#Egg man...... Save me egg man...
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IM ABT TO go insane I need to blurt it out here bc I dont use Twitter anymore but I adore and cherish sO MUCH DRAGON AGE Im about to vomit all the feelings out of my guts, it keeps me awake at night I dont remember the last time I slept properly.... but it feels good. I feel like I'm a teenager again bc it's been ages since I last loved a silly piece of media so much
#SORRY...#Embarrassing moment#It scratches my head so bad I try to not bother my friends bc of it but it's hard#I NEED TO EXPRESS ALL MY LOVE FOR THIS#dragon age#got my first kiss w Solas I almost woke up my mother bc of how loud my gasp was#Egg man...... Save me egg man...
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Jaiden: Cucurucho, you have a lot of power, right?
Cucurucho: ...I don't know. Maybe.
Roier: Ah... Yes, you know, don't act like a dumbass, you have it. You have it, man. Eh?
Jaiden: Is there a way for us to protect all the Eggs? Do you know? I don't want anything to happen to the Eggs that happened to Bobby.
Cucurucho: Ha ha ha
Roier: WHAT? [Smacks Cucurucho]
Jaiden: [Bops him] Headpats.
Cucurucho: Maybe.
Jaiden: [Continues to bop him] Headpats. C'mon, I can get it out of you! Headpats! Chin scratches! Belly rubs!
Roier: [Joins Jaiden in bopping Cucurucho, chuckling and laughs]
Jaiden: Yeah? He's comin' around!
[Jaiden and Roier both laugh]
#Jaiden Animations#Roier#Cucurucho#QSMP#Jaiden#Animations Family#There is. So much I could say about these three#and so much I could say about their relationship / interactions with Cucurucho and Osito Bimbo#Cards on the table... I really would have loved it if Cucurucho / Osito genuinely cared about Jaiden#I mean I know they DID care about her to some extent that much is clear#But they / the Federation were also ABSOLUTELY using her. I'm not arguing that they weren't#But how could anyone not be charmed by Jaiden? The boba the tea parties the head pats–#The empathy and kindness and everything that made q!Jaiden who she was–#Cucurucho and Osito were tools of the Federation but I do want to believe they cared about Jaiden. Albeit in their own fricked up way#I dunno. I know this sounds like massive copium probably but I watched all of her and Roier's streams interacting with them#and I personally think that conflict and duality makes for a more interesting story#But that's just me and my own personal biases. I dunno how to properly put it into words but I am cradling them all close to my heart#I loved Cucurucho / Osito and I thought they were interesting and I'm SO SAD we'll never know what Jaiden did for them in the past#Anyways. For anyone who's read this far into my rant– you know how Cucurucho saved the Eggs and Jaiden said she died in Purgatory?#I like imagining that she survived the bomb and wound up finding the Eggs in the aftermath#and she helped them survive until Cucurucho found them#I imagine that Jaiden was the reason they were able to escape from the Island / The Watcher / ElQuackity#She stayed behind to slow down their pursuers. And Cucurucho rescuing all the Eggs fulfilled his agreement with Jaiden—#A promise to protect the Eggs#Like I said a lot of this is copium but that's what I like imagining#TLDR: Cucurucho / Osito did care about her in a weird way but that doesn't mean they weren't manipulating her#May 31 2023#Idk man I got a lot of emotions about q!Jaiden#Roier too but I feel like I've done way more analysis posts about him and Cucurucho. Jaiden needs time in the spotlight#Anyways there's my monthly tag rant
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reading “a knight of the seven kingdoms” for the first time in preparation for the upcoming show and everything was good til they removed baelor’s helmet… why did george kill him like that?
