#ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO I TALK TO A BUNCH WITH IM SORRY IF YOU GUYS DIDNT MAKE IT :(

[everything-transmasculine]

sorry this is so long it might be cut off sometimes i feel like the people who have been adamantly referring to trans men and transmascs who talk about masculinity and the different aspects of it as "tMRAs" and "men's rights activists" have

1. never experienced dealing with an actual MRA and are using a snappy acronym that coincidentally terfs/radfems use to refer to trans people as well, which comes off as "i feel targeted, so i'm going to push that onto others" and

2. don't view trans men and transmascs as having the ability to have a complex and intimate understanding of masculinity, from toxic to healthy, and that trans men/mascs have never experienced or heard "how men are when they don't think any women are around." because 'locker room talk' 100% happens to and in front of people they think are girls/women, they just don't see those perceived as "female"/who have "lesser/weaker anatomy" as able to like. understand what they're saying or relish in making them uncomfortable.

this is shit i've literally heard guys admit to and say to me regardless of how i passed, if they did or didn't know i was trans, it literally doesn't matter to them. bigoted people (especially weaponized victim status cis women and creepy cis men) don't care about transfeminist theory or how sexism is transphobic because genitalia has nothing to do with gender or discrimination, they're transphobic and misogynistic. and they express that by being transphobic and misogynistic. they do not care about the tme/tma dichotomy or how thinking female (vagina) = weak is transphobic to trans women. their transmisogyny is synonymous with homophobia and their transphobia is synonymous to misogyny.

trans men and trans women aren't opposites or enemies whatsoever and the pitting of them against each other has effortlessly undone so much solidarity and understanding of what intersectionality actually is. that being trans is now a morally-based social contract in which you agree to be disrespected on almost every front, including by other trans people, and those other trans people are The Enemy. i'm so tired and this is coming from an academic who deals 24/7 with literally ONLY cis people who think i am cis as well, but being an effeminate short man gets me pigeonholed as a bunch of shitty stereotypes and expectations even from my own FAMILY who can't compute how i look now as opposed to how i used to. sorry this turned into a ramble but trans men aren't both white cis men and white cis women simultaneously benefitting from the privileges of both with the most bigotry they see being occasional "harmless bullying" of misgendering or deadnaming and how it's nothing compared to how real suffering.

if i talked about how i was treated and perceived and the horrors i went through because of specifically being a trans man people would say i was lying. why is it always non trans men who are so sure of what happens to trans men to the point where if trans men try to talk about anything besides what's been "allowed" they're branded as i said in the beginning, tMRAs/theyfabs/the blue hair and pronouns annoying kazoo voice stereotype and a million other "shut up" terms. this is all over wanting to be seen and viewed as a whole person regardless of ASAB/appearance/nonharmful beliefs we all have the same goal why are we letting interpersonal annoyances about personalities clashing dictate how much someone can suffer

anon, i fully agree with you - especially “why is it always non trans men who are so sure of what happens to trans men.” there is a serious problem inside and outside of the queer community of non-transmasculine people trying to dictate transmasculine lives as they see fit (ie, classic DARVO - “that didnt really happen to you, and if it did happen to you it wasnt that bad, and if it was that bad then you deserved it.”)

im going to put my full response beneath a readmore, as this got pretty long!

i think you are correct in your assessment of the current situation of seeing a transmasculine person talking about their experiences, and immediately referring to them as a MRA/tMRA, or not valuing their experiences because they dont see transmascs as being able to have complex relationships with gender, and by extension, masculinity. whenever i see someone calling a transmasc a “tMRA” as if its a bad thing, i always wonder to myself - what is so bad about being an activist for the rights of transmasculine people? in what world do transmasculine people not deserve to speak up for their rights - and in fact, the rights in question usually end up being along the lines of “id like to be treated with basic human decency, please.” just because one group is campaigning for basic human rights doesnt mean theyre taking away from the other groups struggle? of course this notion is exempt when the group in question is campaigning for the other group to be silenced and erased from marginalized spaces, taking away their status as a marginalized people in the first place to label them as “oppressive” based on a binary, sex-based dichotomy that has no basis in actual practicality when all groups involved are denied access to human rights on basis of “chosen” gender, regardless of ASAB… but im getting off topic lol.

tldr; what is so bad about trans people - because lets not forget, transmascs are TRANS before they are anything else (save for other marginalized identities that follow the current societal norm) - vocalizing their struggles to a (supposedly) supportive community?

what is so bad about trans people? because it seems like every person who labels a transmasc as a tMRA on basis of “you wont shut up about the problems you face” needs to do some unlearning of ingrained ignorance and discrimination - and if im not being clear enough… if youre calling any transmasc a tMRA for talking about their unique struggles, you not only sound like a bigot… YOU ARE A BIGOT.

i also think the view you present of bigots, and how they interact with bigotry, is very interesting - because youre right! to those who are bigoted, they arent thinking “this aggression against this person is specifically due to the unique intersection of bigotries that turn into transmisogyny/antitransmasculinity/transphobia/etc” … theyre thinking “this stupid (slur) is a freak and deserves to die.” and whether that violence is in the form of other-gendering, physical violence, sexual violence, or some other form of bigotry, the bigots dont care about who is “affected” and who is “exempt” - ultimately, they just care that youre trans, and that being trans makes you a target. to us, the victims and survivors of the bigotry - we give it unique identifiers, ways for us to call out certain forms that the bigotry takes so that we can better recognize and stand against it (transmisogyny, transphobia, antitransmasculinity, etc.) to bigots, were just receptacles for violence, and thus whatever violence enacted on us is their “god given right.”

additionally, its important to note that medically transitioning and nonmedically, nontransitioning, cis-perceived nonbinary, transmasculine, transfeminine people will not see the same amount of bigotry as visibly (or knowingly) transitioning people will. however, in the case of someone mistaking a trans person for the “wrong” gender, and instead viewing them as the perceived ASAB (or, to put it shortly, people who are quantified as “basically cis”) - they are often, regardless of transmasculinity or transfemininity, treated similarly when it comes to the immediate knee jerk reaction. the main difference is, as i have stated in other posts, hypervisibility vs hyperinvisibility. whereas the transfems experience will take precedence due to their hypervisibility in society, conversely the transmascs experience will be largely ignored or written off on basis of them not being taken seriously (and this is due to a multitude of factors, including derision based in ASAB, “manning up,” etc.)

theres also a harmful rhetoric being pushed that when transmasculine people DO speak about their experiences, their oppression, etc… harmful terms (such as youve outlined) are immediately used to condemn and slander the transmasculine individual who is speaking in the first place. this also often reinforces ASAB-based discrimination, as these terms often boil down to “youre being whiny/hysterical/stupid/a bitch” - all terms that have a basis in misogyny and sex-based oppression. those terms dont stop being misogynistic just because theyre not being applied to a woman - if the root place from which the language is derived is “your ASAB makes you inherently inferior, and youre acting like your ASAB” its inherently bioessentialist and sex-based discrimination. it becomes misogynistic if your ASAB is female, as there is the added stereotype that anyone who is AFAB will inherently be a “whiny, hysterical, stupid bitch.” you can see this reflected in words like “theyfab” - which literally posits the word “they” (referring to a nonbinary identity) with “AFAB” (referring to the ASAB of female) - as a way at discrediting the transmasculine individual its applied to by implying they are both embodying the stereotype of the annoying nonbinary person, while still using and abusing the perceived “privilege” that comes with being assigned female at birth… and the privilege in question is being told to sit down, shut up, and look pretty so the so called “superior” sex can do whatever they desire.

trans people should not be defined by their ASAB - actually, ill go a step further. NOBODY should be “defined” by their ASAB. your assigned sex at birth is a designation of biological diversity, one that doesnt always fit in neat little boxes. its a biological marker of what reproductive niche you may or may not fall into, not a determiner of superiority (and consequently, inferiority.) anyone trying to sell you on the idea of any one sex or gender being better than another is a bioessentialist bigot, and hasnt even begun the process of unlearning sexism, misogyny, and gender discrimination.

and this whole, long response STILL doesnt even touch on harmful beliefs like “all transmascs are detransitioners and TERFs in disguise” because transmascs are AFAB or how the term TME (despite people claiming it applies to everyone who isnt transfem) is exclusively used to ridicule and devalue transmascs or how the rates of violence for transmasculine people are so high (even surpassing the average rates for trans people) and yet still transmascs are seen as “attention seeking theyfabs.” and thats just the tip of the iceberg! i could go on for much longer about all the horrific, vitriolic, deeply transphobic sentiments that have pervaded the queer (and trans!) community, that have become acceptable statements to make because - once again - that didnt happen, and if it did happen it wasnt that bad, and if it was that bad… you deserved it (you stupid, hysterical, whiny, bitch!)

[breadcruumbss]

Who is ur top 10 favorite moots?

1 - @/iloveacronix

2 - @/OgzieOggleton

3 - @/garmaballs

4 - @/nyaskitten

5 - @/mx-mizaqx

6 -@/carlostck

7 - @/geostxrs

8 - @/fruity-legos

9 - @/thecatundertheladder

10 - @/penofwildfire

Pen is only at the end bc I rarely talk to him </33, but he's an awsomesauce person

[skulkiee]

Im sorry but thoughts happened :D

Theres a lot of thoughts here.

Lots. :]

Polites' design is one of my favorites and i learnt that i need to draw Telemachus more often. Also when i draw i always assign colours to each country so all the royal people in Ithaca wear yellow and red in my mind. Idk. The stories basically the same but with Eurylochus and Polites instead of Odysseus and Penelope. Except Polites gets to kill Eurymachus with one of the axes because how dare he use open arms.

Eurylochus and Odysseus built the olive tree bed together. Or rather Eurylochus helped Odysseus build it for Penelope. But he still helped. So the tree bit in Would You Fall In Love With Me Again still makes sense.

Odysseus and Penelope were killed by an assassin i guess who was hired by someone who Odysseus probably messed with. Probably another king. They were gonna kill baby Telemachus too but Polites got there first. Now they just kinda. Haunt the palace. They were given proper burials just this is more fun, especially when they get to mess with the suitors.

Telemachus is raised by Polites and Eurylochus. Hes born erlier or the war is later but i want him to remember Eurylochus after he leaves for the war. So he has his two dads and then theres the knowledge that he also has Penelope and Odysseus (whose ghosts he cannot see) who are his biological parents.

Polites stays in Ithaca because like Ithaca can't loose all four of its leaders in the space of like two years or something. Someone has to stay behind. On that note he also decided to be like yes i am the "Queen" of Ithaca. Because he would probably not loose a bunch of respect for not going to war is hes the Queen you know? And the suitors are stupid and didnt figure that out.

Um what else. I guess neither of them ever expected to become rulers, i like to imagine Polites is Penelope's little brother, and just came with her from Sparta, but even there he was like. Last in line for the throne. And nobody took him seriously because he's him.

Eurylochus was raised alongside Odysseus as his brother. And would have only been expected to take the throne if all Odysseus, Penelope and Ctimene died without an heir. So he was probably like yaay when Telemachus was born but then people went and died anyways. And Ctimene's not married in this au.

Oh yeah also Eurylochus has Aphrodite instead of Athena. I decided that a long time ago because he cares for the crew so much in Epic and i was just like. Its still Eurylochus why shouldnt he still have Aphrodite. Yes i know she was on the Trojan's side in the war and i have decided that that is irrelivant.

Elpenor is the dude that talks to the Lotus Eaters and gets killed by the cyclops this time around. Sorry Elpenor. Perimedes is the second-in-command. Someone else came up with the horse idea, it wasn't Eurylochus. Astanyax may or may not be alive i have not decided but he is probably dead.

Um yeah. I wanted to put my thoughts down because i will probably never like write anything for this, and if i do it wont be much.

Siren au is still my favorite and most important because i am invested in those little guys.

Hi if you actually read this far :D

[radiation]

Ok here are my brief thoughts on Mouthwashing. SPOILERS WARNING And mostly negative sorry. Lots of things i liked but i think most ppl have said that stuff already so i wont repeat it

Loved the art direction, really loved the dialogue, I enjoyed the game a lot in the first half. Unfortunately towards the halfway point where it began leaning further into the horror game shit it really started losing me. The gameplay segments where you get chased around by something or other were seriously just horrendously, horrendously badly designed and a lot of the puzzles felt repetitive or inscrutable (Altho keep in mind I'm terrible at solving puzzles/finding shit in video games. When people talk about "yellow paint" I'm 100% who that shit is for)

It wasnt just the gameplay though, I also just wasn't a huge fan of the metaphorical / scary visuals / out-of-body experience stuff. I felt it slowed down the pace of events and put a barrier between me and the reality of the story being told. It rarely communicated new plot points and ideas and mostly restated information I'd already received verbally in an abstract way. Yes they were visually stunning, very technically impressive, and a few felt genuinely novel and well-placed (the reveal of the mouthwash ad on the TV fucking ruled), but I feel like for the most part those moments were almost obligatorily following modern indie horror game trends. I understand the point of that kind of stuff and it definitely can be effective, but idk i see it so much Im just personally very tired of it unless it really justifies its own existence, and in this case i unfortunately felt it didnt

I also didnt find the sort of "twist" with the main character very compelling and the more extreme his actions became the more I became disappointed. Like once you start getting a guy feeding another dude his own leg at a table with a bunch of dead ppl set on chairs with party hats on (even if its intended to be metaphorical) you have killed my suspension of disbelief. Especially since the character work at the beginning of the game felt a lot more grounded it was just like really. I get its horror but thats trite as fuck sorry.

