#Eddie needs so much therapy it's insane

[118diazs]

ugh. eddie and the way he internalizes things so much to the point it just becomes part of him but only he knows and no one else can see it

[archivequinn]

MADNESS (Eddie Munson x American Horror Story: Asylum)

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five

Summary: Three years after his disappearance, Eddie Munson is arrested for the murders of Chrissy Cunningham, Fred Benson, Patrick McKinney and others, but the truth is very different. Unable to convince anyone that Vecna exists and that he is innocent, he is locked up in an asylum. But the only way out is to prove to his psychiatrist that he is not insane. If he fails to convince the psychiatrist, he will be executed as a murderer. He must hurry to do so, because Vecna has returned to finish the bloody unfinished business and take revenge.

As Eddie fights for his life, how far can his psyhiatrist go to save him when she finds out he is innocent? Perhaps the only reason his psychiatrist wants to save him is not because of Eddie's innocence, but because they have developed feelings for each other over time. In the midst of all this confusion, a series of secret experiments on patients in the mental hospital and a series of dark secrets make everything more difficult.

Warnings: Blood and Injury, Mentions of execution, Execution, Death, Mental Health Issues, Asylum, Mental Hospital, Horror, Psychological Horror, Survival Horror, Thriller, Claustrophobia, Prison, Doctor/Patient, Serial Killers, Hospitals, Pain, Depression, Violence, Blood and Violence, Suicidal Thoughts, death of a family member, Nudity, Smut, Sex, Slow Burn, Experiments, Explicit Sexual Content, TraumaPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Disorders, Smoking.

Before you read:)

This fan fiction is inspired by American Horror Story: Asylum. It contains a lot of horror and thriller content. Since the story takes place in a mental hospital, there may be various triggers. Please check the tags first as there is a lot of violence, sexuality and depression contents. This story is for adults, so close the page if you are a minor.

Please let me know if there are any tags I forgot to add. read on ao3

Dr. Oliver Owsen was deeply interested in what Arthur had been doing. In short, he was searching for someone named Ginny. After checking all the hospitals, he had come here as a last resort. One of the reasons that brought him here was that Dr. Arthur had also worked at the last hospital where Ginny was seen—at least, that’s what Violet had learned. 

Who was Ginny? How did Oliver know her? Why was he looking for her? Frankly, Violet didn’t care much. The only thing she cared about was that she was tired of all the dirty dealings in this hospital always going unpunished. Someone needed to expose everything happening in this place.

Apparently, Violet no longer had the authority or power to do that. But she could help someone who did—namely, Dr. Oliver Owsen.

After finishing her therapy session with Oliver, she glanced over at Eddie, who was whispering but speaking heatedly with someone in the corner. Because of his fluffy curly hair and tall stature, she couldn’t see who he was talking to.

She went over to John and Max and gestured toward them with her head. “What’s going on over there?”

John rolled his eyes and sighed. “Our only ticket out of here just flew out the window. The guys who were supposed to get us out have now come inside. ”

Violet frowned. “Steve is here?” John sighed again in frustration and threw himself onto the couch. “Steve and his buddy. Now we have two more people we need to keep safe.”

Violet wondered what they were talking about. Eddie’s anxious appearance was fueling the growing fear inside her. When the door to the common room opened, everyone turned their heads in that direction. Prosecutor Robert Hills had finally graced them with his presence.

As Violet tried to predict his next moves, she noticed Eddie clenching his fists and shooting hateful glares at Robert. The tension escalated as Robert approached; Eddie looked like a tiger waiting to pounce.

Robert, however, walked calmly as if nothing had happened, as if he hadn’t turned their lives into hell. Without looking at anyone, he went directly to Max, extended his hand, and introduced himself.

“Hello, Max, I’m Robert Hills, the prosecutor in the Eddie Munson case,�� he said with a fake smile. “We’ve actually met before, but at that time, you had just come out of a coma. I understand you want to update your statement. The necessary procedures have been completed for your release. Come to my office, and we’ll update your statement. Afterward, you’ll be able to leave this place by the afternoon.”

When Max looked nervously at Violet, she nodded in approval. At least someone would get out of here.

After Max left, Eddie, Steve, and a blond young man approached Violet. When the young man extended his hand, Violet shook it and learned that his name was Jonathan.

“We need to make a plan with you. But not here. Where’s the safest place?” Eddie asked, quickly darting his eyes around at everyone. Steve and Jonathan shrugged and looked at each other. “They haven’t given us a room yet,” Steve replied. Violet raised her hand and said, “Max is staying in my room. She could return from Robert’s office at any moment.” Eddie put his hands on his hips and turned to John. John, somehow, had produced a chocolate bar and was eating it. With his mouth full, he looked at each of them in turn and said indifferently, “What?”

John’s single room looked like a five-star hotel suite to Violet. While the double rooms gave off the impression of a mousetrap, this one felt relatively spacious. Jonathan had brought a chair from the common room and was sitting with his feet propped against the headboard of the bed. Steve sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. John had sprawled across the bed so much that Eddie and Violet were forced to squeeze into one corner of it.

Eddie smiled and patted his knee twice—a wordless way of saying, “Come on.” Violet smiled back, got up, and sat on Eddie’s leg. Wrapping her hands around his neck, she rested her head against his soft hair. Eddie’s scent and warmth created a brief wave of calm within her.

John pulled a lighter out of his pocket and flicked it on. “So, you want me to burn a little girl now, is that it?” he said, examining the lighter closely.

Jonathan replied, “Not burn her, just bring the flame close. If she gets scared, we can figure out if Vecna has taken her or if he’s still inside her.” John rolled his eyes and said mockingly, “ Of course she’d get scared, genius. Everyone’s afraid of fire.” Then, suddenly, he thrust the lighter toward Jonathan. Jonathan toppled off his chair, and Eddie’s giggling filled the room. Violet, sitting in Eddie’s lap, couldn’t help but chuckle as she felt the vibration of his laughter.

Steve said, “It’s not logical to burn her, but we could touch her with something heated by the lighter,” his face thoughtful.

Eddie raised his eyebrows. “You do realize we’re talking about a person, right?” he asked.

John added dramatically, “Also, I don’t want to go down in history as an arsonist. I don’t want to be the first person people think of when they hear the word ‘fire.’ ”

Violet bit her lip, smiling. “I think you’re a bit late for that.”

Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Eddie said, “Something keeps poking me. Dude, your bed is so uncomfortable.” He looked annoyed. John smirked slyly, and Eddie gave him a suspicious look. “What are you up to?” he asked.

When Eddie lifted the cushion on the bed, the pile of junk food, cigarettes, and cassette tapes underneath. Eddie turned to Violet with a mocking expression. “And we thought the real spy was Robert. Turns out the real sneaky one was right next to us all along,” he said.

Folding her arms across her chest, Violet asked, “How did you even get all this stuff in here?”

John put on an innocent expression, pursing his lips and raising his hands. “If you had a brother working here, you’d also have someone bringing you whatever you wanted,” he said.

Suddenly, Steve stood up excitedly. “This brother of yours… Can he smuggle anything in?” he asked.

Eddie placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder, smirking. “I don’t think he can smuggle in what you’re thinking about, dude,” he said with a sarcastic grin.

Steve stared at Eddie for a few seconds, then raised his hands. “No, you idiot. I’m not talking about what you think,” he said.

As Eddie burst into laughter, Violet realized his joy came from being surrounded by his friends. Even in the midst of all this chaos, Eddie’s happiness was contagious. He was like a bond that brought his friends together. Somehow, even in these tough times, being with them gave Eddie a small sense of peace.

John asked, “Hey Steve, what do you need? What’s on your mind?”

Steve said, “If your brother can smuggle in a heater or something similar, Violet could say she’s cold in her cell and turn it on. That way, we wouldn’t have to burn Max, and we could still learn if she’s sensitive to heat.”

John threw himself onto the bed with a disappointed look on his face. “Brendon can only smuggle things as big as what he can fit in his pocket,” he said.

Eddie added, “And even if he did smuggle in a heater like you said, we don’t have sockets in our rooms.”

Jonathan turned his chair backward and leaned his head against the backrest. “Besides, Max is leaving in a few hours. So this plan wouldn’t work,” he said.

“Maybe you could’ve just asked,” said a sudden voice.

Everyone turned to see Max standing at the door. She rolled her eyes, walked toward them, and took the lighter from John’s hand. She lit the flame and brought her hand close to it, almost touching it. She didn’t react at all and then shrugged as she looked at them.

“I mean, there are five of you, but if I added all your brains together, it wouldn’t equal Nancy’s.”

As Violet looked on curiously, wondering who Nancy was, the others all nodded in unison. The three of them moved so in sync, it was like watching the three wise monkeys.

Max clenched her fist and held it out toward Eddie. Eddie mirrored her gesture and bumped fists with her.

Max continued, “I changed my statement about you, Eddie. The prosecutor said you might be able to get out of here in a day or two. Oh, and he’s waiting for you in his office now. As for me, I’m leaving. This madness is too much, even for me and even they call me MAD MAX.”

She finished her sentence with a laugh, but as she smiled, her eyes filled with tears. She hugged Eddie tightly.

“I’ll be waiting for you, Eddie. You’re the big brother I never had but always wanted. I’m sorry for everything that happened. I love you.”

It was clear that Eddie was struggling to swallow the lump in his throat. He hugged Max back in return.

Violet silently made a wish: I hope it happens as she said. I hope Eddie gets out of here.

Eddie opened the door to the prosecutor’s office and stepped inside. He hadn’t bothered to knock, not even out of courtesy. He went straight to the chair and sat down. Prosecutor Robert was organizing files with the male nurse standing beside him. This nurse was the same jerk who had taken Eddie to his cell on his first day at the mental hospital.

Robert picked up a piece of paper, held it up in the air, and shook it noticeably. “Do you know what this is, Edward? ” he asked. “Eddie,” Eddie replied calmly. He hated being called Edward.

Robert continued, “This is your ticket out of here, Edward. It’s the petition Max wrote, saying you’re innocent. I could send it right now, this very minute, and you’d be a free man tomorrow.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, already guessing where this was headed. “But?” he asked tersely.

Robert stood up and began speaking as he gazed out the window. “But your girlfriend and your friend will stay here. I don’t think you’ll ever see them again.”

He then picked up a blank sheet of paper and placed a pen from his pocket onto the desk. “If you write here that you take full responsibility for everything and claim that Max wrote the petition out of fear, then maybe I’ll give a statement saying you’re insane. That way, you, your girlfriend, and your friend can live happily here forever.”

Eddie crossed his arms and spoke with determination, “No. I’m getting out of here. Then I’ll take Violet and John with me. And there’s no way you’re going to make me do this.”

Robert leaned forward, placing both hands on the desk as he fixed his serious gaze on Eddie. “Perhaps I wasn’t clear enough. Edward, if you don’t write what I’ve told you, you’ll be the only one responsible for what happens next,” he said in a threatening tone.

Eddie gritted his teeth. “What are you going to do? Rat us out again, you Snitch Snitchson?” he shot back.

Robert responded with a filthy grin. “How about we give your girlfriend a nice volt of electricity right in front of your eyes, Edward? Will you still keep up this defiance then?”

When Eddie walked out of Robert's office, his hands were trembling. The prosecutor had given him two days to think, but there was nothing Eddie needed to think about. He would never allow Violet to be electrocuted.

But he didn’t trust Robert either. If he wrote the statement taking responsibility for the crimes, he was told he’d be deemed insane and allowed to stay there. But what if it was a lie? What if Robert took that statement and used it as evidence?

In that case, Eddie would be doomed, and Violet would never get out of here. He felt like a rat cornered in a trap.

He walked into the common room and looked for Steve and Jonathan. However, none of his friends were there. His eyes landed on Brendon, who was trying to get an old woman to drink soup.

Eddie approached him and asked, “Where’s John? Violet? Or the other two idiots?”

Brendon paused for a moment, his gaze drifting to the wall. “John’s in his cell. I don’t know where the two idiots are. I think they went to beg Manager Wilson to let them share the same cell. As for Violet, I last saw her with Doctor Oliver,” he said.

Eddie’s already frayed nerves worsened. He didn’t like Oliver at all; there was something off about that man, he thought. Deciding that John was the easiest person to locate, he headed toward the cells. Just as he reached the hall, he saw John walking toward him, grinning.

“Dude, you won’t believe what happened,” John was saying.

The only thought running through Eddie’s mind was: Wait until you hear mine, John.

John’s gaze turned to Eddie with concern. “What’s wrong?” he asked. Eddie was about to start talking when he saw Steve and Jonathan approaching from a distance. He gathered all three of them and led them to the cafeteria. Since no food was served at this hour, the place was quiet. Once everyone sat around the table, Eddie explained the blackmail Robert had used against him.

Steve suddenly stood up and started pacing around the table. His tension was evident in every movement. “Dude, you can’t write that statement. It’s obviously a trap. He’s going to take that paper from you and have you executed. The guy’s too smart,” he said. John, however, responded with a hesitant expression, “But if you don’t write it, they’ll torture Violet.” Jonathan, trying to lighten the weight of the situation, said, “Do you think Vecna’s inside this Robert guy?”

Eddie frowned as he spoke. “Could be. The guy has this grudge against me that I can’t figure out. Anyone would think I killed all his loved ones.” Steve sat back down and took a deep breath. “So, what are we going to do?” he asked. Jonathan followed with a question that hung in the air. “Do we have to escape again?”

Eddie shook his head as he answered. “We can’t escape. Oliver told Violet that all the patients in Ward C have been moved. I’m sure they’ve locked the doors too. We’re stuck here.” Steve, searching for a glimmer of hope, said, “Max got out. They’ll help us once they realize we haven’t left.” But Eddie still had doubts. “What if it’s too late?”

At that moment, everyone at the table seemed to focus their attention on the door. When Eddie looked, he saw Violet and Oliver walking toward them. Rolling his eyes, he muttered in a jealous tone, “One day, I’m going to land a good punch on that Oliver.”

When Violet reached them, she sat next to Eddie and took his hand. Oliver, on the other hand, started shaking everyone’s hands one by one. When he reached Eddie, Eddie only touched his hand lightly and responded with a fake smile.

Violet spoke with a serious expression on her face. “Oliver has something to tell you.” Eddie turned his head as if uninterested, but curiosity was growing inside him.

Oliver began to speak. “I know about the experiments and filth that Arthur has done. And I know he values those experiments too much to destroy them all at once. Those patients are somewhere in this hospital right now. I know that. And I’m sure, after your escape plan, he’s no longer keeping those files in the manager’s office. He must be keeping them in his own operating room. I’ve tried to get in there, but unfortunately, I’ve failed. No one can enter there except the assistant he keeps by his side.”

Eddie’s voice broke the silence in the room. “I’ve been inside,” he said.

Everyone turned to look at him. John had his head down, staring at his shoes, as if he already knew the answer. “When they gave me the electric shocks... I was in his operating room,” Eddie added. John raised his head slightly and spoke. “There’s only one way to get in there, and I can tell you it’s going to hurt.” Oliver slammed the table in frustration. “Great. Just great. So how are we supposed to get in?” Eddie fixed his gaze on Oliver. “Why do you even want to help us? What’s in it for you?” This question made Violet squeeze Eddie’s hand, but Eddie’s mind was elsewhere. He could understand John—he had followed Arthur this far and ended up stuck here. Violet was in trouble because she wanted to help Eddie. And Eddie himself had become a target after uncovering Arthur’s experiments. But what was Oliver’s motivation?

Oliver pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, his eyes turning to Violet. “He’s not the first doctor to fall in love with his patient,” he said. Eddie was confused. Was he in love with Violet? He opened his mouth to say something, but Oliver, realizing the misunderstanding, raised his hand to stop him. “No, not Violet. Ginny. I fell in love with her. She was transferred to another hospital at the time. I planned to follow her to wherever she went. But I couldn’t find her anywhere I went. It was like she had disappeared. There was no record of her anywhere. At the last hospital she was seen in, there were reports of other missing cases. Guess who the doctor there was?”

John, clenching his teeth, answered, “Arthur.” That single word revealed the weight of John’s guilt.

Jonathan, processing Oliver’s words, asked, “So, one of the patients in Ward C that he’s experimenting on could be Ginny?” Oliver shrugged as if to say he didn’t know, but his expression showed he thought it was possible.

Steve voiced his thoughts aloud. “Since we can’t just go up to the guy and say, ��Hey, experiment on us too,’ or, ‘Go ahead and fry us like potatoes...’” John paused for a moment and looked into Eddie’s eyes. Then he turned to Violet.

Eddie shook his head in refusal. Jonathan and Steve understood the situation, but Oliver and Violet were looking at them with curiosity.

Violet, unable to bear it any longer, asked, “What’s going on here?” Steve turned to Eddie, about to say something. “Robert made Eddie an offer…” he began, but Eddie kicked him under the table. Steve groaned in pain. Violet suddenly stood up, crossing her arms, and spoke in a stern voice. “ I said, what is going on here?”

Eddie realized he had no choice but to tell the truth. With a sigh, he stood up, placed his hands on Violet's head, gently pulled her closer, and looked into her eyes. "Robert said he’d declare me insane in court if I wrote a letter confessing to all the crimes. And if I don’t... he said he’d torture you," he said.

Violet frowned as she looked at Eddie. "You didn’t agree to write the letter, did you?" she asked.

Eddie’s voice trembled, and he struggled to find the words. "How could I not? Violet... If they touch you, I’d die. I can’t let that happen," he said.

Violet stepped back, her expression revealing her anger. "If you write that letter, Eddie, you silly, the first thing Robert will do is drag you out of here and take you to court. You have a chance to escape, Eddie. Nobody else here does, but you do. You will never write that letter," she snapped.

She stepped forward, placing her hands on Eddie's face. Eddie put his hands on hers in return. Tears were streaming down Violet’s cheeks. Eddie’s eyes were also filling with tears. "You will never write that letter, Eddie. Promise me," Violet said, her voice trembling.

Eddie found it hard to respond to her insistence. "Violet..." was all he could say. "Promise me!" Violet shouted, tears streaming down faster.

Eddie pulled Violet close and rested her head against his chest. He held her tightly as sobs echoed through the room, placing his head to stop hers. For a moment, silence enveloped them both.

Oliver broke the moment. "Actually..." he said, as though a new idea had just occurred to him.

Everyone turned to look at him. His expression suggested he had figured something out.

John intervened quietly, "This could be really dangerous."

Oliver continued to explain his plan. "Just five minutes is enough. Less than five minutes, even."

Eddie and the others tried to grasp what he was suggesting. John, however, seemed to have already figured it out. Still, the group turned their expectant gazes toward Oliver, waiting for clarification.

Oliver elaborated. "When they take Violet into that operating room, you’ll go into the operating room too, Eddie. Isn’t that right? They’ll make you watch as they torture her. The door will be open. There’ll be staff. There’ll be doctors, nurses. It’ll be a crowded room, and while everyone is focused on the girl being tortured, no one will notice someone rifling through cabinets and drawers."

Steve interjected, " Someone who works there..."

Jonathan picked up the thought, "Like Brendon. "

Eddie raised his hand in frustration and let out a hysterical laugh. "Do you realize what you’re planning?" he said, his voice full of anger.

Violet turned to Eddie and said resolutely, "Let’s do it."

Eddie shot Violet a sharp look, grabbed her by the shoulders, and shook her angrily. "Violet. I will never allow such a thing. Never," he said.

As Eddie’s anger made his breaths heavy, his thoughts echoed in his mind. He wouldn’t watch them torture her. Not for five minutes, not even for a second. The plan was to steal the files while everyone was distracted with Violet. But for Eddie, this was unacceptable. If he were the one lying on that table, he would do it willingly. He had done it before, and just remembering the pain made his whole body tremble. But for Violet, never.

"What if the files aren’t where you think they are?" Eddie asked, his voice a mix of anger and worry. "What if someone notices you before you even get there? And let’s say you get the files. Then what happens to Violet?"

Violet took Eddie’s trembling hand and brought it to her lips. Her gesture was meant to both calm him and provide comfort in this difficult situation.

John stood up and came over to Eddie. Trying to encourage him, he spoke softly, "Do you remember the song you sang to Violet, Eddie?"

Everyone was looking at Eddie with sad expressions. However, expecting him to agree to this plan didn’t seem very fair. The anger and helplessness within Eddie were written all over his face. John continued speaking.

“You've got to lose to know how to win,” he said. It was a quote from the song Dream On that Eddie had once told Violet.

“We won’t let anything happen to Violet. We all love her so much. But we have no other choice. If they send you to your death, then how do you plan to protect Violet when you’re dead? Don’t rely on me; I’m the arsonist. Remember? After you, I’ll be the first one they come for.”

Oliver spoke, trying to calm the situation. “We’ll be quick. We promise,” he said.

Violet looked into Eddie’s eyes with a deep expression. “Can we talk for a moment?” she asked. She took Eddie by the arm and pulled him a little further away from the others. Eddie was struggling to control his emotions. If he weren’t so ashamed, he would have collapsed to the floor in sobs. Violet’s determination, however, was hidden behind the tears in her eyes.

“I can endure five minutes,” Violet said. The determination in her voice made Eddie feel even more helpless.

“I know the dose they give. I know this torture they used to do in the past. As long as they don’t exceed a certain dose, I can endure it. When I confronted Wilson about it, he said they only give the ‘legally permitted’ dose. That makes it 100 volts. Five minutes won’t cause severe trauma to my body. I’ll just recover slower than you did. Maybe by then, we’ll be free.”

Eddie gritted his teeth as he looked at Violet. “No matter what I say, you won’t back down, will you?” he asked.

Violet slowly shook her head to indicate no. Her decision was final. Eddie realized that she would proceed with this dangerous plan with or without him. If it was going to happen, at least he had to be by her side.

Together, they returned to the others. The group, looking at them with curious eyes, was impatient to learn what their decision was. Eddie carefully raised his finger and pointed at each of them one by one.

“If anything happens to her, it’s on you. I will never forgive you,” he said. His face was serious and threatening. These words created a slight sense of relief within the group, but the fear was still evident in their eyes.

Oliver finalized the plan and distributed tasks. “Go and tell Robert that you’ve rejected his offer. John, you go and inform Brendon. When they take Violet, we’ll be ready. As soon as we get the files, you tell Robert you’ll write the statement he wants. When they take Violet to the infirmary, we’ll get you all out of here. But we can’t all fit in one car.”