i’m so distraught what the actual fuck
if i had a penny for every time i fell in love with a gallant, hunky, hot prince who has martell blood in him and died tragically from a fatal head injury, i would have two pennies… it isn't a lot, but it's still crazy it happened twice
#save me beautiful gallant princes with martell blood save me#oberyn martell#baelor breakspear#baelor targaryen#grrm you sick sick old man#a knight of the seven kingdoms#dunk and egg#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire#valyrianscrolls
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Medical log, stardate 18935.15. Once more have I seen the tailor go out in his lizard fashion—
#least funny way to make this joke BUT. look how much thought I put into that stardate!#Star Trek: Deep Space 9#it would be so much easier to listen to the new audiodrama podcast of drac daily instead of reading but unfortunately#our dear solicitor will forever sound exactly like our dear doctor to me now because somehow it has become Hot Reptile Summer in my brain#and everything is melting together like changeling soup. and this is BEFORE the gomens s2 premiere. christ.#Dracula: How dare you touch him!! This man belongs to me!! I too can love!!!#me reading All That: omg just like in all my favorite ''Garak saves Julian from other Cardassians'' fanfics :3#god I love how as far as I know there's literally nothing in canon to support any of our weird kinky#''claiming a mate by leaving a bite mark scar on their neck'' or any of that other fanon stuff for Cardassians#it's not like with the Klingon dicks or Vulcan pon farr. anybody could make up absolutely anything about Cardassians#and every single writer I've ever read has chosen shit like mating bites scent marking egg laying#and of course. glowing blue WAP with a built in strap. I fucking love you Deep Space 9 fandom there will never be another like you!!!!!!#Starky's Original Posts#Dracula Daily#COMPUTER. ERASE LOG.
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god tywin lannister deserved worse
just remembering elias death and i wanna puke and the way tywin talks about elia and what happened is so damn gross
but rip tommen and myrcella we all know what’s about to happen in the next book :/
the cycle of violence just keeps spinning and damn you tywin for beginning it
(i got a bit crazy in the tags 💀)
#rest in peace elia and rhaenys#i’m one of those crazy ppl who thinks jaqen h’ghar is aegon 💀#literally lost the teeny tiny amount of credibility i had#anyways i think doran’s in on it and i think rhaegar switched out asharas child for aegon paralleling the baby swap jon does#the pact made in braavos about viserys and dany marriages is a half truth half lie#and arianne being sent to faegon is simply doran testing his heir. if she messes up then whoever’s spying for doran will correct her#gerold dayne knows too much that’s why doran thinks he’s too dangerous#but this would make the dornish plot sooooo much more interesting and would show that no doran hasn’t been doing nothing#it would also automatically make the daynes more important#jaqen (aegon) was in kings landing to kill robert but got caught by varys. syrio was sent to find him. ned cleared out the black cells tho#saving aegon in the process. fun how we’re actually introduced to this character through lyanna starks mini me arya#aegon was able to kill robert with a boar tho so mission accomplished.#now he’s in old town trying to hatch his dragon egg. the stone beast taking flight in danys vision is aegon being symbolically depicted…#..as a spinx#i’m crazy delusional. but ppl who think faegon is actually aegon are even more delusional than me#plus the real aegon being alive fulfills the suns son part of quaithes warnings#i like this theory bc it makes the dorne plot more interesting and it explains whatever is going on with jaqen h’ghar cause he is sus#yes yes i know i’m delusional 💀 i just think it’d be a very interesting twist#kinda hoping no one sees this post at this point bc i know no one will take this theory well lol#i do think this theory can be supported by the text tho#and cerseis throw away line about ned stealing asharas baby would suddenly become peak foreshadowing#barristan comparign dany to ashara would also be peak foreshadowing bc ashara would take the place of gilly in this parallel and she was dis#dishonored by someone at harrenhall. likely aerys and then she turned to a stark probably brandon for comfort#tbh i think it was ashara who lied to brandon about what happened to lyanna. perhaps she was trying to mess with brandon’s wedding and#was trying to get back at rhaegar for humiliating elia at the tourney. i highly doubt it was baelish who lied to brandon cause brandon#has little reason to believe him and no reason to trust him. ashara tho? arthur daynes sister and elias lady in waiting? also his lover?#anyways varys the spider potentially stealing aegon away (if he did take a child it was the false aegon) is there to parallel the others#who ride ice spiders taking crasters sons. tbh i think it was aegon who decided he wanted to train as a faceless man so he could get revenge#on his own terms. and the sea lord of braavos at the time was in on it and helped aegon with his plans#the unveiling coming up is going to be a lot more important than arya just reclaiming her identity. yes im delusional lmao. rant over
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i don't even like video games so why have i been playing Red Dead 2 for the past eight hours gay
#i think me brain likes the Reward of successfully one hit killing things with a bow and arrow#i was born in the wrong generation (should've been a hunter gatherer)#i dont even care about the story!!! the tutorial / first chapter was tedious as fuck!#im only completing missions to unlock things so that i can Keep Fucking Around!!!#also my horse's name is wizard and if anything happens to her im killing everyone in this game#thankfully when the fuckin. asshole odriscolls Ambushed me i was riding a backup horse i'd just tamed#so THAT one died instead of my darling wizard. but still. cmon#she was a gorgeous buckskin... her name was gonna be Egg... i was on my way to the stable to name her...#BUT YEAH I DONT EVEN LIKE THIS GAME ALL THAT MUCH WHY CANT I STOP PLAYING#maybe my brain is like 'oh my god finally something New. something other than the same shit we've been doing'#killin turkeys and deer#i tracked an elk into a train tunnel AND HIT IT!!#but it didnt die!!! and ran out!!! and then i couldnt find it!!! cmon!!#this game is so infuriating Why Cant I Stop#absolutely unprompted#though i have been thoroughly entertaining myself with my own antics#'i want to be nice to people 🥺'#ten seconds later im killing a man i couldve easily saved purely bc there were no witnesses around <3#well! he would'a talked! i got a camp to protect and provide for!#oh ok yeah i also think my brain likes being able to be a rugged western man w a beard#riding horses and Providing in a slutty little outfit i picked out#most of the game is Such A Drag (as my darling shikamaru would say)#but there are some good bits. addicting bits. sigh#like the allure of open world. optional story. yeah <3#no rules <3
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also me playing ??? pass ??? with the bracken ???