A lot of this comes down to personal preference but if it were me Id have pared down the gameplay so its more towards the visual novel direction and made the scenario and character behaviors toward the end more grounded/real world so the horror comes more from the Real Fucked Up And Horrible Shit That Is Actually Happening, not the abstraction of it. I really found the character dialogue so much more compelling, original, and better at communicating ideas than the metaphorical visuals, so just own that instead. Like i personally wouldnt have had much of this stuff or any at all but again, definitely personal preference, so if it we're going middle ground -- horror visuals can still exist in some form, but i think would be better as a backdrop that fades in and out rather than being something that, in order to experience, you have to totally disengage with the story at hand for long stretches

Another thing I felt and like, sorry this is pretty mean, but as much as people praise the story it really isn't doing much of anything new or different. It's largely well-executed, but as far as sci-fi and horror goes, it's really quite generic. A well-put together combination of a handful of movies and games and whatnot, but rarely much more than the sum of its parts. The moments where it went beyond that were in the very real-life themes and the character work, which again got lost little by little due to its increasing insistence on being an indie horror game. The point for me isn't that everything has to be totally original and not at all contrived, like familiar ideas being well executed can be really really powerful, its more that with all the issues there were i didnt feel the story was strong enough to completely redeem it

Also slowly dawned on me that Anya is pretty much just shelley duvall and it started bothering me like i couldnt stop seeing it

+ I found the writing kind of misogynist. Anya isnt a bad character but if you look at all the individual points of her character its like wow you had to have the singular woman in the cast have literally all of those traits and all of those things happen to her? Its very like 1980s male auteur movie director type shit. And if the shelley duvall thing wasnt a total coincidence that like, especially does not put a good taste in my mouth

Also Swansea fucking rules best character eva

[iiapple]

do you hate knife as a character or what the fandom/his relationship with suitcase has turned into /genq

both

theres aspects to him i enjoy though usually its paired with another character's interactions with the general juvenile violence in season 1 - early season 2. knife and trophy's whole deal is so ridiculously stupid its laughable but in an enjoyable way where im kinda entertained. it can make for a lot of funny interactions that are just jabs at one another (and trophy getting the short end of the dick which is always funny). he and pickle are fun too even without the romancey shippinf component, they can be at a base just stupid gay bros that chill. while he was caught up in mic's business and did lend a hand in her arc, i do prefer how it is now where again, its just slight jabs and non melodramatic fun (add in soap to grill his ass, soapmic knickle video game sesh and soap is crushing everyone at it like hell)

however its the push of him needing to be this "philosophical deep guy who analyzes everyone correctly and its soooooo interesting how much hes changed" that really irks me. because i honestly dont buy it and just see a man who self pities under the guise of "learning and growing i help others now because ive changed". hes like balloon to me in that sense except hes able to keep it composed and together without becoming outwardly desperate. its honestly irritating how much of an involvement he has now and again, how much of a push there is to him being in the top 2 after "all his growth". i just dont give a fuck. why should i give a fuck about a man who burnt and harassed and bullied and tortured a woman in season 1 for fun, and had others try to join in on it too? and the GALL of him to even apologize to marshmallow for it too LOOOOOL... "ohhhh poor me im sorry marshmallow for hurting you before" pussy couldnt even state what he did to her, weak ass self fellating apology im SO glad marsh didnt accept it and was NOT kind about it in front of him. she shouldve start throwing rocks at him. all this "change and teaching" i will never forgive that man for what he did to women

not to mention, how practically of little to no help he was towards suitcase who, was dealing with bigger issues than he was as if hes fuckin get it. such bullshit advice and "lessons" hed tell her when its like dude, shut the hell up!!! youre saying the dumbest shit and still pinning it all against her somehow when shes been tossed around her supposed alliance because those 3 idiots couldnt get shit together for once. that AND her psychosis coming onto the foreground of it all of course shes not gonna talk about it further because you keep pushing in shit that she has no fault in, as if shedve trust you with that. its sweet that theyre working now against everything now but god lol, i just dont buy their newfound ammends and friendship of sort personally

what the fandom has done is REALLY hyopcritical. now im not gonna say its every single person who does this, nor am i a fan of monolith-ing (?) a group of people because of a common pattern, but its just really REALLY funny seeing people going after pairings like lairy or whatever saying its "proship" while shipping a man who has a history of violence on women with a psychotic woman who he has offered piss poor assistance to in the name of his own weird beliefs of changing and helping. idgaf for discourse around a bunch of pixels over trivial shit that really isnt THAT big of an issue (lairy discourse), especially because well, theyre wrong as fuck, but how are people gonna say one thing then turn around and do The Same Shit under another flavour. knifecase is such a kick in the balls to women and another example of how fandom greatly prefers men over women WHATEVER the situation is. theyll fawn over a man whos done shit and think "yeah hes my poor onglydoople poop. only HE suffers in this work of media" while greatly ignoring the issues the women in the same piece of work deal with by writing (misogyny) and circumstances (misogyny again). this world is founded immensely on misogyny and we're never getting the fuck out of it and while yeah im ranting about object character violence being sexist/misogynistic, you gotta get that its all a repeated pattern of these behaviours these mentalities this culture. you can argue one thing about writers intentions and beliefs, we dont know these people well enough to point fingers and label. however, how are YOU digesting it? shitting it out? what is your overall take and without using gay fandom buzzwords and misogynist thinking describe the women in the show (rhetorical)

[fraosinfandoms]

Redid my reference sheet back in december! I'm still not 100% with their design tbh but im too lazy to do a redesign again! Also i cannot keep their wing size consistent it's horrendous. (Maybe at the end of the year ill redo it again ... a version 3 ... like its a tradition ...)

Edit: I've now turned this into a masterpost for my oc so have a summary of their stories!

Canon:

World setting: Quick explanation of the world bc it's important to understand why I wrote what I wrote. The world is basically the same as ours except with hybrids and magic and stuff (I'll shortly refer to this as just hybrids) and also better in the sense that people are more tolerant. Even though humans still make up the majority of the population, you'll rarely see any specism going on. I don't base the places where everything goes on on a specific country/culture, just how I see the world (though I definitely wouldn't say everything takes place in Belgium). SO to say it shortly, it's a happy world made for me to self-indulge.

Story: Fraos grew up on a farm with their dad. They are pretty well off, not millionaires or anything but they can afford niceties. Fraos is homeschooled by their dad who is pretty good at it. Their dad is a chicken avian like them and his name ... is David (I suck ass at coming up with masc names sorry). Once Fraos is 'graduated' from secondary (I am going to use the Flander's school system fuck you guys with ur highschool and shit) they decide they want to go to college and live on their own during that. They also wanna try and live off their own money, so while their dad provides the money needed to attend college and the first month or two of rent, Fraos gets 2 jobs. A day and a night job. the day job is working at a cat shelter, and the night job is working at a night cafe (idk if this actually exists but in the first itteration of the story it was a bar but that doesnt fit in with my current vision). The only reason they do 2 jobs it purely because they want to, even though 1 would suffice. At college they are studying photography, and then we are in the present day in canon. I hope that's a bit clear.

One thing I didnt mention is that their mom died when they were like 3-4 years old so I thought I'd say that real quick. Their mom was a snow owl avian

I'll write out their story eventually and then post it on ao3 and link to that here :)

Alternate universes:

Okay so Fraos is in 2 alternate universes and 1 au that is kinda not an au but it's complicated, and I'm also going to add summaries to those stories here bc im on a roll anyway

Starting off the the au but not an au bc the other two aus are loosely based on this on. This is the story I have made with a couple of friends over the past like 4 years or so about our minecraft SMPs. We are on our 4th one right now, and I'll only be talking about that one bc Fraos wasnt a thing in the first 3, rather it was a different oc whom I killed off in the 3rd smp. I am however not going to explain the entire story and setting bc then I'd still be writing by tomorrow

Fraos goes through roughly the same stuff as in the original story, but instead of wanting to go to college they wanna go explore the world, so they do. Eventually at some point they get knocked out off the air by some wind and crash into a little camp. This camp is from a group of travelers who are searching for the Farlands, and Fraos decided to join them because it's a great way to explore. Eventually they all give up on their search, especially bc there are some elders who are on the verge off death. (I mean they do die somewhat but that's too long to explain and not important rn). they all settle near eachother, Fraos settling in a small mountain area. Semi important is that they arent used to being around other people so they may or may not spy on people to see how to act. Anyway and bunch of stuff happens and eventually a tech guy named Ximie wages war on the non tech people, which are Elmo Jr. and, well, Fraos. Somehow. I actually dont know bc we never write this shit out and it makes me forget what the consensus is. Anyway uuhmm sort of nuken and nuclear warfare blabla bla they all have to move bc their homes are destroyed fromm the war and they go to a desert (for some reason all of them idk). Fraos is really upset that their home got destroyed and is now trying their best to recover.

Might make a ref sheet later bc the outfits are different here

The next au is my from one to another au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/4077508). Just know that they're a wizard mage whatever and they lived on a ship before they docked long time in the primary location of the story. I made this design in gacha life 2 so here you go:

It's a bit outdated tbh cuz they DEF would not wear a skirt (i dont even know what that outfit is for anymore) but yeah. I cannot draw that hat for shit so this is all you get.

And then the last au, my personal favourite is my I love my wife au (https://archiveofourown.org/series/4419658) which is just pure self-indulgence and me trying to write a romantic relationship shipping mine and my online wife's ocs (we arent actually together btww thought I'd mention that. she does have a girlfriend and everything I write is just fiction, not RPF)

Here the story is exactely the same as the original, except they meet Smiley and everything. If you wanna know more just read it, but know 99% of it was written around or past midnight. I didnt write everything in chronological order and i keep procrastinating on making a list with everything in order sooooo just figure it out tbh

Here their design is just the same as the original

Thanks for reading my yap 🙏

[actualbird]

how do you think giann-vyn and marius-vyn interactions differ? like vyn's thoughts on the brothers and etc.? if marius and giann were both over at vyn's how would they interact? one of my favorite hc rn is vyn sometimes having to force himself to remember that "Marius isn't Giann" whenever Marius does/says something Giann would do.

OHHHHH THIS IS SUCH AN INTERESTING ASK, I LOVE THISSSS and im especially glad i got this after i played marius' personal story 4 and i got that one giann crumb line from austin that i Cannot stop thinking about, this one

which REALLY made me rethink how i interpret my free-real-estate characterization of giann. and also uh...made me tangent into just a whole long response about some other stuff so

a headcanon post that got out of hand: vyn & giann vs. vyn & marius: similarities, loyalties, differences

wc: 1.5k (sorry, i didnt know this would get this long either)

-

like, okay, for starters, i do wanna talk about their similarities

it's already canon that giann has a playful prankster side to him just like marius does, shown in SSR Will Of The Trees where giann told tiny!marius his rash was from a poisonous plant and not just a common rash ajhksvjhfvaksKJGK. i rlly loved that bit, i think this is true for all von hagens, theyre all little shits

more on an hc side now though, i like to think marius and giann have a lot of smaller similarities in small habits simply by virtue of being siblings and small habits very easily crossover to one another. stuff like maybe they both fidget with pens in similar ways or they both have the tendency to focus v much on work or a task that they forget to sleep. what giann does, marius sees, and year after year some of those things he not only learns but ends up doing himself as well.

tiny aside related to above bullet point, i think theyd have similar ways of Talking. like, the cadence and word choice and stuff. this is wholly just cuz i myself have 3 siblings and we all talk with similar syntaxes jhavksjhfvkahjsfva

now, with those in mind, it's super obvious that either brother could remind another person of the other brother!

which......might be a sore spot for both vyn and marius during the Giann Is Missing era

for marius, well. i already spoke at length here and here about a possible inferiority complex that could totally mess him up if he lets it take root and grow

and for vyn.....ive been thinking a bunch about vyn's relationship with giann. like, in the whole brewing nxx civil war of team giann vs team neil (irt whos the bad guy! who sold out the other!) clearly marius is on team giann and artem is on team neil and vyn seems....largely neutral, fittingly playing the adjudicator before mc and luke join the team

but hes not neutral. cuz he Knew both neil and giann before they disappeared, the vyn-giann-neil trie Were the nxx team before the others came in (mentioned in main story 6.1 or 6.2, ive got a bad memory).

and with that in mind, vyn actually seems to have his loyalty towards a certain direction already: to the von hagens

vyn seems closer to giann and/or seems more aligned with the von hagens cuz

most obvious: //gestures at GIANNOVYN MENTAL HEALTH RESEARCH CENTER my god u guys rlly could not think of a better name but just mushing ur names together?? im never getting over that jkhvkajhsvfkjas

2nd most obvious: hes currently marius' tutor. honestly at this point i almost forgot about this bit, are they still having classes?? SO MUCH ELSE IS GOING ON RN FOR THEM AJHVFAJK

probably wasnt obvious at all but it has always been living in my mind rent free since september of last year: in the very first scene Mysteries of the Lost Gold where the team squabbles, vyn said he could easily just call austin if marius didnt wanna give him an invite to nosta. very funny moment, i love that bit so much. but also huh, vyn is close enough to austin von hagen that he can call the dude?? and it wasnt a bluff, becaue marius reacted in a way that implied vyn totally had the capability (and that marius didnt want it to happen). so vyn must have some kind of communication/acquaintance with austin that vyn could call about something completely unrelated (sidenote: this is hilarious now that i think about it. can you imagine being marius. ur tutor who is also ur work colleague who is also somebody ur kinda a bitch to and hes a bitch right back at you, this person can cALL UR DAD?? rip marius lol)

i went on a tangent there, i was sposed to focus on giann but then i zoomed out but YEAH. vyn has some level of closeness with the von hagens

and i think that started with giann

SO LIKE, working backwards....vyn moved to stellis in 2028. on The Same Year, he also co-founded the research center with giann.

and, my god, from a purely logistical standpoint, that was fast!! but from a trust standpoint, that was also fast irt vyn connecting with another person since we all know he can be a cagey motherfucker. so giann must have been one really frigging charming person to get vyn richter of all people to be his friend (at most) or trusted colleague (minimum)!!! and vyn, for all his elegance and stuff, seems like a very ride-or-die friend once he admits to himself that he is indeed attached somehow to another human being. ive got a bunch of hcs actually on how they met but thats for a fanfic writing day, not this post

anyway, why did i bring all that up? mostly cuz i forgot what i was writing about. BUT ALSO just to hammer home the emotional stake vyn may or may not have in the Giann Is Missing ordeal.

cuz like...being annoyed at marius for being too similar to giann is one thing. but being annoyed at marius for being too similar to giann who could have most probably been the first person vyn managed to connect with on some level (be it professional or a friendship thing) well...thats a whole Other Thing Altogether

anyway, the key difference between giann and marius thats already So Much to explore was already said. austin's line, "[Giann] is too kind and honest. He is not as rational as [Marius]. [Marius] knows how to hide his joys and frustrations."