Violet smiled. This smile lightened the tension in the room, even if just a little. “My car is still parked outside. I’m sure the keys are in the guesthouse. You get the keys, and we’ll find someone to drive,” she said.

Steve raised his hand and volunteered. “I’ll drive.”

When Eddie told Robert that he was rejecting his offer, the expression of shock on Robert's face said it all. He had been completely sure his plan would work, but seeing Eddie refuse the offer made it inevitable that he would become suspicious. In response, Eddie, thinking that Robert might already be suspecting something, bluffed, “You wouldn’t dare anyway.” But deep down, he knew Robert would.

In the dim light of the room, Eddie held Violet tightly. Today could be the day. They had to understand that sometimes you have to lose to win. His eyes had been brimming with tears since the morning, and now they were starting to burn. As the memories of what he had experienced in this room before came rushing back, he began to tremble.

When they started laying Violet down on that stretcher, he questioned how he had been convinced to go along with such a stupid plan.

He tried to stand up and go to Violet, but the guards immediately moved to grab him by the arms and forced him back into the chair. His attempts to intervene were futile. As they began smearing that gelatinous, sticky substance on Violet’s forehead, the helplessness inside him grew.

“Stop! I’ll write the statement! Wait! Don’t do this! Don’t touch her!” he shouted.

Violet looked at him and gave him a pained smile, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She slowly shook her head, signaling no. At that moment, Eddie froze. Was this all part of a plan?

The door opened, and Brendon entered the room. His icy blue eyes met Eddie’s, and he shook his head no. Eddie wondered why Brendon wasn’t rummaging through the cabinets and hurrying to find the files. His mind was in chaos… but deep down, he knew the truth.

Violet had planned everything, solely to prevent Eddie from writing that statement and taking the blame. There were no files to be found, and no one was coming to retrieve those stupid files.

Eddie was furious with himself for even thinking that the files might still be there. Those men had probably already fed them to the shredder.

Violet had warned the others to stop Eddie from surrendering himself and ending up in the electric chair. She had orchestrated this as a way to sacrifice herself to save him. And now, Eddie was forced to watch her suffer.

He struggled against the chair, but three men held him down tightly, making it impossible to move. The tears streaming down his face blurred his vision.

Robert walked around to stand behind Eddie, placed his hands on Eddie’s shoulders, and forced his head to stay fixed on Violet. Leaning down, he mockingly whispered in Eddie’s ear, “I hope your freedom is worth this, Munson.”

Eddie tried to turn his head, but no matter what he did, it was useless. His movements were completely ineffective. Arthur stuffed a cloth resembling a gag into Violet’s mouth.

“Try not to scream too much,” he said before putting on his gloves.

Eddie was overwhelmed with unbearable helplessness. His voice had gone hoarse from screaming, and now all he could do was plead in faint whispers. Arthur turned to the nurse beside him and calmly gave instructions.

“Let’s start with 150 volts.”

“Please stop!” Eddie screamed. Manager Wilson and several guards had also entered the room, making it so crowded that it was difficult to move. Three guards held Eddie down firmly, while Robert kept his head fixed on Violet. Two nurses were holding Violet down on the bed.

Violet’s hands and feet were tightly strapped to the bed. One of the nurses was waiting to check her pulse, while the other was ensuring Violet didn’t move too much during the electroshock. The nurse picked up the electroshock device next to the machine and handed it to Arthur.

Everyone in the room watched in fear, wondering if Arthur would really go through with it. As Arthur prepared the shock device, a nun entered the room and stood by Violet’s bedside. “May God forgive your sins,” she whispered to Violet.

Violet’s fear-filled eyes were testing Eddie’s limits. Eddie was crying so much he could no longer speak. With all the strength he had left, he begged Robert.

“I’ll write whatever you want. I’ll sign anything you ask. Kill me right now. Please, kill me. I’m begging you, kill me but don’t let them touch her!”

Eddie glanced at Brendon, hoping he might help somehow, but Brendon was just standing there, frozen in fear, waiting for what was about to happen. At this point, only God could help them.

Dr. Arthur positioned the shock device on Violet’s head. He glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, then took a deep breath.

Arthur turned to Eddie and yelled angrily, “Shut him up, or I’ll increase the voltage!”

Robert grabbed one of the cloths from the nearby table and shoved it harshly into Eddie’s mouth. Eddie’s screams echoed throughout the room. Even God seemed to have abandoned them.

When Arthur pressed the button on the control panel, one of the nurses holding Violet checked the pulse in her neck. The other glanced at her watch while gripping Violet’s arm tightly. The nun standing at the head of the bed tried to steady the part of the electroshock device touching Violet’s head. The electricity was so strong that the lights on the ceiling dimmed and flickered constantly. Eddie’s guttural, animal-like cries grew more muffled.

Arthur spoke without taking his eyes off the device. “Let’s make it 200 volts.”

Brendon stepped forward and shouted angrily, “Are you insane?! You’re going to kill her!”

Arthur ignored Brendon’s words as if they were nothing more than the buzzing of a fly. He continued turning the dial on the machine to increase the voltage. One of the nurses holding Violet shouted in a panicked voice, “Her pulse is racing! She can’t take it!”

Violet’s initial screams had turned into gasps and choking sounds, as though she were struggling to breathe. Her entire body convulsed uncontrollably. Tears streamed from her eyes, and her entire body trembled, down to every strand of hair. Meanwhile, Eddie was writhing in helpless desperation, the nails of those restraining him digging into his skin.

Suddenly, Robert exclaimed, “What the hell is that? For Christ’s sake…” Everyone turned their heads to follow Robert’s gaze. The nun had momentarily pulled the electroshock device away from Violet’s head.

Violet continued to convulse. The electricity coursing through her body caused her muscles and joints to seize involuntarily.

At first, Eddie thought everyone was staring at him. But when Robert slowly removed his hands from Eddie’s head and stepped back, Eddie lifted his head and followed Robert’s gaze. Looking at the door, Eddie realized that everyone in the room was staring in fear at the same spot.

It all happened in an instant. When Eddie looked in that direction, he nearly fell off his chair in terror. The nurse standing next to Brendon was slowly rising into the air. Her pupils had turned completely white, and she appeared to be in a trance. Eddie had seen this sight before. Three times, to be exact: with Chrissy, Jason’s friend Patrick, and Violet.

It was him. Vecna was here.

As everyone ran toward the nurse now floating near the ceiling, Arthur, Wilson, and Robert seemed frozen in shock, rooted to the spot. Eddie’s thoughts were clear: He wasn’t crazy. He wasn’t a killer. The proof was here, alive, for everyone to see. Now everyone would know that Eddie hadn’t made all this up and that everything he’d said was true.

When the nurse’s right arm suddenly snapped, everyone in the room started to scatter in panic. Female nurses and nuns were screaming at the top of their lungs. Eddie began crawling on the floor, trying to make his way toward Violet’s bed. He didn’t care about the kicks and stomps from the frantic people running past him. He couldn’t control his hands or feet out of sheer terror. His brain had shut down, and his movements were reduced to instinctive thrashing. Finally, he reached the stretcher where Violet lay.

Brendon suddenly appeared, running toward him. He grabbed Eddie by the arm and pulled him to his feet. Without saying a word, Brendon began dragging him toward the door. Eddie, bewildered, protested.

“Wait! What are you doing?! I have to get Violet!” he shouted.

Brendon angrily grabbed Eddie by the shoulder and shoved him toward the door. “Go save yourself! Go! I’ll take care of her!” he said firmly.

Eddie tried to re-enter the room, but just then, he saw the lightbulb inside explode. Screams echoed in the darkness. Someone else inside had been taken, now a victim of Vecna.

At the end of the corridor, Steve and Jonathan appeared. They ran toward Eddie and grabbed him by the arms, dragging him away. Eddie resisted with all his might, but when he tried to speak, he felt the pain in his throat. As he saw Brendon rushing back inside, everything became blurry. His vision darkened, and silence enveloped him.

When he opened his eyes again, he realized they were driving through rows of trees. His head was resting against the window, and they were in a car. As his vision cleared, his eyes focused on the sign by the roadside, "Welcome to Hawkins!"

Eddie suddenly straightened up, causing Jonathan, who had been dozing in the seat next to him, to wake up and look at him. “Hey... You’re awake. Are you okay?” Jonathan asked softly.

Eddie realized he was in the back seat. When he looked ahead, he saw Hopper in the driver’s seat and Steve next to him. Both were looking back at him with curious expressions. A frustrated smile spread across Eddie’s face.

“Am I okay?! What am I doing here, huh?! Take me back to the hospital right now!” he yelled angrily.

Jonathan explained in a calm voice, “Your innocence was proven, Eddie. The judge saw Max’s statement. Plus, Manager Wilson signed off this morning saying you’re not insane. Right now, the culprit, ‘Henry,’ is being hunted everywhere. If they can catch him. You’re free now.”

Eddie clenched his teeth and said in an icy voice, “Stop the car.” Hopper kept driving. Eddie shouted louder this time, “I said stop the car!” Hopper slammed the brakes, and the car came to an abrupt halt. Eddie opened the door and started walking away without looking back.

Steve ran after him, trying to catch up. “Eddie! How do you plan to get to Michigan from here?! On foot?!” he asked, concerned.

Eddie stopped for a moment, took a deep breath, and asked without turning around, “Is Violet dead, Steve?”

Steve stayed silent for a while. The expression on his face made it clear he was trying to avoid answering. Eventually, he turned around, looked at the others, and scratched the back of his neck.

Eddie shouted angrily, “Do you expect me to leave her and John there and come here to start my ‘new life’? If they’re still in there and I’m out, it’s my fault! How could you leave without them?!”

Hopper approached him calmly and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Our priority was getting you out, son,” he said in a serious tone.

Eddie took a step back, causing Hopper’s hand to fall from his shoulder. He raised his hands to his head, nearly pulling at his hair. “Take me back there. I need to get them out. I have to save them,” he said. He was trying to speak angrily, but his voice sounded like that of a desperate victim pleading for their life.

This time, Jonathan stepped forward and spoke to Eddie. “Eddie, it was Violet and John who made us promise to get you out of there safely and bring you here. No matter the cost, we swore. They want you to move on with your life.”

Eddie quickly approached Jonathan and shoved him. Jonathan looked surprised but didn’t retaliate. Eddie continued angrily, “Isn’t Nancy your girlfriend? If the same thing happened to her, would you leave her there and move on with your life?”

He stepped aside and then moved toward Steve, shoving him too. “What if it were Robin in there? Isn’t she the sister you never had? Would you leave her there and start a new life?” he said, his voice trembling.

Eddie’s eyes filled with tears as he added, “You might love me, but if I survived in there, it’s because of them. Do you understand what you’re asking of me now?”

Hopper took a deep breath, removed his hat, and held it tightly in his hands. He was trying to find the right words. “Son, even if you went back there right now, they wouldn’t let you see them. We need a plan. Right now, you’re the only witness who knows what’s happening there. We can’t let them take you back inside. We have to think logically,” he said firmly.

Eddie, trying to believe but still hopeless, asked, “How?”

Hopper shrugged and replied, “We’ll get a search warrant. You’ll tell the national media everything that happened there. We’ll shut that disgusting place down for good, and no one will ever go near it again. But we can’t do it this way. Even the worst plan is better than no plan. You can’t just go back there on a whim.”

When Hopper gestured toward the car with his head, Eddie turned back to Jonathan and looked him in the eyes. “Is Violet dead?” he asked.

Steve chose to speak this time. He bit his lip and answered with pain in his voice. “She’s not dead. But it can’t be said that she’s alive either. They practically fried her brain. Filthy bastards,” he said angrily. Eddie, trying to stay calm, walked toward the car. About half an hour later, they reached the town center. But just then, a large crowd began running toward the car. Eddie, trying to figure out what was happening, glanced at the others in the car. They were just as confused as Eddie. When Hopper stopped the car, Eddie slowly got out.

This crowd consisted of the people of Hawkins. Dustin was at the forefront. He ran to Eddie and hugged him, and then the other kids followed, wrapping themselves around him. Max, on the other hand, stood at a distance, looking at Eddie with an embarrassed expression. Her eyes were brimming with tears, and she stood silently.

Max spoke with a trembling voice. “They told you what I did to you… I’m so sorry…” Eddie felt the moment, surrounded by the kids. Struggling, he reached out his hand toward Max. When he made a slight nod, as if to say, “Come on,” Max hesitated no longer and ran to him, hugging him tightly as well. Eddie realized how much he had missed them. These kids were his family. Since his uncle’s death, they had never left him alone. Then, he turned to the crowd waiting ahead. After letting go of the kids, he walked into the midst of the crowd. The expression on everyone’s face was the same: guilt. A deathly silence prevailed. Eddie began looking at the banners they held and read each one out loud, in a clear voice. “We’re so sorry, Eddie.”“We’re so happy you’re back home.”“We knew you were innocent.”“We’re sorry.” As he read each banner, Eddie burst into more hysterical laughter. Eventually, his laughter ceased, and he placed his hands on his hips, giving the crowd a stern look.

“You can take your apologies and shove them up your ass,” he said, as parents hurriedly tried to cover their children’s ears. Eddie stepped closer to them and continued, his voice filled with anger. “Why are you covering their ears? You let them hear the disgusting stories you told about me, didn’t you?” he said, his voice trembling with rage and pain. Eddie looked into each person’s face. He stepped toward the crowd and raised his voice. “A week ago, the same people who wouldn’t hesitate to pull the trigger if they saw me on the street are now looking me in the face and apologizing, is that it?” he said. The fury in his words pierced through the silence like a knife. He took another step and his tone grew louder. “You’re the same people who didn’t believe me when I said I was innocent, the ones who collected signatures to send me to the electric chair without a trial. Do you realize that?” Hopper, leaning against his car with his hat in hand, watched the scene unfold. Those surrounding Eddie followed his every move, curious about what he would do next. Eddie walked toward the banners in people’s hands. He grabbed them one by one and threw them to the ground. Then he turned to Hopper and asked for his lighter. Hopper silently handed it over. Eddie bent down and lit one of the banners. The fire quickly spread to the others. Eddie stood in front of the burning banners and raised his voice even more. “Because of the music I listen to, the clothes I wear, the hair on my head, because I wasn’t one of you, you've targeted me. Because that’s what you are. You always judge a book by its cover. You called me a murderer, but while the real killer of those kids was out there, you wasted time chasing the wrong person, making you the true killers of lost time. You’re the reason my grieving uncle took his own life. These banners you wrote with your bloodstained hands have now ruined two more innocent lives. If only once… just once, you had chosen to believe me…” Eddie’s throat tightened; he couldn’t swallow. Steve and Robin quietly approached him, taking him by the arms. They tried to lead him away from the crowd. Eddie turned once more to look at the burning banners and the guilt-ridden faces staring back at him. The pain and anger inside him grew larger with each passing moment. This town owed him a youth. It owed him a graduation. It owed him a family.

They were finally sitting in Mike’s house, in the basement. They were waiting for a voice to come through the walkie-talkie placed in the middle of the table. Before leaving the hospital, Steve had left a walkie-talkie with Brendon. Somehow, when the lights went out and the doors were locked, John would be able to reach them through this walkie-talkie.

Eddie’s eyes kept glancing at the clock. He felt like time wasn’t moving. Back in Chassell, evening would fall quickly, and the doors would shut in no time. But here, in Hawkins, it was as if time had stopped. A voice came through the walkie-talkie, filling the room. “Is anyone there?” Eddie grabbed the walkie-talkie reflexively. “Oh my God... John, is that you?” he asked, his voice trembling with both hope and fear. John’s voice echoed through, cutting the static. “Thank God you’re okay, Ed!” Eddie’s voice was filled with desperation. “John. Please tell me. Is Violet okay?” The voice from the walkie-talkie went silent for a moment. The quiet made everyone in the room more impatient. Then John’s voice echoed again, slow and hesitant. “As okay as she can be.” Eddie’s voice wavered between hope and despair. “Can I talk to her? Please. Can Brendon take the walkie-talkie to her?” John remained silent for a moment, then spoke in a regretful tone. “I don’t think that’s possible, Eddie.” Eddie’s determination was evident in his voice. “We’ll come there tomorrow with a warrant. We’re going to get you out of there.” John took a deep breath, his voice full of sorrow. “Dr. Oliver submitted a petition to the board saying Violet had overcome a critical condition. They’re going to transfer her to another hospital.” Eddie quickly asked, his voice filled with concern, “Where?” John’s response was vague and helpless. “I don’t know, but you better hurry. Eddie, I hate to say this, but I don’t think there’s much left of Violet anymore.” Eddie’s face turned pale, and fear was evident in his eyes. “What do you mean?” he asked, his voice cracking. His hands wouldn’t stop trembling. John spoke quickly to end the conversation. “I have to go. Manager Wilson has increased security. He’s terrified because of the things he saw related to Vecna. We’ll talk later, Eddie.” As the voice from the walkie-talkie faded, Eddie threw it onto a chair. He paced the room, consumed by anger and helplessness. “Damn it. I have to go there. I have to get in.” Dustin spoke, his face filled with worry and disbelief. “Eddie, have you lost your mind? We literally risked our lives to get you out of there. You just got out. Now you want to go back in?” Without thinking, Eddie ran to Eleven. He grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “Can you reach Violet? Please.” Eleven shrugged, her expression uncertain. “Do you have a photo or something that belongs to her?” Eddie paused for a moment, then shouted in frustration. “Damn it. No.” At that moment, Lucas suddenly spoke with excitement. “No, wait! We do!” Everyone turned their curious eyes to Lucas. He was quickly rummaging through the magazines and newspapers on the table. “Here it is!” he said, holding up a newspaper clipping and handing it to Eddie. Eddie stared at the clipping in his hands, focusing on the photo. It was taken the day they escaped from the hospital, after a car accident. The photo showed the crashed car, along with John, Eddie, and Violet. He read the text beneath the image silently, each word catching in his throat like a lump. “Two patients who escaped from a mental hospital and the hostage doctor they took with them were involved in a car accident. One of the patients and the young doctor died at the scene.” This report had been the trap set to admit Violet into the hospital as a patient, ensuring her family wouldn’t come after her. With trembling hands, he handed the newspaper to Eleven. He also took off the bandana from his head and gave it to her so she could blindfold herself. Silence filled the room. Everyone was waiting for Eleven to try reaching Violet. A few minutes later, Eleven pulled the bandana from her eyes and looked at Eddie. She slowly shook her head no. Max walked over to Eddie and hugged him. She gently wiped away the tear that had fallen from his eye. “Don’t be sad,” she said softly. “When I fell into a coma, El couldn’t reach me at first either. But now I’m here.”

Hopper placed the paper on Wilson’s desk and then slammed his fist onto the table. His face was taut with anger. “We have a warrant to search for Violet George. If I want, I’ll tear this place apart,” he said, his voice filled with determination. Wilson, however, didn’t back down. In a composed manner, he replied, “You can’t search for Violet. Because there’s no such person .” These words pushed Eddie over the edge. He strode quickly toward Wilson, but Steve immediately stepped in front of him to stop him. Eddie’s anger was written all over his face. Hopper fixed a hard stare on Wilson. “Wilson, are you not afraid of what’s coming your way?” he asked. Nodding toward Eddie, he added, “You’re really testing my limits not to let Eddie destroy you.” Wilson didn’t flinch. He responded coldly, “You can’t search for Violet because there’s no such person here. Yes, a temporary doctor was assigned to handle her case while Eddie was here. And that doctor died in a car accident. Try keeping up with the news.” Eddie took a furious step forward and shouted his question. “If she died in the accident, where’s her body? Where’s her grave?” Wilson replied with a mocking tone, “That information is only available to family members. And you’re not one of them, Mr. Munson.” Eddie’s hands were clenched into fists, trembling with rage. Hopper, however, took a deep breath and signaled with a nod for them to leave. Eddie couldn’t believe how quickly Hopper was giving up. He looked at him in shock, but Hopper’s face betrayed no emotion. Once they were outside the hospital, Eddie could no longer contain his anger and started shouting. “You said you’d get her out! I trusted you!” His voice was thick with both frustration and helplessness. Hopper calmly placed a hand on Eddie’s shoulder and said in a reassuring tone, “We need to get back in there. I mean you.” Then, with a faint smile, he added, “We’re going to bury these bastards in a septic tank, son.” Eddie paused, taken aback by Hopper’s resolve. Slowly, a smile returned to his face, and he nodded in agreement.

After dropping Eddie off in front of the hospital’s guesthouse, Hopper quickly drove away. He had mentioned a soldier friend of his, someone he spoke highly of. It was a name Eddie had heard before but had never met. This person was one of Hopper’s connections from Russia. Hopper had said they could help and even alert U.S. National Security. But while Hopper was handling his affairs, Eddie was determined to get back inside. The sky was slowly darkening, providing the perfect backdrop for another covert mission. Eddie noticed a tall figure approaching from the distance. It was clearly a man. Speaking to himself in a low voice, he thought, “I hope it’s Robert. So I can give that bastard what he deserves.” It wasn’t who he was expecting, but if Robert showed up, Eddie knew exactly what he would do to him. Anger burned like fire in Eddie’s veins. What Robert had done to them would not go unpunished. A list ran through his mind: Dr. Arthur, Manager Wilson, Prosecutor Robert... These were at the top of his target list. And then there was the nun who stood over Violet and gave her electroshock, and the male nurse who had walked with him when he first arrived at the hospital. All of their faces were etched into Eddie’s memory. He believed it was his duty to make these assholes pay, especially since the police seemed to be doing nothing. But Eddie couldn’t help asking himself: “Am I strong enough? Am I brave enough?” He had never been in a serious fight beyond high school scuffles with other teens. Yet he was convinced that these people didn’t deserve to breathe. Eddie wouldn’t let the fate of the past dictate his future. The things he once believed in had been lost under Vecna’s chains. But now there was no running. Only fighting.

When he realized the approaching person was Oliver, he stood up from the sidewalk where he had been sitting. The person he had been waiting for was finally in front of him. Oliver looked surprised when he saw Eddie. Quickly, he pushed his curly hair away from his eyes with his hands and took a step toward Eddie, extending his hand. “Eddie? What are you doing here? You left, I thought they saved you,” he said, his voice full of astonishment. Eddie gave a bittersweet smile. He wanted to show Oliver the determination in his eyes. “It would be better if we talked somewhere more private,” he said, and Oliver nodded, motioning for him to follow.

