#Egg man...... Save me egg man...
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IM ABT TO go insane I need to blurt it out here bc I dont use Twitter anymore but I adore and cherish sO MUCH DRAGON AGE Im about to vomit all the feelings out of my guts, it keeps me awake at night I dont remember the last time I slept properly.... but it feels good. I feel like I'm a teenager again bc it's been ages since I last loved a silly piece of media so much
#SORRY...#Embarrassing moment#It scratches my head so bad I try to not bother my friends bc of it but it's hard#I NEED TO EXPRESS ALL MY LOVE FOR THIS#dragon age#got my first kiss w Solas I almost woke up my mother bc of how loud my gasp was#Egg man...... Save me egg man...
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Solas addressing current day Thedas about his plans to bring down the Veil:
#the egg was going to save the elves and lead a rebellion and instead you made it all about mythal and only mythal#by all means have mythal and solas's relationship be fucked#but why minimize Solas's entire past as a freedom fighter for this?? his motivations were lessened so much from what trespasser set up#the game made him so unlikable to me#joplin cut save me </3#that version actually had him helping the elves like he said he was going to do in trespasser -> instead he started two world wars in datv#he absolutely only made life worse for the elves and everyone else on thedas since the moment he woke from his beauty sleep & that's fucked#led to thousands and thousands more dying and the entire south being blighted to hell#make the man whose flaw is that he cares too much cause the most harm to everyone on thedas in its TOTALITY from the titans to this point#they did you dirty solas >:(#people won't remember him in thedas as a freedom fighter post datv -> there will be no songs or legends about the true fen'harel#remembered as he should be as the man who stood up to gods for the slaves -> who risked all he had in the name of freedom against tyrants#instead he set in motion the greatest conflict of the age as well as corypheous -> people will curse his name just like the dalish once did#they will look around at the blighted remains of their lands and the bodies of those they loved and they will blame him and be 100% correct#god it just makes me feel depressed what they did to him#the elves would absolutely be fucked all over again because of this - their gods returning and blighting the world#while another was responsible for it happening in the first place????#then to hint that the forbidden/forgotten ones are still out there as an antagonist too?! stoppppp#datv critical#datv spoilers#bioware critical#dragon age the veilguard
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Jaiden: Cucurucho, you have a lot of power, right?
Cucurucho: ...I don't know. Maybe.
Roier: Ah... Yes, you know, don't act like a dumbass, you have it. You have it, man. Eh?
Jaiden: Is there a way for us to protect all the Eggs? Do you know? I don't want anything to happen to the Eggs that happened to Bobby.
Cucurucho: Ha ha ha
Roier: WHAT? [Smacks Cucurucho]
Jaiden: [Bops him] Headpats.
Cucurucho: Maybe.
Jaiden: [Continues to bop him] Headpats. C'mon, I can get it out of you! Headpats! Chin scratches! Belly rubs!
Roier: [Joins Jaiden in bopping Cucurucho, chuckling and laughs]
Jaiden: Yeah? He's comin' around!
[Jaiden and Roier both laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#Roier#Cucurucho#QSMP#Jaiden#Animations Family#There is. So much I could say about these three#and so much I could say about their relationship / interactions with Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo#Cards on the table... I really would have loved it if Cucurucho / Osito genuinely cared about Jaiden#I mean I know they DID care about her to some extent that much is clear#But they / the Federation were also ABSOLUTELY using her. I'm not arguing that they weren't#But how could anyone not be charmed by Jaiden? The boba the tea parties the head pats–#The empathy and kindness and everything that made q!Jaiden who she was–#Cucurucho and Osito were tools of the Federation but I do want to believe they cared about Jaiden. Albeit in their own fricked up way#I dunno. I know this sounds like massive copium probably but I watched all of her and Roier's streams interacting with them#and I personally think that conflict and duality makes for a more interesting story#But that's just me and my own personal biases. I dunno how to properly put it into words but I am cradling them all close to my heart#I loved Cucurucho / Osito and I thought they were interesting and I'm SO SAD we'll never know what Jaiden did for them in the past#Anyways. For anyone who's read this far into my rant– you know how Cucurucho saved the Eggs and Jaiden said she died in Purgatory?#I like imagining that she survived the bomb and wound up finding the Eggs in the aftermath#and she helped them survive until Cucurucho found them#I imagine that Jaiden was the reason they were able to escape from the Island / The Watcher / ElQuackity#She stayed behind to slow down their pursuers. And Cucurucho rescuing all the Eggs fulfilled his agreement with Jaiden—#A promise to protect the Eggs#Like I said a lot of this is copium but that's what I like imagining#TLDR: Cucurucho / Osito did care about her in a weird way but that doesn't mean they weren't manipulating her#May 31 2023#Idk man I got a lot of emotions about q!Jaiden#Roier too but I feel like I've done way more analysis posts about him and Cucurucho. Jaiden needs time in the spotlight#Anyways there's my monthly tag rant
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reading “a knight of the seven kingdoms” for the first time in preparation for the upcoming show and everything was good til they removed baelor’s helmet… why did george kill him like that?
i’m so distraught what the actual fuck
if i had a penny for every time i fell in love with a gallant, hunky, hot prince who has martell blood in him and died tragically from a fatal head injury, i would have two pennies… it isn't a lot, but it's still crazy it happened twice
#save me beautiful gallant princes with martell blood save me#oberyn martell#baelor breakspear#baelor targaryen#grrm you sick sick old man#a knight of the seven kingdoms#dunk and egg#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#valyrianscrolls
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Medical log, stardate 18935.15. Once more have I seen the tailor go out in his lizard fashion—
#least funny way to make this joke BUT. look how much thought I put into that stardate!#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#it would be so much easier to listen to the new audiodrama podcast of drac daily instead of reading but unfortunately#our dear solicitor will forever sound exactly like our dear doctor to me now because somehow it has become Hot Reptile Summer in my brain#and everything is melting together like changeling soup. and this is BEFORE the gomens s2 premiere. christ.#Dracula: How dare you touch him!! This man belongs to me!! I too can love!!!#me reading All That: omg just like in all my favorite ''Garak saves Julian from other Cardassians'' fanfics :3#god I love how as far as I know there's literally nothing in canon to support any of our weird kinky#''claiming a mate by leaving a bite mark scar on their neck'' or any of that other fanon stuff for Cardassians#it's not like with the Klingon dicks or Vulcan pon farr. anybody could make up absolutely anything about Cardassians#and every single writer I've ever read has chosen shit like mating bites scent marking egg laying#and of course. glowing blue WAP with a built in strap. I fucking love you Deep Space 9 fandom there will never be another like you!!!!!!#Starky's Original Posts#Dracula Daily#COMPUTER. ERASE LOG.