(SIDENOTE: of course we, the players, know that marius is very kind and honest and shows his joys and frustrations. but he doesnt show that face at first, thats only reserved for people he trusts. for everybody else, marius acts in whatever way gets him the advantage. which...sound familiar? the marius that austin describes has a lot in similar with vyn. hides things to protect the self or others, rational and thinking, keeps the heart not on the sleeve but somewhere more guarded. those are vyn qualities as well as marius qualities. and the flipside is that giann (as described by austin) could very well have been vyn's opposite)

so now with all that laid down, let me finally answer your question HAHAHJKSDHFVJKDSHA

vyn's reactions to marius during the Giann Is Missing Era

upon meeting marius for the first time, i assume vyn's reaction would be a mix of relief and disdain. relief because ah, this one is like how vyn expects most people to be. but disdain because this one wears a similar face to somebody who mattered to vyn, and he is so different that it hurts. marius has giann's hair color, giann's eye color, sometimes marius talks like how giann would or would joke like how giann would. but marius still could not be any more different than giann. so in these early days, the separation between the two brothers is clear. theyre not the same person at all.

of course, as vyn and marius spend more time together, marius' mask chips away due to trust and the wonderful magic of friendship. and then things get more complicated. because at this point, vyn is much surer that marius is his own person thanks to all the team has been through, all vyn has witnessed of marius, and the such. and once marius is comfortable showing his own honesty and kindness in a less guarded way, it hurts all over again for vyn. he knows logically marius and giann are different people but god, the similarities would make vyn miss giann even more

how vyn's interactions differ

we already know how vyn interacts with marius (i.e. elegant roasting, respectful when it comes to work, vaguely annoyed whenever marius is indeed being annoying) so i move on

vyn and giann...now this is something ive got no canon basis for since we dont have any canon scene where vyn interacts with giann like in a flashback or something, but given that giann was a more open person who entered vyn's life earlier, i figure vyn wouldnt be as....thorny. maybe a little more honest, maybe a little more comfy as well to indulge in some of the playful shithead-ness giann has.

how vyn would react once giann is no longer missing and he and marius are in the same room

vyn's mind just goes:

two of them

as you can see i lost steam towards the end here JKHVKJSHFKDSJ but i hope something in this response was interesting to read. thank you for the ask, anon!! :D

[heyitsyn]

Prove Me Wrong

M!Reader x Oikawa

a/n: SDKLFJSLDKFJDLSKF OKAY I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE I LAST UPDATED BUT I REALLY INVESTED MY TIME INTO RESEARCHING AND READING FANFICS WITH AN M!READER BC I REALLY DIDNT WANNA GET IT WRONG SO I APOLOGIZE IF I DID SOMETHING WRONG AND I HOPE THIS ANON LIKES IT!!!

anon:

-heres an interesting thought. what about flamboyant oikawa with a cold boyfriend😳😳

YEYYY I FINALLY UPDATED

LETS GET STARTED SHALL WE?

okayokayokay

so in the request above

this is a m!reader

meaning you will be male in this one so hehe yep the story starts now

you are,,,

distant

and cold

but its mainly just because you were,,,

too tired to actually put in the effort of socializing

between bouncing between part-time jobs to care for your siblings and to schoolwork and book club

the mans can only do so much

so you spend most of your time in school just trying to catch up on sleep bc youre too busy studying up all night for exams since yanno

✨gRaDuaATiOn✨

unfortunately for you, your class had the famous manwhore oikawa tooru

why is that a bad thing?

well, imagine just trying to get some shut eye and suddenly, you just hear a bunch of screaming girls and it gets louder the closer the guy approaches your classroom and when he opens it,

the screams become 10x bass boosted

then imagine that with your sensitive hearing

now,,

it does bother you but it wouldnt bother you as much if he told them to leave

BUT NOOOOOO

he decides to let them in and chat with them and flatter them and continue with that bs until the bell rings

even then,

the girls in your class cant help but keep giggling at him and he always whispers in that obnoxious voice and youre just like two seconds away from ripping his tongue out

now

you dont hate him

you just genuinely dislike his way of living

and the way he talks

and the way he acts

yea see?

no hate

theres a difference

then there was that one time that you got so fed up with it that when oikawa settled on his seat and the fangirls circled him like some cult

they started talking to him all at once trying to get his attention

so it was a garbled mess of sounds and you growled, burying your face deeper in your arms because you would snap really really soon

then one girl shrieked when oikawa smiled at her and then you really just let go of all bearings

your chair made a squeak as you shot up, palms slamming against the wooden desk and your eyes glaring straight at them

‘go back to the farm, ya squealing pigs’

DSKFJLSDFKJSDFKDJS SORRY I LOVE TSUMU

this made everyone silent-even the others in the class just minding their own business

they all knew you as the quiet kid who didnt really talk much but those who did were really scared at you and the way you talked to them with such a cold and monotonous voice that they started spreading rumors about you

even absurd ones like your eyes are so cold bc youve killed so many people that you have no life and empathy left

LIKE WHAT THE HECK YOU STRUGGLED TO GET A SPIDER OUT OF YOUR SISTERS ROOM THE OTHER DAY LIKE EXCUSE YOU

but apparently they were just,,, so scared of you that when you finally got done with them and bursted out, the girls started crying

YALL KNOW THE SAYING LIKE HELL HAS STARTED WHEN THE QUIET KID SNAPS

the females run out of the room scared and the others nervously looks at you

your eyes sweeped through the room and each one of them flinched when you made eye contact with them

YES ASSERT OUR DOMINANCE M/N

the only who didnt was oikawa tooru himself

your eyes landed on him and he still had that stupid smug look on his stupidly gorgeous face and you wanted to ki-WAIT NO SLAP it off of him

‘the hell you looking at?’

you grumbled at him and he just merely shook his head with a smile

‘you remind me a chihuahua, m/n-chan. so cute when its angry’

‘HAH?!’

now it isnt a surprise to hear oikawa tooru say that to a boy bc wowza the school loves him so much that hes a bi icon in seijoh and hes such a king like who cares?

but they were surprised to see you turn red, the tips of your ears to the base of your neck were all flushed

‘see? so cute, right, everyone?’

KSDFJLSDKJFS

THE NERVE OF THIS MAN

the class didnt say anything except just put their heads down bc as much as they wanted to agree with oikawa at how suddenly hot you looked, they were too scared that you might plummet their faces to the ground

maybe thats when everyone started noticing you more

again, you were very quiet, you didnt talk much, you just sat there and listened so obviously you didnt really stand out but then that outburst made you more noticeable

you started seeing girls in your class staring at you then blush and look away abashedly

then the guys in your class started greeting you, even people in the hallways

ngl the attention you suddenly got was overwhelming

especially when oikawa seemed to call out to you all the time now

as you were walking down the stairs, hed see you and he’d shout and wave to you

‘m/n-chan! hiii!!!!’

his loud voice would make everyone turn and look at you and you dont do well with public attention so you turn red and you glare at him

‘shut the hell up, idiot. and dont call me by my first name. we’re not friends’

you turned to walk in the classroom but you looked at him again after taking a few steps

there he was

smiling and giggling with those girls

all he does is smile and giggle and shit

its so damn fake that you cant believe everyone fell for it and the worst thing is oikawa’s doing it to get everyone’s acceptance and validication

it was pathetic and disgusting

poor oikawa :(

now on to baby flatttykawa side,

he was kinda hurt by that

like how the heck are you not friends when youve been going to high school for 3 years?

sure, its only been casual greetings and him waving at you when yall made eye contact

but its still something, right?

right?

when you walked back into the classroom, tooru cant help but feel down at the declaration of the lack of friendship you had

his form slouched and his eyes trailed down but the voice of some girl brought him back to where he was and to fix his attitude

‘oikawa-san? are you okay?’

the others muttered in concern with her but they were eased when he raised a peace sign with the signature smile 

‘yep! all good!’

GOD I REALLY CANT STAND IT WHEN HE USES A FACADE TO EVERYONE BUT LIKE I LOVE HIM SO MUCH BC HES SUCH A STRONG CHARACTER THAT DOESNT BREAK AND HES SO INSECURE AND IT PAINS ME SO MUCH THAT HE FEELS THE NEED TO HIDE BEHIND A MASK EVERYDAY AND AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

truth be told,

oikawa has always noticed you

not only do you work at the one bakery with his milk bread but you also work at the convenience store that the team sometimes visits

then he also noticed you picking up your brother from the volleyball practice that takeru’s part of and he cant help but frown at the eyebags under your eyes that he always sees

he lies awake at night just thinking how you would look without those eyebags, without the sickly looking complexion, or even just the lack of life in your eyes

then during class, you sat by the window

tooru knows this bc his eyes always fixes itself on you whenever he opens that door and he has to hold in the need to hug you when he sees you sleeping on your desk

others might call you lazy

others might call you a video game all nighter kid

but they dont notice the things you do

the nervous habits hes seen from you at the times that tooru couldnt help but stare

he knew it was creepy to do it

but you were so silent

you blended yourself into the background and you made sure to stay there 

thats why nobody knows anything about you

with good looks like yours and a smart brain (he knew this from mattsun and makki being your students), why exactly were you not known?

maybe thats why it drew you to him

all his life he chased, 

but now hes the one chasing?

tooru knows that your left eyebrow lifts when sensei writes something you dont understands

tooru knows that you like to do sudoku in the convenience store while you worked

tooru knows you eat the same meal during lunch every day from the same lunchbox

and he also knows that your brother talks so highly about you from takeru

the little things your brother brags about like your ability to cook f/f or your weird ability to just assemble something without looking at the instruction manual

he notices and knows all these things about you

things that people never really even bothered to 

oikawa didnt even know he liked you until iwaizumi pointed it out during lunch

the third years liked to go and eat at the rooftop where it was nice and windy

oikawa was sitting and leaned against the tall wire fence, his eyes fixated on you down below on the bench as you ate your lunch

then you accidentally loosened the chopsticks causing your food to slip off

that made oikawa giggle

he was chuckling and giggling that the others noticed him when he suddenly went quiet

‘oi, oikawa’

makki nudged him back to them and tooru flinched before smiling at them

‘hm? so you do notice me!’

iwa glared

‘idiot. of course we do. youre laughing over there like some damn schoolgirl. did one of your fangirls posses you or something? if not, cut it out. its ugly’

oikawa shot him an offended look

‘what?! iwa-chan so mean!’

mattsun took the liberty to peer over the edge to see what he was looking at and smirked

‘eh? were you looking at l/n-sensei?’

oikawa blushed, feeling like he just got caught doing something bad

‘and what about it? im looking at you too, right now, mattsun!’

makki cackled at oikawa’s poor attempt of reasoning

‘i mean, i dont blame you. if issei wasnt here, id definitely get with him’

SEDKLFJSDLFISDKFJ MATTSUHANA YALL :”)

oikawa’s eyes wandered back down to you and he noticed you put the bento box to the side before sneezing

‘gosh, even his sneeze is cute’

he mumbled then jolted when he heard his own words 

iwa sighed

‘what are we going to do with you, shittykawa?’

‘what?! what did i do?!’

iwa’s eyes scrunched and he scrutinized his best friend

‘boke. i feel bad for that kid, doesnt know this stupid idiot likes him’

so thats how oikawa came to terms of it

he thought he was just interested and fascinated with you but he really does like you

and to be honest, he doesnt really want you to know that bc duh, you dont like him so why bother?

baby oiks doesnt interact with you much anymore bc he knows you get uncomfy with attention but he still does look out for you and decides he should just admire from afar

he will live every day just holding his feelings in for you and one day they will disappear

but today just wasnt the day

maybe today was the start of the worst yet the best part of your life

last night was particularly rough as the convenience store you worked in had a drunk person who wanted to fight with you and your manager had to call the police and it was just a mess

to add on to it, midterms were around the corner-like next week- so you were studying up for that

but your sister got sick so you were also trying to take care of her and making sure her fever was going down and her crying ever few hours about her tummy ache didnt allow you to sleep

hehehe single parent working late tingz

ALSO SHE DOESNT HAVE MISS RONA JFC

so yep haha you did NOT get any sleep

so you walked into school that morning, looking tired as hell and mad as hell but you just wanted to sleep bro

the one kid you tutor, matsukawa issei, and his friend who usually tags along, hanamaki takahiro, noticed you dazedly pass them in the hallway and poor dudes felt bad for you

mattsun actually pays you to tutor him bc he knows you need the money while taka preferred to buy you snacks and drinks as compensation

so it was normal that he had an energy drink in his bag that he was going to give you tomorrow during your tutoring day

‘oi! l/n!’

your head perked up at the call of your name and you nodded in greeting at the light brown haired boy

‘hey’

you muttered and mattsun placed his hands on your shoulder to keep you upright

‘oi, l/n, you sure you want to be here? you can go home and we can tell them youre sick or some-’

but you waved your hand

‘nonono todays an important lecture so i cant miss it’

the two guys didnt look convinced but they respected your need to be in school since they too need to be in class for midterms

‘here. at least take this’

makki placed a drink on your hand and you nodded and gave them a small smile

‘thanks’

you mumbled before wandering off

once they saw you at a distance away, makki wrapped an arm around issei to get his attention

‘ya think we should tell oikawa to keep an eye on him? make sure he doesnt keel over and die or somethin?’

mattsun stopped before nodding

‘yea thats a good idea’

SKLFJLSDKJFD NOT MATTSUHANA BEING YOUR PARENTS

oikawa was already in class when you walked in and he cant help but tear his eyes away from the girls to you as you sluggishly walked to your seat

the drop of your bag and the thud of your head meeting the desk made him worried bc you looked worse than usual

his phone buzzed and he checked it to see a message from mattsun

‘keep an eye out for your boyfriend. mightve been working late last night and yanno how he is. just watch out if he faints or something’

okay that made him super worried

totally ignoring what mattsun called you, oikawa knew he needed to talk to you

but these fangirls were the first problem

he shut his phone off and looked up at them with a grin that made them madly blush

‘ladies, class is about to start. oikawa-senpai would hate for you to be marked. so study hard for me, okay?’

like hypnotized cult members, the girls ran to their classrooms and tooru finally had the opportunity to talk to you

he stood up and walked over to your seat

‘m/n-chan’

he called out, looking down at you

‘m/n-chan’

he tried again and was about to put a hand on your shoulder when your hand snatched it

‘dont touch me, oikawa’

you grumbled and tooru furrowed his eyebrows

‘m/n-chan, i just wanted to ask if youre okay’

he whined and you didnt bother to look up but just let go of his hand

‘i was until you came over, idiot’

ouch

tooru was thankful that the teacher came in then and there bc he didnt know how to respond to that

he wanted to brush it off but it hurt him a little

and he knows he shouldnt entertain his crush on you but he couldnt looking at you and watching as you got up to use the bathroom 

as class went on, oikawa was starting to worry

now again, hes no stalker bc his observation skills were just phenomenal due to volleyball

so he noticed that youve been in the bathroom for like 20 minutes now

DONT JUDGE US, OIKAWA. WE’RE JUST TRYING TO PUSH OUT THE BIG PIECE OF-

okay nevermind

anyways

tooru, worried that something happened, raised his hand to go and use the bathroom and the sensei wasnt exactly paying attention so he just let him go

thank god he has long legs bc he was able to reach the bathroom quick and he stifled a shriek when he saw your passed out form inside