As they entered the guesthouse, Eddie took a long look at the door he believed once belonged to Violet’s room while climbing the stairs. He couldn’t think about anything but Violet. The regret inside him was growing. “I wish I had never dragged her into this,” he thought to himself. But what was done was done, and Eddie needed to find a way out of this chaos.

When Eddie and Oliver entered Oliver’s room in the guesthouse, Oliver threw the bag in his hand into a corner. He loosened his tie with his hand and took a deep breath. “What do you want to drink?” he asked, heading toward the fridge. Eddie, trying to maintain his composure, replied, “Something cold would be nice.” Oliver took two cans of soda from the fridge and handed one to Eddie. He sat on the opposite couch and opened his can. After a brief silence, he spoke. “You’re here to ask about Violet,” Oliver said, looking directly into Eddie’s eyes. Eddie hadn’t opened his soda yet. His eyes were filled with anger and despair. “Nobody’s telling me anything about her,” he said. “Oliver, you’re her doctor. I know you know something. And don’t think I’ve forgotten the dirty game you played with Violet. You tricked me! You let her sacrifice herself for me! But I still need you. Please, tell me, is she okay?”

Oliver placed the soda on the coffee table. He clasped his hands together and remained silent for a moment. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. Finally, he spoke, “Eddie, the dose of electricity Violet received caused significant damage to her brain nerves. I don’t think she can even handle her most basic needs on her own right now. I don’t know when—or if—it will pass. I think she may have sustained permanent damage.” These words drove Eddie mad. “Do you think ?!” he shouted, leaping to his feet. His eyes were blazing with anger. “For God’s sake, did you study all those years to get that medical degree for nothing? Don’t you understand what’s happening to your patient? How is she?!” Oliver continued in a calm tone, unfazed by Eddie’s anger. “Eddie, mental illnesses are not like physical illnesses. When you have the flu, you get treated, we give you medicine, and tell you when you’ll recover. But we can’t predict when a virus growing in the mind will pass. I don’t know Violet’s condition, and I won’t be able to assess the extent of the damage for some time. She can’t even speak.”

Eddie turned to Oliver in horror. His eyes were filled with desperation. “I need to see her, Oliver. I’m begging you. Help me get in there,” he said, his voice both pleading and determined. Oliver took a deep breath and shook his head negatively. “The person you want to talk to isn’t an ordinary patient. And I can’t arrange a visit for you with a patient who is officially recorded as deceased. Wilson and the others are breathing down my neck. They’re just waiting for a chance to lock me up in blue clothes as well.” Eddie continued impatiently, “I didn’t ask you to arrange a visit for me. Get me in. As a patient. ”

Oliver raised his eyebrows in shock. He looked at Eddie as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You just got out of there, and you’ve already forgotten how you got out? If you go back in, you might never get out again. Are you insane?!” Eddie stared directly into Oliver’s eyes and replied, “If I were insane, would you admit me?” Oliver gave a faint smile. “I still wouldn’t, Eddie. We promised Violet… We would save you.”

Eddie angrily sat back down on the couch. His hands were clenched into fists, and his eyes burned with rage. “If one more person says that, the next one is getting punched. Enough already. Didn’t you come here looking for Ginny, Oliver? Aren’t you staying in this disgusting place because you think she’s here? Would you leave?” he asked, his voice rising in fury.

Oliver met Eddie’s words with a moment of silence. Instead of answering, he headed inside. A short while later, he returned with a pillow and a blanket in his hands. He tossed them onto Eddie. “Get some rest tonight. We’ll see what we can do tomorrow,” he said in a soft tone.

Eddie had been staying in Oliver's room at the same guesthouse for three weeks. During this time, they made a plan every day, but something always went wrong. Eddie needed to get inside; every second without news from Violet and John was growing heavier. Three weeks had passed, and he hadn’t heard anything about them. He had seen Brendon a few times from the window, but Oliver warned Eddie strictly not to make any contact with him. Oliver had mentioned that Violet’s condition had slightly improved, but it wasn’t enough for Eddie. He couldn’t even imagine how bad Violet’s state was. His patience was running thin.

Meanwhile, Hopper kept calling and asking if Eddie had gotten into the hospital yet. When Eddie turned off the stove after heating some canned food in the kitchen, he heard the door lock turn and stood up. When Oliver walked in, his face was filled with triumph. Eddie raised his eyebrows and looked at him curiously.

Oliver’s face was glowing with excitement. “It worked, Eddie!” he said enthusiastically. Eddie asked in surprise, “What? How?!”

Oliver continued smiling as he explained. “You’re going back to that hospital tomorrow.”

Eddie smiled and gestured toward the table with his head. Oliver excitedly rushed to the table and sat down. He pulled out a file from his bag and slid it in front of Eddie.

Eddie picked up the file and began to go through it. It was an application form. It belonged to a family from a farm in Detroit who had applied to the hospital, claiming their son was ��possessed by the devil.”

Eddie looked at Oliver with confusion. Oliver smirked slightly and pointed. “Look at the child’s name and surname.” Eddie glanced at the corner of the file and read the name written there: Edward Francis Munson. A surprised smile appeared on his face. “All the Edward Munsons in the country must be nuts, I guess,” he said sarcastically.

Suddenly, a realization hit him, and he asked quickly, “Wait a second, are you going to get me inside pretending I’m this kid?” Oliver grinned and nodded. Eddie hesitated for a moment but couldn’t hold back his objection. “But what if the kid’s family comes in and asks about the application status? And everyone in that hospital knows me. They’ll know I’m not this kid. Wilson will never let me in.” Oliver spoke with confidence. “The kid’s family applied to several hospitals along with this one. And right now, one of them has already accepted them. We even had a document confirming their acceptance, but guess what—I ‘accidentally’ fed it to the shredder...”

Eddie was first shocked, then burst into laughter. “Alright, the family won’t come. How are you going to get me inside?” he asked. Oliver maintained eye contact with Eddie as he spoke decisively. “I’m a doctor, remember? If I submit a petition diagnosing you as ‘schizophrenic’ and get this file approved, once they realize there’s another Eddie, it will already be too late. They’ll think they’ve admitted another Eddie. And don’t forget—they’ve already issued death certificates for two living people. They’re aware of this. If they try to kick you out after admitting you, they’ll be in trouble because it’ll be revealed that they issued fake death certificates for you. So, Eddie, I’m asking you one last time. Do you really want to go in? Because you might never come back out.”

Eddie nodded without hesitation. “I accept the risk,” he said.

The next day, Eddie was waiting in front of the hospital doors. He ignored the curious glances from the staff passing by, merely raising his middle finger at them mockingly. At that moment, Oliver came running out of the hospital and approached Eddie. He motioned with his head that they needed to move. Eddie followed Oliver.

The pair headed toward the laundry room they had gone to the first time they entered the hospital. When they entered the laundry room, the same secretary, with the same indifferent attitude, gestured toward the section with clean clothes. Eddie removed his rings. As he started taking off the sleeveless denim jacket he wore over his leather jacket, the secretary was watching him closely. While taking off his t-shirt, he winked at the elderly secretary and headed to the section with clean clothes to put on the blue clothes.

After putting on the blue clothes he returned to Oliver, who was waiting by the door. “Can I go see Violet now?” he asked. Oliver shook his head. “First, we have another task. We’re going to the manager’s office,” he said. Eddie nodded in agreement. As they walked down the corridor, Eddie saw Brendon coming from the other direction. Brendon initially glanced at Eddie and turned his head away. But a second later, he froze and turned back to Eddie.

Brendon’s eyes widened as he recognized Eddie at the end of the corridor. He struggled to catch his breath as he spoke in astonishment. “Eddie?! You... This clothes... What are you doing here?!” Eddie smiled and responded calmly. “I’ll explain everything. Can you bring John and Violet to the common room? I’ll be there shortly.” Brendon, unsure how to respond to this unexpected request, nodded and quickly walked away. Eddie and Oliver had reached Manager Wilson’s office. With a sly grin on his face, Oliver knocked on the door and went inside. Eddie could hear the conversation inside clearly as he waited outside.

Wilson began speaking in an irritated tone. “What is it now, Oliver?” Then Arthur’s stern voice followed. “Didn’t we tell you not to come here unless it’s something important?” Oliver didn’t seem to take the situation seriously. He replied in a relaxed manner. “I want to introduce you to the patient you admitted today.” Wilson sounded exasperated. “Are we supposed to meet every patient we admit? Get out.” Oliver chuckled and added, “You’ll want to meet this one. Eddie, come on in.” Eddie pushed the door open and stepped inside. The expression that appeared on Wilson and Arthur’s faces was pure shock. Eddie watched this change with great delight. The satisfaction on his face was almost a challenge to the dismayed mood of those in front of him. Wilson quickly opened the drawer next to him and pulled out a file. He flipped through the pages so fast that they almost tore. Finally, he stood up and angrily pointed his finger at Oliver. "You... You played us, didn’t you? You tricked us. Do you think you’re very clever?" Oliver didn’t seem affected by Wilson’s threatening demeanor. He spoke calmly. "If you want, you can discharge Eddie right now. But that will lead to two outcomes. First, a public lawsuit will be filed against you for endangering public safety by releasing a potentially dangerous 'schizophrenic' patient without completing their treatment. Or Eddie will sue you after being discharged because you admitted the wrong person and kept someone innocent here. In short, Manager, you’ve stepped in it. You have no choice but to keep him here." Arthur, who had been quietly listening to Oliver, turned to Eddie with a conflicted expression. "You shouldn’t be here," he said. Wilson glared at Eddie with a displeased look, while Arthur stepped forward and began speaking in a threatening tone. "You think you’ve done something clever by coming here. Right now, you’re nothing more than a lamb that’s returned to the wolves’ den." Eddie, unfazed by the threat, replied. "Want to give it a try? This time, we won’t stay silent. We won’t let people like you torment people like us. By the time I’m done here, Arthur, they’ll strap you into a straitjacket and fry you." Arthur’s face reddened with anger at Eddie’s words, and he snapped back. "Do your worst, Munson." Eddie kept his composure and delivered one final remark. "Careful, or my worst might blow up somewhere inappropriate for you." Despite Arthur’s shocked expression, Eddie merely stared at him coldly. Oliver took Eddie by the arm and led him out of the room. Together, they walked toward the common room.

In the common room, Brendon and John were sitting on a couch. The moment John saw Eddie, he jumped up and quickly embraced him. Tears streamed down his face. "You’re an idiot, Eddie. You’re an idiot for coming back here," he murmured. Eddie hugged John tightly in return. His eyes were searching for someone else. John noticed that Eddie was looking for Violet, and his expression suddenly turned serious. Bowing his head slightly, he spoke. "I wanted to warn you before you see her, Eddie. I’m not sure if you can handle it. Actually, I asked Oliver to wait a few weeks before bringing you in. Seeing her in those first moments wouldn’t have done you any good. She’s a bit better now." Eddie interrupted John’s explanations, impatiently asking, "Where is she?" The lump in Eddie’s throat made it hard to breathe and swallow. John nodded toward Brendon. Brendon silently left the common room and returned a few minutes later, walking with someone holding onto his arm. Eddie froze for a moment when he saw that person. Was that... Violet? Violet was stumbling as she walked and struggling to stay upright. Her gaze was vacant and fearful as she glanced around. Even from a distance, it was clear her mind was in disarray. With each step, she looked at Brendon in fear. Brendon spoke softly, encouragingly, as if trying to reassure her. "It’s okay. We’re almost there." Eddie noticed the red scars on either side of Violet’s forehead. The wounds had scabbed over, and some areas had stitches. The sight made Eddie’s hands tremble. He couldn’t stop the tears welling up in his eyes. Violet and Brendon had barely managed to cover a few steps in a minute because of Violet’s frightened and shaky movements. John watched Eddie’s face, waiting for his reaction. But Eddie didn’t know what to say. Violet was standing in front of him, but she wasn’t the Violet he knew. An indescribable fear filled him. Brendon walked over to Eddie and placed a hand on his shoulder. "This is her good state, buddy," he said. "At least she can form sentences. She couldn’t even swallow without help before." Brendon’s attempt to console him only deepened Eddie’s pain. When Violet finally reached Eddie, she still wasn’t lifting her head. Eddie gently held her face with his hands and raised it. "Violet?..." he said, his voice trembling. Violet looked into Eddie’s eyes, frightened. The fear in her eyes was unmistakable. Eddie, feeling like she might break if he touched her, slowly pulled his hands back. At the same time, Violet took a step back and hid behind John. Like a child embarrassed and hiding behind a parent, Violet peeked at Eddie from over John’s shoulder. Then she leaned into John’s ear and whispered. Her voice was soft but clear enough for Eddie to hear. Violet tilted her head toward John’s shoulder and whispered fearfully, "John... I don’t know him..." After those words, tears streamed uncontrollably down Eddie’s face. John bit his lip and grimaced, hugging Violet tightly. As Violet’s sobs grew louder, Eddie stopped trying to hold back his own tears. At that moment, Oliver moved to Eddie’s other side. "For now, she only trusts me and John," he said quietly. "She doesn’t recognize anyone else. We don’t know when she’ll come around or start remembering things." Eddie couldn’t find anything to say. The lump in his throat felt like a sharp blade, making it impossible to swallow. John looked into Eddie’s eyes and spoke firmly. "But that’s not our biggest problem," he said with determination. Eddie fixed his gaze on John. What could be worse than this?

Oliver pointed to someone sitting in the corner. At first, Eddie couldn’t recognize who it was. There was a familiar feeling, but the person had changed so much that it was hard to remember. He was clean-shaven, wearing blue clothes, and his haggard appearance made him nearly unrecognizable. But when Eddie looked closer, he realized. This was Prosecutor Robert Hills.

When Robert saw Eddie, he stood up. Eddie held his breath. Rage enveloped his entire body, and his vision seemed to darken with fury. There was only one person responsible for Violet’s condition, and that was Robert. Dr. Arthur might have strapped her to that bed and administered the electric shocks. Manager Wilson might have turned a blind eye or even supported it. But the one who started it all, the one who pulled the pin on the grenade, was Robert.

Eddie started walking quickly toward Robert. Robert took a step back at the sight of Eddie’s furious approach. He was taller than Eddie, but that didn’t matter to Eddie in the slightest. Just before landing his fist on Robert’s face, Eddie’s expression shifted into a cold smile.

With Eddie’s first punch, Robert was pushed back against the wall behind him. He tried to shield his face with his hands, so Eddie directed his next blows to his groin, stomach, and ribcage.

As the assault intensified, Brendon and Oliver rushed to intervene, grabbing Eddie’s arms. But Eddie didn’t stop; he began kicking Robert instead. Finally, Robert fell to the ground, curling into a fetal position to protect himself.

Oliver, furious, grabbed Eddie and shoved him forcefully. “Do you want to end up in a cell your first day here, Eddie?! Get a grip!” he yelled.

At that moment, Wilson and Arthur entered the room, probably having heard the commotion. They stood there with expressions of both concern and curiosity. When they saw Eddie, they exchanged a sly smile and simply watched the scene unfold.

Arthur spoke in a mocking tone, “So, you’ve seen the big surprise, I take it.”

Eddie shouted angrily, pointing toward Robert. “What is this asshole doing here?! Did you put him here so I’d kill him and become a murderer?!”

Wilson shrugged nonchalantly and replied, “Do whatever you want with him. We’re done. Just try not to make too much of a mess. Bloodstains are hard to clean.”

As soon as he finished speaking, Wilson and Arthur turned and left the room without the slightest concern. Meanwhile, Robert struggled to his feet, clutching his stomach. Slowly, he wiped the blood from the corner of his mouth and took a deep breath.

Breaking the silence, Robert spoke in a pained tone. “If you’re going to kill me, then do it, Eddie. I don’t have much reason to live anyway.”

Eddie fixed his gaze on Robert and raised his voice. “Shut up. Don’t try to play the victim. I don’t feel a shred of pity for you, Robert. You deserve every bit of what’s happened to you.”

Robert lowered his head at Eddie’s harsh words. With a slight sigh, he said, “I can’t blame you for thinking that way. If you were in my shoes, maybe you’d understand.”

Eddie laughed bitterly. “I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes. You’re a disgusting piece of trash. We trusted you, and you threw us back in here. You’re going to rot here, Robert,” he hissed.

Robert replied calmly, “So will you. You’re no different from me now.”

Eddie’s eyes darkened further. As he lunged forward to attack again, Brendon quickly grabbed his arm and forcefully pulled him back. “Can’t you see? He’s provoking you. They’ll really lock you up if you keep this up, Eddie. Let’s get out of here,” Brendon said, his voice carrying a clear warning.

Clenching his teeth, Eddie broke free from Brendon’s grip and turned away, heading toward where Violet was. Violet watched Eddie’s approach with fear. As he got closer, she retreated further, hiding behind John. Eddie tried to put on a soft and innocent smile. All he wanted was for Violet not to be afraid of him.

When Eddie reached out his hand, Violet locked eyes with him. Eddie spoke gently, “Hi, beautiful, I’m Eddie. Do you remember me?” he asked. Instead of answering, Violet looked over to the corner where Robert stood. Her gaze clearly revealed that she was now afraid of Eddie because of what he had done to Robert.

When Eddie saw that look, he bit his lip. Suppressing the wave of regret rising within him, he took another step closer and gently took Violet’s hands in his. “He’s a bad man,” he said, his voice trembling.

Then Eddie looked deeper into Violet’s eyes and continued, “I would never hurt you, Violet. I’d never let anything happen to you again. Never,” he whispered. The sincerity in his words seemed to slightly ease Violet’s apprehension. Instead of pulling her hands away, Violet held Eddie’s hands in return.

Eddie was sitting at the long and uncomfortable cafeteria table with John and the others. It had only been three days since Eddie returned to the hospital, and he had been waiting for news from Hopper ever since. Hopper claimed he was making arrangements, but whatever he was arranging, he needed to hurry. The hope inside Eddie was fading a little more with each passing day.

He looked at John sitting across from him. John was playing with his food, appearing distracted and lost in thought. Eddie turned his gaze from John to Violet sitting beside him. Violet was trying to eat, filling her spoon with soup and struggling with her shaky hand. But her wrists were so weak that the soup spilled all over her before she could even bring the spoon to her mouth.

Eddie picked up a napkin from the basket next to him and gently wiped Violet’s mouth. Then he placed his hand over Violet’s trembling one. Violet looked at Eddie with surprise.

“Hold on, sweetheart, let me help you,” Eddie said with a smile. He took Violet’s spoon and began helping her drink the soup.

John rubbed his face with his hands. Taking a deep breath, he grumbled, “How much longer is this going to go on? I can’t stand seeing her like this. We need her right now.”

Eddie set the spoon aside and raised his head slightly. “She’s in this state because of me,” he said, his voice breaking.

John sighed and looked at Eddie. “We’ve talked about this, Eddie. It was her choice. No matter what you did, she would have sacrificed herself anyway. For your freedom.”

Eddie replied sharply, “Freedom, for me, isn’t outside these walls. It’s wherever she is, John.”

John rolled his eyes and spoke in a sarcastic tone. “Dude, if you don’t get out of here, you’re not going to marry her and live happily ever after. You’ll either die from the filth here or the experiments. This place isn’t safe for anyone.”

Eddie ran his hand through his hair and chuckled lightly. “Speaking of filth, we could use a shower,” he said.

John nodded in agreement. Eddie continued, “I’ll take Violet to her room and be right back.”

When Eddie took Violet’s arm to support her, she clung tightly to him. She did this every time they were going somewhere. She held on so tightly that her nails dug into Eddie’s arm. She was afraid of everything and everyone, as if she had aged prematurely. Her memory was completely blank; she remembered nothing and no one. Eddie placed his hand over Violet’s and spoke softly.

“Baby, you’re cold,” he said. He took off his jacket and gently placed it over Violet’s shoulders. Then he leaned down and zipped it up.

Violet suddenly asked, “What day is it today?”

Eddie looked up at her, as if not understanding the question for a moment.

Violet continued with a hint of curiosity in her eyes, “Have I ever asked you this before?”

A smile spread across Eddie’s face. He stood up quickly, pulled Violet close, hugged her tightly, and stroked her hair while inhaling its scent. “Yes, my angel, you’ve asked me. Every day, you used to ask me. Do you remember?”

Violet nodded slightly in affirmation. She was beginning to remember. Eddie waited patiently. No matter how long it took, he believed Violet would get better. Even though Oliver had said Violet might regain some memories but would never be the same, Eddie didn’t want to believe it. Violet was his Violet.

After taking Violet to her room, Eddie went to the men’s bathroom. John had already filled the tub with hot water and gotten in. There was no privacy here; all the tubs were lined up side by side.

There were no curtains or stalls in the bathroom, as if the only way to prevent people from harming themselves was to leave everything open. But in this hellish place, where rapists and murderers roamed freely, was this truly the safest solution they could come up with? Lost in these thoughts, Eddie took off his clothes, threw them on the floor, and turned on the water in a tub.

He got into the tub, trying to relax. His eyes fell on John in the next tub. “Got a cigarette?” he asked, dunking his head underwater and wiping his face as he surfaced. John bent down, grabbed a cigarette, and tossed it to him. Eddie struck a match, lit his cigarette, and leaned against the edge of the tub, watching the smoke drift through the air as he sought a moment of peace.

John suddenly jolted and spoke. “Hey, someone’s coming.”

Eddie quickly flicked his cigarette to the floor. The room was already filled with steam from the hot water, so it was unlikely anyone would suspect the smoke. When Eddie saw that it was Robert who had entered, he sighed deeply and rolled his eyes. He would have to light another cigarette. Robert walked over, turned on the water, and sat on the edge of the tub as it filled, looking as if he hadn’t expected to find them there.

Eddie took a drag from his cigarette and spoke with a mocking expression. “What’s up, Robert? Here to wash away your sins?” he said, smirking slightly. Robert didn’t reply.

For three days, every time Eddie saw Robert, he made snide remarks, trying to provoke him. But no matter what Eddie did, Robert rarely reacted. Still, it was fun to mess with him like a cat playing with a mouse. Robert was terrified of Eddie, and Eddie enjoyed it.

John joined in with a laugh. “Oh, come on, Eddie. Even if Robert washed with all the water in the city, he still wouldn’t be clean. He’s got the blood of the innocent on him,” he said sarcastically.

Robert silently took off his blue shirt and looked at Eddie as he spoke. “You know, Eddie?” he said, his voice carrying a hint of mockery. Eddie looked at him with an indifferent expression. Robert continued in the same calm tone, “It doesn’t suit you to treat the only person who can help you like this.”

