I feel.. dirty! I want to take a shower!

I knew I wasn’t crazy!

Seriously… I never thought that we were doing something wrong. I always thought that people who get minimum wage liked how we treat them. No wonder they sent you to Mexico… You’re crazy.

I got sent to Mexico for being trans.

They sent you to Mexico because you’ve been hallucinating. You’re seeing Marie Antoinette.

I’m not hallucinating! It’s the actual ghost of Marie Antoinette.

Marie Antoinette: don’t listen to hear. She dresses like a Guatemalan. I’m as real as my tragic death. They should behead her for having such damaged hair.

There’s no point in knowing the truth about France. At the end of the day, I’m just an ordinary French millionaire with enough money to live for four days. There’s nothing I can do.

Marie Antoinette: [unintelligible] sleep paralysis at night.

If you win, all of France will listen to you.

Ladybug: Welcome to the most important competition of la France, where France’s most important families will make a very important decision.

Cat Noir: that’s right! We’re here to make a very important decision. What food best represents France: baguettes or croissants?

Our fellow citizens will know what we’re talking about, but for those dirty foreigners that only know how to use soap…

Wear perfume!

We’ll explain the rules.

There’s two events: whoever wins both will be victorious!

The first even will be a race! The first one to reach the Eiffel tower, touch it and say our catchphrase “we give up!” will be the winner!

Without further ado, we’re heading to the competition!

It’s the best race I’ve seen years!

The Ratatouille throw a croissant to the Sacreblue and almost slashes her throat. It’s cat-tastic!

But Johanne takes the lead with 400 rats, and she wins the race!

Rats! Meow!

Here she comes!

Vive la France!

Your love for croissants ends here. What an embarrassment!

Don’t feel bad, honey. I never really expected anything from you. 

Arturo, I’m not gonna lie…

Brother, defeat will only make you stronger.

What?

You’re a great man. You’ll make it. 

Can I have five French dollars to buy yellow paint? I want to paint. 

Later that night in some French dumpster

♫

I’m just a trash man in Paris.

Another piece of trash in Paris.

But I’m also the greatest trash

I’m the trash man.

I’m such trash that I made a fortune using other cultures.

I’m such trash that I enjoy cancelling last minute

because I’m scared 

that they’ll see my tiny baguette.

I don’t have the guts to say that I fucked up.

I’m scared to know what people think of me

If I’m a good guy or just a bald bad guy

I’m such trash that it’s embarrassing.

I thought Karla Sofia was from Puebla.

I’m such trash that I wrote a musical about narcos.

“Penis to vagina, woman to man.”

What the fuck was that shit, bro?

I’m disgusting, don’t you see? 

I’m disgusting, don’t you see? 

Part 2: from hate to love

Why did you ask me to meet you here?

[sigh] I came to ask you to stop fighting over something as dumb as bread.

Baguettes are just bread, but croissants are France itself. It’s in our veins, in our wine, in the air we breathe!

Arturo, wait, don’t do it!

[coughing]

You can’t take a deep breath in France. Dumbass.

Whatever. You’re just saying this because you’ve been away for a long time. You’re nothing but a chimichanga lover. 

Cinco de Mayo!

How dare you!

Does it make you feel good to be a man hitting a woman?

Actually, yes. Now I get why we do it.

I’ve had enough! I can’t take it anymore! What’s wrong with France? Why do they like to hit women? Why do they like racism? Can’t you see that what we’re doing is wrong?

Actually, no. I had never thought about it. I never considered that… Oh my God… We’re monsters! What are we doing? We must put an end to this!

But how?

You’ll do it with me. With your amazing arguments, we’ll change France. 

Do you think it can be done? But how?

Oui, mademoiselle. If you let me win the second event, it’ll be a tie, and they’ll have to listen to us according to the French rules I hadn’t mentioned before. 

I don’t know if I can trust you.

Trust me, mademoiselle. Trust this stinky French heart.

Alright. Kiss me.

Do you want me to kiss you?

Yes. Give me a French kiss.

Here it’s just “a kiss”, stupid

Welcome to the second competition!

This is the most fabulous competition! It’s the racism competition!