#» TIME TO ROLL THE DICE ( OOC )#» A MAN ONCE TOLD ME TO PUT ON SOME CLOTHES. SO I WORE HIS SKIN. ( CLIPS )#I JUST WANTED TO SAVE EGG AND THAT EGG WOULDNT EXPLODE...#feat nobuu's clicking in the bg FJGHDSJFHGSD
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Aside from the noble platypus I also feel like rui would really enjoy these animals:
Mola mola/Sunfish
Anteater
Echidna
Kiwi
Kākāpō
Axolotl
Horseshoe crab
Gibbon
#i have reasoning for all of these beyond ‘they look funny’ trust#mola mola are just. so fucking weird man. they’re so odd. their back fin grows back on itself? they’re so rigid it reduces drag#but they ‘swim’ really slowly? they swim similar to how a bird flies. just sideways. largest bony fish. they bask to get enough warmth#to allow them to dive super deep to forage for food (cold blooded so they’d be fucked without doing that)#anteaters are interesting. did you know they’ve (the giant ones) killed jaguars and humans before#because they walk on the knuckles to keep the huge knives on their feet sharp and their threat response#is basically just ‘swipe blindly (poor vision) at whatever comes close until it stops coming back’#echidnas are fellow monotremes (only ones besides the platypus) and are just as strange#they also have electrosensors (~2000 compared to the platypus’s 40000) and a similarly low body temp#(second lowest of all mammals after. u guessed it. the platypus) and are actually decent swimmers despite looking Like That#kiwis are weird beasts.#massive eggs compared to their body size. rely more on scent than sight because their eyes are so tiny and under developed.#kākāpō are the heaviest parrot and also the only flightless parrot. they also kinda resemble owls face wise? and they’re green.#evolved with no natural predators and are currently being fucked over by invasive rats#axolotl is self explanatory#although to give a fun fact the wild type is naturally brown. the fun colored ones would be easy prey in the wild.#& they’re capable of going through metamorphosis (like how tadpoles -> frogs) if exposed to the necessary hormones#but they don’t produce it on their own#horseshoe crabs despite having crab in the name are more closely related to spiders/ticks/scorpions than crabs#& gibbons are included because 1 I’m biased towards my favorite animal 2 only species of lesser ape. live in family units.#tbf I think he’d like all apes and probably prefer orangutans/chimps but I’m saving you the extensive lecture on great apes#here at ssruis we strive to be educational.#biology cool. despite me dropping out of the program (treated as premed at my college and I could NOT do chem let alone orgchem/physics) but#i liked biolab/the units abt animals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#rui
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Okay so maybe dragon guard veil age spoilers, but I went and made sure all of my choices from the last three games were up to date in the online database, why is it that it only asked me who I kissed last game and whether or not the Inquisition became part of the church. You're not gonna ask me who the Pope is?? Whether or not Dorian or Fenris are in tevinter, the place where we are?? Whether or not, in the game where Varric is being presented as a major character, I killed Hawke???? I don't need them to remember if I gave the prisoner at the beginning of da1 some food, but come on- I know Isabela is supposed to be here somewhere. You managed to write around everything??
#dragon age#text posts#it asked me if i wanted to just stop Solas or if i wanted to stop him to ~save him from himself~ too#but unless some very specific stuff happens that's a nothing question#do you want to scramble the egg man or poach him
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going insane on NMS for my hideous beast
#listen i LOVEEEEEEEE him#truly. he is my bloarbo#no mans sky#roping my friend into egg transferring him to my new save so my beloved hideous man will be with me always
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What do you think of Robert
Now if we ignore the previous ask and the fact it summoned him to appear in my dream this night,
He occupies pretty much the same place in my brain as Thomas because DUO DO NOT SEPARATE even if my brain only properly blorbos Thomas in that way Robert is a Different Feat I Suppose
He's a genuinely really intriguing character, we know so much about him and yet so little and I did speak about this on my Thomas post... We're given many tidbits on his life and his past primarily from Thomas himself, but we never know what he's actively doing in his life since he's always busy and off screen and I mean we do only see him in-game once and the rest are comic or ARG Thingamajigs appearances
And I've said how much I relate to Thomas personality wise, but like... Experience wise I actually strangely relate to Robert at least a little bit. I don't have the best relationship with (at least one) of my parents either, and I have a sibling who's kinda set up expectations for me that I'll never be able to meet - basically making me feel like the family failure even though I'm not treated that way (Except for the entire world being against me I guess I'm not going into all that)
And anytime those parts of his story are mentioned my heart drops a little not only because it's just... Ah man I kinda relate but also WHAT DID THEY SAY AND DO TO THIS GUY. Though I mean knowing what we know it's clear to make the a conclusion here since we know that they intended for Thomas to be the next head of THEIR company, but that's not for him and Robert was sort of left under the bus and wanted to leave all that and his parents behind and started COGS with his brother instead. (Like, more so neglect and ignorance than outright treating Robert worse, I suppose...? Buut-) This guy changed his whole fucking last name to not associate with his family though, so I feel like it goes way deeper than them just ignoring him and setting up only his brother for success instead and man my curious little brain aches to know BUT ALSO I DON'T NEED TO I would Explode I Think because Thomas/Robert lore as a whole just makes me fucking explode
Like, he's a bit tragic, but not too tragic. It's not like bait to make you feel bad for him, it's just about realistic and makes you able to form your own opinion on him... Considering his personality and how he acts and the things he does (I mean his company invaded the Toons and I don't think his idea of "We'll stay in our lane and they'll stay in theirs" is the same as the Toon's.) But it's like... Something that could happen and makes a pretty cruel villain character more understandable and like-able and gives him depth but I mean everyone be doing that nowadays with their villains. Soemtimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, the world needs more undoubtedly evil and cruel villains (most recent excellent example is Jack Horner in Puss in Boots and the Last Wish)... But that doesn't always work and there's diversity in villains
And y'know what? I like the fact him and other Cogs are this way. Does not excuse the things he did, yeah, but being able to have villains like this you can enjoy is great... Anyways, ramble about villain characters and him as basically the main antagonist and villain of TTCC over - (Tbh I wouldn't even call him a typical villain anyway, but he is still an antagonist)
I like how you can tell there's more to him than just an anger issue filled, overly confident asshole (though he is still that very much so, undeniably!)... He still can care for people, and he is a very caring father to Bobby. And what's a trope I like? Villain/Antag dad who's very nice to their kids? Glances over at Cathal and Allan? Yes I am aware I have problems
And the dialogue where he watered Bubby for Thomas I. I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe mostly on the Thomas side, honestly. But aurgh. This guy is being such an asshole in there and yet he still does something for his brother, even if annoyed. Like... Despite everything these two have each others backs. Even Thomas deeply cares about Robert, still, with how concerned he is about Crystalline and him noticing how she is manipulating and using Robert. ROBERT PLEASE JUST DIVORCE FOR GOOD. WHAT IS SHE EVEN SAYING OR DOING TO HIM I HAVE TO KNOW. THIS "LARGE AND IN CHARGE" AS HE LIKES TO SAY GUY. BIG BAD BOSS. TYPE OF GUY YOU DON'T MESS WITH AND ... This is happening in the background? How even is he behind the scenes, really? Same with Thomas too like WHAT DO YOU GUYS DO OUTSIDE OF WORK I MUST KNOW. does robert even like put up any acts ever or does the position he has allow him be himself more?? or feel finally respected?? is that the case? i mean clearly he does want some kinda power as well but like... sir you highkey made a company to spite your parents and separate from them and show who's better
anyways AURGHH This April Toons was just AURGHH yes THANK YOU!! THOMAS KNITTING CLUB!! MORE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN CHARACTERS! BUT ALSO IM CLAWING AND BITING! WHO IS CRYSTALLINE AND WHAT IS SHE DOING !! I HOPE SHE AT LEAST TREATS BOBBY NICELY WADDAE HELL !EXPLODES ! lets agree that
like PLEASE. CLASHCREW I NEED to know more about these two. im gonna explode.we are already given so much shit about them like arg apparances comic appearances some mentions from other characters and like with thomas like tons and tons of dialogue and being stuck with him in a room for like 20 minutes and him telling you ALL of this BUT. I NEED MORE THIS ISNT ENOUGH. CLAWS THE WALL CLAWS THE WALL IM SO NORMAL IM SO NORMAL IM SO
LIKE I!! cant even sound smart about this anymore these beasts just scratch my brain . okay . i enjoyesth them . anormal mamount
#[answered]#long#i.am bevery normala botut this old man he wont fckgiging leabe me alone plea.se help .#hoNESTLY Theres other slightly offtopic details and things i could talk about thomas robert and by extention bobby as well but RAHHHHHHHHH#MY BRAIN SCRAMPLED EGG#THIS TOOK A WHILE TO WRITE#I WROTE THE FIRST PART IN THE MORNING. SAVED AS DRAFT#CAME BACK NOW TO KEEP WRITING#LIKE#RAA#SO I LOST MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT A BIT IM JUST RAMBLING HERE#rambles#am i also slightly projecting onto this guy#both thomas and robert tbh but robert specifically in this post#.... JUST MAYBE
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tag drop me hearties.
#devilry. ⟊⚔⟊ || : and really bad eggs.#answered. ⟊⚔⟊ || : ye come seekin’ adventure and salty old pirates,eh?#meme. ⟊⚔⟊ || : prepare to make sail!#meme response. ⟊⚔⟊ || : it be too late to alter course,mateys.#ooc. ⟊⚔⟊ || : no need to expose your superstructure!#musings. ⟊⚔⟊ || : one cannot be moderately dead,or moderately loved,or moderately free.#elizabeth swann. ⟊⚔⟊ || : let me wrap my teeth around the world.#jack sparrow. ⟊⚔⟊ || : a little tune he whistles and a little song he sings,mounting,still triumphant on his torn and broken wings.#cutler beckett. ⟊⚔⟊ || : killing innocent pirates with a gusto.#aesthetic. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we betray the ones we love for those we love a little more.#william turner. ⟊⚔⟊ || : only cruel immortality consumes: I wither slowly in thine arms,here at the quiet limit of the world.#hector barbossa. ⟊⚔⟊ || : and they all dead did lie: and a thousand thousand slimy things lived on,and so did I.#davy jones. ⟊⚔⟊ || : Charon,the proud and sombre beggar stood,with one strong vengeful hand on either oar.#james norrington. ⟊⚔⟊ || : but man,proud man,drest in a little brief authority,most ignorant of what he’s most assur’d.#mr. cotton. ⟊⚔⟊ || : rule 42 of the Code: no one shall speak to the Man at the Helm,and the Man at the Helm shall speak to no one.#v: pre cotbp. ⟊⚔⟊ || : in memory of golden summer hours,and whispers of a summer sea.#v: cotbp. ⟊⚔⟊ || : I am sick of prettiness,I am sick of privacy. I ride rough waters and shall sink with no one to save me.#v: dmc. ⟊⚔⟊ || : man's apparel she put on,and she follow'd her true lover,for to find him she is gone.#v: awe. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we set out with a map and a flag,with a gun and a rag,with ambitions and dreams.#v: post awe. ⟊⚔⟊ || : when our truth is burned from history,by those who figure justice in fond memory,witness me.#norribeth. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we were two ships in the night,hellbent on trying to survive,and capsized.#willabeth. ⟊⚔⟊ || : all the fear and the fire of the end of the world happens each time a boy falls in love with a girl.#sparrabeth. ⟊⚔⟊ || : we were not made to let ourselves grow rotten on the vine,I know heaven can’t be better than your body next to mine.
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Someone the other day asked for our bubble tea "vegan option" and I was just like "? ...it's made with a soy-based creamer by default?" But he was like "No, the honey. I don't want honey." And I was just like. "......Ok."
Dude came in again today and he stank soooooo bad I literally nearly gagged. Bro apparently runs like a mile or some shit to get bubble tea as part of his exercise routine. & it's just like. OK Bro
#speculation nation#the honey thing threw me off bc im so divorced from anything vegan that i just did Not register it#like bro just say you dont want honey 😭 it's not that hard 😭#dont gotta push ur damn vegan thoughts on me. im gonna slurp that honey as much as i fuckin want#and while im at it eat many eggs and drink cows milk and eat cheese and MEAT oh god forbid#i mean like vegetarian i think is more reasonable bc by an empathy standpoint it can fuck with ppl to eat meat#and also for religious purposes and such. & dietary restrictions for dairy and whatever is perfectly understandable#but if ur refraining from all animal products bc of like. Morality re: animal cruelty like. bro. Bro.#unless you grow all your food yourself much of your 'vegan' options are much more awful with how theyre sourced#except cruelty to humans doesnt matter as much as cruelty to animals to you. like. Ok bro.#sure whatever save the bees. quick question what do you do if there are gnats in your house?#do you gently usher them away? pick them up with a cute little paper towel to get them out? it doesnt work like that.#even if honey industry killed bees (which it doesnt) do you still think that's more important than preventing child labor?#i agree we shouldnt kill bugs willy-nilly but Man. sometimes you just gotta kill some bugs. the fuck?#bugs ment/
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[whimperingw born to ship bisexuals forced to witness yaoi
#egg boils#SAVE MEEEEEEE FMFJWKHDKFFKWHDK FUCK!!!!!!!#please don’t show me yaoi please please plealsseeeee#being the only one on this ship already hurts it’s instant KO accidentally finding fan art of [REDACTEDW and redacted#🙏 let’s have some empathy#i can’t go outside of my bubble. the pain of shipping m/f is ppl thinking they’re STRAIGHT NO THEYRE NOT!!!!!!!!! and then having people#ship them as a straight couple like NO!!!! on the flip side it’s a yaoi ship that’s more popular guys i can’t keep getting invested in m/f#ships with insanely popular m/m counterparts. guys#emurui. jingfu. hoshimina.#<- explodes#thank fucking god apothecary dairies is canon#also saboala…… where ppl will find a random man to ship with sabo OMGGGG IM IN THE TRENCHES
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DONNIE OUR TRASHCAN JUST GAVE BIRTH !!!!! XD
Imagine if Donnie didn't find the egg and a while later a baby just pops out of the trash
She is determined to come into the world with a bang. to her skull.
#awww man this is priceless#love how you make comics#that made me giggle so hard#quarterdraws#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#teenage mutant ninja turtles#clarification comic#rise leo#jesus egg#save rise of the tmnt
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✎ baby to the rescue
- gojo satoru x reader
in which gojo recruits your baby son to “save” you from a credit card salesman
genre: immense fluff !! baby gojo and dad!gojo shenanigans~
note: based on this and this reel. with this i hereby declare that anything past chapter 235 is null and void HAHA anyway, i truly want to post remarried empress au by this week but since 261 leaks hurt me so much, i need more fluff so have to postpone it to next week :') tagging @karikari19hikariiii <3
a part of gojo's love entries
general masterlist
Your husband Gojo Satoru... is handsome as hell, which means your baby son is also undeniably good-looking.
"Why do you pout at me?" Satoru poked his squirming baby's cheek while pursing his lips too. "C'mon, smile! That auntie is smiling at you!"
Everyone who passed by them in Shinjuku shopping district turned heads to admire him and his pumpkin just a little longer, and Satoru visibly enjoyed the attention. He smiled back at them, occasionally winking even.
If only they knew how pretty his wife was too...
Wait, no! On second thought, if they know how hot you are, there will be problems!
You had left him to go to the nearest pharmacy to restock some things, while Satoru decided to entertain his baby in the toy section. He basked in the starry-eyed looks people were giving him... until he heard some strange sounds and turned to his baby boy—
—who was chewing the beak of a duck toy with all his might. Satoru was mortified.
"—! Let that go! Your mama will beat me if she sees you eating this!"
Your baby paid him no mind though, desperately pushing the duck into his mouth. Satoru sat him on one of the empty racks and began the tug of war—
"Let go!" he reprimanded. "You're so naughty, gods—!"
Some people were now openly giggling at both of them. His son tried to resist by rolling, and Satoru clicked his tongue. He then yanked the toy away until his baby finally let it go, sniffling sadly that his papa wouldn't let him have the duck.
"Oh, you..." he picked him up again and consoled the pumpkin. "You can't do that, you hear? First, it's not clean. Second, mama will grow two heads to chew you and me both, understand?"
No, your son totally didn't understand a thing. Satoru sighed, seeing his little blue eyes welling up with tears. He ruffled his head and pulled him close. "There, there... I'll get you ice cream, okay? Now let's go."
Satoru was determined to turn his son back into a smiling, happy baby. But just as he was about to head towards the ice cream parlor, he encountered the most unbelievable sight—
"Miss! I guarantee you'll love this credit card features!"
You. That was clearly you, and a salesman (or a bozo, in Satoru's eyes) was trying to bother you.
You raised an eyebrow. "Uh, no— thank you—"
Yet the bozo was still persistent, like the pesky fly he was. "You can use it to pay for your monthly beauty treatments! Someone as pretty as you..." He eyed you from head to toe, blinking suggestively. "Oh my! Your skin is flawless! You have to maintain it this way! I can also give you recommendations for—"
You were wearing a flare dress that made you look so young and petite, and obviously, Satoru too was lusting after you. And true, your skin was smooth like a soft serve of mochi, but still!
You are meant for him and his eyes only! Oho, this bozo would get heavenly punishment.
He had to get to you somehow, but this was public space and if he cooked up some sort of shenanigan, you would put him in sex ban. I can't have that! so Satoru wracked his brain to think of another way...
Once again, his gaze fell on his now calm baby, who was also looking at his mama over there with utter curiosity. And an idea immediately popped up in his mind.
"Hey, kiddo, look at that, a bad man is trying to take your mama," Satoru nudged him as if trying to egg him on. "We can't let that happen. Will you help me to save her, hmm?"
"Mama..." your baby looked back at him so innocently before smiling. "Mamaaa!"
"Good boy." Gods, his baby was so adorable, he almost felt bad for doing this but...
Swallowing his guilt, thinking he would make it up later, he pinched his son's butt a little too firmly—
"WAAAA!" and suddenly, the little boy burst into tears, and even Satoru was surprised by the sheer volume of his wail.
The sudden inconsolable sound of your baby sent you scrambling in panic, your eyes wildly searching for him, completely disregarding the credit card man. "My baby!"
"Eh?" the credit card man was visibly surprised. "Oh... so, you're married...?"
You immediately made your way towards Satoru and snatched your baby from him, hugging him tightly. "Oh, there, there... What happened to you?" you shot your husband a distaste look as your son kept wailing. "Satoru, why is he crying?"
He nonchalantly shrugged. "Maybe missing his mama? Dunno~"
By now, you had completely forgotten the credit card bozo, but he still looked at the three of you in mild surprise. Satoru took this chance to approach him and whisper in his ear:
"You see, my wife doesn't need your credit card," he whistled. "My cards or lumpsum money will do more than enough."
After seeing how pale the bozo looked, Satoru chuckled darkly... before leading you and your son away from the crowd, with one arm possessively around your waist.
Epilogue
"I'm sorry— I'm sorry, okay!?"
Satoru looked down at his son in utter hopelessness, as the little boy refused to be held by him, looking at him with teary, resentful eyes, and backing away from him in his playpen.
Can babies hold a grudge? Satoru didn't know, but his son definitely was not happy with him, and he couldn't think of any other explanation other than his sin against him back this afternoon.
"I've bought you mochi ice cream!" he opened his palm to reveal the treat. "Don't you want some? Papa will give you some, yeah?"
Baby looked skeptical now, and at that moment, he resembled you so much—accusing eyes, pursed lips, exactly like the expression you would pull when you were unsure of what Satoru might do next. He almost chuckled at the resemblance, feeling giddy.
"C'mon, forgive me, yeah?" he patted his son's little beanie and offered his hand for him to take, eyes crinkling in fondness. "Now, here comes your treat, come closer?"
Your baby crawled closer, seemingly accepting him, and Satoru was all smiles, until—
Whack!
It happened in a flash. He could have avoided it, but he was too taken aback. The pain exploded in his jaw, so intense that he grunted loudly.
"What the—?! You... you—! You kicked me— in the face!"
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