A look of anger spread across Eddie’s face. “Help me with what, exactly? You’re not capable of helping anyone but yourself. We’ve seen that once, and we’ve learned our lesson,” he said sharply.

Ignoring Eddie’s reaction, Robert replied, “I can heal Violet.”

With these words, Eddie slowly straightened from where he was. Holding onto both sides of the bathtub, he stood up. He grabbed the towel nearby and wrapped it around his waist. Water dripped from his hair and body, forming small puddles on the floor. As the sound of his wet footsteps echoed through the silent bathroom, he walked toward Robert. His eyes radiated sharp anger in response to the words he had just heard. "What did you say?" he asked harshly.

Robert rolled his eyes, ignoring Eddie's reaction. "You heard me," he said indifferently.

Meanwhile, John, observing the situation, burst into laughter. "A seasoned doctor can't do anything, but our little runt prosecutor is going to heal Violet? Really?" he said mockingly.

Robert tilted his head slightly and looked at John. "Do you honestly think that's my profession? A prosecutor?" he retorted.

Eddie took a deep breath and leaned against a bathtub, speaking with a disdainful expression. "You're right. Prosecutors are men of justice. The only thing you'd be fit for, Robert, is a circus freak," he said coldly.

Robert turned off the faucet filling the tub and replied in a calm tone, "Fine, if you don’t want my help, that’s your choice."

Eddie's expression hardened. "You're right, we don’t. Because there’s nothing you can do," he countered.

Robert stared at Eddie’s face for a moment before slowly stepping toward him. The distance between them was nearly gone. Eddie had to straighten up from where he was leaning. John, startled by the sudden movement, became alert. As a trained officer, he was ready for any threat and quickly stood up.

Robert extended his hand toward Eddie. As Eddie tried to figure out the meaning of this gesture, Robert turned his arm. Eddie froze in place as if rooted to the ground, staring at the tattoo on Robert’s wrist. He quickly looked over at John. John, who had approached with the towel still tied around his waist, was also looking at Robert’s extended hand.

John asked in astonishment, "003? What does that mean?"

Eddie’s voice was filled with mixed emotions. "You’re one of them… like Eleven," he said.

Robert nodded in confirmation. Eddie ran his hands over his face, muttering, "But… How? Why? What?"

Robert responded with a sly smile on his face. "You couldn’t even figure out where it was coming from, could you, Eddie? Why I was so determined to see you dead? Because he wanted it. Vecna. Henry, to be precise."

Eddie spoke as if the air had been knocked out of him. "You knew about Vecna all along. You knew about the murders. You knew everything. Even while we were running."

Robert nodded in acknowledgment of Eddie’s words.

Eddie’s gaze was fixed on Robert. The questions in his mind grew with every passing second. "I don’t understand. What are you doing here?" he asked.

Robert took a deep breath and answered with a composed expression. "I started working for Vecna, and we became… connected, in a way. If he dies, I die too. So I have to do whatever he wants. When I came here, my main goal was to have you executed. But then I realized something even Vecna didn’t know. Eddie, you’re not so different from me after all."

Eddie’s eyes narrowed further. "What do you mean?" he asked.

Robert continued, "You remember the day Violet was hooked up to the electroshock machine. Two people in the room went into a trance and died. You saw it, didn’t you?"

Unwillingly, Eddie nodded.

Robert’s words were chilling. "That wasn’t Vecna. It was you, " Robert said with conviction.

Eddie’s teeth clenched as he retorted angrily, "You’re lying."

Robert maintained his composure as if he had anticipated this reaction. "Believe me or don’t. Until that moment, even I didn’t understand. Because Vecna wasn’t there. I can feel him. I know where he is. He was definitely not there that day. And I wasn’t doing it either. Something like that requires great power, pain, and anger. And at that moment, you were the only one in the room with those feelings. You did it."

Eddie’s voice rose, filled with conflicting emotions. "I didn’t do anything! I… I don’t have any connection to Vecna! I’ve never even seen him alive!"

Robert stepped closer to Eddie and pointed to his side, where his kidneys were. "You don’t need to see him to be connected to him. The demobats bit you. Hive mind. You’re connected to him now. So Eddie, if Vecna gets hurt, if he dies, you’re connected to him. You’ll die too. You have powers you don’t even know about yet. And you don’t realize how dangerous you are."

Eddie’s eyes were burning with anger. "I don’t believe a single word you’re saying, Robert. Even if I assumed it was true, I would never serve him," he declared with determination.

Robert smirked mockingly and shrugged. "You don’t choose to serve him, idiot. He uses you whenever he wants. Since you were bitten, has he ever tried to come and hunt you down? Have you ever found yourself passed out without meaning to?" he asked.

John, overwhelmed by the conversation, raised both hands in the air. "Wait, wait. What’s a demobat? I don’t understand anything. Is someone going to explain this to me?" he asked desperately.

Robert began speaking calmly, as if giving a lecture. "Vecna was once a normal but dangerous kid with superpowers. I was the same. I was always different. But one day, in the lab where the doctor who wanted to test our power worked, something happened. A portal to another dimension was opened. Vecna is now the king there. And everything connected to that place serves him. Eddie was bitten by the creatures there. And he quite literally came back from the dead. You remember, don’t you, Eddie?"

Eddie lowered his head and said nothing.

Taking encouragement from the silence, Robert continued. "Your survival isn’t a miracle. You weren’t supposed to live. He brought you back to life. Just like he brought me back and bound me to him. Now, you were saying we’re not the same, that we’re different. Doesn’t seem so different to me, huh?"

As these words echoed in Eddie’s mind, he couldn’t help but ask another question. "What you said about Violet. Were you serious?"

Robert, exuding confidence, raised his hand and moved his fingers one by one. "I have my own tricks."

taglist:@arabellagreenleaf @cokepowder55 @nessa3nessa @25bohemianmoons @nicholaschavezslut69 @multyfangirl @t-folklore13

[xenon-demon]

only one (1) coherent thought in my skull right now and it’s domestic steddie with Steve washing Eddie’s hair after he’s discharged from hospital post-Vecna.

I’m imagining Eddie’s being discharged to Steve’s house, because Steve is but a simple man with a saviour complex (and also a crush on Eddie) so he’s letting Wayne and Eddie stay with him. Partly so they have somewhere to be while the government sorts out some new housing for them, but mostly because Eddie needs support for these first few weeks out of hospital and Wayne is away at work a lot. Having Steve around as well means Eddie won’t end up in a situation where he needs a hand but is stuck home alone for hours.

Eddie’s recovered enough for discharge but still requires a lot of physical therapy, and one of the things he still can’t do is raise his arms above his head. He can’t wash his hair pretty much at all, and while the nurses washed it for him in hospital, they didn’t do it frequently enough for Eddie’s standards. His hair has been driving him insane, as the limp, greasy feeling against his face, neck and scalp makes him want to claw his skin off. When he’s told how long it’s expected to take before his arms have full range of motion again, he makes a joke-that’s-not-really-a-joke about going back to his buzzcut days just to avoid dealing with the feeling.

Steve is horrified at the suggestion, and immediately offers to wash Eddie’s hair for him. He also divulges that part of the reason he styled his hair the way he did in high school was because he played a lot of sports, and couldn’t stand the feeling of sweaty hair against his neck and face. Sure, he genuinely did want his hair to look good, but styling it up so it was out of his face was an added bonus.

Eddie’s hair is driving him so crazy that he says yes, especially once he realises Steve might actually get where he’s coming from.

Cue an emotionally tense shower, where both Steve and Eddie are stripped down to their boxers because they don’t want to this fully clothed but they sure as fuck don’t want to do it naked, either. (Spoiler alert, they’d both actually love to have a naked shower together, they’re just both too nervous to bring that up at this stage!)

But then Eddie slips while in the shower, still unsteady on his feet and learning to adjust to his bad leg, so Steve makes an executive decision to switch over to the bath. After a bit of manoeuvring they find a comfortable position to do this; Eddie sitting in front of Steve in the bath, Steve’s legs stretched out either side of him. Between the physical intimacy of having your hair washed by someone else, and the way they don’t have to look at each other’s faces as they do this, they end up talking. They get a lot more personal than they were able to in hospital or during Spring Break, and it’s such a nice experience that they’ll each happily put up with the sensory hell of waterlogged boxers.

Eventually - after Eddie and Wayne have moved into their new place, but Eddie and Steve are over at each other’s houses often enough that they might as well still be living together - Eddie can move his arms enough to wash his hair on his own. He’s gotten more used to his bad leg and can stand long enough to even shower if he wants to. They go about three weeks with Eddie washing his own hair, both of them desperately missing this little routine they’d built but not wanting to admit it. One day, however, Eddie feels so lonely and so tired from physical therapy that day that he asks Steve to wash his hair for him. Steve accepts in a heartbeat, almost before Eddie’s even had time to say the words.

It feels different that time. The energy between them is charged, everything feeling more intimate somehow. It’s so palpable a difference that after Steve runs the conditioner through Eddie’s hair to let it sit for a few minutes, Eddie turns around in the bath to face Steve. He takes a breath, trying to steel his nerves, and asks: can I kiss you?

Steve doesn’t answer him; he thinks the way he leans in and slots his lips in between Eddie’s is answer enough.

[deeplyobsessed]

ok so i’m gonna ramble in sections

section 1: cgi moustache

FUCKING HILARIOUS like it was so bad it was funny HELP also buck’s hair was season 8 hair too it’s so funny like WHY did they reuse this HAHA

section 2: confession part 1

as short of a scene as it was, this was really nicely shot imo. and the tears in eddie’s eyes when he spoke like RYAN GUZMAN UR SO GOOD. but also how does buck (best friend) rank about girlfriend like hmmmmmmm

section 3: FUCKING ABBY

I CLOCKED IT I KNEW IT i know we always joke about 911 having continuity issues but THIS was such a good way to call back season 1 like insane writing tim minear and i love u for it

section 4: the divorce call

i wish they did more with this call like there was potential to call back to eddie/shannon but they didn’t. other than that i think honestly this is one of the grossest calls they’ve ever been on like genuinely icked the hell out of me with the guts like ugh gross

section 5: josh’s speech

as much as people hate on tommy, i do think josh’s explanation of things does give some sort of context to the way tommy acted in the past. like yeah racism and sexism is bad don’t get me wrong, but tommy did make an effort to change. it’s just that with society and his own work place back then, tommy prob had a lot of internalised homophobia that he expressed negatively outward to others (chim and hen in particular). but josh made a very good point with his speech about pre glee and post glee world (great reference, 10/10) and i think this was one of my favourite parts of this episode

section 6: confession part 2

ok first of all there was literally NO NEED to add that “im straight” “im celibate” part. like that was intentionally written into the script for something bcos that entire section could have been done without the sexuality mention. tim minear i see you. other than that FATHER BRIAN YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS. my fav line he said was “but we can’t take care of others if we don’t first take care of ourselves”. bcos this is true!! and also a line used in therapy a lot cough. anyway i think the conversation eddie had with the priest was like a wake up call to eddie to start getting his head out of his ass and start working towards something. love this scene 10/10

section 7: brothers and pipes

most of this call was focused on the brothers part more than the well scene call back, tho there was a throw away line from bobby to eddie about how (eddie) wouldn’t fit this time. i do wonder if this happened irl would fire departments legally be authorised to allow children to help with rescues tho. otherwise honestly this was a very cute scene that helped chim get some introspection. i do wish there was more of a well scene call back tho :(

section 8: buck tommy breakup

as a buddie fan, i am overjoyed. but as a buck fan, i am devastated. tommy is actually one of my favourite love interests for buck, and its not just because he’s a dude and sexual awakening all that. i genuinely do think buck and tommy could have had a lot of potential if the show had decided to go through with it, but at the same time ending it here was also a relatively good note. i think in this relationship it wasn’t actually buck who wasn’t ready, it was tommy. tommy is afraid of things not working out in the long run bcos he doesn’t believe in buck’s affection for him being long term. this whole breakup was bcos tommy wasn’t ready imo. i do see the point tommy was trying to make but i also think it was a bit of a dick move to do the whole breakup immediately after buck asked tommy to move in with him. like the timing could have been better tommy. tommy being the one who decided to end things did surprise me tho. but now i feel really sad for buck bcos buck did like tommy a lot, and also as a queer person your first queer relationship is always going to mean a lot to you

section 9: MADNEY MADNEY MADNEY

HOLY MOTHER OF- i didn’t see this coming i didn’t but i am so here for it. the amount of trust and communication between chim and maddie is literal relationship GOALS like they lay out the boundaries and have healthy discussions about having another kid and it’s just so UGHHHH I LOVE YOU also maddie already being pregnant FJSJCKSK MORE BABIES

section 10: eddie, the moustache, and the dance

this. was. everything. the significance of shaving off the moustache. the dancing at the end?? no pants too was a choice. like when eddie flops back onto the couch and you see his smile, it’s like you truly see him deciding to finally forgive himself. maybe not completely, because there’s always going to be some guilt he carries around, but he’s moving forward and i’m so, so happy for him. it’s just a fun goofy feel good scene and i love love love this.

special mention: buddie and the couch

i actually think this is the first time both of them are on the couch together. like sitting next to each other with no one else. RETURN OF THE COUCH THEORY WELCOME BACK. ok but the ending scene?? the way they don’t even need words to communicate like- buck not even bothering to question why eddie doesn’t have pants, and eddie not even questioning why buck is here with beer in the first place. the level of mutual understanding has my HEART IN PIECES

overall this is honestly my fav ep this season and one of my fav eps of all time. i can’t wait to see how the story moves on from here ahhhhhhh

[fantasylover145]

I don't really get Eddie's comments during the lawsuit. I'm not even talking about how he treated Buck like a deadbeat dad, which makes no sense too since 3 weeks is hardly enough time to complain about but whatever. I understand he was dealing with his grief from losing Shannon, his anger issues, almost losing Chris and dealing with Chrisopher's nightmares, so Eddie going to a fight club makes sense. But what doesn't is Eddie saying that Buck "decided to make Bobby the bad guy", like what?! Bobby was the bad guy!! Bobby was wrongfully keeping Buck from his job and lied to him about it and this is all after he was cleared to go back. With that comment Eddie was acting like Buck was being a dick who had no right but he did, he won for a reason!! It was six months of Buck being off work to recover and then being put on desk duty by Bobby and then lied to about why he couldn't come back. I mean sure Bobby only did it so Buck could be safe but the irony of purposely putting someone with a history of blood clots on a desk job is fucking insane. Bobby couldn't have assigned him any other fucking job?! Buck definitely should of gone to the union instead of suing but he had a right to do it. And as much as it was shitty for the lawyer to bring up all that stuff it would all be public record. The lawyer was completely right about how Bobby was treating Buck differently and that the rest got back to work waaaay too quickly, which shows how irresponsible Bobby was in his position of authority. Bobby should know better. If he was going to hold Buck back even though he seemed both mentally and physically fit then he should of kept the rest back to (who were very clearly not mentally fit to be back like at all).

As fantastic of a captain as he is, he can be a pretty shitty boss. He had Buck go to a therapist after he lost his first victim, who was then sexually assaulted/exploited and we can only assume that Bobby knows and that's why Dr Wells got fired but then didn't offer Buck support?! Chim didn't receive counselling after he had a fucking rebar through his skull. And it was only after way too much time that Hen and Eddie, where Eddie literally got arrested and almost killed someone, for Bobby to intervene.

Bobby actually see's his workers slowly implode from the inside out and doesn't do anything until after they almost destroy their own lives. Bobby is a great parental figure to them all and provides fantastic advice but one conversation with his team isn't going to fix anything and he shouldn't think that it will, he should be providing his team resources, he should actually be helping them. Or at the very least intervening before shit hits the fan. Like why is this a continuous pattern with Bobby?! He learnt with Eddie in season five but that was the only time he did the right fucking thing. Moreover, after that Chim gets stabbed with rebar again and then has a traumatic episode, hallucinates the guy who stabbed him whilst he was dying, and sure Bobby may not have known the whole story, he still doesn't see fit to send him to see a fucking therapist?!? Buck and Chim both fucking died and neither got mandatory therapy for it, this is negligent and Bobby should be doing better. Bobby shouldn't just be taking them at their word but putting in place a support system that would help them process all this.

This is why I will not side with Bobby on the lawsuit, he seems to have a very consistent pattern of neglecting what his team actually needs. Bobby has worked as a firefighter for most of his adult life, he knows how the system works, and from personal experience he knows how mental and physical injuries can cause mistakes and cost lives. But instead of setting up a system to support everyone to make sure they are mentally fit to report to work, he just isn't. He only seems to ask if they are physically capable, if Bobby thought that Buck was lying about being physically ready he could of asked the doctors who cleared him, since he is a emergency contact, he could of done his research instead of lying. I do think Buck should taken more time to deal with all the trauma and everything but there were much better ways for Bobby to handle his worry for Buck. Especially since Bobby was just projecting HIS OWN TRAUMA onto him, because he was worried Buck would end up like him.

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie was having one of his favorite kinds of days. The kind where he got Steve all to himself, just to do jack shit together. They weren’t even really talking. Eddie was reading a book with Steve dozing off in his lap, Eddie’s chest his pillow as he came in and out of consciousness. 

Eddie fucking loved it. He was going to savor all of the quiet moments they had while he could, before work came calling back to him. The idea of going back to the studio and tours, award shows and after parties, interview after interview, was starting to make Eddie feel a little sick. Sick enough to sincerely consider the idea of retirement. 

Not that he would, or at least not yet. He loved music, he loved working with his friends, and just because the fame came with some downsides didn’t mean Eddie hated what he did. Even if the fantasy of leaving it all behind was starting to look more and more appealing. 

Besides, he wasn’t trying to give Steve a heart attack here.

His therapist had mentioned how much he needed to slow down on the major life decisions, that making grand and sweeping choices about his life for what he thought Steve would want was never a good idea. It would lead to resentment, unresolved feelings, blah, blah, blah. Eddie didn’t really believe it. He was pretty damn sure he could retire to a mountain cabin in the woods and be completely fine, as long as he had Steve with him.

But he was in therapy for a reason, and one of those reasons was to keep Steve. So maybe listening to her wasn’t such a bad call. 

He just wasn’t sure how he was going to survive long-distance when the time came. Not because he couldn’t handle himself or because he didn’t trust Steve. But his self-control was in the gutter. He was going to visit so often. Too often probably. And he’d definitely call too much. The amplification of his own clinginess would be impossible to ignore, and Eddie wasn’t looking forward to it. It was a lot easier to play it cool when his boyfriend lived fifteen minutes away. 

Then again, if his own insanity wasn’t enough to scare Steve off, his neediness probably wasn’t going to do it either. Hell, even the fame hadn’t gotten to him yet and that had gotten way worse since everything came out. 

Things had calmed down since that horrible video, but the lie of where Eddie was had been blown up. It was getting harder and harder not to be recognized, even with his incognito getup. The number of times Eddie has caught someone taking an unsolicited photo or video of the two of them behind his back were uncomfortably high. It didn’t help how Eddie had been spoiled with touching Steve however he wanted for months, never worrying about the consequences. Now, there were freaking TikTok compilations zoomed in on him touching Steve’s ass in public, which was just fucking great. As much as Eddie appreciated his fans, he loathed the obsession with his love life. Though… he could admit that him being in a relationship was pretty out of the ordinary. 

But even if he could excuse the interest, he couldn’t excuse people showing up to his apartment. It had only happened a few times, but the fact that he was traceable to that extent was more than enough to make him move to a new, harder to access building. Especially when one instance involved Steve at his place, alone. 

He fucking hated moving because people couldn’t understand boundaries, but Steve’s safety mattered more than his convenience. He was probably being paranoid, but he never wanted him to go through something like that again. Even if he handled it like a champ. They were lucky it had been a nice, though admittedly unwell, guy who went on his merry way. Eddie wasn’t going to risk any kind of alternative. 

Besides, it wasn’t all bad. Steve having nearly no presence on social media definitely helped things. No one really knew who he was. They just knew that Eddie was in a semi-dramatic relationship from the crying video and all the ass grabbing. Without the context it was pretty hard to track down what was actually happening. At least Steve wasn’t getting harassed because of him. Or at least not yet. Eddie wasn’t sure how long that would last when they moved in together or when they got married but… that was on the list of big life decisions he wasn't supposed to be thinking of right now. 

“You know,” Steve mumbled into his collarbone, pulling Eddie right out of his overcommitted thoughts, “We’ve been together for a while now.”

“Seven months and 21 days,” Eddie confirmed, as he turned back a page in his book. He had been too lost in his own head to retain shit and Steve cutely smiling up at him wasn’t improving his concentration.

“Do you remember our second date?” Steve asked.

Eddie nearly rolled his eyes. Of course he remembered, “Stevie, I remember our 23rd. Remember that? We found Twister and I had the most painful erection to ever-”

“Stop talking,” Steve said fondly, pressing a kiss to his lips, “Go back to the second. Do you remember what you said that night?”

“I think I said a lot of things,” Eddie grinned before setting his book to the side, “I remember you making fun of what is now one of your favorite foods. And how cute you were trying to cook-”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m adorable,” Steve finished for him with a laugh, “But what else?”

Eddie raised a brow at him, “How about you just tell me if you’re so impatient?”

Steve was still smiling at him but it had a nervous edge to it. One that Eddie didn’t understand until he opened his mouth, “Whatever happened to tying boys up?”

From the newest chapter of this fic(which is done with one bonus chapter coming!)

[princessamericachavez]

I still can’t believe how unhinged the couch thing is.

In s5 we see that Taylor brings her couch into the loft even though Buck has one and they have a problem from the get go because both couches (aka their personalities, their lives, their wants) do not fit in at the same time. They are both too attached to their own individual lives and goals to actually share a life. There’s no space for both of them in that home.

Ok anyway moving on Taylor is gone and we have an empty space where she forced her couch into Buck’s space.

Anyway, my point is: 6x1 we have the whole couch conversation and it’s always been such an OBVIOUS metaphor for Buck and Eddie’s relationship that it drives me insane.

“You know, I think it’s weird that he’s struggling to pick a replacement when he has so many excellent options right under his nose.”

“Like you?”

“It’s like he’s choosing not to see them and everything they have to offer.”

In the same season where we now know that Eddie will be exploring his dating options and going out with other people?????? Are you kidding me???????????

Buck saying this while he cooks for Eddie and Chris???? While he offers food and comfort??? In a show that has consistently utilized cooking and feeding others as a clear metaphor for love and family?!?!