That’s right, Cat Noir! And for those stupid Americans who don’t know what we’re talking about, in this competition, participants are given a total of 30 minutes to deport and catch as many immigrants as possible.

Everything is allowed: from making up crimes to blackmailing! 

Each Muslim is worth 5 points. However, participants can get extra points from hate crimes against Muslims, Black people, Latinos, members of the LGBT community, and fans of Emily in Paris!

Let’s watch the racism competition!

We apologize for the technical issues. Cat Noir had a fanatic episode. 

It was amazing! With a great lead, our winner, Arturo, was victorious. So we’ll have to call this a tie. 

Oh! For the first time in more than ten years, we’re getting some words from our ten French emperors!

Stop!

There… won’t be… a tie!

This decision will no longer be postponed. 

 Declaramos abierto el duelo final.

And it’ll happen right now.

Because I love Queen Marie Antoinette.

The final duel…

It’s the fight to the death with baguettes!

Good luck! And may the Frenchest win. Yes. Oui. Oui. Oui.

[Elmo]

Part 3: destiny

Fight to the death with baguettes?!

Fight to the death with baguettes?!

Fight to the death with baguettes?!

I think there’s gonna be a fight to the death with baguettes.

What? Fight to the death with baguettes? What’s that?

Oh, fight to the death with baguettes. I’ve heard about it. I think they’re gonna fight to the death… with baguettes.

[gasp]

Johanne: I don’t want to fight to the death with baguettes with you.

Arturo: Neither do I, but we have no choice.

J: Yes, there is. Haven’t they considered that this is wrong?

No!

Arturo: Papa Johns!

Papa Johns: I pitted your families against you with a little help from whom you love the most… your butlers. 

Arturo: Chofls!

Johanne: Wigles, why?

Wiggles: I’m sorry, madame. I need the money, and you haven’t given me raise in 25 years. 

Papa Johns: I’ll destroy you so the greatest French food gets recognition: French fries!

Johanne: You’re losing a lot of wine.

Johanne: you have a rat on your head!

Papa Johns: this tiny chef taught me his secrets, and I used them for evil. 

Wigles: I think I got Stockholm syndrome due to so many years of labor exploitation.

And that’s how we got away from the bad guy, Mr. French ambassador. 

Controlled by a rat… The nightmare of every French. Ladies and gentlemen, that’s how Johanne Sacreblue and Arturo Ratatouille restored the glory of France. What a captivating story you’ve brought us, full of pain and social commentary. Is there anything else you would like to add before we run out of funds?

Well, actually, yes. As many of you know, I went to Mexico, and my fellow Mexicans asked me to bring a gift to France when I came back, and what a better person to give it to than the ambassador? 

Oh, what wonderful surprise have you brought from Mexico? Could it be some wonderful Mexican tortillas?

Wait… Is that-

Yes, a cake. Un gâteau. 

[Credits]

And that’s the story of how your parents saved la France.

Thanks for telling me these stories, grandma.

My grand-son. My grand-son, a boy…

[sigh] 

♫

Tito, my grandson Tito (translator’s note: another rhyme that got lost in translation. Sorry again). Tito, tito. My grandson Tito. 

You smell like frog legs in the morning.

You smell like you haven’t showered in weeks. 

You smell like a moldy baguette.

You smell like the omelette that I ate. 

You smell like cheese. Smelly, smelly!

You smell like your grandma.

Tito, Tito, Tito, my grandson Tito. 

You smell like snails. You smell like escargot.

You smell like France. 

[themathomhouse]

obsessed that a french guy was like, hmmmmmm I wish to write a spanish-language musical about a mexican drug cartel crime lord transitioning. sure I can't write music, don't speak spanish, know nothing about mexico or the drug war, and also know nothing about being trans; but that shall not stop me

[lelouch]

if you're upset at Emilia Pérez and want to see a real mexican movie that treats the epidemic of missing and murdered people in México with actual empathy and touch, please watch Ruido (2022).

It's based on many stories of missing women and of femicide. It features a woman searching for her missing daughter and becoming an activist for the thousands of missing people countrywide.

As it's based on real things happening in the country, the production included help from real mothers of missing people, called madres buscadoras. They're activists that search all over the country for their loved ones, either dead or alive. The madres buscadoras of the state of San Luis Potosí acted and advised in this movie.