‘M/N-CHAN!’

he yelled and he cursed when duh you were alone and who knows how long youve been there

and ew bathroom floors is bleh

you were in no way light but you werent exactly heavy either so he was able to muster up all his strength and hoisted you on his back

tooru’s heart thrummed in his chest and he knew it couldnt be that serious but he cant help but think of the worst

and yep

the nurse just told him that your heartbeat was okay and you were snoring so you mustve been exhausted by the dark circles in your eyes

‘keep an eye on him for me. i have to tend to midoriya over there. the kid broke his arm again and i dont know how’

she grumbled at the end but tooru didnt care as he sat on the chair next to your bed

he sighed before laying his head on the cot by your hand

his eyes settled on your face and how peaceful it looked

gosh, you really were so cute

your personality just sucked ass

constantly telling him to shut up and calling him idiot

hmph

not long after oikawa fell asleep, you woke up and cursed, immediately realizing you fainted and you missed class

as you were going to rub your eye, there was weight on your hand and you looked down to see a head full of brown hair that could only belong to a certain someone

a certain idiot

‘oi. oikawa, wake up’

you shook his head and when he didnt budge, you just pulled your hand from under him making him jump awake

at first, he was confused

looking around like a lost puppy and his eyes bleary

yea it was cute and what about it

then he noticed you sitting up and he smiled

‘you feeling better, m/n-chan?’

he asked, leaning close 

but you placed your hand on his face to push him away

‘yea. and stop leaning so close, idiot’

you grumbled and he whined

‘youre so mean, m/n-chan! i was so worried about you!’

he complained and you rolled your eyes

‘i didnt ask you to be, idiot’

SLDKFJSDLKFJKL M/N IS SO MEAN WHAT THE FAK

oikawa frowned

‘i cant help it. i like you, m/n-chan’

you froze, looking at him with scrunched eyebrows

then you chuckled dryly

‘yea, okay sure. im okay now so you can go to class’

wOW OIKAWA DESERVES BETTER WHAT

tooru was taken aback

‘wh-what? thats it? after i just told you that i liked you?’

you blinked at him

‘what do you want me to say about that, oikawa? how do you want me to react? im not like your fangirls, squealing and shit’

your words cut deep in him and oikawa held your arm

‘no wait a minute. what do you mean by that? do you not believe me?’

‘who the hell believes something that’s fake?’

there was a snip in your tone and oikawa knew you were talking about this facade of his

‘what? i-’

‘you think i believe you? you telling me you like me? do you even know who you are?’

you asked and tooru sniffled, eyes staring at your chest

‘for years, you told people what you wanted them to hear, regardless if you meant them or not. not once have you ever told them no. who the hell accepts chocolates when they dont even like them to begin with?’

at that last part, oikawa snapped up to meet your eyes

‘how did you know’

you rolled your eyes

‘our brothers are friends, idiot. he gave him some of the chocolates you gave to takeru since the brat couldnt eat them all’

oddly, that brought some warmth in tooru’s chest

so he wasnt the only one who knows the stupid stuff

but you continued on your rant

‘for a guy who doesnt like sweet stuff, youve accepted their nasty treats all the time, like why? oh, wait i know why, because you want them to like you. it doesnt matter if-if this-this persona of yours isnt real because as long as they like you, you dont give a fuck. isn’t that true? am i right? because please, prove me wrong’

maybe your dislike for him came out at that tangent and you half expected him to cry but you were surprised when he glared at you with teary eyes

‘i will. ill prove you wrong, m/n, that i do like you and i will make you like me. ill make you like me with the real me. i swear.’

‘mhm. okay. sure, oikawa’

do you regret it?

i mean,,,

kinda?

but not really?

because you loved watching the girls faces fall when oikawa rejected their treats the next day

you were walking to class when you noticed him with his cult by the entrance and you saw him smiling at some girl before gently pushing away a can of cookies

‘gomen. i actually dont like sweets that much anymore. if you want, you can give me milk bread?’

you stopped and oikawa caught your eye and he grinned

you nodded in greeting before continuing to walk

but he noticed a small smile on your face and gosh oikawa sighed like a lovesick fool

it took iwaizumi to finally send him back and his fangirls were looking at him worriedly

‘could you be less obvious, shittykawa?’

rip iwaizumi hajime in episode 546546546 of daily adventures of oikawa tooru

you noticed that oikawa has started to become distant with his fangirls and hes been sticking to you during lunch, leaving behind the others

makki and mattsun looked like proud parents as they peered down over to you flicking oikawa’s forehead and they smiled

‘god, that kid deserves this’

‘hah? that sounds like more of a punishment to me. but i dont care. it takes him off our hands for a while’

IWA I SWEAR HES SO MEAN BUT HE STILL WUVS TOORU SO ITS OKAY

oikawa would pick your brother up and take him home when youre too busy to go get him yourself and sometimes, he even takes your little sister too which causes them to have a mini sleepover and you sleep there too

also, whenever youre working in the convenience store, tooru would buy sandwhiches and a drink just for you so you can eat them while youre on break and not have to waste money and you told himyou dont want him spending money on you but he doesnt wanna hear it

‘i dont want you buying me-’

‘ssshhhh dont. im doing this because i want to and becaus i care for you, m/n-chan’

overtime, 

yea

sure

youve started to like him

youve started looking forward to seeing his stupidly cute face and his stupidly cute giggle

you went to his games and gave him a tight hug when hes about to play as a ritual for good luck and you would open your arms for him wide whenever he wins

then he didnt

against shiratorizawa, you noticed how he was so disappointed

even as you walked home with him, he continued to smile and tell you how good his team played

until you couldnt take it anymore

you pulled him over to some alleyway and you pushed him to the wall

DSKLFJLSDKFJLSDFJ WOW WHAT

oikawa nervously fiddled with his jacket and gave you a shaky smile

‘m/n-chan, what are you-’

‘tell me what youre feeling right here, right now. no bullshit, no lies, tell me everything in that pretty head of yours’

you deadpanned and tooru looked away

‘im fine’

‘are you lying to me, tooru?’

your voice was even but he could tell you were serious

he gulped before taking in a shakey breath

‘im fine. so stop asking about it!’

he exclaimed and you sighed

‘listen, i know its not official yet but you want me to be your boyfriend right?’

tooru flinched before he flushed at the word ‘boyfriend’ 

then he nodded

‘as your boyfriend, you have to lean on me, tooru. i dont want you to hold it to yourself because i wanna be there for you and i want to go through everything with you because i,,,,,’

you stopped and hesitated, debating if you should say it or not

‘because i like you, idiot’

you confessed and swallowed thickly

oikawa met your eye and his eyes watered

‘im so angry! im so disappointed! but i know my team did their 110 percent! we’re just not strong enough! so its not their fault! but ushijima is such a freak and hes too strong and its not fair!’

he complained and he cried loudly

not once in the 3 years of knowing oikawa have you seen him cry and you were so proud of him for being able to trust you enough to show him being vulnerable

you rushed forward held him close to your chest

‘for what it’s worth, you looked so incredibly hot and cute playing’

you whispered and pecked his neck 

of course oikawa couldnt hold his surprise at the feeling of your lips on his neck so he squealed a little

you gigled and continued holding your boyfriend close, even if it was at some nasty alleyway

yall became official and ngl, they didnt see this coming

some nobody dating the grand king oikawa tooru?

what in the wattpad?

yall know that tiktok of like ‘guys you cant dm me anymore. i have a girlfriend now. what else? and i love her’

IF YALL DONT KNOW IM SORRY

but you totally made oikawa tell his fangirls that

YOU KNOW THE FUNNY THING?

when yall became official, you actually gained your own little fanclub

maybe its because you gained clout from your boyfriend but they started noticing you and wowza you were hot

before, it was you getting jealous over tooru but now, it was him getting possessive of you

hes such a brat that he sits on your lap before class and youre just all smirking and feeling all good bc your baby is so cute when hes jealous

YOU CANT DISAGREE THAT HE DOESNT RADIATE UKE ENERGY

but all oiks has to do is pull down your collar and expose your purple littered collarbones and they will know who you belong to

theres a reason why iwa-chan is now the kids babysitter

youre still kinda cold and distant to people but youre soft for your baby and you always hold him close when hes in sight and you just cant get enough of him

:’)

also!! 

your sister loves dressing you up and oikawa has his sisters makeup and they both do your makeup and you guys have tea party with the boys and just the cutest domestic stuff

you still call him idiot though

but like affectionately yanno?

and over the years youve turned it down to dummy

and ngl tooru loves it when you call him that

what in the dumbification-

because he knows that equivalent to babe from you and he absolutely just loves you lmao

youre def the more quieter and calmer one in the relationship like you absolutely dont react much

while tooru is the overreactor and hes very animated with his facial expressions and stuff

like the one time

he was cooking some chicken pasta and you cheekily grabbed a piece of chicken and he made a dramatic gasp

‘*le gasp* oikawa m/n how dare steal a piece of chicken!’

you cackled before crossing your arms at the sight ofyour lover with his pursed lips and hands on his hips

‘excuse you. its more of you who’d take my last name’

it was so easy to make him flustered and tooru quickly turned around to tend back to the food but he was really just hiding his red face

‘b-baka. thats not going to happen’

‘not if i do it first’

you shrugged and smirked, wondering if he will fall for it

and as expected with oikawa tooru

‘yea okay sure’

‘i will!’

‘prove me wrong, m/n-chan~’

‘turn around right now’

oikawa rolled his eyes playfully before turning with a smile

‘what are you-*le gasp part 2*’

his hands covered his mouth at the sight of you there in front of him, kneeling on your knee tightly clutching a silver ring between your thumb and index finger

your heart was thrumming in your chest but you gulped and smiled

‘i win. now marry me, dummy’

oikawa screamed

a/n: sorry if this sucked booty :((( but i just really like the thought of uke oikawa and just him with a cute boyfriend for a change like please we all know oikawa is a bi king and thats on docosahexaenoic acid

[pilothusband]

i like what you said about the Pedro/Rittenhouse tweet situation, because im so anxious right now because of the stuff people are saying towards Pedro and im very bad at handling these types of situations and i wish i didnt feel so anxious but i do. He isnt the only celebrity to speak about it and im sure he isnt the only one getting hate for it, but fuck, i really hate it and how people are saying such horrible things about him. Its like Pedro was on this pedestal and as soon as he did something people didnt like, they crucified him for it. idk what he knew about the men he posted about, but if he knew their backgrounds, why tf would he knowingly post it? i dont understand how people think celebrities know everything or wont make any mistakes. This situation is especially hard for me because its on a very triggering topic and din gives me endless comfort for it and now im worried disney will fire him for it, or people making it out like hes "bad like those men" which ngl, has been my last straw. i jus hate this so much and im really bad with my feelings. Sorry to bug you with it. Youre awesome. That is all

hi bb!!! your feelings are so so valid, trust me, but remember those who are attacking him are willingly trying to delegitimize a human rights movement. disney is a corporation that has an extremely murky history, especially when it comes to racism and antisemitism.

disney isn’t going to risk putting themselves in a bad light again, hence why they fired gina carano when she posted an extremely antisemitic instagram story. she was fired because she kept opening her stupid mouth and they had no other choice but to fire her.

maybe i’ve managed to curate my online experience, but from what i’ve seen, anyone with a single brain cell has been able to use their critical thinking skills to deduce that pedro obviously wasn’t advocating for p*dophilia/dv. it’s the quintessential half-baked republican argument where they attempt to silence progressive voices by being “woke” and everyone sees right through it. no one knew anything about those guys when they were killed, other than the fact that they were killed for protesting.

when you really think about it, these people are out here advocating for murder. kyle rittenhouse didn’t fire into a protest knowing those dudes did shitty stuff. he was out there to kill because he’s a hateful, racist piece of trash.

disney, while being a shitbag capitalist hellscape, is smart enough to know they would be stupid to fire him. additionally, the average every day person isn’t hyper-focused on pedro and this noise isn’t even on their radar.

anyways tl;dr anyone worth talking to and associating with doesn’t hate pedro for this (tbh no one does, it’s just a bunch of trolls trying to stir up a controversy) and disney knows better.

it’s going to be okay, boo. as someone who is very sensitive to these kinds of things and who also loves pedro very much, your anxiety is so valid. but i hope this helped assuage some of that anxiety.

[protagonistheavy]

Finished Three Houses and also season two of Kipo. And both were disappointing! But neither were bad experiences! Just lackluster! Yeah! Im gonna talk about 3H first.

3H was a fun experience, but it's a let-down how suddenly it grinds to a halt. I totally spent way too much of this game overthinking stuff, especially since at the end of the game, it doesn't seem like there's anything else to push for. It doesn't seem like there's ANYTHING to do on a completed save file, except beat the final mission again. Unless Im missing something?

But if that is it, just that, then... dang. That sucks. Feels like I spent so much time playing so meticulously, only for the game to have given me no reason to care since nothing comes after that point. I guess there's new game+ to look forward to, but, sorry, Im not really interested in playing 3H again. I had my fun, I think it'd be cute to see the other routes, but the whole experience isnt worth multiple run throughs imo. I can already get the feeling that I know what to expect from the other routes, so it'd be very repetitive for someone like me...

It sucks that because of this route-split storytelling, a singular route gives you a faulty amount of information to complete one story. There are so, so many fucking loose threads that will just remain a mystery to me until I read it up on a wiki, because I'm just not gonna be assed to play the other routes to fill in the gaps. God knows I wouldnt even remember all the holes of information Ive noticed in Edlegard's route.

Even then, even if I knew all the lore, the story I saw just wasnt exciting. After the timeskip, it felt like I was disconnected from the world, and just didnt care about things as much. It just felt like a bunch of steps forward, with no serious twists to really make me reconsider the story... No, all the twists are done by the mid-point, and the rest is just going through the tRaGeDy of wartime. Very overdramatic monologues fill the runtime of the game, with characters just constantly repeating what the next mission is about... what the overall reason for the war is...... how everyone wants the war to be over........ The status quo just never gets rattled, not like how it does in the first half. The plot with Edlegard's uncle goes literally nowhere, the plot with "those who slither in the dark" is just an epilogue note, nothing comes back regarding the Yellow Guy........... Even your marriage to a unit is just slapped on at the end, nothing more than just a page of one-sided dialogue from the one character. Groooooaaaaaan.