And they even hammer it in again!!!

“What are you offering?”

“Right now, Bobby’s famous lasagna.”

I need to talk about thisssss. Because not only have we been presented with the idea of food as love and nurturing but also cooking as personal growth, about learning to nurture yourself and others and getting out of the darkness. Think about Bobby after joining the 118. But also think about Maddie being impressed by Buck “growing up” represented by Buck having learned cooking skills from Bobby. Think about Eddie going to therapy and swapping recipes with Linda and learning to be better and look after himself after getting chewed off by his dad for burning breakfast for his mom and sisters.

What Buck is offering is his own growth as a person. Is saying “I’ve put myself back together”. It’s saying “I’ve been working on myself for five years to become a better man”. It’s saying “it’s taken me several tries but I’m finally getting there.”

And of course after all that it’s when we go fully into the couch metaphor. It’s hard to say much about this dialogue that hasn’t been said before, but mostly I want to highlight that, for Buck, this metaphor is tightly tied to romantic relationships. “My last two couches came with girlfriends” and “maybe I don’t want to pick the wrong couch again”. But it’s also the fact that Buck picks his chair to take the couch’s spot for now. That is Buck. Buck being single.

The whole metaphor could’ve simply been about Buck realizing he doesn’t need a relationship to define him and who he is and that he should choose his own path and create a space in his home for himself. But if that was the case he would’ve just bought a couch for himself. The single chair represents his single path at the moment. The couch will be a romantic metaphor.

All of this to say that it’s absolutely unhinged that this is the last shot of Eddie we see in 6a.

And this comes after a) Buck called to give them the baby news, b) Eddie looked less than pleased at the reveal, c) Eddie hung up saying he was gonna try to get some sleep before taking Chris to school.

Except we see him drop the controller here. So he clearly kept playing. Even though he looked quite frustrated there. Fighting with himself. Anyway clearly something was bothering him.

What’s insane to me is that we cut immediately from this shot to Buck sleeping and the whole baby onesie shot. And I don’t think it could be any more obvious that we are meant to connect these two dots. Especially when we see them in the same montage as Henren and Maddnie sleeping together on their respective beds. And we know Buck’s whole donor thing was partly motivated by other things, like his need to be useful to others and save everyone, but also his eternal search for family and perhaps a call to fatherhood (even though he’s clearly not struggling with separating the idea as everyone expected).

Anyway, I do think having Eddie sleep on his couch rather than his bed was certainly A CHOICE. and it feels even more obvious when we know what happens in 6b.

I love that the Buckley’s brought up Buck’s lack of couch an episode before. HEY REMEMBER THIS? And it’s so much A Thing that we see that even Maddie gets it.

Which is so important considering the very. next. episode. we are going to get the most obvious callback to this metaphor in the shape of Buck finally finding rest and peace at Eddie’s couch?!?!?!

THEY ARE SO UNHINGED FOR THIS

And then they go as far as to have Buck point out “how did I pass out so fast?”

Like boyyyyyy you’re this 🤏🏽 close to figuring it out!!!!!!!

Anyway I cannot WAIT to see how they bring it up again and how Margaret’s couch finds its demise and especially knowing Buck’s very last scene of the season will touch back on the metaphor.

It will be so insane if they actually pull this off!!!!!!!

[shes-a-badkid]

I finally finished season 7 of 911 and I have things that I need to happen in season 8.

I’m gonna go by character and then just things I want to happen so strap in if you want to read my nonsense-

•Bobby- has this man ever ACTUALLY gone to real therapy? We’ve seen him talk to his priest and go to his meetings and that’s great, but like go to see a certified therapist. Please. I am actually begging.

•Athena- speaking of therapy… I love mom and dad, but I think they may need some marriage counseling. Just a tune up. (Because I don’t think mom here has ever talked about all of her trauma either, maybe even less than captain dad over there)

•May- I just want to see more of May. I miss her

•Hen and Karen- I need Henren to team up and take down the bitch. I don’t know how, but I need it. My heart says they call up Taylor and help her expose her abuse of power. (I don’t care what anyone says- I love Taylor) And I need them to get Mara back.

•Eddie- THERAPY! So much therapy. Solo therapy, family therapy, therapy that specializes in ptsd, maybe even therapy that specializes in religious issues… also please, we are all begging you to come out of the closet. And once you do, I do want Buddie to happen, but I kind of want Eddie to have his gay hot boy summer.

•Chris- honestly, I want this boy to stay mad for a bit. He deserves it. But I also want him to realize that his grandparents are toxic. Like maybe he realizes that, comes home, but he’s still mad and it SHOWS. Then, Eddie and him go to therapy. Maybe he vents to Buck and Buck is like trying to be neutral.

•Buck- I want him to move in with Eddie to help him not totally spiral (maybe that’s the catalyst for Tommy and him breaking up), and maybe he lets Bobby and Athena stay in his loft until they find a place. Other than that, he is doing surprisingly well and that frightens me for him…. Ooohh maybe, while Eddie is having his gay hot boy summer he gets all flustered and jealous and finally realizes he’s in love with Eddie.

•Chimney and Maddie- They need to continue to be happy and beautiful and adorable. Maybe we get another Madney baby. But, they can just continue with the good, happy married vibes.

•Ravi- just give me Ravi main. I will pay you. PLEASE. Just give it to me. And a Ravi Begins episode

•Gerard- I, personally, would love to see the team drive this man into an insane asylum or a grave. Just saying

-NOW- general things I want to happen

•Bottle episode- full episode at the station, no calls. Just silly station antics. Maybe someone is keeping a secret and this is when it all comes out. I saw someone talk about this in regards to Buddie- like they just go together and are kind of just seeing how it goes still and keeping it on the down low and they keep almost getting caught like holding hands or stuff like that and they make it through the whole slow shift and JUST as they are leaving they think they make it and they go to get into like Bucks jeep or whatever and they just barely kiss thinking no one sees except like everyone of course sees they just don’t know it and that’s how the episode ends. I don’t remember who it was but I would love that episode. Plus I just love a bottle episode.

•another good Chimney/Karen bonding moment. Like it was so cute and funny when they got drunk together when they thought Hen was up to something

•any scene with Maddie and Eddie together actually speaking to one another. I would love it if Maddie straight up calls Eddie out about his crush on Buck, but that’s just me

•Bobby having a friend that isn’t his wife or team. I know why the actor playing Michael is gone and that whole issue, but I miss their friendship/chemistry. His team (especially Buck) are most like his kids. He needs someone he can get into shenanigans with again

•more Buck/Hen scenes. We deserve them. They always have such cute scenes and we need more

•Chimney making fun of Eddie’s mustache

[buddiedreams]

strange look on his face | a buddie fic

read here on ao3

Summary: Eddie deals with the aftermath of Christopher's departure and a realization he wasn't expecting.

Warnings/Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Feelings Realization, Pining Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Pre-Relationship Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, POV Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Eddie Diaz Loves Evan "Buck" Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley is Christopher Diaz's Parent, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz First Kiss, First Kiss, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Gay Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Bisexual Evan "Buck" Buckley, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Christopher Diaz is a Sweetheart, Evan "Buck" Buckley Acting as Christopher Diaz's Parental Figure

Christopher has been gone for three and a half weeks when Eddie finally realizes. He’s been through six sessions of therapy with Frank, but it’s not Frank that makes it finally click in his head. It’s the most insanely mundane thing Eddie’s ever seen Buck do, and it hits him like a fucking freight train.

Buck is just sitting on the end of the couch, folding a load of his and Eddie’s laundry, grinning down at his phone. He’s texting Chris, Eddie knows—he’d asked with a strange pit in his stomach when he first noticed, thinking he was talking to Tommy and dreading the answer. Until Buck had looked at him, fondness so clear in his eyes that if Eddie wasn’t already sitting down, his knees would have buckled, and admits that he’s talking to Christopher. Eddie doesn’t even have to ask for Buck to explain that Chris was talking about going horse riding with his cousins, and how he was complaining that his grandparents didn’t want him to go. Buck gently admits that he’d told Christopher to be nice but to explain to them that he knows his own limitations and he needs them to trust that he’s being honest with them, and Chris had texted back to thank Buck for the advice and send a picture of the horse he was going to be riding.

It’s so stupid. Buck has been basically co-parenting Chrisopher with him for years, and this is what does it? Sure, Buck generally defers to Eddie’s judgment regarding Christopher, and Eddie’s always the one to dole out punishments in the rare circumstance that Chris needs one, but for all intents and purposes, Buck is Christopher’s other dad. Maybe it’s the combination of things he’s been talking with Frank about, or maybe it’s just watching Buck help to shape the confidence of his son, but it finally clicks into place in his brain and he draws in a sharp breath. It feels like a monumental shift and no shift at all, how much he loves Buck. How much he’s in love with Buck. Eddie’s sure Buck could see his frantic heartbeat in his neck if he looked over, but he’s focused on his conversation with their son, and all Eddie wants to do is cry. He’s not even sure why. He’s just so fucking overwhelmed that he rattles off a quiet explanation of going to the bathroom and all but flees from the room.

They have a shift in two hours, so he gives himself five minutes to freak the hell out before splashing some cold water on his face and taking a few deep breaths to collect himself. He can keep it together. He can. He’s apparently been in love with his best friend this entire time, just because he realizes it now doesn’t mean anything has to change. He’ll just… unpack this with Frank in therapy and then push it back into the box before he has to hang out with Buck again. Easy.

He lasts about ten minutes, which he thinks is actually fairly good. Buck has his head thrown back, laughing at something in the show he’s watching, and Eddie can’t help but stare. He’s seen Buck before, but it’s like he’s suddenly seeing him in a new light. Like he’s finally giving himself permission to look, which he absolutely should not be doing, but he can’t tear his eyes away. He’d always known objectively that Buck was beautiful, hell, he got hit on all the time on calls and when they went out, it’s not exactly a surprise to Eddie, but the sudden tightness in his jeans is a much bigger surprise than he’s ready for. He can’t pull his eyes away from Buck’s lips, the lines of his throat, and can’t help but wonder what that would feel like around his cock.

Holy shit, he needs the coldest shower on the planet right now. Instead, he shuffles just a little to relieve some of the pressure on his aching dick and focuses his attention on whatever show Buck is currently invested in, letting himself get distracted enough that he’s mostly okay once they head out for work.

He makes it through a couple hours of their shift without incident, until Tommy shows up to have dinner with them. Buck looks surprised and a little annoyed—what the fuck is that about—so Eddie assumes he hadn’t been invited, but it still makes him nauseous. He takes his normal seat on Buck’s left and sees Tommy giving him a weird look before taking the seat on Buck’s right.

Much to Eddie’s delight, Buck spends most of dinner chatting with the table at large, or tilting his phone so Eddie can see the pictures Chris is sending of himself and his cousins around a backyard campfire, sticky with marshmallow and grinning at the camera. It makes Eddie’s chest ache, in a good and bad way. He’s happy that Chris is having fun—he’d been able to admit that much to Frank too, which Frank had seemed impressed by—but Eddie can’t help but feel like he’s back in the army, missing his kid growing up. He knows it’s only for the summer, and that Christopher rightfully needed some space, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. Honestly, he thinks it stings more because he’d assumed that if Chris ran to anyone, it would be Buck. That Buck would have been the one looking after Christopher for the summer, that Eddie would still at least be in the same city as his kid. Not that it would have worked out anyway, since Buck offered the loft to Bobby and Athena after the fire, but it doesn’t make Eddie any less annoyed by the situation. His relationship with his parents has been getting better, marginally, but it’s like all of his worst fears coming true. They have Christopher now, and Eddie just has to trust that he’s going to come home at the end of the summer. It’s nerve wracking.

Buck walks Tommy out after dinner, and Eddie catches Tommy leaning in to kiss Buck, and in the back of his brain, he just wants. He wants Buck’s lips on his, wants to grab every part of skin he can reach, wants to lose himself in his best friend. And then his brain—his raised very Catholic brain—screeches to a halt as he realizes the implications.

He’s never been particularly religious, but he was raised in a Catholic household, so he’s still got some of the lingering ideas fighting for space in his brain, clearly. The particular one that’s bugging him right now is the one that reminds him that it’s a sin to be gay, to lust after another man. And while Eddie’s mostly able to reject it, since he sort of thinks it’s all bullshit anyway, there’s a piece of him that closes in on itself, and it makes his skin crawl. Normally, he’d talk to Buck about it, but that’s out of the question since he’d have to admit to the revelation he’s recently had, so Eddie turns to where Bobby is washing the dishes from dinner. It takes him all of three seconds to decide, and then he’s crossing the length of the loft to grab a towel and start drying.

Bobby glances at him but doesn’t say anything, which Eddie is incredibly grateful for. It takes him a couple of minutes of drying and putting the dishes away to collect himself and figure out exactly what the fuck he wants to ask, and how to ask it.

“Hey, Cap, you’re Catholic, right?”

Bobby turns to raise an eyebrow at him. “Yes. Is that what you came over to ask me?”

Eddie snorts. “Uh, not exactly. I—well, it’s sort of… complicated? I think I realized something about myself and, you know, I don’t know if I believe in that or not, but I grew up Catholic, so it’s still kind of, uh, infecting me I guess?” Eddie pauses, eyes widening in panic as he realizes what he’s just said. “Not that being Catholic is a bad thing! I just meant, you know, I don’t know if I agree with everything they teach, not that they’re bad people or something—” He stops when Bobby, chuckling to himself, puts a wet hand on his forearm and squeezes gently.

“Eddie, you don’t need to apologize to me. Faith isn’t for everyone, I know that. It’s helped me through some tough times, and it’s something that I think I’ll always hold space for because of that, but I don’t care what other people think of it. Besides, I don’t agree with everything the church teaches, either.” Bobby meets his eyes meaningfully, raising an eyebrow. “Particularly that they’re so unwelcoming to the queer community.”

Eddie swallows. “Right. So, um, I guess I was just sort of wondering about… confession? I haven’t been since I was a teenager, but I thought that it might… I don’t know, make me feel better about everything, I guess? But I don’t have a church I go to, so I figured maybe I should ask you. ”

Bobby raises an eyebrow at him. “Confession? Do you think you’ve done something that requires confession?”

Eddie bites his lip, resisting the sudden and overwhelming urge to look around and find Buck’s gaze. “I… I don’t know. Maybe? I just—I didn’t think it would matter to me but it sort of just hit me? My parents are God-fearing Texans, y’know, so…I guess it became part of my foundation when I was growing up?”

Bobby nods his understanding, taking the towel from Eddie to dry his own hands. “Sure, I can send you the address. But just so we’re on the same page? Not everything the Catholic church teaches is right, and you shouldn’t believe a lot of it. Especially when it makes you feel bad about parts of who you are. Okay?”

Eddie wants to throw up and also hug Bobby, and he isn’t quite sure which is going to win out, so he dries his own hands off and nods, shooting Bobby a small smile before whispering his thanks and heading off to finish up his chores.

They have almost nonstop calls until the end of their shift, so Eddie doesn’t even really get enough time to decide if he wants to try going to Bobby’s church or not. By the time he finally walks out of the station, a full two hours after his shift was supposed to end, he’s still not sure it’ll help, but it can’t hurt, surely, so he plugs the address into his GPS and heads directly there. He’s far too pent up from… well, everything, he wouldn’t be able to sleep even if he wanted to. Besides, there might not be anyone there to begin with. It’s after 10pm when he gets there, so he’s not expecting a whole hell of a lot when he steps through the surprisingly still unlocked front doors.

The church beyond the doors is silent and empty, at least from what Eddie can see. It’s just like the church he remembers at home—huge and overwhelming and uninviting—and it makes his chest go tight. He thinks about just turning around and going home, but he knows he’s going to lay in bed for hours trying to sleep, thinking about how he should have just checked to see if anyone was here. He sucks in a breath, sending a quick text to Buck to let him know he’ll be home late, and wanders inside.

It’s bigger than he was expecting, although that’s how almost everything in LA is, so he shouldn’t be surprised at this point. He still doesn’t see anyone, not that he’d really know where to look, but he’s already come this far. He settles into one of the pews near the altar, hands clasping together between his knees automatically. He thinks about praying, but he’s really not sure what that would even do for him, or what he would say, and the thought of doing it makes his skin crawl just a little bit. He ends up just sitting quietly, trying to sort through the thoughts whizzing through his head and organize them into some semblance of a plan, some direction to go from here.

“Can I help you?”

Eddie startles at the voice, turning to find a priest watching him. “Oh, uh. Maybe. I don’t—this isn’t really my thing.”

The priest smiles gently, nodding to the spot next to Eddie. Eddie nods back, scooting over just a bit to make more room for him to sit. “So what brings you here so late, if it’s not really your thing?”

Eddie clears this throat, squeezing his hands tightly. “I, um. I think I might be in love with my best friend.” He doesn’t want to look, but the priest doesn’t say anything after a while, so Eddie glances over at him. He’s just waiting with an eyebrow raised. “He, uh… he’s a man,” Eddie adds, preparing for the worst.

Except, it doesn’t come. The expression on the priest’s face doesn’t change, which is… confusing. Although, Bobby had sent him here after his rather pointed comment about the queer community, so maybe…

“I know most churches within Catholicism will tell you that’s a problem, but we don’t believe that here. For what it’s worth, as someone who has studied the Bible, I think they’re wrong anyway. The most common quote people use is wildly misused.”

Eddie blinks. “The don’t lay with another man one?”

The priest nods. “It comes from Leviticus, which explains the rules God laid down for Moses’ people. It’s been passed down for centuries, like a game of telephone, and most people disregard a lot of the things in that book anyway. It instructs us to kill adulterers, tell us where to buy slaves from, not to eat anything from the water if it doesn’t have fins and scales. A lot of it is commonly disregarded, and yet it’s used to isolate a community that just wants to practice their faith like the rest of us.”

Eddie swallows, his throat suddenly too tight. “So… it’s not… I’m not… I don’t even think I believe in Hell, actually. I don’t even really know what I’m doing here.”

The priest smiles. “Did you grow up Catholic?”

Eddie nods. “Sunday school and everything, yeah. Stopped going once I got my girlfriend pregnant, mostly because my parents were embarrassed and didn’t want me around for people to gossip about, but I honestly didn’t really care that we stopped going. I used to just zone out for mass anyway, I just never really cared about it. Never… connected with it, or whatever.” He feels like an idiot saying all of that to a priest, but he’s already here. Might as well do something to try to sort through his feelings, and there’s no way Frank was going to take his call at ten at night.

“That’s understandable. A lot of people who grow up in a faith-based family struggle, especially in their adult life. Faith is an intensely personal thing, and no two people worship the same. Some people don’t even worship at all, and that’s okay too. Not everyone needs to. Your faith is between you and whatever higher power you believe in, if any.”

“But that’s… is that how it works? I remember learning all the rules when I was younger, about how to act and what was… you know, okay?”

The priest hums. “Sure. Different churches have different beliefs. Honestly, beliefs even differ between priests. But I’m not going to tell you that being attracted to your male best friend is wrong, or that it’s going to damn you. Jesus taught that the most important thing was to love thy neighbor no matter what, that’s what I try to live by.”

Eddie sits back in the pew, taking a deep breath. This… isn’t what he expected. Honestly, he’d sort of expected to be told that he was an abomination and that he should leave before he burst into flames. This is the exact opposite of what he was expecting, and it’s kind of freeing. He’s not even really sure if he believes in a god, and even if he did, he doesn’t think a god would care who he decides to sleep with, but to have that reinforced by someone from the religion he was raised in? That taught him that being gay was a sin, and that there was nothing worse than being a sinner? It’s a relief.

“Tell me about him, if you think it will help.”

Eddie smiles. “He’s… he’s the best person I know. He’s been through so much and he’s still unflinchingly kind, I don’t know how he does it. He’s incredible with my son. Honestly, I think my son might like him more than he likes me. And he just fits, you know? I didn’t even realize I was in love with him until yesterday, but he’s basically been my partner for years. He helps me with my son, we spend basically all of our time together, and the house always feels so empty when he leaves. God, I just want him to stay,” Eddie finishes in a whisper, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I want him to be where he belongs, with us.”

“Have you told him that?”

Eddie shakes his head. “He’s dating someone else. I don’t… I can’t get in the way of that. I don’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I ruined a relationship he was happy in.”

The priest chuckles. “If he’s happy, you telling him won’t make any difference. Either he’ll realize that he’d rather be with you, or he’ll stay in a relationship he’s happy in.” He leans toward Eddie, a conspiratorial smile on his lips. “But just between you and me, platonic best friends don’t typically co-parent children together.”

Eddie blinks. “I… hadn’t thought about that. I just assumed he was doing it to be a nice guy, but… I don’t know, I think I might be biased? I mean, I want him there when I get home, I want him to do school pickup with me and go to parent-teacher conferences. I want to take us on family vacations and have Chris wake us up way too early on Christmas. I don’t think I can see past it now that I know, you know?”

“You might be biased, but maybe he is too. It takes two, and from what it sounds like, he’s spending just as much time with you and voluntarily helping you with your son.”

Eddie nods, running a hand through his hair. “And God’s not gonna, I don’t know, strike me down with lightning if I kiss him?”

The priest snorts. “No. I imagine God has better things to be doing.”

They sit in silence for another few minutes, until Eddie feels like he’s calmed down enough to face Buck. He murmurs a thank you toward the priest, who nods and tells him to get home safe, disappearing through a door behind the altar. Eddie clears his throat, fishing his keys out of his pocket and heading back to his truck.

Buck’s Jeep isn’t in the driveway when he gets home, which is… weird. Buck’s become much more of a homebody while Chris has been gone, although Eddie suspects that’s because he’s mostly been moping around the house and Buck has been looking after him. Still, he had expected Buck to be here when he got home, and the lack of a message or call letting Eddie know he was going elsewhere is worrisome. He opens their message thread, debating whether he should send a message, before deciding against it and switching to Find My Friends.

Eddie swallows, biting his bottom lip. He knows exactly where Buck is, because he’s been there too—Tommy’s apartment. The sight makes Eddie physically ill, so he closes out of the app and takes a deep breath that does nothing to stop the roiling in his gut. Alright, so maybe not confessing his feelings, then. He still feels like he’s bursting to talk about them, though, so he does the only logical thing he can think of—logs into the account he uses to schedule his therapy appointments and takes an open spot for tomorrow morning. They're off anyway, and he needs to get this off his chest sooner rather than later, before he does something stupid like word vomiting his feelings all over Buck.

He must’ve fallen asleep on the couch at some point after checking on Christopher through his mother, because the next thing he knows, he’s hearing keys in the front door over the sound of whatever is playing quietly on the TV. He rubs the sleep from his eyes, shutting the TV off and trying to decide if he should scurry off to his bedroom before he has to face Buck, but he doesn’t get a chance to make a decision either way before Buck’s walking inside. He’s struggling, and Eddie’s off the couch before he can even consciously think about it, taking a cardboard box from Buck’s hands with a confused look.

“My stuff from Tommy’s,” Buck says, like that explains literally anything.

“Why are you bringing your stuff back from Tommy’s?”

Buck raises an eyebrow at him. “Uh, I broke up with him? Kind of thought that would’ve been obvious since I’m lugging all my shit home. Honestly, I don’t even know how this much of my stuff ended up at Tommy’s place to begin with. I don’t think I’ve been there more than a handful of times.”

Eddie’s sure the rest of whatever Buck’s saying is important, but the only thing his brain can process at the moment is that Buck broke up with Tommy.

“You okay, Eds?”

Eddie blinks at him, plastering on a smile he hopes doesn’t look as fake as it feels, and nods. “Yeah, yeah, all good. I’m sorry about you and Tommy.”

Buck waves a hand toward the corner of the living room, so Eddie drops the box there. “It’s fine. It wasn’t gonna last anyway. He was really fucking annoying with the whole Gerard thing, and I think he mostly just tunes me out all the time anyway. I hadn’t even talked to him in, like, a week. I don’t know why he just showed up for dinner.”

Eddie blinks. “What do you mean ‘the whole Gerard thing’?”

Buck frowns at him, sitting heavily on the couch. “What do you mean, what do I mean? You were there. He was being really homophobic toward Hen, and snidely racist toward her and Chim.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “No, yeah, I know that. I meant what do you mean Tommy was annoying about it?”

“Oh. He basically told me that he dealt with Gerard for years and that I should just keep my mouth shut and do my job. I tried to get him to understand that it’s my family he’s attacking, but… I dunno. He didn’t seem to get it, and whenever I’d try to vent about it to him, he’d just pull the whole ‘should’ve just kept your mouth shut’ thing.”

Eddie frowns. “That’s… why did you let him treat you like that?”

Buck snorts. “Did you miss the part where I said I broke up with him?”

“No, I heard it, but Gerard’s been gone for two weeks. Why didn’t you break up with him before?”

“Oh, uh…” Buck rubs a hand over the back of his neck, and Eddie can see his cheeks reddening. “I actually, uh, hadn’t really seen him before now?”

Eddie blinks. Blinks again. Licks over his bottom lip and crosses his arms over his chest as he thinks back. Because he knows Buck is right. Hell, they’ve been living together for the better part of a month now, and Eddie knows that Buck has been here basically the whole time, blowing off his boyfriend to comfort Eddie. He feels less bad about it knowing that Buck was kind of avoiding Tommy anyway, but he still feels bad. He hadn’t intended to monopolize so much of Buck’s time. “Shit, because you were here. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Eddie, you didn’t do anything, okay? I was kind of done with Tommy by that point anyway, and I’d rather be with—” Buck cuts himself off, sending a panicked glance in Eddie’s direction. “Be here. Cause I know you’re having a tough time with Chris gone and honestly I miss him too, so it’s kinda nice being here. We can mope together.”

Eddie snorts. “God, aren’t we a pair of sorry bastards.”

Buck hums. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

Eddie’s pretty sure his heart has beat its way out of his body entirely. This is far too intimate for how raw he’s feeling right now, so he gives himself a minute of buffer so Buck doesn’t think he’s fleeing, and then flees to his bedroom with a mumbled goodnight. He changes into his pajamas and slips out to the bathroom to finish getting ready for bed, praying silently that Buck stays on the couch and Eddie doesn’t have another reason to swallow down his suddenly so clear feelings.

He’s exhausted when he finally gets into bed, but then his brain decides to be a traitorous asshole and give him the idea that his bed would be far more comfortable with Buck next to him in it. Eddie has the overwhelming urge to punch something, so he aggressively fluffs his own pillow, rolling over and pulling the blanket over his head.

He needs to talk to Frank, he knows that much. And Buck, probably. Although, strangely enough, Eddie doesn’t really doubt that his feelings will be returned. He has a sneaking suspicion that Buck might have just been waiting for him to catch up, which just makes him sad. What if he hadn’t ever caught up? What if he’d just married some nice girl and struggled through it, instead of the clusterfuck that led him to where he is now? He thinks he knows the answer (that Buck would have resigned himself to just being Eddie’s best friend and taken whatever scraps he could get) but it honestly just makes him feel worse about everything.

He needs to talk to Christopher.

The thought hits him like a brick to the face, because of course he needs to talk to Christopher. He hasn’t even spoken to his son since he left, only getting updates on his time in El Paso from his own mother and Buck, since Chris and Buck are still texting almost constantly. Still, if he’s… depending on what happens with Frank tomorrow, he’s going to have to suck it up and call Chris and hope to a god he probably doesn’t believe in that his son answers.

X

“I’m in love with Buck,” Eddie blurts out, less than thirty seconds into his therapy appointment. Frank has the audacity to not even look surprised, which makes Eddie scowl. He really had been the last one to catch up.

“What made you realize?”

Eddie scrubs a hand over his face, sighing. “It’s stupid.”

He hears Frank sigh and winces, already knowing the therapy speech that’s about to be leveled at him. “Eddie, there’s nothing stupid about your feelings. Where they come from may not always be logical, but the feelings themselves are worthy and you’re allowed to have them.”

He takes a sip of water, mostly for something to do, and nods. “Yeah, I know. It’s just, of all the things that could’ve clued me in, it was… basically nothing. He was just folding laundry on the couch and talking to Chris. And, yeah, he was giving Chris advice on how to handle my parents doubting his abilities, but that’s—he does that all the time, you know? Gives Chris advice, helps him work through problems. I honestly don’t know what made it click.” He lets out a long breath, clearing his throat. “I think it was just the domesticity of it all. Like we were just spending a day hanging out before work and our son was out with friends. And I just… I wanted that, you know? I want him there all the time. I want to make dinner with him and Chris and spend our days off taking him to the zoo and the science center, waking up to Buck in my arms every morning. I want to be able to not second-guess myself every time I go to touch him.”

Eddie’s breathing hard when he stops his rant, shifting uncomfortably in his chair. He doesn’t usually talk that much in therapy, and Frank seems a little surprised by his sudden outburst.

“So what’s stopping you from discussing your feelings with him?”

Eddie blows out a breath. “I… I think it’s Chris. I mean, not that I think he would be upset if I dated Buck, but I think… I think that after what happened, with Marisol a-and Kim, I don’t want to just jump into another relationship. I know I really hurt him and I want to get better for him, you know? I don’t want him to come home and I’m already dating someone else, I just… I want him to see that I’m trying to get better, and I don’t think he’ll see that if he comes back and I’m already dating someone else.”

Frank closes his notebook. “I’m impressed with your progress, Eddie. You’ve been doing well.”

Eddie blinks at him. “I… have? I don’t feel like much has changed.”

Frank smiles. “It may not feel like it, but I don’t think you registered what you just said to me.”

“What did I say?” Eddie asks, frowning as he spins his last admission around in his head.

“You told me what you want. You want Christopher to see that you’re working through your issues and improving, and that you want Buck. A month ago, you wouldn’t have said those outright. You would have danced around the admission until I pulled it out of you. I barely said anything before you were admitting your wants. That's an improvement, Eddie. It may not seem like it, but admitting that you want things is a step closer to letting yourself have the things you want.”

Eddie squirms in his seat, clearing his throat. He wants to refute it, but he knows Frank is right. He’s always struggled with wanting things for himself, especially after Christopher was born. His parents had always instilled selflessness in him, and made sure he understood that as a parent, Christopher was his priority, nothing else, even if they often disagreed about what that meant.

“I want to take Buck on dates,” Eddie whispers, eyes pointedly fixed on his hands. “I want to be able to take Buck to dinner and leave Chris with Abuela, or with his friends, and just… be with Buck. Is that awful?”

Frank sets his notebook aside, sitting forward. “No, Eddie. That’s not awful. You’re a parent, so of course Christopher is a priority, but he shouldn’t be your only priority. It’s important that you’re happy, too. We’ve discussed your affair at length, but it boils down to this: your unhappiness directly hurt your son. You were unhappy in a relationship because of your trauma regarding Shannon, which led you to make decisions that ultimately hurt Christopher. You simply returning to your sessions with me was an incredible step toward progress, and you’ve made great progress working with me. Chris will be impressed, even if it takes him some time to sort through his feelings. And, more importantly, you’ll be showing him that it’s important to make sure you are content with your life while taking care of others, that sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first. You’re a first responder, you know better than anyone. Your oxygen mask needs to be on before you help anyone else.”

Eddie nods, picking at a loose thread in his jeans.

“I do think you should call and talk to him. From what you’ve said, his anger stems from being lied to by you. I think, if you want to pursue things with Buck, you need to be upfront with Christopher about it.”

Eddie blinks, looking up at Frank. “You think he’s angry because I lied to him?”

Frank raises an eyebrow. “You think differently?”

Eddie shrugs. “I think I just assumed it was because she looked like his mom. That it brought up, y’know, unpleasant… feelings. For him.”

They talk about Eddie’s feelings with the whole thing—his unresolved feelings regarding Shannon and their relationship, and why he thought something with Kim would help fix that—and by the time he leaves, he’s absolutely drained. He’d like nothing more than to go home and crawl into bed for a nap, but… Buck’s at home. He really needs to have a conversation with Christopher, preferably without Buck in earshot, so he grabs a coffee and muffin from a nearby coffee shop and heads for the park the three of them frequent. He could probably use the fresh air anyway.

His mom picks up on the first ring, which Eddie still finds hard to believe. They’ve never talked as much as they have in the past month and Eddie appreciates it beyond belief. Chris still won’t talk to him, so he gets all his updates through Buck or his mom. He thinks he’d be going a little crazy if he wasn’t getting any at all, so as angry as he is at his parents, he’s grateful too.

He asks if Chris is around and if he’d be willing to Facetime, and much to his surprise, Chris agrees. His mom passes the phone to him and then Eddie’s laying eyes on his son for the first time in almost a month and he’s so fucking happy he could cry.

“Dad? Is everything okay?” Chris asks quietly, frowning.

Eddie chuckles wetly. “Everything’s great, mijo. I promise. I, uh, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, if you don’t mind sharing some of your time with your old man.”

Chris wrinkles his nose. “You’re not that old. What do you want to talk about?”

Eddie clears his throat, taking a sip of his coffee and setting the cup on the bench beside him. “So, we’ve talked about sexual orientation before. How Denny’s moms love each other and that’s wonderful, and how Buck might end up loving another man, or maybe a woman. You remember?”

Chris nods, pushing his glasses up as he settles onto a bed. Eddie recognizes it as his childhood bed, which brings up all sorts of feelings that he really does not want to deal with at the moment. “Yeah, Denny’s moms are lesbian and Buck said he was beesexual?”

Eddie chokes back a snort. “Bisexual, yes. So I’ve been working with Frank, do you remember him? He’s my therapist, I go to him and he helps me… sort through all the stuff in my head?”

Chris nods again. “Like when I went to see the doctor after the tsunami and they helped me talk about Mom?”

“Yeah, exactly. So Frank and I talked about it and I wanted to tell you. I’m gay.”

Chris frowns. “But you loved Mom, didn’t you?”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah, buddy. Your mom was my best friend. But I didn’t love her like Denny’s moms love each other. Does that make sense?”

Christopher’s face screws up as he thinks, then nods. “Like Harry’s dad, right? They were together but then his dad told them he was gay?”

“Exactly. I loved your mom, but more like a best friend than a partner.”

Chris nods. “So if you’re gay and Buck is bisexual, does that mean you love each other now?”

Eddie chokes back a laugh. Leave it to Chris to get straight to the point, especially when Buck is involved. “That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about, mijo. I know you’re getting older and that we can have more open discussions about these things, and I wanted to include you. I know what happened with Marisol and Kim upset you, and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

Chris looks away. “You lied to me, Dad.”

Eddie’s heart aches. All he wants to do is wrap Christopher in his arms and squeeze, but he can’t. So he settles for Frank’s suggestion and is as honest as possible instead. “You’re right, and that was wrong of me. I shouldn't have treated you like that, I’m sorry.” He lets the apology linger as he eats some of his muffin. “I wanted to know what you thought about me possibly dating Buck. I know after everything that it might bring up some complicated feelings, so if you want me to hold off on dating anyone, I absolutely will.”

Chris chews his lip. “But you’d be dating Buck? Right? Not anyone else?”

Eddie shakes his head. “No one else. I want to date Buck. I haven’t talked to him about it yet, I wanted to talk to you first.”

Chris looks away again, and Eddie hates how worried he looks. “Would he leave?” Chris whispers, glancing back at Eddie.

“Why would he leave?” Chris sniffles. Eddie wants to hug him so desperately that his hand twitches. “Chris, why do you think Buck would leave?”

“Everyone you date leaves,” Chris says quietly, averting his gaze again. Eddie’s pretty sure his heart has snapped in two.

“No, Chris. I don’t think he would leave,” Eddie says gently. “I think Buck really likes being with us, and I think he’d like to be with us even more. If we did date, I mean.”

Chris bites his lip. “Can I talk to Buck about it? After you talk to him? I want him to promise.”

Eddie blinks against the tears stinging his eyes. “Of course, mijo. I’m going to talk to him when I get home, and then we’ll both call you, okay?”

Chris nods. “Dad, do you love him?”

Eddie smiles. “Yeah, Chris. I love him a lot. Almost as much as I love you.”

Chris nods again, seemingly satisfied with that answer. “I just want you to be happy, Dad. Buck makes you happy.”

Eddie feels like his entire chest has been cracked open. “Yeah, Chris, he really does. He makes us both happy, right?”

Chris sits up quickly, eyes widening. “Wait, does this mean Buck is gonna live with us?”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Yeah, maybe in the future. I think he’ll go back to his loft when Bobby and Athena find a place to live, but we can talk about that. Do you want him to live with us?”

“Well yes, obviously! Then we could hang out all the time! It’d be like movie night every night.” He’s grinning now, which makes Eddie feel infinitely better than before. Plus, he’d like Buck there forever too, so he can’t exactly blame the kid.

“Alright. I’m gonna go home and talk to Buck. We’ll call you later, okay?”

“Okay Dad. Love you.”

Eddie smiles, taking one more look at his kid, just to reassure himself. “Love you, Chris.”

X

It’s quiet when he gets home, which is still jarring. He and Buck don’t make as much noise as a nearly-teenage boy, so the silence makes his chest ache. Still, he’s buoyed after his conversation with Chris, and he’s even whistling to himself quietly as he kicks his shoes off and sets them on the rack near the door, hanging his keys on the key rack.

“Eds? That you?”

Eddie smiles, running a hand through his hair and taking a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He’s felt off-balance since Christopher left but, even with… this whole thing looming right now, he feels more in control than he has in a while. It’s nice. “Yeah, back from therapy. Beer?”

Buck hums in the affirmative, so Eddie heads for the kitchen and grabs two out of the fridge, popping the caps off and grabbing a bag of chips. He can hear some shuffling noises in his bedroom, so he drops the beers and chips on the coffee table and heads for his bedroom. He knocks on the frame, smiling softly when he finds Buck putting laundry away.

“You don’t want to nap?” Buck asks, not even bothering to turn to look at Eddie. He looks so at home here, putting Eddie’s laundry away, and he suddenly has the overwhelming urge to take the four steps into his bedroom and kiss him.

“No,” he says finally, clearing his throat. “Session was actually… really helpful. I Facetimed with Christopher after, that’s why I’m so late getting back. I feel good. Is that silly?”

Buck turns to look at him over his shoulder, a small smile on his face. “No, it’s not silly. Took about a dozen sessions with Dr. Copeland for me, and a screaming match on the phone with my parents, but after that it really started to help, and I stopped dreading going.” He bumps the drawer closed with his hip, turning to face Eddie fully. “You Facetimed with Chris? That’s big. How did it go?”

Eddie lets out a breath, sitting heavily on the bed. “Actually pretty well, I think? He’s scared and upset but I think he’s coming around. That, uh… that actually wasn’t what I talked to him about.”

Buck sits down next to him, leaning back and raising an eyebrow. “What did you talk to him about?”

He suddenly feels like he could throw up, which is annoying. Buck’s bisexual, he’s not going to give a shit that Eddie is gay. Still, it feels like admitting it will open a door toward a relationship for them, and as much as he wants it (because he does want it, almost as much as he wants Chris back home) he’s fucking terrified. He’s pretty sure Buck feels the same way he does, and obviously he needs to confess to find out for sure, but there’s a part of his brain that’s insisting that Buck doesn’t feel that way and that his admission will ruin everything.

Buck wraps a hand around Eddie’s wrist, squeezing gently. “You okay?”

Eddie clears his throat, staring at their hands with a little bit of wonder as he finally chokes out, “I’m gay. I told him I’m gay.”

Buck’s hand tightens around his wrist, and Eddie has the desperate thought that he’d like to know how Buck’s fingers feel between his own. He hears a soft exhale beside him, but he can’t bring himself to look at Buck. He can’t see whatever’s playing out across his best friend’s face right now, or he’ll never get the rest of his confession out.

“I also asked if he would be okay if I were to… date someone. I wanted to make sure he wasn’t going to be uncomfortable with it.”

He can hear Buck swallow beside him, and he wants. He wants to just turn and kiss him until neither of them can breathe.

“O-oh. Eddie, I’m so honored that you told me,” Buck says quietly, but Eddie can tell he’s holding back. Waiting for the rest of whatever Eddie has to tell him. “Who, uh. Who did you ask him about dating?”

Eddie swallows past the knot in his throat, sucking in a sharp breath as he forces himself to turn his head and look at Buck. He’s fucking terrified, but he needs to see Buck’s reaction, good or bad. Buck’s already looking at him, a mixture of fear and hope swirling in his eyes. It’s enough to push the words out of Eddie’s mouth. “You. I asked him about dating you,” he manages, eyes locked on Buck’s face for any sort of reaction.sa

He feels like he waits for hours, but then Buck’s mouth is tipping up into a sunny grin and Eddie feels like he could float.

“God, you have no idea how badly I was hoping you’d say that,” Buck murmurs, slipping his hand down to intertwine their fingers. “Before I—what did Chris say?”

Eddie laughs. “He asked if you were gonna live with us forever, cause that meant basically every night was movie night. And that he was okay with it, but only if it was you. And he wanted to talk to you about it, so we’ll have to call him later.”

Buck grins. “God, I love that kid.” He squeezes Eddie’s hand as Eddie laughs in disbelief.

“Have we really been this stupid? We could’ve just… been together this whole time?”

Buck hums, thumb swiping over the back of Eddie’s hand. He doesn’t even think Buck realizes he’s doing it. “You know, when I broke up with Tommy, he asked if it was because of you.”

Eddie blinks, meeting Buck’s gaze. “Me? Why?”

Buck snorts. “Eddie… it wasn’t Tommy’s attention I was trying to get.”

“Oh,” he mumbles, looking down at their joined hands. “You wanted my attention?”

“I always want your attention,” Buck confirms, giving Eddie’s hand another squeeze. “And I want to date you. If that wasn’t clear. I mean, fuck, Eddie, I’d marry you tomorrow if you asked me to.”

Eddie’s head snaps up, meeting Buck’s gaze. There’s a fondness in his eyes that Eddie has seen directed at him before, but it’s… has he really missed it this whole time? God, if he’d just realized what he had in front of him, maybe he could have avoided this whole mess. He wants to dissuade Buck, explain that he’s a walking nightmare right now and that no one in their right mind should date him, but he doesn’t. He can’t. Instead, he bites his lip and whispers, “can I kiss you?”

Buck doesn’t even bother verbally answering. His free hand cups Eddie’s cheek and then he’s leaning in slowly, clearly giving Eddie enough time to back off if he wants to. He doesn’t. Buck’s lips are on his in half a breath, and he feels like his heart might beat straight out of his chest. He’s always been sort of indifferent to kissing, but this… Buck’s mouth on his is really something else. He needs more of it. He drops Buck’s hand, reaching out to grab his waist and pull him closer. Buck huffs a laugh against his lips, but seems to get the memo, shuffling closer until their legs are pressed together. Buck’s hands are so gentle on his face, and Eddie’s not exaggerating when he says it’s the best kiss he’s ever had.

He’s not sure how long they sit there, just reveling in the fact that they get to kiss now, but at some point they’d shuffled so that Buck was comfortably straddling Eddie’s lap. Eddie’s hands are under Buck’s shirt, tracing the miles of warm skin beneath. They’re mostly just stupidly grinning at each other now, but it’s fucking incredible. They’ll have to move at some point, Eddie is sure, but that’s for later Eddie to deal with. There’s nowhere else in the world he’d rather be right now.

X

They Facetime Chris a couple of hours later, and Chris is beyond ecstatic. He wastes no time asking Buck to move in permanently, and Eddie even manages to agree, saying that maybe he should just stay. Buck stares at him, and Eddie gives him a soft smile and a shrug.

“You basically live here anyway, Buck,” he murmurs, brushing a hand through his curls. They’re soft, free of product since they’re off today, and Buck leans into the touch. “Besides, with the housing market like it is? Who knows how long Bobby and Athena will need your loft?”

Buck bites his lip. “A-are you sure? I mean, it’s a big step, isn’t it? Moving in?”

Eddie snorts, and he can see Chris roll his eyes on Buck’s phone screen. “Buck, I don’t really think anything would be a big step for us at this point. Like I said, you basically live here anyway. Even before you gave Bobby and Athena your loft, you had two drawers in my dresser and a chunk of clothes in my closet. We keep all of your favorite foods in stock, and you cook dinner here most nights. You even brought your own pillow over because you stayed here enough to complain about the shi—bad couch pillows.”

Chris laughs. “Heard that! Swear jar, Dad!”

Eddie rolls his eyes, but smiles and drops a dollar into the jar on the coffee table. “Honestly, it would probably make more sense anyway,” he continues, hand absently carding through Buck’s hair. “We’d be able to see you all the time, we can just carpool to work. I know Chris would love to have you here.” He drops his voice lower, murmuring, “I’d get to wake up with you in the mornings.”

Buck blinks quickly, eyes watery. “I-I would love that. I just don’t want to mess this—us—up.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Buck, you could never mess us up. Okay? After everything we’ve been through together? An earthquake, a tsunami, me being buried underground, you being struck by lightning? God couldn’t tear us apart even if He wanted to,” Eddie says with a grin, pulling Buck into a kiss.

“Ewww! Oh no, wait, you’re going to do this all the time now, aren’t you? What have I done?”

Buck huffs a laugh, settling against Eddie’s side as they both turn back to Christopher. “Sure are, bud. You wanted this!”

Christopher pouts, but Eddie can see right through it. He knows his son well enough to know how excited he is. “I know, but I didn’t think about you guys kissing all the time! You’re gonna be so gross!”

Eddie grins. “Well, as your parents, I’m pretty sure it’s our job to be gross.” He can feel Buck stiffen against him and drops a gentle kiss to his forehead, whispering, “you are his parent, Buck. Have been for a while.”

Chris clears his throat, so Eddie turns his attention back to Buck’s phone. “I want to stay for two more weeks. My cousins are going to a summer camp then, so if that’s okay, I’ll come back then?”

Eddie sags with relief, draping his arm around Buck’s shoulders. “Of course, bud. You know you don’t have to come back then if you don’t want to, right?”

Christopher nods. “I know. But I know you only lied to me because you were hurting. I’m still mad about it.”

“You’re allowed to be mad about it, mijo, okay? I know I really hurt you, and I’m sorry. I never should have let things get so… twisted up. I should have gone back to Frank as soon as I realized just how deeply everything was affecting me. I can’t go back and fix it, but I can promise you that I’ll do my best to be honest with you from now on, and I’ll keep working through things with Frank.”

Chris nods again, hugging a pillow to his chest. “Thank you.”

Buck smiles and presses a kiss to his temple. “I’m proud of you, Eds.”

They chat quietly for a little while longer, Eddie tucked into Buck’s side as they listen to Chris fill them in on all the fun things he’s been doing over the summer. Eddie’s warm and comfortable and his son will be back home in two weeks, and Buck will move in, and everything will be as it should. He smiles to himself, sitting up to press a kiss to Buck’s cheek and wrap an arm around his middle.

It was a pain in the ass getting here, but here is pretty damn good.

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

Humbly here to request my weekly sentences :)

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟

❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ I am SO intrigued by this idea

YAY!

45 for 🧟:

---

“It looked like a singular flashlight,” Maddie explains. 

���Maybe it’s just someone looking around,” Hen says. 

Because she hopes. Because she worries about the alternative. Because she needs for there not to be a threat to her son.

“Right, yeah,” Maddie nods. “Like a scavenger. Or a traveler. I’ve been there.”

“We don’t know,” Bobby decides. “And we’re not going to panic until we do. A handful of us can go scouting tomorrow.”

Hen is almost certain that includes her. Good. She’ll make sure Karen stays behind with Denny, where it’s safe. 

“Sounds like a plan,” Karen says. 

“I’ll take the first stakeout shift,” Bobby announces.

“I’ll join you,” Athena offers. 

“I appreciate that,” Bobby replies. 

And that’s that. It’s settled. They have a plan. 

Having a plan always makes Hen feel better. Not totally better, but less bad. The worst is being in a predicament and not knowing what next move to make. At least this isn’t that. Yet. 

But, still… Hen would be lying if she said she gets much sleep that night. 

September 8th, 2018

Denny is overflowing with joy in the morning. A few days of playing with boys his own age and he’s pretty much descended into being a total rascal. But compared to a child that only had adults for company and seemed a bit too old for his age, Hen will take a bit of  mischief and silliness any day. 

“What if something terrible happens?” Hen asks her wife quietly as they get ready for the day. “Denny is finally getting to be a normal kid.”

“I don’t know if this is normal,” Karen says, looking across the room to where Denny and Christopher are playing Connect 4. “But, yeah… I know. I can’t stop thinking, Eddie left his kid here. He trusted Maddie and all of us. Now what if when he gets back…”

God, Hen hadn’t even considered that. 

“I hope they get back soon,” Hen mumbles. “We could use numbers and weapons on our side, just in case.”

---

60 for ❄️:

---

Basically, Eddie can’t be blamed for any of this. He’s free of guilt. He didn’t mean to… Well, do anything. 

Really, all he wanted to do was be less of a fucking mess. 

i.

“I think group therapy would benefit you,” Frank says, one session in late June. 

Christopher is still gone and Gerrard is still captain and life still pretty much sucks. Every day just feels like an endless loop of fucking shit. 

“You firing me, Frank?” Eddie asks. “Took you longer than expected, actually.”

Eddie’s been doing that a lot lately. The whole sarcasm thing. More than usual. And not just to Frank. He’s even begun to make tiny, biting comments in Buck’s direction. Which is completely unfair of him because all Buck is doing is supporting him. Just… Well, sometimes Eddie doesn’t know what else to say when… When things are brought up. 

Frank smiles patiently. “I think group therapy would benefit you, in addition to our sessions together.”

Eddie blinks. “Twice the amount of therapy? Extra people? I don’t know.”

Frank nods. “Yeah, it’s not most people’s favorite idea at first. But the feedback is usually pretty good.”

“Why would I need a group?” Eddie asks. “These problems… They’re pretty specific to me.”

Though, if Frank can point him in the direction of a support group for people who have encountered eerie clones of their dead spouses, Eddie will shut his damn mouth and get going. If this is a recurring thing for people, that’s just insane. Eddie will gladly join that class action lawsuit against god or the universe or whatever Buck would interpret it as. 

“Not all of what we’ve talked about is specific to you, Eddie,” Frank says. “A lot of people struggle with-”

“But isn’t everything with Chris and Kim and all that the most pressing thing?” Eddie interrupts. “That’s what I need to solve first.”

“It all helps, Eddie. We’ve talked about this. You being in a better, more open and accepting place with yourself? That will help with the rest.”

Eddie groans a little. It all sounds so counterintuitive. Even though Eddie knows he’s probably right. Why should he get to work on accepting and loving himself, when the consequences of his actions are still hurting his son? Keeping him away from home? He shouldn’t get to be happy right now. 

But the thing is, Eddie made a promise. To Buck, first. The night Christopher left. More than that, though, to himself. He’s going to trust the process. Therapy. The whole nine yards. He’s not going to let this destroy him. 

[chronicowboy]

It's a couple of months after his breakdown when Eddie comes home from therapy to a suspiciously quiet house. Luckily, he and Frank had spent the session working on his anxiety, so he takes a deep breath and begins listing all the things Buck and Christopher could be doing as he goes in search for them.

They could be asleep on the couch, it wouldn't be the first time the early birds had crashed midday from fun, but Eddie finds the couch empty as soon as the thought forms. They could be doing homework at the table, drawing more hearts or puzzling over algebra equations, but the table is empty of its usual clutter. They could be eating in the kitchen, unlikely as neither of them have ever let mouths full of food stop them from chattering away, and he's proven right at a barren kitchen.

The panic rises and crests in his chest like a wave, but he takes another deep breath, reminds himself that the safest place in the world for Christopher is Buck's side.

They could be in the yard tending to their little vegetable garden, but Eddie peeks out to lonely tomato plants swaying in the gentle summer breeze. They could be rearranging Christopher's room again, possibly side-tracked by Christopher's old drawings or Lego creations, but the room is exactly as he'd left it this morning.

Its when Eddie presses his forehead into the doorframe to ground himself that he hears it. A sniffle coming from beyond the cracked bathroom door.

"Okay, buddy," that's Buck's voice, soft and unendingly gentle in a way that makes something behind Eddie's sternum pulse and ache. Eddie drifts towards it, helpless to resist the pull.

"Are you sure we shouldn't wait for dad?" Chris asks, voice a little shaky however it is when he's just finished crying. The wave of panic crests again, but Eddie nudges the door open and the wave collapses into foam.

Christopher is perched on the closed toilet, both legs of his jeans rolled up to above his scraped knees, eyes wide and trusting despite his words. And Buck. Buck is crouched in front of him with the first aid kit open at his feet and an expression so tender it takes Eddie's breath away.

"We can, if you want," Buck concedes, trying and failing to conceal just the slightest bit of hurt. Eddie sees it as he sees the guilt lining the tense line of Buck's shoulders, as he sees the anguish swimming in Buck's own teary eyes. "But I specialise in scratches." He grins, wide and way too bright for the fluorescent lights of the bathroom to compete. He lowers his voice, winks, "its all Hen and Chim trust me with on the job."

Christopher's hiccupping giggle is the best sound Eddie has ever heard. And, judging by the way Buck looks up at Chris like the sound fell from heaven, he agrees. Eddie couldn't tear his eyes away if he wanted to. Not with the way Buck looks kneeling in front of his son, like this is some sort of worship and penance all at once, eyes softer than Eddie has ever seen them.

"Okay, superman," Buck cups the back of Christopher's shin with hands so big his fingers could meet around his leg, with hands so gentle Eddie has the fleeting desire to feel them on himself. "Doesn't look like there's anything in there, but I'm gonna pour a bit of water over them first to wash anything away. Does that sound okay?"

"Yeah," Chris nods solemnly, and Buck smiles up at him as he reaches for the cup on the sink.

Carefully, Buck pours a cup of water over both scrapes, stopping every time Chris so much as twitches, and Eddie aches. He dries them off with a clean towel, gentler still than Eddie knew a human of Buck's size could be, then reaches for the alcohol-free wipes.

"Okay, I'm gonna make sure they're super clean," Buck murmurs, side-profile illuminated by the afternoon light cutting through the bathroom window, angelic and divine. Eddie has the insane urge to pull his phone out and capture the moment forever. "It might be a little sore, so just tell me if you need to stop." Chris nods again, and Buck uses his free hand to grab Christopher's and drop it onto his curls. "Squeeze as tight as you like, and, if I'm too rough, give me a tug in revenge."

Eddie can't decide which is more beautiful: Christopher's laugh or the smile it provokes in Buck. Both of them are bright and joyful things that make Eddie want to fall to his knees in his own kind of worship. He watches as Buck starts wiping away at the scratches, slow and soft and oh so tender it hurts Eddie himself. Chris waits patiently, bravely until Buck drops one wipe and then tugs on his hair.

"Ow!" Buck yelps, pouting up at Christopher who shakes with silent laughter. "What was that for?" When the only answer is a bubbling laugh, Buck's face twitches into a grin like he just can't help it. Eddie understands, doesn't think there's anything more contagious than Buck and Christopher's joy. "Knee number two, no tugging please, sir." And Eddie thinks that some people might forget to be so gentle after that, but Buck only gets more so.

He drops the wipes into the trash before grabbing a gauze pad and pressing it to Christopher's knee. He waits for a beat or two, undoubtedly watching for blood that might soak through even though the wipes came away mostly clean. Buck tapes the edges down and then moves onto the second knee.

And, look, Eddie knows Buck is a first responder, has seen and treated worse than this on a daily basis, but the ease with which he treats Christopher makes Eddie's stomach clench. Especially, when Buck absently rubs his thumbs over the skin of Christopher's legs like its as natural as breathing.

"Almost done," Buck whispers before leaning down to leave a big, smacking kiss on each bandage. Eddie aches. "There we go, now they'll heal faster and you can go back to being superman in no time."

"Thanks, Buck." Chris leans forward for a hug, and Buck catches him effortlessly.

Eddie watches the guilt creep into Buck's expression as he squeezes his eyes shut and turns his face into Christopher's hair. When Buck takes a deep breath, Eddie copies him and tries not to get too flustered when Buck's worried eyes flutter open and land on him. A few months ago, Eddie would've shuttered, would have wiped his face clean of the dizzyingly intense array of emotions on display. But now, Eddie lets Buck see, lets him see that he's not in trouble, that Eddie is so grateful for him it hurts, lets him see the admiration and the softness, lets him see the overwhelming love Eddie feels for him right then and there, always and anywhere.

Buck lets Eddie see it all too.

[diazpatcher]

7x09 my thoughts

"my resignation" WHAT BOBBY WHAT. this man needs extensive therapy bc why does he think he doesn't deserve good things.😭

Athena being the supportive wife she is. "Walking away from the 118" THOSE ARE YOUR KIDS

Edmundo noches is at it, with his ex dead wife's doppelganger 💀 the date is waaaaaaaaaaay to romantic for 2 people who aren't an official item.

Eddie baby no, you're not only emotionally cheating you are full on cheating bro 😭💀 pls let her be part of his mental breakdown.

Athena fighting for bobby even when bobby doesn't want to anymore:( Athena is such a great wife I can't fucking handle it.

Finally they talk about Bobby's struggles, of balancing his past and his present and the guilt he has😭 as much as I want retirement for the Grant-Nashes I don't want Bobby to leave 😭

Bobby is straight up evil, he wants to retire and before he does so, he takes care of every single person in his team "they're not the only kids you're raising Mother Hen"😭

BUCK is the Chef😭 BRO THE WAY HES ACTING MAKES ME THINK HES GONNA DIE😭

Buck and Eddie cooking together😭

Buck looking at Bobby the way a kid looks at their dad waiting for praise 😭 im not okay bro that whole sequence fucked me over. BOBBY😭 7 years😭 "here's to seven more" 😭 Their father son relationship makes me want to chew on glass 😭😭😭 "it's been my pleasure kid"

BUCK MEETS THE DOUBLE, OMG. THE WAY HIS FACE FELL😭 He is so fucking funny I can't 😭OH OH BUCK IS MAD. He used the Back door💀😭 The way he's trying to figure out if Marisol is still around lmao😭 "Eddie who's kim" HILARIOUS ACTUALLY. "Marisols my girlfriend, she just a friend" "a friend who's a dead wringer for your dead wife' OKAY BUCK😭 Buck has healed he is ready to confront and pull Eddie out of his ass. The way Eddie is trying to justify his actions, "does this poor woman know thay she is a carbon copy of your dead wife"

"Im worried about you" HUSBAND BEHAVIOUR 😭😭😭

The kids🥺🥺😭 Wilson-Han family is so special to me❤️ Chim knowing something is wrong with Bobby!!!

I knew that the Council woman was gonna be a bitch. I knew it.

I feel so bad for Kim. She got pulled into this mess it's insane. "But I'm not her" THIS POOR WOMAN. she knows Eddie just wants to replace Shannon with her 😭😭 heartbreaking. "which was not fair to you"

Hey anyways Eddie did that after buck talked to him even his break up with his ex wife's doppelganger is colored by the interactions with buck.

"I never meant to lead you on"

"but you did" 😭 "I guess she was the love of your life" STOPOP😭😭😭

Eddie should be talking about this with Frank 💀

"living happily in Florida with his husband" lmao💀 Okay either Amir is gonna help Bobby or he's gonna torch the place. oh he's gonna torch the place. right.

Mom and Dad are fighting 😭 oh god Athena is so desperate. She's trying so hard. "You're making your round to say goodbye" 😭 Athena still worrying about Bobby being suicidal. "And you're standing on the ledge of a building again, Bobby." 😭 I'm in shambles. somebody glue me back together.

Athena doesn't know about the Book...

"I threw it in the trash on the night of our first date." She gave him hope that he was worth something 😭.

Garica is a BITCH. idc what happened to her she's a bitch. Who is she to refuse Mara a home😭 just bc her idiot son refused treatment. They're ripping apart a family they don't give a shit. Fuck CPS. fuck those 2 especially. ripping Mara out of Karen's grasp what the fuck. Fuck this what the fuck.

WHAT. THE FUCK. IS KIM DOING. SHE GOT A HAIRCUT AND IS.WEARINF SHANNONS DR3SS???????? Eddie looks as horrified as I do. She's pretending to be Shannon IM GOING INSANE. Kim is so smart istg. "You have to let me go" 😭 She is doing the right thing but my god this is psychotic to watch 😭

Eddie finally FINALLy letting go of Shannon is so 😭 he deserves peace. Eddie breakdown era 2.0 let's go. he sounds like a little boy so scared and angry and hurt. CHRIS WALKING IN WITH MARISOL !!!

Bobby, Bobby??? bobby... oh. oh no. He is, he's drinking. Oh my god. he dreamed of his dad while HIS HOUSE IS ON FIRE. ATHENA!! he gets to save his family this time. BOBBY???? HE HAD A HEARTATTACK WHAT.

[aloneinthehellfire]

Chapter 3: We All Need Therapy

Season One | Season Two | Season Three | Season Four

Raining Hellfire: Season Four

Word Count: 3455 words

Warnings: swearing, mentions of death, mentions of visions

[A/N: needed a steve moment, enjoy]

We All Need Therapy

You watch as Max walks into Ms. Kelley’s house, giving you a brief nod before the door shuts behind her.

“Okay, she’s in.” Steve announces and Dustin rolls his eyes.

“I’m missing collarbones, not eyes.” Dustin comments and you smirk, holding in your laugh.

“So…” Dustin starts after a moment of silence, and you turn to look at him as Steve’s eyes stay focused on the house.

Max had told you in her letters that he had become protective of her. You were grateful, knowing Steve looked out for her when you couldn’t. He may joke about being the babysitter, but he was a better role model to the kids than any of the males in their families had ever been.

“We gonna talk about it?”

You frown, noticing that he was looking to Steve who eventually glances back at him. “Huh? Sorry, talk about what?”

“Your temporary insanity earlier today when you basically threw yourself at Nance?”

You held your breath as Steve’s eyes widened, shifting his gaze between you and Dustin.

“Okay, look, that’s not what happened-” Steve tries, Dustin shaking his head at his answer.

“Pretty sure that’s what happened.” Dustin replies and you clear your throat.

“Do you guys want me to…” You gesture to the outside but Dustin continues.

“It was pretty public. There were a lot of witnesses.” Dustin says before leaning forward and tilting his head at you, “Even Y/n saw it, right?”

“Come on, dude, don’t drag her into this.” Steve sighs as you shift uncomfortably in your seat.

“Y/n.” Dustin ignores him, staring at you and waiting for an answer.

“Uh…” You look to Steve, something buried in the bottom of your stomach, twisting, “Well… you did kind of… maybe…”

Steve widens his eyes, “You implying I still have a thing for Nance?”

“No, we’re not implying it.” Dustin argued, “We’re stating it.”

Steve rolls his eyes and you focus on the house, trying to zone out of the conversation.

“And, as it relates to your steadfast refusal to date Robin, it’s pretty much the only logical explanation.”

“That’s not the only one.” Steve mumbles.

You let out a snort of laughter, eyes widening when Dustin looks at you confused.

Robin had told you about her sexuality not long after the mall fire, quickly becoming relieved when you shared your own. If anything, it brought you closer knowing you could relate to eachother without judgement. She even told you about how Steve reacted and it made your heart happy to know he had learnt and grown from his past mistakes. He really wasn’t the boy he used to be in high school.

“Sorry.” You mutter, leaning with your arm rested against the window ledge, hand covering your mouth.

“Unless you two are a thing?” Dustin suddenly suggests and you both go silent.

Dustin’s eyes widen. “Oh. My. God.”

“Dustin-” You try but he’s already grinning.

“It’s perfect!” He smiles, patting you both on the shoulder as he shared his delight. “You know, I always thought Y/n and Eddie were a good match, but you two are literally so similar and different at the same time, why didn’t I think of it before? Best friends turned enemies turned best friends again, turned lovers- and how you both do the same thing when you’re annoyed like when you both pinch your noses or put your hands on your hips, you were made for-”

“Dustin!” You grab his face in both of your hands, frowning.

“I’m still with Suzie.” He mumbles, cheeks squished together and you release him with a sigh.

“And I’m happy for you. But Steve and I…”

“You got it wrong, buddy.” Steve says and you both catch eachother’s eyes, something unspoken laying between you.

“Damn.” Dustin, leant back in his seat, folding his arms. “Could still work.”

“And as for Nance,” Steve changes the subject, avoiding your eyes for clarity, “I was just trying to protect a friend. A friend, Henderson. Okay?”

“Okay.” Dustin said in disbelief.

“Don’t wanna find her in the morning with her eyes sucked out of her skull by this Vecna creep.”

“You’re bright red in the face right now.” Dustin comments and sure enough, you notice a little blush creeping onto his cheeks.

“No I’m not.” He shakes his head, “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Oh-kay.” Dustin mocks and despite the situation, you giggle.

“Not you too.” Steve groans and you shrug.

“What? Do you usually just spontaneously turn into a beetroot?” You question mockingly.

Dustin laughs loudly as if it was the funniest joke he had ever heard and Steve gets frustrated.

“Stop, I’ll punch you so hard your teeth will fall back out.”

“Whoa.” You stop, shaking your head.

“Too far.” Dustin says and Steve nods sincerely.

“Not cool.” Steve agrees, eyes wide, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

There’s an awkward silence until they bump fists, making you roll your eyes with a smile. Their bond was truly unbreakable.

“Look, man. Why don’t you just, I don’t know, walk around?” Steve suggests and you raise your eyebrow.

“Why-” Dustin glances between you both before smirking, “Oh, I see. I see you.”

“No, that’s not it.” Steve warns as Dustin opens the car door, stepping out.

“Don’t worry.” Dustin nods knowingly, “I’ll give you two some space.”

“I-” Steve breathes out when Dustin shuts the door, walking just up ahead where he could get a better view of the house, never leaving your line of sight.

Now in the car with Steve alone, you both stare at the house in silence.

“How… how was Florida?” Steve suddenly asks, still staring at the house.

“Uh…” You frown, “Good.”

“Good.” He nods quickly.

“Good.” You nod back.

Another beat of silence, causing you to take a breath.

“How’s... work?”

“It’s…” Steve tightens his lips, still nodding, “It’s good.”

“Good.”

“Yeah, good.”

More silence. The awkward tension suddenly becomes too much for you both as you turn to eachother.

“Okay this is so stupid-”

“We shouldn’t be this awkward-”

You both sigh at the same time and end up bursting into laughter.

“I’m sorry.” You finally say after the laughter had died down. “I shouldn’t have just left without saying anything.”

Steve seems to think about his words for a minute before leaning back into his seat. “Why did you?”

You take a breath, “I hate goodbyes. And goodbyes always finalise things, you know? I- I didn’t want to say it because if I did then I would realise that I was never coming back-”

“You weren’t going to come back?” He frowns and you slowly shake your head, “Then… what made you come back?”

“… I-”

“If you say you had a bad feeling one more time I will scream.” He says, nodding, “And I’m terrible at it. Like my voice will crack and it’ll sound more like someone got a hold of a really hairy bird and started strangling it.”

“That was... vivid.” You laugh, but he stares at you, waiting for an answer. “But I don’t want to-”

“Robin called you, didn’t she?” Steve says with a knowing look and you sigh. “I knew it.”

“She was worried.” You defend, shifting in your seat to properly face him, “And she told me not to come.”

“I think she underestimated how selfless you are.”

His words were shrugged off by a mocking grin but the emotion felt the same. He was right, after all. But you would never see it that way.

“I’m not going back to Florida.” You suddenly say and his eyes widen, head shaking at you.

“What? No, you can’t give up on that just because of all this. You deserve-”

“I can’t go back.” You interrupt him, tilting your head as you stare down at the small dark red stain on your jumper sleeve, “That’s it for me.”

“Did you get expelled or something?” Steve shakes his head, confused.

You bite your tongue. “Basically, yeah.”

“Basically?”

“Carol goes there.” You sigh and he frowns for a moment before realisation hits.

“Carol Perkins?” Steve’s face twists with disgust and a smirk plays on your lips.

“The one and only.”

“Shit.” He stares out of the windscreen, memories clearly playing in his mind, “You shouldn’t let her ruin it for you.”

“Too late.” You shrug and he raises an eyebrow, waiting for you to elaborate. “She, uh… let’s just say she got a hold of something that is very bad for me. Not just reputation wise, I don’t care about that stuff, but… I’m not going back there anytime soon.”

“Therapy files?” Once your breath hitches, Steve’s theory becomes fact and he sighs, “Maybe you can, I don’t know, do an exchange thing or just move-”

“I didn’t get into any other colleges.” You say quietly, “That was my one shot.”

He’s silent for a moment before he offers you a smile. “Was it at least better than just good? Even for a while?”

“My head felt clearer than it had been in years.” You recall before glancing at him. “Still hated it, though.”

“Why?”

“You weren’t there.”

The words left your mouth before your brain ever caught up. But the reaction made it so much better. You watched as Steve smiles, a little red creeping onto his cheeks as he hums, looking away from you like he could expose his true emotions at any second.

“I half expected you to burst into Family Video some days.” Steve admits with a shaky laugh, “Make some joke about my hair, probably throw a video at me when I made fun of you. I love hanging out with Robin but something- something felt…”

“Missing.” You conclude and his brown eyes find yours again, nodding.

“You know…” He took a breath, staring back out of the window like he couldn’t bear to look at you as he confessed, “I almost ended up driving to Florida.”

Your heart jumps. “What?”

“When Max told us you had been writing her letters… I got mad. Started wondering why you didn’t do the same for the rest of us.”

The look on his face set free the guilt bubbling in your chest. You wanted nothing more than to beg for forgiveness, to tell him everything you’d been dying to say for the past eight months.

“I-” You try but he stops you. You wish he hadn’t.

“No, I get it. There’s more history there and… she gave me your address so I could write you one. But I didn’t think that was enough. Like, I can’t just sum everything up in a single letter, you know? So one day, without even thinking, I packed my car with some things I’d need and was ready to start driving.”

You stay silent, every spotlight on Steve.

“Robin figured it out before I could do anything. Literally jumped in front of my car to stop me.” He explains with a sad laugh, “She told me not to go.”

You nod, eyes misting. All your phone calls to Robin really must have stuck with her, all your rambles about feeling like you could truly start again.

“Said I’d only make it harder for you.” Steve continues, tilting his head at you with apologetic eyes, “That was the last thing I ever wanted.”

“Steve.”

“You deserve a life away from here, Y/n.” He shakes his head, wanting to speak. “You owe us nothing, okay? I know you constantly blame yourself for everything happening here but none of it is your fault.”

“It is.” You whisper.

His face drops. “No, it’s not.”

“Steve-” You try, but he’s too focused on helping you now.

“You couldn’t have-”

“Steve!”

“Sorry.” He mumbles, nodding for you to continue. You sigh, slumping back into your seat. It was time to tell the truth.

“I ran away because I thought it would keep you all safe.”

Steve frowns in confusion.

“Those visions I told you about?” You ask and he nods, brows still furrowed. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth about them.”

He shakes his head. “What…”

Unable to conjure any questions, he just looks at you.

“There’s this… figure.” You begin, staring out onto the road, “It’s always there, always speaking to me. Always telling me things that I shouldn’t know yet. At first, it was just trying to scare me, get into my head. I thought I was just going crazy. But recently, last year… it told me that everyone I love, will die. And I didn’t- I didn’t want to believe it had that kind of power but- but then Barb… Billy… Jack- it, it all links.”

“It doesn’t make- why you?”

“It won’t tell me.” Your voice is so quiet you were sure Steve wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t now leaning close to you, “I saw it again today. Or him. Or whatever. I didn’t have any visions of it while I was in Florida but as soon as I got back here- it wants something from me. I just don’t know what that is.”

“We’ll stop it.” Steve nods, taking your hand in his. “Okay, we’ll- we’ll find out what the hell it is and get rid of it after this whole Vecna thing-”

“But Steve,” You frown, shaking your head, “I think it is-”

“Hey guys!” Dustin calls out, running to the car, and you move away from Steve, wiping your tears and pretending like everything was fine. “She’s back.”

“Here she comes.” Steve says and Dustin just stops, staring at him.

“Just said that.” He mutters, sliding into the car just as Max joins him in the back.

“What’d she say?” Dustin wonders and Max shakes her head.

“Nothing, just drive.”

You frown as Steve speeds away from the house. You knew when your sister was lying. And judging by how she was purposely avoiding your eyes, you knew it had to do with Starcourt.

“I assume you got the keys.” You ask and she holds them up with a small smile. The guys looked startled. “That’s my girl.”

She smirks at your comment, shoving the keys into her pocket.

“How did you-” Dustin looked between you two, “Actually I don’t wanna know. I’m too scared of the Mayfield sisters.”

During the drive, Steve risks glances to you, still thinking about your interrupted conversation.

“Dustin? It’s Lucas. Do you copy? Dustin?”

You frown as Lucas’ voice blares into the car, looking back at Max and Dustin as they point to the bag by your feet. Dustin’s bag.

You pick up the radio, holding it to your lips when they nod at you.

“Lucas?” You ask, looking out ahead at the road.

“Y/n? Wait- when were you- what are you-”

Dustin groans, reaching over and snatching it out of your hand before speaking. “Lucas, where the hell have you been?”

“Just listen. Are you guys looking for Eddie?”

“Yeah, we found him. No thanks to you.” Dustin complains and you pinch the bridge of your nose before recognising your action, staring at your hand before resting it on your lap. You catch Steve’s smirk out of the corner of your eye.

“You found him?” Lucas sounds worried, making you straighten in your seat.

“A boathouse on Coal Mill Road.” Dustin relays, rolling his eyes. “Don’t worry, he’s safe.”

“You guys know he killed Chrissy, right?”

You instantly reach behind you and grab the radio.

“That’s complete bullshit!” You say and Dustin nods furiously, “He tried to save her, he just didn’t get to her in time.”

Steve frowns, looking at you. How did you know that?

“Then why do all the cops say he did it?”

“Because cops will believe whatever shit makes their jobs easier.” You say with a little more spite than you meant, history flashing in front of your eyes. In your experience, they never listened. Only Hopper did and now that he’s gone, you all were the last hope Eddie had to have his name cleared.

Max suddenly reaches her hand out and you place the radio in her palm.

“Lucas, you’re so behind it’s ridiculous, okay? Just meet us at the school. We’ll explain later.”

“I… I can’t. I think some real bad shit’s about to go down.”

“What are you talking about?” Max asks, looking at you, “What bad shit? Lucas? Lucas?”

Lucas never replied and you held your breath.

“The basketball team.” You frown and Steve looks at you.

“What about them?”

“I ran into one of them.” You remember, “They knew my name, asked me where Eddie was.”

“They knew you?” Max frowned and you nod slowly.

“Yeah, freaked me out too but I think the team’s taken Chrissy’s death pretty personal.”

“Jason.” Max says, “They were dating.”

“Hunt down the freak.” Dustin realises with a sigh and you purse your lips.

Leaning against the window, you watch the trees that past by, eyebrows scrunched. With all that you’ve faced, you never quite realised how dangerous people were. Especially when they are driven by one simple yet powerful force.

Revenge.

Once you arrive at the school, you waste no time climbing out of the car and striding into the building.

“Y/n, guys, do you copy?” Robin’s voice spits out of the radio in your hand.

“Yeah, we copy.”

“So, Nancy’s a genius. Vecna’s first victims date back all the way to 1959. Her shot in the dark was a bullseye.”

“Knew it would be.” You say, turning the corner to the hallway as the others guided with flashlights. “But we can’t really talk right now, Robs.”

“What are you doing?”

“Oh you know, the usual. Breaking and entering the school to steal some things.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, I just missed high school that much.” You sigh as you find the office, “Just get here as fast as you can and we’ll explain everything.”

You hand the radio back to Dustin as Max unlocks the door, swinging it open and pointing her flashlight into the room.

“This feels wrong.” You whisper, making your way over to filing cabinets.

“Yeah, we shouldn’t be here to steal therapy files.” Steve mutters and you look at him intrigued, “We should be the ones in therapy.”

“It’s like a mini-Watergate or something.” Dustin mumbles to himself.

You raise an eyebrow, choosing to ignore him as you and Max search for Chrissy’s name.

“Hawkinsgate.” Dustin says and you smirk.

“Didn’t those guys get caught?” Steve whispers.

“Holy shit.” Max breathes just as you both stare down at the files.

“You find it?” Steve wonders, peering over your shoulder as you pull out a file, Max grabbing a different one.

“Yeah, and not just Chrissy’s file.” She says, looking at the brown paper in your hand.

“Fred was seeing Ms. Kelley too.” You announce, dropping the file onto the desk.

“So… Ms. Kelley is Vecna?” Steve asked and everyone just stares at him.

“It’s a good theory.” You try, smiling slightly, “But probably too easy.”

Max sits at the desk, shuffling around papers as she reads Chrissy’s report.

“Why does it always have to be complicated?” Steve sighs and you raise your eyebrows. “Like… can’t villains just be dumb?”

“Only the human ones.” You retort and Steve laughs.

“Can I see Fred’s file?” Max suddenly asks and you frown, plucking it from Steve’s hands and placing it in front of her.

“Why, what did you find?”

She doesn’t reply, just staring down at the pages she had ordered side by side and you peer over her head, reading key parts that appeared on both sheets.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you see their photos clipped to the pages. You really were walking through memories earlier in those woods.

“What?” Steve looks between the both of you with a worried frown, “What’s wrong?”

“Why would anything be wrong?” You ask numbly, still staring at the page.

“Cause you’re both wearing the same terrified face.” Dustin explains and you finally look up. Why was Max scared?

You look down at your sister, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Max?”

She doesn’t respond. You shake her a tiny bit. Still nothing.

You immediately look at Steve, panicked, before kneeling down beside her and turning her chair to face you. “Max?!”

As you stare up at her face, you almost scream. Her eyes are rolled back, whites staring back at you.

“Max!” You yell, cupping her face as Steve and Dustin shout for her. “Wake up! Come, on, wake up!”

She suddenly gasps, slumping forward in her seat and you lean forward, catching her. Her breathing is heavy as she clings to you.

“It’s okay. I’m here.” You soothe, a stray tear rolling down your cheek as Steve lets out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell just happened?”

Chapter 4: Symptoms ->

taglist: @gnnnne / @beepisbeep / @paintballkid711/ @eddiesbirdie/ @livasaurasrex/ @darktimelegends / @jackierose902109 / @mvrylee / @chervbs/ @eternallyvenus / @nervouscatsuit/ @f1nn-wolfhard/ @hereiamhereigo/ @ladybug0095 / @fangirling-4-ever / @astrolockley/ @mothmanatemycat

[onthewaytosomewhere]

Therapy for literally anyone in 911

thanks ever so much for letting me use this to untangle (at least somewhat) these silly buddie boys

this can also be found on ao3 - and it will prolly make more sense after the first chapter

It’s been two months since Buck stopped fighting, two months since Eddie showed up at the location of the underground fighting ring and dragged him to the hospital. Of course, it’s been a long two months, the kind of months that feel like you lived multiple years within each one. It’s not all been bad. Eddie and Buck finally admitted their feelings for each other and are slowly starting dating—which really isn’t much different than how they were before, just with more times out just the two of them.

This has been one of the good things—Eddie is sitting in the waiting room while Buck is in their therapist's office. Their therapist—that’s still wild to think they share this and so much more now. The way this has been going is Buck gets 40 minutes if he needs it. They get 20-30 minutes for the two of them together, and Eddie gets some time afterward. He’s working through a few things he didn’t bother with when he briefly did this therapy thing after his own time in the fighting ring. Buck has put his foot down and said if he’s working through all of his stuff, then so will Eddie. They’re getting mentally healthier for each other—and Christopher.

Christopher has taken to Buck and Eddie actually being together remarkably well. Of course, he’s never shied away from his love for Buck. So, other than a few more times when they go out without him, it’s not like things have changed a lot for him yet. At some point in the future, it may, though. Eddie doesn’t think he’ll ever want anyone other than Buck. He knows they need to take things slow, not necessarily glacial, but slow to protect themselves and everyone else. Neither of them necessarily has the best track record when it comes to dating. So for now, they hang out and go on dates with the added bonus of kissing and …

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted when the door to the office opens, and the therapist motions him in. He walks in and notices that Buck looks a bit nervous. He doesn’t know what that might mean, but he just has to hope it’s not bad. He sits down next to Buck in his usual spot for therapy and smiles at him. He gets a smile back, and it relieves a little of the anxiety that was ramping up. Buck’s smiles have always had an insane effect on him, even before he realized why that might be.

Their therapist sits across from them and starts. “Eddie, Buck has something he wants to tell you to start this week's joint session. I will go over to my desk to give you a moment, but I’m here if you need me.”

Eddie’s confused. Why would they not stay in the usual spot for their sessions? Isn’t that the point of all this? He turns to Buck, who still looks slightly nervous but less than when Eddie came in. Buck smiles at him, and he feels the anxiety that is starting to ratchet up again recede. How it took him so long to realize what he actually feels for Buck still amazes him.

“Eddie, I need to let you know that I remember a few things from when I was in and out of consciousness at the hospital after surgery.”

“Okay …”

“I remember you saying you love me.”

Oh. “Oh.” That’s a development Eddie doesn’t know what to do with.

“I want to tell you, and not because of that; I know we haven’t said that yet—at least not outside our heads and both conscious, but—I love you.”

“Oh, Buck …” Eddie’s brain has yet to catch up with his mouth, so he’s unsure what to say next. He wants to kiss him and let him know that way that he also loves him, but he probably actually needs to say the words. “Buck, I love you, I’ve loved you for so long, and honestly, I think I first realized it when I was stuck in that damn well. When I didn’t know if I was getting out of there, you and Christopher were the people who kept me fighting. I had wanted to tell you then, but I got nervous, and then stuff happened so fast, and before I knew it, so much time had already passed. I missed my opportunity, or so I thought, so I kept my feelings to myself, sat on them, and they continued growing.” He stops to take a breath, and Buck lets out a giggle that Eddie doesn’t get to hear often but treasures every time he does.

“Eddie, I … you know this wasn’t a contest. You didn’t hafta take my love confession and blow it out of the water. But since you did, I’m not going to bother with a grand love confession. I will repeat, however, that I love you. Have for so much longer than I knew.”

Eddie leans across the loveseat, and his lips find Buck’s; they kiss slowly, just lips, then tongue, then Eddie nipping at Buck’s lip with teeth. Eddie sighs into the kiss; he knows they can’t stay like this no matter how much he wants to, so he pulls back. Eddie pulls back and laughs when Buck’s lips chase his before leaning in and whispering, “Later. We’ll come back to this later.”

Buck leans toward him, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “I intend to hold you to that.” Eddie looks forward to it.

Their therapist is joining them again, saying, “That went well. Based on what I turned back around to, I'm assuming there isn’t anything you need to discuss, but if there is, we can do that now.”

Eddie looks at Buck and shakes his head. There is nothing more he needs to say about this at the moment, at least not with just their therapist. All he wants to do is repeatedly tell Buck that he loves him—he wants to shout it from the rooftops and tell the world. Buck smiles as if he’s heard all of Eddie’s internal dialogue and turns toward their therapist, replying, “No. We’re all good right now.”

“Perfect. So, shall we pick up where we left off last week?” The rest of the appointment goes by so fast. Their joint session ends and Buck leaves the room for a bit. Eddie feels so much lighter for one of the first times since he started therapy. He feels complete. He’s ready to tackle whatever comes, with Buck at his and Christopher’s sides.

[thebestbooksaround]

hi! i love your fic recs, and was wondering if you had any good secret relationship/fake relationship 9-1-1 fics?

Not many! But here are some I’ve read :)

Secret Relationship

nobody has to know  by coupe_de_foudre (@panevanbuckley)

“You think he knows?” Eddie shrugs, only half-heartedly batting at Buck’s hand as he goes to dip his fries into Eddie’s milkshake. Buck just sticks his tongue out childishly before shoving the fries into his mouth and Eddie rolls his eyes. It does nothing to rid the adoration from his face, so Buck doesn’t take it too personally. “I dunno, I think he might suspect something.” Buck takes another fry, dangling it by his mouth for a moment. “Shame,” he says, taking a bite, “I was enjoying nobody knowing.”

* just to be with you by woodchoc_magnum (@woodchoc-magnum)

In which Eddie and Ana are dating, Buck is secretly in love with him, and Christopher isn't handling it well. This is a series and the second part really focuses on the secret relationship!

* Missing Pieces by AshwinMeird (@ashwinmeird)

Hen was not sure what to make of the new recruit, Evan "Buck" Buckley. He was reckless and that was about as much as she knew about him.

That eventually changes though and all the important parts of Buck's life reveal themselves to her over time.

* fair-weather love by maybemaybenottt (@deareddie)

"A crack of thunder. A rough shove. An empty space where Buck stood just moments ago. A pit in his stomach as he realises his boyfriend has just fallen 25 feet. A shout that claws its way out of his throat involuntarily.   "BUCK!"" or, A call goes wrong. Buck falls. Eddie waits.

Fake Relationship

dreamin' with the lights on by trippingminor (@probieravi)

“Uh, that’s not all,” Eddie says, before he loses his nerve. “I was hoping you’d come as my—partner.” He winces as soon as the words leave his mouth, because genuinely, this is the stupidest goddamn idea. Shannon is probably cackling wherever she is over the fact that Eddie is acting the man he is very tragically in love with to be his—fucking fake boyfriend, or something, just to avoid the attention of some PTA parents.Buck blinks at him. “Are you—you want to pretend to be in a relationship to get Heather Paul off your back?” he asks, fingers squeezing around Eddie’s pulse point a little. or, eddie asks buck to come to christopher’s parent-teacher conference with him as his boyfriend. it’s fine. really.

* To Build a Home We Deconstruct Our Rituals by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (@letmetellyouaboutmyfeels)

After the shooting, Eddie realizes he needs to put some things in place. Like who will get his assets if he dies. Who will speak for him if he ends up in a coma. What might happen if his family contests Buck's guardianship. Luckily, he's got a simple easy-peasy solution that won't result in insanity, catastrophe, or heartbreak: Marry Buck.

OR

The Best Lie is a Truth (My Best Mask is My Face) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels

The Buckleys are celebrating their 50th Anniversary, and Maddie and Buck are both expected to come. To take the heat off Maddie, Buck impulsively blurts out that he's seeing someone new. Obviously, there's only one solution: bring Eddie as his fake boyfriend, pretend to be in love with him, and survive the weekend with minimal bloodshed. No problem, except for the, uh. "Pretend" part. Oops.

* I Didn't Know I Was Lonely 'Til I Saw Your Face by HMSLusitania (@hmslusitania)

After the ladder truck and the blood clot and the tsunami, Bobby makes Buck go to therapy before he does something stupid(like sue the city). Buck's not totally comfortable being alone with a therapist, but fortunately he makes a friend and ally who's willing to help him out - Eddie Diaz from the 136 who's just been caught in an illegal fight club. OR Total strangers Buck and Eddie go to couple's therapy together to get out of the therapy requirements their captains have placed on them.

* things we shouldn't do by Ingu (@ingu)

“Why is everybody taking my relationship status so personally? Can’t I be fine with being single?” Buck said. “Hey, you don’t have to say yes, be sad and alone if that’s what you want,” Josh replied. “But, I’m just saying. I’ve seen photos and this guy is volcanic levels of hot. Also, single dad, super cute kid. Saves lives for a living like you. I think you should give it a go.” (the one where Buck and Eddie accidentally get set up on a blind date with each other, and everything snowballs from there)

* Speak Now by datleggy (@datleggy)

Fake Dating AU idea from a tumblr post that got out of hand the minute I started writing. Eddie lies to Shannon about being in a serious relationship when she wants to re-enter his and Christopher's lives, and of course the person he asks to be his pretend significant other is none other than Evan Buckley, because what are bros for?

* And of course, Tethers by red_to_black (@redtooblack) [WIP]

Eddie's spent years trying to find a place to call home with Christopher, hoping that Shannon will come back and then desperately hoping she wouldn't. He thinks he's in the clear when she shows up at his doorstep, demanding they get back together. Eddie comes up with a foolproof plan: get a fake boyfriend, convince Shannon he's gay, and live happily ever after with his life mostly intact and Christopher safe and happy. Get rid of fake boyfriend when Shannon gives up, and life can resume as normal. Enter Buck, and the plan goes to hell in a handbasket.

[evanfixes]

Not that I think this will happen but like:

I'm imagining a post-gunshot redux where Eddie is heavy in therapy and taking time off & Buck fully steps into his "other legal guardian (read: dad)" role to be there for Chris, who will undoubtedly suffer so much from Eddie’s bullshit.

Imagining Eddie saying he can't fix this, can't fix himself, turning back to the one person who was able to immediately get through him and make him realize he needed to fess up to Kim. Going to the "guy who fixes things." The best friend who's "handy when you've got a bunch of holes in your wall."

Eddie crying bc he's made so many holes this time and it's a sinking ship, he's drowning, he's so sorry and he doesn't want to demolish Buck's life but he can't turn anywhere else. And Buck, stable and happy but hurting for his best friend, doesn't hesitate to step up.

((And while I know the drama of Eddie being pissed at Buck for potentially involving Chris' other family bc Eddie is being objectively insane is the more TV option, I just can't handle divorce 2.0))