It's an amazing film that deals with some of the most delicate subjects in mexican society and has an amazing story.

[danny-the-coolest]

Do you guys know respectable mexicans absolutely LOATHE Emilia Pérez and a mexican trans woman did a short film in like a week mocking it and called it Johanne Sacreblue and it's all french sterotypes and at some point it has Ladybug and Chat Noir fighting a mime in the background while the characters talk and the amount of rats in the scene increases each time the frame changes? It's important to me that people know this

[sudaca-swag]

my favorite comments from the Mexican YouTube satire of Emilia Pérez (Joanne SacreBleu) translated so you understand why this movie is a racist mess, problematic and disrespectful

xiaotang5894:"Some French people gave this movie negative reviews but it's not because it's bad, it's because they didn't understand this huge masterpiece. Thankfully us foreigners know their culture better than they do so we know how well represented it was"

alltrueistic: "heard they tried really hard to hire a lot of French people for this movie but they didn't find a single talented one :("

camilanavarro4745: "as a latina that has an Eiffel tower keyring i bought in a bazaar I can say that this film is a work of art, it faithfully represents the reality and struggles of French people, its definitely worthy of awards such as the golden globes and the Oscars"

relatosdelanoche: "in 2018 I got France in the lottery and won $800 pesos ($40usd) which makes me feel really close to that country so I can say that this is a beautiful homage to France 😍 hopefully the entire world can know France through this masterpiece"

thanku4damusic: "I'm Peruvian and I live 1km away from France Park, so I can vouch for this movie being an excellent representative of French culture, congratulations from Perú ❤️"

bansheedelioncourt: "as someone who has watched ratatouille 3 times I consider myself an expert on French culture and I must congratulate you on this excellent representation of it, it clearly shows how the previous research was extensive and detailed"

terereballinas: "Seeing as I once had rats in my house, I can vouch for this framing perfectly what french daily life is like, I felt the croissant and the Bonjour vibes"

valeritadgil: "this movie made me fall in love with French culture so much that I haven't showered in five days"

[fulltimecatwitch]

not Issa Lopez defending Emilia Perez and saying that it portrays the violent situation in our country better than any other project made by mexican directors when movies/documentaries like these exist 😐

btw you should check out these movies instead of Emilia Perez

[freshmoviequotes]

Emilia Pérez (2024)

[alltoowsll]

Either way, for most Mexicans, the awards Emilia Pérez has won don’t represent us at all.

[anniesafangirl]

I love Mexico because a mexican content creator saw Emilia Pérez, the truly atrocious way it handled mexican culture and the terrible issues of drug cartels killing and kidnapping people, and all the recognition it's getting, and she went "actually we SHOULD do something about this"

So now she's written, produced, choreographed, starred in, and directed a 30 min independent film that's basically what Emilia Pérez looks like from a mexican perspective. It's full of French stereotypes including mimes and (fake) rats everywhere, the ghost of Marie Antoinette, and Ladybug and Chat Noir.

It's an enemies to lovers rom-com, a musical, both leads are trans actors, it has three original songs, and some very VERY bad French. It follows baguette heiress Johanne Sacreblu, whose family has been challenged to a duel by a prominent croissant-making family in order to prove which type of bread best represents France. So, Johanne must battle the croissant family's son, Agtugo, in a French-ness duel to prove that baguettes truly represent French culture better than croissants.

The entire film was made from start to finish in, I believe, under a week. It's on YouTube for anyone to watch, and there is talk of it potentially being shown in some movie theaters.

Moral of the story, don't mess with Mexicans, because they will hit back and they will be funnier and better organised than you XD

[bikatsukiyuuri]

so was nobody going to tell me there was actually good queer mexican representation in the oscar best picture race all along.

and was nobody going to tell me that it was in the fucking pope movie.

[uwuspaceboy]

losing isn't enough i want emilia perez to be shot in the street like a dog

[scottsumrners]

wait, what's the T? what's going on?