So many bad decisions come up in this game to sour it. So many great ideas underutilized. I hope the next FE game can learn a lot about 3H, because it made a lot of excellent choices in some regards, and mistakes in others that can easily be fixed going forward. But honestly, the most crippling flaw in the game is just how rushed it clearly was, with story routes that end abruptly, cutscenes that are pasted together, dialogue that is unrefined from characters that lack charm, bloated mechanics that make the game too easy, and clashing tones that take away from the story's better moments.

Id love to see a future installment revisit the academy aspect of the game. Garreg Mach was a great idea and I dont hate its implementation, but it needs some serious polish. I love the idea of a hub location that you live in, so take it to the next level. If the area is going to be big, make it meaningfully big with locations you WANT to visit. More minigames and more events you can take part in. Maybe instead of summarizing everything by weeks, just play it out day-by-day; seriously, the micromanaging to teaching your units what to specialize in, maximizing your free time slots to make the most of your time leading up to a mission, was really engaging! I hope to see more of that come back, maybe a game focused on you teaching multiple generations of students. And remove the teacher-student romances, like, ugh, I could stomach it in 3H since I just sorta had to, but next game, maybe focus on a handful of avatar-NPC romances between the teachers/staff? Less options, but better crafted developments. So much about 3H would be great if they made some wiser decisions, and maybe gave the game one extra year in the oven to be optimized.

[rainingspellforlove]

change.

he never knew there will be someone who changes his life completely. someone who makes him feel loved. and someone who finally makes him fall in love. 

so from now on, don't let go of this hand when I'm with you, all my worries disappears, my life has changed, I will change your life too so that your beautiful image can last forever

Super Junior D&E - Change

sometimes when life gets too hard, you will not care at all about love. your priority will change. solving life problems first then love is the last. lee hyukjae never experienced how to love and being loved by someone. he’s always alone and had like few friends. he didnt care. he went to college and always sits alone. he enjoys his self more than to care about other people. 

he did his best for studying and made money. hyukjae’s mom is sick and needs to stay at hospital for few months. that requires a lot of money of course, so he must do a part time to pay all the bills. hyukjae’s sister and dad already said that he shouldnt work too much, just focus on the college, they can help the bills. but he insited to make money too, so they’re just letting him do it. he just lives his life to prioritize his family. 

hyukjae had this daily routine days, first he went to college at the morning until 3pm, then he went to hongdae to do something like street dance with some groups there. sometimes he joined a group of street dancers but sometimes he did it alone. hyukjae had this speciality, it’s dancing. he loves it so much. dancing is like half of his life. he wants to join an academy but he always thinks that too much money is needed so he just buried his dream deeply. fortunately, there’s like a group of street dancers that allows anyone to enter without joining an academy. hyukjae decides to join because at least they can make money from it. it’s like a charity performances but it’s okay he loves it. hyukjae learned dancing while watching the youtube alone, and he mastered it quickly. even the street dancers group amazed by him. so they sometimes makes a solo performance for him and he can take all the money from his performance. since then everyday he went there for dancing. 

after hongdae, sometimes he went to minimarket as a part timer, but  he had night shift for just 3 days in a week. because sometimes, the street dancing lasted longer than usual. it depends of how people attracted for them. his days always got pretty busy, but he did it for his mom. 

in the college, he always seems to be alone and not seen. he always wears black outfits from head to toe and he had like long black hair almost mullet style. actually he’s pretty attractive, but he just choose to stay away from people. also, no one knew he’s a street dancer because he always wears a hat to cover while dancing.  he will stay unnoticed. he just loves to be alone. he also had like 3-4 piercing holes in his both ears. he didnt wear those piercings while going on college but he wears it when he went to hongdae to dance. 

maybe people around them didnt notice him being there in the class because of that dark aura of him. and no one dares to be curious. but, there’s this one guy always been curious about hyukjae. and turned out he knew that hyukjae is a street dancer!  

This guy always quietly watches hyukjae since they got in the same class for this semester. actually, he never went to the same class as hyukjae. apparently in this semester, there was like a special joint class for some of the faculties. he decides to take this because he must to get a better grade for this semester and he should take another addition class. he loves his hobby so much until he forgets that his grade is falling. basketball is his life, so he joined the club in the university and did his best for basketball. the team he’s in often gets a win but he didnt realize his grade faces a downfall. so here he is, attending the class. the number one basketballer, lee donghae finally makes a move to fix his grades. 

at first donghae didnt notice this fairy (he said it himself for the first time he saw him)  at the class for like almost 2 weeks and this sudden realization hits him so hard. 

once upon a time, after finishing his basketball practice, he and his teammates went to hongdae for hanging out and eating snacks. then he went separated from his teammates and got attracted to a crowd. 

“wow, what is this crowds”

then he walked closely and watched, turned out it’s a street dance. he’s stunned by the performances.  drowning in their skillful and amazing dance performances. he’s amazed especially by this one skinny guy. his moves are perfect. beautiful. strong but delicate. his dancing skills are crazy. he is stunned and frozen by this amazing dancer. he was too focused on him. he even clapped so hard after their performances ended and gave them bunch of money. this was too lit af and deserved more audiences. but he’s too curious of this one dancer. his face cant be seen because of his bucket hat. he wears an all black outfit and his hair is a bit longer. he had 3  piercings in his right ear, and one of the is long piercing. and suddenly, this dancer guy opened his hat and bows to everyone to thank for their performances... that time he almost dropped his coffee, good thing he was quickly back to his sense. 

“what the fuck i dont know that fairy exists in the world” said donghae to himself

he’s definitely beyond stunned... and speechless. donghae is awed like hell. he must find a way to get to know him no matter what. he ‘s in love for the first sight definitely.

days after that, he always went to hongdae for watching his fairy everytime he had time after practicing. he loves to see him so much while dancing. but he’s still didnt get a chance to get his name because he always dissappears quickly after the performance. maybe later he will get that chance. 

and that sudden chance comes to donghae like a lightning struck in his head but not in hongdae, it happened in his class.

that day after the class ends, donghae was about to run to his basketball practice, but he crashed into someone. and that someone’s books was scattered on the floor.

“oh God sorry sorry im in a rush lemme help you” donghae said and puts this someone’s books from the floor

“ah no it’s okay, it’s my fault too i didnt look at the way clearly” said this guy softly

donghae quickly takes the books in his hands and gives the books to this guy. at first, donghae didnt look at this guy’s face before he stands up. he looks at the books and found a name on it.

“so lee hyukjae,  im sorry for crashing into you, here’s your books-” then he feels the time stopped. he’s standing still there stunned at the presence he saw right now. 

donghae who’s still in dazed was suddenly back to his sense after this lee hyukjae called him

“ehm- hey? thank you but hey are you okay?” hyukjae said 

“oh-o-oh im yeah. im-im- youre welcome. y-yeah im- totally fine.”

“good, my books?”

“books, oh yeah,yeah ofcourse your books. here”

“thanks. ehm whats your name?”

“donghae, im lee donghae”

“thanks donghae and sorry for crashing into you. good bye”

then hyukjae walks away after that and donghae still didint believe what he saw.

his fairy. his beautiful fairy is actually at the same class with him. and he didnt know??? then days after that, he always takes a look of him everyday like every single day. he’s so curious about lee hyukjae. why he always alone and why everyone didnt notice there is a beautiful guy here in his class. donghae admits that hyukjae seems like a so much outsider and stays away from people. donghae wonders why he’s like that. but he didnt care, he must get to know him more.

so he got himself prepared and tried to talk to him after his dancing performances. he actualy runs to catch him to talk. 

“hey wait” donghae runs

then hyukjae stops and looks back. he’s surprised at donghae’s presence right now.

“o-oh h-hey. lee donghae how-”

“you know i always watch you almost everyday but i never knew that you’re one of my classmates....”

“thankyou for watching. but it’s kinda embarassing to know that my classmates knows me in this state”

“why? you looked so damn amazing... youre stunning”

“w-well thank you for the compliment.. it’s nice hearing someone directly compliments me like this. it’s just too rare for me hearing this”

“i mean it you’re really amazing. i love your beautiful moves.”

actually, hyukjae already knew that donghae always watched him almost everyday and he knew too that he is his classmates! so thats why he always quickly runs away from donghae. he’s afraid he knew him after he’s in the same class with him.  it’s just too embarrassing. but that crashing moment happened and hyukjae realized that it seems donghae realized it too that he’s in the street dancers in hongdae... that time he knew he’s fucked up. he cant hide this anymore.. 

“s-stop complimenting me it’s nothing kdsdjksjdf”

hyukjae’s ears got so red and he’s blushing to death

donghae just chuckled looking his reactions

“the fuck are you so cute for....” he ruffles hyukjae’s hair without he even realized. 

hyukjae’s heart beats so fast after donghae did that. 

“i didnt know that you’re this cute actually, it’s different when you’re dancing..”

“uhm y-yeah i dont know it’s just naturally done.. b-but no i-im not that cute you know”

“do you have time after this?”

“just going home maybe, why?”

“lets take a walk a little and let me take you home. is that okay for you?”

“w-why do you want to take me home? ”

“i dont know. it feels like i must make a first move by taking you home?”

hyukjae didnt know that donghae is this bold. he’s flustered and cant say anything

“come on lets take a little walk here..” then donghae just pulled hyukjae’s hand ready to walk around hongdae.. 

“s-sure”

they walk around hongdae street, talk about everything, and donghae found out that hyukjae is fun. he even reacts to donghae’s lamest jokes. and donghae managed to know why hyukjae loves to dance and why he did this street dance.. donghae feels sorry but when he didnt offers help because hyukjae already told him that he can do this alone and he didnt need anyhelp. because he loves it too dancing. donghae always wonders why he loves to be alone but he didnt talk about it, maybe next time. hyukjae seems like he’s comfortable with donghae’s presence because hyukjae keeps laughing and responding to anything donghae said. 

“i have told you why i love dancing,, so what do you love donghae-ssi?”

“basketball, you didnt know that im in the uni team?”

“uhm yep i dont know, sorry i didnt know at all about our uni and stuffs, im just coming for the grades and graduates quickly thats it”

“yeah well it’s obvious of you hmm yeah so if thats the case, you must watch me on the basketball competition 2 weeks later”

“ huh.. why should i?”

“so you can get to know me better”

“it’s not even a reason”

“i watched almost all your performances you must pay back”

“but i didnt ask you to watch it anyway”

“then should i tell everyone that youre doing street dance?”

“NO PLEASE DONT. okay i’ll watch”

“good.”

“why youre so annoying”

“because it seems you already take my heart away”

“sksjfdksjf stop saying something like that. we just knew each other for like few hours”

“i dont care, youre cute”

“stopppp”

after hanging out for a while, they decide to go home. donghae gives hyukjae a ride to home. in the car, they both actually have the same music tastes so they sing along together along the way home. 

“thank you, i admit it today is fun even you’re kinda annoying. but you know it’s weird to see you the famous guy hanging around with me the emo and lonely guy in the class, it’s okay if you shouldnt hang out with-”

“hey lee hyukjae, dont you just realized that i flirted my ass off for you this entire night? i fuckin like you so dont you dare to push me away, because i’ll come for you no matter what happens, okay got it?”

“b-but-”

“no buts or i’ll kiss you right now”

“f-fine f-fine, o-kay then see you tomorrow on class, i guess?”

“see you- oh i forget to tell you something”

“what is it?”

“come closer quick”

“wha-”

donghae suddenly takes off his seat belt and kisses hyukjae’s head quick. 

“good night”

“h-hey w-what-”

“see you tomorrow dancing fairy”

hyukjae will never knew that his life will change completely after this day.  

after that day, donghae who’s always sits on the back and near the exit door, suddenly sits on the middle near the window where hyukjae always sits. 

“good morning, from now i’ll sit here for the whole semester”

“what even?” 

and people slowly started whispering to each other when this happened. what is happening when this hottest basketball player of the uni suddenly sits beside this emo guy. and people keeps wondering through the 2 hours class because donghae cant keep his hands down off hyukjae. 

sometimes he plays with his hair like curling it and carressing it. 

“hey”

“what now”

“you should show your face more even your hair is this long, like this”

donghae slips hyukjae’s hair slowly behind his ears and make it like his face be more seen. 

“pretty. i think you should cut your bangs a little” 

and ofcourse hyukjae is blushing to death again

“s-stop playing , listen to the professor”

“yea yea yea” 

hyukjae definitely realized this sudden attention and he’s nervous af. he hates attention (except for his dancing). 

class ends and hyukjae wants to go home right now. hyukjae quicks cleans his table and ready to go home.

“dont you need to go to hongdae?”

“im tired so i ask them for a day off.”

“oh, then can you watch me practice for a bit?”

“why... should i....”

“pleasseeeee please please please”

donghae cant stop whining and people start staring at them..

“fine fine fine please shut up”

“then lets go”

they arrived at the indoor field and his teammates are wondering who he brought at the field..

“wait here, it takes 30 minutes then i’ll take you home”

“why is it so fast?”

“because this time i just need to coach the juniors and my other teammates will take care for the rest of it.”

“ah right, you’re the captain. cool”

“you will know that im cooler than you think.”

“prove it”

donghae smiled to hyukjae and take the challenge “of course i will prove it”

donghae starts to coach the juniors, he’s so different while on the field. he becomes all serious and dicipline towards the juniors. he showed them the moves and how to play properly. and he really proved it that he’s cool when he did basketball. his moves is quick and he had like his clever strategy to trick the opponents. he looks amazing while doing the shots. he scored many points. he’s definitely the ace of the team. 

“he’s just showing off, but i admit he’s cool” 

then suddenly some of his teammates comes to where hyukjae sits in the side of the field.

“hey who are you? donghae’s friend?”

“y-yeah kinda” hyukjae looks a bit nervous always

“but how come i never find a cute guy like you in this uni, weird, are you from other uni?”

“no-no im in the same class as donghae”

“oh, are you interested in him or -” when one if his teammates didnt even finish his sentence suddenly a ball thrown at his head. 

“dont you dare to touch my property” donghae who throws the basketball quickly runs to hyukjae

“eish you prick, we just try to get to know him, whats the problem”

donghae starts to pull hyukjae behind his back, and holds his hand tightly

“he’s mine get away from him even youre all my teammates dont you dare to go near him or i’ll kill you”

“look! look! he’s that scary.... come on lets go guys hahaha”

“he’s like an angry puppy... our captain is indeed scary” 

then they go away..

“i start to regret to bring you here, are you okay”

“im finee nothing to worry”

“but you looked hella nervous”

“HAHAHA youre right but you know i cant stay calm in front of new people”

“right... sorry..”

“it’s okay really you fool. by the way, i admit that youre cool. i love your quick moves”

“right? im indeed the coolest in basketball”

“pfft showing off. here drink it” hyukjae gives donghae a water

“thanks..” 

“you looked so exhausted, dont you need a rest?” hyukjae takes a towel from the bench and wipes donghae’s forehead while he’s drinking

“look you’re drenched in sweat..”

this time donghae who’s flustered, drops his drink on the floor. fortunately the bottle already empty. 

“hey whats wrong you drop your bottle. oh wait- fuck youre- blushing?!?”

then donghae nods slowly

“arghhhh take your towel, now im flustered more” hyukjae just throws the towel to donghae and runs away. and donghae quick grabs his hand.

“lets stop this and lets go home..”

donghae starts to say goodbye to everyone and go home with hyukjae

donghae didnt even realized he still grabs hyukjae’s hands until they got into his car. donghae’s tightens his holds without saying anything. and hyukjae still got his ears red while holding hands with him. then donghae suddenly said, 

“two weeks from today, i have a match..”

“ehm”

“then maybe i cant visit you often at night.. but i will still visit you”

“it’s okay though you dont need to come often-”

“no but i love to come. and if i win-”

silence for a moment

“go on a date with me”

“and if i lose, i will go back to my original seat”

“how?”

“s-sure it’s up to you”

“do you know that i want to kiss you so bad on your pretty lips but i resisted it because i need to win first”

“youre crazy”

“i know. for you” 

donghae is indeed a love fool. he’s challenging himself to win and he decides it himself too. hyukjae cant understand donghae’s mind at all. he just met him for like maybe 2 weeks? lately donghae just keeps wandering around him like a puppy. since he sat beside hyukjae in the class, he keeps following hyukjae around. donghae is a clingy puppy.  sometimes he takes hyukjae home or even picks him up in the morning. hyukjae is totally okay with that and he feels that donghae is not a total nuisance for him. he likes his presence actually. hyukjae admits donghae is such a gentleman, kind, and funny person. at least he’s trying to be a funny one. 

“stop trying to be funny. your joke is a total failure”

“at least im trying!” donghae looks upset and it’s cute

“aigu, eung eung aiguu” hyukjae unconsciously ruffles his hair

hyukjae suddenly realized his actions and he’s completely frozen. he’s about to lower his hand but it’s too late. donghae grabs it fast.

“dont” he takes hyukjae’s hand and place it into his cheek softly.

“h-hey..” hyukjae slowly starts to speak

donghae slowly closed his eyes and still grabs hyukjae’s pretty fingers in his cheek..

 “i love your hands. it’s delicate and softer than mine.” hyukjae cant say a word. he’s about to explode

“youre really driving me crazy”  he finally opened his eyes and brings hyukjae’s hand closer to his lips. slowly, he kissed that pretty hand softly

“im definitely gonna make you fall in love with me”  

hyukjae’s ears are so burning like tomato. he’s speechless. he’s never been loved by someone boldly like this. donghae is a whole new one. 

day by day passed and it’s time for donghae’s basketball match. hyukjae promised him to come but he had a sudden calls from his street dancers mates that they have a sudden meeting that day. he didnt have time and he’s in rush. he’s late for like 15 minutes. he ran like crazy to the university stadium. 

“oh man i cant be late. i promise him”

while in the stadium, donghae seems like looking around the whole seats in the stadium from the basketball field. hyukjae isnt there.. he’s a little bit upset.. 

“didnt he want a date with me.... did he hate me.. but he kinda likes me. or am i just delusional...”

then the match begins.

hyukjae still on the bus and keeps looking on his phone. 

he’s finally arrived at the stadium and he’s 20 minutes late. hyukjae breaths heavily as he arrived at the stadium seats. fortunately there’s an empty seat at the front. 

“thank god i didnt miss the whole match” hyukjae sighed

the score right now is tie and keep chasing each other. hyukjae is freaking anxious. he’s already sweating even he didnt play the game. he’s nervous too.  the 3rd quarter is already finished. and there’s a break for like 5 minutes. donghae is sweating real hard.. his jersey is all wet and hyukjae knew he’s tired.  donghae pants heavily and his looks are all serious. donghae looks around to the audiences and he’s smiled brightly after that. of course he’s looking on his fallen angel who looks extraordinary beautiful today. turned out hyukjae wears bright outifts and donghae looks stunned. the crowds screamed when donghae smiled brightly like that. he definitely had fans actually. who’s not gonna love him when he is such a perfect guy. and the crowds in the stadium seats already knew that donghae just smiled like that for hyukjae. hyukjae who’s flustered like hell keep lowering his head because of embarrassment. all the attentions on him really makes him nerrvous and flustered. then he looked slowly on donghae who’s still looking at him from the field. 

“fighting!” hyukjae finally mouthing those words slowly

donghae nods slowly “i will” 

the last quarter starts. the game is playing again. the score gaps still in a slight different. sometimes our uni leads , sometime the opponent leads. donghae still plays in a pretty good state even it’s the last quarter. he’s really working hard on this. he scores well too. he’s indeed a pro hyukjae thinks. 5 minutes left and hyukjae couldnt be more nervous than now. he keeps moving his feet anxiously. 

“come on donghae-ya, you can do this come on” 

3 minutes left and the score is tied

2 minutes left....

1 minute left..... 

30 seconds left... suddenly donghae takes the ball and he runs. 

and the plot twisted! he did the buzzer beater and scores 2 points! the uni team won!!

hyukjae screams and claps happily with the crowds to celebrate the winning team. donghae runs and hugs the team to celebrate it also. then donghae looks  to the audiences and searched for hyukjae. he smiled to hyukjae and runs to the audiences seat. hyukjae is flustered and he’s like ready to run but the crowds are just too crowded for him to run. he cant move from his seat because too many people there. donghae who runs there and of course making the crowds even wilder. 

finally, donghae faces hyukjae. hyukjae stands slowly and face donghae who’s all wet in sweats.  

“c-congrats you won” hyukjae said

“of course im a man with words”

“hum sure sure” 

“so, a date with me?”

“sure mr. lee, just decide the time and place.”

“this weekend? are you free?”

“im free”

“your street dance schedule?”

“i can make my schedule off for you”

“wah im very honored”

they just laughs after that  .. donghae suddenly places his hand softly into hyukjae’s cheek and said

“you looked beautiful today.”

that time when he did that, the crowds screams wilder because of that sudden scene. seems like the girls love them being together too. 

“uu-uh thanks....” said hyukjae nervously

“i-i mean you look beautiful everyday but today you’re extra lovely”

“s-stop” 

“sorry i cant help myself. thank you for coming. seeing you like this on the audiences makes me more competitive haha”

“but sorry im late earlier. there’s-”

“no no it’s okay even you came for the last 10 minutes i’ll be glad”

“mwoya..”

“uhm, i will have a dinner with my team, so..... i’ll text you later?”

“of course you can go then”

“i really dont wanna leave you like this but-”

“eish you just won, you must celebrate it you brat” 

“but i want to be with you....”

“dont be like a kid. just go”

“fine.... dont forget this weekend okay? i’ll pick you up”

“eung eung i promise.... okay? just gooo quickk” hyukjae pushes him slowly

“okay fine, but before i go-” 

“what now....”

donghae moves one step closer and kisses hyukjae’s forehead rightaway... hyukjae is dazed again for the nth time because of this man.

“see you on weekend” donghae said softly and leaves him in shock. 

the crowds keep screaming excitedly looking at the scene... donghae is indeed a crazy and bold if it comes to love. he’s like the type of “what he wants, he always gets.”

the d-day.

after his 22 years of living, it’s the first time of him going on a date with a guy. he never admits he’s gay or straight because he never knew how to fall in love before. but dang there’s that guy,  that very guy who came to his life like a bomb, a love bomb.  he doesnt have any idea at all, what to wear and what should he do later. 

“eish what am i thinking too much. it’s just a date?! calm lee hyukjae. lets be calm first okay. lets wear the usual outfit”

hyukjae is ready to go with his best outfit, a denim jacket with a grey tshirt inside it and a long pants with same colour. then he goes to the meet up point at starbucks near his street dance place. 

actually donghae arrived early and he’s already with his ice americano. he sits beside the window while looking on his phone. hyukjae who came after ordering an ice chocolate (he’s a literal non coffee person) approached donghae slowly. 

“h-hey sorry im a bit late” 

then donghae looked up and “oh hyunkjae no it’s o-”

before he finished his words.. he’s stunned again for the nth time right now. hyukjae always makes his heart explodes... today he looked outstanding. wonderful. beautiful. his fallen angel.... donghae is falling from head to toe.

“you looked beautiful..  oh my god. are you real??”

“eish. stop it you’re just exaggerating. you look good too today.”

“im just wearing all black here, and youre looking super good and how can i deserve you my angel......”

hyukjae cant stand this cringe man in front of him and punch him on his chest. and he just arrgh-ed

“stop with this nonsense and lets go okay you cringe weirdo”

“okay okay hahaha”

 they walked out from the cafe and finally go somewhere. 

“what are we going to do today?” 

“lets watch a movie?”

“call!” 

they go to the nearby cinema and watch avengers. both of them are in love with marvel so they had fun watching it. it’s not even a romance movie but donghae quietly slipped his hand to hyukjae’s hand beside him and holding it tight. he’s still focusing on the movie without looking on his hand which automatically in tangled with hyukjae’s. hyukjae feels his heart almost jumped at this state. hyukjae already experienced these kind of actions donghae gave him. but he’s still not used to these... it still gives him an explosion in his mind. hyukjae tryin to be calm as ever while enjoying the movie. 

the movie ended and they’re so happy because it comes with a happy ending. they walked out from the cinema still holding hands. donghae seems didnt want to let go, so does hyukjae. 

“do you like it?”

“of course, ive been wanting to watch it since it came out”

“glad then we’re the same. lets go strolling this street and find place to eat.”

they take a stroll to the street. walking around while watching some of the street performers. they buy some snacks and share it together. hyukjae bought an ice cream cone and he enjoys it so much. while he enjoys the vanilla ice cream slowly (still holding hands with donghae) donghae suddenly comes to his face closer and licks the ice cream too. so they just few inch apart with their forheads attached from one another. 

“hmm it’s good”

hyukjae who’s startled by his actions (again) just continue with his ice cream and nods. donghae who always looks like an innocent boy after doing all of these sudden actions, smiles happily. 

hyukjae finally done with the ice cream and he said 

“dont you want to buy any snacks here? there are many delicious snacks here”

“hmmm let me think”

donghae slower his walks and thinks but suddenly looks up on hyukjae “whats wrong?” hyukjae asks

“there’s-” donghae just wiped the leftover of the ice cream in hyukjae’s lips corner and licks it for himself. 

“okay clean” 

again... for the infinite time already... lets just calm down heart. said hyukjae in his mind

then they watched some street performers there. there are some bands performing so they decided to watch them. 

“wah they’re so good. i love his voice. it’s soothing” 

the band apparently sings baekhyun’s song UN Village. and it sounds good with the band performance. 

“hm yeah it’s good i love it too.” donghae finally said. they’re still holding hands in quiet while enjoying the performances.. after few minutes donghae lets go of his hand and moves from the side to hyukjae’s back. suddenly donghae slips his both hands circling hyukjae’s waist. donghae is backhugging him. he places his head in hyukjae’s shoulder and quietly whispers something

“you know, im still tired from yesterday’s match... but i really want to have a date with you quickly.  lets stay like this for another one song they perform”

“s-sure...” 

they stay like that for a while.. hyukjae carresses donghae’s hands in his waist softly while enjoying the performance... hyukjae slowly leaned his head to donghae’s in his shoulder... 

“you did great... lee donghae im so proud.. promise me after this date, you will rest okay?”

“ehmm, thank you.. okay i promise..” said donghae while closing his eyes and hugging him even tighter..

the atmosphere there really fits them right now, the music, the lights, and the environment there... hyukjae slowly carresses donghae’s hair slowly... donghae feels so comfortable, hugging hyukjae warms his body. he loves it too much

the song ends and donghae still doesnt want to let go.

“the song ends.. come on we must eat...”

“lets just walk like this then”

“weirdo i would never do that of course. come on eish youre like a koala lets go eat okay?”

“fine....” finally donghae lets go his hugs and starts to holds hyukjae’s hand again

“good boy. i have my favourite restaurant around here. lets go there, you’ll love it”

they finally go to hyukjae’s favourite restaurant nearby. it’s a korean dish restaurant. they served good meats and many more. 

they arrive and sit near the window. the place is cozy and not too many people there. because it’s already night and got a few hours left open. they already ordered some things to eat and wait for them to come.

“donghae..”

“hm?”

“i had fun today. you know that i never been in a date before. and it turned out today is great. it’s because of you. thank you i love it so much”

“you know, maybe im the luckiest person here because i can make you go on a date with me”

“not again please oh my”

“seriously, my basketball friends always asked many things about you, but i never answered any of them because you’re gonna be mine. and mine only” said donghae proudly

“cringey stop it”

“but it’s really true like how not to fall in love with you when you’re looking like a fallen angel”

“s-so do you fall in love with me?”

“of course i do?!? it’s obvious though..”

“i know.”

“perhaps... you dont like me?”

“no of course not you dumb”

“ so you like me??”

then the food comes... 

“lets eat first hahahahah” 

“aaarghhh lee hyukjae the cliffhanger”

they finally eat together happily... and donghae keeps giving hyukjae food and feeding him. 

“stop feeding me, i can eat by myself..”

“you’re too thin you must eat a lot!!”

“i know i know i eat a lot actually but i dont know my body looks so small i guess”

they finished their dinner and walked out from the restaurant. 

“it’s already late, do you want to do something at this hour or lets just go home?”

“lets just go home, you need to rest too. i know you havent rest well since the match right?”

“h-hmm yeah but-”

“lets just go home okay. it’s enough, i love this date and im so happy okay?”

“fine lets go home then”

“good, you also need to rest quickly”

they have a ride in donghae’s car to hyukjae’s apartment. they talk about anything in the car like how does it feel winning the match, and something about donghae and his love for basketball. 

“you’re really pro basketballer even you’re not that tall hahaha”

“eish, not just tall people who’s becoming a pro. this not too tall people like me can be one too!”

“okay okay, but i admit you’re really good. you’re really great at sport. am i right?”

“yeah you can say so. i love working out my body though hahaha”

“i know it’s too obvious with your big stature. it’s good actually” 

“good for what?”

“this is embarrassing to say but i love your hugs it’s comfy and warm....”

silence for a bit....

 “oh my god what did i just say just forget it”

donghae just smiled and said “i can give you more hugs in the future too”

“just stop it kasdjksad this is embarrassing”

they finally arrived on hyukjae’s apartment.. but it seems hyukjae seems to think about something.. 

he hesitates at first but he finally gathers his courage to say this.

“lee donghae”

“hm yes?”

“y-you can come if y-you want” said hyukjae slowly

donghae looked a bit startled but he nods anyway 

“sure”

they walked out from the car quietly and donghae slowly grabs hyukjae’s hand. they walk slowly to the hyukjae’s room. without a single speech they entered the room.. still holding hands. hyukjae can feel his heart about to explode anytime. hyukjae’s room looked clean and neat.. donghae looks around for a lil bit and he still follows hyukjae where to go. they finally sit together in the side of the bed.. after a moment of silence..

“your house is nice”

“t-thanks..”

then hyukjae said again “do you want a drink or something-”

“i want you.”

the moment donghae said that, hyukjae’s heart really beats so fast. 

“you know i cant resist you and you just bring me here... so what do you expect me to do?”

“I-I-feel like wanna to invite you-” hyukjae flustered he cant think of anything

“i really want to kiss you right now.. can i?”

hyukjae cant think of anything and he just nods.....

donghae moves closer and kisses him slowly... the kiss feels so warm and delicate.. hyukjae loves how donghae kisses him... he completely melts into his lips. his mind goes blank.. he just thinks of this man here kissing him passionately without any hesitation.. after few moments, donghae pulls back..

“so what’s your answer? do you like me too?”

hyukjae nods slowly with his ears already becomes red as tomato.. 

“i-i like you... a lot” 

“i love you too my angel.”

donghae smiled softly and moves closer again to press a kiss again to hyukjae. donghae finally kisses him longer and makes hyukjae slowly leans into his own bed while donghae kisses him from above. donghae takes off hyukjae’s denim jacket slowly while continue kissing him delicately.. slowly one by one, donghae unbuttons his shirt and takes it off and hyukjae too. donghae who takes hyukjae’s shirt off. donghae loves every hyukjae’s feature. his white and soft skin against his lips. he kisses every spots in hyukjae.. donghae always wants this. he wants all of him. he wants hyukjae from head to toe. donghae gives many lil kisses to hyukjae’s body until he shivers by those. hyukjae’s mind went blank. there’s just donghae, donghae, and donghae. donghae’s lips in every space of his milky skin... he even left some red purplish marks there.. hyukjae cant say anything he loves it too. donghae who finally faces hyukjae’s eyes again said 

“i would never let you go, i love you too much what should i do...”

“i wont go from you i promise... stay with me until tomorrow..” hyukjae slips his hands into donghae’s neck

“sure my love” donghae continues kissing hyukjae’s lips again.. the cold but warm feeling while having bare body pressed like this. they melt into each other... 

after having those marks everywhere, they fiinally go to sleep for real. donghae who had his arm around hyukjae tightly while hyukjae hugs him back.. 

“you can rest here with me until tomorrow... just sleep well” hyukjae said softly

“of course. thank you for loving me back”

“no..... it’s me who’s feeling so thankful right now. you know i never been in love.. and then you came and made me feel so loved.. and i realized i fell for you too”

“lets just thankful for each other for having this mutual feelings for each other. finally i can say to the world that lee hyukjae my fallen angel is finally mine”

“eish stop blabbering lets just sleep”

“sure sure good night” donghae tightens his hugs and kisses hyukjae’s forhead for the last time.

hyukjae never knew he will have these kind of stories in his life. lee donghae changed his whole lonely life. he finally feels how it is to be loved. and how to love. he loves this man so much. he madly, severely, hardly in love for the first time in his life. and it’s because of lee donghae. 

- fin

[ask-thedeafjohns]

For both Johns- Favorite memory of your friends? --\></

JOHN EGBERT: favourite memory of my friends? J. EGBERT: wow that’s a hard question! J. EGBERT: there’s lots of good times i’ve had with them J. EGBERT: although if i had to pick one? J. EGBERT: it would be the time dave suddenly came up to my door, soaking wet J. EGBERT: and just randomly asking if he could use my shower J. EGBERT: now it doesn’t sound all that much, but this was the first time i had ever seen him J. EGBERT: well, in person. we had talked a bunch online before then J. EGBERT: but he had run away from home at the time and we rarely talked! J. EGBERT: so for him to suddenly be at my door, after all that time? J. EGBERT: man, it was so cool to be able to see him J. EGBERT: but also, who’s first words to meeting someone is to ask to have a shower?

J. EGBERT: he’s lucky i had some spare clothes that karkat left one time that fit him J. EGBERT: or he would have had to deal with being soaked to the bone J. EGBERT: or worse, naked in my own house! J. EGBERT: hehe that would’ve been J. EGBERT: umm J. EGBERT: a-anyway J. EGBERT: getting to meet one of my best bud for the first time after he’s been having a rocky time? J. EGBERT: it’s hard to forget the feeling, especially since he chose me of all people J. EGBERT: plus, soaking wet dave is so funny! J. EGBERT: it’s hard to say why, but it just is hehe :B

-------------------

JOHN STRIDER: uhh J. STRIDER: i uhh J. STRIDER: i didnt really get to hang out with my friends like ever J. STRIDER: so... J. STRIDER: ...well J. STRIDER: there was one time J. STRIDER: one thing you should know, my big sis sucked big time J. STRIDER: like she was one of those stupid strict guardians who would force you to do things and youd have to just suck it up and deal with it J. STRIDER: but she was also...kinda just shitty in general J. STRIDER: one time J. STRIDER: she was trying to tell me stuff and J. STRIDER: lets just say i was having a hard time catching it J. STRIDER: and she knows exactly what to say to... J. STRIDER: well yeah J. STRIDER: so when i could i just J. STRIDER: sat J. STRIDER: in my room J. STRIDER: and... J. STRIDER: well i didnt really do anything J. STRIDER: but i guess dave noticed something was up? J. STRIDER: and the dudes a goofball and good for a laugh J. STRIDER: but you aint never met a more genuine guy J. STRIDER: except maybe egderp here but J. STRIDER: yeah J. STRIDER: anyway he said this one thing and i still remember it to this day

J. STRIDER: it sounds like a nothing thing but J. STRIDER: it really helped out that day J. STRIDER: ... J. STRIDER: hey dont tell john any of this J. STRIDER: he might be egbert J. STRIDER: but i dont think we are there yet

(Unshown dialogue underneath)

BIG SIS: Are your ears on, John? BIG SIS: I swear, why do I even bother trying to have you hear what I’ve got to say somedays... BIG SIS: If you don’t try harder to fill in the blanks BIG SIS: Someone’s going to just get fed up and shank you for all you’re worth, and they won’t care that you can’t hear as well as the rest of us! BIG SIS: Well, enough of that today. BIG SIS: I’ll let you rest for now and we’ll attempt to continue this tomorrow morning. BIG SIS: Be prepared for tuna and spinach puffs for tea time tonight hoo hoo

--------

(in the middle of conversation) DAVE: man what is her problem? DAVE: seriously. does she even fucking know how hard it is to listen to people when you can fully hear? DAVE: and you have to deal with your world half fucking volume JOHN: hehe yeah JOHN: but i mean JOHN: she tries well DAVE: well if she tried well she wouldn't fucking make you feel bad for being you DAVE: there's doing your best and then there's just doing whatever you wanna do JOHN: i mean true JOHN: somedays i just wish i didn't have to JOHN: well JOHN: deal with my whole thing hehe DAVE: hey no DAVE: you don't get to do that DAVE: who the fuck is she to tell you to be something you're not? an adult? JOHN: uhh yeah? DAVE: fuck that shit. either she can fuck her own ears and see what its like DAVE: or she can shut the fuck up and deal with the fact you're gonna miss out every second word some days JOHN: shes just looking out for me though JOHN: i mean its true JOHN: if i keep not knowing what people are saying someone will get me one day for it JOHN: i just gotta try harder heh DAVE: john, i mean this in the kindest way DAVE: but stop defending her as if she's so perfect DAVE: i mean DAVE: you aren't and im not about to say you are JOHN: geez, thanks DAVE: hey let me finish JOHN: ugh sorry DAVE: you're not perfect, and that's fucking okay DAVE: you try to fill in the blanks but i can't even imagine how someone even does that let alone every conversation DAVE: you're allowed to be imperfect, and no-one should make you feel shitty just because you’re having a hard time right now DAVE: no-one’s perfect. you’re you, and... DAVE: well, if that’s good enough for me, then it sure as fuck should be good enough for her JOHN: hehe JOHN: thanks JOHN: youre a real stand up dude sometimes DAVE: i’ll take that. and you’re fucking great for taking her shit in stride each day DAVE: pfft. “stride” JOHN: aaaaaand theres the lovable goofball we all know and love DAVE: hey i’m not perfect. that’s kinda the whole deal JOHN: hehe B)

[charmspoint]

Ok, I'm very curious. Who is Gojo and what is the anime he's from about? I thought he was a teacher, but now I am not so sure.

Gojo is from Jujutsu Kaisen! He is a teacher he’s just also a huge show stealer in general.

Jujutsu Kaisen is like your standard kid goes to school for special thing anime in this case the main character who was normal(ish)tm until he gets roped into the world of sorcerers whos job is it to fight curses which are to put it simply monsters manifested from negative human emotion. Oh ye he gets roped into it by eating a part of like the most powerful curse out there which is a very bad idea but that's how we roll :)

Honestly im all about this series rn, i went ahead n caught up on the manga. There is so much to every character and as someone for who a show lives or dies on the fact are the characters good or not ive found a lot here. Especially for the girls!!! This is one of those rare shonens that has little to no fanservice and the girls in there have??? Personalities and motivations??? That aren't based around their love interests :0. There's actually not that much romance at all if you don't count gojo n getos tragic love train that's still goin strong n getting worse but girls!!! Like a thing for me in anime is 'if the male characters can get gruesomely injured can the female character or do they have to stay pretty?'and the girls are allowed to get injured! They are allowed to be badasses and they stand on equal footing with their male classmates in a fight!!!! N there is no weird /// O.O a girl reaction from the guys they just act as normal as ppl like its so little but so wonderful to see if ur like me and all to used to girls in shonen mostly being there to look pretty.

Im mostly talking about character stuff cuz that's what interests me the most but there's a bunch of cool worldbuilding and even like sorcerer politics n feuds between younger n older generations for ppl more focused on story.

Anyway back to Gojo, ye hes the main teacher/mentor/strongest person guy n one of my fav jjk characters tho i gotta admit i didnt like him that much until i read the manga cuz for me he really shines in arcs that are yet to be animated. Like hes not bad in the anime, its just that he hits his character development flashback thing later on in the manga n thats what i get hooked on. But a lot of people liked him only for anime too! Like he has that laid back goofy personality of someone who knows they cant be beat so they can do whatever they want you know. This is already getting long n i could dissect just gojos character for forever;;; My favorite thing about him is the way in which hes trying to change sorcerer society to make it better and safer for his students (cuz this is a society in which sorcerers die...a LOT) n his complicated relationship with Geto who is (kinda sorta) one of the series main villains and for who gojo is pining so fuckin hard it accidentally ended up kick starting the destruction of japan. This is why u shouldn't leave twinks unsupervised.

All in all jjk is 10/10 even tho it brings me emotional pain n i HIGHLY rec both the anime n the manga (tho manga more if u wanna know more about gojo in particular)

Im sorry this got so long i could rant about jjk for forever but i hope i answered this well!

[kingjasnah]

actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020. 

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana. 

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page. 

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters) 

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade. 

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st  century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here. 

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else. 

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd. 

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit 

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world. 

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out. 

[tfw-no-tennis]

hxh....MUSICAL

as soon as i saw that a hunter x hunter musical from the year 2002 starring the OG 99 VAs existed, i knew i has to see this...so i set out and watched the nightmare of zoldyck (i would later find out that theres ANOTHER musical, which i plan to watch too)

luckily its all on youtube subbed! in 360 quality...oh hell yes lmao

ok i logically knew this was gonna be a musical but seeing the characters singing is like. a lot. THIS IS SO STRANGE 

musical illumi is played by a woman which is interesting. shes got a good voice 

i think they just panned to killua but it was so pixelated that i legitimately could not tell hvbadjkfbjkdsf

i have no idea whats going on vhbajdfhhajsdf theres a bunch of people falling over on stage...i think theyre dying? who are yall 

oh shit backup dancers?

lmao illumi killed the backup dancers rip.

oh that IS killua lol. s/o to the 3 pixels that are visible 

is this gonna be the zoldyck arc but a musical? lmao

OH WAIT IS THAT KURAPIKA AND LEORIO? i cant even tell lmaoooo

i can 100% tell these are fan subs lmaooo i love bad fan subs SO MUCH it makes a viewing experience even better

this is p much just a musical version of the manga/anime so far lmao i love it 

the way theyre spelling zoldyck is. a lot 

is every character gonna get an intro song. how much of this musical is singing and how much of it is dialogue cause theres defs a range w/musicals 

lmao i love gon leorio and kurapikas interactions even here, they rlly feel like two parents being dragged around by their energetic kid 

i cant even see the set at all so im just gonna assume theres like, the gate and all that behind them, but it all just looks like a dark wall to me lmao

i love singing exposition 

HISOKAS IN THIS???????????????????? oh my lorddddd 

OH i see now in the description that hes played by the 99 VA too lmao i love it 

wow musical hisoka rlly b like [writes himself into the zoldyck family arc]

oh here we go w/the song introducing the zoldycks 

damn grandpa got mad flips 

this is. wild 

its especially wild that alluka isnt here bc she like...didnt even exist yet at this point in the story 

zoldyck family sitcom wow 

i see the gon/killua romance is still going strong in the musical 

oh so they did all the training and goin thru the door stuff offscreen lol

this is actually doing a pretty good job expanding on the canon stuff from this arc lol so props. espec w/showing more of killua being scared of illumi 

oooh this is interesting actually, this is like....an AU where illumi is present during this arc, and how that would change things. And Also They Sing 

the zoldycks are so fucked up lmao 

also i feel like theres some ‘early adaptation’ character weirdness going on, like w/the grandpa, who seems much less intense here than in the anime (at least after seeing him in the yorknew arc), and milluki, who seems like a gag character here lmao

oh my god lmao is hisoka here to visit illumi?

the hilarious irony of illumi telling killua that assassins cant have friends, then going to hang out with his good buddy hisoka

kurapika is the only one here with a brain cell (for now) 

ah yes hisoka and illumi doing their nasty murder flirting thing 

HISOKA IS SO NASTYYYY I HATE HIM tho his actor is very good and smarmy

OH its canary!! is there uh. blackface goin on there. i cant actually tell, what with there being only 3 pixels present at any given time

really love how half of this is just the regular arc but with the characters singing abt stuff during it 

the lady playing killuas mom has a rlly good screeching voice jesus lmao 

ohh i love musical fighting so much

the sound fx on kurapikas sticks are cracking me up

butlers got mad cartwheels

oh theyre doing the coin thing! this is so out of order lmao

oh my god i love that theyre doing like, sick dance moves while coin flipping

ah the zoldyck messenger hawk makes an appearance. i love that thats canon and real

the 12 yr old gay romance is REAL even here 

the subs seems to be translated very literally, especially in the songs, so its honestly not clear what theyre even singing about vbsjkdjhfskjfd

gon and killua singing about each other is adorable tbh. also i love how silva asks killua abt his friends and killua is like yeah i made some friends. and then only talks abt gon ahjsduhfabhskdf gayboy 

ok so the zoldyck arc is like, ending, but theres still an hr of musical left so whats even gonna happen lmao. also where did hisoka go

oh no the audio and video arent synced anymore huvbhjadfbhjsakdf

oooh they asked canary to come w/them, thats cool

theyre having a party??? hvbajdsfbhasjkdf

oh shit??? what did zeburo just do to killua??? WHATS GOING ONNN lol this is UNCHARTED TERRITORY 

OH GOD IT WAS ILLUMI. SHOULDVE KNOWNNN

omggg all their formal outfits....everyone cheering wildly at kurapika is cute 

LEORIO AND KURAPIKA DANCING.....

the fact that both killua and gon are taller than kurapika in this is rlly funny 

the idea that the zoldycks are also highly trained ballroom dancers is super hilarious to think about, even moreso when you consider how isolationist they are 

seriously grandpas got mad flips

also i love leorios outfit 

this feels like a filler arc tbh. and i dont mean that in a bad way!

leorio trying to get kurapika to go to the hot springs with him lmaoooo

HVDSJBJFSBFJHS HISOKAS BACK. IN DISGUISE. OH MY GOD 

hisokas stage presence is fantastic gotta say 

damnnnn dad zoldycks got mad flips too. guess it runs in the family 

props to the actors for managing to keep their wigs on while flipping around like that 

its so fuckgin funny thats hisoka just introduces himself as illumis friend, when this whole arc is all about how assassins Cannot Have Friends 

so hisoka is just here trying to get family approval too huh

gon miming a fishing trip was adorable and realistic...sometimes u get skunked and It Just Be Like That

leorio is rlly tryin to shoot his shot w/kurapika and kp is just Not Realizing huh vbjsdufjbsaukjf

wow leorio breakin the fourth wall like that lmao 

wow so illumi hacked killua. rude 

hisoka and illumi are lowkey hilarious in this 

leorio is rlly sending every signal possible to kurapika and kp is like. No 

leorio: killua is a scary murder baby, but also im adopting him 

kurapika singing abt how weird it is having friends after dedicating their life to Revenge(tm) is v on brand 

HISOKA OH BOY 

LMAOOOO HISOKA IS SUCH A FUCKING SNITCH I CANT 

no wonder illumi didnt wanna tell him abt his evil plan lmaoooo he fucked up even telling hisoka that much clearly 

the zoldyck siblings just staring at hisoka in confusion bc How The Fuck Did This Clown Get In Our House hvbhjdksfnjksdf

you can tell the subs are off when the audience is cracking up but you dont even see a joke there lmao

oh my goddd hisoka using bungee gum to make everyone dance is. hilarious 

oh my god synchronized dancing 

HVBSHDJFBJDSKFHBSJ illumi doing a dance routine independent of hisoka and hisoka being like ????? vhbjsdkhfjkjsdnfkj THIS IS HILARIOUS

supremely funny to me how illumi makes such a big point abt assassins not having friends, yet hisoka is announcing himself as illumis friend w/every given opportunity hvbhajdkdfhjskf

this feels so filler arc i love it. thats so charming to me since the 2011 anime doesnt have any filler (from what i can tell?) 

kurapika and leorio rlly feel like killuas parents here lmaooo

this is all dramatic but kurapika keeps repeating what leorio says and its cracking me up hvbajhkdhfbjsk

i lov this fambly 

ah, even in the musical illumi is still such a manipulative bastard 

i feel like the quality just went down EVEN MORE, which i didnt think was even possible hvbhjkdsfskf. at least the audio is synced w/the video again

illumis got a good evil laugh 

this is the exact brand of dramatic angsty filler content that i was hoping for in this lmao i love it 

oooh more zoldycks 

honestly this is more how i expected the zoldyck arc to go in canon hbshjdkujfkjsfdas

dramatic gay filler angst + somewhat incorrect fansubs = perfection

OH SHIT CANARY 

BRO DID SHE JUST DIE???? OMFG

the subs keep calling illumis power ‘spells’ which seems to imply that illumi is some sort of assassin wizard rather than a nen user hvbsudhfkjsdjgf

come to think of it, what point was the manga at when this musical was written? it has to be pretty early on, maybe just as nen was being introduced

gon boutta go ham on illumi...Get His Ass

OHHHH GON DOING THE ICONIC ARM GRAB....ARM GRAB REPRISE

gon doin the good ole reliable shounen ‘punch your friend and yell at them so they snap out of a funk’ lol

i do love how typically shounen this is. friendship speeches! but delivered by SONG!

illumis main hobby is butting in at the worst possible moments 

HISOKAS BACK OH BOY

hisokas playing card blocked killuas hit hvbhjakdhsfjnakdsf thats like in jojo when those manga blocked dios knives 

wow the whole zoldyck squad is here

ooh forbidden zoldyck lore lmao

killua: mom u guys are lame im joining this much cooler family now. bye 

i love how hisoka is just weirdly lurking around for all this zoldyck drama lmao

silva seems like such a bro in this but i feel like hes rlly not like that in canon vhauidfhbsjhdkjfk

oh nope there he goes w/the evil laugh lmaooooo

sorry dude but leorio is his dad now 

gon sniffing zeburo hgbajkdfshbjkdfjnsjdk oh my god

oh hell yeah some synchronized main character finale dancing 

actor showcase! everyone loves kurapika which, same 

ah so the director of this musical also directed the sailor moon musicals, which i didnt know existed but of course that exists...thats funny considering the hxh mangaka is married to the sailor moon mangaka 

anyways that was fun honestly!!!! i fuckgin love musicals, and musical adaptations of non-musical source materials can be like, SO different tonally, but this honestly felt like a fun filler 

it was really interesting seeing something based on the canon from this early on - as i said above, some of the characterizations (like the zoldycks) seems a bit different than we’re used to, but others were spot on - like hisoka only showing up intermittently to sow chaos and do nothing else vhjkadhbfhkjdsfnj im assuming the yorknew arc hadnt happened at this point, but hisokas actions in this musical were hilariously similar to how he acted in the yorknew arc, so, props. 

plus it was cool to see the ‘what if’ factor w/hisoka and illumi also being there, espec illumi interacting w/killua bc its so wildly different from how killua reacts to any of his other family members - hes clearly scared of illumi, in a way he isnt w/anyone else, and that was done well here w/the scene where illumi threatens killua’s friends to get killua to listen to him

also the angst was honestly great, and there was some REALLY sweet wholesome parts that i loved. and the music wasnt half bad either!!

i think the VAs did a great job playing the characters - hisokas VA was especially great (and i really loved kurapika too). gons hair was not very similar to how it looks in the show so it was a little more obvious that he was being played by a grown woman, but still a great performance. 

anyways fun times, i love musicals and this was a fun ole 2000s filler shounen musical adaptation

[kweebtrash]

Hey, not necessarily a sex question. But as someone who loves reading fanfic and appreciates fanfic writers, I still can't bring myself to write it. How did you get into writing fanfic, and was it ever weird for you? Do you have any advice on how to feel less weird about it? Especially smut about real people? (To be fair I can't bring myself to write smut in general idk why)

I started writing naruto and yu yu hakusho fanfiction when i was ten and it was just a regular oc and the character i liked. It wasnt good at all but i thought it was the greatest. When i met my sister (non biological) in middle school we decided to come up with our own "anime story". We would write it in notebooks and pass it to each other during class and get in trouble for it. So i guess that was the first time ive written an "original" story. By the time i was 12 i knew what sex was (mostly) and i knew teenagers did it (my characters were teenagers) so i was like oh if they like each other then they should do it. But because i was 12 i was like THATS ICKY TO WRITE ABOUT (in detail) so i made them get in bed and then skipped ahead and wrote THE NEXT DAY 😂😂😂

Then when i got access to a laptop and internet thats when i round "real" fanfiction online and smut back when it was called "lemon/lime/citrus" whatever the fuck that means. I still remember my first one was about neji hyuga LMAO.

I started reading more fanfiction throughout my teenager years and kept writing for anime, wrote bandfiction, created a bunch of OCs to rp with my partner at the time and i think by the time i actually started having sex that i was like ok this isnt so weird to write about anymore. So when we would rp we would just text each other sex scenes and i guess it became normalized because we were doing it irl so writing about it was just like hey! We sorta know what were doing! Oh i also used to watch a lot of porn as a teen? Idk why. That stopped after like a year or so but i found out shit through that, like bdsm, squirting, how utterly gross blowjobs are, what a hitachi wand was, how much i hate spit, etc. So that actually helped me discover like my beginning kinks. Porn is still terrible tho.

I think the first time i wrote smut was with a wrestling fanfic? And i had been reading a bunch of fics that had smut and with my basic knowledge and slowly finding out what phrases i liked in order to describe things it flowed a little more naturally but it was still hard.

Then i think i didnt really write much until i wrote my pentagon story which i think is terrible but other people like it. I guess with my practicing, experience, and sex education it started becoming easier? You can tell in my pentagon story that i was still getting back into the swing of things bc my sex scenes are atrocious and ridiculous 😅

I never really liked reading series myself bc i didnt want just prose and build up. I wanted smut. I was like THATS WHAT I CAME HERE FOR. So i made it a point to write smut in every single chapter so that way people stayed interested. In doing so it also helped me practice and get better. Then i read A LOT of bad kpop fics and was like....why dont these people know that sex isnt like porn??

There is a lot of copying in kpop fics in the sense that a lot of them are written the same way and we get the usual; some u realistic giant dick, "ministrations, pussy, cunt", kitten every other word, thigh riding, everyone confusing abuse with bdsm, "daddy" popping up left and right without going in depth to what meaning that holds, random weird shit. And i realized WOW I REALLY HATE KPOP FANFICS lol. So when i started writing messy i was like OK FUCK THIS IM GONNA WRITE SEX LIKE HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO GO. Then i starting writing smut where the condom broke, they talked about birth control, having a mental breakdown during sex, sexual assault, accidentally wacking each other while moving around, giggling, talking, explaining what you want. This i think helped me a lot, especially with my mental trauma that was associated with sex. I wanted to make it fun and real while also possibly teaching my readers about sex and maybe influencing other fic writers to not just regurgitate what they read.

As far as advice, im not quite sure if i have any?? Maybe i do lol. Take it with a grain of salt maybe?

With writing i would suggest

Read fics you like and highlight key phrases or actions you think are sexually appealing

Practice writing shorter scenes, you can even do time stamps or drabbles, things like that-people love those on here

Look into things. Honestly i knew what a cock ring was but someone requested i USE it in a fic and i was like shit guess i gotta google how to use a cock ring and while awkwardly watching videos of guys putting these things on i learned about metal ones, cages, silicone, rubber, rings, how long you should keep it on for, etc. So RESEARCH! is key too

If youve never had sex before that also helps if you research. Porn can give you a little bit of knowledge in generic motions or toys to use but by no means is it great as far as realism and sometimes its just plain icky.

So porn can be a basis, research can be a middle layer, reading other fics and seeing what you like and dont like is on top, and writing ur own is like...idk frosting lol.

As far as being weird with real people; since i wrote bandfiction and wrestling fics i was used to writing about real people for a little under ten years or so. Also i have a really active mind at night and i have tons of sex dreams that fit into like a story based setting. Thats where all my ideas for prose, dialogue and smut come from. Not everyone ofc has a brain like that but writing down things here and there might work. Lets say you have a favorite idol moment-like some really slutty dance move during a performance, you could time stamp that for inspiration. Save a lot of gifs and pics of them looking *chefs kiss*, listen to some music (i like alina baraz, sabrina claudio, galant, alex tbh, and jooyong for softer, gentler scenes or if you wanna get freak nastie listen to some dumbass jae park, or pretty ricky, or any sex related song thats not pretty lmao. Like rude boy by rihanna or something with a hard beat).

I think its also good to try and picture yourself in a sexual situation. You dont have to look like you, you could make up however you want to look in the scenario, its fantasy after all. Also think "would i like this?" Like i wont write about some idol spitting in my mouth or slapping me or peeing on me or something because thats not stuff that im into and i would be forcing myself to appease someone else and the writing woukd end up sucking big time. This also doesnt help the lack of good fics bc people are just following the requests they get even if they dont like it. I would write about what i think id feel in the moment. Id probably be nervous or if im pretending i could be a cool badass, i would think about things that i find attractive like his (imma use his bc i do write mostly about boy idols) face in the shadows of the light, how nice or soft his lips look, they way hes conveying emotions and looking at me if we were in love or if we were angry, the hold he has on me, why would it be going slow? Is it sad makeup sex? Is it a first time together? Is it just comforting after a bad day? Why would they be rough? Are they angry? Had a fight? Had a slow burn relationship and its culminated into a big explosion? Did they hate each other but hide their true feelings?

So i would suggest not just thinking about sex but thinking about the moment and all the things that lead up to, happen during, and the aftermath of it.

And of course if you don't understand anything or need more info about sex you can always ask me!

I hope this help and sorry its long😅😅😅😅