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god tywin lannister deserved worse
just remembering elias death and i wanna puke and the way tywin talks about elia and what happened is so damn gross
but rip tommen and myrcella we all know what’s about to happen in the next book :/
the cycle of violence just keeps spinning and damn you tywin for beginning it
(i got a bit crazy in the tags 💀)
#rest in peace elia and rhaenys#i’m one of those crazy ppl who thinks jaqen h’ghar is aegon 💀#literally lost the teeny tiny amount of credibility i had#anyways i think doran’s in on it and i think rhaegar switched out asharas child for aegon paralleling the baby swap jon does#the pact made in braavos about viserys and dany marriages is a half truth half lie#and arianne being sent to faegon is simply doran testing his heir. if she messes up then whoever’s spying for doran will correct her#gerold dayne knows too much that’s why doran thinks he’s too dangerous#but this would make the dornish plot sooooo much more interesting and would show that no doran hasn’t been doing nothing#it would also automatically make the daynes more important#jaqen (aegon) was in kings landing to kill robert but got caught by varys. syrio was sent to find him. ned cleared out the black cells tho#saving aegon in the process. fun how we’re actually introduced to this character through lyanna starks mini me arya#aegon was able to kill robert with a boar tho so mission accomplished.#now he’s in old town trying to hatch his dragon egg. the stone beast taking flight in danys vision is aegon being symbolically depicted…#..as a spinx#i’m crazy delusional. but ppl who think faegon is actually aegon are even more delusional than me#plus the real aegon being alive fulfills the suns son part of quaithes warnings#i like this theory bc it makes the dorne plot more interesting and it explains whatever is going on with jaqen h’ghar cause he is sus#yes yes i know i’m delusional 💀 i just think it’d be a very interesting twist#kinda hoping no one sees this post at this point bc i know no one will take this theory well lol#i do think this theory can be supported by the text tho#and cerseis throw away line about ned stealing asharas baby would suddenly become peak foreshadowing#barristan comparign dany to ashara would also be peak foreshadowing bc ashara would take the place of gilly in this parallel and she was dis#dishonored by someone at harrenhall. likely aerys and then she turned to a stark probably brandon for comfort#tbh i think it was ashara who lied to brandon about what happened to lyanna. perhaps she was trying to mess with brandon’s wedding and#was trying to get back at rhaegar for humiliating elia at the tourney. i highly doubt it was baelish who lied to brandon cause brandon#has little reason to believe him and no reason to trust him. ashara tho? arthur daynes sister and elias lady in waiting? also his lover?#anyways varys the spider potentially stealing aegon away (if he did take a child it was the false aegon) is there to parallel the others#who ride ice spiders taking crasters sons. tbh i think it was aegon who decided he wanted to train as a faceless man so he could get revenge#on his own terms. and the sea lord of braavos at the time was in on it and helped aegon with his plans#the unveiling coming up is going to be a lot more important than arya just reclaiming her identity. yes im delusional lmao. rant over
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also me playing ??? pass ??? with the bracken ???
#» TIME TO ROLL THE DICE ( OOC )#» A MAN ONCE TOLD ME TO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES. SO I WORE HIS SKIN. ( CLIPS )#I JUST WANTED TO SAVE EGG AND THAT EGG WOULDNT EXPLODE...#feat nobuu's clicking in the bg FJGHDSJFHGSD
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Aside from the noble platypus I also feel like rui would really enjoy these animals:
Mola mola/Sunfish
Anteater
Echidna
Kiwi
Kākāpō
Axolotl
Horseshoe crab
Gibbon
#i have reasoning for all of these beyond ‘they look funny’ trust#mola mola are just. so fucking weird man. they’re so odd. their back fin grows back on itself? they’re so rigid it reduces drag#but they ‘swim’ really slowly? they swim similar to how a bird flies. just sideways. largest bony fish. they bask to get enough warmth#to allow them to dive super deep to forage for food (cold blooded so they’d be fucked without doing that)#anteaters are interesting. did you know they’ve (the giant ones) killed jaguars and humans before#because they walk on the knuckles to keep the huge knives on their feet sharp and their threat response#is basically just ‘swipe blindly (poor vision) at whatever comes close until it stops coming back’#echidnas are fellow monotremes (only ones besides the platypus) and are just as strange#they also have electrosensors (~2000 compared to the platypus’s 40000) and a similarly low body temp#(second lowest of all mammals after. u guessed it. the platypus) and are actually decent swimmers despite looking Like That#kiwis are weird beasts.#massive eggs compared to their body size. rely more on scent than sight because their eyes are so tiny and under developed.#kākāpō are the heaviest parrot and also the only flightless parrot. they also kinda resemble owls face wise? and they’re green.#evolved with no natural predators and are currently being fucked over by invasive rats#axolotl is self explanatory#although to give a fun fact the wild type is naturally brown. the fun colored ones would be easy prey in the wild.#& they’re capable of going through metamorphosis (like how tadpoles -> frogs) if exposed to the necessary hormones#but they don’t produce it on their own#horseshoe crabs despite having crab in the name are more closely related to spiders/ticks/scorpions than crabs#& gibbons are included because 1 I’m biased towards my favorite animal 2 only species of lesser ape. live in family units.#tbf I think he’d like all apes and probably prefer orangutans/chimps but I’m saving you the extensive lecture on great apes#here at ssruis we strive to be educational.#biology cool. despite me dropping out of the program (treated as premed at my college and I could NOT do chem let alone orgchem/physics) but#i liked biolab/the units abt animals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#rui
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dmc3 moment
#man if only agni and rudra died this easily in dmc3#for one of the first bosses in that game they sure gave me trouble on dmd...#all hail cerberus the parry machine! (saved my ass on that bossfight xD#anyways this is a very nice easter egg encounter#another reason to love swordmachines#ultrakill
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a collection of snippets from some of the discord happenings ( silver and grusha threads <3 ) : first date ; day two. pt 1.
silver’s gaze trails back from the wheelchair to his companion, taking in inventory of all that appeared on his visage and in his mannerisms. there’s an ease to it this time, not entirely does grusha really relax, but the battle that surely rages on where silver could not see seems to be won just that bit easier. and so this time, in direct response to the thumb caressing his skin does he turn his hand in their shared grasp and return the motions, the message. and this time, silver decides to verbalize the feeling that had bloomed. “proud of you.” soft and whispered thing, he doesn’t trust his voice or general lack of proper tone not to insinuate the wrong thing. silver deems a whisper worlds more sincere than anything else. [ ... ... ] he holds that now-met gaze and he gives another simple nod, firm and resolute – respectful. “chair it is.” and at that, stops the ministrations they shared with their hands, almost woefully parting from that warmth to bring himself to a stand. retrieves and wheels the chair over, careful not to bump into any playful baby foxes thinking the movement of the wheels would be indicative of a toy or a game. brings it to directly face grusha, the position he’d noted it to sit at when they’d moved themselves to the couch the night before. there’s a small gesture, an upturned hand yet not fully held out, an outing for grusha to deny or accept however he saw fit. it was always going to be his choice. “i’m, uh… i’m not a good cook in the slightest bit, so i don’t think the idea of offering to cook breakfast is on the table for me. i’d rather not have that be the thing that chases you off.”
that wasn’t what silver’d been expecting. was grusha about to… he processes the hand almost unable to close the gap, and gently takes it in his — skin on skin was still really nice — grateful for the balance on his feet he’d always been adept with. whatever had been present on grusha’s face was muted, not entirely gone as they maneuvered and pivoted to sit. but it’s quicker to melt away when silver’s words seem to have processed at that moment. a knee-jerk reaction, he guesses, as the disbelief has him stilling and staring at grusha with a dumbfounded expression lifting eyebrows. “ ’uxie above’ — oh, yeah? you’re teaching me?” instantly does he devolve into snickers erring on the side of barely-contained laughs. dare silver even say that was a ‘veiled roast’ if he’s ever heard one. no offense to be taken, no ; that was the funniest damn thing. “only cooking i’ve ever done is roasting over a campfire.” hand rests on grusha’s shoulder again, a squeeze of acknowledgment to their physical correction.
honestly, if this sort of conversation had gone down with anyone different than grusha, silver would've ended this with a glare and a prompt / pointed exit. either be it from embarrassment or disdain ; he didn't usually like to be met with anything that could be regarded as scrutiny. but this? this was funny, grusha's exasperation was hilarious and silver was genuinely tickled through and through. the snickers / light laughs fall so easily from him, it's like he's laughed his whole life in these moments. "i am going to try my very best to retain maybe twenty percent of it all, so that you'd do this again with me and i'd have to sit through another one of your 'i cannot believe you right now' moments." and it's at that comment, grusha's own laughter mixing with his that he genuinely has to take a moment to recollect himself. "i have no plans on experiencing that again, trust -- though, 'm honored to stress you out that much." another snort, before the doors open mid-contemplation and kurama's bounding in. [... ...] "besides, cooking for pokemon in the wild is a completely different thing than cooking for yourself! y'know, with -- spices. and flavors. flavor profiles?" scoffs, but it does little to quell the amused beam still sitting across his face. "i'm sure you're also worlds better than the guy from kalos, or those brothers from unova. how'd i get this lucky, huh, grusha?"
silver hums to that, a reflectiveness about him as he tries to recall all the times he's had cuisine from separate regions. anything and everything he didn't notice at the time, coming to a point right there because grusha was actually making him think about it. bringing attention to the things he'd otherwise never thought of. and there's a budding thought somewhere in the back of his mind -- how exciting it would be for him and grusha to travel together. all the things he might not otherwise have noticed or thought of, just because he'd have another person with him... and not just any person. [... ...] “that does sound worlds better than what i’ve been doing for twenty five years.” he’s hesitant, a part of him almost hidden behind the softness of this morning and the feelings that he’s bathing in at this very second – reject the help, accept it? silver will accept it -- a shaky resolution despite the distant roar of protest. he hopes it doesn’t come up down the line again, accepting help had always been something so foreign and unwanted to him. but something was different with the way how grusha… wasn’t really offering. [... ...] their eyes meet at that, a raised eyebrow doing little to put the intended incredulity into his expression past all the overflowing amusement. silver pats weavile’s head behind plumage, “hear that, buddy? he’s forcing me to do everything for myself, now. look at how far we’ve come.” it cries out its name in response, sniffing about partner before gladly making his way back to the glaceon. it was almost his way of saying thank johto, good luck! silver rolls his eyes before meeting grusha’s eyes once more, fondness at both his person and the adorable flareon in his lap. “can you believe this? just like that.” brings himself to stand from his previous squat, moving them both into the kitchen before glancing around somewhat sheepishly. “prep? uh… well, i’d think eggs, for one. you said toast, too – so bread. eggs, bread.”
they start listing off things to retrieve, and silver can follow along at first – the point is helpful, and though he’s a little hesitant to just make himself at home in someone else’s house – grusha’s home – he finds his way back to the counter with toaster at the ready. silver furrows eyebrows in contemplation, visualizing the processes in his mind as grusha walks him through the steps and reasoning – wait, huh? [... ...] “you’ve got – your fucking work cut out for you.” finally manages to regain his composure somewhat, though it’s fragile with how his lips tremble at the threat of a laugh bursting force yet again. forces himself to breathe, in and out, before diving back into the fridge. “alright. parmesan.” reaches out, tentatively pulling open a drawer and grabbing the nearest thing that looks like a block of cheese. “butter and half-and-half.” this takes a little longer, and he has to empty hands out onto the counter before trying to peer around for the spinach. finds the eggs instead, once again finding their way to the counter. “where’s the… the rotary thing and the spinach?”
grusha’s quick to respond to his curse with a language, and silver had to physically pause and look at them with a hardly-contained smirk. “‘language’? i don’t even think steven’s reprimanded me with a ’language.’” just barely doesn’t break composure again there, just barely manages to pass off another chuckle in snorts. gauging a reaction… this could very well be something he could give grusha shit for, later. he really is funny. “really proving your point on ‘going on forty,’ here.” [... ...] and it’s there that grusha reaches and grabs the aforementioned knife, pointing out all characteristics that it made it that kind, and silver examines it thoroughly – with interest. knives have always held enjoyment / punishment and curiosity to him, but he never bothered to learn about the differences and the intricacies past the specialities in butterfly or pocket knives – especially those in the kitchen. this might as well have been a whole separate language. there’s a stabbing pain right through the middle of his palm to the knuckle, but the only thing indicative of a predictable sensation is a slight twitch of his eye. not right now. but silver wasn’t one to run away from a challenge, though. and by rainbow phoenix he’s paying attention, soaking in everything grusha says and shows him with diligence, envisioning a slight difference that they’d mentioned. he nods at the comparison, and takes the handle to put it back proper – but not without giving it a closer look, of course. right at the junction of metal to handle (plastic, maybe? metal? this looked like metal…) and curvature of the tip and blade. and when it’s away, he’s turning back to grusha with a brighter shine to his eyes. “i’m glad i’m helping in a way kinda like how you’re helping me. i’m grateful for this, on a more serious note.” sterling gaze flickers to the counter, a very obvious thought of interest breaching his mind and he has little mind to think about consequences. “i know there’s a way how chefs hold knives, and cut with them. there’s this artistry to it that’s… really captivating, actually – can you do that?”
toboe seemingly responding whenever grusha mentioned him directly was an adorable thing silver was quick to appreciate in observation. reminded him of how talkative weavile can be whenever it'd been in direct vicinity, or especially honchkrow. the ways how his corvid mimics and adds its own mischievous taunt, sometimes eerily turning silver's own words back at him was the subject of many hilarious (and kinda terrifying) memories. "i relate to a degree. feraligatr can often take it up under his responsibility to delegate to everyone else what to do when i... can't move out of bed." those days are always rough. but they've navigated it together, as a whole team, and everyone had roles and duties to fulfill when silver just couldn't do it. how he'd make it up to them when he was feeling well enough to get up again. it wasn't dissimilar to how they'd work in tandem to set up camp, watch each others' backs, and survive for however long they needed to out in the wilderness.
good job, even. silver slows to a quick stop. there's a widened way about his eyes at he looks at grusha, right when those words had been paired with a touch of humor -- 'till he's quick to match soft smile to theirs. the way how his heart fluttered and soared and set his cheeks three degrees warmer was something he'd... once again have to pick apart later. the next few days (weeks, probably) were about to be full of introspection and breaking apart of his feelings, silver was sure. he was... looking forward to it, actually. back to the task at hand. grusha points and he follows, surveying the differences in sizes before settling on what he deemed 'medium-sized.' turns to discover they'd pulled out the board, nodding in a gesture of gratitude. "color coded? does... does the color signify anything, does it mean what kind of material it is?" eyebrows knit somewhat, "can you cut wrong?" based on cutting board alone? and silver's too busy contemplating the cutting board in his head and the semantics of it all, trying to logic his way out of all the possible differences that could lead to maybe duller blades or a not-so-clean cut. maybe red was a thicker plastic... maybe wood was only used for vegetables? his vision's snapped to the somewhat unexpected sound, though he's curious ; grusha's words catch up to him with the visual and he gives an nod in agreement. [ ... ... ] so instead, silver takes a deep breath before taking an egg and giving a (what he would think) to be a good enough impact -- and surprisingly it's a clean cut. it slips easily into the bowl, and the success sparks a tiny glimmer of alright, this is easy in him. a tiny bit. he picks up the second egg, and while this cut is a little less clean, silver's able to pry it apart without getting shells into the mixture and without breaking the yolk. alright. alright. it's when he goes for the third egg, though, that perhaps he'd gotten slightly too hasty. he goes to crack the egg with a much harder grip, much too hard, and as shell meets bowl it practically exploded in his hand in one fell swoop. half of whites and egg shell make it onto the counter, the other half cupped in a hand held up in the air. silver turns his head to look at grusha with a bewildered and shocked raise of eyebrows / parting of his lips / wideness of his eyes. "this sucks as a tactile feeling. i hate this. i hate this a lot."
silver's quick in his disgusted shake of the head of the idea of weavile licking all of this slop off of his fingers, sandpaper tongue and all -- he just barely staved off a dry heave at the combination of it all across senses. he locates the sink and quickly makes his way over to it, careful not to let the whites drip down his forearm onto the floor (and rolled up sleeve). and immediately does he turn the faucet on, desperately trying to rinse and be free of the disgusting feeling of raw eggs on his skin. leans over the counter at that second and breathes out the air he'd been holding in since the little explosion, a shaky chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all. and yet somehow, silver doesn't feel like... he should be all that ashamed. or rather, that smothering, all-consuming fire of self-hatred he found himself being enveloped in whenever he so much as made one tiny mistake in front of someone -- never comes. there are shades of it, some feeling around the fringes of his mind of wastage, inconvenience, but it doesn't swallow him whole. no, in fact when he's turning around after the question's asked, and he sees that grusha had already taken care of the mess, silver's filled with a softer sense of gratitude. a tug at the corners of his mouth, right as he's grabbing all the wipes / evidence and throwing it in the trash to bring the can over. smart. "sorry about that… i can get you some more eggs tomorrow." it's a little sheepish, but it's a start. "and thanks -- for cleaning that up, i should've been a little faster." tiny dip of his head, right before taking a deliberately longer breath ( barely counted, maybe rushed, who cares ). "let's give this another shot." and yes, he'll grab another egg to make up for the loss, but first -- easy enough. a little shaky, silver had been a bit more unsure of himself, but no shells made it into the mixture. tries for the last egg, concentrating, and it's as good as the last one. task failed… successfully? he scoops up the shells and throws them all into the trash, turning to grusha with a grimace of a smile. "alright, then. now what?"
and there is it again — good. silver honest to phoenix could not believe how one word could affect him so intensely, especially when it hardly ever made him blink in the past. be it praise from the professors or his seniors, it hardly mattered to him in the end. praise from blue was nice, but the feeling tapered quickly. praise from steven was hard-fought and hard to come by, and nice as well, but it too would often fade after the moment it’d been spoken. he’d always find a way to let approval float to the wayside, no matter what was said or if the manner in which was impactful – he’d just find another way to hone in on strength and objectives. in a way, silver found himself falling into that similar pattern, wanting to keep up the (small) success and steamroll onto the next task. and the next. complete the mission, no matter the hardship. …but this was cooking. this was cooking in a kitchen, and grusha had praised him good for something so mundane and fuck there’s that warmth he feels on the nape of his neck again. yeah. when they said it, it was worlds different from everyone else. silver… wanted to keep hearing it. ( he puts that away for now. onwards. ) [ ... ... ] he’s aware enough to keep fingers closer inside / away from the blade, although movements are clunky and unsure at best. meticulously lines up the spinach on a vertical line, cutting stems away in two big sweeps of the knife. ( follow the curve of the blade and apply pressure? seems to be the way to go… ) easy enough. swipes the excess away to the edges, and pauses in mental mapping of how best to go about horizontal / vertical chops. decides to scoop them all in a relatively close pile, takes fingers to the blunt edge on top, and uses them as leverage to chop right and left; picks the knife up and repeats on a vertical angle. maybe a little small, and some of the leaves are a little mushy… but, they’re thoroughly chopped squares still. before silver can even help himself, he’s looking at grusha with a glint to his eyes – how’d i do?
grusha smiles, and chuckles, and silver felt like he’d been robbed of the air right from out of his lungs. perfect… he didn’t need to look back at the spinach to know he’d been far off from perfect, but even still. that word hits silver in tandem with the rush of emotion ( adoration, affection, really ) from before, and the flush that overtakes nose / cheeks / ears practically burns. how the fuck was he supposed to finish breakfast at this pace? every time they uttered even just a single word somewhere alongside ( incorrect, these had been direct ) a compliment or praise, silver felt like he could’ve walked outside that door and jogged an entire lap around the house in that very moment. it was astounding, really -- somewhat like whiplash, in the way how he seemed to bask in it. “i may be an artist, but maybe not that kind of artist… still, thank you.” he wants to say something more, wants to do something more, but he’s rooted to the spot and grusha’s turning to continue the mission ( cooking breakfast ). so he closes his mouth and decides for later. [ ... ... ] the very same eyes that have been soft and warm-hearted this entire morning, instantly revert back to their intense / analytical nature. he assesses grusha’s posture and condition with tense and bunched-up muscles, ready to move at the slightest sign of something a little more serious. but, grusha seems to walk themselves through with a breathing exercise not unlike silver’s own, and their commentary alone is enough for him to stay put. there’s two miniscule, unnoticeably slow bounces of silver's head, recognition from his own experiences and trust all in one. when grusha turns, though, handing him the bowl like everything was fine, silver was inclined to believe it. peered a little deeper into his face, his eyes, and wasn’t met with anything that immediately concerned him or pinged any radar. so he smiles, a tiny thing in the face of his previous flush. “nothing beats a good back crack. you alright, though?” he knows the answer judging by how they’re moving about and retrieving the bread (in between the teeth? i'd do the same), but it’s a question he tosses over their way regardless. better for verbal confirmation than a visual assessment – if grusha were anyone like silver (and they very much are), the possibility of them masking / covering up a greater issue is likely.
silver considers his partner’s words, following their gaze as it travels pointedly to the mentioned cheese. he’d had parmesan before, and can rightfully attest to the fact of saltiness; and while he does briefly consider retrieving the pepper, something tells him the way how grusha enunciated sprinkled that tells him they have two completely different palates on pepper alone. he raises an eyebrow at you’re the chef, a somewhat incredulous look playing alongside a smirk on one end of his mouth. he decides to forgo the pepper on that alone. like trust the process, but translating it to cooking – there were sciences and flavors at play that he’d only just begun delving into, an entire artistry. grusha had years of experience on silver, and he’d know better than anyone than to question offered guidance / suggestions. blue has tried teaching silver how to cook once before, and it’s ended up in disaster all the same; the hilarity of that alone had been enough for silver to decide cooking was simply not it for him. this time had, admittedly, been going so more smoothly than he’d ever anticipated.
he almost, almost missed the good thinking, too lost in his own mind with the queue of steps laid out in front of him before traitorous / angelic words distract him once again. silver meets their wondrous gaze with a smile, soft yet wide enough to crease his eyes. maybe it conveys all the thoughts and emotions he’s been chewing on since this entire situation had started, maybe it doesn’t – but there’s warmth in his face enough that he thinks grusha would understand. silver takes the bowl without missing a beat after instruction, grateful for the normal grip strength he possessed still in his left hand today – taking spatula mid-handle and scooping the mixture into the pan. the sizzle that follows instantly is quite satisfactory, he thinks, a symphony of sorts. feeling like it dances over multiple senses, earthy browns like an embrace’s squeeze around his shoulders. silver pauses as he relishes such a new, cozy feeling. and he scoops the sides of the bowl before setting it down, tossing a glance over his shoulder to grusha, observing them load the cheese with interest. he does move the spatula alongside the edges to keep from sticking, and ultimately it brings eyesight back to the pan in front of him in order to keep slight movements gentle in the folds (and not like with his strength before). [ ... ... ] lifts the spatula and sets it down beside the stove, taking the few steps forward to meet grusha and take the loaded grater. there’s a moment where he locks sight with him again, and his heart skips a beat. pure, unabashed adoration keeps him rooted in place – silver couldn’t drop that hold for a few moments. so before he’s walking back to check on the pan, he’s bending down to kiss their cheek with a breath of air akin to a soft laugh.
though this entire sequence had been entirely new, and slightly uncomfortable on account of the god awful feeling from before, it’s been going really well. the instruction from his partner paired with his diligence in following along proved success when he’d noticed the cheese properly cooking into the eggs. when the heat’s turned off, and the end result sat looking rather delicious in the pan. silver can’t help but marvel at it all somewhat. bright pastel yellows with bits of greens, paired with the savory smell brought about whole new pairings of emotions. things he hasn’t felt in years since he’d stayed with blue, or things he hadn’t felt in twenty five years as a whole. this felt… and it’s then that grusha brings his attention up to the mention of plates, gaze flitting from them, their arm, and the cabinet they gestured to. silver makes quick work of retrieving them, a surer step about him than when they had started this entire endeavor. he follows them, eyes catching such fluidity about their movements with a keenness. he’d seen people move and wheel around in a wheelchair before, but… he was fascinated. it was still an entirely new way of movement, and silver wanted to mentally study every single bit of muscle movement / hand placement / technique / action that went into it. perhaps as a greater understanding. perhaps out of his old childlike interest in the unknown / new. perhaps because he’d been completely and utterly entranced by all of grusha. task. task… [ ... ... ] grusha places both sets of toast onto the plates, moving to retrieve the butter – and silver can’t help but find curious gaze once again caught up in the movement. like he’d been committing it all to memory. “all things considered, that… wasn’t bad. and i’m talking ‘bad’ being the face of burnt rice, or a poor mixture of children’s cereal. it all smells delicious.”
savory dishes have a habit of being more filling, huh… that was an interesting thing to note. silver thought about that for a second, trying to recall the last full meal he’s eaten besides their dinner last night, though the feeling eludes him. something to keep in mind for the future, perhaps a little experiment he could set up himself to prove grusha’s point. they were definitely knowledgeable on nutrition, and silver does suppose it comes from being an athlete. being so involved with it would certainly cause all facets of life to shift towards the major goal or hobby or job. he distantly wonders if this was something that grusha had also stuffed away deep into his psyche, or if this might one of the few strings his still holds onto from the life he used to lead. wonders if… him teaching silver how to cook, maybe brought back some happier times. a taste of something sweet in the middle of a mess. wonders if it’s really just as simple as the duties of the ward of the mountain. he knows for a fact that this one meal held a lot more weight to him alone than just a simple breakfast might normally serve to someone else. it was something they both did together, something they both worked towards to finish and it worked out. they worked good together. silver’s never ‘worked good’ with someone else. [ ... ... ] they’re grabbing his hand, kissing his knuckles, practically showering him with praise and silver halts again. platinum never left multicolored, but three heartbeats pass of shock in his stare before there’s a fogginess to his vision. distanced somewhere in his mind and yet so very present, rooted to this moment and the way how he soared – and then silver’s barely holding back the laughter that follows. not barely, he’s simply unsuccessful. bends down / leans into grusha’s space a little at the ridiculousness of one stupid joke in the middle of that, and it wasn’t even meant to be a joke. “eggs – eggs of your labor?” and despite himself, despite the softer laughs now shaking shoulders, his free hand cups the side of grusha’s face and tenderness / fondness wells in like it’d meant to exist in his face from the get-go. “you are funny, i hope you know that.” gives a gentle sweep over their cheek, smile settling into something softer. “thank you. really. you, uh… you were very patient with me. i’m sorry i lost that egg.”
silver ponders grusha's 'repayment proposition' for a second, though, pursing his lips in an over-showing of inward deliberation. “hmm.. “ and though it's an acted joke, surprise actually does hit him somewhat – evident in the flutter of eyelids and a somewhat puzzled look creeping into his eyes. like he'd been caught off guard. “i – wasn’t the only one who made this, though. atleast not without your help.” but there’s a pointed pause to that, a moment where they hold sight and silver… relents with a nod. and a small smile returns with bashfulness. grusha meant what he said. [ ... ... ] though, silver’s once again caught off guard by their insistence, eyebrows raising as a prelude to the half-smile that follows. he gives a single nod, another conscious reminder to breathe, before he’s taking the pepper shaker and dusting it over the eggs ( little first, adjust as needed ). there’s a pause, just as fork lifts before something seems to solidify in his mind. maybe it was the accumulation of this entire morning, the eggs of his labor and the attention on him -- the expectancy for what it'd taste and feel like. he takes the bite. and silver’s reaction is almost instantaneous, eyes beholden to the textures of the table before they close behind eyelids and his head’s bobbing in an almost unconscious nod for seconds of time. “...alright. yeah. nothing beats home-cooked meals.” home-cooked. there's something about the way how that sounded. "i almost loathe to admit how much i feel like i've been missing out over the last few years." a finger rises to curl slightly over his mouth, a slight way of covering a much too unabashed smile in that moment. "my sister used to cook for me, back when i used to sometimes crash at her place... this reminds me of those days. but in a way... well, maybe not better, because they're two separate feelings -- but this is good. this is different and, uh, really good."
like now, when he snorts and levels them with the best half-serious look silver could muster, “oh, she has. that’s where the burnt rice is from.” and he laughs at his own ‘joke,’ the sheer irony of the scene and the places he and blue hailed from as context resulting in immediate peak comedy. “needless to say, i wasn’t keen on trying again after that.” he points to upstairs, and somewhere up there where he (assumes he) left his phone. “she’s the one on my lock screen if you’ve ever seen her — probably haven’t though, i don’t think i’ve just… flashed my phone at you before.” fondness warms his face almost as brightly as grusha, but it’s a different sort this time. “her name’s blue. she was someone i found after all the bullshit, and then… i just clung to her. she extended a hand out to me when i ran away, saw me in a world where no one else did — for better or for worse.” though the topic may be shadowed by his looming demon of history, none of it touches the love he feels for her at all simple conversation. the warmheartedness from recalling a beloved person while in the presence of his person… he chuckles. “she kickstarted me into learning how to read, ‘cause i didn’t know how to back then. and, by extension, her aunt introduced me into art.” he mirrors grusha in picking up a piece of toast, cutting a part of egg off with the side of his fork before scooping it / placing it on the bread. ponders for a moment. “blue… saved my life. and by no measure of exaggeration.”
wait, he knows blue? silver stops mid-chew, one eyebrow quirked up with another knitted in a quizzical look. it’s when he resumes as grusha continues on with their story that his face softens back into a smile, barely staving off another round of snorts. trainer finishes his bite, the swallow allowing amusement to finally blossom and take up hold on silver’s face. “that sounds like her.” and all he could see at the forefront of his mind was her bright smile, and the shit she’d give him for all the dumb things he found himself doing. he missed her. seeing blue more often after graduating has always been something silver’s looked forward to. that was a thought for later. “she’s saved the day multiple times with the things she’d pull from that bag. in a way, when i was a kid, i think i really started to equate her to a mother-like sort of figure – the magic she pulled with that thing only helped prove my point.” huffs out a breath of air in a chuckle, ”and it only did more when she handed me two items one day, told me to let sneasel and murkrow hold them, and then they’re evolving later on that same night.”
the surprise / revelation that is a story to watch as it fully lights grusha’s face is nothing short of adorable, and it’s then that he connects their expressions before and what whirlwind they might be feeling internally as well. there was a gravity there that silver didn’t notice at first, too caught up in the tenderness to recall and talk about blue – someone that had come into grusha’s life when they needed it the most, too. maybe she helped them in a way that she helped him? and with that is silver turning his phone around to look at the face of someone so dear / precious / loved, a thread that connected him and grusha even more. “the one and only. she means everything to me.” he smiles, almost back at blue on the screen, making a mental note to give her a call when he let his pokemon out and about later. it’s been a while since he has, and silver was all too aware ( and guilty ) that he really had to make more of a habit on checking up on her.. ( he’d have to thank her for dragging grusha to that festival, too, by the sound of it. ) [ ... ... ] it threatens to bubble over and instead, silver shakes his head and dives back in for some more eggs and toast. takes a few seconds to chew, swallow, breathe (really, heave a sigh), and grusha’s processing all the while. perhaps he’d also been stewing in disbelief, or at the very least processing a dozen links coming together – perhaps just ruminating over the sheer irony of it all. small world. small world, indeed. with a hand over his mouth as he chews, silver pauses at spirited away, disbelieving stare leveling with grusha’s. has to take a few seconds of contemplation before he’s swallowing and tilting his head somewhat at him. “how do you mean?”
#saved game.#this is the quiet place where everything that’s warm and real inside of me still lives. ( grusha nomura ♡ )#long post#like. ridiculously long LOL#ah here comes silver praise kink kasai#jesus christ i love them I LOVE THEM#fun fact: i rolled for the eggs + spinach cutting because that was too good a concept to pass up#i set the egg dc to 10 and he rolled 13 + 12 for two of them and a whopping 1 for the another LMFAOO#critical failure ends up in sensory hell#silver talking about blue also gets me so good man. god#yeah 100k words is no joke i need to split this thread between multiple posts or else. it would just get monstrous#and these are snippets ..#gruusha#evoblue#blue is talked about here so . boops you both
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going insane on NMS for my hideous beast
#listen i LOVEEEEEEEE him#truly. he is my bloarbo#no mans sky#roping my friend into egg transferring him to my new save so my beloved hideous man will be with me always
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Listen, if your Lavellan would be happy in the Fade with Solas forever - cool, no problem. But mine would be BORED AS FUCK. I cannot imagine her being stuck in the regret prison with that man with no one else to talk to and nothing to do and not able to talk with Dorian and not able to ride about on her elk and not being able to hunt and not being able to see her Clan and not able to feel the wind in her hair or the rain on her face and-
#*rambles on and on about how much Lavellan has to give up for the egg*#what are they going to do in there??!#can they eat?#you know i could get it if it was like the crossroads in DAI - there's a whole bunch of stuff to do there! It's pretty too!#“i spy with my little-”#“IT'S A FUCKING SPIRIT - JUST LIKE THE LAST FIVE HUNDRED TIMES”#“But what kind of spirit?” :D#not that she can do any of this anyway since the south is gone#my lavellan ringing up dorian and him breaking into the fade to save her from a life of boredom#in the lavellan playthrough i did I had the 'happy' ending at first...then reloaded and kicked his ass into the fade#she wouldn't have left the world like that :[#disappointed me so much that i made the decision that she gets with professor Kenric like two years after trespasser#that's right solas - she got with buckle boy -> the same man that forgot ur name in hakkon lmao
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What do you think of Robert
Now if we ignore the previous ask and the fact it summoned him to appear in my dream this night,
He occupies pretty much the same place in my brain as Thomas because DUO DO NOT SEPARATE even if my brain only properly blorbos Thomas in that way Robert is a Different Feat I Suppose
He's a genuinely really intriguing character, we know so much about him and yet so little and I did speak about this on my Thomas post... We're given many tidbits on his life and his past primarily from Thomas himself, but we never know what he's actively doing in his life since he's always busy and off screen and I mean we do only see him in-game once and the rest are comic or ARG Thingamajigs appearances
And I've said how much I relate to Thomas personality wise, but like... Experience wise I actually strangely relate to Robert at least a little bit. I don't have the best relationship with (at least one) of my parents either, and I have a sibling who's kinda set up expectations for me that I'll never be able to meet - basically making me feel like the family failure even though I'm not treated that way (Except for the entire world being against me I guess I'm not going into all that)
And anytime those parts of his story are mentioned my heart drops a little not only because it's just... Ah man I kinda relate but also WHAT DID THEY SAY AND DO TO THIS GUY. Though I mean knowing what we know it's clear to make the a conclusion here since we know that they intended for Thomas to be the next head of THEIR company, but that's not for him and Robert was sort of left under the bus and wanted to leave all that and his parents behind and started COGS with his brother instead. (Like, more so neglect and ignorance than outright treating Robert worse, I suppose...? Buut-) This guy changed his whole fucking last name to not associate with his family though, so I feel like it goes way deeper than them just ignoring him and setting up only his brother for success instead and man my curious little brain aches to know BUT ALSO I DON'T NEED TO I would Explode I Think because Thomas/Robert lore as a whole just makes me fucking explode
Like, he's a bit tragic, but not too tragic. It's not like bait to make you feel bad for him, it's just about realistic and makes you able to form your own opinion on him... Considering his personality and how he acts and the things he does (I mean his company invaded the Toons and I don't think his idea of "We'll stay in our lane and they'll stay in theirs" is the same as the Toon's.) But it's like... Something that could happen and makes a pretty cruel villain character more understandable and like-able and gives him depth but I mean everyone be doing that nowadays with their villains. Soemtimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, the world needs more undoubtedly evil and cruel villains (most recent excellent example is Jack Horner in Puss in Boots and the Last Wish)... But that doesn't always work and there's diversity in villains
And y'know what? I like the fact him and other Cogs are this way. Does not excuse the things he did, yeah, but being able to have villains like this you can enjoy is great... Anyways, ramble about villain characters and him as basically the main antagonist and villain of TTCC over - (Tbh I wouldn't even call him a typical villain anyway, but he is still an antagonist)
I like how you can tell there's more to him than just an anger issue filled, overly confident asshole (though he is still that very much so, undeniably!)... He still can care for people, and he is a very caring father to Bobby. And what's a trope I like? Villain/Antag dad who's very nice to their kids? Glances over at Cathal and Allan? Yes I am aware I have problems
And the dialogue where he watered Bubby for Thomas I. I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe mostly on the Thomas side, honestly. But aurgh. This guy is being such an asshole in there and yet he still does something for his brother, even if annoyed. Like... Despite everything these two have each others backs. Even Thomas deeply cares about Robert, still, with how concerned he is about Crystalline and him noticing how she is manipulating and using Robert. ROBERT PLEASE JUST DIVORCE FOR GOOD. WHAT IS SHE EVEN SAYING OR DOING TO HIM I HAVE TO KNOW. THIS "LARGE AND IN CHARGE" AS HE LIKES TO SAY GUY. BIG BAD BOSS. TYPE OF GUY YOU DON'T MESS WITH AND ... This is happening in the background? How even is he behind the scenes, really? Same with Thomas too like WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO OUTSIDE OF WORK I MUST KNOW. does robert even like put up any acts ever or does the position he has allow him be himself more?? or feel finally respected?? is that the case? i mean clearly he does want some kinda power as well but like... sir you highkey made a company to spite your parents and separate from them and show who's better
anyways AURGHH This April Toons was just AURGHH yes THANK YOU!! THOMAS KNITTING CLUB!! MORE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN CHARACTERS! BUT ALSO IM CLAWING AND BITING! WHO IS CRYSTALLINE AND WHAT IS SHE DOING !! I HOPE SHE AT LEAST TREATS BOBBY NICELY WADDAE HELL !EXPLODES ! lets agree that
like PLEASE. CLASHCREW I NEED to know more about these two. im gonna explode.we are already given so much shit about them like arg apparances comic appearances some mentions from other characters and like with thomas like tons and tons of dialogue and being stuck with him in a room for like 20 minutes and him telling you ALL of this BUT. I NEED MORE THIS ISNT ENOUGH. CLAWS THE WALL CLAWS THE WALL IM SO NORMAL IM SO NORMAL IM SO
LIKE I!! cant even sound smart about this anymore these beasts just scratch my brain . okay . i enjoyesth them . anormal mamount
#[answered]#long#i.am bevery normala botut this old man he wont fckgiging leabe me alone plea.se help .#hoNESTLY Theres other slightly offtopic details and things i could talk about thomas robert and by extention bobby as well but RAHHHHHHHHH#MY BRAIN SCRAMPLED EGG#THIS TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE#I WROTE THE FIRST PART IN THE MORNING. SAVED AS DRAFT#CAME BACK NOW TO KEEP WRITING#LIKE#RAA#SO I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT A BIT IM JUST RAMBLING HERE#rambles#am i also slightly projecting onto this guy#both thomas and robert tbh but robert specifically in this post#.... JUST MAYBE
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tag drop me hearties.
#devilry. ⟊⚔⟊ || : and really bad eggs.#answered. ⟊⚔⟊ || : ye come seekin’ adventure and salty old pirates,eh?#meme. ⟊⚔⟊ || : prepare to make sail!#meme response. ⟊⚔⟊ || : it be too late to alter course,mateys.#ooc. ⟊⚔⟊ || : no need to expose your superstructure!#musings. ⟊⚔⟊ || : one cannot be moderately dead,or moderately loved,or moderately free.#elizabeth swann. ⟊⚔⟊ || : let me wrap my teeth around the world.#jack sparrow. ⟊⚔⟊ || : a little tune he whistles and a little song he sings,mounting,still triumphant on his torn and broken wings.#cutler beckett. ⟊⚔⟊ || : killing innocent pirates with a gusto.#aesthetic. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we betray the ones we love for those we love a little more.#william turner. ⟊⚔⟊ || : only cruel immortality consumes: I wither slowly in thine arms,here at the quiet limit of the world.#hector barbossa. ⟊⚔⟊ || : and they all dead did lie: and a thousand thousand slimy things lived on,and so did I.#davy jones. ⟊⚔⟊ || : Charon,the proud and sombre beggar stood,with one strong vengeful hand on either oar.#james norrington. ⟊⚔⟊ || : but man,proud man,drest in a little brief authority,most ignorant of what he’s most assur’d.#mr. cotton. ⟊⚔⟊ || : rule 42 of the Code: no one shall speak to the Man at the Helm,and the Man at the Helm shall speak to no one.#v: pre cotbp. ⟊⚔⟊ || : in memory of golden summer hours,and whispers of a summer sea.#v: cotbp. ⟊⚔⟊ || : I am sick of prettiness,I am sick of privacy. I ride rough waters and shall sink with no one to save me.#v: dmc. ⟊⚔⟊ || : man's apparel she put on,and she follow'd her true lover,for to find him she is gone.#v: awe. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we set out with a map and a flag,with a gun and a rag,with ambitions and dreams.#v: post awe. ⟊⚔⟊ || : when our truth is burned from history,by those who figure justice in fond memory,witness me.#norribeth. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we were two ships in the night,hellbent on trying to survive,and capsized.#willabeth. ⟊⚔⟊ || : all the fear and the fire of the end of the world happens each time a boy falls in love with a girl.#sparrabeth. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we were not made to let ourselves grow rotten on the vine,I know heaven can’t be better than your body next to mine.
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Someone the other day asked for our bubble tea "vegan option" and I was just like "? ...it's made with a soy-based creamer by default?" But he was like "No, the honey. I don't want honey." And I was just like. "......Ok."
Dude came in again today and he stank soooooo bad I literally nearly gagged. Bro apparently runs like a mile or some shit to get bubble tea as part of his exercise routine. & it's just like. OK Bro
#speculation nation#the honey thing threw me off bc im so divorced from anything vegan that i just did Not register it#like bro just say you dont want honey 😭 it's not that hard 😭#dont gotta push ur damn vegan thoughts on me. im gonna slurp that honey as much as i fuckin want#and while im at it eat many eggs and drink cows milk and eat cheese and MEAT oh god forbid#i mean like vegetarian i think is more reasonable bc by an empathy standpoint it can fuck with ppl to eat meat#and also for religious purposes and such. & dietary restrictions for dairy and whatever is perfectly understandable#but if ur refraining from all animal products bc of like. Morality re: animal cruelty like. bro. Bro.#unless you grow all your food yourself much of your 'vegan' options are much more awful with how theyre sourced#except cruelty to humans doesnt matter as much as cruelty to animals to you. like. Ok bro.#sure whatever save the bees. quick question what do you do if there are gnats in your house?#do you gently usher them away? pick them up with a cute little paper towel to get them out? it doesnt work like that.#even if honey industry killed bees (which it doesnt) do you still think that's more important than preventing child labor?#i agree we shouldnt kill bugs willy-nilly but Man. sometimes you just gotta kill some bugs. the fuck?#bugs ment/
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Ohhhh the horrific realisation that my psychosis started about when M showed up. I was sitting here reflecting on when my StPD started properly developing and uh. It coincided with him as Henry around me. That's nice
#Which is to say I already knew they made it worse and the twins are rightly spirits of madness in the. yeah. anyway.#I just started nosediving.................. when M showed up.#~abyssal murmurs#Does it give me hope for getting more stable now? Yes. Is it horrifically... upsetting in the way I can't do anything. Perhaps.#God no wonder Ive a complex about myself seeing myself as the child I cannot save and cannot even hug or reach out to or help#that is dead and not moving on and cannot. be. helped. Because like#Future me looking back at past me like. no one is there to help you and no one will ever be there#Don't get me wrong! Plenty of friends I've had come and go would've done what they could. What I mean is like. I was sitting there#saying somethings wrong and I need help and please help me and this is hurting and somethings happening and so on#An authorities have just spent my whole life going it's not that bad and we all have issues and yeah that's normal and OK do#something about it then and stop being selfish and idk how to help so don't ask and OK well I don't get it so I'll leave you to it#etc. Man. I'm not as upset as this probably sounds because let's be real. Fifty millionth time this topic has been on my mind -#revelations about shit I mean that have a ''and no one not even me can do anything about it'' conclusion#But. At the same time... I need... A moment to process... past children and past experiences with them.... Before I chew open#the lining to the part of me spawning eggs that need a place to go in the astral#I always feel if I sign up to anything at all I won't be able to back out so I need to make sure - and this is partly why. Oldest children#stalking for lives and lives and lives and lives. Time loses it's meaning the more you trace our evolutions and movements across existence#Time was a different consistency and state when they were born and it's gone through so many different types#I wasn't able to choose to leave the room. Hmm. But it doesn't have to be this serious does it
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