> emilia perez gets nominated for 13 oscars, despite being a terrible movie that portrays both mexico and the trans community on a very bad light

> critics, the trans community and LatAm all criticize it heavily for, again, being a terrible movie

> I'm Still Here is nominated for 3 oscars, and it is being universally praised worldwide for its story and its acting, especially Fernanda Torres (also nominated for best actress)

> LatAm is throwing support over I'm Still Here because it's a movie about Latin America, made by Latinos, starring Latinos; the general consensus is to support it over Emilia Perez, who is made by a Frenchman (who recently said Spanish is the language of "poor people"), starring a Spaniard in brownface, and who doesn't have any latinos in the cast; apparently there just weren't any latinos talented enough to star in it, according to the director? also Emilia Perez used AI for the songs, because the disney channel girl can't sing for shit, and she can't speak spanish

> Karla Sofia Gascon has incredibly thin skin, and she sees the support for Fernanda Torres as an attack on her. She (who doesn't follow Fernanda on Instagram at all) makes a video begging Fernanda to ask brazilians to stop "attacking" her and her movie

> Fernanda makes the video, even though she doesn't have to. Karla doesn't repost the video or acknowledge it in any way.

> a week later she gives an interview where she says that "people working with Fernanda's team" are enacting a smear campaign against her movie (untrue) (ALSO A BLATANT VIOLATION OF ACADEMY AWARDS RULES)

> brazilian twitter's ire awakens

> she makes a half-assed attempt at damage control

> too. fucking. late

> brazilian twitter has spent the better part of yesterday/today unearthing her past tweets. some TRULY heinous stuff. racist, xenophobic, backstabbing shit.

> she's been trying to delete them, but not fast enough. it's out there. and we are out for blood

Again i can't stress enough how bad this movie and how bad she fucked up doing this

[allegorias]

hi tumblr! this is a not-so-friendly-but-really-tired reminder that please please PLEASEEEE stop giving emilia pérez your time and energy!!!

i'm not so eloquent to enlist all the things that are wrong with the movie so here's a quick thread i found on xtwitter:

i'm not trans myself but members of the trans community have also critized the narrative of the movie because of this

yes, i know we all love musicals but this one? ain't it. i know everybody's eager with trans representation moreover if it's a trans actor in a main role but this film? ain't it. really. and not this trans woman, a full racist and classist who called 'gatos' (cats, derogative) to mexicans for not liking the movie. really. just so you know this movie is soooo bad that not only mexico but all latin american countries are so angry because of it. that's why it hasn't released here yet.

also, to all people who tries to defend this movie as 'a cultural, policial and social diagnosis of mexican reality that mexican film industry always tries to hide under the rug' (in words of the film press campaign that defends emilia pérez). there are dozens of mexican films made by mexican directors and screenwriters that talk about the violence in the country, most of them with all the hurt and respect (even the not-dramatic ones) that is needed in a topic like this and not making it a cheap musical. here are some of them:

the most recent? sujo which was released last year too and talks about a niño sicario (a child hitman for the narco) that didn't get any nomination btw!!

so yeah, take your money and energy elsewhere. maybe go to watch "i'm still here" the only latino (brazilian) movie that is nominated this award season that talks about a mother and activist coping with the forced disappearance of her husband during the military dictatorship in brazil because that's how you should treat such sensitive topics, thanks.

[dizzy-miss-lizzieeeeee]

Imagine being Diego Luna, having been the executive producer of a documentary that talks about independent journalism in Mexico and how it faces the problems of violence and forced disappearances due to drug trafficking and corruption in the country to the point of displacing, silencing, disappearing and/or killing journalists, then you go to the Golden Globes and see that they award a film by a Frenchman that gives redemption to a drug trafficker just for transitioning, when said Frenchman admited in his interviews that he did not investigate, nor was he interested in knowing the context in which Mexico lives at this moment.

Anyway, watch State of Silence, so you have the context why Emilia Pérez is a disgrace.

[the-knight-of-the-stars]

As Zoe Saldaña accepts that oscar I hope you all remeber she has endorsed and praised the racists Jacques Audiard and Karla Sofía Gascón over and over. She keeps defending the ofensive racist movie she was a part of and once again had nothing no say in her speech for the victims of cartel violence that Emilia Pérez exploits.

Absolutely embarrassing.

[altumvidetur]

Camille, singing: Emilia, Emiliaaaaaa

Everyone else: